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husband experimenting with open marriage

sparrow thinks it might have caught bird flu after puking seeds all morning

dozens of glowing exit signs mercilessly taunt multiplex employee

teen responsible for all six items in clarksburg police blotter

pentagon to surround self with pentagon decoys

epstein guards placed on disciplinary leave for allowing selves to be distracted by mischievous monkey that stole key ring

popes, ranked

toddler junkie immediately hooked on looking at trains after first exhilarating high

fast-talking computer hacker just has to break through encryption shield before uploading nano-virus

stealing tampons from office bathroom currently woman's only source of joy

u.s. general jealous that syrian army allowed to attack citizens

just when couple finally stops stressing about having a baby, they're still not pregnant

god completely fucked up after huffing gaseous planet

quiz: can you keep tony shalhoub entertained while he waits for your daughter to get ready for their date?

it was then that i carried you vs. bullshit, jesus, those are obviously my footprints

meaning of dream obvious to everyone else

local band expects things to take off following glowing write-up in soundandfury.wordpress.com

latest attack: the islamic state has reluctantly claimed credit for a crying man who threw a flip-flop at the presidential motorcade, missed, then shit his pants

wamu files for chaplev

new anti-abortion legislation requires doctors to scale 18-foot wall surrounding clinic

blushing brett kavanaugh admits he flattered christine blasey ford never forgot his laugh

houseguest just going to lie there until rest of house wakes up

body breaking down in totally different order than man expected

john legend said what?!

bush has one of those days where he feels like 68 percent of people hate him

taylor swift apparently now dating 'garfield' creator jim davis

sauce-spatter analysis allows investigators to reconstruct horrific, grisly consumption of meatball sub

news: taking charge: steve bannon volunteered to take a few shifts from the sniper on the white house roof

‘new york times’ corrects story by admitting they burned venezuela aid convoy

microsft bids $2.1 billion for milton berle joke file

barbaric fifth grader gouges paper onto binder ring without so much as hole punch

3-year-old terrified by sizzling fajita platter

weird girl you drunkenly fooled around with waiting outside door

women's prison riot feels gratuitous

man as surprised as anyone that he knows all the members of 'n sync

daisy ridley said what?!

congress establishes bill suggestion hotline

top 10 tv moments of 2014

new cheney memoir reveals he's going to live full, satisfied life without ever feeling remorse and there's nothing we can do about it

quiz: has it been an honor to serve with me?

excited white house staffer sends parents ‘new york times’ article quoting her as anonymous source

report: spider

kamikaze swimmers finally reach pearl harbor

somali pirates tow guy with stalled jet ski

investigation confirms nbc management had no knowledge of misconduct in matt lauer's network-sanctioned sex dungeon

man wakes from coma with ability to understand health insurance policy

unregistered horses meet under cover of darkness for kentucky street derby

mom uses full name to refer to bisquick impossibly easy cheeseburger pie™

fourth-grade teacher receives dark portent of coming storm from gnarled, haggard third-grade teacher

elderly man can't wait for senility to erase lifetime of regretful memories

pope francis working out at vatican gym wearing ‘sex abuse summit 2019’ t-shirt

u need seex? i am savannah i want seex please! help! 7829

6 of the world’s greatest writers explain how the... | clickhole

umass dartmouth beginning to regret offering course in applied domestic terrorism

after obama victory, shrieking white-hot sphere of pure rage early gop front-runner for 2016

ugh, so obnoxious: this guy just pulled out an acoustic guitar at a party and killed someone with it

trump approval rating surges to 98% immediately following nancy pelosi opening impeachment proceedings

olympic skier stares down icy, forbidding slope of rest of life

wqtreason! he found his wifewq

fascinating: the makers of cap’n crunch have revealed that the white thing on cap’n crunch’s face isn’t a mustache, they’re tusks because his parents were brother and sister

christian bale visits sikh temple victims

report: employers know within first 5 minutes of job interview whether they will murder applicant

wikipedia celebrates 750 years of american independence

jousting is great and all, but there’s got to be a better way for us to entertain ourselves that doesn’t involve riding a horse full-speed into someone and then getting hit by a huge wooden stick

failing memory fuses robert wuhl, kevin pollack into single entity

critics accuse joe biden of running for president for political reasons

hillary clinton appears before rally completely nude in bid for authenticity

life: something for everybody: chicago’s planetarium is adding an exhibit about andré the giant for people who aren’t interested in space

robert mueller begins thirteenth day undercover as white house janitor

federal reserve cites healthy economy in decision to have baby

i-90 adds lane for drivers traveling cross-country to stop woman from marrying wrong man

michelin introduces tires for women

jonathan franzen rushes over to guy on subway reading 'the corrections' to introduce himself

literary historians uncover collection of breezy, upbeat edgar allan poe writings penned after author took up jogging

man who bought 34th anniversary reissue of fleetwood mac's 'rumours' feeling like real idiot after passing display for 35th anniversary edition

a brilliant innovator: elon musk has announced he is currently developing a lemon with legs that can sprint to hungry people all over the world

warriors gm bob myers announces kevin durant tore achilles, clears him to play game 6

cyber monday retailers pull in record 700 terabytes of consumers' personal information

bush fishing for compliments during press conference

nfl scouting combine to phase out subjecting draft prospects to vivisection

hammered office depot manager thrown out of chili's

police officers waving everyone over to take a look at what happened to this guy

beachgoer tries to let the predator know there’s a tampon string hanging out of his bathing suit but the predator assumes she’s an attacker and maces her

report: authorities recommend the film 'you've got mail' for those snowed in today

trump: 'any shooting actually inspired by me would have left thousands dead'

new smithsonian exhibit details how fashion pioneers tamed the frumpy west

stack of unused cd-rs turns five

hurricane concerned it caught something in panama city, florida

showerin' real good continues to top bridal style trends of 2017

blog: this is an internet article about how arnold from ‘hey arnold!’ would be a republican and there’s nothing you can do to stop me

chicago police credit their extensive experience falsifying evidence for helping solve smollett case

meat prices skyrocket after cow smashing machine gets all beefed up

trump accidentally records over comey meeting tape with idea for candy hotel

heroic pit bull journeys 2,000 miles to attack owner

according to nutritional information, local man just had 16 servings of fritos

police satisfied after drunk man assures them there's no problem

blammo! when the bad man came into the house, the gun was use and it kill: his body

aging father struggling to keep family’s personal failings straight

god knocked unconscious by directtv satellite

fda cancels bacon recall after finding u.s. population already ate it all