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1673057813 | 1673137851 | t3_105d0wr | t5_2to41 | 169 | Supersim54: TIFU by accidentally scaring a couple of drunk girls
This happened between 2015-2017 not exactly sure when. So my friend (M 5’11)and I (M 6’0 )where up around maybe 2:00-2:30AM and we where hungry so we thought we’d get some Fat Shack (unhealthy sub place if not familiar) it closed at like 3 and it was within walking distance so my friend stayed at the house to wait for me so I start to jog down this residential street at like 2:00am. I’m getting close to this car with its lights on and people seem to be talking to each other I thought it was weird someone was out that late and as I get close I hear one girl scream and the door slam and another girl standing on the sidewalk. I get concerned I slow down and stop I ask the girl on the sidewalk if everything is okay she asks if I can help her and that’s when I realize I’m the reason that girl screamed I tell the girl on the sidewalk I was just on my way to get food and apologized to them. I think about how scary that must have been for them a guy running straight at them super early in the morning like that they must have been terrified.
TL:DR (6’0 M) got hungry at 2:00 am jogged down a residential street and accidentally scared 2 drunk girls at their car.
KrankySilverFox: You didn’t FU but maybe you have a better understanding of how scary regular life is for women.
Soda_BoBomb: I, too, like to ignore reality.
Because the reality is that men are far more likely to be attacked than women.
KrankySilverFox: Reality is that men rarely get raped during the attack.
Soda_BoBomb: Sure, they just get killed instead, and attacked far more often.
KrankySilverFox: Ok live in your reality. Nothing but love.
Soda_BoBomb: Rofl, sure. If you had nothing but love, you'd care instead of dismissing it because women get raped more often but attacked less overall.
To you, men are disposable.
| 7 | 24.142857 |
|
1674864216 | 1674919716 | t3_10n0f46 | t5_2to41 | -36 | Lolisaurus18: Tifu by lying about having a driving license
I'm embarrassed about not having a driving license since I'm already 21.
I've been dating S since November.
I've been driving since I'm like 19, even though I'm not supposed to so I'm a good driver.
S has huge trust issues, he always thinks I'm gonna cheat or stuff like that.
I always get mad when he accuses me of something saying he's unfair since I never lied to him.
That's true, but I lied about this one thing.
And I drove his car.
I honestly thought it was no big deal since he's not the most responsible person on earth, but yesterday he found out and apparently it was.
Of course he got mad because of the fact that he could get in trouble because of that, but the worst thing he said, the one which actually hurt was "I knew I was right about not trusting you. If you lied about this you could lie about anything."
So I fucked up pretty bad since now he has the right to think I always lie and the trust is completely gone.
TL;DR: said to my bf with huge trust issues I had a driving license, i didn't. Now he won't trust me about the important stuff
Eig8t86: Ok sit him down and sincerely apologize to him for the drivers license. Tell him that you want to make it up to him and ask him to help you get your driver's license. And go with him to get your driver's license. Then tell him deliberate lies as punishment for being a weak man. Like I loaded the dishwasher when all the dishes are in the sink.
Lolisaurus18: Why ahahaha
Extension_Ad4537: Because it’s the mature and responsible thing to do
Lolisaurus18: Lying for punishing him for being a "weak man"? You ok bro?
Eig8t86: Keep doing you, you seem like someone that won't make any differences. Just seeing a red flag for abuse.
| 6 | -6 |
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1673066581 | 1673103432 | t3_105fzv9 | t5_2to41 | 48 | Big_fatty_boi_69: TIFU by peeing in a Starbucks cup in the car
Well, the title pretty much explains everything but I’ll try to expand on it.
It happened around 10 minutes ago, and 10 minutes before that I wasn’t really feeling it. We were at a gas station filling up the car and my bladder, or my balls rather decided to fuck with me and not let me know that I needed to take a piss.
10 minutes later, we’re going 80 km/h on the freeway and then I felt it. It was the strongest urge I’ve ever felt in my whole existence. It was as strong as a pitbull’s grip on a toddler’s leg. I told my dad I could hold it till the next stop but holy fucking shit it was one of the biggest lies I ever said.
I started looking for a container in which to deposit my weewee and I found an empty Starbucks cup lying in the back of the car. I reached for it and started positioning myself. I was sort of anxious that someone looking outside their car window would see my dick but I realized I couldn’t see it either so I told myself it was fine. So I started peeing.
Sheer panic started to envelope my whole being as I saw the piss rapidly filling the cup. I retracted my hips so the tip of my penis wouldn’t touch the pee but I pissed on my hand and on the floor in the process. I managed to stop myself from peeing which took every ounce of strength I had, but thank god my uncle handed me an empty container of almond nuts he had literally just finished at the time. It was hard getting my balls to start getting rid of the pee to the point where I farted a sustained whole note in front of my mother’s face.
I am embarrassed as all hell now and the mattress was stained with piss. I tried cleaning it but the wet stain just became even more prominent.
TL;DR I had the strongest urge to whizz, covered my hand and the car mattress with piss, and embarrassed myself in front of the family.
Diet_Salad: So pee IS stored in the balls
Big_fatty_boi_69: Yeah they started shrinking when it was happening so it should be the only plausible explanation, right?
lmaxboy: My brother in Christ, that is 100% not how your urinary tract works. If this is real and not some weird karma farming thing see a doctor immediately.
Big_fatty_boi_69: Nah I was kidding. It was hella painful tho, might see a doctor for it.
Spirited-Reputation6: Might wanna check for a UTI while you’re there
| 6 | 8 |
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1673072791 | 1673078018 | t3_105hywl | t5_2to41 | 86 | hardnailssoftbelly: TIFU by running on grass
This happened in 2012 when I was around 13 years old. Reposting from an old comment to another post.
So my dad is from Ireland, and he took his Australian wife and kids to Ireland for a holiday and to visit family. During our time here, we visited the giants causeway.
First of all, we went during Christmas time, and I have never, ever, been so cold in all my life. The first day we arrived we went and bought these heavy winter coats because our Aussie ones just weren’t cutting it. Anyway.
My siblings and I crawled all over the hexagon shaped mounds, and eventually our parents wandered off to sit down and watch us tire ourselves out.
It’s right next to the sea, and not only was there piss all sand, all along the bank was the brightest, most beautifully untouched stretch of green grass that I had ever seen. Neatly placed at the start of the green grass, was a small little sign that said “do not run on grass”.
Well. One of my brothers looked at the sign, looked at me, and it was on.
One foot in, I knew we made a terrible mistake. The deceptively sturdy looking grass was just a pretty cover for the slick, veritable mud field underneath. We got three strides in before we tried to stop, only the hill was steep, and we were idiots.
Time slowed down, my legs flew out from underneath me and I looked over at my brother. He’s in the same position, and his face looks like a great squeeze of regret and fear. I think about my shoes, as I’m slowly on the descent down to the soggy ground, and it’s then that I remember my coat. Being our only major holiday we ever took, our mum took great pride in buying us only the best looking and feeling coats. I thought about my lovely white wool knitted coat, lined with ivory coloured satiny fabric and I could feel death creep upon my neck.
I hit the ground with a soggy thud, but the journey wasn’t over. We had been running too fast, and the mud was too slick, so our bodies became reluctant mud surfboards down this hillside of sludgy stupidity. As we slid a good four or five meters down, I felt the mud slosh all up the back of my coat to my neck, and felt the slimy, wet, and cold sludge wedge itself up the bottom of my coat and to the inside.
All of a sudden, we stopped sliding. I stood, on shaky legs, and looked out towards the sea. So beautiful. So calm.
I turned to look up towards the top of the grassy hill and saw my mum looking down at me, at my coat, and at my brother, who was still laying in the mud. I turned back towards the sea and contemplated the swim back to Australia.
Lucky for us, dad was off to the side laughing his arse off, along with a handful of other tourists. Mum has never forgotten though, and my brother and I got a revving the whole walk back to the car, and we were kept on a short leash for the rest of the trip.
TL;DR I ignored the "don't run on grass sign" and slid down a muddy hill while wearing a new white coat. Mum was very angry.
teashirtsau: Never buy kids anything in white that you don't want dirty in a day...
louwyatt: I have 5 white T-shirts because my family thinks I look good in white. All of them are stained beyond recovery.
| 3 | 28.666667 |
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1673074687 | 1673075092 | t3_105iipx | t5_2to41 | 26 | Stinky_Stalin-1289: TIFU by accidentally blurting out swear words out of frustration in class
I was in my history class today. Me and my friend were working on an assignment and we realized halfway through the assignment that we were doing it wrong, in frustration I said “fucking shit!” But unfortunately by volume was a little too loud and my teacher heard. He stormed over to my desk and yelled at me, and told me that the next time a swore I was getting an email home and a referral to the office. I have a reputation of being annoying little shit in my school and I have tried to fix it but this made it way worse. Not to mention my crush was in that class, so it’s safe to say I didn’t set a good example.
Tl;dr: got frustrated at an assignment, couldn’t control my volume and accidentally yelled out 2 swear words, teacher heard me and I got yelled at in front of my crush, very embarrassing.
JoeBethersonton50504: When I was young, circa 8ish years olds, at my parents’ dry cleaner there was a wall of signed photos of “celebs”. Quotes because they were probably like local weathermen and city council members.
Anyway one of them was signed with an inscription “Hey ____, congrats you son of a bitch! Love, ____”
My adolescent brain had never heard of this phrase before and assumed it was a term of endearment because it was followed by “Love”.
That week in school the teacher I liked said something nice to me, so in front of the whole class I replied out loud “Thanks Mr. ____, you son of a bitch!”
My parents got a call.
Stinky_Stalin-1289: Oh no! I mean at least you didn’t know any better. I am in high school so extremely immature for me
| 3 | 8.666667 |
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1673079703 | 1673109747 | t3_105jx15 | t5_2to41 | 100 | RandomPucker: TIFU with pancakes and an act of petty revenge gone awry
Just moments ago, during breakfast,just me(M, 21+) and my brother(M, older) were planning how the day would go, because of a hike, I suggested a heartier breakfast, I went eggs, blackcurrant pie, some slices of salami, turkey breast and ham, he went just the meats and three tomatoes, he then asks me to fetch two pancakes with maple syrup for him, I went *okay, I will absolutely drown those golden flat discs in syrup,* and on top of that, I grabbed more, on the premise of the hearty breakfast
*The FU:* he *freaking tells me he is goshdarn full* with one pancake left
And no, *dear redditor reader* it has not ended here, in the breakfast time, the hike is gonna be *long*, how long you ask? *well, with pleasure I tell you it will be in the vicinity of fifty thousand long and arduous steps and body movement* thankfully it is foggy outside
So here sits I, with pancakes drowned with syrup that I **hate** coming out of my ears after eating do much
TL;DR: >! bro wanted pancakes, I am almost puking by 7 am! !<
*UPDATE:* bellies empty, hikes hiked, smiles smiled, >!pukes not puked!< , sore feet ached, steps taken one after another, 25 miles worth of them
>!resubmitted because automatic moderator came and swiftly deleted my former post for not having enough typed letters!<
Valastrix: I'm not sure what is going on, and I'm too afraid to ask now.
Firesunwatermoon: Haha! I’m here confused too.
OP why are you eating them if you don’t like them? No one’s forcing you to eat your maple syrup laden pancake.
Superloopertive: "Oh no! Now I have to eat my own shit!"
RandomPucker: Check my comment with the update guys, thanks for the laughs!
| 5 | 20 |
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1674865681 | 1674866876 | t3_10n105q | t5_2to41 | 1 | omeyz: TIFU by fucking UP
[removed]
KrankySilverFox: Uh that hole is pretty small dude. You sure you wanna be sharing this little fantasy?
omeyz: haha yeah i made the whole thing up then halfway through realized how tiny the hole is so then i said i have a micropenis
| 3 | 0.333333 |
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1673091853 | 1673099398 | t3_105n5op | t5_2to41 | 15 | [deleted]: TIFU by accidentally spooning my father in law
[deleted]
RIP_Pol: This was ripped off from John Simm on "Would I Lie to You?"
https://youtu.be/tihfhE9iZfE
ThrowRA527272: r/iamverysmart
rotating_pebble: Weird behaviour
ThrowRA527272: Aw did you ask Reddit to send me a help message?
| 5 | 3 |
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1673093150 | 1673136038 | t3_105nji7 | t5_2to41 | 2,290 | geometricsalmonfart: TIFU thinking it was “mom” not “mam”
So my fiancé and I are watching Slow Horses. A nice British spy/crime series, easy to watch on a night in with some wine.
I love a good British crime/drama series. Grew up on them. For years i’ve been watching these shows and for years I’ve been thinking that the female superiors in these shows are referred to as “mum”… always thought it was a bit strange but hey, I’m not British so what do I know.
Tonight I’d had a few wines and the thought came up - maybe it is a bit strange they refer to these senior female officers as “mum” why is that? So I decided it vocalise these thoughts out loud… “babe, why do you think the senior female officers are referred to as ‘mom’?”
To which I received a raised eyebrow followed by her chortling… “wait.. you though they were saying MOM??”
This has been years I’ve thought this.. I even googled it. They say “mam” it just sounds like “mom”
My fiancé has been laughing at me for the last 20 minutes.
Damn British accent.
TL;DR: thought people in British crime shows were calling their female superiors “mom” instead of “mam” - I’ve thought this for years. It’s so hard to tell the difference with the accent.
EDIT: Posted this before bed and now reading this in the AM I’m learning that my TIFU is quite a few peoples TIL. Glad to know I’m not the only one.
A lot of people have also pointed out it’s spelt “ma’am” not “Mam” if I thought it was said “mom” then you can understand how the spelling was going to turn out.
Also, TIL there are two different ways of spelling Fiancée… if you’re engaged to a woman it’s Fiancée if you’re engaged to a man you drop the ‘e’ at the end…I’ve been spelling that wrong as well of course.
AllanfromWales1: So sad when colonials complain about our accents. Tax them, I say.
NostradaMart: asking for a friend here...do you "colonist" hate the letter t ? seems like you fuckers try everything not to pronounce it nowadays :P
-g-man_: I think you meant colonialist?
I imagine a colonist refers to a type of doctor (or perhaps a homosexual?)
Just fyi, we have a dozen different accents in England, so it's kinda hard to say how we pronounce t's.
Also guys, there is NO 'British accent'.
Just say English accent if that's what you mean
Britain includes Scotland and Wales and we all sound totally different.
NostradaMart: Definitions from [Oxford Languages](https://languages.oup.com/google-dictionary-en)
&#x200B;
col·o·nist/ˈkälənəst/📷[Learn to pronounce](https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&rlz=1C1VDKB_frCA1022CA1022&q=how+to+pronounce+colonist&stick=H4sIAAAAAAAAAOMIfcRoxS3w8sc9YSnDSWtOXmPU5uINKMrPK81LzkwsyczPExLhYglJLcoV4pHi4uJIzs_Jz8ssLrFiUWJKzeNZxCqZkV-uUJKvUADUkw_UlKoAUwIAhhjS8VsAAAA&pron_lang=en&pron_country=us&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjI9-mq4LX8AhV9k4kEHRd0A1oQ3eEDegQICRAK)*noun*
1. a settler in or inhabitant of a colony.
PresidentRex: It's a joke about how colonist starts with colon and is reminiscent of other doctor specializations that end in -ist. (Like gastroenterologist, which is one of the specializations that does work with colons. Sort of like a body editor.)
\#RuiningJokesByExplainingThem
NostradaMart: except the ass specialist is a proctologist,so your joke didn't make sense ;)
PresidentRex: It's not my joke, I'm just explaining the attempted joke.
-g-man_: Jesus Christ, obviously I didn't think it was a doctor or a gay man.
I just wanted to let him know that colonist was the wrong word to use, but to do it jokingly. I won't bother next time lol
Also well done for knowing what a proctologist is. I already named the type of doctor who would do a colonoscopy so Im not sure why you keep saying that
PresidentRex: I feel like that's obvious, but it is reddit. That's also why I explained it instead of just typing "whoosh" or the like for the person providing a dictionary definition for colonist.
I hereby formally recognize your pun utilization of the word colon and provide this fully accredited certificate on behalf of the British Dramamine League.
-g-man_: Sorry, I shouldn't have said anything lol I was just annoyed my joke didn't land.
| 11 | 208.181818 |
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1673098067 | 1673112633 | t3_105p0wm | t5_2to41 | 8 | TakingItOffHereBoss: TIFU by Prepping My Home for Extreme Cold Weather
This happened over Christmas, but I'm just now finding the time to tell it. The Friday before Christmas was the start of quickly falling temperatures that would get us below freezing by mid-day, and continue to drop to just above 0 Farenheit where it would stay the rest of the weekend.
This is only our second winter in the house, so we haven't had this extreme cold to deal with, but it's such a better house than our old one that I wasn't really too concerned. But I did read an article about some easy, common-sense ways to protect against frozen pipes, one of which is to shut off the supply to your outside faucets. We have a split-level, so that's easy enough; I found the backyard shutoff pretty quick, but wasn't entirely sure about the front yard.
I did a quick think (from inside the house) about where the front yard faucet should be and looked under the crawl space area under the steps, and sure enough, there's a cutoff. I crawled under there, turned it off, and went about the day.
Several hours later it's in the 20s outside, but we're snug and warm and go upstairs to have dinner. After eating I went to rinse off the plates and saw that our water pressure was down to a trickle. It would start fine if the water was off for a few seconds, but would slow down considerably, and stay at a steady rate.
The wife asked first off if I was sure I'd cut off the right valves, and I said "What do I look like, and idiot? Of course I shut off the right valves. If I'd shut off the main by accident, we wouldn't have any water at all." A quick check showed that the issue was on both hot and cold, and all through the house.
I hoped that it was just a small freeze in the main line outside the house, so turned one faucet on to a drip so that it wouldn't freeze any further, and maybe it would clear up whatever was blocking the water from coming in. By the next morning (Saturday) there was no change, so I called the water department so they could check their lines coming to my house. They did look but couldn't find any problems, but also told me there isn't any sign of a water break in my lines, so we had that going for us.
The slow trickle of water was, fortunately, enough that I could wash dishes and we could take showers, although the slow dribble made it take longer than usual. As Christmas weekend disasters go, ours was mild and really more of an annoyance than anything.
Fast-forward to Monday after Christmas and there's still no change. By the afternoon, the wife is insisting that I call a plumber and I agreed but first I wanted to try one more thing. I wanted to cut off the main water supply then open it back up, hoping the back wash would clear whatever was the problem. The wife asked if I was sure I knew where the main water line is, and I showed her the pipes with the shutoff valves; one coming into the house and then branching off to the shower on the other side of the wall, etc. Well, I couldn't exactly map it out, but the one coming from the outside was definitely the main line.
I shut that valve off and told her to turn the water on in the bathroom to run out the lines, and she did. Except the water never ran out. Even several minutes later the water kept running, which just didn't make sense!
It was then I realized that what I thought was the main line was actually above ground level, which definitely doesn't make sense. And the valve I'd shut off Friday was definitely below ground...
Oh, no. <i>face palm</i>
I told the wife to hand on, and crawled back under the stairs. As soon as I opened the valve under there, the water came back on full force. The wife yelled from the bathroom "Are you fucking kidding me?!"
When I came back out from under the steps, looking kind of sheepish, she said "You know, you don't <i>look</i> like an idiot, but I'm starting to have my doubts!" (All in good natured fun, of course.) She did eventually agree that she would stop giving me shit about it after New Years Eve, and so far she's kept to that promise.
TL/DR: shut off outside water valves prior to a major cold snap, accidentally turned off the main water, but only partially, so I didn't know I'd cut off the main valve until three days later.
tardersos: >extreme cold
>just above 0
Damn you southerners are funny
Squigglepig52: I know, right? That's like, parka and shorts level.
TakingItOffHereBoss: It still freezes water, here in the South anyway.
Squigglepig52: Does here, too.
Seriously, though, here in Canada, there are psychos wearing shorts with parkas in weather that I wear 3 layers for.
| 5 | 1.6 |
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1673099830 | 1673109127 | t3_105plv9 | t5_2to41 | 605 | [deleted]: TIFU by hiding in my boyfriend's house at midnight, all balled up on the floor, in the dark. His mum accidentally discovered me and was not pleased.
[deleted]
givemeapuppers: Omgggg I can absolutely see me doing something like this! I really can. I get it so hard. Hopefully she don’t think too hard into it 😅 I know its hard but I really do suggest trying to find like one single topic with either of his parents you can talk about, even if its not a lot, something so you feel a little more comfy & less likely to panic there/around them & do…whatever this is that people like us do, my exhusbands mom found me in the game room, about the same logic you had here. 🙃🤣 I still cringe on it but she never brought it up again so… I hope that happens in your case too!
ThowRA_FloorGremlin: Ooof, I'm glad someone else gets it! I wasn't sure how abnormal my behaviour was, but at least one other person can relate haha.
Definitely hope she doesn't bring it up again! But if she does... then I guess it's a story we have in common and can talk about 😭 Hopefully I can think of something better to talk about with his parents, like you suggest! Lol
someawfulbitch: There are people who can relate (👋🏻 hi, I laughed my ass off reading because I would have done the same at one point), but it's still *highly* abnormal to feel this scared of being caught doing a normal thing like going to the bathroom.
If you look at it objectively, which would you be less embarrassed about now - if she had come upon you in the bathroom or on your way out of it, or the way she did?
ThowRA_FloorGremlin: You're right! I guess I've realised that I'm a bit more anxious and awkward than normal, but I didn't realise how bad it was! I kinda thought it was a standard phase you grew out of lol.
Maybe I'll discuss it with my boyfriend and perhaps someone more professional if it seems reasonable. I appreciate your insight :)
someawfulbitch: Don't feel too bad about it though, there's most likely something that got you to this point, I know there definitely was for me, it's not like we're just born like this!
Recognizing that it's not normal is step 1.
Being able to laugh about it is a big step too, honestly!
If you can find the courage to go up to your bfs mom and apologize in the daylight, it will probably be a big step for her perception of you. You don't necessarily have to explain what was really going on, just "sorry again for scaring the bejesus out of you last night" shows a bit of moxy and that you care.
| 6 | 100.833333 |
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1673099651 | 1673177422 | t3_105pjl0 | t5_2to41 | 4 | Artistic_Pin_8326: TIFU by flooding the kitchen
So since December my brother and I have had the house to ourselves and things have been smooth sailing until today. So my brother and I decided to do the laundry (our washing machine is in our kitchen hence the title, also remember this) so we start with the first batch nothing wrong happens, wash, rinse, spin,air dry and the bucket that's under the tap that's supplying the washing machine with water is empty.
We go back to our respective activities and I continue to play Skyrim and end up getting immersed in the game( here's the tifu) I end up hearing a somewhat sizzling noise so I think maybe my brother's cooking, lemme go check as soon as I enter the dining room my feet are immediately soaked in water along with the floor the back of a plug( thank god!) And the dining room carpet I let out an astonished "Holy Shit!" Before carefully sprinting to the sink to unclog the drain and yell for help from my brother who was outside who then came in and also yelled "Holy Shit!"
At this point the universe was not on our side because the pipe that drains the water falls out of the sink and continues to fill the floor with water, I picked it up and put it back but the fucking stubborn ass pipe keeps falling and finally I put it back and get some dirty towels and a mop and we start wiping the water away as we're wiping we both joke that if our mom was here and saw this she would lose her shit and I joke and say what she would say for the whole day:
M: "How could you two let this happen?!"
Us: "....Idk we're sorry"
M: "Ik how, it's because you two are too busy playing games!"
*Says this whilst we're wiping the mess we made*
*Later on in the day*
Me: "Ma can I make a sandwich for myself"
Mom:"No, you're just gonna flood the kitchen again"
After finishing we declare that this is the one story that my mom doesn't need to hear
TL:DR
My brother and I foolishly got distracted whilst doing laundry so much so that the kitchen got flooded
Fantastic_Dark_3724: It sounds like you and your brother had quite the mishap while doing the laundry! It's understandable that you got immersed in your game and didn't notice the water filling up in the kitchen, but it's important to pay attention to what you're doing, especially when it involves appliances and water. It's a good idea to make sure the drain is clear and working properly before starting the wash, and to check on the laundry regularly to ensure everything is going smoothly. It's also a good idea to have some towels on hand in case of any spills or leaks. I'm glad you were able to clean up the mess and that no one was hurt. It's always a good idea to take precautions to prevent accidents like this from happening in the future.
Artistic_Pin_8326: Noted💀
| 3 | 1.333333 |
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1673099578 | 1673141620 | t3_105pipn | t5_2to41 | 33 | BitCrack: TIFU by waking up a family with a bloody eye
TIFU by smashing my face near a pregnant woman.
I just moved to a new city. The only friends I have here are a half month away from having their first child.
Some friends of theirs and myself showed up tonight for a "before your life isn't yours anymore" party.
Everything went great! Until I fell asleep.
I had a fucked up dream and jumped out of bed half awake, like I really jumped. I hit the laminate flooring with my socks, slipped out and smashed my face right on the corner of the bed.
I'm now holding a damp towel to my bloody eye socket. I'm 99% sure I'll have a black eye in the am... Ughh
Oh and I woke up everyone in the house when I crushed my socket.. fun!
I feel pretty stupid right now
A robot informed me that I need 750 characters to post here
So..."it was a dark and stormy night. From what little information I had gathered, I knew it was going to be a rough night..."
TL;DR. I woke up an entire house of people by slipping, falling and catching myself by the eye socket
Cogen_: U good OP? Like, physically?
Or am I weird for caring??
BitCrack: Hey thanks, I do have a black eye , not too bad. And a sore nose. But I just ate a KFC burger and a taco so life's looking uhh. Well nevermind the food, I'm good lol
Thank you. I'm gonna drink water and play video games .
It's not weird, I appreciate you took the time.
Cogen_: Yeah, look out for yourself, enjoy your food and have a nice time playing!
BitCrack: https://imgur.com/a/naHXeD9
My eye
| 5 | 6.6 |
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1673105226 | 1673106850 | t3_105rlmd | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU I join a gang and now I regret it.
[deleted]
PM_ME_A_PLANE_TICKET: this dude puts "TL:DR" at the end 😂😂😂
my friend. TL;DR stands for "too long; didn't read"
You're supposed to put a quick summary there.
l________1: Sorry I'm new here hahaha, because moderator told me so 😅😂
| 3 | 1.666667 |
|
1674869010 | 1674869695 | t3_10n29on | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by drinking coffee that's been expired for 2 months (vomit mentions, sorry)
[deleted]
Grammasweets: Vomit and keep partying dude 😎
greatgoomoo: Good ol' puke n rally
| 3 | 3.333333 |
|
1673095383 | 1673111679 | t3_105o700 | t5_2to41 | 18 | tri-trii: TIFU by not saying come in
[removed]
Setthegodofchaos: I couldn't help but laugh at this. Sorry op.
tri-trii: It’s okay I laugh now but was mortified at the time 🤣 You might laugh more (or cry) when you hear he didn’t leave the room he stood and had a full conversation with my partner and *then* left the room 😳
Setthegodofchaos: That's even *worse*! 🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭
| 4 | 4.5 |
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1674869591 | 1674870935 | t3_10n2hgz | t5_2to41 | 11 | Jonny-Marx: Tifu by complaining about my classmates around my dad
[removed]
AcrobaticSource3: But what is the answer? Also, maybe she is pretending to need help to get you in her dorm on a Friday night
Jonny-Marx: Yes.
And it is admittedly hard to believe anyone is struggling this much with submitting a pdf. But she also says she doesn’t read the text book so maybe she’s just like that? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
| 3 | 3.666667 |
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1673111004 | 1673112997 | t3_105tuqr | t5_2to41 | 88 | International_Cap_83: TIFU by playing clashe royale while my gf gave me a blowjob.
Near the beginning of our relationship, my girlfriend was very insecure about how she looked while giving head so she would insist on having her head under the sheets where I couldn’t see her. One time, I decided it would be funny to play clash Royale while she did so. It wasn’t because the blowjob didn’t feel good - quite the opposite, actually. Anyways, I played a round, won, and came. I chose not to tell her at the time because I didn’t want her to think that I was doing it because I was bored, but today I told her about it because it's been a almost a year since the "incident" and I thought that she would find it funny. Well, she didnt. She blew up at me and told me that she was never going to feel comfortable giving me a blowjob again because she is always going to think I'm bored during them. She then proceeded to leave the house and I haven't seen or heard from her since.
TL;DR I played clash royale while my gf gave me a blowjob because I thought it would be funny and it's safe to say my gf did NOT find it funny.
nicebroski: You gonna need to tell she was so good you needed something to distract you from nutting too quickly
runy977: 4d chess
| 3 | 29.333333 |
|
1674870578 | 1674880587 | t3_10n2u7v | t5_2to41 | 4 | haylieb_artist: tifu by texting my brother
I (f18 as of jan 28th) have 4 siblings, though im only close with one. 2 of my siblings, "a" (21f) who we tolerate but i hate) and "k" (23m i avoid at all costs), i despise being around. the other one, "z" (19m) we never see but talk to sometimes. Last time I've spoken to him was his birthday.
For some backstory, "z" has a long list of issues mentally and has always been one to throw a tantrum if they don't get their way. Growing up with us being the youngest of the 5, we were close. We have had a lot of issues, but ultimately he has stopped me from doing irreparable things that i am grateful for him. Well, we moved about 5 years ago after kicking "k" out for stress related issues that started my mom's heart issues. She was told that even though she was only mid 30s, extreme stressors can cause heart failure for her, even with her pacemaker.
Well, a year into the new place and "z" had caused issues. I had to jump on the counters because he threared to spray cleaning solution down my throat, my mother had to tackle him because he was being dangerous towards us, and he was just constantly in trouble. Well, my mom went to the doctor and she listed off days that her heart beat flared to scary numbers. We talked with "z" about how those were the days that he caused issues.
Well, a few days later he was picked up about 10 miles from home and sent to the police station. He had a psych evaluation and was taken by the state because he said he was scared to go home. In the end, he decided he want to move to his father's sister's house.
We call and talk to him, my mom keeping contact mostly and me and him would play games on occassion and mainly send memes. That was until July. He stopped texting but tbh i didn't notice since i never go on Instagram anymore.
Well, my mom called him and texted him on Christmas. He never replied. Her birthday is Dec. 30. No text. So, since i turn 18 tomorrow, i texted him a belated merry Christmas. He replied and i told him how mom texted.
He started saying she abandoned him and how he didn't have any family and to not cantact him or his aunt since he's "a man and i do what i gotta do". I told him to not talk shit on his mother when she feels like a failure since he refuses to talk to her.
Hell. He talks to his dead beat dad that beat him more than his mother who legit almost KILLED HERSELF trying to take care of him.
Well, long story short he blocked me after i told him we have a place for him to go if he needs one and a job at the family company
Hes a piece of shit but im sitting here crying bc i know how this is going to break my mom's heart
Tldr: my brother blocked me for god knows why
NeedsWit: Everybody sucks in this story. Given the number of missing missing reasons there's a fair chance that OP sucks more than others.
haylieb_artist: What do you wanna know?
NeedsWit: Stuff like this doesn't apparition out of nowhere, your family has 20+ years of history before that. Not that I would want or need to know, that's just a a few holes in this emmentaler cheese of a story.
haylieb_artist: I mean my brother has an abusive dad he decided to live with when he left, "k" broke a broom over his dad's head for beating "z" and told me they hated being there, yet he chose to stay there. My parents are adamant that they will have room for the kids no matter what and he blocked me after i said that. There is a lot of little stuff i left out, but ask anything if you wanna know more
| 5 | 0.8 |
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1673117439 | 1673133340 | t3_105wfvd | t5_2to41 | 33 | the_golden_b: TIFU by outing an employee that gave me a free desert w/o realizing it
So I went to this takeout called Amir. It Arabian. I’m a regular and I always order the same thing. This employee works there often so he alr knows what I usually take. He’s always talking smack but in a fun teasing way, telling how I always come here for the same shit and we just laugh it off.
He then decided out of the blue to give me a free desert called “backlava”. I told him that he forgot to charge me the desert. He said “do u rlly think I forgot? Or did I do on purpose?” I was clearly being clueless so he just said to just but the damn food. I bought it and then I said “thanks for the free desert”. I sometimes talk loud w/o noticing and his bosses were pretty close to where we were . I saw his split second reaction looking the other way and he said “your welcome” frantically. It’s only when I stepped out of the store that I realize what I’ve just done. I’m very embarrassed abt this and hope the guy didn’t get in trouble.
TL;DR : I accidentally outed an employee that gave me a free desert.
AcrobaticSource3: I thought that you somehow revealed he was gay (dangerous in some Arabian countries), but thankfully he probably only lost his job
the_golden_b: I hope not. He’s a cool dude.
| 3 | 11 |
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1674872878 | 1674926834 | t3_10n3ogu | t5_2to41 | 1,430 | Eldautor: TIFU by punching a guy in the penis
This all happened back in early high-school. For context, I (20F) didn’t grow up as someone who watched porn. I actually had my first kiss when I was fifteen, and that was the extent of my sexual experimentation. It took years for me to get the courage to touch a man over his jeans, let alone below the belt.
When I was sixteen, I had my first real boyfriend. Like teenagers do, we’d get a little handsy, and I let him guide me with intimacy. He was my only source of info for what guys liked, so when he instructed me how to give a handjob, I believed him. We dated for two months, and I became a firm believer that I’d perfected the art of a good ole handy. Still hadn’t watched porn or consulted anyone other than him.
After we broke up, I opened myself up to the idea of talking to other people. Lo and behold, I meet Zeke. (Yes, that’s a fake name.) He was also a bit nerdy and I found him pretty hot, so when I finally got the nerve up to ask him to hang out, I was super excited. One thing led to another and we were making out on his bed. We went to a boarding school, so we only had fifteen minutes allotted for visiting his dorm room. The make out sesh would be fast, but I was confident he’d remember it.
And he did! But for reasons I didn’t anticipate.
Zeke asked me to touch him, so I pulled off his belt and put my hand below his underwear. Then, staring at him confidently in the eyes, I started grinding my knuckles into the tip of his penis. Think of a mortar and pestle. I was putting my whole weight into my knuckles over and over again, basically punching his penis, while not-so-sexily saying, “Oh yeah? You like that?”
Poor dude looked totally shell shocked. He didn’t react at all until the timer was almost up and I proudly pulled my hand out of his pants. I asked him what he thought, prepared to have blown this guy’s mind, but all he could stammer out was, “That… was like a deep tissue massage.”
He didn’t hit me up again, and when I told my friends about the encounter, I was quickly told that men don’t like it when you punch their penis. My first boyfriend must have just been into some weird shit. My friends called me a “Deep Tissue Masseuse” for the next few years, and I still cringe at the memory of Zeke’s horrified, frozen face.
So, yeah. Sorry, Zeke. My bad.
TLDR; As a sheltered inexperienced teenager, I tried giving a guy I handjob, but I believed it was grinding your knuckles into the tip of a guy’s penis. He put up with it, probably because he was so shocked, but I definitely ruined my chances for a second date.
EDIT: Just wanna clarify that I felt like a “late bloomer” because a lot of teens around me bragged about sexual escapades that I couldn’t relate to. When I say that it took me years to touch a man below the belt, I just felt like I was behind, especially because I’d had mutual attraction with people and was adamant that I wouldn’t kiss them, let alone get handsy. It’s all perspective lol
FLTDI: > I actually had my first kiss when I was fifteen, and that was the extent of my sexual experimentation. It took years for me to get the courage to touch a man over his jeans, let alone below the belt.
>When I was sixteen, I had my first real boyfriend. Like teenagers do, we’d get a little handsy, and I let him guide me with intimacy. He was my only source of info for what guys liked, so when he instructed me how to give a handjob, I believed him.
First kiss as 15
Took me years to touch a guy below the belt
1 year later giving ~~hand~~ fist jobs
Checks math......
Eldautor: First kiss at fifteen, but I’d been in brief relationships since middle school lol. Didn’t super explain the timeline well, but the moral of the story is that I wasn’t experienced, was hesitant towards intimacy, and took my time getting to a place of confidence sexually. Hope that clears up my timeline a bit.
Zarerion: Usually when people say stuff like this they experience their first intimacy in their 20s at the earliest, not at 16, which is probably not uncommon at all for “first experiences”, and I would argue it’s still a bit early.
Eldautor: You’re totally right. My explanation contained a lot of insecurity because of high-school pressure, so while I felt behind, I was on a level playing field with most teens exploring their sexuality. My bad lol
bighunter1313: Damn. What high school did you go to where kids were sexually active that young?
Eldautor: An arts boarding school. I think that answers the question haha
bighunter1313: Yes, it does.
| 8 | 178.75 |
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1673119681 | 1673121460 | t3_105xbt5 | t5_2to41 | 4 | Homeskillet359: TIFU by using g my wife's toothbrush
tifu by using my wife's toothbrush
My wife and I keep our toothbrushes in our small bathroom, whe the kids keep theirs in the main bath. In the small bath, there us a large medicine cabinet, the kind that is three mirrors for doors. My toothbrush is on the left side with my shaving kit. Her toothbrush is in the middle door with the toothpaste. I went to brush one night before bed, and as something I've done thousands of times, I wasn't paying a ton of attention and don't remember much. I remember grabbing the toothpaste. I remember thinking that the toothbrush felt different. I remember opening the door to put the toothbrush away, only to realize my toothbrush was already in the cabinet. I yanked open the center door and looked in horror as I realized that my wife's toothbrush was in my hand.
I know it shouldn't be a big deal when its no big deal to kiss, but still, its just gross to me and I wanted to throw up.
Tl:dr I wasn't paying attention and used my wife's toothbrush instead of mine. Yuck.
Arunia: You probably have done worse and grosser things of you think about it.
But enjoyed it more then this.
Dont worry, buy a new brush for her or tell her and get on with your life.
Homeskillet359: That came to mind, and I thought about mentioning it, but decided to keep it g rated.
| 3 | 1.333333 |
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1673121350 | 1673122374 | t3_105y04t | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by giving an ultimatum I shouldn't have
[deleted]
That-Pollution-6126: OP you have a problem, not only did you do this because even though you and your husband have a lot of fun and good times together, you did this because there was a "lack of passion", either you left out crucial details about your relationship or you don't realize that you and your husband do still have passion, you just don't see it as passion
Fuckmylifeyeah: It was summarized, so yeah quite a few things were left out. We were on the verge of divorce like 3 or 4 months ago, shit just calmed down a bit.
| 3 | 1.333333 |
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1673119592 | 1673124193 | t3_105xakh | t5_2to41 | 22 | PM-ME-RED-HAIR: TIFU by sending a message meant for my friend to my boss
I've been feeling really stressed out at work lately. My boss has been micromanaging every little detail of my projects and setting unrealistic deadlines, which has been causing me a lot of anxiety. To make matters worse, they've been ignoring my suggestions and input, even though I have years of experience in my field. I've been feeling like my work and efforts are unappreciated, and it's been really demoralizing. So, when a friend asked me how work was going, I let it all out and vented to them about my frustrations. I told them about all of the ways that my boss has been driving me crazy and how demotivating it has been to feel like my contributions aren't valued.
In the heat of the moment, I let my emotions get the best of me and composed a long message filled with complaints and insults about my boss. I ranted about all of the ways that they had been frustrating and demotivating me, and I didn't hold back. I was really letting off steam and didn't think about the consequences of my words. I was just relieved to have someone to vent to who would understand and support me.
But when I went to send the message, I made a crucial mistake. Instead of selecting my friend's name from the dropdown list of recipients, I accidentally selected my boss's name. I didn't even realize what I had done until I hit send and saw the message pop up in my sent folder. My heart skipped a beat as the reality of my mistake dawned on me.
As soon as I realized what I had done, my heart sank. I couldn't believe that I had just sent a message filled with insults and complaints about my boss directly to my boss. I immediately panicked and tried to come up with a way to explain the situation and salvage the situation.
I knew that I needed to apologize and take responsibility for my mistake, but I was also worried about how my boss would react. I had a feeling that they wouldn't be too pleased with me.
I took a deep breath and composed a follow-up message apologizing for the mistake and explaining the context. I emphasized that the message was not meant for them and that it was just a venting session with a friend. I apologized for any offense or disrespect that my words may have caused, and I assured them that I had the utmost respect for their leadership and guidance.
I hit send and waited anxiously for a response. I couldn't believe that I had just made such a stupid and embarrassing mistake.
To my surprise, my boss responded relatively quickly and didn't seem too upset. They thanked me for the apology and assured me that they understood the context and weren't offended. They even suggested that we set up a meeting to discuss my concerns and how we could work together to improve our working relationship.
I was relieved and grateful that they were willing to be understanding and professional about the situation. I couldn't believe that I had just had such a mortifying mishap and yet managed to come out of it relatively unscathed.
We set up a meeting for the following day and had a productive conversation about my concerns and how we could work together more effectively. My boss was open to feedback and suggestions, and we were able to come up with some concrete strategies to address my frustrations.
I left the meeting feeling much more positive about our working relationship and relieved that I had been able to turn things around after my TIFU moment.
TL;DR:
I had a conversation with a friend where I vented about my boss and composed a message filled with complaints and insults. But I accidentally sent the message to my boss instead of my friend. I apologized and we had a productive conversation about how to improve our working relationship. Despite the embarrassing mistake, things ended up okay
TropicalSunflowers: That's rough! Work really shouldn't cause so much stress but it seems to go that way all too often. If they really are willing to try then it sounds like it could be a blessing in disguise, but just try not to overthink it too much.
I hope things start to get better soon :)
PM-ME-RED-HAIR: Thank you for your understanding and kind words! You're right, work can be a major source of stress and it's frustrating when it feels like you're not being appreciated or your efforts are going to waste. But I'm trying to stay positive and see this situation as an opportunity for growth and improvement.
I'm glad that my boss was willing to listen and have a productive conversation about my concerns. I'm hopeful that things will start to get better and that we can find ways to work more effectively together.
Thanks for the encouragement and support! It really means a lot.
| 3 | 7.333333 |
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1673123472 | 1673131468 | t3_105yu6b | t5_2to41 | 20 | SupremeZsolt: TIFU by downloading a VPN
I wanted a vpn on my browser. So I casually went up into the extensions tab for the browser and started looking for free vpns. I had found a vpn and decided to try it, I used it and it didn’t seem to do much but however I left the extension.
A month passes and I start seeing random videos I never watched come up into my YouTube feed by the ton. After some research I thought it was just a YouTube bug as other people were experiencing the same issue and just kept removing my watch history.
After some more time passes I had gotten a new pc and when signing in the browser all my extensions also downloaded onto the browser. I kept experiencing the same issue although this time I got an email about my AdSense account being suspended for suspicious activity. I go to check this out and find that there are two campaigns made that were advertised for a short period costing £0.18p. I have never used AdSense before so now this became worrying as it could be a security breach of my account.
I change my passwords for my Google accounts and enabled 2fa on them. However, I still kept getting emails about suspicious activity on my AdSense. So I do a virus scan and find nothing.
Then a thought came to me. As this was only an issue when my browser was open to just remove all my unwanted extensions (about 1-2). Nothing had worked as I would still get random YouTube videos until I had gotten to the free vpn. I had removed the vpn from my browser then it all stopped. The random videos, the suspicious activity on my Google account, everything.
It was too unfortunate I didn’t take note to what vpn it was to report the extension but I will now be more careful about downloading free vpns and browser extensions.
TL;DR I downloaded a free vpn and it was malware
speculatrix: Could it have been Hola Browser extension VPN?
SupremeZsolt: I don’t really know :( I’m using edge and it was an unbranded free vpn in extensions
cliffordc5: Oh god. You’re using MS Edge? Ffs man 🤦♂️ get Firefox or some browser that actually kinda cares about privacy (hint: not Chrome or Opera). Jfc
caskey: Chrome cares about privacy.
cliffordc5: It’s hard for me to trust google
caskey: I understand. It can be creepy.
| 7 | 2.857143 |
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1674874401 | 1674941086 | t3_10n473g | t5_2to41 | 21 | GameLion444: TIFU by being too open with a customer
So, this is nothing big, but today i was working a full shift at the sushi joint i work at. Nearing the end of the day, around 8:30, a couple came in and when i said “You can sit wherever you’d like” the man looked at the chair i was sitting in behind the desk and said “looks comfy.” I didn’t get the joke that he wanted my chair however and was just confused as to what he was trying to say, and when he realized he apologized and said it had been a long day. Now, they go to their table and i go get them their menus, and when i bring it to them i thought back on him saying how he had a long day and i said “i guess that joke probably didn’t land cuz i had a really long day too” which i REALIZE is weird coming from your waiter but i was just out of it. and he replies with, “oh well thanks for being so open with us” and believe me that was a painful table to wait for the next hour.
TL;DR: I tried to make small talk with a customer that came off really awkward and made the rest of my shift quite embarrassing
BoringCrow3742: who needs an hour to eat raw fish and rice?
thats like a twenty minute meal max to consume.
3 days on the shitter after if they arent good at prepping their raw fish hehehe
GameLion444: people will get rolls and we do hibachi as well. and sit and chat for a very long time
| 3 | 7 |
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1673126034 | 1673181316 | t3_105zv0h | t5_2to41 | 848 | ChapmangeDude123: TIFU by shoving a sponge champagne cork up my ass.
(Burner account on this one). Today I fucked up by shoving a champagne cork up my ass.
I'm 18M and so basicly, I was feeling spicy. (for those of you who don't know what that is, it's being horny.)
It recently came to my attention that massaging your prostate could get you a better and bigger orgasm. There are no "toys" in my house, and the only thing I have left from New Year's is a champagne cork. I just plugged it in because it looked like a makeshift buttplug.
As soon as I put the cork in, I decided the thin part of the cork should stick out and the thick part would be inserted. It went far into my ass as I unintentionally pushed it. (like I could feel it probobly being about 10-12 cm inside). I didn't think of it further and decided to do the deed and deal with it later. I finished of feeling pleased and satisfied of my newly explored results and I suddenly remember that the cork was still up in me and i was kinda puzzled of how i was going to take it saftely out.
I went down to the downstairs bathroom and started pushing like i was going to shit. Nothing happened. A slight panic started to come over me. Imagine what I would explain to the ER nurses. "Ah hello, I shoved a champagne cork up my ass and now I can't get it out.". I started doing squats while i was pushing and about 3 minutes later i felt the cork plop out. I felt relived. Took the cork out of the toilet (with rubber gloves on of course), and threw it in the trashcan.
I walked up to my room with the proud notion that I would skip a trip to the emergency room.
Don't do the same, Im warning you this from my experience.
TL;DR: Using a champagne cork as a makeshift buttplug could lead to getting stuck in your ass.
PBNJ1982: Well, cheers 🥂 to getting it off 💦, and getting it out 🍾 without the help of the ER! 🚨 I'll drink to that! Happy New Year buddy!
ChapmangeDude123: THANKS! Happy new year to you too.
PBNJ1982: Thanks buddy! BTW- Try something a little longer and vibrates! It'll take you to the next level! 🚀👨🚀 It's even better with an extra set of hands! 🤘
ChapmangeDude123: Ty! 💗
PBNJ1982: Curious & Bubbly Question- What was the brand of champagne you had the pleasures of enjoying? 🤪🥂
ChapmangeDude123: IM DYING- IT WAS LIKE AN OFFBRAND SWEET & BITTER CHAMPANGE.
I don't reccomend you trying to shove a champange cork up your ass. Or you will end up like I did or potentially in a hospital.
PBNJ1982: Oh, don't worry, I won't do that. have better things that will do the job! 😂 I was just curious. So it was a sweet and bitter experience! 😝🥂
ChapmangeDude123: Yawp! Defenently wouldn't do it again. A taste test experience you only do once in your life.
PBNJ1982: 😭 OMG, that's hilarious! It's an acquired taste, I suppose... Honestly, I was a little surprised you went with the top side in first! Very ambitious of you! 😋
ChapmangeDude123: Yes yes, testing the limits. "Explore, Experience, Then Push Beyond." Btw, I saw your photos on reddit and you are good looking. Making me push another champange cork ahahahahahah. 🤪
PBNJ1982: Haha thank you! Lol Gotta love champagne! 🍾💦
| 12 | 70.666667 |
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1674876329 | 1674925464 | t3_10n4uh0 | t5_2to41 | 55 | carmardoll: TIFU by maybe ruining my chances of adopting a cat at humane society.
I recently lost my dog (about a month a go) he was quiet old, 16 yo, so it hurt but it didn't hurt the longest it has hurt.
I wanted to apply to the humane society, to adopt a cat. I had a cat before my dog who I loved a lot. and now I want another.
Currently I have a leopard gecko... I included that in my adopting application, but not in the part where it says do you have other animals because the next question is about if they are spayed, and you don't spay a leopard gecko.
I also included details about how my pets lived and died in the end. How my previous cat only made it to 5 years because her lung filled up with liquid and the vet recommended we put her to sleep.
It has been 4 days and it says they answer in 72 hours, I wish I had not been so honest. Why did I wrote so much?! I might be panicking but they should have least let me know I was rejected.
I just want another friend I can play with and love. Some little furry creature I can take care for.
&#x200B;
TL;DR I was too honest in my application and it might have gotten me rejected from the humane society.
Fun-Pea-880: There are more ways to get a dog than the humane society.
carmardoll: Cat, and Im open to suggestions
Fun-Pea-880: Most pet chains have some adoption system, but not always the greatest pets. The best pets you can find are through friends or signing up for a waiting list for a bred cat that you like.
carmardoll: Trust me I'm not picky for pets, I once had a cockroach in a jar as a pet under my bed as a kid. My mom almost fainted when she found it.
I just want a friendly cat, an animal you can look at and say "yes that is a cat" and there that's it.
gnarly_weedman: Put one of those kitty ear headbands on your dog, should do the trick if you take your glasses off
Sideways-Pumpkin: They just said their dog died a month ago. It’s the first line in the post.
Usof1985: They probably just read the tl;dr
| 8 | 6.875 |
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1674876305 | 1674904804 | t3_10n4u72 | t5_2to41 | 20 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting rid of my period cramps
[deleted]
RudeSprinkles1240: A couple of ibuprofen would work better. What you took is actually more of a headache remedy.
[deleted]: Watch the brand with ibuprofen because it contains caffeine as well sometimes.
RudeSprinkles1240: That's why I didn't say "with ibuprofen."
| 4 | 5 |
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1673132222 | 1673172560 | t3_1062c8r | t5_2to41 | 72 | HeadIcyMan: TIFU by leaving a sketchpad on my desk
A few months ago, I started to take drawing lessons - specifically portraiture. I've always loved art but never been good at drawing people/animals (anything alive that can move basically).
I've made some progress but things are still very off in my drawings. My teacher constantly encourages us to be drawing as much as possible. I really took this advice seriously and for ages now, I've been carrying around some pencils and a sketchpad and drawing people whenever I have a chance - waiting for a bus, in coffeeshops, at my desk, even at home.
I obviously haven't asked permission of everyone that I've drawn and all of my work just gets put in a drawer when I move on to a new sketchpad - not even my teacher sees most of it.
This is where I mess up. I have been drawing people at work sometimes when I'm on breaks or waiting for someone to get something ready for me.
I was late to work on Friday morning and had a meeting to be at first thing. I just dumped my stuff on my desk and ran in. I was supposed to present a report at this meeting but didn't have it with me. I couldn't leave when I realised this - I had to be there when I was called on. So I asked someone to get it off my desk so that I could talk through the generalities of it before consulting the report for the specifics. They clearly found my sketchpad when they went through my stuff and either left it out and opened or mentioned to someone that I had drawings of staff that I had done. Either way, others in the office saw these.
A lot of people in the office were unhappy with this, with some describing it as creepy. The worst part is that a lot of the drawings aren't very good - so while people are recognizable, they don't look right. Some people were upset at how I'd made them look (one in particular was so upset that she left early).
I'm dreading going back to work on Monday. I'm fully expecting a call from HR.
TL;DR: Left poor drawings of coworkers on my desk. They were found. Colleagues upset. I'm going to be in trouble (probably).
InterZhen: one person had to leave early??? seriously?? i would be floored if someone drew me! as an artist myself, what you did wasn't creepy, its actually good to draw things you see in real life for practice.
HeadIcyMan: Thank you. That was my I thought too (and it's directly advised by my teacher).
Yes, one person left work early and apparently it's because of how upset she was by my drawing of her. She didn't speak to me directly about this. To be blunt, this is an issue with her (her reactions aren't always what I'd consider to be appropriate or proportional) but I'm worried it'll get twisted into an issue with me.
InterZhen: yikes, big yikes. maybe you need to go to HR first? message your manager about it?
raz0rflea: Yeah get on top of it if you can, what a ridiculous thing for someone to be upset about though!
| 5 | 14.4 |
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1673132732 | 1673202280 | t3_1062jwq | t5_2to41 | 12 | Troubled_L3Z: TIFU by wanting buck’s fizz
for context this literally happened today, we’re both at her house and she wanted buck’s fizz and her mum let her (we’re both minors) have 1 bottle and we could share it between us two, my friends mum said to get her brother down to open it. long story short he couldn’t open it and my friend doesn’t even own a corkscrew?? anyway, her brother ends up using a knife and still it barely budged so he just left us to it. i decided to look up on tiktok how to break a glass bottle and it said to put a wire around it and burn it to weaken it so we decided to do none of that and we went out to her garden to crack it open, turns out we needed to do all that and we ended up smashing the entire bottle and i caught it on video which was quite funny. anyway, we both cleaned it up and luckily we didn’t get hurt we just ended up having buck’s fizz spilt everywhere and some bits of glass.
TLDR- friend didn’t have a corkscrew and we couldn’t get into the bottle so we decided to break it and the bottle smashed
PM_ME_FUNFAX: 1) wtf is "Bucks Fizz? 2) Why would you risk glass in it 3) what part of breaking a bottle sounds like a good idea?
The_Lapsed_Pacifist: Mimosa
gin-casual: Mimosa is 2:1 oj to fizz. Buck’s Fizz is 1:2.
PM_ME_FUNFAX: So "fizz" is champagne?
gin-casual: Yeh or Prosecco etc.
| 6 | 2 |
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1673134819 | 1673201785 | t3_1063e4z | t5_2to41 | 568 | timothythepancake: TIFU by getting erotically exposed by airport security in front of my family
This happend today as I flew back from vacation.
So my (21M) girlfriend (21F) went on holiday with my family for 1 week. The weeks before this holiday we were talking about spicing up some things in the bedroom by adding some toys to the collection. Even though we talked about it, we didn't het around to purchasing any at the time.
Fast forward to the holiday where we stumbled upon a little shop that sold some very sexy shackles (we had wanted handcuffs for a while), we both chuckled and said lets go.
Que to today, where the gods have forsaken my soul. I was packing my bag and wanted to take the new Loot to my home base, thinking i could just put them in my small luggage (we only had carry on luggage)
and it wouldn't be a big deal.
WELL APPERANTLY, these sexy shackles are seen by security as a SERIOUS threat to mankind and so they took my bag appart after the scan.
Mind you that my family is right beside me as i see the security rummaging through my luggage. Both me and my girlfriend know whats up and can only brace for impact.
The security unveiled our toy of shame proudly to the whole que and my family as my girlfriend turns bright red and my brother smiles the smile of a thousand Suns.
They took the cuffs away and after some awkward laughter and jokes, things were ok but i can still feel some emberassment haha.
TL;DR airport security unveiled sexy handcuffs from luggage in front of family, wanted to pull a diglet and disappear lol
Suitable-Pirate-4164: I love your brother. Did you at least get them back?
timothythepancake: No! They took them away :(
Wolf_with_laces: How are airports getting away with this? That's just theft.
QueasyDrummer00: If it's not allowed in that country they're allowed to take it away, just like you can look up what's allowed so you don't bring it.
Wolf_with_laces: i get that, but the whe idea is... off. "This looks dangerous, we need to check.... ok it's fine, go on" is as it should go, not "we think this is dangerous, we need to check.... it's fine, it's ours now"
QueasyDrummer00: The problem is the government usually decides what's allowed and what's prohibited. So, these airport workers are required to follow those guidelines. If they allow something that's prohibited by the rules and the passenger gets stopped at their next destination, the previous security personnel will get in trouble.
I've seen it countless times at the airport. Someone gets stopped and they start yelling about how the last person allowed it. Like jackass, shut your dumbass up. They did you a favor and you threw them under the bus. So basically, selfish people ruin it for other people.
Wolf_with_laces: I'm saying the issue is at the source. The way it is. I'm not talking about people getting pass law or situations like the one you described. I'm saying the whole setup is wrong.
QueasyDrummer00: You can thank the assholes who thought it was a good idea to make political statements with the lives of airlines passengers.
Wolf_with_laces: But i'm sure there is some way, like if you're going on a vacation, they could hold it for you, or even better have it sent back to your adress. Of course these things wouldn't be free, i do grasp the concept that if it would be stored, they'd have a full inventory, and such space would require to be paid for somehow, and delivery is obvious. But that would be a better price to be paid than losing a possibly expensive or precious item.
QueasyDrummer00: Most first world airports offer that. A lot of people don't want to deal with the hassle of storing something or having it shipped to them. Expensive or precious items are rarely taken away. We're talking about kinky handcuffs in this scenario.
Wolf_with_laces: at least something. And i get it, just kinky handcuffs, but it's still something you spend your money on, and kinky toys are not cheap, last time i looked, plus i come from the mindset that the things you buy are valuable and you should look after them and they have worth and stuff. So losing stuff like this just boils my piss.
| 12 | 47.333333 |
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1674876160 | 1674896495 | t3_10n4shw | t5_2to41 | 10 | idkwhatuwantfromme69: TIFU by failing to look
1994 popular music festival. Second night, I'd spent the last two days in an alcohol fuelled daze, drinking any and all available drinks, followed by eating questionable vendor food, and standing in the sun all day. Last band had played, I went back to my tent in the main campsite, and I go into my sleeping bag, and pass out. Maybe an hour later I wake up, with pain in my stomach. It was like a red hot poker to the guts. I pulled my sleeping bag off, grabbed my roll of tp, and tried to remember where the toilet block was, and I wouldn't make it, there was no way. And I only had one set of clothes. There was a wooded area just off the campsite about 50yds away. I ran into the wood, just enough to hide my shame, drop my pants and release a firehose of stinky brown liquid with some more solid chunks included, I've managed to avoid getting it on me for the most part, so I go to wipe and leave, turn round and see that ice sprayed someone's tent with a Bristol 6, like the mess is all over this tent. They must have thought it was clever to put their tent in a little clearing because it would have been quieter. It was not part of the official camping. If it was I'd not have crapped there. It was outside the boundary tape. I do t know if they were there because you'd notice that. I still ran off and went back to bed!
TL;DR went to a summer festival, drank too much, ate bad food, splashed strangers tent
UsedToHaveThisName: 1994 was almost 30 years ago. If this happened last weekend it would be a terrible TIF.
The fact it happened almost 30 years ago makes it worse.
Great. You had the poop squirts on someone’s tent. 30 years ago. I can’t downvote this enough.
BreakfastBiscuit: This is a good story pretty sure you're just a dick
| 3 | 3.333333 |
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1673138885 | 1673488570 | t3_1064zhx | t5_2to41 | 5,507 | [deleted]: TIFU-Went through BF's phone when he was asleep.
Title says it all really.
The first time I did it I discovered he'd been joining gay dating apps, "scrolling through just for the fun of it" apparently.
This time was today. We had a massive fight because recently, after a year of being together it feels like the affection is dying. He has thwarted all my advances, doesn't like to have sex unless we have a shit tonne of foreplay (for him) while I get no attention back, and he hides his face away from my kisses. Hand holding is okay and hugging but not kissing today. He asked why I was crying and I told him because of the above reasons (minus the sexual parts) and he went in a huff, slamming rolling trays and going to sit away from me.
He eventually fell asleep with his back turned to me, a lit smoke in his hand so I was putting everything away safely, putting the blanket on him, when I was putting his phone on charge I noticed a notification from his vpn- a new one I didn't know of (we have the same vpn plan). I went through his search history- I'm so at fault for this but I seen he'd started using a communication app a hell lot more than "just the 'boys' chat". He joined a new group and shared *very* personal details about his identity he hadn't told me- but he'd also joined a sexual RP group, had his DMs open and had single in his bio.
I don't even know what to do. I love him but if I bring this up he'll just get angry at me and ignore me until the problem is "over". I'm just so tired of him being angry, I don't know if I want to make a big deal out of nothing.
TL:DR- Went through bf's phone. BF has been RP'ing and will get angry if I bring it up as I went through his phone.
th6: Uhm your boyfriend is gay, so breakup with him? He also is cheating on you.
[deleted]: According to the group he is pan :/ I had no clue about this beforehand only knew he was bi.
Is online cheating a thing?
mycenae42: Sorry for my ignorance, but what’s the difference between pansexual and bisexual? And how does that make a difference in your relationship?
rozenzwart: Very short: Bisexual is attraction to male and female persons, pansexual is attraction regardless of gender, it's inclusive of non-binary, intersex and other non-cis 'labels' (for lack of a better word).
Does it make a difference to this relationship:
His behaviour is shitty and I don't see how this is a relationship anymore, so not a lot to OP.
But that behaviour doens't come from being pan or gay or bi, he's just a garbage person lying to a partner. Had he been straight, he probably would've lied about not feeling attraction/wanting to be in a relationship anymore as well.
Generally it is very shitty to keep calling someone gay who doesn't identify as gay. So thanks for using the right words and staying respectful, OP, even when you're in a terrible situation. Please know you deserve better than this shitty relationship!
palepuss: That is the wrong definition of bisexuality. There's no solid difference (the difference is personal, and it matters to the one choosing the label).
Anyway, he's not a good partner, and they seem both unhappy in this relationship: this is a good enough reason to end it.
TocTheElder: How is that the wrong definition of bi? Bi means two.
gemmarhian: attraction to people of your own gender, or people of a gender different than your own. which also encompasses nonbinary, intersex etc like pansexual does. whichever label you use is a personal choice, they are essentially the same
TocTheElder: Yeah you're confused, you're just describing pansexuality again. If there was no difference, we wouldn't have two words.
labrat420: Exactly why thesaurus don't exist. We never have two words for one thing.
TocTheElder: These are two very specific things. And we already had one *very* well known one, so why invent a second one if it means exactly the same thing?
labrat420: This isn't a unique situation. Language constantly evolves.
TocTheElder: Yep. And yet bi has meant two for thousands of years.
labrat420: And almond milk has been called such for hundreds of years and people still get upset over it. Again, not unique.
TocTheElder: What the fuck are you even on about? Who's mad about almond milk?
jmarkmark: Dairy farmers. [usatoday.com/story/opinion/2018/12/08/almond-milk-under-attack-dairy-farmers-column/2141212002/](https://usatoday.com/story/opinion/2018/12/08/almond-milk-under-attack-dairy-farmers-column/2141212002/)
TocTheElder: Let me know when dairy farmers are systematically oppressed and othered.
jmarkmark: Why?
| 18 | 305.944444 |
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1673139125 | 1673253511 | t3_10652vx | t5_2to41 | 1,706 | Chindrilla: TIFU by talking to my wife about fisting
My wife and I work from home. My office is in the basement whilst she has a room upstairs for her stuff. We’re close but still feel far enough to text each other.
Yesterday I was having a rough time at work, our toddler had also woken me up 3 times in the night and then again at 5am so I was pretty much over the day. I decided to text my wife, so I said “I just can’t wait to fist tonight. Shall we have a long fisting session?”
I get no reply but sometime later she comes downstairs and goes “You know, I was just in a meeting with my boss and some of our clients. I was doing a demo and sharing my screen. Your message popped up on the screen. Thanks for that”
We have a shared calendar where I know if she’s in a meeting and vice versa, but I forgot about her meeting. To be fair, she could’ve also turned off her notifications for a meeting where she shares her screen, but I digress.
So anyway, some context; we’ve started binging this show “Iron Fist” in the evenings and both of us refer to these binge sessions as “fisting sessions” just for a laugh. Well, she wasn’t laughing today.
**Tl;dr: My desire for a fisting session was revealed to my wife’s professional circle after I messaged her about it.**
Overthinks_Questions: The real mistake is watching Iron Fist
ItsBaconOclock: I came here for this.
Would definitely prefer coworkers thought I was sex fisting than watching Iron Fist.
EmperorHans: They are sex fisting. This is a psyop to convince her coworkers they arent.
ItsBaconOclock: Nah you do a psyop to convince people you're not doing a war crime.
To be clear: Iron Fist = War Crime
laziestbanana: U just contradicted urself
ItsBaconOclock: I don’t believe so.
The original conceit was that the wife was upset when her coworkers saw
> I just can’t wait to fist tonight. Shall we have a long fisting session?
This upset her because she believed that her coworkers now thought that she was engaging in the sexual act known as “fisting”. However, the actual meaning of “fisting” in this context was meant to refer to watching the Netflix show Iron Fist.
When I said
> Would definitely prefer coworkers thought I was sex fisting than watching Iron Fist.
I was arguing that it is preferable to have people that I work with believe that I was engaging in this sexual act, which might be considered lewd, rather than have those same co-workers believe that I was watching the Netflix show Iron Fist.
When u/EmperorHans said
> They are sex fisting. This is a psyop to convince her coworkers they arent.
They were contradicting my point so now the idea would be that it is better that co-workers believe I (or they) are watching the Netflix show Iron Fist, rather than putting their balled up fists inside one another, ostensibly for the purpose of sexual pleasure.
When I replied
> Nah you do a psyop to convince people you're not doing a war crime. To be clear: Iron Fist = War Crime
That reversed it once again to the factually correct idea, which is to say that one’s co-workers will respect a person more if they believe they are getting or giving some hot sex fisting, rather than believing that said people are the sort of disgusting degenerates that willingly watch Iron Fist.
P.S. I know you are. But, what am I?
edit: formatting
laziestbanana: >This upset her because she believed that her coworkers now thought that she was engaging in the sexual act known as “fisting”. However, the actual meaning of “fisting” in this context was meant to refer to watching the Netflix show Iron Fist.
i'm having trouble understanding this part, i don't think you explained it quite thoroughly enough
| 8 | 213.25 |
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1673146892 | 1673191005 | t3_1067w3o | t5_2to41 | 116 | katherin263: TIFU by accidentally throwing away a $500 necklace
I’m a fucking idiot. I realized yesterday that my necklace is missing. I was cleaning my room on Monday and I decided to clean my necklace as well. I can’t remember anything after cleaning my necklace. I can’t remember if after cleaning it I set it down on my dresser, or if put it somewhere in my bathroom or what. I had a trash bag in my room to throw trash/old stuff away in. I think I accidentally put my necklace in that trash bag.
I’m guessing that after I cleaned the necklace I wrapped it in a paper towel and set it aside somewhere so it can dry. Then I forgot about it and later I might’ve picked it up and put it in the trash. The necklace is light weight so I probably wouldn’t have felt it in the paper towel.
This happened on Monday and the trash gets picked up on Thursdays. Im so mad at myself, I had 3 days to possibly save my necklace. I have looked EVERYWHERE to see if maybe I didn’t throw it away and I just put it somewhere, but I can’t find it. So it’s official, I threw away a $500 necklace and even worse the necklace was a gift from my mom. My mom saw that I was looking for something and I confessed to her that I lost the necklace and she just looked so sad and disappointed in me. She saved up to get me that gift. I told her I can pay her back but she said she doesn’t want my money. I should’ve left the necklace alone.
I’m so sad and mad at myself. I hate myself so much right now. I can’t eat or sleep. All I can do is cry and tear apart my room looking for that necklace even though I’m 99% sure that I threw it away.
TL;DR - While cleaning I accidentally threw away a $500 necklace which was a gift from my mom and now I feel sick.
tsoro: Call the trash company, they will give their best effort to find it.
Just don't say its expensive say it's a family heirloom
bludgeonerV: Lmao no they won't.
shoulda-known-better: My dump did.... my kid threw away my last Christmas card from my mother..... I went straight away after trash pickup and met the truck from my area at the dump.... I was fully ready to go at it alone, and was just ecstatic they even let me try to go through it and look!! I was there about 2 min when 5 other trash men came to help me..... we found the bag of wrapping paper and the card (gentleman names Josh found it!!) It still means soo much to me!!
| 4 | 29 |
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1673147554 | 1673152512 | t3_10684o5 | t5_2to41 | 23 | [deleted]: Tifu by arguing with some girls at a party
[removed]
-Chris-V-: Oh .. the event. Nobody is making event suggestions...I'd say at very least a night out at the bar. Does anyone else have thoughts?
_NAMiK_: Jello wrestling at the County fair
-Chris-V-: I love it, but it seems difficult to pull off. There are no fairs in December, assuming this guy is in the northern hemisphere.
If this post is even real I kinda think he needs to do it in the next couple of weeks.
| 4 | 5.75 |
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1674883022 | 1674919234 | t3_10n704e | t5_2to41 | 318 | Uchidachi: TIFU by thinking I was starring in Psycho
So I’m taking a shower whilst home alone, when I suddenly become aware that Someone is in the bathroom with me.
I can’t see out of the shower because of my dark shower curtain and poor eyesight, so I freeze and try to use my other senses to save my skin from what is surely an evil intruder. I debate internally whether I heard the door open or not.
I also debate whether to confront the intruder. If there is no one there, (and there logically could not be, because my apartment’s door is locked), then I will feel foolish for checking. If I do not check, I get murdered in the shower like Janet Leigh in Psycho.
As I think of all this I slowly become more and more certain that there IS someone in the room with me, and I NEED to do something about it. I do not know what I thought I was going to do to them while wet, naked, and myopic, but I was in survival mode at that point.
I rip the shower curtain open and confront the presence.
A tiny black blob leaps a foot into the air before scrambling out the door, looney tunes style.
There was an intruder, but it was not a person. My poor little cat had pushed the door open so she could get into the bathroom (where her litter box also is) and I had jumpscared her in the middle of her toilette.
Now my cat is scared of me, and scared of going to her litter box, and I feel like a fool for forgetting I had a cat.
TL;DR: Thought my cat was Norman Bates and scared the shit out of her.
disembowledoranges: the real crime here is you didn't pay the cat tax.
Uchidachi: Apologies, cat tax!:
https://preview.redd.it/w6qqaxoneuea1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=4a22c9a243053b50b8bfe15c2e5c5f0967e0f14f
disembowledoranges: OH MY GOD THEY HAVE A WHITE MUSTACHE ONTOP OF THEIR ALREADY MARVELOUS SUIT
| 4 | 79.5 |
|
1674888749 | 1674954387 | t3_10n8muk | t5_2to41 | 15 | thekrismew: TIFU by eating the wrong burger.
On my phone, english is my first language but I'm bad at it, all those things.
My ma and I have been eating a lot of burgers recently, getting rid of meat before it goes bad. We don't typically have beef in the house, we use ground turkey. It basically tastes the same with the right spices. I have a little body malfunction that makes it hard to digest rest meat. It will result in extreme abdominal pain, lethargy and a few other things. Not something to mess with if the burger isn't worth it. (Don't judge me, I'll take the risk for one specific burger.)
Apparently my ma had bought some beef a while back and hadn't told me. It'd been buried in the deep freeze like everything else. She found it, decided to make burgers again with the plan of taking one to work. She did not tell me this. I was in the next room. She left the second buger on the counter and went to her room, didn't say a word. Of course I thought she left it for me!
When she came out later to no second burger, she thought the dog ate it. I'm not gonna let my fluffy homie take the fall so I told her I did, I thought she made it for me like every other time. She went pale and informed me of the mixup. My happy burger time was abruptly cut short by dread. There's not much I can do at that point besides wait.
And waiting I am. It's been ten hours. There's no way I'm getting any sleep tonight with how bad this is.
TL;DR - I made an impulse decision and my doctor won't be happy.
Sad_Question_7254: Update?
thekrismew: Glad you asked!
UPDATE: The stress on mt body triggered an early menstrual cycle. Now I'm in triple the pain!
Sad_Question_7254: Not the best advice, but do you have a hot water bottle? It should help ease the pain if on your stomach or between your thighs.
thekrismew: I'll be okay :)) Have some Midol and a heating pad, and plenty of chocolate. Mostly upset because I had plans for making content this week that now have to wait
| 5 | 3 |
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1674890658 | 1674941878 | t3_10n95s6 | t5_2to41 | 59 | mouthwordpasta: TIFU by taking the stairs
Obligatory this was years ago
I was at an event at a hotel and I was staying on the 23rd floor. The wait for the elevator was unbelievable. You could stand there for a solid 10 minutes after pressing the button with your hands up your ass, just waiting, then you rode the elevator for another hour or so while it stopped on every single floor. Then, once you were on the main floor and wanted to go back to your room, you had to wait in line for a century to get back on the elevator.
I walked around on the main floor, just enjoying the event, when I overheard two people talking about something along the lines of "yeah, the wait for the elevator is insane, I'm just gonna take the stairs". The prospect of "the stairs" intrigued me. I would gladly take the stairs over riding the elevator again. Sure, I was on a high floor, but I could take it.
The next time I was up in my room with the intention to head down to the main floor, I peered around for the fabled stairs. There, I found a door leading out to some stairs. I made my way down 23 flights of stairs only to be met with a door leading outside. The door was labeled as an emergency exit. It said it would sound an alarm if I walked through it.
These were not the fabled stairs.
Realizing my mistake, I made my way back up the 23 flights of stairs to try and get back up to go on the elevator. I tried to go back through the door. It locked behind me. I could not get back inside. I now had one option.
I sighed, and made my way back down the 23 flights of stairs *agaaaaaaaain* to the emergency exit. I examined it for a moment before exiting through it. The alarm sounded, and I was out on the street. I circled around the hotel to the entrance and returned to the event as if nothing happened. Through context clues, I learned that the fabled “stairs" only reached through the second floor.
I was never caught for my crime, but at what cost?
TL;DR: Tried to take the stairs. Took significantly more stairs than intended and ended up having to go out an emergency exit in order to escape the stairwell.
AcrobaticSource3: I hate stairs. If I am on an escalator when it breaks down, i will just stand there and wait for it to work again
Setthegodofchaos: I also hate stairs and would much rather take an elevator or escalator
| 3 | 19.666667 |
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1673150521 | 1673188261 | t3_10695lp | t5_2to41 | 173 | OB1KENOB: TIFU by seeing my bf’s constipated face and now our sex life is awkward
[removed]
bigmilker: I think he posted earlier right?
Devittraisedto2: I think OP is just riding off the post of the previous one
OP isn't even a woman, they're a guy
They even replied on that post https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/105p3nm/tifu_using_the_toilet_in_front_of_my_gf/j3f0v1v?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
MaccGawd: Thank you for this investigative exposè. IDK why people waste their time always lying on the internet. Must be stressful to manage multiple Reddit accounts. 🤒
Moonman08: Like, what’s even the point? I don’t get it.
Pool_Party_Ziggs: Forever online redditors love points and think it makes them matter
| 6 | 28.833333 |
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1673150262 | 1673313876 | t3_106926c | t5_2to41 | 1,108 | [deleted]: TIFU by giving my gf a gift that ended with her in hospital.
[deleted]
rebuildmylifenow: Umm - I don't know how old you are, but here's my 2 cents as an older man.
From my perspective - and there are a lot of people out there that disagree - if you know your partner has a fear of something, and you exploit that to "prank them", then you're not being a safe partner.
**You've taken something that she was vulnerable about to you, and used it against her.**
Is that really the kind of person you want to be? How comfortable is she going to be in the future when talking to you about stuff that upsets/scares/hurts her? She may never come out and say that she was hurt by this - e.g. may say that it was/could have been funny - because that would require her to be vulnerable with you again. And you've already shown that you could turn around and use it against her again.
Regardless of whether or not she did the same kind of thing to you, that's the underlying message behind using her fears against her. I know that you didn't mean to hurt her - but even if she hadn't gotten physically hurt, you would have shown her that **being vulnerable with you wasn't a safe thing to do**.
Something to think about, anyway. YMMV
Squigglepig52: Seems overwrought.
She did a similar thing to him, and she admits it was funny, except for the accidental injury.
I mean, you're going heavy on him, for following her precedent of behaviour.
that's a double standard.
SweetPeaRiaing: Nah, they are both wrong to do it. Neither one is being a safe partner. Two wrongs don’t make a right.
Squigglepig52: Naw.
they are both OK with it, so neither is wrong.
Accidents happen, doesn't mean they aren't "safe" as partners.
That's a you issue, not them.
SweetPeaRiaing: Plenty of toxic partners are “ok” with hurting their partner. Just because they are both “ok” with being cruel to each other does not make them safe partners.
Squigglepig52: Except, they weren't cruel to each other. Again, that's a you issue, and your overly sensitive standard of what counts as cruel.
SweetPeaRiaing: Your partner is the one person you should feel totally safe and secure with. If you are looking over your shoulder wondering when the next “prank” will go down (and if you will break your fuckin arm because of it) that is not safety, it’s simple.
Squigglepig52: Again, that's a you issue.
Most couples are capable of joking back and forth with each other, without being so insecure that small jokes give them trauma.
and, most mature adults are capable, like OP's GF, of understanding accidents happen.
My parents always joked with,and teased, each other, and they had one of the best relationships I have ever seen.
SweetPeaRiaing: Did that joking and teasing ever lead to a broken arm?
Squigglepig52: My Mom wasn't clumsy enough to fall through a table. That part, which you are hung up on, has nothing to do with being able to share jokes with your partner.
That's like calling somebody abusive because they took you ice skating, and you slipped and broke an arm.
SweetPeaRiaing: It’s not, it’s more like giving your grandpa a heart attack because you pranked him by jumping out from a closet trying to scare him. Again, pranks should confuse, not abuse. And it is up to you to set them up to make sure they are *safe*. If your partner gets hurt, it was a bad prank, and ultimately you are responsible.
There’s a big difference between *joking* with your partner and *scaring* your partner, which this particular “joke” was intended to do. My wife and I tell jokes all the time! I have a great sense of humor. I just also know the difference between humor and fear, and what jokes are appropriate to make with a partner and what are not. If I prank my wife and she screams or cries or jumps and gets hurt, that’s not funny.
Squigglepig52: Again - the couple being discussed are both fine with that sort of humour, which matters more than your specific standards.
You know what appears to be appropriate for your relationship, you have no idea what others consider acceptable.
SweetPeaRiaing: Again though, plenty of couples deem unhealthy behavior “appropriate”, that does not make it healthy.
Squigglepig52: Again, the world isn't run according to what you consider appropriate.
SweetPeaRiaing: I didn’t say appropriate, I said healthy. Exercise is healthy. Vegetables are healthy. Potato chips are not. No matter who you are, laying around eating junk food is not healthy. Just because people do it, does not make it healthy. Pranks that rely on exploiting fear are not healthy. You can argue it until you are blue in the face, it will never make it healthy.
| 16 | 69.25 |
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1674163220 | 1674975162 | t3_10gdm5x | t5_2to41 | 61 | Twiggimmapig: TIFU by joking at a pet store
I took my kids to a small local pet store to take a look at the dwarf hamsters and to show them the costs of caring for this new type of mammal, talk about what the responsibilities are, what our future hamsters are going to need, etc. I'm not planning on purchasing until Spring Break, so we were in there for ideas and learning purposes.
Anyway, we were looking at the dwarf hamsters when the clerk asked if we needed anything. We got to chatting, and she pointed out that if we do go through with getting two, to be aware that they can breed pretty quickly and fairly often, to which I jokingly replied "Oh that won't be a problem because we're also purchasing a snake." I told my kids I was kidding because they were immediately horrified, and after much assuring that we were NOT getting a snake, and even if we did I would never do that to the baby hamsters, that was that. (Honestly upon typing this sentence I realize there's a parenting fail in here somewhere)
We took our purchases for our dog to the front, paid, and on the way out the owner of the shop stopped me. He said his wife was absolutely horrified at my lack of appreciation for animal welfare and my blatant disregard for all things God has created and that I was no longer welcome in their shop, and if I showed up there he'd call the authorities. I was stunned, but also I couldn't help laughing. He then said "Keep laughing, young lady. Keep laughing, you'll see."
He held the door for us as we left, stayed outside as I backed out of the parking space, then stood there glaring until I drove off. I only feel slightly embarrassed because I've never been "banned" from anywhere, but the thing that kind of sucks is he might recognize my kids if they go in with my spouse, and the owners seem the type to exclude everyone associated with me. So there it is, a rather boring fuckup compared to all the others in this subreddit, but amusing nonetheless.
TLDR; I made a joke about feeding baby hamsters to a snake and got banned from a local pet store
AshleyIRL: You didn't ask for this advice, but please heed the warning about how fast hamsters can reproduce and reconsider housing them together if you must get more than one.
In brief, when I worked for the humane society a few years ago we had a couple surrender over 200 hamsters. They started with two hamsters one year prior.
Feel free to DM for hamster info and tips if you'd like to.
Denkir-the-Filtiarn: Honestly probably better to go with rats. Two female rats. They're really easy to tell apart too, and generally cage mate siblings get along well if they're both female.
not_my_grandma: When I was in high school, we had an Intro to Psychology course. I was (and still am) super into psychology, so I took the course. Part of the course was that, as a class, we had to choose a psychological experiment and complete it, with everybody turning in their own research papers and thoughts on the experiment.
We chose a fun one from the list of pre-approved experiments- training rats to play basketball. So our teacher goes out and buys two rats. The pet store she bought them from swore up and down they were both males.
Well, we found out our Ralph was a Ralphina when we came to school and found 10 baby rats in their cage. Woops.
Denkir-the-Filtiarn: I had that issue as a child with mice, whew boy do rodents live up to their stereotype.
not_my_grandma: Don't they though! And I thought rabbits were bad lol
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1674892987 | 1674899496 | t3_10n9sgc | t5_2to41 | 273 | [deleted]: TIFU by buying secondhand/knockoffs shoes from goodwill
[deleted]
greenwitchlavender: I am so sorry this is happening to you. I remember wearing too small shoes as a kid for months. Awful pain.
ShoesRWeird: The blisters on the heals and the Achilles tendon are the worst D:
greenwitchlavender: I am sorry. Blisters are awful. This is weird advice but make sure that you are not bending your toes wrong way because it will damage your tendons in them and will cause you pain when you are older. I literally can't find comfortable shoes and every step is painful
ShoesRWeird: Oh I did not know this, Ive been bending them just so it doesn't hurt as bad LOL
greenwitchlavender: Yes so did I when I was teenager. Only my dad worked and we were big family. It could take months of asking to be taken for new shoes. I was eldest so there wasn't choice wearing handmedowns from my siblings. Could perhaps any of your cousins lend you pair of shoes?
ShoesRWeird: My mom is estranged from her family because she wouldnt give me up or have an operation when she was in high school to get rid of me.
greenwitchlavender: Ah I am sorry, that's difficult then.
ShoesRWeird: My moms favorite song is a county song called "We'll Get By Somehow" By billie ray Cyrus and it's been our anthem lol.
| 9 | 30.333333 |
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1673153312 | 1673202821 | t3_106a372 | t5_2to41 | 493 | Redneckenema: TIFU by trying to do a redneck enema
Ok so this is a throwaway because if this comes out in my life you know what let’s not even talk about it
So then for context I’ve had issues with constipation for a while now not severe enough to warrant going on anything but over the counter medicine but I’m also broke so I haven’t been able to buy much of anything so I heard that enemas can help so I read how to do one and I figured “hey I can just do this with my shower if I take the shower head off and use the hose” so today I’m in the shower and I decided to do it I take the shower head off stick the hose up my ass and I had it on almost max pressure it’s alright for about 10 20 seconds and I can’t hold it I get poop chunks in the shower I get to the toilet and I almost cry and I shit out water for almost 40 minutes off and on and my asshole hurts so bad I’m still on the toilet making this post before the shame really sits in
Tl;DR shower hose go in bum I get filled with water horrendous water shit for 40 minutes my ass hurts
AdictedToCandy: Very valuable information was passed on to me by my children’s pediatrician and now I pass this knowledge on to you. Before medication, before enemas, before *anything* go buy a box of Fruit Roll-Ups, Fruit By The Foot, any kind of fruit leather snacks and a bottle of water. Chill. Watch an hour of tv. Relax. Don’t think about pooping. Eat the *entire* box of fruity goodness like you did when you were a kid- tear it into strips, twirl it around your finger, tie it into bows, whatever, have fun, but eat the whole box. Sip the water in between strips. Then wait. Relax. Get ready. Because the entirety of your colon, front to back, mouth to anus is about to be birthed. You’re welcome.
SeattleTrashPanda: …. Why will fruit snacks make your ass blow up??
OnceAStudent__: Possibly the dried fruit paired with water turning your intestines and bowel into a running mudslide?
AdictedToCandy: It’s less mud slide-y, more explosion-y.
Plus-Trick-9849: So u tried it?
AdictedToCandy: This method has been used several times over the years.
Plus-Trick-9849: Hmmmm
AdictedToCandy: By members of my family. It works.
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1673154282 | 1673154780 | t3_106aesw | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: Tifu by arguing with some girls at a party
[removed]
chocolatecakedonut: Why did you post this again?
cute_red_benzo: Cus' not everyone saw it already (me)
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1674896797 | 1674949900 | t3_10naqvr | t5_2to41 | 11,628 | spoopycow: TIFU by pretending my boyfriends penis was a trumpet.
This actually happened 4 or 5 years ago.
I was living in a hotel while I was attending secondary school for the military and my boyfriend was visiting for the weekend. He had a mild case of tinea versicolor so he asked me to cover his chest and back with some Sulsun Blue. I happily agreed, he got naked and I got to rubbing.
After he was fully coated in Selsun Blue, I got on my knees in front of him. Naturally he got excited BUT instead of things getting sexy, I tried to be funny because I’m painfully awkward.
I grabbed his dick, looked up at him and said, “wouldn’t it be fun if I played your dick like a trumpet?”
Like a good sport, he pretended to laugh at my attempt of a joke and I started my musical.
I moved my face closer to his head and began making the trumpet noise while pushing the imaginary trumpet buttons on his shaft.
This is where I really fucked up. I was having too much fun, got carried away and my mouth accidentally made contact. Next thing I know, I felt an air bubble traveling through his shaft and he let out the loudest screech I have ever heard. I couldn’t process what just happened as he fell onto the bed writhing in pain. He was left squirming and moaning (not good moaning) for about 10 minutes. I’m pretty sure there were a couple of tears that fell from his eyes. I felt HORRIBLE. I thought I ruined this man’s penis forever and if I didn’t, I thought he would never let me get close to it again.
When the pain finally subsided, I told him how sorry I was and he forgave me. We laughed at the events that just transpired and agreed that I was never allowed to play with dick instruments ever again.
He ended up marrying me a couple of years later, so maybe dick instruments aren’t really that bad.
TLDR: while attempting to be sexy, I pretended my boyfriends penis was a trumpet and accidentally blew an air bubble into his dick causing him EXTREME pain.
KingNyx: That is absolutely horrifying. Didn't even know that was possible
zugtug: I think you can flat out die or have a stroke if it happens to a female. No idea on a male though.
anadalite: it's incredibly unlikely but possible if you blow a significant amount of air into the vagina during menstruation or ovulation but it would have to be a lot to make it into the bloodstream and even then it would need to block a vein or artery
the bladders urethra are fine, might hurt a bit but ultimately fine
VEI8: Yeah, this has always annoyed me when people say this like it's incredibly dangerous. Like what do people think queefs are?
TRexRoboParty: The complete opposite.
That's air going out, not in.
VEI8: Well, I may be wrong here, but I *think* it has to go in before it can come out.
TRexRoboParty: Sure, which is still the opposite.
Exhaling is not the same as inhaling. They're opposites, even if one depends on the other.
VEI8: Pedantry duly noted, but until a term is created for the air entering the vagina I think "queef" will suffice as a full description.
TRexRoboParty: There's no term for getting dust up your nose; yet the term "sneezing" refers just to the outgoing part.
Why does there need to be a term? Just use words. "Air entering" is a sufficient description, "queef" describes the opposite.
VEI8: Queef is adequate because it implies the presence of the air without the need for pedantic explanation, in essence using words as you say, with the expectation that the reader can make the logical connection much in the same way saying "they farted" doesn't require me to qualify it with "the air trapped in their ass". I hope this has been informative.
TRexRoboParty: In a conversation about blowing lots of air *in* being dangerous, the difference between the two pretty significant. Plus, you asked what people think... so I answered the question.
VEI8: I believe *you* think it is. And the question was rhetorical, but again I believe that was implied.
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1673155941 | 1673188421 | t3_106aygx | t5_2to41 | 64 | TeamsThrowaway: TIFU trying to help some children
Today I was driving my car to the local shops and was only a couple hundred meters away from my house when I see two young girls standing on the side of the road flailing their arms, appearing to flag me down. I pull over and roll down my window and ask what’s up. They just say “oh we only wanted to say hello” so I smile and wave and say hello back and drive off.
A couple of hours later I get a knock at the door and it’s the police. They say they’ve had a complaint that I had approached a couple of girls and tried to entice them into my car. I explained the situation and they were still a bit dubious until I showed them my dashcam which clearly showed everything going on. The police took my statement and the footage and said nothing more would be coming my way. I have no idea what, if anything, will happen with the girls.
TL;DR tried to help some kids, got accused of being a pedophile.
Malevolent_Mangoes: I mean it’s cool that people are paying attention to their kids and making sure they’re okay but also really wild that you got the police called on you just for saying hi
SuperHighJesus: Sounds like the girls called them trying to stir trouble, who just randomly waves down a car to "say hi" to a stranger?
Frosty-Audience-2257: I mean, kids will do weird shit like that
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1674898911 | 1674899878 | t3_10nbajd | t5_2to41 | 7 | Fickle-Angle-4651: TIFU when i didn't stop after i hit someone.
Forgive my bad writing, this is my first post
This happened about a week ago. So I was just casually driving to work as usual, but I was on a call(yes I know, not the safest thing) when all of a sudden I hear a thud on my right side, and am greeted by the sight of the dude who is on my right's side-view mirror half-way torn off.
I look at him in shock as my boss is telling me to hurry up and meet with the client. I work in real estate (this will be semi-important later), so I need to hurry if i want to potentially make a commission.
So without thinking, I peel out going 60 mph/97 kmh and completely tear off his mirror.
And if you think that's the most embarrassing part about it, you'd be wrong. See we were both going in the same direction, but he disappeared from my vision. After all that happened i collect myself and give the potential buyer a tour of several houses (I will not disclose where). When we were finally done and agreed upon a price as we were walking outside, that's when i saw him. He was getting out of his rental and we locked eyes. I was still trying to get my commission so I once again drove away before we could meet.
In the end I got my commission, and before you ask, yes I went back, apologized, and offered to pay for the damage. And even though we had a good ending, I still have this heavy guilt in my stomach.
TL;DR- I wasn't paying attention while driving, sideswiped a guy, met him later, and made an easy situation very awkward.
shadesofwolves: How did you know you were going to see him again?
Also, in some places, leaving the scene of a collision is illegal.
Same as being on your phone while driving.
I mean, how reckless can you actually be?
Fickle-Angle-4651: I know what I did was wrong, also I didn't know i was going to see him again. I forgot to mention it but he was going to his house across the street. Another addition is that I wasn't holding my phone, I had it on my car speaker. The reason i was so stressed about getting to my buyer's location was because I was late on bill's and my mind was also focused on paying for things like my paraplegic nephew.
shadesofwolves: Exactly, so you should have stopped and dealt with the collision properly or you may not have had the opportunity and then you've ruined someone else's day for your own selfishness, potentially illegaly.
Whatever is going on in your personal life doesn't change the fact that actions have consequences, you're obviously an adult so you should know better.
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1673159077 | 1673160772 | t3_106bxx6 | t5_2to41 | 16 | Hyp0ch0ndriAc111: TIFU by trying to banter with an Instagram E-Girl SCAM and how it turned out is stressing me tf out
This happened today, and I'm really stressing about it.
This is an obvious burner. So, I (21M) got added by a random girl on Instagram and she immediately messaged me saying what's up. Intrigued I replied back and we started a conversation. I'm not stupid, well that's up for debate as you will see, but when a girl hits me up I off the bat I am under the impression its a scam or a bot. You never know though, some girls just get bored and just message random people. So, in this talking phase she told me that she is 19, and what university she is going to. I replied back with what school I go to. I ended up giving this person my snap because they asked for it.
Still, I proceeded like it wasn't real and I did notice some things that confirmed this. Her English seemed normal, but she had weird moments like she would say: how we swap pictures, instead of how about we swap pictures, as well as small things with how she texted. I did send a picture of myself because she sent one of her self. It didn't seem like a big deal, bot or not. Then she said she wanted to swap nudes and I said ok. She sent a picture of her tits, or what I assumed was a picture on some dudes camera roll. She asked for a picture back, and sent a fake dick pic from the internet. I don't know why, I just wanted to fuck with this person but I probably should have blocked them.
Immediately after she sends me a message saying that I got baited and the usual scam stuff, saying I needed to send over 300 dollars and that they have my face and my nudes and that things will be bad for me if I don't fork over the cash. Along with this threat they sent over a picture taken from another phone of my selfie, the fake dick, and a screen shot of my follows list which only has a couple of people on it. Even though these threats should amount to nothing, I made some foolish mistakes that are freaking me out a bit. I blocked the account on snap and Instagram and did message people saying that if they get messages from this "person" to not open them. I got a reply back from one of these people saying that they had received no message which was relieving. But I really don't want people who I follow to see the nsfw material and have to explain to them what really happened. These things don't look good you know. Also, before I blocked this person they said they would send this to my school, which I don't know, why would they care even if this was real, but still gets me a little frightened irrationally.
So, I really need advice from you guys. What are the chances that they do end up sending these things to people on my following list, as well as what would happen if this got to my school? Have any of you been dumb enough to do this too? How did it end, what did you do? What are the repercussions if any?
What I do know, is I'm not touching this kind of shit anymore, I usually love trolling fake or bot accounts for a laugh but this is the first time it got out of hand like this because I went too far. I'm fucking stupid and I really hope I won't pay for this.
TL;DR, I got messaged by an obvious scam on Instagram, sent fake nudes to bait the account, ended up getting screen shotted and was threatened that the pics would get sent to my followers.
TheNightguard10: Been in a similar spot but nothing came of it. Best to just ignore it.
Hyp0ch0ndriAc111: thank you for replying, being told this from someone who was in a similar situation has eased my mind a little
27291thrwwy: they usually won’t actually send them to anyone. they typically are just doing it for the money and don’t even need to follow through because by blocking them you already showed that they aren’t getting money from you. they are doing this to hundreds of people every day and they don’t have the time to follow through on every threat they make, they just do it because some people will actually send them money.
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1673158006 | 1673172860 | t3_106bm04 | t5_2to41 | 24 | Iguessive: TIFU by being a horrible friend.
TIFU:
On new years eve I went to a party hosted by a coworker and was having a great time. I decided to go home and pick up some playing cards halfway through and was greeted by my friend/roomate Max and a girl, Hailey. All you need to know about her is that she is hot, they hooked up, and much to his disappointment they stayed friends only. I invited them to stop by the party and they agreed.
Hailey was all over me the whole night, we danced together and drank a lot together. The party was great until Max started throwing up due to food poisoning and I'm sure the alcohol didn't help either. Once he stopped throwing up she and I took him back to our house and he ended up falling asleep on the couch.
I ended up sleeping with Hailey in the other room. We didn't have sex but it was more than just sharing a bed. There was lots of kissing and we tried to do it but I couldn't keep it up. I was still a virgin and it was the third time I had fallen just short. She didn't make fun of me or anything but it was really embarrassing for me.
A day passed and she had come over to a house party we had for a friends birthday. She slipped me her phone number before she left. I knew I had to tell max because there was this really weird unspoken tension. The guilt was really getting to me.
I ended up just lying to Max and told him we had sex because how am I supposed to tell him I have erectile dysfunction and that I didn't betray him just because I didn't put it in, while in an already fucked up and complicated conversation. So I told him that we had sex. He said that it was basically all but confirmed and thanked me for being transparent. Since she had been clear to him that they were not going to be more than friends he said he didn't care. That was a lie and I knew it deep down.
And that brings us to the booty call that occurred last night. She texted me and asked to hang out at like 9 at her place. So I headed over. As I drove through the night I just kept making excuses. Like: I already told him we had sex, so why not actually do it. Like: he said he didn't care. And most convincing: a girl that was out of my league wanted me to have sex with her even though I am a virgin and couldn't get it up. I don't want to make myself sound like the victim or anything because I obviously broke the bro code but I felt so vulnerable that I just crumbled and let it happen. I wanted to really badly. So we fucked for real this time. But It felt a bit like when you are having fun when you are supposed to be working on a project that you are behind on.
Then today I didn't come back to our apartment and headed straight to work. He sent me a text that went like this:
MAX: are you coming to Kyles bday party tomorrow night?
ME: yes
MAX: Hailey your plus one?
ME: I don't know about that one
MAX: IDC if that's what you're worried about, if its going to be a problem for either of you I'll just not go so both of you can go
ME: Look man I just wouldn't bring her as a plus one, we are not a thing. I would rather you be there 100 percent of the time
no response
I don't know if he knows I spent the night at her place but I think he probably does. If it is... that's the second time he thinks I slept with her. I threw out my v card and possibly my friendship. This wasn't how this year was supposed to start. I go from incel to piece of shit friend. I want to die. Everyone that I have told this semes to agree that I am a piece of shit for this, and that I have to apoligize. But as much as I agree and feel bad, she doesn't want to date him and I also just wanted to lose my virginity.
would you have done the same thing?
TL;DR I lost my virginity with my best friends crush and I think I ruined our friendship.
UnadvertisedAndroid: First things first: Other people aren't donuts, you can't call dibs on them. Your friend can crush on anyone they want, but until that other person agrees to crush back exclusively, they're all free game. If your friend is hurt because you slept with someone they had absolutely no claim to, they're a terrible friend and need to grow up.
Spiersy_: It's not about calling dibs on anyone. It's about respecting your friends feelings and doing what you can to avoid them getting hurt.
OP shouldn't be sorry for getting with someone who likes him, OP should be sorry that something he did hurt one of his close friends.
Obviously the friend isn't unreasonable, I mean, he's literally stepping aside. Sounds like the kind of friend you want to keep, so I don't blame OP for feeling guilty.
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1674903234 | 1674929370 | t3_10ncfra | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by drinking pee
[removed]
Lenz12: I dunno who's dumber, OP or the people commenting on this obviously made up story by a 15y.o. virgin
Mental-Parking4750: I’ll try to have more believable sex next time
Lenz12: You never had sex.
Mental-Parking4750: Yeah totally
Lenz12: Also, 0% chance you're female.
Mental-Parking4750: Okay I get why you would doubt my story but why would I lie about my gender?
Lenz12: Because you have a very distorted view of women.
Mental-Parking4750: Please elaborate on that
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1674892862 | 1674926191 | t3_10n9r92 | t5_2to41 | 9 | mashedpotatoupyouras: TIFU by eating spicy jerky
TLDR: idiot touched his dick after eating spicy jerky and suffers
Today I went down to the local markets, nothing really seemed appealing until a stall caught my eye, beef jerky! And a spicy option as well! Two of my favourite things together I get home and try some of the jerky, delicious and spicy, I was told it was a Carolina reaper and I believe it was, I start slowly eating it and then I put it down, watch a little breaking bad then I want more so I got more, now here I am cluelessly chomping down on my beef jerky, the show was nearing an important part and when that part stops I continue eating then put it down and then I instinctively touch my dick for no reason and then the pain starts… it felt like someone had held a lighter to my penis, I take a shower and run my knowledge of pepper, first try water if that doesn’t work then soap and if that doesn’t work then try vegetable oil and if that doesn’t work well then fuck you, I darted quickly into the shower and ran my member under water, nothing, I lubed up with soap, rubbed it on, nothing… I try a spoonful of vegetable oil, my usual thing to ensure nothing is on their, I try it… nothing well fuck. The best I could do was either dunk my dick into a glass of milk like an Oreo or wait it out, I chose to wait it out but holy shot that was a painful few episodes of breaking bad…
TIFU by touching my dick after eating spicy jerky.
OkVolume1: Eat a spicy jerky...
Have a spicy jerky.
Salt_Cantaloupe_1766: More like a spicy gherkin
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1673794940 | 1673896373 | t3_10clx26 | t5_2to41 | 10,766 | [deleted]: TIFU by asking my gf who she's texting
[deleted]
Form84: I've dated a person who was cheating, and this 1000000% sounds like deflecting. Nobody who is sane does this, nobody who isn't cheating does this.
OfficerStink: Same, if they aren’t cheating they would leer you see their phone. Not that I’m for snooping but once someone starts hiding their phone you know something’s up
a_literal_throwaway: Question: (and I genuinely want some input/advice on this) I’ve gotten to the point now where I don’t really give my bf my phone anymore. The reason being - he is extremely insecure and jealous, and has constantly accused me of going behind his back, talking to *whoever* and lying to him about it, etc. We’ve been together for almost two years, and I’ve gladly handed him my phone MANY times. And every time he’s gone through it, found nothing, and proceeded to be like “well idk you could’ve deleted messages” or he’ll find something completely innocent to get annoyed about. I’ve told him that at this point I have given him no reason to not trust me, and I’m sick of being on the receiving end of HIS insecurities. Basically I said “this is a YOU problem that YOU need to work on, and I’m sick of having to explain and defend every single comment I make or conversation I have.”
I’m not sure what my question is, really, but like…. thoughts???
Fasgry: Try talking to him and help him, you are his gf, you should help and not leave him with his problems alone, if you don't get that you should at least attempt to.
Just my opinión though, and don't give him ultimatums, you are just playing with his insecurities.
DrakeSilmore: His insecurities are not her responsibility. What you're describing is a dependent relationship, and is toxic. He should get professional help, she is urging him to get it. In the end it is his choice to get help or let his problems control his life.
Fasgry: Is more lf a caring relationship, you can't pretende someone will be perfect, everybody has flaws, of course a psychologist would be great, but her gf should do something, after all, if she has been with him for this long, he does some things right, and some flaws are no reason to leave him. And his insecurities are not her responsability, but she is with him, and helping him is not toxic, it's just what a caring person does.
Helping someone that needs it is not toxic.
DrakeSilmore: She's been with him for 2 years. I think we can conclude she doesn't know how to help him. She showed her phone. She did what she needed to dispell the suspicions of any other healthy person. What else is she supposed to do?
There is a boundary between helping one another and being dependent on someone else. If she would cater to his insecurities, the relationship would become less healthy. She is protecting her boundaries correctly.
Fasgry: She could talk with him treating him like a human. From what I have read, she gave him an ultimatum, that ain't help at all, just playing with him. Also they are both equal persons, helping him does not lower her to a less important person at all. In case she can't help him fully, there is a lot of things she could do, like not turning her back (in case the relationship matters for her, if not she should help as a friend or just someone with empathy) and trying to get him to therapy or anything needed, also telling his parents, etc
DrakeSilmore: But she did. She only gave him an ultimatum after two years of him being jealous. She talked with him about it before that. It is not her responsibility to fix him, it is her responsibility to take care of herself first. She is not obligated to stay with him. She didn't give the ultimatum to play with his feelings him or to force him to change, but she gave it to be honest with him. The relationship will not continue if he doesn't fix his problems. This is her right. She doesn't want to leave him, but she is unable to stay with him if he doesn't get help.
People are not obligated to help each other. It is not a healthy mindset to believe so. You help people when you yourself are capable of doing so. This means you need to have the mental stability and space to help others, but also the expertise. If he remains jealous and distrusting, he needs to learn that it is not sustainable for a relationship, it's selfish behaviour. Your partner deserves to be respected and has the right to walk out when they are not respected.
I agree it would be good if she helps him. I just believe she is not obligated to do so, or be able to do so. In the end, he needs to be self-reliant in a relationship.
Fasgry: I never said she is obligated, but she is his gf, not a stranger, she should have a place in his life, and if she has been with him for so long that means that this problem wasn't so important for her. In my opinion if she does not want to help she shouldn't be in a relationship with him, makes no sense.
I am insisting in the possibility of helping him because everyone on reddit says in a lot of situations like this the most negative things and for the slightest mistake "you should leave him" of course here, the mistake isn't a little one, but still, if she has been with him for 2 years it probably means that he has made her happy for some time, throwing that away doesn't seem reasonable
DrakeSilmore: Around two years comes the point in the relationship where you start asking yourself: "Do I want to be with this person for the rest of my foreseeable future?" It's not weird to me that this is becoming a more pressing issue in this phase.
As a partner you support your significant other, absolutely. But with boundaries. This would be a boundary for me. I've been someone with 2 years, continuously shown them I'm loyal, always showed my phone and yet they don't even acknowledge the fact I've done nothing to earn their distrust. At that point it's no longer my responsibility, at that point I have a choice: accept this person as they are, or tell them that it will not work for me like this. I can choose to help them, take on a responsibility that I don't have to, and try to support them in working things through. But I don't have to. I can also break up and find a partner that makes my life less difficult.
That last possibility is why it is so important for him, and anyone in a similar situation, to realise they need to get themselves together. Nobody is going to help them if they don't try and help themselves first. And they will lose out on real life opportunities if they don't help themselves first. I was in that situation. It would not be healthy for me to expect from my partner to deal with and fix my problems. They can choose to support me, which means that I need to take the first step, I need to take responsibility for my problem. They are your equal, not your guardian. And it seems as if this boyfriend does not realise they have a problem in need of fixing. As such, for her it becomes a matter of staying with them as they are or finding a path with less strive in life.
Fasgry: Yes, like i said, not her responsability, but it wouldn't be a toxic choice trying to help him
DrakeSilmore: It's not toxic as long as it's her choice, I agree.
I read your comment more as a "you should help him," as in: "you are obliged to help him." Rather than: "I would try to help him with it." But even in that situation, it is important for him to realise he needs the help. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
Fasgry: I mean, if she want to spend her life with him she should help him instead of being unhappy forever, if not it would be better to just leave.
About the other thing, people who don't want to be helped can acknowledge that they have a problem with a little push, in case she wants to do something, also helping him into therapy, etc
| 15 | 717.733333 |
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1673157591 | 1673319144 | t3_106bgzu | t5_2to41 | 17 | J4k3lly: TIFU by not hitting record.
This happened when I was in high school. I was a member of the AV club and the lights/sound crew for musicals and plays. I also recorded the video for a good amount of concerts. The video and audio would be sold to raise funds for our music dept. Anyway, here’s where I messed up. During one of our concerts, I was chosen to be the camera operator for the event. This is something I had done dozens of times. The concert begins and I’m crushing it. Smooth panning left to right, zooming in and out of soloists. Wide shots for the applause and bows. Fast forward to about half way through the last song when I finally notice something odd on the viewfinder of the camera. A green circle with the letters “STBY.” That stands for “standby” which means I was not recording. I honestly don’t remember the rest of the night other than telling the director of the AV dept that I forgot to hit record. I believe the audio was recorded separately and they were able to sell that. So the music department made some money. Just not as much as they would have if I had actually done my one job.
TL;DR: I forgot to press record and cost the music department a couple hundred dollars in funding.
cliffordc5: I’d have felt my soul depart right at that moment. Just reading about that green light sent me.
J4k3lly: I was in denial for a while for a bit. “Green means everything is good right?” Then reality came crashing back. I felt my heart drop to the floor. It was the “please let this be a dream” feeling.
cliffordc5: Well, you’ll never make that mistake again I bet 😉
J4k3lly: Abso-fucking-lutely. Never again lol.
| 5 | 3.4 |
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1674904566 | 1674957593 | t3_10ncsfg | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: TIFU by drinking too much and presumably made a fool of myself at works party but can’t remember.
[deleted]
ellilaamamaalille: Hey, welcome to our club.😉
Lem0n_Lem0n: What club is it called ??
ellilaamamaalille: "Mä mokasin firman juhlissa" club. Most of the members are finns but I hope that is no problem for you.
Lem0n_Lem0n: May I ask, What kind of club is it??
| 5 | 3.4 |
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1673164483 | 1673236777 | t3_106dhv1 | t5_2to41 | 6,143 | mckaylalopez: TIFU by giving myself a Brazilian
I’ve wanted my own hard wax kit for so long. I finally got one today and I waxed EVERYTHING. Legs, arm pits, eyebrows, coochie.
The wax is amazing. Goes on smooth as butter. Legs were fine. Eyebrows are easy. Armpit….bout snatch my soul. I had to have my kid pull it off. It was one of those “you laugh at how painful it was” and your eyes water.
Now see, I wasn’t concerned about coochie. My husband takes my girl to pound town at least twice a week. That was gonna be easy.
I get my kid in bed. I shower and begin the worst experience in my life so far. I followed the directions. Did the pubic bone. When I tell you I saw bright lights flash, I thought I passed out. But im not a quitter. So I do the labia. The directions say to make a horse shoe, but I was like nah we are doing a single side.
I was wrong. So very wrong. I felt like voldermort splitting his fucking soul into horcruxs. I snapchat friends for help and they just laughed at me (rightfully so).
I had the bright idea that maybe I should do the horseshoe. So I do the horseshoe. I have so many regerts now.
I laid in bed with an iron clad coochie, waiting for my husband to get home. I can only imagine the joy he is going to have when I have to ask him to pull it.
He gets home and immediately calls me an idiot of trying to do my whole cooch on day one and still trying to figure out how to use it. Somehow I’ve convinced myself that if my family is licensed to be a cosmetologist or aesthetician, maybe it genetically flowed into me. This is also how my husband ended up with a bald head in 2020 when I convinced him I could cut hair. (I’d like to add, he just succumb to my peer pressure. He did not once in our almost 10 years together, think I actually possessed these skills. In fact, he tried to instill in me that I do not have any of these skills.)
He stares at it, ready to break this barrier between him and his dinner. I’m panicking because I know he is going in with no mercy. I showed him that I started typing this. We are reading it together and unbeknownst to me, he looks down out the corner of his eye and rips the wax strip like he is cranking up a lawnmower that he just fixed.
At that same moment, my left lip was lit on fire, sent my body into a full seizure, and my soul ascended to the stars. I stated that I want to keep the rest. It was apart of me. I would just grow it out, cut it when it was long enough. That wasn’t an answer he was willing to accept.
A wrestling match started to keep the sacred wax wad. I finally gave in and allow him to finish the horcrux curse.
My coochie looks likes it has alopecia. The wax was so poorly applied, it’s patchy af. So now I gotta figure out wtf do I do now. I can’t have a professional see this mess. I’ll be one of their stories they will tell for years to come. People are gonna think I have crabs if I shave and it’s half grown and half waxed. When it starts growing back, it’ll itch like a mofo. Neighboring hair follicles angry that I stole their brothers and sisters.
I’ll be drowning my sorrows in a bowl of pizza rolls.
TLDR: tried waxing my vag with no experience. Too painful to do it by myself, so my husband got enjoy the fruits of my stupidity by ripping it off.
Edit: I don’t have an OF. I just have no shame when it comes to an itch. So if my muffin is screaming, I gotta itch it. On the outside of my pants of course. Ya girl isn’t trying to catch a charge.
Aurora_96: You're not alone. I have used hard wax on that area too and I know the torture. I succeeded to push through the pain once or twice, but the last time I ended up cutting off the wax, because of how painful it was. Also, the positions I had to put myself in to get this done were everything but natural and I would end up with a lot of back pain and neck pain. I'm considering visiting a professional, because shaving is ineffective (grows back within 2 days) and using hair removal products/Nair just gives me UTI's (I'm very prone to developing UTI's). I haven't had the courage yet to contact someone who's a professional waxer.. I fear the pain so so much.
harleyspoison267: Believe me, it's a thousand times less painful to be waxed professionally than to do it yourself. It's like plucking every eyebrow hair, versus them cleaning you eyebrows up in 4 strips. They have a way of putting it on that's actually quite pleasant, then they'll make sure to get everything under that strip in one go, and at the end there's usually some kind of treatment they put on it which helps with the stinging. I have no problem waxing the rest of my body, but I would never go anywhere near my bikini area myself. It's just too dangerous with how delicate that skin is. Also, please don't use nair anywhere near there. It is so bad for you and you're introducing a lot of dangerous chemicals to your most delicate skin. Highly recommend you try getting a bikini wax/Brazilian at least once.
Aurora_96: If you have to grade the pain on a scale from 1 to 10... How bad is the pain?
harleyspoison267: Hmm.. well I have a couple chronic pain conditions so my 10 may be different from others, but the first time was probably like a 6.5/7? But remember, the bad pain lasts about 30 seconds or less per strip. Once it's over, it's slightly tender, but actually feels nice in my opinion. It's literally just the pulling off part that hurts, and certain parts of that area don't hurt much more than other parts of your body. The estheticians also do this technique where when they remove the strip, they place their hand or something over that area for a moment afterward and press down, which helps with the worst of the burning. You definitely get way more used to it as time goes on, though, just like any other hair removal technique.
Aurora_96: Yes, when I wax my armpits I also press down after pulling the strip away and it's very relieving. Thank you for sharing your experiences, I really appreciate it! I'll look into a good wax salon in my area.
harleyspoison267: Yw! It's definitely not for everyone, but it doesn't have to be a bad experience. I would steer away from Groupons and such as the best waxes I've ever had were the more expensive ones. Around $80 where i live. Hope it works out for ya!
| 7 | 877.571429 |
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1674903682 | 1674912636 | t3_10nck68 | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU by looking at a test of a snake in a toilet while on the toilet
[deleted]
Big-Graysie-II: Your title makes zero sense.
ThurBiPoliBur: If you read the edit in the post you'd of seen the correction.
Big-Graysie-II: Oh yes. Let me get onto that. 🙄
ThurBiPoliBur: Don't gotta be a dickhead. I tried editing it but you can't edit titles of reddit. Who pissed in your cereal?
Also the saying is "right on" that not "onto" that. So guess even you make mistakes huh?
Big-Graysie-II: My God please stop typing. 🤣
ThurBiPoliBur: Oh, sorry for pointing out where you can find the 1 letter difference in the title so you are able to comprehend English, explaining the correct way to say what you were trying to get across and also trying to edit my grammar mistakes. I assumed you had zero reading comprehension because of your first reply so I was trying to make life easier for you.
EmphasisFinal: Bro, your story sucks. Please just delete it
Big-Graysie-II: 🤣
| 9 | 0.222222 |
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1673170410 | 1673292513 | t3_106f57n | t5_2to41 | 60 | MaterialGwurll: TIFU by using the wifi at work for non work related purposes
I wrote this on mobile so please forgive formatting.
I (25F) have been working for a couple years at a startup that does tech stuff. I am not very techie at all (majored in business), and managed to get hired due to my knowledge of other parts of the business.
I was working from home for a while, until my old position was dissolved and I got moved to working a new role in person a few months ago. The office is small, with only a few other employees working at a time, and in a different city than I live. Due to personal circumstances I can’t move right now, so I commute quite a ways each day.
I feel I should also mention I’m pretty mentally ill (depression, anxiety & adhd), and unmedicated so the transition has been a lot to manage. I struggled a lot for the first couple weeks. Working from home allowed me quite a bit of freedom, and I was able to put mechanisms I place that I used in college to help myself stay motivated and get through the days. For example, I reward myself with little breaks from what I’m doing if I’ve felt I’ve done good work and made sufficient progress.
Since moving to working in the office, I’ve continued to use my own personal laptop for work as I dislike the cheap company provided computers. I still use a work gmail account, but there’s no company software programs or anything installed on my computer.
Here’s where I fucked up: I thought that if I was using a different web browser than the one I was logged in on with my work gmail that I would be safe from the watchful eye of HR/IT or whatever .
A couple months ago when I had been working on a particularly tiring project, I thought I would reward myself with a break and open up Reddit for a bit. And for the last month or so, when I got bored, needed a little break, or finished with my work, I would go on my separate browser to Reddit and scroll through TIFU, AITA, petty revenge, etc.
It wasn’t until yesterday when a coworker mentioned turning off wifi on their phone before searching something non work related that I realized the company might be able to see what I was searching, regardless of my separate browser. I did some googling and it turns out that sure enough my employers can likely see anything searched, or web pages visited, through the company wifi.
Since then, I’ve been worried sick about the fact that they know everything I’ve looked up on company time. Mostly, the fact that I’ve spent time on Reddit. I never looked up anything nsfw, but I would click through a a few posts to find ones that interest me: I’m am mortified at the thought of being confronted about this. Needless to say I’ve completely stopped looking up anything non work related at all on the company wifi since, but I’m worried they probably think I’m a total idiot and screw up. At least that’s how I feel.
I’ve done really good work for the company, and given up a lot to make this role transition work, but I’m worried my time is limited now. God it’d be such an awkward conversation, and worst of all I have no idea what I’d tell my friends and family if I get fired for this. We have performance reviews going on and I’m so so worried that someone is going to bring it up.
I guess I’ll be living in fear for the next month or so until I’m either fired or performance reviews are good and far behind us. This is taking a toll on my already fragile mental health.
Writing this out has been slightly cathartic, I haven’t told anyone because I’m so embarrassed. I would love to hear any thoughts/advice, but please don’t be too harsh. I know I’m stupid and I’m beating myself up enough for this. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.
tldr: I’ve been scrolling Reddit at work through my personal computer using company wifi and didn’t realize my employers can almost definitely see that shit. I am an idiot, fml.
Compufreak345: Calm down.
(1) As long as you didn't log in with a personal account into the Wifi they probably don't know who the device belongs to.
(2) No, they cannot see what you searched for and on what subpages you were, it's all encrypted via https. The only thing they might see is that you were on reddit. So they can only see the top level domain.
(3) The posts you found about employers seeing exactly what you do probably referred to company owned devices with configurations allowing to do so.
(4) If everyone surfing privately would immediately be kicked, there would be noone left to work for the company.
(5) As long as there is no reason to do so, the employer usually doesn't do this kind of investigations, especially tracing down a private device.
(6) It is already a couple of months ago, if such kind of monitoring would happen you would already have been notified.
All is good, stop panicking 👍
aussie_nub: >No, they cannot see what you searched for and on what subpages you were, it's all encrypted via https. The only thing they might see is that you were on reddit. So they can only see the top level domain.
This may not be true. I know the Fortinet firewall when I used it would allow you deep packet inspection (except bank websites which businesses were legally not allowed to deep packet inspect so it would just fail).
You're right about businesses not doing it. I've worked in IT for 15 years and the only time I can remember being asked when someone was looking up guns (Might be acceptable in the US, but definitely not here in Australia).
Compufreak345: No matter which hardware-firewall, as long as you don't install a custom certificate on the client, it will not be able to break SSL encryption. At least not without warnings / manual exceptions.
aussie_nub: Yeah, which many corporations do.
Compufreak345: Yeah, but OP did explicitly write about a personal device.
| 6 | 10 |
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1674912355 | 1674919739 | t3_10nf1bs | t5_2to41 | 187 | [deleted]: TIFU by finding out I have been ruining the quality of my music
[deleted]
Splyce123: You should try music streamed in ultra high quality through a decent DAC/amp and some really nice headphones. The difference from a normal Spotify stream (or whatever streaming site you use) vs the next tier up is amazing.
doomsdaymach1ne: Was always surprised how YouTube actually sounded a fair bit better than Spotify. Does this make sense ? What makes a music stream "high quality" just the amount of data streamed ? More data = more nuances etc?
Splyce123: Higher bitrate basically. The basic streaming services tend to be around 320kbps. Something like Amazon Prime Music Ultra HD is 9216kbps. You're getting nearly 30 times the amount of data which with a good setup can make a hell of a difference. Funnily enough, YouTube is actually at the lower end of the spectrum at only 256kbps.
doomsdaymach1ne: Didn't know Amazon had this option. Just read spotify seems to be in the works of a HD option as well.
| 5 | 37.4 |
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1673171468 | 1673198955 | t3_106ffgd | t5_2to41 | -6 | fuckyou7474765: TIFU by forgetting to book the venue for a big event
[removed]
ChiSandTwitch: You're a fucking asshole
fuckyou7474765: how
ChiSandTwitch: Your only concern is that you're worried about your paycheck, and you've openly admitted you find it all funny and have no remorse. That's literally the definition of an asshole. You get that right?
fuckyou7474765: well i dont know any of these people and honestly my boss is a asshole so i dont really care. i need money to feed my little hamster stitch
ChiSandTwitch: Yup. Massive asshole
fuckyou7474765: thats quite rude. im just looking out for my hamster man. you gotta admit tho that it was a little bit funny
ChiSandTwitch: No. Its not funny at all. You were given a responsibility, and your lack of care, sympathy and work ethic is going to cost a load of people money, at a time when finances are tight as hell.
You've shown no remorse and have even suggested it's funny. You're a fucking Grade A dickhead mate. The fact you've even questioned that shows you're the kind of person that I'd fire on the spot.
fuckyou7474765: whats your problem with hamsters
InfiniteCalendar1: Dude, grow up. Now I’m wondering how you got that job in the first place.
fuckyou7474765: i lied about past experience in my application and they didnt check 😂😂
InfiniteCalendar1: That’s pathetic of you
fuckyou7474765: nah its smart, i got a great job with 0 effort XDD
Then-Place6620: And you very well may have lost that good job. Maybe you shouldn’t lie on your résumé, since you are not qualified for such a position.
| 14 | -0.428571 |
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1673173832 | 1673176124 | t3_106g39n | t5_2to41 | 387 | CapitalAnxious8395: TIFU by having sex
My boyfriend (21M) and I (20F) had a nice dinner tonight. It was spaghetti with garlic mushrooms in. I can drop the recipe, it doesn’t sound like much, but it was great. The issue was it had hot peppers in - the thing I was in charge of. I had chopped them very finely and spent about half an hour deseeding them. Washed my hands straight after.
We ate. We played Pokémon. We watched King of the Hill. Then we were just goofing around with each other, giving each other massages, playing night crawlers and whatnot, when playing quickly turned to making out. I put on some music and he dimmed the lights in his room. It was perfect.
We started touching each other. Then I got on top of him and started riding. It was going well until we needed some kind of lube. Now I’m not a fan of actual lube, I prefer spit because it doesn’t give me a UTI and I’m allergic to most lubricants. I spat on my hand, did the deed and got back on my steed. Burning. Really intense burning. It was like somebody had poured acid into my vagina. And he had it too. The burning. I got off. We both just lay there wincing in pain for a few minutes.
He started googling solutions while I was just writhing around in pain. Then he ushers me to the bathroom, making sure I’m not in too much pain. I could walk at least.
We washed ourselves. Didn’t help much. Water is not good for chillis no matter where they are. I tried peeing - maybe it would go away, the same way a jellyfish sting does. Nothing. He made me a make shift ice pack and held it between my legs as we hobbled back to his room. It soothed me, but there’s still a tingling.
Don’t have sex after eating hot food. Please, for the love of god, don’t.
TLDR: ate spicy food, had a spicy time, got spicy genitalia.
keyboardstatic: Your lucky you or he didn't have an allergic reaction.
We had an apprentice who chopped up hot chilli then went down to pee. He didn't wash his hands properly.
So his his penis swelled up bright red. He then touched his eyes when he started crying so his eye lids swelled shut and he couldn't see. He also touched his mouth at some point during all of this and his lips swelled up.
We had to call an ambulance. Its wasn't funny.
CapitalAnxious8395: Jeez that’s horrible! I didn’t know it could result in something like that. I’m glad you made sure the apprentice was okay, and I hope he recovered quickly!!
At the time for us, we found it funny but only because we haven’t had much luck with sex lately - something majorly inconvenient keeps happening that stops us.
keyboardstatic: Its funny if its a minor embarrassing incident. But yes some people can have bad allergic reactions to raw chill, peppers, does depend on how hot the chilli is as well.
Don't ever wipe your eyes after cutting up chilli's that cam be really painfull.
I glad you guys were OK.
Good luck next time. You know what they say practice makes perfect.
Ps make sure you drink more if your getting uti's and try using sterilising hand alcohol on your fingers and his be fore sex. And look at buying the stronger hand soaps. For him.
It might not be the lube,
But yes some lubricants are horrible. We like the wet stuff gold but it's an Australian brand so not sure if it's available in other places.
CapitalAnxious8395: Thank you!!
And we’ve tried a lot with our lube issues, but it’s because I’m allergic to aloe vera and I know a lot of them don’t have it but it’s so common. Plus I’m not sure if there’s anything else that’s similar that causes my reactions, I’ve had some awful experiences with certain soaps.
But yeah, with spit, I haven’t had a uti in like 2 months now which is great, considering I was getting them pretty much bi-weekly
keyboardstatic: Thats good my wife had a lot of problems with uti's. We found that using the alcohol sterilisation liquid on our hands made a big difference. Any way best of luck and happy new year.
CapitalAnxious8395: Aw thank you! Happy new year to you too!!
| 7 | 55.285714 |
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1673172984 | 1673187145 | t3_106fury | t5_2to41 | -5 | LeastTime8993: TIFU by breaking up with my girlfriend twice instead of telling her how I’m feeling
I(male 18) and my girlfriend(female 17) had been dating for 3 months and recently had been on winter break for one week(of two). I had noticed that things had become a little bit strained after we had our first fight about my lack of self-identity and how that could affect us in the future(theoretically). I had gotten into my own head and let my insecurities and abandonment issues kick in and began to suspect that she was holding a grudge when in reality things were just a bit sensitive since we had had our first fight. We reopened the topic and rather than confront her about what was on my mind, I broke up with her(over text no less). She immediately asked to call and we spent the next hour trying to work through what I had just done. Eventually, we decided to stay together, though she had admitted that all the trust she had in me was gone(there wasn’t much to begin with since she has trust issues due to past trauma).
Things were going very well for the next few days until we had gotten into another little argument(which was completely on me) and I had began to get nervous again. Afraid of getting hurt, and still bothered by the fact that she didn’t trust me anymore, I decided to end things, AGAIN. We called and things got pretty heated to the point where she had to hang up for 10 minutes to cool down. When she called again, she asked if I wanted to still be together and I(being the complete idiot that I am) said no rather than just tell her that I was feeling misunderstood and ignored(emotionally) as of late. She began to cry and called me an ass before hanging up.
I didn’t hear from her for the remainder of winter break and when we returned to school, things were so awkward and uncomfortable that we couldn’t even look one another in the eyes. There was nothing but pain on her face and all I could think about was running to my car and getting the hell out of there. The next day, she texted me while I was at work and asked if we could talk, which I agreed. We texted back and forth for hours about how we wanted to move forward but finally she asked to call me instead because she couldn’t read my tone and I was sounding like an asshole. We talked for even longer and realized that we both had very strong feelings for one another. I apologized to her for what I had done(twice) and told her that I did want to be with her but definitely didn’t deserve it at this point. I explained that I struggled with sharing my emotions but didn’t want to hide behind that excuse anymore and wanted to do better for her.
She gave it a lot of thought and we made an arrangement that I would get another chance but we would be starting from square one, as just friends and working our way back up. Even now, I know I don’t deserve to be with her and still have a lot of work to do to prove that I’m worth the risk of being hurt again. While I’ll admit, it has been extremely hard trying to be “just friends”, I know that this is part of the healing process and would rather go through a temporary adjustment state to make sure she feels completely safe and comfortable around me again. I love her very much and want to spend my life with her, and while I do have a few mistakes to pay for, I’ll be eternally grateful that she refused to give up on me, on us, through all of this.
TL;DR= Guys, get over yourselves and tell your partners what’s on your mind, because breaking up with them over and over again gets old real quick.
ohgeebus_notagain: You're an idiot
No_Court4000: asshole
Confident_Frosting95: Lol
| 4 | -1.25 |
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1673174705 | 1673204018 | t3_106gbp2 | t5_2to41 | 62 | fuckyou7474765: TIFU by thinking the snails in my backyard were trying to take over the world
Hey all,
I had a truly ridiculous moment today that I'm not sure I'll ever live down. I was high, and for some reason, I convinced myself that the snails in my backyard were planning a takeover of the world. I don't know where the thought even came from, but in my mind, it was completely real and justified.
So, like a complete idiot, I went on a rampage and killed as many snails as I could find. I must have gotten at least a few hundred of them. It wasn't until later, when I was sober, that I realized what a terrible thing I had done.
I feel absolutely terrible about it now. Snails may not be the most popular creatures, but they still deserve to live. And my ridiculous hallucination is no excuse for my actions. I don't know how to make things right, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to try and make amends.
I guess the lesson here is to never take drugs, especially if you're prone to ridiculous hallucinations. And always remember that all living beings deserve respect and the right to live.
Thanks for letting me share my story. I'm hoping that by being open and honest about my mistake, I can learn from it and do better in the future.
TL;DR: While high, I convinced myself that the snails in my backyard were planning a takeover of the world and killed a ton of them. Realized later that it was a ridiculous hallucination and I feel terrible about my actions.
KingGamer2357: You have a post history that is inconsistent. One you were 48m, another you were 24m. I don't really believe this post.
fuckyou7474765: me and my dad share this account
Equivalent-Cupcake62: with the username 'fuckyou'?
ScienceResponsible34: His dad is just a cool dude. Very hip.
Equivalent-Cupcake62: frfr 😆
| 6 | 10.333333 |
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1674915812 | 1674925761 | t3_10ng85b | t5_2to41 | 4,318 | IAmGroot0947: TIFU by having sex with my girlfriend while she had a tampon in
This literally just happened and we can’t stop laughing about it, but it wasn’t so funny in the moment.
I hadn’t seen my gf in a while and we went out for a fun night of cocktails with friends. Of course, Mother Nature is never on our side so it is her time of the month. No big deal.
We go out and have fun, come home, and get ready for bed. I wake up in the middle of the night and her nipple is showing, so I do what any normal man does, I get aroused and decide it’s sexy time.
She’s into it and we are having some fun exploring and having a bit of anal play. She decides she’s too lazy to get the lube, however, and just pushes me inside her. We have some hot sex, I finish, we crash in a pile of drunken ecstasy.
Fast forward to the morning and she comes out of the bathroom “I can’t get the tampon out. I can’t even feel it.” Mind you, my girl is a brilliant medical doctor, and at this point panic is setting in because she’s having flashbacks of septic shock cases from med school from this sort of thing. She’s equally concerned about having to go to the ER to have it removed.
I, having nothing to do with the medical field, do what all internet wizards do and look to Google for help. I then ask my Dr., now patient, not to fear, but to get me the lube and lay down on the bed. Begrudgingly, she does so. It’s me or a doctor friend and lots of embarrassment.
I lube her up and go in (not as hot as it sounds) No dice. I can’t feel the string. I ask her to lift her legs like she’s giving birth.
I get my fingers in up to the knuckle and feel the string. It slips my grasp at first, but I finally grab hold. Success!
For the rest of the day I’m to be addressed as doctor.
TL;DR by having sex with my girlfriend while she was wearing a tampon. I ultimately retrieved it and am now a hero.
revdre: A brilliant medical doctor???
Euffy: Weird thing to mention as well. Like us regular non-doctor people don't also know the dangers of Toxic Shock Syndrome? It's literally on the tampon box lol
BroccoliPrince: Shhh let the man hype up his girlfriend, it's cute
Euffy: If it was something else medical and less standard it would be cute. It's nice that he's in awe of his girlfriend, and she must be smart to be in med school, I'm not downplaying that.
I'm just a firm believer that guys should know about girl stuff and girls should know about guy stuff, particularly if it's something that could actually kill your partner...the kind of willful ignorance of that just makes me feel a bit...oof.
BroccoliPrince: It's pretty willfully ignorant of you to assume everyone gets good sex-ed, honestly. I knew a girl in college who thought she couldn't use tampons because it would mean she wouldn't be a virgin anymore. Not everyone is raised having good, healthy discussions about sex and bodily functions.
Euffy: Oh of course, I get that. I just hope those people then do their own research rather than sticking their heads in the sand or laughing about it.
One of the other comments here even said they didn't learn about it, and I tried to politely suggest that they might research if they know they've missed stuff and that got downvoted too! I guess I'm just coming across as a total ass...it's just kind of scary to think that people don't want to know about their bodies or their partners bodies or how to stay safe...like, I'm genuinely worried for people if they don't know what TSS is. Sexual health and anything around unwanted pregnancy is so important. I guess I've gone about it the wrong way but I really do just want people to be educated.
BroccoliPrince: People don't always know that they *need* to do further research, though? If you don't know that you don't know something, how are you meant to know you need to learn it? You don't know there's something to know.
On top of the almost paradoxical nature of expecting people to spontaneously know they need to learn things without prompting, theres the fact that for many people sex and sex ed are given extremely strong taboos while they're growing up. Asking questions, or even having a curiosity, can fill people with a deep sense of shame, of uncleanliness and impurity, for even having thought to be curious. A lot of people are raised in deeply conservative and deeply fundamentalist households where discussing these things and asking questions is *punished*, and unlearning that shame in adulthood is hard.
Have a bit of compassion for people who don't know what you know. Guide them gently to answers instead of acting like they're stupid for not having the opportunity to learn, yet.
Euffy: Yeah, that's fair enough.
I think I just got rubbed the wrong way by OP's little smiley face. Made it seem like he didn't care about learning or didn't want to learn, and then I overreacted.
BroccoliPrince: Happens to the best of us, but Reddit is brutal when someone seems to be getting a bit aggy, so forcing yourself to step back and think about your wording pays off y'know?
| 10 | 431.8 |
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1674918238 | 1674920985 | t3_10nh3n5 | t5_2to41 | 14 | Black_Electric: TIFU by making salsa and then using the bathroom.
Obligatory this happened about a year ago.
Girlfriend and I (27m) were getting ready to get settled in for movie night and sexy time. What goes great with movies? Chips and salsa of course! But we're not talking Pace or any of that other name brand crap in a jar, in this house when we eat salsa, we make it from scratch! (And normally set it out overnight to allow the flavors to fuse but this was short notice.)
So I assemble my ingredients, tomatoes, onions all the good stuff. Get to making the salsa, everything is going great, we are getting excited for the movie. I chop up the jalepenos real fine, toss it in a blender to get it all immulsified, and then serve it up and we are just about ready to get this date night started. Just need to take a quick bathroom break.
Now, I have messed up on numerous occassions before when cooking with hot peppers, going to rub an eye or similar and then wrything in pain from the burn. And I had liked to think that I had learned my lesson, avoided touching my eyes and usually being good about washing my hands immediately after handeling them. But, alas I still had one more lesson to learn.
I finished doing my business and then joined the GF on the couch. Finally, movie time. We started the movie, were enjoying the salsa, snuggled up for the night, life is good. Except, a few minutes in I started to notice a light tingling sensation from my penis. "Huh, this is wierd." I say to myself. "Probably nothing, don't want to interrupt date night further."
Well, tingiling turned into a light burning sensation, which turned into "Call the fire department, my dick is on fire." At this point my girlfriend noticed I was uncomfortable. "Is something wrong?" And in all my embarassment and pain, all I could manage was "Yeah my dick is burning."
I ran upstairs to the shower and for the next ten minutes proceeded to try and cool myself down whilst mentally beating myself up for allowing this to happen, my girlfriend laughing at the ordeal and reminding me that I'm always bad about being carefull when cooking with peppers. And that sexy time was of course off the table because my now Capsaicin-infused penis was not going anywhere near her.
PSA: Always wash your hands after cooking with peppers, or really any food at all.
TL;DR - I cooked with jalepenos, didn't wash my hands, used the bathroom, and then set my dick on figurative fire.
cooliskie: Alternatively you could wear gloves while cutting the peppers and then discard them, so there is nothing to worry about
Black_Electric: Also a valid alternative
| 3 | 4.666667 |
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1674919854 | 1675008387 | t3_10nhpf0 | t5_2to41 | 577 | [deleted]: TIFU by going above and beyond for a civilian drug screening and showing too much skin.
[deleted]
gathermewool: Did they at least have someone from the medical staff watch? We had watchers, but they were usually rando junior petty officers who stood behind and had no view of our privates. I mean penis, not the Army. With NWUs being so baggy, I can see cheating being extremely easy.
We also held the cup above our head while walking for some reason. The cup has our info on it, so swapping it out with someone shouldn’t have been a concern.
other_usernames_gone: Probably so you couldn't stash a clean vial on you and swap it out while they weren't looking.
If you planned it out beforehand you might be able to get a real pee cup and print your information on it before you came.
gathermewool: Man, you’d think that joining the military would convince you not to make dumb decisions in life.
rolyfuckingdiscopoly: What do you mean? Curiosu
gathermewool: Drugs
| 6 | 96.166667 |
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1673186558 | 1673200268 | t3_106jyy2 | t5_2to41 | 10 | sutkus85: TIFU by being an idiot and hurting my marriage deeply
About a year ago I had a heavy anxiety attack and created an alt writing the fears as if they already happened. The sympathy I got from that was soothing so I continued writing. To provoke more of that i kept inventing, making a quite dark picture of the hypothetical partner. Nothing was true, didn't even have my wife in mind while writing but the sympathy on that sub I was getting was nice. I thought that people would look through it but they still believed it. I noticed that people thought I was a woman (I wrote as genderless as possible) which gave me the idea that it might be a good story so I kept writing. I didn't even feel bad as it wasn't about my wife, anonymous and was made up anyway.
At one point I received a funny pic from my wife. After commenting I noticed that it was by that alt account so I deleted it but not quick enough. Seeing the love of my life in tears because of me was the worst thing I've ever seen. I love her so much and never meant to hurt her. I can't imagine what she went through while reading all that crap. I just hope that i didn't lose her love. I do deserve all the hate. It was a very stupid thing to do. Wronged her so deeply. Should have told her about what I was doing. I'm a massive idiot.
TLDR: TIFU by inventing and maintaining a situation that wasn't true and hurting my wife deeply with that once she found out.
thebuzzhut: go to a therapist for pathological lying and narcissist tendencies. (not hate)
AwkwardSquirtles: Wow, if you need to go to therapy for writing fiction in TIFU and subs like it, then we're going to run out of therapists real fast.
thebuzzhut: no its the fact he wrote that without thinking about his real life partner that could see that. and also that it made him feel better to lie for so long, both traits of narcissism and of pathological lying.
| 4 | 2.5 |
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1674909560 | 1674997402 | t3_10ne52c | t5_2to41 | 23 | 84926200: TIFU by going back to my abuser
[removed]
alangraham: So … you tell your parents that this person abused you, took photos of you, and is now blackmailing you with those photos… then
… your parents response is to FIRST punish you and THEN speak to the police.
I’m sorry for you, OP, that is so messed up.
Your parents have failed to handle this at all correctly, and are probably making this situation worse.
I wish I had some advice but all I can think is that you need to speak to trauma professionals about this, and help you come to terms with what has happened. If your parents won’t do that now, get help as soon as you’re adult and can afford it.
84926200: i appreciate that. moving out is something i want to happen but i don’t think i could ever bear to not have them both in my life, even though i’ve been told that they repeatedly “abuse” me mentally. my partner says i should seek help but i don’t think i’m ready yet
alangraham: You’ll know when you’re ready.
Whatever you do, so long as you’re doing it for your benefit don’t be too concerned.
| 4 | 5.75 |
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1673190624 | 1673243765 | t3_106lgm6 | t5_2to41 | 121 | [deleted]: Tifu by raping my nephew
[deleted]
TrumpsBoneSpur: Firstly, if this IS real, call the police immediately to report the rape and no need to continue reading.
Secondly, I don't believe this story because it just sounds like a bad porn video plot.
1. If it was true, why would you post it to THIS sub? You obviously didn't fuck up, so it just seems like you are trying to get some sympathy karma from the shock value.
2. Why would you title it that you raped your nephew, when you didn't?
3. You said that he kissed you on NYE and you couldn't stop crying, but when he "fingered you" with your sister in the other room but you were ok enough that she left him alone with you?
4. He assaulted you, and then you got tired and fell asleep so deeply that you didn't realize you were being raped?
Again, if this is real, the police should be involved. Otherwise, rape is no joke and not something to joke about for karma
chelsfacekilla: I don’t believe it’s real, if you go to the profile of the OP there are a bunch of random posts.
akaKinkade: The only detail that might be real is op having BPD.
babybluefish: that's the part I doubt most
| 5 | 24.2 |
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1674922324 | 1674940571 | t3_10ninmm | t5_2to41 | 17 | NotGermanTho: TIFU by losing my airbnb keys and getting locked out at 3 am in the rain
ok so for context i'm 18, AFAB and brazilian. i arrived in london at the start of january on vacation from college and was super excited to go to this cool indie music club. i get dressed up and take my wallet, phone and keys all in my coat pocket since i haven't got a purse. it's a quite long bus ride from my airbnb to the club but when i got there it was super worth it. i was having the time of my life, there was this group of very nice lads who were paying for all my drinks, so i just kept going. it started getting really hot so i take off my coat and place it on a sofa nearby, taking only my wallet & phone and tucking them inside my pants. i figured the keys were safe in the pockets....mistake. after many drinks i got pissed drunk and the guys i had met were wanting to leave. i was dizzy and nauseated and wanted to dip as well, so i go get my coat. touch both pockets - nothing of my keys. "it must have fallen off!" i think, so i try to search with my phone flashlight under the sofa in the darkness of the club. nothing. i start thinking i really fucked up. so now there i am almost falling over kneeling down on a drink/broken glass covered floor desperatly searching in the dark for the one think that would mean i'd get home that night. at one point some people asked what happened and i was about to answer when i felt i had to throw up IMMEDIATELY. the dialogue went like
"have you lost something? are you okay?"
"oh yeah i just lost my......gh..keyssssscuse me for a second."
i ran to the bathroom and managed to throw up in the toilet, at least keeping a bit of my dignity. at this point i figure i better just wait for when the lights would be turned on to search for the damned keys again.
4 am the staff turn the lights back on and i get to searching again and THE KEYS FUCKING EVAPORATED. we search the whole place, behind every sofa, in every hole, nothing. absolutely nothing. at this point i'm just exausted so i accept defeat and decided to just try going home.
as i get out it's pouring. i at least have my coat so i make a run for the bus stop and as soon as i'm in the bus i fall asleep in an instant and very heavily. if it wasn't for my kind bus driver waking me up i would have ended up in another country.
anyways, i get out, still raining, and i really need to piss. like, DESPERATELY. it's 4 am and everything's closed and i'm locked out of the house because of the stupid magically disappearing keys. i decided to just find a dark corner of the park and relieve myself.
i finally get to the front door of my airbnb and while i knew my host lived there as well, it was 5 am and i REALLY didn't want to wake her up just to tell her "haha so......i lost your keys <3" so i sent her a message and just stood there. in the rain. for about an hour.
after waking up and reading it she finally let me in. i apologized many many times and collapsed on the warmth of my bedroom.
now i've paid 20 quid for the new keys, got her telling me in her british passive-aggressive-polite way that "what i did was a bit silly" and am totally traumatized going out and i check if my keys are still in my pocket every 3 seconds. NEVER AGAIN.
&#x200B;
TL;DR : got really drunk at a party. keys fell off my pocket into narnia. was locked out of my airbnb at 3am and had to piss in a park.
seankearns: AFAB without an explanation just made me realize how old I am.
Sorry you got locked out.
I need to go lie down.
AliasFaux: what the fuck is AFAB?
NotGermanTho: assigned female at birth
AliasFaux: but no longer female? (your business, not prying, if you want to say "piss off", completely understood)
NotGermanTho: oh haha dw! in my case it's just because i identify as non binary, but didn't see it as relevant for the post. it's just an internety way of saying i have a female body
AliasFaux: 10-4. Thanks for the info!
| 7 | 2.428571 |
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1673192952 | 1673238182 | t3_106mcu7 | t5_2to41 | 5,781 | ImThe1Wh0: TIFU by wearing my robe and sweat pants to go to the bathroom
SCENE: Early morning, Midwest America, Zero Dark o'clock
I get up to go use the bathroom. It's cold, I put on my sweat pants to go pee, still cold, I grab my bathrobe and put it on. My first mistake was not closing the bathrobe and leaving it open. After all... Why should I? Something like what's about to happen NEVER happened to me before EVER and I'm simply going to wear my robe for a min, take it off and then go back to bed. I'm standing there, legs spread, doing my business.
ENTER: the culprit quietly enters
My sweat pants are pushed down low with the tie straps dangling, the robe tie dangling and also my berries if you catch my drift. I finish peeing and do my shaking, causing all 3 items to of course, jiggle. This jiggling sealed my Doom.
My 6 months old kitten had snuck into the darkness and was watching me pee directly in front of me. The jiggling of the items caused him to leap into action...
And get caught on my balls. There he was, dangling from them, one claw (thank the gods) trapped on my scrotum, as I began bucking him off like I was a bull at a rodeo and he was holding on like he was going to set a record. I was able to get him off after 3 seconds but let me tell you, it felt like the cosmos took eons to align for that to happen first.
Thankfully he missed the actual ball itself and was stuck on the stretchy sack part. I managed to remain quiet during the altercation vocally but not physically. I got back to bed and my wife wanted to know if I was ok because it sounded like I was fighting off an intruder in the bathroom.
I'm ok now but it feels like I knicked my balls shaving but worse
TLDR:
jiggled my balls in front of my kitten unintentionally going to the bathroom and he jumped up and latched on
Update: my wife says "OMG you told Reddit?!" Yeah... "WHY?!" because it's funny...
Also, my gentlemen seem fine. We're aware of cat scratch fever. Just that 1 nut sorta stings still but there is no visible mark or anything to determine where the wound is. It just... hurts but I appreciate y'all's concern over a worrisome infection
AcrobaticSource3: I learned a lot about male anatomy from this post
3laws: If you're comfortable, next time you hook up ask the penis owner to let you explore it. We (mostly) are cool about it.
GLaDOSisapotato: My girlfriend likes to flick it to see it bounce
SEND_ME_GAY_FURRY: Does she also like how the balls move on their own based on how warm/cold they are?
ninetyninewyverns: what. they do that???
SEND_ME_GAY_FURRY: Yeah, the cremaster muscle raises/lowers the testes to keep them at the optimal temperature for sperm creation. So if you whip out your balls and blow cold air on them, they'll slowly draw themselves in closer to your body for example.
-xpaigex-: “Drop your pants babe” “huh…?why?” “I want to blow air on your balls and watch them squirm” - I know damn well I am going to do this when I see my boyfriend… I’ve felt them shift around but damn it I have to experiment now xD
SEND_ME_GAY_FURRY: Another trick is to trigger the cremasteric reflex, by lightly stroking his inner thigh from the hip to his knee. It'll make the cremaster muscle contract on the side you stroked, lifting one of his testes.
-xpaigex-: Yeah, my boyfriend is going to hate you for all of these new experiments I will have… but it’s just so fascinating. Completely different anatomy than I will never have, but people have it and it’s just wild how different lady bits are from penises and testicles. The curiosity of the unknown. What a crazy thing.
| 10 | 578.1 |
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1674937819 | 1674941756 | t3_10nopi8 | t5_2to41 | 7 | Suspicious-Impact-55: TIFU by being oblivious
[removed]
GabrieltheGabe: My immediate reaction is to say no to things. I've realized people are quite okay with you taking a few seconds to think before responding to a request to join them.
Suspicious-Impact-55: Yeah completely mate I think that was me, I should have taken that 1 second
| 3 | 2.333333 |
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1674938995 | 1675019299 | t3_10np676 | t5_2to41 | 36 | Ingegner-Cane: TIFU by getting involved with a communist group, all because of a girl
Ok, I'm gonna preface that I'm not a native English speaker so bear with me.
The other day I was walking around at my university hunting for some coffee, and at some point, I was approached by a girl with some flyers about something, I wasn't paying attention so I politely declined and went on to the coffee machine.
On my way back I was in a considerably better mood, because of coffee, and was approached again by the same girl with the flyers. She asked if I changed my mind and at this point, I noticed that she seemed cute/nice, so I gave up and listened to her. She was part of a charity group that gives food to poor households in need. Now charity work is cool but I never got involved, and generally speaking, working in social environments is not my thing, I'm fairly inept socially speaking. At that moment I thought that it could be a chance to get out of my comfort zone and meet some new people, so I told her that I would consider it. She asked for my number and at this point, I didn't feel like refusing so I obliged.
Fast forward a few days and I get a call from a girl, not sure if it was the same girl since I didn't remember her name. Anyway, she tells me that they were going to set up the food distribution thing on X day, and asked if I was still in on the thing. At this point, I was again in a considerably better mood because I passed my last exam before graduation, so I was just like "sure let's do it, it's gonna be cool".
Fast forward again to X day and it's raining. Got another call and the girl asked me if I wanted a lift by car. The place wasn't very far and was planning on walking but bad weather so I accepted. Got a bit surprised when in the car there was a dude but nothing major. Introduced ourselves and a few minutes later, while he was driving he casually says something like "you know that we are [notorious communist group fairly popular among university students] right?". I had no idea. And I told him. He didn't think too much of it and I wasn't sure either. We chit-chat a bit and at some point, he randomly asks who I voted for in the last elections. I answered. He wasn't impressed.
Him: "So you're a pro-European?"
Me: "Yeah"
Silence.
By the time we got to the place we had talked about a bunch of things but still, the situation was weird. I helped around carrying the bags of food and some other stuff, meanwhile, I got introduced to a bunch of people, some my age (24) and some much older. Even met the girl that got me into that situation and some others too (plenty of girls I noticed, don't judge me yet). For a while, we had a lovely chat, and all was good, sure from time to time they would start talking about communist theory, very passionately I would say, overall I would say it was fairly interesting, but still I'm not a communist and probably they were trying to get me into it. Also, they had a strong opinion about the recent development of the west sending tanks to Ukraine: they're against it, and I'm heavily in favor but kept that to myself.
At some point we split up and were supposed to go around handing out flyers... and their self-printed newspaper that talks about world events and stuff from their perspective. Now, this kinda bothered me but decided to go along with it. So I got to spend three hours or so going around with this new girl to publicize the food distribution thing... and doing some propaganda for the group, not great. All in all, I had a good time with the girl (wasn't interested in her that way, to be clear) but she would randomly lecture me on communism, which always reminded me that I wasn't supposed to be there. To be fair I ended up only carrying the newspapers and flyers while she did the talking, and she was pretty annoyed by that no doubt, even said so out loud. Kinda felt bad at the end so offered her a coffee and bought one of the newspapers, said goodbye and that was it.
Now I know that I should pull out, but a part of me wants to go again next week (they're probably going to call me anyway) just to interact with the people, there was even a girl in particular that I hit it off with and I'm still thinking about it. So yeah I'm just starved of human interactions. Not a great story I know but by my standards, it was very eventful.
TL;DR: got involved with a fringe political group, that kinda tricked me into it, just to stay around some girls.
arlondiluthel: As long as you didn't do/don't do anything illegal, there's no harm in learning about different ideologies.
TheLeftHandedCatcher: Well it depends on what country the OP lives in. From their rather scant post history, it seems they live in Italy. For most of Italy's post-WWII history, being associated with communists would probably not have garnered any sort of adverse attention, but lately idk.
arlondiluthel: This is true. Certain countries actively suppress certain ideologies. This is part of why I prefaced my statement with "as long as you didn't do/don't do anything illegal".
TheLeftHandedCatcher: Well I'm American and I can remember a time when being associated with any self-identified communist organization could have caused you serious trouble. For the last 30 years this has been way less of an issue, unless one assumes that being a communist implies support for the government or policies of the PRC that has become quite the bogeyman as of late.
Interesting though that this group seems to have pro-Russian sympathies. Interesting given that today's Russia isn't really "communist" so I don't know but that would concern me way more than the "communist" aspect, but then I really have no idea what sort of political groups are active at W. European universities (I believe the people involved are uni students) the only such people I know personally are conservative Catholics lol.
arlondiluthel: I'm also American, and yes there was a time where being associated with Communists was "problematic", but not strictly illegal. Also, I find it humorous that many Americans seem to equate Communism as anti-democracy, when it's actually anti-Capitalist. Personally, I think that system built to be purely Communist has too many issues, but also a system built to be purely Capitalist has too many issues as well.
I'm personally in favor of the concept of universal basic income. We keep trying to toot our own horn, claiming to be the "best, wealthiest, most powerful nation", when too many people, including *war veterans* are homeless. There's no logical reason for the US to have a homelessness problem beyond pure greed. Same goes for malnourishment.
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1674939408 | 1675020094 | t3_10npc0a | t5_2to41 | 6,637 | [deleted]: TIFU by promising a homeless man a meal & not being able to deliver it.
[deleted]
Nearby_Landscape3451: You sound like a very caring person. Don't worry about it though he is probably fine. I'm homeless but I can't bring myself to panhandle. I never could. I live a garage most nights with no door. And I get food stamps. Showers are the main concern. But it's near impossible to find a job living like that and never having money for the bus. The people who panhandle do very well. They live in hotels or cars and eat out every day. They don't seem to have trouble asking people to their face for things that take guts. And Franky some of them are ruthless advantagists. I don't have the nerve to talk to people or stand on a corner. He forgives you and will have no trouble getting meals from people. I suffer in silence and it makes me feel for all those that can't do what the panhandlers and beggers do. Running into them they always act nice but turn vicious and ungrateful if you can't help them sometimes. Sometimes they are great people and just not shy like I am. But the people that stand on corners never have much trouble.
Falconflyer75: If you don’t mind my asking, I heard some people just take a cheap gym membership to get access to a shower, I dunno if you get wellfare but that might be a way to start
At least you can keep clean and spend your time in a library or something
Nearby_Landscape3451: I spend almost all my time at a library. Welfare is for mother's and family's. And I don't have a worthwhile case to chase for disability or social security. I'm trying to work but not having bus money or a place to get clean really makes that hard. Id rather struggle through the hoops to keep a job and be there on time and be clean a million times more then trying panhandling. But I might be forced too. The thought literally bothers me. It's easier to walk to the library and sleep outside and be dirty then to do it and have money for a hotel. But I might have to suffer through it to get clothes a gym membership and bus pass so I can actually get the job. Because it's starting to look like without the money to maintain myself and travel I won't ever have a job. Even when the winter ends and it's easier to survive.
Falconflyer75: So they don’t give you anything at all? I always thought they gave something, Have you tried go fund me ? Or a shelter?
Nearby_Landscape3451: The shelter is a worse place than sleeping in a shed because everyone their is on drugs mentally ill and a lot of times violent or just bad people. They let you come in at 9pm and kick you out at 7am and they make noise all night. And anything you have even if you lock it up ends up stolen. I thought Patreon is for YouTube. I have a cashapp I think for my bank account to get paid through direct deposit when I find a job.
Falconflyer75: If you’d like you can set up a patreon account and I’ll try to get it shared by some influencers and make a small donation myself, I’d like to see you get your life back
Nearby_Landscape3451: That would be very nice of you thank you. Its Sunday so the librarys closed I'm connected to a really spotty WiFi even sending this message I'll have to click send 50 times and it says cannot send. Ill make one for sure thank you. There's no bus or library today so I am stuck doing nothing.
Falconflyer75: I would suggest lookin into local job agencies, some of them loan you clothes to make you look more presentable
Try to make a plan so that you don’t waste time going in circles in the bus
Nearby_Landscape3451: Ive been through every agency in the city there are no resources. I have been to job and family, you can call 211, theres a food grocery that gives away rotten vegetables, I've been to the health department. Our city has almost no funding for help. There's nowhere to get clothing donations. I've gotten a case worker through job and family and a mental health and job placement agency near me. I was able to track down a free phone but the service cut off so they wouldn't be able to call me. I can get a job within a week no problem by applying and going to temp agencys. I just have noway to get there and there are no clothing resources or any place to get clean or a haircut.
Falconflyer75: How much would it take to make that happen?
Nearby_Landscape3451: I wouldn't ask you for it. Maybe I could make a Patreon like you said. I can add it up real quick man but it would probably be like 200 something not including glasses. I have a pair that's close enough to my prescription
Nearby_Landscape3451: There's a bus pass thats 55, clothes idk what they would cost maybe 60 I can get a gym membership for 60. A haircuts 20. I can't bring myself to ask one person for that.
Falconflyer75: 200 huh, I could spare that if it could make a difference, as long as you use it try and get a job
Let me know when the patreon or gunfund me is made
Nearby_Landscape3451: Thank you. Someone else saw this and just gave me 20. All I have for banking is a cashapp. Idk if I can connect a go fund me or Patreon I will see. Thank you very much. I can get a job easy with a little resources. I'll see if I can use cashapp to make one now.
| 15 | 442.466667 |
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1674941368 | 1674944094 | t3_10nq3nh | t5_2to41 | 7 | Low-Trainer-947: TIFU by learning a cipher
Minor fuck up but I still feel bad.
So this started many months ago. I decided I wanted to learn how to write in code so I could encode things. So I found this think on tiktok (greenrune if you're interested) that just looks like crazy weird symbols. I was alone at work so I filled up whole pages practicing this written language, in the same way you'd do with any other language you're learning.
I forgot to dispose of it tho. So at work there are these notebooks just full of me writing in this weird ass language that looks kind of fucking scary.
So we're doing spring cleaning today. New manager is going through the notebooks to make sure there isn't anything important and I forgot about my writing in there. So he opens the notebook to find just pages or seemingly demonic symbols. Poor guy freaks out. He starts making jokes about it but I can tell he's nervous. He asks me if I know anything.
I lie. Of course I lie! I'm not gonna fess up to writing in a strange demonic language.
So my boss took that notebook all the way out to the dumpster and just keeps saying that's why the store is haunted and idk how to admit that it was just me. Learning a written code.
I will never admit to it. That would make me seem strange.
TLDR; I learned a written code that looks demonic, boss found my practice papers that I forgot to throw away, and now thinks one of the old team members cursed the store. When really, it was just me.
TheCrassDragon: Pretty sure I remember this verbatim from years ago, anybody else?
Low-Trainer-947: Ah apologies! I didn't realize someone had a similar experience lol
| 3 | 2.333333 |
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1674941464 | 1675004054 | t3_10nq50i | t5_2to41 | 1,034 | Emergency-Nail-9921: TIFU by taking /way/ too much acid and having a naked breakdown on campus
This happened way back in 2018. I was finishing up my Sophomore year of college, only one final exam left, and I decided to celebrate by taking some acid.
I had done acid maybe 8-9 times before, so I wasn't a total noob, but I was by no means an expert. Up until this point, all my experiences had been great, nothing even resembling a bad trip.
I took 3 tabs, 100µg each, which is not exactly a small dose, and sat down at my computer to listen to some music and play some games. I did that for a couple of hours, and then I decided to lay down in my bed. This is where things started to get weird. I was laying down looking up at the ceiling, when suddenly it was like my vision zoomed out, and I was looking at 4 copies of what I was seeing, organized in a grid. It kept zooming out, and I was seeing dozens, hundreds of copies of what I was seeing. I thought I was seeing the multiverse, each item in the grid was my perspective from a different world.
Then, the universe started talking to me. It was telling me the secrets of how the universe works, and it's purpose. And at this point, for some reason, something became very clear to me...
I needed to take more acid.
Now I didn't have a super regular supply, so I had decided to pickup 10 tabs at once, planning to use them over the course of a couple years. I started this day with 10, I had already taken 3, so naturally I walked over to my drawer and popped the other 7 into my mouth.
Time was a little blurry at this point, so it could have been 2 minutes, it could have been 20, but I had a moment of sober clarity where I realized I had 7 tabs in my mouth, and I was like.... oh fuck, this isn't good, this is a situation. I spit them out, but I knew the damage was already done. I just thought to myself, what's done is done, just gonna have to ride it out, how bad could it be right?
Well the universe kept talking to me, and at this point I was so excited about the revelations I was being given that I'm pretty sure I was screaming quite loudly in my dorm room. My memory gets pretty blurry from here on out, but I remember screaming "I sound like a crazy person", and I remember some time later thinking "lol I've lost my mind." I don't remember being scared that I had lost my mind, it felt like I was more amused.
From here on out I only really have flashes of memories.
I remember opening the door of the guy across the hall from me, and let me tell you he was not happy to see me. That might have something to due with the fact that I'm pretty sure I was completely naked by this point. I think I had gotten hot and stripped off my clothes, but I'm not exactly sure about that because I don't remember taking my clothes off at all.
The next thing I remember is slapping the hand rail on the staircase outside of my dorm building. I was definitely 100% naked by this point, and outside of my dorm is right next to a very heavily trafficked bridge on campus.
Some time after that, my RA came up to me and said something like "What seems to be happening tonight?" At this point I was naked, screaming completely incoherent nonsense, and also screaming what I must've thought was my name, but was definitely not my name. (If my name were John Dick Smith, I was shouting "MY NAME IS JOHN DICK THE THIRD"). My poor fucking RA.
Eventually an ambulance arrives, and they handcuff me and put me on a stretcher. I remember a couple of flashes, but it's really all a blur until I woke up in a hospital room. I definitely wasn't sober yet, considering the drapes were alive, but I was re-gaining consciousness and I can actually remember what happened from here on. I mainly slept, not much else to do when you're handcuffed to a bed, but eventually I woke up and asked the nice nurses if they could remove my restraints.
They did, and as soon as they left the room I, naturally, immediately pulled out my own IV. I was still hallucinating, and I was seeing thousands of those octopus killer robots from the Matrix traveling down my IV and into me. But I was also coming back to reality enough to know immediately I had done something I probably shouldn't have. A nurse came back and was looking at a chart or something so they didn't notice, so I went, "Uhh... I think... I think I did something." and the nurse started saying "Oh that's okay as long as you don't take out..." and then she looked up and saw me holding the IV. She looked /so/ disappointed in me, it broke my heart. She trusted me and took off my restraints and it took me maybe 60 seconds to make her regret her decision. I think she just left without saying anything else
The was pretty much the end of the excitement. When I sobered up campus police took me back to my dorm. The next day I was barred from campus pending a decision on what to do with me (I was ultimately suspended for a year). Not being able to get to campus I missed my last final exam and got an incomplete for the entire course. Ultimately I decided not to go back because my entire breakdown happened next to a very prominent walkway on campus, and dozens, if not hundreds of people certainly saw me completely naked. I couldn't handle the idea of walking into classes and playing the "has this professor seen my penis" game.
If anyone reading this saw my penis, I am so sorry, let me know in the comments, and please remember it was New York and very cold.
TLDR: Took acid, learned the secrets of the universe, took way more acid, got naked, started screaming, bothered my next door neighbor, went outside, started screaming my name (almost), talked to my RA, got handcuffed and taken to the hospital, ripped out my own IV, and got suspended for a year.
Ancient_Klutz: Honestly what the fuck did I just read
Hilarious
But what the fuck
Emergency-Nail-9921: This is basically exactly what I thought when I got back to my dorm room from the hospital. What the fuck just happened? I mean, it was wild and sort of awesome, but what the fuck
Ancient_Klutz: Honestly you were lucky that the punishment wasn't more stringent imo a guy at my uni got expelled for setting off fireworks on a street
freeman5117: This might be an unpopular opinion, but actually I think it's kind of fucked to even be expelled for 6 months over something like this... I mean, it's not like OP killed or injured anyone, deliberately exposed himself to a minor, etc. A month or two at most for disturbing public order would have done. Regarding fireworks, expulsion is more or less justified actually, because they can start a fire with potentially far more severe consequences.
Ancient_Klutz: If you can be imprisoned for something you have done (public indecency) I think permanent expulsion is pretty justified tbh, plus the meds handcuffed him so they thought he was a danger to at least someone
Emergency-Nail-9921: I could’ve run into traffic or something. I think it was less that I was dangerous and more that they needed to get me in the ambulance and I was totally uncooperative
raz0rflea: That makes sense...acid doesn't make people violent or destructive as a general rule, but it can make you do some dumbass shit because common sense goes bye bye.
Someone froze all our cutlery in a block of ice as a prank once and my housemate had to stop me from putting it in the microwave to thaw it out lol...except he was tripping hard as well so all he could do was say MICROWAVE BAD over and over till I got it. And that was on a couple tabs, 10 would break my brain! You're lucky you got out of it aa well as you did all things considered!
Rtyano: Lmao "MICROWAVE BAD"
| 9 | 114.888889 |
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1674943989 | 1674991342 | t3_10nr46r | t5_2to41 | 61 | HawKe_xbox: TIFU by thinking a stranger was my girlfriend.
To set the scene, me (24M) and my girlfriend (23F), have been together for about a year and a half. We live in a relatively busy part of London, and both travel to central London for work; as we both work 9-5s we usually catch the same train together. On a normal day, we get on the train, get of at our stop, and walk our different ways. After we have finished work, she usually waits outside the train station for me (because she works slightly closer to the station), and then after that we go to the train and go home.
So yesterday, for the first half of the day, everything was going normally. We took the train, we got off, and went our separate ways. However, when I had finished work, i walked the usual route to the station which takes me over the river. At this time of year, it is generally dark by the time I walk home, she always waits in the same spot next to the entrance of the station. So naturally, as i am walking towards the station I look to see which person is her, I thought i saw her in her usual spot, facing the opposite direction. I walked up to her, and put my arm round her as you do. I soon realised that i had made a mistake as this 35-year-old lady turned around at me, I cannot describe the shock that was on my face when she turned round, Suddenly everybody looked at me in that way you do when something weird happened whilst trying not to laugh. I immediately took my hands away and apologised whilst thinking about what i had just done. Afterwards, I laughed about it while talking to my girlfriend. but deep down I will remember the embarrassment that i had to endure. In future, check who people are before you grab them.
TL:DR I fucked up by putting my arm round a stranger thinking it was my girlfriend.
AcrobaticSource3: “Sorry 35-year old woman, I mistook you for my 23-year old girlfriend...you are fiiiiiiiiine!”
HawKe_xbox: it was the hair that fooled me
| 3 | 20.333333 |
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1674945855 | 1674949027 | t3_10nrtxb | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: TIFU by mistaking our Cat Doctors number for a local Ace Hardware.
[deleted]
Devi1_May_Cry: So you wanted more work but for free from the same vet office you think did negligent work in the first place?
If I found a worm in my burger at Wendy's, I wouldn't go back to demand another burger.
TSZod: > So you wanted more work but for free from the same vet office you think did negligent work in the first place?
I wanted them to run the proper follow-up test for confirmation that they *should* have done. Rather than go to a new vet and spend nearly $1,000 I cannot afford to re-do the whole process.
Generally speaking, businesses try to do the right thing when they have done something wrong. Seeing if they will go that route.
Devi1_May_Cry: Fair enough.
TSZod: Ultimately yeah though, if they fail to remedy it I will be forced to a new office it's just my selection is extremely limited.
| 5 | 3.4 |
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1674946692 | 1675064780 | t3_10ns57m | t5_2to41 | 441 | [deleted]: TIFU: Said something hateful to my husband
[deleted]
great_auks: >When our kid was a newborn it was all me though. It was me changing the diapers and me feeding throughout the night and me trying to keep up on everything with the kid and everything else. I very clearly remember that but it’s been 7 years almost and it doesn’t matter now.
&#x200B;
>I didn’t mean it.
I can't see how both of these can be true. If you feel that way you did mean it, you just feel bad you said it.
[deleted]: I suppose that is true. He did change some diapers and he did feed our kid when they were a baby. But it was definitely mostly me. However my issue is that I shouldn’t have said it regardless. It was mostly unprovoked. I said it out of spite and anger for today and for mostly no reason. He didn’t directly say something offensive to me but I guess I took offense because he said he buys our son the best things but I took it as them saying I don’t provide for our kid too.
psibomber: What's wrong with it being mostly you, if he still helped out? I feel like television programming, social media, and entertainment tries to drop these points of contention to make both men and women really angry and discontent about nothing.
It's harmful to marriages, it's harmful to co-parenting, and it's created a lot of hurt and abuse to kids and the adults they grow up into.
You aren't in a race to provide, and you aren't in a race to change the most diapers. Every couple can work something out that makes them the most content.
hmbritt: Hmmm... She didn't specify whether she was a stay-at-home mom or not. If she was a stay-at-home mom, I suppose there's nothing wrong with it being mostly her... However, if she's also working too, (which nowadays a good portion of mothers are) then that's what's wrong with it. If both parents are working then he should have gotten his ass up in the middle of the night and helped too!
And breastfeeding moms have it worse, not only do they go to work, during breaks, they have to pump their milk for the baby, instead of enjoying and relaxing their break.
Eldryanyyy: Or because women get maternal leave, and fathers get nothing, so even if they both have jobs the system gives mothers more time with the baby.
ProbablyNotADuck: This isn't true in many countries at this time.
Men can get parental leave a lot of places, and, usually, the length of time that can be taken off for a new child (whether that child was birthed or adopted) can be split between either parent.
Eldryanyyy: In the vast, vast majority of countries the law gives women more time. I can’t think of a single country where it’s equal.
Men often get one month in western countries. In asia, my colleagues have been at work when their wife gave birth.
ProbablyNotADuck: Canada. Either parent is able to take the leave. Mom or dad. It doesn’t matter which parent takes it; they can even split it. All that matters is they cannot go beyond the allotted amount of time.
You have never heard of Canada?
This is also the same in the UK. Finland as well. Lithuania. Japan. Sweden. Estonia. Iceland. Slovenia. Norway….
Editing to add: also, it makes sense, regardless, that the person giving birth is the one to get time off no matter what because a baby only exits the body through two ways… both of which require recovery time. Even for easy births, there’s still soreness and blood for days. One of my friends tore so badly that she wasn’t even able to walk for a week and a half, and it took her nearly two months to return to a pace that was more than a shuffle.
Eldryanyyy: In japan that is not the case. I worked in japan last year, and know firsthand that women are allotted more than men. It sounds like half your post is likely BS. I can’t be arsed to check, but even if the rest of your countries listed are accurate, that is about 2.5% of the world’s population.
As I said, in the vast majority of the world, women get more time than men…
Time off for maternity leave is not related to any pregnancy injury. It’s longer than typical recovery times. So, the edit is irrelevant.
ProbablyNotADuck: https://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2022/04/04/national/social-issues/child-care-leave-law-amendment/
So you talked to HR and got all of the nuances? Or you just made assumptions based on what you saw? Because I seriously doubt you spent a lot of time with new parents discussing how they planned to allocate their leave. Because law grants either parent in Japan leave. Way to not know what you’re talking about.
You know that there are also countries that don’t even give any time off, right? And that in countries where there aren’t specific guidelines, it is up to employers to determine policies. Was I supposed to go over labour laws for all 195 countries in the world? If I don’t, are you just going to continue to try to claim I have no argument?
Eldryanyyy: The law you’re discussing wasn’t only passed recently, but holds little ground in japan where building relationships at work trumps legal technicalities. Most men still won’t take the leave, or face consequences, while women will not face those consequences.
China offers 98 days to women, up to 15 days for men depending on wife age.
India offers 26 weeks maternity leave, 0 paternity leave.
That’s almost 50% of the world right there. Compared to your 2%. Satisfied?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_leave
You can see the times of each country under ‘by continent’.
ProbablyNotADuck: Yes. Reference China and India…. Two countries known for their high quality labour laws and excellent working conditions. That will definitely prove your point.
Eldryanyyy: I left the Wikipedia with every country’ policy listed. Essentially 0% have equal leave.
ProbablyNotADuck: Your statement was fathers get nothing. I said this is not true in many countries. I provided examples of multiple countries where parental leave, inclusive of leave for fathers, is provided. I supported my argument, which showed your argument (that fathers receive nothing) is inaccurate when it comes to multiple countries and is continuing to improve.
Great job.
Also, maternity leave may not have to do with recovery time, but it sure as hell has a lot to do with practicality. Men don’t lactate. Formula is expensive. Uptake on parental leave by men is still slow (which is what that japanese article was about.. it wasn’t new policy; it was about promoting existing policy so more men use it by requiring companies to make sure they reiterate it to men). There are so many countries where women aren’t even seen as people still.. where they aren’t able to drive, or their wardrobes are dictated, or they can’t get a quality education… and you’re using those countries, the ones that are forcing women into a role that solely exists to procreate, as examples of how men are hard done by because they don’t get equal leave after a woman gives birth.
We do need to promote equality for parental leave because it equally impacts women who would prefer to return to work… but we need to promote equality in general and not penalizing for taking leave. Because, guess what, it is still damaging to a woman’s career if she is off for a year raising kids.
Eldryanyyy: No… your argument falls short.
Because maternity leave is so much longer, the mom will be with the baby while the father gets nothing. I said this because it means that the scenario described in OP will inevitably occur, due to systemic differences in gender treatment under the laws of 99% of countries. Your argument fails to address that.
About practicality: We have these things called refrigerators, where we can store milk… although many women use powder these days. That’s not why women have more leave.
About your ‘well this is wrong for women’: There are 0 countries where women aren’t viewed as people. I’ve lived in ‘oppressive’ countries (notably a few STAN countries), and women are respected in all of them… Not driving or wearing sexy clothes doesn’t make someone not a person. Although those laws exist in like 2 countries, you’d be shocked how open minded the reality is in those countries.
Lastly: Whether it damages a career or not depends on the career.
ProbablyNotADuck: Do you know how breasts work? Because they still require pumping.. so there is time dedicated to that if a woman is going keep lactating, meaning time during the day to pump (20-30 minutes to do it properly), a thermal bag to store breastmilk.. storage at home for breastmilk. You really do not seem to know much about this.. especially based on your comment again about powder. Formula is really expensive. While, yes, people absolutely use it, it adds significant costs if you are dependent entirely on formula.
There are also way more than two countries where modesty laws exist and even more countries where equality is a massive issue.
Eldryanyyy: I’m discussing laws about driving. Actually only 1 country. Modesty laws are in almost every country, affecting men and women.
20-30 minutes a day… is not the reason why women get entire days off work. I’ve had colleagues store the milk during lunch breaks, in countries with lower leave times.
Equality is something a few countries don’t have, but based on your posts, I highly doubt you’ve ever seen what these countries are actually like.
ProbablyNotADuck: Great one. You are showing a lack of understanding when it comes to multiple things.
Firstly, it isn't 20-30 minutes per day. It is 20-30 minutes per pumping session. That is 8-10 times per day. And, again, I did not say it is impossible to do this. I said it was incredibly inconvenient to do this. Talking about your colleagues is not going to do much here because you've already proven yourself to know very little about most anything surrounding this. Clearly, you are a man. There is definitely no way that you are paying this much attention to what your female colleagues are doing with their breasts during the work day because, if you were, you'd look like a giant pervert.
And now you're going to try to claim that I haven't been exposed to other cultures? That definitely is going to give your baseless comments merit. Admittedly, I have not been to China. I've been to India. I've been to Iceland. I've been to the UK. I've been to Pakistan. How many more countries do you want me to list? Because I spent most of my 20s working for an International humanitarian organization and dealt with maternal, newborn and child health.. so I can go for a while here and I can list a whole lot of stuff. I'd like you to continue to tell me how hard men have it when it comes to childcare when there are a significant number of countries that don't even provide women with enough care to give them good odds during childbirth.
Eldryanyyy: India isn’t the country you discussed where women ‘aren’t treated like human beings’. Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan, Iran…are. Changing the subject pretty obviously when it’s clear you are wrong.
8 times a day is for new mothers. Maternity leave is way too long for that to ever be relevant. Changing the subject again. Most women only pump every 4 hours when they return to work. Once before work, once during lunch, once after work.
Seems the lack of understanding clearly isn’t mine.
Men often have no right to even raise their own children in many countries. Including the west. However, this argument style of ‘what about men and this’ is clearly a deflection because you know I’m right.
| 20 | 22.05 |
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1673203496 | 1673211133 | t3_106qq3h | t5_2to41 | 20 | [deleted]: TIFU telling my employees I'm Satanist
[deleted]
andywalker76: OP, your religion is your business and, as long as it doesn't harm your work colleagues, it's none of your employer's business.
Zer0sober: I 100% agree. Unfortunately, all too often, there are consequences for non-Christians, I've seen it with my fellow TST members and Muslims and even Buddhists who have been fired because their employer is Christian and doesn't want to employ people they believe are "evil".
andywalker76: What exactly do you do in TST that's so offensive?
Zer0sober: We are Athiests who fight legal battles against Christians who attempt to pass their religion into law.
i.e. abortion laws, religious discrimination laws, etc...
andywalker76: So you basically stand up for yourselves.
Zer0sober: And all other non-Christian religions that Christians attempt to oppress.
| 7 | 2.857143 |
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1673203559 | 1673208554 | t3_106qr3z | t5_2to41 | 51 | MzTerri: TIFU: By thinking laying on a table was easier than it is.
Okay to start, I'm old(er) than most people who do this, but occasionally I get asked to either pose for art pieces (sketches or paintings) or photography purposes.
Lately I've been doing so with a really fun artist and the sessions are a great time and usually only 1-3 hours which isn't too rough on my body physically.
This last week because it was raining, rather than being outside on PCH in the wet weather and having it impact the paint, the artist moved the session inside and changed to a laying down position for posing vs. standing.
Well, it turns out just because you're laying down for hours instead of standing, doesn't mean it's not "work". It's been a few days and I still feel like I did a six hour Pilates class.
Tl;Dr: I'm too out of shape to hold poses for six hours, even laying down, and am still paying for pretending I'm younger than I am and can do things like that with no repercussions.
On the plus side, all of the art has came out amazingly, and I'm both an entire wall on a gallery and have some of my own work displayed now too? But... Owwww.
ohuf: Would you mind linking to a picture of the artwork, just to get a grip on the pose you held?
... Only if you are comfortable with it of course. ;-)
Edit: is it the Hugo Rivera one that's posted on your profile?
MzTerri: [here's the video he posted](https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cm_IqWZBLsI/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=)
I'm not trying to promote my own social media but the beginning of that reel shows the pose we did.
And yes the finished pictures in my profile are some of them. There are a lot lot lot more. He filled an entire sketch pad one day.
ohuf: Thanks.
The painting is awesome!
So you were keeping your right leg lifted by your own muscles for hours? The things you do for art, right?
The pose in the painting looks even more uncomfortable, tbh: it looks like you angled out your left leg in an almost disjointed way ... 😃
MzTerri: Yes luckily he keeps letting me move periodically but it is very pilates like lol 😂
| 5 | 10.2 |
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1673205019 | 1673206057 | t3_106rd6a | t5_2to41 | 26 | Mobile_Suit_1979: TIFU by leaving a schedule on my Robot Vacuum
So my wife and I decided to purchase a robot vacuum back in July as we anticipated the birth of our first child. We wanted something to help ease the burden of maintaining the apartment as we transitioned into parenthood and would have less time to dedicate to cleaning. Well, fast forward 6 months and the thing has been great - we have been running it about 3-4 times a week in the morning on a regular schedule. However, it never crossed my mind the massive mistake this eventually would become. See, we have a small house dog (mini schnauzer), and well, our day of reckoning had finally come. After Waking up this morning to start my daughter’s morning feeding routine, I step out of my bedroom door to the pungent, rancid smell of diarrhea dog shit which our robot vacuum proceeded to smear and streak ALL OVER our living room carpet due to said “cleaning” schedule. It even got rubbed into our sliding glass window curtains and some furniture caught in the crossfire. Fortunately, we happened to purchased a Bissel pet pro carpet cleaner about a month ago as we used to rent a rug doctor for accidents, but the costs have gotten too expensive. Bless the gods as this baby did the trick and fortunately I was able to clean up the mess seemingly without any staining after about an hour and a half
Unfortunately the vacuum did not fair so well…the under carriage was completely covered in a plentiful coating of sticky fudgey dog dung. It got caked into the wheel mechanism, brush roller, etc. After a little contemplating, I decided it just wasn’t worth the effort or my pride to attempt to clean the unit as it seemed inevitable poop would be permanently stuck somewhere in the gears without complete disassembly. So yeah, said 200+ vacuum is now in the trash and we likely won’t be replacing it any time soon.
Hopefully this comes as a friendly PSA to other robot vacuum owners with pets to perhaps reconsider using a cleaning schedule without active supervision.
Tl;dr: my robot vacuum was on a schedule. My dog had an accident and shit in the house. The vacuum continued with its schedule and smeared shit all over my apartment carpet.
ProfHamHam: Sounds like you had a shitty morning
Unounofive: Fudge dog dung even…
| 3 | 8.666667 |
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1673207362 | 1673220148 | t3_106scic | t5_2to41 | 49 | Sad-Honeydew8611: TIFU for kissing my high school friend.
It will be important for story so I gotta say. We have been friends with this girl for 7 years now and 4 years ago she had a really bad car accident that caused her to stay in hospital for 1 years.
Sorry for my grammar mistakes, English ain't my first language.
We have been friends with this girl for 7 years and now both of us are in different cities and different universities. We didn't see each other for 3 years. In freshman year of high school we threw a part as a class. I didn't like loud music so I went out. She came and we started to walk in darkness. There was moon in the sky and it felt so romantic but i didn't feel anything important. So we went inside. Let's come to today's story. I broke up my girlfriend like 2 weeks ago and today this girl came to my town. I talked about that day and she said she didn't feel anything because feeling something towards a friend is impossible for her. Then we started walking and was going to pass the road. Suddenly she walked through road and a car would crash. I pulled her arm towards me. My heart was pounding like crazy because I thought I was going to lose her again. After we crossed the road she told that she was wrong and now she felt the romance at that pull. We looked at each other for like 8 9 second and started kissing. Now I don't know what to do. I want to be friends but it created a big mess. I know I don't have feelings for her nor she does for me. I feel like we are going to stop talking.
TL;DR TIFU for kissing with an old friend due to a romantically traumatic moment. Everything became a big mess becuse we got no feelings for each other.
GeneralChillMen: All me and my homies kiss, but we’re totally not into each other. Just straight platonic homie kissing
Sad-Honeydew8611: I didn't even know that was a thing.
No-Junket-1659: It isn't. Thats the point.
Southern-Falcon9657: it is, nothing more radical than pecking the comrades
No-Junket-1659: Sounds pretty dope, thats for sure!
Southern-Falcon9657: it is!!! like nbd it's just about the dynamics you cultivate and the boundaries you survey
No-Junket-1659: That sounds wholesome as hell :)
Might have to suprise my homies with the ol' corncob with butter later
| 8 | 6.125 |
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1674951537 | 1675041185 | t3_10ntye9 | t5_2to41 | 8,550 | throwaway73737r7293: TIFU by making my buddy realize his daughter is probably not his.
Throaway, since my buddies gf knows my reddit. I don't even know how to start. But here it goes: me and my buddy are both in our mid 20s and work as engineers for the same company and we've know each other since high school and hes pretty much my best friend. We played a couple of rounds of cs tonight and were talking via discord. His gf works as a nurse at the night shifts sometimes, we usually use this time to game. The usual stuff. After the game we decided to take a quick break for a couple of minutes, so we did the usual shit chat. We somehow talked about school and how both of us really never enjoyed their time there as we grow up (we had both been bullied for being nerdish back in our school days). My buddy said that he hopes his daughter who is 3 f will have a much nicer time later in school/high school compared to him. It got to the point where we talked about all the "unimportant" stuff we had to learn while we were there. Well for me I've always disliked biology classes as I hated the teacher back then, I mean really hated them. And I said jokingly to my buddy trying to sound like my old teacher "the only things my 6th grade biology teacher taught us are "mitochondria are the power plants of the cell" and "you can tell if ya mama cheated by your eye color". My buddy laughing at this point "really the eye color?" and I said "yes, apparently." My buddy "how?". Me "take me for example, I have blue eyes and so does my sister. Apparently blue eyes are what call a recessive gene. If one parent has blue eyes and the other has brown there is only a small chance for your kid to be born with blue eyes. Well my parents both also have blue eyes of their own. So it would be more than unlikely for me to have brown eyes..." My buddy said " the more you know" than paused for a second. Than he said "be right back, gotta make surez the little one goes sleep now" after that he returned roughly a minute later and I could hear him almost sobbing "me and my gf also both have blue eyes... But my daughter doesn't". It took me sometime but I could calm him down eventually. So after that we both spent some time googling away but nope blue eyes are recessive as I remembered. We found out that if both parents have blue eyes the ratio is 99% blue eyes and 1 % brown or green, so highly unlikely. My buddy quickly disconnected from the call. I tried to text and call him. But he didn't answer until 30 mins later saying he will call me soon. I stayed up all night telling my gf to go to bed without me.The longer I waited I started fearing for the worst. I texted him again and again, he always answered he'll call me in a couple of minutes. At 5 am he finally called me back and said that his gf came home at 2:30 am and asked him what's wrong, he told her hes not filling well and will soon get back to bed. He waited until she was asleep to call me back. He told me he will take a paternity test behind her back to have something official to "slap" in her face. Then he started to cry and I drove to his place to pick him up and we went to a late night drive thru and greped something to eat. I've never seen my best friend like this and I feel like I'm the one responsible for crushing his world. He told that he wanted to propose to her on valentine's day. But that's off the table. I dropped him off two hours later at his place. He said he will call me tomorrow.
Now I'm typing this out laying in my bed next to my gf who slept the whole time unable to sleep. I can't shake the feeling that I destroyed my buddies life.
TL;DR My buddy and I were talking about 6th grade biology and found out while talking about it that he and his gf both have blue eyes and his daughter has brown eyes. So he's likely not the father and I feel like I've destroyed his life by casual mentioning 6th grade biology.
Update!
He is not the father.
So the results came in today, and my buddy called me right away. He showed the results his now ex gf and she broke down claiming that even if their daughter is not his, that they should work this one out. My buddy has told her "no" and that he will not raise somebody else's kid. She started to demand that, since he has been raising her for 3 years now and that she had in fact stopped sleeping around 2 years ago so there all "good" now and can work this over.
He's now crashing at my place while giving them 10 days to find a new place to stay. My buddy also told me he's giving her 10 only for the kids sake, otherwise he would have thrown her out right away. He's also looking for lawyer should there by a aftermath to this but test is more than sufficient were we live so, he's pretty much of the hook.
Also if you are wondering the hospital does 3 tests back to back to make sure.
Also also my buddy is the only one paying for the apartment and 2 cars they own and he will sell hers to his niece.
TL;DR
Buddy got the results and he's not the father.
SignedTheMonolith: Where is that recent TIFU post where the guy’s wife left him because he asked for a paternity test because of similar circumstances? -test showed he was indeed the dad as well.
Edit: here is the referenced post.
https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/10msu03/tifu_by_asking_my_wife_for_a_paternity_test/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Sasspishus: Yep, eye colour is not as easy as people make it out to be, especially if all you know about it is from high school biology
2beagles: Yes, my husband's family all have brown eyes, as far as we can tell. Like, all of them. yet my daughter has my green, and his brother's children are both bright blue like their mom. All 3 are very obviously their father's babies. Eye color is complicated!
satireplusplus: It's really not that complicated actually, eye color is the result of the number of melanin pigments in the iris. Brown eyes is basically the "standard" eye color and the most common. Everything else is due to a mutation that attenuts or disables melanin production in the iris. The mutations can also be passed without affecting the parents, two brown eyed parents have a reasonable chances of 25% that their children don't have brown eyes. But, if both parents carry the mutations and express them, a brown eyed baby with "standard" non-mutated eyes is very improbable (1 in 10000 babies).
Here's the full probability chart: https://www.mamanatural.com/eye-color-chart/
Eyeballwizard_: It’s not a mutation though. Just a normal genetic variant; a trait.
satireplusplus: The genetic variant for blue eyes is a mutation in a gene called HERC2 though. Relatively speaking, this mutation happened quite recently, probably around 7000 years ago. Most blue eyed people will be related to this caveman:
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/revealed-first-ol-blue-eyes-is-7-000-years-old-and-lived-in-a-cave-9086310.html
> Blue eyes in modern humans are related to the same mutation in a gene called HERC2. If you have this mutation in both copies of the chromosome, you will have blue eyes for sure.
Eyeballwizard_: Ah yes, the independent. Allowing layman who did a quick google search to feel like researchers for years to come.
It’s called a polymorphism. Polymorphisms are NOT mutations; they’re genetic variations that researchers have found correspond to different areas of the world. Like different set eyes comparatively between the western and the eastern world -neither is a mutation. They’re just polymorphisms
KingfisherDays: Surely polymorphisms came about through mutations that occurred in the past. Seems like a distinction without a difference
PhillipsAsunder: Mutation implies a standard wildtype to be mutated from. Polymorphism doesn't. The distinction is moreso an ethic term to prevent eugenic discourse, methinks.
KingfisherDays: You're probably right, but it feels a little odd to resort to scientific doublespeak to try to ward off bigotry. I'm not sure how "X trait is a polymorphism, not a mutation" makes people more accepting of that trait, especially when it's so clearly an attempt to define a narrative.
Eyeballwizard_: Why would you want anyone with non brown eyes to think their presentation is a mutation?
That’s like saying any specific skin color is a mutation. Albinism is a mutation regarding skin color. The difference between white and brown people is not a mutation regarding skin color.
I know to science background people saying “mutation” isn’t hurtful, but as I venture more into the patient-centric realm of science I am realizing how big those words are to people. Some people would hold onto that comment for years, possibly wondering what other “mutations” they have.
Not a big deal. But this is a forum meant for public communication and discourse. That’s all.
TheHazyBotanist: Umm... You really gotta look up what the definition of "mutation" is. That's how we evolved. It's not a dirty word
Eyeballwizard_: I just said that. But to people outside of science, it is a “dirty” / SCARY word.
TheHazyBotanist: Honestly, that's their problem. It's their job to educate themselves. We have so much information available at our fingerprints, and all they need to do is use it.
I get what you're saying, but I don't think those people should be taken seriously
Edit: lol, guess this dude must get pretty triggered by the word, "mutation." Instantly downvotes anything with the scary science word
Eyeballwizard_: I hadn’t even seen your response before you edited it?? I’m also not a dude.
And no it’s not laypeople’s jobs to learn about science. That’s stupid. They have their own jobs and lives to worry about. It’s our job as doctors, scientists, etc. to explain thing in a way that everyone can understand. We are not gatekeepers of knowledge, we are the bridge.
TheHazyBotanist: >I’m also not a dude.
Everyone can be "dude." Is that another word you consider dirty?
>And no it’s not laypeople’s jobs to learn about science.
It is if they want to talk about it. Don't debate topics you don't understand.
>We are not gatekeepers of knowledge, we are the bridge.
I literally encouraged people to educate themselves
Eyeballwizard_: You’re a botanist, don’t come at me saying I don’t understand things. Especially when a simple downvote makes you want to cry. Softy
TheHazyBotanist: I'm not a botanist... It's a username ya dunce.
>don’t come at me saying I don’t understand things.
Given my degree and career.... I'd love to hear you try and say you know better than I do when it comes to genetics. Please try. I need a laugh.
>Especially when a simple downvote makes you want to cry. Softy
I was calling out the stupidity of it all. You're the drama queen here. You get upset hearing "mutation" and "dude."
Eyeballwizard_: Have fun crying over your downvotes.
TheHazyBotanist: Have fun being scared of words you don't understand
| 21 | 407.142857 |
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1674951941 | 1675048277 | t3_10nu3uk | t5_2to41 | 2,780 | Exciting_Reveal_6689: TIFU by not HU with a girl who was drunk while I was sober
This happened yesterday but I’ve been dealing with the backlash all day today. Yesterday night me(18) and a few friends decided to go to a house party that another kid from my school was hosting. There’s a girl(Ann) that I don’t really know well but has some mutual friends with me that was going too and because of some rumors my friends had told me i knew Ann kinda liked me so I was planning on talking to her. Also Im almost always the DD for these parties because I don’t enjoy drinking that much so it always just works out that I drive. After we got there and I had talked to a few people I decided to go talk to Ann because why not. We were having a pretty good conversation and everything was going good but she was noticeably intoxicated already. After a while we mostly went our separate ways for a few hours. She had been drinking this whole time too. At around 11 one of Ann’s friends went up to me and told me that Ann wanted to HU with me and I politely declined knowing that she was drunk and probably even more drunk than when I first talked to her. I explained this to the friend too and said I’d love to hang out with her another time when there’s no alcohol involved. I thought that was that and everything would be fine because I didn’t hear anything about it the rest of the night. This morning when I woke up though I have a shit ton of texts from her friends saying how I’m a dick and a piece of shit for rejecting her and how I basically called her ugly. They are also saying since she liked me before that she didn’t just want to HU because she was drunk and would’ve wanted to sober. Even some of my friends have texting me asking why I wouldn’t just hu with her. I honestly thought I just harmlessly denied her for just that night because I didn’t want to take advantage of someone drunk and now I have a bunch of people mad at me. I still feel like I did the right thing but maybe I should’ve explained it to her directly instead of just telling her friend.
TL;DR: I denied a girl who wanted to HU with me because she was drunk and I was sober and now all her friends think I’m a dick
grammarkink: All you have to tell everyone is what you said here, you "didn't want to take advantage of someone drunk." If they don't get that, they're morons. You did everything right.
larkin7788: Ha! It’s always your choice what you do, no explanation needed… sober / drunk your choice - weird that so many people are stuck on the sobriety
Nythological: Sorry everyone reading this has only 2 braincells and can't get what you're saying. It's totally right. He can deny her no matter what state she was in.
gutterp3ach: It’s not indicative of two brain cells to misinterpret a comment that is worded in a way that it *can* be easily misinterpreted. Yikes.
Nythological: It's not so much that misunderstanding, its that I think everyone just read the comment below them and then mass downvoted lol. I see how a couple people wouldve misunderstood
gutterp3ach: I definitely misunderstood it until it was clarified later on lol.
Nythological: Well thats the other thing, it was clarified later so I'm not sure why they are still downvoted so much. Even the explanation was downvoted last I checked.
gutterp3ach: People don’t come back and check, I guess. Others just follow their own narrative no matter what.
larkin7788: I think/hope we are just being protective of our society and want everyone to know very clearly that hooking up with someone who is not sober is bad. I won’t fault people for their own trauma or protective nature… however I’m still disturbed by what Reddit has made this post… go back and reread the post and take out any concept of alcohol. Now there is a girl who wants to HU with a boy. Her friends are pressuring him to HU with her, his friends are pressuring him to HU with her. OP is now in a spot where his group around him is upset with him for not HU with someone and his thought is - TIFU and I should have been better about how I presented my reason… OP you didn’t fuck up.
gutterp3ach: Oh no, I completely agree that it isn’t a fuck up at all and it’s very concerning.
| 11 | 252.727273 |
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1674953913 | 1674963042 | t3_10nus47 | t5_2to41 | 32 | sugarandvelvet: TIFU by writing off radiation exposure as psychosis
[removed]
Splyce123: I'm sorry, is this a piece of fiction you've put in the wrong sub? If it's not, you really need some help.
sugarandvelvet: Yeah, this retelling is an abridged, probably more emotive than scientific, explanation what was going through my head at the time.
I've been drunk/ high before and this didnt feel like either of those things.
I know it sounds unbelievable, it sucks having cocktails with girlfriends how intensely my bad dating stories trump theirs
Splyce123: But it's not actual factual? You do know a mystery van didn't actually irradiate you using some kind of x-ray beam machine? Because if you do, you really do need some professional help.
sugarandvelvet: yeah no I absolutely believe it did. I have recieved professional help, including a heavy dose of antipsychotics for three months, hasn't changed my internal stance on this matter whatsoever.
Splyce123: Please, go back and seek more help. You didn't get irradiated by a van. You're ill.
sugarandvelvet: thats hilarious and I can absolutely appreciate how it would read that way. altered the title to suit as well.
but seriously even if this appears unbelievable I figure if the right person comes across this post to give me some actually solid advice it will be worth it. :)
Splyce123: Yes, the solid advice is go and get more professional help. I actually worked in radiation protection for a few years. You were not irradiated by a mysterious gang in a van. You were not targeted. You need help.
sugarandvelvet: ok, I appreciate the insight thankyou. even if it wasnt ionizing radiation, there was absolutely the van, and my perceptual awareness got incredibly fucked up, fuzzy and distorted without ingesting any substances that I am aware of . It may have been an electric current or similar, I genuinely dont know. This is part of posting this here, if people who are actually familiar with that sort of tech may help to place parameters on what I experienced.
KreateOne: Maybe it was just the van you’re buying crystal meth out of?
sugarandvelvet: I am a pretty asf young lady, if I wanted meth I would be throwing it back in a trap den, not going near some dodge alleyway tyvm.
but seriously I work 40+ hours a week doing agri work with stringent employer requirements, if I wanted to get high on one of the most lethal and stigmatised substances out there I probs wouldnt be getting promoted at this job or joking about drug use publicly.
KreateOne: Based off this post it’s entirely possible that your beauty and job are also delusions formed from meth psychosis.
| 12 | 2.666667 |
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1673211204 | 1673212918 | t3_106tyex | t5_2to41 | 31 | AccidentProne_99: TIFU by causing a major disaster at work and then finding out it was all a prank
Hi everyone,
I am feeling absolutely terrible right now and I need to share my story with someone. I just had the worst TIFU moment of my life and it's still unfolding.
So I was running late for an important meeting with my boss and I grabbed my coffee to go. In my rush, I didn't secure the lid properly and as I was rushing out the door, I tripped and the coffee went flying everywhere... including all over my boss's laptop.
I tried to clean it off as best I could, but the damage was already done. My boss was livid and started yelling at me in front of everyone. I was mortified and couldn't believe what had just happened.
To make matters worse, the laptop was completely fried and all of the important documents for the meeting were lost. The entire meeting had to be postponed and my boss is now demanding that I pay for the damages.
I don't know how I'm going to come up with the money and I'm terrified of what my boss is going to do. I feel like I've ruined my career before it even really started.
Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, my boss called me into her office and revealed that it was all a prank. She had planned it with the IT department and wanted to see how I would handle the situation.
I was relieved, but also embarrassed that I fell for it. My coworkers were all in on the prank and had a good laugh at my expense.
TLDR: TIFU by tripping and spilling coffee all over my boss's laptop, causing a major disaster at work and almost ruining my career before it even started. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, it was revealed to be a prank planned by my boss and coworkers.
Environmental_Bee748: how did they plan for you to spill coffee.....
suswing: \^ I'm wondering the same thing
| 3 | 10.333333 |
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1673209561 | 1673232187 | t3_106t9qs | t5_2to41 | 20 | [deleted]: TIFU by critiquing my Mom's personal essay about her deceased father
[deleted]
aliletz: One very impactful thing I learned in college was “constructive criticism”. One thing I learned in my career is “don’t give criticism without solutions”. Both apply here.
I imagine that the reaction would have been better if you’d offered something like:
“That’s a a good start, but I’d love to see included some of the sweet stories that you’ve told us about your dad- [examples]- it would help round out who he was as a person and what he meant to you”
If nothing else, compliment sandwich it.
elleusesreddit: You're absolutely right. When she gets home, I'm going to apologize again, and tell her that I'm used to her very thoughtful and emotional retellings by mouth and was expecting to see that in her writing.
ex_banker: Lol! Er no. Do NOT frame it like that miss story editor, she will jump down your throat. Use the intonation that u/aliletz provided.
'expecting to see that in her wrtiting' comes off exactly like a pissed off teacher when a student has failed something obvious that has already been explained on multiple occasions.
elleusesreddit: I spoke with her, and it went well.
aliletz: I’m so glad 💗 tell us more when you can?
| 6 | 3.333333 |
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1674954360 | 1674967896 | t3_10nuxxd | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU, Texted another girl for 3 days.
[deleted]
Weak_Jeweler3077: 201 days, eh?
Senorcafe510: 201 days and 8 hours
AppropriateScience71: 301 days and 8 hours and 7 minutes.
| 4 | 1.75 |
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1673210996 | 1673311606 | t3_106tv9n | t5_2to41 | 1,907 | [deleted]: TIFU I didn’t realize people can be allergic to moisturizing body oil
[removed]
jdmorgan82: People can be allergic to (literally) water.
Edit:not that you should be expected to know every person’s particular allergies.
Mission-Practice-309: And cold. I worked in allergy and asthma and people who are allergic to the cold I feel awful for. A jump into cold water can send them into anaphylactic shock and kill them and the allergy can come out of no where.
jdmorgan82: I’m allergic to the sun. Woo! Not bad enough to need treatment, but a good case of hives is always wonderful.
PussyWrangler_462: I developed an allergy to my period
Every month, 7-10 days before my period huge hives would develop all over my body, my lips, tongue and eyes would swell to the point of needing ER visits in fear my throat would close
They gave me an epipen and for some reason after two years it just went away. Was a hellish two years wondering if I was gunna die every month
Edit: called pergesterone dermatitis if anyone’s wondering
saraa_amber: Jesus fucking christ, I'd just rip out my uterus at that point. Did antihistamines help at all? That sounds like a nightmare...
PussyWrangler_462: Steroids was pretty much the only thing that would get rid of it, basic Benadryl did nothing
The problem is drs don’t really like to give long scripts for steroids, so I only ever got enough for the month, then next month I’d be back in ER with my eye swollen completely shut and unable to speak cuz my tongue was swollen so big. Wounds all over my body from me scratching the hives until I bled, then I kept scratching because it was so unbelievably itchy
Every. Single. Month.
They sent me for allergy testing and it turned up nothing other than a mild irritation to grass. They had no idea what was going on. Wasn’t until I googled for hours did I finally discover what was happening to me. Asked my doctor “hey do you think it could be this since it happens every month before my period?” He was like “oh uh you might be onto something here”
No shit Sherlock, give me the roids.
Dark_Knight2000: Wow, the drs really let you down there. That wasn’t normal and it’s not something you should’ve had to live with.
Might be an insensitive question, but at that point would it have been a possibility to remove your ovaries? I know there are a bunch of side effects of doing that, but it sounds unbearably painful.
PussyWrangler_462: I doubt my dr would’ve approved a surgery like that, I once asked to have my tubes tied and he said no because I might want children
He’d probably use the same excuse again for not doing it
| 9 | 211.888889 |
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1673214243 | 1673279563 | t3_106v9ku | t5_2to41 | 133 | Breakthewheel89: TIFU by unlocking the achievement : fire crotch 🔥
So it’s the last week of regular season football and I happen to be off and home with hubs and the kids. It’s been a great day making frozen margaritas and a pot roast in my pressure cooker . Well my husband of course was being impatient decided to have a snack of queso with FRESH jalapeños that he cut . Keep this in mind. Early afternoon we get the kids down for a nap and the tequila inspires some warm and frisky feelings. Things are getting a little hot and heavy , we’re in full on sexy time . Then it happens. I start to feel some warmth on my lady bits…then it gets hotter….now it’s burning ! I’m internally panicking like wtf then it hits me. I ask him mid makeout session “Um, hey..did you wash your hands good after that jalapeño earlier??” He, still very much in the moment, “yeah babe I did “. At this point it literally feels like my lady bits are in flames. I explain what’s happening and he says “oooh, I’m feeling some burning too !” . I immediately ran to the bathroom in hopes to neutralize the jalapeño oil !Long story short , make sure you wash your hands in cold water and dawn so you don’t inadvertently sidetrack your “kid/toddler free time”. At least the fire feeling is down to a slight burn now.
TL;DR : hubs cut jalapeños, didn’t wash his hands well, and my lady bits felt like someone threw gasoline and a match on them during attempted sexy time
MaccGawd: I see some variation of this spicy food inadvertently burning genitals story in this subreddit every week…
Breakthewheel89: You’d think we’d learn by now 🥴
Magikalbrat: Look. At least you didn't literally glue your 🐱 to the bottom of a bathtub in a waxing gone wrong mk? A spatula and serious consideration for calling 911 were involved.
Breakthewheel89: Hold up. How did you …nvm I’m not sure I wanna know. That sounds awful 😩
Magikalbrat: Lol there was WAAAAYYYY too much laughing to be really traumatic. It was ...a learning experience lol
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1673214666 | 1673246332 | t3_106vg2r | t5_2to41 | 526 | 65thAndCottage: TIFU by quitting my job and ruining my life
This is more like 2 weeks ago I fucked up but here it goes. In 2019 when I was 17 I got charged as an adult for slinging dope. I ended up getting booked for a felony and spent nearly a year in Prison. I’m now 20
Now in October of 2022 I finally got a job that was normal, delivering ford parts M-F for 18.75 an hour. I would work there for 5 weeks before having a particularly crummy day, and ended up putting in my 2 weeks notice.
2 weeks came and past, I showed up and did my job, I assumed we were on solid ground and on friendly terms. I thought if I can’t swim I shouldn’t burn bridges. They wanted me to just leave. Worked there for a total of 7 full weeks
The day after the last day I came to my senses and tried calling, and emailing to let them know that I made a bad I’ll-advised decision, and I’d really like to come back to work. They didn’t just tell me to fuck off, they ghosted me.
This just throws a wrench in all my plans, I was gonna work, get this Bs charge off my record and finish my degree. Now I’m a just a giant fucking loser and I honestly don’t know what to do, I’ve fucked up my life beyond repair at this point.
The biggest part that’s bothering me is that my mother and grandmother encouraged me, even bribed me to quit because some of my stops were on the south side of Chicago, where I grew up and she must have PTSD from it. I understand how she feels but even though it’s all my fault I feel almost rage at them because they enabled me to fuck up my life. I really don’t know how to stop being angry deep inside me, I love my mother to death
It’s not fucking easy to get a job, and everyone of them has 100-200 people who applied and they aren’t going to hire a fucking felon with a limited work history.
I finished highschool in prison, started an associates degree in prison, finished it when I got out this year and I really freaking tried. And I only went so far before I messed up and this mess up feels worse than getting caught with a bunch of drugs because unlike then, I was actually on the correct path in life, and I fucked up.
TL;DR Felon finally gets a job, puts in notice and quits job because of a decision based on emotion, screwed up my life cause of it.
art_addict: Okay, some big honesty moments. Yeah, you made a fuck up letting your combo of a bad day and mom and grandmother’s comments get to you and putting in your two week’s without much thought with no new job lined up. And then not starting to hunt for a new job. And then assuming that since the next two weeks went well that they’d just keep you.
BUT you know what? People fuck up and turn things around all the time. You did an excellent job working on your life while in prison. You really picked things up there. There ARE a bunch of places that hire felons and you have some excellent suggestions here. r/findapath is a great place to get some ideas where to go next from here too.
You made a few mistakes. Those mistakes aren’t the end all be all of your life. We all fuck it up sometimes. It’s never the end until we’re dead. We always have time to turn it around.
65thAndCottage: I understand my mother’s point of view, wanting me to quit, her heart was in the right place, I don’t have the right to be picky about jobs. I should have realized I was incredibly lucky to have the job I had even if it wasn’t the best.
The skill I haven’t found out is the skill of standing out in a sea of 100 applicants with no record, as we head into economic contraction/recession. If it were this time one year ago, I wouldn’t be as devastated
Revolutionary_Tea555: Use it to your advantage. Having a record DOES make you stand out, currently for the wrong reasons but turn it around. Look at you, away for a year, and already finished high school and completed a degree. I could never do that. The circumstances that were against you did not hold you back in the slightest.
Keep grinding. What’s meant for you won’t pass you.
65thAndCottage: Unfortunately, nobody cares about an associates, especially in what I got it in(accounting). Thanks for the words, I’ve invested everything to catch up to my peers and made a stupid mistake and threw it away. The only thing I’m happy is that I didn’t do something dumb to get myself back in prison, but that’s nothing to be proud of that should be the expectation
Reynyan: If you have a degree in accounting you are good with details and have good reasoning skills.
You probably would not get hired to handle cash because of your record, but step back and look at the SKILLS that it took to get that degree. Time management, determination, organization, you could have gotten a degree in Celtic Languages and you still have sellable qualities that employers look for.
You are very young and have made tremendous progress, yes you quit this job. Please remember that you also only GOT that job not that long ago.
One last thing that I will add is that I believe absolute honesty is going to be your friend.
When someone asks why you left your previous position, you tell them that you are doing everything in your power to stay on the correct path you are on (High school diploma, associates degree) and that there were aspects of that job that exposed you to your old stomping grounds and that “ in consultation with my family, who are very vested in my making the right choices, I decided that it wasn’t the best fit for me and I’m looking for” whatever job you are interviewing for.
Good luck and stay the path, you will find something else.
65thAndCottage: Thanks <3
fire_brand: Dude is super right. You've been dealt a shittier hand than a lot of people and have done pretty all right up until now. You are super young. I have, what I consider a pretty good life, but I'm 35 and I didn't start working until maybe 26 or something. I've finally got what I would consider a really good job just over a year ago. Ive spent time unemployed and worked some awful jobs, but if you work hard and keep at it you'll get there eventually. You have sooooo much time. One thing to keep in mind is most people out there are lazy af and are trying to do as little work as they possibly can. If you always work hard and put in an honest effort, constantly improve, you will be a better employee than 80% of the work force and will get recognized for it. You are so young man, keep at it.
| 8 | 65.75 |
|
1673939970 | 1674005475 | t3_10e5y9i | t5_2to41 | 612 | Cosmixexe: TIFU - Dating my Step Cousin
Around 10 years ago, My uncle decided to date his soon to be wife after being with each other for little over 10 years.
His wife (my aunt) brought along her daughter (my step cousin) with her into our family.
Every family gathering I always would see her and I was very attracted to her, we both confessed that we had feelings for each other and we spent every moment together even shared multiple kisses at many different gatherings in secret.
Fast forward 10 years later us after being separated through my aunts custody complications with her ex boyfriend (my step cousin’s father), We reconnected and spent a lot of time together, we reminded each other about the moments we had when we’re kids.
We both realized that we still had feelings for one another, we bonded and got more closer ever since and ended up dating one another.
We are still together till this day and we are deeply in love, we are just nervous about revealing our love to our families.
We really saw no issues dating and since we are not blood related this doesn’t really make it weird just unusual to others, but true love comes in many forms and not a lot of people get to experience it.
Does anybody see this as an issue and what would possibly be the best way of handling this situation?
Edit: Please considering upvoting to spread the attention we can really use some guidance thank you all so much! 🙏🏻
TL;DR: Me and my step cousin are in love with one another we and are not sure how to reveal our love to our families.
Topinambourg: How old are you? You sound quite young tbf
Cosmixexe: I’m 20, and she is 18. We were very much young at the time.
Mattbl: You're both still very young.
Cosmixexe: Yeah you’re right no doubt about that.
YoResurgam777: The problem is that at that age, statistically, you are about 90% unlikely to have this be the person you grow old and die with.
So what that means is that you are going to break up.
While you are still infatuated, everyone thinks they will have an amicable break up if it ever happens. But some break ups are really messy. And you will be seeing your ex for the rest of your life at family wedding, funerals, emotional times.
So the question is, will it be worth it; for a 2 week relationship; 2 months; 2 years; 2 decades long relationship?
It is movie nonsense that 'there is only one true love'.
There are hundreds of people in your city who you could have a happy life with. Widen the net to the country. Thousands. The world= tens of thousands.
Why pick the one person who you can only have a messy breakup with?
Because seeing your ex for decades means a messy breakup.
What if you break up after ten years. Just grow apart. No fighting. You meet someone else. Then your wife has to have thanksgiving sitting next to someone who knows how you like a finger up your bum while getting oral.
Why pick an ex you can never get away from?
MegaMickPt: >90%
Source?
>So what that means is that you are going to break up.
Even if 90% is correct: Shame on you.
And statistically, are break ups always messy, also?
We don't know them, no reason to be pessimist on their behalf. And it's fine to know your partner while you're young. It's not like they met swiping left and right on apps, they've known each other in childhood and liked each other back then too. That's pretty strong. Is your experience the same as theirs? Their situation doesn't sound like 90% to me. If they were a couple that met on Tinder instead, maybe yeah I'd say more similar to a 90% situation? 🤔
They'll be fine. Or maybe they won't. Up to them, rly. Telling someone to just go meet someone else in the world, because this could go wrong, and given the situation, makes you sound like you're angry with your life. Make peace!!
Also, very anecdotal evidence here, but in my very personal experience, messy break ups not only are rare, but many ex-couples in my socials are still very good friends, and even partners in some stuff. Ironically, the most messy break ups that I know were old folk that divorced after their 60s 😅
TLDR I don't know if you're right or wrong, but I hope OP didn't see your comment, basically.
YoResurgam777: My point is that they are going to break up. It's not even a sad thing. That's life. The person who you are at 19 is not the person you are at 23; 30; 40; 50
Sometimes you luck out with a partner who fits in with your changes.
Mostly not. Especially meeting at school age.
The question is are you going to focus on the immediate fun of a new crush, or look at the bigger picture of extended family interaction over the decades.
MegaMickPt: First, I understood your point the first time. I just don't think you should be talking as if you're certain about a possibility that you apparently don't even know the odds of. Also, their "crush" survived the change from 10 to 20yo, which is a pretty substantial change.
Second, for someone who's a big fan of pessimistic odds and great changes from 19 to 23yo, you underestimate immensely how family interactions change over just a few years.
Families move towns, countries. Siblings get upset with each others, and don't talk for years: sometimes business, sometimes over nothing. Divorces and sickness break extended family dynamics apart. Second marriages too. Sometimes families just grow out of gathering all the time, or get out of touch. We see this everyday around us. That's life.
Case in point, what OP said about their families. Them being separated for years. And OP didn't mention anything about the families getting together again, even. Just that he managed to get in touch with her again.
Imho, odds are with OP.
YoResurgam777: My point remains, even if the odds are 50/50 that you will be together until you die, why make family relationships awkward? (not just the step cousin - their kids, parents, cousins who will be in your life for the rest of your life, unless you cut ALL of them off).
When you can just cultivate a relationship with someone else just as easily?
Nothing has started. That feeling of new attraction is easy to find if you look for it.
MegaMickPt: We understand each other, just agree that we disagree. Glad that it's up to them and not us.
| 11 | 55.636364 |
|
1673216868 | 1673332353 | t3_106we3k | t5_2to41 | 38 | ginaabees: TIFU by masturbating
Before I get into it, I need to give you a quick backstory:
I (33F) started getting gnarly cramps during PMS in approx my mid-late twenties. They say an orgasm helps relieve the pain under normal circumstances; unfortunately they make my cramps worse. And the harder the orgasm, the worse it hurts. If I’m careful about it, the pain can be worth.
One morning while visiting the in-laws with my boyfriend a few years ago, I had to take a shit, and ended up running downstairs to the bathroom because my boyfriend’s bathroom ran out of toilet paper without us realizing. As I’m sitting on the toilet pushing through my poop hole, I get a slightly crampy feeling in my left side a little below my ribs. I incorrectly interpreted the pain as a little constipation. Okay, no big deal, just need to push harder.
What happens next is one of the most excruciating experiences of my life. The crampy feeling turned into outright stabbing; imagine a white hot serrated blade plunging into your side, twisting, and then electrifying you. In my attempt to stand up and leave the bathroom at the moment of the first wave of pain, I broke out into a sweat, fell to my knees, and almost puked and passed out. Pure agony for I don’t even know how long. I was fully prepared to go to the hospital had the pain gone on longer than an hr (luckily it didn’t).
Eventually I figure out it’s ovarian cysts, and that I’d ruptured one by squeezing my abs too hard. Okay, be extra careful when I poop during PMS, got it. As long as I don’t squeeze the fuck out of my ab muscles, I’ll be fine. Years go by and I manage to avoid it happening again after that trip.
Now:
Fast forward to the wee hours of this morning. I’m lying in bed unable to fall asleep. I thought to myself, maybe getting off will help.
Mind you, I’m in the throes of PMS, and had been cramping a couple of days prior. Yesterday I didn’t feel much so I thought I was good to go.
I was wrong.
The orgasm was nice, but it was a hard one, and about 30 seconds later I realize my mistake. It started out like a typical cramp but then very quickly snowballed. I end up drenched in sweat, fighting the urge to vomit, quietly writhing and trying not to wake up my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 miserable minutes and it took me forever to fall asleep after that.
The cherry on top was I needed to poop in the latter moments of this and found myself doubling over on the toilet pooping as passively as possible out of fear of triggering another episode.
Yeah in the pleasure to pain ratio, I completely and utterly lost this round.
TLDR: ruptured an ovarian cyst by orgasming too hard
Psycho_Kronos: Why didn't you consult your GP?
ginaabees: I live in the US, i don’t have health insurance
Psycho_Kronos: You had years to pay the consultation. This is just reckless at this point.
ginaabees: Oh I’m sorry, were you going to pay for me? No? You gonna start a go fund me? If not, keep your hot take to yourself
Psycho_Kronos: Fine have the agonising pain. And pray that there aren't more. Usually cysts grow in clusters.
ginaabees: You paying for it?
Psycho_Kronos: If you come to New Zealand and marry me, you'll get it for free.
| 8 | 4.75 |
|
1673214552 | 1673277633 | t3_106ve9v | t5_2to41 | 10 | TheOneTheyCallMerlin: TIFU - by missing an opportunity to gain a friend
Okay, first of all what needs to be understood is I am in a position that keeps me isolated from my peers. That being said I have no in person friends, only online friends.
Today I got hungry and decided to order some lunch through Postmates; there was the period when I was waiting and eventually the food came. I saw that the guy dropping it off was on the heavy side so instead of leaving him to walk all the way up to the door I went out and met him at his car. He handed me my lunch and I happened to have my Hogwarts shirt on which he then made a comment about.
That led to a small mention of the upcoming release of Hogwarts Legacy and then we chatted about all the other video games coming out this year.
It was the first time in my life that I was actually able to connect with someone like that and even though I didn’t know him I kinda had a feeling that maybe we might have made great friends and who knows, maybe he was just as lonely as I was. Sadly I’m a retard when it comes to social interaction and I have no idea what I’m doing. Because of this I did not know what to do to maybe see if we could hang out at a later date, thus I lost an opportunity to potentially have a in-person-friend.
TL;DR: I have no friends and could have gained one but because I’m horribly socially awkward I missed the chance and am alone again :(
AcrobaticSource3: > I am in a position that keeps me (31 M) isolated from my peers
I totally thought that you were gonna tell us that you are in prison
TheOneTheyCallMerlin: Lol. Sorry to disappoint. I’m a independent care giver meaning I’m usually privately hired by elderly people.
AcrobaticSource3: That’s a tough job for a lot of reasons. Much respect to you, friend. I’m gonna upvote you for that reason alone.
| 4 | 2.5 |
|
1673218146 | 1673231149 | t3_106wxbz | t5_2to41 | 28 | Some-Broccoli1719: TIFU by calling an ex at 1 am
Throw away account because my girlfriend knows my reddit
This happened 12 minutes ago. I was deleting old contacts and I realised I had my exes number and I clicked on it to delete and my phone literally started calling her. I hung up immidiately but the call probably went through. The issue is we broke up 3 years ago and she got this number after we broke up. The only reason I had it was to look at her profile on whatsapp and I didn't do that in 2 years. I have a very jelaous girlfriend and an ex who'd love to fuck up my life if given the oppurtunity. I blocked the number from everywhere and I just hope she doesn't look up who it belongs to. We don't have any common friends so she can't ask anyone. Also if she has my number saved for some reason or just remember it by memory she'll know who called. I can't even try to explain what happened to my girlfriend because she is a. very jelaous, b. Hates my ex even they didn't know eachother. My ex kind of destroyed my mental health before we broke up and my girlfriend had to deal with the scars she left on me so if she learns about it it might literally break us up. I hate this drama I'm in my mid 20's and I was hoping I was too old for relationship drama
TL;DR: Called an ex in the middle of the night by accident and it might fuck up my current relationship
SnooBunnies7461: Be up front with your current girlfriend and let her see that the phone number has been deleted and blocked. Better to hear it from you instead of hearing about it somewhere else and thinking you are being sneaky
Some-Broccoli1719: The issue is, she will get mad at me for having the number for all this time. I completely forgot about it because I didn't have the number with her name instead it was just random letters starting with a Z so it's at the end of my contacts (I usually do that with the numbers I add temporarily)
pnwWaiter: If she's the kind to be jealous about things now and not forgive you when you're honest - she's always going to be that way. If you can't accept that, take your time to think.
I'm not saying she can't change or grow, but if I know the type, and that's just how she is - you need to accept that as a constant
| 4 | 7 |
|
1673218879 | 1673237289 | t3_106x8cz | t5_2to41 | 19 | [deleted]: TIFU by thinking I was home alone
[deleted]
Samasher17: >It is the afternoon and I'm on my room playing some project zomboid with ma boys (rhyme intended).
There's no rhyme here bro.
DangOlBdog: 
| 3 | 6.333333 |
|
1674961417 | 1674988345 | t3_10nx9e1 | t5_2to41 | 7 | ThrowRAggffhhsne200: TIFU by calling my ex
This happened about an hour ago. But a little context to explain it even though it really doesn't help my case.
Me(m21) and my Ex(f21) broke up about two years ago. I broke up with her for selfish reasons and at the time I was too young to really understand the full ramifications of what I was doing. We proceed to try and be friends afterwards but she started doing things that fucked with my head like hang out with my family when I wasn't around and trying to fuck my best friend and she dropped out of college and started drinking a lot.
At the time I really wanted to be there for her but not even three months later I got into a relationship with someone who did not like my ex and so I kinda just obeyed her jealous tendencies and ignored my ex and pushed her out of my life really hard.
A year and a half pass (6 months ago ish) and I hear from a mutual friend of my ex that she still seems very interested in being in my life. I ignored this at the time because of my girlfriend's jealousy.
Fast forward to recently I did DMT and it revealed to me that my current girlfriend is definitely just a rebound that lasted way too long because we were codependent. It also revealed that I was not at all over my ex because of how quickly I fell in with my current girlfriend.
So in my sudden awakening to my life and current situation I decided I wanted to get back in touch with my ex as I had always felt we left things in a really weird spot. So I asked a mutual friend to ask her if we could talk and she said she wasn't in a headspace to hear from me. Now this is where I should've left it but a little over an hour ago I called my ex twice in a row using *67 because I thought she might just hang up if she saw the number. So I made the even worse decision to call her twice from my job's phone number. (Completely clueless still) She didn't respond either time so about forty minutes after that I just called her with my number and she picked up and she was not happy. She asked if it was me who had called her earlier and I told her the truth and she told me that I was being creepy asf and gently let me off the phone without giving me a chance to say anything other than I'm sorry which she said didn't cut it. And she is right.
Now I'm sitting here and I feel so many different things. First off what I did was creepy asf and I can't imagine how weirded out she must've been about it and somehow none of that occurred to me until after she hung up. And I feel like an asshat weirdo now. Like how could I not have realized that before. Secondly I feel relieved. I've spent the last two years of my life silently hoping there was a chance something could work out in the future again. And now I know it won't. I don't believe there is anything I could do to remedy how she already feels about me. So I fucked up and I'm devastated and shocked with myself, but at the same time now I can move forward with my life. I really don't want to let her go but now I know I have no reason to hold on.
TL;DR I called my ex a bunch of times using *67 and my job's phone number and then finally with my number and she picked up and said I was a creep for that and she's right.
1vaseline: Yeah the whole calling your ex idea is basically always a bad decision...
But on a more positive note it's good you're self reflecting on what you did wrong and feel like you can move on. Keep that feeling close and try to move forward with life.
ThrowRAggffhhsne200: Thanks. I do not feel very good right now and I'm probably gonna cry when I get home from work, but it's all for the best.
Elout: Its the way of the road bud.
| 4 | 1.75 |
|
1673221638 | 1673300678 | t3_106ydm2 | t5_2to41 | 3,202 | Imaginary_Lunch7702: TIFU by making a Star Wars reference during sex
Recently, my gf (23f) and I (23m) have been rewatcing the Star Wars movies so it's not like this came out of nowhere. Today, we were having sex, everything was going great and we decided to do her on top. Disclaimer: I do this thing when she is on top where I put my hands behind my head as a bit of a joke.
For those of you who don't know, this is exactly what Luke does in Star Wars after Leia kisses him in front of Han Solo. So to take the piss a bit, just before she gets on top, I mention "This is the just got kissed by my sister pose".
As soon as I had said this, I felt myself going soft and a similar thing happened to her. We tried to salvage the situation but apparently our evolutionary instincts kicked in to not sleep with any siblings, as I guess our bodies interpreted my joke as a possibility that we are in fact siblings. Another disclaimer: we are entirely different ethnicities so definitely not siblings.
Anyway we decided to get changed and write this post immediately to document a historic star wars - sex crossover.
TL;DR I ruined sex by implying I'd just been kissed by my sister in reference to star wars
dublindave112: The phrases "Stay on target" and "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought." spring to mind.
AZSnake: Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!
historycat95: I don't care how it smells, get in there!
JimPlaysGames: Try spinning that's a good trick
wednesdaytwelve: Judge me by my size, would you?
thebestoflimes: Now this is pod racing
SmokingMirrors2: Yippee
Salarian_American: Negative! It didn't go in.
SmokingMirrors2: Just impacted the surface
seraphim343: Who's scruffy looking?
rumpigiam: I used to bulleyes womp rats in my T-16 back home and there not much bigger than 2 metres.
huniojh: I have a bad feeling about this
NerdyToc: Your overconfidence is your weakness.
Shadepanther: I suggest a new strategy, Artoo: Let the Wookiee win
mrbear120: I thought they smelled bad on the outside!
Nimelennar: A domain of evil it is. In you must go.
| 17 | 188.352941 |
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