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Out with my grandfatherly coworker for a beer | The last day of work before the holiday shutdown, an older coworker and me went out for a beer after work. The waitress brought us out bottles and asked "Would you like glasses?" to which he pulled out his safe | Continue a dad joke: |
what did green say to yellow? | I'm feeling a little green about it too. | Continue a dad joke: |
Why is it called a "House?" | Because "carpet" was taken. | Continue a dad joke: |
At the cinema | My came with me in front of cinema just to make sure everything is ok, and you know how you can't bring anything inside, well we had lots of drinks and my dad says: Put them in your pants to chill your balls. | Continue a dad joke: |
Ready to rock? | Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! | Continue a dad joke: |
Where's my comb? My friends family was driving through DC the other day and they were looking for a certain Macomb street. | Mom: Come on where's this street? Where's Macomb? Dad: Right next to Mabrush street. | Continue a dad joke: |
Talking about resolutions | While with family today, the topic of New Year Resolutions came up, my dad let this one fly. "I have a thing called a New Year Revolution, I promise I'll do one by this time next year." This led to all the dads chuckling and all | Continue a dad joke: |
Whenever we watch sports on TV | Dad: I could see that was wrong from here and I'm 1000 miles away! | Continue a dad joke: |
My dad just pulled this one on us | I'm on a seafood diet! What? No you're not! Yeah! I see food, I eat it! | Continue a dad joke: |
What do you call 1000 aches? | A kilohertz. | Continue a dad joke: |
My Dad said this to me this morning | My friend drunkenly pissed on a helicopter last night, and while I was telling my dad about it, his response was to tell him "urine idiot!" and proceeded to laugh while my mother and I groaned. | Continue a dad joke: |
Never thought my grandpa would do something like this. | That's a stretc | Continue a dad joke: |
Grandma, I just called Grandpa Rob Uncle Rob! | You can call me whatever you want, as long as you don't call me late for dinner. | Continue a dad joke: |
Look at all these houses with Christmas lights up already! | Happy new year | Continue a dad joke: |
Dadjoke failed on unappreciative wife | Would you like to start the new year off with a bang? | Continue a dad joke: |
My dad celebrated last night with a glass of "white wine" | Most people would call it "milk" | Continue a dad joke: |
Well, he's not wrong. This morning, a commercial came on advertising the new, upcoming season of Modern Family. | I had forgotten how the previous season had ended so I asked my father. "How did last season end?" he replied, "With the credits." | Continue a dad joke: |
Wedding anniversary | My parent's wedding anniversary is on New Year's Eve. Every single year, my dad to my mum: Hey look at all these specials/decorations/parties they're having for our anniversary! How sweet! Every year. | Continue a dad joke: |
Perfect Eyesight Dad: Wow, it's already 2014. Heck, in six years, everybody will have perfect eyesight! | It'll be 2020! | Continue a dad joke: |
Was talking to my sister about the show Castle Me: What happened on the last episode of Castle? | The moat broke | Continue a dad joke: |
Dad dropped this one while driving through Texas | Do you think they put that there on porpoise? | Continue a dad joke: |
Dad went out to eat last night and got fish. | Know why I got halibut? For the halibut (pronounced like hell of it) | Continue a dad joke: |
Winterclassic, and a dadjoke. My grandfather walks up to me and says | "the score is zero to zero" | Continue a dad joke: |
At a restaurant... | Whenever my dad got his beverage, he would put the straw in and blow bubbles followed by "Put the damn thing in upside down..." Then he flipped it over and proceeded to drink normally. I've adopted this one, but wouldn't recommend it o | Continue a dad joke: |
Dad-joked the girlfriend on New years | She goes in for the New Year's kiss. She goes in for the New Year's kiss. "Wow I don't usually kiss on the first date, but OK!" I get a minor groan. After the kiss, "Wow that was totally worth it, that was the best kiss I've had all year!" she pushes | Continue a dad joke: |
My girlfriend is such a dad | Who is Attle? | Continue a dad joke: |
My dad gets sick around new years every year, he is always better Jan 1. | This is the best i have felt all year! | Continue a dad joke: |
1st of January 2014 00:01 my dad said | "The last time I showered was last year." | Continue a dad joke: |
Don't eat anything!!! | Its probably gone bad, Its all from last year! ~Happy new years | Continue a dad joke: |
Getting our things home after vacation | Well it'll be way easier if | Continue a dad joke: |
Whenever dinners ready | Nearly every dinner my dad has the same routine when calling us to the dinner table. He yells, "let's eat, people!" then he smirks and says... "Well... let's not eat people." | Continue a dad joke: |
The first thing I know my dad will say today. | As soon as I call my pops he is going to say "I haven't talked to you since last year!" | Continue a dad joke: |
A joke my dad dropped on me a few months ago | It's too bad son, your Gameboy never grew up. | Continue a dad joke: |
More clever than usual. My dad and I were watching the ball drop when Miley started performing 'Wrecking Ball' | and right as the chorus came on, he sings "We could've had it all, Hakeem who?" | Continue a dad joke: |
It's Been So Long Man, I haven't been on dad jokes since last year... | although it feels like only a few hours. | Continue a dad joke: |
A grandma joke and a dad joke all in one. | It was something from his Facebook feed, and he was mostly telling it to my mom when I realized I had heard this story before. In fact, I can even give you the link to the post on Reddit. It was on /r/forwardsfrom | Continue a dad joke: |
Are you cooking food, Mom? | I love foodmom! | Continue a dad joke: |
New Year's dinner party Uncle: wow, this steak is really well done! | Dad (with a joking hurt face): I thought I made it medium rare! | Continue a dad joke: |
Was running a register at work, dadjoked myself. | Rang up a 100 Grand bar, we sell them for fifty cents right now. | Continue a dad joke: |
My friend's dad said this while on the phone... | I haven't heard from you all year, and you have the audacity to call me and ask me for a ride? The time was 1:24 AM, January 1 2014 | Continue a dad joke: |
Friend's mom made a dad-joke while we were driving through Texas | Because it's Bush's state. | Continue a dad joke: |
My Grandad got me good on new year's eve. We were watching the lead up to new year on tv (in England so it was presented by Gary Barlow) | and behind the stage my Grandad notices some fire exits amongst the seats in the audience and he says "Look at all those!" | Continue a dad joke: |
I Dad-Joked my Dad the other day | While driving back from the store with my dad, we were talking and he brought up something I didn't remember him saying. | Continue a dad joke: |
Mom dad joke | We recently bought a bird and we were thinking of names. We live in a town named Matawan Mom: "lets name him DaVinci" Sister: "that just means from Vinci" Mom: "so lets name him DeMatawan" | Continue a dad joke: |
My dad can be quite inappropriate. | As I was pouring a class of apple cider.. Dad: Have you ever tried hard cider? Me: of course Dad: My favorite brand is dickens. As I walked away, Dad: I love my hard dicken cider (sound it out) | Continue a dad joke: |
Every dad in the world on new years | See you NEXT YEAR! | Continue a dad joke: |
Favorite albums of 2013 | Can't submit link posts but here's the screenshot. The one with the ferrari profile pic is a dad. | Continue a dad joke: |
My daughter doesn't wear polka dot dresses anymore | because every time she does, I poke all the dots saying, "Nice poke-a-dot dress, hun!" | Continue a dad joke: |
Dads, remember NYE protocol. 1. Wait till 11:59. 2. Say, "See you next year!" 3. Turn your back on person. 4. Turn back a minute later. 5. "Heeeeey there!" | If we stick to this, I'm sure we can have a great new year! | Continue a dad joke: |
Why do you always bang girls with big asses? | So your balls don't touch the floor | Continue a dad joke: |
What's brown and sticky? | A stick. | Continue a dad joke: |
Show up at costume party without a shirt | ...tell people you're "Premature ejaculation" because you just came in your pants. | Continue a dad joke: |
Is this like Troll Dad jokes? | Because if it is, my dad once farted in my uncle's cereal while he was in the bathroom. Ironically, my uncle got pink eye shortly after. | Continue a dad joke: |