sub_id,title,Criticism,Intent,Readability,body,author,score,awards,numComms,created,subreddit,annotated_post_body,ES,EFS,RS,EMaskingQ,EMask,EFSMaskingQ,EFSMask,RMaskingQ,RMask,Comments,Annotated,label_combination ella1f,so i posted this to r/depression earlier and i got a negative comment left on my post. it may not seem like a huge deal to some people but for others it’s hard to do everyday things when you’re sad all the time. i’m not gonna lie this comment did make me feel a bit down again after reading it,0,rant,1,,yeatmyshorts,1,0,0,2020-01-08 01:21:30,sad,so i posted this to r/depression earlier and i got a negative comment left on my post. it may not seem like a huge deal to some people but for others it’s hard to do everyday things when you’re sad all the time. i’m not gonna lie this comment did make me feel a bit down again after reading it nan,2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel upset about the negative comment,,True,220 eivk3t,Dunno,0,survey,2,"aight, so sometimes i trap my self in da closet or any narrow, outta reach, remote place to feel safe n other time i wanna be close to ppl to da extent,anyone having the same swings?",nemoo07,1,0,0,2020-01-02 08:16:42,BPD,"aight, so sometimes i trap my self in da closet or any narrow, outta reach, remote place to feel safe n other time i wanna be close to ppl to da extent.anyone having the same swings?",1,0,1,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you trap youself in the closet,How did X make you feel?,being inside the closet,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you to feel safe,,True,101 el30aj,"I am completely reliant on weed, and at a loss of what to do with myself.",1a,help-seeking,2,"8 months ago I started smoking weed as a crutch for my depression and social anxiety. Ever since, I have not been able to go more than a day without smoking. The problem is, I believe it’s making my mental state even worse. For the past 4 months I’ve suspected that my marijuana usage has been intensifying my anxiety and depression, as well as making me lethargic, lazy, and generally unwell. My grades have dropped, I’m completely broke, I’ve been constantly asking my closest friends for loans, and I cannot find the drive to get out my bed and do something with my life. The worst part is I’m almost finished with high school - a time where I’ve got to be at least a little clear headed. My usage also causes me lots of guilt, which only further worsens my mental state. It’s killing me, because no matter how guilty I feel, no matter how many times I tell myself to stop smoking, I cannot quit for the life of me. Even when I do make progress, such as learning to only smoke at night, it doesn’t seem to make a difference. At the moment, weed is literally the only fucking thing I care about. Nothing else. Its become my hobby and my crutch. It’s the only thing I can talk about, the only thing that will allow me to actually feel happy. So what the hell do I do? How do I go about quitting, or atleast decreasing my usage? I feel completely trapped. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated, as I have no idea what to do anymore, and I can barely even trust myself. Thank you.",LeQuackz1234,1,0,5,2020-01-07 00:16:08,addiction,"8 months ago I started smoking weed as a crutch for my depression and social anxiety. Ever since, I have not been able to go more than a day without smoking. The problem is, I believe it’s making my mental state even worse. For the past 4 months I’ve suspected that my marijuana usage has been intensifying my anxiety and depression, as well as making me lethargic, lazy, and generally unwell. My grades have dropped, I’m completely broke, I’ve been constantly asking my closest friends for loans, and I cannot find the drive to get out my bed and do something with my life. The worst part is I’m almost finished with high school - a time where I’ve got to be at least a little clear headed. My usage also causes me lots of guilt, which only further worsens my mental state. It’s killing me, because no matter how guilty I feel, no matter how many times I tell myself to stop smoking, I cannot quit for the life of me. Even when I do make progress, such as learning to only smoke at night, it doesn’t seem to make a difference. At the moment, weed is literally the only fucking thing I care about. Nothing else. Its become my hobby and my crutch. It’s the only thing I can talk about, the only thing that will allow me to actually feel happy. So what the hell do I do? How do I go about quitting, or atleast decreasing my usage? I feel completely trapped. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated, as I have no idea what to do anymore, and I can barely even trust myself. Thank you.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,repeat,True,000 ejnq4c,Why don’t I cry in mourning?,1a,help-seeking,1,"I have no urge to cry or overwhelming sadness for the passing of who I consider to be some of my most loved relatives. The relative was not suffering either it was quite an unexpected death. I don’t produce tears or sadness but can only think back fondly. I’m also worried I’m going to be questioned by other family for this lack of emotion or grieving.",RoughCommand,2,0,12,2020-01-03 23:27:24,selfhelp,I have no urge to cry or overwhelming sadness for the passing of who I consider to be some of my most loved relatives. The relative was not suffering either it was quite an unexpected death. I don’t produce tears or sadness but can only think back fondly. I’m also worried I’m going to be questioned by other family for this lack of emotion or grieving.,2,1,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,this fear of being judged by others for your lack of emotions,What do you need help with now that X?,you have discovered your distinctive grieving process,,True,210 ejualv,"here's a sad music playlist if you're feeling down tonight, if someone has any suggestions comment a song.",0,chitchat,1,,74minutesofbump,1,0,6,2020-01-04 08:51:24,sad,here's a sad music playlist if you're feeling down tonight if someone has any suggestions comment a song. nan,0,1,2,What made you feel X ?,feel sad,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you are feeling tonight,,,,True,012 ej27qi,I'm so tired of the medication dance,1a,rant,1,"Every time I try a new med or a new dosage it works for 2 weeks and then craps out on me. My doctor is left wondering ""if we even have the right diagnosis"" and I'm left wondering if I can actually survive like this. I almost think I liked it better with no diagnosis. At least I thought I was just a fuck up, and that I could learn to do better. Now I know my brain is just like this. I'm just fucking like this. Not doing okay today my friends. Thanks for listening.",W0ketheFUP,3,0,8,2020-01-02 18:42:50,ADHD,"Every time I try a new med or a new dosage it works for 2 weeks and then craps out on me. My doctor is left wondering ""if we even have the right diagnosis"" and I'm left wondering if I can actually survive like this. I almost think I liked it better with no diagnosis. At least I thought I was just a fuck up, and that I could learn to do better. Now I know my brain is just like this. I'm just fucking like this. Not doing okay today my friends. Thanks for listening.",2,1,0,,,,,,,,True,210 ejwg9d,Wondering if anyone else feels the same.,1a,survey,2,"There’s nothing worse than not caring enough to help yourself. You tell yourself next time will be different, but when the next time comes, you realize it still doesn’t matter to you. You hear your friends and family and strangers on the internet say the path leads to a shorter life, an unhappy life. And you start lying to them about how now you understand, and how you’re finally ready to change. You lie so much you begin to imagine yourself years down the road as a changed man. But you still don’t really care. You just want to fell good right now. And so it repeats.",reddita822,2,0,4,2020-01-04 13:09:03,addiction,"There’s nothing worse than not caring enough to help yourself. You tell yourself next time will be different, but when the next time comes, you realize it still doesn’t matter to you. You hear your friends and family and strangers on the internet say the path leads to a shorter life, an unhappy life. And you start lying to them about how now you understand, and how you’re finally ready to change. You lie so much you begin to imagine yourself years down the road as a changed man. But you still don’t really care. You just want to fell good right now. And so it repeats.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 epkt16,Will kratom help with tramadol withdrawals?,0,help-seeking,1,"I've tried this taper shit, I just don't have the will power. I'm not so worried about the physical withdrawals but the mental. I have a job where I am alone with just the person i caregive for so when I am withdrawaling at work my anxiety and depression is through the freaking roof. THATS the part I'm scared about. I've used kratom in the past coming off oxys. Will it help with the emotional part of coming off trams? Or any suggestions for what I can do to help with the mental withdrawals?",throwaway6836184759,1,0,8,2020-01-16 15:29:00,OpiatesRecovery,"Will kratom help with tramadol withdrawals? I've tried this taper shit, I just don't have the will power. I'm not so worried about the physical withdrawals but the mental. I have a job where I am alone with just the person i caregive for so when I am withdrawaling at work my anxiety and depression is through the freaking roof. THATS the part I'm scared about. I've used kratom in the past coming off oxys. Will it help with the emotional part of coming off trams? Or any suggestions for what I can do to help with the mental withdrawals?",1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your tramadol usage,,,,,,True,122 ek9nrb,Small breakthrough with my girlfriend,1b,chitchat,1,"I told her about my assault today, and I think I made a small breakthrough--or at least, I think there's a sign of progress. Usually when talking about it, I would say that ""I was assaulted,"" but today, for the first time, I said ""he assaulted me."" That's a good sign, right??",NotBrokenYetBritches,7,0,4,2020-01-05 07:06:58,ptsd,"Small breakthrough with my girlfriend I told her about my assault today, and I think I made a small breakthrough--or at least, I think there's a sign of progress. Usually when talking about it, I would say that ""I was assaulted,"" but today, for the first time, I said ""he assaulted me."" That's a good sign, right??",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,talking about your assault with your girlfriend,,,,True,202 ekbmme,Saddest story ever!,1b,rant,3,"I was heading home from my girlfriend house and it was taking a while. She lived well south of San Francisco and it was a weekend so the trains weren’t running. Instead you had to go to the station and a take a bus but the bus didn’t stop at every station and I had been at the wrong depot so I had to take a bus just to get to the place where I caught the bus and that bus didn’t come for half an hour so I sat on the long pews with the other passengers and waited for my ride home. I only saw my girlfriend maybe once a week because she lived so far away and when I saw her I was stuck there for 24 or 16 hours. But maybe stuck isn’t the right word. I was only happy when I was with her but she was so difficult, so intense, that once a week seemed like enough. It took me the rest of the time to recover. And often, after seeing her, I would lie in bed the whole next day, only getting up to eat, constantly hungry. It was like I had climbed a mountain or been beaten up. I was in the middle of finishing my novel, Happy Baby,and I felt very emotional a lot of the time. She hated the book, at least the pieces of it I let her read, and she wasn’t at all afraid to tell me so. After telling me how much she disliked what she had seen she asked me to read other parts to her which I did while she ignored me. I loved her so much it made me ill sometimes. At the time I was worried that *Happy Baby* was not funny enough. My editor had mentioned that to me, that if the book had a little more light in it there would be a wider audience. In fact, the book is not funny at all. It’s a very sad book about a man, Theo, who is molested as a boy in the detention center by a guard, Mr. Gracie. Mr. Gracie physically and verbally abuses him but also protects him from the other boys. In this way Theo learns to associate abuse with affection and searches out Mr. Gracie’s replacement for the rest of his life. I was wondering if anyone would be interested in such a dark book. My publisher didn’t think so. It was during that long bus ride away from my girlfriend and with my sad novel coming due that I read “I Want To Live” by Thom Jones from his collection [*The Pugilist At Rest*](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0316473049/ref=amb_link_2001342_4?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=0SCP9793AGBKKAXYKAP6&pf_rd_t=1401&pf_rd_p=195577201&pf_rd_i=537450). In “I Want To Live” we meet Mrs. Wilson just as she is finding out she has cancer. It seems, on the face of it, a terrible idea for a story. Like it’s almost too easy to be good, a story about a woman who gets cancer and dies. But somehow Thom Jones pulls it off with perfect, beautiful minimalism. We rise with her highs and lows, though the dilaudid and the pain. We get brief, unexplained glimpses of her estranged daughter, her good for nothing son-in-law who turns out to be the unexpected hero when given a chance. Jones holds nothing back, guiding us through all of Mrs. Wilson’s small, terrible moments: *She began to nod. She was holding onto a carton of milk. It would spill. Like diarrhea-in-the-bed all over again. Another mess. The daughter tried to take the carton of milk away. She… held on defiantly. Forget the Shopenhauer–what a lot of crap that was! She did not want to cross over. She wanted to live! She wanted to live!* It’s an incredibly sad story. Perhaps the saddest story I’ve ever read. I leaned against the window and felt the bumps of the road through my forehead. There were so many passengers on the bus. I didn’t want them to see me crying. I thought my relationship had gone too far; I couldn’t keep going like this. We’d only been together a few months and already I was crying on the bus. I never knew if she was going to let me sleep in the bed with her or if she was going to let me go in the morning. Sometimes she told me to sleep on the floor only to invite me into her bed later. She was always angry with me; I had always ruined whatever was planned. She said the most awful things about my writing, about my relationship with my family: “I’m not your father. I’m not your mother re-incarnate.” I thought there was something really wrong with me. It was sunny south of San Francisco, the way it always is. Then I read the story again and cried some more. Later I showed the story to others. Sometimes they liked it. More often they thought it was too sad. People don’t like to be sad. More people disliked than liked it. But somehow throughout it all Thom Jones had come to explain the meaning of life, why it’s important to enjoy what you have, what you mean and don’t mean to the people around you, why life matters, that it’s such a fleeting thing and you don’t get to do it again. Simultaneously he described the meaningfulness and meaninglessness of it all. He had written a story that was so perfect that it exposed some of the most basic truths of human existence. I now knew what it felt like to learn you were going to die and the process of that long, painful slide into nothingness. When I was younger, starting when I was eight years old, I had watched my mother go through it over five years as she fought her swift, losing battle with Multiple Sclerosis. For most of that time she was laid up on the couch practically paralyzed, unable to even make it to the bathroom. I had grasped nothing at the time. I was too young and selfish. And yet here, in this short story, there it all was. And I remember thinking, almost in San Francisco where the bus would leave us at 8th and Mission Street and I would walk the mile and a half back to my dirty studio, that happiness is bullshit. Not on a personal level; a person should strive to be happy. But in a story happiness was irrelevant. People work too hard to make their fiction funny. There’s nothing wrong with funny but it’s not what matters. The most important thing fiction can do is teach the truth, illuminate something that couldn’t be discovered in any other way. I stopped thinking of ways to make *Happy Baby* funnier and more accessible. I cut every adjective, removed all traces of backstory. I wasn’t going to explain the unnecessary. I was writing a book about a man who equated abuse with affection. I was exploring, through fiction, how that could happen and where that might come from. I wanted my reader to understand this condition and I wanted to understand it myself. I will never write anything as good as “I Want To Live” (which was in the *Best American Short Stories* that year as well as the [*Best American Short Stories of the Century*](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0395843677/ref=amb_link_2001342_5?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=0SCP9793AGBKKAXYKAP6&pf_rd_t=1401&pf_rd_p=195577201&pf_rd_i=537450)) but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to strive toward its virtue. I stayed with my girlfriend for almost a year after that. Our relationship was unsustainable and that we lasted as long as we did is a tribute to how far two people can go on passion alone. Before I met her I began my novel. Ironically, or maybe not, she left me to pursue a relationship that was more stable. It took me a little while to accept that and let her go but eventually I did. A month before we broke up *Happy Baby* came out and she decided she liked it after all. Thank You for reading...",Radiant-Shine,1,0,1,2020-01-05 10:57:56,sad,"I was heading home from my girlfriend house and it was taking a while. She lived well south of San Francisco and it was a weekend so the trains weren’t running. Instead you had to go to the station and a take a bus but the bus didn’t stop at every station and I had been at the wrong depot so I had to take a bus just to get to the place where I caught the bus and that bus didn’t come for half an hour so I sat on the long pews with the other passengers and waited for my ride home. I only saw my girlfriend maybe once a week because she lived so far away and when I saw her I was stuck there for 24 or 16 hours. But maybe stuck isn’t the right word. I was only happy when I was with her but she was so difficult, so intense, that once a week seemed like enough. It took me the rest of the time to recover. And often, after seeing her, I would lie in bed the whole next day, only getting up to eat, constantly hungry. It was like I had climbed a mountain or been beaten up. I was in the middle of finishing my novel, Happy Baby,and I felt very emotional a lot of the time. She hated the book, at least the pieces of it I let her read, and she wasn’t at all afraid to tell me so. After telling me how much she disliked what she had seen she asked me to read other parts to her which I did while she ignored me. I loved her so much it made me ill sometimes. At the time I was worried that *Happy Baby* was not funny enough. My editor had mentioned that to me, that if the book had a little more light in it there would be a wider audience. In fact, the book is not funny at all. It’s a very sad book about a man, Theo, who is molested as a boy in the detention center by a guard, Mr. Gracie. Mr. Gracie physically and verbally abuses him but also protects him from the other boys. In this way Theo learns to associate abuse with affection and searches out Mr. Gracie’s replacement for the rest of his life. I was wondering if anyone would be interested in such a dark book. My publisher didn’t think so. It was during that long bus ride away from my girlfriend and with my sad novel coming due that I read “I Want To Live” by Thom Jones from his collection [*The Pugilist At Rest*](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0316473049/ref=amb_link_2001342_4?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=0SCP9793AGBKKAXYKAP6&pf_rd_t=1401&pf_rd_p=195577201&pf_rd_i=537450). In “I Want To Live” we meet Mrs. Wilson just as she is finding out she has cancer. It seems, on the face of it, a terrible idea for a story. Like it’s almost too easy to be good, a story about a woman who gets cancer and dies. But somehow Thom Jones pulls it off with perfect, beautiful minimalism. We rise with her highs and lows, though the dilaudid and the pain. We get brief, unexplained glimpses of her estranged daughter, her good for nothing son-in-law who turns out to be the unexpected hero when given a chance. Jones holds nothing back, guiding us through all of Mrs. Wilson’s small, terrible moments: *She began to nod. She was holding onto a carton of milk. It would spill. Like diarrhea-in-the-bed all over again. Another mess. The daughter tried to take the carton of milk away. She… held on defiantly. Forget the Shopenhauer–what a lot of crap that was! She did not want to cross over. She wanted to live! She wanted to live!* It’s an incredibly sad story. Perhaps the saddest story I’ve ever read. I leaned against the window and felt the bumps of the road through my forehead. There were so many passengers on the bus. I didn’t want them to see me crying. I thought my relationship had gone too far; I couldn’t keep going like this. We’d only been together a few months and already I was crying on the bus. I never knew if she was going to let me sleep in the bed with her or if she was going to let me go in the morning. Sometimes she told me to sleep on the floor only to invite me into her bed later. She was always angry with me; I had always ruined whatever was planned. She said the most awful things about my writing, about my relationship with my family: “I’m not your father. I’m not your mother re-incarnate.” I thought there was something really wrong with me. It was sunny south of San Francisco, the way it always is. Then I read the story again and cried some more. Later I showed the story to others. Sometimes they liked it. More often they thought it was too sad. People don’t like to be sad. More people disliked than liked it. But somehow throughout it all Thom Jones had come to explain the meaning of life, why it’s important to enjoy what you have, what you mean and don’t mean to the people around you, why life matters, that it’s such a fleeting thing and you don’t get to do it again. Simultaneously he described the meaningfulness and meaninglessness of it all. He had written a story that was so perfect that it exposed some of the most basic truths of human existence. I now knew what it felt like to learn you were going to die and the process of that long, painful slide into nothingness. When I was younger, starting when I was eight years old, I had watched my mother go through it over five years as she fought her swift, losing battle with Multiple Sclerosis. For most of that time she was laid up on the couch practically paralyzed, unable to even make it to the bathroom. I had grasped nothing at the time. I was too young and selfish. And yet here, in this short story, there it all was. And I remember thinking, almost in San Francisco where the bus would leave us at 8th and Mission Street and I would walk the mile and a half back to my dirty studio, that happiness is bullshit. Not on a personal level; a person should strive to be happy. But in a story happiness was irrelevant. People work too hard to make their fiction funny. There’s nothing wrong with funny but it’s not what matters. The most important thing fiction can do is teach the truth, illuminate something that couldn’t be discovered in any other way. I stopped thinking of ways to make *Happy Baby* funnier and more accessible. I cut every adjective, removed all traces of backstory. I wasn’t going to explain the unnecessary. I was writing a book about a man who equated abuse with affection. I was exploring, through fiction, how that could happen and where that might come from. I wanted my reader to understand this condition and I wanted to understand it myself. I will never write anything as good as “I Want To Live” (which was in the *Best American Short Stories* that year as well as the [*Best American Short Stories of the Century*](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0395843677/ref=amb_link_2001342_5?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=0SCP9793AGBKKAXYKAP6&pf_rd_t=1401&pf_rd_p=195577201&pf_rd_i=537450)) but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to strive toward its virtue. I stayed with my girlfriend for almost a year after that. Our relationship was unsustainable and that we lasted as long as we did is a tribute to how far two people can go on passion alone. Before I met her I began my novel. Ironically, or maybe not, she left me to pursue a relationship that was more stable. It took me a little while to accept that and let her go but eventually I did. A month before we broke up *Happy Baby* came out and she decided she liked it after all. Thank You for reading...",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 ej6zjv,I want to cut so fucking bad right now,1a,rant,1,,Kaylaxblackrose,1,0,0,2020-01-03 00:17:26,selfharm,I want to cut so fucking bad right now ,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why do you want to cut yourself,How did X make you feel?,the urge to cut,What do you need help with now that X?,your having the urges to cut yourself,,True,100 eich0e,What's wrong with me,0,rant,1,My body is refusing to rat any thing unless it's a really small bite what's wrong with me,ihatelifejustkillme,1,0,4,2020-01-01 02:05:24,selfhelp,My body is refusing to rat any thing unless it's a really small bite what's wrong with me,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 eokyyz,How to tell my parents I was raped a year and a half ago,1a,help-seeking,2,"Hi everyone. I (17f) was raped when I was 15 by a guy I went on a date with and then was in a very toxic, abusive situation with. For over a year I didn't let myself think about what happened, nor even consider that what happened to me was nonconsensual; I kinda locked it down in a box I was never allowed to open. I effectively gaslighted myself to believe it wasn't rape. I told myself it was consensual so many times I struggled to remember what exactly happened until almost a year later, the first time I slept with a guy again while quite drunk. It all came back to me while doing it and I threw up after doing something specific, not because of the alcohol but because I went into flashback mode. Still, although my ex told me what happened was rape, I blamed myself for not screaming or physically fighting back more - it was only a week ago I actually accepted and believed it was rape. I said I didn't want to at the start, I kept saying I didn't want to, and my pelvic floor completely shut down when he tried, but he just kept going. I finally know that was rape. Now that I finally have accepted it, I'm looking at how to move forward. I have told my boyfriend, who has been absolutely amazing and doesn't expect me to do anything I don't want to do, and I told my therapist this morning. However, I feel like I really need to tell my parents what happened as I think it is feeding into my anorexia and anxiety. Do any of you have any tips on how to have this conversation and how to deal with their reaction? I'm worried they'll be upset I didn't tell them sooner, or start crying because they're so sad, or want to go to the police immediately (which I don't think I want to do), and I don't know how I'll look them in the eye after I tell them because I'm so ashamed. Any advice would be much appreciated.",theonetruebicon,1,0,6,2020-01-14 13:01:39,rapecounseling,"Hi everyone. I (17f) was raped when I was 15 by a guy I went on a date with and then was in a very toxic, abusive situation with. For over a year I didn't let myself think about what happened, nor even consider that what happened to me was nonconsensual; I kinda locked it down in a box I was never allowed to open. I effectively gaslighted myself to believe it wasn't rape. I told myself it was consensual so many times I struggled to remember what exactly happened until almost a year later, the first time I slept with a guy again while quite drunk. It all came back to me while doing it and I threw up after doing something specific, not because of the alcohol but because I went into flashback mode. Still, although my ex told me what happened was rape, I blamed myself for not screaming or physically fighting back more - it was only a week ago I actually accepted and believed it was rape. I said I didn't want to at the start, I kept saying I didn't want to, and my pelvic floor completely shut down when he tried, but he just kept going. I finally know that was rape. Now that I finally have accepted it, I'm looking at how to move forward. I have told my boyfriend, who has been absolutely amazing and doesn't expect me to do anything I don't want to do, and I told my therapist this morning. However, I feel like I really need to tell my parents what happened as I think it is feeding into my anorexia and anxiety. Do any of you have any tips on how to have this conversation and how to deal with their reaction? I'm worried they'll be upset I didn't tell them sooner, or start crying because they're so sad, or want to go to the police immediately (which I don't think I want to do), and I don't know how I'll look them in the eye after I tell them because I'm so ashamed. Any advice would be much appreciated.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ewm5i8,I... I don't know why I'm doing this,1b,help-seeking,1,"He raped me, I was traumatised by it. I've had Ptsd because of what he did, I have night terrors. I use to cry just hearing his name. I recently found out I was pregnant with his baby. I fought with him the other day like we were just an average couple, I feel Kinda stupid now. I left angry but then I returned. I still don't fully know why. Just hugged him tightly gripping onto his t shirt. He didn't do nothing just held me through the night Why am I feeling like this?... Will I ever stop feeling like this? How do I stop feeling like this?",jkk-quantum,1,0,4,2020-01-31 09:49:55,rapecounseling,"He raped me, I was traumatised by it. I've had Ptsd because of what he did, I have night terrors. I use to cry just hearing his name. I recently found out I was pregnant with his baby. I fought with him the other day like we were just an average couple. I feel Kinda stupid now. I left angry but then I returned. I still don't fully know why. Just hugged him tightly gripping onto his t shirt. He didn't do nothing just held me through the night Why am I feeling like this?... Will I ever stop feeling like this? How do I stop feeling like this?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ekt369,Feels ironic that after joining the social anxiety discord I'm having the worst anxiety I've had in a while,0,rant,1,Literally haven't stopped shaking lol,Heinvich,1,0,2,2020-01-06 11:46:54,socialanxiety,Feels ironic that after joining the social anxiety discord I'm having the worst anxiety I've had in a while Literally haven't stopped shaking lol,1,1,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what made you anxious,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how the anxiety made you feel,What do you need help with now that X?,you are shaking due to anxiety,title,True,110 ej2kee,Sponsor Help!,1a,help-seeking,1,"Hello! I have 931 days of sobriety as of today. However, I have never had a sponsor and I feel like I need one. I have never gone thru the steps, but I do attend a weekly meeting. The voice in my head is that I've got enough things in my life competing for my time. I tell my self that, I'm doing fine but I really not. I have issues asking for help, especially from strangers. I am obviously an invert, shy person. I do not like to follow rules and have a feeling I don't want more ""commitments"". I guess a fear rejection too. I struggled through the holidays this year and have to find a new job soon plus a pending divorce so I need to bolster my defenses and recommit to recovery. I don't know why this is so hard for me!! How do I ask for help without feeling foolish?",OneTonTomato,3,0,47,2020-01-02 19:07:33,alcoholicsanonymous,"Hello! I have 931 days of sobriety as of today. However, I have never had a sponsor and I feel like I need one. I have never gone thru the steps, but I do attend a weekly meeting. The voice in my head is that I've got enough things in my life competing for my time. I tell my self that, I'm doing fine but I really not. I have issues asking for help, especially from strangers. I am obviously an invert, shy person. I do not like to follow rules and have a feeling I don't want more ""commitments"". I guess a fear rejection too. I struggled through the holidays this year and have to find a new job soon plus a pending divorce so I need to bolster my defenses and recommit to recovery. I don't know why this is so hard for me!! How do I ask for help without feeling foolish?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 f2h8k3,10 years later..He still tries to contact,0,chitchat,1,"I met my ex at my 1st job after college. He was several years older than me, no children, never been married. I was in early 20s, straight out of college. I was extremely nerdy, so I was surprised when he approached me and asked me out. Everything seemed wonderful at first. We would spend time together all the time watching old movies (but always at his apartment). I noticed little things, like he would always comment on the way I dress, calling it childish or ""I dressed like a Sunday school teacher"", but I shrugged it off.",completelylost2u,1,0,3,2020-02-11 23:26:52,domesticviolence,"10 years later..He still tries to contact I met my ex at my 1st job after college. He was several years older than me, no children, never been married. I was in early 20s, straight out of college. I was extremely nerdy, so I was surprised when he approached me and asked me out. Everything seemed wonderful at first. We would spend time together all the time watching old movies (but always at his apartment). I noticed little things, like he would always comment on the way I dress, calling it childish or ""I dressed like a Sunday school teacher"", but I shrugged it off.",1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what happened 10 year earlier,How did X make you feel?,him contacting you again,What do you need help with now that X?,he is contacting you again after 10 years,,True,100 eodwf2,Don't know what to do,1a,help-seeking,1,"I've had do deal with some kind of undiagnosed mental illness and my breakdowns are becoming more frequent ever since my dad had to deal with his brain surgery. I don't know what to do, souly having to go to my god awful job has caused me to be so furious and the girl in my head can't help anymore. I don't even know what I'm asking but if someone can help I'd much appreciate it.",LivinVidas,1,0,4,2020-01-14 01:22:28,mentalillness,"I've had do deal with some kind of undiagnosed mental illness and my breakdowns are becoming more frequent ever since my dad had to deal with his brain surgery. I don't know what to do, souly having to go to my god awful job has caused me to be so furious and the girl in my head can't help anymore. I don't even know what I'm asking but if someone can help I'd much appreciate it.",2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,the breakdowns and illness,What do you need help with now that X?,the mental illness makes your furious,,True,200 eibk18,The end seems closer than usual.,1a,rant,2,"Years of clinical depression thought me some survival skills that I can use during the normal days, yet extreme is still of out my reach in terms of panic or sadness. Can I just delete myself as I tried three times already? There's sadness, there's a family I care of and honestly, that's one of the main thoughts that keeps me alive. The sadness I always lived with came back doubled in strength, with the notes that describe my end, with the ironic smile I can provide. &#x200B; And here I am, writing those notes, my thoughts that are coming out faster I can analyze, there's the world I lost but wanted to, there are people I care about that just can't anymore. If people still care then those people are carrying my pain and they're the only the family I have. Only people I still can write a message to. Please give me the rest, out of the pain I was feeling those years, countless pills that only hide the pain, the suicide I can relate to, I'm feeling my wines, my brain, my head, my emotions. &#x200B; I wish I could get rid of the emotions and just live the life as it is, but learned already I cannot. The pain was always coming back and ot's now with me, as it was before. It's kinda soft and comfortable, knowing the time is coming, the person you care you if seeing other stars. &#x200B; My time is coming, regardless how irrelevant the time is. &#x200B; My monster came again, I wasn't ready.",tsarkashchey,1,0,0,2020-01-01 00:43:42,depression,"Years of clinical depression thought me some survival skills that I can use during the normal days, yet extreme is still of out my reach in terms of panic or sadness. Can I just delete myself as I tried three times already? There's sadness, there's a family I care of and honestly, that's one of the main thoughts that keeps me alive. The sadness I always lived with came back doubled in strength, with the notes that describe my end, with the ironic smile I can provide. &#x200B; And here I am, writing those notes, my thoughts that are coming out faster I can analyze, there's the world I lost but wanted to, there are people I care about that just can't anymore. If people still care then those people are carrying my pain and they're the only the family I have. Only people I still can write a message to. Please give me the rest, out of the pain I was feeling those years, countless pills that only hide the pain, the suicide I can relate to, I'm feeling my wines, my brain, my head, my emotions. &#x200B; I wish I could get rid of the emotions and just live the life as it is, but learned already I cannot. The pain was always coming back and ot's now with me, as it was before. It's kinda soft and comfortable, knowing the time is coming, the person you care you if seeing other stars. &#x200B; My time is coming, regardless how irrelevant the time is. &#x200B; My monster came again, I wasn't ready.",2,2,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you relieve the pain,suicidal,True,221 eig7uo,Leaving this sub. Thanks,0,chitchat,1,"Thank you for being here, new years resolution is to quit so hopefully I can do it..",Demifences,1,0,0,2020-01-01 08:40:46,selfharm,"Thank you for being here, new years resolution is to quit so hopefully I can do it..",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 ekp2td,"I made a little piece of music, pretty simple, but making it felt therapeutic. It acted as a meditation on my situation.",0,chitchat,1,,I_Actually_Hate_You,1,0,0,2020-01-06 04:52:41,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eie45t,This is my last new years celebration,1a,rant,1,"I'm gonna end it soon. Four months left. I've made my peace with the big plan, so there's no talking me out of it. I'm sorry guys. I'm gonna break my family's heart. I'm gonna break my friends hearts. But I gotta do this. I'm in too much pain. Whether I go to heaven or hell, I'll look after them, making sure they move on with their lives.",karennahir,1,0,4,2020-01-01 04:48:29,BPD,"This is my last new years celebration I'm gonna end it soon. Four months left. I've made my peace with the big plan, so there's no talking me out of it. I'm sorry guys. I'm gonna break my family's heart. I'm gonna break my friends hearts. But I gotta do this. I'm in too much pain. Whether I go to heaven or hell, I'll look after them, making sure they move on with their lives.",1,1,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why are you wanting to end it,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how this decision of yours make you feel,What do you need help with now that X?,you are in so much pain,,True,110 ej1fyl,I Have To Be Brave,1a,chitchat,2,"I went to a meeting last night for the first time in months. We went around the room to introduce ourselves and all I could get out was ""My name is coffeandtea0909, and idk what to say other than I'm here"". I have to admit that I deserve to be happy. When I went to a meeting last night I went into almost overwhelming panic because the whole time I was thinking ""fuck! I relate to this. This is really me. This is me"". What do I do? Is this a monkey on my back for the rest of my life? Yeah, probably. But I have to be happy. Suicide runs in my family, addiction runs in my family, bipolar disorder runs in my family. I don't want my life to be a tragedy. I have to trust God as I see him. I have to let go of my crazy worries that I will get cancer or audited and sent to prison by the IRS or any crazy concoction my mind makes up to try and halt my sobriety and my desire to stay sober. I am scared. But I have to be brave. I have to start over with AA and prayer and all the things I was doing before. I can't seem to let go of my fear but I have to be brave. Thank you all for your awesome support and Happy New Year.",coffeeandtea0909,1,0,6,2020-01-02 17:47:10,alcoholicsanonymous,"I went to a meeting last night for the first time in months. We went around the room to introduce ourselves and all I could get out was ""My name is coffeandtea0909, and idk what to say other than I'm here"". I have to admit that I deserve to be happy. When I went to a meeting last night I went into almost overwhelming panic because the whole time I was thinking ""fuck! I relate to this. This is really me. This is me"". What do I do? Is this a monkey on my back for the rest of my life? Yeah, probably. But I have to be happy. Suicide runs in my family, addiction runs in my family, bipolar disorder runs in my family. I don't want my life to be a tragedy. I have to trust God as I see him. I have to let go of my crazy worries that I will get cancer or audited and sent to prison by the IRS or any crazy concoction my mind makes up to try and halt my sobriety and my desire to stay sober. I am scared. But I have to be brave. I have to start over with AA and prayer and all the things I was doing before. I can't seem to let go of my fear but I have to be brave. Thank you all for your awesome support and Happy New Year.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eps2bh,Helping someone recover,0,help-seeking,1,My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months. He is addicted to heroin but currently using Suboxone. He started using the Suboxone about 4 months ago and it has been a very rough ride. I'd like to hear from other people in recovery how I can best help him through this. I have never personally dealt with substance abuse and I feel at a disadvantage. I never know what to say when he's feeling hopeless or what to do to ease his discomfort. Any advice would be deeply appreciated.,anxiety_mermaid,1,0,18,2020-01-16 23:59:36,OpiatesRecovery,My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months. He is addicted to heroin but currently using Suboxone. He started using the Suboxone about 4 months ago and it has been a very rough ride. I'd like to hear from other people in recovery how I can best help him through this. I have never personally dealt with substance abuse and I feel at a disadvantage. I never know what to say when he's feeling hopeless or what to do to ease his discomfort. Any advice would be deeply appreciated.,2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about your boyfriend's discomfort,,,,True,212 ekur7t,Please Help,1a,help-seeking,1,"I hope this doesn't come off as weird but I dont know where else to turn. I'm addicted to Nasal Spray (phenylephrine) and have been using it for 4-5years now. I feel like its ruining my life and I'm at my wits end. I wake up 3-6 times a night because I can't breathe and need to use the spray again and again. A get sinus infections a couple times a year and I know that using this shit is probably the cause. It's just so hard to stop because when I don't use it, I can't breathe out my nose. I'm embarrassed that I feel panicked if I'm in public and have forgotten my nasal spray at home. Please, if anyone has any suggestions or anything, I'll try anything. I dont have any insurance so I havent been able to see a doctor about this.",mistyxautumn1,1,0,9,2020-01-06 14:22:36,addiction,"I hope this doesn't come off as weird but I dont know where else to turn. I'm addicted to Nasal Spray (phenylephrine) and have been using it for 4-5years now. I feel like its ruining my life and I'm at my wits end. I wake up 3-6 times a night because I can't breathe and need to use the spray again and again. A get sinus infections a couple times a year and I know that using this shit is probably the cause. It's just so hard to stop because when I don't use it, I can't breathe out my nose. I'm embarrassed that I feel panicked if I'm in public and have forgotten my nasal spray at home. Please, if anyone has any suggestions or anything, I'll try anything. I dont have any insurance so I havent been able to see a doctor about this.",2,2,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help reduce your usage of Nasal Spray,,True,221 eiygah,I feel like I'm drowning and it's my own fault,1a,rant,2,"Sorry if this isn't the right place I just need to get this off my chest and just a heads up the layout is going to be a mess as i dont know how to word this and my mind is all over the place. It's my fault and as much as I could point fingers I only have myself to blame since I am responsible for giving up on myself and letting things get this bad. I lost my job a few months ago as my back gave out and they forced my to work to the point where I couldn't stand for longer than 20 minutes at a time without crying and because of the stress of everything going on my mental health started to plummet and I started hearing the voices again and seeing things, because I lost my job I couldnt pay my credit card bills making my head get even worse, I've been applying to jobs like crazy desperately trying to get any income and then something broke in me, I stopped applying to jobs then I stopped leaving the house and then finally stopped leaving my bed for days at a time last week I missed my appointment to get more meds so I just let myself go through withdrawal which is making me feel like death. Today it all stops, I'm going to keep working out and eat properly, I'm going to call the bank and explain what is going on, I'll call the doctors and work on my cv because as hard as it is to look at my issues and acknowledge them it is causing me much more pain by ignoring them.",RedditIsNowOnMyPhone,1,0,2,2020-01-02 13:49:45,selfhelp,"Sorry if this isn't the right place I just need to get this off my chest and just a heads up the layout is going to be a mess as i dont know how to word this and my mind is all over the place. It's my fault and as much as I could point fingers I only have myself to blame since I am responsible for giving up on myself and letting things get this bad. I lost my job a few months ago as my back gave out and they forced my to work to the point where I couldn't stand for longer than 20 minutes at a time without crying and because of the stress of everything going on my mental health started to plummet and I started hearing the voices again and seeing things, because I lost my job I couldnt pay my credit card bills making my head get even worse, I've been applying to jobs like crazy desperately trying to get any income and then something broke in me, I stopped applying to jobs then I stopped leaving the house and then finally stopped leaving my bed for days at a time last week I missed my appointment to get more meds so I just let myself go through withdrawal which is making me feel like death. Today it all stops, I'm going to keep working out and eat properly, I'm going to call the bank and explain what is going on, I'll call the doctors and work on my cv because as hard as it is to look at my issues and acknowledge them it is causing me much more pain by ignoring them.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you have decided to face these issues,,True,220 ekzhoj,Depressing experience with mental health services,1a,rant,1,"I've been seeking help for roughly a year. I'm just writing out my experience to see if anybody can relate. After breaking down, I was told by loved ones to seek medical help. I did that. I followed it all the way up the chain. The places medical professionals told me to go, I went there, and they told me there was nothing they could do, apart from putting me in a residence for the mentally ill. Everyone, including medical professionals has told me that that would be a terrible idea. I stuffed so much emotions down my whole life, then find it impossible to open up during counselling.",FenderES6137,2,0,1,2020-01-06 20:08:49,ptsd,"Depressing experience with mental health services I've been seeking help for roughly a year. I'm just writing out my experience to see if anybody can relate. After breaking down, I was told by loved ones to seek medical help. I did that. I followed it all the way up the chain. The places medical professionals told me to go, I went there, and they told me there was nothing they could do, apart from putting me in a residence for the mentally ill. Everyone, including medical professionals has told me that that would be a terrible idea. I stuffed so much emotions down my whole life, then find it impossible to open up during counselling.",2,0,1,,,How did X make you feel?,the bad experience with the medical services,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you cure your mental issues,,True,201 ep3h2h,I think being possibly assaulted as a teen has lead me to develop unhealthy patterns.,1b,rant,2,"I was 16 and my boyfriend and I had taken a break. I wasn’t sure what I wanted and we were fighting a lot. My mental health was never good as I grew up in a home with an alcoholic parent, lots of fighting, and a brother who was on his way to trouble. My brother was about 22-23 when I was 16 and he had been dating my best friend. They had just broken up. I was never okay with them dating and everyone knew it wasn’t right but let it go. Anyway this summer is when I started to really drink a lot. My brother was well into his alcoholism and hanging out with a bad crowd. He’d encourage my friends and I to drink and supply us with the liquor. And he had a friend, also 22-23 who was now living in my home. The first time something happened, I was incredibly drunk. The friend kept flirting and I remember thinking I must have been so cool since he was older. I remember I went to walk away though, and he sort of grabbed me and started aggressively kissing me. So I did it back. I remember feeling a little frozen by it but figured it was normal. I would drink a lot this summer with my friends and brother and his friend and this happened a few more times. Then one night I caught my brother having sex with another one of my friends- again totally messed up and she was so drunk too. I remember crying and my brothers friend tried comforting me. Eventually he started pulling my hand to his penis and wanting me to get him off. I’d do it and stop and he would force it back. He was holding me there pretty hard and I just went along with it. I still feel really violated by it to this day. I know I played a roll, but I feel like it just wasn’t a good environment for someone my age. Eventually I got back with my boyfriend and stopped drinking so often. Then when I turned 21 I began drinking again. Whenever I would drink I would black out. I went to a party and got so drunk. I remember being on the couch and trying to sleep and a guy from high school was there. I was crying and rambling and I don’t remember much else except waking up the next morning to him gone. When I asked what happened he said we kissed a little and then he left cuz I was asleep. I told my boyfriend when I processed it and we moved on. But I’ve gotten into other bad situations with guys while being blackout drunk. It’s never gone as far but I’ve put myself in positions that aren’t appropriate and could be dangerous. I’ll find out the next day that I was stumbling around, falling, making no sense. Leaning or laying on everyone. I’ve always been honest with my boyfriend and things had been fine for years when I stopped drinking. Ultimately we have decided that my drinking is really the issue here and I need to stop because it’s a problem. I don’t drink often, 3-4 times a month at most, sometimes not for months though. But when I do it’s always too far. I guess I’m wondering if my experiences when I was younger have affected how I act now around men when I’m that drunk or if I’m just an easy target because I get that drunk. When I’m sober, every single experience I’ve had makes me feel sick and disgusted and ashamed. It’s things I would never do sober. I know I’ve cheated and betrayed my boyfriend, and I’m not taking away from that, but I’m just wondering if I was truly assaulted at 16 and how that may be affecting my actions now. Sorry for the ramble, I’m just going through it right now and not doing great.",vitalogy95,1,0,0,2020-01-15 15:10:10,rapecounseling,"I was 16 and my boyfriend and I had taken a break. I wasn’t sure what I wanted and we were fighting a lot. My mental health was never good as I grew up in a home with an alcoholic parent, lots of fighting, and a brother who was on his way to trouble. My brother was about 22-23 when I was 16 and he had been dating my best friend. They had just broken up. I was never okay with them dating and everyone knew it wasn’t right but let it go. Anyway this summer is when I started to really drink a lot. My brother was well into his alcoholism and hanging out with a bad crowd. He’d encourage my friends and I to drink and supply us with the liquor. And he had a friend, also 22-23 who was now living in my home. The first time something happened, I was incredibly drunk. The friend kept flirting and I remember thinking I must have been so cool since he was older. I remember I went to walk away though, and he sort of grabbed me and started aggressively kissing me. So I did it back. I remember feeling a little frozen by it but figured it was normal. I would drink a lot this summer with my friends and brother and his friend and this happened a few more times. Then one night I caught my brother having sex with another one of my friends- again totally messed up and she was so drunk too. I remember crying and my brothers friend tried comforting me. Eventually he started pulling my hand to his penis and wanting me to get him off. I’d do it and stop and he would force it back. He was holding me there pretty hard and I just went along with it. I still feel really violated by it to this day. I know I played a roll, but I feel like it just wasn’t a good environment for someone my age. Eventually I got back with my boyfriend and stopped drinking so often. Then when I turned 21 I began drinking again. Whenever I would drink I would black out. I went to a party and got so drunk. I remember being on the couch and trying to sleep and a guy from high school was there. I was crying and rambling and I don’t remember much else except waking up the next morning to him gone. When I asked what happened he said we kissed a little and then he left cuz I was asleep. I told my boyfriend when I processed it and we moved on. But I’ve gotten into other bad situations with guys while being blackout drunk. It’s never gone as far but I’ve put myself in positions that aren’t appropriate and could be dangerous. I’ll find out the next day that I was stumbling around, falling, making no sense. Leaning or laying on everyone. I’ve always been honest with my boyfriend and things had been fine for years when I stopped drinking. Ultimately we have decided that my drinking is really the issue here and I need to stop because it’s a problem. I don’t drink often, 3-4 times a month at most, sometimes not for months though. But when I do it’s always too far. I guess I’m wondering if my experiences when I was younger have affected how I act now around men when I’m that drunk or if I’m just an easy target because I get that drunk. When I’m sober, every single experience I’ve had makes me feel sick and disgusted and ashamed. It’s things I would never do sober. I know I’ve cheated and betrayed my boyfriend, and I’m not taking away from that, but I’m just wondering if I was truly assaulted at 16 and how that may be affecting my actions now. Sorry for the ramble, I’m just going through it right now and not doing great.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel ashamed and disgusted with sex when sober,,True,220 eiq20s,Is Deja Vu normal?,0,help-seeking,1,I have a feeling of Deju Vu id say every 3 week to 3 months and i was wondering is this normal its got my anxiety going haywire at the moment any response will be appreciated.,FlamingGunship,1,0,2,2020-01-02 00:03:16,Anxiety,I have a feeling of Deju Vu id say every 3 week to 3 months. I was wondering is this normal its got my anxiety going haywire at the moment any response will be appreciated.,1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,you feeling of deja vu,How did X make you feel?,experiencing deja vu,,,,True,102 ekeqxf,4 and a half days fent free,1a,rant,1,"I think I cheated though with Xanax and gabapentin but oh well. I hold day 5 and 6 are ok for me. I'm looking forward to a couple weeks or even a month. The rls is still there tho so wd def isn't over I know I'm gonna have so much anxiety being sober but I guess I'll just have to deal with it. Wish I had more people to talk too but oh well yourself is better then anybody right. I'm pretty happy I made it this far and thanks for the tips. Much luv",fentypressy,1,0,12,2020-01-05 15:58:35,OpiatesRecovery,I think I cheated though with Xanax and gabapentin but oh well. I hold day 5 and 6 are ok for me. I'm looking forward to a couple weeks or even a month. The rls is still there tho so wd def isn't over I know I'm gonna have so much anxiety being sober but I guess I'll just have to deal with it. Wish I had more people to talk too but oh well yourself is better then anybody right. I'm pretty happy I made it this far and thanks for the tips. Much luv,2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 f2ppdn,Why?,1a,rant,1,"It still hurts that they did it. I’m 20 now. It happened when I was 10, but it still effects me every day. I will never completely get back my sense of safety confidence and adventure. I still feel the shame. I still feel the need to be punished. I can’t shake the shame and dirtiness. I feel it all the time. Just in different forms. I feel the need to starve myself because I don’t deserve food. I feel the need to bite into my arms because I deserve punishment. I feel the need to stay silent in public settings because my words don’t matter. I don’t matter. I feel the need to stay away from everyone because I don’t feel safe with new people and if I trust someone again it’ll be my fault. I’ve been to therapy but these feelings are stuck. Like I can’t unlearn them. And I hate them so much for that.",Kay1999,1,0,3,2020-02-12 11:15:02,rapecounseling,"It still hurts that they did it. I’m 20 now. It happened when I was 10, but it still effects me every day. I will never completely get back my sense of safety confidence and adventure. I still feel the shame. I still feel the need to be punished. I can’t shake the shame and dirtiness. I feel it all the time. Just in different forms. I feel the need to starve myself because I don’t deserve food. I feel the need to bite into my arms because I deserve punishment. I feel the need to stay silent in public settings because my words don’t matter. I don’t matter. I feel the need to stay away from everyone because I don’t feel safe with new people and if I trust someone again it’ll be my fault. I’ve been to therapy but these feelings are stuck. Like I can’t unlearn them. And I hate them so much for that.",2,2,0,,,,,What can help you overcome X ?,the feeling of shame and dirtiness,,True,220 ej7tp2,Witnessing domestic violence of motel neighbours,1b,help-seeking,1,"I'm in a motel/apartment sharing a small kitchen block with another room. As I'm typing this I hear the guy in the room verbally and physically abuse the woman, it's fucking terrifying. I thought about confronting him but I don't know if that will help the situation or if he will beat me up, he's a big guy. Is there anything I can do right now? I'm feeling like a coward not doing anything but I'm really conflicted",melodicDistance,3,0,4,2020-01-03 01:20:53,domesticviolence,"I'm in a motel/apartment sharing a small kitchen block with another room. As I'm typing this I hear the guy in the room verbally and physically abuse the woman. it's fucking terrifying. I thought about confronting him but I don't know if that will help the situation or if he will beat me up, he's a big guy. Is there anything I can do right now? I'm feeling like a coward not doing anything but I'm really conflicted",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ejh937,purpley grey cuts?,0,help-seeking,1,the ones that didn't bleed are completely scabbed over and have been for a couple days but now they look grey and purple. kind of looks like i took a pencil to my arm. is this normal?,reaganisannoying,3,0,2,2020-01-03 15:55:02,selfharm,the ones that didn't bleed are completely scabbed over and have been for a couple days but now they look grey and purple. kind of looks like i took a pencil to my arm. is this normal?,1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you cut yourself,How did X make you feel?,the cuts getting purple,,,,True,102 emuvst,"saw the girl who caused my ptsd at the shops, exactly 1 year after the event that caused it took place :)))))",0,rant,1,"as much as it feels bad to say aloud, i feel jealous that she seems to be living a happy life, whilst i feel like i’m trapped in a nightmare because of her :( it just makes life feel unfair to be completely honest",trvent17,1,0,6,2020-01-10 18:19:14,ptsd,"aw the girl who caused my ptsd at the shops, exactly 1 year after the event that caused it took place :))))) as much as it feels bad to say aloud, i feel jealous that she seems to be living a happy life, whilst i feel like i’m trapped in a nightmare because of her :( it just makes life feel unfair to be completely honest",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how the girl caused you ptsd,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are trapped in a nightmare because of the girl,,True,120 ezshcf,.,1a,rant,1,"What the fuck is going on with me?? I can’t stop trembling. My body feels like it is on alert. The hair on the back of my neck is standing on end. My shoulders tingle. “Don’t move, he’s behind you. Don’t struggle, it’ll make it worse. Bite your tongue, you don’t want anyone to hear you.” I can’t stop crying. I’m so afraid right now. I’m going on 24 hours of these thoughts and I’m exhausted and terrified. Fuck. I was doing so well, I was living my life. Fuck. I thought I was healing. I’m so afraid and I feel out of control. And I have the overwhelming desire to not live right now.",deeplynugget,1,0,5,2020-02-06 13:38:42,rapecounseling,"What the fuck is going on with me?? I can’t stop trembling. My body feels like it is on alert. The hair on the back of my neck is standing on end. My shoulders tingle. “Don’t move, he’s behind you. Don’t struggle, it’ll make it worse. Bite your tongue, you don’t want anyone to hear you.” I can’t stop crying. I’m so afraid right now. I’m going on 24 hours of these thoughts and I’m exhausted and terrified. Fuck. I was doing so well, I was living my life. Fuck. I thought I was healing. I’m so afraid and I feel out of control. And I have the overwhelming desire to not live right now.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are terrified of the intrusive thoughts,,True,220 ej1pjo,Apps that help?,0,help-seeking,1,"Anyone have any apps that helps in any number of ways? I was thinking a robust schedule/agenda app could really help. Or some meditation apps?",Alarratt,2,0,4,2020-01-02 18:06:22,ADHD,Anyone have any apps that helps in any number of ways? I was thinking a robust schedule/agenda app could really help. Or some meditation apps?,0,0,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,001 f68cpb,How to hide my depression?,0,help-seeking,1,"Don't worry, I'm getting professional help for it. I'm asking this question because I don't want the depression to affect my relationships as much as it does now. I see my close ones get annoyed and frustrated at me/my mood changes and it makes me feel even more guilty and depressed. I'm pretty sure I'll never fully recover because I'm naturally quite melancholic. How do I keep myself looking happy and fun?",sangriasky,1,0,4,2020-02-19 09:18:44,getting_over_it,"How to hide my depression? Don't worry, I'm getting professional help for it. I'm asking this question because I don't want the depression to affect my relationships as much as it does now. I see my close ones get annoyed and frustrated at me/my mood changes and it makes me feel even more guilty and depressed. I'm pretty sure I'll never fully recover because I'm naturally quite melancholic. How do I keep myself looking happy and fun?",1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,more on what caused your depression,,,,,,True,122 eibyjv,When did you realise you were an alcoholic?,1a,survey,1,"I’ve spent years on the edge, taking tests, wondering, trying to figure out whether I’m an alcoholic or an alcohol abuser. I tick half the boxes but it never seems enough to tip me over, to acknowledge that I have a genuine problem. I don’t drink before 10am, I don’t drink every day but yet every time I try to stop drinking, even to have a break, I can’t. There’s always a bad day, a good day, a weak day, something that breaks my willpower. I’ve always had addictive tendencies, it was once ocd, I counted steps and pulled my hair out. Then I bit my nails. Then it was alcohol,. Then it was anorexia and bulimia. Then it was alcohol. Then it was weed. Then it was legal highs. It’s always been excessive spending on random shit. Yesterday I bought a Christmas tree and decorations with money I don’t have for next year. It’s also alcohol again. Yet I’m never bad enough for it to be a ‘problem’.",Sparkletail,1,0,21,2020-01-01 01:18:49,alcoholicsanonymous,"I’ve spent years on the edge, taking tests, wondering, trying to figure out whether I’m an alcoholic or an alcohol abuser. I tick half the boxes but it never seems enough to tip me over, to acknowledge that I have a genuine problem. I don’t drink before 10am, I don’t drink every day but yet every time I try to stop drinking, even to have a break, I can’t. There’s always a bad day, a good day, a weak day, something that breaks my willpower. I’ve always had addictive tendencies, it was once ocd, I counted steps and pulled my hair out. Then I bit my nails. Then it was alcohol,. Then it was anorexia and bulimia. Then it was alcohol. Then it was weed. Then it was legal highs. It’s always been excessive spending on random shit. Yesterday I bought a Christmas tree and decorations with money I don’t have for next year. It’s also alcohol again. Yet I’m never bad enough for it to be a ‘problem’.",2,0,0,,,How did X make you feel?,drinking,What do you need help with now that X?,you have addictive tendencies,,True,200 eiyl8b,Referral delay,0,help-seeking,2,"I (27f UK) switched GPs a few months ago when I moved house but I’ve just had to phone my old GP to ask where they sent my referral and after going back and forth with them and Maudsley, I’ve now discovered that my referral was not sent properly and I’ve been waiting over a year for literally nothing. I phoned them back in the summer but I was assured that it had been sent and I just had to wait for a letter. I’m so annoyed at myself that I haven’t chased this up sooner as the Maudsley clinic have just said it could take up to 18 months for the referral to go through. I’m struggling so badly with impulsive spending, on probation at my job because I’ve been so disorganised with project work and relationships with my friends/family are suffering too. Sorry for the long essay, I’m just at a loss as to what to do because I can’t keep going like this for another 18 months. TLDR: referral wasn’t sent, wtf do I do?",ashfjdks2020,1,0,0,2020-01-02 14:02:50,ADHD,"I (27f UK) switched GPs a few months ago when I moved house but I’ve just had to phone my old GP to ask where they sent my referral and after going back and forth with them and Maudsley, I’ve now discovered that my referral was not sent properly and I’ve been waiting over a year for literally nothing. I phoned them back in the summer but I was assured that it had been sent and I just had to wait for a letter. I’m so annoyed at myself that I haven’t chased this up sooner as the Maudsley clinic have just said it could take up to 18 months for the referral to go through. I’m struggling so badly with impulsive spending, on probation at my job because I’ve been so disorganised with project work and relationships with my friends/family are suffering too. Sorry for the long essay, I’m just at a loss as to what to do because I can’t keep going like this for another 18 months. TLDR: referral wasn’t sent, wtf do I do?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 epk969,Just For Today 1/16/20,0,chitchat,1,"Just for today:  In NA, I am among friends.  I will reach out to others, giving and receiving in fellowship.",Tbrock0420,1,0,10,2020-01-16 14:46:41,OpiatesRecovery,"Just for today:  In NA, I am among friends.  I will reach out to others, giving and receiving in fellowship.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eik4g6,Keeping Organized/ following a schedule.,1a,survey,2,"Dear fellow ADHDers, How do you do it? I make all sorts of schedules only to forget I ever made one. I print them out meaning to put them on the wall, only to lose them. I stick them on the wall only to realize 3 weeks later its there and I haven't done anything about it. Finally, I start following a schedule only to realize that lets say, today I can get off work much early. So I do and end up coming home early only to find myself distracted with something I never intended to even pay attention to and I would end up losing the entire afternoon/day like that. How do you know when discipline is needed and when self-love would do the trick? Can anyone recommend a book/app/any suggestions? Thank You and have great new year!",ThatSmartGuyOnReddit,1,0,1,2020-01-01 16:27:17,ADHD,"Dear fellow ADHDers, How do you do it? I make all sorts of schedules only to forget I ever made one. I print them out meaning to put them on the wall, only to lose them. I stick them on the wall only to realize 3 weeks later its there and I haven't done anything about it. Finally, I start following a schedule only to realize that lets say, today I can get off work much early. So I do and end up coming home early only to find myself distracted with something I never intended to even pay attention to and I would end up losing the entire afternoon/day like that. How do you know when discipline is needed and when self-love would do the trick? Can anyone recommend a book/app/any suggestions? Thank You and have great new year!",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,forgetting your schedules,,,,True,202 esjvjs,Interested if anyone else feels the same way when they get angry and how they best control themselves in the moment.,1a,help-seeking,2," For about a year now, I've been getting really angry and also very irritable. When getting angry, I depersonalize and tend to loose touch with reality. I feel as if someone else is controlling my body in some way. Everything I do and say, I feel like i'm high in a sense. I'll then go on to do and say things I'll later regret and then forget most of what happened. I've also been feeling the need to hurt someone when not only getting angry but also getting bothered by the most little things. There's days I can go without feeling irritable and then there are other days where I just want to literally rip someones head off. I'm not comfortable with myself having these kinds of feelings. I don't ever have bad intentions, but again I feel like I can never control myself. My biggest fear about this is that in the future I'll ruin any potential friendships, relationships, and even have my family member's not trust me or even not want to be around me.",Daneralus,1,0,1,2020-01-22 23:04:19,Anger,"Interested if anyone else feels the same way when they get angry and how they best control themselves in the moment. For about a year now, I've been getting really angry and also very irritable. When getting angry, I depersonalize and tend to loose touch with reality. I feel as if someone else is controlling my body in some way. Everything I do and say, I feel like i'm high in a sense. I'll then go on to do and say things I'll later regret and then forget most of what happened. I've also been feeling the need to hurt someone when not only getting angry but also getting bothered by the most little things. There's days I can go without feeling irritable and then there are other days where I just want to literally rip someones head off. I'm not comfortable with myself having these kinds of feelings. I don't ever have bad intentions, but again I feel like I can never control myself. My biggest fear about this is that in the future I'll ruin any potential friendships, relationships, and even have my family member's not trust me or even not want to be around me.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eigexm,Fucking happy new years...,1b,rant,2,So I went to a political event for new years cuz I'm a fucking loser. Afterwords I said fuck it. It's new years let's start the year off good. So I went to a club close by. Had a couple drinks and thought hey I'm going to try and talk to a chick tonight at a bar. People do that right??? Sat down drinking and browsing reddit like a fucking loser. Night goes on about an hour later I notice this chick alone at a table. There were jackets on the chairs beside her. She's with someone obviously don't do it says my brain. FUCK IT I chugged my drink ordered another one and walked over.... made the worst small talk I've ever had... she gives me her snapchat....wtf is this I'm an ugly as loser and she isn't rejecting me? Something is off. Brain running through every reason why she is going along with it. About an hour or two later she says she has to go meet her friend for a party... fucking downer but I got her snapchat so...maybe we in? Drinking talking to some random guy who approached me. I see this goth chick alone. Fuck it why not let's see if I can recreate this magic. I order a drink to get ready. Turn around she is gone. Wander around trying to find her. Wind up running into the first chick again. We talk a bit find out her friend ditched her. We play pool and dance for the next 6 hours. She asks me if I will be her new years kiss. Fucking sure? Pretty mediocre kiss but meh it's worth every second. She keeps saying we should go back to her house and drink some more. But by the end of the night she says nah imma just head home alone but not like mean or anything. It's been an hour since then. Fucking hell did I mess this up?? Been thinking of everything I could of done. Imma wait till tomorrow or maybe two days?? To message her. But hey all you fuckers out there that don't put yourself out there. FUCKING DO IT. God I'm glad I did even if I failed in the end. You are all fucking champions. You are all my lovely socially awkward and anxious friends. Just fucking try man/woman. It may just work.,Krabilon,1,0,9,2020-01-01 09:07:23,socialanxiety,So I went to a political event for new years cuz I'm a fucking loser. Afterwords I said fuck it. It's new years let's start the year off good. So I went to a club close by. Had a couple drinks and thought hey I'm going to try and talk to a chick tonight at a bar. People do that right??? Sat down drinking and browsing reddit like a fucking loser. Night goes on about an hour later I notice this chick alone at a table. There were jackets on the chairs beside her. She's with someone obviously don't do it says my brain. FUCK IT I chugged my drink ordered another one and walked over.... made the worst small talk I've ever had... she gives me her snapchat....wtf is this I'm an ugly as loser and she isn't rejecting me? Something is off. Brain running through every reason why she is going along with it. About an hour or two later she says she has to go meet her friend for a party... fucking downer but I got her snapchat so...maybe we in? Drinking talking to some random guy who approached me. I see this goth chick alone. Fuck it why not let's see if I can recreate this magic. I order a drink to get ready. Turn around she is gone. Wander around trying to find her. Wind up running into the first chick again. We talk a bit find out her friend ditched her. We play pool and dance for the next 6 hours. She asks me if I will be her new years kiss. Fucking sure? Pretty mediocre kiss but meh it's worth every second. She keeps saying we should go back to her house and drink some more. But by the end of the night she says nah imma just head home alone but not like mean or anything. It's been an hour since then. Fucking hell did I mess this up?? Been thinking of everything I could of done. Imma wait till tomorrow or maybe two days?? To message her. But hey all you fuckers out there that don't put yourself out there. FUCKING DO IT. God I'm glad I did even if I failed in the end. You are all fucking champions. You are all my lovely socially awkward and anxious friends. Just fucking try man/woman. It may just work.,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 eiicsc,Very social year.,0,chitchat,4,,larax26,1,0,2,2020-01-01 13:31:03,socialanxiety,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 erwnji,Failure,1b,rant,2,"Hi, I'm the eldest in my family and I'm an introvert. I feel that I always fail in taking responsibility and failing in helping my siblings whenever they both fight. In situations where they fought over little things, I try to ignore them and not to get into their fight and I'm trying my best to stop and getting between them. But when I'm trying to butt in, my other sibling who always starts the fight and claiming that she's the one who's always experiencing maltreatment and all talk tried to say such things to me resulting for me to shout on her and ending up useless as an eldest because I can't even help them stop fights and comfort them. I admit that I suck at communication and also owning up my own problems inside the house but my sibling is always claiming that she's the one in the edge even tho she doesn't work around the house. I'm trying, I wanted to help them but I'm such a weak ass eldest in the family. It's hard because the pressures and expectations are always putted in me and I'm also tired. Now my problematic sibling is also my responsibility but I don't even know what I must do. She always see us as her own enemy and always thought that we are not helping her. She can't even stop when my parents are stopping her and now she's all talk about everything as if we are worthless to her.",Duanerys18,1,0,0,2020-01-21 16:07:19,selfhelp,"Hi, I'm the eldest in my family and I'm an introvert. I feel that I always fail in taking responsibility and failing in helping my siblings whenever they both fight. In situations where they fought over little things, I try to ignore them and not to get into their fight and I'm trying my best to stop and getting between them. But when I'm trying to butt in, my other sibling who always starts the fight and claiming that she's the one who's always experiencing maltreatment and all talk tried to say such things to me resulting for me to shout on her and ending up useless as an eldest because I can't even help them stop fights and comfort them. I admit that I suck at communication and also owning up my own problems inside the house but my sibling is always claiming that she's the one in the edge even tho she doesn't work around the house. I'm trying, I wanted to help them but I'm such a weak ass eldest in the family. It's hard because the pressures and expectations are always putted in me and I'm also tired. Now my problematic sibling is also my responsibility but I don't even know what I must do. She always see us as her own enemy and always thought that we are not helping her. She can't even stop when my parents are stopping her and now she's all talk about everything as if we are worthless to her.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are facing family pressures and expectations,,True,220 eno47l,"Discussion: recovery &, sobriety",0,survey,2,"I know this is a controversial fopi. So let's try and be respectful to others wktn differing opinions here please? **What do you consider clean/sober? And do you consider yourself that?** **What does recovery mean to you? If you're recovering from your addiction issues, not getting high, but on MAT - can you still be in recovery?** **Share any other thoughts on opinions on this topic!**",chasingd0pamine,1,0,31,2020-01-12 14:33:16,OpiatesRecovery,"I know this is a controversial fopi. So let's try and be respectful to others wktn differing opinions here please? **What do you consider clean/sober? And do you consider yourself that?** **What does recovery mean to you? If you're recovering from your addiction issues, not getting high, but on MAT - can you still be in recovery?** **Share any other thoughts on opinions on this topic!**",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ei9ye2,Healing,1a,rant,1,"Last night into today I felt like I was barley hanging on and my insides wouldn’t stop turning. I felt so mentally ill that I became physically ill. Finally, I put the anger aside because I realized it wasn’t going to help me, but keep me from healing. So I apologized and forgave for myself and because I truly felt bad. After, I felt calm and I am still scared and unhappy but I no longer feel like I’m gonna puke and I’m no longer searching for something to hold onto. I am going to get better and I’m not going to drag anyone into my life during this process. I’m not going to depend on anyone just to be let down. It’s just going to be me and myself. I even did some running today and then some yoga and my body feels great and my mind feels clearer. Even if this feeling is temporary, I am grateful for it.",peee-poopy-pee-head,1,0,0,2019-12-31 22:35:49,depression,"Last night into today I felt like I was barley hanging on and my insides wouldn’t stop turning. I felt so mentally ill that I became physically ill. Finally, I put the anger aside because I realized it wasn’t going to help me, but keep me from healing. So I apologized and forgave for myself and because I truly felt bad. After, I felt calm and I am still scared and unhappy but I no longer feel like I’m gonna puke and I’m no longer searching for something to hold onto. I am going to get better and I’m not going to drag anyone into my life during this process. I’m not going to depend on anyone just to be let down. It’s just going to be me and myself. I even did some running today and then some yoga and my body feels great and my mind feels clearer. Even if this feeling is temporary, I am grateful for it.",0,2,2,What made you feel X ?,so mentally ill,,,,,,True,022 ejckg9,I cut to fat and have been too scared to cut since,1a,rant,2,"Probably a blessing in disguise but I'm utterly terrified of cutting again and accidentally cutting deep to fatty tissue. I don't think I'll be cutting again, not anytime soon at least, I threw my blades away the day after. It's a bitch to deal with, I didn't go and get stitches although it probably needed it so I'm trying to keep it as clean as possible to avoid infection, but changing dressings and cleaning it is such a pain. I also feel so ashamed because the scar is going to be very visible and I do not want anyone to see it because it makes me feel like I'm so much more fucked up than when I was cutting to styro. But I was also pretty proud of going that deep when it happened and my first thought was ""do it again"" but immediately afterwards I was just scared and a bit disgusted (seeing fatty tissue is pretty gross and shocking). Since my thoughts of selfharm have pretty much disappeared thoughts of suicide have intensified, cutting or burning used to dull those thoughts but since I havent selfharmed in a few days I'm getting more and more suicidal. Worried I might act on it. I think I'm only really sharing this because I needed to tell someone, to vent a bit.",deathcomeatme,23,0,10,2020-01-03 08:19:35,selfharm,"I cut to fat and have been too scared to cut Probably a blessing in disguise but I'm utterly terrified of cutting again and accidentally cutting deep to fatty tissue. I don't think I'll be cutting again, not anytime soon at least, I threw my blades away the day after. It's a bitch to deal with, I didn't go and get stitches although it probably needed it so I'm trying to keep it as clean as possible to avoid infection, but changing dressings and cleaning it is such a pain. I also feel so ashamed because the scar is going to be very visible and I do not want anyone to see it because it makes me feel like I'm so much more fucked up than when I was cutting to styro. But I was also pretty proud of going that deep when it happened and my first thought was ""do it again"" but immediately afterwards I was just scared and a bit disgusted (seeing fatty tissue is pretty gross and shocking). Since my thoughts of selfharm have pretty much disappeared thoughts of suicide have intensified, cutting or burning used to dull those thoughts but since I havent selfharmed in a few days I'm getting more and more suicidal. Worried I might act on it. I think I'm only really sharing this because I needed to tell someone, to vent a bit.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 emnnu4,Best pill dispenser for addicts,0,help-seeking,1,"I have a condition that requires me to take stimulants and benzos, and I am also a pill addict and can’t stop taking more than the required dose. Does anyone know the best pill dispensers that will only allow me to take what I need when I need it? I need to take medicine four times a day.",hashtageverythingsux,1,0,5,2020-01-10 07:30:05,addiction,"I have a condition that requires me to take stimulants and benzos, and I am also a pill addict and can’t stop taking more than the required dose. Does anyone know the best pill dispensers that will only allow me to take what I need when I need it? I need to take medicine four times a day.",2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,taking pills,,,,True,202 eke3s9,I have had this thought. And want to know if anyone else feels it as well. I hope im not repeating.,0,survey,2,"Just some background, im a 16yr old guy. And with such little life experience I wanted to know if this is just a young person thing or not. When you go through old forums and see posts that are like 5 years plus it makes me feel disconnected and sad. I feel like they are the posts of people who have drastically changed and that this footprint is just a husk of who that person is. Especially when I am on said forums, and i look for highschool advice. An example is just today. I have my winter break concluding so i wanted to see if people share the same dread, i go on a forum and see people who posted 10 years ago about how they felt. Its just like thats a whole decade, i got to see how teens of their generation talked to eachother. Its cool in all, but it leaves me with no resoulution. I wanna know how these people are doing now, how their life is. Im am left with no conclusion. I want to stop time and see what it was like back then. But i am still left at no conclusion. Anywho back to the original question of the post. Does anyone get this sad feeling when looking at old forms?",Synenergy14,1,0,0,2020-01-05 15:08:05,sad,"Just some background, im a 16yr old guy. And with such little life experience I wanted to know if this is just a young person thing or not. When you go through old forums and see posts that are like 5 years plus it makes me feel disconnected and sad. I feel like they are the posts of people who have drastically changed and that this footprint is just a husk of who that person is. Especially when I am on said forums, and i look for highschool advice. An example is just today. I have my winter break concluding so i wanted to see if people share the same dread, i go on a forum and see people who posted 10 years ago about how they felt. Its just like thats a whole decade, i got to see how teens of their generation talked to eachother. Its cool in all, but it leaves me with no resoulution. I wanna know how these people are doing now, how their life is. Im am left with no conclusion. I want to stop time and see what it was like back then. But i am still left at no conclusion. Anywho back to the original question of the post. Does anyone get this sad feeling when looking at old forms?",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eiqb6w,Why can’t I just do something so simple... (any tips?),1a,help-seeking,2,"TLDR: ( I cant do things I want and it’s a vicious cycle that leaves me frustrated, why is it that the simplest things are often the hardest to do. so is there any tips I can use?) I get so frustrated when I want to do some thing so bad but like I just can’t for some reason and there’s nothing stopping me but myself. It’s so emotionally draining to always feel like I’m doing a quarter of what I’m capable of and I think it’s the worst part of adhd because it’s affects so much things that most people wouldn’t think twice about. For example I love photography and it’s my escape from reality when I’m taking pictures and I can do it for hours without realizing and think only 5 minutes went by (I frustrate whoever is with me usually because it’s like I have no sense of time haha) Now the frustrating part for me is actually looking thorough photos and even worse is editing them. So I will sit at my desk and then get up and do who’s knows what for hours and come back get mad I didn’t even turn on my computer, like I just have to move my finger a couple inches away and press the power, but nooooo I can’t do that and it’s so frustrating. it makes no sense that I can’t just press a button especially since I want to, however there’s something in me that just holds me back I don’t know how to explain it. So yeah idk I probably made no sense but I decided if I’m not looking at photos might as well see if anyone else can relate to this and not feel so crazy. Tips are appreciated P.s If you actually read this I commend you cuz it was a struggle to read what I even wrote haha. So have a great day :)",bootzie43,1,0,0,2020-01-02 00:24:24,ADHD,"TLDR: ( I cant do things I want and it’s a vicious cycle that leaves me frustrated. why is it that the simplest things are often the hardest to do. so is there any tips I can use?) I get so frustrated when I want to do some thing so bad but like I just can’t for some reason and there’s nothing stopping me but myself. It’s so emotionally draining to always feel like I’m doing a quarter of what I’m capable of and I think it’s the worst part of adhd because it’s affects so much things that most people wouldn’t think twice about. For example I love photography and it’s my escape from reality when I’m taking pictures and I can do it for hours without realizing and think only 5 minutes went by (I frustrate whoever is with me usually because it’s like I have no sense of time haha) Now the frustrating part for me is actually looking thorough photos and even worse is editing them. So I will sit at my desk and then get up and do who’s knows what for hours and come back get mad I didn’t even turn on my computer, like I just have to move my finger a couple inches away and press the power, but nooooo I can’t do that and it’s so frustrating. it makes no sense that I can’t just press a button especially since I want to, however there’s something in me that just holds me back I don’t know how to explain it. So yeah idk I probably made no sense but I decided if I’m not looking at photos might as well see if anyone else can relate to this and not feel so crazy. Tips are appreciated P.s If you actually read this I commend you cuz it was a struggle to read what I even wrote haha. So have a great day :)",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 em2276,Does anyone else cry before psychotherapy?,1a,survey,1,"This is my second session. Once I started getting ready to go I physically felt so much distress, emotional. And a lot of anxiety. I started to cry in my car, uncontrollably. Am I the only one, is this normal?",mariaj97,1,0,10,2020-01-09 00:57:56,mentalillness,"Does anyone else cry before psychotherapy? This is my second session. Once I started getting ready to go I physically felt so much distress, emotional. And a lot of anxiety. I started to cry in my car, uncontrollably. Am I the only one, is this normal?",1,2,1,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what pyschotherapy you are taking,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you deal with anxiety after therapy,,True,121 fdglbb,"[LONG] PLEASE HELP ME! I'm an intelligent, high iq, depressed, self-loathing, failure of high school senior. I fucking hate my life because I've wasted everything and some times I feel like dying.",1a,help-seeking,3,"I am making this very long rant because there are no people quite like me, and I don't know anyone to talk to who could help me. I am visiting a therapist but I don't know if she's too useful. I am looking for advice for my situation. My mother is too different to truly understand my deepest pains, but my father is too strict and I fear he doesn't quite understand me. I am 17-year old high school senior at a suburb in Ontario. My IQ ranges from early to mid 130s, I am intelligent, very creative and love to learn. My hobbies include gaming, role-playing, philosophizing, researching, reading, wasting away my life on the internet browsing nothing, and procrastinating. I love the advanced theories of math and physics. I'm a great writer, an amateur programmer and student. I'm an INTJ, according to the Myer Briggs, which has helped me understand myself and other people. I'm exceptionally intuitive, abstract and observant of the most important details around me. I envision my future as a Nobel prize winning physicist and an author of a book that rivals the likes of Dostoevsky, Tolstoy, and Hemingway. I need to change the world at large, I need to know my life was not wasted for nothing. My greatest fear is perishing without leaving my mark on this world and achieving anything. The problem is I'm, objectively and subjectively, a complete failure. I've been stuck in a cycle of hatred, regret, and depression for the past 4 years. I hate myself and the people around me. I was planning to go into university for a bachelors in physics and a major in computer science, later going for a master's and a PhD. I need low 80s get in for undergrad, but I have low-mid 70s because I am a failure. I never studied for a test beyond the last day or minute. I've always earned 75s % and I've never been happy about it. I never paid attention in class because the teachers are idiots who have no idea how to teach. I know I can learn so much better, faster, and simpler if I skipped class and read from the textbook. My processing speed is not so fast, but I learn in much greater depth than most of humanity. My hatred of school and my inability to study instilled a pathetic, slovenly work ethic that barely exists now. I know that I have the potential to get excellent grades, but I just can't do it. I hate my life. I'm a perfectionist, I used to obsess over projects of mine and spend hours and hours on them, delaying sleep or basic needs just so I can complete them. Now, I'm just deathly afraid of failure. I'm very pessimistic and score high on neuroticism in the Big Five, always noticing flaws first and foremost before the positives. But I can't even properly use this characteristic, I'm just noticing the flaws with everything, including myself, without acting on it. I feel like I'm wasting my potential. With every year that passes, a human's potential decreases - their mind will no longer be as sharp or as powerful, and they have less years to accomplish what they want. That's the truth. Compared to my father, he went to the most prestigious university in his homeland into the sciences. He had the highest grades in each of his classes, he was number one in each of them. I want to be better than every other person in my class, or even my school, or even the majority of humanity. I have superior intellect, but I desire superior grades, superior work ethic, superior empathy, superior wisdom, superior legacy. I HATE knowing that I am stagnant while others are getting ahead. I HATE IT!!! ABSOLUTELY HATE IT!!! I HATE BEING LEFT BEHIND LIKE WORTHLESS SCUM!!!! I developed Nihilism as a consequence, a pessimistic if somewhat realistic perspective to this wretched world. But I want to shape reality with my will, I want to derive purpose out of this existence and stand as an example of a GREAT human for generations. But in reality, I'm a useless PIECE OF SHIT. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm taking 12 Calculus and Vectors, which is pitifully easy, and yet I have 40% in it because I have never studied a day in my life for it. I have this godawful coop position where I program shitty little projects and spend hours formatting them for readability because it's for kids or whatever nonsense. The course I kind of like is my AP Computer Science. Fuck, I even have low 70s in my Physics AP class from my last semester because I didn't study anything. So much for my fucking goals. FUCK!!!!!! I'VE DONE NOTHING THIS PAST YEARS!!! I feel like I've been drifting away in a dream, coasting through rivers of sadness, ignoring the lands of opportunity, while flushing the contents of my mind down the toilet. I am a victim of circumstance, unable to be in control of my life. It is this that I detest the most. I don't even have the energy to outlet my most creative ideas. I just let them die within me. I'm competitive but I've lost the energy to be so again. Every day has just been me suffering through classes listening to terrible teachers teach rote memorization. Then I come home exhausted, too tired to work, so I just sit there and do jack shit. I browse forums, walk around and think, or play video games. I seek addiction, escapism, to run away from reality. I'm a natural night owl and when evening comes, I receive this massive boost to my creative energies and I feel, for the only times in my life, actually alive. But my parents force to go to sleep, so I just go late at 1 AM and sleep until it's barely 20 minutes before class starts. I've just digressed this whole fucking rant. Maybe I could take a few online courses and complete them in a few weeks. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to go into university with my shit grades and shit work ethic and shit life but I have to to accomplish what I want. I will fail for life if I don't go to uni now. I will be nothing. I signed up for a math contest and a science fair but I don't know if this will help in the first place or if I can actually complete them. I can't even do basic shit anymore. I'm wasting my parents money and time. I suffered from health issues and was hospitalized for two weeks two years ago with a chronic disease in my gut, and my father spends so much time trying to cure me. Just this morning I wasted medicine he spent over a hundred dollars on by leaving them out and forgetting to keep them in the refrigerator, killing the bacteria. I'm such a fucking IDIOT. Complete retarded MORON. I hate this world and I hate its cruelty. Humans are naturally egotistical and selfish and ignorant. I read through history because I really enjoy it but to just witness the countless evils of humanity is unbearable. The majority of humanity are incapable of advanced empathy and critical thinking, they are sheep, a hive mind. Sheep born carnivorous yet consume petty grasses. I appear confident to others but actively avoid most people because they're unbearable. I seek peace and pleasure only in reclusivity, away from others. Sometimes I feel like giving up. Sometimes I fantasize about cutting deep into my arm with a knife at night, and just letting myself bleed to death as I think over what my life could have been. I'm not afraid of death, but I'm afraid of my death meaning nothing. I embrace death, in a way, knowing that nonexistence is so transcendental that I will never feel anything again. But I'm insufferably arrogant to leave the material realm so suddenly, and leave the two people who care about me the most in suffering. And to waste my potential, sounds somehow immoral. I feel like a waste, a decomposing bag of empty flesh, depressingly dragging itself into a dark, empty hole, forgotten to time. I feel like a modern day Raskolnikov. Like him, I've even developed grand theories of superiority in an attempt to cope with my failures. Please help me. I feel like my intelligence and all my traits are a curse. Please tell me exactly what to do and how. I want to know how to get into university. I want to know how I can achieve what I want and how to get over this depression. Thank you.",IQisaCurse,1,0,5,2020-03-04 17:40:37,getting_over_it,"I am making this very long rant because there are no people quite like me, and I don't know anyone to talk to who could help me. I am visiting a therapist but I don't know if she's too useful. I am looking for advice for my situation. My mother is too different to truly understand my deepest pains, but my father is too strict and I fear he doesn't quite understand me. I am 17-year old high school senior at a suburb in Ontario. My IQ ranges from early to mid 130s, I am intelligent, very creative and love to learn. My hobbies include gaming, role-playing, philosophizing, researching, reading, wasting away my life on the internet browsing nothing, and procrastinating. I love the advanced theories of math and physics. I'm a great writer, an amateur programmer and student. I'm an INTJ, according to the Myer Briggs, which has helped me understand myself and other people. I'm exceptionally intuitive, abstract and observant of the most important details around me. I envision my future as a Nobel prize winning physicist and an author of a book that rivals the likes of Dostoevsky, Tolstoy, and Hemingway. I need to change the world at large, I need to know my life was not wasted for nothing. My greatest fear is perishing without leaving my mark on this world and achieving anything. The problem is I'm, objectively and subjectively, a complete failure. I've been stuck in a cycle of hatred, regret, and depression for the past 4 years. I hate myself and the people around me. I was planning to go into university for a bachelors in physics and a major in computer science, later going for a master's and a PhD. I need low 80s get in for undergrad, but I have low-mid 70s because I am a failure. I never studied for a test beyond the last day or minute. I've always earned 75s % and I've never been happy about it. I never paid attention in class because the teachers are idiots who have no idea how to teach. I know I can learn so much better, faster, and simpler if I skipped class and read from the textbook. My processing speed is not so fast, but I learn in much greater depth than most of humanity. My hatred of school and my inability to study instilled a pathetic, slovenly work ethic that barely exists now. I know that I have the potential to get excellent grades, but I just can't do it. I hate my life. I'm a perfectionist, I used to obsess over projects of mine and spend hours and hours on them, delaying sleep or basic needs just so I can complete them. Now, I'm just deathly afraid of failure. I'm very pessimistic and score high on neuroticism in the Big Five, always noticing flaws first and foremost before the positives. But I can't even properly use this characteristic, I'm just noticing the flaws with everything, including myself, without acting on it. I feel like I'm wasting my potential. With every year that passes, a human's potential decreases - their mind will no longer be as sharp or as powerful, and they have less years to accomplish what they want. That's the truth. Compared to my father, he went to the most prestigious university in his homeland into the sciences. He had the highest grades in each of his classes, he was number one in each of them. I want to be better than every other person in my class, or even my school, or even the majority of humanity. I have superior intellect, but I desire superior grades, superior work ethic, superior empathy, superior wisdom, superior legacy. I HATE knowing that I am stagnant while others are getting ahead. I HATE IT!!! ABSOLUTELY HATE IT!!! I HATE BEING LEFT BEHIND LIKE WORTHLESS SCUM!!!! I developed Nihilism as a consequence, a pessimistic if somewhat realistic perspective to this wretched world. But I want to shape reality with my will, I want to derive purpose out of this existence and stand as an example of a GREAT human for generations. But in reality, I'm a useless PIECE OF SHIT. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm taking 12 Calculus and Vectors, which is pitifully easy, and yet I have 40% in it because I have never studied a day in my life for it. I have this godawful coop position where I program shitty little projects and spend hours formatting them for readability because it's for kids or whatever nonsense. The course I kind of like is my AP Computer Science. Fuck, I even have low 70s in my Physics AP class from my last semester because I didn't study anything. So much for my fucking goals. FUCK!!!!!! I'VE DONE NOTHING THIS PAST YEARS!!! I feel like I've been drifting away in a dream, coasting through rivers of sadness, ignoring the lands of opportunity, while flushing the contents of my mind down the toilet. I am a victim of circumstance, unable to be in control of my life. It is this that I detest the most. I don't even have the energy to outlet my most creative ideas. I just let them die within me. I'm competitive but I've lost the energy to be so again. Every day has just been me suffering through classes listening to terrible teachers teach rote memorization. Then I come home exhausted, too tired to work, so I just sit there and do jack shit. I browse forums, walk around and think, or play video games. I seek addiction, escapism, to run away from reality. I'm a natural night owl and when evening comes, I receive this massive boost to my creative energies and I feel, for the only times in my life, actually alive. But my parents force to go to sleep, so I just go late at 1 AM and sleep until it's barely 20 minutes before class starts. I've just digressed this whole fucking rant. Maybe I could take a few online courses and complete them in a few weeks. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to go into university with my shit grades and shit work ethic and shit life but I have to to accomplish what I want. I will fail for life if I don't go to uni now. I will be nothing. I signed up for a math contest and a science fair but I don't know if this will help in the first place or if I can actually complete them. I can't even do basic shit anymore. I'm wasting my parents money and time. I suffered from health issues and was hospitalized for two weeks two years ago with a chronic disease in my gut, and my father spends so much time trying to cure me. Just this morning I wasted medicine he spent over a hundred dollars on by leaving them out and forgetting to keep them in the refrigerator, killing the bacteria. I'm such a fucking IDIOT. Complete retarded MORON. I hate this world and I hate its cruelty. Humans are naturally egotistical and selfish and ignorant. I read through history because I really enjoy it but to just witness the countless evils of humanity is unbearable. The majority of humanity are incapable of advanced empathy and critical thinking, they are sheep, a hive mind. Sheep born carnivorous yet consume petty grasses. I appear confident to others but actively avoid most people because they're unbearable. I seek peace and pleasure only in reclusivity, away from others. Sometimes I feel like giving up. Sometimes I fantasize about cutting deep into my arm with a knife at night, and just letting myself bleed to death as I think over what my life could have been. I'm not afraid of death, but I'm afraid of my death meaning nothing. I embrace death, in a way, knowing that nonexistence is so transcendental that I will never feel anything again. But I'm insufferably arrogant to leave the material realm so suddenly, and leave the two people who care about me the most in suffering. And to waste my potential, sounds somehow immoral. I feel like a waste, a decomposing bag of empty flesh, depressingly dragging itself into a dark, empty hole, forgotten to time. I feel like a modern day Raskolnikov. Like him, I've even developed grand theories of superiority in an attempt to cope with my failures. Please help me. I feel like my intelligence and all my traits are a curse. Please tell me exactly what to do and how. I want to know how to get into university. I want to know how I can achieve what I want and how to get over this depression. Thank you.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 en1p5v,my mom knows my brother molested me when i was a child and has never mentioned it since.,1b,rant,2,"when i was younger (honestly i don't even remember the age because i've blocked a lot of it out) my brother would sneak into my room at night and sexually touch me and force me to touch him as well. i was so young i didn't even know it was wrong to be doing these things and i learned years later when i learned what sex was from friends. when i was 16 my mom found out i was having sex with my boyfriend and she called me a whore for losing my virginity and i went off telling her i lost my virginity years ago when her son forced himself on me. she said she would ask him if it were true and has never said anything since. the next week he cornered me almost forcing himself on me again but i was strong enough to get away because he was drunk and yelling at me why i told our mom and that she would never believe me. 5 years later i don't see my brother much because he moved to Chicago but holidays are hard because he stays at our house and i don't sleep because of anxiety and fear of him coming into my room. my mom still hasn't said a single THING about this and talks to me about my brother like nothing ever happened. this is the first time i ever even write this story down, let alone share it with others. sorry for the long post, thank you for reading.",headass1445,1,0,4,2020-01-11 02:51:35,rapecounseling,"when i was younger (honestly i don't even remember the age because i've blocked a lot of it out) my brother would sneak into my room at night and sexually touch me and force me to touch him as well. i was so young i didn't even know it was wrong to be doing these things and i learned years later when i learned what sex was from friends. when i was 16 my mom found out i was having sex with my boyfriend and she called me a whore for losing my virginity and i went off telling her i lost my virginity years ago when her son forced himself on me. she said she would ask him if it were true and has never said anything since. the next week he cornered me almost forcing himself on me again but i was strong enough to get away because he was drunk and yelling at me why i told our mom and that she would never believe me. 5 years later i don't see my brother much because he moved to Chicago but holidays are hard because he stays at our house and i don't sleep because of anxiety and fear of him coming into my room. my mom still hasn't said a single THING about this and talks to me about my brother like nothing ever happened. this is the first time i ever even write this story down, let alone share it with others. sorry for the long post, thank you for reading.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel afraid of your brother,,True,220 eiqs1x,Does anyone have some tips on dealing with the appetite suppressant of Vyvanse?,0,help-seeking,1,"Im a very active teen but sometimes I will eat less than 500 calories a day (weekends) and my doctor says it might be affecting my growth. I tried to switch to focalin, witch helped a little bit with my appetite, but didn’t seem affective enough, so I switched back for now.",CrispyTowelette,1,0,1,2020-01-02 01:01:07,ADHD,"Does anyone have some tips on dealing with the appetite suppressant of Vyvanse? Im a very active teen but sometimes I will eat less than 500 calories a day (weekends) and my doctor says it might be affecting my growth. I tried to switch to focalin, witch helped a little bit with my appetite, but didn’t seem affective enough, so I switched back for now.",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,the loss of appetite,,,,True,202 etq6op,How to become a social butterfly?,1a,help-seeking,2,"When I was a child I was pretty happy, sociable kid. Then I got bullied and it lead to my alienation and claming up. When I was older, about 14, the bulling got worse and so did my alienation. I didn't speak to other people much, I didnt take part in things, I didnt have friends. I thought it would get better, later I met a girl, it looked like we hit off. But after a while, she ghosted me. I wrote one message, then second one, then third and then fourth, nothing. Bonus points that we go to the same school and see each other every day for the next 4 years. Now she found new boyfriend, and here I am doing nothing with my life, having no friends. While she has fun, meets new people, she is not afraid of being herself and doing things she wants to. I am quite the opposite, I fear judgment, I dont have many friends, I am afraid of meeting new people etc. The story with her was way longer and I didn't include many things in here, but it truly destroyed me, I have never felt so bad in my entire life. That lead me to wanting to change myself, I was always anxious about my skinny body, I am hitting the gym, eating healthy. I want to become the man that people are drawn towards, that has many friends, he chooses his friends and not they him. I want to finally take parts in things, have fun. I want people to be interested in me and invite me to events. I want people to depend on me and not me on them. I want to become a leader. You could say that the events lead me to wanting... power? I don't know if its a bad thing or good but I know I want to stop being the doormat I was before that people can discard whenever they want to. Do you have any advices for somebody like me, any books, tips on how to change myself?",BlackHooch,1,0,7,2020-01-25 12:26:05,selfhelp,"When I was a child I was pretty happy, sociable kid. Then I got bullied and it lead to my alienation and claming up. When I was older, about 14, the bulling got worse and so did my alienation. I didn't speak to other people much, I didnt take part in things, I didnt have friends. I thought it would get better, later I met a girl, it looked like we hit off. But after a while, she ghosted me. I wrote one message, then second one, then third and then fourth, nothing. Bonus points that we go to the same school and see each other every day for the next 4 years. Now she found new boyfriend, and here I am doing nothing with my life, having no friends. While she has fun, meets new people, she is not afraid of being herself and doing things she wants to. I am quite the opposite, I fear judgment, I dont have many friends, I am afraid of meeting new people etc. The story with her was way longer and I didn't include many things in here, but it truly destroyed me, I have never felt so bad in my entire life. That lead me to wanting to change myself, I was always anxious about my skinny body, I am hitting the gym, eating healthy. I want to become the man that people are drawn towards, that has many friends, he chooses his friends and not they him. I want to finally take parts in things, have fun. I want people to be interested in me and invite me to events. I want people to depend on me and not me on them. I want to become a leader. You could say that the events lead me to wanting... power? I don't know if its a bad thing or good but I know I want to stop being the doormat I was before that people can discard whenever they want to. Do you have any advices for somebody like me, any books, tips on how to change myself?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eiwbfj,maybe,1b,rant,1,"if i do barf bc of the aspirin at least i won’t have to do stuff with my mom tomorrow, she pushed me into a wall my my hair and called me a worthless fag a couple days ago so i mean it wouldn’t be the worst, but i wouldn’t get to eat good food and go to the movies,,, hmmmmm here’s my conclusion: i’m a fucking idiot and i wanna die (not gonna tho i’m also to fkn pusssyyyyy and tirrreedddddd :))",saddolls,1,0,2,2020-01-02 09:50:52,sad,"if i do barf bc of the aspirin at least i won’t have to do stuff with my mom tomorrow, she pushed me into a wall my my hair and called me a worthless fag a couple days ago so i mean it wouldn’t be the worst, but i wouldn’t get to eat good food and go to the movies,,, hmmmmm. here’s my conclusion: i’m a fucking idiot and i wanna die (not gonna tho i’m also to fkn pusssyyyyy and tirrreedddddd :))",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel tired of your mom's actions,,True,220 eo1iqz,I am struggling to see the light in days and feel like there's not much left for me here anymore,1a,rant,2,"I'll try to keep this short. I am currently waiting to be treated for complex PTSD. On top of that, I am struggling with heavy anxiety, depression, and starting to feel suicidal. I'm also starting to feel like I'm an alcoholic, and I really try to keep my drinking habits in check. I have horrible sleeping issues. I can't fall asleep without heavy sleeping pills, but they're starting to lose their effect. I have to take more than I used to, and even then there's still a chance of me not being able to sleep. Because of this, I am terrified to go to bed. 2 am truly is the loneliest hour. I have anxiety attacks, cry my eyes out, turn completely hysterical and just want it to stop. If I'm lucky, I have my intake for treatment within 13 weeks. I've been waiting for treatment for 3 months already, and I have four more months to go. But it's getting out of control. If I'm lucky, I sleep four to five hours, and don't get nightmares. Because I'm so terrified to sleep, I can't go on a holiday. Me and my bf booked a four day trip but I am so afraid to go and not be able to sleep that I make myself sick and anxious. There's nothing the doctors can do now anymore, other than send me to another psychologist or prescribe more sleeping pills or anxiety meds. It's taking a huge toll on me, my life, my relationship, and I am just so horribly, utterly lost. Idk what I'm even trying to accomplish here, other than just getting it off my chest I guess",geer-jpeg,1,0,4,2020-01-13 08:38:42,mentalillness,"I'll try to keep this short. I am currently waiting to be treated for complex PTSD. On top of that, I am struggling with heavy anxiety, depression, and starting to feel suicidal. I'm also starting to feel like I'm an alcoholic, and I really try to keep my drinking habits in check. I have horrible sleeping issues. I can't fall asleep without heavy sleeping pills, but they're starting to lose their effect. I have to take more than I used to, and even then there's still a chance of me not being able to sleep. Because of this, I am terrified to go to bed. 2 am truly is the loneliest hour. I have anxiety attacks, cry my eyes out, turn completely hysterical and just want it to stop. If I'm lucky, I have my intake for treatment within 13 weeks. I've been waiting for treatment for 3 months already, and I have four more months to go. But it's getting out of control. If I'm lucky, I sleep four to five hours, and don't get nightmares. Because I'm so terrified to sleep, I can't go on a holiday. Me and my bf booked a four day trip but I am so afraid to go and not be able to sleep that I make myself sick and anxious. There's nothing the doctors can do now anymore, other than send me to another psychologist or prescribe more sleeping pills or anxiety meds. It's taking a huge toll on me, my life, my relationship, and I am just so horribly, utterly lost. Idk what I'm even trying to accomplish here, other than just getting it off my chest I guess",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,the sleeping issue has worsened ,,True,220 ejbctg,Question,0,help-seeking,1,"I'm going through withdrawal at the moment cold turkey. The main problem for me is lack of sleep and dizziness and extreme fatigue. Should I be eating sugary things or avoiding them? I was admitted to hospital with high blood pressure, but I read sugar increases your BP but I feel awful I wonder if half of it is to do with that? Sorry if this is an inappropriate question",sakaph,2,0,8,2020-01-03 06:12:04,alcoholicsanonymous,"I'm going through withdrawal at the moment cold turkey. The main problem for me is lack of sleep and dizziness and extreme fatigue. Should I be eating sugary things or avoiding them? I was admitted to hospital with high blood pressure, but I read sugar increases your BP but I feel awful I wonder if half of it is to do with that? Sorry if this is an inappropriate question",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ep9hfu,Can being assaulted at a younger age alter sexual behaviors?,1b,help-seeking,2,"I believe I was like sexually assaulted when I was about 16 but my brothers friend who was 22 or 23 at the time. I was super drunk - because they were letting me and my friends drink and encouraging it as well. He would constantly compliment me and one day he grabbed and aggressively kissed me. I kind of froze but didn’t think much of it. Then one night I was super drunk and upset about something that I’d rather not go into a lot of detail about, and he tried comforting me. Before I know if he was forcing my hand on his parts and if I tried stopping he would force it back. If I tried to get up and go to bed he would hold me down and kiss me harder. When I woke up I had horrible hickeys and bruises on my lips because of his aggression. I have felt weird about it ever since but chalked it up to me being stupid and drunk until recently when I processed it. Since then, I’ve behaved inappropriately while drunk and have had issues with moderating my drinking. I’ve been in other blackouts where I either have no or little memory of what happened. One where the guy was kissing me and I was crying and barely awake. I didn’t fully know he kissed me until the next day. Another where a guy was encouraging me to drink more when I was already drunk. I went to bed and he followed. I don’t remember much except making sure he didn’t touch me and him forcing my mouth onto his penis. I complied eventually but if I tried to stop he would hold me down. Both of these last incidences happened while I was in a relationship. I know they’re my fault but fortunately my boyfriend forgave me and it’s been many years. However, I’ve recently realIzed my drinking is an issue as I often blackout- despite not drinking frequently, I don’t have a limit when I do and I get myself in unsafe positions. I’m just curious if my initial experience as a teen could have less to this. I’m not a sexual person sober, I’m actually rather conservative, and never used to be a sexual person when I’d drink. I feel like something is seriously wrong and maybe it’s as simple as me being a bar person.",vitalogy95,1,0,7,2020-01-15 22:18:19,rapecounseling,"I believe I was like sexually assaulted when I was about 16 but my brothers friend who was 22 or 23 at the time. I was super drunk - because they were letting me and my friends drink and encouraging it as well. He would constantly compliment me and one day he grabbed and aggressively kissed me. I kind of froze but didn’t think much of it. Then one night I was super drunk and upset about something that I’d rather not go into a lot of detail about, and he tried comforting me. Before I know if he was forcing my hand on his parts and if I tried stopping he would force it back. If I tried to get up and go to bed he would hold me down and kiss me harder. When I woke up I had horrible hickeys and bruises on my lips because of his aggression. I have felt weird about it ever since but chalked it up to me being stupid and drunk until recently when I processed it. Since then, I’ve behaved inappropriately while drunk and have had issues with moderating my drinking. I’ve been in other blackouts where I either have no or little memory of what happened. One where the guy was kissing me and I was crying and barely awake. I didn’t fully know he kissed me until the next day. Another where a guy was encouraging me to drink more when I was already drunk. I went to bed and he followed. I don’t remember much except making sure he didn’t touch me and him forcing my mouth onto his penis. I complied eventually but if I tried to stop he would hold me down. Both of these last incidences happened while I was in a relationship. I know they’re my fault but fortunately my boyfriend forgave me and it’s been many years. However, I’ve recently realIzed my drinking is an issue as I often blackout- despite not drinking frequently, I don’t have a limit when I do and I get myself in unsafe positions. I’m just curious if my initial experience as a teen could have less to this. I’m not a sexual person sober, I’m actually rather conservative, and never used to be a sexual person when I’d drink. I feel like something is seriously wrong and maybe it’s as simple as me being a bar person.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eiaeq0,To everyone sad they are alone tonight...,0,chitchat,1,"Its less than an hour to new years for me, just wanna say you aren't the only one alone, i have been through so many NY threads (not on depressions per say) and lots are happily staying in so don't feel down you aren't pretending to have fun at a party you don't wanna be at. Its likely lots of us will spend it alone, just look forward to good times next year and have a happy new year, i will be finishing some games on Halo and Atelier then hitting up a movie, so don't feel to bad! Happy new years and enjoy",Some-Looser,1,0,0,2019-12-31 23:12:25,depression,"Its less than an hour to new years for me, just wanna say you aren't the only one alone, i have been through so many NY threads (not on depressions per say) and lots are happily staying in so don't feel down you aren't pretending to have fun at a party you don't wanna be at. Its likely lots of us will spend it alone, just look forward to good times next year and have a happy new year, i will be finishing some games on Halo and Atelier then hitting up a movie, so don't feel to bad! Happy new years and enjoy",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 eitz1f,COMMITMENT IS CRUCIAL | Best Motivational Speech 2020 | TD Jakes & Les Brown,0,chitchat,4,,FullForce01,1,0,0,2020-01-02 05:29:52,selfhelp,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,Statement in title. Not a Post,True,000 eoccn8,Rambling thoughts from a hopeless dreamer,1a,rant,2,"You made a promise to your yourself. And you truly believed in it, it's getting urgent. And yet you find yourself breaking it, again. What's this one more weekend, still plenty time left. Okay. But then no more. You're prepared this time. This time, you even promise others. You believe in it, really. No more bullshit excuse, not answering the phone for a week and letting people down? No more of that, you promise. You apologize, you know you fucked up, and you mean it, you're sorry. You're trying to get better. But.. really, what's one more day? Tomorrow there isn't anything that important you could miss. And if it takes one more day to answer, you've been busy, so what? It happens. And you go into the flood again... The sad thing is when you really thought this time around you'd change for good. The heartbreaking thing is when you tell others and they believe in you, and you give up for no apparent reason. Yet I still believe there's more to this life, and I still swear I can make it tomorrow. Letting yourself and others down is heartbreaking, but maybe you need those heartbreaks to discover that tiny spark that may be left inside you? Promises broken, dreams denied, illusions shattered. But I refuse to accept that there isn't any more this life has to offer. As much as it seems like it sometimes, this spark won't go out. I don't have to promise it to anyone. I've known it all my life.",flying_dream11,1,0,1,2020-01-13 23:24:51,addiction,"You made a promise to your yourself. And you truly believed in it, it's getting urgent. And yet you find yourself breaking it, again. What's this one more weekend, still plenty time left. Okay. But then no more. You're prepared this time. This time, you even promise others. You believe in it, really. No more bullshit excuse, not answering the phone for a week and letting people down? No more of that, you promise. You apologize, you know you fucked up, and you mean it, you're sorry. You're trying to get better. But.. really, what's one more day? Tomorrow there isn't anything that important you could miss. And if it takes one more day to answer, you've been busy, so what? It happens. And you go into the flood again... The sad thing is when you really thought this time around you'd change for good. The heartbreaking thing is when you tell others and they believe in you, and you give up for no apparent reason. Yet I still believe there's more to this life, and I still swear I can make it tomorrow. Letting yourself and others down is heartbreaking, but maybe you need those heartbreaks to discover that tiny spark that may be left inside you? Promises broken, dreams denied, illusions shattered. But I refuse to accept that there isn't any more this life has to offer. As much as it seems like it sometimes, this spark won't go out. I don't have to promise it to anyone. I've known it all my life.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 f0xk26,Just chill out,1b,rant,1,"For some reason, I remember him saying ""just chill out. It'll be over soon"" Like he was annoyed by me not wanting him to fuck me. Like the whole issue was I being difficult. Then he was telling me it felt so good. How tight I was. How it would only be a couple more minutes. Almost Like why couldn't I just chill out for a couple minutes? Like I was the problem. any sign my body was stimulated he had to point out. How I was the best he ever had. Like I cared. I just needed to get this out. Thank you for listening - maddie",maddiej2000,1,0,0,2020-02-08 20:53:35,rapecounseling,"For some reason, I remember him saying ""just chill out. It'll be over soon"" Like he was annoyed by me not wanting him to fuck me. Like the whole issue was I being difficult. Then he was telling me it felt so good. How tight I was. How it would only be a couple more minutes. Almost Like why couldn't I just chill out for a couple minutes? Like I was the problem. any sign my body was stimulated he had to point out. How I was the best he ever had. Like I cared. I just needed to get this out. Thank you for listening - maddie",2,0,1,,,How did X make you feel?,his actions,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you overcome the trauma,,True,201 er1ffl,Angry Brother,1b,help-seeking,2,"I’m new here to this sub and just came across it today, been reading stories trying to figure things out. My older brother is intimidating to say the least. 19 Yrs old +200 LBs of mass. Everyday he’s going to the gym to release stress. He doesn’t yell most of the time but he is violent. His face says it all, just angry when he wakes up to when he sleeps. He throws heavy punches to anyone that crosses him, my little brother for not wanting to get off the tv, other brother for anything really he’s the most abused and me whenever hes bored. We have a family business that all physical activity and he’s a key employee,but he dreads coming everyday because our stepdad calls him out on his mistakes but refuses to change. Any criticism really he takes to heart. How we grew up was harsh, especially on him. Our biological dad really hurt him emotionally and physically, he had to endure that for 17 years, even to this day protecting our younger siblings from him when he does visit. We’re not helpful in anyway either. We joke about his anger and ask him why he’s mad but it infuriated him even more. He’s just mad! He goes to therapy and was diagnosed with PTSD but we still don’t know how to approach his anger or him. I knew him as a confident funny guy but now he’s self deprecating and doesn’t think thing through, messes up and gets mad. I want to rebuild our relationship because he has a personality other than mad, I just don’t know how. I’m at a standstill and really need advice. How can we as a family show him support? How can we deal with his outbursts, especially physical outburst? :(",OatyMealy,1,0,4,2020-01-19 20:05:12,Anger,"I’m new here to this sub and just came across it today, been reading stories trying to figure things out. My older brother is intimidating to say the least. 19 Yrs old +200 LBs of mass.Everyday he’s going to the gym to release stress. He doesn’t yell most of the time but he is violent. His face says it all, just angry when he wakes up to when he sleeps. He throws heavy punches to anyone that crosses him, my little brother for not wanting to get off the tv, other brother for anything really he’s the most abused and me whenever hes bored. We have a family business that all physical activity and he’s a key employee,but he dreads coming everyday because our stepdad calls him out on his mistakes but refuses to change. Any criticism really he takes to heart. How we grew up was harsh, especially on him. Our biological dad really hurt him emotionally and physically, he had to endure that for 17 years, even to this day protecting our younger siblings from him when he does visit. We’re not helpful in anyway either. We joke about his anger and ask him why he’s mad but it infuriated him even more. He’s just mad! He goes to therapy and was diagnosed with PTSD but we still don’t know how to approach his anger or him. I knew him as a confident funny guy but now he’s self deprecating and doesn’t think thing through, messes up and gets mad. I want to rebuild our relationship because he has a personality other than mad, I just don’t know how. I’m at a standstill and really need advice. How can we as a family show him support? How can we deal with his outbursts, especially physical outburst? :(",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eybgi1,My clinical depression has turned into anger.,1b,help-seeking,2,"I've suffered from depression for years. I was on medication for a while and felt okay enough to wean myself off of them with the help of weed. Over the last year I've been so irritable. It's getting worse. Thin patience with ""stupid people"" ""stupid things"". I don't like when people do things without actually having any intentions and they don't know whyyy they're doing those things. That may sound ridiculous and I'm aware I cannot control everything and it's okay to do shit a certain way for whatever reason. Just because it's not justified to me, doesn't mean it's not justified. I always try to see things from the other pov(s). I don't want this to affect me and my personal relationships and life anymore. I want to go back to being more careless and free and happy and just go with the flow of things. I have lurked through many of these posts and have bookmarked articles, downloaded a few audio books, and installed a few anger management apps on my phone. I will proceed to dive into them and learn from them. Can anybody relate to me? Am I just being mental for not having patience that is expressed with anger?",honey__y,1,0,12,2020-02-03 18:31:59,Anger,"I've suffered from depression for years. I was on medication for a while and felt okay enough to wean myself off of them with the help of weed. Over the last year I've been so irritable. It's getting worse. Thin patience with ""stupid people"" ""stupid things"". I don't like when people do things without actually having any intentions and they don't know whyyy they're doing those things. That may sound ridiculous and I'm aware I cannot control everything and it's okay to do shit a certain way for whatever reason. Just because it's not justified to me, doesn't mean it's not justified. I always try to see things from the other pov(s). I don't want this to affect me and my personal relationships and life anymore. I want to go back to being more careless and free and happy and just go with the flow of things. I have lurked through many of these posts and have bookmarked articles, downloaded a few audio books, and installed a few anger management apps on my phone. I will proceed to dive into them and learn from them. Can anybody relate to me? Am I just being mental for not having patience that is expressed with anger?",1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,the cause of your depression,How did X make you feel?,the depression,,,,True,102 ej3px9,i remember,0,chitchat,2,,Suicidal_Bisexual,1,0,0,2020-01-02 20:27:06,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 einute,Yale Students Abusing Adderall to Study More,0,survey,1,"[Yale Adderall Abuse](https://yaledailynews.com/blog/2014/04/25/the-need-for-speed/) An interesting article I found that talks about college students without ADHD using Adderall, college students with ADHD using Adderall, amphetamines in general, the modern school culture of “doing it all” (being involved in many extracurricular activities while still getting perfect grades), the debate on overdiagnosis of ADHD, and the future of possible neuro-enhancing drugs. I’m sorry if that was word vomit but the article is really interesting and I want to hear what everyone on this subreddit thinks about it!",allrightm8,1,0,12,2020-01-01 21:11:13,ADHD,"[Yale Adderall Abuse](https://yaledailynews.com/blog/2014/04/25/the-need-for-speed/) An interesting article I found that talks about college students without ADHD using Adderall, college students with ADHD using Adderall, amphetamines in general, the modern school culture of “doing it all” (being involved in many extracurricular activities while still getting perfect grades), the debate on overdiagnosis of ADHD, and the future of possible neuro-enhancing drugs. I’m sorry if that was word vomit but the article is really interesting and I want to hear what everyone on this subreddit thinks about it!",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 enn3qu,One month sober today.,0,chitchat,2,"Today marks one month since I last took a pill (400mg oxy/morphine daily). I feel as if I never took pills, and surprisingly I have all my energy back, and my insomnia is completely gone. Last night I slept great with no Xanax. The only thing is I got sick right after about 11 days of sobriety, I’m guessing because my immunities were very low, and I’ve been sick for about two weeks. This almost caused me to relapse because I didn’t wanna feel sick anymore. But compared to withdrawals, being sick felt like nothing. I’ve had a cough though that doesn’t go away for about 12 days. So I can definitely tell my immunities took a big hit. Other then that, I have extremely sweaty hands all the time, I’m not sure if that’s from detox. But all I can say is, don’t be afraid of living sober. The first couple of day’s I was terrified, crying, anxious, but that’s all normal. Just know it happens to everybody and you are not a lone. It’s part of the process. Watch some feel good movies and don’t be afraid to cry it out. Anyway, best of luck to all!",slick718,1,0,33,2020-01-12 12:52:25,OpiatesRecovery,"Today marks one month since I last took a pill (400mg oxy/morphine daily). I feel as if I never took pills, and surprisingly I have all my energy back, and my insomnia is completely gone. Last night I slept great with no Xanax. The only thing is I got sick right after about 11 days of sobriety, I’m guessing because my immunities were very low, and I’ve been sick for about two weeks. This almost caused me to relapse because I didn’t wanna feel sick anymore. But compared to withdrawals, being sick felt like nothing. I’ve had a cough though that doesn’t go away for about 12 days. So I can definitely tell my immunities took a big hit. Other then that, I have extremely sweaty hands all the time, I’m not sure if that’s from detox. But all I can say is, don’t be afraid of living sober. The first couple of day’s I was terrified, crying, anxious, but that’s all normal. Just know it happens to everybody and you are not a lone. It’s part of the process. Watch some feel good movies and don’t be afraid to cry it out. Anyway, best of luck to all!",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eur4rd,Life is fundamentally unfair. But there is a very good reason to keep going regardless...,1a,rant,1,,DrRidleyCooper,1,0,0,2020-01-27 17:30:55,selfhelp,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 ejkqi8,Having a super shitty time. Finding it hard to be grateful right now. Anybody have any good news?,0,survey,1,"Hey, all. Just finding myself to be very depressed lately. It seems as though lots of people I’m close to are having shit luck too. Could really use some cheer, right about now. Anybody having a good day? Please share. I super need to see something positive right now",EatCakeOk,2,0,2,2020-01-03 19:55:55,addiction,"Hey, all. Just finding myself to be very depressed lately. It seems as though lots of people I’m close to are having shit luck too. Could really use some cheer, right about now. Anybody having a good day? Please share. I super need to see something positive right now",0,2,2,What made you feel X ?,depressed,,,,,,True,022 elzhau,Want to give up,1a,rant,2,"Spent October In rehab, clean and sober since October 6 2019. For the last few weeks my depression has come back in full force. Feels like I don’t have anyone, all my friends are gone. Haven’t talked to my best friend since August. I just want to feel loved but I feel so alone and I am becoming obsessed with the thought of relapse. I’m trying to get through it one day at a time but it seems to get worse every day. Using/drinking dreams every night so vivid I wake up thinking it’s real. I just can’t take being alone anymore and I miss my dirtbag friends. I know I need to do something to feel better but I just don’t know what it is and don’t have the enthusiasm to even try anymore. The meetings sort of help. I’m terrified of what happens if I relapse but can’t stop thinking about it. Rant over I guess",doobiecautious,1,0,6,2020-01-08 21:46:17,addiction,"Spent October In rehab, clean and sober since October 6 2019. For the last few weeks my depression has come back in full force. Feels like I don’t have anyone, all my friends are gone. Haven’t talked to my best friend since August. I just want to feel loved but I feel so alone and I am becoming obsessed with the thought of relapse. I’m trying to get through it one day at a time but it seems to get worse every day. Using/drinking dreams every night so vivid I wake up thinking it’s real. I just can’t take being alone anymore and I miss my dirtbag friends. I know I need to do something to feel better but I just don’t know what it is and don’t have the enthusiasm to even try anymore. The meetings sort of help. I’m terrified of what happens if I relapse but can’t stop thinking about it. Rant over I guess",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are feeling depressed and lonely,,True,220 ept540,Leading in AA - Making it a Resentment,1a,help-seeking,2,"I know its quite a hot topic. So I have an EXTREME fear of public speaking. Im one of those stories you hear about thinking of going back out just to avoid leading after your year sobriety. I walked out of my first lead with a severe panic attack and felt like i couldnt breathe. My sponsor made me go back up and finish it. Anyway, ive continued to lead for the past 3 years since my first lead (Sobriety date is 10.19.15) and I still cringe every single time im asked to lead. I dont say no because its what I was taught but the thought of leading and being constantly asked makes me not want to go to meetings anymore. Which i know is not the best idea. Ive found myself avoiding the people who hint toward asking me to lead instead of just telling people what's going on. My sponsor knows whats going on and she said it was okay to say no if I really didnt want to but I guess im kinda feeling like im not a part of AA or im taking an easy way out of what everyone else does to give back so I say yes anyway and then find myself having little resentments. But its getting bad now, im only going to one meeting a week because ove convinced myself the less I go, the less likely ill get asked to lead. I love AA and all my fellow members. I dont like feeling this way though all over leading. Any advice or thoughts are appreciated!",serenitysgaurdian,1,0,33,2020-01-17 01:23:30,alcoholicsanonymous,"I know its quite a hot topic. So I have an EXTREME fear of public speaking. Im one of those stories you hear about thinking of going back out just to avoid leading after your year sobriety. I walked out of my first lead with a severe panic attack and felt like i couldnt breathe. My sponsor made me go back up and finish it. Anyway, ive continued to lead for the past 3 years since my first lead (Sobriety date is 10.19.15) and I still cringe every single time im asked to lead. I dont say no because its what I was taught but the thought of leading and being constantly asked makes me not want to go to meetings anymore. Which i know is not the best idea. Ive found myself avoiding the people who hint toward asking me to lead instead of just telling people what's going on. My sponsor knows whats going on and she said it was okay to say no if I really didnt want to but I guess im kinda feeling like im not a part of AA or im taking an easy way out of what everyone else does to give back so I say yes anyway and then find myself having little resentments. But its getting bad now, im only going to one meeting a week because ove convinced myself the less I go, the less likely ill get asked to lead. I love AA and all my fellow members. I dont like feeling this way though all over leading. Any advice or thoughts are appreciated!",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you attend the meetings,,True,221 evrz17,Is this normal,1b,help-seeking,1,"When I was 4 I was sexually assaulted by a relative. Most of the resources I’ve seen about children are victimized in this way say that they hate their perpetrators, are scared to be around them etc I didn’t. I really liked the perpetrator, even after they assaulted me. I would get very excited when they came to visit. The only caveat was I would feel extremely guilty for liking them, even though I could never articulate why (obviously now I can) Is this known to happen sometimes or was I just a freak?",dietdrpeppr,1,0,7,2020-01-29 19:44:26,rapecounseling,"When I was 4 I was sexually assaulted by a relative. Most of the resources I’ve seen about children are victimized in this way say that they hate their perpetrators, are scared to be around them etc I didn’t. I really liked the perpetrator, even after they assaulted me. I would get very excited when they came to visit. The only caveat was I would feel extremely guilty for liking them, even though I could never articulate why (obviously now I can) Is this known to happen sometimes or was I just a freak?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ek9niw,.,0,chitchat,5,,-JustAnotherFace-,14,0,4,2020-01-05 07:06:14,socialanxiety,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ekzbvf,Update: Husband refusing help (Positive),1b,help-seeking,3,"Good morning, I want to thank those of you who reached out to me with my last post here about my husband avoiding all options for his issues. I would love to tell you guys that I sat him down and we talked like adults, but I've been trying that for so long and it never sinks in. It never gets through. Not enough, anyway. He would brush it aside, or listen then immediately check out as the conversation continued. But, life isn't like that. It took me snapping. It took me yelling for the first time in our relationship. It took me turning into an aggressor and challenging every excuse with brutal honesty. Every excuse I turned back on him. I basically told him I am washing my hands of being responsible for his emotions and he needs to resolve his shit, because if he isn't making an effort, then why the hell should I. That every time I try to support him, he takes it for granted. That I feel like I'm literally giving everything I can give, only to find him taking zero responsibility for trying to help himself. I've never done that. I'm very calm. This was honestly the first time I've ever yelled back. I went toe to toe. I hated every second of it. I wasn't cruel. I wasn't mean. I didn't say things to hurt him. But I yelled. I asked him to help me. Please. For the love of everything, *help me*. I was tired of carrying it alone. That I felt so responsible for him, and he couldn't be bothered to see how much it was crushing me. Somehow, it got through to him. Something finally got through. As the heated words calmed down, he apologized and held me. He had never seen me like that, he said. That is terrified him. That I had been pushed that far and bottled it all up for his sake. That he didn't say often enough how much he appreciated me, and that I shouldn't have to carry him like that anymore. He officially has follow-up appointments booked. He admitted that he needs to talk to someone that isn't me. I have also booked appointments for myself too. We have openly talked about this a few times, and he is taking a much more active role in... well... everything. It's a start. It isn't a fix, but it's a start. Thank you for those who sent me kind words as I was searching for solutions.",NegativeBarracuda,1,0,2,2020-01-06 19:58:03,ptsd,"Good morning, I want to thank those of you who reached out to me with my last post here about my husband avoiding all options for his issues. I would love to tell you guys that I sat him down and we talked like adults, but I've been trying that for so long and it never sinks in. It never gets through. Not enough, anyway. He would brush it aside, or listen then immediately check out as the conversation continued. But, life isn't like that. It took me snapping. It took me yelling for the first time in our relationship. It took me turning into an aggressor and challenging every excuse with brutal honesty. Every excuse I turned back on him. I basically told him I am washing my hands of being responsible for his emotions and he needs to resolve his shit, because if he isn't making an effort, then why the hell should I. That every time I try to support him, he takes it for granted. That I feel like I'm literally giving everything I can give, only to find him taking zero responsibility for trying to help himself. I've never done that. I'm very calm. This was honestly the first time I've ever yelled back. I went toe to toe. I hated every second of it. I wasn't cruel. I wasn't mean. I didn't say things to hurt him. But I yelled. I asked him to help me. Please. For the love of everything, *help me*. I was tired of carrying it alone. That I felt so responsible for him, and he couldn't be bothered to see how much it was crushing me. Somehow, it got through to him. Something finally got through. As the heated words calmed down, he apologized and held me. He had never seen me like that, he said. That is terrified him. That I had been pushed that far and bottled it all up for his sake. That he didn't say often enough how much he appreciated me, and that I shouldn't have to carry him like that anymore. He officially has follow-up appointments booked. He admitted that he needs to talk to someone that isn't me. I have also booked appointments for myself too. We have openly talked about this a few times, and he is taking a much more active role in... well... everything. It's a start. It isn't a fix, but it's a start. Thank you for those who sent me kind words as I was searching for solutions.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eio36z,I want to stop pushing my significant other a way,1a,help-seeking,1,"I want to stop pushing my significant other a way, I love them. But somehow I keep starting arguments over the small stuff. I want to become more aware and stop myself",_roguelegate,1,0,7,2020-01-01 21:28:51,BPD,"I want to stop pushing my significant other a way, I love them. But somehow I keep starting arguments over the small stuff. I want to become more aware and stop myself",1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what makes you start arguments,How did X make you feel?,the arguments ,,,,True,102 eiqdp4,"When you worry about something tomorrow and you can' t relax (like a dentist, or presentation), what are some calming techniques to make it feel not that difficult for now and the following day?",0,help-seeking,1,,16o1denRatio,1,0,0,2020-01-02 00:29:29,Anxiety,"When you worry about something tomorrow and you can' t relax (like a dentist, or presentation). what are some calming techniques to make it feel not that difficult for now and the following day? nan",1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what makes you worry,How did X make you feel?,worrying about tomorrow,,,,True,102 eij20b,2020 as a trigger,1b,rant,1,"I don’t even know how to explain, and I’m scared to sound the way I sound, but I’m scared about this year in general. I was raped and abused in 2015. I also lost two grandparents two months apart that time in the Spring, and my assailant used my grief to make advances on me. 2020, with the exception of January and February, has the same calendar year as 2015, which is a huge trigger for me when I think about it. Anniversaries are the same day of the week, and timing and seasons are a big part of my triggers. It just seems too close to me. I also have been hating seeing stuff about how apparently everything is more special because it’s a new decade, and everyone is starting fresh. But I just feel like I’m going to be stuck in the past. I’m in therapy (both abuse and grief) to navigate this, but I feel so alone with only my two therapists, my older brother and his girlfriend, and only two friends knowing about this. I want to skip this year and be in a time where there’s nothing resemblant of what happened.",bonjouretaurevoir,1,0,3,2020-01-01 14:49:04,rapecounseling,"I don’t even know how to explain, and I’m scared to sound the way I sound, but I’m scared about this year in general. I was raped and abused in 2015. I also lost two grandparents two months apart that time in the Spring, and my assailant used my grief to make advances on me. 2020, with the exception of January and February, has the same calendar year as 2015, which is a huge trigger for me when I think about it. Anniversaries are the same day of the week, and timing and seasons are a big part of my triggers. It just seems too close to me. I also have been hating seeing stuff about how apparently everything is more special because it’s a new decade, and everyone is starting fresh. But I just feel like I’m going to be stuck in the past. I’m in therapy (both abuse and grief) to navigate this, but I feel so alone with only my two therapists, my older brother and his girlfriend, and only two friends knowing about this. I want to skip this year and be in a time where there’s nothing resemblant of what happened.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you not be scared,,True,221 eoi7pa,I went to my first meeting in over a year tonight. I wasn't expecting this level of peace.,1b,rant,3,"*insert bullshit excuses of why I haven't been going here* Yesterday, I was at a funeral and talking to a family friend who cannot stay sober. I'm listening to him asking me for help (I have 9yrs in February if all goes well) just thinking to myself I ethically cannot offer him help since I'm dry as FUCK. I gave him some numbers but it bothered me. A lot. Then tonight I'm packing up my house and an old friend invites me to a meeting and it felt like the stars aligned. For the first time in a year, I didn't think about work for an hour. I didn't think about family drama, work drama, or feel at all like the vibrating ball of anxiety I've been. For the first time in a year I had intelligent conversation. For the first time in a year I felt understood. I forgot how magical meetings are and that this is how my higher power works in my life. I was really scared to go back. I was worried I would be berated (which I was by one guy, but my friend stepped in quickly*). I was worried I would be the ""newcomer again"". I was so worried about what everyone else would say and the sheer effort to leave the house was even difficult, however I'm glad I went. I feel peaceful and relaxed and stable again. I'm back, baby, and ready to help myself and others again. *I want to mention something. I was confronted rather aggressively after the meeting about why I didn't speak, why I haven't been going to meetings, why this why that and how my clean time means nothing now because I am dry and how I ""need to decide if I'm going to kill myself or drink again"". He was treating me like I was less than him. My first thought was ""wow this was a big fucking mistake. I'm never coming back now."" And I remembered why I stopped coming to meetings. My friend shooed him away and other people did damage control (hi higher power, I see you). But I've seen this as a pattern in the 9 years I've been sober (8 going to meetings) dont beat people up for fucking up. We're flawed. Stop telling people how to work their program. I hate this hollier than thou attitude some of the old timers have. No one is better than anyone in meetings. When it comes down to it, we're just a bunch of drunks trying to survive and thrive.",squidnaay,1,0,22,2020-01-14 07:43:24,alcoholicsanonymous,"*insert bullshit excuses of why I haven't been going here* Yesterday, I was at a funeral and talking to a family friend who cannot stay sober. I'm listening to him asking me for help (I have 9yrs in February if all goes well) just thinking to myself I ethically cannot offer him help since I'm dry as FUCK. I gave him some numbers but it bothered me. A lot. Then tonight I'm packing up my house and an old friend invites me to a meeting and it felt like the stars aligned. For the first time in a year, I didn't think about work for an hour. I didn't think about family drama, work drama, or feel at all like the vibrating ball of anxiety I've been. For the first time in a year I had intelligent conversation. For the first time in a year I felt understood. I forgot how magical meetings are and that this is how my higher power works in my life. I was really scared to go back. I was worried I would be berated (which I was by one guy, but my friend stepped in quickly*). I was worried I would be the ""newcomer again"". I was so worried about what everyone else would say and the sheer effort to leave the house was even difficult, however I'm glad I went. I feel peaceful and relaxed and stable again. I'm back, baby, and ready to help myself and others again. *I want to mention something. I was confronted rather aggressively after the meeting about why I didn't speak, why I haven't been going to meetings, why this why that and how my clean time means nothing now because I am dry and how I ""need to decide if I'm going to kill myself or drink again"". He was treating me like I was less than him. My first thought was ""wow this was a big fucking mistake. I'm never coming back now."" And I remembered why I stopped coming to meetings. My friend shooed him away and other people did damage control (hi higher power, I see you). But I've seen this as a pattern in the 9 years I've been sober (8 going to meetings) dont beat people up for fucking up. We're flawed. Stop telling people how to work their program. I hate this hollier than thou attitude some of the old timers have. No one is better than anyone in meetings. When it comes down to it, we're just a bunch of drunks trying to survive and thrive.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 em26sl,Was this rape?,1b,help-seeking,2,"So basically when I was 18, I was having an affair with a bipolar girl who did whatever she wanted to me and I was so head up my ass in love with her I went along with it. She also had a much older boyfriend and had given birth to a baby about eight months before we started having sex. She and I had sex probably 60 - 70 times. She wouldn't let me wear condoms. She only made me wear a condom a few times, after finding out I had slept with another girl, because in her words ""I'm not catching whatever that little skank gave you."" Most of the time I came inside her. It wasn't my idea, she just wouldn't get off of me, or she would wrap her legs around me. I would bring up my concerns about her getting pregnant and all she would say is ""I'm on birth control why don't you fucking trust me"" or ""You should want to get me pregnant."" The first time we slept together, I wore no condom, I tried to warn her I was cumming and all she said was ""You're supposed to, stupid."" The thing is, I could have done several things to not cum inside of her. I'm bigger than her and stronger than her. Yet I still did it anyway. I can't figure out if it was rape, but it definitely wasn't my idea to cum inside her. She was very insistent. Eventually she did wind up getting pregnant with my baby. It could have been on a night she wouldn't get off me, but there was a night where her nuvaring came out and I came inside her like 10 minutes later. I think that's most likely the night our kid was conceived. Some I have talked to think she did got pregnant on purpose but I can't figure out why she would. I have no money, we broke up right after she got pregnant and I'm not even that handsome. She had no motive that I can think of, aside from just wanting a baby, but she already had one. Why would she do that? The one time I called her out on it, she said ""I'm not forcing you I just helped you figure out what you wanted."" I'm confused and still havent figured out years later whether she was the crazy one or I am.",Green_wagon,1,0,1,2020-01-09 01:07:52,rapecounseling,"So basically when I was 18, I was having an affair with a bipolar girl who did whatever she wanted to me and I was so head up my ass in love with her I went along with it. She also had a much older boyfriend and had given birth to a baby about eight months before we started having sex. She and I had sex probably 60 - 70 times. She wouldn't let me wear condoms. She only made me wear a condom a few times, after finding out I had slept with another girl, because in her words ""I'm not catching whatever that little skank gave you."" Most of the time I came inside her. It wasn't my idea, she just wouldn't get off of me, or she would wrap her legs around me. I would bring up my concerns about her getting pregnant and all she would say is ""I'm on birth control why don't you fucking trust me"" or ""You should want to get me pregnant."" The first time we slept together, I wore no condom, I tried to warn her I was cumming and all she said was ""You're supposed to, stupid."" The thing is, I could have done several things to not cum inside of her. I'm bigger than her and stronger than her. Yet I still did it anyway. I can't figure out if it was rape, but it definitely wasn't my idea to cum inside her. She was very insistent. Eventually she did wind up getting pregnant with my baby. It could have been on a night she wouldn't get off me, but there was a night where her nuvaring came out and I came inside her like 10 minutes later. I think that's most likely the night our kid was conceived. Some I have talked to think she did got pregnant on purpose but I can't figure out why she would. I have no money, we broke up right after she got pregnant and I'm not even that handsome. She had no motive that I can think of, aside from just wanting a baby, but she already had one. Why would she do that? The one time I called her out on it, she said ""I'm not forcing you I just helped you figure out what you wanted."" I'm confused and still havent figured out years later whether she was the crazy one or I am.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are confused about that girl's actions,,True,220 ejbont,Five Months Clean,0,chitchat,1,"I never really meant to stop, it kinda just happened. That isn’t to say I don’t get urges anymore. They’re there and I suspect they will stay with me for the foreseeable future. This New Years was one of the times I felt it come on strong again. Suffice to say I was at a gathering of friends for New Years, went off to the bathroom, and seriously contemplated using the blades and bandages I keep on me. I’ve found that it’s better to have it and not use it than not have it and decide to MacGyver something sharp and cover with tissues. Gotta safe and clean y’all. Sometimes I wish I could tell my friends what I’m going through. Although I know I’ll never volunteer that information. It’s not even always punishment for myself. Sometimes it feels like scratching an itch that I couldn’t reach. I think I just wanted to share with others finally. I hope you’re all doing well and get to where you want to be this year.",TheyResentMe,3,0,0,2020-01-03 06:43:59,selfharm,"I never really meant to stop, it kinda just happened. That isn’t to say I don’t get urges anymore. They’re there and I suspect they will stay with me for the foreseeable future. This New Years was one of the times I felt it come on strong again. Suffice to say I was at a gathering of friends for New Years, went off to the bathroom, and seriously contemplated using the blades and bandages I keep on me. I’ve found that it’s better to have it and not use it than not have it and decide to MacGyver something sharp and cover with tissues. Gotta safe and clean y’all. Sometimes I wish I could tell my friends what I’m going through. Although I know I’ll never volunteer that information. It’s not even always punishment for myself. Sometimes it feels like scratching an itch that I couldn’t reach. I think I just wanted to share with others finally. I hope you’re all doing well and get to where you want to be this year.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 el9sxs,"Detoxing in 2 days, 30MG a day. What to expect?",1a,help-seeking,1,"I think I’m ready to go clean, I can only see it getting worst for my pockets and I need to start treating myself better. I’ve been on Oxy for a year now, no more than 30 MG a day. Taking 7 full days off vacation off work starting tomorrow so when I get off work I’m going to take 5MG to sleep at 10PM then avoid using after that. How should I even prepare? I have anxiety already and know it’s going to be rough. But I’m ready.. I always told myself I could never become one of those addicts like my dad but look at me now.",throwawaynodaway,1,0,6,2020-01-07 10:25:00,OpiatesRecovery,"I think I’m ready to go clean, I can only see it getting worst for my pockets and I need to start treating myself better. I’ve been on Oxy for a year now, no more than 30 MG a day. Taking 7 full days off vacation off work starting tomorrow so when I get off work I’m going to take 5MG to sleep at 10PM then avoid using after that. How should I even prepare? I have anxiety already and know it’s going to be rough. But I’m ready.. I always told myself I could never become one of those addicts like my dad but look at me now.",2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how did taking oxy make you feel,,,,True,212 f49f8t,Parents with anger issues?,1b,help-seeking,2,"I think my mom and my younger sister(im 16 she's 14)have anger issues so its really hard to have a normal argument or comversation without them throwing stuff at me or getting offended. I've always been good at controlling my anger and being aware of why im angry and if it's justified or not. Today I took my sisters sweats because mine are dirty and I didnt think it would matter much I just took them because i was going out soon and didnt want to wear something stiff and my sisters not going anywhere today (my foots also currently broken so it would be a whole thing to take my boot off take the sweats off and find something else to where then put the boot back on again.) Anyway the point is that when my mam saw me wearing them she started getting angry and telling me i had to take them off that my sister had been looking for them earlier i said that would be alot of effort and it shouldnt matter that much they're just clothes my sister heard and was kind of angry that i took them but didnt seem to mind that much but my mam kept fighting with me about it. I let my sister borrow my clothes whenevr she wants to so i dont know why my mam cares so much but she started screaming at me and then my sister started screaming aswell(not about me taking them off she didnt care about that she was just telling me to shut up) my sister threw a metal bowl at me twice and my mam raised her hand at me and kept stomping over to me like she was going to hit me. She does that stuff alot I think she would actually hit me because she used to when i was younger(not alot) but she doesnt because i yell at her not to touch me because i know she knows she's not aloud to. I think they overreacter but i can't tell them that because they scream and tell me to shut up they dont even want to listen to what i have to say ( im not even being patronizing or angry I'm just trying to have a calm discussion) Did they overreact or am i just looking for trouble? My mam always says that i wind both of them up and its my fault when they get mad i dont think that's true i think they have no self control. My sister told me to stop acting like a victim when i told them i just want to talk to them without having things thrown at me so i dont really know what to do i wish i was as strong as i pretend to be but sometimes i doubt myself and think maybe i am actually the problem. I know this post is long I'm just not really sure about anything.",hotloser,1,0,6,2020-02-15 13:30:59,Anger,I think my mom and my younger sister(im 16 she's 14)have anger issues so its really hard to have a normal argument or comversation without them throwing stuff at me or getting offended. I've always been good at controlling my anger and being aware of why im angry and if it's justified or not. Today I took my sisters sweats because mine are dirty and I didnt think it would matter much I just took them because i was going out soon and didnt want to wear something stiff and my sisters not going anywhere today (my foots also currently broken so it would be a whole thing to take my boot off take the sweats off and find something else to where then put the boot back on again.) Anyway the point is that when my mam saw me wearing them she started getting angry and telling me i had to take them off that my sister had been looking for them earlier i said that would be alot of effort and it shouldnt matter that much they're just clothes my sister heard and was kind of angry that i took them but didnt seem to mind that much but my mam kept fighting with me about it. I let my sister borrow my clothes whenevr she wants to so i dont know why my mam cares so much but she started screaming at me and then my sister started screaming aswell(not about me taking them off she didnt care about that she was just telling me to shut up) my sister threw a metal bowl at me twice and my mam raised her hand at me and kept stomping over to me like she was going to hit me. She does that stuff alot I think she would actually hit me because she used to when i was younger(not alot) but she doesnt because i yell at her not to touch me because i know she knows she's not aloud to. I think they overreacter but i can't tell them that because they scream and tell me to shut up they dont even want to listen to what i have to say ( im not even being patronizing or angry I'm just trying to have a calm discussion) Did they overreact or am i just looking for trouble? My mam always says that i wind both of them up and its my fault when they get mad i dont think that's true i think they have no self control. My sister told me to stop acting like a victim when i told them i just want to talk to them without having things thrown at me so i dont really know what to do i wish i was as strong as i pretend to be but sometimes i doubt myself and think maybe i am actually the problem. I know this post is long I'm just not really sure about anything.,2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,you mom and sister's behaviour,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you,,True,202 ekeeov,I'm heart broken.,1a,rant,2,"So, as a 17 years old Turkish guy, I've never fall in love with someone until 50 days ago, I'm successful, not fit but not fat, funny, intelligent etc. as my friends told me. I've been seeing her again and again in school, and one day I really felt something in my heart, a spark to start all of this misery. I was into her, the way she smile literally ruined my bpm, I decided to meet her and try to become friends with her, waited at least 2 weeks until I wrote to her, I took the risk and tried to chat with her, and as a result, I've had one of the best conversations ever, we straight talked for 3 hours and went to sleep. Chatting was going good, life was good. We talked for a week, and after that more I learned about her thoughts and ideas I started to fall in love harder, but I was hearing some rumours that she was into someone else, I wasn't fucking up my mood, because I knew that they wouldn't be together for more that a month. That happened, they broke up, and she cried for hours right next to me and my friends. It was so hard to see her cry, I couldn't support her through that time and that night I told her my real feelings, and she said ""sorry"" I didn't got that much affected that night, but afterwards is fucking wreck. Right now we don't talk because she has some issues with her family, I tried to support her but she pushed me away. She is right though, if she is caring about me it would be better for me to stay away from her. But each time I see her crying I feel like dying,i never loved since that day. I still care about her but she fucked up my motivation and my will to live, I always wanted to become more successful but I'm straight heading downwards on my grades, my social life, my health. Dunno what to do, and through this hard time I realise some of my fake friends and real friends. I wish she will achieve her goals and her dreams. I love her.",firsttimedf,1,0,2,2020-01-05 15:32:27,sad,"So, as a 17 years old Turkish guy, I've never fall in love with someone until 50 days ago, I'm successful, not fit but not fat, funny, intelligent etc. as my friends told me. I've been seeing her again and again in school, and one day I really felt something in my heart, a spark to start all of this misery. I was into her, the way she smile literally ruined my bpm, I decided to meet her and try to become friends with her, waited at least 2 weeks until I wrote to her, I took the risk and tried to chat with her, and as a result, I've had one of the best conversations ever, we straight talked for 3 hours and went to sleep. Chatting was going good, life was good. We talked for a week, and after that more I learned about her thoughts and ideas I started to fall in love harder, but I was hearing some rumours that she was into someone else, I wasn't fucking up my mood, because I knew that they wouldn't be together for more that a month. That happened, they broke up, and she cried for hours right next to me and my friends. It was so hard to see her cry, I couldn't support her through that time and that night I told her my real feelings, and she said ""sorry"" I didn't got that much affected that night, but afterwards is fucking wreck. Right now we don't talk because she has some issues with her family, I tried to support her but she pushed me away. She is right though, if she is caring about me it would be better for me to stay away from her. But each time I see her crying I feel like dying,i never loved since that day. I still care about her but she fucked up my motivation and my will to live, I always wanted to become more successful but I'm straight heading downwards on my grades, my social life, my health. Dunno what to do, and through this hard time I realise some of my fake friends and real friends. I wish she will achieve her goals and her dreams. I love her.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you lost your motivation and will to live,,True,220 ephs8d,Dealing with depression after death of Wife (suicide),1b,help-seeking,2,"I was with my wife for 5 yrs, married 8 months, she expired in 2017, since then I haven't been able to pick my self up by the boot straps, I was put in the hospital for 10 mouths after her death, the reason why she did it is unknown but she had medical problems that cause her a lot of pain, she didn't state a reason in her goodbye letter, I blame myself I knew she was in pain but I didn't have a clue that lost the will to life, and she never told me she felt suicidal, I should have pick up on it, this year i promised myself I would start dating again and I am seeing someone but its has only been 2 weeks and we have already hit the wall, she thinks I am not interested in her, which is true but not true at the same time, I really like her but have feeling for anyone else I can't seem to do anymore, I put up a wall and I can't seem to let take it down, I am shutdown emotionally and also she is not my wife, and I always looking for her into the women I am dating how do I stop this way of thinking. and of course I am scared that she might do it to me too. don't suggest that I need to see a psychiatrist or therapist not that I wouldn't but I run my own business and I can't afford the insurance, can anyone give me advice on how to deal with this",dfj22,1,0,8,2020-01-16 10:51:15,mentalillness,"Dealing with depression after death of Wife (suicide) I was with my wife for 5 yrs, married 8 months, she expired in 2017, since then I haven't been able to pick my self up by the boot straps, I was put in the hospital for 10 mouths after her death, the reason why she did it is unknown but she had medical problems that cause her a lot of pain, she didn't state a reason in her goodbye letter, I blame myself I knew she was in pain but I didn't have a clue that lost the will to life, and she never told me she felt suicidal, I should have pick up on it, this year i promised myself I would start dating again and I am seeing someone but its has only been 2 weeks and we have already hit the wall, she thinks I am not interested in her, which is true but not true at the same time, I really like her but have feeling for anyone else I can't seem to do anymore, I put up a wall and I can't seem to let take it down, I am shutdown emotionally and also she is not my wife, and I always looking for her into the women I am dating how do I stop this way of thinking. and of course I am scared that she might do it to me too. don't suggest that I need to see a psychiatrist or therapist not that I wouldn't but I run my own business and I can't afford the insurance, can anyone give me advice on how to deal with this",2,1,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how the depression made you feel,,,,True,212 eiffbo,"Deadlines make me sick with anxiety, and I'm applying for graduate school",1a,rant,2,"My first application is due January 20th, and I feel so behind, but I approach a panic attack every time I work on my application. How am I going to live through graduate school if the application is this horrible?? I put off applying to any grad school for six years because I had such a traumatizing final year of college because of anxiety. I don't suppose it was technically traumatizing, I don't want to use the word trauma lightly, but I developed chronic panic attacks that year, that I still struggle with. I have OCD, and I've been battling it my whole life, but panic attacks made dealing with OCD even more unbearable. I finally got them under control last year, and only have them occasionally now (at my worst I had multiple daily). But anyone with panic attacks knows they are absolutely no fun ever. Also my compulsions are minimal now, but my disorder takes so much maintenance. I've just recently started going to therapy only once every two weeks instead of weekly, because I want to try to be more independent, it's expensive, and I'm finally doing better, but I've noticed it's noticeably more difficult to get by with less frequent therapy. How will I survive without my therapist?? These are all things I've discussed with my therapist, but the approach my my first deadline is making these thoughts race. I don't know what I want from this post. Maybe it's just a rant.",jasta10,1,0,0,2020-01-01 07:02:21,Anxiety,"My first application is due January 20th, and I feel so behind, but I approach a panic attack every time I work on my application. How am I going to live through graduate school if the application is this horrible?? I put off applying to any grad school for six years because I had such a traumatizing final year of college because of anxiety. I don't suppose it was technically traumatizing, I don't want to use the word trauma lightly, but I developed chronic panic attacks that year, that I still struggle with. I have OCD, and I've been battling it my whole life, but panic attacks made dealing with OCD even more unbearable. I finally got them under control last year, and only have them occasionally now (at my worst I had multiple daily). But anyone with panic attacks knows they are absolutely no fun ever. Also my compulsions are minimal now, but my disorder takes so much maintenance. I've just recently started going to therapy only once every two weeks instead of weekly, because I want to try to be more independent, it's expensive, and I'm finally doing better, but I've noticed it's noticeably more difficult to get by with less frequent therapy. How will I survive without my therapist?? These are all things I've discussed with my therapist, but the approach my my first deadline is making these thoughts race. I don't know what I want from this post. Maybe it's just a rant.",2,2,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you complete the application,,True,221 eiw174,Really need advice for my first plane ride,0,help-seeking,2,"I am having my first flight on the 8th! I am excited because I will be seeing one of my best friends, but it's 4AM and my heart is racing just thinking about getting on the plane by myself. I had a panic attack on a one hour train ride the other day, and had to ask the stranger next to me to talk to me and ""guide me"" through it, and I just felt like I looked like some tweaker because they didn't really even speak English and couldn't understand what I was afraid of. They were nice enough anyways, though, but I felt bad for even involving someone else. As always, it started with a subconscious thought, then led to my palms getting clammy, heart racing, choking feeling, numbness, violently shaking, hyperventilating, feeling like I have to get up and run/pace, etc. I was really convinced I'd die (I won't, I know, but panicking is like being stuck in a nightmare loop) Is there anything I can do to feel better on my plane ride? I've had people tell me to chew gum, watch a show or listen to music but I have a really difficult time pulling myself out of panic on my own. It's only two hours, so I am hoping it won't be so bad. I currently take Viibryd and Buspirone daily and have a prescription for Xanax as needed. Basically: How do I mentally prepare myself for my first ever solo plane ride? It's only two hours but I am scared someone will see me shaking or panicking if I do end up doing so and I'll get booted off of the plane or something. Should I take my Xanax right before the flight, during boarding? Any coping or grounding strategies you've found that have helped you shake the fear of imminent death and dread during an attack? I am usually good at keeping calm and grounding myself, but in enclosed and claustrophobic places, I find it to be a massive struggle. Thank you for taking the time to read & for whatever advice you may have. :)",kicsikucsi,1,0,4,2020-01-02 09:16:25,Anxiety,"I am having my first flight on the 8th! I am excited because I will be seeing one of my best friends, but it's 4AM and my heart is racing just thinking about getting on the plane by myself. I had a panic attack on a one hour train ride the other day, and had to ask the stranger next to me to talk to me and ""guide me"" through it, and I just felt like I looked like some tweaker because they didn't really even speak English and couldn't understand what I was afraid of. They were nice enough anyways, though, but I felt bad for even involving someone else. As always, it started with a subconscious thought, then led to my palms getting clammy, heart racing, choking feeling, numbness, violently shaking, hyperventilating, feeling like I have to get up and run/pace, etc. I was really convinced I'd die (I won't, I know, but panicking is like being stuck in a nightmare loop) Is there anything I can do to feel better on my plane ride? I've had people tell me to chew gum, watch a show or listen to music but I have a really difficult time pulling myself out of panic on my own. It's only two hours, so I am hoping it won't be so bad. I currently take Viibryd and Buspirone daily and have a prescription for Xanax as needed. Basically: How do I mentally prepare myself for my first ever solo plane ride? It's only two hours but I am scared someone will see me shaking or panicking if I do end up doing so and I'll get booted off of the plane or something. Should I take my Xanax right before the flight, during boarding? Any coping or grounding strategies you've found that have helped you shake the fear of imminent death and dread during an attack? I am usually good at keeping calm and grounding myself, but in enclosed and claustrophobic places, I find it to be a massive struggle. Thank you for taking the time to read & for whatever advice you may have. :)",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 enjlos,"My dad's anger and irritation is driving me mad, I can't focus on anything",1b,rant,1,"I'm 16 and he's 61. I am losing my fucking mind right now, I've made at least a 100 posts about this over the past 2 years. 1 month till my board exams and he has a problem with everything I'm doing. He basically hates seeing me on the computer, even though I'm doing some studying for my french exams, but he has a massive problem with that I don't know why. He goes around yelling, throwing things and banging doors. He has had a short temper his whole life, even with my brother when he was young. And it's rubbing off on me I guess. My mind is racing with negative thoughts, and I can't wait till I am able to move out, I literally want to stay as far away from him as possible, maybe because I'm angry or maybe because I'm sad I don't know. Whenever he's around I feel like I can't do anything I normally would.",_Nexius,1,0,5,2020-01-12 05:39:52,Anger,"My dad's anger and irritation is driving me mad, I can't focus on anything I'm 16 and he's 61. I am losing my fucking mind right now, I've made at least a 100 posts about this over the past 2 years. 1 month till my board exams and he has a problem with everything I'm doing. He basically hates seeing me on the computer, even though I'm doing some studying for my french exams, but he has a massive problem with that I don't know why. He goes around yelling, throwing things and banging doors. He has had a short temper his whole life, even with my brother when he was young. And it's rubbing off on me I guess. My mind is racing with negative thoughts, and I can't wait till I am able to move out, I literally want to stay as far away from him as possible, maybe because I'm angry or maybe because I'm sad I don't know. Whenever he's around I feel like I can't do anything I normally would.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unable to focus on anything aorund your dad,,True,220 ejbiqc,People who have gone from an Oxy/H addiction to using kratom.,0,chitchat,1,,canteatjustone,1,0,0,2020-01-03 06:27:55,OpiatesRecovery,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eivzaj,Dr Russel Barkleys spot on explanation of what ADHD actually means (14 minutes),0,chitchat,1,"Even if you watched this video before, I’d recommend to watch it again. It is ELI5, spot on and very motivational imo. Everyone best wishes for 2020! https://youtu.be/_tpB-B8BXk0",TifCiiD,1,0,37,2020-01-02 09:09:43,ADHD,"Even if you watched this video before, I’d recommend to watch it again. It is ELI5, spot on and very motivational imo. Everyone best wishes for 2020! https://youtu.be/_tpB-B8BXk0",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 ej7ys8,the smallest bit of affection,0,rant,1,"I feel like I'm slapped with full on happiness, love, warmth....ugh",candiedbiscuit,5,0,10,2020-01-03 01:31:53,BPD,"I feel like I'm slapped with full on happiness, love, warmth....ugh",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 ejdii1,The School will start again. Iam really scared.i want to Die but iam also too scared to do it.,1b,rant,1,"Iam 16m and i have social anxiety and dippression, the school will begin in few days And the same shit will happend again. Some people will start to bully me because iam alone in my class, I will Fell so unconfdient in my class because iam alone, in the break i have a few friends but in my class i dont, I really need help, I dont want to go to school and be bullied and alone, every day when iam in my class alone i think of suicide, why is this happining to me, its a New year, all the people are for it and iam just......",simon793,7,0,7,2020-01-03 10:11:01,socialanxiety,"Iam 16m and i have social anxiety and dippression, the school will begin in few days And the same shit will happend again. Some people will start to bully me because iam alone in my class, I will Fell so unconfdient in my class because iam alone, in the break i have a few friends but in my class i dont, I really need help, I dont want to go to school and be bullied and alone, every day when iam in my class alone i think of suicide, why is this happining to me, its a New year, all the people are for it and iam just......",2,2,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you overcome bullying and loneliness,,True,221 ejby90,Question for you guys...,1b,help-seeking,2,"Hi everyone, First of, happy new year to you guys. I have questions for this community, because I just learned that my girlfriend used to harm herself 7 or 8 years ago. She was not very specific about what she did (she was crying when she told me this), but from what I understood she used to cut herself and had an eating disorder, to the point where she had to spend almost a year in the hospital 7 years ago. I should mention that she doesn't have any scars, and is not too skinny, so I don't think she's doing these things anymore, but I'm scared that it might come back some day and I want to prevent this at all cost. I guess my question is just : Why did this happen and what can I do to make sure it never happens again ? Is she safe now, since she hasn't done it in 7 years ? Sorry if my post is a bit messy, I just love her very much and I need help because I'm ignorant on these issues... Thank you",Jeromeweinberggg,13,0,10,2020-01-03 07:10:37,selfharm,"Hi everyone, First of, happy new year to you guys. I have questions for this community, because I just learned that my girlfriend used to harm herself 7 or 8 years ago. She was not very specific about what she did (she was crying when she told me this), but from what I understood she used to cut herself and had an eating disorder, to the point where she had to spend almost a year in the hospital 7 years ago. I should mention that she doesn't have any scars, and is not too skinny, so I don't think she's doing these things anymore, but I'm scared that it might come back some day and I want to prevent this at all cost. I guess my question is just : Why did this happen and what can I do to make sure it never happens again ? Is she safe now, since she hasn't done it in 7 years ? Sorry if my post is a bit messy, I just love her very much and I need help because I'm ignorant on these issues... Thank you",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eidc18,A question about anxiety attacks,0,survey,1,"Does anyone else, before an anxiety attack, feel almost drunk? Like face heating up a little, a bit energetic, and lowered awareness before it shoots up to a thousand percent? I don’t know how else to explain it (Btw I’ve never actually gotten drunk bc underage but I feel like that’s what it’s like).",_pterodactylscreech_,1,0,2,2020-01-01 03:28:15,Anxiety,"Does anyone else, before an anxiety attack, feel almost drunk? Like face heating up a little, a bit energetic, and lowered awareness before it shoots up to a thousand percent? I don’t know how else to explain it (Btw I’ve never actually gotten drunk bc underage but I feel like that’s what it’s like).",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel like drunk before anxiety attack,,True,220 f3c00x,"She was abusive, but I still want her back?",1b,help-seeking,2,"I (M22) split finally with an abusive girlfriend (F21). The relationship wasn't all bad, they never are. It was a three year relationship. My ex was bad to me. She spat in my face, scratched me, punched me, kicked my car, told me I could never do better because she was attractive, etc. For some reason I saw this as just a very normal relationship instead of realising that it was bad and walking away. The breakup happened roughly two weeks ago on the Saturday (01/02/2020). On the following Sunday, Monday and Tuesday I asked for her back, to make things work, I was begging. On the Friday, I had enough and told her I would be sending my father around to collect my stuff. I blocked her Whatsapp and she did the same (and blocked me on everything else). My problem is this. I know she is no good for me, and the abuse is unacceptable. But why do I still wish for her back? She doesn't deserve me at all. The Satueday night I broke up with her, the morning she was begging and worrying I would. Then she just accepted it? What's is she going to do next? TL;DR abusive ex",Lord_Gains_10111,1,0,9,2020-02-13 15:56:41,domesticviolence,"I (M22) split finally with an abusive girlfriend (F21). The relationship wasn't all bad, they never are. It was a three year relationship. My ex was bad to me. She spat in my face, scratched me, punched me, kicked my car, told me I could never do better because she was attractive, etc. For some reason I saw this as just a very normal relationship instead of realising that it was bad and walking away. The breakup happened roughly two weeks ago on the Saturday (01/02/2020). On the following Sunday, Monday and Tuesday I asked for her back, to make things work, I was begging. On the Friday, I had enough and told her I would be sending my father around to collect my stuff. I blocked her Whatsapp and she did the same (and blocked me on everything else). My problem is this. I know she is no good for me, and the abuse is unacceptable. But why do I still wish for her back? She doesn't deserve me at all. The Satueday night I broke up with her, the morning she was begging and worrying I would. Then she just accepted it? What's is she going to do next? TL;DR abusive ex",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,your girlfriend abusing you,,,,True,202 ei9enf,I'm only 15,0,help-seeking,1,"Yes I'm 15 and I'm from Norway. I really just want to talk to someone I don't have a girlfriend obviously xD. I spend most of my time inside editing random photos or videos. Or using my camera. I'm very interested in photography and like heavy music. Also any tips on being better at social activities I'm very shy.",Kornelius45,1,0,6,2019-12-31 21:51:32,depression,Yes I'm 15 and I'm from Norway. I really just want to talk to someone I don't have a girlfriend obviously xD. I spend most of my time inside editing random photos or videos. Or using my camera. I'm very interested in photography and like heavy music. Also any tips on being better at social activities I'm very shy.,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 elbmiu,"I don’t know how to keep going to therapy, it’s too much for me",1b,rant,2,"I don’t know how to keep going to therapy, it’s too much for me. I don’t like thinking about or focusing on it. I just wanna forget and move on. I don’t wanna deal with all the stuff therapy brings up. This all started when I was 9, I think. It was only touching back then, and I didn’t really know what to think. I was 13 the first time he raped me. He was 50ish. I try not too, but I blame my parents. They put me right in his hands. I know they didn’t know, so they couldn’t have done anything, but I still blame them. It happened again and again. It only got worse. I was 15 the first time he tied me down cause I was fighting back. I was 16 when he allowed his friend to join in. I know I should’ve said something, told someone sooner, but I was too scared, too ashamed. I felt worthless. I went to the police when I turned 17. I knew that this would not end till I was dead. Either I would kill myself or he would save me the trouble. They told my parents. My mum supported me from the shadows. My dad was pissed, he’s been accused of rape before(I don’t know what the outcome was, they don’t talk about it). He thought I was lying. His friend wouldn’t do that. At the very least I had lead him on. That broke me, I’d never felt so alone in my life. I decided not to continue with case, it would break me beyond repair. I had no support and I knew I would kill myself, that would’ve been the easy way out. I moved out before I turned 18, I couldn’t face my parents anymore, it hurt too much. I have very little contact with them now. The Police told me to go to my doctor and organise to see a therapist straight away. Me been the stupid idiot said yeah sure and waited nearly 3 years before going to see one. I thought I was fine, I thought I was in control of my life and body. I got into partying and drinking at 14. It was my way of coping, I treated sex and stuff like that with no emotion. I had to pretend that it was just a thing that happened, but never meant anything. If I told myself sex meant nothing, it meant I could pretend all that abuse wasn’t happening. I could pretend it wasn’t any different to the boy I would get with at a party. I got a boyfriend after I moved out and he saved me to be honest. I told him everything and he didn’t leave me. He stayed right beside me, supported me and loved me like no one ever had. It wasn’t easy but we never gave up and always worked out our issues. We even have a healthy sex life, which I didn’t think would be possible. But I still had nightmares, and low moods every now and again, and the PTSD was starting to make its self known. He got me into therapy, at first it was fine. Just paperwork and questions about how your feeling. But today we started getting really into the therapy. And it’s hard. It brings up so many unwanted memories, and reality that I don’t wanna have to deal with. It’s too much and I don’t think that I’m going to cope. My boyfriend has been amazing and is trying his best to make it easier and support me, but I’m terrified. I don’t wanna let him down",Itsahumanthing,1,0,7,2020-01-07 13:35:22,rapecounseling,"I don’t know how to keep going to therapy, it’s too much for me. I don’t like thinking about or focusing on it. I just wanna forget and move on. I don’t wanna deal with all the stuff therapy brings up. This all started when I was 9, I think. It was only touching back then, and I didn’t really know what to think. I was 13 the first time he raped me. He was 50ish. I try not too, but I blame my parents. They put me right in his hands. I know they didn’t know, so they couldn’t have done anything, but I still blame them. It happened again and again. It only got worse. I was 15 the first time he tied me down cause I was fighting back. I was 16 when he allowed his friend to join in. I know I should’ve said something, told someone sooner, but I was too scared, too ashamed. I felt worthless. I went to the police when I turned 17. I knew that this would not end till I was dead. Either I would kill myself or he would save me the trouble. They told my parents. My mum supported me from the shadows. My dad was pissed, he’s been accused of rape before(I don’t know what the outcome was, they don’t talk about it). He thought I was lying. His friend wouldn’t do that. At the very least I had lead him on. That broke me, I’d never felt so alone in my life. I decided not to continue with case, it would break me beyond repair. I had no support and I knew I would kill myself, that would’ve been the easy way out. I moved out before I turned 18, I couldn’t face my parents anymore, it hurt too much. I have very little contact with them now. The Police told me to go to my doctor and organise to see a therapist straight away. Me been the stupid idiot said yeah sure and waited nearly 3 years before going to see one. I thought I was fine, I thought I was in control of my life and body. I got into partying and drinking at 14. It was my way of coping, I treated sex and stuff like that with no emotion. I had to pretend that it was just a thing that happened, but never meant anything. If I told myself sex meant nothing, it meant I could pretend all that abuse wasn’t happening. I could pretend it wasn’t any different to the boy I would get with at a party. I got a boyfriend after I moved out and he saved me to be honest. I told him everything and he didn’t leave me. He stayed right beside me, supported me and loved me like no one ever had. It wasn’t easy but we never gave up and always worked out our issues. We even have a healthy sex life, which I didn’t think would be possible. But I still had nightmares, and low moods every now and again, and the PTSD was starting to make its self known. He got me into therapy, at first it was fine. Just paperwork and questions about how your feeling. But today we started getting really into the therapy. And it’s hard. It brings up so many unwanted memories, and reality that I don’t wanna have to deal with. It’s too much and I don’t think that I’m going to cope. My boyfriend has been amazing and is trying his best to make it easier and support me, but I’m terrified. I don’t wanna let him down",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you move on from the trauma,,True,221 ei80s7,Going into 2020 like,1a,rant,1,"Fuck it, I feel down dude. My 4 Four and a half year relationship ended just before Xmas, I had the flu for Xmas so couldn't enjoy it. I feel like I'm failing my job and will be fired for the second time in a year so I don't feel good at anything. I feel worn down by everything. The last time I experienced true happiness was seeing a band I like in 2018 where I legitimately cried as it was one of those ""This is just what I needed"" moments. How was my decade in review? Well my already non existent, overly negative social skills have only deteriorated even further and feel like it's too late to change. What the fuck like. Fuck being negative, but I can't get it to leave. Thank you for listening to my ted talk.",Cyberpunk_Banshee,2,0,1,2019-12-31 20:02:32,depression,"Fuck it, I feel down dude. My 4 Four and a half year relationship ended just before Xmas, I had the flu for Xmas so couldn't enjoy it. I feel like I'm failing my job and will be fired for the second time in a year so I don't feel good at anything. I feel worn down by everything. The last time I experienced true happiness was seeing a band I like in 2018 where I legitimately cried as it was one of those ""This is just what I needed"" moments. How was my decade in review? Well my already non existent, overly negative social skills have only deteriorated even further and feel like it's too late to change. What the fuck like. Fuck being negative, but I can't get it to leave. Thank you for listening to my ted talk.",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your relationship,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel word down with everything,,True,120 ej5r89,Help,0,help-seeking,1,"I bled through my pants without realising. How do I get dried blood out????",SpideryCross22,1,0,2,2020-01-02 22:48:20,selfharm,I bled through my pants without realising. How do I get dried blood out????,1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why did you cut yourself,How did X make you feel?,all the bleeding,,,,True,102 eiiv4b,It's never good enough,1a,rant,1,"I did it the past 2 nights and it's just not enough. It's not bad enough. I'm upset that I didnt do as much damage as I could have. I want to do it again but I dont want to fall back into this. I was doing so well for so long, but I have this overwhelming need to make them better. I'm so frustrated and sad and upset with myself. It's never good enough. It's never enough for me. I hate it. I hate myself for it.",throwaway1387999,1,0,0,2020-01-01 14:28:58,selfharm,"I did it the past 2 nights and it's just not enough. It's not bad enough. I'm upset that I didnt do as much damage as I could have. I want to do it again but I dont want to fall back into this. I was doing so well for so long, but I have this overwhelming need to make them better. I'm so frustrated and sad and upset with myself. It's never good enough. It's never enough for me. I hate it. I hate myself for it.",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you cut yourself,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are frustrated and upset with yourself,,True,120 erw3p5,About to graduate college,1a,help-seeking,1,"I feel so lost and confused now. I'm just about to graduate college and I feel so anxious about not being a student anymore. I feel like I don't have any of the necessary skills needed to get me a job and start a good life. I was a great student sure but fuck I don't know what to do anymore after that. Context: I live in the Philippines and am migrating to the United States right after I finish. I'll have my family with me for sure but aside from that, I'm all alone. I love my family but we really don't get along too well. I'll have no friends with me and while I have made some connections in the Philippines they're all useless abroad. Every night I get anxious thinking about the future. Will I get a good-paying job, will I make friends? There are times at night when I think just ending it all and killing myself will be the best road. I tried it already before but I couldn't muster up any courage (I'm a pussy lol). I just wanted to ask for tips or a story that can give me ideas on what to do.",poundcake103,1,0,3,2020-01-21 15:27:06,selfhelp,"I feel so lost and confused now. I'm just about to graduate college and I feel so anxious about not being a student anymore. I feel like I don't have any of the necessary skills needed to get me a job and start a good life. I was a great student sure but fuck I don't know what to do anymore after that. Context: I live in the Philippines and am migrating to the United States right after I finish. I'll have my family with me for sure but aside from that, I'm all alone. I love my family but we really don't get along too well. I'll have no friends with me and while I have made some connections in the Philippines they're all useless abroad. Every night I get anxious thinking about the future. Will I get a good-paying job, will I make friends? There are times at night when I think just ending it all and killing myself will be the best road. I tried it already before but I couldn't muster up any courage (I'm a pussy lol). I just wanted to ask for tips or a story that can give me ideas on what to do.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ekbsvm,The no strings friend,0,rant,1,"Anyone ever had that friend you could actually be yourself with. Like no restraints on what you say and do. I’m a fairly shy guy. At school, Every friend I have ever had, even close friends have only ever known me to be a disciplined, kind, happy person. There were only two lads that I didn’t have to mask. They both knew how much of a sad, nerdy, risky kid I was, and they knew what made me shy and just went with it. They weren’t jerks even though they sometimes looked like it and helped a lot of people in unorthodox ways. They also looked up to my kindness. Sadly, one lad OD'd and the other hurt himself drinking and went up north to another school. I haven’t touched drugs or alcohol at all in my life and after losing both of my mates I will keep it that way. I really miss those two lads.",Cold-Teal,3,0,3,2020-01-05 11:18:14,sad,"Anyone ever had that friend you could actually be yourself with. Like no restraints on what you say and do. I’m a fairly shy guy. At school, Every friend I have ever had, even close friends have only ever known me to be a disciplined, kind, happy person. There were only two lads that I didn’t have to mask. They both knew how much of a sad, nerdy, risky kid I was, and they knew what made me shy and just went with it. They weren’t jerks even though they sometimes looked like it and helped a lot of people in unorthodox ways. They also looked up to my kindness. Sadly, one lad OD'd and the other hurt himself drinking and went up north to another school. I haven’t touched drugs or alcohol at all in my life and after losing both of my mates I will keep it that way. I really miss those two lads.",2,1,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about your friends drug abuse,What do you need help with now that X?,you miss your friends,,True,210 envf07,I give up.,1a,rant,4,,xtx777xtx,1,0,10,2020-01-12 23:24:27,alcoholicsanonymous,I give up. nan,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you gave up,How did X make you feel?,giving up,What do you need help with now that X?,you gave up,,True,100 elnjq0,Iraq 2003 and Iran 2020,0,rant,1,"The news of the attack this evening is overwhelming me with depression and anxiety. I was in Baghdad back in 03 and i was lucky to get out of the Army with only one tour. Diagnosed with depression a year out and PTSD four years later. Its been 17 years since we drove from Kuwait to Baghdad, but this attack by Iran has all of my senses heightened. I see the shrinks at VA and its helped me understand what threats are worth being concerned about and which one's arent while being state side. I am so worried that the last 11 weeks of my visits with the VA shrink will have been all for nothing. I am so tired of being so overly aware and cautious of things most people dont give a 2nd thought to. Its no way to live.",KingOfKorners,1,0,26,2020-01-08 04:19:12,ptsd,"The news of the attack this evening is overwhelming me with depression and anxiety. I was in Baghdad back in 03 and i was lucky to get out of the Army with only one tour. Diagnosed with depression a year out and PTSD four years later. Its been 17 years since we drove from Kuwait to Baghdad, but this attack by Iran has all of my senses heightened. I see the shrinks at VA and its helped me understand what threats are worth being concerned about and which one's arent while being state side. I am so worried that the last 11 weeks of my visits with the VA shrink will have been all for nothing. I am so tired of being so overly aware and cautious of things most people dont give a 2nd thought to. Its no way to live.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are hyper aware of everything around you,,True,220 eoemtj,The Mind of an Addict- Feedback?,0,chitchat,4,"I'm a recovering addict and have recently rediscovered my passion for writing have been coming up with some random writings...I'm also self-conscious and unsure of my writing, but would like feedback! Lol feedback can be either about the subject or the writing itself...kthx guys <3 ****** The mind of an addict…Let me start off by saying, more is always more and for true addicts, more is never enough. We don't always understand why and in fact we are left more baffled and frustrated than even those who love us. It's a tricky thing- loving an addict. Often times, people can see the flickering light within us that we ourselves have lost sight of. In truth, the love from others can be the only thing keeping us from jumping fully off the cliff; sometimes, in the most tragic of happenings for any addict, it isn't enough. You see, there tends to be this preconceived notion that we intentionally want to bring others harm and honestly, that is very rarely the case. We are a hurting group of people trying to make life a little bit more bearable for even just a few hours...minutes, even seconds. Our addictions, regardless of our drug of choice, tend to become our happy-joy medication. You rarely hear an addict in the midst of full-blown addiction actually enjoying their drunk or high, rather we use simply to feel normal. Not facing crippling anxiety, deep depression, suicidal idealizations or being dope-sick...that becomes the goal. Somehow in life's process, we missed the bus when it comes to coping skills or managing either our psychological or physiological pain; Happiness in general becomes such a foreign concept. For me, I never understood even the most basic concepts of happiness. I never could understand or wrap my head around why people actually wanted to live. To me, life was a punishment that I tired of being subjected to. I wanted to die, plain and simple. I had no dreams or goals and the brief moments of satisfaction I did find were when I had a bottle, pill or needle in hand. What's worse, I had been convinced that that's how the rest of my life would be. Somehow in the chaotic mess that was my existence, there were those who continued to stand by me. It took the unconditional love of people who knew me -who really knew me- that saw past the tough, wall of a facade that was my only way of truly protecting me. Through all of the trauma that I had endured throughout my lifetime, it was recognized by loving and open-minded people that I sought only to nurse my wounds, fooling even myself that it was something I enjoyed…something that I needed, convincing myself I was having fun. None of these things were even remotely true and it was the resiliency in their efforts to love me through the nightmare I found myself in that finally broke through and touched my soul. I am one of the fortunate ones. Unfortunately, the depths of our addictions take us to often lead to bridges burned beyond repair. Then, the guilt and shame stemming from our mangled, devastated relationships fuel our need to numb out and punish ourselves, driving us to use again and again- anything to escape the pain of how truly fucked we've become. Surely, to most, it sounds like madness. Why else would we be drawn into such an obsession that we would praise our drugs from the mountain tops, even as we tumble from the peak? Broken and bruised, bloodied- forever finding ourselves baffled by the unrelenting, inexplicable and all-consuming desire to seek out our addictions time and time again. No one wakes up wanting to be an addict. It's not a ""step-up"" ambition of any kind; it is a fall. A fall we come to love simply because it's what we know and what we eventually come to feel that we deserve. Even once the drink and drug leaves our system and we are no longer physically dependent on them, there's still the mess between our ears that we must face. And really, we're all dealing with that very same mess in some way; drug addictions may not even be your vice. Maybe it's relationships you seek out, finding yourself co-dependent with the wrong person over and over. Maybe it's food that brings you comfort when stress seems to wear you thin and you just need some kind of relief. Or, you're one of the millions of people suffering from depression and other mental illness that warp your mind into believing terrible things about yourself and the world around you. Mental health does not discriminate, nor does addiction. The varying demographics of either or make clear several pertinent ideas: 1. We are all trudging through life, some moving faster and others moving more slowly. 2. We are all striving for an acceptable level of happiness and a satisfying quality of life. 3. We don't always have a clue as to what the hell we're doing and we're figuring life out one day, one experience at a time. We are not bad people- or at least we don't intend to be. Of course selfish intent can be found in anything and especially in active addiction, we are a sick people. However, it is in these moments of pain and struggle that we find the gratifying opportunity of change and the long lost hope for which we've sorely been lacking, and desperately searching. But above all else, we are a strong people. There is a daily battle that each and every person in this world must face in their own way and though we're often completely ignorant of the very strength of our fortitude, we strive to rise and meet each day with humility and gratitude. We must learn to rely on hope and reckless optimism, brazenly fighting to be better than we were yesterday, all the while cherishing each sober breath we draw. Each aesthetic moment of genuine hope pulls us a little further away from the toxicity of our own self-hatred and brings us closer to the chance at living a quality of life that's only ever existed in our dreams. By making amends to those we have harmed, as well as ourselves, we are able to grow and transition from a life of bland existence to truly thriving among passions. We are fortunate in terms of insight and can see our fellows who may stumble across our paths- those who have come to know their own personal sufferings. In our pain, we gain the ability to empathize with the hurting and offer them acceptance, love and a hope that is recognizable by our own triumphs. We are one people, as human beings, with different pains that we learn to cope with in different ways. Let our stories speak to the souls of the broken and surround them with the truth wrought by the evidence of even our smallest successes. May we rise, together, unified...healthy. Connected. C.A.O'Neill 2019",c_oneill619,1,0,12,2020-01-14 02:18:17,addiction,"I'm a recovering addict and have recently rediscovered my passion for writing have been coming up with some random writings...I'm also self-conscious and unsure of my writing, but would like feedback! Lol feedback can be either about the subject or the writing itself...kthx guys <3 ****** The mind of an addict…Let me start off by saying, more is always more and for true addicts, more is never enough. We don't always understand why and in fact we are left more baffled and frustrated than even those who love us. It's a tricky thing- loving an addict. Often times, people can see the flickering light within us that we ourselves have lost sight of. In truth, the love from others can be the only thing keeping us from jumping fully off the cliff; sometimes, in the most tragic of happenings for any addict, it isn't enough. You see, there tends to be this preconceived notion that we intentionally want to bring others harm and honestly, that is very rarely the case. We are a hurting group of people trying to make life a little bit more bearable for even just a few hours...minutes, even seconds. Our addictions, regardless of our drug of choice, tend to become our happy-joy medication. You rarely hear an addict in the midst of full-blown addiction actually enjoying their drunk or high, rather we use simply to feel normal. Not facing crippling anxiety, deep depression, suicidal idealizations or being dope-sick...that becomes the goal. Somehow in life's process, we missed the bus when it comes to coping skills or managing either our psychological or physiological pain; Happiness in general becomes such a foreign concept. For me, I never understood even the most basic concepts of happiness. I never could understand or wrap my head around why people actually wanted to live. To me, life was a punishment that I tired of being subjected to. I wanted to die, plain and simple. I had no dreams or goals and the brief moments of satisfaction I did find were when I had a bottle, pill or needle in hand. What's worse, I had been convinced that that's how the rest of my life would be. Somehow in the chaotic mess that was my existence, there were those who continued to stand by me. It took the unconditional love of people who knew me -who really knew me- that saw past the tough, wall of a facade that was my only way of truly protecting me. Through all of the trauma that I had endured throughout my lifetime, it was recognized by loving and open-minded people that I sought only to nurse my wounds, fooling even myself that it was something I enjoyed…something that I needed, convincing myself I was having fun. None of these things were even remotely true and it was the resiliency in their efforts to love me through the nightmare I found myself in that finally broke through and touched my soul. I am one of the fortunate ones. Unfortunately, the depths of our addictions take us to often lead to bridges burned beyond repair. Then, the guilt and shame stemming from our mangled, devastated relationships fuel our need to numb out and punish ourselves, driving us to use again and again- anything to escape the pain of how truly fucked we've become. Surely, to most, it sounds like madness. Why else would we be drawn into such an obsession that we would praise our drugs from the mountain tops, even as we tumble from the peak? Broken and bruised, bloodied- forever finding ourselves baffled by the unrelenting, inexplicable and all-consuming desire to seek out our addictions time and time again. No one wakes up wanting to be an addict. It's not a ""step-up"" ambition of any kind; it is a fall. A fall we come to love simply because it's what we know and what we eventually come to feel that we deserve. Even once the drink and drug leaves our system and we are no longer physically dependent on them, there's still the mess between our ears that we must face. And really, we're all dealing with that very same mess in some way; drug addictions may not even be your vice. Maybe it's relationships you seek out, finding yourself co-dependent with the wrong person over and over. Maybe it's food that brings you comfort when stress seems to wear you thin and you just need some kind of relief. Or, you're one of the millions of people suffering from depression and other mental illness that warp your mind into believing terrible things about yourself and the world around you. Mental health does not discriminate, nor does addiction. The varying demographics of either or make clear several pertinent ideas: 1. We are all trudging through life, some moving faster and others moving more slowly. 2. We are all striving for an acceptable level of happiness and a satisfying quality of life. 3. We don't always have a clue as to what the hell we're doing and we're figuring life out one day, one experience at a time. We are not bad people- or at least we don't intend to be. Of course selfish intent can be found in anything and especially in active addiction, we are a sick people. However, it is in these moments of pain and struggle that we find the gratifying opportunity of change and the long lost hope for which we've sorely been lacking, and desperately searching. But above all else, we are a strong people. There is a daily battle that each and every person in this world must face in their own way and though we're often completely ignorant of the very strength of our fortitude, we strive to rise and meet each day with humility and gratitude. We must learn to rely on hope and reckless optimism, brazenly fighting to be better than we were yesterday, all the while cherishing each sober breath we draw. Each aesthetic moment of genuine hope pulls us a little further away from the toxicity of our own self-hatred and brings us closer to the chance at living a quality of life that's only ever existed in our dreams. By making amends to those we have harmed, as well as ourselves, we are able to grow and transition from a life of bland existence to truly thriving among passions. We are fortunate in terms of insight and can see our fellows who may stumble across our paths- those who have come to know their own personal sufferings. In our pain, we gain the ability to empathize with the hurting and offer them acceptance, love and a hope that is recognizable by our own triumphs. We are one people, as human beings, with different pains that we learn to cope with in different ways. Let our stories speak to the souls of the broken and surround them with the truth wrought by the evidence of even our smallest successes. May we rise, together, unified...healthy. Connected. C.A.O'Neill 2019",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 elghj0,"Help me help him, please",1b,help-seeking,1,"My boyfriend definitely has PTSD. He refuses treatment, saying “I know I should ‘talk about it’ but that doesn’t help me get over it. It just reinforces what I should have done better.’ He drinks heavily to cope with the burdens of his memories. I want him to take a path of healing so that our relationship can survive (I can’t even live in the same house as alcohol) but I can’t force a horse to drink the water I know is good for it. We’ve talked about therapy and AA and other things, but I don’t think I’ve brought it to him in a way that has clicked yet, in a way he believes will work. He’s too special for me to walk away, and i refuse lose him to experiences and memories that threaten to drown him. It’s not his fault he’s suffering, but I don’t know how to help or what resources to give him so he can help himself. Thanks in advance.",words-for-blood,1,0,13,2020-01-07 19:39:46,ptsd,"My boyfriend definitely has PTSD. He refuses treatment, saying “I know I should ‘talk about it’ but that doesn’t help me get over it. It just reinforces what I should have done better.’ He drinks heavily to cope with the burdens of his memories. I want him to take a path of healing so that our relationship can survive (I can’t even live in the same house as alcohol) but I can’t force a horse to drink the water I know is good for it. We’ve talked about therapy and AA and other things, but I don’t think I’ve brought it to him in a way that has clicked yet, in a way he believes will work. He’s too special for me to walk away, and i refuse lose him to experiences and memories that threaten to drown him. It’s not his fault he’s suffering, but I don’t know how to help or what resources to give him so he can help himself. Thanks in advance.",2,0,1,,,How did X make you feel?,your boyfriend drinking to cope with his PTSD,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help your boyfriend deal with his PTSD,,True,201 eislgu,Advice on how to bring up ADHD as an adult to your Psychiatrist/ologist?,0,help-seeking,2,"I'm 26 and have had issues with attention and memory for years, I am diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and General Anxiety. As my depression and anxiety have gotten worse over the years and trying to find the right medication to treat those symptoms, I find myself unable to keep up with school work and forget to do basic things. I struggle deeply with motivation and sleep. My psychologist has hinted at attention and focus being an issue but I'm afraid of bringing it up more to her and my psychiatrist. I have a fear of looking like I'm trying to push for ADHD medications... which I mean I kind of am because I'm desperate and would like to know what would help me. But being in college it's so common to see people selling their prescriptions to other people and I guess it's left a bad taste in my mouth. Any advice? Especially if any of you were diagnosed as adults?",whutwhot,1,0,5,2020-01-02 03:28:35,ADHD,"I'm 26 and have had issues with attention and memory for years, I am diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and General Anxiety. As my depression and anxiety have gotten worse over the years and trying to find the right medication to treat those symptoms, I find myself unable to keep up with school work and forget to do basic things. I struggle deeply with motivation and sleep. My psychologist has hinted at attention and focus being an issue but I'm afraid of bringing it up more to her and my psychiatrist. I have a fear of looking like I'm trying to push for ADHD medications... which I mean I kind of am because I'm desperate and would like to know what would help me. But being in college it's so common to see people selling their prescriptions to other people and I guess it's left a bad taste in my mouth. Any advice? Especially if any of you were diagnosed as adults?",2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how depression and anxiety make you feel,,,,True,212 exbiz2,I think now would be a good time to leave.,1c,rant,1,I've hurt my hand from punching the wall repeatedly. Most of my knuckles are bruised. I'm just going to go for a walk to get away from these idiots.,AMonsterMask,1,0,2,2020-02-01 19:49:37,Anger,I've hurt my hand from punching the wall repeatedly. Most of my knuckles are bruised. I'm just going to go for a walk to get away from these idiots.,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you were punching the wall,How did X make you feel?,the incident,What do you need help with now that X?,you hurt your hand punching the wall,,True,100 ek7oac,I know I’m not special,0,rant,1,"I let myself get hurt by you. I let myself believe everything you tell me. I let my walls down, I let you tell me sweet things like “you’re the best baby girl” and “you make me smile more than anything” on our late night calls. It hurts because I love it so much. It hurts because I know you must say it to everyone. It hurts because I know I’m not special. I can hear you typing between the dirty words. I can hear you typing between the sweet ones. I know I’ll never be the kind of person you want... so why tell me night after night that I am. I know I’m not your only, but I let myself get swept up in your fantasy world in which only you and I exist. I let myself believe your words because they feel good enough to drown out the rest of the pain. At least for a little while.",-Depresso-Expresso-,2,0,0,2020-01-05 03:57:37,sad,"I let myself get hurt by you. I let myself believe everything you tell me. I let my walls down, I let you tell me sweet things like “you’re the best baby girl” and “you make me smile more than anything” on our late night calls. It hurts because I love it so much. It hurts because I know you must say it to everyone. It hurts because I know I’m not special. I can hear you typing between the dirty words. I can hear you typing between the sweet ones. I know I’ll never be the kind of person you want... so why tell me night after night that I am. I know I’m not your only, but I let myself get swept up in your fantasy world in which only you and I exist. I let myself believe your words because they feel good enough to drown out the rest of the pain. At least for a little while.",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,who hurt you,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel sad and hurt,,True,120 el4sda,I feel sad and unsure of myself,1a,rant,2,"I’m 12 days sober and this is my first go with recovery unless you count trying to do it alone. I have been going to meetings every day. Mostly at a clubhouse up the street from me with great meetings where I feel comfortable but it skews much older (I’m 23). Last friday I was invited to a young people’s meeting downtown at someone’s home and it was cool but I felt so anxious and uncomfortable in my skin the whole time. I wanted to drink more in that hour than any other time up to that point (stayed strong though and got through it). I wasn’t used to being around people my age and they were all laughing and joking but I couldn’t relax and I just wanted to curl into a ball in my bed. Well anyways someone I met there invited to take me to a different YP meeting on Monday (today). He picked me up and he was really chill and easy to talk to. We got there and there was sooooo many people there it was crazy. Mostly all around my age. Lots of beautiful women which made me bitter I have to stay sober AND single. But anyways I felt the same as I did at the other meeting - withdrawn, anxious, even paranoid, and strangely insecure. I made it through the hour but it went a bit over and I felt a panic attack coming on so I went out to smoke and calm down. Nobody talked to me when people started coming out (yes i could have initiated but I was emotionally fucked up and would have appreciated someone reaching out). My buddy that took me came out and asked if I wanted to be introduced to more people or go home and I said yeah let’s just go. We talked about it and he said I have no reason to be disappointed but I really hate myself right now. Everyone seemed to know each other and were joking and laughing and I just wanted to get fucked up and die. I’m so sad. Also I don’t think me and my sponsor are working out so I have to have the talk with him and look for a new one. I’m sorry for the wall of text I’m on mobile and just needed to get it out. Thanks. I will stay sober today.",WeAreAlreadyInHell,1,0,4,2020-01-07 02:31:02,alcoholicsanonymous,"I’m 12 days sober and this is my first go with recovery unless you count trying to do it alone. I have been going to meetings every day. Mostly at a clubhouse up the street from me with great meetings where I feel comfortable but it skews much older (I’m 23). Last friday I was invited to a young people’s meeting downtown at someone’s home and it was cool but I felt so anxious and uncomfortable in my skin the whole time. I wanted to drink more in that hour than any other time up to that point (stayed strong though and got through it). I wasn’t used to being around people my age and they were all laughing and joking but I couldn’t relax and I just wanted to curl into a ball in my bed. Well anyways someone I met there invited to take me to a different YP meeting on Monday (today). He picked me up and he was really chill and easy to talk to. We got there and there was sooooo many people there it was crazy. Mostly all around my age. Lots of beautiful women which made me bitter I have to stay sober AND single. But anyways I felt the same as I did at the other meeting - withdrawn, anxious, even paranoid, and strangely insecure. I made it through the hour but it went a bit over and I felt a panic attack coming on so I went out to smoke and calm down. Nobody talked to me when people started coming out (yes i could have initiated but I was emotionally fucked up and would have appreciated someone reaching out). My buddy that took me came out and asked if I wanted to be introduced to more people or go home and I said yeah let’s just go. We talked about it and he said I have no reason to be disappointed but I really hate myself right now. Everyone seemed to know each other and were joking and laughing and I just wanted to get fucked up and die. I’m so sad. Also I don’t think me and my sponsor are working out so I have to have the talk with him and look for a new one. I’m sorry for the wall of text I’m on mobile and just needed to get it out. Thanks. I will stay sober today.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you not feel insecure,,True,221 eidf42,Happy New Years🙃,0,chitchat,4,,KikilooRose,1,0,1,2020-01-01 03:36:49,socialanxiety,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 fag97z,Trying to fix my sleep schedule,0,help-seeking,1,"Struggling with severe suicidal depression. Meds not working, therapy ain't helping me. So now I'm getting 3 hrs of horrible unrefreshing sleep (while spending 12 hours in bed). My next step is to do sleep restriction therapy. Go to bed only when I'm tired and getting up at 8 am with a loud a** alarm. Wondering if anyone else has attempted the same thing.",vmoney40,1,0,8,2020-02-27 18:15:24,getting_over_it,"Struggling with severe suicidal depression. Meds not working, therapy ain't helping me. So now I'm getting 3 hrs of horrible unrefreshing sleep (while spending 12 hours in bed). My next step is to do sleep restriction therapy. Go to bed only when I'm tired and getting up at 8 am with a loud a** alarm. Wondering if anyone else has attempted the same thing.",1,1,1,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what caused the depression,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how your new sleeping routine make you feel,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you get better sleep,,True,111 emw5uk,Triggered by feeling full?,1a,rant,1,"For some reason, my ptsd gets triggered whenever I eat food quickly/to the point of feeling full. I don’t understand, as my ptsd is from a sexual assault and had absolutely nothing to do with food. I wasn’t even feeling full when it happened. It just seems completely arbitrary and I hate it! I’ve never had issues with food and don’t feel anxiety when I start eating....it’s purely from feeling full. Obviously I don’t want to limit the amount that I eat to avoid this (I have a very high metabolism and struggle to keep weight on as it is), but I also hate feeling that way!!!",seh0595,1,0,2,2020-01-10 19:51:18,ptsd,"For some reason, my ptsd gets triggered whenever I eat food quickly/to the point of feeling full. I don’t understand, as my ptsd is from a sexual assault and had absolutely nothing to do with food. I wasn’t even feeling full when it happened. It just seems completely arbitrary and I hate it! I’ve never had issues with food and don’t feel anxiety when I start eating....it’s purely from feeling full. Obviously I don’t want to limit the amount that I eat to avoid this (I have a very high metabolism and struggle to keep weight on as it is), but I also hate feeling that way!!!",2,1,0,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how your ptsd makes you feel,What do you need help with now that X?,you get triggered by eating too much food,,True,210 ekr9i2,I’m addicted to JUUL,1a,help-seeking,1,"I know this is somewhat insignificant now that I’m reading the others who are addicted to hard drugs, but I’ve recently realized I’ve become increasingly addicted to my JUUL and it scares me. I’m only 18 but I use it all the time, even at work. Everyone around me has some form of a JUUL or vape, whether it’s the loon pods or a huge rig. I know I need to quit because it’s starting to hurt my throat and chest when I rip it but I can’t seem to stop no matter what I do. I’ve talked to my boyfriend about quitting too but he doesn’t want to, and since we live together I know that it’s going to be even harder to quit when it’s still in the house. Does anyone have any tips to help fight addiction? I really need some help here.",bellakatb,1,0,14,2020-01-06 08:30:02,addiction,"I know this is somewhat insignificant now that I’m reading the others who are addicted to hard drugs, but I’ve recently realized I’ve become increasingly addicted to my JUUL and it scares me. I’m only 18 but I use it all the time, even at work. Everyone around me has some form of a JUUL or vape, whether it’s the loon pods or a huge rig. I know I need to quit because it’s starting to hurt my throat and chest when I rip it but I can’t seem to stop no matter what I do. I’ve talked to my boyfriend about quitting too but he doesn’t want to, and since we live together I know that it’s going to be even harder to quit when it’s still in the house. Does anyone have any tips to help fight addiction? I really need some help here.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eqrqw8,"Idk if it's against the rules but is anyone in the dfw, tx area, who's willing to go to a meeting with me?",1a,help-seeking,1,"I need and want to go to a meeting. Im too scared to go by myself. If this is against the rules, I'm sorry. Delete it. If not, anyone willing that's close, message me.",guessit239,1,0,9,2020-01-19 04:25:23,alcoholicsanonymous,"Idk if it's against the rules but is anyone in the dfw, tx area, who's willing to go to a meeting with me? I need and want to go to a meeting. Im too scared to go by myself. If this is against the rules, I'm sorry. Delete it. If not, anyone willing that's close, message me.",0,2,2,What made you feel X ?,scared to go the meeting alone,,,,,,True,022 eiuvqy,Need help getting through change.,0,help-seeking,2,"Hello reddit! This is a long one so I'll include a tldr at the bottem. I am struggling to take the steps I need to as a responsible adult and I'm hoping for some advice. I have been battling depression/anxiety after a automotive accident (01/26/19) left me partially blind and very photosensitive. I lost alot over the last 12 months, including money, friends and a stable places to live(I'm okay currently). All of this leaves me feeling scared, useless and at times suicidal. I rushed my therapy and I returned to work for 4 months till I was taken back out because of my symptoms. All my doctor are advicing I quit for my health sake. I've been employed at this job for years and have recently been promoted. However, I won't lie, I've been thinking of leaving over many occurrences. I am currently on a unpaid LOA and I want to leave on a good note with a letter of resignation but I'm scared to even type it without a plan B. I'm struggling to find a new job in my area (I am unable to drive far distance due to my vision). I sit here thinking how I have to leave my current job, rejoin the job hunting field and keep myself afloat. I was without work before for 7 months, I know who I cant rely on and who would just leave me in the dust; my options for support are very, very thin. I'm ashamed to even be typing this and feel pathetic that I can't figure it out on my own but does anyone have advice to share? Any advice about job hunting, calling future employers (making phonecalls is a trigger of mine) or leaving a place of employment? Anything will help and be appreciated. Tldr: my anxiety is keeping me from leaving my current job and finding a new one after a car accident left me with a visual disability.",RedDogue,1,0,0,2020-01-02 06:59:38,Anxiety,"Hello reddit! This is a long one so I'll include a tldr at the bottem. I am struggling to take the steps I need to as a responsible adult and I'm hoping for some advice. I have been battling depression/anxiety after a automotive accident (01/26/19) left me partially blind and very photosensitive. I lost alot over the last 12 months, including money, friends and a stable places to live(I'm okay currently). All of this leaves me feeling scared, useless and at times suicidal. I rushed my therapy and I returned to work for 4 months till I was taken back out because of my symptoms. All my doctor are advicing I quit for my health sake. I've been employed at this job for years and have recently been promoted. However, I won't lie, I've been thinking of leaving over many occurrences. I am currently on a unpaid LOA and I want to leave on a good note with a letter of resignation but I'm scared to even type it without a plan B. I'm struggling to find a new job in my area (I am unable to drive far distance due to my vision). I sit here thinking how I have to leave my current job, rejoin the job hunting field and keep myself afloat. I was without work before for 7 months, I know who I cant rely on and who would just leave me in the dust; my options for support are very, very thin. I'm ashamed to even be typing this and feel pathetic that I can't figure it out on my own. but does anyone have advice to share? Any advice about job hunting, calling future employers (making phonecalls is a trigger of mine) or leaving a place of employment? Anything will help and be appreciated. Tldr: my anxiety is keeping me from leaving my current job and finding a new one after a car accident left me with a visual disability.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eiq84n,A new beginning,0,chitchat,1,"Hey guys!! Happy new year! If anyone is struggling with anything, just know that you can always come message me and I’ll respond as soon as I can! I’m going to make it my best effort to put others first this year and to help and be here for people. Even people I’ve never met. My prayers and time will be for anyone that needs it :) and through god we can get through this!! Once again happy new year! 🙏",itsox7,1,0,5,2020-01-02 00:17:26,selfhelp,"Hey guys!! Happy new year! If anyone is struggling with anything, just know that you can always come message me and I’ll respond as soon as I can! I’m going to make it my best effort to put others first this year and to help and be here for people. Even people I’ve never met. My prayers and time will be for anyone that needs it :) and through god we can get through this!! Once again happy new year! 🙏",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,Not a Post,True,000 el6fod,Broken dominance,1c,rant,1,"I don't want to relive the past because my memories are torn, and with my body beaten and flayed, I am reborn. So while I wish for my enemies to get their own I raise a middle finger to the world and scream fuck you. I will become everything you said that I could never be and one day you'll see me standing above you.",DailyDoseDepression,1,0,1,2020-01-07 04:41:29,sad,"I don't want to relive the past because my memories are torn, and with my body beaten and flayed, I am reborn. So while I wish for my enemies to get their own I raise a middle finger to the world and scream fuck you. I will become everything you said that I could never be and one day you'll see me standing above you.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 eik06q,"I really wish I could go to inpatient and truly think I would benefit from an inpatient stay at present, even though I'm not suicidal or self-harming. Anyone else?",1c,survey,2,"I've been dissolving in slow motion for the past several months, and particularly this December was grueling. I'm stuck, can't move forward in the aftermath of a crushing event last spring, and I've been keeping my head above water *just barely* by immersing myself in not-really-healthy (some maladaptive) coping mechanisms, like smartphone overuse and having a drug regimen on many days that rivals that of Hunter S. Thompson. I need better help, my psychologist regrettably hasn't been terribly helpful, and my executive functioning is so poor as a result of my constant involuntary ruminations that I'm having a *lot* of trouble functioning on my own. I've barely eaten many days because I haven't been able to make meals, have slept poorly, and just overall feel like I'm spiraling out of control. It all feels like it's time for another trip to inpatient. I know that's frowned upon by providers and there's this notion that pwBPD don't benefit from inpatient care because we treat it like an escape/vacation and become ""institutionalized"" too easily, etc., etc., which honestly frustrates me a bit. Here's the awkward thing: even though I feel like I can't function independently at this time, I'm not at all suicidal, not even very much lasting passive ideation, and I haven't physically self-harmed in a long time (I just take drugs or dive into distractions when urges appear). So I doubt I'd be admitted, even though I really feel like I need to go and would benefit from it. Inpatient stays are for me usually a ""reset"" in which I recenter myself and gain much-needed perspective that then ""recharges my battery"" in a sense and positions me to face life while suffering less. Anyone else here have this dilemma? What do you do, what do you say when you're basically in crisis but not suicidal or self-harming? Is admission to inpatient under these circumstances totally implausible, as I assume? I'm very overwhelmed and don't know how to approach and emerge from this situation.",HeliacalChrysalis,1,0,4,2020-01-01 16:17:19,BPD,"I've been dissolving in slow motion for the past several months, and particularly this December was grueling. I'm stuck, can't move forward in the aftermath of a crushing event last spring, and I've been keeping my head above water *just barely* by immersing myself in not-really-healthy (some maladaptive) coping mechanisms, like smartphone overuse and having a drug regimen on many days that rivals that of Hunter S. Thompson. I need better help, my psychologist regrettably hasn't been terribly helpful, and my executive functioning is so poor as a result of my constant involuntary ruminations that I'm having a *lot* of trouble functioning on my own. I've barely eaten many days because I haven't been able to make meals, have slept poorly, and just overall feel like I'm spiraling out of control. It all feels like it's time for another trip to inpatient. I know that's frowned upon by providers and there's this notion that pwBPD don't benefit from inpatient care because we treat it like an escape/vacation and become ""institutionalized"" too easily, etc., etc., which honestly frustrates me a bit. Here's the awkward thing: even though I feel like I can't function independently at this time, I'm not at all suicidal, not even very much lasting passive ideation, and I haven't physically self-harmed in a long time (I just take drugs or dive into distractions when urges appear). So I doubt I'd be admitted, even though I really feel like I need to go and would benefit from it. Inpatient stays are for me usually a ""reset"" in which I recenter myself and gain much-needed perspective that then ""recharges my battery"" in a sense and positions me to face life while suffering less. Anyone else here have this dilemma? What do you do, what do you say when you're basically in crisis but not suicidal or self-harming? Is admission to inpatient under these circumstances totally implausible, as I assume? I'm very overwhelmed and don't know how to approach and emerge from this situation.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 f32adn,I had a moment where I woke up the other night and realized all the amazing things in life I’ve been missing,1a,rant,1,"And it just crushed me completely. There are so many incredible people to be friends with or even romantically involved with. So many passions and memories and exciting thing that people actually do. And I know I’ll never get to experience them. I’ve tried my whole life to be part of something else but every time I step up people seem to see what I am, even when I think I’m hiding it well. I have no qualities, no passion, nothing outstanding. I’m not attractive, or intelligent, or witty, or exciting, or generous, or ambitious, or optimistic. I’m just a really boring dude stewing in a bunch of ambivalent self-hatred and half-hearted attempts at “self-help.” I don’t feel like a person anymore, just a cut out that people see and react to. And no one’s going to be interested someone who thinks of themselves in that way.",sometimesifeelvrysad,1,0,13,2020-02-13 01:50:37,getting_over_it,"I had a moment where I woke up the other night and realized all the amazing things in life I’ve been missing And it just crushed me completely. There are so many incredible people to be friends with or even romantically involved with. So many passions and memories and exciting thing that people actually do. And I know I’ll never get to experience them. I’ve tried my whole life to be part of something else but every time I step up people seem to see what I am, even when I think I’m hiding it well. I have no qualities, no passion, nothing outstanding. I’m not attractive, or intelligent, or witty, or exciting, or generous, or ambitious, or optimistic. I’m just a really boring dude stewing in a bunch of ambivalent self-hatred and half-hearted attempts at “self-help.” I don’t feel like a person anymore, just a cut out that people see and react to. And no one’s going to be interested someone who thinks of themselves in that way.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel you are missing out on the exciting things,,True,220 feelv0,Journal Day 2: Not much change to be honest.,0,rant,3,"Yeah, the title speaks volumes. After being all gungho yesterday, nothing changed today. I went through the day just like every other - mindlessley scrolling through the internet. Looking back, this might've been a habit since childhood. I've never been able to sit quietly at my desk and study. I've always had to multitask somehow, to keep myself entertained. I studied with music, did my homework while watching cartoon network, take away those distractions, and the work becomes unbearable. As I'm typing this, I am occassionaly glancing towards my second monitor, which is on some youtube channel. I can't even sleep without having the monitor on, which negatively affects my rest, but I digress. The mindless scrolling almost felt like highway hypnosis, some sort of autopilot where you don't notice time passing and offers a momentary escape from the work I deem too stressful. I had an urgent report pending and I barely worked on it minutes before having to leave work. **Observation and Analysis:** Aside from the coping mechanism which I shall henceworth refer to as zombie mode. I've noticed I get significantly more focused, almost as though I'm in the zone, during times of urgency. Perhaps due to spending my life procrastinating and cramming at the last minute, this became some sort of habit. For a very brief moment during times of intense stress, I can focus, think, and work at some sort of heightened level relative to normal. The upside is that I get things done, albeit briefly. The downsides are however, numerous, ranging from: inattentive to details causes minor mistakes, going hyperfocused tires me out quickly, mild interruptions causes me to break and unable to go back to being focused, which also leads to me reacting abrasively to interruptions. **Moving forward:** To tackle the zombie mode, perhaps mindfulness meditation. I will continue to work on stress exposure by applying a chunking method of 20minutes work with 10minutes rest. If that fails, I will go with 10minutes work, the goal shall be to someday be able to focus and work for 50minutes a session. With regards to the short burst of high intensity focused work. I believe this is also a way to cope - via concentrating all the stress and solving them all at once, except this is something that only works on rudimentary work and not on anything advance that requires dedication over prolonged period. I have no solutions to this aside from mindfully pacing myself and using breathing exercises to associate work with relaxation. **Goals:** Minimum 20minutes of exercise, total 2hour on accounting courses to regain my work knowledge, total 1 hours on psych related topics to further educate myself on CBT(since therapy is not viable and I need to heal myself). Ambitious goals I know, but it is nothing compared to evne kindergartners these days. **Final words:** I still have no goal in life but, perhaps that is okay? Maybe self-hate from comparing myself with others, guilt from disappointing parents, anger at enemies made, can all be motivation? Thanks for reading guys. I hope I can continue this.",FallingIsLearning,1,0,0,2020-03-06 14:58:42,getting_over_it,"Yeah, the title speaks volumes. After being all gungho yesterday, nothing changed today. I went through the day just like every other - mindlessley scrolling through the internet. Looking back, this might've been a habit since childhood. I've never been able to sit quietly at my desk and study. I've always had to multitask somehow, to keep myself entertained. I studied with music, did my homework while watching cartoon network, take away those distractions, and the work becomes unbearable. As I'm typing this, I am occassionaly glancing towards my second monitor, which is on some youtube channel. I can't even sleep without having the monitor on, which negatively affects my rest, but I digress. The mindless scrolling almost felt like highway hypnosis, some sort of autopilot where you don't notice time passing and offers a momentary escape from the work I deem too stressful. I had an urgent report pending and I barely worked on it minutes before having to leave work. **Observation and Analysis:** Aside from the coping mechanism which I shall henceworth refer to as zombie mode. I've noticed I get significantly more focused, almost as though I'm in the zone, during times of urgency. Perhaps due to spending my life procrastinating and cramming at the last minute, this became some sort of habit. For a very brief moment during times of intense stress, I can focus, think, and work at some sort of heightened level relative to normal. The upside is that I get things done, albeit briefly. The downsides are however, numerous, ranging from: inattentive to details causes minor mistakes, going hyperfocused tires me out quickly, mild interruptions causes me to break and unable to go back to being focused, which also leads to me reacting abrasively to interruptions. **Moving forward:** To tackle the zombie mode, perhaps mindfulness meditation. I will continue to work on stress exposure by applying a chunking method of 20minutes work with 10minutes rest. If that fails, I will go with 10minutes work, the goal shall be to someday be able to focus and work for 50minutes a session. With regards to the short burst of high intensity focused work. I believe this is also a way to cope - via concentrating all the stress and solving them all at once, except this is something that only works on rudimentary work and not on anything advance that requires dedication over prolonged period. I have no solutions to this aside from mindfully pacing myself and using breathing exercises to associate work with relaxation. **Goals:** Minimum 20minutes of exercise, total 2hour on accounting courses to regain my work knowledge, total 1 hours on psych related topics to further educate myself on CBT(since therapy is not viable and I need to heal myself). Ambitious goals I know, but it is nothing compared to evne kindergartners these days. **Final words:** I still have no goal in life but, perhaps that is okay? Maybe self-hate from comparing myself with others, guilt from disappointing parents, anger at enemies made, can all be motivation? Thanks for reading guys. I hope I can continue this.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you get more focused on studies,,True,221 eihwco,Always seems like a good idea till the comedown.,1a,help-seeking,1,"Was drug free for 3 months, until last night. Now suffering from severe comedown and just need anyone to talk to.",guiltyally,1,0,6,2020-01-01 12:32:38,addiction,"Was drug free for 3 months, until last night. Now suffering from severe comedown and just need anyone to talk to.",1,1,1,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what made you take drugs,Can you elaborate more on X ?,the severe comedown was making you feel,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what do you want to talk about,,True,111 eiw4kl,Any non-prescription anxiety solutions?,0,rant,1,Do any of those non-prescription supplements actually do anything?,throwaway71498528411,1,0,4,2020-01-02 09:27:55,Anxiety,Do any of those non-prescription supplements actually do anything?,0,0,2,What happened that you want X ?,to take non prescriptive supplements for anxiety,What caused you to need X ?,anxiety solutions,,,title,True,002 eicghg,"everyone reading this is still alive tonight!!!!! let's ring in the new year/decade, y'all",0,chitchat,1,"🙆🏻‍♀️ who else is ringing in the new year alone and with no friends lol bc they don’t have any??? cuz i ammm but i'm also still alive so like, it’s a win, overall. tbh, it got pretty shady for a couple of nights, not going to lie. but I think the worst part is over, for now🤞🏻 honestly, feeling pretty lukewarm about the whole alive situation, BUT not feeling like i have to kill myself like RIGHT THIS INSTANT, so i'm just embracing the fact that i exist here.... for now my new year’s (bpd related) goal is to go 1 full calendar year without hospitalization! it’ll be the first time since 2013 when all of this started 😞 what sorts of things are y’all doing tonight???",xray223,1,0,49,2020-01-01 02:04:08,BPD,"who else is ringing in the new year alone and with no friends lol bc they don’t have any??? cuz i ammm but i'm also still alive so like, it’s a win, overall. tbh, it got pretty shady for a couple of nights, not going to lie. but I think the worst part is over, for now honestly, feeling pretty lukewarm about the whole alive situation, BUT not feeling like i have to kill myself like RIGHT THIS INSTANT, so i'm just embracing the fact that i exist here.... for now my new year’s (bpd related) goal is to go 1 full calendar year without hospitalization! it’ll be the first time since 2013 when all of this started what sorts of things are y’all doing tonight???",2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,feeling lukewarm about your situation,,,,True,212 ekk1az,What do you guys do with your paintings/drawings that show your PTSD symptoms?,0,survey,1,"My regular clinician questioned me as to why I would paint my anxiety of the traumatic scenes and what good it does me. My trauma therapist just showed interest in the couple I brought to therapy. I'm interested in what you have done with your art and how well it worked for you type of thing. Thank you.",IamMESSEDupINtheHEAD,1,0,13,2020-01-05 22:24:20,ptsd,My regular clinician questioned me as to why I would paint my anxiety of the traumatic scenes and what good it does me. My trauma therapist just showed interest in the couple I brought to therapy. I'm interested in what you have done with your art and how well it worked for you type of thing. Thank you.,2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,painting your anxiety of the traumatic scenes,,,,True,202 ew2flw,Non violent domestic abuse,0,survey,1,"Has anyone here struggled to come to terms with subtle non-violent abuse such as coercive control, gaslighting and emotional neglect from an ex-partner?",shethinksnot,1,0,8,2020-01-30 08:45:10,domesticviolence,"Has anyone here struggled to come to terms with subtle non-violent abuse such as coercive control, gaslighting and emotional neglect from an ex-partner?",1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how your ex-partner is abusing you,How did X make you feel?,the non-violent abuse,What do you need help with now that X?,your ex-partner is abusing you,,True,100 etsbuo,"To Get It, You Must Belong To It. It Must Be Part Of Your Nature.",0,chitchat,3,"I'm taking a shot in the dark at appropriateness for my post in this forum. I have decided to post it because whether you are trying to make personal changes in yourself or are trying to manifest a huge home, you first have to see yourself as the person who could have those changes or that house. You must grow into it and become it. It must become part of your nature. That said, here's my post. &#x200B; Most of the dreams and fantasies you have revolve around you being the person who belongs to them. Most of the excitement is in you being the person who experiences these fantasies in a specific way as a particular individual. In your fantasies, when you daydream, you usually play a part or role in the fantasy. In your part or character's role, you are a specific type of person who looks, dresses and acts in a particular way. Essentially, the best part of the fantasy is where you are the individual who the fantasy belongs to. To reiterate what I’m suggesting, if you fantasize about winning an Emmy award for best actor, you will receive that award as the great actor you would have to be. You wouldn't walk up to the podium seeing yourself as an accountant for a small firm. A strong influencer that will make or break your attraction-success is your personal beliefs about yourself. Your beliefs dictate your final results because your beliefs become your truth. If you don't believe you can belong to the lifestyle or experience you desire, then you need to find that person within you (the part of you) who could belong to it because the beliefs you have of yourself can be a game-changer. Therefore, your self-beliefs are very important when attempting to deliberately manifest and should always be a top priority. Otherwise, if you think you should make self-improvements and don't, then your results will be tainted by the limiting beliefs you have of yourself. These are learned beliefs that need to be removed. Unfortunately, we can't just change our beliefs overnight or remove harmful, learned beliefs. However, we can make the correct changes to ourselves that will allow new circumstances in, which will create a more solid confidence. The culmination of your new confidence and new experiences will birth new and beneficial beliefs. This, in turn, will place you at a higher starting point during your next attempt to deliberately manifest. Therefore, sometimes attempting to obtain the ultimate prize isn't an option. That said, stay aware of the beliefs you have about yourself when deliberately manifesting. As long as you diligently work towards having beneficial beliefs, you will eventually get closer to the ultimate goal-point. Let's say you fantasize about being someone who turns heads at the beach with your perfect summer-body only to have self-doubt and confusion ruin it. You may suddenly experience past issues that make you feel negative emotions. Perhaps you become scared of the thought of too much attention as that brought on many bad experiences in your past. Maybe you need to strengthen your interpersonal skills because the extra weight is protection against being singled out. Only you will know because your subconscious will let you know. An inner struggle is taking place because most of the fantasy is what you have to offer it. Therefore, to bring that fantasy to fruition, you first need to feel comfortable with having a perfect body, let alone, have one. After that, you have to get the right swimsuits; then you have to find the active beaches. Once this is all done, you can go out and experience your fantasy. We are in the relative and because of this, we need to meet our miracles halfway. Your subconscious knows this and is bringing you doubt because you need to address a few things before you can run off to a beach and show off. Therefore, a good indicator that an area needs to be worked on is if you find yourself tormented by negative inner-voices that point in a specific area's direction while thinking of your desires. These seemingly counterproductive thoughts are the hurdles you need to overcome before pursuing more desirable experiences. If the state of being you are currently in doesn't match the state of being you wish to be in, during the experience you seek, then you should make modifications. Find where the resistance is and write it down, then work on it. Let your intuition be your guide. To sum it up, if there is something you think you need to do for yourself that would have a direct influence on the outcome of the experience you desire, then start with that. Try finding the modification(s) that, if achieved, will make the birth of the experience you seek the inevitable next step. Doing this will help simplify your goals which will help you find a comfortable starting point. That being said, what are the improvements you would like to make? Do you want to quit smoking or lose weight? Do you wish to improve your social skills? Usually, the necessary changes would be the ones that boost your confidence which is essential if you want to be a part of a better experience. You want to belong to it and let it belong to you before you attempt to draw it in. \~Nicholas D’Arezzo\~",Nicholas-D-Arezzo,1,0,0,2020-01-25 15:49:31,selfhelp,"I'm taking a shot in the dark at appropriateness for my post in this forum. I have decided to post it because whether you are trying to make personal changes in yourself or are trying to manifest a huge home, you first have to see yourself as the person who could have those changes or that house. You must grow into it and become it. It must become part of your nature. That said, here's my post. &#x200B; Most of the dreams and fantasies you have revolve around you being the person who belongs to them. Most of the excitement is in you being the person who experiences these fantasies in a specific way as a particular individual. In your fantasies, when you daydream, you usually play a part or role in the fantasy. In your part or character's role, you are a specific type of person who looks, dresses and acts in a particular way. Essentially, the best part of the fantasy is where you are the individual who the fantasy belongs to. To reiterate what I’m suggesting, if you fantasize about winning an Emmy award for best actor, you will receive that award as the great actor you would have to be. You wouldn't walk up to the podium seeing yourself as an accountant for a small firm. A strong influencer that will make or break your attraction-success is your personal beliefs about yourself. Your beliefs dictate your final results because your beliefs become your truth. If you don't believe you can belong to the lifestyle or experience you desire, then you need to find that person within you (the part of you) who could belong to it because the beliefs you have of yourself can be a game-changer. Therefore, your self-beliefs are very important when attempting to deliberately manifest and should always be a top priority. Otherwise, if you think you should make self-improvements and don't, then your results will be tainted by the limiting beliefs you have of yourself. These are learned beliefs that need to be removed. Unfortunately, we can't just change our beliefs overnight or remove harmful, learned beliefs. However, we can make the correct changes to ourselves that will allow new circumstances in, which will create a more solid confidence. The culmination of your new confidence and new experiences will birth new and beneficial beliefs. This, in turn, will place you at a higher starting point during your next attempt to deliberately manifest. Therefore, sometimes attempting to obtain the ultimate prize isn't an option. That said, stay aware of the beliefs you have about yourself when deliberately manifesting. As long as you diligently work towards having beneficial beliefs, you will eventually get closer to the ultimate goal-point. Let's say you fantasize about being someone who turns heads at the beach with your perfect summer-body only to have self-doubt and confusion ruin it. You may suddenly experience past issues that make you feel negative emotions. Perhaps you become scared of the thought of too much attention as that brought on many bad experiences in your past. Maybe you need to strengthen your interpersonal skills because the extra weight is protection against being singled out. Only you will know because your subconscious will let you know. An inner struggle is taking place because most of the fantasy is what you have to offer it. Therefore, to bring that fantasy to fruition, you first need to feel comfortable with having a perfect body, let alone, have one. After that, you have to get the right swimsuits; then you have to find the active beaches. Once this is all done, you can go out and experience your fantasy. We are in the relative and because of this, we need to meet our miracles halfway. Your subconscious knows this and is bringing you doubt because you need to address a few things before you can run off to a beach and show off. Therefore, a good indicator that an area needs to be worked on is if you find yourself tormented by negative inner-voices that point in a specific area's direction while thinking of your desires. These seemingly counterproductive thoughts are the hurdles you need to overcome before pursuing more desirable experiences. If the state of being you are currently in doesn't match the state of being you wish to be in, during the experience you seek, then you should make modifications. Find where the resistance is and write it down, then work on it. Let your intuition be your guide. To sum it up, if there is something you think you need to do for yourself that would have a direct influence on the outcome of the experience you desire, then start with that. Try finding the modification(s) that, if achieved, will make the birth of the experience you seek the inevitable next step. Doing this will help simplify your goals which will help you find a comfortable starting point. That being said, what are the improvements you would like to make? Do you want to quit smoking or lose weight? Do you wish to improve your social skills? Usually, the necessary changes would be the ones that boost your confidence which is essential if you want to be a part of a better experience. You want to belong to it and let it belong to you before you attempt to draw it in. \~Nicholas D’Arezzo\~",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 eo00yk,How difficult is it to detox without professional help?,1b,rant,1,"My sister has a very serious crack addition, spends roughly $400 day. Recently she has said she wants to get clean but said she plans to goto the country to stay at a friends ranch to get her head straight. She feels that working on the ranch will keep her busy enough to not think about crack. I’m trying to be as supportive as I can but am a bit concerned that this may not be enough as her issues are far more deeply rooted then just this addiction. I want her to have successful. Do you think this is realistic? I would prefer a professional setting but at the moment she refuses so I’m not going to push her until she’s ready.",EdmontonAB83,1,0,20,2020-01-13 05:50:58,addiction,"My sister has a very serious crack addition, spends roughly $400 day. Recently she has said she wants to get clean but said she plans to goto the country to stay at a friends ranch to get her head straight. She feels that working on the ranch will keep her busy enough to not think about crack. I’m trying to be as supportive as I can but am a bit concerned that this may not be enough as her issues are far more deeply rooted then just this addiction. I want her to have successful. Do you think this is realistic? I would prefer a professional setting but at the moment she refuses so I’m not going to push her until she’s ready.",1,1,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what made her addicted to crack,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about her addiction,,,,True,112 ejha9c,I’m almost embarrassed,1a,rant,1,"i just need someone to knock some sense into my head or to show me some love or something, the urge to hurt myself is so strong and i don’t know if i can suppress it",yikes-one-sad-boi,13,0,3,2020-01-03 15:57:11,selfharm,i just need someone to knock some sense into my head or to show me some love or something. the urge to hurt myself is so strong and i don’t know if i can suppress it,1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you hurt yourself,How did X make you feel?,the urge to cut yourself,,,,True,102 ej699c,What's the one thing you wished your parents would say to you more often?,0,survey,1,,waldzwastaken,4,0,8,2020-01-02 23:24:28,selfharm,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 eituob,Questioning diagnosis,1a,help-seeking,2,"After years of mental health confusion my current therapist suggested I may have ADHD. My sister was diagnosed a year ago, and I spent a few months trying to understand how I may fit into an ADHD diagnosis with some reflection about how my struggles with emotional dysregulation, motivation, etc. may be related. I recently got psych testing, but my psychiatrist decided to move forward with medication (18 mg of Concerta) before we even get the results/report in a few weeks. I certainly have noticed benefits during this last week of medication. I usually do not accomplish much during any given day- and I don’t usually have an explanation as to why. But I’m starting to worry about long term use since my mental health diagnoses have been so unclear these last 8 years (Depression ? Anxiety ? Cyclothymia? ADHD? BPD?). What if this is a wrong diagnosis? Does it matter? It feels like the effects of my potential ADHD have taken a greater toll on my life since I have graduated from college and have had little direction and this makes me doubt the diagnosis. Could I have ruined my brain with heavy partying (1 year ago at this point)? Has anyone else doubted their diagnosis?",hotmagician5,1,0,1,2020-01-02 05:18:50,ADHD,"After years of mental health confusion my current therapist suggested I may have ADHD. My sister was diagnosed a year ago, and I spent a few months trying to understand how I may fit into an ADHD diagnosis with some reflection about how my struggles with emotional dysregulation, motivation, etc. may be related. I recently got psych testing, but my psychiatrist decided to move forward with medication (18 mg of Concerta) before we even get the results/report in a few weeks. I certainly have noticed benefits during this last week of medication. I usually do not accomplish much during any given day- and I don’t usually have an explanation as to why. But I’m starting to worry about long term use since my mental health diagnoses have been so unclear these last 8 years (Depression ? Anxiety ? Cyclothymia? ADHD? BPD?). What if this is a wrong diagnosis? Does it matter? It feels like the effects of my potential ADHD have taken a greater toll on my life since I have graduated from college and have had little direction and this makes me doubt the diagnosis. Could I have ruined my brain with heavy partying (1 year ago at this point)? Has anyone else doubted their diagnosis?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eotgak,"When someone who was extremely sensitive as a child but was also extremely hurt beacuse of childhood trauma and all of a sudden in early teenage years starts feeling numb, has a warped perception of reality as if he feels like he's in a superlogical state of consciousness where he controls every ...",1b,rant,3,"Instinct and emotions, feels like everyone around him is a robot and life is a predetermined movie they've had already dreamt off as childs with the same future persons and jobs(they predicted their future as well), can be really successful in society except for relationships(beacuse of lack of control only in relationship but they can actually get shit done if they are able to do something or else they get anxious) and they're not really good at writing(plus they never want to be successful so they always suck at everything including school, jobs ecc), feels like his head is under alcohol effect 24/24 that keep him from being agitated, sometimes has anxiety in embarrassing situations but at the same time doesn't feel remorse and when he hurts someone he laughs at their pain, has irritability issues but when he hurts someone he feels extremely bad and enters in constants states of crying and regret promising himself to change but without success(constantly irresponsible) which lead the person to an imploding rage and despair, has hallucinations and goes back and forth when listening to music and feels like his conscience is an insect that's possessing him, mission failed songs from videogames cause him to say to himself ""you can't"" and his brain starts running much faster as it gets automatically scared and starts crying, is afraid of it's own shadow, hates glances eye stare beacuse they scare him, every time he turns on the playstation he is afraid of the startup(not the classical RSOD everyone is scared of, I'm talking about PS3) beacuse he feels like it's moving too fast almost as if he's having an epilepsy attack, is scared of certain pissed off eyebrows and looks and is scared of people with huge chin, everyday thinks about the past and starts crying or going mad and smashing everything beacuse his past is also his present and he keeps doing the same mistakes hurting other people's feelings and feels like he has emotions in his mind that he would like to feel but there's something that's blocking the person from feeling them, the person overthinks to the point of sleeping or thinking that they can't think and are stupid, can learn different languages and imitate voice of the singers perfectly and with full emotional expression, has no feeling for anyone except for their beloved crush they're so afraid of beacuse he considers her to be lunatic like him and every time she tries to catch him he feels numb just as he does with anyone else but with her he feels remorse(and also likes dominant women and the smell of genitals and pee, even though he never ends up having sex cause of always being unable to either express those feelings as if they are blocked like they come and go immediately for unknown reasons which probably may be to overthinking or other things), being always angry or anxious or feeling numb or excited at the despair of others), is bisexual, when someone he loves ends up with the wrong people he can feel that person's energy being left in dark places such as harbours with bright lamps at night while a nostalgic song of that person plays in memory of her, if they can feel that persons energy entering into them as if the person who is now damaged is basically a walking ghost or a child, can learn different languages like they are his naive language and has a lot of sexual fetishes, is afraid of huge figures raising up in front of him or mountains and clouds who take a strange shape or form, is afraid of songs stuck in his head especially music boxes, has constant negative dreams and every time he dreams it's either a satanic dream, a monk temple, a natural catastrophe or even hell, everytime they hear a scary part of a song the phrase ""yeah, keep telling yourself that, do you even understand what you're doing?"" or ""hehhe, I told you"" repeats in their head, would you call that clinical depression, schizophrenia, sociopathy, asperger or autism? Cause these final three are pretty similar.",somamma77,1,0,13,2020-01-14 23:20:14,mentalillness,"Instinct and emotions, feels like everyone around him is a robot and life is a predetermined movie they've had already dreamt off as childs with the same future persons and jobs(they predicted their future as well), can be really successful in society except for relationships(beacuse of lack of control only in relationship but they can actually get shit done if they are able to do something or else they get anxious) and they're not really good at writing(plus they never want to be successful so they always suck at everything including school, jobs ecc), feels like his head is under alcohol effect 24/24 that keep him from being agitated, sometimes has anxiety in embarrassing situations but at the same time doesn't feel remorse and when he hurts someone he laughs at their pain, has irritability issues but when he hurts someone he feels extremely bad and enters in constants states of crying and regret promising himself to change but without success(constantly irresponsible) which lead the person to an imploding rage and despair, has hallucinations and goes back and forth when listening to music and feels like his conscience is an insect that's possessing him, mission failed songs from videogames cause him to say to himself ""you can't"" and his brain starts running much faster as it gets automatically scared and starts crying, is afraid of it's own shadow, hates glances eye stare beacuse they scare him, every time he turns on the playstation he is afraid of the startup(not the classical RSOD everyone is scared of, I'm talking about PS3) beacuse he feels like it's moving too fast almost as if he's having an epilepsy attack, is scared of certain pissed off eyebrows and looks and is scared of people with huge chin, everyday thinks about the past and starts crying or going mad and smashing everything beacuse his past is also his present and he keeps doing the same mistakes hurting other people's feelings and feels like he has emotions in his mind that he would like to feel but there's something that's blocking the person from feeling them, the person overthinks to the point of sleeping or thinking that they can't think and are stupid, can learn different languages and imitate voice of the singers perfectly and with full emotional expression, has no feeling for anyone except for their beloved crush they're so afraid of beacuse he considers her to be lunatic like him and every time she tries to catch him he feels numb just as he does with anyone else but with her he feels remorse(and also likes dominant women and the smell of genitals and pee, even though he never ends up having sex cause of always being unable to either express those feelings as if they are blocked like they come and go immediately for unknown reasons which probably may be to overthinking or other things), being always angry or anxious or feeling numb or excited at the despair of others), is bisexual, when someone he loves ends up with the wrong people he can feel that person's energy being left in dark places such as harbours with bright lamps at night while a nostalgic song of that person plays in memory of her, if they can feel that persons energy entering into them as if the person who is now damaged is basically a walking ghost or a child, can learn different languages like they are his naive language and has a lot of sexual fetishes, is afraid of huge figures raising up in front of him or mountains and clouds who take a strange shape or form, is afraid of songs stuck in his head especially music boxes, has constant negative dreams and every time he dreams it's either a satanic dream, a monk temple, a natural catastrophe or even hell, everytime they hear a scary part of a song the phrase ""yeah, keep telling yourself that, do you even understand what you're doing?"" or ""hehhe, I told you"" repeats in their head, would you call that clinical depression, schizophrenia, sociopathy, asperger or autism? Cause these final three are pretty similar.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eiachh,I wish I could restart my life from the beginning,1a,rant,1,So many fuck ups and missed chances. I’m so behind everyone in a lot of stuff,Nerodasadist,1,0,0,2019-12-31 23:07:26,depression,I wish I could restart my life from the beginning So many fuck ups and missed chances. I’m so behind everyone in a lot of stuff,1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your missed chances and mistakes,How did X make you feel?,those mistakes,,,,True,102 eijjhj,Adding on social network,0,help-seeking,1,I have hard times to understand is it creppy or not to follow person on Instagram or add in FB who don't know me but we have met each other one or two times also we have many mutual friends in real life and in FB I don't want to be creppy or make someone uncomfortable please give me advice,roamingstargazer,1,0,0,2020-01-01 15:36:07,socialanxiety,I have hard times to understand is it creppy or not to follow person on Instagram or add in FB who don't know me but we have met each other one or two times also we have many mutual friends in real life and in FB I don't want to be creppy or make someone uncomfortable please give me advice,1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how well you know the person,How did X make you feel?,the dilemma make you feel,,,,True,102 eiaifn,1 day clean and very anxious,1a,rant,1,"I feel like I fucked up so bad by self harming, I was clean for years and I lost my cool for a few seconds and hurt myself. I’m so anxious about my life in general, and how I’m going to hide these scars",helpjustcut,1,0,5,2019-12-31 23:20:57,selfharm,"I feel like I fucked up so bad by self harming, I was clean for years and I lost my cool for a few seconds and hurt myself. I’m so anxious about my life in general, and how I’m going to hide these scars",1,1,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what made you hurt yourself,Can you elaborate more on X ?,hurting yourself,What do you need help with now that X?,you relapsed to self harm again,,True,110 eix98w,Idea to reduce validation and affirmation seeking behavior?,1a,help-seeking,1,"Ok, so I constantly fall into these moods where ""I'm awful and everyone hates me and just pretends to tolerate me."" Sometimes these funks can last for a few days. The worst part when they hit, my brain gets super warped and I can't think anything good or challenge the cognitive distortions well, and the urge to do validation/affirmation seeking behaviors gets super strong. To try and reduce that I thought maybe I could buy a notebook and pen that will fit in my purse, and when a friend says a sweet, nice thing as bout me (or I think of one), I could ask them to write it down. That way when the moods hit, I have a notebook full of love and affirmation I can use to ground myself and maybe not lose days angry or terrified that a person is going to leave. Is this s good idea or would it reinforce dependence and need for others in the long run? Does anyone have experience with something like that?",Distaff_Pope,1,0,0,2020-01-02 11:44:25,BPD,"Ok, so I constantly fall into these moods where ""I'm awful and everyone hates me and just pretends to tolerate me."" Sometimes these funks can last for a few days. The worst part when they hit, my brain gets super warped and I can't think anything good or challenge the cognitive distortions well, and the urge to do validation/affirmation seeking behaviors gets super strong. To try and reduce that I thought maybe I could buy a notebook and pen that will fit in my purse, and when a friend says a sweet, nice thing as bout me (or I think of one), I could ask them to write it down. That way when the moods hit, I have a notebook full of love and affirmation I can use to ground myself and maybe not lose days angry or terrified that a person is going to leave. Is this s good idea or would it reinforce dependence and need for others in the long run? Does anyone have experience with something like that?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 etlj9p,Sexually abused while in a violent relationship.,1b,rant,1,"So this is my second time posting here on reddit about my experience with domestic violence and the things that happened to me mostly because I find it helpful to a certain extent to get my thoughts out about what happened since I have never really gotten to talk about it really with anyone else. It would be especially hard to talk to someone face to face about what I’m about to type now. During my relationship with my abuser, I was-on multiple occasions-forced to have sex against my will. Sometimes he’d talk me into doing it even when I told him that I wasn’t in the mood. Other times, he would physically force himself on me. Once, I voiced that he was hurting me one night and he told me that I needed to just take the pain. It made me feel like nothing more than a sex object. What I find kinda odd is the fact that at the time this was happening, I couldn’t see it for what it was and it still feels like I’m being a little dramatic about it and I sometimes second guess myself",ThewitchDoctor20,1,0,21,2020-01-25 03:33:54,domesticviolence,"So this is my second time posting here on reddit about my experience with domestic violence and the things that happened to me mostly because I find it helpful to a certain extent to get my thoughts out about what happened since I have never really gotten to talk about it really with anyone else. It would be especially hard to talk to someone face to face about what I’m about to type now. During my relationship with my abuser, I was-on multiple occasions-forced to have sex against my will. Sometimes he’d talk me into doing it even when I told him that I wasn’t in the mood. Other times, he would physically force himself on me. Once, I voiced that he was hurting me one night and he told me that I needed to just take the pain. It made me feel like nothing more than a sex object. What I find kinda odd is the fact that at the time this was happening, I couldn’t see it for what it was and it still feels like I’m being a little dramatic about it and I sometimes second guess myself",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you were sexually abused in the relationship,,True,220 ekfey3,"Beware Journalistic misses on PTSD Vs CPTSD: ""From bankruptcy to suicide, PTSD can wreck the lives of first responders. A Woodstock firefighter wants to change that.""",0,chitchat,2,">Mains, 39, is a veteran of the Iraq war and a longtime Woodstock firefighter and paramedic who has been diagnosed with a severe case of post-traumatic stress disorder. The symptoms built slowly over years, ultimately becoming so pronounced that a few months ago Mains had to leave the job that he loved. > >He’s now getting treatment while seeking worker’s compensation and a disability pension, but success is no sure thing: Unlike other states, Illinois does not treat PTSD as a “presumptive” condition, meaning firefighters must prove that their suffering is indeed the result of their work. So was the PTSD caused by Military Service or Fire Service of Paramedic Service? It's a pity that the journalist and their editor followed the black and white trope and missed so much of the Grey Areas that the vast majority of PTSD sufferers live with. If your employer knows you have or are at risk of PTSD, do thay have any obligation to protect you. If they ignore a tripping hazzard they have zero defence - but blowing your mind is not protected. https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/breaking/ct-firefighter-ptsd-ryan-mains-20200103-vaioiikvg5hbth6pvqs6sc3bzi-story.html",BlueAzzure,1,0,0,2020-01-05 16:47:11,ptsd,">Mains, 39, is a veteran of the Iraq war and a longtime Woodstock firefighter and paramedic who has been diagnosed with a severe case of post-traumatic stress disorder. The symptoms built slowly over years, ultimately becoming so pronounced that a few months ago Mains had to leave the job that he loved. > >He’s now getting treatment while seeking worker’s compensation and a disability pension, but success is no sure thing: Unlike other states, Illinois does not treat PTSD as a “presumptive” condition, meaning firefighters must prove that their suffering is indeed the result of their work. So was the PTSD caused by Military Service or Fire Service of Paramedic Service? It's a pity that the journalist and their editor followed the black and white trope and missed so much of the Grey Areas that the vast majority of PTSD sufferers live with. If your employer knows you have or are at risk of PTSD, do thay have any obligation to protect you. If they ignore a tripping hazzard they have zero defence - but blowing your mind is not protected. https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/breaking/ct-firefighter-ptsd-ryan-mains-20200103-vaioiikvg5hbth6pvqs6sc3bzi-story.html",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ek68ky,Is there anyone else who is avoiding/running away from eating with people?,0,survey,1,"If yes, how do you fight it?",LA_roma,1,0,6,2020-01-05 01:55:41,socialanxiety,"Is there anyone else who is avoiding/running away from eating with people? If yes, how do you fight it?",1,0,1,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you run away from eating together,How did X make you feel?,eating with people,,,title,True,101 ektwbi,"As Bill Sees It, 1.6",0,chitchat,3,"Circle and Triangle, p. 307 Above us, at the International Convention at St. Louis in 1955, floated a banner on which was inscribed the then new symbol for A.A., a circle enclosing a triangle. The circle stands for the whole world of A.A., and the triangle stands for A.A.'s Three Legacies: Recovery, Unity, and Service. It is perhaps no accident that priests and seers of antiquity regarded this symbol as a means of warding off spirits of evil. When, in 1955, we old-timers turned over our Three Legacies to the whole movement, nostalgia for the old days blended with gratitude for the great day in which I was now living. No more would it be necessary for me to act for, decide for, or protect A.A. For a moment, I dreaded the coming change. But this mood quickly passed. The conscience of A.A. as moved by the guidance of God could be depended upon to insure A.A.'s future. Clearly my job henceforth was to let go and let God. A.A. Comes of Age, p. 39; 46-48",Whtsox,1,0,1,2020-01-06 13:04:42,alcoholicsanonymous,"Circle and Triangle, p. 307 Above us, at the International Convention at St. Louis in 1955, floated a banner on which was inscribed the then new symbol for A.A., a circle enclosing a triangle. The circle stands for the whole world of A.A., and the triangle stands for A.A.'s Three Legacies: Recovery, Unity, and Service. It is perhaps no accident that priests and seers of antiquity regarded this symbol as a means of warding off spirits of evil. When, in 1955, we old-timers turned over our Three Legacies to the whole movement, nostalgia for the old days blended with gratitude for the great day in which I was now living. No more would it be necessary for me to act for, decide for, or protect A.A. For a moment, I dreaded the coming change. But this mood quickly passed. The conscience of A.A. as moved by the guidance of God could be depended upon to insure A.A.'s future. Clearly my job henceforth was to let go and let God. A.A. Comes of Age, p. 39; 46-48",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 f2f1yg,Desperately looking for help. Trying to stop hyper sexuality after rape. I think that’s what’s wrong with me but I’m not a psychiatrist.,1a,help-seeking,2,"I posted in another group under a throw away account but got no response. If anyone has dealt with anything like this I really could use help. I guess I’m struggling with hyper sexuality. I was raped anally in a club when I was 23. I was a stripper so to some people especially a lot I’ve met, think strippers don’t deserve the same response as others. But I don’t tell anyone what happened I just listen to what people say and pretend I don’t know anything. I guess to some it’s something I had coming because of lifestyle choices and plus I’m sure no one would care. Which I’m fine with but I’m stressing out because I have no one to talk too. The owner of the club kept giving me drinks but I don’t remember the whole thing thank goodness but I remember enough to hate myself. I woke up in the hospital the next day thanks to some other girls who took me out of the club and left me there. Which was actually decent because they thought I had been drugged. I was so out of it. Every once In a while I have like a flash of a random little memory from it. Like the color of the velvet curtain as my face was pushed into it. and I remember feeling boxes of paper at my fingers. So things like that kind of set me off. Afterward the guy would come to my job regularly and try to give me money. So I took some of it I regret it to this day. I always say I shouldn’t have taken the money. But I was able to get enough to move across the country. One day I got up the courage to tell him to stop coming in right before I left. But now I struggle with myself. Every time the thought pops in my head I get sooooo mad at myself that I feel all this crazy aggression building through my body and I begin to shake. And the only way to relieve that, I feel is having extremely rough sex or putting matches to my hip, it’s easy to hide burns there. I’m now 33 and married and my husband knows everything but I feel bad that when we have sex I feel like I need to be hurt a little so I ask him to be rough which is ok but I can tell it bothers him sometimes because of the reasoning behind it. Is anyone else experiencing this? There’s so much more but I think this is the after shock that I’m struggling with the most.",Plainbanana,1,0,13,2020-02-11 21:07:34,rapecounseling,"I posted in another group under a throw away account but got no response. If anyone has dealt with anything like this I really could use help. I guess I’m struggling with hyper sexuality. I was raped anally in a club when I was 23. I was a stripper so to some people especially a lot I’ve met, think strippers don’t deserve the same response as others. But I don’t tell anyone what happened I just listen to what people say and pretend I don’t know anything. I guess to some it’s something I had coming because of lifestyle choices and plus I’m sure no one would care. Which I’m fine with but I’m stressing out because I have no one to talk too. The owner of the club kept giving me drinks but I don’t remember the whole thing thank goodness but I remember enough to hate myself. I woke up in the hospital the next day thanks to some other girls who took me out of the club and left me there. Which was actually decent because they thought I had been drugged. I was so out of it. Every once In a while I have like a flash of a random little memory from it. Like the color of the velvet curtain as my face was pushed into it. and I remember feeling boxes of paper at my fingers. So things like that kind of set me off. Afterward the guy would come to my job regularly and try to give me money. So I took some of it I regret it to this day. I always say I shouldn’t have taken the money. But I was able to get enough to move across the country. One day I got up the courage to tell him to stop coming in right before I left. But now I struggle with myself. Every time the thought pops in my head I get sooooo mad at myself that I feel all this crazy aggression building through my body and I begin to shake. And the only way to relieve that, I feel is having extremely rough sex or putting matches to my hip, it’s easy to hide burns there. I’m now 33 and married and my husband knows everything but I feel bad that when we have sex I feel like I need to be hurt a little so I ask him to be rough which is ok but I can tell it bothers him sometimes because of the reasoning behind it. Is anyone else experiencing this? There’s so much more but I think this is the after shock that I’m struggling with the most.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 emnumo,"Road rage, why must you be so.",1b,rant,2,"Honestly I'm not really an angry person in normal life. I can be testy sometimes, especially if I didn't get my morning caffeine, but the worst that comes out of that is a ""do I have to?"" if I'm asked a favor or something. But then we get on the road, and lemme tell ya, I live in a country where 95% of the drivers are insane. They start to wear on me, the tailgating, the beeping, the harassment, the constant need to switch lanes to let some lunatic pass. I get mad, I might even flip someone the bird. So today I did that, guy was tailgating me, beeping, then passed me and beeped some more. I gave him the finger and asked him if he wanted to do something about it. Buddy did not appreciate the gesture. He then let me pass him again for some reason, and then eventually stopped and wanted to have a conversation about why I was rude to him, and I obliged (I know, the wisdom is just dripping off this whole situation). He explained how I need not drive on the fast lane (was turning left in a few seconds) if I didn't want to ""go fast"" (read: go over the limit on a road full of cameras right after laws were passed making tickets that I can't afford even more draconian). I told him what the speed limit was, and that I have had to pay some ridiculous tickets for going just a bit over it before. Then we each went on our way, there is something of a language barrier, so conversation is limited. He was in the wrong for being a douchebag, but they're all douchebags on the road. I still felt bad for doing what I did. I felt it was unbecoming. Guy was sort of shaken too, apparently he's not used to all this adversity even though he seemed more than happy to initiate it. I don't want to upset people going about their day, and maybe in his mind he was justified. I just felt bad because he didn't look like a mean person, under different circumstances I could have been perfectly civil with this normal person who is, yes, an asshole on the road like 95% of his fellow countrymen, but who is otherwise a nice guy. I've had friends before who were super nice but still morons on the road. So yeah, I just feel bad that I have this problem. I live a calm, average life. But on the road, I'm angry. I know conditions are extremely far from ideal where I live, but I still don't feel justified. I've never lost my temper and not regretted it, can't recall a single good thing that has ever come from me losing my temper in life, although it typically does not happen off the road.",calm_but_not_really,1,0,5,2020-01-10 07:51:42,Anger,"Honestly I'm not really an angry person in normal life. I can be testy sometimes, especially if I didn't get my morning caffeine, but the worst that comes out of that is a ""do I have to?"" if I'm asked a favor or something. But then we get on the road, and lemme tell ya, I live in a country where 95% of the drivers are insane. They start to wear on me, the tailgating, the beeping, the harassment, the constant need to switch lanes to let some lunatic pass. I get mad, I might even flip someone the bird. So today I did that, guy was tailgating me, beeping, then passed me and beeped some more. I gave him the finger and asked him if he wanted to do something about it. Buddy did not appreciate the gesture. He then let me pass him again for some reason, and then eventually stopped and wanted to have a conversation about why I was rude to him, and I obliged (I know, the wisdom is just dripping off this whole situation). He explained how I need not drive on the fast lane (was turning left in a few seconds) if I didn't want to ""go fast"" (read: go over the limit on a road full of cameras right after laws were passed making tickets that I can't afford even more draconian). I told him what the speed limit was, and that I have had to pay some ridiculous tickets for going just a bit over it before. Then we each went on our way, there is something of a language barrier, so conversation is limited. He was in the wrong for being a douchebag, but they're all douchebags on the road. I still felt bad for doing what I did. I felt it was unbecoming. Guy was sort of shaken too, apparently he's not used to all this adversity even though he seemed more than happy to initiate it. I don't want to upset people going about their day, and maybe in his mind he was justified. I just felt bad because he didn't look like a mean person, under different circumstances I could have been perfectly civil with this normal person who is, yes, an asshole on the road like 95% of his fellow countrymen, but who is otherwise a nice guy. I've had friends before who were super nice but still morons on the road. So yeah, I just feel bad that I have this problem. I live a calm, average life. But on the road, I'm angry. I know conditions are extremely far from ideal where I live, but I still don't feel justified. I've never lost my temper and not regretted it, can't recall a single good thing that has ever come from me losing my temper in life, although it typically does not happen off the road.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel bad about your actions,,True,220 f43scn,My anger keeps getting in the way of drawing.,1a,rant,2,"I'm far from being good at drawing, which is if course why I draw, to improve, i understand this, but every fucking time i try to practice or draw something I end up punching my desk, throwing my tablet or drawing pen at the wall, snapping my pencils in half, or ripping up my entire drawing journal. It fucking pisses me off, My arms look like a preschoolers minecraft oc they made in mspaint with squares, my legs look like they belong to beetlejuice (the comedian) necks are the worst, fuck, I try different styles and practice different techniques but I don't improve, I have no idea what I want to draw. Fucking hell, It's amazing my tablet hasn't broke yet. I've gotten close to smashing my computer screen, and i'm fed the fuck up, I'm not good at anything so I decide I should draw and have something i'm good at, but no my fucking anger gets in the way and i'm too much of a douchebag to give up. I try to be good at math so I can catch up on my geometry classes, fuck I don't understand it, the numbers make me feel frustrated, I try to read but I get bored by the 20th or so page, I try to code but I get bored, I try to sing, boring. Dancing , boring. Everything i either get bored of or pissed at and it's pissing me off, the only things that I don't get pissed about is punching walls and playing five finger fillet, I don't get it, why can't I be like every other teen and have something that makes me human, i'm just here.",Neat-Chan,1,0,2,2020-02-15 03:29:38,Anger,"I'm far from being good at drawing, which is if course why I draw, to improve, i understand this, but every fucking time i try to practice or draw something I end up punching my desk, throwing my tablet or drawing pen at the wall, snapping my pencils in half, or ripping up my entire drawing journal. It fucking pisses me off, My arms look like a preschoolers minecraft oc they made in mspaint with squares, my legs look like they belong to beetlejuice (the comedian) necks are the worst, fuck, I try different styles and practice different techniques but I don't improve, I have no idea what I want to draw. Fucking hell, It's amazing my tablet hasn't broke yet. I've gotten close to smashing my computer screen, and i'm fed the fuck up, I'm not good at anything so I decide I should draw and have something i'm good at, but no my fucking anger gets in the way and i'm too much of a douchebag to give up. I try to be good at math so I can catch up on my geometry classes, fuck I don't understand it, the numbers make me feel frustrated, I try to read but I get bored by the 20th or so page, I try to code but I get bored, I try to sing, boring. Dancing , boring. Everything i either get bored of or pissed at and it's pissing me off, the only things that I don't get pissed about is punching walls and playing five finger fillet, I don't get it, why can't I be like every other teen and have something that makes me human, i'm just here.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you get irritated or bored of everything,,True,220 ei9t5h,New relationship anxiety,1a,help-seeking,1,"I just got into a new great relationship, with someone that I would say, I have been waiting and looking for so long. She is simply amazing. Ever since getting in this relationship I have noticed, my anxiety is through the roof. I think of all the bad things that could happen to me, like, any little thing I feel twitch on my body, I think the worst or if I feel hot I take my temperature a million times. I also feel very scared to lose her and she has not given me a single reason to ever feel that way. I think this is trauma from my last relationship, of 7 years, just walked out one day and never even blinked. How do I get over my fear of the thought of one day I may lose my new love? I have made myself physically ill (throwing up) over it many times. My stomach was wrecked for over 2 weeks.",throwawaymeaccount21,1,0,2,2019-12-31 22:24:18,Anxiety,"I just got into a new great relationship, with someone that I would say, I have been waiting and looking for so long. She is simply amazing. Ever since getting in this relationship I have noticed, my anxiety is through the roof. I think of all the bad things that could happen to me, like, any little thing I feel twitch on my body, I think the worst or if I feel hot I take my temperature a million times. I also feel very scared to lose her and she has not given me a single reason to ever feel that way. I think this is trauma from my last relationship, of 7 years, just walked out one day and never even blinked. How do I get over my fear of the thought of one day I may lose my new love? I have made myself physically ill (throwing up) over it many times. My stomach was wrecked for over 2 weeks.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 ezb9yh,Food disgusts me,1b,survey,1,Does anyone else have issues eating? I can’t eat anything that is mashed or drink lukewarm beverages/soup. It has to be ice cold or very hot. The texture makes me gag as it reminds me of certain substances. Lately it’s been bad enough to where I can’t eat a granola bar without gagging. I don’t know what to do anymore.,salt_free_snow,1,0,2,2020-02-05 15:35:32,rapecounseling,Food disgusts me Does anyone else have issues eating? I can’t eat anything that is mashed or drink lukewarm beverages/soup. It has to be ice cold or very hot. The texture makes me gag as it reminds me of certain substances. Lately it’s been bad enough to where I can’t eat a granola bar without gagging. I don’t know what to do anymore.,2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unable to eat anything mashed,,True,220 ek99cd,"Need advice on rehab, please. I am extremely desperate.",1b,help-seeking,2,"I just posted here a little bit earlier. But I now want to give some background on my entire situation. I, for lack of better words, genuinely from the bottom of my heart want to die. I have ruined every single relationship in my family. While they still want me to get better, they want me out of their life. My father just decently found out I stole over TEN GRAND from his bank account to buy drugs and he almost killed me. My mother has said I can go to rehab if I want, but she isn’t forcing me to. I am hesitant because I start a brand new job on Monday that I really want, however I don’t know if I can even manage to do a good job at it the way I feel. I literally feel like I can’t go through life without heroin. I can’t see myself off if. My whole life is based around it. I’m at a literal loss for words. I have some good D left tonight and I’m highly considering just doing a BUNCH at once and ending my life. I’m extremely high right now and just want it all to end. The pain is too much to handle. Honestly I am such a shitty person the world would be better off without me, so I think I am going to do it.",Ijustwannagiveitatry,2,0,42,2020-01-05 06:22:45,OpiatesRecovery,"I just posted here a little bit earlier. But I now want to give some background on my entire situation. I, for lack of better words, genuinely from the bottom of my heart want to die. I have ruined every single relationship in my family. While they still want me to get better, they want me out of their life. My father just decently found out I stole over TEN GRAND from his bank account to buy drugs and he almost killed me. My mother has said I can go to rehab if I want, but she isn’t forcing me to. I am hesitant because I start a brand new job on Monday that I really want, however I don’t know if I can even manage to do a good job at it the way I feel. I literally feel like I can’t go through life without heroin. I can’t see myself off if. My whole life is based around it. I’m at a literal loss for words. I have some good D left tonight and I’m highly considering just doing a BUNCH at once and ending my life. I’m extremely high right now and just want it all to end. The pain is too much to handle. Honestly I am such a shitty person the world would be better off without me, so I think I am going to do it.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are having suicidal thoughts,,True,220 ei7rpb,Insert witty title for post I just want to make to vent about feelings I can't share with people in my life.,1a,rant,3,"This is going to be long and honestly if I were you I wouldn't bother to read it. But anyway here it goes, I have always been a bit off, I think the term now is not neurotypical but whatever the case I just seem to be a tiny bit out of phase with the rest of the world. I am lucky enough to be fairly intelligent though and with that and constant effort I can approximate normal well enough that people don't tend to notice immediately that I don't quite emote the same way everyone else does. Anyway I bring this up because I moved relatively recently and I am in a new state and trying to find a new group of friends and the like. For reasons unrelated to the move my old coping mechanisms for appearing normal don't work well anymore and I can no longer manage to make friends with just about anybody. I mean I started out here doing well on the friendship front, met people and found groups to hang out with but yeah the distance started to grow as stress in my life mounted and my ability to blend and present normally grew worse. Depression set in as the isolation got worse and the failures started to mount and that of course just created a feedback loop as the worse I felt and the more times I said odd things or otherwise weirded people out the harder I tried to put people at ease which inevitably makes things worse. So anyway after a solid year of that spiral and 6 failures in a row of managing to even start being friends with people I have huge amounts in common with I've reached my current state where I am almost entirely isolated and the lack of human connection leaves me desperate and over eager which is exactly the kind of thing that tends to make people not want to be around you in the first place. I lost the last of my once close friends the other day and I really have nobody else to talk too about this so yeah I'm here, telling strangers about things they have zero reason to care about in the hopes that at least I might feel like I got to share things that matter to me with another being. So yeah, I'm not looking for advice or encouragement or anything, just needed a shoulder to cry on and I wasn't sure where else to go. Didn't want to burden the few people who still talk to me with this kind of thing either as that's a recipe for shrinking that list even further but I needed to let it out somewhere so ta da it gets dumped here. So anyway if you actually made it through this badly written rant, thanks for listening, I appreciate it. If you didn't and skipped to the end, no worries, thanks for clicking.",PrettyTarable,1,0,0,2019-12-31 19:43:23,depression,"This is going to be long and honestly if I were you I wouldn't bother to read it. But anyway here it goes, I have always been a bit off, I think the term now is not neurotypical but whatever the case I just seem to be a tiny bit out of phase with the rest of the world. I am lucky enough to be fairly intelligent though and with that and constant effort I can approximate normal well enough that people don't tend to notice immediately that I don't quite emote the same way everyone else does. Anyway I bring this up because I moved relatively recently and I am in a new state and trying to find a new group of friends and the like. For reasons unrelated to the move my old coping mechanisms for appearing normal don't work well anymore and I can no longer manage to make friends with just about anybody. I mean I started out here doing well on the friendship front, met people and found groups to hang out with but yeah the distance started to grow as stress in my life mounted and my ability to blend and present normally grew worse. Depression set in as the isolation got worse and the failures started to mount and that of course just created a feedback loop as the worse I felt and the more times I said odd things or otherwise weirded people out the harder I tried to put people at ease which inevitably makes things worse. So anyway after a solid year of that spiral and 6 failures in a row of managing to even start being friends with people I have huge amounts in common with I've reached my current state where I am almost entirely isolated and the lack of human connection leaves me desperate and over eager which is exactly the kind of thing that tends to make people not want to be around you in the first place. I lost the last of my once close friends the other day and I really have nobody else to talk too about this so yeah I'm here, telling strangers about things they have zero reason to care about in the hopes that at least I might feel like I got to share things that matter to me with another being. So yeah, I'm not looking for advice or encouragement or anything, just needed a shoulder to cry on and I wasn't sure where else to go. Didn't want to burden the few people who still talk to me with this kind of thing either as that's a recipe for shrinking that list even further but I needed to let it out somewhere so ta da it gets dumped here. So anyway if you actually made it through this badly written rant, thanks for listening, I appreciate it. If you didn't and skipped to the end, no worries, thanks for clicking.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eimb11,My girlfriend has BPD.,0,help-seeking,2,"Hello everyone, and happy new year! My girlfriend recently told me that she has BPD, I had never heard about it before she told me she had it tbh. So I did a bit research on it. We have only been togheter for a couple of months, but I really really like her. So at first I didnt really think about it, and didnt notice anything that seperates her from people without BPD. Lately I have been noticing some things, for example yesterday I sent her a cute happy new year snap, and some nice things I appreciate about her. She read the snap but did not respond. (We are young, and mostly communicate trough snapchat) So I sent her another snap if she wanted to hang out, no answer. She was out drinking, but usually is very chatty while drunk. So I sent another snap that it kinda hurts that she ignores me, also read that one. I wake up this morning barely no sleep, still no answer, and when I finally got some communication she was kinda pissed that I ""spammed"" her. She told me that borderline hit her hard, she is feeling down, and that I am to much, and need to give her space. She has asked for space earlier, but its kinda hard to know what is too much and not. Btw we do live one hour apart from eachother, and she prefer snapchat and not calling, wich make it even harder for me to understand wich mood she is in. She has told me about her past, and its a sad sad story... So I would love if you guys could give me some dos and don'ts, what should I be careful with? And should she really be alone while depressed? Should I not snap her, and give her space? I would really like to understand this better, I care ALOT about her, and she only deserves the best. I dont want to fuck this up because I dont have the knowledge I should have.",Leikent,1,0,12,2020-01-01 19:16:14,BPD,"Hello everyone, and happy new year! My girlfriend recently told me that she has BPD, I had never heard about it before she told me she had it tbh. So I did a bit research on it. We have only been togheter for a couple of months, but I really really like her. So at first I didnt really think about it, and didnt notice anything that seperates her from people without BPD. Lately I have been noticing some things, for example yesterday I sent her a cute happy new year snap, and some nice things I appreciate about her. She read the snap but did not respond. (We are young, and mostly communicate trough snapchat) So I sent her another snap if she wanted to hang out, no answer. She was out drinking, but usually is very chatty while drunk. So I sent another snap that it kinda hurts that she ignores me, also read that one. I wake up this morning barely no sleep, still no answer, and when I finally got some communication she was kinda pissed that I ""spammed"" her. She told me that borderline hit her hard, she is feeling down, and that I am to much, and need to give her space. She has asked for space earlier, but its kinda hard to know what is too much and not. Btw we do live one hour apart from eachother, and she prefer snapchat and not calling, wich make it even harder for me to understand wich mood she is in. She has told me about her past, and its a sad sad story... So I would love if you guys could give me some dos and don'ts, what should I be careful with? And should she really be alone while depressed? Should I not snap her, and give her space? I would really like to understand this better, I care ALOT about her, and she only deserves the best. I dont want to fuck this up because I dont have the knowledge I should have.",2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how did your girlfriend being pissed make you feel,,,,True,212 esnut2,No memory of what happened as a kid,1a,help-seeking,3,"TW for the obvious, discussion of my experience (I am an FTM transgender man; at the time of the abuse I was for all intents and purposes a young cisgender girl). I’m working through the realisation that several concerning things in my life were the result of being raped as a child. It’s been almost six months since that bombshell hit, and I’ve been in active therapy coming to terms with what I’ve remembered, but worse than what I’ve remembered is what I haven’t. I have no memory of the rape itself, only the aftermath (being awake too late at night crying with injured genitals, using masturbation as self harm before I even hit double digits, having a panic attack the first time I penetrated myself and the fear whenever I tried again, the nightmares). There are flashes of things that I heavily suspect have something to do with what happened (fingers, school bathrooms, the very publicly known fact that my single abusive mother didn’t listen to a word I said however serious) but I just can’t remember what actually happened. At all. It’s affecting me in bad ways. I find myself either spiralling and panicking because I can feel the body flashbacks or my thoughts are raving about how this isn’t something that just happened to me, it’s something someone did. My partner has been a godsend, able to talk with me about it with the understanding of someone who went through the same thing, and he’s very helpful with the loss of ability to receive sexual contact even when I still want to have sex, but even with his listening ear I feel lost because he eventually remembered his rape whereas mine is still just... gone. My therapist assured me that from what other mental health we’ve discussed I already had dissociation problems and so it makes a great deal of sense that I would experience the dissociative tendency to repress the memory, but I still keep losing my cool with myself because I feel like all the evidence I have that if did happen are useless without the memory. I also feel a bit wrongfooted because my best friend is doing her best to be supportive but is concerned because she doesn’t know what’s going on. She knows that there is a specific thing that has been causing depressive and dissociative episodes, but in the same way I did before I was ready to tell my partner, it’s referred to only as That Problem. We usually have completely unfiltered communication around all our issues, however personal and/or traumatic, and so it’s difficult to see the concern in her face when she’s comforting me and saying that she’s gonna help however she can and reminding me that I don’t ever have to tell her what That Problem is but if I do want to she’s always here. I can’t process sharing with her what’s going on because I know it’s out of her frame of experience - when she found out my partner was raped after accidentally triggering his PTSD, her only response was a distraught ‘Fuck,’ and it never came up again. I know she wouldn’t do well knowing but it’s painful to see how worried she is that there’s something big enough that I can’t tell her when we already share everything else. Honestly, I think I’m just looking for comforting and advice here. I don’t know how to stop obsessing over every little scrap of memory I’ve recovered every single day, I don’t know how to stop feeling like someone is grabbing me by the genitals when I least expect it, and I don’t know how to navigate the effect this has on the people around me.",arcadia-road,1,0,1,2020-01-23 04:01:48,rapecounseling,"TW for the obvious, discussion of my experience (I am an FTM transgender man; at the time of the abuse I was for all intents and purposes a young cisgender girl). I’m working through the realisation that several concerning things in my life were the result of being raped as a child. It’s been almost six months since that bombshell hit, and I’ve been in active therapy coming to terms with what I’ve remembered, but worse than what I’ve remembered is what I haven’t. I have no memory of the rape itself, only the aftermath (being awake too late at night crying with injured genitals, using masturbation as self harm before I even hit double digits, having a panic attack the first time I penetrated myself and the fear whenever I tried again, the nightmares). There are flashes of things that I heavily suspect have something to do with what happened (fingers, school bathrooms, the very publicly known fact that my single abusive mother didn’t listen to a word I said however serious) but I just can’t remember what actually happened. At all. It’s affecting me in bad ways. I find myself either spiralling and panicking because I can feel the body flashbacks or my thoughts are raving about how this isn’t something that just happened to me, it’s something someone did. My partner has been a godsend, able to talk with me about it with the understanding of someone who went through the same thing, and he’s very helpful with the loss of ability to receive sexual contact even when I still want to have sex, but even with his listening ear I feel lost because he eventually remembered his rape whereas mine is still just... gone. My therapist assured me that from what other mental health we’ve discussed I already had dissociation problems and so it makes a great deal of sense that I would experience the dissociative tendency to repress the memory, but I still keep losing my cool with myself because I feel like all the evidence I have that if did happen are useless without the memory. I also feel a bit wrongfooted because my best friend is doing her best to be supportive but is concerned because she doesn’t know what’s going on. She knows that there is a specific thing that has been causing depressive and dissociative episodes, but in the same way I did before I was ready to tell my partner, it’s referred to only as That Problem. We usually have completely unfiltered communication around all our issues, however personal and/or traumatic, and so it’s difficult to see the concern in her face when she’s comforting me and saying that she’s gonna help however she can and reminding me that I don’t ever have to tell her what That Problem is but if I do want to she’s always here. I can’t process sharing with her what’s going on because I know it’s out of her frame of experience - when she found out my partner was raped after accidentally triggering his PTSD, her only response was a distraught ‘Fuck,’ and it never came up again. I know she wouldn’t do well knowing but it’s painful to see how worried she is that there’s something big enough that I can’t tell her when we already share everything else. Honestly, I think I’m just looking for comforting and advice here. I don’t know how to stop obsessing over every little scrap of memory I’ve recovered every single day, I don’t know how to stop feeling like someone is grabbing me by the genitals when I least expect it, and I don’t know how to navigate the effect this has on the people around me.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 elsc41,Just looking for support and to vent,0,rant,2,"Oxycodone user here. I’m ready to quit. I know withdrawals are going to suck— I’ve “quit for good” 5 times now. I don’t know, something about this time in my heart feels like it’s the last time. That I am finally done. Maybe it was the fent press I got? Maybe how my d-girl has been nickel and dimeing me for too long. Maybe how I am broke and have maxed out my credit cards and now can’t even afford milk for my kids cereal. Maybe it’s how my husband is going to leave me. Maybe it’s that burning desperate feeling that you need money so you sell all your nice stuff. All for a fucking short high? I ask for prayers. Please. I need the Great Creator to help me. My soul is lost. Evil comes in many forms and personalizes itself for your life. Evil came in the form of pills, a small escape from my heavy depression and anxiety. Evil saw an opportunity months ago to jump in my life. I want my happiness back. I want my old life back.",StPaulieGrrl,1,0,19,2020-01-08 12:55:04,OpiatesRecovery,"Oxycodone user here. I’m ready to quit. I know withdrawals are going to suck— I’ve “quit for good” 5 times now. I don’t know, something about this time in my heart feels like it’s the last time. That I am finally done. Maybe it was the fent press I got? Maybe how my d-girl has been nickel and dimeing me for too long. Maybe how I am broke and have maxed out my credit cards and now can’t even afford milk for my kids cereal. Maybe it’s how my husband is going to leave me. Maybe it’s that burning desperate feeling that you need money so you sell all your nice stuff. All for a fucking short high? I ask for prayers. Please. I need the Great Creator to help me. My soul is lost. Evil comes in many forms and personalizes itself for your life. Evil came in the form of pills, a small escape from my heavy depression and anxiety. Evil saw an opportunity months ago to jump in my life. I want my happiness back. I want my old life back.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you be happy again,,True,221 emvudg,"To help myself, I had two defeat two opponents: my habits, and the dangerous question: ""Who am I?""",1a,chitchat,3,"I was in a really rough place for 15 years of my life. I felt like a failure. Things were happening to me that were making me miserable. I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do with my future or how it would even be possible for me to get there. I shut down. And then I got help. It forced me to see some parts of myself that I didn't want to see but that I needed to accept. I want to share what I've learned in the hopes that it may help someone else who feels the say way that I did. \----------------------------------------------------------------------------- The first concept is one most people think they can define, but really can't: a habit. If I had asked myself to define a good habit versus a bad habit, I'd have said something simple like: ""Good habits are good for you and bad habits aren't"". What I came to learn is actually that all habits, good and bad, have a benefit and have a consequence. What we call a good habit puts the consequence first, and the benefit later. What we call a bad habit puts the benefit first, and the consequence later. Good habits let you handle the consequences on your own terms, right now. Bad habits make you handle the consequences later, whether you're ready for them or not. And because you can't control what's going to happen to you in the future, it's easy to get blindsided by a terrible event coupled with bad habit consequence that makes both things even worse than they should have been. And likewise, bad habits aren't always bad. If something does blindside you in life where you have no control over it, it's okay to defer some consequence to later in order to cope. But if you're constantly deferring consequence for benefits in the present, you won't have much to look forward to at all. You can't control your future. But you can control your habits, and your habits control your future. \---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The question of ""Who am I?"" is one we're asked to answer from an early age. On one hand, it seems innocent enough, who doesn't want to know themselves? But something has changed in the way we live in thanks to a lot of social factors, and ""know yourself"" has gradually been replaced with ""define yourself"". And defining yourself isn't liberating, it's restrictive. The problem with defining myself was that I started to think of myself like a character in a story. I might have been invited out, but I stayed home to play video games because I told myself I was introverted. The truth was, while I do need time to be alone and recharge, I really was pretty lonely. As I felt more isolated and alone, I would tell myself that I was just because I was introverted; and because it made sense with the character I'd written for myself, that's the role I played. And across the board, it happened with other things. I wrote myself as an introverted gamer who was quiet, lacked ambition, but had plenty of untapped potential that was overlooked. And wouldn't you know it, I lived that character's life to the letter. But as I said, I'm not really introverted, that was just my excuse for being lonely. I'm not quiet, I actually like being front and center in some conversations. I didn't lack ambition, but my habits always deferred the consequence. And my potential was untapped because I was waiting for someone other than myself to tap it. Defining myself wasn't opening any more doors for me, it was closing others that ""didn't fit the character"". It created an even larger problem as well. The character I fleshed out was living a boring story, and no one likes being a boring character. But you know what sells a narrative? Tragedy. Drama. I could point out everything that had gone wrong during my day with hyper focus, fleshed out and made real. My life was one bad thing after another, and that's the story I saw and shared. A lot of this was because of the consequences of my bad habits. And a lot of this was because the narrative wasn't made more interesting by recognizing any of the tiny good things that were happening around me. (As a society, I notice this a lot more now with people who are offended by things. People spend time reviewing things that happen to answer the question ""am I offended?"". And the simple answer is, if you weren't instantly offended, you probably aren't. But now we have to look back over all the details and we're able to create the narrative about why we should have been offended, and suddenly we are. Everything is offensive because we can give everything a tidy backstory about why it should be. It's controversial nature makes it more interesting, and we all want our plot to be interesting so that our characters can be as well.) Well, my life has improved markedly since I have realized that having a backstory is overrated. And quite honestly, the people who are least defined are the most interesting, even if they don't have any great tales to tell or controversial opinions to rant. Don't know who you are? That's the best answer in my book. It's great to surprise yourself. \---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My story now is the best kind of boring. Loving wife. Wonderful kids. Enough success to live simply but comfortably. Want to know how I did it? Good habits, and having no idea who I'm supposed to be.",TearsOfTheProphets,1,0,7,2020-01-10 19:27:47,selfhelp,"I was in a really rough place for 15 years of my life. I felt like a failure. Things were happening to me that were making me miserable. I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do with my future or how it would even be possible for me to get there. I shut down. And then I got help. It forced me to see some parts of myself that I didn't want to see but that I needed to accept. I want to share what I've learned in the hopes that it may help someone else who feels the say way that I did. \----------------------------------------------------------------------------- The first concept is one most people think they can define, but really can't: a habit. If I had asked myself to define a good habit versus a bad habit, I'd have said something simple like: ""Good habits are good for you and bad habits aren't"". What I came to learn is actually that all habits, good and bad, have a benefit and have a consequence. What we call a good habit puts the consequence first, and the benefit later. What we call a bad habit puts the benefit first, and the consequence later. Good habits let you handle the consequences on your own terms, right now. Bad habits make you handle the consequences later, whether you're ready for them or not. And because you can't control what's going to happen to you in the future, it's easy to get blindsided by a terrible event coupled with bad habit consequence that makes both things even worse than they should have been. And likewise, bad habits aren't always bad. If something does blindside you in life where you have no control over it, it's okay to defer some consequence to later in order to cope. But if you're constantly deferring consequence for benefits in the present, you won't have much to look forward to at all. You can't control your future. But you can control your habits, and your habits control your future. \---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The question of ""Who am I?"" is one we're asked to answer from an early age. On one hand, it seems innocent enough, who doesn't want to know themselves? But something has changed in the way we live in thanks to a lot of social factors, and ""know yourself"" has gradually been replaced with ""define yourself"". And defining yourself isn't liberating, it's restrictive. The problem with defining myself was that I started to think of myself like a character in a story. I might have been invited out, but I stayed home to play video games because I told myself I was introverted. The truth was, while I do need time to be alone and recharge, I really was pretty lonely. As I felt more isolated and alone, I would tell myself that I was just because I was introverted; and because it made sense with the character I'd written for myself, that's the role I played. And across the board, it happened with other things. I wrote myself as an introverted gamer who was quiet, lacked ambition, but had plenty of untapped potential that was overlooked. And wouldn't you know it, I lived that character's life to the letter. But as I said, I'm not really introverted, that was just my excuse for being lonely. I'm not quiet, I actually like being front and center in some conversations. I didn't lack ambition, but my habits always deferred the consequence. And my potential was untapped because I was waiting for someone other than myself to tap it. Defining myself wasn't opening any more doors for me, it was closing others that ""didn't fit the character"". It created an even larger problem as well. The character I fleshed out was living a boring story, and no one likes being a boring character. But you know what sells a narrative? Tragedy. Drama. I could point out everything that had gone wrong during my day with hyper focus, fleshed out and made real. My life was one bad thing after another, and that's the story I saw and shared. A lot of this was because of the consequences of my bad habits. And a lot of this was because the narrative wasn't made more interesting by recognizing any of the tiny good things that were happening around me. (As a society, I notice this a lot more now with people who are offended by things. People spend time reviewing things that happen to answer the question ""am I offended?"". And the simple answer is, if you weren't instantly offended, you probably aren't. But now we have to look back over all the details and we're able to create the narrative about why we should have been offended, and suddenly we are. Everything is offensive because we can give everything a tidy backstory about why it should be. It's controversial nature makes it more interesting, and we all want our plot to be interesting so that our characters can be as well.) Well, my life has improved markedly since I have realized that having a backstory is overrated. And quite honestly, the people who are least defined are the most interesting, even if they don't have any great tales to tell or controversial opinions to rant. Don't know who you are? That's the best answer in my book. It's great to surprise yourself. \---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My story now is the best kind of boring. Loving wife. Wonderful kids. Enough success to live simply but comfortably. Want to know how I did it? Good habits, and having no idea who I'm supposed to be.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 eiunzq,I feel like I’m never gonna be happy again,1a,rant,1,"From the minute I wake up I feel shit and just so heart broken about life, I’ve been put on antidepressants and they’ve just made things worse. I’ve been in a young persons psych unit and left sat in my own piss for two days because I have a disability. I’ve been neglected for DBT therapy and I feel like whenever I’m having an suicidal episode I have to argue with the mental health assessment team and they just make me feel like it’s my own fault. I just wish I could blink out of existence, I have no life. I spent Christmas and New Years all alone. Why can’t I just be allowed to have something good in life",Imnewhere524,1,0,3,2020-01-02 06:37:02,BPD,"From the minute I wake up I feel shit and just so heart broken about life, I’ve been put on antidepressants and they’ve just made things worse. I’ve been in a young persons psych unit and left sat in my own piss for two days because I have a disability. I’ve been neglected for DBT therapy and I feel like whenever I’m having an suicidal episode I have to argue with the mental health assessment team and they just make me feel like it’s my own fault. I just wish I could blink out of existence, I have no life. I spent Christmas and New Years all alone. Why can’t I just be allowed to have something good in life",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you be happy again,,True,221 ej1bc8,I got my first razor blade,0,rant,1,"In one of the classrooms in my school, there’s a draw full of all sorts of blades and sharp objects. My teacher is quite fond of me, so he lets me do work for him around these areas unsupervised. I knew about everything in the draw and lately I hadn’t been in the right state of mind, and I got an overwhelming urge and I went into the draw and took a razor blade. I haven’t used it yet, and I really want to, but it’s giving me horrible anxiety having it yet I don’t wanna get rid of it.",IcyLunarPhoenix,1,0,8,2020-01-02 17:38:06,selfharm,"In one of the classrooms in my school, there’s a draw full of all sorts of blades and sharp objects. My teacher is quite fond of me, so he lets me do work for him around these areas unsupervised. I knew about everything in the draw and lately I hadn’t been in the right state of mind, and I got an overwhelming urge and I went into the draw and took a razor blade. I haven’t used it yet, and I really want to, but it’s giving me horrible anxiety having it yet I don’t wanna get rid of it.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are having overwhelming urge to cut,,True,220 g0aywx,"Been off of antidepressants for a year, lost 100 lbs, better energy and health but less motivation that when I do feels forced and an overall flat feeling still remains?",0,help-seeking,3,"I know this is a selfish time to post this because of what's going on in the world currently at this time but I felt like that I had to post this. &#x200B; A year ago I decided to get off of antidepressants and start trying to improve my mood on my own. I managed to lose 100 lbs and get more energy in the long run but there are still some issues. &#x200B; Back on 4th of July 2019 my first cousin once removed threw like ten/fifteen poppers in a row right near my right ear in a crowded area that echoed. This caused me to lose about ten decibels of hearing in my right ear (plus my right ear sounds a bit more muffled and all that now. I also didn't take steps to protect my hearing/stay away from loud noise for a while/etc. after that incident.) Now my hearing is a bit off in both ears in different ways. Left ear hears louder and clearer but things like echoes or drum beats in songs, and bass I don't hear as good in my left ear. My right ear doesn't hear as loud or clear as my left but yet certain things like drum beats, bass, echoes, reverberation, etc. I can hear fuller in my right ear. It's weird. I can't enjoy music as much anymore though because of the weirdness whether it be not as full sound in my left ear or more muffled/quieter sound in my right ear. Ever since then I've gotten a $60 sound pressure level meter to keep control of sound. It measures in A and C. A basically is more attuned to the human ear but doesn't tally in bass frequencies all that well where as C takes bass more into account because the human ear is less sensitive to bass. I've heard it can be as much off as 10 decibels though and whenever it goes to 70 or higher I start panicking and freaking. &#x200B; Anyways that's step one. I even had a job at a university as a dishwasher and was in college again. Things were going ok. I cut out a ton of crud in my diet and lost 100 lbs and started doing a lot more cardio even now walking between an hour a day to five hours a day three days in a row give or take. I've never walked more then three days in a row or taken more than three days off of walking though. Anyways this resulted in me losing 100 lbs. I also don't do anything other than caffeine or nicotine (yes I do smoke cigs, the one thing I really still need to change in my health but it's been tough. I only smoke one every two hours or so though. Still not good though.) &#x200B; Also during this time I've noticed that my memory isn't as clear or sharp as it used to be. I barely remember anything short term anymore and I can't remember things I've watched/played/listened to etc. worth a crud no matter how much I focus on them. It really bums me out and even haven't done really all that great on tests at college because of this. &#x200B; Now the main thing is that I just feel kind of bleh most of the time. I absolutely abhor doing almost anything that isn't selfish or things that I like and when I do those things I just feel pretty much flat. I never feel more than maybe a 6 out of 10 on a good day. I'm worried about taking antidepressants again though because I've tried five different ones. Two didn't work at all (one even caused bad side effects), two worked but raised my liver enzymes and one worked slightly at the max recommended dose without side effects but not really worth it as it made me worried about interactions with foods, drinks, etc. &#x200B; What should I do? I got an over the phone appointment in a week and I'm just kind of bleh. I don't derive any fun from anything anymore. I have more energy from losing that weight and less health problems overall but my motivation feels forced and not genuine and mood is just bleh all the time. &#x200B; I do not have suicidal thoughts I do not want to die or not live anymore at all. So I'm not there but at the same time I feel bleh or just going through the motions. Flat. What should I do? Thank you very much. &#x200B; Any suggestions/help/natural enzymes/natural supplements/etc. would be greatly appreciated!",Tmansdc,28,0,43,2020-04-13 03:27:04,getting_over_it,"I know this is a selfish time to post this because of what's going on in the world currently at this time but I felt like that I had to post this. &#x200B; A year ago I decided to get off of antidepressants and start trying to improve my mood on my own. I managed to lose 100 lbs and get more energy in the long run but there are still some issues. &#x200B; Back on 4th of July 2019 my first cousin once removed threw like ten/fifteen poppers in a row right near my right ear in a crowded area that echoed. This caused me to lose about ten decibels of hearing in my right ear (plus my right ear sounds a bit more muffled and all that now. I also didn't take steps to protect my hearing/stay away from loud noise for a while/etc. after that incident.) Now my hearing is a bit off in both ears in different ways. Left ear hears louder and clearer but things like echoes or drum beats in songs, and bass I don't hear as good in my left ear. My right ear doesn't hear as loud or clear as my left but yet certain things like drum beats, bass, echoes, reverberation, etc. I can hear fuller in my right ear. It's weird. I can't enjoy music as much anymore though because of the weirdness whether it be not as full sound in my left ear or more muffled/quieter sound in my right ear. Ever since then I've gotten a $60 sound pressure level meter to keep control of sound. It measures in A and C. A basically is more attuned to the human ear but doesn't tally in bass frequencies all that well where as C takes bass more into account because the human ear is less sensitive to bass. I've heard it can be as much off as 10 decibels though and whenever it goes to 70 or higher I start panicking and freaking. &#x200B; Anyways that's step one. I even had a job at a university as a dishwasher and was in college again. Things were going ok. I cut out a ton of crud in my diet and lost 100 lbs and started doing a lot more cardio even now walking between an hour a day to five hours a day three days in a row give or take. I've never walked more then three days in a row or taken more than three days off of walking though. Anyways this resulted in me losing 100 lbs. I also don't do anything other than caffeine or nicotine (yes I do smoke cigs, the one thing I really still need to change in my health but it's been tough. I only smoke one every two hours or so though. Still not good though.) &#x200B; Also during this time I've noticed that my memory isn't as clear or sharp as it used to be. I barely remember anything short term anymore and I can't remember things I've watched/played/listened to etc. worth a crud no matter how much I focus on them. It really bums me out and even haven't done really all that great on tests at college because of this. &#x200B; Now the main thing is that I just feel kind of bleh most of the time. I absolutely abhor doing almost anything that isn't selfish or things that I like and when I do those things I just feel pretty much flat. I never feel more than maybe a 6 out of 10 on a good day. I'm worried about taking antidepressants again though because I've tried five different ones. Two didn't work at all (one even caused bad side effects), two worked but raised my liver enzymes and one worked slightly at the max recommended dose without side effects but not really worth it as it made me worried about interactions with foods, drinks, etc. &#x200B; What should I do? I got an over the phone appointment in a week and I'm just kind of bleh. I don't derive any fun from anything anymore. I have more energy from losing that weight and less health problems overall but my motivation feels forced and not genuine and mood is just bleh all the time. &#x200B; I do not have suicidal thoughts I do not want to die or not live anymore at all. So I'm not there but at the same time I feel bleh or just going through the motions. Flat. What should I do? Thank you very much. &#x200B; Any suggestions/help/natural enzymes/natural supplements/etc. would be greatly appreciated!",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 enk5aa,"Twenty-Four Hours a Day, 1.12",0,chitchat,2,"Thought The longer we're in A.A., the more natural this way of life seems. Our old drinking lives were a very unnatural way of living. Our present sober lives are the most natural way we could possibly live. During the early years of our drinking, our lives weren't so different from the lives of a lot of other people. But as we gradually became problem drinkers, our lives became more and more unnatural. Do I realize now that the things I did were far from natural? Meditation I will say thank you to God for everything, even the seeming trials and worries. I will strive to be grateful and humble. My whole attitude toward the Higher Power will be one of gratitude. I will be glad for the things I have received. I will pass on what God reveals to me. I believe that more truths will flow in, as I go along in the new way of life. Prayer I pray that I may be grateful for the things I have received and do not deserve. I pray that this gratitude will make me truly humble.",Whtsox,1,0,1,2020-01-12 06:37:26,alcoholicsanonymous,"Thought The longer we're in A.A., the more natural this way of life seems. Our old drinking lives were a very unnatural way of living. Our present sober lives are the most natural way we could possibly live. During the early years of our drinking, our lives weren't so different from the lives of a lot of other people. But as we gradually became problem drinkers, our lives became more and more unnatural. Do I realize now that the things I did were far from natural? Meditation I will say thank you to God for everything, even the seeming trials and worries. I will strive to be grateful and humble. My whole attitude toward the Higher Power will be one of gratitude. I will be glad for the things I have received. I will pass on what God reveals to me. I believe that more truths will flow in, as I go along in the new way of life. Prayer I pray that I may be grateful for the things I have received and do not deserve. I pray that this gratitude will make me truly humble.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ejobz3,16 years against the odds,0,chitchat,2,"If I can stop drinking for a long time, I believe just about anyone can, because; 1. I drank alcoholically for 30 years, 2. I am just about the least disciplined person I know, 3. I was a spiritual neophyte, 4. I consider myself to be very independent, 5. I am a painful introvert avoiding groups, 6. I dislike being told what to do or following directions, 7. I would rather learn from my own mistakes than from others' experience, 8. I had multiple co-occuring addictions, 9. I suffered from anxiety and depression, and 10. I am spoiled and want to get my own way, right now (impatient). Despite these impediments to recovery, how is it possible that I received longer-term sobriety? Alcohol beat me into submission (3 DUI's, divorce, health consequences, etc.) and I became desperate enough to want and seek help. I simply had to stop drinking because the consequences of my drinking had become too painful for me to bare. I begrudgingly went to AA, followed directions I didn't like, and haven't had to drink or drug since January 3, 2004. Early sobriety was an emotional roller coaster as my body and mind healed. My mental obsession with drinking was removed once I completed the Steps during my first year of recovery and I haven't had a troubling thought about drinking in the 15 years since. This is just my own personal experience. Happy New Year and gratitude to AA!",left_clique,44,0,26,2020-01-04 00:11:20,alcoholicsanonymous,"If I can stop drinking for a long time, I believe just about anyone can, because; 1. I drank alcoholically for 30 years, 2. I am just about the least disciplined person I know, 3. I was a spiritual neophyte, 4. I consider myself to be very independent, 5. I am a painful introvert avoiding groups, 6. I dislike being told what to do or following directions, 7. I would rather learn from my own mistakes than from others' experience, 8. I had multiple co-occuring addictions, 9. I suffered from anxiety and depression, and 10. I am spoiled and want to get my own way, right now (impatient). Despite these impediments to recovery, how is it possible that I received longer-term sobriety? Alcohol beat me into submission (3 DUI's, divorce, health consequences, etc.) and I became desperate enough to want and seek help. I simply had to stop drinking because the consequences of my drinking had become too painful for me to bare. I begrudgingly went to AA, followed directions I didn't like, and haven't had to drink or drug since January 3, 2004. Early sobriety was an emotional roller coaster as my body and mind healed. My mental obsession with drinking was removed once I completed the Steps during my first year of recovery and I haven't had a troubling thought about drinking in the 15 years since. This is just my own personal experience. Happy New Year and gratitude to AA!",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ey2c7s,"I’m sorry, what?",0,rant,1,"Youlette Wedgeworth, 52, asked a man to not put his tongue in her mouth while kissing. He did and she bit it. She’s in jail! She! He put his body inside hers after being told no and they put her in jail?!?!?! Free Wedgeworth!",Clio-Boeken,1,0,0,2020-02-03 05:48:57,rapecounseling,"Youlette Wedgeworth, 52, asked a man to not put his tongue in her mouth while kissing. He did and she bit it. She’s in jail! She! He put his body inside hers after being told no and they put her in jail?!?!?! Free Wedgeworth!",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 ei94mu,I forgot how it feels,1a,rant,1,"It flipped like a switch Here it is Depression is back with a vengeance My son is due in less than 3 weeks and out of nowhere I feel worthless I feel like giving up but I can’t I hope my perspective changes as quick as it came",taxininja27,1,0,0,2019-12-31 21:29:09,depression,It flipped like a switch Here it is Depression is back with a vengeance My son is due in less than 3 weeks and out of nowhere I feel worthless I feel like giving up but I can’t I hope my perspective changes as quick as it came,1,1,1,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you have depression,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how depression is making you feel,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you want your perspective to change,,True,111 f1i97w,"How to better respond to an angry person besides validation, listening and trying to keep the peace?",1b,help-seeking,1,"Hello Reddit. My husband has anger management issues and trouble managing stress. Earlier today while driving I had called him and he was angry at some shitty stuff that happened to him at work. He drives very dangerous when angry. Anyway I listened to him and tried to tell him that we could print out his stuff at home and that it would all be ok. When I told him to please drive safe, he got pissed and hung up mid sentence. Then I just got this message from him: ""I’m sorry for hanging up. I just don’t feel like you should always try to cool me down and I don’t want to accidentally say something I don’t mean. I love you too much"" I plan to ask him when he gets home how I can better respond. Anyway he is 1 hour away still. Any angry people out there have advice? He gets so angry sometimes that sometimes I don't understand why he overreacts so much. I guess I don't know how to handle it. I don't want him mad at me or to feel that I always try to calm him down. But what else can I do? Additional info: He has never been violent toward me and I am not afraid of him. I worry about his anger getting him into trouble. He also hits himself sometimes.",anamhudon,1,0,2,2020-02-10 00:46:52,Anger,"Hello Reddit. My husband has anger management issues and trouble managing stress. Earlier today while driving I had called him and he was angry at some shitty stuff that happened to him at work. He drives very dangerous when angry. Anyway I listened to him and tried to tell him that we could print out his stuff at home and that it would all be ok. When I told him to please drive safe, he got pissed and hung up mid sentence. Then I just got this message from him: ""I’m sorry for hanging up. I just don’t feel like you should always try to cool me down and I don’t want to accidentally say something I don’t mean. I love you too much"" I plan to ask him when he gets home how I can better respond. Anyway he is 1 hour away still. Any angry people out there have advice? He gets so angry sometimes that sometimes I don't understand why he overreacts so much. I guess I don't know how to handle it. I don't want him mad at me or to feel that I always try to calm him down. But what else can I do? Additional info: He has never been violent toward me and I am not afraid of him. I worry about his anger getting him into trouble. He also hits himself sometimes.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 ejr6ah,quitting subs CT (crossposted),1a,help-seeking,2,"this was cross posted in r/suboxone, wondering who can help. quitting cold turkey, please help i have to quit cold turkey off of suboxone after being on it for 3 months. there was some fucked up miscommunication at my clinic clearly. i am currently at a low dose, 2mg 2x a day. so here’s some background info: i’m going to leave the part about why i can’t get my subs out for now, long story short i was told one thing that was not correct and also currently do not have any money. edit: i only have one film left. the one person who knows everything about my addiction and recovery is my mom, and even still she is saying it’s my fault i waited too long to apply for unemployment/medicaid (i have adhd and anxiety which is why i forget about it). and i don’t have friends. i have no one. so, i think the financially responsible action would be to just go cold turkey. i won’t be able to keep getting help financially any more than i already have so coming up with the money almost isn’t an option (at least right now) and i’ve already felt bad enough having to ask people to help me. i don’t have access to benzos or clonidine or gabapentin as far as i am aware (but i’m still going to try), but i can get weed, kratom, and imodium. my withdrawal last time was pure agony, and i have a low threshold for pain and i am just simply terrified. i do have one strip left. can someone please help me out with the timeline of withdrawal, and when it will be worse, when i should take that strip or should split it up? i need help and i’m all on my own on this issue. i’m really scared and i wish i could talk to someone who understands. i’m already a mess alone this week, i’ve been very lonely and depressed and borderline suicidal. and i know that’s only going to get worse. if someone could please help me out that would be great because i don’t have much hope left in me right now.",winniedom,1,0,15,2020-01-04 03:48:21,OpiatesRecovery,"this was cross posted in r/suboxone, wondering who can help. quitting cold turkey, please help i have to quit cold turkey off of suboxone after being on it for 3 months. there was some fucked up miscommunication at my clinic clearly. i am currently at a low dose, 2mg 2x a day. so here’s some background info: i’m going to leave the part about why i can’t get my subs out for now, long story short i was told one thing that was not correct and also currently do not have any money. edit: i only have one film left. the one person who knows everything about my addiction and recovery is my mom, and even still she is saying it’s my fault i waited too long to apply for unemployment/medicaid (i have adhd and anxiety which is why i forget about it). and i don’t have friends. i have no one. so, i think the financially responsible action would be to just go cold turkey. i won’t be able to keep getting help financially any more than i already have so coming up with the money almost isn’t an option (at least right now) and i’ve already felt bad enough having to ask people to help me. i don’t have access to benzos or clonidine or gabapentin as far as i am aware (but i’m still going to try), but i can get weed, kratom, and imodium. my withdrawal last time was pure agony, and i have a low threshold for pain and i am just simply terrified. i do have one strip left. can someone please help me out with the timeline of withdrawal, and when it will be worse, when i should take that strip or should split it up? i need help and i’m all on my own on this issue. i’m really scared and i wish i could talk to someone who understands. i’m already a mess alone this week, i’ve been very lonely and depressed and borderline suicidal. and i know that’s only going to get worse. if someone could please help me out that would be great because i don’t have much hope left in me right now.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 em288c,Anyone ever recapture ambition after opiates?,0,survey,1,,Kcmudderman,1,0,16,2020-01-09 01:11:02,OpiatesRecovery,Anyone ever recapture ambition after opiates? nan,0,0,2,What happened that you want X ?,you want to recapture your ambition,Why are you wanting X ?,to get your ambition back after using opiates,,,,True,002 f1wtu5,"Broke some stuff, VA is no help.",1a,rant,1,"Was doing fine all morning, a few things started irritating me by the afternoon, then i snapped and busted my computer monitor. I just snap with out control and break shit, with out the care of consequences. VA has done shit for me, and my head doc just quit, so now i start over, again. I think ive had at least a different doc for each year ive been going to the VA o get better, i am up to 13 now. Nothing seems to help, except weed to calm me down. I dont know what else to do.",J99Pwrangler,1,0,6,2020-02-10 21:00:47,Anger,"Was doing fine all morning, a few things started irritating me by the afternoon, then i snapped and busted my computer monitor. I just snap with out control and break shit, with out the care of consequences. VA has done shit for me, and my head doc just quit, so now i start over, again. I think ive had at least a different doc for each year ive been going to the VA o get better, i am up to 13 now. Nothing seems to help, except weed to calm me down. I dont know what else to do.",1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what irritated you,How did X make you feel?,losing control and breaking things,What do you need help with now that X?,nothing helps in calming your anger,,True,100 f06pja,I want to die,1a,rant,1,I don’t want to deal with this shit anymore.,deeplynugget,1,0,3,2020-02-07 06:40:46,rapecounseling,I want to die I don’t want to deal with this shit anymore.,1,1,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you want to die,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you are feeling,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unable to deal with your condition,,True,110 enjxe6,"I don’t know if I’m an addict, could use some advice...",1a,help-seeking,2,"A lil backround info: I’m 15 years old, started smoking weed in 7th grade was a daily smoker by that summer and was also drinking and taking pills whenever I could get them. I quit weed for the first time about 50 days ago, because that was the cheapest stuff I could get to dull my emotions but it worked pretty well. The following weeks have been absolutely hell. I told myself that since I’m quitting weed (the thing I have the biggest problem with I still think about it all day every day) It’s okay for me to do kratom/armodafinil/adderall/alcohol/DXM/literally anything else I can get since those things don’t really fuck me up as much and I don’t revolve my life around them and I’m cycling between substances. Well now I’m thinking that I’m not addicted to weed, I’m addicted to feeling anything but how I feel when I’m sober. I mean, I’m so depressed lonely and miserable, social anxiety off the charts, but I think it may be the drugs that cause this. I keep telling myself I have to do drugs because my life is so miserable sober that its not worth living unless Im high. Well now I realize I’m tired of only having a couple hours a day where I get to feel okay. I hate just having to stay alive being unbearably miserable and utterly alone, but I don’t know what else to do. I don’t have the energy when I’m sober to do schoolwork and get good grades, I sleep 10-12 hours a day when I’m not on stims, and no matter how much sleep I get, I ALWAYS FEEL HORRIBLE. Like i’ve just been hit by a bus. Life is so unbearable, and drugs are the only thing that give me one fucking second of peace. I guess I just need to know, is it possible that the drugs in the end are causing this? Maybe it’s not depression and anxiety, but instead the “withdrawal” from not having that dopamine/serotonin boost. I’m scared to just quit because I don’t think I can live like this. I have nobody to help me, my family and friends don’t understand. Also, quitting drugs will make me super unpopular since everyone in high school does it. The fact that I can do more than everybody else and started so early is kind of the only thing I have going for me, pathetic I know. Anyways thanks for reading. I just need to know, should I quit? Why? And am I an addict?",Im18DontBanMe,1,0,5,2020-01-12 06:13:23,addiction,"A lil backround info: I’m 15 years old, started smoking weed in 7th grade was a daily smoker by that summer and was also drinking and taking pills whenever I could get them. I quit weed for the first time about 50 days ago, because that was the cheapest stuff I could get to dull my emotions but it worked pretty well. The following weeks have been absolutely hell. I told myself that since I’m quitting weed (the thing I have the biggest problem with I still think about it all day every day) It’s okay for me to do kratom/armodafinil/adderall/alcohol/DXM/literally anything else I can get since those things don’t really fuck me up as much and I don’t revolve my life around them and I’m cycling between substances. Well now I’m thinking that I’m not addicted to weed, I’m addicted to feeling anything but how I feel when I’m sober. I mean, I’m so depressed lonely and miserable, social anxiety off the charts, but I think it may be the drugs that cause this. I keep telling myself I have to do drugs because my life is so miserable sober that its not worth living unless Im high. Well now I realize I’m tired of only having a couple hours a day where I get to feel okay. I hate just having to stay alive being unbearably miserable and utterly alone, but I don’t know what else to do. I don’t have the energy when I’m sober to do schoolwork and get good grades, I sleep 10-12 hours a day when I’m not on stims, and no matter how much sleep I get, I ALWAYS FEEL HORRIBLE. Like i’ve just been hit by a bus. Life is so unbearable, and drugs are the only thing that give me one fucking second of peace. I guess I just need to know, is it possible that the drugs in the end are causing this? Maybe it’s not depression and anxiety, but instead the “withdrawal” from not having that dopamine/serotonin boost. I’m scared to just quit because I don’t think I can live like this. I have nobody to help me, my family and friends don’t understand. Also, quitting drugs will make me super unpopular since everyone in high school does it. The fact that I can do more than everybody else and started so early is kind of the only thing I have going for me, pathetic I know. Anyways thanks for reading. I just need to know, should I quit? Why? And am I an addict?",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eiapr1,I really really wish I had just 1 friend.,1a,help-seeking,2,"I know I'm not the only lonely fuck on New Year's Eve. But I am really lonely. I get to drink a lot of alcohol by myself tonight. My only friend is my recently-made ex, which makes things weird and confusing. I got what I wanted, which was to live alone in my own house with my own rules, but that guy was all I had left and obviously we cant keep hanging out all the time, he has his own life now, I have my POS existence to deal with.. I have no idea how to make friends, and just thinking about how lonely I am makes me cry. And I cry about it every day. I live in Orlando and go to Full Sail University and have an XBox, I just wanna connect with a new person and have them stay in my life for a little and get along and laugh and feel good about life for once. Why is that so hard to find? I try to make conversations with other people but they last for 2 minutes before they stop talking? What am I doing wrong? I didn't want to devolve this far, but I am desperate to meet a new person who has similar interests and wants to carry on a friendship with me. I've even tried using tinder to meet a new friend .... I feel like I have to put out a resume on myself, advertise that I wanna socialize bc all my efforts thus far have failed and I am thinking about self harm again I doubt posting this will change anything but I can't burden my last friend with this all the time even though he offers support and I cant keep it bottled up anymore either or I cant breathe",Danythepup1,1,0,3,2019-12-31 23:37:04,depression," I really really wish I had just 1 friend. I know I'm not the only lonely fuck on New Year's Eve. But I am really lonely. I get to drink a lot of alcohol by myself tonight. My only friend is my recently-made ex, which makes things weird and confusing. I got what I wanted, which was to live alone in my own house with my own rules, but that guy was all I had left and obviously we cant keep hanging out all the time, he has his own life now, I have my POS existence to deal with.. I have no idea how to make friends, and just thinking about how lonely I am makes me cry. And I cry about it every day. I live in Orlando and go to Full Sail University and have an XBox, I just wanna connect with a new person and have them stay in my life for a little and get along and laugh and feel good about life for once. Why is that so hard to find? I try to make conversations with other people but they last for 2 minutes before they stop talking? What am I doing wrong? I didn't want to devolve this far, but I am desperate to meet a new person who has similar interests and wants to carry on a friendship with me. I've even tried using tinder to meet a new friend .... I feel like I have to put out a resume on myself, advertise that I wanna socialize bc all my efforts thus far have failed and I am thinking about self harm again I doubt posting this will change anything but I can't burden my last friend with this all the time even though he offers support and I cant keep it bottled up anymore either or I cant breathe",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 ejgtfq,Get over yourself.,1a,rant,2,"I yelled this at myself while breaking down and crying in my car. Full on yelled. I wasnt thinking, and I drove to Ace Hardware and bought a razor blade knife. I cut for the first time in a long long while. Why? I have abandonment issues. The best way I can describe it is Moomintroll and Snufkin. I love my best friend to death, and I would do anything for him... but I come off as clingy and obsessive. I dont mean to be, I just dont want to lose him as a friend again. He means the world to me, but he just stopped answering my messages today. Were supposed to hang out all day, and I waited outside his building for 1 hour... two... three... still no texts or calls. He forgot about our weekly hangout... he forgot about me. I'm just so goddamn unmemorable that no one would care if I was hospitalized or dead. Everyone always forgets about me... I guess that makes it easier to hurt myself... less guilt. When people dont care about you its easier to get away with... anyways... yeah. I'm not okay. I'm kinda glad I keep I suicide note on me at all times... just in case. Now, I have to go to therapy with a lacerated arm, no bandages, and then work... I dont wanna go... I wanna hurt myself... I'm sorry",Bamalachacha,27,0,7,2020-01-03 15:23:59,selfharm,"I yelled this at myself while breaking down and crying in my car. Full on yelled. I wasnt thinking, and I drove to Ace Hardware and bought a razor blade knife. I cut for the first time in a long long while. Why? I have abandonment issues. The best way I can describe it is Moomintroll and Snufkin. I love my best friend to death, and I would do anything for him... but I come off as clingy and obsessive. I dont mean to be, I just dont want to lose him as a friend again. He means the world to me, but he just stopped answering my messages today. Were supposed to hang out all day, and I waited outside his building for 1 hour... two... three... still no texts or calls. He forgot about our weekly hangout... he forgot about me. I'm just so goddamn unmemorable that no one would care if I was hospitalized or dead. Everyone always forgets about me... I guess that makes it easier to hurt myself... less guilt. When people dont care about you its easier to get away with... anyways... yeah. I'm not okay. I'm kinda glad I keep I suicide note on me at all times... just in case. Now, I have to go to therapy with a lacerated arm, no bandages, and then work... I dont wanna go... I wanna hurt myself... I'm sorry",2,0,0,,,How did X make you feel?,your best friend forgetting about you,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel hurt that your best friend forgot about you,,True,200 em6z13,Why do I feel repulsed when people touch me?,1a,help-seeking,1,Even just small things like someone putting their hands on my shoulders or something like that makes my skin crawl. Just thinking about it makes me sick and i don’t know why. Is there something wrong with me?,beahux02,1,0,1,2020-01-09 08:39:46,mentalillness,Why do I feel repulsed when people touch me? Even just small things like someone putting their hands on my shoulders or something like that makes my skin crawl. Just thinking about it makes me sick and i don’t know why. Is there something wrong with me?,1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you feel repulsed by touch,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel sick when people touch you,,True,120 eksuqo,A self-help resource to help with PTSD nightmares,0,chitchat,1,"Please take a look at this 5 minute YouTube animation which explains why we have nightmares after trauma, and how to stop them. Please share and comment on what you think - this is the culmination of 6 years PhD work with military veterans https://youtu.be/lv38dzpcxfA",DrJustinHAvens,1,0,13,2020-01-06 11:22:23,ptsd,"Please take a look at this 5 minute YouTube animation which explains why we have nightmares after trauma, and how to stop them. Please share and comment on what you think - this is the culmination of 6 years PhD work with military veterans https://youtu.be/lv38dzpcxfA",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ejok14,My life is depressing,1a,rant,1,,Luigi_Goggins,1,0,0,2020-01-04 00:27:18,sad,My life is depressing nan,0,1,0,What made you feel X ?,depressed,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about your life,What can help you overcome X ?,this depressive feeling,,True,010 ekwzav,Im Severly Addicted to Binge Watching Shows!! HELP!,1a,help-seeking,1,"I know this might not sound as serious any other addiction, But its affecting my work life and my relationship with the people around me. My Addiction to always having my phone in my hand watching Netflix/Hulu/AmazonPrime is driving me crazy and at the same time the people around me. I seem unavailable for everything. I miss out oppurtunities and never get my work done as I intend to . Please help me",RJSD3V,1,0,11,2020-01-06 17:11:35,addiction,"Im Severly Addicted to Binge Watching Shows!! HELP! I know this might not sound as serious any other addiction, But its affecting my work life and my relationship with the people around me. My Addiction to always having my phone in my hand watching Netflix/Hulu/AmazonPrime is driving me crazy and at the same time the people around me. I seem unavailable for everything. I miss out oppurtunities and never get my work done as I intend to . Please help me",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unable to control your binge watching,title,True,220 ei8kni,"Adios 2019, hello to a better year!",1a,rant,2,"Trying to remain possitive despite my mental health getting worse. I will NOT let depression be the boss of me! This year I had to move cities due to financial reasons (city I lived in was expensive to rent but the wages across the city were low, pretty shitty). Got a new job closer to my parents so I have the support network closer, which has been a good decision, but the downfall is that I've had to move back in with them. They are lovely and I love them so much, but living independently for 5 years to then move back while I find somewhere to rent feels like a step back. I didn't want to rush into somewhere and then not like it, I want to be happy with where I choose to call home next since it's my own place (first time living alone, lived with best friend for years but they moved overseas for an opportunity). I also didn't have the support network in my old city, I realised my friends were only friend with me because I lived with my best friend (once they moved overseas, my other friends stopped talking to me as much). It's been hard to realise I don't have a good personality and that I'm not important, I couldn't talk to them about the changes I was facing, or just talk about other things that weren't about how I was feeling! That was hard to realise and it's knocked me back a lot. There has been a lot of sudden changes recently and my mental health is flagging, but I know this could mean a new opportunity is waiting for me around the bend! Sorry for the rant, I'm spending NYE alone as always and I just wanted to reflect on this year. I don't have any friends to talk to tonight but that's okay, it's only temporary. I hope you all have a nice night and a happy new year!",bees-with-hats,1,0,2,2019-12-31 20:44:53,depression,"Trying to remain possitive despite my mental health getting worse. I will NOT let depression be the boss of me! This year I had to move cities due to financial reasons (city I lived in was expensive to rent but the wages across the city were low, pretty shitty). Got a new job closer to my parents so I have the support network closer, which has been a good decision, but the downfall is that I've had to move back in with them. They are lovely and I love them so much, but living independently for 5 years to then move back while I find somewhere to rent feels like a step back. I didn't want to rush into somewhere and then not like it, I want to be happy with where I choose to call home next since it's my own place (first time living alone, lived with best friend for years but they moved overseas for an opportunity). I also didn't have the support network in my old city, I realised my friends were only friend with me because I lived with my best friend (once they moved overseas, my other friends stopped talking to me as much). It's been hard to realise I don't have a good personality and that I'm not important, I couldn't talk to them about the changes I was facing, or just talk about other things that weren't about how I was feeling! That was hard to realise and it's knocked me back a lot. There has been a lot of sudden changes recently and my mental health is flagging, but I know this could mean a new opportunity is waiting for me around the bend! Sorry for the rant, I'm spending NYE alone as always and I just wanted to reflect on this year. I don't have any friends to talk to tonight but that's okay, it's only temporary. I hope you all have a nice night and a happy new year!",2,1,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how your mental health is flagging,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you want deal with the sudden changes ,,True,211 eidjc4,Fuck me I guess...,1c,rant,2,,mevy2323,1,0,4,2020-01-01 03:48:25,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ejrxyw,Smoking weed 2 days sober from booze ya whatever right man,0,chitchat,3,Fuck yea,iamhopeless256,1,0,0,2020-01-04 04:51:24,addiction,Fuck yea,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 eioiw3,Feel so alone,1b,rant,1,"I feel so alone, I’m surrounded by people but I want my girlfriend for some reason she is being rude and not loving at all. I’m so sad, I want her to show me love. I spent New Year’s Eve alone because she picked a fight and didn’t want to come over.",Mrsandman1118,1,0,4,2020-01-01 22:01:56,sad,"I feel so alone, I’m surrounded by people but I want my girlfriend for some reason she is being rude and not loving at all. I’m so sad, I want her to show me love. I spent New Year’s Eve alone because she picked a fight and didn’t want to come over.",1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,the fight,,,,,,True,122 ei8dqf,My recovery (and associated guilt),1a,rant,3,"So I have been on methadone 12mg now for close to two years. The wheels fell off early in but I was on suboxone 16mg then. Once I switched across I stabalised. During my ""sobriety"" I was weed free would use speed still, recreationally, but my vice was/is anything opiate. Now the past 6 months have been challenging. I've found myself unemployed/struggling to start my own business for the first time in my life. Massively Stressed. I have worked since 14 and I'm 29 I'm lost not working. That's not all though. I lost a mate to suicide, a mate died in his sleep my age leaving behind a young family. My cousin was murdered in front of his mum and I missed the funeral due to the bushfires trapping us all in the last month. More to add but the stress comes in later, my dad had a mini stroke and spent 4 days in hospital starting boxing day. So I hadn't actually stopped and really assessed any of my emotions and they all come tumbling in when I was trapped in my hometown away from my girlfriend unsure if the family could get to her by Christmas. I was due to be there 1 day to pick mum up for the funeral which was back where me and my girlfriend live. Ended up stuck there for 3 days and she put in a massive effort and pulled of a huge christmas feast, decorated the house and still worked. So some appreciation there she did well. But back to the story, as i had only planned to be gone a day I got dosed that friday morning (friday before christmas). Now I have missed 3 days a few times before due to travelling for work and could do 2 days fine 3rd id start feeling it. Restless legs, cramps, sweats. So during the 3 days stuck in my hometown I found myself not so narrowly focused on building my business (some days up to 18 hours a day) and just started to question my sanity and start worrying maybe I had lost it then vocalised my fears to my brother which ended up being a bit of an epiphany and something just switched. I realised how misarble the last 2 years have been and a big part is the clinic. Getting dosed daily needing to do hours of work to get a scripts sent across state and just an overall feeling of defeat. So I made the decision to stay off my dose and hurt it out. So this is where the guilt comes in. My girlfriend has stood by me through this, been very patient and forgiving. I lie, I can't admit a problem to myself let alone a loved one thats my defense. And it kills her. No lies is all she wants. Which I totally get and do my absolute best to do. So when I made this snap decision I said that this isn't me deciding im stopping without us having a conversation. Which was a lie. I knew I had to stop but knew she would resist. So no conversation- however I opted to stay on as an impatient with no dose and still seek cousilling and other support or even do detox if that'll make her happy. But there was no way I was getting dosed anymore. Now in my head I know this is unfair but this feeling of dred this is something I have to do and know will be 100% successful. If I want it for real I can do it, most of the time I'm just pretending. So I continue to not get dosed. Day 3 I had some valium 5mg but only took 1 or half at a time as I just wanted it over. And took a few christmas morning for cheer. Since then been 100% clean minus weed and nurophen. So weed is new for me as the last 2 years not smoked and this will upset my girlfriend as weed is the drug that has gotten me in legal trouble previously. But I felt I needed it for getting through. Anyway, now I am here mostly through the worse of it (I hope) I've not experienced anything as bad as stories I've heard which scares me more is coming but I know if I'm sitting around the house bored and sick and shes working I will use. Which I told her as honestly is something im working on. But given Christmas, her work, life stress she is just exhausted, stressed about me and just over it. We have spent zero time together since before christmas and now that my family left today I have no distractions. And the thoughts are creeping in. So I need out. I wasn't home all day today and tried my best to get back by midnight but the trains were fucked and 4 minutes past I got a thanks for making it back sarcastic text and i can see my fucking house, so i just go to the pub and drink come home 2am locked out till 4. She let me in we have some words, nothing of much calibre we're both exhausted. Cause of my withdrawals we have been sleeping in seperate beds so we don't feel close. Now she is working and sick of my family so shes staunchly firm about being here for the next few days/week which I totally get, she's just landed her dream job too. But I need out, I can't be bored here, I have no friends who don't do drugs, and for me to get through this I want to go to my hometown for 3-5 days. Its a really shitty situation where there is no ideal scenario for either party that isnt unfair to each other. I just need to know if I am being unreal, and blowing her world away? Or should she see how important this is to both me and us (in my mind) and show support? Do I need to stop, get back on my dose and reduce to quit it in her words ""as recommended by a doctor"" or I'm that far in now why stop? I'm just really lost and feeling guilty. And also need to get out and chill for a bit.",greensheets42,1,0,0,2019-12-31 20:30:09,OpiatesRecovery,"So I have been on methadone 12mg now for close to two years. The wheels fell off early in but I was on suboxone 16mg then. Once I switched across I stabalised. During my ""sobriety"" I was weed free would use speed still, recreationally, but my vice was/is anything opiate. Now the past 6 months have been challenging. I've found myself unemployed/struggling to start my own business for the first time in my life. Massively Stressed. I have worked since 14 and I'm 29 I'm lost not working. That's not all though. I lost a mate to suicide, a mate died in his sleep my age leaving behind a young family. My cousin was murdered in front of his mum and I missed the funeral due to the bushfires trapping us all in the last month. More to add but the stress comes in later, my dad had a mini stroke and spent 4 days in hospital starting boxing day. So I hadn't actually stopped and really assessed any of my emotions and they all come tumbling in when I was trapped in my hometown away from my girlfriend unsure if the family could get to her by Christmas. I was due to be there 1 day to pick mum up for the funeral which was back where me and my girlfriend live. Ended up stuck there for 3 days and she put in a massive effort and pulled of a huge christmas feast, decorated the house and still worked. So some appreciation there she did well. But back to the story, as i had only planned to be gone a day I got dosed that friday morning (friday before christmas). Now I have missed 3 days a few times before due to travelling for work and could do 2 days fine 3rd id start feeling it. Restless legs, cramps, sweats. So during the 3 days stuck in my hometown I found myself not so narrowly focused on building my business (some days up to 18 hours a day) and just started to question my sanity and start worrying maybe I had lost it then vocalised my fears to my brother which ended up being a bit of an epiphany and something just switched. I realised how misarble the last 2 years have been and a big part is the clinic. Getting dosed daily needing to do hours of work to get a scripts sent across state and just an overall feeling of defeat. So I made the decision to stay off my dose and hurt it out. So this is where the guilt comes in. My girlfriend has stood by me through this, been very patient and forgiving. I lie, I can't admit a problem to myself let alone a loved one thats my defense. And it kills her. No lies is all she wants. Which I totally get and do my absolute best to do. So when I made this snap decision I said that this isn't me deciding im stopping without us having a conversation. Which was a lie. I knew I had to stop but knew she would resist. So no conversation- however I opted to stay on as an impatient with no dose and still seek cousilling and other support or even do detox if that'll make her happy. But there was no way I was getting dosed anymore. Now in my head I know this is unfair but this feeling of dred this is something I have to do and know will be 100% successful. If I want it for real I can do it, most of the time I'm just pretending. So I continue to not get dosed. Day 3 I had some valium 5mg but only took 1 or half at a time as I just wanted it over. And took a few christmas morning for cheer. Since then been 100% clean minus weed and nurophen. So weed is new for me as the last 2 years not smoked and this will upset my girlfriend as weed is the drug that has gotten me in legal trouble previously. But I felt I needed it for getting through. Anyway, now I am here mostly through the worse of it (I hope) I've not experienced anything as bad as stories I've heard which scares me more is coming but I know if I'm sitting around the house bored and sick and shes working I will use. Which I told her as honestly is something im working on. But given Christmas, her work, life stress she is just exhausted, stressed about me and just over it. We have spent zero time together since before christmas and now that my family left today I have no distractions. And the thoughts are creeping in. So I need out. I wasn't home all day today and tried my best to get back by midnight but the trains were fucked and 4 minutes past I got a thanks for making it back sarcastic text and i can see my fucking house, so i just go to the pub and drink come home 2am locked out till 4. She let me in we have some words, nothing of much calibre we're both exhausted. Cause of my withdrawals we have been sleeping in seperate beds so we don't feel close. Now she is working and sick of my family so shes staunchly firm about being here for the next few days/week which I totally get, she's just landed her dream job too. But I need out, I can't be bored here, I have no friends who don't do drugs, and for me to get through this I want to go to my hometown for 3-5 days. Its a really shitty situation where there is no ideal scenario for either party that isnt unfair to each other. I just need to know if I am being unreal, and blowing her world away? Or should she see how important this is to both me and us (in my mind) and show support? Do I need to stop, get back on my dose and reduce to quit it in her words ""as recommended by a doctor"" or I'm that far in now why stop? I'm just really lost and feeling guilty. And also need to get out and chill for a bit.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eibq0l,I miss my ex,0,rant,1,I miss my ex so fucking much she ment everything to me I've like her for 3 years and got the chance to meet her in 2019 we were together until November and only got to be with each other for 4 months because we had sex which will be my biggest regret in the word. I hate my life so much her family were so nice to me. I just want to die and breakdown I haven't cried in 7 years and all I want to is fully open up and cry in her arms she was the best thing that has ever happened to me my most amazing relationship the only person that cards and tried to make me happy the only person that made me smile. I love her so fucking much and just want her back. I've seen her friend vsco and she looked happy and thats all I want for her she went through so much so I'm not gonna try get back into her life r talk to her I just want her to be happy and have a better life and new year than I ever will. I wish she could see this so she would know how much of cared,SoPsycho_Gaming,1,0,1,2020-01-01 00:58:04,depression,I miss my ex so fucking much she ment everything to me I've like her for 3 years and got the chance to meet her in 2019 we were together until November and only got to be with each other for 4 months because we had sex which will be my biggest regret in the word. I hate my life so much her family were so nice to me. I just want to die and breakdown I haven't cried in 7 years and all I want to is fully open up and cry in her arms she was the best thing that has ever happened to me my most amazing relationship the only person that cards and tried to make me happy the only person that made me smile. I love her so fucking much and just want her back. I've seen her friend vsco and she looked happy and thats all I want for her she went through so much so I'm not gonna try get back into her life r talk to her I just want her to be happy and have a better life and new year than I ever will. I wish she could see this so she would know how much of cared,1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you hate your life,,,,,,True,122 el5h2k,"Sometimes I just feel empty. Completely devoid. Like an empty shell. I never know why I feel that, there’s normally no reason and it passes quickly. Wouldn’t want to live like that forever.",1a,rant,1,,WellJimmyCrackedCorn,1,0,0,2020-01-07 03:23:22,sad,"Sometimes I just feel empty. Completely devoid. Like an empty shell. I never know why I feel that, there’s normally no reason and it passes quickly. Wouldn’t want to live like that forever. nan",2,2,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you not feel empty,,True,221 eizuj7,New year new realisations...,0,chitchat,1,"I’ve always wondered how I could ‘find my true self’ with BPD - And I think I’ve realised that the reason I have such an ever-changing image of myself, even down to what I want to wear, is because I am a people pleaser. I want to be liked and approved by everyone, so I subconsciously want to dress like the individuals I’ve spent time with so they approve of me and enjoy my company. It’s only something small I’ve discovered about myself, and it may have been extremely self explanatory to most, but for me it’s huge. I’ve always wondered why I never feel in place with people until I almost mirror them. This is a negative aspect of who I am and now I’ve understood it, I can learn how to move on from it and be my own **Bad Ass Self™️** !!! Hope everyone has a pleasant day today :)",smileateverydog,1,0,0,2020-01-02 15:48:27,BPD,"I’ve always wondered how I could ‘find my true self’ with BPD - And I think I’ve realised that the reason I have such an ever-changing image of myself, even down to what I want to wear, is because I am a people pleaser. I want to be liked and approved by everyone, so I subconsciously want to dress like the individuals I’ve spent time with so they approve of me and enjoy my company. It’s only something small I’ve discovered about myself, and it may have been extremely self explanatory to most, but for me it’s huge. I’ve always wondered why I never feel in place with people until I almost mirror them. This is a negative aspect of who I am and now I’ve understood it, I can learn how to move on from it and be my own **Bad Ass Self™️** !!! Hope everyone has a pleasant day today :)",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you plan to move on from your negative aspects,,True,220 eioawq,How do you deal with repetitive and intrusive thoughts about your body/health?,1a,help-seeking,1,"I go to therapy intermittently, but it has been a few months since the last visit. I will be making an appointment soon. Until then, I'm not sure what to do. I obsess over symptoms until I'm not sure what symptoms are real and which I only think I'm feeling. I know I'm a young (26 f) and relatively healthy person but the thoughts cycle and cycle and once I get over one it seems like another one comes along. I'm just really tired of feeling like something is always wrong, even though I logically know there's not. I am on Sertraline for anxiety and a low dosage of Trazodone as a sleep aid.",SasquatchMini,1,0,2,2020-01-01 21:45:20,Anxiety,"I go to therapy intermittently, but it has been a few months since the last visit. I will be making an appointment soon. Until then, I'm not sure what to do. I obsess over symptoms until I'm not sure what symptoms are real and which I only think I'm feeling. I know I'm a young (26 f) and relatively healthy person but the thoughts cycle and cycle and once I get over one it seems like another one comes along. I'm just really tired of feeling like something is always wrong, even though I logically know there's not. I am on Sertraline for anxiety and a low dosage of Trazodone as a sleep aid.",2,1,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,title,True,212 fmkyoe,When do you disclose your mental health issue to your friends?,1a,help-seeking,1,"I told my close friend (of 6 years) about it and she essentially ghosted me. Before that, a really close friend of 2 years cut contact with me and all our mutual friends when I told him I had depression (we had a deep conversation after he told me that he wanted to be in a relationship with me). I feel like somebody will suggest ""don't share"" but I'm sick of worrying about if my friends are ok with the fact that I struggle with depression. I'm sick of acting like I'm okay. I want to be around people that wholly love and accept me as a person, struggles and flaws and all. I've gotten so paranoid and hurt over this that I casually dropped the fact that I was seeing a therapist and taking meds for depression to a new friend I've only known for a week that I met playing sports. Overdisclosure? Probably. But I can't handle putting time and love and care into people and close friendships, only to watch them ghost me when I say ""I struggle with depression"".",anonymousturtlebro,1,0,7,2020-03-21 19:47:19,getting_over_it,"When do you disclose your mental health issue to your friends? I told my close friend (of 6 years) about it and she essentially ghosted me. Before that, a really close friend of 2 years cut contact with me and all our mutual friends when I told him I had depression (we had a deep conversation after he told me that he wanted to be in a relationship with me). I feel like somebody will suggest ""don't share"" but I'm sick of worrying about if my friends are ok with the fact that I struggle with depression. I'm sick of acting like I'm okay. I want to be around people that wholly love and accept me as a person, struggles and flaws and all. I've gotten so paranoid and hurt over this that I casually dropped the fact that I was seeing a therapist and taking meds for depression to a new friend I've only known for a week that I met playing sports. Overdisclosure? Probably. But I can't handle putting time and love and care into people and close friendships, only to watch them ghost me when I say ""I struggle with depression"".",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eihvqd,I find comfort in strange places,0,rant,1,"My anxiety is the worst during social activities, but some things oddly relieve it, like driving in a snow storm, walking outside during a thunderstorm, rock climbing. I fantasize about the world ending a lot, like it would somehow give me purpose, i don't know",TheWordLiterally,1,0,1,2020-01-01 12:30:23,Anxiety,"My anxiety is the worst during social activities, but some things oddly relieve it, like driving in a snow storm, walking outside during a thunderstorm, rock climbing. I fantasize about the world ending a lot, like it would somehow give me purpose, i don't know",1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why social activities make you anxious,How did X make you feel?,your anxiety,What do you need help with now that X?,anxiety is making you have morose thoughts,,True,100 eo45d7,I’m addicted to making myself unattractive and it’s hurting my health,1a,rant,1,"I was raped by two men when I was 16 and the fear of it happening again has made me maim myself. I have scars, purposefully ugly tattoos, I never dress in decent cloths, I’ve make myself fat and I don’t even enjoy eating. I just want to be undesirable. I want men to be disgusted by my appearance and I hate compliments. I really need to lose weight and take care of myself because I’m unhealthy but I’m scared. I don’t want to be a target. I don’t want attention. Even now I still get unwanted attention and it makes me feel disgusting and uncomfortable. It doesn’t help that most men don’t get it and treat you like you’re some kind of bitch for not getting for eyed about their overly aggressively flirting. I’ve had men chase me down in parking lots and corner me at gas stations. I probably have ptsd because this makes me unreasonably comfortable. It doesn’t matter how ugly I make myself. My family doesn’t understand and mocks me. I’ve honestly even considered transitioning from female to male because it feels safer but I know I’m not actually trans. It would just be another layer against me and my problem. Being the way I am feels vulnerable and I don’t want to be vulnerable.",gogochai,1,0,25,2020-01-13 13:32:20,addiction,"I was raped by two men when I was 16 and the fear of it happening again has made me maim myself. I have scars, purposefully ugly tattoos, I never dress in decent cloths, I’ve make myself fat and I don’t even enjoy eating. I just want to be undesirable. I want men to be disgusted by my appearance and I hate compliments. I really need to lose weight and take care of myself because I’m unhealthy but I’m scared. I don’t want to be a target. I don’t want attention. Even now I still get unwanted attention and it makes me feel disgusting and uncomfortable. It doesn’t help that most men don’t get it and treat you like you’re some kind of bitch for not getting for eyed about their overly aggressively flirting. I’ve had men chase me down in parking lots and corner me at gas stations. I probably have ptsd because this makes me unreasonably comfortable. It doesn’t matter how ugly I make myself. My family doesn’t understand and mocks me. I’ve honestly even considered transitioning from female to male because it feels safer but I know I’m not actually trans. It would just be another layer against me and my problem. Being the way I am feels vulnerable and I don’t want to be vulnerable.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eib6ym,Happy new year everyone!,0,chitchat,1,Here’s hoping we all have a better year and find ourselves overcoming this monstrosity of an illness. Well done to everyone for going another year dealing with everything they have to deal with! Here’s to a better year 🍻,Rikc16,1,0,0,2020-01-01 00:15:10,Anxiety,Here’s hoping we all have a better year and find ourselves overcoming this monstrosity of an illness. Well done to everyone for going another year dealing with everything they have to deal with! Here’s to a better year 🍻,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 eiicw6,"Sad new year: Gf left me, have no more friends and have a bad chronic disease",1a,rant,2,"2019 was the worst year in my life. Me (26M) learned at the start of the year that I have a uncurable chronical neurological disease, and I'm going to have more and more issues over the years. Had horrible holidays with my gf (5 years anniversary next week) and she left me last month. Thinking of a way to collect the money for my medication since my insurance doesn't want to pay for it. The medication I want costs 150.000€ and has to start within first 5 years of the disease. Have spent around 3 months this year in the hospital. Oh my brother married and I couldn't be there because I was lying in the hospital, when I was asked why I didn't came I told I had to work and my supervisor didn't let me go. Having Family Support, my supervisor knows and tells me to go home whenever I don't feel good at full pay. Don't want to tell everyone at work what issues I have. Also can't drink alcohol and it is disturbing how often I have to tell people that I don't want to drink. Again and again and again. Didn't know that in today's time I need to justify myself for not taking drugs Thanks for reading this until here",awesomeGuyViral,1,0,3,2020-01-01 13:31:17,sad,"2019 was the worst year in my life. Me (26M) learned at the start of the year that I have a uncurable chronical neurological disease, and I'm going to have more and more issues over the years. Had horrible holidays with my gf (5 years anniversary next week) and she left me last month. Thinking of a way to collect the money for my medication since my insurance doesn't want to pay for it. The medication I want costs 150.000€ and has to start within first 5 years of the disease. Have spent around 3 months this year in the hospital. Oh my brother married and I couldn't be there because I was lying in the hospital, when I was asked why I didn't came I told I had to work and my supervisor didn't let me go. Having Family Support, my supervisor knows and tells me to go home whenever I don't feel good at full pay. Don't want to tell everyone at work what issues I have. Also can't drink alcohol and it is disturbing how often I have to tell people that I don't want to drink. Again and again and again. Didn't know that in today's time I need to justify myself for not taking drugs Thanks for reading this until here",2,1,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about last year,What do you need help with now that X?,so many unfortunate events happened in the past year,,True,210 el7fjx,I feel weird around my dad now and he did nothing wrong,1a,help-seeking,1,"Hi, I guess I am just hoping to see if anyone can relate or maybe offer some advice. I was assaulted about a month and a half ago by a middle-aged man. I am staying with my parents over the holidays and I am noticing that now when I am around my dad (an awesome, loving, wonderful, non-abusive, wouldn't hurt a fly dad) I feel really strange. I feel afraid, and I also feel guilty for feeling afraid, because he did nothing wrong, but I *feel* like he did, if that makes sense. My dad pat my shoulder yesterday and I felt so weird. I know logically he is not my attacker, and I have nothing to fear around him, but I just get so nervous. It even feels like he is a completely different person in those moments. It's difficult to explain. I feel awful about it because my dad is the nicest guy in the world. Maybe I am associating him with the rapist because they are similar ages? I feel terrible. I know my dad would feel awful if he knew this, too. Any advice, support, or words of wisdom would be appreciated. I just want things to be normal again. Thanks for reading",vannobanna,1,0,6,2020-01-07 06:08:02,rapecounseling,"Hi, I guess I am just hoping to see if anyone can relate or maybe offer some advice. I was assaulted about a month and a half ago by a middle-aged man. I am staying with my parents over the holidays and I am noticing that now when I am around my dad (an awesome, loving, wonderful, non-abusive, wouldn't hurt a fly dad) I feel really strange. I feel afraid, and I also feel guilty for feeling afraid, because he did nothing wrong, but I *feel* like he did, if that makes sense. My dad pat my shoulder yesterday and I felt so weird. I know logically he is not my attacker, and I have nothing to fear around him, but I just get so nervous. It even feels like he is a completely different person in those moments. It's difficult to explain. I feel awful about it because my dad is the nicest guy in the world. Maybe I am associating him with the rapist because they are similar ages? I feel terrible. I know my dad would feel awful if he knew this, too. Any advice, support, or words of wisdom would be appreciated. I just want things to be normal again. Thanks for reading",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ejnc1x,All of this is just a problem that the society..,0,rant,1,"All of this is just a problem that we think that society is the problem But in the reality we are just trying to find a way to get away and forget about pain(mental pain{the worst pain}). We can not run from it. We can not get away from it forever. We can not forget it. We can not get use to it. And it is not the worst part. The worst part it no one really understands us. From a book that am writing, ""The boy of our story"". - I didn't write this, my pain wrote it for me.",belal_mrb2,3,0,2,2020-01-03 22:58:50,selfharm,"All of this is just a problem that we think that society is the problem But in the reality we are just trying to find a way to get away and forget about pain(mental pain{the worst pain}). We can not run from it. We can not get away from it forever. We can not forget it. We can not get use to it. And it is not the worst part. The worst part it no one really understands us. From a book that am writing, ""The boy of our story"". - I didn't write this, my pain wrote it for me.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 eibgk5,I'm Drunk,0,chitchat,1,"This is to a great, fucking MAGNIFICENT new year! &#x200B; I'm so on edge right now, I'm sorry.",livingbutstilldead,1,0,6,2020-01-01 00:36:05,depression,"This is to a great, fucking MAGNIFICENT new year! &#x200B; I'm so on edge right now, I'm sorry.",0,1,0,What made you feel X ?,so on edge,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel,What can help you overcome X ?,the feeling of being on the edge,,True,010 eko7nh,Mental Illness and Family,0,survey,1,Were your siblings neglected by your family or frustrated with their new expectations?,Alyssa_Haughian,1,0,0,2020-01-06 03:38:34,mentalillness,Were your siblings neglected by your family or frustrated with their new expectations?,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eq6oiz,"Break, then get stronger",0,chitchat,2,"Like a muscle tearing when you lift weights, at first it hurts. The following day you're not able to do the things you normally do without some pain involved in the movements. Getting a cup off the top shelf seems like a chore, and you ache days later. Over time and repetition, what once caused you pain has become building blocks for you to become stronger later.  People, life events, and life tragedies all can cause you this pain; in the beginning, these all cause pain. The death of a loved one, losing your home, bullies, or a breakup. All of these things hurt in the beginning. But with time, just like a muscle healing, you can use this pain to grow and become stronger.  Be love Be kind Be patient Be persistent Be brave -Rise above- You got this",1OddSongAday,1,0,21,2020-01-17 21:19:40,selfhelp,"Like a muscle tearing when you lift weights, at first it hurts. The following day you're not able to do the things you normally do without some pain involved in the movements. Getting a cup off the top shelf seems like a chore, and you ache days later. Over time and repetition, what once caused you pain has become building blocks for you to become stronger later.  People, life events, and life tragedies all can cause you this pain; in the beginning, these all cause pain. The death of a loved one, losing your home, bullies, or a breakup. All of these things hurt in the beginning. But with time, just like a muscle healing, you can use this pain to grow and become stronger.  Be love Be kind Be patient Be persistent Be brave -Rise above- You got this",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 enjgyw,2 years since my accident,1a,rant,1,"Returning to this throw away. It feels like yesterday and there has not been a day that I have not had an intruding memory come back and remind me of everything. I have constant suicidal thoughts and especially worse now that I've stopped abusing the painkillers that I was given for so long. I just want everything to go back to normal and for the accident to have never happened and for me to not wish for death. needed to rant because these few days are harder than any other",throw-away6473,1,0,2,2020-01-12 05:26:21,ptsd,Returning to this throw away. It feels like yesterday and there has not been a day that I have not had an intruding memory come back and remind me of everything. I have constant suicidal thoughts and especially worse now that I've stopped abusing the painkillers that I was given for so long. I just want everything to go back to normal and for the accident to have never happened and for me to not wish for death. needed to rant because these few days are harder than any other,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your accident,How did X make you feel?,the flashbacks make you feel,What do you need help with now that X?,you are having suicidal thoughts,,True,100 eiadzo,Relationship anxiety,1a,help-seeking,1,"I'm super lucky to have an incredible girlfriend who is literally my rock, she listens to everything that's on my mind and every anxious thought I have and still accepts me for who I am. I constantly get anxiety that I'm not good enough for her or even sometimes I get intrusive thoughts about me not loving her or that I'm leading her on, even though I know this isn't true because I get super anxious at the thought of leaving her. Does anyone else deal with this? What do you do to help yourself?",DarrenStill,1,0,0,2019-12-31 23:10:46,Anxiety,"I'm super lucky to have an incredible girlfriend who is literally my rock, she listens to everything that's on my mind and every anxious thought I have and still accepts me for who I am. I constantly get anxiety that I'm not good enough for her or even sometimes I get intrusive thoughts about me not loving her or that I'm leading her on, even though I know this isn't true because I get super anxious at the thought of leaving her. Does anyone else deal with this? What do you do to help yourself?",2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,the thoughts of leaving her,,,,True,202 eptycq,A New Absurdity: The Lives We Have Created,0,chitchat,3,"The lives that we have created, when given the freedom to do so, have become the new absurdity. This absurdity has become so widespread, so eagerly accepted, so idealized, that is has become normal. And I would argue that over time, as society's pull gets stronger with advancements in technology, that we have all become, as a group, closer to normal than ever before. We have slowly become lured into the standard narrative, and now we find truth in it. The problem is that it has created a polarity within us. The polarity is the life that we outwardly live and the life that we inwardly live; this conflict is our absurdity. Previously, absurdity was the conflict between human's innate search for meaning and the human living in a meaningless universe. How can you find meaning that is not there? You can't, and the answer is that you must create it for yourself. That theory has produced much empowerment for modern people who seek answers for big questions: Why are we here? What is our purpose? People have accepted varying forms of Existentialism in the collective unconscious but remain inadequate in their self-making. When given the freedom to think that we have freedom, the idea of our autonomy, the burden of life is put onto the individual. This, for many, has not been of great benefit. It's simply too much of a burden to bear, and most people don't know what to do with their freedom, once realized. When people have freedom, they chose to reject it. People have chosen to blend into the crowd, and live the same lives as everyone else, than live an authentic, autonomous life. We all must live in groups, in society, that is perfectly fine. Everyone understands that, and the idea of communal living is meant to be beneficial for the individual. Groups should allow an individual to be free around other people. But this has not happened. Society has idealized certain standards of living and ostracised others. Society has forced people into slave-like, mindless work, with no other option. Society has agendas to keep people dependent on it, without any intention of making people self-reliant. It has done the opposite of what it is meant to do and rebelled its original design. Society wants people to stay within it, and never break out of its confines. We don't know what the alternative is, and we've never experienced it. All we know is that big businesses run society with a top-down model. Our lives are cut into shape, and we are sent out into its belly, to work and keep the machine moving. Now I'm not against society, but one that is controlling and oppressive to the people, I am against that. When people work, yet still can't afford standard living, that is a problem. When there are homeless and sick, yet money is spent elsewhere, that is a problem. When politicians are breaking the laws they established, that is a problem. When overseas countries are buying out politicians and lining their pockets, that is a problem. When no political promise is fulfilled, that is a problem. When financial cuts are made in education and healthcare, that is a problem. When we have to work the prime years of our life, scared of getting fired, that is a problem. When every leisure activity is about selling products to us, that is a problem. When simple freedoms are taken away and taxed or fined, that is a problem. When given the freedom to create our meaning and determine our own lives, this is what the human has created. This is the new absurdity. We are living outward lives that do not match what we inwardly want. We all know that we must work in society, and that is fine. We are all ok with that. We are also ok with living in groups. We have found joy with others. This is all acceptable. But when we have to work ourselves to the bone, just to make ends meet, when our grandparents were able to have a single-parent working family and afford a house, what we have now is not the type of work we had in mind. There are people in the world who work ridiculously hard and still live in debt and poverty. This has become the life we live. And the gap between the poor and the rich is growing. The necessity for work has left us tired and lacking the energy to do the things we've always wanted. Work them hard enough, so they have no energy to question the system. Work them just enough, so they don't break down and die. Well, right now, there is no choice; we have to question how we live. The majority of people ignore their passions. Everyone has a unique interest, but work slowly takes over that. Eventually, we become observers as an outlet for passion. We stop doing what we love, and, instead, watch other people do it. We look on, as stronger-willed people do what we want to. We are forced into this by the work schedule that we obey. Our lives are ordered and regimented beyond necessity. And society herds us into activities that it condones because it profits. We all end up talking about the same things to our friends: work, football, or other sports, reality shows, half-remembered mainstream politics, and each other. When we engage in and talk about the topics it wants us to, we are rewarded. And, eventually, society no longer has to reward us, and we end up rewarding ourselves. We become its police and become brainwashed into the mainstream. And in our frustration, we try and escape in a desperate attempt to be happy. We buy shit we don't need with money we have to impress people we don't like. We go on holidays to places that are the exact opposite of where we live. We drown ourselves in drugs and alcohol. We develop neurotic habits. We stress ourselves to death. All this for the life we live. Our kids see this, and they don't want anything of it, which creates a nihilism in them. They see our lives and reject it. We are meant to be role models who our kids aspire to be. But when they are old enough, and see how we truly live, they see the meaninglessness in it. We are engineered to be the same: so we are predictable, so we keep buying their stuff so that we can be further manipulated, so we never become wise enough to question, so we think that our living is normal. This is our absurdity, and we have let it happen. When given freedom, we choose our slavery. We choose to spend money on dumb shit. We choose distractions. We choose to think the same as others. We choose to be divided and tribalized. We choose to blend into the crowd. We choose to let our dreams get beaten out of us. We choose to live an uninspired existence. What we want on the inside is uncontrollable freedom. We want to express ourselves in the wildest of ways. We want to love and promote differences, but our lives say otherwise. We are too afraid of the opinions of others and being different that we enslave ourselves to a society based on consumption and servitude. This is our absurdity: the life we live. Deep down, there is a conflict within us. No wonder the mental health problems arise as society control gets stronger. Statistics say that we're richer than ever, but they also say suicide and mental health are increasing. This is where our conflict is: the yearning for freedom to live how we want, but the life that takes that freedom way. We need to find a better balance between serving the group and living autonomously. We need out with big business dictating our lives. We need to take our decisions seriously. We need to introspect and spend time understanding ourselves. There comes the point when we have to take on this responsibility. We must live the lives we want. The Employed Moth",TheEmployedMoth,1,0,1,2020-01-17 02:28:32,selfhelp,"The lives that we have created, when given the freedom to do so, have become the new absurdity. This absurdity has become so widespread, so eagerly accepted, so idealized, that is has become normal. And I would argue that over time, as society's pull gets stronger with advancements in technology, that we have all become, as a group, closer to normal than ever before. We have slowly become lured into the standard narrative, and now we find truth in it. The problem is that it has created a polarity within us. The polarity is the life that we outwardly live and the life that we inwardly live; this conflict is our absurdity. Previously, absurdity was the conflict between human's innate search for meaning and the human living in a meaningless universe. How can you find meaning that is not there? You can't, and the answer is that you must create it for yourself. That theory has produced much empowerment for modern people who seek answers for big questions: Why are we here? What is our purpose? People have accepted varying forms of Existentialism in the collective unconscious but remain inadequate in their self-making. When given the freedom to think that we have freedom, the idea of our autonomy, the burden of life is put onto the individual. This, for many, has not been of great benefit. It's simply too much of a burden to bear, and most people don't know what to do with their freedom, once realized. When people have freedom, they chose to reject it. People have chosen to blend into the crowd, and live the same lives as everyone else, than live an authentic, autonomous life. We all must live in groups, in society, that is perfectly fine. Everyone understands that, and the idea of communal living is meant to be beneficial for the individual. Groups should allow an individual to be free around other people. But this has not happened. Society has idealized certain standards of living and ostracised others. Society has forced people into slave-like, mindless work, with no other option. Society has agendas to keep people dependent on it, without any intention of making people self-reliant. It has done the opposite of what it is meant to do and rebelled its original design. Society wants people to stay within it, and never break out of its confines. We don't know what the alternative is, and we've never experienced it. All we know is that big businesses run society with a top-down model. Our lives are cut into shape, and we are sent out into its belly, to work and keep the machine moving. Now I'm not against society, but one that is controlling and oppressive to the people, I am against that. When people work, yet still can't afford standard living, that is a problem. When there are homeless and sick, yet money is spent elsewhere, that is a problem. When politicians are breaking the laws they established, that is a problem. When overseas countries are buying out politicians and lining their pockets, that is a problem. When no political promise is fulfilled, that is a problem. When financial cuts are made in education and healthcare, that is a problem. When we have to work the prime years of our life, scared of getting fired, that is a problem. When every leisure activity is about selling products to us, that is a problem. When simple freedoms are taken away and taxed or fined, that is a problem. When given the freedom to create our meaning and determine our own lives, this is what the human has created. This is the new absurdity. We are living outward lives that do not match what we inwardly want. We all know that we must work in society, and that is fine. We are all ok with that. We are also ok with living in groups. We have found joy with others. This is all acceptable. But when we have to work ourselves to the bone, just to make ends meet, when our grandparents were able to have a single-parent working family and afford a house, what we have now is not the type of work we had in mind. There are people in the world who work ridiculously hard and still live in debt and poverty. This has become the life we live. And the gap between the poor and the rich is growing. The necessity for work has left us tired and lacking the energy to do the things we've always wanted. Work them hard enough, so they have no energy to question the system. Work them just enough, so they don't break down and die. Well, right now, there is no choice; we have to question how we live. The majority of people ignore their passions. Everyone has a unique interest, but work slowly takes over that. Eventually, we become observers as an outlet for passion. We stop doing what we love, and, instead, watch other people do it. We look on, as stronger-willed people do what we want to. We are forced into this by the work schedule that we obey. Our lives are ordered and regimented beyond necessity. And society herds us into activities that it condones because it profits. We all end up talking about the same things to our friends: work, football, or other sports, reality shows, half-remembered mainstream politics, and each other. When we engage in and talk about the topics it wants us to, we are rewarded. And, eventually, society no longer has to reward us, and we end up rewarding ourselves. We become its police and become brainwashed into the mainstream. And in our frustration, we try and escape in a desperate attempt to be happy. We buy shit we don't need with money we have to impress people we don't like. We go on holidays to places that are the exact opposite of where we live. We drown ourselves in drugs and alcohol. We develop neurotic habits. We stress ourselves to death. All this for the life we live. Our kids see this, and they don't want anything of it, which creates a nihilism in them. They see our lives and reject it. We are meant to be role models who our kids aspire to be. But when they are old enough, and see how we truly live, they see the meaninglessness in it. We are engineered to be the same: so we are predictable, so we keep buying their stuff so that we can be further manipulated, so we never become wise enough to question, so we think that our living is normal. This is our absurdity, and we have let it happen. When given freedom, we choose our slavery. We choose to spend money on dumb shit. We choose distractions. We choose to think the same as others. We choose to be divided and tribalized. We choose to blend into the crowd. We choose to let our dreams get beaten out of us. We choose to live an uninspired existence. What we want on the inside is uncontrollable freedom. We want to express ourselves in the wildest of ways. We want to love and promote differences, but our lives say otherwise. We are too afraid of the opinions of others and being different that we enslave ourselves to a society based on consumption and servitude. This is our absurdity: the life we live. Deep down, there is a conflict within us. No wonder the mental health problems arise as society control gets stronger. Statistics say that we're richer than ever, but they also say suicide and mental health are increasing. This is where our conflict is: the yearning for freedom to live how we want, but the life that takes that freedom way. We need to find a better balance between serving the group and living autonomously. We need out with big business dictating our lives. We need to take our decisions seriously. We need to introspect and spend time understanding ourselves. There comes the point when we have to take on this responsibility. We must live the lives we want. The Employed Moth",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 f2s64n,Sister triggered my survivor's guilt,1a,rant,2,"I've posted this story in as many relevant mental health subreddits I thought would help. My anxiety and OCD have been going nuts, so I've just been looking for advice and someone to talk to. My sister and I grew up in an abusive home and I grew up with awful survivor's guilt. I thought everything was my fault and that mentality leaked into adulthood. Therefore, I hate making mistakes. I hate when people are angry with me. I'm extremely sensitive. I moved away from my parents' house but went back to visit a month or so ago. I told my sister that I wanted to come down for a week to see her before she started a new job. However, I misspoke. In order to avoid my parents getting upset about not seeing them, I also spent a few nights with them. I just tried to keep everyone happy to avoid anyone getting mad at me. Because I didn't spend the week with my sister like I implied I would, she got really upset on my final day there. She said she thought I was rude, let her down, the week was a disappointment, and that I wasn't welcome in her house the next time I came over. I broke down when she said that to me. I've been obsessing about it ever since. My family doesn't know the extent of my anxiety, depression, and OCD. My sister also doesn't know about my survivor's guilt and I don't talk to her about my mental health. She's the kind of person who thinks that if she's not depressed, I shouldn't be either. So, I don't think she knew the weight of what she said. But, I feel like I deserved it. I feel like it was all my fault and that I'm a bad person. I'm just trying to overcome these thoughts and stop feeling like I'm fucking garbage for a mistake. I apologized twice and I'm sure that she thinks it's over. But, I've been obsessing for over a month.",YourLocalNewsSource,1,0,6,2020-02-12 14:41:19,getting_over_it,"I've posted this story in as many relevant mental health subreddits I thought would help. My anxiety and OCD have been going nuts. so I've just been looking for advice and someone to talk to. My sister and I grew up in an abusive home and I grew up with awful survivor's guilt. I thought everything was my fault and that mentality leaked into adulthood. Therefore, I hate making mistakes. I hate when people are angry with me. I'm extremely sensitive. I moved away from my parents' house but went back to visit a month or so ago. I told my sister that I wanted to come down for a week to see her before she started a new job. However, I misspoke. In order to avoid my parents getting upset about not seeing them, I also spent a few nights with them. I just tried to keep everyone happy to avoid anyone getting mad at me. Because I didn't spend the week with my sister like I implied I would, she got really upset on my final day there. She said she thought I was rude, let her down, the week was a disappointment, and that I wasn't welcome in her house the next time I came over. I broke down when she said that to me. I've been obsessing about it ever since. My family doesn't know the extent of my anxiety, depression, and OCD. My sister also doesn't know about my survivor's guilt and I don't talk to her about my mental health. She's the kind of person who thinks that if she's not depressed, I shouldn't be either. So, I don't think she knew the weight of what she said. But, I feel like I deserved it. I feel like it was all my fault and that I'm a bad person. I'm just trying to overcome these thoughts and stop feeling like I'm fucking garbage for a mistake. I apologized twice and I'm sure that she thinks it's over. But, I've been obsessing for over a month.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you not blame yourself,,True,221 f6d8sj,Does anyone else here feel as if they've already wasted their second chance at life?,1a,survey,2,"Now before anyone says anything, yes I know I need help and yes I did do these things. You have every right criticise me so you can go ahead and label me as whatever you want. I deserve it. During my time in primary school, I was diagnosed with ADHD and Depression so I was bullied a lot because of it. Nobody wanted to sit next me and for quite obvious reasons, they really feared me. Sometime later, my family at home started falling apart. Mum and Dad threw plates at each other, police were almost always involved, and I was often in the corner of my room barricading myself from all of the devastation. They later split up and our overall welfare had depleted almost immediately. (Just to clarify, my father isn't a completely bad person whatsoever, he's just no used to spending time with people as he works transporting goods across all of Australia for weeks at a time.) Years later, I met this beautiful young lady with blonde hair, a stunning smile, and the most gorgeous eyes I've ever seen. Her name was Talyssa. She sat next to me both in class and at lunch when I was in need of company the most. I'd follow her around and even participate in things like her choir and dance groups though I sucked at both singing and dancing. Bottom line is, I've never felt happier with anyone by my side but her. Not even my mother or younger brother. I may have made a few friends too but the connection I had with them were no where near as exciting. She simply made my blood rush faster than ever before. Sadly, this companionship we had came to a quick end months later. Just because of some issues I had experienced at home, I couldn't control my emotions anymore. Talyssa happened to be around me at the wrong time almost every single day. I started swearing at her, kicking dirt in her face, pulling her hair, threatening her. Yeah I deserve to be burned at the stake for this and if she were to be the one to light the fire, I'd be more than happy to let her do so. She should have every right to kill me after that and because of the extreme guilt, depression and anxiety I now feel, I no longer have the guts to defend myself anymore. Not even in the most dangerous of situations just because I'm afraid that I'll see her before my very eyes. If I could go back in time and start over just to right my wrongs, I absolutely would. Now I'm broken beat and scarred after overcoming a medication and cigarette addiction due to the intense bullying and uncontrollable fear I have experienced in the worst place in Queensland (Ipswich). I've also experienced this in other places such as Banyo as well. I've felt nothing but extreme guilt, hurt, and loneliness ever since. I'm not suicidal anymore, just really hurt as I'm unsure whether she'd ever forgive or not since it happened over a decade ago. Even if she did, a simple ""it's okay"" wouldn't be enough to justify what I've done. Something about me needs to change.",Mighty-Mustang,1,0,7,2020-02-19 16:36:44,getting_over_it,"Now before anyone says anything, yes I know I need help and yes I did do these things. You have every right criticise me so you can go ahead and label me as whatever you want. I deserve it. During my time in primary school, I was diagnosed with ADHD and Depression so I was bullied a lot because of it. Nobody wanted to sit next me and for quite obvious reasons, they really feared me. Sometime later, my family at home started falling apart. Mum and Dad threw plates at each other, police were almost always involved, and I was often in the corner of my room barricading myself from all of the devastation. They later split up and our overall welfare had depleted almost immediately. (Just to clarify, my father isn't a completely bad person whatsoever, he's just no used to spending time with people as he works transporting goods across all of Australia for weeks at a time.) Years later, I met this beautiful young lady with blonde hair, a stunning smile, and the most gorgeous eyes I've ever seen. Her name was Talyssa. She sat next to me both in class and at lunch when I was in need of company the most. I'd follow her around and even participate in things like her choir and dance groups though I sucked at both singing and dancing. Bottom line is, I've never felt happier with anyone by my side but her. Not even my mother or younger brother. I may have made a few friends too but the connection I had with them were no where near as exciting. She simply made my blood rush faster than ever before. Sadly, this companionship we had came to a quick end months later. Just because of some issues I had experienced at home, I couldn't control my emotions anymore. Talyssa happened to be around me at the wrong time almost every single day. I started swearing at her, kicking dirt in her face, pulling her hair, threatening her. Yeah I deserve to be burned at the stake for this and if she were to be the one to light the fire, I'd be more than happy to let her do so. She should have every right to kill me after that and because of the extreme guilt, depression and anxiety I now feel, I no longer have the guts to defend myself anymore. Not even in the most dangerous of situations just because I'm afraid that I'll see her before my very eyes. If I could go back in time and start over just to right my wrongs, I absolutely would. Now I'm broken beat and scarred after overcoming a medication and cigarette addiction due to the intense bullying and uncontrollable fear I have experienced in the worst place in Queensland (Ipswich). I've also experienced this in other places such as Banyo as well. I've felt nothing but extreme guilt, hurt, and loneliness ever since. I'm not suicidal anymore, just really hurt as I'm unsure whether she'd ever forgive or not since it happened over a decade ago. Even if she did, a simple ""it's okay"" wouldn't be enough to justify what I've done. Something about me needs to change.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you change for the better,,True,221 ejr8kj,I don’t even know why I self harm,1a,help-seeking,2,"I don’t really classify myself as mentally ill, despite my self harming. I don’t even really classify myself as a self harmer to tell you the truth. I’ve cut myself a total of six times, so not really a lot, and I started about a month and a half ago. After I finished cutting myself today (actually like five minutes ago) I realized I don’t even know why I did it. Some of the times I did it because I was feeling down, but this time I wasn’t feeling particularly worse than average, as far as I’m aware. You see, I have a hard time distinguishing what emotions I’m feeling sometimes. Sometimes I don’t even know if I’m feeling bad or good. This time was one of those times. The one thing I had on my mind was a friend I have who’s gong through a hard time, and who I’m seriously worried about. But I wasn’t feeling any deep despair when I started. I don’t plan about telling anyone this time, even though I have in the past, so wanting attention is ruled out as a reason. I don’t know if it was because I wanted to prove to myself that the other times weren’t for attention. I don’t know if I was because I was sitting next to where I hide the knife while listening to music. I don’t know if I was mad at myself for not feeling as sad as I should be. I don’t know if it was for any reason at all. I just did it, and I don’t really know why. Does anyone else relate to this?",Andersssssss,2,0,4,2020-01-04 03:53:32,selfharm,"I don’t really classify myself as mentally ill, despite my self harming. I don’t even really classify myself as a self harmer to tell you the truth. I’ve cut myself a total of six times, so not really a lot, and I started about a month and a half ago. After I finished cutting myself today (actually like five minutes ago) I realized I don’t even know why I did it. Some of the times I did it because I was feeling down, but this time I wasn’t feeling particularly worse than average, as far as I’m aware. You see, I have a hard time distinguishing what emotions I’m feeling sometimes. Sometimes I don’t even know if I’m feeling bad or good. This time was one of those times. The one thing I had on my mind was a friend I have who’s gong through a hard time, and who I’m seriously worried about. But I wasn’t feeling any deep despair when I started. I don’t plan about telling anyone this time, even though I have in the past, so wanting attention is ruled out as a reason. I don’t know if it was because I wanted to prove to myself that the other times weren’t for attention. I don’t know if I was because I was sitting next to where I hide the knife while listening to music. I don’t know if I was mad at myself for not feeling as sad as I should be. I don’t know if it was for any reason at all. I just did it, and I don’t really know why. Does anyone else relate to this?",2,1,1,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you felt after harming yourself,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you stop self harm,,True,211 eih22q,Questioning,0,help-seeking,2,"If you know that you have a tendency to overindulge, as I know, but know that you want to be able to moderate your intake and get to the point of being able to drink for celebrations and not to self-medicate, is such a thing possible? I’m afraid of admitting to the problems that alcohol has caused me throughout my life, but I don’t want to stop as much as I want to control. Maybe this isn’t the best place to be talking about this and please forgive me if it goes against the rules of the sub but does anyone have any thoughts on this matter? I’m considering seeking help, but I don’t know if I would be welcome in feeling this way in a group — given that the aim and intention of group is for permanent sobriety, which I would never ever want to negatively effect because I respect that goal so very very much, and the courage it takes to take that step (or in this case 12). Is it possible for alcoholics to find a balance that is healthy, and drink moderately and responsibly? Thank you for reading and wishing all a blessed new year.",simpleskeleton,1,0,18,2020-01-01 10:36:16,alcoholicsanonymous,"If you know that you have a tendency to overindulge, as I know, but know that you want to be able to moderate your intake and get to the point of being able to drink for celebrations and not to self-medicate, is such a thing possible? I’m afraid of admitting to the problems that alcohol has caused me throughout my life, but I don’t want to stop as much as I want to control. Maybe this isn’t the best place to be talking about this and please forgive me if it goes against the rules of the sub but does anyone have any thoughts on this matter? I’m considering seeking help, but I don’t know if I would be welcome in feeling this way in a group — given that the aim and intention of group is for permanent sobriety, which I would never ever want to negatively effect because I respect that goal so very very much, and the courage it takes to take that step (or in this case 12). Is it possible for alcoholics to find a balance that is healthy, and drink moderately and responsibly? Thank you for reading and wishing all a blessed new year.",2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how drinking alcohol makes you feel,,,,True,212 ekd1m2,I am so thankful and grateful for your support and friendship. Today marks 29 years of my Recovery Journey. There have been abundant challenges but the rewards have exceeded all expectations!,0,chitchat,2,,davidmoorad,16,0,11,2020-01-05 13:32:18,addiction,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 en5hho,The essence of addictions,0,chitchat,3,"All addictions boil down to the same principle: avoiding our deepest self. In doing so we are avoiding pain, especially emotional pain. Indeed as emotional pain magnifies physical pain, the latter would be handled, accepted and eventually treated if we were in a state of pure consciousness: just raw presence without any reactions. So healing the root of emotional pain is the key. The universal solution is thus: deeply facing ourselves. This entails facing our emotional pain with the power of Love and meditative presence. The most important point to understand here is that our deepest self is immensely intelligent and beautiful, there is nothing to fear: even our pain is the expression of a very deep and beautiful intelligence, the embodiment of the Divine itself. We are scared of our darkness because we believe it is evil but in truth these hide the most stunning jewel in the universe: our true heart. We also have to understand that meditative pure presence itself is a miraculous medicine of the highest kind: when it is applied to emotional pain it will magically transmute it into bliss. That's right the truth is an alchemical one: transmuting darkness into light. This means that pain cannot be disgarded, it is an innate part of yourself and with knowledge it becomes the precious raw fuel that will get transformed into pure blissful love. In the end it was all about sitting with ourselves, with no distractions in the presence of Love. But in this modern world everyone is afraid to do that, even regular people who don't use drugs. All our life we are running away of ourselves with hyperactivity: jobs, drugs, hobbies, distractions, etc... It may sound like a fairytale but this enlightened higher love is real. Many sages and masters have praised it since ancient times. Now shamanic plant medicines are also showing us that this shadow work was the real key all along. For instance Iboga, the miracle plant that cures heavy addictions. I have taken it...not for addictions but for emotional pain. It put me through very hard work, but I patiently carried on until the end because I knew that there was something beautiful on the other side of all this darkness I needed to face. Darkness can be faced progressively in your day to day life or in an accelerated way through shadow work and plant medicines. Our choice. But the path is worth it.",PsyleXxL,1,0,32,2020-01-11 09:37:14,addiction,"All addictions boil down to the same principle: avoiding our deepest self. In doing so we are avoiding pain, especially emotional pain. Indeed as emotional pain magnifies physical pain, the latter would be handled, accepted and eventually treated if we were in a state of pure consciousness: just raw presence without any reactions. So healing the root of emotional pain is the key. The universal solution is thus: deeply facing ourselves. This entails facing our emotional pain with the power of Love and meditative presence. The most important point to understand here is that our deepest self is immensely intelligent and beautiful, there is nothing to fear: even our pain is the expression of a very deep and beautiful intelligence, the embodiment of the Divine itself. We are scared of our darkness because we believe it is evil but in truth these hide the most stunning jewel in the universe: our true heart. We also have to understand that meditative pure presence itself is a miraculous medicine of the highest kind: when it is applied to emotional pain it will magically transmute it into bliss. That's right the truth is an alchemical one: transmuting darkness into light. This means that pain cannot be disgarded, it is an innate part of yourself and with knowledge it becomes the precious raw fuel that will get transformed into pure blissful love. In the end it was all about sitting with ourselves, with no distractions in the presence of Love. But in this modern world everyone is afraid to do that, even regular people who don't use drugs. All our life we are running away of ourselves with hyperactivity: jobs, drugs, hobbies, distractions, etc... It may sound like a fairytale but this enlightened higher love is real. Many sages and masters have praised it since ancient times. Now shamanic plant medicines are also showing us that this shadow work was the real key all along. For instance Iboga, the miracle plant that cures heavy addictions. I have taken it...not for addictions but for emotional pain. It put me through very hard work, but I patiently carried on until the end because I knew that there was something beautiful on the other side of all this darkness I needed to face. Darkness can be faced progressively in your day to day life or in an accelerated way through shadow work and plant medicines. Our choice. But the path is worth it.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 em4uu5,truth,0,chitchat,5,,Sauerman,1,0,0,2020-01-09 04:52:40,selfhelp,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 eishx9,I have overwhelming anxiety about the future,1a,rant,1,"Mostly because of global warming (and other things as well). I’m 17 and I have no hope towards the future, but I can’t stop feeling this way because my worry is actually justified.",Earthling_02,1,0,2,2020-01-02 03:20:24,Anxiety,"I have overwhelming anxiety about the future Mostly because of global warming (and other things as well). I’m 17 and I have no hope towards the future, but I can’t stop feeling this way because my worry is actually justified.",2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,your anxiety,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel anxious about your future,,True,200 ek9kwy,I need help with my anxiety!,1a,help-seeking,1,"I know this sounds edgy or annoying, but I threw away all of my anxiety meds that I’d been hoarding over the bast three years, because I had planned to use those to kill myself. (They were use as needed, so they aren’t fully necessary for me, just when I need them, I REALLY need them.) I’m very glad that I did throw those away, but all day I’ve been sick to my stomach with anxiety. My anxiety is so bad that it feels like I’m being suffocated and I have nothing to help relief it. I just feel terrible and like my perspective is wrong, like everything is bad and is going to end but I can’t fix it. Like my world is being closed in on, but I just can’t do anything about it. I hate anxiety, I hate feeling this way. I’m proud of me for getting rid of a potential threat to my safety, but holy shit I feel terrible right now. Does anyone have any ideas to help me with my anxiety? Tips to calm down and to feel like myself?",WayCockCumberson,2,0,2,2020-01-05 06:57:50,mentalillness,"I know this sounds edgy or annoying, but I threw away all of my anxiety meds that I’d been hoarding over the bast three years, because I had planned to use those to kill myself. (They were use as needed, so they aren’t fully necessary for me, just when I need them, I REALLY need them.) I’m very glad that I did throw those away, but all day I’ve been sick to my stomach with anxiety. My anxiety is so bad that it feels like I’m being suffocated and I have nothing to help relief it. I just feel terrible and like my perspective is wrong, like everything is bad and is going to end but I can’t fix it. Like my world is being closed in on, but I just can’t do anything about it. I hate anxiety, I hate feeling this way. I’m proud of me for getting rid of a potential threat to my safety, but holy shit I feel terrible right now. Does anyone have any ideas to help me with my anxiety? Tips to calm down and to feel like myself?",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 euk3u5,Having troubles at night due to night time being triggering - need help/tips?,1a,help-seeking,2,"Can someone give me any tips or anything on how to deal with long lasting triggers? Every night of my life has been triggering for me since I was a little girl, I always cried myself to sleep and became incredibly depressed and paranoid because of all the assaults I went through at night/on beds. There was a period of time where I’d wake up standing up/falling out of bed/kicking/ hyperventilating/talking etc as if I’m trying to escape from someone, because of the nightmares I’d have when I’d get to sleep... To this day nighttime is so triggering for me. As soon as I go into my room for the rest of the night I become even more dissociative then normal and I freeze up a lot, stare off, my heart will go really fast and I’ll get paranoid. I won’t move for hours sometimes. I get so sore but the thought of moving ... well it doesn’t really even get through my mind because of how gone I am. This is embarrassing but I’ll just say it because no one even knows who I am. I’ll also age regress a lot, I can’t tell you how many nights I’ve spent as a little kid (2-6 yrs I think?) I feel completely like a child... I’ll watch kids cartoons and fall asleep like that .. wake up and sometimes I’m still really young. It’s hard because daily tasks are hard considering I have the mind set and knowledge of a child. I’m normally really numb and worried and scared when I go down in age but sometimes I’m complacent and feel okay. But it depends if I’m trapped in a trauma state/memory.. the experiences are quiet surreal and not exactly what I read about in ptsd age regression, they’re almost more separate from myself, if that makes sense. But anyways.. I just need some help with being able to function at night. It’s so triggering for me, i know I’m safe logically but cptsd brain won’t let me believe it. Going through night in the mind set of a scared child, feeling like I’m literally in the trauma is horrible. I can’t stand it... I feel like my abusers are right here watching and waiting.",chasingneverland76,1,0,3,2020-01-27 06:29:20,rapecounseling,"Can someone give me any tips or anything on how to deal with long lasting triggers? Every night of my life has been triggering for me since I was a little girl, I always cried myself to sleep and became incredibly depressed and paranoid because of all the assaults I went through at night/on beds. There was a period of time where I’d wake up standing up/falling out of bed/kicking/ hyperventilating/talking etc as if I’m trying to escape from someone, because of the nightmares I’d have when I’d get to sleep... To this day nighttime is so triggering for me. As soon as I go into my room for the rest of the night I become even more dissociative then normal and I freeze up a lot, stare off, my heart will go really fast and I’ll get paranoid. I won’t move for hours sometimes. I get so sore but the thought of moving ... well it doesn’t really even get through my mind because of how gone I am. This is embarrassing but I’ll just say it because no one even knows who I am. I’ll also age regress a lot, I can’t tell you how many nights I’ve spent as a little kid (2-6 yrs I think?) I feel completely like a child... I’ll watch kids cartoons and fall asleep like that .. wake up and sometimes I’m still really young. It’s hard because daily tasks are hard considering I have the mind set and knowledge of a child. I’m normally really numb and worried and scared when I go down in age but sometimes I’m complacent and feel okay. But it depends if I’m trapped in a trauma state/memory.. the experiences are quiet surreal and not exactly what I read about in ptsd age regression, they’re almost more separate from myself, if that makes sense. But anyways.. I just need some help with being able to function at night. It’s so triggering for me, i know I’m safe logically but cptsd brain won’t let me believe it. Going through night in the mind set of a scared child, feeling like I’m literally in the trauma is horrible. I can’t stand it... I feel like my abusers are right here watching and waiting.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ejt6xc,I need some help,1b,help-seeking,1,"I need some help. My mom is addicted to alcohol and gambling. She is wasting all of her money away. I need help, please anything. She refuses to get professional help and says she doesn’t need it. What can I do.",Person-25,3,0,4,2020-01-04 06:49:01,addiction,"I need some help. My mom is addicted to alcohol and gambling. She is wasting all of her money away. I need help, please anything. She refuses to get professional help and says she doesn’t need it. What can I do.",2,0,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,your mom's refusal to get help,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would control your mom's addiction,,True,201 eqo00k,2 days kind of,0,rant,1,Last dosage was 5 bags of dope I smoked.. could of been f.. that was Thursday. Did a Keaton shot yesterday which helped and then nothing today but Hot showers. I can't go back no matter what... when will I start to feel better if I don't touch Kratom or any drugs whatsoever. Want to feel good this week and hit some meetings.,R3born90,1,0,3,2020-01-18 23:07:41,OpiatesRecovery,Last dosage was 5 bags of dope I smoked.. could of been f.. that was Thursday. Did a Keaton shot yesterday which helped and then nothing today but Hot showers. I can't go back no matter what... when will I start to feel better if I don't touch Kratom or any drugs whatsoever. Want to feel good this week and hit some meetings.,2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,the keaton shot,,,,True,202 em8441,7 years of smoking cones daily,1a,rant,3,"Throwaway for obvious reasons I'm 24 and started smoking weed daily from 17. I was doing it with friends who i grew apart from at about 19/20. Before I started smoking I was a happy outgoing cunt who loved life. For the last 3 years I've said I wanted to stop everytime I smoked I just couldn't stick to it. There were 2 or 3 month periods where I did, but it never lasted as I'd see an old friend and have a cone thinking I could keep my discipline. I was wrong everytime and it became a daily thing I did alone again. I'm now this extremely critical self conscious asshole who dislikes himself a lot. End of 2018 I quit for 5 months and began running 5-7kms a day, I was also powerlifting and hit a 230kg squat. I felt like I had beat the addiction. So in March 2019 I thought I'd try and pick up a cool hobby like skydiving, I jumped a few times and thought I'd go for a solo license, unfortunately the dude who was directing my landing was new and I shattered my ankle upon landing. This put me in hospital for 3 weeks on morphine, tramadol and endones in 2 hour cycles. I then got back into my old habits quick smart as I couldn't quite do anything else with my life being a fucking cripple. In August I had suicidal thoughts and tendencies, these lasted till November (this was during therapy where I really opened up for the first time about my childhood and teenage years which really hurt). I stopped therapy in November when I was advised I should visit a mental hospital as I needed more help then what I had. This for me was a wake up as I never thought I would need to do this and knew I'd look down upon myself for it, so I snapped out of my fuck... temporarily. Christmas it all came back, the self hatrid, the depression. And marijuana masked it every fucking time. I was playing games online and made some friends interstate who were bushdoofers who said something that I haven't heard anyone ever say or read anywhere. And I want to share it with anyone struggling as it helps me realize what's real and what's not. Drugs hug you in the process addiction. I guess it's been said before in different terms but to use the term hug, makes sense. It made me feel like everything was cool and going to get better on its own but it doesn't, for me I realized it basically made me feel like I put my life on hold (I have worked full time from 17 in mostly corporate gigs). Fast track to January 2020, I quit can't run, I can't do the physical things I used to do to escape this addiction (or what I used to call a bad habit). But I'm trying, I'm walking everyday, but it's just not stimulating enough, I've thought about cycling but I currently can't come up with $ for a road bike but hopefully will soon. I'm just struggling to replace the ""hobby"" of smoking weed anytime I'm not at work. Any tips? The reason I feel like this time I will quit if I can keep distracting myself early on during this first week is the anxiety that came with smoking for the first time the last 3 months. I've also been having super fucked up horror themed dreams and am tossing and turning most nights. Is this normal? Thank you for listening to my shit.",nomorecones,1,0,0,2020-01-09 10:59:13,addiction,"Throwaway for obvious reasons I'm 24 and started smoking weed daily from 17. I was doing it with friends who i grew apart from at about 19/20. Before I started smoking I was a happy outgoing cunt who loved life. For the last 3 years I've said I wanted to stop everytime I smoked I just couldn't stick to it. There were 2 or 3 month periods where I did, but it never lasted as I'd see an old friend and have a cone thinking I could keep my discipline. I was wrong everytime and it became a daily thing I did alone again. I'm now this extremely critical self conscious asshole who dislikes himself a lot. End of 2018 I quit for 5 months and began running 5-7kms a day, I was also powerlifting and hit a 230kg squat. I felt like I had beat the addiction. So in March 2019 I thought I'd try and pick up a cool hobby like skydiving, I jumped a few times and thought I'd go for a solo license, unfortunately the dude who was directing my landing was new and I shattered my ankle upon landing. This put me in hospital for 3 weeks on morphine, tramadol and endones in 2 hour cycles. I then got back into my old habits quick smart as I couldn't quite do anything else with my life being a fucking cripple. In August I had suicidal thoughts and tendencies, these lasted till November (this was during therapy where I really opened up for the first time about my childhood and teenage years which really hurt). I stopped therapy in November when I was advised I should visit a mental hospital as I needed more help then what I had. This for me was a wake up as I never thought I would need to do this and knew I'd look down upon myself for it, so I snapped out of my fuck... temporarily. Christmas it all came back, the self hatrid, the depression. And marijuana masked it every fucking time. I was playing games online and made some friends interstate who were bushdoofers who said something that I haven't heard anyone ever say or read anywhere. And I want to share it with anyone struggling as it helps me realize what's real and what's not. Drugs hug you in the process addiction. I guess it's been said before in different terms but to use the term hug, makes sense. It made me feel like everything was cool and going to get better on its own but it doesn't, for me I realized it basically made me feel like I put my life on hold (I have worked full time from 17 in mostly corporate gigs). Fast track to January 2020, I quit can't run, I can't do the physical things I used to do to escape this addiction (or what I used to call a bad habit). But I'm trying, I'm walking everyday, but it's just not stimulating enough, I've thought about cycling but I currently can't come up with $ for a road bike but hopefully will soon. I'm just struggling to replace the ""hobby"" of smoking weed anytime I'm not at work. Any tips? The reason I feel like this time I will quit if I can keep distracting myself early on during this first week is the anxiety that came with smoking for the first time the last 3 months. I've also been having super fucked up horror themed dreams and am tossing and turning most nights. Is this normal? Thank you for listening to my shit.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eqksst,"I have problem, help me asap!!",1a,help-seeking,1,"So basically i grew up fat and ugly and never got any girls, but when i hit puberty i became a new human, better body, a so called attractive face. But i have no confidence around girls, i always feel ugly around them, even if i get like 3 different compliments by 4 different girls. I am social and i can speak to girls but when it comes to the thing i just start to feel ugly and my confidence drops to 0.",bjelicrnac,1,0,4,2020-01-18 19:12:10,selfhelp,"So basically i grew up fat and ugly and never got any girls, but when i hit puberty i became a new human, better body, a so called attractive face. But i have no confidence around girls, i always feel ugly around them, even if i get like 3 different compliments by 4 different girls. I am social and i can speak to girls but when it comes to the thing i just start to feel ugly and my confidence drops to 0.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you don't have any confidence around girls,,True,220 f6npal,Perfect example of domestic violence gone undetected,0,chitchat,1,,Sub-Reddits,1,0,1,2020-02-20 04:38:03,domesticviolence,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ekdao2,Your trauma journey?,0,survey,1,"Did any of, while undergoing therapy or otherwise, manage to uncover any traumatic events that you had forgotten about? Did they help explain any dysfunctions that you were/are struggling with?",blaghblaghblaghasdfg,1,0,13,2020-01-05 13:55:39,ptsd,"Did any of, while undergoing therapy or otherwise, manage to uncover any traumatic events that you had forgotten about? Did they help explain any dysfunctions that you were/are struggling with?",0,0,2,What happened that you want X ?,get explanation for your dysfunctions,Why are you wanting X ?,to get explanation for your dysfunctions,,,,True,002 eifk9n,Impulsiveness & my inability to understand what the fuck just happened,1b,rant,2,"My alcoholic mother came home from drinking and gambling and started calling me a bitch for not picking up her dog’s poop and I was trying to calm her down but she said something (and I don’t even know what it was) that triggered me so bad and I jumped on her shoulders and pulled her to the ground and then slapped her back after she got up. She’s a lot bigger than me (19F -105lbs / 53F 230lbs) and she was very upset I hurt her and kept yelling and calling me names and I thought she wanted me to hurt and i wanted to hurt so i just took a knife to my arm and said I’d hurt myself and just did it. I honestly didn’t think the knife would really cut me, but it was a new set from Christmas, and now I have three deepish cuts on my arm that will probably leave scars and I just don’t understand how this even happened. I don’t know why I did that. I haven’t cut since I was in middle school really but I didn’t ever cut deep enough to leave scars and now I’m so ashamed at myself for inflicting this pain on myself to not only be dramatic but to feel something dramatic. My mom kind of blames my friend for this, for getting in my head I guess, but I love my friend, i just have no one else, so anything I do seemingly points to her. I’m so sorry to myself and my mom. I can’t believe I did this. I don’t know what to do. I have no one to talk to.",anxioushypochondriac,1,0,4,2020-01-01 07:18:34,selfharm,"My alcoholic mother came home from drinking and gambling and started calling me a bitch for not picking up her dog’s poop and I was trying to calm her down but she said something (and I don’t even know what it was) that triggered me so bad and I jumped on her shoulders and pulled her to the ground and then slapped her back after she got up. She’s a lot bigger than me (19F -105lbs / 53F 230lbs) and she was very upset I hurt her and kept yelling and calling me names and I thought she wanted me to hurt and i wanted to hurt so i just took a knife to my arm and said I’d hurt myself and just did it. I honestly didn’t think the knife would really cut me, but it was a new set from Christmas, and now I have three deepish cuts on my arm that will probably leave scars and I just don’t understand how this even happened. I don’t know why I did that. I haven’t cut since I was in middle school really but I didn’t ever cut deep enough to leave scars and now I’m so ashamed at myself for inflicting this pain on myself to not only be dramatic but to feel something dramatic. My mom kind of blames my friend for this, for getting in my head I guess, but I love my friend, i just have no one else, so anything I do seemingly points to her. I’m so sorry to myself and my mom. I can’t believe I did this. I don’t know what to do. I have no one to talk to.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel ashamed of cutting yourself again,,True,220 eicp12,1st January 2020,1a,rant,1,"Last year was pretty horrible not even sure how I’m still here. When I was 16 I said I’d be dead before I turn 18 When I was 18 I said I’d be dead before 19 I’m now 20 I am giving myself a year and within this year I will try and give life my all try to make more friends a to just to find some type of happiness. If by the end of the year I’m still the same or somehow get worse... The I’m honestly done with life Here’s to a new year",Ashj0233,1,0,2,2020-01-01 02:26:00,mentalillness,Last year was pretty horrible not even sure how I’m still here. When I was 16 I said I’d be dead before I turn 18 When I was 18 I said I’d be dead before 19 I’m now 20 I am giving myself a year and within this year I will try and give life my all try to make more friends a to just to find some type of happiness. If by the end of the year I’m still the same or somehow get worse... The I’m honestly done with life Here’s to a new year,1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why your past year was horrible,How did X make you feel?,your past year,,,,True,102 emgyha,Can't stop thinking replaying horrible memory of BF during his seizure,1a,help-seeking,2,"Hi everyone. I'm about to talk about a traumatic/emergency health event so please don't read if that may trigger. . . . . Last Sunday, my partner, whom I live with, had a seizure. It wasn't a regular one though. We were watching TV and he started having auras/seeing things and then all of a sudden lost control of his body. I won't go into too much detail but it looked like an exorcism as far as body paralysis and foaming/drooling and head twitching. At one point I thought, omg, he might die right now—which is not a thing I have ever thought or ever had to think about. I did lose my grandfather two year ago and it was sudden but cancer-moving-quickly sudden. Not, one-minute-someone-is-fine-and-now-theyre-very-not sudden. Anyway, as soon as he fell back I called 911 and he went to the hospital and got proper tests. He did forget my name when he first woke up but he's okay now. There is not a word to describe how thankful I am—but I'm really struggling. I keep replaying the moment that this happened and what I witnessed happening to him. His unresponsiveness, his choking-like sounds in the beginning, the helplessness I felt just praying he would make it out of this. I physically shake my head to stop myself from seeing this. Does anyone have any tips for dealing with this type of trauma, specifically coping with the memories, and the fear of something like it happening again? For background, I already had slight CPTSD from my narc father and I do see a therapist. But haven't seen her since this episode.",aWriteToShare,1,0,2,2020-01-09 22:13:57,ptsd,"Hi everyone. I'm about to talk about a traumatic/emergency health event so please don't read if that may trigger. . . . . Last Sunday, my partner, whom I live with, had a seizure. It wasn't a regular one though. We were watching TV and he started having auras/seeing things and then all of a sudden lost control of his body. I won't go into too much detail but it looked like an exorcism as far as body paralysis and foaming/drooling and head twitching. At one point I thought, omg, he might die right now—which is not a thing I have ever thought or ever had to think about. I did lose my grandfather two year ago and it was sudden but cancer-moving-quickly sudden. Not, one-minute-someone-is-fine-and-now-theyre-very-not sudden. Anyway, as soon as he fell back I called 911 and he went to the hospital and got proper tests. He did forget my name when he first woke up but he's okay now. There is not a word to describe how thankful I am—but I'm really struggling. I keep replaying the moment that this happened and what I witnessed happening to him. His unresponsiveness, his choking-like sounds in the beginning, the helplessness I felt just praying he would make it out of this. I physically shake my head to stop myself from seeing this. Does anyone have any tips for dealing with this type of trauma, specifically coping with the memories, and the fear of something like it happening again? For background, I already had slight CPTSD from my narc father and I do see a therapist. But haven't seen her since this episode.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eit241,NSFW STD anxiety,0,help-seeking,1,"I feel like my anxiety is killing me. Heres what happened. Long story short i fucked someone who said she had 2 partners before me and were std free. Now i have people telling me that she might have an STD. Idk if theyre lying or not but i had a condom on the entire time and didnt even put my dick in half way, and it was over in 5 mins. Should i rush out to get tested? Im very worried about having contracted HIV/AIDS and i dont want that to take away from my future Career in the military that im supposed to start in 2 weeks. Someone help me",Tripplephase,1,0,4,2020-01-02 04:07:41,Anxiety,"I feel like my anxiety is killing me. Heres what happened. Long story short i fucked someone who said she had 2 partners before me and were std free. Now i have people telling me that she might have an STD. Idk if theyre lying or not but i had a condom on the entire time and didnt even put my dick in half way, and it was over in 5 mins. Should i rush out to get tested? Im very worried about having contracted HIV/AIDS. i dont want that to take away from my future Career in the military that im supposed to start in 2 weeks. Someone help me",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eix10o,"Weekly Off Topic Chat - January 02, 2020",0,chitchat,1,This is a place for off topic discussion of whatever is going on in your life. Rules regarding civility still apply.,AutoModerator,1,0,1,2020-01-02 11:17:13,mentalillness,This is a place for off topic discussion of whatever is going on in your life. Rules regarding civility still apply.,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,thought,True,000 f621ln,Beyond Blue Fundraiser Update!,0,chitchat,3," Hi Everyone You may not remember but a little while I made a post letting everyone know about a fundraiser I was planning. I just wanted to give everyone an update. In case you don't know what post I'm talking about: [https://www.reddit.com/r/getting\_over\_it/comments/epjxri/after\_years\_of\_struggling\_with\_depression\_and/](https://www.reddit.com/r/getting_over_it/comments/epjxri/after_years_of_struggling_with_depression_and/) We have currently raised $6886.82 for the charity! The final total will be announced Friday as I am waiting for some donations from the sporting club and will most probably be $7000 by the end. After only having a month to plan the events I was taken aback by the support I got from family, friends and even strangers! With how amazing everything and everyone has been it's made me look doing this yearly which the club has agreed to. The 24 hour charity stream went extremely well making $2805 and plenty of friends wanting to get on board to make it a bigger streaming event next year and hopefully take some of the stress off me. Here is a link to the video of the stream if anyone wants to see what I got up to. It involved wax strips, tattoos, shaving cream, worlds hottest corn chip and me ending up with pink hair! [https://www.twitch.tv/videos/551615055](https://www.twitch.tv/videos/551615055) I would also like to thank another mental health charity that does some awesome work with getting youth involved in sport and making sure they can balance life around keeping there mental health in a good place while exercising. The good chat foundation! They also make some awesome clothes that the money goes to helping youth and young adults with mental health problems, so if you get a chance please support them. [https://www.thegoodchatfoundation.com](https://www.thegoodchatfoundation.com/?gclid=Cj0KCQiAs67yBRC7ARIsAF49CdWJN1Jawg_J44PqD9S3BIbKUpycCIsMf4TWcW96FVS2o2uuMbZFv2saAtniEALw_wcB) With a year to plan and more people around helping for next year I'm hoping to get over the $10k mark and really make a difference in peoples life! I would like to thank everyone here that supported with the kind words of support! If you would like to help in anyway for next year here is a couple ways. \- Donation \- Sharing with friends \- Know a business that may donate a raffle prize? Let me know \- Know a business that would like to take a fundraising tin? Get them to reach out to me \- Know any gaming/tech business that may want to help with the stream in either a raffle or making it an easier time \- Checking out the Beyond Blue website \- Asking a friend or family how they are doing \- Words of support Remember it doesn't matter who you are, you can always make a difference in someones life!",VegaVortexCN,1,0,0,2020-02-19 00:35:42,getting_over_it," Hi Everyone You may not remember but a little while I made a post letting everyone know about a fundraiser I was planning. I just wanted to give everyone an update. In case you don't know what post I'm talking about: [https://www.reddit.com/r/getting\_over\_it/comments/epjxri/after\_years\_of\_struggling\_with\_depression\_and/](https://www.reddit.com/r/getting_over_it/comments/epjxri/after_years_of_struggling_with_depression_and/) We have currently raised $6886.82 for the charity! The final total will be announced Friday as I am waiting for some donations from the sporting club and will most probably be $7000 by the end. After only having a month to plan the events I was taken aback by the support I got from family, friends and even strangers! With how amazing everything and everyone has been it's made me look doing this yearly which the club has agreed to. The 24 hour charity stream went extremely well making $2805 and plenty of friends wanting to get on board to make it a bigger streaming event next year and hopefully take some of the stress off me. Here is a link to the video of the stream if anyone wants to see what I got up to. It involved wax strips, tattoos, shaving cream, worlds hottest corn chip and me ending up with pink hair! [https://www.twitch.tv/videos/551615055](https://www.twitch.tv/videos/551615055) I would also like to thank another mental health charity that does some awesome work with getting youth involved in sport and making sure they can balance life around keeping there mental health in a good place while exercising. The good chat foundation! They also make some awesome clothes that the money goes to helping youth and young adults with mental health problems, so if you get a chance please support them. [https://www.thegoodchatfoundation.com](https://www.thegoodchatfoundation.com/?gclid=Cj0KCQiAs67yBRC7ARIsAF49CdWJN1Jawg_J44PqD9S3BIbKUpycCIsMf4TWcW96FVS2o2uuMbZFv2saAtniEALw_wcB) With a year to plan and more people around helping for next year I'm hoping to get over the $10k mark and really make a difference in peoples life! I would like to thank everyone here that supported with the kind words of support! If you would like to help in anyway for next year here is a couple ways. \- Donation \- Sharing with friends \- Know a business that may donate a raffle prize? Let me know \- Know a business that would like to take a fundraising tin? Get them to reach out to me \- Know any gaming/tech business that may want to help with the stream in either a raffle or making it an easier time \- Checking out the Beyond Blue website \- Asking a friend or family how they are doing \- Words of support Remember it doesn't matter who you are, you can always make a difference in someones life!",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ei7rod,Lately I decided I'mma stay alive,1c,rant,1,"I just wanna live and see society die Blackmage☿️",PretendMD,1,0,0,2019-12-31 19:43:21,depression,I just wanna live and see society die Blackmage☿️,0,1,0,What made you feel X ?,the society is bad,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how society makes you feel,What can help you overcome X ?,the feeling that the world is bad,,True,010 eiwsjb,:Potential Trigger: Story of somatic symptoms. 🤔,0,rant,2,"The point of this post is for venting and frustration. I'm not looking for medical advice; only that someone else may have been through something alike. Two and a 1/2 years ago, I had an unfamiliar event that involved horrific insomnia, arrhythmia, and subsequent palpitations. I eventually recognized that it suspiciously coincided with some major issues that happened simultaneously with the physical event. Had the hub go to the ER at midnight because I legitimately thought it was a heart attack and was terrified I wouldn't wake up in the morning. My body had a hypertensive emergency with tachycardia at 25; bp was 191/114. I specifically remember the numbers because it sounded so fuc**ng unreal and impossible. They all thought it was cocaine and I was somehow trying to hide it--5 separate people--despite that wasn't the problem. But the look on the doctor's face when she came back to to read my drug panel results was absolutely priceless. 😎 A couple of weeks after mom died in October, it started happening again. Insomnia; then the arrhythmia. Subsequent palpitations--feeling like my heart would stop for a second, which would frighten me and feed into the insomnia. Terrified I wouldn't wake up if I fell asleep. It was cyclical and getting worse. Then a seizure happened. The CT scan, EEG, and MRI ~all~ came back perfectly normal. No doctor has looked any deeper besides prescribing a med for my bp. They already have a record of anxiety. I don't know how to tell them to consider this again without sounding like I'm weak or just asking for drugs.",RubyPrynne,1,0,0,2020-01-02 10:49:28,Anxiety,"The point of this post is for venting and frustration. I'm not looking for medical advice; only that someone else may have been through something alike. Two and a 1/2 years ago, I had an unfamiliar event that involved horrific insomnia, arrhythmia, and subsequent palpitations. I eventually recognized that it suspiciously coincided with some major issues that happened simultaneously with the physical event. Had the hub go to the ER at midnight because I legitimately thought it was a heart attack and was terrified I wouldn't wake up in the morning. My body had a hypertensive emergency with tachycardia at 25; bp was 191/114. I specifically remember the numbers because it sounded so fuc**ng unreal and impossible. They all thought it was cocaine and I was somehow trying to hide it--5 separate people--despite that wasn't the problem. But the look on the doctor's face when she came back to to read my drug panel results was absolutely priceless. A couple of weeks after mom died in October, it started happening again. Insomnia; then the arrhythmia. Subsequent palpitations--feeling like my heart would stop for a second, which would frighten me and feed into the insomnia. Terrified I wouldn't wake up if I fell asleep. It was cyclical and getting worse. Then a seizure happened. The CT scan, EEG, and MRI ~all~ came back perfectly normal. No doctor has looked any deeper besides prescribing a med for my bp. They already have a record of anxiety. I don't know how to tell them to consider this again without sounding like I'm weak or just asking for drugs.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eklaue,Social anxiety? Panic attacks? Why does this happen and what is going on?,1a,help-seeking,3,"Is this social anxiety? Are these panic attacks? Someone please provide insight on what I am experiencing. Have worked in my profession for 2 years now but the last two months have become crippling and debilitating to the point where going to work is terrifying. However, in general, this has been happening to me. Like if I was to run into someone I knew enough to say hi to in the grocery store, this would straight up happen during a convo and I can’t figure out how to avoid it. I am so terrified to talk to people I do not know so I don’t and then get super nervous to talk to people I barely know since I typically avoid them. This is what happens to me during small/friendly talk with people in my office or sometimes in public when facing strangers/people I know. It also occurs during important meetings or arrangements when the spotlight is on me. This very strange sensation onsets and eventually dissipates when the “threat” is gone. It HAS to be a panic attack but people have told me they do not think it is that. It is not as severe when I have been drinking but I would rather not become an alcoholic. My mind and body essentially shut down during small/friendly talk with co-workers or meeting new people (sober). Its this sensation that strikes me at once and my adrenaline skyrockets, mind and thought processes become completely blank, all memory dissolved, head becomes completely lightheaded, eye contact is literally impossible to make, vision blurs (tunnel vision), all of my senses shut down, body tingling, and body temperature increases. It feels like I am on acid, my body and mind go into complete shock and panic mode. During the episode, if it has carried on long enough, sometimes it has gotten so bad (like in front of my VP’s - notably, extremely important people to my profession) that I feel like I am on the verge of fainting (although I have never fainted) and I have no choice but to close my eyes, tuck my head in my hands, and let out this moderately volumed, uncontrollable sigh. Literally has happened in front of fucking executives at my company. It is like a social defense mechanism my body automates. I always play it off as an unexpected sharp pain in my head and tell them how I get very frequent migraines and not to worry (usually works and they walk away). Found this video/article that seems to portray exactly what happens to me. https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-08-16/dr-benjamin-habib-on-news-breakfast-in-2016./11414128. Please read/watch; I can literally feel every sensation he is experiencing in this video. I would also like to mention how I always feel “out of it.” After reading Reddit today, I learned this is called “Brain Fog.” This has also heavily worsened and I can no longer focus at work. I am constantly just thinking about ways to fight my anxiety on a minute-by-minute basis; constantly worrying about what I would do in a plausible social situation at work that I could incur at any point throughout the day. I am having trouble learning/retaining new info because of the brain fog. What is going on with me? Why does my body seize up? Why do I constantly feel groggy and anxiety ridden? I am fit, exercise regularly, and eat super healthy (in attempt to combat my anxiety) but always feel shitty. How is it all of a sudden just worse after 20+ years of social interaction? Why is it like I was born yesterday and am straight dumb during conversations? I have my damn masters in engineering, why won’t my mind let me use it effectively in these situations? Hoping its because I have PMO’d since I was 12. I have given up fapping and am 6 days clean. Hope this proves to be effective.",SalientLeaf,1,0,20,2020-01-05 23:53:24,socialanxiety,"Is this social anxiety? Are these panic attacks? Someone please provide insight on what I am experiencing. Have worked in my profession for 2 years now but the last two months have become crippling and debilitating to the point where going to work is terrifying. However, in general, this has been happening to me. Like if I was to run into someone I knew enough to say hi to in the grocery store, this would straight up happen during a convo and I can’t figure out how to avoid it. I am so terrified to talk to people I do not know so I don’t and then get super nervous to talk to people I barely know since I typically avoid them. This is what happens to me during small/friendly talk with people in my office or sometimes in public when facing strangers/people I know. It also occurs during important meetings or arrangements when the spotlight is on me. This very strange sensation onsets and eventually dissipates when the “threat” is gone. It HAS to be a panic attack but people have told me they do not think it is that. It is not as severe when I have been drinking but I would rather not become an alcoholic. My mind and body essentially shut down during small/friendly talk with co-workers or meeting new people (sober). Its this sensation that strikes me at once and my adrenaline skyrockets, mind and thought processes become completely blank, all memory dissolved, head becomes completely lightheaded, eye contact is literally impossible to make, vision blurs (tunnel vision), all of my senses shut down, body tingling, and body temperature increases. It feels like I am on acid, my body and mind go into complete shock and panic mode. During the episode, if it has carried on long enough, sometimes it has gotten so bad (like in front of my VP’s - notably, extremely important people to my profession) that I feel like I am on the verge of fainting (although I have never fainted) and I have no choice but to close my eyes, tuck my head in my hands, and let out this moderately volumed, uncontrollable sigh. Literally has happened in front of fucking executives at my company. It is like a social defense mechanism my body automates. I always play it off as an unexpected sharp pain in my head and tell them how I get very frequent migraines and not to worry (usually works and they walk away). Found this video/article that seems to portray exactly what happens to me. https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-08-16/dr-benjamin-habib-on-news-breakfast-in-2016./11414128. Please read/watch; I can literally feel every sensation he is experiencing in this video. I would also like to mention how I always feel “out of it.” After reading Reddit today, I learned this is called “Brain Fog.” This has also heavily worsened and I can no longer focus at work. I am constantly just thinking about ways to fight my anxiety on a minute-by-minute basis; constantly worrying about what I would do in a plausible social situation at work that I could incur at any point throughout the day. I am having trouble learning/retaining new info because of the brain fog. What is going on with me? Why does my body seize up? Why do I constantly feel groggy and anxiety ridden? I am fit, exercise regularly, and eat super healthy (in attempt to combat my anxiety) but always feel shitty. How is it all of a sudden just worse after 20+ years of social interaction? Why is it like I was born yesterday and am straight dumb during conversations? I have my damn masters in engineering, why won’t my mind let me use it effectively in these situations? Hoping its because I have PMO’d since I was 12. I have given up fapping and am 6 days clean. Hope this proves to be effective.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eiqy4i,HAD A BUG BREAKTHROUGH TODAY!!,0,chitchat,1,"So from ages 12 to 15 I was groomed by a woman and I sent her hundreds of NSFW pictures which she sold on CP sites. Every since then I have a deathly fear of young women around the late teens early 20s age. To the point where I dont let my 19 year old sister touch me or be in the same room as me. But today. Today was different, I let my sister hold my hand and I didn't freak out run away or cry I had anxiety the entire time but it wasnt a out burst like normal. My therapist taught me to associate my sister with trust and how she would never try to hurt me and I did that I told myself in my head all she is doing is holding your hand that's it. And it worked I'm so proud of myself I had to share it somewhere. I know it. Might be dumb to some but for me it was amazing.",XcN-,1,0,0,2020-01-02 01:14:32,ptsd,"So from ages 12 to 15 I was groomed by a woman and I sent her hundreds of NSFW pictures which she sold on CP sites. Every since then I have a deathly fear of young women around the late teens early 20s age. To the point where I dont let my 19 year old sister touch me or be in the same room as me. But today. Today was different, I let my sister hold my hand and I didn't freak out run away or cry I had anxiety the entire time but it wasnt a out burst like normal. My therapist taught me to associate my sister with trust and how she would never try to hurt me and I did that I told myself in my head all she is doing is holding your hand that's it. And it worked I'm so proud of myself I had to share it somewhere. I know it. Might be dumb to some but for me it was amazing.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eumcvp,I'm in love whit anger,0,rant,3,"Hi, I want to know if other people is in my same conditions. And if someone know if this is a pathologie. I'm completely in love whit anger. I love my anger and me when I'm angry, the sensation, the rush; I think is the substances that flood my brain. By me, there are two types of anger, the ""I suck anger"" and the ""berserk anger"" cause I experienced all the two. If I had to tell you all the story whit my anger, this post was a book, so I make it short: felt whit the I suck anger for all of a year, don't joking, I was in totally anger for a YEAR, trust me, it's possible. Every day I woke up like hell, and that was a bad type, cause it bring me to hate myself and to don't talk whit order people, (cause you think all the world is wasting your time, and you have to manage yourself) felt like a beast in a cage, pretty aggressive, for many reasons. After that year, after all that anger, I learn how managed it, alone, by myself and transform it in a new type of anger, the second one, and I'm addicted whit that (in a positive way). My berserk anger is a typical anger, whit his levels. I feels like that for a short time like 1/2 hours, sometimes for no reason and when I'm in that, I feel like a monster that can do everything, passion rush through my veins and flood all my body. It helps me everyday: in my daily routine, in my job, in my sport activity and other things, it makes my day a mission. I hope this post will also helps other people in my old conditions, take a look on your hands, unleash the beast inside you and let it tow the sled. Turn that snarl in a noisy friendly laugh, and your life will change.",goldserker,1,0,5,2020-01-27 10:45:34,Anger,"Hi, I want to know if other people is in my same conditions. And if someone know if this is a pathologie. I'm completely in love whit anger. I love my anger and me when I'm angry, the sensation, the rush; I think is the substances that flood my brain. By me, there are two types of anger, the ""I suck anger"" and the ""berserk anger"" cause I experienced all the two. If I had to tell you all the story whit my anger, this post was a book, so I make it short: felt whit the I suck anger for all of a year, don't joking, I was in totally anger for a YEAR, trust me, it's possible. Every day I woke up like hell, and that was a bad type, cause it bring me to hate myself and to don't talk whit order people, (cause you think all the world is wasting your time, and you have to manage yourself) felt like a beast in a cage, pretty aggressive, for many reasons. After that year, after all that anger, I learn how managed it, alone, by myself and transform it in a new type of anger, the second one, and I'm addicted whit that (in a positive way). My berserk anger is a typical anger, whit his levels. I feels like that for a short time like 1/2 hours, sometimes for no reason and when I'm in that, I feel like a monster that can do everything, passion rush through my veins and flood all my body. It helps me everyday: in my daily routine, in my job, in my sport activity and other things, it makes my day a mission. I hope this post will also helps other people in my old conditions, take a look on your hands, unleash the beast inside you and let it tow the sled. Turn that snarl in a noisy friendly laugh, and your life will change.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eiw3em,I think my friend is depressed,0,help-seeking,2,"I have a friend who plays football at a division one university on the east coast. We are currently home for winter break. Today my friend gave me a ride home and on the ride home he told me how he hates his college and doesn’t want to go back. He seems miserable there, the academics are really challenging and he tends to be a really quiet guy until you get to know him so he hasn’t really made a lot of friends. The people on his team like to drink and he doesn’t, so he finds it difficult to get along with them. He also wants a girlfriend but he’s not that good at talking to girls so he is down on himself about that. He has an instagram account where he posts memes and over the past 6th months the captions have been getting sadder and sadder. One of the posts is captioned “I could be in a room with all my friends and family and still feel alone”. After the car ride tonight I felt something was off with him so I went back and looked at his posts and the fact that I didn’t notice this sooner was quite disturbing to me. We were gathered at a friends house to play board games tonight and he didn’t seem to be having much fun and before we went to college he used to be a lot happier. Do you think that my friend is depressed from what I’ve said so far. His symptoms have definitely existed for more than 4 months if that helps at all. I talk to him over a PS4 chat party just about every other day when we are in school and he has been like this for a while. Second question, he leaves for school in three days, should I do something about this like try and get him help before he leaves?",throwawaylaki,1,0,2,2020-01-02 09:23:50,Anxiety,"I have a friend who plays football at a division one university on the east coast. We are currently home for winter break. Today my friend gave me a ride home and on the ride home he told me how he hates his college and doesn’t want to go back. He seems miserable there, the academics are really challenging and he tends to be a really quiet guy until you get to know him so he hasn’t really made a lot of friends. The people on his team like to drink and he doesn’t, so he finds it difficult to get along with them. He also wants a girlfriend but he’s not that good at talking to girls so he is down on himself about that. He has an instagram account where he posts memes and over the past 6th months the captions have been getting sadder and sadder. One of the posts is captioned “I could be in a room with all my friends and family and still feel alone”. After the car ride tonight I felt something was off with him so I went back and looked at his posts and the fact that I didn’t notice this sooner was quite disturbing to me. We were gathered at a friends house to play board games tonight and he didn’t seem to be having much fun and before we went to college he used to be a lot happier. Do you think that my friend is depressed from what I’ve said so far. His symptoms have definitely existed for more than 4 months if that helps at all. I talk to him over a PS4 chat party just about every other day when we are in school and he has been like this for a while. Second question, he leaves for school in three days, should I do something about this like try and get him help before he leaves?",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 f0vs7s,"The ""getting over it"" advice I want to give but seems to piss people off...",1b,chitchat,1,"I want to help people understand that the source of misery (or happiness) is within themselves and has more to do with their mental habits of how they look at things than with their life situation so it is something they can and should take responsibility for and control over but it seems like most people just want to blame their conditions over which they have no control and get pissed off at me when I suggest that they start putting in the work to change how their mind works. Now, I admit that perhaps the majority of your happiness or misery is genetic or due to brain injury or trauma and therefore maybe you don't have control over most of it, but still a good percentage CAN be improved by personal effort and that is what I want to help people understand and implement when I give advice to people asking how to get over things because it worked for me!!!",OutdoorsyGeek,1,0,12,2020-02-08 18:47:38,getting_over_it,"I want to help people understand that the source of misery (or happiness) is within themselves and has more to do with their mental habits of how they look at things than with their life situation so it is something they can and should take responsibility for and control over but it seems like most people just want to blame their conditions over which they have no control and get pissed off at me when I suggest that they start putting in the work to change how their mind works. Now, I admit that perhaps the majority of your happiness or misery is genetic or due to brain injury or trauma and therefore maybe you don't have control over most of it, but still a good percentage CAN be improved by personal effort and that is what I want to help people understand and implement when I give advice to people asking how to get over things because it worked for me!!!",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ejk61s,"This world is nothing but sadness, why do we have to stay alive?",1a,help-seeking,1,"Hi guys, this is my first time post something on Reddit and sorry for my bad English! I’m a 18y-o college student and i’ve always felt this since i was 14y-o. I feel empty all the time and i lose interest in everything I used to love. There’s nothing that i like anymore. My grade at college is still good (maybe top 5 in class), i have a good family and good friend too. But i’ve never feel warm or enough before. I’ve tried to suicide twice but failed. The world in my eyes now is nothing but sadness, every day is another day in hell. Everything in my head is all about try to kill myself again. Please tell me that this world is worth to live and what should i do to get through this...",dukiiiiiiii,1,0,6,2020-01-03 19:17:28,sad,"Hi guys, this is my first time post something on Reddit and sorry for my bad English! I’m a 18y-o college student and i’ve always felt this since i was 14y-o. I feel empty all the time and i lose interest in everything I used to love. There’s nothing that i like anymore. My grade at college is still good (maybe top 5 in class), i have a good family and good friend too. But i’ve never feel warm or enough before. I’ve tried to suicide twice but failed. The world in my eyes now is nothing but sadness, every day is another day in hell. Everything in my head is all about try to kill myself again. Please tell me that this world is worth to live and what should i do to get through this...",1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what makes you lose interest in everything,,,,,,True,122 etg375,Anyone have advice on when your ex has his stuff in your house,0,help-seeking,1,"I have a storage unit and his stuff is in there he delayed the hearing until Feb 4 because he wanted a lawyer So I really have to pay another lo the first his crap?",Js10241024,1,0,11,2020-01-24 20:28:04,domesticviolence,I have a storage unit and his stuff is in there he delayed the hearing until Feb 4 because he wanted a lawyer So I really have to pay another lo the first his crap?,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,repeat,True,000 f8wqh5,Getting back to therapy,1a,help-seeking,2,"I've been on and off meds since 2013; dealing with an eating disorder, depression and anxiety. Went to therapy for half a year in 2017 but then my dad suddenly passed away and I withdrew from therapy, I kinda shut down and kept to myself, thinking I need some time before going back. Long story short, I could never gather the courage and didn't went back. I kept getting refillments for my meds but that was it treatment-wise. Now last couple of years I went through some more fucked up stuff that made my mental health even worse, I finally made an appointment with my old pyschiatrist and have been seeing him since last summer. He and I both think I should go back to therapy, doing a small research I found that my old therapist changed her clinic, and I'm not so sure if I should go back to see her or search for another one? Tbh I'm kinda embarassed that I ghosted her and I have this weird feeling that she wouldn't want to work with me anymore. I know that's probably not true, but still. I'm not even sure if I liked working with her, just that she knows my backstory maybe I think going back could benefit me more, and honestly I don't want to lose more time and money searching and finding a new therapist that I hit off with. I don't even know why I'm writing this, I'm probably looking for some encouragement to make that leap of faith and make an appointment with her. But do you think it would be ok? I feel bad for suddenly dropping treatment at that time.",cheftali,1,0,1,2020-02-24 19:37:38,getting_over_it,"I've been on and off meds since 2013; dealing with an eating disorder, depression and anxiety. Went to therapy for half a year in 2017 but then my dad suddenly passed away and I withdrew from therapy, I kinda shut down and kept to myself, thinking I need some time before going back. Long story short, I could never gather the courage and didn't went back. I kept getting refillments for my meds but that was it treatment-wise. Now last couple of years I went through some more fucked up stuff that made my mental health even worse, I finally made an appointment with my old pyschiatrist and have been seeing him since last summer. He and I both think I should go back to therapy, doing a small research I found that my old therapist changed her clinic, and I'm not so sure if I should go back to see her or search for another one? Tbh I'm kinda embarassed that I ghosted her and I have this weird feeling that she wouldn't want to work with me anymore. I know that's probably not true, but still. I'm not even sure if I liked working with her, just that she knows my backstory maybe I think going back could benefit me more, and honestly I don't want to lose more time and money searching and finding a new therapist that I hit off with. I don't even know why I'm writing this, I'm probably looking for some encouragement to make that leap of faith and make an appointment with her. But do you think it would be ok? I feel bad for suddenly dropping treatment at that time.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 etutvo,The Psycho Cybernetics Self Help PDF book By Maxwell Maltz 1960 | SharingeBook - Download Free PDF Books Legally,0,chitchat,1,,webdeveloper5050,1,0,0,2020-01-25 18:55:36,selfhelp,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 f7yjcd,God has abandoned me,1b,rant,1,"Every thing that happens to me makes me beleive that God has abandoned me. I had a friend who is like my real sister. She just told me that I'm not her brother. She was my biggest support and i kept going and remained strong just because i knew my sis is with me. Now that's gone too, like everything else. No one cares. Not even God. What's the point of all this strength that i have to accuire anymore. Everything that has happened to me has been bad. I hate life. Mine is not worth it. I can't help but feel I'm worthless. Everyone just uses me and throws me away.",Just_another_guy18,1,0,20,2020-02-22 20:45:45,getting_over_it,"Every thing that happens to me makes me beleive that God has abandoned me. I had a friend who is like my real sister. She just told me that I'm not her brother. She was my biggest support and i kept going and remained strong just because i knew my sis is with me. Now that's gone too, like everything else. No one cares. Not even God. What's the point of all this strength that i have to accuire anymore. Everything that has happened to me has been bad. I hate life. Mine is not worth it. I can't help but feel I'm worthless. Everyone just uses me and throws me away.",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why your friend left you,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel lonely,,True,120 emnnx5,Anybody who's angry can 100% hit me badly.,1a,chitchat,1,"Honestly, in this way I'll at least get some sympathy. And I'll also feel good that I get what I'm worthy of.",_humanFromSpace,1,0,1,2020-01-10 07:30:23,Anger,"Honestly, in this way I'll at least get some sympathy. And I'll also feel good that I get what I'm worthy of.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ejr3d3,group chats,0,survey,1,"My boyfriend keeps adding me into group chats with a bunch of his other friends so that I can meet them. The only time I really talk in them is when he asks me to. I've tried to tell him how uncomfortable it makes me feel to be in the group chats but he still wants me to participate in the group video chats and stuff. It feels like I'm in a room surrounded by 15+ people who are judging every comment I make. Even though it's online, I still feel like this. I don't know why. Does anyone else feel this way?",tuffgohsst,0,0,0,2020-01-04 03:42:08,socialanxiety,"My boyfriend keeps adding me into group chats with a bunch of his other friends so that I can meet them. The only time I really talk in them is when he asks me to. I've tried to tell him how uncomfortable it makes me feel to be in the group chats but he still wants me to participate in the group video chats and stuff. It feels like I'm in a room surrounded by 15+ people who are judging every comment I make. Even though it's online, I still feel like this. I don't know why. Does anyone else feel this way?",2,1,0,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel uncomfortable,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel uncomfortable,,True,210 eodfeq,Opiate dependency,0,rant,1,"Been bouncing between kratom and suboxone. I work over 40 hours a week and I'm in desperate search of something, substance or other wise, that I can take as an alternative or maybe someone's past experience with this issue. Only constructive comments please.",alcaeus93,1,0,10,2020-01-14 00:45:52,OpiatesRecovery,"Been bouncing between kratom and suboxone. I work over 40 hours a week I'm in desperate search of something, substance or other wise, that I can take as an alternative or maybe someone's past experience with this issue. Only constructive comments please.",1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you are using kratom and suboxone,How did X make you feel?,taking kratom and suboxone,,,,True,102 ej98la,I’m Suicidal And I Hate Myself So Much....,1a,rant,1,I Just Want This Life To Be Over. The World Is An Ugly Place. I’m Tired Of Being Depressed I Wish Life Would Just Get On Already I’m Not Writing This For Pity. I’m Just Saying How I Truly Feel For Once. The Only Thing That Keeps Me From Taking My Life Is My Mom And My Sisters. I Continuously Want To Self Harm As I’ve Done Since I Was 18 I’m 34 Now. I Used To Be A Drug Addict And I Over Came That. If It Wasn’t For My Job That I Love I Would Be Miserable All The Time. I Have A Sense Of Self Loathe And Hatred For Myself. I Know I Should Appreciate Life But I Don’t I Hate It I Hate My Self. Thank You For Reading.,FrankeeStarr,3,0,7,2020-01-03 03:10:41,sad,I Just Want This Life To Be Over. The World Is An Ugly Place. I’m Tired Of Being Depressed I Wish Life Would Just Get On Already I’m Not Writing This For Pity. I’m Just Saying How I Truly Feel For Once. The Only Thing That Keeps Me From Taking My Life Is My Mom And My Sisters. I Continuously Want To Self Harm As I’ve Done Since I Was 18 I’m 34 Now. I Used To Be A Drug Addict And I Over Came That. If It Wasn’t For My Job That I Love I Would Be Miserable All The Time. I Have A Sense Of Self Loathe And Hatred For Myself. I Know I Should Appreciate Life But I Don’t I Hate It I Hate My Self. Thank You For Reading.,2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel that the world is an ugly place,,True,220 ei8x3z,Idk anymore (vent),1a,rant,1,"Sry i just need to vent.i have been clean for roughly two months now so i dont even feel like i belong here anymore, i dont really feel like i belong anywhere and it is reslly fucking with my head. I just feel alone and shit and i dont know how i feel but its not fun whatever it is. Its nye, i feel alone despite being with friends but its not like we r close, i cant tell them how im feeling and i dont want to either, i dont wanna fuck up their new years. Sry i just needed to vent",mr_eeeer,1,0,0,2019-12-31 21:12:27,selfharm,"Sry i just need to vent.i have been clean for roughly two months now so i dont even feel like i belong here anymore, i dont really feel like i belong anywhere and it is reslly fucking with my head. I just feel alone and shit and i dont know how i feel but its not fun whatever it is. Its nye, i feel alone despite being with friends but its not like we r close, i cant tell them how im feeling and i dont want to either, i dont wanna fuck up their new years. Sry i just needed to vent",0,2,1,What made you feel X ?,so lonely,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you not feel lonely,,True,021 ei8qyz,Ask yourself if you hurt people when you get anxious after meeting them,1a,rant,1,"I don’t know if I worded it right and if it helps but when I meet people and get anxious about them hating me, I ask myself if I hurt them in some way, otherwise it is just faulty judgement against you which has nothing to do with you and says more about them. Eg. You are worried you were too quiet or you used the wrong words that makes you think you look stupid but the truth is, those aren’t reasons to actually make you hate-able. I also actively tell myself I am overthinking when I do not get expected reactions (like smile at me, acknowledge me) because maybe they have reasons why they were acting that way (tired, hungry, etc) The whole world is not out to get you.",dananasinpajamas,1,0,1,2019-12-31 20:58:55,Anxiety,"I don’t know if I worded it right and if it helps but when I meet people and get anxious about them hating me, I ask myself if I hurt them in some way, otherwise it is just faulty judgement against you which has nothing to do with you and says more about them. Eg. You are worried you were too quiet or you used the wrong words that makes you think you look stupid but the truth is, those aren’t reasons to actually make you hate-able. I also actively tell myself I am overthinking when I do not get expected reactions (like smile at me, acknowledge me) because maybe they have reasons why they were acting that way (tired, hungry, etc) The whole world is not out to get you.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 eikgs9,Curious if my reaction is 'normal' (possible trigger warning),1b,help-seeking,2,"Usually when people lie, I just think less of them and walk away. But when it's someone I have to be close to and am supposed to trust? I get extremely upset. My husband, of around 8 years, is sometimes completely delusional. He'll say things that are a complete exaggeration, if I bring it up, accuse me of doing whatever im accusing him of, then if I try to ask him when he calms down he denies ever saying that and accuse me of lying. Latest example is really dumb, but for reference, he insisted every time we go out to eat, it cost one whole paycheck. It doesn't. He probably just misspoke... but when I tell him that's an abserd exaggeration, he says he never said it, that I'M exaggerating everything. If I can prove he's wrong, he never apologizes, only more angry sarcasm. He also has this problem where he cannot have a conversation without screaming. The louder he is, the more right he must be. It makes me so angry I want to die, then I completely shut down and can't function for a few hours. My brain goes almost catatonic, no thoughts. In more serious matters, i sometimes lose my memory. I can't remember what I thought about the situation before he was screaming, I only know I thought he was wrong. I feel like I should handle HIS (I'm going to call it forgetfulness) in such a dramatic manner, but it makes me feel so alone in the world. TL:DR My mind needs to heal and I need a rock to anchor me to reality. When he does dumb stuff like misrepresentat facts, I can't handle it. Any advice? I am in therapy, on medication, 4 years out of my traumatic event (that lasted 12 years), can't leave him as he's my patron (sugar daddy) and we've done couples therapy. Didn't help.",TheHowlingMoon,1,0,7,2020-01-01 16:55:46,ptsd,"Usually when people lie, I just think less of them and walk away. But when it's someone I have to be close to and am supposed to trust? I get extremely upset. My husband, of around 8 years, is sometimes completely delusional. He'll say things that are a complete exaggeration, if I bring it up, accuse me of doing whatever im accusing him of, then if I try to ask him when he calms down he denies ever saying that and accuse me of lying. Latest example is really dumb, but for reference, he insisted every time we go out to eat, it cost one whole paycheck. It doesn't. He probably just misspoke... but when I tell him that's an abserd exaggeration, he says he never said it, that I'M exaggerating everything. If I can prove he's wrong, he never apologizes, only more angry sarcasm. He also has this problem where he cannot have a conversation without screaming. The louder he is, the more right he must be. It makes me so angry I want to die, then I completely shut down and can't function for a few hours. My brain goes almost catatonic, no thoughts. In more serious matters, i sometimes lose my memory. I can't remember what I thought about the situation before he was screaming, I only know I thought he was wrong. I feel like I should handle HIS (I'm going to call it forgetfulness) in such a dramatic manner, but it makes me feel so alone in the world. TL:DR My mind needs to heal and I need a rock to anchor me to reality. When he does dumb stuff like misrepresentat facts, I can't handle it. Any advice? I am in therapy, on medication, 4 years out of my traumatic event (that lasted 12 years), can't leave him as he's my patron (sugar daddy) and we've done couples therapy. Didn't help.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you deal with your husband,,True,221 ejgk97,I broke,0,chitchat,1,Was clean for 21 days.,C_dog_Sparky22,3,0,1,2020-01-03 15:04:57,selfharm,I broke Was clean for 21 days.,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what caused the relapse,How did X make you feel?,the cutting yourself again,What do you need help with now that X?,you broke your 21 days clean streak,,True,100 ekhv65,Any Jennifer's to make fun of.,0,chitchat,4,"[https://imgur.com/gallery/jWoEeIE](https://imgur.com/gallery/jWoEeIE) \>I think they like to bite. \>I think dissociation can be cured by Jennifer's. but these bitches don't snitch. like good bitches. \>Hello darkness we meet again Jennifer. Jennifer's is not the good switch.snitch.",Jenniferhunter23,1,0,0,2020-01-05 19:39:49,Anger,[https://imgur.com/gallery/jWoEeIE](https://imgur.com/gallery/jWoEeIE) \>I think they like to bite. \>I think dissociation can be cured by Jennifer's. but these bitches don't snitch. like good bitches. \>Hello darkness we meet again Jennifer. Jennifer's is not the good switch.snitch.,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 el02eh,"People with PTSD, please help.",0,help-seeking,1,"My personality test came back with high frequencies of Schizophrenia, Sociopathy, and PTSD. I often have thoughts and visions of doing vicious things to living things to kill them. My question is, do any of you with PTSD only have thoughts and urges to murder?",myweedshmack,1,0,22,2020-01-06 20:48:40,ptsd,"My personality test came back with high frequencies of Schizophrenia, Sociopathy, and PTSD. I often have thoughts and visions of doing vicious things to living things to kill them. My question is, do any of you with PTSD only have thoughts and urges to murder?",2,0,1,,,How did X make you feel?,the violent thoughts,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you cope with the violent thoughts,,True,201 ejx4gq,Can't seem to enjoy myself around other people,1a,survey,1,"Does anyone else feel like you go to social events just because you should? I have a smaller group of friends and family that i spend time with occasionally. When I do however, I find it extremely difficult to enjoy myself and relax around them. I am a shy and introverted person, and really have to make an effort to engage in conversations, even with people I've known for a long time. Instead I find myself looking at my phone to see if its appropriate for me to leave yet. I always wish that I can enjoy myself but seem to be let down by my own social anxiety, making it impossible to feel at home despite being around people I like.",OldPineapple6,13,0,8,2020-01-04 14:17:26,socialanxiety,"Does anyone else feel like you go to social events just because you should? I have a smaller group of friends and family that i spend time with occasionally. When I do however, I find it extremely difficult to enjoy myself and relax around them. I am a shy and introverted person, and really have to make an effort to engage in conversations, even with people I've known for a long time. Instead I find myself looking at my phone to see if its appropriate for me to leave yet. I always wish that I can enjoy myself but seem to be let down by my own social anxiety, making it impossible to feel at home despite being around people I like.",2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,your social anxiety,What do you need help with now that X?,you can't enjoy due to anxiety.,,True,200 ekgh9m,PTSD,1a,help-seeking,1,Any advice for ptsd that rebounds after getting sober. I have done great with abstaining and as my brain continues to heal so do so many memories repressed. So many triggers and it keeps getting worse. I knew it was coming and I know I am going to continue to stay sober even if it means being in a troubled head space. I feel like getting alcohol out of my life was critical to get better. Now I feel like I'm sober long enough to want some kind of life without jacking up my sobriety. And that means addressing my demons the worst is me. I am a functioning ptsd person as in I can hold a job only because without that nothing can get me out of my head. Therapy and ssri drugs do not work the drug's make it worse for me and my doctor knows I never want anything addictive prescribed. What I know I need to do is eat healthy and get sugar out of my diet. I know and I'm as addicted to sugar as I was with alcohol. Just need some courage to get started,dsfkjsd,1,0,0,2020-01-05 18:01:53,ptsd,Any advice for ptsd that rebounds after getting sober. I have done great with abstaining and as my brain continues to heal so do so many memories repressed. So many triggers and it keeps getting worse. I knew it was coming and I know I am going to continue to stay sober even if it means being in a troubled head space. I feel like getting alcohol out of my life was critical to get better. Now I feel like I'm sober long enough to want some kind of life without jacking up my sobriety. And that means addressing my demons the worst is me. I am a functioning ptsd person as in I can hold a job only because without that nothing can get me out of my head. Therapy and ssri drugs do not work the drug's make it worse for me and my doctor knows I never want anything addictive prescribed. What I know I need to do is eat healthy and get sugar out of my diet. I know and I'm as addicted to sugar as I was with alcohol. Just need some courage to get started,2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,the triggers make you feel,,,,True,212 es60wk,I need help moving on from serious heartbreak,1b,help-seeking,1,"I'm in love with someone who chose his family over me. we were together over a year in a very whirwind fantasy relationship, and its all done. I'm devastated and i just can't figure out what to do with myself... he told me he loves me, he wants to be with me - but his fears and his families disapproval has changed all of that. He made so many promises he didn't keep, so many words but no actions. I should move past this - but in my gut and heart he's my soulmate. I'm in therapy, i'm on meds and my heart just always hurts. I cannot move past it because it all feels so real and fresh. i try to stay active, i try to stay positive, i'm trying to find myself. but god does all of this just suck.. i miss him. Any advice besides time? I want to find myself again, and go back to the happy person i was before this. but damn, its tough. Advice or suggestions are greatly appreciated.",wiggleyeah,1,0,3,2020-01-22 03:18:55,selfhelp,"I'm in love with someone who chose his family over me. we were together over a year in a very whirwind fantasy relationship, and its all done. I'm devastated and i just can't figure out what to do with myself... he told me he loves me, he wants to be with me - but his fears and his families disapproval has changed all of that. He made so many promises he didn't keep, so many words but no actions. I should move past this - but in my gut and heart he's my soulmate. I'm in therapy, i'm on meds and my heart just always hurts. I cannot move past it because it all feels so real and fresh. i try to stay active, i try to stay positive, i'm trying to find myself. but god does all of this just suck.. i miss him. Any advice besides time? I want to find myself again, and go back to the happy person i was before this. but damn, its tough. Advice or suggestions are greatly appreciated.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ek644n,Just got negtive sexual comments on my breast from a man in walmart,1b,help-seeking,2,"Posting also to CPTSD: just for support because idk what to do rn. My fiance and I went to see the new movie ""Uncut Gems"" and it's not my kinda show, but we haven't been on a date for awhile so I got dressed up. Super low cut shirt with choker (my breasts almost slipped out a few times) and even a thong, with no bra. I was sexually assaulted multiple times throughout my life, and just started to come to terms with the fact I was sexually assaulted by a neighbor boy when I was 4 just two days ago... Ive started to dress more 'slutty' because I love looking like that, and even like the word. It makes me feel in control of my sexuality and my fiance doesn't mind ;) But we had to stop at Walmart after and get sleeping pills for my insomnia, we were holding hands and in high spirits talking about the movie walking down a main aisle when some large guy and his girl walked past. He pointed at my chest and said ""COME ON...."" Smiling and laughing, almost touching them until they walked past. Fiance didn't even realize because he thought he was pointing at him for some reason. I told him it was my boobs, and I wasn't mistaken because he didn't pull his fingers away until he nearly touched them. Fiance got me out of there as soon as he could, and we just made it home. I don't know what to do. I've been crying a little, but I'm so mad. This isn't the first time, but it is for him witnessing something like this. Can y'all just help me understand what the fuck happened?",FemmeBasketCase,11,0,17,2020-01-05 01:45:11,rapecounseling,"Posting also to CPTSD: just for support because idk what to do rn. My fiance and I went to see the new movie ""Uncut Gems"" and it's not my kinda show, but we haven't been on a date for awhile so I got dressed up. Super low cut shirt with choker (my breasts almost slipped out a few times) and even a thong, with no bra. I was sexually assaulted multiple times throughout my life, and just started to come to terms with the fact I was sexually assaulted by a neighbor boy when I was 4 just two days ago... Ive started to dress more 'slutty' because I love looking like that, and even like the word. It makes me feel in control of my sexuality and my fiance doesn't mind ;) But we had to stop at Walmart after and get sleeping pills for my insomnia, we were holding hands and in high spirits talking about the movie walking down a main aisle when some large guy and his girl walked past. He pointed at my chest and said ""COME ON...."" Smiling and laughing, almost touching them until they walked past. Fiance didn't even realize because he thought he was pointing at him for some reason. I told him it was my boobs, and I wasn't mistaken because he didn't pull his fingers away until he nearly touched them. Fiance got me out of there as soon as he could, and we just made it home. I don't know what to do. I've been crying a little, but I'm so mad. This isn't the first time, but it is for him witnessing something like this. Can y'all just help me understand what the fuck happened?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ekeetw,My subconcious always self sabotages me,1a,help-seeking,1,"I'm not sure if someone else has had this problem before, but whenever I'm happy I always feel like I shouldn't be cause I'm worried I'll be disappointed. What's even worse is that whenever I'm happy i immediately start thinking I don't deserve this and a voice in my head just wants to sabotage things and mess it up. Whenever good things happen to me like an attractive girl says I'm good looking or someone compliments me I feel like I don't deserve it. I'm not sure if this stems from my childhood cause my mom used to hit me to punish me and never really congratulated me for any achievement other than academical. If someone could help me override this voice in my head berating me, it would be amazing because I'm tired of letting so many people and opportunities pass me by because of this voice in my head subconsciously stopping me. Also if someone has tips for improving my self esteem (other than hitting the gym, I already do that) that would be great too. Thank you <3",anonymousebunny,0,0,2,2020-01-05 15:32:43,mentalillness,"I'm not sure if someone else has had this problem before, but whenever I'm happy I always feel like I shouldn't be cause I'm worried I'll be disappointed. What's even worse is that whenever I'm happy i immediately start thinking I don't deserve this and a voice in my head just wants to sabotage things and mess it up. Whenever good things happen to me like an attractive girl says I'm good looking or someone compliments me I feel like I don't deserve it. I'm not sure if this stems from my childhood cause my mom used to hit me to punish me and never really congratulated me for any achievement other than academical. If someone could help me override this voice in my head berating me, it would be amazing because I'm tired of letting so many people and opportunities pass me by because of this voice in my head subconsciously stopping me. Also if someone has tips for improving my self esteem (other than hitting the gym, I already do that) that would be great too. Thank you <3",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eipymq,To late for me guys,0,rant,1,,henta1_haven6969,1,0,12,2020-01-01 23:55:53,sad,To late for me guys nan,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,title,True,000 esad4g,Need advice,1a,help-seeking,1,"So this is my first time posting on reddit, but after seeing some of my friends use the platform for advice i decided to use it too. I'm in a relationship and i love my partner very much. But i have PTSD due to sexual assault and an abusive relationship along with my pre-existing major depressive disorder, anxiety, and OCD. Now I've had conversations with them about when triggered i need space and don't like being touched at all. But my partner due to their issues gets really needy(not in a bad way) and sometimes touches me during these times. It's nothing against them, but being touched during this time makes me feel like my skin is burning and makes me go into a kind of angry rage. I pop off (a mixture of crying and arguing) when this happens and feel bad immediately after. I've talked to them multiple times about how it's not them but it's driven a wedge between us. Advice?",depressedcatburrito,1,0,4,2020-01-22 10:56:37,rapecounseling,"So this is my first time posting on reddit, but after seeing some of my friends use the platform for advice i decided to use it too. I'm in a relationship and i love my partner very much. But i have PTSD due to sexual assault and an abusive relationship along with my pre-existing major depressive disorder, anxiety, and OCD. Now I've had conversations with them about when triggered i need space and don't like being touched at all. But my partner due to their issues gets really needy(not in a bad way) and sometimes touches me during these times. It's nothing against them, but being touched during this time makes me feel like my skin is burning and makes me go into a kind of angry rage. I pop off (a mixture of crying and arguing) when this happens and feel bad immediately after. I've talked to them multiple times about how it's not them but it's driven a wedge between us. Advice?",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help overcome your PTSD,,True,221 ej2mab,I dont know where to start...,1b,rant,3,"I'm a 23 year old male, homeless due to family problems that honestly I'm not trying to make excuses but they kicked me out because I warned my own mother about her new husband and something I saw that I wasnt sure what happened but didnt look right with my sister. I've already had been dealing with mental illness and suicidal thoughts alone because my parents had their own lives, careers, and families that they just didnt want to put their time into me even after I was Hospitalized for suicidal thoughts and I had been abusing substances, whatever it may be, and they didnt even notice I mean one day I took some xanax and they never noticed. When I was on painkillers no one even noticed or cared to stop me as a child. My father beat me and mentally abused me, my sisters never were there or cared enough to be there for me or ask if i was ok during my severe depression episodes. Even after begging my mom and family to just check on me or invite me to go out or just do family stuff since I had no friends and till this day have no friends that care enough to ask or check in on me. I abused drugs since I was in freshman in highschool, first started smoking weed but as the issues got worse I just constantly wanted to escape or die. I was taking many things, ambien, acid, benzos, painkillers, sharpies, alcohol, and cough syrup while I was on prozac and anti depressants cause the o boy thing my own mother knew what to do was to medicate me and leave me tf alone and deal with it on my own and deal with withdrawals alone when I tried stopping as a teen and it was painful. I have so much anger I just cant explain it how much I hate them and have told them that. I wanted to get better I wanted to be someone who had a promising future but no they were to focused on their new families they just fucking kicked me out to focus on their step kids. I'm hanging by a thread to my life, I've been suicidal since 2010 and it's just getting worse. I have a job, been trying to get a different one that isnt toxic but I get so depressed I dont even show up to my other interviews because I just cant deal with the past still it still has the same sting and it drives me crazy I yell at myself for not being able to get rid of my past and the pain. I still hope for the day I catch someone on their bad day out here in the hood and they just put one in my head I could care less if they rob me as long as I can get a bullet in my head we are good. Currently I am addicted to substances that are way milder than the hard drugs I was doing before but it's still an addiction...I've been taking kratom daily heavily since 2017, and been dabbing heavily everyday since 2015 and honestly the times I've tried quitting, I swear my body was in pain and I was about to die. Mind you I dont have the luxury to not go to work, I'm homeless living in an broken rv trailer that's not very warm during the winter. I dont have any support or anyone to talk to me or just be by my side to watch tv or anything, I'm not going to get a dog and make he or she suffer with me in such a horrible environment I wouldnt want my dog to live where I live and it drives me crazy cause I know having a dog would help out but I'm in no position to care for one. I may be rambling I'm not sure but I just have no where else to express myself, I've had so much happen i never open up about it or ever able to explain it all. I wish I could afford rehab and have the support system needed after rehab but I know I dont. No one cares, and maybe you all may say that there are people who care but its subjective and most the time even people I hear that are supposedly great and caring end up treating me like shit so I isolate. I dont know how to be a proper person and interact or deal with social cues or the way social relationships go about. I mean make fun of me if you think I cant be addicted to kratom and concentrated cannabis but anything can be addictive, I'll admit I get addicted to anything that gives me pleasure or a sense of peace since in so use to nothing but hell. What makes me more angry is that I have people who abandoned me and can help me right now but decide to just send me letter saying they always have loved me and whatever lying 2 faced bullshit they tell me but words are just words. They knew I was looking for help but no there excuse is that they dont know how to help, yet spend all their time helping others. Yea I hope people like this fuck off cause they just assumed they couldnt help or so they tell themselves to feel better about the situation and not like they chose to abandon someone.",daburai710,6,0,4,2020-01-02 19:11:01,addiction,"I'm a 23 year old male, homeless due to family problems that honestly I'm not trying to make excuses but they kicked me out because I warned my own mother about her new husband and something I saw that I wasnt sure what happened but didnt look right with my sister. I've already had been dealing with mental illness and suicidal thoughts alone because my parents had their own lives, careers, and families that they just didnt want to put their time into me even after I was Hospitalized for suicidal thoughts and I had been abusing substances, whatever it may be, and they didnt even notice I mean one day I took some xanax and they never noticed. When I was on painkillers no one even noticed or cared to stop me as a child. My father beat me and mentally abused me, my sisters never were there or cared enough to be there for me or ask if i was ok during my severe depression episodes. Even after begging my mom and family to just check on me or invite me to go out or just do family stuff since I had no friends and till this day have no friends that care enough to ask or check in on me. I abused drugs since I was in freshman in highschool, first started smoking weed but as the issues got worse I just constantly wanted to escape or die. I was taking many things, ambien, acid, benzos, painkillers, sharpies, alcohol, and cough syrup while I was on prozac and anti depressants cause the o boy thing my own mother knew what to do was to medicate me and leave me tf alone and deal with it on my own and deal with withdrawals alone when I tried stopping as a teen and it was painful. I have so much anger I just cant explain it how much I hate them and have told them that. I wanted to get better I wanted to be someone who had a promising future but no they were to focused on their new families they just fucking kicked me out to focus on their step kids. I'm hanging by a thread to my life, I've been suicidal since 2010 and it's just getting worse. I have a job, been trying to get a different one that isnt toxic but I get so depressed I dont even show up to my other interviews because I just cant deal with the past still it still has the same sting and it drives me crazy I yell at myself for not being able to get rid of my past and the pain. I still hope for the day I catch someone on their bad day out here in the hood and they just put one in my head I could care less if they rob me as long as I can get a bullet in my head we are good. Currently I am addicted to substances that are way milder than the hard drugs I was doing before but it's still an addiction...I've been taking kratom daily heavily since 2017, and been dabbing heavily everyday since 2015 and honestly the times I've tried quitting, I swear my body was in pain and I was about to die. Mind you I dont have the luxury to not go to work, I'm homeless living in an broken rv trailer that's not very warm during the winter. I dont have any support or anyone to talk to me or just be by my side to watch tv or anything, I'm not going to get a dog and make he or she suffer with me in such a horrible environment I wouldnt want my dog to live where I live and it drives me crazy cause I know having a dog would help out but I'm in no position to care for one. I may be rambling I'm not sure but I just have no where else to express myself, I've had so much happen i never open up about it or ever able to explain it all. I wish I could afford rehab and have the support system needed after rehab but I know I dont. No one cares, and maybe you all may say that there are people who care but its subjective and most the time even people I hear that are supposedly great and caring end up treating me like shit so I isolate. I dont know how to be a proper person and interact or deal with social cues or the way social relationships go about. I mean make fun of me if you think I cant be addicted to kratom and concentrated cannabis but anything can be addictive, I'll admit I get addicted to anything that gives me pleasure or a sense of peace since in so use to nothing but hell. What makes me more angry is that I have people who abandoned me and can help me right now but decide to just send me letter saying they always have loved me and whatever lying 2 faced bullshit they tell me but words are just words. They knew I was looking for help but no there excuse is that they dont know how to help, yet spend all their time helping others. Yea I hope people like this fuck off cause they just assumed they couldnt help or so they tell themselves to feel better about the situation and not like they chose to abandon someone.",2,2,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you get relief from all the pain,,True,221 ejalwi,How Do I Stop My Mother?,1b,help-seeking,3,"So I grew up with my mother and my autistic sister (2 year younger). Most of life was fine, even if she was a little eccentric and paranoid. But mostly life was good. Eventually I went off to college and apparently my sister started developing psychosis when I was gone. I remember coming back home during college breaks and she'd talk about voices in her head, aliens electrocuting her feet, and I'd wake up in the middle of the night with her staring at me. I quickly deduced that it was schizophrenia or some schizoid disorder but my mother wouldn't have it. My sister was just autistic and this was just her way of acting out. Well my sister's behavior became more disruptive and I noticed this as soon as I came home from graduation. She'd started cursing random people on the street, inventing hallucinations, and generally saying things to strangers that were not appropriate. One day my sister had some tooth pain, some really bad tooth pain. I think a tooth had abscessed. My mother took her to the ER room and my sister freaked out and her paranoia really flared up. A social worker came in, my sister was involuntarily hospitalized for a few days (for evaluation), and later a magistrate found her to be incompetent and she was involuntarily hospitalized for 2 weeks. My mother went ballistic. She started cursing out the hospital, the doctors, the judge, every single person. Every 2 weeks we'd go to the hospital for her re-evaluation hearing and I would drive back with my mom sobbing. A few months later my sister did get out on condition that my mother would follow through the therapy and psychiatric sessions. She did for a few weeks but eventually dropped everything. She then started messing with her medication claiming that the anti-psychotics were unnecessary. My sister went back to her outbreaks and my mother was becoming increasingly irrational. I was slowly losing myself throughout this crisis and I wasn't finding any work in the small town we lived in. So I packed up my bags and flew across the country to hopefully find work and a means to support myself and my mother and sister (at this point I could barely afford my car insurance, phone bill, and groceries with the minimum wage job I had). Well as soon as I left my mother, her mental health became worse. Her obsession over mites (she consistently claimed she was infected with mites since I graduated) has reached a peak. She claims the entire house is infected and that it is unlivable. Not only this, she claims my sister has mites too and my sister goes along with it as she herself is not in a good mental state either. Now my mother gets this great idea to move out of her home, with her two dogs and my sister, to a new state in the Northeast where she claimed my sister would get healthcare and psychiatric care for free (and where my mother can escape the mites). She'd go up the coast, blow through her social security and my sister's disability within half the month on hotels and gas, and drive back to her home every month or so. She kept running out of money so she would ask from family (aunts, nieces, myself) and we all gave her plenty because she'd always call in a time of need (e.g. ""I don't have any money, I haven't had a cigarette in 2 days, we haven't eaten since yesterday, we need $100 to get by.""). We have collectively given her thousands of dollars to essentially drive up and down the Eastern seaboard probably a dozen or two times at this point. Her plan is to find a new house to buy (keep in mind she's escaped foreclosure on her home more times than I can count) and live a mite free life in this wonderful new state. So she goes up and down the Eastern coast, running out of money, living in and out of motels, car camping outside of Walmarts, et cetera and we all tell her that eventually something bad is going to happen. She's going to get into a crash, she's going to get mugged, something bad is going to happen and she could be hurt. My mother blows it all off, tells us that she's just a step away from finding her new home, but one day she loses her bag. She lost her bag, her wallet, her ID, her cards, her everything. She's in New Jersey and nobody can get to her. We somehow manage to get her checked into a hotel for a night even without ID (the police helped her provide identification at this point) and we eventually manage to get a friend that lives in a nearby state to give her enough cash to go home. Now I thought this was it, she'd have to go home to get her new bank card and her new ID and maybe she'd slow down and think this through more rationally. I don't know what I was thinking. Apparently on her way back up to the Northeast, she got into a bad crash. I mean really bad. Someone backended her, her vehicle hit a police car, her truck flipped, my sister suffered a broken wrist and broken nose, her car is totaled, she's completely FUBAR at this point. On top of this, she doesn't even have her new ID! She never went back to her house! My aunt now has her mail (she personally picked it up) and we have her ID, bank card, et cetera, but she's in a wreck 3 or 4 states away (and across the country for me) and we can't even send her money through Western Union or Walmart because she doesn't have any ID. She's basically broke, recovering from a car accident, carless, and homeless. We don't know what to do, the police don't know what to do, social services don't know what to do, nobody knows what to do. She keeps engaging in dangerous erratic behavior and it's going to get her and my sister killed eventually. How do we stop her? I ideally want my mother and my sister hospitalized but the authorities can never hospitalize her for more than a few days (she's a very good talker and can get herself out of nearly any situation). We can't call the police on her because we're not in the same state, and the state she is in won't hospitalize her long term because she's not a resident of whatever state she's in (we've been told something similar to this every time she's temporarily hospitalized). I'm afraid for my sister's life most of all. She's already hurt, I don't want her to suffer anymore.",runawaymomhelp,3,0,5,2020-01-03 05:04:20,mentalillness,"So I grew up with my mother and my autistic sister (2 year younger). Most of life was fine, even if she was a little eccentric and paranoid. But mostly life was good. Eventually I went off to college and apparently my sister started developing psychosis when I was gone. I remember coming back home during college breaks and she'd talk about voices in her head, aliens electrocuting her feet, and I'd wake up in the middle of the night with her staring at me. I quickly deduced that it was schizophrenia or some schizoid disorder but my mother wouldn't have it. My sister was just autistic and this was just her way of acting out. Well my sister's behavior became more disruptive and I noticed this as soon as I came home from graduation. She'd started cursing random people on the street, inventing hallucinations, and generally saying things to strangers that were not appropriate. One day my sister had some tooth pain, some really bad tooth pain. I think a tooth had abscessed. My mother took her to the ER room and my sister freaked out and her paranoia really flared up. A social worker came in, my sister was involuntarily hospitalized for a few days (for evaluation), and later a magistrate found her to be incompetent and she was involuntarily hospitalized for 2 weeks. My mother went ballistic. She started cursing out the hospital, the doctors, the judge, every single person. Every 2 weeks we'd go to the hospital for her re-evaluation hearing and I would drive back with my mom sobbing. A few months later my sister did get out on condition that my mother would follow through the therapy and psychiatric sessions. She did for a few weeks but eventually dropped everything. She then started messing with her medication claiming that the anti-psychotics were unnecessary. My sister went back to her outbreaks and my mother was becoming increasingly irrational. I was slowly losing myself throughout this crisis and I wasn't finding any work in the small town we lived in. So I packed up my bags and flew across the country to hopefully find work and a means to support myself and my mother and sister (at this point I could barely afford my car insurance, phone bill, and groceries with the minimum wage job I had). Well as soon as I left my mother, her mental health became worse. Her obsession over mites (she consistently claimed she was infected with mites since I graduated) has reached a peak. She claims the entire house is infected and that it is unlivable. Not only this, she claims my sister has mites too and my sister goes along with it as she herself is not in a good mental state either. Now my mother gets this great idea to move out of her home, with her two dogs and my sister, to a new state in the Northeast where she claimed my sister would get healthcare and psychiatric care for free (and where my mother can escape the mites). She'd go up the coast, blow through her social security and my sister's disability within half the month on hotels and gas, and drive back to her home every month or so. She kept running out of money so she would ask from family (aunts, nieces, myself) and we all gave her plenty because she'd always call in a time of need (e.g. ""I don't have any money, I haven't had a cigarette in 2 days, we haven't eaten since yesterday, we need $100 to get by.""). We have collectively given her thousands of dollars to essentially drive up and down the Eastern seaboard probably a dozen or two times at this point. Her plan is to find a new house to buy (keep in mind she's escaped foreclosure on her home more times than I can count) and live a mite free life in this wonderful new state. So she goes up and down the Eastern coast, running out of money, living in and out of motels, car camping outside of Walmarts, et cetera and we all tell her that eventually something bad is going to happen. She's going to get into a crash, she's going to get mugged, something bad is going to happen and she could be hurt. My mother blows it all off, tells us that she's just a step away from finding her new home, but one day she loses her bag. She lost her bag, her wallet, her ID, her cards, her everything. She's in New Jersey and nobody can get to her. We somehow manage to get her checked into a hotel for a night even without ID (the police helped her provide identification at this point) and we eventually manage to get a friend that lives in a nearby state to give her enough cash to go home. Now I thought this was it, she'd have to go home to get her new bank card and her new ID and maybe she'd slow down and think this through more rationally. I don't know what I was thinking. Apparently on her way back up to the Northeast, she got into a bad crash. I mean really bad. Someone backended her, her vehicle hit a police car, her truck flipped, my sister suffered a broken wrist and broken nose, her car is totaled, she's completely FUBAR at this point. On top of this, she doesn't even have her new ID! She never went back to her house! My aunt now has her mail (she personally picked it up) and we have her ID, bank card, et cetera, but she's in a wreck 3 or 4 states away (and across the country for me) and we can't even send her money through Western Union or Walmart because she doesn't have any ID. She's basically broke, recovering from a car accident, carless, and homeless. We don't know what to do, the police don't know what to do, social services don't know what to do, nobody knows what to do. She keeps engaging in dangerous erratic behavior and it's going to get her and my sister killed eventually. How do we stop her? I ideally want my mother and my sister hospitalized but the authorities can never hospitalize her for more than a few days (she's a very good talker and can get herself out of nearly any situation). We can't call the police on her because we're not in the same state, and the state she is in won't hospitalize her long term because she's not a resident of whatever state she's in (we've been told something similar to this every time she's temporarily hospitalized). I'm afraid for my sister's life most of all. She's already hurt, I don't want her to suffer anymore.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eimb2s,Anyone also struggles with Social Anxiety?,0,survey,1,Genuinely curious,Cracklingdoock,1,0,7,2020-01-01 19:16:20,BPD,Anyone also struggles with Social Anxiety? Genuinely curious,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your struggle with social anxiety,How did X make you feel?,social anxiety,What do you need help with now that X?,you are struggling with social anxiety,,True,100 eivxkn,I get triggered so easily,1a,rant,1,"If the thought of self harm comes into my head at all I get triggered, at least when Im alone. Literally just reading the words, or seeing a picture of something that reminds me of self harm, or seeing the word relapse. ANYTHING that makes me think about something related to it. Its so humiliating that I cant handle reading a bunch of words without needing to talk to my friends about how I feel bad",cry-for-helpplease,1,0,1,2020-01-02 09:03:58,selfharm,"If the thought of self harm comes into my head at all I get triggered, at least when Im alone. Literally just reading the words, or seeing a picture of something that reminds me of self harm, or seeing the word relapse. ANYTHING that makes me think about something related to it. Its so humiliating that I cant handle reading a bunch of words without needing to talk to my friends about how I feel bad",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel humiliated that you get triggered by just reading,,True,220 eivgkg,Seeing a psychiatrist,1a,rant,2,"Today, in a couple of minutes, I'll have my first ever meeting with a psychiatrist. Have been having extreme anxiety and anxiety attacks since yesterday. Couldn't sleep because of it. My stomach hurts like hell, really feels like I'll throw up any moment. I don't want to talk, I can't talk.. don't want to be around people, but instead of that I am in a children's hospital, surrounded by sick little children (I hate kids) and will need to talk any moment now.. I'm writing this just to take my mind off of this and to waste time untill she calls me in. I will be getting medication for anxiety and maybe depression (I and my psychotherapist didn't talk about antidepressants so idk) But I feel like I'm wasting everyone's time bc I probably won't have time to get the right medications till my life ends.. that's why I don't like planing ahead (at least not after my ""deathday"")",yikesandspikes,1,0,2,2020-01-02 08:04:56,Anxiety,"Today, in a couple of minutes, I'll have my first ever meeting with a psychiatrist. Have been having extreme anxiety and anxiety attacks since yesterday. Couldn't sleep because of it. My stomach hurts like hell, really feels like I'll throw up any moment. I don't want to talk, I can't talk.. don't want to be around people, but instead of that I am in a children's hospital, surrounded by sick little children (I hate kids) and will need to talk any moment now.. I'm writing this just to take my mind off of this and to waste time untill she calls me in. I will be getting medication for anxiety and maybe depression (I and my psychotherapist didn't talk about antidepressants so idk) But I feel like I'm wasting everyone's time bc I probably won't have time to get the right medications till my life ends.. that's why I don't like planing ahead (at least not after my ""deathday"")",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 ei8k8o,"This is cliché as hell but seriously, don't give up!",0,chitchat,2,"I usually only lurk this sub when I'm feeling very depressed and want nothing more to die. Never posted here before but I feel like maybe it'll help someone out there who's like me and thinks it's never going to get better. I've been in therapy for so long. At the end of last year, I tried to kill myself. I was self-harming and in-and-out hospitals. I couldn't go back to school because of debt, stuck in a job I loathed, and still lived with my family. As of now, about a full year later, I found an amazingly supportive boyfriend, I paid off my student debt to go back, I'm taking medicine that seems to work, I somewhat enjoy my job, and just today I just signed the lease for my own apartment. I still have awful days. Days where I want to OD or run off into the woods forever. Depression and BPD still hits me every day, but I can actually say my life is better. I have hope for the future; something that I never felt before. I know you might see these posts and think that it won't happen for you. That those people are the lucky ones. But it happens for all of us. Just dont give up. You never know what you'll miss. If I succeeded in killing myself last year, I wouldn't experience the happiness I do today.",TokioHighway,1,0,0,2019-12-31 20:44:01,depression,"I usually only lurk this sub when I'm feeling very depressed and want nothing more to die. Never posted here before but I feel like maybe it'll help someone out there who's like me and thinks it's never going to get better. I've been in therapy for so long. At the end of last year, I tried to kill myself. I was self-harming and in-and-out hospitals. I couldn't go back to school because of debt, stuck in a job I loathed, and still lived with my family. As of now, about a full year later, I found an amazingly supportive boyfriend, I paid off my student debt to go back, I'm taking medicine that seems to work, I somewhat enjoy my job, and just today I just signed the lease for my own apartment. I still have awful days. Days where I want to OD or run off into the woods forever.Depression and BPD still hits me every day, but I can actually say my life is better. I have hope for the future; something that I never felt before. I know you might see these posts and think that it won't happen for you. That those people are the lucky ones. But it happens for all of us. Just dont give up. You never know what you'll miss. If I succeeded in killing myself last year, I wouldn't experience the happiness I do today.",2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,depresssion,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel so depressed,positive,True,200 eo4g3r,Somehow ended up needing to choose between my partner and my group of friend’s happiness.. please help :( at breaking point!,1b,help-seeking,3,"I’ll try to keep this relatively simple ... I’ve been experiencing a profound ego death for the last 12 months. Some really ugly traits to my character (underneath my light hearted, bubbly surface) have surfaced, including selfishness, chronic carelessness, and my inability to take criticism without denying it and crying. Basically, my wounded inner child has never grown up. Before I got into a relationship was the lowest point of how I treated my friends. Then I met the love of my life. That forced me to encounter certain challenges regarding growing up for his sake. I also moved from a middle class home and area with food provided to the dangerous outskirts of the city to my boyfriend’s household where food wasn’t guaranteed. I’ve never even worked! It’s taking me months to adjust and try to fix up. The pressure makes it harder but also more necessary, given I’ve not changed these habits ever. I break sometimes. I’ve quit weed though and am now job searching and practicing Buddhism thanks to my partner. This process caused me to run away from life and become comfortable doing so for a while. I stopped seeing my friends as much, wrapped up in my own issues, and over time they became more and more intent on only seeing me alone to ‘catch up/ build bridges’ because I only vented about arguments and they were worried. They have decided that my bf is a manipulator and keeping me from them and too intense. The reality is a lot of our stress stems from me not being able to take criticism, apologise and implement change. Fast forward: Now my friends don’t want to spend any time with my bf anymore because they always want to have ‘girl talk’ in which they slander him, and say I should leave him. (A ploy to get me back..) He is of course upset by all this as he has been an angel most of the time to me, holding my hand through the dark night of the soul. He also says his friends would never be this extreme and would respect what he felt about his relationship - my friends don’t care how happy I am, they are fixing on this narrative and not being very cooperative. As time has gone on, my bf has been requesting to come along when they invite me out, and continually rejected because of this. He reached breaking point and is now really upset and won’t see them again without an apology. They refuse to see him until he ‘proves’ himself which he has no need to frankly. It’s a catch 22, someone is going to get hurt because of how extreme things have got. This is just another example of my anxiety and depression having a domino effect on my relationships. However, I do wish to strive for friendships without ultimatums and unnecessary stubbornness. 2 of these 3 friends are KNOWN for being ignorant and stubborn a lot of the time. It’s become a ‘them or me’ scenario at both ends it feels like, and I’m not leaving him because I’m planning a life together, and this entire process has made me begin to wonder if my friends are extremely immature and I need more calmness in my life. Any advice?! Thank you!",earthvisor,1,0,0,2020-01-13 13:58:30,selfhelp,"I’ll try to keep this relatively simple ... I’ve been experiencing a profound ego death for the last 12 months. Some really ugly traits to my character (underneath my light hearted, bubbly surface) have surfaced, including selfishness, chronic carelessness, and my inability to take criticism without denying it and crying. Basically, my wounded inner child has never grown up. Before I got into a relationship was the lowest point of how I treated my friends. Then I met the love of my life. That forced me to encounter certain challenges regarding growing up for his sake. I also moved from a middle class home and area with food provided to the dangerous outskirts of the city to my boyfriend’s household where food wasn’t guaranteed. I’ve never even worked! It’s taking me months to adjust and try to fix up. The pressure makes it harder but also more necessary, given I’ve not changed these habits ever. I break sometimes. I’ve quit weed though and am now job searching and practicing Buddhism thanks to my partner. This process caused me to run away from life and become comfortable doing so for a while. I stopped seeing my friends as much, wrapped up in my own issues, and over time they became more and more intent on only seeing me alone to ‘catch up/ build bridges’ because I only vented about arguments and they were worried. They have decided that my bf is a manipulator and keeping me from them and too intense. The reality is a lot of our stress stems from me not being able to take criticism, apologise and implement change. Fast forward: Now my friends don’t want to spend any time with my bf anymore because they always want to have ‘girl talk’ in which they slander him, and say I should leave him. (A ploy to get me back..) He is of course upset by all this as he has been an angel most of the time to me, holding my hand through the dark night of the soul. He also says his friends would never be this extreme and would respect what he felt about his relationship - my friends don’t care how happy I am, they are fixing on this narrative and not being very cooperative. As time has gone on, my bf has been requesting to come along when they invite me out, and continually rejected because of this. He reached breaking point and is now really upset and won’t see them again without an apology. They refuse to see him until he ‘proves’ himself which he has no need to frankly. It’s a catch 22, someone is going to get hurt because of how extreme things have got. This is just another example of my anxiety and depression having a domino effect on my relationships. However, I do wish to strive for friendships without ultimatums and unnecessary stubbornness. 2 of these 3 friends are KNOWN for being ignorant and stubborn a lot of the time. It’s become a ‘them or me’ scenario at both ends it feels like, and I’m not leaving him because I’m planning a life together, and this entire process has made me begin to wonder if my friends are extremely immature and I need more calmness in my life. Any advice?! Thank you!",2,1,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how your friends actions make you feel,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you become calm,,True,211 ei9w6h,F**k 2019,1c,rant,1,"The worst year of my life, by far. F**k 2020 too. It's 11:30pm here and I'm going to sleep because I don't want to be awake when it ends. Goodnight everybody.",measly92,1,0,0,2019-12-31 22:31:02,depression,"The worst year of my life, by far. F**k 2020 too. It's 11:30pm here and I'm going to sleep because I don't want to be awake when it ends. Goodnight everybody.",1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why your year was bad,How did X make you feel?,the things that happened in the past year,What do you need help with now that X?,you had a bad year,,True,100 en06dd,I painted what one of my panic attacks felt like.,0,chitchat,1,[Here](https://i.imgur.com/2eb3sAI.jpg) it is. It was painted as I was coming back down from the attack.,-HATE-ME-,1,0,16,2020-01-11 00:48:12,ptsd, I painted what one of my panic attacks felt like. [Here](https://i.imgur.com/2eb3sAI.jpg) it is. It was painted as I was coming back down from the attack.,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what caused your panic attacks,How did X make you feel?,the painting,What do you need help with now that X?,you have panic attacks,,True,100 einme3,Feel genuinely evil,1a,rant,1,"Don't think I'm allowed to name, but there's a certain sub which is a giant circlejerk consisting of showcasing messages and letters from people with BPD. Just scrolling endlessly through the comments and things people said, I just feel so fucking terrible as a person. I never want to have kids now in case I have a moment and it's just shamed like that. I get it, I overreact I get hurt by tiny things I get mad angry for no reason but I don't do it for the sake of it, these impulses are real, I'm not pretending to be hurt, I don't want to be shamed and seen as a danger because of my pain. I don't know, maybe I am being unreasonable but it felt like i was just painted as a monster",heavenlyplagues,1,0,4,2020-01-01 20:54:08,BPD,"Don't think I'm allowed to name, but there's a certain sub which is a giant circlejerk consisting of showcasing messages and letters from people with BPD. Just scrolling endlessly through the comments and things people said. I just feel so fucking terrible as a person. I never want to have kids now in case I have a moment and it's just shamed like that. I get it, I overreact I get hurt by tiny things I get mad angry for no reason but I don't do it for the sake of it, these impulses are real, I'm not pretending to be hurt, I don't want to be shamed and seen as a danger because of my pain. I don't know, maybe I am being unreasonable but it felt like i was just painted as a monster",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel terrible after reading the comments,,True,220 eifccl,my instincts almost never fail me- and i dont feel good about 2020. Am I alone?,1a,survey,1,"I always hold an initial judgement towards people and such and its almost never wrong. Anytime I'm thinking about the future it's hard to conceptualize what it could hold- but ending a decade seems like the end of the world. We're not in a good place and seeing 2020 on a calendar scares the sh*t out of me. I feel like I cant make any plans for the rest of my life because I will always want to scream ""whats the point!! The world is ending!!"" And I want to know why?? I want to be happy and make plans but I'm so afraid of putting in the effort just to have life as we know it collapse. 2020 is",labelmake,1,0,1,2020-01-01 06:52:52,BPD,"my instincts almost never fail me- and i dont feel good about 2020. Am I alone? I always hold an initial judgement towards people and such and its almost never wrong. Anytime I'm thinking about the future it's hard to conceptualize what it could hold- but ending a decade seems like the end of the world. We're not in a good place and seeing 2020 on a calendar scares the sh*t out of me. I feel like I cant make any plans for the rest of my life because I will always want to scream ""whats the point!! The world is ending!!"" And I want to know why?? I want to be happy and make plans. I'm so afraid of putting in the effort just to have life as we know it collapse. 2020 is",1,2,1,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you don't feel good about 2020,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would make you happy,,True,121 elulz8,"Marijuana Dependance, Everlasting Cravings",1a,rant,2,"I've been smoking for years, but currently unable to obtain it, and therefor have no other option then to stop. It has been around two weeks, and everyday feels the same. I used to listen to music, every time I smoked a joint. I would buy a energi drink, put on my good headset, and just listen to some good tunes. Weed makes music intense. But now that I can't, I just feel below my standart, unable to reach up, and feel normal. I'm so surprised on how hard it is. I've been aggressive, and I even had suicide thought. I can't believe how hard it is. I smoked maybe four times a day, and would treat it like opium. I just need to feel that high again, be in my own world, listen to some music. Now I'm stranded in reality, nothing really is of any interest. Of course there's many problems involved in this. Also I don't have girlfriend. I believe love also really stimulates oneself. And I'm lonely. So yeah.. It's just so hard. The fact that weed blurred the consciousness, is just a haunting high. Like someone using Heroin, and tryes to get that same high again.",vordreten,1,0,2,2020-01-08 16:01:26,addiction,"I've been smoking for years, but currently unable to obtain it, and therefor have no other option then to stop. It has been around two weeks, and everyday feels the same. I used to listen to music, every time I smoked a joint. I would buy a energi drink, put on my good headset, and just listen to some good tunes. Weed makes music intense. But now that I can't, I just feel below my standart, unable to reach up, and feel normal. I'm so surprised on how hard it is. I've been aggressive, and I even had suicide thought. I can't believe how hard it is. I smoked maybe four times a day, and would treat it like opium. I just need to feel that high again, be in my own world, listen to some music. Now I'm stranded in reality, nothing really is of any interest. Of course there's many problems involved in this. Also I don't have girlfriend. I believe love also really stimulates oneself. And I'm lonely. So yeah.. It's just so hard. The fact that weed blurred the consciousness, is just a haunting high. Like someone using Heroin, and tryes to get that same high again.",2,1,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel after not consuming weed,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unable to control your cravings,,True,210 ep7ocl,Girlfriend broke up with me...,1a,help-seeking,1,"Definitely because of my anger. We got super drunk and I started yelling and accused her of stuff she didn't do. Ruined her friends birthday and honestly this isn't the first time I've done stuff like this. I dont blame her, and I'd really like some resources, hopefully free, to maybe learn to control my anger. Does anyone know of maybe a workbook or something online I can do?",RedbeardOfShire,1,0,17,2020-01-15 20:13:44,Anger,"Girlfriend broke up with me... Definitely because of my anger. We got super drunk and I started yelling and accused her of stuff she didn't do. Ruined her friends birthday and honestly this isn't the first time I've done stuff like this. I dont blame her, and I'd really like some resources, hopefully free, to maybe learn to control my anger. Does anyone know of maybe a workbook or something online I can do?",2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,your outburst,,,title,True,202 ep4fd0,People Questioning Your Alcoholism,1b,survey,1,"Just wondered if anyone has felt this way. When you tell people you're in AA, or you're struggling with drinking and they say: ""you? You're not an alcoholic!"" and then almost make you feel foolish for even thinking such a thing. Or if you have, say, family members who say: ""I mean, I never thought of you as an alcoholic"" almost like they think you're making it up? Idk, I could be extra-sensitive or maybe people think that would make you feel better, but it makes me feel foolish and silly for even going to meetings. Has anyone felt this way?",coffeeandtea0909,1,0,27,2020-01-15 16:26:07,alcoholicsanonymous,"Just wondered if anyone has felt this way. When you tell people you're in AA, or you're struggling with drinking and they say: ""you? You're not an alcoholic!"" and then almost make you feel foolish for even thinking such a thing. Or if you have, say, family members who say: ""I mean, I never thought of you as an alcoholic"" almost like they think you're making it up? Idk, I could be extra-sensitive or maybe people think that would make you feel better, but it makes me feel foolish and silly for even going to meetings. Has anyone felt this way?",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,you feel foolish going to the meetings,,True,221 eqix0n,"Twenty-Four Hours a Day, 1.18",0,chitchat,2,"Thought The new life can't be built in a day. We have to take the program slowly, a little at a time. Our subconscious minds have to be re-educated. We have to learn to think differently. We have to get used to sober thinking instead of alcoholic thinking. Any one who tries it knows that the old alcoholic thinking is apt to come back on us when we least expect it. Building a new life is a slow process, but it can be done if we really follow the A.A. program. Am I building a new life on the foundation of sobriety? Meditation I will pray daily for faith, for it is God's gift. On faith alone depends the answer to my prayers. God gives it to me in response to my prayers, because it is a necessary weapon for me to possess for the over coming of all adverse conditions and the accomplishment of all good in my life. Therefore, I will work at strengthening my faith. Prayer I pray that I may so think and live as to feed my faith in God. I pray that my faith may grow because with faith God's power becomes available to me.",Whtsox,1,0,3,2020-01-18 17:00:13,alcoholicsanonymous,"Thought The new life can't be built in a day. We have to take the program slowly, a little at a time. Our subconscious minds have to be re-educated. We have to learn to think differently. We have to get used to sober thinking instead of alcoholic thinking. Any one who tries it knows that the old alcoholic thinking is apt to come back on us when we least expect it. Building a new life is a slow process, but it can be done if we really follow the A.A. program. Am I building a new life on the foundation of sobriety? Meditation I will pray daily for faith, for it is God's gift. On faith alone depends the answer to my prayers. God gives it to me in response to my prayers, because it is a necessary weapon for me to possess for the over coming of all adverse conditions and the accomplishment of all good in my life. Therefore, I will work at strengthening my faith. Prayer I pray that I may so think and live as to feed my faith in God. I pray that my faith may grow because with faith God's power becomes available to me.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 ei7xkj,Why do adhd meds make you go pee so bad,0,survey,1,I have just lately been having this problem and I drank nothing beforehand and urinated right before dosing. Anyone else?,rplate81,1,0,10,2019-12-31 19:55:49,ADHD,Why do adhd meds make you go pee so bad I have just lately been having this problem and I drank nothing beforehand and urinated right before dosing. Anyone else?,1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what meds you are taking,How did X make you feel?,the meds,,,,True,102 fjl8mt,Coronavirus Love Challenge,0,chitchat,1,"Our reaction to the coronavirus has been far worse than the virus itself. This reaction, and the resulting fear we all experience, come from the same source. There is no justification for compulsively binge watching the latest news like some Netflix show. \---- **This is a challenge to all.** Switch off the news for just one day. All of it. Instead, go do something to experience the beauty in life. It's waiting to be noticed. If this feels better, do it for another day. And then another. Remember, you are not ""sticking your head in the sand"". You are healing the world energetically. One way or another, we will get through this. There is no need for the panic. One love ❤️ \---- Please upvote, x-post, and help spread the love 🙏 **#SpreadLoveNotVirus**",divine_s0da,1,0,4,2020-03-16 13:49:40,getting_over_it,"Our reaction to the coronavirus has been far worse than the virus itself. This reaction, and the resulting fear we all experience, come from the same source. There is no justification for compulsively binge watching the latest news like some Netflix show. \---- **This is a challenge to all.** Switch off the news for just one day. All of it. Instead, go do something to experience the beauty in life. It's waiting to be noticed. If this feels better, do it for another day. And then another. Remember, you are not ""sticking your head in the sand"". You are healing the world energetically. One way or another, we will get through this. There is no need for the panic. One love ❤️ \---- Please upvote, x-post, and help spread the love 🙏 **#SpreadLoveNotVirus**",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ekl4hp,so angry that i do not give a fuck about anything and immediately become suicidal. can anyone help me learn how to stop that,1b,help-seeking,1,"i have always been angry because i got the beat with a belt too many times as a kid i guess you know the gist. i've gotten a lot better about keeping myself in check, but today i went to my parents house for dinner and my sister treated me like shit, which is something she does to people pretty often. i love her and she incubated my nephew who i love even more, but man it pissed me off. i was so mad and i'm still so mad that i just want to kill myself. i spiral very bad. her treating me bad has turned into me not caring about anything and thinking everyone treats me bad when they don't. i don't know i need to be medicated i understand now why people do drugs. i know that's not a good way to solve my problems so if anyone has any suggestions other than take a deep breath and count to ten i would be very grateful",kathleenmedium,1,0,8,2020-01-05 23:40:57,Anger,"i have always been angry because i got the beat with a belt too many times as a kid i guess you know the gist. i've gotten a lot better about keeping myself in check, but today i went to my parents house for dinner and my sister treated me like shit, which is something she does to people pretty often. i love her and she incubated my nephew who i love even more, but man it pissed me off. i was so mad and i'm still so mad that i just want to kill myself. i spiral very bad. her treating me bad has turned into me not caring about anything and thinking everyone treats me bad when they don't. i don't know i need to be medicated i understand now why people do drugs. i know that's not a good way to solve my problems so if anyone has any suggestions other than take a deep breath and count to ten i would be very grateful",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 emmjr5,Sexually molested as a girl by another girl,1b,help-seeking,1,"Hi! Sorry if I posted this in the wrong community... idk where it goes. Im female / 21 When I was around 4-5 I was sexually molested by a girl who was maybe like 12 years old. Multiple times , but I always just thought it was normal and she didn’t hurt me so I was never alarmed. Of course at the time she seemed MUCHmuch older to me, she seemed like an adult At 5 years old I also did sexual things with the girls brother but I don’t know what to call it because we were around the same age. She did this to one of my sisters as well. I’m now 21 but I often have issues with this, flash backs..and just overall confusion... why nobody cared and does it even count as anything? Are my feelings even valid?",anongal33,1,0,2,2020-01-10 05:34:18,rapecounseling,"Hi! Sorry if I posted this in the wrong community... idk where it goes. Im female / 21 When I was around 4-5 I was sexually molested by a girl who was maybe like 12 years old. Multiple times , but I always just thought it was normal and she didn’t hurt me so I was never alarmed. Of course at the time she seemed MUCHmuch older to me, she seemed like an adult At 5 years old I also did sexual things with the girls brother but I don’t know what to call it because we were around the same age. She did this to one of my sisters as well. I’m now 21 but I often have issues with this, flash backs..and just overall confusion... why nobody cared and does it even count as anything? Are my feelings even valid?",2,0,1,,,How did X make you feel?,the flashbacks to your childhood,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you deal with your emotions,,True,201 ekpkwe,[NSFW] I feel like an idiot.,1a,rant,2,"Tldr of my situation: about two years ago i was a high school drug addict. I ended up having a really really bad experience tripping on acid and have been haunted by the experience ever since. I do pretty well on the day to day now but occasionally i do have episodes. FF to this morning. I was eating rye toast for breakfast when i noticed it looked kinda funny. My idiotic brain jumped to ergot fungus (which is what LSD is synthesized from and moldy bread has been theorized to have caused mass hysteria in ye olden days). Now it turns out it was just a bit of flour on the bread. But that didn’t stop me from experiencing a full episode. I got that stomach pitfall feeling from fear and began to feel like i was seeing patterns on the walls and having auditory hallucinations. In the moment i thought i was being hurled into another bad trip. To make a long story short i ended up calling poison control. The lady ok the phone was super nice and helpful. Especially once i managed to convey that i had only eaten bread and i was scared because of past experiences. She ended staying on the line and keeping me calm for about an hour. I just feel kinda stupid that i was panicking over a slice of toast. And i felt like i had made so much progress in healing but now it feels like im back where i started.",PanicAtTheCafe,1,0,0,2020-01-06 05:38:50,ptsd,Tldr of my situation: about two years ago i was a high school drug addict. I ended up having a really really bad experience tripping on acid and have been haunted by the experience ever since. I do pretty well on the day to day now but occasionally i do have episodes. FF to this morning. I was eating rye toast for breakfast when i noticed it looked kinda funny. My idiotic brain jumped to ergot fungus (which is what LSD is synthesized from and moldy bread has been theorized to have caused mass hysteria in ye olden days). Now it turns out it was just a bit of flour on the bread. But that didn’t stop me from experiencing a full episode. I got that stomach pitfall feeling from fear and began to feel like i was seeing patterns on the walls and having auditory hallucinations. In the moment i thought i was being hurled into another bad trip. To make a long story short i ended up calling poison control. The lady ok the phone was super nice and helpful. Especially once i managed to convey that i had only eaten bread and i was scared because of past experiences. She ended staying on the line and keeping me calm for about an hour. I just feel kinda stupid that i was panicking over a slice of toast. And i felt like i had made so much progress in healing but now it feels like im back where i started.,2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you had a panic attack while eating toast,,True,220 eom8jr,"Zero energy, headache, sweats.",1a,rant,1,"I'm approaching day 14, coming off of an 8yr daily habit of 30-60mil Percocet a day along with over drinking and smoking cigs. I quit all 3 at the same time. I don't recommend it. I just thought at this point I would feel a little better. Sleep is getting better, but I wake up with headaches, sweats and can hardly get out of bed. So much work so far and hardly seeing any results. Frustrating.",sevennaps,1,0,44,2020-01-14 14:51:20,OpiatesRecovery,"I'm approaching day 14, coming off of an 8yr daily habit of 30-60mil Percocet a day along with over drinking and smoking cigs. I quit all 3 at the same time. I don't recommend it. I just thought at this point I would feel a little better. Sleep is getting better, but I wake up with headaches, sweats and can hardly get out of bed. So much work so far and hardly seeing any results. Frustrating.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are not feeling better after stopping drugs,,True,220 ezglif,Art on teen dating violence and abuse by me. I entered an art competition hoping to bring awareness to the violence. Please like it by pressing on the original post. Thank you!,0,chitchat,1,,hannahk0901,1,0,0,2020-02-05 21:14:55,domesticviolence,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eik715,Anyone else’s heart race before anything insignificant?,1a,survey,1,"I saw an old friend who I haven’t seen since 3rd grade, I picked her up and dropped her off at a bar. While I was waiting outside for her...my heart was RACING SO FAST. It calmed down after I realized that it isn’t a heart problem and just what was going on in my mental. I just felt little down afterwards that I was physically freaking out over something so small like meeting an old friend for 5 minute drive. Does anyone else get like this? I was nervous because she is very popular and I am complete opposite of her now. So my brain and body kept worrying and being anxious. It just drained me and I don’t want to feel alone in this way... :(",Novemberx123,1,0,6,2020-01-01 16:33:18,socialanxiety,"I saw an old friend who I haven’t seen since 3rd grade, I picked her up and dropped her off at a bar. While I was waiting outside for her...my heart was RACING SO FAST. It calmed down after I realized that it isn’t a heart problem and just what was going on in my mental. I just felt little down afterwards that I was physically freaking out over something so small like meeting an old friend for 5 minute drive. Does anyone else get like this? I was nervous because she is very popular and I am complete opposite of her now. So my brain and body kept worrying and being anxious. It just drained me and I don’t want to feel alone in this way... :(",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel alone,,True,220 eitbv9,scared of getting a full-time desk job again - help?,1a,help-seeking,3,"i just turned 25 and i lost my job in 2019 for the record i have had a long history of anxiety since as far back as i can remember, and have been taking anxiety medication since i was 10 years old. i graduated from college in 2017 and spent almost 8 months looking for a job in graphic design (which is what i studied at school), finally found one, and it was awesome. i was still living at home with my parents and would commute into the city for my job which was about one hour and fifteen minutes each way, but it was okay because i really loved my job and my work really liked me too. about seven months into the job i got sick of the commute and decided to move out on my own. (i've never lived on my own before but i did live with roommates in college) i moved into a studio apartment in the city thinking i was going to live a cool city life, but the week i moved in i started having immense chest pains. these pains continued on and on so i went to my doctors, went to the ER several times thinking i was dying and having a heart attack, but luckily my heart and lungs are totally fine. i've never had this intense chest pain as a symptom of my anxiety before so it caught me off guard, and i think that its also exacerbated by my back problems which cause pain to radiate around my ribs to my chest. but anyway... the pain continued for all of 2019 and got to the point that i couldn't function. i would go in late for work or have to leave early because my chest hurt so bad and i was so sure it was going to kill me. i literally woke up every day and went to bed every day convinced that i was going to die from some weird medical anomaly and i would totally spiral out of control and freak out. i started falling behind with work and i was letting my coworkers down. it got to the point that when i had to go home and spend a few days going to more doctors to figure out what to do, my work called and asked me to step down and resign because i wasn't able to keep up. it was very depressing and i still feel like i have failed at my dream career even though it had only just started. so now i am living at home again with my mom, working part time at an escape room (which is really fun!) but haven't yet gotten back into my career plans for graphic design. i do still have some chest pains but i have adjusted my medication and i have been taking better care of my back with chiropractic care and its 100000x better than before. i'm still afraid of dying and worry about it sometimes but i am able to function day to day now. the idea of getting another 9-5 job or living on my own again scares the shit out of me now because i am so afraid that whatever triggered the pain the first time will happen again and i really don't want to go back to that place of pain ever again. i would really like to see a life coach but don't have a lot of money so i figured maybe reddit could be an alternative lol. any advice from people working with anxiety? much appreciated",arumzd,1,0,2,2020-01-02 04:32:17,Anxiety,"i just turned 25 and i lost my job in 2019 for the record i have had a long history of anxiety since as far back as i can remember, and have been taking anxiety medication since i was 10 years old. i graduated from college in 2017 and spent almost 8 months looking for a job in graphic design (which is what i studied at school), finally found one, and it was awesome. i was still living at home with my parents and would commute into the city for my job which was about one hour and fifteen minutes each way, but it was okay because i really loved my job and my work really liked me too. about seven months into the job i got sick of the commute and decided to move out on my own. (i've never lived on my own before but i did live with roommates in college) i moved into a studio apartment in the city thinking i was going to live a cool city life, but the week i moved in i started having immense chest pains. these pains continued on and on so i went to my doctors, went to the ER several times thinking i was dying and having a heart attack, but luckily my heart and lungs are totally fine. i've never had this intense chest pain as a symptom of my anxiety before so it caught me off guard, and i think that its also exacerbated by my back problems which cause pain to radiate around my ribs to my chest. but anyway... the pain continued for all of 2019 and got to the point that i couldn't function. i would go in late for work or have to leave early because my chest hurt so bad and i was so sure it was going to kill me. i literally woke up every day and went to bed every day convinced that i was going to die from some weird medical anomaly and i would totally spiral out of control and freak out. i started falling behind with work and i was letting my coworkers down. it got to the point that when i had to go home and spend a few days going to more doctors to figure out what to do, my work called and asked me to step down and resign because i wasn't able to keep up. it was very depressing and i still feel like i have failed at my dream career even though it had only just started. so now i am living at home again with my mom, working part time at an escape room (which is really fun!) but haven't yet gotten back into my career plans for graphic design. i do still have some chest pains but i have adjusted my medication and i have been taking better care of my back with chiropractic care and its 100000x better than before. i'm still afraid of dying and worry about it sometimes but i am able to function day to day now. the idea of getting another 9-5 job or living on my own again scares the shit out of me now because i am so afraid that whatever triggered the pain the first time will happen again and i really don't want to go back to that place of pain ever again. i would really like to see a life coach but don't have a lot of money so i figured maybe reddit could be an alternative lol. any advice from people working with anxiety? much appreciated",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 ey0zq3,There is nowhere on the internet that is helping with immediate frustration...,1c,help-seeking,1,"Like, I literally searched for half an hour, tryinf to find immediate ways to get rid of frustration, but NOOOOO it all has to be about long term anger and bs, just give me a fucking ritual to get rid of my frustration, whats so fucking hard about giving me what i searched for? I literally searched ""How to release frustration ""Right Now"" NOT LATER"" and it still gave me fucking posts about long term anger, Google is really going down the shitter. Anyway, tell me how to release frustration right now, not later, NOW.",jh5r4tewsbvrtd,1,0,11,2020-02-03 03:57:17,Anger,"Like, I literally searched for half an hour, tryinf to find immediate ways to get rid of frustration, but NOOOOO it all has to be about long term anger and bs, just give me a fucking ritual to get rid of my frustration, whats so fucking hard about giving me what i searched for? I literally searched ""How to release frustration ""Right Now"" NOT LATER"" and it still gave me fucking posts about long term anger, Google is really going down the shitter. Anyway, tell me how to release frustration right now, not later, NOW.",1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what caused you to be frustrated,,,,,,True,122 eibctf,I havent self harmed this year at all 😎😎,0,rant,1,,fmlamli,1,0,0,2020-01-01 00:28:06,selfharm,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 ej33dt,Do planners really work?,0,help-seeking,1,"I have seen posts about people using planners and calendars to remind themselves, does it really work or am i just gonna forget to put things in it ?",randompersonpao,2,0,18,2020-01-02 19:44:13,ADHD,"I have seen posts about people using planners and calendars to remind themselves, does it really work or am i just gonna forget to put things in it ?",0,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,002 ey4lsg,CPTSD and the recovery,0,survey,1,"I just wanted to know if anyone had stories about how they found recovering or found ways of coping with the aftermath of domestic abuse and PTSD? I have been going to therapy after being diagnosed in November after years of struggling with day to day life and being in and out of jobs and breakdown of friendships and relationships I just wanted to know what peoples experiences were. I left my ex 3years ago and was in the relationship for 4 years so it was a big part of my life for the past 7years. One of the things I have found hard is that as a man (aged 25) that I have to deal with everything with almost stigma at every turn in some way shape or form. So it would be nice to read some information about someones recovery, how people moved on or even stories about someones PTSD after a domestically abusive relationship.",elliot6440,1,0,2,2020-02-03 09:27:31,domesticviolence,"I just wanted to know if anyone had stories about how they found recovering or found ways of coping with the aftermath of domestic abuse and PTSD? I have been going to therapy after being diagnosed in November after years of struggling with day to day life and being in and out of jobs and breakdown of friendships and relationships. I just wanted to know what peoples experiences were. I left my ex 3years ago and was in the relationship for 4 years so it was a big part of my life for the past 7years. One of the things I have found hard is that as a man (aged 25) that I have to deal with everything with almost stigma at every turn in some way shape or form. So it would be nice to read some information about someones recovery, how people moved on or even stories about someones PTSD after a domestically abusive relationship.",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,therapy,,,,True,202 eipxld,"Honestly, I don’t know.",1a,help-seeking,2,"I feel like I need to write my experiences down while they’re still fresh in my brain. For some background; I have depression and PTSD. In the past 10 months, I have been experiencing many physical symptoms (headaches, nausea, sensitivity to light and sound in situations that spark anxiety) as well as behavioral changes. I have found that I’ve become sort of a “neat-freak”, but it isn’t really a germ thing and more of a not wanting clutter and mess thing. My family tends to not clean up after themselves (i.e, not picking up their trash/plates, not washing off dishes and leaving me to do them 24/7, leaving trash and food in the sink, refusing to take out the garbage, etc.) and this really stresses me out. I often get into cleaning fits, which can cause the physical symptoms listed above as well as general irritability. After these fits I tend to have feelings of self-hatred, as my family often gets irritated at my complaining of them not cleaning up and that, of course, sparks anxiety. I feel horrible, but it’s like I can’t stop myself from feeling and acting this way. I’m not sure what this is and it scares me. I feel like they hate me. Is what I’m feeling even somewhat normal? What do y’all think?",Munous,1,0,0,2020-01-01 23:53:26,Anxiety,"I feel like I need to write my experiences down while they’re still fresh in my brain. For some background; I have depression and PTSD. In the past 10 months, I have been experiencing many physical symptoms (headaches, nausea, sensitivity to light and sound in situations that spark anxiety) as well as behavioral changes. I have found that I’ve become sort of a “neat-freak”, but it isn’t really a germ thing and more of a not wanting clutter and mess thing. My family tends to not clean up after themselves (i.e, not picking up their trash/plates, not washing off dishes and leaving me to do them 24/7, leaving trash and food in the sink, refusing to take out the garbage, etc.) and this really stresses me out. I often get into cleaning fits, which can cause the physical symptoms listed above as well as general irritability. After these fits I tend to have feelings of self-hatred, as my family often gets irritated at my complaining of them not cleaning up and that, of course, sparks anxiety. I feel horrible, but it’s like I can’t stop myself from feeling and acting this way. I’m not sure what this is and it scares me. I feel like they hate me. Is what I’m feeling even somewhat normal? What do y’all think?",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eig2j6,Pls Help,1a,help-seeking,1,"I need help in identifying what could be wrong with me and any kind of resources for fixing the problem I have. I am sexually aroused by many sick things. These things have never been committed by myself. But when watching documentaries or seeing content online of others committing unspeakable things I am aroused by these things. I don’t want to be and I am so ashamed of this, I want help but I cannot bring myself to talk about it with a therapist. I have some kind of psychosexual problem that has bothered me for most of my life. I’m a good person but somehow deep inside, I am sexually attracted to bad people and the bad things they do. This haunts me constantly and has been like a demon stuck to my back for a really long time. It makes me want to rip my hair out and it’s so frustrating but I can’t get rid of it. Anybody out there, please help me I’m so desperate.",seekingmentalhelp255,1,0,2,2020-01-01 08:20:48,mentalillness,"I need help in identifying what could be wrong with me and any kind of resources for fixing the problem I have. I am sexually aroused by many sick things. These things have never been committed by myself. But when watching documentaries or seeing content online of others committing unspeakable things I am aroused by these things. I don’t want to be and I am so ashamed of this, I want help but I cannot bring myself to talk about it with a therapist. I have some kind of psychosexual problem that has bothered me for most of my life. I’m a good person but somehow deep inside, I am sexually attracted to bad people and the bad things they do. This haunts me constantly and has been like a demon stuck to my back for a really long time. It makes me want to rip my hair out and it’s so frustrating but I can’t get rid of it. Anybody out there, please help me I’m so desperate.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 ejqcl5,Potential case of child abuse found.,1b,help-seeking,1,"Met a girl age 11, she contacted me on discord and wanted to draw my pfp. Was talking a little bit and she revealed she has physically and sexually abusive parents. She is also home schooled and doesnt know what state she lives in. Who should I contact? I can't confirm if it is a serious case, but so far I have heard about beatings with a belt, hair pulling, forcing the kid to clean her dad's feet and other creepy shit. &#x200B; Edit: she is in USA mountain time Edit 2: tenessee, not mountain time. She was never taught what daylight savings is",Helix6126,4,0,10,2020-01-04 02:43:03,domesticviolence,"Met a girl age 11, she contacted me on discord and wanted to draw my pfp. Was talking a little bit and she revealed she has physically and sexually abusive parents. She is also home schooled and doesnt know what state she lives in. Who should I contact? I can't confirm if it is a serious case, but so far I have heard about beatings with a belt, hair pulling, forcing the kid to clean her dad's feet and other creepy shit. &#x200B; Edit: she is in USA mountain time Edit 2: tenessee, not mountain time. She was never taught what daylight savings is",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,the girl being abused by her parents,,,,True,202 ejkc7z,story time ig,1a,rant,1,"some background: my sister used to cut and as much as she tried to hide it, we all saw it and when I was in fifth grade I had considered doing it and in sixth grade I did. I eventually stopped and started again in seventh. Same thing for eight and now I’m in ninth. I relapsed and told my mom and everything went okay but I’m not sure what happened now so I started doing it on my thighs and wearing pants so no one could see it. I don’t want people to worry about me anymore because it hurts them and I’d rather suffer in silence than hurt anyone else",baddie8P,8,0,8,2020-01-03 19:29:13,selfharm,"some background: my sister used to cut and as much as she tried to hide it, we all saw it and when I was in fifth grade I had considered doing it and in sixth grade I did. I eventually stopped and started again in seventh. Same thing for eight and now I’m in ninth. I relapsed and told my mom and everything went okay but I’m not sure what happened now so I started doing it on my thighs and wearing pants so no one could see it. I don’t want people to worry about me anymore because it hurts them and I’d rather suffer in silence than hurt anyone else",1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why did you and your sister cut,How did X make you feel?,the relapse,What do you need help with now that X?,you relapsed again,,True,100 ej4o3r,A super cheesy song about self image and esteem. I think it's worth a listen.,0,chitchat,1,,i-comment-cat,1,0,0,2020-01-02 21:32:32,mentalillness,A super cheesy song about self image and esteem. I think it's worth a listen. nan,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,"title,thought",True,000 eiwef1,badddd anxiety at night,0,help-seeking,1,"hello everyone, just looking for some tips on how to handle anxiety at night, or just someone to tell me some information on why this happens? it isn't triggered by anything, like i won't think 'i have to do this' then start freaking out, its more like i CAN'T think about what i need to do, because it just comes out of nowhere and then i can't think at all, its just the overwhelming physical symptoms of anxiety that take over. recently, it has been happening everynight. i stopped taking zoloft two weeks ago, if that helps (after being on 50mg for 2 months, then down to 25mg for a week, then 0mg). is there anything i can do to combat it? i find distracting myself on my phone helps...then i turn off my phone to sleep and it starts again 😅 i have been using seroquel to help knock me out at night, but i dont want to depend on it",emmmma89,1,0,10,2020-01-02 10:01:39,Anxiety,"hello everyone, just looking for some tips on how to handle anxiety at night, or just someone to tell me some information on why this happens? it isn't triggered by anything, like i won't think 'i have to do this' then start freaking out, its more like i CAN'T think about what i need to do, because it just comes out of nowhere and then i can't think at all, its just the overwhelming physical symptoms of anxiety that take over. recently, it has been happening everynight. i stopped taking zoloft two weeks ago, if that helps (after being on 50mg for 2 months, then down to 25mg for a week, then 0mg). is there anything i can do to combat it? i find distracting myself on my phone helps...then i turn off my phone to sleep and it starts again i have been using seroquel to help knock me out at night, but i dont want to depend on it",2,1,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,the overwhelming physical symptoms of your anxiety,,,,True,212 eiq9y0,It’s getting hard to stay strong,1a,rant,1,"Hi, I think it’s my first time posting here but I’ve been struggling with self harm since I was 10. I have so many scars in my body, ranging from deep to just a lot of shallow ones that scarred because I picked at them. I’m going to graduate highschool this year and it’s getting difficult to stay strong now, I’ve been clean for more than a month, maybe two months, maybe three? I don’t know but it’s been a while and I feel the urge all the time but I stop myself because of whatever. Think is, I want to stop fighting it. I don’t mind anymore, being clean wasn’t a goal of mine anyways and I just want release. I just need to hurt because I deserve it. I genuinely deserve it, my self hatred is very severe; I know I’m not the only one like this but I’ve never met someone like me, let alone someone who understands truly. It’s just getting really hard.",rarekaji,1,0,0,2020-01-02 00:21:26,selfharm,"Hi, I think it’s my first time posting here but I’ve been struggling with self harm since I was 10. I have so many scars in my body, ranging from deep to just a lot of shallow ones that scarred because I picked at them. I’m going to graduate highschool this year and it’s getting difficult to stay strong now, I’ve been clean for more than a month, maybe two months, maybe three? I don’t know but it’s been a while and I feel the urge all the time but I stop myself because of whatever. Think is, I want to stop fighting it. I don’t mind anymore, being clean wasn’t a goal of mine anyways and I just want release. I just need to hurt because I deserve it. I genuinely deserve it, my self hatred is very severe; I know I’m not the only one like this but I’ve never met someone like me, let alone someone who understands truly. It’s just getting really hard.",1,1,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you did self harm since you were 10,Can you elaborate more on X ?,cutting yourself,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unable to control the urges to self harm,,True,110 el4fql,Fresh out the hospital after 37 days! Spent my birthday and all the holidays there here's my rant,0,help-seeking,3,"I just wanted to share my story so here goes. Oh btw, I was on a ton of dilaudid the whole time which is why I'm posting this here. I was tapered off extremely fast which caused withdrawals and I've been craving something to fill this new hole of an existence. How is it so easy to break a clean streak? It takes so much courage and strength to say no yet is so easy and tempting to say yes. To top it off it takes 1 second to break what you've been building for weeks/months/years. Addiction is a scary thing. I started using substances at about 20, I am 24 now and there isn't much I haven't dabbled with. Opiates have always been my favorite because of the warm glow I would get and a feeling of pure bliss. I was popping M30's multiple times a day and when those started to get costly I tried heroin for the first time, I instantly fell in love. At the beginning I was chasing the dragon but quickly started using the needle. Nothing compares to the rush a fat shot would provide. I got clean for a couple months but owed my guy a substantial amount of money and when I went to pay him I fell into old habits. I went home with the gram and some pressed bars feeling guilty but excited at the same time. I smoked a bit and took one bar. Next thing I see is the floor in front of my face. I try to get up but can't pull my legs beneath me because it feels like they are asleep...this time more so than I've ever felt. I started to get worried and called for help but couldn't move and my phone was dead. I was stuck on the ground for 8 hours before getting help when a family member found me and called 911. I was admitted to the ICU and placed on intubation after being diagnosed with rhabdomyolysis and kidney failure. When I woke up the first thing I saw was my legs which were swollen 3 times there normal size. They placed a catheter in my neck and started me on dialysis 5 hours a day, removing 5 liters of fluid a day for a week straight. I was told I'd have to learn how to walk again if I could make it out of a wheel chair and would have permanent nerve damage. After removing some fluid and swelling I was moved to post care to be monitored then evaluated before being considered for discharge. One night I awoke to a pool of blood the size of a basketball on my pillow. My catheter had been pulled/moved too much while I slept that it came out and was leaking which required a doctor to come at 2am and stitch my neck up. I developed pneumonia at this time which started causing lung complications. After several x-rays I was diagnosed with acute hypoxemic respiratory failure or ""wet lung"". I was coughing up cups full of blood tinged fluid. Something I'll never forget is the look on the group of doctors, one specifically nervously looking toward me as she said I was headed back to ICU. I was placed under anesthesia and intubated once again when I got to the ICU. When I woke up I had even more wires connected to me but couldn't talk for an hour in risk of damaging vocal cords. At this time I found out three days had passed and felt something hard to explain. It made me realize how small we are, To have three days pass and not be a part or even really there for them. I tried to laugh it off and on my pen and pad wrote ""Is trump still president?"" which lightened up the room. The hour went by and my doctor came in to explain how I was doing. He did an ultrasound on my heart which now had wires inside of the different chambers. I found out that this device was placed due to me suffering multiple organ failure. My heart, lungs, liver and kidneys had all failed and caused me to flatline for three minutes before being resuscitated by CPR. I got to see my heart beat through the ultrasound though and even saw an aortic valve flap. I saw one more thing that got me thinking. I have an awful memory but distinctly remember what felt like waking up during the second time I was placed under. I saw a single doctor on my left side and several tubes going down my throat. I asked if it was a feeding tube to which he nodded yes, next I asked what was in it. His reply ""McDonalds"" followed by the feeling of cold fluid going down a line in my throat made me cringe. Come to find out this could've been the time at which I flatlined. I think the real question in all of this; DID I EXPERIENCE HELL???",zacman78,1,0,14,2020-01-07 02:04:17,OpiatesRecovery,"I just wanted to share my story so here goes. Oh btw, I was on a ton of dilaudid the whole time which is why I'm posting this here. I was tapered off extremely fast which caused withdrawals and I've been craving something to fill this new hole of an existence. How is it so easy to break a clean streak? It takes so much courage and strength to say no yet is so easy and tempting to say yes. To top it off it takes 1 second to break what you've been building for weeks/months/years. Addiction is a scary thing. I started using substances at about 20, I am 24 now and there isn't much I haven't dabbled with. Opiates have always been my favorite because of the warm glow I would get and a feeling of pure bliss. I was popping M30's multiple times a day and when those started to get costly I tried heroin for the first time, I instantly fell in love. At the beginning I was chasing the dragon but quickly started using the needle. Nothing compares to the rush a fat shot would provide. I got clean for a couple months but owed my guy a substantial amount of money and when I went to pay him I fell into old habits. I went home with the gram and some pressed bars feeling guilty but excited at the same time. I smoked a bit and took one bar. Next thing I see is the floor in front of my face. I try to get up but can't pull my legs beneath me because it feels like they are asleep...this time more so than I've ever felt. I started to get worried and called for help but couldn't move and my phone was dead. I was stuck on the ground for 8 hours before getting help when a family member found me and called 911. I was admitted to the ICU and placed on intubation after being diagnosed with rhabdomyolysis and kidney failure. When I woke up the first thing I saw was my legs which were swollen 3 times there normal size. They placed a catheter in my neck and started me on dialysis 5 hours a day, removing 5 liters of fluid a day for a week straight. I was told I'd have to learn how to walk again if I could make it out of a wheel chair and would have permanent nerve damage. After removing some fluid and swelling I was moved to post care to be monitored then evaluated before being considered for discharge. One night I awoke to a pool of blood the size of a basketball on my pillow. My catheter had been pulled/moved too much while I slept that it came out and was leaking which required a doctor to come at 2am and stitch my neck up. I developed pneumonia at this time which started causing lung complications. After several x-rays I was diagnosed with acute hypoxemic respiratory failure or ""wet lung"". I was coughing up cups full of blood tinged fluid. Something I'll never forget is the look on the group of doctors, one specifically nervously looking toward me as she said I was headed back to ICU. I was placed under anesthesia and intubated once again when I got to the ICU. When I woke up I had even more wires connected to me but couldn't talk for an hour in risk of damaging vocal cords. At this time I found out three days had passed and felt something hard to explain. It made me realize how small we are, To have three days pass and not be a part or even really there for them. I tried to laugh it off and on my pen and pad wrote ""Is trump still president?"" which lightened up the room. The hour went by and my doctor came in to explain how I was doing. He did an ultrasound on my heart which now had wires inside of the different chambers. I found out that this device was placed due to me suffering multiple organ failure. My heart, lungs, liver and kidneys had all failed and caused me to flatline for three minutes before being resuscitated by CPR. I got to see my heart beat through the ultrasound though and even saw an aortic valve flap. I saw one more thing that got me thinking. I have an awful memory but distinctly remember what felt like waking up during the second time I was placed under. I saw a single doctor on my left side and several tubes going down my throat. I asked if it was a feeding tube to which he nodded yes, next I asked what was in it. His reply ""McDonalds"" followed by the feeling of cold fluid going down a line in my throat made me cringe. Come to find out this could've been the time at which I flatlined. I think the real question in all of this; DID I EXPERIENCE HELL???",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you deal with the trauma,,True,221 ekqrye,"Anyone can relate to this, mostly who are empty inside",0,survey,1,,WildDJ23,1,0,0,2020-01-06 07:37:24,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 em1avg,Loneliness is in my blood,1b,rant,2,"My dad called me the other day. I don’t call my dad a lot as we have a pretty strained relationship at the best of times and he always uses our phone calls as a chance to wax on about whatever he has going on without caring about what I have to say. Also he’s a racist homophobic antisemitic nut job and probably has some undiagnosed depression of his own. Anyway,y grandmother died recently and my dad has obviously been affected by this. My grandfather died several years ago of a heart attack in a bathtub in an apartment he lived in by himself. My dad was extremely broken up following this and I witnessed him have a break down in front of a group of people who were talking about the idea of god not existing. He just couldn’t take this idea and I understand why. My dad told me he was alone on New Year’s Eve and hadn’t gone anywhere. I kind of didn’t know what to say, since I had been in the same situation, but knowing my dad is in his fifties and his options for things to turn around in his life are rapidly dwindling makes me... perhaps a little pessimistic about my own future. He was born in Ukraine in the 80s and doesn’t fit in with the milieu of New York City at all. He’s not even entirely responsible for all of the weird unappealing beliefs and neuroses he has because he was raised in a completely different environment (I mean being Eastern European, not communist). I’m kind of torn between looking at my dad as this sensitive intelligent person who has just lived a very lonely life and the completely fucked up delusional asshole who tries to convince himself I’m maladjusted because he wasn’t there for me as much when I was younger when the truth is he is 100% the source of all of my own depression and self-loathing and confusion. And while I’m just sitting here not doing anything to improve my situation and fucking myself over more and more, I’m just reminded that I don’t have a center with all these positive developmental memories or friendships that I can build a base around. All I have is my room, a body I hate, and a whole history of fucking things over. But at least I’m young and don’t have to be like this forever. Anyway, this doesn’t really have a point. I just kind of wanted to scream into the void a little bit",surfeit_refuse,1,0,0,2020-01-09 00:00:15,getting_over_it,"My dad called me the other day. I don’t call my dad a lot as we have a pretty strained relationship at the best of times and he always uses our phone calls as a chance to wax on about whatever he has going on without caring about what I have to say. Also he’s a racist homophobic antisemitic nut job and probably has some undiagnosed depression of his own. Anyway,y grandmother died recently and my dad has obviously been affected by this. My grandfather died several years ago of a heart attack in a bathtub in an apartment he lived in by himself. My dad was extremely broken up following this and I witnessed him have a break down in front of a group of people who were talking about the idea of god not existing. He just couldn’t take this idea and I understand why. My dad told me he was alone on New Year’s Eve and hadn’t gone anywhere. I kind of didn’t know what to say, since I had been in the same situation, but knowing my dad is in his fifties and his options for things to turn around in his life are rapidly dwindling makes me... perhaps a little pessimistic about my own future. He was born in Ukraine in the 80s and doesn’t fit in with the milieu of New York City at all. He’s not even entirely responsible for all of the weird unappealing beliefs and neuroses he has because he was raised in a completely different environment (I mean being Eastern European, not communist). I’m kind of torn between looking at my dad as this sensitive intelligent person who has just lived a very lonely life and the completely fucked up delusional asshole who tries to convince himself I’m maladjusted because he wasn’t there for me as much when I was younger when the truth is he is 100% the source of all of my own depression and self-loathing and confusion. And while I’m just sitting here not doing anything to improve my situation and fucking myself over more and more, I’m just reminded that I don’t have a center with all these positive developmental memories or friendships that I can build a base around. All I have is my room, a body I hate, and a whole history of fucking things over. But at least I’m young and don’t have to be like this forever. Anyway, this doesn’t really have a point. I just kind of wanted to scream into the void a little bit",2,0,0,,,How did X make you feel?,the call with your dad,What do you need help with now that X?,you have a strained relationship with your dad,,True,200 ejnvas,Drinking again,1a,rant,1,"It’s been a good few years since everything happened, I’m honestly still not sure if I can call it rape, but this New Years Eve I finally got the courage to let myself go, and let myself have fun and drink I was safe and my friends looked after me, but being told about things I had no idea I’d done, it brings it all back up, I don’t know what to do",BathBean,2,0,3,2020-01-03 23:37:49,rapecounseling,"It’s been a good few years since everything happened, I’m honestly still not sure if I can call it rape, but this New Years Eve I finally got the courage to let myself go, and let myself have fun and drink I was safe and my friends looked after me, but being told about things I had no idea I’d done, it brings it all back up, I don’t know what to do",2,0,0,,,How did X make you feel?,being told about things you did,What do you need help with now that X?,being told about the things you did triggered you,,True,200 ep66zs,Societal Role is driving me up a wall,1b,rant,2," I'm in my apartment trying not to flip out. Talking to my mom or grandmother is like a rapid spinning cycle of reminders and deadlines. No, I'm not married yet. No, I didn't have kids. Yes, I did waste 7 years of my life with a person who didn't love me well enough to stay with him. Yes, I know that you never liked him. Yes, I know that I took the long way. Yes, I see my cousin And my other cousin. No, I'm not using again Jesus Christ I'm just ~~not coping very well~~ tired. And I haven't been to therapy in a year and the person who broke my heart has been on mind for way too long.",f_cked,1,0,5,2020-01-15 18:31:30,Anger," I'm in my apartment trying not to flip out. Talking to my mom or grandmother is like a rapid spinning cycle of reminders and deadlines. No, I'm not married yet. No, I didn't have kids. Yes, I did waste 7 years of my life with a person who didn't love me well enough to stay with him. Yes, I know that you never liked him. Yes, I know that I took the long way. Yes, I see my cousin And my other cousin. No, I'm not using again Jesus Christ I'm just ~~not coping very well~~ tired. And I haven't been to therapy in a year and the person who broke my heart has been on mind for way too long.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 f21utk,At what point in your life can you say to yourself “my depression will never go away.”?,1a,help-seeking,1,"I feel like I haven’t been truly happy since I was 12 or 13. Anything after that age I haven’t experienced true happiness. I remember feeling alive and experiencing things that would feel great or enjoyable when they weren’t that exciting. I’m 18 now, will be 19 soon and I’ve been diagnosed with major depressive disorder since I was 16 and the diagnosis was accurate. I’m still the same. There are times where I feel “okay” or neutral but I don’t feel sad or happy, I just feel empty, like having high-functioning depression. Sure, it’s better than being depressed but I would like to feel something. I’ve seen posts on subs related to mental health where people still have depression in their 40s,50s,60s,etc. since they were a child. I also have read posts about people taking their anti-depressant medication for over 10+ years but still having depression but not as bad. I’m just wondering if you can officially say to yourself, “my depression will never go away.”? If you’ve had depression for decades, what can there possibly be that you haven’t tried? Sure, some people may not have put in the effort but for 40, 50 years? The human mind should be able to find a way to correct the depression but it seems not so.",-BoB-,1,0,23,2020-02-11 02:51:10,getting_over_it,"I feel like I haven’t been truly happy since I was 12 or 13. Anything after that age I haven’t experienced true happiness. I remember feeling alive and experiencing things that would feel great or enjoyable when they weren’t that exciting. I’m 18 now, will be 19 soon and I’ve been diagnosed with major depressive disorder since I was 16 and the diagnosis was accurate. I’m still the same. There are times where I feel “okay” or neutral but I don’t feel sad or happy, I just feel empty, like having high-functioning depression. Sure, it’s better than being depressed but I would like to feel something. I’ve seen posts on subs related to mental health where people still have depression in their 40s,50s,60s,etc. since they were a child. I also have read posts about people taking their anti-depressant medication for over 10+ years but still having depression but not as bad. I’m just wondering if you can officially say to yourself, “my depression will never go away.”? If you’ve had depression for decades, what can there possibly be that you haven’t tried? Sure, some people may not have put in the effort but for 40, 50 years? The human mind should be able to find a way to correct the depression but it seems not so.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eirrql,When the anxiety hits me like a freight train...,0,rant,1,"I was totally fine and I opened my Facebook and saw a post that totally triggered me. My heart feels like someone is squishing it between their hands and it’s difficult to breathe. I hate how I flip so quickly. I tried talking to my roommate, but he has the complete opposite problem where he doesn’t really feel any emotions, so he doesn’t understand why I get so worked up at the drop of a hat. I have to work tomorrow so if I don’t get this under control I won’t be able to sleep and I’ll perform poorly.",AlohomoraCorazon,1,0,2,2020-01-02 02:21:02,BPD,"I was totally fine and I opened my Facebook and saw a post that totally triggered me. My heart feels like someone is squishing it between their hands and it’s difficult to breathe. I hate how I flip so quickly. I tried talking to my roommate, but he has the complete opposite problem where he doesn’t really feel any emotions, so he doesn’t understand why I get so worked up at the drop of a hat. I have to work tomorrow so if I don’t get this under control I won’t be able to sleep and I’ll perform poorly.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you got triggered by a facebook post,,True,220 einaop,New year and already depressed.,1a,help-seeking,1,"Today I feel absolutely terrible. This year I'm going to be 25 and I've never had a job, which makes me feel useless. I'm a college student with no money. I can't stop thinking that this year I need to start gaining money, I need to be independent. I need to find a job and I'm terrified about it. The mere thought of it makes me cry non stop. My social anxiety controls all aspects of my life and I haven't learn how to handle it. Any advice?",NihilstintheSky,1,0,7,2020-01-01 20:29:48,socialanxiety,"Today I feel absolutely terrible. This year I'm going to be 25 and I've never had a job. which makes me feel useless. I'm a college student with no money. I can't stop thinking that this year I need to start gaining money, I need to be independent. I need to find a job and I'm terrified about it. The mere thought of it makes me cry non stop. My social anxiety controls all aspects of my life and I haven't learn how to handle it. Any advice?",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,anxiety makes you afraid of finding job,,True,220 em8gb2,How to make friends with social anxiety?,1a,help-seeking,2,"I’ve moved a bunch and have been living in my current state for the past 3 years. In that time I haven’t made any friends here. Better yet, I never made any friends in any of the states I lived in unless they were co-workers, who mostly became acquaintances. I have anxiety issues, especially social anxiety. I’m also married and have been with my partner for over 13 years so I’m not used to going anywhere alone anymore. I’m an awkward person too. I get nervous around big crowds. I kinda have a lot of things against me lol. I’m not real sure how to go about meeting new people my age or not even my age, those with my interests... just good people. Someone I can have good conversations with and laugh with. I guess that’s something we’re all looking for, right? I’ve tried signing up with MeetUp and have gone to one of their meets so far and have made one contact, but it’s more of a business contact than a friendly one. I get the feeling that she eventually wants to try to sell me insurance. I was also contacted by some kind of sexual predator on there too who now has my number. So that’s great and all... 😑 but what are you gonna do 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m not the type to go to bars to meet people. That’s just not my thing. I try to be social and start conversations when the opportunity arises. I’m more of a subtle kind of person. I don’t like to intrude on conversations either. Please, any suggestions would really be appreciated on how to make friends more easily. I’m about to turn 32 and I know it only gets harder the older you get. Please and thank you 🙏🏻",karizzmarie,1,0,3,2020-01-09 11:36:19,selfhelp,"I’ve moved a bunch and have been living in my current state for the past 3 years. In that time I haven’t made any friends here. Better yet, I never made any friends in any of the states I lived in unless they were co-workers, who mostly became acquaintances. I have anxiety issues, especially social anxiety. I’m also married and have been with my partner for over 13 years so I’m not used to going anywhere alone anymore. I’m an awkward person too. I get nervous around big crowds. I kinda have a lot of things against me lol. I’m not real sure how to go about meeting new people my age or not even my age, those with my interests... just good people. Someone I can have good conversations with and laugh with. I guess that’s something we’re all looking for, right? I’ve tried signing up with MeetUp and have gone to one of their meets so far and have made one contact, but it’s more of a business contact than a friendly one. I get the feeling that she eventually wants to try to sell me insurance. I was also contacted by some kind of sexual predator on there too who now has my number. So that’s great and all... but what are you gonna do I’m not the type to go to bars to meet people. That’s just not my thing. I try to be social and start conversations when the opportunity arises. I’m more of a subtle kind of person. I don’t like to intrude on conversations either. Please, any suggestions would really be appreciated on how to make friends more easily. I’m about to turn 32 and I know it only gets harder the older you get. Please and thank you ",2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,being unable to make friends in the new state,,,,True,202 eiefa9,Does anyone else think it's unfair when people say they'll leave you if you self-harm again?,1b,survey,1,I really feel like it makes everything worse. Especially since they don't know what you're going through or what that type of addiction feels like.,hq_jj_90,1,0,11,2020-01-01 05:16:14,selfharm,Does anyone else think it's unfair when people say they'll leave you if you self-harm again? I really feel like it makes everything worse. Especially since they don't know what you're going through or what that type of addiction feels like.,1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you self harm,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel unfair if people leave knowing about your self harm,,True,120 ej3gk5,Is it possible I have a criminal record?,0,help-seeking,1,I've had bipolar since I was 14 and been hospitalized from that age to 21 around 6 different times. I'm now 31 and havent havent been hospitalized not even once since 21. I've had my dad call the cops on me for arguing but they just let me go and I took a break for a few days. Does any of this add up to a criminal record? I'm applying for jobs again soon and dont want to lie.,jakobwer,1,0,8,2020-01-02 20:09:23,mentalillness,I've had bipolar since I was 14 and been hospitalized from that age to 21 around 6 different times. I'm now 31 and havent havent been hospitalized not even once since 21. I've had my dad call the cops on me for arguing but they just let me go and I took a break for a few days. Does any of this add up to a criminal record? I'm applying for jobs again soon and dont want to lie.,2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random question,True,202 eio6pk,3 days sober and already challenged,1b,rant,1,"I should be staying away from conflict but for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to float the idea of a visectomy to my wife. I wasn't ready for the first kid and I have barely been holding on to this life style of being the provider cleaner father and it's made me miserable. I love my child but I desperately want to get back to the things that me happy. Things that don't include working constantly cooking/cleaning for everyone and throwing money to my wife for every little thing she feels like doing. Her reaction was to immediately cry and guilt trip me and I gotta say I was seriously tempted to just throw in the towel and drink tonight after everyone goes to bed. I'm not going to. I can't explain exactly why just for tonight I'm not drinking no matter how miserable it gets..",IDefNeedHelpz,1,0,11,2020-01-01 21:36:22,alcoholicsanonymous,I should be staying away from conflict but for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to float the idea of a visectomy to my wife. I wasn't ready for the first kid and I have barely been holding on to this life style of being the provider cleaner father and it's made me miserable. I love my child but I desperately want to get back to the things that me happy. Things that don't include working constantly cooking/cleaning for everyone and throwing money to my wife for every little thing she feels like doing. Her reaction was to immediately cry and guilt trip me and I gotta say I was seriously tempted to just throw in the towel and drink tonight after everyone goes to bed. I'm not going to. I can't explain exactly why just for tonight I'm not drinking no matter how miserable it gets..,2,1,1,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how having the first child make you feel,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what will help you be sober,,True,211 eiikbq,Joyner Lucas - ADHD,0,chitchat,1,"got this [Joyner Lucas - ADHD] (https://youtu.be/vpNUzNBw6FI) sent by a good friend. a song about ADHD. I find it so nice to have ADHD get some more attention in the media. :) https://youtu.be/vpNUzNBw6FI",damondan,1,0,1,2020-01-01 13:56:09,ADHD,got this [Joyner Lucas - ADHD] (https://youtu.be/vpNUzNBw6FI) sent by a good friend. a song about ADHD. I find it so nice to have ADHD get some more attention in the media. :) https://youtu.be/vpNUzNBw6FI,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ekzn34,Found out my best friend is using meth,1b,help-seeking,1,"I'm seeking advice. Recently found out my best childhood friend is injecting meth. Scared shitless for her. We don't live in the same town anymore and found out through another friend of their family (he is a recovering heroin addict himself). She has two kids, the youngest is four and is in her care. Everytime I go home I try to see her. The last few times I saw her she has incredibly skinny and was hanging out with other known users. Since I found out I havent been able to see her. I dont know how or even if I should confront her via text I'm extremely concerned and looking for advice.",plantspantsplant,1,0,5,2020-01-06 20:19:12,addiction,"I'm seeking advice. Recently found out my best childhood friend is injecting meth. Scared shitless for her. We don't live in the same town anymore and found out through another friend of their family (he is a recovering heroin addict himself). She has two kids, the youngest is four and is in her care. Everytime I go home I try to see her. The last few times I saw her she has incredibly skinny and was hanging out with other known users. Since I found out I havent been able to see her. I dont know how or even if I should confront her via text I'm extremely concerned and looking for advice.",1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why your friend started taking meth,,,,,,True,122 ei9v27,"New year, New me im leaving this sub no more complaining online, i advice yall do the same u dont like a thing change it. Bye to all of you sorry fuckers, bye to my old pathetic self begone.!",0,chitchat,1,,Cataclyps,1,0,0,2019-12-31 22:28:27,depression,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,"thought,title",True,000 ers3yb,"hold me accountable, reddit: im starting my recovery",1a,rant,2,"not even 2 months after i started college, i was stupid enough to go to the counseling services at my school and say i wanted to kill myself. i was coerced into going to a psychiatric hospital. it was probably the worst experience of my life. i still dont know how to talk about it, not even to my boyfriend. it was a mixture of things that lead me to the point of idealizing suicide; adjusting to school, being away from my friends/family/boyfriend, feeling outcasted by my peers, surmounting loneliness, general stress, and lots of financial burdens. i felt like i was falling apart, i felt like i had no hope. i still remember the night before i went to the hospital, and the pain i felt, the despair - i never want to go back to that. i realize now what the source of all of that was. i cared far too much about how other people perceive me. i was basing all of my self worth simply on how people reacted to me. i had no confidence in myself, in my abilities, my personality, my charm. everything i did was motivated by other people: be it me wanting to impress them, me being afraid of them, or me wanting to admiration. i didn't do anything for myself. i'm scared, but i have to unlearn all of this now. how i dictated my actions for 18 years has to be adjusted. i can't carry on as i have, devoid of self love. for years, i found it hard to cry. the only thing that made me instantly tear up and my emotions swell was kindness when i felt low. the little acts of kindness that would come my way. a friend telling me out of the blue they loved me. a thoughtful gift. a hug that lasted longer than usual. what always got me was ""are you okay?"" i felt undeserving. but i see now that these things were never done out of pity or obligation. it came from genuine concern, worry, a place of love - despite how shallow that may be for different people. in the same way that i would reach out, my friends would too. my family would too. strangers would too. and i deserved it. i deserve my wonderful group of friends. i deserve my flawed but loving family. i deserve the compliments i get on my hair, my outfits, my work. i deserve my wonderful cats. i deserved the short but essential time i had with my dad before he passed away. i deserve to go to my college - i worked hard and overcame nearly impossible obstacles to get here. i deserve my boyfriend. i deserve the love i receive. i deserve the good times that come my way. and i will get through the hard times no matter what. i am enough. i have been enough. and i will always be enough. there is beauty in me, even though it took me a while to find it, and it isn't going anywhere. and honestly, i'm kind of amazing for just being alive. i'm gonna get better. thank you for reading.",ramthrowaway430,1,0,5,2020-01-21 09:07:08,selfhelp,"not even 2 months after i started college, i was stupid enough to go to the counseling services at my school and say i wanted to kill myself. i was coerced into going to a psychiatric hospital. it was probably the worst experience of my life. i still dont know how to talk about it, not even to my boyfriend. it was a mixture of things that lead me to the point of idealizing suicide; adjusting to school, being away from my friends/family/boyfriend, feeling outcasted by my peers, surmounting loneliness, general stress, and lots of financial burdens. i felt like i was falling apart, i felt like i had no hope. i still remember the night before i went to the hospital, and the pain i felt, the despair - i never want to go back to that. i realize now what the source of all of that was. i cared far too much about how other people perceive me. i was basing all of my self worth simply on how people reacted to me. i had no confidence in myself, in my abilities, my personality, my charm. everything i did was motivated by other people: be it me wanting to impress them, me being afraid of them, or me wanting to admiration. i didn't do anything for myself. i'm scared, but i have to unlearn all of this now. how i dictated my actions for 18 years has to be adjusted. i can't carry on as i have, devoid of self love. for years, i found it hard to cry. the only thing that made me instantly tear up and my emotions swell was kindness when i felt low. the little acts of kindness that would come my way. a friend telling me out of the blue they loved me. a thoughtful gift. a hug that lasted longer than usual. what always got me was ""are you okay?"" i felt undeserving. but i see now that these things were never done out of pity or obligation. it came from genuine concern, worry, a place of love - despite how shallow that may be for different people. in the same way that i would reach out, my friends would too. my family would too. strangers would too. and i deserved it. i deserve my wonderful group of friends. i deserve my flawed but loving family. i deserve the compliments i get on my hair, my outfits, my work. i deserve my wonderful cats. i deserved the short but essential time i had with my dad before he passed away. i deserve to go to my college - i worked hard and overcame nearly impossible obstacles to get here. i deserve my boyfriend. i deserve the love i receive. i deserve the good times that come my way. and i will get through the hard times no matter what. i am enough. i have been enough. and i will always be enough. there is beauty in me, even though it took me a while to find it, and it isn't going anywhere. and honestly, i'm kind of amazing for just being alive. i'm gonna get better. thank you for reading.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 emu5hl,Free Online Writing Treatment for Sexual Distress!,0,chitchat,1,"The Sexual Psychophysiology Lab at the University of Texas at Austin is recruiting women from across the U.S. and Canada who have had unwanted, nonconsensual, or abusive sexual experiences in their childhood or adolescence to participate in a study assessing a novel treatment aimed at reducing sexual distress. Study participation is done entirely online (*aside from a brief phone screen for eligibility*) and involves completing questionnaires three times and engaging in expressive writing sessions five times over the course of three weeks. Participants are compensated $40 as a thank you for their time. **If you are interested in the study, please email the Sexual Psychophysiology Lab for more information about the SEADS Study at** [**mestonlab@utexas.edu**](mailto:mestonlab@utexas.edu)**.** All participant contact information is completely confidential and will never be linked to any identifying information.",mestonlab,1,0,0,2020-01-10 17:27:43,rapecounseling,"The Sexual Psychophysiology Lab at the University of Texas at Austin is recruiting women from across the U.S. and Canada who have had unwanted, nonconsensual, or abusive sexual experiences in their childhood or adolescence to participate in a study assessing a novel treatment aimed at reducing sexual distress. Study participation is done entirely online (*aside from a brief phone screen for eligibility*) and involves completing questionnaires three times and engaging in expressive writing sessions five times over the course of three weeks. Participants are compensated $40 as a thank you for their time. **If you are interested in the study, please email the Sexual Psychophysiology Lab for more information about the SEADS Study at** [**mestonlab@utexas.edu**](mailto:mestonlab@utexas.edu)**.** All participant contact information is completely confidential and will never be linked to any identifying information.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 f1bslb,I feel like I don’t have control of myself,1a,help-seeking,2,"I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression for years, and I recently got put on new meds. But ever since I’ve started taking them, I’ve gotten more and more stressed, which makes me more and more angry. Everything sets me off. Even small things that don’t matter make me so stressed and angry. It feels like I don’t have control over myself, and it’s like my anger is the one controlling me. I’m scared that one day I will hurt someone or myself. I just don’t feel in control of anything I do. I felt like this a lot when I was a child, and I would calm myself down by scratching myself until I bled. I’ve been self-harm free for three weeks, but it’s so hard. Especially when I get so upset and angry, because I feel like the pain is the only thing that can calm me down. It grounds me. I always feel like this and it’s getting to be too much. I really feel like I’m going to hurt myself or someone else. But I really don’t want to. Are there any tips I can use to calm myself down and be in control once again?",-this_is_bullshit-,1,0,10,2020-02-09 17:26:53,Anger,"I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression for years, and I recently got put on new meds. But ever since I’ve started taking them, I’ve gotten more and more stressed, which makes me more and more angry. Everything sets me off. Even small things that don’t matter make me so stressed and angry. It feels like I don’t have control over myself, and it’s like my anger is the one controlling me. I’m scared that one day I will hurt someone or myself. I just don’t feel in control of anything I do. I felt like this a lot when I was a child, and I would calm myself down by scratching myself until I bled. I’ve been self-harm free for three weeks, but it’s so hard. Especially when I get so upset and angry, because I feel like the pain is the only thing that can calm me down. It grounds me. I always feel like this and it’s getting to be too much. I really feel like I’m going to hurt myself or someone else. But I really don’t want to. Are there any tips I can use to calm myself down and be in control once again?",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 emo65n,I have a festering rage since the longest.,1a,help-seeking,1,"Hi r/anger. It’s my first time on this sub and I want to reach out to someone who may be familiar with this because I do need some help to cope with this. Ever since since I was a teenager I always bottled all the rage and anger from unfortunate situations and instead acted maturely despite what I felt inside. For the longest i wondered why I would get so angry from any annoyance, problem, or person. It took me a long time to finally realize what I had was this pent up rage from all the times I’ve been fucked over. Sometimes I would get so angry that my voice cracks and tears come out. I feel all the rage in my chest so it just magnifies to the 100th power because I want to let it all out but I put it in a cage and let it fester more and more. I want to exercise this demon. I don’t want to feel toxic inside when my buttons are being pushed. I want to stop the tears. Thank you to anyone who gets back to me.",isidrocreates,1,0,3,2020-01-10 08:30:35,Anger,"Hi r/anger. It’s my first time on this sub and I want to reach out to someone who may be familiar with this because I do need some help to cope with this. Ever since since I was a teenager I always bottled all the rage and anger from unfortunate situations and instead acted maturely despite what I felt inside. For the longest i wondered why I would get so angry from any annoyance, problem, or person. It took me a long time to finally realize what I had was this pent up rage from all the times I’ve been fucked over. Sometimes I would get so angry that my voice cracks and tears come out. I feel all the rage in my chest so it just magnifies to the 100th power because I want to let it all out but I put it in a cage and let it fester more and more. I want to exercise this demon. I don’t want to feel toxic inside when my buttons are being pushed. I want to stop the tears. Thank you to anyone who gets back to me.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 epodff,I just stopped drinking need tips,1a,help-seeking,1,I have been drinking every night for the past year or so. It's become a serious problem recently because my liqour consumption is rediculous and I can't have a day without it. It's ruining my life. So I've decided to end my drinking. Everytime I have tried in the past I barely make it to 2 days. Anyone have some advice or words of encouragement?,beardedangelbaby,1,0,38,2020-01-16 19:41:17,alcoholicsanonymous,I have been drinking every night for the past year or so. It's become a serious problem recently because my liqour consumption is rediculous and I can't have a day without it. It's ruining my life. So I've decided to end my drinking. Everytime I have tried in the past I barely make it to 2 days. Anyone have some advice or words of encouragement?,2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,drinking so much liqour,,,,True,202 eiak6k,How nice do you treat people ?,0,survey,1,"All my life, I have been giving 100% for so many people. From family to strangers. I can’t think of anyone who treated me and cared about my feelings like I try to do for them. Now I’m sitting here not knowing how to deal with a little over a decade of relationship and family traumas and mistreatments and disappointments.",therightside01,1,0,0,2019-12-31 23:24:52,BPD,"All my life, I have been giving 100% for so many people. From family to strangers. I can’t think of anyone who treated me and cared about my feelings like I try to do for them. Now I’m sitting here not knowing how to deal with a little over a decade of relationship and family traumas and mistreatments and disappointments.",2,0,0,,,How did X make you feel?,nobody caring about your feelings,What do you need help with now that X?,even your family doesn't care about your feelings,,True,200 ejd64w,really need advice on this one guys,1a,help-seeking,1,"so ive been struggling with what im like 70% sure is social anxiety for a while now. im not trying to be pretentious and self diagnose, but whenever social situations are forced on me, my heart if pounding and i start to sweat/legs get shaky. i recently decided that i would try and break down the walls i put around myself and start texting this girl i like on snapchat, so after about a week of stressing about it, i finally talked with her with the help of a close friend and it went great (lots of smiley faces and quick responses and things like that). now she doesn't respond for hours when i try and start a convo, and sometimes not even at all... am i reading into this too much? maybe she is just busy or something but i feel like might have messed things up by being too awkward or not really forward enough.",saudi_oil_prince,1,0,6,2020-01-03 09:32:05,socialanxiety,"so ive been struggling with what im like 70% sure is social anxiety for a while now. im not trying to be pretentious and self diagnose, but whenever social situations are forced on me, my heart if pounding and i start to sweat/legs get shaky. i recently decided that i would try and break down the walls i put around myself and start texting this girl i like on snapchat, so after about a week of stressing about it, i finally talked with her with the help of a close friend and it went great (lots of smiley faces and quick responses and things like that). now she doesn't respond for hours when i try and start a convo, and sometimes not even at all... am i reading into this too much? maybe she is just busy or something but i feel like might have messed things up by being too awkward or not really forward enough.",2,1,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how social anxiety makes you feel,What do you need help with now that X?,the girl stopped responding,,True,210 en24st,I keep reliving it and it feels worse and worse,1b,rant,3,"(This is a post I made in r/rape that for some reason was only visible to me) I've posted in a different sub a long while ago about how I was making steps of recovery. Well I've gone waaaaay way back so many steps back. I keep reliving it in my head and in my dreams, and in my dreams it's so much worse and it hurts so damn much. Many times I cant wake myself up and I always wake up scared and into an immediate anxiety attack. There have been times just the dreams and remembrances of it have led me to self harming and thinking of suicide. Sometimes I tell myself I'm to blame but I know it's not true. I said no. We were together and throughout the relationship he was constantly wanting sexual things despite me first saying I didnt want it until marriage. I felt I had no choice because of my major depression and I was gullible and stupid, so he was able to get me to think he was all I had and all I could depend on. And it made me so afraid of losing him so I reluctant did sexual things with him. Every time I would stand my ground and say I wanted to stop being sexual in the relationship he would get upset. He would never hit me or yell but he would get down and moping. He would keep bringing it up or put so much guilt onto me that I would say forget it and say I wanted it. When we decided to have sex the first time it hurt and we stopped cuz I wanted to. When the rape happened it was the same, except this time - i had been heavily turned on by the idea of bondage/bdsm despite having no experience and not necessarily wanting to do it actually irl. We both decided to try just simple hand bondage. Well when he went into me it hurt and I ended up saying i wasnt ready and i wasnt sure. But he didn't stop despite me saying that many times. He didnt stop until I was crying so badly and his mom walked in. She left but I was a horrible mess. I still am. It hurts so bad to think about and i just want to die He claimed I wanted it despite what I was saying because my body was moving for more. I was trying to push him off without my hands since I couldnt use them. For the longest time I pushed it out of my mind and told myself it was just due to his mild autism but my friend, who my bf at the time ended up not liking me hang with, had to flat out tell me it was rape before I realized it. And I broke down when I realized my friend was right. Jeff, the guy who hurt me, I dont care if his name is here it's such a common name no one will know, tried to tell me hes never done this before and he didnt mean it. I was ready to die after all that. I had gone to a gaming/swimming party to reunite with some old high school friends and almost ended up drowning in the pool while being taught how to swim. Jeff didnt care when I told him. I realized I didnt want to stay with him but I knew I couldn't break up with him in person because I wouldnt be able to go through with it. So I texted him and my two friends comforted me through it that night. I found out before even this that I'm not the only one hes done this to. Jeff's ex, who he spoke so badly about to me, was actually the nicest person I had ever met in work. She was my coworker when I changed positions and helped me so much. She came out about her story before I ever told her things weren't okay. She told the same story as me. The details were the same. The actions he did, how didnt take no for an answer. He treated me the same as he did her. And he lied saying we were the most amazing girls in the world and that he loved us. He also had confessed to me during our relationship that he one time took things way too far with one of his exes, Julie/Julia, I dont remember exactly. They had no contact afterward. I told him it wasnt rape to comfort him but how he told it it was exactly rape. He works at my work place. That's how we met. Every time I see him I start to panic. I've hurt myself at work and home because of him. It's been 3 years since we had gotten together and 2 since I broke up with him. I'm not over it. I had to tell him that I would get the law involved should he ever approach me again. He never did except once to wish me happy thanksgiving. I wanted to die that day and tell the police but I didnt. I was scared and still am. I have to see him every weekend at work. I try to avoid him as I know his usual schedule and routine at work but recently hes just there more and more and more and I cant do it. Hes gotten into close proximity more than once with me recently and sent me into over panic attacks that I have to either hide away to calm down or act like I dont have because I'm on the floor instead of the backroom. He talked to me once recently when I dropped something on the floor and I went to pick it up but he came and picked it up. I said thanks to be courteous as usual to not start anything and he said no problem or something but it was just too close. I spent 5, 10, I dont know how many minutes sitting in our overstock area for my department pacing and trying to calm down because i was just crying and pulling at my hair so I didnt bash my head into the wall. I dug my nails into my arms and bit my lips so hard it kept them damaged the next few days. I have medicine to take but the dosage I was given doesnt help with these panic attacks. And I cant afford to take more than the dosage (which I have done many times already because I couldnt handle it) because it could kill me from overdosing, and it makes it hard to do my job as it causes me to almost fall asleep. I just cant do this. I'm so scared he's gonna say something or come up to me or spread some lie about me. It's been over 2 years I dont know why I'm still so scared but just seeing him or hearing his name or seeing any neon green (that's his vest color for the job) or seeing a tall skinny dude in black pants and black hoodie from the back or someone with short blonde hair and glasses that so much resembles him I just I want to die so bad. I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I cant do it it's just horrible and I cant. I want to hurt myself so bad I just want the nightmare to be over already but it keeps getting worse",rileysmiley45,1,0,0,2020-01-11 03:29:49,rapecounseling,"(This is a post I made in r/rape that for some reason was only visible to me) I've posted in a different sub a long while ago about how I was making steps of recovery. Well I've gone waaaaay way back so many steps back. I keep reliving it in my head and in my dreams, and in my dreams it's so much worse and it hurts so damn much. Many times I cant wake myself up and I always wake up scared and into an immediate anxiety attack. There have been times just the dreams and remembrances of it have led me to self harming and thinking of suicide. Sometimes I tell myself I'm to blame but I know it's not true. I said no. We were together and throughout the relationship he was constantly wanting sexual things despite me first saying I didnt want it until marriage. I felt I had no choice because of my major depression and I was gullible and stupid, so he was able to get me to think he was all I had and all I could depend on. And it made me so afraid of losing him so I reluctant did sexual things with him. Every time I would stand my ground and say I wanted to stop being sexual in the relationship he would get upset. He would never hit me or yell but he would get down and moping. He would keep bringing it up or put so much guilt onto me that I would say forget it and say I wanted it. When we decided to have sex the first time it hurt and we stopped cuz I wanted to. When the rape happened it was the same, except this time - i had been heavily turned on by the idea of bondage/bdsm despite having no experience and not necessarily wanting to do it actually irl. We both decided to try just simple hand bondage. Well when he went into me it hurt and I ended up saying i wasnt ready and i wasnt sure. But he didn't stop despite me saying that many times. He didnt stop until I was crying so badly and his mom walked in. She left but I was a horrible mess. I still am. It hurts so bad to think about and i just want to die He claimed I wanted it despite what I was saying because my body was moving for more. I was trying to push him off without my hands since I couldnt use them. For the longest time I pushed it out of my mind and told myself it was just due to his mild autism but my friend, who my bf at the time ended up not liking me hang with, had to flat out tell me it was rape before I realized it. And I broke down when I realized my friend was right. Jeff, the guy who hurt me, I dont care if his name is here it's such a common name no one will know, tried to tell me hes never done this before and he didnt mean it. I was ready to die after all that. I had gone to a gaming/swimming party to reunite with some old high school friends and almost ended up drowning in the pool while being taught how to swim. Jeff didnt care when I told him. I realized I didnt want to stay with him but I knew I couldn't break up with him in person because I wouldnt be able to go through with it. So I texted him and my two friends comforted me through it that night. I found out before even this that I'm not the only one hes done this to. Jeff's ex, who he spoke so badly about to me, was actually the nicest person I had ever met in work. She was my coworker when I changed positions and helped me so much. She came out about her story before I ever told her things weren't okay. She told the same story as me. The details were the same. The actions he did, how didnt take no for an answer. He treated me the same as he did her. And he lied saying we were the most amazing girls in the world and that he loved us. He also had confessed to me during our relationship that he one time took things way too far with one of his exes, Julie/Julia, I dont remember exactly. They had no contact afterward. I told him it wasnt rape to comfort him but how he told it it was exactly rape. He works at my work place. That's how we met. Every time I see him I start to panic. I've hurt myself at work and home because of him. It's been 3 years since we had gotten together and 2 since I broke up with him. I'm not over it. I had to tell him that I would get the law involved should he ever approach me again. He never did except once to wish me happy thanksgiving. I wanted to die that day and tell the police but I didn't. I was scared and still am. I have to see him every weekend at work. I try to avoid him as I know his usual schedule and routine at work but recently hes just there more and more and more and I cant do it. Hes gotten into close proximity more than once with me recently and sent me into over panic attacks that I have to either hide away to calm down or act like I dont have because I'm on the floor instead of the backroom. He talked to me once recently when I dropped something on the floor and I went to pick it up but he came and picked it up. I said thanks to be courteous as usual to not start anything and he said no problem or something but it was just too close. I spent 5, 10, I dont know how many minutes sitting in our overstock area for my department pacing and trying to calm down because i was just crying and pulling at my hair so I didnt bash my head into the wall. I dug my nails into my arms and bit my lips so hard it kept them damaged the next few days. I have medicine to take but the dosage I was given doesnt help with these panic attacks. And I cant afford to take more than the dosage (which I have done many times already because I couldnt handle it) because it could kill me from overdosing, and it makes it hard to do my job as it causes me to almost fall asleep. I just cant do this. I'm so scared he's gonna say something or come up to me or spread some lie about me. It's been over 2 years I dont know why I'm still so scared but just seeing him or hearing his name or seeing any neon green (that's his vest color for the job) or seeing a tall skinny dude in black pants and black hoodie from the back or someone with short blonde hair and glasses that so much resembles him I just I want to die so bad. I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I cant do it it's just horrible and I cant. I want to hurt myself so bad I just want the nightmare to be over already but it keeps getting worse",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you get relief from the trauma,,True,221 ekg5ik,Hny!,0,survey,3,Anyone elses new year starting off shitty asf? lol,bhtdvn,1,0,1,2020-01-05 17:39:28,socialanxiety,Anyone elses new year starting off shitty asf? lol,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your new year start,How did X make you feel?,the start of new year,What do you need help with now that X?,the new year start was bad,,True,100 eia4a9,No friends,1a,survey,1,"Am I the only person with absolutely no friends? I am isolated and have literally nobody to talk to. I’m so lonely and can’t socialise. I try my best, but no one listens to what I have to say because I have an awkward aura and can’t keep a conversation going. I am honestly jealous of people who could easily talk to people and befriend them.",yeetdolly,1,0,58,2019-12-31 22:49:01,BPD,"Am I the only person with absolutely no friends? I am isolated and have literally nobody to talk to. I’m so lonely and can’t socialise. I try my best, but no one listens to what I have to say because I have an awkward aura and can’t keep a conversation going. I am honestly jealous of people who could easily talk to people and befriend them.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you socialise more,,True,221 eixxb4,Are you able to open up in a relationship?,1a,help-seeking,1,"I've going about my relationships extremely secretive about myself in general (as I don't have much of a sense of self, even less in a relationship), let alone about the disorder. I fear opening my heart and feeling vulnerable. Instead I opt for taking advantage of the other person, assuming that otherwise that's what they would do with me. That attitude has lost me a couple of partners that actually cared about me. Last night I had a painful breakthrough that showed me a lot of my behaviors are same as my mother's. I'm afraid I might be a narcissistic.",N2425,1,0,11,2020-01-02 12:57:47,BPD,"I've going about my relationships extremely secretive about myself in general (as I don't have much of a sense of self, even less in a relationship), let alone about the disorder. I fear opening my heart and feeling vulnerable. Instead I opt for taking advantage of the other person, assuming that otherwise that's what they would do with me. That attitude has lost me a couple of partners that actually cared about me. Last night I had a painful breakthrough that showed me a lot of my behaviors are same as my mother's. I'm afraid I might be a narcissistic.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you impulsively take advantage of others,,True,220 eobr9q,I Give Up Trying To Do It My Way,1a,rant,2,"I went to a meeting last night and this morning. I want to do this. I have to do this. I have a year of sobriety under my belt, but I didn't do it the right way. I didn't do the steps, I quit therapy, I didn't get a sponsor. I made no sober friends. I never admitted to myself, really truly admitted to myself that I was an alcoholic. Last night at the meeting I truthfully said that I thought at a year I would be ""cured"" and I could start drinking again. Subconsciously, I really did think that way. I don't know about you all, but admitting that I was an alcoholic was the hardest thing. Because, my life didn't look like an episode of Intervention. I have a job, I don't have any DUI's. There were nights I DID just have one drink. But...ultimately that night would follow soon after. The shots. The black-outs...the ""I wish we had some coke"" or ""lets go find some coke"". It was always that cycle. The ""I'll just buy this bottle of wine and drink it leisurely""...yeah. Right. The ""I'll just have a drink before bed"". Maybe for the first night. If I'm REALLY behaving myself, maybe the second night. But come the third? Come Friday? Come a bad day at work? All hell will break loose. A cycle that has repeated itself so many times. So. Many. Times. Admittedly, I am still skeptical of AA. Going to meetings...seeing people who have 20+ years of sobriety under their belt say ""life is better than I could have ever imagined"". It's like, really? Seriously? Because I'm 30. And I imagined at 30 that I would be a famous writer. I would have my screenplay produced. And you're still here, coming to these meetings and your life is fantastic? Bullshit. But I want to try. Because a light bulb moment for me happened last night. Someone with a few years of sobriety said the reason they kept coming to the meetings is because early in their sobriety, they weren't coming to meetings and they were miserable. And this person said: ""I thought to myself, if I'm miserable sober, why the hell am I sober? Why don't I just start drinking again?"" That resonated with me so much. And it motivated them to try this AA thing. I want to be happy. I want to be fully present in my relationship. I want to be a good daughter and a good friend and a good person. I don't want to be an atypical dry alcoholic who is miserable. I believe in God and I always have. I have to believe that He (as I understand Him) will help me, because I sure as hell am out of ideas on how to help myself. I give up trying to do this my way. I give up being stubborn. Thank you all so much for your support.",coffeeandtea0909,1,0,13,2020-01-13 22:42:26,alcoholicsanonymous,"I went to a meeting last night and this morning. I want to do this. I have to do this. I have a year of sobriety under my belt, but I didn't do it the right way. I didn't do the steps, I quit therapy, I didn't get a sponsor. I made no sober friends. I never admitted to myself, really truly admitted to myself that I was an alcoholic. Last night at the meeting I truthfully said that I thought at a year I would be ""cured"" and I could start drinking again. Subconsciously, I really did think that way. I don't know about you all, but admitting that I was an alcoholic was the hardest thing. Because, my life didn't look like an episode of Intervention. I have a job, I don't have any DUI's. There were nights I DID just have one drink. But...ultimately that night would follow soon after. The shots. The black-outs...the ""I wish we had some coke"" or ""lets go find some coke"". It was always that cycle. The ""I'll just buy this bottle of wine and drink it leisurely""...yeah. Right. The ""I'll just have a drink before bed"". Maybe for the first night. If I'm REALLY behaving myself, maybe the second night. But come the third? Come Friday? Come a bad day at work? All hell will break loose. A cycle that has repeated itself so many times. So. Many. Times. Admittedly, I am still skeptical of AA. Going to meetings...seeing people who have 20+ years of sobriety under their belt say ""life is better than I could have ever imagined"". It's like, really? Seriously? Because I'm 30. And I imagined at 30 that I would be a famous writer. I would have my screenplay produced. And you're still here, coming to these meetings and your life is fantastic? Bullshit. But I want to try. Because a light bulb moment for me happened last night. Someone with a few years of sobriety said the reason they kept coming to the meetings is because early in their sobriety, they weren't coming to meetings and they were miserable. And this person said: ""I thought to myself, if I'm miserable sober, why the hell am I sober? Why don't I just start drinking again?"" That resonated with me so much. And it motivated them to try this AA thing. I want to be happy. I want to be fully present in my relationship. I want to be a good daughter and a good friend and a good person. I don't want to be an atypical dry alcoholic who is miserable. I believe in God and I always have. I have to believe that He (as I understand Him) will help me, because I sure as hell am out of ideas on how to help myself. I give up trying to do this my way. I give up being stubborn. Thank you all so much for your support.",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,attending the meeting,,,,True,202 eih2vi,I think my brother saw,0,rant,1,"I was wearing a sweater that is a tad too short for me and I reached out the grab the charger that was lying next to him. So my sleeve creeped up, exposing the cuts. And he looked at my arm I am sure but I'm not sure if he saw the cuts. He hasn't said anything about it anyway but I'm scared he'll tell my parents",SpideryCross22,1,0,0,2020-01-01 10:39:17,selfharm,"I think my brother saw I was wearing a sweater that is a tad too short for me and I reached out the grab the charger that was lying next to him. So my sleeve creeped up, exposing the cuts. And he looked at my arm I am sure but I'm not sure if he saw the cuts. He hasn't said anything about it anyway but I'm scared he'll tell my parents",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you cut yourself,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are scared your brother would tell your parents about the cuts,,True,120 eibeg1,This year was the worst,1a,rant,1,"I have been struggling with a divorce, not seeing my kids, house got foreclosed on on top of a huge pile of debt, and I'm in this hole that I cant seem to get out of. A few months back I almost shot myself, luckily my dog was there to comfort me. I drink myself to sleep almost every night now even though I tell myself I wont every morning. I have no motivation. Luckily I have a job I like but my home life sucks. I cant even seem to get the energy to watch tv or play video games anymore. I really hope this year will be better, I haven't lost all hope. I hope everyone's year here will be better. I really just wanted to get this off my chest a bit as I haven't ever really told anyone what's going on with me. Thanks for listening random internet strangers and I genuinely hope we all make this year better for ourselves than the last.",beanstalk1323,1,0,0,2020-01-01 00:31:30,depression,"I have been struggling with a divorce, not seeing my kids, house got foreclosed on on top of a huge pile of debt, and I'm in this hole that I cant seem to get out of. A few months back I almost shot myself, luckily my dog was there to comfort me. I drink myself to sleep almost every night now even though I tell myself I wont every morning. I have no motivation. Luckily I have a job I like but my home life sucks. I cant even seem to get the energy to watch tv or play video games anymore. I really hope this year will be better, I haven't lost all hope. I hope everyone's year here will be better. I really just wanted to get this off my chest a bit as I haven't ever really told anyone what's going on with me. Thanks for listening random internet strangers and I genuinely hope we all make this year better for ourselves than the last.",2,1,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about the past year,,,,True,212 eif858,Half a year clean until i fell.,1a,rant,1,"i spend half a year clean, and then i fell on a concrete slab on a hike. It felt surreal and it felt kind of good. But ive been trying so hard for so long and im all of the sudden back into it. Ive tried that marker trick to stop cutting but that just doesnt work. I dont know how to stop myself from the urge but i dont know how. My parents got really mad at me when they saw them. And i expected them to be supportive but no, they never help. Im glad i have this subreddit so i can talk to people who understand.",FlashbangT,1,0,0,2020-01-01 06:39:54,selfharm,"i spend half a year clean, and then i fell on a concrete slab on a hike. It felt surreal and it felt kind of good. But ive been trying so hard for so long and im all of the sudden back into it. Ive tried that marker trick to stop cutting but that just doesnt work. I dont know how to stop myself from the urge but i dont know how. My parents got really mad at me when they saw them. And i expected them to be supportive but no, they never help. Im glad i have this subreddit so i can talk to people who understand.",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you harm yourself,,,What do you need help with now that X?,falling on the concrete slab made the urges uncontrollable,,True,120 evxp2c,Need advice on domestic violence,1b,help-seeking,2," Hi reddit, Created a spare account because I don't wish to be identified by my family. I'm in a bit of a situation now that I need some advice. I hesitate to go to a lawyer mainly because I don't know if it's a good idea to escalate things to that extent. To give some background, my brother has a record of being violent and abusive. To give an example of physical violence, he would use dining chairs to hit us (the siblings), and had threatened to hit our parents a few times. Today, he threw/hid my keys in the morning and prevented me from going to work. As a result, I'm unable to leave the house, and thanks to him removing all cooking utensils, I have no way to cook for myself either. Gonna have to survive on a bag of potato chips and water till 8\~9pm Would anyone have any suggestions on how I should approach this? I had considered filing a police report a few times, but given that it happens within the family, there's very little evidence beyond bruising etc, I'm not sure if there's a case. Moreover, as a male, I'm not sure if the domestic violence protection applies to me. In addition, I'm also not sure if in the case today, it constitutes wrongful confinement given that I'm trapped in my own house. I intend to confront him tonight over his actions today, and am expecting it to turn violent. I'm still considering how I should deal with this situation, would appreciate any inputs.",Anon65123,1,0,14,2020-01-30 02:01:03,domesticviolence," Hi reddit, Created a spare account because I don't wish to be identified by my family. I'm in a bit of a situation now that I need some advice. I hesitate to go to a lawyer mainly because I don't know if it's a good idea to escalate things to that extent. To give some background, my brother has a record of being violent and abusive. To give an example of physical violence, he would use dining chairs to hit us (the siblings), and had threatened to hit our parents a few times. Today, he threw/hid my keys in the morning and prevented me from going to work. As a result, I'm unable to leave the house, and thanks to him removing all cooking utensils, I have no way to cook for myself either. Gonna have to survive on a bag of potato chips and water till 8\~9pm Would anyone have any suggestions on how I should approach this? I had considered filing a police report a few times, but given that it happens within the family, there's very little evidence beyond bruising etc, I'm not sure if there's a case. Moreover, as a male, I'm not sure if the domestic violence protection applies to me. In addition, I'm also not sure if in the case today, it constitutes wrongful confinement given that I'm trapped in my own house. I intend to confront him tonight over his actions today, and am expecting it to turn violent. I'm still considering how I should deal with this situation, would appreciate any inputs.",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,your brother's actions,,,,True,202 eid60t,I need a friend,0,help-seeking,1,"Iam 22 year girl from india. I have social anxiety disorder. I have been struggling in my life. There is no one i can talk to. There is no one who understands my struggles. I really in need of a freind who also have social anxiety. So we can share our experiences with each other and help each other. So If there is anyone interested, could you please message me?",Introvert_with_SAD,1,0,4,2020-01-01 03:11:44,socialanxiety,"Iam 22 year girl from india. I have social anxiety disorder. I have been struggling in my life. There is no one i can talk to. There is no one who understands my struggles. I really in need of a freind who also have social anxiety. So we can share our experiences with each other and help each other. So If there is anyone interested, could you please message me?",2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,your social anxiety,,,,True,202 ejviah,I can't create or maintain relationships and I hate it,1a,rant,1,"I have some friends who have said that they'll be there to help me or hang out with me if I need to, but I'm too scared to even message them unless I have an ""excuse"" eg i need to return something she lent me. Something like ""hey let's grab dinner"" should be simple, but I get too anxious to ask. And in the end either they invite me, or I get depressed and beat myself up for not asking. Gradually we talk less and less, but I can't blame them. My romantic relationships were similar too. I did slowly get better with my last boyfriend, but after he dumped me, that broke me and just reset everything. My friendships are deteriorating because of how anxious i get and I'm trying to overcome it, but its hard. It terrifies me that I might very well end up dying alone with only a pet to love me.",chikinbasuketto,8,0,7,2020-01-04 11:18:14,socialanxiety,"I have some friends who have said that they'll be there to help me or hang out with me if I need to, but I'm too scared to even message them unless I have an ""excuse"" eg i need to return something she lent me. Something like ""hey let's grab dinner"" should be simple, but I get too anxious to ask. And in the end either they invite me, or I get depressed and beat myself up for not asking. Gradually we talk less and less, but I can't blame them. My romantic relationships were similar too. I did slowly get better with my last boyfriend, but after he dumped me, that broke me and just reset everything. My friendships are deteriorating because of how anxious i get and I'm trying to overcome it, but its hard. It terrifies me that I might very well end up dying alone with only a pet to love me.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,your anxiety is affecting your relationships,,True,220 ffbhda,How do i get over my abusive ex boyfriend?,0,help-seeking,1,"I broke up with him a month ago and i’m obviously not over him yet, we lived together and travelled together and planned our whole lives together so it’s really hard to lose someone like that. i’m not quite sure how to even try to start getting over him, i’ve just been ignoring the emotions but they keep resurfacing.",mpeg9,1,0,4,2020-03-08 11:45:18,getting_over_it,"How do i get over my abusive ex boyfriend? I broke up with him a month ago and i’m obviously not over him yet, we lived together and travelled together and planned our whole lives together so it’s really hard to lose someone like that. i’m not quite sure how to even try to start getting over him, i’ve just been ignoring the emotions but they keep resurfacing.",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,breaking up with your boyfriend,,,,True,202 eigu1b,I've been having nonstop thoughts,0,rant,1,I really want to do it again I'm stuck,suddatomic,1,0,1,2020-01-01 10:05:02,selfharm,I've been having nonstop thoughts I really want to do it again I'm stuck,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your thoughts,How did X make you feel?,the nonstop thoughts,What do you need help with now that X?,you are having the urge to self harm again,,True,100 ej6ed3,"Get Ready For Label Changes and Diagnosis Roulette - ""The Impact of the New ICD-11 Criteria on Abused Young People: 30% Less PTSD and CPTSD Diagnoses Compared to DSM-IV""",0,chitchat,3,"> Dear Editor, > > The diagnostic criteria for posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) have been reformulated and narrowed for ICD-11 [1] to six core symptoms across the clusters re-experiencing, avoidance, and hyperarousal. In comparison, PTSD criteria in DSM-IV consist of sixteen symptoms across three clusters, in DSM-5 of twenty symptoms across four clusters, and in ICD-10 of thirteen symptoms across three clusters. > > The new ICD-11 diagnosis Complex PTSD (CPTSD) requires symptoms of PTSD and in addition disturbances of self-organization: affect dysregulation, negative self-concept, and interpersonal problems. Impairment represented in the disturbances of self-organization domains is not necessarily associated with trauma-related stimuli. CPTSD typically follows prolonged or multiple events, but diagnosis does not require a certain type and frequency of a traumatic event... >. >. >**In conclusion, the current findings indicate that the ICD-11 PTSD criteria are less sensitive than other diagnostic manuals and may not, therefore, identify all traumatized and impaired young people with high psychological distress. This might lead to restricted access to eligible treatment for some young people since ICD is mainly used in clinical practice. ICD-11 does not as yet provide developmentally sensitive adaptations or wording of PTSD and CPTSD criteria, and this topic needs to be discussed critically. Furthermore, differences between diagnostic manuals might lead to limited comparability of treatment studies and to reduced relevance of research for practitioners.** *Eilers, R., Rimane, E., Vogel, A., Renneberg, B., Steil, R., & Rosner, R. (2019). The Impact of the New ICD-11 Criteria on Abused Young People: 30% Less PTSD and CPTSD Diagnoses Compared to DSM-IV. Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics, 1–3. doi:10.1159/000503794* Full text at https://sci-hub.tw/https://doi.org/10.1159/000503794",BlueAzzure,3,0,6,2020-01-02 23:34:55,ptsd,"> Dear Editor, > > The diagnostic criteria for posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) have been reformulated and narrowed for ICD-11 [1] to six core symptoms across the clusters re-experiencing, avoidance, and hyperarousal. In comparison, PTSD criteria in DSM-IV consist of sixteen symptoms across three clusters, in DSM-5 of twenty symptoms across four clusters, and in ICD-10 of thirteen symptoms across three clusters. > > The new ICD-11 diagnosis Complex PTSD (CPTSD) requires symptoms of PTSD and in addition disturbances of self-organization: affect dysregulation, negative self-concept, and interpersonal problems. Impairment represented in the disturbances of self-organization domains is not necessarily associated with trauma-related stimuli. CPTSD typically follows prolonged or multiple events, but diagnosis does not require a certain type and frequency of a traumatic event... >. >. >**In conclusion, the current findings indicate that the ICD-11 PTSD criteria are less sensitive than other diagnostic manuals and may not, therefore, identify all traumatized and impaired young people with high psychological distress. This might lead to restricted access to eligible treatment for some young people since ICD is mainly used in clinical practice. ICD-11 does not as yet provide developmentally sensitive adaptations or wording of PTSD and CPTSD criteria, and this topic needs to be discussed critically. Furthermore, differences between diagnostic manuals might lead to limited comparability of treatment studies and to reduced relevance of research for practitioners.** *Eilers, R., Rimane, E., Vogel, A., Renneberg, B., Steil, R., & Rosner, R. (2019). The Impact of the New ICD-11 Criteria on Abused Young People: 30% Less PTSD and CPTSD Diagnoses Compared to DSM-IV. Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics, 1–3. doi:10.1159/000503794* Full text at https://sci-hub.tw/https://doi.org/10.1159/000503794",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 euazrm,i don’t know what to do,1a,rant,1,"i’m so pissed off all the time. nobodys done or said anything to upset me, but i keep annoying myself. i was playing a video game last night & i was getting really upset so i punched the wall as hard as i could. it bruised pretty bad & hurts to bend. but today i woke up in a bad mood & everytime anything happens i want to hit my wall but my hand hurts so much it’s leaving me in a hopeless loop of frustration. i can’t hit it with my left hand because it’s weak & has no strength at all.",shadypeach1,1,0,13,2020-01-26 19:00:25,Anger,"i’m so pissed off all the time. nobodys done or said anything to upset me, but i keep annoying myself. i was playing a video game last night & i was getting really upset so i punched the wall as hard as i could. it bruised pretty bad & hurts to bend. but today i woke up in a bad mood & everytime anything happens i want to hit my wall but my hand hurts so much it’s leaving me in a hopeless loop of frustration. i can’t hit it with my left hand because it’s weak & has no strength at all.",2,1,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your frustration,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel angry all the time,,True,210 eii6vi,Today is day 1 of my 2nd year booze free. 482 days. Feels great.,0,chitchat,1,,IvoTailefer,1,0,6,2020-01-01 13:10:19,alcoholicsanonymous,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ejtt9q,"When I was younger and had to read in front of people, I would focus my attention on just reading normally, so I couldn’t absorb anything I just read. I think I’ve gotten that way with just talking with people. I focus so hard to rehearse and deliver a line, that I can’t really have a conversation.",1a,rant,1,,b111ybob22,28,0,10,2020-01-04 07:55:22,socialanxiety,"When I was younger and had to read in front of people, I would focus my attention on just reading normally, so I couldn’t absorb anything I just read. I think I’ve gotten that way with just talking with people. I focus so hard to rehearse and deliver a line, that I can’t really have a conversation. nan",2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,your situation,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unable to have a proper conversation,,True,200 ey16ww,Emotionally and Verbally abused.,1b,help-seeking,1,He has verbally and emotionally abuse me when i cheated on him before the abuse started. He tries to control everything and everyone around me. If anyone of you can help me to get away.,NeuroendocrineKey,1,0,1,2020-02-03 04:12:28,domesticviolence,He has verbally and emotionally abuse me when i cheated on him before the abuse started. He tries to control everything and everyone around me. If anyone of you can help me to get away.,2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,the verbal and emotional abuse,,,,True,202 fj5fid,I want friends but I don't want them at the same time.,1a,help-seeking,1,"Like I feel lonely and crave social connection, but then when people try to talk to me or invite me out I put off replying and refuse to go out. And then I slowly resent people for asking me to go out. What is this, and how can I avoid it? Why do I feel like this? Does anyone else feel the same?",rock_bottom7,1,0,8,2020-03-15 17:59:40,getting_over_it,"Like I feel lonely and crave social connection, but then when people try to talk to me or invite me out I put off replying and refuse to go out. And then I slowly resent people for asking me to go out. What is this, and how can I avoid it? Why do I feel like this? Does anyone else feel the same?",1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you refuse to go out with people,,,,,,True,122 eiiyxt,Love you guys!!,0,chitchat,1,"Aye ya'll what's going on!! Today is 1st of January and guess what?! It's my brithday!! It's kinda nice to be born on 1st Jan, makes me feel lucky. Anyway, i love you all out here, you guys have made my life better. I'm glad i got connected to you guys, making my life a little easier as i can now share my ADHD stuff out here. Anyway, loads of love from me, let's have a great year ahead? Let's take one day at a time and not look at the big picture for the moment and just be grateful for the life we have.",XxXTeNSa3D2Y,1,0,3,2020-01-01 14:40:14,ADHD,"Aye ya'll what's going on!! Today is 1st of January and guess what?! It's my brithday!! It's kinda nice to be born on 1st Jan, makes me feel lucky. Anyway, i love you all out here, you guys have made my life better. I'm glad i got connected to you guys, making my life a little easier as i can now share my ADHD stuff out here. Anyway, loads of love from me, let's have a great year ahead? Let's take one day at a time and not look at the big picture for the moment and just be grateful for the life we have.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eiz7ai,Struggling to find self worth right about now,1a,rant,1,"So, I’ve got a lot going for me right now honestly, I have a good job, my GPA is up, I have a lot of good friends, I’ve recently lost 50 lbs and an at a healthy weight for the first time I can recall in my life. So why am I still struggling, I’ve fought this battle many times over with depression and especially seasonal affective disorder, as well as anxiety. I’ve been trying hard to find someone to just be with romantically but shits a struggle and I always feel off because I’ve had some really shitty past experiences so I feel like I can’t be the man I want to be while carrying past traumas from relationships. I don’t know folks, I’m just feeling down and hopeless, if anyone just wants to chat or something let me know!",it_be_like_dat_,1,0,2,2020-01-02 14:56:53,sad,"So, I’ve got a lot going for me right now honestly, I have a good job, my GPA is up, I have a lot of good friends, I’ve recently lost 50 lbs and an at a healthy weight for the first time I can recall in my life. So why am I still struggling, I’ve fought this battle many times over with depression and especially seasonal affective disorder, as well as anxiety. I’ve been trying hard to find someone to just be with romantically but shits a struggle and I always feel off because I’ve had some really shitty past experiences so I feel like I can’t be the man I want to be while carrying past traumas from relationships. I don’t know folks, I’m just feeling down and hopeless. if anyone just wants to chat or something let me know!",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eivovw,I will never do it again.,1a,rant,1,"I’ve been saying I’ll stop and I’ve been setting goals for how long I can stay clean, but today I’m done. Self harm has been the only thing on my mind for years now and I’m so done with it. I’m quitting for good. Never again.",evade-humanity,1,0,1,2020-01-02 08:33:26,selfharm,"I’ve been saying I’ll stop and I’ve been setting goals for how long I can stay clean, but today I’m done. Self harm has been the only thing on my mind for years now and I’m so done with it. I’m quitting for good. Never again.",1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what made you self harm,How did X make you feel?,self harm,What do you need help with now that X?,you plan to quit self harm,,True,100 ei7c5y,Partake,0,rant,2,BPD makes me feel..,Creativ3_art1st,1,0,3,2019-12-31 19:12:07,BPD,BPD makes me feel..,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your BPD,How did X make you feel?,your bpd,What do you need help with now that X?,you have bpd,,True,100 eiyiq1,Day 35 that’s 5 weeks if you do the math,0,rant,1,"So it’s been 5 weeks. That’s 840hours. Remember all those times dboy said he was an hour away and you were outta dope and that hour seemed like a week. I remember the time I was sick as hell but he said I had to drive five towns over because he was playing Mario kart and didn’t wanna leave. Mario kart are you fucking kidding me I’m dying over here and you cant come meet me at work. All the times I stared at the clock and watched the seconds go by listening for a car door to slam or the door bell to ring. It’s been 3,054,000 seconds since I’ve done dope. Don’t think I didn’t sit there and watch some of those seconds tick off the counter. I hope dboy was looking at his phone wondering when I’d call. Thinking hey it’s been 840hours whens this dude gonna show up w my money. I hope he’s playing Mario kart right now and someone sniped him from across the board with a green turtle shell.",marduk123789,1,0,81,2020-01-02 13:56:18,OpiatesRecovery,"So it’s been 5 weeks. That’s 840hours. Remember all those times dboy said he was an hour away and you were outta dope and that hour seemed like a week. I remember the time I was sick as hell but he said I had to drive five towns over because he was playing Mario kart and didn’t wanna leave. Mario kart are you fucking kidding me I’m dying over here and you cant come meet me at work. All the times I stared at the clock and watched the seconds go by listening for a car door to slam or the door bell to ring. It’s been 3,054,000 seconds since I’ve done dope. Don’t think I didn’t sit there and watch some of those seconds tick off the counter. I hope dboy was looking at his phone wondering when I’d call. Thinking hey it’s been 840hours whens this dude gonna show up w my money. I hope he’s playing Mario kart right now and someone sniped him from across the board with a green turtle shell.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 emwqrq,My brother's traumatic life experience has caught up after years of holding it in,1b,help-seeking,2,"Me (F20) and my brother (M24) have gone through a lot together in our childhood, went through the same things and some things that aren't the same. But, he always seemed to have handled it better, gone through it better and now has a successful life while I always struggled, broke down, became suicidal and having medication. It just seemed like he wasn't affected by it at all, until a few days later where he opened up to me and our mother about the mental struggles that have caught up to him. I have a huge concern for him since he now is going through all the therapy and treatment that I have gone through. And what I mean by that is that I have gotten over huge parts of my PTSD, I've gotten over our father abandoning us and gotten over our father's suicide, I no longer hold grudges of the ones who caused further trauma, I feel as though I could become more social and less anxious to speak with people, and I'm letting myself to get attached to people without the fear of them leaving me. He speaks of all these issues and has not gone past it, it seemed he really struggled on the inside this entire time until it eventually couldn't be held in much longer. We found out about his feelings when he was caught smoking weed (not like we are against it) but he explains that he has been feeling depressed. It has been 8 years since our father commit suicide and it was 8 years of me sorting myself out but 8 years of him holding it in. He's seeing my therapist now since I trust my therapist. He'll see her more than me because he needs it more. Our father's abandonment and death wasn't the only thing we went through together, we were physically and verbally abused by our father, and we both experienced my brother's hand accident where he almost lost his hand. But he's going to get the same help and hopefully, he'll reach the same point that I have gotten to. I still have my own issues to deal with, but they are minor now. His are more important.",Trojannx,1,0,0,2020-01-10 20:34:06,ptsd,"Me (F20) and my brother (M24) have gone through a lot together in our childhood, went through the same things and some things that aren't the same. But, he always seemed to have handled it better, gone through it better and now has a successful life while I always struggled, broke down, became suicidal and having medication. It just seemed like he wasn't affected by it at all, until a few days later where he opened up to me and our mother about the mental struggles that have caught up to him. I have a huge concern for him since he now is going through all the therapy and treatment that I have gone through. And what I mean by that is that I have gotten over huge parts of my PTSD, I've gotten over our father abandoning us and gotten over our father's suicide, I no longer hold grudges of the ones who caused further trauma, I feel as though I could become more social and less anxious to speak with people, and I'm letting myself to get attached to people without the fear of them leaving me. He speaks of all these issues and has not gone past it, it seemed he really struggled on the inside this entire time until it eventually couldn't be held in much longer. We found out about his feelings when he was caught smoking weed (not like we are against it) but he explains that he has been feeling depressed. It has been 8 years since our father commit suicide and it was 8 years of me sorting myself out but 8 years of him holding it in. He's seeing my therapist now since I trust my therapist. He'll see her more than me because he needs it more. Our father's abandonment and death wasn't the only thing we went through together, we were physically and verbally abused by our father, and we both experienced my brother's hand accident where he almost lost his hand. But he's going to get the same help and hopefully, he'll reach the same point that I have gotten to. I still have my own issues to deal with, but they are minor now. His are more important.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help your brother with his mental issues,,True,221 eihc45,To better understand,1b,rant,2,"Hello all, My significant other battles with severe ADHD and self medicates with marijuana usage several times a day as adderall is not available to him. I’m posting on this sub because I would like to better understand his feelings and frustrations and what I can do to empathize. When unmedicated, he is angry and irritable, loud and distracted, and he paces constantly. He is easily frustrated when I don’t understand something he says or wants right away and I have no idea how to soothe him. He can’t stand certain sensations in his skin like water from the shower or light touches. I can’t imagine exactly what it must be like and, if I really think about it, I don’t really know much about ADHD in general. I would love some advice and maybe some personal experiences to use as reference.",LoveOfficialxx,1,0,0,2020-01-01 11:14:32,ADHD,"Hello all, My significant other battles with severe ADHD and self medicates with marijuana usage several times a day as adderall is not available to him. I’m posting on this sub because I would like to better understand his feelings and frustrations and what I can do to empathize. When unmedicated, he is angry and irritable, loud and distracted, and he paces constantly. He is easily frustrated when I don’t understand something he says or wants right away and I have no idea how to soothe him. He can’t stand certain sensations in his skin like water from the shower or light touches. I can’t imagine exactly what it must be like and, if I really think about it, I don’t really know much about ADHD in general. I would love some advice and maybe some personal experiences to use as reference.",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,you significant other being angry and irritable,,,,True,202 eklymg,I am terrified of this,0,rant,4,,Malonthemage,1,0,4,2020-01-06 00:42:23,socialanxiety,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ei8khk,"If you really thinking about it we come into this world alone . Go through life alone , die alone",0,chitchat,1,"Yes we meet people throughout our life but they aren’t always with us. The only person who is with you all the time .. is yourself , it’s really weird to think about but yeah I guess we are all by ourself",jay-sid-,1,0,0,2019-12-31 20:44:32,depression,"Yes we meet people throughout our life but they aren’t always with us. The only person who is with you all the time .. is yourself , it’s really weird to think about but yeah I guess we are all by ourself",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,thought,True,000 epr2hm,Dysmorphia venting,1a,rant,1,"I'm feeling really frustrated. I __hate__ my face. I did this thing today where I had to send thirteen selfies over the duration of thirteen hours. I can't stand pictures but I'm terrible at saying no. I basically spent all day hurting myself in my own mind. They give me a perfect opportunity to zero in on my perceived flaws. I hate this fucking thing. I genuinely can't stand the look of myself and I'm just really sore inside and I feel horrible. I can't even bring myself to complain. I *know* it's an annoying thing to complain about. It makes me feel so stupid and vain just thinking about it. I'm still biting myself for agreeing to do that. I feel double the stupid for complaining here because I did it to myself. I went along and participated knowing full well I'd end the day upset. My chest feels weird and its pushing up into my throat. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I feel so ugly all the time.",DogTeeth_Val,1,0,0,2020-01-16 22:47:15,mentalillness,I'm feeling really frustrated. I __hate__ my face. I did this thing today where I had to send thirteen selfies over the duration of thirteen hours. I can't stand pictures but I'm terrible at saying no. I basically spent all day hurting myself in my own mind. They give me a perfect opportunity to zero in on my perceived flaws. I hate this fucking thing. I genuinely can't stand the look of myself and I'm just really sore inside and I feel horrible. I can't even bring myself to complain. I *know* it's an annoying thing to complain about. It makes me feel so stupid and vain just thinking about it. I'm still biting myself for agreeing to do that. I feel double the stupid for complaining here because I did it to myself. I went along and participated knowing full well I'd end the day upset. My chest feels weird and its pushing up into my throat. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I feel so ugly all the time.,1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you hate your face,,,What do you need help with now that X?,clicking selfies made you feel horrible,,True,120 em3bf7,"I'm emotionally unstable, need help soon. Please read.",1a,help-seeking,2,"**I'm NOT in an emergency at this moment.** No need to call 9-1-1- etc. BUT my mental health is declining rather rapidly and soon I don't know what I may do. I've been diagnosed with mental illness since I was 14 (I'm 27 now), and have been in therapy even before that. I'm autistic and socially inept so I've always been bullied a lot too. I've been to dozens of therapists and tried over 20 medications, including anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, mood stabilizers, you name it. Nothing has made me any better and my mental and emotional well being is at an all time low and only getting lower. I've aged out of my mom's insurance, and can't afford my own, so I'm without healthcare in the USA. Even when I did have it, there was little to none available in my area. I cannot afford to move. I feel like I have no options. I have a lot of issues bothering me lately and I'll describe them as best I can here. The biggest one is stress causing bad thoughts and emotional outbursts which leads to violence. I guess luckily I'm only 5'6"" and a weakling but my area is like 90% boomers and I'm legit scared I could accidentally kill an old lady (or my mom who I live with). It happens most at work. I need to work because my mom can't pay every bill on her own with her pension. I tried applying for disability several times and of course, nothing. The stress seems to cause me to have really bad thoughts that I can't control. Every single incident of someone bullying me, rejecting me. I get really upset. I've had violent outbursts before, luckily just at home or during my school years, but I feel them creeping up at work. I've already attacked my mom and destroyed furniture, but she wasn't hurt seriously. Our Christmas tree was destroyed though. Sometimes it happens due to online bullying (which is just getting worse each year), but also just intense jealousy that everyone has a better life than me and I have nothing. I can't seem to stop these invasive thoughts no matter what I do and I'm really afraid of killing someone else or myself when they get bad. I can't stop working either. I need access to any help I can get. If anyone reading this can help me, please do so.",xeverxsleepx,1,0,2,2020-01-09 02:40:52,mentalillness,"**I'm NOT in an emergency at this moment.** No need to call 9-1-1- etc. BUT my mental health is declining rather rapidly and soon I don't know what I may do. I've been diagnosed with mental illness since I was 14 (I'm 27 now), and have been in therapy even before that. I'm autistic and socially inept so I've always been bullied a lot too. I've been to dozens of therapists and tried over 20 medications, including anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, mood stabilizers, you name it. Nothing has made me any better and my mental and emotional well being is at an all time low and only getting lower. I've aged out of my mom's insurance, and can't afford my own, so I'm without healthcare in the USA. Even when I did have it, there was little to none available in my area. I cannot afford to move. I feel like I have no options. I have a lot of issues bothering me lately and I'll describe them as best I can here. The biggest one is stress causing bad thoughts and emotional outbursts which leads to violence. I guess luckily I'm only 5'6"" and a weakling but my area is like 90% boomers and I'm legit scared I could accidentally kill an old lady (or my mom who I live with). It happens most at work. I need to work because my mom can't pay every bill on her own with her pension. I tried applying for disability several times and of course, nothing. The stress seems to cause me to have really bad thoughts that I can't control. Every single incident of someone bullying me, rejecting me. I get really upset. I've had violent outbursts before, luckily just at home or during my school years, but I feel them creeping up at work. I've already attacked my mom and destroyed furniture, but she wasn't hurt seriously. Our Christmas tree was destroyed though. Sometimes it happens due to online bullying (which is just getting worse each year), but also just intense jealousy that everyone has a better life than me and I have nothing. I can't seem to stop these invasive thoughts no matter what I do and I'm really afraid of killing someone else or myself when they get bad. I can't stop working either. I need access to any help I can get. If anyone reading this can help me, please do so.",2,2,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you control the invasive thoughts,,True,221 ej143o,First holiday on meds,0,chitchat,1,"My family is Italian, loud and over bearing. I would immediately get overwhelmed just go over there and I would become agitated and nasty and I wouldn’t even mean to be like that. I had zero patience for anything at all and I was always asked what my problem was or why I was in a bad mood. I started Vyvanse about a month ago and what a world of difference. I am patient, calm and I don’t get overwhelmed easily. All of these great things also means that I’m not an agitated mess 24/7. For the first time, I felt relaxed and I was just able to enjoy the holidays and being with everyone and all of the commotion and noise. Life changing!",five_moreminutes,1,0,1,2020-01-02 17:23:37,ADHD,"My family is Italian, loud and over bearing. I would immediately get overwhelmed just go over there and I would become agitated and nasty and I wouldn’t even mean to be like that. I had zero patience for anything at all and I was always asked what my problem was or why I was in a bad mood. I started Vyvanse about a month ago and what a world of difference. I am patient, calm and I don’t get overwhelmed easily. All of these great things also means that I’m not an agitated mess 24/7. For the first time, I felt relaxed and I was just able to enjoy the holidays and being with everyone and all of the commotion and noise. Life changing!",2,2,0,,,,,,,,True,220 eib8nq,New Years Blues,1a,rant,1,"I so much want to feel optimistic about the New Year... but I’m just plain sad. I’m alone for the night-not that I’d be doing anything crazy anyways. I’m chronically ill, disabled, don’t have many friends. As weird as it sounds, I wish I just had someone here to go to sleep early with tonight. Fall asleep on the couch playing video games or watching a movie..idk I’m lame 😒",RogueGamerFoxx,1,0,2,2020-01-01 00:18:43,sad,"I so much want to feel optimistic about the New Year... but I’m just plain sad. I’m alone for the night-not that I’d be doing anything crazy anyways. I’m chronically ill, disabled, don’t have many friends. As weird as it sounds, I wish I just had someone here to go to sleep early with tonight. Fall asleep on the couch playing video games or watching a movie..idk I’m lame 😒",1,1,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you are alone ,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you felt about new year,,,,True,112 eoml3r,I want to snap out of this depressive episode but I keep caving into unproductive thoughts and inaction,1a,help-seeking,1,"How do I stop? I know I hypothetically could just stop, but I'm not. Do I want to fail? I'm seeing a therapist and last session she suggested that maybe I want to feel sad, and that's been bugging me all week.",tiny_specks,1,0,10,2020-01-14 15:18:52,getting_over_it,"I want to snap out of this depressive episode but I keep caving into unproductive thoughts and inaction How do I stop? I know I hypothetically could just stop, but I'm not. Do I want to fail? I'm seeing a therapist and last session she suggested that maybe I want to feel sad, and that's been bugging me all week.",1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your depressive episode,How did X make you feel?,the depressive episode,,,,True,102 eiu8mf,New Year's Resolutions,0,chitchat,1,"Today will (hopefully) be the last time I self harm, this chapter of my life is over. Have a happy new year!",TimelyResolve,1,0,6,2020-01-02 05:55:02,selfharm,"Today will (hopefully) be the last time I self harm, this chapter of my life is over. Have a happy new year!",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 eir7fs,Anxious to even make a therapy appointment,1a,rant,1,I can’t get myself to just schedule an appointment. I am scared my insurance won’t cover it and will leave me with a massive medical bill and I can’t get myself to call the insurance company. I’ve considered having my mom or husband make an appointment for me but I just don’t know where to start. I feel like I’m shutting down now just at the thought of preparing myself to go.,lilmoy,1,0,2,2020-01-02 01:35:13,Anxiety,I can’t get myself to just schedule an appointment. I am scared my insurance won’t cover it and will leave me with a massive medical bill and I can’t get myself to call the insurance company. I’ve considered having my mom or husband make an appointment for me but I just don’t know where to start. I feel like I’m shutting down now just at the thought of preparing myself to go.,1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you want therapy,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are afraid that insurance won't cover your expenses,,True,120 enu0xl,Tmr my bday. Also the day my dealer reups. I'll be 14 days clean,0,chitchat,1,I know just doing it one or 2 times never works but my goodness the stars aligned. For my work I get to have my bday off and it just so happens my legit pharm op40s are coming in. I get my op40s for $20 so it's insane deal. Ug. Please let me just be able to enjoy a day or 2 and go back to fighting the good fight. #endvent,TomorrowNeverCumz,1,0,1,2020-01-12 21:45:51,OpiatesRecovery,I know just doing it one or 2 times never works but my goodness the stars aligned. For my work I get to have my bday off and it just so happens my legit pharm op40s are coming in. I get my op40s for $20 so it's insane deal. Ug. Please let me just be able to enjoy a day or 2 and go back to fighting the good fight. #endvent,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 eibb6g,Shitty comment ruined my day,1b,rant,1,"I was walking around at the local mall looking for my family and some random girl I didn't even look at yelled out ""creepy"" while walking past me. I was having an okay day until then and I've just been ruined since. I don't even want to try to go out tonight anymore... I just feel like shit. Im sensitive to this shit and I wish I wasn't.",rastaputin,1,0,55,2020-01-01 00:24:27,depression,"I was walking around at the local mall looking for my family and some random girl I didn't even look at yelled out ""creepy"" while walking past me. I was having an okay day until then and I've just been ruined since. I don't even want to try to go out tonight anymore... I just feel like shit. Im sensitive to this shit and I wish I wasn't.",2,1,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about the girl's comment,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel upset by the comment,,True,210 eiayp6,I think YouTube wants me to kill myself. wtf? I need to rant.,1b,rant,2,"I don't consider myself the type to post things like this. I can't believe what just happened. I don't know if it is some freak coincidence but I kind of doubt it. To be clear I am not in any danger and I'm not going to harm myself. I log on to YouTube today and one of the first things I see under recommended is a documentary called The Bridge. It's about people killing themselves by throwing themselves off of the Golden Gate Bridge. Within the first few minutes there is a graphic video of a man jumping to his death. I've been fighting depression for almost a decade now. It was very severe for a few years. While I am a lot better I feel like the severity of the experience did permanent damage and I'll be coping with this condition for the rest of my life. I watch YouTube for some bullshit stuff, like top 10 lists, pop culture stuff and whatever. I watch a lot of injury recovery/physical therapy type of videos as well as videos about how to improve your social interactions and deal with difficult relationships and social situations. I would imagine for anyone paying attention they might figure out that there is a theme to my watching habits and that I am struggling with some physical and emotional issues. I can't believe that YouTube would recommend a video about people committing suicide to a person like myself and on New Year's Eve no less. This is a difficult time of year for a lot of people. I fucking hate social media sometimes. This just seems nefarious. To make matters worse, earlier this year I discovered that the singer of one of my favorite bands had killed himself a few years prior by throwing himself off a bridge after dealing with depression for many years. He even wrote a horribly graphic song about killing himself and throwing himself off that very bridge years before he ended his life. It hit me pretty hard when I found this out. I remember listening to his songs that were clearly written about his struggles with depression and thinking ""I hope he makes it."" I didn't realize I was listening to songs written by a dead man. I've watched one or two of the band's videos on YouTube. I'm just going to assume that particular part is a shitty coincidence. Fortunately I'm too disgusted and angry to be depressed about having a video about suicide recommended to me today of all days after I've spent years viewing self help videos and trying to pull myself out of this hole. I just needed to rant. I'm truly sorry if anyone has experienced anything like this. Depression sucks ass. One of my favorite lyrics was ""I feel better, and better and worse and then better."" Stay strong. Happy New Year (hopefully a better year for all).",TuPacarana,1,0,6,2019-12-31 23:57:12,depression,"I don't consider myself the type to post things like this. I can't believe what just happened. I don't know if it is some freak coincidence but I kind of doubt it. To be clear I am not in any danger and I'm not going to harm myself. I log on to YouTube today and one of the first things I see under recommended is a documentary called The Bridge. It's about people killing themselves by throwing themselves off of the Golden Gate Bridge. Within the first few minutes there is a graphic video of a man jumping to his death. I've been fighting depression for almost a decade now. It was very severe for a few years. While I am a lot better I feel like the severity of the experience did permanent damage and I'll be coping with this condition for the rest of my life. I watch YouTube for some bullshit stuff, like top 10 lists, pop culture stuff and whatever. I watch a lot of injury recovery/physical therapy type of videos as well as videos about how to improve your social interactions and deal with difficult relationships and social situations. I would imagine for anyone paying attention they might figure out that there is a theme to my watching habits and that I am struggling with some physical and emotional issues. I can't believe that YouTube would recommend a video about people committing suicide to a person like myself and on New Year's Eve no less. This is a difficult time of year for a lot of people. I fucking hate social media sometimes. This just seems nefarious. To make matters worse, earlier this year I discovered that the singer of one of my favorite bands had killed himself a few years prior by throwing himself off a bridge after dealing with depression for many years. He even wrote a horribly graphic song about killing himself and throwing himself off that very bridge years before he ended his life. It hit me pretty hard when I found this out. I remember listening to his songs that were clearly written about his struggles with depression and thinking ""I hope he makes it."" I didn't realize I was listening to songs written by a dead man. I've watched one or two of the band's videos on YouTube. I'm just going to assume that particular part is a shitty coincidence. Fortunately I'm too disgusted and angry to be depressed about having a video about suicide recommended to me today of all days after I've spent years viewing self help videos and trying to pull myself out of this hole. I just needed to rant. I'm truly sorry if anyone has experienced anything like this. Depression sucks ass. One of my favorite lyrics was ""I feel better, and better and worse and then better."" Stay strong. Happy New Year (hopefully a better year for all).",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 ek7082,I finally told my mom the other day.,0,help-seeking,1,"I've known I have PTSD of abandonment since early September of last year, but I just very recently worked up the courage to let my mom know. I don't fully know why I was so reluctant to let her know. I think it was partially fear of being judged, and partially a worry that her knowing that I have PTSD would make her feel bad; she did everything she could for me growing up, and watching me after my dad left and then again when my sister left was very hard on her. I'm a very private person, and now that she knows, I'm not 100% sure how I feel about it (the only reason I even feel okay posting here is because it's anonymous! haha). She took it pretty well - so I suppose I should chalk it up to a success. Should I go about telling other people now? Is it necessary, or to my benefit? Or am I better off with people not knowing? If you read this, thanks 😅",the_littlest_blep,3,0,9,2020-01-05 02:59:32,ptsd," I finally told my mom the other day. I've known I have PTSD of abandonment since early September of last year, but I just very recently worked up the courage to let my mom know. I don't fully know why I was so reluctant to let her know. I think it was partially fear of being judged, and partially a worry that her knowing that I have PTSD would make her feel bad; she did everything she could for me growing up, and watching me after my dad left and then again when my sister left was very hard on her. I'm a very private person, and now that she knows, I'm not 100% sure how I feel about it (the only reason I even feel okay posting here is because it's anonymous! haha). She took it pretty well - so I suppose I should chalk it up to a success. Should I go about telling other people now? Is it necessary, or to my benefit? Or am I better off with people not knowing? If you read this, thanks ",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 f76civ,Can My Abuser Have PTSD From Him Abusing Me,1b,help-seeking,1,My abuser has a PTSD diagnosis and threatens to use it against me. I believe he has trauma - could this be my fault even though I was the one who was afraid for my life?,LailaMoon987,1,0,24,2020-02-21 05:14:22,domesticviolence,My abuser has a PTSD diagnosis and threatens to use it against me. I believe he has trauma - could this be my fault even though I was the one who was afraid for my life?,1,0,1,Can you elaborate more on X ?,abuser's trauma,How did X make you feel?,your abuser's threats,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you deal with your abuser,,True,101 fkgale,How to not want to die?,1a,help-seeking,1,"At the end of the day, I just don't want to be alive. There is no reasoning I can think of that makes me want to be here. I know if the world (my first world at least) were a harder place, or if we didn't have modern medicine, I would not be alive. And that feels... right and good. Like I was never supposed to live this long. Like it would've been this huge relief to have never been born or have died young. I feel this way when I'm happy. When I'm sad. When I'm angry, excited, all the time. Nothing is worth being alive for. And I've felt this way forever. Does that ever change?",meadowcap,1,0,12,2020-03-18 00:25:44,getting_over_it,"At the end of the day, I just don't want to be alive. There is no reasoning I can think of that makes me want to be here. I know if the world (my first world at least) were a harder place, or if we didn't have modern medicine, I would not be alive. And that feels... right and good. Like I was never supposed to live this long. Like it would've been this huge relief to have never been born or have died young. I feel this way when I'm happy. When I'm sad. When I'm angry, excited, all the time. Nothing is worth being alive for. And I've felt this way forever. Does that ever change?",0,2,0,What made you feel X ?,that there is no reason to be alive,,,What can help you overcome X ?,this feeling of not wanting to live longer,,True,020 eikben,Existential anxiety associated with big events,0,survey,1,"Warning: existentialism Does anyone else slip into an anxiety episode when there’s a big celebration like prom, weddings, big anniversary, or New Years? I think the thought of us all having the “time of our lives” to something rather insignificant in the grand scheme of things reminds me of how meaningless our human lives are. Of course is a complete buzzkill and I wish I didn’t think this way. Anyone else do this or have overcome this kind of episode trigger?",mrs-smurf,1,0,3,2020-01-01 16:43:34,Anxiety,"Warning: existentialism Does anyone else slip into an anxiety episode when there’s a big celebration like prom, weddings, big anniversary, or New Years? I think the thought of us all having the “time of our lives” to something rather insignificant in the grand scheme of things reminds me of how meaningless our human lives are. Of course is a complete buzzkill and I wish I didn’t think this way. Anyone else do this or have overcome this kind of episode trigger?",1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what makes you anxious at big events,How did X make you feel?,the thoughts,,,,True,102 eixov8,I think I triggered my Mum by accident.,1b,rant,1,"I was watching the Netflix show You last night (spoilers) and in one of the final episodes Joe (lil kid) asks his mum why she kept going back to his abusive Dad over and over again and his Mum said, “Because you needed a Dad. I wanted you to have a Dad.” After a pause my Mum got up and made herself and my Nan a drink and I had emotional flashbacks for a bit. Still feeling the affect now a bit but I want to know my Mum was and is okay but I can’t without triggering her more. I hate this.",TwitchyNotes,1,0,4,2020-01-02 12:33:10,ptsd,"I was watching the Netflix show You last night (spoilers) and in one of the final episodes Joe (lil kid) asks his mum why she kept going back to his abusive Dad over and over again and his Mum said, “Because you needed a Dad. I wanted you to have a Dad.” After a pause my Mum got up and made herself and my Nan a drink and I had emotional flashbacks for a bit. Still feeling the affect now a bit but I want to know my Mum was and is okay but I can’t without triggering her more. I hate this.",1,1,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your emotional flashback,Can you elaborate more on X ?,the netflix show make you feel,What do you need help with now that X?,you had a flashback after watching the show,,True,110 eiaz7h,"New year, old memories, still expectations..",1a,rant,1,"Its 2020 right now and i know i should let go of the past,, but instead I'm remembering everything thst went wrong this year. Ive been clean for the last 27 days.. Its so fucking hard, especially now. This is just a distraction for me so sorry)) Everyone has all these expectations of me, like passing my exams or like driving a car for the first time, get a SO etc.. All these things that dont even matter to me. All i can think about is how miserable life is... In about 2 months i have an appointment with a psychiatrist, I'm getting help. I just need to get through the next 2 months.. This is my chance of finding the things i want to achieve and not what everyone expects me to if that makes any sence Gudbye kind strangers,, hope this year will be good too all of you",Holy-Jesus-Christ,1,0,3,2019-12-31 23:58:22,selfharm,"Its 2020 right now and i know i should let go of the past,, but instead I'm remembering everything thst went wrong this year. Ive been clean for the last 27 days.. Its so fucking hard, especially now. This is just a distraction for me so sorry)) Everyone has all these expectations of me, like passing my exams or like driving a car for the first time, get a SO etc.. All these things that dont even matter to me. All i can think about is how miserable life is... In about 2 months i have an appointment with a psychiatrist, I'm getting help. I just need to get through the next 2 months.. This is my chance of finding the things i want to achieve and not what everyone expects me to if that makes any sence Gudbye kind strangers,, hope this year will be good too all of you",2,0,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,the old memories,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what will help you get by the 2 months,,True,201 f7lwzf,"Struggling with two types of anger, is this normal or even treatable?",1a,help-seeking,2,"Basically, I have a constant layer if anger as a baseline under whatever emotion or lack of emotion I'm feeling at the time. Like a cold toiling magma under a mantel. This inam getting used to but its causing a lot of issues the most apparent being it makes it impossible to relax or wind down. I'm always highly strung as if a fights about to start. This used to not be too bad as a young kid until I got emotionally detached from everything but anger for almost a decade due to a rough year. The second type builds off this, the smallest thing can cause my anger to flare even just lyrics and leave me enraged temporarily. It turns any fun activity in a test of patience and adds to other health issues to ruin everything I try to enjoy. Thankfully I have get very used ti suppressing my emotions and wont lash out at others but it has led to me damaging myself just to ground myself and feel something other than anger. It also leads to blacking out and dissociation when in a fight/lose my grip on it and it triggers adrenaline very very easily which messes with my circulation. So my question is, is any of this normal to have two main, one constant the other easily triggered, forms of anger and is there any advise anyone has to controlling it. I've tried martial arts, meditating, doodling, music and even have dabbled in exercise and boxing.",DnD-NewGuy,1,0,2,2020-02-22 02:11:28,Anger,"Basically, I have a constant layer if anger as a baseline under whatever emotion or lack of emotion I'm feeling at the time. Like a cold toiling magma under a mantel. This inam getting used to but its causing a lot of issues the most apparent being it makes it impossible to relax or wind down. I'm always highly strung as if a fights about to start. This used to not be too bad as a young kid until I got emotionally detached from everything but anger for almost a decade due to a rough year. The second type builds off this, the smallest thing can cause my anger to flare even just lyrics and leave me enraged temporarily. It turns any fun activity in a test of patience and adds to other health issues to ruin everything I try to enjoy. Thankfully I have get very used ti suppressing my emotions and wont lash out at others but it has led to me damaging myself just to ground myself and feel something other than anger. It also leads to blacking out and dissociation when in a fight/lose my grip on it and it triggers adrenaline very very easily which messes with my circulation. So my question is, is any of this normal to have two main, one constant the other easily triggered, forms of anger and is there any advise anyone has to controlling it. I've tried martial arts, meditating, doodling, music and even have dabbled in exercise and boxing.",2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,all the anger,,,,True,202 emtjka,"tried to kill myself, accidentally hinted at it too much and then when asked about it i couldn’t bring myself to tell people because i didn’t want to hurt them more",1a,rant,1,"i fucked up. for some reason everyone seems to have shut me out. my ex partner seems angry i did this but i was hurting and i didn’t want to admit our breakup pushed me to this point. i am entirely a burden. i’m going to wait a week and then probably take my life properly. i look forward to not hurting those around me directly. i know they’ll be so upset and heartbroken if i’m gone, but it’s better than making them watch me perish away like this. i feel really bad i put everyone in a position where they were worried about me. i wish i could just tell them straight up that i was struggling and did try to take my own life. but it felt unsafe and i especially didn’t want to admit it to the ex partner, because it already seemed to break them and i didn’t want to break them more by telling them it was true. i hope by leaving their lives, i can stop burdening them and stop being such a liability and disgusting, ill mess of a responsibility. i’ve ruined all their lives already. i fucked everything up so bad.",nwaisou,1,0,1,2020-01-10 16:45:34,mentalillness,"tried to kill myself, accidentally hinted at it too much and then when asked about it i couldn’t bring myself to tell people because i didn’t want to hurt them more i fucked up. for some reason everyone seems to have shut me out. my ex partner seems angry i did this but i was hurting and i didn’t want to admit our breakup pushed me to this point. i am entirely a burden. i’m going to wait a week and then probably take my life properly. i look forward to not hurting those around me directly. i know they’ll be so upset and heartbroken if i’m gone, but it’s better than making them watch me perish away like this. i feel really bad i put everyone in a position where they were worried about me. i wish i could just tell them straight up that i was struggling and did try to take my own life. but it felt unsafe and i especially didn’t want to admit it to the ex partner, because it already seemed to break them and i didn’t want to break them more by telling them it was true. i hope by leaving their lives, i can stop burdening them and stop being such a liability and disgusting, ill mess of a responsibility. i’ve ruined all their lives already. i fucked everything up so bad.",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you tried to kill yourself,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel bad about what you did,"suicidal,title",True,120 emlzhr,The writers of the big book did an incredible job,0,chitchat,1,"It's a shame that misconceptions I had about AA kept me away from it for so long. The use of the word God, talk that it's a cult. I'm glad I received the gift of desperation and found AA though. The big book is one of the most amazingly crafted documents this side of the Bible, and like the Bible you have to work through it with other people to even begin to really grasp it. So I guess it seems like a cult in that it requires initiation and oral tradition. Gimme a break. Anyways I love how noplace in the book does it even say you should stop drinking! All it is, is a set of suggestions, that you can follow if you want to stay sober. Take it or leave it! You have no obligation. To see new people come in with the same misconceptions that I did, so consistently, is frustrating.",screamifyouredriving,1,0,12,2020-01-10 04:41:43,alcoholicsanonymous,"It's a shame that misconceptions I had about AA kept me away from it for so long. The use of the word God, talk that it's a cult. I'm glad I received the gift of desperation and found AA though. The big book is one of the most amazingly crafted documents this side of the Bible, and like the Bible you have to work through it with other people to even begin to really grasp it. So I guess it seems like a cult in that it requires initiation and oral tradition. Gimme a break. Anyways I love how noplace in the book does it even say you should stop drinking! All it is, is a set of suggestions, that you can follow if you want to stay sober. Take it or leave it! You have no obligation. To see new people come in with the same misconceptions that I did, so consistently, is frustrating.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 emd5ft,"How do I deal with a "" bully "" without actually hurting him?",1a,help-seeking,1,"There's one dude that continuously picks on my friends group, me especially, trying to be funny. I'm doing internship, and I'll be stuck with this guy for 2 months, we're on our 3rd day and I already can't stand him anymore. I'm ashamed to admit I have a history of violent backlashes to this type of stuff ( risked being kicked out multiple times back in high school ), but that happened when I was young, I'm grown now, I don't want it to happen again. I don't wanna hurt this guy, especially since I'm in nursing school and I should be helping people, not the opposite. After a long afternoon of thinking, I really can't think of a scenario where I wouldn't lose my cool, so I'm asking here, hoping for some help Thanks in advance, it might sound stupid, but means a lot to me, I really don't wanna resort to violence ever again in my life",Liveeeh,1,0,16,2020-01-09 17:48:17,Anger,"There's one dude that continuously picks on my friends group, me especially, trying to be funny. I'm doing internship, and I'll be stuck with this guy for 2 months, we're on our 3rd day and I already can't stand him anymore. I'm ashamed to admit I have a history of violent backlashes to this type of stuff ( risked being kicked out multiple times back in high school ), but that happened when I was young, I'm grown now, I don't want it to happen again. I don't wanna hurt this guy, especially since I'm in nursing school and I should be helping people, not the opposite. After a long afternoon of thinking, I really can't think of a scenario where I wouldn't lose my cool, so I'm asking here, hoping for some help Thanks in advance, it might sound stupid, but means a lot to me, I really don't wanna resort to violence ever again in my life",2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,the bully,,,,True,202 emqv4g,I’m addicted to risky sex situations and I want to stop,1a,help-seeking,2,"I keep doing this to myself. I say that I never will do a crazy night hookup and then I pull myself back into it. I download the same apps looking for the same sketchy people to have some form of sex. I’ve been already worried I had an STD from months ago and now I’ve just had sex again with a complete stranger. It’s not safe my health or mental state and I want to quit it. I don’t want desperation to be what drives my sexual appetite. I believe it stems from my porn use from such a young age since I’ve been watching porn since 13 and it’s only gotten increasingly disturbing in what attracts me and what i masturbate to. I’ve said this a lot of times but this time I need to work on it. I’m done with on the fling hookups controlled only by my desperation and impulse when I feel at my most stressed/rejected. I need all the help I can get, is there anyway I can stop myself from downloading that app",LionDinner200,1,0,32,2020-01-10 13:24:17,addiction,"I keep doing this to myself. I say that I never will do a crazy night hookup and then I pull myself back into it. I download the same apps looking for the same sketchy people to have some form of sex. I’ve been already worried I had an STD from months ago and now I’ve just had sex again with a complete stranger. It’s not safe my health or mental state and I want to quit it. I don’t want desperation to be what drives my sexual appetite. I believe it stems from my porn use from such a young age since I’ve been watching porn since 13 and it’s only gotten increasingly disturbing in what attracts me and what i masturbate to. I’ve said this a lot of times but this time I need to work on it. I’m done with on the fling hookups controlled only by my desperation and impulse when I feel at my most stressed/rejected. I need all the help I can get, is there anyway I can stop myself from downloading that app",2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,having risky sex,,,,True,202 f2eu0q,To tell work or not to tell work?,0,help-seeking,1,"Hey everybody, first time posting here, but I have a question: I (24F) am currently moving forward with my sexual assault case and the legal proceedings. I don't know how demanding it will be or if it will take time away from work. Should I let my work know what's going on ahead of time and that I am going through this (just in case it disrupts my productivity at work)?",littlerednied,1,0,3,2020-02-11 20:54:14,rapecounseling,"Hey everybody, first time posting here, but I have a question: I (24F) am currently moving forward with my sexual assault case and the legal proceedings. I don't know how demanding it will be or if it will take time away from work. Should I let my work know what's going on ahead of time and that I am going through this (just in case it disrupts my productivity at work)?",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,moving with the legal proceedings,,,,True,202 eiyenx,Obsession Bursts,0,survey,1,"I have a tendancy to get onto these ""kicks"" where I find a subject, and obsessively consume any material I can possibly find on that subject. At any given time I may be on one or two kicks. Maybe it's tool restoration, egypt and ancient civilizations, conspiracy theories, Friends, cults, frugal living, any number of things. The kicks can last anywhere from a week to several months. I used to hate this, feeling like I couldn't form an identity because I don't carry any hobbies or interests through the long term. But after being diagnosed and understanding these kicks a little more, i've come to love and embrace them fully. Currently i'm on a Star Wars kick and also the Duggar family. My last few months have been filled with all the movies, making of documentaries, interviews, etc. I love it. What kick are you on right now?",bitchynerd,1,0,7,2020-01-02 13:45:27,ADHD,"I have a tendancy to get onto these ""kicks"" where I find a subject, and obsessively consume any material I can possibly find on that subject. At any given time I may be on one or two kicks. Maybe it's tool restoration, egypt and ancient civilizations, conspiracy theories, Friends, cults, frugal living, any number of things. The kicks can last anywhere from a week to several months. I used to hate this, feeling like I couldn't form an identity because I don't carry any hobbies or interests through the long term. But after being diagnosed and understanding these kicks a little more, i've come to love and embrace them fully. Currently i'm on a Star Wars kick and also the Duggar family. My last few months have been filled with all the movies, making of documentaries, interviews, etc. I love it. What kick are you on right now?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 et9iaw,Losing streak on movile game makes me furious....and saying that sentence outloud makes me feel angrier,1a,rant,3,"I play a game on my phone called Marvel Contest of Champions. It is basically a fighting game with Marvel and Xmen characters. you collect characters and rank them up to make them stronger. while there is alot of solo content, there is a team coponent as well (called an allience). One aspect of the game is called Allience war. basically two teams will place certain characters on defence in order to prevent the other team from completeting a board path. the goal is for the offence to complete the board while preventing the other team from doing so. there wars are broken off into one minth seasons, whith a few weeks of off season in between. the better your team does, the better the rewards are at the end of the season. now on the past 35 days between 10 wars...we have only won 1 war. We had a 7 game losing streak the end of last season. We won our first war of the currebt season but lost the next two....probably going to lose the one we are in now. keep in mind...there is a 24 hourbdefenderb placement period and a 24 hour attack period...so it takes 48 hours for one war. they they only occur wednesday-monday morning. we have tried multiple strategies to have more cosntant wins but no matter what we do we keep losing. now my confodence is shaken and my characters are dying sooner than before which is going to make us lose again the fact that i am so worked up on this one aspect of a mobile game makes me feel pathetoc...i have more important things to be mad about but now tvis",GreatAndPowerfulKoz,1,0,2,2020-01-24 12:03:22,Anger,"I play a game on my phone called Marvel Contest of Champions. It is basically a fighting game with Marvel and Xmen characters. you collect characters and rank them up to make them stronger. while there is alot of solo content, there is a team coponent as well (called an allience). One aspect of the game is called Allience war. basically two teams will place certain characters on defence in order to prevent the other team from completeting a board path. the goal is for the offence to complete the board while preventing the other team from doing so. there wars are broken off into one minth seasons, whith a few weeks of off season in between. the better your team does, the better the rewards are at the end of the season. now on the past 35 days between 10 wars...we have only won 1 war. We had a 7 game losing streak the end of last season. We won our first war of the currebt season but lost the next two....probably going to lose the one we are in now. keep in mind...there is a 24 hourbdefenderb placement period and a 24 hour attack period...so it takes 48 hours for one war. they they only occur wednesday-monday morning. we have tried multiple strategies to have more cosntant wins but no matter what we do we keep losing. now my confodence is shaken and my characters are dying sooner than before which is going to make us lose again the fact that i am so worked up on this one aspect of a mobile game makes me feel pathetoc...i have more important things to be mad about but now tvis",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel angry over a game,,True,220 ekk4mz,I hear a man yelling at me,1b,survey,1,"At random moments, I hear this guy yelling at me and it makes me scared of whoever is next to me. I feel scared that those people are mad at me. The yelling comes out of nowhere and it’s getting really tiring. I can’t go out and enjoy my friends. Is this a ptsd symptom and if so, has anyone else had the same experience?",annaliqiao,1,0,4,2020-01-05 22:30:36,ptsd,"At random moments, I hear this guy yelling at me and it makes me scared of whoever is next to me. I feel scared that those people are mad at me. The yelling comes out of nowhere and it’s getting really tiring. I can’t go out and enjoy my friends. Is this a ptsd symptom and if so, has anyone else had the same experience?",2,1,2,,,,,,,,True,212 eixnan,I am so exhausted,1a,rant,2,"I am incredibly tired, just tired. Even the most mundane, normal every day tasks are incredibly difficult. The holidays were so busy, i wasn’t home a lot. I just had a day off and before that, I had Saturday off....but I’m still tired of existing. There’s something so wrong with me, I’m so lazy. I just want to scream and cry and throw a big childish tantrum that I have to get up at 5am -as I do every day - and go to work. I can’t help feeling so incredibly angry about having to go to work, and afterwards go to coffee with a friend and go to therapy. I won’t be home until 5pm and I wish I didn’t make commitments because now all I want to do is go home and crawl into bed. Literally, I am wasting my own life away. I don’t want my life to be over, but I can’t bring myself to want to or even have the energy to do the things I have to do or actually do the things I enjoy. I hate this life, I hate feeling this way, and I just feel like it’s never going to get better. What kind of life is it where I can’t even bring myself to have the energy to get something to eat for breakfast every day, in fact my boyfriend has to get it for me and make me eat or I won’t? Who wants to cry and complain and throw a tantrum in their head every time they wake up in the morning? Or want to go home and do absolutely nothing other than scroll reddit or tiktok for hours instead of catch up with a friend they haven’t seen in weeks? I feel so awful, im wasting away at my life, making our life harder on my boyfriend who has to do the things I won’t and deal with me basically sitting on the couch like a lump, ignoring him because I have no idea how to make a conversation with him since I don’t do anything and I can’t think straight to figure out what to talk about. Am I a lazy piece of crap or is this my ADHD making me feel like I want to just drag myself through my life? How do I make this better? I can’t live like this anymore.",winds0fchange19,1,0,1,2020-01-02 12:28:22,ADHD,"I am incredibly tired, just tired. Even the most mundane, normal every day tasks are incredibly difficult. The holidays were so busy, i wasn’t home a lot. I just had a day off and before that, I had Saturday off....but I’m still tired of existing. There’s something so wrong with me, I’m so lazy. I just want to scream and cry and throw a big childish tantrum that I have to get up at 5am -as I do every day - and go to work. I can’t help feeling so incredibly angry about having to go to work, and afterwards go to coffee with a friend and go to therapy. I won’t be home until 5pm and I wish I didn’t make commitments because now all I want to do is go home and crawl into bed. Literally, I am wasting my own life away. I don’t want my life to be over, but I can’t bring myself to want to or even have the energy to do the things I have to do or actually do the things I enjoy. I hate this life, I hate feeling this way, and I just feel like it’s never going to get better. What kind of life is it where I can’t even bring myself to have the energy to get something to eat for breakfast every day, in fact my boyfriend has to get it for me and make me eat or I won’t? Who wants to cry and complain and throw a tantrum in their head every time they wake up in the morning? Or want to go home and do absolutely nothing other than scroll reddit or tiktok for hours instead of catch up with a friend they haven’t seen in weeks? I feel so awful, im wasting away at my life, making our life harder on my boyfriend who has to do the things I won’t and deal with me basically sitting on the couch like a lump, ignoring him because I have no idea how to make a conversation with him since I don’t do anything and I can’t think straight to figure out what to talk about. Am I a lazy piece of crap or is this my ADHD making me feel like I want to just drag myself through my life? How do I make this better? I can’t live like this anymore.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eiag9b,anyone else just crying in bed at new year?,0,survey,1,"i'm feeling very depressed and i'm just here crying in my bed while everyone is out partying and having a wonderful time (which i'm glad, just want that too :/ ) and yeah am i the only one lol, happy new year i guess",suicideherewegoagane,1,0,0,2019-12-31 23:15:53,depression,"i'm feeling very depressed and i'm just here crying in my bed while everyone is out partying and having a wonderful time (which i'm glad, just want that too :/ ) and yeah am i the only one lol, happy new year i guess",0,1,0,What made you feel X ?,depressed and sad,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you were feeling on new year ,What can help you overcome X ?,depressive feeling,,True,010 eqkrjh,for any of you struggling right now:,0,survey,1,,burningsage3,1,0,0,2020-01-18 19:09:46,selfhelp,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 ej3bm6,How often and what do you borrow from friends/family?,0,survey,1,"Forgetting the important things (socks, underwear, toothbrush, deodorant, hairbrush, etc) comes with ADHD. Whenever I come home for holidays I forget to bring enough socks and underwear or forget to do my laundry... is it weird to borrow socks and underwear from, like, my mom? She says she is okay with it but still, is that weird? I feel like it might be weird. I don’t know whether to borrow hers and feel like a guilty weirdo or REWEAR MINE and also feel like a guilty weirdo.",hikingmargothedstryr,1,0,18,2020-01-02 20:00:04,ADHD,"Forgetting the important things (socks, underwear, toothbrush, deodorant, hairbrush, etc) comes with ADHD. Whenever I come home for holidays I forget to bring enough socks and underwear or forget to do my laundry... is it weird to borrow socks and underwear from, like, my mom? She says she is okay with it but still, is that weird? I feel like it might be weird. I don’t know whether to borrow hers and feel like a guilty weirdo or REWEAR MINE and also feel like a guilty weirdo.",2,2,0,,,,,,,,True,220 eio98v,Need advice/reassurance!,1b,help-seeking,2,"So, I am going to give a little backstory. My family has literally moved around the country since I was little. We get bored of places and just pack up and move and for the most part its really exciting. But about 9 years ago we moved to Ohio and I fell in love. I was there for 6 years and in that 6 years I met my now husband. After the 6 years we moved to Arizona, then back to Ohio, then my family wanted to go back to our hometown of Chicago and my husband and I stayed in Ohio. Then after like 6 months we started missing them so we came up to Chicago for about 6 months and then we went back to Ohio after found a really nice house. This was January of 2019. Around May 2019 I started having extreme anxiety and DP and I struggled, like A LOT. We got married in August and in Oct we found out we were expecting. Now, I do not have family in OH so I really liked the idea of raising our child in CHI with my family. So, we moved around thanksgiving. We found out we lost the baby about a week later. Which obviously did not at all help my anxiety. &#x200B; NOW This is my problem. We moved to CHI so that I could be closer to family for the baby. I love my family and we are very close but my mom made a good point about a week ago. She said ""I'm surprised you haven't moved back to Ohio by now."" And something just clicked. I was like, yeah why haven't we? My husband had a really awesome job in OH that he LOVES. And his boss literally told him to come back whenever we wanted, that it would always be there for him. And like I said, as much as I love my family, I am much happier in OH. I have lots of friends, and I have my own space. Right now, my husband and I are living in the basement of a house with SEVEN people in it. We don't even have our own bed, we take turns with my dad sleeping in a bed, and then switched to an air mattress. I am losing my fucking mind in this house. We literally can't do anything with someone always badgering us about money, where were going, this and that. I cant take it. I really want to tell my dad that I want to move back but I am so scared and I don't even know why. I am so anxious about the whole situation. I know that I need to do whats best for me and my husband as well as my mental health, but I am just scared that I will disappoint him bc this would be the second time I am telling him I want to move back to OH. The first time he was so supportive, but for some reason, I just feel like he is going to flip out. My anxiety is just telling me not to say anything, but my husband called his former boss, and his boss said he needed someone by the beginning of FEB and that the pay would be double than last time. Obviously we keep moving there for a reason, so WHAT DO I DO.",dakotttaaaaaaaaaa,1,0,1,2020-01-01 21:41:42,Anxiety,"So, I am going to give a little backstory. My family has literally moved around the country since I was little.We get bored of places and just pack up and move and for the most part its really exciting. But about 9 years ago we moved to Ohio and I fell in love. I was there for 6 years and in that 6 years I met my now husband. After the 6 years we moved to Arizona, then back to Ohio, then my family wanted to go back to our hometown of Chicago and my husband and I stayed in Ohio. Then after like 6 months we started missing them so we came up to Chicago for about 6 months and then we went back to Ohio after found a really nice house. This was January of 2019. Around May 2019 I started having extreme anxiety and DP and I struggled, like A LOT. We got married in August and in Oct we found out we were expecting. Now, I do not have family in OH so I really liked the idea of raising our child in CHI with my family. So, we moved around thanksgiving. We found out we lost the baby about a week later. Which obviously did not at all help my anxiety. &#x200B; NOW This is my problem. We moved to CHI so that I could be closer to family for the baby. I love my family and we are very close but my mom made a good point about a week ago. She said ""I'm surprised you haven't moved back to Ohio by now."" And something just clicked. I was like, yeah why haven't we? My husband had a really awesome job in OH that he LOVES. And his boss literally told him to come back whenever we wanted, that it would always be there for him. And like I said, as much as I love my family, I am much happier in OH. I have lots of friends, and I have my own space. Right now, my husband and I are living in the basement of a house with SEVEN people in it. We don't even have our own bed, we take turns with my dad sleeping in a bed, and then switched to an air mattress. I am losing my fucking mind in this house. We literally can't do anything with someone always badgering us about money, where were going, this and that. I cant take it. I really want to tell my dad that I want to move back but I am so scared and I don't even know why. I am so anxious about the whole situation. I know that I need to do whats best for me and my husband as well as my mental health, but I am just scared that I will disappoint him bc this would be the second time I am telling him I want to move back to OH. The first time he was so supportive, but for some reason, I just feel like he is going to flip out. My anxiety is just telling me not to say anything, but my husband called his former boss, and his boss said he needed someone by the beginning of FEB and that the pay would be double than last time. Obviously we keep moving there for a reason, so WHAT DO I DO.",2,2,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you make the decision,,True,221 eoth3f,"Living abroad, looking for genuine online groups",0,help-seeking,2,"Hello everyone, I am seeking an online opioid (and alcohol+other drugs, to a lesser degree) recovery program/group that is nonprofit/free (or asks for only optional dues/donations). My ideal would be replicating via Skype or some other program a meeting that is regular and community/discussion-based e.g. AA or NA (but not limited to 12-step programs; I am very open to alternatives). I've been part of forums such as this one in the past, but I'm looking for something more intensive and personal right now. If you care to know the reasoning for my limitation, please see the below paragraph--if you'd rather drop some info on me straightaway, go on ahead. I'm an American expatriate and opiate addict, alcoholic, and among various other things, and I am currently in a buprenorphine MAT program in Southeast Europe. My doctors speak English here, but no one else in the program does. I have experimented with 12-step programs in the past, and I've always dropped them almost immediately. However, I now realize I need more community than I have access too. In addition, I recently read The Recovering by Leslie Jamison and it made want me want to give it a real shot. However, because of my career, I am usually in countries where few people speak English, and there are certainly no NA/AA groups that do so. I do my best to learn the local languages, but there's a long way from being passably conversational and being able to understand and spell out your deepest feelings, urges, and horrors, so I usually have no option to attend local meetings. &#x200B; I have recently fallen off the wagon after a period of semi-sobriety, and I rather feel I am underneath its wheels. Any advice is greatly appreciated.",AnonoLouse,1,0,2,2020-01-14 23:21:56,OpiatesRecovery,"Hello everyone, I am seeking an online opioid (and alcohol+other drugs, to a lesser degree) recovery program/group that is nonprofit/free (or asks for only optional dues/donations). My ideal would be replicating via Skype or some other program a meeting that is regular and community/discussion-based e.g. AA or NA (but not limited to 12-step programs; I am very open to alternatives). I've been part of forums such as this one in the past, but I'm looking for something more intensive and personal right now. If you care to know the reasoning for my limitation, please see the below paragraph--if you'd rather drop some info on me straightaway, go on ahead. I'm an American expatriate and opiate addict, alcoholic, and among various other things, and I am currently in a buprenorphine MAT program in Southeast Europe. My doctors speak English here, but no one else in the program does. I have experimented with 12-step programs in the past, and I've always dropped them almost immediately. However, I now realize I need more community than I have access too. In addition, I recently read The Recovering by Leslie Jamison and it made want me want to give it a real shot. However, because of my career, I am usually in countries where few people speak English, and there are certainly no NA/AA groups that do so. I do my best to learn the local languages, but there's a long way from being passably conversational and being able to understand and spell out your deepest feelings, urges, and horrors, so I usually have no option to attend local meetings. &#x200B; I have recently fallen off the wagon after a period of semi-sobriety, and I rather feel I am underneath its wheels. Any advice is greatly appreciated.",2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel after the period of semi-sobriety,,,,True,212 fa3woh,I don’t even know who i am,1a,rant,2,"Growing up, I was very much a loner to an extreme degree. I had essentially no close friends throughout middle school and high school. I was also seriously depressed and sad 90% of the time (I still am like this, really). However, I at least had some sense of things I enjoyed doing. I enjoyed reading, playing video games, watching movies, music etc. and I had a very rich inner life I think. I didn’t really feel guilty doing these things and sometimes I derived a real sense of artistic inspiration and pleasure from whatever entertainment I was consuming. I was pretty set on the idea when I was teenager that I was going to do something creative and meaningful and not end up sliding through life uneventfully. Fast forward a few years, and I’m 23, a college graduate, I have my first full time job working in an office and I am probably the most independent I have been in my life (relatively speaking). I’m still extremely shy and have few to no friends and my romantic life is nonexistent. I slid through college with near minimal engagement, met people that didn’t really vibe with how I saw myself, and got out to grab the first thing to come along. All my enjoyment for things I used to love and be passionate about has evaporated. Rather than filling me with joy, the things I used to be passionate about make me feel hollow and guilty about the person I am. I’d rather turn my brain off and just mindlessly consume YouTube or Netflix or porn while binge eating in my room with the lights turned off for hours after work. I find it harder and harder to remember things from my childhood and teenage years and when I do it’s usually with a kind of dull remorse. Nothing really noteworthy happened to me in college and with the path I’m on now I don’t see anything noteworthy happening in the future. I’ve started time and time again on self-improvement kicks that I fall off after a short while, or succeed for a good amount of time but then relapse and lose progress. And through all of this I’ve genuinely lost sight of the person I want to be. Nothing in my life feels meaningful and I couldn’t even tell you what the things I like or dislike are. Mostly I can just say I’m really lonely and fat and sad.",dontfeedmebromides,1,0,0,2020-02-27 01:06:31,getting_over_it,"Growing up, I was very much a loner to an extreme degree. I had essentially no close friends throughout middle school and high school. I was also seriously depressed and sad 90% of the time (I still am like this, really). However, I at least had some sense of things I enjoyed doing. I enjoyed reading, playing video games, watching movies, music etc. and I had a very rich inner life I think. I didn’t really feel guilty doing these things and sometimes I derived a real sense of artistic inspiration and pleasure from whatever entertainment I was consuming. I was pretty set on the idea when I was teenager that I was going to do something creative and meaningful and not end up sliding through life uneventfully. Fast forward a few years, and I’m 23, a college graduate, I have my first full time job working in an office and I am probably the most independent I have been in my life (relatively speaking). I’m still extremely shy and have few to no friends and my romantic life is nonexistent. I slid through college with near minimal engagement, met people that didn’t really vibe with how I saw myself, and got out to grab the first thing to come along. All my enjoyment for things I used to love and be passionate about has evaporated. Rather than filling me with joy, the things I used to be passionate about make me feel hollow and guilty about the person I am. I’d rather turn my brain off and just mindlessly consume YouTube or Netflix or porn while binge eating in my room with the lights turned off for hours after work. I find it harder and harder to remember things from my childhood and teenage years and when I do it’s usually with a kind of dull remorse. Nothing really noteworthy happened to me in college and with the path I’m on now I don’t see anything noteworthy happening in the future. I’ve started time and time again on self-improvement kicks that I fall off after a short while, or succeed for a good amount of time but then relapse and lose progress. And through all of this I’ve genuinely lost sight of the person I want to be. Nothing in my life feels meaningful and I couldn’t even tell you what the things I like or dislike are. Mostly I can just say I’m really lonely and fat and sad.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you have lost all your motivation and passion,,True,220 eibo2n,Fuck ditched on new years,1b,help-seeking,3,"This is just a rant, my girlfriend ditched me and my daughter to go party tonight instead of being with us. My car broke down today so my plans got canceled which dont get me wrong I have absolutely no issue staying at home with my little one but weve been getting ditched quite a bit on days that I get her. Everytime she makes new friends she latches on them and then is completely oblivious to her behavior and its ripple effect on me and my daughter. I absolutely hate the people shes friends with and I'm expected to not get upset with being ditched. It has got to the point that on days I do have my daughter she assumes my gf wont be there because of how frequently shes been leaving. We got into an arguement earlier and I told her I didnt like her friends and nor am I obligated to and her response is that they dont like me either which would mean they're getting a one sided version. 2 weeks ago she want over to hangout because we were in am arguement and while she was out she took her xanax which completely changes who she is and took a shot and she was fucked up and was driving and the only reason I knew what happened was because a friend of ours called me and told me she was super fucked up and when she got home I flew off the handle because she doesnt understand how she acts and the person she is when shes on her benzos. I encourage her to spend time with her friends but when her friends didnt care about her wellbeing yeah I instantly disliked them. She has a habit of picking really shitty friends and then expecting me to be okay with it and her shitty behavior. I'm honestly about to lose my shit, I'm sick of feeling like me and my daughter are just a crutch to use when she needs some form of domestic attention. We invite her to do things with us and she turns it down, I can count on two hands the amount of time shes went to the park with me and my daughter or 90% of the time she declines but has no problem taking her ""spare time"" to go get high and while I use to smoke and quit I really dont mind smoking but she will go through a gram of fucking wax in 2 days. She cant function without it and I knew she smoked a bit when we first started dating it has picked up drastically and despite me voicing my opinion it doesn't matter. Sometimes I feel like were a family and I know she loves us both but I feel like weve just become a repeating comfort source for when shes down in the dumps and just stays in bed all day. I feel like she is completely oblivious to what shes doing to us and I'm called toxic for being upset about it. I'm sick of feeling like this and I'm fucking pissed off to no end that me and my daughter are at home while shes out getting lit. She has no moderation and she uses the excuse of us living together as spending time with us, but when we are home she never wants to do a fuckimg thing other than lay in bed and watch fucking movies. I'm fighting really hard to avoid doing compulsive shit like tell her were through but I know I would instantly regret it but knowing she wony be home until super late know that were gonna end up arguing because she doesnt get the point scares me. We talk about being a family and how she wants to spend her life with us I dont know if I can keep dealing with this shit especially when my daughter is getting hurt by her behavior and shes aware of it. What in the flying fuck do I do",smallduckdonnger,1,0,7,2020-01-01 00:53:30,BPD,"This is just a rant. my girlfriend ditched me and my daughter to go party tonight instead of being with us. My car broke down today so my plans got canceled which dont get me wrong I have absolutely no issue staying at home with my little one but weve been getting ditched quite a bit on days that I get her. Everytime she makes new friends she latches on them and then is completely oblivious to her behavior and its ripple effect on me and my daughter. I absolutely hate the people shes friends with and I'm expected to not get upset with being ditched. It has got to the point that on days I do have my daughter she assumes my gf wont be there because of how frequently shes been leaving. We got into an arguement earlier and I told her I didnt like her friends and nor am I obligated to and her response is that they dont like me either which would mean they're getting a one sided version. 2 weeks ago she want over to hangout because we were in am arguement and while she was out she took her xanax which completely changes who she is and took a shot and she was fucked up and was driving and the only reason I knew what happened was because a friend of ours called me and told me she was super fucked up. when she got home I flew off the handle because she doesnt understand how she acts and the person she is when shes on her benzos. I encourage her to spend time with her friends but when her friends didnt care about her wellbeing yeah I instantly disliked them. She has a habit of picking really shitty friends and then expecting me to be okay with it and her shitty behavior. I'm honestly about to lose my shit, I'm sick of feeling like me and my daughter are just a crutch to use when she needs some form of domestic attention. We invite her to do things with us and she turns it down, I can count on two hands the amount of time shes went to the park with me and my daughter or 90% of the time she declines but has no problem taking her ""spare time"" to go get high and while I use to smoke and quit I really dont mind smoking but she will go through a gram of fucking wax in 2 days. She cant function without it and I knew she smoked a bit when we first started dating it has picked up drastically and despite me voicing my opinion it doesn't matter. Sometimes I feel like were a family and I know she loves us both but I feel like weve just become a repeating comfort source for when shes down in the dumps and just stays in bed all day. I feel like she is completely oblivious to what shes doing to us and I'm called toxic for being upset about it. I'm sick of feeling like this and I'm fucking pissed off to no end that me and my daughter are at home while shes out getting lit. She has no moderation and she uses the excuse of us living together as spending time with us, but when we are home she never wants to do a fuckimg thing other than lay in bed and watch fucking movies. I'm fighting really hard to avoid doing compulsive shit like tell her were through but I know I would instantly regret it but knowing she wony be home until super late know that were gonna end up arguing because she doesnt get the point scares me. We talk about being a family and how she wants to spend her life with us I dont know if I can keep dealing with this shit especially when my daughter is getting hurt by her behavior and shes aware of it. What in the flying fuck do I do",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ei8hxl,I always worry too much,1a,rant,1,"Recently i’ve been so scared of losing someone i love. Every time someone doesn’t respond to my messages or goes somewhere and returns late, i make up the worst scenarios in my head, making myself think something terrible happened to them. This has been going on ever since my bird died. Another thing, every time I express my love to my gf with those heart emoji memes I worry she thinks i’m annoying or clingy, and almost every time i see her typing, i worry she’ll say she wants to break up. I’ve also been quieter and less energetic, i forget to eat, i barely drink anything the whole day, and my parents are denying the fact i’ve been showing a bunch of symptoms of anxiety and depression for a while now. Every time i tell them i’m not feeling well they make up an excuse to not believe me.",Sanity_Smile,1,0,0,2019-12-31 20:39:05,Anxiety,"Recently i’ve been so scared of losing someone i love. Every time someone doesn’t respond to my messages or goes somewhere and returns late, i make up the worst scenarios in my head, making myself think something terrible happened to them. This has been going on ever since my bird died. Another thing, every time I express my love to my gf with those heart emoji memes I worry she thinks i’m annoying or clingy, and almost every time i see her typing, i worry she’ll say she wants to break up. I’ve also been quieter and less energetic, i forget to eat, i barely drink anything the whole day, and my parents are denying the fact i’ve been showing a bunch of symptoms of anxiety and depression for a while now. Every time i tell them i’m not feeling well they make up an excuse to not believe me.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel you have depression and anxiety,,True,220 elksrc,Self-Pity...pride in reverse.,1b,help-seeking,3,"**Im writing this to learn and gain some insight on someone I've notice in the community. Please don't bombard the comments section with typical AA slogans about 'my part'. I am honestly just looking to learn about the headspace of this individual and the topic of self-pity. Thank you :)** People who wallow in self-pity for a disproportionate amount of time baffle me. I feel like there is a threshhold for how long someone should pity themselves (especially if they take zero action in any area of their life.) There is one person in my AA community who always drags their Eyor body into the rooms and doesnt say or do much. They are like a wet blanket sitting in a corner of the room. They never contribute anything, they're never happy, they don't do acts of service or take action in any area of their life. They dont emote, they are like a black cloud doing nothing. They have an aura of laziness and passive-entitlement; as if they are the saddest (and only sad person in the world.) Meanwhile, there are plenty of other ppl in AA who express sadness/grief; therefore, this ""wet blanket"" person doesn't really require special treatment. My community and I have watched this wet blanket sit unmoved and unemotional in their seat doing nothing for a year. They might as well watch paint dry because it doesnt even seem like they are struggling. I see no personality, or expressions of their character. They're neither asking for help, wanting help or doing anything to help themselves. When ppl have asked whats wrong...they barely share anything. just depressed for no reason. They say, ""I know i should do service, but ill go home and dwell on it."" When the chairperson asks ""who would like to volunteer for clean-up?""...ppl will look at Eyor...and think: ""there's your chance!!!"" But nope, nothing. No action. To my understanding, ""Pride In Reverse"" manifests in the form of disproportionate or extreme ""self-pity."" They sit waiting for something to happen. Or someone to hand them something? Even if they were given happiness in a jar, they'd surely decline... I honestly have no idea what this person is doing in the AA community. Or why they waste their time driving to meetings if they have zero interest in fellowship, speaking up or doing the work. The ""woe-is-me"" is getting annoying. Its seems like pathological selfishness and pride. What do you think is up with them? Is this a covert narc? Or some other illness? Im curious. I have asked this person whats up...they say they have some depression....but again, we all go thru high and lows in AA, thats why we drank! What gives? Are they just there for the free coffee?",SoberMunkie,1,0,7,2020-01-08 00:43:37,alcoholicsanonymous,"**Im writing this to learn and gain some insight on someone I've notice in the community. Please don't bombard the comments section with typical AA slogans about 'my part'. I am honestly just looking to learn about the headspace of this individual and the topic of self-pity. Thank you :)** People who wallow in self-pity for a disproportionate amount of time baffle me. I feel like there is a threshhold for how long someone should pity themselves (especially if they take zero action in any area of their life.) There is one person in my AA community who always drags their Eyor body into the rooms and doesnt say or do much. They are like a wet blanket sitting in a corner of the room. They never contribute anything, they're never happy, they don't do acts of service or take action in any area of their life. They dont emote, they are like a black cloud doing nothing. They have an aura of laziness and passive-entitlement; as if they are the saddest (and only sad person in the world.) Meanwhile, there are plenty of other ppl in AA who express sadness/grief; therefore, this ""wet blanket"" person doesn't really require special treatment. My community and I have watched this wet blanket sit unmoved and unemotional in their seat doing nothing for a year. They might as well watch paint dry because it doesnt even seem like they are struggling. I see no personality, or expressions of their character. They're neither asking for help, wanting help or doing anything to help themselves. When ppl have asked whats wrong...they barely share anything. just depressed for no reason. They say, ""I know i should do service, but ill go home and dwell on it."" When the chairperson asks ""who would like to volunteer for clean-up?""...ppl will look at Eyor...and think: ""there's your chance!!!"" But nope, nothing. No action. To my understanding, ""Pride In Reverse"" manifests in the form of disproportionate or extreme ""self-pity."" They sit waiting for something to happen. Or someone to hand them something? Even if they were given happiness in a jar, they'd surely decline... I honestly have no idea what this person is doing in the AA community. Or why they waste their time driving to meetings if they have zero interest in fellowship, speaking up or doing the work. The ""woe-is-me"" is getting annoying. Its seems like pathological selfishness and pride. What do you think is up with them? Is this a covert narc? Or some other illness? Im curious. I have asked this person whats up...they say they have some depression....but again, we all go thru high and lows in AA, thats why we drank! What gives? Are they just there for the free coffee?",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 em8tgt,Struggling with withdrawals but I need to turn my life around,1a,help-seeking,2,"I have been struggling with CPTSD for most of my life, was only officially diagnosed a couple of months ago and have only started treatment. have been using opiates on and off, mostly on for about 5 years. I have been using one with a half life of around 18 hours every one-two days for the last 18 months. I have tried to quit before and the longest I have lasted is 3 days. I tried MDMA and it allowed me to take a long and hard look at what opiates have been doing to my life. Regardless of the CPTSD and that it is attempted self meditation, the opiates themselves have had a devestating effect on my life. It was hard to see the person that I have become but I saw it and I just felt hatred and dissapointment for my life. I am now on day 7, using kratom and pregablin in reasonable dosed to help the withdrawal. I also have cannibis eatibles but I don't really like that, more of an emergancy thing. Day 5 was particularly hard and I have a habit of partaking in risky behaviour when I'm agitated, I ended up taking 3300mg of pregablin and it waa horrible, surprised I survived to be honest, I know how dangerous it is. It also shot up my pregablin tolerance and the amount I have to use. I have been avoiding the pregablin and using small amounts of kratom for a few days. It's getting very difficult but I need to change my life, this is the farthest I have gone without it and I don't want to go back. I need a bit of motivatation to get me through today please.",ShakeYourSkeleton,1,0,4,2020-01-09 12:14:24,OpiatesRecovery,"I have been struggling with CPTSD for most of my life, was only officially diagnosed a couple of months ago and have only started treatment. have been using opiates on and off, mostly on for about 5 years. I have been using one with a half life of around 18 hours every one-two days for the last 18 months. I have tried to quit before and the longest I have lasted is 3 days. I tried MDMA and it allowed me to take a long and hard look at what opiates have been doing to my life. Regardless of the CPTSD and that it is attempted self meditation, the opiates themselves have had a devestating effect on my life. It was hard to see the person that I have become but I saw it and I just felt hatred and dissapointment for my life. I am now on day 7, using kratom and pregablin in reasonable dosed to help the withdrawal. I also have cannibis eatibles but I don't really like that, more of an emergancy thing. Day 5 was particularly hard and I have a habit of partaking in risky behaviour when I'm agitated, I ended up taking 3300mg of pregablin and it waa horrible, surprised I survived to be honest, I know how dangerous it is. It also shot up my pregablin tolerance and the amount I have to use. I have been avoiding the pregablin and using small amounts of kratom for a few days. It's getting very difficult but I need to change my life, this is the farthest I have gone without it and I don't want to go back. I need a bit of motivatation to get me through today please.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ej81ed,"Sudden bouts of anger, or days where everything is frustrating and you take things TOO personally??",1a,rant,1,"I feel so upset I'm realizing this is like, a common occurrence.. I just don't realize how I'm acting and I just feel really bad for my Boyfriend. I just get snappy and just, someone will say something and it'll be a joke but I end up taking it too personally without even realizing it? I think I'm being like... normal but it's not...",Gigameki,3,0,6,2020-01-03 01:37:25,BPD,"Sudden bouts of anger, or days where everything is frustrating and you take things TOO personally?? I feel so upset I'm realizing this is like, a common occurrence.. I just don't realize how I'm acting and I just feel really bad for my Boyfriend. I just get snappy and just, someone will say something and it'll be a joke but I end up taking it too personally without even realizing it? I think I'm being like... normal but it's not...",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are having sudden bouts of anger on some days,,True,220 eiuhix,Gets worse every time,1a,rant,2,"I'm not an addict, I've never had a physical dependency on any substance, but I'm sure you guys can relate with this phenomenon: Every time I do this drug again (cocaine) the depression it causes gets worse. I start thinking, ""How many fucking times have I done this only to end back at this spot I'm in right now?"" Like sure I can go back to being clean again but this drug causes this weird sense of despair and hopelessness and it feels like I should just end it all - but I always get out of it eventually. It's just so weird. This drug fucks me up bad, like it can take weeks for me to recover from the self hate and depression that one night of use causes - seriously! It changes how I think about things so drastically. When I'm clean from it things start looking up but one night of use and suddenly I'm back to despair and hopelessness and anxiety FOR WEEKS. I don't get it. I know that just like every time before it if I just stay clean I will be back to normal but right now it all just seems so pointless. It's almost like every use stacks upon one another to make the length and severity of the depression it causes a little worse every time! Do any of you understand this? How many times have I been here and how many more times am I going to come here? WHEN will it be the LAST TIME? Thanks for listening.",MarrowOfSpirit,1,0,2,2020-01-02 06:18:40,addiction,"I'm not an addict, I've never had a physical dependency on any substance, but I'm sure you guys can relate with this phenomenon: Every time I do this drug again (cocaine) the depression it causes gets worse. I start thinking, ""How many fucking times have I done this only to end back at this spot I'm in right now?"" Like sure I can go back to being clean again but this drug causes this weird sense of despair and hopelessness and it feels like I should just end it all - but I always get out of it eventually. It's just so weird. This drug fucks me up bad, like it can take weeks for me to recover from the self hate and depression that one night of use causes - seriously! It changes how I think about things so drastically. When I'm clean from it things start looking up but one night of use and suddenly I'm back to despair and hopelessness and anxiety FOR WEEKS. I don't get it. I know that just like every time before it if I just stay clean I will be back to normal but right now it all just seems so pointless. It's almost like every use stacks upon one another to make the length and severity of the depression it causes a little worse every time! Do any of you understand this? How many times have I been here and how many more times am I going to come here? WHEN will it be the LAST TIME? Thanks for listening.",1,2,1,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what made you take cocaine,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you stay clean,,True,121 elfe4c,I snap when i'm in the beginning of hallucinating,1b,rant,1,"I was already ticked off, and a few people set me off, right as I was starting to hallucinate from physcosis. It's getting harder to control and i'm afraid i'll hurt someone.",koolaidmanisgay,1,0,7,2020-01-07 18:23:04,Anger,"I snap when i'm in the beginning of hallucinating I was already ticked off, and a few people set me off, right as I was starting to hallucinate from physcosis. It's getting harder to control and i'm afraid i'll hurt someone.",1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,the hallucinations,How did X make you feel?,the hallucinations,What do you need help with now that X?,you get angry due to hallucinations,,True,100 fcofnl,Microdosing,0,survey,1,"Hi has anybody tried microdosing for depression? I don't want to be on meds cause they make me feel numb, and there is some pretty compelling research on using psychedelics to treat depression",gregariousgroota,1,0,3,2020-03-03 03:26:54,getting_over_it,"Hi has anybody tried microdosing for depression? I don't want to be on meds. they make me feel numb, and there is some pretty compelling research on using psychedelics to treat depression",0,1,2,What made you feel X ?,you feel numb,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how the meds made you feel,,,,True,012 ejkona,Relapse,1a,help-seeking,1,"I relapsed the other day after 3 1/2 months clean. It's hard because now all I wanna do is get that same, euphoric rush and just... try not to think about how harming is my way of handling when and how much pain I feel. Now I feel both ashamed and numb and... how do you guys get over those feelings?",poochenthecreator,5,0,6,2020-01-03 19:52:15,selfharm,"I relapsed the other day after 3 1/2 months clean. It's hard because now all I wanna do is get that same, euphoric rush and just... try not to think about how harming is my way of handling when and how much pain I feel. Now I feel both ashamed and numb and... how do you guys get over those feelings?",1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what made you relapse,,,,,,True,122 eiy95e,Minecraft is leaving us in 2020...:(,0,rant,1,,Elite__yeet,1,0,4,2020-01-02 13:30:43,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eibymb,“The best years of your life”,0,survey,1,"Cant shake the feeling that this new year signifies another year failing at school, working a shitty job that I hate to pay for it, having no friends and living at home with very indifferent parents. These are my 20s, the “best years of my life” and I’ve been closer now to killing myself this past tear than ever before. Earlier tonight I wished for the courage to kill myself before 2020 was over. If I were to tell this to anyone they would probably just tell me to “look on the bright side” and “make your life what you want it to be”, both phrases are completely unhelpful and seem to shift the blame on me for being unhappy. I just want to know how y’all plan to survive 2020? Honestly getting pretty used to the idea of riding out in a hearse before 2021.",flvco_1396,1,0,1,2020-01-01 01:19:01,depression,"Cant shake the feeling that this new year signifies another year failing at school, working a shitty job that I hate to pay for it, having no friends and living at home with very indifferent parents. These are my 20s, the “best years of my life” and I’ve been closer now to killing myself this past tear than ever before. Earlier tonight I wished for the courage to kill myself before 2020 was over. If I were to tell this to anyone they would probably just tell me to “look on the bright side” and “make your life what you want it to be”, both phrases are completely unhelpful and seem to shift the blame on me for being unhappy. I just want to know how y’all plan to survive 2020? Honestly getting pretty used to the idea of riding out in a hearse before 2021.",2,1,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about the past year,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you overcome the sadness,,True,211 ele87l,Clonazepan Addict!,1a,rant,1,"clonazepam addict Since my brother was murdered, I live every day taking drugs. I am really tired of this kind of life. sorry for be so negative.",drcarlosmr,1,0,11,2020-01-07 17:01:13,addiction,"clonazepam addict Since my brother was murdered, I live every day taking drugs. I am really tired of this kind of life. sorry for be so negative.",2,1,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how taking clonazepam make you feel,What do you need help with now that X?,you are tired of taking drugs,,True,210 eibdhk,"Marriage, dog, Police.",1a,help-seeking,1,"So, I’m turning 30 this year. I’m married, I’m a Police Officer and I have an awesome dog. I have a shit credit score and about £4000 of debt. My family live a good 2 hours away (UK, it’s a fair distance here for the Americans). But I’m not happy at all, most days I start at the bottom of the ladder and face an uphill fight to get to a feeling where my day has been simply ok. It’s been like this for years. Help me out reddit.",CarmeloWade,1,0,3,2020-01-01 00:29:24,depression,"So, I’m turning 30 this year. I’m married, I’m a Police Officer and I have an awesome dog. I have a shit credit score and about £4000 of debt. My family live a good 2 hours away (UK, it’s a fair distance here for the Americans). But I’m not happy at all, most days I start at the bottom of the ladder and face an uphill fight to get to a feeling where my day has been simply ok. It’s been like this for years. Help me out reddit.",1,2,1,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you don't feel happy,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you be happy,,True,121 eon6me,"Twenty-Four Hours a Day, 1.14",0,chitchat,2,"Thought When we first came into A.A., a sober life seemed strange. We wondered what life could possibly be like without ever taking a drink. At first, a sober life seemed unnatural. But the longer we're in A.A., the more natural this way of life seems. And now we know that the life we're living in A.A., the sobriety, the fellowship, the faith in God, and the trying to help each other, is the most natural way we could possibly live. Do I believe it's the way God wants me to live? Meditation I will learn to overcome myself, because every blow to selfishness is used to shape the real, eternal, imperishable me. As I overcome myself, I gain that power which God releases in my soul. And I too will be victorious. It is not the difficulties of life that I have to conquer, so much as my own selfishness. Prayer I pray that I may obey God and walk with Him and listen to Him. I pray that I may strive to overcome my own selfishness.",Whtsox,1,0,2,2020-01-14 16:03:42,alcoholicsanonymous,"Thought When we first came into A.A., a sober life seemed strange. We wondered what life could possibly be like without ever taking a drink. At first, a sober life seemed unnatural. But the longer we're in A.A., the more natural this way of life seems. And now we know that the life we're living in A.A., the sobriety, the fellowship, the faith in God, and the trying to help each other, is the most natural way we could possibly live. Do I believe it's the way God wants me to live? Meditation I will learn to overcome myself, because every blow to selfishness is used to shape the real, eternal, imperishable me. As I overcome myself, I gain that power which God releases in my soul. And I too will be victorious. It is not the difficulties of life that I have to conquer, so much as my own selfishness. Prayer I pray that I may obey God and walk with Him and listen to Him. I pray that I may strive to overcome my own selfishness.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 epas3a,I feel like I’m falling apart,1a,rant,2,"My parents and I had a fight the other night.. they called me a disappointment because I keep skipping school and I’m not even trying to get my work done anymore. I’m starting to relapse with my eating disorder and I can’t really handle being in a lunch room anymore. My friends in my grade have stopped talking to me nearly completely.. The girl I sit with at lunch though a hissy fit because I wouldn’t give her my lunch yesterday. The only two teachers I trust decided to treat me like shit and yell at me for something I didn’t do. The neurologist I’m going to thinks that my chronic migraine is all anxiety.. I can’t do this anymore I feel like I’m falling apart. I can’t even sleep, I have to dissociate myself from reality half the time to just make it though half the day.. I can’t do this anymore.. I don’t wanna be alive anymore.. yet I can’t do it. I keep telling myself that maybe just maybe I’ll pull though. All I wanna do is cry and scream, but I can’t. Whenever they needed me I would stay up all night talking them down, but the moment I need them I’m just worthless... I just want for all of this stop.. still 66 days clean though... at least that’s going for me..",ewwhoisluke,1,0,1,2020-01-15 23:51:54,mentalillness,"My parents and I had a fight the other night.. they called me a disappointment because I keep skipping school and I’m not even trying to get my work done anymore. I’m starting to relapse with my eating disorder and I can’t really handle being in a lunch room anymore. My friends in my grade have stopped talking to me nearly completely.. The girl I sit with at lunch though a hissy fit because I wouldn’t give her my lunch yesterday. The only two teachers I trust decided to treat me like shit and yell at me for something I didn’t do. The neurologist I’m going to thinks that my chronic migraine is all anxiety.. I can’t do this anymore I feel like I’m falling apart. I can’t even sleep, I have to dissociate myself from reality half the time to just make it though half the day.. I can’t do this anymore.. I don’t wanna be alive anymore.. yet I can’t do it. I keep telling myself that maybe just maybe I’ll pull though. All I wanna do is cry and scream, but I can’t. Whenever they needed me I would stay up all night talking them down, but the moment I need them I’m just worthless... I just want for all of this stop.. still 66 days clean though... at least that’s going for me..",2,1,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how the recent events make you feel,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you get better,,True,211 einy5a,Feeling lost (tw: drugs),1a,rant,1,"I cut again. It's been months. I don't know how this is helping me, or why this is my reaction to the situation. Last night, I caught my boyfriend snorting coke and I've been freaking out since. Somehow this seemed like the logical next step. I feel like such a lightweight cutter anyway. I don't bleed very much, they're very superficial cuts. I want to bleed more but I'm terrified at the same time. I feel pathetic. I'm sorry. This is boring nonsense. I just don't have anywhere to go. I can't talk to anyone. I'm so alone.",aviangazelles,1,0,0,2020-01-01 21:18:11,selfharm,"I cut again. It's been months. I don't know how this is helping me, or why this is my reaction to the situation. Last night, I caught my boyfriend snorting coke. I've been freaking out since. Somehow this seemed like the logical next step. I feel like such a lightweight cutter anyway. I don't bleed very much, they're very superficial cuts. I want to bleed more but I'm terrified at the same time. I feel pathetic. I'm sorry. This is boring nonsense. I just don't have anywhere to go. I can't talk to anyone. I'm so alone.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you freaked out seeing your boyfriend snort coke,,True,220 ent9tu,Weird habits and thoughts,1a,rant,2,"So for the past year my awareness/conciousness has been getting more and more intense. Its weird. I am just more aware of things and actually ask questions that are exremely deep. I always ask myself, how real is this? Could this be an hilutination? Did I actually just walk 5 miles today? I ask things that should be obvious but allow me to see patterns in everything. I am also extremely paranoid about people always watching me, monitoring and stalking me. Its obvious that it isnt factual or based on anything just a constant thought of danger. It makes me jumpy, it makes me overthink everything and even purposely change my personality/speach patterns that I display to purposely throw anyone off who is trying to figure out my patterns as a person. I also was diagnosed with depression awhile back. I still always have the thought of suicide in the back of my mind and it never leaves. I don't wanna do it, i just see it as an option if I hit a dead end in life. To me, life feels meaningless even with anti depressants. I feel like a mear spec on the planet. Doesnt bother me. I just find it hard to get any motivation in life. I crave drugs. Even though Ive been sover for 2 months. Im 16 years old so i had my so called ""curious"" faze and I constantly just want tk be high so my mind will be put at eeze so I can focus on the thing I want to enjoy. Im a workaholic while still being unmotivated so I feel worthless doing nohing all day but still feel like shit when I actually do it. Ive been in a couple toxic relationships already which fucked me up. I know have major trust issues and I dont trully let anyone into my heart as I dont wanna feel the pain I once did. So I trust almost no one and I have no problem dropping people. I tend to be narssasistic due to my constant anilizing of people and lack of trust. So i feel nothing when using people. It doesnt bother me. It is shitty I know. Although I am not an actual narcissist, as I do care for a handful of people and their well being. So this is my fucked mind. A 16 year old who bassically is constantly in a mid life crisis. Its been this way for a year or so now. Just wanted to post my thoughts somewhere. Ignore this if you so chose to",JohnnyBoyProducer,1,0,0,2020-01-12 20:54:03,mentalillness,"So for the past year my awareness/conciousness has been getting more and more intense. Its weird. I am just more aware of things and actually ask questions that are exremely deep. I always ask myself, how real is this? Could this be an hilutination? Did I actually just walk 5 miles today? I ask things that should be obvious but allow me to see patterns in everything. I am also extremely paranoid about people always watching me, monitoring and stalking me. Its obvious that it isnt factual or based on anything just a constant thought of danger. It makes me jumpy, it makes me overthink everything and even purposely change my personality/speach patterns that I display to purposely throw anyone off who is trying to figure out my patterns as a person. I also was diagnosed with depression awhile back. I still always have the thought of suicide in the back of my mind and it never leaves. I don't wanna do it, i just see it as an option if I hit a dead end in life. To me, life feels meaningless even with anti depressants. I feel like a mear spec on the planet. Doesnt bother me. I just find it hard to get any motivation in life. I crave drugs. Even though Ive been sover for 2 months. Im 16 years old so i had my so called ""curious"" faze and I constantly just want tk be high so my mind will be put at eeze so I can focus on the thing I want to enjoy. Im a workaholic while still being unmotivated so I feel worthless doing nohing all day but still feel like shit when I actually do it. Ive been in a couple toxic relationships already which fucked me up. I know have major trust issues and I dont trully let anyone into my heart as I dont wanna feel the pain I once did. So I trust almost no one and I have no problem dropping people. I tend to be narssasistic due to my constant anilizing of people and lack of trust. So i feel nothing when using people. It doesnt bother me. It is shitty I know. Although I am not an actual narcissist, as I do care for a handful of people and their well being. So this is my fucked mind. A 16 year old who bassically is constantly in a mid life crisis. Its been this way for a year or so now. Just wanted to post my thoughts somewhere. Ignore this if you so chose to",2,2,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you overcome the midlife crisis,,True,221 etu7p3,Co-Worker is being abused and I have proof,1b,help-seeking,2,"Hey guys- I am not sure what to do in this situation. A coworker of mine has been with her BF for two years now (both in their late 20s). He has never been nice. Cheats all the time, calls her names, not affectionate etc. Recently they have decided to move in together. My coworker comes from a background of childhood sexual abuse and has really low self esteem. She has no close family and no friends outside work. Her boyfriend pays her rent and for her food. He drives her everywhere and is her only way to get around. She doesn't come out with us much for work parties because her BF doesn't want to drive her/tells her that she is slutty when he isn't around and doesn't trust her- so he is very controlling of her and tries to isolate her. In the last two months this escalated. He began calling her a slut and a whore and telling her that he wants to kill her and wishes he could strangle her. He has also punched walls and doors near her when arguing and blows up for no reason. I am the only one she tells this to because she trusts me. I have tried to talk to her about it as abuse without telling her flat out ""you have to leave him"" because I don't want her to stop telling me things and isolate herself with him. Last night I got a text from her at 5:20am that said ""(BF) tried to kill me tonight. I am safe. please don't tell anyone. I am safe."" along with the text was a picture of her mirror selfie style in a bathroom with a robe on. She has blood on her face, tears and boogers running down her face, and red marks all along her chest and neck. I responded when I woke up and asked her where she was and she hasn't answered. Its been hours. I don't know what to do. If I call it might put her in more danger. I don't know if I should tell someone. I have the text proof of what happened. Please help. I am so worried for this beautiful kind woman",CJSmigliani,1,0,7,2020-01-25 18:10:42,domesticviolence,"Hey guys- I am not sure what to do in this situation. A coworker of mine has been with her BF for two years now (both in their late 20s). He has never been nice. Cheats all the time, calls her names, not affectionate etc. Recently they have decided to move in together. My coworker comes from a background of childhood sexual abuse and has really low self esteem. She has no close family and no friends outside work. Her boyfriend pays her rent and for her food. He drives her everywhere and is her only way to get around. She doesn't come out with us much for work parties because her BF doesn't want to drive her/tells her that she is slutty when he isn't around and doesn't trust her- so he is very controlling of her and tries to isolate her. In the last two months this escalated. He began calling her a slut and a whore and telling her that he wants to kill her and wishes he could strangle her. He has also punched walls and doors near her when arguing and blows up for no reason. I am the only one she tells this to because she trusts me. I have tried to talk to her about it as abuse without telling her flat out ""you have to leave him"" because I don't want her to stop telling me things and isolate herself with him. Last night I got a text from her at 5:20am that said ""(BF) tried to kill me tonight. I am safe. please don't tell anyone. I am safe."" along with the text was a picture of her mirror selfie style in a bathroom with a robe on. She has blood on her face, tears and boogers running down her face, and red marks all along her chest and neck. I responded when I woke up and asked her where she was and she hasn't answered. Its been hours. I don't know what to do. If I call it might put her in more danger. I don't know if I should tell someone. I have the text proof of what happened. Please help. I am so worried for this beautiful kind woman",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help the woman,,True,221 ewweaf,Any success stories of overcoming emotional numbness/anhedonia?,0,survey,1,"I rarely seen anyone who did, and I searched hard on the internet. Those who did, they used medication or something.",PersonaTheGuise,1,0,3,2020-01-31 22:44:38,getting_over_it," Any success stories of overcoming emotional numbness/anhedonia? I rarely seen anyone who did, and I searched hard on the internet. Those who did, they used medication or something.",0,0,2,What happened that you want X ?,stories of overcoming emotional numbness without medicine,Why are you wanting X ?,stories of overcoming emotional numbness,,,,True,002 enu4w1,"Grew up in poverty. Realized the only way out was to study hard, graduate at the top, go to a top college and keep spending my spare time learning to make up for my lack of connections and social capital. Now I can’t enjoy anything.",1a,rant,3,"Hi all. This is semi-political but mostly about my mental health and being well. I am a 25 year old female. I grew up in a very very low working class family, practically poor. I had never met a doctor/lawyer/banker growing up. But I was smart. Really smart. I figured out early on (by like 8 years old) that I would need to study really hard to get out of poverty. So I did. Graduated 2nd in my class from high school. Went to a top 10 college and graduated at the top there too. Did all of this with no SAT tutor or career counselor and no one to ever help me since my family is very uneducated. Also had a miserable time in college because I was the only poor kid surrounded by privileged white kids and felt so out of place. Almost dropped out at one point even though I had a 3.8 GPA. But I did it. Then, I had absolutely no connections or network so it was hard to find a job after I graduated from college. My degree was in political science and knew I wanted to work in politics. So without knowing a soul, I moved to another city, started going to political events (fundraisers, Democratic club events, cocktail parties etc) and landed a job within a few months in politics. Then got another job in politics and now got a full ride to law school. The problem is, because I was so behind and always playing catch up, and because I knew I had no connections or cultural capital, I felt that being the most knowledgeable about my field was the only way to achieve all these things. And I was right. But this required me to give up all my free time and social life. I’d spend my weekends at cafes reading, and every minute of my life learning. Listening to policy podcasts during my commute and at the gym, creating syllabi for myself to study on weekends even though I had a full time job, etc. I haven’t made many friends in life or enjoyed “normal” things because after 20 years of doing this, I literally don’t know how else to be. I don’t enjoy music. I don’t watch tv and when I try to, I zone out after 10 minutes and get back to my history book, reading case law, listening to my public policy podcasts. The only “non-productive” thing I enjoy is art and visiting art museums because I had a second major in art history and love it. But again, this is an academic thing. I genuinely enjoy these things and they give me so much joy. But I literally don’t enjoy anything that’s not purely academic. And I don’t know how to relate to normal people. The only way I relate to anyone is within professional settings where I thrive or at political/law events where I’m talking to people about ideas and serious topics. I have a total of two friends because I’m unable to talk about things like music, tv, etc. and I don’t care about pop culture or other normal things. My idea of fun is reading history books and debating philosophical ideas. And I love these things and feel good about myself generally and think I’m a great, intellectually well rounded person. But I am literally UNABLE to enjoy anything else. Many people live like this—Supreme Court justices, politicians, academics. I know everyone is different. But I can’t even make friends. And I think the fact that I grew up in poverty and HAD to be this way to survive made me like this. I resent the fact that I am like this while rich kids had the luxury of enjoying normal things and still succeeding. I’ve been able to conceptualize this within the framework of politics and income inequality which has given me purpose. But there’s a downside when my own boyfriend thinks I take things way too seriously and gets overwhelmed when I talk about social issues which he says is a “downer”. Should I accept myself and embrace my higher purpose? Am I capable of ever enjoying normal things? I’m not really depressed and I like the way I am. I just think it’s kind of a mental disorder when “non-productive” things give me anxiety because I feel like if I’m not studying 24/7 I’m going to fall behind and ruin my entire life and become homeless.",throwawaygirl000001,1,0,17,2020-01-12 21:53:16,selfhelp,"Hi all. This is semi-political but mostly about my mental health and being well. I am a 25 year old female. I grew up in a very very low working class family, practically poor. I had never met a doctor/lawyer/banker growing up. But I was smart. Really smart. I figured out early on (by like 8 years old) that I would need to study really hard to get out of poverty. So I did. Graduated 2nd in my class from high school. Went to a top 10 college and graduated at the top there too. Did all of this with no SAT tutor or career counselor and no one to ever help me since my family is very uneducated. Also had a miserable time in college because I was the only poor kid surrounded by privileged white kids and felt so out of place. Almost dropped out at one point even though I had a 3.8 GPA. But I did it. Then, I had absolutely no connections or network so it was hard to find a job after I graduated from college. My degree was in political science and knew I wanted to work in politics. So without knowing a soul, I moved to another city, started going to political events (fundraisers, Democratic club events, cocktail parties etc) and landed a job within a few months in politics. Then got another job in politics and now got a full ride to law school. The problem is, because I was so behind and always playing catch up, and because I knew I had no connections or cultural capital, I felt that being the most knowledgeable about my field was the only way to achieve all these things. And I was right. But this required me to give up all my free time and social life. I’d spend my weekends at cafes reading, and every minute of my life learning. Listening to policy podcasts during my commute and at the gym, creating syllabi for myself to study on weekends even though I had a full time job, etc. I haven’t made many friends in life or enjoyed “normal” things because after 20 years of doing this, I literally don’t know how else to be. I don’t enjoy music. I don’t watch tv and when I try to, I zone out after 10 minutes and get back to my history book, reading case law, listening to my public policy podcasts. The only “non-productive” thing I enjoy is art and visiting art museums because I had a second major in art history and love it. But again, this is an academic thing. I genuinely enjoy these things and they give me so much joy. But I literally don’t enjoy anything that’s not purely academic. And I don’t know how to relate to normal people. The only way I relate to anyone is within professional settings where I thrive or at political/law events where I’m talking to people about ideas and serious topics. I have a total of two friends because I’m unable to talk about things like music, tv, etc. and I don’t care about pop culture or other normal things. My idea of fun is reading history books and debating philosophical ideas. And I love these things and feel good about myself generally and think I’m a great, intellectually well rounded person. But I am literally UNABLE to enjoy anything else. Many people live like this—Supreme Court justices, politicians, academics. I know everyone is different. But I can’t even make friends. And I think the fact that I grew up in poverty and HAD to be this way to survive made me like this. I resent the fact that I am like this while rich kids had the luxury of enjoying normal things and still succeeding. I’ve been able to conceptualize this within the framework of politics and income inequality which has given me purpose. But there’s a downside when my own boyfriend thinks I take things way too seriously and gets overwhelmed when I talk about social issues which he says is a “downer”. Should I accept myself and embrace my higher purpose? Am I capable of ever enjoying normal things? I’m not really depressed and I like the way I am. I just think it’s kind of a mental disorder when “non-productive” things give me anxiety because I feel like if I’m not studying 24/7 I’m going to fall behind and ruin my entire life and become homeless.",2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,not being able to enjoy anything apart from studies,,,,True,202 emt4jw,Ok so... day 1 take 5 ha (but not really funny),1a,help-seeking,2,"Reaching out for some help... this past Monday i.had checked myself into an inpatient rehab clinic. I checked myself out the next day. Then tried at home on Thursday after going and seeing my psychiatrist on Wednesday and he gave me a bunch of meds to try at home. But then on Thursday and gave up half way through the day. I have been using some form of opiate for the past 5 years straight. Whether it be Subutex or Roxicodone. I am about a hundred and twenty to a hundred mg a day on Roxicodone. I have been trying to stay away from Subutex because it has such a long Half-Life and I really do want to get clean. What messes me up is the mental aspect of it. I can't get out of my own head. I'm also a person who hates to lay around and not be productive. I also have two young children who depend on me and I have a job I need to eventually get back to! I feel like I ruined my week off. I know there is no miracle but I'm looking for one. I need help and I don't know what to do. These are the drugs my doctor gave me: Clonidine for WD, Bentyl for stomach cramps, Flexeril for muscle spasms and trazadone for sleep. What would your schedule be like? How many days do you think I can get this done in? Any tips would be helpful. Everybody I know uses and I mean everybody. So it's hard for me to even have somebody go through this with me when I know in the back of my mind they are using and I want to feel like them. I don't want to do Suboxone or Subutex because like I said I've been on that too and I just end up selling it for pills. I need to get clean clean and I just don't know how to get through it.",meenymineymoe,1,0,5,2020-01-10 16:16:32,OpiatesRecovery,"Reaching out for some help... this past Monday i.had checked myself into an inpatient rehab clinic. I checked myself out the next day. Then tried at home on Thursday after going and seeing my psychiatrist on Wednesday and he gave me a bunch of meds to try at home. But then on Thursday and gave up half way through the day. I have been using some form of opiate for the past 5 years straight. Whether it be Subutex or Roxicodone. I am about a hundred and twenty to a hundred mg a day on Roxicodone. I have been trying to stay away from Subutex because it has such a long Half-Life and I really do want to get clean. What messes me up is the mental aspect of it. I can't get out of my own head. I'm also a person who hates to lay around and not be productive. I also have two young children who depend on me and I have a job I need to eventually get back to! I feel like I ruined my week off. I know there is no miracle but I'm looking for one. I need help and I don't know what to do. These are the drugs my doctor gave me: Clonidine for WD, Bentyl for stomach cramps, Flexeril for muscle spasms and trazadone for sleep. What would your schedule be like? How many days do you think I can get this done in? Any tips would be helpful. Everybody I know uses and I mean everybody. So it's hard for me to even have somebody go through this with me when I know in the back of my mind they are using and I want to feel like them. I don't want to do Suboxone or Subutex because like I said I've been on that too and I just end up selling it for pills. I need to get clean clean and I just don't know how to get through it.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 f4yk3y,How do you forgive yourself for being flawed?,1a,help-seeking,1,"I'm finally making changes for the better. I'm eating healthier, working out, making efforts to reach out and socialize with new people. But I can't stop obsessing over how I could've been even better now if I had started all these things earlier. It was so much easier before when I knew I was going to die young. Things dont matter when there's already a foregone conclusion, you know? I cant get over the years I wasted in a blank void, tossed by anxiety and self-imposed misery. I wish I could just move on, and be glad I can finally see more than just a premature ending. But I cant get over what I feel like I've done to myself.",Rampant_Unicorn,1,0,9,2020-02-16 22:36:26,getting_over_it,"I'm finally making changes for the better. I'm eating healthier, working out, making efforts to reach out and socialize with new people. But I can't stop obsessing over how I could've been even better now if I had started all these things earlier. It was so much easier before when I knew I was going to die young. Things dont matter when there's already a foregone conclusion, you know? I cant get over the years I wasted in a blank void, tossed by anxiety and self-imposed misery. I wish I could just move on, and be glad I can finally see more than just a premature ending. But I cant get over what I feel like I've done to myself.",2,0,0,,,How did X make you feel?,the anxiety,What do you need help with now that X?,you are feeling you wasted so many years,,True,200 ej7f66,Does anyone go through phases where they feel like a sociopath?,0,survey,1,"Sometimes I go through phases where I feel like I fit the criteria for ASPD. Lack of empathy, manipulative, I feel superior, and I just do edgy shit. I stop caring so much about other people and feel like I have good social skills and don’t give a shit what people thinks And listen to edgy music too and feel badass. I’ll get more agitated and restless. Like I go back to my edgy emo teen phase sort of? It’s so hard to explain it, but I just feel like a sociopath or something. Then I usually crash and realize I’m a loser. Is this normal? Does anyone else get this?",PaintingFlowersForU,14,0,7,2020-01-03 00:49:25,BPD,"Sometimes I go through phases where I feel like I fit the criteria for ASPD. Lack of empathy, manipulative, I feel superior, and I just do edgy shit. I stop caring so much about other people and feel like I have good social skills and don’t give a shit what people thinks And listen to edgy music too and feel badass. I’ll get more agitated and restless. Like I go back to my edgy emo teen phase sort of? It’s so hard to explain it, but I just feel like a sociopath or something. Then I usually crash and realize I’m a loser. Is this normal? Does anyone else get this?",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you control your agitation and restlessness,,True,221 ei9f3q,High fever. Laying in bed for 3 days,1a,rant,1,"It's almost like I have a double depression now. I feel so miserable. I can't even do something without getting a headache. It sucks even more that I'm home alone and don't have friends to talk to. I wasn't planning to celebrate new year anyways, so at least that doesn't matter. Sorry for my mini rant. I hope your day was better :)",ShaoLoong,1,0,2,2019-12-31 21:52:36,depression,"High fever. Laying in bed for 3 days It's almost like I have a double depression now. I feel so miserable. I can't even do something without getting a headache. It sucks even more that I'm home alone and don't have friends to talk to. I wasn't planning to celebrate new year anyways, so at least that doesn't matter. Sorry for my mini rant. I hope your day was better :)",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel really miserable,title,True,220 ek5oav,Begging=characters,0,rant,2,"Emily: hey I’m Northridge Cj: I’m only into brown Bonnie:I’m brown Narrator:and then... Cj: later northridge let’s go Bonnie Emily: you know I have a name it Emily I have a plan... I’ll be the Prettiest brown girl then he will dumb Bonnie and he will come after me and I’m gonna be a new girl Narrator: pretending at school to be brown and new... Cj: OMG that girl look brown and pretty than bonnie Bonnie: what! Cj: yEaH! Bonnie: what are you gonna do Cj: LOOK! Bonnie: OK!? Cj: pushes away* Bonnie: falls* Cj: walks to Emily=fake brown* Emily: you should really not I’m emily I’m just.... pretending Cj: pushes* Emily: falls* I should of been quiet of my name Narrator: and then cj want bonnie back.......l Cj: Bonnie I want you back Bonnie: pushes cj* nope bye Narrator:and then cj had no gf that’s brown (The end)",SubjectSalary,1,0,2,2020-01-05 01:09:22,sad,Emily: hey I’m Northridge Cj: I’m only into brown Bonnie:I’m brown Narrator:and then... Cj: later northridge let’s go Bonnie Emily: you know I have a name it Emily I have a plan... I’ll be the Prettiest brown girl then he will dumb Bonnie and he will come after me and I’m gonna be a new girl Narrator: pretending at school to be brown and new... Cj: OMG that girl look brown and pretty than bonnie Bonnie: what! Cj: yEaH! Bonnie: what are you gonna do Cj: LOOK! Bonnie: OK!? Cj: pushes away* Bonnie: falls* Cj: walks to Emily=fake brown* Emily: you should really not I’m emily I’m just.... pretending Cj: pushes* Emily: falls* I should of been quiet of my name Narrator: and then cj want bonnie back.......l Cj: Bonnie I want you back Bonnie: pushes cj* nope bye Narrator:and then cj had no gf that’s brown (The end),0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eilqhc,Need your help,1b,help-seeking,1,Ok folks just joined this group for reason I’m about to say. Supposed to go to my parents for New Years dinner today. Fiancé who occasionally gets bad anxiety about doing certain things usually when it’s going to be around other people is really upset about it and getting bad anxiety. My mom is an intense lady who won’t understand the anxiety. What can I tell her to get out of today? Should I be honest with her? I don’t want to throw my fiancé under the bus.,ahall24751,1,0,0,2020-01-01 18:33:10,Anxiety,Ok folks just joined this group for reason I’m about to say. Supposed to go to my parents for New Years dinner today. Fiancé who occasionally gets bad anxiety about doing certain things usually when it’s going to be around other people is really upset about it and getting bad anxiety. My mom is an intense lady who won’t understand the anxiety. What can I tell her to get out of today? Should I be honest with her? I don’t want to throw my fiancé under the bus.,2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,going to your parents with fiance,,,,True,202 ei9egz,I had an idea: try to do something for just ten minutes.,0,chitchat,2,"Ten minutes Mental illness is extremely difficult to live with. Sometimes, you can become paralyzed by the amount of tasks that you have to complete. If you can’t find the motivation to do anything, it’s hard to know where to start. I had this idea that even if you can’t commit to completing an entire task, you can at least try to get yourself to work on something for *ten minutes*. What’s on the list? (Note: Some of these things might take less than ten minutes; see if you can do more than one task in ten minutes if you’d like. Some tasks might take more time; see if you have enough momentum to continue.) The first part of the list can be filled with things that you WANT to do. These are the types of things that you can do when you take a break after you’ve completed one or more tasks. * Things you WANT to do * Read an article or a few online * Watch a video * Draw something * Call a friend * Write something creative * Watch a video or a TV episode The second part of the list can be filled with things that you NEED to do. Some are more time-sensitive than others. Some should be prioritized regardless of time. Some need to be done daily; feel free to split them up by what you need to do each day versus what needs to be done at a given time. * Common time-sensitive tasks * Paying bills * Doing work-related tasks * Writing documents * Making phone calls * Sending e-mails * Making food * Meal – ten minutes multiplied however long it takes * Snack – if you only have ten minutes, make a snack * Common household chores * Clean bathroom sink * Clean toilet * Clean shower * Vacuum one room at a time * Sweep one room at a time * Empty litter box (if you have a cat) * Do dishes * Put away dishes * Do laundry * Water plants (if you have plants) * Clean out car * Tidy one part of room * Throw out any trash * Make bed * Pick up things from floor * Clear off desk * Clear off table * Clear off dresser * Hang up laundry * Things that are healthy * Do a small amount of exercise * Hygiene * Take a shower or bath * Trim nails * Take medicine * Brush teeth * Brush hair * Shave This list is just an example. These are some things that I need to do in my own life. I’m sure you can add or remove things that fit your own needs. I don’t know if this is something that works for everyone, but I’m going to try to work on this. I hope it can help some of you. What else might you add to your list? What things have I forgotten?",karmachameleonnnnn,1,0,4,2019-12-31 21:51:12,BPD,"Ten minutes Mental illness is extremely difficult to live with. Sometimes, you can become paralyzed by the amount of tasks that you have to complete. If you can’t find the motivation to do anything, it’s hard to know where to start. I had this idea that even if you can’t commit to completing an entire task, you can at least try to get yourself to work on something for *ten minutes*. What’s on the list? (Note: Some of these things might take less than ten minutes; see if you can do more than one task in ten minutes if you’d like. Some tasks might take more time; see if you have enough momentum to continue.) The first part of the list can be filled with things that you WANT to do. These are the types of things that you can do when you take a break after you’ve completed one or more tasks. * Things you WANT to do * Read an article or a few online * Watch a video * Draw something * Call a friend * Write something creative * Watch a video or a TV episode The second part of the list can be filled with things that you NEED to do. Some are more time-sensitive than others. Some should be prioritized regardless of time. Some need to be done daily; feel free to split them up by what you need to do each day versus what needs to be done at a given time. * Common time-sensitive tasks * Paying bills * Doing work-related tasks * Writing documents * Making phone calls * Sending e-mails * Making food * Meal – ten minutes multiplied however long it takes * Snack – if you only have ten minutes, make a snack * Common household chores * Clean bathroom sink * Clean toilet * Clean shower * Vacuum one room at a time * Sweep one room at a time * Empty litter box (if you have a cat) * Do dishes * Put away dishes * Do laundry * Water plants (if you have plants) * Clean out car * Tidy one part of room * Throw out any trash * Make bed * Pick up things from floor * Clear off desk * Clear off table * Clear off dresser * Hang up laundry * Things that are healthy * Do a small amount of exercise * Hygiene * Take a shower or bath * Trim nails * Take medicine * Brush teeth * Brush hair * Shave This list is just an example. These are some things that I need to do in my own life. I’m sure you can add or remove things that fit your own needs. I don’t know if this is something that works for everyone, but I’m going to try to work on this. I hope it can help some of you. What else might you add to your list? What things have I forgotten?",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ek5qjy,The Next Step,1a,help-seeking,2,"I posted here a while ago about my struggle with trying to apply/find a job. A positive update: I managed to get one! I still have the option to accept or deny though, and I’ve been super conflicted about it for the past couple of days. On one hand, cool! Money and being able to do/buy things I want without restrictions! On the other hand, dealing with strangers. all. day. and potentially screwing everything up that I’m supposed to do, or not being able to communicate properly with my coworkers/customers and embarrassing myself.... I’m also really worried about how my potential coworkers will view me. I’ve never been great with socializing (obviously if I’m posting here I guess) or making friends/giving off a likable vibe & I really want to try and meet new people and not end up in a work environment that I’m completely miserable in. I know this is all dumb stuff to be worrying about and that there’s more positives that come with getting a job than negatives, but I just can’t shake the thoughts of every potential situation and detail that I could mess up on. Especially the interacting with customers part. I dread it so much but I really want to take the job. I don’t know how to just push myself and take a risk, I know it could possibly help with SA but I also don’t want it to blow up in my face and make it worse... sorry if this doesn’t make much sense, this is pretty much how my internal struggle with trying to decide has been. If any of you have had this much trouble deciding, what did you do? and if you went for it, how did it turn out? I’d really like to know.",meegalodon,5,0,0,2020-01-05 01:14:46,socialanxiety,"I posted here a while ago about my struggle with trying to apply/find a job. A positive update: I managed to get one! I still have the option to accept or deny though, and I’ve been super conflicted about it for the past couple of days. On one hand, cool! Money and being able to do/buy things I want without restrictions! On the other hand, dealing with strangers. all. day. and potentially screwing everything up that I’m supposed to do, or not being able to communicate properly with my coworkers/customers and embarrassing myself.... I’m also really worried about how my potential coworkers will view me. I’ve never been great with socializing (obviously if I’m posting here I guess) or making friends/giving off a likable vibe & I really want to try and meet new people and not end up in a work environment that I’m completely miserable in. I know this is all dumb stuff to be worrying about and that there’s more positives that come with getting a job than negatives, but I just can’t shake the thoughts of every potential situation and detail that I could mess up on. Especially the interacting with customers part. I dread it so much but I really want to take the job. I don’t know how to just push myself and take a risk, I know it could possibly help with SA but I also don’t want it to blow up in my face and make it worse... sorry if this doesn’t make much sense, this is pretty much how my internal struggle with trying to decide has been. If any of you have had this much trouble deciding, what did you do? and if you went for it, how did it turn out? I’d really like to know.",1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you dread interacting with customers,How did X make you feel?,conversations with strangers,What do you need help with now that X?,your social anxiety is affecting your job choice,,True,100 eiff8j,Newbie (again),1a,rant,1,"I have been to three meetings in three days. I am a returning AA member. Almost 7 years ago I was sober almost a year. Then I thought I could be normal. #wrong Tonight I decided to go to the NYE speaker/potluck/bash instead of a regular meeting. That was a mistake. I don’t know anyone yet. There were way too many people there and I was really uncomfortable. Instead of feeling better and stronger, I just wanted to get out and go home. Aside from just too much, too soon... I felt like I didn’t belong there. But. Tomorrow at noon is a newcomer’s meeting. Hope that will be better. I struggle with feeling like an AA imposter. While I clearly cannot drink like a “normal” person — my “rock bottom” is nothing compared to so many. Last time, and still now, I feel like I’m not a “bad enough drunk” to be included. Is that weird?",smartchic65,1,0,8,2020-01-01 07:02:07,alcoholicsanonymous,"I have been to three meetings in three days. I am a returning AA member. Almost 7 years ago I was sober almost a year. Then I thought I could be normal. #wrong Tonight I decided to go to the NYE speaker/potluck/bash instead of a regular meeting. That was a mistake. I don’t know anyone yet. There were way too many people there and I was really uncomfortable. Instead of feeling better and stronger, I just wanted to get out and go home. Aside from just too much, too soon... I felt like I didn’t belong there. But. Tomorrow at noon is a newcomer’s meeting. Hope that will be better. I struggle with feeling like an AA imposter. While I clearly cannot drink like a “normal” person — my “rock bottom” is nothing compared to so many. Last time, and still now, I feel like I’m not a “bad enough drunk” to be included. Is that weird?",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you control your drinking,,True,221 ekrnqx,Day 10!,0,rant,1,"Yes yes yo. 10 days since I used heroin. Day 4 since I'm off subs. I only used Subutex for a quick taper of 6 days. What can I say. I am thrilled that I made it that far and besides that I am nateous as heck, have sweat attacks and didn't sleep in days. I guess I have to endure this for a bit now and I'm not out of the acute phase. But hell...10 days.",MrMolo,1,0,7,2020-01-06 09:13:35,OpiatesRecovery,"Yes yes yo. 10 days since I used heroin. Day 4 since I'm off subs. I only used Subutex for a quick taper of 6 days. What can I say. I am thrilled that I made it that far and besides that I am nateous as heck, have sweat attacks and didn't sleep in days. I guess I have to endure this for a bit now and I'm not out of the acute phase. But hell...10 days.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are having withdrawl symptoms,,True,220 ejttig,is this common or am I insane?,1a,help-seeking,5,"I’m not really sure what flair to put this under. this is like a vent, and a discussion, but I’d also like some information on what this could be I have anxiety (among others) I always have really irrational fears/thoughts. I’ll give examples 1. when I’m in a building with more than one floor I tend to think “this could completely collapse and kill everyone (especially if there’s a crack in the roof 2. I’m 17 and I haven’t gotten my license because even as a passenger If I see a car driving down the road towards me i tense up because I’m thinking “they’re not gonna stop. They’re not gonna be able to stop. Somethings going to happen 3. I have a lot of trouble crossing streets and I don’t even live in a highly populated area. When I go to my thoughts are “what If I cross at the wrong time, what If I inconvenience the drivers” does anything else do this? Does anybody know ways to lessen this? Is this just anxiety or could it be something else",hayleysbumblebees,2,0,2,2020-01-04 07:56:07,mentalillness,"I’m not really sure what flair to put this under. this is like a vent, and a discussion, but I’d also like some information on what this could be I have anxiety (among others) I always have really irrational fears/thoughts. I’ll give examples 1. when I’m in a building with more than one floor I tend to think “this could completely collapse and kill everyone (especially if there’s a crack in the roof 2. I’m 17 and I haven’t gotten my license because even as a passenger If I see a car driving down the road towards me i tense up because I’m thinking “they’re not gonna stop. They’re not gonna be able to stop. Somethings going to happen 3. I have a lot of trouble crossing streets and I don’t even live in a highly populated area. When I go to my thoughts are “what If I cross at the wrong time, what If I inconvenience the drivers” does anything else do this? Does anybody know ways to lessen this? Is this just anxiety or could it be something else",2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,your anxiety attacks,,,,True,202 esq840,I want to explode,1a,rant,1,I am sat on the bus back from night shift writing this because If I don’t I’m gonna take someone’s head off. My family has one of the rarest genetic diseases and it’s familial meaning it’s passed through genetics. It’s called GSS. It’s terminal and It ruins you. I don’t want to talk about the symptoms because I’ll cry on the bus and I can’t do that right now. I lost my mum two aunties and my grandma to this shit and now I’ve found out my cousin who has just left an abusive relationship has a diagnosis too. I can’t lose another woman in my life right now. I don’t know what to do anymore I want to fucking end this pain. I can’t hold this in any longer I’m or going to do something,ksavva,1,0,0,2020-01-23 08:22:24,Anger,I am sat on the bus back from night shift writing this because If I don’t I’m gonna take someone’s head off. My family has one of the rarest genetic diseases and it’s familial meaning it’s passed through genetics. It’s called GSS. It’s terminal and It ruins you. I don’t want to talk about the symptoms because I’ll cry on the bus and I can’t do that right now. I lost my mum two aunties and my grandma to this shit and now I’ve found out my cousin who has just left an abusive relationship has a diagnosis too. I can’t lose another woman in my life right now. I don’t know what to do anymore I want to fucking end this pain. I can’t hold this in any longer I’m or going to do something,2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are afraid of losing your cousin,,True,220 ej1zqd,Existential dread before bed,0,survey,2,"Hey guys, For some context, never been a full blown addict but have dabbled in drugs and alcohol since my teens. Never got so out of hand that I had to go to rehab but I’ve fallen pretty deep in alcohol and kratom. Always managed to cut it down once it started to become habit forming and effecting the following day. My question to everyone is this dealing with this terrible feeling I get a few hours before sleep. Without any booze or Kratom I get this dread that overcomes me. It’s a massive and intense emptiness that needs to be filled. I used to use alcohol then started with kratom. I thought kratom was my saviour, but after my tolerance became higher and higher, it started to effect me the next day and I knew it had to go. How do you guys deal? Thx",sublime_424,7,0,12,2020-01-02 18:27:03,addiction,"Hey guys, For some context, never been a full blown addict but have dabbled in drugs and alcohol since my teens. es>Never got so out of hand that I had to go to rehab but I’ve fallen pretty deep in alcohol and kratom. Always managed to cut it down once it started to become habit forming and effecting the following day. My question to everyone is this dealing with this terrible feeling I get a few hours before sleep. Without any booze or Kratom I get this dread that overcomes me. It’s a massive and intense emptiness that needs to be filled. I used to use alcohol then started with kratom. I thought kratom was my saviour, but after my tolerance became higher and higher, it started to effect me the next day and I knew it had to go. How do you guys deal? Thx",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eifbpi,happy new years,0,rant,1,"i hope next year will be a very good year. this year was not a good year for my social anxiety at all. i really want to improve next year, but i don’t quite believe in myself :( anyways, i hope you guys the best of luck next year. hopefully everything gets better <3",sad_miku_hours,1,0,0,2020-01-01 06:51:01,socialanxiety,"i hope next year will be a very good year. this year was not a good year for my social anxiety at all. i really want to improve next year, but i don’t quite believe in myself :( anyways, i hope you guys the best of luck next year. hopefully everything gets better <3",1,0,1,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your social anxiety,How did X make you feel?,your social anxiety,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you plan to overcome social anxiety,,True,101 eut3cn,My girlfriend was physically attacked last night and i dont know how to help her,1b,help-seeking,2,"Ok so this is all very fresh and I’m really angry about this but I will try to keep it as coherent as possible. My girlfriend was in an argument with her step dad last night, and he tried to kick her out(he co-owns the house with her mom, who makes a majority of the income). This is not the first time something like this has happened, its his go to move when he’s angry with her. She was outside with no shoes or phone, and wanted to go back inside to get her phone. She couldn’t find it and went to use her laptop to use the ‘find my iphone’ service. While she is doing this, her step dad is yelling at her to get out of the house and that she isn’t allowed to have her phone. He then tries to take her laptop from her, which she resists. He keeps trying to grab it from her and then pushes her to the ground, twisting her ankle and bruising her leg. He then grabs her laptop and throws it. She still wants to find her phone so she tried to pickup her laptop, which he snatched up before she had a chance to get it. As shes trying to get it from him he throws her to the side again. Her mom is watching the whole thing and is just freaking out. Eventually things calmed down enough where my gf could get her phone, and her mom was going to take her to a hotel for the night so they didnt have to be there. So now my girlfriend doesnt know if she can go back home. Her step dad is very controlling of her mother and has kicked her out in the past. She doesn’t know what to do and she feels that because her injuries aren’t visibile or extreme that she wont be taken seriously if she tries to report this. Can someone give me advice so i can help her?",ineedadvice_12,1,0,4,2020-01-27 19:39:11,domesticviolence,"Ok so this is all very fresh and I’m really angry about this but I will try to keep it as coherent as possible. My girlfriend was in an argument with her step dad last night, and he tried to kick her out(he co-owns the house with her mom, who makes a majority of the income). This is not the first time something like this has happened, its his go to move when he’s angry with her. She was outside with no shoes or phone, and wanted to go back inside to get her phone. She couldn’t find it and went to use her laptop to use the ‘find my iphone’ service. While she is doing this, her step dad is yelling at her to get out of the house and that she isn’t allowed to have her phone. He then tries to take her laptop from her, which she resists. He keeps trying to grab it from her and then pushes her to the ground, twisting her ankle and bruising her leg. He then grabs her laptop and throws it. She still wants to find her phone so she tried to pickup her laptop, which he snatched up before she had a chance to get it. As shes trying to get it from him he throws her to the side again. Her mom is watching the whole thing and is just freaking out. Eventually things calmed down enough where my gf could get her phone, and her mom was going to take her to a hotel for the night so they didnt have to be there. So now my girlfriend doesnt know if she can go back home. Her step dad is very controlling of her mother and has kicked her out in the past. She doesn’t know what to do and she feels that because her injuries aren’t visibile or extreme that she wont be taken seriously if she tries to report this. Can someone give me advice so i can help her?",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,your girlfriend getting attacked by her step dad,,,,True,202 f25fyr,How do I get over not reporting it?,1b,help-seeking,2,"Not reporting it is the “reasonable” choice. I already tried talking to the police, but I was confused and traumatized and unable to explain what happened, and they didn’t believe me and told me out of reporting. I had a rape kit done after it happened, but it only proves we had sex. They could also tell I had vaginal and anal tears and that I was bleeding, but he can still claim it was consensual, and he will, I was way too drunk to fight back. I have no idea who that man is, and if I don’t report him I don’t have to see him or deal with him again. I blame myself so much and I am still trying to get over it, and the process of reporting will probably make it worse because the police will blame me too for a lot of the things I did that night. The will think it is a “grey area” case that will never go to trial. And I am afraid he will find out who I am and threaten me or hurt me if I report him. He doesn’t know my name, I want to keep it that way. But I still can’t let go of the idea of reporting it. I hate that there will be no consequences for him and no official record that it happened. I had that the police called me a liar and I just let them do it. I want to come back and make an official report and let them know I stand by everything I said. Basically, my only chance that the case will go anywhere is if other people have reported him too. But I think it is very likely that he has other victims. Maybe he hasn’t been reported yet, but he might be in the future. I have written about what happened a bunch of times, but I will try to summarize it: I was drunk, I was lost and alone in a dark remote area, I tried to get a cab, he stopped, I got in the car because I thought it was a cab and he started driving. I was scared, I told him to take me home, he said he wanted to stop at his place and get a cigarette, he asked me if I wanted one and I went with him, I remember think I did not want anything to happen with him, the next thing I remember is being on his bed, his is taking my dress up and I am helping him because I am so confused, I realize everything is wrong, I roll away from him and tell him several times I don’t want it to happen, he gets mad at me, I repeat I don’t want it, he pulls down my tights and underwear and starts having sex with me, it happens so fast I literally don’t have time to prevent it, I freeze, lie totally still and wait for it to be over. I think he was planning the whole thing, I think he was preying on me because I was drunk and alone and he will do something similar again, but the police don’t take me seriously because I went to his apartment willingly. How do I live with the fact that there will be no consequences for him?",Still_confused88,1,0,4,2020-02-11 08:16:54,rapecounseling,"Not reporting it is the “reasonable” choice. I already tried talking to the police, but I was confused and traumatized and unable to explain what happened, and they didn’t believe me and told me out of reporting. I had a rape kit done after it happened, but it only proves we had sex. They could also tell I had vaginal and anal tears and that I was bleeding, but he can still claim it was consensual, and he will, I was way too drunk to fight back. I have no idea who that man is, and if I don’t report him I don’t have to see him or deal with him again. I blame myself so much and I am still trying to get over it, and the process of reporting will probably make it worse because the police will blame me too for a lot of the things I did that night. The will think it is a “grey area” case that will never go to trial. And I am afraid he will find out who I am and threaten me or hurt me if I report him. He doesn’t know my name, I want to keep it that way. But I still can’t let go of the idea of reporting it. I hate that there will be no consequences for him and no official record that it happened. I had that the police called me a liar and I just let them do it. I want to come back and make an official report and let them know I stand by everything I said. Basically, my only chance that the case will go anywhere is if other people have reported him too. But I think it is very likely that he has other victims. Maybe he hasn’t been reported yet, but he might be in the future. I have written about what happened a bunch of times, but I will try to summarize it: I was drunk, I was lost and alone in a dark remote area, I tried to get a cab, he stopped, I got in the car because I thought it was a cab and he started driving. I was scared, I told him to take me home, he said he wanted to stop at his place and get a cigarette, he asked me if I wanted one and I went with him, I remember think I did not want anything to happen with him, the next thing I remember is being on his bed, his is taking my dress up and I am helping him because I am so confused, I realize everything is wrong, I roll away from him and tell him several times I don’t want it to happen, he gets mad at me, I repeat I don’t want it, he pulls down my tights and underwear and starts having sex with me, it happens so fast I literally don’t have time to prevent it, I freeze, lie totally still and wait for it to be over. I think he was planning the whole thing, I think he was preying on me because I was drunk and alone and he will do something similar again, but the police don’t take me seriously because I went to his apartment willingly. How do I live with the fact that there will be no consequences for him?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eio38p,Grateful,0,chitchat,1,1 year sober today. Words can't express how grateful and blessed I am. If it wasn't for AA I would probably be in prison or dead.,Swain914,1,0,5,2020-01-01 21:28:57,alcoholicsanonymous,1 year sober today. Words can't express how grateful and blessed I am. If it wasn't for AA I would probably be in prison or dead.,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 elz95j,Overwhelmed on day 13,1a,help-seeking,1,"Tonight will be 14 days no alcohol. And today I’m overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with staying sober, overwhelmed emotionally from healing from leaving my narcissistic abusive boyfriend over 2 months ago, overwhelmed about what I’m going to do next with myself. Overwhelmed with guilt for things I’ve done because of my drinking. Just plain overwhelmed: I need some prayers.",TreeDizzle86,1,0,9,2020-01-08 21:31:12,alcoholicsanonymous,"Tonight will be 14 days no alcohol. And today I’m overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with staying sober, overwhelmed emotionally from healing from leaving my narcissistic abusive boyfriend over 2 months ago, overwhelmed about what I’m going to do next with myself. Overwhelmed with guilt for things I’ve done because of my drinking. Just plain overwhelmed: I need some prayers.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel overwhelmed staying sober,,True,220 em3418,Abusive ex girlfriend,1b,rant,2,"i feel bad posting this because i don't feel that it's on the same level of what other people have gone through, but it's still something i feel bad enough to post here. when i was in 4th grade, a girl forced me to be her boyfriend. most people say that i could've easily said no or asserted myself more, and it is true that i was a beta cuck back in the day and i let people walk all over me, but looking back on it i don't think i actually could've done anything. this girl was crazy abusive and manipulative. she would full on bitch slap me across the face when i didn't do what she wanted. i refuse to hug her or let her touch me, and i'd get bitch slapped. it got to the point where i'd get bruises on my face and my mother would eventually call the principal about me being ""bullied"". this girl was just very strange and made me uncomfortable. one time in class, i'm 90% sure she sharted herself on account of the sound and smell of it, and when she did she looked at me and flashed this weird seductive look at me and asked me to go to the bathroom with her. she'd touch me in places that weren't right and i wasn't comfortable with, and she'd do it in front of other people. in retrospect, it's glaringly obvious that this was all wrong, but the adults who knew about it did nothing. the worst part is that i just let all of this happen, and i don't even really know why. eventually she broke up with me because i refused to slow dance with her at the school field trip to the local roller skating park. i'm 17 now, and i'm a lot better about it, but it still fucks me up to this day. i've done of good job of repressing this lately, but after a recent break up, it made me realize this is still affecting me and all of my relationships. my relationships rarely last more than three months because i have attachment issues and massive mood swings, and all of this is an indirect result of my experiences with my 4th grade girlfriend. tldr: had an abusive girlfriend in 4th grade and it's still affecting me eight years later",Mount-St-Helena,1,0,0,2020-01-09 02:24:03,ptsd,"i feel bad posting this because i don't feel that it's on the same level of what other people have gone through, but it's still something i feel bad enough to post here. when i was in 4th grade, a girl forced me to be her boyfriend. most people say that i could've easily said no or asserted myself more, and it is true that i was a beta cuck back in the day and i let people walk all over me, but looking back on it i don't think i actually could've done anything. this girl was crazy abusive and manipulative. she would full on bitch slap me across the face when i didn't do what she wanted. i refuse to hug her or let her touch me, and i'd get bitch slapped. it got to the point where i'd get bruises on my face and my mother would eventually call the principal about me being ""bullied"". this girl was just very strange and made me uncomfortable. one time in class, i'm 90% sure she sharted herself on account of the sound and smell of it, and when she did she looked at me and flashed this weird seductive look at me and asked me to go to the bathroom with her. she'd touch me in places that weren't right and i wasn't comfortable with, and she'd do it in front of other people. in retrospect, it's glaringly obvious that this was all wrong, but the adults who knew about it did nothing. the worst part is that i just let all of this happen, and i don't even really know why. eventually she broke up with me because i refused to slow dance with her at the school field trip to the local roller skating park. i'm 17 now, and i'm a lot better about it, but it still fucks me up to this day. i've done of good job of repressing this lately, but after a recent break up, it made me realize this is still affecting me and all of my relationships. my relationships rarely last more than three months because i have attachment issues and massive mood swings, and all of this is an indirect result of my experiences with my 4th grade girlfriend. tldr: had an abusive girlfriend in 4th grade and it's still affecting me eight years later",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,what would help you deal with your past trauma,,True,220 eicmas,I need support,1a,rant,1,"I’ve been clean for 48 days,it’s been rough,I promised my mom that I would never do it again,but it’s really strong rn,I can’t tell her about my urges because we’re not that open of a family,I think I’m about to relapse,I keep thinking,”just this one time,then your done,she doesn’t even have to know.”but I know that it’s not going to be just one time,I don’t even feel sad,just the kinda sick I get with withdrawal.i could really use your guys support rn ):",yeet2678,1,0,4,2020-01-01 02:18:56,selfharm,"I’ve been clean for 48 days,it’s been rough,I promised my mom that I would never do it again,but it’s really strong rn,I can’t tell her about my urges because we’re not that open of a family,I think I’m about to relapse,I keep thinking,”just this one time,then your done,she doesn’t even have to know.”but I know that it’s not going to be just one time,I don’t even feel sad,just the kinda sick I get with withdrawal.i could really use your guys support rn ):",2,1,0,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how the withdrawl makes you feel,What do you need help with now that X?,you are sick due to the withdrawl,,True,210 ekx71d,Ritalin changed my girlfriend,1b,rant,2,"My adhd 22 year old beautiful girl has just been sectioned and I'm typing while she is examined. She has been a smile, content confident lady, she swims and draws and is liked by everyone, she had an amazing figure and had a nice upbringing. She was given medicine (concerta because she wasnt able to stay on track as she was at work, shes always been this way, when we talk she changed subject abit and after visiting a consultant she was told she had add . Day one on the tablets she became quite chatty and empathetic, very motivated. Not wired but abit more happy. This stopped as the meds co tinued and she was back to herself. However after a few months I noticed when she wasnt taking it she didn't talk full stop. She didn't want to do much and speak to people. She didn't seem to crave the pills she could take time off it and not have difficulty but she just seemed depressed. Her consultant stopped the medication because she wanted to see how she did but had not said she wont be starting them again, I had not been informed about it but apparently when the doctor told her she broke down, saying she would gain weight and that without it she isnt herself. And the doc said this was not a safe sign. About 5 days after she was stopped on the pills (she was gradually removed off them) she stopped speaking with nme and didn't attend her job. I was very concerned when I visited her place she said she just didn't feel good and she needed a break. She said she needed to be on her own because her head was spinning. I was going to the uk the same day, when I returned a few days after me and her mum went to see her because she had not been speaking much to anyone. I cant bring myself to say it without getting upset myself but no words sum what I seen. We opened the door and she was just laying there in her clothes she had when we last chatted. She had not showered or got up, she had not even been able to use the toilet she was so miserable she had actually just been going in her pants. Its seems like she was relying on the pills to live but like this is just horrendous, I almost attacked the consultant for stopping the pills but I guess that this would have happened one day when her tolerance raised. Not really 100% on why I typed that but I guess I just didn't know who to talk to, I do not see her parents alot and I dont really know if I can talk to her mates because she didn't seem to want anybody involved.",Smashyland,1,0,7,2020-01-06 17:27:12,addiction,"My adhd 22 year old beautiful girl has just been sectioned and I'm typing while she is examined. She has been a smile, content confident lady, she swims and draws and is liked by everyone, she had an amazing figure and had a nice upbringing. She was given medicine (concerta because she wasnt able to stay on track as she was at work, shes always been this way, when we talk she changed subject abit and after visiting a consultant she was told she had add . Day one on the tablets she became quite chatty and empathetic, very motivated. Not wired but abit more happy. This stopped as the meds co tinued and she was back to herself. However after a few months I noticed when she wasnt taking it she didn't talk full stop. She didn't want to do much and speak to people. She didn't seem to crave the pills she could take time off it and not have difficulty but she just seemed depressed. Her consultant stopped the medication because she wanted to see how she did but had not said she wont be starting them again, I had not been informed about it but apparently when the doctor told her she broke down, saying she would gain weight and that without it she isnt herself. And the doc said this was not a safe sign. About 5 days after she was stopped on the pills (she was gradually removed off them) she stopped speaking with nme and didn't attend her job. I was very concerned when I visited her place she said she just didn't feel good and she needed a break. She said she needed to be on her own because her head was spinning. I was going to the uk the same day, when I returned a few days after me and her mum went to see her because she had not been speaking much to anyone. I cant bring myself to say it without getting upset myself but no words sum what I seen. We opened the door and she was just laying there in her clothes she had when we last chatted. She had not showered or got up, she had not even been able to use the toilet she was so miserable she had actually just been going in her pants. Its seems like she was relying on the pills to live but like this is just horrendous, I almost attacked the consultant for stopping the pills but I guess that this would have happened one day when her tolerance raised. Not really 100% on why I typed that but I guess I just didn't know who to talk to, I do not see her parents alot and I dont really know if I can talk to her mates because she didn't seem to want anybody involved.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,your girlfriend is feeling miserable without pills,,True,220 f2q0uz,Life sucks,0,rant,1,How do i stop loving her? I got her in my head shes a parasite. Dug her way into my heart and i cant get her out. I let her in and she turned me away. It happens to often to me. I think it'll get easier to cope with but the rejection gets harder and harder. At least she seems to be happy and growing as a person,CarthOnasi24,1,0,8,2020-02-12 11:47:11,getting_over_it,How do i stop loving her? I got her in my head shes a parasite. Dug her way into my heart and i cant get her out. I let her in and she turned me away. It happens to often to me. I think it'll get easier to cope with but the rejection gets harder and harder. At least she seems to be happy and growing as a person,1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,relationship,How did X make you feel?,the rejection,,,,True,102 eiay55,I thought I had it all together but clearly I didn't (tw: sex),1b,help-seeking,3,"Some days ago I found out my partner uploaded some of our sex videos on the internet without me knowing. We are kinky heads, also my face was not showing on the vids so the content didn't really bother me that much, but the issue was I was made to understand these vids would be private and never agreed to upload them anywhere. I contacted him about it saying how I was hurt by him lying to me and that it is not how I wish to be treated. He replied asking if we could go over the issue in a couple of days and through a phone call rather than texts (he's now abroad traveling) as he was facing an extremely busy period ahead of him. He said he'd uploaded them as a trial before we would possibly move on to actually uploading porn content, something he's suggested in the past and to what I haven't given a response yet. However, that was not good enough of an answer for me so I pushed it over the texts in an effort to get some comfort or apology from him, creating more misunderstanding on the way until he called me a baby and said he was fed up with my behavior, which is when I lost it. I told him he didn't care about being told no and that it was childish of him. Bam in the next message he broke up with me saying I didn't have any empathy for him at all when he said he was willing to talk about it calmly after his busy days - which is true and I accept responsibility for it. But on top of that he threw some assumptions about me based on his experience with his ex, basically saying I was trying to prove myself to get his approval instead of doing things because I wanted to. I'm not sure if this narrative applies to me. After the last problem we've had in our relationship I've gone from codependent to emotionally detached (👏🏻) as a way to never have to be called clingy again so if anything, I was being selfish this time. Anyway here I am spending NYE bitter and hopeless. Another time I thought I was going normal about a problem and it ended in a spectacular crash. I thought I was defending my boundaries, I ended up reacting and attacking him. For now I suppressed most of my negative emotions telling myself that in actuality I was addicted to sex with him more than in love, however I can't deny the fact that that relationship could have had a good impact on my healing overtime. I feel temporarily incapable of pursuing another relationship, in fact I'm considering spending 2020 single but then again I feel like I'm wasting my youth whenever I don't have a partner for a longer period. I'm beyond trying to figure out who's in the right and who's in the wrong in this situation. I let him have his narrative which has more to do with him than it does with me. Sorry for a pointless rant, I just find the situation too bizarre to tell any of my friends but I needed to share it and possibly get others' take on it. Does any of you know any alternatives for letting all your anger out and fucking up your relationship when you're triggered like I was? How do I stay in balance between not having my boundaries stepped over and taking it too far with another person when I feel they've been crossed?",N2425,1,0,3,2019-12-31 23:55:58,BPD,"Some days ago I found out my partner uploaded some of our sex videos on the internet without me knowing. We are kinky heads, also my face was not showing on the vids so the content didn't really bother me that much, but the issue was I was made to understand these vids would be private and never agreed to upload them anywhere. I contacted him about it saying how I was hurt by him lying to me and that it is not how I wish to be treated. He replied asking if we could go over the issue in a couple of days and through a phone call rather than texts (he's now abroad traveling) as he was facing an extremely busy period ahead of him. He said he'd uploaded them as a trial before we would possibly move on to actually uploading porn content, something he's suggested in the past and to what I haven't given a response yet. However, that was not good enough of an answer for me so I pushed it over the texts in an effort to get some comfort or apology from him, creating more misunderstanding on the way until he called me a baby and said he was fed up with my behavior, which is when I lost it. I told him he didn't care about being told no and that it was childish of him. Bam in the next message he broke up with me saying I didn't have any empathy for him at all when he said he was willing to talk about it calmly after his busy days - which is true and I accept responsibility for it. But on top of that he threw some assumptions about me based on his experience with his ex, basically saying I was trying to prove myself to get his approval instead of doing things because I wanted to. I'm not sure if this narrative applies to me. After the last problem we've had in our relationship I've gone from codependent to emotionally detached (👏🏻) as a way to never have to be called clingy again so if anything, I was being selfish this time. Anyway here I am spending NYE bitter and hopeless. Another time I thought I was going normal about a problem and it ended in a spectacular crash. I thought I was defending my boundaries, I ended up reacting and attacking him. For now I suppressed most of my negative emotions telling myself that in actuality I was addicted to sex with him more than in love, however I can't deny the fact that that relationship could have had a good impact on my healing overtime. I feel temporarily incapable of pursuing another relationship, in fact I'm considering spending 2020 single but then again I feel like I'm wasting my youth whenever I don't have a partner for a longer period. I'm beyond trying to figure out who's in the right and who's in the wrong in this situation. I let him have his narrative which has more to do with him than it does with me. Sorry for a pointless rant, I just find the situation too bizarre to tell any of my friends but I needed to share it and possibly get others' take on it. Does any of you know any alternatives for letting all your anger out and fucking up your relationship when you're triggered like I was? How do I stay in balance between not having my boundaries stepped over and taking it too far with another person when I feel they've been crossed?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eoqyoi,Do most alcoholics in recovery drink a ton of coffee??,1b,help-seeking,1,Have been dating someone who is 4 years sober. She drinks coffee like there’s no tomorrow...had about 8 cups one afternoon. Is this usual?! I don’t mind the occasional cup of coffee myself but this seems a bit extreme to me...?!,dbhalberg,1,0,80,2020-01-14 20:30:43,alcoholicsanonymous, Do most alcoholics in recovery drink a ton of coffee?? Have been dating someone who is 4 years sober. She drinks coffee like there’s no tomorrow...had about 8 cups one afternoon. Is this usual?! I don’t mind the occasional cup of coffee myself but this seems a bit extreme to me...?!,1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,addiction to coffee,,,,,,True,122 elx654,self care after a flashback/episode??,1a,help-seeking,1,"after i have a flashback/episode (still don’t know if they’re 100% flashbacks but i am diagnosed. i’m not sure though) this is the list of things i feel after them though: complete crap tried anxious irritable sensory overload such is easier to get to don’t want to talk much want to stay home play video games to distract/feel better like i don’t want to exist apathetic/depressed zone out extra easy (just thinking about anything) i wasn’t sure if this was actually related or if i’m just overthinking it. i was also interested if anyone had any self care or something you do when you feel like this. bc god i feel like crap. i also have to spend all day with my family so that really sucks a lot. thanks!",reeceislame,1,0,6,2020-01-08 19:05:25,ptsd,after i have a flashback/episode (still don’t know if they’re 100% flashbacks but i am diagnosed. i’m not sure though) this is the list of things i feel after them though: complete crap tried anxious irritable sensory overload such is easier to get to don’t want to talk much want to stay home play video games to distract/feel better like i don’t want to exist apathetic/depressed zone out extra easy (just thinking about anything) i wasn’t sure if this was actually related or if i’m just overthinking it. i was also interested if anyone had any self care or something you do when you feel like this. bc god i feel like crap. i also have to spend all day with my family so that really sucks a lot. thanks!,1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your flashbacks,,,,,,True,122 eyyipg,Unsettled by how angry I felt during a night out drinking with gf and her family,1b,rant,3,"Last weekend I made a 4 hour trip with my new gf to visit her family for her cousin's birthday. Keep in mind myself, gf, and girl cousin are all 30 years old. **10:00pm** We get to the bar/club, it's packed, the kind of place where people are constantly bumping into you. At one point I head to the bathroom for the second time and didn't realize, unlike the first trip, there is now a line. An older guy grabs my arm very hard and says, ""THERE'S A LINE"" and I'm immediately enraged. I shook his hand off of me and said ""You can say that without touching me"" So he grabs my arm AGAIN and repeats himself. I shake him off, lean down, and repeat myself and head back to the end of the line. On the way out of the bathroom the guy makes a point to bump into me. **12:00** It's getting late, about 2 hours of talking to her family in a loud bar where you can barely hear, I'm pretty drunk so I go to the bar to order a water. I say to the bartender, ""Can I get a water, no ice."" He turns, fills a cup up with ice, fills it with water and hands it to me. I say, ""no ice"" and he snaps at me, ""You're not even ordering drinks man!"" I'm livid. I've spent nearly $100 on drinks at the other bar this place has and I yell back, ""Just fill up a cup without ice man."" He takes his time, takes some other people's orders, and finally gives me a water, no ice. **12:30am** My gf and I had plans the next morning so I was ready to leave. Her family start saying goodbye's but I noticed something...they wink at me, slap me on the back and say, ""take care of her! Make sure she gets home safe!"" and I realize they're leaving her cousin, the birthday girl. Now up until this point her family have all been great to talk to. The dad was nice and we had a great convo. It's now just me, my gf, and the girl cousin. Cousin goes to the bar to get us drinks, I offer to pay but she declines. We stay and drink for about 20 minutes before I kind of nudge my girlfriend saying, ""Let's head back soon since we have stuff to do tomorrow."" My girlfriend is kind of hammered and agrees and actually puts her drink down and says she's done drinking. **1:00am** She mentions to the cousin that we might head out soon and her cousin starts guilt tripping us. She says to me, ""you just want to get her back to the hotel so you can fuck her."" Extremely rude but I laugh it off and tell her jokingly, ""we're actually waiting until marriage."" **1:15am** They head to the bathroom together and when they come back the cousin says, ""I'm coming to meet your dog at the hotel!"" (we brought my gf's dog) Our hotel with a queen bed and no couch is 30 minutes from the bar and the hotel her and her parents are staying at is somewhere else. I say, ""but where are you staying tonight?"" She replies, ""with you guys...looks like no sex for you tonight."" I'm blown away by how rude this comment is. It's insulting to me and the relationship I have with my gf. And it's like she has some personal issue with me wanting to go home with my gf. My gf doesn't hear any of this. At this point I'm pretty angry. I tell her that's not happening and that I'm more than happy to get her an uber back to her parents place but she persists. Saying that she's coming over to meet the dog. I put my foot down and say it's absolutely not happening and if she wants to meet the dog she's more than welcome to join us tomorrow. I spend the next 10 minutes trying to get this cousin an uber home to her hotel but she, ""can't remember where it is"" and at one point she hands me her phone to text her family for the address. I text her dad, her sister, and eventually find a reservation email with the address. The uber is on it's way and we walk out of the bar, the cousin is shivering, I even give her my jacket while we wait for the uber. I see the uber and wave him down. He says, ""I'm dropping these people off and I'll be right there!"" A minute passes and my gf looks me dead in the eyes and says, ""should we get her an uber or something?"" and I snap. ""WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? That's literally what we just talked about for 10 minutes and that's what we're waiting for right now."" She gets upset. The drive home I felt so angry, frustrated, disrespected, and just generally out of my mind annoyed. I wanted to be alone but it just wasn't an option. The cousin ended up going home and puking in the shower for hours apparently. Gf agreed the next day what the cousin said was out of line. Just needed to vent on a very annoying situation.",isthatyoujohnwayne2,1,0,7,2020-02-04 22:35:51,Anger,"Last weekend I made a 4 hour trip with my new gf to visit her family for her cousin's birthday. Keep in mind myself, gf, and girl cousin are all 30 years old. **10:00pm** We get to the bar/club, it's packed, the kind of place where people are constantly bumping into you. At one point I head to the bathroom for the second time and didn't realize, unlike the first trip, there is now a line. An older guy grabs my arm very hard and says, ""THERE'S A LINE"" and I'm immediately enraged. I shook his hand off of me and said ""You can say that without touching me"" So he grabs my arm AGAIN and repeats himself. I shake him off, lean down, and repeat myself and head back to the end of the line. On the way out of the bathroom the guy makes a point to bump into me. **12:00** It's getting late, about 2 hours of talking to her family in a loud bar where you can barely hear, I'm pretty drunk so I go to the bar to order a water. I say to the bartender, ""Can I get a water, no ice."" He turns, fills a cup up with ice, fills it with water and hands it to me. I say, ""no ice"" and he snaps at me, ""You're not even ordering drinks man!"" I'm livid. I've spent nearly $100 on drinks at the other bar this place has and I yell back, ""Just fill up a cup without ice man."" He takes his time, takes some other people's orders, and finally gives me a water, no ice. **12:30am** My gf and I had plans the next morning so I was ready to leave. Her family start saying goodbye's but I noticed something...they wink at me, slap me on the back and say, ""take care of her! Make sure she gets home safe!"" and I realize they're leaving her cousin, the birthday girl. Now up until this point her family have all been great to talk to. The dad was nice and we had a great convo. It's now just me, my gf, and the girl cousin. Cousin goes to the bar to get us drinks, I offer to pay but she declines. We stay and drink for about 20 minutes before I kind of nudge my girlfriend saying, ""Let's head back soon since we have stuff to do tomorrow."" My girlfriend is kind of hammered and agrees and actually puts her drink down and says she's done drinking. **1:00am** She mentions to the cousin that we might head out soon and her cousin starts guilt tripping us. She says to me, ""you just want to get her back to the hotel so you can fuck her."" Extremely rude but I laugh it off and tell her jokingly, ""we're actually waiting until marriage."" **1:15am** They head to the bathroom together and when they come back the cousin says, ""I'm coming to meet your dog at the hotel!"" (we brought my gf's dog) Our hotel with a queen bed and no couch is 30 minutes from the bar and the hotel her and her parents are staying at is somewhere else. I say, ""but where are you staying tonight?"" She replies, ""with you guys...looks like no sex for you tonight."" I'm blown away by how rude this comment is. It's insulting to me and the relationship I have with my gf. And it's like she has some personal issue with me wanting to go home with my gf. My gf doesn't hear any of this. At this point I'm pretty angry. I tell her that's not happening and that I'm more than happy to get her an uber back to her parents place but she persists. Saying that she's coming over to meet the dog. I put my foot down and say it's absolutely not happening and if she wants to meet the dog she's more than welcome to join us tomorrow. I spend the next 10 minutes trying to get this cousin an uber home to her hotel but she, ""can't remember where it is"" and at one point she hands me her phone to text her family for the address. I text her dad, her sister, and eventually find a reservation email with the address. The uber is on it's way and we walk out of the bar, the cousin is shivering, I even give her my jacket while we wait for the uber. I see the uber and wave him down. He says, ""I'm dropping these people off and I'll be right there!"" A minute passes and my gf looks me dead in the eyes and says, ""should we get her an uber or something?"" and I snap. ""WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? That's literally what we just talked about for 10 minutes and that's what we're waiting for right now."" She gets upset. The drive home I felt so angry, frustrated, disrespected, and just generally out of my mind annoyed. I wanted to be alone but it just wasn't an option. The cousin ended up going home and puking in the shower for hours apparently. Gf agreed the next day what the cousin said was out of line. Just needed to vent on a very annoying situation.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you felt angry and frustrated about the incident,,True,220 em8nd3,Drama or issues?,1a,help-seeking,1,"So my life is always and will always be hectic af because I work as a carer. Lately things haven't been right, my partner seems distant despite telling me he loves me daily. My friends seem to be disinterested. I feel hideous and overweight. I've lost my appetite and often do. An ex who is a mutual friend of my current partner has kicked up a fuss about us dating since we got together, is once again abandoning my partner for being with me, I can't help but worry im the issue. I guess what I'm getting at is does anyone have a similar experience with any of this stuff? Any advice for how I can get past it?",popillol19,1,0,4,2020-01-09 11:57:14,selfhelp,"So my life is always and will always be hectic af because I work as a carer. Lately things haven't been right, my partner seems distant despite telling me he loves me daily. My friends seem to be disinterested. I feel hideous and overweight. I've lost my appetite and often do. An ex who is a mutual friend of my current partner has kicked up a fuss about us dating since we got together, is once again abandoning my partner for being with me, I can't help but worry im the issue. I guess what I'm getting at is does anyone have a similar experience with any of this stuff? Any advice for how I can get past it?",2,1,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about your ex abandoning your partner,,,,True,212 eiq0ov,Been off of my meds for about a week and I feel like I'm going insane,1a,help-seeking,1,"I was previously on a low dosages of Quetiapine and a high dosages of Venlafaxine for around 2 months. Recently I believed my medication to be giving me horrific tooth pains and headaches so I gradually came off of them and have been completely off for about a week. I feel like everything is rushing back, I feel everything and nothing at once. I can't stop thinking about overdosing or slitting my arms open. I'm so worried as I have a tendency to ghost employers/no longer attend and I really need this Job and I'm worried it'll go to nothing and I'll put myself in such a worse position. I've been discharged from primary mental health because i missed an appointment and now i feel like a failure and what do i do now.",charlottekathryn,1,0,1,2020-01-02 00:00:17,BPD,"I was previously on a low dosages of Quetiapine and a high dosages of Venlafaxine for around 2 months. Recently I believed my medication to be giving me horrific tooth pains and headaches so I gradually came off of them and have been completely off for about a week. I feel like everything is rushing back, I feel everything and nothing at once. I can't stop thinking about overdosing or slitting my arms open. I'm so worried as I have a tendency to ghost employers/no longer attend and I really need this Job and I'm worried it'll go to nothing and I'll put myself in such a worse position. I've been discharged from primary mental health because i missed an appointment and now i feel like a failure and what do i do now.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,being off the medicine makes you think about self harm,,True,220 eybdh8,Miserable human haunted with vengeance,1b,help-seeking,1,"I'm a 23 year old male. I was sexually abused by a much older cousin between the ages of 4 and 9. I've already told my family about this even to his parents. I go to therapy once a week. But I still live everyday wanting to murder this piece of garbage. Also he is my neighbour so that is even more sinister for me. I'm definitely miserable. I think of committing suicide everyday although i would murder my abuser first. Please i need help. I don't want to self destruct because of my pain. Love to all",aldoushuxley69,1,0,0,2020-02-03 18:26:21,rapecounseling,I'm a 23 year old male. I was sexually abused by a much older cousin between the ages of 4 and 9. I've already told my family about this even to his parents. I go to therapy once a week. But I still live everyday wanting to murder this piece of garbage. Also he is my neighbour so that is even more sinister for me. I'm definitely miserable. I think of committing suicide everyday although i would murder my abuser first. Please i need help. I don't want to self destruct because of my pain. Love to all,2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help relieve your pain,,True,221 eitdhi,I think I may be a conversation hog,1a,help-seeking,1,"I don't get out much and I also work from home, so, when I do get out among social situations (like group dinners with friends, colleagues, or whatever), I think I tend to talk too much (because I'm so not used to being in these social situations), which probably leads some to think I'm self-centered. Afterwards when I get home and I think about it, I often feel like I failed and talked too much. I'm just looking for any tips on how to handle this or is it just a matter of reminding myself to try not to be a conversation hog?",i-x-o,1,0,1,2020-01-02 04:36:15,socialanxiety,"I don't get out much and I also work from home, so, when I do get out among social situations (like group dinners with friends, colleagues, or whatever), I think I tend to talk too much (because I'm so not used to being in these social situations), which probably leads some to think I'm self-centered. Afterwards when I get home and I think about it, I often feel like I failed and talked too much. I'm just looking for any tips on how to handle this or is it just a matter of reminding myself to try not to be a conversation hog?",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 ei9vdq,My anxiety ruined my wife,1a,chitchat,4,"The times when you asked me to go out in town. The look on your face and your sad little frown. I wanted more than anything to be able to say “yes”. But, for me inside, I felt total distress. The pain in your eyes, when I would tell you “no.” All you wanted was for me to up and go. I felt trapped and helpless and sorry and such. But to leave the house was far too much. The thoughts in my mind, made it difficult to leave. Sometimes I would struggle, just to breath. My hands would tingle and my heart would race. I could feel the tears as they ran down my face. All I wanted was for you to hold my hand. And tell me how much you understand. But in my head, I knew you could never see. And I guess that’s why you had to leave me. I would never look to point and blame. And I’d never want you to feel the same. I now sit alone, with this broken heart. Wishing we never had to fall apart. When I open my eyes, I can still not see. I’m sorry you thought it was all about me.",jamezmccann,1,0,2,2019-12-31 22:29:13,Anxiety,"The times when you asked me to go out in town. The look on your face and your sad little frown. I wanted more than anything to be able to say “yes”. But, for me inside, I felt total distress. The pain in your eyes, when I would tell you “no.” All you wanted was for me to up and go. I felt trapped and helpless and sorry and such. But to leave the house was far too much. The thoughts in my mind, made it difficult to leave. Sometimes I would struggle, just to breath. My hands would tingle and my heart would race. I could feel the tears as they ran down my face. All I wanted was for you to hold my hand. And tell me how much you understand. But in my head, I knew you could never see. And I guess that’s why you had to leave me. I would never look to point and blame. And I’d never want you to feel the same. I now sit alone, with this broken heart. Wishing we never had to fall apart. When I open my eyes, I can still not see. I’m sorry you thought it was all about me.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 ek84ij,When do you know if you should go to rehab?,0,help-seeking,1,At what point to does one realize they need to go. I can’t decide and it’s killing me inside. Does it even help? I’m so lost I want to die.,Ijustwannagiveitatry,2,0,23,2020-01-05 04:37:16,OpiatesRecovery,When do you know if you should go to rehab? At what point to does one realize they need to go. I can’t decide and it’s killing me inside. Does it even help? I’m so lost I want to die.,0,0,2,What happened that you want X ?,to go to rehab,What caused you to need X ?,rehab,,,,True,002 f30u2u,I don't know what to do,1b,help-seeking,1,The two-year anniversary of me leaving my abusive ex is coming up. He was so horrible to me he abused me in every way you can think.he sexually abused me for 5 years straight everyday. I almost died and had to get surgery because of what he did to me. I have memory loss from him hitting me in the head and teeth missing because of him punching me in the face. I've tried to get him arrested and his daughter taken away from him because he does the same to her. Her mom is desperately trying to get her back but the state won't listen to me about what he's done without a lawyer. And the last time her mom saw her she had bruises all over her and said that what her dad was touching her and that she wanted to kill herself because nobody would listen since she lives with him ... she only 8 yrs old she shouldn't have to go through any of this.,Midnight-Trinity,1,0,10,2020-02-13 00:04:58,domesticviolence,The two-year anniversary of me leaving my abusive ex is coming up. He was so horrible to me he abused me in every way you can think.he sexually abused me for 5 years straight everyday. I almost died and had to get surgery because of what he did to me. I have memory loss from him hitting me in the head and teeth missing because of him punching me in the face. I've tried to get him arrested and his daughter taken away from him because he does the same to her. Her mom is desperately trying to get her back but the state won't listen to me about what he's done without a lawyer. And the last time her mom saw her she had bruises all over her and said that what her dad was touching her and that she wanted to kill herself because nobody would listen since she lives with him ... she only 8 yrs old she shouldn't have to go through any of this.,2,0,0,,,How did X make you feel?,your ex abusing his daughter,What do you need help with now that X?,your ex is abusing his daughter,,True,200 eir88a,DAE feel so much they decide to block all emotions,1a,survey,1,Sometimes i hate that i feel so much so i decide to try not feel it doesn't necessarily work but when i pull it off i can go days without feeling any emotion its dangerous because when i dont feel i dont care either and lose friends over some horrible things i say. But it better to not feel at all than to feel sad... sometimes,throwaway1ot,1,0,4,2020-01-02 01:36:59,BPD,Sometimes i hate that i feel so much so i decide to try not feel it doesn't necessarily work but when i pull it off i can go days without feeling any emotion its dangerous because when i dont feel i dont care either and lose friends over some horrible things i say. But it better to not feel at all than to feel sad... sometimes,0,2,0,What made you feel X ?,overwhelmed by your emotions,,,What can help you overcome X ?,the feeling of being overwhelmed by your emotions,,True,020 eielq1,it’s the roaring twenties now and I’m still sad 🎉,1a,rant,2,"I’m sorry for the rant but I need to get this off my chest I’m sorry this is really self centred of me: It’s been a while since I’ve cut. I was somewhat happy for a while, I guess. Or convinced myself that I was. It doesn’t matter. It’s just that, I’m so empty and sad. Everyone else is so happy and living these amazing lives. I have one really good friend that I love so much, but she doesn’t understand but is still there for me. I haven’t told her about my sh because she has her own problems. My other friends would understand I think, but they’re also going through their own things. If I told my dad, he’d say to stop being so lazy, without knowing how that comment effects my mental health. If I told my mom, she’d have me on the highest dosage of antidepressants and anxiety meds she could get her hands on and send me to therapy, like she did when I didn’t want to live with her for valid reasons. Therapy really kickstarted my depression. I just feel like a burden to everyone. An inconvenience. I got so anxious about my cuts since nobody could know. I was just so alone. I know I’ll come back to sh soon, but I hate feeling so alone. The feeling made everything feel better, it made me feel whole, in an odd way. I guess that’s why I joined this community. I’m sorry for the rant, it’s self indulgent of me to put the weight of this on others but I’ll break without some outlet. Have a good new year💜",lemmebeurhufflebuddy,1,0,0,2020-01-01 05:33:45,selfharm,"I’m sorry for the rant but I need to get this off my chest I’m sorry this is really self centred of me: It’s been a while since I’ve cut. I was somewhat happy for a while, I guess. Or convinced myself that I was. It doesn’t matter. It’s just that, I’m so empty and sad. Everyone else is so happy and living these amazing lives. I have one really good friend that I love so much, but she doesn’t understand but is still there for me. I haven’t told her about my sh because she has her own problems. My other friends would understand I think, but they’re also going through their own things. If I told my dad, he’d say to stop being so lazy, without knowing how that comment effects my mental health. If I told my mom, she’d have me on the highest dosage of antidepressants and anxiety meds she could get her hands on and send me to therapy, like she did when I didn’t want to live with her for valid reasons. Therapy really kickstarted my depression. I just feel like a burden to everyone. An inconvenience. I got so anxious about my cuts since nobody could know. I was just so alone. I know I’ll come back to sh soon, but I hate feeling so alone. The feeling made everything feel better, it made me feel whole, in an odd way. I guess that’s why I joined this community. I’m sorry for the rant, it’s self indulgent of me to put the weight of this on others but I’ll break without some outlet. Have a good new year💜",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help cure your depression,,True,221 enjehr,Dealing with memories you’re not sure are real?,1a,help-seeking,2,"I have two memories of my time with a family friend that are of me being inappropriately touched by the family friend. However, they are so cloudy and vague I really don’t know if they’re real. I was later raped when I was ten and that memory is different... vivid and while I can’t remember his face or what happened before or after the incident I clearly remember the incident. Which is why I’m questioning if the other memories are just something made up or not. I do remember some behaviors I did before the rape and around the time of these unsure memories that seem weird or possibly not normal. Until I was about 9 I would touch myself occasionally in public but in a less obvious way. Almost like I know I shouldn’t. I don’t remember why I did it other than I know it felt good and I don’t know how I figured how to do what I did. I stopped doing it when I realized it was an embarrassing thing to do in front of people. I still did it privately. Even though I was very much potty trained...at age 6 and 7 I had a few accidents in bed at night after waking up from nightmares. I don’t remember the nightmares. I would have sleep paralysis where I would see a man standing next to my bed but couldn’t move or etc... I don’t know. But I worry that my brain is just making stuff up and it’s not real. I also know that some of these behaviors can also be developmentally normal although I question normal when 6/7/8/9. I have kids of my own and they don’t do stuff like what I did at all and I have kids at various ages. I have a therapist and we’ve talked about it briefly but I recently said I want to sort it out more. I haven’t told him about the behaviors I mentioned etc... it took me quite a while to feel safe telling him about my rape which I had never told anyone about as well as how I was groomed by online predators later after my rape. So it’s difficult to talk about it still and I still have a near impossible time talking about anything related to sex out loud. I struggle to even say the word “sex” out loud without so much anxiety. My therapist said only I can really determine if those memories are real. I just don’t know how. They seem so real but not real at the same time and it’s literally two 3-5 second memories.",humblyeden,1,0,0,2020-01-12 05:19:31,rapecounseling,"I have two memories of my time with a family friend that are of me being inappropriately touched by the family friend. However, they are so cloudy and vague I really don’t know if they’re real. I was later raped when I was ten and that memory is different... vivid and while I can’t remember his face or what happened before or after the incident I clearly remember the incident. Which is why I’m questioning if the other memories are just something made up or not. I do remember some behaviors I did before the rape and around the time of these unsure memories that seem weird or possibly not normal. Until I was about 9 I would touch myself occasionally in public but in a less obvious way. Almost like I know I shouldn’t. I don’t remember why I did it other than I know it felt good and I don’t know how I figured how to do what I did. I stopped doing it when I realized it was an embarrassing thing to do in front of people. I still did it privately. Even though I was very much potty trained...at age 6 and 7 I had a few accidents in bed at night after waking up from nightmares. I don’t remember the nightmares. I would have sleep paralysis where I would see a man standing next to my bed but couldn’t move or etc... I don’t know. But I worry that my brain is just making stuff up and it’s not real. I also know that some of these behaviors can also be developmentally normal although I question normal when 6/7/8/9. I have kids of my own and they don’t do stuff like what I did at all and I have kids at various ages. I have a therapist and we’ve talked about it briefly but I recently said I want to sort it out more. I haven’t told him about the behaviors I mentioned etc... it took me quite a while to feel safe telling him about my rape which I had never told anyone about as well as how I was groomed by online predators later after my rape. So it’s difficult to talk about it still and I still have a near impossible time talking about anything related to sex out loud. I struggle to even say the word “sex” out loud without so much anxiety. My therapist said only I can really determine if those memories are real. I just don’t know how. They seem so real but not real at the same time and it’s literally two 3-5 second memories.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you sort your memories,,True,221 ekzuki,I know and I'll explain,0,chitchat,1,"I realized the post I posted in this sub-reddit was a spam and I can explain. I was trying to post it from my gallery and it wouldn't notify me that if I posted it or not, it would load then swipe itself away without letting me know if I posted it or not. This is my disclaimer to the spam I didn't mean to do, may this text be understanbable.",WildDJ23,1,0,1,2020-01-06 20:33:40,sad,"I realized the post I posted in this sub-reddit was a spam and I can explain. I was trying to post it from my gallery and it wouldn't notify me that if I posted it or not, it would load then swipe itself away without letting me know if I posted it or not. This is my disclaimer to the spam I didn't mean to do, may this text be understanbable.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eieguk,Happy new year to all but never forget,0,chitchat,1,,zychpenguin,1,0,3,2020-01-01 05:20:28,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 flo5c2,How do you get back into your interests after a bad spell?,1a,help-seeking,2,"New to the subreddit but read the rules so hope this is allowed and/or isn't too repetitive. Basically, I've been going through periods of depression and low mood for a few years now. Currently I'm on medication (looking to cut them out slowly when I can speak to a doctor), have been to cbt, and am in a better place than I have been for a while. Not 100% but feeling better and clearer than I have in a long time. The problem is that I've almost lost track with my interests and hobbies. For example: I used to be into film but now, I'm so 'behind' on releases from my fav genres and it feels daunting to try and catch up on everything - despite the fact I want to. Same with music - I got so used to music that I don't really enjoy and it feels daunting to get back to exploring stuff I love. Now, most of the media I consume I do through habit and I've stopped exploring things I love. I realize this might sound a bit weird but does anyone have any advice about how to break back into the things you care about? With the virus looming, it looks like I'll have a lot more spare time on my hands and I want to try and use it to get back to being myself.",feijis,1,0,3,2020-03-20 03:46:46,getting_over_it,"New to the subreddit but read the rules so hope this is allowed and/or isn't too repetitive. Basically, I've been going through periods of depression and low mood for a few years now. Currently I'm on medication (looking to cut them out slowly when I can speak to a doctor), have been to cbt, and am in a better place than I have been for a while. Not 100% but feeling better and clearer than I have in a long time. The problem is that I've almost lost track with my interests and hobbies. For example: I used to be into film but now, I'm so 'behind' on releases from my fav genres and it feels daunting to try and catch up on everything - despite the fact I want to. Same with music - I got so used to music that I don't really enjoy and it feels daunting to get back to exploring stuff I love. Now, most of the media I consume I do through habit and I've stopped exploring things I love. I realize this might sound a bit weird but does anyone have any advice about how to break back into the things you care about? With the virus looming, it looks like I'll have a lot more spare time on my hands and I want to try and use it to get back to being myself.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ej5m2x,I’m afraid,1a,rant,1,"I did it again, I cut myself. I feel like I didn’t even do it bad enough. I might as well just end it all. I was afraid to even send a message to my mentor who told me I could always talk to her. I just didn’t want her to worry. Now I’m not sure what to do. I’m afraid of my own thoughts. I need to talk to someone but I’m afraid of what they will say even tho they already know I’ve done this before. I’m a mess.",Snoopy_2002,1,0,13,2020-01-02 22:38:34,selfharm,"I did it again, I cut myself. I feel like I didn’t even do it bad enough. I might as well just end it all. I was afraid to even send a message to my mentor who told me I could always talk to her. I just didn’t want her to worry. Now I’m not sure what to do. I’m afraid of my own thoughts. I need to talk to someone but I’m afraid of what they will say even tho they already know I’ve done this before. I’m a mess.",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why did you cut yourself again,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are afraid of your own thoughts,,True,120 eldf2k,Whose an alcoholic stay at home wife/mom?,0,survey,1,"Just super interesting to me. What's your days typically like? Do you hide your consumption or own it?",SarahTonin91,1,0,0,2020-01-07 16:02:10,addiction,Just super interesting to me. What's your days typically like? Do you hide your consumption or own it?,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 er2seo,Getting off suboxone using H or painkillers,0,help-seeking,2,"Okay this is the last post I’ll make about this and I’m so sorry. So I’m on 24mg if suboxone daily. Yes I know that’s a high dose. I’m having surgery soon and they are taking me off subs. Now im scared the painkillers won’t be enough to stop the withdrawals from being on the suboxone Bc it’s a high dose. So I thought about getting off the suboxone by using H or painkillers I know it sounds crazy trust me I get it so please don’t lecture I really just need experience advise and help. I’m scared the H won’t even help stop the suboxone withdrawals. Anyone have experience with this? My plan was so use H/painkillers long enough to get through the suboxone withdrawals so for like 4 weeks, then use 5-6 days suboxone to stop the heroin withdrawals and then I’d be done with everything and I’m free. Help /:",Main-Equipment,1,0,26,2020-01-19 21:39:54,OpiatesRecovery,"Okay this is the last post I’ll make about this and I’m so sorry. So I’m on 24mg if suboxone daily. Yes I know that’s a high dose. I’m having surgery soon and they are taking me off subs. Now im scared the painkillers won’t be enough to stop the withdrawals from being on the suboxone Bc it’s a high dose. So I thought about getting off the suboxone by using H or painkillers I know it sounds crazy trust me I get it so please don’t lecture I really just need experience advise and help. I’m scared the H won’t even help stop the suboxone withdrawals. Anyone have experience with this? My plan was so use H/painkillers long enough to get through the suboxone withdrawals so for like 4 weeks, then use 5-6 days suboxone to stop the heroin withdrawals and then I’d be done with everything and I’m free. Help /:",1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you are taking suboxone,,,,,,True,122 eiru51,Going back to work,1a,help-seeking,1,"I have been out of work for the past week due to a surgery on Christmas, it's a part time customer service job, but I do find value in it. Before I left I had finally overcome the anxiety of talking to customers and working with my cowokers. I had started to feel like I fit. But I have to go back tomorrow and I am scared. My anxiety is coming back in 2 fold and I don't know what to do. I don't know what I'm walking into, last time I talked to my supervisor they did not sound happy about me being out. Its gotten to the point were I am wary about even leaving the house.",g33kBatgurl,1,0,3,2020-01-02 02:26:25,Anxiety,"I have been out of work for the past week due to a surgery on Christmas, it's a part time customer service job, but I do find value in it. Before I left I had finally overcome the anxiety of talking to customers and working with my cowokers. I had started to feel like I fit. But I have to go back tomorrow and I am scared. My anxiety is coming back in 2 fold and I don't know what to do. I don't know what I'm walking into, last time I talked to my supervisor they did not sound happy about me being out. Its gotten to the point were I am wary about even leaving the house.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are anxious about returning to work,,True,220 ei91k1,Anxiety will be beaten,0,rant,2,"I feel anxious right now. My mind knows I have plans tonight. It is there in my head telling me not to go out and socialise with my friends. Anxiety loves me when I give in to its demands The diease of the mind I carry thinks it can Control me. It thinks I will give in to it. For my whole life it had had me wrapped. It takes my thoughts, it takes my mood and negaties it. I hate it and today you can't have me. You can't force me to neglect my plans. Toxicate my mind. It's over You can't have me anymore. Leave me and never come to me again Goodbye",Perlynx_Twenty4,1,0,0,2019-12-31 21:22:12,Anxiety,"I feel anxious right now.My mind knows I have plans tonight. It is there in my head telling me not to go out and socialise with my friends. Anxiety loves me when I give in to its demands The diease of the mind I carry thinks it can Control me. It thinks I will give in to it. For my whole life it had had me wrapped. It takes my thoughts, it takes my mood and negaties it. I hate it and today you can't have me. You can't force me to neglect my plans. Toxicate my mind. It's over You can't have me anymore. Leave me and never come to me again Goodbye",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what makes you anxious,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel anxious about meeting people,,True,120 eip4g3,Going to work,1a,help-seeking,1,"Start of a new year so I want to go into work every single day to break old habits of working from home which my job allows. only problem is the closer it gets to being the day of going into work or waking up in the morning to go in. I get flooded with anxiety and nauseous feelings or wanting to cry and lately headaches but I am completely fine when I'm working from home. I don't know how to control this and I already know my thought process behind it all is super irrational and dumb but I can't stop the continuing cycle. Any advice from own experiences or coping mechanisms are gladly welcome. Extra info- main going to work routine is Wake up and get ready Leave house Walk to public transport Get on public transport Walk to office TLDR- trouble leaving house to go to work need advice",neukkim,1,0,5,2020-01-01 22:51:16,Anxiety,Start of a new year so I want to go into work every single day to break old habits of working from home which my job allows. only problem is the closer it gets to being the day of going into work or waking up in the morning to go in I get flooded with anxiety and nauseous feelings or wanting to cry and lately headaches but I am completely fine when I'm working from home. I don't know how to control this and I already know my thought process behind it all is super irrational and dumb but I can't stop the continuing cycle. Any advice from own experiences or coping mechanisms are gladly welcome. Extra info- main going to work routine is Wake up and get ready Leave house Walk to public transport Get on public transport Walk to office TLDR- trouble leaving house to go to work need advice,2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eoc90r,to bitch someone out,0,help-seeking,1,what does that mean? examples?,Annikaferrari5,1,0,1,2020-01-13 23:17:48,Anger,what does that mean? examples?,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eigj32,Adios,1a,rant,1,"Not gonna cut and not gonna be on this subreddit for the next decade. (Okay realistically I’m probably going to relapse and come back, but until then...)",Lil-Tercio,1,0,1,2020-01-01 09:23:15,selfharm,"Not gonna cut and not gonna be on this subreddit for the next decade. (Okay realistically I’m probably going to relapse and come back, but until then...)",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 ejqgwy,Any good ways to start self harm?,0,help-seeking,1,,szalai_,2,0,24,2020-01-04 02:52:40,selfharm,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 elu7v9,Lecture du 8 Janvier - Réflexions Quotidiennes,0,chitchat,5,"Chaque jour, je vous fait une Lecture des Réflexions Quotidiennes. Ce livre est publié par les Alcooliques Anonymes, et est une resource importante pour les membres de cette association qui sauve des VIE. Beaucoup d'alcooliques en rétablissement se servent de cette littérature pour commencer la journée. AA est une association d'hommes et de femmes qui partagent entre eux leur forces et leurs espoir dans le but commun d'aider l'alcoolique qui souffre encore. C'est la foi et l'amour de la VIE qui permet la guérissons ou plutôt frêne la progression de la maladie et nous aide de sortir de l'enfer de l'alcoolisme un jour à la fois. L'addiction est très puissance et sournoise. Même si ces écrits sont destiné primordialement pour les alcoolique, leurs familles et amis, beaucoup de gens qui ont l'impression de n'avoir aucun contact avec l'alcoolisme, apprécie énormément la sagesse qui en émane. Notre chaîne na aucune est juste un autre façon de se garder dans le programme tout en courant la chance d'en faire bénéficier un autre. Nous pratiquons des simples Lectures. Nous espérons que vous allez gagner la liberté que nous connaissons! \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* MERCI ! \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* Nous vous remercions pour votre support en vous abonnant à notre chaîne YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfNzzo0WB61WFcBPkg\_Tmfg \#rétablissement #alcoolisme #alcooliques anonymes #amour #VIE #janvier",RisingChadows,1,0,0,2020-01-08 15:32:42,addiction,"Chaque jour, je vous fait une Lecture des Réflexions Quotidiennes. Ce livre est publié par les Alcooliques Anonymes, et est une resource importante pour les membres de cette association qui sauve des VIE. Beaucoup d'alcooliques en rétablissement se servent de cette littérature pour commencer la journée. AA est une association d'hommes et de femmes qui partagent entre eux leur forces et leurs espoir dans le but commun d'aider l'alcoolique qui souffre encore. C'est la foi et l'amour de la VIE qui permet la guérissons ou plutôt frêne la progression de la maladie et nous aide de sortir de l'enfer de l'alcoolisme un jour à la fois. L'addiction est très puissance et sournoise. Même si ces écrits sont destiné primordialement pour les alcoolique, leurs familles et amis, beaucoup de gens qui ont l'impression de n'avoir aucun contact avec l'alcoolisme, apprécie énormément la sagesse qui en émane. Notre chaîne na aucune est juste un autre façon de se garder dans le programme tout en courant la chance d'en faire bénéficier un autre. Nous pratiquons des simples Lectures. Nous espérons que vous allez gagner la liberté que nous connaissons! \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* MERCI ! \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* Nous vous remercions pour votre support en vous abonnant à notre chaîne YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfNzzo0WB61WFcBPkg\_Tmfg \#rétablissement #alcoolisme #alcooliques anonymes #amour #VIE #janvier",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eipyuy,sertraline For anxiety,0,help-seeking,1,Hi basically I have really really bad anxiety to point where writing this makes me anxious so I barely go outside or go to school because of it but recently been taking sertraline for anxiety and depression and was just wondering if anyone here has used sertraline for anxiety Did it help?,SyrahIsFat,1,0,0,2020-01-01 23:56:23,socialanxiety,Hi basically I have really really bad anxiety to point where writing this makes me anxious so I barely go outside or go to school because of it but recently been taking sertraline for anxiety and depression and was just wondering if anyone here has used sertraline for anxiety Did it help?,2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,the anxiety,,,,True,202 eix8ld,Can’t sleep again. My body aches and I’m just full of anxiety. I’m also sick and can barely talk or breath in my chest. Any advice or words of encouragement lol,1a,help-seeking,1,,imamess777,1,0,1,2020-01-02 11:42:18,Anxiety,Can’t sleep again. My body aches and I’m just full of anxiety. I’m also sick and can barely talk or breath in my chest. Any advice or words of encouragement lol nan,1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what caused the anxiety,,,,,title,True,122 enbpfa,I hate my future,1b,rant,2,"Well, here is how my life is going. I failed to pass the first year of an abroad course, so now I am back home, living with my parents. I hate it here, as every little mistake I make earns me an hour-long lecture from my dad AFTER insulting me. Then, not even 10 min later, he's all actung like everything is ok. And he claims he is ""pointing flaws in my actions"". Go to hell. This is the same guy who hit me on a near-daily basis when I had trouble with calculus BECAUSE OF HIM being behind me watching like an eagle, making me nervous. My mom isn't helping either. When she saw me uspet she asked me what's wrong, and I told her, she is like ""That's rough"" and just leaves. Now I am preping towards the police academy ( which I f*cking hate btw ) as it only requires just memorizing stuff and no actual talent. Each day I go to sleep, I remember how good i had it abroad, and how retarded I was for blowing it all away. Now I am stuck on a path to become a f*cking judge, which I do not want to, but I do not have any skills to do anything else, nor any faith in myself to try.",Kristkroff,1,0,5,2020-01-11 19:12:31,Anger,"Well, here is how my life is going. I failed to pass the first year of an abroad course, so now I am back home, living with my parents. I hate it here, as every little mistake I make earns me an hour-long lecture from my dad AFTER insulting me. Then, not even 10 min later, he's all actung like everything is ok. And he claims he is ""pointing flaws in my actions"". Go to hell. This is the same guy who hit me on a near-daily basis when I had trouble with calculus BECAUSE OF HIM being behind me watching like an eagle, making me nervous. My mom isn't helping either. When she saw me uspet she asked me what's wrong, and I told her, she is like ""That's rough"" and just leaves. Now I am preping towards the police academy ( which I f*cking hate btw ) as it only requires just memorizing stuff and no actual talent. Each day I go to sleep, I remember how good i had it abroad, and how retarded I was for blowing it all away. Now I am stuck on a path to become a f*cking judge, which I do not want to, but I do not have any skills to do anything else, nor any faith in myself to try.",2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,living with your parents,What do you need help with now that X?,hate living with your parents,,True,200 erfxfx,"[Image] don't worry too much,give it time. (Reposted since there was an error)",0,chitchat,1,,CrescendoX,1,0,0,2020-01-20 16:59:44,selfhelp,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 eiblp4,I’ve reached a new low,0,help-seeking,1,I spent the New Years Eve Countdown alone. I had planned to kill myself 16 minutes ago but I was worried my dog would be scared alone. All I want right now is just to be held and told everything will be okay.,Eufamis,1,0,3,2020-01-01 00:47:35,depression,I spent the New Years Eve Countdown alone. I had planned to kill myself 16 minutes ago but I was worried my dog would be scared alone. All I want right now is just to be held and told everything will be okay.,1,1,1,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what made you not want to live anymore,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how were you feeling,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you overcome your problems,,True,111 eivqzp,I start school on the 9th and I’m already having a panic attack,1a,rant,1,"I took a break from school starting last June and have been searching for new schools and ways to get into my career without going into major debt. I’ve found the way, and found a good school. Now that I’m starting my mental health is starting to remind me why I stopped in the first place. I’m on anti-anxiety meds but right now the stress and anxiety is breaking through that. I already started doing homework and I’m telling myself I’m not smart enough to get through this. That if I don’t get an A I’m not worth it and I’m terrified. I don’t go to therapy until Sunday but I feel like I’m going to lose my mind already, it hasn’t even STARTED.",yourheartandsoul,1,0,1,2020-01-02 08:41:04,Anxiety,"I took a break from school starting last June and have been searching for new schools and ways to get into my career without going into major debt. I’ve found the way, and found a good school. Now that I’m starting my mental health is starting to remind me why I stopped in the first place. I’m on anti-anxiety meds but right now the stress and anxiety is breaking through that. I already started doing homework and I’m telling myself I’m not smart enough to get through this. That if I don’t get an A I’m not worth it and I’m terrified. I don’t go to therapy until Sunday but I feel like I’m going to lose my mind already, it hasn’t even STARTED.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel stressed about the homework,,True,220 eibg74,"If ADHD delays prefrontal cortex development, but vices impair development under 25+ years, does that mean ADHD folks should respect a much older ""legal age"" for common vices?",0,chitchat,2,"Shower thoughts connecting dots ADHD delays development, and common vices are well documented to impair development of related brain functions if used too early. I've seen figures pegging ADHD around 2/3 the age of a Non-ADHD person. Then the ""Legal Drinking Age"" would be closer to 31 if compared to 21, with adult brain development finishing around 39-ish years of age instead of 26-ish.",FastDatabase3,1,0,2,2020-01-01 00:35:22,ADHD,"Shower thoughts connecting dots ADHD delays development, and common vices are well documented to impair development of related brain functions if used too early. I've seen figures pegging ADHD around 2/3 the age of a Non-ADHD person. Then the ""Legal Drinking Age"" would be closer to 31 if compared to 21, with adult brain development finishing around 39-ish years of age instead of 26-ish.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 erhliw,Raped my a man from Camden Maine,1b,rant,1,"I was raped last year by my boyfriend. A man I had a long distance relationship with. We had a normal loving sexual relationship until right before the assault. The assault took place in Canada on his birthday. The first conversation we had was about a newspaper article stating that an American can not be arrested for sexual assault by Canadian police officers. I didn’t ask him to reference the article. He was right. The RCMP can not arrest him. He is an attorney and a hockey coach on Camden Maine. He gave and told me everything to keep quiet about assaulting me because he did it while pretending I was a child that he knows. He still keeps stalking me. I gave up everything and I can’t keep running from this man. He has all sorts of ads up looking for little girls to go to Camden so they can stay in his cottage and he can “train” you! Beware! He is a rapist and a liar! You will not escape him once he thinks he owns you!",babyontherun,1,0,1,2020-01-20 18:49:33,rapecounseling,I was raped last year by my boyfriend. >A man I had a long distance relationship with. We had a normal loving sexual relationship until right before the assault. The assault took place in Canada on his birthday. The first conversation we had was about a newspaper article stating that an American can not be arrested for sexual assault by Canadian police officers. I didn’t ask him to reference the article. He was right. The RCMP can not arrest him. He is an attorney and a hockey coach on Camden Maine. He gave and told me everything to keep quiet about assaulting me because he did it while pretending I was a child that he knows. He still keeps stalking me. I gave up everything and I can’t keep running from this man. He has all sorts of ads up looking for little girls to go to Camden so they can stay in his cottage and he can “train” you! Beware! He is a rapist and a liar! You will not escape him once he thinks he owns you!,2,0,0,,,How did X make you feel?,the assault by your boyfriend,What do you need help with now that X?,your rapist keeps stalking you,,True,200 ej6zp2,I want to know if I might have Social Anxiety,1a,help-seeking,2,"I have been pretty self aware lately, so here are some things I have noticed. * When I first meet someone I can be confident but the next time I see them I act as tho they are not interested in talking to me * It is difficult for me to talk to my coworkers because I don't bring that social energy. When I do say something I feel it is irrelevant and go back to being silent * I can't stand being in a big event, especially with people I know. I try talking but I feel I mess up so I just hang out alone or with people I know as much as I can * Whenever I feel inadequate, I come up with scenarios in my head. Sometimes I get the idea that everyone is against me which results in me feeling frustrated about something that may not even be the case * I want to reach out to friends that I haven't talked to in a while but I feel if they wanted to talk to me they would have by now so I feel like I would just be bothering them * I spend most of my time alone now because I feel I don't know how to talk to people (It is really hard for me. I've tried to look for formulas on how to have a good convo or make friends with people, but, as said before, I don't feel like I give off that charismatic energy that would have people be interested in what I say) &#x200B; That's all from the top of my head. Is it possible that I have Social Anxiety? Whether or not I do, please help me out with some advice so I can overcome this. I've felt this way for the longest time. &#x200B; Thank you",okcamacho,2,0,2,2020-01-03 00:17:40,socialanxiety,"I have been pretty self aware lately, so here are some things I have noticed. * When I first meet someone I can be confident but the next time I see them I act as tho they are not interested in talking to me * It is difficult for me to talk to my coworkers because I don't bring that social energy. When I do say something I feel it is irrelevant and go back to being silent * I can't stand being in a big event, especially with people I know. I try talking but I feel I mess up so I just hang out alone or with people I know as much as I can * Whenever I feel inadequate, I come up with scenarios in my head. Sometimes I get the idea that everyone is against me which results in me feeling frustrated about something that may not even be the case * I want to reach out to friends that I haven't talked to in a while but I feel if they wanted to talk to me they would have by now so I feel like I would just be bothering them * I spend most of my time alone now because I feel I don't know how to talk to people (It is really hard for me. I've tried to look for formulas on how to have a good convo or make friends with people, but, as said before, I don't feel like I give off that charismatic energy that would have people be interested in what I say) &#x200B; That's all from the top of my head. Is it possible that I have Social Anxiety? Whether or not I do, please help me out with some advice so I can overcome this. I've felt this way for the longest time. &#x200B; Thank you",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 es2e91,"My friend and coworker (35F) is in an abusive relationship, and I don't think I can help her.",1b,help-seeking,3,"Sadly I think this is an example of a ""You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink"" scenario, but maybe the people of Reddit have some advice I haven't thought of yet. My friend has been dating this guy (35M) for a little over a year now, on and off. For the first few months, it seemed like they were doing great. She was so happy, which was great to see because whe had finally left her husband who had been cheating on her for 15+ years. But then something changed. This guy she was dating did a complete 180. She came into work with a busted lip about 6 months back, and said she was done with him. I urged her to go to the police, but she said he had a record of assault and she didn't want him to go to prison. And a few weeks later, she was back with him. Said she wasn't the kind of person to give up on the people she cared about. And to make a long story short, this cycle has been repeating itself for over half a year now. They fight, she says she is through with him, then a week later she comes into work and is talking about the night she had with him, like nothing happened. Honestly, this guy is crazy. She's shown me her phone, when they are fighting he will send her literally hundreds of text messages a day, calling her every single derogatory word for a woman you can think of. Just non stop for hours at a time, day and night. He says she makes him insane, that she doesn't know how to love, that she's crazy, disgusting, abusive, ect. I've asked her why she doesnt just block his number, and she says she can't just block out someone she once cared about. She's not that kind of person. She says he's like this when he goes on an adderall binge, and that it's not his fault because he was prescribed it as a kid and now he can't live without it. Last week she was talking about breaking the lease on her apartment and moving in with him, to save money. When she brought it up to him, they got into an argument and he picked her up and tried to throw her down a flight of stairs. She said she was done with him for good, but she yesterday she was texting him but physically keeping her distance. Today she came in to work and said she had been spending time with him again last night! Less than a WEEK after he tried to seriously hurt her. I've tried asking her why she thinks she deserves to be treated like this, and she says she doesn't. She's in therapy. She acknowledges that she is in a terrible relationship, but she likes the attention. She talks about it with some of our coworkers and they have offered her support, safety, help moving, whatever. I've helped her move her stuff out of his place a few times. She's financially independent, has her own place, and has no problem getting dates. Seriously, at least once a week she gets some guys number at work. I don't think I can get the police involved, because I don't have evidence of any of this. Just what she has told me, and she won't tell the police anything. She refuses to talk to them because it would ""get him put away for a long time"" due to his record. I've tried rationalizing with her, pointing out that she wasted 15 years of her life in a bad relationship already, so she shouldn't waste any more years of her life being treated like this. She agrees. I've tried being understanding and supportive, but now I am having a hard time hiding my disdain for the guy. Which probably doesn't help her at all, but I'm so disgusted by this guy. I care about her as a friend. And it makes me so sad that she just takes this. But at the same time, as bad as it sounds, I'm starting to get frustrated with her as well. I feel bad for thinking ""Well I don't want to hear about it anymore if you're going to keep going back to him."" Does that make me a terrible friend? I don't think I can help her, and listening to her talk about how he treats her day in and day out is maddening. Is there anything I can do, or do I just accept that it's a futile battle? tl;dr A friend of mine has been in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship for months now, but refuses to leave. I don't know if I can, or should, try helping her anymore. She just won't quit him. And I'm starting to feel bad about losing sympathy for her.",MoonRise93,1,0,4,2020-01-21 22:38:54,domesticviolence,"Sadly I think this is an example of a ""You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink"" scenario, but maybe the people of Reddit have some advice I haven't thought of yet. My friend has been dating this guy (35M) for a little over a year now, on and off. For the first few months, it seemed like they were doing great. She was so happy, which was great to see because whe had finally left her husband who had been cheating on her for 15+ years. But then something changed. This guy she was dating did a complete 180. She came into work with a busted lip about 6 months back, and said she was done with him. I urged her to go to the police, but she said he had a record of assault and she didn't want him to go to prison. And a few weeks later, she was back with him. Said she wasn't the kind of person to give up on the people she cared about. And to make a long story short, this cycle has been repeating itself for over half a year now. They fight, she says she is through with him, then a week later she comes into work and is talking about the night she had with him, like nothing happened. Honestly, this guy is crazy. She's shown me her phone, when they are fighting he will send her literally hundreds of text messages a day, calling her every single derogatory word for a woman you can think of. Just non stop for hours at a time, day and night. He says she makes him insane, that she doesn't know how to love, that she's crazy, disgusting, abusive, etc. I've asked her why she doesnt just block his number, and she says she can't just block out someone she once cared about. She's not that kind of person. She says he's like this when he goes on an adderall binge, and that it's not his fault because he was prescribed it as a kid and now he can't live without it. Last week she was talking about breaking the lease on her apartment and moving in with him, to save money. When she brought it up to him, they got into an argument and he picked her up and tried to throw her down a flight of stairs. She said she was done with him for good, but she yesterday she was texting him but physically keeping her distance. Today she came in to work and said she had been spending time with him again last night! Less than a WEEK after he tried to seriously hurt her. I've tried asking her why she thinks she deserves to be treated like this, and she says she doesn't. She's in therapy. She acknowledges that she is in a terrible relationship, but she likes the attention. She talks about it with some of our coworkers and they have offered her support, safety, help moving, whatever. I've helped her move her stuff out of his place a few times. She's financially independent, has her own place, and has no problem getting dates. Seriously, at least once a week she gets some guys number at work. I don't think I can get the police involved, because I don't have evidence of any of this. Just what she has told me, and she won't tell the police anything. She refuses to talk to them because it would ""get him put away for a long time"" due to his record. I've tried rationalizing with her, pointing out that she wasted 15 years of her life in a bad relationship already, so she shouldn't waste any more years of her life being treated like this. She agrees. I've tried being understanding and supportive, but now I am having a hard time hiding my disdain for the guy. Which probably doesn't help her at all, but I'm so disgusted by this guy. I care about her as a friend. And it makes me so sad that she just takes this. But at the same time, as bad as it sounds, I'm starting to get frustrated with her as well. I feel bad for thinking ""Well I don't want to hear about it anymore if you're going to keep going back to him."" Does that make me a terrible friend? I don't think I can help her, and listening to her talk about how he treats her day in and day out is maddening. Is there anything I can do, or do I just accept that it's a futile battle? tl;dr A friend of mine has been in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship for months now, but refuses to leave. I don't know if I can, or should, try helping her anymore. She just won't quit him. And I'm starting to feel bad about losing sympathy for her.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 elg7lc,Second attempt,1a,rant,2,"Just want to share with someone since I haven't talked to anyone in days. As a last desperate try to finish this Semester with a Little bit of dignity I quit alcohol yesterday and god has it been awful. I did it before at the start of December, but only lasted About a week. I know the physical Symptoms will pass soon (last time it was About the fourth day I think) and finally having a clear mind again is what I'm currently really Looking Forward to. It's crazy to think what we deliberately do to our bodies, yesterday I felt so weak and empty (physically and mentally) I almost collapsed during a 200m walk. But that's also a good reminder why this Needs to stop. I just really hope I'll feel better tomorrow, because we have a Group Project going on (to which I couldn't really contribute much yet, which I feel really bad about) and they want to meet for it tomorrow. They don't know what's going on. Should be fun. On a brighter note my therapy starts next week and I'm really Looking Forward to that. While I'm Feeling awful it's nice to Dream About finishing the Semester passing at least some exams and then returning to my Family sober in march. Hope I can make that happen.",lischen_moeller,1,0,4,2020-01-07 19:20:00,addiction,"Just want to share with someone since I haven't talked to anyone in days. As a last desperate try to finish this Semester with a Little bit of dignity I quit alcohol yesterday and god has it been awful. I did it before at the start of December, but only lasted About a week. I know the physical Symptoms will pass soon (last time it was About the fourth day I think) and finally having a clear mind again is what I'm currently really Looking Forward to. It's crazy to think what we deliberately do to our bodies, yesterday I felt so weak and empty (physically and mentally) I almost collapsed during a 200m walk. But that's also a good reminder why this Needs to stop. I just really hope I'll feel better tomorrow, because we have a Group Project going on (to which I couldn't really contribute much yet, which I feel really bad about) and they want to meet for it tomorrow. They don't know what's going on. Should be fun. On a brighter note my therapy starts next week and I'm really Looking Forward to that. While I'm Feeling awful it's nice to Dream About finishing the Semester passing at least some exams and then returning to my Family sober in march. Hope I can make that happen.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 eklhnz,🔥 This silverback gorilla in the rain..looks like he's in mourning,0,rant,1,,Lil_Jazzy,1,0,0,2020-01-06 00:07:47,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 elm3nl,"1 week on subs, relapsed, when can I take sub again?",1a,help-seeking,1,"I had been taking 8mg a day. Yesterday at 2pm I only took 4 mg. Today at 2 pm I used a line of fentdope. When can I take it again withoit going into PWD?",lostcontinentals,1,0,9,2020-01-08 02:25:26,OpiatesRecovery,"1 week on subs, relapsed. when can I take sub again? I had been taking 8mg a day. Yesterday at 2pm I only took 4 mg. Today at 2 pm I used a line of fentdope. When can I take it again withoit going into PWD?",1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you relapsed,How did X make you feel?,taking subs,,,,True,102 f2dkst,"13 years, I need out",1b,help-seeking,3,"I've been married to my spouse for 13 years. He was violent in the beginning, but after completing a scram bracelet program that prevented him from drinking he seemed to be better. He hit me maybe one time prior to the bracelet . In 2013, two years after, he began drinking again. He slammed a bathroom door into my forehead after chasing me through the house, which was the first time I had a black eye. I was ashamed and I lied about how it happened and he said he'd never do it again. Christmas Eve 2015 he elbowed me in the eye. I never made any reports except the one that had him arrested and put on the scram bracelet. After 2015 nothing else happened. I even bragged to the one friend who knows everything about how much better he had gotten. He barely even yelled at me up until Saturday night when we were at his brothers. My step niece recently overdosed on heroin and it had my head in a bad place, so I was crying. He slapped me in the face which made me cry more and caused my sister-in-law to come see what was going on. He told her he hadn't touched me and I was being crazy, which, I'll admit, made me act a little crazy (but not aggressive, more like sobbing) especially when she said that he was fine and I was basically a bad parent and bad human in general, and that even if he had hit me, I deserved it. Once she was done yelling at me for ""crying in her house"" and calling me rude, I tried to get up to call my parents or my niece to come get me. They took my phone. He told me he had broken it (he hadn't). Lots of arguing ensued and the next thing I knew I was being dropped to the floor by my neck. he'd stop choking me and let me up just to drop me again. I think it happened three times. I can't really remember except for trying to get him off me and not being able to breathe. He also punched me/slapped me in the face repeatedly and slammed my head off the floor. When I finally got away I gave up any hope of my parents or the police helping me and went to sleep. I woke up with finger prints on my neck (one that has bruised), two black eyes, and countless bruises on my arms/elbows/torso and three lumps on my head. When I said something in the morning he didn't apologize, he said whatever, I had just fallen down. No apology. No remorse. And now he acts like nothing even happened minus doing all the errands because...obviously he doesn't want me outside with black eyes. I guess my question is...since this happened in a different county than the one I reside in, is that where I would need to go to report it? Or would my local county allow me to report it here? I can't do this anymore. I have four boys. I don't want them growing up thinking this behavior is okay. And I definitely dont want my daughter thinking it's okay. Another thing is when I mentioned calling 911, my in-laws said they'd tell the police I just fell out of my chair. I don't want to risk losing my kids to him. I photographed my injuries, but is it possible they would believe my in-laws story, even with him having a prior battery charge?",tired38285,1,0,8,2020-02-11 19:34:31,domesticviolence,"I've been married to my spouse for 13 years. He was violent in the beginning, but after completing a scram bracelet program that prevented him from drinking he seemed to be better. He hit me maybe one time prior to the bracelet . In 2013, two years after, he began drinking again. He slammed a bathroom door into my forehead after chasing me through the house, which was the first time I had a black eye. I was ashamed and I lied about how it happened and he said he'd never do it again. Christmas Eve 2015 he elbowed me in the eye. I never made any reports except the one that had him arrested and put on the scram bracelet. After 2015 nothing else happened. I even bragged to the one friend who knows everything about how much better he had gotten. He barely even yelled at me up until Saturday night when we were at his brothers. My step niece recently overdosed on heroin and it had my head in a bad place, so I was crying. He slapped me in the face which made me cry more and caused my sister-in-law to come see what was going on. He told her he hadn't touched me and I was being crazy, which, I'll admit, made me act a little crazy (but not aggressive, more like sobbing) especially when she said that he was fine and I was basically a bad parent and bad human in general, and that even if he had hit me, I deserved it. Once she was done yelling at me for ""crying in her house"" and calling me rude, I tried to get up to call my parents or my niece to come get me. They took my phone. He told me he had broken it (he hadn't). Lots of arguing ensued and the next thing I knew I was being dropped to the floor by my neck. he'd stop choking me and let me up just to drop me again. I think it happened three times. I can't really remember except for trying to get him off me and not being able to breathe. He also punched me/slapped me in the face repeatedly and slammed my head off the floor. When I finally got away I gave up any hope of my parents or the police helping me and went to sleep. I woke up with finger prints on my neck (one that has bruised), two black eyes, and countless bruises on my arms/elbows/torso and three lumps on my head. When I said something in the morning he didn't apologize, he said whatever, I had just fallen down. No apology. No remorse. And now he acts like nothing even happened minus doing all the errands because...obviously he doesn't want me outside with black eyes. I guess my question is...since this happened in a different county than the one I reside in, is that where I would need to go to report it? Or would my local county allow me to report it here? I can't do this anymore. I have four boys. I don't want them growing up thinking this behavior is okay. And I definitely dont want my daughter thinking it's okay. Another thing is when I mentioned calling 911, my in-laws said they'd tell the police I just fell out of my chair. I don't want to risk losing my kids to him. I photographed my injuries, but is it possible they would believe my in-laws story, even with him having a prior battery charge?",2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how the physical abuse made you feel,,,,True,212 eiwq6d,The maintenance guy saw my pads and I'm so embarrassed. What should I do?,0,help-seeking,1,The maintenance dude came over to fix my toilet because it wouldn't stop running. I went up there after he left and realized I had a bag of pads by the toilet. All he said when he came downstairs was that its fixed and have a good day.,rundontwalkawaypoker,1,0,5,2020-01-02 10:41:30,Anxiety,The maintenance guy saw my pads and I'm so embarrassed. What should I do? The maintenance dude came over to fix my toilet because it wouldn't stop running. I went up there after he left and realized I had a bag of pads by the toilet. All he said when he came downstairs was that its fixed and have a good day.,2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,title,True,222 el737w,It's so sad how this is a echo chamber for sad fucks who dont want to make themselves better. How sad it must make you that I think your all pathetic subhuman fucks who barely rate being human.,1b,rant,1,,whiteboyforsale,1,0,5,2020-01-07 05:37:15,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eigah7,I’m just tryna talk to people who get how much life fucking sucks,1c,chitchat,1,HMU... happy new year,sortadark,1,0,0,2020-01-01 08:50:43,BPD,I’m just tryna talk to people who get how much life fucking sucks HMU... happy new year,0,1,0,What made you feel X ?,that life sucks,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about your life,What can help you overcome X ?,the feeling that life sucks,,True,010 eigggf,"been clean since christmas, currently sitting with my scissors trying to convince myself to continue the streak",0,rant,1,,Bryoneehhh_,1,0,0,2020-01-01 09:13:11,selfharm,"been clean since christmas, currently sitting with my scissors trying to convince myself to continue the streak",1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you harm yourself,How did X make you feel?,not cutting since christmas,What do you need help with now that X?,you are having the urges to cut again,,True,100 eisse8,relapse,1a,rant,1,I relapsed. I was clean for a whole fucking month and then I ruined everything. I was going to reach out for help but I pulled back because I didn’t want anyone to have to deal with me. I had lost my old razor blade and I was panicking so I cut up one of my razors just to hurt myself. I feel so disappointed and mad at myself. I should know better.,asherrkat,1,0,2,2020-01-02 03:44:32,selfharm,I relapsed. I was clean for a whole fucking month and then I ruined everything. I was going to reach out for help but I pulled back because I didn’t want anyone to have to deal with me. I had lost my old razor blade and I was panicking so I cut up one of my razors just to hurt myself. I feel so disappointed and mad at myself. I should know better.,1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what made you relapse,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel disappointed that you cut again,,True,120 eiey4x,Never understood why people cut themselves. Decided to try it because I was curious. It's kinda satisfying and relieved my stress. Think this might become a regular thing.,0,chitchat,1,,SansTheMinion,1,0,6,2020-01-01 06:09:22,selfharm,Never understood why people cut themselves. Decided to try it because I was curious. It's kinda satisfying and relieved my stress. Think this might become a regular thing.,2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you started self harming,,True,220 eimhfu,Doctor says depression not ADHD,1b,rant,3,"I started realizing a couple years ago after my son was diagnosed with ADHD that I more than likely grew up with ADHD as well but was never diagnosed..I dropped out of high school my junior year because it was boring and whenever something really interested me I would over excel at it. I drink energy drinks to get me through my day at work although I can drink one a couple hours before going to bed and it does not affect my sleep the slightest bit. I feel as though I’ve always self medicated with caffeine or stimulants to make me more focused. So I’ve recently decided to go back to school full time to finish my nursing degree and because of the competitiveness of the nursing schools in my area, I realized that I cannot fuck up in any way shape or form on my pre reqs. I saw how much my son improved with his overall confidence at school after starting Concerta and I remember his doctor saying that it was more than likely something hereditary so I decided to see a doctor for an ADHD evaluation myself (different from his, his dr no longer accepts new patients). Some of the questions were “do you ever lack motivation to complete tasks or have no desire to do anything” fucking duh, i will have a thousand things to do and not have motivation to do any of them because sometimes I have no idea where to start. So this therapist focused more on these questions and even after I told her that this was affecting my work, (gave examples of how forgetful I am, I zone out when talking to patients after 10 seconds because I focus on one thing they say and don’t hear the remainder of the conversation) she stated that she just thinks I’m stressed with work and suffer from depression. -__- she wanted me to start a trial of Zoloft and tbh I was open to her suggestion, I started thinking..fuck, maybe I am depressed? So I tried it for 30 days and talk about lack of motivation!?! I had NO desire to do anything, I felt spacey, unfocused, I literally had no emotion. I’ve been off of it for 4 weeks and now that my emotions are back to normal they are the only thing fueling my motivation again. Anyways, I start school in a few days and had no success in getting diagnosed and was wondering what are your recommendations in getting a proper diagnosis so I can start treatment? I gave the psychiatrist I saw the benefit of the doubt but I’m pretty sure she was wrong about me. I know i need to see another doctor but I don’t want to seem drug seeking because I’m truly not! I just want to start being able to work to my full potential.",Coolmom81,1,0,13,2020-01-01 19:29:38,ADHD,"I started realizing a couple years ago after my son was diagnosed with ADHD that I more than likely grew up with ADHD as well but was never diagnosed..I dropped out of high school my junior year because it was boring and whenever something really interested me I would over excel at it. I drink energy drinks to get me through my day at work although I can drink one a couple hours before going to bed and it does not affect my sleep the slightest bit. I feel as though I’ve always self medicated with caffeine or stimulants to make me more focused. So I’ve recently decided to go back to school full time to finish my nursing degree and because of the competitiveness of the nursing schools in my area, I realized that I cannot fuck up in any way shape or form on my pre reqs. I saw how much my son improved with his overall confidence at school after starting Concerta and I remember his doctor saying that it was more than likely something hereditary so I decided to see a doctor for an ADHD evaluation myself (different from his, his dr no longer accepts new patients). Some of the questions were “do you ever lack motivation to complete tasks or have no desire to do anything” fucking duh, i will have a thousand things to do and not have motivation to do any of them because sometimes I have no idea where to start. So this therapist focused more on these questions and even after I told her that this was affecting my work, (gave examples of how forgetful I am, I zone out when talking to patients after 10 seconds because I focus on one thing they say and don’t hear the remainder of the conversation) she stated that she just thinks I’m stressed with work and suffer from depression. -__- she wanted me to start a trial of Zoloft and tbh I was open to her suggestion, I started thinking..fuck, maybe I am depressed? So I tried it for 30 days and talk about lack of motivation!?! I had NO desire to do anything, I felt spacey, unfocused, I literally had no emotion. I’ve been off of it for 4 weeks and now that my emotions are back to normal they are the only thing fueling my motivation again. Anyways, I start school in a few days and had no success in getting diagnosed and was wondering what are your recommendations in getting a proper diagnosis so I can start treatment? I gave the psychiatrist I saw the benefit of the doubt but I’m pretty sure she was wrong about me. I know i need to see another doctor but I don’t want to seem drug seeking because I’m truly not! I just want to start being able to work to my full potential.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eiprqt,20 day clean streak down the drain,0,chitchat,1,"I told myself I'd stop for Christmas, let my scars heal so that they wouldn't be noticed if I took off my jumper or something and ruin the day. Nothing terrible has even happened since. I've just felt so numb and apathetic since I can remember and so I did it again. I was optimistic yesterday haha. Oh well, what's done is done, might as well fucking slice myself to hell. How are your new year's resolutions going?",saddydaddyvoid,1,0,0,2020-01-01 23:40:31,selfharm,"20 day clean streak down the drain I told myself I'd stop for Christmas, let my scars heal so that they wouldn't be noticed if I took off my jumper or something and ruin the day. Nothing terrible has even happened since. I've just felt so numb and apathetic since I can remember and so I did it again. I was optimistic yesterday haha. Oh well, what's done is done, might as well fucking slice myself to hell. How are your new year's resolutions going?",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you hurt yourself again,,,What do you need help with now that X?,your streak of being clean is broken,,True,120 em9z1n,Week 6.,1c,rant,1,Ha!!!! fuck you dope. Life is better without you.,marduk123789,1,0,13,2020-01-09 13:57:21,OpiatesRecovery,Ha!!!! fuck you dope. Life is better without you.,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 f48y19,Quietly screaming,1a,rant,1,"I’m rolling onto 10 years this December since it happened. My husband knows it happened but it has always been an off limits conversation, I’ve never spoken about it to anyone other than my then best friend right after it happened. I recently found out a few years after he hurt me he did the same thing to another girl. I want to scream and rip my hair out and cry, I didn’t mean for someone to get hurt I just wanted the pain to be over, I never wanted to see him again, much less on trial, which I don’t even know if it would have gotten that far because his family has money. I feel responsible, someone got hurt because I wasn’t strong enough. I know I need help but I just can’t talk about it, I have tried so many times and the words just don’t come out, I don’t know what to do.",projectxplode,1,0,1,2020-02-15 12:44:37,rapecounseling,"I’m rolling onto 10 years this December since it happened. My husband knows it happened but it has always been an off limits conversation, I’ve never spoken about it to anyone other than my then best friend right after it happened. I recently found out a few years after he hurt me he did the same thing to another girl. I want to scream and rip my hair out and cry, I didn’t mean for someone to get hurt I just wanted the pain to be over, I never wanted to see him again, much less on trial, which I don’t even know if it would have gotten that far because his family has money. I feel responsible, someone got hurt because I wasn’t strong enough. I know I need help but I just can’t talk about it, I have tried so many times and the words just don’t come out, I don’t know what to do.",2,1,0,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how your rapist hurting another girl make you feel,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel responsible for the other girl,,True,210 etobwk,i need someone,0,help-seeking,1,please i need someone to pm me. i need someone. please.,humanbratzdoll,1,0,1,2020-01-25 08:33:03,rapecounseling,please i need someone to pm me. i need someone. please.,0,0,2,What happened that you want X ?,want someone to talk to you,Why are you wanting X ?,to talk to someone,,,,True,002 ekhref,"I'm lost, I don't know what to do... HELP.",1b,help-seeking,2,"So I'm not going to waste anyone's time here and get straight to the point. I don't know what to do, I feel lost. I'm an 18 yo guy, in the 12th grade. My dad and mum are pretty regular and thorough with their alcohol, borderline alcoholics. I've grown up watching them beat each other up. I have watched my mother attempt suicide multiple times. I have watched my father do some horrible things as well. However they are both decent parents. They separated 3 years back. But my mum still has mood swings and is very volatile (I didn't really know what word to use here). My mum thinks I'm very strong, but that's not true. I'm a scared rat, I hide and distract myself by watching YouTube and listening to Music. Pretending. However there's been this new addition into my life. This really pretty girl, she's beautiful, smart... But equally if not more broken than me. I love her... But no matter what I do nothing is helping. She suffers from severe anxiety and depression, I try being there for her and listening to her as much and often as possible. She is on meds and is going for therapy but those aren't helping either. But she just keeps worsening. I don't know how to help her. This has me going down a downward spiral too. Music and YouTube just isn't enough anymore. I have suicidal thoughts on a daily basis. The only thing keeping me alive is her face and my family's that flashes before my eyes when I shut them.im losing it. I don't know what to do. Please help me. Please. Put any questions you have down and I'll answer them...",Kzappp,1,0,2,2020-01-05 19:32:24,sad,"So I'm not going to waste anyone's time here and get straight to the point. I don't know what to do, I feel lost. I'm an 18 yo guy, in the 12th grade. My dad and mum are pretty regular and thorough with their alcohol, borderline alcoholics. I've grown up watching them beat each other up. I have watched my mother attempt suicide multiple times. I have watched my father do some horrible things as well. However they are both decent parents. They separated 3 years back. But my mum still has mood swings and is very volatile (I didn't really know what word to use here). My mum thinks I'm very strong, but that's not true. I'm a scared rat, I hide and distract myself by watching YouTube and listening to Music. Pretending. However there's been this new addition into my life. This really pretty girl, she's beautiful, smart... But equally if not more broken than me. I love her... But no matter what I do nothing is helping. She suffers from severe anxiety and depression, I try being there for her and listening to her as much and often as possible. She is on meds and is going for therapy but those aren't helping either. But she just keeps worsening. I don't know how to help her. This has me going down a downward spiral too. Music and YouTube just isn't enough anymore. I have suicidal thoughts on a daily basis. The only thing keeping me alive is her face and my family's that flashes before my eyes when I shut them.im losing it. I don't know what to do. Please help me. Please. Put any questions you have down and I'll answer them...",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are having suicidal thoughts regularly,,True,220 en88fb,Music that relates to anger,0,survey,1," [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHG9WbyHKmg&t=393s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHG9WbyHKmg&t=393s) &#x200B; what do you think? especially that part between , 04:30-05:35, 15:00-15:40, the whole last song, fuckit just the whole album feels relatable to my anger. I have always been suffering from depression, anxiety, and anger, all related to ADHD and HSP. I am a very chaotic, empathetic, restless person but also very fragile and also the complete opposite of a dominant person. this music feels relatable as fuck and actually helps me clear my mind during stressfull days. maybe it is related to my chaotic aggressive nature. what do you guys think?",project_nl,1,0,0,2020-01-11 14:46:50,Anger," [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHG9WbyHKmg&t=393s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHG9WbyHKmg&t=393s) &#x200B; what do you think? especially that part between , 04:30-05:35, 15:00-15:40, the whole last song, fuckit just the whole album feels relatable to my anger. I have always been suffering from depression, anxiety, and anger, all related to ADHD and HSP. I am a very chaotic, empathetic, restless person but also very fragile and also the complete opposite of a dominant person. this music feels relatable as fuck and actually helps me clear my mind during stressfull days. maybe it is related to my chaotic aggressive nature. what do you guys think?",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,thought,True,000 eyhx0u,Should I Call It Rape,1b,help-seeking,1,"It was at a college house party. He kept dragging me all over the place trying to find a place, and I keep sayin gym we shouldn't be doing this. He took me by the hand and took me to the bathroom. He pulled my panties down and tried to penetrate. I kept saying we shouldn't be doing this and should stop, but I never said no. He couldn't penetrate so he picked me up and put me down on him as he sat on the toilet and proceed to rock me back and forth until he finished inside me. He didn't say a word. We got up, got dressed and left the bathroom. He walled off with his friend and I sat with mine and cried. But I don't call it rape because Rape is a violent act and this was me being passive and not saying no. Am I in denial?",alfonse_squirrel,1,0,15,2020-02-04 01:27:36,rapecounseling,"It was at a college house party. He kept dragging me all over the place trying to find a place, and I keep sayin gym we shouldn't be doing this. He took me by the hand and took me to the bathroom. He pulled my panties down and tried to penetrate. I kept saying we shouldn't be doing this and should stop, but I never said no. He couldn't penetrate so he picked me up and put me down on him as he sat on the toilet and proceed to rock me back and forth until he finished inside me. He didn't say a word. We got up, got dressed and left the bathroom. He walled off with his friend and I sat with mine and cried. But I don't call it rape because Rape is a violent act and this was me being passive and not saying no. Am I in denial?",2,1,1,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how did the incident at the college party make you feel,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you sort out your emotions,,True,211 f220y4,Intermitted Explosive Disorder,1b,help-seeking,2,"I was diagnosed with that big word right there. Also, Depression. I can't find a group for that. On face book I can but I don't know. They seem to be about moms with bratty kids. I am a man and have no kids. I am not sure this diagnosis really fits. It sounds like you get mad for no reason. I usually have a reason. But, what ever. I am going to a therapy class but would kind of like some online help and a group. I think people with mental illness should get all the help they can. So, hey everyone.",willybilly30,1,0,10,2020-02-11 03:04:11,Anger,"Intermitted Explosive Disorder I was diagnosed with that big word right there. Also, Depression. I can't find a group for that. On face book I can but I don't know. They seem to be about moms with bratty kids. I am a man and have no kids. I am not sure this diagnosis really fits. It sounds like you get mad for no reason. I usually have a reason. But, what ever. I am going to a therapy class but would kind of like some online help and a group. I think people with mental illness should get all the help they can. So, hey everyone.",2,0,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,intermitted explosive disorder and depression,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how the online group would help you,,True,201 ek1807,Brother has short spurts where he goes missing but comes back and acts like nothing happened,1b,help-seeking,2," Hi there. I am seeking advice on how to best support my brother. My brother is 22 and for as long as I can remember he was unable to handle his emotions or communicate. When we were in high school he was diagnosed with depression but refused to take his medication and slept most days. Just to avoid confrontation he used to tell my mom he was going to school but would go sleep in a parking lot nearby. He recently, at 23, has had to move back home because he went missing for 2 weeks and would not answer any of our phone calls or tell us what was wrong. My parents found him in his apartment and thought he has a drug problem but he swore up and down he didn’t and moved home. He was doing better and had a great new girlfriend and seemed much better, but three days ago he went missing again and wont call or text back. He has called his girlfriend to say he is okay but wont even tell her what is wrong. This behavior to me is very alarming and I don’t know how to best support him. He obviously is struggling with something but I’m not sure the best way to reach out. I tell him I love him and that he can stay here but he just doesn’t reply and he blocked my number. Could it be drugs?? I really don’t know.",_fried-rice_,1,0,2,2020-01-04 19:34:23,mentalillness," Hi there. I am seeking advice on how to best support my brother. My brother is 22 and for as long as I can remember he was unable to handle his emotions or communicate. When we were in high school he was diagnosed with depression but refused to take his medication and slept most days. Just to avoid confrontation he used to tell my mom he was going to school but would go sleep in a parking lot nearby. He recently, at 23, has had to move back home because he went missing for 2 weeks and would not answer any of our phone calls or tell us what was wrong. My parents found him in his apartment and thought he has a drug problem but he swore up and down he didn’t and moved home. He was doing better and had a great new girlfriend and seemed much better, but three days ago he went missing again and wont call or text back. He has called his girlfriend to say he is okay but wont even tell her what is wrong. This behavior to me is very alarming and I don’t know how to best support him. He obviously is struggling with something but I’m not sure the best way to reach out. I tell him I love him and that he can stay here but he just doesn’t reply and he blocked my number. Could it be drugs?? I really don’t know.",2,0,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,your brother's depression,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you brother,,True,201 ekm383,Is this normal?,0,help-seeking,1,I can’t remember my own face. It’s fuzzy when I think about it. Also every time I look in the mirror I feel kind of surprised like oh that’s me...idk could be just because of my anxiety.,-IDKman--,1,0,1,2020-01-06 00:52:05,mentalillness,I can’t remember my own face. It’s fuzzy when I think about it. Also every time I look in the mirror I feel kind of surprised like oh that’s me...idk could be just because of my anxiety.,2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,not recognising your face and anxiety,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel so anxious,,True,200 eqa72q,"Deleting dealers numbers, but how does one handle social media",1a,help-seeking,2,"I am finally at the stage where I want to remove dealers from my phone/computer. Aside from the guilt, as I considered my 2 dealers friends, friends who were/are trapped in the same cycle I was/am in (I went to my first AA meeting with my primary dealer, went to detox the same time, schemed detoxing at home with each other, shared detox meds, talked about the misery of WD and loneliness when we were going through it, promoted each other's success when we made it a week, consoled each other through the shame of a relapse etc, bull shit or not, it felt real), it is arduous to eliminate them from social media. The phone number solution seems simple enough: block them via the cell phone provider and delete everything else. This addiction is cunning however. Even with blocking them by the provider, one could always call the provider to ""unblock"" and reacquire the contact. The next solution appears to be changing one's number. However, since being friends with the dealers, I know their social media handles. Deleting my accounts creates barriers, but if it came down to it, I can remake an account and add their public accounts in minutes. If looked at through the 12 step model, I can see the argument where I am not accepting my powerlessness over the substance and thus worrying about the wrong issue instead of focusing on the right issues. If looked at through a CBT model, I can see the argument that having the triggers are okay, as long as I know how to deal with them. That I need to allow time and new behaviors/emotional responses to restructure the neural pathways. But, what makes sense to me right now, are the quotes I've seen on these posts like, ""If you're at the barber shop long enough, you're going to get a haircut"", which make me feel that I need to cut off potential communication channels. **Tl;dr:** What advice would you give to make contacting past dealers impossible or extremely difficult given the ease of access social media provides (& protips on easing the guilt of aforementioned severing of ties)",vonsomnia,1,0,11,2020-01-18 01:57:50,OpiatesRecovery,"I am finally at the stage where I want to remove dealers from my phone/computer. Aside from the guilt, as I considered my 2 dealers friends, friends who were/are trapped in the same cycle I was/am in (I went to my first AA meeting with my primary dealer, went to detox the same time, schemed detoxing at home with each other, shared detox meds, talked about the misery of WD and loneliness when we were going through it, promoted each other's success when we made it a week, consoled each other through the shame of a relapse etc, bull shit or not, it felt real), it is arduous to eliminate them from social media. The phone number solution seems simple enough: block them via the cell phone provider and delete everything else. This addiction is cunning however. Even with blocking them by the provider, one could always call the provider to ""unblock"" and reacquire the contact. The next solution appears to be changing one's number. However, since being friends with the dealers, I know their social media handles. Deleting my accounts creates barriers, but if it came down to it, I can remake an account and add their public accounts in minutes. If looked at through the 12 step model, I can see the argument where I am not accepting my powerlessness over the substance and thus worrying about the wrong issue instead of focusing on the right issues. If looked at through a CBT model, I can see the argument that having the triggers are okay, as long as I know how to deal with them. That I need to allow time and new behaviors/emotional responses to restructure the neural pathways. But, what makes sense to me right now, are the quotes I've seen on these posts like, ""If you're at the barber shop long enough, you're going to get a haircut"", which make me feel that I need to cut off potential communication channels. **Tl;dr:** What advice would you give to make contacting past dealers impossible or extremely difficult given the ease of access social media provides (& protips on easing the guilt of aforementioned severing of ties)",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,feeling conflicted in deleting dealer's numbers,,,,True,202 eifnj4,At a party. In the bathroom. Reopening a scar. Wishing I were dead.,1a,rant,1,Goddamit. Why can I not enjoy this.,phantom3332,1,0,3,2020-01-01 07:30:12,selfharm, At a party. In the bathroom. Reopening a scar. Wishing I were dead. Goddamit. Why can I not enjoy this.,1,1,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you were reopening a scar at the party,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how did the party make you feel,What do you need help with now that X?,you were unable to enjoy the party,,True,110 eif7he,terrible new years,1b,rant,1,"so many things have happened today that just give me the urge to collapse into my mind my moms lover? idk what he is but his kid wouldn’t shut up and i only got couple hours of sleep from around 9am- 11am. his kid wouldn’t shut up which caused me and my mom to get frustrated with each other, i ate dinner alone in my room, it wasn’t even good. i just had a mini fight with my friend. she just apologized but she was being rude. i couldn’t tell if i was overreacting but it really hurt. my mom is the only one who woke up to watch the ball drop with me. my sister, and her SO didn’t wake up. my dad called wishing me a happy new years because he asked if i wanted to go toy uncles house but i declined. so yeah. i’m my mind my new years sucked more that any other holiday this year. i was a month clean :<",MythicHorizion87,1,0,0,2020-01-01 06:37:44,selfharm,"so many things have happened today that just give me the urge to collapse into my mind my moms lover? idk what he is but his kid wouldn’t shut up and i only got couple hours of sleep from around 9am- 11am. his kid wouldn’t shut up which caused me and my mom to get frustrated with each other, i ate dinner alone in my room, it wasn’t even good. i just had a mini fight with my friend. she just apologized but she was being rude. i couldn’t tell if i was overreacting but it really hurt. my mom is the only one who woke up to watch the ball drop with me. my sister, and her SO didn’t wake up. my dad called wishing me a happy new years because he asked if i wanted to go toy uncles house but i declined. so yeah. i’m my mind my new years sucked more that any other holiday this year. i was a month clean :<",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you had a terrible new year,,True,220 eox57t,Hallucinations all the time?,0,help-seeking,2,"Basically what the title says. I have little hallucinations quite frequently. Tonight when I looked at myself in the mirror, my heart was beating fast but it almost looked like a light flashing over my heart. I didnt get a whole lot of sleep last night but I still don't think this is normal. I have also used a lot of drugs and psychedelics in the past but now I am sober besides drinking alcohol sometimes and still see things or hear things that aren't there. I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and ptsd. I don't like self diagnosing but I also think I could have BPD. I know with that disorder, you can hallucinate also. Im not really sure what is going on. I have heard my boyfriend's grandma's dogs barking when they're not, have heard my boyfriend's voice and even cough when he's not even home, I have had static vision or things I look at will slightly move and warp. I have felt there was a shadow next to me when I was under a lot of stress etc. And recently I heard a male whisper ""hey"" in my ear after I got done taking a shower. My boyfriend's uncle recently passed so maybe that was him but Im not sure. These hallucinations happen too often that it's starting to worry me. If anyone knows why I'm experiencing this, I would love to hear feedback. Im just hoping this is just from anxiety or something and I'm not going completely crazy.",kayb1217,1,0,3,2020-01-15 04:06:14,mentalillness,"Basically what the title says. I have little hallucinations quite frequently. Tonight when I looked at myself in the mirror, my heart was beating fast but it almost looked like a light flashing over my heart. I didnt get a whole lot of sleep last night but I still don't think this is normal. I have also used a lot of drugs and psychedelics in the past but now I am sober besides drinking alcohol sometimes and still see things or hear things that aren't there. I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and ptsd. I don't like self diagnosing but I also think I could have BPD. I know with that disorder, you can hallucinate also. Im not really sure what is going on. I have heard my boyfriend's grandma's dogs barking when they're not, have heard my boyfriend's voice and even cough when he's not even home, I have had static vision or things I look at will slightly move and warp. I have felt there was a shadow next to me when I was under a lot of stress etc. And recently I heard a male whisper ""hey"" in my ear after I got done taking a shower. My boyfriend's uncle recently passed so maybe that was him but Im not sure. These hallucinations happen too often that it's starting to worry me. If anyone knows why I'm experiencing this, I would love to hear feedback. Im just hoping this is just from anxiety or something and I'm not going completely crazy.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,repeated,True,000 eioi6r,I feel like time is going by too quickly and I’m scared. Does anyone else feel the same?,1a,help-seeking,2,"Hi! I [F, 25] turned 25 this past year and it definitely caused me a bit of a quarter life crisis, but besides for that, I realized how time fast was going in my life. I started to think about aging and life and how long it would last for me and my loved ones. With it turning 2020, I feel like time is running out and I’m scared. I’m scared of people I love getting older and not being around at some point. I’m scared of how fast time is going and I don’t really know what to do. I’m scared about the fact that we don’t treat our earth right and the climate is changing so much. I’m scared thinking about whether or not I should bring in kids into a world like this even though I really want kids. I feel like my heart is too big and I worry so much and I’m just nervous. A huge part of me is incredibly excited for the next decade of my life, the next chapter, but I’m also so scared. Is anyone else feeling the same way? Does anyone else feel more self aware of time? How are you dealing with it all? Any words of wisdom will help. Thank you! TLDR: I’m scared about how fast time is going. Looking for tips on getting through this!",doyouhaveatuba,1,0,1,2020-01-01 22:00:31,Anxiety,"Hi! I [F, 25] turned 25 this past year and it definitely caused me a bit of a quarter life crisis, but besides for that, I realized how time fast was going in my life. I started to think about aging and life and how long it would last for me and my loved ones. With it turning 2020, I feel like time is running out and I’m scared. I’m scared of people I love getting older and not being around at some point. I’m scared of how fast time is going and I don’t really know what to do. I’m scared about the fact that we don’t treat our earth right and the climate is changing so much. I’m scared thinking about whether or not I should bring in kids into a world like this even though I really want kids. I feel like my heart is too big and I worry so much and I’m just nervous. A huge part of me is incredibly excited for the next decade of my life, the next chapter, but I’m also so scared. Is anyone else feeling the same way? Does anyone else feel more self aware of time? How are you dealing with it all? Any words of wisdom will help. Thank you! TLDR: I’m scared about how fast time is going. Looking for tips on getting through this!",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 ei96g3,I wonder what the venn diagram chart for anger and a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder look like,0,chitchat,1,,westonewoof,1,0,4,2019-12-31 21:33:12,Anger,I wonder what the venn diagram chart for anger and a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder look like nan,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 f7pl6r,Having a tough time lately.,0,rant,1,"I'm new to reddit and i dont know if i should be doing this but here i go. I'm 16 years old and i have been feeling really sad all the time this past month. I feel like I'm all alone by myself and that no one truly cares. There was one friend i have and she's like a sister to me. She has supported me always whenever i was down but now i feel like she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I feel like she is tired of my ""drama"" and doesnt want anymore of it. All my friends(which are only a few) go to places together and I'm always here inside my house hoping that i could have a life like them. So much other stuff is happening and i dont know how I'll handle it. It's really eating me inside and i want to be stronger but i can't no matter how much i try.",Just_another_guy18,1,0,2,2020-02-22 07:53:43,getting_over_it,"I'm new to reddit and i dont know if i should be doing this but here i go. I'm 16 years old and i have been feeling really sad all the time this past month. I feel like I'm all alone by myself and that no one truly cares. There was one friend i have and she's like a sister to me. She has supported me always whenever i was down but now i feel like she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I feel like she is tired of my ""drama"" and doesnt want anymore of it. All my friends(which are only a few) go to places together and I'm always here inside my house hoping that i could have a life like them. So much other stuff is happening and i dont know how I'll handle it. It's really eating me inside and i want to be stronger but i can't no matter how much i try.",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what made you sad the past month,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are feeling lonely and sad,,True,120 ej2gjs,"Yo lads, hows it hanging",0,help-seeking,1,"So, I was just wondering, if I speak with a counselor or someone of that profession and I speak to then about my suicidal thoughts and my self harm, would they admit me, or send me to a ward? And also, would they tell my parents? If the answers to these are yes, then how can I get help without my parents knowing? See ya l8r",itshighnnoon,15,0,28,2020-01-02 19:00:25,selfharm,"So, I was just wondering, if I speak with a counselor or someone of that profession and I speak to then about my suicidal thoughts and my self harm, would they admit me, or send me to a ward? And also, would they tell my parents? If the answers to these are yes, then how can I get help without my parents knowing? See ya l8r",0,0,2,What happened that you want X ?,to speak to a counsellor,Why are you wanting X ?,your parents to not know about your thoughts,,,,True,002 ek1zbw,My therapist recommended an emotional support dog but I can’t afford a trained one,0,help-seeking,1,"I was diagnosed with PTSD because of years of sexual abuse. It comes up sometimes in conversation, and people will thank me for my military service and I’m like nope never done that. So when I go to the shelter I want to be able to explain I want a cuddly dog to hold during panic attacks because of my ptsd, but I just know they’re gonna assume I’m ex military. Because I want the right kind of dog I wanna be as specific and honest with the shelter people as possible but I also don’t want to burden them with my trauma. So what do??? I dunno. Help?",fib0nacci_sequins,5,0,15,2020-01-04 20:29:30,ptsd,"I was diagnosed with PTSD because of years of sexual abuse. It comes up sometimes in conversation, and people will thank me for my military service and I’m like nope never done that. So when I go to the shelter I want to be able to explain I want a cuddly dog to hold during panic attacks because of my ptsd, but I just know they’re gonna assume I’m ex military. Because I want the right kind of dog I wanna be as specific and honest with the shelter people as possible but I also don’t want to burden them with my trauma. So what do??? I dunno. Help?",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,the panic attacks due to PTSD,,,,True,202 el1hf3,Very sad,0,rant,3,,MD-jojo,1,0,0,2020-01-06 22:26:10,sad,Very sad nan,0,1,0,What made you feel X ?,sad,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you are feeling,What can help you overcome X ?,this feeling of sadness,,True,010 eizsk8,Probably not related but,1b,survey,1,"Just in case. DAE get really territorial over their stuff, space etc? I mean even if I trust a person I still cant let them go near it without hovering nearby the whole time and I thoug, well, if anybody would know if its PTSD it would be you guys. And if it isn't, thats one cause I can write of. So, really curious about y'alls opinion. Thanks in advance!",Just_a_Lurker2,1,0,10,2020-01-02 15:44:20,ptsd,"Just in case. DAE get really territorial over their stuff, space etc? I mean even if I trust a person I still cant let them go near it without hovering nearby the whole time. I thoug, well, if anybody would know if its PTSD it would be you guys. And if it isn't, thats one cause I can write of. So, really curious about y'alls opinion. Thanks in advance!",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,someone touching your stuff,,,,True,202 eiep3x,The only reason I am alive is to be beautifully in love,0,survey,1,"I just want to be beautifully in love, fully in love, you and I, me and you, as one, forever, thriving! At the end of the day, you’re my muse. We’re each other’s muse. Is anyone else like this? I feel like I’ve sold my soul to love and I want a relationship where we are so in love. Happily ever after as long as we have each other!",itdoesntmatterbabes,1,0,4,2020-01-01 05:43:16,BPD,"I just want to be beautifully in love, fully in love, you and I, me and you, as one, forever, thriving! At the end of the day, you’re my muse. We’re each other’s muse. Is anyone else like this? I feel like I’ve sold my soul to love and I want a relationship where we are so in love. Happily ever after as long as we have each other!",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eiwub9,Medication and mental health,0,help-seeking,1,How to does the medication interfere with depression/anxiety? Does it heighten or lower it from your experience? Or does it effect it at all? Thinking of starting medication for my ADHD as it’s hard to cope with but also struggling a lot with mental health and don’t want to worsen that. Ty in advance,hashtonic,1,0,5,2020-01-02 10:55:33,ADHD,How to does the medication interfere with depression/anxiety? Does it heighten or lower it from your experience? Or does it effect it at all? Thinking of starting medication for my ADHD as it’s hard to cope with but also struggling a lot with mental health and don’t want to worsen that. Ty in advance,2,0,2,,,,,,,,True,202 ei95bn,Trying to start sobriety,1a,help-seeking,2,"Currently addicted to meth and I can see how much its hurting my fiancee especially with a heart condition that it shouldn't be paired with considering that its raising my chances of death. I've slowed down a lot from how much I was using when I first met my fiance, but its been hard to stop it completely. I use little to where I still get hungry daily and can eat 1-2 meals a day and I'm able to sleep at night. But getting up in the mornings and keeping going through the day is extremely hard without it. I've gotten into a religion I actually care for to help me keep my mind preoccupied and what not, but I dont know what else to do...",Flora_K,1,0,2,2019-12-31 21:30:44,addiction,"Currently addicted to meth and I can see how much its hurting my fiancee especially with a heart condition that it shouldn't be paired with considering that its raising my chances of death. I've slowed down a lot from how much I was using when I first met my fiance, but its been hard to stop it completely. I use little to where I still get hungry daily and can eat 1-2 meals a day and I'm able to sleep at night. But getting up in the mornings and keeping going through the day is extremely hard without it. I've gotten into a religion I actually care for to help me keep my mind preoccupied and what not, but I dont know what else to do...",2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,meth addiction,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unable to control your addiction,,True,200 elv7hn,Sinking Realization,1a,rant,2," I started therapy recently. My symptoms (that I previously thought were me developing depression on top of my bipolar disorders) came to a head. I went to stay with my mom a few days after a heated paranoid arguement to give my poor boyfriend some space. I promptly lost my job after months of struggling. It was time to start healing. In 2018 I lost a wanted pregnancy. She was due in April of 2019. I had just lost my job. I have no friends. I was abused for years as a child, and have lived a particularly sad life. I've been homeless twice. I am 22. I'm constantly an anxious, paranoid mess. My motivation to clean house, accomplish things, even play video games, seems permanently reduced and has been for nearly a year. Yet... None of that was it. It took some digesting, but I was strong enough to bare all of that and more. When the therapist shocked me with the PTSD diagnosis, I considered every possibility to the extent of exhaustion for the cause. I fought it tooth and nail, that conclusion. Until finally, I put my following of r/narcissisticabuse to work. I found a book called Why Does He Do That? by an author who's first name is Lundy. Swallowed my pride and began reading. Hi, everyone. My name is Kayla, and I am 22. I am here because so blind was I by love, that I could not recognize that my relationship was quietly ruining my mind... To the point I could no longer trust my mind to tell me what was real. Here's to trying to accept that my relationship has given me currently nonfunctional PTSD, watching some movies, and trying not to cry while I figure out what to do.",MrCrowbarMeek,1,0,1,2020-01-08 16:45:30,ptsd," I started therapy recently. My symptoms (that I previously thought were me developing depression on top of my bipolar disorders) came to a head. I went to stay with my mom a few days after a heated paranoid arguement to give my poor boyfriend some space. I promptly lost my job after months of struggling. It was time to start healing. In 2018 I lost a wanted pregnancy. She was due in April of 2019. I had just lost my job. I have no friends. I was abused for years as a child, and have lived a particularly sad life. I've been homeless twice. I am 22. I'm constantly an anxious, paranoid mess. My motivation to clean house, accomplish things, even play video games, seems permanently reduced and has been for nearly a year. Yet... None of that was it. It took some digesting, but I was strong enough to bare all of that and more. When the therapist shocked me with the PTSD diagnosis, I considered every possibility to the extent of exhaustion for the cause. I fought it tooth and nail, that conclusion. Until finally, I put my following of r/narcissisticabuse to work. I found a book called Why Does He Do That? by an author who's first name is Lundy. Swallowed my pride and began reading. Hi, everyone. My name is Kayla, and I am 22. I am here because so blind was I by love, that I could not recognize that my relationship was quietly ruining my mind... To the point I could no longer trust my mind to tell me what was real. Here's to trying to accept that my relationship has given me currently nonfunctional PTSD, watching some movies, and trying not to cry while I figure out what to do.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,your relationship has given you PTSD,,True,220 eyof2l,"Litterature, guide books or other material about how to integrate anger?",0,help-seeking,1,"I work as a consultant and use a different approach to anger: In my view, it is a natural emotion, which arises for a reason. A way to work with too much (or mostly too little) anger is make a setting wherein the client can express the anger or aggression totally unfiltered. Verbally and mentally let it out. It works very well on most people. Of course it's not anything new, but unfortunately I haven't been able to find much litterature or other expert material describing the same method or a variant of it. Does anybody knows of something similar?",thomaslindvig,1,0,6,2020-02-04 10:59:46,Anger,"I work as a consultant and use a different approach to anger: In my view, it is a natural emotion, which arises for a reason. A way to work with too much (or mostly too little) anger is make a setting wherein the client can express the anger or aggression totally unfiltered. Verbally and mentally let it out. It works very well on most people. Of course it's not anything new, but unfortunately I haven't been able to find much litterature or other expert material describing the same method or a variant of it. Does anybody knows of something similar?",2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,the new approach to managing anger,,,,True,202 ein8f1,Dealing with NPD silent treatment,0,rant,1,"I have BPD and my significant other has NPD , so it is very harsh for me, i have like 20 emotional swings a day and she cut all of the communication. how do i ""win"" this matchup. Some sources say NPD's can't stand being ignored. Eventually she will need the positivity and praise and come back to me, right? I want her back and i have exams this week i cannot concentrate on anything....",buffalosoldierwp365,1,0,10,2020-01-01 20:24:57,BPD,"I have BPD and my significant other has NPD , so it is very harsh for me, i have like 20 emotional swings a day and she cut all of the communication. how do i ""win"" this matchup. Some sources say NPD's can't stand being ignored. Eventually she will need the positivity and praise and come back to me, right? I want her back. i have exams this week i cannot concentrate on anything....",2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel after your significant other cut off communication,,,,True,212 ei8h28,I relapsed today.,1a,help-seeking,1,"Hello all. I unfortunately used again today, despite going to my first NA meeting last night. My loneliness, is a trigger. I spent the whole day by myself, and decided it wouldn't hurt to light up one more time. I have a job interview, next Monday. I don't want to lose my life. I am usually a proud person, and solve my problems on my own. But, I know I need to reach out to someone before I spiral out of control. I honestly see myself giving up everything for it. Please, any advice and tips would help me in this low moment. I have no one in my life currently. Thank you.",spitfire430,1,0,14,2019-12-31 20:37:14,addiction,"Hello all. I unfortunately used again today, despite going to my first NA meeting last night. My loneliness, is a trigger. I spent the whole day by myself, and decided it wouldn't hurt to light up one more time. I have a job interview, next Monday. I don't want to lose my life. I am usually a proud person, and solve my problems on my own. But, I know I need to reach out to someone before I spiral out of control. I honestly see myself giving up everything for it. Please, any advice and tips would help me in this low moment. I have no one in my life currently. Thank you.",2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,NA meeting,,,,True,202 elkuq8,Flashbacks to abusive mom caused by society's hatred of fat people,1b,survey,2,"Forgive me if this post is poorly worded. I'm so fucking infuriated right now I can barely form a coherent sentence. I guess I'm just trying to reach out and see if anyone can empathize or relate. While trying to find something to watch on YouTube tonight, I came across a video in my suggestions with a title that was something to the effect of ""the plague of fat acceptance"". This incredibly sadistic attitude toward not just the overweight but also vulnerable and / or oppressed groups in general is something that's become incredible pervasive in recent years, and every day I have to endure this piece of shit culture immersed in said attitudes. It makes me want to blow my fucking brains out for more reasons than one. (Don't worry, I'm legally obligated to say that I'm not suicidal at the moment.) My abusive piece of shit mother (may she rest in piss) loved to dehumanize me for a number of factors ranging from my being bisexual to something as petty as my taste in music, but in particular she reveled in abusing me for my weight. I can explicitly recall one time she came home from the grocery store and screamed at me ""look! Food! That's all you care about, right?"" She also would tell me to ""go eat a Twinkie"". I'm sorry if this all sounds ridiculous. (For reference I'm 5' 8'' and about 210 pounds - not exactly morbidly obese but by mommy dearest's standards I might as well have been Baron Harkonnen from *Dune*.) Am I the only person who gets infuriated and disheartened every time shit like this comes up? These are great times for ""people"" without an iota of compassion in them.",vengeancesavage,1,0,4,2020-01-08 00:47:58,ptsd,"Forgive me if this post is poorly worded. I'm so fucking infuriated right now I can barely form a coherent sentence. I guess I'm just trying to reach out and see if anyone can empathize or relate. While trying to find something to watch on YouTube tonight, I came across a video in my suggestions with a title that was something to the effect of ""the plague of fat acceptance"". This incredibly sadistic attitude toward not just the overweight but also vulnerable and / or oppressed groups in general is something that's become incredible pervasive in recent years, and every day I have to endure this piece of shit culture immersed in said attitudes. It makes me want to blow my fucking brains out for more reasons than one. (Don't worry, I'm legally obligated to say that I'm not suicidal at the moment.) My abusive piece of shit mother (may she rest in piss) loved to dehumanize me for a number of factors ranging from my being bisexual to something as petty as my taste in music, but in particular she reveled in abusing me for my weight. I can explicitly recall one time she came home from the grocery store and screamed at me ""look! Food! That's all you care about, right?"" She also would tell me to ""go eat a Twinkie"". I'm sorry if this all sounds ridiculous. (For reference I'm 5' 8'' and about 210 pounds - not exactly morbidly obese but by mommy dearest's standards I might as well have been Baron Harkonnen from *Dune*.) Am I the only person who gets infuriated and disheartened every time shit like this comes up? These are great times for ""people"" without an iota of compassion in them.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 elbppp,I can't sleep I can't eat but i can post my shit of reddit at 4 am,1a,rant,1,,MostDank420,1,0,0,2020-01-07 13:42:59,sad,I can't sleep I can't eat but i can post my shit of reddit at 4 am nan,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you can't sleep or eat,How did X make you feel?,not being able to sleep or eat,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unable to sleep or eat,,True,100 ekm4fi,"Best friend’s dad who cares for me a lot as a child passed away really suddenly, can’t make it to the ceremony",1b,rant,2,"My best friend of 10 years’ dad suddenly passed away last week, on December 31st. We are sisters and soulmates and I know her family really well, we met when we were 8 and although we are really far geographically, we keep in touch. She is devastated and heartbroken, she asked me to come to the ceremony because amongst her friends I’ve known him for the longest time. Unfortunately, she lives in France, I live in Brazil and I can’t make it to the ceremony. I’ve tried everything but it’s so expensive and he passed the day before I boarded my plane back to Brazil. I feel horrible for not being able to attend, heartbroken because he passed and scared she’ll hate me forever because I can’t make it. I am dealing with the loss as best I can, shouldering the financial burden to the best of my ability by also paying for the ceremony and just making a donation for her family’s future but nothing could ever replace my being there. I can’t find the right words to tell her I won’t make it besides I’m sorry, I love you, it hurts me too and I really wish things were different. I’m terribly sorry about my grammar and all, I just need to let it all out. It’s my first time dealing with great grief and someone else’s at the same time. Someone really important to me at that... Have a nice day/evening everyone.",Minyaksol,1,0,0,2020-01-06 00:54:34,sad,"My best friend of 10 years’ dad suddenly passed away last week, on December 31st. We are sisters and soulmates and I know her family really well, we met when we were 8 and although we are really far geographically, we keep in touch. She is devastated and heartbroken, she asked me to come to the ceremony because amongst her friends I’ve known him for the longest time. Unfortunately, she lives in France, I live in Brazil and I can’t make it to the ceremony. I’ve tried everything but it’s so expensive and he passed the day before I boarded my plane back to Brazil. I feel horrible for not being able to attend, heartbroken because he passed and scared she’ll hate me forever because I can’t make it. I am dealing with the loss as best I can, shouldering the financial burden to the best of my ability by also paying for the ceremony and just making a donation for her family’s future but nothing could ever replace my being there. I can’t find the right words to tell her I won’t make it besides I’m sorry, I love you, it hurts me too and I really wish things were different. I’m terribly sorry about my grammar and all, I just need to let it all out. It’s my first time dealing with great grief and someone else’s at the same time. Someone really important to me at that... Have a nice day/evening everyone.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unable to attend the funeral,,True,220 f72s8m,Anger has turned into unbearable anxiety,1a,help-seeking,2,"After working on my anger for so many years I entered a couple of toxic relationships and I developed horrible coping skills. I also developed anxiety that began to trigger my anger. I feel like my anxiety was always a trigger but definitely took it to the next level this time. I felt like the only way I was heard was by screaming but the truth is that they simply weren’t listening and quite frankly you can’t force someone to listen(especially if they don’t care too) and they will be less likely to understand or empathize with your concern if you are screaming out of rage. I know it seems obvious but the truth is.. when I’m in my red state I just don’t realize this. I know We can become irrational in anger but I made an agreement with myself to hold myself accountable for things done out of anger and that helps a lot. So recently.. if triggered just slightly it feels like I just spiral down within just a few seconds and then it feels like I’m getting the bends, then a headache, and then literally feels like the world is about to end and if it’s not then somehow mine is, and a slew of self deprecating thoughts flood my head. It feels like my whole body is being ripped apart and all I can do is sit in a dark room in the quiet. This made me develop a coping skill of counting backward from 5-0 imagining 5 as the color red and 0 as a rich confident and calming blue. It has seemed to help. I have now started using this technique as soon as I develop any anxieties and it’s really helped. I want this to continue working and do believe with a few more healthy coping mechanisms I will really be able to help myself feel better about myself. Taking Suggestions. Thanks guys!",herroboii,1,0,2,2020-02-21 00:33:31,Anger,"After working on my anger for so many years I entered a couple of toxic relationships and I developed horrible coping skills. I also developed anxiety that began to trigger my anger. I feel like my anxiety was always a trigger but definitely took it to the next level this time. I felt like the only way I was heard was by screaming but the truth is that they simply weren’t listening and quite frankly you can’t force someone to listen(especially if they don’t care too) and they will be less likely to understand or empathize with your concern if you are screaming out of rage. I know it seems obvious but the truth is.. when I’m in my red state I just don’t realize this. I know We can become irrational in anger but I made an agreement with myself to hold myself accountable for things done out of anger and that helps a lot. So recently.. if triggered just slightly it feels like I just spiral down within just a few seconds and then it feels like I’m getting the bends, then a headache, and then literally feels like the world is about to end and if it’s not then somehow mine is, and a slew of self deprecating thoughts flood my head. It feels like my whole body is being ripped apart and all I can do is sit in a dark room in the quiet. This made me develop a coping skill of counting backward from 5-0 imagining 5 as the color red and 0 as a rich confident and calming blue. It has seemed to help. I have now started using this technique as soon as I develop any anxieties and it’s really helped. I want this to continue working and do believe with a few more healthy coping mechanisms I will really be able to help myself feel better about myself. Taking Suggestions. Thanks guys!",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you get triggered easily,,True,220 eiookr,DOING the Parenting with ADHD,1a,help-seeking,3,"Hi all you out there! I've been following this group silently for a while, waiting to find my voice. I'm a 33 year old recently self-discovered, though undiagnosed, ADD Inattentive Type human. I'm relieved that I can finally put words to why I've always felt like I worked differently, and I now know that there are people out there who would “get” me in ways I'm not used to being understood. This subreddit has been a life-changer. Thank you all for existing. Ok. I have SO many queries, but I thought I'd start with this monumental one for me. All the info I can find out there is about parenting KIDS with AD/HD, but mine is a reverse tale: I'm mama to a super sweet and strong-willed 3-year-old and have been struggling since his birth with this role. For starters, I'm an introvert and have always relished having extended daily periods of alone time. That is no more. I take a few minutes or an hour here or there when I can, but it's never enough to replenish my energy. Other details: 1. When I start a task I get realllllly into it and it takes a force of nature to to switch my interest (whereas daily parenting duties like playing toddler games and our entire bedtime routine are hard to tap into). 2. I can't seem to filter out noises or talking, regardless of whether they're directed at me. 3. I'm quite emotionally reactive, though getting better I think? (...Do you see the storm a-brewing?) Here's the scenario: At home, when I'm engaged in an activity and my son says something, I involuntarily shift my attention to what he's saying and then struggle to bring it back again. Even if he's just making a noise or saying “mama” (sometimes on repeat) after I've asked him to wait a moment, I can't block it out. Here's an example. Tonight he was crying ""I want to watch a movie!"" over and over again. After addressing his request with a ""not tonight because we already watched a movie today, and now we are going to have dinner,” I'd LIKE to be able to just ignore these continual outbursts and move on to something else; let him see that this technique doesn't get an emotional response so he grows tired of it, moves on, etc. But every single time he says “I want to watch a movie, my brain un-hooks from whatever I'm doing/thinking, focuses on his noise, and re-processes it (as in, I actually think to myself, “Oh, he just said 'I-want-to-watch-a-movie'” AGAIN, rather than let it blur into the background). These “interruptions” then happened in increments ranging from seconds to minutes apart over the next hour. It's maddening, and it can feel downright impossible to do necessary things like cook dinner or plan the day or remember what I was about to do or just have a simple human thought. So when these attention-demanding distractions are constantly happening and my brain is ping-ponging around and I can't complete a single task, I get angry. Sometimes it turns explosive and I scream and have to make myself walk away. I catch myself often, explaining to him beforehand that I'm starting to feel frustrated/need quiet time, etc. But (a) he's 3 and he just doesn't have that self-control/ability to re-direct yet, and (b) at this point I'm not able to think straight or act logically. So it happens. It's not his fault. I think if I could keep my calm he might be able to, too. I want to be more patient and present with him (not to mention teach him better coping skills). I've done so much research and reflecting on parenting and child development through the years and I know what kind of parent I want to be, I just can't seem to do it. This constant struggle keeps my stress levels chronically high, energy reserves depleted, and severely reduces the happy bonding time we spend together. It makes me so sad. Does anyone else out there struggle with parenting with AD/HD? TL;DR: Parenting with ADD is hard and it is hampering my ability to connect with my kiddo, any advice/resources/amens?",Pachamuffin,1,0,21,2020-01-01 22:13:41,ADHD,"Hi all you out there! I've been following this group silently for a while, waiting to find my voice. I'm a 33 year old recently self-discovered, though undiagnosed, ADD Inattentive Type human. I'm relieved that I can finally put words to why I've always felt like I worked differently, and I now know that there are people out there who would “get” me in ways I'm not used to being understood. This subreddit has been a life-changer. Thank you all for existing. Ok. I have SO many queries, but I thought I'd start with this monumental one for me. All the info I can find out there is about parenting KIDS with AD/HD, but mine is a reverse tale: I'm mama to a super sweet and strong-willed 3-year-old and have been struggling since his birth with this role. For starters, I'm an introvert and have always relished having extended daily periods of alone time. That is no more. I take a few minutes or an hour here or there when I can, but it's never enough to replenish my energy. Other details: 1. When I start a task I get realllllly into it and it takes a force of nature to to switch my interest (whereas daily parenting duties like playing toddler games and our entire bedtime routine are hard to tap into). 2. I can't seem to filter out noises or talking, regardless of whether they're directed at me. 3. I'm quite emotionally reactive, though getting better I think? (...Do you see the storm a-brewing?) Here's the scenario: At home, when I'm engaged in an activity and my son says something, I involuntarily shift my attention to what he's saying and then struggle to bring it back again. Even if he's just making a noise or saying “mama” (sometimes on repeat) after I've asked him to wait a moment, I can't block it out. Here's an example. Tonight he was crying ""I want to watch a movie!"" over and over again. After addressing his request with a ""not tonight because we already watched a movie today, and now we are going to have dinner,” I'd LIKE to be able to just ignore these continual outbursts and move on to something else; let him see that this technique doesn't get an emotional response so he grows tired of it, moves on, etc. But every single time he says “I want to watch a movie, my brain un-hooks from whatever I'm doing/thinking, focuses on his noise, and re-processes it (as in, I actually think to myself, “Oh, he just said 'I-want-to-watch-a-movie'” AGAIN, rather than let it blur into the background). These “interruptions” then happened in increments ranging from seconds to minutes apart over the next hour. It's maddening, and it can feel downright impossible to do necessary things like cook dinner or plan the day or remember what I was about to do or just have a simple human thought. So when these attention-demanding distractions are constantly happening and my brain is ping-ponging around and I can't complete a single task, I get angry. Sometimes it turns explosive and I scream and have to make myself walk away. I catch myself often, explaining to him beforehand that I'm starting to feel frustrated/need quiet time, etc. But (a) he's 3 and he just doesn't have that self-control/ability to re-direct yet, and (b) at this point I'm not able to think straight or act logically. So it happens. It's not his fault. I think if I could keep my calm he might be able to, too. I want to be more patient and present with him (not to mention teach him better coping skills). I've done so much research and reflecting on parenting and child development through the years and I know what kind of parent I want to be, I just can't seem to do it. This constant struggle keeps my stress levels chronically high, energy reserves depleted, and severely reduces the happy bonding time we spend together. It makes me so sad. Does anyone else out there struggle with parenting with AD/HD? TL;DR: Parenting with ADD is hard and it is hampering my ability to connect with my kiddo, any advice/resources/amens?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ekz8hz,Do you have trouble sending voice notes?,0,help-seeking,1,I think I've only send 2 voice notes in my entire life because I get way to anxious when trying. I definitely prefer writing even if it's too long. Do you feel the same?,paulouv,1,0,4,2020-01-06 19:51:47,socialanxiety,I think I've only send 2 voice notes in my entire life because I get way to anxious when trying. I definitely prefer writing even if it's too long. Do you feel the same?,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you get anxious while sending voice mails,How did X make you feel?,sending voice mails,What do you need help with now that X?,you get anxious while sending voice mails,,True,100 exc2vd,Help for my best friend,1b,help-seeking,2,"My best friend (33) is many states away. Her husband(34) of almost ten years left her for a woman(24) at his work that he met three month ago. They are already divorced. She came to visit about a month after and was expectedly devastated. She feels like a bad mom. She has a four year old daughter that she has primary custody of. She feels worthless and not good enough. She doesn’t think she can trust anyone again. I’ve never seen someone is so much emotional pain. She said it feels like someone died and she never feels happy. She is seeing a therapist but I’ve suggested she see a psychiatrist which she’s calling Monday. I’ve also suggested an urgent care for today. I’m calling her more often and sending cards. But she is having a horrible time maintaining control of her emotions and I want to know how I can help her. She called me today sobbing saying “He’s taking her away!” And I thought he threatened to take away her daughter but she meant for the weekend. Per their agreement, and it’s not even this weekend, it’s next weekend. Her ex is not helping saying his new girlfriend is “the love of his life” and he wants to marry her. He even pretended that he had married her just to make my friend more upset. She’s also really lashing out at him. Calling him names, screaming at the top of her lungs that she hates him, calling the girlfriend a whore. I understand how hurt she is, but it’s been three months and she seems to be getting increasingly more angry instead of getting even slightly better. I’m worried her reactions, while understandable, will actually cost her her daughter. She’s normally a very sweet and kind person. I’ve talked to her about talking to him only when needed and being just a robot, unemotional, just information for when he needs to get their daughter. But it’s hard when he keeps baiting her with his new girl friend. Is there anything else I can do to try and help her? I forgot to mention that yesterday she released the name of the woman on Facebook and told everyone she wanted to know she was a whore. My friend’s sister who has mental health issues took up the call and messaged over 50 of the woman’s friends including her parents, grandmother, and aunts saying that their family member was a whore who slept with a married man and broke up a family.",kitzunenotsuki,1,0,1,2020-02-01 20:27:59,getting_over_it,"My best friend (33) is many states away. Her husband(34) of almost ten years left her for a woman(24) at his work that he met three month ago. They are already divorced. She came to visit about a month after and was expectedly devastated. She feels like a bad mom. She has a four year old daughter that she has primary custody of. She feels worthless and not good enough. She doesn’t think she can trust anyone again. I’ve never seen someone is so much emotional pain. She said it feels like someone died and she never feels happy. She is seeing a therapist but I’ve suggested she see a psychiatrist which she’s calling Monday. I’ve also suggested an urgent care for today. I’m calling her more often and sending cards. But she is having a horrible time maintaining control of her emotions.I want to know how I can help her. She called me today sobbing saying “He’s taking her away!” And I thought he threatened to take away her daughter but she meant for the weekend. Per their agreement, and it’s not even this weekend, it’s next weekend. Her ex is not helping saying his new girlfriend is “the love of his life” and he wants to marry her. He even pretended that he had married her just to make my friend more upset. She’s also really lashing out at him. Calling him names, screaming at the top of her lungs that she hates him, calling the girlfriend a whore. I understand how hurt she is, but it’s been three months and she seems to be getting increasingly more angry instead of getting even slightly better. I’m worried her reactions, while understandable, will actually cost her her daughter. She’s normally a very sweet and kind person. I’ve talked to her about talking to him only when needed and being just a robot, unemotional, just information for when he needs to get their daughter. But it’s hard when he keeps baiting her with his new girl friend. Is there anything else I can do to try and help her? I forgot to mention that yesterday she released the name of the woman on Facebook and told everyone she wanted to know she was a whore. My friend’s sister who has mental health issues took up the call and messaged over 50 of the woman’s friends including her parents, grandmother, and aunts saying that their family member was a whore who slept with a married man and broke up a family.",2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about your friend's condition,,,,True,212 emolib,So confused about this - my therapist says it was sexual assault,1b,rant,2,"I am in therapy for a sexual assault that happened recently, but during the sessions we have also talked about something from my past that I suddenly can’t stop thinking about. It happened ten years ago and I never told anyone. It’s my most shameful memory and I have been trying to forget it ever happened. I always thought of it as something I did, not something that was done to me. But it felt like the assault that happened two months ago, I felt the same kind of fear and shame afterwards. My therapist tells me I was actually assaulted back then, but I don’t think I agree with her. At least I’m not sure. I have written one post about it earlier, I hope it’s ok that I do it again. I was 18, I was at a club and met 3 guys who were older than me. I think they were in their mid to late twenties. I was very drunk, to the point where I had blackouts, but I think I was having a good time. I agreed to go with them to their house to drink and party some more (stupid decision, I know). I think they were all roommates, but I’m not sure. I ended up making out with one of them. We went to his bedroom and had sex. I’m pretty sure it was consensual, but it was out of character for me, I only did it because I was very, very drunk. But I participated, kissed him and everything. I think I would have felt ok about it if nothing else had happened. I fell asleep and woke up when his friend entered the room. I was still naked and very intoxicated. I didn’t move at all. He started having sex with me right away, there was nothing leading up to it. I didn’t say no because I didn’t say or do anything, it was like I was paralyzed. I was repulsed by him. I didn’t like it at all. I didn’t look at him, I didn’t move. I couldn’t believe it was happening. Then, afterwards, the 3rd guy came in and started having sex with me too. I was lying totally still, I think I was visibly uncomfortable. I was so disgusted by it, and I finally said “please stop”. He did, and he left the room. Before leaving the house, I started crying and shaking. One of them called a cab and followed me to the car. The next day I just decided to pretend it never happened. But I think I have been sort of hating myself for it ever since. I still don’t understand why I didn’t say no earlier. But I didn’t say yes either. I’m not even sure how the second and third guy could even tell that I was awake. I was just lying face down, trying to pretend it wasn’t happening. Who would even want to have sex with someone like that?",Still_confused88,1,0,42,2020-01-10 09:23:47,rapecounseling,"I am in therapy for a sexual assault that happened recently, but during the sessions we have also talked about something from my past that I suddenly can’t stop thinking about. It happened ten years ago and I never told anyone. It’s my most shameful memory and I have been trying to forget it ever happened. I always thought of it as something I did, not something that was done to me. But it felt like the assault that happened two months ago, I felt the same kind of fear and shame afterwards. My therapist tells me I was actually assaulted back then, but I don’t think I agree with her. At least I’m not sure. I have written one post about it earlier, I hope it’s ok that I do it again. I was 18, I was at a club and met 3 guys who were older than me. I think they were in their mid to late twenties. I was very drunk, to the point where I had blackouts, but I think I was having a good time. I agreed to go with them to their house to drink and party some more (stupid decision, I know). I think they were all roommates, but I’m not sure. I ended up making out with one of them. We went to his bedroom and had sex. I’m pretty sure it was consensual, but it was out of character for me, I only did it because I was very, very drunk. But I participated, kissed him and everything. I think I would have felt ok about it if nothing else had happened. I fell asleep and woke up when his friend entered the room. I was still naked and very intoxicated. I didn’t move at all. He started having sex with me right away, there was nothing leading up to it. I didn’t say no because I didn’t say or do anything, it was like I was paralyzed. I was repulsed by him. I didn’t like it at all. I didn’t look at him, I didn’t move. I couldn’t believe it was happening. Then, afterwards, the 3rd guy came in and started having sex with me too. I was lying totally still, I think I was visibly uncomfortable. I was so disgusted by it, and I finally said “please stop”. He did, and he left the room. Before leaving the house, I started crying and shaking. One of them called a cab and followed me to the car. The next day I just decided to pretend it never happened. But I think I have been sort of hating myself for it ever since. I still don’t understand why I didn’t say no earlier. But I didn’t say yes either. I’m not even sure how the second and third guy could even tell that I was awake. I was just lying face down, trying to pretend it wasn’t happening. Who would even want to have sex with someone like that?",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel confused about the incident,,True,220 einkp1,Any advice for those of us who are touch-starved?,0,help-seeking,1,"...those of us who so badly miss and need touch - but for whichever reason: be it struggling self-worth, body image struggles, fears of being open and close, or just one wants to touch us. How are we suppose to cope?",Klinky_von_Tankerman,1,0,4,2020-01-01 20:50:44,BPD,"...those of us who so badly miss and need touch - but for whichever reason: be it struggling self-worth, body image struggles, fears of being open and close, or just one wants to touch us. How are we suppose to cope?",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,badly missing touch,,,,True,202 ei78c8,Got invited to a NYE party where I have no friends.,1b,help-seeking,1,"Idk why I’m even still worrying about it bc is 99.9% not going. An acquaintance I’ve known for a while but never really talk to other than when we hang in a group, invited me to this big party. I don’t really know who’s going, they just said “people from high school” and I hate people from high school... any friends in hs abandoned me and think I’m a freak. It makes me so scared to think I won’t even have one person I can “hang onto” during the party like one close friend. I really want to *want* to go, but I don’t at all. Idk why I’m still worrying about it. I have a smaller 3-4 ppl group that’s prob doing something tonight, but I feel like a complete loser for not being able to go to a giant party and have fun. Anyone else? I know I should just accept “big parties aren’t my scene and I just shouldn’t care” but it’s so hard not to care.",Plutonicuss,1,0,2,2019-12-31 19:04:42,socialanxiety,"Idk why I’m even still worrying about it bc is 99.9% not going. An acquaintance I’ve known for a while but never really talk to other than when we hang in a group, invited me to this big party. I don’t really know who’s going, they just said “people from high school” and I hate people from high school... any friends in hs abandoned me and think I’m a freak. It makes me so scared to think I won’t even have one person I can “hang onto” during the party like one close friend. I really want to *want* to go, but I don’t at all. Idk why I’m still worrying about it. I have a smaller 3-4 ppl group that’s prob doing something tonight, but I feel like a complete loser for not being able to go to a giant party and have fun. Anyone else? I know I should just accept “big parties aren’t my scene and I just shouldn’t care” but it’s so hard not to care.",2,2,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you overcome the worry,,True,221 eifw11,Relapsed but still hopeful.,1a,rant,2,"So i relapsed tonight after a few weeks sober. Thankfully im on the vivitrol shot and had only 2 drinks before i was able to stop. I feel if i wasnt on meds it could've been a whole fifth. Ive been going to intensive outpatient rehab and I feel so guilty i lost my clean time but im hopeful that of im honest in my group and with myself I can bounce back. This shit sucks and the holidays are so damn hard, i hope others did better then me tonight ❤",clairemf,1,0,8,2020-01-01 07:59:20,addiction,"So i relapsed tonight after a few weeks sober. Thankfully im on the vivitrol shot and had only 2 drinks before i was able to stop. I feel if i wasnt on meds it could've been a whole fifth. Ive been going to intensive outpatient rehab and I feel so guilty i lost my clean time but im hopeful that of im honest in my group and with myself I can bounce back. This shit sucks and the holidays are so damn hard, i hope others did better then me tonight ❤",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what made you relapse,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you relapsed even in rehab,,True,120 ekpsod,.,0,chitchat,5,,Mysteriously7,1,0,0,2020-01-06 05:59:47,socialanxiety,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 ei9wb0,Do stimulants make undiagnosed bipolar worse?,1a,help-seeking,1,"Just wondering, I’ve had this feeling for a while that I had bipolar but it wasn’t bad. This year I started adhd medication which helped tremendously, but I find myself changing moods and doing stuff that’s unlike me. I’ll do some risky stuff I think it’s called manic highs, I’ll be bright and nice to everyone for a bit then change to anti social angry person. It changes throughout the day. I noticed this when I started vyvanse it got worse but not sure my doctor seems disagree and says I’ve just got depression and anxiety but I feel there’s something there.",Hardyz1000,1,0,7,2019-12-31 22:31:18,ADHD,"Do stimulants make undiagnosed bipolar worse? Just wondering, I’ve had this feeling for a while that I had bipolar but it wasn’t bad. This year I started adhd medication which helped tremendously, but I find myself changing moods and doing stuff that’s unlike me. I’ll do some risky stuff I think it’s called manic highs, I’ll be bright and nice to everyone for a bit then change to anti social angry person. It changes throughout the day. I noticed this when I started vyvanse it got worse but not sure my doctor seems disagree and says I’ve just got depression and anxiety but I feel there’s something there.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 elxbk1,Quitting cold turkey. Update... Sometimes I wondering if it's worth it,1b,help-seeking,2,"I been posting for 2 days now I believe. See the posts if needed I dont know how to update and post links. My bf quit cold turkey on methadone for about 7- 10 days. I'm sooo tired I dont even know anymore. His dose was at 75-80mg. Anyway During , The bathroom smelled weird and I had asked him if he was smoking anything and he said no. Everytime I have a feeling he's up to something 99.9% he is . I am so aggravated !! Why do you lie???? Why!!! I dont fucking care... just tell the f..kn truth!!! And dont make it seem like am fkn stupid!!!! I am not !! Yet I fall for his stupid fucking lies. Knowing damn well. So who is the stupid one here!? Ugh!! He tells me that when he tells the truth I always react mean and judgy. And yes its true... after the fact that he denied it 3 times before. Is this life even worth it??? Having trust issues, lie after lie???? Why is it so hard to be honest?? Its even more disappointing then him actually doing drugs. 😡😩 Yes to ease his WD Symptoms he smoked a fentanyl pill .... yet it smelled the same as the other 3 . 4 times I had asked him these past days... Last night I told him did u smoke it or drink it?? He said ... I drank it.... So this morning I asked him again and said. Do not dare to lie!!! And he said I smoked it! And gave me attitude because I asked him. Why he lied about the other times then.... like wtf!!! And he said I already told u I didn't. So I have to pretty much either suck it up and ""believe him"" or I need to figure out if this is even worth it! I'm so fed the f up! I will support him 100 percent but why lie!!!!! Help me or direct me to a group where the family of an addict can help me please. I try not to over think like he says I do. But I cannot help but feel betrayed over and over again. Thanks for reading this long... 💔",wuzzylove,1,0,42,2020-01-08 19:16:09,OpiatesRecovery,"I been posting for 2 days now I believe. See the posts if needed I dont know how to update and post links. My bf quit cold turkey on methadone for about 7- 10 days. I'm sooo tired I dont even know anymore. His dose was at 75-80mg. Anyway During , The bathroom smelled weird and I had asked him if he was smoking anything and he said no. Everytime I have a feeling he's up to something 99.9% he is . I am so aggravated !! Why do you lie???? Why!!! I dont fucking care... just tell the f..kn truth!!! And dont make it seem like am fkn stupid!!!! I am not !! Yet I fall for his stupid fucking lies. Knowing damn well. So who is the stupid one here!? Ugh!! He tells me that when he tells the truth I always react mean and judgy. And yes its true... after the fact that he denied it 3 times before. Is this life even worth it??? Having trust issues, lie after lie???? Why is it so hard to be honest?? Its even more disappointing then him actually doing drugs. Yes to ease his WD Symptoms he smoked a fentanyl pill .... yet it smelled the same as the other 3 . 4 times I had asked him these past days... Last night I told him did u smoke it or drink it?? He said ... I drank it.... So this morning I asked him again and said. Do not dare to lie!!! And he said I smoked it! And gave me attitude because I asked him. Why he lied about the other times then.... like wtf!!! And he said I already told u I didn't. So I have to pretty much either suck it up and ""believe him"" or I need to figure out if this is even worth it! I'm so fed the f up! I will support him 100 percent but why lie!!!!! Help me or direct me to a group where the family of an addict can help me please. I try not to over think like he says I do. But I cannot help but feel betrayed over and over again. Thanks for reading this long... ",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eiqdy3,Help me hide my scars :/,1a,help-seeking,2,"So, recently, I've been getting really depressed (I'm pretty sure I'm bipolar, I get manic and depressive episodes which I am hoping that is all this is) and last week I started cutting myself. My anxiety is starting to get really bad because school is starting back up on I think the sixth (my scars haven't had much time to heal completely), and I have to wear a short sleeved shirt in P.E. I was so focused on my misery/depression/sorrow that I didn't even consider P.E. (I am literally always in a hoodie so I wasn't exactly worried about where the cuts were, just that I missed the veins/arteries.) and just cut on my left arm to relieve myself. Since I wasn't considering P.E. and I'm always in a hoodie, I just cut below the elbow since that is the easiest way to cut myself (my dad has yet to teach me to shave so I don't have any razor blades so I use a serrated blade which has a kind of long handle which is why that is the easiest and I left my pencil sharpener in my locker so I can't get that blade) and I don't have any sweatbands or bracelets or anything like that because I can't stand them, and I don't have any makeup because I am a male. I've been thinking about just coloring over it with markers so it looks like I just lost focus and made a doodle because it's not hard to tell I am attention deficit even though I don't have an actual medical diagnosis yet. Any suggestions to hide the scars? They all vary in size and healing level, so if you want I can DM you a picture if that will help. I also don't want it to be obvious that I am covering up scars. They're also a bit spread out which is why I'm worried about coloring over it, and nobody I know personally knows I cut myself except for my crush because she cuts herself and is bipolar too so I don't want people finding out while I'm in P.E. I have also been thinking about saying I fell off my bike doing a stunt because I am very active, but I don't think very many people will believe that with the way I cut. Please help me.",xXSNIP3R_K1DXx,1,0,4,2020-01-02 00:30:03,Anxiety,"So, recently, I've been getting really depressed (I'm pretty sure I'm bipolar, I get manic and depressive episodes which I am hoping that is all this is) and last week I started cutting myself. My anxiety is starting to get really bad because school is starting back up on I think the sixth (my scars haven't had much time to heal completely), and I have to wear a short sleeved shirt in P.E. I was so focused on my misery/depression/sorrow that I didn't even consider P.E. (I am literally always in a hoodie so I wasn't exactly worried about where the cuts were, just that I missed the veins/arteries.) and just cut on my left arm to relieve myself. Since I wasn't considering P.E. and I'm always in a hoodie, I just cut below the elbow since that is the easiest way to cut myself (my dad has yet to teach me to shave so I don't have any razor blades so I use a serrated blade which has a kind of long handle which is why that is the easiest and I left my pencil sharpener in my locker so I can't get that blade) and I don't have any sweatbands or bracelets or anything like that because I can't stand them, and I don't have any makeup because I am a male. I've been thinking about just coloring over it with markers so it looks like I just lost focus and made a doodle because it's not hard to tell I am attention deficit even though I don't have an actual medical diagnosis yet. Any suggestions to hide the scars? They all vary in size and healing level, so if you want I can DM you a picture if that will help. I also don't want it to be obvious that I am covering up scars. They're also a bit spread out which is why I'm worried about coloring over it, and nobody I know personally knows I cut myself except for my crush because she cuts herself and is bipolar too so I don't want people finding out while I'm in P.E. I have also been thinking about saying I fell off my bike doing a stunt because I am very active, but I don't think very many people will believe that with the way I cut. Please help me.",2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,the depressive episodes,,,,True,202 eifdiu,I’m alone on New Years for the first time in my life.,0,rant,1,I’m alone. After having to flee the state I was in to get away from my husband. I’m completely alone and I’m so upset. I’m crying so hard and I just wish someone was here with me.,Chili_bombbbb,1,0,12,2020-01-01 06:56:36,domesticviolence,I’m alone. After having to flee the state I was in to get away from my husband. I’m completely alone and I’m so upset. I’m crying so hard and I just wish someone was here with me.,1,2,1,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you had to flee from the state,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you not feel lonely,,True,121 eia43x,I should teach a class,1a,rant,2,“How to get fucked up with ‘unconventional’ means”,sortadark,1,0,0,2019-12-31 22:48:38,BPD,“How to get fucked up with ‘unconventional’ means”,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eim75e,I don’t know how to continue living with anxiety and i’m only 18,1a,help-seeking,3,"I apologise in advance if it’s a messy post! I’ve always been one to worry about the future and about every other little thing. I tend to overthink A LOT and it has led me to some pretty big arguments with my loved ones. I would say i’m a pretty timid person who wishes with all her heart to be able to do what i want to without fearing the judgement of others at the back of my mind. I don’t know why but i worry about every thing. One example would be well i have a party to attend tomorrow. I’m going as a plus one to my friends birthday party and i do not know anyone except the friend i’m tagging along. I’m afraid of how i’ll come off to the people there, i’m afraid of not being able to fully have fun when i’m there and i’m afraid that i’ll seem like a loser who doesn’t know how to converse/party. I am generally a likeable person with a decent amount of friends. I am able to hold conversations but i constantly overthink the fact that i’m trying too hard or whatever i’m saying is probably boring to the other party. I do want to try many things but my anxiety and crippling fear stops me from doing all those. I would say my confidence level is relatively low and i barely have a self esteem. I have a boyfriend who’s the same age as i am and we are and have been in a serious relationship for almost 2 years. We are truly serious about each other and i know every couple wants to marry each other and promise things like that to each other but most of the time, they break up. The thought of “what are the odds of you guys lasting till marriage and beyond?” is etched in my mind because of what everybody says about first relationships. Well i don’t ever want to lose this person I’m dating and my anxiety and overthinking keeps getting in the middle of it all. My boyfriend is patient and understanding of my anxiety and does reassure me. However, the thought of him potentially meeting someone new and leaving me still gets to me. Furthermore, i’m also afraid that i’ll meet someone new and want to leave him. I cant even comprehend why i even fear that. I just truly believe that he is my person and we’ve worked things out the past 2years and i love him so much. I know that we can’t control our futures and our feelings, but the fear of not having him in my life scares the hell out of me. I do realise that it’s unhealthy of me to be feeling this way and i’ve been working on this for awhile now. Lastly, I just wish i functioned like the average human being with an adequate amount of fear and uncertainty but still able to do and try new things. My anxiety is stopping me from doing the simplest thing like checking our university courses because i’m so afraid of meeting new people. I am aware that i should probably see a therapist lol but my parents wouldn’t understand and totally wouldn’t support me seeing a therapist. I have been trying breathing techniques and distracting myself by means such as exercising whenever my anxiety peaks, and it has worked, but 2/5(?) times when it peaks, i still have the tendency to have a full blown anxiety attack and feel as though my hard work has crumbled down. I’d say i have improved on maintaining my anxiety a lot since a year back, but i still struggle here and there. Please help me and advice would be greatly appreciated.",anon1313156,1,0,2,2020-01-01 19:07:52,Anxiety,"I apologise in advance if it’s a messy post! I’ve always been one to worry about the future and about every other little thing. I tend to overthink A LOT and it has led me to some pretty big arguments with my loved ones. I would say i’m a pretty timid person who wishes with all her heart to be able to do what i want to without fearing the judgement of others at the back of my mind. I don’t know why but i worry about every thing. One example would be well i have a party to attend tomorrow. I’m going as a plus one to my friends birthday party and i do not know anyone except the friend i’m tagging along. I’m afraid of how i’ll come off to the people there, i’m afraid of not being able to fully have fun when i’m there and i’m afraid that i’ll seem like a loser who doesn’t know how to converse/party. I am generally a likeable person with a decent amount of friends. I am able to hold conversations but i constantly overthink the fact that i’m trying too hard or whatever i’m saying is probably boring to the other party. I do want to try many things but my anxiety and crippling fear stops me from doing all those. I would say my confidence level is relatively low and i barely have a self esteem. I have a boyfriend who’s the same age as i am and we are and have been in a serious relationship for almost 2 years. We are truly serious about each other and i know every couple wants to marry each other and promise things like that to each other but most of the time, they break up. The thought of “what are the odds of you guys lasting till marriage and beyond?” is etched in my mind because of what everybody says about first relationships. Well i don’t ever want to lose this person I’m dating and my anxiety and overthinking keeps getting in the middle of it all. My boyfriend is patient and understanding of my anxiety and does reassure me. However, the thought of him potentially meeting someone new and leaving me still gets to me. Furthermore, i’m also afraid that i’ll meet someone new and want to leave him. I cant even comprehend why i even fear that. I just truly believe that he is my person and we’ve worked things out the past 2years and i love him so much. I know that we can’t control our futures and our feelings, but the fear of not having him in my life scares the hell out of me. I do realise that it’s unhealthy of me to be feeling this way and i’ve been working on this for awhile now. Lastly, I just wish i functioned like the average human being with an adequate amount of fear and uncertainty but still able to do and try new things. My anxiety is stopping me from doing the simplest thing like checking our university courses because i’m so afraid of meeting new people. I am aware that i should probably see a therapist lol but my parents wouldn’t understand and totally wouldn’t support me seeing a therapist. I have been trying breathing techniques and distracting myself by means such as exercising whenever my anxiety peaks, and it has worked, but 2/5(?) times when it peaks, i still have the tendency to have a full blown anxiety attack and feel as though my hard work has crumbled down. I’d say i have improved on maintaining my anxiety a lot since a year back, but i still struggle here and there. Please help me and advice would be greatly appreciated.",2,2,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you control your anxiety,,True,221 ejmzz0,3 days into this year and I'm already over it. I can't take much more.,1a,rant,2,"We are 3 days into 2020 and not only have I been having suicidal thoughts, my drinking has gotten worse and I want to try and quit and my depression, SH and SI has flared up in response so double the suicidal and sh urges. Top off the end of the first week of the year with my mom getting in a car accident. Obviously after shitting my pants about it I find a reason to blame myself. Had I been responsible and put the cards and her ID back in the car after dumping 700$ into it with repairs, she wouldn't have had to make an extra trip to come pick them up and would have been home sooner from her errands, in turn avoiding the fuck head who rear ended her. She is physically handicapped and is still recovering from a broken hip. God I would do anything for it to have been me, and if it were, I'd hope it'd have killed me.",crimsonphoto666,3,0,0,2020-01-03 22:34:30,selfharm,"We are 3 days into 2020 and not only have I been having suicidal thoughts, my drinking has gotten worse and I want to try and quit and my depression, SH and SI has flared up in response so double the suicidal and sh urges. Top off the end of the first week of the year with my mom getting in a car accident. Obviously after shitting my pants about it I find a reason to blame myself. Had I been responsible and put the cards and her ID back in the car after dumping 700$ into it with repairs, she wouldn't have had to make an extra trip to come pick them up and would have been home sooner from her errands, in turn avoiding the fuck head who rear ended her. She is physically handicapped and is still recovering from a broken hip. God I would do anything for it to have been me, and if it were, I'd hope it'd have killed me.",2,0,0,,,How did X make you feel?,the suicidal thoughts,What do you need help with now that X?,your suicidal thoughts and drinking have gotten worse,,True,200 elnqzm,What is financial abuse?,1b,help-seeking,1,My ex is refusing to pay some debts that are messing up my credit. Is this considered financial abuse?,Throwawaygal7,1,0,8,2020-01-08 04:36:39,domesticviolence,My ex is refusing to pay some debts that are messing up my credit. Is this considered financial abuse?,2,0,1,,,How did X make you feel?,your ex's refusal to pay debts,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help correct your credit,,True,201 eomg3o,Stalked for over a year,1b,help-seeking,2,"I left my abusive husband over a year and a half ago at the age of 21. I have been doing so well and making a lot of progress towards a better life, but the only issue is the fact that he keeps stalking and harassing me. He has hacked my Uber to find my location, my Sephora account to get my address, he has impersonated me on social media. He has tried to find my new job when I moved states. At one point, in October, the police reached out to me to inform me of an anonymous tip they got from someone that he was planning to come and kill me. I have been traveling the world and living a great life since then. Experiencing different people and cultures. But my happiness seems to only make the harassment much worse. He found my new number and constantly sends me harassing messages, and when I block the number, he just makes a new burner number using text apps. He speaks to me as if we are still together which is alarming. I never respond to his messages, but it’s just the aggression and the anger. I don’t know why he won’t just leave me alone as I haven’t spoken to him in nearly 2 years. If anyone has advice for me, that would be much appreciated.",CheapSatisfaction,1,0,2,2020-01-14 15:07:38,domesticviolence,"I left my abusive husband over a year and a half ago at the age of 21. I have been doing so well and making a lot of progress towards a better life, but the only issue is the fact that he keeps stalking and harassing me. He has hacked my Uber to find my location, my Sephora account to get my address, he has impersonated me on social media. He has tried to find my new job when I moved states. At one point, in October, the police reached out to me to inform me of an anonymous tip they got from someone that he was planning to come and kill me. I have been traveling the world and living a great life since then. Experiencing different people and cultures. But my happiness seems to only make the harassment much worse. He found my new number and constantly sends me harassing messages, and when I block the number, he just makes a new burner number using text apps. He speaks to me as if we are still together which is alarming. I never respond to his messages, but it’s just the aggression and the anger. I don’t know why he won’t just leave me alone as I haven’t spoken to him in nearly 2 years. If anyone has advice for me, that would be much appreciated.",2,1,1,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how the stalking and harassment make you feel,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you deal with your husband,,True,211 f3i2it,Sub optimal performance,1a,help-seeking,3,"Hi, before I get to the specific topic I want to talk about in this post, here's a little backstory to my anger issues. My father is quite an angry person and my mom was also a very emotionally driven and in my upbringing I was never really taught how to process emotions and deal with them. I know that I'm the only person responsible for my behaviour however I do believe that these things have a certain influence on my current situation. I can get angry generally in any area of my life if tempted to it but I want to talk about getting angry while taking part in my biggest hobby and why it's messing up my progress in it. My biggest hobby is simracing. I bet that most people see it just as casually playing video games but for me (and other people who enjoy this) it's much more because it requires regular practice and persistence to get to a competitive level. You need to understand the physics and setup of the car and how to drive it properly to be fast. Rambling aside, most of the time I do F1 or GT3 cars but in the recent weeks I took on rallying which is a completely different beast to tame. My first run on a new rally stage is just cruise to the end so I get used to the car and where the track leads, no problems there. Then I do it few more times to gain some confidence and after that I start pushing the car and myself. I bottle it several times and get somewhat angry but I'm in control. But then I get a good run and good finish time and after that it goes to s*it. Now I know I can do that kind of time on the stage and I expect to keep on improving but it just doesn't happen. And that's when I get REALLY angry because I know I can do that time again, so why the hell can't I materialise it? When I'm calm I know it's a long process to get good at this but then in the heat of the moment and my desire to improve it's like I forget it and sometimes get extremely angry at myself for not performing at the level I know I can perform. Usually after this I have to quit the sim and do something else because I'm stuck in the loop. How do I conquer this mental block of mine? What I also noticed is that when I race online with people in leagues I'm calmer because I know I get only one shot at that particular race so there's no time for bit*hing but with the stuff such as the rallying I get much angrier because there's the option to restart the stage and practice it basically infinite times. I mean that should give me confidence that it's only a matter of time before I go even faster instead of making me angry, no? It's like when there isn't the pressure of the moment like in the online that makes me calmer I put myself under nonsensical pressure of my own expectations that has the opposite effect.",KIDBD,1,0,2,2020-02-13 22:23:35,Anger,"Hi, before I get to the specific topic I want to talk about in this post, here's a little backstory to my anger issues. My father is quite an angry person and my mom was also a very emotionally driven and in my upbringing I was never really taught how to process emotions and deal with them. I know that I'm the only person responsible for my behaviour however I do believe that these things have a certain influence on my current situation. I can get angry generally in any area of my life if tempted to it but I want to talk about getting angry while taking part in my biggest hobby and why it's messing up my progress in it. My biggest hobby is simracing. I bet that most people see it just as casually playing video games but for me (and other people who enjoy this) it's much more because it requires regular practice and persistence to get to a competitive level. You need to understand the physics and setup of the car and how to drive it properly to be fast. Rambling aside, most of the time I do F1 or GT3 cars but in the recent weeks I took on rallying which is a completely different beast to tame. My first run on a new rally stage is just cruise to the end so I get used to the car and where the track leads, no problems there. Then I do it few more times to gain some confidence and after that I start pushing the car and myself. I bottle it several times and get somewhat angry but I'm in control. But then I get a good run and good finish time and after that it goes to s*it. Now I know I can do that kind of time on the stage and I expect to keep on improving but it just doesn't happen. And that's when I get REALLY angry because I know I can do that time again, so why the hell can't I materialise it? When I'm calm I know it's a long process to get good at this but then in the heat of the moment and my desire to improve it's like I forget it and sometimes get extremely angry at myself for not performing at the level I know I can perform. Usually after this I have to quit the sim and do something else because I'm stuck in the loop. How do I conquer this mental block of mine? What I also noticed is that when I race online with people in leagues I'm calmer because I know I get only one shot at that particular race so there's no time for bit*hing but with the stuff such as the rallying I get much angrier because there's the option to restart the stage and practice it basically infinite times. I mean that should give me confidence that it's only a matter of time before I go even faster instead of making me angry, no? It's like when there isn't the pressure of the moment like in the online that makes me calmer I put myself under nonsensical pressure of my own expectations that has the opposite effect.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 evszfe,I sense it coming back,1a,rant,1,"Getting pissy with my mom and being like an alligator snapping turtle. That intense sinister rage is slowing creeping back. Not violent, nor do I break things, I just go bonkers in my head.",BaconEggFries,1,0,2,2020-01-29 20:47:33,Anger,"Getting pissy with my mom and being like an alligator snapping turtle. That intense sinister rage is slowing creeping back. Not violent, nor do I break things, I just go bonkers in my head.",1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,intense rage you feel,How did X make you feel?,rage and anger,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel the rage is coming back,,True,100 erwpis,Need help for a friend,1b,help-seeking,2,"Hello Reddit. I come to you in a time of much distress. A close and dear friend of mine is caught up in a difficult situation with her soon to be ex husband. I dont even know where to start. &#x200B; Shes about 11 years into her marriage. His control and emotional abuse has taken her to the point of trying to divorce him again. On several occasions she has called the police and they have done nothing but seemingly take his side. A couple months ago, the last time she tried getting help from police, they caught him in the act of disabling her car (so she couldnt leave and he could continue berating her and throwing things). The police still insisted she leave and stay at her mothers! He could have been cutting brake lines! So now she has no faith in police intervention. Her divorce attorney seems toothless, hes not giving her helpful advice. Shes feeling hopeless and I know she has to get out of there. &#x200B; Last night he was driving and they started fighting. He wouldnt let her leave the car. Driving erraticly and rolling stop signs and otherwise being reckless. For nearly an hour he did this to her so he could continue yelling and screaming without a chance of escape. Shes more afraid for her life than ever and so am i! &#x200B; I know this is her battle, I know there isn't much I can do beyond giving her the best moral support I can muster. Please, I ask for anything that I can do to help. ANy breadcrumb that can lead to a solution, a hope, anything. Can she try contacting a different police station the next city over? Can she go over the cops heads somehow? Does she need proof to file a PPO? Why is her lawyer so useless? Is there a support group of somekind? &#x200B; Normally im fine researching for myself but I fear time is terrifyingly limited. I am forever grateful for any guidance.",RedSword12,1,0,4,2020-01-21 16:10:47,domesticviolence,"Hello Reddit. I come to you in a time of much distress. A close and dear friend of mine is caught up in a difficult situation with her soon to be ex husband. I dont even know where to start. &#x200B; Shes about 11 years into her marriage. His control and emotional abuse has taken her to the point of trying to divorce him again. On several occasions she has called the police and they have done nothing but seemingly take his side. A couple months ago, the last time she tried getting help from police, they caught him in the act of disabling her car (so she couldnt leave and he could continue berating her and throwing things). The police still insisted she leave and stay at her mothers! He could have been cutting brake lines! So now she has no faith in police intervention. Her divorce attorney seems toothless, hes not giving her helpful advice. Shes feeling hopeless and I know she has to get out of there. &#x200B; Last night he was driving and they started fighting. He wouldnt let her leave the car. Driving erraticly and rolling stop signs and otherwise being reckless. For nearly an hour he did this to her so he could continue yelling and screaming without a chance of escape. Shes more afraid for her life than ever and so am I! &#x200B; I know this is her battle, I know there isn't much I can do beyond giving her the best moral support I can muster. Please, I ask for anything that I can do to help. ANy breadcrumb that can lead to a solution, a hope, anything. Can she try contacting a different police station the next city over? Can she go over the cops heads somehow? Does she need proof to file a PPO? Why is her lawyer so useless? Is there a support group of somekind? &#x200B; Normally im fine researching for myself but I fear time is terrifyingly limited. I am forever grateful for any guidance.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ek8327,Does anyone else feel like their mental illness and personality is manufactured?,1a,survey,1,"It just feels like when I talk about my depression or anything it’s insincere and just like I made it up. I can always come up with the perfect thing to say when I’m asked but I never really feel anything. It’s like there’s an empty void inside of me that only gets momentarily gets filled by flashes of sadness, regret, lonely, and anxiety. Also when ever I go outside of my room an involuntary mask of happiness and pep that hurts to have on but I can’t take off.",JJMasterFlex589,3,0,3,2020-01-05 04:33:40,mentalillness,"Does anyone else feel like their mental illness and personality is manufactured? It just feels like when I talk about my depression or anything it’s insincere and just like I made it up. I can always come up with the perfect thing to say when I’m asked but I never really feel anything. It’s like there’s an empty void inside of me that only gets momentarily gets filled by flashes of sadness, regret, lonely, and anxiety. Also when ever I go outside of my room an involuntary mask of happiness and pep that hurts to have on but I can’t take off.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,your depression makes you not feel the emotions,,True,220 eo8s12,Fucked up,1a,rant,1,Like the title says. I had 9 days dent free and honestly I guess I just fucked. I’m sad but hopefully the Wd isn’t horrible. Smh,fentypressy,1,0,8,2020-01-13 19:18:04,OpiatesRecovery,Like the title says. I had 9 days dent free and honestly I guess I just fucked. I’m sad but hopefully the Wd isn’t horrible. Smh,1,1,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what you are sad,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you are feeling being 9 days clean,What do you need help with now that X?,you are feeling sad,,True,110 eiyu90,left my computer in class,1a,rant,2,"i left my _new_ computer i got for christmas in my _first_ class on the _first_ day i get back from break the _first_ time i ever bring it to school. and i didn’t notice for almost an *hOUR LIKE A DUMBASS* I SWEAR I EVEN REMEMBER PUTTING IT IN MY BAG VIVIDLY WHAT THE FUCK. also the class was packed when i got there to pick it up and someone was sitting at the desk it was at (it was in this weird metal bar compartment under the desk kinda like the ones i had in elementary school but less of a metal box more of a prison bars look) it was awful i feel so fucking stupid how could i forget something like that",ttoasterroven,1,0,0,2020-01-02 14:25:16,ADHD,i left my _new_ computer i got for christmas in my _first_ class on the _first_ day i get back from break the _first_ time i ever bring it to school. and i didn’t notice for almost an *hOUR LIKE A DUMBASS* I SWEAR I EVEN REMEMBER PUTTING IT IN MY BAG VIVIDLY WHAT THE FUCK. also the class was packed when i got there to pick it up and someone was sitting at the desk it was at (it was in this weird metal bar compartment under the desk kinda like the ones i had in elementary school but less of a metal box more of a prison bars look) it was awful i feel so fucking stupid how could i forget something like that,2,2,0,,,,,,,,True,220 ei9bnc,I'm in a lot of turmoil and I need someone to listen.,0,rant,2,"I have a very complicated, extensive history with this girl, you can read about it in detail in my post history. But long story short we've had feelings for each other for years, but she's been seeing this other guy, now they broke up but might get back together. On my end, I'm sad and lonely and a virgin and all of that but we've made plans to hook up tonight on new years eve. As you can imagine I was quite excited as this is something that had almost happened way too many times to count and I've been very sad about it. Well she got her period today and it probably isn't going to happen. You may say there will be other chances for it to happen but there probably won't. Definitely not for a long time. Everything was so perfect but this had to happen and I'm just crushed. I'm not upset at her or anything I'm just lonely and tired of this. This is a weird thing to be talking about here, I apologize, but it's really messing me up. It's the 2 year anniversary of when we met, and it would have been an amazing way to start the new decade.",NaturalClothes,1,0,2,2019-12-31 21:44:41,depression,"I'm in a lot of turmoil and I need someone to listen. I have a very complicated, extensive history with this girl, you can read about it in detail in my post history. But long story short we've had feelings for each other for years, but she's been seeing this other guy, now they broke up but might get back together. On my end, I'm sad and lonely and a virgin and all of that but we've made plans to hook up tonight on new years eve. As you can imagine I was quite excited as this is something that had almost happened way too many times to count and I've been very sad about it. Well she got her period today and it probably isn't going to happen. You may say there will be other chances for it to happen but there probably won't. Definitely not for a long time. Everything was so perfect but this had to happen and I'm just crushed. I'm not upset at her or anything I'm just lonely and tired of this. This is a weird thing to be talking about here, I apologize, but it's really messing me up. It's the 2 year anniversary of when we met, and it would have been an amazing way to start the new decade.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,title,True,222 el0gon,I feel so lonely,1b,rant,1,"I hate my family and friends My aunt(whos 23) and i (18) had a fight and she hurt my feelings, bcs of a dumb thing even though she knew im not good at the moment and sadly im rn at her place but its 3pm at night and i cant go so i have to wait till morning. Im gonna leave them before they wake up and im gonna distance myself from her, she made me cry and feel even more anxious then i was before because of a thing and now i can’t gi home im sleeping in jeans and its so cold, im tired and my legs hurt so much. I feel like distancing from all the ppl in my life (also sorry for my bad English its not my native language soo...)",jaszi99,1,0,3,2020-01-06 21:15:51,sad,"I hate my family and friends My aunt(whos 23) and i (18) had a fight and she hurt my feelings, bcs of a dumb thing even though she knew im not good at the moment and sadly im rn at her place but its 3pm at night and i cant go so i have to wait till morning. Im gonna leave them before they wake up and im gonna distance myself from her, she made me cry and feel even more anxious then i was before because of a thing and now i can’t gi home im sleeping in jeans and its so cold, im tired and my legs hurt so much. I feel like distancing from all the ppl in my life (also sorry for my bad English its not my native language soo...)",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,your aunt made you cry,,True,220 eutrcs,HAPPY & CONFIDENT | Boost Self Confidence Secrets (True Happiness is Kee...,0,chitchat,1,,EmyG28,1,0,0,2020-01-27 20:22:47,selfhelp,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 eprxpc,Should I give up?,1a,help-seeking,2,"I feel like the court process is killing me. Literally. I think about suicide daily. I hate who I’ve become, I hate how I lash out and have no control over my emotions anymore. I was doing better and now I have to go to court again and I’m instantly back to being worse. He’s taken so much from me, and I don’t want to see him get off scoff free but I don’t want him to take away who I am too, and that’s what this feels like. It’s only a civil restraining order so he could very well get it erased from history like it never happened with a few years of no contact and good behavior. It almost feels like this is for nothing. But my case has specific details I won’t share due to privacy that could very well change the principles the court follows for any girl in my state who uses this statute. I don’t want to disappoint any future girl, I don’t want her to have to go through what I am now. I feel like I should be strong so those following me can feel protected by the justice system. But I really feel destroyed. I know I could get through this, but what would it cost me? I’m loosing relationships I value more than anything because I can’t control my emotions, because I am so affected by the civil case. I also am scared he’ll come after me, but realistically I know he can’t find me. I am so scared and I hate it. I hate who I am and I just want to move on with my life. I am a burden on my support system and those who’ve I asked have just said to do what’s best for me but I truthfully don’t know what that is. If I walk away, I’ll be disappointed in myself for every future girl I’ve let down. If I stay, this may all be for nothing and it may destroy everything I love. No one understands what I’m going through but you guys. Please I need advice.",beanjean8822,1,0,5,2020-01-16 23:50:01,rapecounseling,"Should I give up? I feel like the court process is killing me. Literally. I think about suicide daily. I hate who I’ve become, I hate how I lash out and have no control over my emotions anymore. I was doing better and now I have to go to court again and I’m instantly back to being worse. He’s taken so much from me, and I don’t want to see him get off scoff free but I don’t want him to take away who I am too, and that’s what this feels like. It’s only a civil restraining order so he could very well get it erased from history like it never happened with a few years of no contact and good behavior. It almost feels like this is for nothing. But my case has specific details I won’t share due to privacy that could very well change the principles the court follows for any girl in my state who uses this statute. I don’t want to disappoint any future girl, I don’t want her to have to go through what I am now. I feel like I should be strong so those following me can feel protected by the justice system. But I really feel destroyed. I know I could get through this, but what would it cost me? I’m loosing relationships I value more than anything because I can’t control my emotions, because I am so affected by the civil case. I also am scared he’ll come after me, but realistically I know he can’t find me. I am so scared and I hate it. I hate who I am I just want to move on with my life. I am a burden on my support system and those who’ve I asked have just said to do what’s best for me but I truthfully don’t know what that is. If I walk away, I’ll be disappointed in myself for every future girl I’ve let down. If I stay, this may all be for nothing and it may destroy everything I love. No one understands what I’m going through but you guys. Please I need advice.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eiixb4,Am I pretending?,1a,rant,2,"First off Happy New Years! Now onto the topic at hand. This question has been a constant for a long time now and I dont know the answer to it. It hit me the hardest last night, I was home alone while everyone is out partying and shit. Last night I truly realized on how alone I actually am. No one called, texted or asked me what am I gonna be doing for New Years. No one called or texted afterwards either. To wish me a happy New Years except for a few people I met on Discord. I of course cut last night, and after I was done it felt like a surge of thoughts going through my head, screaming ""You are a fake, a fraud. You are pretending to be not ok. You just keep destroying your own life for no reason."" Those were the thoughts that went through my head. I did not sleep for 2 nights in a row now, just thinking about it. Thinking that I am just cutting myself in order to feel that I belong somewhere. To get the feeling of self-worth, to feel...I dont know, something? I dont even know the reason why I self-harm. I cant even remember why did I do it in the first place. Every time I do it I tell myself that I will stop. That I am better than this and that I have no real reason to continue doing it. And yet again I find myself in my bathroom, wrists slit and bleeding everywhere. Whats worse is that I keep cutting more and deeper. Then after the deed is done I come crashing down crying and hating myself more than I already did. Never been to therapy, dont have a diagnosis. Don't have anyone to talk to, mostly because I am afraid to let anyone know about and the fact that I do not have friends or family I trust. I dont know if something is wrong with me, I never thought that something is wrong with me. I always thought that ""this is who I am""; a loner, isolated and alone. I never see myself having a family of my own, having a life I love. I do not have plans or goals for the future. I just live day to day. I do not fear death, or that something bad is going to happen to me. I just dont...not that I dont care, but I dont know how to explain it. I just...accept whatever life brings my way...",vRisslle,1,0,5,2020-01-01 14:35:21,selfharm,"Am I pretending? First off Happy New Years! Now onto the topic at hand. This question has been a constant for a long time now and I dont know the answer to it. It hit me the hardest last night, I was home alone while everyone is out partying and shit. Last night I truly realized on how alone I actually am. No one called, texted or asked me what am I gonna be doing for New Years. No one called or texted afterwards either. To wish me a happy New Years except for a few people I met on Discord. I of course cut last night, and after I was done it felt like a surge of thoughts going through my head, screaming ""You are a fake, a fraud. You are pretending to be not ok. You just keep destroying your own life for no reason."" Those were the thoughts that went through my head. I did not sleep for 2 nights in a row now, just thinking about it. Thinking that I am just cutting myself in order to feel that I belong somewhere. To get the feeling of self-worth, to feel...I dont know, something? I dont even know the reason why I self-harm. I cant even remember why did I do it in the first place. Every time I do it I tell myself that I will stop. That I am better than this and that I have no real reason to continue doing it. And yet again I find myself in my bathroom, wrists slit and bleeding everywhere. Whats worse is that I keep cutting more and deeper. Then after the deed is done I come crashing down crying and hating myself more than I already did. Never been to therapy, dont have a diagnosis. Don't have anyone to talk to, mostly because I am afraid to let anyone know about and the fact that I do not have friends or family I trust. I dont know if something is wrong with me, I never thought that something is wrong with me. I always thought that ""this is who I am""; a loner, isolated and alone. I never see myself having a family of my own, having a life I love. I do not have plans or goals for the future. I just live day to day. I do not fear death, or that something bad is going to happen to me. I just dont...not that I dont care, but I dont know how to explain it. I just...accept whatever life brings my way...",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel you are pretending to be not ok,,True,220 ek2d99,Life After PTSD podcast,0,chitchat,1,"Hey everyone, we’ve been on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram for a while but learning Reddit. We have a podcast called Life After PTSD that we’d love for you to check out as a resource. Learn the many faces of PTSD but more importantly hear stories of hope from people who successfully cleared their traumas. Search “Life After PTSD” on Apple podcasts and all major platforms OR just visit LIFEAFTERPTSD.ORG",LifeAfterPTSD,14,0,27,2020-01-04 20:57:52,ptsd,"Hey everyone, we’ve been on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram for a while but learning Reddit. We have a podcast called Life After PTSD that we’d love for you to check out as a resource. Learn the many faces of PTSD but more importantly hear stories of hope from people who successfully cleared their traumas. Search “Life After PTSD” on Apple podcasts and all major platforms OR just visit LIFEAFTERPTSD.ORG",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eiax75,Spending NYE alone and drunk.,0,chitchat,1,"Been sat here in my room getting drunk on a bottle of whiskey alone. If we have no one else to spend tonight with, at least we have everyone in this subreddit. So cheers to you all. I hope you lovely souls can find some reasons to fight for another decade.",xdale1994,1,0,23,2019-12-31 23:53:44,depression,"Spending NYE alone and drunk. Been sat here in my room getting drunk on a bottle of whiskey alone. If we have no one else to spend tonight with, at least we have everyone in this subreddit. So cheers to you all. I hope you lovely souls can find some reasons to fight for another decade.",1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you were spending the new year alone,How did X make you feel?,being drunk and alone,What do you need help with now that X?,feel lonely,,True,100 endmg5,I’m Really Lonely,1a,help-seeking,1,All my friends are at a big event having a fun time and I’m at home because I’m a fucking loser. I didn’t realize how hard having my whole support system gone would be and I was barely hanging on as it was. Please talk to me about anything so I feel less alone.,karpaediem,1,0,4,2020-01-11 21:31:04,ptsd,I’m Really Lonely All my friends are at a big event having a fun time and I’m at home because I’m a fucking loser. I didn’t realize how hard having my whole support system gone would be and I was barely hanging on as it was. Please talk to me about anything so I feel less alone.,2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 elzphf,I really need advice pls,1b,help-seeking,2,"Since beginning of middle school I have been feel so upset and didn't wanted to do anything i felt lost and hopeless.I felt depressed. Then I started noticing that I have social anxiety bc of my school and i also began noticing that I have PTSD and i thought that i already came over with and everytime I saw, hear or hear something relatable to my trauma, I have Panic attacks. At first I thought that it was my social anxiety but then I realized that it wasn’t.I thought that I just made it up in my mind. Bc I have a nice family but I always felt that I’m a mistake that wasn’t supposed to exist. I also have that voice in my head whenever I do something wrong it would insult me and blame me for everything and if I do something right then it would say that they lied to me bc I am usless and they just don’t want to hear me cry bc it’s annoying.I don’t know what wrong with me and I think that I’m crazy. It is always here even now while writing this is hard for me bc the Voice says that im waste of your time and it is probaly irrelevant. I have been betrayed very often and had a one toxic ""friend"" who used me, blackmailed me and one time it has gotten to far, she said that should do that or she is gonna cyber bully my mom.I also had a fake bf who also only used me and always pressured me into doing things that I didn’t want. I really hate myself and I blaming everything on myself bc i shouldn’t have been so naive. I also have sucidal thoughts and everytime i see something that i could kill myself with I'm always thinking ""what if"". One time I almost killed myself I was in my room crying with a knife in my hand and started to think how life is gonna be over but I started to think about my family so I didn’t do it. I selfharm to bc it kinda helps to cope better with things that I experienced. I am also getting bullied at school but i if i tell the teacher everyone would hate me more and the teacher wouldn't even care. This was since Kindergarten. I dont wanna that my parents know about this bc i dont really trust them and i fear that they will judge me and say that i have a great life that i should be grateful for. I actually fear everyone that will judge me bc of my social anxiety. Like one time i had to do a presentation in biology and i memorised everything but when i was in front of my class, i was paralyzed. I couldn't talk i could do anything and I a inner panic attack but outside I was like a statue. I have a little Panic attack right now while writing this and shaking. Since i got betrayed the second time i didnt trust anyone anymore. I personally think that i have those mental health issues but I can’t be sure bc I’m not diagnosed by a Psychologist. Pls tell me how I can cope with those problems but i dont wanna go to a therapist or Psychologist or what so ever bc my parents will know about it. And I read other peoples stories that are worse than mine and the voice in my head says that I’m selfish and that I don’t deserve a life. Sorry for so much text and very bad grammar.",Ran_Mori,1,0,2,2020-01-08 22:02:17,mentalillness,"Since beginning of middle school I have been feel so upset and didn't wanted to do anything i felt lost and hopeless.I felt depressed. Then I started noticing that I have social anxiety bc of my school and i also began noticing that I have PTSD and i thought that i already came over with and everytime I saw, hear or hear something relatable to my trauma, I have Panic attacks. At first I thought that it was my social anxiety but then I realized that it wasn’t.I thought that I just made it up in my mind. Bc I have a nice family but I always felt that I’m a mistake that wasn’t supposed to exist. I also have that voice in my head whenever I do something wrong it would insult me and blame me for everything and if I do something right then it would say that they lied to me bc I am usless and they just don’t want to hear me cry bc it’s annoying.I don’t know what wrong with me and I think that I’m crazy. It is always here even now while writing this is hard for me bc the Voice says that im waste of your time and it is probaly irrelevant. I have been betrayed very often and had a one toxic ""friend"" who used me, blackmailed me and one time it has gotten to far, she said that should do that or she is gonna cyber bully my mom.I also had a fake bf who also only used me and always pressured me into doing things that I didn’t want. I really hate myself and I blaming everything on myself bc i shouldn’t have been so naive. I also have sucidal thoughts and everytime i see something that i could kill myself with I'm always thinking ""what if"". One time I almost killed myself I was in my room crying with a knife in my hand and started to think how life is gonna be over but I started to think about my family so I didn’t do it. I selfharm to bc it kinda helps to cope better with things that I experienced. I am also getting bullied at school but i if i tell the teacher everyone would hate me more and the teacher wouldn't even care. This was since Kindergarten. I dont wanna that my parents know about this bc i dont really trust them and i fear that they will judge me and say that i have a great life that i should be grateful for. I actually fear everyone that will judge me bc of my social anxiety. Like one time i had to do a presentation in biology and i memorised everything but when i was in front of my class, i was paralyzed. I couldn't talk i could do anything and I a inner panic attack but outside I was like a statue. I have a little Panic attack right now while writing this and shaking. Since i got betrayed the second time i didnt trust anyone anymore. I personally think that i have those mental health issues but I can’t be sure bc I’m not diagnosed by a Psychologist. Pls tell me how I can cope with those problems but i dont wanna go to a therapist or Psychologist or what so ever bc my parents will know about it. And I read other peoples stories that are worse than mine and the voice in my head says that I’m selfish and that I don’t deserve a life. Sorry for so much text and very bad grammar.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 fvasxl,why??,0,help-seeking,1," I have a question why there is a jump scare present on the anvil",face06,1,0,6,2020-04-05 08:55:22,getting_over_it, I have a question why there is a jump scare present on the anvil,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 emfjq3,NSFW. PTSD or coincidence? Nightmare?,1b,help-seeking,3,"This post is not meant to offend anyone at all, I am genuinely curious if what happened what just a dream or if it was more than that. Here is the backstory: I was sexually assaulted in college. I have blocked some of the assault out but there are also very vivid memories. Anyway, to not get into too many details about it I remember feeling very scared, panicked, and I honestly thought this guy was going to kill me. What he said when he had me pinned down while i begged him to leave me alone and how the fucker said it, I was very on edge. For a few days, I would wake up in a panic in the middle of the night. I had seen him on campus a few times and everytime, I would get really sad and kind of panicked. And there's more to the story but again, won't go in too much detail. A year after that, I thought I was okay enough to not be considered traumatized but I was out one day and I saw a guy who looked like my assailant and instantly I was panicked, my vision was hazy, i couldn't stop crying and shaking. Needless to say, my friends and i left. The dream: A guy around 19 was home alone just chillin' in his room and there are 2 guys in a car waiting outside for him but the guy never leaves his house so one of them gets out of the car to break into the house. The whole time i'm kind of omniscient, i knew the guy trying to break in had bad intentions and that he was trying to r*pe the guy inside. The guy breaks in and tries to assault the guy home alone. The whole time i'm kind of like the dude in houses conscience telling him he needs to fight the guy off with everything he has. And i remember feeling panicked and scared. The guy fights him off and runs out of the house but he had forgotten his cellphone so he couldn't call the police so he just keeps running. The guys in the car were catching up to him and i was feeling on edge and i told him to keep going and muster everything he had in him to go. I woke up before the dream could end. Do you think this was a coincidence or something else? It is around the time i was assaulted in college. I have told some people about it but i haven't really said many details or really shared how i felt. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, if that helps (i have not spoken to a therapist/psychologist/etc about the assault)",TheGumUnderYourShoes,1,0,0,2020-01-09 20:38:20,ptsd,"This post is not meant to offend anyone at all, I am genuinely curious if what happened what just a dream or if it was more than that. Here is the backstory: I was sexually assaulted in college. I have blocked some of the assault out but there are also very vivid memories. Anyway, to not get into too many details about it I remember feeling very scared, panicked, and I honestly thought this guy was going to kill me. What he said when he had me pinned down while i begged him to leave me alone and how the fucker said it, I was very on edge. For a few days, I would wake up in a panic in the middle of the night. I had seen him on campus a few times and everytime, I would get really sad and kind of panicked. And there's more to the story but again, won't go in too much detail. A year after that, I thought I was okay enough to not be considered traumatized but I was out one day and I saw a guy who looked like my assailant and instantly I was panicked, my vision was hazy, i couldn't stop crying and shaking. Needless to say, my friends and i left. The dream: A guy around 19 was home alone just chillin' in his room and there are 2 guys in a car waiting outside for him but the guy never leaves his house so one of them gets out of the car to break into the house. The guy breaks in and tries to assault the guy home alone. The whole time i'm kind of like the dude in houses conscience telling him he needs to fight the guy off with everything he has. And i remember feeling panicked and scared. The guy fights him off and runs out of the house but he had forgotten his cellphone so he couldn't call the police so he just keeps running. The guys in the car were catching up to him and i was feeling on edge and i told him to keep going and muster everything he had in him to go. I woke up before the dream could end. Do you think this was a coincidence or something else? It is around the time i was assaulted in college. I have told some people about it but i haven't really said many details or really shared how i felt. I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, if that helps (i have not spoken to a therapist/psychologist/etc about the assault)",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 elbpza,I just wish what we did after mattered too,0,rant,1,,MostDank420,1,0,0,2020-01-07 13:43:36,sad,I just wish what we did after mattered too nan,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,title,True,000 epaml1,Screwdriver Vs wall,1b,help-seeking,1,"So, all of every bit of anger I am forced to keep in such as: having my hair pulled, being contently insulted and people taking the piss out of everything so even good things I can't enjoy so I constantly feel like ripping someone's head off and I throw screwdrivers at my walls and I just wanna scream at the top of my lungs for hours on end, so now even when I get pushed out the way or poked by someone there gonna have a pretty sizeable bruise on them. Are there any more ethical ways of taking out anger? (Stess balls don't work I just end up stabbing the shit out of them)",jimbob63736,1,0,2,2020-01-15 23:40:44,Anger,"So, all of every bit of anger I am forced to keep in such as: having my hair pulled, being contently insulted and people taking the piss out of everything so even good things I can't enjoy so I constantly feel like ripping someone's head off and I throw screwdrivers at my walls and I just wanna scream at the top of my lungs for hours on end, so now even when I get pushed out the way or poked by someone there gonna have a pretty sizeable bruise on them. Are there any more ethical ways of taking out anger? (Stess balls don't work I just end up stabbing the shit out of them)",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 ekpzyv,Groomer/abuser dad followed me when I moved out,1b,help-seeking,1,"I had been excited to move out where my abuser family wouldnt know where I live, but he followed me even though I repeatedly said no. I didnt know what to do. He followed me to my apartment and later brought my abuser brothers with him. I told them to drop my stuff on the floor and leave or ill call the police, but dad kept insisting and talking in grooming voice. I let them in, and they went to get more stuff. I moved to a walking distance cause I was so poor. Ive been crying about this for 3 hours now and Im so angry someone would do these kinds of things to someone. I was an easy target because I was a girl. They stayed at my apartment, my dad ordered pizza, we ate it and I was silent and pale and scared the whole time, dad almost got mad at me for being silent but then just laughed at me to my brothers. They finally left. I moved out after 3 months because I couldnt handle the stress of them knowing where I live.",feshuansauca,1,0,5,2020-01-06 06:18:26,ptsd,"I had been excited to move out where my abuser family wouldnt know where I live, but he followed me even though I repeatedly said no. I didnt know what to do. He followed me to my apartment and later brought my abuser brothers with him. I told them to drop my stuff on the floor and leave or ill call the police, but dad kept insisting and talking in grooming voice. I let them in, and they went to get more stuff. I moved to a walking distance cause I was so poor. Ive been crying about this for 3 hours now and Im so angry someone would do these kinds of things to someone. I was an easy target because I was a girl. They stayed at my apartment, my dad ordered pizza, we ate it and I was silent and pale and scared the whole time, dad almost got mad at me for being silent but then just laughed at me to my brothers. They finally left. I moved out after 3 months because I couldnt handle the stress of them knowing where I live.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,your abuser followed you after you moved out,,True,220 eqzote,Rehab for heroin - what’s it like?,1b,survey,2," Hi all. My boyfriend/ex-boyfriend went to rehab yesterday. He’s dabbled with all sorts of drugs for a long time and over the last few months his heroin use finally became a full-blown addiction. His parents found out and after a joint effort with them we managed to send him to a centre that will hopefully keep him safe and help him for the next 28 days. Over the last while, I’ve watched him become selfish, mean, manipulative and cruel. This week, he confessed to me that he’d started injecting. He got so high yesterday that he didn’t even know where he was when his parents were driving him to rehab. I’m heartbroken for them that they had to see that. I’m told they’re crushed. I imagine the above is familiar behaviour to many, but I just wanted to give you some context. I know I should now focus on retrieving some sanity, but I can’t stop thinking about what he must be doing and feeling. (Part of me hopes there’s a healthy amount of guilt involved.) For those of you who have gone to rehab, what happens in the first few days? Both in practical terms, but also 1 what thoughts/feelings go through your head? Anger, fear, resentment? Hope? Guilt? I’m sure it’s different for everyone, but I’m genuinely curious. I’m sending so much love and strength to every single one of you. I wouldn’t wish this horror on anybody and I have the greatest compassion and admiration for anybody battling it.",judithowever,1,0,5,2020-01-19 18:01:45,OpiatesRecovery," Hi all. My boyfriend/ex-boyfriend went to rehab yesterday. He’s dabbled with all sorts of drugs for a long time and over the last few months his heroin use finally became a full-blown addiction. His parents found out and after a joint effort with them we managed to send him to a centre that will hopefully keep him safe and help him for the next 28 days. Over the last while, I’ve watched him become selfish, mean, manipulative and cruel. This week, he confessed to me that he’d started injecting. He got so high yesterday that he didn’t even know where he was when his parents were driving him to rehab. I’m heartbroken for them that they had to see that. I’m told they’re crushed. I imagine the above is familiar behaviour to many, but I just wanted to give you some context. I know I should now focus on retrieving some sanity, but I can’t stop thinking about what he must be doing and feeling. (Part of me hopes there’s a healthy amount of guilt involved.) For those of you who have gone to rehab, what happens in the first few days? Both in practical terms, but also 1 what thoughts/feelings go through your head? Anger, fear, resentment? Hope? Guilt? I’m sure it’s different for everyone, but I’m genuinely curious. I’m sending so much love and strength to every single one of you. I wouldn’t wish this horror on anybody and I have the greatest compassion and admiration for anybody battling it.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ejmq7s,Has anyone else experienced Marijuana withdrawals when quitting?? I went from a daily weed smoker to quiting cold turkey and I’m on day 21.,0,survey,1,,The-Man-66,2,0,57,2020-01-03 22:14:41,addiction,Has anyone else experienced Marijuana withdrawals when quitting?? I went from a daily weed smoker to quiting cold turkey and I’m on day 21. nan,1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what made you quit marijuana,How did X make you feel?,quitting smoking,,,,True,102 ei9cn7,Happy New Year colleagues!,0,survey,1,"I am curious, What are you guys doing tonight? Share your plans!",AttractedToGravity,1,0,5,2019-12-31 21:46:52,socialanxiety,"I am curious, What are you guys doing tonight? Share your plans!",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eip5t0,Anxiety that develops during sleep,1a,help-seeking,1,"I developed generalized anxiety about 2 years ago. I often go to bed calm and happy, fall asleep within 5 minutes, but awake 1 to 3 hours later with severe anxiety characterized by muscle tension (to the point of being painful), a scrambled mind, and an increase in tinnitus loudness (the tinnitus is apparently due to anxiety as I have no hearing loss). It is disheartening how quickly my mental state changes for no apparent reason. Has anyone else had a similar experience and did you find effective ways to deal with it? I'm wondering if there might be a physiological problem creating the symptoms, rather than my subconscious mind dealing with unresolved (and unidentified) issues. Thanks.",marcus_embodied,1,0,2,2020-01-01 22:54:10,Anxiety,"I developed generalized anxiety about 2 years ago. I often go to bed calm and happy, fall asleep within 5 minutes, but awake 1 to 3 hours later with severe anxiety characterized by muscle tension (to the point of being painful), a scrambled mind, and an increase in tinnitus loudness (the tinnitus is apparently due to anxiety as I have no hearing loss). It is disheartening how quickly my mental state changes for no apparent reason. Has anyone else had a similar experience and did you find effective ways to deal with it? I'm wondering if there might be a physiological problem creating the symptoms, rather than my subconscious mind dealing with unresolved (and unidentified) issues. Thanks.",2,1,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about your sleep anxiety,,,,True,212 elbief,My Bf left me for a hot chick. So be nice ... Its my first post...,1b,rant,1,,SavageGoshia,1,0,8,2020-01-07 13:24:31,sad,My Bf left me for a hot chick. So be nice ... Its my first post... nan,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why your boyfriend left you,How did X make you feel?,your boyfriend's betrayal,What do you need help with now that X?,your boyfriend betrayed you,,True,100 eiqeom,For the first time in years I made a phone call,1a,chitchat,1,"It wasn't just a phone call, it was to a stranger, and replying to questions. Ordering food is hard for me even in the lines of restaurants because of the anxiety and eating disorders I'm still fighting, so I'm highly proud of myself for doing that. Just wanted to share.",RailaBP,1,0,5,2020-01-02 00:31:33,Anxiety,"For the first time in years I made a phone call It wasn't just a phone call, it was to a stranger, and replying to questions. Ordering food is hard for me even in the lines of restaurants because of the anxiety and eating disorders I'm still fighting, so I'm highly proud of myself for doing that. Just wanted to share.",2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,talking to a stranger,What do you need help with now that X?,ordering food makes you anxious,title,True,200 eitt7d,New job,1a,rant,1,So I start a new job tomorrow (I guess today at the time I’m posting this). I wasn’t nervous until it dawned on me it would be tomorrow I started. My panic attacks have tanked up to the point where I can barely type this. I don’t wanna take any of my benzos cause I need to be up in 6 hours. Ugh having panic disorder and anxiety sucks.,fallynh,1,0,1,2020-01-02 05:15:04,Anxiety,So I start a new job tomorrow (I guess today at the time I’m posting this). I wasn’t nervous until it dawned on me it would be tomorrow I started. My panic attacks have tanked up to the point where I can barely type this. I don’t wanna take any of my benzos cause I need to be up in 6 hours. Ugh having panic disorder and anxiety sucks.,2,1,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how the anxiety attack make you feel,What do you need help with now that X?,you had a panic attack due to nervousness,,True,210 eibboc,Have a happy near year....,0,chitchat,1,"I'm spending this new years alone and in bed. I hope you are not doing the same. I hope you can have fun today if your reading this, next year is gonna be lit, dont give up on yourself. Your all you got in this life. Love you guys❤",bakinintheback98,1,0,1,2020-01-01 00:25:37,depression,"I'm spending this new years alone and in bed. I hope you are not doing the same. I hope you can have fun today if your reading this, next year is gonna be lit, dont give up on yourself. Your all you got in this life. Love you guys❤",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 eijfco,"Funny story to laugh at myself later about, but right now its hell lol.",1a,rant,1,"Got a notification from google that somone in another country has my email password and I need to change it in order to protect my account...go to put in my password and realize Its not what I think it is..sneak onto another device that has it saved so I can count the dots to guess...still dont know....plus it would have have been a good thing if I had not procrastinated updating my phone number information because the one it has is no longer in service...now I'm wondering how I can get in contact with with this person to get my password lol. btw I ended up being able to figure it out after frustration, shame, and panic but my god..how do I live.",Mot2vated,1,0,8,2020-01-01 15:25:02,ADHD,"Got a notification from google that somone in another country has my email password and I need to change it in order to protect my account...go to put in my password and realize Its not what I think it is..sneak onto another device that has it saved so I can count the dots to guess...still dont know....plus it would have have been a good thing if I had not procrastinated updating my phone number information because the one it has is no longer in service...now I'm wondering how I can get in contact with with this person to get my password lol. btw I ended up being able to figure it out after frustration, shame, and panic but my god..how do I live.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 emnbsd,Quitting AA,1b,rant,2,"Tonight I decided to quit AA. I am a little more than 90 days sober, and it’s been remarkably easy for me. I have no desire to drink anymore, and I feel happy and liberated. I’ve been going to two meetings a week and meeting with my sponsor once per week. I’ve been working the steps, and sharing in meetings. But my sponsor has been pushing me to do things at a much faster pace than I am comfortable with. I am an introvert, and at my second meeting (a huge one, with more than 100 people), she signed me up for a greeting commitment. I told her I wasn’t ready, and she said “it’ll be fine.” She has signed me up for a panel at the end of this month, where I’m supposed to share my story for 10 minutes. I told her I’m not ready, and she said “it’ll be fine.” These last couple of weeks, I’ve been feeling like I want to cut back to one meeting per week, because I feel like I’m losing precious time for self-care and with loved ones. When I told her yesterday I am feeling overwhelmed by all the AA things and like it’s too much too fast, she said “it’ll be fine.” She sweetly and generously has bought me like 7 AA books, but every time she buys me one I feel like I’m failing because I still haven’t started the last one. I’m still having trouble with the Higher Power thing, and the deadline I was given to finish my inventory is quickly approaching. I feel like I’m failing at the program, because these things are coming at me faster than I can process them. But... I have no desire to drink. And isn’t that the whole point? I’m feeling like I don’t need this pressure from her and to feel like I need to recover on someone else’s timeline. I took tonight off from the meeting where I have a commitment that she signed me up for and I didn’t want, and caught grief over it. I feel like at the rate she’s pushing me through the steps I’ll be sponsoring someone 9 months in, when I’m still a sobriety baby and figuring it out myself. TLDR: I am quitting AA because my sponsor is rushing me into things before I’m ready.",Human-trampoline,1,0,69,2020-01-10 06:52:47,alcoholicsanonymous,"Tonight I decided to quit AA. I am a little more than 90 days sober, and it’s been remarkably easy for me. I have no desire to drink anymore, and I feel happy and liberated. I’ve been going to two meetings a week and meeting with my sponsor once per week. I’ve been working the steps, and sharing in meetings. But my sponsor has been pushing me to do things at a much faster pace than I am comfortable with. I am an introvert, and at my second meeting (a huge one, with more than 100 people), she signed me up for a greeting commitment. I told her I wasn’t ready, and she said “it’ll be fine.” She has signed me up for a panel at the end of this month, where I’m supposed to share my story for 10 minutes. I told her I’m not ready, and she said “it’ll be fine.” These last couple of weeks, I’ve been feeling like I want to cut back to one meeting per week, because I feel like I’m losing precious time for self-care and with loved ones. When I told her yesterday I am feeling overwhelmed by all the AA things and like it’s too much too fast, she said “it’ll be fine.” She sweetly and generously has bought me like 7 AA books, but every time she buys me one I feel like I’m failing because I still haven’t started the last one. I’m still having trouble with the Higher Power thing, and the deadline I was given to finish my inventory is quickly approaching. I feel like I’m failing at the program, because these things are coming at me faster than I can process them. But... I have no desire to drink. And isn’t that the whole point? I’m feeling like I don’t need this pressure from her and to feel like I need to recover on someone else’s timeline. I took tonight off from the meeting where I have a commitment that she signed me up for and I didn’t want, and caught grief over it. I feel like at the rate she’s pushing me through the steps I’ll be sponsoring someone 9 months in, when I’m still a sobriety baby and figuring it out myself. TLDR: I am quitting AA because my sponsor is rushing me into things before I’m ready.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are quitting AA,,True,220 expkwh,Venting - It churns my stomach to see Kobe treated like a hero.,1a,rant,1,"Just need to vent: I get that Kobe was a good basketball player, and a lot of people think watching someone put a ball in a hoop is quality entertainment. And it's sad when a person loses their spouse and child in the same accident. But Kobe Bryant was also an accused rapist, and I believe his accuser. To see people treating him like a hero churns my stomach. My first thought when I heard that he died was, ""I hope this gives is victim(s) peace."" Ok. Rant over.",RuthCarter,1,0,5,2020-02-02 15:00:36,rapecounseling,"Just need to vent: I get that Kobe was a good basketball player, and a lot of people think watching someone put a ball in a hoop is quality entertainment. And it's sad when a person loses their spouse and child in the same accident. But Kobe Bryant was also an accused rapist, and I believe his accuser. To see people treating him like a hero churns my stomach. My first thought when I heard that he died was, ""I hope this gives is victim(s) peace."" Ok. Rant over.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 eif457,"Sad, alone, and I have nobody…but it’s my own fault",1b,rant,2,"About a year and a half ago I got into a large fight with my now ex-girlfriend over my own jealousy and several things in our relationship that I had deemed wrong that looking back were irrelevant. The fight started small and ended up turning into her refusing to talk to me and I became verbally abusive towards her. This was the second time this had happened. However unlike the first time, this time she dumped me (as she should have) and I was extremely depressed. Two weeks later she decided to get back with me. I tried to completely change myself and make up for what I had done. About a month into dating again everything seemed to be going well but she finds out I had hung out with a girl after my graduation party that she was jealous about (the girl texted her and told her behind my back). Because of this she breaks the news to me over text that she had been seeing another guy shortly after we got back together. She also sends me a list of all the reasons why I am not datable for her anymore. She also tells all of her friends (who were essentially all my friends as well since we shared the same friend group) about what I had done regarding me being previously verbally abusive and hanging out with that girl she didn’t like without her knowing. Now in a matter of a day I no longer have a girlfriend or any friends left. As time went by all I did was feel hate towards my friends for dropping me and my ex for leaving me. I eventually started drinking and smoking heavily. I gained weight, failed classes, stopped working out, and stopped caring for myself. I OD’d on OTC medicine eventually and had to pull myself out of the gutter. After that I still lived in hate for so long towards those people, blaming them for what had happened to me, and still lived with no friends or support. But just today I had the epiphany that I brought all of this loneliness and sadness upon myself. And that I fucked my own life up with my own shitty choices, and my own shitty behavior towards people I loved. I can’t help but constantly think about how I hurt my ex so badly and only ever felt even more hate towards her and her supportive friends over their reaction to my actions. I’ve been such a hateful and destructive person my whole life, and even dragged my own parents, the only people who still supported me, into medical debt by OD’ing on medicine. I see no value in my own life anymore, I always turn my own life into a vacuum of hatred and loneliness, pulling people I live down with me. I think it’d be better if I ran away quietly from my life, and ended it all. I don’t expect sympathy from the comments, I only thought this subreddit would be an appropriate place to empty all my thoughts on this of which I haven’t shared with anyone, before I leave this world for good. Farewell.",asemchenko81,1,0,1,2020-01-01 06:27:01,sad,"About a year and a half ago I got into a large fight with my now ex-girlfriend over my own jealousy and several things in our relationship that I had deemed wrong that looking back were irrelevant. The fight started small and ended up turning into her refusing to talk to me and I became verbally abusive towards her. This was the second time this had happened. However unlike the first time, this time she dumped me (as she should have) and I was extremely depressed. Two weeks later she decided to get back with me. I tried to completely change myself and make up for what I had done. About a month into dating again everything seemed to be going well but she finds out I had hung out with a girl after my graduation party that she was jealous about (the girl texted her and told her behind my back). Because of this she breaks the news to me over text that she had been seeing another guy shortly after we got back together. She also sends me a list of all the reasons why I am not datable for her anymore. She also tells all of her friends (who were essentially all my friends as well since we shared the same friend group) about what I had done regarding me being previously verbally abusive and hanging out with that girl she didn’t like without her knowing. Now in a matter of a day I no longer have a girlfriend or any friends left. As time went by all I did was feel hate towards my friends for dropping me and my ex for leaving me. I eventually started drinking and smoking heavily. I gained weight, failed classes, stopped working out, and stopped caring for myself. I OD’d on OTC medicine eventually and had to pull myself out of the gutter. After that I still lived in hate for so long towards those people, blaming them for what had happened to me, and still lived with no friends or support. But just today I had the epiphany that I brought all of this loneliness and sadness upon myself. And that I fucked my own life up with my own shitty choices, and my own shitty behavior towards people I loved. I can’t help but constantly think about how I hurt my ex so badly and only ever felt even more hate towards her and her supportive friends over their reaction to my actions. I’ve been such a hateful and destructive person my whole life, and even dragged my own parents, the only people who still supported me, into medical debt by OD’ing on medicine. I see no value in my own life anymore, I always turn my own life into a vacuum of hatred and loneliness, pulling people I live down with me. I think it’d be better if I ran away quietly from my life, and ended it all. I don’t expect sympathy from the comments, I only thought this subreddit would be an appropriate place to empty all my thoughts on this of which I haven’t shared with anyone, before I leave this world for good. Farewell.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel regret of hurting your ex,,True,220 ektqg1,I’m having trust issues again and can’t relax,1a,rant,1,"I haven’t had trust issues for a while, but out of nowhere, negative thoughts started coming to me and I can’t trust people as much as I usually did. I always feel like they’re going to do something and don’t feel as comfortable with them. I’ve also lost the ability to relax. Every time I try to just sit still, I can’t. My muscles are always tense and my brain won’t stop thinking about things. My hands are shaking a lot more as well, usually when I’m talking to people.",PancakesAreNeat,1,0,1,2020-01-06 12:49:21,socialanxiety,"I haven’t had trust issues for a while, but out of nowhere, negative thoughts started coming to me and I can’t trust people as much as I usually did. I always feel like they’re going to do something and don’t feel as comfortable with them. I’ve also lost the ability to relax. Every time I try to just sit still, I can’t. My muscles are always tense and my brain won’t stop thinking about things. My hands are shaking a lot more as well, usually when I’m talking to people.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,the negative thoughts are preventing you from trusting people,,True,220 elyhbj,I need help with my RLS,0,help-seeking,1,I have a bad RLS but in my case it's all over my body. Is there anything I can take or get prescribed other than benzo,ramiz314,1,0,12,2020-01-08 20:38:02,OpiatesRecovery,I have a bad RLS but in my case it's all over my body. Is there anything I can take or get prescribed other than benzo,1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what caused the rls,How did X make you feel?,having rls,,,,True,102 eqksmh,DON'T JUDGE OTHER PEOPLE (SHARING MY EXPERIENCES),0,chitchat,1,,applesandnerds,1,0,0,2020-01-18 19:11:52,selfhelp,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 eib98q,First steps,1a,help-seeking,1,"I’ve swallowed opiates every day for the last ten years. I am a very high functioning addict. The time has come, I am ready to stop. I am physically and emotionally exhausted. Besides the actual out of pocket expenses, My life is so empty because of this addiction. I have abandoned my friends and family, given up every hobby and extra curricular activity that didn’t involve swallowing a pill. Please help me plan on how to approach it. I have 90 10 mg methadone pills and 30 30 mg oxys. My daily maintenance is 3 methadone a day. Should I taper or stop ? All advice is welcomed and appreciated.",tonitoni81,1,0,2,2020-01-01 00:20:03,OpiatesRecovery,"I’ve swallowed opiates every day for the last ten years. I am a very high functioning addict. The time has come, I am ready to stop. I am physically and emotionally exhausted. Besides the actual out of pocket expenses, My life is so empty because of this addiction. I have abandoned my friends and family, given up every hobby and extra curricular activity that didn’t involve swallowing a pill. Please help me plan on how to approach it. I have 90 10 mg methadone pills and 30 30 mg oxys. My daily maintenance is 3 methadone a day. Should I taper or stop ? All advice is welcomed and appreciated.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 elkjlg,I was banned from r/funny,1b,rant,1,,kingofthysufferings,0,0,0,2020-01-08 00:24:42,sad,I was banned from r/funny nan,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you were banned,How did X make you feel?,being banned,What do you need help with now that X?,you were banned from r/funny,,True,100 eifjv0,Bpd ruined my relationship,1a,rant,1,Because of this fucked up disorder I became clingy and jealous and my boyfriend broke up with me. I hate this mental illness,angelicnips,1,0,3,2020-01-01 07:17:16,BPD,Bpd ruined my relationship Because of this fucked up disorder I became clingy and jealous and my boyfriend broke up with me. I hate this mental illness,2,1,0,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how BPD makes you feel,What do you need help with now that X?,BPD makes you clingy and jealous,,True,210 ewarnr,Seriously Need advice,1b,help-seeking,1,"So this is extremely serious, I’ve been dating this girl for a while now and she has her issues sure, mostly with her parents, but I think it stems from this one thing, she was raped a few years ago, I can’t remember how long, but the important part is that she never told her parents, here’s my question, should I tell them? I don’t want to betray her, I don’t know if something like that could be considered as a betrayal but I think it’ll help their relationship if there were no secrets or unknowns. Please help.",GH05T_05,1,0,2,2020-01-30 19:27:04,rapecounseling,"So this is extremely serious, I’ve been dating this girl for a while now and she has her issues sure, mostly with her parents, but I think it stems from this one thing, she was raped a few years ago. I can’t remember how long, but the important part is that she never told her parents. here’s my question, should I tell them? I don’t want to betray her, I don’t know if something like that could be considered as a betrayal but I think it’ll help their relationship if there were no secrets or unknowns. Please help.",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,your girlfriend being raped a few years ago,,,,True,202 eigr2n,Where can i buy good quality razor blades at,0,help-seeking,1,Kinda want to buy some just in case,She_vamps_me,1,0,4,2020-01-01 09:54:20,selfharm,Kinda want to buy some just in case,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 eokelm,unhappiness that is toxic,1a,help-seeking,1,"when i, myself, am unhappy, i tend to want to and/or make others unhappy and ‘feel the same pain as i’m going through’ anyone else like this? and if so, what is the diagnosis if it were to be a mental illness? narcissism?",topeiz,1,0,1,2020-01-14 12:05:58,mentalillness,"when i, myself, am unhappy, i tend to want to and/or make others unhappy and ‘feel the same pain as i’m going through’ anyone else like this? and if so, what is the diagnosis if it were to be a mental illness? narcissism?",2,1,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how your actions make you feel,,,,True,212 emur00,Spaced out?,1a,survey,1,"Anyone ever feel spaced out? Like I’m using my phone and I’m just caught in my thoughts and just out of touch with everyone. I find myself mute in some situations, and just disconnected from everyone.",ClassicAttitude8,1,0,9,2020-01-10 18:09:52,ptsd,"Anyone ever feel spaced out? Like I’m using my phone and I’m just caught in my thoughts and just out of touch with everyone. I find myself mute in some situations, and just disconnected from everyone.",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you feel disconnected with everyone,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel out of touch with everyone,,True,120 endfys,Want to seek help but am ashamed of what my family would think?,1a,help-seeking,2,"So, i'm pretty young and part of a really loosely stringed family, partly due to my father leaving but were all doing fine on our own. I'm the youngest of 3 and have always been the cause of issues and dramatic stuff in my family especially in HS, yet the most is expected of me. I'm planning on moving out to college soon but I'm well aware that i'm not in a 'normal' state that could lead to future issues. I have constant bouts of unmotivation, could get extremely nervous and just have a hard time keeping up with myself which usually leads to exhaustion. I really want to see a therapist/psychiatrist because i'm seeing tons of bad signs/symptons but i'm absolutely ashamed of what my family would think and this is what scares me the most. I know i'm likely to hit a plateau and maybe even a huge fall in the future if I don't have somebody to talk to but I don't want to reach out to anyone. I'm also on Isotretinoin which is needed for my horrible acne but the side effects are atrocious. I don't know what to do or where to get help, i'm a really proud type guy and just want to grow up to be mature and normal but i'm not normal, this conclusion always hurts me",minehumer,1,0,3,2020-01-11 21:17:56,mentalillness,"So, i'm pretty young and part of a really loosely stringed family, partly due to my father leaving but were all doing fine on our own. I'm the youngest of 3 and have always been the cause of issues and dramatic stuff in my family especially in HS, yet the most is expected of me. I'm planning on moving out to college soon but I'm well aware that i'm not in a 'normal' state that could lead to future issues. I have constant bouts of unmotivation, could get extremely nervous and just have a hard time keeping up with myself which usually leads to exhaustion. I really want to see a therapist/psychiatrist because i'm seeing tons of bad signs/symptons but i'm absolutely ashamed of what my family would think and this is what scares me the most. I know i'm likely to hit a plateau and maybe even a huge fall in the future if I don't have somebody to talk to but I don't want to reach out to anyone. I'm also on Isotretinoin which is needed for my horrible acne but the side effects are atrocious. I don't know what to do or where to get help, i'm a really proud type guy and just want to grow up to be mature and normal but i'm not normal, this conclusion always hurts me",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eiuydl,i really want to cut. i can’t get it out of my mind. ughh i don’t want to go back to that and i’ve lasted longer than i ever have. but i really really want to.,1a,rant,1,,cameron53232,1,0,6,2020-01-02 07:07:16,selfharm, i really want to cut. i can’t get it out of my mind. ughh i don’t want to go back to that and i’ve lasted longer than i ever have. but i really really want to. ,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you want to cut,How did X make you feel?,not cutting,What do you need help with now that X?,you are having the urge to cut yourself,,True,100 eljf0q,Some guy unironically likes cats,0,survey,1,,ugandanknuckles999,1,0,0,2020-01-07 23:02:04,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ej026l,Night sweats from PAWS?,0,survey,1,"Hi! Happy New Year all. I’m OFFICIALLY 7 months clean today. My day time cravings from PAWS subsided after Xmas stuff so the holidays must’ve triggered me somehow. I had a dream last night where I got 2 20 mg perks and took them. Hated myself after but I’m glad it’s a dream. My worst lingering symptom is night sweats. I still get them 5-6 nights a week where I have to change my sheets constantly. Anyone else have a long ass timeline for the sweats?",toadlipz85,1,0,12,2020-01-02 16:05:11,OpiatesRecovery,Hi! Happy New Year all. I’m OFFICIALLY 7 months clean today. My day time cravings from PAWS subsided after Xmas stuff so the holidays must’ve triggered me somehow. I had a dream last night where I got 2 20 mg perks and took them. Hated myself after but I’m glad it’s a dream. My worst lingering symptom is night sweats. I still get them 5-6 nights a week where I have to change my sheets constantly. Anyone else have a long ass timeline for the sweats?,2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how the night sweats make you feel,,,,True,212 etu7c8,Everything is falling apart. I can't hold my self more,1a,rant,1,,ag7007,1,0,8,2020-01-25 18:09:58,selfhelp,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 ej99fv,Hi I’m new I’m debating price wise of tattooing over my wrist or doing scar removal. Any tips?,0,help-seeking,1,,rmmcsweeney,3,0,0,2020-01-03 03:12:28,selfharm,Hi I’m new I’m debating price wise of tattooing over my wrist or doing scar removal. Any tips?,0,0,2,What happened that you want X ?,to get a tattoo over your wrist,Why are you wanting X ?,to remove your scars,,,,True,002 eie0s8,Thought this belonged here. Gonna try and focus and track my happiness throughout the year using this trick,0,chitchat,1,"I remember reading a story online about a girl clicking her pen everytime she had a happy thought. Earlier today I read about people tracking their mood. Personally, I'm a little too critical of myself. So next year, I've decided I'm going to keep track of my happy, positive thoughts. I'm going to write them down and add them into my journal, and keep a tally of their frequency. I also want to do the same thing with my negative thoughts, except by calling them into question and explaining why I'm overthinking (a trick my therapist taught me to put things into a more rational perspective). By doing this, giving my happy thoughts more consideration and downsizing my negative thoughts, I can learn to love me and the things around me better, rather than being so bitter. I just wanted to share.",bimbamspicnspan,1,0,5,2020-01-01 04:38:22,selfhelp,"I remember reading a story online about a girl clicking her pen everytime she had a happy thought. Earlier today I read about people tracking their mood. Personally, I'm a little too critical of myself. So next year, I've decided I'm going to keep track of my happy, positive thoughts. I'm going to write them down and add them into my journal, and keep a tally of their frequency. I also want to do the same thing with my negative thoughts, except by calling them into question and explaining why I'm overthinking (a trick my therapist taught me to put things into a more rational perspective). By doing this, giving my happy thoughts more consideration and downsizing my negative thoughts, I can learn to love me and the things around me better, rather than being so bitter. I just wanted to share.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 fukjgc,How do you explain to people your depression?,0,help-seeking,1,"I'm on my 6th week of therapy and I've been socializing more lately. Back then, I've been isolating myself from my friends and people on school. The thing is, some people have asked me why I have been quiet lately. How do I simply explain or tell them why without really saying it was depression because it's too hefty of a thing to say?",caelichyth,1,0,1,2020-04-04 01:08:07,getting_over_it,"I'm on my 6th week of therapy and I've been socializing more lately. Back then, I've been isolating myself from my friends and people on school. The thing is, some people have asked me why I have been quiet lately. How do I simply explain or tell them why without really saying it was depression because it's too hefty of a thing to say?",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,your depression,,,,True,202 elxhee,EMDR for night terrors,0,help-seeking,1,"I’ve done several sessions of EMDR now focused on my past abusive relationship (I believe this relationship is partially to blame for causing my night terrors, as does my therapist). My therapist believes it would be helpful for me to do EMDR sessions targeting the night terrors themselves. I’m having difficulty wrapping my mind around this, as they are visions I have and not actual trauma in the same way my abusive ex was. Does anyone have any suggestions?",elschmidt,1,0,15,2020-01-08 19:27:32,ptsd,"I’ve done several sessions of EMDR now focused on my past abusive relationship (I believe this relationship is partially to blame for causing my night terrors, as does my therapist). My therapist believes it would be helpful for me to do EMDR sessions targeting the night terrors themselves. I’m having difficulty wrapping my mind around this, as they are visions I have and not actual trauma in the same way my abusive ex was. Does anyone have any suggestions?",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,the night terrors,,,,True,202 eofrsr,The frustrating part of AA,1b,rant,3,"This is mostly just me bitching... so if you don’t want to read a whole long bitching post then you might want to close this out. I know AA works. I love the program and everything about it. I go to 1-2 meetings a day and have not gotten sick of it yet, some of my realest friends are in the rooms and it’s where I feel most at home. That being said, I’m having a hard time with finding compassion in the last 24 hours. My sponsor reminded me that someone with 4 decades could be way more sick than someone with 6 months (and vice versa) and that time truly doesn’t mean a whole lot when it comes to the program. In 2 separate meetings I’ve dealt with 3 old timers who really grated my nerves. One trailed on for 25 minutes at the beginning of the meeting (just complaining about her life, talking about being catholic, and making fun of her active alcoholic sister. Not much AA related and yes the chairperson should have intervened). At the end when anyone was asked if they had a burning desire she started in again. For 10 minutes. I had to leave to get to another meeting and my ride was going to be at my house in 5 minutes and I was 10-15 minutes from home. She wrapped up and another old timer stopped me and told me I needed to be staying til the end of meetings and I wouldn’t stay sober if I didn’t, and that I need to let people know that sometimes meetings run over. I identify as a newcomer but I was raised in AA and also have 10 years in and out after I realized I was also an alcoholic. So I know how meeting formats run. I did tell her “meetings are supposed to start and end on time, and expecting someone to wait around for me when I told them I would be there at a certain time, which would make them late as well to our next meeting, is very selfish”. Yesterday I got cornered by a lady from out of town who must have assumed I had never been to a meeting before since I identified myself as a newcomer. It took me 15 minutes to finally get away from her without being rude (in retrospect I should have just been rude and walked away but hindsight). Where she proceeded to recite the steps from memory and explain each one to me, told me if I didn’t get a sponsor I wouldn’t stay sober (I have a sponsor). Told me I needed to start working the steps (I’m halfway through them). And then told me “you’re so young you’re probably not an alcoholic. But if you are and you drink again YOU. WILL. DIE. Do you understand me? You’ll die”. It was at that point that I slowly started backing away because she was freaking me out. Came pretty close to telling her that just a few months ago I would have happily robbed her for money for a handle and an 8 ball of coke but hey what do I know. I’m still in my 20s after all. Plus I don’t do the pissing contest of trying to prove myself an alcoholic. I know that we are all sick on some level, some more so than others, but the last couple meetings I’ve gone to have been like this. I have no idea if it’s something in the air or what the hell is going on, but I’ve been building resentments like a motherfucker towards these people and needed to get this off my chest. Sorry for the long rant. But if you got this far. How do you handle people like this in meetings without being straight up rude?",GroundbreakingGrade8,1,0,28,2020-01-14 03:46:50,alcoholicsanonymous,"This is mostly just me bitching... so if you don’t want to read a whole long bitching post then you might want to close this out. I know AA works. I love the program and everything about it. I go to 1-2 meetings a day and have not gotten sick of it yet, some of my realest friends are in the rooms and it’s where I feel most at home. That being said, I’m having a hard time with finding compassion in the last 24 hours. My sponsor reminded me that someone with 4 decades could be way more sick than someone with 6 months (and vice versa) and that time truly doesn’t mean a whole lot when it comes to the program. In 2 separate meetings I’ve dealt with 3 old timers who really grated my nerves. One trailed on for 25 minutes at the beginning of the meeting (just complaining about her life, talking about being catholic, and making fun of her active alcoholic sister.Not much AA related and yes the chairperson should have intervened). At the end when anyone was asked if they had a burning desire she started in again. For 10 minutes. I had to leave to get to another meeting and my ride was going to be at my house in 5 minutes and I was 10-15 minutes from home. She wrapped up and another old timer stopped me and told me I needed to be staying til the end of meetings and I wouldn’t stay sober if I didn’t, and that I need to let people know that sometimes meetings run over. I identify as a newcomer but I was raised in AA and also have 10 years in and out after I realized I was also an alcoholic. So I know how meeting formats run. I did tell her “meetings are supposed to start and end on time, and expecting someone to wait around for me when I told them I would be there at a certain time, which would make them late as well to our next meeting, is very selfish”. Yesterday I got cornered by a lady from out of town who must have assumed I had never been to a meeting before since I identified myself as a newcomer. It took me 15 minutes to finally get away from her without being rude (in retrospect I should have just been rude and walked away but hindsight). Where she proceeded to recite the steps from memory and explain each one to me, told me if I didn’t get a sponsor I wouldn’t stay sober (I have a sponsor). Told me I needed to start working the steps (I’m halfway through them). And then told me “you’re so young you’re probably not an alcoholic. But if you are and you drink again YOU. WILL. DIE. Do you understand me? You’ll die”. It was at that point that I slowly started backing away because she was freaking me out. Came pretty close to telling her that just a few months ago I would have happily robbed her for money for a handle and an 8 ball of coke but hey what do I know. I’m still in my 20s after all. Plus I don’t do the pissing contest of trying to prove myself an alcoholic. I know that we are all sick on some level, some more so than others, but the last couple meetings I’ve gone to have been like this. I have no idea if it’s something in the air or what the hell is going on, but I’ve been building resentments like a motherfucker towards these people and needed to get this off my chest. Sorry for the long rant. But if you got this far. How do you handle people like this in meetings without being straight up rude?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 f3x3nf,I feel like I've been really mean to everyone I love and I can't stop,1a,help-seeking,1,"Lately if anyone does anything that I might find annoying I lash out or I ignore them. I get so angry I let it ruin my day. In the moment it feels totally justified. But as soon as they walk away I feel terrible. I feel like I'm a bad person. I don't get along with anyone in my family anymore. It didn't use to be like that though. If anyone got on my nerves I would just ignore it and try to move on but now it just explodes and I can't stop myself from hurting them. I don't physically do anything, it's all verbal. I feel like I put everyone else in a bad mood. I don't want to do anything like that but I can't control myself whenever I get angry. And it's always at the smallest things, things I would normally be able to leave behind. Why am I suddenly like this? How do I stop it?",bananasAnbeans,1,0,2,2020-02-14 19:14:04,Anger,"Lately if anyone does anything that I might find annoying I lash out or I ignore them. I get so angry I let it ruin my day. In the moment it feels totally justified. But as soon as they walk away I feel terrible. I feel like I'm a bad person. I don't get along with anyone in my family anymore. It didn't use to be like that though. If anyone got on my nerves I would just ignore it and try to move on but now it just explodes and I can't stop myself from hurting them. I don't physically do anything, it's all verbal. I feel like I put everyone else in a bad mood. I don't want to do anything like that but I can't control myself whenever I get angry. And it's always at the smallest things, things I would normally be able to leave behind. Why am I suddenly like this? How do I stop it?",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eju5gs,Death of a Hamster,0,rant,1,"So 4 years ago my girlfriend started dating and on our one year anniversary I bought her first hamster and named him Rhino. He was the most playful, loving, social and just all around a wonderful hamster. We watched him grow since since he was 3 months old and eventually saw him as our child before a biological kid. 3 years later (Dec. 17th 2019) my now fiance and I had to lay him to rest. She got home from work and played with him for the last time. She let him crawl around on her while she hand feeds him small seeds and vegetables. He decides to lay down on her chest and just closes his eyes. Assuming he was asleep she lightly pet him and after 20 minutes she realized he wasnt breathing, or moving. I like to think he lived a good long life.",tonb4287,2,0,1,2020-01-04 08:34:39,sad,"So 4 years ago my girlfriend started dating and on our one year anniversary I bought her first hamster and named him Rhino. He was the most playful, loving, social and just all around a wonderful hamster. We watched him grow since since he was 3 months old and eventually saw him as our child before a biological kid. 3 years later (Dec. 17th 2019) my now fiance and I had to lay him to rest. She got home from work and played with him for the last time. She let him crawl around on her while she hand feeds him small seeds and vegetables. He decides to lay down on her chest and just closes his eyes. Assuming he was asleep she lightly pet him and after 20 minutes she realized he wasnt breathing, or moving. I like to think he lived a good long life.",2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,the hamster passing away,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel sad about the hamster passing away,,True,200 enajq8,"GF not supporting recovery/suboxone taper, wants to drug test me randomly",1b,survey,1,"I am struggling tremendously to get off subs, I get RX’s 20 8mg/month. She didn’t support my recovery when I came clean to her in October, I told her I’d stop them but I lied (I know I suck) and tried to keep my taper under wraps. Well she caught me 2 weeks ago and gave me an ultimatum. I’ve struggled a lot these past couple weeks, slipped up a few times. I feel like my mental health is suffering but idk how much of that is just me being weak? Anyway, she wants to drug test me and I’m curious if anyone ever dated an SO like this before? Not trying to “beat the test” I’m trying to determine if I’m making the right call. All comments are appreciated!",HelpMePlease11111222,1,0,49,2020-01-11 17:47:57,OpiatesRecovery,"GF not supporting recovery/suboxone taper, wants to drug test me randomly I am struggling tremendously to get off subs, I get RX’s 20 8mg/month. She didn’t support my recovery when I came clean to her in October, I told her I’d stop them but I lied (I know I suck) and tried to keep my taper under wraps. Well she caught me 2 weeks ago and gave me an ultimatum. I’ve struggled a lot these past couple weeks, slipped up a few times. I feel like my mental health is suffering but idk how much of that is just me being weak? Anyway, she wants to drug test me and I’m curious if anyone ever dated an SO like this before? Not trying to “beat the test” I’m trying to determine if I’m making the right call. All comments are appreciated!",2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about being asked to a drug test,,,,True,212 er1xgy,I’ve turned into a slut?,1a,rant,1,Ever since the rape I’ve been really hyper sexual and reckless. I hook up with people off bumble. Tonight I shagged two different guys in the space of 2 hours. It was exciting at the time but now I feel like a slut. I was never like this before the rape.,anonymouscat2010,1,0,35,2020-01-19 20:41:00,rapecounseling,Ever since the rape I’ve been really hyper sexual and reckless. I hook up with people off bumble. Tonight I shagged two different guys in the space of 2 hours. It was exciting at the time but now I feel like a slut. I was never like this before the rape.,2,1,0,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how being hyper sexual makes you feel,What do you need help with now that X?,you are feeling hyper sexual after the rape,,True,210 ei8nms,I hate my life so much,1a,rant,1,"Everything just keeps going downhill. People close to me die or leave me. I have no one to talk to. I spend all day at work pretending to be nice and patient with customers then I go home and lay in bed by myself. I broke up with my boyfriend, the best friend I’ve ever had and he won’t speak to me now. Not looking forward to another year of this.",icedlatte98,1,0,0,2019-12-31 20:51:29,depression,"Everything just keeps going downhill. People close to me die or leave me. I have no one to talk to. I spend all day at work pretending to be nice and patient with customers then I go home and lay in bed by myself. I broke up with my boyfriend, the best friend I’ve ever had and he won’t speak to me now. Not looking forward to another year of this.",2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,being lonely,What do you need help with now that X?,you have no one to talk to,,True,200 elvn39,"Pity Party for 1, please.",1a,rant,3,"My story is kinda long but here it goes anyways... I got in a car accident 9 years ago and shattered my pelvis and broke my hip. I was in the hospital for a few months and then had to re-learn to walk, do physical therapy, the whole usual ordeal. That accident brings me to where I am now, 9 years later, addicted to opioids. I have basically taken them off and on, mostly on, since that accident. There has been A LOT that has gone in these last 9 years but it would take a book to explain it all, so Ill just talk about the last 3-4 years. Before the accident, I had never taken any kind of pill other then tylenol/advil so Id say most of my current issues stem from within the past 9 years. Anyways, Ive been prescribed 3-4 10/325 oxycodones/day for the past couple years. I used to take them how they were prescribed and to be honest, I dont even know how/when I got this bad off. But for the past couple years, I would get my prescription and instead of taking 4/day, I would take 6-8/day. I never took two at a time but instead of taking them every 4-6 hours, I would take one every two hours, give or take 30 mins. Meaning I would usually run out almost two weeks early. So for the next two weeks I would trade my adderall for someone I knows hydrocodone. The hydrocodone didnt help my like the oxycodone did, but I felt like it helped enough that I wouldnt go into full withdrawals if that makes sense. Also note, I couldnt get an unlimited supply of hydrocodone or anything, I normally got enough of the 10mg hydros to take only 2-3/day, so I definitely had to somewhat control myself during that time. I never bought anything off the street or tried anything else. However, every month I told myself, Im going to take my meds the way Im supposed to take them, I HATED always worrying about pills...if I had them, would I be able to get them, how many could I get, etc. Which brings me back to how it literally CONSUMED me. Always in the back of my mind though was the actual, REAL pain I have in my lower back. Without pain meds, how would that be controlled?? Mind you Ive tried 3-4 different type of injections, physical therapy, non narcotics, etc. because at the end of the day I just dont want to be in this kinda pain but again, at the same time these pain pills have completely changed me as a person. Wheres the balance?! For the past couple months, I have been thinking REALLY hard about how I want to end this cycle but Ive never been strong enough to do it, until yesterday. I went to my pain management doctor and did the usual spiel and finally broke down and told him I want to get off the pills. He agreed with me, I could tell for the past few months he wanted me off the narcotics (which only added to my stress and anxiety..when would the time come that he would just stop prescribing them?? These are things that constantly ran through my head) but I was kind of passed to him from my other doctor who moved away and I guess since I had always complied and also tried several other things to try and help the pain, he never took them away. So he prescribed me like 5 other meds to help with the withdrawals and also called a personal doctor friend who works on the addiction side, as he said, who would be able to help with my dependency (addiction? I loathe that word). So the last pain pill I took was half of a 10mg hydrocodone at 8:30pm Monday night. (I took 3 10mg altogether that day) I went and got the meds he prescribed filled, although my pharmacy was out of two of them and they had to order them, hopefully they will come in today. Anyways, after that I went to work like normal and was actually not to bad off, minus my crying like a baby on and off while I texted my mom and dad about whats going on. I know my mom had some idea of how bad I was but my dad, who lives 3 hours away, had no clue. None of my friends know about this nor does any of the rest of my family including my siblings and step parents. Its mortifying and I dont want anyone else to know about it to be quite honest. So back to my main story, sorry I like to ramble. So my pain management doctors, doctor friend who works the “other side” of this, had his office call me within an hour of me leaving my doctors appt. She said the doctor could get me in Thursday morning (tomorrow) and asked the basic questions about insurance and stuff. I do have insurance but of course its one of the only ones that doctor doesnt accept, so my first appt will be $400 bc she said its a longer appt and I asked what all it entails. She said basically he will talk to me and find out what my issues are and most likely prescribe me suboxone, just ONE, that I will have to take and get filled at the pharmacy, bring back to the doctors office and take half in front of him? Then wait around so he can see and make sure I dont have any negative side effects and then Ill be able to leave. She didnt say anything more so I am guessing if the suboxone agrees with me, I will be given a script for it for a month and then have to follow back up with him in a month. Does this sound likely what is to happen? Aside from everything that happened with the doctors yesterday, here I am I guess about 36 hours after my last dose and I dont feel like Im dying or anything but I dont feel good either. I called into work this morning and Im also thinking about calling into my second job this afternoon, although I really need to be working. I feel tired more then anything, that and my back hurts. Im probably killing my liver with acetaminophen. Last night I was able to work almost my whole shift, I left two hours early because I just couldnt make myself work any longer. Im also having terrible anxiety. Ive had bad anxiety for years and used to be prescribed xanax, however, last year the doctors said there have been new studies done and they werent going to be prescribing pain meds and xanax anymore so I went off the xanax, which I never had an issue with that anyways. I only took it as needed, so not even everyday, it honestly wasnt hard to give up but holy fuck, I wish I had one right now. Im also just so so tired. I even took my adderall and Im still tired as shit. I have no motivation whatsoever, which I didnt have much while on the pills, not now it’s literally non existent. I know Ive read other peoples stories on different subs who sound like they’ve had it way worse than me and Im sure I sound like a big ass baby, Im just so pissed at myself for doing this to myself to begin with and now Im having a pity party. So I guess my questions are, how much worse will this get before it starts to get better? How long until I feel normal again? What should I expect from taking suboxone? Is there anything I can do now (like right now, today) to feel better, cut down on the anxiety, whatever? Ive read on here about something called Kratom, should I try that? I first read about it on another sub a couple months ago and have been thinking about trying it since then but Im honestly kind of scared since I dont know how itll effect me. I also do not smoke or drink, tried weed in the past, years ago, not my thing. Im looking forward to getting my LIFE back. The pills have completely changed me as a person. I used to be very social, had lots of friends, always on the go. Now, I dont do anything but work and lay on my couch. Im lazy as fuck, depressed as fuck and honestly probably wouldnt even leave the house if it wasnt for work and my dog. I rarely see my friends and when I do its because I have to force myself. Im just tried of living like this. Any help or advice is very much appreciated!!!! Sorry if my post is all over the place.",Free_Struggle,1,0,0,2020-01-08 17:16:57,OpiatesRecovery,"My story is kinda long but here it goes anyways... I got in a car accident 9 years ago and shattered my pelvis and broke my hip. I was in the hospital for a few months and then had to re-learn to walk, do physical therapy, the whole usual ordeal. That accident brings me to where I am now, 9 years later, addicted to opioids. I have basically taken them off and on, mostly on, since that accident. There has been A LOT that has gone in these last 9 years but it would take a book to explain it all, so Ill just talk about the last 3-4 years. Before the accident, I had never taken any kind of pill other then tylenol/advil so Id say most of my current issues stem from within the past 9 years. Anyways, Ive been prescribed 3-4 10/325 oxycodones/day for the past couple years. I used to take them how they were prescribed and to be honest, I dont even know how/when I got this bad off. But for the past couple years, I would get my prescription and instead of taking 4/day, I would take 6-8/day. I never took two at a time but instead of taking them every 4-6 hours, I would take one every two hours, give or take 30 mins. Meaning I would usually run out almost two weeks early. So for the next two weeks I would trade my adderall for someone I knows hydrocodone. The hydrocodone didnt help my like the oxycodone did, but I felt like it helped enough that I wouldnt go into full withdrawals if that makes sense. Also note, I couldnt get an unlimited supply of hydrocodone or anything, I normally got enough of the 10mg hydros to take only 2-3/day, so I definitely had to somewhat control myself during that time. I never bought anything off the street or tried anything else. However, every month I told myself, Im going to take my meds the way Im supposed to take them, I HATED always worrying about pills...if I had them, would I be able to get them, how many could I get, etc. Which brings me back to how it literally CONSUMED me. Always in the back of my mind though was the actual, REAL pain I have in my lower back. Without pain meds, how would that be controlled?? Mind you Ive tried 3-4 different type of injections, physical therapy, non narcotics, etc. because at the end of the day I just dont want to be in this kinda pain but again, at the same time these pain pills have completely changed me as a person. Wheres the balance?! For the past couple months, I have been thinking REALLY hard about how I want to end this cycle but Ive never been strong enough to do it, until yesterday. I went to my pain management doctor and did the usual spiel and finally broke down and told him I want to get off the pills. He agreed with me, I could tell for the past few months he wanted me off the narcotics (which only added to my stress and anxiety..when would the time come that he would just stop prescribing them?? These are things that constantly ran through my head) but I was kind of passed to him from my other doctor who moved away and I guess since I had always complied and also tried several other things to try and help the pain, he never took them away. So he prescribed me like 5 other meds to help with the withdrawals and also called a personal doctor friend who works on the addiction side, as he said, who would be able to help with my dependency (addiction? I loathe that word). So the last pain pill I took was half of a 10mg hydrocodone at 8:30pm Monday night. (I took 3 10mg altogether that day) I went and got the meds he prescribed filled, although my pharmacy was out of two of them and they had to order them, hopefully they will come in today. Anyways, after that I went to work like normal and was actually not to bad off, minus my crying like a baby on and off while I texted my mom and dad about whats going on. I know my mom had some idea of how bad I was but my dad, who lives 3 hours away, had no clue. None of my friends know about this nor does any of the rest of my family including my siblings and step parents. Its mortifying and I dont want anyone else to know about it to be quite honest. So back to my main story, sorry I like to ramble. So my pain management doctors, doctor friend who works the “other side” of this, had his office call me within an hour of me leaving my doctors appt. She said the doctor could get me in Thursday morning (tomorrow) and asked the basic questions about insurance and stuff. I do have insurance but of course its one of the only ones that doctor doesnt accept, so my first appt will be $400 bc she said its a longer appt and I asked what all it entails. She said basically he will talk to me and find out what my issues are and most likely prescribe me suboxone, just ONE, that I will have to take and get filled at the pharmacy, bring back to the doctors office and take half in front of him? Then wait around so he can see and make sure I dont have any negative side effects and then Ill be able to leave. She didnt say anything more so I am guessing if the suboxone agrees with me, I will be given a script for it for a month and then have to follow back up with him in a month. Does this sound likely what is to happen? Aside from everything that happened with the doctors yesterday, here I am I guess about 36 hours after my last dose and I dont feel like Im dying or anything but I dont feel good either. I called into work this morning and Im also thinking about calling into my second job this afternoon, although I really need to be working. I feel tired more then anything, that and my back hurts. Im probably killing my liver with acetaminophen. Last night I was able to work almost my whole shift, I left two hours early because I just couldnt make myself work any longer. Im also having terrible anxiety. Ive had bad anxiety for years and used to be prescribed xanax, however, last year the doctors said there have been new studies done and they werent going to be prescribing pain meds and xanax anymore so I went off the xanax, which I never had an issue with that anyways. I only took it as needed, so not even everyday, it honestly wasnt hard to give up but holy fuck, I wish I had one right now. Im also just so so tired. I even took my adderall and Im still tired as shit. I have no motivation whatsoever, which I didnt have much while on the pills, not now it’s literally non existent. I know Ive read other peoples stories on different subs who sound like they’ve had it way worse than me and Im sure I sound like a big ass baby, Im just so pissed at myself for doing this to myself to begin with and now Im having a pity party. So I guess my questions are, how much worse will this get before it starts to get better? How long until I feel normal again? What should I expect from taking suboxone? Is there anything I can do now (like right now, today) to feel better, cut down on the anxiety, whatever? Ive read on here about something called Kratom, should I try that? I first read about it on another sub a couple months ago and have been thinking about trying it since then but Im honestly kind of scared since I dont know how itll effect me. I also do not smoke or drink, tried weed in the past, years ago, not my thing. Im looking forward to getting my LIFE back. The pills have completely changed me as a person. I used to be very social, had lots of friends, always on the go. Now, I dont do anything but work and lay on my couch. Im lazy as fuck, depressed as fuck and honestly probably wouldnt even leave the house if it wasnt for work and my dog. I rarely see my friends and when I do its because I have to force myself. Im just tried of living like this. Any help or advice is very much appreciated!!!! Sorry if my post is all over the place.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 em5m0x,"i’m in dire mental strain, pls help :/",1a,help-seeking,1,"due to quite a long list of unfortunate and awful events, i have diagnosed PTSD, and it is difficult to handle the flare ups and talk about it because of fear build up. it doesn’t help i see one of my abusers every other day, and i feel like i’ll always feel this way and i won’t get better. the flare ups keep getting stronger and harder to ignore and get thru. have any advice for reducing this mental pain? i’d love to hear any, thank you",yourironmaiden,1,0,7,2020-01-09 06:05:53,ptsd,"due to quite a long list of unfortunate and awful events, i have diagnosed PTSD, and it is difficult to handle the flare ups and talk about it because of fear build up. it doesn’t help i see one of my abusers every other day, and i feel like i’ll always feel this way and i won’t get better. the flare ups keep getting stronger and harder to ignore and get thru. have any advice for reducing this mental pain? i’d love to hear any, thank you",2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,the ptsd flare ups make you feel,,,,True,212 eifitf,I’m curious to know...,0,survey,1,"How many people here have high functioning BPD and what made you realize that maybe you should talk to a professional? I guess I want to know what your wake up call was. Did it involve something catastrophic or did it kind of chip away at you over time? I’m curious because I’m in my 30’s and I was never really labeled as a problem child or someone with behavioral issues. My friends may describe me as eccentric, but I’ve hid my inner thoughts from some of them for several years without any suspicion.",AlohomoraCorazon,1,0,11,2020-01-01 07:13:27,BPD,"How many people here have high functioning BPD and what made you realize that maybe you should talk to a professional? I guess I want to know what your wake up call was. Did it involve something catastrophic or did it kind of chip away at you over time? I’m curious because I’m in my 30’s and I was never really labeled as a problem child or someone with behavioral issues. My friends may describe me as eccentric, but I’ve hid my inner thoughts from some of them for several years without any suspicion.",1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your inner thoughts,How did X make you feel?,being labelled as eccentric,,,,True,102 ej5oqv,"I can never be ""myself"" around anyone.",1a,rant,1,"I choose not to have friends because I feel like I'm always ""acting"" like someone else around people. I can never fully be myself. It's bothersome because well, I'm alone. But I also like it because I enjoy being me. It's like a lose all my feelings around others and take on theirs. If people are acting a certain way, I kind of pick up on it and inadvertently act that way too. Then when I wind down at home, I realize I ""lost"" myself in an act I didn't mean to. I can never just be comfortable around others without taking on their personalities and feelings. I am a huge empath btw.",shutupmyhead,10,0,12,2020-01-02 22:43:36,socialanxiety,"I choose not to have friends because I feel like I'm always ""acting"" like someone else around people. I can never fully be myself. It's bothersome because well, I'm alone. But I also like it because I enjoy being me. It's like a lose all my feelings around others and take on theirs. If people are acting a certain way, I kind of pick up on it and inadvertently act that way too. Then when I wind down at home, I realize I ""lost"" myself in an act I didn't mean to. I can never just be comfortable around others without taking on their personalities and feelings. I am a huge empath btw.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you can't be yourself around others,,True,220 f6f2bo,Over it. But not really.,1b,help-seeking,4," LONG- I (35F) have been married to my husband (35M) for 17 years this year. In those years we've had a LOT of issues with infidelity and anger. Shortly after getting married, my husband ""caught me talking to a guy I met at work"". But he didn't actually catch me doing anything. The wife of the guy I gave my number to found it and came up to my job, followed me home, then told my husband. She was a total nut job. We'd never even actually spoken on the phone. Turns out that guy had been messing around with a lot of women on her. I was just the most accessible. My husband was so hurt even though it never went anywhere. I accepted this responsibility because even though it didn't had I fully intended to talk to this man in a way I shouldn't have been. Anyway, fast forward a year and I'm pregnant with our first child. I find out he's ""talking to"" a girl at work. I confront him he claims it's done. I think I can't really get mad because of what I'd done. I let it go. A year after that we're in bed late one night and and his phone rings (his friends name pops up). I shake him awake and tell him his friend is calling he looks at it and hits ignore. Friend calls right back which I find highly unusual. the next morning I ask him what the urgency was about. He says ""oh he just wanted to invite me to a party"". I said ""so he called you twice for that?"". He just shrugged. I look through his phone, get the number, and call it from my phone. A woman answers. I ask her how she knows him. She tells me that she didn't know he had a wife just a baby mama and a kid. I confront him, he says she's lying he only knows her through his friend and they all smoke weed together that's why her number was saved that way. Again, I let it go because of how much I hurt him talking to that random guy. Fast forward two more years and he actually sleeps with another woman. I only found out because he was black out drunk and left his tagged (didn't even know he had one or even what it was) account open. I read messages between them and she's asking him why he didn't finish and if he'll come back again. I show him he cries and pleads. I leave for a while but I'm pregnant with our second child. He convinces me it was a terrible mistake, he didn't even finish bc he knew it was wrong. I move back. Things are good for a while. We have our 3rd kid. About 4 years after that incident he goes on a business trip out of country for 3 months. In that time he grows increasingly distant. He's hard to get a hold of. And when I do he acts as if I'm bothering him. When he gets home I ask him to use a condom and he does with no protest. And actually finishes with the condom . This is significant bc he's NEVER done this in all our years together. I ask him if he was up to something again. He denies it. For our oldest kids birthday that year we took her to an amusement park. He goes to get n the roller coaster with them and asks me to hold his phone. While it's in my purse I can feel it going crazy so I pull it out thinking it must be something important. I see messages from a woman he met while on the trip. They're talking about love and marriage, and kids. He sent her a tablet and money bc she was having a hard time. He doesn't deny it this time bc he can't it's all in black and white. I leave. But somehow he convinces me to come back. It takes a while but eventually we move past it. Though when we argue and I'm saying how many times he's hurt me he STILL brings up this one guy that I ""talked to"" to justify all of the mess he's pulled on me. It's been a few years since the last cheating incident but in 2017 he punch holes in ours walls while he was drunk and said he'd kill me if I ever tried to leave him while holding me by the neck. He's also yelled at our oldest child that they should get their stuff and get the f\*ck out with me but I can't take his boys. Each time he's gotten like this he's been drunk. The final episode happened in 2019. He was drunk and I heard him call his Mom and sister and say that he was going to kill me. I'd been pulling away and I guess he could feel it. I'd also started a new job making substantially more than I did before. He wanted me to quit and stay at home even though our youngest is in school now. His Mom called me later and said it was all about control and I should leave him before he really hurts me. I asked him to move out and he did. It's been over a year now. How pathetic is it that I still love this man? I get angry when I think about all he's done and how he's made me feel. But then I think about when he's the person I met and fell in love with like over the last year. He says he's a changed person and he's stopped drinking but I just don't know what to do. My heart always over rules my brain when it comes to him. I haven't told anyone any of this outside of when my in-laws know from last year. I've always been ashamed of how weak I was and how I let the fear of raising my children alone keep me in what I know is an unhealthy situation. Why can't I let go? TL;DR- Husband is a habitual cheater that blames it on my one ""infidelity"". Stopped cheating started getting violent but I still can't convince myself to leave him.",ConsistentCharacter6,1,0,2,2020-02-19 18:34:29,domesticviolence," LONG- I (35F) have been married to my husband (35M) for 17 years this year. In those years we've had a LOT of issues with infidelity and anger. Shortly after getting married, my husband ""caught me talking to a guy I met at work"". But he didn't actually catch me doing anything. The wife of the guy I gave my number to found it and came up to my job, followed me home, then told my husband. She was a total nut job. We'd never even actually spoken on the phone. Turns out that guy had been messing around with a lot of women on her. I was just the most accessible. My husband was so hurt even though it never went anywhere. I accepted this responsibility because even though it didn't had I fully intended to talk to this man in a way I shouldn't have been. Anyway, fast forward a year and I'm pregnant with our first child. I find out he's ""talking to"" a girl at work. I confront him he claims it's done. I think I can't really get mad because of what I'd done. I let it go. A year after that we're in bed late one night and and his phone rings (his friends name pops up). I shake him awake and tell him his friend is calling he looks at it and hits ignore. Friend calls right back which I find highly unusual. the next morning I ask him what the urgency was about. He says ""oh he just wanted to invite me to a party"". I said ""so he called you twice for that?"". He just shrugged. I look through his phone, get the number, and call it from my phone. A woman answers. I ask her how she knows him. She tells me that she didn't know he had a wife just a baby mama and a kid. I confront him, he says she's lying he only knows her through his friend and they all smoke weed together that's why her number was saved that way. Again, I let it go because of how much I hurt him talking to that random guy. Fast forward two more years and he actually sleeps with another woman. I only found out because he was black out drunk and left his tagged (didn't even know he had one or even what it was) account open. I read messages between them and she's asking him why he didn't finish and if he'll come back again. I show him he cries and pleads. I leave for a while but I'm pregnant with our second child. He convinces me it was a terrible mistake, he didn't even finish bc he knew it was wrong. I move back. Things are good for a while. We have our 3rd kid. About 4 years after that incident he goes on a business trip out of country for 3 months. In that time he grows increasingly distant. He's hard to get a hold of. And when I do he acts as if I'm bothering him. When he gets home I ask him to use a condom and he does with no protest. And actually finishes with the condom . This is significant bc he's NEVER done this in all our years together. I ask him if he was up to something again. He denies it. For our oldest kids birthday that year we took her to an amusement park. He goes to get n the roller coaster with them and asks me to hold his phone. While it's in my purse I can feel it going crazy so I pull it out thinking it must be something important. I see messages from a woman he met while on the trip. They're talking about love and marriage, and kids. He sent her a tablet and money bc she was having a hard time. He doesn't deny it this time bc he can't it's all in black and white. I leave. But somehow he convinces me to come back. It takes a while but eventually we move past it. Though when we argue and I'm saying how many times he's hurt me he STILL brings up this one guy that I ""talked to"" to justify all of the mess he's pulled on me. It's been a few years since the last cheating incident but in 2017 he punch holes in ours walls while he was drunk and said he'd kill me if I ever tried to leave him while holding me by the neck. He's also yelled at our oldest child that they should get their stuff and get the f\*ck out with me but I can't take his boys. Each time he's gotten like this he's been drunk. The final episode happened in 2019. He was drunk and I heard him call his Mom and sister and say that he was going to kill me. I'd been pulling away and I guess he could feel it. I'd also started a new job making substantially more than I did before. He wanted me to quit and stay at home even though our youngest is in school now. His Mom called me later and said it was all about control and I should leave him before he really hurts me. I asked him to move out and he did. It's been over a year now. How pathetic is it that I still love this man? I get angry when I think about all he's done and how he's made me feel. But then I think about when he's the person I met and fell in love with like over the last year. He says he's a changed person and he's stopped drinking but I just don't know what to do. My heart always over rules my brain when it comes to him. I haven't told anyone any of this outside of when my in-laws know from last year. I've always been ashamed of how weak I was and how I let the fear of raising my children alone keep me in what I know is an unhealthy situation. Why can't I let go? TL;DR- Husband is a habitual cheater that blames it on my one ""infidelity"". Stopped cheating started getting violent but I still can't convince myself to leave him.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 em942j,Article responding to the NYT recent critique of AA,0,chitchat,1,"[NY Post Response](https://nypost.com/2020/01/08/an-insane-feminist-attack-on-alcoholics-anonymous/) Here's an article I saw recently that is critical of the New York times article we saw last month. This one is a little more AA friendly and doesn't blame men, in general, for the challenges in AA.",AnAttackHeli,1,0,10,2020-01-09 12:41:47,alcoholicsanonymous,"[NY Post Response](https://nypost.com/2020/01/08/an-insane-feminist-attack-on-alcoholics-anonymous/) Here's an article I saw recently that is critical of the New York times article we saw last month. This one is a little more AA friendly and doesn't blame men, in general, for the challenges in AA.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eikcur,Worried and would like someone with the power of logic to help.,0,help-seeking,1,"I know this may seem miniscule, so I apologize ahead of time. Im a 25 year old male and Inrecently met an amazing woman. I dont go out anymore but the girl that I have feelings for goes out still. Thats fine since we havent known hung out for long and she is a really busy person with work already. Last night was NYE and I havent heard from her since before 8pm. Im just worried that something might have happened. Usually we message more than this. Can somebody please just tell me it will be okay. I had a terrible dream and woke up sad and worried.",killdill12,1,0,3,2020-01-01 16:46:54,Anxiety,"I know this may seem miniscule, so I apologize ahead of time. Im a 25 year old male and Inrecently met an amazing woman. I dont go out anymore but the girl that I have feelings for goes out still. Thats fine since we havent known hung out for long and she is a really busy person with work already. Last night was NYE and I havent heard from her since before 8pm. Im just worried that something might have happened. Usually we message more than this. Can somebody please just tell me it will be okay. I had a terrible dream and woke up sad and worried.",2,2,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you get reassurance,,True,221 fpx0mo,24 y/o I think I will be alone forever. Ugly and short and chunky.,1a,rant,1,"Im so sick and tired of being unhappy and lonely I have not made any new friends or anyone after college. I use to have my groups and I’m not afraid of girls. I just dont know the exact way t get them. I dont even care if someone is heavy but if there pretty it doesnt bother me. I dont know how to lose the weight and stick to it. I just dont want to be alone anymore and im tired of it. How did any of you lose the weight and finally get women? Even if your 5’4 like me and if you dont think im ugly ill prove it to You here ya go Instagram: adamsonaquest",AdAmsonaquest,1,0,11,2020-03-27 13:34:24,getting_over_it,Im so sick and tired of being unhappy and lonely I have not made any new friends or anyone after college. I use to have my groups and I’m not afraid of girls. I just dont know the exact way t get them. I dont even care if someone is heavy but if there pretty it doesnt bother me. I dont know how to lose the weight and stick to it. I just dont want to be alone anymore and im tired of it. How did any of you lose the weight and finally get women? Even if your 5’4 like me and if you dont think im ugly ill prove it to You here ya go Instagram: adamsonaquest,2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eil3m2,Comics,0,chitchat,2,"Imagine having a comic book about a neurologically diverse super hero team and their quest against evil and their willingness to do good regardless of disabilities. They'd have characters without superpowers, but who use their neuro diverse brains to solve mysteries, fight evil and look badass. They'd have characters with ADD/ADHD, Dyslexia, OCD, DID, bipolar, Autism and more; the inclusion of physically differentiated characters who may have say, Down syndrome would also make things awesome. This'd show people to work hard and focus on their strengths, but build their weaknesses and it'd also show how all problems can be solved regardless of whatever type brain or body you have, thus showing people the importance of positive self image and more. This is an amazing idea, all we need are creative minds to make it happen.",Auth3ntic1ty,1,0,0,2020-01-01 17:44:51,ADHD,"Imagine having a comic book about a neurologically diverse super hero team and their quest against evil and their willingness to do good regardless of disabilities. They'd have characters without superpowers, but who use their neuro diverse brains to solve mysteries, fight evil and look badass. They'd have characters with ADD/ADHD, Dyslexia, OCD, DID, bipolar, Autism and more; the inclusion of physically differentiated characters who may have say, Down syndrome would also make things awesome. This'd show people to work hard and focus on their strengths, but build their weaknesses and it'd also show how all problems can be solved regardless of whatever type brain or body you have, thus showing people the importance of positive self image and more. This is an amazing idea, all we need are creative minds to make it happen.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 elmu7o,HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS BOOK- short collection of poetry but it’s very good.,0,chitchat,1,,n0tcharmed,1,0,0,2020-01-08 03:22:53,mentalillness,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 epx17v,Starving so bad for an emotional connection,1a,rant,1," Lately and my name is excellent I don’t exist. It doesn’t matter where we are or what we’re talking about, he hardly ever even acknowledges that I’m talking. I have to get loud and repeat it 5 times. I just want to be heard. Feel like I matter. I’m contemplating having an emotional affair. No judgement : that’s a big deal for me. I’m so depressed.",lynzilee1,1,0,4,2020-01-17 07:10:45,getting_over_it," Lately and my name is excellent I don’t exist. It doesn’t matter where we are or what we’re talking about, he hardly ever even acknowledges that I’m talking. I have to get loud and repeat it 5 times. I just want to be heard. Feel like I matter. I’m contemplating having an emotional affair. No judgement : that’s a big deal for me. I’m so depressed.",1,1,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you are not being acknowledged,Can you elaborate more on X ?,the emotional disconnect make you feel,,,,True,112 eixf0x,Im so ashamed,1b,rant,2,"My stepmother have BPD, and have been violent towards my father for years. And I mean she physically hurt him very hard and he always lied about it and was ashamed. She was paranoid, thought he was unfaithful, she didn't have a job so she was mostly just home on her computer doing god knows what. 2 months ago she was sure my dad cheated. He was not, and old friend from when he was a teenager took contact because she needed help with her dog. And my father is a profesjonal dog trainer at this breed. Since they where old friends and have not talked in 30 years they got good contact again, but there was no love. So my stepmother tried to kill my father a few months ago. And she manipulated my stepbrother to join in. My stepmother kicked and used knives while my stepbrother shocked him. My father managed to call 911 while he was attacked and just showed the phone away since he could not talk. My father felt he was about to die so he found a way to brake my stepbrothers knee, and ran and locked himself in the bathroom. &#x200B; The police took my stepmother, and my father has several evidence with hidden camera and audio uptake. He could just never take care of it before he was about to die... She is out of our life now and will face justice now in january And here am I. My father have been a few abusive relationship and I have never had a real mother. I myself is somewhere between avoidant and borderline. Im never aggressive towards other and shy highly away from conflict. But I harm my self and have borderline traits from that. I feel like I shouldn't be around my father since I have those traits and I don't want to hurt him. He need peace, and its rarely peace with me unless I'm full with Seroquel. I have PTSD from violent attack and rape too... I can understand his ptsd somehow, but only to a point. Its most empathy. And I hate to see him suffering like this. I didn't know about the abuse until this year, I'm an adult and live by my own. I have just never accepted any relationship to others, I want to be by myself... And I just want peace in my family.",ImpressiveHour,1,0,0,2020-01-02 12:02:49,BPD,"Im so ashamed My stepmother have BPD, and have been violent towards my father for years. And I mean she physically hurt him very hard and he always lied about it and was ashamed. She was paranoid, thought he was unfaithful, she didn't have a job so she was mostly just home on her computer doing god knows what. 2 months ago she was sure my dad cheated. He was not, and old friend from when he was a teenager took contact because she needed help with her dog. And my father is a profesjonal dog trainer at this breed. Since they where old friends and have not talked in 30 years they got good contact again, but there was no love. So my stepmother tried to kill my father a few months ago. And she manipulated my stepbrother to join in. My stepmother kicked and used knives while my stepbrother shocked him. My father managed to call 911 while he was attacked and just showed the phone away since he could not talk. My father felt he was about to die so he found a way to brake my stepbrothers knee, and ran and locked himself in the bathroom. &#x200B; The police took my stepmother, and my father has several evidence with hidden camera and audio uptake. He could just never take care of it before he was about to die... She is out of our life now and will face justice now in January And here am I. My father have been a few abusive relationship and I have never had a real mother. I myself is somewhere between avoidant and borderline. Im never aggressive towards other and shy highly away from conflict. But I harm my self and have borderline traits from that. I feel like I shouldn't be around my father since I have those traits and I don't want to hurt him. He need peace, and its rarely peace with me unless I'm full with Seroquel. I have PTSD from violent attack and rape too... I can understand his ptsd somehow, but only to a point. Its most empathy. And I hate to see him suffering like this. I didn't know about the abuse until this year, I'm an adult and live by my own. I have just never accepted any relationship to others, I want to be by myself... And I just want peace in my family.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 elei0q,This is kind of what I'm thinking right now..,0,rant,1,,Ruup_Cinacchi,1,0,2,2020-01-07 17:21:13,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ep08w9,"New father, waking up every night thinking I've lost or suffocated my baby in the bed",1a,survey,1,"So I'm a father for 3 months now and I have this thing that happens every single night since we brought my baby home, where I ""half wake up"" in panic in the middle of the night, madly patting my pillow searching for my daughter, sometimes mistaking the pillow for her lifeless corpse or thinking that I might have rolled over her and suffocated her. Its genuinely terrifying, and usually lasts about 2 min before I understand she's in her bed like every other night. We've only put her on our bed a couple of times since she's born, and never more than a few minutes and with awake supervision of one of us, yet this keeps happening every night. Does anyone else ever experienced this ? How long does it lasts ?",aaanze,1,0,6,2020-01-15 09:40:57,selfhelp,"So I'm a father for 3 months now and I have this thing that happens every single night since we brought my baby home, where I ""half wake up"" in panic in the middle of the night, madly patting my pillow searching for my daughter, sometimes mistaking the pillow for her lifeless corpse or thinking that I might have rolled over her and suffocated her. Its genuinely terrifying, and usually lasts about 2 min before I understand she's in her bed like every other night. We've only put her on our bed a couple of times since she's born, and never more than a few minutes and with awake supervision of one of us, yet this keeps happening every night. Does anyone else ever experienced this ? How long does it lasts ?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ei8x8c,If You Play This Song at 11:58:50 on New Year’s Eve,0,chitchat,1,"You will hear “I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me” at 12:00 exactly. Happy New Year’s, everyone. Here’s to a less miserable 2020. https://youtu.be/eetIgGXH6DA",Just_One_Umami,1,0,0,2019-12-31 21:12:42,depression,"You will hear “I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me” at 12:00 exactly. Happy New Year’s, everyone. Here’s to a less miserable 2020. https://youtu.be/eetIgGXH6DA",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,suicidal,True,000 en2ehw,"Avoiding Thought - We have to admit it, we fucked up.",1b,help-seeking,3,"Thought is challenging, and change is scary. We're afraid of change because it can surface insecurities, highlight our wrong decisions, and potentially distance us from the crowd. But without thought, deep introspection, of what we want in our life, we cannot change. There are forces against us changing, entities that want us to remain the same. Society won't let us change unless we force ourselves to do so. It wants us to stay the same as we were, and the same as everyone else – docile workers who do the same shit year in year out. Change is bad for society because when we change, we realize that what we were doing before was wrong, and that can include our work, spending, and general living style. I know people who have undergone spiritual, even practical, change who have quit their jobs, and moved onto other endeavors. Imagine if everyone, or even a higher percentage of people, quit their jobs because of a personal change. Society can't let the personal needs of the people affect the collective – it is utilitarianism in disguise. But, shhhhhhh… you're not meant to talk about that. It is unwritten, but no doubt, a social norm, and heavily enforced. When people opt out and take a different path from the crowd, they are ostracised – mostly to the individual's expectations. Someone who is different upsets the social order that we have been conditioned to accept and defend. It is hard for the majority to sit down and take the time to think about their existence. Life is so busy, repressed, and distracting that the best that most can do is work and rest. There is no other alternative for some people. This world is hard, and even in Western society, it is difficult to survive for the majority. So many are two or three wrong decisions away from homelessness. So many are living paycheck to paycheck. So many are in debt and further racking up credit card debt. And companies are tightening their spending. And people are being made redundant. And families cannot survive on a single parent income, let alone own a home. So how can a person stop and think when these problems persist? The answer to that is that you have no choice. You have to stop and think. Survival is still a driving force in modern society. You have to be willing to change your situation, for the better, at any given moment. This includes the introspection of your life and what you want to accomplish. This is the uncomfortable part, before the other uncomfortable part, action, and change. We must accept the wrong decisions of the past. We must take responsibility for the decisions that have got us in this mess. We must admit that we fucked up. This is the first step on the journey to success. And I hear the people speak up, ""How can we change when it's the system that's the problem."" And, I agree. The system is, no doubt, the problem. I admit that openly and have no issue arguing for that claim. We live in a system controlled by the rich, where governments meet their every desire. We live in a system where governments cannot be trusted and go against every promise they make. We live in a system where the people, seemingly, have no voice to influence the collective - our votes and suggestions rarely change society. But there are two factors at play here: the things we can control and the things we can't. We cannot control how our system is run, but we can control our own decisions, although some may be limited, within that system. Society provides us with an index of decisions that we can make, and they are all confined within that society. This is how it works, and no doubt, some decisions, and some societies are better than others by the quality of what they offer. For example, in the West, we can choose to study or not, especially with the benefit of HEX debt. I have had to work fulltime and study online at night to get my qualifications, and we all know people who have. It has benefitted my life and opened up more options. We can choose to have kids a little bit later on, in order to establish a substantial financial and educational basis before starting a family. We can choose to take school seriously and get good grades. We can choose to hang around people who will not negatively influence us. We can choose to make plans for the future. We can choose to upskill ourselves and move jobs. We can choose what we spend our money on. We can choose to be respectful people. We can choose to wear a contraceptive. We can choose what we eat. We can choose how we respond. Now I'm not saying that these choices are easy or possible for some people. But they may be possible in the future, or they may be possible with some work beforehand. We forget that we, the people, have the power. These big educational institutions want us to go there and study; that's how they make money. These are all options, and although they may be difficult, they are still there for us to make. If we don't do this, the alternative will be worse than the pain of change and action. This was what the good old days were about: individual liberty for all. That is what we all sign up to. That is the highest ideal for a nation. We still have that choice. It doesn't look like it used to, and that is another discussion, but we can still make choices for ourselves. Now there are mechanisms put in place to hold us back, to siphon money from us, to keep us dependent, to keep us uneducated, to keep us repeating the same mistakes, but they also are choices. Two choices: one for our empowerment, one for our enslavement. The choice is yours to introspect, to think, to plan, to act, to change. Our suffering is our creation. Yes, things can be unfair. But if we don't work to change that, then the unfairness will never change. Two options: 1. Change what you can, no matter how small, and keep on making changes for the better, and live in less suffering. 2. Don't change anything. Don't take responsibility for your life, and continue to live in the same suffering, or worse. Start thinking and start changing. The Employed Moth",TheEmployedMoth,1,0,2,2020-01-11 03:53:44,selfhelp,"Thought is challenging, and change is scary. We're afraid of change because it can surface insecurities, highlight our wrong decisions, and potentially distance us from the crowd. But without thought, deep introspection, of what we want in our life, we cannot change. There are forces against us changing, entities that want us to remain the same. Society won't let us change unless we force ourselves to do so. It wants us to stay the same as we were, and the same as everyone else – docile workers who do the same shit year in year out. Change is bad for society because when we change, we realize that what we were doing before was wrong, and that can include our work, spending, and general living style. I know people who have undergone spiritual, even practical, change who have quit their jobs, and moved onto other endeavors. Imagine if everyone, or even a higher percentage of people, quit their jobs because of a personal change. Society can't let the personal needs of the people affect the collective – it is utilitarianism in disguise. But, shhhhhhh… you're not meant to talk about that. It is unwritten, but no doubt, a social norm, and heavily enforced. When people opt out and take a different path from the crowd, they are ostracised – mostly to the individual's expectations. Someone who is different upsets the social order that we have been conditioned to accept and defend. It is hard for the majority to sit down and take the time to think about their existence. Life is so busy, repressed, and distracting that the best that most can do is work and rest. There is no other alternative for some people. This world is hard, and even in Western society, it is difficult to survive for the majority. So many are two or three wrong decisions away from homelessness. So many are living paycheck to paycheck. So many are in debt and further racking up credit card debt. And companies are tightening their spending. And people are being made redundant. And families cannot survive on a single parent income, let alone own a home. So how can a person stop and think when these problems persist? The answer to that is that you have no choice. You have to stop and think. Survival is still a driving force in modern society. You have to be willing to change your situation, for the better, at any given moment. This includes the introspection of your life and what you want to accomplish. This is the uncomfortable part, before the other uncomfortable part, action, and change. We must accept the wrong decisions of the past. We must take responsibility for the decisions that have got us in this mess. We must admit that we fucked up. This is the first step on the journey to success. And I hear the people speak up, ""How can we change when it's the system that's the problem."" And, I agree. The system is, no doubt, the problem. I admit that openly and have no issue arguing for that claim. We live in a system controlled by the rich, where governments meet their every desire. We live in a system where governments cannot be trusted and go against every promise they make. We live in a system where the people, seemingly, have no voice to influence the collective - our votes and suggestions rarely change society. But there are two factors at play here: the things we can control and the things we can't. We cannot control how our system is run, but we can control our own decisions, although some may be limited, within that system. Society provides us with an index of decisions that we can make, and they are all confined within that society. This is how it works, and no doubt, some decisions, and some societies are better than others by the quality of what they offer. For example, in the West, we can choose to study or not, especially with the benefit of HEX debt. I have had to work fulltime and study online at night to get my qualifications, and we all know people who have. It has benefitted my life and opened up more options. We can choose to have kids a little bit later on, in order to establish a substantial financial and educational basis before starting a family. We can choose to take school seriously and get good grades. We can choose to hang around people who will not negatively influence us. We can choose to make plans for the future. We can choose to upskill ourselves and move jobs. We can choose what we spend our money on. We can choose to be respectful people. We can choose to wear a contraceptive. We can choose what we eat. We can choose how we respond. Now I'm not saying that these choices are easy or possible for some people. But they may be possible in the future, or they may be possible with some work beforehand. We forget that we, the people, have the power. These big educational institutions want us to go there and study; that's how they make money. These are all options, and although they may be difficult, they are still there for us to make. If we don't do this, the alternative will be worse than the pain of change and action. This was what the good old days were about: individual liberty for all. That is what we all sign up to. That is the highest ideal for a nation. We still have that choice. It doesn't look like it used to, and that is another discussion, but we can still make choices for ourselves. Now there are mechanisms put in place to hold us back, to siphon money from us, to keep us dependent, to keep us uneducated, to keep us repeating the same mistakes, but they also are choices. Two choices: one for our empowerment, one for our enslavement. The choice is yours to introspect, to think, to plan, to act, to change. Our suffering is our creation. Yes, things can be unfair. But if we don't work to change that, then the unfairness will never change. Two options: 1. Change what you can, no matter how small, and keep on making changes for the better, and live in less suffering. 2. Don't change anything. Don't take responsibility for your life, and continue to live in the same suffering, or worse. Start thinking and start changing. The Employed Moth",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 ej8u6f,Feeling pathetic,1a,rant,1,"Rant. The new year barely started, and I fucking relapsed. I’ve been clean for over 2 years. I mean, *was.* Haha, fuck New Years resolutions, amiright. I wish I never began doing this about a decade ago. I hate myself. I know I shouldn’t, but it’s a terrible addicting negative coping mechanism. On the bright side, it’s the first time I tried cleaning and disinfecting the cuts. As I was crying before cutting, my old faded scars were taunting me. I knew what I was doing, but I had no will to stop myself from hurting myself. It’s a shitty repetitive cycle. I hate myself. I’m fucking pathetic. I wish I could stop the pain. I’m so tired.",sadbokchoy,2,0,3,2020-01-03 02:39:29,selfharm,"Rant. The new year barely started, and I fucking relapsed. I’ve been clean for over 2 years. I mean, *was.* Haha, fuck New Years resolutions, amiright. I wish I never began doing this about a decade ago. I hate myself. I know I shouldn’t, but it’s a terrible addicting negative coping mechanism. On the bright side, it’s the first time I tried cleaning and disinfecting the cuts. As I was crying before cutting, my old faded scars were taunting me. I knew what I was doing, but I had no will to stop myself from hurting myself. It’s a shitty repetitive cycle. I hate myself. I’m fucking pathetic. I wish I could stop the pain. I’m so tired.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you stop harming yourself,,True,221 f5ic94,Proving abuse in court,1b,help-seeking,2,"The court will not believe abuse against me or the children. CPS has been called numerous times but could not substantiate (were willing to say off the record they believed us, but needed to meet a certain standard). The judge cannot see it and won't talk to even the teenager who was abused the most. I have photos of bruises (they say photoshopped). I have videos of the kids talking about being abused (inadmissible because the court will not allow the children to testify). I have notes from the children and pictures (also inadmissible). One child was molested while my ex was in the room (I have photos of the room and the molester is serving a three year sentence; they say it wasn't my ex so it doesn't matter). I have doctor's notes that the children have come home dehydrated and without food (doctors are very expensive to call to court, so this is currently inadmissible). I have friends they've talked to about it (but it's seen as ""biased""). The same is true for my abuse. One of my children's therapists will testify they have been abused; the other children are not allowed therapy because my ex shares custody and will only permit therapy if my ex is present in the room. Many of the ""professionals"" involved won't believe even that I was abused, let alone the children, and I have journals, death threats written in my ex's handwriting, photographs, people willing to testify. Nobody cares, and, if they did, violence against a spouse doesn't seem to matter. Now my ex is abusing the children, including over-identifying my oldest as the same as myself. My ex goes to court and testifies that my oldest is psychotic, needs serious mental health help, and cannot be trusted. And court seems to believe it, even over the testimony of her therapist! How do you successfully overcome this? I have grounds for appeal, but will need to wait to permanent custody; this has drawn out for years at the serious detriment of the children.",TiamatsRage,1,0,0,2020-02-17 23:59:05,domesticviolence,"The court will not believe abuse against me or the children. CPS has been called numerous times but could not substantiate (were willing to say off the record they believed us, but needed to meet a certain standard). The judge cannot see it and won't talk to even the teenager who was abused the most. I have photos of bruises (they say photoshopped). I have videos of the kids talking about being abused (inadmissible because the court will not allow the children to testify). I have notes from the children and pictures (also inadmissible). One child was molested while my ex was in the room (I have photos of the room and the molester is serving a three year sentence; they say it wasn't my ex so it doesn't matter). I have doctor's notes that the children have come home dehydrated and without food (doctors are very expensive to call to court, so this is currently inadmissible). I have friends they've talked to about it (but it's seen as ""biased""). The same is true for my abuse. One of my children's therapists will testify they have been abused; the other children are not allowed therapy because my ex shares custody and will only permit therapy if my ex is present in the room. Many of the ""professionals"" involved won't believe even that I was abused, let alone the children, and I have journals, death threats written in my ex's handwriting, photographs, people willing to testify. Nobody cares, and, if they did, violence against a spouse doesn't seem to matter. Now my ex is abusing the children, including over-identifying my oldest as the same as myself. My ex goes to court and testifies that my oldest is psychotic, needs serious mental health help, and cannot be trusted. And court seems to believe it, even over the testimony of her therapist! How do you successfully overcome this? I have grounds for appeal, but will need to wait to permanent custody; this has drawn out for years at the serious detriment of the children.",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,the court not believing you,,,,True,202 fddux6,Life is getting to be too much,1b,rant,1,"Feels like life is trying to tear me apart mentally and physically. My car got in an accident that I can barely afford. And since it’s old, finding parts to fix it is taking forever. My relationship with my girlfriend feels like it’s falling apart. Job is cutting hours. My diabetes symptoms are getting worse in that I can’t even lie down after work without nerve pain torturing me and digestion issues working together in some unholy union to make sure I get zero sleep. I’m expecting life to throw more crap my way, it always seems to. But I’m finding fewer and fewer reasons and motivation to put up with it anymore. I’ve been depressed and suicidal before, but I’ve never felt life just push so hard. I do t know what I’m expecting posting here, but I appreciate you reading at least.",BlueBlood75,1,0,4,2020-03-04 14:35:36,getting_over_it,"Feels like life is trying to tear me apart mentally and physically. My car got in an accident that I can barely afford. And since it’s old, finding parts to fix it is taking forever. My relationship with my girlfriend feels like it’s falling apart. Job is cutting hours. My diabetes symptoms are getting worse. I can’t even lie down after work without nerve pain torturing me and digestion issues working together in some unholy union to make sure I get zero sleep. I’m expecting life to throw more crap my way, it always seems to. But I’m finding fewer and fewer reasons and motivation to put up with it anymore. I’ve been depressed and suicidal before, but I’ve never felt life just push so hard. I do t know what I’m expecting posting here, but I appreciate you reading at least.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel life is tearing you apart mentally and physically,,True,220 eicg9n,I'm really struggling,1b,rant,2,"So I don't know how to start things like this, So I'll start with basics. I'm 16yo, diagnosed depression at 14yo. Since then, my life is total mess. I've already been to two different psychologists, both of them said that i'm kind of unfixable, but that might be due to my young age. Why People that are supposed to help me, say things like that?! Since start of 2019, my life got even worse. My family, on outside, caring and loving, but inside, unthoughtful. All of my friends are fake, all of them try to take adventage of my current problems. I had a gf, she was really cute and loving, but she started ignoring me since christmas, today she broke up with me. My classmates don't care about me, and some of them wish me death. You might think, ""well, it isn't that bad, deal with it kid"", but thats really hard for me. My parents think that it's all fake, also they said that i Just do it, because i want some attencion. After my 1st suicide attempt, they said that I've gone too far with my ""Attention whore"" attitude. I've already had 6 suicide attempts, all of them ended up with getting yelled at by family and friends. Nobody really cared that i would Be gone, they were more afraid of going to court to give some reasons why i would do that, than me being dead. Also they said that it would bring them bad reputation. I'm feeling worthless, useless and i think that World would Be much better place without me... Now I'm Just a crying mess without any support and without any will to live. If you survived this story, thank you. I Just need to write about it, maybe it Will help me a bit. (Sorry for my bad English, I'm still learning)",SmileKnight666,1,0,0,2020-01-01 02:03:32,depression,"So I don't know how to start things like this, So I'll start with basics. I'm 16yo, diagnosed depression at 14yo. Since then, my life is total mess. I've already been to two different psychologists, both of them said that i'm kind of unfixable, but that might be due to my young age. Why People that are supposed to help me, say things like that?! Since start of 2019, my life got even worse. My family, on outside, caring and loving, but inside, unthoughtful. All of my friends are fake, all of them try to take adventage of my current problems. I had a gf, she was really cute and loving, but she started ignoring me since christmas, today she broke up with me. My classmates don't care about me, and some of them wish me death. You might think, ""well, it isn't that bad, deal with it kid"", but thats really hard for me. My parents think that it's all fake, also they said that i Just do it, because i want some attencion. After my 1st suicide attempt, they said that I've gone too far with my ""Attention whore"" attitude. I've already had 6 suicide attempts, all of them ended up with getting yelled at by family and friends. Nobody really cared that i would Be gone, they were more afraid of going to court to give some reasons why i would do that, than me being dead. Also they said that it would bring them bad reputation. I'm feeling worthless, useless and i think that World would Be much better place without me... Now I'm Just a crying mess without any support and without any will to live. If you survived this story, thank you. I Just need to write about it, maybe it Will help me a bit. (Sorry for my bad English, I'm still learning)",2,2,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you overcome your depression,,True,221 ewyqvv,30+ years and still haunted...,1b,rant,2,"My paternal grandparents raised me after my father died. I was 6 years old. My uncle, about 7 years my senior raped (no hymen break) me from age 6- 8. I was little and didn't understand, but it went on without their knowledge. One day he was caught when he was trying to sit me down on his penis... It was addressed only between my uncle and grandparents and I was told about the ""private parts"" no one should touch. After that, it was never discussed. The forbidden topic no one ever shared with the rest of the family, friends, or police. Ever. This was over 30 years ago. Today, my uncle and I have a great relationship. Nothing was ever repeated with action or verbally... we're actually pretty close despite living in different states. He is helping support my grandmother, living with her and taking care of her. She talks about how wonderful he is all the time, sacrificing everything to help make her life easier. I hear it all the time. The other weekend, my niece (by marriage) came out about how she had been raped. It had become a discussion between her, a friend, and myself, trying to give support since all 3 of us had been in this situation. But I couldn't get myself to tell my story. I somehow felt like it was wrong to talk about it (hmmm wonder why?) and I began thinking how absolutely fucked up the entire situation was. I've never noticed it before, but my uncle, the Golden Child who was seemingly the favorite at least in my adult life, had raped me and no one even thinks about this. When my father passed, everyone was worried about how I'd handle it and everyone overlooked my uncle. Grandma always felt so bad about that. But here I am today, reliving this because it was brought up in conversation but it's like it never happened??? I'm so angry and feel so broken because my rape was ignored. If you made it through this... thank you.",samathes,1,0,0,2020-02-01 01:37:51,rapecounseling,"My paternal grandparents raised me after my father died. I was 6 years old. My uncle, about 7 years my senior raped (no hymen break) me from age 6- 8. I was little and didn't understand, but it went on without their knowledge. One day he was caught when he was trying to sit me down on his penis... It was addressed only between my uncle and grandparents and I was told about the ""private parts"" no one should touch. After that, it was never discussed. The forbidden topic no one ever shared with the rest of the family, friends, or police. Ever. This was over 30 years ago. Today, my uncle and I have a great relationship. Nothing was ever repeated with action or verbally... we're actually pretty close despite living in different states. He is helping support my grandmother, living with her and taking care of her. She talks about how wonderful he is all the time, sacrificing everything to help make her life easier. I hear it all the time. The other weekend, my niece (by marriage) came out about how she had been raped. It had become a discussion between her, a friend, and myself, trying to give support since all 3 of us had been in this situation. But I couldn't get myself to tell my story. I somehow felt like it was wrong to talk about it (hmmm wonder why?) and I began thinking how absolutely fucked up the entire situation was. I've never noticed it before, but my uncle, the Golden Child who was seemingly the favorite at least in my adult life, had raped me and no one even thinks about this. When my father passed, everyone was worried about how I'd handle it and everyone overlooked my uncle. Grandma always felt so bad about that. But here I am today, reliving this because it was brought up in conversation but it's like it never happened??? I'm so angry and feel so broken because my rape was ignored. If you made it through this... thank you.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel so angry and broken about the incident,,True,220 ekng9d,Opened up to my bf,0,chitchat,1,"I told my boyfriend about me being a system (I have osdd) he’s really supportive. I’m actually really happy right now because he completely understood. :))) He’s amazing!",ewwhoisluke,1,0,6,2020-01-06 02:37:55,mentalillness,I told my boyfriend about me being a system (I have osdd) he’s really supportive. I’m actually really happy right now because he completely understood. :))) He’s amazing!,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 eo1nkd,Leaving this sub-reddit,0,chitchat,1,"It's been over two week clean for me and I decided to leave this sub-reddit. All it does is make me think about dope. As long as I don't go on reddit, I am pretty strong and determinded. So I guess it's good-bye and thanks for all the moral support. One day when I'll be 100% over it, I will come back and give back to the community by supporting others who are at that point in life where I was last year. For for now, keep your triggers to yourself.",MrMolo,1,0,23,2020-01-13 08:55:18,OpiatesRecovery,"It's been over two week clean for me and I decided to leave this sub-reddit. All it does is make me think about dope. As long as I don't go on reddit, I am pretty strong and determinded. So I guess it's good-bye and thanks for all the moral support. One day when I'll be 100% over it, I will come back and give back to the community by supporting others who are at that point in life where I was last year. For for now, keep your triggers to yourself.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ei9pzd,"To start the year off good, what is ur best tip for helping reduce your anxiety?",0,survey,1,"Who knows, it might help someone? Doesnt matter if it's stupid or smart, big or small, what helps you? Mine is picking something I'm anxious about once a week and giving myself 7 days to do it.. and only focus on that, it helps me mentally in the way ""you have done it before, you can do it again"".. A lot of the time I do it on the seventh day and give six days hyping myself up, some days I'm busy and it takes 8, but I always try to do it in seven.. This week it was coffee, by myself in a coffeeshop.. i was a mess doing it, thought everyone was looking at me drinking a cup of coffee by myself.. heart was beating out my chest.. once i finished my coffee i made myself wait an extra 10mins before i left.. I did it though!! So what do you do to help your anxiety?",beardedwolf93,1,0,8,2019-12-31 22:16:59,Anxiety,"Who knows, it might help someone? Doesnt matter if it's stupid or smart, big or small, what helps you? Mine is picking something I'm anxious about once a week and giving myself 7 days to do it.. and only focus on that, it helps me mentally in the way ""you have done it before, you can do it again"".. A lot of the time I do it on the seventh day and give six days hyping myself up, some days I'm busy and it takes 8, but I always try to do it in seven.. This week it was coffee, by myself in a coffeeshop.. i was a mess doing it, thought everyone was looking at me drinking a cup of coffee by myself.. heart was beating out my chest.. once i finished my coffee i made myself wait an extra 10mins before i left.. I did it though!! So what do you do to help your anxiety?",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 ej201z,Reaching out to someone I treated poorly and ignored to go and get far too involved in an unhealthy relationship with someone less mentally stable than me went about as well as it sounds like it would,1a,rant,2,"I fucked up, I lost a friend, I’m struggling to stay friends with the few who remain, but at least I can still tell the future with perfect accuracy. I think Crywank put it best “You’ll be left feeling used once you find out I’m a leech. I’ve taken all you can give and now I will up and leave. No shame or dignity left in me as I scout out brand new friends. To invade with my dependence and let it start again” I’m trying to break the cycle, by trying to save friendships instead of running away and finding new ones. But sadly I think trying (and failing) to break the cycle is part of the cycle. I mean, who the hell is going to forgive me after all I’ve done. I become close, I leech off them, I take what care and reassurance they can give, i feel abandoned or ignored when it’s not enough, I start causing issues to test if they hate me, it’s too late, either they leave or I run away. I fucking hate it, and I’m embarrassed by myself for still being stuck in the loop. Sorry, bit of a rant, and I went off topic. Again, sorry",ProtoSheep0,6,0,2,2020-01-02 18:27:45,BPD,"Reaching out to someone I treated poorly and ignored to go and get far too involved in an unhealthy relationship with someone less mentally stable than me went about as well as it sounds like it would I fucked up, I lost a friend, I’m struggling to stay friends with the few who remain, but at least I can still tell the future with perfect accuracy. I think Crywank put it best “You’ll be left feeling used once you find out I’m a leech. I’ve taken all you can give and now I will up and leave. No shame or dignity left in me as I scout out brand new friends. To invade with my dependence and let it start again” I’m trying to break the cycle, by trying to save friendships instead of running away and finding new ones. But sadly I think trying (and failing) to break the cycle is part of the cycle. I mean, who the hell is going to forgive me after all I’ve done. I become close, I leech off them, I take what care and reassurance they can give, i feel abandoned or ignored when it’s not enough, I start causing issues to test if they hate me, it’s too late, either they leave or I run away. I fucking hate it, and I’m embarrassed by myself for still being stuck in the loop. Sorry, bit of a rant, and I went off topic. Again, sorry",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unable to save your friendships,,True,220 euso9z,"Hi everyone, I’m currently undergoing a university assignment to do with ‘how far can children be said to be affected by domestic violence?’ I would really appreciate hearing off anyone who has been a victim of domestic violence as a child and would be willing to talk to me about their experiences.",0,survey,2,"I understand that this is a very sensitive topic area, so I’m obviously offering anonymity to anyone who gets in touch with me. Feel free to Dm me if you would rather speak privately. I wish to write a report that clearly highlights the extent that domestic violence has on a person growing up and so it would really help to hear someone’s experience and thoughts on the matter. Thank you very much for reading",TailTooth,1,0,2,2020-01-27 19:11:04,domesticviolence,"I understand that this is a very sensitive topic area, so I’m obviously offering anonymity to anyone who gets in touch with me. Feel free to Dm me if you would rather speak privately. I wish to write a report that clearly highlights the extent that domestic violence has on a person growing up and so it would really help to hear someone’s experience and thoughts on the matter. Thank you very much for reading",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 enkemd,Constant Deja Vu is driving me insane,1a,help-seeking,1,"I'm pretty sure I've reached the lowest point I've ever been at mentally in my life. I feel as if I'm stuck in a time loop and I've currently experienced everything I've done in the passed 2 weeks over again down to conversations, my own thoughts, and emotions/actions. I have had major anxiety and depression for 2 years now and have not been medicated. Has anyone ever experienced similar symptoms to where they think they are reliving the same days over again due to trauma/anxiety. I really think I am losing my mind this time and any type of suggestion someone could give me would be greatly appreciated. It's extremely difficult to process.",csteezy23,1,0,10,2020-01-12 07:06:45,selfhelp,"I'm pretty sure I've reached the lowest point I've ever been at mentally in my life. I feel as if I'm stuck in a time loop and I've currently experienced everything I've done in the passed 2 weeks over again down to conversations, my own thoughts, and emotions/actions. I have had major anxiety and depression for 2 years now and have not been medicated. Has anyone ever experienced similar symptoms to where they think they are reliving the same days over again due to trauma/anxiety. I really think I am losing my mind this time and any type of suggestion someone could give me would be greatly appreciated. It's extremely difficult to process.",2,1,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what caused the anxiety and depression,,,,True,212 ei9zjk,Diagnosis,1a,help-seeking,1,"Hi I am wondering if I should visit a doctor to see if I have ADHD. I have trouble studying for long periods of time (I can’t sit and read for 30+ min without doing something else). It’s not that I am not motivated to study but I noticed that very enjoyable things like playing video games or TV I don’t have that problem. I also have that problem when I work out. A 1 hour workout takes me 2 hours despite being motivated to exercise",Adv1sable,1,0,6,2019-12-31 22:38:24,ADHD,Hi I am wondering if I should visit a doctor to see if I have ADHD. I have trouble studying for long periods of time (I can’t sit and read for 30+ min without doing something else). It’s not that I am not motivated to study but I noticed that very enjoyable things like playing video games or TV I don’t have that problem. I also have that problem when I work out. A 1 hour workout takes me 2 hours despite being motivated to exercise,2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,the lack of focus,,,,True,202 el739i,How do you get over rumination?,1a,help-seeking,1,"Hi there! 27 years old male here, diagnosed with mdd 3 years ago but struggled with a milder form of depression probably most of my life. My question is: what is the best way to get over rumination? Rumination manifests itself in my mind in thoughts like: ""I'm the biggest loser in the world, I fail at almost everything, how could I be so dumb in my past? I can't heal the past so I have to commit suicide, why did I did this awful thing for so long in my past? Why can't I seem to change, it's too late for me"" and so on. A lot of deep regret, shame, hopelessness and helplessness is ingrained in me. These thoughts don't just feel like thoughts, but they feel almost physical, like I can pull them out of my skull and show you how true they are! I know that physical exercise helps, yet I've been fairly inconsistent with it. What do you guys do? Occupy yourself with hobbies or something else?",Milficedcoffee,1,0,3,2020-01-07 05:37:21,getting_over_it,"Hi there! 27 years old male here, diagnosed with mdd 3 years ago but struggled with a milder form of depression probably most of my life. My question is: what is the best way to get over rumination? Rumination manifests itself in my mind in thoughts like: ""I'm the biggest loser in the world, I fail at almost everything, how could I be so dumb in my past? I can't heal the past so I have to commit suicide, why did I did this awful thing for so long in my past? Why can't I seem to change, it's too late for me"" and so on. A lot of deep regret, shame, hopelessness and helplessness is ingrained in me. These thoughts don't just feel like thoughts, but they feel almost physical, like I can pull them out of my skull and show you how true they are! I know that physical exercise helps, yet I've been fairly inconsistent with it. What do you guys do? Occupy yourself with hobbies or something else?",2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how the pessimistic thoughts make you feel,,,,True,212 ei8rmj,Hopefully 2020 will be more satisfying,0,rant,1,"Been depressed for many years now NEET for 5 years in Feb Started working out in July Helps cope a bit and gives a purpose Wanna get big and then die one day because i don't wanna work, will give it my best this year!!",Naman97,1,0,2,2019-12-31 21:00:20,depression,"Been depressed for many years now NEET for 5 years in Feb Started working out in July Helps cope a bit and gives a purpose Wanna get big and then die one day because i don't wanna work, will give it my best this year!!",1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you are depressed,How did X make you feel?,depression,What do you need help with now that X?,you are depressed for so long,suicidal,True,100 ejlldf,"I've recently started recording my voice, and oddly enough it's helping my SA.",1a,chitchat,1,"Got a recorder/sampler for Christmas because I'm a music producer, but I've just been going on rants about whatever on my way to work. Surprisingly enough, I can feel myself becoming more comfortable in situations where people can hear what I'm saying. It was super awkward and uncomfortable at first. I couldn't even string a couple sentences together knowing this thing was constantly recording me. AND That's when I realized... social anxiety is ultimately rooted in trying to control the way you are recorded by others. Learning to talk freely to something that records your every word is very similar to learning how to talk freely to people (who are doing that exact same thing). Just wanted to mention this incase anyone is feeling like theyre out of options. Seems to be working for me. Thanks for reading!",Eatroots,7,0,7,2020-01-03 20:55:03,socialanxiety,"Got a recorder/sampler for Christmas because I'm a music producer, but I've just been going on rants about whatever on my way to work. Surprisingly enough, I can feel myself becoming more comfortable in situations where people can hear what I'm saying. It was super awkward and uncomfortable at first. I couldn't even string a couple sentences together knowing this thing was constantly recording me. AND That's when I realized... social anxiety is ultimately rooted in trying to control the way you are recorded by others. Learning to talk freely to something that records your every word is very similar to learning how to talk freely to people (who are doing that exact same thing). Just wanted to mention this incase anyone is feeling like theyre out of options. Seems to be working for me. Thanks for reading!",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 eia13o,I'm so sick of people forcing their Religion on me. I'm Atheist and that's fine,1b,rant,1,"Literally stop, I don't force you to not believe in your God anymore. My whole fucking family, even some of my friends... I just feel uncomfortable everywhere and I just want to be accepted. There is no Heaven or Hell and it's funny when all my family tells me I'm going straight to Hell.",GREENBEAN214,1,0,15,2019-12-31 22:41:48,depression,"I'm so sick of people forcing their Religion on me. I'm Atheist and that's fine Literally stop, I don't force you to not believe in your God anymore. My whole fucking family, even some of my friends... I just feel uncomfortable everywhere and I just want to be accepted. There is no Heaven or Hell and it's funny when all my family tells me I'm going straight to Hell.",2,1,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel when others force religion on you,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel uncomfortable when people force religion on you,,True,210 eipkpi,I need entertain,0,help-seeking,1,Hello I used to play games like 247 then I started being super social and now games bore me so so much and literally being at home is so DULL. No one is hanging today and I am so bored and can’t think of anything to do and everything I try I just get so bored. What are some good activities I can do by myself pls I hate being bored it hurts,DoggieDesert6,1,0,1,2020-01-01 23:25:16,ADHD,Hello I used to play games like 247 then I started being super social and now games bore me so so much and literally being at home is so DULL. No one is hanging today and I am so bored and can’t think of anything to do and everything I try I just get so bored. What are some good activities I can do by myself pls I hate being bored it hurts,2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 elq2wk,How likely is an escalating war regarding trump?,0,help-seeking,1,I'm really out of touch with the news and what's going on in the world. What's going On?,cheese_monkey_92,1,0,9,2020-01-08 08:34:15,mentalillness,I'm really out of touch with the news and what's going on in the world. What's going On?,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 elb9ms,"PTSD and Long-Term Survivors of HIV / AIDS. ""Like soldiers returning from war, many of us who survived the 1980s and 1990s are reluctant to talk about those times"".",0,chitchat,2,"> Although great strides have been made researching the health implications of HIV/AIDS for long-term survivors (LTS), the main focus of these studies has been on physiological issues such as virologic and immunologic concerns, the long-term impact on immune function and other body systems, and HIV pathogenesis. **Largely absent from these studies is detailed, solution-focused research on the psychological impact of long-term survival, particularly post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).** >For LTS, trauma can include an HIV diagnosis at a time when that represented a ""death-sentence;"" a foreshortened sense of survival or even having a future; multiple losses of friends and family members (sometimes entire circles of friends); years of life-threatening illnesses and clinging to survival waiting for the next drug to be released; and rejection by families and friends due to the stigma of HIV/AIDS. https://www.thebodypro.com/article/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-and-long-term-survi",BlueAzzure,1,0,11,2020-01-07 13:01:31,ptsd,"> Although great strides have been made researching the health implications of HIV/AIDS for long-term survivors (LTS), the main focus of these studies has been on physiological issues such as virologic and immunologic concerns, the long-term impact on immune function and other body systems, and HIV pathogenesis. **Largely absent from these studies is detailed, solution-focused research on the psychological impact of long-term survival, particularly post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).** >For LTS, trauma can include an HIV diagnosis at a time when that represented a ""death-sentence;"" a foreshortened sense of survival or even having a future; multiple losses of friends and family members (sometimes entire circles of friends); years of life-threatening illnesses and clinging to survival waiting for the next drug to be released; and rejection by families and friends due to the stigma of HIV/AIDS. https://www.thebodypro.com/article/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-and-long-term-survi",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ejqv8v,Today I had to drive a cat hit by a car to a animal hospital but it was too late,0,rant,1,"When I was driving I came across something in the middle of the road, when I got closer I realized it was a cat and looked newly hit. I pulled over and went to the cat to see if it was still alive but I couldn’t tell... it was limp though and un responsive so I didn’t have too much hope. I took him in a jacket to the nearest pet hospital (sobbing the whole way cause I have my own cat and this cat did not appear to be a stray or feral) and when I got there the vet said he had most likely died on impact and had internal bleeding. They are going to see if the cat was microchipped but it didn’t have a collar I just hope he/she didn’t suffer. Just carrying the limp cat in my arms was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I just wish I could have saved her/him.",Ally_Cat19,5,0,4,2020-01-04 03:24:03,sad,"When I was driving I came across something in the middle of the road, when I got closer I realized it was a cat and looked newly hit. I pulled over and went to the cat to see if it was still alive but I couldn’t tell... it was limp though and un responsive so I didn’t have too much hope. I took him in a jacket to the nearest pet hospital (sobbing the whole way cause I have my own cat and this cat did not appear to be a stray or feral) and when I got there the vet said he had most likely died on impact and had internal bleeding. They are going to see if the cat was microchipped but it didn’t have a collar I just hope he/she didn’t suffer. Just carrying the limp cat in my arms was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I just wish I could have saved her/him.",2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,the accident of the cat,,,,True,202 ekoauw,"Darlene Conner's ""To Whom It Concerns"" Poem From ""Roseanne"" - I saw this rerun today, and the performance still has the same ""emotional bite"" that it had 30 years ago when it first aired. The angst the poem conveys is enough to let you know that many young teens probably feel the same way.",0,chitchat,1,,Maveric04,1,0,0,2020-01-06 03:45:38,selfhelp,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 ej2qei,Question: Online Appointments Available? or Online Delivery?,0,help-seeking,1,"Hello, I'm new. Due to federal regulations I'm required to see a doctor every 3 months so that they can confirm that after 15 years of continuous diagnosis, I do indeed still have ADHD. Also because of federal regulations doctors cant send my scripts to the pharmacy, I have to keep track of paper scripts. Is there any way around this? Are there maybe online specialists who work specifically on cases like mine, or maybe with people in rural areas or something? Almost every month I go at least one or more days unmedicated because of a problem with the prescription. Either missing the Dr. appointment or losing the script or some such problem. Please help.",kysweene,1,0,12,2020-01-02 19:19:00,ADHD,"Question: Online Appointments Available? or Online Delivery? Hello, I'm new. Due to federal regulations I'm required to see a doctor every 3 months so that they can confirm that after 15 years of continuous diagnosis, I do indeed still have ADHD. Also because of federal regulations doctors cant send my scripts to the pharmacy, I have to keep track of paper scripts. Is there any way around this? Are there maybe online specialists who work specifically on cases like mine, or maybe with people in rural areas or something? Almost every month I go at least one or more days unmedicated because of a problem with the prescription. Either missing the Dr. appointment or losing the script or some such problem. Please help.",2,0,2,,,,,,,,True,202 ekeexv,Would love some insight into BPD.,1a,survey,2,"Hello everyone. This is my first post on Reddit. (Just to get it out of the way, I'm 25F). I've come here because I am seriously wondering if I have BPD. This is of course based pretty much just on my own internet research. It seems that many times I've googled ""why do i do xyz"" or ""why am I like this xyz"" I arrive at BPD as an explanation. I can come back into here and edit this post and add some more info about myself if anyone would like, but I would really love to hear from anyone with a BPD diagnosis who's willing to share. What was your life like before and after diagnosis? What behaviors/patterns/actions etc was your diagnosis based on? What does BPD look like for you? Are you on medication, and if so, how does it help you? If not, what else do you do to manage symptoms? Is being in a stable, healthy relationship with BPD possible? My boyfriend (he's 30M) is apparently at the end of his rope with me. We are both admittedly difficult people to get along with, both experienced early trauma, and both trying very hard to be successful adults despite what we've each been through. We're both college educated and have good jobs in our respective fields. We love each other dearly but unfortunately both overreact to conflict at times which makes things hard. I guess I severely overreact way too often and based on how he's talking to me now, it sounds like I'm pretty unbearable (that's actually the word he used to describe me earlier tonight). I love this man with all my heart and there are times i know im hurting him or driving him crazy with how im acting and yet for some reason i just cannot get myself to shut up. It hurts me to know that I'm doing this to him when hes trying so hard to help us move forward as a couple and just be better people. It also causes me quite a bit of shame and embarrassment, so much that often it becomes easier to just shut down and pretend to myself that I'm not doing anything wrong because I guess I'd rather not face the idea that I'm being way too much. I can definitely see a LOT of myself in descriptions I read about BPD. I should also note that im due to meet a therapist I just got set up with, in a couple of days, so I will be getting some professional help soon. But I'm very curious to hear others' experiences with this condition and I guess just start a conversation here and see what I can learn. I'm very concerned and confused right now. Thank you in advance to anyone who decides to share.",Which-Individual,1,0,8,2020-01-05 15:32:57,mentalillness,"Hello everyone. This is my first post on Reddit. (Just to get it out of the way, I'm 25F). I've come here because I am seriously wondering if I have BPD. This is of course based pretty much just on my own internet research. It seems that many times I've googled ""why do i do xyz"" or ""why am I like this xyz"" I arrive at BPD as an explanation. I can come back into here and edit this post and add some more info about myself if anyone would like, but I would really love to hear from anyone with a BPD diagnosis who's willing to share. What was your life like before and after diagnosis? What behaviors/patterns/actions etc was your diagnosis based on? What does BPD look like for you? Are you on medication, and if so, how does it help you? If not, what else do you do to manage symptoms? Is being in a stable, healthy relationship with BPD possible? My boyfriend (he's 30M) is apparently at the end of his rope with me. We are both admittedly difficult people to get along with, both experienced early trauma, and both trying very hard to be successful adults despite what we've each been through. We're both college educated and have good jobs in our respective fields. We love each other dearly but unfortunately both overreact to conflict at times which makes things hard. I guess I severely overreact way too often and based on how he's talking to me now, it sounds like I'm pretty unbearable (that's actually the word he used to describe me earlier tonight). I love this man with all my heart and there are times i know im hurting him or driving him crazy with how im acting and yet for some reason i just cannot get myself to shut up. It hurts me to know that I'm doing this to him when hes trying so hard to help us move forward as a couple and just be better people. It also causes me quite a bit of shame and embarrassment, so much that often it becomes easier to just shut down and pretend to myself that I'm not doing anything wrong because I guess I'd rather not face the idea that I'm being way too much. I can definitely see a LOT of myself in descriptions I read about BPD. I should also note that im due to meet a therapist I just got set up with, in a couple of days, so I will be getting some professional help soon. But I'm very curious to hear others' experiences with this condition and I guess just start a conversation here and see what I can learn. I'm very concerned and confused right now. Thank you in advance to anyone who decides to share.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 ej89sn,Is this normal?,0,help-seeking,1,,xxthrowawayaccount24,0,0,3,2020-01-03 01:55:29,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eqrue8,"Current binger drinker and problem drinker, recovering opiate addict; would I be welcome?",1a,survey,1,"I'm a recovering opiate addict and have been clean for a long time. I have addictive tendences in general. I still binge the fuck out on alcohol and honestly, my alcohol use has fucked my life up more due to not being able to control myself, getting blackout drunk, and doing stupid shit. I want to stop binging, and it should be something that I can just put down, but it has not been that easy for me. I always find a way to justify drinking. I want to try AA or a recovery program that is alcohol related, as something that might be able to keep my problem drinking in check. Would I be welcome there despite not being a full blown alcoholic? I have also heard some AA participants do not like seeing drug addicts at their meetings.",NAorAA,1,0,34,2020-01-19 04:34:36,alcoholicsanonymous,"I'm a recovering opiate addict and have been clean for a long time. I have addictive tendences in general. I still binge the fuck out on alcohol and honestly, my alcohol use has fucked my life up more due to not being able to control myself, getting blackout drunk, and doing stupid shit. I want to stop binging, and it should be something that I can just put down, but it has not been that easy for me. I always find a way to justify drinking. I want to try AA or a recovery program that is alcohol related, as something that might be able to keep my problem drinking in check. Would I be welcome there despite not being a full blown alcoholic? I have also heard some AA participants do not like seeing drug addicts at their meetings.",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,drinking alcohol,,,,True,202 eikunr,"I want to self harm rn, please help!",1b,rant,2,"In my last post, I vented about how my mom can be really rude sometimes. Well, I have another one to tell out of the many she has done. This just happened about 15 minutes ago. My mom took our dog out on a walk, since I have a hard time doing things (due to my mental health issues). Anyway, she came back and went to our glass sliding door to come in. however, it was locked. I like to listen to YouTube while I'm doing other things, so I'm wearing headphones (music helps with my mental garbage). My mom was banging on the door, and I heard it, but I thought it was just something my dad was doing in the house, so I dismissed it. It didn't cease, so I looked around to see what was making that noise. It was my mom banging on the door (duh, me). I get up and unlock the door so she can get in. Instead of a thank you, I get yelled at for ""being so lazy and not getting off your butt."" Apparently, she was there for 2 minutes (I can kind of understand though, it's cold where I live). i tried to tell her that I thought my dad was doing something, so I dismissed it. Nope, I was wrong, I'm not afraid to admit when I'm wrong. But, the way she yelled at me and called me names, that just made me feel so useless. So, now I want to self harm. I only have 4 days clean atm, and I don't want to break that, but I just feel so...idk how to describe it except bad. Thanks for reading this, I needed to just get this out. Feel free to tell me if there are spelling errors or anything I need to clear up.",WolfDragon444,1,0,2,2020-01-01 17:25:59,selfharm,"In my last post, I vented about how my mom can be really rude sometimes. Well, I have another one to tell out of the many she has done. This just happened about 15 minutes ago. My mom took our dog out on a walk, since I have a hard time doing things (due to my mental health issues). Anyway, she came back and went to our glass sliding door to come in. however, it was locked. I like to listen to YouTube while I'm doing other things, so I'm wearing headphones (music helps with my mental garbage). My mom was banging on the door, and I heard it, but I thought it was just something my dad was doing in the house, so I dismissed it. It didn't cease, so I looked around to see what was making that noise. It was my mom banging on the door (duh, me). I get up and unlock the door so she can get in. Instead of a thank you, I get yelled at for ""being so lazy and not getting off your butt."" Apparently, she was there for 2 minutes (I can kind of understand though, it's cold where I live). i tried to tell her that I thought my dad was doing something, so I dismissed it. Nope, I was wrong, I'm not afraid to admit when I'm wrong. But, the way she yelled at me and called me names, that just made me feel so useless. So, now I want to self harm. I only have 4 days clean atm, and I don't want to break that, but I just feel so...idk how to describe it except bad. Thanks for reading this, I needed to just get this out. Feel free to tell me if there are spelling errors or anything I need to clear up.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you feel better,,True,221 ej85yp,Passively suicidal. Splitting on my boyfriend and obsessively texting a toxic ex.,1a,rant,3,"I’m having a hard time with splitting on my boyfriend. I love him and we are in a wonderful healthy relationship. I want to be with him. I know those things to be true. But I can’t connect with any of that. I feel so numb. Recently I split on ~everyone~ when I had a suicidal episode. I’ve been feeling better the past few days, almost no suicidal thoughts, but I still feel that I severed something between me and everyone close in my life. I can’t conjure up the feeling of love towards anyone. Not even my boyfriend. I just don’t care about anyone or myself at all. I’ve been ignoring my friends and family for the most part. Multiple friends have told me in the past week that they take issue with my neglect of our friendship. I immediately cut contact and have ignored calls and messages since then. My depression doesn’t care that I’m hurting them. I’ve isolated myself entirely. Yet I am so desperately seeking genuine human connection. There’s no one I feel I can speak to honestly about my thoughts, my beloved boyfriend included. This is where the ex comes in. It started during my episode. I was feeling self-destructive and suicidal and I decided I wanted to hit him up to get high. Never mind that I spent the worst months of my life addicted to drugs living with him in his mom’s basement. Or that he has been abusive to me in the past (pretty mutual tbh). I don’t care. Misery loves company. I wanted someone to suffer with and he already knows how fucked I am in the head. I thought I could maybe be honest with him, someone completely disconnected from my current reality. I know he’s a sick and sad person in the same ways I am. I just wanna dive right into a pool of his toxic ass shit. So I’ve been obsessing about it since I first messaged him. We haven’t met up yet or made plans to. But I am feeling the euphoric highs and panicky lows that come along with texting someone new.. I’m fucking thinking about him responding or not and checking my phone all day. Watched his typing bubbles pop up and go away while I wait.. this feels exciting and I can’t feel anything else. I’ve now built an entire fantasy about this and it’s the only thing keeping my suicidal thoughts at bay. It’s filling the void. The truth is that I want this whole thing to end terribly. I think that if I made a mistake like this (seeing him, relapsing) I would then feel like I HAVE to kill myself. My entire life would be erupted. it would ruin the most important relationship in my life (FP, boyfriend) who has been my reason to not kms for a long time. He is my only source of happiness and is the core of my existence. But right now I feel nothing towards him. I can’t connect to the consequences this may cause. I feel like I don’t care who gets hurt. Another part of me says that I shouldn’t make such a big mess of things before I exit. But I don’t think I have the courage to do it now anyways. I feel like I need to drag myself further into shame and hopelessness before I would make a serious attempt. I have failed too many times and my passive suicidal ideation is planning for my future active suicidal ideation? If that makes sense. It all feels like jumping through a million hoops in my head. I feel self-aware of my current mental condition, while also feeling apathetic to changing it. I am hoping that just posting here will allow me to release some of this. I’m hoping maybe someone relates to the nonsense in my head. Thank you if you read this.",justforBPDtoday,5,0,14,2020-01-03 01:47:08,BPD,"I’m having a hard time with splitting on my boyfriend. I love him and we are in a wonderful healthy relationship. I want to be with him. I know those things to be true. But I can’t connect with any of that. I feel so numb. Recently I split on ~everyone~ when I had a suicidal episode. I’ve been feeling better the past few days, almost no suicidal thoughts, but I still feel that I severed something between me and everyone close in my life. I can’t conjure up the feeling of love towards anyone. Not even my boyfriend. I just don’t care about anyone or myself at all. I’ve been ignoring my friends and family for the most part. Multiple friends have told me in the past week that they take issue with my neglect of our friendship. I immediately cut contact and have ignored calls and messages since then. My depression doesn’t care that I’m hurting them. I’ve isolated myself entirely. Yet I am so desperately seeking genuine human connection. There’s no one I feel I can speak to honestly about my thoughts, my beloved boyfriend included. This is where the ex comes in. It started during my episode. I was feeling self-destructive and suicidal and I decided I wanted to hit him up to get high. Never mind that I spent the worst months of my life addicted to drugs living with him in his mom’s basement. Or that he has been abusive to me in the past (pretty mutual tbh). I don’t care. Misery loves company. I wanted someone to suffer with and he already knows how fucked I am in the head. I thought I could maybe be honest with him, someone completely disconnected from my current reality. I know he’s a sick and sad person in the same ways I am. I just wanna dive right into a pool of his toxic ass shit. So I’ve been obsessing about it since I first messaged him. We haven’t met up yet or made plans to. But I am feeling the euphoric highs and panicky lows that come along with texting someone new.. I’m fucking thinking about him responding or not and checking my phone all day. Watched his typing bubbles pop up and go away while I wait.. this feels exciting and I can’t feel anything else. I’ve now built an entire fantasy about this and it’s the only thing keeping my suicidal thoughts at bay. It’s filling the void. The truth is that I want this whole thing to end terribly. I think that if I made a mistake like this (seeing him, relapsing) I would then feel like I HAVE to kill myself. My entire life would be erupted. it would ruin the most important relationship in my life (FP, boyfriend) who has been my reason to not kms for a long time. He is my only source of happiness and is the core of my existence. But right now I feel nothing towards him. I can’t connect to the consequences this may cause. I feel like I don’t care who gets hurt. Another part of me says that I shouldn’t make such a big mess of things before I exit. But I don’t think I have the courage to do it now anyways. I feel like I need to drag myself further into shame and hopelessness before I would make a serious attempt. I have failed too many times and my passive suicidal ideation is planning for my future active suicidal ideation? If that makes sense. It all feels like jumping through a million hoops in my head. I feel self-aware of my current mental condition, while also feeling apathetic to changing it. I am hoping that just posting here will allow me to release some of this. I’m hoping maybe someone relates to the nonsense in my head. Thank you if you read this.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would improve your mental condition,,True,221 eojlep,magic mushrooms for sale⛅️👁,0,chitchat,1,"if your addicted to something, why not try some magic mushrooms! I was once an addict and tried magic mushrooms and since I have taken then I have never looked back, they are amazingly spiritual and great fun too! I offer worldwide shipping also🎒private message me.",thomas65345,1,0,0,2020-01-14 10:32:50,addiction,"if your addicted to something, why not try some magic mushrooms! I was once an addict and tried magic mushrooms and since I have taken then I have never looked back, they are amazingly spiritual and great fun too! I offer worldwide shipping also🎒private message me.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ek66gc,"How to have an optimistic, self-caring mindset?",1a,help-seeking,1,"Seemingly, the success of others makes me reflect on my own ""failures"". Air-quotes, because technically, I haven't really failed all that much: I'm in a good school, with passing grades, in a somewhat-useful degree, with enough insight to look internally and see when I have a problem. Which, leads me to *this* problem: everything I do is ""inferior"" to what others do, so I act in accordance to becoming an ""equal"" to them. Inferior at career, hobby, health, looks, *anything*, and it's getting annoying. I've been long enough in the self-help mindset, and trying to improve my career for the past 5 years, that I've become apathetic and uncaring for my well-being. That last bit is concerning. It's made me bolder, since the worst-case scenario is death, and I'm fully prepared to die. I haven't done anything stupid, but, it's discouraging to know that if I do something dangerous and don't die, it was a ""happy accident"". So...now I struggle with self-growth. I doubt everything, and trust in very little. I care little for my self-worth, and am cognizant of my behavior, but I Just don't care enough to care for *me*. I care for others significantly more than myself. I just wish I could die slowly, so I have time to say goodbye and forget my troubles.",wakato106,1,0,4,2020-01-05 01:50:34,getting_over_it,"How to have an optimistic, self-caring mindset? Seemingly, the success of others makes me reflect on my own ""failures"". Air-quotes, because technically, I haven't really failed all that much: I'm in a good school, with passing grades, in a somewhat-useful degree, with enough insight to look internally and see when I have a problem. Which, leads me to *this* problem: everything I do is ""inferior"" to what others do, so I act in accordance to becoming an ""equal"" to them. Inferior at career, hobby, health, looks, *anything*, and it's getting annoying. I've been long enough in the self-help mindset, and trying to improve my career for the past 5 years, that I've become apathetic and uncaring for my well-being. That last bit is concerning. It's made me bolder, since the worst-case scenario is death, and I'm fully prepared to die. I haven't done anything stupid, but, it's discouraging to know that if I do something dangerous and don't die, it was a ""happy accident"". So...now I struggle with self-growth. I doubt everything, and trust in very little. I care little for my self-worth, and am cognizant of my behavior, but I Just don't care enough to care for *me*. I care for others significantly more than myself. I just wish I could die slowly, so I have time to say goodbye and forget my troubles.",2,2,2,,,,,,,title,True,222 et3kq3,Trying to not be in a relationship anymore with this person,1b,rant,2,"So I've been in relationship with this person. It was good and what not for a good few months. As time went on, things started to go south,we argued more and more everyday about stuff. Over things like why is this person that I'm dating basically flirting with another person that likes them. This person was still in a little bit of contact with a person from their past, according to the person im dating they never were official because the person they were messing with was married and had their own family. This person has lied to me over things I understand I shouldn't be mad about, but what I got angry at was for their reasoning as to why they lied to me which was because they were afraid of how I would react. Now I understand I'm not a garden of roses, I have my trust issues and my anger issues and jealousy issues and this person knew that before we even got in a relationship. Point is that now present day I'm not with that person anymore because things got bad and this person has apologized and says they're trying to get back together in the future. I keep in contact because this person has threatened to do things to themselves. I dont wanna go back because I have trust issues but also it was just bad between them and I, I called them names, I made fun of them because they were overly emotional. They would say things and then not even remember saying them. They would twist things around. Toxic just toxic. Both me and them are Toxic people. I understand I'm making things worse by still keeping in contact but I legit dont know how or what to do now because I want them to leave me alone.",Kimxoz,1,0,5,2020-01-24 02:06:11,selfhelp,"So I've been in relationship with this person. It was good and what not for a good few months. As time went on, things started to go south,we argued more and more everyday about stuff. Over things like why is this person that I'm dating basically flirting with another person that likes them. This person was still in a little bit of contact with a person from their past, according to the person im dating they never were official because the person they were messing with was married and had their own family. This person has lied to me over things I understand I shouldn't be mad about, but what I got angry at was for their reasoning as to why they lied to me which was because they were afraid of how I would react. Now I understand I'm not a garden of roses, I have my trust issues and my anger issues and jealousy issues and this person knew that before we even got in a relationship. Point is that now present day I'm not with that person anymore because things got bad and this person has apologized and says they're trying to get back together in the future. I keep in contact because this person has threatened to do things to themselves. I dont wanna go back because I have trust issues but also it was just bad between them and I, I called them names, I made fun of them because they were overly emotional. They would say things and then not even remember saying them. They would twist things around. Toxic just toxic. Both me and them are Toxic people. I understand I'm making things worse by still keeping in contact but I legit dont know how or what to do now because I want them to leave me alone.",2,0,0,,,How did X make you feel?,the toxic relationship,What do you need help with now that X?,the person is threatening to do self harm,,True,200 eilozn,People are stupid,1b,rant,1,I like playing online but everytime i say anything about my ADHD they say ”oh ADHD is fire!!” And ”i Wish i had ADHD!” Its really annoying!!,cold-kid93,1,0,4,2020-01-01 18:30:04,ADHD,I like playing online but everytime i say anything about my ADHD they say ”oh ADHD is fire!!” And ”i Wish i had ADHD!” Its really annoying!!,2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you get annoyed if someone says anything about your adhd,,True,220 eqn570,question about AA. the last few months have been traumatic for me and I was living w/a person who was,1a,help-seeking,3,"an alcoholic. I've never been a drinker not even during college. I drank 1 glass a wine a year maybe during a holiday but that's it. but lately w/all the stress/anxiety in my life and no support system I feel as if I'm drinking too much to alleviate anxiety. More important I WANT to stop COMPLETELY but can't, I don't get drunk but I can't stop which is a problem. Anyway I went to AA in our city and I have to say I didn't feel comfortable there. It was all men and many had a paper that had to be signed so I assume they were ordered there by the court. I'm not trying to be judgemental but their background/education/work was so different I found it hard to relate yet feel as I'm being close minded (I was touched by their stories as we're all human) A couple woman were there and were friendly. They texted me and encouraged me to buy the book and attend meetings every day. But honestly life has been really HARD lately. I'm being evicted (not for not paying rent but because my landlord is a greedy asshole who thinks I'm going to report him) and occasionally it's hard to FUNCTION at all let alone take a shower and wash my hair and get to a meeting. So one of the women texted ""I'm not going to keep invading your space anymore by encouraging you to go to meetings. Good luck. Bye"" (not verbatim but that's the gist) So I made an effort to start going to meetings again and the younger woman was supportive. She said I'll be at the late night meeting Fri/Sat and hope to see you there. I said I would be there but flaked. I was too depressed. Instead of went to a Thursday meeting (again all men didn't feel comfortable) and then a Sunday meeting. Both of the women were there. The older woman led the meeting. The younger woman hugged me when she saw me and I admitted I had a drink that day because that was the truth. I saw them talking about me before the meeting. I started to feel sick during the meeting (unrelated IBS due to stress) and really just wanted to go home. When the meeting was over I started to leave and the older woman called me by name and said ""you need to join the hug and prayer!"" I don't like strange men touching me and kind of don't like that part of the meeting. After the meeting I texted the younger woman ""it was good meeting. If I felt better I would have stayed longer. At least tomorrow is a new day"" She always texted me before but now she ghosted me. No response. What did I do wrong? I guess they felt my heart wasn't in it? I find the religious component not helpful as I come from a family of doctors and see addiction and alcoholism as a physical illness that eventually can be treated possibly with medication but I DO think having a support system is helpful when you're alone. Can someone tell me what I did wrong? I went to another meeting a few days ago. It was all men. Then I went to women's meeting but it was mostly listening to meditation about loving yourself etc. Should I go back? I don't know. I feel stressed out and a drink relaxes me but I really want to stop. I might delete this post late. I'm too tired today to create a burner account.",nonetodaysu,1,0,6,2020-01-18 22:05:03,alcoholicsanonymous,"an alcoholic. I've never been a drinker not even during college. I drank 1 glass a wine a year maybe during a holiday but that's it. but lately w/all the stress/anxiety in my life and no support system I feel as if I'm drinking too much to alleviate anxiety. More important I WANT to stop COMPLETELY but can't, I don't get drunk but I can't stop which is a problem. Anyway I went to AA in our city and I have to say I didn't feel comfortable there. It was all men and many had a paper that had to be signed so I assume they were ordered there by the court. I'm not trying to be judgemental but their background/education/work was so different I found it hard to relate yet feel as I'm being close minded (I was touched by their stories as we're all human) A couple woman were there and were friendly. They texted me and encouraged me to buy the book and attend meetings every day. But honestly life has been really HARD lately. I'm being evicted (not for not paying rent but because my landlord is a greedy asshole who thinks I'm going to report him) and occasionally it's hard to FUNCTION at all let alone take a shower and wash my hair and get to a meeting. So one of the women texted ""I'm not going to keep invading your space anymore by encouraging you to go to meetings.Good luck. Bye"" (not verbatim but that's the gist) So I made an effort to start going to meetings again and the younger woman was supportive. She said I'll be at the late night meeting Fri/Sat and hope to see you there. I said I would be there but flaked. I was too depressed. Instead of went to a Thursday meeting (again all men didn't feel comfortable) and then a Sunday meeting. Both of the women were there. The older woman led the meeting. The younger woman hugged me when she saw me and I admitted I had a drink that day because that was the truth. I saw them talking about me before the meeting. I started to feel sick during the meeting (unrelated IBS due to stress) and really just wanted to go home. When the meeting was over I started to leave and the older woman called me by name and said ""you need to join the hug and prayer!"" I don't like strange men touching me and kind of don't like that part of the meeting. After the meeting I texted the younger woman ""it was good meeting. If I felt better I would have stayed longer. At least tomorrow is a new day"" She always texted me before but now she ghosted me. No response. What did I do wrong? I guess they felt my heart wasn't in it? I find the religious component not helpful as I come from a family of doctors and see addiction and alcoholism as a physical illness that eventually can be treated possibly with medication but I DO think having a support system is helpful when you're alone. Can someone tell me what I did wrong? I went to another meeting a few days ago. It was all men. Then I went to women's meeting but it was mostly listening to meditation about loving yourself etc. Should I go back? I don't know. I feel stressed out and a drink relaxes me but I really want to stop. I might delete this post late. I'm too tired today to create a burner account.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eir9j8,Urge to destory me and others,1a,help-seeking,1,"So the thing is, since i had my believes in humanity cut i only live to destory. I want to destory myslef (overdose, cutting after beeing 18 months clean, suicide attempt etc.) but i also want to make the lives of others that in my opionin wronged me as miserable as possible. I dont want to be the little boy that always does what his mother is saying. I just want to destory as many of the lives that ruined mine. &#x200B; Does anyone else have that and if yes what can i do against it? My rational brain knows it shouldn't do stuff like that but the urge is too damn big",Vio_lini,1,0,2,2020-01-02 01:39:54,BPD,"So the thing is, since i had my believes in humanity cut i only live to destroy. I want to destory myslef (overdose, cutting after beeing 18 months clean, suicide attempt etc.) but i also want to make the lives of others that in my opionin wronged me as miserable as possible. I dont want to be the little boy that always does what his mother is saying. I just want to destory as many of the lives that ruined mine. &#x200B; Does anyone else have that and if yes what can i do against it? My rational brain knows it shouldn't do stuff like that but the urge is too damn big",1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you want to destroy yourself and others,,,,,,True,122 ei8rw6,"Going to 2020 the same, but better?",1a,rant,1," Since ever I started using drugs it kinda helped w my depression, i feel get less sad but its prob cuzz i smoke weed a lot idk lmao. But idk it always comes back.. usually I wake up and I have to force myself to do anything. It feels like I don't care about anything and I felt like that for a while way before I started using drugs. In school All my grades are suffering. I spend a lot of money on useless things (drugs, cigarettes, etc.). I just can't bring myself to care about anything anymore, and it's not like me at all. I want to care and be responsible, but I'm not. Going to spend these years alone with my computer. I don't know. I'm seeing a therapist / usin anti-depressants but I don't know. it seems to help but sometimes I think I'd still rather just be dead.. anyway, i wish yall good luck",Edvis64,1,0,0,2019-12-31 21:00:54,depression," Since ever I started using drugs it kinda helped w my depression, i feel get less sad but its prob cuzz i smoke weed a lot idk lmao. But idk it always comes back.. usually I wake up and I have to force myself to do anything. It feels like I don't care about anything and I felt like that for a while way before I started using drugs. In school All my grades are suffering. I spend a lot of money on useless things (drugs, cigarettes, etc.). I just can't bring myself to care about anything anymore, and it's not like me at all. I want to care and be responsible, but I'm not. Going to spend these years alone with my computer. I don't know. I'm seeing a therapist / usin anti-depressants but I don't know. it seems to help but sometimes I think I'd still rather just be dead.. anyway, i wish yall good luck",1,2,1,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you are depressed,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you want to be responsible and start caring,,True,121 eir24j,"What’s the bubbly yellow whitish layer when I cut deep? Is it a bad sign I accidentally cut deeper than ever, could someone help me I’m panicking and don’t know if I need to go to the hospital",0,help-seeking,1,,anonymouslae,1,0,14,2020-01-02 01:23:36,selfharm,"What’s the bubbly yellow whitish layer when I cut deep? Is it a bad sign I accidentally cut deeper than ever, could someone help me I’m panicking and don’t know if I need to go to the hospital",1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you cut yourself,How did X make you feel?,cutting more deeper than ever,,,,True,102 eu5h95,Problems with comparing,0,help-seeking,1,"Hey there, I already posted something about this topic before. A friend of mine (f,20) has a very big problem with comparing herself to other people (mainly looks). I was wondering if anyone of you has overcome this problems. I think this would help her alot so she could see that other people have this problem and have managed to overcome this. Thanks a lot for your help and advices.",to_misha,1,0,6,2020-01-26 11:15:15,selfhelp,"Hey there, I already posted something about this topic before. A friend of mine (f,20) has a very big problem with comparing herself to other people (mainly looks). I was wondering if anyone of you has overcome this problems. I think this would help her alot so she could see that other people have this problem and have managed to overcome this. Thanks a lot for your help and advices.",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,you friend comparing caring about her looks so much,,,,True,202 emhzld,I’ve been battling this for 8 years. I’m drunk and about to fold deeper will someone please talk to me. I’m sad and not ok,1a,help-seeking,1,,GoodSpare3,1,0,6,2020-01-09 23:27:00,alcoholicsanonymous,I’ve been battling this for 8 years. I’m drunk and about to fold deeper. will someone please talk to me. I’m sad and not ok nan,1,1,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your alcohol addiction,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how battling your addiction for 8 years make you feel,,,,True,112 eigk0o,Is it my BPD or is it really him the problem?,1b,help-seeking,2,"We had a very beautiful and long love story. Our parents made it so hard for us to get married but we fought for our love. After getting married problems started. He has become too critical, sometimes even agressive and borderline abusive. He always apologizes later, but I have seen such a strong anger in him that was only there after marriage. There were some red flags, but I thought they were just because he was stressed and I also can lose it when I am too stressed. Recently, I adopted a cat and my life became a nightmare when the cat scratched him. He was trying to force me to get rid of it, manipulating me and pressuring me. I have to say that before, I was not so assertive but recently I learned to be assertive and when ai stepped my foot down, the fights and problems made me have severe anxiety. I am not sure if this is because he over reacted or because like my psychiatrist said I have BPD traits. I met someone, who knows I'm married and respects that. He seems interested in me and is giving me so much attention. He's interested in a friendship but I feel like he would want more if I was single. Now, I can't stop thinking about this possibility and wondering if it would be a good idea to leave and start afresh. The thing is, what if I haven't met this guy? I might have wanted to improve my relationship. But what if the reason I'm interested in a new relationship is because I don't want to work on this one? I'm worried I might regret because we have been together for ten years. I feel however, like something has been broken this time... LTDR: After 10 years and being married for three years, I discover things in my husband that make me want to leave, but I'm worried I'd regret later.",kidvisions,1,0,1,2020-01-01 09:27:16,BPD,"Is it my BPD or is it really him the problem? We had a very beautiful and long love story. Our parents made it so hard for us to get married but we fought for our love. After getting married problems started. He has become too critical, sometimes even agressive and borderline abusive. He always apologizes later, but I have seen such a strong anger in him that was only there after marriage. There were some red flags, but I thought they were just because he was stressed and I also can lose it when I am too stressed. Recently, I adopted a cat and my life became a nightmare when the cat scratched him. He was trying to force me to get rid of it, manipulating me and pressuring me. I have to say that before, I was not so assertive but recently I learned to be assertive and when ai stepped my foot down, the fights and problems made me have severe anxiety. I am not sure if this is because he over reacted or because like my psychiatrist said I have BPD traits. I met someone, who knows I'm married and respects that. He seems interested in me and is giving me so much attention. He's interested in a friendship but I feel like he would want more if I was single. Now, I can't stop thinking about this possibility and wondering if it would be a good idea to leave and start afresh. The thing is, what if I haven't met this guy? I might have wanted to improve my relationship. But what if the reason I'm interested in a new relationship is because I don't want to work on this one? I'm worried I might regret because we have been together for ten years. I feel however, like something has been broken this time... LTDR: After 10 years and being married for three years, I discover things in my husband that make me want to leave, but I'm worried I'd regret later.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 f0xfq7,Filing a report against my ex. Did I wait too long?,1b,help-seeking,1,We broke up in October. And he trapped me in his house and left some bruises but we got into a very big physical altercation in August multiple times. I’m scared I waited too long to tell. Pls help,IllBeyond8,1,0,11,2020-02-08 20:45:03,domesticviolence,Filing a report against my ex. Did I wait too long? We broke up in October. And he trapped me in his house and left some bruises but we got into a very big physical altercation in August multiple times. I’m scared I waited too long to tell. Pls help,2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how your ex being abusive make you feel,,,,True,212 fszrpg,It's hard to accept that you will be single,1b,rant,1,"My gf has depression and got in a full-time mental health hospital like 5 weeks ago. We were 8 months together and I love her from the bottom of my heart. Few days ago she called me and stated that the relationship costs her too much strength. She also said she doesn't have the feeling that we are like loved ones and more like good friends, but She had this feeling even a time before she got to the and also she doesn't know if she really loves me. We took a break and I have literally 0 hope. All the waiting for a statement of hers is killing me slowly and I notice how I feel more and more hollow...",DeeDxubleyou,1,0,6,2020-04-01 13:27:32,getting_over_it,"My gf has depression and got in a full-time mental health hospital like 5 weeks ago. We were 8 months together and I love her from the bottom of my heart. Few days ago she called me and stated that the relationship costs her too much strength. She also said she doesn't have the feeling that we are like loved ones and more like good friends, but She had this feeling even a time before she got to the and also she doesn't know if she really loves me. We took a break and I have literally 0 hope. All the waiting for a statement of hers is killing me slowly and I notice how I feel more and more hollow...",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,she's wanting to not be in a relationship,,True,220 fdez0i,Today I decided I wasn't gonna let life beat me,0,chitchat,1,"I've been in a bad place this past week after a bad reaction to medication (it made me very anxious and lethargic, I spent days literally doing nothing except browsing reddit a bit). Today for the first day since then I was feeling better, and I told myself I wasn't gonna let life beat me anymore! So I went to my kitchen to get some food even though there were many people there, and guess what, it didn't kill me. Who would've thought? And then I even went for a run, it was my first time outside in days.",NoLightOnlyDarkness,1,0,0,2020-03-04 15:55:00,getting_over_it,"I've been in a bad place this past week after a bad reaction to medication (it made me very anxious and lethargic, I spent days literally doing nothing except browsing reddit a bit). Today for the first day since then I was feeling better, and I told myself I wasn't gonna let life beat me anymore! So I went to my kitchen to get some food even though there were many people there, and guess what, it didn't kill me. Who would've thought? And then I even went for a run, it was my first time outside in days.",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,the bad reaction to the medicine,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you decided to live a better life,random,True,120 ekszcq,I might be suffering from IED. What do I do?,1a,help-seeking,1,"I'm a 28 year old male who might be suffering from intermittent explosive disorder. I say might as I am going in for an evaluation tomorrow to diagnose it. However, the psychiatrist I spoke to suggested very strongly that I have it and will need immediate assistance. I'd just like to ask, what happens once you are diagnosed? Ive never tried to fix my issues but now that I'm starting I'm very uncertain and would like to know how you felt or the kind of things you thought of after being diagnosed with IED. Thanks for reading this through. ❤️",xaer011,1,0,12,2020-01-06 11:35:51,Anger,"I'm a 28 year old male who might be suffering from intermittent explosive disorder. I say might as I am going in for an evaluation tomorrow to diagnose it. However, the psychiatrist I spoke to suggested very strongly that I have it and will need immediate assistance. I'd just like to ask, what happens once you are diagnosed? Ive never tried to fix my issues but now that I'm starting I'm very uncertain and would like to know how you felt or the kind of things you thought of after being diagnosed with IED. Thanks for reading this through. ❤️",2,1,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,the uncertainity you feel about therapy,,,,True,212 exyqa6,The Abuser came back,1b,rant,1,"I'm not sure where to turn. Maybe I'm just looking for a place to vent. I've been living with my mother, brother, and abusive father all my lif3. I'm 23 now but I'm stuck in this situation (codepency and don't make enough on my own. Not to mention I have animals I can't leave) My father had been pretty MIA a few weeks and even had a serious sit down with my mom and told her that he found someone else and was leaving. It's been so quiet and peaceful But he turned on my mom today. Called her and claimed he never said that and that he wasn't leaving and that he was going to tear up her shit and everything. I can't even describe the intense disappointment. I can't talk about it with anyone because everyone will just say I should of expected otherwise. They already do. It's just so intense of a feeling that I feel like it's swallowing me up.",Emikoizumi0820,1,0,2,2020-02-03 01:04:05,domesticviolence,"I'm not sure where to turn. Maybe I'm just looking for a place to vent. I've been living with my mother, brother, and abusive father all my lif3. I'm 23 now but I'm stuck in this situation (codepency and don't make enough on my own. Not to mention I have animals I can't leave) My father had been pretty MIA a few weeks and even had a serious sit down with my mom and told her that he found someone else and was leaving. It's been so quiet and peaceful But he turned on my mom today. Called her and claimed he never said that and that he wasn't leaving and that he was going to tear up her shit and everything. I can't even describe the intense disappointment. I can't talk about it with anyone because everyone will just say I should of expected otherwise. They already do. It's just so intense of a feeling that I feel like it's swallowing me up.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel disappointed with your father,,True,220 emxrlk,Reverting back to childhood after severe trauma and loss?,0,survey,1," I lost my twin sister almost 6 months ago due to an ATV crash. Previous to losing her, I went through some other severe trauma. Now, and for the past couple months, I've been wanting to do things I did in my childhood when I was younger for some reason. Instead of wanting to do things that normal teen girls would do, I find myself wanting to play with my old doll's hair, play Webkinz, hold a little baby doll, and do other things I used to do when I was 10 and younger. I'm not sure why this is. I suddenly want to go back to all the little kid things. Has this happened to anyone else, where after trauma you suddenly find yourself being attached to little kid stuff again?",aulei,1,0,1,2020-01-10 21:47:10,ptsd," I lost my twin sister almost 6 months ago due to an ATV crash. Previous to losing her, I went through some other severe trauma. Now, and for the past couple months, I've been wanting to do things I did in my childhood when I was younger for some reason. Instead of wanting to do things that normal teen girls would do, I find myself wanting to play with my old doll's hair, play Webkinz, hold a little baby doll, and do other things I used to do when I was 10 and younger. I'm not sure why this is. I suddenly want to go back to all the little kid things. Has this happened to anyone else, where after trauma you suddenly find yourself being attached to little kid stuff again?",2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel after losing your twin sister,,,,True,212 emz2tn,Does anyone else feel like romantic relationships are impossible for them after being sexually assaulted?,0,survey,1,,virgotaurus,1,0,12,2020-01-10 23:23:46,ptsd,Does anyone else feel like romantic relationships are impossible for them after being sexually assaulted?,0,1,0,What made you feel X ?,romantic realtionships are impossible,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about relationships,What can help you overcome X ?,your trauma from sexual abuse,,True,010 f328ug,I’m so confused. Sometimes I feel like I have a crush on the person who assaulted me,1b,survey,1,"I was assaulted by someone I had a crush on. He is objectively very conventionally attractive. Most people would agree on that. I can’t help but see him and think “oh my god he’s so hot” but then I remember what he did to me (and I KNOW I didn’t want it that time). He coerced me. I don’t respect him at all for how he treated me that night. I’m kind of a fan-girl type of girl lol. I swoon over hot men and get heart eyes whenever I see attractive guys. It’s like a natural reaction. So when I get that reaction thinking about him, it’s confusing. Because he literally assaulted me and took advantage of me. Does anyone else experience something like this?",cupiddelocke-,1,0,2,2020-02-13 01:47:39,rapecounseling,"I’m so confused. Sometimes I feel like I have a crush on the person who assaulted me I was assaulted by someone I had a crush on. He is objectively very conventionally attractive. Most people would agree on that. I can’t help but see him and think “oh my god he’s so hot” but then I remember what he did to me (and I KNOW I didn’t want it that time). He coerced me. I don’t respect him at all for how he treated me that night. I’m kind of a fan-girl type of girl lol. I swoon over hot men and get heart eyes whenever I see attractive guys. It’s like a natural reaction. So when I get that reaction thinking about him, it’s confusing. Because he literally assaulted me and took advantage of me. Does anyone else experience something like this?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eijcp5,Yes,0,chitchat,1,I did have sexual relations with that woman,xXmr_clintonXx,1,0,1,2020-01-01 15:17:54,socialanxiety,I did have sexual relations with that woman,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eis9we,I'm thinking about dropping out of college for a year,0,chitchat,4,,StressedTeacup,1,0,0,2020-01-02 03:01:54,ADHD,I'm thinking about dropping out of college for a year nan,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you are thinking about dropping out of college,How did X make you feel?,going to college,What do you need help with now that X?,you are thinking about dropping out of college,,True,100 emqphj,"Share/Rant/Discussion Fridays - January 10, 2020",0,chitchat,1,"Share your rants and thoughts here! Also, see full past discussions [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/addiction/search?q=friday+lounge&restrict_sr=on&sort=relevance&t=all)",AutoModerator,1,0,2,2020-01-10 13:09:35,addiction,"Share your rants and thoughts here! Also, see full past discussions [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/addiction/search?q=friday+lounge&restrict_sr=on&sort=relevance&t=all)",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 epq4zg,Accessing Mental Health Support,1a,survey,1,"I feel at a complete loss when it comes to accessing mental health support. You feel like practitioners servicing people with mental health needs would understand the massive effort it takes to reach out, but no one seems to make the process easy. A big step, I feel, would be letting some of the booking process be done electronically. After putting all my energy into functioning at work for the day, the idea of calling up an office and putting myself out there is terrifying. I know I could do it electronically, though. Does anyone else find this?",earnshawluck,1,0,1,2020-01-16 21:43:30,mentalillness,"I feel at a complete loss when it comes to accessing mental health support. You feel like practitioners servicing people with mental health needs would understand the massive effort it takes to reach out, but no one seems to make the process easy. A big step, I feel, would be letting some of the booking process be done electronically. After putting all my energy into functioning at work for the day, the idea of calling up an office and putting myself out there is terrifying. I know I could do it electronically, though. Does anyone else find this?",0,2,2,What made you feel X ?,why calling tech support feels terrifying,,,,,,True,022 eibl5s,Don’t know what to do,0,rant,1,"It’s New Year’s Eve, I want to kill myself and die. I don’t think life is worth living and I know my sister and family would eventually move on. Don’t know what to do but if feels better telling at least someone.",nisha1028,1,0,3,2020-01-01 00:46:20,depression,"It’s New Year’s Eve, I want to kill myself and die. I don’t think life is worth living and I know my sister and family would eventually move on. Don’t know what to do but if feels better telling at least someone.",0,1,0,What made you feel X ?,that the life is not worth living,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel,What can help you overcome X ?,the feeling that the life is not worth it,suicidal,True,010 eieac3,Loud noises,1b,rant,1,My family is pestering me to go outside for fireworks when I can't handle the noise but they just ignore me.,zunebirthehammy,1,0,2,2020-01-01 05:04:28,ptsd,My family is pestering me to go outside for fireworks when I can't handle the noise but they just ignore me.,2,0,0,,,How did X make you feel?,the noise of firecrackers,What do you need help with now that X?,your family is pestering you to watch fireworks,,True,200 eyv3qm,"I just need someone to tell me I'm doing a good job, please, I just need someone to tell me.",1a,help-seeking,2,"I'm kind of breaking down right now. I've tried so hard but I couldn't even make it half way through work today. I've done so much. I do yoga every morning now, I practice mindfulness. I eat healthy, I try to exercise. I completely cut caffeine out of my life for 2 weeks now, and good god do I miss coffee, but I did it. I haven't slipped up even once. But I couldn't even make it to work yesterday, and today I didn't even make it halfway through the day and I just really want a hug, I just want someone to hug me and tell me I'm doing a good job. My therapist is proud of me, but I just want someone else in my life to acknowledge the amount of effort I've put into this. To tell me I'm doing a good job. My boyfriend is depressed and dealing with anxiety so I try to hide a lot of what I feel from him. I don't want to be a burden. But I just feel like such a failure sometimes. I do so much but it never seems like enough. I've had PTSD for 4 years now and the struggle with it has changed and transformed over the years but the struggle has always been there. This has been the first time it's seriously impacted my ability to work though. I just can't stop crying. I don't know if the therapy broke down a wall in me somewhere but it just won't stop. I try so hard, but it just won't stop. I really need some words of encouragement right now.",Hypothetical-Hawk,1,0,9,2020-02-04 19:04:34,rapecounseling,"I'm kind of breaking down right now. I've tried so hard but I couldn't even make it half way through work today. I've done so much. I do yoga every morning now, I practice mindfulness. I eat healthy, I try to exercise. I completely cut caffeine out of my life for 2 weeks now, and good god do I miss coffee, but I did it. I haven't slipped up even once. But I couldn't even make it to work yesterday, and today I didn't even make it halfway through the day and I just really want a hug, I just want someone to hug me and tell me I'm doing a good job. My therapist is proud of me, but I just want someone else in my life to acknowledge the amount of effort I've put into this. To tell me I'm doing a good job. My boyfriend is depressed and dealing with anxiety so I try to hide a lot of what I feel from him. I don't want to be a burden. But I just feel like such a failure sometimes. I do so much but it never seems like enough. I've had PTSD for 4 years now and the struggle with it has changed and transformed over the years but the struggle has always been there. This has been the first time it's seriously impacted my ability to work though. I just can't stop crying. I don't know if the therapy broke down a wall in me somewhere but it just won't stop. I try so hard, but it just won't stop. I really need some words of encouragement right now.",1,1,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what made you break down,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how the PTSD makes you feel,,,,True,112 ekf2h6,1 Year Today!!!,0,chitchat,1,"It’s been a crazy year, but this program has done so much for me. Thinking back, a year ago I was utterly defeated and a shell of a person, ready to die. Today the promises have already begun coming to fruition and I know I’ve just started my journey. To all the newcomers - stick with it! Stick with the winners. This thing works. Get a sponsor and do the steps, get caught up in the fellowship, and service! The biggest thing I battle is my ego and my will. Talking to other like-minded individuals and doing all the things I said above are humbling. Steps 10 and 11. Meditation. It works!",whoblowsthere,1,0,24,2020-01-05 16:22:06,alcoholicsanonymous,"It’s been a crazy year, but this program has done so much for me. Thinking back, a year ago I was utterly defeated and a shell of a person, ready to die. Today the promises have already begun coming to fruition and I know I’ve just started my journey. To all the newcomers - stick with it! Stick with the winners. This thing works. Get a sponsor and do the steps, get caught up in the fellowship, and service! The biggest thing I battle is my ego and my will. Talking to other like-minded individuals and doing all the things I said above are humbling. Steps 10 and 11. Meditation. It works!",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 ezxj3c,Trying to define these experiences...,1b,help-seeking,2,"My ex husband psychologically and emotionally abused me through the last five years. I know that. I'm confident in being able to look at the facts and say that, yes, that was abuse. Toward the end of our relationship he allowed another man to rape me. (I'm honestly still on the fence about saying it was outright rape, mostly just because that's a hefty accusation to levy and I allowed myself to be in that situation). But he talked me into having a threesome and held my wrists down as the other guy had anal intercourse with me. It hurt. A lot. And I screamed. But I never said no, or stop, or anything like that. I just stared at his hands on my wrists. And almost as soon as it was done I wiped it from my memory. It wasn't until I was telling my mom about all the small, vague occurrences that I had a sudden flashback and I was right there again, staring at my wrists. I can hear their voices still (this happened in September). I strongly feel that this was at least assault. But there are other things about my sexual history with my ex I'm struggling to define. He was my first relationship. He would do things like touch me in public, overzealously 'cuddle' even when I said no, coerce me to perform sexually at friends and family's houses, and often times I would wake up to him on top of me, already fucking me. One time he even split me open to the point I was bleeding and it hurt to sit. Eventually, I started losing memory from times when I was drowsy or tipsy, or asleep. It all seemed so normal. I guess, I just need to know if any of this sounds like rape or if it's assault or any other option. To me it all seems very gray.",MagpieWithPebbles,1,0,6,2020-02-06 19:30:29,rapecounseling,"My ex husband psychologically and emotionally abused me through the last five years. I know that. I'm confident in being able to look at the facts and say that, yes, that was abuse. Toward the end of our relationship he allowed another man to rape me. (I'm honestly still on the fence about saying it was outright rape, mostly just because that's a hefty accusation to levy and I allowed myself to be in that situation). But he talked me into having a threesome and held my wrists down as the other guy had anal intercourse with me. It hurt. A lot. And I screamed. But I never said no, or stop, or anything like that. I just stared at his hands on my wrists. And almost as soon as it was done I wiped it from my memory. It wasn't until I was telling my mom about all the small, vague occurrences that I had a sudden flashback and I was right there again, staring at my wrists. I can hear their voices still (this happened in September). I strongly feel that this was at least assault. But there are other things about my sexual history with my ex I'm struggling to define. He was my first relationship. He would do things like touch me in public, overzealously 'cuddle' even when I said no, coerce me to perform sexually at friends and family's houses, and often times I would wake up to him on top of me, already fucking me. One time he even split me open to the point I was bleeding and it hurt to sit. Eventually, I started losing memory from times when I was drowsy or tipsy, or asleep. It all seemed so normal. I guess, I just need to know if any of this sounds like rape or if it's assault or any other option. To me it all seems very gray.",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,the abusive sex with your ex,,,,True,202 ejb3mo,Sad,1a,rant,1,"I feel like there is nothing left for me and that my life is falling apart. no one texts me or checks up on me anymore. i need it now more than ever. i don’t wanna live any more. i’m singled out at work, i don’t fit in i feel like i can’t do anything right. i’m stuck doing the most boring job for hours on end while my boss lets the other do the more fun jobs. i feel like i’m always given the short end of the stick. as far as my relationship goes. i know he cares deeply but he pulls me away from my friends and he keeps his friends close to him idk how he does it bc i can never talk to mine he says. my friends don’t text me anymore. his friend that’s a girl is texting him abt her problems and when he doesn’t answer she texts his mom and i don’t like it and i don’t know what to even do. i feel like i need a new start but i don’t want to give up.",rachjllee,1,0,4,2020-01-03 05:47:54,sad,"I feel like there is nothing left for me and that my life is falling apart. no one texts me or checks up on me anymore. i need it now more than ever. i don’t wanna live any more. i’m singled out at work, i don’t fit in i feel like i can’t do anything right. i’m stuck doing the most boring job for hours on end while my boss lets the other do the more fun jobs. i feel like i’m always given the short end of the stick. as far as my relationship goes. i know he cares deeply but he pulls me away from my friends and he keeps his friends close to him idk how he does it bc i can never talk to mine he says. my friends don’t text me anymore. his friend that’s a girl is texting him abt her problems and when he doesn’t answer she texts his mom and i don’t like it and i don’t know what to even do. i feel like i need a new start but i don’t want to give up.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel lonely and singled out,,True,220 elor7b,Highly recommend. This short collection of poetry is a mess of thoughts that I feel really understood me!! 11/10.,0,chitchat,1,,n0tcharmed,1,0,0,2020-01-08 06:08:32,mentalillness,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 emjxzz,Nothing good seems to happen to me anymore and I feel like I have nothing to live for now.,1a,rant,2,"A little over a year ago, I met some fantastic people. They were really nice people and were very important to me. I met these people at a local theater when I was doing tech crew for one of the shows there. I made one of them mad at me, and we don't talk anymore. She was my favorite. Recently, another one moved away and stopped going to that theater, and now none of my texts are being sent to her. I only have one of those people left, but I always feel like I'm annoying her with how much I ask her for advice. The theater isn't nearly as fun as it used to be and there aren't any other good people there (it's mostly annoying little kids). I just feel like those days that I enjoyed myself are over now. I lost 2 people that I really cared about. I want to talk to one of my friends about it, but most of them make fun of me for it and I feel like I'm annoying everyone else by talking about it. I feel like I have nothing to live for and nothing to look forward to. I don't think I'll ever meet anyone like those people ever again and now I'm busy most of the time. I just don't think it's worth living anymore and I don't know what to do about this.",Isuckatlifee,1,0,2,2020-01-10 01:53:56,selfhelp,"A little over a year ago, I met some fantastic people. They were really nice people and were very important to me. I met these people at a local theater when I was doing tech crew for one of the shows there. I made one of them mad at me, and we don't talk anymore. She was my favorite. Recently, another one moved away and stopped going to that theater, and now none of my texts are being sent to her. I only have one of those people left, but I always feel like I'm annoying her with how much I ask her for advice. The theater isn't nearly as fun as it used to be and there aren't any other good people there (it's mostly annoying little kids). I just feel like those days that I enjoyed myself are over now. I lost 2 people that I really cared about. I want to talk to one of my friends about it, but most of them make fun of me for it and I feel like I'm annoying everyone else by talking about it. I feel like I have nothing to live for and nothing to look forward to. I don't think I'll ever meet anyone like those people ever again and now I'm busy most of the time. I just don't think it's worth living anymore and I don't know what to do about this.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you miss those 2 people you cared about,,True,220 emq9tf,I don't know what to do with my life. It feels as if everything I do ends up in failure.,1a,help-seeking,2,"Quick introduction: I'm a 24-year-old Dutch guy studying for his master's degree in Antwerp. I've had previous issues with depression and social anxiety and fortunately learned how to cope with those issues to a certain degree. But as I've moved to a different city (and a different country), I find myself struggling with the same problems again. I haven't been able to make any friends here because I'm too shy and too self-aware to just go out and talk to others. Of the six courses I have this semester, I've already dropped one (hope to finish it in the summer) and I feel like I won't get any good grades for the other courses either. On top of that, because of how I'm feeling lately, I'm having trouble motivating myself to keep studying or to even get out of bed on time. I just don't want to fail at this. I don't want this to be another undertaking that goes completely south. I've already had so much failure in my life that I feel I can't handle making this another mistake. I just want some fucking good stuff to happen to me instead of always feeling like shit or feeling like I or anything I do won't matter in the long run. Don't know if there's anyone who can give any advice (or if this is the right place to post this) but at least I've put it out there.",LeoDesperado24,1,0,11,2020-01-10 12:25:56,selfhelp,"Quick introduction: I'm a 24-year-old Dutch guy studying for his master's degree in Antwerp. I've had previous issues with depression and social anxiety and fortunately learned how to cope with those issues to a certain degree. But as I've moved to a different city (and a different country), I find myself struggling with the same problems again. I haven't been able to make any friends here because I'm too shy and too self-aware to just go out and talk to others. Of the six courses I have this semester, I've already dropped one (hope to finish it in the summer) and I feel like I won't get any good grades for the other courses either. On top of that, because of how I'm feeling lately, I'm having trouble motivating myself to keep studying or to even get out of bed on time. I just don't want to fail at this. I don't want this to be another undertaking that goes completely south. I've already had so much failure in my life that I feel I can't handle making this another mistake. I just want some fucking good stuff to happen to me instead of always feeling like shit or feeling like I or anything I do won't matter in the long run. Don't know if there's anyone who can give any advice (or if this is the right place to post this) but at least I've put it out there.",2,1,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how your depression and social anxiety make you feel,,,,True,212 eib72q,The Last Hug,0,rant,2,"It was the day. The day she had been dreading all year for. April 12, 2007, when her daddy leaves for the army. She wakes up, her eyes fluttering open, and the sunshine peaking through her closed curtains. But there was nothing sunshine about this day. Just outside, was the truck she hated to see. The camo truck parked in her driveway, ready to take her father away from her. She walks downstairs to mother and father saying goodbye. The father looks at his 8 year old daughter, turning 9 today, and bends down with his arms open. She rushes to him and leaps into his arms. She give him a hug. A hug she had never done to anyone before. Her trip losens and her father let's go of her and starts heading to the door. There he was, ready to get into the truck when his daughter ran out after him, telling him to wait. She quickly whispers something in his ear, then walks away as he smiles and closes the door, the army car swallowing him up. She waits by her window sill looking out her window waiting to see the army truck pull into their driveway again. She won't forget the words she told her father, ""I love you, daddy."" She hasn't seen her father in 19 years.",xXBleachlessXx,1,0,1,2020-01-01 00:15:25,sad,"It was the day. The day she had been dreading all year for. April 12, 2007, when her daddy leaves for the army. She wakes up, her eyes fluttering open, and the sunshine peaking through her closed curtains. But there was nothing sunshine about this day. Just outside, was the truck she hated to see. The camo truck parked in her driveway, ready to take her father away from her. She walks downstairs to mother and father saying goodbye. The father looks at his 8 year old daughter, turning 9 today, and bends down with his arms open. She rushes to him and leaps into his arms. She give him a hug. A hug she had never done to anyone before. Her trip losens and her father let's go of her and starts heading to the door. There he was, ready to get into the truck when his daughter ran out after him, telling him to wait. She quickly whispers something in his ear, then walks away as he smiles and closes the door, the army car swallowing him up. She waits by her window sill looking out her window waiting to see the army truck pull into their driveway again. She won't forget the words she told her father, ""I love you, daddy."" She hasn't seen her father in 19 years.",2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,the memory ,What do you need help with now that X?,you miss your father,,True,200 f5mzej,My ex abuses me and threatens to have my son taken away from me,1b,help-seeking,2,"Can someone please tell me what I can do about this? My heads been very messed up and I've no idea what is real or not anymore. My ex boyfriend sexually abuses me. We are not together anymore but I still live in the same house. I can't afford to move out on my own. We have a 1 yr old son and my ex constantly tells me that if I move out I can't take my son with me because he will go for full custody and win and I'll never see him again. I am so very distressed. My son is my life! I love that kid more than anything. I'm so terrified of losing him. Me and my son sleep in a different room. But my ex won't ever let me shut the door says it's his house he makes the rules. He'll come into my room at night and just demand sex. He hits me when I try hiding from him. Everytime I always say no and try to make him leave. He's a pretty big guy and can be very intimidating. It's hard to fight him off of me and I usually never can. it's also very traumatising since I'm trying to be quiet so I don't wake Bub up because I don't want him to see something like that. I threaten to call police but he just laughs and says I wouldn't because then I'd lose my son 😔 He has videos on his phone of me doing some illegal drugs and doing sexual things. But these videos are from ages ago and I'd never do anything like that now that I have my son! He says it dosent matter and that he can report the videos anytime he likes and I'd lose all custody of my son and go to jail. And that he would never let me see him again. I don't understand what I'm suppose to do. I'm so terrified of going to anyone for help or reporting anything in case they take my son away. He's not in danger I'd never put him in any danger I'm just so scared of losing him. I'm so terrified it takes such a toll on me mentally I'm always stressing. I feel so stuck in my situation I don't see any way out. I am scared of my ex but I'm more scared of losing my son 😞 Please tell me how I can get help without losing him.",My_account99,1,0,2,2020-02-18 05:45:52,domesticviolence,Can someone please tell me what I can do about this? My heads been very messed up and I've no idea what is real or not anymore. My ex boyfriend sexually abuses me. We are not together anymore but I still live in the same house. I can't afford to move out on my own. We have a 1 yr old son and my ex constantly tells me that if I move out I can't take my son with me because he will go for full custody and win and I'll never see him again. I am so very distressed. My son is my life! I love that kid more than anything. I'm so terrified of losing him. Me and my son sleep in a different room. But my ex won't ever let me shut the door says it's his house he makes the rules. He'll come into my room at night and just demand sex. He hits me when I try hiding from him. Everytime I always say no and try to make him leave. He's a pretty big guy and can be very intimidating. It's hard to fight him off of me and I usually never can. it's also very traumatising since I'm trying to be quiet so I don't wake Bub up because I don't want him to see something like that. I threaten to call police but he just laughs and says I wouldn't because then I'd lose my son He has videos on his phone of me doing some illegal drugs and doing sexual things. But these videos are from ages ago and I'd never do anything like that now that I have my son! He says it dosent matter and that he can report the videos anytime he likes and I'd lose all custody of my son and go to jail. And that he would never let me see him again. I don't understand what I'm suppose to do. I'm so terrified of going to anyone for help or reporting anything in case they take my son away. He's not in danger I'd never put him in any danger I'm just so scared of losing him. I'm so terrified it takes such a toll on me mentally I'm always stressing. I feel so stuck in my situation I don't see any way out. I am scared of my ex but I'm more scared of losing my son Please tell me how I can get help without losing him.,2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ej5pqj,When i becomin unstable,0,rant,3,,ashhtreeee,78,0,4,2020-01-02 22:45:29,mentalillness,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,thought,True,000 ejkrqr,Social anxiety -> Isolement (Desperate),1a,rant,2,"I feel like I’m the only one with this big of (social) anxiety problem. I get panic attacks at almost every social situation. 3 years ago I stopped working, going to school, meeting with friends, just basically everything. I can’t do anything outside my home. I started doing therapy but a year later we didn’t make progress so they stopped helping me. At that point everything went to a max. I don’t live on myself, so getting food etc. isn’t a problem. This can be a problem, because I have no responsibility. It’s severe. A hour ago I took a walk and I’m constantly worrying about my anxiety. Most of the time it’s anxiety for anxiety and afraid of losing control. My adrenaline does it make it feel like I’m on a edge all the time. I live in a apartment so it’s quite common to walk across some close and it just freaks me out. If I’m with someone I know really well it’s very difficult, but doing it alone feels impossible. In this case I was opening the door on the first floor and I just came across people. My heart began to raise and I feel very anxious. I’m afraid someone will see my anxiety and I can’t communicate. I’ve got other anxiety problems as well like OCD (probably) so I’m often thinking maybe I need to fix others things first before I can fix my social anxiety. My confidence is really low. I don’t know what to do anymore.. I’m super ashamed of myself and dislike myself a lot. I feel very hopeless and I don’t see any way out of this. I need therapy, but I am super afraid of it. Also because I’ve had a few bad experiences with therapy. It’s about a year that my anxiety is this big and I’m so isolated. This is by far not what I want with my life, because I want to socialize etc. I just don’t know how anymore, because I’m constantly busy with myself. I’m super self aware and I hate it. I can’t even remember it anymore how it is to have a normal conversation with a strangers without being anxious.",Amygct,2,0,9,2020-01-03 19:58:22,socialanxiety,"I feel like I’m the only one with this big of (social) anxiety problem. I get panic attacks at almost every social situation. 3 years ago I stopped working, going to school, meeting with friends, just basically everything. I can’t do anything outside my home. I started doing therapy but a year later we didn’t make progress so they stopped helping me. At that point everything went to a max. I don’t live on myself, so getting food etc. isn’t a problem. This can be a problem, because I have no responsibility. It’s severe. A hour ago I took a walk and I’m constantly worrying about my anxiety. Most of the time it’s anxiety for anxiety and afraid of losing control. My adrenaline does it make it feel like I’m on a edge all the time. I live in a apartment so it’s quite common to walk across some close and it just freaks me out. If I’m with someone I know really well it’s very difficult, but doing it alone feels impossible. In this case I was opening the door on the first floor and I just came across people. My heart began to raise and I feel very anxious. I’m afraid someone will see my anxiety and I can’t communicate. I’ve got other anxiety problems as well like OCD (probably) so I’m often thinking maybe I need to fix others things first before I can fix my social anxiety. My confidence is really low. I don’t know what to do anymore.. I’m super ashamed of myself and dislike myself a lot. I feel very hopeless and I don’t see any way out of this. I need therapy, but I am super afraid of it. Also because I’ve had a few bad experiences with therapy. It’s about a year that my anxiety is this big and I’m so isolated. This is by far not what I want with my life, because I want to socialize etc. I just don’t know how anymore, because I’m constantly busy with myself. I’m super self aware and I hate it. I can’t even remember it anymore how it is to have a normal conversation with a strangers without being anxious.",2,2,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you socialize more,,True,221 ejerif,I AM FUCKIN ERRATIC YALL,1a,rant,3,"Haven’t felt this UPPITY FUCKING MANIA IN A WHILE LOL.... I keep doing weird shit when I suddenly switch to it/ but hey it’s reeling in the tips at work.... it also makes me not wanna SH SO HEY IM LIKING THIS HAHAHAHAH. Freaked out my coworkers tho. Let’s play a game.. how. Long. Can. I. Keep. This. New. Job Tehehejehhe time will fuckin tell bitches",Ohpickle94,8,0,3,2020-01-03 12:27:08,BPD,Haven’t felt this UPPITY FUCKING MANIA IN A WHILE LOL.... I keep doing weird shit when I suddenly switch to it/ but hey it’s reeling in the tips at work.... it also makes me not wanna SH SO HEY IM LIKING THIS HAHAHAHAH. Freaked out my coworkers tho. Let’s play a game.. how. Long. Can. I. Keep. This. New. Job Tehehejehhe time will fuckin tell bitches,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 eo2r8t,"In Psychiatry treatment for mental illness, Interpersonal remedies - Reciprocal treatments solve problems in people's relationships and teach new interpersonal and communication skills to improve the quality of relations.",0,chitchat,1,,yadavneuropsychiatry,1,0,0,2020-01-13 11:11:27,mentalillness,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eiuz9l,I get nervous when it comes to texting or other similar communication,1a,help-seeking,1,"I’ve been getting somewhat better at communicating irl, if we get around how awkward I can be when talking. Sometimes when I don’t talk in person it’s because I can’t figure out how to add to a conversation, with a few exceptions. Am I flawless at talking in person? No, far from it. However I get really nervous about texting, snapchatting, or what have you, and I can’t give a definitive reason why. I’ve been somewhat tempted to reach out to a few of my friends from school over break but I guess I fear being creepy or or weird in doing so, given that I haven’t really communicated with them much via text? Even with my closer friends that I’ve known for substantially longer I run into this problem. If I get a notification saying “xxxx is typing...” I’ll often wait a solid twenty minutes before even reading the message. It’s bad, I know, and I want to fix this but I don’t know where to start in doing so.",DynazT,1,0,2,2020-01-02 07:09:48,socialanxiety,"I’ve been getting somewhat better at communicating irl, if we get around how awkward I can be when talking. Sometimes when I don’t talk in person it’s because I can’t figure out how to add to a conversation, with a few exceptions. Am I flawless at talking in person? No, far from it. However I get really nervous about texting, snapchatting, or what have you, and I can’t give a definitive reason why. I’ve been somewhat tempted to reach out to a few of my friends from school over break but I guess I fear being creepy or or weird in doing so, given that I haven’t really communicated with them much via text? Even with my closer friends that I’ve known for substantially longer I run into this problem. If I get a notification saying “xxxx is typing...” I’ll often wait a solid twenty minutes before even reading the message. It’s bad, I know, and I want to fix this but I don’t know where to start in doing so.",2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,nervousness while texting,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel nervous while texting,,True,200 ej144e,"Life Hack for more Efficient Picking Up: Get Yourself Some Baskets, Ya'll!",0,chitchat,2,"It occurred to me (today, at the ripe old age of 30 years old) that most people cannot POSSIBLY spend as much time as I do putting random crap away so they can actually clean their houses. Seriously, it will take me HOURS to get all the things put back in their proper places. Why? Well, I'll fill my arms with as much stuff as I can carry, then head to the room it belongs in. Along the way, I see something that belongs in a closer room (or a room I've already done), so I'll put something I'm carrying down, and move the other thing to the closer room, where I'll usually find something else that goes to yet another closer-but-not-where-I-was-going-room, put another thing down, pick up the new thing, and go on my way. I will also likely forget where I was originally going halfway through. xD Hence, junk just gets moved around from room to room, but it doesn't ever actually get put away. I am also not disciplined enough to label all the things and make sure everything I take out gets put immediately back, often because my arms are usually filled with dogs and/or parrots (crazy animal people.) **Life Hack: Get a few collapsible ""junk"" baskets specifically for carrying stuff.** ***These are not to be confused with places for your things to live permanently, they're just for carrying!*** Any time it's time to clean up, grab one basket, throw all the things that belong in one room into that basket, and carry it to said room. Only pick up additional items if they go to that room. Rinse, repeat with other baskets. You will... 1. Stop forgetting where you're going halfway there, especially if you label the basket! xD 2. Be able to carry more things instead of going back and forth (like I do) over and over! 3. Be able to say ""no"" when you're like, ""BUT THE THING THAT I STUMBLED ON THAT IS THERE GOES TO A CLOSER ROOM"" because you know you'll come through with another junk basket later! Anyway. This was a revelation to me. Hurray unmedicated ADHD! **Bonus life hack: It turns out that you actually have to make places for things.** My mother always said, ""A place for everything, and everything in its place."" It never occurred to me before age 29 that you actually have to decide where stuff will live in your house. I just assumed other people ""just knew"" and these secret spaces existed, I just... was bad at it. *Make sure to make a place in your space for your junk baskets to live! <3* Anyway. Picking up is hard. TIL!",fairyqueenthrowaway,1,0,6,2020-01-02 17:23:39,ADHD,"It occurred to me (today, at the ripe old age of 30 years old) that most people cannot POSSIBLY spend as much time as I do putting random crap away so they can actually clean their houses. Seriously, it will take me HOURS to get all the things put back in their proper places. Why? Well, I'll fill my arms with as much stuff as I can carry, then head to the room it belongs in. Along the way, I see something that belongs in a closer room (or a room I've already done), so I'll put something I'm carrying down, and move the other thing to the closer room, where I'll usually find something else that goes to yet another closer-but-not-where-I-was-going-room, put another thing down, pick up the new thing, and go on my way. I will also likely forget where I was originally going halfway through. xD Hence, junk just gets moved around from room to room, but it doesn't ever actually get put away. I am also not disciplined enough to label all the things and make sure everything I take out gets put immediately back, often because my arms are usually filled with dogs and/or parrots (crazy animal people.) **Life Hack: Get a few collapsible ""junk"" baskets specifically for carrying stuff.** ***These are not to be confused with places for your things to live permanently, they're just for carrying!*** Any time it's time to clean up, grab one basket, throw all the things that belong in one room into that basket, and carry it to said room. Only pick up additional items if they go to that room. Rinse, repeat with other baskets. You will... 1. Stop forgetting where you're going halfway there, especially if you label the basket! xD 2. Be able to carry more things instead of going back and forth (like I do) over and over! 3. Be able to say ""no"" when you're like, ""BUT THE THING THAT I STUMBLED ON THAT IS THERE GOES TO A CLOSER ROOM"" because you know you'll come through with another junk basket later! Anyway. This was a revelation to me. Hurray unmedicated ADHD! **Bonus life hack: It turns out that you actually have to make places for things.** My mother always said, ""A place for everything, and everything in its place."" It never occurred to me before age 29 that you actually have to decide where stuff will live in your house. I just assumed other people ""just knew"" and these secret spaces existed, I just... was bad at it. *Make sure to make a place in your space for your junk baskets to live! <3* Anyway. Picking up is hard. TIL!",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 eihu4m,"Not really anxiety but I’m feeling a little bit of Post Season sadness, any ways to cope?",0,help-seeking,2,"So, this was my last Christmas in school, and, now it’s over. In less than a week I’m going back to school and it’s just gonna he hammer hammer hammer with exam prep and stress and this was basically gonna be my last break. I’ve always enjoyed Christmas being a child, not even entirely for the presents, which usually children are most excited for, but I’ve always enjoyed the family time when we all get together to celebrate. It’s making me really sad to think that just last week I was having the time of my life and now I’m instantly back into reality again, and I guess I just can’t take this, knowing that no fun events are going to take place for months ahead now and I’ve got fucking tons of exams to take. Literally just walking around seeing Christmas trees or decorations or seasonal things makes me instantly sad knowing it’s gone. I was just wondering if anyone knew any methods of coping with this because I’d like to enjoy the last small amount of time I have remaining and it’s really difficult for me to right now, thanks.",NerfDogRider,1,0,0,2020-01-01 12:24:01,Anxiety,"So, this was my last Christmas in school, and, now it’s over. In less than a week I’m going back to school and it’s just gonna he hammer hammer hammer with exam prep and stress and this was basically gonna be my last break. I’ve always enjoyed Christmas being a child, not even entirely for the presents, which usually children are most excited for, but I’ve always enjoyed the family time when we all get together to celebrate. It’s making me really sad to think that just last week I was having the time of my life and now I’m instantly back into reality again, and I guess I just can’t take this, knowing that no fun events are going to take place for months ahead now and I’ve got fucking tons of exams to take. Literally just walking around seeing Christmas trees or decorations or seasonal things makes me instantly sad knowing it’s gone. I was just wondering if anyone knew any methods of coping with this because I’d like to enjoy the last small amount of time I have remaining and it’s really difficult for me to right now, thanks.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 ejaf4k,😒🔫,0,chitchat,5,,bison0,1120,0,70,2020-01-03 04:48:02,socialanxiety,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 ey8wlo,Getting Over My Past Haunting Me,0,help-seeking,1,"This is going to be my last post here, I hope. I’m tired of being worried about stupid stuff like things that happened years ago. Thing is, I’ve already gotten plenty of help, including how to forgive myself for those stupid actions, reaching out to the people affected for closure, and even finding out why I may have started in the first place. After learning I had Asperger’s, I was a bit irritated, but SUPER relieved. It explained a lot of my behavior back then, and gave me a good look on what I really should try working on. Only now, I can only imagine having my dreams shattered because someone doesn’t give a care about how much I’ve learned and grown. I get it’s selfish it think that way, but imagine being so afraid to take that first step into creating game media because something may happen to screw it all up. I want to do something that people wouldn’t mind trying out, I want to do more for the people I work with or are just in need. I don’t want to be seen as a bad person anymore, and I don’t know if building the courage to live on is worth it.",Sardony,1,0,0,2020-02-03 15:41:21,getting_over_it,"This is going to be my last post here, I hope. I’m tired of being worried about stupid stuff like things that happened years ago. Thing is, I’ve already gotten plenty of help, including how to forgive myself for those stupid actions, reaching out to the people affected for closure, and even finding out why I may have started in the first place. After learning I had Asperger’s, I was a bit irritated, but SUPER relieved. It explained a lot of my behavior back then, and gave me a good look on what I really should try working on. Only now, I can only imagine having my dreams shattered because someone doesn’t give a care about how much I’ve learned and grown. I get it’s selfish it think that way, but imagine being so afraid to take that first step into creating game media because something may happen to screw it all up. I want to do something that people wouldn’t mind trying out, I want to do more for the people I work with or are just in need. I don’t want to be seen as a bad person anymore, and I don’t know if building the courage to live on is worth it.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eiqdp9,An unfortunate truth,0,rant,3,,achlys_chaos,1,0,1,2020-01-02 00:29:29,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ei98b0,Just a rant,1a,rant,2,"No one ever listens to these or replies so I don't care. Not asking for advice or comfort or support anymore. I'm just tired of staying silent. It really sucks not having anyone care about me. There are those who want me to succeed and be successful and prosper in my life but they refuse to see the bigger picture; I am very close to ending my life every day. I'm disgusted with myself. I've gotten to avoiding mirrors and slathering myself in makeup to change how I look even somewhat. I've started using rubber bands to inflict pain on my wrists. I feel like a waste of life. I feel like an inconvenience. I feel like a failure. I don't want to exist on this earth. I see everyone saying 2020 will be a new year, new decade, new them. I'm happy for them. I don't see myself making it past 2020. I need therapy. I need help. I need someone to cure me or I need to buy a bullet and get this over with. I'm tired of staying silent about my issues so I can support others. I'm tired of ignoring my problems so I don't inconvenience others. I'm tired of my partner not caring about my depression. I'm fighting, everyday. I want to kill myself, everyday. He doesn't even ask how I'm doing. When he sees I'm having a terrible day, he just gets angry and annoyed. I'm tired of waking up. I'm tired of breathing. I'm tired of existing. I'm tired of fighting. I hope 2020 is the year my pain ends; whether that means I receive medication or silence. Happy new year. Hope everyone's good.",htraptor,1,0,3,2019-12-31 21:37:20,depression,"No one ever listens to these or replies so I don't care. Not asking for advice or comfort or support anymore. I'm just tired of staying silent. It really sucks not having anyone care about me. There are those who want me to succeed and be successful and prosper in my life but they refuse to see the bigger picture; I am very close to ending my life every day. I'm disgusted with myself. I've gotten to avoiding mirrors and slathering myself in makeup to change how I look even somewhat. I've started using rubber bands to inflict pain on my wrists. I feel like a waste of life. I feel like an inconvenience. I feel like a failure. I don't want to exist on this earth. I see everyone saying 2020 will be a new year, new decade, new them. I'm happy for them. I don't see myself making it past 2020. I need therapy. I need help. I need someone to cure me or I need to buy a bullet and get this over with. I'm tired of staying silent about my issues so I can support others. I'm tired of ignoring my problems so I don't inconvenience others. I'm tired of my partner not caring about my depression. I'm fighting, everyday. I want to kill myself, everyday. He doesn't even ask how I'm doing. When he sees I'm having a terrible day, he just gets angry and annoyed. I'm tired of waking up. I'm tired of breathing. I'm tired of existing. I'm tired of fighting. I hope 2020 is the year my pain ends; whether that means I receive medication or silence. Happy new year. Hope everyone's good.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,suicidal,True,222 ekfcol,25yo relapsed,1a,help-seeking,1,"I'm so tired of resorting to drinking to feel better but it's so insanely difficult because it actually works. I just need someone to talk to that can relate to this. I'm considering AA meetings but am somewhat fearful.",stevenrjj,1,0,43,2020-01-05 16:42:33,alcoholicsanonymous,I'm so tired of resorting to drinking to feel better but it's so insanely difficult because it actually works. I just need someone to talk to that can relate to this. I'm considering AA meetings but am somewhat fearful.,1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what made you feel bad,,,,,,True,122 eir4yb,(i'm a lurker) first post here,1a,chitchat,1,"usually i'm always lurking on the internet.. feeling lonely and scared right now. a lot of thoughts as usual. just tried my first cbd oil tincture drop. how are you all doing.",AcrobaticPickle,1,0,0,2020-01-02 01:29:45,Anxiety,usually i'm always lurking on the internet.. feeling lonely and scared right now. a lot of thoughts as usual. just tried my first cbd oil tincture drop. how are you all doing.,0,2,0,What made you feel X ?,lonely and scared,,,What can help you overcome X ?,this feeling of loneliness,,True,020 eibwtc,DAE hate their own art?,1a,survey,1,"I want to express myself through art so badly but whenever I try to create something, be it a movie or a painting, I just start hating it the more I work on it. I think Im just too afraid of others judging it and not liking it/thinking its cringy, even though Im not planning to show it to anyone from the start. Id just get so high/drunk that I cant think straight anymore, which is sort of the only state in which im able to focus on art a bit, but when I wake up the next day and look at it again I just think its shit and I delete it. This just makes my BPD even worse since I start feeling worthless and talentless which just loops back into hating my art. The rare cases when I actually publish something Im only able to be proud of it for a short amount of time, but after that I just delete it too.",hellokiffy,1,0,8,2020-01-01 01:14:25,BPD,"I want to express myself through art so badly but whenever I try to create something, be it a movie or a painting. I just start hating it the more I work on it. I think Im just too afraid of others judging it and not liking it/thinking its cringy, even though Im not planning to show it to anyone from the start. Id just get so high/drunk that I cant think straight anymore, which is sort of the only state in which im able to focus on art a bit, but when I wake up the next day and look at it again I just think its shit and I delete it. This just makes my BPD even worse since I start feeling worthless and talentless which just loops back into hating my art. The rare cases when I actually publish something Im only able to be proud of it for a short amount of time, but after that I just delete it too.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you not hate your art,,True,221 ei8nby,to everyone who’s suffering tonight,0,chitchat,2,"last year on new year’s eve, when my family was celebrating 2019 with champagne and good music in the living room, i was locked in the bathroom desperate, more depressed than ever, crying. i really wasn’t okay. i remember clearly telling myself « this is my last new year. i’m not gonna make it to 2020, i know i won’t ». but i’m here. i’m here and i’m a thousand times happier than i was a year ago. i made it, i survived the year. i’m living today when i thought i was never going to see this day. i thought i wasn’t strong enough. tonight i’m going to watch fireworks at midnight and it will be the best fucking moment of my life because it will make me survivor. i’m standing here one year later. i’m proud of myself. but most importantly, i’m happy. i am the living proof that things DO get better. please believe when i say that you will be okay one day. you have to hold on, you have to. i know it is so hard right now but things won’t always be so dark. please stay strong, please hold on, please stay here. to everyone that is alone tonight, to everyone that doesn’t have the energy to go out tonight, to everyone who’s going to force themselves to socialize tonight, to everyone that can’t see the end of their misery, to everyone who’s hurting, i love you. happy new year xox.",jubjuubb,1,0,9,2019-12-31 20:50:53,depression,"last year on new year’s eve, when my family was celebrating 2019 with champagne and good music in the living room, i was locked in the bathroom desperate, more depressed than ever, crying. i really wasn’t okay. i remember clearly telling myself « this is my last new year. i’m not gonna make it to 2020, i know i won’t ». but i’m here. i’m here and i’m a thousand times happier than i was a year ago. i made it, i survived the year. i’m living today when i thought i was never going to see this day. i thought i wasn’t strong enough. tonight i’m going to watch fireworks at midnight and it will be the best fucking moment of my life because it will make me survivor. i’m standing here one year later. i’m proud of myself. but most importantly, i’m happy. i am the living proof that things DO get better. please believe when i say that you will be okay one day. you have to hold on, you have to. i know it is so hard right now but things won’t always be so dark. please stay strong, please hold on, please stay here. to everyone that is alone tonight, to everyone that doesn’t have the energy to go out tonight, to everyone who’s going to force themselves to socialize tonight, to everyone that can’t see the end of their misery, to everyone who’s hurting, i love you. happy new year xox.",1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you were depressed,How did X make you feel?,depression,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel more desperate and depressed,,True,100 eifcdm,AOE get the “Feel like somebody’s watching you?”,0,survey,1,"If you had a narc friend, do you ever feel like they’re watching, spying, on you? Even hacking your phone, listening in to conversations? I’ve had this very real belief to me I can’t tell if it’s delusion or abuse but I can’t stop getting the feeling like they are spying on me. AOE?",rnizzlenay,1,0,2,2020-01-01 06:52:57,BPD,"If you had a narc friend, do you ever feel like they’re watching, spying, on you? Even hacking your phone, listening in to conversations? I’ve had this very real belief to me I can’t tell if it’s delusion or abuse but I can’t stop getting the feeling like they are spying on me. AOE?",0,2,0,What made you feel X ?,your friend is spying on you,,,What can help you overcome X ?,this feeling of being spied on,,True,020 eic6bj,Trouble keeping in touch.,1a,help-seeking,1,"I have so much trouble keeping in touch in touch through text/whatsapp etc. I always for get to reply and an too embarrassed to reply after 2 weeks or whatever. I can keep a conversation going for so long, but not indefinitely. I've lost so many friends because of this and hate how I'm so bad at keeping in touch. Any advice?",JoySparkes,1,0,6,2020-01-01 01:37:51,ADHD,"I have so much trouble keeping in touch in touch through text/whatsapp etc. I always for get to reply and an too embarrassed to reply after 2 weeks or whatever. I can keep a conversation going for so long, but not indefinitely. I've lost so many friends because of this and hate how I'm so bad at keeping in touch. Any advice?",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you to remember to reply,,True,221 el347m,Therapist experience in treating substance use,0,chitchat,4,"This is a paper I wrote from my experience as a therapist working in the field of substance abuse: Addicts experience something breathtaking when they can stretch their vision of themselves from the immediate present back to the past that shaped them and forward to a future that’s attainable and satisfying – Marc Lewis How do you convince someone that their ability to make decisions is compromised as a result of something in their brain that is influencing the determination of their decisions before they even make them? This phenomenon becomes more prevalent on a daily basis when working with those who are suffering with substance use disorders. The predicament arises in the fact that because individuals are conscious, they believe they are in complete control over the decisions that they make. These decisions that are made, to the individual, are grounded in reason and rational thinking that is aimed with their best interest in mind. Unfortunately, these decisions have the capacity for self-destruction because due to the troubled history that each person has encountered. Memory has an integral role in decisions. Memory utilizes the past to understand the present to anticipate the future. If an individual’s past has had trauma and many forms of distress, their memory is going to ensure that their decisions are protective in nature. This means that decisions will be geared towards the avoidance of pain, avoidance of discomfort, the avoidance of stress, and ultimately, the avoidance of change. This is troubling because when exploring healthy life changes with someone, a therapist will encourage that individual to identify changes that can be made that will hopefully improve that person’s quality of life. That is where the challenge arises. Ideally, someone can gain insight and harness motivation to change to make positive life adjustments. The thing is, this does not always work out because something stops that individual from drawing power from their insight and turning it into behaviors that are conducive to a new way of life. This leads to frustration, shame, guilt, and eventually depression as someone who has all of the desire to make changes, just cannot put it together to make a difference. One begins to learn that the unconscious mind often has a completely different agenda than the individual. One learns that there is comfort in the chaos because it is familiar, even to the point where the chaos leads to complete isolation, socially, physically, and emotionally. ​When looking at the benefits of using substances/alcohol, it cannot be ignored that the effects of the high, produce such a powerful feeling of safety and security. The high is a safe experience and no matter how much pain an individual encounters, the high is there to shield them from the full impact of the situation. It is impossible to isolate addiction to one singular event in time, however, different forms of trauma are the one trait that all of my clients have experienced. I have learned that addiction always begins with pain and always ends with pain. The high feels like that surge of warmth and protection that comes from the embrace of a loved one or the love that was missing for an individual who never had the opportunity to experience it. It is no surprise that opioids are the endorphins that are released in the human body when a mother is holding and begins to soothe her distressed infant. Unfortunately, the high turns on the user and the individual becomes even more trapped in walls of isolation that are reinforced by bricks of shame, fear, and despair, but this is still a state of being that is desired because life on life’s terms is too overwhelming and unbearable. The frustrating part of addiction is the desperation to get clean when using, but also the desperation to get high when clean. Where does someone turn when stuck in this persistent state of hopeless of always knowing where they want to be, but never being where they are? ​The effects of the environment on the individual are impactful. Fortunately, this is something that can be utilized to foster change. I have heard that the goal of psychotherapy should always be security. This is a challenge in itself because if someone has grown up in a toxic environment with abuse or neglect, the body is going to not allow the individual to feel secure and thus change is ultimately prevented. I have seen and explored this problem through my work and through my own experience. The answer has to be connection. Connection to a person, who provides unconditional positive regard, like Carl Rogers emphasized. This person can be the therapist or another person, who can provide the stability and unwavering support that conveys the message that I am here with you no matter what your emotions and feelings tell you. The therapist/person has to show the individual through their personality and support, that they can be the safety net the person needs. This happens through sending cues of safety that help the other person start to turn off that flight or fight response system or the withdrawal system. This is not an easy process, but through consistent support, it can be accomplished. If an environment caused an individual to make decisions that are protective to adapt to that environment, an environment can also be fostered to illustrate to that person that they don’t always have to protect themselves and that there is so much power in vulnerability. Through trust and support, a person can learn how to tell his or her body “calm down, were not in danger,” and allow themselves to experience the freedoms that connection can offer. Through co-regulation (learning how to manage emotional states with someone else) with someone, a person can eventually learn self-regulation (self-soothe). They can learn that they can manage the pain that is inevitable in life. People will always experience pain in life, that is a reality. The growth starts when people lead that they don’t have to face the pain alone. Through connections with other people, those suffering with substance use disorders can learn that they do not need use drugs to get their needs met because they can get those needs through other people, naturally. Change will always be hard, but through support change doesn’t have to about suffering and can lead to new meaning.",muffinlover22,1,0,1,2020-01-07 00:24:02,addiction,"This is a paper I wrote from my experience as a therapist working in the field of substance abuse: Addicts experience something breathtaking when they can stretch their vision of themselves from the immediate present back to the past that shaped them and forward to a future that’s attainable and satisfying – Marc Lewis How do you convince someone that their ability to make decisions is compromised as a result of something in their brain that is influencing the determination of their decisions before they even make them? This phenomenon becomes more prevalent on a daily basis when working with those who are suffering with substance use disorders. The predicament arises in the fact that because individuals are conscious, they believe they are in complete control over the decisions that they make. These decisions that are made, to the individual, are grounded in reason and rational thinking that is aimed with their best interest in mind. Unfortunately, these decisions have the capacity for self-destruction because due to the troubled history that each person has encountered. Memory has an integral role in decisions. Memory utilizes the past to understand the present to anticipate the future. If an individual’s past has had trauma and many forms of distress, their memory is going to ensure that their decisions are protective in nature. This means that decisions will be geared towards the avoidance of pain, avoidance of discomfort, the avoidance of stress, and ultimately, the avoidance of change. This is troubling because when exploring healthy life changes with someone, a therapist will encourage that individual to identify changes that can be made that will hopefully improve that person’s quality of life. That is where the challenge arises. Ideally, someone can gain insight and harness motivation to change to make positive life adjustments. The thing is, this does not always work out because something stops that individual from drawing power from their insight and turning it into behaviors that are conducive to a new way of life. This leads to frustration, shame, guilt, and eventually depression as someone who has all of the desire to make changes, just cannot put it together to make a difference. One begins to learn that the unconscious mind often has a completely different agenda than the individual. One learns that there is comfort in the chaos because it is familiar, even to the point where the chaos leads to complete isolation, socially, physically, and emotionally. ​When looking at the benefits of using substances/alcohol, it cannot be ignored that the effects of the high, produce such a powerful feeling of safety and security. The high is a safe experience and no matter how much pain an individual encounters, the high is there to shield them from the full impact of the situation. It is impossible to isolate addiction to one singular event in time, however, different forms of trauma are the one trait that all of my clients have experienced. I have learned that addiction always begins with pain and always ends with pain. The high feels like that surge of warmth and protection that comes from the embrace of a loved one or the love that was missing for an individual who never had the opportunity to experience it. It is no surprise that opioids are the endorphins that are released in the human body when a mother is holding and begins to soothe her distressed infant. Unfortunately, the high turns on the user and the individual becomes even more trapped in walls of isolation that are reinforced by bricks of shame, fear, and despair, but this is still a state of being that is desired because life on life’s terms is too overwhelming and unbearable. The frustrating part of addiction is the desperation to get clean when using, but also the desperation to get high when clean. Where does someone turn when stuck in this persistent state of hopeless of always knowing where they want to be, but never being where they are? ​The effects of the environment on the individual are impactful. Fortunately, this is something that can be utilized to foster change. I have heard that the goal of psychotherapy should always be security. This is a challenge in itself because if someone has grown up in a toxic environment with abuse or neglect, the body is going to not allow the individual to feel secure and thus change is ultimately prevented. I have seen and explored this problem through my work and through my own experience. The answer has to be connection. Connection to a person, who provides unconditional positive regard, like Carl Rogers emphasized. This person can be the therapist or another person, who can provide the stability and unwavering support that conveys the message that I am here with you no matter what your emotions and feelings tell you. The therapist/person has to show the individual through their personality and support, that they can be the safety net the person needs. This happens through sending cues of safety that help the other person start to turn off that flight or fight response system or the withdrawal system. This is not an easy process, but through consistent support, it can be accomplished. If an environment caused an individual to make decisions that are protective to adapt to that environment, an environment can also be fostered to illustrate to that person that they don’t always have to protect themselves and that there is so much power in vulnerability. Through trust and support, a person can learn how to tell his or her body “calm down, were not in danger,” and allow themselves to experience the freedoms that connection can offer. Through co-regulation (learning how to manage emotional states with someone else) with someone, a person can eventually learn self-regulation (self-soothe). They can learn that they can manage the pain that is inevitable in life. People will always experience pain in life, that is a reality. The growth starts when people lead that they don’t have to face the pain alone. Through connections with other people, those suffering with substance use disorders can learn that they do not need use drugs to get their needs met because they can get those needs through other people, naturally. Change will always be hard, but through support change doesn’t have to about suffering and can lead to new meaning.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 ekgzwy,At a corporate job do you usually have to eat lunch with other workers?,0,survey,1,"Just wondering. I would much rather eat alone or go out to eat (or pretend to go out to eat, and bring my brown bag and turkey sandwich with me).",Express_Exit,1,0,1,2020-01-05 18:38:49,socialanxiety,"Just wondering. I would much rather eat alone or go out to eat (or pretend to go out to eat, and bring my brown bag and turkey sandwich with me).",0,0,2,What happened that you want X ?,to eat alone,What caused you to need X ?,to pretend going out to eat,,,,True,002 ei8k9c,New Year,1a,rant,1,"Time to drink my feelings away and hope for the best. I've been feeling so fucking sad and numb, I just wanna get drunk and forget it all for a bit, or feel it all at once, I honestly don't know. Let's move on to another shitty year in our lives, happy new year for you guys.",slendersproxyy,1,0,1,2019-12-31 20:44:05,depression,"Time to drink my feelings away and hope for the best. I've been feeling so fucking sad and numb, I just wanna get drunk and forget it all for a bit, or feel it all at once, I honestly don't know. Let's move on to another shitty year in our lives, happy new year for you guys.",0,2,0,What made you feel X ?,sad and numb,,,What can help you overcome X ?,your sadness,,True,020 euism8,"I'm no one, I've had a void all my life, I have no passion and I am tired",1a,rant,2,"This is a problem that has accompanied me since I have memory. Most people seem to have ""something"", art, music, the environment, carpentry, sports. But I never had it. Since I was a child I have been complexed by this, I have tried millions of different sports and activities, trying to find my ""passion"", however, I feel increasingly hopeless. I try to fill my identity gap with things that I think I am or that I would like to be. I thought I was good at debating and that that could be ""my thing"", so I debated people. I thought it was the dance, the drawing, the singing; None ever filled me, the pressure of doing something deep to prove I was an artist caused me anxiety. Now I ""hate"" those things. I tried reading, I loved reading when I was about 6 years old. But the pressure continued. I feel an endless void, I have read many times the question of ""what would you do if you were not paid and you had to devote your whole life to it?"" I've been around for years, and I still don't know what to answer. I don't know who I am, I don't know what I do. When I arrive from school I only use my cell phone or watch television, but do I really like to do those things? It feels like I only use them to pass the time. I don't want to keep trying to discover myself, I'm fed up. But the feeling in my chest does not leave me, I just want to find that ""something"" that fills me. I am nobody, I feel that throughout my life I have copied the personalities of others for lack of my own. In classes we have done many exercises to discover our vocation, many include that others tell you that you are good. When my turn comes, I only hear that I am ""funny"" and ""loyal."" I internalize my thoughts for fear that they will play against me, but in the end internarlizar them was the cause. I feel lonely and I don't fit anywhere, I just want to be myself but I don't even know who I am.",beenguin,1,0,15,2020-01-27 04:28:35,selfhelp," I'm no one, I've had a void all my life, I have no passion and I am tired This is a problem that has accompanied me since I have memory. Most people seem to have ""something"", art, music, the environment, carpentry, sports. But I never had it. Since I was a child I have been complexed by this, I have tried millions of different sports and activities, trying to find my ""passion"", however, I feel increasingly hopeless. I try to fill my identity gap with things that I think I am or that I would like to be. I thought I was good at debating and that that could be ""my thing"", so I debated people. I thought it was the dance, the drawing, the singing; None ever filled me, the pressure of doing something deep to prove I was an artist caused me anxiety. Now I ""hate"" those things. I tried reading, I loved reading when I was about 6 years old. But the pressure continued. I feel an endless void, I have read many times the question of ""what would you do if you were not paid and you had to devote your whole life to it?"" I've been around for years, and I still don't know what to answer. I don't know who I am, I don't know what I do. When I arrive from school I only use my cell phone or watch television, but do I really like to do those things? It feels like I only use them to pass the time. I don't want to keep trying to discover myself, I'm fed up. But the feeling in my chest does not leave me, I just want to find that ""something"" that fills me. I am nobody, I feel that throughout my life I have copied the personalities of others for lack of my own. In classes we have done many exercises to discover our vocation, many include that others tell you that you are good. When my turn comes, I only hear that I am ""funny"" and ""loyal."" I internalize my thoughts for fear that they will play against me, but in the end internarlizar them was the cause. I feel lonely and I don't fit anywhere, I just want to be myself but I don't even know who I am.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel you have no personality of your own,,True,220 eic5ny,I hate my life,1a,rant,1,It's 3 am and while everyone is out having fun I'm sitting here alone not being able to sleep and thinking about cutting myself. I have no friends and am not special in any way. I fucking hate my life,omgguysitsathrowaway,1,0,2,2020-01-01 01:36:21,depression,It's 3 am and while everyone is out having fun I'm sitting here alone not being able to sleep and thinking about cutting myself. I have no friends and am not special in any way. I fucking hate my life,1,1,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you hate life,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about life,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel lonely,,True,110 ekmg4y,My country is burning. The animals are burning. We are burning.,0,rant,1,,MrReeRee,1,0,41,2020-01-06 01:19:39,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 epfokj,I don't know who I am without my mental illnesses,1a,rant,1,"My mental illnesses dictate so much of my daily life that I genuinely don't know what life would be like without them. I've wasted so much of what should have been very formative years for me caught up in being sad or anxious or hating myself all the time that I feel like I never got the chance to develop a personality separate from my illnesses. That makes me terrified of recovery, feeling like my illnesses are a part of me to my very core. It just fucking sucks, man.",TheMilkierMan,1,0,3,2020-01-16 06:45:53,mentalillness,"My mental illnesses dictate so much of my daily life that I genuinely don't know what life would be like without them. I've wasted so much of what should have been very formative years for me caught up in being sad or anxious or hating myself all the time that I feel like I never got the chance to develop a personality separate from my illnesses. That makes me terrified of recovery, feeling like my illnesses are a part of me to my very core. It just fucking sucks, man.",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your mental illnesses,,,What do you need help with now that X?,your illness wasted so much of your time,,True,120 ei98vw,I'm not good enough for anyone,1a,rant,1,"That's why everyone feels so distant, right? I can't be a good son or a good brother, I can't be an interesting friend. There's nothing interesting about me, I can't even keep an engaging conversation. People always will prefer other people because there's no reason to prefer me. It's better to just keep sleeping and not bother anyone, I guess.",Hater2504,1,0,0,2019-12-31 21:38:29,depression,"That's why everyone feels so distant, right? I can't be a good son or a good brother, I can't be an interesting friend. There's nothing interesting about me, I can't even keep an engaging conversation. People always will prefer other people because there's no reason to prefer me. It's better to just keep sleeping and not bother anyone, I guess.",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you think there's nothing interesting about you,,,What can help you overcome X ?,this feeling of being so distant,,True,120 eowuyc,I’m sick,1a,help-seeking,1,"This is almost like a cry for help. I have problems where I can not let things go, I’d go so far to say it would be extreme anger issues, but I’m only explosive when it comes to family, but when strangers on the internet (who are oh so careless about their information on the internet) decide to pick fights over the littlest of things that I say, I bottle it up inside to the point I concoct elaborate schemes to get rid of them, to relieve the pressure. My life is that of a normal persons, acquaintances, family, a wife, two sons. It is incredibly difficult as they are all as dumb as a bag of hammers, whilst I have an undergraduate degree under my belt, and my coworkers are nothing more than mongoloids and simpletons. I consistently drive around at night on the backroads of the county so I can relieve some of the pressure of my sickness. A therapist is not an option, or psychologist, so don’t even suggest it. Tips on calming the storm, or slowing the build of the pressure would be appreciated.",gre3nsky,1,0,5,2020-01-15 03:42:32,mentalillness,"This is almost like a cry for help. I have problems where I can not let things go, I’d go so far to say it would be extreme anger issues, but I’m only explosive when it comes to family, but when strangers on the internet (who are oh so careless about their information on the internet) decide to pick fights over the littlest of things that I say, I bottle it up inside to the point I concoct elaborate schemes to get rid of them, to relieve the pressure. My life is that of a normal persons, acquaintances, family, a wife, two sons. It is incredibly difficult as they are all as dumb as a bag of hammers, whilst I have an undergraduate degree under my belt, and my coworkers are nothing more than mongoloids and simpletons. I consistently drive around at night on the backroads of the county so I can relieve some of the pressure of my sickness. A therapist is not an option, or psychologist, so don’t even suggest it. Tips on calming the storm, or slowing the build of the pressure would be appreciated.",2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,bottling things,,,,True,202 eqpljl,"I can't help myself, only others can help me.",1a,rant,1,"I'm 23 years old, and I genuinely think it's impossible to help myself. Anytime something makes me really really upset, which can be even the littlest problems, I get super depressed and am basically crippled in my bed. Then I spend hours venting to people all over the internet, or people I know in real life about my issues. Only other people can help me. The only reason I haven't comitted suicide years ago is because of other people. But if it were all up to me and there was no one around for me to cry to, I would have swallowed a bunch of sleeping pills and sleep forever. I hate my life, I hate that I was born, I hate the 10 therapists that couldn't help me, i hate the group therapy programs I've been in, I hate the institution I've been sent too, and I hate that I can't do anything right in life... I even hate the people I talk to because they can't always help me. I hate myself, and I hate my life. Secretly, I'm hoping everyone will just give up on me so finally I can have a good reason to commit suicide.",Yodawg658,1,0,8,2020-01-19 01:12:26,getting_over_it,"I'm 23 years old, and I genuinely think it's impossible to help myself. Anytime something makes me really really upset, which can be even the littlest problems, I get super depressed and am basically crippled in my bed. Then I spend hours venting to people all over the internet, or people I know in real life about my issues. Only other people can help me. The only reason I haven't comitted suicide years ago is because of other people. But if it were all up to me and there was no one around for me to cry to, I would have swallowed a bunch of sleeping pills and sleep forever. I hate my life, I hate that I was born, I hate the 10 therapists that couldn't help me, i hate the group therapy programs I've been in, I hate the institution I've been sent too, and I hate that I can't do anything right in life... I even hate the people I talk to because they can't always help me. I hate myself, and I hate my life. Secretly, I'm hoping everyone will just give up on me so finally I can have a good reason to commit suicide.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how others can help you deal with depression,,True,221 ek8atn,Fuck it. Let's go,1c,rant,2,,MasterOfTheWaters63,2,0,29,2020-01-05 04:52:37,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eizh84,Is it odd that I talk to myself as if I’m hosting some sort of video?,0,help-seeking,1,Sometimes I sporadically just talk to myself about my hobby’s or like I review a video game I’ve been playing recently to myself when no one is around. Whenever I’m bored I find myself acting as if I’m a YouTuber or just talking to someone lmao. It’s harmless and I don’t do it with other people around. It’s definitely due to my ADHD and very low attention span. Anyone else do this? And is it odd?,judemarino1,1,0,13,2020-01-02 15:19:12,ADHD,Sometimes I sporadically just talk to myself about my hobby’s or like I review a video game I’ve been playing recently to myself when no one is around. Whenever I’m bored I find myself acting as if I’m a YouTuber or just talking to someone lmao. It’s harmless and I don’t do it with other people around. It’s definitely due to my ADHD and very low attention span. Anyone else do this? And is it odd?,2,0,2,,,,,,,,True,202 ej27bm,Self actualisation blog,0,chitchat,4,,dakshrai,1,0,0,2020-01-02 18:42:00,selfhelp,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,Not a post,True,000 eic44e,How does anyone get over the fact that we don't matter in 50 100 500 years?,0,help-seeking,1,,TheOwningBum,1,0,0,2020-01-01 01:32:29,depression,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,"title,thought",True,000 eksjb7,"""have a good day""",0,chitchat,4,,diaryintroverts,1,0,4,2020-01-06 10:49:26,socialanxiety,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ekoi6g,Been Off My Meds and Scared for the Future,1b,survey,1,"I have been off my meds I was watching a YouTube video about this old blind bag that predicted 9/11 she was Russian something like that Babylon Vegas. No it was Banban Vargas. I feel unsafe when people are psychic and predict the future it makes me afraid. Anybody get scared of the future like impending doom type of stuff?",screwedintheheadyes,1,0,2,2020-01-06 04:03:34,mentalillness,I have been off my meds I was watching a YouTube video about this old blind bag that predicted 9/11 she was Russian something like that Babylon Vegas. No it was Banban Vargas. I feel unsafe when people are psychic and predict the future it makes me afraid. Anybody get scared of the future like impending doom type of stuff?,1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why psychic people make you feel unsafe,,,,,,True,122 eleelh,How to not fall down the pit again?,0,help-seeking,1,"I've been feeling good in December and through Christmas. But now I see myself going down, going back to university life, the perspective of near exams, the current political situation and on top of that the suicide of my former classmate I recently learned about - all of it makes me uneasy and upset. I don't want to go back down, I'm on meds and in therapy (that I thought finally pulled me out of the darkness, maybe I was to quick to be that optimistic). Do you have any advice to prevent myself from falling down again?",sangriasky,1,0,4,2020-01-07 17:13:58,getting_over_it,"I've been feeling good in December and through Christmas. But now I see myself going down, going back to university life, the perspective of near exams, the current political situation and on top of that the suicide of my former classmate. I recently learned about - all of it makes me uneasy and upset. I don't want to go back down. I'm on meds and in therapy (that I thought finally pulled me out of the darkness, maybe I was to quick to be that optimistic). Do you have any advice to prevent myself from falling down again?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eihqar,Alternatives to AA or NA,0,help-seeking,1,Does anyone know of any support Groups similar to AA or NA that aren't bible-thumping asshats? Any info is welcomed. Four days clean. I hope I'm strong enough to keep it that way.,Nero-hiragi,1,0,11,2020-01-01 12:09:22,OpiatesRecovery,Does anyone know of any support Groups similar to AA or NA that aren't bible-thumping asshats? Any info is welcomed. Four days clean. I hope I'm strong enough to keep it that way.,0,0,2,What happened that you want X ?,to know groups similar to AA or NA,What caused you to need X ?,the help of support groups,,,,True,002 frskq8,I’m sad.,0,rant,1,"I finally finished the game (it was tough). And I pressed (quit) in the >chatroom<, after that I was like, cool, I beat the game. And I wanted to go back in. What do I see? NEW GAME. ;-; oof.",Luci12321,1,0,8,2020-03-30 15:13:22,getting_over_it,"I finally finished the game (it was tough). And I pressed (quit) in the >chatroom<, after that I was like, cool, I beat the game. And I wanted to go back in. What do I see? NEW GAME. ;-; oof.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eic1if,Feeling Sad,1a,chitchat,1,"Have you ever felt so sad and down, you just feel numb and don’t want to do anything? Especially being New Years, I’m hoping for a great year and decade ahead.",travel_fan93,1,0,0,2020-01-01 01:26:03,sad,"Have you ever felt so sad and down, you just feel numb and don’t want to do anything? Especially being New Years, I’m hoping for a great year and decade ahead.",0,2,0,What made you feel X ?,so sad and numb,,,What can help you overcome X ?,this sad feeling on new year,,True,020 fc5owe,"Trying to get over some insecurities developed when I was younger, looking for advice",1a,help-seeking,1,"To start, I'm 17m. For pretty much my entire life, I've never really had anyone I'd consider a friend (I have a friend group at school but have never connected with them, or really talk to them outside of school related stuff. I'd consider them more acquaintances). To make matters worse, I went to a small private elementary school and had a very small class who were the only kids I really interacted with. As a result of these things, I've had pretty poor social skills and anxiety issues which I've been trying to overcome lately. This particular insecurity I believe developed in middle school. Because of my poor social skills, I was often called weird or creepy. I've since grown then, but I'm still extremely self-conscious about coming across as weird, or being a burden on people, or that people only keep me around because it'd be rude not to. It makes it very difficult to make friends or reveal much of my true self, because I'm constantly thinking ""What if this person doesn't want to talk to me? What if I'm just taking up their time and they want to move on?"". I'll not share my feelings with people because I don't want to inconvenience them. For a more recent example, there's a girl I became friends with around half a year ago. Since meeting her, I've asked her numerous times something like ""If you don't like me/don't want to be friends/don't want to talk please just tell me"". Everytime, she tells me that we're friends, that she doesn't dislike me, etc. Yet, I always feel on guard and paranoid about ""She might just be saying that to be nice and doesn't want to hurt my feelings"". Notice how I've asked her this numerous times, because for a while it works and I feel more comfortable. But it inevitably goes back to me doubting myself. Logically I know that there's not really a reason to suspect that she dislikes me, or that she'd be lying. I know that people aren't going to despise me for talking about myself, or that I'm coming across as weird in everything I do. And yet, I can't seem to shake this feeling. How can I overcome it?",_Naptune_,1,0,0,2020-03-02 03:12:59,getting_over_it,"To start, I'm 17m. For pretty much my entire life, I've never really had anyone I'd consider a friend (I have a friend group at school but have never connected with them, or really talk to them outside of school related stuff. I'd consider them more acquaintances). To make matters worse, I went to a small private elementary school and had a very small class who were the only kids I really interacted with. As a result of these things, I've had pretty poor social skills and anxiety issues which I've been trying to overcome lately. This particular insecurity I believe developed in middle school. Because of my poor social skills, I was often called weird or creepy. I've since grown then, but I'm still extremely self-conscious about coming across as weird, or being a burden on people, or that people only keep me around because it'd be rude not to. It makes it very difficult to make friends or reveal much of my true self, because I'm constantly thinking ""What if this person doesn't want to talk to me? What if I'm just taking up their time and they want to move on?"". I'll not share my feelings with people because I don't want to inconvenience them. For a more recent example, there's a girl I became friends with around half a year ago. Since meeting her, I've asked her numerous times something like ""If you don't like me/don't want to be friends/don't want to talk please just tell me"". Everytime, she tells me that we're friends, that she doesn't dislike me, etc. Yet, I always feel on guard and paranoid about ""She might just be saying that to be nice and doesn't want to hurt my feelings"". Notice how I've asked her this numerous times, because for a while it works and I feel more comfortable. But it inevitably goes back to me doubting myself. Logically I know that there's not really a reason to suspect that she dislikes me, or that she'd be lying. I know that people aren't going to despise me for talking about myself, or that I'm coming across as weird in everything I do. And yet, I can't seem to shake this feeling. How can I overcome it?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 f5hmcr,i cant relate,1a,help-seeking,2,"most stories im coming across are very intense. i feel the situations are a bit stickier than mine and i'm finding it hard to relate to obvious intentional acts of inflicting pain, for me the aggression feels more like lack of care? my bf[26] and i[27] of 8 years broke up today. i accused him of being an abuser and we agreed we'd break up for the first time ever to work on ourselves. our entire relationship he tried to make me feel like a queen he's talented smart funny an incredible person he encouraged me to be more confident, brave, courageous, open minded, educated, successful whenever i feel scared to try something new or get on stage i can think of him and how bright he shines and it gives me confidence and reassurance. he's like my spirit guardian and i feel safe in the world knowing i can have peace with him. always trying to be sensitive when im depressed or ill. insanely invested in pleasing me sexually. open to new age concepts. always keen to move on from arguments and just be in good spirits when we're together. never wants us to go to bed upset with eachother. never ever moody or inexplicably grouchy. always there for me when i need him. i don't feel worse about myself as a person after his angry outbursts. he always assures me im amazing no matter what has happened in the heat of the moment i wouldnt be the person i am today without him, and i love me so much more than i did before i met him are you guyss surreeeeeeeeeeee this is abuse https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/f5fmx9/technically_ive_been_abused_is_there_really_no/",lilintrovert333,1,0,1,2020-02-17 23:10:21,domesticviolence,"most stories im coming across are very intense. i feel the situations are a bit stickier than mine and i'm finding it hard to relate to obvious intentional acts of inflicting pain. for me the aggression feels more like lack of care? my bf[26] and i[27] of 8 years broke up today. i accused him of being an abuser and we agreed we'd break up for the first time ever to work on ourselves. our entire relationship he tried to make me feel like a queen. he's talented smart funny an incredible person he encouraged me to be more confident, brave, courageous, open minded, educated, successful. whenever i feel scared to try something new or get on stage i can think of him and how bright he shines and it gives me confidence and reassurance. he's like my spirit guardian and i feel safe in the world knowing i can have peace with him. always trying to be sensitive when im depressed or ill. insanely invested in pleasing me sexually. open to new age concepts. always keen to move on from arguments and just be in good spirits when we're together. never wants us to go to bed upset with eachother. never ever moody or inexplicably grouchy. always there for me when i need him. i don't feel worse about myself as a person after his angry outbursts. he always assures me im amazing no matter what has happened in the heat of the moment i wouldnt be the person i am today without him, and i love me so much more than i did before i met him are you guyss surreeeeeeeeeeee this is abuse https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/f5fmx9/technically_ive_been_abused_is_there_really_no/",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eu4v7v,Nightmares have returned since new relationship,0,help-seeking,1,"I was violently raped 12 years ago. I've had a handful of relationships since but since my latest relationship (started c. 4months ago) the nightmares have returned with a vengeance. I don't know what to do or explain to him what's happening. I think it's my heads way of saying you think you're happy but remember that's still there. Any advise would be greatly appreciated!! Namaste ♥️",PixieLightsCD18,1,0,0,2020-01-26 09:53:49,rapecounseling,I was violently raped 12 years ago. I've had a handful of relationships since but since my latest relationship (started c. 4months ago) the nightmares have returned with a vengeance. I don't know what to do or explain to him what's happening. I think it's my heads way of saying you think you're happy but remember that's still there. Any advise would be greatly appreciated!! Namaste ♥️,2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,the nightmares,,,,True,202 ekybvu,This is why family can suck,0,rant,1,,Koof99,1,0,11,2020-01-06 18:48:35,socialanxiety,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eif7g9,Hi all !!,0,chitchat,1,"Hi all👋🏼, I am new to reddit (first post By the way) . Just wanted to wish everyone a happy new year and if you are spending it alone ( due to social anxiety) you are not alone . I ( honestly haven’t accepted that I might have social anxiety) due to that fact that I enjoy my own company and I don’t feel like I’m missing out. However, there are occasions where I hype myself up to go to an event, and the day of , I come up with an excuse not to attend ( most of the time, I end up not going ). The worst ! Regardless, this year this introvert well try harder to get out there :D .HAPPY 2020!!",mrodr152,1,0,0,2020-01-01 06:37:36,socialanxiety,"Hi all👋🏼, I am new to reddit (first post By the way) . Just wanted to wish everyone a happy new year and if you are spending it alone ( due to social anxiety) you are not alone . I ( honestly haven’t accepted that I might have social anxiety) due to that fact that I enjoy my own company and I don’t feel like I’m missing out. However, there are occasions where I hype myself up to go to an event, and the day of , I come up with an excuse not to attend ( most of the time, I end up not going ). The worst ! Regardless, this year this introvert well try harder to get out there :D .HAPPY 2020!!",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 eji0ka,why they have to die,0,rant,1,,Bubblegumher1000,13,0,3,2020-01-03 16:47:55,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,title,True,000 eiqa7q,Questions about PFA,1b,help-seeking,1,"Okay so I know they can be very vague. Also stating I’m not asking for legal advice. Just curious what those with PFA and kids did to navigate. The pfa is for me, kids are not included on the order except that I have temporary custody. My case worker and lawyer said we can communicate via text if it’s kid related. He isn’t supposed to come to my residence and harass me. Does this mean I can’t do pick up and drop offs in my drive way? Also he bought the kids a fish like forever ago. I am terrified of fish (I know it sounds lame but trust me I’m serious). I cannot bring myself to clean the tank or anything (it’s an OCD thing I have about fish, literal OCD). Can he come in and just get the fish and stuff so it’s out of my house. Again, I know the fish questions sounds stupid but this fish and it’s tank literally sets of my OCD and I need it gone. TIA",supertiredyo,1,0,15,2020-01-02 00:22:03,domesticviolence,"Questions about PFA Okay so I know they can be very vague. Also stating I’m not asking for legal advice. Just curious what those with PFA and kids did to navigate. The pfa is for me, kids are not included on the order except that I have temporary custody. My case worker and lawyer said we can communicate via text if it’s kid related. He isn’t supposed to come to my residence and harass me. Does this mean I can’t do pick up and drop offs in my drive way? Also he bought the kids a fish like forever ago. I am terrified of fish (I know it sounds lame but trust me I’m serious). I cannot bring myself to clean the tank or anything (it’s an OCD thing I have about fish, literal OCD). Can he come in and just get the fish and stuff so it’s out of my house. Again, I know the fish questions sounds stupid but this fish and it’s tank literally sets of my OCD and I need it gone. TIA",2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how the fish tank makes you feel,,,,True,212 ewvksv,Somatic Symptoms,0,help-seeking,2,"Hi everyone, I've been dealing with major depressive disorder for about two and a half years now, and anxiety (including hypochondria) for more than seven. One of my biggest struggles over the past year or so has been the physical symptoms of depression - fatigue, soreness, nausea, etc. Last summer, they got to the point where doctors thought I might have a severe case of mono (which turned out to be untrue). For the most part, I'm now getting them under control, starting with the basics of better hydration, nutrition, and sleep. However, I still have one symptom that really troubles me: a near-constant sore throat. I've had a history of tonsil problems and actually got them out just over a month ago, so I wouldn't be surprised if I'm having residual pain from that. The only reason I bring it up here is that I've noticed for quite a while that it gets worse when I'm going through a rough depressive episode, which I currently am, and I suspect it might be a somatic symptom. I went to the student health center yesterday, and they said it looks just fine, but the pain is enough to make me anxious that something is seriously wrong and puts me in an even worse headspace. I'm not looking for medical advice, but I wanted to know if anyone else has experienced a somatic symptom like this. I'd also love tips on how you generally deal with somatic pain and the stress that comes with it. Thanks so much!",pierogimafia,1,0,2,2020-01-31 21:47:32,getting_over_it,"Hi everyone, I've been dealing with major depressive disorder for about two and a half years now, and anxiety (including hypochondria) for more than seven. One of my biggest struggles over the past year or so has been the physical symptoms of depression - fatigue, soreness, nausea, etc. Last summer, they got to the point where doctors thought I might have a severe case of mono (which turned out to be untrue). For the most part, I'm now getting them under control, starting with the basics of better hydration, nutrition, and sleep. However, I still have one symptom that really troubles me: a near-constant sore throat. I've had a history of tonsil problems and actually got them out just over a month ago, so I wouldn't be surprised if I'm having residual pain from that. The only reason I bring it up here is that I've noticed for quite a while that it gets worse when I'm going through a rough depressive episode, which I currently am, and I suspect it might be a somatic symptom. I went to the student health center yesterday, and they said it looks just fine, but the pain is enough to make me anxious that something is seriously wrong and puts me in an even worse headspace. I'm not looking for medical advice, but I wanted to know if anyone else has experienced a somatic symptom like this. I'd also love tips on how you generally deal with somatic pain and the stress that comes with it. Thanks so much!",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eiutaq,A CRPG for people with motivation issues (ADHD),0,chitchat,4,,Identitools,1,0,0,2020-01-02 06:52:19,ADHD,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 eio91t,Does anyone else feel this way?,0,survey,1,"I've ended a really good intimate relationship with someone on good terms, but any wild thought of the person sends me a heart palpitation while my cheeks will start to get warm for a quick second. Does this happen to anyone else? It also happens when they post on social media",nicholapd,1,0,0,2020-01-01 21:41:17,Anxiety,"I've ended a really good intimate relationship with someone on good terms, but any wild thought of the person sends me a heart palpitation while my cheeks will start to get warm for a quick second. Does this happen to anyone else? It also happens when they post on social media",1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your relationship,How did X make you feel?,the breaking up,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel sad after the breakup,,True,100 ejbk4q,"I should know this, but I don’t - need advice",1a,help-seeking,2,"I am successfully being treated for depression, anxiety and OCD, and have been slowly returning to normal, engaging and connecting with people. But I was “sick” for a few years, with the type of behavior you’d expect with someone with my diagnosis: isolating myself, constantly on edge leading to angry outbursts, etc. I was not a happy camper. I’m also a wife and mom, with 2 teenage daughters. Unfortunately, I was not only not there for my daughters for a few years, but I was also an angry, yelling monster. Part of the reason I isolated myself was also to spare my family from my bad behavior. My oldest is very resilient and always had - and still does - a smile on her face and a kind word. My youngest in the other hand is extremely sensitive, and I’m sure my bad behavior affected her. I feel horrible and guilty about it. As I learned more about my illness, I eventually came to realize that my youngest may be dealing with some severe anxiety, and probably my has been since kindergarten. She always has been a perfectionist with her schoolwork. Her K teacher said pointed out to us that she’d take a long time working on her assignments in class, and would become extremely flustered when the time was up and she’d have to move into the next activity. I brushed it off, thinking she’d grow out of it. A few years after that she came to hubs and I complaining of a bad tummy ache. Hubs took her to the doctor and they took an c-ray of her abdomen. Her intestines were full of feces - she hadn’t defecated in days! I still knew nothing about mental illness and just told her to drink more water and take some mild laxatives. I realize now it was probably gastroparesis, which is common with anxiety. Now my daughter is a teenager, and I still see her suffering. You’d think that since I’d been through a lot with my only mental health struggles, that I’d know exactly what to do, but I don’t! Mainly because anytime I say ANYTHING to her about anything, she gives me a dirty look and either ignores me or acts exasperated. I rarely see her smile without her dad around, which makes me so sad because she used to always smile and laugh. I know if I push too much that it won’t work and will backfire on me. But I also cannot sit idly by, knowing that in a few short years when she becomes a legal adult, I won’t be able to do anything to help her. I’ve discussed with my husband the idea of bringing her to therapy or a psychiatrist, but he’s shown reluctance, though not outright objection. I am thinking that it should be my husband that initiates a convo with my youngest to discuss having her seek treatment from a mental health pro. Any advice anyone can give me about how my hubs and I should get mental health treatment for our teenage daughter? I want to do whatever I can to increase the chance that therapy/psych treatment will be successful for her.",cuteandfluffy13,1,0,6,2020-01-03 06:31:48,mentalillness,"I am successfully being treated for depression, anxiety and OCD, and have been slowly returning to normal, engaging and connecting with people. But I was “sick” for a few years, with the type of behavior you’d expect with someone with my diagnosis: isolating myself, constantly on edge leading to angry outbursts, etc. I was not a happy camper. I’m also a wife and mom, with 2 teenage daughters. Unfortunately, I was not only not there for my daughters for a few years, but I was also an angry, yelling monster. Part of the reason I isolated myself was also to spare my family from my bad behavior. My oldest is very resilient and always had - and still does - a smile on her face and a kind word. My youngest in the other hand is extremely sensitive, and I’m sure my bad behavior affected her. I feel horrible and guilty about it. As I learned more about my illness, I eventually came to realize that my youngest may be dealing with some severe anxiety, and probably my has been since kindergarten. She always has been a perfectionist with her schoolwork. Her K teacher said pointed out to us that she’d take a long time working on her assignments in class, and would become extremely flustered when the time was up and she’d have to move into the next activity. I brushed it off, thinking she’d grow out of it. A few years after that she came to hubs and I complaining of a bad tummy ache. Hubs took her to the doctor and they took an c-ray of her abdomen. Her intestines were full of feces - she hadn’t defecated in days! I still knew nothing about mental illness and just told her to drink more water and take some mild laxatives. I realize now it was probably gastroparesis, which is common with anxiety. Now my daughter is a teenager, and I still see her suffering. You’d think that since I’d been through a lot with my only mental health struggles, that I’d know exactly what to do, but I don’t! Mainly because anytime I say ANYTHING to her about anything, she gives me a dirty look and either ignores me or acts exasperated. I rarely see her smile without her dad around, which makes me so sad because she used to always smile and laugh. I know if I push too much that it won’t work and will backfire on me. But I also cannot sit idly by, knowing that in a few short years when she becomes a legal adult, I won’t be able to do anything to help her. I’ve discussed with my husband the idea of bringing her to therapy or a psychiatrist, but he’s shown reluctance, though not outright objection. I am thinking that it should be my husband that initiates a convo with my youngest to discuss having her seek treatment from a mental health pro. Any advice anyone can give me about how my hubs and I should get mental health treatment for our teenage daughter? I want to do whatever I can to increase the chance that therapy/psych treatment will be successful for her.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 f3i1zj,I need help you guys,1a,help-seeking,1,"I am still so angry even though I’ve been working hard on it. I feel ashamed of myself. I think this morning was cause I didn’t take my Buspar in the morning so I got pissy with my doctor. I’m tired of sitting in therapy while they listen to me talk and feel like I’m getting nowhere. I’ve seen a therapist since last March, I’ve completed a DBT class. I’ve decided I’m not getting much from my current therapist so I’m going to see another one that specializes in EMDR. I’m hoping dealing with past trauma finally will help. Have you guys been able to find therapists that specifically deal with anger? How? I feel like I’m missing a piece of the puzzle.",sunshine682,1,0,0,2020-02-13 22:22:34,Anger,"I am still so angry even though I’ve been working hard on it. I feel ashamed of myself. I think this morning was cause I didn’t take my Buspar in the morning so I got pissy with my doctor. I’m tired of sitting in therapy while they listen to me talk and feel like I’m getting nowhere. I’ve seen a therapist since last March, I’ve completed a DBT class. I’ve decided I’m not getting much from my current therapist so I’m going to see another one that specializes in EMDR. I’m hoping dealing with past trauma finally will help. Have you guys been able to find therapists that specifically deal with anger? How? I feel like I’m missing a piece of the puzzle.",1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what makes you angry,,,,,,True,122 ejnxsq,No one actually wants to be friends,1b,rant,1,"I've tried so many times. It's so painful to try but I stick my neck out still. It just went south again and I don't know how much more my heart can take. They act like they want to be friends at first but then you find out it was only sexual, they don't actually care about you or anything about you at all. I feel like my soul is in a desert on the verge of complete malnourishment and dehydration. Why does this world suck so much Why am I so fucking worthless to everyone",lumpypurple,8,0,8,2020-01-03 23:42:53,socialanxiety,"No one actually wants to be friends I've tried so many times. It's so painful to try but I stick my neck out still. It just went south again and I don't know how much more my heart can take. They act like they want to be friends at first but then you find out it was only sexual, they don't actually care about you or anything about you at all. I feel like my soul is in a desert on the verge of complete malnourishment and dehydration. Why does this world suck so much Why am I so fucking worthless to everyone",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unable to make friends,,True,220 eiepc5,Itchy Scars,0,survey,1,"I feel it's pretty normal for scars to be itchy sometimes, but does anybody else's scars get especially itchy when your drinking/drunk?",Hayabusaz,1,0,0,2020-01-01 05:43:59,selfharm,"I feel it's pretty normal for scars to be itchy sometimes, but does anybody else's scars get especially itchy when your drinking/drunk?",1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you self harm,How did X make you feel?,itchy scars,What do you need help with now that X?,your scars itch after drinking,,True,100 eiarz0,Happy New Year,1a,chitchat,1,"This is my first sober New year in over 10 years. I have to go to work early and will probably be asleep before the ball drops. Such a loser. Anyone have any fun and exciting plans?",mollyloveschaos,1,0,21,2019-12-31 23:41:50,alcoholicsanonymous,This is my first sober New year in over 10 years. I have to go to work early and will probably be asleep before the ball drops. Such a loser. Anyone have any fun and exciting plans?,2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel being sober,,,,True,212 ek1a13,I don't think I like people.,1b,rant,1,"When my ex left me, she made me promise I would spend time with people (mostly a group of friends we met through Pokemon go we both got close too) and I agreed. It's 4 months later and I don't think I can do it anymore. The last time I spent any time with them, my ptsd was triggered really badly that led me to joining this sub and meeting some nice people. I spent the day with them today and it was all a bit too much for me and I've been feeling that for a while now. They don't feel like my friends, they feel like mine and my exs friends but now she's gone I feel like I was dumped on them. I would much rather spend time by myself than meet up with people no matter how lonely I get because I just feel worse after meeting up with them. In the end I just want my ex back in my life really. She made things better, she made me feel happy.",Fatsohuggingbear,53,0,21,2020-01-04 19:38:32,ptsd,"When my ex left me, she made me promise I would spend time with people (mostly a group of friends we met through Pokemon go we both got close too) and I agreed. It's 4 months later and I don't think I can do it anymore. The last time I spent any time with them, my ptsd was triggered really badly that led me to joining this sub and meeting some nice people. I spent the day with them today and it was all a bit too much for me and I've been feeling that for a while now. They don't feel like my friends, they feel like mine and my exs friends but now she's gone I feel like I was dumped on them. I would much rather spend time by myself than meet up with people no matter how lonely I get because I just feel worse after meeting up with them. In the end I just want my ex back in my life really. She made things better, she made me feel happy.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would make you happy,,True,221 ejugez,Oh yes.,0,chitchat,4,,Mysteriously7,367,0,15,2020-01-04 09:11:20,socialanxiety,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eih0r9,Hey really wanted to know which is the strongest smart drug? Was prescribed concerta for having adhd so I can focus in studying better but I don’t see any effect.,0,survey,1,,realMouse_Potato,1,0,1,2020-01-01 10:30:56,ADHD,Hey really wanted to know which is the strongest smart drug? Was prescribed concerta for having adhd so I can focus in studying better but I don’t see any effect. nan,1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your adhd,How did X make you feel?,taking concerta,,,,True,102 eju568,When anyone talks to me,0,survey,1,,wenhaom,2,0,0,2020-01-04 08:33:39,socialanxiety,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ex2rrm,Anger makes life a cartoon,1b,rant,1,"People are no longer human beings, they’re caricatures Life becomes 2 dimensional Black and white thinking permeates everything Nothing has any real weight or significance And it chokes the life out of everything Including you",dfghhjjttffffhhffddr,1,0,7,2020-02-01 07:46:10,Anger,"People are no longer human beings, they’re caricatures Life becomes 2 dimensional Black and white thinking permeates everything Nothing has any real weight or significance And it chokes the life out of everything Including you",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eiqea3,Journaling tips?,1a,help-seeking,1,"Hi guys! I’m wanting to start journaling to cope with stress and life and such. My issue is that I always get rambly and really off topic, and I end up going down a rabbit hole. Then I feel worse. Anyone have tips for focused journaling that won’t just be me venting into the void? I already vent enough to my friends and want this to be a tool for healing and listening to my inner voice.",h00dies,1,0,2,2020-01-02 00:30:41,BPD,"Hi guys! I’m wanting to start journaling to cope with stress and life and such. My issue is that I always get rambly and really off topic, and I end up going down a rabbit hole. Then I feel worse. Anyone have tips for focused journaling that won’t just be me venting into the void? I already vent enough to my friends and want this to be a tool for healing and listening to my inner voice.",2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how stress makes you feel,,,,True,212 emz4of,Imposter Issues,1b,help-seeking,1,"I'm on mobile so I apologize for formatting, spelling, and grammatical errors. I (31F) have PTSD from a childhood trauma that happened almost 21 years ago now. I've only recently been in a position to admit that it happened, so I've only been in therapy for about two months. My older brother (40 M) is a veteran with PTSD as a result of his service. He has always had access to treatment and has been very open about it. I want to talk to him because I feel so alone, but I'm really afraid to. Hes 9 years older than me so he wasnt living at home when all this started. All he really knows is that I'm in therapy and I was hospitalized about 10 years ago for a suicide attempt. I'm reluctant to talk to him because he can be very dismissive, especially when I mention things that happened when I was a kid. Our dad never laid a finger on him so he was shocked when I told him that our dad smacked me around until I was in high school. I also worry that he wont take me seriously because I never fought in a war. Sometimes I feel like I dont deserve to be taken seriously, for a lot of reasons. I want to reach out, but I dont know where to start, or if I should bother.",guenivere01,1,0,3,2020-01-10 23:27:35,ptsd,"I'm on mobile so I apologize for formatting, spelling, and grammatical errors. I (31F) have PTSD from a childhood trauma that happened almost 21 years ago now. I've only recently been in a position to admit that it happened, so I've only been in therapy for about two months. My older brother (40 M) is a veteran with PTSD as a result of his service. He has always had access to treatment and has been very open about it. I want to talk to him because I feel so alone, but I'm really afraid to. Hes 9 years older than me so he wasnt living at home when all this started. All he really knows is that I'm in therapy and I was hospitalized about 10 years ago for a suicide attempt. I'm reluctant to talk to him because he can be very dismissive, especially when I mention things that happened when I was a kid. Our dad never laid a finger on him so he was shocked when I told him that our dad smacked me around until I was in high school. I also worry that he wont take me seriously because I never fought in a war. Sometimes I feel like I dont deserve to be taken seriously, for a lot of reasons. I want to reach out, but I dont know where to start, or if I should bother.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 f2vi5e,Narcissistic tactics explained from a diagnosed Narcissist.,0,chitchat,3,,traciegoeswild,1,0,1,2020-02-12 18:19:33,domesticviolence,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eie1pk,happy!,0,chitchat,2,"Warning: this is a sappy mess. Happy New Years everyone I just wanted to write down that New Years has been so amazing and comforting bc I finally got to spend a day with my partner, and while I’m in a GOOD headspace and I think it’s just.... so comforting and nice because it reminds me how good my feelings can be when I’m not an anxious insecure mess. I get to be a bouncy ball of positive energy! It’s me! and I actually feel good about myself. Everything is golden. The pain inside can’t bother me. everything is so real and I can see it. Most days having so much emotion about every little thing is so exhausting... It’s rare to have the mental energy and bravery to let myself feel happy, but when I do, it’s a reminder that maybe so much feeling can be really nice too. I feel bad that I can’t just accept myself all the time, but my partner has always still done his best for me and loves me a whole lot and never expects much even though he deserves better, but ...... today, i am good for him, today I was strong. I am grateful, and it gives me hope that I can continue to be good. to him AND to myself. Yay",boopifypremium,1,0,0,2020-01-01 04:41:09,BPD,"Warning: this is a sappy mess. Happy New Years everyone I just wanted to write down that New Years has been so amazing and comforting bc I finally got to spend a day with my partner, and while I’m in a GOOD headspace and I think it’s just.... so comforting and nice because it reminds me how good my feelings can be when I’m not an anxious insecure mess. I get to be a bouncy ball of positive energy! It’s me! and I actually feel good about myself. Everything is golden. The pain inside can’t bother me. everything is so real and I can see it. Most days having so much emotion about every little thing is so exhausting... It’s rare to have the mental energy and bravery to let myself feel happy, but when I do, it’s a reminder that maybe so much feeling can be really nice too. I feel bad that I can’t just accept myself all the time, but my partner has always still done his best for me and loves me a whole lot and never expects much even though he deserves better, but ...... today, i am good for him, today I was strong. I am grateful, and it gives me hope that I can continue to be good. to him AND to myself. Yay",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 em6w1j,Falling apart,1a,rant,2,"Been in a bad realtionship was working on getting out of the apartment . Well about mid night she flips BPD rapid cycling Bi polar doesn't mix well with my PTSD. I was basically told I need to figure something out. No family no friends so I'm sleeping in my car or trying to at 3 am jm front of my job. The one thing it seems I can do right. The shop owner did however offer me a loan to get set up with a new place , however the only reason why I even car to do it is because I do have a ESA . This cat can read my body language. She will sitting on me kneed face bump and generally has had an extremely good record of stoping a me from flashing back or having a disassociation issue. On top of it she and another cat have figured out to when I'm having nightmare or terror, and will wake me up gently. The ex tells me "" it would be unfair to take her from the other cats"" my cat hides from one of hers and really onlyo come out from under the bed to see me my ex or eat. So here I am looking for advice and looking to vent. Because anymore im just done trying. Half of me just kid of hopes the cold takes hold, and I got to sleep. The other half says fight ... I just don't have it in me like I used to. I'm approaching mid life. Jinesl probably past with my history. Anymore that survival instinct is getting pretty weak. There really comes a time when it just no worth it. Getting back up is tiring. I've been pretty much on my own since 15,only person to fight for me was me ,and my grandma who has since passed. Mediation isn't working mindfulness isn't. I'm a Buddhist, and anymore I don't find comfort in that either. PS sorry about spelling format ect. Im literally on a phone in the hokdof a hatch back rn hoping for rest . Sleep has been extremely rare for me lately.",StrangeExplanation0,1,0,0,2020-01-09 08:29:01,ptsd,"Been in a bad realtionship was working on getting out of the apartment . Well about mid night she flips BPD rapid cycling Bi polar doesn't mix well with my PTSD. I was basically told I need to figure something out. No family no friends so I'm sleeping in my car or trying to at 3 am jm front of my job. The one thing it seems I can do right. The shop owner did however offer me a loan to get set up with a new place , however the only reason why I even car to do it is because I do have a ESA . This cat can read my body language. She will sitting on me kneed face bump and generally has had an extremely good record of stoping a me from flashing back or having a disassociation issue. On top of it she and another cat have figured out to when I'm having nightmare or terror, and will wake me up gently. The ex tells me "" it would be unfair to take her from the other cats"" my cat hides from one of hers and really onlyo come out from under the bed to see me my ex or eat. So here I am looking for advice and looking to vent. Because anymore im just done trying. Half of me just kid of hopes the cold takes hold, and I got to sleep. The other half says fight ... I just don't have it in me like I used to. I'm approaching mid life. Jinesl probably past with my history. Anymore that survival instinct is getting pretty weak. There really comes a time when it just no worth it. Getting back up is tiring. I've been pretty much on my own since 15,only person to fight for me was me ,and my grandma who has since passed. Mediation isn't working mindfulness isn't. I'm a Buddhist, and anymore I don't find comfort in that either. PS sorry about spelling format ect. Im literally on a phone in the hokdof a hatch back rn hoping for rest . Sleep has been extremely rare for me lately.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you cope with the relationship trauma,,True,221 el4dqy,"Come on boys, abuse women not drugs!",1c,chitchat,1,,Bobliboo,1,0,1,2020-01-07 01:59:48,addiction,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 emfv25,cPTSD and insomnia?,0,help-seeking,1,"Anyone else out here struggle with their PTSD/cPTSD and sleep? I swear at night when I finally calm myself down to sleep I can only sleep for a few hours before I wake up and replay experiences I’ve been trying to move past from in my head. Anyone have any suggestions or tricks to help? I usually can sleep for like 3 hours and then wake up from 2-6 when I have to get out of bed. It’s exhausting and so draining.",trisaratops__,1,0,16,2020-01-09 21:00:20,ptsd,Anyone else out here struggle with their PTSD/cPTSD and sleep? I swear at night when I finally calm myself down to sleep I can only sleep for a few hours before I wake up and replay experiences I’ve been trying to move past from in my head. Anyone have any suggestions or tricks to help? I usually can sleep for like 3 hours and then wake up from 2-6 when I have to get out of bed. It’s exhausting and so draining.,1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what caused your PTSD,,,,,,True,122 eiudyt,The BIGGEST ADHD MOMENT in HISTORY!!!!!!!,0,rant,2,"OMG!! So I live in a big house {Incase y’all think I’m lazy}... So I bought an iPhone charger and extended cord for the living room to make mine & guests lives easier. So the OCD me has strategically hidden the cord behind my furniture so my furniture still looks PERFECT ({ must I remind you. I spent half Sunday buying and installing this extended cord. I was DETERMINED!!}) So anyway, it’s Thursday now and I’ve been going to my bedroom every single day this week to charge my phone. Even at times brining the charger down with me & plugging it in the kitchen and I’d have to work ya sing so I could use my phone.... Then when it’s charged, I’ll take it to the living room. So I was cleaning right now and just saw the CHARGER & EXTENDED CORD I spent all Sunday installing...",MiaRaw,1,0,0,2020-01-02 06:08:59,ADHD,"OMG!! So I live in a big house {Incase y’all think I’m lazy}... So I bought an iPhone charger and extended cord for the living room to make mine & guests lives easier. So the OCD me has strategically hidden the cord behind my furniture so my furniture still looks PERFECT ({ must I remind you. I spent half Sunday buying and installing this extended cord. I was DETERMINED!!}) So anyway, it’s Thursday now and I’ve been going to my bedroom every single day this week to charge my phone. Even at times brining the charger down with me & plugging it in the kitchen and I’d have to work ya sing so I could use my phone.... Then when it’s charged, I’ll take it to the living room. So I was cleaning right now and just saw the CHARGER & EXTENDED CORD I spent all Sunday installing...",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ekencb,Do I have social anxiety? If so how do I control it?,1a,help-seeking,2,"I've never been to see a professional to be diagnosed, but i feel like I have social anxiety. Whenever I am in a social situation my heartbeat starts to rise, my hands get shaky, my eyes get watery, my voice cracks and eventually my voice just stops coming out. For example, yesterday at work I was in shift briefing before the start of my shift. My supervisor passed around a new training and had me read part of it out loud to everyone there. There was only a total of 8 of us in the room, and when I started reading my voice came out fine and I was calm. Then I suddenly felt my heartbeat increase, my eyes got watery and my voice started to sound like I was trying not to cry. Even for a good 15 minutes after that my hands kept shaking. I'm tired of this happening all the time, I ended up calling in today just because I was scared of having to read in front of the others again. Another example is when I first started this job there was a few of us who started together and we were asked to introduce ourselves one at a time. While everyone there was introducing themselves it took everything I had to not run out of the building and quit on my first day. I felt so scared while waiting for my turn and was even thinking I would rather be dead right now. I remember my leg was shaking uncontrollably and I kept trying to think of what I was going to say. When it was finally my turn my voice again sounded like I was crying and my eyes water. Afterwards everyone kinda looked at me funny and I felt so embarrassed and ashamed. I am dreading going to work today because I may have to read in front of others again. Is there anything I can do to control my emotions and keep my self calmed?",JJ_Vagabond,1,0,1,2020-01-05 15:51:05,socialanxiety,"I've never been to see a professional to be diagnosed, but i feel like I have social anxiety. Whenever I am in a social situation my heartbeat starts to rise, my hands get shaky, my eyes get watery, my voice cracks and eventually my voice just stops coming out. For example, yesterday at work I was in shift briefing before the start of my shift. My supervisor passed around a new training and had me read part of it out loud to everyone there. There was only a total of 8 of us in the room, and when I started reading my voice came out fine and I was calm. Then I suddenly felt my heartbeat increase, my eyes got watery and my voice started to sound like I was trying not to cry. Even for a good 15 minutes after that my hands kept shaking. I'm tired of this happening all the time, I ended up calling in today just because I was scared of having to read in front of the others again. Another example is when I first started this job there was a few of us who started together and we were asked to introduce ourselves one at a time. While everyone there was introducing themselves it took everything I had to not run out of the building and quit on my first day. I felt so scared while waiting for my turn and was even thinking I would rather be dead right now. I remember my leg was shaking uncontrollably and I kept trying to think of what I was going to say. When it was finally my turn my voice again sounded like I was crying and my eyes water. Afterwards everyone kinda looked at me funny and I felt so embarrassed and ashamed. I am dreading going to work today because I may have to read in front of others again. Is there anything I can do to control my emotions and keep my self calmed?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ejf73m,"Share/Rant/Discussion Fridays - January 03, 2020",0,chitchat,1,"Share your rants and thoughts here! Also, see full past discussions [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/addiction/search?q=friday+lounge&restrict_sr=on&sort=relevance&t=all)",AutoModerator,3,0,13,2020-01-03 13:09:16,addiction,"Share your rants and thoughts here! Also, see full past discussions [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/addiction/search?q=friday+lounge&restrict_sr=on&sort=relevance&t=all)",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eit8iq,I don’t know how to stop,1a,help-seeking,1,"I’ve been reading this sub for a little bit and I’m not sure if this is the right place to ask. I’m a 28M, and extremely addicted to energy drinks. I typically drink about 2 to 3 NOS’ a day and that’s before 11am when waking up at 6am. After that I typically have a Red Bull or two or sometimes 3. I have gained a lot of weight, chest palpitations, you name it but even with that I can’t seem to stop. Hell, I was even hospitalized before and that still didn’t stop me. If I don’t have one I can feel like I’m crawling out of my skin, thoughts flash into my mind so quick that I can’t make any sense of them. When I do finally get a drink, it’s like everything is clear, focused and I can make sense of the world around me. I need to stop, I know. I just don’t know how. Honestly the feeling of stopping frightens me. Any pointers? Something to atleast start me down the right path?",TheCrypticNine,1,0,2,2020-01-02 04:23:53,addiction,"I’ve been reading this sub for a little bit and I’m not sure if this is the right place to ask. I’m a 28M, and extremely addicted to energy drinks. I typically drink about 2 to 3 NOS’ a day and that’s before 11am when waking up at 6am. After that I typically have a Red Bull or two or sometimes 3. I have gained a lot of weight, chest palpitations, you name it but even with that I can’t seem to stop. Hell, I was even hospitalized before and that still didn’t stop me. If I don’t have one I can feel like I’m crawling out of my skin, thoughts flash into my mind so quick that I can’t make any sense of them. When I do finally get a drink, it’s like everything is clear, focused and I can make sense of the world around me. I need to stop, I know. I just don’t know how. Honestly the feeling of stopping frightens me. Any pointers? Something to atleast start me down the right path?",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eorn3u,Relapse,1a,survey,1,"I was sober for almost a year, I started college and got my life somewhat together. I always think I can overpower it. I brush it aside. But today I relapsed. I don’t fucking understand. Why do I need this? I feel like addiction is a part of me. My life is better than it’s ever been .... but somethings always missing. Does anyone else feel this way? I don’t know what to do anymore.",strippingusedtobefun,1,0,13,2020-01-14 21:15:42,addiction,"I was sober for almost a year, I started college and got my life somewhat together. I always think I can overpower it. I brush it aside. But today I relapsed. I don’t fucking understand. Why do I need this? I feel like addiction is a part of me. My life is better than it’s ever been .... but somethings always missing. Does anyone else feel this way? I don’t know what to do anymore.",1,1,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,addiction,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what you feel is missing,,,,True,112 eia4wm,"""The truth is you could slit my throat and with my one last gasping breath I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt""",0,survey,1,"I relate to that song lyric so much. It's from Taking Back Sunday's ""You're so last summer"". No matter who hurts me or how badly, I will always blame myself and apologize. Anyone else relate?",cfbuzzkill90,1,0,20,2019-12-31 22:50:24,mentalillness,"I relate to that song lyric so much. It's from Taking Back Sunday's ""You're so last summer"". No matter who hurts me or how badly, I will always blame myself and apologize. Anyone else relate?",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,thought,True,000 etkpsg,Steps You Need to Take Today For Financial Independence,0,chitchat,4,,abai33,1,0,0,2020-01-25 02:20:20,selfhelp,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 eiglmc,A PSA anout domestic abuse,0,chitchat,1,,Squishy_NoU,1,0,0,2020-01-01 09:33:34,domesticviolence,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 evheta,Free Depression to Happiness Book,0,chitchat,1," Hi there, I suffered from depression, recovered, and wrote a book about it to help others avoid what I went through. I’m giving the fully illustrated book away for free if you would like a copy: [https://www.amazon.com/Deppy-Happy-Overcoming-Depression-Illustrated-ebook/dp/B08473M2YF/ref=sr\_1\_210?keywords=depression+self+help&qid=1580236855&s=digital-text&sr=1-210](https://www.amazon.com/Deppy-Happy-Overcoming-Depression-Illustrated-ebook/dp/B08473M2YF/ref=sr_1_210?keywords=depression+self+help&qid=1580236855&s=digital-text&sr=1-210)",impossiblecolor,1,0,6,2020-01-29 03:57:41,getting_over_it," Hi there, I suffered from depression, recovered, and wrote a book about it to help others avoid what I went through. I’m giving the fully illustrated book away for free if you would like a copy: [https://www.amazon.com/Deppy-Happy-Overcoming-Depression-Illustrated-ebook/dp/B08473M2YF/ref=sr\_1\_210?keywords=depression+self+help&qid=1580236855&s=digital-text&sr=1-210](https://www.amazon.com/Deppy-Happy-Overcoming-Depression-Illustrated-ebook/dp/B08473M2YF/ref=sr_1_210?keywords=depression+self+help&qid=1580236855&s=digital-text&sr=1-210)",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eivnza,Very anxious about surgery,1a,help-seeking,1,"Hey all, I’m getting surgery in about 3 weeks and I’m very anxious about it. I’m getting a tympanoplasty (getting my eardrum fixed) and whenever I think about it I get nauseous and anxious. I know it’s a minor procedure and I’ll be out for it, but I can’t help but freak out whenever I think about someone operating on such a sensitive part of my body. Have any of you gotten anxious before surgery? If so, what helped you cope with it?",wholewheatgoth,1,0,3,2020-01-02 08:30:00,Anxiety,"Hey all, I’m getting surgery in about 3 weeks and I’m very anxious about it. I’m getting a tympanoplasty (getting my eardrum fixed) and whenever I think about it I get nauseous and anxious. I know it’s a minor procedure and I’ll be out for it, but I can’t help but freak out whenever I think about someone operating on such a sensitive part of my body. Have any of you gotten anxious before surgery? If so, what helped you cope with it?",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eifb4t,Anyone get really depressed or spiral when they’re drunk?,1a,survey,1,Like seriously it’s one or the other. I can’t be fun drunk anymore. It’s super depressing. It’s either get drunk and make terrible decisions that I’ll definitely regret later or be depressed and cry over my ex lol fuck my life man,daniellenicole18,1,0,1,2020-01-01 06:49:11,BPD,Anyone get really depressed or spiral when they’re drunk? Like seriously it’s one or the other. I can’t be fun drunk anymore. It’s super depressing. It’s either get drunk and make terrible decisions that I’ll definitely regret later or be depressed and cry over my ex lol fuck my life man,2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you get depressed when drunk,,True,220 ekj7pi,Feels nice to get something like this every once in a while.,0,chitchat,1,,SomeSpeedyBoi,1,0,2,2020-01-05 21:16:39,socialanxiety,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ei9ykp,This day is always the roughest for me.,1a,rant,1,I have a really difficult time on New Years. I’m trying really hard to actively change my mindset but I feel a lot of sorrow during this time. I’m having a difficult time balancing the needs of others and balancing my own needs.,isntaplant,1,0,1,2019-12-31 22:36:17,depression,I have a really difficult time on New Years. I’m trying really hard to actively change my mindset but I feel a lot of sorrow during this time. I’m having a difficult time balancing the needs of others and balancing my own needs.,1,1,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you have a difficult time on new year,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel on new year,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel sorrow and are unable to tend to your own needs,,True,110 ep4tgd,"On day 11, cant stop thinking about relapsing",1a,rant,2,"I'm pretty much past all the physical parts of withdrawl except mild RLS at night. I've been getting pretty good sleep actually, except every night I have vivid dreams about using again. I'll wake up at 3 in the morning to pee and the first thought on my mind after getting out of bed is oxy/pills. Every day is a constant battle to not hit up my plug. I have no motivation to go find a new job, hang out with friends, or even play video games. I remembered his number by heart so I cant really delete it. I've been smoking excessive amounts of weed/dabs just to stay somewhat sane, because the thought of being fully sober is unfathomable to me. I don't see how people can do it. I'm sick of this fucking rollercoaster. I can never seem to get passed 2 weeks. It's like rationally I know what I have to do but my stupid addict brain makes excuses for using. Never tried to rehab before but might have to if I cant do this shit myself. Sorry for the rambling I just needed to get this off my chest and talk to some people who understand, as I'm doing this recovery in secret",themdirtym30s,1,0,18,2020-01-15 16:55:20,OpiatesRecovery,"I'm pretty much past all the physical parts of withdrawl except mild RLS at night. I've been getting pretty good sleep actually, except every night I have vivid dreams about using again. I'll wake up at 3 in the morning to pee and the first thought on my mind after getting out of bed is oxy/pills. Every day is a constant battle to not hit up my plug. I have no motivation to go find a new job, hang out with friends, or even play video games. I remembered his number by heart so I cant really delete it. I've been smoking excessive amounts of weed/dabs just to stay somewhat sane, because the thought of being fully sober is unfathomable to me. I don't see how people can do it. I'm sick of this fucking rollercoaster. I can never seem to get passed 2 weeks. It's like rationally I know what I have to do but my stupid addict brain makes excuses for using. Never tried to rehab before but might have to if I cant do this shit myself. Sorry for the rambling I just needed to get this off my chest and talk to some people who understand, as I'm doing this recovery in secret",2,1,1,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel being off the pills,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you with the detox,,True,211 elot6j,silent crying,0,chitchat,1,you are beautiful,saddolls,1,0,0,2020-01-08 06:14:06,sad,you are beautiful,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 fcdeez,Only under dependency do I feel the will to live.,1a,help-seeking,2,"Let's say I have it too easy to cling to someone who I see as a role model who is female. Aka a mother (I imagine). Thing is, my mother has always been there and she's been somewhat supportive. She asked too much from me back, as in, she clinged to me as well, as her reason to keep ok going. After some years I stopped seeing her as this role and I became apathetic and very very angry and envious child. Videogames were the only time I felt something. The rest was just nothingness. Only later on, when I found girls who were willing to be there with me (like 7yrs onwards) did I felt alive with them as long as I felt liked by them like a mother likes their kid. But I was very very clingy. So much so that I demanded too much. As I didn't see them as people nor anything, just as someone to get that feeling of being alive from. Eventually all girls ended up leaving. As they should have, cause I was and I still am very toxic about the whole clinging thing. Each one. And when they did, I immediately tried to get them back and once I was clear it was over... I felt nothingness again. Pure apathy towards myself and everything. The only thing that kept me alive was apathy towards suicide, and the fact that I just followed what I felt others saw me as or wanted me to be (parents teachers etc). But I had no purpose no nothing. All I wanted was to get that alive feeling again. To get that burning feeling from someone else. 2 days ago, this happened again. After a girl who I met who I forced (and yes I feel guilty) to help me solve my traumas just couldn't handle it anymore and left... And now I'm back to nothingness. And I genuinely don't know what to do, cause I only have 1 thing in mind I want. The thing is... I'm wondering if this is like something that happened when I was a baby like someone ripped me off my mother and that left a mark that meant I would never ever feel the will to live as long as I was on my own? Or is it something else? Like sometimes it feels like I don't want to live my life, but I'd love to live others. Thank you so much for anyone who listened and read. Ty random stranger, because I just don't know anymore.",MissingArounds,1,0,5,2020-03-02 15:10:03,getting_over_it,"Let's say I have it too easy to cling to someone who I see as a role model who is female. Aka a mother (I imagine). Thing is, my mother has always been there and she's been somewhat supportive. She asked too much from me back, as in, she clinged to me as well, as her reason to keep ok going. After some years I stopped seeing her as this role and I became apathetic and very very angry and envious child. Videogames were the only time I felt something. The rest was just nothingness. Only later on, when I found girls who were willing to be there with me (like 7yrs onwards) did I felt alive with them as long as I felt liked by them like a mother likes their kid. But I was very very clingy. So much so that I demanded too much. As I didn't see them as people nor anything, just as someone to get that feeling of being alive from. Eventually all girls ended up leaving. As they should have, cause I was and I still am very toxic about the whole clinging thing. Each one. And when they did, I immediately tried to get them back and once I was clear it was over... I felt nothingness again. Pure apathy towards myself and everything. The only thing that kept me alive was apathy towards suicide, and the fact that I just followed what I felt others saw me as or wanted me to be (parents teachers etc). But I had no purpose no nothing. All I wanted was to get that alive feeling again. To get that burning feeling from someone else. 2 days ago, this happened again. After a girl who I met who I forced (and yes I feel guilty) to help me solve my traumas just couldn't handle it anymore and left... And now I'm back to nothingness. And I genuinely don't know what to do, cause I only have 1 thing in mind I want. The thing is... I'm wondering if this is like something that happened when I was a baby like someone ripped me off my mother and that left a mark that meant I would never ever feel the will to live as long as I was on my own? Or is it something else? Like sometimes it feels like I don't want to live my life, but I'd love to live others. Thank you so much for anyone who listened and read. Ty random stranger, because I just don't know anymore.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ek1ksm,My family ridiculed me in front of everyone and i’m still under the blankets crying,1b,rant,1,,Legit_Nugget,17,0,13,2020-01-04 20:00:33,sad,My family ridiculed me in front of everyone. i’m still under the blankets crying nan,2,1,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you are feeling about being ridiculed,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel upset about your family's actions,,True,210 eosew3,90 in 90,0,chitchat,1,"I’m doing a 90 in 90, a week in and I’m realizing things about myself. Going to the meetings isn’t just about listening to other people talk about their experience, for me it’s been about learning more of yourself as a person. Somehow it’s helping me grow.",lemondrop999,1,0,13,2020-01-14 22:08:09,alcoholicsanonymous,"I’m doing a 90 in 90, a week in and I’m realizing things about myself. Going to the meetings isn’t just about listening to other people talk about their experience, for me it’s been about learning more of yourself as a person. Somehow it’s helping me grow.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 ejprb9,haven't cut since last decade :),0,rant,3,,aanimetiddiess,40,0,13,2020-01-04 01:58:03,selfharm,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 f285x9,ptsd: how do i stop associating things with my ex friends?,1a,help-seeking,1,"hey, dunno if this is too personal but i have really bad anger ptsd to do with an ex friend. we didn’t really end off in a good foot and all her likes and interests makes me so mad and sometimes it can ruin things for me, especially when i’m trying to get into a show without being reminded of her. for example like a cartoon or a tv show and sometimes when i watch the show or even glance at a image of whatever she likes it pisses me off. i cant stop thinking about it, because it just reminds me of her. how do i stop thinking abt the things that remind me of my ex friend/s?",weeboloid,1,0,0,2020-02-11 13:16:01,Anger,"how do i stop associating things with my ex friends? hey, dunno if this is too personal but i have really bad anger ptsd to do with an ex friend. we didn’t really end off in a good foot and all her likes and interests makes me so mad and sometimes it can ruin things for me, especially when i’m trying to get into a show without being reminded of her. for example like a cartoon or a tv show and sometimes when i watch the show or even glance at a image of whatever she likes it pisses me off. i cant stop thinking about it, because it just reminds me of her. how do i stop thinking abt the things that remind me of my ex friend/s?",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,title,True,222 elormw,How to get out when you have no money and are Ina different state,0,help-seeking,1,"I have been hiding a lot the last few years, including myself. I don't know where to turn or who to turn to . I moved from Texas and left my entire life I had built. 2 jobs my parents and friends Just pure stability. To move to Kentucky for who is now my ex-husband but due to having NO one and nothing I have no way out and live in the basement of his mother's home where he lives upstairs. Since moving here and being stuck the last 5 years I have list both my parents one to suicide and the other to cancer . I have no friends left and I don't know anyone here but his family. I wasn't aloud to make friends or work while we was married now I'm trapped with no car, no job, no money ,and want to get back to Texas where all my distant family is from but have no where there how can I get out of this abusive relationship with nothing .",Nalahall88,1,0,2,2020-01-08 06:09:44,domesticviolence,"I have been hiding a lot the last few years, including myself. I don't know where to turn or who to turn to . I moved from Texas and left my entire life I had built. 2 jobs my parents and friends Just pure stability. To move to Kentucky for who is now my ex-husband but due to having NO one and nothing I have no way out and live in the basement of his mother's home where he lives upstairs. Since moving here and being stuck the last 5 years I have list both my parents one to suicide and the other to cancer . I have no friends left and I don't know anyone here but his family. >I wasn't aloud to make friends or work while we was married now I'm trapped with no car, no job, no money I want to get back to Texas where all my distant family is from but have no where there how can I get out of this abusive relationship with nothing .",2,0,1,,,How did X make you feel?,your abusive relationship,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you get out of this relationship,,True,201 emme15,Lashing out to friends more.,1b,rant,1,"I have a close friend I’ve known for 25 years and lately my anger has gotten so out of control I am saying really blunt shit to her. Like I have been hearing the same complaints from her for decades and she never does anything about it, she just likes complaining. And I’ve hit my limit of tolerance. But because I have let it get to a point where I get super angry, I can’t calmly or reasonably tell her I don’t want to hear about the same problems anymore without being extremely frank and blunt. It’s like my anger builds up and I can’t moderate my emotions well enough to nicely explain things. I’m just almost nasty about it. Not sure how to fix this at all.",ForgetfulLucy28,1,0,2,2020-01-10 05:18:48,Anger,"I have a close friend I’ve known for 25 years and lately my anger has gotten so out of control I am saying really blunt shit to her. Like I have been hearing the same complaints from her for decades and she never does anything about it, she just likes complaining. And I’ve hit my limit of tolerance. But because I have let it get to a point where I get super angry, I can’t calmly or reasonably tell her I don’t want to hear about the same problems anymore without being extremely frank and blunt. It’s like my anger builds up and I can’t moderate my emotions well enough to nicely explain things. I’m just almost nasty about it. Not sure how to fix this at all.",2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,your friend's complaints,What do you need help with now that X?,you are annoyed with the complaints,,True,200 elejhb,Question?,0,help-seeking,1,Ever since January 1st this year my anger has been at a 2 out of 10. I know the rage and intense anger will come back soon I'm sure but why since the 1st my repetitive thoughts and intense rage fueled ideations have I guess took a short break? One thing to mention is that I took lsd and Molly the day before. And another thing to mention im not using drugs as a crutch and I deleted my connects number nor do I see it as a miracle or issue solved. I just want to know why has my anger took a short break?,BaconEggFries,1,0,2,2020-01-07 17:24:05,Anger,Ever since January 1st this year my anger has been at a 2 out of 10. I know the rage and intense anger will come back soon I'm sure but why since the 1st my repetitive thoughts and intense rage fueled ideations have I guess took a short break? One thing to mention is that I took lsd and Molly the day before. And another thing to mention im not using drugs as a crutch and I deleted my connects number nor do I see it as a miracle or issue solved. I just want to know why has my anger took a short break?,2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,the rage and anger,,,,True,202 epiyp2,"Twenty-Four Hours a Day, 1.16",0,chitchat,2,"Thought The A.A. program is more a way of building a new life than just a way of getting over drinking, because in A.A. we don't just stop drinking. We did that plenty of times in the old days when we 'went on the wagon.' And, of course, we always started to drink again because we were only waiting for the time when we could fall off. Once we've got sober through the A.A. program, we start going uphill. In our drinking days, we were going downhill, getting worse and worse. We either go down or up. Am I going uphill, getting better and better? Meditation I will try to obey God's will day in and day out, in the wilderness plains as well as on the mountaintops of experience. It is in the daily strivings that perseverance counts. I believe that God is Lord of little things, the Divine Controller of little happenings. I will persevere in this new way of life. I know that nothing in the day is too small to be part of God's scheme. Prayer I pray that the little stones that I put into the mosaic of my life may make a worthwhile pattern. I pray that I may persevere and so find harmony and beauty.",Whtsox,1,0,4,2020-01-16 12:55:28,alcoholicsanonymous,"Thought The A.A. program is more a way of building a new life than just a way of getting over drinking, because in A.A. we don't just stop drinking. We did that plenty of times in the old days when we 'went on the wagon.' And, of course, we always started to drink again because we were only waiting for the time when we could fall off. Once we've got sober through the A.A. program, we start going uphill. In our drinking days, we were going downhill, getting worse and worse. We either go down or up. Am I going uphill, getting better and better? Meditation I will try to obey God's will day in and day out, in the wilderness plains as well as on the mountaintops of experience. It is in the daily strivings that perseverance counts. I believe that God is Lord of little things, the Divine Controller of little happenings. I will persevere in this new way of life. I know that nothing in the day is too small to be part of God's scheme. Prayer I pray that the little stones that I put into the mosaic of my life may make a worthwhile pattern. I pray that I may persevere and so find harmony and beauty.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 eiahl7,Existentialism in the winter,0,rant,1,"Idk why but every winter it's something that scares and stresses me out. My mortality, getting old, ceasing to exist, fear of living forever, determinism, fear pf being lonely and missing out. But then when winter is over it doesn't phase me.",Killa_Kamikaze,1,0,0,2019-12-31 23:18:52,depression,"Idk why but every winter it's something that scares and stresses me out. My mortality, getting old, ceasing to exist, fear of living forever, determinism, fear pf being lonely and missing out. But then when winter is over it doesn't phase me.",2,1,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel every winter,What do you need help with now that X?,every winter you feel scared,,True,210 ei8zz6,"At around 4-5 PM I often feel spaced out, mostly likely b/c meds are wearing off...I have an appt soon btw and I would to ask my dr to allow me to try a booster but I would like those that take ER and then IR to share your experience with this.",0,help-seeking,2,"Right now I am taking methylphenidate ER 54 mg for ADHD zoloft 100 mg and Zyprexa 2.5 mg --> Night! For MDD and GAD. Yes, I will ask my doctor! I have an appt in a few days!",ToonlinkFTW890,1,0,4,2019-12-31 21:18:42,ADHD,"At around 4-5 PM I often feel spaced out. mostly likely b/c meds are wearing off...I have an appt soon btw and I would to ask my dr to allow me to try a booster but I would like those that take ER and then IR to share your experience with this. Right now I am taking methylphenidate ER 54 mg for ADHD zoloft 100 mg and Zyprexa 2.5 mg --> Night! For MDD and GAD. Yes, I will ask my doctor! I have an appt in a few days!",2,1,0,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,the wearing of the meds make you feel,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel spaced out in evening,,True,210 el0qmd,On day 3 1/2,0,survey,1,"I'm currently on day 3 of being without oxycontin 80mg daily usage, I'm having horrible hot flashes and skin blushing; I just wanted to see if you guys had this happen before and when did they go away. I'm fortunate enough to not have to vomit yet.",thrownaway34678,1,0,13,2020-01-06 21:34:51,OpiatesRecovery,I'm currently on day 3 of being without oxycontin 80mg daily usage. I'm having horrible hot flashes and skin blushing. I just wanted to see if you guys had this happen before and when did they go away. I'm fortunate enough to not have to vomit yet.,1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you were taking oxycontin,,,,,,True,122 ep12hp,Seeking advice on how to help a friend,1b,help-seeking,2,"this is my first and probably only reddit post and it’s on a throwaway account. I have a friend with a variety of mental health disorders who’s shown to be extremely manipulative at times and i don’t know how to help her or get away from her without hurting her. in the past she’s lied to me so that i’ll let her sleep over and she’s hurt herself physically to make me feel bad for things i’ve said or done. i’ve told her in the past that i don’t want to be in a relationship with anybody for a while because i need to learn myself more first. she seemed to understand and even agreed with me. recently she admitted how she really felt about me and told me i was the only thing that made her happy anymore. it was not a heated conversation at all, i tried my best to seem kind and i thought it went as ok as that kind of conversation can go, but then i get a message from my friend urgently asking for her address. she had taken a whole bottle of pills in an effort to end her life. me and that same friend met up with her and her family at the hospital and she apologized and said she’ll try and get better. she’s in a psychiatric facility now and we’re all hoping it will help. i’m worried because this isn’t the first time something like this has happened to her. she refuses to use the resources in front of her and continues to lie in order to get where she wants, which is not where she needs to be. every time i try to distance myself she hurts herself and every time i get closer she gets even more attached. i don’t know what to do or how i can help her without hurting her even more. any piece of advice helps.",rjcjsifisiufejjfeifn,1,0,2,2020-01-15 11:20:37,mentalillness,"this is my first and probably only reddit post and it’s on a throwaway account. I have a friend with a variety of mental health disorders who’s shown to be extremely manipulative at times and i don’t know how to help her or get away from her without hurting her. in the past she’s lied to me so that i’ll let her sleep over and she’s hurt herself physically to make me feel bad for things i’ve said or done. i’ve told her in the past that i don’t want to be in a relationship with anybody for a while because i need to learn myself more first. she seemed to understand and even agreed with me. recently she admitted how she really felt about me and told me i was the only thing that made her happy anymore. it was not a heated conversation at all, i tried my best to seem kind and i thought it went as ok as that kind of conversation can go, but then i get a message from my friend urgently asking for her address. she had taken a whole bottle of pills in an effort to end her life. me and that same friend met up with her and her family at the hospital and she apologized and said she’ll try and get better. she’s in a psychiatric facility now and we’re all hoping it will help. i’m worried because this isn’t the first time something like this has happened to her. she refuses to use the resources in front of her and continues to lie in order to get where she wants, which is not where she needs to be. every time i try to distance myself she hurts herself and every time i get closer she gets even more attached. i don’t know what to do or how i can help her without hurting her even more. any piece of advice helps.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eiq1vw,lol,0,chitchat,1,"that epic gamer moment when it turns 00:00 on new year’s day and you’re sobbing while your arm bleeds all over your legs and you’re having a nervous breakdown 🥰 urggggh",fried-mayonaise,1,0,3,2020-01-02 00:02:56,selfharm,that epic gamer moment when it turns 00:00 on new year’s day and you’re sobbing while your arm bleeds all over your legs and you’re having a nervous breakdown 🥰 urggggh,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 eiulg1,"If you could get rid of one symptom of your BPD, what would you get rid of?",0,help-seeking,1,"Mine would be the random feelings of irritability. It happens everyday especially if I'm tired. For a few minutes it'll be like I can't be talked to or touched and just any minor thing someone does irritates me. It makes me want to break something. Any suggestions for dealing with strong irritability over small things?",imagineaworldliketht,1,0,12,2020-01-02 06:29:30,BPD,"If you could get rid of one symptom of your BPD, what would you get rid of? Mine would be the random feelings of irritability. It happens everyday especially if I'm tired. For a few minutes it'll be like I can't be talked to or touched and just any minor thing someone does irritates me. It makes me want to break something. Any suggestions for dealing with strong irritability over small things?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eirgh8,I feel like I’m going insane,1a,help-seeking,2,"Hi friends, I’ve struggled with anxiety since I was 13 (20 now) but at the beginning of 2019 I started experiencing anxiety like I’ve never experienced before and I feel like the entirety of last year was just one perpetual panic attack. My anxiety before this has always been social - I still get that but not as severely as before and I can usually rationally think myself out of being nervous about social situations nowadays. But at the beginning of 2019 when the climate emergency movements and information started coming much more urgently than before, it made me panic. I had several months of just questioning the purpose of everything about living if our climate is just going to collapse soon. I came out of that, but all that was left was this constant existential dread. Like I feel extremely aware 24/7 of the fact that we are very temporary - even if I live a full life, I am going to pass one day, so why do I worry about making money or being reputable or even something as trivial as physical appearance? Why am I alive? Why do others worry about such trivial things and how do others blissfully lead lives centered around materialism when that is extremely temporary? How do people live lives without being so aware of this? Sometimes it’s kind of a neat thing to be so aware of these details all the time because on rare occasions it allows me to not worry about small stuff, just be happy and enjoy, etc but usually it just leads to a weird panicky depression where I don’t want to do anything because I don’t see the point. My stream of consciousness currently feels like a broken, overflowing dam that kind of overflows into the smallest details about life - a messy room, fixating on someone’s feathering lipstick, fixating on someone chewing nails or an irritating noise, like OCD or untreated ADHD. I’ve been to therapy pretty consistently in my earlier years of anxiety which I think is where I got my rational thinking that can occasionally talk me down from these ledges, but I stopped going to therapy a while ago due to me beginning college and moving, and lately the anxiousness has evolved into something I don’t know how to soothe. I’ve never been prescribed medication for anxiety because I think the doctor i visited when I was much younger thought I was too young to prescribe anything, but do you think it would be worth revisiting a doctor or therapist and talking about prescriptions? I just don’t know how to fix this.",thefuckintea,1,0,2,2020-01-02 01:55:45,Anxiety,"Hi friends, I’ve struggled with anxiety since I was 13 (20 now) but at the beginning of 2019 I started experiencing anxiety like I’ve never experienced before and I feel like the entirety of last year was just one perpetual panic attack. My anxiety before this has always been social - I still get that but not as severely as before and I can usually rationally think myself out of being nervous about social situations nowadays. But at the beginning of 2019 when the climate emergency movements and information started coming much more urgently than before, it made me panic. I had several months of just questioning the purpose of everything about living if our climate is just going to collapse soon. I came out of that, but all that was left was this constant existential dread. Like I feel extremely aware 24/7 of the fact that we are very temporary - even if I live a full life, I am going to pass one day, so why do I worry about making money or being reputable or even something as trivial as physical appearance? Why am I alive? Why do others worry about such trivial things and how do others blissfully lead lives centered around materialism when that is extremely temporary? How do people live lives without being so aware of this? Sometimes it’s kind of a neat thing to be so aware of these details all the time because on rare occasions it allows me to not worry about small stuff, just be happy and enjoy, etc but usually it just leads to a weird panicky depression where I don’t want to do anything because I don’t see the point. My stream of consciousness currently feels like a broken, overflowing dam that kind of overflows into the smallest details about life - a messy room, fixating on someone’s feathering lipstick, fixating on someone chewing nails or an irritating noise, like OCD or untreated ADHD. I’ve been to therapy pretty consistently in my earlier years of anxiety which I think is where I got my rational thinking that can occasionally talk me down from these ledges, but I stopped going to therapy a while ago due to me beginning college and moving, and lately the anxiousness has evolved into something I don’t know how to soothe. I’ve never been prescribed medication for anxiety because I think the doctor i visited when I was much younger thought I was too young to prescribe anything, but do you think it would be worth revisiting a doctor or therapist and talking about prescriptions? I just don’t know how to fix this.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 ejpkqx,30 days...again,0,chitchat,1,30 days clean today off bth. Again... Had 45 days this summer before my mom passed and I had a real rough time working through that grief and started chipping then went on a little run. This is only the 2nd time in 10yrs I've had 30 days clean and this time I feel like I am in a great position to succeed. I don't go often but I am proud of this and think I'll hit a meeting tomorrow for my 30 day chip. Got my sights on that 1 year chip. 1 year here I come.,EvergreenState425,25,0,14,2020-01-04 01:44:16,OpiatesRecovery,30 days clean today off bth. Again... Had 45 days this summer before my mom passed and I had a real rough time working through that grief and started chipping then went on a little run. This is only the 2nd time in 10yrs I've had 30 days clean and this time I feel like I am in a great position to succeed. I don't go often but I am proud of this and think I'll hit a meeting tomorrow for my 30 day chip. Got my sights on that 1 year chip. 1 year here I come.,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ej0s1h,every single day is just so fucking bland when u got social anxiety,1a,rant,1,"especially when ur on break from school, u just stay inside ur home, talk or chat to LITERALLY no one, watch netflix, scroll through your ig/twt/fb feed seeing ur friends or other ppl’s good, fun, worry-free life, eat, sleep late and do absolutely nothing except having ur mind flooded by overthinking shit and worse have panic attacks in the middle of the night. and repeat until u get sad and realize ur wasting your teenage life “sometimes i wonder if my inability to function in the real world is really such a bad thing. i wonder if that’s why i’ve spent so much time sheltered in my imagination”. i sometimes wish i could go party and enjoy but no one would even hit me up and when someone really does i panic and don’t know what to say leaving the other person uninterested or bored of me or thinking that i hate them i am tired. i just wanna make the most out of my life but this anxiety is stopping me",stylestrashhhie,1,0,6,2020-01-02 16:59:39,socialanxiety,"every single day is just so fucking bland when u got social anxiety especially when ur on break from school, u just stay inside ur home, talk or chat to LITERALLY no one, watch netflix, scroll through your ig/twt/fb feed seeing ur friends or other ppl’s good, fun, worry-free life, eat, sleep late and do absolutely nothing except having ur mind flooded by overthinking shit and worse have panic attacks in the middle of the night. and repeat until u get sad and realize ur wasting your teenage life “sometimes i wonder if my inability to function in the real world is really such a bad thing. i wonder if that’s why i’ve spent so much time sheltered in my imagination”. i sometimes wish i could go party and enjoy but no one would even hit me up and when someone really does i panic and don’t know what to say leaving the other person uninterested or bored of me or thinking that i hate them i am tired. i just wanna make the most out of my life but this anxiety is stopping me",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are not able to enjoy due to social anxiety,title,True,220 eil0xm,I sense that my FP is slowly severing our contact as a way to reach their happiness goals for 2020.,1b,rant,1,"Oh well. It is what it is. I shall make peace with this and hope they find the joy they deserve.",fourteencarrots,1,0,0,2020-01-01 17:39:07,BPD,I sense that my FP is slowly severing our contact as a way to reach their happiness goals for 2020. Oh well. It is what it is. I shall make peace with this and hope they find the joy they deserve.,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your FP's goals,How did X make you feel?,your FP slowly severing contact with you,What do you need help with now that X?,your FP is slowly severing contact with you,,True,100 ekffpr,"Study Maps Early Development of PTSD - ""around 23% of trauma survivors will develop post-traumatic stress disorder """,0,chitchat,2,"> Many people who experience trauma will recover without any severe long-term consequences. However, around 23% of trauma survivors will develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a difficult-to-treat illness that combines intrusive thoughts about the trauma, avoidance of reminders of it, low mood and an exaggerated startle reaction. > > Which trauma victims will develop the disorder and which will be spared is not well understood. > > Now a new study, published in the journal Depression and Anxiety, offers clues on how to identify those at greatest risk for PTSD and suggests potential interventions to help prevent its development. https://psychcentral.com/news/2019/12/27/study-maps-early-development-of-ptsd/152566.html",BlueAzzure,1,0,1,2020-01-05 16:48:39,ptsd,"> Many people who experience trauma will recover without any severe long-term consequences. However, around 23% of trauma survivors will develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a difficult-to-treat illness that combines intrusive thoughts about the trauma, avoidance of reminders of it, low mood and an exaggerated startle reaction. > > Which trauma victims will develop the disorder and which will be spared is not well understood. > > Now a new study, published in the journal Depression and Anxiety, offers clues on how to identify those at greatest risk for PTSD and suggests potential interventions to help prevent its development. https://psychcentral.com/news/2019/12/27/study-maps-early-development-of-ptsd/152566.html",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eix5ev,So bored,1c,rant,1,"I’m in work on duty and it’s dead and I cba and it’s going so slow 🙄 Jfc im literally walking around the hospital I work at wasting time.",shayflux,1,0,2,2020-01-02 11:32:11,ADHD,I’m in work on duty and it’s dead and I cba and it’s going so slow 🙄 Jfc im literally walking around the hospital I work at wasting time.,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 emc8xa,Diagnosed earlier this week and I feel shocked and angry.,1b,rant,1,"I’m mad at him for ruining so many parts of my life. I’m mad that I didn’t turn him in. I’m mad that he’s still out there, enjoying his fucking life. I’m just so upset and it’s coming out in a form of anger. And THAT makes me mad, too, lol.",dogsrcute_,1,0,4,2020-01-09 16:46:06,ptsd,"I’m mad at him for ruining so many parts of my life. Diagnosed earlier this week I feel shocked and angry. I’m mad that I didn’t turn him in. I’m mad that he’s still out there, enjoying his fucking life. I’m just so upset and it’s coming out in a form of anger. And THAT makes me mad, too, lol.",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how he ruined your life,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel angry that he ruined your life,,True,120 f219ya,Valentine's Day rape *trigger warning*,1a,rant,2,"Obviously not everyone loves Valentine's Day for various reasons, but for me it's just a painful reminder of the night I was drugged and date-raped on the bathroom floor of my own bar. I'd recognize the ""anniversary"" of any day of the year of course, but the fact that this day is broadcasted all over social media/tv/daily conversation just makes it that much more painful. I'll have to go to work and pretend I'm not replaying that night in my head all day..have to feign normalcy so people don't think I'm just bitter and lonely because I didn't have a giant teddy bear and chocolates thrust in my arms that morning. I still feel such shame about it and I know every year I just shut down and go through the day on auto-pilot..but this year I've just started a new job around kids that have been through similar circumstances and I'm worried I won't be able to contain it well enough. I wish I could just spend the day in bed and pretend it doesn't exist. It'll be four years this Friday but it's still fresh. Having been drugged, I only have flashes of memory anyway. Getting mouth-fucked and gagging with tears streaming down my face..being turned around and pounded ruthlessly, so hard he slipped and went in my ass, kept going of course. I remember the smell of the toilet cleaner, I remember the panic I felt when he said he wanted to take me to his friend's house. I remember staggering out to my car and somehow making my way home. I ran off the road and puked bright pink pineapple-raspberry scented alcohol all over the interior. I got home and broke down when I told my mom what happened..she went and threw away my seat covers and I went to bed. I woke up at 3 am feeling like filth and bawling because I couldn't find a bar of soap to scrub him off with. I tried to do the right thing and get help. I went to the bar and watched the camera footage to see when he laces my drink..figured if there were proof we could ban him from the bar and he couldn't do it to anyone else. I went to the hospital and spent 7 1/2 hours in a room getting a rape kit done, just in case he passed me something since he wasn't wearing a condom. They took pictures of the bruises to my genitals, ran the blood tests, they made me sign all the paperwork..tried to get me to press charges. I found out he'd ripped my esophagus and sphincter. I leaked poop out of my butt for weeks, having never had anal sex before. And still all my ""friends"" at the bar chalked it up to me just getting too drunk. I worked one more shift there after that..couldn't stop crying. So I moved to another state and started over. I only came back for holidays to see my family..maybe once or twice a year. Until this past November..I moved back to care for an ill relative. I figured I was healed enough to come back..but with Valentine's Day coming up, and me being back in the town where it happened..it's gonna be hard as fuck. Sorry if any of this was triggering..I just needed to vent about it.",kay-herewego,1,0,2,2020-02-11 02:06:47,rapecounseling,"Obviously not everyone loves Valentine's Day for various reasons, but for me it's just a painful reminder of the night I was drugged and date-raped on the bathroom floor of my own bar. I'd recognize the ""anniversary"" of any day of the year of course, but the fact that this day is broadcasted all over social media/tv/daily conversation just makes it that much more painful. I'll have to go to work and pretend I'm not replaying that night in my head all day..have to feign normalcy so people don't think I'm just bitter and lonely because I didn't have a giant teddy bear and chocolates thrust in my arms that morning. I still feel such shame about it and I know every year I just shut down and go through the day on auto-pilot..but this year I've just started a new job around kids that have been through similar circumstances and I'm worried I won't be able to contain it well enough. I wish I could just spend the day in bed and pretend it doesn't exist. It'll be four years this Friday but it's still fresh. Having been drugged, I only have flashes of memory anyway. Getting mouth-fucked and gagging with tears streaming down my face..being turned around and pounded ruthlessly, so hard he slipped and went in my ass, kept going of course. I remember the smell of the toilet cleaner, I remember the panic I felt when he said he wanted to take me to his friend's house. I remember staggering out to my car and somehow making my way home. I ran off the road and puked bright pink pineapple-raspberry scented alcohol all over the interior. I got home and broke down when I told my mom what happened..she went and threw away my seat covers and I went to bed. I woke up at 3 am feeling like filth and bawling because I couldn't find a bar of soap to scrub him off with. I tried to do the right thing and get help. I went to the bar and watched the camera footage to see when he laces my drink..figured if there were proof we could ban him from the bar and he couldn't do it to anyone else. I went to the hospital and spent 7 1/2 hours in a room getting a rape kit done, just in case he passed me something since he wasn't wearing a condom. They took pictures of the bruises to my genitals, ran the blood tests, they made me sign all the paperwork..tried to get me to press charges. I found out he'd ripped my esophagus and sphincter. I leaked poop out of my butt for weeks, having never had anal sex before. And still all my ""friends"" at the bar chalked it up to me just getting too drunk. I worked one more shift there after that..couldn't stop crying. So I moved to another state and started over. I only came back for holidays to see my family..maybe once or twice a year. Until this past November..I moved back to care for an ill relative. I figured I was healed enough to come back..but with Valentine's Day coming up, and me being back in the town where it happened..it's gonna be hard as fuck. Sorry if any of this was triggering..I just needed to vent about it.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you get relief from the trauma,,True,221 eivoue,Stigma,1b,rant,1,I hate having BPD. I hate myself. If I could reset everything I would because the people who caused me to suffer like this live with no consequence but I'm looked at like I'm a monster. I'm a fucking person. But the stigma against BPD is so harsh sometimes I look in the mirror and all I see is a monster. I cant stand it. Inside I feel like a sad little baby who just wants to be held and I keep crying and crying but no one will listen. But on the outside I'm an adult and when I start crying its more screaming and cursing but the need to be held doesnt cease. But people dont see screaming adults the same way they see crying babies.,louise_mcgee,1,0,4,2020-01-02 08:33:17,BPD,I hate having BPD. I hate myself. If I could reset everything I would because the people who caused me to suffer like this live with no consequence but I'm looked at like I'm a monster. I'm a fucking person. But the stigma against BPD is so harsh sometimes I look in the mirror and all I see is a monster. I cant stand it. Inside I feel like a sad little baby who just wants to be held and I keep crying and crying but no one will listen. But on the outside I'm an adult and when I start crying its more screaming and cursing but the need to be held doesnt cease. But people dont see screaming adults the same way they see crying babies.,2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you can't bear the stigma against BPD,,True,220 eiyg19,I’m so sick of being anxious all the time. I don’t even know why it happens anymore. It just seems like an automatic response whenever I encounter another human being.,1a,rant,1,,ninak21,1,0,13,2020-01-02 13:49:06,socialanxiety,I’m so sick of being anxious all the time. I don’t even know why it happens anymore. It just seems like an automatic response whenever I encounter another human being. nan,1,1,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what makes you anxious,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how the anxiety makes you feel,What do you need help with now that X?,you get anxious with everyone,,True,110 ekyytn,Does anyone else feel out of breath when trying to talk?,0,survey,1,I always get out of breath and my voice starts shaking when I’m talking/giving instructions. Has anyone overcame the out of breath part?? Any tips???,janungen-,1,0,4,2020-01-06 19:33:46,socialanxiety,I always get out of breath and my voice starts shaking when I’m talking/giving instructions. Has anyone overcame the out of breath part?? Any tips???,2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,being out of breath while speaking,,,,True,202 f6isce,Everyone is warning me to leave,1b,rant,2,I have a few other posts here on reddit that you can read. Everyone I talk to either here or in my real life have been telling me that this relationship has turned abusive. I want to try to leave but have no means of doing so yet. My other posts explain why but long story short I am stuck in a fairly isolated town with no friends or family. I have been given no money at all. No money has been put into the joint account and when he does it's to look good because he knows I tell my mom...but he takes away my debit card. I had money stored in my cookie jar that has also all been taken. I also do not have a job out here I quit my job to move with him and jobs are far and few in between here. Yesterday was a bad day. He ended up swearing at me and yelling at me because I asked to sit down and have a conversation. I'm completely isolated here and have nobody to talk to. He said he wouldn't have to swear at me if I wouldn't pester him basically. He took me out for supper and of course is very sweet in public to me but once at home he claims I give him no alone time I'm always just fucking here in the house when he comes home from work...there's literally nowhere for me to go here in town I know nobody and everything closes by 5pm. He tries to intimidate me when hes angry by ripping his hair out and punching himself in the face. He has raised a fist to me and has punched the bed when I was laying on it but hasn't hit me yet. He had made comments supposedly as a joke that he has an in with the cops. I'm terrified at this point of him. I keep looking at the clock seeing he will be home in a few hours and it give me anxiety.,Icantoteyeregg,1,0,1,2020-02-19 22:39:01,domesticviolence,I have a few other posts here on reddit that you can read. Everyone I talk to either here or in my real life have been telling me that this relationship has turned abusive. I want to try to leave but have no means of doing so yet. My other posts explain why but long story short I am stuck in a fairly isolated town with no friends or family. I have been given no money at all. No money has been put into the joint account and when he does it's to look good because he knows I tell my mom...but he takes away my debit card. I had money stored in my cookie jar that has also all been taken. I also do not have a job out here I quit my job to move with him and jobs are far and few in between here. Yesterday was a bad day. He ended up swearing at me and yelling at me because I asked to sit down and have a conversation. I'm completely isolated here and have nobody to talk to. He said he wouldn't have to swear at me if I wouldn't pester him basically. He took me out for supper and of course is very sweet in public to me but once at home he claims I give him no alone time I'm always just fucking here in the house when he comes home from work...there's literally nowhere for me to go here in town I know nobody and everything closes by 5pm. He tries to intimidate me when hes angry by ripping his hair out and punching himself in the face. He has raised a fist to me and has punched the bed when I was laying on it but hasn't hit me yet. He had made comments supposedly as a joke that he has an in with the cops. I'm terrified at this point of him. I keep looking at the clock seeing he will be home in a few hours and it give me anxiety.,2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are stuck in an abusive relationship,,True,220 eksc9x,What do I do if I don’t care about people,1a,help-seeking,1,"I don’t know what’s wrong with me . Here are a few random weird things I’ve noticed: I genuinely don’t care if family members die and I feel like I only see value in people when they serve a purpose for me. When I go out with a “friend”, I get bored very quickly. Most people would say that I’m not that expressive or appreciative and it has ruined my relationships with people. I prefer to hang out by myself but I struggle a lot with self-love and anxiety... I don’t know how to get help for this weird feeling.. I’ve had it since I was around 14 , so 10 years.. I want to change by starting to genuinely care and love others. How can I do that?",nopenguinsallowed,1,0,7,2020-01-06 10:28:33,socialanxiety,"I don’t know what’s wrong with me . Here are a few random weird things I’ve noticed: I genuinely don’t care if family members die and I feel like I only see value in people when they serve a purpose for me. When I go out with a “friend”, I get bored very quickly. Most people would say that I’m not that expressive or appreciative and it has ruined my relationships with people. I prefer to hang out by myself but I struggle a lot with self-love and anxiety... I don’t know how to get help for this weird feeling.. I’ve had it since I was around 14 , so 10 years.. I want to change by starting to genuinely care and love others. How can I do that?",2,1,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you feel you calue people for their usefullness,,,,True,212 eib0d8,Hows everyone doing on this new years eve?,0,survey,1,"I know as well as everyone new years makes you think back and regret and wonder why you're still here one more year.. Well i'm spending new years alone at home and I'm just wondering how everyone is doing and if you need a place to vent or talk this can be a safe place for you. Happy new year everyone. We made it and maybe things will get better.",bumblebeehoneycomb,1,0,8,2020-01-01 00:00:56,depression,I know as well as everyone new years makes you think back and regret and wonder why you're still here one more year.. Well i'm spending new years alone at home and I'm just wondering how everyone is doing and if you need a place to vent or talk this can be a safe place for you. Happy new year everyone. We made it and maybe things will get better.,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 ej1rv5,Any medicated 3rd shifters? or irregular sleep schedules?,0,help-seeking,1,"Hey guys. I have been recently moved to full time 3rd shift and I'm struggling with a medication routine.I have 2 kids so I try to go back to a regular sleep schedule on my days off to maximize time with them but I have a hard time figuring how to take my meds. With the recent shift switch and increased dosage nothing is working like it used to. if I take them before my nap I sleep an hour or 2 if I'm lucky. sometimes not at all meaning I'm up for 24+ hours. If I dont take it I'm a grouchy inhuman lump on the couch. if I take it when I wake up then I'm up too late to wake up at a normal time the next day. Anybody have any tips or tricks? I'm on Vyvance 30mg. I work 10 hour shifts 4 days a week. 8p to 630a (usually). thanks!",MixieRhooles,1,0,24,2020-01-02 18:11:00,ADHD,Hey guys. I have been recently moved to full time 3rd shift and I'm struggling with a medication routine.I have 2 kids so I try to go back to a regular sleep schedule on my days off to maximize time with them but I have a hard time figuring how to take my meds. With the recent shift switch and increased dosage nothing is working like it used to. if I take them before my nap I sleep an hour or 2 if I'm lucky. sometimes not at all meaning I'm up for 24+ hours. If I dont take it I'm a grouchy inhuman lump on the couch. if I take it when I wake up then I'm up too late to wake up at a normal time the next day. Anybody have any tips or tricks? I'm on Vyvance 30mg. I work 10 hour shifts 4 days a week. 8p to 630a (usually). thanks!,2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ekz7v7,Snapple sad fact,0,rant,3,,BarbarianBeast10,1,0,2,2020-01-06 19:50:40,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ejntdv,Guys I'm having a supercalafragalisticextostentialcrisis,0,rant,1,,ReallyUglyCrocodile,5,0,6,2020-01-03 23:34:02,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,title,True,000 eok05m,"Weekly News & Studies Discussion - January 14, 2020",0,chitchat,1,Read any mental health news or studies that interested you? Share them!,AutoModerator,1,0,0,2020-01-14 11:21:18,mentalillness,Read any mental health news or studies that interested you? Share them!,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 emvitl,How do I get past the devil’s chinney? The link to the photo is in the text,0,help-seeking,1,https://i.imgur.com/NSfpqn1,Changmeister888,1,0,2,2020-01-10 19:04:00,getting_over_it,https://i.imgur.com/NSfpqn1,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eif42m,Hiding in my room just waiting for the new year while relatives are outside smh,0,rant,3,,Luism_23,1,0,0,2020-01-01 06:26:46,socialanxiety,Hiding in my room just waiting for the new year while relatives are outside smh nan,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you are hiding from relatives,How did X make you feel?,hiding in your room,What do you need help with now that X?,you are hiding from relatives,title,True,100 end2m5,PTSD symptoms reappearing after months of complete freedom,1b,survey,2,"I was sexually assaulted on a date in November of my freshman year of college, which was just over a year ago. I didn't remember the incident until February of freshman year, which was when my PTSD symptoms began to appear and worsen, which caused the deterioration and end of my first serious relationship. I was diagnosed in July when I began trauma therapy and attended weekly until mid-November of this year, when my therapist and I jointly decided I no longer needed to continue attending, since I had seemed to make a dramatic recovery and had not experienced any symptoms for several weeks. I'm not quite sure how I recovered so quickly, but I developed good coping and grounding skills in therapy and also have a wonderful, supporting and loving boyfriend who doesn't judge me or blame me for my symptoms, unlike my previously mentioned ex. After months of near daily panic attacks, nightmares and insomnia, and constant anxiety, I came to a point where I felt completely and utterly free. I felt like I had my life back and started to no longer see myself as a victim of assault, but a survivor. I didn't feel stuck in the past anymore, and for the first time in nearly a year, I was able to be excited about the future as opposed to only focused on how to survive each day. But for some reason over the past few weeks, I've started to experience some symptoms again. Not nearly to the degree they used to be, but they're there. I think it's worsened by the fact that I can't help but feeling defeated and disappointed in myself that this has started up again. My wonderful boyfriend keeps telling me that he loves me no matter what and that it's not my fault and that beating myself up for the reappearance is only going to make it worse, and he's right, but I can't help being terrified that this is going to escalate. I'm so scared I'm going to lose all the progress I've made. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? This is my first ever post on reddit, so I'm sorry if this is too long or a weird format or anything. Thank you all <3",Lady_rotkaeppchen,1,0,1,2020-01-11 20:51:27,ptsd,"I was sexually assaulted on a date in November of my freshman year of college, which was just over a year ago. I didn't remember the incident until February of freshman year, which was when my PTSD symptoms began to appear and worsen, which caused the deterioration and end of my first serious relationship. I was diagnosed in July when I began trauma therapy and attended weekly until mid-November of this year, when my therapist and I jointly decided I no longer needed to continue attending, since I had seemed to make a dramatic recovery and had not experienced any symptoms for several weeks. I'm not quite sure how I recovered so quickly, but I developed good coping and grounding skills in therapy and also have a wonderful, supporting and loving boyfriend who doesn't judge me or blame me for my symptoms, unlike my previously mentioned ex. After months of near daily panic attacks, nightmares and insomnia, and constant anxiety, I came to a point where I felt completely and utterly free. I felt like I had my life back and started to no longer see myself as a victim of assault, but a survivor. I didn't feel stuck in the past anymore, and for the first time in nearly a year, I was able to be excited about the future as opposed to only focused on how to survive each day. But for some reason over the past few weeks, I've started to experience some symptoms again. Not nearly to the degree they used to be, but they're there. I think it's worsened by the fact that I can't help but feeling defeated and disappointed in myself that this has started up again. My wonderful boyfriend keeps telling me that he loves me no matter what and that it's not my fault and that beating myself up for the reappearance is only going to make it worse, and he's right, but I can't help being terrified that this is going to escalate. I'm so scared I'm going to lose all the progress I've made. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? This is my first ever post on reddit, so I'm sorry if this is too long or a weird format or anything. Thank you all <3",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 etu9n8,I got angry at my mom today and lashed out,1b,rant,1,"We had volunteered to cook and deliver a meal to the homeless shelter today. The recipe we chose was a chili recipe that involves browning some ground beef and sausage then mixing it with beans, tomatoes, and seasonings and cooking it in a crock pot for 5 hours. Anyway, we bought the beef yesterday, both with the understanding that we would use it today, but my mom stuck the beef in the freezer without thinking. This resulted in us having to take an extra 20 minutes to defrost the beef when we were already in a hurry to get the crock pot started and I really started to panic because I wasn’t sure if we could start it in time to have it ready to deliver at the appropriate time. So yeah, I felt genuinely angry with my mom because she knew we would need the beef and she didn’t think before freezing it. I know it was unintentional, but I was just panicked and scared of letting the people at the homeless shelter down and I guess my anxiety just manifested as anger even though she was apologizing profusely and doing her best to help. I feel really bad about it now.",papitojones,1,0,2,2020-01-25 18:14:35,Anger,"We had volunteered to cook and deliver a meal to the homeless shelter today. The recipe we chose was a chili recipe that involves browning some ground beef and sausage then mixing it with beans, tomatoes, and seasonings and cooking it in a crock pot for 5 hours. Anyway, we bought the beef yesterday, both with the understanding that we would use it today, but my mom stuck the beef in the freezer without thinking. This resulted in us having to take an extra 20 minutes to defrost the beef when we were already in a hurry to get the crock pot started and I really started to panic because I wasn’t sure if we could start it in time to have it ready to deliver at the appropriate time. So yeah, I felt genuinely angry with my mom because she knew we would need the beef and she didn’t think before freezing it. I know it was unintentional, but I was just panicked and scared of letting the people at the homeless shelter down and I guess my anxiety just manifested as anger even though she was apologizing profusely and doing her best to help. I feel really bad about it now.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel bad about your actions,,True,220 ejmago,Help.,1a,help-seeking,2,"This is going to be a long one. I’m 13. I’ve never posted on reddit, but I feel as though I will so I made this throwaway account. I’m not sure if i have a mental illness, I’m trying my hardest not to be a millennial attention seeker, or someone who over dramatises their situations for attention, as I’ve seen a lot of that happen around me. As previously stated, I’m 13. I feel like I’m extremely physiologically smart, I don’t know how to explain it but I’ll try my best. I feel like I know EVERYTHING. I only recently realised that I’m not actually that smart very recently. I’m in all the top sets for subjects, but I wouldn’t say that that’s where I feel clever. I don’t know if it’s the correct term, but I feel very physiologically smart. I never have “real” 1:1 conversations. I’m always manipulating others into something. Again, as previously stated, it’s incredibly hard to explain, but I feel above everyone else. There’s always a third party in my brain, knowing exactly how to destroy someone in an argument, or how to make them fall into my physiological traps. Again, not trying to diagnose myself, but I feel like I have a little anger problem. I’m not sure if it’s normal, but I have certain triggers that will make me fuming. I can’t quite place what they are yet, and it’s extremely random, but recently, I was interrupted. It was kinda the cause for this post, as it’s gotten to a point where I don’t think that it’s normal. I will clench my fists so hard that it hurts. I get so angry that it scares me. I will want to kill. I will violently shake and be unable to breathe for such tiny causes. I’ve never told anyone the full story, as I used to think that my problems were so much less than others. It’s a bit contradictory as I’ve just said that I only just realised that I wasn’t as smart as I thought, but i feel incredibly street smart. I’ve thought about suicide, murder and more a lot. I don’t know how to explain it, but I feel as though I’m a kind of god. It sounds very sociopathic, but I often think about what an amazing murderer I would be. I’m good at science. I think about how I could dissolve the body and what not. It sounds stupid to leave this in, but I think that this shows how I think, even if the whole previous paragraph doesn’t make sense or is very off topic. I’ve been to therapy / counselling, but it doesn’t help. That might be due to the fact that I never tell them the full story, or lie to make them feel as though they’re doing a good job when actually, they’re doing nothing. I also love animals and I hate gory stuff, but when I get angry or sad, those emotions all seem to fade and I feel like a different person. I go ballistic, completely out of control. I’ve almost killed my little brother a couple of times, luckily regaining control before i strangle him. I’ve been afraid to tell anyone incase they call the police, or I get taken into a psychiatric ward or whatever. I also do not have a hard life. I’m a white male with upper middle class parents, with basically no needs or reasons for sadness, and yet I still feel unattached, as though my parents are strangers, even with the love and support that they show. There’s so much more that I cant really cover, or that I’ve forgotten. AGAIN, as I’ve said, I’m really not trying to be a dramatic teenager, so sorry if It sounds like I’m begging for attention or something. If anything needs clearing up, or clarifying, I’ll be active in replies. Extra info: I’ve cut myself many a time, rarely deep but causing blood & pain. I’ve thought about murdering my family, and running away a lot. (Even though I have no reason to)",ThrowAway73776379998,2,0,4,2020-01-03 21:43:39,mentalillness,"This is going to be a long one. I’m 13. I’ve never posted on reddit, but I feel as though I will so I made this throwaway account. I’m not sure if i have a mental illness, I’m trying my hardest not to be a millennial attention seeker, or someone who over dramatises their situations for attention, as I’ve seen a lot of that happen around me. As previously stated, I’m 13. I feel like I’m extremely physiologically smart, I don’t know how to explain it but I’ll try my best. I feel like I know EVERYTHING. I only recently realised that I’m not actually that smart very recently. I’m in all the top sets for subjects, but I wouldn’t say that that’s where I feel clever. I don’t know if it’s the correct term, but I feel very physiologically smart. I never have “real” 1:1 conversations. I’m always manipulating others into something. Again, as previously stated, it’s incredibly hard to explain, but I feel above everyone else. There’s always a third party in my brain, knowing exactly how to destroy someone in an argument, or how to make them fall into my physiological traps. Again, not trying to diagnose myself, but I feel like I have a little anger problem. I’m not sure if it’s normal, but I have certain triggers that will make me fuming. I can’t quite place what they are yet, and it’s extremely random, but recently, I was interrupted. It was kinda the cause for this post, as it’s gotten to a point where I don’t think that it’s normal. I will clench my fists so hard that it hurts. I get so angry that it scares me. I will want to kill. I will violently shake and be unable to breathe for such tiny causes. I’ve never told anyone the full story, as I used to think that my problems were so much less than others. It’s a bit contradictory as I’ve just said that I only just realised that I wasn’t as smart as I thought, but i feel incredibly street smart. I’ve thought about suicide, murder and more a lot. I don’t know how to explain it, but I feel as though I’m a kind of god. It sounds very sociopathic, but I often think about what an amazing murderer I would be. I’m good at science. I think about how I could dissolve the body and what not. It sounds stupid to leave this in, but I think that this shows how I think, even if the whole previous paragraph doesn’t make sense or is very off topic. I’ve been to therapy / counselling, but it doesn’t help. That might be due to the fact that I never tell them the full story, or lie to make them feel as though they’re doing a good job when actually, they’re doing nothing. I also love animals and I hate gory stuff, but when I get angry or sad, those emotions all seem to fade and I feel like a different person. I go ballistic, completely out of control. I’ve almost killed my little brother a couple of times, luckily regaining control before i strangle him. I’ve been afraid to tell anyone incase they call the police, or I get taken into a psychiatric ward or whatever. I also do not have a hard life. I’m a white male with upper middle class parents, with basically no needs or reasons for sadness, and yet I still feel unattached, as though my parents are strangers, even with the love and support that they show. There’s so much more that I cant really cover, or that I’ve forgotten. AGAIN, as I’ve said, I’m really not trying to be a dramatic teenager, so sorry if It sounds like I’m begging for attention or something. If anything needs clearing up, or clarifying, I’ll be active in replies. Extra info: I’ve cut myself many a time, rarely deep but causing blood & pain. I’ve thought about murdering my family, and running away a lot. (Even though I have no reason to)",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you have such violent thoughts,,True,220 eipp00,I don't really know if this is the right place to post this (21M),1a,help-seeking,2," There has been a lot of stuff bothering me lately. I've been posting about things like this a lot. I'll try to keep this short. I worry about a lot of things. I only have one more semester before I graduate college and I am scared by that. I also have no social life and I'm worried I'll be lonely for a long time, maybe forever. The thing that has been bothering me the most though is my sexuality. I just seem to be scared of it or something. I don't even know what my sexual orientation is. Like I said I don't have a social life, so I don't have many friends at college, but there is an old friend of mine from schoolchild that I think I might be attracted to, but I can't really tell if it's genuine. That's just a brief explanation. Anyways, like I said, I've been posting about this a lot lately and I feel like I've sort of been obsessing over it and it's making me feel pretty shitty lately. I guess I just think that maybe more of a one on one conversation would help me a little bit more. If anyone who's gone through something similar would be willing to PM me I'd really appreciate it, I just feel like it might help to find someone to ""talk"" to.",throwaway-3621,1,0,10,2020-01-01 23:34:31,getting_over_it," There has been a lot of stuff bothering me lately. I've been posting about things like this a lot. I'll try to keep this short. I worry about a lot of things. I only have one more semester before I graduate college and I am scared by that. I also have no social life and I'm worried I'll be lonely for a long time, maybe forever. The thing that has been bothering me the most though is my sexuality. I just seem to be scared of it or something. I don't even know what my sexual orientation is. Like I said I don't have a social life, so I don't have many friends at college, but there is an old friend of mine from schoolchild that I think I might be attracted to, but I can't really tell if it's genuine. That's just a brief explanation. Anyways, like I said, I've been posting about this a lot lately and I feel like I've sort of been obsessing over it and it's making me feel pretty shitty lately. I guess I just think that maybe more of a one on one conversation would help me a little bit more. If anyone who's gone through something similar would be willing to PM me I'd really appreciate it, I just feel like it might help to find someone to ""talk"" to.",2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,being scared by your sexuality,,,,True,212 f4o7id,Quite the Year,1a,rant,2,"This could be a bit of a rant. Winter 2018 I(24yoM) had a alcohol induced psychosis, my relationship at the time was nearing its end, and my dad was living his last days with Cancer. My cousin was shot to death in April 2019 and my dad passed away in May 2019. To this current day, I've felt like everything has happened so fast, and each event so close to the other, timewise. I haven't really been able to thoroughly Procces or really grasp what's happened. Please forgive any disorganization as I try to type this through, as it may take me a while. The breakup, along with the loss of my dad really fucked me up because for me personally, they merged into eachother. I felt like I was going through it alone, and now, present day, I realize that I did go through that alone. We broke up in January 2019 and for a while, I would catch myself thinking things like ""ok, now that that's over with, maybe now I can focus on relationship problems."" It was too late for that by that time. My beloved cousin. I have to express that his death affected me because growing up, I had awful role models, and I looked to him as my best one. I think he just showed me how to be respectful, not get beat up and how to enjoy living. He was deported when I was a teenager and we never saw eachother again. We spoke over the phone, and he always talked about coming back. Home depressed him after he saw how different life is here. He would have made the trip this year, he was planning it and my mother and I were gonna help him with money. Unfortunately he was murdered, alongside his friend. This specific death, has continuously troubled me because I know how much he wanted to be here with us. He cried for it. Losing him to ICE was hard enough. The irony, and the anger I feel when I think about how he was sent back to what he was trying to escape and he died there. I opened myself to God in 2019 though, I went to church consecutively after my dad died for some time. Honestly it helped through some of the hardest months of my life. I was caught off guard by the choir and the sermons and I would cry, and cry. I got up though, for a while I had some of the healthiest energy and I was getting promoted at my job, I was beginning to get a sense of self back. My attitude has drastically deteriorated. I got fired from this job that I genuinely enjoyed, even loved, I loved the people I worked with, the culture, I would say ""god put me here"". I really felt like that. Today, any value, any worth, any merit behind who I am is gone. I have just been feeling so damn weak, so useless, so stupid and I try to rationally tell myself that those feelings are temporary, that I know I can feel good because I have before. It's just so damn hard to believe in myself right now. I want to acknowledge that this post is a bit unorganized but this is really the first time I've really tried to talk about it all, or get it out somewhere so I want to thank anyone who took time to read through this mess because I know its alot and probably not making a lot of sense. Thank you all.",reggieOarpeggiO,1,0,0,2020-02-16 09:02:37,getting_over_it,"This could be a bit of a rant. Winter 2018 I(24yoM) had a alcohol induced psychosis, my relationship at the time was nearing its end, and my dad was living his last days with Cancer. My cousin was shot to death in April 2019 and my dad passed away in May 2019. To this current day, I've felt like everything has happened so fast, and each event so close to the other, timewise. I haven't really been able to thoroughly Procces or really grasp what's happened. Please forgive any disorganization as I try to type this through, as it may take me a while. The breakup, along with the loss of my dad really fucked me up because for me personally, they merged into eachother. I felt like I was going through it alone, and now, present day, I realize that I did go through that alone. We broke up in January 2019 and for a while, I would catch myself thinking things like ""ok, now that that's over with, maybe now I can focus on relationship problems."" It was too late for that by that time. My beloved cousin. I have to express that his death affected me because growing up, I had awful role models, and I looked to him as my best one. I think he just showed me how to be respectful, not get beat up and how to enjoy living. He was deported when I was a teenager and we never saw eachother again. We spoke over the phone, and he always talked about coming back. Home depressed him after he saw how different life is here. He would have made the trip this year, he was planning it and my mother and I were gonna help him with money. Unfortunately he was murdered, alongside his friend. This specific death, has continuously troubled me because I know how much he wanted to be here with us. He cried for it. Losing him to ICE was hard enough. The irony, and the anger I feel when I think about how he was sent back to what he was trying to escape and he died there. I opened myself to God in 2019 though, I went to church consecutively after my dad died for some time. Honestly it helped through some of the hardest months of my life. I was caught off guard by the choir and the sermons and I would cry, and cry. I got up though, for a while I had some of the healthiest energy and I was getting promoted at my job, I was beginning to get a sense of self back. My attitude has drastically deteriorated. I got fired from this job that I genuinely enjoyed, even loved, I loved the people I worked with, the culture, I would say ""god put me here"". I really felt like that. Today, any value, any worth, any merit behind who I am is gone. I have just been feeling so damn weak, so useless, so stupid and I try to rationally tell myself that those feelings are temporary, that I know I can feel good because I have before. It's just so damn hard to believe in myself right now. I want to acknowledge that this post is a bit unorganized but this is really the first time I've really tried to talk about it all, or get it out somewhere so I want to thank anyone who took time to read through this mess because I know its alot and probably not making a lot of sense. Thank you all.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are devastated by the loss,,True,220 el16po,Scared,1a,help-seeking,1,"I keep reading all these posts and other places online about detoxing off fentanyl and I’ve been wanting to get off for awhile now, but I’ve honestly been terrified about the withdrawal. I have people that can give me subs, opiate withdrawal meds but I feel like I’m Going to need more. Shouldn’t I need medical detox ? I don’t use it to feel the high, I’ve just been using so it so i don’t get “dope sick” My family doesn’t know. Only a couple people close to me knows.. scared, Ashamed and just done.. I’ve only smoked from H to Fet, under a gram every other day...tips, advice?!",Jm_13_88,1,0,10,2020-01-06 22:05:30,OpiatesRecovery,"I keep reading all these posts and other places online about detoxing off fentanyl and I’ve been wanting to get off for awhile now, but I’ve honestly been terrified about the withdrawal. I have people that can give me subs, opiate withdrawal meds but I feel like I’m Going to need more. Shouldn’t I need medical detox ? I don’t use it to feel the high, I’ve just been using so it so i don’t get “dope sick” My family doesn’t know. Only a couple people close to me knows.. scared, Ashamed and just done.. I’ve only smoked from H to Fet, under a gram every other day...tips, advice?!",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eq7zbl,Is it rape if I eventually give in and participate?,1a,help-seeking,2,"I cheated on my girlfriend with one of my best friends boyfriends at a party. We were drunk and on molly. He was even more fucked up, molly, alcohol, shrooms, weed (which I learn after apparently makes him dissociate). I went to the bathroom to pee, the bathroom is in his and his girlfriends bedroom. He comes in, tries kissing me while I’m peeing. I tell him to leave because I can’t pee while he’s in there. He leaves but doesn’t shut the door. I go to wash my hands, he pulls me out of the bathroom and starts trying to kiss me. I pull away I kept trying to walk to out the bedroom door, he pushed me back every time. He pulls my dress up I push it down several times. I say no. I call his gfs name several times because I know she’s right outside. Nothing was working. So I gave in, I kissed back, I fucked back. I let it happen even though I know it was the wrong thing to do. I knew I would lose all my friends, I knew I would hurt my friend who I care about, I knew I would hurt and probably lose my girlfriend(I’m a woman btw) So why did I do it? Why did I just sit there and think and not do anything to stop it? I don’t understand how I could do something so wrong and fucked up and stupid. There was so much more I could have done to get away from him. I didn’t have to sleep with him. Am I unconsciously sabotaging everything good in my life? This was a friend I really care about and was really happy we were becoming closer friends so why the fuck did I do it??",deepseafishj,1,0,2,2020-01-17 22:56:13,rapecounseling,"I cheated on my girlfriend with one of my best friends boyfriends at a party. We were drunk and on molly. He was even more fucked up, molly, alcohol, shrooms, weed (which I learn after apparently makes him dissociate). I went to the bathroom to pee, the bathroom is in his and his girlfriends bedroom. He comes in, tries kissing me while I’m peeing. I tell him to leave because I can’t pee while he’s in there. He leaves but doesn’t shut the door. I go to wash my hands, he pulls me out of the bathroom and starts trying to kiss me. I pull away I kept trying to walk to out the bedroom door, he pushed me back every time. He pulls my dress up I push it down several times. I say no. I call his gfs name several times because I know she’s right outside. Nothing was working. So I gave in, I kissed back, I fucked back. I let it happen even though I know it was the wrong thing to do. I knew I would lose all my friends, I knew I would hurt my friend who I care about, I knew I would hurt and probably lose my girlfriend(I’m a woman btw) So why did I do it? Why did I just sit there and think and not do anything to stop it? I don’t understand how I could do something so wrong and fucked up and stupid. There was so much more I could have done to get away from him. I didn’t have to sleep with him. Am I unconsciously sabotaging everything good in my life? This was a friend I really care about and was really happy we were becoming closer friends so why the fuck did I do it??",2,0,1,,,How did X make you feel?,the incident at the party,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you sort your emotions,,True,201 ej5fze,I'm starting therapy on January 27 :),0,rant,1,"I already see a psychiatrist for my ADHD. I might talk to her or someone else to finally figure out what's wrong with me! I'm a little nervous, but I can't wait!",StabbedPotato19,9,0,12,2020-01-02 22:26:25,selfharm,"I'm starting therapy on January 27 :) I already see a psychiatrist for my ADHD. I might talk to her or someone else to finally figure out what's wrong with me! I'm a little nervous, but I can't wait!",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your ADHD,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are nervous about starting therapy,,True,120 eitb55,Harder than I thought,0,rant,2,"As I sit here in a crowded room, all I can think of is you. I thought the noise would drown out the pain but I see now that's not true. My broken heart beats over the music, as I hold back my tears. I thought it would be easy to heal, but each moment feels like years. 🖤",UDontGotaLieToKickit,1,0,0,2020-01-02 04:30:33,BPD,"As I sit here in a crowded room, all I can think of is you. I thought the noise would drown out the pain but I see now that's not true. My broken heart beats over the music, as I hold back my tears. I thought it would be easy to heal, but each moment feels like years. ",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,who you think about,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unable to heal from the breakup,,True,120 eqbhm9,The Well,1b,help-seeking,2,"The best possible way to describe my issue with anger is like a deep simmering well. It has nowhere to go, runs hot and deep. I'm not a violent person by nature, and I have no inclination or drive to hurt anyone or myself, but this deep seeded wrathfulness seems to always be lingering a hair's breadth from being exposed. I feel like everything and everyone (including and especially myself) provides a never ending stream of frustration and disappointment that will never end. Everytime I make the effort to change myself or climb out of this endless well of loathing and resentment, Im just reminded of everything I've failed at and the things I havent accomplished. No matter what effort or plan of action I employ, I will at some point or another end up exactly where I'm already at. I'm not well off, I'm barely helping my fiancee pay bills because my job only pays $10 an hour, and has inconsistent hours. I have no health insurance, and couldnt afford counseling even if I tried. What am I supposed to do?",SelcouthRogue,1,0,2,2020-01-18 03:55:59,Anger,"The best possible way to describe my issue with anger is like a deep simmering well. It has nowhere to go, runs hot and deep. I'm not a violent person by nature, and I have no inclination or drive to hurt anyone or myself, but this deep seeded wrathfulness seems to always be lingering a hair's breadth from being exposed. I feel like everything and everyone (including and especially myself) provides a never ending stream of frustration and disappointment that will never end. Everytime I make the effort to change myself or climb out of this endless well of loathing and resentment, Im just reminded of everything I've failed at and the things I havent accomplished. No matter what effort or plan of action I employ, I will at some point or another end up exactly where I'm already at. I'm not well off, I'm barely helping my fiancee pay bills because my job only pays $10 an hour, and has inconsistent hours. I have no health insurance, and couldnt afford counseling even if I tried. What am I supposed to do?",2,2,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you get relief from frustration,,True,221 eiywcx,Link between Gender/Body Dysmorphia and BPD?,1a,help-seeking,2,"I'll try to not let this turn into a rant because I'm really not doing well tonight but I'm just wondering because it seems like my jumbled sense of self translates in so many ways and it's really crippling and confusing I'm a boy and I'm comfortable with that but when I hang out with certain people where it feels safe to do so I love doing full glam hair and makeup and being effiminate and every time I do I'm like ""damn this is who I am maybe I was meant to be a girl and thats why I'm confused"" and other people tell me the same but the truth is I don't think I am, but what if I am? Who am I? Then I go through another identity crisis but I still end up going to my usual boy style and I look back and think of how silly those thoughts were and I cringe that I told people about that because I feel a completely different way sometimes. Body dysmorphia, damn. I can't have one second without thinking how much I hate myself and my body and I take dozens of selfies everyday and study them like I'm studying for a final. I KNOW by body isn't normal, I use my fitness tracker religiously and count my calories burnt and my weight at the end of each day. **Honestly If i put the energy and meltdowns I have about my appearance into something good I would've solved world hunger by now**. I know everyone kinda feels this way and stuff but its past the point of delusion for me, I mirror check every five minutes and put hundreds of dollars into skincare, different outfits, different hairstyles and I still feel so fucking ugly. I don't know how I even tricked someone into actually liking me or being intimate with me. Sorry this definitely turned into a rant but I raised the question if you guys think this might be BPD related? Identity crisis/splitting? Anyone relate?",tarotharo,1,0,1,2020-01-02 14:30:39,BPD,"I'll try to not let this turn into a rant because I'm really not doing well tonight but I'm just wondering because it seems like my jumbled sense of self translates in so many ways and it's really crippling and confusing I'm a boy and I'm comfortable with that but when I hang out with certain people where it feels safe to do so I love doing full glam hair and makeup and being effiminate and every time I do I'm like ""damn this is who I am maybe I was meant to be a girl and thats why I'm confused"" and other people tell me the same but the truth is I don't think I am, but what if I am? Who am I? Then I go through another identity crisis but I still end up going to my usual boy style and I look back and think of how silly those thoughts were and I cringe that I told people about that because I feel a completely different way sometimes. Body dysmorphia, damn. I can't have one second without thinking how much I hate myself and my body and I take dozens of selfies everyday and study them like I'm studying for a final. I KNOW by body isn't normal, I use my fitness tracker religiously and count my calories burnt and my weight at the end of each day. **Honestly If i put the energy and meltdowns I have about my appearance into something good I would've solved world hunger by now**. I know everyone kinda feels this way and stuff but its past the point of delusion for me, I mirror check every five minutes and put hundreds of dollars into skincare, different outfits, different hairstyles and I still feel so fucking ugly. I don't know how I even tricked someone into actually liking me or being intimate with me. Sorry this definitely turned into a rant but I raised the question if you guys think this might be BPD related? Identity crisis/splitting? Anyone relate?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ekoveh,Looking for classes on caring for an emotionally traumatized person at home,0,help-seeking,1,Please help me find some resources,DaddyPanduh,1,0,0,2020-01-06 04:34:56,domesticviolence,Looking for classes on caring for an emotionally traumatized person at home Please help me find some resources,0,0,2,What happened that you want X ?,find classes for emotional trauma,Why are you wanting X ?,resources for healing emotional trauma,,,,True,002 elg0p3,"Hey, need some advice I guess...",1b,help-seeking,2,"It’s my first time posting on reddit so please be nice. Backstory for those intrested. For the last couple of years I’ve been struggling with depression. I’ve always been the funny friend who makes everyone laugh and is loved by a lot of people but while I was going through puberty some childhood trauma came back up. Memories I had pushed away and tried to forget long ago started haunting me again. I started being more and more quiet, had anxiety, slept badly,... The first 2 times I went to a therapist was because of the depression. It helped me immensely, I felt great, did a lot with friends, made new friends, felt really confident and good, even met a girl who was amazing. I ended up dating that girl for a couple of months. She was the first girl I’ve ever loved. but she broke it off without warning or anything. Looking back at the end of the relationship I realised I was being insecure and pushed her away because I was again slowly getting depressed. 2 months after we broke up, I talked to a good friend of her. He told me she was seeing someone from her hometown since january. We broke up in february. When he told me that, it fucked me up pretty bad. I became addicted to certain drugs and drank alcohol untill I passed out almost every night. The nights I didn’t pass out, I cried myself to sleep. I could be laughing and having fun going out with friends and cry the second I got home till I fell asleep. It got so bad my mom intervened and called a doctor she knows. He got me on a special list to see a top-tier therapist in my hometown. That therapist really talked to me, listened and gave me things to think about. At one point i straight up asked her what was wrong with me. She made me do some test to be 100% sure. The results of those test were pretty clear. I have psychopatic tendencies and am bipolar with an addictive personality. I have only recently told this to some of my best friends even though I have known about it for about a year now. Now the thing I need help with is that I don’t want to lose my friends especially a girl I’ve fallen in love with, but I don’t want to hurt them when I have a bad episode or am depressed again. I have so many questions especially about the psychopat part and how that influences my life. I have feelings and i do feel bad about mistakes I’ve made and people I’ve hurt but most times I don’t and it fucks me up to think about how fucked up I am. I don’t know if i am capable to hurt someone and I don’t want to hurt anyone in any way, but what if I do when I have manic episode? Btw: I don’t see my therapist anymore, my mom doesn’t know I have any mental issues and I take no medication. Also I’m not a native speaker so sorry for writing mistakes. TL/DR : Bipolar, psychopatic tendencies, addictive personality need advice in case I hurt someone or how to live with it in general.",not-to-blame-yfm,1,0,0,2020-01-07 19:06:38,mentalillness,"It’s my first time posting on reddit so please be nice. Backstory for those intrested. For the last couple of years I’ve been struggling with depression. I’ve always been the funny friend who makes everyone laugh and is loved by a lot of people but while I was going through puberty some childhood trauma came back up. Memories I had pushed away and tried to forget long ago started haunting me again. I started being more and more quiet, had anxiety, slept badly,... The first 2 times I went to a therapist was because of the depression. It helped me immensely, I felt great, did a lot with friends, made new friends, felt really confident and good, even met a girl who was amazing. I ended up dating that girl for a couple of months. She was the first girl I’ve ever loved. but she broke it off without warning or anything. Looking back at the end of the relationship I realised I was being insecure and pushed her away because I was again slowly getting depressed. 2 months after we broke up, I talked to a good friend of her. He told me she was seeing someone from her hometown since january. We broke up in february. When he told me that, it fucked me up pretty bad. I became addicted to certain drugs and drank alcohol untill I passed out almost every night. The nights I didn’t pass out, I cried myself to sleep. I could be laughing and having fun going out with friends and cry the second I got home till I fell asleep. It got so bad my mom intervened and called a doctor she knows. He got me on a special list to see a top-tier therapist in my hometown. That therapist really talked to me, listened and gave me things to think about. At one point i straight up asked her what was wrong with me. She made me do some test to be 100% sure. The results of those test were pretty clear. I have psychopatic tendencies and am bipolar with an addictive personality. I have only recently told this to some of my best friends even though I have known about it for about a year now. Now the thing I need help with is that I don’t want to lose my friends especially a girl I’ve fallen in love with, but I don’t want to hurt them when I have a bad episode or am depressed again. I have so many questions especially about the psychopat part and how that influences my life. I have feelings and i do feel bad about mistakes I’ve made and people I’ve hurt but most times I don’t and it fucks me up to think about how fucked up I am. I don’t know if i am capable to hurt someone and I don’t want to hurt anyone in any way, but what if I do when I have manic episode? Btw: I don’t see my therapist anymore, my mom doesn’t know I have any mental issues and I take no medication. Also I’m not a native speaker so sorry for writing mistakes. TL/DR : Bipolar, psychopatic tendencies, addictive personality need advice in case I hurt someone or how to live with it in general.",2,1,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how do bipolar and depression make you feel,,,,True,212 eiawae,Just realised that whenever I count my cuts for no apparent reason and I’m like at 7970 or so I’m like let me make that 8000 for no fucking reason so never count your scars it becomes a addiction lol,0,rant,1,,yeetbjd,1,0,9,2019-12-31 23:51:40,selfharm,Just realised that whenever I count my cuts for no apparent reason and I’m like at 7970 or so I’m like let me make that 8000 for no fucking reason so never count your scars it becomes a addiction lol nan,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you cut yourself,How did X make you feel?,harming yourself,What do you need help with now that X?,you are addicted to cutting yourself,,True,100 ei9xe3,My SO/FP of 5 yrs just dumped me.,1a,help-seeking,1,"Things had gotten so much better. The last 4 months I started therapy, medication, working - even moved into my own place just this past Sunday. He feels like I'm strong enough now to make it without him. I've hurt him too much, he needs to ""begin the healing process"". He's right... But it hurts so fucking much. I'm terrified I'm going to freefall into destruction. I don't know if I can do it. Every time I think about my life without him, I crumble all over again. Then come the terrible thoughts. I bawl for a while, rinse, repeat. I moved to be closer to him. This whole city reminds me of him. I know I've been shitty, but I've finally gotten better. I thought 2020 was going to be the year where I finally make it up to him... I was too late. How do I not destroy myself?",TheHormoneMonstress-,1,0,3,2019-12-31 22:33:46,BPD,"My SO/FP of 5 yrs just dumped me. Things had gotten so much better. The last 4 months I started therapy, medication, working - even moved into my own place just this past Sunday. He feels like I'm strong enough now to make it without him. I've hurt him too much, he needs to ""begin the healing process"". He's right... But it hurts so fucking much. I'm terrified I'm going to freefall into destruction. I don't know if I can do it. Every time I think about my life without him, I crumble all over again. Then come the terrible thoughts. I bawl for a while, rinse, repeat. I moved to be closer to him. This whole city reminds me of him. I know I've been shitty, but I've finally gotten better. I thought 2020 was going to be the year where I finally make it up to him... I was too late. How do I not destroy myself?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ep2cj8,My Experiences of Domestic Abuse by Jennifer Gilmore - video,0,chitchat,1,,Daisy1Daisy2,1,0,0,2020-01-15 13:29:39,domesticviolence,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eqeiqt,It's gotten worse,1b,rant,3,"I wrote recently [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/domesticviolence/comments/eoy9za/he_beat_me_again_and_im_over_it/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) and I thought I'd share an update. I found out today that on Monday, the person who had bailed my husband out of jail was a girl he met off a dating app, and he tried to make it seem like I was the psychotic one to them so the girl would go get him. He had sex with her and said he wanted to have a baby by her and forced her to delete the dating app they met on and then forced her to post a picture of him on her Facebook. Ridiculous. He said he wanted to impregnate her so bad, he came inside her. These are all her words. I'm not even shocked, because I found out he's been cheating with multiple women through his Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat accounts that I didn't even know existed. The girl didn't want to believe he was a married man and insisted that maybe I was lying but I showed her every message he's ever sent me and how he attempted to kill himself, plus videos and pictures on his gallery of him having sex with multiple other women while he lied about where he was to me. She said it had been the first time they met, and it was because she bailed him out of jail. ... This morning he tried to kill himself. At one point while we were still living together, he went and changed my Snapchat password and put Snapchat as Spam mail on my Gmail, so I could never see if someone else logged in. Well, I woke up at 4am because my daughter was hungry, and to stay awake, I hopped on snap just to find that it was logged out. I tried my password and it kept saying it was wrong. I reset it immediately and logged in, my husband had added himself and had screenshotted OLD conversations, conversations I had with people YEARS ago, WAYYYY before we were even married. Not only that, he saw a message I sent to a gay friend telling him my whereabouts and asking him to visit because I wanted to have someone to drink with and talk to. So now began the accusations from his part -- he began to say I was having an affair and that I never loved him and that he knew where I was at (I have a protection order, and since I'm military, he's barred from post and I'm staying safely within base, but he was never supposed to know that). He started telling me I never loved him and that he was going to kill himself. He started sending a lot of videos that I refused to open. So he saved them and sent them directly to me, he was downing a full bottle of sleeping pills. I called the police for a welfare check and told them the videos were from MY bedroom. They went, he refused to open the door, then they forced themselves in because they had clear evidence that he was trying to commit suicide based off the videos he sent me, and they took him to the ER. He's now in the ICU and has been stable but not exactly conscious. I hate how they told me since I'm his spouse, I have to be the only one to call and ask for updates. I'm super pissed. I want it to be his brother or sister, I want nothing to do with him and want nothing from him, but since he's not conscious, he can't say otherwise and his family keeps contacting me asking for updates. I fucking hate this guy. Would it be heartless or fucked up to say I wish I hadn't called the cops? That I wish he had died? I'm not sorry anymore, I went through hell this week just to find out he has cheated so many more times because of his suicide attempt. I fucking hate him! He's the father of my child and yet he beat me so many times because he didn't want me to find out or say someone else would treat me better. I am void of emotion. I feel nothing. Thanks to anyone who read this far. This was a way for me to vent, and to keep accountability of what has occurred. He was finally served with my protective order paperwork and I can't wait for them to serve him the divorce paperwork, too. I can't wait to never see him again.",nanathebigsis,1,0,8,2020-01-18 09:46:23,domesticviolence,"I wrote recently [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/domesticviolence/comments/eoy9za/he_beat_me_again_and_im_over_it/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) and I thought I'd share an update. I found out today that on Monday, the person who had bailed my husband out of jail was a girl he met off a dating app, and he tried to make it seem like I was the psychotic one to them so the girl would go get him. He had sex with her and said he wanted to have a baby by her and forced her to delete the dating app they met on and then forced her to post a picture of him on her Facebook. Ridiculous. He said he wanted to impregnate her so bad, he came inside her. These are all her words. I'm not even shocked, because I found out he's been cheating with multiple women through his Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat accounts that I didn't even know existed. The girl didn't want to believe he was a married man and insisted that maybe I was lying but I showed her every message he's ever sent me and how he attempted to kill himself, plus videos and pictures on his gallery of him having sex with multiple other women while he lied about where he was to me. She said it had been the first time they met, and it was because she bailed him out of jail. ... This morning he tried to kill himself. At one point while we were still living together, he went and changed my Snapchat password and put Snapchat as Spam mail on my Gmail, so I could never see if someone else logged in. Well, I woke up at 4am because my daughter was hungry, and to stay awake, I hopped on snap just to find that it was logged out. I tried my password and it kept saying it was wrong. I reset it immediately and logged in, my husband had added himself and had screenshotted OLD conversations, conversations I had with people YEARS ago, WAYYYY before we were even married. Not only that, he saw a message I sent to a gay friend telling him my whereabouts and asking him to visit because I wanted to have someone to drink with and talk to. So now began the accusations from his part -- he began to say I was having an affair and that I never loved him and that he knew where I was at (I have a protection order, and since I'm military, he's barred from post and I'm staying safely within base, but he was never supposed to know that). He started telling me I never loved him and that he was going to kill himself. He started sending a lot of videos that I refused to open. So he saved them and sent them directly to me, he was downing a full bottle of sleeping pills. I called the police for a welfare check and told them the videos were from MY bedroom. They went, he refused to open the door, then they forced themselves in because they had clear evidence that he was trying to commit suicide based off the videos he sent me, and they took him to the ER. He's now in the ICU and has been stable but not exactly conscious. I hate how they told me since I'm his spouse, I have to be the only one to call and ask for updates. I'm super pissed. I want it to be his brother or sister, I want nothing to do with him and want nothing from him, but since he's not conscious, he can't say otherwise and his family keeps contacting me asking for updates. I fucking hate this guy. Would it be heartless or fucked up to say I wish I hadn't called the cops? That I wish he had died? I'm not sorry anymore, I went through hell this week just to find out he has cheated so many more times because of his suicide attempt. I fucking hate him! He's the father of my child and yet he beat me so many times because he didn't want me to find out or say someone else would treat me better. I am void of emotion. I feel nothing. Thanks to anyone who read this far. This was a way for me to vent, and to keep accountability of what has occurred. He was finally served with my protective order paperwork and I can't wait for them to serve him the divorce paperwork, too. I can't wait to never see him again.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are feeling void of any emotion,,True,220 endt5w,Need help with my brother,1b,help-seeking,1,"Hi, my brother, who is homeless and addicted to heroin, asked me a few days ago if he could stay at my home to detox because he is supposed to start a program Monday and has to be 10 days clean. I agreed and he made me promise to not cave in and give him his keys NO MATTER WHAT! Well, he is detoxing really hard today and dopesick as hell, and is begging me for his keys, threatening to have his dealer come here, etc. I told him I love him too much to continue enabling him and if his dealer shows up here, the police will be called. Am I being as ass? Any advice?",devinsgma,1,0,28,2020-01-11 21:44:48,OpiatesRecovery,"Hi, my brother, who is homeless and addicted to heroin, asked me a few days ago if he could stay at my home to detox because he is supposed to start a program Monday and has to be 10 days clean. I agreed and he made me promise to not cave in and give him his keys NO MATTER WHAT! Well, he is detoxing really hard today and dopesick as hell, and is begging me for his keys, threatening to have his dealer come here, etc. I told him I love him too much to continue enabling him and if his dealer shows up here, the police will be called. Am I being as ass? Any advice?",2,1,1,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how do you feel about your brother's cravings,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you brother detox,,True,211 ent9bm,Getting Over that Wait/First Impression,1a,help-seeking,1,"I found a counselor, and my first session went amazing! It pretty much brought to light what brought me to this point, and just how things I didn’t think was still screwing with me were doing just that. Now, here where things get dicey. Something that I’ve noticed I’ve done since moving to a different state is that my ratio of conversations always include me asking “Am I doing alright” or “I didn’t mean to burden you” or just talking about something in relation to my old guilt/shame. My first impression at my new job is that I’m a depressing man who focuses WAY to much on his job performance with nothing to talk about, and I want to never be looked at this way again. I’m better than this! I’ve acknowledged that I have guilt/shame that I need to get over with professional help, and that it can’t (won’t) keep going like this, since I have such a good life ahead of me. Sessions have to be planned two weeks in advance, and sometimes I feel like I need to vent or say something about my baggage right then and there. I don’t plan on having my posts be dull and depressing to the ones I made before. So... How would you get over having to wait until the session with so much you need to get out? Also, how can you get over such a terrible first impression?",Sardony,1,0,5,2020-01-12 20:53:02,getting_over_it,"I found a counselor, and my first session went amazing! It pretty much brought to light what brought me to this point, and just how things I didn’t think was still screwing with me were doing just that. Now, here where things get dicey. Something that I’ve noticed I’ve done since moving to a different state is that my ratio of conversations always include me asking “Am I doing alright” or “I didn’t mean to burden you” or just talking about something in relation to my old guilt/shame. My first impression at my new job is that I’m a depressing man who focuses WAY to much on his job performance with nothing to talk about, and I want to never be looked at this way again. I’m better than this! I’ve acknowledged that I have guilt/shame that I need to get over with professional help, and that it can’t (won’t) keep going like this, since I have such a good life ahead of me. Sessions have to be planned two weeks in advance, and sometimes I feel like I need to vent or say something about my baggage right then and there. I don’t plan on having my posts be dull and depressing to the ones I made before. So... How would you get over having to wait until the session with so much you need to get out? Also, how can you get over such a terrible first impression?",1,1,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your old guilt and shame,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how the counsellor sessions make you feel,,,,True,112 elctim,What do you think of group therapy?,1b,survey,1,"So clean for 2 weeks and my casemanager thought group therapy would be a great follow up after my detox. To be honest, I hate it. I don't care about other peoples(strangers) problems and with every subject I have to wait for each individual to respond. It feels like everything they try to learn me, could easily fit in one hour if I would be alone. I notice some in the group really like to talk 'bout themselves while I try to keep my answer short so that others also have a chance to speak. I zone out a lot, can't sit still and notice I'm really inpatient. I feel no connection with the group because they come from different enviourments and most are alcoholics, what had never been a problem for me. I understand a group like this can support me, but I already have a lot of support from my parents and friends. I'm not in the mood to hear extra drama and feels like it's bringing me down. Does anyone reconize this?",Rockima,1,0,3,2020-01-07 15:16:30,addiction,"So clean for 2 weeks and my casemanager thought group therapy would be a great follow up after my detox. To be honest, I hate it. I don't care about other peoples(strangers) problems and with every subject I have to wait for each individual to respond. It feels like everything they try to learn me, could easily fit in one hour if I would be alone. I notice some in the group really like to talk 'bout themselves while I try to keep my answer short so that others also have a chance to speak. I zone out a lot, can't sit still and notice I'm really inpatient. I feel no connection with the group because they come from different enviourments and most are alcoholics, what had never been a problem for me. I understand a group like this can support me, but I already have a lot of support from my parents and friends. I'm not in the mood to hear extra drama and feels like it's bringing me down. Does anyone reconize this?",2,2,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you with the detox,,True,221 ep61sf,"My friend is in an abusive relationship and she's become very distant. What can I say or do, assuming anything at all, do get her to open up?",0,help-seeking,1,,Saint453,1,0,3,2020-01-15 18:21:33,domesticviolence,"My friend is in an abusive relationship and she's become very distant. What can I say or do, assuming anything at all, do get her to open up? nan",1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,about your friend's relationship,How did X make you feel?,you friend becoming distant,,,,True,102 eq77i7,Trying to get off of shooting subutex 8-16 mg a day for 2 years. I’m desperate I jumped from 8 mg to .5 mg the past 2 weeks withdrawals so bad still. When will it ever end?,1a,help-seeking,1,"I’ve been taking a lot of Kratom, ketamine, even oxys just to get off of subutex. I refuse to take it again. I took my last .5 piece orally 2 days ago. Let me say the past 7 days I’ve had had constant diarrhea, have to take a shit ton of red Kratom for 3 hours of relief..even bought some ketamine. And I’ve been buying oxys every other day or so. I just don’t know what to do.. playing hot potato with my opiates just to get off of subutex. I really Can’t believe how terrible wds are from subs. It’s like a fent withdrawal except it last weeks! Months? Will it ever end? Btw ill take oxy withdrawals over subutex In any world. Any advice people that have shot subs and know how bad it is? Anyone?",mskblast,1,0,2,2020-01-17 21:58:20,OpiatesRecovery,"I’ve been taking a lot of Kratom, ketamine, even oxys just to get off of subutex. I refuse to take it again. I took my last .5 piece orally 2 days ago. Let me say the past 7 days I’ve had had constant diarrhea. have to take a shit ton of red Kratom for 3 hours of relief..even bought some ketamine. And I’ve been buying oxys every other day or so. I just don’t know what to do.. playing hot potato with my opiates just to get off of subutex. I really Can’t believe how terrible wds are from subs. It’s like a fent withdrawal except it last weeks! Months? Will it ever end? Btw ill take oxy withdrawals over subutex In any world. Any advice people that have shot subs and know how bad it is? Anyone?",2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how the withdrawls make you feel,,,,True,212 eju055,Is this normal or indicative of social anxiety,1a,help-seeking,1,I frequently feel that I always have to choose my words carefully with people I socially interact with. Like Im always monitoring too much what Im saying in fear of saying “the wrong thing” or something that will make me socially rejected. Is that normal to a degree?,Tom2123,3,0,2,2020-01-04 08:17:00,socialanxiety,I frequently feel that I always have to choose my words carefully with people I socially interact with. Like Im always monitoring too much what Im saying in fear of saying “the wrong thing” or something that will make me socially rejected. Is that normal to a degree?,2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 ev0fpl,Angry,1b,rant,1,"I'm so angry at everyone around me, but mostly at my family. They just don't understand, I had left this behind me. I was okay with myself, living my best life before -this- all happened. They think this is some easy process. That once I give a simple statement, that's it. I'm done with all of this. But I was done a long time ago. I had put my memories and hatred in a box, dug a hole, put the box in the hole, covered it and planted a tree over it. Now they want me to bring it all back up, like it's some easy thing for me to do. That this will be soo much easier after this. Maybe for them, but this, bringing it up, ruining someone's life (although they ruined their own), going through the questions and being forced to bring up old memories, makes me so angry. Of course they wouldn't get it, because they have no idea what this feels like. I had already forgiven and moved on. Ugh! Don't they understand that this isn't helping me! Before this whole situation happened, I was happy. Better off before they threw me into this. Some things are better left underground.",KindaDone03,1,0,2,2020-01-28 04:20:13,rapecounseling,"I'm so angry at everyone around me, but mostly at my family. They just don't understand, I had left this behind me. I was okay with myself, living my best life before -this- all happened. They think this is some easy process. That once I give a simple statement, that's it. I'm done with all of this. But I was done a long time ago. I had put my memories and hatred in a box, dug a hole, put the box in the hole, covered it and planted a tree over it. Now they want me to bring it all back up, like it's some easy thing for me to do. That this will be soo much easier after this. Maybe for them, but this, bringing it up, ruining someone's life (although they ruined their own), going through the questions and being forced to bring up old memories, makes me so angry. Of course they wouldn't get it, because they have no idea what this feels like. I had already forgiven and moved on. Ugh! Don't they understand that this isn't helping me! Before this whole situation happened, I was happy. Better off before they threw me into this. Some things are better left underground.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,your family is wanting to you to bring up those memories again,,True,220 ek3any,20 year opiate addict. Clean since 2015 🌈🐌🐍🦍,0,chitchat,2,"The day I checked myself into rehab I was lying to myself from the jump. I remember during intake, the lady asked me when the last time I “used” was! Like I’m a junkie! They were pain pills 💊 not heroin for fucks sake. I did four days of detox and left without doing rehab. Fuck those people. I’m smarter than anyone 😂 And I did it. I stayed off pills. Did it with white knuckles and sheer grit. Doing it this way only cost me my marriage, my two daughters, three jobs, and I came closer than I’d like to admit to following Robin Williams example. I want to encourage anyone who is struggling to try your very hardest to attend a proper rehab. Honestly all I did was call my insurance company and tell them what I needed and they pointed me right where to go. I know not everyone has that luxury (another reason I was an IDIOT to not take advantage of rehab) but this community is the most amazing resource I’ve found as far as support and love for us dirty junkies ❤️ 💊 🌈🐌🐍🦍 I have a song about my experience that I thought some of you might like too. Thank you guys for being there. Opiates are designed to isolate. This community DID break that power, for those of us who’ve found it. I’m grateful for you all 🌈🐌🐍🦍 https://soundcloud.com/snakebitesape/painkiller",SnakeBitesApe,25,0,10,2020-01-04 22:05:03,OpiatesRecovery,"The day I checked myself into rehab I was lying to myself from the jump. I remember during intake, the lady asked me when the last time I “used” was! Like I’m a junkie! They were pain pills 💊 not heroin for fucks sake. I did four days of detox and left without doing rehab. Fuck those people. I’m smarter than anyone 😂 And I did it. I stayed off pills. Did it with white knuckles and sheer grit. Doing it this way only cost me my marriage, my two daughters, three jobs, and I came closer than I’d like to admit to following Robin Williams example. I want to encourage anyone who is struggling to try your very hardest to attend a proper rehab. Honestly all I did was call my insurance company and tell them what I needed and they pointed me right where to go. I know not everyone has that luxury (another reason I was an IDIOT to not take advantage of rehab) but this community is the most amazing resource I’ve found as far as support and love for us dirty junkies ❤️ 💊 🌈🐌🐍🦍 I have a song about my experience that I thought some of you might like too. Thank you guys for being there. Opiates are designed to isolate. This community DID break that power, for those of us who’ve found it. I’m grateful for you all 🌈🐌🐍🦍 https://soundcloud.com/snakebitesape/painkiller",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 elsf46,Discovered that my kids age is a possible trigger?,1b,help-seeking,1,"I was abused/neglected from birth until 3, when my grandmother adopted me and removed me from my abusive home. Then i started being sexually abused by an uncle around the age of 5 or so. I don't remember alot other than I was terrified of this man and him always touching my crotch and straight up making out with me. So recently i feel repulsed around my own two kids. I can't stand to see them naked or kissing them even the eye contact drives me fucking wild. It's been about a year of me being completely shut down. I look for anyway i can to get away from them and be alone and it's starting to affect them as well. Idk if I need advice. Just wanted to share my horrible realization to someone who will actually understand. Anyway, this shit sucks. If i could be anything I wanted it would be a good mom, but even that seems impossible with this diagnosis.",MoonBoobies420,1,0,22,2020-01-08 13:03:01,ptsd,"I was abused/neglected from birth until 3, when my grandmother adopted me and removed me from my abusive home. Then i started being sexually abused by an uncle around the age of 5 or so. I don't remember alot other than I was terrified of this man and him always touching my crotch and straight up making out with me. So recently i feel repulsed around my own two kids. I can't stand to see them naked or kissing them even the eye contact drives me fucking wild. It's been about a year of me being completely shut down. I look for anyway i can to get away from them and be alone and it's starting to affect them as well. Idk if I need advice. Just wanted to share my horrible realization to someone who will actually understand. Anyway, this shit sucks. If i could be anything I wanted it would be a good mom, but even that seems impossible with this diagnosis.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you deal with your past trauma,,True,221 ezyr4i,gyno appointment tomorrow,1a,rant,2,"i am freaking out about my gynecologist appointment tomorrow. Truly my assaults (it has been multiple) have not brought me much grief , didn’t think about them or felt like they effected me much throughout my last relationship , i think having a person to have healthy sex with made me not think about it or something. someone i felt so comfortable and safe with i did not at all think about those times. Now we broke up and it has been a nightmare going to the gynecologist Now of course it has effected me but i don’t know its all different now that i’m single. i have had a few appointments since we broke up and i have to ask her to stop ,even if it’s just a normal Pap. my heart races and i get hot and i feel like i could pass out. it isn’t the pain. it’s just the feeling of having to sit there and having to let someone do stuff down there is an all too familiar feeling that has been bottled up and is now catching up with me. i trying to get into a psychiatrist for this and many other things soon. i had a regular pap last week , which was horrible. and now i have to go in for a procedure tomorrow and possible biopsy . So i am terrified of both what they might find ... hopefully nothing and also the procedure itself. i have asked to prescribe me something to relax me so it isn’t as bad and i don’t want to have to tell her to stop and prolong the appointment or not figuring out what’s going on down there. i just want it over with but i’m terrified. i hope this isn’t triggering for anyone or anything and i really just wanted somewhere to talk where people might understand. thank you for reading this far.",Rosebud_xx,1,0,4,2020-02-06 20:45:58,rapecounseling,"i am freaking out about my gynecologist appointment tomorrow. Truly my assaults (it has been multiple) have not brought me much grief , didn’t think about them or felt like they effected me much throughout my last relationship , i think having a person to have healthy sex with made me not think about it or something. someone i felt so comfortable and safe with i did not at all think about those times. Now we broke up and it has been a nightmare going to the gynecologist Now of course it has effected me but i don’t know its all different now that i’m single. i have had a few appointments since we broke up and i have to ask her to stop ,even if it’s just a normal Pap. my heart races and i get hot and i feel like i could pass out. it isn’t the pain.it’s just the feeling of having to sit there and having to let someone do stuff down there is an all too familiar feeling that has been bottled up and is now catching up with me. i trying to get into a psychiatrist for this and many other things soon. i had a regular pap last week , which was horrible. and now i have to go in for a procedure tomorrow and possible biopsy . So i am terrified of both what they might find ... hopefully nothing and also the procedure itself. i have asked to prescribe me something to relax me so it isn’t as bad and i don’t want to have to tell her to stop and prolong the appointment or not figuring out what’s going on down there. i just want it over with but i’m terrified. i hope this isn’t triggering for anyone or anything and i really just wanted somewhere to talk where people might understand. thank you for reading this far.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you calm down for the gynecologist appointment,,True,221 eljesi,Cannot find a BigBook quote,0,help-seeking,1,"Hi! Could I kindly ask for your help? I hav in my mind that somewhere in the BB it says that we shouldn't fantasize poitlessly, however we cannot build a home without a blueprint (thus setting spiritual goals is a good thing). But I cannot find it. Could anyone kindly point me to the right pages?",graamatvede,1,0,2,2020-01-07 23:01:38,alcoholicsanonymous,"Hi! Could I kindly ask for your help? I hav in my mind that somewhere in the BB it says that we shouldn't fantasize poitlessly, however we cannot build a home without a blueprint (thus setting spiritual goals is a good thing). But I cannot find it. Could anyone kindly point me to the right pages?",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 exrv8a,i can’t explain what I’m feeling,0,help-seeking,1,"This is my first time posting here ever and I’m not sure where to go or where to start, but potential trigger warning, I’m a male for starters but i went on a trip with my family to visit our grandparents and our other family, short story short somebody slightly older than me took advantage of me and did things and well not a lot of people in my family know but my mom and dad and a few people I’ve opened up to about it, i didn’t think it would be a problem because it happened so long ago but recently I keep having some weird feeling or some feeling of the situation comes up and I can’t shake it off and it’s like I’m trying to force flashbacks to it all but it seems so fuzzy and it’s just messing me up big time, I’m too afraid to have any form of sexual interaction and I’m super giddy when people touch me or will playfully pin me on the ground, why is it now becoming a problem? what do you recommend I do? Is therapy really something i should look into? I don’t know what to do and it’s just eating at me by the day",time2gam3,1,0,0,2020-02-02 17:37:09,rapecounseling,"This is my first time posting here ever and I’m not sure where to go or where to start, but potential trigger warning, I’m a male for starters but i went on a trip with my family to visit our grandparents and our other family, short story short somebody slightly older than me took advantage of me and did things and well not a lot of people in my family know but my mom and dad and a few people I’ve opened up to about it. i didn’t think it would be a problem because it happened so long ago but recently I keep having some weird feeling or some feeling of the situation comes up and I can’t shake it off and it’s like I’m trying to force flashbacks to it all but it seems so fuzzy and it’s just messing me up big time. I’m too afraid to have any form of sexual interaction and I’m super giddy when people touch me or will playfully pin me on the ground. why is it now becoming a problem? what do you recommend I do? Is therapy really something i should look into? I don’t know what to do and it’s just eating at me by the day",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ei75tw,i hate new years,1c,rant,1,"never liked new years, or really any holiday for that matter. spent the majority of my new years by myself, locked in my room, because i know for a fact that no matter who tells me that “2020 will be good” i know damn well that it’s going to be just as crappy as 2019, 18 and the many years before. so uk what? fuck new year and fuck 2020... i hope the rest of u have a gd one tho :’",Divine_unity,1,0,1,2019-12-31 19:00:00,depression,"never liked new years, or really any holiday for that matter. spent the majority of my new years by myself, locked in my room, because i know for a fact that no matter who tells me that “2020 will be good” i know damn well that it’s going to be just as crappy as 2019, 18 and the many years before. so uk what? fuck new year and fuck 2020... i hope the rest of u have a gd one tho :’",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you dont like holidays,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you dont enjoy holidays ,,True,120 eiarhc,Life after college,0,rant,2,"I’m a 26 y/o bachelors degree graduate and I’ve been struggling with no light at the end of the tunnel feeling so I’ve got out of college, I find it mentally stressful looking for jobs that Fit me. I’ve done safety compliance, behavioral therapist (currently 8 months in working with autistic kids but my performance on data is slipping due to my lack of passion), receptionist, fruit warehousing/packing, sales associate,. I looked into radiology tech but I don’t have advanced biology course done fr entrance into program so I have to wait another year, and I’m trying to get on a substitute teacher list to see if I want to teach",Xboxrrod,1,0,0,2019-12-31 23:40:43,ADHD,"I’m a 26 y/o bachelors degree graduate and I’ve been struggling with no light at the end of the tunnel feeling so I’ve got out of college. I find it mentally stressful looking for jobs that Fit me. I’ve done safety compliance, behavioral therapist (currently 8 months in working with autistic kids but my performance on data is slipping due to my lack of passion), receptionist, fruit warehousing/packing, sales associate,. I looked into radiology tech but I don’t have advanced biology course done fr entrance into program so I have to wait another year, and I’m trying to get on a substitute teacher list to see if I want to teach",2,1,0,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how looking for jobs makes you feel,What do you need help with now that X?,you find it stressful to look for jobs,,True,210 eix6z9,Does Zoloft make you irritable?,0,help-seeking,1,"My doctor suggested that I take Zoloft for anxiety and panic. I've never taken meds before and the side effects scare me! I worry about not feeling like myself and having the meds change my personality. Most of all, I'm concerned that they might make me more irritable. My anxiety often manifests as being snappy, and I know it's hard for my family. Would Zoloft make me more irritable?",optimisticchef,1,0,3,2020-01-02 11:37:10,Anxiety,"My doctor suggested that I take Zoloft for anxiety and panic. I've never taken meds before and the side effects scare me! I worry about not feeling like myself and having the meds change my personality. Most of all, I'm concerned that they might make me more irritable. My anxiety often manifests as being snappy, and I know it's hard for my family. Would Zoloft make me more irritable?",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 elxe3a,Anxiety at an all time high. Any advice?!,1a,help-seeking,3,"My story is kinda long but here it goes anyways... I got in a car accident 9 years ago and shattered my pelvis and broke my hip. I was in the hospital for a few months and then had to re-learn to walk, do physical therapy, the whole usual ordeal. That accident brings me to where I am now, 9 years later, addicted to opioids. I have basically taken them off and on, mostly on, since that accident. There has been A LOT that has gone in these last 9 years but it would take a book to explain it all, so Ill just talk about the last 3-4 years. Before the accident, I had never taken any kind of pill other then tylenol/advil so Id say most of my current issues stem from within the past 9 years. Anyways, Ive been prescribed 3-4 10/325 oxycodones/day for the past couple years. I used to take them how they were prescribed and to be honest, I dont even know how/when I got this bad off. But for the past couple years, I would get my prescription and instead of taking 4/day, I would take 6-8/day. I never took two at a time but instead of taking them every 4-6 hours, I would take one every two hours, give or take 30 mins. Meaning I would usually run out almost two weeks early. So for the next two weeks I would trade my adderall for someone I knows hydrocodone. The hydrocodone didnt help my like the oxycodone did, but I felt like it helped enough that I wouldnt go into full withdrawals if that makes sense. Also note, I couldnt get an unlimited supply of hydrocodone or anything, I normally got enough of the 10mg hydros to take only 2-3/day, so I definitely had to somewhat control myself during that time. I never bought anything off the street or tried anything else. However, every month I told myself, Im going to take my meds the way Im supposed to take them, I HATED always worrying about pills...if I had them, would I be able to get them, how many could I get, etc. Which brings me back to how it literally CONSUMED me. Always in the back of my mind though was the actual, REAL pain I have in my lower back. Without pain meds, how would that be controlled?? Mind you Ive tried 3-4 different type of injections, physical therapy, non narcotics, etc. because at the end of the day I just dont want to be in this kinda pain but again, at the same time these pain pills have completely changed me as a person. Wheres the balance?! For the past couple months, I have been thinking REALLY hard about how I want to end this cycle but Ive never been strong enough to do it, until yesterday. I went to my pain management doctor and did the usual spiel and finally broke down and told him I want to get off the pills. He agreed with me, I could tell for the past few months he wanted me off the narcotics (which only added to my stress and anxiety..when would the time come that he would just stop prescribing them?? These are things that constantly ran through my head) but I was kind of passed to him from my other doctor who moved away and I guess since I had always complied and also tried several other things to try and help the pain, he never took them away. So he prescribed me like 5 other meds to help with the withdrawals and also called a personal doctor friend who works on the addiction side, as he said, who would be able to help with my dependency (addiction? I loathe that word). So the last pain pill I took was half of a 10mg hydrocodone at 8:30pm Monday night. (I took 3 10mg altogether that day) I went and got the meds he prescribed filled, although my pharmacy was out of two of them and they had to order them, hopefully they will come in today. Anyways, after that I went to work like normal and was actually not to bad off, minus my crying like a baby on and off while I texted my mom and dad about whats going on. I know my mom had some idea of how bad I was but my dad, who lives 3 hours away, had no clue. None of my friends know about this nor does any of the rest of my family including my siblings and step parents. Its mortifying and I dont want anyone else to know about it to be quite honest. So back to my main story, sorry I like to ramble. So my pain management doctors, doctor friend who works the “other side” of this, had his office call me within an hour of me leaving my doctors appt. She said the doctor could get me in Thursday morning (tomorrow) and asked the basic questions about insurance and stuff. I do have insurance but of course its one of the only ones that doctor doesnt accept, so my first appt will be $400 bc she said its a longer appt and I asked what all it entails. She said basically he will talk to me and find out what my issues are and most likely prescribe me suboxone, just ONE, that I will have to take and get filled at the pharmacy, bring back to the doctors office and take half in front of him? Then wait around so he can see and make sure I dont have any negative side effects and then Ill be able to leave. She didnt say anything more so I am guessing if the suboxone agrees with me, I will be given a script for it for a month and then have to follow back up with him in a month. Does this sound likely what is to happen? Aside from everything that happened with the doctors yesterday, here I am I guess about 36 hours after my last dose and I dont feel like Im dying or anything but I dont feel good either. I called into work this morning and Im also thinking about calling into my second job this afternoon, although I really need to be working. I feel tired more then anything, that and my back hurts. Im probably killing my liver with acetaminophen. Last night I was able to work almost my whole shift, I left two hours early because I just couldnt make myself work any longer. Im also having terrible anxiety. Ive had bad anxiety for years and used to be prescribed xanax, however, last year the doctors said there have been new studies done and they werent going to be prescribing pain meds and xanax anymore so I went off the xanax, which I never had an issue with that anyways. I only took it as needed, so not even everyday, it honestly wasnt hard to give up but holy fuck, I wish I had one right now. Im also just so so tired. I even took my adderall and Im still tired as shit. I have no motivation whatsoever, which I didnt have much while on the pills, not now it’s literally non existent. I know Ive read other peoples stories on different subs who sound like they’ve had it way worse than me and Im sure I sound like a big ass baby, Im just so pissed at myself for doing this to myself to begin with and now Im having a pity party. So I guess my questions are, how much worse will this get before it starts to get better? How long until I feel normal again? What should I expect from taking suboxone? Is there anything I can do now (like right now, today) to feel better, cut down on the anxiety, whatever? Ive read on here about something called Kratom, should I try that? I first read about it on another sub a couple months ago and have been thinking about trying it since then but Im honestly kind of scared since I dont know how itll effect me. I also do not smoke or drink, tried weed in the past, years ago, not my thing. Im looking forward to getting my LIFE back. The pills have completely changed me as a person. I used to be very social, had lots of friends, always on the go. Now, I dont do anything but work and lay on my couch. Im lazy as fuck, depressed as fuck and honestly probably wouldnt even leave the house if it wasnt for work and my dog. I rarely see my friends and when I do its because I have to force myself. Im just tried of living like this. Any help or advice is very much appreciated!!!! Sorry if my post is all over the place.",Free_Struggle,1,0,9,2020-01-08 19:21:07,addiction,"My story is kinda long but here it goes anyways... I got in a car accident 9 years ago and shattered my pelvis and broke my hip. I was in the hospital for a few months and then had to re-learn to walk, do physical therapy, the whole usual ordeal. That accident brings me to where I am now, 9 years later, addicted to opioids. I have basically taken them off and on, mostly on, since that accident. There has been A LOT that has gone in these last 9 years but it would take a book to explain it all, so Ill just talk about the last 3-4 years. Before the accident, I had never taken any kind of pill other then tylenol/advil so Id say most of my current issues stem from within the past 9 years. Anyways, Ive been prescribed 3-4 10/325 oxycodones/day for the past couple years. I used to take them how they were prescribed and to be honest, I dont even know how/when I got this bad off. But for the past couple years, I would get my prescription and instead of taking 4/day, I would take 6-8/day. I never took two at a time but instead of taking them every 4-6 hours, I would take one every two hours, give or take 30 mins. Meaning I would usually run out almost two weeks early. So for the next two weeks I would trade my adderall for someone I knows hydrocodone. The hydrocodone didnt help my like the oxycodone did, but I felt like it helped enough that I wouldnt go into full withdrawals if that makes sense. Also note, I couldnt get an unlimited supply of hydrocodone or anything, I normally got enough of the 10mg hydros to take only 2-3/day, so I definitely had to somewhat control myself during that time. I never bought anything off the street or tried anything else. However, every month I told myself, Im going to take my meds the way Im supposed to take them, I HATED always worrying about pills...if I had them, would I be able to get them, how many could I get, etc. Which brings me back to how it literally CONSUMED me. Always in the back of my mind though was the actual, REAL pain I have in my lower back. Without pain meds, how would that be controlled?? Mind you Ive tried 3-4 different type of injections, physical therapy, non narcotics, etc. because at the end of the day I just dont want to be in this kinda pain but again, at the same time these pain pills have completely changed me as a person. Wheres the balance?! For the past couple months, I have been thinking REALLY hard about how I want to end this cycle but Ive never been strong enough to do it, until yesterday. I went to my pain management doctor and did the usual spiel and finally broke down and told him I want to get off the pills. He agreed with me, I could tell for the past few months he wanted me off the narcotics (which only added to my stress and anxiety..when would the time come that he would just stop prescribing them?? These are things that constantly ran through my head) but I was kind of passed to him from my other doctor who moved away and I guess since I had always complied and also tried several other things to try and help the pain, he never took them away. So he prescribed me like 5 other meds to help with the withdrawals and also called a personal doctor friend who works on the addiction side, as he said, who would be able to help with my dependency (addiction? I loathe that word). So the last pain pill I took was half of a 10mg hydrocodone at 8:30pm Monday night. (I took 3 10mg altogether that day) I went and got the meds he prescribed filled, although my pharmacy was out of two of them and they had to order them, hopefully they will come in today. Anyways, after that I went to work like normal and was actually not to bad off, minus my crying like a baby on and off while I texted my mom and dad about whats going on. I know my mom had some idea of how bad I was but my dad, who lives 3 hours away, had no clue. None of my friends know about this nor does any of the rest of my family including my siblings and step parents. Its mortifying and I dont want anyone else to know about it to be quite honest. So back to my main story, sorry I like to ramble. So my pain management doctors, doctor friend who works the “other side” of this, had his office call me within an hour of me leaving my doctors appt. She said the doctor could get me in Thursday morning (tomorrow) and asked the basic questions about insurance and stuff. I do have insurance but of course its one of the only ones that doctor doesnt accept, so my first appt will be $400 bc she said its a longer appt and I asked what all it entails. She said basically he will talk to me and find out what my issues are and most likely prescribe me suboxone, just ONE, that I will have to take and get filled at the pharmacy, bring back to the doctors office and take half in front of him? Then wait around so he can see and make sure I dont have any negative side effects and then Ill be able to leave. She didnt say anything more so I am guessing if the suboxone agrees with me, I will be given a script for it for a month and then have to follow back up with him in a month. Does this sound likely what is to happen? Aside from everything that happened with the doctors yesterday, here I am I guess about 36 hours after my last dose and I dont feel like Im dying or anything but I dont feel good either. I called into work this morning and Im also thinking about calling into my second job this afternoon, although I really need to be working. I feel tired more then anything, that and my back hurts. Im probably killing my liver with acetaminophen. Last night I was able to work almost my whole shift, I left two hours early because I just couldnt make myself work any longer. Im also having terrible anxiety. Ive had bad anxiety for years and used to be prescribed xanax, however, last year the doctors said there have been new studies done and they werent going to be prescribing pain meds and xanax anymore so I went off the xanax, which I never had an issue with that anyways. I only took it as needed, so not even everyday, it honestly wasnt hard to give up but holy fuck, I wish I had one right now. Im also just so so tired. I even took my adderall and Im still tired as shit. I have no motivation whatsoever, which I didnt have much while on the pills, not now it’s literally non existent. I know Ive read other peoples stories on different subs who sound like they’ve had it way worse than me and Im sure I sound like a big ass baby, Im just so pissed at myself for doing this to myself to begin with and now Im having a pity party. So I guess my questions are, how much worse will this get before it starts to get better? How long until I feel normal again? What should I expect from taking suboxone? Is there anything I can do now (like right now, today) to feel better, cut down on the anxiety, whatever? Ive read on here about something called Kratom, should I try that? I first read about it on another sub a couple months ago and have been thinking about trying it since then but Im honestly kind of scared since I dont know how itll effect me. I also do not smoke or drink, tried weed in the past, years ago, not my thing. Im looking forward to getting my LIFE back. The pills have completely changed me as a person. I used to be very social, had lots of friends, always on the go. Now, I dont do anything but work and lay on my couch. Im lazy as fuck, depressed as fuck and honestly probably wouldnt even leave the house if it wasnt for work and my dog. I rarely see my friends and when I do its because I have to force myself. Im just tried of living like this. Any help or advice is very much appreciated!!!! Sorry if my post is all over the place.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eihn4m,Short update about anger on vyvanse,0,rant,1,"So after a grueling torturing month of forcing myself to take 30mg of Vyvanse and feeling anxious and depressed for a whole month on it i got to meet up with my doctor who told me this was all symptoms of a too low of a dose she has prescribed me 40mg instead but i have yet to pick it up yet. I will soon. Anyways the day after i had this meeting the anger issues disappeared and i actually feel calm, relaxed and focused without any anger or anxiousness. And this is without upgrading to 40mg yet. I don’t know where i was going with this post but feel free to let me know something about this.",69alphachad69,1,0,1,2020-01-01 11:57:54,ADHD,"So after a grueling torturing month of forcing myself to take 30mg of Vyvanse and feeling anxious and depressed for a whole month on it i got to meet up with my doctor who told me this was all symptoms of a too low of a dose she has prescribed me 40mg instead but i have yet to pick it up yet. I will soon. Anyways the day after i had this meeting the anger issues disappeared and i actually feel calm, relaxed and focused without any anger or anxiousness. And this is without upgrading to 40mg yet. I don’t know where i was going with this post but feel free to let me know something about this.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel calm and relaxed,,True,220 eq6ryl,Help me save this relationship,1a,help-seeking,2,"I have a wonderful woman who has endured way too much. I’m in a make or break situation I have gotten a lot better about recognizing triggers but sometimes small things get me. I’ve went to seek counseling but due to my job was told this wasn’t a viable option if I wanted to keep it. I currently will be seeing a counselor who doesn’t take notes and meets in public places on Monday and talk to chaplains but I know I really need more support. My issue tends to be me making small things that don’t go exactly as I planned or wanted into huge issues. It ruins entire days and I’ll freak out sometimes hitting myself. I become manipulative to emotionally get what I want and seem right. I do not want this to continue, does anyone have ways to just think of things or methods to cope with this. when I was young I was a lot to handle my parents gave me to a teacher who abused me and it caused my issues to be much worse in high school. Eventually my parents put me into foster care because I was too much to be around for them and siblings. I first opened up about this a few weeks ago because this seemed to be the root of my control issues. I want to be a better man for this woman because she is truly the best thing to ever happen to me but if I can’t be better for her she can’t stay because it hurts her. Any tips and thoughts are greatly appreciated.",gilly52491,1,0,2,2020-01-17 21:26:10,Anger,"Help me save this relationship I have a wonderful woman who has endured way too much. I’m in a make or break situation I have gotten a lot better about recognizing triggers but sometimes small things get me. I’ve went to seek counseling but due to my job was told this wasn’t a viable option if I wanted to keep it. I currently will be seeing a counselor who doesn’t take notes and meets in public places on Monday and talk to chaplains but I know I really need more support. My issue tends to be me making small things that don’t go exactly as I planned or wanted into huge issues. It ruins entire days and I’ll freak out sometimes hitting myself. I become manipulative to emotionally get what I want and seem right. I do not want this to continue, does anyone have ways to just think of things or methods to cope with this. when I was young I was a lot to handle my parents gave me to a teacher who abused me and it caused my issues to be much worse in high school. Eventually my parents put me into foster care because I was too much to be around for them and siblings. I first opened up about this a few weeks ago because this seemed to be the root of my control issues. I want to be a better man for this woman because she is truly the best thing to ever happen to me but if I can’t be better for her she can’t stay because it hurts her. Any tips and thoughts are greatly appreciated.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 ei9yy2,Alone,0,rant,1,"I love being invited out for New Year’s Eve drinks, then it getting cancelled, then seeing the persons snapchat story who invited me to see that they’re still out with a ton of other people :))))",itsuckstobehere,1,0,0,2019-12-31 22:37:05,depression,"I love being invited out for New Year’s Eve drinks, then it getting cancelled, then seeing the persons snapchat story who invited me to see that they’re still out with a ton of other people :))))",2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,being left out,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel lonely on new year,title,True,200 eit6ze,Anyone else have trouble sustaining emotions?,0,survey,1,"So I’m in the process of getting diagnosed at the moment and after going through some pretty traumatic stuff recently I’ve noticed that I literally can not even focus on feeling strong emotions for a long period of time? An example is I went with my sister to have her cat put down today and it was really sad and I was crying but almost immediately after leaving the room I was fine and there wasn’t really any lingering ‘sadness’. Does anybody else get this? It really makes me feel like a psychopath sometimes when I don’t show emotions properly ugh.",Scented_Ankle,1,0,1,2020-01-02 04:20:06,ADHD,So I’m in the process of getting diagnosed at the moment and after going through some pretty traumatic stuff recently I’ve noticed that I literally can not even focus on feeling strong emotions for a long period of time? An example is I went with my sister to have her cat put down today and it was really sad and I was crying but almost immediately after leaving the room I was fine and there wasn’t really any lingering ‘sadness’. Does anybody else get this? It really makes me feel like a psychopath sometimes when I don’t show emotions properly ugh.,2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you focus on feeling your emotions,,True,221 ei9s4u,Am I a failure for staying home at new year's eve?? Please read ❤ happy new year btw 🙂,1b,help-seeking,1,"Happy new year everyone and I hope you have a wonderful time in 2020...❤ My problem is that every year I'd celebrate with my family or friends and get all dressed up, make up etc. About 10 months ago I was diagnosed with depression and I lost all of my friends and I also moved away from my family because they were toxic to me. I am so depressed more and more each day... It's midnight and I hear everyone screaming, celebrating outside and I am here alone at home with my 2 dogs looking at fireworks out of the window... Am I failure? Am I bad person for not getting dressed up? Should I be embarrassed? 💔😓",Leona_K,1,0,23,2019-12-31 22:22:03,depression,"Happy new year everyone and I hope you have a wonderful time in 2020...❤ My problem is that every year I'd celebrate with my family or friends and get all dressed up, make up etc. About 10 months ago I was diagnosed with depression and I lost all of my friends and I also moved away from my family because they were toxic to me. I am so depressed more and more each day... It's midnight and I hear everyone screaming, celebrating outside and I am here alone at home with my 2 dogs looking at fireworks out of the window... Am I failure? Am I bad person for not getting dressed up? Should I be embarrassed? 💔😓",2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,depression,What do you need help with now that X?,have depression and feel alone,,True,200 eiqngp,Advice for studying,1a,help-seeking,1,"I’m working toward a certification that will help me move forward at work. I need to study for it, but it’s really hard to stay focused. I try to take breaks, but I’ll get distracted and never come back to the studying. What works for you?",redtail84,1,0,1,2020-01-02 00:50:36,ADHD,"I’m working toward a certification that will help me move forward at work. I need to study for it, but it’s really hard to stay focused. I try to take breaks, but I’ll get distracted and never come back to the studying. What works for you?",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,getting distracted while studying,,,,True,202 el2y12,6 years ago,1b,rant,1,6 years ago today I was involuntarily hospitalized for trying to kill myself and my unborn child to escape an extremely abusive man. My sister stupidly informed me that he is now with another girl who looks very similar to me. She's pregnant and due any day. And I'm in pain. I haven't self medicated or self harmed in a long while but today? Today is rough. I feel resentment towards everything. I don't want to live in this cycle of misery any longer. I want to heal and be better. And I want to leave this town and be far away from that guy. I want to stop blaming myself and thinking it was all in my head. I want to stop dreaming about the girl he's with being abused like I was. I can't afford therapy so I'm just SOL except for the help I can give myself. I just needed to get this out somewhere because I'm too paranoid to trust real people lately.,Bcakesss24,1,0,0,2020-01-07 00:10:58,ptsd,6 years ago today I was involuntarily hospitalized for trying to kill myself and my unborn child to escape an extremely abusive man. My sister stupidly informed me that he is now with another girl who looks very similar to me. She's pregnant and due any day. And I'm in pain. I haven't self medicated or self harmed in a long while but today? Today is rough. I feel resentment towards everything. I don't want to live in this cycle of misery any longer. I want to heal and be better. And I want to leave this town and be far away from that guy. I want to stop blaming myself and thinking it was all in my head. I want to stop dreaming about the girl he's with being abused like I was. I can't afford therapy so I'm just SOL except for the help I can give myself. I just needed to get this out somewhere because I'm too paranoid to trust real people lately.,2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 epuchc,ugh.,0,rant,1,"it’s funny. when i was diagnosed with depression my mom said she’d always be here for me. she insisted on paying for medical bills, medications, and counseling (keep in mind i’m 17F.) now for some reason she doesn’t believe in patient confidentiality because she has be part of everything. just because “i’m a minor and living under her roof” i need my own space and she doesn’t respect that. so no more counseling, no more medication, nothing. it’s funny because my mom would rather see me dead in a coffin than in remission.",lorinevermind,1,0,2,2020-01-17 03:00:16,mentalillness,"it’s funny. when i was diagnosed with depression my mom said she’d always be here for me. she insisted on paying for medical bills, medications, and counseling (keep in mind i’m 17F.) now for some reason she doesn’t believe in patient confidentiality because she has be part of everything. just because “i’m a minor and living under her roof” i need my own space and she doesn’t respect that. so no more counseling, no more medication, nothing. it’s funny because my mom would rather see me dead in a coffin than in remission.",2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,your mom invading your privacy,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel your mother doesn't respect your privacy,,True,200 elkwvy,Distraction is a habit. Are you ready to replace it with focus?,0,chitchat,3,"In 1943, Abraham Maslow introduced the world to his now-famous Hierarchy of Needs. Through intense and deliberate study of human development, Maslow determined every human being, regardless of their pursuits, must satisfy each of these needs to fulfill their grandest ambitions. The final stage in Maslow’s hierarchy is self-actualization and came from Maslow’s observation that “What a man *can* be, he *must* be.” Of course, it would be nice if we could ignore the other four needs and work solely on self-actualization, but the human condition is far too complex to cut corners or look for shortcuts. As motivational speaker and author Les Brown so simply puts it—“Do what is easy and your life will be hard. Do what is hard and your life will become easy.” This begs the question: What is the hardest thing you can do in life? Answer: Sacrifice your creature comforts. Said another way, sacrifice your distractions. **No human being past or present has ever become who they must become without taking a pass on the distractions available to them in favor of the work they knew would fulfill them.** Distractions come in many forms. And, using Maslow’s hierarchy as a guide, are often a result of overconsumption. ## Need #1: Physiological Food is an obvious physiological need, but when it becomes abundant, distractions like fried foods, Twinkies, and fried Twinkies rule the delicious day and destroy your health. ## Need #2: Safety How do we overconsume safety? After we have a roof over our heads and deadbolts on our doors, we have more free time for insecurity. We race around our social media accounts playing the comparison game, ultimately determine everyone’s life is better than ours, and wonder where all of our anxiety has come from. ## Need #3: Love and Belonging Support and affirmation from a loved one are something to treasure. However, expecting this to be the only acceptable emotion expressed toward us is where we begin to falter. Humans are emotional beings and allowing room for those emotions to exist removes a world of distraction from how we perceive those around us. ## Need #4: Esteem Esteem is the umbrella term for having high levels of self-confidence, self-respect, and respect from others. What does the overconsumption of esteem look like? Egotism, arrogance, and seeking approval no matter the cost. ## Need #5: Self-actualization Self-actualization, in Maslow’s work, means “to become everything that one is capable of becoming.” The idea of overconsuming at this stage doesn’t compute. There is no limit to who you can become. It is an idea that has motivated all of us to wake up the next day and try yet again no matter our lot in life. The irony here is striking. **To set aside your creature comforts, you must abandon your overconsumption habit. Yet, once you reach a state of self-actualization, that habit will be your greatest tool for success.** Think of your current overconsumption habit as an abandoned house in need of demolition. In its place, you are going to build a new foundation with four strong and sturdy walls—each representing physiological, safety, love, and esteem. To keep these walls free from termites, mold, or any other compromising waste, you must build intentionally without distractions getting in your way. Once the walls are built and the roof is secured, your house can be filled with overconsumption in the form of play, experimentation, creativity, and more. **This life can be yours. Are you ready to start building?**",expertlypaul,1,0,22,2020-01-08 00:52:42,selfhelp,"In 1943, Abraham Maslow introduced the world to his now-famous Hierarchy of Needs. Through intense and deliberate study of human development, Maslow determined every human being, regardless of their pursuits, must satisfy each of these needs to fulfill their grandest ambitions. The final stage in Maslow’s hierarchy is self-actualization and came from Maslow’s observation that “What a man *can* be, he *must* be.” Of course, it would be nice if we could ignore the other four needs and work solely on self-actualization, but the human condition is far too complex to cut corners or look for shortcuts. As motivational speaker and author Les Brown so simply puts it—“Do what is easy and your life will be hard. Do what is hard and your life will become easy.” This begs the question: What is the hardest thing you can do in life? Answer: Sacrifice your creature comforts. Said another way, sacrifice your distractions. **No human being past or present has ever become who they must become without taking a pass on the distractions available to them in favor of the work they knew would fulfill them.** Distractions come in many forms. And, using Maslow’s hierarchy as a guide, are often a result of overconsumption. ## Need #1: Physiological Food is an obvious physiological need, but when it becomes abundant, distractions like fried foods, Twinkies, and fried Twinkies rule the delicious day and destroy your health. ## Need #2: Safety How do we overconsume safety? After we have a roof over our heads and deadbolts on our doors, we have more free time for insecurity. We race around our social media accounts playing the comparison game, ultimately determine everyone’s life is better than ours, and wonder where all of our anxiety has come from. ## Need #3: Love and Belonging Support and affirmation from a loved one are something to treasure. However, expecting this to be the only acceptable emotion expressed toward us is where we begin to falter. Humans are emotional beings and allowing room for those emotions to exist removes a world of distraction from how we perceive those around us. ## Need #4: Esteem Esteem is the umbrella term for having high levels of self-confidence, self-respect, and respect from others. What does the overconsumption of esteem look like? Egotism, arrogance, and seeking approval no matter the cost. ## Need #5: Self-actualization Self-actualization, in Maslow’s work, means “to become everything that one is capable of becoming.” The idea of overconsuming at this stage doesn’t compute. There is no limit to who you can become. It is an idea that has motivated all of us to wake up the next day and try yet again no matter our lot in life. The irony here is striking. **To set aside your creature comforts, you must abandon your overconsumption habit. Yet, once you reach a state of self-actualization, that habit will be your greatest tool for success.** Think of your current overconsumption habit as an abandoned house in need of demolition. In its place, you are going to build a new foundation with four strong and sturdy walls—each representing physiological, safety, love, and esteem. To keep these walls free from termites, mold, or any other compromising waste, you must build intentionally without distractions getting in your way. Once the walls are built and the roof is secured, your house can be filled with overconsumption in the form of play, experimentation, creativity, and more. **This life can be yours. Are you ready to start building?**",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 epr5xh,Depression and messy room ( suicide TW),1b,rant,2,"My mom came into my room as I was sleeping and got upset because my room is messy ( as usual apparently) . I haven't have had a chance to clean it up because after a anger outburst I was told I needed to move out so I had to sleep in my car for a month. So everything from the car I just dumped on the floor. My mom was blaming the fact I hanged out with my friends the night before instead of cleaning up my room and said I take nothing seriously. I told her I was meant to do it after I woke up. And that I was tired and she was saying how lazy I was and what I was doing all day . Well I explained to her I ate. Then cleaned the kitchen . Then I did a commission for a friend then after that I was going to take a nap and clean. And she said well that just proves my priorities are in order . And that I should have bought the cat litter. But I'm trying to pay for 4 of my medication plus trying to keep my doctors appointments while not having a job until next week. And that it's stressful and I say that all while yelling and saying that I'm trying and I have a mental illness what else does she want me to do. And she said I am not trying hard enough the brought up the lady at the pharmacy delivers my medication has depression and can hold down a job. And saying how intelligent I was in school and that I'm not mentally ill as I lead her to believe. I really wanted to say well I think I am and slam the door. Because I didn't want to hear it and just full of anger. Because yeah I might be hanging out with my friends but I'm constantly stressing over all the things I need to do. I need a therapist and a psychotherapy, I need to exercise everyday and try to read and keep up on my drawing. As well as help my mom around the house and keep on top of my chores and it's all so much. Maybe I'm acting childish . But some part of me would rather just not have to deal with being alive anymore . I don't know how people function in this shitty world .",sociallyawakward4996,1,0,0,2020-01-16 22:54:04,Anger,"My mom came into my room as I was sleeping and got upset because my room is messy ( as usual apparently) . I haven't have had a chance to clean it up because after a anger outburst I was told I needed to move out so I had to sleep in my car for a month. So everything from the car I just dumped on the floor. My mom was blaming the fact I hanged out with my friends the night before instead of cleaning up my room and said I take nothing seriously. I told her I was meant to do it after I woke up. And that I was tired and she was saying how lazy I was and what I was doing all day . Well I explained to her I ate. Then cleaned the kitchen . Then I did a commission for a friend then after that I was going to take a nap and clean. And she said well that just proves my priorities are in order . And that I should have bought the cat litter. But I'm trying to pay for 4 of my medication plus trying to keep my doctors appointments while not having a job until next week. And that it's stressful and I say that all while yelling and saying that I'm trying and I have a mental illness what else does she want me to do. And she said I am not trying hard enough the brought up the lady at the pharmacy delivers my medication has depression and can hold down a job. And saying how intelligent I was in school and that I'm not mentally ill as I lead her to believe. I really wanted to say well I think I am and slam the door. Because I didn't want to hear it and just full of anger. Because yeah I might be hanging out with my friends but I'm constantly stressing over all the things I need to do. I need a therapist and a psychotherapy, I need to exercise everyday and try to read and keep up on my drawing. As well as help my mom around the house and keep on top of my chores and it's all so much. Maybe I'm acting childish . But some part of me would rather just not have to deal with being alive anymore . I don't know how people function in this shitty world .",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ejmxph,Flight accommodations?,0,survey,1,"I’m curious if anyone else with ptsd has ever requested flight accommodations, how you request, and what options are available? I don’t have a service dog. I’ve traveled in the past and I do okay, but somethings might be helpful for me. Possibly pre-boarding could be a help, as crowds aren’t my favorite. Anywho just a random thing I’m wondering about. If you have any experience I’d be interested to hear it. Flying with WestJet. I looked a little on their website, but I found it difficult to understand.",toddtoddtoddtoddd,1,0,0,2020-01-03 22:30:02,ptsd,"I’m curious if anyone else with ptsd has ever requested flight accommodations, how you request, and what options are available? I don’t have a service dog. I’ve traveled in the past and I do okay, but somethings might be helpful for me. Possibly pre-boarding could be a help, as crowds aren’t my favorite. Anywho just a random thing I’m wondering about. If you have any experience I’d be interested to hear it. Flying with WestJet. I looked a little on their website, but I found it difficult to understand.",0,0,2,What happened that you want X ?,to get help in pre boarding,Why are you wanting X ?,flight accomodations,,,,True,002 ek663u,"Thought I finally made a new friend. Nope.. failed again, haha.",1a,help-seeking,1,"I feel so embarrassed. It's so difficult to make friends as an adult, but even harder when you're a mom. And hardest when you're socially awkward! I told my therapist I would try harder to make local friends (all my good friends are long distance but I sometimes just crave friendship in the ""real world"" haha) and I always worry that I'm trying too hard. It usually starts off with me clicking with someone, and one of us goes ""oh hey, here's my number/social media, we should keep in touch!"" and then I get completely ghosted. I've even had someone block me! And I'm sitting here wondering like ""I only messaged them one time, I wasn't being pushy or annoying them. I don't think I said anything offensive..What did I do?"" Are most people just anti-social? Is it just people in my town that are not friendly? Is it my generation? Hm.. sorry, just needed to vent! I guess I'm proud of myself for trying?",Shiloh634,6,0,4,2020-01-05 01:49:47,socialanxiety,"I feel so embarrassed. It's so difficult to make friends as an adult, but even harder when you're a mom. And hardest when you're socially awkward! I told my therapist I would try harder to make local friends (all my good friends are long distance but I sometimes just crave friendship in the ""real world"" haha) and I always worry that I'm trying too hard. It usually starts off with me clicking with someone, and one of us goes ""oh hey, here's my number/social media, we should keep in touch!"" and then I get completely ghosted. I've even had someone block me! And I'm sitting here wondering like ""I only messaged them one time, I wasn't being pushy or annoying them. I don't think I said anything offensive..What did I do?"" Are most people just anti-social? Is it just people in my town that are not friendly? Is it my generation? Hm.. sorry, just needed to vent! I guess I'm proud of myself for trying?",2,1,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel being ghosted,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help with your situation,,True,211 ejkhm6,24 year old girl looking for a recovery bro,0,help-seeking,1,"Hi so I’m trying to recover from my addiction to opioid painkillers and I could really use a friend struggling with the same thing. I don’t know many addicts in my life and it would be really helpful to have someone to text when I’m tempted to get high. This is a battle I’ve tried winning on my own and I can’t do it in the midst of my loneliness. If anyone is interested pleaseeee DM me :)",gabrielle100,7,0,15,2020-01-03 19:39:19,addiction,Hi so I’m trying to recover from my addiction to opioid painkillers and I could really use a friend struggling with the same thing. I don’t know many addicts in my life and it would be really helpful to have someone to text when I’m tempted to get high. This is a battle I’ve tried winning on my own and I can’t do it in the midst of my loneliness. If anyone is interested pleaseeee DM me :),2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,taking opiod painkillers,,,,True,202 ekay87,A knock on the door,0,rant,1,"Trigger warning: mention of sexual assault. I have always had a fear/hatred of sudden loud noises. After my rapes all sounds became amplified due to hypervigilance, well it's 4:34 am where I live and I was mostly asleep (finally) and I hear a knock at the door, and my dog starts barking. It sent me into a mild panic attack, and now I'm laying in bed refusing to even stand up or make any noise. I hate being so afraid for my life all the time.",minimantate,4,0,13,2020-01-05 09:36:37,ptsd,"Trigger warning: mention of sexual assault. I have always had a fear/hatred of sudden loud noises. After my rapes all sounds became amplified due to hypervigilance, well it's 4:34 am where I live and I was mostly asleep (finally) and I hear a knock at the door, and my dog starts barking. It sent me into a mild panic attack, and now I'm laying in bed refusing to even stand up or make any noise. I hate being so afraid for my life all the time.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are always hypersensitive now,,True,220 f70ty3,I bite myself when I'm mad at videogames,1a,help-seeking,1,"I genuinely need help with this, it's making me sad that I can get so mad at something so trivial.",Yorpu,1,0,5,2020-02-20 22:15:51,Anger,I bite myself when I'm mad at videogamesI genuinely need help with this. it's making me sad that I can get so mad at something so trivial.,2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 ej51p7,WW2 Sad Quotes,0,chitchat,3,,Gordon_Shumway_ALF,1,0,0,2020-01-02 21:58:43,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eq097h,"Twenty-Four Hours a Day, 1.17",0,chitchat,2,"Thought It doesn't do much good to come to meetings only once in a while and sit around, hoping to get something out of the pro gram. That's all right at first, but it won't help us very long. Sooner or later we have to get into action by coming to meetings regularly, by giving a personal witness of our experience with alcohol, and by trying to help other alcoholics. Building a new life takes all the energy that we used to spend on drinking. Am I spending at least as much time and effort on the new life that I'm trying to build in A.A.? Meditation With God's help, I will build a protective screen around myself, which will keep out all evil thoughts. I will fashion it out of my attitude toward God and my attitude toward other people. When one worrying or impatient thought enters my mind, I will put it out at once. I know that love and trust are the solvents for the worry and frets of life. I will use them to form a protective screen around me. Prayer I pray that frets and impatience and worry may not corrode my protective screen against all evil thoughts. I pray that I may banish all these from my life.",Whtsox,1,0,0,2020-01-17 13:18:36,alcoholicsanonymous,"Thought It doesn't do much good to come to meetings only once in a while and sit around, hoping to get something out of the pro gram. That's all right at first, but it won't help us very long. Sooner or later we have to get into action by coming to meetings regularly, by giving a personal witness of our experience with alcohol, and by trying to help other alcoholics. Building a new life takes all the energy that we used to spend on drinking. Am I spending at least as much time and effort on the new life that I'm trying to build in A.A.? Meditation With God's help, I will build a protective screen around myself, which will keep out all evil thoughts. I will fashion it out of my attitude toward God and my attitude toward other people. When one worrying or impatient thought enters my mind, I will put it out at once. I know that love and trust are the solvents for the worry and frets of life. I will use them to form a protective screen around me. Prayer I pray that frets and impatience and worry may not corrode my protective screen against all evil thoughts. I pray that I may banish all these from my life.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eimom6,Best career advice for folks with social anxiety?,0,help-seeking,1,"For those of us realizing the barriers our anxiety poses to our professional success, I thought I’d create a post where people could share what’s been helpful for them — stuff you learned via therapy, via experience, etc. Things to think about: - Does type of job/career matter, and to what extent should you allow social anxiety dictate your professional? (pragmatism vs dream job) - What should you do if “exposure” isn’t working? (I.e. I’ve had jobs that required a lot of public speaking every day, and while I did fine it sapped my reserves until I had no energy left.) - What does professional networking look like for people with social anxiety? - What advice would you offer creators/inventors afraid to put their art/technology/products out there because their whole thing is a fear of putting themselves out there?",sleuthwood,1,0,0,2020-01-01 19:44:17,socialanxiety,"For those of us realizing the barriers our anxiety poses to our professional success, I thought I’d create a post where people could share what’s been helpful for them — stuff you learned via therapy, via experience, etc. Things to think about: - Does type of job/career matter, and to what extent should you allow social anxiety dictate your professional? (pragmatism vs dream job) - What should you do if “exposure” isn’t working? (I.e. I’ve had jobs that required a lot of public speaking every day, and while I did fine it sapped my reserves until I had no energy left.) - What does professional networking look like for people with social anxiety? - What advice would you offer creators/inventors afraid to put their art/technology/products out there because their whole thing is a fear of putting themselves out there?",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 ejk264,Thanks Reddit,1a,rant,1,"I'm ruining my social life with obscure internet references. Thanks Reddit",post_hu_mouse,0,0,4,2020-01-03 19:10:03,socialanxiety,I'm ruining my social life with obscure internet references. Thanks Reddit,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 einwbw,Does anyone here have a history of crime?,1a,survey,1,"I know this is something rarely brought up, probably due to stigma but I'm genuinely curious how it works for others on here since stats do show us being overrepresented. Poverty has probably been a bigger factor for my history in this shit than my BPD but I feel it still plays a big role for me personally. I still do trivial stuff like shoplifting regularly but its the more *heavier* crimes that I'm still always tempted by since I'm still poor as fuck. Curious what experiences others here have with this?",smoltiddydemon,1,0,0,2020-01-01 21:14:16,BPD,"Does anyone here have a history of crime? I know this is something rarely brought up, probably due to stigma but I'm genuinely curious how it works for others on here since stats do show us being overrepresented. Poverty has probably been a bigger factor for my history in this shit than my BPD but I feel it still plays a big role for me personally. I still do trivial stuff like shoplifting regularly but its the more *heavier* crimes that I'm still always tempted by since I'm still poor as fuck. Curious what experiences others here have with this?",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,shoplifting regularly,,,,True,202 epvsni,What happened to me? I had several intense mood changes across 2.5 hours and am now feeling very sad,1a,help-seeking,2,"TL;DR Had an episode lasting about 2.5 hours of which I flipped between varying emotions. Particularly anxiety, anger, fear and sadness I am a sixteen year old male. I was in class doing math when all of a sudden I felt extremely anxious and I couldn’t stop moving. I was tapping, shaking my leg and doing a bunch of other weird and random movements because I couldn’t sit still. Along with this, I couldn’t concentrate either. I have ADHD but this was like an extremely severe moment where I couldn’t focus on anything. Eventually I felt like I had to leave for a while and take a moment. I went to my car where I continued being restless. When I was in my car I started feeling like something was wrong with me. I was talking to myself and was feeling like I was dissociating. Life felt like a movie and none of my actions felt like they were in my control. I didn’t want to go back to class and I was moving around, hitting myself. I took a moment to try and breathe but eventually I tried to put on my seatbelt. As I put my seatbelt on, I grabbed it too forcibly which caused it to get locked. I screamed in anger and started slamming my fist on my arm rest, trying to force the seatbelt to come down but it wouldn’t. It just got more stuck. Almost immediately after my struggle, I started feeling an intense fear. It was almost as I was being grabbed and I started wriggling around screaming, trying to get something off of me. Shortly after my intense fear, I went back to being restless with another moment of intense fear after about ten minutes. I was screaming and panicking. I felt like I had been captured or caught or something. I don’t know but I was begging for it (whatever it is) to be over. I was talking to myself more and more I began to go back to class, once again restless but on my walk I had begun to feel very sad. I felt like tears were about to form but they never did. For some reason I’m unable to cry and I haven’t done so in forever. I am now here trying to figure out what to do as I am now in a depressed state but at least calm. This all started happening over two and a half hours. I went home and ended up just going to bed and not feeling like doing anything. I haven’t eaten in a while and I’m still feeling sad.",Ideal_Imprisonment,1,0,3,2020-01-17 05:05:19,mentalillness,"TL;DR Had an episode lasting about 2.5 hours of which I flipped between varying emotions. Particularly anxiety, anger, fear and sadness I am a sixteen year old male. I was in class doing math when all of a sudden I felt extremely anxious and I couldn’t stop moving. I was tapping, shaking my leg and doing a bunch of other weird and random movements because I couldn’t sit still. Along with this, I couldn’t concentrate either. I have ADHD but this was like an extremely severe moment where I couldn’t focus on anything. Eventually I felt like I had to leave for a while and take a moment. I went to my car where I continued being restless. When I was in my car I started feeling like something was wrong with me. I was talking to myself and was feeling like I was dissociating. Life felt like a movie and none of my actions felt like they were in my control. I didn’t want to go back to class and I was moving around, hitting myself. I took a moment to try and breathe but eventually I tried to put on my seatbelt. As I put my seatbelt on, I grabbed it too forcibly which caused it to get locked. I screamed in anger and started slamming my fist on my arm rest, trying to force the seatbelt to come down but it wouldn’t. It just got more stuck. Almost immediately after my struggle, I started feeling an intense fear. It was almost as I was being grabbed and I started wriggling around screaming, trying to get something off of me. Shortly after my intense fear, I went back to being restless with another moment of intense fear after about ten minutes. I was screaming and panicking. I felt like I had been captured or caught or something. I don’t know but I was begging for it (whatever it is) to be over. I was talking to myself more and more I began to go back to class, once again restless but on my walk I had begun to feel very sad. I felt like tears were about to form but they never did. For some reason I’m unable to cry and I haven’t done so in forever. I am now here trying to figure out what to do as I am now in a depressed state but at least calm. This all started happening over two and a half hours. I went home and ended up just going to bed and not feeling like doing anything. I haven’t eaten in a while and I’m still feeling sad.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,sad and depressed about the anxiety episode,,True,220 f2ivfw,I ended up jabbing myself repeatedly with a pen because of my anger. It was about an extremely sensitive topic so I did that only once in my life. I think my mom noticed the marks on my arm. What do I do if she asks me about them? I may just tell her I got upset. I do have a mental issue (legit).,1a,help-seeking,2,"So I do have overactivity in my right frontal lobe. I don’t get angry as much anymore but when I do (which is very very little) it is very extreme and I want to control it. But one time, I did jab and cut my arm with a pen repeatedly. I think my mom noticed. What do I tell her if she asks or anything?",oiitsyaboy,1,0,3,2020-02-12 01:19:43,Anger,"I ended up jabbing myself repeatedly with a pen because of my anger. It was about an extremely sensitive topic so I did that only once in my life. I think my mom noticed the marks on my arm. What do I do if she asks me about them? I may just tell her I got upset. I do have a mental issue (legit). So I do have overactivity in my right frontal lobe. I don’t get angry as much anymore but when I do (which is very very little) it is very extreme and I want to control it. But one time, I did jab and cut my arm with a pen repeatedly. I think my mom noticed. What do I tell her if she asks or anything?",2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,jabbing yourself,,,title,True,202 ek2mru,"Friend took at least 30 xanax bars last night, mixed with alcohol, about 20 15 mg oxazepam (generic for serax), and trazadone.",1b,help-seeking,2,"Last night my friend was very upset, took all of the drugs mentioned in the title (at least those are the ones I know of), drank, and threatened to commit suicide. He even tried or pretended to try to jump off of his balcony but I stopped him/he stopped himself. I monitored his breathing and pulse all night, plus this morning checked on him several times and he was responsive but kept falling back asleep. He finally got up (around 4 pm). I made him drink water and eat a full meal but he still seems very disoriented and his motor skills are very impaired. I'm worried about whether there could be some worse effects of these drug interactions that may develop slowly, like which may cumulatively kick in later even though he seems okay now. What can I do to help him physically flush out his system? He will not go to a medical professional. Also, any advice on how to help him emotionally through this would be appreciated. This was his second suicidal behavior incident in the last two months and he is not very receptive to help even though I don't think he's really hit the point of wanting to actually end it yet. We have been very close friends for years and even sort of dated for a while, but things have been tense since he's been having these problems and since we've both been dating other people. I don't know how to help him in a way he will really hear or be willing to participate in. He doesn't seem to want to help himself and I don't know what my place is here. Please give me your suggestions.",AdoEroticDisociation,8,0,35,2020-01-04 21:16:41,addiction,"Last night my friend was very upset, took all of the drugs mentioned in the title (at least those are the ones I know of), drank, and threatened to commit suicide. He even tried or pretended to try to jump off of his balcony but I stopped him/he stopped himself. I monitored his breathing and pulse all night, plus this morning checked on him several times and he was responsive but kept falling back asleep. He finally got up (around 4 pm). I made him drink water and eat a full meal but he still seems very disoriented and his motor skills are very impaired. I'm worried about whether there could be some worse effects of these drug interactions that may develop slowly, like which may cumulatively kick in later even though he seems okay now. What can I do to help him physically flush out his system? He will not go to a medical professional. Also, any advice on how to help him emotionally through this would be appreciated. This was his second suicidal behavior incident in the last two months and he is not very receptive to help even though I don't think he's really hit the point of wanting to actually end it yet. We have been very close friends for years and even sort of dated for a while, but things have been tense since he's been having these problems and since we've both been dating other people. I don't know how to help him in a way he will really hear or be willing to participate in. He doesn't seem to want to help himself and I don't know what my place is here. Please give me your suggestions.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eislid,I need some advice,0,help-seeking,1,"Hey all. I've recently learned about ADHD, and I'm certain that I've got it. What's the next step to take? I've been going to therapy for some trauma/depression/anxiety related stuff and my therapist recommended me to a psychologist that does testing ($2800!). I feel like I just want to have a chat with a psychiatrist and they could give me medication :(. Any help would be nice as I'm kind of lost.",02BBQ,1,0,1,2020-01-02 03:28:42,ADHD,"Hey all. I've recently learned about ADHD, and I'm certain that I've got it. What's the next step to take? I've been going to therapy for some trauma/depression/anxiety related stuff and my therapist recommended me to a psychologist that does testing ($2800!). I feel like I just want to have a chat with a psychiatrist and they could give me medication :(. Any help would be nice as I'm kind of lost.",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,your symptoms make you feel,,,,True,202 ekqruy,"Anyone can relate to this, mostly who are empty inside",0,survey,1,,WildDJ23,1,0,2,2020-01-06 07:37:06,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eil5la,2019,1a,rant,1,Although I was decently happy at the beginning of the year I was diagnosed with severe depression and I lost the one person I thought would actually love me and stay with me a while and I feel like my life has just been going downhill and I don’t know what to do anymore I feel like the only way out is to leave but I’m too scared to do that but I’m just a burden to everyone and nobody would care if I left and people always say I can’t do it I have a life ahead of me and things will get better but nothing gets better im still living a shitfaced life in this shitfaced world nothing will get better I keep crying myself to sleep every fucking night and I have nothing life has no purpose anymore nothing makes me happy nothing brings joy nothing is worth staying for I have no friends I have nobody to talk to I have no fucking reason to be here,FSC_Erby,1,0,2,2020-01-01 17:49:06,sad,Although I was decently happy at the beginning of the year I was diagnosed with severe depression and I lost the one person I thought would actually love me and stay with me a while and I feel like my life has just been going downhill and I don’t know what to do anymore I feel like the only way out is to leave but I’m too scared to do that but I’m just a burden to everyone and nobody would care if I left and people always say I can’t do it I have a life ahead of me and things will get better but nothing gets better im still living a shitfaced life in this shitfaced world nothing will get better I keep crying myself to sleep every fucking night and I have nothing life has no purpose anymore nothing makes me happy nothing brings joy nothing is worth staying for I have no friends I have nobody to talk to I have no fucking reason to be here,2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you miss the person who loved you,,True,220 ek6ji3,Therapy??,1a,help-seeking,1,I’m kinda confused. So I pretty much know that I have social anxiety. Like sometimes when I think of social events I get anxious and just shut down. But I want to get better so I can enjoy high school. So should I go to therapy? How do I tell my parents? Are there any alternatives to overcoming anxiety?,popconn_,2,0,2,2020-01-05 02:20:07,socialanxiety,I’m kinda confused. So I pretty much know that I have social anxiety. Like sometimes when I think of social events I get anxious and just shut down. But I want to get better so I can enjoy high school. So should I go to therapy? How do I tell my parents? Are there any alternatives to overcoming anxiety?,1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what makes you anxious,How did X make you feel?,your anxiety attacks,,,,True,102 eibuvy,The memes will never be forgotten 2️⃣0️⃣2️⃣0️⃣,0,chitchat,1,,TheWeebWalking,1,0,5,2020-01-01 01:09:42,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 emvqgh,Leaving My House For Two Days Was A Success,0,chitchat,1,"I isolate all the time. The only time I leave my room is to play on my PS4 in the living room which isn't that different from sitting in my room. Anyways, I stayed at a place with my wife for a couple of days. I won't lie, I had a lot of anxiety and took a little extra medication but I'm proud of the fact that I got out for more than a few hours. I haven't left the house for this long for over 5 years now. Just sharing to let people know that it is possible to get out when you're full of anxiety and hate leaving. If I can do it, you can too. Maybe with the help of extra meds but it still counts ;)",nodnizzle,1,0,0,2020-01-10 19:19:45,ptsd,"I isolate all the time. The only time I leave my room is to play on my PS4 in the living room which isn't that different from sitting in my room. Anyways, I stayed at a place with my wife for a couple of days. I won't lie, I had a lot of anxiety and took a little extra medication but I'm proud of the fact that I got out for more than a few hours. I haven't left the house for this long for over 5 years now. Just sharing to let people know that it is possible to get out when you're full of anxiety and hate leaving. If I can do it, you can too. Maybe with the help of extra meds but it still counts ;)",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 eouj6t,What are some things I can do to keep my mind busy and redirect my energy away from cravings?,0,help-seeking,1,"Hey guys, I was hoping you have some ideas on redirecting myself away from cravings and constant thinking. I am progressively cutting back on how much I take and increasing the amount of time between doses. I am making good progress but I tend to have these lingering thoughts and temptations that are hard to break away from. I’ve been thinking of ways to take my mind off that and help me work through those negative feelings. Also any other advice is very welcome, thank you.",_Knightsky,1,0,4,2020-01-15 00:40:30,addiction,"Hey guys, I was hoping you have some ideas on redirecting myself away from cravings and constant thinking. I am progressively cutting back on how much I take and increasing the amount of time between doses. I am making good progress but I tend to have these lingering thoughts and temptations that are hard to break away from. I’ve been thinking of ways to take my mind off that and help me work through those negative feelings. Also any other advice is very welcome, thank you.",1,1,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,drug consumption,Can you elaborate more on X ?,the lingering thoughts,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unable to resist the cravings,,True,110 ekaln7,Lecture du 5 Janvier - Réflexions Quotidiennes,0,chitchat,5,,RisingChadows,1,0,0,2020-01-05 08:54:20,addiction,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 f7z1hr,How to avoid acting on calm anger?,1a,help-seeking,1,"I meditate, and when someone really sets me off I trained myself to calm down, and go into physically defensive mode. It's been decades since I've had fisticuffs, but still I have a strong urge to hurt others who attack me emotionally. (I was the kid sucker punching other students for talking shit. Cut one kid. I definitely have a tendency for aggression.) It's not even that far past the days of when revenge attacks were considered ethical. (I. E. samurai killing each other for insults to their honor.) How to essentially not act impulsively with a verbal attack or physical attack?",zerophase,1,0,5,2020-02-22 21:20:11,Anger,"I meditate, and when someone really sets me off I trained myself to calm down, and go into physically defensive mode. It's been decades since I've had fisticuffs, but still I have a strong urge to hurt others who attack me emotionally. (I was the kid sucker punching other students for talking shit. Cut one kid. I definitely have a tendency for aggression.) It's not even that far past the days of when revenge attacks were considered ethical. (I. E. samurai killing each other for insults to their honor.) How to essentially not act impulsively with a verbal attack or physical attack?",2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,the urge to hurt others,,,,True,202 ejsipe,Can I come to a “closed” meeting if it’s my first time? Very confused about that,0,help-seeking,1,,Mo-lowe,7,0,14,2020-01-04 05:43:28,alcoholicsanonymous,Can I come to a “closed” meeting if it’s my first time? Very confused about that,0,2,2,What made you feel X ?,feel confused,,,,,,True,022 eix3uv,How to be more aware of your surroundings?,0,help-seeking,1,"I noticed the other day that I zone out whenever I’m outside. I have my headphones on and I just focus on either the music, or the way I walk. When something happens around me, like someone calling my name for example, I usually flinch or I notice the person only after a couple of times. How can I be more aware of my surroundings so I’m not so distracted all the time?",fartstinkslikeamf,1,0,2,2020-01-02 11:26:44,socialanxiety,"I noticed the other day that I zone out whenever I’m outside. I have my headphones on and I just focus on either the music, or the way I walk. When something happens around me, like someone calling my name for example, I usually flinch or I notice the person only after a couple of times. How can I be more aware of my surroundings so I’m not so distracted all the time?",2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,being zoned out and distracted,,,,True,202 eim110,Treated bad by colleagues,1a,rant,2,"Hello! *Sorry for this post. I'm venting and writing as I'm thinking it.* I woke up today at 6 AM and hoped for a good day's work, a day where I feel okay. When I came in, no one said hello to me like you did to the others. I didn't look any of you in the eye because I know you won't even say hello if I do, and your eyes tell me you don't want to either. I was hoping we would be taking care of the patients as a team. Then you tell me to go do something that is not my job, because you don't want to do it. How do I know? Because you literally said that I should do it because you don't want to. I didn't expect going to work and take orders, from my supposed teammate. But that's what everyone did, today. Some days its different and it hurts to know I could be listened to in the break room without no one laughing, you looking at your phones like I don't exist.. Your workplace has left me feeling like I did many years ago in school. Left out. Anxious, because the rules of acceptance don't apply. How do you win, when the rules say you're not in the game to begin with. I had a shit day, and I just want to say: fuck you colleagues. You've hurt me. And that was the last day I put my foot in your corridors. I came to the hospital to help lives. Now I've left it to help my own, from you. Thank you for the truthful treatment. Sincerely, J",Bohobalooba,1,0,0,2020-01-01 18:55:28,Anxiety,"Hello! *Sorry for this post. I'm venting and writing as I'm thinking it.* I woke up today at 6 AM and hoped for a good day's work, a day where I feel okay. When I came in, no one said hello to me like you did to the others. I didn't look any of you in the eye because I know you won't even say hello if I do, and your eyes tell me you don't want to either. I was hoping we would be taking care of the patients as a team. Then you tell me to go do something that is not my job, because you don't want to do it. How do I know? Because you literally said that I should do it because you don't want to. I didn't expect going to work and take orders, from my supposed teammate. But that's what everyone did, today. Some days its different and it hurts to know I could be listened to in the break room without no one laughing, you looking at your phones like I don't exist.. Your workplace has left me feeling like I did many years ago in school. Left out. Anxious, because the rules of acceptance don't apply. How do you win, when the rules say you're not in the game to begin with. I had a shit day, and I just want to say: fuck you colleagues. You've hurt me. And that was the last day I put my foot in your corridors. I came to the hospital to help lives. Now I've left it to help my own, from you. Thank you for the truthful treatment. Sincerely, J",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you were treated bad by your colleagues,,True,220 eqjirv,Calming down,1b,help-seeking,1,"I found out my girlfriend got seriously harassed in the street today by a few guys and I’m still shaking, my visions blurs when I think about it and I’ve punched so much shit that my knuckles are bruised and swollen up, it’s been a while and I’m no closer to calming down, this has happened before and every time it’s taken me a few days to a couple weeks to fully calm down it just makes me fucking angry constantly and I hate it even the mention of those things that took so long to calm down from still piss me off so much and I don’t want that to keep happening so I’m posting this in the moment. I want to know if this is normal or not and if there are any tips from recovering from this quicker",TeaAndCrumpets4life,1,0,7,2020-01-18 17:42:19,Anger,"I found out my girlfriend got seriously harassed in the street today by a few guys and I’m still shaking, my visions blurs when I think about it and I’ve punched so much shit that my knuckles are bruised and swollen up, it’s been a while and I’m no closer to calming down, this has happened before and every time it’s taken me a few days to a couple weeks to fully calm down it just makes me fucking angry constantly and I hate it even the mention of those things that took so long to calm down from still piss me off so much and I don’t want that to keep happening so I’m posting this in the moment. I want to know if this is normal or not and if there are any tips from recovering from this quicker",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 els5pq,When does it get better? Been off Adderall for 2 months,0,help-seeking,2,"Hi redditors, I need some opinions and encouragement bc I have been feeling pretty hopeless and depressive recently. I had been using Adderall for almost 1.5 years. I was 19 when I started and I’m 21 now. I was also a heavy weed user for a year during that. My dose was initially low but towards the end I started taking high amounts. This is how my usage looks. I took 15mg for 3 months then I took a one month break. After the break I started taking 20-30mg a day for 3.5 months. After that I stopped taking it for 3 months. For the next 2.5 months, I started taking 20mg a day and moved up to 60mg(took for 1-2 weeks). I started feeling restless, hopeless, depressed and getting panic attacks. I haven’t been taking any for 2 months but I still feel brain fog, depression, and anxiety, which I never felt before. Therefore, I feel like this time it is not a break and I’m quitting it for good. After I stopped taking it I started feeling extremely hopeless and depressed for no reason. I was also having panic attacks. I should also mentioned that my apetite was pretty low even 2-3 week after quitting and I have no history of mental illness. I’m wondering how severe does my usage look? In addition, my doctor recently discovered that I’m a bit low on iron(under the normal limit). Does this sound like a withdrawal or if I will heal completely from withdrawal after a certain time?",frozen_browsing,1,0,3,2020-01-08 12:37:35,addiction,"Hi redditors, I need some opinions and encouragement bc I have been feeling pretty hopeless and depressive recently. I had been using Adderall for almost 1.5 years. I was 19 when I started and I’m 21 now. I was also a heavy weed user for a year during that. My dose was initially low but towards the end I started taking high amounts. This is how my usage looks. I took 15mg for 3 months then I took a one month break. After the break I started taking 20-30mg a day for 3.5 months. After that I stopped taking it for 3 months. For the next 2.5 months, I started taking 20mg a day and moved up to 60mg(took for 1-2 weeks). I started feeling restless, hopeless, depressed and getting panic attacks. I haven’t been taking any for 2 months but I still feel brain fog, depression, and anxiety, which I never felt before. Therefore, I feel like this time it is not a break and I’m quitting it for good. After I stopped taking it I started feeling extremely hopeless and depressed for no reason. I was also having panic attacks. I should also mentioned that my apetite was pretty low even 2-3 week after quitting and I have no history of mental illness. I’m wondering how severe does my usage look? In addition, my doctor recently discovered that I’m a bit low on iron(under the normal limit). Does this sound like a withdrawal or if I will heal completely from withdrawal after a certain time?",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,repeat of 157,True,000 f9jlm4,"Pre-diabetes, but food is literally the only thing that makes me happy. Helpless.",1a,rant,1,"I have no friends, I have no hobbies or interests. I spend all day lying in bed trying not to fall asleep because I don't have the energy to do anything else. Food was literally all I had to look forward to each day. Those meals were the only time I didn't feel like garbage or that I was faking it. I don't think I can do it.",Accipiter_,1,0,8,2020-02-25 23:36:53,getting_over_it,"Pre-diabetes, but food is literally the only thing that makes me happy. Helpless. I have no friends, I have no hobbies or interests. I spend all day lying in bed trying not to fall asleep because I don't have the energy to do anything else. Food was literally all I had to look forward to each day. Those meals were the only time I didn't feel like garbage or that I was faking it. I don't think I can do it.",2,1,0,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,eating makes you feel,What do you need help with now that X?,nothing is making you happy except food,,True,210 en19sz,I need help,1a,help-seeking,1,"I’m in a domestic abusive relationship and I’m trying to get out. I’m financially dependent due to my tarnished background & he knows it. I’m well aware of my poor life choices that lead me here but I have to find a less violent environment. I’m hurting. I can’t find a job or apartment because of my background so any information is helpful. I’ve worked fast food & will work it again but my bruised body has caused me to quit out of embarrassment or because I was made to do so to hide his crime. Any information will help. Again, I need & want out.",Kneesea,1,0,9,2020-01-11 02:16:49,domesticviolence,"I’m in a domestic abusive relationship and I’m trying to get out. I’m financially dependent due to my tarnished background & he knows it. I’m well aware of my poor life choices that lead me here but I have to find a less violent environment. I’m hurting. I can’t find a job or apartment because of my background so any information is helpful. I’ve worked fast food & will work it again but my bruised body has caused me to quit out of embarrassment or because I was made to do so to hide his crime. Any information will help. Again, I need & want out.",2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how your abusive relationship makes you feel,,,,True,212 en4jjg,I CANT STOP CRYING,1c,rant,2,WHY WONT ANYONE HELP ME???,Actual-Ice,1,0,1,2020-01-11 07:34:09,getting_over_it,WHY WONT ANYONE HELP ME???,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,repeat,True,000 eiuaes,Anxiety sucks,1a,help-seeking,1,"i am 19 and i started suffering from generalised anxiety disorder for like a year now,and it's so horrible and annoying,i keep worrying that i either will be having a heart attack or schizophrenia.The most annoying part though is that i know in the end that i have.nothing like this,i also a ECG and was just fine,but for some reason i can't stop the thoughts once they start.I went to a psychologist,said i should try to relax by doing the breath exercise but really doesn't work out for me to well.Does anyone have any tips?",ReaperGun,1,0,12,2020-01-02 05:59:54,Anxiety,"i am 19 and i started suffering from generalised anxiety disorder for like a year now. it's so horrible and annoying.i keep worrying that i either will be having a heart attack or schizophrenia.The most annoying part though is that i know in the end that i have.nothing like this,i also a ECG and was just fine,but for some reason i can't stop the thoughts once they start.I went to a psychologist,said i should try to relax by doing the breath exercise but really doesn't work out for me to well.Does anyone have any tips?",2,1,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how anxiety makes you feel,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help control your worries,,True,211 f3tbpy,"I thought yelling at some kid would help, it didn't",1b,rant,1,"I have to take a bus to get from school to home and i really hate the people on the bus, the just seem like a**holes that whine beacause they had to wait 2 minutes for me and my friend to get on it (were suppose to be there at 15:30, but they get there at like 15:15). I was on edge today becquse i had enough of their shit. Ok so there was this kid sleeping and we are about to get to his home, and without thinking twice I yelled ""WAKE UP!"" right into his ear. I felt good at the moment but looking back at it i regret doing this to him because he didn't really annoy me that day. I got looks from people and now I am sad.",guythedan,1,0,15,2020-02-14 14:59:26,Anger,"I have to take a bus to get from school to home and i really hate the people on the bus, the just seem like a**holes that whine beacause they had to wait 2 minutes for me and my friend to get on it (were suppose to be there at 15:30, but they get there at like 15:15). I was on edge today becquse i had enough of their shit. Ok so there was this kid sleeping and we are about to get to his home, and without thinking twice I yelled ""WAKE UP!"" right into his ear. I felt good at the moment but looking back at it i regret doing this to him because he didn't really annoy me that day. I got looks from people and now I am sad.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you regret your actions,,True,220 eiqgcb,New Year’s Resolution,0,chitchat,1,My fiancé and I decided to make it our new year’s resolution to quit cutting together. At 11:55 we cut together and kissed at midnight and neither of us have cut since. He’s about to leave my house (he slept over for new years) and I’m a little worried about if I’ll cut when he leaves but I’ve thrown out all my blades and I really don’t wanna disappoint him so I’m sticking to it. I’ll keep you guys updated on our progress. Have a great day my lovelies and happy new year!,fricken_spafford,1,0,4,2020-01-02 00:35:10,selfharm,My fiancé and I decided to make it our new year’s resolution to quit cutting together. At 11:55 we cut together and kissed at midnight and neither of us have cut since. He’s about to leave my house (he slept over for new years) and I’m a little worried about if I’ll cut when he leaves but I’ve thrown out all my blades and I really don’t wanna disappoint him so I’m sticking to it. I’ll keep you guys updated on our progress. Have a great day my lovelies and happy new year!,1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you cut yourself,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are worried about controlling your urges when alone,,True,120 ej0oq0,I think methylphenidate is working.,0,chitchat,1,"I'm new to the meds. Like two weeks ago new. Not new to the diagnosis. I'm 28 and a guy. I'd classify mine as severe. I've noticed myself keeping up with complicated conversations lately, which I've never been able to do. I still zone out, but this happening at all is definitely different. I also have noticed improvement in my emotional regulation, the biggest trigger for me to get meds. Specifically my ability to keep my anger under control. Idk what the ratio of meds to me that is but I'll take it. There will be bigger tests but initially I'm hopeful. I know I'm not the best measuring device for it at all, but it's all I have for now.",DJH6,1,0,1,2020-01-02 16:52:48,ADHD,"I'm new to the meds. Like two weeks ago new. Not new to the diagnosis. I'm 28 and a guy. I'd classify mine as severe. I've noticed myself keeping up with complicated conversations lately, which I've never been able to do. I still zone out, but this happening at all is definitely different. I also have noticed improvement in my emotional regulation, the biggest trigger for me to get meds. Specifically my ability to keep my anger under control. Idk what the ratio of meds to me that is but I'll take it. There will be bigger tests but initially I'm hopeful. I know I'm not the best measuring device for it at all, but it's all I have for now.",2,0,0,,,,,,,,True,200 eibnro,"""Just because you have trust issues doesn't mean you can't share""",1b,rant,1,"I have trust issues because my sister keeps taking my stuff without my permission. I recently told her to put my stuff back because I have trust issues, and she said ""just because you have trust issues doesn't mean you can't share! "" She got mad at me, took as much as she could hold, and locked herself in her room. I can't confront her about this, because she'll get mad again. Fucking mint👌🏻",I-wanna-kill-myself,1,0,2,2020-01-01 00:52:47,mentalillness,"I have trust issues because my sister keeps taking my stuff without my permission. I recently told her to put my stuff back because I have trust issues, and she said ""just because you have trust issues doesn't mean you can't share! "" She got mad at me, took as much as she could hold, and locked herself in her room. I can't confront her about this, because she'll get mad again. Fucking mint👌🏻",2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,the trust issues,What do you need help with now that X?,you have trust issues with your sister,,True,200 esnjz9,A video to help if you feel like you get hurt more easily than others <3,0,chitchat,1,"[https://youtu.be/AdXV4zQa3nI](https://youtu.be/AdXV4zQa3nI) A new way to cope and help yourself throughout your whole life. \[This is from a Psychology bachelors degree\]",knowsnothing000,1,0,0,2020-01-23 03:38:00,getting_over_it,[https://youtu.be/AdXV4zQa3nI](https://youtu.be/AdXV4zQa3nI) A new way to cope and help yourself throughout your whole life. \[This is from a Psychology bachelors degree\],0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eni9ue,Update: Having to explain my mental breakdown to a judge,1b,rant,2,"[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalillness/comments/elttn1/about_to_have_to_explain_my_mental_breakdowm_to_a/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share). I got rejected. Because apparently having a psychotic break and being hospitalized isn't a good enough ""excuse"" to ""no-call/no-show"". The wording of the official report is so misleading, too. ""Claimant was not clear what occured that prevented them from contacting employer(...)"".... what is so hard to understand about ""I was basically literally Out Of My Mind""??? And ""did not make an attempt to contact the employer after treatment"", I explained that to her too and she didn't put down what I said about that part. I'm 100% out of money, *still* having no luck whatsoever with job hunting, I'm actually *running out of jobs i can even apply to* in my area, new regulations cut off my food stamps, disability would take literal years, no meds, no prospects, and now, no unemployment to get me through. Just fucking end my life already",underairpressure,1,0,7,2020-01-12 03:34:09,mentalillness,"[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalillness/comments/elttn1/about_to_have_to_explain_my_mental_breakdowm_to_a/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share). I got rejected. Because apparently having a psychotic break and being hospitalized isn't a good enough ""excuse"" to ""no-call/no-show"". The wording of the official report is so misleading, too. ""Claimant was not clear what occured that prevented them from contacting employer(...)"".... what is so hard to understand about ""I was basically literally Out Of My Mind""??? And ""did not make an attempt to contact the employer after treatment"", I explained that to her too and she didn't put down what I said about that part. I'm 100% out of money, *still* having no luck whatsoever with job hunting, I'm actually *running out of jobs i can even apply to* in my area, new regulations cut off my food stamps, disability would take literal years, no meds, no prospects, and now, no unemployment to get me through. Just fucking end my life already",2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,the misleading official report,What do you need help with now that X?,you are tired of job hunting,,True,200 ei7r6q,Keeping your mental health a priority in 2020,0,chitchat,3,,Sandy_Pace,1,0,0,2019-12-31 19:42:12,selfhelp,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 exzt1h,Does anyone else bottle up their emotions?,1a,survey,1,I feel like when situations go bad for me I need to pretend that they don't affect me so other people don't worry about me.,discouraged144,1,0,4,2020-02-03 02:26:27,Anger,I feel like when situations go bad for me I need to pretend that they don't affect me so other people don't worry about me.,1,1,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you bottle up your emotions,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how bottling up emotions makes you feel,,,,True,112 f7lxax,Too embarrassed to show my anger.,1a,survey,1,"I have always been seen as a chill, relaxed guy who never gets angry. I'm basically the opposite. When at school, or other social situations, I appear to be laid back, when really, my mind is almost alway racing. My problem is that I feel that if I express anger or anxiety in public, people will think I have a problem and will treat me differently. For example, say my friends are ragging on me for something. I will usually try my hardest to show them that I'm annoyed at them, but this is usually, at most, just me making a serious facial expression. I could flip out and start yelling and shit, but I'm too embarassed to, so I restrain my anger. This is actually hard to do. When I'm at home and I'm really angry, I *will* yell, and I *will* even start to kick, punch stuff around me etc. My family know I have an anger problem, but no one else does. I really wish I could express my anger to my friends. Whenever I get angry on front of my friends they act surprised and they will usually laugh, which then makes me more angry. Does anyone else have this issue?",iamtheseamonster,1,0,0,2020-02-22 02:12:09,Anger,"I have always been seen as a chill, relaxed guy who never gets angry. I'm basically the opposite. When at school, or other social situations, I appear to be laid back, when really, my mind is almost alway racing. My problem is that I feel that if I express anger or anxiety in public, people will think I have a problem and will treat me differently. For example, say my friends are ragging on me for something. I will usually try my hardest to show them that I'm annoyed at them, but this is usually, at most, just me making a serious facial expression. I could flip out and start yelling and shit, but I'm too embarassed to, so I restrain my anger. This is actually hard to do. When I'm at home and I'm really angry, I *will* yell, and I *will* even start to kick, punch stuff around me etc. My family know I have an anger problem, but no one else does. I really wish I could express my anger to my friends. Whenever I get angry on front of my friends they act surprised and they will usually laugh, which then makes me more angry. Does anyone else have this issue?",2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,restraining your anger,,,,True,202 eiqvib,"Went to a New Years Eve party, barely talked the entire time",1a,rant,1,I went to a New Years Eve party last night and the entire time I maybe send a few things to my friend. I don't even really think anymore. I just stare at the wall wishing something would happen. I'm terribly depressed and don't know how to communicate with people. A girl got mad at a friend and left and I felt bad for her but I don't know what happened. I wish I could communicate with people but I never know what to talk about. I do the same thing everyday and rarely talk to people. I'm also a virgin and could never compliment a girl because I wouldn't want them to think I'm some pervert who only wants them for sex. I'm probably going to die alone.,tcbabcock,1,0,3,2020-01-02 01:08:39,Anxiety,I went to a New Years Eve party last night and the entire time I maybe send a few things to my friend. I don't even really think anymore. I just stare at the wall wishing something would happen. I'm terribly depressed and don't know how to communicate with people. A girl got mad at a friend and left and I felt bad for her but I don't know what happened. I wish I could communicate with people but I never know what to talk about. I do the same thing everyday and rarely talk to people. I'm also a virgin and could never compliment a girl because I wouldn't want them to think I'm some pervert who only wants them for sex. I'm probably going to die alone.,2,0,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,not being able to communicate,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you not feel lonely,,True,201 eq8f79,Taking the first step,0,rant,1,I'm being brave or so I hope in telling my loved ones tonight I have a problem I hope they will still love me,lonewolf19891,1,0,4,2020-01-17 23:30:05,OpiatesRecovery,I'm being brave or so I hope in telling my loved ones tonight I have a problem I hope they will still love me,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 ejvf6d,Stop medication when I'm not supposed to,1a,rant,5,I feel very self destructive atm. Almost like I want to be ill. I've cancelled my doctor appointments and decided not to do therapy. I don't know why I am like this since I've been having non stop suicidal thoughts for the past few weeks. :(,Austen-sible,2,0,20,2020-01-04 11:08:08,mentalillness,Stop medication when I'm not supposed to I feel very self destructive atm. Almost like I want to be ill. I've cancelled my doctor appointments and decided not to do therapy. I don't know why I am like this since I've been having non stop suicidal thoughts for the past few weeks. :(,1,1,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you stopped medication,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how stopping the medication made you feel,What do you need help with now that X?,you are feeling very self destructive,"suicidal,title",True,110 ekpuo3,Another DUI,1a,rant,1,"I tried getting sober before and I had a year knowing full well I’d go out again afterwards. Fast forward a few years I get a spinal cord injury and lost a lot of mobility in my left arm. I drank and used to the point of black out. Fast forward a year, my father dies unexpectedly. I drank so much one day o woke up in a puddle of my own vomit. After thanksgiving I got another DUI. I’m so scared that it’s going to ruin this upcoming quarter at university and I’m more than certain my plans for a quarter abroad in Germany are surely dashed. I’m 37 days sober and I’m very thankful for that. I wish my dad was here.",xander_nico,1,0,6,2020-01-06 06:04:38,alcoholicsanonymous,"I tried getting sober before and I had a year knowing full well I’d go out again afterwards. Fast forward a few years I get a spinal cord injury and lost a lot of mobility in my left arm. I drank and used to the point of black out. Fast forward a year, my father dies unexpectedly. I drank so much one day o woke up in a puddle of my own vomit. After thanksgiving I got another DUI. I’m so scared that it’s going to ruin this upcoming quarter at university and I’m more than certain my plans for a quarter abroad in Germany are surely dashed. I’m 37 days sober and I’m very thankful for that. I wish my dad was here.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eifcxt,Sometimes I love my brain,0,chitchat,1,"Okay yes, sometimes ADHD is watching a movie by watching for 3 minutes, starting another one, then stopping it to check your email and finally ending up spending your whole afternoon on TikTok. Sometimes ADHD is playing Animal Crossing until you're so hungry and have to pee so badly that you physically have to stop. And sometimes ADHD is forgetting your third anecdote. BUT this morning, I went to work as usual, saw that there was no one there (oh right, it's New Years Day), then a mountain in the distance caught my eye and I drove towards it. https://imgur.com/a/45dpMWV I took some pictures and climbed some boulders. Sometimes following your impulses is pretty fun!",pantagraines,1,0,7,2020-01-01 06:54:38,ADHD,"Okay yes, sometimes ADHD is watching a movie by watching for 3 minutes, starting another one, then stopping it to check your email and finally ending up spending your whole afternoon on TikTok. Sometimes ADHD is playing Animal Crossing until you're so hungry and have to pee so badly that you physically have to stop. And sometimes ADHD is forgetting your third anecdote. BUT this morning, I went to work as usual, saw that there was no one there (oh right, it's New Years Day), then a mountain in the distance caught my eye and I drove towards it. https://imgur.com/a/45dpMWV I took some pictures and climbed some boulders. Sometimes following your impulses is pretty fun!",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eo1079,"Thank you, it's time",0,chitchat,1,"I have been wanting to be off Xanax and now Klonopin for 3 years from 9. I made a post, unsure of what to do, and you all really helped me. In a week I'll be going to my first detox and (3rd -- from EDs) inpatient and I'm so excited. Of course I freak out and say maybe not but 9 years prescribed without a panic attack in 4-5 is gonna be worth it. I want it so bad. It's mine for the taking. I'll see ya on the other side folks, might be a few months. Keep on keeping on. Thank you.",throwitaway73647,1,0,1,2020-01-13 07:36:12,addiction,"I have been wanting to be off Xanax and now Klonopin for 3 years from 9. I made a post, unsure of what to do, and you all really helped me. In a week I'll be going to my first detox and (3rd -- from EDs) inpatient and I'm so excited. Of course I freak out and say maybe not but 9 years prescribed without a panic attack in 4-5 is gonna be worth it. I want it so bad. It's mine for the taking. I'll see ya on the other side folks, might be a few months. Keep on keeping on. Thank you.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 emhwgg,"What happens if I call the cops on my wife for being abusive, but I was abusive in the past?",1a,help-seeking,3,"Long story short, my wife (F26) and I (M27) have been married for a few years. At first she abused me verbally and physically (never enough to leave a bruise or anything, but she would throw things at me, hit me in the back of the head, etc...). When begging for forgiveness didn't work I started hitting her back. Her parents know, our pastor knows, and there's a police record of the cops getting called on us for screaming at each other -- though nothing came of that because I had already left the house at that point. After intensive counseling I have stopped abusing her (though she would say I still mentally abuse her by playing mind games... My side of the story is just that I'm walking on eggshells trying not to say the wrong thing). But she continued. The last couple weeks have been especially bad. She's called me retard, idiot, worthless, told me she wishes I was dead, told me she wishes she was dead, punched me, and thrown things at me. I'm ready to leave. But I'm scared. I could see her hitting me hard enough to leave a bruise, in which case I'd call the cops. But she always has random bruises from running into doors and stuff. Given that, and our history of abusing each other she could easily just tell the cops that she was defending herself. What happens in that situation? I hear horror stories of guys getting taken to jail for the night and stuff like that. I can't loose my job or worse. There's also the wrinkle of us both having been hospitalized for alcohol use in the past - so she could say I was drunk. And we both smoke weed from time to time, so she could tell the cops -- or even if the cops aren't involved, she could just try to get me in trouble at work or something. But I guess my biggest question is just what happens when the cops come and she says she was defending herself? What happens if the cops come and she tries to get me in trouble for drugs or something? What happens if the cops come while I'm high??? I'm in Southern Ohio if it makes a difference. Telling me to get out of there now and such isn't going to help because I'm not leaving tonight. I'm probably not leaving tomorrow. And I'm probably not leaving next week. I know it's a character flaw. But it's just not going to change today. I'm just looking for answers to my questions.",therapythrowaway85,1,0,14,2020-01-09 23:20:35,domesticviolence,"Long story short, my wife (F26) and I (M27) have been married for a few years. At first she abused me verbally and physically (never enough to leave a bruise or anything, but she would throw things at me, hit me in the back of the head, etc...). When begging for forgiveness didn't work I started hitting her back. Her parents know, our pastor knows, and there's a police record of the cops getting called on us for screaming at each other -- though nothing came of that because I had already left the house at that point. After intensive counseling I have stopped abusing her (though she would say I still mentally abuse her by playing mind games... My side of the story is just that I'm walking on eggshells trying not to say the wrong thing). But she continued. The last couple weeks have been especially bad. She's called me retard, idiot, worthless, told me she wishes I was dead, told me she wishes she was dead, punched me, and thrown things at me. I'm ready to leave. But I'm scared. I could see her hitting me hard enough to leave a bruise, in which case I'd call the cops. But she always has random bruises from running into doors and stuff. Given that, and our history of abusing each other she could easily just tell the cops that she was defending herself. What happens in that situation? I hear horror stories of guys getting taken to jail for the night and stuff like that. I can't loose my job or worse. There's also the wrinkle of us both having been hospitalized for alcohol use in the past - so she could say I was drunk. And we both smoke weed from time to time, so she could tell the cops -- or even if the cops aren't involved, she could just try to get me in trouble at work or something. But I guess my biggest question is just what happens when the cops come and she says she was defending herself? What happens if the cops come and she tries to get me in trouble for drugs or something? What happens if the cops come while I'm high??? I'm in Southern Ohio if it makes a difference. Telling me to get out of there now and such isn't going to help because I'm not leaving tonight. I'm probably not leaving tomorrow. And I'm probably not leaving next week. I know it's a character flaw. But it's just not going to change today. I'm just looking for answers to my questions.",2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how your wife's outbursts make you feel,,,,True,212 ekcfvg,Sponsors who take forever to get back,1b,rant,2,"Partially asking for advice partially just complaining. I made it to step 9 with my current sponsor, at first it seemed awesome and like a good fit but lately it’s been especially hard to communicate with them. I’ll hit them up, hear back with a partial response maybe like 8 hours later, respond to that and the conversation just dies there. I’m frustrated since I’ve made it this far into step work, and especially frustrated since I did my 4th and 5th step with them. I’m definitely looking for another sponsor. It makes me feel like shit when people don’t respond to me, like there must be something wrong with me and something I’m doing to make this person not want to be in contact with me. I feel like their trying to send me a message and well I definitely got it. I’m going through some really painful stuff in my personal life and this is just one more thing that I just don’t need weighing me down.",GSpunk,1,0,14,2020-01-05 12:30:34,alcoholicsanonymous,"Partially asking for advice partially just complaining. I made it to step 9 with my current sponsor, at first it seemed awesome and like a good fit but lately it’s been especially hard to communicate with them. I’ll hit them up, hear back with a partial response maybe like 8 hours later, respond to that and the conversation just dies there. I’m frustrated since I’ve made it this far into step work, and especially frustrated since I did my 4th and 5th step with them. I’m definitely looking for another sponsor. It makes me feel like shit when people don’t respond to me, like there must be something wrong with me and something I’m doing to make this person not want to be in contact with me. I feel like their trying to send me a message and well I definitely got it. I’m going through some really painful stuff in my personal life and this is just one more thing that I just don’t need weighing me down.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you communicate better with your sponser,,True,221 eih40t,Scared and so sad. Not sure what to do.,1b,rant,3,"So, here I am crying on New Year's Day having had zero sleep and alone. On 12/30 my husband and I had a huge fight. He came home after 12am saying he was working late. I didn't buy it and was angry...I did hit him but nothing compared to what he did to me. He slapped me so hard that he busted my lip and slapped me again and I fell to the ground and also broke my phone to pieces, broke some furniture. I just couldn't believe he was doing this to me. I don't think he will ever change even though he keep making promises. I was in an accident 3 years ago and due to this have 3 herniated discs and can't work bc of severe pain, so I depend on him. It's so hard because a huge part of me wants to leave and just disappear but I'm so scared of being out there alone. So tonight I told him that I was going to stay home for New Years because I had been in so much pain all day. I expected him to say he would stay with me and watch a movie or something. His response...okay I'm going to my Aunt's house. He showered changed and left. He didn't even care to call me or anything. It's after 5 am and he isn't home and I can't stop crying. I also came across something suspicious today on his youtube account. He had searched for ""how to treat your lover"" and watched several videos about having a lover/how to not fall in love with your lover. A little history on our marriage...we got married in early 2018, but I separated from him in Feb. 2019 due to abuse and problems with him and pornography (I'm Christian so pornography is definitely not something we do). He promised me he changed and wanted to work on our marriage and do counseling. We are supposed to have our first meeting on 1/11 and I recently came back home just last week. Now with all of this I just don't think it's worth it to even try. Since I've been here he shows me little to no affection, won't even sleep in the same bed as me and he's still very abusive. I had been staying at my brother's house but there's no way I can go back there. I have severe pain daily and that's something my brother doesn't understand, instead he gets angry at me and thinks I'm being lazy. Sometimes I just want to disappear. :( Why couldn't he agree to having a divorce? Instead he made me believe he loved me and was willing to change. I don't even want to tell my family what has happened, I feel so ashamed. Also, this morning I said to him look what you did to my lip when you smacked me. He says, I didn't smack you - that happened when I was taking the phone from your hand. I screamed at him and said What? You smacked me several times, and then his face changed and he said yes I did smack you, I'm sorry. I know I need help for my anger issues. :(( I don't know what to do and feel so helpless. It feels like I'm the only one in the world with a failed marriage and a husband who doesn't even think I'm attractive anymore even though I've been told I'm very pretty. :''''( Gosh, I just wish my marriage was healthy and NORMAL. Sorry for this long rant, I really needed to just let it out and don't have anyone I can talk to about this openly.",LovelyOne88,1,0,1,2020-01-01 10:43:44,domesticviolence,"So, here I am crying on New Year's Day having had zero sleep and alone. On 12/30 my husband and I had a huge fight. He came home after 12am saying he was working late. I didn't buy it and was angry...I did hit him but nothing compared to what he did to me. He slapped me so hard that he busted my lip and slapped me again and I fell to the ground and also broke my phone to pieces, broke some furniture. I just couldn't believe he was doing this to me. I don't think he will ever change even though he keep making promises. I was in an accident 3 years ago and due to this have 3 herniated discs and can't work bc of severe pain, so I depend on him. It's so hard because a huge part of me wants to leave and just disappear but I'm so scared of being out there alone. So tonight I told him that I was going to stay home for New Years because I had been in so much pain all day. I expected him to say he would stay with me and watch a movie or something. His response...okay I'm going to my Aunt's house. He showered changed and left. He didn't even care to call me or anything. It's after 5 am and he isn't home and I can't stop crying. I also came across something suspicious today on his youtube account. He had searched for ""how to treat your lover"" and watched several videos about having a lover/how to not fall in love with your lover. A little history on our marriage...we got married in early 2018, but I separated from him in Feb. 2019 due to abuse and problems with him and pornography (I'm Christian so pornography is definitely not something we do). He promised me he changed and wanted to work on our marriage and do counseling. We are supposed to have our first meeting on 1/11 and I recently came back home just last week. Now with all of this I just don't think it's worth it to even try. Since I've been here he shows me little to no affection, won't even sleep in the same bed as me and he's still very abusive. I had been staying at my brother's house but there's no way I can go back there. I have severe pain daily and that's something my brother doesn't understand, instead he gets angry at me and thinks I'm being lazy. Sometimes I just want to disappear. :( Why couldn't he agree to having a divorce? Instead he made me believe he loved me and was willing to change. I don't even want to tell my family what has happened, I feel so ashamed. Also, this morning I said to him look what you did to my lip when you smacked me. He says, I didn't smack you - that happened when I was taking the phone from your hand. I screamed at him and said What? You smacked me several times, and then his face changed and he said yes I did smack you, I'm sorry. I know I need help for my anger issues. :(( I don't know what to do and feel so helpless. It feels like I'm the only one in the world with a failed marriage and a husband who doesn't even think I'm attractive anymore even though I've been told I'm very pretty. :''''( Gosh, I just wish my marriage was healthy and NORMAL. Sorry for this long rant, I really needed to just let it out and don't have anyone I can talk to about this openly.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you deal with your abusive husband,,True,221 eyuu31,My husband broke my nose last month,1b,rant,1,It still hurts every day. Especially out in the cold. The worst part is I can't even cry because it's not worth how much my nose hurts when I do.,InTheBackoftheCivic,1,0,10,2020-02-04 18:48:23,domesticviolence,My husband broke my nose last month It still hurts every day. Especially out in the cold. The worst part is I can't even cry because it's not worth how much my nose hurts when I do.,1,1,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why your husband broke your nose,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how did you feel about your husband's actions,What do you need help with now that X?,your nose hurts in the cold,,True,110 eis4rf,how do i hide my cuts,0,help-seeking,1,,wilburn13,1,0,1,2020-01-02 02:50:17,selfharm,how do i hide my cuts,0,0,2,What happened that you want X ?,hide your cuts,Why are you wanting X ?,to hide your cuts,,,,True,002 el2bxn,Terrified,1a,chitchat,2,I've been an addict for about 6 years and I'm about to start on the road to recovery. I am as scared as I've ever been in my life and I don't know if I'm strong enough. Though it has definitely clicked in my head and I desperately want to be clean and live a normal life. I dropped out of highschool and haven't been able to get my GED because of my addiction. I can't hold down a job and my life is basically spent in my house getting high after getting back from scoring. I am so ready to get my life back but in terrified of withdrawal and what the path back to sobriety will be like. But I'm finally ready. I wish the best of luck and support to anyone who is in the same situation or is about to be. Maybe in 6 months I can do an update. This sub has been a huge influence for me to want to get clean. Reading all of your success stories has greatly inspired me to be strong and push through to the other side. Thank you all so much for all you do and I'll see you on the other side.,FreeBigJulius,1,0,26,2020-01-06 23:26:18,OpiatesRecovery,I've been an addict for about 6 years and I'm about to start on the road to recovery. I am as scared as I've ever been in my life and I don't know if I'm strong enough. Though it has definitely clicked in my head and I desperately want to be clean and live a normal life. I dropped out of highschool and haven't been able to get my GED because of my addiction. I can't hold down a job and my life is basically spent in my house getting high after getting back from scoring. I am so ready to get my life back but in terrified of withdrawal and what the path back to sobriety will be like. But I'm finally ready. I wish the best of luck and support to anyone who is in the same situation or is about to be. Maybe in 6 months I can do an update. This sub has been a huge influence for me to want to get clean. Reading all of your success stories has greatly inspired me to be strong and push through to the other side. Thank you all so much for all you do and I'll see you on the other side.,2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help with your recovery,,True,221 em4er7,(TW) After 5 years of not cutting I did it again,1a,rant,2,"the last time I had even thought about cutting myself was in middle school. I just graduated high school, and I did it again. I'm trying to be sober from ALL drugs (I beat opiate and & cocaine addiction-go me) including weed and its been a couple days and the brain fog has lifted and im being forced to actually feel emotions. it seems like whenever I try to give up drugs I normally pick up disordered eating habits or excessive exercise to take its place, but this time I felt the urge to cut myself and I did. and in that moment, the inner voice in my head was silent. I can see myself spiraling out of control with cutting because for a moment, I felt at peace. I went to my first NA meeting tonight and my mom came with me and I hated every moment of it. I don't want to be completely sober I can't see that happening. I wanted to buy some weed immediately after but she took my keys. I don't think I can live without some type of escape. I don't even know why im typing this because as soon as I press post im going right back to the bathroom and doing it again. I want help but I don't want to talk about my feelings at all. I've also been off my depression meds for about a week now, so that could've contributed to it but im not sure. im so ashamed of myself but not enough to stop. I really just want to be held and told everything will be okay but Ive pushed everyone away. I just feel so lost and hopeless. thank you if you read this whole thing and im sorry if it was upsetting",hmmmmphhhhhh,1,0,1,2020-01-09 04:11:56,addiction,"the last time I had even thought about cutting myself was in middle school. I just graduated high school, and I did it again. I'm trying to be sober from ALL drugs (I beat opiate and & cocaine addiction-go me) including weed and its been a couple days and the brain fog has lifted and im being forced to actually feel emotions. it seems like whenever I try to give up drugs I normally pick up disordered eating habits or excessive exercise to take its place, but this time I felt the urge to cut myself and I did. and in that moment, the inner voice in my head was silent. I can see myself spiraling out of control with cutting because for a moment, I felt at peace. I went to my first NA meeting tonight and my mom came with me and I hated every moment of it. I don't want to be completely sober I can't see that happening. I wanted to buy some weed immediately after but she took my keys. I don't think I can live without some type of escape. I don't even know why im typing this because as soon as I press post im going right back to the bathroom and doing it again. I want help but I don't want to talk about my feelings at all. I've also been off my depression meds for about a week now, so that could've contributed to it but im not sure. im so ashamed of myself but not enough to stop. I really just want to be held and told everything will be okay but Ive pushed everyone away. I just feel so lost and hopeless. thank you if you read this whole thing and im sorry if it was upsetting",1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you hated the NA meeting,,,,,,True,122 em5ev2,After many tries geting off the wagon back on it and many relapses i think i finally surrendered.,1a,rant,3,"I've been trying to get sober many times but i always end up relapsing because i am not 100 percent commit, I was not willing to get rid of everything and anything that would get on way of my recovery. I would think about it. This time people are going to drop like flies regardless if i had great times with them or if i knew em for a long time. I am also going to help me fellow addicts by sponsoring hopefully and Finally but not intimately I finally broke down and cried because i couldn't keep going, i recently started doing meth and that shit gets weird really quick . I dont want to keep going to see weird it leads or ends. I begged for help and im wiling to do everything is suggested without trying to understand it or flip it and make it my way like i always did and i felt at peace and then i got a seance of happiness like i've never felt before that everything is going to be ok if i just do gods will and stop trying to control everything. and then this little song popped up right away on youtube. &#x200B; [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqDinxaPUK4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqDinxaPUK4) everyday i wake up im going to make that my number one priority and end this vicious cycle that killed my dad. murder that disease!",evangelion-01,1,0,4,2020-01-09 05:46:14,addiction,"I've been trying to get sober many times but i always end up relapsing because i am not 100 percent commit. I was not willing to get rid of everything and anything that would get on way of my recovery. I would think about it. This time people are going to drop like flies regardless if i had great times with them or if i knew em for a long time. I am also going to help me fellow addicts by sponsoring hopefully and Finally but not intimately I finally broke down and cried because i couldn't keep going, i recently started doing meth and that shit gets weird really quick . I dont want to keep going to see weird it leads or ends. I begged for help and im wiling to do everything is suggested without trying to understand it or flip it and make it my way like i always did and i felt at peace and then i got a seance of happiness like i've never felt before that everything is going to be ok if i just do gods will and stop trying to control everything. and then this little song popped up right away on youtube. &#x200B; [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqDinxaPUK4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqDinxaPUK4) everyday i wake up im going to make that my number one priority and end this vicious cycle that killed my dad. murder that disease!",2,2,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you stay sober,,True,221 ew4sfd,broke my phone,0,rant,1,I broke my phone yesterday out of frustration with the people around me.,calcola77,1,0,1,2020-01-30 12:36:49,Anger,I broke my phone yesterday out of frustration with the people around me.,0,2,0,What made you feel X ?,frustrated,,,What can help you overcome X ?,this frustration,,True,020 ejmb5z,Hello....,1a,rant,1," I do cut myself when I'm incredibly upset,angry,or panicked. And sometimes i scratch till raw. But. I feel like I dont do it enough? One of my friends hurts herself and her scars are so big and intense. But I dont even cut myself deep enough to leave a scar. I've done it once or twice, but I feel like it's not good enough. Like I'm just doing it to fit in or for attention. I don't feel like I suffer from depression but somedays it's very hard to stop thinking about what it would be like to kill myself. I dont know if it's just because I'm a teenager or because I want attention but I dont know what to do and um feeling scared. Edit This happened yesterday. I just dont know anymore.. one of my friends said that they couldn't take me anywhere because of how loud and clingy I was she said sorry and that she was jokeing. I just kinda got up. Said i was going to the bathroom. Went there and got into a stall. Then i clawed at my thighs till the almost bleed. Then rolled down my pants and went back out like nothing was wrong. I feel like a clingy piece of shit.",FreeShoesKiddos,5,0,4,2020-01-03 21:44:58,selfharm," I do cut myself when I'm incredibly upset,angry,or panicked. And sometimes i scratch till raw. But. I feel like I dont do it enough? One of my friends hurts herself and her scars are so big and intense. But I dont even cut myself deep enough to leave a scar. I've done it once or twice, but I feel like it's not good enough. Like I'm just doing it to fit in or for attention. I don't feel like I suffer from depression but somedays it's very hard to stop thinking about what it would be like to kill myself. I dont know if it's just because I'm a teenager or because I want attention but I dont know what to do and um feeling scared. Edit This happened yesterday. I just dont know anymore.. one of my friends said that they couldn't take me anywhere because of how loud and clingy I was she said sorry and that she was joking. I just kinda got up. Said i was going to the bathroom. Went there and got into a stall. Then i clawed at my thighs till the almost bleed. Then rolled down my pants and went back out like nothing was wrong. I feel like a clingy piece of shit.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you got triggered by your friend's harsh words,,True,220 eniygj,What is your own definition of clean?,0,survey,1,What is your personal definition of being clean? I'm curious to know...,lizzikins85,1,0,11,2020-01-12 04:36:10,OpiatesRecovery,What is your personal definition of being clean? I'm curious to know...,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 f9xeal,How to cope with work when it's a major anxiety trigger?,1a,help-seeking,1,"I have anxiety about many things, but for some reason work is a major one. I'm talking about simple part time retail or cleaning jobs, nothing very responsible. When I'm there I feel trapped, I just want to take my stuff and run away, but I can't leave until the shift is over. Until then I'm a prisoner (logically I know how silly this sounds). And when I'm home every minute is spent 'mentally preparing' for the upcoming shift (dreading it while trying to talk myself into doing it), I can't think about much else. I've had a few short terms jobs. Two of them I quit after 2 weeks, and the third was a temporary job so it was done after a few weeks anyway. I felt this with each one. I have a new one now and once again I'm panicking about the shift tomorrow. I really want to be able to work, and I hate myself that much more for struggling and not really being able to cope. People constantly tell me I'm lazy, and I'm sure my parents will get fed up with financially supporting me at some point. How am I suppose to function in society?",NoLightOnlyDarkness,1,0,5,2020-02-26 18:09:10,getting_over_it,"How to cope with work when it's a major anxiety trigger? I have anxiety about many things, but for some reason work is a major one. I'm talking about simple part time retail or cleaning jobs, nothing very responsible. When I'm there I feel trapped, I just want to take my stuff and run away, but I can't leave until the shift is over. Until then I'm a prisoner (logically I know how silly this sounds). And when I'm home every minute is spent 'mentally preparing' for the upcoming shift (dreading it while trying to talk myself into doing it), I can't think about much else. I've had a few short terms jobs. Two of them I quit after 2 weeks, and the third was a temporary job so it was done after a few weeks anyway. I felt this with each one. I have a new one now and once again I'm panicking about the shift tomorrow. I really want to be able to work, and I hate myself that much more for struggling and not really being able to cope. People constantly tell me I'm lazy, and I'm sure my parents will get fed up with financially supporting me at some point. How am I suppose to function in society?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 elgz5g,Is this withdrawal?,1a,help-seeking,2,"I took (snorted) my last dose of oxy around 50 hours ago. The first 24 -36 hours sucked A LOT - was super cold with major chills and anxious, nauseous, couldn't sleep, chills. This morning 45 hours or so I started feeling better. My stomach is still all balled up and my shits are liquid and semi-uncontrollable but I feel...idk, better. Is all this me moving through acute withdrawal? I'm 99% trustful of people I get my shit from so I dont think they're pressed, but as r/opiates likes to point out, you never really know. Does the fact I felt like ass and am starting to feel better suggest I started withdrawal or am I gonna get slammed on day 5 or something? I'm really scared. I need to be at work on thursday so I'm really hoping y'all can tell me this was it. I tend to get psychosomatic so often even just mentioning ""nah it could still take more days"" will whip me into withdrawal type feelings or if I know I'm running out, I'll feel withdrawal symptoms as soon as I take a dose which I know is impossible. I think I'd feel safe if I hadn't spent so much time reading all the different cases! I've just freaked myself out! Any help is great!",anon138138138,1,0,37,2020-01-07 20:13:32,OpiatesRecovery,"I took (snorted) my last dose of oxy around 50 hours ago. The first 24 -36 hours sucked A LOT - was super cold with major chills and anxious, nauseous, couldn't sleep, chills. This morning 45 hours or so I started feeling better. My stomach is still all balled up and my shits are liquid and semi-uncontrollable but I feel...idk, better. Is all this me moving through acute withdrawal? I'm 99% trustful of people I get my shit from so I dont think they're pressed, but as r/opiates likes to point out, you never really know. Does the fact I felt like ass and am starting to feel better suggest I started withdrawal or am I gonna get slammed on day 5 or something? I'm really scared. I need to be at work on thursday so I'm really hoping y'all can tell me this was it. I tend to get psychosomatic so often even just mentioning ""nah it could still take more days"" will whip me into withdrawal type feelings or if I know I'm running out, I'll feel withdrawal symptoms as soon as I take a dose which I know is impossible. I think I'd feel safe if I hadn't spent so much time reading all the different cases! I've just freaked myself out! Any help is great!",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eiufvz,"What are some strategies to function as an adult, with an adhd brain, that actually work and are possible to continue using once the new wears off? Are there any? Is there hope for me to live a life somewhere close to normal? I am at the end of my rope trying to find the answers on my own.",1a,help-seeking,3,"It is almost midnight, everyone in my house is asleep, and here I am pouring over google searches I have done a thousand times before. I’m scouring the links for some hope of information I don’t already have that will either aid me in explaining myself and my behavior to those affected by it, or figure out some way to alter my behavior that will make the way I move through the world a little more tolerable. After a few fruitless searches tonight, I knew I had finally and officially googled it all when I typed in simply: adhd help. I feel as though I spend my entire life trying to compensate, failing miserably at every turn. I’m always in trouble, someone is always irritated with me, I am constantly apologizing as I am drowning trying to just stay afloat. I’ve stopped promising to not do “it” again, no matter what “it” is (usually being late or forgetting something important) because I know, after 36 years, I will do it again no matter how much I don’t want to. I’m just defeated. My children are old enough now to realize I am not normal, I can’t volunteer at their school, I can’t be part of the PTA, or even sign up to bring cupcakes to a class party. I know I can’t do these things because I tried to and quickly realized it is far better to just not sign up for things than to sign up and then forget about them. My husband is a saint, but even he i has grown weary of the house always being a mess, frozen pizza or takeout for dinner every night, the list goes on. I can’t keep friends, or a job, or a schedule. I’m just lost. Now more than ever. I am spinning my wheels trying to fix this so I’m not constantly apologizing and letting people down over and over. Googling “adhd help” didn’t help at all. Any solution I have ever found to an ADHD problem only works as long as it is new and interesting, after that I drop it no matter how well it was working, and find myself completely unable to pick it back up again. Is there anything that will stick, or a way to make something stick once the novelty has worn off? I have exhausted every other source of support and information I am aware of...so r/ADHD can you help me? Or at least understand me?",hanhanjackiechan,1,0,15,2020-01-02 06:14:10,ADHD,"What are some strategies to function as an adult, with an adhd brain, that actually work and are possible to continue using once the new wears off? Are there any? Is there hope for me to live a life somewhere close to normal? I am at the end of my rope trying to find the answers on my own. It is almost midnight, everyone in my house is asleep, and here I am pouring over google searches I have done a thousand times before. I’m scouring the links for some hope of information I don’t already have that will either aid me in explaining myself and my behavior to those affected by it, or figure out some way to alter my behavior that will make the way I move through the world a little more tolerable. After a few fruitless searches tonight, I knew I had finally and officially googled it all when I typed in simply: adhd help. I feel as though I spend my entire life trying to compensate, failing miserably at every turn. I’m always in trouble, someone is always irritated with me, I am constantly apologizing as I am drowning trying to just stay afloat. I’ve stopped promising to not do “it” again, no matter what “it” is (usually being late or forgetting something important) because I know, after 36 years, I will do it again no matter how much I don’t want to. I’m just defeated. My children are old enough now to realize I am not normal, I can’t volunteer at their school, I can’t be part of the PTA, or even sign up to bring cupcakes to a class party. I know I can’t do these things because I tried to and quickly realized it is far better to just not sign up for things than to sign up and then forget about them. My husband is a saint, but even he i has grown weary of the house always being a mess, frozen pizza or takeout for dinner every night, the list goes on. I can’t keep friends, or a job, or a schedule. I’m just lost. Now more than ever. I am spinning my wheels trying to fix this so I’m not constantly apologizing and letting people down over and over. Googling “adhd help” didn’t help at all. Any solution I have ever found to an ADHD problem only works as long as it is new and interesting, after that I drop it no matter how well it was working, and find myself completely unable to pick it back up again. Is there anything that will stick, or a way to make something stick once the novelty has worn off? I have exhausted every other source of support and information I am aware of...so r/ADHD can you help me? Or at least understand me?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 emju52,I'm out of ideas...,1b,rant,1,"So, basically i just started highschool in September, and this one kid acts like a three year old and threatens to beat me up bc I'm short, weak, and I actually show a little bit of emotion.I seems like he wants to kill me and at this point I'm so mad that I can't even fall asleep, my brain just freaks out and it seems like I'm just not fit to even be angry, I need help but I've been told that I'm a psychopath multiple times and I kind of agree. If you have anything to say I'll be glad thanks for listening to my B.S.",icreep68,1,0,9,2020-01-10 01:45:44,Anger,"So, basically i just started highschool in September, and this one kid acts like a three year old and threatens to beat me up bc I'm short, weak, and I actually show a little bit of emotion.I seems like he wants to kill me and at this point I'm so mad that I can't even fall asleep, my brain just freaks out and it seems like I'm just not fit to even be angry, I need help but I've been told that I'm a psychopath multiple times and I kind of agree. If you have anything to say I'll be glad thanks for listening to my B.S.",2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,the boy in school,What do you need help with now that X?,you are freaked out by the boy,,True,200 eoyyam,"I dunno, I mean when you're biggest characteristic is your mental illness, it just fucking sucks",1c,rant,1,,Woodtraynexttome,1,0,0,2020-01-15 07:00:58,mentalillness,"I dunno, I mean when you're biggest characteristic is your mental illness, it just fucking sucks nan",1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your illness and its cause,How did X make you feel?,your illness,What do you need help with now that X?,your illness exhausted you,,True,100 eir6fh,Abandoned,1a,rant,1,"I'm a junior high school and I've had the same friends since middle school because I can't make friends. I decided I needed to move on with one of my close friends because he was a bad person and I was only friends with him because I don't have many other friends. My ex-friend essentially turned my other close friends against me and so I now had no one to hang out with. I'm very bad at connecting with other friends enough to hang out with them after school. And so I have been pretty lonely and my depression has came back worse than ever before. I honestly want a fresh start, but I don't want to go to a school where I have zero friends. :/",benahood,1,0,1,2020-01-02 01:32:57,socialanxiety,"I'm a junior high school and I've had the same friends since middle school because I can't make friends. I decided I needed to move on with one of my close friends because he was a bad person and I was only friends with him because I don't have many other friends. My ex-friend essentially turned my other close friends against me and so I now had no one to hang out with. I'm very bad at connecting with other friends enough to hang out with them after school. And so I have been pretty lonely and my depression has came back worse than ever before. I honestly want a fresh start, but I don't want to go to a school where I have zero friends. :/",2,0,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,the loss of both your friends,Can you elaborate more on X ?,the fresh start that you want,,True,201 ex0ztf,I hate myself,1a,rant,1,"The think the words, ""kill yourself"" probably a hundred times a day. The way I picture myself as like Jabba the Hut. I used to write in my spare time, and I still do, but I've been struggling with it for a while. I think, ""how can I create something I'm proud of when I have no pride in myself?"" I feel useless and hopeless. I've lived a very passive life. I'm tired of this mindset. I've tried to change my thought patterns before and it never lasted long. Does anyone else struggle with this? How do you deal with it? Have you succeeded in changing your thoughts? Sorry if this post is weird/long. I just finished the last season of Bojack Horseman and it made me think about my own life. I wanted to get this stuff out of my brain and my single friend won't want me to call him at 11:45 at night. Thanks.",toastyalchemist,1,0,4,2020-02-01 04:46:05,getting_over_it,"The think the words, ""kill yourself"" probably a hundred times a day. The way I picture myself as like Jabba the Hut. I used to write in my spare time, and I still do, but I've been struggling with it for a while. I think, ""how can I create something I'm proud of when I have no pride in myself?"" I feel useless and hopeless. I've lived a very passive life. I'm tired of this mindset. I've tried to change my thought patterns before and it never lasted long. Does anyone else struggle with this? How do you deal with it? Have you succeeded in changing your thoughts? Sorry if this post is weird/long. I just finished the last season of Bojack Horseman and it made me think about my own life. I wanted to get this stuff out of my brain and my single friend won't want me to call him at 11:45 at night. Thanks.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 emcarj,"What do people on here mean, when they say they have a sponsor on here?",0,survey,1,,Mcoyle777,1,0,17,2020-01-09 16:49:40,OpiatesRecovery,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 emlzl4,NSFW [trigger warning] Abused in my sleep,1b,help-seeking,2,"this event keeps replaying in my head and i need a place to let it out.. i let a couple into my home to stay there for 2 weeks while in the process of moving (this is it’s own story.. but they ended up staying for a month and would’ve been longer but i kicked them out.) the first time, the guy in the couple had been very flirtatious with me and i brushed it off. i shouldn’t have. i woke up to him in the middle of the night removing the covers from my bed very slowly. i told him to get out and pulled the covers back on and turned over. he stood still, hoping i would instantly fall back asleep and waited about 30 seconds before trying to remove the covers again. i jumped up and shoved him out of my room. i felt ashamed. i didn’t know if i should tell the girlfriend. i didn’t know what to do. i kept this to myself but did not speak to him anymore. the next time it happened, i am unsure because i did not wake up for it. i had a couple glasses of wine, i think he took advantage of that and was successful in raping me in my sleep. i woke up with my underwear on the ground and was bleeding badly (not on my period). i confronted him about it the next night and he brushed it off like i was crazy and was “probably just horny and fingered myself in my sleep.” i believed him. i did not say anything to anyone. the next time it happened was similar to the first except i had had enough and yelled at him. it was around 4am, i started yelling and made them leave within the hour. i had to explain what happened to the girlfriend and she took the boyfriends side that i was lying and none of it happened. i was in shock when she said this. i feel ashamed of myself for letting this go on so long. my brother continued to talk about the guy because they would play video games together and it kept making me think about what he had done. i had to explain to my brother what happened which was extremely uncomfortable but he was so amazing and supportive and didn’t speak to or about him anymore. i have troubles sleeping now because of it. i can’t sleep more than a couple hours without jolting awake and scanning the room.",IrateAWING,1,0,2,2020-01-10 04:41:59,ptsd,"this event keeps replaying in my head and i need a place to let it out.. i let a couple into my home to stay there for 2 weeks while in the process of moving (this is it’s own story.. but they ended up staying for a month and would’ve been longer but i kicked them out.) the first time, the guy in the couple had been very flirtatious with me and i brushed it off. i shouldn’t have. i woke up to him in the middle of the night removing the covers from my bed very slowly. i told him to get out and pulled the covers back on and turned over. he stood still, hoping i would instantly fall back asleep and waited about 30 seconds before trying to remove the covers again. i jumped up and shoved him out of my room. i felt ashamed. i didn’t know if i should tell the girlfriend. i didn’t know what to do. i kept this to myself but did not speak to him anymore. the next time it happened, i am unsure because i did not wake up for it. i had a couple glasses of wine, i think he took advantage of that and was successful in raping me in my sleep. i woke up with my underwear on the ground and was bleeding badly (not on my period). i confronted him about it the next night and he brushed it off like i was crazy and was “probably just horny and fingered myself in my sleep.” i believed him. i did not say anything to anyone. the next time it happened was similar to the first except i had had enough and yelled at him. it was around 4am, i started yelling and made them leave within the hour. i had to explain what happened to the girlfriend and she took the boyfriends side that i was lying and none of it happened. i was in shock when she said this. i feel ashamed of myself for letting this go on so long. my brother continued to talk about the guy because they would play video games together and it kept making me think about what he had done. i had to explain to my brother what happened which was extremely uncomfortable but he was so amazing and supportive and didn’t speak to or about him anymore. i have troubles sleeping now because of it. i can’t sleep more than a couple hours without jolting awake and scanning the room.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ekfmca,How to not fuck up a friendship?,1a,rant,1,"Yay me for having an anxious, depressed brain! Finding and making friends is def tough, I still yearn to make some don't get me wrong, but I feel like every time I do and try I fuck up royally. I started a new job a few months ago and I started talking to someone with similar interests to me, we've hung out and chilled after work and shoot the shit but I still feel like I'm fucking up or that people are being ""nice"" because they either feel bad for me or they can't bear to tell me how much they hate me idfk. I should also mention said friend is also an anxious sad boi like me so maybe that's part of it, I really just want a person to chill n relax n just talk with, ya know? My brain is just constantly though like ""you've fucked up/they hate you stop trying"" etc etc",EhManana,1,0,0,2020-01-05 17:01:45,socialanxiety,"Yay me for having an anxious, depressed brain! Finding and making friends is def tough, I still yearn to make some don't get me wrong, but I feel like every time I do and try I fuck up royally. I started a new job a few months ago and I started talking to someone with similar interests to me, we've hung out and chilled after work and shoot the shit but I still feel like I'm fucking up or that people are being ""nice"" because they either feel bad for me or they can't bear to tell me how much they hate me idfk. I should also mention said friend is also an anxious sad boi like me so maybe that's part of it. I really just want a person to chill n relax n just talk with, ya know? My brain is just constantly though like ""you've fucked up/they hate you stop trying"" etc etc",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eiim13,"I’m a freshman high school, and I’m pretty social when I’m in school, but I don’t hang out with anyone outside of school",1a,help-seeking,1,"In my school, I talk with a lot of people during the day (even the popular kids) but I’m still lonely outside of school and I don’t know why. There are some people I want to hang out with, but I never want to ask them for some weird reason. Any advice?",Gudetama100,1,0,3,2020-01-01 14:01:33,socialanxiety,"In my school, I talk with a lot of people during the day (even the popular kids) but I’m still lonely outside of school and I don’t know why. There are some people I want to hang out with, but I never want to ask them for some weird reason. Any advice?",1,0,1,Can you elaborate more on X ?,the weird reason you don't hang out with friends,How did X make you feel?,not talking to people,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you overcome the loneliness,,True,101 en7cu2,How screwed am I?,1a,help-seeking,2,"Hey Ya’ll. Long time lurker first time poster! Yesterday was 10 days clean off a couple year ~100mg of Hydro/Oxy a day habit. I used 30mg of Oxy last night around 5pm. It was dumb and I regret it. It kind of made me realize why I am done with opiates in the first place. Something was different about this kick I thought. But here I am this morning. My question to you guys is how screwed am I in terms of my withdrawal timeline? How far do you think I set myself back? I was still experiencing some decent anxiety throughout the day and issues with sleep and the lack of energy that comes along with that. Do you think I can say I am just redoing day 10 and keep it moving? Or do I need to restart the clock? I regret using and for the most part since day 5 I haven’t even considered it but of course something negative in life happened and I said screw it. This is after on day 9 something even worse happened and I didn’t use and felt so proud of myself. So stupid to potentially throw away 10 days...",Chemical-Promotion,1,0,21,2020-01-11 13:23:34,OpiatesRecovery,Hey Ya’ll. Long time lurker first time poster! Yesterday was 10 days clean off a couple year ~100mg of Hydro/Oxy a day habit. I used 30mg of Oxy last night around 5pm. It was dumb and I regret it. It kind of made me realize why I am done with opiates in the first place. Something was different about this kick I thought. But here I am this morning. My question to you guys is how screwed am I in terms of my withdrawal timeline? How far do you think I set myself back? I was still experiencing some decent anxiety throughout the day and issues with sleep and the lack of energy that comes along with that. Do you think I can say I am just redoing day 10 and keep it moving? Or do I need to restart the clock? I regret using and for the most part since day 5 I haven’t even considered it but of course something negative in life happened and I said screw it. This is after on day 9 something even worse happened and I didn’t use and felt so proud of myself. So stupid to potentially throw away 10 days...,2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ej71du,Want to get off meds?,0,chitchat,1," Yes, I’m not on any medication any longer. I am also not having therapy any longer. When I say this, I don’t say it lightly. I worked my butt off to get where I am currently. Some people do need both or either or. Sometimes it’s just how it has to be. But I worked hard to get off of both, and here’s my experience. -Regularly do things you enjoy doing. (I enjoy art, and nature. Singing, and creating jewelry for people.) -Have open communication with both your counselor/therapist and Psychiatrist. (Them knowing you’re progress and how you TRULY feel is key.) -Learn healthy coping mechanisms. (When I have a PTSD episode, I go outside and breath. If I can’t do that I draw.)",GoldenAutumns,1,0,5,2020-01-03 00:21:13,mentalillness," Yes, I’m not on any medication any longer. I am also not having therapy any longer. When I say this, I don’t say it lightly. I worked my butt off to get where I am currently. Some people do need both or either or. Sometimes it’s just how it has to be. But I worked hard to get off of both, and here’s my experience. -Regularly do things you enjoy doing. (I enjoy art, and nature. Singing, and creating jewelry for people.) -Have open communication with both your counselor/therapist and Psychiatrist. (Them knowing you’re progress and how you TRULY feel is key.) -Learn healthy coping mechanisms. (When I have a PTSD episode, I go outside and breath. If I can’t do that I draw.)",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 eittpp,How should i care for fat cuts?,0,help-seeking,1,I should start properly taking care of my cuts. I usually don’t even bother to bandage anything and just put on some pant or a hoodie while everything is healing,ronja_adele,1,0,1,2020-01-02 05:16:19,selfharm,How should i care for fat cuts? I should start properly taking care of my cuts. I usually don’t even bother to bandage anything and just put on some pant or a hoodie while everything is healing,1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you cut yourself,How did X make you feel?,not taking care of your cuts,,,,True,102 eol7ef,I want to talk privately with someone I dont know,1a,rant,1,Im a 28 year old and I fear I'll die this year if I don't get clean.,humanistdigitalnomad,1,0,5,2020-01-14 13:23:26,addiction,Im a 28 year old and I fear I'll die this year if I don't get clean.,0,2,0,What made you feel X ?,that you would die,,,What can help you overcome X ?,your fear of dying this year,,True,020 em80ig,Problems with comparing to other people,1b,help-seeking,1,"Hey there, Im not sure uf this is the right place to post this (if not please redirect me thanks in advance). Someone I know has really big problems with comparing themselfs to other people (leads to her not leaving the house, or not doing stuff with friends) and it is going on since a really long time (5 years). But always with ups and downs. I really dont know how I could help that person. Maybe someone here has experienced something similar or is currently. Do you have any advice for her or tipps for me on how to handle this situation. Thanks for any advice or help (Sorry for the english)",to_misha,1,0,9,2020-01-09 10:47:49,selfhelp,"Hey there, Im not sure uf this is the right place to post this (if not please redirect me thanks in advance). Someone I know has really big problems with comparing themselfs to other people (leads to her not leaving the house, or not doing stuff with friends) and it is going on since a really long time (5 years). But always with ups and downs. I really dont know how I could help that person. Maybe someone here has experienced something similar or is currently. Do you have any advice for her or tipps for me on how to handle this situation. Thanks for any advice or help (Sorry for the english)",2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,their problem of comparing to others,,,,True,202 ej0j79,1 Year old today,0,chitchat,1,"I have no words for the gratitude, pride AND humility I woke up with this morning. With the love of my family, my sober sisters and brothers and working this LIFE CHANGING program I have strung 365 days in a row. I remember every night. I wake up every morning, no hangover. No apologetic ramblings for things I don't remember doing. No tears of shame shed by my children. A special shout out to this subreddit as well. I keep lots of tools to help me with my sobriety and this is absolutely one of them. You don't know who you are impacting, but I am one of them. Here's to living one day at a time!",YoniMaven,1,0,16,2020-01-02 16:41:18,alcoholicsanonymous,"I have no words for the gratitude, pride AND humility I woke up with this morning. With the love of my family, my sober sisters and brothers and working this LIFE CHANGING program I have strung 365 days in a row. I remember every night. I wake up every morning, no hangover. No apologetic ramblings for things I don't remember doing. No tears of shame shed by my children. A special shout out to this subreddit as well. I keep lots of tools to help me with my sobriety and this is absolutely one of them. You don't know who you are impacting, but I am one of them. Here's to living one day at a time!",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 eiy7oz,Suicidal ideation and ADHD,0,survey,1,"I have had my fair share of suicidal ideation like every other depressed person, but I feel like my ADHD is what saves me every time. For example if I get in a downward spiral and I get stuck in that dark place I start thinking about doing it then all the sudden I start on a new process that gets me out like I get distracted out of my own misery. I also sometimes just fall asleep while I’m in the dark place and wake up as if it never happened. So my question is have any of y’all with depression and ADHD or ADD distract yourself from your own self?",GurlLeigh,1,0,16,2020-01-02 13:26:30,ADHD,"I have had my fair share of suicidal ideation like every other depressed person, but I feel like my ADHD is what saves me every time. For example if I get in a downward spiral and I get stuck in that dark place I start thinking about doing it then all the sudden I start on a new process that gets me out like I get distracted out of my own misery. I also sometimes just fall asleep while I’m in the dark place and wake up as if it never happened. So my question is have any of y’all with depression and ADHD or ADD distract yourself from your own self?",2,0,2,,,,,,,,True,202 eprp6i,How to continue a relationship with a mentally ill father?,1b,help-seeking,3,"Hello, My first time posting or reading this sub. I (30M) have a long rocky relationship with my father (64), who for the better part of my adult life has battled severe depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, and bipolar. This long history has involved things such as being kicked out when I was 18, bombarded with vicious insults, and threatened with death (his suicide and my murder). My father had a long fall from the 'top'. In the '80s-'90s, he was a very successful businessman working in oil and gas and built quite the life for himself and my family. Shortly after, in the early '90s, my parents divorced and he became depressed. This was in the hay day of anti-depressant remedying and he was quickly given this solution. Well in the mid-'00s, he decided to retire early (in his 50s) with his wealth. But right around this same time, he started to show signs of bipolar and personality disorder, irrational decisions, mood swings, anger, suicidal thoughts, and extreme highs of positivity and divinity (which was weird because he is an atheist at heart). Our relationship began to crumble as he started to go through this huge mood swings. He would bombard me with emails and texts about anything under the sun, most of which was aimed at how horrible my mother or I was. He would push me away, but then have the inevitable mood swing which would bring him back down and he would be severely depressed, which led to his attempted suicide around 2009. This did bring me closer to him as I wanted to support him and be there for him. He has almost no social network due to the peaks and lows of his illness. Shortly after this time, it was discovered that he had for years been irrationally burning through his money. Poor investments, trips, eating out, and even hiring escorts to spend time with him. I found out that he actually had several 'girlfriends' that he just paid to be with him. The moral of the story is that he was running out his retirement funds and he was only in his late 50s. This added stress of possibly running out of money started to add to his stress and anxiety, which increased the severity of his illnesses and outbursts. It was a vicious cycle of being belittled and torn apart by his words, but then pulled back in by his threats of suicide. Then last year, it all blew up when my mother and he had an argument. He erupted as I had never seen before. In which my mother took out a court-ordered restraining order against him, I was in favour of these decisions, because anytime they had contact in the past it ended horribly. But my father found this horribly offensive, He began threatening to drive to where ever she was and murder her, then he threatened me. I quickly alerted the authorities, he then had a standoff with authorities at his house (not with a weapon), it appeared he was attempting to get the police to kill him though. Eventually, he was arrested and charged. He ended up serving a month or two in jail, and they had a no-contact order with my mother and I for a year. Well here we are, the order ended in the summer and we are attempting to rebuild our relationship. But it's horrible. I do not know where to draw the line between the illness and my father. I almost have no desire to see, talk to, or spend time with my father after about 12 years of various verbal and emotional abuse. But, he constantly holds suicide and depression over my head. I feel like I cannot abandon him, he has no friends, a criminal record, and is running out of money. He has exhausted or burned bridges with many social resources. When we spend time together he just tells me how he is so depressed, hates humanity, wants to die before he runs out of money, and how he will be homeless in a few years. I have no desire to spend time with him and often makeup excuses to avoid spending time with him. I do not know what to do or continue doing. I feel like I hate my father. Or do I hate the illness? But at what point is his illness no longer an excuse for his actions. He will often text or say something horrible, then follow up the next day with ""I am sick, it is my illness, you cannot hold that against me"". I tried to make boundaries and told him not to text me about his threats of suicide and to call our local crisis helpline, in which he says he does not want to spill his guts and problems to strangers. I apologize that this was a long story. I ranted a bit, but it honestly feels good to share. None of the people in my social network (other than my partner) know what I am going through with my father. Many of my friends often ask, ""oh hey hows your dad?"", in which I often reply ""pretty good, same old"". Does anyone else have some suggestions on what steps to take? or whether I should walk away from this relationship? I do not know if I want to continue to try anymore. Thanks. TL;DR : My father is mentally ill and often uses it as an excuse for his actions. Where does the line fall between him needing to take responsibility for his actions and his mental illness? He constantly pushes me away and then brings me back with threats of suicide. And I may hate him for it and want to end our relationship for good. Has anyone else had experiences like this? Am I being selfish?",bjobin4,1,0,0,2020-01-16 23:32:16,mentalillness,"Hello, My first time posting or reading this sub. I (30M) have a long rocky relationship with my father (64), who for the better part of my adult life has battled severe depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, and bipolar. This long history has involved things such as being kicked out when I was 18, bombarded with vicious insults, and threatened with death (his suicide and my murder). My father had a long fall from the 'top'. In the '80s-'90s, he was a very successful businessman working in oil and gas and built quite the life for himself and my family. Shortly after, in the early '90s, my parents divorced and he became depressed. This was in the hay day of anti-depressant remedying and he was quickly given this solution. Well in the mid-'00s, he decided to retire early (in his 50s) with his wealth. But right around this same time, he started to show signs of bipolar and personality disorder, irrational decisions, mood swings, anger, suicidal thoughts, and extreme highs of positivity and divinity (which was weird because he is an atheist at heart). Our relationship began to crumble as he started to go through this huge mood swings. He would bombard me with emails and texts about anything under the sun, most of which was aimed at how horrible my mother or I was. He would push me away, but then have the inevitable mood swing which would bring him back down and he would be severely depressed, which led to his attempted suicide around 2009. This did bring me closer to him as I wanted to support him and be there for him. He has almost no social network due to the peaks and lows of his illness. Shortly after this time, it was discovered that he had for years been irrationally burning through his money. Poor investments, trips, eating out, and even hiring escorts to spend time with him. I found out that he actually had several 'girlfriends' that he just paid to be with him. The moral of the story is that he was running out his retirement funds and he was only in his late 50s. This added stress of possibly running out of money started to add to his stress and anxiety, which increased the severity of his illnesses and outbursts. It was a vicious cycle of being belittled and torn apart by his words, but then pulled back in by his threats of suicide. Then last year, it all blew up when my mother and he had an argument. He erupted as I had never seen before. In which my mother took out a court-ordered restraining order against him, I was in favour of these decisions, because anytime they had contact in the past it ended horribly. But my father found this horribly offensive, He began threatening to drive to where ever she was and murder her, then he threatened me. I quickly alerted the authorities, he then had a standoff with authorities at his house (not with a weapon), it appeared he was attempting to get the police to kill him though. Eventually, he was arrested and charged. He ended up serving a month or two in jail, and they had a no-contact order with my mother and I for a year. Well here we are, the order ended in the summer and we are attempting to rebuild our relationship. But it's horrible. I do not know where to draw the line between the illness and my father. I almost have no desire to see, talk to, or spend time with my father after about 12 years of various verbal and emotional abuse. But, he constantly holds suicide and depression over my head. I feel like I cannot abandon him, he has no friends, a criminal record, and is running out of money. He has exhausted or burned bridges with many social resources. When we spend time together he just tells me how he is so depressed, hates humanity, wants to die before he runs out of money, and how he will be homeless in a few years. I have no desire to spend time with him and often makeup excuses to avoid spending time with him. I do not know what to do or continue doing. I feel like I hate my father. Or do I hate the illness? But at what point is his illness no longer an excuse for his actions. He will often text or say something horrible, then follow up the next day with ""I am sick, it is my illness, you cannot hold that against me"". I tried to make boundaries and told him not to text me about his threats of suicide and to call our local crisis helpline, in which he says he does not want to spill his guts and problems to strangers. I apologize that this was a long story. I ranted a bit, but it honestly feels good to share. None of the people in my social network (other than my partner) know what I am going through with my father. Many of my friends often ask, ""oh hey hows your dad?"", in which I often reply ""pretty good, same old"". Does anyone else have some suggestions on what steps to take? or whether I should walk away from this relationship? I do not know if I want to continue to try anymore. Thanks. TL;DR : My father is mentally ill and often uses it as an excuse for his actions. Where does the line fall between him needing to take responsibility for his actions and his mental illness? He constantly pushes me away and then brings me back with threats of suicide. And I may hate him for it and want to end our relationship for good. Has anyone else had experiences like this? Am I being selfish?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 f4j9cq,If you're being stalked and need to find a job but your ex is intertwined with all of your past jobs,0,help-seeking,1,"What is the best approach to dealing with finding new employment in a new city? If one cannot use their old references, what can they do, especially if there are no DV shelters in the area. Throwaway account. Don't want this connected to me.",temporary111111,1,0,0,2020-02-16 01:24:15,domesticviolence,"If you're being stalked and need to find a job but your ex is intertwined with all of your past jobs What is the best approach to dealing with finding new employment in a new city? If one cannot use their old references, what can they do, especially if there are no DV shelters in the area. Throwaway account. Don't want this connected to me.",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,your ex stalking you,,,,True,202 ejky0y,Sometimes anxiety feels like you are safe inside a pokeball then out of no where you r released into the world and sum1 yells USE ADULTING and i can only do like .01 damage,0,rant,1,Squirtle is the best tho.,ashhtreeee,94,0,15,2020-01-03 20:10:13,mentalillness, Squirtle is the best tho.,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what causes you anxiety,How did X make you feel?,anxiety,What do you need help with now that X?,you have anxiety issues,,True,100 ev0v17,My story (rape/SA) trigger warning,1a,help-seeking,2,"Ok so I don’t know exactly how to write this out. Sharing my story is really weird and hard for me. I still have days where I wonder if it really happened. I have days where I blame myself. I also have days where I’m fully able to process what happened and then I fall off the wagon mentally and take a while to return to my normal self. My story all started on the date of November 2, 2018. I had been getting messages from a previous coworker I had been acquaintances with for about a year. He was an average, 31 year old, African American, tatted, chill dude. I always thought he was cool just from the way he was. I knew his girlfriend and I was always really attracted to her. Let me remind you, I was 19 at the time. Anyway, he was messaging me, asking when we could chill. I used to hang out with a lot of people his age from the same place we worked at so I thought nothing of it. After reading the message, I put some thought into it. What could go wrong??? He’s cool, I’ll invite a friend with me, we’ll vibe, and then that’ll be it..... Boy, I was so wrong...... So me and my friend (my best friends boyfriend) tagged along to his place. The guy (we’ll call him Bryce) had a whole bottle of some dark liquor. We all drank together. Me and my friend were drunk, but not overly intoxicated. Just drunk enough to feel good but still be able to control ourselves. All the sudden I got really fucked up and everything got blurry. I didn’t remember much of what happened later that night. I remember my friend was out of sight, Bryce had carried me into his room, my pants were off, and then he was having sex with me. I recall some other stuff happening like me saying no. It was over soon. I don’t remember falling asleep. November 3, 2018 This was the most traumatizing thing I’d ever gone through in my life. I woke up the next morning and Bryce was touching me. I kept repeating “no” and that I “just wanted to sleep” over and over again. He didn’t stop and I started to panic. I moved away from him and I felt temporarily safe but I was frozen. I could not move at all. About 2 minutes later he put his dick in me and started having sex with me. I dissociated really bad. I remember saying “no” a lot but quietly. I couldn’t fight or scream or move at all. It was over after what felt like eternity but was probably only 10 mins. When he was done he told me that I told him to do that the night before and that I wanted it. I’m still in shock. I can’t process any of this. If anyone can please help me understand this...pls. I’m at such a loss. It was traumatic but I feel like it was all my fault.",speghetti_confetti,1,0,1,2020-01-28 04:58:15,rapecounseling,"Ok so I don’t know exactly how to write this out. Sharing my story is really weird and hard for me. I still have days where I wonder if it really happened. I have days where I blame myself. I also have days where I’m fully able to process what happened and then I fall off the wagon mentally and take a while to return to my normal self. My story all started on the date of November 2, 2018. I had been getting messages from a previous coworker I had been acquaintances with for about a year. He was an average, 31 year old, African American, tatted, chill dude. I always thought he was cool just from the way he was. I knew his girlfriend and I was always really attracted to her. Let me remind you, I was 19 at the time. Anyway, he was messaging me, asking when we could chill. I used to hang out with a lot of people his age from the same place we worked at so I thought nothing of it. After reading the message, I put some thought into it. What could go wrong??? He’s cool, I’ll invite a friend with me, we’ll vibe, and then that’ll be it..... Boy, I was so wrong...... So me and my friend (my best friends boyfriend) tagged along to his place. The guy (we’ll call him Bryce) had a whole bottle of some dark liquor. We all drank together. Me and my friend were drunk, but not overly intoxicated. Just drunk enough to feel good but still be able to control ourselves. All the sudden I got really fucked up and everything got blurry. I didn’t remember much of what happened later that night. I remember my friend was out of sight, Bryce had carried me into his room, my pants were off, and then he was having sex with me. I recall some other stuff happening like me saying no. It was over soon. I don’t remember falling asleep. November 3, 2018 This was the most traumatizing thing I’d ever gone through in my life. I woke up the next morning and Bryce was touching me. I kept repeating “no” and that I “just wanted to sleep” over and over again. He didn’t stop and I started to panic. I moved away from him and I felt temporarily safe but I was frozen. I could not move at all. About 2 minutes later he put his dick in me and started having sex with me. I dissociated really bad. I remember saying “no” a lot but quietly. I couldn’t fight or scream or move at all. It was over after what felt like eternity but was probably only 10 mins. When he was done he told me that I told him to do that the night before and that I wanted it. I’m still in shock. I can’t process any of this. If anyone can please help me understand this...pls. I’m at such a loss. It was traumatic but I feel like it was all my fault.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 f0sg12,lewis ham,1b,help-seeking,1,i was lured and raped by a 20 year old scouse man called lewis ham it has mentally scared me in life and i honestly don’t know what to do anymore i am afraid to go out and scared everyday of my life what shall i do :(,aystizzy,1,0,2,2020-02-08 14:43:50,rapecounseling,i was lured and raped by a 20 year old scouse man called lewis ham it has mentally scared me in life and i honestly don’t know what to do anymore. i am afraid to go out and scared everyday of my life what shall i do :(,2,2,0,,,,,What can help you overcome X ?,the feeling of being scared everyday,,True,220 eji2q7,Not sure where to go from here,1a,rant,2,"Hey, am on mobile so sorry for format. Last night I had a breakdown, drank too much too quick on an empty stomach while I was at a friends. 3 other people involved, M, L and P. L ended up calling the police to escort me home while P had to restrain me and I wasnt having it I just wanted to hurt myself and I cant risk doing anything now I'm back at home. I honestly dont know what M was doing but I know at one point he was crying. I hadn't drank enough to forget and I remember everything that happened yesterday. And I hate myself. I hate the fact I dont like being sober, but my mums taking away christmas money so i cant get people to buy me anything, even though i said i took it from home. Still took a tenner out of it in case i need to buy a new * because my old ones starting to get dull and im so scared that I'll need a new one but L was the person who I asked and they probably won't let me get anything like that so I dont know what to do. I'm working with cahms but it hasn't helped, I've been referred around so much for the past 3 years and I cant do it anymore. I said I didnt want to die but I dont want to live either. And I'm so scared I've ruined my friendships, these people have saved my life more than once even before now and goddamn if I lose any of them I'm so fucked. And I dont know if they use this sub because my user is the same on everything for convenience sake. If you do see this, please ignore it. Please don't make it worse on yourselves. My mum said she's going to stop me from seeing them on Thursdays for a while but she doesn't understand that it's not them, and being around them helps. I would have gotten drunk anyway and if I was at home I would be dead by now. And we have a youth group and she said she might stop me from that for a while, and I had to tell my boyfriend what happened because he needs to know, he gets so worried about me drinking. And I came out to my mum as non binary because I couldn't stand hearing my old name or she/her it makes me feel physically sick and I'm so sorry for wasting police time on me I'm a waste of space who doesn't deserve the help I'm getting I just want it all to stop please existing hurts too much and I just need it to stop.",lallyalley,26,0,9,2020-01-03 16:52:17,selfharm,"Hey, am on mobile so sorry for format. Last night I had a breakdown, drank too much too quick on an empty stomach while I was at a friends. 3 other people involved, M, L and P. L ended up calling the police to escort me home while P had to restrain me and I wasnt having it I just wanted to hurt myself and I cant risk doing anything now I'm back at home. I honestly dont know what M was doing but I know at one point he was crying. I hadn't drank enough to forget and I remember everything that happened yesterday. And I hate myself. I hate the fact I dont like being sober, but my mums taking away christmas money so i cant get people to buy me anything, even though i said i took it from home. Still took a tenner out of it in case i need to buy a new * because my old ones starting to get dull and im so scared that I'll need a new one but L was the person who I asked and they probably won't let me get anything like that so I dont know what to do. I'm working with cahms but it hasn't helped, I've been referred around so much for the past 3 years and I cant do it anymore. I said I didnt want to die but I dont want to live either. And I'm so scared I've ruined my friendships, these people have saved my life more than once even before now and goddamn if I lose any of them I'm so fucked. And I dont know if they use this sub because my user is the same on everything for convenience sake. If you do see this, please ignore it. Please don't make it worse on yourselves. My mum said she's going to stop me from seeing them on Thursdays for a while but she doesn't understand that it's not them, and being around them helps. I would have gotten drunk anyway and if I was at home I would be dead by now. And we have a youth group and she said she might stop me from that for a while, and I had to tell my boyfriend what happened because he needs to know, he gets so worried about me drinking. And I came out to my mum as non binary because I couldn't stand hearing my old name or she/her it makes me feel physically sick and I'm so sorry for wasting police time on me I'm a waste of space who doesn't deserve the help I'm getting I just want it all to stop please existing hurts too much and I just need it to stop.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel scared that you ruined your friendships,,True,220 fp6un9,Is it healthy to be abt a relationship back rather than get over it?,0,help-seeking,1,"I think she still loves me. I definitely still love her. I don’t how to talk about it with her though, but we did break up hoping we’d be able to get back together someday. So do you think it a healthy to want them back? Or am I supposed to move on?",EkmecC,1,0,3,2020-03-26 06:46:54,getting_over_it,"Is it healthy to be abt a relationship back rather than get over it? I think she still loves me. I definitely still love her. I don’t how to talk about it with her though, but we did break up hoping we’d be able to get back together someday. So do you think it a healthy to want them back? Or am I supposed to move on?",1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,relationship,How did X make you feel?,the breakup,,,,True,102 el7nb4,I feel like a terrible person,1b,rant,2,"My boyfriend is going though a lot at the moment. DCFS is involved with his household because he had a breakdown and tried to kill myself last year. (He’s a lot better now and is using different coping mechanisms) His aunt is in a car crash and she might not pull though. He needs me to be there for him and we talk 24/7 because he’s everything to me and my brain is constantly worried about him. My parents and I aren’t on the best terms right now either. The worse part about living at home is you can’t escape when they yell at me. My mom and I got into a fight because I maxed out my absences days at school (I have chronic migraine and it gets to be a lot for me). She pretty accused me of skipping for no reason and I tried to explain to her what’s been happening and she wouldn’t listen to me. My mom pretty much said if I miss anymore days she’s taking my phone. My migraines are getting worse. I’ve been having migraines for over a year. I tried to manage them last year but they ended up getting really bad this year. I keep getting sent home from school because I can’t function with the amount of noise and movement. A very scary new thing has appeared and my eyes will now roll back and move without me trying. It hurts so much. My anxiety and depression levels have also been up and I’m always super paranoid and on edge around people. I’m always so depressed and alone. I don’t want to annoy people with my problems, but then people think I’m super happy and think it’s okay to dump their problems on me and then I end up panicking and losing it for a bit. Plus now I’m getting sick. Last time I was sick I just stayed in bed for days on end and cried because I felt so weak and I hate being a baby. Yeah I’m pretty much just barely holding it together. I’m really only keeping it together for my boyfriend because I know the last thing he needs right now is for me to be upset too.",ewwhoisluke,1,0,3,2020-01-07 06:27:38,mentalillness,"My boyfriend is going though a lot at the moment. DCFS is involved with his household because he had a breakdown and tried to kill myself last year. (He’s a lot better now and is using different coping mechanisms) His aunt is in a car crash and she might not pull though. He needs me to be there for him and we talk 24/7 because he’s everything to me and my brain is constantly worried about him. My parents and I aren’t on the best terms right now either. The worse part about living at home is you can’t escape when they yell at me. My mom and I got into a fight because I maxed out my absences days at school (I have chronic migraine and it gets to be a lot for me). She pretty accused me of skipping for no reason and I tried to explain to her what’s been happening and she wouldn’t listen to me. My mom pretty much said if I miss anymore days she’s taking my phone. My migraines are getting worse. I’ve been having migraines for over a year. I tried to manage them last year but they ended up getting really bad this year. I keep getting sent home from school because I can’t function with the amount of noise and movement. A very scary new thing has appeared and my eyes will now roll back and move without me trying. It hurts so much. My anxiety and depression levels have also been up and I’m always super paranoid and on edge around people. I’m always so depressed and alone. I don’t want to annoy people with my problems, but then people think I’m super happy and think it’s okay to dump their problems on me and then I end up panicking and losing it for a bit. Plus now I’m getting sick. Last time I was sick I just stayed in bed for days on end and cried because I felt so weak and I hate being a baby. Yeah I’m pretty much just barely holding it together. I’m really only keeping it together for my boyfriend because I know the last thing he needs right now is for me to be upset too.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel so sick and barely holding yourself together,,True,220 ei9jgo,In a dark place,1b,rant,1,I don't know. I just feel sad. I think it's about my dad. I got my depression and anxiety from him but lately he has taken a turn for the worst. He has called in sick at least 3 times and has gone home early a lot too. He won't do anything but sit on the couch and watch TV. I know if he tells his work what is going on he will be fired. I think all he needs to do is change his medicine up. But he is as stubborn as me. He won't see a therapist like me or change his medication until he REALLY has to. But now he really has to and he won't. He doesn't have the motivation to. He hasn't been sleeping and is loosing his mind. I am honestly scared he will commit suicide. And now he is making me worried and sad because he won't take any help I offer him. I don't know what to do. And I sure as hell don't want to loose my dad at age 13.,DragonCat_04,1,0,0,2019-12-31 22:02:30,depression,I don't know. I just feel sad. I think it's about my dad. I got my depression and anxiety from him but lately he has taken a turn for the worst. He has called in sick at least 3 times and has gone home early a lot too. He won't do anything but sit on the couch and watch TV. I know if he tells his work what is going on he will be fired. I think all he needs to do is change his medicine up. But he is as stubborn as me. He won't see a therapist like me or change his medication until he REALLY has to. But now he really has to and he won't. He doesn't have the motivation to. He hasn't been sleeping and is loosing his mind. I am honestly scared he will commit suicide. And now he is making me worried and sad because he won't take any help I offer him. I don't know what to do. And I sure as hell don't want to loose my dad at age 13.,2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel your dad's condition is deteriorating,,True,220 ejpvj3,"Found A Note On My Desk, No Clue Which Coworker Gave this to Me",0,rant,1,,RJ7300,58,0,9,2020-01-04 02:06:55,mentalillness,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 el6ose,What are the ways you've been able to get through to someone in denial of they're alcoholism? Or how did someone (maybe yourself) get through ?,1b,survey,1,"Feel like I've tried all the blunt and gentle ways of telling my spouse of 10+ years his drinking has got out of hand. He has deep sh*t he never worked out from the last few years (partially my fault) and just life, but he's completely closed off his emotions from everyone. Looking for advice on the types of things to focus on in conversation (I know not to fight it when he's already been drinking), and actions to take. Thanks!",ladyinred_88,1,0,17,2020-01-07 05:02:27,alcoholicsanonymous,"What are the ways you've been able to get through to someone in denial of they're alcoholism? Or how did someone (maybe yourself) get through ? Feel like I've tried all the blunt and gentle ways of telling my spouse of 10+ years his drinking has got out of hand. He has deep sh*t he never worked out from the last few years (partially my fault) and just life, but he's completely closed off his emotions from everyone. Looking for advice on the types of things to focus on in conversation (I know not to fight it when he's already been drinking), and actions to take. Thanks!",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,your spouse's alcohol addiction,,,,True,202 eprazt,What should I expect for my first ever therapy session ???,0,help-seeking,1,"Hi all, I'm twenty years old and have decided to go to therapy for the first time. I have been dealing with anxiety for several years, and I have also been dealing with the suicide of my uncle, which is the main thing leading me to do this. I am extremely nervous about it. I'm afraid of opening up. I already know I'm going to be a crying and shaking mess which I'm not looking forward to. I was wondering if anyone could let me know what to expect/ give me some advice. Thank you in advance!",shoobiegirl,1,0,7,2020-01-16 23:03:59,mentalillness,"Hi all, I'm twenty years old and have decided to go to therapy for the first time. I have been dealing with anxiety for several years, and I have also been dealing with the suicide of my uncle, which is the main thing leading me to do this. I am extremely nervous about it. I'm afraid of opening up. I already know I'm going to be a crying and shaking mess which I'm not looking forward to. I was wondering if anyone could let me know what to expect/ give me some advice. Thank you in advance!",2,1,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about therapy session,,,,True,212 ezmaqv,Which meds are best for emotional numbness/ anhedonia?,0,help-seeking,1,,PersonaTheGuise,1,0,0,2020-02-06 03:48:33,getting_over_it,Which meds are best for emotional numbness/ anhedonia? nan,0,0,2,What happened that you want X ?,medicines for anhedonia,Why are you wanting X ?,medicines for emotional numbness,,,,True,002 ei91ff,ADHD Data analyst here- has anyone run across a good stats site for ADD/ADHD metrics?,0,survey,1,"Really curious to know what % of medicated ADD patients take which ADD drug I.e. 50% adderall, 20% vyvanse, 10% Ritalin, 10% concerta, 5% Wellbutrin 5% strattera",staceturn,1,0,1,2019-12-31 21:21:55,ADHD,"Really curious to know what % of medicated ADD patients take which ADD drug I.e. 50% adderall, 20% vyvanse, 10% Ritalin, 10% concerta, 5% Wellbutrin 5% strattera",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 em6flv,True,0,chitchat,3,,GifCaptioner,1,0,1,2020-01-09 07:34:38,mentalillness,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 et4fep,I think my friend might be a rapist,1b,help-seeking,1," I didn’t even think it was possible , he’s such a nice guy. I even believed him , well I guess I still sorta do. He told me about a 3 months ago that his girlfriend had accused him of rape. It was crazy when I heard that I was like ........ But then he explained that she was just lying, and that everything was consensual and she was just having one of her crazy episodes. I guess I believed him as I honestly just did not like this person. Recently I found that it was not as he said from someone else. I knew he had some weird tendencies, as once in middle school he masturbated in front of a sleeping girl, but I guess I figured that was something of the past. You know like an immature prank. I found out from another friend that , he was doing stuff to her while she had a seizure , and she was not able to move at all. When I heard this I was just shook, I thought there was no way he could do that. How am I supposed to look at him with a straight face anymore? One of my best friends for years, just gone like that? Not to mention how bad I feel about treating his girlfriend quite badly as well . Anyway yeah, I don’t know where I go from here.",Swedish_Wheet,1,0,1,2020-01-24 03:15:51,rapecounseling," I didn’t even think it was possible , he’s such a nice guy. I even believed him , well I guess I still sorta do. He told me about a 3 months ago that his girlfriend had accused him of rape. It was crazy when I heard that I was like ........ But then he explained that she was just lying, and that everything was consensual and she was just having one of her crazy episodes. I guess I believed him as I honestly just did not like this person. Recently I found that it was not as he said from someone else. I knew he had some weird tendencies, as once in middle school he masturbated in front of a sleeping girl, but I guess I figured that was something of the past. You know like an immature prank. I found out from another friend that , he was doing stuff to her while she had a seizure , and she was not able to move at all. When I heard this I was just shook, I thought there was no way he could do that. How am I supposed to look at him with a straight face anymore? One of my best friends for years, just gone like that? Not to mention how bad I feel about treating his girlfriend quite badly as well . Anyway yeah, I don’t know where I go from here.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eiq12d,Started cutting again...,1a,rant,1,"I'm so lost, so lonely, I can't even play video games that used to make me feel relaxed, a bit happy. I will never be the same again...",Anti-cancer,1,0,0,2020-01-02 00:01:06,selfharm,"Started cutting again... I'm so lost, so lonely, I can't even play video games that used to make me feel relaxed, a bit happy. I will never be the same again...",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you started cutting again,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel so lost and lonely,,True,120 eif42k,Having an attack at work,0,rant,1,Happy new year,justagirlnherdog,1,0,0,2020-01-01 06:26:46,Anxiety,Having an attack at work Happy new year,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what caused the attack,How did X make you feel?,the attack,What do you need help with now that X?,you had an attack at work,,True,100 eiqo3l,Please help! My son with ADHD has increasingly started negative self-talk and I don’t know what to do.,0,help-seeking,2,"I have a 5 year old son with very prominent ADHD. He is wonderful, sweet, and highly intelligent. Within the past month or so, but increasingly in the past week or two, he has begun calling himself names and criticizing himself. One scenario is when he can’t do something he is trying to do, he calls himself dumb or stupid. Another scenario is if he gets in trouble he will call himself a butthead or stupid. I once sent him to his room for hitting his sister and he started screaming that he was filthy. My husband and I hold him to high expectations and really try to teach and guide him as he navigates this world. We don’t call him names and certainly don’t tell him he is stupid. We have tried the following approaches: telling him he is very smart or just has a hard time listening and we are trying to help..... and we have also tried ignoring. Neither has proven to be very effective. So, anyone with ADHD experience this? What snaps you out of it? Any other parents of a kid with ADHD have any tips?",notanothersmith38,1,0,35,2020-01-02 00:52:02,ADHD,"I have a 5 year old son with very prominent ADHD. He is wonderful, sweet, and highly intelligent. Within the past month or so, but increasingly in the past week or two, he has begun calling himself names and criticizing himself. One scenario is when he can’t do something he is trying to do, he calls himself dumb or stupid. Another scenario is if he gets in trouble he will call himself a butthead or stupid. I once sent him to his room for hitting his sister and he started screaming that he was filthy. My husband and I hold him to high expectations and really try to teach and guide him as he navigates this world. We don’t call him names and certainly don’t tell him he is stupid. We have tried the following approaches: telling him he is very smart or just has a hard time listening and we are trying to help..... and we have also tried ignoring. Neither has proven to be very effective. So, anyone with ADHD experience this? What snaps you out of it? Any other parents of a kid with ADHD have any tips?",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,your son's adhd symptoms,,,,True,202 ej6ym9,aaaaa,1b,rant,1,"a girl knew how worried and insecure i am about cheating after a girl went behind my back a couple months ago. she reassured me multiple times on her own initiative that she would never ever do anything like that and i never had to worry. i actually felt safe and like she wanted to be around me and now i feel like an idiot. she just felt bad for me and didn’t know how to leave me. she left a party she was at with me because she was bored and wanted to get drunk. she told me she really liked me right before leaving. then she went and spent the night with someone she was head over heels for a month ago and kissed him in front of her apartment. she literally begged him to come up with her and fuck her. he had to say no more than once. i am worthless. even great, nice people can’t help but not care about me. i’ll never have it. i feel empty.",cookiefreak91,0,0,12,2020-01-03 00:15:35,socialanxiety,"a girl knew how worried and insecure i am about cheating after a girl went behind my back a couple months ago. she reassured me multiple times on her own initiative that she would never ever do anything like that and i never had to worry. i actually felt safe and like she wanted to be around me and now i feel like an idiot. she just felt bad for me and didn’t know how to leave me. she left a party she was at with me because she was bored and wanted to get drunk. she told me she really liked me right before leaving. then she went and spent the night with someone she was head over heels for a month ago and kissed him in front of her apartment. she literally begged him to come up with her and fuck her. he had to say no more than once. i am worthless. even great, nice people can’t help but not care about me. i’ll never have it. i feel empty.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,the incident made you insecure,,True,220 enpbv5,"17 days sober, 18 tonight!! Got into my first argument with a friend of mine, went to a friends house and didn’t like her getting angry and mean when she was drunk.",1b,rant,1,"It reminded me too much of when I was with my ex. Waiting for the moment when she would switch her personality and become mean. We talked it out and I told her that especially being new to sobriety and my past relationship, I don’t wanna be around that at all. I’m scared because I hope she doesn’t push me away, for wanting to drink. We do other things together like the beach, going out to eat, etc., but I still fear losing our friendship.",TreeDizzle86,1,0,7,2020-01-12 16:14:59,alcoholicsanonymous,"17 days sober, 18 tonight!! Got into my first argument with a friend of mine, went to a friends house and didn’t like her getting angry and mean when she was drunk. It reminded me too much of when I was with my ex. Waiting for the moment when she would switch her personality and become mean. We talked it out and I told her that especially being new to sobriety and my past relationship, I don’t wanna be around that at all. I’m scared because I hope she doesn’t push me away, for wanting to drink. We do other things together like the beach, going out to eat, etc., but I still fear losing our friendship.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are scared that your friend would push you away,,True,220 eiahro,HAPPY NEW YEAR 🥳🥳🥳,0,chitchat,2,"happy new year for europe :))))) last time i sh was last deciderat hahahahah naah it was 8 days ago :)",sun-bs,1,0,2,2019-12-31 23:19:21,selfharm,happy new year for europe :))))) last time i sh was last deciderat hahahahah naah it was 8 days ago :),0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 fw9zsr,"During this time, are you still receiving therapy?",1a,survey,1,"Since the year started, I've been wanting to find a new therapist. Unfortunately, I procrastinated and now with the coronavirus situation I'm worried it will be close to impossible at the moment. So, I was wondering how therapy has been for you guys. Is it online now? Has your therapist reduced session time or work hours?",wonderie,1,0,10,2020-04-06 23:59:49,getting_over_it,"Since the year started, I've been wanting to find a new therapist. Unfortunately, I procrastinated and now with the coronavirus situation I'm worried it will be close to impossible at the moment. So, I was wondering how therapy has been for you guys. Is it online now? Has your therapist reduced session time or work hours?",1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you want a new therapist,How did X make you feel?,your current therapist,,,,True,102 el9zyx,"My grandmother passed last week and the image of me doing cpr on her dead body, her lifeless face, the visual and tactile",0,help-seeking,1,How do I get through the flashbacks without going into hysterics everytime?,margaretscatwood,1,0,13,2020-01-07 10:48:37,ptsd,"My grandmother passed last week and the image of me doing cpr on her dead body, her lifeless face, the visual and tactile How do I get through the flashbacks without going into hysterics everytime?",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,the flashbacks,,,,True,202 emsz7s,I dont know what to,1b,help-seeking,2,"There are no friends or anyone near my age in at least 5 km from my house. I always lacked friend and have been bullied for 2 years. I compensate the usual friend and the time spent with them by using my phone. Usually to talk to my friends(I can't talk much because all my friends go for their tutoring classes )(I only get about 2hr to talk to them) . I have shown improvement in my marks but my parents always blame me for using too much phone and that I am addicted to my phone (I spend less than 3hr on my phone maximum 5hr(only on holiday)) I really need some advice . I tried telling them that I literally have no friends(near my house) and that my phone is the only way that I can reduce my stress. If I tell them that they say,""HoW CAn yoU HAvE STreSS at such a young age ( I'm a 15 y/o going through puberty). They tell me to spend the time used on my phone to study. And if I read more books I won't increase my sight. I have -1.75 vision( because my parents ignored me saying I have sight (couldn't see the board properly) when they finally decided to get my eyes checked I had a sight of -1.50 my signet decreased by 0.25 in 2 years . which seams to be a lot. Please me some advise. I have also been getting suicidal thoughts.",the_cool_indian_guy,1,0,0,2020-01-10 16:06:10,selfhelp,"There are no friends or anyone near my age in at least 5 km from my house. I always lacked friend and have been bullied for 2 years. I compensate the usual friend and the time spent with them by using my phone. Usually to talk to my friends(I can't talk much because all my friends go for their tutoring classes )(I only get about 2hr to talk to them) . I have shown improvement in my marks but my parents always blame me for using too much phone and that I am addicted to my phone (I spend less than 3hr on my phone maximum 5hr(only on holiday)) I really need some advice . I tried telling them that I literally have no friends(near my house) and that my phone is the only way that I can reduce my stress. If I tell them that they say,""HoW CAn yoU HAvE STreSS at such a young age ( I'm a 15 y/o going through puberty). They tell me to spend the time used on my phone to study. And if I read more books I won't increase my sight. I have -1.75 vision( because my parents ignored me saying I have sight (couldn't see the board properly) when they finally decided to get my eyes checked I had a sight of -1.50 my signet decreased by 0.25 in 2 years . which seams to be a lot. Please me some advise. I have also been getting suicidal thoughts.",2,1,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,having no friends nearby makes you feel,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you feel better,,True,211 ey1ecb,My mom was abusive towards me.,1b,rant,1,"I worked for her and my father for over 15 years and every year was worse than the last. Finally one night I missed work and she screamed at me with such viciousness for what seemed like an hour. I thought about calling the cops that night. This was 3 or 4 years ago but I think about it every day. I think about how I was never treated with respect over the years. When they sold the business they never said anything about my work or what I sacrificed by being there. Every time I went to my mom because I was proud of something she’d put me down. She whines that I don’t talk often to her about what I do. I feel I have good reasons for this. I feel like I’m a shell of a man.",Ifukedupbigtime,1,0,1,2020-02-03 04:29:00,getting_over_it,My mom was abusive towards me. I worked for her and my father for over 15 years and every year was worse than the last. Finally one night I missed work and she screamed at me with such viciousness for what seemed like an hour. I thought about calling the cops that night. This was 3 or 4 years ago but I think about it every day. I think about how I was never treated with respect over the years. When they sold the business they never said anything about my work or what I sacrificed by being there. Every time I went to my mom because I was proud of something she’d put me down. She whines that I don’t talk often to her about what I do. I feel I have good reasons for this. I feel like I’m a shell of a man.,2,1,0,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about your mother's actions,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel like a empty shell,,True,210 eie37b,I have gone 364 days without cutting! One more to go!,0,chitchat,1,I’m really proud of myself for how far I’ve come and good luck to any of you struggling!,WastingMyTimeHereNow,1,0,5,2020-01-01 04:45:46,selfharm,I’m really proud of myself for how far I’ve come and good luck to any of you struggling!,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 eibzbu,Showed my scars by mistake,0,help-seeking,1,"I recently burned my arm completly by mistake a few weeks ago. A true accident. It healed but left a super weird scar. Not thinking that it was among a bunch of self harm scars, I showed it to my physical therapist who was unaware of what my arm looked like. We were just on a conversation about an injury she had and since we both had a new scar, I showed mine too. I'm super embarrassed. I know it doesn't change how I'm going to be treated, it just makes me feel like I shouldn't have done that. Any advice?",Irreparable-Bones,1,0,4,2020-01-01 01:20:45,selfharm,"I recently burned my arm completly by mistake a few weeks ago. A true accident. It healed but left a super weird scar. Not thinking that it was among a bunch of self harm scars, I showed it to my physical therapist who was unaware of what my arm looked like. We were just on a conversation about an injury she had and since we both had a new scar, I showed mine too. I'm super embarrassed. I know it doesn't change how I'm going to be treated, it just makes me feel like I shouldn't have done that. Any advice?",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 ev7841,"After five years of regular meditation, including two as a Buddhist Monk, I feel like a completely new person. I've realized five things to do every day to operate at our highest level so we can be our best self. Meditating, stretching, setting daily intention, not overeating, sleeping early.",0,chitchat,2,"Meditation definitely played a significant role in my life and how I've changed from being an accountant hating my job into a school teacher/ yoga instructor who also runs a learning school for kids in Thailand. However, I must emphasize the importance the other four points played in complementing my practice. It allowed me to have a healthy, strong and energetic body to utilize and clear goals and objectives to focus on. Its changed my life so much I made a short video about it to share as I feel it's easier to communicate good ideas through videos sometimes. Please take a look and let me know what you think! https://youtu.be/kTt91zDMx58 Much love and best wishes to all of you 🙂❤🙏",sickient,1,0,1,2020-01-28 15:55:59,Anger,"Meditation definitely played a significant role in my life and how I've changed from being an accountant hating my job into a school teacher/ yoga instructor who also runs a learning school for kids in Thailand. However, I must emphasize the importance the other four points played in complementing my practice. It allowed me to have a healthy, strong and energetic body to utilize and clear goals and objectives to focus on. Its changed my life so much I made a short video about it to share as I feel it's easier to communicate good ideas through videos sometimes. Please take a look and let me know what you think! https://youtu.be/kTt91zDMx58 Much love and best wishes to all of you 🙂❤🙏",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 etb6wc,How to improve my self worth,1a,help-seeking,1,"I've been struggling a lot with my self-esteem lately. Little things, like losing something small, make me cry and tell myself I'm not enough. I recently broke up with my boyfriend, partly because I wasn't attracted to him anymore, and partly because I was struggling with my sexuality, but after the fact I told myself I wasn't worthy for a partner. I do struggle with self harm. It got bad, better, then worse. I spend 20 minutes in front of the mirror because I think I look fat. I stop eating to correct it. Everything in my life has gone downhill and I don't have anyone to talk to about it, because my friends have no interest in talking about anyone's problems but their own. What do I do from here?",rslashmylifeisamess,1,0,8,2020-01-24 14:35:33,selfhelp,"How to improve my self worth I've been struggling a lot with my self-esteem lately. Little things, like losing something small, make me cry and tell myself I'm not enough. I recently broke up with my boyfriend, partly because I wasn't attracted to him anymore, and partly because I was struggling with my sexuality, but after the fact I told myself I wasn't worthy for a partner. I do struggle with self harm. It got bad, better, then worse. I spend 20 minutes in front of the mirror because I think I look fat. I stop eating to correct it. Everything in my life has gone downhill and I don't have anyone to talk to about it, because my friends have no interest in talking about anyone's problems but their own. What do I do from here?",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,having low self esteem,,,,True,202 fdtf6d,Which antidepressants helped you?,0,survey,1,"I have tried Prozac 20mg. I have tried Lexapro 10mg. Non of them really helped. Prozac gave me energy and anxiety and Lexapro made me like a zombie. Not sure which one to try next. But I have to find the right one. I know my life is objectively good, relationship, job, family, friends but I am kind of a giving up. Nothing makes sense anymore. Which one helped you?",faustian_talos,1,0,6,2020-03-05 10:36:35,getting_over_it,"Which antidepressants helped you? I have tried Prozac 20mg. I have tried Lexapro 10mg. Non of them really helped. Prozac gave me energy and anxiety and Lexapro made me like a zombie. Not sure which one to try next. But I have to find the right one. I know my life is objectively good, relationship, job, family, friends but I am kind of a giving up. Nothing makes sense anymore. Which one helped you?",1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your depression,,,,,,True,122 eiztzh,ADHD is.....,0,rant,1,Being so overwhelmed by making a 2 minute phone call that you go and exercise for 2 hours instead,manic-2020,1,0,0,2020-01-02 15:47:21,ADHD,ADHD is..... Being so overwhelmed by making a 2 minute phone call that you go and exercise for 2 hours instead,1,1,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,110 eicsn9,New Year’s Eve,1a,rant,1,Every year my family hosts a New Years party for a bunch of their friends and their kids. There are 41 people coming and I have really bad social anxiety. The urges to s.h. are really strong right now and they aren’t even over yet. I’m also really nervous about 2020 because of the amount of changes that will be happening. I’m so anxious and I want to s.h. so bad,ChloriNed16,1,0,0,2020-01-01 02:35:31,selfharm,Every year my family hosts a New Years party for a bunch of their friends and their kids. There are 41 people coming and I have really bad social anxiety. The urges to s.h. are really strong right now and they aren’t even over yet. I’m also really nervous about 2020 because of the amount of changes that will be happening. I’m so anxious and I want to s.h. so bad,2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are feeling anxious about the party,,True,220 entr2g,does anyone have any tips to quit selfharm? its quite addicting and i look forward to it daily. (but i never draw blood? no matter how hard i press),0,help-seeking,1,,onionbrogglesalad,1,0,0,2020-01-12 21:26:40,selfhelp,does anyone have any tips to quit selfharm? its quite addicting and i look forward to it daily. (but i never draw blood? no matter how hard i press) nan,1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you did self harm,How did X make you feel?,the self harm,,,,True,102 empeor,Lecture du 10 Janvier - Réflexions Quotidiennes,0,chitchat,5," Chaque jour, je vous fait une Lecture des Réflexions Quotidiennes. Ce livre est publié par les Alcooliques Anonymes, et est une resource importante pour les membres de cette association qui sauve des VIE. Beaucoup d'alcooliques en rétablissement se servent de cette littérature pour commencer la journée. AA est une association d'hommes et de femmes qui partagent entre eux leur forces et leurs espoir dans le but commun d'aider l'alcoolique qui souffre encore. C'est la foi et l'amour de la VIE qui permet la guérissons ou plutôt frêne la progression de la maladie et nous aide de sortir de l'enfer de l'alcoolisme un jour à la fois. L'addiction est très puissance et sournoise. Même si ces écrits sont destiné primordialement pour les alcoolique, leurs familles et amis, beaucoup de gens qui ont l'impression de n'avoir aucun contact avec l'alcoolisme, apprécie énormément la sagesse qui en émane. Notre chaîne na aucune est juste un autre façon de se garder dans le programme tout en courant la chance d'en faire bénéficier un autre. Nous pratiquons des simples Lectures. Nous espérons que vous allez gagner la liberté que nous connaissons! \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* MERCI ! \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* Nous vous remercions pour votre support en vous abonnant à notre chaîne YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfNzzo0WB61WFcBPkg\_Tmfg \#rétablissement #alcoolisme #alcooliques anonymes #amour #VIE #janvier",RisingChadows,1,0,0,2020-01-10 10:55:27,addiction," Chaque jour, je vous fait une Lecture des Réflexions Quotidiennes. Ce livre est publié par les Alcooliques Anonymes, et est une resource importante pour les membres de cette association qui sauve des VIE. Beaucoup d'alcooliques en rétablissement se servent de cette littérature pour commencer la journée. AA est une association d'hommes et de femmes qui partagent entre eux leur forces et leurs espoir dans le but commun d'aider l'alcoolique qui souffre encore. C'est la foi et l'amour de la VIE qui permet la guérissons ou plutôt frêne la progression de la maladie et nous aide de sortir de l'enfer de l'alcoolisme un jour à la fois. L'addiction est très puissance et sournoise. Même si ces écrits sont destiné primordialement pour les alcoolique, leurs familles et amis, beaucoup de gens qui ont l'impression de n'avoir aucun contact avec l'alcoolisme, apprécie énormément la sagesse qui en émane. Notre chaîne na aucune est juste un autre façon de se garder dans le programme tout en courant la chance d'en faire bénéficier un autre. Nous pratiquons des simples Lectures. Nous espérons que vous allez gagner la liberté que nous connaissons! \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* MERCI ! \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* Nous vous remercions pour votre support en vous abonnant à notre chaîne YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfNzzo0WB61WFcBPkg\_Tmfg \#rétablissement #alcoolisme #alcooliques anonymes #amour #VIE #janvier",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ewqpck,I watched a documentary 3 days ago about a Medical Condition that causes your gut to literally explode in flames and burn you to death. I haven't slept since. Help,0,help-seeking,2,"I know it probably sounds daft but the documentary had some terrifying cases of this, including a woman who survived it, it was a woman in her 30's and she said she suddenly felt hot in her throat, and then flames started spewing from her mouth. She drank water and the fire was put out, but she sustained 3rd degree burns to her stomach and intestines and had a scar on her abdomen because of the heat of the fire coming from her gut. The others weren't so lucky and were found reduced to a pile of ashes. For example there was one where a son was talking to his mother upstairs, then he went downstairs for 15 minutes. He then came back up to find his mother was burned to death in her chair, with her legs and arms and head intact but the stomach area was completely burned out and reduced to ashes. Ever since that I can't stop thinking my gut will suddenly catch fire. The documentary had a British chemist named John Emsley mention that our guts produce a self-combusting liquid called diphosphane but in tiny amounts, too small to cause self-combustion, but in some cases it can produce too much and this ignites all the other flammable stuff in the gut and can blow a hole through the abdomen in some cases as it's more like a fiery explosion. Another terrifying fatal case was witnessed by relatives and the woman was just reading a newspaper when suddenly blue flames burst from her mouth and gut area before she died. The documentary had a terrifying reconstruction of this, specifically when her relative looked away for a second and suddenly saw flames in the corner of his eye, only to see her spewing flames out of her mouth and abdomen like a dragon, while she was completely motionless/in shock. Ever since I can't stop thinking about my gut just bursting into flames and burning to death from it. I always have a glass of water next to me in case it happens, and when I go to sleep I have a 2 L bottle of water next to me. I hate being human sometimes our bodies are so badly designed, I've never heard of birds exploding into flames and there's like a hundred times more birds than people. Whenever I'm talking with friends I get anxious, thinking they might suddenly start having fire bursting out their mouth and gut, then keel over and burn to death from the inside out, and imagining how traumatised I'd be if that happens. This case is one of the most haunting ones for me - https://enacademic.com/dic.nsf/enwiki/1034226 Is it possible to remove the gut surgically? Ever since I saw this documentary I want to get rid of it because I feel like I have a bomb inside of me.",Feeling_Profile,1,0,6,2020-01-31 16:15:59,getting_over_it,"I watched a documentary 3 days ago about a Medical Condition that causes your gut to literally explode in flames and burn you to death. I haven't slept since. I know it probably sounds daft but the documentary had some terrifying cases of this, including a woman who survived it, it was a woman in her 30's and she said she suddenly felt hot in her throat, and then flames started spewing from her mouth. She drank water and the fire was put out, but she sustained 3rd degree burns to her stomach and intestines and had a scar on her abdomen because of the heat of the fire coming from her gut. The others weren't so lucky and were found reduced to a pile of ashes. For example there was one where a son was talking to his mother upstairs, then he went downstairs for 15 minutes. He then came back up to find his mother was burned to death in her chair, with her legs and arms and head intact but the stomach area was completely burned out and reduced to ashes. Ever since that I can't stop thinking my gut will suddenly catch fire. The documentary had a British chemist named John Emsley mention that our guts produce a self-combusting liquid called diphosphane but in tiny amounts, too small to cause self-combustion, but in some cases it can produce too much and this ignites all the other flammable stuff in the gut and can blow a hole through the abdomen in some cases as it's more like a fiery explosion. Another terrifying fatal case was witnessed by relatives and the woman was just reading a newspaper when suddenly blue flames burst from her mouth and gut area before she died. The documentary had a terrifying reconstruction of this, specifically when her relative looked away for a second and suddenly saw flames in the corner of his eye, only to see her spewing flames out of her mouth and abdomen like a dragon, while she was completely motionless/in shock. Ever since I can't stop thinking about my gut just bursting into flames and burning to death from it. I always have a glass of water next to me in case it happens, and when I go to sleep I have a 2 L bottle of water next to me. I hate being human sometimes our bodies are so badly designed, I've never heard of birds exploding into flames and there's like a hundred times more birds than people. Whenever I'm talking with friends I get anxious, thinking they might suddenly start having fire bursting out their mouth and gut, then keel over and burn to death from the inside out, and imagining how traumatised I'd be if that happens. This case is one of the most haunting ones for me -https://enacademic.com/dic.nsf/enwiki/1034226 Is it possible to remove the gut surgically? Ever since I saw this documentary I want to get rid of it because I feel like I have a bomb inside of me.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you get relief from the fear,,True,221 eiyenc,Im a teenager and am ‘overwhelmingly sad’,1b,rant,2,"Id appreciate if I don’t get that ‘ooo depressed edgy teen’ BS. This is genuine. I feel a near constant need to express myself (as long as I’m conscious), so I make music and draw a lot. I’m homeschooled, I left school after just turning 13 because I hated it. My mum manipulated (I think that’s the correct word to use) me away from my father, from around the age of 10, until almost 13, when I became to rebellious for her to handle. She is where a lot of my sadness is from. She would often tell me about her being suicidal, also telling me how she had planned to commit, after coming into my room one morning... I can’t remember what happened at all, I think I’ve blocked it out. I’ve been told she had a knife when she came in but I don’t remember anything, I remember just afterward, when social services appeared at our house for a schedule meeting. They left, seemingly pleased with my mums ‘efforts’ to sort her shit out. I was not pleased with the outcome. Now, don’t get me wrong, with this next part, I’m aware people get worse but I had to go through this struggle because my mum wouldn’t work, not couldn’t. Our meals, if we had them, were not MEALS. They were like enough to keep us alive, that’s it. For the record, my mum is the type to have 4 men in the house pretty soon after each other, in a year. Broke up with my stepdad, then about two weeks later, a guy who I hadn’t met moved in. Then after they broke up, another guy a couple weeks or so later, then another. This last guy was my blatantly immature cousin, on my dads side of the family. That shit bruh. During all of these relationships she showed literally no emotional concern for her kids, except keeping us alive I suppose. She went out of her way to verbally bully us actually, she tried the physical shit with me briefly when I was 12 (I think) and the shit didn’t fly, I never hit her or anything but honestly I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks, I regret not doing so. She got my dad involved when it got to the point where I was holding a knife to my neck, considering suicide on the spot, in my mums kitchen, after my gran, whom I’d been staying with, brought me back. I also stayed with my nan for a while and now I live full time with my dad. This is only scratching the surface of the situation. I’ll probably update.",castienaterenian,1,0,0,2020-01-02 13:45:24,sad,"Id appreciate if I don’t get that ‘ooo depressed edgy teen’ BS. This is genuine. I feel a near constant need to express myself (as long as I’m conscious), so I make music and draw a lot. I’m homeschooled, I left school after just turning 13 because I hated it. My mum manipulated (I think that’s the correct word to use) me away from my father, from around the age of 10, until almost 13, when I became to rebellious for her to handle. She is where a lot of my sadness is from. She would often tell me about her being suicidal, also telling me how she had planned to commit, after coming into my room one morning... I can’t remember what happened at all, I think I’ve blocked it out. I’ve been told she had a knife when she came in but I don’t remember anything, I remember just afterward, when social services appeared at our house for a schedule meeting. They left, seemingly pleased with my mums ‘efforts’ to sort her shit out. I was not pleased with the outcome. Now, don’t get me wrong, with this next part, I’m aware people get worse but I had to go through this struggle because my mum wouldn’t work, not couldn’t. Our meals, if we had them, were not MEALS. They were like enough to keep us alive, that’s it. For the record, my mum is the type to have 4 men in the house pretty soon after each other, in a year. Broke up with my stepdad, then about two weeks later, a guy who I hadn’t met moved in. Then after they broke up, another guy a couple weeks or so later, then another. This last guy was my blatantly immature cousin, on my dads side of the family. That shit bruh. During all of these relationships she showed literally no emotional concern for her kids, except keeping us alive I suppose. She went out of her way to verbally bully us actually, she tried the physical shit with me briefly when I was 12 (I think) and the shit didn’t fly, I never hit her or anything but honestly I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks, I regret not doing so. She got my dad involved when it got to the point where I was holding a knife to my neck, considering suicide on the spot, in my mums kitchen, after my gran, whom I’d been staying with, brought me back. I also stayed with my nan for a while and now I live full time with my dad. This is only scratching the surface of the situation. I’ll probably update.",2,1,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about your mom's actions,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel sad and depressed about your situation,,True,210 engrki,When did the cold sweats go away for you??,1a,survey,1,"I'm so sick of sweating and being cold and changing my shirt 3 times a day. I have moments when it leaves me alone, but fuck, I want to feel comfortable in my own skin!!!!! I'm on day 38 and feeling tired and like I could use some hope and support. I know you guys know exactly what I'm feeling, and I value your words, all of you. How about a virtual hug?",spiderat22,1,0,24,2020-01-12 01:27:10,OpiatesRecovery,"When did the cold sweats go away for you?? I'm so sick of sweating and being cold and changing my shirt 3 times a day. I have moments when it leaves me alone, but fuck, I want to feel comfortable in my own skin!!!!! I'm on day 38. I am feeling tired. I could use some hope and support. I know you guys know exactly what I'm feeling, and I value your words, all of you. How about a virtual hug?",1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what caused the cold sweats,,,,,,True,122 ekovbs,Help- I think my dad relapsed,0,help-seeking,2,"Hey, I was hoping I could get some feedback on this situation. My dad was an alcoholic for years and we finally convinced him that he needed to find help. He has been doing great for the past 2 years but I just came home and I think he is hammered. I walked to his door and said hi, and he stared at his phone when I asked how he was doing. I was moving some stuff inside from my truck because I go between my mom's and dad's house, and I heard him fall out of bed. I don't even know how to approach him at this point. The little amount I heard him say was very slurred and incoherent. I wouldn't be worried if it was anyone other than him, but he gets out of hand when he drinks. He has been to jail, rehab, AA meetings, and now he is drunk in bed. I'm sorry if this I the wrong place to go, but I don't know what to do right now I don't know what to do or how to talk to him about it. I don't want to move out again because I love him and want him to be well, but that won't happen if he is drinking. I don't want to embarrass him again or hurt the relationship we have finally been able to build over these past couple of years. He doesn't really handle being alone well and I am almost just afraid of what will happen if I leave. Thank you guys if you stayed to read this, and thank you for any help.",BigOatz,1,0,15,2020-01-06 04:34:44,alcoholicsanonymous,"Hey, I was hoping I could get some feedback on this situation. My dad was an alcoholic for years and we finally convinced him that he needed to find help. He has been doing great for the past 2 years but I just came home and I think he is hammered. I walked to his door and said hi, and he stared at his phone when I asked how he was doing. I was moving some stuff inside from my truck because I go between my mom's and dad's house, and I heard him fall out of bed. I don't even know how to approach him at this point. The little amount I heard him say was very slurred and incoherent. I wouldn't be worried if it was anyone other than him, but he gets out of hand when he drinks. He has been to jail, rehab, AA meetings, and now he is drunk in bed. I'm sorry if this I the wrong place to go, but I don't know what to do right now I don't know what to do or how to talk to him about it. I don't want to move out again because I love him and want him to be well, but that won't happen if he is drinking. I don't want to embarrass him again or hurt the relationship we have finally been able to build over these past couple of years. He doesn't really handle being alone well and I am almost just afraid of what will happen if I leave. Thank you guys if you stayed to read this, and thank you for any help.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eidhs5,Anxiety attacks really got dat timing thing down,0,rant,1,,KikilooRose,1,0,1,2020-01-01 03:43:56,socialanxiety,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 emoy9f,Struggling addiction,1a,help-seeking,1,I’ve been trying to quit smoking cannabis for two months now with no progress. Here to ask for any tips that would help. Any advice is appreciated. Some background I been smoking daily since I was 15. I’ve quit once for a year. Just don’t know how to do it again.,Yoojojojo,1,0,3,2020-01-10 10:04:45,addiction,I’ve been trying to quit smoking cannabis for two months now with no progress. Here to ask for any tips that would help. Any advice is appreciated. Some background I been smoking daily since I was 15. I’ve quit once for a year. Just don’t know how to do it again.,1,0,1,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what made you quit smoking,Why are you wanting X ?,to quit smoking,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you quit smoking,,True,101 eixk1l,I'm sorry mum..,1a,rant,1,"I'm sorry that I can't seem to get out of my bed today. I'm sorry that I don't have the engery to take a shower or even look in the mirror. I'm sorry that I'm not doing my school work while constantly saying how much I've got to do. I'm sorry that I can't help you as much as you would need me right now. But I hope you now that I love you so much and that I'm trying to get better.",anjo_x,1,0,15,2020-01-02 12:18:17,Anxiety,I'm sorry that I can't seem to get out of my bed today. I'm sorry that I don't have the engery to take a shower or even look in the mirror. I'm sorry that I'm not doing my school work while constantly saying how much I've got to do. I'm sorry that I can't help you as much as you would need me right now. But I hope you now that I love you so much and that I'm trying to get better.,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eyng9v,Burst of anger,1a,survey,1,"Hey guys, I was just wondering how do you control bursts of anger? I love to throw things when I lose my stack and smash things, I don’t do drugs im just high in testosterone young early 30’s guy that can’t control his stack until it’s too late. I hate hurting people with my words but I like to scream and shout and walk away when people yell at me if they are angry that’s when I go nuts and fight back or when I feel trapped while being controlled at work by someone. I text msg stupid things when I get mad and when I’m normal I’m really cool dude but when I lose it I go off. I’ve learned my triggers and stay away from those that push it but how can I better those to have better friendships and relationships.",Aussieeuro,1,0,7,2020-02-04 09:14:05,Anger,"Hey guys, I was just wondering how do you control bursts of anger? I love to throw things when I lose my stack and smash things, I don’t do drugs im just high in testosterone young early 30’s guy that can’t control his stack until it’s too late. I hate hurting people with my words but I like to scream and shout and walk away when people yell at me if they are angry that’s when I go nuts and fight back or when I feel trapped while being controlled at work by someone. I text msg stupid things when I get mad and when I’m normal I’m really cool dude but when I lose it I go off. I’ve learned my triggers and stay away from those that push it but how can I better those to have better friendships and relationships.",2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,the bursts of anger,,,,True,202 eizvxj,DAE have a split after a breakup that makes the person impossible to get over?,1a,help-seeking,1,"After a breakup I usually hate the other person. But then as time goes on the split goes the other way and I start to forget all of the awful things that person did to me or justify it in some way. It’s like the rose colored glasses come back on and it’s hard to get them back off. It sucks. So I break up with my abusive ex, and after some time the split comes on and he’s back on that pedestal. How does anyone deal with this? I want to move on with my life and just see things how they actually are.",daniellenicole18,1,0,2,2020-01-02 15:51:36,BPD,"After a breakup I usually hate the other person. But then as time goes on the split goes the other way and I start to forget all of the awful things that person did to me or justify it in some way. It’s like the rose colored glasses come back on and it’s hard to get them back off. It sucks. So I break up with my abusive ex, and after some time the split comes on and he’s back on that pedestal. How does anyone deal with this? I want to move on with my life and just see things how they actually are.",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,unable to get over your ex after the breakup,,,,True,202 eiyb61,Things I Discovered in 2019 [TW: Sexual Abuse],1b,rant,2,"It took me so many years until late 2019 that my parents were abusive. I suppressed so much emotional, mental, and sexual abuse that happened with my stepdad. It took much time to talk to peers and my boyfriend to discover that I was sexually abused for years. For years, I was manipulated into uncomfortable and even sexual situations, and if I refused, I just worsened my stepdad's depression, out of guilt, I would do things so he could stop sobbing or drinking. The worst thing I discovered was being mentally manipulated that being naked in front of your parents was normal (implanted by my stepdad), and it was drilled in my head to the point where it was normal to me. I never felt so disgusting, gross and extremely uncomfortable in my life My mother was so authoritative, I was sheltered as a child, and I never had the opportunity to go out with friends. I was actually going insane at one point because I stayed in that damn house for 17 years. If I ever tried to leave would constantly guilt me of being a ""terrible child"" and ""didn't appreciate the things she does for me"" or she'll say she doesn't love me anymore all because I wanted to leave the house and be with friends or have a boyfriend, (mind you I was 17). Every time I didn't like her strict parenting style, it was an act of defiance for her. She destroys my self esteem and tells me I don't deserve anything. She's also a psychopath when it comes to people that want to help me out. Because I'm her daughter, no one else should take care of me except her. Now that I'm in college and away from them, I noticed that my parents are awful people. I don't talk to them now, and my mental health has improved but there's still a lot of pain to deal with. 2020, I'm going to seek for help, hopefully get a therapist, and get proper diagnosis. 2019 was a shit year, but 2020 won't be.",squishyanimetiddies,1,0,1,2020-01-02 13:36:24,ptsd,"It took me so many years until late 2019 that my parents were abusive. I suppressed so much emotional, mental, and sexual abuse that happened with my stepdad. It took much time to talk to peers and my boyfriend to discover that I was sexually abused for years. For years, I was manipulated into uncomfortable and even sexual situations, and if I refused, I just worsened my stepdad's depression, out of guilt, I would do things so he could stop sobbing or drinking. The worst thing I discovered was being mentally manipulated that being naked in front of your parents was normal (implanted by my stepdad), and it was drilled in my head to the point where it was normal to me. I never felt so disgusting, gross and extremely uncomfortable in my life My mother was so authoritative, I was sheltered as a child, and I never had the opportunity to go out with friends. I was actually going insane at one point because I stayed in that damn house for 17 years. If I ever tried to leave would constantly guilt me of being a ""terrible child"" and ""didn't appreciate the things she does for me"" or she'll say she doesn't love me anymore all because I wanted to leave the house and be with friends or have a boyfriend, (mind you I was 17). Every time I didn't like her strict parenting style, it was an act of defiance for her. She destroys my self esteem and tells me I don't deserve anything. She's also a psychopath when it comes to people that want to help me out. Because I'm her daughter, no one else should take care of me except her. Now that I'm in college and away from them, I noticed that my parents are awful people. I don't talk to them now, and my mental health has improved but there's still a lot of pain to deal with. 2020, I'm going to seek for help, hopefully get a therapist, and get proper diagnosis. 2019 was a shit year, but 2020 won't be.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are feeling a lot of pain,,True,220 eioolg,Tired of people,1c,rant,1," I think I just realized something. I’m totally okay if nobody ever talked to me at this point. This past week has been so taxing on my brain. SO MANY SOCIAL INTERACTIONS, like gd. It’s to the point where I’m annoyed when people, start to talk. The best part is my family is full of smart ass’s, “ooh what’s wrong with you” “what’s your problem” and they wonder why I refer to them as ‘you people’ it’s because they’re dick heads. I wish I had never told them I had adhd, all it’s done is make my family see me as a disabled person. Well... anyways, happy new year, good luck. You’ll need it",iotion710,1,0,4,2020-01-01 22:13:45,ADHD,"Tired of people I think I just realized something. I’m totally okay if nobody ever talked to me at this point. This past week has been so taxing on my brain. SO MANY SOCIAL INTERACTIONS, like gd. It’s to the point where I’m annoyed when people, start to talk. The best part is my family is full of smart ass’s, “ooh what’s wrong with you” “what’s your problem” and they wonder why I refer to them as ‘you people’ it’s because they’re dick heads. I wish I had never told them I had adhd, all it’s done is make my family see me as a disabled person. Well... anyways, happy new year, good luck. You’ll need it",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are annoyed of so many social interactions,,True,220 eus94c,Finding the zest in life again,0,chitchat,1,"With all of the social media, and this race to be the best, we've forgotten what it's like to live at all. We lives our lives stuck in that screen in front of us doing unnecessary things. It has become increasingly difficult to feel spiritually fulfilled. As a result, we feel lost, anxious, and have lost that zest for life. It took me a lot of time to realize the importance of life. I hope you find it too. I also wrote a post regarding this. It might help you out. [Discover the zest in life again](https://gauravbadola.com/how-to-discover-the-zest-for-life-again/)",gauravbadola,1,0,0,2020-01-27 18:43:17,selfhelp,"With all of the social media, and this race to be the best, we've forgotten what it's like to live at all. We lives our lives stuck in that screen in front of us doing unnecessary things. It has become increasingly difficult to feel spiritually fulfilled. As a result, we feel lost, anxious, and have lost that zest for life. It took me a lot of time to realize the importance of life. I hope you find it too. I also wrote a post regarding this. It might help you out. [Discover the zest in life again](https://gauravbadola.com/how-to-discover-the-zest-for-life-again/)",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 ej18y1,Anybody here have Tourette’s?,1a,survey,2,"i have formally been diagnosed with OCD, and have mild aspergers. Was wondering if this was a co morbidity as well? excessive neck cracking as a habit since a kid, almost like it doesn’t ‘feel right’ without cracking my neck twice. I won’t sleep unless I get the right “crack” out of my ankle and jaw and won’t work unless I get the right “crack” and i’ve been doing this since a kid as a mini routine. Don’t know if that’s just OCD or part of it but just thought i’d throw that in there. i’ve been told my eyes always dart and look around like i’m paranoid and also since a kid i have a involuntary blinking tic to where it’s even prevalent in photos and i’ve been told to open up. when i talk to someone and turn to them sometimes i’ll involuntarily turn my head super fast and then wonder why. I have a habit of wanting to sniff every damn thing as well. Not sure if this is a big deal or just because i’m that socially awkward but I do have a bad habit of repeating things people say even if it’s serious as a form of humor, and when i mimic people it’s totally involuntary, it’s almost like i’m compelled to copy them and then i wonder why i did it afterward. I don’t wanna spend the time to get it formally diagnosed because it doesn’t really bug me career wise enough to where it hinders anything, nor do I think i have the insurance to do it but it would be nice to know just for the sake of it.",mthethrowaway141,1,0,3,2020-01-02 17:33:08,mentalillness,"Anybody here have Tourette’s? i have formally been diagnosed with OCD, and have mild aspergers. Was wondering if this was a co morbidity as well? excessive neck cracking as a habit since a kid, almost like it doesn’t ‘feel right’ without cracking my neck twice. I won’t sleep unless I get the right “crack” out of my ankle and jaw and won’t work unless I get the right “crack” and i’ve been doing this since a kid as a mini routine. Don’t know if that’s just OCD or part of it but just thought i’d throw that in there. i’ve been told my eyes always dart and look around like i’m paranoid and also since a kid i have a involuntary blinking tic to where it’s even prevalent in photos and i’ve been told to open up. when i talk to someone and turn to them sometimes i’ll involuntarily turn my head super fast and then wonder why. I have a habit of wanting to sniff every damn thing as well. Not sure if this is a big deal or just because i’m that socially awkward but I do have a bad habit of repeating things people say even if it’s serious as a form of humor, and when i mimic people it’s totally involuntary, it’s almost like i’m compelled to copy them and then i wonder why i did it afterward. I don’t wanna spend the time to get it formally diagnosed because it doesn’t really bug me career wise enough to where it hinders anything, nor do I think i have the insurance to do it but it would be nice to know just for the sake of it.",2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,your involuntary habits,,,,True,202 ei85kl,FML,1a,rant,1,"I can't kill myself because I have two daughters. I can't kill myself because I have two daughters. I can't kill myself because I have two daughters. This is my New Year's resolution. I should also try to lose weight. I'm tired of not giving a shit, but I don't have the energy to work on myself.",Robotgirl2808,1,0,0,2019-12-31 20:12:40,depression,"I can't kill myself because I have two daughters. I can't kill myself because I have two daughters. I can't kill myself because I have two daughters. This is my New Year's resolution. I should also try to lose weight. I'm tired of not giving a shit, but I don't have the energy to work on myself.",0,1,1,What made you feel X ?,tired,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you don't want to work on yourself,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you want to lose weight,,True,011 eophax,Messed up bowels after months of sobriety?,1a,survey,1,"Used kratom to quit a heavy ecp habit and now have stopped that too but in the ~10 months since I quit, my ‘movements’ have never returned to normal. I figured it was kratom fiber causing the looseness but now a month off that too and no change. Goes from loose to straight up water. What’s the deal? Anyone else have similar issue (used opiates daily for about 8 years prior to quitting).",atom_888,1,0,8,2020-01-14 18:48:46,OpiatesRecovery,"Used kratom to quit a heavy ecp habit and now have stopped that too but in the ~10 months since I quit, my ‘movements’ have never returned to normal. I figured it was kratom fiber causing the looseness but now a month off that too and no change. Goes from loose to straight up water. What’s the deal? Anyone else have similar issue (used opiates daily for about 8 years prior to quitting).",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,messed up bowels,,,,True,202 eki4oz,Is journaling for venting feelings a good thing to do when dealing with mental health issues?,1a,help-seeking,2,"I have a history of repressing a lot of different feelings and problems. I always say I’m fine and even manage to convince myself of that until one small trigger occurs and everything I’ve been repressing comes out all at once. A couple days ago, I started journaling again, which I’ve been doing on and off for a lot of my life, but I’ve never been so honest about my feelings. For example, I’m finally coming to terms with how much of a hypochondriac I’ve been for a good portion of my life, how much I get intrusive thoughts and how I deal with them, how avoidant I am, etc. I also go to therapy, and I’ve found it really helpful to have written out my feelings and experiences beforehand to have a better sense of what I want to talk about before I go in. But now that I’ve started writing about these different problems and researching some stuff that it feels like I have (the hypochondriac in me coming out...), it feels like it’s consuming me and it’s all I can think about and I just feel so broken and defined by my mental health issues because I can’t escape the cycle of thinking about them and researching and feeling worse. Is the journaling at fault, even partly, or is it just that I can’t stop researching and self-diagnosing? Should I keep airing everything out like I’ve been doing, or is there a better way to stop myself from repressing everything? Is journaling just making me worse, or should I continue with it being as honest and introspective as I have been? Will I get worse before I get better? Any thoughts or similar experiences would be really helpful. I just want to have some different perspectives on if I’m doing the right thing.",actualdodobird,1,0,9,2020-01-05 19:57:47,selfhelp,"I have a history of repressing a lot of different feelings and problems. I always say I’m fine and even manage to convince myself of that until one small trigger occurs and everything I’ve been repressing comes out all at once. A couple days ago, I started journaling again, which I’ve been doing on and off for a lot of my life, but I’ve never been so honest about my feelings. For example, I’m finally coming to terms with how much of a hypochondriac I’ve been for a good portion of my life, how much I get intrusive thoughts and how I deal with them, how avoidant I am, etc. I also go to therapy, and I’ve found it really helpful to have written out my feelings and experiences beforehand to have a better sense of what I want to talk about before I go in. But now that I’ve started writing about these different problems and researching some stuff that it feels like I have (the hypochondriac in me coming out...), it feels like it’s consuming me and it’s all I can think about and I just feel so broken and defined by my mental health issues because I can’t escape the cycle of thinking about them and researching and feeling worse. Is the journaling at fault, even partly, or is it just that I can’t stop researching and self-diagnosing? Should I keep airing everything out like I’ve been doing, or is there a better way to stop myself from repressing everything? Is journaling just making me worse, or should I continue with it being as honest and introspective as I have been? Will I get worse before I get better? Any thoughts or similar experiences would be really helpful. I just want to have some different perspectives on if I’m doing the right thing.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 etfind,Does anyone know that happens when you have a restraining order and you have his stuff,0,help-seeking,1,"I have his stuff in storage and he postponed the tro hearing because he said he wanted a lawyer It’s not until Feb 5 but why should I pay another month for his crap? Do I have options",Js10241024,1,0,4,2020-01-24 19:47:29,domesticviolence,Does anyone know that happens when you have a restraining order and you have his stuff I have his stuff in storage and he postponed the tro hearing because he said he wanted a lawyer It’s not until Feb 5 but why should I pay another month for his crap? Do I have options,1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what made you get a restraining order,How did X make you feel?,the postponement of the hearing,,,,True,102 erv2a6,How can you know for sure if something was sexual assault or if you wanted it or played a role in it?,0,help-seeking,1,Especially if you don’t fully remember or if the other person was drunk too?,vitalogy95,1,0,10,2020-01-21 14:01:21,rapecounseling, How can you know for sure if something was sexual assault or if you wanted it or played a role in it? Especially if you don’t fully remember or if the other person was drunk too?,1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what happened to you,How did X make you feel?,the incident,,,,True,102 el9qmu,Past mistakes and the cycle of feeling like a failure,1a,chitchat,2,"I've recently come to the realization that a reason why I can't get out of self destructive cycles (in any area of my life aka weight loss and binge eating, college etc.) is because the bad consecuences of past mistakes affect me even when I've decided to move on and change my behavior. I. e. I'll try to study for exams, but I have to redo last year's exams as well... The past failure's consecuences bring me down while I'm trying to make new, good choices and improve as a person. Of course, If I let them get to me and make me feel like a useless idiot, I don't have the motivation to improve. Here's where positivity comes into play I guess? I keep telling myself that trying again and again till you succeed means you haven't given up, and that's key - > failure has more to do with giving up trying than with making mistakes. Forgiveness of yourself, your fuck ups and others helps view life as a clean canvas. It's hard, it involves being very vigilant of intrusive, toxic thoughts and you'll mess up sometimes but it's soo worth it. Instead of cringing at every shameful memory that pops into my head and repressing till it goes, I let it speak, make its case, then I make an effort to remind it that no, it wasn't a big deal, or it wasn't my fault, or I've changed as a person since then. (Intrusive thoughts for me consist of memories of bullying and sex related horrible stories for example) Anyway, I'm here for you, I believe in you. You can change for the better, and strive for a guilt-free, shame-free life. Cheers.",Lizthefish,1,0,3,2020-01-07 10:17:14,selfhelp,"I've recently come to the realization that a reason why I can't get out of self destructive cycles (in any area of my life aka weight loss and binge eating, college etc.) is because the bad consecuences of past mistakes affect me even when I've decided to move on and change my behavior. I. e. I'll try to study for exams, but I have to redo last year's exams as well... The past failure's consecuences bring me down while I'm trying to make new, good choices and improve as a person. Of course, If I let them get to me and make me feel like a useless idiot, I don't have the motivation to improve. Here's where positivity comes into play I guess? I keep telling myself that trying again and again till you succeed means you haven't given up, and that's key - > failure has more to do with giving up trying than with making mistakes. Forgiveness of yourself, your fuck ups and others helps view life as a clean canvas. It's hard, it involves being very vigilant of intrusive, toxic thoughts and you'll mess up sometimes but it's soo worth it. Instead of cringing at every shameful memory that pops into my head and repressing till it goes, I let it speak, make its case, then I make an effort to remind it that no, it wasn't a big deal, or it wasn't my fault, or I've changed as a person since then. (Intrusive thoughts for me consist of memories of bullying and sex related horrible stories for example) Anyway, I'm here for you, I believe in you. You can change for the better, and strive for a guilt-free, shame-free life. Cheers.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 el4myd,Hope?,0,chitchat,1,Why hold onto hope when you KNOW it won’t do anything?,brokeme,1,0,1,2020-01-07 02:19:32,sad,Why hold onto hope when you KNOW it won’t do anything?,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 es6anu,Finally beating Anger - The New Me!,0,chitchat,3,"Its been a wild ride. Ive learned a few trick tips and happy with progress. After giving my angry self a name and noticed when he came out I was then able to realize when i got angry. I feel the hair on my neck stand up and then I just speak out of emotion. Usually very mean things regardless of who it was or where I was (work). I didn't want to lose everything and I wanted to no longer have my wife feel like it was her. I wasn't happy inside. I forgave all the demons in my head. The voices talking inside when a certain scenario hit. I wasnt ashamed of it any longer. I didnt have to be angry because of the things in my past I couldn't control. I was able to forgive all the things in my head I was ashamed about. I said goodbye to the voice that would constantly control my thoughts because it felt it was protecting me. Meanwhile I was just an asshole trapped as an asshole. I have been just happy and relaxed. Its been over 6 months now. What lead me to this post. It was 2 years ago I went to disney world. I didnt have a care in the world and my wife told me then i was the best version of me. I realized then she was in an abusive relationship and started to realize I wasnt happy. Fast foward to last week. After all my head straightening we went to disney and ""Disney Anthony"" was back(thats what I called myself). At the end of the trip and she said. ""You're no longer Disney Anthony. You're like this all the time now and I love you."" I am welcoming the next chapter of my life. I am no longer ashamed of the physical, mental and emotional abuse I endured as a kid. The fat shaming and the constant put downs from my family. I have forgave all of that. I realize that was all out of my control and I will never create that environment for my family. I now breathe when the going gets tough. I do not let emotions controls me. And in an argument I dont bring up things that dont matter anymore. I realize I can't control other people. And my anger is triggered from my exceptions are not being met. I am able to also apologize, organize my thoughts and understand 2 people can be right in a conversation. No one can go into a conversation knowing they are always going to be shot down and called stupid. This is my life. Sure I have days I want to doubt my progress. Thats PTSD. Thats my brain acting up. Its up to me to remind myself that I appreciate all the years it protected me. But now I got it! Good Luck Everyone! YOU CANNOT CHANGE OTHER PEOPLE. HOW CAN YOU BE HAPPY TOMORROW IF YOU ARE SO FOCUSED ON THE PAST! Good Luck! You are never alone. I am always a message away!",acimagli,1,0,10,2020-01-22 03:41:41,Anger,"Its been a wild ride. Ive learned a few trick tips and happy with progress. After giving my angry self a name and noticed when he came out I was then able to realize when i got angry. I feel the hair on my neck stand up and then I just speak out of emotion. Usually very mean things regardless of who it was or where I was (work). I didn't want to lose everything and I wanted to no longer have my wife feel like it was her. I wasn't happy inside. I forgave all the demons in my head. The voices talking inside when a certain scenario hit. I wasnt ashamed of it any longer. I didnt have to be angry because of the things in my past I couldn't control. I was able to forgive all the things in my head I was ashamed about. I said goodbye to the voice that would constantly control my thoughts because it felt it was protecting me. Meanwhile I was just an asshole trapped as an asshole. I have been just happy and relaxed. Its been over 6 months now. What lead me to this post. It was 2 years ago I went to disney world. I didnt have a care in the world and my wife told me then i was the best version of me. I realized then she was in an abusive relationship and started to realize I wasnt happy. Fast foward to last week. After all my head straightening we went to disney and ""Disney Anthony"" was back(thats what I called myself). At the end of the trip and she said. ""You're no longer Disney Anthony. You're like this all the time now and I love you."" I am welcoming the next chapter of my life. I am no longer ashamed of the physical, mental and emotional abuse I endured as a kid. The fat shaming and the constant put downs from my family. I have forgave all of that. I realize that was all out of my control and I will never create that environment for my family. I now breathe when the going gets tough. I do not let emotions controls me. And in an argument I dont bring up things that dont matter anymore. I realize I can't control other people. And my anger is triggered from my exceptions are not being met. I am able to also apologize, organize my thoughts and understand 2 people can be right in a conversation. No one can go into a conversation knowing they are always going to be shot down and called stupid. This is my life. Sure I have days I want to doubt my progress. Thats PTSD. Thats my brain acting up. Its up to me to remind myself that I appreciate all the years it protected me. But now I got it! Good Luck Everyone! YOU CANNOT CHANGE OTHER PEOPLE. HOW CAN YOU BE HAPPY TOMORROW IF YOU ARE SO FOCUSED ON THE PAST! Good Luck! You are never alone. I am always a message away!",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 ejdz3v,Morning feels,0,chitchat,2,,seagulshit,8,0,0,2020-01-03 11:04:08,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eiu6wc,Just started self harning to help with my drug addiction.,0,help-seeking,1,"As of 2 days ago I have been self harning in attempt to suppress my addiction to drugs. This is the only thing I have found to work, it's as if the more the wound hurts , the less my brain cares about whatever drug it wants at the time. Now my fear is I'm replacing my drug addiction with a cutting addiction. I am also supprised because it feels nice. As the blade cuts the skin it's like an instant release of pressure. I need as much advice as I can get because in 2 days Ive just permanently marked my right thigh",_Joosh_,1,0,0,2020-01-02 05:50:30,selfharm,"As of 2 days ago I have been self harning in attempt to suppress my addiction to drugs. This is the only thing I have found to work, it's as if the more the wound hurts , the less my brain cares about whatever drug it wants at the time. Now my fear is I'm replacing my drug addiction with a cutting addiction. I am also supprised because it feels nice. As the blade cuts the skin it's like an instant release of pressure. I need as much advice as I can get because in 2 days Ive just permanently marked my right thigh",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eigsbh,Turning myself into the villain,1a,rant,2,"Ever since the Joker movie came out I've been obsessing over the whole villain/hero themes. I consider myself a good person and I try my best to be respectful of other peoples boundaries, be kind, gracious and generous. I go out of my way to help others because I'm an idealist (INFP) and because no one has ever done that for me, so in a way I'm helping myself. However, it seems like no matter what, helping others has always resulted in me being used, and taken advantage of. I AM SO SICK OF IT. People often gaslight me into thinking it has been my fault that I have 'agreed' or haven't 'objected hard enough'. It makes me hate myself even more. I mean, they are right. It was my fault for not setting harder boundaries, and how can I expect other people to be good if i know with all of my being that the world is a cruel place and people are shit? I'm stupid. That's my narrative. But i wanna change that. A part of me, the dark side, the shadow, the Kyuubi or 'the moster' as I call it, wants to come out and wreak havoc. Take revenge of people who have wronged me, take control back of my life, and just finally letting go of that narrative that keeps hurting me, whether it's based in the ""true"" reality or not. (Pls keep in mind I'm not talking about anything crime related ok) I know that the ideal is that I befriend my monster, but I dont know how to let it out without letting it take control over me. So a part of me wants to go full apeshit villain, but the rational part of me knows it's not what's gonna make me feel better long term. Have any of you had these thoughts?",FallenFromChen,1,0,1,2020-01-01 09:59:02,BPD,"Ever since the Joker movie came out I've been obsessing over the whole villain/hero themes. I consider myself a good person and I try my best to be respectful of other peoples boundaries, be kind, gracious and generous. I go out of my way to help others because I'm an idealist (INFP) and because no one has ever done that for me, so in a way I'm helping myself. However, it seems like no matter what, helping others has always resulted in me being used, and taken advantage of. I AM SO SICK OF IT. People often gaslight me into thinking it has been my fault that I have 'agreed' or haven't 'objected hard enough'. It makes me hate myself even more. I mean, they are right. It was my fault for not setting harder boundaries, and how can I expect other people to be good if i know with all of my being that the world is a cruel place and people are shit? I'm stupid. That's my narrative. But i wanna change that. A part of me, the dark side, the shadow, the Kyuubi or 'the moster' as I call it, wants to come out and wreak havoc. Take revenge of people who have wronged me, take control back of my life, and just finally letting go of that narrative that keeps hurting me, whether it's based in the ""true"" reality or not. (Pls keep in mind I'm not talking about anything crime related ok) I know that the ideal is that I befriend my monster, but I dont know how to let it out without letting it take control over me. So a part of me wants to go full apeshit villain, but the rational part of me knows it's not what's gonna make me feel better long term. Have any of you had these thoughts?",2,1,1,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how those thoughts make you feel,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you control these thoughts,,True,211 f38ia1,I had to physically remove my verbally abusive mother and I don't feel guilty about it,1b,rant,1,"She was sitting on my bed berating me for things my father is doing and calling me pathetic because I am not doing anything about it(i.e., beat him up). She didn't leave when I asked her to, so I physically carried her out and locked the door. I don't care that I am a young man being physical on a woman, this is the exact thing that would happen if she went nuts in some public place like a restaurant. I'm not just going to take the verbal abuse because.",Zerefihr,1,0,3,2020-02-13 11:18:19,domesticviolence,"She was sitting on my bed berating me for things my father is doing and calling me pathetic because I am not doing anything about it(i.e., beat him up). She didn't leave when I asked her to, so I physically carried her out and locked the door. I don't care that I am a young man being physical on a woman, this is the exact thing that would happen if she went nuts in some public place like a restaurant. I'm not just going to take the verbal abuse because.",2,0,0,,,How did X make you feel?,your mother berating you,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unable to handle the verbal abuse,,True,200 f3kxtl,Anger is controlling me.,1a,rant,2,"19 years old with a gf for 10 months and i am otherwise a pretty chill,kind person,but when i snap i literally want to be hated I feel so desperate,hopeless,so much darkness and frustration. I turned my eye purple from one hit. My gf and sister had to hold my arms behind my back so i would not fuck myself up I yelled while punching a tree I fucked up my knuckles from punching a wood I punched through a door and my fist ended up covered in blood My family is scared of me when i snap And i don’t know why is that happening to me. I would gladly die for my gf because she means that much for me. I do a lot of things for her even at the cost of my sake. (She saved me from almost an alcohol addiction,had to choose between her or vodka,but she hurt me a LOT with something she kept secret from me and from that moment i started feeling so much fucking hate towards world and people, i could not get that shit from my head,it followed me everywhere and i felt like losing my entire mind from it. But i got over that. I talk with her bout her problems,i always try to help her, i dropped like 2,2k dollars on her in 10 months just because i wanted to see a smile on her face even tho she always got almost angry at me for buying her something I worked a 12 hours shifts,slept total 14 hours after 4 days everytime so i could just be with her. I ignore every girl I am loyal to her as much as possible. And then when i snap i want her to hate me i want everyone to hate me i feel like if a guy would be standing in front of me i would straight up murder him with my bare hands just from pure rage. I am not a bad person,everyone who knows me says how kind and working person i am But why the fuck that rage literally clouds my entire mind? Im losing my mind so fucking much from it Yeah,i even started punching myself in front of my gf pretty hard and counted from 1 to 10 after every punch and made myself spit blood from my mouth. I am seriously considering a psychiatrist It´s getting unbearable.",Vetor6,1,0,13,2020-02-14 01:54:28,Anger,"19 years old with a gf for 10 months and i am otherwise a pretty chill,kind person,but when i snap i literally want to be hated I feel so desperate,hopeless,so much darkness and frustration. I turned my eye purple from one hit. My gf and sister had to hold my arms behind my back so i would not fuck myself up I yelled while punching a tree I fucked up my knuckles from punching a wood I punched through a door and my fist ended up covered in blood My family is scared of me when i snap And i don’t know why is that happening to me. I would gladly die for my gf because she means that much for me. I do a lot of things for her even at the cost of my sake. (She saved me from almost an alcohol addiction,had to choose between her or vodka,but she hurt me a LOT with something she kept secret from me and from that moment i started feeling so much fucking hate towards world and people, i could not get that shit from my head,it followed me everywhere and i felt like losing my entire mind from it. But i got over that. I talk with her bout her problems,i always try to help her, i dropped like 2,2k dollars on her in 10 months just because i wanted to see a smile on her face even tho she always got almost angry at me for buying her something I worked a 12 hours shifts,slept total 14 hours after 4 days everytime so i could just be with her. I ignore every girl I am loyal to her as much as possible. And then when i snap i want her to hate me i want everyone to hate me i feel like if a guy would be standing in front of me i would straight up murder him with my bare hands just from pure rage. I am not a bad person,everyone who knows me says how kind and working person i am But why the fuck that rage literally clouds my entire mind? Im losing my mind so fucking much from it Yeah,i even started punching myself in front of my gf pretty hard and counted from 1 to 10 after every punch and made myself spit blood from my mouth. I am seriously considering a psychiatrist It´s getting unbearable.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,what would help you control your anger,,True,220 eihuj3,Can anyone in the UK recommend a private psychiatrist? I'm already diagnosed but need a dose change and have had a bad experience with another private psych.,1b,help-seeking,3,"**TL;DR** is basically that my psych didn't titrate me before getting a shared care agreement and then decided my mental health was too complex. So, now I might not be able to get NHS care, but don't have a private psych either and I'm still being prescribed drugs that don't even work well, but it's all I have. I'd like to save up and see someone again but don't want it to be another waste of time. There's so many options but all these companies seem really overly commercialised and I don't trust them. **Full story** I was diagnosed four months ago, was put in 30mg Vyvanse/Elvanse. At first it worked really well, but then I stopped noticing benefits and when it did work I found I had a bad ""crash"". My Psychiatrist had a weird way of doing things which is technically against the ""rules"" of a shared care agreement, which was to tell my GP that I didn't need to titrate further so that I could get a repeat prescription ASAP and then if I felt I needed an increase to contact her for a follow up. I was pretty confused about whether my meds were working or not so wanted to give it some time. Unfortunately, I had some bad things happen shortly after starting meds. I'd already had an incredibly hard year and had been a little low. Then I lost my job, ended a two year relationship and then rushed into another relationship (shortly after a breakup) with a friend. He had bipolar and started to be abusive towards me. I stopped eating a lot and was barely sleeping, sometimes staying up for days at a time and would accidentally double dose my meds. I began acting like someone who was having a hypomanic episode, the guy broke me mentally and made me think I might have bipolar myself, so I emailed my psych because I was afraid. She let me know she couldn't treat me if I could be bipolar and recommended a mood stabiliser, which I could advise my GP about. I thought it was kind crazy she'd recommend very strong drugs based on an email. I spoke to my Mum who's a mental health nurse who thought it sounded like I likely had an acute stress reaction, which can cause some people to behave like the have hypomania. Considering I sometimes accidentally double dosed my meds as well, it makes sense. I took a break from my meds for 2-3 weeks, broke up with that guy and started sleeping and eating properly. I have since been back on them for two weeks. I'm feeling fine, no weird side effects, but they're not really helping me that much with my symptoms at the current dose and I know I need an increase, or an entirely different class of drugs. My GP has referred me to the local mental health team, but they're pretty useless so I can see it bouncing back. The wait time is ages for adult ADHD and I've now found out they don't accept patients with a private diagnosis, so I'd have to go through community mental health if they'd even help me. So, now I need to pay for an assessment with a new psychiatrist all over again. I could ask my GP to adjust my dose or contact my old psych, but I don't think my GP would. Even if my old psychiatrist would take me back, I don't think I'd feel comfortable with her. She messed me about a lot with the appointment time and actually paused my skype appointment part way through to have an unexpected meeting with her boss. Then the whole mess with the titrating and the lack of support when I was unsure if my meds were working. She has really good reviews though, so, I feel like maybe I'm just being difficult. Well, that's my story. If anyone can recommend someone either based in the Midlands or available for remote appointments and with a price estimate, I'd be super grateful! Feel free to DM if it's easier.",floshoboo,1,0,9,2020-01-01 12:25:40,ADHD,"Can anyone in the UK recommend a private psychiatrist? I'm already diagnosed but need a dose change and have had a bad experience with another private psych. **TL;DR** is basically that my psych didn't titrate me before getting a shared care agreement and then decided my mental health was too complex. So, now I might not be able to get NHS care, but don't have a private psych either and I'm still being prescribed drugs that don't even work well, but it's all I have. I'd like to save up and see someone again but don't want it to be another waste of time. There's so many options but all these companies seem really overly commercialised and I don't trust them. **Full story** I was diagnosed four months ago, was put in 30mg Vyvanse/Elvanse. At first it worked really well, but then I stopped noticing benefits and when it did work I found I had a bad ""crash"". My Psychiatrist had a weird way of doing things which is technically against the ""rules"" of a shared care agreement, which was to tell my GP that I didn't need to titrate further so that I could get a repeat prescription ASAP and then if I felt I needed an increase to contact her for a follow up. I was pretty confused about whether my meds were working or not so wanted to give it some time. Unfortunately, I had some bad things happen shortly after starting meds. I'd already had an incredibly hard year and had been a little low. Then I lost my job, ended a two year relationship and then rushed into another relationship (shortly after a breakup) with a friend. He had bipolar and started to be abusive towards me. I stopped eating a lot and was barely sleeping, sometimes staying up for days at a time and would accidentally double dose my meds. I began acting like someone who was having a hypomanic episode, the guy broke me mentally and made me think I might have bipolar myself, so I emailed my psych because I was afraid. She let me know she couldn't treat me if I could be bipolar and recommended a mood stabiliser, which I could advise my GP about. I thought it was kind crazy she'd recommend very strong drugs based on an email. I spoke to my Mum who's a mental health nurse who thought it sounded like I likely had an acute stress reaction, which can cause some people to behave like the have hypomania. Considering I sometimes accidentally double dosed my meds as well, it makes sense. I took a break from my meds for 2-3 weeks, broke up with that guy and started sleeping and eating properly. I have since been back on them for two weeks. I'm feeling fine, no weird side effects, but they're not really helping me that much with my symptoms at the current dose and I know I need an increase, or an entirely different class of drugs. My GP has referred me to the local mental health team, but they're pretty useless so I can see it bouncing back. The wait time is ages for adult ADHD and I've now found out they don't accept patients with a private diagnosis, so I'd have to go through community mental health if they'd even help me. So, now I need to pay for an assessment with a new psychiatrist all over again. I could ask my GP to adjust my dose or contact my old psych, but I don't think my GP would. Even if my old psychiatrist would take me back, I don't think I'd feel comfortable with her. She messed me about a lot with the appointment time and actually paused my skype appointment part way through to have an unexpected meeting with her boss. Then the whole mess with the titrating and the lack of support when I was unsure if my meds were working. She has really good reviews though, so, I feel like maybe I'm just being difficult. Well, that's my story. If anyone can recommend someone either based in the Midlands or available for remote appointments and with a price estimate, I'd be super grateful! Feel free to DM if it's easier.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eifot8,Roommate,1b,help-seeking,1,"My roommate relapsed. He had some time, and since talking to him about it he said he’d go to meetings again but hasn’t really done so. It bothers me that he’s so picky about what he is or isn’t willing to do. I don’t badger him and I probably won’t because I don’t want to make the situation anymore volatile with my fix/manage/control bs, but I was looking for advice on how to handle this.",Fattonyisgod,1,0,9,2020-01-01 07:34:29,alcoholicsanonymous,"My roommate relapsed. He had some time, and since talking to him about it he said he’d go to meetings again but hasn’t really done so. It bothers me that he’s so picky about what he is or isn’t willing to do. I don’t badger him and I probably won’t because I don’t want to make the situation anymore volatile with my fix/manage/control bs, but I was looking for advice on how to handle this.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ej7mwq,I'm getting tested for anemia in my left arm filled w scars,0,rant,1,"I'm also planning on telling my best friend abt my arms but it's only cos I'm so scared like my dad's gonna be there seeing ,e get tested and I think k he knows something's up cos when I got my lungs listened to this morning at the doctors I had to take off my hoodie I had blood all over my sleeve arms and I'm so so scared wdid??",irllywant-spaghetti,3,0,12,2020-01-03 01:06:27,selfharm,"I'm getting tested for anemia in my left arm filled w scars I'm also planning on telling my best friend abt my arms. but it's only cos I'm so scared like my dad's gonna be there seeing ,e get tested and I think k he knows something's up cos when I got my lungs listened to this morning at the doctors I had to take off my hoodie I had blood all over my sleeve arms and I'm so so scared wdid??",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what made you cut yourself,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are scared about your dad seeing your scars,,True,120 eibwgx,Happy 2020 everyone.,1b,rant,1,"I've just spent this night with my ""friends"" who doesn't care about me and after they left i started watching Facebook and i saw how many people others have and how happy they were spending their time together. So yeah being alone with people around you is bad i guess. But at least i want to wish to my only friends here a happy new year!",Ninj-gazio,1,0,4,2020-01-01 01:13:37,depression,"I've just spent this night with my ""friends"" who doesn't care about me and after they left i started watching Facebook and i saw how many people others have and how happy they were spending their time together. So yeah being alone with people around you is bad i guess. But at least i want to wish to my only friends here a happy new year!",1,1,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you think your friends don't care about you,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about your friends,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel lonely,,True,110 eu1b5i,Am I in the asshole?,0,help-seeking,3," A year ago, I was raped one night when my bf dropped me off at my dorm, he saw me beaten, abused and taken advantage of. Something like this has happened before so I knew what needed to be done etc, so it wasn't as traumatizing for me as it was for him. I have flashbacks, but there not of the event, there of him crying on the phone with his mom asking things like ""is there anything else I should do."" When we were at the hospital, I could tell he was trying to hide everything well, so I requested them to let me play music of my choice. I chose songs the "" A thousand years,"" ""I will always love you"" ""Nothing compares to you"" ""grow as we grow."" (This hit him hard, to the point of sheer silence, but it calmed him down so I was happy. He then asked if I wanted to spend the night at my dorm, my parents, or his apartment. I chose his apartment. He tended to my wounds as requested when asked, And I fell asleep on him that night. and blah blas. The next day, I decided I wanted to spend the night in my dorm, later changed my mind as I kept having flashbacks of him being traumatized that night. I then decided on my own accord to transfer university's. (I couldn't help but notice every time he would escort me to classes he always swiftly walked past the dorms. ) He saw the entire event and blames himself for it, and it drives me crazy. He was there when I needed it the most. He did everything correctly, aside from blaming himself for how useless everyone involved was. 2 Months Later: I decided to test the waters by playing those songs in the exact order. He uhh didn't exactly respond well , and promptly changed the music. I apologized, and he said ""It's okay you didn't know."" A few Months later, After I had settled in him if he would drive me to my old uni. He said yes, But I couldn't help but notice the fact that he walked past the dorm were it all happened extremely quickly. I realized it was to soon for him. So I decided to slow it down a ton, I waited 4 months before I started to subtly mention the topic with him, he'd always brush it off. But I can't let him hide it forever. (I admit I probably shouldn't have asked him this, as this was probs a bit much for him, were as I was 100% ready to face things head on. A few months later during sex, I asked him if he wouldn't mind getting on top, he switched into position, and froze. From then on we pretty much we didn't do anything with him being on top, or any penetration. The closest he would ever get is making out he wouldn't mind being on top during it, it was one of the only few things he actually enjoyed, besides causal teasing during a blowjob. He used to enjoy being on top every now and then, so i figured why not. Once he got into position, he just froze. I asked if he was okay, and he said ""I'm fine, I just need a little rest."" I'm lost and I don't know what to do. I want to help him through it as he was there for me, but it's hard. And hes not really into talking about it. But I can't just let him hide everything. So I started subtly mentioning the topic going, if you have questions, or just wanna talk,cry it out. I'm here for you. In a few months we will be spending spring break at his moms, who ironically has experience in this area as she's a therapist. His mom was involved in helping him that night, Should I subtly mention the topic again in-front of his mom? And see if he's willing to talk? I don't wanna force him to something he's not ready for, But it needs to be done. :( Or did I basically wreck everything by being to quick about everything? ;( I just can't handle seeing him like this, as it reminds me of the flashbacks from when he was driving me to the hospital in the car. I know his flashbacks are of the event, as he froze when he was on top during sex. I'm lost and don't know what to do to help him through it. Thoughts etc would be appreciated DMs are open :)",hugheslilly53,1,0,32,2020-01-26 03:17:33,rapecounseling," A year ago, I was raped one night when my bf dropped me off at my dorm, he saw me beaten, abused and taken advantage of. Something like this has happened before so I knew what needed to be done etc, so it wasn't as traumatizing for me as it was for him. I have flashbacks, but there not of the event, there of him crying on the phone with his mom asking things like ""is there anything else I should do."" When we were at the hospital, I could tell he was trying to hide everything well, so I requested them to let me play music of my choice. I chose songs the "" A thousand years,"" ""I will always love you"" ""Nothing compares to you"" ""grow as we grow."" (This hit him hard, to the point of sheer silence, but it calmed him down so I was happy. He then asked if I wanted to spend the night at my dorm, my parents, or his apartment. I chose his apartment. He tended to my wounds as requested when asked, And I fell asleep on him that night. and blah blas. The next day, I decided I wanted to spend the night in my dorm, later changed my mind as I kept having flashbacks of him being traumatized that night. I then decided on my own accord to transfer university's. (I couldn't help but notice every time he would escort me to classes he always swiftly walked past the dorms. ) He saw the entire event and blames himself for it, and it drives me crazy. He was there when I needed it the most. He did everything correctly, aside from blaming himself for how useless everyone involved was. 2 Months Later: I decided to test the waters by playing those songs in the exact order. He uhh didn't exactly respond well , and promptly changed the music. I apologized, and he said ""It's okay you didn't know."" A few Months later, After I had settled in him if he would drive me to my old uni. He said yes, But I couldn't help but notice the fact that he walked past the dorm were it all happened extremely quickly. I realized it was to soon for him. So I decided to slow it down a ton, I waited 4 months before I started to subtly mention the topic with him, he'd always brush it off. But I can't let him hide it forever. (I admit I probably shouldn't have asked him this, as this was probs a bit much for him, were as I was 100% ready to face things head on. A few months later during sex, I asked him if he wouldn't mind getting on top, he switched into position, and froze. From then on we pretty much we didn't do anything with him being on top, or any penetration. The closest he would ever get is making out he wouldn't mind being on top during it, it was one of the only few things he actually enjoyed, besides causal teasing during a blowjob. He used to enjoy being on top every now and then, so i figured why not. Once he got into position, he just froze. I asked if he was okay, and he said ""I'm fine, I just need a little rest."" I'm lost and I don't know what to do. I want to help him through it as he was there for me, but it's hard. And hes not really into talking about it. But I can't just let him hide everything. So I started subtly mentioning the topic going, if you have questions, or just wanna talk,cry it out. I'm here for you. In a few months we will be spending spring break at his moms, who ironically has experience in this area as she's a therapist. His mom was involved in helping him that night, Should I subtly mention the topic again in-front of his mom? And see if he's willing to talk? I don't wanna force him to something he's not ready for, But it needs to be done. :( Or did I basically wreck everything by being to quick about everything? ;( I just can't handle seeing him like this, as it reminds me of the flashbacks from when he was driving me to the hospital in the car. I know his flashbacks are of the event, as he froze when he was on top during sex. I'm lost and don't know what to do to help him through it. Thoughts etc would be appreciated DMs are open :)",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ekk2h5,"I am skeptical. I think that claiming one has a mental illness has become a fad. As a person who has had a lifelong struggle, I feel resentful. What are *your* thoughts?",0,survey,1,,blixafritz,1,0,2,2020-01-05 22:26:31,mentalillness,"I am skeptical. I think that claiming one has a mental illness has become a fad. As a person who has had a lifelong struggle, I feel resentful. What are your thoughts? nan",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eicea4,I want to begin the long journey of breaking out of my depression. Any ideas on how to do this lads?,0,help-seeking,1,I’m tired of feeling this way and the start to a new decade is the perfect time to start the long process. Only problem is I don’t really know where to begin. Any ideas?,jcola23,1,0,5,2020-01-01 01:58:28,depression,I’m tired of feeling this way and the start to a new decade is the perfect time to start the long process. Only problem is I don’t really know where to begin. Any ideas?,2,1,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel due to your depression,,,,True,212 eirqtr,Got Everything Done Yesterday! Gogo Google Tasks!,0,chitchat,3,"Set myself 5 different things to do yesterday, 2 where daily take-your-fucking-anti-depressants, but I also had bigger goals and aced them, aside from being like an hour later than I expected, but fuck it, I got them done. And even went to bed early, but had to take 1/2 a sleeping pill due to discomfort from grumpy shoulder. Big ones: 1. Get a new spoke for the rear bike wheel, put in place and true the wheel - aced, really need to replace the rim though, brakes also need replacing as not returning to rest position properly. 2. Make choc fudge to provide sugar to get around depression induced physical fatigue - mostly successful, fudge didn't set properly, but it's still usable enough. Next time, stir moar in cooling phase 3. The Big One - Bike 11km out to the Waimakariri river for a swim, have a swim (more of a potter around, because floods changed the river considerable) and bike 11Km back home - Aced it, have new swimming spots semi-sorted, legs pretty much okay, left shoulder grumpy, but not seriously. Fudge worked and didn't suffer from low blood pressure or legs being dead. Today's a blob day though, and has to be because my lower back is now complaining significantly enough that standing leads to pain and my left shoulder's still complaining. Which also means no doing the fucking greenhouse finally until the weekend. Since through painful prior lessons I've learnt not to overdo it when my back starts complaining ;-; But anyhow - this hopefully means I can actually get more shit done, primarily getting out on the bike more since the three pillars of keeping my depression manageable are sleep, exercise and brain pills and 2019 was shit (2019 terror attack in my home city of Christchurch + rolled right ankle badly) for exercise so sleep and brain pills both suffered. Sadly though even getting back into exercising more wont get me out of the current depressive episode (per the last couple of summers attempts), but I'll take better fitness and an excellent chilli harvest instead. Since those I can fluffing do. Along with actually mowing the lawns before they become a hellscape of long grass. So thanks /r/ADHD for showing me how to use my smart phone better via using google Tasks. Now to find out how the fuck to make the damn thing give me audio notifications so I can notice them better :P Along with managing the bigger long term tasks of saving up for a trip in Easter, because ""ooooh, shiny"" is totes a problem I have. And manage the new computer build, because my current guts are 10 years old. So here's hoping yesterday's successes is the start of a better year.",PrettyMuchAMess,1,0,0,2020-01-02 02:19:02,ADHD,"Set myself 5 different things to do yesterday, 2 where daily take-your-fucking-anti-depressants, but I also had bigger goals and aced them, aside from being like an hour later than I expected, but fuck it, I got them done. And even went to bed early, but had to take 1/2 a sleeping pill due to discomfort from grumpy shoulder. Big ones: 1. Get a new spoke for the rear bike wheel, put in place and true the wheel - aced, really need to replace the rim though, brakes also need replacing as not returning to rest position properly. 2. Make choc fudge to provide sugar to get around depression induced physical fatigue - mostly successful, fudge didn't set properly, but it's still usable enough. Next time, stir moar in cooling phase 3. The Big One - Bike 11km out to the Waimakariri river for a swim, have a swim (more of a potter around, because floods changed the river considerable) and bike 11Km back home - Aced it, have new swimming spots semi-sorted, legs pretty much okay, left shoulder grumpy, but not seriously. Fudge worked and didn't suffer from low blood pressure or legs being dead. Today's a blob day though, and has to be because my lower back is now complaining significantly enough that standing leads to pain and my left shoulder's still complaining. Which also means no doing the fucking greenhouse finally until the weekend. Since through painful prior lessons I've learnt not to overdo it when my back starts complaining ;-; But anyhow - this hopefully means I can actually get more shit done, primarily getting out on the bike more since the three pillars of keeping my depression manageable are sleep, exercise and brain pills and 2019 was shit (2019 terror attack in my home city of Christchurch + rolled right ankle badly) for exercise so sleep and brain pills both suffered. Sadly though even getting back into exercising more wont get me out of the current depressive episode (per the last couple of summers attempts), but I'll take better fitness and an excellent chilli harvest instead. Since those I can fluffing do. Along with actually mowing the lawns before they become a hellscape of long grass. So thanks /r/ADHD for showing me how to use my smart phone better via using google Tasks. Now to find out how the fuck to make the damn thing give me audio notifications so I can notice them better :P Along with managing the bigger long term tasks of saving up for a trip in Easter, because ""ooooh, shiny"" is totes a problem I have. And manage the new computer build, because my current guts are 10 years old. So here's hoping yesterday's successes is the start of a better year.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 em348g,I need some help . I have a mastrubation addiction.,1a,help-seeking,1,"No I’m not joking. I’m too embarrassed to go to a doctor and its not that bad anyway. I mastrubate 5-6 times a week and it’s gettin to me. It doesn’t disrupt daily things, but I have started hating myself for it. Every time I do it I berate myself, but I don’t stop. I’ve wanted to try and reach out to someone for a while, but I just haven’t. Any help or suggestions would be awesome. I just want to stop, I don’t know how though.",spoofking42,1,0,13,2020-01-09 02:24:31,addiction,"I need some help . I have a mastrubation addiction. No I’m not joking. I’m too embarrassed to go to a doctor and its not that bad anyway. I mastrubate 5-6 times a week and it’s gettin to me. It doesn’t disrupt daily things, but I have started hating myself for it. Every time I do it I berate myself, but I don’t stop. I’ve wanted to try and reach out to someone for a while, but I just haven’t. Any help or suggestions would be awesome. I just want to stop, I don’t know how though.",2,1,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how masturbation makes you feel,,,title,True,212 ejaxj0,Why are we like this?,0,chitchat,1,,OrganicFuckYou,6,0,2,2020-01-03 05:33:04,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 f7t2qr,"Abuser ""checking up"" on me.",0,rant,1,"Just got all these missed calls and texts tonight from him after he had not harassed me for almost 2 weeks. He's saying he's ""checking up on me"" to make sure that I'm ok. well no I'm not okay thanks to you choking me. I'm not responding of course. https://imgur.com/owTYLyY https://imgur.com/scUST1B",Throwawayox1,1,0,9,2020-02-22 14:18:22,domesticviolence,"Just got all these missed calls and texts tonight from him after he had not harassed me for almost 2 weeks. He's saying he's ""checking up on me"" to make sure that I'm ok. well no I'm not okay thanks to you choking me. I'm not responding of course. https://imgur.com/owTYLyY https://imgur.com/scUST1B",1,1,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why he choked you,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how did the harassment make you feel,What do you need help with now that X?,you got missed calls from your abuser,,True,110 eicbbf,Entering the new decade the wrong way,1a,rant,2,This will be my first New Years in 3 years without my girlfriend to kiss. We broke up on Christmas of all times. My friends want me to come over but all they wanna do is smoke and play board games. I quit smoking for my ex and stayed quit for myself. The board games were ones my ex and I played all the time:/I honestly hate how 2019 is ending and I can’t help but feel hopeless for 2020.. I thought I’d be marrying her and starting a family in 2020.. three weeks ago we were planning on where we were gonna move to start our family.. now she wants to run off to Vegas to be a stripper.. I never prevented any of her dreams because I thought it sounded exciting and hot.. but all she wants is to find her individuality again. I’d still take her back in a heart beat and I hate that.. I just want to find a nice bridge to jump off of but I can’t because my family would be devastated.. this year and this decade is just ending so badly and no one seems to get it,The_Mortal_Ban,1,0,1,2020-01-01 01:50:35,sad,This will be my first New Years in 3 years without my girlfriend to kiss. We broke up on Christmas of all times. My friends want me to come over but all they wanna do is smoke and play board games. I quit smoking for my ex and stayed quit for myself. The board games were ones my ex and I played all the time:/I honestly hate how 2019 is ending and I can’t help but feel hopeless for 2020.. I thought I’d be marrying her and starting a family in 2020.. three weeks ago we were planning on where we were gonna move to start our family.. now she wants to run off to Vegas to be a stripper.. I never prevented any of her dreams because I thought it sounded exciting and hot.. but all she wants is to find her individuality again. I’d still take her back in a heart beat and I hate that.. I just want to find a nice bridge to jump off of but I can’t because my family would be devastated.. this year and this decade is just ending so badly and no one seems to get it,2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are feeling upset about your breakup,,True,220 ekbymx,Me. Definitely me. Anyone else?,0,survey,1,,OatsyGetsIt,13,0,4,2020-01-05 11:37:27,socialanxiety,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ej838y,Something you don’t ask irl...,0,survey,1,How frequently do “normal” people think about offing themselves?,SpiralAsh,2,0,14,2020-01-03 01:41:26,ptsd,How frequently do “normal” people think about offing themselves?,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 ek7pwx,What does an average persons life look like?,0,survey,1,"Does anyone else have a picture of excitement as to what other people's lives might look like and compare it to their own, and feel low?",cheese_monkey_92,6,0,11,2020-01-05 04:01:50,mentalillness,"Does anyone else have a picture of excitement as to what other people's lives might look like and compare it to their own, and feel low?",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eldf1n,58 days,0,chitchat,1,"58 days clean from all opiates, alcohol, benzos, completely clean from everything for the first time since I was 12 years old and I'm 35. I feel better than ever. Just saying if I can do it anyone can do it. Trust in a higher power, get in AA or NA join a fellowship of people that you can relate to it helps more than you could ever know. Much love people.",bigbadchad84,1,0,11,2020-01-07 16:02:08,OpiatesRecovery,"58 days clean from all opiates, alcohol, benzos, completely clean from everything for the first time since I was 12 years old and I'm 35. I feel better than ever. Just saying if I can do it anyone can do it. Trust in a higher power, get in AA or NA join a fellowship of people that you can relate to it helps more than you could ever know. Much love people.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ejotmt,Partners self harm- please help,1b,help-seeking,2,"Hello everyone, I have recently sought out this community so if I am breaking any rules please let me know and I’ll edit this post accordingly. I’m married to a wonderful, complex man. He also happens to self harm in a way that most would not even admit is self harm, because there are no scars. He hits himself, very hard. Today, while visiting his parents and sister, he began acting very moody and childish while everyone was just trying to help him. He kept getting more and more angry the more people tried to help. Then once we began watching a tv show he started talking as it began and I “shh”’d him. He lost it, started complaining and being rude. We all tried to calm him but instead of hearing our pleas he went to the other room and hit himself. When he returned he put a cold can on his head and whispered to me that he may have a concussion from hitting himself too hard in the head. He then told me to be quiet and wouldn’t share this with anyone else. I don’t know what to do. Every time he does this it gets worse. I’ve tried talking to him about it but nothing helps. He sees a therapist but refuses to tell them because he is ashamed. He needs help but I don’t know what else to do.",youngbettydraper,1,0,0,2020-01-04 00:46:11,selfharm,"Hello everyone, I have recently sought out this community so if I am breaking any rules please let me know and I’ll edit this post accordingly. I’m married to a wonderful, complex man. He also happens to self harm in a way that most would not even admit is self harm, because there are no scars. He hits himself, very hard. Today, while visiting his parents and sister, he began acting very moody and childish while everyone was just trying to help him. He kept getting more and more angry the more people tried to help. Then once we began watching a tv show he started talking as it began and I “shh”’d him. He lost it, started complaining and being rude. We all tried to calm him but instead of hearing our pleas he went to the other room and hit himself. When he returned he put a cold can on his head and whispered to me that he may have a concussion from hitting himself too hard in the head. He then told me to be quiet and wouldn’t share this with anyone else. I don’t know what to do. Every time he does this it gets worse. I’ve tried talking to him about it but nothing helps. He sees a therapist but refuses to tell them because he is ashamed. He needs help but I don’t know what else to do.",2,0,0,,,How did X make you feel?,your partner hitting his head,What do you need help with now that X?,your partner's self harm tendencies are getting worse,,True,200 f4opsh,Help stop domestic violence/abuse. DONATE,0,chitchat,1,,stopviolence2020,1,0,0,2020-02-16 10:02:05,domesticviolence,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 f48i99,Nightmares and recovery,0,survey,1,Has anyone successfully gotten over nightmares?,thelizziepants,1,0,21,2020-02-15 11:58:52,rapecounseling,Nightmares and recovery Has anyone successfully gotten over nightmares?,1,0,1,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your nightmares,How did X make you feel?,your nightmares,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you overcome your nightmares,,True,101 eicgp4,Why am I like this ?,1a,rant,1,"There is a deep feeling of sadness that seems to possess my mind and body every now and again. I have this one vivid memory from when I was about 7 years old. I lived with both of my parent in an old apartment on the third floor. I sat on the arm rest of the couch in my living room and stared out the window at rickety old cars passing on the street, at the corner of my eye I spotted an old man smoking a cigarette. He had dirty grey jeans, a black shirt with holes, and shoulder length hair tucked into a winter hat. It had to have been about 80 degrees on a hot summer day. Thinking back on this he could have very well just been a hipster, but let’s just go with my 7 year old perspective and say he was indeed homeless. As I watched him slowly walk by I imagined myself leaving my body and seeing life through his eyes. The longer I stared the stronger it became, I imagined the feeling of every step he took on the hot cement and the smell of burning tobacco, I felt the confusion and desperation he must have felt every night while he searched for a safe place to sleep. I began to break down into tears and feel ashamed for having a place to sleep, and food in my refrigerator. I felt as though I didn’t deserve the things that I had because others were more deserving. I remember not eating for the rest of the day because I felt so guilty for just being alive, which is absolutely ridiculous at the age of SEVEN. I still have these feelings a few times a week, they’re so strong and take control of my mind. They make me feel weak and tired. I feel undeserving and invisible most days. I’ve given away money and belongings. I’ve even gone so far as to let people use me emotionally and sexually just to make them happy. This story escalated quickly. I don’t know what kind of response I’m looking for with this post, I’m more writing my thoughts out. Thanks for reading",xmikfaith1211,1,0,1,2020-01-01 02:04:36,depression,"There is a deep feeling of sadness that seems to possess my mind and body every now and again. I have this one vivid memory from when I was about 7 years old. I lived with both of my parent in an old apartment on the third floor. I sat on the arm rest of the couch in my living room and stared out the window at rickety old cars passing on the street, at the corner of my eye I spotted an old man smoking a cigarette. He had dirty grey jeans, a black shirt with holes, and shoulder length hair tucked into a winter hat. It had to have been about 80 degrees on a hot summer day. Thinking back on this he could have very well just been a hipster, but let’s just go with my 7 year old perspective and say he was indeed homeless. As I watched him slowly walk by I imagined myself leaving my body and seeing life through his eyes. The longer I stared the stronger it became, I imagined the feeling of every step he took on the hot cement and the smell of burning tobacco, I felt the confusion and desperation he must have felt every night while he searched for a safe place to sleep. I began to break down into tears and feel ashamed for having a place to sleep, and food in my refrigerator. I felt as though I didn’t deserve the things that I had because others were more deserving. I remember not eating for the rest of the day because I felt so guilty for just being alive, which is absolutely ridiculous at the age of SEVEN. I still have these feelings a few times a week, they’re so strong and take control of my mind. They make me feel weak and tired. I feel undeserving and invisible most days. I’ve given away money and belongings. I’ve even gone so far as to let people use me emotionally and sexually just to make them happy. This story escalated quickly. I don’t know what kind of response I’m looking for with this post, I’m more writing my thoughts out. Thanks for reading",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,feel overwhelmed by your feelings,,True,220 eoivcb,My husband is going to kill me.,1b,rant,1,"No that’s not dramatic. It’s a fact...a sad fact that over the last 15years has developed into a reality for me. He doesn’t care if he goes to jail or our kids go to foster care. He has made that very clear. With each outburst of screaming and violence I know I’m one day closer to the inevitable. Yes I know I should leave but he will find us no matter where we go. There is no relief. There is no answer. I’ve thought about killing him, I’ve even planned it but my luck the police won’t believe me. Either way he wins. I can’t tell anyone in my life any of this. I’ve hidden it so well for so long. I’m just so tired of being belittled daily and flinching with any sudden movement. I support our goddamn household and he acts like he’s the one that’s worked hard. I don’t need him but I know it’s pointless to run. I’m going to die at his hands...it’s just a matter of time. I don’t want your pity or anything...I just needed to get this out of my head for once.",ABeautifulBrokenMind,1,0,19,2020-01-14 09:03:47,domesticviolence,"My husband is going to kill me. No that’s not dramatic. It’s a fact...a sad fact that over the last 15years has developed into a reality for me. He doesn’t care if he goes to jail or our kids go to foster care. He has made that very clear. With each outburst of screaming and violence I know I’m one day closer to the inevitable. Yes I know I should leave but he will find us no matter where we go. There is no relief. There is no answer. I’ve thought about killing him, I’ve even planned it but my luck the police won’t believe me. Either way he wins. I can’t tell anyone in my life any of this. I’ve hidden it so well for so long. I’m just so tired of being belittled daily and flinching with any sudden movement. I support our goddamn household and he acts like he’s the one that’s worked hard. I don’t need him but I know it’s pointless to run. I’m going to die at his hands...it’s just a matter of time. I don’t want your pity or anything...I just needed to get this out of my head for once.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ejc768,My friend,1b,help-seeking,1,"A while back I talked to my friend briefly about my relapse and I promised her if I relapsed again we would talk to the school counselor about it. Literally a day after that I cut again because well it’s and addiction and I couldn’t control myself. I told her and I said that we could go to the counselor sometime, but I made sure that it didn’t happen. She ended up telling a teacher that I knew and he talked to me and asked if I was ok. Of course I lied and said yes, he hasn’t told my parents (I’m pretty sure). I never thought I’d be so mad at her, I can’t believe she went behind my back and I’m just pissed. Is my anger justified?",CrabsAreNeat,2,0,4,2020-01-03 07:37:44,selfharm,"A while back I talked to my friend briefly about my relapse and I promised her if I relapsed again we would talk to the school counselor about it. Literally a day after that I cut again because well it’s and addiction and I couldn’t control myself. I told her and I said that we could go to the counselor sometime, but I made sure that it didn’t happen. She ended up telling a teacher that I knew and he talked to me and asked if I was ok. Of course I lied and said yes, he hasn’t told my parents (I’m pretty sure). I never thought I’d be so mad at her, I can’t believe she went behind my back and I’m just pissed. Is my anger justified?",1,2,1,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what made you cut yourself again,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your friend told the teacher about your self harm,,True,121 frhouf,Got laid off and porbably I wont see this girl any more.,1b,help-seeking,2," Yesterday I got fired from my job. I had worked there for 10 months as an intern. I had a really good relationship with everyone there. I made very good impressions on everybody for being working there few months. This week many people was getting laid off for companys fear to coronavirus lowering their cash flow. That was not the only reason I got fired. Boss knew I was interested in moving on to other area in the same company, so he choose to fire me because I was not interested anymore working in that area. Many of my coworkers were amazed that I was fired and some of them tried to convince the boss to keep me but they couldnt. Im gonna miss a lot of them. They were all good to me and teached me when I was new. I gonna specially miss this girl to who I started to feel something for her the last couple of weeks. We used to eat everyday together, talk and joke together. I dont know if she was on to me. She have a boyfriend but she told me that she didnt wanted to be with him anymore. I dont know if Im really in love with her or its only because she was the only girl I talked to in a while. Last time I had a gf was when I was 14. Since then, talking to girls is hard for me. 2 weeks ago, she was on home office and I was still going to the office. Those days where terrible for me, I felt that I needed to be with her and that feeling made me sad and made me lose weight because I was not eating what I normally would. Last week she returned to the office and all that bad feeling disappeared, everything went back to normal. But now that I was laid off and that maybe I wont see her again, Im feeling depressed. She told me that we should keep in contact and to go out when all this quarantine thing ends, but I dont know if she only said that to make me feel better. We talked on the phone for 1 hour at night the day I was laid off. But now she seems very cold when answering messages. I cant help but think that all compliments coworkers gave me for my work were fake and that this girl only talked to me because she felt sorry for me. But I am sure I am overthinking. Usually when I feel like this I go to the gym and then I feel better, but now with all this virus thing I cant go. Is there any way I can feel better? I tried working out in my house but it wont work. Tried playing video games but wont work. Tried watching tv series and movies but I cant focus. Sorry for my bad English. Its my second language.",NoParking7,1,0,0,2020-03-30 01:31:14,getting_over_it," Yesterday I got fired from my job. I had worked there for 10 months as an intern. I had a really good relationship with everyone there. I made very good impressions on everybody for being working there few months. This week many people was getting laid off for companys fear to coronavirus lowering their cash flow. That was not the only reason I got fired. Boss knew I was interested in moving on to other area in the same company, so he choose to fire me because I was not interested anymore working in that area. Many of my coworkers were amazed that I was fired and some of them tried to convince the boss to keep me but they couldn't. Im gonna miss a lot of them. They were all good to me and teached me when I was new. I gonna specially miss this girl to who I started to feel something for her the last couple of weeks. We used to eat everyday together, talk and joke together. I dont know if she was on to me. She have a boyfriend but she told me that she didnt wanted to be with him anymore. I dont know if Im really in love with her or its only because she was the only girl I talked to in a while. Last time I had a gf was when I was 14. Since then, talking to girls is hard for me. 2 weeks ago, she was on home office and I was still going to the office. Those days where terrible for me, I felt that I needed to be with her and that feeling made me sad and made me lose weight because I was not eating what I normally would. Last week she returned to the office and all that bad feeling disappeared, everything went back to normal. But now that I was laid off and that maybe I wont see her again, Im feeling depressed. She told me that we should keep in contact and to go out when all this quarantine thing ends, but I dont know if she only said that to make me feel better. We talked on the phone for 1 hour at night the day I was laid off. But now she seems very cold when answering messages. I cant help but think that all compliments coworkers gave me for my work were fake and that this girl only talked to me because she felt sorry for me. But I am sure I am overthinking. Usually when I feel like this I go to the gym and then I feel better, but now with all this virus thing I cant go. Is there any way I can feel better? I tried working out in my house but it wont work. Tried playing video games but wont work. Tried watching tv series and movies but I cant focus. Sorry for my bad English. Its my second language.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eis2bu,I Needed to Let My Worries Out.,1a,rant,1,"I am the one everyone comes to but I have no one to turn to when I am troubled. I can't be a burden to those who already carry heavy loads. Generosity has left me poor and homeless. I never thought it would end up this way. So much for the golden years, yes? I have no more tears and that is a literal truth. $10.00 is a lot of money now and $300.00 is a king's ransom, I can't afford the few bills I have. I love my family, my children and my friends but they lean on me and are condescending in return. I am breaking, little by little but I hide the cracks well. I sleep on a sofa at my oldest apartment so, I have that much and I am grateful.",playsfootywithyorick,1,0,0,2020-01-02 02:44:39,sad,"I am the one everyone comes to but I have no one to turn to when I am troubled. I can't be a burden to those who already carry heavy loads. Generosity has left me poor and homeless. I never thought it would end up this way. So much for the golden years, yes? I have no more tears and that is a literal truth. $10.00 is a lot of money now and $300.00 is a king's ransom, I can't afford the few bills I have. I love my family, my children and my friends but they lean on me and are condescending in return. I am breaking, little by little but I hide the cracks well. I sleep on a sofa at my oldest apartment so, I have that much and I am grateful.",1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how generosity have left you poor,How did X make you feel?,your situation,What do you need help with now that X?,nobody is helping you in these troubled times,,True,100 el052q,Guys I am 5 days sober,1a,rant,2,I've been addicted to uppers for about 5 years now. It's destroyed relationships and I lost my kids about a year ago. I have no job I am currently at Rock bottom for the past couple of months now. I've never thought about suicide the way I have been until recently. The only way I am able to calm myself down in order to sleep is to lay in bed and think of ways to kill myself. I've decided things need to change it's time to get my life in order. My boyfriend of a year doesn't know that I am an addict I am able to hide it well. Today I asked him to take my debit card and go with me to store's to control my spending and to basically make sure I don't have a way to buy drugs. I have to stay positive and think of the positives in life. Today was the first day I was actually able to get my chores done and look into work. I feel good about myself today.,garbage_queen138,1,0,30,2020-01-06 20:53:43,addiction,I've been addicted to uppers for about 5 years now. It's destroyed relationships and I lost my kids about a year ago. I have no job I am currently at Rock bottom for the past couple of months now. I've never thought about suicide the way I have been until recently. The only way I am able to calm myself down in order to sleep is to lay in bed and think of ways to kill myself. I've decided things need to change it's time to get my life in order. My boyfriend of a year doesn't know that I am an addict I am able to hide it well. Today I asked him to take my debit card and go with me to store's to control my spending and to basically make sure I don't have a way to buy drugs. I have to stay positive and think of the positives in life. Today was the first day I was actually able to get my chores done and look into work. I feel good about myself today.,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 eicqy0,This is my new year party,0,chitchat,1,,Abchid,1,0,15,2020-01-01 02:31:13,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000