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But when little Mary was there I had never a thought of her , and that I swear as I hope for God 's mercy .
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`` ` It had seemed to me sometimes that she liked to be alone with me , or to coax me out for a walk with her , but I had never thought anything of that .
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I was impatient and paced up and down the room .
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`` It 's a bad compliment to me that you ca n't be contented with my society for so short a time . ''
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There was no need for her to speak , nor for me either .
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I was a fool to let her go on biding with us -- a besotted fool -- but I never said a word to Mary , for I knew it would grieve her .
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Day by day she grew queerer and more irritable , and we had ceaseless rows about nothing .
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Sarah avoided me now , but she and Mary were just inseparable .
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I can see now how she was plotting and scheming and poisoning my wife 's mind against me , but I was such a blind beetle that I could not understand it at the time .
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Then I broke my blue ribbon and began to drink again , but I think I should not have done it if Mary had been the same as ever .
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He was good company , I wo n't deny it , and he had wonderful polite ways with him for a sailor man , so that I think there must have been a time when he knew more of the poop than the forecastle .
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For a month he was in and out of my house , and never once did it cross my mind that harm might come of his soft , tricky ways .
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I had come into the parlour unexpected , and as I walked in at the door I saw a light of welcome on my wife 's face .
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There was no one but Alec Fairbairn whose step she could have mistaken for mine .
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`` Do n't , Jim , do n't ! '' says she .
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`` Sarah , '' says I as I went in , `` this man Fairbairn is never to darken my door again . ''
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`` Why not ? '' says she .
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`` Oh ! '' says she , `` if my friends are not good enough for this house , then I am not good enough for it either . ''
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She was frightened by my face , I think , for she never answered a word , and the same evening she left my house .
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`` ` Well , I do n't know now whether it was pure devilry on the part of this woman , or whether she thought that she could turn me against my wife by encouraging her to misbehave .
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How often she went I do n't know , but I followed her one day , and as I broke in at the door Fairbairn got away over the back garden wall , like the cowardly skunk that he was .
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There was no trace of love between us any longer .
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`` ` Well , Sarah found that she could not make a living in Liverpool , so she went back , as I understand , to live with her sister in Croydon , and things jogged on much the same as ever at home .
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The thought was in my head as I turned into my own street , and at that moment a cab passed me , and there she was , sitting by the side of Fairbairn , the two chatting and laughing , with never a thought for me as I stood watching them from the footpath .
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`` ` I tell you , and I give you my word for it , that from that moment I was not my own master , and it is all like a dim dream when I look back on it .
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I had a heavy oak stick in my hand , and I tell you I saw red from the first ; but as I ran I got cunning , too , and hung back a little to see them without being seen .
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There was a good crowd round the booking-office , so I got quite close to them without being seen .
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When we reached it they walked along the Parade , and I was never more than a hundred yards from them .
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There was a bit of a haze , and you could not see more than a few hundred yards .
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I cleaned myself up , got back to land , and joined my ship without a soul having a suspicion of what had passed .
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You can hang me , or do what you like with me , but you can not punish me as I have been punished already .
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I can not shut my eyes but I see those two faces staring at me -- staring at me as they stared when my boat broke through the haze .
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You wo n't put me alone into a cell , sir ?
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For pity 's sake do n't , and may you be treated in your day of agony as you treat me now . '
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It must tend to some end , or else our universe is ruled by chance , which is unthinkable .
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