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Could you please entertain me with a joke related to friends bragged?

Three friends bragged about who has more sex.... Friend A said "You all have nothing on me. I go to the bar and bring home a woman every night. Not only that but I drive a corvette into work everyday and have a 8 inch penis. I have slept with more than 1,000 women" Friend B said "Oh yeah? Well I'm the top gynecologist doctor at the most highly rated hospitals in the world. I make $800,000 a year, have patients and nurses who have sex with me every hour I'm at work. All the women compliment me on my 12 inch penis. I have slept with well over 5,000 women." Friend C said, "I have you all beat. I fucked over all the Redditors who were expecting a punchline to this joke."

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Can you share a joke that involves did chicken?

My 5yo asked me to tell you guys this joke I'm so sorry... Why did the chicken cross the road? Cause your butt stinks!! Ha! Stinky butt ​ He doesn't understand downvotes so I'll eat the loss of karma cause this made him happy

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Can you share a joke that involves nearly sensitive?

The vagina has more than 8000 nerve endings But it’s still not nearly as sensitive as Reddit.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

I'd love to hear a witty joke related to boss waiter. Do you have one?

My boss: “You’re fired.” Me: *turns in gun and badge* My boss: “You’re a waiter where did you get those”

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

How about a joke related to sugar irish? Do you have one?

An Englishman, a Scottish man, and an Irish man all walk into a pub with their wives. They all sit down and order a cup of tea. The Englishman looks to his wife and says “could you pass the honey, honey?” The Scottish man thinks to himself how clever that was, then turns to his wife and says “could you pass the sugar, sugar?” The Irish man - not wanting to be out witted by the other two men - looks over at his wife and says “Could you pass me the milk ye fucking cow?”

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Can you think of a joke that centers around left insecure?

My wife left me because I'm too insecure. No wait, she's back. She just went to make a cup of tea.

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What's a funny joke that relates to 300 limousine?

Just spent $300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it...

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Do you know any jokes related to grandfather warned?

My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre

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Would you be willing to share a joke about says angel with me?

An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth." Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom" "Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff. The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."

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I'm curious if you have a joke up your sleeve that pertains to detective want?

My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up." "Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."

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I'm in the mood for a joke about dad kidneys. Do you have any good ones?

I had the best Dad moment last night... *actual conversation with my 8 year old* Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have? Me: Two. You have two, son. Son: Nope... I have four. *point to belly* Two kidneys here... *points to legs* ...and two kid knees here! The student has become the teacher.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Tell me a humorous joke that involves dunham accused.

Comedian Jeff Dunham has been accused of sexual assault After allegations from his coworkers saying that he's been fisting them for decades. Just look up his Youtube channel if you want to see evidence of this abuse. Millions have just sat by and watched while these poor souls suffered through tremendous pain right in-front of them.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Can you think of a joke that centers around terms cremation?

I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”. ​ Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Could you please entertain me with a joke related to bartender wifi?

Me: What's the wifi password? Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. Me: Okay, I'll have a coke. Bartender: Is Pepsi okay? Me: Sure. How much is that? Bartender: $3. Me: There you go. So what's the wifi password? Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Can you think of a joke that centers around dad 50th?

As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said Y'know, one would have been enough.

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Do you know any jokes related to fetish mags?

Wife was cleaning 12 year old son's bedroom When she finds a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asks her husband "what do we do?" Husband says "I'm no expert, but I wouldn't fucking spank him."

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Would you happen to have a joke about bad arnold that you could tell me?

My wife has kicked me out of the house because of my bad Arnold Scharzenegger impressions. But don't worry I'll return.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Do you know any jokes related to dad helicopter?

“Son In Iraq I killed 15 people.” Son: Dad you were a helicopter mechanic Dad:Never said I was a good one

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I'm in need of a good joke. Something that centers around learned college should do the trick.

'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.' 'But I never went to college.' 'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.'

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How about a joke related to admins? Do you have one?

CAN THE ADMINS OF THIS GROUP DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?! WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, AN ELDERLY MAN. HE'S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HIMSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HIS JUNK. HE IS OFFERING UP AN IPHONE X IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVORS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 8 AND OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH IT. IT'S SUPER SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

I'm in need of a good joke. Something that centers around ea uncle should do the trick.

What's the difference between EA and my uncle? My uncle didn't take my money when he fucked me.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

How about a joke related to asked donald? Do you have one?

Donald Trump was asked what the J in Donald J Trump stood for He said 'Genius'

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Can you think of a joke that relates to milk sheep that you could tell me?

How do you milk sheep? Bring out a new iPhone and charge $1000 for it.

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Would you be willing to share a joke about father gym with me?

A young boy says to his father "Dad, our maths teacher is asking to see you." "What happened?" The father asks. "Well, she asked me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answered '63' , then she asked, 'and 9 * 7?' So I asked 'what's the fucking difference?' "Indeed, what is the difference?" asks the father. ''Sure, I'll go.'' The next day, the boy comes home from school and says, "Dad, have you gone by the school?" "Not yet." "Well when you do, come and see the gym teacher also." "Why?" asks the father. "Well we had a gym class today, and he asked me to raise my left arm, I did. Then my right arm, I also raised it. Then he asked me to lift my right leg, so I did. 'Now,' he says, 'lift your left leg,' so I asked, 'What, am I suppose to stand on.... my cock??'" "Exactly," says the father. "Alright, I'll come." The next day, the boy asks his father "Did you go to the school?" "No, not yet." "Don't bother, I got expelled." Surprised, the father asks "Why did you get expelled?" "Well, they summoned me to the principal's office, and sitting there were the math teacher, the gym teacher, and the art teacher." "The fuck was the art teacher doing there!?" asks the father. "That's what I said!"

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Can you think of a joke that relates to flat earther that you could tell me?

My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it's flat! In the end, he came around.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

How about a joke related to dyslexic daniel? Do you have one?

I refused to believe I was gay and dyslexic..... I was in Daniel.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Can you make me chuckle with a joke that involves excited 2019?

Today at the gym I asked a girl what her new year's resolution was. She said "Fuck you". So I'm pretty excited for 2019.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

I'm in need of a good joke. Something that centers around joke epileptic should do the trick.

I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke... What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath? Throw in your laundry. The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit." We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he choked on a sock."

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Can you make me chuckle with a joke that involves recycling rate?

I found a place where the recycling rate is 98% /r/Jokes

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Can you think of a joke that centers around hoes bros?

Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros. There needs to be a balance. A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Do you know any jokes related to roman numerals?

I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 and 500 in Roman numerals I M LIVID

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Tell me a humorous joke that involves virgin mother.

Virginity in school Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin." Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

How about a joke related to italian girl? Do you have one?

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her mom that she has missed her period for two months Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge." "I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life." "Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, two retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You fuck her again."

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

I'm in need of a good joke. Something that centers around crossword wife should do the trick.

Husband doing crossword with his wife Husband: Emphatic no, five letters. Wife: Never H: Pistol, 3 letters. W: Gun H: Disgust, 3 letters. W: Ugh H: Charity, 4 letters. W: Give H: Female sheep, 3 letters W: Ewe H: Pixar movie, 2 letters W: Up

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What's a good joke that relates to intelligent people?

99.9% of people are idiots. Fortunately, I belong to the 1% of intelligent people

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Could you please entertain me with a joke related to pun 10?

Pun enters a room, kills 10 people Pun in, 10 dead

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What's a good joke that relates to hope coronavirus?

I really hope coronavirus can't spread through sex It would be so lonely being the last man on Earth.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

I'm in the mood for a joke about join kkk. Do you have any good ones?

I couldn't join the KKK if I wanted to, my bloodline isn't pure enough. Turns out my parents weren't even related.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Tell me a humorous joke that involves asian stereo.

What Asian stereo type do you hear the most? Personally I've got a Sony surround sound system.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

I could use a good laugh. How about a joke about cardi cosby?

Cardi B and Bill Cosby walk into a bar... I don’t remember the rest.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

I'd love to hear a witty joke related to obama smoked. Do you have one?

Obama smoked weed growing up, and now look where he is today Unemployed with two kids and recently evicted

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Would you be willing to share a joke about cake diabetes with me?

What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake? Diabetes. What?, did you really think I was gonna make a pie joke on my cake day? ^btw ^I ^waited ^1 ^whole ^year ^to ^tell ^this ^joke

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I'm in need of a good joke. Something that centers around pope rabbi should do the trick.

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community... If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave. The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate. However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'silent' debate. On the chosen day, the Pope and the Rabbi sat opposite each other The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. The Rabbi looked back and raised one finger. Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head. The Rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine. The Rabbi pulled out an apple. With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the Rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy! Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened. The Pope said, 'First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs.' 'Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us.' 'Finally, I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin.' 'He bested me at every move and I could not continue!' Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the Rabbi how he had won. 'I don't have a clue!!!' the Rabbi said. 'First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger.' Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews, so I told him that we were staying right here. 'And then what?' asked a woman. 'Who knows...' said the Rabbi. 'He took out his lunch, so I took out mine!'

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

What's a good joke that relates to remember elephants?

Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she won't think twice... Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember. Because elephants never forget

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I'm in need of a good joke. Something that centers around freed crocodile should do the trick.

Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile... In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults. One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The two young men, sympathetic to a creature in need, approached the crocodile and released it from the trap. Once freed, the crocodile transformed into a wispy, glowing fairy! “Thank you, young men” said the fairy, “Your hearts are truly selfless, and I will grant each of you one wish. What are your names?” “This is my friend Set, and you can call me ‘Ep’”, said Amenhotep. “Very well, Ep” said the fairy “What is the desire of your heart?” “I wish I was the strongest man in the world!” Amenhotep wished. “Very well”, said the fairy, “but you must always use your strength to help others.” Smoke gathered around Amenhotep, and when the smoke cleared Ep was 7 foot six and rippling with muscles. The fairy turned to Set “And what is your wish, Set?” Set responded “I never want to be poor again! I wish for money!” “Very well,” said the fairy. Smoke gathered in front of the two of them, and when the smoke cleared a small elf remained, bowing to the two boys. “Greetings, sirs! My name is Elmon, and I am here to serve!” “Elmon is an expert in all things money,” said the fairy, “He will help you make wise decisions and turn any business profitable, but will only help you so long as he is only asked to do good for your fellow man.” Amenhotep and Set were inseparable. True to his word, Amenhotep used his great strength to build many houses for people in need. Set helped, as well, but his comparatively small size next to the now massive Amenhotep earned him the nickname “Imp”. With Elmon’s financial savvy, the two started a non-profit dedicated to building houses for the less fortunate, and Elmon kept all their paperwork in perfect order. Years passed, and the two lived very fulfilling lives helping the homeless. Amenhotep met a girl while building houses and the two got married and had a beautiful baby boy, Josep. Ep and Set’s business expanded globally. 15 years passed and Amenhotep grew kinder and more generous, giving to people in need at any of the places he went to build houses. Set built a campus in Cairo for the headquarters of their business, and directed global efforts. Over the years, Set lost touch with the people he was helping, and became more focused on business expansion and money of the business. As all fathers do, Amenhotep wanted his son to eventually take over the business and help the next generation of needful people find purpose in their lives. He sent Josep to the the HQ in Cairo to learn business from Set. Once there, Josep was surprised to find that much of the financial success was due in large part to the financial savvy of Elmon, the elf. Josep spent months at HQ learning how to run the business. While there, Set decided that it was time to expand the company into a more profitable venture. Instead of building houses for the needy, he drafted up a plan to buy up land around urban areas and construct rental properties at expensive prices while preventing construction of new, affordable housing. He sent Josep with the proposal to Elmon to determine the financial logistics. Upon reading the proposal and its ill-nature’s effect on Set’s fellow man, Elmon keeled over and died, instantly. Josep was shocked, and ran to alert Set right away, who wailed in dismay at the loss of his financial mastermind. In a rage, he accused Josep of killing Elmon, and sent the teenager to jail. Amenhotep, hearing of the distress, caught the first flight back to Cairo to find himself neck-deep in a legal battle between him and his old friend. Without the financial and legal savvy of Elmon, Set’s case was a mess. Amenhotep, distraught, tried to reason with his childhood friend. “Come, Imp, release my boy and call off the lawsuit. Let’s use our energy to help those in need and not further what we both know is a fruitless path.” Set refused, furiously gathering circumstantial evidence to bring to the court to frame Josep for Elmon’s murder. The case was brought before the court, but Set’s claims were weak and unsupported. The judge, thoroughly disgusted with the lack of evidence from the prosecution, dismissed the case outright. Obviously, Ep’s teen didn’t kill Imp’s elf.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

How about a joke related to treat erectile? Do you have one?

Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team-up and make a medicine to treat erectile dysfunction, and name it ElonGates.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Could you please entertain me with a joke related to trump driver?

President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly. Trump told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn. "What happened to you?" asked Trump "Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 19-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me." "My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump. The driver replies, "I'm president Donald Trump's driver, and I just killed the pig."

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I'm in the mood for a joke about frozen turkeys. Do you have any good ones?

While picking up a turkey for this Thanksgiving, I overheard this gem. A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they’re dead."

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Mind sharing a joke with me that has to do with shouldn ribbons?

My dad said people shouldn't get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing. So I took down his confederate flag.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Do you have a favorite joke that involves thanos finger?

Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared. Apparently only DC movies can do that.

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Tell me a humorous joke that involves shooting pain.

I called my wife at work and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" Sounding concerned, she said, "No." I responded, "How about now?"

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Can you think of a joke that relates to tramp rich that you could tell me?

There was this tramp. One cold winter's morning he was walking along a country road, when he heard a cry for help from a nearby lake. Without a moment's hesitation he ran out onto the ice and slipped and slided over to a little girl. He managed to pull her out without breaking the ice further and carried her back to the road. He took off his coat and wrapped her in it then began looking for a car to flag down. Coincidentally the father drives up. "How can I ever thank you sir?" he says after putting his daughter into the warmth of the limo. "Just name your price - I'm a wealthy man." "Ah, well..." stammers the tramp, "... uh, I'm a little short of cash, perhaps you could help me out." "Oh dear," says the father, "I don't carry much cash with me, I only have ten pounds - but come home with me and I'll get more from the safe." "No! No!" says the tramp, "Why ten pounds is more money than I've seen in my whole life - that'll be plenty." "Ten pounds," thinks the tramp, "I'm rich! I'm rich!" and off he goes to the town to buy himself a holiday. He finds a travel agent, walks in - much to the disgust of the staff - and goes up to the desk. "I'll have one holiday please!" "Ahem, which holiday would sir like?" asked the girl at the desk, forcing a smile. "Oh, any holiday I don't mind, anything up to ten pounds," replies the tramp. "TEN POUNDS! You'll NEVER get a holiday for ten pounds," says the girl incredulously. She goes into the back of the shop, and searches in the deepest, dustiest filing drawers she can find. There - to her amazement - she finds an old file. "Well you'll never believe it," she says to the tramp, back in the shop. "I've got you a holiday - its a super-duper, ultra-hyper, mega-economy class round the world cruise - and it costs ten pounds." "Yippee!" exclaims the tramp, "I'll take it!" A few days later he arrives at the port, and there in the dock is the most beautiful, most elaborately decorated, most expensive looking ocean-going liner he has ever seen. "Get off my ship ye dirty bum!" shouts a voice, and an irate captain storms down the gangplank and kicks the tramp down onto the dockside. "But I've got my ticket!", responds the tramp, "super-duper, ultra-hyper, mega-economy class, and I want on!" "Well okay," says the captain, "but you can't come on just now, I don't want my first-class passengers seeing you. Come back at midnight when it's dark and I'll let you on then." So the tramp finds himself a quiet spot among some cargo cases on the dockside, and he falls asleep. "Psst," says a voice, waking him with a start. It was the captain. "Hurry up, it's midnight, let's get you to your cabin." The tramp toddles after the captain, along the dockside, up the gangway, and onto the ship - and what a ship! First they went down through the first class level: Oriental carpets - 6" pile. A genuine Rembrandt on every wall. Leave your shoes outside for cleaning, and the steward brings a new pair. 24 ct gold trim everywhere. Then the second class: As above, but perhaps the carpets were only 3" deep, and so on... 3rd, 4th, 5th class, down past the casinos, and the ballrooms, down through the crew's quarters, down through the galleys, and the engine rooms, until finally, at the lowest point in the ship, against the very hull, the captain opens a watertight door into a tiny 7' x 4' cabin, with a hammock, a bedside table, and an alarm clock. "Sheer luxury!" exclaimed the tramp, "A room of my very own." "I'm glad you like it," replies the captain, "but there is one more thing... Your class of ticket only allows you to use the facilities of the ship, at night - when all the other passengers are asleep. So that's what the alarm clock is for. Enjoy your cruise." Well the cruise began, and the tramp had a whale of a time. Sleeping by day, and up on deck at night - he loved it. One-man-tennis, clay pigeon shooting, more food than he'd ever seen... Then one morning, a week or so into the cruise, the tramp decided he'd have a go on the diving board of the pool. He had just enough time for one dive before he had to go below. He climbed up the ladder, stepped onto the board tip, bounced, and dived... ... and what a dive...! Perfectly poised in the air, he hit the water without so much as a ripple. Now unknown to him, the captain - who'd grown rather fond of the poor old tramp - was standing watching this. "That was amazing!" exclaimed the captain, "Where did you learn to dive like that?" "Um, well I've never actually dived before," replied the tramp. "Well that's incredible!" says the captain, "I've never seen..." He broke off. "Hey, I've got an idea", he started again. "How would you like to train a bit, and we'll put on a show for the other passengers. I'll pay you, and you can then afford to go first class!" "It's a deal!" says our man. For the next 3 weeks the tramp practices like he's never practiced before. Back-flips, front-flips, triple-back sideways axled dives, you name it he tried it. Then one morning the captain comes to talk. "Okay, I'd like you to stay in your cabin for the next 2 days. We're going to erect a high diving board for you." "Okay," agreed the tramp. Two days passed, and the big day arrived. The ship was humming with excitement. Everyone wanted to see the mystery diver. The captain had provided the tramp with a new pair of swimming trunks and he wore these as he stepped out onto the sun-beaten deck. Gasps of astonishment from the crowd, and a hushed awe. Higher than the eye could see, towering up and up, rose a slender column of metal. "Well, tramp," said the captain, shaking his hand, "Let's see what you can do." And with that the Captain handed him a walkie talkie. And the tramp began to climb... up and up... below him the ship grew smaller... on and on... past a solitary albatross... and still higher... till the ship was but a speck on the ocean below... and on still further... / till the ocean grew dim... and the earth itself... began to shrink... past our moon... and on... and Mars... and on... higher, and higher... through the asteroid belt... and on and on towards the diving board... past the outer planets, until... on the outermost reaches of the Solar System... he reached the board. He climbed on top and radioed the captain... and then... .' '. . . . . he jumped. . . . . : Slowly at first, : but speeding up, : : : faster, and faster, : speeding past Pluto, : and the other outer planets, . . . . . . . . . through the asteroid belt, past Mars, and the moon, faster, and faster, faster - ever faster, and by now the earth was growing large in the distance, the oceans and land masses grew clear, faster, and faster, past the albatross, double-back somersault, and he could see the ship, tiny in the distance, hurtling down now, he posed, ready for the final 500 feet, Down on the ship the crew strained their necks, "I CAN SEE HIM!" yelled a passenger, "LOOK!!!" The tramp streaked down towards the pool, did a last triple flip, and dove... NOT A RIPPLE ON THE SURFACE! DOWN THROUGH THE WATER! SMASHED THROUGH THE POOL BOTTOM! DOWN THROUGH THE FIRST DECK! SMASHING THROUGH THE SECOND! DOWN! DOWN! THROUGH THE CREW'S QUARTERS! THROUGH THE ENGINE ROOMS! SMASHING THROUGH HIS OWN LITTLE CABIN! AND DOWN THROUGH THE DOUBLE-STRENGTH STEEL HULL OF THE SHIP! STILL DOWN...! DEEPER, DEEPER INTO THE MURKY DEPTHS, TILL......... SMASH! Into the sea bed, sinking a 37' shaft in the process. Desperate for air he struggle out of the shaft, his lungs bursting he swam frantically for the surface. Up and up, desperate, gasping... Out of the water, up the ladder onto the deck of the ship, into a throng wild with acclaim. "HERO!" "WONDERFUL!" "AMAZING!" "GOOD SHOW THAT!" And handing him a heated towel the captain spoke, as a hush fell over the crowd. "Well tramp, I have NEVER seen anything like that, EVER. That was the most *STUPENDOUS* piece of diving I have ever seen." The tramp blushed. The captain went on, "but tell me, most amazing of all is how you survived smashing through this boat after you dived - how did you do it." And the tramp looked at the captain, and the crowd and replied modestly: "Well you see... "For me to tell you, I'll need $49.95" The captain outrageously asked why. The tramp said "The intent is to provide players with a sense of pride and accomplishment for unlocking different heroes, As for cost, we selected initial values based upon data from the Open Beta and other adjustments made to milestone rewards before launch. Among other things, we’re looking at average per-player credit earn rates on a daily basis, and we’ll be making constant adjustments to ensure that players have challenges that are compelling, rewarding, and of course attainable via gameplay. We appreciate the candid feedback, and the passion the community has put forth around the current topics here on Reddit, our forums and across numerous social media outlets. Our team will continue to make changes and monitor community feedback and update everyone as soon and as often as we can."

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Do you have a favorite joke that involves dishes riceless?

Chinese takeout $15.00, gas to get there $1.50 Getting home to find they’ve forgotten one of your dishes. Riceless.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

I could use a good laugh. How about a joke about fries handjobs?

Handjobs [nsfw] A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu: "Cheeseburgers: $5 Fries: $3 Handjobs: $10." He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter, "Are you the one that gives the handjobs?" "Yes, I am," she replies seductively. "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Mind sharing a joke with me that has to do with mailmen angry?

If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN you get them VERY ANGRY

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Can you think of a joke that relates to bar gorilla that you could tell me?

A gorilla walks into a bar A gorilla goes into a bar and orders a martini. This totally amazes the bartender, but he thinks, "What the heck, I guess I might as well make the drink." So he mixes the martini. He then walks back over to the give it to the gorilla, and the animal is holding out a twenty-dollar bill. Well, now the bartender is just at a loss for words. He can't believe that a gorilla walked into his bar, ordered a martini, and then actually had a twenty-dollar bill to pay for it. So, in amazement, he takes the twenty and walks to the cash register to make the change. While he's standing in front of the cash register he stops for a second and thinks to himself, "Let me try something here and see if the gorilla notices anything." So he walks back over to the gorilla and hands him a dollar change. The gorilla doesn't say anything, he just sits there sipping the martini. After a few minutes the bartender just can't take it anymore. "You know," he says to the gorilla, "we don't get too many gorillas in here." And the gorilla says, "At nineteen dollars a drink I'm not surprised."

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Can you think of a joke that relates to peter pan that you could tell me?

Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands You really should upvote this joke because it never gets old

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Can you make me chuckle with a joke that involves excited 2017?

Today i asked the hot girl at my gym what her New Year's resolution was. She said "fuck you". So i'm pretty excited about 2017.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Can you think of a joke that relates to peta like that you could tell me?

PETA is like a box of chocolates They kill dogs

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Could you tell me a funny joke that has to do with fragile lipstick?

Did you hear Mary Poppins stopped wearing lipstick whilst giving head? Apparently the super colour fragile lipstick makes the dicks atrocious.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

I'm in the mood for a joke about second repost. Do you have any good ones?

Why are there two “d”s in “Reddit”? The second one’s a repost.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Do you have a favorite joke that involves flying pig?

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? The letter F.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Could you tell me a funny joke that has to do with fondled blonde?

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek. The old lady thinks, “I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde and she struck the pervert.” The blonde thinks, “I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me and she slapped him.” The Frenchman thinks, “I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark and she slapped me by mistake.” The Englishman thinks, “I can’t wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again.”

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Could you please entertain me with a joke related to black hole?

If you aren't impressed with the picture of the first Black Hole you clearly don't understand the gravity of the situation

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Would you be willing to share a joke about arrest suspicion with me?

My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed. After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Could you tell me a funny joke that has to do with communism fail?

We should've known communism would fail. There were a lot of red flags.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Tell me a humorous joke that involves russia punchline.

I proposed my Russian girlfriend and she said Yes! For the wedding, my whole family and friends flew over to her home town of Moscow. It was a beautiful ceremony, however I did find some things strange. For instance, the priest never said, "You may now kiss the bride", but I just assumed it was purely an American thing and didn't mind. Later during the reception, we were both starving and decided to head over to the buffet to get food. On the way we passed the drink table, where about six people were waiting to get a fruity drink from a bowl. As we passed, they all said in unison, "You may now kiss the bride!" My wife got giddy and gave me a big kiss, which I of course returned. As we walked away I asked, "Why did *they* tell us to kiss and not the priest?" My wife answered, "In Soviet Russia, the punchline tells you!"

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Mind sharing a joke with me that has to do with alarms door?

I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it. If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Could you please entertain me with a joke related to donald devil?

One day in the future, Donald Trump has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to Hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil." You're on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Donald thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it was Barack Obama and a large pool of water. Barack kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell. "No," Donald said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and it would ruin my hair. I don't think I could do that all day long." The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, this is no good; I've got his problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Donald. The devil opened a third door. Through it, Donald saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Donald looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said.......... "OK, Monica, you're free to go."

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

I'd love to hear a witty joke related to dark chicken. Do you have one?

A joke my 8-year old made up: What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark? A chicken.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Mind sharing a joke with me that has to do with dad alcoholic?

The son went to his dad and asked him, "Dad, what's an alcoholic?" So the dad replied, "Do you see those four trees? Well, an alcoholic would see eight." The son replied, "But Dad, I only see two."

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

I'm in need of a good joke. Something that centers around monk fence should do the trick.

A man's fence is broken and he neess to hire someone to fix it So he goes online to find someone to fix his fence for him but he is unsatisfied with their prices, that is until he finds a Buddhist monk who will do it for free. He is initially surprised by this and assumes it might be a fake listing, but since it's free he feels like he has nothing to lose so he hires him. Sure enough a few days later the monk shows up with a toolkit in hand, the man shows the monk that his fence has been ripped out of the ground and that he needs to replace it. About an hour later the monk walks in and tells the man he is finished, and when the man goes outside he sees that the fence is perfect, thinking he can't just tell the monk to leave after doing such a great job for free he invites the monk inside for a cup of coffee. The man then starts talking to the monk, "It surprised me to see a monk offering services for fence repair, why do you do it?" he asked the monk replied "Religious reasons." The man then says "I don't know much about Buddhism, why do you need to repair fences?" "Because" the monk replied, "You would be surprised at the amount of karma you get for reposting."

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Do you know any jokes related to protests hong?

The protests in Hong Kong have been continuous for 160 days, proving the country does not belong to China. Because nothing made in China has ever lasted more than a week.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Would you happen to have a joke about plane gay that you could tell me?

Gay Couple on a Plane A gay couple (Jeremiah and Timothy) is traveling on a plane. "What if we had sex?" asks Jeremiah. "Are you crazy? Here, on the plane? It would be awkward, everyone would watch us doing it..." "Nobody is even paying attention to anything. Look!" Jeremiah stands up and asks loudly: "Could I have a napkin, please?" Nobody gives a damn. Everyone is sleeping, reading, looking out the window, etc. Flight attendants pretend to not hear them, as they also don't give a damn. "They really wouldn't care then, would they?" says Timothy. So Jeremiah and Timothy have wild sex on the plane. Later, when the plane arrives to the airport and the people are leaving, the stewardess sees an old man who threw up all over his shirt, even his pants are soaking in the filth. "Sir, you should've asked for a bag!" "I didn't dare" whispers the old man. "A few rows ahead I saw a man asking for a napkin and he got fucked in the ass..."

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Could you tell me a funny joke that has to do with complaining ea?

Why are people complaining,what EA did was great! I mean, you've got to give them credit.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Can you make me chuckle with a joke that involves boat?

As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter… I slid my finger back out, and within seconds, she was going down on me. I thought to myself, "I really need a new fucking boat."

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

I could use a good laugh. How about a joke about dogs lab?

Hello everyone! I'm a scientist and I am researching bestiality between humans and dogs. I will be in my Lab if you need me.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

What's a funny joke that relates to arabs wouldn?

Without the Arabs we wouldn’t have 9/11. We would have IX/XI instead

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Can you think of a joke that relates to celebrate halloween that you could tell me?

Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their door.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Tell me a humorous joke that involves girl changes.

When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested or you're level 99 friend-zoned Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Can you think of a joke that centers around left golf?

A woman joins a country club and when she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?" No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot… Finally, one man says, "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m." He figures the early tee-time will discourage her. The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late. They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay." She's there at 6:30 am. sharp and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She's fun and pleasant and the guys are impressed. They congratulate her and invite her back the next week. She smiles, and says, "I'll be there at 6:30, or 6:45." The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she plays left-handed. The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They're totally amazed. They can't figure her out. She's very pleasant and a gracious winner. They invite her back again, but each man harbors a burning desire to beat her. The third week, she's 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys. This week she plays right-handed and narrowly beats all three of them. The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she's so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can't hold a grudge. This woman is a riddle no one can figure out. They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse and finally, one of the men asks her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?" The lady blushes, and grins. "When my dad taught me to play golf, I learned that I was ambidextrous." she replies. "I like to switch back and forth." "When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I leave in the morning for golf practice, I pull the covers off him. If his willie points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed." The guys think this is hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys says, "What if it's pointing straight up?" She says, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late."

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Can you think of a joke that centers around republicans impeach?

Why won't the Republicans impeach Trump? Because they insist on carrying a baby to full term

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Would you be willing to share a joke about statue honey with me?

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door "Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue." "What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths' for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

I'm curious if you have a joke up your sleeve that pertains to better president?

Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump. But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to oranges.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Do you have a favorite joke that involves priest child?

Girl: “Forgive me father for I have sinned.” Priest: “What have you done my child?” Girl: “I called a man a son of a bitch.” Priest: “Why did you call him a son of a bitch?” Girl: “Because he touched my hand.” Priest: “Like this?” (as he touches her hand) Girl: “Yes father.” Priest: “That’s no reason to call a man a son of a bitch.” Girl: “Then he touched my breast.” Priest: “Like this?” (as he touched her breast) Girl: “Yes father.” Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.” Girl: “Then he took off my clothes, father.” Priest: “Like this?” (as he takes off her clothes) Girl: “Yes father. Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.” Girl: “Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where.” Priest: “Like this?” (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where) Girl: “YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!” Priest: (after a few minutes): “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.” Girl: “But father he had AIDS!” Priest: “THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!”

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

What's a funny joke that relates to wife pregnant?

Wife: “I’m pregnant.” Me: “Hi Pregnant, I’m Dad.” Wife: “No you’re not.”

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Could you please entertain me with a joke related to talks girls?

Girls who talks about girls' problems are great. But girls who talk about environmental problems are Greta.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

I'm in need of a good joke. Something that centers around duck feathers should do the trick.

My six year old nephew just told me this joke... Why does a a duck have feathers? To cover its butt quack.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Tell me a humorous joke that involves vegan.

A vegan said to me, "people who sell meat are gross!" I said, "people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer." credits to Adele Cliff, from the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. Link in the comments

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

What's a funny joke that relates to steve jobs?

Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump... But that’s comparing apples to oranges.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Would you be willing to share a joke about wear condom with me?

When I was a teen, my dad showed me a 30 minute PowerPoint presentation on why one should always wear a condom during sex. All the slides were just pictures of me.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Mind sharing a joke with me that has to do with day born?

I was telling a girl I met in a bar last night about my uncanny ability to guess the day a woman was born on just by feeling her tits. "Really?" she said. "Go on then... Try." After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience. "Come on," she demanded, "What day was I born on?" "Yesterday?" I replied.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Do you know any jokes related to brother dentist?

4 years ago today, I shared the worst joke I ever created. Here it is again for those that missed it. There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to get off his lazy behind and go get them some food. After some protest, the lazy brother takes the car and leaves for the store. In the meantime, the dentist takes a nap on his day off. He turns off his phone so he won't be interrupted. About 30 minutes later, the lazy brother gets into a head-on collision in the intersection by the grocery store. His vital signs are fading; he's unconscious and barely moving. An ambulance picks him up and rushes him to the hospital. He ends up in the Emergency Room under observation, but his condition is critical. They try calling his dentist brother, but he doesn't pick up because his phone is off. The dentist wakes to a knock on the door. Suspecting a solicitor, he ignores it, but the knocking continues. Eventually, he resolves to get up and yell at the person at the door. When he does, he reveals--- the grim reaper. He is just as he appears in movies; a full skeleton underneath a tattered cloak. The grim reaper swears. "Oh no! This always happens with identical twins". "What do you mean?" asks the dentist. "Well... if you must know, your brother was in a critical car accident, and I've come to take him to the underworld. I'm afraid his time on Earth has ended. I'll take my leave now." The dentist is noticeably upset. He says "Wait! Isn't there some way I can challenge you for my brother's life? After all, YOU made the mistake. Certainly there must be a way I can bargain for his life." The grim reaper asks "What do you have in mind?" The dentist thinks. "How about a challenge? If I beat you, you let my brother go free." The grim reaper laughs. "I will beat you in any challenge. What challenge do you propose?" The dentist smiles. "I propose we see who has the cleanest teeth. 5 minutes of brushing each, then we decide." "Very well" says the grim reaper, who makes his way to the bathroom. Once there, he pulls back his tattered cloak to reveal his skull. It's glistening. He takes a toothbrush from the bathroom, loads it with toothpaste, and brushes. After 5 minutes, the shiniest teeth anyone has ever seen glisten and make the room bright. The grim reaper grins. "You are foolish human. But, you are entitled to your chance." The dentist takes another toothbrush, loads it with toothpaste, and starts brushing like a madman. When his 5 minutes are up, he spits out the paste. He smiles. It's unbelievable. The shine from the dentist's teeth is so beautiful that he can see the grim reaper's reflection in his perfectly clean teeth. The winner is obvious. The grim reaper hangs his head in shame. "You win, human. This time. Your brother will live." He disappears in a puff of smoke. At the same instant, the bed-ridden brother wakes up in the hospital. Not only is he uninjured, he seems perfectly healthy. Suddenly, the phone by his bed rings. It's his brother, the dentist. He picks up. "Hey bro. You'll never believe what happened. Apparently, I went out to the market and got hit by a car. They say I almost died." The dentist smiles on the phone and says. "That's interesting, bro. Today you might say that I also had a brush with death."

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Would you be willing to share a joke about walked bar with me?

Yesterday, I changed a light bulb, crossed the street, and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

I'd love to hear a witty joke related to getting married. Do you have one?

If any of you here are thinking of getting married, consider the following before you do. On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring. On the other hand, you don’t.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Would you be willing to share a joke about shooting jokes with me?

I never understood school shooting jokes I guess they're aimed at a younger audience...

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Can you think of a joke that centers around yo momma?

Can we ban "Yo Momma" jokes from this sub? They're old, stupid, and have been done by literally everyone hundreds of times Just like yo momma.

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Could you tell me a funny joke that has to do with itching powder?

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.  One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague,Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor.Horatio thought about this, and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.  Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.  The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.  Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch. The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their chambers.  Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and hailed as a hero. Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get lost. The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick. The moral of the story - Pay your bills !!

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Can you think of a joke that relates to angels asked that you could tell me?

After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?" God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes

Tell me a humorous joke that involves conjoined twins.

I called two girls hipsters and got slapped. Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".

SocialGrep/one-million-reddit-jokes