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French | Mes parents me rendent suicidaire Chaque fois que j'ai une opinion, mes parents l'éteignent, ils ne me laissent pas parler, je ne sais pas, je ne sais pas, je ne sais pas, je ne sais pas, je ne sais pas, je ne sais pas, je ne sais pas, je ne sais pas, je ne sais pas, je ne sais pas, je ne veux pas, je ne veux pas, je ne veux pas, je ne veux pas. |
French | null |
French | J'ai perdu la volonté de vivre le jour où je suis mort Oui merveilleux titre mais trop vrai Je me battais pour ma vie avec le cancer pendant des mois Au cours d'une opération pour enlever la tumeur Je suis mort sur la table d'opération pendant plusieurs minutes Depuis lors, je n'ai pas senti la même chose J'ai eu une note écrite depuis, et j'ai fait de mon mieux pour ne pas finir ce travail |
French | Depuis de nombreuses années maintenant ont parfois eu des sentiments suicidaires Chaque fois que vous voulez faire vous tuer heures d'attente st Il peut passer Ne pas oublier que la plupart qui essaient et échouent trouver de nouvelles raisons de vivre Je ne sais pas vraiment pourquoi j'ai commencé à poster ici Je sais récemment J'ai envie de me tuer à nouveau Mais je n'aurai pas de responsabilités |
English | I failed at everything failed at everything I have no idea where time went I just turned I have no job no friends didn't graduate high school I don't even know how to drive a car for the past year I have literally been in the house Seems like depression took over my life not to make things worse I could even pass the GED test I literally feel stuck in my head filled with anxiety and paranoia my only option is to get a minimum wage job by the time I save enough money to buy a car I will be well halfway in to IDK how bad my situation is, but it has gotten worse Something about my physical appearance has always kept me from life It's possible that all these years in isolation I fucked myself into brain damage Since ever I could remember I always felt lesser than my peers maybe it s BCZ I started school late and never caught up I have no talent I literally can't do anything useful life has turned to hell I have seen this coming since I was suicide is the only option for me, I hate this so much I don't want to die I don't want my life to be like this chained in my head and I literally can do nothing to save myself why do I have to die whyyyyy whyyyyyyyyy |
English | Giving UPI lost all my hope in life and in the people around me, I'm so emotional and sad and everyone hates me for it When I get upset people get mad and question me When I'm happy people question me What the fuck My mom is always mad and it's hard being a single mom with demanding girls, but I just wish she would reach out My dad just cares about one thing which isn't me I just want to let go I want to be gone What the heck is wrong with me, I'm not normal |
English | This is for you don't know who you are or where you re at in life right now but it doesn't matter Things are hard and that's ok There are people out there that understand believe me There are people out there that care even if it doesn't seem that way sometimes I have been struggling with suicidal thoughts for a very long time I have made a post on here three months ago that day I didn't attempt I hated myself for who I am I thought my death was the only possible solution I thought it was the only option I had left I attempted suicide in February that was the second time I nearly died My sister s birthday was two days ago mine is coming up soon I have been struggling with substance abuse I have been off of hard drugs for a month now My family is very religious, but they are more accepting of me being gay than I could have ever imagined If I had succeeded I would have missed out on so many things I would have missed out on my sister growing up or playing fetch with the dog my neighbors recently adopted I would have never seen the way water clings to cobwebs again I would have missed out on the concert I went to with my friends or the new album that's coming out I would have missed out on life I'm not going to say that it will get better because that will most likely not help you and because it might not seem like it does But it got better for me, I used to think that I wouldn't mind missing out on all those things because I would be dead but that's not true |
English | Finding a way to do it isn't the hard part There are so many lethal things in this world you just got to know how to use them You could kill yourself with almost anything if you're creative enough I am confident that I would be able to kill myself using a bag of apples or cherries But even if you're not as weird as me there are so many ways to end it I just can't do it because I emotionally can't Because I don't want to let some people down Because I don't want to be a burden Because funerals are expensive Because of the very few things that used to make me happy and now I so desperately want to be happy again even though I know it will take years or maybe not happen at all Man I wish I could just end it all I'm just fucking up everything I used to feel like my life going down was because of stuff I couldn't control and felt like shit because I couldn't even change my life Now my life is going down because I'm too fucking dumb to be an adult This time it is my fault that my life is getting worse Feels even shittier I wish I could just die in an accident so it wouldn't be my fault amp x B Fuck it I just want to be dead |
French | Étrangement calme, j'ai beaucoup réfléchi à la façon dont j'ai perdu tous mes amis, comment je ne peux m'ouvrir à personne, parce qu'ils ne savent pas quoi faire et laisseront comment, si je ne leur dis pas que je ne leur fais pas confiance, alors ils partent de toute façon et comment je ne peux pas garder une mentalité droite, je suis bipolaire et non médiatisée, je ne me fais pas confiance à moi-même. |
French | Ma fin est proche Je suis content et soulagé Longue histoire courte ma vie a été une longue, longue période de souffrance J'ai baisé mon enfance J'ai baisé mes coeurs J'ai peut-être BPD ou au moins des symptômes très drastiques vers elle Harcèlement et long temps dépression et pensées suicidaires J'ai fini par mourir ici parce que mes amis et ma famille ont peur de ce foutre et bien je ne veux pas les aider |
French | Toujours ici ne pense pas que je vais réellement faire quoi que ce soit, mais je suis toujours là et certainement toujours suicidaire, je me suis réveillé en souhaitant que j'étais mort et avec mon mari ce matin, je suis toujours aux prises avec des problèmes de santé, j'ai programmé tous mes rendez-vous chez le médecin et j'ai été informé que je dois avoir une biopsie, je dois encore perdre une énorme quantité de poids, je suis fatigué parce que je suis en train |
English | Why do I keep coming to this stupid website instead of just offing myself don't have a reason to live and I hate looking at the posts here but I can't even die right |
French | Personne insensible encourage le suicide C'est un nouveau compte que j'ai récemment été arrasés et traqués sur mon compte régulier J'ai récemment rencontré ce gars qui encourage constamment les gens à se suicider par email Ce gars Ray Curtis Wood envoie des courriels sectaires et haineux leur disant de se tuer Faites attention si vous en obtenez un C'est une personne tellement haineuse |
English | I m Done I am usually the one to lurk this and send reassuring messages However I recently made a temporary account just for this occasion See I know people have it way worse than I do but that doesn't made me feel any better If anything it makes me feel worse because I'm selfish enough to only think of myself while these guys are battling through it and rising to the top This gives me more ammo to just off it Basically I think I'm going to get a B average this semester This seems not bad for some people but for my family this is ridicule territory I got another B today sealing my semester s fate When I told my mother to possibly try to comfort me a little she gave me the cold shoulder and told me that I'm acting insane I wasn't I just asked her if she could offer some words of wisdom or something I shouldn't be surprised considering her history of neglect and physical harm she s caused throughout my childhood The main thing that bothers me about her is how she mocks people for being dykes or f s I'm gay She doesn't support me She never will The thing is I know this is something mild However not only will my family be ashamed of me and pretty much write me off as the stupid one but it actually ruins my self concept If I'm not the creative genius girl who the hell am I My parents and I sort of had that image in mind for me for YEARS and that's now shattered I've struggled with who I am for years and that brings me back to square one I'd normally distract myself with friends but here's the catch I don't have any Not a best friend not a regular friend not even some kind acquaintances I am the socially awkward loser who sits in the corner I have fucking no one to help me out or to distract me or to do any of that shit I know these issues seem mild but I've been suffering with my mental health for years now and I've been dealing with on and off suicidal thoughts for around one year along with the regular depression and anxiety I've had since elementary school I think I'll probably jump off the roof later once nobody s home to bitch at me with the typical anti suicide trashy plead You're a fucking quitter Well if you re going to be a quitter then fucking do it is s really annoying and I d rather not have that be the last words I hear for the shrill tone alone It s kind of come to this I guess I'm too depressed for school I'm too depressed for home I'm too depressed for work This is pretty much all that's left Now will I be too depressed to do this That s something I guess I'll find out later |
English | It s Christmas Eve and all I can think about is how depressed I am and different ways of doing it I just don't want to live I have little reason to live I just want to be gone and over with I find myself hoping that someone will kill me or hurt me or use me |
English | Grieving and feeling sad all the time Every since my dad passed away I felt like a cloud of sadness and despair came over my life Sure I can be happy in some moments but once it's passed and I'm alone I'd feel sad and fantasize about killing myself to end the pain and join him in death When he was alive I drank and partied for fun and to be happy And now when he s gone even drinking and socializing do nothing for me and feel like a chore This whole ordeal has drained me of my confidence and left me full of self-doubt I'm feeling so ugly and worthless now It s been a few months now since he passed, but the sadness still lingers like a shadow I just want this sadness to go away |
French | Je me coupe aujourd'hui des fois où je ne le fais pas normalement, je me sens tellement impuissant et perdu à boire a recommencé à faire des ravages, je me sens tellement hors de contrôle de ma vie |
English | Getting Closer and Closer every day Thousands of dollars behind on bills rent is due in a couple of days and my wife and I can't even stop fighting long enough to talk about how we are going to try and fix things I don't know what to do, and I don't want to be alive when we get evicted, but then I look at my kids and I just cry Part of me doesn't want to leave them but there's a part that just doesn't care I guess I've struggled on and off with the thought of killing myself for at least a decade but it's never been this bad before I've always been the kind of person to just run away when shit gets tough but this time I have nowhere to run to Please tell me it can get better Please help me see it because right now I just want to be gone |
English | I am so fucking ugly I want to kill myself just took a photo of my side profile and almost burst into tears because of how disgusting I look I'm so fucking hideous, and I can't take it anymore No guy would ever want someone as disgusting as me as a girlfriend no one wants to be friends with a disgusting loser like me, I was feeling fine two hours ago, and now I want to jump off a cliff |
French | Je suis parfait pour cacher le fait que je sens que je ne peux plus faire ça, j'ai foiré ma vie au point que je ne pourrai jamais me réparer, je suis très en surpoids, je ne pourrai jamais trouver un emploi après que j'ai été viré de la dernière chose que j'ai eu et même si j'ai eu la chance de retourner à l'école, je sais que j'ai échoué. |
English | Tiredof everything honestly I don't see a reason here any more i m no quitter but everything is really shitty and i m hallucinating again and i m so tired and done and why am I on suicide watch when i m going to be dead soon anyway |
French | C'est trop demander la mort où la ligne n'est pas née avec des maladies mentales qui font qu'il est impossible de diriger une vie normale ou d'avoir un impact physique qui vous permet d'être juste un malade mental. |
French | Et encore au lit, je ne sais pas quoi faire, je suis inutile et je ne peux pas offrir d'aide à quelqu'un d'autre, je pleure toute la journée et je dors et je veux juste que ma vie s'arrête juste pour me glisser dans une douce mort, je ne peux pas continuer à me tuer, mais je me sentirais pas si je me sentais trop à l'étouffer, je me suis évanoui. |
English | I saw people die It's hard to get used to it People simply live and die One second one movement and you re gone People on this Subreddit died a lot of people in the whole world too and I want everyone to stop suffering I'd take all that suffering into me |
English | Pushed to the edge and trying to find hope haven't made a post like this before but have reached out in the past with career guidance and the such Right now I'm not doing well and I m in a really low place and am I trying to find some outlet that won't scare and worry my friends and family I've hit a breaking point and new rock bottom in the last years of depression and anxiety now knowing it as bipolar disorder with a recent diagnosis one month ago My post isn't a full as synopsis of everything and can never really be in a short post and may jump around My now ex-girlfriend and I had dated exactly one year when she told me she emotionally cheated on me for three months with one of her coworkers and made out with him when they got drunk one night Now Some of my best friends got married this week when my ex was the maid of honor I had a conversation with my ex before the wedding letting her know I wanted to be friends still and to get anything that might set either of us off out of the way for our friends to have their day many advice no on the friends with the ex especially in this situation but I still care about her as a person and now she is a good person that has fucked up I miss my relationship more than I miss her as a romantic partner and just want my friendship that I have had with her to remain I don't have many friends left around me The night before their wedding I got a text from my sister saying my dad had gone to the hospital and didn't say much more than that My sisters and my parents are the only blood family I have that cares anything for me and my parents had stopped talking to me since my recent diagnosis of Bi Polar disorder They don't understand it and Don't believe I am and think I'm chasing something that doesn't exists The next morning I tried to prop myself up for my friends wedding being happy for them and trying to forget my problems to be able to But I wasn't able to I feel so guilty and ashamed of myself but After drinking a little much I pushed my ex too far asking if she still wanted to be friends and if she was ok at the celebration after their wedding Beating the dead horse as we both promised not to do And told her I don't think being friends will ever work I knew I fucked up immediately and left the wedding and drove home I abandoned and ran away from all the family I had at their wedding My friends and fraternity brothers All this is too much for me right now with the added fact I've changed myself for other people to please and keep them around like my ex and family I also followed my ex to an area and got a job that I don't find meaningful or fulfilling And the fact I lost all sense of accomplishment and fulfillment in activities I used to love I lead myself down a self-destructive trail in the pursuit of what I thought would make me whole I know now that it's a problem I need to work on I've sent an apology to my ex and my friends today to try to mend things a little I don't know how they feel but I can imagine it hurts is frustrating and an annoyance they didn't need I promised everyone around me, I would never kill myself That it would magnify the pain I'm feeling and put it on to them, I'm just so unstable right now even on medication therapy and exercise I know I can reach out to my friends for support and don't want to burden them I'm just so afraid and lonely right now I don't want to die but death is looking more and more favorable I just want the unnecessary guilt and pain to go away To anyone that reads this thank you |
French | J'ai peur mais j'ai tellement honte que je me suis perdu financièrement et que je détruis ma vie avec la volonté de ne rien faire, je sais que je dois faire cela, j'ai laissé des notes sur ma porte et sur ma table. |
English | Im turning on Monday and i don't want to exist for it am I turning and I have struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts since freshman year of high school everything in my life right now is turning to shit my boyfriend and I are long distance, and we were planning on being together for my spring break, but it is looking like it won't happen I feel like a failure I do not want to live I keep fucking everything up and everything is always my fault this is really the only option and I do not want to see another year another fucking birthday of insincere greetings and awkwardness I have already bought the supplies I need I plan on it tonight |
English | Yrs old suicide is a very real option right now am years old as the titles suggests and hate my life I have been depressed on and off for the past three or so years sometimes severely I suffer from quite severe social anxiety too and never ever go out of my house to meet up with the few friends I do have and I do mean actually never The last time I went to a location other than my home and school was over a year ago can you see how my life is shit with literally locations in it Home school I have thought abstractly about suicide for a couple of years more recently I have been contemplating it seriously and devoting an unhealthy amount of time to thinking about it every day I am in trouble at school for minor stupid shit and am I having my balls busted over it I am so sad and don't see any way out of this shitty life not can I see any semblance of an enjoyable future Ahh assessment week is next week what fucking fun I have a fairly reliable method I have the means and I plan to do it in school like maybe in the bathrooms or some corner corridor during a free period I don't expect anyone would have read this or would be willing to offer any advice |
English | No one comes to help Here I am Bottle of pills She knows I'll do it He last words to me are cruel I've said I love you and I'm sorry to whoever is important to me The world doesn't realize shit until someone kills themselves So to make this world bearable for those who aren't understood It s time for me to go Goodbye |
French | Mon ami s'est suicidé il y a quelques jours Ses arrangements sont privés et pour la famille seulement alors maintenant ce que mon ami et moi avions fréquenté pendant un court moment après notre première rencontre mais les choses n'ont pas fonctionné, et nous sommes restés assez bons amis pendant des années je le verrais régulièrement et même si je ne voyais pas ou ne lui parlais pas comment je pouvais m'entendre. |
English | Is anyone's life as fucked as mine Well here I go my life is fucked up I'm way beyond help, and it seems the only option is suicide Here's the thing I have severe anxiety I mean severe I can't leave my house I can't talk to anyone I can't even talk to my family My whole world is in my bedroom I have literally no friends I have no education high school dropout I more than likely have cancer huge lymph node swelling I've put on a lot of weight and now have stretch marks all over my body this is honestly the worst part I don't even care about the cancer These stretch marks are fucking awful they're so repulsive I can't even look at myself fin the mirror any more I live in a country as a temporary resident which means even if I wanted to get cancer treatment I couldn't I'd need to move back home which is impossible for me, I'm too scared to look at my bank account as I know I m in debt not much it's the monthly fee s that are adding up, and I have no income My life is pure hell I don't know why I'm writing this as I can't get help I could never go to the doctors that's far too terrifying I'm currently years old male I feel so ashamed So has anyone fucked up like me What did you do Thanks |
French | Je suis une coquille creuse d'un être humain je ne sais pas quoi faire ou comment me sentir plus je n'ai jamais eu de vrais amis sur qui compter Les gens sont naturellement agressifs envers moi ou me tiennent à des normes irréalistes juste pour que je puisse me sentir accepté. |
French | Elle m'a quitté pour quelqu'un d'autre si rapidement et tout ce que je veux faire est mort un peu nouveau, cela arriverait, nous avions beaucoup de problèmes, mais j'étais assez dévoué à elle pour les résoudre, il s'avère qu'elle n'était pas ma meilleure amie, nous avons parlé tous les jours, je vais manquer que je suppose que c'est une leçon pour être bon avec moi-même. |
French | Ce soir, face à une situation de travail très difficile qui peut finir par ruiner ma carrière et ma relation, je dois faire face à une réunion difficile demain et je me bats pour rester ensemble. Toute positivité m'aidera beaucoup si quelqu'un peut en épargner, je suis au bout du rouleau. |
English | Sick of the struggles things are getting harder and harder years ago my brother hung himself there have been other tragedies too, but this is by far the biggest one I have been in an e times in the last months for cutting I have tried so many medications over the years and never really had any professional help I have lost several jobs due to my illness PUPD or BPD as the Americans know it I currently have daily visits at home from the hospital psych team I actually get joy from cutting myself watching the blood flow it is I guess what I can only describe as obsession I have a grand total of friend I don't really leave my house except work I can't even entertain the thought of going out alone I'm physically sick at the prospect I am pretty sure I am being cheated on too I just want to be with my brother the only person who loves me us not even a person it is my German Shepherd and as it stands he is the ONLY reason I'm here I have supplies and have several different effective methods to use I guess the only reason I am posting here because there is obviously something within that wants me to stay but can't for the life of me think what it is I know I am a burden and my family don't speak to me because of my issues just don't know what I'm supposed to do help me please |
French | Mon thérapeute m'a dit que j'étais trop cassé pour réparer et que nous n'aurions qu'une seule séance de plus, je pensais avoir trouvé un endroit où je pourrais obtenir des médicaments pour cette merde, je me suis battu toute ma vie, c'est une clinique gratuite, mais ils ont des étudiants en santé mentale qui se portent volontaires, qui me prennent mes informations après chaque visite chez un vrai psychiatre, qui peuvent ensuite m'écrire une ordonnance. |
English | Job search has caused me to consider suicide know this sounds extreme but I am hopeless and just want out I left a job in December at a Shi y non-profit with a verbally abusive boss and thought that I could get back on my feet I'm live in NYC have a master s degree and an about five years of professional experience However I have applied to jobs and have had ONE interview It was a long process that led to rejection Aside from that I haven't even gotten rejections I spend time carefully crafting cover letters for each application and tweaking my resume for each one and don't get so much as a rejection email or even a confirmation that my application is being considered even when I follow up I used to be a very driven person with so many goals and now every day I just wake up and want to die However I don't want to hurt my parents or bf by taking my own life But then again I don't want to continue living Away I just needed to put this out there Maybe someone can relate |
English | Help Me Please m in so much pain I've had Sciatica for months now and it's only gotten worse Sure the chronic migraines and headaches are still there but this is ridiculous I m at a consistent on the pain scale whereby hydrocodone takes it only down to a for hours I can't afford the MRI I need to be able to get a Cortisone steroid shot in the disc area of my back I can't afford any more chiropractic nor physical therapy I can't afford to see my therapist any more My landlord also decided to not continue my lease for next year I told them I wasn't sure if I was going to move they took that as a yes and already rented out my room just telling me today I have no energy nor pain free time to clean my room let alone find a new place to live I have around days My credit is show because I have a dollar medical bill In collections since November and I'm not going to be able to afford rent this month I can't work the hours needed to survive some days I'm in just too much pain I can't do this any more America doesn't allow me to live and be in pain I can't afford to eat be pain free I'm sick of wrestling and tossing and turning in bed trying to find some relief every hour's OF THE GOD DAMN DAY I'm sick of waking up at am in pain I'm sick of having no security or safety in my life I have no one to help me I'm a student and technically an orphan both parents are gone What do I can't get out of bed I'm not going to be able to survive much longer |
English | Is there another side Will we be punished for suicide |
French | Je vais essayer à nouveau ce soir ne sais pas vraiment ce que les tentatives de suicide sont comme pour être honnête, je n'ai jamais essayé deux fois et cela n'a pas duré longtemps, je connais déjà toutes les étapes pour me pendre dans mon placard, mes parents ne quittent pas la maison très souvent quand je suis à la maison, donc je vais probablement essayer à nouveau ce soir avec ma ceinture de robe du mariage de mes parents ou une cravate une fois que tout le monde va dormir. |
English | haven't felt excited in a long times it normal that I just have lost excitement in anything that used to make me happy I feel tired all the time I feel guilty for not doing anything I'm bedridden most days I find it so fucking difficult to get up and face the day i don't really want to be part of the future anymore there's such a huge heaviness in my head it feels like its stopping me from thinking straight I want to get out and go but I'm pretty scared of dying but I'm just sinking into this hole of tiredness loss of motivation and drive I cant be bothered to see friends because i don't want to burden them with this stupid issue but IDK where to start i don't have money to see a psychologist and my parents are super religious and think that if I feel like this I just have to stop acting lazy if I express to them that I want to seek help they think I'm mental i don't want to bother anyone feel like my only option is to go sorry IDK how to format this better |
English | Passive suicidal So I've been thinking about this for months and months and years I didn't actually know the term for this but it's like I don't want to physically kill myself as I'm scared of surviving and deal with the aftermath, but I just wish I wasn't here I've been on antidepressants for a year IntelliJ and although it helps I can't help but always feel unhappy I work from home and great full to during these times and I look forward to future milestones, but I could be happy without I don't know I just feel empty when I was younger I wanted to physically kill myself but as I grow older I realize that I don't have the guts or I don't want to all the time I'm just constantly feeling in limbo Sorry for the rant but literally nothing is wrong in my life I do live with my mother and our relationship sucks I feel like I'm faking being ok when I have a glass of wine sometimes I'll mention to her in passing that I'm sad she blames it on my work from home job that I don't have enough of a routine But I thrive off routine so I do have one maybe not as structured when I went to school and had a job but I graduated so that routine is gone I'm just babbling but thanks for reading |
English | Stop it KNOW I have a good life I KNOW I'm blessed with the things in my life I KNOW the people around me care I KNOW I KNOW but it doesn't stop my brain from continuing to implode |
English | Who else is scared of going to hell if they suicide I am really scared that if I do kill myself I would go to dates hell and wouldn't be able to move really freaks me out I really hope there's no hell What are your thoughts |
English | I want to attempt again m and don't know what to do anymore i want to commit suicide again |
French | Pas moi, mais un ami à moi qui vit dans un autre état et que je ne peux contacter que virtuellement est suicidaire et a tenté de se suicider la nuit dernière. Elle vient de sortir de l'hôpital deux heures avant ce que je fais pour aider. Est-ce que je peux faire quoi que ce soit pour l'aider ou devrais-je m'inquiéter davantage pour moi-même et d'autres amis et les garder bien. |
English | F my life is going nowhere no talent no intelligence no support I know I was a happy baby, but I cannot remember ever feeling happy I hate where I live it's dull and creativity is shunned Young girls have the highest suicide rate here I am not going to be able to move to a city I would like in America because a no money b I'm an idiot and an ugly loser I've been told so my whole life by everyone c immigration d I have no skills or talent I get Cs in everything I have never been noticed by a boy my entire life the only time they see me is when they want to bully me I have motivation even writing this is too difficult I have to get work experience, but anywhere I want to work won't take me and my brain literally cannot work I don't know what's wrong with me but I'm going to go to Los Angeles some time in the future and kill myself by overdosing Bye |
English | I feel trapped Too tired to move on Just wish it was over So ten years ago at the age of I decided I wanted to be a doctor I had to take a gap year before I got into medical school, and I was miserable the whole year I worked a terrible job had no money and basically just slept and worked But I got in And I wasn't even excited making me think I was depressed before I even started, and it just got worse So I'm wrapping up my first year and actually doing rather well A s and B s So I'm not failing out But lately I don't feel like getting out of bed Taking a shower seems like a huge task I don't enjoy any of my hobbies And I keep taking risks in real life and I think I realized I don't care if I live or die Life seems so long and hard I don't want to kill myself but I sort of wish I never existed at all I have no friends My family barely ever talks to me, I actually drove up to see them over my break and none of them wanted to hang out I feel so alone I used to feel so passionate about helping people and found medicine so interesting Now I don't care But I'm so invested financially that ll I be ruined if I quit I'd be buried in loans And I know how much harder life could be from my gap year So basically fear of that life keeps me studying and forcing myself to show when I have to be in class But I know for a fact that if I would fail out I'd kill myself I'd make it look like an accident though so my family wouldn't be as sad I can't tell if my lack of motivation is purely depression or if I really want to quit after all this work I don't know any more Maybe once every few days I get this huge swell of emotion and cry and think about how I want to keep going, so I can help people someday Other days I feel numb and empty I can barely put a sentence together without sounding crazy I am too poor to seek help Plus despite what they say I know that med students and doctors aren't treated like normal people We get the boot if we act weak Or we get a mark on our record that we can't handle stress which doctors must be able to do I think a small part of me might still want to live, but it is getting smaller and smaller I have no money to travel over the upcoming and last summer break of my life Nothing to do I don't know how I can last the summer alone |
English | Considering my first attempt in years hi Yeah I don't know what to write honestly I'm just really depressed today Probably not in the state to write anything decent Not that it matters since I already wrote my suicide note about weeks ago anyway so my close friends ll be fine And it still stands I don't know how I'll be able to continue on Some brief backstory I guess I moved to the US almost years ago I have a history of countless suicide attempts I lost track how many but haven't attempted since moving here After moving here I was staying at someone s place let s say a friend s place Well that ended So I've been homeless for over months now and it's SO FUCKING MISERABLE So cold So hungry So lonely That loneliness in particular is just ugh I don't have any friends here near me so I'm very starved on social interactions It may sound silly but I'm also VERY starved as far as touch goes Turning soon but I'm still a virgin haha And it's like I look good I'm female btw But I have SUCH SUCH bad social anxiety and I just can't deal with it, I'm too shy awkward to interact with people in any context at all I hate it I don't hate myself for being autistic anymore but I struggle with socializing a lot and it's very difficult The only time I'm not insanely anxious is when I use But continuous substance use is not sustainable hell I'm poor as fuck lol Today I've been wondering if I should just take as much as possible and slowly drift away from this lonely painful excuse of an existence |
English | I hope I can make it to I hope I can make it to But I don't know |
French | Rien à vivre pour rien dans la vie m'apporte du contenu ou me rend heureux La religion dit que le suicide est interdit Attendre la mort La famille me déteste m'a également été jeté à l'hôpital psychiatrique récemment pour avoir essayé de me tuer |
English | Going to do it on the July I hope months are enough to change my mind |
English | I've created a monster hell within my head Greetings to all kind enough to read this As said in my title i ve created a monster it haunts me it corrupts it destroys me from the inside and I can't escape it The solution has become very clear to me in a dream just last night after not sleeping for a week The world will not change with my absence in fact it will be made better It's a frightening thought when I s surrounded by people who I can't live without they don't feel the same way I do And, so I've decided to finally wake up from my horrible dream of a life Why I'm writing this I do not know maybe it's a cry for help Ridiculous isn't it |
English | I want to say thank you My brother Jin created this account He struggled with depression undiagnosed He was a lurker of this Subreddit On he took his own life my brother was always the most confident person I have ever met He strived to help others in any way he possibly could, but his own personal demons took the better of him He was always open with me, but I never thought he would go as far to end his life I would like to thank everyone here who has posted and continued to support him and others It made him cling on to the final year of his life To anyone that feels like taking their own life my only perspective is please speak to your family and express your struggle it is something that they could help with I love my baby brother dearly I miss him every day and every day I am reminded of his kindness and intelligence I am not angry with his decision, but I am annoyed with his closure on his issue To anyone that has come here for help please know as bleak as your outlook may seem There are people that if you only spoke to could help you through that darkness |
English | How is it possible to get better when my brains wired to be suicidal and suffocating no matter what No really I'm asking I'm a bad person I cause my own problems and my own brain tortures me over them, I'm a jealous unreliable piece of shit I think of suicide constantly and even minor inconveniences issues from others send me spiraling They're not doing anything wrong It's me I know it's my brain because it's always like this I'm an angry person, but I never act on it and show it I try my best but that doesn't mean that I'm not constantly angry and sad and want to kill myself Knowing that my situation isn't that bad that spending time with friends making plans and taking care of yourself is good doesn't matter because I do those things and I'm still fucked Every time I get my shit together to become momentarily happy I become even more desperately invested in the few ties I have, and I become so anxious and overanalyzing that I isolate myself, so I can't get hurt more anyway And so it gets worse again And when I m in a good place I'm so acutely aware of how fleeting the situation is that it means nothing Even when I do have my shit together I still want to kill myself I had fun today with my friends, but I still would end it literally any time during it if there was just a button So yeah maybe I should try to do the right things to take care of myself but here I am doing the right things, and it never fucking matters I don't want to go to the fucking hospital They don't do anything to fix your problems just make your very existence more unbearable, and you can't do anything us you re in a fucking prison I can pretend to be feeling better I can force myself to pleasantly interact with the other patients not be quiet or brood and say whatever I need to get out early I've done it before What's the point When I come out my responsibilities and few relationships have deteriorated more It makes things worse I can't be honest with my counselor because I don't want to go there again I won't call a suicide hotline because they'll call the police and what could they offer me that I hadn't heard before I don't feel like I can talk to my friends I feel too guilty to talk to my girlfriend Yes people would be sad if I killed myself But I'm a bad person and I'm selfish and I'll be dead, so I couldn't feel bad about it then And yes I know that I'll never know if it gets better if I do it, but I also won't be sad if I'm dead Not feeling is infinitely preferable to being suffering constantly Help me please I wouldn't be asking for help if I didn't think there was some semblance of hope But my patience is running thin I used some aggressive maybe abusive language in here and I'd like it apologize to any who read this far because you're just trying to help and it's not in any way your fault or something you should feel obligated to help with |
French | Je veux juste que les gens sachent ce qui se passe dans ma vie, car je ne peux pas vraiment dire à quelqu'un IRL sans qu'ils paniquent ou quelque chose que je ne veux vraiment pas, mais des choses vont bientôt se produire, ce qui me fait perdre mon école familiale et ma petite amie à long terme, je vais vraiment avoir peur, je vais me sentir mort, je vais essayer d'être calme, je vais essayer d'entendre. |
English | I've told no one until now I'm dizzy I'm broken I'm full of every negative emotion I've just gone cold turkey off my SNRI and I know that's unhelpful, but I don't even care I've been suicidal for years Had a solid attempt years ago Landed in ICU for days then the psych ward for a week I've learned all the coping mechanisms, and they worked for a good long time but haven't at all for about a year now I'm too far gone I know I could reach out to anyone and they'd try to help me but there is nothing that will help I am excited to be dead I broke my brain when I abused prescription pain medication in my s My brain chemicals will never recover I've been happy since then but I cannot be anymore I want to die I need to die I am going to die and I am excited to be done My only regret is my kids I'm sad for them |
English | I bought the gun just stare at it bullets in the main lol didn't have enough money to get both then its soon yay It's soon yay its soon yay its soon yay freedom |
English | I wish something would kill me so people wouldn't have to remember me as the one who killed themselves Don t worry I won't actually kill myself apparently or I'd have done it already I just want to share this ridiculous frustration with how I WOULD be perceived after death isn't that silly If I'm dead why would it matter to me but you KNOW there's a difference in how people view the resulting dead from the tragic accident of being hit by a car crossing the street vs the horror of being murdered vs the struggle of a terminal illness vs the shame of killing yourself like damn don't you wish you could control that one thing |
French | Pourquoi s'embêter à continuer à moudre alors que nous sommes tous destinés à mourir Pourquoi s'embêter à faire avancer une carrière alors que toutes les données montrent que votre plafond est déterminé par les circonstances de votre naissance Pourquoi s'embêter à se lever le matin pour passer une journée entière sous le pouce des autres Pourquoi s'embêter à choisir quand tous les choix que nous avons sont limités et dictés par le puissant Pourquoi s'embêter à vivre |
French | La lutte est réelle, et vous êtes en quelque sorte capable de tout donner encore, c'est beau que vous le fassiez. |
English | Ruined my favorite shirt fell asleep at am with a gun next to me last night I woke up at am for physical therapy I wore my favorite shirt I hesitated because the new tech is an idiot and stretches out my shirt collar so she can put electrodes on me But I decided I didn't think she is there She was She's awkward stares at me for entire sets of exercises I finish and try to leave early But the physical therapist pressures me into getting the TENS machine Sure enough the tech stretches my shirt collar out to my shoulder so she can shove her hands down there It's a baggy shirt why couldn't you just go up the sleeve like a normal person Sure enough permanently stretched Doesn't fit anymore and the collar is flared out on one side It was old enough the elastic is a lot more fragile than the other shirts of mine she's ruined A stupid fucking piece of cotton T-shirt I got as a gift the texture fit and style of which I can't replace Not that I'd get gifted anything any more anyway And I just want to die it almost would have been better if it ended last night I try to make progress with my health or anything for that matter and all I suffer is more casualties How does a person not know to stretch out someone s shirt collar Is this not a common problem for everyone Holy fuck it seems so stupid, and it makes me feel awful Pure fucking awful among everything else going on I have very few clothes I like anymore |
French | Chaque fois que je bois les pensées de merde viennent comme des vagues que je sais que j'ai été dit d'arrêter de boire, mais il me rend engourdi je ne bois à l'excès quand je suis seul et en sécurité Fuck je suis tellement malade de m'expliquer et d'amener de plus en plus de gens dans ma merde je veux juste être fixé et la partie la plus difficile de ma maladie ou quoi que ce soit d'autre est qu'ils disent |
French | J'ai besoin d'aide ce que j'avais besoin de dire était cette amitié m'a causé tellement de dommages psychologiques, il me tue à l'intérieur surtout comment je n'ai pas tout dit et maintenant j'ai tellement peur de vous revenir je suis tellement égoïste stupide toxique et n'aurait jamais dû exister pourquoi je continue les choses vont seulement empirer d'ici je suis malade d'être de cette façon que j'ai besoin d'aide putain et je ne sais pas si je peux l'aider |
French | Le suicide n'est pas une option Si vous pensez que sortir votre vie vous rend plus facile d'aller au paradis, alors vous avez tort Nous n'allons pas facilement là-haut et le suicide n'est pas la fin de votre souffrance C'est le début Si vous dites que vous ne pouvez pas aider les gens déprimés ne peuvent pas penser directement. |
French | null |
English | Almost jumped in front of a car after trying to get help today The title says it all In my state a parent is required to be present in order for behavioral health clinics and facilities to even think about seeing you My mom doesn't really like helping me with anything and always forgets so I took matters into my own hands and went to a CODA facility with my signed papers and recommendation from the doctor I bring everything to the receptionist, and she gives me this concerned look and tells me she's pretty sure I need a parent or guardian present but she'll check So she goes to the back to talk to someone and I overhear them through the door talking about how unless I was emancipated they can't do anything for me, She the Na comes out tells me everything and asks if their s anything else they could do for me, I ask for a bottle of water she gives me one and I walk out holding back tears I had been trying to set this up for around a month and to just have it all collapse in an instant really killed me a little After that I call one of my friends to ask for a ride as I just missed my bus and the next one didn't come for an hour so I m sat there waiting for them to respond for fifteen minutes and when she finally does, she say she doesn't have enough gas So I walk to the bus stop crying and some little shit yells at me from across the street to kill yourself pussy so I thought it over it was a green light and there were a few cars coming I look at the next one and take a step forward about to close my eyes and just fall into it But something kicks in, and I pull myself back and take a drink of water and make my way to the bus stop Now I'm laying in bed wishing I had done it I guess I'm just lucky I lost my knife a week ago or else tonight would probably be my relapse in self harm I just wish I could die in peace |
French | Je veux me suicider Je veux me suicider depuis des années Je veux me suicider depuis des années Je veux me suicider Je veux me suicider Je veux juste regarder ce film ou écouter cet album d'abord J'ai peur de faire ça parce que je veux que ça aille comme ça Je ne veux pas que tu le fasses Je ne veux pas que ça aille nulle part dans la vie Je veux que tu le fasses |
French | null |
English | I've never told anyone how I Zeeland, so I just want to write this somewhere Every night I go to sleep wishing I wouldn't wake up ever again But then during the day I feel like I'm still asleep and can't wake up to live I don't know what's happening to me |
French | Je veux juste vivre pour inspirer les autres à vivre un homme transgenre d'un an et mon seul but dans la vie est d'inspirer d'autres jeunes LGBT sur Internet ou autour de moi à tenir bon et à lutter contre la discrimination. |
English | I don't matter Don t tell me I matter because I seriously don't I used religion because that made me believe I actually had some people but after finding out there is definitely no God my life is now meaningless In years no one will ever know about me, I m disabled so I don't make an impact today either I won't be remembered and only my family will actually care if I died Strangers on the internet say they care but that's just lies They don't care that people kill themselves everyday I would just be another number It's actually illegal to be me in most places I don't belong anywhere I'm basically worthless I have no reason to live |
English | I can't do this any more The only hospital in my area with beds is a run-down Catholic hospital Last time I was there they put me in dual diagnosis for depression and cannabis use and if you think you're going to find some reason to live watching a bunch of religious crack pots pretend they know how to handle people with schizophrenia maybe you need to find some new medication My life is hell I have fibromyalgia and was neglected as a child I have been on every antidepressant except for irreversible Maoist and ketamine neither of which are available to me, I can't work do to pain, but they keep denying me unemployment or disability I have no family or friends in this are I have no idea how to connect with people and quiet frankly after attending DBT and CBT groups I am absolutely terrified by people or at least the only people who seem to want to spend time with me want to use me for money food rides or sex I do not know how to connect with people and multiple therapist have been all but helpful at fixing the problem I can tell them how my mother abused me until the cows come home, but they ever seem to give me anything to work with other than deep breathing exercises or telling me to slow down and calm my mind Over thinking is not my problem I need a solution I eat well and exercise and that hasn't helped me make any improvements I use an SAD light in the winter and take vitamin D Fuck this world I know there s something wrong with me, but people never tell me directly what it is |
French | ne fonctionne plus, peu importe ce que je texte ce numéro, je continue à recevoir le message non envoyé s'il vous plaît essayer à nouveau |
English | My own life has been seeing great progress but the world ending keeps making me miserable It s time for me to end After years of thinking my drawings sucked and I'll never be able to make a living off of them I've got work at an indie game developer and am I seeing commissions for drawings and animations After years of browsing Forever Alone hitting as a virgin and not having a girlfriend for a decade I've seen two girls physically attracted to me this year have chatted for months with a fellow geek on a dating app and have our first date tomorrow After thinking I can't support myself as an independent adult I've got my own room apartment and am I working jobs to successfully live for myself After decades of struggling and self-hatred my life is finally getting better But guess what Ultimately it doesn't matter My state of mind regarding humanity and life started to break when happened in my first month of high school I had my eyes truly opened to how violent hateful unjust and painful humanity really was both in the majority of civilization and seemingly at its core It took years of therapy to suppress these feelings My core philosophy belief of humanity and us all better off dead remained, but I stopped dwelling on it but after the Ferguson riots and first rash of recorded racist cop killers hit something in me snapped again and has consumed me daily from then on It doesn't stop It doesn't leave me If it's not racism it's some other form of suppression If it's not Trump it's some other public figure ruining everything forever If it's not global warming it's dystopian racism inevitably winning over us all I can't escape into media like I used to because they're all becoming increasingly topical Every day either something in the world reminds me of things or I remind myself when my mind wanders because it's instinctive at this point I cry become numb and immobile and can barely talk or function for hours at a time while pure despair fear sadness and hopelessness overtake me Every day I can't sleep because of these I can't work as much as I want because of them I m in therapy minimum twice every week and have seen a half dozen different therapists in the past two years alone I've tried dozens of meds and been hospitalized both voluntarily and involuntarily five times Nothing works I have a large loving group of family and friends but they're unable to snap me out of it I can no longer value them or my own successes I've long hit that realization that myself and them and our lives and dreams are permanently irrelevant now The world is perpetually burning into either a miserable existence for almost all or the full on extinction I so desire From now on nothing we do has any value or importance I have nothing to strive for and nothing I can enjoy I'm going to let my family and friends enjoy one more Christmas season with me but come January I'm going to finally carry out one of my suicide plans I've mapped for years I thankfully live in an area where my main two ideas are super easy to pull off and no one can stop me if I don't say my goodbyes until right before I take action The letter is written and I can cross post it to all my social media accounts before finding peace through ceasing to exist As an atheist I believe my consciousness will disappear from all planes of existence and as long as it means I can never suffer again it's a sacrifice I don't just accept but get excited for Humanity still abides to survival of the fittest just like our original existence in nature For all my qualities the world has made my ability to live non-existent It's better that I erase myself |
English | This is the closest I've been to suicide in a long time thought I was doing well these past few years but tonight I just can't shake it I've been feeling suicidal for months and it won't leave my head It s been my backup plan for every situation that goes awry Hotlines are useless to me, they don't know me they shouldn't care either How can I connect to that when it won't even feel genuine And I feel like I'm bothering everybody else with my problems and I don't see an end to this Just looping through the same cycle until I can't take it anymore Is that what I have to look forward to There's no hope for me There's nothing left for me |
French | Je ne peux pas continuer à y penser pendant un certain temps La douleur est tout simplement trop maintenant je passe chaque nuit à pleurer moi-même pour dormir j'ai pris des décisions qui affectent ma vie de façon drastique que je regrette mais je ne peux pas revenir sur je ne suis pas assez fort pour continuer |
French | Je suis si seul, il est temps bientôt, je veux juste que tout s'arrête, je ne peux plus le faire pleurer que j'écris ce sachant que je vais devoir être parti à cette heure la semaine prochaine, je souhaite juste que je pourrais rester, mais je pense que je veux juste arrêter je suis désolé |
English | It s time to try again lol Last time I tried with grams of DPH and gram of DXM obviously I survived lol That was like weeks ago Any better ideas I don't have access to firearms so don't suggest that You can pm me so we don't break the rules of this sub |
French | Juste trop mal et je suis tellement fatigué Il y a des mois depuis que ma femme d'années a quitté Elle a commencé immédiatement Elle a été très probablement tricherie sortir avec un ami à moi J'ai rompu quelques mois plus tard Maintenant qu'elle se marie à une personne différente, il est un grand gars Mes enfants l'aiment comme elle aime se vanter de moi Tous nos vieux amis mes propres enfants même sa famille que j'aimais et était plus proche de moi |
English | The shell broke I fucking need help I thought I was a strong person turns out all that confidence was nothing but a shell I had built other people try to hide their feelings I never did Maybe that's why I ended up bitter lonely and avoidant of other people s problems I don't treat people as I should because I'm afraid of having many people around me, I left everything behind moved to a different country and I'm even more lonely i didn't think it's possible I'd rather die than see another fucking liar all I did was try to help people to feel better about myself I can't fucking take it anymore I don't have a place to stay I don't have money I hate my job I fucking can't |
French | Je veux me tuer, mais j'ai peur de la mort je suis désolé si cela semble irrespectueux, mais je dois laisser cela Chaque soir je pense à me tuer mes pensées me prennent, j'ai essayé de m'étouffer mais comme je l'ai mentionné je n'ai pas peur je ne sais pas comment expliquer cela je me réveille, et je pense à me tuer je ne pense pas quand je fais des choses c'est pourquoi je suis capable de ne pas penser |
French | Je ne veux désespérément pas être ici Chaque autre pensée qui passe à travers mon esprit est de savoir combien je ne veux pas être en vie existe plus Je pense à me tuer beaucoup J'ai fait beaucoup de recherches sur les méthodes de suicide, mais plus de recherches je sais que le plus de peur je suis absolument désespérée Je n'ai plus de chance de ne pas échouer Je n'ai plus de chance de ne pas avoir de méthodes de suicide qui sont disponibles pour moi Si j'avais accès à une arme |
French | Note courte ou longue Devrais-je laisser une longue note décrivant tout ce que je ressens et répondre à autant de questions que je peux ou tout simplement laisser court et au point |
English | Christmas's birthday alone m turning on the st December no family no friends going to be alone on Christmas and my birthday and have been alone since I turned each year gets more painful depression loneliness going deeper at this point I'm hardly able to get out of bed or do the very basics in taking care of myself often find myself entering a catatonic state when alone often eating very little or no food for days recently fainted on a bus after not eating for days and alto people got me up and asked if I was good they were all just asking if I wanted to go to a hospital to which I declined knowing why I had fainted I just got off the bus and got food at a restaurant alone it feels like even if i don't kill myself directly it is inevitable that I can't survive alone, and I can clearly see that I'm a lost cause socially no one cared when I was healthy and doing good and now I'm hardly a person at that point why keep living I'm stuck suffering endlessly anyway |
French | Est-ce que les gens penseraient que c'était un accident si j'étais heurté par un train que je veux mourir, mais cela doit ressembler à un accident Je pense que ma famille prendrait ma mort mieux si elle ressemble à un accident Il y a un train qui passe tous les soirs et je passe souvent devant elle, j'aime faire des promenades la nuit Je pense que ce serait la meilleure façon de le faire, mais il pourrait être évident que c'est un suicide |
French | null |
French | Au cours des deux dernières années, ma mère a traversé deux manies bipolaires l'année dernière, et maintenant elle va dans un autre. Elle devient très violente et franchement folle. Elle va même me dire qu'elle aimerait être morte si elle était suffisamment aggravée. |
French | Besoin d'éventer n'importe qui en ligne pour discuter Je ressens l'envie d'éventer Tout est accablant |
French | Je me suis presque tué maintenant, je ne sais pas quoi DOI ai toujours lutté contre la dépression, mais c'est la première fois que je me suis presque mis une balle dans la tête ou une erreur que j'ai faite au travail, j'ai eu le pistolet chargé et tout puis j'ai commencé à pleurer, je ne sais pas où aller à partir de là, je vois déjà un thérapeute |
French | Aujourd'hui, j'ai l'impression de mourir Cher Reddit, je suis un putain, je me sens hanté, j'ai eu trois accidents de voiture dans un mois, j'ai eu ma voiture sur Mischief Night, j'ai perdu mon travail la même nuit, je ne comprends pas comment ou pourquoi j'ai survécu à un accident si horrible, je ne comprends pas pourquoi dieu me veut vivre et je suis énervé. |
French | J'ai l'impression que la vie est une simulation faite par une entité malade qui veut voir combien de temps il faut pour que certaines personnes se suicident ne sais pas si je suis sur le bon sous-marin parce que je ne suis pas suicidaire Mais j'ai eu des pensées suicidaires ces derniers temps Parfois, j'ai l'impression que quelqu'un d'autre expérimente avec moi Comme essayer de voir combien de temps il me faudra pour me suicider |
English | I don't know what to do anymore always disappoint people I care about I do stuff that might get their hopes up but then I end up hurting them because of how careless I am I always had this mindset that I can improve but the more and more it goes the more and more I disappoint them and get them hurt I feel like I always end up getting them hurt I don't want to tell them this because they'll feel like it's their fault, but I know it's my fault for doing these mistakes I want to die so they won't have a burden any more I know it s going to end up hurting them but every time I try to do something good I'll make a mistake and eventually get someone hurt I've tried to improve a lot so that this doesn't happen but every time I do I eventually just go back to my old ways and make the same mistakes I don't have the guts to tell them this I feel like if I do tell them that it'll just burden them I know thinking like this isn't right, but I genuinely don't know what to do any more I just want to die, so I can't give them trouble anymore in the future |
English | I don't think I can commit to it, but I am constantly thinking about its ever since I started college I began falling behind in pretty much all aspects of my life I wasn't making any friends, and I was doing poorly in all my classes never formed a study habit It continued for a year or two, and I was hiding my grades from my parents It got bad enough that I eventually had to tell them and I medically withdrew and transferred closer to home I thought a fresh start could help and not having the burden of those lies would allow me to get on track Now I'm another year in and I'm doing it again I don't want to kill myself, but I do feel that dying wouldn't be too bad I know that school and all that isn't anything to kill yourself over and it isn't the end of the world, but I have no motivation I want to make something creative I have videos that need editing ideas that I want to flesh out etc. but I just am either too lazy or unmotivated to do any of them I'm starting to give up on college and know that the only way for me to be successful is to focus on these creative endeavors and make something out of it I just can't start working on them and I don't know why I just fall back onto playing video games instead even though I'm not even having much fun playing them I enjoyed writing at r writing prompts on downtime at my last internship but I've completely stopped doing that too I feel like everyone around me is moving on to bigger and better things and I'm just in this inescapable rut that I've created for myself Anyway It's ok if no one reads this or responds I just kind of wanted to write it all out but in case anyone did read through the whole thing thanks |
English | My struggle with suicide and the people I hate BTW this is a copy of my first post the original one which is basically the same and its at r depression Two years ago I was in a class and I have a deep love of art and it was an art class, so I thought I would love it, but that was going to change my life forever Was it for good Was it for bad I guess I'll just have to wait and see I was never exactly know for being cool or relevant in any sort of way because my parents were very sheltering, but I thought nothing of it, and I was just me regular me But anyway it was just after Christmas break, and I was happy because I had an art class, and so I was in a class with a very nice teacher and I sat with two other people Little did I know that they would ruin my life That was the year I no longer was the smart guy or even the artistic guy no now I was the loser the idiot the moron the retard the motherfucker who messes up everything Literally everyday they told me that I was not good that I was and idiot they said I couldn't do anything right I had no friends to turn to they all called me stupid too They became distant and I didn't seem to be in the conversations any more it seemed like everyone was learning new stuff Before that year I got very good grades and then SHE happened her name was Maria she was one of the people sitting next to me in art and I hate her with every part of my being even to this day She called me an idiot and made fun of me in Spanish just so I would not understand and get mad she said that nobody liked me, and she said that I was worthless, and I was too stupid to be there This is gone on for the rest of the year and plunged me into a depression where deep is not even able to begin to describe how bad it was Every aching moment was like he'll for me as I both Maria and my thoughts killed and rotted me from the inside out I wanted to kill myself and still do today sometimes I even asked my brother what would be the best way to kill a person by stabbing them in the neck because I wanted to be prepared just in case I hit rock bottom Because of her insults and everybody else s insults to this I still feel out of place, and it still seems like every step I take is in the wrong way no matter what every time I try to do what others do they just laugh at me like I'm some cheap knockoff I basically signed a contract with myself that changed the way I looked and the way I talked and interacted basically turning me into a big jerk who wanted so desperately to fit in and be accepted Lots of days a nights I would set up a noose in my room and stare at it thinking of all the horrible things and wondering if today was going to be the day that I actually kill myself I sort of turned into a nihilist so my GF broke up with me which didn't help and I spiraled further and further into depression while people were calling my new style from my personal contract the only thing was is that once I changed myself I couldn't go back to my old self One day I had had enough of this pain and I put up that noose and got a chair and fastened it onto my neck then I heard my mom coming up to check on me and I didn't want her to stop me, so I took the noose and threw it under my bed Finally the year ended, and I thought I had made it and in a way I had gotten out of the clutches of Maria s tormenting, and I started the next year I still had so much hurt and pain and scars I had new friends and there was one his name is C not his real name just don't want to give any hints just in case anyone I know is seeing this and I thought he was my savior and the one who would pull me out of this depression, so I started sitting at his table I was not accepted in the slightest everyday I was told I didn't belong there, and they questioned why I sat there, and they told me I wasn't wanted none of my friends would listen to me and even if they did, they would just make fun of what I said because they wouldn't let me into their conversations so it felt like I was damned to not being part of it because I couldn't know what they were talking about because they wouldn't tell me There were entire days I would go without speaking because I thought I couldn't say anything that would matter That's basically what happened that year unacceptable depression and damnation into irrelevance At the beginning of this year it just got worse C started being worse and worse and Hello made fun of me for things I liked and how I acted and said that I was stupid and Hello went from my idol to my enemy but Hello didn't even notice when I stopped talking to him, I began to isolate myself to see if anybody would notice and come to help me or see what was wrong They didn't they just kept on walking I decided to confront Maria about what she did to me, and she said Hello can't remember what she did and she doesn't care any way These days I go through periods of madness and blind fury where I just want to kill her of course I'd never do that and I would scratch myself and bang my head against the wall and hit myself trying to cause myself damage because I'm a horrible disgusting ugly and annoying human being and I don't deserve the rights that others have I did end up telling C what happened, and he said he was so sorry and that he'll make everything right again, but he just still ignores me though I have a new friend now L who is awesome and nobody knows this but I'm just counting down the time when I'm going to snap and probably kill myself who knows I might make it I might not Anyway this is not the entire story with all the detail that would be very long, but I just wanted to put this out there and say to any of the others who feel insignificant and stupid and worthless and say that you're not alone If you have any questions ask me I guess I m done now |
English | I don't know what to do I m in the process of trying to win my wife back after she left me for another guy I know they're being intimate and being together while I just lay in my bed wanting it all to end I've gotten insomnia Took a shower for the first time in days Don't eat anything all day because my stomach is in knots I know people would be disappointed and sad if I ended my life, or I even made it look like a non suicide they'd still miss me But I don't know The pain is getting so big I wish I could die of heartbreak or something else I just want to die or get into a car crash I want to OD or cut myself or stick a gun to my head I'm losing hope for myself |
French | Je ne veux pas d'enfants et de dépression Alors j'allume le ND de ce mois-ci Été dans une relation d'année avec mon petit ami que j'adore et que j'adore et c'est la seule chose qui me garde pour le moment J'ai essayé de me tuer il y a des années J'ai fini par ne pas vouloir mourir à l'hôpital Je suis assez déprimé et parfois c'est bon |
English | I need help and everyone close to me has abandoned me I almost did it last night I drank probably shots of whiskey and was about to take sleeping pills Somebody came and stopped me But now everyone is telling me they don't have time for it any more Everyone close to me has left me alone I've even asked for someone to just come and be close to me, so I can go to sleep and make sure I wake up in the morning to try to get help There s nobody here I'm so scared Help me |
English | MY girlfriend cheated on me and ruined my family life and my distant friend killed himself recently I just don't know what to do I feel sick to my stomach about what my girlfriend did to me My friend was so bright smart and only years old I liked him so much, and I feel like he never knew how much I appreciated him I'm just so sad and heart broken by all of this |
English | I relate to your feelings have a playlist or Some of you may have seen my past posts offering to build you a playlist the offer is still open Visit my profile and find the original post to request one Anyhow I thought some people might like to have a couple mood playlists I've curated just to be reminded that you're not alone when you feel shitty I have personally been in a place where I was trying to end my life, and I am still struggling with the suicidal urges every day I think in the worst of my suicidal times I would have liked a playlist to cry to that showed me somebody else understood how I felt So Here they are For when the depression melancholia hits HTTPS open Spotify com user cushion playlist YTHLfYEGfSfh Rank x is spZaRwEoSUu GGG beg For feeling sad HTTPS open Spotify com user cushion playlist r z EiByAQKx NHF Q is MCC SPARC T A OWEiWww For crying HTTPS open Spotify com user cushion playlist dvxKRckXQcriCJNWbW MJ is Toledo RFuZhSrgCBU kg Sometimes love can hurt as much as depression HTTPS open Spotify com user cushion playlist VW PmfzPQtwVZj ESD N sit Genk T meet CP FG Calm chill vibes not depressed HTTPS open Spotify com user cushion playlist nBQtOYmOlfvvdLUfbMyNC is McGee RQNmMxkHk since Aggressively happy and just plain aggressive dangers for distraction from feeling not feeling HTTPS open Spotify com user cushion playlist TkOhYayPues JM Photo is diode SHWbwRcivo Peg Extremely low energy zone out HTTPS open Spotify com user cushion playlist iWdDQaHmUBRV GQS MGD is agzssDruR KpeYnOrioxSg Songs for hype HTTPS open Spotify com user cushion playlist SIGLOST do EU influx is j aYGkHiTiu D cm BZG Obligatory I'm on mobile apology for formatting |
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