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1,110 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Beth | That’s wonderful, Summer! |
1,111 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Jerry | We’re so proud of you. But honestly, you don’t have to make dinner every night. |
1,112 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Summer | Of course I do, silly! Oh my God, daddy, I’m sorry I called you silly! I’m so sorry! Heavenly head and cranial creator! Forgive my transgressions against family and community! May my chores complete me as I complete them! |
1,113 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Birdperson | Morty. |
1,114 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | Birdperson? |
1,115 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Birdperson | You appear to be dying. I will make efforts to prevent this, but can promise nothing. |
1,116 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Wh-What do you think, Ice? Probably a little over-developed. |
1,117 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Ice-T | Shit. Over-developed, under-developed. Bad songs are bad songs. |
1,118 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Well, do you think maybe, could you give me some help with it, or… ? |
1,119 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Ice-T | Ah, hell no, man. You do your thing, but I can’t afford to get my pride wrapped up in your shame. You know what I’m sayin’? |
1,120 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Ice, I don’t want to be a negative Nelly or anything, but if Morty doesn’t come back with my portal gun and I eat it out there, it’s, uh, kind of your problem too. |
1,121 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Ice-T | Pfff. I ain’t worried about no Earth blowin’ up, man. |
1,122 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | What? Why not? |
1,123 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Ice-T | Yo, this is why. |
1,124 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | What the fuck? You can turn into ice? |
1,125 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Ice-T | My story begins at the dawn of time in the far away realm of Alphabetrium. There, every being is a letter of the alphabet. But I was frozen and exiled to the cosmos by my elders as punishment for not caring enough about anything. Earth is just one of the many stops on my lifelong journey with no destination. So you better believe I don’t care if it blows up! Cause I’ll just be ice, floatin’ through space, like a comet! |
1,126 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Take it from me, Ice. You can’t just float around space not caring about stuff forever. |
1,127 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Ice-T | Pshhhh. Man, watch me. Good luck, Rick. |
1,128 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | President | Ok, things are getting out of hand. I better make sure Rick has everything he needs to “get schwifty.” |
1,129 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Nathan | Oh, for God’s sake, that’s enough. |
1,130 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | President | What the hell are you doing, Nathan? I’m the goddamn President of the United fuckin’ States! |
1,131 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Nathan | I’m setting the nuclear option to launch one minute into Earth’s performance. And you, Mr. President, I hope you like being hit in the face with a gun! |
1,132 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | President | Wait, wait, wait, why-why -- |
1,133 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Birdperson | I believe I can access the history of Rick’s gun and help you get back to him. |
1,134 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | But can you help me get to my family? You know, at my house? |
1,135 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Birdperson | Is your intention to abandon Rick using his own portal gun? In bird culture, this is considered a dick move. |
1,136 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | All of Rick’s moves are dick moves! Wh-what am I eating? What is this, bird seed? |
1,137 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Birdperson | It is random debris. I found it in my carpet. I don’t know what humans eat. |
1,139 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Birdperson | Don’t be gross, Tammy. |
1,141 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | Tammy… gross. Birdperson, you always stick up for Rick, but he doesn’t care about anyone but himself. He doesn’t think about the consequences of anything he does. |
1,142 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Birdperson | And as a result, he has the power to save or destroy entire worlds. And he is the reason you and I know each other. And the reason I’m alive at all. |
1,143 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | What’s that? Who’s that baby? |
1,144 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Birdperson | Morty, suppose you could retrieve your family from Earth but had to abandon Rick. I could give your loved ones shelter on Birdworld, even jobs, possibly as worm ranchers. How often do you think you might look up at the stars and wonder what might have been had you just put your faith in Rick? |
1,145 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Cromulon | That was Chunky Tunk with “Full Ming Mong, Empty Gorp Dorp.” Up next, planet Earth! |
1,146 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | Oh God! We’re up?!?! |
1,147 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Principal Vagina | Jerry and Beth, your family is a golden example of what Headism has to offer the world. |
1,148 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Beth | The world? |
1,149 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Principal Vagina | Headism is a hit. We’re taking it worldwide and would like Jerry to be our church’s “Head” of Advertising. |
1,150 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Jerry | You… would? |
1,151 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Principal Vagina | Beth, we’d like to promote you from horse surgeon, straight past human surgeon, to “Head” of Medicine. |
1,152 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Beth | That’s my dream! That’s my dream. |
1,153 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Jerry | Thank you. This is all so overwhelming, but, uh… we can’t. |
1,154 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Beth | Absolutely not. |
1,155 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Principal Vagina | I’m sorry? |
1,156 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Beth | We’ve been waiting 16 years for our daughter to respect us, but the key is, it has to be “our” daughter, not this person she’s become. |
1,157 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Jerry | We’ll take our chances raising her without fancy new jobs outside of a potato-based religion. And you know what? I’m sick of pretending that we’re together because of the kids in the first place! I married you because you’re the love of my life! |
1,158 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Beth | And I‘m lucky to have you and I never tell you that! You know, we will come out of this stronger as a family! |
1,159 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Beth | Please don’t do this, please don’t do this! Summer! |
1,160 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Jerry | Summer, listen carefully. I stole a paper clip and I have it in my cheek but I don’t know what to do with it and it hurts. |
1,161 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Summer | You’re going to be ok! You will come back as babies! |
1,162 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Jerry | I AM a baby! I’m a baby NOW! |
1,163 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | Hello? Is anybody here? Mr. President! |
1,164 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | President | This is Bluebird. Code tango-niner-alpha. Abort launch. Abort! Hello? He’s blocked me out. |
1,165 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | Sir, I need to get to the stage and help Rick get schwifty! |
1,166 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | President | It won’t matter how schwifty you get, Morty. The General’s got nukes set to launch halfway through Earth’s song! |
1,167 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | Oh my God! C-c-can you fly a Blackhawk? |
1,168 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | President | Can the Pope’s dick fit through a donut? |
1,169 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | Uhhh, I’m not sure? |
1,170 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | President | Exactly! |
1,171 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Cromulon | SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT. |
1,172 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Ahem. Uhhh… lop-oo-lop-oo-lop-oo-dups, nop-oo-nop-oo-nop-oo-nuts. |
1,173 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Principal Vagina | Headward free now to rise! |
1,174 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Mr. Goldenfold | Hey! Look at the heads! Looks like the heads are gettin’ angry! |
1,175 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | President | I’m really bad at this, Morty! There are way too many buttons on this thing! |
1,176 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | Mr. President, if I’ve learned one thing today, it’s that sometimes, you have to not give a fuck! |
1,177 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Nup-oo-nup-oo-nup-oo-nups… ooh, tough crowd. |
1,178 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Principal Vagina | I’m sure that has… that has nothing to do with this. |
1,179 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Summer | The heads are displeased! |
1,181 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Morty! |
1,182 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Mr. Goldenfold | The heads love this! They love it when we DON’T kill the Smith family! |
1,183 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Principal Vagina | No! Stop that! You’re not allowed to interpret the will of the heads! |
1,184 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | President | Call off the nuclear strike! This is the President. Stop the nuclear missile launch! |
1,185 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Nathan | Just launch the missiles! |
1,186 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Cromulon | BOO! NOT COOL! |
1,187 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Principal Vagina | I’m the only one that speaks to the heads! |
1,188 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Cromulon | DISQUALIFIED! |
1,189 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Mr. Goldenfold | The heads disqualified Vagina! Get him! |
1,190 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Cromulon | DISQUALIFIED! DISQUALIFIED! |
1,192 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Ice-T | That’s right, it’s me, Ice-T! I care now! You made me care more! With all due respect, I’d like to hear what Rick and Morty have to play. |
1,193 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | What do you say, Rick? |
1,194 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | I say… Let’s do it! |
1,195 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | All right! |
1,196 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | Ohhhh yeahhhh! |
1,197 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Come on, here we go! |
1,198 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | Ohhhh yeahhhh! |
1,199 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Say it with me! |
1,201 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Principal Vagina | Ohhh my GOOOOODDDD!!! |
1,205 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Cromulon | After 988 seasons of Planet Music, the Cromulons have decided to declare Earth the final winner and bring our musical reality show to a conclusion. Goodbye! |
1,207 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Mr. Goldenfold | Did he just say “musical reality show”? |
1,208 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Jerry | Yeah, it’s possible that we may have been correlating some things that weren’t actually related at all. |
1,209 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Principal Vagina | HEEEEELLLLPPPP!!!!! |
1,210 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Beth | We should go get him. |
1,211 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | President | I hope I can call on you again if we need you, Morty. |
1,212 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | Sure thing! And I was kinda hoping that I could get a selfie with you? |
1,213 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | President | Actually, if you try to tell anyone what happened here, we’ll deny it and probably worse. |
1,214 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Morty | Understood. |
1,215 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Nathan | DIIIIEEEE!!!! |
1,216 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | President | Why didn’t he turn into a snake? |
1,217 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | Rick | Trade secret, Mr. President. Particle beam in a wristwatch… snake holster on the leg. |
1,218 | 2 | 5 | Get Schwifty | President | I love this man! |
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