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Meltdowns	My daughter brought my 16 mo grandaughter over last week and for the first time had a major meltdown when my daughter went out I get car for something. She has never done this before, actually never even really cared if mom left until this week. I picked her up to comfort her and she slapped me in the face. Again that has NEVER happened between her and I. She has always let me hold her and comfort her. I offered to watch her last Friday while my daughter went to an appt and I took her to her room while my daughter left and instantly she knew mom was gone. Started screaming uncontrollably just sobbing. I couldn’t find anything to help console her or to take her mind off of mom being gone. She was hyperventilating she was crying so hard. Where did this come from ? Is this normal ? (She hasn’t gone for her official evaluation yet but she rated high on the evaluation from the pediatrician) I have never had this issue with her until now. And now I am a little reluctant to watch her because I hated seeing her like this .	Not a doctor, but doesn't seem that unusual to me. Around 18 months is when a lot of kids go through a super clingy phase. Express your concern to your daughter and ask her to mention to the pediatrician. They will do an MCHAT anyway at 18 month visit to screen for autism., My son had separation anxiety for a while around that age until he was two. What helped is being consistent with goodbyes and re assuring that you will be back. You could make little paper rings for every hour mom will be gone and have your granddaughter remove one like a count down to when Mom comes back. The meltdowns will happen, just stay close so she doesn't hurt herself and let her come to you when she is ready for hugs., I can't say whether this is an autistic meltdown or not. But if it lasted 30 minutes, that is probably not a toddler tantrum. Autistic meltdowns can last 30 minutes. Autistic meltdowns are like involuntary seizures, while tantrums are voluntary. Tantrums end when the child gets what she wants. Autistic meltdowns are outside of the child's control. During that autistic seizure/meltdown, the "reptilian" part of the human brain takes over. Thus, behavior is based in fear/anger, and the cerebral cortex and normal personality traits are bypassed. The reptilian brain is the most primitive part of our brain, and its main function is to protect us. The reptilian brain gives the Flight/Fight/Freeze response to an emergency. When an autistic kid is having a meltdown, her brain is telling her there is an emergency that demands the Flight/Fight/Freeze response. This "brain emergency" happens when the sensory system is overwhelmed, often by stress. When the sensory system is overwhelmed, the brain thinks it is having an emergency (just as your brain would if you were being attacked by a grizzly bear). If you were being attacked by a grizzly bear, your brain would also be overwhelmed by a flight/fight/freeze response. You could not help yourself. It would not be your fault, and it would not be something you can control. Understanding sensory regulation is key, KEY, to helping prevent or lessen meltdowns. So creating a healthy sensory and low stress environment is the solution. Often this is a quiet, darker place where the asd kid can stimm and enjoy sensory input of a sensory table. The sensory system needs to be reset often by hugs/squeeze, swinging, getting outside, playing in sand/mud, etc. (being inside is a pretty bad sensory environment for many autistic kids). And autistic kids need care from loved one's who understand how to manage these meltdowns/seizures. Generally, just stay nearby, stay quiet, and wait for the child to calm down. Do not engage the child in conversation of any sort. Adding sensory input can be counterproductive during a meltdown. [https://www.asdhelpinghands.org.uk/asd-not-a-badly-behaved-child/](https://www.asdhelpinghands.org.uk/asd-not-a-badly-behaved-child/) [https://autismunderstood.co.uk/struggling-as-an-autistic-person/introduction-to-the-limbic-system-panic-monkey-and-dino-brain/](https://autismunderstood.co.uk/struggling-as-an-autistic-person/introduction-to-the-limbic-system-panic-monkey-and-dino-brain/) [https://childmind.org/article/treating-sensory-processing-issues/](https://childmind.org/article/treating-sensory-processing-issues/) [https://youtu.be/aPknwW8mPAM?si=5ktFVkASJkpa9M4i](https://youtu.be/aPknwW8mPAM?si=5ktFVkASJkpa9M4i) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMn2o9EYa08](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMn2o9EYa08) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXJhfbnAPIU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXJhfbnAPIU), How long did it last? I know my toddler went through something similar around that age, but he calmed down about a minute or so after I was gone., 15 F. Autistic. Biggest thing to do in meltdowns is no physical contact whatsoever. The other day, I had one, and my mom took away my music, which I listen to calm down. This really distressed me, and I cried for 2 hours, and destroyed my room. No matter how much this distresses you, leave her alone during a meltdown. It helps so much to have distractions like tv, music, or a book during a meltdown because you cannot think well., This was like a meltdown I have never seen before . Not the typical couple minute scream, Wow thank you so much for all your input I will pass this on to my daughter. Like I said this is a meltdown unlike one I have ever seen. My daughter said when she walks out to her car to grab something she has the same reaction. She stands at the door and turns purple faced she is screaming so hard. It’s so sad to watch. When I had her I just kept bouncing her on my hip and holding her waiting for her to calm down ., It lasted for about 30 min until I finally was able to get her to fall asleep. Nothing I did was consoling her it was so sad, This varies person to person. A friends son needs HARD hugs during a meltdown, it’s the only thing that works. He tries to give them to himself if mom/dad isn’t right there for him to run to. My 21 year old is like you and can’t handle being touched., As you learn the triggers that cause the meltdowns, and learn the ways to calm the child's brain-on-fire, things will improve., Yes, I also forgot to mention that it does vary! I haven’t had much real-life interaction with other neurodivergent individuals like myself, so it is very common for me to forget that autism is a spectrum, and varies from person to person! Thank you for correcting me, I appreciate it!
Misdiagnosed	Repost from another forum I asked on My 4 year old was diagnosed this last week and while he does have many autistic traits, I'm on the fence about his diagnosis, mainly due to things they insisted to me that he can't do, that I know for a fact he can. I have a low functioning autistic daughter (hers was caused by being a micro preemie, rough 1 pound at birth). First,he's a very head strong little boy, no amount of bribing or threatening works on him. Second, he prefers to play by himself Third, he's speech delayed, he has the words but has a hard time stringing them together. Can only say on average 3-4 word sentences. That being said. He shows a lot of emotion with people he's comfortable. He's always happy, laughing and running around with me or someone he knows. He's also very affectionate with me, gives lots of kisses and hugs, sometimes asking for me to give him hisses or randomly going up to me to kiss me all over my face. He loves to snuggle and be snuggled. He tries to include his sister in games he plays, even though she always tells him to leave her alone or pushes him away. He doesn't have any sensory issues. He's an extremely picky Easter though, refusing to eat soup but will eat Mac and cheese. He doesn't stim at all. He does jump on the couch a lot but so do my partners two toddlers (age 3 and 4) Those who diagnosed him said he doesn't know any body part, his name, can only count to 10, only knows a few colors and doesn't know how to differentiate between in/out, up/down I tried to argue none of that was true. My son can count past 1000, he loves numbers and can do triple digit addition and subtraction in his head. Yesterday, he started talking about negative numbers yesterday so I asked him "is negative one bigger or smaller than zero" and without missing a beat, he said, "smaller". Not only does he know all his colors, but how to make secondary colors, as well as colors such as pink, brown and peach and if you ask him things such as "what does yellow and blue make, he'll reply green" He does love numbers but he doesn't fixate and only focus on those. He will ask to play the zombie game, or read the peppa pig book, the show he wants to watch changes daily. So while he is good with numbers, he gets annoyed when people constantly bring them up. He learned in/out and on top/under, up/down at an early age and has no problems saying things like "mommy's hiding under blanket" when we play our zombie game As well as knows every single body part. Including, eyebrows, eyelashes, shin, hips, thighs, etc That being said..:he shuts down in unfamiliar places with people. They assessed him away from me and he walked away and ignored the people assessing him. I agree to the diagnosis because I'd love for him to have extra services available if he needs them and if he really is autistic, i want to give him his best shot.	The baseline shouldn't be how he acts with you. If he's 4 and doing triple digit math in his head, he's more than likely hyperlexic, and while that's incredible, it's not typical either. Doesn't sound like a misdiagnosis at all. I'd lean into him knowing those big math skills because he sounds brilliant with numbers., Autism is basically an umbrella term for "there's something wonky going on here that we aren't too sure about", with a rough list of traits. It's very likely that it's dozens of different genetic peculiarities, all lumped together. For what it's worth, I have an extremely social kid- he has no trouble engaging others he's never met before on the playground. He also had killer meltdowns when he was younger, is a picky eater and builds some pretty darn amazing things out of just about anything he can get his grubby paws on. (Cardboard is a sacred resource in our household, these days..) I wouldn't overthink it. The diagnosis is useful for insurance/services, it doesn't define them., He sounds like my son in many ways. A big part of why he was diagnosed with autism is that he couldn't generalize his skills to new people and new environments. So, at home with us, he would do all these amazing things, but he wouldn't be able or willing to do them with a therapist or evaluator. Another big part was his refusal of demands placed on him. Again, people would ask him to do something, and he would give the toddler equivalent of "hell no." (I use the past tense because he has come a long way with therapy.) He scored 0 on the MCHAT, but I have come to realize that autism doesn't always look like the stereotype. I have also come to believe that diagnosis is a gateway to services. It doesn't define the kid or their potential., Not every autistic child is the same. Most share similarities but everyone is an individual. My son is outgoing, adventurous, unafraid, social, and lively. He does not have an intellectual disability and is quite bright. He’s still autistic. He has intense interests and emotion regularity issues. His friend is calm, reserved, fearful. He has no emotion regularity issues and is generally quite calm and relaxed. The opposite of my son. He’s also autistic., My son doesn't stim. He's autistic and so is your son. It's a spectrum., He has no sensory issues, but is a picky eater, which is often a sensory thing. He doesn’t stim, but jumps on the couch a lot, which is a stim. You seem to be working on some autism myths too. Showing emotion with people he is comfortable with, and affection. Autistic people can do that, they aren’t robots . Also with is intelligence, autistic people aren’t stupid., He sounds very similar to many autistic kids I know, including my own son. Many autistic kids are very intelligent. The important point about the assessors saying he doesn’t know things they asked when you know he does, is that he cannot/did not communicate his answers. I was concerned about the same thing the first time we met with a speech pathologist. Also, sensory issues and stimming can be more subtle sometimes., My son is also 'high functioning', social, has zero problems with eye contact, ahead of his peers with reading, a ridiculously large vocabulary, etc. I was also unsure about whether or not to even get him tested because of some of the same things you mentioned with your son. But he was home with us for a lot of time (during covid) and so I didn't fully believe it. EVERYTHING changed when he was in kindergarten and especially grade one. Once out in the world full of other people for longer bouts of time and with other people, stresses, loud sounds, etc. It became very apparent that my son was autistic. He may have been misdiagnosed, but I doubt it - it may become more clear to you over the next few years once he spends more time away from you and with others his age., Picky eating is a common sensory issue with autistics, and things like jumping on the couch can be a stim. Refusing to do tasks for adults is also common in autism. So is not being swayed by rewards. It can be an issue in school. Everything you wrote sounds similar to my daughter who is clearly autistic now at age 9. My daughter is also very bright and advanced in academics similar to how you describe your son. She could read with comprehension by age 4, it wasn’t just decoding. I’m in a group for hyperlexia and many hyperlexic kids can read with comprehension & understand math concepts at an early age. Neurotypical kids can’t do that. It’s true for some hyperlexics it is just memorizing and decoding without ever any understanding, but that’s not always the case, and even professionals often aren’t aware of this. My daughter also has never had any obvious stims, but she does sometimes run around which we realized is a stim similar to jumping. Some stims can look like “normal” kid stuff but they can change over time. My son used to have stims that looked like typical kid behavior, but now at age 6 he does some things that are clearly not typical. I would 100% trust that the diagnosis is accurate. Remember that a diagnosis doesn’t mean a kid can’t ever do great things, it just means they may need support to reach their full potential., He sounds similarly to me except my strength was reading, not numbers. I was hyper social and affectionate. Be aware that this may mean he’s disinhibited and may not understand strangers may be dangerous, and that other people may not want to be touched or hugged. Surprisingly, I’m the least picky eater in my entire family. I have some aversions but I sensory seek through food. You might be confused because your son is such a stark contrast to your daughter. Let it play out…some of his traits may come out later., Honestly, I’m not an expert but he sounds Autistic to me. Adding 3 digit numbers in his head is not typical for his age (I’m a teacher). My son is also very affectionate and interested in playing with his sister. If your son has picky eating, he likely has sensory sensitivities in this area (you don’t have to have sensory differences in every single area). All those things you are saying they said he can’t do aren’t core features of Autism (eg knowing directional language, counting, etc.) so even if they said he could do these things it wouldn’t change the outcome (though by knowing how good he is with numbers that would actually probably sway them more toward the diagnosis), Your kid has sensory issues. He is also a sensory seeker, which means he is hyper social. My ASD1 son is also very friendly and loves hugs and kisses. Literally, nothing you wrote made me think that your son might not have ASD. He may have failed the reading and math because he does get context. That is something to work on with a speech therapist., Idk. My kiddo is hyperlexic. They understand what they read at age five. They are good at numbers. They don't flap hands, or the stuff you may see in ASD2 or ASD3. My kiddo's stims are verbal. Noises. Low humming. Kiddo is a picky eater- always has been. That's sensory. They are sensory seeking- love to run, jump, play, cuddle, kisses, very social, happy kid. They are getting better at back and forth conversation. They know their numbers now and body parts, etc, took awhile tho. But their special interest, animals, or vehicles- they had an expert knowledge in. How many toddlers know what an impala is or a parts of a tractor? Lol. But couldn't tell you where their tummy was. Most kids with ASD1 have average to high intelligence. But they are missing milestones, can't sit still, can't hold back and forth conversations or initiate proper ones (how was your day? What did you do in school today? Etc) issues with executive functioning, etc And as far as meltdows, etc- if you don't notice ot now,. It will come up in a structured setting. When kiddo has to transition and doesnt want to (when they have to stop an activity or go to the next) OR they are denied a preffered object (a tablet) told NO, or sometimes meltdown when they can't communicate., He sounds a lot like my autistic son, and I thought some of the same things you're thinking. "Of course he was 'object focused,' he's a two year old in a room full of toys. Maybe he's not answering your questions because he doesn't like you. Besides, he missed his nap today and that makes him cranky. He's two!" My son knew all the colors, numbers, alphabet, etc. early on, too. He's always been a cuddle monster with strong eye contact and impish expressions. He loved fireworks, vacuuming the house, and loud music. He would eat absolutely anything as a toddler. He played well with other kids, too. He even loved playing peek-a-boo and would initiate it all the time. The only stim-like behavior I ever observed was carrying one circle and one square everywhere he went. And sometimes he would tilt his head back and forth slowly while looking at various objects. Initially, I was told my son was advanced at speech, although he actually had severe delays. After some "experiments," I realized that he was relying on context clues and scripts a lot of the time. If I changed my words around, avoided gesturing, or didn't look at him when I was speaking, he didn't understand me. So he could be autistic, but without the most stereotypical signs., Picky eating is often sensory issues, and frequent jumping can be stimming - that alone doesn't qualify him for a diagnosis, but they look different for every child. Hell, I didn't notice half my sensory issues until I read them on my diagnostic report (I can't handle rings or necklaces/anything touching my neck, long tight sleeves, but at the time I didn't realize those are sensory issues too). Sensory issues isn't just avoiding certain input, but can be needing lots of input as well. Both ignoring others and being very affectionate are common with autism - it affects the ability to understand social cues, not necessarily the need for interaction. Especially cuddles also provide sensory input, so they're common in sensory seeking children. Autism correlates with a high variability of intellectual abilities, so both intellectual disability and giftedness are more common for autistic people. Your sons skills don't mean he can't be autistic. That being said, the skills he knows with you should be the baseline, excluding adaptive skills (like interacting with strangers) for obvious reasons. I'm assuming he's able to count objects past 10, not just recite the numbers? From what you've written about your son, I wouldn't rule out social anxiety either, it's often misdiagnosed for autism (and vice versa) at young ages. If you're unsure, you can always try getting a second opinion., Some people seek a second opinion depending on who did your dx., He sounds like my son in a lot of ways. The good thing about all this is it doesn't really matter what you "believe". An Autism diagnosis isn't Santa Clause. Whether you "believe" he has ASD or not doesn't really change anything. He recieved a diagnosis from a professional, so all that's true today is he has a diagnosis. How his life turns out or how he develops isn't determined at all by his diagnosis today - ASD is a spectrum and each kid is different. You can choose to "believe" or choose not to "believe", but at the end of the day he has a diagnosis and you just need to decide where to go from here, Are you in denial? They’re job is to diagnose and they’re probably not wrong. But if you really think they are wrong then get him evaluated elsewhere, Autism is the most over diagnosed disorder out there, kind of like 30yrs ago everyone had ADD. The Spectrum is literally all encompassing, from "quirky" individuals to teenagers in diapers smearing poop on the wall & the brain of a 4yr old. Personally I believe they should scrap the spectrum & start over. From a medical coding standpoint I know they put more & more under that spectrum every year. I also know doctors will use that diagnosis because it's quick & easy, & easier to get behavioral services for. You know what low functioning looks like (I'm in same boat which is why I agree with your reservations). Knowing your 4yr old could just be quirky & develop his own sense of that being raised with a lower functioning older sibling, I would be annoyed (also have similar issue here lol). However as a parent, it's up to you how you want to use this: it opens the door for speech therapy, & behavioral therapy later if you think he needs it. It's actually very common for younger siblings of lower functioning autistic kids to have social & behavioral issues, mainly immaturity & stunted in their ability to interact. Behavioral Therapy, Play Therapy can help with that, even a few days a week in a preschool setting could be good. If I were you, I'd quietly use this for whatever services he DOES need. Just be advised the Autism diagnosis is forever. Like, literally that's the world of medical coding. In today's world, that's more likely to work to his advantage than not. I certainly don't blame you for questioning it, as it sounds like basic 4yr old stuff that he may grow out of, but because there's delay ANYWHERE & a sibling with a diagnosis, they were likely to throw it out there at some point., I don’t think you should focus on the diagnosis as much as the services. Try not to pick all his behaviors apart as autistic or not autistic. He’s a child and he’s still growing. If he’s in low restrictive environments like school (one teacher and maybe an aid with several children) I’m sure that will be a good indicator of what services he needs. He may need an IEP or additional support. But his diagnosis doesn’t matter. It’s just helpful for services. It doesn’t define him. It’s a spectrum anyways and no two kids are the same. It’s clear you love him., It doesn’t sound like he was misdiagnosed. If you have questions certainly reach out to your provider. I think there’s lots of confusion created from internet blogs that just don’t have clinical level quality information. There’s so much misleading information on the internet and in media it’s very frustrating., Autism is a spectrum. And the clinical behavioral symptoms are largely how we act when STRESSED., Also, I want to mention, he does not have melt downs or temper tantrums. He might throw a very quick fit 2-3 times a month if he really wants something and I refuse to budge but it calms down pretty quickly. Like earlier when we went to get his hair cut, we walked into the place and he immediately got upset, whined and started stomping his feet and slightly freaking out. It last less than 10 seconds, then he sat on the chair and waited without me asking him to., How is he with peers?, Mama, I get it it’s hard. We recently got the written diagnosis and I’m not even sure I’m going to tell my child. But the fact is to me it just means that her brain is a little different and that she needs a little extra support. To me it’s a validation in someway that, she just needs a little more from me than my neurotypical child does. I am choosing not to label her beyond that. And you don’t have to either. That’s all I got for right now. Wishing you and your children the best., FYI my Level 1 autistic son was happy, outgoing, and affectionate when he was 3 to 6. He became a little less happy when the social issues started in school, but is generally content and engaged teenager today., I understand your feelings. My older DC has autism. He definitely meets current criteria, and there was always something very obviously different with him, but still far away from what I identyfied as autism before. (Mainly classic autism) We don't live in the U.S. so "diagnosis is just a key to services" doesn't apply to us either so just the word autism in itself made me feel totally doom and gloom and expecting the worse. Now as time have passed and that I'm more educated on the topic I see better what to expect but I still feel a confusion about this word expecially after meeting folks with "real" profound autism. Not because I'm an ableist and I am ashamed that my DC is under the same diagnosis, but because their representations differ so profoundly that calling two (many) such different things the same IS confusing. And remains confusing in an emotional level for parents with kids just getting the dx. Words matter. It didn't even need to be explained these days when you have to be extremly careful with wordings. So I also have a younger DC pretty similar to yours - no stims, no typical autistic behaviors, compliant, even had normal language development. He's yet to be assessed but fails M-CHAT so would most likely have the same diagnosis. I try not to care as I already know it's just a "word" but I'd even prefer to use pervasive development disorder because it describes hundred times better that there's something but not profound., OP I think maybe you're comparing your son and your daughter and that's why you don't think your son is autistic. You may find as he gets older that the diagnosis fits. If he's shutting down and ignoring doctors that's a sign that social stuff is hard for him. For my eldest that's the main thing that defines his autism. If you reread your post you may notice that you say things like, "he doesn't have sensitivities but"... I mean, if he won't eat certain things, that does suggest a sensitivity. You have a couple of those "but"s in there. Chances are he's ASD1 and it's pretty different from the way your daughter is autistic., Life has taught me that even though I watch them on YouTube, and read about them on Reddit, I am not a doctor. If you really question a diagnosis get another one from another doctor. Unless you are a doctor, in which case… same answer. Get a second opinion., This sounds a lot like my daughter and she’s definitely autistic (diagnosed as a level 2). She’s very high functioning in some ways and started to both read/comprehend books on her own when she was 3. She speaks very articulately. There are lots of different types of autism. It’s a spectrum., My 4 year old has no sensory issues. He’s social too. No outsiders can tell he’s autistic. His preschool doesn’t know. No complaints. He doesn’t qualify for any therapies. He has quirks. Repetitive behavior that can be looked at as having a strong interest in something. He seems more sorted than his tween sister for emotional regulation. He still prefers to poop in his diaper but feels a lot of shame about it. Not super fluent for complex sentence formation. He was diagnosed at 2. He has the traits. He had speech delay. He got level 1 diagnosis. We did 7 months of intense play based behavioral therapy. Then 7 months of support at his other preschool. He may need therapy again when he grows older and more demands are placed on him. For now, this is where we are. Autism is indeed a spectrum. And diagnosis doesn’t really change who the kiddo is., They cleared him of hyperlexia and I don't think it's that because he understands the concept. My daughter learned to read before 2 but she doesn't comprehend what she's reading. My son understands the concept and isn't doing it from memorization. I'll say what's 57 plus 48 and he'll start to say 90 but then go "no, 115" so he's grasping the concept of carrying the one as well as working the problem in his head., Good advice here! Diagnosis is totally non-scientific, a loose list of trait categories which is modified with every edition of the DSM. We don't know enough and clinicians are doing the best they can to ID neurodivergence so kids will qualify for services if they need it, This 💯💯💯, “The diagnosis is a gateway to free services. It does not define the kid or their potential.” This is spot on and the message all these parents need to hear. My sons first speech therapy visit was diagnosed as speech delay, and so it was completely not covered by insurance. We then got formally diagnosed with autism, and the next time he went to speech therapy It was under the maximum benefit of our insurance., Thank you, this is helpful 😊, Sometimes it also takes them time to find a stim or the stim doesn't look like one. My sons main stim is he makes up songs and hums them., Just about every 3 and 4 year old I know likes to jump, I guess they're autistic. My son expresses emotions appropriately which is not typical with autistic children. Autistic children and people typically show affection and love in their own special way. My autistic daughter will poke me and laugh before hugging me and yes autistic children are taught by society how to show "normal" affection but my son was not taught this, he's always been an emotionally appropriate baby and child. There are twice as my autistic people in the high gifted range of individuals than "normal" people so yes, I'm well aware on how intelligent autistic children are., I had him in gymnastics ( I just pulled him this week because he's starting school) I wasn't allowed in. He never had a melt down, when he didn't want to do something he would ignore the teacher or sit down but never screamed or threw a tantrum. When the teacher would call on him during these episodes, he would ignore her to a point. Meaning he would follow her where he was suppose to go and sit down in that area. For example he hated hanging on the bar. So when it was time for that, he'd simply sit under the bar, when she told him to move under to station 2 (or yellow bar), he'd get up and sit under the yellow bar, then the blue when he was told, he just wouldn't do the activity, that being said, for the most part, he did everything asked of him. He loved doing the stretches and jumping and flipping off of things., The reason I don't believe the picky eating is, is simply because it runs on my side of the family. All of my dads children are like that, including my dad but my mom and other sister (who we grew up with) are not picky eaters. My sons open to trying all kinds of new food, often asking to try new things like sushi but just not liking it. The only thing he won't try is soup. But it's not a wet thing, he loves dunking his Oreos in milk. It's a taste thing, because he'll take a bite and says "ew" the things he does he though are of a variety of textures which is why I don't believe it's from texture, Even professionals can misdiagnose or mess up though. For example, my parents took me to get evaluated for autism when I was 3 and they said I didn’t have it. Ended up getting diagnosed as an adult., My son doesn't either. He is autistic and so is your son., My kid doesn't either. He has normal three year-old tantrums when he doesn't get his way., my daughter has never melted down or had a tantrum more than a “fit” and she is autistic. i think you just don’t want to accept you have two autistic kids., My daughter is nearly 4 and never had a meltdown and is very placid. She is very affectionate and was from birth (so not society taught as you mentioned in another comment), she has no sensory issues, no transition issues, can count to 100, can read, can do simple math, likes to bounce on sofas, and is speech delayed. She is also Autistic., He's very gentle. If they're doing something he wants to do, then he joins. If he's not interested, he walks away. He asks when his step siblings are coming back (they're 3 and 4) and often plays with them. They play hide and seek and zombie is all of the kids favorite (where they run and hide from me and play dead if they get tagged) my son plays these appropriately, From everything you typed your son does read as autistic and you in denial, IMO. It reads as if you're reaching to label him as 'he's just eccentric' instead of autistic (ASD level 1)., Your boy is still your perfect wonderful boy, no matter what anyone says, no matter the label. Why did you have your son evaluated it if he’s so high functioning that he doesn’t need help? If he’s not functioning as well as you’d like him to then why don’t you use the autistic diagnosis to your advantage and get him more resources. Often speech delay or other types of developmental delay are not covered by insurance, however, for some reason autism is. so it’s sort of a free ticket to more help for your child. Why would you fight that? Personally, I always fight to have my kids labeled as severe as possible by the evaluator, OT, speech, ABA so that insurance will cover as many therapies as possible. None of that changes who my boys are, it just changes how much help we get., Your kid did not learn to read at 2., Your comment just made me realize that maybe my son humming the nightmare before Christmas song (sometimes when he's just playing but usually in the car, when we are in the store, at the playground...) may actually be a stim...🤔🤯 I had never thought of that before!, You are so misinformed. You are just spouting stereotypes. I’d question the reason why you are doubting the diagnosis ., > My son expresses emotions appropriately which is not typical with autistic children. Autism is a spectrum. The fact that you pointed out it's "not typical" leaves plenty of room for autistic kids like your son who have some traits and don't have others., Wow there are a lot of myths here. I'm going to poke at your misconception of affection. See my son is very affectionate with mom and dad and big brother. That is part of the reason with missed early signs of autism in my son, I believed these media generated myths. This is not a fact. My son does not like being touched by strangers. He will hold hands with an adult and walk to therapy or class but nothing beyond that and might freak out if a strange kid tries to touch him. Just because he's super snuggly, and affectionate with mom and dad, doesn't mean anything. In fact his older brother NT hates to be hugged or kissed even by mom and dad. I do not know who convinced you of this myth, but it's not accurate. In fact being held tight is sensory seeking. Mine loves to be made into a burrito with blankets. We have a weighted vest being ordered for him right now, helps with melt down. Another myth is eye contact. And just because your kid makes good eye contact with you, doesnt mean that he does with other people. Immediate family is often the exception. Jumping is also a stim. Yes NT kids jump too, but it doesn't mean your son is not sensory seeking. Jumping is such a common stim that my sons spec Ed class has a small trampoline in it for the kids pleasure!, meltdowns aren’t a symptom of ASD but a commonly associated feature. having a hard time with following directions are also a commonly associated featur, Sensory issues can be with taste as well. Again, sensory issues themselves don't have to mean autism, and they often run in families (as does autism, for that matter), but picky eating based on taste or texture is sensory., With due respect, this would have been 15+ years ago. The science has evolved significantly since then. Not saying misdiagnosis doesn't happen still, but your point doesn't really change anything I was saying, This sounds like my Autistic son, Some hyperlexic kids do read at age 2. My daughter was reading at age 3, with comprehension by age 4. Their brains are wired differently. Hyperlexia is actually somewhat common in autistic kids, I believe something like 20% of autistic kids are hyperlexic. Hyperlexia is defined as self taught reading before age 5. I’m in a group for parents of hyperlexic kids on Facebook and some kids in there read as early as 18 months., My severely autistic, special needs daughter with cerebral palsy 100% learned to read before the age of 2. She has hyplexia and I have no problems with having a special needs child, I just know my son has already been cleared by a medical professional for hyplexia but was diagnosed with autism after only being evaluated for an hour and being told that he doesn't know how to do things I know he does., How are you able to make this claim with a straight face?, Not really, the line between autism and the general population is pretty arbitrarily drawn because we know so little about the science of autism. You’re acting like diagnosis is some infallible thing but a lot of it is subjective. If she’s doubting it, she should get a second opinion., May I ask, and I stress I am not asking with an attitude, but why are you so quick to dismiss a medical professional's Autism diagnosis but so ready to accept their opinion he doesn't have hyperlexia?, What are you looking for here? I literally said misdiagnosis happens. I'm no longer interested in engaging on this topic with you. Best of luck
Miserable husband	My husband and I have a autistic son. My husband was fired from his job earlier this year and I have a full time job as a executive account. So I’m barely at home because I travel for work. We decided that since he didn’t have a job, he should watch our son full time. Near the end of the year, my husband has become insufferable and complains about not wanting to be here and want to leave because our son is too much to handle. My husband has been making all types of excuses to not be here to take care of our son. Such as accusing me of cheating on him, making my son take a DNA test to prove that it’s his kid. (I would love to be a stay at home mom and switch places with him) but my husband can’t hold a job down. Anyways now my husband refuses to take me to work (we have one car) and he told me to take the bus. I work long hours and I am tired, I want to nap after I work and I don’t want to be mugged with all my belongings (laptop/ tablet/ etc.) waiting for the bus as a woman standing alone. Whenever I am at home, I do my part and do chores around the house and help out with watching our kid so my husband can have a long break. He told me that it was a mistake to have gotten me pregnant and marry me and he wants to leave. I told him he can leave but I would need child support/ he told me no and that my parents can take care of me and our son. He told me that if our son was normal, he would maybe want to stay. I honestly don’t care if he stays or goes. I love my autistic son and I’m scared that I don’t have the finance to support my son if I become a single mother. At this point, I’m very tired& sad and at my wit’s end. I just wanted to rant because I have no one else I can talk to this about. Thanks for reading.	Sending you hugs. Well, the good news is that your husband doesn't get to decide whether or not he pays child support. The judge will decide. Don't know if one party recording is legal where you live, but I recommend getting a recording (more than one ideally) when he says this crap. And get a lawyer. And don't say anything to him about it until you consult your lawyer. , Husband + father of a 10 year old non-verbal autistic here. Your guy’s behavior can’t be attributed to burnout….he’s just an asshole. This can’t be saved, he’s never gonna man up. You currently have two dependents you’re taking care of. Time to shed one of em. Hubby doesn’t wanna be there, you don’t want him there. He’s probably making zero effort to connect with kiddo when you’re at work. You and him don’t need to have conversations about child support. Call an attorney, they’ll hammer out the details., It makes me super sad for you, my now deceased husband abandoned me and my autistic son. I was the main caretaker and the main bread winner (WFH), he couldn’t take care of him for more than two hours and would have meltdowns when my son would wake up at night. Mind you, he never had to wake up to take care of him, I’d go in his room with him and hang out). Anyways, I know it’s a shitty situation for you, but my life personally got better after he left us because his attitude was a total weight on both of us. Also, I don’t know how old your kid is, but once he goes to school you really only need someone to watch him a few hours after school. Anyways sending you best wishes, you got this, I’d be worried he will hurt the child while alone with him. Just tell him to leave, and the judge will sort out the child support situation. I’m sorry you are going through this!, I’m very sorry for your situation. There’s absolutely no excuse for a dad dropping out for caring for children. It’s his responsibility. I’ll give some perspective as a stay at home dad. I don’t know if any of this will help as he sounds far beyond where I was but it’s worth a shot. When I was a stay at home dad I was extremely depressed. There’s very few resources for dads and I was bored and had no support. I only met one stay at home dad in my entire time and we never clicked. When dads go through this the advice is always to stop being a bich and to just be a great dad. That’s it. That’s their advice. The same advice I got on my 3rd grade soccer team. There’s 1,000,000 times more resources for women than for stay at home dads. I made friends with many of the moms and eventually sorted myself out. It’s not really the same as having male friends in the same situation. I’m a pretty high functioning person and I was super surprised how hard it was and how little support there was for dads. I’m not sure most dads are very well equipped for this role and the lack of support made it even harder. I don’t have any advice for your particular situation. I can’t put myself in those shoes. But I do know as a stay at home dad that it isn’t an easy job. It’s difficult for anyone and for unequipped dads who never expected this role it’s harder. I might get downvoted for this post but really it’s very different than my wife experienced. We’ve discussed tit at length. The only thing I can leave you with is to consider his position. He has no support from the community. No friends in the same position. He’s likely poorly equipped emotionally for the role. And he’s got a special needs kid to care for. Maybe he’s hopeless. But I was in a similar position and pulled myself out of it. It took some understanding from everyone around me that the job is hard and it’s okay to be overwhelmed by it. But I do hope my perspective can help take some load off the poor guy and maybe something good can be saved here., I think we are missing some perspective here. Raising an autistic child can be overwhelming for 2 parents parenting together, imagine doing it alone. That's what your husband is doing right now. You're gone a lot of the time and he is left handling things at home. It's so easy to think you can do what he is doing when you arent there all the time. When a woman stays home and takes care of the house and kids and becomes overwhelmed, society is there to defend her. But when a husband does that, he is a miserable person? He might not be saying the nicest things but, has he always been like this? Is this recent? I don't think you're giving your husband any credit for how hard it is to be a stay at home parent, especially one with an autistic child. Honestly, work is my break because home life gets so draining and emotionally difficult with an autistic kid. And then you play the victim because on top of everything, you don't want to take the bus to work? You don't want to be a woman standing alone at the bus stop during regular working hours? I'd understand if it were 2 am or something, but daylight hours? You are asking him to prep himself and your child and all drive together to your work, all because you don't want to take the bus? I'd take the bus. Maybe, try putting yourself in your husband's shoes. He might be going through a lot right now (on top of having lost his job). Edit: AND you want to nap after work? My advice: copy everything you just said in this post, word for word, except make yourself the husband and him the wife. See what kinds of responses you get., Im sorry you are going through that. Having a high needs child is insanely difficult. I Hope he either steps up or step off. At least the kiddo has one good parent, I'm so sorry. This is very stressful on you. By any chance is your husband also ASD? I ask because my husband acts like this sometimes and refuses to get a diagnosis or get help even though it's pretty clear he's asd (when we did marriage counseling the therapist confirmed that what she saw were clear markers for asd). His behavior could be autistic burnout. That said, it's his responsibility to man the eff up and be there for his kid and you. No taksies backsies - I've got two kids on the spectrum and the only thing that keeps m relationship in tact at this moment is the fact that my husband loves his children very much and is a good provider for them. I'm always optional and the last on the list for needs met and it is what it is for now (they're teens, not little kids so it's not forever). This past summer my husband was in the middle of burnout because he's a brat but his behavior looked a lot like you're describing. I would talk to a lawyer and understand your rights because if they won't get help, it doesn't get better and you don't need two kids to be taking care of - you've already got your hands full. And LOL, he really doesn't understand the court system if he thinks he's not going to be paying any support. Sure he won't. Eye roll. Sending hugs to you., I’m sorry. I want to tell you I haven’t thought these things but I have. I’ve never said them but I was a person who in the past measured my success with my work. I became a sahm during the pandemic and it’s been miserable, since December has it gotten a million times better when my son was also diagnosed w comt ans mthfr and he stopped acting like electrical surges would going through him randomly. For me, I had to snap out of the grip depression had on me. I had to stop focusing on the bad and focus on anything good. I had to not let my intrusive thoughts slip my tongue, I had to exhibit self control/impulse control on my thoughts to my mouth or my texts. He needs to meter his frustrations into something else. Can you get any respite hours? Your marriage might be over but your husband also needs to talk to a therapist and get some help bc he’s an asshole but also a broken one. He’s so angry and clearly shouldn’t be at you. My heart goes out to you, I hope your parents can be a support system. I hope you get child support too. I hope your son is happy., This is depression. Get counseling and a babysitter it’s hard to be a full time parent of an autistic child. That is if you want to save your marriage. I am not defending his actions only suggesting a course to take time help change things. he shouldn’t act like this., It sounds like your husband is burnt out and begging for support. He shouldn’t have to do most of the parenting alone. That sounds so hard., Sad situation for you. In the long run, you and your son are better off without this miserable person in your lives. Good luck and stay strong., If this is new behavior, I would consider that your husband is having caregiver's burnout and is feeling desperate. Where are you? How old is your son? If you're in the US and your son is at least 3, he will qualify for public school services, and your husband can get a good few hours to himself to catch up on housework, run errands or relax. Or he could get a part time job that would get him around other adults. Is it possible for you to transition roles to one that requires less travel, so you can be home more often? If it is not new behavior and your husband has been equally toxic throughout your marriage, sorry, he is just an asshole and you would be better off without him. But you would still have to figure out a lot of logistics, because it doesn't sound like he would accept full custody after a divorce., As a SAHM, I wish I could give you a hug (if you are comfortable having hugs, that is). 🤗 I am so sorry for how crappy your "husband" is treating you. And your child does NOT deserve to have a parent like that in his life and treating him who knows how badly, when you are at work. It made my heart smile so much to know that you love your sweet little kid so much. 💜 I am so glad your little one has you as a mom who will love him no matter what! I think the "dad" needs to go. He's not doing either you or your child any favors sticking around. I really wish you both the best of luck. Sending you lots of love. 💜💜, You could probably still salvage your marriage depending on a few factors like how old is your child and how much longer until school will start. How long of stretches are you gone for and if there’s anyway to get him more support at home. Also if he would be willing to try therapy either solo or couples. Every child is different but with mine full time stay at home would make me and my wife miserable., Tell him not to let the door hit him in the ass on the way out. Toxic for you and especially your son, possibly dangerous. Just my two cents., Good thing he doesn’t get a Choice if he pays child support or not huh?, Wow he's a real asshole! None of us expected to have an autistic child but I wouldn't trade mine for the world! If my sons dad ever said any of those things I would be gone so quick his head would spin, If he doesn’t want to pay support, he can sign his rights away and then you won’t have to worry about him in your lives. You and your child deserve better than all this!, Both you and your son will be better off without this loser in your life. He is just dragging you down with him., Your child knows he's not loved by his dad, and that may make his behavior worse. Who watched your son before your husband lost his job? If your husband can't hold down a job that's a him issue. In fact this whole thing is a him issue. And he can say he doesn't want to pay child support but the government will say otherwise. Dump him and get child support., I’m pretty much caring for my ASD kids myself, I work a demanding job and the ex-wife still regularly misses her visits…. However, in my case, it’s been much easier and less stressful doing things myself. I know that isn’t in the case for everyone. If all I had to do was stay home and take care of the kids, that would be a total blast!!, in this situation, you have to protect yourself and your kid. Go speak to a family lawyer, get some professional advice. it's not your responsibility to fix your husband, he's a grown up. your responsibility is to yourself and your child. two happy homes are way better than one unhappy house. I genuinely hope that your husband, wakes up and realises that although this is different to how he imagined being a parent, he's still a father. It's what you make of it, it might be hard but there are still amazing, happy memories to be made., It sounds like you're nearly living a life of a single mother anyway. So he's either going to have to suck it up and take care of his kid while you're at work or he's going to have to get a job once you separate and pay somebody else to watch his kid. I'm so sorry. He sounds like a giant man baby. , 1-888-288-4762 This is an autism helpline. They will connect you with local programs. There's also a scholarship that you can apply for online for free child care. Best of luck! Because the situation you're in sounds very unhealthy. , I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm in the same situation as you. However, I work part-time, and we have 2 kids with ASD. Our middle son is 3 y non verbal and my husband keeps saying all the time that he wishes that he was never been born, that he is ruining our family, that he hopes that he was normal etc… I work at nights and I'm so close to quit because I don't think my middle son is safe. I wish I could just leave and take my kids with me, they deserve better but I can't, I don't have family ( I don't have siblings and my parents live out of country). I don't care when my middle son is old enough I will tell him everything., Oh that’s some good advice!!! Thank you!!!, Agree full heartedly, I’m laying on the couch with my nonverbal 3yr old and would do anything for him., Agreed. He sounds like a selfish immature jerk. I wonder if he has a video game addiction?, Please be careful listening to people on the internet about divorce. Yes the judge would order child support. Yes he would have to get a job and pay it. If you have to quit your job, the child support still might not be enough and the attorneys fees to work out problems can be significant. There is always the possibility that he generally fails at life and just owes you the money and has inadequate wages garnished as your only additional support. Sounds like you guys only have one car and a second is not an option. There is not a lot of money to go around in this situation. And if you throw him out over this situation you will just end up trapped exactly where he is with no one else to fire when you feel desperate., I’m sad for myself as well. I wish I was in better circumstances. Thank you for your thoughts. ❤️, I’m actually really flabbergasted! I never thought to see it from a dad’s point of view, I just thought about how he’s such a dck. But I kinda get it. Thank you for your thoughts!, We love the Autism Dad site., I wish Reddit still had Gold. There are no resources for dads. One local group I tried to join on Facebook kicked me out once they realized I was the dad in my profile picture (me and my wife both have unisex names). It is strange to me because I understand that yes women on average do much more of the childcare. But when I take my son to the doctor (which I do the majority of the time for all his appointments) I see many dads in there during the “work day” as well. In fact they generally out number the moms I see in the waiting room. At ABA it’s about 50/50 dads to moms. There was one dad doing drop off there and we really hit it off as we’re in the same field of work. We both currently work full time, but my job is 100% WFH in engineering. My wife would wonder why I wanted us to go out with friends or do meetups or something on the weekend. To get the babysitter and go to a concert. She likes it quiet and relaxed. One evening we were out with friends for some drinks and one asked how long it had been since I’d been out. I said the last time we met. And they just stared. Because it had been 3.5 months. No, besides my wife, I hadn’t met with another adult in person since the last time we all went out. I worked, provided coverage for my wife to go out on the weekend, and was 100% stay at home dad when work was gone. My wife finally understood when Covid happened. She was forced WFH and didn’t see anyone for months. Besides our then 1 year old and me, she didn’t see anyone and she about went stir crazy. Stay at home parents are typically lonely as it is. Having an autistic child that isn’t interested in play dates or going to attractions is just another nail in that coffin., Definitely missing some perspective. Leaving a partner with autistic child and no means of transportation can be quite challenging , especially if their kid has sensory issues in public. That means they are locked in the house 24/7. Going for therapies etc can be quite challenging if you have to go with public transport and drag autistic child with you who can any time go into sensory overload, or if he likes routine. As you said raising autistic child can be stressful on both parents yet alone on one that takes all the load and definitely going to work for parents with autistic kids is a break from parenting. My wife started working not because we needed financially but that she can just go out for 8 hours and focus on other things. I throw in sick day if need to cater for kids However, there are some red flags in OPs husband's behaviour. Yes you can feel like you are doing all the work but that doesn't mean you would abandon your kids, or ask for a paternity test. These are all red flags and indicators that the husband doesn't want to be a parent to their autistic kid. He is asking for divorce to be done with parenting. Not to be done with her and have shared custody. Now, we can argue that all could be consequence of him taking care of the kid and just simply mentally breaking down and having a burn out. Which quite possibly could be true. OP says she is barely home because of travel so this guy is on his own 24/7. Not sure of the severity their kid is, but we all know how meltdown can look like and how draining they can be. As a husband whether you go it's mostly mums and it's hard to make friendships and have some support outside home and if partner is not at home for most time it can be then quite lonely and depressed experience. Either way I would suggest therapy to hear other perspective rather then reading replies here and getting confirmation bias., I think given he cannot hold down a job there’s more going on than a struggle to transition to a sahd. There is a national dads group in the US. Hopefully some sahd decide to step up and actively create their local chapters. I have met so many sahd that are just waiting for everyone else to do it for them. https://athomedad.org/community/find-a-dad-group/ https://www.dadsgroup.org/, Thank you 🥺, Thank you so much for your thought, it makes my heart melt when I read everyone’s advice. I’m very sad and I see yours and his POV. He refuses to talk to a therapist. I’ve tried to get him to go and offered to go with him., Thank you 🥹, I was thinking weed. Thing is, if he was taking care of his family, I don’t care what he does to relax at night. I’m a big fan of marriage counseling…but this guy doesn’t even want it to work, Please do tell me the benefit of having this turd ball around though??, It’s definitely not easy, I sympathize with you. Some people don’t have the strength… I have a hard time understanding, but it’s unfortunately the truth. Just remember you deserve a caring partner, your kid deserves to be loved unconditionally. There are caring and good people out there. How is your support system? Any family or friends around who can somehow help?, I want to add one more thought. Men expect to provide for their families and your poor husband has been fired and can no longer provide for you. I’m sure that’s messing him up more than he will admit. I did it by choice and I had a really bad time. Your poor husband is doing it because he failed and that’s surely affecting him. We hate to talk about feelings but that doesn’t mean they don’t affect us. That doesn’t mean we want to talk about them. It just means we want someone to acknowledge them and support us to fight through them., I was kinda a dick too. But really I was overwhelmed. And had no support at all. Not from my wife. Not from my community. Not from my family. I don’t know your personal situation. But I was able to fix it. It took tremendous effort. I needed personal space. I needed a hobby and time to do it. I needed friends. After I got those things I was a far better dad. We all need to take care of ourselves first and sometimes nobody is there n your side. Maybe that’s how he feels., I highly suggest him going to work asap. Any job to get out of the house. The marriage MAY be over. That's something you two and hopefully a therapist can sort. I also highly suggest you get yourself into counseling (I had a great with betterhelp) for yourself. And take notes when husband says things. If this does go to court you need evidence. My husband did stay at home dad for over a year during covid (I was away working in Texas and NY) and he became very depressed. He's a good dad. He is just a sucky stay at home dad. Hugs for you guys., I completely agree with you. Regarding the red flags, there are definitely some but what are they attributed to? Are they red flags of an irreparable personality trait or due to mental health issues during a difficult situation? This community is so supportive of individuals and understanding of meltdowns, but they can not see that maybe this father is burnout and having a meltdown? He says he wants to leave the child, but will he really? Or was it just something said in anger? If their fights are triggering him as well (he sounds like he has a partner that is not understanding or supportive) he is more likely to say things just to try and hurt his wife. This is obviously not healthy but it might not be an irreparable personality trait. The father needs support and therapy, but the mother is no victim. The only victim here is the child who is stuck in the middle of two parents that lack support and understanding for each other., How do you know he can't hold down a job? She said he was laid off. "Laid off" and "can't hold down a job" are two completely different things. Given some of his reactions, maybe he is on the spectrum as well. We are here commenting on a subreddit for parents with autistic children. We know our kids are autistic. How would you feel if someone talked about your kid the way we are talking about this father, with a lack of understanding and compassion? This could be one of our kids in a similar relationship. I'm not saying everything he did was right, but to me, there are so many signs of a person that is hurting and struggling. He sounds like he needs to be heard and validated. And for everything he does, his wife just expects more and more (including naps after work)., I’m so sorry he won’t get help, sounds painful to deal w when he’s a fully able adult., You can't blame immaturity on weed. I have plenty friends that are holding down full-time jobs and are loving parents that smoke weed. , Who else will spend time with the ASD child at home for no money? A live in nanny probably costs more than OP makes in a year, and you still can’t pay someone to love your child., I don’t have any support system except for my “husband” because he’s the only one available and without him, I’d have to quit my job to care for my autistic son and I don’t have any money to care for him. I don’t even know if child support would be able to pay for my son’s therapy. I don’t have any friends in this state. We only moved to where we’re at because it’s cheap here and I can support whole family with my income alone. It’s sad that I feel like I have no other options. Thank you for your thoughts., You took everything I wrote in a very negative context. The father struggling with one child indicates that there is more going on with him than just struggling with parenting which you also indicate by thinking he is autistic. I just didn’t jump to autism because it could also just be many other conditions too. FYI he was fired not laid off Most all jobs pay more than one child in childcare, Amen., Just because he's there does not mean he's doing a good job. And doesn't really seem worth it if she's got to hear him piss and moan about it every single day to where it stresses her out. At at this point she's supporting two children. , If you haven’t already, please join a local Facebook parents of autistic children support group. There may be programs in your state that you don’t know about that can help with OT and other services. Many offer respite care. Every service available I learned about from my community. Just last week I attended a webinar about applying for a new service. I’ve learned a lot about IEPs from one group. Raising autistic kids takes a village, yet many don’t have one they can rely on. That’s when moderated Facebook support groups in your community can help fill the gap., I actually didn't take what you said in a negative context. There is a huge difference between "can't hold down a job" and being "laid off." If you've ever been through either, you'd know. I'm not sure what your last sentence means., Okeedoke. Well the darkest posts on this sub are from exhausted, borderline suicidal single parents. When she posts here one year from now with the “I can’t go on” post, I hope you will have some sage words to share beyond infantilizing her ex, who is only another child to take care of if your definition of “child” includes someone providing FREE at home full time child care for a special needs child. If it’s anything else, your smug dismissal of turd as “another child” actually does nothing productive and invites OP to burn down her only remaining support structure, no matter how meager., You don't know that he is taking care of that child appropriately and it is concerning that you insist on this stressful dysfunctional environment to continue. This man is emotionally abusive his wife, to the point where he doesn't even care about her safety. It is more unhealthy for everyone involved for it to continue. Do you want that child to grow up thinking it's normal for a man to treat her like that? There are FREE programs she can apply for. I would know because I have an autistic child, do YOU?? I'm sure the OP is more than capable to weigh her options, and make the decision that's best for her regardless of what we say. I have the same right to an opinion as you do, get over it, and grow the fuck up., Guy is a piece of shit. He’s gonna leave soon anyway. If he stays, is he gonna start taking his frustrations out on kiddo? Her parents will be more reliable help. And doesn’t OP deserve a chance at a loving relationship down the road?, “There are free programs you can apply to” that’s your advice? you don’t even know what state OP lives in. But hey, I guess all those suicidal posts from overwhelmed single parents were all by people who just weren’t smart enough to ask jessness024 whether “there are FREE programs”. Ok. Hang this, u/jessness024 has solved it ladies and gentlemen. And I’m off to grow up now. Good talk 🤦, Yeah it's really shows how you don't know shit about autistic kids. So you really shouldn't speak on topics you have no experience with. As soon as a child is diagnosed, you are given a list of resources. And though they may differ from state to state, they are always changing. There's even hotlines that you can call. There are scholarship she can apply for. It's a good thing you don't have an autistic kid I guess. Oh, by the way, I am a single parent, And I'm not suicidal. Tell me your biased and clueless without telling me your biased and clueless. , How much do you get in child support per week?, That's none of your business. Sorry not going to take the bait. , You probably don’t need it because of all the hotlines you have access to. men’s mental health struggles are real and they matter.
Mom guilt…	I’m just feeling a bit sad today I’m thinking about how I try to do crafts with my son but he just doesn’t have the attention span to sit down with me and do a craft😞 I keep trying and I won’t give up. Do any of you have this problem? And any advice would be greatly appreciated	I love doing crafts and creative things and my son was not interested at all until recently. The thing that started getting him more interested was doing more open-ended type of art: rolling out a giant piece of paper on the back patio and dumping out tons of different supplies to use, for example, and letting him just go to town. He also really loves when I get those paper tablecloths with pictures that you can color on. Being in kindergarten has done the most for this, though - I think in large part because they have to write \so much\ in kindergarten now and as a result his fine motor skills have really improved, and he's a lot more confident with drawing and using scissors and glue. Before we were in sort of a catch-22, he didn't want to do those things because he wasn't confident, but of course you can't get better with scissors or writing / drawing unless you practice. With kindergarten he gets a lot of practice., If he doesn't like crafts right now, maybe give up and join him in whatever activity he does like. Try again in a few months. It might be that he just has different interests than you do. That happens a lot. I love to bake and my boy will have no parts of it. I try once in a while to have him help me stir the bowl or whatever and he refuses. He is his own person. Sometimes I join him in his stim and he loves when I do that. That is how I connect with him. On his terms., Ah I feel this ❤️ Judging by your previous posts your son is around 3? Please be assured that this is very very young in autism terms IMHO. My son didn't start engaging in craft activities well until he was 6, but yesterday we made clay ornaments together and today we did colouring in and we finished all the pictures together ❤️ Please don't be too hard on yourself or your child! He may take a long time yet but just because your journey is slow doesn't mean that you won't get there. Try to engage with him in whatever HE chooses for now, even if he doesn't respond 'normally' you can focus on demonstrating how to play in a relaxed manner, he will learn so many skills just from watching you live them., I love doing crafts and creative things and my son was not interested at all until recently. The thing that started getting him more interested was doing more open-ended type of art: rolling out a giant piece of paper on the back patio and dumping out tons of different supplies to use, for example, and letting him just go to town. He also really loves when I get those paper tablecloths with pictures that you can color on. Being in kindergarten has done the most for this, though - I think in large part because they have to write \so much\ in kindergarten now and as a result his fine motor skills have really improved, and he's a lot more confident with drawing and using scissors and glue. Before we were in sort of a catch-22, he didn't want to do those things because he wasn't confident, but of course you can't get better with scissors or writing / drawing unless you practice. With kindergarten he gets a lot of practice., If he doesn't like crafts right now, maybe give up and join him in whatever activity he does like. Try again in a few months. It might be that he just has different interests than you do. That happens a lot. I love to bake and my boy will have no parts of it. I try once in a while to have him help me stir the bowl or whatever and he refuses. He is his own person. Sometimes I join him in his stim and he loves when I do that. That is how I connect with him. On his terms., Ah I feel this ❤️ Judging by your previous posts your son is around 3? Please be assured that this is very very young in autism terms IMHO. My son didn't start engaging in craft activities well until he was 6, but yesterday we made clay ornaments together and today we did colouring in and we finished all the pictures together ❤️ Please don't be too hard on yourself or your child! He may take a long time yet but just because your journey is slow doesn't mean that you won't get there. Try to engage with him in whatever HE chooses for now, even if he doesn't respond 'normally' you can focus on demonstrating how to play in a relaxed manner, he will learn so many skills just from watching you live them., I love doing crafts and creative things and my son was not interested at all until recently. The thing that started getting him more interested was doing more open-ended type of art: rolling out a giant piece of paper on the back patio and dumping out tons of different supplies to use, for example, and letting him just go to town. He also really loves when I get those paper tablecloths with pictures that you can color on. Being in kindergarten has done the most for this, though - I think in large part because they have to write \so much\ in kindergarten now and as a result his fine motor skills have really improved, and he's a lot more confident with drawing and using scissors and glue. Before we were in sort of a catch-22, he didn't want to do those things because he wasn't confident, but of course you can't get better with scissors or writing / drawing unless you practice. With kindergarten he gets a lot of practice., If he doesn't like crafts right now, maybe give up and join him in whatever activity he does like. Try again in a few months. It might be that he just has different interests than you do. That happens a lot. I love to bake and my boy will have no parts of it. I try once in a while to have him help me stir the bowl or whatever and he refuses. He is his own person. Sometimes I join him in his stim and he loves when I do that. That is how I connect with him. On his terms., Ah I feel this ❤️ Judging by your previous posts your son is around 3? Please be assured that this is very very young in autism terms IMHO. My son didn't start engaging in craft activities well until he was 6, but yesterday we made clay ornaments together and today we did colouring in and we finished all the pictures together ❤️ Please don't be too hard on yourself or your child! He may take a long time yet but just because your journey is slow doesn't mean that you won't get there. Try to engage with him in whatever HE chooses for now, even if he doesn't respond 'normally' you can focus on demonstrating how to play in a relaxed manner, he will learn so many skills just from watching you live them., I love doing crafts and creative things and my son was not interested at all until recently. The thing that started getting him more interested was doing more open-ended type of art: rolling out a giant piece of paper on the back patio and dumping out tons of different supplies to use, for example, and letting him just go to town. He also really loves when I get those paper tablecloths with pictures that you can color on. Being in kindergarten has done the most for this, though - I think in large part because they have to write \so much\ in kindergarten now and as a result his fine motor skills have really improved, and he's a lot more confident with drawing and using scissors and glue. Before we were in sort of a catch-22, he didn't want to do those things because he wasn't confident, but of course you can't get better with scissors or writing / drawing unless you practice. With kindergarten he gets a lot of practice., If he doesn't like crafts right now, maybe give up and join him in whatever activity he does like. Try again in a few months. It might be that he just has different interests than you do. That happens a lot. I love to bake and my boy will have no parts of it. I try once in a while to have him help me stir the bowl or whatever and he refuses. He is his own person. Sometimes I join him in his stim and he loves when I do that. That is how I connect with him. On his terms., Ah I feel this ❤️ Judging by your previous posts your son is around 3? Please be assured that this is very very young in autism terms IMHO. My son didn't start engaging in craft activities well until he was 6, but yesterday we made clay ornaments together and today we did colouring in and we finished all the pictures together ❤️ Please don't be too hard on yourself or your child! He may take a long time yet but just because your journey is slow doesn't mean that you won't get there. Try to engage with him in whatever HE chooses for now, even if he doesn't respond 'normally' you can focus on demonstrating how to play in a relaxed manner, he will learn so many skills just from watching you live them.
Most helpful interventions for toddler social skills and eye contact?	For those who intervened during the toddler years, what helped the most with teaching appropriate/social use of eye contact and teaching social skills? My daughter uses eye contact, but apparently not in the way she should and often does not use it at all. She is very socially motivated but lacks gestures, facial reactions, etc. I was told my daughter's cognitive scores were too high for ABA to be helpful and that she needed more interactive interventions. I don't know enough about ABA to understand if this is a legitimate comment or not, but as a single mom I feel overwhelmed with the task of needing to provide intensive social therapy for my daughter over the next year. Nevertheless I want to dive into any/every possible intervention I can to support her, especially while her brain is a little sponge building all those new neural connections. I just need some guidance. I was told to not exceed 4-5 hours/day in daycare as it wouldn't be stimulating enough and she will be starting tomorrow 2 mornings a week. I have already been implementing ESDM on my own since she was 7 months old but I admit I probably have a lot of room for improvement. Are there any good books that have helped (for her or for me)? Any/all advice is welcome, thank you.	Please do not force eye contact. Weekly occupational therapy with a neurodiversity affirming clinic to help with any motor or skill delays, vestibular input, proprioception, interoception, sensory challenges, etc., (a clinic that has a sensory gym, and not just sitting in a closed patient room), plus speech therapy if there are any language delays with their expressive or receptive language skills. Those two are a good baseline., I don't avoid eye contact because I'm unaware of how to do it. I avoid eye contact because it hurts so very very much. It hurts worse than looking at the sun. It makes me feel nauseous like I have been kicked in the sensitives. It is really hard to explain just how unpleasant it is. Please don't ask your child to make eye contact more than they feel comfortable doing on their own., Why? What will be gained by forcing eye contact and facial expressions apart from discomfort and teaching them to mask their needs and feelings. I'm a grown woman in a highly professional job, and when I have a day that eye contact and facial expressions aren't possible... nothing happens. Nothing at all. I go about my day, I speak to my colleagues when needed or wanted. Nothing changes., I don’t force eye contact but when talking to my son if he wants something I’ll hold it up to my face by my eyes. It has helped a lot naturally with eye contract. Now when I talk to him he looks by my eyes because that’s where he expects things to be., Floortime was the best for this. They don’t force eye contact. They encourage the parents to draw it out organically through play. My son continues to consistently give us eye contact eight years later., We don’t force eye contact, but I have noticed that if my daughter is at eye level with us, she is more apt to willingly engage in eye contact/back and forth with me., It sounds like you have been getting some odd advice. I have never heard of ABA being useless for kids with high cognitive skills. You just tailor the program to take their strengths into account. In fact, if you are doing ESDM, you are doing ABA. The authors identify that as the basis of their approach. ABA can work on social skills. There are providers that run social skills groups. I would perhaps look for one of those. And you probably shouldn't be working on eye contact. It causes distress without having any real benefit. There are plenty of cultures where people don't make eye contact, so it is purely making your kid perform Western cultural norms., Forcing eye contact is a no-no. There is literally no point in that. While considered the common “custom” in social interactions, demanding eye contact from an autistic child or autistic adult is beyond baffling. Eye contact is not required for a child/adult to engage with you. And while it has lost popular favor with lots of ABA providers there is still a hyper-focus on it in facilities that are way behind the times. And while I think social skills in general are good in concept, I wouldn’t be interested in any that are forging my child to react with facial gestures that are not their own natural reaction. Again, that’s baffling…However, I don’t think being autistic means someone requires any particular therapy or intervention, therapies should only be based on needs., Another vote against forcing eye contact. In addition to what others have already said it can actually make it so your kid has a harder time knowing and understanding what is being said, since they are too busy focusing on forcing eye contact to absorb the actual message., I love how educated you want to be for your LO I don’t have any advice as my son is only 2 and a half so we’re only about a year into his diagnosis but I’m curious as to what they mean when they say she doesn’t use eye contact like she should? What does that even mean? Also how old is your LO?, Another for no forced eye contact. My son doesn't have to look me in the eye for me to know he's listening. He'll either repeat what I say and do it, answer yes, or tell me no. Lol. I have him in Mother's Day Out and there's a mix of neurotypical and neurodivergent kiddos in his class. He's done great. He also comes from a long line of charismatic people, so there's some genetics in play as well., Find an ESDM therapy center if you can! It changed my toddler’s life; we paid out of pocket and were prepared to move out of state for one., Please DO NOT FORCE EYE CONTACT. It is not necessary to be social or communicate., please don't force eye contact. i don't do it because it's highly uncomfortable to look at people. i can hardly look at faces of people i don't like perhaps you can teach her other ways that allow her to show she's paying attention that don't make her uncomfortable?, >What will be gained by forcing eye contact and facial expressions She will gain social acceptance in a NT world >apart from discomfort and teaching them to mask their needs and feelings Yes it will cause discomfort but the benefits far exceed the discomfort. Everyone masks, even NTs. But for people w social disabilities, not learning masking will be huge hindrance is social and proffesional settings >I'm a grown woman in a highly professional job, and when I have a day that eye contact and facial expressions aren't possible... nothing happens. This is quite unusual. Most socially disabled people struggle enormously with keeping their job. A big reason is bcs we make people uncomfortable because we're so socially different. In coorporate words,we're "nota good fit with the company culture", Agreed. ABA should tailored to your child’s ability and what they need. The ABA program we use for our son is similar to preschool. They have circle time, they play, they share and work on life skills.
Mourning what could have been	My son was diagnosed with autism when he was 5 he is level 1. We never really noticed anything. He was very behind socially. He is now almost 11 and he is regressing. All of a sudden loud noises bother him, large groups, he is stimming like flapping and jumping, he echos and masks, intense meltdowns. I all of a sudden have this intense sadness like I am mourning his diagnosis. I want to make this clear. He is perfect in my eyes and is exactly how he is suppose to be. However sense having this realization that we now have to put him in so many services he never needed before I feel like intense wave of sadness. I have no idea why I feel like this. Has anyone else felt like this or can explain what they went through.	I have a 14 year old. Puberty and him getting older has been tough on me. In our case I feel so much loneliness. It was easy to overlook behaviors and still have parent initiated playdates when he was little. But now his peers are developing more socially and everyone is involved in sports, choir, band, etc. They have all these new and exciting things happening…and we don’t. I don’t have any advice, just want you to know you aren’t alone., I think it does come in waves and every age/ phase brings a new challenge. We just received confirmation that my son will be getting 1:1 support at school and I'm a mixture of happy that he's getting it and devastated that he needs it. Hope things settle down for your son soon., Just here to give you a virtual hug 🫂, My son was diagnosed right before 2 and is now 6 years old. I know exactly what you’re going through. It is tough as he gets older the “oh he’s just a toddler” explanation is no longer valid and his differences amongst his peers are becoming so much more obvious with each passing day. Allow yourself to feel these feelings in their entirety. They’re valid and very common amongst people in our community. I will say that going to ABA,speech, and OT therapies everyday/week since 2019 has helped him in so many ways so I’m glad you’re getting your boy services. I’m sorry you’re mourning and as a mother, I feel your pain and wish you peace and healing, and wish your son progress and endless love and support from his community., I feel you and completely understand. My son is three and diagnosed, and I try to see positives like the doctors and help group’s encourage me to do, but in truth all I see is how his life will be harder and what he will miss out on. Every single day since his diagnosis I cry and think about what will happen after I die, will he be forgotten and thrown into some government home and treated with indifference? The not knowing eats me alive every day. I pray it gets easier for you, but i have no advice sadly., I’m in the same boat right now. My daughter is 11 and seems to be regressing more the older she gets. I don’t have any advice but just wanted you to know I understand how you are feeling, Feel it girl. Let yourself grieve for the child you thought you would have. Its okay, i think weve all been through it. You are not a bad person for feeling this way, and are entitled to those feelings. Just remember that after the wave passes that you are also blessed, remember all the amazing moments you have had together, all the milestones that were late but never amazed you any less. Remember how you've been through so much and came out a better mama in the end of it all. I'm in tears writing this because i know exactly how it feels. feel it, but pull those bootstraps up when the rain passes and your ready to face what challenges may come., It's puberty most likely or sometging else. Have you seen a doc?, If it helps at all, I do not think he is regressing. This sounds like autism burnout, I went trough it at that time too. It's the age you start to realize you are different, and others realize you are different. It is a hard time for any kid socially, especially an autistic one. Masking takes all your energy at that age (fuck it still does for me and I am an adult), so that causes meltdowns more quickly. For me I became way healthier once I hit fifteen. (but I also had a ton of childhood trauma to process so hopefully for your son it is quicker). Something I can highly reccomend is noise cancelling headphones. Those things are a lifesaver holy shit. They made school way easier for me and I wear them all the time, sometimes even to bed., It’s always okay to mourn and grieve for your expectations vs. reality. I’ve found that the grief doesn’t go away, really., I'm having a hard time watching Facebook, other peoples kids doing all sorts of things and going places and my daughter (11) has so few interests and too many aversions, I totally get it. My 4yo has so much potential that will be made difficult to realize due to his social handicaps. I feel a pang of bitterness every time my sister sends snaps of her daughter who's 2 months younger talking and having conversations, fully potty trained. But I adore my boy, never loved anything or anyone so intensely., Yeah, my son had me feeling like this at a point in time. The meltdowns were so bad his mother and I decided to have him change schools. He had such a bad meltdown that he said something along the lines of he wanted to drive a school bus off a bridge (he was 8 at the time) because he cried when his classmates and teacher called him a crybaby after he banged his head against his desk out of frustration due the teacher giving him detention for not completing his papers and just playing with his shoes and fingers (this is what his teacher said) it was extremely stressful, the school called the cops on him. This was a situation that happened with my son and I pre-diagnosis. He's now getting all the treatment we can afford and in a different school which he seems to be thriving in at the age of 10. It felt extremely lonely, like drowning in problems. Like you want to do everything right, but somehow everything is your fault. It's fucking lonely, but you're not alone. I wish the best for your baby, you can do this., Honestly, my NT daughter was really rough during those years. OMG! It was like a completely different person! Kids got mean, cliquey, exclusive. Those years made her upset and insecure. ND kids would probably sometimes feel that it’s because of their differences that they’re getting treated like crap. I don’t really know what my point is other than to say, those years suck. I wish everyone luck and hoping each of you finds that things settle out as their kids grow a bit older. Love to all!, I know how you feel, friend. Our daughter is 10, going into 5th grade, with ASD L1 and ADHD. It seems like every time we make a little progress, she regresses massively. It almost seems like she’s locked in a perpetual state of being in kindergarten in the way she plays and socializes. She doesn’t really fit in with other kids her age, not even the other autistic kids in her special ed class, and it’s getting harder and harder for her to express her feelings. She’s recently adopted shouting “I HATE MYSELF AND I WANT TO DIE” any time she’s asked to do something she doesn’t want to do, like chores or turning off the TV, whereas she used to be able to simply say she didn’t want to or that she’s simply upset or frustrated. And after waiting for three years on a waitlist to get some one on one support, we FINALLY met with a provider who would be able to meet with her at home for 12 hours a week - only to be told two weeks later that their office was shutting down, and their next closest office doesn’t service our area. I have no advice. Just want to acknowledge that it’s rough and you’re not alone., Heh. Amen., I’m level one with a level two kid, and my anxiety from ages 10 - 15 was unreal. Puberty hormones made me go from being an energetic kid to feeling like I absolutely could not sit down. I used to pace our house, listening to music on my Walkman, chewing on my hoodie string to try to make my brain feel less like it was absolutely on fire. But—it got better! I’ve had lots of “normal” life experiences—I went to prom, college, got married, had a kid. I’m an underachiever outwardly, but my pretty small, routine life is what I can handle, and I’m happy. This is going to be a tough time for him, so I think it’s completely normal for you to feel some sadness. “What could have been” is easy to romanticize because it’s not. You could have had a kid who bullies others or whatever. When I think of what having a “normal” kid would be like, it’s like this perfect kid who doesn’t exist., not exact same but feel you because am go though really bad autism regression too but late adolescence like before regression psych person say level 2 but now tests say severe and try get full neuropsych again but all doctor say no because nonverbal & too severe it really really hard lose so much. lose language communication, struggle talk entire life but regression made nonverbal and many times non-communicative with words at all, lose social, lose adaptive functioning, behaviors get worse get explode angry get violent meltdowns. really really suck have planned future destroy and need so much help have lot more want say don’t know how say but guess end with give it time & be sad abt it never all go away never stopped think about what could been but get more more accept reality & new normal slowly and am glad you there support him advocate for him for supports because me parents not understand & opposite of give help and that make it much much much hard much more hopeless, Step 12yr old here, and puberty has hit HARD. Started hitting himself, extreme rages and zoning out, all fairly new. It's sad and his dad (autistic himself) feel powerless and can't help but lose his own temper. I can empathise, it's so hard., And it’s completely ok and normal for you to Feel this sense of grief. We all have hopes and dreams for our children & any sense of suffering can really bring feelings of grief and guilt. Well done for opening up about those feelings. Talking about them is healthier than suppressing. 💗, I get frustrated with all the "senior" stuff we get in the mail for my 17 yr old. We had to laugh at the military flyers and the ads for driver's ed (things my kids will never be cognitively able to do). Sure, give my kid a gun and a car...lol., [removed], my older son doesn’t start these symptoms unless he is playing horror games or shock based games because i think it just eliminates his threshold to cope with daily intensity. i try to reduce his use but it’s hard in summer., This was my experience too. The differences really became apparent around fifth grade. Middle school years I felt immense sadness. You are not alone. It’s hard, [removed], My child is only four and these are things I worry about as he gets older. Does he not do extracurriculares because he isn’t able to or doesn’t want to? My son has started swimming classes and he loves them but we are trying to encourage individual sports like swim, golf and gymnastics. I’m just looking for insight but feel free not to respond., This is me. I’m relieved he’s getting help and so sad we’re at this point. It’s very difficult to explain to others my feeling- even to myself truthfully, I need as many as I can get to get. Thank you, I have been dealing with this for almost 11 years and now that I’m feeling this deep sadness. I will tell you this. Your son was made exactly as his intended him to. Start yourself early and get AS MANY services you possibly can. ABA, ICC, family partner, therapeutic mentor, in home therapy, one on one therapy, speech, OT, PT if they need it. Get an IEP and always do your homework on what could help him and never let a school system bully you. Always stand up for what you know is right. Make sure you have a new nuero psych exam every few years, apply for SSI, and the department of developmental services. I know it’s ALOT and overwhelming. The more services we provide our children the better they will be for a world that does not conform to them. I know it’s hard mama but take an easy on yourself. Like someone else said take everything for granted and learn to laugh and smile and enjoy the positives. I can tell you that the future terrifies me. I do not know what will happen to my loving little boy when he turns 18. I have no idea if he will marry, have kids. My one hope that keeps me going is knowing I have him the BEST chance at success. Doing all the therapies you can provide. Here’s a hug from me to you. 🫶🏻, I suffer from this often having been a caregiver in a government home. And then I feel even shittier like I shouldn’t feel so sad . But I do because my children’s futures feel unprotected and I hope I can push myself to build enough financial security between now and death to secure their future but I feel so helpless sometimes, Thanks so I appreciate that so much. It’s hard for sure. I feel so uncertain with his future and what life may have for him. Is he going to live on his own, have kids, a wife? I feel like we’re doing so much therapy but in my mind I feel like I’m just mourning and I don’t even know if that’s the appropriate way to put it. But it’s sucks, Not trying to take away from anything you said at all, but OP could be a dad., I was thinking this, too. Possibly puberty. I also just read a post from an adult with ASD. They said 5th grade (age 11), was about the time they started really trying to mask, to fit in. Maybe your son is dealing with social pressure to ‘fit in’; not pressure by you, but maybe by himself and his peers?, Repeatedly posting in this thread is taking away from your reminiscing about that time Horrid Henry pantsed someone hobby., are you even a parent. Why are you here, This post/comment was removed for parent shaming. If you cannot engage with compassion, please take a break before trying again. Repeated violations of this rule will result in a ban., 5th is when we saw the drastic shift in friends, too. My son started calling himself weird, kids don't like him anymore, etc. I'm terrified of 6th and beyond.. he's going to just continue to be left behind., Stop this judgement., Be a better person., This post/comment was removed for use of abusive language. Please be mindful of the language you are using, and treat others with kindness and respect. Repeated violations will be banned., This post/comment was removed for parent shaming. If you cannot engage with compassion, please take a break before trying again. Repeated violations of this rule will result in a ban., You too are loved. Good luck ❤️, We’ve tried sooooo many extracurriculars over the years. We have had the most luck with gymnastics, biking, rock climbing, and golf. It was easier when he was younger and those activities only met once a week. In high school they practice 5-6 days in a row and are so competitive. His social anxiety and rigidity are too high to be able to handle something that demanding on top of school. We keep searching for the right extracurricular fit., When he turns 18 start the application for SSDI/SSI and get him Medicaid I waited till my twins were 24 and we missed out on a lot of resources they could have benefited from just because I didn’t want them to be labeled disabled too soon. One did get through college but the other really struggled, and having that even a little bit of independent income and access to OT/PT would have done so much. I will tell you that what got me through ages 8-adult was spite. To everyone that made it harder I was like “FU watch us”, Thanks so much. Love and appreciate you., Yeah I was injured in a workplace accident three years ago, and i had to spend 18 days in a “rehab facility” and it was hell on earth. It made me rethink my views on prison and rehab and it all but broke my mind. And i can speak for myself and voice an opinion. My son can’t. It terrifies me that similar will happen to him., I think it’s ok to mourn what could have been. My stance is I don’t want to limit my daughters future but I also want to be realistic. I’m not sure I’ve figured out what that is yet, You have to mourn. Unfortunately, there is no moving to acceptance without feeling it. And it sucks!! I'm sorry you are all going through this. My daughter is older, and it still happens to us, but it really gets better, and you move to a different place emotionally. Hugs to all of you., Very true and apology if so! used to my autism mom group, and i didn't check to look, thanks for pointing that out., If it gives you any hope, my son is now 19 and during high school did develop a small group of friends who are also a bit “different” in one way or another. Middle school were the hardest years, but there is hope on the other side, Ah that makes a lot of sense and something I’ve never considered! Thank you so much for answering. The stress and anxiety of having a child with ASD has been very hard for me., Spite is a perfectly good reason to keep going., Mom, dad...it's not about us, it's about our babies. Initially I was offended as a father, but your words and experience hold truth and I respect and appreciate that you said it either way.
Moving to a Townhome	It's been a pretty chaotic year, but we're celebrating some pretty significant milestones and so proud of our LO progress. She's trying so hard! Receptive and expressive language have definitely blossomed a ton, though she's still in the early stages. She's 4 and we're going to attempt potty training again soon which is a whole other ball game I'll need advice on..but for now- We discovered the house we bought has asbestos beneath it that was never removed when the seller said it was, so we are moving into a townhome situation for the next 3-5 years, while we save up to move closer to my family in another state. In a house of our own again. The townhome is so nice, and it's a new neighborhood so I'm grateful, but I'm concerned about our neighbors being mindful of our sweetpea. She doesn't meltdown constantly like before, she's very adaptive and patient all things considered, but when she does it's LOUD and same goes for some of her excited noises. Just bloodcurdling scream that makes my poor heart freeze, just to realize she's ecstatic and totally fine lol. Idk if I should write letters with a little treat bag for the neighbors explaining that she's autistic and these things are typical for autism, not to call cops right away or make a complaint? Should I give out my number? I hope the soundproofing is good in these homes but I have no way of knowing. I think keeping others informed is always helpful to getting them to empathize but it scares me nonetheless. What would you all do? Just wait and address it as it comes?	When we moved into a townhouse we did post a note to those we shared a wall with. No treat, though., I say just wait and address it as it comes. You giving out your number would be weird. Writing a letter with a treat back is also weird especially when they don’t know who you are. I’m sure you’ll bump into your neighbors and get to know each other more. Once you established a relationship or if they are questioning then let them know that your child is autistic., I think a quick visit or note on the shared walled neighbors just to introduce yourselves with a mention of your LO isn’t a bad idea, but waiting is totally fine too. Wouldn’t give out your personal number until you’re at least acquainted., No treat, but do introduce yourselves. If there is an HOA, introduce your daughter to the board at the next meeting. Don't tell everyone about the screaming, just tell them about the autism., When we moved into a townhouse we did post a note to those we shared a wall with. No treat, though., I say just wait and address it as it comes. You giving out your number would be weird. Writing a letter with a treat back is also weird especially when they don’t know who you are. I’m sure you’ll bump into your neighbors and get to know each other more. Once you established a relationship or if they are questioning then let them know that your child is autistic., I think a quick visit or note on the shared walled neighbors just to introduce yourselves with a mention of your LO isn’t a bad idea, but waiting is totally fine too. Wouldn’t give out your personal number until you’re at least acquainted., No treat, but do introduce yourselves. If there is an HOA, introduce your daughter to the board at the next meeting. Don't tell everyone about the screaming, just tell them about the autism., When we moved into a townhouse we did post a note to those we shared a wall with. No treat, though., I say just wait and address it as it comes. You giving out your number would be weird. Writing a letter with a treat back is also weird especially when they don’t know who you are. I’m sure you’ll bump into your neighbors and get to know each other more. Once you established a relationship or if they are questioning then let them know that your child is autistic., I think a quick visit or note on the shared walled neighbors just to introduce yourselves with a mention of your LO isn’t a bad idea, but waiting is totally fine too. Wouldn’t give out your personal number until you’re at least acquainted., No treat, but do introduce yourselves. If there is an HOA, introduce your daughter to the board at the next meeting. Don't tell everyone about the screaming, just tell them about the autism., When we moved into a townhouse we did post a note to those we shared a wall with. No treat, though., I say just wait and address it as it comes. You giving out your number would be weird. Writing a letter with a treat back is also weird especially when they don’t know who you are. I’m sure you’ll bump into your neighbors and get to know each other more. Once you established a relationship or if they are questioning then let them know that your child is autistic., I think a quick visit or note on the shared walled neighbors just to introduce yourselves with a mention of your LO isn’t a bad idea, but waiting is totally fine too. Wouldn’t give out your personal number until you’re at least acquainted., No treat, but do introduce yourselves. If there is an HOA, introduce your daughter to the board at the next meeting. Don't tell everyone about the screaming, just tell them about the autism.
My mom-stincs are SCREAMING	So I don't know if this is the best place to ask but I'm at a loss. My daughter (8F) I'll refer to her as A in this post. Throughout all her life she's always been a little quirky and has done things her own way. She's extremely intelligent. Her teachers all sat the same things and that is that anytime she is called on by the teacher she literally shuts down. She's always walked on her tip toes since she began walking. I've gotten her surgery to stretch her akles tendon and walk flat. However she just couldn't balance and if she did and walked flat footed she locks her knees (I can't think of anything else to explain that in another way) Yes She's done PT and had braces made but none of it changed how she walked. She has bathroom issues also. Like she constantly has accidents because she says she doesn't know when she needs to use the bathroom. Sometimes when you talk to her she just stares at you. If she gets overwhelmed or doesn't like what is going on she goes and waits in the truck (if we're out and about) or finds a small space to crouch down in it. I have really been thinking she's on the spectrum but very high functioning. I guess I'm just looking for advice on how to go about getting her to the correct doctors to have a definitive answer on what's going on. All the mom-stincts in me are telling me I need to do anything and everything I can so I can learn what my girl needs from me. But then I second guess myself and I don't know what to do or how to get the right doctors. I live in a very very rural area so it doesn't have any resources.	\>She has bathroom issues also. Like she constantly has accidents because she says she doesn't know when she needs to use the bathroom. She needs to see a neurologist. For Asd a developmental pediatrician or psychiatrist but the bathroom issue can be neurological as can tip toe walking. Yes it can be sensory as well but PT not helping at all and balance issues is concerning. Did you have a traumatic birth with her?, Get an evaluation from a developmental psychologist or pediatric neurologist. As she toe walks and with the bathroom issues the pediatric neurologist is probably the better option, although I think they are more difficult to schedule an appointment. Does she have a pilonidal dimple? If she does and didn’t have an ultrasound as a young baby you probably also need to do a mri. You may need to travel to go to appointments. If you have friends or family in a more populated region in your state see if they can help. (Be careful of getting out of network providers)., No advice on your situation, but good on you for recognizing she may need extra support. You're a great parent!, My son was younger when he was "flagged" by his teachers for some of his behaviors. Essentially, I emailed our pediatrician and said I needed to begin the process of having my son evaluated by a developmental pediatrician. And she set up the referral. I didn't have to justify why I wanted it done. That may be a good place to start!, My daughter toe walks, at home she wears fit flop brand “rocker shoes” it’s helped allot, they go down to a women’s size 5 but she was wearing my slide style fit flop 2 sizes too big. Total accidental discovery she just started putting mine on. I don’t like the toe thong style (for myself mostly a style thing) but they have allot of top of foot slide style and boots, I got her a pair that look like Uggs. Before hoka became trendy rocker style sneakers were an orthotic and PT thing help people walk with more muscle engagement and stretch similar injuries to toe walking. Before she started wearing fit flops she wore cowboy boots sometimes. I feel like it’s only a partial fix, it’s still a little heel but my daughter walked well in them. My daughter also loves wearing heels and legit rocks them and wants to wear them all the time. The rocker style shoes can be exhausting and uncomfortable first few wears, if you celebrate Easter maybe hop on Amazon and see if you can find some fun looking ones and encourage them as big girl shoes around the house. My daughter rollerblades as PT and can ski a bit but she still has tight hamstrings. Look into a small bungee style trampoline (like 47 inch) these were popular for fitness at Christmas and are popping up all over Facebook marketplace that will require her to use heels. My daughter does all these things and still toe walks at times, for us it comes and goes particularly noticeable under stress. Good cowboy boots, brand new fit flops and new trampoline can all be found around the $40 neighborhood on eBay poshmark Facebook marketplace etc. I got my bungee trampoline years ago from bellicon it was expensive but it’s lasted, I’m in groups for it and people are saying that brand is back ordered. I’m in groups for that and people are finding them on FB marketplace regularly. Bungee style gives much more feedback than spring style, it’s very Cushy and doubles as a calm down area, Def check with a neurologist. I'm socially a bit odd but also have a totally unrelated neuro issue., You could have described my oldest daughter here. This does sound like a spectrum issue. (And yes, girls present a bit differently so it's sometimes hard to spot! I always just assumed my kid was smart but just quirky. I had no idea until I looked into female autism behaviors. Trust your mom instincts.) I would talk to the pediatrician first and see if they have more info/resources or could refer you to a specialist., No not at all., How does a pilonidal dimple matter here? Because yes, she was born with the little dimple right above her butt crack. They checked her and said she was fine and it should not have any effect on her life., I really appreciate that Thank You, My daughter has always worn shoes fine. She's done much better since her surgery she just prefers to walk tip toed. It doesn't affect her doing anything what so ever., Okay thank you ❤️, Ok that's good but please see a neurologist. Not feeling the need to urinate is worrisome and not really an autism symptom, If they checked with an ultrasound then it’s fine. They are related to spina bifida. It’s uncommon but some children can have some spinal cord problems. That’s why it’s important. They show up as lower body problems like fecal incontinance. Once a kid isn’t an infant they have to do an mri to check (too much for ultrasound to see through anymore). Our original NP skipped the ultrasound, my son had to have the mri after switching doctors. He has a track but no other involvement. I would suggest getting a second opinion. If no ultrasound was done., It can be. Autistic people often struggle with interoception., My daughter is 7F and also asd. She also has a lot of bathroom accidents because she “doesn’t feel the need to go” she will go when we put her on the potty every 30 minutes. Or if we tell her to go but has problems knowing when she should go herself and doesn’t tell us., Yes but it is a good idea to check it out and rule out anything else before jumping to oh this is because of their asd especially as there are other medical conditions that can cause this like mild CP etc, Yes but you checked it out with a doctor as well. My son was having absence seizures people kept brushing off as stimming as he visually stims....I'm glad I recorded him and got second opinions, \>She has bathroom issues also. Like she constantly has accidents because she says she doesn't know when she needs to use the bathroom. She needs to see a neurologist. For Asd a developmental pediatrician or psychiatrist but the bathroom issue can be neurological as can tip toe walking. Yes it can be sensory as well but PT not helping at all and balance issues is concerning. Did you have a traumatic birth with her?, Get an evaluation from a developmental psychologist or pediatric neurologist. As she toe walks and with the bathroom issues the pediatric neurologist is probably the better option, although I think they are more difficult to schedule an appointment. Does she have a pilonidal dimple? If she does and didn’t have an ultrasound as a young baby you probably also need to do a mri. You may need to travel to go to appointments. If you have friends or family in a more populated region in your state see if they can help. (Be careful of getting out of network providers)., No advice on your situation, but good on you for recognizing she may need extra support. You're a great parent!, My son was younger when he was "flagged" by his teachers for some of his behaviors. Essentially, I emailed our pediatrician and said I needed to begin the process of having my son evaluated by a developmental pediatrician. And she set up the referral. I didn't have to justify why I wanted it done. That may be a good place to start!, My daughter toe walks, at home she wears fit flop brand “rocker shoes” it’s helped allot, they go down to a women’s size 5 but she was wearing my slide style fit flop 2 sizes too big. Total accidental discovery she just started putting mine on. I don’t like the toe thong style (for myself mostly a style thing) but they have allot of top of foot slide style and boots, I got her a pair that look like Uggs. Before hoka became trendy rocker style sneakers were an orthotic and PT thing help people walk with more muscle engagement and stretch similar injuries to toe walking. Before she started wearing fit flops she wore cowboy boots sometimes. I feel like it’s only a partial fix, it’s still a little heel but my daughter walked well in them. My daughter also loves wearing heels and legit rocks them and wants to wear them all the time. The rocker style shoes can be exhausting and uncomfortable first few wears, if you celebrate Easter maybe hop on Amazon and see if you can find some fun looking ones and encourage them as big girl shoes around the house. My daughter rollerblades as PT and can ski a bit but she still has tight hamstrings. Look into a small bungee style trampoline (like 47 inch) these were popular for fitness at Christmas and are popping up all over Facebook marketplace that will require her to use heels. My daughter does all these things and still toe walks at times, for us it comes and goes particularly noticeable under stress. Good cowboy boots, brand new fit flops and new trampoline can all be found around the $40 neighborhood on eBay poshmark Facebook marketplace etc. I got my bungee trampoline years ago from bellicon it was expensive but it’s lasted, I’m in groups for it and people are saying that brand is back ordered. I’m in groups for that and people are finding them on FB marketplace regularly. Bungee style gives much more feedback than spring style, it’s very Cushy and doubles as a calm down area, Def check with a neurologist. I'm socially a bit odd but also have a totally unrelated neuro issue., You could have described my oldest daughter here. This does sound like a spectrum issue. (And yes, girls present a bit differently so it's sometimes hard to spot! I always just assumed my kid was smart but just quirky. I had no idea until I looked into female autism behaviors. Trust your mom instincts.) I would talk to the pediatrician first and see if they have more info/resources or could refer you to a specialist., No not at all., How does a pilonidal dimple matter here? Because yes, she was born with the little dimple right above her butt crack. They checked her and said she was fine and it should not have any effect on her life., I really appreciate that Thank You, My daughter has always worn shoes fine. She's done much better since her surgery she just prefers to walk tip toed. It doesn't affect her doing anything what so ever., Okay thank you ❤️, Ok that's good but please see a neurologist. Not feeling the need to urinate is worrisome and not really an autism symptom, If they checked with an ultrasound then it’s fine. They are related to spina bifida. It’s uncommon but some children can have some spinal cord problems. That’s why it’s important. They show up as lower body problems like fecal incontinance. Once a kid isn’t an infant they have to do an mri to check (too much for ultrasound to see through anymore). Our original NP skipped the ultrasound, my son had to have the mri after switching doctors. He has a track but no other involvement. I would suggest getting a second opinion. If no ultrasound was done., It can be. Autistic people often struggle with interoception., My daughter is 7F and also asd. She also has a lot of bathroom accidents because she “doesn’t feel the need to go” she will go when we put her on the potty every 30 minutes. Or if we tell her to go but has problems knowing when she should go herself and doesn’t tell us., Yes but it is a good idea to check it out and rule out anything else before jumping to oh this is because of their asd especially as there are other medical conditions that can cause this like mild CP etc, Yes but you checked it out with a doctor as well. My son was having absence seizures people kept brushing off as stimming as he visually stims....I'm glad I recorded him and got second opinions, \>She has bathroom issues also. Like she constantly has accidents because she says she doesn't know when she needs to use the bathroom. She needs to see a neurologist. For Asd a developmental pediatrician or psychiatrist but the bathroom issue can be neurological as can tip toe walking. Yes it can be sensory as well but PT not helping at all and balance issues is concerning. Did you have a traumatic birth with her?, Get an evaluation from a developmental psychologist or pediatric neurologist. As she toe walks and with the bathroom issues the pediatric neurologist is probably the better option, although I think they are more difficult to schedule an appointment. Does she have a pilonidal dimple? If she does and didn’t have an ultrasound as a young baby you probably also need to do a mri. You may need to travel to go to appointments. If you have friends or family in a more populated region in your state see if they can help. (Be careful of getting out of network providers)., No advice on your situation, but good on you for recognizing she may need extra support. You're a great parent!, My son was younger when he was "flagged" by his teachers for some of his behaviors. Essentially, I emailed our pediatrician and said I needed to begin the process of having my son evaluated by a developmental pediatrician. And she set up the referral. I didn't have to justify why I wanted it done. That may be a good place to start!, My daughter toe walks, at home she wears fit flop brand “rocker shoes” it’s helped allot, they go down to a women’s size 5 but she was wearing my slide style fit flop 2 sizes too big. Total accidental discovery she just started putting mine on. I don’t like the toe thong style (for myself mostly a style thing) but they have allot of top of foot slide style and boots, I got her a pair that look like Uggs. Before hoka became trendy rocker style sneakers were an orthotic and PT thing help people walk with more muscle engagement and stretch similar injuries to toe walking. Before she started wearing fit flops she wore cowboy boots sometimes. I feel like it’s only a partial fix, it’s still a little heel but my daughter walked well in them. My daughter also loves wearing heels and legit rocks them and wants to wear them all the time. The rocker style shoes can be exhausting and uncomfortable first few wears, if you celebrate Easter maybe hop on Amazon and see if you can find some fun looking ones and encourage them as big girl shoes around the house. My daughter rollerblades as PT and can ski a bit but she still has tight hamstrings. Look into a small bungee style trampoline (like 47 inch) these were popular for fitness at Christmas and are popping up all over Facebook marketplace that will require her to use heels. My daughter does all these things and still toe walks at times, for us it comes and goes particularly noticeable under stress. Good cowboy boots, brand new fit flops and new trampoline can all be found around the $40 neighborhood on eBay poshmark Facebook marketplace etc. I got my bungee trampoline years ago from bellicon it was expensive but it’s lasted, I’m in groups for it and people are saying that brand is back ordered. I’m in groups for that and people are finding them on FB marketplace regularly. Bungee style gives much more feedback than spring style, it’s very Cushy and doubles as a calm down area, Def check with a neurologist. I'm socially a bit odd but also have a totally unrelated neuro issue., You could have described my oldest daughter here. This does sound like a spectrum issue. (And yes, girls present a bit differently so it's sometimes hard to spot! I always just assumed my kid was smart but just quirky. I had no idea until I looked into female autism behaviors. Trust your mom instincts.) I would talk to the pediatrician first and see if they have more info/resources or could refer you to a specialist., No not at all., How does a pilonidal dimple matter here? Because yes, she was born with the little dimple right above her butt crack. They checked her and said she was fine and it should not have any effect on her life., I really appreciate that Thank You, My daughter has always worn shoes fine. She's done much better since her surgery she just prefers to walk tip toed. It doesn't affect her doing anything what so ever., Okay thank you ❤️, Ok that's good but please see a neurologist. Not feeling the need to urinate is worrisome and not really an autism symptom, If they checked with an ultrasound then it’s fine. They are related to spina bifida. It’s uncommon but some children can have some spinal cord problems. That’s why it’s important. They show up as lower body problems like fecal incontinance. Once a kid isn’t an infant they have to do an mri to check (too much for ultrasound to see through anymore). Our original NP skipped the ultrasound, my son had to have the mri after switching doctors. He has a track but no other involvement. I would suggest getting a second opinion. If no ultrasound was done., It can be. Autistic people often struggle with interoception., My daughter is 7F and also asd. She also has a lot of bathroom accidents because she “doesn’t feel the need to go” she will go when we put her on the potty every 30 minutes. Or if we tell her to go but has problems knowing when she should go herself and doesn’t tell us., Yes but it is a good idea to check it out and rule out anything else before jumping to oh this is because of their asd especially as there are other medical conditions that can cause this like mild CP etc, Yes but you checked it out with a doctor as well. My son was having absence seizures people kept brushing off as stimming as he visually stims....I'm glad I recorded him and got second opinions, \>She has bathroom issues also. Like she constantly has accidents because she says she doesn't know when she needs to use the bathroom. She needs to see a neurologist. For Asd a developmental pediatrician or psychiatrist but the bathroom issue can be neurological as can tip toe walking. Yes it can be sensory as well but PT not helping at all and balance issues is concerning. Did you have a traumatic birth with her?, Get an evaluation from a developmental psychologist or pediatric neurologist. As she toe walks and with the bathroom issues the pediatric neurologist is probably the better option, although I think they are more difficult to schedule an appointment. Does she have a pilonidal dimple? If she does and didn’t have an ultrasound as a young baby you probably also need to do a mri. You may need to travel to go to appointments. If you have friends or family in a more populated region in your state see if they can help. (Be careful of getting out of network providers)., No advice on your situation, but good on you for recognizing she may need extra support. You're a great parent!, My son was younger when he was "flagged" by his teachers for some of his behaviors. Essentially, I emailed our pediatrician and said I needed to begin the process of having my son evaluated by a developmental pediatrician. And she set up the referral. I didn't have to justify why I wanted it done. That may be a good place to start!, My daughter toe walks, at home she wears fit flop brand “rocker shoes” it’s helped allot, they go down to a women’s size 5 but she was wearing my slide style fit flop 2 sizes too big. Total accidental discovery she just started putting mine on. I don’t like the toe thong style (for myself mostly a style thing) but they have allot of top of foot slide style and boots, I got her a pair that look like Uggs. Before hoka became trendy rocker style sneakers were an orthotic and PT thing help people walk with more muscle engagement and stretch similar injuries to toe walking. Before she started wearing fit flops she wore cowboy boots sometimes. I feel like it’s only a partial fix, it’s still a little heel but my daughter walked well in them. My daughter also loves wearing heels and legit rocks them and wants to wear them all the time. The rocker style shoes can be exhausting and uncomfortable first few wears, if you celebrate Easter maybe hop on Amazon and see if you can find some fun looking ones and encourage them as big girl shoes around the house. My daughter rollerblades as PT and can ski a bit but she still has tight hamstrings. Look into a small bungee style trampoline (like 47 inch) these were popular for fitness at Christmas and are popping up all over Facebook marketplace that will require her to use heels. My daughter does all these things and still toe walks at times, for us it comes and goes particularly noticeable under stress. Good cowboy boots, brand new fit flops and new trampoline can all be found around the $40 neighborhood on eBay poshmark Facebook marketplace etc. I got my bungee trampoline years ago from bellicon it was expensive but it’s lasted, I’m in groups for it and people are saying that brand is back ordered. I’m in groups for that and people are finding them on FB marketplace regularly. Bungee style gives much more feedback than spring style, it’s very Cushy and doubles as a calm down area, Def check with a neurologist. I'm socially a bit odd but also have a totally unrelated neuro issue., You could have described my oldest daughter here. This does sound like a spectrum issue. (And yes, girls present a bit differently so it's sometimes hard to spot! I always just assumed my kid was smart but just quirky. I had no idea until I looked into female autism behaviors. Trust your mom instincts.) I would talk to the pediatrician first and see if they have more info/resources or could refer you to a specialist., No not at all., How does a pilonidal dimple matter here? Because yes, she was born with the little dimple right above her butt crack. They checked her and said she was fine and it should not have any effect on her life., I really appreciate that Thank You, My daughter has always worn shoes fine. She's done much better since her surgery she just prefers to walk tip toed. It doesn't affect her doing anything what so ever., Okay thank you ❤️, Ok that's good but please see a neurologist. Not feeling the need to urinate is worrisome and not really an autism symptom, If they checked with an ultrasound then it’s fine. They are related to spina bifida. It’s uncommon but some children can have some spinal cord problems. That’s why it’s important. They show up as lower body problems like fecal incontinance. Once a kid isn’t an infant they have to do an mri to check (too much for ultrasound to see through anymore). Our original NP skipped the ultrasound, my son had to have the mri after switching doctors. He has a track but no other involvement. I would suggest getting a second opinion. If no ultrasound was done., It can be. Autistic people often struggle with interoception., My daughter is 7F and also asd. She also has a lot of bathroom accidents because she “doesn’t feel the need to go” she will go when we put her on the potty every 30 minutes. Or if we tell her to go but has problems knowing when she should go herself and doesn’t tell us., Yes but it is a good idea to check it out and rule out anything else before jumping to oh this is because of their asd especially as there are other medical conditions that can cause this like mild CP etc, Yes but you checked it out with a doctor as well. My son was having absence seizures people kept brushing off as stimming as he visually stims....I'm glad I recorded him and got second opinions, \>She has bathroom issues also. Like she constantly has accidents because she says she doesn't know when she needs to use the bathroom. She needs to see a neurologist. For Asd a developmental pediatrician or psychiatrist but the bathroom issue can be neurological as can tip toe walking. Yes it can be sensory as well but PT not helping at all and balance issues is concerning. Did you have a traumatic birth with her?, Get an evaluation from a developmental psychologist or pediatric neurologist. As she toe walks and with the bathroom issues the pediatric neurologist is probably the better option, although I think they are more difficult to schedule an appointment. Does she have a pilonidal dimple? If she does and didn’t have an ultrasound as a young baby you probably also need to do a mri. You may need to travel to go to appointments. If you have friends or family in a more populated region in your state see if they can help. (Be careful of getting out of network providers)., No advice on your situation, but good on you for recognizing she may need extra support. You're a great parent!, My son was younger when he was "flagged" by his teachers for some of his behaviors. Essentially, I emailed our pediatrician and said I needed to begin the process of having my son evaluated by a developmental pediatrician. And she set up the referral. I didn't have to justify why I wanted it done. That may be a good place to start!, My daughter toe walks, at home she wears fit flop brand “rocker shoes” it’s helped allot, they go down to a women’s size 5 but she was wearing my slide style fit flop 2 sizes too big. Total accidental discovery she just started putting mine on. I don’t like the toe thong style (for myself mostly a style thing) but they have allot of top of foot slide style and boots, I got her a pair that look like Uggs. Before hoka became trendy rocker style sneakers were an orthotic and PT thing help people walk with more muscle engagement and stretch similar injuries to toe walking. Before she started wearing fit flops she wore cowboy boots sometimes. I feel like it’s only a partial fix, it’s still a little heel but my daughter walked well in them. My daughter also loves wearing heels and legit rocks them and wants to wear them all the time. The rocker style shoes can be exhausting and uncomfortable first few wears, if you celebrate Easter maybe hop on Amazon and see if you can find some fun looking ones and encourage them as big girl shoes around the house. My daughter rollerblades as PT and can ski a bit but she still has tight hamstrings. Look into a small bungee style trampoline (like 47 inch) these were popular for fitness at Christmas and are popping up all over Facebook marketplace that will require her to use heels. My daughter does all these things and still toe walks at times, for us it comes and goes particularly noticeable under stress. Good cowboy boots, brand new fit flops and new trampoline can all be found around the $40 neighborhood on eBay poshmark Facebook marketplace etc. I got my bungee trampoline years ago from bellicon it was expensive but it’s lasted, I’m in groups for it and people are saying that brand is back ordered. I’m in groups for that and people are finding them on FB marketplace regularly. Bungee style gives much more feedback than spring style, it’s very Cushy and doubles as a calm down area, Def check with a neurologist. I'm socially a bit odd but also have a totally unrelated neuro issue., You could have described my oldest daughter here. This does sound like a spectrum issue. (And yes, girls present a bit differently so it's sometimes hard to spot! I always just assumed my kid was smart but just quirky. I had no idea until I looked into female autism behaviors. Trust your mom instincts.) I would talk to the pediatrician first and see if they have more info/resources or could refer you to a specialist., No not at all., How does a pilonidal dimple matter here? Because yes, she was born with the little dimple right above her butt crack. They checked her and said she was fine and it should not have any effect on her life., I really appreciate that Thank You, My daughter has always worn shoes fine. She's done much better since her surgery she just prefers to walk tip toed. It doesn't affect her doing anything what so ever., Okay thank you ❤️, Ok that's good but please see a neurologist. Not feeling the need to urinate is worrisome and not really an autism symptom, If they checked with an ultrasound then it’s fine. They are related to spina bifida. It’s uncommon but some children can have some spinal cord problems. That’s why it’s important. They show up as lower body problems like fecal incontinance. Once a kid isn’t an infant they have to do an mri to check (too much for ultrasound to see through anymore). Our original NP skipped the ultrasound, my son had to have the mri after switching doctors. He has a track but no other involvement. I would suggest getting a second opinion. If no ultrasound was done., It can be. Autistic people often struggle with interoception., My daughter is 7F and also asd. She also has a lot of bathroom accidents because she “doesn’t feel the need to go” she will go when we put her on the potty every 30 minutes. Or if we tell her to go but has problems knowing when she should go herself and doesn’t tell us., Yes but it is a good idea to check it out and rule out anything else before jumping to oh this is because of their asd especially as there are other medical conditions that can cause this like mild CP etc, Yes but you checked it out with a doctor as well. My son was having absence seizures people kept brushing off as stimming as he visually stims....I'm glad I recorded him and got second opinions, \>She has bathroom issues also. Like she constantly has accidents because she says she doesn't know when she needs to use the bathroom. She needs to see a neurologist. For Asd a developmental pediatrician or psychiatrist but the bathroom issue can be neurological as can tip toe walking. Yes it can be sensory as well but PT not helping at all and balance issues is concerning. Did you have a traumatic birth with her?, Get an evaluation from a developmental psychologist or pediatric neurologist. As she toe walks and with the bathroom issues the pediatric neurologist is probably the better option, although I think they are more difficult to schedule an appointment. Does she have a pilonidal dimple? If she does and didn’t have an ultrasound as a young baby you probably also need to do a mri. You may need to travel to go to appointments. If you have friends or family in a more populated region in your state see if they can help. (Be careful of getting out of network providers)., No advice on your situation, but good on you for recognizing she may need extra support. You're a great parent!, My son was younger when he was "flagged" by his teachers for some of his behaviors. Essentially, I emailed our pediatrician and said I needed to begin the process of having my son evaluated by a developmental pediatrician. And she set up the referral. I didn't have to justify why I wanted it done. That may be a good place to start!, My daughter toe walks, at home she wears fit flop brand “rocker shoes” it’s helped allot, they go down to a women’s size 5 but she was wearing my slide style fit flop 2 sizes too big. Total accidental discovery she just started putting mine on. I don’t like the toe thong style (for myself mostly a style thing) but they have allot of top of foot slide style and boots, I got her a pair that look like Uggs. Before hoka became trendy rocker style sneakers were an orthotic and PT thing help people walk with more muscle engagement and stretch similar injuries to toe walking. Before she started wearing fit flops she wore cowboy boots sometimes. I feel like it’s only a partial fix, it’s still a little heel but my daughter walked well in them. My daughter also loves wearing heels and legit rocks them and wants to wear them all the time. The rocker style shoes can be exhausting and uncomfortable first few wears, if you celebrate Easter maybe hop on Amazon and see if you can find some fun looking ones and encourage them as big girl shoes around the house. My daughter rollerblades as PT and can ski a bit but she still has tight hamstrings. Look into a small bungee style trampoline (like 47 inch) these were popular for fitness at Christmas and are popping up all over Facebook marketplace that will require her to use heels. My daughter does all these things and still toe walks at times, for us it comes and goes particularly noticeable under stress. Good cowboy boots, brand new fit flops and new trampoline can all be found around the $40 neighborhood on eBay poshmark Facebook marketplace etc. I got my bungee trampoline years ago from bellicon it was expensive but it’s lasted, I’m in groups for it and people are saying that brand is back ordered. I’m in groups for that and people are finding them on FB marketplace regularly. Bungee style gives much more feedback than spring style, it’s very Cushy and doubles as a calm down area, Def check with a neurologist. I'm socially a bit odd but also have a totally unrelated neuro issue., You could have described my oldest daughter here. This does sound like a spectrum issue. (And yes, girls present a bit differently so it's sometimes hard to spot! I always just assumed my kid was smart but just quirky. I had no idea until I looked into female autism behaviors. Trust your mom instincts.) I would talk to the pediatrician first and see if they have more info/resources or could refer you to a specialist., No not at all., How does a pilonidal dimple matter here? Because yes, she was born with the little dimple right above her butt crack. They checked her and said she was fine and it should not have any effect on her life., I really appreciate that Thank You, My daughter has always worn shoes fine. She's done much better since her surgery she just prefers to walk tip toed. It doesn't affect her doing anything what so ever., Okay thank you ❤️, Ok that's good but please see a neurologist. Not feeling the need to urinate is worrisome and not really an autism symptom, If they checked with an ultrasound then it’s fine. They are related to spina bifida. It’s uncommon but some children can have some spinal cord problems. That’s why it’s important. They show up as lower body problems like fecal incontinance. Once a kid isn’t an infant they have to do an mri to check (too much for ultrasound to see through anymore). Our original NP skipped the ultrasound, my son had to have the mri after switching doctors. He has a track but no other involvement. I would suggest getting a second opinion. If no ultrasound was done., It can be. Autistic people often struggle with interoception., My daughter is 7F and also asd. She also has a lot of bathroom accidents because she “doesn’t feel the need to go” she will go when we put her on the potty every 30 minutes. Or if we tell her to go but has problems knowing when she should go herself and doesn’t tell us., Yes but it is a good idea to check it out and rule out anything else before jumping to oh this is because of their asd especially as there are other medical conditions that can cause this like mild CP etc, Yes but you checked it out with a doctor as well. My son was having absence seizures people kept brushing off as stimming as he visually stims....I'm glad I recorded him and got second opinions, \>She has bathroom issues also. Like she constantly has accidents because she says she doesn't know when she needs to use the bathroom. She needs to see a neurologist. For Asd a developmental pediatrician or psychiatrist but the bathroom issue can be neurological as can tip toe walking. Yes it can be sensory as well but PT not helping at all and balance issues is concerning. Did you have a traumatic birth with her?, Get an evaluation from a developmental psychologist or pediatric neurologist. As she toe walks and with the bathroom issues the pediatric neurologist is probably the better option, although I think they are more difficult to schedule an appointment. Does she have a pilonidal dimple? If she does and didn’t have an ultrasound as a young baby you probably also need to do a mri. You may need to travel to go to appointments. If you have friends or family in a more populated region in your state see if they can help. (Be careful of getting out of network providers)., No advice on your situation, but good on you for recognizing she may need extra support. You're a great parent!, My son was younger when he was "flagged" by his teachers for some of his behaviors. Essentially, I emailed our pediatrician and said I needed to begin the process of having my son evaluated by a developmental pediatrician. And she set up the referral. I didn't have to justify why I wanted it done. That may be a good place to start!, My daughter toe walks, at home she wears fit flop brand “rocker shoes” it’s helped allot, they go down to a women’s size 5 but she was wearing my slide style fit flop 2 sizes too big. Total accidental discovery she just started putting mine on. I don’t like the toe thong style (for myself mostly a style thing) but they have allot of top of foot slide style and boots, I got her a pair that look like Uggs. Before hoka became trendy rocker style sneakers were an orthotic and PT thing help people walk with more muscle engagement and stretch similar injuries to toe walking. Before she started wearing fit flops she wore cowboy boots sometimes. I feel like it’s only a partial fix, it’s still a little heel but my daughter walked well in them. My daughter also loves wearing heels and legit rocks them and wants to wear them all the time. The rocker style shoes can be exhausting and uncomfortable first few wears, if you celebrate Easter maybe hop on Amazon and see if you can find some fun looking ones and encourage them as big girl shoes around the house. My daughter rollerblades as PT and can ski a bit but she still has tight hamstrings. Look into a small bungee style trampoline (like 47 inch) these were popular for fitness at Christmas and are popping up all over Facebook marketplace that will require her to use heels. My daughter does all these things and still toe walks at times, for us it comes and goes particularly noticeable under stress. Good cowboy boots, brand new fit flops and new trampoline can all be found around the $40 neighborhood on eBay poshmark Facebook marketplace etc. I got my bungee trampoline years ago from bellicon it was expensive but it’s lasted, I’m in groups for it and people are saying that brand is back ordered. I’m in groups for that and people are finding them on FB marketplace regularly. Bungee style gives much more feedback than spring style, it’s very Cushy and doubles as a calm down area, Def check with a neurologist. I'm socially a bit odd but also have a totally unrelated neuro issue., You could have described my oldest daughter here. This does sound like a spectrum issue. (And yes, girls present a bit differently so it's sometimes hard to spot! I always just assumed my kid was smart but just quirky. I had no idea until I looked into female autism behaviors. Trust your mom instincts.) I would talk to the pediatrician first and see if they have more info/resources or could refer you to a specialist., No not at all., How does a pilonidal dimple matter here? Because yes, she was born with the little dimple right above her butt crack. They checked her and said she was fine and it should not have any effect on her life., I really appreciate that Thank You, My daughter has always worn shoes fine. She's done much better since her surgery she just prefers to walk tip toed. It doesn't affect her doing anything what so ever., Okay thank you ❤️, Ok that's good but please see a neurologist. Not feeling the need to urinate is worrisome and not really an autism symptom, If they checked with an ultrasound then it’s fine. They are related to spina bifida. It’s uncommon but some children can have some spinal cord problems. That’s why it’s important. They show up as lower body problems like fecal incontinance. Once a kid isn’t an infant they have to do an mri to check (too much for ultrasound to see through anymore). Our original NP skipped the ultrasound, my son had to have the mri after switching doctors. He has a track but no other involvement. I would suggest getting a second opinion. If no ultrasound was done., It can be. Autistic people often struggle with interoception., My daughter is 7F and also asd. She also has a lot of bathroom accidents because she “doesn’t feel the need to go” she will go when we put her on the potty every 30 minutes. Or if we tell her to go but has problems knowing when she should go herself and doesn’t tell us., Yes but it is a good idea to check it out and rule out anything else before jumping to oh this is because of their asd especially as there are other medical conditions that can cause this like mild CP etc, Yes but you checked it out with a doctor as well. My son was having absence seizures people kept brushing off as stimming as he visually stims....I'm glad I recorded him and got second opinions, \>She has bathroom issues also. Like she constantly has accidents because she says she doesn't know when she needs to use the bathroom. She needs to see a neurologist. For Asd a developmental pediatrician or psychiatrist but the bathroom issue can be neurological as can tip toe walking. Yes it can be sensory as well but PT not helping at all and balance issues is concerning. Did you have a traumatic birth with her?, Get an evaluation from a developmental psychologist or pediatric neurologist. As she toe walks and with the bathroom issues the pediatric neurologist is probably the better option, although I think they are more difficult to schedule an appointment. Does she have a pilonidal dimple? If she does and didn’t have an ultrasound as a young baby you probably also need to do a mri. You may need to travel to go to appointments. If you have friends or family in a more populated region in your state see if they can help. (Be careful of getting out of network providers)., No advice on your situation, but good on you for recognizing she may need extra support. You're a great parent!, My son was younger when he was "flagged" by his teachers for some of his behaviors. Essentially, I emailed our pediatrician and said I needed to begin the process of having my son evaluated by a developmental pediatrician. And she set up the referral. I didn't have to justify why I wanted it done. That may be a good place to start!, My daughter toe walks, at home she wears fit flop brand “rocker shoes” it’s helped allot, they go down to a women’s size 5 but she was wearing my slide style fit flop 2 sizes too big. Total accidental discovery she just started putting mine on. I don’t like the toe thong style (for myself mostly a style thing) but they have allot of top of foot slide style and boots, I got her a pair that look like Uggs. Before hoka became trendy rocker style sneakers were an orthotic and PT thing help people walk with more muscle engagement and stretch similar injuries to toe walking. Before she started wearing fit flops she wore cowboy boots sometimes. I feel like it’s only a partial fix, it’s still a little heel but my daughter walked well in them. My daughter also loves wearing heels and legit rocks them and wants to wear them all the time. The rocker style shoes can be exhausting and uncomfortable first few wears, if you celebrate Easter maybe hop on Amazon and see if you can find some fun looking ones and encourage them as big girl shoes around the house. My daughter rollerblades as PT and can ski a bit but she still has tight hamstrings. Look into a small bungee style trampoline (like 47 inch) these were popular for fitness at Christmas and are popping up all over Facebook marketplace that will require her to use heels. My daughter does all these things and still toe walks at times, for us it comes and goes particularly noticeable under stress. Good cowboy boots, brand new fit flops and new trampoline can all be found around the $40 neighborhood on eBay poshmark Facebook marketplace etc. I got my bungee trampoline years ago from bellicon it was expensive but it’s lasted, I’m in groups for it and people are saying that brand is back ordered. I’m in groups for that and people are finding them on FB marketplace regularly. Bungee style gives much more feedback than spring style, it’s very Cushy and doubles as a calm down area, Def check with a neurologist. I'm socially a bit odd but also have a totally unrelated neuro issue., You could have described my oldest daughter here. This does sound like a spectrum issue. (And yes, girls present a bit differently so it's sometimes hard to spot! I always just assumed my kid was smart but just quirky. I had no idea until I looked into female autism behaviors. Trust your mom instincts.) I would talk to the pediatrician first and see if they have more info/resources or could refer you to a specialist., No not at all., How does a pilonidal dimple matter here? Because yes, she was born with the little dimple right above her butt crack. They checked her and said she was fine and it should not have any effect on her life., I really appreciate that Thank You, My daughter has always worn shoes fine. She's done much better since her surgery she just prefers to walk tip toed. It doesn't affect her doing anything what so ever., Okay thank you ❤️, Ok that's good but please see a neurologist. Not feeling the need to urinate is worrisome and not really an autism symptom, If they checked with an ultrasound then it’s fine. They are related to spina bifida. It’s uncommon but some children can have some spinal cord problems. That’s why it’s important. They show up as lower body problems like fecal incontinance. Once a kid isn’t an infant they have to do an mri to check (too much for ultrasound to see through anymore). Our original NP skipped the ultrasound, my son had to have the mri after switching doctors. He has a track but no other involvement. I would suggest getting a second opinion. If no ultrasound was done., It can be. Autistic people often struggle with interoception., My daughter is 7F and also asd. She also has a lot of bathroom accidents because she “doesn’t feel the need to go” she will go when we put her on the potty every 30 minutes. Or if we tell her to go but has problems knowing when she should go herself and doesn’t tell us., Yes but it is a good idea to check it out and rule out anything else before jumping to oh this is because of their asd especially as there are other medical conditions that can cause this like mild CP etc, Yes but you checked it out with a doctor as well. My son was having absence seizures people kept brushing off as stimming as he visually stims....I'm glad I recorded him and got second opinions, \>She has bathroom issues also. Like she constantly has accidents because she says she doesn't know when she needs to use the bathroom. She needs to see a neurologist. For Asd a developmental pediatrician or psychiatrist but the bathroom issue can be neurological as can tip toe walking. Yes it can be sensory as well but PT not helping at all and balance issues is concerning. Did you have a traumatic birth with her?, Get an evaluation from a developmental psychologist or pediatric neurologist. As she toe walks and with the bathroom issues the pediatric neurologist is probably the better option, although I think they are more difficult to schedule an appointment. Does she have a pilonidal dimple? If she does and didn’t have an ultrasound as a young baby you probably also need to do a mri. You may need to travel to go to appointments. If you have friends or family in a more populated region in your state see if they can help. (Be careful of getting out of network providers)., No advice on your situation, but good on you for recognizing she may need extra support. You're a great parent!, My son was younger when he was "flagged" by his teachers for some of his behaviors. Essentially, I emailed our pediatrician and said I needed to begin the process of having my son evaluated by a developmental pediatrician. And she set up the referral. I didn't have to justify why I wanted it done. That may be a good place to start!, My daughter toe walks, at home she wears fit flop brand “rocker shoes” it’s helped allot, they go down to a women’s size 5 but she was wearing my slide style fit flop 2 sizes too big. Total accidental discovery she just started putting mine on. I don’t like the toe thong style (for myself mostly a style thing) but they have allot of top of foot slide style and boots, I got her a pair that look like Uggs. Before hoka became trendy rocker style sneakers were an orthotic and PT thing help people walk with more muscle engagement and stretch similar injuries to toe walking. Before she started wearing fit flops she wore cowboy boots sometimes. I feel like it’s only a partial fix, it’s still a little heel but my daughter walked well in them. My daughter also loves wearing heels and legit rocks them and wants to wear them all the time. The rocker style shoes can be exhausting and uncomfortable first few wears, if you celebrate Easter maybe hop on Amazon and see if you can find some fun looking ones and encourage them as big girl shoes around the house. My daughter rollerblades as PT and can ski a bit but she still has tight hamstrings. Look into a small bungee style trampoline (like 47 inch) these were popular for fitness at Christmas and are popping up all over Facebook marketplace that will require her to use heels. My daughter does all these things and still toe walks at times, for us it comes and goes particularly noticeable under stress. Good cowboy boots, brand new fit flops and new trampoline can all be found around the $40 neighborhood on eBay poshmark Facebook marketplace etc. I got my bungee trampoline years ago from bellicon it was expensive but it’s lasted, I’m in groups for it and people are saying that brand is back ordered. I’m in groups for that and people are finding them on FB marketplace regularly. Bungee style gives much more feedback than spring style, it’s very Cushy and doubles as a calm down area, Def check with a neurologist. I'm socially a bit odd but also have a totally unrelated neuro issue., You could have described my oldest daughter here. This does sound like a spectrum issue. (And yes, girls present a bit differently so it's sometimes hard to spot! I always just assumed my kid was smart but just quirky. I had no idea until I looked into female autism behaviors. Trust your mom instincts.) I would talk to the pediatrician first and see if they have more info/resources or could refer you to a specialist., No not at all., How does a pilonidal dimple matter here? Because yes, she was born with the little dimple right above her butt crack. They checked her and said she was fine and it should not have any effect on her life., I really appreciate that Thank You, My daughter has always worn shoes fine. She's done much better since her surgery she just prefers to walk tip toed. It doesn't affect her doing anything what so ever., Okay thank you ❤️, Ok that's good but please see a neurologist. Not feeling the need to urinate is worrisome and not really an autism symptom, If they checked with an ultrasound then it’s fine. They are related to spina bifida. It’s uncommon but some children can have some spinal cord problems. That’s why it’s important. They show up as lower body problems like fecal incontinance. Once a kid isn’t an infant they have to do an mri to check (too much for ultrasound to see through anymore). Our original NP skipped the ultrasound, my son had to have the mri after switching doctors. He has a track but no other involvement. I would suggest getting a second opinion. If no ultrasound was done., It can be. Autistic people often struggle with interoception., My daughter is 7F and also asd. She also has a lot of bathroom accidents because she “doesn’t feel the need to go” she will go when we put her on the potty every 30 minutes. Or if we tell her to go but has problems knowing when she should go herself and doesn’t tell us., Yes but it is a good idea to check it out and rule out anything else before jumping to oh this is because of their asd especially as there are other medical conditions that can cause this like mild CP etc, Yes but you checked it out with a doctor as well. My son was having absence seizures people kept brushing off as stimming as he visually stims....I'm glad I recorded him and got second opinions
My 21 month is either speech delayed or has autism. Pl advice	Hi everyone. This is regarding my 21 month old boy. I have flagged to his paed at his 18 month check up that he didn’t have any words. However he didn’t seem worried saying that as long as he points it’s ok and also that he has great eye contact. However I told him that he doesn’t point at which point he suggested getting an assessment. The assessment was done at around 20 months old and was inconclusive. We are asked to take him for OT and speech therapy and review in 3 months. I would like to point out that up to the age of 20 months our child was unfortunately raised only by his nanny as both his parents had very busy schedules. The nanny did not spend a lot of time engaging him and he watched 3+ hours of television. The developmental paed suggested he needed more stimulation and it’s possibly a case of “virtual autism”. Over the past 2 weeks our child has attended private OT and speech for 2 hours daily. Below are his key characteristics: 1. Responds to his names 100% 2. Great eye contact 3. Gestures like hi, bye, hand shake, pray, high five are consistent 100% but no pointing 4. Friendly with strangers 5. Excellent pretend play - talks on phone, cooks food, brings us a plate of food etc. 6. Good command following : can bring stuff, throw stuff in the trash, turn off/on lights, comb hair, tell us eyes, nose and lips, sit on n a chair, stand up etc. (all this has developed in the last 2 weeks) 7. Has one word: mama directed clearly at his mother 8. No stims 9. Good sleeper, no food aversions 10. Good with change of routine Does his lack of pointing and speech mean a speech delay or could it be the therapies have helped him with is autism in two weeks? Please suggest. Thanks.	If you find that he is able to express and communicate in many other ways, it may just be a speech delay. Autism is often associated with lack of communication completely. Your child may communicate with waving, pointing, humming to what they want, reaching for what they want, pulling you towards something they want, nodding yes or no.., It sounds like a speech delay since only pointing is missing. It’s a little odd that he has more complex gestures but lacks pointing…not sure what to make of that. I’m wondering if he just wasn’t exposed to pointing? I think he should be reaching for objects he wants at least. If this is a case of neglect then he should learn to point fairly quickly now that the situation is corrected. Otherwise further. evaluation might be warranted., He does reach with whole hand, yes. That is his gesture to show that he needs something. That or crying while standing near the item. He is attending daily therapy and his receptive language has exploded in two weeks. Waiting for an improvement in expressive knowledge as well. Thanks., Does he copy you a lot and mimic you? For example if you bark and crawl around like a dog, will he. You mentioning he pretend plays, will he turn take with you, you feed the bear or baby and then he feeds it. You eat with a spoon and then he does. You drink out of a cup and then he does; stuff like that? My speech therapist and OT who specializes in autism did say pointing is inherent and not a learned skill. So something to keep in mind if you are also having him seen by a therapist who is very family with autism to rule that out, Doesn't look like ASD at all to me - since he responds to his name 100% and engages in pretend play. This is most probably just speech development delay, Thank you. He does communicate by reaching out to what he wants., Yes he wasn’t exposed to pointing. The paed suggested that his nanny has been preempting all his needs so he never understood the concept of asking for anything. However, I do believe pointing is an inherent internal skill which should still develop? The other gestures have all gotten stronger over the past two weeks of working with his parents and therapists., Ya interestingly I asked my son’s speech therapist if pointing was a natural skill or if it was learned. She said it was more inherent…but I think reaching with a whole hand towards an object is inherent. Does he do this? Index pointing seems too specific to be inherent, but that’s just my thought. At any rate, I think the true test will be how he develops now that the situation has been corrected. If he doesn’t have ASD he should catch up fairly easily and quickly.
My 4 year old is beating me up in public	For example: yesterday I took my daughter to cheer practice inside of a gym. I’m holding my son in my arms so he won’t run off and interrupt other practices or get into something he shouldn’t. He is upset by this. While holding him, he will kick me, hit me, scream in my ear, and constantly throw himself back as if he wants to just topple backwards onto the floor from 4 feet up. He pulls on my clothes. He exposes my chest from the constant pulling. This is at least the 5th occurrence of him exposing me while I am trying to talk to other adults. I ask him to stop, he screams louder. There were 3 different practices going on, all with speakers blaring music. He was louder than all of that. People were staring. The other parents want nothing to do with us. We sit down, I offer snacks juice toys tablet, the hitting kicking screaming and writhing continues. I don’t want to keep being disruptive to the environment we’re in. We end up waiting outside in the car for an hour and a half with the heat index being about 105. I’m embarrassed to even go back. He does this OFTEN. If we are in line for some place he wants to play or run around at, or if we are out playing somewhere and have to go inside for a bathroom break, he does this. If I put him down and hold his hand, he will literally twist his whole body around to where I have to let go and drop him to the ground bc surely his arm will break from twisting. His Aba therapists keep gaslighting me saying “oh we will just teach him how to wait in line” like no, that is not the problem!! He will not be told no! If he does, he will do this! He doesn’t act like this in an environment where he can freely walk/run around so they see none of this behavior. I’m at my wits end. I’m crying myself to sleep many nights. I know he is 4 but is unacceptable behavior to me and I just cannot keep being exposed or hit. I am autistic as well and the screaming in my ear literally makes me want to break down myself right then and there. I would appreciate anyone’s advice.	Do you have a toddler/child leash for him? Your child sounds like he might benefit from one of those, they give children more freedom without them being able to run off. You'll likely still get weird looks because some people are just judgemental assholes, but you'll unfortunately never stop those completely. Do you have noise cancelling headphones to help you handle the screaming? Does he? Autistic children sometimes scream to drown out noise around them, so headphones/ear defernders might help. Ask his therapists to practice in a real-world environment - they might need you to sign a slip allowing them to go outside with him, but it's important to adress issues where they actually appear. If he's doing fine in therapy, that isn't what they need to work on. His therapists should be working on safe walking and eloping with him, for example, and that needs to happen outside the office., Is he noise sensitive or avoidant? My daughter has trouble at places like that if it's loud. Noise cancelling headphones helped (with tablet), My 3 year old just did all of this to me two days ago because I had to go to urgent care for myself and had no childcare. It was awful, and I wanted to panic and cry the entire time. I’m so sorry. I know how you feel. My legs are covered in bruises now from the kicking. Just know you’re not alone. 🫂💚, It might be the sound. As bad as this sounds, do you have to bring him? There are events for my other son that I know my younger child will just not do well at, so I leave him with someone so I can solely focus on my other child without disrupting anything., That sounds like a nightmare environment for any young child (the cheer practice) - too loud, too restrictive. He’d probably do better being outside, maybe playing on a nearby playground if there is one, or playing with some toys. If you know he’s going to fight you while being held or having his hand held, try something else. Yeah it sucks that kids won’t just listen or do what we say, but imo it’s better for my peace of mind to find a workaround and use it., My son had a meltdown and slapped my glasses off my face at school event in front of the whole school during a tantrum, scratching the lenses. Then a couple years later when he was 8 he had a meltdown outside of Disneyland and was thrashing around, I tried to restrain him so he didn't hit himself, his sister, others, and in his thrashing he headbutted me full force in the nose. Just about broke it, blood was coming out, swollen up like crazy. It gets rarer with my kid as he gets older but he's getting stronger. Wish I had advice other than hang in there., If you get private ABA at home tell them you want them to go with you to these situations . Then they can show you how to handle it or make plans to better work on the needed base skills. Occupational Therapy has been a game changer for us. They absolutely help with self regulation, following instructions, sensory diets. Always one of my 1st recommendations. He may have demanded avoidance. Which isn't brought out in a nice calm controlled environment or therapy session. Unless they push him and test his frustration levels. Sometimes it is literally saying no or doing whatever is hard for 5-10 seconds and painfully slowly increasing it. Sometimes a picture schedule helps (breakfast, school, play, practice/movie time, etc). Or a "first this ________ THEN this_______. 1st you wait calmly watching a movie a sisters practice then you get ______. (Play time a treat whatever). All things the ABA should be doing and showing. They can be on a dry erase board, visual schedule you can get packages online, you can get apps on your phone., By any chance do you live in Australia? I can recommend how to better use the NDIS system to up supports or maybe get a PBS which is accessible in the NDIS, It might be the lights, the sounds of the smells that they’re struggling with. I would make notes about the places these meltdowns occur and see if there are any similarities. It could also be that part of the routine is the meltdown. Whenever we went to my dads my son would cry for about ten minutes as soon as we arrived. Before and after perfectly fine, but part of his routine was to cry when we arrived. I stopped going for two weeks, gave us a hard restart and the meltdown stopped. I feel for you, my son is very similar, age 4. Went to the dentist this week and I’m covered in scratches and bruises because it’s next to the doctors where the last time he had an injection. They associate places with getting upset and it’s very hard to break that once established. I wish I could say it’s getting easier but as my son gets older and stronger I’m struggling a lot., My son is like this. If I have him in a stroller with a five point harness it helps. I would look into a Wonderfold wagon if you can afford it, if not a jogging stroller would be a great alternative as they can hold pretty big kids, my large 6 year old still fits., "He doesn’t act like this in an environment where he can freely walk/run around so they see none of this behavior." and "There were 3 different practices going on, all with speakers blaring music. He was louder than all of that. " Sounds like a busy environment and he couldn't walk around to regulate himself. His behavior is telling you he's not being able to cope with the environment and not being able to walk. Being in a place where there's nothing for him to do might be difficult (specially for a 4yo). If he's non speaking, does he have access to AAC? Being in a loud place, with nothing interesting to do and not being able to communicate is a sure way to get a meltdown., Probably a silly suggestion because I'm guessing he would refuse it, but would he stay in a pram at all? My kid hasn't been violent but used to be very hard to control in situations like that, I know exactly what you mean about how he tried to throw history of your arms. We basically took her exclusively in the pram everywhere until she got better with understanding and being manageable., It sure sounds like your little one is having a meltdown when taken to a setting with loud, clashing music. For my little one, there is no amount of scolding, bribing, begging, or anything else that will end the meltdown - only exhaustion or removing the disregulating stimuli. That music could very well be painful to your child. Think about how you would react if you were exposed to painful stimuli (touching a hot stove) and your trusted adult was holding you in place so that you couldn't get away. Ear defenders are a great place to start. Could you teach your other child to get from the car to the rehearsal space so that your autistic child doesn't have to go inside at all? You could wait together in the car for practice to be over. Would a staff member or friend walk your other child from the car to practice? There's no shame in asking for the help that your family needs., One thing that might work is a wagon stroller. You could set him up with a tablet headphones and snacks, before you enter practice. Also maybe giving him a transition object like a tablet temporarily, until he does better with change in public settings. We used to do that with my son, when it was time to leave preferred places. Also we always set timers. So for example we might say “Ok 5 minute timer is up, it’s time to leave the playground, would you like to watch tablet”. That was a short phase and eventually he didn’t need the transition object. Also I tell him step by step what we’re doing when we’re out in public. I have to get down to his level and coach him through waiting in lines. I show him pictures of the playground or outing we’re going to. If we have to take a different route I talk through that and explain that the road is broken, we have to go a different way. I’ve found that the more we take him out on short outings the better it gets. I find what triggers him and what helps. The cheer practice sounds like a tough outing because it’s long, in an area that he can’t play in, and loud., I know soccer practice is a little different but this past spring when my oldest was doing soccer we had the same issue with my 3 year old. New environments with heaps of people can be exciting and over stimulating even for NT kids so it's normal for our ND kids to experience it as well. I combated the issue by letting my daughter explore the areas that were ok for us to go. I'd follow closely behind or beside and if she tried to go somewhere she couldn't I'd redirect her. If that resulted in her lashing out I'd squat down to her level, place both her hands on my face and tell her what we were doing to do. Then I'd lead her where it was ok to go. If that didn't work I'd remove her altogether. Don't be afraid to let him explore and be loud, also don't be afraid to bring his favorite toys or let him play on your phone or a tablet. People will get over themselves Also I know it sucks having to change what you wear and everything but if being exposed is a reoccurring issue I would start wearing tops that are nearly impossible for you to be exposed in. I can't tell you the last time I wore white, my nose ring or any earrings for fear of spilled on or a piercing ripped out., Honestly I just don’t bring both my kids out alone. It’s too much for me to handle and it sounds like it is for you too, My son used to do the same - he's using violence because lacks communication to tell you verbally. My son is verbal, communicative and oddly social (not with his peers of course) and still have agressive problems. It reallly helped making and printing visual communication and just explain to him priorly what was going to happen each hour of the day. Negotiating what he will do in those hours that he is not the priority and tell him how and why everything works, ie "im taking your sister to a 50 minute class, look at the teacher shea is going to do this and that then theyll do that and that, after x minutes that is going to happen and after x minutes your sister will need that and this and THEN we going to do what you need me to do". Of course hes going to blast but at least he'll do it at home. So begins the negotiation and trying to give him something he like for exchange of things going how you need them to go. It sucks. One time my kid beat the crap out of me on a carnival park and he was not angry he was happy. Scared thr living shit out of me but made me realize it doesn't always had to do with frustration itself rather frustration of not knowing what will happen and not being able to communicate his needs about it. They trully need to know scientifically what our NT brains know instinctively., if this is bothering him, you need to do this more. Expose him to this kind of environment in a small dose, regularly and set boundaries about your clothes, strict and firm No etc. Also help him with noise cancelling headphones and few toys that might help him keep busy. Build strategies for waiting rooms- books, fidget toy, something. all the best and hope you find a nice rhythm soon., Can you bring a folding chair and find a quieter corner to sit where you can still watch your daughter? Bring a tablet or other favorite toy for your son, use the leash to keep him near you and noise cancelling head phones for both of you. If your son can talk ask him why he has a meltdown. It might not be what you think. My daughter hated another teams red shirts. Could not change that but could give her ideas like watching their feet or scanning the crowd to count how many people wore her favorite color. As for being physical, hold him from behind with his back to your chest and wrap your arms around him including his arms like a big hug. You can use your legs to hold his legs if needed. Try talking to him at home and show him how you will hold him if he has a meltdown so you can help him by holding him like that until he can calm down. Set up the folding chair at home and practice the leash use before you go out. Explain that it will help you both at the event so he does not have to yell and you don’t have to get mad. Let him choose one or two special toys to take including a comfort blanket type thing if he has one. Try taking a short walk every 15 minutes of quiet play if that is not disruptive, maybe having a stash of toys in the car and trade out toys as the reason to walk. He won’t get as bored with a new toy to keep him interested and the walking will burn off energy and give him a few minutes away from the sensory overload of the event. Gotta get creative some times. It won’t be perfect but better is a great goal., You need a bag of goodies. I have a bag with a rollable yoga mat (for changes or for him to play on), rotating sensory toys (I want them to new to him so whenever I pull them out he's interested), and a light blanket for him to hide under (he likes to hide under blankets and sheets), then I pick a corner where I block him in people's looks be damned. Usually I can keep him distracted long enough to get through my older daughters events. My daughter is so use to it now that she knows to look for me in the corners lol., You have to make him more comfortable. It sounds like a noisy, busy over stimulating environment. I see little worry about how your 4yo is dealing with it and more worry about how you feel about his behavior. Perhaps switch your perspective and try to figure out what will make him more comfortable so that he doesn’t have to try and tell you in this way., So I maybe a little insensitive to this subject because I found out my son was on the spectrum at the age of 8 so during those earlier years I was treating him like he misbehaved. Which means he received spankings and was put on punishment. He had the sensory thing and I didn't know that it was a part of it so had him take his hands off his ears to face it. I found out that he was on the spectrum and I had to adjust but he also adjusted as well. He doesn't have the sensory things anymore and he's very kind and respectful. He's currently 15 and has a job which he rides his scooter to himself and I'm proud of him for these things. I understand that every child is different on the spectrum but I also believe that because you're on the spectrum doesn't give you the right to disrespect me the person who cares for you. I'm not saying be like me but I'm saying it's okay to parent as well as understand., Noise cancelling of some sort for him, but also get yourself some loops or similar earplugs for out and about yourself too to help your own sensory overload in these scenarios., Oh man, this happens to me, too (shirt pulling, son is same age). Just sympathy. I get bitten and scratched as well as the shirt thing. I really, really understand you. Solidarity., My son is only 2.5, but exactly like this. We are working really hard on self regulating when life throws you a situation you just don't want to do. I use an app on my phone that is essentially a first/then board where I can take photos and insert them into the board to fit our situation. Sometimes that can help if he understands we have to do this not awesome thing before we can do something really motivating. Sometimes I am able to distract him with a book or toy, and sometimes I resort to putting a video on my phone. I try to avoid environments that are going to be really overwhelming to him, but sometimes in life I just can't avoid it, so working to find coping mechanisms has been ongoing, for sure. If a violent meltdown is really just not manageable, I think we all just do what you did - remove yourself and the child from the situation entirely. I usually opt to find an open space for him to run around a little bit - because that is what my kiddo specifically needs, but some kids may benefit more from a song, a book, or just some quiet time. It's super embarrassing when your kid hits you in public - I have experienced it so many times. I feel for you. I just try to have compassion for my kiddo in that moment - he isn't maliciously trying to hurt me - he is upset, and he feels so overwhelmed that physically lashing out is the only thing his little brain can figure out to do., OP, sorry you're getting so many garbage comments. Sub is full of em., Don't take him out in public. He hates it. It overwhelms him. Lights. Sounds. Chaos. Plan to sheild him from these sources of pain., I am sorry that this is frustrating. We had some of this when he was younger. The good news is a lot of kids will grow out of this- mine did. But it was frustrating when it happened on many levels. My guess, based on what my kid went though, is the environment is a huge trigger. Is there anyway someone else can bring your daughter to practice or have him with another care provider at this time? Also, instead of offering the tablet, is there a way to set him up with it and headphones as soon as you get there so he is engaged in those before he gets to engage all the rest of the environment and he does not have a choice, if neither above is an option? Also, the suggestion about the ABA going to the practice is good. Because there is so much going on at the practice, it is hard to transfer skills in a different environment to that. They should see it., My son is only 2.5, but exactly like this. We are working really hard on self regulating when life throws you a situation you just don't want to do. I use an app on my phone that is essentially a first/then board where I can take photos and insert them into the board to fit our situation. Sometimes that can help if he understands we have to do this not awesome thing before we can do something really motivating. Sometimes I am able to distract him with a book or toy, and sometimes I resort to putting a video on my phone. I try to avoid environments that are going to be really overwhelming to him, but sometimes in life I just can't avoid it, so working to find coping mechanisms has been ongoing, for sure. If a violent meltdown is really just not manageable, I think we all just do what you did - remove yourself and the child from the situation entirely. I usually opt to find an open space for him to run around a little bit - because that is what my kiddo specifically needs, but some kids may benefit more from a song, a book, or just some quiet time. It's super embarrassing when your kid hits you in public - I have experienced it so many times. I feel for you. I just try to have compassion for my kiddo in that moment - he isn't maliciously trying to hurt me - he is upset, and he feels so overwhelmed that physically lashing out is the only thing his little brain can figure out to do., I have autism myself, I can relate to this 100%. It happened last week and I felt like giving up. I had to cry myself into a nap and call out of work. But what I've noticed is that sometimes it's best to assess the situation. As moms we want our children to enjoy and participate as NT children but it's not the same. If my daughter is tired or hungry and it's nap time, we cannot go anywhere. She must nap first. Even if it's for 30mins. So, very often, plans are cancelled altogether. I also cancel doctor appointments if either one of us are overwhelmed. Another thing I do is go through a list. I make sure she's fed, well rested, and had some jumping or bouncing time. I pack sensory toys, snacks, water, and make sure my phone is charged. I think they call it a busy bag. And very recently, I began singing songs before we transition. It helps a lot! This doesn't work 100% of the time, but most of the time. If I go against routine, then it's usually the worst day for us. Don't spread yourself thin. Don't beat yourself up if the event is not sensory or autism friendly. You have to do what's best for the both of you emotionally and physically. When I took her to the park, it was so hot this day. I figured she'd rather walk around for a little. As you stated it was very hot in the car. But she showed me slight resistance and I ignored it. It only got worst from there because she was on the edge and irritable. Our experience was so similar to yours. It was a nightmare. When we got home, she went straight to sleep. ., Mine will do this too. Noise cancelling headphones and his tablet is the only way we survive, I hate to say this but I have had these problems on and off for years. We just keep trying different meds. I constantly feel like I am not enough, I can't take this anymore but I keep on. I don't know how except I can't imagine life without him., Ooof! I felt this so hard. This was my son (now 6), right down to the trying to throw himself backwards out of my arms. My left shoulder will never be the same. He wouldn't ever take "no" for an answer, or "wait", or even "soon". I spent years covered in bite marks and bruises, with people avoiding us. I, too, was exposed in public places and left with my ears ringing from the screeching. I even got asked to leave our paediatrician's office one day because "I can't continue this appointment while your son is physically assaulting you". It was so devastating and isolating to realise that even medical professionals didn't want us around. As a single mother, I didn't have a lot of help in my life, so I had to make the decision to avoid places where he couldn't run freely unless it was absolutely necessary. I also invested in noise cancelling headphones and dark sunglasses. He often did a lot better when he wore those. He resisted them at first, but it got to the point that he would actively seek them out when he needed them. Things didn't start improving till he was around 4.5-5 years old. Fortunately for me, my son has an excellent vocabulary. As his ability to communicate expanded, he hurt me less. It took a lot of work modelling how to express feelings verbally, and offering outlets like balloon popping or super-hard-high-fives when the rage was too much for words. Visible timers also helped... eg. In 5/10/30 minutes we will be done with this activity and then we can go home. Then I would set a timer on a device and hand it to him to watch. To this day he is very time-oriented and now sets his own timers for things. Now he is a sweet and compassionate 6 year old boy (for the most part). He still has his days where he seems to just rage, however, they are fewer and he doesn't take it out on me as often. Sending you hugs from Australia, from a Mum who gets it xoxo, Sounds like he’s being overwhelmed by the environment like my son. Maybe have him wear headphones and sit out far at the corner with fewer people? He might not like to be restricted/held. People might look if he’s wearing a backpack leash or waistband leash but if it works then it works., How about not bringing him to those kinds of places??, I taught my non verbal to sit in a chair (then 3 now 5) when screaming or wanting to scream. It was tough initially. I brought the chair from home for months to everything for consistency. Now he takes himself to the chair when he begins to get overwhelmed. It also happens less. We are using a communication board with pictures that is helping recently., It sounds like he is responding to overstimulation. My son used to get like this when we would go to parties or events with lots of sound/people. After consulting with his OT about this issue, she recommended I take headphones and make sure he has quiet time breaks if we end up going to events. If it's an indoor gym, I definitely recommend getting him headphones and sensory toys to keep him entertained. I'd personally avoid taking him if I didn't have to, but I understand that isn't always an option. It's hard, I'm sorry you got hurt, and I truly hope it gets better., I tried a wrist to wrist one with mine. I mostly got smiles and knowing looks from other parents. Couple people made comments like "Oh, he's a runner, huh?" Eventually he refused to stop wearing it but he's better behaved than ops. I still don't really take him many places though because he's not that much better and it's exhausting keeping up with him. Honestly it sounds like he can't handle environments like that. Is it possible to avoid the activity? Unfortunately that's part of the package. There's just certain things that're too difficult. Hopefully with time he gets better at being out with you. I don't think there's much more aba can do than practice patience and waiting in line with him. As well as offering encouragement or an ear to vent., I’m not sure, he has done this in more quiet places as well but I will definitely use this next time we go to see if it helps him be more calm. Thank you, Hugs to you mama. I can definitely relate to this. I cancelled many appointments because I already cry and get best up from her appointments. I just want to send you hugs because I know how overwhelming it feels inside., I always felt like my NT daughter had the right to do her things without the stress of her ASD brothers behaviors. I relied heavily on babysitters and if I couldn’t get one then I would drop her off and sit in the car with my son. It helped to teach her independence., That would have been the end of going to Disneyland if it was me. I am understanding but I will never reward bad behavior, :( We live in the US, in Tennessee more specifically, We don’t have a stroller but I will try this as well, It’s lucky that you have help. A lot of us don’t. My husband leaves for weeks at a time on work trips, and I live over 500 miles away from family., Thank you. I don’t feel as though being overwhelmed or embarrassed that im exposed is a problem but I will try to change my perspective. To me, he does this because he wants to get down and run around, not because he is uncomfortable. He does have demand avoidance. He can’t even be told to “come here” without flipping to the ground and crying. They are working on that in ABA but they don’t see the violence and escalation., What are the wrist to wrist leashes called? I searched 'wrist to wrist' on eBay and it just returned a bunch of NSFW bondage images 😂, This helped my kid who has sensory overload as well. Good luck! 😊, My NT son is only 4 but I make it a point to make sure that anything that has to do with him ( school events, or activities for kids his age, birthday parties ) are just for him. Sometimes my husband will miss out to stay with our ND son. But I do the same for my ND son I take him on outings just us. I want them both to know they are important and while they do a lot together, they have different interests. I know my little cannot handle cheering or applause, it’s full on meltdown so I always try and line up help for event when I have enough notice., Tantrums and meltdowns aren’t the same thing., Bugga. There are free behavioural practitioners in Australia for challenging behaviours. I'll see if I can find literature they source., Of course but safety comes first, Sitting still is pretty hard for a toddler, let alone an ASD one in a very stimulating environment. So it might be that he needs to get down and run around to deal with all that is going on. And you could change to clothes he can’t expose you in., Try limiting the places you take him to areas where he can freely run around. They don't do well with restraints. Also, in reference to talking to him when he's frustrated or wants something, my ABA therapist taught me that in these moments it's best to not verbalize directions. Because it can easily frustrate them. She taught me to let her calm down unless she's hurting herself. I've also watched her SLP stop the behavior or intervene without much commands. For instance, if my daughter is mouthing something, she'll politely remove or distract her with something else. So, in your case instead of saying come here, you'd just politely grab his hand or pick him up. For us mama, it takes so much more. But think de-escalation tactics that are used in customer service. The customer is always right -- because you don't want to further blame or upset them. With our child, you don't want the behavior to continue and give it much attention, so you treat them as of it's not occuring. Focus on where you want to divert their attention. If you want him to go with you to the car, just politely take him to the car. You may need to use distraction toys, songs or games. My daughter is the exact same. If I say anything to her when she's upset, she's explosive. I'm learning to say less. I'm learning to take away the toy but give her praise as I'm taking it. Because when I say give it to mama, she may yell and scream. But sometimes I still say it but I give her praise immediately afterwards. I hope this helps! Know that you're not alone. Know that you're learning! No parent is perfect and your feelings are well within your rights., This is the one I bought and I'd recommend it. I tried a backpack harness and he still refuses to wear his backpack to school now. https://www.ebay.com/itm/282860136645?hash=item41dbc728c5:g:Gr8AAOSwj61czmJj&amdata=enc%3AAQAIAAAA4L1uFRMCaNSLNHl2YQbVscVhqcTgY7NwINIK1m6IpX8bbb7aM9M2t1AU7VvIgVX8RMJ0ugq%2FN%2FD25iGuCOPb5aZwMRk6GgdvOfpMzKxtl86p5DPb7FPqDNof8IkdXmP9GewPeyHmdGs1f4YJ1QJwHM6Fu3ftpRusMlOVe0CfZu7wENSa2AaQ6PXVLlkOD5BLjQc268PNyHluJi5M%2Fkb0%2Fr%2B3Swy5xmcyIDYXMIb8bMnYgYpy3SlBLTL4b5NOhakO1vyR4sKlLLhA%2FEC0jG%2B43jQVy%2Bgv44o7ShBTpnay%2BpzF%7Ctkp%3ABFBMuIPh3MZi, Well what do you do if you have literally no one?, Don’t take both kids to cheer practise? lol or hire a babysitter. I take both of my kids to some places like the park but if my son is uncomfortable we leave, I don’t know if you understand how privileged that sounds. A lot of us cannot afford a random babysitter, or babysitters cannot handle our children because of their high needs. I have no family or friends around me. I live in a small town. There are no resources. Unless I make my husband quit his job and move 500 miles back to my home town, I have to take my kids with me everywhere., And if you can’t afford a babysitter. We are gonna punish the other child for the behaviors of the other one? Sometimes it’s just not an option to just leave., I sound privileged because I put my child’s comfort first? Lol that’s amazing. I never said don’t take your children out. If you can handle it then do it. I’m not going to bring a child to a loud environment where it’s unbearable for him if I don’t have to, You mentioned that you had to take your child to the Urgent Care; I think that is very different from bringing them along to cheer practice. One is necessary, the other is not. I think the other commenter is saying that you may have to skip the unnecessary outings. My son is the same and we unfortunately can't take him to restaurants, sport practices, or other crowded places for the same reason. It breaks my heart that my NT child has to miss out on some things too, but that's life sometimes., Unfortunately I’m in the same boat as you, help is limited and as you said others cannot handle our kids. So for me I either take my daughter along and prepare for meltdowns or we just don’t go. I do have my mom to help out sometimes as well but when she’s free., If you have your child in cheer your probably can afford a babysitter, No you’re privileged because it sounds like you have a lot of help and access to babysitters and caretakers, and you don’t seem to grasp that not everybody has that., Probably spending all their extra money on cheer., Oh buzz off why don’t you do some research on how uncomfortable this can be for people with autism and stop taking my comments so personally
My 4 year old still speaks gibberish	Hi thoughtful parents and caregivers! I’m trying to not lose, but my beautiful and charming son rarely uses functional language spontaneously , but the series of varied vowels and consonants that have meaning for him, and can only be described as his own language (he’s been doing this since around 2.5 with more frequency). He can approximate most words, but still feels more comfortable using his “own spoken language” Yes, he has his own AAC device. (It’s a learning curve). Yes, he’s seen neurologists extensively, and they say be patient - wait for the speech to come. His neurologist - who’s the head of pediatric neurology for a major medical system - will not give him a MRI, because of the way he presents himself. We got a routine EEG - and it’s normal. Yes, he’s been in EI for speech (4x/wk) and Ot (3x/ week) since he was 2.5 and I can only say his language production has been slow. He’s now in an excellent sped class thats self contained where he receives pull out OT and SLP services, and he gets private OT and private speech outside of school, in addition to 10 hours of Aba. We are doing the works! Not one of his SLP’s has definitively said apraxia, but his OT is confident there’s a motor component impacting his speech. The SLP’s feel they can’t definitively diagnose him because they’re not super clear as to what his vocalizations are indicating. And his OT meanwhile believes strongly that a motor plan will help. As much as we are working on the AAC, my son still prefers mouth words and pointing. So i want to support him in every way I can. I should say that my son is happiest when he’s at the park playing, is affectionate with his loved ones but yes - he’s very very self directed. Has anyone be on a similar journey? Can anyone provide me with a sense of how they managed? I need some hope and clarity.	My son didn't say a word until he was 3, he said happy. He gained 4 more words and stayed there until about 5 months before his 5th birthday. (He just turned 5 this month) When he was younger, he babbled a lot. It was just like you described, clearly these sounds had meaning for him. One thing that helped, that I didn't expect was mimicking him. Ex, he says "Eh Fela, eh pie!" When on his trampoline. I started repeating him, and he took notice and said it more while looking at me to repeat him again. I think that helped demonstrate mimicking for him. After about a month of coping what he said, he began doing the same with us. It started with animal names, then insects. After that, he began making up his own things. My favorite being "Monkey Day" which seems to mean "this day is amazing, and nothing can make it not amazing". After that, he started identifying things in his one, thanks to a game called Lucas and Friends. He seemed to have learned about 60 words before his 5th birthday. And now he's starting to say "say I love you" "say thank you" because we will ask if he can say XYZ. So I guess my best advice is one, the doctor is right. If speech is coming, it will come when he is fully ready for it. And two, try some games that help with identifying objects/animals/feelings. And instead of focusing as much on trying to get him to copy speech, try and learn his language and mimic him. It could encourage him to attempt it himself like it seems to have with my son., To each their own but when our SLP pushed to keep our son who sounds similar to your child on device and focus primarily on devices during therapy we pulled him out because they said it would be easier for teachers but would it be easier for him? They weren’t honouring his sounds and the start of his words so we ended that speech therapists program and have since moved to somewhere that honours the gestures and pointing as those are prerequisites to speech! Honour those sounds and the device but the pointing and mouthing words was what sparked my son’s verbal language. Keep at it! Also songs and catering his learning to include things he fixates and loves helped (dinosaurs, simba, teletubbies etc). Wishing you well!, Thank you so much for sharing your story, How old is your son now?, I hope is can be helpful! Maybe if you can figure out what his words mean for him, it could help his speech specialist narrow down what is going on and how to better help you both., My son will be five in a month. Verbal language beyond the odd word here and there came around 4. Before that he was signing and using pecs/ device. Now we are working on sentences! Everyday new words and sounds!, I think this is great advice - thank you!!, My son didn't say a word until he was 3, he said happy. He gained 4 more words and stayed there until about 5 months before his 5th birthday. (He just turned 5 this month) When he was younger, he babbled a lot. It was just like you described, clearly these sounds had meaning for him. One thing that helped, that I didn't expect was mimicking him. Ex, he says "Eh Fela, eh pie!" When on his trampoline. I started repeating him, and he took notice and said it more while looking at me to repeat him again. I think that helped demonstrate mimicking for him. After about a month of coping what he said, he began doing the same with us. It started with animal names, then insects. After that, he began making up his own things. My favorite being "Monkey Day" which seems to mean "this day is amazing, and nothing can make it not amazing". After that, he started identifying things in his one, thanks to a game called Lucas and Friends. He seemed to have learned about 60 words before his 5th birthday. And now he's starting to say "say I love you" "say thank you" because we will ask if he can say XYZ. So I guess my best advice is one, the doctor is right. If speech is coming, it will come when he is fully ready for it. And two, try some games that help with identifying objects/animals/feelings. And instead of focusing as much on trying to get him to copy speech, try and learn his language and mimic him. It could encourage him to attempt it himself like it seems to have with my son., To each their own but when our SLP pushed to keep our son who sounds similar to your child on device and focus primarily on devices during therapy we pulled him out because they said it would be easier for teachers but would it be easier for him? They weren’t honouring his sounds and the start of his words so we ended that speech therapists program and have since moved to somewhere that honours the gestures and pointing as those are prerequisites to speech! Honour those sounds and the device but the pointing and mouthing words was what sparked my son’s verbal language. Keep at it! Also songs and catering his learning to include things he fixates and loves helped (dinosaurs, simba, teletubbies etc). Wishing you well!, Thank you so much for sharing your story, How old is your son now?, I hope is can be helpful! Maybe if you can figure out what his words mean for him, it could help his speech specialist narrow down what is going on and how to better help you both., My son will be five in a month. Verbal language beyond the odd word here and there came around 4. Before that he was signing and using pecs/ device. Now we are working on sentences! Everyday new words and sounds!, I think this is great advice - thank you!!, My son didn't say a word until he was 3, he said happy. He gained 4 more words and stayed there until about 5 months before his 5th birthday. (He just turned 5 this month) When he was younger, he babbled a lot. It was just like you described, clearly these sounds had meaning for him. One thing that helped, that I didn't expect was mimicking him. Ex, he says "Eh Fela, eh pie!" When on his trampoline. I started repeating him, and he took notice and said it more while looking at me to repeat him again. I think that helped demonstrate mimicking for him. After about a month of coping what he said, he began doing the same with us. It started with animal names, then insects. After that, he began making up his own things. My favorite being "Monkey Day" which seems to mean "this day is amazing, and nothing can make it not amazing". After that, he started identifying things in his one, thanks to a game called Lucas and Friends. He seemed to have learned about 60 words before his 5th birthday. And now he's starting to say "say I love you" "say thank you" because we will ask if he can say XYZ. So I guess my best advice is one, the doctor is right. If speech is coming, it will come when he is fully ready for it. And two, try some games that help with identifying objects/animals/feelings. And instead of focusing as much on trying to get him to copy speech, try and learn his language and mimic him. It could encourage him to attempt it himself like it seems to have with my son., To each their own but when our SLP pushed to keep our son who sounds similar to your child on device and focus primarily on devices during therapy we pulled him out because they said it would be easier for teachers but would it be easier for him? They weren’t honouring his sounds and the start of his words so we ended that speech therapists program and have since moved to somewhere that honours the gestures and pointing as those are prerequisites to speech! Honour those sounds and the device but the pointing and mouthing words was what sparked my son’s verbal language. Keep at it! Also songs and catering his learning to include things he fixates and loves helped (dinosaurs, simba, teletubbies etc). Wishing you well!, Thank you so much for sharing your story, How old is your son now?, I hope is can be helpful! Maybe if you can figure out what his words mean for him, it could help his speech specialist narrow down what is going on and how to better help you both., My son will be five in a month. Verbal language beyond the odd word here and there came around 4. Before that he was signing and using pecs/ device. Now we are working on sentences! Everyday new words and sounds!, I think this is great advice - thank you!!, My son didn't say a word until he was 3, he said happy. He gained 4 more words and stayed there until about 5 months before his 5th birthday. (He just turned 5 this month) When he was younger, he babbled a lot. It was just like you described, clearly these sounds had meaning for him. One thing that helped, that I didn't expect was mimicking him. Ex, he says "Eh Fela, eh pie!" When on his trampoline. I started repeating him, and he took notice and said it more while looking at me to repeat him again. I think that helped demonstrate mimicking for him. After about a month of coping what he said, he began doing the same with us. It started with animal names, then insects. After that, he began making up his own things. My favorite being "Monkey Day" which seems to mean "this day is amazing, and nothing can make it not amazing". After that, he started identifying things in his one, thanks to a game called Lucas and Friends. He seemed to have learned about 60 words before his 5th birthday. And now he's starting to say "say I love you" "say thank you" because we will ask if he can say XYZ. So I guess my best advice is one, the doctor is right. If speech is coming, it will come when he is fully ready for it. And two, try some games that help with identifying objects/animals/feelings. And instead of focusing as much on trying to get him to copy speech, try and learn his language and mimic him. It could encourage him to attempt it himself like it seems to have with my son., To each their own but when our SLP pushed to keep our son who sounds similar to your child on device and focus primarily on devices during therapy we pulled him out because they said it would be easier for teachers but would it be easier for him? They weren’t honouring his sounds and the start of his words so we ended that speech therapists program and have since moved to somewhere that honours the gestures and pointing as those are prerequisites to speech! Honour those sounds and the device but the pointing and mouthing words was what sparked my son’s verbal language. Keep at it! Also songs and catering his learning to include things he fixates and loves helped (dinosaurs, simba, teletubbies etc). Wishing you well!, Thank you so much for sharing your story, How old is your son now?, I hope is can be helpful! Maybe if you can figure out what his words mean for him, it could help his speech specialist narrow down what is going on and how to better help you both., My son will be five in a month. Verbal language beyond the odd word here and there came around 4. Before that he was signing and using pecs/ device. Now we are working on sentences! Everyday new words and sounds!, I think this is great advice - thank you!!
My 6 year old has expulsion hearing tomorrow	My child suffers from Autism, DMDD, and ADHD. His behavior has been very bad. He goes to a charter school in Georgia. I want to argue to keep him. He was never offered any sped services IEP or anything . What are the chances of me and my husband winning his case without a lawyer ? I'm broke and stressed.	Why do you want to stay at a school where he isn't thriving? Why didn't you initiate/advocate for an IEP?, Charter schools often say they can’t accommodate but the public schools have to accommodate. Charter schools get away with a lot more and can be choosy about their students. That’s why many of them have better test scores. At least in my state. I used to work at a charter school. But you should have had an IEP by now with an autism diagnosis. The other diagnosis, depends on the kid. Some need accommodation and some don’t., This needs a LOT more information/background. For a kindergarten or first grader to be at this point a lot must have transpired. Is he diagnosed formally? Did you request an IEP or extra supports?, Oh honey, my son was kicked out of three programs. I'm so so so sorry. I'd just go to a public school where they have to take him and not fight. It's not going to be pretty if you do. It's horrible and it feels like a rejection of you and your son but it's better to go. DM me if you want. I cried and cried over this all July-this February., Is this charter school a private school or part of the public education system? Private schools do not have to offer or accomdate IEP's. I don't know about all states but in Indiana you can get a voucher that basically makes the state pay for a kids tuition to a charter school rather than attend public. Even if using the voucher, they are still charter schools and not part of the public school system, thus do not have to accomdate IEP's., You need to advocate for your child. He needs an IEP., Private schools don't have to offer IEPs and can kick anyone they want out (yes, there are ADA protections, but as long as they don't say "we're kicking you out specifically because you're disabled" it's not a case a lawyer will generally touch. Same as someone being pregnant and getting fired. Yes, it's illegal to fire a woman for being pregnant. It's not illegal to fire a woman who happens to be pregnant (and so you just don't say that's the reason and... voila). A public school would need to make accommodations and would likely be much more helpful overall (they often also will offer transportation as part of the IEP, so if you're worried about needing to make two school runs, you could have him on the bus and drive the others), I just googled this real quick so please correct me if I'm wrong, Im not from Georgia... But charter schools in Georgia are considered public school and they receive public funding. They do IEPs, so why doesn't your child have an IEP? You should have already requested an IEP or have a 504 plan in place. With his diagnosises there should be some sort of plan and accommodation to help your child succeed at school., Charter Schools typically term “different” children out of their schools in a way to ensure test scores stay high and they continue to look phenomenal on paper. They have a terrible track record of providing special education needs., Your son needs an IEP and the school system needs to offer alternative school placement where your son can access the resources he needs to be successful. If the school offered is out of your area then the school system must bus him or pay you mileage to drive him to and from school. OP you will not win this fight and it's a disservice to your son to not have him on an IEP. An IEP will protect him and provide you an avenue to handle these issues. An IEP can specify behavioral supports and social workers to assist your son in navigating his environment without acting out. As an example my daughter has an IEP specifying that she must be escorted by an adult to and from every class including before and after school. A teacher reached out asking if they can assign a peer to escort her. I pointed out that this would require an amended IEP so the teacher apologized and said they would ensure staff continue to escort her. Another time a teacher wanted my daughter moved out of her class because she felt my daughter's needs were too great. I requested a full IEP with an advocate from the district. It was pointed out to the school that what they were proposing is illegal and they were forced to ammend the IEP to provide more support in the classroom. Don't be stubborn about this and get your son an IEP. It is a legal document that will guide everyone on your son's needs., I would not keep my child anywhere he is not welcome., Your child needs an IEP and to be placed in the appropriate environment for his disability. The charter school is not able to meet his needs. If they didn't even give him an IEP with an autism diagnosis, they are really and truly incompetent. If you want your kids together, pull all of your kids out and put them in a regular public school where your disabled child can get services., Like others have said, having an IEP established is essential and would have been specifically beneficial in your case, as in my state the school board cannot expel a special education student if their disability is the underlying cause behind their behavioral misconduct, in almost all instances. I don’t know if this applies to your state or charter schools. More info is needed, you mentioned his diagnosis, was the school made aware of this or given copies of any evaluations he may have received? If you feel like reasonable accommodations weren’t made to support your child in instances where his disability may have caused him to act out, and he wasn’t a direct threat to the health and safety of others, you have a right to make a complaint with the US attorneys office for violation of the ADA. They can advise you more on your son’s rights and conduct an investigate to determine whether these rights may have been violated. In my state they aggressively enforce violations, particularly violations that affect children in childcare or educational settings. I believe this applies to any educational setting, unless it’s run by a religious organization. I’ve seen several local news articles in my area where complaints of disenrollment based on discrimination for ASD children have led to settlements, both monetarily to compensate the family and lengthy time periods of DOJ monitoring to ensure compliance and mandatory retraining of staff. They usually comply and settle to avoid further litigation. If you go that route and you have a valid complaint potentially your child could be reenrolled? That’s if you are set on that school, I see you mentioned your other children attending and wanting to keep them together, but it may be advisable to find a better fit, although I understand it can be frustrating as parent to be told to just cut your losses and move on, for some people this happens time and time again and it’s not okay. It is always within your rights to make that complaint. I wouldn’t recommend navigating anything legally without additional support., Public charters are legally required to follow 504 and IDEA but often don't, since the oversight on that is much less than with a regular public school, due to a charter school's governing structure. Basically, they get funding that public schools get but have a lot more flexibility with how they do things. Though it depends on the state to be sure, generally they are not great with excpetional kids., Need more info, OP. If the school can’t “handle” him or his behavior is threatening the safety of the other kids, it might be better to find another school for him to attend., Because I lacked the education on the matter. I have 3 other kids that attend the school and I want them to stay. He isnt behind academically he is just having behavioral issues. I dont want them to kick him out they need exposure to autistic kids!, This, Yes he is diagnosed. Yes; I was told he will be fine and he doesnt need an IEP.From November to February everything was fine. The doctor changed his medication because he gained alot of weight and with the new meds it caused ALOT of aggresion we actually moved in reverse. He has been charged with destruction of property (pulling leaves off tree) he throws alot now and he hits. One of the incidents a child hit him first but he is a bigger kid he is already 100 pounds now. They say he isnt struggling academically so there is no reason for IEP, Read this comment OP!, I think charter schools are public schools in Georgia. I don't know much about charter schools but it looks like they are publicly funded in GA and do IEPs and and 504 plans. It's a little different of an enrollment than public schools because you do have to apply to go there. So this confuses me too lol, If its charters schools like here in New Orleans they are public schools., 𝑰 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒈𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒇𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆 𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒒𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒍𝒕𝒚 ! 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒖𝒍𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒉𝒊𝒎, Your kid doesn’t exist to teach other people about autism. His needs must be the priority, and they are not getting met in the current setting. Let this experience turn into a blessing for your family., This is not the correct environment for your child and it is not fair to ask every other family to accept the risk to their own kids' safety and access to education in order to "expose" them to your child. My son was violent, and had self control issues, and was bigger than all of his peers. These issues do not magically disappear and without a properly supportive classroom environment he WILL struggle. My son would never have made it to graduation without appropriate supports from pre-k on. It doesn't feel good to be removed and it seems like a big part of this may be convenience for you with your other kids but please find an appropriate setting for your child based on his behaviors now., Some charters/other private schools here will accomdate IEP/504 plans, but they are not legally required to do so like the public school system is. I knew there was a possibility of it being different in other states, but I still thought it was worth mentioning. OP definitely left out some important information needed if OP is looking for any deeper advice except perhaps to seek out an advocate in their area., Why do you want to stay at a school where he isn't thriving? Why didn't you initiate/advocate for an IEP?, Charter schools often say they can’t accommodate but the public schools have to accommodate. Charter schools get away with a lot more and can be choosy about their students. That’s why many of them have better test scores. At least in my state. I used to work at a charter school. But you should have had an IEP by now with an autism diagnosis. The other diagnosis, depends on the kid. Some need accommodation and some don’t., This needs a LOT more information/background. For a kindergarten or first grader to be at this point a lot must have transpired. Is he diagnosed formally? Did you request an IEP or extra supports?, Oh honey, my son was kicked out of three programs. I'm so so so sorry. I'd just go to a public school where they have to take him and not fight. It's not going to be pretty if you do. It's horrible and it feels like a rejection of you and your son but it's better to go. DM me if you want. I cried and cried over this all July-this February., Is this charter school a private school or part of the public education system? Private schools do not have to offer or accomdate IEP's. I don't know about all states but in Indiana you can get a voucher that basically makes the state pay for a kids tuition to a charter school rather than attend public. Even if using the voucher, they are still charter schools and not part of the public school system, thus do not have to accomdate IEP's., You need to advocate for your child. He needs an IEP., Private schools don't have to offer IEPs and can kick anyone they want out (yes, there are ADA protections, but as long as they don't say "we're kicking you out specifically because you're disabled" it's not a case a lawyer will generally touch. Same as someone being pregnant and getting fired. Yes, it's illegal to fire a woman for being pregnant. It's not illegal to fire a woman who happens to be pregnant (and so you just don't say that's the reason and... voila). A public school would need to make accommodations and would likely be much more helpful overall (they often also will offer transportation as part of the IEP, so if you're worried about needing to make two school runs, you could have him on the bus and drive the others), I just googled this real quick so please correct me if I'm wrong, Im not from Georgia... But charter schools in Georgia are considered public school and they receive public funding. They do IEPs, so why doesn't your child have an IEP? You should have already requested an IEP or have a 504 plan in place. With his diagnosises there should be some sort of plan and accommodation to help your child succeed at school., Charter Schools typically term “different” children out of their schools in a way to ensure test scores stay high and they continue to look phenomenal on paper. They have a terrible track record of providing special education needs., Your son needs an IEP and the school system needs to offer alternative school placement where your son can access the resources he needs to be successful. If the school offered is out of your area then the school system must bus him or pay you mileage to drive him to and from school. OP you will not win this fight and it's a disservice to your son to not have him on an IEP. An IEP will protect him and provide you an avenue to handle these issues. An IEP can specify behavioral supports and social workers to assist your son in navigating his environment without acting out. As an example my daughter has an IEP specifying that she must be escorted by an adult to and from every class including before and after school. A teacher reached out asking if they can assign a peer to escort her. I pointed out that this would require an amended IEP so the teacher apologized and said they would ensure staff continue to escort her. Another time a teacher wanted my daughter moved out of her class because she felt my daughter's needs were too great. I requested a full IEP with an advocate from the district. It was pointed out to the school that what they were proposing is illegal and they were forced to ammend the IEP to provide more support in the classroom. Don't be stubborn about this and get your son an IEP. It is a legal document that will guide everyone on your son's needs., I would not keep my child anywhere he is not welcome., Your child needs an IEP and to be placed in the appropriate environment for his disability. The charter school is not able to meet his needs. If they didn't even give him an IEP with an autism diagnosis, they are really and truly incompetent. If you want your kids together, pull all of your kids out and put them in a regular public school where your disabled child can get services., Like others have said, having an IEP established is essential and would have been specifically beneficial in your case, as in my state the school board cannot expel a special education student if their disability is the underlying cause behind their behavioral misconduct, in almost all instances. I don’t know if this applies to your state or charter schools. More info is needed, you mentioned his diagnosis, was the school made aware of this or given copies of any evaluations he may have received? If you feel like reasonable accommodations weren’t made to support your child in instances where his disability may have caused him to act out, and he wasn’t a direct threat to the health and safety of others, you have a right to make a complaint with the US attorneys office for violation of the ADA. They can advise you more on your son’s rights and conduct an investigate to determine whether these rights may have been violated. In my state they aggressively enforce violations, particularly violations that affect children in childcare or educational settings. I believe this applies to any educational setting, unless it’s run by a religious organization. I’ve seen several local news articles in my area where complaints of disenrollment based on discrimination for ASD children have led to settlements, both monetarily to compensate the family and lengthy time periods of DOJ monitoring to ensure compliance and mandatory retraining of staff. They usually comply and settle to avoid further litigation. If you go that route and you have a valid complaint potentially your child could be reenrolled? That’s if you are set on that school, I see you mentioned your other children attending and wanting to keep them together, but it may be advisable to find a better fit, although I understand it can be frustrating as parent to be told to just cut your losses and move on, for some people this happens time and time again and it’s not okay. It is always within your rights to make that complaint. I wouldn’t recommend navigating anything legally without additional support., Public charters are legally required to follow 504 and IDEA but often don't, since the oversight on that is much less than with a regular public school, due to a charter school's governing structure. Basically, they get funding that public schools get but have a lot more flexibility with how they do things. Though it depends on the state to be sure, generally they are not great with excpetional kids., Need more info, OP. If the school can’t “handle” him or his behavior is threatening the safety of the other kids, it might be better to find another school for him to attend., Because I lacked the education on the matter. I have 3 other kids that attend the school and I want them to stay. He isnt behind academically he is just having behavioral issues. I dont want them to kick him out they need exposure to autistic kids!, This, Yes he is diagnosed. Yes; I was told he will be fine and he doesnt need an IEP.From November to February everything was fine. The doctor changed his medication because he gained alot of weight and with the new meds it caused ALOT of aggresion we actually moved in reverse. He has been charged with destruction of property (pulling leaves off tree) he throws alot now and he hits. One of the incidents a child hit him first but he is a bigger kid he is already 100 pounds now. They say he isnt struggling academically so there is no reason for IEP, Read this comment OP!, I think charter schools are public schools in Georgia. I don't know much about charter schools but it looks like they are publicly funded in GA and do IEPs and and 504 plans. It's a little different of an enrollment than public schools because you do have to apply to go there. So this confuses me too lol, If its charters schools like here in New Orleans they are public schools., 𝑰 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒈𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒇𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆 𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒒𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒍𝒕𝒚 ! 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒖𝒍𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒉𝒊𝒎, Your kid doesn’t exist to teach other people about autism. His needs must be the priority, and they are not getting met in the current setting. Let this experience turn into a blessing for your family., This is not the correct environment for your child and it is not fair to ask every other family to accept the risk to their own kids' safety and access to education in order to "expose" them to your child. My son was violent, and had self control issues, and was bigger than all of his peers. These issues do not magically disappear and without a properly supportive classroom environment he WILL struggle. My son would never have made it to graduation without appropriate supports from pre-k on. It doesn't feel good to be removed and it seems like a big part of this may be convenience for you with your other kids but please find an appropriate setting for your child based on his behaviors now., Some charters/other private schools here will accomdate IEP/504 plans, but they are not legally required to do so like the public school system is. I knew there was a possibility of it being different in other states, but I still thought it was worth mentioning. OP definitely left out some important information needed if OP is looking for any deeper advice except perhaps to seek out an advocate in their area., Why do you want to stay at a school where he isn't thriving? Why didn't you initiate/advocate for an IEP?, Charter schools often say they can’t accommodate but the public schools have to accommodate. Charter schools get away with a lot more and can be choosy about their students. That’s why many of them have better test scores. At least in my state. I used to work at a charter school. But you should have had an IEP by now with an autism diagnosis. The other diagnosis, depends on the kid. Some need accommodation and some don’t., This needs a LOT more information/background. For a kindergarten or first grader to be at this point a lot must have transpired. Is he diagnosed formally? Did you request an IEP or extra supports?, Oh honey, my son was kicked out of three programs. I'm so so so sorry. I'd just go to a public school where they have to take him and not fight. It's not going to be pretty if you do. It's horrible and it feels like a rejection of you and your son but it's better to go. DM me if you want. I cried and cried over this all July-this February., Is this charter school a private school or part of the public education system? Private schools do not have to offer or accomdate IEP's. I don't know about all states but in Indiana you can get a voucher that basically makes the state pay for a kids tuition to a charter school rather than attend public. Even if using the voucher, they are still charter schools and not part of the public school system, thus do not have to accomdate IEP's., You need to advocate for your child. He needs an IEP., Private schools don't have to offer IEPs and can kick anyone they want out (yes, there are ADA protections, but as long as they don't say "we're kicking you out specifically because you're disabled" it's not a case a lawyer will generally touch. Same as someone being pregnant and getting fired. Yes, it's illegal to fire a woman for being pregnant. It's not illegal to fire a woman who happens to be pregnant (and so you just don't say that's the reason and... voila). A public school would need to make accommodations and would likely be much more helpful overall (they often also will offer transportation as part of the IEP, so if you're worried about needing to make two school runs, you could have him on the bus and drive the others), I just googled this real quick so please correct me if I'm wrong, Im not from Georgia... But charter schools in Georgia are considered public school and they receive public funding. They do IEPs, so why doesn't your child have an IEP? You should have already requested an IEP or have a 504 plan in place. With his diagnosises there should be some sort of plan and accommodation to help your child succeed at school., Charter Schools typically term “different” children out of their schools in a way to ensure test scores stay high and they continue to look phenomenal on paper. They have a terrible track record of providing special education needs., Your son needs an IEP and the school system needs to offer alternative school placement where your son can access the resources he needs to be successful. If the school offered is out of your area then the school system must bus him or pay you mileage to drive him to and from school. OP you will not win this fight and it's a disservice to your son to not have him on an IEP. An IEP will protect him and provide you an avenue to handle these issues. An IEP can specify behavioral supports and social workers to assist your son in navigating his environment without acting out. As an example my daughter has an IEP specifying that she must be escorted by an adult to and from every class including before and after school. A teacher reached out asking if they can assign a peer to escort her. I pointed out that this would require an amended IEP so the teacher apologized and said they would ensure staff continue to escort her. Another time a teacher wanted my daughter moved out of her class because she felt my daughter's needs were too great. I requested a full IEP with an advocate from the district. It was pointed out to the school that what they were proposing is illegal and they were forced to ammend the IEP to provide more support in the classroom. Don't be stubborn about this and get your son an IEP. It is a legal document that will guide everyone on your son's needs., I would not keep my child anywhere he is not welcome., Your child needs an IEP and to be placed in the appropriate environment for his disability. The charter school is not able to meet his needs. If they didn't even give him an IEP with an autism diagnosis, they are really and truly incompetent. If you want your kids together, pull all of your kids out and put them in a regular public school where your disabled child can get services., Like others have said, having an IEP established is essential and would have been specifically beneficial in your case, as in my state the school board cannot expel a special education student if their disability is the underlying cause behind their behavioral misconduct, in almost all instances. I don’t know if this applies to your state or charter schools. More info is needed, you mentioned his diagnosis, was the school made aware of this or given copies of any evaluations he may have received? If you feel like reasonable accommodations weren’t made to support your child in instances where his disability may have caused him to act out, and he wasn’t a direct threat to the health and safety of others, you have a right to make a complaint with the US attorneys office for violation of the ADA. They can advise you more on your son’s rights and conduct an investigate to determine whether these rights may have been violated. In my state they aggressively enforce violations, particularly violations that affect children in childcare or educational settings. I believe this applies to any educational setting, unless it’s run by a religious organization. I’ve seen several local news articles in my area where complaints of disenrollment based on discrimination for ASD children have led to settlements, both monetarily to compensate the family and lengthy time periods of DOJ monitoring to ensure compliance and mandatory retraining of staff. They usually comply and settle to avoid further litigation. If you go that route and you have a valid complaint potentially your child could be reenrolled? That’s if you are set on that school, I see you mentioned your other children attending and wanting to keep them together, but it may be advisable to find a better fit, although I understand it can be frustrating as parent to be told to just cut your losses and move on, for some people this happens time and time again and it’s not okay. It is always within your rights to make that complaint. I wouldn’t recommend navigating anything legally without additional support., Public charters are legally required to follow 504 and IDEA but often don't, since the oversight on that is much less than with a regular public school, due to a charter school's governing structure. Basically, they get funding that public schools get but have a lot more flexibility with how they do things. Though it depends on the state to be sure, generally they are not great with excpetional kids., Need more info, OP. If the school can’t “handle” him or his behavior is threatening the safety of the other kids, it might be better to find another school for him to attend., Because I lacked the education on the matter. I have 3 other kids that attend the school and I want them to stay. He isnt behind academically he is just having behavioral issues. I dont want them to kick him out they need exposure to autistic kids!, This, Yes he is diagnosed. Yes; I was told he will be fine and he doesnt need an IEP.From November to February everything was fine. The doctor changed his medication because he gained alot of weight and with the new meds it caused ALOT of aggresion we actually moved in reverse. He has been charged with destruction of property (pulling leaves off tree) he throws alot now and he hits. One of the incidents a child hit him first but he is a bigger kid he is already 100 pounds now. They say he isnt struggling academically so there is no reason for IEP, Read this comment OP!, I think charter schools are public schools in Georgia. I don't know much about charter schools but it looks like they are publicly funded in GA and do IEPs and and 504 plans. It's a little different of an enrollment than public schools because you do have to apply to go there. So this confuses me too lol, If its charters schools like here in New Orleans they are public schools., 𝑰 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒈𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒇𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆 𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒒𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒍𝒕𝒚 ! 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒖𝒍𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒉𝒊𝒎, Your kid doesn’t exist to teach other people about autism. His needs must be the priority, and they are not getting met in the current setting. Let this experience turn into a blessing for your family., This is not the correct environment for your child and it is not fair to ask every other family to accept the risk to their own kids' safety and access to education in order to "expose" them to your child. My son was violent, and had self control issues, and was bigger than all of his peers. These issues do not magically disappear and without a properly supportive classroom environment he WILL struggle. My son would never have made it to graduation without appropriate supports from pre-k on. It doesn't feel good to be removed and it seems like a big part of this may be convenience for you with your other kids but please find an appropriate setting for your child based on his behaviors now., Some charters/other private schools here will accomdate IEP/504 plans, but they are not legally required to do so like the public school system is. I knew there was a possibility of it being different in other states, but I still thought it was worth mentioning. OP definitely left out some important information needed if OP is looking for any deeper advice except perhaps to seek out an advocate in their area., Why do you want to stay at a school where he isn't thriving? Why didn't you initiate/advocate for an IEP?, Charter schools often say they can’t accommodate but the public schools have to accommodate. Charter schools get away with a lot more and can be choosy about their students. That’s why many of them have better test scores. At least in my state. I used to work at a charter school. But you should have had an IEP by now with an autism diagnosis. The other diagnosis, depends on the kid. Some need accommodation and some don’t., This needs a LOT more information/background. For a kindergarten or first grader to be at this point a lot must have transpired. Is he diagnosed formally? Did you request an IEP or extra supports?, Oh honey, my son was kicked out of three programs. I'm so so so sorry. I'd just go to a public school where they have to take him and not fight. It's not going to be pretty if you do. It's horrible and it feels like a rejection of you and your son but it's better to go. DM me if you want. I cried and cried over this all July-this February., Is this charter school a private school or part of the public education system? Private schools do not have to offer or accomdate IEP's. I don't know about all states but in Indiana you can get a voucher that basically makes the state pay for a kids tuition to a charter school rather than attend public. Even if using the voucher, they are still charter schools and not part of the public school system, thus do not have to accomdate IEP's., You need to advocate for your child. He needs an IEP., Private schools don't have to offer IEPs and can kick anyone they want out (yes, there are ADA protections, but as long as they don't say "we're kicking you out specifically because you're disabled" it's not a case a lawyer will generally touch. Same as someone being pregnant and getting fired. Yes, it's illegal to fire a woman for being pregnant. It's not illegal to fire a woman who happens to be pregnant (and so you just don't say that's the reason and... voila). A public school would need to make accommodations and would likely be much more helpful overall (they often also will offer transportation as part of the IEP, so if you're worried about needing to make two school runs, you could have him on the bus and drive the others), I just googled this real quick so please correct me if I'm wrong, Im not from Georgia... But charter schools in Georgia are considered public school and they receive public funding. They do IEPs, so why doesn't your child have an IEP? You should have already requested an IEP or have a 504 plan in place. With his diagnosises there should be some sort of plan and accommodation to help your child succeed at school., Charter Schools typically term “different” children out of their schools in a way to ensure test scores stay high and they continue to look phenomenal on paper. They have a terrible track record of providing special education needs., Your son needs an IEP and the school system needs to offer alternative school placement where your son can access the resources he needs to be successful. If the school offered is out of your area then the school system must bus him or pay you mileage to drive him to and from school. OP you will not win this fight and it's a disservice to your son to not have him on an IEP. An IEP will protect him and provide you an avenue to handle these issues. An IEP can specify behavioral supports and social workers to assist your son in navigating his environment without acting out. As an example my daughter has an IEP specifying that she must be escorted by an adult to and from every class including before and after school. A teacher reached out asking if they can assign a peer to escort her. I pointed out that this would require an amended IEP so the teacher apologized and said they would ensure staff continue to escort her. Another time a teacher wanted my daughter moved out of her class because she felt my daughter's needs were too great. I requested a full IEP with an advocate from the district. It was pointed out to the school that what they were proposing is illegal and they were forced to ammend the IEP to provide more support in the classroom. Don't be stubborn about this and get your son an IEP. It is a legal document that will guide everyone on your son's needs., I would not keep my child anywhere he is not welcome., Your child needs an IEP and to be placed in the appropriate environment for his disability. The charter school is not able to meet his needs. If they didn't even give him an IEP with an autism diagnosis, they are really and truly incompetent. If you want your kids together, pull all of your kids out and put them in a regular public school where your disabled child can get services., Like others have said, having an IEP established is essential and would have been specifically beneficial in your case, as in my state the school board cannot expel a special education student if their disability is the underlying cause behind their behavioral misconduct, in almost all instances. I don’t know if this applies to your state or charter schools. More info is needed, you mentioned his diagnosis, was the school made aware of this or given copies of any evaluations he may have received? If you feel like reasonable accommodations weren’t made to support your child in instances where his disability may have caused him to act out, and he wasn’t a direct threat to the health and safety of others, you have a right to make a complaint with the US attorneys office for violation of the ADA. They can advise you more on your son’s rights and conduct an investigate to determine whether these rights may have been violated. In my state they aggressively enforce violations, particularly violations that affect children in childcare or educational settings. I believe this applies to any educational setting, unless it’s run by a religious organization. I’ve seen several local news articles in my area where complaints of disenrollment based on discrimination for ASD children have led to settlements, both monetarily to compensate the family and lengthy time periods of DOJ monitoring to ensure compliance and mandatory retraining of staff. They usually comply and settle to avoid further litigation. If you go that route and you have a valid complaint potentially your child could be reenrolled? That’s if you are set on that school, I see you mentioned your other children attending and wanting to keep them together, but it may be advisable to find a better fit, although I understand it can be frustrating as parent to be told to just cut your losses and move on, for some people this happens time and time again and it’s not okay. It is always within your rights to make that complaint. I wouldn’t recommend navigating anything legally without additional support., Public charters are legally required to follow 504 and IDEA but often don't, since the oversight on that is much less than with a regular public school, due to a charter school's governing structure. Basically, they get funding that public schools get but have a lot more flexibility with how they do things. Though it depends on the state to be sure, generally they are not great with excpetional kids., Need more info, OP. If the school can’t “handle” him or his behavior is threatening the safety of the other kids, it might be better to find another school for him to attend., Because I lacked the education on the matter. I have 3 other kids that attend the school and I want them to stay. He isnt behind academically he is just having behavioral issues. I dont want them to kick him out they need exposure to autistic kids!, This, Yes he is diagnosed. Yes; I was told he will be fine and he doesnt need an IEP.From November to February everything was fine. The doctor changed his medication because he gained alot of weight and with the new meds it caused ALOT of aggresion we actually moved in reverse. He has been charged with destruction of property (pulling leaves off tree) he throws alot now and he hits. One of the incidents a child hit him first but he is a bigger kid he is already 100 pounds now. They say he isnt struggling academically so there is no reason for IEP, Read this comment OP!, I think charter schools are public schools in Georgia. I don't know much about charter schools but it looks like they are publicly funded in GA and do IEPs and and 504 plans. It's a little different of an enrollment than public schools because you do have to apply to go there. So this confuses me too lol, If its charters schools like here in New Orleans they are public schools., 𝑰 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒈𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒇𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆 𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒒𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒍𝒕𝒚 ! 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒖𝒍𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒉𝒊𝒎, Your kid doesn’t exist to teach other people about autism. His needs must be the priority, and they are not getting met in the current setting. Let this experience turn into a blessing for your family., This is not the correct environment for your child and it is not fair to ask every other family to accept the risk to their own kids' safety and access to education in order to "expose" them to your child. My son was violent, and had self control issues, and was bigger than all of his peers. These issues do not magically disappear and without a properly supportive classroom environment he WILL struggle. My son would never have made it to graduation without appropriate supports from pre-k on. It doesn't feel good to be removed and it seems like a big part of this may be convenience for you with your other kids but please find an appropriate setting for your child based on his behaviors now., Some charters/other private schools here will accomdate IEP/504 plans, but they are not legally required to do so like the public school system is. I knew there was a possibility of it being different in other states, but I still thought it was worth mentioning. OP definitely left out some important information needed if OP is looking for any deeper advice except perhaps to seek out an advocate in their area., Why do you want to stay at a school where he isn't thriving? Why didn't you initiate/advocate for an IEP?, Charter schools often say they can’t accommodate but the public schools have to accommodate. Charter schools get away with a lot more and can be choosy about their students. That’s why many of them have better test scores. At least in my state. I used to work at a charter school. But you should have had an IEP by now with an autism diagnosis. The other diagnosis, depends on the kid. Some need accommodation and some don’t., This needs a LOT more information/background. For a kindergarten or first grader to be at this point a lot must have transpired. Is he diagnosed formally? Did you request an IEP or extra supports?, Oh honey, my son was kicked out of three programs. I'm so so so sorry. I'd just go to a public school where they have to take him and not fight. It's not going to be pretty if you do. It's horrible and it feels like a rejection of you and your son but it's better to go. DM me if you want. I cried and cried over this all July-this February., Is this charter school a private school or part of the public education system? Private schools do not have to offer or accomdate IEP's. I don't know about all states but in Indiana you can get a voucher that basically makes the state pay for a kids tuition to a charter school rather than attend public. Even if using the voucher, they are still charter schools and not part of the public school system, thus do not have to accomdate IEP's., You need to advocate for your child. He needs an IEP., Private schools don't have to offer IEPs and can kick anyone they want out (yes, there are ADA protections, but as long as they don't say "we're kicking you out specifically because you're disabled" it's not a case a lawyer will generally touch. Same as someone being pregnant and getting fired. Yes, it's illegal to fire a woman for being pregnant. It's not illegal to fire a woman who happens to be pregnant (and so you just don't say that's the reason and... voila). A public school would need to make accommodations and would likely be much more helpful overall (they often also will offer transportation as part of the IEP, so if you're worried about needing to make two school runs, you could have him on the bus and drive the others), I just googled this real quick so please correct me if I'm wrong, Im not from Georgia... But charter schools in Georgia are considered public school and they receive public funding. They do IEPs, so why doesn't your child have an IEP? You should have already requested an IEP or have a 504 plan in place. With his diagnosises there should be some sort of plan and accommodation to help your child succeed at school., Charter Schools typically term “different” children out of their schools in a way to ensure test scores stay high and they continue to look phenomenal on paper. They have a terrible track record of providing special education needs., Your son needs an IEP and the school system needs to offer alternative school placement where your son can access the resources he needs to be successful. If the school offered is out of your area then the school system must bus him or pay you mileage to drive him to and from school. OP you will not win this fight and it's a disservice to your son to not have him on an IEP. An IEP will protect him and provide you an avenue to handle these issues. An IEP can specify behavioral supports and social workers to assist your son in navigating his environment without acting out. As an example my daughter has an IEP specifying that she must be escorted by an adult to and from every class including before and after school. A teacher reached out asking if they can assign a peer to escort her. I pointed out that this would require an amended IEP so the teacher apologized and said they would ensure staff continue to escort her. Another time a teacher wanted my daughter moved out of her class because she felt my daughter's needs were too great. I requested a full IEP with an advocate from the district. It was pointed out to the school that what they were proposing is illegal and they were forced to ammend the IEP to provide more support in the classroom. Don't be stubborn about this and get your son an IEP. It is a legal document that will guide everyone on your son's needs., I would not keep my child anywhere he is not welcome., Your child needs an IEP and to be placed in the appropriate environment for his disability. The charter school is not able to meet his needs. If they didn't even give him an IEP with an autism diagnosis, they are really and truly incompetent. If you want your kids together, pull all of your kids out and put them in a regular public school where your disabled child can get services., Like others have said, having an IEP established is essential and would have been specifically beneficial in your case, as in my state the school board cannot expel a special education student if their disability is the underlying cause behind their behavioral misconduct, in almost all instances. I don’t know if this applies to your state or charter schools. More info is needed, you mentioned his diagnosis, was the school made aware of this or given copies of any evaluations he may have received? If you feel like reasonable accommodations weren’t made to support your child in instances where his disability may have caused him to act out, and he wasn’t a direct threat to the health and safety of others, you have a right to make a complaint with the US attorneys office for violation of the ADA. They can advise you more on your son’s rights and conduct an investigate to determine whether these rights may have been violated. In my state they aggressively enforce violations, particularly violations that affect children in childcare or educational settings. I believe this applies to any educational setting, unless it’s run by a religious organization. I’ve seen several local news articles in my area where complaints of disenrollment based on discrimination for ASD children have led to settlements, both monetarily to compensate the family and lengthy time periods of DOJ monitoring to ensure compliance and mandatory retraining of staff. They usually comply and settle to avoid further litigation. If you go that route and you have a valid complaint potentially your child could be reenrolled? That’s if you are set on that school, I see you mentioned your other children attending and wanting to keep them together, but it may be advisable to find a better fit, although I understand it can be frustrating as parent to be told to just cut your losses and move on, for some people this happens time and time again and it’s not okay. It is always within your rights to make that complaint. I wouldn’t recommend navigating anything legally without additional support., Public charters are legally required to follow 504 and IDEA but often don't, since the oversight on that is much less than with a regular public school, due to a charter school's governing structure. Basically, they get funding that public schools get but have a lot more flexibility with how they do things. Though it depends on the state to be sure, generally they are not great with excpetional kids., Need more info, OP. If the school can’t “handle” him or his behavior is threatening the safety of the other kids, it might be better to find another school for him to attend., Because I lacked the education on the matter. I have 3 other kids that attend the school and I want them to stay. He isnt behind academically he is just having behavioral issues. I dont want them to kick him out they need exposure to autistic kids!, This, Yes he is diagnosed. Yes; I was told he will be fine and he doesnt need an IEP.From November to February everything was fine. The doctor changed his medication because he gained alot of weight and with the new meds it caused ALOT of aggresion we actually moved in reverse. He has been charged with destruction of property (pulling leaves off tree) he throws alot now and he hits. One of the incidents a child hit him first but he is a bigger kid he is already 100 pounds now. They say he isnt struggling academically so there is no reason for IEP, Read this comment OP!, I think charter schools are public schools in Georgia. I don't know much about charter schools but it looks like they are publicly funded in GA and do IEPs and and 504 plans. It's a little different of an enrollment than public schools because you do have to apply to go there. So this confuses me too lol, If its charters schools like here in New Orleans they are public schools., 𝑰 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒈𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒇𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆 𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒒𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒍𝒕𝒚 ! 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒖𝒍𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒉𝒊𝒎, Your kid doesn’t exist to teach other people about autism. His needs must be the priority, and they are not getting met in the current setting. Let this experience turn into a blessing for your family., This is not the correct environment for your child and it is not fair to ask every other family to accept the risk to their own kids' safety and access to education in order to "expose" them to your child. My son was violent, and had self control issues, and was bigger than all of his peers. These issues do not magically disappear and without a properly supportive classroom environment he WILL struggle. My son would never have made it to graduation without appropriate supports from pre-k on. It doesn't feel good to be removed and it seems like a big part of this may be convenience for you with your other kids but please find an appropriate setting for your child based on his behaviors now., Some charters/other private schools here will accomdate IEP/504 plans, but they are not legally required to do so like the public school system is. I knew there was a possibility of it being different in other states, but I still thought it was worth mentioning. OP definitely left out some important information needed if OP is looking for any deeper advice except perhaps to seek out an advocate in their area., Why do you want to stay at a school where he isn't thriving? Why didn't you initiate/advocate for an IEP?, Charter schools often say they can’t accommodate but the public schools have to accommodate. Charter schools get away with a lot more and can be choosy about their students. That’s why many of them have better test scores. At least in my state. I used to work at a charter school. But you should have had an IEP by now with an autism diagnosis. The other diagnosis, depends on the kid. Some need accommodation and some don’t., This needs a LOT more information/background. For a kindergarten or first grader to be at this point a lot must have transpired. Is he diagnosed formally? Did you request an IEP or extra supports?, Oh honey, my son was kicked out of three programs. I'm so so so sorry. I'd just go to a public school where they have to take him and not fight. It's not going to be pretty if you do. It's horrible and it feels like a rejection of you and your son but it's better to go. DM me if you want. I cried and cried over this all July-this February., Is this charter school a private school or part of the public education system? Private schools do not have to offer or accomdate IEP's. I don't know about all states but in Indiana you can get a voucher that basically makes the state pay for a kids tuition to a charter school rather than attend public. Even if using the voucher, they are still charter schools and not part of the public school system, thus do not have to accomdate IEP's., You need to advocate for your child. He needs an IEP., Private schools don't have to offer IEPs and can kick anyone they want out (yes, there are ADA protections, but as long as they don't say "we're kicking you out specifically because you're disabled" it's not a case a lawyer will generally touch. Same as someone being pregnant and getting fired. Yes, it's illegal to fire a woman for being pregnant. It's not illegal to fire a woman who happens to be pregnant (and so you just don't say that's the reason and... voila). A public school would need to make accommodations and would likely be much more helpful overall (they often also will offer transportation as part of the IEP, so if you're worried about needing to make two school runs, you could have him on the bus and drive the others), I just googled this real quick so please correct me if I'm wrong, Im not from Georgia... But charter schools in Georgia are considered public school and they receive public funding. They do IEPs, so why doesn't your child have an IEP? You should have already requested an IEP or have a 504 plan in place. With his diagnosises there should be some sort of plan and accommodation to help your child succeed at school., Charter Schools typically term “different” children out of their schools in a way to ensure test scores stay high and they continue to look phenomenal on paper. They have a terrible track record of providing special education needs., Your son needs an IEP and the school system needs to offer alternative school placement where your son can access the resources he needs to be successful. If the school offered is out of your area then the school system must bus him or pay you mileage to drive him to and from school. OP you will not win this fight and it's a disservice to your son to not have him on an IEP. An IEP will protect him and provide you an avenue to handle these issues. An IEP can specify behavioral supports and social workers to assist your son in navigating his environment without acting out. As an example my daughter has an IEP specifying that she must be escorted by an adult to and from every class including before and after school. A teacher reached out asking if they can assign a peer to escort her. I pointed out that this would require an amended IEP so the teacher apologized and said they would ensure staff continue to escort her. Another time a teacher wanted my daughter moved out of her class because she felt my daughter's needs were too great. I requested a full IEP with an advocate from the district. It was pointed out to the school that what they were proposing is illegal and they were forced to ammend the IEP to provide more support in the classroom. Don't be stubborn about this and get your son an IEP. It is a legal document that will guide everyone on your son's needs., I would not keep my child anywhere he is not welcome., Your child needs an IEP and to be placed in the appropriate environment for his disability. The charter school is not able to meet his needs. If they didn't even give him an IEP with an autism diagnosis, they are really and truly incompetent. If you want your kids together, pull all of your kids out and put them in a regular public school where your disabled child can get services., Like others have said, having an IEP established is essential and would have been specifically beneficial in your case, as in my state the school board cannot expel a special education student if their disability is the underlying cause behind their behavioral misconduct, in almost all instances. I don’t know if this applies to your state or charter schools. More info is needed, you mentioned his diagnosis, was the school made aware of this or given copies of any evaluations he may have received? If you feel like reasonable accommodations weren’t made to support your child in instances where his disability may have caused him to act out, and he wasn’t a direct threat to the health and safety of others, you have a right to make a complaint with the US attorneys office for violation of the ADA. They can advise you more on your son’s rights and conduct an investigate to determine whether these rights may have been violated. In my state they aggressively enforce violations, particularly violations that affect children in childcare or educational settings. I believe this applies to any educational setting, unless it’s run by a religious organization. I’ve seen several local news articles in my area where complaints of disenrollment based on discrimination for ASD children have led to settlements, both monetarily to compensate the family and lengthy time periods of DOJ monitoring to ensure compliance and mandatory retraining of staff. They usually comply and settle to avoid further litigation. If you go that route and you have a valid complaint potentially your child could be reenrolled? That’s if you are set on that school, I see you mentioned your other children attending and wanting to keep them together, but it may be advisable to find a better fit, although I understand it can be frustrating as parent to be told to just cut your losses and move on, for some people this happens time and time again and it’s not okay. It is always within your rights to make that complaint. I wouldn’t recommend navigating anything legally without additional support., Public charters are legally required to follow 504 and IDEA but often don't, since the oversight on that is much less than with a regular public school, due to a charter school's governing structure. Basically, they get funding that public schools get but have a lot more flexibility with how they do things. Though it depends on the state to be sure, generally they are not great with excpetional kids., Need more info, OP. If the school can’t “handle” him or his behavior is threatening the safety of the other kids, it might be better to find another school for him to attend., Because I lacked the education on the matter. I have 3 other kids that attend the school and I want them to stay. He isnt behind academically he is just having behavioral issues. I dont want them to kick him out they need exposure to autistic kids!, This, Yes he is diagnosed. Yes; I was told he will be fine and he doesnt need an IEP.From November to February everything was fine. The doctor changed his medication because he gained alot of weight and with the new meds it caused ALOT of aggresion we actually moved in reverse. He has been charged with destruction of property (pulling leaves off tree) he throws alot now and he hits. One of the incidents a child hit him first but he is a bigger kid he is already 100 pounds now. They say he isnt struggling academically so there is no reason for IEP, Read this comment OP!, I think charter schools are public schools in Georgia. I don't know much about charter schools but it looks like they are publicly funded in GA and do IEPs and and 504 plans. It's a little different of an enrollment than public schools because you do have to apply to go there. So this confuses me too lol, If its charters schools like here in New Orleans they are public schools., 𝑰 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒈𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒇𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆 𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒒𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒍𝒕𝒚 ! 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒖𝒍𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒉𝒊𝒎, Your kid doesn’t exist to teach other people about autism. His needs must be the priority, and they are not getting met in the current setting. Let this experience turn into a blessing for your family., This is not the correct environment for your child and it is not fair to ask every other family to accept the risk to their own kids' safety and access to education in order to "expose" them to your child. My son was violent, and had self control issues, and was bigger than all of his peers. These issues do not magically disappear and without a properly supportive classroom environment he WILL struggle. My son would never have made it to graduation without appropriate supports from pre-k on. It doesn't feel good to be removed and it seems like a big part of this may be convenience for you with your other kids but please find an appropriate setting for your child based on his behaviors now., Some charters/other private schools here will accomdate IEP/504 plans, but they are not legally required to do so like the public school system is. I knew there was a possibility of it being different in other states, but I still thought it was worth mentioning. OP definitely left out some important information needed if OP is looking for any deeper advice except perhaps to seek out an advocate in their area., Why do you want to stay at a school where he isn't thriving? Why didn't you initiate/advocate for an IEP?, Charter schools often say they can’t accommodate but the public schools have to accommodate. Charter schools get away with a lot more and can be choosy about their students. That’s why many of them have better test scores. At least in my state. I used to work at a charter school. But you should have had an IEP by now with an autism diagnosis. The other diagnosis, depends on the kid. Some need accommodation and some don’t., This needs a LOT more information/background. For a kindergarten or first grader to be at this point a lot must have transpired. Is he diagnosed formally? Did you request an IEP or extra supports?, Oh honey, my son was kicked out of three programs. I'm so so so sorry. I'd just go to a public school where they have to take him and not fight. It's not going to be pretty if you do. It's horrible and it feels like a rejection of you and your son but it's better to go. DM me if you want. I cried and cried over this all July-this February., Is this charter school a private school or part of the public education system? Private schools do not have to offer or accomdate IEP's. I don't know about all states but in Indiana you can get a voucher that basically makes the state pay for a kids tuition to a charter school rather than attend public. Even if using the voucher, they are still charter schools and not part of the public school system, thus do not have to accomdate IEP's., You need to advocate for your child. He needs an IEP., Private schools don't have to offer IEPs and can kick anyone they want out (yes, there are ADA protections, but as long as they don't say "we're kicking you out specifically because you're disabled" it's not a case a lawyer will generally touch. Same as someone being pregnant and getting fired. Yes, it's illegal to fire a woman for being pregnant. It's not illegal to fire a woman who happens to be pregnant (and so you just don't say that's the reason and... voila). A public school would need to make accommodations and would likely be much more helpful overall (they often also will offer transportation as part of the IEP, so if you're worried about needing to make two school runs, you could have him on the bus and drive the others), I just googled this real quick so please correct me if I'm wrong, Im not from Georgia... But charter schools in Georgia are considered public school and they receive public funding. They do IEPs, so why doesn't your child have an IEP? You should have already requested an IEP or have a 504 plan in place. With his diagnosises there should be some sort of plan and accommodation to help your child succeed at school., Charter Schools typically term “different” children out of their schools in a way to ensure test scores stay high and they continue to look phenomenal on paper. They have a terrible track record of providing special education needs., Your son needs an IEP and the school system needs to offer alternative school placement where your son can access the resources he needs to be successful. If the school offered is out of your area then the school system must bus him or pay you mileage to drive him to and from school. OP you will not win this fight and it's a disservice to your son to not have him on an IEP. An IEP will protect him and provide you an avenue to handle these issues. An IEP can specify behavioral supports and social workers to assist your son in navigating his environment without acting out. As an example my daughter has an IEP specifying that she must be escorted by an adult to and from every class including before and after school. A teacher reached out asking if they can assign a peer to escort her. I pointed out that this would require an amended IEP so the teacher apologized and said they would ensure staff continue to escort her. Another time a teacher wanted my daughter moved out of her class because she felt my daughter's needs were too great. I requested a full IEP with an advocate from the district. It was pointed out to the school that what they were proposing is illegal and they were forced to ammend the IEP to provide more support in the classroom. Don't be stubborn about this and get your son an IEP. It is a legal document that will guide everyone on your son's needs., I would not keep my child anywhere he is not welcome., Your child needs an IEP and to be placed in the appropriate environment for his disability. The charter school is not able to meet his needs. If they didn't even give him an IEP with an autism diagnosis, they are really and truly incompetent. If you want your kids together, pull all of your kids out and put them in a regular public school where your disabled child can get services., Like others have said, having an IEP established is essential and would have been specifically beneficial in your case, as in my state the school board cannot expel a special education student if their disability is the underlying cause behind their behavioral misconduct, in almost all instances. I don’t know if this applies to your state or charter schools. More info is needed, you mentioned his diagnosis, was the school made aware of this or given copies of any evaluations he may have received? If you feel like reasonable accommodations weren’t made to support your child in instances where his disability may have caused him to act out, and he wasn’t a direct threat to the health and safety of others, you have a right to make a complaint with the US attorneys office for violation of the ADA. They can advise you more on your son’s rights and conduct an investigate to determine whether these rights may have been violated. In my state they aggressively enforce violations, particularly violations that affect children in childcare or educational settings. I believe this applies to any educational setting, unless it’s run by a religious organization. I’ve seen several local news articles in my area where complaints of disenrollment based on discrimination for ASD children have led to settlements, both monetarily to compensate the family and lengthy time periods of DOJ monitoring to ensure compliance and mandatory retraining of staff. They usually comply and settle to avoid further litigation. If you go that route and you have a valid complaint potentially your child could be reenrolled? That’s if you are set on that school, I see you mentioned your other children attending and wanting to keep them together, but it may be advisable to find a better fit, although I understand it can be frustrating as parent to be told to just cut your losses and move on, for some people this happens time and time again and it’s not okay. It is always within your rights to make that complaint. I wouldn’t recommend navigating anything legally without additional support., Public charters are legally required to follow 504 and IDEA but often don't, since the oversight on that is much less than with a regular public school, due to a charter school's governing structure. Basically, they get funding that public schools get but have a lot more flexibility with how they do things. Though it depends on the state to be sure, generally they are not great with excpetional kids., Need more info, OP. If the school can’t “handle” him or his behavior is threatening the safety of the other kids, it might be better to find another school for him to attend., Because I lacked the education on the matter. I have 3 other kids that attend the school and I want them to stay. He isnt behind academically he is just having behavioral issues. I dont want them to kick him out they need exposure to autistic kids!, This, Yes he is diagnosed. Yes; I was told he will be fine and he doesnt need an IEP.From November to February everything was fine. The doctor changed his medication because he gained alot of weight and with the new meds it caused ALOT of aggresion we actually moved in reverse. He has been charged with destruction of property (pulling leaves off tree) he throws alot now and he hits. One of the incidents a child hit him first but he is a bigger kid he is already 100 pounds now. They say he isnt struggling academically so there is no reason for IEP, Read this comment OP!, I think charter schools are public schools in Georgia. I don't know much about charter schools but it looks like they are publicly funded in GA and do IEPs and and 504 plans. It's a little different of an enrollment than public schools because you do have to apply to go there. So this confuses me too lol, If its charters schools like here in New Orleans they are public schools., 𝑰 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒈𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒇𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆 𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒒𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒍𝒕𝒚 ! 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒖𝒍𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒉𝒊𝒎, Your kid doesn’t exist to teach other people about autism. His needs must be the priority, and they are not getting met in the current setting. Let this experience turn into a blessing for your family., This is not the correct environment for your child and it is not fair to ask every other family to accept the risk to their own kids' safety and access to education in order to "expose" them to your child. My son was violent, and had self control issues, and was bigger than all of his peers. These issues do not magically disappear and without a properly supportive classroom environment he WILL struggle. My son would never have made it to graduation without appropriate supports from pre-k on. It doesn't feel good to be removed and it seems like a big part of this may be convenience for you with your other kids but please find an appropriate setting for your child based on his behaviors now., Some charters/other private schools here will accomdate IEP/504 plans, but they are not legally required to do so like the public school system is. I knew there was a possibility of it being different in other states, but I still thought it was worth mentioning. OP definitely left out some important information needed if OP is looking for any deeper advice except perhaps to seek out an advocate in their area., Why do you want to stay at a school where he isn't thriving? Why didn't you initiate/advocate for an IEP?, Charter schools often say they can’t accommodate but the public schools have to accommodate. Charter schools get away with a lot more and can be choosy about their students. That’s why many of them have better test scores. At least in my state. I used to work at a charter school. But you should have had an IEP by now with an autism diagnosis. The other diagnosis, depends on the kid. Some need accommodation and some don’t., This needs a LOT more information/background. For a kindergarten or first grader to be at this point a lot must have transpired. Is he diagnosed formally? Did you request an IEP or extra supports?, Oh honey, my son was kicked out of three programs. I'm so so so sorry. I'd just go to a public school where they have to take him and not fight. It's not going to be pretty if you do. It's horrible and it feels like a rejection of you and your son but it's better to go. DM me if you want. I cried and cried over this all July-this February., Is this charter school a private school or part of the public education system? Private schools do not have to offer or accomdate IEP's. I don't know about all states but in Indiana you can get a voucher that basically makes the state pay for a kids tuition to a charter school rather than attend public. Even if using the voucher, they are still charter schools and not part of the public school system, thus do not have to accomdate IEP's., You need to advocate for your child. He needs an IEP., Private schools don't have to offer IEPs and can kick anyone they want out (yes, there are ADA protections, but as long as they don't say "we're kicking you out specifically because you're disabled" it's not a case a lawyer will generally touch. Same as someone being pregnant and getting fired. Yes, it's illegal to fire a woman for being pregnant. It's not illegal to fire a woman who happens to be pregnant (and so you just don't say that's the reason and... voila). A public school would need to make accommodations and would likely be much more helpful overall (they often also will offer transportation as part of the IEP, so if you're worried about needing to make two school runs, you could have him on the bus and drive the others), I just googled this real quick so please correct me if I'm wrong, Im not from Georgia... But charter schools in Georgia are considered public school and they receive public funding. They do IEPs, so why doesn't your child have an IEP? You should have already requested an IEP or have a 504 plan in place. With his diagnosises there should be some sort of plan and accommodation to help your child succeed at school., Charter Schools typically term “different” children out of their schools in a way to ensure test scores stay high and they continue to look phenomenal on paper. They have a terrible track record of providing special education needs., Your son needs an IEP and the school system needs to offer alternative school placement where your son can access the resources he needs to be successful. If the school offered is out of your area then the school system must bus him or pay you mileage to drive him to and from school. OP you will not win this fight and it's a disservice to your son to not have him on an IEP. An IEP will protect him and provide you an avenue to handle these issues. An IEP can specify behavioral supports and social workers to assist your son in navigating his environment without acting out. As an example my daughter has an IEP specifying that she must be escorted by an adult to and from every class including before and after school. A teacher reached out asking if they can assign a peer to escort her. I pointed out that this would require an amended IEP so the teacher apologized and said they would ensure staff continue to escort her. Another time a teacher wanted my daughter moved out of her class because she felt my daughter's needs were too great. I requested a full IEP with an advocate from the district. It was pointed out to the school that what they were proposing is illegal and they were forced to ammend the IEP to provide more support in the classroom. Don't be stubborn about this and get your son an IEP. It is a legal document that will guide everyone on your son's needs., I would not keep my child anywhere he is not welcome., Your child needs an IEP and to be placed in the appropriate environment for his disability. The charter school is not able to meet his needs. If they didn't even give him an IEP with an autism diagnosis, they are really and truly incompetent. If you want your kids together, pull all of your kids out and put them in a regular public school where your disabled child can get services., Like others have said, having an IEP established is essential and would have been specifically beneficial in your case, as in my state the school board cannot expel a special education student if their disability is the underlying cause behind their behavioral misconduct, in almost all instances. I don’t know if this applies to your state or charter schools. More info is needed, you mentioned his diagnosis, was the school made aware of this or given copies of any evaluations he may have received? If you feel like reasonable accommodations weren’t made to support your child in instances where his disability may have caused him to act out, and he wasn’t a direct threat to the health and safety of others, you have a right to make a complaint with the US attorneys office for violation of the ADA. They can advise you more on your son’s rights and conduct an investigate to determine whether these rights may have been violated. In my state they aggressively enforce violations, particularly violations that affect children in childcare or educational settings. I believe this applies to any educational setting, unless it’s run by a religious organization. I’ve seen several local news articles in my area where complaints of disenrollment based on discrimination for ASD children have led to settlements, both monetarily to compensate the family and lengthy time periods of DOJ monitoring to ensure compliance and mandatory retraining of staff. They usually comply and settle to avoid further litigation. If you go that route and you have a valid complaint potentially your child could be reenrolled? That’s if you are set on that school, I see you mentioned your other children attending and wanting to keep them together, but it may be advisable to find a better fit, although I understand it can be frustrating as parent to be told to just cut your losses and move on, for some people this happens time and time again and it’s not okay. It is always within your rights to make that complaint. I wouldn’t recommend navigating anything legally without additional support., Public charters are legally required to follow 504 and IDEA but often don't, since the oversight on that is much less than with a regular public school, due to a charter school's governing structure. Basically, they get funding that public schools get but have a lot more flexibility with how they do things. Though it depends on the state to be sure, generally they are not great with excpetional kids., Need more info, OP. If the school can’t “handle” him or his behavior is threatening the safety of the other kids, it might be better to find another school for him to attend., Because I lacked the education on the matter. I have 3 other kids that attend the school and I want them to stay. He isnt behind academically he is just having behavioral issues. I dont want them to kick him out they need exposure to autistic kids!, This, Yes he is diagnosed. Yes; I was told he will be fine and he doesnt need an IEP.From November to February everything was fine. The doctor changed his medication because he gained alot of weight and with the new meds it caused ALOT of aggresion we actually moved in reverse. He has been charged with destruction of property (pulling leaves off tree) he throws alot now and he hits. One of the incidents a child hit him first but he is a bigger kid he is already 100 pounds now. They say he isnt struggling academically so there is no reason for IEP, Read this comment OP!, I think charter schools are public schools in Georgia. I don't know much about charter schools but it looks like they are publicly funded in GA and do IEPs and and 504 plans. It's a little different of an enrollment than public schools because you do have to apply to go there. So this confuses me too lol, If its charters schools like here in New Orleans they are public schools., 𝑰 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒈𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒇𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆 𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒒𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒍𝒕𝒚 ! 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒖𝒍𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒉𝒊𝒎, Your kid doesn’t exist to teach other people about autism. His needs must be the priority, and they are not getting met in the current setting. Let this experience turn into a blessing for your family., This is not the correct environment for your child and it is not fair to ask every other family to accept the risk to their own kids' safety and access to education in order to "expose" them to your child. My son was violent, and had self control issues, and was bigger than all of his peers. These issues do not magically disappear and without a properly supportive classroom environment he WILL struggle. My son would never have made it to graduation without appropriate supports from pre-k on. It doesn't feel good to be removed and it seems like a big part of this may be convenience for you with your other kids but please find an appropriate setting for your child based on his behaviors now., Some charters/other private schools here will accomdate IEP/504 plans, but they are not legally required to do so like the public school system is. I knew there was a possibility of it being different in other states, but I still thought it was worth mentioning. OP definitely left out some important information needed if OP is looking for any deeper advice except perhaps to seek out an advocate in their area., Why do you want to stay at a school where he isn't thriving? Why didn't you initiate/advocate for an IEP?, Charter schools often say they can’t accommodate but the public schools have to accommodate. Charter schools get away with a lot more and can be choosy about their students. That’s why many of them have better test scores. At least in my state. I used to work at a charter school. But you should have had an IEP by now with an autism diagnosis. The other diagnosis, depends on the kid. Some need accommodation and some don’t., This needs a LOT more information/background. For a kindergarten or first grader to be at this point a lot must have transpired. Is he diagnosed formally? Did you request an IEP or extra supports?, Oh honey, my son was kicked out of three programs. I'm so so so sorry. I'd just go to a public school where they have to take him and not fight. It's not going to be pretty if you do. It's horrible and it feels like a rejection of you and your son but it's better to go. DM me if you want. I cried and cried over this all July-this February., Is this charter school a private school or part of the public education system? Private schools do not have to offer or accomdate IEP's. I don't know about all states but in Indiana you can get a voucher that basically makes the state pay for a kids tuition to a charter school rather than attend public. Even if using the voucher, they are still charter schools and not part of the public school system, thus do not have to accomdate IEP's., You need to advocate for your child. He needs an IEP., Private schools don't have to offer IEPs and can kick anyone they want out (yes, there are ADA protections, but as long as they don't say "we're kicking you out specifically because you're disabled" it's not a case a lawyer will generally touch. Same as someone being pregnant and getting fired. Yes, it's illegal to fire a woman for being pregnant. It's not illegal to fire a woman who happens to be pregnant (and so you just don't say that's the reason and... voila). A public school would need to make accommodations and would likely be much more helpful overall (they often also will offer transportation as part of the IEP, so if you're worried about needing to make two school runs, you could have him on the bus and drive the others), I just googled this real quick so please correct me if I'm wrong, Im not from Georgia... But charter schools in Georgia are considered public school and they receive public funding. They do IEPs, so why doesn't your child have an IEP? You should have already requested an IEP or have a 504 plan in place. With his diagnosises there should be some sort of plan and accommodation to help your child succeed at school., Charter Schools typically term “different” children out of their schools in a way to ensure test scores stay high and they continue to look phenomenal on paper. They have a terrible track record of providing special education needs., Your son needs an IEP and the school system needs to offer alternative school placement where your son can access the resources he needs to be successful. If the school offered is out of your area then the school system must bus him or pay you mileage to drive him to and from school. OP you will not win this fight and it's a disservice to your son to not have him on an IEP. An IEP will protect him and provide you an avenue to handle these issues. An IEP can specify behavioral supports and social workers to assist your son in navigating his environment without acting out. As an example my daughter has an IEP specifying that she must be escorted by an adult to and from every class including before and after school. A teacher reached out asking if they can assign a peer to escort her. I pointed out that this would require an amended IEP so the teacher apologized and said they would ensure staff continue to escort her. Another time a teacher wanted my daughter moved out of her class because she felt my daughter's needs were too great. I requested a full IEP with an advocate from the district. It was pointed out to the school that what they were proposing is illegal and they were forced to ammend the IEP to provide more support in the classroom. Don't be stubborn about this and get your son an IEP. It is a legal document that will guide everyone on your son's needs., I would not keep my child anywhere he is not welcome., Your child needs an IEP and to be placed in the appropriate environment for his disability. The charter school is not able to meet his needs. If they didn't even give him an IEP with an autism diagnosis, they are really and truly incompetent. If you want your kids together, pull all of your kids out and put them in a regular public school where your disabled child can get services., Like others have said, having an IEP established is essential and would have been specifically beneficial in your case, as in my state the school board cannot expel a special education student if their disability is the underlying cause behind their behavioral misconduct, in almost all instances. I don’t know if this applies to your state or charter schools. More info is needed, you mentioned his diagnosis, was the school made aware of this or given copies of any evaluations he may have received? If you feel like reasonable accommodations weren’t made to support your child in instances where his disability may have caused him to act out, and he wasn’t a direct threat to the health and safety of others, you have a right to make a complaint with the US attorneys office for violation of the ADA. They can advise you more on your son’s rights and conduct an investigate to determine whether these rights may have been violated. In my state they aggressively enforce violations, particularly violations that affect children in childcare or educational settings. I believe this applies to any educational setting, unless it’s run by a religious organization. I’ve seen several local news articles in my area where complaints of disenrollment based on discrimination for ASD children have led to settlements, both monetarily to compensate the family and lengthy time periods of DOJ monitoring to ensure compliance and mandatory retraining of staff. They usually comply and settle to avoid further litigation. If you go that route and you have a valid complaint potentially your child could be reenrolled? That’s if you are set on that school, I see you mentioned your other children attending and wanting to keep them together, but it may be advisable to find a better fit, although I understand it can be frustrating as parent to be told to just cut your losses and move on, for some people this happens time and time again and it’s not okay. It is always within your rights to make that complaint. I wouldn’t recommend navigating anything legally without additional support., Public charters are legally required to follow 504 and IDEA but often don't, since the oversight on that is much less than with a regular public school, due to a charter school's governing structure. Basically, they get funding that public schools get but have a lot more flexibility with how they do things. Though it depends on the state to be sure, generally they are not great with excpetional kids., Need more info, OP. If the school can’t “handle” him or his behavior is threatening the safety of the other kids, it might be better to find another school for him to attend., Because I lacked the education on the matter. I have 3 other kids that attend the school and I want them to stay. He isnt behind academically he is just having behavioral issues. I dont want them to kick him out they need exposure to autistic kids!, This, Yes he is diagnosed. Yes; I was told he will be fine and he doesnt need an IEP.From November to February everything was fine. The doctor changed his medication because he gained alot of weight and with the new meds it caused ALOT of aggresion we actually moved in reverse. He has been charged with destruction of property (pulling leaves off tree) he throws alot now and he hits. One of the incidents a child hit him first but he is a bigger kid he is already 100 pounds now. They say he isnt struggling academically so there is no reason for IEP, Read this comment OP!, I think charter schools are public schools in Georgia. I don't know much about charter schools but it looks like they are publicly funded in GA and do IEPs and and 504 plans. It's a little different of an enrollment than public schools because you do have to apply to go there. So this confuses me too lol, If its charters schools like here in New Orleans they are public schools., 𝑰 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒈𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒇𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆 𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒒𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒍𝒕𝒚 ! 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒖𝒍𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒉𝒊𝒎, Your kid doesn’t exist to teach other people about autism. His needs must be the priority, and they are not getting met in the current setting. Let this experience turn into a blessing for your family., This is not the correct environment for your child and it is not fair to ask every other family to accept the risk to their own kids' safety and access to education in order to "expose" them to your child. My son was violent, and had self control issues, and was bigger than all of his peers. These issues do not magically disappear and without a properly supportive classroom environment he WILL struggle. My son would never have made it to graduation without appropriate supports from pre-k on. It doesn't feel good to be removed and it seems like a big part of this may be convenience for you with your other kids but please find an appropriate setting for your child based on his behaviors now., Some charters/other private schools here will accomdate IEP/504 plans, but they are not legally required to do so like the public school system is. I knew there was a possibility of it being different in other states, but I still thought it was worth mentioning. OP definitely left out some important information needed if OP is looking for any deeper advice except perhaps to seek out an advocate in their area.
My 6 year old son wants to shave his head bald.	Hi all. My son has decided this morning that, when he gets his haircut, he wants the barber to shave his head completely bald. No other haircut will do. I have asked him why he wants this particular haircut and he says it looks cool. I've probed to see if there's a sensory reason, but he just thinks it looks cool. I should add that his 'usual' is short back and sides, with a little more on top (his choice). Ordinarily I would allow my kids to have their hair in whatever style makes them happy, however, it is currently Winter in Australia. Where we live, temperatures have been a low of 1 degree Celsius and a high of 15. Because of his sensory sensitivities, he flat out refuses to wear beanies, jackets or long pants. Indoors, this isn't an issue. Outside, I worry. I'm worried he'll lose too much body heat with no hair, because he doesn't seem to feel the cold the way most people do. I have explained my concerns to him and he doesn't want to hear them. He has been having meltdowns on and off all day. I guess my question is: "Should this be a hill to die on, or is it not as big of a deal as I'm thinking it will be?"	As long as he’s dressed appropriately he’ll be fine. Explain his head will be cold or he’ll have to wear a hat, but let him make he choice. If he’s comfortable, why stress? Bald man survive the winter all the time. With or without hats. Without frequent maintenance it’ll grow back fast anyway., No advice about whether it’s a good idea or not, but maybe it would be better to do it now if you are leaning towards it rather than in summer where he’ll end up with a sunburned head? This is a tricky one, usually I’d say do it and let them learn from any consequences, but it’s hard with an aversion to warmer clothing or headwear., Just buy a beanie., Go for it. Tell people your son was a big fan of Shinead Oconnors and he is just mourning her departure., He will be fine. He may be a little chilly if he refuses to wear a hat, but no one has ever frozen to death in temperatures between 1-15C. We had students on my campus who ran around in shorts in subzero weather and show, and they survived., I let my daughter do this. She was the same age and wanted to be Nega Sonic Teenage warhead off of the Deadpool movie so we did it she loved it until she went to school and a teacher called her a boy she kicked him in his shin and said I am a girl and I got called to the school she hated it after that now her hair is long and she only lets the ends get cut., Do it but he has to wear a beanie outside., Thanks for your reply. Yeah, I did consider that about summer too. It gets really hot here in summer. I can usually get him to wear a hat outside, for short periods, but he always says he feels too hot and itchy with it on. Honestly, he'd live in nothing but shorts if he could. His favourite thing to do when he gets home from anywhere is to rip off his tshirt, shoes and socks. Even if it's freezing out. He's usually pulling them off before the door even closes behind him., I’ve read from other subs that having a totally shaved head can be a real sensory challenge for kiddos. Maybe ask him to start with a very short buzz, and see how he feels about it, before he goes for full bald., Thanks for this. I did consider that he might have wanted it gone for sensory reasons, but I didn't even consider the sensory challenge it might cause because I was too worried about him being too cold. We ended up going to the barber late this afternoon. I told him if bald is what he really wanted, then he could do it. He opted to keep some hair in the end. He chose a shorter style than usual (number 1 sides and a little more on top). He's very happy with his choice. When he runs his hands over it, he says it feels like patting a dog (which is a good thing).
My 9 year old is about outgrow me in size, any advice?	My nine year old with non verbal autism is about to outgrow me in size. I'm 5'6" ! He's growing faster than his brain can develope unfortunately and I know this is the case for a lot of kids. Any sort of advice relative to prepping him for how big he's going to be and how he will have to act and behave as he gets older because of his height. He has his meltdowns but he really is a sweet boy. I worry about his height, meltdowns, aggression playing a role together in the future is all. Advice is any way is very helpful	I don’t have advice. Just feel like I’m looking into my future. My son is 4 but the size of an 8 year old, everyday he gets bigger. Hope I can get him into playing basketball, so far no luck., My son is only 15 months, but he's ginormous. Is this a thing with ASD? Because he doesn't get it from either side of the family., I don't think so. In my case his father was 6' and my father was also taller than 6' so it's easy to see why my son is so incredibly large. All through babyhood he had been in the top 10th percentile of growth and by the time he was 6 he was in 0.002% of growth. I keep remembering horror stories about puberty, mixed with the memory of a kid I went to high school with that had special needs and required a leash as a support tool when transitioning. The poor kid was like a sky scraper!! Easily over 6', and the reason for the leash I was told was because of his size and aggression. I hate to say it but I don't want my boy to be the leash kid. I want him to fit in and that's gonna be VERY difficult given his size and the fact hes non verbal., I don’t have advice. Just feel like I’m looking into my future. My son is 4 but the size of an 8 year old, everyday he gets bigger. Hope I can get him into playing basketball, so far no luck., My son is only 15 months, but he's ginormous. Is this a thing with ASD? Because he doesn't get it from either side of the family., I don't think so. In my case his father was 6' and my father was also taller than 6' so it's easy to see why my son is so incredibly large. All through babyhood he had been in the top 10th percentile of growth and by the time he was 6 he was in 0.002% of growth. I keep remembering horror stories about puberty, mixed with the memory of a kid I went to high school with that had special needs and required a leash as a support tool when transitioning. The poor kid was like a sky scraper!! Easily over 6', and the reason for the leash I was told was because of his size and aggression. I hate to say it but I don't want my boy to be the leash kid. I want him to fit in and that's gonna be VERY difficult given his size and the fact hes non verbal., I don’t have advice. Just feel like I’m looking into my future. My son is 4 but the size of an 8 year old, everyday he gets bigger. Hope I can get him into playing basketball, so far no luck., My son is only 15 months, but he's ginormous. Is this a thing with ASD? Because he doesn't get it from either side of the family., I don't think so. In my case his father was 6' and my father was also taller than 6' so it's easy to see why my son is so incredibly large. All through babyhood he had been in the top 10th percentile of growth and by the time he was 6 he was in 0.002% of growth. I keep remembering horror stories about puberty, mixed with the memory of a kid I went to high school with that had special needs and required a leash as a support tool when transitioning. The poor kid was like a sky scraper!! Easily over 6', and the reason for the leash I was told was because of his size and aggression. I hate to say it but I don't want my boy to be the leash kid. I want him to fit in and that's gonna be VERY difficult given his size and the fact hes non verbal., I don’t have advice. Just feel like I’m looking into my future. My son is 4 but the size of an 8 year old, everyday he gets bigger. Hope I can get him into playing basketball, so far no luck., My son is only 15 months, but he's ginormous. Is this a thing with ASD? Because he doesn't get it from either side of the family., I don't think so. In my case his father was 6' and my father was also taller than 6' so it's easy to see why my son is so incredibly large. All through babyhood he had been in the top 10th percentile of growth and by the time he was 6 he was in 0.002% of growth. I keep remembering horror stories about puberty, mixed with the memory of a kid I went to high school with that had special needs and required a leash as a support tool when transitioning. The poor kid was like a sky scraper!! Easily over 6', and the reason for the leash I was told was because of his size and aggression. I hate to say it but I don't want my boy to be the leash kid. I want him to fit in and that's gonna be VERY difficult given his size and the fact hes non verbal.
My autistic (probably) nephew	Hi My nephew is definitely having ASD. There is no “professional” proof but I did my research and I think I'm sure. My sister does know that there is something. However, she doesn't do anything, I think she is in some kind of denial. She took an online session with a “doctor” who told her nothing wrong with him and blah blah. She finally put him in a “regular” nursery school and that's it. She has a really busy life cause she is working and has two other children to deal with. I don't know how to tell her that she is not supposed to delay focusing on her son because the earlier she starts the better he will be, and this will help her in the future as well. But I also don't want to be that person who is not living what she lives and just comes and gives advice and moves on just to feel better about themselves. I do love my sister and her child and I really want to help but I don't know how. My mother tried to talk to her but it turned out to be a big fight idk why. I'm also much younger than her that's another barrier I face. I would appreciate any advice. Thanks.	Probably not applicable but a warning from experience: When my son was younger we suspected he was on the spectrum and began going through getting him diagnosed. My wife and I both went down a rabbit hole of depression/mourning to a certain degree while coming to terms with it all. While this was happening we weren’t prepared to share the info with relatives yet. A nosey aunt was constantly on our ass about it, to the point where I found her following my son and videotaping him to send to her doctor friends. Between lack of sleep, my mental state at the time, plus everything we were going through, that woman will never know how close she came to disappearing from this world., If her child attends some school, the school will reach out to her in case of obvious problems. Can you offer her some regular help like taking the kid to and from some therapy; do you know, for example, some good speech therapist/clinic you can recommend, are you or your parents ready to pay for consultations or therapies? There is nothing wrong with the answer "no" but unless you are ready to provide some substantial help it might be better to stick to the uncle/aunt role and just spend some time with your nephew when you can, possibly using some tips for playing/educating for autistic children. You are not keeping your sister in the dark, she is aware of some issues, your mother had already brought them up with her too, now it's her choice and responsibility to choose what to do. Pushing the subject further might only ruin your relationship without any benefits for the child., It may be that she does know, is getting help and is maybe just not ready to share this with you yet. Or maybe he isn't autistic (you haven't actually mentioned what behaviours he exhibits to make you think this) and you are jumping at shadows. Either way however good your intentions are it's really not your business and you need to let it go. FYI please don't describe your nephew as having something wrong with him either, Hi, I'm going to tell you my experience as a mother who's son is most definitely ASD and we are waiting on a diagnosis. We realised our son had some delays and even brought it up to his pediatrician, he was hardly talking even at 3.5yrs old. We didn't know that we should even be concerned about ASD. But his pediatrician kept brushing off our concerns and telling us that all kids were delayed because of the pandemic. My son turned 2 at the beginning of the pandemic. It wasn't until we were able to switch pediatricians that we were able to get some sort of answers and clues to help. I was about frantic by then, he was 4.5 and still not potty trained. I was doing my best a mother trying to get him up to speed with his peers and felt like a complete failure. The only symptom I knew was related to eye contact and my son made eye contact with me and his dad just fine, he actually does have an issue with it with other ppls but didn't realise it since he was fine with us. Hindsight is 20/20 and i know now how obvious it was but had no idea before he was 4.5 that autism was a possibility, he wasnt like the autistic kids i had been around(kids are often different around other ppls that arent their parents). Anyways we went into a deep dive with his pediatrician about all his odd behaviors and he basically seemed like a typical 2yr old, and i had no idea what to do to get him ready for kindergarten. We immediately got referrals for OT and speech and for ASD evaluation. The referrals for therapy were taking to long so i did what the speech and OT ppls suggested and enrolled him into public school for part of pre k to get an IEP and start getting him help through the school district. He's still about 2 yrs out for an official diagnosis. Family who tried to share their "concerns" with us were NOT helpful. They even saw how different my son was from a step cousin that had a diagnosis. We were doing everything we could think of to help him even before autism was mentioned to us. And his pediatrician told us at every visit not to worry and that he would catch up and all kids are experiencing delays. Basically continuing to badger your sister about your research will push her away from you. You could do more harm than good. You haven't mentioned why you think your nephew has ASD or even his age. Since she put him into preschool(?) If there are issues, the school will address those with your sister even if her child's pediatrician brushed off her concerns like my son's did. P.S. it's not always easy to get a diagnosis. Symptoms can be treated without one though., Thank you. I will never do that. I actually have not mentioned anything to her., Thank you for sharing! I am in a similar situation to OP, down to the relationship and # of kids involved. I don’t want to overstep but just want to make sure they aren’t putting too much pressure on him., Maybe she is getting help but most likely no. I searched about signs and behaviors and I did observe him for a long time until I concluded that he has ASD or something similar to it. How could you say that it is not my business to worry about my sister and her son? Haven't you heard of the concept of family before? I haven't even mentioned anything to her cause if I'm going to do it I want to do it right, and most likely I'm just gonna mention something to her now and then. Thank you for the last advice. You are right I shouldn't say that about him., You are allowed to worry but concluding that he definitely is autistic based on your own research is not helpful and is just going to piss her off. My son is undiagnosed but displaying autistic signs. I know he is likely autistic but it would piss me off if anyone not qualified came up to me and just assumed my son's diagnosis., You did research... but you still aren't saying what symptoms you observe that make you believe he has ASD., Of course! That's why I haven't told her anything and I will NOT. He is likely autistic. I just don't want her to delay the diagnosis and everything else so she doesn't feel guilty or anything. I waited for a long time (1.5 years) for an action from her and I’m planning to continue waiting without saying anything. I just wanted to know if there is any advice or anything I can do. Thank you for your replay.
My autistic brother has this weird thing with ice cream	So my little brother (10) has autism, and has recently developed this habit where he will eat the top of an ice cream cone, flip it upside down, and then eat the rest tip-first. This results in him getting ice cream all over his face, his clothes, and in the carpet of our living room (he refuses to eat ice cream in our kitchen, for some reason). I have no idea how or when he developed this habit. We don’t get ice cream cones often, so he might have done this his entire life, and we only just noticed. He could’ve picked it up at school, from TV, from his Grandparents, god only knows. Even his behavior therapist has no clue why he does this. Every time we try to tell him to just eat the cone the normal way so he doesn’t make a mess, he freaks out, insisting that he has to eat the cone his way. When we tell him to just eat the ice cream in the kitchen or, at the very least, over a plate, he says he’ll just “never eat ice cream again”. He fully understands that he’s making a mess, and has said on multiple occasions that he wants to eat cleanly, but refuses to change his habits. How do we get him to stop?	Just make him eat in the kitchen or over a plate. It’s fine to eat food in a way you find fun and satisfying, but it’s not okay to make a giant mess. If eating in the kitchen makes it less fun, so be it. If he doesn’t want to eat ice cream, then okay. No one will force him. I’m flexible about food, but making a mess that other people have to clean up is not cool., Don't buy the cones, so if he wants ice cream it has to be out of a bowl. I don't buy bubble solution FULL STOP because my child cannot control herself and it always ends in the biggest disaster. Or maybe you could try the ice cream bars that are on a stick, so he can still have ice cream but it doesn't lend itself to being as messy?, Can you just serve it upside down in a bowl? I've seen sundaes made this way with scoopa put in a bowl and toppings then an upside down cone on top. Also seen plenty that just make the cone as normal then flip it into a plastic bowl., I can only guess that he does it for the chocolate that is often there in the tip. I also eat top first, and then the tip of the cone so his order of eating makes perfect logical sense to me. Even if there is no chocolate I like to eat it that way and find it weird when I see people eating it linearly ("normally") as if they are missing out on something. The only issue is that he flips the cone. Can you suggest it to him that he keeps the tip a little over his mouth and use his tongue to make sure no ice cream is wasted ? This is how I eat it and not a single drop goes anywhere but my mouth. You can try doing it yourself first and demonstrate it to him. Just be careful as you may get addicted to eating cones the right way for the rest of your life., Is he bothered by you telling him he’s not doing it normally? I just have to say that I know a lot of people who do this with the nutty buddy cones and other types of cones, too. I remember it from some neighborhood kids growing up, too. You get a very good mouthful of cone and a bit of an explosion of ice cream in your mouth when you eat it that way. So it’s probably a sensation he likes. Whenever possible when my kids eat messy things I send them outside., We have a rule that our kids have to eat at the table. This even includes things like candy and lollipops, snacks, etc. If they make a mess it is at the table and not on the couch, carpet, etc. We have been very consistent with this rule so they know this is the expectation. One time we let one of them eat on the couch when he was sick. This was six months ago and he will still occasionally ask to eat on the couch. We have found that consistency is the key with our kids so we try to rarely make exceptions. Maybe you could start a rule where he has to eat the ice cream at the table or he cannot have it., Oh man. We all do this 🤣 I don’t flip it though… bite the bottom off, and kind of “beer bong” (funnel? Ha!)/suck like a straw the remaining ice cream. I vote he gets a special “ice cream eating” beach towel, and has to sit on that. Then straight to the shower whenever possible. The carpet is the only thing that would bug me about this., My son is somewhat similar - he used to eat the ice cream and then lick as far as he could into the cone and throw it away (never biting the cone). I taught him how to bit the cone and eat it to reach more ice cream. He changed this into breaking the ice cream cone in half to lick all of the ice cream out... Eventually I taught him that this wasn't good because it made a mess so now he's back to discarding the cone. Solution - we just do cups of ice cream now. Your brother may just really like ice cream cones. How about a cup of ice cream with the cone on top so he can eat them in the order he prefers?, I do the same!, That makes it 3 of us 😀.
My autistic child makes me miserable !!!	First I'm going to say yes I love him. I'm am burdened in distress and depression. He just turned 6 he doesn't potty whatsoever ! He does it everywhere !!! And I have carpets! My whole house smells like urine and shit and I'm so sad! Because prior to this I am generally a clean freak the reek of urine and feces makes me miserable to no end! Like I don't even want to deal with him! It's hard that my house have to smell like a public restroom! I spend my days scrubbing the carpets with bleach baking Soda vinegar resolve anything that can take the odor out! Sometimes his poop is soft and watery and it stains the carpets so there are stains everywhere from poop I'm so sad! I try a lot and nothing is working he has ABA. SPEECH OCCUPATIONAL nothing is working and he is non verbal I'm so sick of this life I cry everyday and I'm ultimately drained and stressed I have no social life because I can't take the judgment .. I'm a single parent I have a three year old as well... it really sucks ! I have tried to have him sleep in my room where I can monitor him but this kid takes his diaper off and piss and shit in my room while I'm sleeping because he wakes at 4am ! My room is usually off limits and the only room that was actually smelling good but now the whole house sucks and the energy here is bad because of him ! He over eats and when I give him breakfast or dinner he still wants more when I say no he digs through the trash and eat rotten food or whatever he can find or. He will go in the backyard and find old rotten food on the ground idk what kind of autism this is but this seem more like voodoo to me i cannot adjust to this at all	Hello. Please send a message to the moderator team tl ensure this is a valid post., No one should be judging you because you are trying as hard as you can. That is very evident from your post. And you’re facing an unbelievably difficult situation alone. In regards to your two main issues: 1. Removing diapers: there are a lot of parents here who have recommended specific brands of backwards bedtime clothes that kids can’t open. If no one responds to your post, you can search here for specifics. 2. Uncontrolled eating. I would definitely go to a pediatrician and discuss the food seeking issue. That is not typical behavior and your son may need to see a specialist and get genetic testing to figure out cause and/or treatment. Hang in there!, I'm so sorry, this sound terrible and a horrible way to live. I'm sure that the judgment from pleople doesn't help at all neither. You shoud try to research if there are diapers that he can't take off., Is there a reason he doesn't wear a pull up? Is ABA working on potty training
My autistic son (15M) needs to become healthier	Hello. I’m going to get straight to the point - my son (15M) is autistic. He is obese (120kg+) and I feel like no matter what we do, I cannot get him to change his lifestyle. His father and I are extremely understand parents in my opinion, we accommodate everything we can, we send him to an autism psychiatrist, and we pay for a teaching aid at his private school. We both work full time, and are extremely lucky to have the funds available to us to help him with what he needs. He struggles with school refusal. I think this term he has attended possibly 1/5 of the days. He’s had the last 2ish weeks off because he has been complaining of a headache. I’ve taken him to the doctor a week ago and they said he had high blood pressure and to monitor this at home. This was done, and it did not improve, so we took him to the hospital where he stayed for 2 nights. They found nothing other than his weight being an issue causing the high blood pressure, which is what is making him feel unwell. The issue mainly arises with the staff’s solution. They said he needs to eat better, get more activity, and overall lose weight. This is something we have been trying for years. We try and give him healthy food, we bought him a watch to track his steps, we have him in physically exerting extracurricular activities. As I’m sure you can understand, he doesn’t want to do these things. His special interests are all gaming related (coding etc), his safe foods are chicken strips and chips, he fights every time we try to take him outside for a walk, and the watch actually is a sensory nightmare for him. I’m at my wits end here. What do I do? He won’t eat healthy, yummy food, he won’t go outside with us without having near a meltdown, he won’t go to school and he doesn’t complete homework at home either. We need to get this weight off him given the effects it’s having to his overall health. But how? I need serious help. He even went to food school when he was younger which taught him and I so many things about nutritious foods, their important to see/touch/smell/taste/eat. Please give any advice you can. This is my baby boy’s health.	I can only imagine the struggle, mine is only five but eats like crazy. He thankfully barely gains any weight (for now). I’m just thinking of things you could try to get him to be more active. If he’s into gaming, what about apps that encourage walking like that Pokémon game you could use and walk in real life to catch different Pokémon? My husband used to use an app that makes it sound like zombies are right behind you and you have to outwalk/outrun them, it was pretty fun A rewards system maybe? Like he walks X amount of steps and he gets a bonus allowance for his special interests? I wish you good luck and strength at least ❤️, That's tough. I can't say I have experience with this directly to please disregard any ideas that don't make sense to you and your family : - Would you consider limiting screen time to encourage other activities? E.g. No screen time the first hour in the morning and last hour before going to bed, or two hours break in the middle of the day or whichever seems to make most sense to you. The idea being to get him to do other things than just gaming all day, but with him taking the lead on what that should be. - Can you introduce variations of his favourite food that are a little healthier? Homemade chips baked in the oven instead of deep fried, etc. - Would VR gaming be something worth trying? At least you stand up there and move a little bit. It's hard to give really good advice not knowing the full picture and not knowing what triggers his, what his strengths are, etc. Does he experience anxiety when going outside and to new places? If so, maybe don't push too hard on that front. What is his own explanation for not wanting to eat other foods or going for walks? Is he interested in meeting like minded people who have similar interests to himself? Would he be motivated to do real life experiences that are similar to his video games (e.g laser tag if he likes shooting games). People with autism like routines and dislike when you suddenly introduce new ideas. Whatever you do, take small steps, get him to understand the benefits and how it could be fun, and try and stick with them for a while so they become part of the daily routines., Try a rewards base system, ask your kid what they really want. Set a goal of X weight Make reward significant & beneficial, What about active video games? Like Wii Sports, DDR, or Pokemon Go., Sadly I fear there's no solution he'll be OK with. Is there a way to mitigate the high blood pressure, like medication, without actually altering his weight ? Autism is something that has to be taken into account in this situation. If losing weight (which is not possible for everyone) is too much for him, medication might be the key., I would suggest the gamer combo of a standing desk and desk treadmill or an exercise office chair. I'm aware of a few pro gamers and Twitch streamers who use them, which might make it cool to him. Something like this: https://www.flexispot.com/intelligent-office-fitness-chair Or this: https://www.flexispot.com/under-desk-treadmill-14 (Though max 4mph on a flat road isn't the best IMO). Unfortunately, weight loss is mostly diet. :(, Would they be open to martial arts? My level 1 16 year old goes to teen Krav Maga. We had to try several places as she wanted pure self defense and not authoritarian (she tends to have issues with authority). I know her school takes kids of all types and levels with more sufficient needs (there is a kid with Downs Syndrome in her class). They play anime music at practices sometimes which she likes. From what I can tell almost everyone there is lgbtq+ and/or neurodivergent. She knows not to use anything unless she is attacked but she came home excited yesterday that she learned to knee people in the groin so there’s that lol., [deleted], Diet and exercise are the only real way to lose weight. Anything else is a pipe dream that scammers prey upon people with like pills or special foods that make you lose weight. Your son doesn’t necessarily need to change his diet, you just need to teach him to exercise portion control. This will be the start and get the first bunch of pounds off and help him feel better about himself. When you get that obese there’s often a bit of depression that comes with it and being healthier will help with that and losing weight and you’ll see a change in mood all around. The exercise part what I can recommend is maybe trying a game called “Ring Fit Adventure” it’s a game and it is exercise at the same time. It starts slow and scales well and works at your pace. If you do it as a family it might help. I hope these tips help you., Smaller portions, I would put him on keto and make him think its his idea. He'll have fun eating completely different than anyone else plus the weight is going to fall off. And I have a little idea that it may even help him cognitively. Good luck!!!, I totally feel for you! Such a difficult situation when his health is being directly affected. My son was recently diagnosed with contamination OCD (not that this is necessarily applicable to your son) but much of his disgust with a lot of foods is more OCD than just the autism that we assumed. Might be something to consider possibly? One of the pieces of advice that has been really helpful for our son is a “first x, then y” system. He has to take care of responsibilities then he can have screen time. (Probably harder at 15 but whatever leverage/motivation would work!) Other possible thoughts: 1) standing desk 2) treadmill during screen time 3) is there a way to get him to buy into being healthier? (Possibly related to improving his school situation since it’s something he has issues with?) Would more info about health/consequences of high blood pressure help? It’s so hard when your child faces health issues. Take care of yourself too. ❤️, Word of caution re setting step targets ..... my child doesn't have the steps counting watches or a mobile but is fully aware that shaking your arm increases your step count. I'd expect a 15yo would be aware and no doubt manipulate any set targets that weren't to physically go out with someone for x miles. Not quite the same, as my child will eat a greater range of foods, but I've had to instigate a can have 1 x product at weekend only rule. It does mean I get harangued from school finishing time Friday but has helped to try and limit the unhealthiest of the foods! Without going ott and making too much of it. I also increased the availability of the other healthier foods they will eat to try and push those. Good luck. Teenage years are so hard at the best of times. Re education, would a home tutor help?, Weight is a secondary thing and can be hard to control. AIM for lifestyle. X amount of increased heart rate activity — dancing to music, an active video game, whatever, before your favourite game. X amount of veggies before chips. Focus on the process… but yeah, if you can work with your kid on a goal they want to work towards (new game, new controller, whatever) that’s probably the better idea. We live for the ‘first-then!’, Ozempic isn't approved for youth, I have a 16F with very similar issues and we have been told there's nothing that can be done short of life style changes from her psychiatrist., I can only imagine the struggle, mine is only five but eats like crazy. He thankfully barely gains any weight (for now). I’m just thinking of things you could try to get him to be more active. If he’s into gaming, what about apps that encourage walking like that Pokémon game you could use and walk in real life to catch different Pokémon? My husband used to use an app that makes it sound like zombies are right behind you and you have to outwalk/outrun them, it was pretty fun A rewards system maybe? Like he walks X amount of steps and he gets a bonus allowance for his special interests? I wish you good luck and strength at least ❤️, That's tough. I can't say I have experience with this directly to please disregard any ideas that don't make sense to you and your family : - Would you consider limiting screen time to encourage other activities? E.g. No screen time the first hour in the morning and last hour before going to bed, or two hours break in the middle of the day or whichever seems to make most sense to you. The idea being to get him to do other things than just gaming all day, but with him taking the lead on what that should be. - Can you introduce variations of his favourite food that are a little healthier? Homemade chips baked in the oven instead of deep fried, etc. - Would VR gaming be something worth trying? At least you stand up there and move a little bit. It's hard to give really good advice not knowing the full picture and not knowing what triggers his, what his strengths are, etc. Does he experience anxiety when going outside and to new places? If so, maybe don't push too hard on that front. What is his own explanation for not wanting to eat other foods or going for walks? Is he interested in meeting like minded people who have similar interests to himself? Would he be motivated to do real life experiences that are similar to his video games (e.g laser tag if he likes shooting games). People with autism like routines and dislike when you suddenly introduce new ideas. Whatever you do, take small steps, get him to understand the benefits and how it could be fun, and try and stick with them for a while so they become part of the daily routines., Try a rewards base system, ask your kid what they really want. Set a goal of X weight Make reward significant & beneficial, What about active video games? Like Wii Sports, DDR, or Pokemon Go., Sadly I fear there's no solution he'll be OK with. Is there a way to mitigate the high blood pressure, like medication, without actually altering his weight ? Autism is something that has to be taken into account in this situation. If losing weight (which is not possible for everyone) is too much for him, medication might be the key., I would suggest the gamer combo of a standing desk and desk treadmill or an exercise office chair. I'm aware of a few pro gamers and Twitch streamers who use them, which might make it cool to him. Something like this: https://www.flexispot.com/intelligent-office-fitness-chair Or this: https://www.flexispot.com/under-desk-treadmill-14 (Though max 4mph on a flat road isn't the best IMO). Unfortunately, weight loss is mostly diet. :(, Would they be open to martial arts? My level 1 16 year old goes to teen Krav Maga. We had to try several places as she wanted pure self defense and not authoritarian (she tends to have issues with authority). I know her school takes kids of all types and levels with more sufficient needs (there is a kid with Downs Syndrome in her class). They play anime music at practices sometimes which she likes. From what I can tell almost everyone there is lgbtq+ and/or neurodivergent. She knows not to use anything unless she is attacked but she came home excited yesterday that she learned to knee people in the groin so there’s that lol., [deleted], Diet and exercise are the only real way to lose weight. Anything else is a pipe dream that scammers prey upon people with like pills or special foods that make you lose weight. Your son doesn’t necessarily need to change his diet, you just need to teach him to exercise portion control. This will be the start and get the first bunch of pounds off and help him feel better about himself. When you get that obese there’s often a bit of depression that comes with it and being healthier will help with that and losing weight and you’ll see a change in mood all around. The exercise part what I can recommend is maybe trying a game called “Ring Fit Adventure” it’s a game and it is exercise at the same time. It starts slow and scales well and works at your pace. If you do it as a family it might help. I hope these tips help you., Smaller portions, I would put him on keto and make him think its his idea. He'll have fun eating completely different than anyone else plus the weight is going to fall off. And I have a little idea that it may even help him cognitively. Good luck!!!, I totally feel for you! Such a difficult situation when his health is being directly affected. My son was recently diagnosed with contamination OCD (not that this is necessarily applicable to your son) but much of his disgust with a lot of foods is more OCD than just the autism that we assumed. Might be something to consider possibly? One of the pieces of advice that has been really helpful for our son is a “first x, then y” system. He has to take care of responsibilities then he can have screen time. (Probably harder at 15 but whatever leverage/motivation would work!) Other possible thoughts: 1) standing desk 2) treadmill during screen time 3) is there a way to get him to buy into being healthier? (Possibly related to improving his school situation since it’s something he has issues with?) Would more info about health/consequences of high blood pressure help? It’s so hard when your child faces health issues. Take care of yourself too. ❤️, Word of caution re setting step targets ..... my child doesn't have the steps counting watches or a mobile but is fully aware that shaking your arm increases your step count. I'd expect a 15yo would be aware and no doubt manipulate any set targets that weren't to physically go out with someone for x miles. Not quite the same, as my child will eat a greater range of foods, but I've had to instigate a can have 1 x product at weekend only rule. It does mean I get harangued from school finishing time Friday but has helped to try and limit the unhealthiest of the foods! Without going ott and making too much of it. I also increased the availability of the other healthier foods they will eat to try and push those. Good luck. Teenage years are so hard at the best of times. Re education, would a home tutor help?, Weight is a secondary thing and can be hard to control. AIM for lifestyle. X amount of increased heart rate activity — dancing to music, an active video game, whatever, before your favourite game. X amount of veggies before chips. Focus on the process… but yeah, if you can work with your kid on a goal they want to work towards (new game, new controller, whatever) that’s probably the better idea. We live for the ‘first-then!’, Ozempic isn't approved for youth, I have a 16F with very similar issues and we have been told there's nothing that can be done short of life style changes from her psychiatrist., I can only imagine the struggle, mine is only five but eats like crazy. He thankfully barely gains any weight (for now). I’m just thinking of things you could try to get him to be more active. If he’s into gaming, what about apps that encourage walking like that Pokémon game you could use and walk in real life to catch different Pokémon? My husband used to use an app that makes it sound like zombies are right behind you and you have to outwalk/outrun them, it was pretty fun A rewards system maybe? Like he walks X amount of steps and he gets a bonus allowance for his special interests? I wish you good luck and strength at least ❤️, That's tough. I can't say I have experience with this directly to please disregard any ideas that don't make sense to you and your family : - Would you consider limiting screen time to encourage other activities? E.g. No screen time the first hour in the morning and last hour before going to bed, or two hours break in the middle of the day or whichever seems to make most sense to you. The idea being to get him to do other things than just gaming all day, but with him taking the lead on what that should be. - Can you introduce variations of his favourite food that are a little healthier? Homemade chips baked in the oven instead of deep fried, etc. - Would VR gaming be something worth trying? At least you stand up there and move a little bit. It's hard to give really good advice not knowing the full picture and not knowing what triggers his, what his strengths are, etc. Does he experience anxiety when going outside and to new places? If so, maybe don't push too hard on that front. What is his own explanation for not wanting to eat other foods or going for walks? Is he interested in meeting like minded people who have similar interests to himself? Would he be motivated to do real life experiences that are similar to his video games (e.g laser tag if he likes shooting games). People with autism like routines and dislike when you suddenly introduce new ideas. Whatever you do, take small steps, get him to understand the benefits and how it could be fun, and try and stick with them for a while so they become part of the daily routines., Try a rewards base system, ask your kid what they really want. Set a goal of X weight Make reward significant & beneficial, What about active video games? Like Wii Sports, DDR, or Pokemon Go., Sadly I fear there's no solution he'll be OK with. Is there a way to mitigate the high blood pressure, like medication, without actually altering his weight ? Autism is something that has to be taken into account in this situation. If losing weight (which is not possible for everyone) is too much for him, medication might be the key., I would suggest the gamer combo of a standing desk and desk treadmill or an exercise office chair. I'm aware of a few pro gamers and Twitch streamers who use them, which might make it cool to him. Something like this: https://www.flexispot.com/intelligent-office-fitness-chair Or this: https://www.flexispot.com/under-desk-treadmill-14 (Though max 4mph on a flat road isn't the best IMO). Unfortunately, weight loss is mostly diet. :(, Would they be open to martial arts? My level 1 16 year old goes to teen Krav Maga. We had to try several places as she wanted pure self defense and not authoritarian (she tends to have issues with authority). I know her school takes kids of all types and levels with more sufficient needs (there is a kid with Downs Syndrome in her class). They play anime music at practices sometimes which she likes. From what I can tell almost everyone there is lgbtq+ and/or neurodivergent. She knows not to use anything unless she is attacked but she came home excited yesterday that she learned to knee people in the groin so there’s that lol., [deleted], Diet and exercise are the only real way to lose weight. Anything else is a pipe dream that scammers prey upon people with like pills or special foods that make you lose weight. Your son doesn’t necessarily need to change his diet, you just need to teach him to exercise portion control. This will be the start and get the first bunch of pounds off and help him feel better about himself. When you get that obese there’s often a bit of depression that comes with it and being healthier will help with that and losing weight and you’ll see a change in mood all around. The exercise part what I can recommend is maybe trying a game called “Ring Fit Adventure” it’s a game and it is exercise at the same time. It starts slow and scales well and works at your pace. If you do it as a family it might help. I hope these tips help you., Smaller portions, I would put him on keto and make him think its his idea. He'll have fun eating completely different than anyone else plus the weight is going to fall off. And I have a little idea that it may even help him cognitively. Good luck!!!, I totally feel for you! Such a difficult situation when his health is being directly affected. My son was recently diagnosed with contamination OCD (not that this is necessarily applicable to your son) but much of his disgust with a lot of foods is more OCD than just the autism that we assumed. Might be something to consider possibly? One of the pieces of advice that has been really helpful for our son is a “first x, then y” system. He has to take care of responsibilities then he can have screen time. (Probably harder at 15 but whatever leverage/motivation would work!) Other possible thoughts: 1) standing desk 2) treadmill during screen time 3) is there a way to get him to buy into being healthier? (Possibly related to improving his school situation since it’s something he has issues with?) Would more info about health/consequences of high blood pressure help? It’s so hard when your child faces health issues. Take care of yourself too. ❤️, Word of caution re setting step targets ..... my child doesn't have the steps counting watches or a mobile but is fully aware that shaking your arm increases your step count. I'd expect a 15yo would be aware and no doubt manipulate any set targets that weren't to physically go out with someone for x miles. Not quite the same, as my child will eat a greater range of foods, but I've had to instigate a can have 1 x product at weekend only rule. It does mean I get harangued from school finishing time Friday but has helped to try and limit the unhealthiest of the foods! Without going ott and making too much of it. I also increased the availability of the other healthier foods they will eat to try and push those. Good luck. Teenage years are so hard at the best of times. Re education, would a home tutor help?, Weight is a secondary thing and can be hard to control. AIM for lifestyle. X amount of increased heart rate activity — dancing to music, an active video game, whatever, before your favourite game. X amount of veggies before chips. Focus on the process… but yeah, if you can work with your kid on a goal they want to work towards (new game, new controller, whatever) that’s probably the better idea. We live for the ‘first-then!’, Ozempic isn't approved for youth, I have a 16F with very similar issues and we have been told there's nothing that can be done short of life style changes from her psychiatrist., I can only imagine the struggle, mine is only five but eats like crazy. He thankfully barely gains any weight (for now). I’m just thinking of things you could try to get him to be more active. If he’s into gaming, what about apps that encourage walking like that Pokémon game you could use and walk in real life to catch different Pokémon? My husband used to use an app that makes it sound like zombies are right behind you and you have to outwalk/outrun them, it was pretty fun A rewards system maybe? Like he walks X amount of steps and he gets a bonus allowance for his special interests? I wish you good luck and strength at least ❤️, That's tough. I can't say I have experience with this directly to please disregard any ideas that don't make sense to you and your family : - Would you consider limiting screen time to encourage other activities? E.g. No screen time the first hour in the morning and last hour before going to bed, or two hours break in the middle of the day or whichever seems to make most sense to you. The idea being to get him to do other things than just gaming all day, but with him taking the lead on what that should be. - Can you introduce variations of his favourite food that are a little healthier? Homemade chips baked in the oven instead of deep fried, etc. - Would VR gaming be something worth trying? At least you stand up there and move a little bit. It's hard to give really good advice not knowing the full picture and not knowing what triggers his, what his strengths are, etc. Does he experience anxiety when going outside and to new places? If so, maybe don't push too hard on that front. What is his own explanation for not wanting to eat other foods or going for walks? Is he interested in meeting like minded people who have similar interests to himself? Would he be motivated to do real life experiences that are similar to his video games (e.g laser tag if he likes shooting games). People with autism like routines and dislike when you suddenly introduce new ideas. Whatever you do, take small steps, get him to understand the benefits and how it could be fun, and try and stick with them for a while so they become part of the daily routines., Try a rewards base system, ask your kid what they really want. Set a goal of X weight Make reward significant & beneficial, What about active video games? Like Wii Sports, DDR, or Pokemon Go., Sadly I fear there's no solution he'll be OK with. Is there a way to mitigate the high blood pressure, like medication, without actually altering his weight ? Autism is something that has to be taken into account in this situation. If losing weight (which is not possible for everyone) is too much for him, medication might be the key., I would suggest the gamer combo of a standing desk and desk treadmill or an exercise office chair. I'm aware of a few pro gamers and Twitch streamers who use them, which might make it cool to him. Something like this: https://www.flexispot.com/intelligent-office-fitness-chair Or this: https://www.flexispot.com/under-desk-treadmill-14 (Though max 4mph on a flat road isn't the best IMO). Unfortunately, weight loss is mostly diet. :(, Would they be open to martial arts? My level 1 16 year old goes to teen Krav Maga. We had to try several places as she wanted pure self defense and not authoritarian (she tends to have issues with authority). I know her school takes kids of all types and levels with more sufficient needs (there is a kid with Downs Syndrome in her class). They play anime music at practices sometimes which she likes. From what I can tell almost everyone there is lgbtq+ and/or neurodivergent. She knows not to use anything unless she is attacked but she came home excited yesterday that she learned to knee people in the groin so there’s that lol., [deleted], Diet and exercise are the only real way to lose weight. Anything else is a pipe dream that scammers prey upon people with like pills or special foods that make you lose weight. Your son doesn’t necessarily need to change his diet, you just need to teach him to exercise portion control. This will be the start and get the first bunch of pounds off and help him feel better about himself. When you get that obese there’s often a bit of depression that comes with it and being healthier will help with that and losing weight and you’ll see a change in mood all around. The exercise part what I can recommend is maybe trying a game called “Ring Fit Adventure” it’s a game and it is exercise at the same time. It starts slow and scales well and works at your pace. If you do it as a family it might help. I hope these tips help you., Smaller portions, I would put him on keto and make him think its his idea. He'll have fun eating completely different than anyone else plus the weight is going to fall off. And I have a little idea that it may even help him cognitively. Good luck!!!, I totally feel for you! Such a difficult situation when his health is being directly affected. My son was recently diagnosed with contamination OCD (not that this is necessarily applicable to your son) but much of his disgust with a lot of foods is more OCD than just the autism that we assumed. Might be something to consider possibly? One of the pieces of advice that has been really helpful for our son is a “first x, then y” system. He has to take care of responsibilities then he can have screen time. (Probably harder at 15 but whatever leverage/motivation would work!) Other possible thoughts: 1) standing desk 2) treadmill during screen time 3) is there a way to get him to buy into being healthier? (Possibly related to improving his school situation since it’s something he has issues with?) Would more info about health/consequences of high blood pressure help? It’s so hard when your child faces health issues. Take care of yourself too. ❤️, Word of caution re setting step targets ..... my child doesn't have the steps counting watches or a mobile but is fully aware that shaking your arm increases your step count. I'd expect a 15yo would be aware and no doubt manipulate any set targets that weren't to physically go out with someone for x miles. Not quite the same, as my child will eat a greater range of foods, but I've had to instigate a can have 1 x product at weekend only rule. It does mean I get harangued from school finishing time Friday but has helped to try and limit the unhealthiest of the foods! Without going ott and making too much of it. I also increased the availability of the other healthier foods they will eat to try and push those. Good luck. Teenage years are so hard at the best of times. Re education, would a home tutor help?, Weight is a secondary thing and can be hard to control. AIM for lifestyle. X amount of increased heart rate activity — dancing to music, an active video game, whatever, before your favourite game. X amount of veggies before chips. Focus on the process… but yeah, if you can work with your kid on a goal they want to work towards (new game, new controller, whatever) that’s probably the better idea. We live for the ‘first-then!’, Ozempic isn't approved for youth, I have a 16F with very similar issues and we have been told there's nothing that can be done short of life style changes from her psychiatrist.
My autistic son is making me ill	I'm a mother to 3 boys. Aged 13,12 and 6. And i think I'm severely depressed. My son is 6 and non verbal autistic. He cant communicate properly so a lot of the time it's screeching, running around the house, throwing hinself on me. Hitting and crying. I'm on my own and I just don't even remember who I am. My life is miserable. I feel awful for my son and of course I love him but I'm obviously not equipped to deal with this all. I dont know what im doing!!. We have speech and language therapy. Sensory sessions. My whole day I walk on egg shells as I don't want to upset him. He hardly sleeps. I have to feed him. Change his nappy get him dressed its like having a 6 year old baby. Every single day is just hell on earth. I have two older boys. My eldest whos 13 is also autistic/adhd but no where near as severe as my youngest son. Then I have a 12 year old who is such a good kid and never gets the attention he deserves because im always so busy with my other two children. I'm in the UK. I know in America they have a lot more resources. We have very very limited help. Just on waiting lists for years n years. The last week. I've just cryed everyday. Havent been brushing my hair. Getting a shower. Just left all the housework. I just don't have the energy to do anything anymore. Then on a night I feel such guilt that I'm like this. I dont know what to do anymore 😕	I had to get on meds to be able to cope with daily life. It must be extremely hard doing it on your own. I’m so sorry., Are you able to access respite care, Definitely see a psychiatrist and counselor, even situational depression is real depression that needs treated. My grandma’s doctor had to drill this into her head for months, after my grandpa died, before she was willing to be treated. Her thoughts were “of course I’m depressed, everyone would be in my situation”, and, while that is true, that doesn’t mean treatment can’t help immensely with coping with said depression. When things were at their hardest for us, we gave each other breaks, which of course doesn’t work when you’re single, so respite is your next best bet. Look into if you qualify for respite and if you have any providers near you. Both you and your older kids need breaks from this, for your own mental health., My son sounds like yours and he is 11 now. There are good days and bad days. I am not sure what therapy is like in the UK, but it may be good to talk to someone about your struggles. You don't have to do this alone. My son takes meds at night to help with sleep and ADHD meds during the day to help with the bouncing and mind numbing brain exploding screeching. I have found routine to be key and talking out loud as much as you can so that he can hear language. When he is being "good" sit with him or invite your middle child to sit together and talk about your day in front of him. It's a long sleepless journey my friend., I'm uk based too. Does the father have any contact with the children? Pay maintenance? Have you requested a carers assessment from social services? Have your children has a care needs assessment? Do they have ehcps? Does the youngest attend a special school?, Is there any sort of respite care where you are? Can you reach out to his doctor or your for more resources? They may have some ideas. They may be able to expedite your request for care as urgent. You need a break. You need rest and you need time away from your situation., My daughter’s 8 and very similar, I’m in the UK too - the resources here are such bullshit, and I’m sorry you’re in the same boat. Look into respite, services are bloody few and far between but if you happen to be based near some larger cities then you may be lucky. I should say this isn’t something I’ve done so can’t talk from experience. I get it. I can’t offer much advice, but I get it. I had mental health issues before my daughter was born, she’s the light of my bloody life but I can’t say I’m not struggling now. I’m parenting alone now, it’s so difficult trying to juggle looking after your kid, and your own mental health issues. It sucks, and I’m sorry you feel like this too. I’m sorry I’m not of any better help. It’s a rough situation. The UK sucks. I’m genuinely here if you need to rant anytime, I get it. Sending you and your family my love, I hope things start looking up for both of us., What you’ve been doing all alone with your boys is tremendous and you should give your self so much credit. Having said that you are in much need of relief. It’s not easy doing the parenting and we sympathize with you dearly. We can’t take care of others if we don’t take care of ourselves. Hoping you can push through and start with you. 🫶love yourself a little today. Take it one task at a time. My house is a hot mess and I’m overwhelmed myself My youngest 3 y/o is nonverbal and needs the most attention. My middle boy 11 y/o doesn’t show and envy or resentment yet. I think he understands but I still feel bad that I cant do much with my middle boy as I’d like. I wish there was Respite Care in your area. Which are hours of professional home childcare to provide you relief of duties to do anything for yourself. Examples : rest/sleep. Go to doctor or therapy appointments, catch up with errands or housework. It’s a heaven sent for me. Wishing the best and big internet hug your way🫶, Look into Parent Child Interactive Therapy or PCIT. It basically will teach you how to parent a differently abled child. We went through this with my Autistic son (he’s now 19) and it was the best thing we did. You can’t parent an Autistic child like you do a typical child. Once we accepted that, and we got help in helping US learn how to help him, our lives got so much better. The struggles were/are still present, but knowing how to help him overcome those struggles are vital. PCIT gave us that., Yeah I know what this is like, my partner has fibromyalgia, lupus, osteoarthritis, severe sleep apnea, pcos, endometriosis and a bunch of other stuff I’m probably forgetting, and most of it came on after having our level 3 non verbal sensory seeking 4 year old, who’s constantly screams and runs up and down the house nonstop all day everyday - oh and he doesn’t sleep either. Our paediatrician ended up prescribing a sedative for my son to sleep , it’s an antihistamine which is a really shit solution bit there’s nothing else fir us to do. I also have severe Sibo, sifo, histamine intolerance and severe restless legs every night and I only get 1.5 hours sleep at a time, plus I have to work 6/7 days a week to lay the mortgage , but I tell you, if you keep working to make your lives better, it will get easier , now both my partner and I are very proactive about our health, we both take a range of supplements to help with our conditions and that’s really been a game changer, it’s given us not only a pep in our step, but an overall improvement in well being too and it mostly comes down to nad boosters, now we can exercise, sometimes 3 times a week and we were actually able to go on holiday this year by using our ndis funds, im on holiday now, by the beach and our son is able to go to the beach everyday and run until he collapses in exhaustion at night. I tell you this to give you some light at the end of the tunnel, I never would have imagined this even 12 months ago and yet here we are, you need to constantly look for silver linings and be proactive. Although it’s pretty hard if your doing it on your own, where’s the goddamn father, makes me so angry that men leave their children like this and as a society we really need to start putting our children first for a change , not these irresponsible lost boys., UK mum here and been in a depressive state as well; house not cleaned in weeks, no time for myself, crying, feeling hopeless, and every night is little to no sleep. My 4 year is on the waiting list still, no word on when he’ll be seen. I think the Xmas holidays are worse sometimes cos their whole routine is out of whack and their needs escalate whilst we don’t get a chance to ‘relax’ like others do around this time. I’ve managed to get private therapy via work which starts next week, I don’t know if you are able to (waiting lists are awful) but does your local council offer any services or support? They’re likely to have waiting lists too but maybe not as long. Sorry this probably isn’t helping but I hope you know you’re not alone and one day it will get better. You’re doing your best and your kids love you, UK based too dad here. Have a look into DLA since based on it, you may qualify as a single parent. Granted it's just financial assistance but it may open up doors for you to get some restbite or even just the ability to maybe fund some things to help his sensory needs better., I am so sorry. I know in the UK you can sometimes have social workers (not CPS type). Do your children have one you can ask questions of, tell your issues to? I think your fellow level 3 parents understand your struggle very well, no matter where you are. Storytime.-- My stepmother had a child who was predicted to die at 10, died at 25 ish instead, had to stop being a caretaker temporarily. Her kid had heart issues and Diabetes. Fully capable in every other way, just medically fragile. Put her kid (can't recall if he was adult or under 18 at the time) in a nursing home for about 8 months for her to recover. You can't take care of someone if you are dead or drowning. It may be time to look at options you have rejected bc it makes you feel like a bad mom. --Because you are a good mom who needs a break., I'm on meds. Have been since the end of 2019. Best thing I ever did. My husband is medicated too, mostly because he got so depressed that he had to be hospitalized and received a diagnosis of bipolar type 2. Someone else mentioned parent training. This is free from the World Health Organization. Worth a try. WHO eLearning Caregiver Skills Training for Families of Children with Developmental Delays or Disabilities [https://openwho.org/courses/caregiver-skills-training](https://openwho.org/courses/caregiver-skills-training) Also we have wait lists in the US. My kid waited six months to get into ABA only to find out when they were finally ready for her that they no longer were taking my insurance. Then six months later, after I told them where to shove their lack of communication and organization, they take it again. Respite care is a joke, our wait lists just to get evaluated for Social Security waiver program, which becomes a secondary payer for medical, is at least two years. And on top of all that we all pay insurance and copays. I still owe my kids speech and OT bills from right before the COVID lockdowns and have been relying on her school to provide it for the past few years. Just switched to a new type of insurance that is copay only and some therapies are only $10 a session so I'm trying to get her back on the wait lists. You would think that our politicians would want our children to get the therapies that they need to become fully functional and tax paying citizens in need of very little support, if any, but that doesn't seem to be the case at all. And so I take my meds and read everything I can to move my daughter forward, and it seems to be working, but progress is ever so slow sometimes. Sorry off my soapbox for now. I've found when I am at my lowest that just getting in the shower is a step in the right direction. Self care is so important but we often shut down and try to make ourselves small. What we need is to say enough, I'm going to take that shower because I need it. And get to it. My ADHD also keeps me from doing it but I get there and it's totally worth the effort, but it's worth it because it's really hard to handle all our kids throw at us when your scalp is itchy and you're stinky and look like you crawled out from under a rock., NOBODY lives your life but you....if you need to medicate your child/ren OR yourself to stay sane then do it! There is no shame for trying to cope as a parent of a child on the spectrum. If you have the means make him a safe room someplace where he can't hurt himself or escape and lock him in with a mattress on the floor a pillow, blanket and something he favors just to get a moment of peace if you have too., I have been in a depressive episode for the last 4 years of my life (which coincided with my daughter’s diagnosis among other things). I’ve tried every med in the book and therapy. It’s sometimes slightly better, but most of the time I just live on autopilot. I have kind of realized- like maybe it’s just that my life sucks (and not just because of autism, just to be clear)? I don’t know that I can medicate myself out of it. Unfortunately, the sucky things in my life are not modifiable. So I just keep plugging along, barely keeping my head above water, cause what other choice do I have? I just have to keep living or my kids would be so screwed. I know we’re not supposed to say this, but parenting a level 2/level 3 autistic child sucks no matter how much you love them. My daughter is the happiest child I know, is not aggressive and is learning to communicate better- so I feel lucky for that. I would do anything for her, I love her fiercely. But it is hard as fuck. It’s exhausting, there’s very little reward, there is very little support, I never get a break unless I’m working (which is exhausting and soul crushing as well), IEPs/schools are a nightmare, going anywhere is a gamble and could end in disaster, she is a walking tornado and destroys everything (not maliciously, but out of curiosity) if I turn my back for one second. Our schedules revolve around her therapies, i don’t know what the future looks like and if it will ever get any easier (so far, no, just harder). I will have to care for her until I die, probably, and then I don’t know what will happen- so that keeps me up at night. Her siblings don’t get enough attention, which also keeps me up at night. I don’t know where I was going with all of this, but it does suck and if medication helps you, you should use it! Do whatever it takes to make it through- there’s no shame in being depressed and it doesn’t mean you’re weak or a bad mom or anything. Take care of yourself the best you can. That’s all you can do., Uk here too! 11m and 22m both with extremely trying behaviours both at different levels both just as demanding. Honestly hun we need some help… how are child services in your area? Maybe specialist schools, early intervention. Honestly other than early diagnosis in America I do feel our resources are much more readily available you just have to ask - social services provide up to 8 hrs out of school hrs care with a carer of your choice every week if you declare your child or children are vulnerable - phone your local council children’s hub. Honestly we all need help to keep on keeping on lots of love and light. X Also on maximum outpatient dose of Venlefaxine and Quetiapine (anti psychotic) meds 15 yrs of therapy, the struggle is real but there isn’t anyone who can care for our children as we can! Saying that if anyone’s safety was truly at risk I would place absolutely any one of my family in a setting where they could be cared for. Sometimes we just don’t have what that person needs. Xx, Parenting isn’t meant to be a solo job. The father needs too be involved and have some custody. Fathers are very important for neurodivergent kids. If fathers not around a grandparent is suitable support, Some thoughts that I hope will some hope. I am a dad of a non verbal child. General comment: I have no direct or indirect affiliation with any recommendations given. I am just a dad with high guilt that did not grieve his daughter’s autism for a long time that then spent a lot of that time finding ways to help “solve” her autism. I am at a different place now but want to share things that might help others. But we all know what works for one might not for another but you have to keep trying safe options. Look into how upper cervical chiropractic work can help your child - it has helped some kids with speech delay who had a difficult birth or hard head falls. It is not going to solve your child’s autism all together but it might help with a range of issues including speech and sleep. I also know as parents we don’t have a lot of time, DM me and I can send you some links. Another option is the Nemechek Protocol. This one is a slow process but the protocol makes basic sense. There is a book - an old and new edition. The protocol in my own words boils down to fundamental health principles to reduce inflammation over time with simple everyday products you can buy in any health food store and there is a list of no eat, mainly food and snacks with some oils. The products are good certified olive and fish oil and inulin (prebiotic). The book tells you what you need to do. A slow process but not drastically different than what any very very good doctor will tell any of us to do in our daily lives in my opinion. Again for this one, busy parents can DM me if you want more info. As mentioned above no affiliation with the protocol and use your judgment and due diligence and of course consult your child’s doctor., My grandsons is like that too 6, none verbal, adhd, I got on meds his mom and dad love with me we all take care of him., Would your son qualify for respite care? If so, I'd strongly recommend setting up a date and time and taking as much TLC as you need. Maybe your older sons can go to a relative or a friend's house while your youngest son receives respite care. I also recommend talking to a professional like a psychologist, psychiatrist or your family doctor. It sounds like you have caregiver burnout., I am so sorry I am dealing with this with my girlfriends son. I couldn't imagine doing this alone. we have 4 of us trying to manage him, and we feel overwhelmed., I am a registered behavioral therapist in the US with an AuDHD son. Message me if you’d like some help- I would be willing to give tips on care for both you and your son, provide a venting place, and possibly help with resources (I am in the US so it might be difficult to find all the ones accessible to you) but I am still super willing to provide you support. I absolutely recommend therapy for yourself if possible. You need some systems of support- and if you’re too tired to find them maybe I can help ❤️, Is he in school? The school should be able to point you in the right direction. I’m so sorry you’re hurting. I’ve been in these lows too. Please seek help for yourself. 🫶🏼, You can do this, be strong. Take it 1 day at a time. You're all he's got. It's not his fault https://youtu.be/YxMic9FbDfs?feature=shared, I went on meds too and it made such a difference. It takes the edge off and really helps with the sensory overload. OP I’m so sorry you don’t have the support you need. It is way too much for one person, Depends massively on where op lives. Services are a postcode lottery in the UK. Also if kiddo has a formal diagnosis, waiting lists for neurological pediatrics are massive, we are currently just a year into a 2-3 year waiting list., Hi the father doesn't see the children or pay maintenance I do have a disability social worker and have been given 5 hours a week respite. Both my children have an EHCP. My eldest is in mainstream school with very little support. My youngest is in a specalist provison and its the best school., Is this just available in the uk? How much does it cost? Cuz if it ain’t free then i imagine it will be hard for op to afford, im in Australia and much like op, we are extremely under resourced, everything even paid stuff is waiting lists for like 6 months at the least., I may explore that link that you shared. All of your stories resonate pretty hard with me. Single mom of two on the spectrum, my oldest is six and he is non-verbal and I feel like he's regressing more and more each day. He is also not potty trained and for whatever reason has shifted his stomach clock, he is not sleeping but he is choosing to stay up from the moment he wakes up which is usually anywhere between 10:00 p.m. and 2:00 a.m. and then proceeds to crop himself and not make any noise until anywhere between 3:00 and 5:00. A.m., it's so frustrating because he's been doing this for like 2 weeks now and there's more poop coming out of him than ever before and it's so frustrating to have to clean up crap from an overloaded child's diaper first thing in the morning, it's bad enough it's in the diaper and the pants but it's so much it's getting the couch and everything... Sorry I don't mean to share my s***** experience but that's where I'm at right now. It doesn't help that my 3-year-old screams at my oldest all day long. He thinks he's helping but it's not helpful, he gets stuck in these autism loops of constantly yelling at his brother, which in turn makes his brother scream and hit himself or throw things.. 🤦🏻‍♀️ And you're absolutely right. Respite care is a joke! I'm in the US and we qualify for the social security waiver and we have it but everything that we've tried to get through it as either been shut down or insanely complicated. I kind of feel like our caseworker just wants to save the state's money... For respite care I was told if I could find someone then they would pay them. But the thing is if I had someone to watch my kids I wouldn't need respite care through the state 🤦🏻‍♀️ It doesn't help that I don't have a car and the only services I can get are through my kids school district. He's not even going to the physical school. I have to homeschool him. Luckily he can still be signed up with the district for services but what good does it do if I can't get them there? If you're curious, he's homeschooled because he was abused at school 😮‍💨 it's fucking rough out there y'all. I see you and hear you, and want to give each of you struggling parents a big hug and let you know that you're definitely not alone. The only reason I'm still here is because I don't trust what the state would do with my kids when I'm gone! It is on my list to figure out after life care for my kids but that's way down there on the list, so many other super important things to do first (praying that I don't drop dead from an aneurysm first) 🤦🏻‍♀️ Thanks for the turn on the soapbox 😅 Sorry for any typos, I use talk to text, I'm tired and My phone's grammar is horrible!, That depends greatly on the father. I can promise you the best thing my mom ever did for my brother and I was get our deadbeat father out of our lives when we were still really young., You’re going to get downvoted because it won’t help op right now. But I applaud you for saying something that desperately needs to be said but doesn’t get said because most people would rather deny uncomfortable truths , to avoid the minor discomfort in the present, even if it means we as a society end up with major problems in the future. I was going to go into why this desperately needs to be said, but I don’t want to pile on op. Regardless thank you for saying this, even though we’ll both get attacked for it., It’s a LOTTERY for respite care in the UK?!, Hi. I do claim dla for children but I'm not claiming pip. I work as a self employed cleaner I only started in June. I'm not a huge business but I have a small group of customers and I work when my sons at school. My children's father works when he can keep a job but always cash in hand on building sites. He doesn't contribute anything. Also there isn't much available in my area. With it been Christmas. School break I think everything has been too much for my son. And it's just taken its toll on me. Hes back to school tomorrow and I'm going to make an appointment at the doctors to see if I can get some help. Thankyou so much for your reply. Really means a lot., OK. Then, I would make a claim for child maintenance with the cms. Even if he's claiming benefits and you only get £7 a week, it may help. I assume you're claiming DLA for the children and PIP for yourself? Are you using the 5 hours respite? Though not ideal, does the special school offer boarding? As a suggestion as this would possibly give the child more consistency and you the ability to enjoy your child more if only weekends and holidays. Or consider speaking with your social worker about having a social worker for your child and having perhaps regular overnight respite? If none of the above, is what you wish to pursue (and I so understand why you may not), is there any extended family on either side who would perhaps be willing to care for the children at some point so you can have additional regular breaks. Have you also seen ifbthere are any autism support groups running near you? Some run amazing activities and offer support for families. Other areas have very little sadly., https://www.pcit.org/international.html ⬆️ This is the link to the website that has international links to providers in many countries. I've never heard of this therapy but I need something more than ABA to parent my 5 yo ASD 3 daughter. I have been absolutely miserable trying to cope with her terrible behavior. I'm definitely going to be looking into it., Honestly, I’m not sure. We are in the USA and the place we went to is considered a teaching clinic, so it didn’t cost us anything. I also think it was in its experimental phase at the time, and we were apart of the clinical study. I do know it’s a lot more wide spread here now, but not widely known in the Autism community, which is why I like to tell people about it. I hope to spread the word, so more people can utilize this type of therapy. It was just so incredibly helpful for us., It does depend 100%, you and your family are much better off without a father who doesn’t fulfil his fatherly roles. She made a tough but good decision!, Not OP, but great, I guess I'll kidnap my son's father and lock him and our son in a closet together. Would that suit you?, Not literally, just that services available in one postcode are not available in another. For example, the row of houses in front of ours, which are only separated from us by a small pedestrian path, can access early years services that we can't, simply because our postcodes are one digit different., No way, of course not and because I grew up in multiple abusive households as a child and ended up on the streets, I have more compassion for you than you’ll probably ever understand, if there was anything my partner and I could do to help you, we would. Im glad you’re out of that situation and I wish as a society we did something about all these absentee & or abusive fathers, I saw a piece on the big think YouTube channel thats finally admitting we’ve been failing young boys for the last 50 years, so hopefully our child’s generation won’t have to deal with the consequences of this societal failure like you and I both have., Above is just generalising the fact that two parents are better then one. Most of the “single mom issues” raising neurodivergent kids is solved by having both parents equally involved. It’s no coincidence that with the increased divorce rate we see a major spike in family’s needing government aid to raise children. Yes, there are drop kick fathers who don’t deserve their next breath of air let alone the privilege to call themselves fathers. But that’s a unique small % of fathers, and for every drop kick dad, there is equally a narcissistic mother with a vengeance towards a good father. Unfortunately not matter how you slice it, the more then 50% divorced family’s. Either way the children suffer & that effect is worse on neurodivergent kids who need more support., I'm not sure what situation you think I'm out of, but I appreciate the intention nonetheless. The only societal failure I experience the consequences of is a society that turns a blind eye to deadbeats while doling out an extra helping of misogyny to single moms., "But that’s a unique small % of fathers, and for every drop kick dad, there is equally a narcissistic mother with a vengeance towards a good father." Sure, keep telling yourself that., Think a little deeper, How do you think the deadbeats are created? How do you think we prevent that in the future? Also why is it mysignist to want to prevent having deadbeat - absentee fathers and or single mothers? FYI I have more disdain for deadbeat absentee fathers than you’ll ever understand- is that misogynist too? But this is actually the kind of misinformed , defensive attitude that’s prevented society from doing anything about the problem, so if you want your problem to continue for further generations, then keep it up, but if you want to prevent it for future generations, then I suggest being proactive - not defensive , and actually educating yourself on your own problem. Watch this https://youtu.be/DBG1Wgg32Ok?si=X_szg9dBHMJowxtC, Wow, you're an idiot., Yeah ok, I’m not the one complaining about something I don’t even understand and then criticising others for actually making an effort to understand and ultimately mitigate the problem. Again your defensive emotional ad hominem responses are part of the problem. But you wouldn’t know anything about that because you think deadbeat dads occur in a bloody vacuum., Please, tell me the millenia-long history of misogyny you wrote your thesis on, which is the actual backdrop of deadbeat dads, as well as the additional misogyny single mothers face. I'll look forward to reading the chapters on women historically being forced into lifelong retirement (or killed); on underfunded family court systems; on the absolute lack of social and legal consequences that deadbeats face (see underfunded court system; patriarchy, generally). Oh, wait. What's that? You didn't write a thesis? You're just an idiot with a YouTube link? Yeah, that's what I thought., lol yeah cuz feminists have great insights into the minds of males don’t they??? You probably don’t even understand how males evolved differently than females. I’m guessing you also subscribe to a faulty blank slate theory as well?? But I know your thesis would of scored well with the feminist gender studies teachers- outside of that though, where far more educated and qualified people than yourself, people that have written multiple thesis’s on these problems, you know experts, oh no their consensus is meaningless in the face of your singular jejune thesis . I mean if you were going to be consistent with your own elitist logic , then you should be listening to the big think piece by Richard reeves instead of dismissing it out of hand. But let’s say for one second that misogny did provide the “ backdrop” for all deadbeat dads to leave their families - why are they misogynists in the first place genius? What failed in these boys lives for them to be raised to think it’s ok to bail on their children? If your going to say misogyny again - don’t even bother answering, cuz you will have just proved your the idiot and I won’t be responding, cuz your just an ideologue, I mean imagine that, a feminist ideologue that believes misogyny can explain everything. I
My baby is level 2	My son is diagnosed when he was 18 months with autism, from then ‘till now he regressed more, now he is level 2 and he is 2.5 years old. Learning new stuff but still not verbal, using signs for some things. His new BCBA told me that he will never be independent and that broke me. I was always secretly hoping that he will be good, didn’t know what to expect from the future, I think as he grows things are more obvious. Can you guys tell me your experience, if you have older level 2 child. How is life?	From what I've read on here no "professional" should be telling you whether or not your kid will ever be independent at 2 years old. Autistic kid's development is too unpredictable for that. Levels can also change with development. I have a friend who didn't speak until 3, is level 2, and is very independent. Sure it's something to maybe keep in mind, but I wouldn't be making any concrete predictions at 2, easier said than done I know., Whoever told you that your child will never be independent needs reported. That’s such nonsense, especially at this young age. I also think that labeling autism by levels is dumb. Especially this early on because so much can change as they develop. My only advice is to love your child the same as before they got their diagnosis and don’t worry about anyone else’s opinions, Level 2 is a support level, all kids at that age are high support, so it's a guess. >His new BCBA told me that he will never be independent They don't have enough information to say that, and shouldn't be saying that. That said, I keep going back to the fact that 16% of adults with autism work full time... if you have a kid with autism, the odds that you are going to need to be more supportive throughout their life is pretty good regardless of what support level is assigned., I’ve spoken to a couple of moms of adult sons diagnosed with classical autism (before levels were a thing) who were told their kids would never speak, never hold a conversation, never attend university, never drive, never have a job, etc. and they are both doing all of that now. They live at home, but they are only around 20yo so still have a lifetime of progress ahead. My son turns 3yo on Friday and sounds very much like your boy. While I remain realistic and know he will never be NT, I will not allow anyone to tell me what he will or won’t be capable of. Please don’t allow that BCBA to do that., Get a new BCBA and let this one be psychic some other place. Maybe her dumb ass can win the lottery. My oldest was nonverbal until 3. He is gifted, empathetic, has friends and is just an amazing human being. He doesn't need supports but he may in the future and that is OK as of right now though he is thriving in school and in friendships as a teen., My brother is autistic, but also has a TBI, epilepsy, had half of his brain removed due to grand mal seizures etc. A BCBA told my mom that too. They told her he would never do anything on his own. He can spell, read, write, tell time, fully verbal, nearly dresses himself, does some ADLs independently, he even plays Nintendo super well 1 handed (one of his arm/hand we call his "helper" hand because he has no control of it) my mom said she told that man to get out and never come back. He did come back several years later and was shocked at the amount of progress. My mom told him to get out again after she let him see the progress. 🤣 my point is never let anyone tell you what your child is capable of, especially at 2 years old., I teach self contained pre k (3-5). most of my kids have a level 3 autism diagnosis. in a little over 6 months I have seen kids go from completely nonverbal and having huge challenging behaviors to using 3 word phrases and fully participating in classroom routines. these are kids in their very first year of school! I cannot imagine why she would say that to you but you really can't know a child's future from a few interactions, my son was diagnosed last year at 2 years old and was given level 2. exactly one year ago today he wouldn’t listen to his name or make eye contact. He is 3 now and wow the progress he’s made in a year is astronomically amazing. He still doesn’t talk fluently but he can communicate with one letter words and signs. he comprehends so much more than last year and he’s so smart. OT and Speech have helped so much, i can’t emphasize the importance of finding great therapists. He just started school and i’m excited to see what progress he makes., Your baby is still a baby! My little guy was diagnosed level 3 just before his third birthday. He wouldn't communicate with anyone other than me at all, and I only got the occasional wailing "mama" and shrieking when displeased. He transitioned out of EI which we only did for 6 months before he aged out and into a pre k classroom with kids with multiple disabilities. A few weeks into school, he came home and said, "I want to watch Toy Story 2 on the big TV, please." He progressed so well that they sent him to the mainstream classroom for part of the day and then decided to integrate him into that classroom for the rest of pre-k. He's 5 now. We are struggling with potty training, but he's going into a mainstream classroom for kindergarten with 90 minutes out for special education and therapies. He requires more support than his peers, but he's learning. He is definitely lacking socially, but he's well liked anyway. He never stops talking. He even talks in his sleep. He wakes up in the middle of the night and just sits on the couch talking to our dogs. He reads at least a second grade level and can do at least first grade math, but he's so secretive it's possible he can do even more. If he were evaluated today, I'm sure he'd be categorized as level 2. Your child is going to grow and learn so much. He's going to have ups and downs and challenges and successes just like all the other kids. It's great you are taking into account what professionals say, but don't let what they say limit the possibilities you imagine for your son. He needs you to believe in him. Don't clip his wings before he can even think about flying. Nobody knows what the future will hold, but you will absolutely never regret believing in him and giving him your all., Completely unprofessional for someone to say that about a 2.5 year old. No one can predict at this age whether they will be ‘independent’ or not. I would be wary working with this person., My son was diagnosed with level 3, non verbal. He’s 4 now and although he’s not speaking in sentences or communicated as a neurotypical person would, he has made TREMENDOUS progress from where he was, and it’s amazing to see altogether. I think while the mind is still malleable and young, it’s impossible to tell where someone might end up some day. Just keep hope, push through the doubts, love and guide/help them unconditionally. That’s all we can do as their parents. I hope this helps because I know countless threads on this Reddit thread kept me from losing faith when times felt the toughest., I had a SLP from EI tell me a similar thing when my son was 2 years old. That was the first and last time she came to my house. There’s no way these professionals know what the future holds. My son’s developmental pediatrician told me that they don’t know until they’re 14-15 how the future will pan out. Don’t let it break you because she’s not God to know anything about that trajectory of your son’s life. Hugs 🫂, As an SLP and mama I am SOOOO tired of professionals pretending they have a crystal ball about what kids will and won't be like in the future. We have no idea!! I had a client who's Dr told the family to institutionalize him because he was so severe. He's in university now. My son was less impacted as a child and had an SLP as a parent but he's more impaired now than that client is. We don't know! I can make professional predictions 1-3 years out only. Even then it's a bit of guessing game at this young of age. I would get a new therapist because this one has too much hubris., My boy is about 4.5 he was diagnosed level 2 around 22m old. I knew he was different from about 5m. He spoke his very first word at 25m after about 6m of speech therapy and constant exposure to words. Audiobooks, songs, shows, one sided conversation with me/hubs/sibs, reading aloud etc anything we could think of to teach him with. He knows the names of every machine or vehicle under the sun. He watches videos and learns word for word to give tours of vehicle functions and parts. He is so immersed in his love of vehicles and we indulge it always. He loves music and knows thousands of songs. He makes jokes. He is a part time comedian, wild man with endless energy, sweet cuddle bug. He is only recently speaking sentences such as "Lets stop for an ice cream Mommy" but he is doing more every day. He is starting to "start conversations" with me about his interests and take cues of interest from others. His gross motor skills have always been amazing. His fine ones like scissors and pencils are coming along nicely. He has learned to pedal his bike this month. He struggles with potty training but tbh he understands its just absolute refusal so we wait til hes ready I guess. He struggles with transitions and being overstimulated in predictable ways. He will partially elope without reminders to stay close. And his sleep pattern is less than ideal lol. So its not all progress some stuff is very rough still. I think my son will be able to converse, hold a job and live outside my home with a bit of support if he chooses. Or maybe even independently. We have worked overtime to pay for his toys, tools, books, therapist hours. We apply for every dime of charity funding I can find. I dedicate my spare time to reading how to help and engage him. My husband and other children take my cues on how we help our boy develop. It is a full time family effort. My son is Level 2 and its sometimes very hard to live with. But we love him so much and he brings so much to our family., My kiddo was diagnosed at 18 months, level 2. He is now in pre-k (special education) and every day when I pick him up, he asks if he can go back. The words and phrases he uses to ask aren’t clear but to me, that fact that he’s asking and formulating the words to express his wants, is a huge win for us. It has and will continue to take time to get him “caught up”. Please don’t ever forget that every child is different and it’s more important to get rid of anyone who says our child cannot be independent. As parents, it’s our job to provide our kiddos the best that we can and that includes professionals that believe in the same mission as you., I’m no expert but I’m not sure that levels are super relevant age 2. My kid was diagnosed level 3 but that wasn’t really highlighted to us by professionals. I just looked back at the report because levels are relevant for older children and very discussed on this sub. My kid is verbal now, managing in a mainstream but very supportive preschool, and making progress in a lot of areas. I do think it’s too early to say at your son’s age. In my home country (the UK) you cannot get a diagnosis this young. I am very appreciative of getting one (I’m in California) because now my child has access to amazing therapies and got into this preschool based on the early diagnosis. It also helps us parent and understand her. But… a diagnosis age 2 is highly likely to evolve imo. Wishing you all the best!, Your kiddo is still very young for anyone to say what his future will look like. Autism severity fluctuates all the time. I know plenty of people (I work in social services for folks with disabilities) that have level 2 autism that have jobs, are verbal and living life. Your kiddo is way too young to know for sure what his future is going to look like. Keep working with him. You've got this!!!, My little sister is level 2 and fully verbal and independent, 2.5 yo is way too early to make that kind of call. Mine barely spoke at that age, and now at 5 he speaks in full sentences., My little girl was diagnosed level 2 right around her 2nd birthday. There was a lot happening in our lives that was stressful in that moment, and we had to take just a “one day at a time” approach. At first that mindset was survival mode, but I learned quickly that it’s been a great perspective. She’s about to turn 4 in a few months now; She’s doing things I assumed may never happen, like a whole lot of talking (single words typically, but adding new words all the time), including finally calling me mama. She is constantly changing. I’d completely underestimated her and what she’s capable of! It took a lot of patience in learning to slow my brain down and be patient, and take things one day at a time. Because especially at this little, it seems like these kids are always changing! But being a part of this group, I’ve learned that our kids of all ages are changing in all sorts of ways all the time. Idk what’s ahead of us, but I’m still doing my best to be patient and ride the wave, and wait and see., Get a new BCBA immediately. I had a speech therapist tell me at 2 years old my son would never speak. I kicked that dumb (insert here) to the curb and recently left a review of how wrong she was. At 5 years old his speech is increasing by the day he has 2-3 word sentences when 1 year ago it was just a word. They have no clue. My son was diagnosed at level 3 due to being nonverbal. I guess I am confused because I thought all non verbal were level 3 for that reason. Either way my son’s BCBA, ST, OT and RBT as well as his pre school teachers fully believe that he will be independent and are in awe of him. Don’t let anyone put your child in a box., all those export dont know nothing,,,they just download a test from the internet then test your kid give points and decide level 1 2 or 3. try to check all vitamin in is blood , most of autism child have Vitamin deficiency. highly recommend 5000iu vitamin D and fish oil, I’m a daughter, I’m actually an adult too. I was diagnosed with autism when I was a teenager because my parents were dismissed by doctors as a child because I was a girl. My psychologist had a meeting with them when I was older because she said I have symptoms of autism, after 4 years I got a diagnosis of level 2 autism as a teenager. I was bullied a lot in school which helped me fit in, but that doesn’t mean the bullying was good. I’m smart and would cry if I got an A- in maths. My dad says he loves me and would be sad if I wasn’t autistic because it makes me who I am, even though some days I wish I was normal. I have a long term boyfriend of many years and I’m in university. Statistically autistics who go to mainstream schools have a higher likelihood of going to university. My boyfriend isn’t autistic but he does research on it so he can help me, my parents like him and like how much he tries to understand me too. I also have two friends who are also accepting and understanding of my ASD. I take the bus almost every day on my own and I can cook. I don’t think I’d ever be able to live 100% independently but if I lived with my boyfriend id be fine. It’s really hard sometimes to exist as an autistic person, and it’s hard for parents too, but I think it’s happy in the end., You said she’s a BCBA? That’s literally a certificate. Even a neurologist shouldn’t be saying things like that, especially when the child is so young. She is absolutely not qualified to make those kind of statements. Sounds like she sees a desperate, and therefore, vulnerable client who “needs” her help. She is trying to convince you of her usefulness, so you will keep giving her $$, Honestly I have heard all the opinions. I used to focus on one thing like getting him to talk. My heart has had to accept he may not. Also as an older mom what I'm doing now is focusing on life skills so when i pass I pray he is able to live on his own with a daily nurse. My daughter is 25 and she has promised to check in every day on her brother. I just don't want him put in an institution so I have to get a will drawn up clarifying my wishes. I'm 46, and he's 11. His dad's family made it clear years ago that they thought he should be in an institution., This! I wouldn’t feel comfortable telling anyone about their child’s ability for independence until closer to puberty. And honestly that’s why children under age 21 are required to undergo an IQ test every three years if they’re receiving long term services and supports from Medicaid., Thanks for sharing that. It means a lot., I agree but I asked her for her opinion and she said that now he is level 2 but she doesn’t know yet if 2 and going towards mild or severe she said we will know that when he is 4-5 years old. Anyway she doesn’t think based on what she sees now that he will ever be independent. I was very hurt by it but she seems so nice and knowledgeable so I didn’t get upset by her saying that., 16% of DIAGNOSED adults with autism work full time. There are many many people who went undiagnosed. Something tells me given how San Jose has an autism "epidemic" with engineers to the point where google has the best insurance for kids with autism that would be higher if people were diagnosed back then the way they are now., I agree but I asked her for her opinion and she said that now he is level 2 but she doesn’t know yet if 2 and going towards mild or severe she said we will know that when he is 4-5 years old. Anyway she doesn’t think based on what she sees now that he will ever be independent. I was very hurt by it but she seems so nice and knowledgeable so I didn’t get upset by her saying that., Hi, I love your comment. Made me laugh. Was your son diagnosed with level 2? How old is he?, Your brother is great. Thanks for sharing his story. Your mom did the right thing. 😊, Is this a curriculum choice in your class helping this much, routine, or therapies? I in no way want to "fix" my kids, just give them the best shot at being whoever they want as they grow and would love to know what seems to be helping the most, Great to hear! I don’t know but I am glad I posted this here. So many great stories. Last night was the first night I actually slept after talking to her and that’s all because I red all the positive comments here, This makes me so emotional. Your boy is amazing! I really hope and pray that my baby will start talking soon., Definitely. This helps a lot. I love autism parenting group on redit. We are here to learn and support each other., Wow 🤩 that’s great ti hear, Yup! I work with autistic kids (and have my own) just in the past month I've been in meetings where the parent was originally told their kids were cognitively delayed and most likely low IQ...both have average to above average IQs., That is for low income or all kids with special needs get it? We were just talking how expensive is to pay for all the therapies. Co pays are huge, Try to accept the uncertainties and avoid asking professionals these types of questions. She should not have answered this and should have explained that we can’t predict the future. Nobody is fully independent in life, we all have supports. The idea is to capture our strengths and build up the skills we need to live to our fullest potential. Nobody can predict the potential of a 2 year old. Plenty of kids start speaking and make huge gains after that age, and even those who don’t vocally communicate can often use other strategies to communicate. Is the BCBA collaborating with/do you have a speech therapist?, I watched a youtube video where this woman was saying how she was non verbal and non responsive to anyone until she was 4, and now she has a masters and working on her PHD., Sure, it's definitely a survivorship basis things, where the people with autism that are most likely to be able to get jobs, are also the most likely to go undiagnosed. I don't know how to account for that in the statistic. But the bottom line is, that a lot of people on this sub with some kids with real struggles might be underestimating the long term struggles. There are reasons they qualify for things like disability savings plans., I 100% agree., Please don’t let what she told you discourage you from encouraging your child to self direct and from becoming as independent as possible. The only concrete thing I would encourage you to do at this age would be to check out getting him an ABLE account, looking at signing up for the the hbcs/1915 c waiver, and looking into a vitamin regimen to ensure there’s no gaps in nutrition., He is 12 he was moderate level 2 and his report gives me PTSD. The same hospital that diagnosed my younger son recently and my younger son has a lot more needs than his brother was a lot more positive than my older son's report. That report was heartbreaking and upsetting but now they just keep learning more and more about ASD and it's not as bleak if we can help our kids. I worry a lot about his brother. I made myself sick over my oldest. When I say not verbal until three I mean word approximations at three. He was severely language delayed. We prioritized speech, tried ABA but it was abusive to him and again different times so we quit., Absolutely. I hope it gave you a bit of hope. Your child is absolutely capable. 😊 give him time and he will flourish and surprise everyone., it's mostly their natural development coupled with consistent exposure to peers and therapies. we focus very early on getting them a functional way to communicate (which is almost never verbally) and go from there. my advice is to continue exposing them to as much language as possible, incorporate visual tools like visual schedules into your day when you can, and if at all possible send them to a public school where you feel involved in their IEP team. I'm a first year teacher who is also an autistic adult and I by no means think that anything specific to my room is doing something extraordinary. I just truly believe that all kids, including kids with intensive support needs, do best when we meet them where they are at and provide consistent support at their level. I'm happy to answer any specific questions if you have them :), I love it, I do home visits for a kid who parents were told would never speak, they greet me by name now and we have a back and forth about how their day is going., Check out your state qualifiers for Tefra/medicaid. Typically there’s not an income limit for Tefra., Thank you for encouraging words. We finally found good speech therapist but we don’t have ABA therapist, so difficult to find quality technicians., Oh wow, I would love to see that video. ☺️, I agree, and to be honest in some ways we are ahead of the curve because we know to plan for it or try to. It's what I tell myself when I am stressed out because I know adults who became disabled as teens or young adults or addicts etc. I had a friend who became disabled at 17 due to a car wreck. Again this is just thing I tell myself when I can't breathe stressed about the future for my kids., It really did. Thank you 😊, Just the awareness you have makes a difference, I'm sure., >:) :), Sadly, in my area the public schools are a nightmare, so I am going to be homeschooling. If you have any suggestions that might help me, I would love to hear them., Thanks, I’ll check that out, I'm not able to find it now, it's an Asian woman talking to the camera telling her story. But there are a lot of others, a famous one is "Ava" and here is another one https://youtu.be/enmhofEnag4?si=xar2pLybzEqxtilx, Found it! It's a great video. I misremembered a few details, but she says she didn't talk or respond until very late. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwYPZYRAkZE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwYPZYRAkZE), honestly my biggest advice would be to move if you can. the federal protections that public schools provide are so powerful. this is a hard hard job and I have training in teaching kids with disabilities--I can only imagine how hard it would be for a parent. barring that, I would make sure your kiddo has a care team and be receptive to any advice they give you. most kids on my caseload with an autism diagnosis get weekly speech and occupational therapies. many also get time with the school social worker. consider learning about phrases/concepts like alternative assisted communication, functional communication, and gestalt language processing. in my experience once a student is able to find a communication method that works for them, things start to fall into place., Thanks, I’ll try to watch it today 🙂, From what I've read on here no "professional" should be telling you whether or not your kid will ever be independent at 2 years old. Autistic kid's development is too unpredictable for that. Levels can also change with development. I have a friend who didn't speak until 3, is level 2, and is very independent. Sure it's something to maybe keep in mind, but I wouldn't be making any concrete predictions at 2, easier said than done I know., Whoever told you that your child will never be independent needs reported. That’s such nonsense, especially at this young age. I also think that labeling autism by levels is dumb. Especially this early on because so much can change as they develop. My only advice is to love your child the same as before they got their diagnosis and don’t worry about anyone else’s opinions, Level 2 is a support level, all kids at that age are high support, so it's a guess. >His new BCBA told me that he will never be independent They don't have enough information to say that, and shouldn't be saying that. That said, I keep going back to the fact that 16% of adults with autism work full time... if you have a kid with autism, the odds that you are going to need to be more supportive throughout their life is pretty good regardless of what support level is assigned., I’ve spoken to a couple of moms of adult sons diagnosed with classical autism (before levels were a thing) who were told their kids would never speak, never hold a conversation, never attend university, never drive, never have a job, etc. and they are both doing all of that now. They live at home, but they are only around 20yo so still have a lifetime of progress ahead. My son turns 3yo on Friday and sounds very much like your boy. While I remain realistic and know he will never be NT, I will not allow anyone to tell me what he will or won’t be capable of. Please don’t allow that BCBA to do that., Get a new BCBA and let this one be psychic some other place. Maybe her dumb ass can win the lottery. My oldest was nonverbal until 3. He is gifted, empathetic, has friends and is just an amazing human being. He doesn't need supports but he may in the future and that is OK as of right now though he is thriving in school and in friendships as a teen., My brother is autistic, but also has a TBI, epilepsy, had half of his brain removed due to grand mal seizures etc. A BCBA told my mom that too. They told her he would never do anything on his own. He can spell, read, write, tell time, fully verbal, nearly dresses himself, does some ADLs independently, he even plays Nintendo super well 1 handed (one of his arm/hand we call his "helper" hand because he has no control of it) my mom said she told that man to get out and never come back. He did come back several years later and was shocked at the amount of progress. My mom told him to get out again after she let him see the progress. 🤣 my point is never let anyone tell you what your child is capable of, especially at 2 years old., I teach self contained pre k (3-5). most of my kids have a level 3 autism diagnosis. in a little over 6 months I have seen kids go from completely nonverbal and having huge challenging behaviors to using 3 word phrases and fully participating in classroom routines. these are kids in their very first year of school! I cannot imagine why she would say that to you but you really can't know a child's future from a few interactions, my son was diagnosed last year at 2 years old and was given level 2. exactly one year ago today he wouldn’t listen to his name or make eye contact. He is 3 now and wow the progress he’s made in a year is astronomically amazing. He still doesn’t talk fluently but he can communicate with one letter words and signs. he comprehends so much more than last year and he’s so smart. OT and Speech have helped so much, i can’t emphasize the importance of finding great therapists. He just started school and i’m excited to see what progress he makes., Your baby is still a baby! My little guy was diagnosed level 3 just before his third birthday. He wouldn't communicate with anyone other than me at all, and I only got the occasional wailing "mama" and shrieking when displeased. He transitioned out of EI which we only did for 6 months before he aged out and into a pre k classroom with kids with multiple disabilities. A few weeks into school, he came home and said, "I want to watch Toy Story 2 on the big TV, please." He progressed so well that they sent him to the mainstream classroom for part of the day and then decided to integrate him into that classroom for the rest of pre-k. He's 5 now. We are struggling with potty training, but he's going into a mainstream classroom for kindergarten with 90 minutes out for special education and therapies. He requires more support than his peers, but he's learning. He is definitely lacking socially, but he's well liked anyway. He never stops talking. He even talks in his sleep. He wakes up in the middle of the night and just sits on the couch talking to our dogs. He reads at least a second grade level and can do at least first grade math, but he's so secretive it's possible he can do even more. If he were evaluated today, I'm sure he'd be categorized as level 2. Your child is going to grow and learn so much. He's going to have ups and downs and challenges and successes just like all the other kids. It's great you are taking into account what professionals say, but don't let what they say limit the possibilities you imagine for your son. He needs you to believe in him. Don't clip his wings before he can even think about flying. Nobody knows what the future will hold, but you will absolutely never regret believing in him and giving him your all., Completely unprofessional for someone to say that about a 2.5 year old. No one can predict at this age whether they will be ‘independent’ or not. I would be wary working with this person., My son was diagnosed with level 3, non verbal. He’s 4 now and although he’s not speaking in sentences or communicated as a neurotypical person would, he has made TREMENDOUS progress from where he was, and it’s amazing to see altogether. I think while the mind is still malleable and young, it’s impossible to tell where someone might end up some day. Just keep hope, push through the doubts, love and guide/help them unconditionally. That’s all we can do as their parents. I hope this helps because I know countless threads on this Reddit thread kept me from losing faith when times felt the toughest., I had a SLP from EI tell me a similar thing when my son was 2 years old. That was the first and last time she came to my house. There’s no way these professionals know what the future holds. My son’s developmental pediatrician told me that they don’t know until they’re 14-15 how the future will pan out. Don’t let it break you because she’s not God to know anything about that trajectory of your son’s life. Hugs 🫂, As an SLP and mama I am SOOOO tired of professionals pretending they have a crystal ball about what kids will and won't be like in the future. We have no idea!! I had a client who's Dr told the family to institutionalize him because he was so severe. He's in university now. My son was less impacted as a child and had an SLP as a parent but he's more impaired now than that client is. We don't know! I can make professional predictions 1-3 years out only. Even then it's a bit of guessing game at this young of age. I would get a new therapist because this one has too much hubris., My boy is about 4.5 he was diagnosed level 2 around 22m old. I knew he was different from about 5m. He spoke his very first word at 25m after about 6m of speech therapy and constant exposure to words. Audiobooks, songs, shows, one sided conversation with me/hubs/sibs, reading aloud etc anything we could think of to teach him with. He knows the names of every machine or vehicle under the sun. He watches videos and learns word for word to give tours of vehicle functions and parts. He is so immersed in his love of vehicles and we indulge it always. He loves music and knows thousands of songs. He makes jokes. He is a part time comedian, wild man with endless energy, sweet cuddle bug. He is only recently speaking sentences such as "Lets stop for an ice cream Mommy" but he is doing more every day. He is starting to "start conversations" with me about his interests and take cues of interest from others. His gross motor skills have always been amazing. His fine ones like scissors and pencils are coming along nicely. He has learned to pedal his bike this month. He struggles with potty training but tbh he understands its just absolute refusal so we wait til hes ready I guess. He struggles with transitions and being overstimulated in predictable ways. He will partially elope without reminders to stay close. And his sleep pattern is less than ideal lol. So its not all progress some stuff is very rough still. I think my son will be able to converse, hold a job and live outside my home with a bit of support if he chooses. Or maybe even independently. We have worked overtime to pay for his toys, tools, books, therapist hours. We apply for every dime of charity funding I can find. I dedicate my spare time to reading how to help and engage him. My husband and other children take my cues on how we help our boy develop. It is a full time family effort. My son is Level 2 and its sometimes very hard to live with. But we love him so much and he brings so much to our family., My kiddo was diagnosed at 18 months, level 2. He is now in pre-k (special education) and every day when I pick him up, he asks if he can go back. The words and phrases he uses to ask aren’t clear but to me, that fact that he’s asking and formulating the words to express his wants, is a huge win for us. It has and will continue to take time to get him “caught up”. Please don’t ever forget that every child is different and it’s more important to get rid of anyone who says our child cannot be independent. As parents, it’s our job to provide our kiddos the best that we can and that includes professionals that believe in the same mission as you., I’m no expert but I’m not sure that levels are super relevant age 2. My kid was diagnosed level 3 but that wasn’t really highlighted to us by professionals. I just looked back at the report because levels are relevant for older children and very discussed on this sub. My kid is verbal now, managing in a mainstream but very supportive preschool, and making progress in a lot of areas. I do think it’s too early to say at your son’s age. In my home country (the UK) you cannot get a diagnosis this young. I am very appreciative of getting one (I’m in California) because now my child has access to amazing therapies and got into this preschool based on the early diagnosis. It also helps us parent and understand her. But… a diagnosis age 2 is highly likely to evolve imo. Wishing you all the best!, Your kiddo is still very young for anyone to say what his future will look like. Autism severity fluctuates all the time. I know plenty of people (I work in social services for folks with disabilities) that have level 2 autism that have jobs, are verbal and living life. Your kiddo is way too young to know for sure what his future is going to look like. Keep working with him. You've got this!!!, My little sister is level 2 and fully verbal and independent, 2.5 yo is way too early to make that kind of call. Mine barely spoke at that age, and now at 5 he speaks in full sentences., My little girl was diagnosed level 2 right around her 2nd birthday. There was a lot happening in our lives that was stressful in that moment, and we had to take just a “one day at a time” approach. At first that mindset was survival mode, but I learned quickly that it’s been a great perspective. She’s about to turn 4 in a few months now; She’s doing things I assumed may never happen, like a whole lot of talking (single words typically, but adding new words all the time), including finally calling me mama. She is constantly changing. I’d completely underestimated her and what she’s capable of! It took a lot of patience in learning to slow my brain down and be patient, and take things one day at a time. Because especially at this little, it seems like these kids are always changing! But being a part of this group, I’ve learned that our kids of all ages are changing in all sorts of ways all the time. Idk what’s ahead of us, but I’m still doing my best to be patient and ride the wave, and wait and see., Get a new BCBA immediately. I had a speech therapist tell me at 2 years old my son would never speak. I kicked that dumb (insert here) to the curb and recently left a review of how wrong she was. At 5 years old his speech is increasing by the day he has 2-3 word sentences when 1 year ago it was just a word. They have no clue. My son was diagnosed at level 3 due to being nonverbal. I guess I am confused because I thought all non verbal were level 3 for that reason. Either way my son’s BCBA, ST, OT and RBT as well as his pre school teachers fully believe that he will be independent and are in awe of him. Don’t let anyone put your child in a box., all those export dont know nothing,,,they just download a test from the internet then test your kid give points and decide level 1 2 or 3. try to check all vitamin in is blood , most of autism child have Vitamin deficiency. highly recommend 5000iu vitamin D and fish oil, I’m a daughter, I’m actually an adult too. I was diagnosed with autism when I was a teenager because my parents were dismissed by doctors as a child because I was a girl. My psychologist had a meeting with them when I was older because she said I have symptoms of autism, after 4 years I got a diagnosis of level 2 autism as a teenager. I was bullied a lot in school which helped me fit in, but that doesn’t mean the bullying was good. I’m smart and would cry if I got an A- in maths. My dad says he loves me and would be sad if I wasn’t autistic because it makes me who I am, even though some days I wish I was normal. I have a long term boyfriend of many years and I’m in university. Statistically autistics who go to mainstream schools have a higher likelihood of going to university. My boyfriend isn’t autistic but he does research on it so he can help me, my parents like him and like how much he tries to understand me too. I also have two friends who are also accepting and understanding of my ASD. I take the bus almost every day on my own and I can cook. I don’t think I’d ever be able to live 100% independently but if I lived with my boyfriend id be fine. It’s really hard sometimes to exist as an autistic person, and it’s hard for parents too, but I think it’s happy in the end., You said she’s a BCBA? That’s literally a certificate. Even a neurologist shouldn’t be saying things like that, especially when the child is so young. She is absolutely not qualified to make those kind of statements. Sounds like she sees a desperate, and therefore, vulnerable client who “needs” her help. She is trying to convince you of her usefulness, so you will keep giving her $$, Honestly I have heard all the opinions. I used to focus on one thing like getting him to talk. My heart has had to accept he may not. Also as an older mom what I'm doing now is focusing on life skills so when i pass I pray he is able to live on his own with a daily nurse. My daughter is 25 and she has promised to check in every day on her brother. I just don't want him put in an institution so I have to get a will drawn up clarifying my wishes. I'm 46, and he's 11. His dad's family made it clear years ago that they thought he should be in an institution., This! I wouldn’t feel comfortable telling anyone about their child’s ability for independence until closer to puberty. And honestly that’s why children under age 21 are required to undergo an IQ test every three years if they’re receiving long term services and supports from Medicaid., Thanks for sharing that. It means a lot., I agree but I asked her for her opinion and she said that now he is level 2 but she doesn’t know yet if 2 and going towards mild or severe she said we will know that when he is 4-5 years old. Anyway she doesn’t think based on what she sees now that he will ever be independent. I was very hurt by it but she seems so nice and knowledgeable so I didn’t get upset by her saying that., 16% of DIAGNOSED adults with autism work full time. There are many many people who went undiagnosed. Something tells me given how San Jose has an autism "epidemic" with engineers to the point where google has the best insurance for kids with autism that would be higher if people were diagnosed back then the way they are now., I agree but I asked her for her opinion and she said that now he is level 2 but she doesn’t know yet if 2 and going towards mild or severe she said we will know that when he is 4-5 years old. Anyway she doesn’t think based on what she sees now that he will ever be independent. I was very hurt by it but she seems so nice and knowledgeable so I didn’t get upset by her saying that., Hi, I love your comment. Made me laugh. Was your son diagnosed with level 2? How old is he?, Your brother is great. Thanks for sharing his story. Your mom did the right thing. 😊, Is this a curriculum choice in your class helping this much, routine, or therapies? I in no way want to "fix" my kids, just give them the best shot at being whoever they want as they grow and would love to know what seems to be helping the most, Great to hear! I don’t know but I am glad I posted this here. So many great stories. Last night was the first night I actually slept after talking to her and that’s all because I red all the positive comments here, This makes me so emotional. Your boy is amazing! I really hope and pray that my baby will start talking soon., Definitely. This helps a lot. I love autism parenting group on redit. We are here to learn and support each other., Wow 🤩 that’s great ti hear, Yup! I work with autistic kids (and have my own) just in the past month I've been in meetings where the parent was originally told their kids were cognitively delayed and most likely low IQ...both have average to above average IQs., That is for low income or all kids with special needs get it? We were just talking how expensive is to pay for all the therapies. Co pays are huge, Try to accept the uncertainties and avoid asking professionals these types of questions. She should not have answered this and should have explained that we can’t predict the future. Nobody is fully independent in life, we all have supports. The idea is to capture our strengths and build up the skills we need to live to our fullest potential. Nobody can predict the potential of a 2 year old. Plenty of kids start speaking and make huge gains after that age, and even those who don’t vocally communicate can often use other strategies to communicate. Is the BCBA collaborating with/do you have a speech therapist?, I watched a youtube video where this woman was saying how she was non verbal and non responsive to anyone until she was 4, and now she has a masters and working on her PHD., Sure, it's definitely a survivorship basis things, where the people with autism that are most likely to be able to get jobs, are also the most likely to go undiagnosed. I don't know how to account for that in the statistic. But the bottom line is, that a lot of people on this sub with some kids with real struggles might be underestimating the long term struggles. There are reasons they qualify for things like disability savings plans., I 100% agree., Please don’t let what she told you discourage you from encouraging your child to self direct and from becoming as independent as possible. The only concrete thing I would encourage you to do at this age would be to check out getting him an ABLE account, looking at signing up for the the hbcs/1915 c waiver, and looking into a vitamin regimen to ensure there’s no gaps in nutrition., He is 12 he was moderate level 2 and his report gives me PTSD. The same hospital that diagnosed my younger son recently and my younger son has a lot more needs than his brother was a lot more positive than my older son's report. That report was heartbreaking and upsetting but now they just keep learning more and more about ASD and it's not as bleak if we can help our kids. I worry a lot about his brother. I made myself sick over my oldest. When I say not verbal until three I mean word approximations at three. He was severely language delayed. We prioritized speech, tried ABA but it was abusive to him and again different times so we quit., Absolutely. I hope it gave you a bit of hope. Your child is absolutely capable. 😊 give him time and he will flourish and surprise everyone., it's mostly their natural development coupled with consistent exposure to peers and therapies. we focus very early on getting them a functional way to communicate (which is almost never verbally) and go from there. my advice is to continue exposing them to as much language as possible, incorporate visual tools like visual schedules into your day when you can, and if at all possible send them to a public school where you feel involved in their IEP team. I'm a first year teacher who is also an autistic adult and I by no means think that anything specific to my room is doing something extraordinary. I just truly believe that all kids, including kids with intensive support needs, do best when we meet them where they are at and provide consistent support at their level. I'm happy to answer any specific questions if you have them :), I love it, I do home visits for a kid who parents were told would never speak, they greet me by name now and we have a back and forth about how their day is going., Check out your state qualifiers for Tefra/medicaid. Typically there’s not an income limit for Tefra., Thank you for encouraging words. We finally found good speech therapist but we don’t have ABA therapist, so difficult to find quality technicians., Oh wow, I would love to see that video. ☺️, I agree, and to be honest in some ways we are ahead of the curve because we know to plan for it or try to. It's what I tell myself when I am stressed out because I know adults who became disabled as teens or young adults or addicts etc. I had a friend who became disabled at 17 due to a car wreck. Again this is just thing I tell myself when I can't breathe stressed about the future for my kids., It really did. Thank you 😊, Just the awareness you have makes a difference, I'm sure., >:) :), Sadly, in my area the public schools are a nightmare, so I am going to be homeschooling. If you have any suggestions that might help me, I would love to hear them., Thanks, I’ll check that out, I'm not able to find it now, it's an Asian woman talking to the camera telling her story. But there are a lot of others, a famous one is "Ava" and here is another one https://youtu.be/enmhofEnag4?si=xar2pLybzEqxtilx, Found it! It's a great video. I misremembered a few details, but she says she didn't talk or respond until very late. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwYPZYRAkZE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwYPZYRAkZE), honestly my biggest advice would be to move if you can. the federal protections that public schools provide are so powerful. this is a hard hard job and I have training in teaching kids with disabilities--I can only imagine how hard it would be for a parent. barring that, I would make sure your kiddo has a care team and be receptive to any advice they give you. most kids on my caseload with an autism diagnosis get weekly speech and occupational therapies. many also get time with the school social worker. consider learning about phrases/concepts like alternative assisted communication, functional communication, and gestalt language processing. in my experience once a student is able to find a communication method that works for them, things start to fall into place., Thanks, I’ll try to watch it today 🙂, From what I've read on here no "professional" should be telling you whether or not your kid will ever be independent at 2 years old. Autistic kid's development is too unpredictable for that. Levels can also change with development. I have a friend who didn't speak until 3, is level 2, and is very independent. Sure it's something to maybe keep in mind, but I wouldn't be making any concrete predictions at 2, easier said than done I know., Whoever told you that your child will never be independent needs reported. That’s such nonsense, especially at this young age. I also think that labeling autism by levels is dumb. Especially this early on because so much can change as they develop. My only advice is to love your child the same as before they got their diagnosis and don’t worry about anyone else’s opinions, Level 2 is a support level, all kids at that age are high support, so it's a guess. >His new BCBA told me that he will never be independent They don't have enough information to say that, and shouldn't be saying that. That said, I keep going back to the fact that 16% of adults with autism work full time... if you have a kid with autism, the odds that you are going to need to be more supportive throughout their life is pretty good regardless of what support level is assigned., I’ve spoken to a couple of moms of adult sons diagnosed with classical autism (before levels were a thing) who were told their kids would never speak, never hold a conversation, never attend university, never drive, never have a job, etc. and they are both doing all of that now. They live at home, but they are only around 20yo so still have a lifetime of progress ahead. My son turns 3yo on Friday and sounds very much like your boy. While I remain realistic and know he will never be NT, I will not allow anyone to tell me what he will or won’t be capable of. Please don’t allow that BCBA to do that., Get a new BCBA and let this one be psychic some other place. Maybe her dumb ass can win the lottery. My oldest was nonverbal until 3. He is gifted, empathetic, has friends and is just an amazing human being. He doesn't need supports but he may in the future and that is OK as of right now though he is thriving in school and in friendships as a teen., My brother is autistic, but also has a TBI, epilepsy, had half of his brain removed due to grand mal seizures etc. A BCBA told my mom that too. They told her he would never do anything on his own. He can spell, read, write, tell time, fully verbal, nearly dresses himself, does some ADLs independently, he even plays Nintendo super well 1 handed (one of his arm/hand we call his "helper" hand because he has no control of it) my mom said she told that man to get out and never come back. He did come back several years later and was shocked at the amount of progress. My mom told him to get out again after she let him see the progress. 🤣 my point is never let anyone tell you what your child is capable of, especially at 2 years old., I teach self contained pre k (3-5). most of my kids have a level 3 autism diagnosis. in a little over 6 months I have seen kids go from completely nonverbal and having huge challenging behaviors to using 3 word phrases and fully participating in classroom routines. these are kids in their very first year of school! I cannot imagine why she would say that to you but you really can't know a child's future from a few interactions, my son was diagnosed last year at 2 years old and was given level 2. exactly one year ago today he wouldn’t listen to his name or make eye contact. He is 3 now and wow the progress he’s made in a year is astronomically amazing. He still doesn’t talk fluently but he can communicate with one letter words and signs. he comprehends so much more than last year and he’s so smart. OT and Speech have helped so much, i can’t emphasize the importance of finding great therapists. He just started school and i’m excited to see what progress he makes., Your baby is still a baby! My little guy was diagnosed level 3 just before his third birthday. He wouldn't communicate with anyone other than me at all, and I only got the occasional wailing "mama" and shrieking when displeased. He transitioned out of EI which we only did for 6 months before he aged out and into a pre k classroom with kids with multiple disabilities. A few weeks into school, he came home and said, "I want to watch Toy Story 2 on the big TV, please." He progressed so well that they sent him to the mainstream classroom for part of the day and then decided to integrate him into that classroom for the rest of pre-k. He's 5 now. We are struggling with potty training, but he's going into a mainstream classroom for kindergarten with 90 minutes out for special education and therapies. He requires more support than his peers, but he's learning. He is definitely lacking socially, but he's well liked anyway. He never stops talking. He even talks in his sleep. He wakes up in the middle of the night and just sits on the couch talking to our dogs. He reads at least a second grade level and can do at least first grade math, but he's so secretive it's possible he can do even more. If he were evaluated today, I'm sure he'd be categorized as level 2. Your child is going to grow and learn so much. He's going to have ups and downs and challenges and successes just like all the other kids. It's great you are taking into account what professionals say, but don't let what they say limit the possibilities you imagine for your son. He needs you to believe in him. Don't clip his wings before he can even think about flying. Nobody knows what the future will hold, but you will absolutely never regret believing in him and giving him your all., Completely unprofessional for someone to say that about a 2.5 year old. No one can predict at this age whether they will be ‘independent’ or not. I would be wary working with this person., My son was diagnosed with level 3, non verbal. He’s 4 now and although he’s not speaking in sentences or communicated as a neurotypical person would, he has made TREMENDOUS progress from where he was, and it’s amazing to see altogether. I think while the mind is still malleable and young, it’s impossible to tell where someone might end up some day. Just keep hope, push through the doubts, love and guide/help them unconditionally. That’s all we can do as their parents. I hope this helps because I know countless threads on this Reddit thread kept me from losing faith when times felt the toughest., I had a SLP from EI tell me a similar thing when my son was 2 years old. That was the first and last time she came to my house. There’s no way these professionals know what the future holds. My son’s developmental pediatrician told me that they don’t know until they’re 14-15 how the future will pan out. Don’t let it break you because she’s not God to know anything about that trajectory of your son’s life. Hugs 🫂, As an SLP and mama I am SOOOO tired of professionals pretending they have a crystal ball about what kids will and won't be like in the future. We have no idea!! I had a client who's Dr told the family to institutionalize him because he was so severe. He's in university now. My son was less impacted as a child and had an SLP as a parent but he's more impaired now than that client is. We don't know! I can make professional predictions 1-3 years out only. Even then it's a bit of guessing game at this young of age. I would get a new therapist because this one has too much hubris., My boy is about 4.5 he was diagnosed level 2 around 22m old. I knew he was different from about 5m. He spoke his very first word at 25m after about 6m of speech therapy and constant exposure to words. Audiobooks, songs, shows, one sided conversation with me/hubs/sibs, reading aloud etc anything we could think of to teach him with. He knows the names of every machine or vehicle under the sun. He watches videos and learns word for word to give tours of vehicle functions and parts. He is so immersed in his love of vehicles and we indulge it always. He loves music and knows thousands of songs. He makes jokes. He is a part time comedian, wild man with endless energy, sweet cuddle bug. He is only recently speaking sentences such as "Lets stop for an ice cream Mommy" but he is doing more every day. He is starting to "start conversations" with me about his interests and take cues of interest from others. His gross motor skills have always been amazing. His fine ones like scissors and pencils are coming along nicely. He has learned to pedal his bike this month. He struggles with potty training but tbh he understands its just absolute refusal so we wait til hes ready I guess. He struggles with transitions and being overstimulated in predictable ways. He will partially elope without reminders to stay close. And his sleep pattern is less than ideal lol. So its not all progress some stuff is very rough still. I think my son will be able to converse, hold a job and live outside my home with a bit of support if he chooses. Or maybe even independently. We have worked overtime to pay for his toys, tools, books, therapist hours. We apply for every dime of charity funding I can find. I dedicate my spare time to reading how to help and engage him. My husband and other children take my cues on how we help our boy develop. It is a full time family effort. My son is Level 2 and its sometimes very hard to live with. But we love him so much and he brings so much to our family., My kiddo was diagnosed at 18 months, level 2. He is now in pre-k (special education) and every day when I pick him up, he asks if he can go back. The words and phrases he uses to ask aren’t clear but to me, that fact that he’s asking and formulating the words to express his wants, is a huge win for us. It has and will continue to take time to get him “caught up”. Please don’t ever forget that every child is different and it’s more important to get rid of anyone who says our child cannot be independent. As parents, it’s our job to provide our kiddos the best that we can and that includes professionals that believe in the same mission as you., I’m no expert but I’m not sure that levels are super relevant age 2. My kid was diagnosed level 3 but that wasn’t really highlighted to us by professionals. I just looked back at the report because levels are relevant for older children and very discussed on this sub. My kid is verbal now, managing in a mainstream but very supportive preschool, and making progress in a lot of areas. I do think it’s too early to say at your son’s age. In my home country (the UK) you cannot get a diagnosis this young. I am very appreciative of getting one (I’m in California) because now my child has access to amazing therapies and got into this preschool based on the early diagnosis. It also helps us parent and understand her. But… a diagnosis age 2 is highly likely to evolve imo. Wishing you all the best!, Your kiddo is still very young for anyone to say what his future will look like. Autism severity fluctuates all the time. I know plenty of people (I work in social services for folks with disabilities) that have level 2 autism that have jobs, are verbal and living life. Your kiddo is way too young to know for sure what his future is going to look like. Keep working with him. You've got this!!!, My little sister is level 2 and fully verbal and independent, 2.5 yo is way too early to make that kind of call. Mine barely spoke at that age, and now at 5 he speaks in full sentences., My little girl was diagnosed level 2 right around her 2nd birthday. There was a lot happening in our lives that was stressful in that moment, and we had to take just a “one day at a time” approach. At first that mindset was survival mode, but I learned quickly that it’s been a great perspective. She’s about to turn 4 in a few months now; She’s doing things I assumed may never happen, like a whole lot of talking (single words typically, but adding new words all the time), including finally calling me mama. She is constantly changing. I’d completely underestimated her and what she’s capable of! It took a lot of patience in learning to slow my brain down and be patient, and take things one day at a time. Because especially at this little, it seems like these kids are always changing! But being a part of this group, I’ve learned that our kids of all ages are changing in all sorts of ways all the time. Idk what’s ahead of us, but I’m still doing my best to be patient and ride the wave, and wait and see., Get a new BCBA immediately. I had a speech therapist tell me at 2 years old my son would never speak. I kicked that dumb (insert here) to the curb and recently left a review of how wrong she was. At 5 years old his speech is increasing by the day he has 2-3 word sentences when 1 year ago it was just a word. They have no clue. My son was diagnosed at level 3 due to being nonverbal. I guess I am confused because I thought all non verbal were level 3 for that reason. Either way my son’s BCBA, ST, OT and RBT as well as his pre school teachers fully believe that he will be independent and are in awe of him. Don’t let anyone put your child in a box., all those export dont know nothing,,,they just download a test from the internet then test your kid give points and decide level 1 2 or 3. try to check all vitamin in is blood , most of autism child have Vitamin deficiency. highly recommend 5000iu vitamin D and fish oil, I’m a daughter, I’m actually an adult too. I was diagnosed with autism when I was a teenager because my parents were dismissed by doctors as a child because I was a girl. My psychologist had a meeting with them when I was older because she said I have symptoms of autism, after 4 years I got a diagnosis of level 2 autism as a teenager. I was bullied a lot in school which helped me fit in, but that doesn’t mean the bullying was good. I’m smart and would cry if I got an A- in maths. My dad says he loves me and would be sad if I wasn’t autistic because it makes me who I am, even though some days I wish I was normal. I have a long term boyfriend of many years and I’m in university. Statistically autistics who go to mainstream schools have a higher likelihood of going to university. My boyfriend isn’t autistic but he does research on it so he can help me, my parents like him and like how much he tries to understand me too. I also have two friends who are also accepting and understanding of my ASD. I take the bus almost every day on my own and I can cook. I don’t think I’d ever be able to live 100% independently but if I lived with my boyfriend id be fine. It’s really hard sometimes to exist as an autistic person, and it’s hard for parents too, but I think it’s happy in the end., You said she’s a BCBA? That’s literally a certificate. Even a neurologist shouldn’t be saying things like that, especially when the child is so young. She is absolutely not qualified to make those kind of statements. Sounds like she sees a desperate, and therefore, vulnerable client who “needs” her help. She is trying to convince you of her usefulness, so you will keep giving her $$, Honestly I have heard all the opinions. I used to focus on one thing like getting him to talk. My heart has had to accept he may not. Also as an older mom what I'm doing now is focusing on life skills so when i pass I pray he is able to live on his own with a daily nurse. My daughter is 25 and she has promised to check in every day on her brother. I just don't want him put in an institution so I have to get a will drawn up clarifying my wishes. I'm 46, and he's 11. His dad's family made it clear years ago that they thought he should be in an institution., This! I wouldn’t feel comfortable telling anyone about their child’s ability for independence until closer to puberty. And honestly that’s why children under age 21 are required to undergo an IQ test every three years if they’re receiving long term services and supports from Medicaid., Thanks for sharing that. It means a lot., I agree but I asked her for her opinion and she said that now he is level 2 but she doesn’t know yet if 2 and going towards mild or severe she said we will know that when he is 4-5 years old. Anyway she doesn’t think based on what she sees now that he will ever be independent. I was very hurt by it but she seems so nice and knowledgeable so I didn’t get upset by her saying that., 16% of DIAGNOSED adults with autism work full time. There are many many people who went undiagnosed. Something tells me given how San Jose has an autism "epidemic" with engineers to the point where google has the best insurance for kids with autism that would be higher if people were diagnosed back then the way they are now., I agree but I asked her for her opinion and she said that now he is level 2 but she doesn’t know yet if 2 and going towards mild or severe she said we will know that when he is 4-5 years old. Anyway she doesn’t think based on what she sees now that he will ever be independent. I was very hurt by it but she seems so nice and knowledgeable so I didn’t get upset by her saying that., Hi, I love your comment. Made me laugh. Was your son diagnosed with level 2? How old is he?, Your brother is great. Thanks for sharing his story. Your mom did the right thing. 😊, Is this a curriculum choice in your class helping this much, routine, or therapies? I in no way want to "fix" my kids, just give them the best shot at being whoever they want as they grow and would love to know what seems to be helping the most, Great to hear! I don’t know but I am glad I posted this here. So many great stories. Last night was the first night I actually slept after talking to her and that’s all because I red all the positive comments here, This makes me so emotional. Your boy is amazing! I really hope and pray that my baby will start talking soon., Definitely. This helps a lot. I love autism parenting group on redit. We are here to learn and support each other., Wow 🤩 that’s great ti hear, Yup! I work with autistic kids (and have my own) just in the past month I've been in meetings where the parent was originally told their kids were cognitively delayed and most likely low IQ...both have average to above average IQs., That is for low income or all kids with special needs get it? We were just talking how expensive is to pay for all the therapies. Co pays are huge, Try to accept the uncertainties and avoid asking professionals these types of questions. She should not have answered this and should have explained that we can’t predict the future. Nobody is fully independent in life, we all have supports. The idea is to capture our strengths and build up the skills we need to live to our fullest potential. Nobody can predict the potential of a 2 year old. Plenty of kids start speaking and make huge gains after that age, and even those who don’t vocally communicate can often use other strategies to communicate. Is the BCBA collaborating with/do you have a speech therapist?, I watched a youtube video where this woman was saying how she was non verbal and non responsive to anyone until she was 4, and now she has a masters and working on her PHD., Sure, it's definitely a survivorship basis things, where the people with autism that are most likely to be able to get jobs, are also the most likely to go undiagnosed. I don't know how to account for that in the statistic. But the bottom line is, that a lot of people on this sub with some kids with real struggles might be underestimating the long term struggles. There are reasons they qualify for things like disability savings plans., I 100% agree., Please don’t let what she told you discourage you from encouraging your child to self direct and from becoming as independent as possible. The only concrete thing I would encourage you to do at this age would be to check out getting him an ABLE account, looking at signing up for the the hbcs/1915 c waiver, and looking into a vitamin regimen to ensure there’s no gaps in nutrition., He is 12 he was moderate level 2 and his report gives me PTSD. The same hospital that diagnosed my younger son recently and my younger son has a lot more needs than his brother was a lot more positive than my older son's report. That report was heartbreaking and upsetting but now they just keep learning more and more about ASD and it's not as bleak if we can help our kids. I worry a lot about his brother. I made myself sick over my oldest. When I say not verbal until three I mean word approximations at three. He was severely language delayed. We prioritized speech, tried ABA but it was abusive to him and again different times so we quit., Absolutely. I hope it gave you a bit of hope. Your child is absolutely capable. 😊 give him time and he will flourish and surprise everyone., it's mostly their natural development coupled with consistent exposure to peers and therapies. we focus very early on getting them a functional way to communicate (which is almost never verbally) and go from there. my advice is to continue exposing them to as much language as possible, incorporate visual tools like visual schedules into your day when you can, and if at all possible send them to a public school where you feel involved in their IEP team. I'm a first year teacher who is also an autistic adult and I by no means think that anything specific to my room is doing something extraordinary. I just truly believe that all kids, including kids with intensive support needs, do best when we meet them where they are at and provide consistent support at their level. I'm happy to answer any specific questions if you have them :), I love it, I do home visits for a kid who parents were told would never speak, they greet me by name now and we have a back and forth about how their day is going., Check out your state qualifiers for Tefra/medicaid. Typically there’s not an income limit for Tefra., Thank you for encouraging words. We finally found good speech therapist but we don’t have ABA therapist, so difficult to find quality technicians., Oh wow, I would love to see that video. ☺️, I agree, and to be honest in some ways we are ahead of the curve because we know to plan for it or try to. It's what I tell myself when I am stressed out because I know adults who became disabled as teens or young adults or addicts etc. I had a friend who became disabled at 17 due to a car wreck. Again this is just thing I tell myself when I can't breathe stressed about the future for my kids., It really did. Thank you 😊, Just the awareness you have makes a difference, I'm sure., >:) :), Sadly, in my area the public schools are a nightmare, so I am going to be homeschooling. If you have any suggestions that might help me, I would love to hear them., Thanks, I’ll check that out, I'm not able to find it now, it's an Asian woman talking to the camera telling her story. But there are a lot of others, a famous one is "Ava" and here is another one https://youtu.be/enmhofEnag4?si=xar2pLybzEqxtilx, Found it! It's a great video. I misremembered a few details, but she says she didn't talk or respond until very late. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwYPZYRAkZE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwYPZYRAkZE), honestly my biggest advice would be to move if you can. the federal protections that public schools provide are so powerful. this is a hard hard job and I have training in teaching kids with disabilities--I can only imagine how hard it would be for a parent. barring that, I would make sure your kiddo has a care team and be receptive to any advice they give you. most kids on my caseload with an autism diagnosis get weekly speech and occupational therapies. many also get time with the school social worker. consider learning about phrases/concepts like alternative assisted communication, functional communication, and gestalt language processing. in my experience once a student is able to find a communication method that works for them, things start to fall into place., Thanks, I’ll try to watch it today 🙂, From what I've read on here no "professional" should be telling you whether or not your kid will ever be independent at 2 years old. Autistic kid's development is too unpredictable for that. Levels can also change with development. I have a friend who didn't speak until 3, is level 2, and is very independent. Sure it's something to maybe keep in mind, but I wouldn't be making any concrete predictions at 2, easier said than done I know., Whoever told you that your child will never be independent needs reported. That’s such nonsense, especially at this young age. I also think that labeling autism by levels is dumb. Especially this early on because so much can change as they develop. My only advice is to love your child the same as before they got their diagnosis and don’t worry about anyone else’s opinions, Level 2 is a support level, all kids at that age are high support, so it's a guess. >His new BCBA told me that he will never be independent They don't have enough information to say that, and shouldn't be saying that. That said, I keep going back to the fact that 16% of adults with autism work full time... if you have a kid with autism, the odds that you are going to need to be more supportive throughout their life is pretty good regardless of what support level is assigned., I’ve spoken to a couple of moms of adult sons diagnosed with classical autism (before levels were a thing) who were told their kids would never speak, never hold a conversation, never attend university, never drive, never have a job, etc. and they are both doing all of that now. They live at home, but they are only around 20yo so still have a lifetime of progress ahead. My son turns 3yo on Friday and sounds very much like your boy. While I remain realistic and know he will never be NT, I will not allow anyone to tell me what he will or won’t be capable of. Please don’t allow that BCBA to do that., Get a new BCBA and let this one be psychic some other place. Maybe her dumb ass can win the lottery. My oldest was nonverbal until 3. He is gifted, empathetic, has friends and is just an amazing human being. He doesn't need supports but he may in the future and that is OK as of right now though he is thriving in school and in friendships as a teen., My brother is autistic, but also has a TBI, epilepsy, had half of his brain removed due to grand mal seizures etc. A BCBA told my mom that too. They told her he would never do anything on his own. He can spell, read, write, tell time, fully verbal, nearly dresses himself, does some ADLs independently, he even plays Nintendo super well 1 handed (one of his arm/hand we call his "helper" hand because he has no control of it) my mom said she told that man to get out and never come back. He did come back several years later and was shocked at the amount of progress. My mom told him to get out again after she let him see the progress. 🤣 my point is never let anyone tell you what your child is capable of, especially at 2 years old., I teach self contained pre k (3-5). most of my kids have a level 3 autism diagnosis. in a little over 6 months I have seen kids go from completely nonverbal and having huge challenging behaviors to using 3 word phrases and fully participating in classroom routines. these are kids in their very first year of school! I cannot imagine why she would say that to you but you really can't know a child's future from a few interactions, my son was diagnosed last year at 2 years old and was given level 2. exactly one year ago today he wouldn’t listen to his name or make eye contact. He is 3 now and wow the progress he’s made in a year is astronomically amazing. He still doesn’t talk fluently but he can communicate with one letter words and signs. he comprehends so much more than last year and he’s so smart. OT and Speech have helped so much, i can’t emphasize the importance of finding great therapists. He just started school and i’m excited to see what progress he makes., Your baby is still a baby! My little guy was diagnosed level 3 just before his third birthday. He wouldn't communicate with anyone other than me at all, and I only got the occasional wailing "mama" and shrieking when displeased. He transitioned out of EI which we only did for 6 months before he aged out and into a pre k classroom with kids with multiple disabilities. A few weeks into school, he came home and said, "I want to watch Toy Story 2 on the big TV, please." He progressed so well that they sent him to the mainstream classroom for part of the day and then decided to integrate him into that classroom for the rest of pre-k. He's 5 now. We are struggling with potty training, but he's going into a mainstream classroom for kindergarten with 90 minutes out for special education and therapies. He requires more support than his peers, but he's learning. He is definitely lacking socially, but he's well liked anyway. He never stops talking. He even talks in his sleep. He wakes up in the middle of the night and just sits on the couch talking to our dogs. He reads at least a second grade level and can do at least first grade math, but he's so secretive it's possible he can do even more. If he were evaluated today, I'm sure he'd be categorized as level 2. Your child is going to grow and learn so much. He's going to have ups and downs and challenges and successes just like all the other kids. It's great you are taking into account what professionals say, but don't let what they say limit the possibilities you imagine for your son. He needs you to believe in him. Don't clip his wings before he can even think about flying. Nobody knows what the future will hold, but you will absolutely never regret believing in him and giving him your all., Completely unprofessional for someone to say that about a 2.5 year old. No one can predict at this age whether they will be ‘independent’ or not. I would be wary working with this person., My son was diagnosed with level 3, non verbal. He’s 4 now and although he’s not speaking in sentences or communicated as a neurotypical person would, he has made TREMENDOUS progress from where he was, and it’s amazing to see altogether. I think while the mind is still malleable and young, it’s impossible to tell where someone might end up some day. Just keep hope, push through the doubts, love and guide/help them unconditionally. That’s all we can do as their parents. I hope this helps because I know countless threads on this Reddit thread kept me from losing faith when times felt the toughest., I had a SLP from EI tell me a similar thing when my son was 2 years old. That was the first and last time she came to my house. There’s no way these professionals know what the future holds. My son’s developmental pediatrician told me that they don’t know until they’re 14-15 how the future will pan out. Don’t let it break you because she’s not God to know anything about that trajectory of your son’s life. Hugs 🫂, As an SLP and mama I am SOOOO tired of professionals pretending they have a crystal ball about what kids will and won't be like in the future. We have no idea!! I had a client who's Dr told the family to institutionalize him because he was so severe. He's in university now. My son was less impacted as a child and had an SLP as a parent but he's more impaired now than that client is. We don't know! I can make professional predictions 1-3 years out only. Even then it's a bit of guessing game at this young of age. I would get a new therapist because this one has too much hubris., My boy is about 4.5 he was diagnosed level 2 around 22m old. I knew he was different from about 5m. He spoke his very first word at 25m after about 6m of speech therapy and constant exposure to words. Audiobooks, songs, shows, one sided conversation with me/hubs/sibs, reading aloud etc anything we could think of to teach him with. He knows the names of every machine or vehicle under the sun. He watches videos and learns word for word to give tours of vehicle functions and parts. He is so immersed in his love of vehicles and we indulge it always. He loves music and knows thousands of songs. He makes jokes. He is a part time comedian, wild man with endless energy, sweet cuddle bug. He is only recently speaking sentences such as "Lets stop for an ice cream Mommy" but he is doing more every day. He is starting to "start conversations" with me about his interests and take cues of interest from others. His gross motor skills have always been amazing. His fine ones like scissors and pencils are coming along nicely. He has learned to pedal his bike this month. He struggles with potty training but tbh he understands its just absolute refusal so we wait til hes ready I guess. He struggles with transitions and being overstimulated in predictable ways. He will partially elope without reminders to stay close. And his sleep pattern is less than ideal lol. So its not all progress some stuff is very rough still. I think my son will be able to converse, hold a job and live outside my home with a bit of support if he chooses. Or maybe even independently. We have worked overtime to pay for his toys, tools, books, therapist hours. We apply for every dime of charity funding I can find. I dedicate my spare time to reading how to help and engage him. My husband and other children take my cues on how we help our boy develop. It is a full time family effort. My son is Level 2 and its sometimes very hard to live with. But we love him so much and he brings so much to our family., My kiddo was diagnosed at 18 months, level 2. He is now in pre-k (special education) and every day when I pick him up, he asks if he can go back. The words and phrases he uses to ask aren’t clear but to me, that fact that he’s asking and formulating the words to express his wants, is a huge win for us. It has and will continue to take time to get him “caught up”. Please don’t ever forget that every child is different and it’s more important to get rid of anyone who says our child cannot be independent. As parents, it’s our job to provide our kiddos the best that we can and that includes professionals that believe in the same mission as you., I’m no expert but I’m not sure that levels are super relevant age 2. My kid was diagnosed level 3 but that wasn’t really highlighted to us by professionals. I just looked back at the report because levels are relevant for older children and very discussed on this sub. My kid is verbal now, managing in a mainstream but very supportive preschool, and making progress in a lot of areas. I do think it’s too early to say at your son’s age. In my home country (the UK) you cannot get a diagnosis this young. I am very appreciative of getting one (I’m in California) because now my child has access to amazing therapies and got into this preschool based on the early diagnosis. It also helps us parent and understand her. But… a diagnosis age 2 is highly likely to evolve imo. Wishing you all the best!, Your kiddo is still very young for anyone to say what his future will look like. Autism severity fluctuates all the time. I know plenty of people (I work in social services for folks with disabilities) that have level 2 autism that have jobs, are verbal and living life. Your kiddo is way too young to know for sure what his future is going to look like. Keep working with him. You've got this!!!, My little sister is level 2 and fully verbal and independent, 2.5 yo is way too early to make that kind of call. Mine barely spoke at that age, and now at 5 he speaks in full sentences., My little girl was diagnosed level 2 right around her 2nd birthday. There was a lot happening in our lives that was stressful in that moment, and we had to take just a “one day at a time” approach. At first that mindset was survival mode, but I learned quickly that it’s been a great perspective. She’s about to turn 4 in a few months now; She’s doing things I assumed may never happen, like a whole lot of talking (single words typically, but adding new words all the time), including finally calling me mama. She is constantly changing. I’d completely underestimated her and what she’s capable of! It took a lot of patience in learning to slow my brain down and be patient, and take things one day at a time. Because especially at this little, it seems like these kids are always changing! But being a part of this group, I’ve learned that our kids of all ages are changing in all sorts of ways all the time. Idk what’s ahead of us, but I’m still doing my best to be patient and ride the wave, and wait and see., Get a new BCBA immediately. I had a speech therapist tell me at 2 years old my son would never speak. I kicked that dumb (insert here) to the curb and recently left a review of how wrong she was. At 5 years old his speech is increasing by the day he has 2-3 word sentences when 1 year ago it was just a word. They have no clue. My son was diagnosed at level 3 due to being nonverbal. I guess I am confused because I thought all non verbal were level 3 for that reason. Either way my son’s BCBA, ST, OT and RBT as well as his pre school teachers fully believe that he will be independent and are in awe of him. Don’t let anyone put your child in a box., all those export dont know nothing,,,they just download a test from the internet then test your kid give points and decide level 1 2 or 3. try to check all vitamin in is blood , most of autism child have Vitamin deficiency. highly recommend 5000iu vitamin D and fish oil, I’m a daughter, I’m actually an adult too. I was diagnosed with autism when I was a teenager because my parents were dismissed by doctors as a child because I was a girl. My psychologist had a meeting with them when I was older because she said I have symptoms of autism, after 4 years I got a diagnosis of level 2 autism as a teenager. I was bullied a lot in school which helped me fit in, but that doesn’t mean the bullying was good. I’m smart and would cry if I got an A- in maths. My dad says he loves me and would be sad if I wasn’t autistic because it makes me who I am, even though some days I wish I was normal. I have a long term boyfriend of many years and I’m in university. Statistically autistics who go to mainstream schools have a higher likelihood of going to university. My boyfriend isn’t autistic but he does research on it so he can help me, my parents like him and like how much he tries to understand me too. I also have two friends who are also accepting and understanding of my ASD. I take the bus almost every day on my own and I can cook. I don’t think I’d ever be able to live 100% independently but if I lived with my boyfriend id be fine. It’s really hard sometimes to exist as an autistic person, and it’s hard for parents too, but I think it’s happy in the end., You said she’s a BCBA? That’s literally a certificate. Even a neurologist shouldn’t be saying things like that, especially when the child is so young. She is absolutely not qualified to make those kind of statements. Sounds like she sees a desperate, and therefore, vulnerable client who “needs” her help. She is trying to convince you of her usefulness, so you will keep giving her $$, Honestly I have heard all the opinions. I used to focus on one thing like getting him to talk. My heart has had to accept he may not. Also as an older mom what I'm doing now is focusing on life skills so when i pass I pray he is able to live on his own with a daily nurse. My daughter is 25 and she has promised to check in every day on her brother. I just don't want him put in an institution so I have to get a will drawn up clarifying my wishes. I'm 46, and he's 11. His dad's family made it clear years ago that they thought he should be in an institution., This! I wouldn’t feel comfortable telling anyone about their child’s ability for independence until closer to puberty. And honestly that’s why children under age 21 are required to undergo an IQ test every three years if they’re receiving long term services and supports from Medicaid., Thanks for sharing that. It means a lot., I agree but I asked her for her opinion and she said that now he is level 2 but she doesn’t know yet if 2 and going towards mild or severe she said we will know that when he is 4-5 years old. Anyway she doesn’t think based on what she sees now that he will ever be independent. I was very hurt by it but she seems so nice and knowledgeable so I didn’t get upset by her saying that., 16% of DIAGNOSED adults with autism work full time. There are many many people who went undiagnosed. Something tells me given how San Jose has an autism "epidemic" with engineers to the point where google has the best insurance for kids with autism that would be higher if people were diagnosed back then the way they are now., I agree but I asked her for her opinion and she said that now he is level 2 but she doesn’t know yet if 2 and going towards mild or severe she said we will know that when he is 4-5 years old. Anyway she doesn’t think based on what she sees now that he will ever be independent. I was very hurt by it but she seems so nice and knowledgeable so I didn’t get upset by her saying that., Hi, I love your comment. Made me laugh. Was your son diagnosed with level 2? How old is he?, Your brother is great. Thanks for sharing his story. Your mom did the right thing. 😊, Is this a curriculum choice in your class helping this much, routine, or therapies? I in no way want to "fix" my kids, just give them the best shot at being whoever they want as they grow and would love to know what seems to be helping the most, Great to hear! I don’t know but I am glad I posted this here. So many great stories. Last night was the first night I actually slept after talking to her and that’s all because I red all the positive comments here, This makes me so emotional. Your boy is amazing! I really hope and pray that my baby will start talking soon., Definitely. This helps a lot. I love autism parenting group on redit. We are here to learn and support each other., Wow 🤩 that’s great ti hear, Yup! I work with autistic kids (and have my own) just in the past month I've been in meetings where the parent was originally told their kids were cognitively delayed and most likely low IQ...both have average to above average IQs., That is for low income or all kids with special needs get it? We were just talking how expensive is to pay for all the therapies. Co pays are huge, Try to accept the uncertainties and avoid asking professionals these types of questions. She should not have answered this and should have explained that we can’t predict the future. Nobody is fully independent in life, we all have supports. The idea is to capture our strengths and build up the skills we need to live to our fullest potential. Nobody can predict the potential of a 2 year old. Plenty of kids start speaking and make huge gains after that age, and even those who don’t vocally communicate can often use other strategies to communicate. Is the BCBA collaborating with/do you have a speech therapist?, I watched a youtube video where this woman was saying how she was non verbal and non responsive to anyone until she was 4, and now she has a masters and working on her PHD., Sure, it's definitely a survivorship basis things, where the people with autism that are most likely to be able to get jobs, are also the most likely to go undiagnosed. I don't know how to account for that in the statistic. But the bottom line is, that a lot of people on this sub with some kids with real struggles might be underestimating the long term struggles. There are reasons they qualify for things like disability savings plans., I 100% agree., Please don’t let what she told you discourage you from encouraging your child to self direct and from becoming as independent as possible. The only concrete thing I would encourage you to do at this age would be to check out getting him an ABLE account, looking at signing up for the the hbcs/1915 c waiver, and looking into a vitamin regimen to ensure there’s no gaps in nutrition., He is 12 he was moderate level 2 and his report gives me PTSD. The same hospital that diagnosed my younger son recently and my younger son has a lot more needs than his brother was a lot more positive than my older son's report. That report was heartbreaking and upsetting but now they just keep learning more and more about ASD and it's not as bleak if we can help our kids. I worry a lot about his brother. I made myself sick over my oldest. When I say not verbal until three I mean word approximations at three. He was severely language delayed. We prioritized speech, tried ABA but it was abusive to him and again different times so we quit., Absolutely. I hope it gave you a bit of hope. Your child is absolutely capable. 😊 give him time and he will flourish and surprise everyone., it's mostly their natural development coupled with consistent exposure to peers and therapies. we focus very early on getting them a functional way to communicate (which is almost never verbally) and go from there. my advice is to continue exposing them to as much language as possible, incorporate visual tools like visual schedules into your day when you can, and if at all possible send them to a public school where you feel involved in their IEP team. I'm a first year teacher who is also an autistic adult and I by no means think that anything specific to my room is doing something extraordinary. I just truly believe that all kids, including kids with intensive support needs, do best when we meet them where they are at and provide consistent support at their level. I'm happy to answer any specific questions if you have them :), I love it, I do home visits for a kid who parents were told would never speak, they greet me by name now and we have a back and forth about how their day is going., Check out your state qualifiers for Tefra/medicaid. Typically there’s not an income limit for Tefra., Thank you for encouraging words. We finally found good speech therapist but we don’t have ABA therapist, so difficult to find quality technicians., Oh wow, I would love to see that video. ☺️, I agree, and to be honest in some ways we are ahead of the curve because we know to plan for it or try to. It's what I tell myself when I am stressed out because I know adults who became disabled as teens or young adults or addicts etc. I had a friend who became disabled at 17 due to a car wreck. Again this is just thing I tell myself when I can't breathe stressed about the future for my kids., It really did. Thank you 😊, Just the awareness you have makes a difference, I'm sure., >:) :), Sadly, in my area the public schools are a nightmare, so I am going to be homeschooling. If you have any suggestions that might help me, I would love to hear them., Thanks, I’ll check that out, I'm not able to find it now, it's an Asian woman talking to the camera telling her story. But there are a lot of others, a famous one is "Ava" and here is another one https://youtu.be/enmhofEnag4?si=xar2pLybzEqxtilx, Found it! It's a great video. I misremembered a few details, but she says she didn't talk or respond until very late. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwYPZYRAkZE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwYPZYRAkZE), honestly my biggest advice would be to move if you can. the federal protections that public schools provide are so powerful. this is a hard hard job and I have training in teaching kids with disabilities--I can only imagine how hard it would be for a parent. barring that, I would make sure your kiddo has a care team and be receptive to any advice they give you. most kids on my caseload with an autism diagnosis get weekly speech and occupational therapies. many also get time with the school social worker. consider learning about phrases/concepts like alternative assisted communication, functional communication, and gestalt language processing. in my experience once a student is able to find a communication method that works for them, things start to fall into place., Thanks, I’ll try to watch it today 🙂
My brother (7) threw a tantrum in the neighborhood parking lot. We almost left him.	He has autism and is 7 years old. He has his routines, such as making sure everybody gets out of the car ad goes inside the house. Today, we did not do that. My dad had to fix something in the car and asked to stay behind while my mom, me, and my brother all went inside the house. He refused. My dad went out of the village gate to bring additional materials to get our car fixed and my brother started having a meltdown. My mom and I also almost fell down with my brother (he's obese). My mom is nearly 50 and is already weak. My brother was screaming and was in hysterics. He was panicking so much and didn't know ehether he wanted to sit, lie on the ground, or jump up and down. He was also dragging and kicking his legs whenever we mentioned "let's go inside the house, daddy will follow". He understood this, but he didn't want to do what my mom said. I told him to relax and to breathe in and out to make him calm down. We counted slowly, I massaged his pressure points. He was calm, but we were still in the street for everyone to see. At this point my mom started getting conscious and ashamed. I empathize with her. I told her to go inside the house, because maybe then he would follow us. But the road was jagged and we thought that if he did have a panic fit, nobody would hold him and he might hit his head on the pavement. So we stayed. We have a spanking spoon. We promised to only use it as a last resort, especially in public. My brother has an understanding of basic things of what's and why's but he just doesn't want to do what he doesn't want to do. Typical kid things. But the difference is that he is large. Obesely large. And he hurts people when he doesn't get his way. Much like this. My dad came back, and we told my brother that dad finally came back so we can all go inside the house just like he wanted. But somehow he thought that the car was still running and kept screaming, "turn off the car!" We showed him that the car was turned off but he didn't believe us. He screamed, kicked, cried, and punched and many times, almost hit his head. This is the time I used the spanking spoon. I told him the reason I was going to spank him, and I told him that I was going to spank his legs 3 times. My mom was too faint by this time (she hadn't slept properly last night) and so I did it. I spanked him quickly three times, and after that we were able to get him up and inside the house. When we got inside the house, we explained to him that when my mom told him to go inside the house, he had to follow. We also explained to him that not everything will go his way. I feel extremely guilty that I myself had to spank my brother because he was already causing harm to my mom and he was also causing harm to himself (the back of his calves which were on the pavement had multiple light jagged scratches). I know that patience and gentle parenting is a must and is encouraged for parents of autism, but what happens when a child is too physically strong for their parents, and when a parent gets too exhausted and cries everyday because they don't know how to handle and discipline their child? The responsibility, I feel, falls on me as his older sibling. But I too, don't know what to do. I refuse to place him in a mental institution because he's my baby brother. I still want to care for him. But at the same time, I feel the weight of our situation falling on my parents. Both of them have suddenly aged so fast, we started avoiding public events and activities which we once enjoyed as a family. I can't even remember the last time we had vacation without my brother having a mental breakdown and tantrums. He has broken so many expensive gadgets and toys. We don't want to deprive him of childhood experiences that are memorable. But if we do go our, it's destructive both for us, himself, and everyone around us. I am at the edge of myself. What do I do?	If we cannot have a civil discussion, we will lock the thread. If you are not a parent/caregiver of an autistic child, especially one with high support needs, I’m reminding you gently and politely that you cannot understand what that is like, and you do not know what is best for a child you are not actively parenting/raising/working with. If you are just here to bang on an anti ABA drum, take it somewhere else. In addition, the advice to get involved with programs is great but not a fast resource, and not accessible in every area. OP needs help from people beyond “seek help locally”- OP is NOT located in the US., is the kiddo a “sensory seeker” or “sensory avoider?” Once you figure that out it will help in the middle of a meltdown. For example, when a meltdown begins- if the kid is a sensory avoider then it would be wise to eliminate things in the environment that you can control (move child to an area with low lighting, provide headphones, etc.) if the child is a sensory seeker then giving them something to redirect their attention (provide a textured blanket they enjoy, deep massage or pressure, a Fidget that helps sooth). I hope this helps a bit. After he is able to calm then discuss thoughts and feelings. Please seek therapy for them if you can also as it is possible neither you, your family, or the autistic kiddo have the resources to address a meltdown., This feels like something that needs professional intervention. It is untenable for him to have routines that involve controlling the actions of other people. I know you say you don't want to put him in a mental institution, but how is that worse than him and his family basically having to attack each other? It doesn't sound like you are from the US, but I know at least here you don't commit anyone forever. It might be worth looking into putting him in a facility that has something like ABA therapy until he can manage things like this. As everyone ages, situations like this will only get more common because it's impossible to keep things perfectly the same every single year. He's only going to get stronger too. What do you think will happen when he's 12? 14? 16? He could really hurt himself and others with no intervention., i would say under no circumstances is hitting/spanking okay and especially not with a child who doesn’t have the capacity to understand discipline in that way. my only real advice is if he is too much care for your mother because of her age, that maybe residential care might be an option., It sounds like he needs to be medicated and his weight dealt with. I don’t think you could have done anything else., You did your best, and that’s all anyone can ever ask of you., You guys are doing the best you can and bravo to you OP for asking and seeking advice. Ignore the shaming and blaming (what you should’ve done) comments as it’s more about them and their problem. My ASD daughter (11) is very ODD when she tantrums. Can be destructive too, and refuses hugs. I think she could be a sensory avoider in the moment, which sounds like your brother. She’s verbal but will hurl loud insults at me and brother when angry. We are on an ABA waitlist because similar to your mom, I can only do so much. It’s also about the family’s piece of mind which is important. Along with therapy perhaps you and your parents can get some alone time to reconnect when an ABA or BCBA agent is involved and working with your brother either on-site (at home) or at a clinic., OP: I commend you for being there for your parents and your brother. They are truly blessed to have your help. I have no advice...I too was in your mother's situation, so I understand the sheer exhaustion...but I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts and well wishes. Best to you all.🌻, [deleted], Hi, may I ask how old you are?, First off. You are doing a great job. It’s very tough. I have two boys on the spectrum and my oldest it heavy as well. He too doesn’t know his own strength. We have had to replace two tvs and a number of tablets. What works for me is when we need to get them to do something out of their comfort zone or out of routine we give them plenty of notice. For example when they have to clean their rooms the day before we will say. “Tomorrow you will clean your room.” Then on that day do a count down. “ In an hour it’s time to clean your room”. “ in 30 min it’s time to clean your room”. All the way down to 2mins. Also when a sudden change happens it is kind of the same thing. When you know that the routine is going to be broken to make him well aware of it. My son loves to take a certain route to his grandparents house. Well one day I had to get gas. Knowing this even before we got in the car I told him that we were not going to take the same route. We had to get gas and stop. I kept informing him the closer to the time we left. When we left it was a lot better for him knowing why we weren’t taking the same route. Not 100% but better. Now take all this with a grain of salt. Each kiddo is different and what works for my kids may not work for you. Just remember at the end of the day that you are making his life better just by being there and loving him. We do our best and I can see that your family is too. The one thing that I will say is the people watching you don’t know what it’s like. Also I know that many people who see this do sympathize and would like to help but don’t know how too. Keep up the good work., Edit: OP clarified the situation more, and I think I misunderstood the situation entirely. I'm down-voting my own post, but I think it would be detrimental to delete entirely for people who are reading through the thread. Go ahead and downvote so that it sits at the bottom of the page. Some things seem bizarre to me: >My dad had to fix something in the car and asked to stay behind while my mom, me, and my brother all went inside the house. Does your dad not know your brother's routine? When you have an autistic person with very strict routine, it seems like your Dad could have just gone inside, and then come back out. Honestly, I read through the rest of the post, and I don't see an explanation of this. Your parents read like they don't know anything your brother's autism, but that surely can't be the case. Also, "nearly 50“ isn't that old! You're acting like she is in her 70's. This reads to me like everyone knows that if this happens, this would almost certainly be the outcome. Your Dad basically instigated your brother, and for some reason you were left to deal with it. I would have a discussion with your parents about this, because in my opinion you should not have been put in this position., My son takes meds to control his moodiness and anxiety. It stopped him from being angry all day long as well as being less cranky so he can focus on his schoolwork and therapies. It did not take away his individuality. If anything, he’s happier and is more willing to interact with us all day. His daily meds is vastly different from what we use when he is having a severe meltdown like your brother. The kind he takes daily calms him down and allows him to focus. The second kind is when you’re about to admit him into the the psych ward. It may cause drowsiness. I think you’re confusing painkillers vs. mood stabilizers. None of my son’s meds are painkillers. Aren’t there any doctors in your country who specialize in autistic kids? That might be a good start? They can probably recommend appropriate therapies for your brother., Control of routines for me and my autistic kids has to do with anxiety. Medication to treat their anxiety and talk therapy with a good psychologist has made a huge difference. You might look into using visual schedules so you can warn him a head if time of expectations are going to change. He was probably hysterical not understanding why daddy abandoned the family., I'm not sure how to categorize my brother. Maybe both? A seeker of routines and an avoider of sudden events and unfamiliar places/visuals/objects. Thank you for telling me about this, I'll bring it up with my parents., Thank you. I'm actually from the Philippines, I haven't really heard of it, but I'll be looking into ABA therapy as you've mentioned., I was wondering when the spanking spoon would finally come up in a comment., I'm relieved to see this. I absolutely understand how challenging it is to deal with meltdowns, especially as the child gets older and stronger, but it's wild to see acceptance (or at least silence) in response to physically punishing a disabled child. It's even worse here because it sounds like the family was more embarrassed/exhausted than afraid. I wouldn't necessarily blame OP as the sibling rather than the parent, but seriously...what the hell?, Hitting or spanking is never right, and it's especially not okay for a kid with a disability who might not understand why they're being punished., I am quite reluctant on the medication part as I feel this would impair his sense of self. I still want him to have his own agency, I don't want his mind to be clouded and just blindly do as I or my parents say. I'd like him to fully understand my words (which is a working progress), but I'll consider medication as a last resort. And yes. I'm trying to convince my mom to lessen his food intake, which is something my mom has been lenient on to the point that she just indulges my brother with food to make him shut up and to not cause anymore tantrums when he doesn't get his way. I'll also look into diets and consult with a special needs nutritionist. Thank you for your suggestions, it means a lot to me., More power to you and your daughter, I'm rooting for you! And yes I will look into these therapies you guys are suggesting and will bring them up to my parents. Thank you for your encouragements., Thank you for this! I'll definitely use these techniques instead of spanking. I grew up in a household where I myself have been spanked growing up. I've been straightened out and disciplined but that's only because I have a normal person's capacity to understand and fully grasp the reason as to why my parents discipline me. I've also been exposed in an environment where parents do discipline their autistic kids and over the years I've seen them interact more normally and integrate themselves into society. My parents have hoped for years that if they do this as well with my brother, he would eventually learn rights from wrongs and consequences. I think you've opened my mind to accepting that my brother will never be normal, there's a possibility that my parents' form of discipline on me will never work on him. I need to find what comforts his already overstimulated and panicked mind. I'll try the blankets and music as you suggested. Thank you so much again. Edit: I re-read your reply again and while I do like the idea of holding and swaddling and calming my brother, we were in a busy area at the time of the incident. Cars were going in and out of the village gate. We were in the middle of the driveway. We were concerned to get him quickly inside the house because so many cars were passing by. But again, a time and place for everything. I hope to handle myself better and to not use physical means in case this incident happens again., This comment is deeply unfair. While it is noble for _you_ you be willing to be put into the hospital for your kid. Defending yourself from harm is far different from "oh this is inconvenient, so I'm going hit someone" like you suggest. Do you think that partners in domestic abuse abuse situations where the partner is high on drugs have no right to defend themselves? After all they "can't control themselves " what if OP's brother had killed her mom? Would you say "oh well, that just happens sometimes" and that's something that legitimately happens because one punch can kill anyone, especially people who are getting elderly. OP obviously lives somewhere where getting help is not automatic and may not be free. They obviously know that hitting is wrong. But defending yourself from harm is reasonable. They came to them forum so they could _stop_ from hitting their brother and you say what amount to "you're a piece of shit. Why don't you, a probable minor, just do all these techniques you might not have thought of and aren't obvious ways to deal with someone attacking you", I'm 18 (and live with my parents), thank you, you sound really kind and your advice makes so much sense. I know that my brother really has to take time processing the events unfolding before me and I'll make sure to let him know what will happen to dispel any fear. Thank you!, I would like to clarify that the "parking lot" our car is parked in is actually the neighborhood street. Our car kept idling and stopping even as we were driving on the way home so when we came home, our car finally broke down and it was not in our intended parking spot. We could have left the car there and all went back inside our house as a family but we could not, for the reason that the place where our car broke down was somebody else's parking spot. My parents are by all means healthy and fit, but I hope you understand that living through these kinds of situations wears some people out. Plus, my mom was only able to sleep three hours last night because my brother kept waking up in the middle of the night from coughs and colds. And yes. My dad is aware of my brother's likes and dislikes. He's also been busy for the entire day (he left the house early because he drove my grandmother to the province and was outside the entire morning-noon because he was at church, then came back for us to bring us to church for the afternoon service, and then drove us home). So i doubt that he would want to deal with any tantrums just because he wants to instigate or trigger mt brother on purpose. I apologize for not providing much context on our situation as everything happened so fast and because this is already three paragraphs long and would make the post even longer, Look I generally am alright with catering to most things, but some times , even the most severely autistic individuals need to learn that not everything goes the way they want it to. While yes, this caused a melt down, it might have also been a learning opportunity. While I was not there, and the situation may not have been handled how I would have handled it , I refuse to be held hostage by my young son's autism. The world doesn't work that way, what if it was an emergency? They need to learn that it is not ok to hold people hostage to routines., People age like crap in the Philippines. Life is hard and the diets suck. It’s not unheard of people dying in their 50s., Both of my children are autistic. My son is a sensory seeker, and my daughter is sensory avoidant. Here are some things that they like to do/use, that may help you understand what type your brother is. It’s not a full list, just the most obvious things that they do. My son: • loves jumping off high things • falling backwards onto the couch • laying in weird positions and feeling the things around him • spinning in circles • walk around in circles or running fast to nowhere in particular • screaming (happily) • covering and uncovering his eyes • turning on and off lights fast My daughter: • sits and reads in one location with her preferred blanket and pillow, with only one dimly lit lamp and soft music • wears tight clothing so other things can’t touch her skin • wipes her body when someone hugs or kisses her on the cheek • prefers to sit in the same locations on the couch, at the table etc • wears large headphones to events or gatherings they can definitely do things from either list, but i refer to their main habits (in the lists) as their “default” state. I hope this helps, Please be aware that if a facility doesn’t have an ABA program, their methods to manage behaviors are chemical and mechanical restraints, which have cause the death of many autistic residents. Best of the luck for you and your family, [removed], >I am quite reluctant on the medication part as I feel this would impair his sense of self. I still want him to have his own agency, I don't want his mind to be clouded and just blindly do as I or my parents say. I understand your reluctance and it's normal. But as a person who's taking high doses of medication to control my anxiety, I never felt as good as now. It allows me to control my reactions to stress and function instead of being hit by a panic attack that I have no control over. My daughter is 10, she has severe ADHD, anxiety and autism. She's started medication for her ADHD at 6, because she couldn't function at school (and even at daycare before it was really hard). It helped with her hyperactivity and impulsivity, but she still had a lot of meltdowns. And she hates when it happens and feel bad about it after, but she can't control herself. We started medication for anxiety and the difference was big. The meltdowns were happening way less frequently (like 3-4 times a month instead of 3-4 times a week) and she was happier. Lately, her medication was not as effective anymore (she was having panic attacks and meltdowns almost everyday at school because of a situation that happened) so we changed it. It really helped. In the same situation where she was loosing control and was just screaming and kicking, she's now able to stay calm and act upon it. And about the feat of him doing blindly what you or your parents say, let me tell you that my daughter is still as hard headed as she was without medication 😅. But with less meltdowns. If the person's mind is clouded when on a medication, it's not the right one., His "self" sounds like it is very dysregulated and unhappy and in constant survival mode. It seems like a very scary, exhausting way to live., Hey I’ve been reading the comments and just want to say that you are so strong for reaching out. Also, it took a while but I am currently on a couple of medications and I’ve never felt more myself or had my mind so clear. When I was younger I was so resistant to the thought of medication because, like you, I thought they would dull or change who I was. But with a lot of therapy along with my medication I feel so much better. I’m actually able to function pretty well. I wish the best for your family. I know the thought of medication can be scary but if you can speak with a doctor just ask questions and bring up your concerns. There are so many types of meds out here and I’m sure one could help your brother and your situation., Autistic children learn how to behave by watching others, often more than neurotypical children because they don't instinctively understand social rules. That means that by hitting him, you're teaching him that hitting others when you're upset is alright. I don't think spanking is ever right or necessary, but it can be especially harmful for autistic children. Your brother might still be able to learn consequences and learn right from wrong, but with different techniques. Meltdowns are outside of his control, but rules can really help in other situations, preferably with images to help him recognize them. Stopping meltdowns before they begin is always your best bet in these situations. If routine changes/transitions are the issue, giving him warnings and making a schedule he can refer to beforehand can help him. Comfort items are always a good idea as well. If he has sensory issues, protecting him from them is also a good idea - sunglasses, ear defenders or headphones, etc., [deleted], > Do you think that partners in domestic abuse abuse situations where the partner is high on drugs have no right to defend themselves? After all they "can't control themselves " Hitting a person with an implement in order to discipline them is not self-defence. If you spanked your wife with a wooden spoon it would be spousal abuse., Okay, the context changes the way it reads to me. Sounds like everyone is burnt out. Your Dad was dealing with several different pressures at once, and took a chance with your brother that didn't pan out. Now it reads like autistic person deals badly in a high-pressure situation, which absolutely happens. If my 4 year old child gets hurt, it's hard to focus on her, because this will cause my 9 year old autistic daughter to freak out, and may even need more attention than the 4 year old. This is a big reason why I refuse to take my kids anywhere by myself. It can quickly become impossible to deal with one problem at a time. Sorry for misunderstanding you. That's part of the reason why I kept saying "this reads like..." because I knew that more details could change my opinion., It seems to me that perhaps it was that the change in the routine was unexpected to him, and not the change itself. But I don’t know your situation it’s just a possibility that I thought of while reading this. How is he with explanations and preparing him for an upcoming change? Does this happen or are all changes unexpected for him?, Sure. But it doesn't read like this was a pre-planned attempt to change his brother's routine. The parents should have been the ones directing this, not the brother. The OP is only 18, still living at home, and instead of starting his own life, is being pushed into a caregiving role of his own brother. That's really what this looks like to me, without knowing the details. Dad is suddenly oblivious of his autistic son's routine. Mom is suddenly too old (late 40's) and "ashamed" to deal with her autistic son. OP is young and naive, and frankly easy to manipulate. There should at least be a conversation about this., You just describe both of my kids perfectly!!, Respectfully that was the ABA of 10+ years ago. It is a medical science that is evolving. I would also like to point out that those "adults that share their trauma" now have the capacity to explain such things. ABA is best used with level 2/3 individuals to learn important life skills , such as "sitting in the road way screaming is dangerous" and "Hitting your family will get you locked up as an adult". It is not a one size fits all situation, but when the alternative is being fully snowed on medications, I feel it is the lesser of two evils., This post/comment was removed for violating the sub's "No ABA Absolutism" policy. The sub rule states "No non-constructive anti-aba hate; conversely, no “ABA is the only solution for all autistic children” talk." Examples may include such statements as "All ABA is abuse." Repeated violations of this rule may lead to a sub ban., There’s not a scientific study, those studies you mentioned are based on qualitative data and not quantitative data (or flat out corrupted data) because the surveys didn’t verify clinical diagnosis and have gross inconsistencies like participants claiming to have received services at an age where ABA is no longer prescribed for ASD level 1, This clarifies a lot for me, I've heard testimonials of people taking meds and feeling very groggy and just agreeing with eveything happening to them, like they are behave but at what cost y'know? But hearing your daughter's fighting spirit makes me very happy and hopeful that one day my brother will also be able to reason out wih me about things he doesn't like, why he doesn't like things, and be able to express himself to us. Thank you!, Then wouldn't they also imitate all the "good" behaviors and actions they see the ND people around them doing? Not just the "hitting?", Thank you, I do think that the visual board is really helpful to give him comfort. I'll try to show him pictures next time! (Hopefully he doesn't throw my phone lol), If someone's spouse acted like OP's brother, they wouldn't even convict you in the US if you shot them in a great many states. If you hit them back, you wouldn't get charged with anything. It would be considered self-defense. Acting wild and attacking anyone who came close is violent and in the US children like that guy abandoned all the time. I assume it happens in othet nations. Or drugged up to the point where they can't think at all. OP came to this forum for help to keep their brother happy and healthy when by all rights their family could just commit their kid to a mental facility, leave them to rot and be abused. You skipped over over of my comment except for that point because you know I'm right. The moment anyone, even a child, becomes violent they lose rights in society. Being a hit with a spoon when they kick and punch their caretakers is the _least_ of the torment thus kid can expect if left to the system. It's why so many parents with violent kids come here for help. The system will do worse than we could ever do. For all your talk of compassion, you sure aren't compassionate to the people who give a shit and actively want to drop corporal punishment from the care of their child. You just want to judge them which only encourages people to leave and not change anything., Wow, that's a really interesting idea that I hadn't considered before, that the autistic adults who are now complaining about ABA might not have had the capacity to explain ideas like that without the therapy., [removed], Medication used to be that way, because there was less control over the dosages- so many children were taking too high of a dosage of their medication. These days we can start children on way less medication, so they can feel better without losing their personality., [deleted], [deleted], I'm sorry but you seem really "internet educated" on this matter and not actually aware of the realities of severe autism. There are several medications that are prescribed for ASD that curb violence and anxiety. Most have very positive results, but unfortunately once the child becomes old and strong enough , the dosage has to be raised to the point of lethargy. This is the truth even if you do not want to admit it. It seems that most of your knowledge of ASD comes from level 1's , and lower support needs individuals. I implore you , if you really do want to know more, to visit your local care home and meet people who have profound ASD. Speech and play and floor and rhino and etc etc etc therapies usually do very little for level 3 non verbal or semi verbal individuals. Sitting in a busy street with a soft blanket is not a solution to a melt down., >The compliance training aspect of ABA therapy of recent years has still been concluded as harmful. I don't think you should write with this degree of confidence without a citation. Who has concluded that it is harmful?, This post/comment was removed for violating the sub's "No ABA Absolutism" policy. The sub rule states "No non-constructive anti-aba hate; conversely, no “ABA is the only solution for all autistic children” talk." Examples may include such statements as "All ABA is abuse." Repeated violations of this rule may lead to a sub ban., I just want to add that trying is not for life. It's always possible to stop if it's not working well or changes him too much., I can't continue this conversation because you're 100% unwilling to try to understand how things could be very different in different nations. "Oh there are charities that can help"? How do you know? What do you know about Singapore? Did you even know that OP was from Singapore? What do you know about about the attitudes there in general? Why are you thinking that OP's family has money to deal with this? Or even time. Even in the US which is one of the better nations for autism, maybe poorer people in rural areas find themselves shit out of luck. And they might be working a lot. Or need to take care of way more people than just OP's brother Like your POV comes from the most privileged POV and you are not willing to extend any grace to someone who is trying to change. It's wonderful that you're apparently perfect and have time, money, resources, and education enough, but that's not common. Also don't want to hear anything about "he's a child" from someone who kicked off this comment chain attacking what is very likely to be a preteen doing their best with what they were taught and seeking help for a different path., Stop spitting nonsense FFS. I don’t condone negative reinforcement but your “there are charities in the world wide who help for free” LMAO , which planet do you live in ? My child’s specialized private school cost $8k without insurance, and if I sent him to the “free ones” I’d have to move there because there’s none where I live and let the state control his care meaning a social worker coming to my house and frame me for abuse so they can commit him in a for profit group home owned by the state and make money with him , is that what you call “free”?? You’re delusional, The majority of my knowledge comes from working with level 2/3 individuals with autism. The medications that you speak of are not specifically for individuals for ASD, but rather they treat overlapping symptoms with many other neurodevelopmental and mental health conditions. They are meant to be administered in combination with other therapies so that the medication is not the only method of coping. I understand that you feel I am uneducated in the matter, and whilst I’m not claiming to be an expert, I do believe that listening to people with autism when they share their experiences, and considering all the factors should be taken into consideration when determining what is best for a child with higher support needs., I’ll insert the doi of one of the papers I’ve read https://doi.org/10.1080/23311908.2019.1641258, Honestly, people with autism hurt themselves as a method to distract from sensory pain. In this case, the brother “snapped out of it” when hit with the spoon. It could be actually somewhat helping him. I personally have never even yelled at my autistic kid, but I have access to therapy and resources and he also doesn’t beat me. It’s one of my biggest fears that he would become uncontrollably violent, because I was abused as a child and I don’t know how I would react to that sort of situation. I don’t think I could live like that again. I’m not saying hitting him with a spoon is a good strategy, but the response is controlled and they are dealing with it seems like an extremely violent person with no therapy or help., [deleted], Have you worked with autistic children who self-harm and beat their heads into the wall? Or what about the OP's situation? My wife and I have chosen not to use ABA with my daughter, because her autism isn't that severe, and I've read the horror stories on r/autism . But my wife is a social worker, and told me about a child who was literally beating his head into wall. You have to intervene in these kinds of situations, and if you don't have a better answer than ABA, then ABA is the answer., One of the most frustrating things I keep witnessing from people who talk about autism is the fact that you say so many things are co-morbid or overlapping. This is simply not true, Profound level 3 autism will always have anxiety, and defiance, and self harm, and high energy, and so many other symptoms. It is like you want to take autism, and surgically remove all of the bad things that come with it so that you can make it "clean" and "nice" and not a bad thing for some reason. This is so much harm to people with profound autism. I am sorry if you have autism and struggle, but your "shared experiences" mean very little to someone with a child who bites and hits and scratches. You can speak, and have conversations and have presence of mind. SO many of us deal with children and young adults who do not. Your autism is not the autism of our children and your experiences mean NOTHING. I do not mean to be mean or callus but it is the TRUTH. With that out of the way, What possible therapies other then ABA will teach a profoundly autistic individual to stop self harm or violent behaviors. I would love to know your answer, as I'm sure what ever gentle play based therapy will be so very useful to us here struggling with wounds., Almost everything cited in that study is from the early 2000s, most from the 90s' The only new things cited are things from 2014ish which is data on percentages of children with autism etc. It talks about suppression of non violent stims which is something that has not been done in almost a decade. This is OLD , very old, the paper itself is 5 years old., Lady, I personally know wealthy families that have tried and could have even tried bringing Jesus in the flesh to heal their severely autistic children if that has a dollar price. So it’s laughable that you mention free charities or some charlatan article from the internet when they have actually build research facilities for that purpose and have access to the top leading experts of the world at their dispose. I live in the the US, there’s no free charity that will solve this crisis with a magic wand or not, I currently work with a child who repeatedly knocks their head into a wall, especially during meltdowns. Often, these behaviors can be rooted in some sort of sensory-seeking or sensory-avoiding need. Other therapy options that target figuring out what those needs are may be: occupational therapy, sensory integration therapy, play-based therapy., I’m not even going to address the fact that you’re trying to imply that autism is inherently bad. The other forms of therapy available are occupational therapy, speech therapy, sensory integration therapy, play-based therapy, physical therapy. I encourage everyone to do their own research, but to make themselves aware of the discourse within the autism community., I’m always looking to learn, so I’d appreciate it if you could provide me with more recent papers., [deleted], Isn't that exactly what ABA is, though? Analyzing behavior to understand what function it serves, and then trying to find a less harmful behavior to substitute that can serve the same function?, I have the uneasy feeling you also support Facilitaded Communication but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, haha go back to tiktok. Children get kicked out of all of those therapies for behavioral problems. You are 100% unaware of reality. Pack it up everyone, Responsible panda says that autism isn't bad, lets all just socially change the world to cater to level 1 autistic, as level 2 and 3 apparently do not exist., How is saying "take away the bad things of autism" like self harm implying that autism itself is bad? You can't seriously think that self harm because it's related to autism is okay? For many, autism is a severe disability. You're being extremely disrespectful and callous by coming here and trying to tell them that it's not that bad, autism is just a different way of thinking, it's a super power, they're just quirky, etc. Some of these kids will never speak or be able to live independently or have the quality of life that a level 1 person or a person without a disability might have. You need to check your privilege., The person you were responding to was specifically talking about violence and self-harm. I hope you know what it sounds like when you respond with "speech therapy". Your other examples are generic, and aren't actually answers. You might as well added "diet and exercise" and "restful sleep" to your list of remedies. Here's the truth, if autism wasn't "bad", it wouldn't be a disability. If you have autism, but it isn't negatively effecting your life in any way, then congratulations, you're cured! You don't have autism anymore. There's no such thing as being "neurotypical"., Please understand severe autism is not cured or improved long term with “nothing but hard work”. That’s insulting for the families that have literally broke their back and financially broke while working hard to help their children. Your children are not the role model of what hard work does for autism, simply because hard work is not a one size fits for all cure for everyone . One can work hard and still see no improvement, the strategy is to work intelligently instead, which means a multidisciplinary therapeutic approach balanced with a customized pharmacology and dietary / nutritional treatment that will cost a lot of money if you don’t have a robust insurance plan PLUS the support of educators, family and community if possible, but you can demand ALL of that for families that are barely surviving each day and slap them with “just work harder”, People unaware of what ABA is think it is still electric shocks and denying non violent stims. It is at its core rewarding positive behavior with food, attention, or preferred items / activities, and ignoring or redirecting bad behaviors by withholding things that they want. Over time it stops melt downs before they start and teaches things like First>Then and other useful life skills. All parenting is reward based, but somehow these uneducated internet advocates think it is dog training and somehow inherently bad. They themselves talk about their brother continuing to head bang, as if their soft blankets and speech therapy will some day cure them of it. Remember first and foremost that the person we are arguing with is not a parent. It is yet another "listen to autistic adults" advocate from other forums here to enlighten us. I am so very tired of it, as it is a theme that continues every week with another one until they get bored and return to their other forums to post spoons and memes' about people not catering to everything they want., That’s categorically not what I said, but clearly, you are unable to engage in this kind of discussion without disrespecting those who are simply offering advice from an alternative viewpoint., That’s an incredibly privileged take. There’s no cure for autism, and all people who have it struggle in different ways. I was asked to provide examples of therapies that can be used to help people with autism, and I did. Speech therapy does not always focus on getting someone to speak, but can often provide alternative methods of communication (e.g. iPads augmented with communication apps, PECS, sign languages) which then help the individual to express themselves without violence, and cope., No that’s exactly what you said. You don’t care about Level 2-3 because you aren’t one. You’re probably self diagnosed as well., You weren’t asked to provide examples of therapies that can help people with Autisim. You were asked to provide therapies to help with self-harm and violent behaviors. So you either aren’t paying attention, don’t have proper reading comprehension OR just don’t care and just want to spout your anti-ABA rhetoric.
My brother has autism and is sexually attracted to diaries.	My younger brother is 19 and has both autism and learning difficulties. He goes to a special needs school but since 4-5 years ago, he has developed a sexual relationship with diaries. If he goes to someones house or a shop or sees a diary in our house lying around he will want to have it and masterbate (he will lay on the floor or on his bed and rub his crotch against the floor) If he does this privately, i understand that he has needs and needs to get those feelings out i guess. But it's not appropriate for him to do it with anyone's diaries as it is a common object and he will do anything to get his hands on it even if it doesn't belong to him. And he will also do the action anywhere he sees it too. Or he will try to search for them in YouTube videos. Other people don't understand why he's asking for the diaries and will just give it to him and think he wants to look at it or play with it, but it makes things difficult and because he has learning difficulties I cannot just explain to him that it's not appropriate behaviour for him to do it anywhere, or take others belongings, he will not understand. How can i get him to stop, or at least just do it privately if he needs to. I know this is called objectophilia but i don't know how to help with the situation. Any advice?	Seek professional help. Reddit is not the place for it. There are lots of therapies that will help redirect this to a place in private, such as ABA. There are therapists that will help understand the triggers and how to prevent it in places where it will cause trouble., Its great you want to help. This is a family effort. Without shaming he needs to understand that is private. Usually this behaviour is not spontaneous, did your parents educate him about his sexuality or is the poor fellow navigating all this on his own? You all need to not make it a big deal, treat it like going to the bathroom. There's no shame, but it is private., Encourage him to do it in the privacy of his bedroom or in the bathroom. Though it would be important to find some books that could be used like empty notebooks or something. There might be other objects that he would like to use for that purpose as well., Obviously this is a bit unsettling, but also very interesting. Will anyone's diary do? Does it have to be private, or would something like a memoir / autobiography attract his interest? The pseudo-psychologist in me is curious about whether it is the expression of inner-most thoughts / secrets that appeals to him, because he may have difficulty expressing himself, and loves the feeling of obtaining something that represents the unfiltered, unadulterated thoughts of someone neuro-typical., I think just getting him to learn this is something to do in private is the most important part. There is no shame in having sexual desire at 19 as we all have them. People sell old diaries online, maybe buy a few and see what happens., His school is probably the best resource, theyve seen this a million times, I’d work with staff at school to come up with a social story! Social stories are great for addressing issues like this without shame. It’s okay for him to have an odd fetish, not okay to violate other’s boundaries with it., What is a professional gonna do other than drug him and condition him?, I think my parents are also unsure about what to do because unlike us, they can't just explain to him what he's feeling, he won't understand, but they do try to tell him that when he feels like this he should do it in his room and "diary time" is only in private and not in public. They are also trying to teach him things like personal space etc. But he'll do anything to try to get his hands on one when he sees one., He likes empty ones too and even dictionaries or anything that looks like a small book, i think it's just the feeling turning the pages he likes? I'm not sure..
My brother was just diagnosed… now what ?	Hi everyone ! My younger brother (29m)who I am extremely close to has always been socially awkward and a little anger impulsive but we, after consulting with several doctors, always believed it to be ADHD ( for which he took medication for). He keeps a job (3x a week) and has creative interests. He lives with our parents and has a dog that he takes very good care of. He suffers from anxiety and depression (which in recent years has gotten a lot better aka he is no longer mentioning suicide/ self hatred spiraling (verbal) — I believe the dog has alot to do with his improvement. A new therapist recently told him that he should get screened for autism. Which he did and it concluded that he was indeed on the spectrum. Very high functioning autism. My question is how do I help him ? My husband and I make a very comfortable living and before we got married we agreed that if anything should happen to my parents, we would be his “caretakers.” I am fortunate and have a husband who loves my brother and they are also very close. Although I recognize that the source, as my brother describes it, of a lot of his depression is being unable to be independent and “successful” and have a large group of friends - I feel like maybe he unfairly compares himself to me and my career. He doesn’t see how talented he is in his own way ( he paints incredibly and is well versed in music and other fine arts). When I am one to one or when it’s just me him and my husband he is such a bright light. He is hilarious, he is incredibly intelligent, teaches me new things about art music pop culture. He is also really sweet and thoughtful.. like he know I love a specific artist and will get me funko pops, or stickers, or tshirts everytime he sees them. He deserves so much more than the life he is currently living. How can I help him take baby steps or figure out ways to help him with his confidence ? Maybe have him make friends/ have a girlfriend. Boost his self confidence. He says he’s “tried” and failed to be “happy” and refuses to join groups and is really hesitant to go to events with my husband or myself. But sometimes when I twist his arm and make him go with my husband to an event, he’ll come back and saw wow what a great time and be beaming. Anyone out there have experience in this ? ( either from being autistic themselves or having a close family member that is?) I love my brother with my entire being and I just want to be as supportive and helpful as I can possibly be. Anyone suggest any subs I should join ? Thanks redditors in advance! Sending you love ❤️	You seem like such a great sister. He’s very lucky to have you! I’m a 32 year old female who was recently diagnosed so I’m still figuring out a lot of thing’s myself but … - Not being able to be independent is a terrible feeling. I know that we shouldn’t compare ourselves to our siblings or others our age, but it’s hard not too. It helps me when my partner doesn’t make me feel like a burden. Like when they include me in more grown up things. Even if it’s something as simple as me helping make the weekend plans, etc. Honestly anything to help me feel like my efforts are seen and valued. It’s hard to want to work more but not be able to. - I would highly encourage his creative side and his special interest. - It’s really hard for me to socialize with people I don’t know. I am talkative when I’m with my partner but I struggle to have even a basic interaction with someone I don’t know. The only thing that “makes me more sociable” is having my partner go with me. I will set in a corner alone and not talk to a soul if I go to something alone. I would keep “going out” with him and hopefully he/y’all will meet new friends. Maybe try to go with him to places where he shines. Like an art studio, etc. I also usually have a good time once I go but getting me out the door is an issue. I have to know well in advance and mentally prepare myself. Rarely can a night out be sprung on me and I’m open to it - There are several other autism groups on here… autistic adults. Spicy autism. Neurodivergent… there is an autism in women group but I’m not sure if there is a male equivalent I would also add: - My autism has “gotten worse” since I learned about it. I am unmasking and for the first time in my life being true to myself. I wouldn’t be surprised if your brother does the same - Meltdowns… research them as much as you can - Mentally it’s been a lot for me. I am relieved to know the “why” but it’s still a lot to process. - The main thing is to educate your self as much as possible and you’re already doing a good job of that, This is super insightful. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You sound like you have a beautiful heart. I try to give him responsibilities here and there. He LOVES sporting events so he was in charge of organizing the party for the event- my husband and I helped with paying for all the catering but he did all the decorating, got balloons, and all the beer! The house looked amazing, I was so proud of him ! What have you done to find friends/ find your partner? I think being lonely is really eating at him., Thank you so much! ☺️ That sounds like a wonderful task for him! I’m glad he excelled at it. I would just try to keep finding things he’s good at like that to help build his confidence. Finding a partner, especially a healthy one has been hard for me. I really don’t think anyone would be interested in me at all based off of a quick interaction. I was friends with my partner for months before we even got to meet in person. We were long distance and met in an online gratitude group. The long distance and basically “falling in love over the phone” was a huge plus for us. I am so much better at texting than I could ever be at actually talking… I met my exes through mutual friends though. I kind of knew all of them before I started dating them… I think it’s really hard to meet new people without masking. Being lonely sucks so bad and I wish I had better advice. I can only suggest he join online groups (which I know can be dangerous) or that you play the “wingman” role and go out with him to places he may could meet someone., You seem like such a great sister. He’s very lucky to have you! I’m a 32 year old female who was recently diagnosed so I’m still figuring out a lot of thing’s myself but … - Not being able to be independent is a terrible feeling. I know that we shouldn’t compare ourselves to our siblings or others our age, but it’s hard not too. It helps me when my partner doesn’t make me feel like a burden. Like when they include me in more grown up things. Even if it’s something as simple as me helping make the weekend plans, etc. Honestly anything to help me feel like my efforts are seen and valued. It’s hard to want to work more but not be able to. - I would highly encourage his creative side and his special interest. - It’s really hard for me to socialize with people I don’t know. I am talkative when I’m with my partner but I struggle to have even a basic interaction with someone I don’t know. The only thing that “makes me more sociable” is having my partner go with me. I will set in a corner alone and not talk to a soul if I go to something alone. I would keep “going out” with him and hopefully he/y’all will meet new friends. Maybe try to go with him to places where he shines. Like an art studio, etc. I also usually have a good time once I go but getting me out the door is an issue. I have to know well in advance and mentally prepare myself. Rarely can a night out be sprung on me and I’m open to it - There are several other autism groups on here… autistic adults. Spicy autism. Neurodivergent… there is an autism in women group but I’m not sure if there is a male equivalent I would also add: - My autism has “gotten worse” since I learned about it. I am unmasking and for the first time in my life being true to myself. I wouldn’t be surprised if your brother does the same - Meltdowns… research them as much as you can - Mentally it’s been a lot for me. I am relieved to know the “why” but it’s still a lot to process. - The main thing is to educate your self as much as possible and you’re already doing a good job of that, This is super insightful. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You sound like you have a beautiful heart. I try to give him responsibilities here and there. He LOVES sporting events so he was in charge of organizing the party for the event- my husband and I helped with paying for all the catering but he did all the decorating, got balloons, and all the beer! The house looked amazing, I was so proud of him ! What have you done to find friends/ find your partner? I think being lonely is really eating at him., Thank you so much! ☺️ That sounds like a wonderful task for him! I’m glad he excelled at it. I would just try to keep finding things he’s good at like that to help build his confidence. Finding a partner, especially a healthy one has been hard for me. I really don’t think anyone would be interested in me at all based off of a quick interaction. I was friends with my partner for months before we even got to meet in person. We were long distance and met in an online gratitude group. The long distance and basically “falling in love over the phone” was a huge plus for us. I am so much better at texting than I could ever be at actually talking… I met my exes through mutual friends though. I kind of knew all of them before I started dating them… I think it’s really hard to meet new people without masking. Being lonely sucks so bad and I wish I had better advice. I can only suggest he join online groups (which I know can be dangerous) or that you play the “wingman” role and go out with him to places he may could meet someone., You seem like such a great sister. He’s very lucky to have you! I’m a 32 year old female who was recently diagnosed so I’m still figuring out a lot of thing’s myself but … - Not being able to be independent is a terrible feeling. I know that we shouldn’t compare ourselves to our siblings or others our age, but it’s hard not too. It helps me when my partner doesn’t make me feel like a burden. Like when they include me in more grown up things. Even if it’s something as simple as me helping make the weekend plans, etc. Honestly anything to help me feel like my efforts are seen and valued. It’s hard to want to work more but not be able to. - I would highly encourage his creative side and his special interest. - It’s really hard for me to socialize with people I don’t know. I am talkative when I’m with my partner but I struggle to have even a basic interaction with someone I don’t know. The only thing that “makes me more sociable” is having my partner go with me. I will set in a corner alone and not talk to a soul if I go to something alone. I would keep “going out” with him and hopefully he/y’all will meet new friends. Maybe try to go with him to places where he shines. Like an art studio, etc. I also usually have a good time once I go but getting me out the door is an issue. I have to know well in advance and mentally prepare myself. Rarely can a night out be sprung on me and I’m open to it - There are several other autism groups on here… autistic adults. Spicy autism. Neurodivergent… there is an autism in women group but I’m not sure if there is a male equivalent I would also add: - My autism has “gotten worse” since I learned about it. I am unmasking and for the first time in my life being true to myself. I wouldn’t be surprised if your brother does the same - Meltdowns… research them as much as you can - Mentally it’s been a lot for me. I am relieved to know the “why” but it’s still a lot to process. - The main thing is to educate your self as much as possible and you’re already doing a good job of that, This is super insightful. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You sound like you have a beautiful heart. I try to give him responsibilities here and there. He LOVES sporting events so he was in charge of organizing the party for the event- my husband and I helped with paying for all the catering but he did all the decorating, got balloons, and all the beer! The house looked amazing, I was so proud of him ! What have you done to find friends/ find your partner? I think being lonely is really eating at him., Thank you so much! ☺️ That sounds like a wonderful task for him! I’m glad he excelled at it. I would just try to keep finding things he’s good at like that to help build his confidence. Finding a partner, especially a healthy one has been hard for me. I really don’t think anyone would be interested in me at all based off of a quick interaction. I was friends with my partner for months before we even got to meet in person. We were long distance and met in an online gratitude group. The long distance and basically “falling in love over the phone” was a huge plus for us. I am so much better at texting than I could ever be at actually talking… I met my exes through mutual friends though. I kind of knew all of them before I started dating them… I think it’s really hard to meet new people without masking. Being lonely sucks so bad and I wish I had better advice. I can only suggest he join online groups (which I know can be dangerous) or that you play the “wingman” role and go out with him to places he may could meet someone., You seem like such a great sister. He’s very lucky to have you! I’m a 32 year old female who was recently diagnosed so I’m still figuring out a lot of thing’s myself but … - Not being able to be independent is a terrible feeling. I know that we shouldn’t compare ourselves to our siblings or others our age, but it’s hard not too. It helps me when my partner doesn’t make me feel like a burden. Like when they include me in more grown up things. Even if it’s something as simple as me helping make the weekend plans, etc. Honestly anything to help me feel like my efforts are seen and valued. It’s hard to want to work more but not be able to. - I would highly encourage his creative side and his special interest. - It’s really hard for me to socialize with people I don’t know. I am talkative when I’m with my partner but I struggle to have even a basic interaction with someone I don’t know. The only thing that “makes me more sociable” is having my partner go with me. I will set in a corner alone and not talk to a soul if I go to something alone. I would keep “going out” with him and hopefully he/y’all will meet new friends. Maybe try to go with him to places where he shines. Like an art studio, etc. I also usually have a good time once I go but getting me out the door is an issue. I have to know well in advance and mentally prepare myself. Rarely can a night out be sprung on me and I’m open to it - There are several other autism groups on here… autistic adults. Spicy autism. Neurodivergent… there is an autism in women group but I’m not sure if there is a male equivalent I would also add: - My autism has “gotten worse” since I learned about it. I am unmasking and for the first time in my life being true to myself. I wouldn’t be surprised if your brother does the same - Meltdowns… research them as much as you can - Mentally it’s been a lot for me. I am relieved to know the “why” but it’s still a lot to process. - The main thing is to educate your self as much as possible and you’re already doing a good job of that, This is super insightful. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You sound like you have a beautiful heart. I try to give him responsibilities here and there. He LOVES sporting events so he was in charge of organizing the party for the event- my husband and I helped with paying for all the catering but he did all the decorating, got balloons, and all the beer! The house looked amazing, I was so proud of him ! What have you done to find friends/ find your partner? I think being lonely is really eating at him., Thank you so much! ☺️ That sounds like a wonderful task for him! I’m glad he excelled at it. I would just try to keep finding things he’s good at like that to help build his confidence. Finding a partner, especially a healthy one has been hard for me. I really don’t think anyone would be interested in me at all based off of a quick interaction. I was friends with my partner for months before we even got to meet in person. We were long distance and met in an online gratitude group. The long distance and basically “falling in love over the phone” was a huge plus for us. I am so much better at texting than I could ever be at actually talking… I met my exes through mutual friends though. I kind of knew all of them before I started dating them… I think it’s really hard to meet new people without masking. Being lonely sucks so bad and I wish I had better advice. I can only suggest he join online groups (which I know can be dangerous) or that you play the “wingman” role and go out with him to places he may could meet someone., You seem like such a great sister. He’s very lucky to have you! I’m a 32 year old female who was recently diagnosed so I’m still figuring out a lot of thing’s myself but … - Not being able to be independent is a terrible feeling. I know that we shouldn’t compare ourselves to our siblings or others our age, but it’s hard not too. It helps me when my partner doesn’t make me feel like a burden. Like when they include me in more grown up things. Even if it’s something as simple as me helping make the weekend plans, etc. Honestly anything to help me feel like my efforts are seen and valued. It’s hard to want to work more but not be able to. - I would highly encourage his creative side and his special interest. - It’s really hard for me to socialize with people I don’t know. I am talkative when I’m with my partner but I struggle to have even a basic interaction with someone I don’t know. The only thing that “makes me more sociable” is having my partner go with me. I will set in a corner alone and not talk to a soul if I go to something alone. I would keep “going out” with him and hopefully he/y’all will meet new friends. Maybe try to go with him to places where he shines. Like an art studio, etc. I also usually have a good time once I go but getting me out the door is an issue. I have to know well in advance and mentally prepare myself. Rarely can a night out be sprung on me and I’m open to it - There are several other autism groups on here… autistic adults. Spicy autism. Neurodivergent… there is an autism in women group but I’m not sure if there is a male equivalent I would also add: - My autism has “gotten worse” since I learned about it. I am unmasking and for the first time in my life being true to myself. I wouldn’t be surprised if your brother does the same - Meltdowns… research them as much as you can - Mentally it’s been a lot for me. I am relieved to know the “why” but it’s still a lot to process. - The main thing is to educate your self as much as possible and you’re already doing a good job of that, This is super insightful. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You sound like you have a beautiful heart. I try to give him responsibilities here and there. He LOVES sporting events so he was in charge of organizing the party for the event- my husband and I helped with paying for all the catering but he did all the decorating, got balloons, and all the beer! The house looked amazing, I was so proud of him ! What have you done to find friends/ find your partner? I think being lonely is really eating at him., Thank you so much! ☺️ That sounds like a wonderful task for him! I’m glad he excelled at it. I would just try to keep finding things he’s good at like that to help build his confidence. Finding a partner, especially a healthy one has been hard for me. I really don’t think anyone would be interested in me at all based off of a quick interaction. I was friends with my partner for months before we even got to meet in person. We were long distance and met in an online gratitude group. The long distance and basically “falling in love over the phone” was a huge plus for us. I am so much better at texting than I could ever be at actually talking… I met my exes through mutual friends though. I kind of knew all of them before I started dating them… I think it’s really hard to meet new people without masking. Being lonely sucks so bad and I wish I had better advice. I can only suggest he join online groups (which I know can be dangerous) or that you play the “wingman” role and go out with him to places he may could meet someone., You seem like such a great sister. He’s very lucky to have you! I’m a 32 year old female who was recently diagnosed so I’m still figuring out a lot of thing’s myself but … - Not being able to be independent is a terrible feeling. I know that we shouldn’t compare ourselves to our siblings or others our age, but it’s hard not too. It helps me when my partner doesn’t make me feel like a burden. Like when they include me in more grown up things. Even if it’s something as simple as me helping make the weekend plans, etc. Honestly anything to help me feel like my efforts are seen and valued. It’s hard to want to work more but not be able to. - I would highly encourage his creative side and his special interest. - It’s really hard for me to socialize with people I don’t know. I am talkative when I’m with my partner but I struggle to have even a basic interaction with someone I don’t know. The only thing that “makes me more sociable” is having my partner go with me. I will set in a corner alone and not talk to a soul if I go to something alone. I would keep “going out” with him and hopefully he/y’all will meet new friends. Maybe try to go with him to places where he shines. Like an art studio, etc. I also usually have a good time once I go but getting me out the door is an issue. I have to know well in advance and mentally prepare myself. Rarely can a night out be sprung on me and I’m open to it - There are several other autism groups on here… autistic adults. Spicy autism. Neurodivergent… there is an autism in women group but I’m not sure if there is a male equivalent I would also add: - My autism has “gotten worse” since I learned about it. I am unmasking and for the first time in my life being true to myself. I wouldn’t be surprised if your brother does the same - Meltdowns… research them as much as you can - Mentally it’s been a lot for me. I am relieved to know the “why” but it’s still a lot to process. - The main thing is to educate your self as much as possible and you’re already doing a good job of that, This is super insightful. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You sound like you have a beautiful heart. I try to give him responsibilities here and there. He LOVES sporting events so he was in charge of organizing the party for the event- my husband and I helped with paying for all the catering but he did all the decorating, got balloons, and all the beer! The house looked amazing, I was so proud of him ! What have you done to find friends/ find your partner? I think being lonely is really eating at him., Thank you so much! ☺️ That sounds like a wonderful task for him! I’m glad he excelled at it. I would just try to keep finding things he’s good at like that to help build his confidence. Finding a partner, especially a healthy one has been hard for me. I really don’t think anyone would be interested in me at all based off of a quick interaction. I was friends with my partner for months before we even got to meet in person. We were long distance and met in an online gratitude group. The long distance and basically “falling in love over the phone” was a huge plus for us. I am so much better at texting than I could ever be at actually talking… I met my exes through mutual friends though. I kind of knew all of them before I started dating them… I think it’s really hard to meet new people without masking. Being lonely sucks so bad and I wish I had better advice. I can only suggest he join online groups (which I know can be dangerous) or that you play the “wingman” role and go out with him to places he may could meet someone., You seem like such a great sister. He’s very lucky to have you! I’m a 32 year old female who was recently diagnosed so I’m still figuring out a lot of thing’s myself but … - Not being able to be independent is a terrible feeling. I know that we shouldn’t compare ourselves to our siblings or others our age, but it’s hard not too. It helps me when my partner doesn’t make me feel like a burden. Like when they include me in more grown up things. Even if it’s something as simple as me helping make the weekend plans, etc. Honestly anything to help me feel like my efforts are seen and valued. It’s hard to want to work more but not be able to. - I would highly encourage his creative side and his special interest. - It’s really hard for me to socialize with people I don’t know. I am talkative when I’m with my partner but I struggle to have even a basic interaction with someone I don’t know. The only thing that “makes me more sociable” is having my partner go with me. I will set in a corner alone and not talk to a soul if I go to something alone. I would keep “going out” with him and hopefully he/y’all will meet new friends. Maybe try to go with him to places where he shines. Like an art studio, etc. I also usually have a good time once I go but getting me out the door is an issue. I have to know well in advance and mentally prepare myself. Rarely can a night out be sprung on me and I’m open to it - There are several other autism groups on here… autistic adults. Spicy autism. Neurodivergent… there is an autism in women group but I’m not sure if there is a male equivalent I would also add: - My autism has “gotten worse” since I learned about it. I am unmasking and for the first time in my life being true to myself. I wouldn’t be surprised if your brother does the same - Meltdowns… research them as much as you can - Mentally it’s been a lot for me. I am relieved to know the “why” but it’s still a lot to process. - The main thing is to educate your self as much as possible and you’re already doing a good job of that, This is super insightful. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You sound like you have a beautiful heart. I try to give him responsibilities here and there. He LOVES sporting events so he was in charge of organizing the party for the event- my husband and I helped with paying for all the catering but he did all the decorating, got balloons, and all the beer! The house looked amazing, I was so proud of him ! What have you done to find friends/ find your partner? I think being lonely is really eating at him., Thank you so much! ☺️ That sounds like a wonderful task for him! I’m glad he excelled at it. I would just try to keep finding things he’s good at like that to help build his confidence. Finding a partner, especially a healthy one has been hard for me. I really don’t think anyone would be interested in me at all based off of a quick interaction. I was friends with my partner for months before we even got to meet in person. We were long distance and met in an online gratitude group. The long distance and basically “falling in love over the phone” was a huge plus for us. I am so much better at texting than I could ever be at actually talking… I met my exes through mutual friends though. I kind of knew all of them before I started dating them… I think it’s really hard to meet new people without masking. Being lonely sucks so bad and I wish I had better advice. I can only suggest he join online groups (which I know can be dangerous) or that you play the “wingman” role and go out with him to places he may could meet someone., You seem like such a great sister. He’s very lucky to have you! I’m a 32 year old female who was recently diagnosed so I’m still figuring out a lot of thing’s myself but … - Not being able to be independent is a terrible feeling. I know that we shouldn’t compare ourselves to our siblings or others our age, but it’s hard not too. It helps me when my partner doesn’t make me feel like a burden. Like when they include me in more grown up things. Even if it’s something as simple as me helping make the weekend plans, etc. Honestly anything to help me feel like my efforts are seen and valued. It’s hard to want to work more but not be able to. - I would highly encourage his creative side and his special interest. - It’s really hard for me to socialize with people I don’t know. I am talkative when I’m with my partner but I struggle to have even a basic interaction with someone I don’t know. The only thing that “makes me more sociable” is having my partner go with me. I will set in a corner alone and not talk to a soul if I go to something alone. I would keep “going out” with him and hopefully he/y’all will meet new friends. Maybe try to go with him to places where he shines. Like an art studio, etc. I also usually have a good time once I go but getting me out the door is an issue. I have to know well in advance and mentally prepare myself. Rarely can a night out be sprung on me and I’m open to it - There are several other autism groups on here… autistic adults. Spicy autism. Neurodivergent… there is an autism in women group but I’m not sure if there is a male equivalent I would also add: - My autism has “gotten worse” since I learned about it. I am unmasking and for the first time in my life being true to myself. I wouldn’t be surprised if your brother does the same - Meltdowns… research them as much as you can - Mentally it’s been a lot for me. I am relieved to know the “why” but it’s still a lot to process. - The main thing is to educate your self as much as possible and you’re already doing a good job of that, This is super insightful. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You sound like you have a beautiful heart. I try to give him responsibilities here and there. He LOVES sporting events so he was in charge of organizing the party for the event- my husband and I helped with paying for all the catering but he did all the decorating, got balloons, and all the beer! The house looked amazing, I was so proud of him ! What have you done to find friends/ find your partner? I think being lonely is really eating at him., Thank you so much! ☺️ That sounds like a wonderful task for him! I’m glad he excelled at it. I would just try to keep finding things he’s good at like that to help build his confidence. Finding a partner, especially a healthy one has been hard for me. I really don’t think anyone would be interested in me at all based off of a quick interaction. I was friends with my partner for months before we even got to meet in person. We were long distance and met in an online gratitude group. The long distance and basically “falling in love over the phone” was a huge plus for us. I am so much better at texting than I could ever be at actually talking… I met my exes through mutual friends though. I kind of knew all of them before I started dating them… I think it’s really hard to meet new people without masking. Being lonely sucks so bad and I wish I had better advice. I can only suggest he join online groups (which I know can be dangerous) or that you play the “wingman” role and go out with him to places he may could meet someone., You seem like such a great sister. He’s very lucky to have you! I’m a 32 year old female who was recently diagnosed so I’m still figuring out a lot of thing’s myself but … - Not being able to be independent is a terrible feeling. I know that we shouldn’t compare ourselves to our siblings or others our age, but it’s hard not too. It helps me when my partner doesn’t make me feel like a burden. Like when they include me in more grown up things. Even if it’s something as simple as me helping make the weekend plans, etc. Honestly anything to help me feel like my efforts are seen and valued. It’s hard to want to work more but not be able to. - I would highly encourage his creative side and his special interest. - It’s really hard for me to socialize with people I don’t know. I am talkative when I’m with my partner but I struggle to have even a basic interaction with someone I don’t know. The only thing that “makes me more sociable” is having my partner go with me. I will set in a corner alone and not talk to a soul if I go to something alone. I would keep “going out” with him and hopefully he/y’all will meet new friends. Maybe try to go with him to places where he shines. Like an art studio, etc. I also usually have a good time once I go but getting me out the door is an issue. I have to know well in advance and mentally prepare myself. Rarely can a night out be sprung on me and I’m open to it - There are several other autism groups on here… autistic adults. Spicy autism. Neurodivergent… there is an autism in women group but I’m not sure if there is a male equivalent I would also add: - My autism has “gotten worse” since I learned about it. I am unmasking and for the first time in my life being true to myself. I wouldn’t be surprised if your brother does the same - Meltdowns… research them as much as you can - Mentally it’s been a lot for me. I am relieved to know the “why” but it’s still a lot to process. - The main thing is to educate your self as much as possible and you’re already doing a good job of that, This is super insightful. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You sound like you have a beautiful heart. I try to give him responsibilities here and there. He LOVES sporting events so he was in charge of organizing the party for the event- my husband and I helped with paying for all the catering but he did all the decorating, got balloons, and all the beer! The house looked amazing, I was so proud of him ! What have you done to find friends/ find your partner? I think being lonely is really eating at him., Thank you so much! ☺️ That sounds like a wonderful task for him! I’m glad he excelled at it. I would just try to keep finding things he’s good at like that to help build his confidence. Finding a partner, especially a healthy one has been hard for me. I really don’t think anyone would be interested in me at all based off of a quick interaction. I was friends with my partner for months before we even got to meet in person. We were long distance and met in an online gratitude group. The long distance and basically “falling in love over the phone” was a huge plus for us. I am so much better at texting than I could ever be at actually talking… I met my exes through mutual friends though. I kind of knew all of them before I started dating them… I think it’s really hard to meet new people without masking. Being lonely sucks so bad and I wish I had better advice. I can only suggest he join online groups (which I know can be dangerous) or that you play the “wingman” role and go out with him to places he may could meet someone.
My daugher was diagnosed but now feels sad...	(posted in r/autism) She feels sad about a certain aspect of her diagnosis. How can I support her and talk to her about it please? It says "Low Average level of intellectual functioning for age (FSIQ = 84. 14th percentile) with a verbal comprehension strength and a perceptual reasoning weakness." Can someone please explain this? She is warm and funny and loving and she now feels sad (and i feel sad for her sadness). She already had such low self esteem and this is breaking my heart. Edit: I am humbled by all of your responses to this situation. Amazing community! The amount of compassion, time and knowledge, both academic and anecdotal is incredible to read and will serve us well in future discussions. Thankyou one and all for teaching me about different types of intelligence and the severe limitations of this particular type of test and your stories of hope and courage and success in your lives! All the best.	IQ tests are typically unreliable with neurodivergent people., Info: Age? Also, why did she read the whole report before you had time to read it yourself and prepare the proper supports? Being told your IQ is well below normal would be really difficult to hear for anyone. I'd think a professional should know how to deliver that news in a useful and compassionate way, and give context for what that actually means for her life., IQ tests are designed to predict success in academics and not much else. How has she done in school? Also if there’s a lot of fluctuations between different areas of her testing the full scale IQ shouldn’t be used. This is according to our neuropsychologist for my daughter. I believe she said if there was more than a 20 point variance between areas that the FSIQ was invalid., People generally do not bring up IQ scores. I would remind my child that. It’s really an unnecessary piece of information. In an autism assessment the IQ is often used to see if there are stratified skills. It’s common to be really good at one thing and really horrible at another. This is used as evidence for autism. IQ is genetic. Knowing strength and weaknesses allows the individual to plan for support in areas of weakness and play to their strengths., At 17, nearly 18, it was entirely appropriate for her to have read her medical reports. Obviously, a heads-up would be great, but ultimately, she didn't need either parent to have access to the report. No one wants to read their weaknesses in black and white. But IQ is not a static figure that can not be improved upon. I would encourage her to use this as an instrument to encourage her to use this as a tool for motivating her to improve on her educational achievements, given you said she had dropped out, use this as a tool for a positive change. This would also help her to access a better future with more opportunities and further opportunities to build upon her IQ. My personal experience is that if you can show your child how intelligent they are, for example with a review or a different assessment of her IQ if she does make changes, that can boost far more than any platitude that can be proferred., I wouldn't pay attention to her IQ score and focus on her strengths. My son got an 80 on his IQ test as overall and I am not worried about it and never told him his IQ score because why would I want to hurt his self esteem and what would tell him accomplish? He likes video games and is very creative and can make his own levels online and he wants to be a game designer. He is motivated to do his school work to be a game designer. He refuses to learn anything if he doesn't see it important so that might affect IQ score. He learned to read when he wanted to play video games and me and my husband kept telling him he needed to learn to read because we are not reading everything in video games for him. He saw the reason to learn to read so he started learning when before he refused to learn and was pretending to not get it and pretending it was too hard to comprehend to learn sounds and put them together. Then all of a sudden he could do it when it came to video games, problem solved. I would tell your daughter that she shouldn't use her IQ score to limit herself to what she wants to do in life. She should focus on what she can do and what her strengths are. It sucks she somehow got a hold of her tests to see her scores., I met an adult who is an SLP who has/had this profile. Get her speech therapy but she can still do well., 70 means nothing... if she is 17, can have an independent life and main point HAPPY with a HAPPY family around herself that is what matters. PS : father of a 70 iq, ASD ... I will not change my son's smile for anything, Please know that what IQ tests are meant for and what people assume they mean are two different things. IQ tests DO NOT measure intelligence. IQ tests are meant for identifying additional needs. A high score does not necessarily mean a person is intelligent. A low score does not mean a person is not smart. A low score just signifies holes in the child’s learning that needs additional support to reach proficiency. source, my adolescent psych professor who absolutely despised the misuse of IQ tests., There are so many forms of intelligence and intelligence test don’t go over all of them. Sounds like she’s funny- have to be smart to be able to do that. Warm and loving- emotional intelligence., That test was not designed for someone on the spectrum. My son tested with an IQ of 48 but he’s also the same kid that taught himself to navigate a computer and tells the funniest jokes and take himself to the bathroom. We had those “results” thrown out of his IEP because it’s bull poop, IQ tests only take a snapshot of certain capabilities at a certain time. If you would train yourself solving those tests you can get higher IQ scores. Or your IQ can drop when you're tired or depressed. I was really really bad with science stuff and thought I'm too dumb. Decades later I got interested and developed an understanding that I didn't knew I was capable of. Eventually, every person can learn anything they want to. It's a matter of practice and time., Ok thank you, 100% this. My husband's IQ test as a teen was 100 (so exactly average) but that was because he tested off the charts in both directions (what he was good at he was GREAT at. What he was bad at he was TERRIBLE at). They're definitely not a good barometer for the ND (or really, most people, but that's here nor there), Yes this. I used to be sad my daughter tested lower then I thought she should but it means nothing really. Also I wonder how gender plays a role as well., Yes. IQ tests are pointless and discriminatory. Just another way of trying to put a square peg in a round hole., She's 17 and lives with her mother. I don't know how she has the report and what was in place before she got acess to it as i do not speak to her mother. I just want to support her now that she has read it but want to understand it more fully., Given that the child has already read it, shaming OP is not helpful. OP, I definitely suggest enlisting a professional to help guide through this process. IQ is only one way to measure intelligence, but because it is well -known and quantitative it is no wonder that your kiddo is reeling. I'm sorry., Thank you so much! She has dropped out of school, I don't judge her for this., Good point. I just don't want her to internalise this as a point of shame., I agree that she should have full access to her medical / neuropsychologal records. I also think that "difficult to hear" diagnostic data that was compiled by a professional should be shared compassionately and with context. It sounds like that didn't happen here. Of course, a hospital could send you [insert tough test result here] through an impersonal report. But, they don't tend to do that for a reason! It's really unprofessional and causes undue stress to the patient, in addition to the difficult diagnosis., Thank you, Yep totally agree... Her humour is the big tell to me. She's dry and dark which is my fave kind and adores her rabbit (i also made the cut when she peeled off a list of things she loves), Thank you very much! This will be the mid/long game i think. Right now i just don't want her to spiral., 100% When Einstein was young he was nonverbal, and some thought he was intellectually disabled. Your child is not a broken neurotypical person. Your child is a perfectly good autistic person., Einstein flunked out of high school, Got it. Well, I don't have her report in front of me (obviously), but if it were me, here's what I would do: - Admit that her feelings are valid. That's crummy news to hear. - Encourage her to give herself some grace. If certain aspects of life have been hard for her, then it's not a moral failing. Some things ARE harder for her. That's unfair, but hopefully she can forgive herself and realize that it's not her fault.* - Look at the whole report and talk about her as a whole. This report is a guide to understand her strengths and weaknesses, but it isn't her destiny. She should lean into her strengths! - This is a critical time in her life to make goals, and this report (paired with a career counselor or life coach) might be really useful in finding her fit. For example: a lot of success in life is about being honest, trustworthy, dependable, etc. Med school or being a pro-athlete or being a famous actress aren't in the cards for most people. - Remind her that you love her and support her. And that you will be there to support her always., The good part is this report doesn't change who she is. She's still the same person nomatter what the report says., She may also be in autistic shutdown/breakdown, which would highly inhibit her ability to function in a normal school environment. Her functioning at a point in time has nothing to do with her overall ability to function, especially with adequate supports in place to help avoid shutdown., It sounds as though she'd already received the diagnostic feedback of the condition, and the report was the finalising of this process, as would be the norm in the uk, often many weeks later. A medical report is a factual account of the outcomes. There's no way around this. Had she been younger a parent may have redacted certain information, but legally, over 16 at least in thwbuk, she'd be entitled to read this information. I imagine it wasn't the content per se, that's the issue. Rather that it has reinforced her experience to date and has reiterated that in multiple ways she is different to the Ms Average with IQ average of 100. And possibly she'd hoped that she would fall into the supposedly super power camp that is now much televised and forever present on social media., Amazing...thank you so much! I have asked her for a copy of the full report and will try and discuss what I understand with her later today. And i will remind her she is loved (again and again and again...) i think the destiny part is what i most fear her taking on and really want to avoid this. Again your response is so helpful, Yeah i strongly suspect she shuts down in high pressure situations like during the test but I'll try and confirm with her. It's weird and it may be vain of me but i know she's smart. But as others have said there's other forms of intelligence. She's also quite creative at drawing., Adding in, too, OP, here is some good info on IQ tests, and the (non!)Validity of tests like them; https://www.cbsnews.com/news/iq-scores-not-accurate-marker-of-intelligence-study-shows/ https://www.discovermagazine.com/mind/understanding-the-flaws-behind-the-iq-test https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6927908/ Coming from the Education side of the world--as an AuDHDer who went back to college to become a Special Education teacher in my 40's? One of the VERY first thing we learned, in my college Special Education classes, was how LARGELY INVALID IQ tests can be--and typically ARE--especially in the populations of kids we work with in Special Education!!! Because there are Language gaps, Processing gaps, and Information EXPOSURE gaps, which may be huge factors for a person's low score--but which NEVER get accounted for by the test being taken! (For example, A child who can't understand English? They're going to "test out" at the level of someone with a severely low "IQ!!! Buy if you asked them the questions in their home language, they could be above average!) IQ, tests are USED PROPERLY in an Assessment, ONLY to determine if the person is "outside the expected Norm, and by HOW much" That's IT!!! It's ONLY to determine "where would we typically expect this person to be if we met them in a regular setting?" and where/ by how much do they deviate from that expectation? (I.e., the "standard deviations" those tests "measure.") IQ tests--despite their NAME--are NOT any sort of measure of ACTUAL, real-world, intelligence. They are BIASED, A.F.!!! Which is why those of us in Special Education and Psych are supposed to only use them to help determine "how far out of the expected Norm" a person would fall--in order to successfully DIAGNOSE them with a condition such as Autism & ADHD (where we tend to have "Scattershot" skill sets--VERY high in certain areas, "Okay" in some, and surprisingly low in others!😉💖) IQ tests are about as accurate as online "Personalty Tests" and Horoscopes. They can help a person to understand certain things about themselves, and help them to gain insight.... BUT they AREN'T anything you ought to base your life around, or which should be used to determine your future or "destiny," because they're exactly as accurate as those horoscopes & personality tests at explaining the whole person--and not simply "How this person DID, in this incredibly specific environment, on this one particular day, as they faced these particular stressors..." etc!😉💖💝, Once my kids got IEPs to give them modifications with testing and academics, they really started to thrive because they were losing faith in their ability to do things the “regular” way. It’s really important to advocate for your child and also teach them those advocacy skills so they can learn to do it for themselves. My daughter has learned that if she can’t physically do an exercise(pull ups) that she can ask for modifications. She’s done really well in PE without meltdowns because she has become comfortable with asking for those modifications. She has also learned how to email her teachers (beginning in middle school) or reach out to the office staff. Giving her the scripts and practicing with her has helped build her confidence and normalize asking for help., Thank you so much! And i def want to convey that this is not a life sentence although she is likely feeling this. I'll read your links when I'm a little more awake, thanks for sharing your story as well! Appreciated, Adding-- the main reason why we DO still use these awful things to determine the "Norm Deviation"? It's so that we have some idea of where to start, wen it comes to the Learning Supports that person is going to need! I.e., do they need more time for processing, do they need help decoding words, so they can understand the questions, do they struggle with Math, or sequencing, etc... THAT sort of info--simply as a starting point to helping the person get the assistance they need(!), is why we bother Norm-based tests like IQ tests. Their reulsts have ZERO impact on a person's wisdom or learning capacity as a human being!, Yes I'm trying to model this with her, about asking for help...and just being safer in general with people. I don't think she'll be going back to school., Remind her of ALL those things she is incredibly good at!😉💝💖 I'm sure that like those of us who are ADHD, ASD, & AuDHD adults, she's got LOTS of them--and tests never even register that sort of thing💞 I'm GLAD she's got you in her corner, and as someone who grew up knowing I was different than my peers--flunked out of college twice in my early 20's before thinking, "I just don't have what it takes!", and was only diagnosed in my 40's--after going back to college?😉 I am SO glad for her, that she HAS her diagnosis at a young age--so she can GET the supports she needs & deserves--so that she can BE successful and live her BEST life, as she grows up!!! And that it's far less likely, that she will take the self-esteem blows of "Why can't you just....?" & "Why didn't you.....?" that we older, later-diagnosed folks carry, and have to unpack now, after we've discovered that reason "why"😉💖💝, IQ tests are typically unreliable with neurodivergent people., Info: Age? Also, why did she read the whole report before you had time to read it yourself and prepare the proper supports? Being told your IQ is well below normal would be really difficult to hear for anyone. I'd think a professional should know how to deliver that news in a useful and compassionate way, and give context for what that actually means for her life., IQ tests are designed to predict success in academics and not much else. How has she done in school? Also if there’s a lot of fluctuations between different areas of her testing the full scale IQ shouldn’t be used. This is according to our neuropsychologist for my daughter. I believe she said if there was more than a 20 point variance between areas that the FSIQ was invalid., People generally do not bring up IQ scores. I would remind my child that. It’s really an unnecessary piece of information. In an autism assessment the IQ is often used to see if there are stratified skills. It’s common to be really good at one thing and really horrible at another. This is used as evidence for autism. IQ is genetic. Knowing strength and weaknesses allows the individual to plan for support in areas of weakness and play to their strengths., At 17, nearly 18, it was entirely appropriate for her to have read her medical reports. Obviously, a heads-up would be great, but ultimately, she didn't need either parent to have access to the report. No one wants to read their weaknesses in black and white. But IQ is not a static figure that can not be improved upon. I would encourage her to use this as an instrument to encourage her to use this as a tool for motivating her to improve on her educational achievements, given you said she had dropped out, use this as a tool for a positive change. This would also help her to access a better future with more opportunities and further opportunities to build upon her IQ. My personal experience is that if you can show your child how intelligent they are, for example with a review or a different assessment of her IQ if she does make changes, that can boost far more than any platitude that can be proferred., I wouldn't pay attention to her IQ score and focus on her strengths. My son got an 80 on his IQ test as overall and I am not worried about it and never told him his IQ score because why would I want to hurt his self esteem and what would tell him accomplish? He likes video games and is very creative and can make his own levels online and he wants to be a game designer. He is motivated to do his school work to be a game designer. He refuses to learn anything if he doesn't see it important so that might affect IQ score. He learned to read when he wanted to play video games and me and my husband kept telling him he needed to learn to read because we are not reading everything in video games for him. He saw the reason to learn to read so he started learning when before he refused to learn and was pretending to not get it and pretending it was too hard to comprehend to learn sounds and put them together. Then all of a sudden he could do it when it came to video games, problem solved. I would tell your daughter that she shouldn't use her IQ score to limit herself to what she wants to do in life. She should focus on what she can do and what her strengths are. It sucks she somehow got a hold of her tests to see her scores., I met an adult who is an SLP who has/had this profile. Get her speech therapy but she can still do well., 70 means nothing... if she is 17, can have an independent life and main point HAPPY with a HAPPY family around herself that is what matters. PS : father of a 70 iq, ASD ... I will not change my son's smile for anything, Please know that what IQ tests are meant for and what people assume they mean are two different things. IQ tests DO NOT measure intelligence. IQ tests are meant for identifying additional needs. A high score does not necessarily mean a person is intelligent. A low score does not mean a person is not smart. A low score just signifies holes in the child’s learning that needs additional support to reach proficiency. source, my adolescent psych professor who absolutely despised the misuse of IQ tests., There are so many forms of intelligence and intelligence test don’t go over all of them. Sounds like she’s funny- have to be smart to be able to do that. Warm and loving- emotional intelligence., That test was not designed for someone on the spectrum. My son tested with an IQ of 48 but he’s also the same kid that taught himself to navigate a computer and tells the funniest jokes and take himself to the bathroom. We had those “results” thrown out of his IEP because it’s bull poop, IQ tests only take a snapshot of certain capabilities at a certain time. If you would train yourself solving those tests you can get higher IQ scores. Or your IQ can drop when you're tired or depressed. I was really really bad with science stuff and thought I'm too dumb. Decades later I got interested and developed an understanding that I didn't knew I was capable of. Eventually, every person can learn anything they want to. It's a matter of practice and time., Ok thank you, 100% this. My husband's IQ test as a teen was 100 (so exactly average) but that was because he tested off the charts in both directions (what he was good at he was GREAT at. What he was bad at he was TERRIBLE at). They're definitely not a good barometer for the ND (or really, most people, but that's here nor there), Yes this. I used to be sad my daughter tested lower then I thought she should but it means nothing really. Also I wonder how gender plays a role as well., Yes. IQ tests are pointless and discriminatory. Just another way of trying to put a square peg in a round hole., She's 17 and lives with her mother. I don't know how she has the report and what was in place before she got acess to it as i do not speak to her mother. I just want to support her now that she has read it but want to understand it more fully., Given that the child has already read it, shaming OP is not helpful. OP, I definitely suggest enlisting a professional to help guide through this process. IQ is only one way to measure intelligence, but because it is well -known and quantitative it is no wonder that your kiddo is reeling. I'm sorry., Thank you so much! She has dropped out of school, I don't judge her for this., Good point. I just don't want her to internalise this as a point of shame., I agree that she should have full access to her medical / neuropsychologal records. I also think that "difficult to hear" diagnostic data that was compiled by a professional should be shared compassionately and with context. It sounds like that didn't happen here. Of course, a hospital could send you [insert tough test result here] through an impersonal report. But, they don't tend to do that for a reason! It's really unprofessional and causes undue stress to the patient, in addition to the difficult diagnosis., Thank you, Yep totally agree... Her humour is the big tell to me. She's dry and dark which is my fave kind and adores her rabbit (i also made the cut when she peeled off a list of things she loves), Thank you very much! This will be the mid/long game i think. Right now i just don't want her to spiral., 100% When Einstein was young he was nonverbal, and some thought he was intellectually disabled. Your child is not a broken neurotypical person. Your child is a perfectly good autistic person., Einstein flunked out of high school, Got it. Well, I don't have her report in front of me (obviously), but if it were me, here's what I would do: - Admit that her feelings are valid. That's crummy news to hear. - Encourage her to give herself some grace. If certain aspects of life have been hard for her, then it's not a moral failing. Some things ARE harder for her. That's unfair, but hopefully she can forgive herself and realize that it's not her fault.* - Look at the whole report and talk about her as a whole. This report is a guide to understand her strengths and weaknesses, but it isn't her destiny. She should lean into her strengths! - This is a critical time in her life to make goals, and this report (paired with a career counselor or life coach) might be really useful in finding her fit. For example: a lot of success in life is about being honest, trustworthy, dependable, etc. Med school or being a pro-athlete or being a famous actress aren't in the cards for most people. - Remind her that you love her and support her. And that you will be there to support her always., The good part is this report doesn't change who she is. She's still the same person nomatter what the report says., She may also be in autistic shutdown/breakdown, which would highly inhibit her ability to function in a normal school environment. Her functioning at a point in time has nothing to do with her overall ability to function, especially with adequate supports in place to help avoid shutdown., It sounds as though she'd already received the diagnostic feedback of the condition, and the report was the finalising of this process, as would be the norm in the uk, often many weeks later. A medical report is a factual account of the outcomes. There's no way around this. Had she been younger a parent may have redacted certain information, but legally, over 16 at least in thwbuk, she'd be entitled to read this information. I imagine it wasn't the content per se, that's the issue. Rather that it has reinforced her experience to date and has reiterated that in multiple ways she is different to the Ms Average with IQ average of 100. And possibly she'd hoped that she would fall into the supposedly super power camp that is now much televised and forever present on social media., Amazing...thank you so much! I have asked her for a copy of the full report and will try and discuss what I understand with her later today. And i will remind her she is loved (again and again and again...) i think the destiny part is what i most fear her taking on and really want to avoid this. Again your response is so helpful, Yeah i strongly suspect she shuts down in high pressure situations like during the test but I'll try and confirm with her. It's weird and it may be vain of me but i know she's smart. But as others have said there's other forms of intelligence. She's also quite creative at drawing., Adding in, too, OP, here is some good info on IQ tests, and the (non!)Validity of tests like them; https://www.cbsnews.com/news/iq-scores-not-accurate-marker-of-intelligence-study-shows/ https://www.discovermagazine.com/mind/understanding-the-flaws-behind-the-iq-test https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6927908/ Coming from the Education side of the world--as an AuDHDer who went back to college to become a Special Education teacher in my 40's? One of the VERY first thing we learned, in my college Special Education classes, was how LARGELY INVALID IQ tests can be--and typically ARE--especially in the populations of kids we work with in Special Education!!! Because there are Language gaps, Processing gaps, and Information EXPOSURE gaps, which may be huge factors for a person's low score--but which NEVER get accounted for by the test being taken! (For example, A child who can't understand English? They're going to "test out" at the level of someone with a severely low "IQ!!! Buy if you asked them the questions in their home language, they could be above average!) IQ, tests are USED PROPERLY in an Assessment, ONLY to determine if the person is "outside the expected Norm, and by HOW much" That's IT!!! It's ONLY to determine "where would we typically expect this person to be if we met them in a regular setting?" and where/ by how much do they deviate from that expectation? (I.e., the "standard deviations" those tests "measure.") IQ tests--despite their NAME--are NOT any sort of measure of ACTUAL, real-world, intelligence. They are BIASED, A.F.!!! Which is why those of us in Special Education and Psych are supposed to only use them to help determine "how far out of the expected Norm" a person would fall--in order to successfully DIAGNOSE them with a condition such as Autism & ADHD (where we tend to have "Scattershot" skill sets--VERY high in certain areas, "Okay" in some, and surprisingly low in others!😉💖) IQ tests are about as accurate as online "Personalty Tests" and Horoscopes. They can help a person to understand certain things about themselves, and help them to gain insight.... BUT they AREN'T anything you ought to base your life around, or which should be used to determine your future or "destiny," because they're exactly as accurate as those horoscopes & personality tests at explaining the whole person--and not simply "How this person DID, in this incredibly specific environment, on this one particular day, as they faced these particular stressors..." etc!😉💖💝, Once my kids got IEPs to give them modifications with testing and academics, they really started to thrive because they were losing faith in their ability to do things the “regular” way. It’s really important to advocate for your child and also teach them those advocacy skills so they can learn to do it for themselves. My daughter has learned that if she can’t physically do an exercise(pull ups) that she can ask for modifications. She’s done really well in PE without meltdowns because she has become comfortable with asking for those modifications. She has also learned how to email her teachers (beginning in middle school) or reach out to the office staff. Giving her the scripts and practicing with her has helped build her confidence and normalize asking for help., Thank you so much! And i def want to convey that this is not a life sentence although she is likely feeling this. I'll read your links when I'm a little more awake, thanks for sharing your story as well! Appreciated, Adding-- the main reason why we DO still use these awful things to determine the "Norm Deviation"? It's so that we have some idea of where to start, wen it comes to the Learning Supports that person is going to need! I.e., do they need more time for processing, do they need help decoding words, so they can understand the questions, do they struggle with Math, or sequencing, etc... THAT sort of info--simply as a starting point to helping the person get the assistance they need(!), is why we bother Norm-based tests like IQ tests. Their reulsts have ZERO impact on a person's wisdom or learning capacity as a human being!, Yes I'm trying to model this with her, about asking for help...and just being safer in general with people. I don't think she'll be going back to school., Remind her of ALL those things she is incredibly good at!😉💝💖 I'm sure that like those of us who are ADHD, ASD, & AuDHD adults, she's got LOTS of them--and tests never even register that sort of thing💞 I'm GLAD she's got you in her corner, and as someone who grew up knowing I was different than my peers--flunked out of college twice in my early 20's before thinking, "I just don't have what it takes!", and was only diagnosed in my 40's--after going back to college?😉 I am SO glad for her, that she HAS her diagnosis at a young age--so she can GET the supports she needs & deserves--so that she can BE successful and live her BEST life, as she grows up!!! And that it's far less likely, that she will take the self-esteem blows of "Why can't you just....?" & "Why didn't you.....?" that we older, later-diagnosed folks carry, and have to unpack now, after we've discovered that reason "why"😉💖💝, IQ tests are typically unreliable with neurodivergent people., Info: Age? Also, why did she read the whole report before you had time to read it yourself and prepare the proper supports? Being told your IQ is well below normal would be really difficult to hear for anyone. I'd think a professional should know how to deliver that news in a useful and compassionate way, and give context for what that actually means for her life., IQ tests are designed to predict success in academics and not much else. How has she done in school? Also if there’s a lot of fluctuations between different areas of her testing the full scale IQ shouldn’t be used. This is according to our neuropsychologist for my daughter. I believe she said if there was more than a 20 point variance between areas that the FSIQ was invalid., People generally do not bring up IQ scores. I would remind my child that. It’s really an unnecessary piece of information. In an autism assessment the IQ is often used to see if there are stratified skills. It’s common to be really good at one thing and really horrible at another. This is used as evidence for autism. IQ is genetic. Knowing strength and weaknesses allows the individual to plan for support in areas of weakness and play to their strengths., At 17, nearly 18, it was entirely appropriate for her to have read her medical reports. Obviously, a heads-up would be great, but ultimately, she didn't need either parent to have access to the report. No one wants to read their weaknesses in black and white. But IQ is not a static figure that can not be improved upon. I would encourage her to use this as an instrument to encourage her to use this as a tool for motivating her to improve on her educational achievements, given you said she had dropped out, use this as a tool for a positive change. This would also help her to access a better future with more opportunities and further opportunities to build upon her IQ. My personal experience is that if you can show your child how intelligent they are, for example with a review or a different assessment of her IQ if she does make changes, that can boost far more than any platitude that can be proferred., I wouldn't pay attention to her IQ score and focus on her strengths. My son got an 80 on his IQ test as overall and I am not worried about it and never told him his IQ score because why would I want to hurt his self esteem and what would tell him accomplish? He likes video games and is very creative and can make his own levels online and he wants to be a game designer. He is motivated to do his school work to be a game designer. He refuses to learn anything if he doesn't see it important so that might affect IQ score. He learned to read when he wanted to play video games and me and my husband kept telling him he needed to learn to read because we are not reading everything in video games for him. He saw the reason to learn to read so he started learning when before he refused to learn and was pretending to not get it and pretending it was too hard to comprehend to learn sounds and put them together. Then all of a sudden he could do it when it came to video games, problem solved. I would tell your daughter that she shouldn't use her IQ score to limit herself to what she wants to do in life. She should focus on what she can do and what her strengths are. It sucks she somehow got a hold of her tests to see her scores., I met an adult who is an SLP who has/had this profile. Get her speech therapy but she can still do well., 70 means nothing... if she is 17, can have an independent life and main point HAPPY with a HAPPY family around herself that is what matters. PS : father of a 70 iq, ASD ... I will not change my son's smile for anything, Please know that what IQ tests are meant for and what people assume they mean are two different things. IQ tests DO NOT measure intelligence. IQ tests are meant for identifying additional needs. A high score does not necessarily mean a person is intelligent. A low score does not mean a person is not smart. A low score just signifies holes in the child’s learning that needs additional support to reach proficiency. source, my adolescent psych professor who absolutely despised the misuse of IQ tests., There are so many forms of intelligence and intelligence test don’t go over all of them. Sounds like she’s funny- have to be smart to be able to do that. Warm and loving- emotional intelligence., That test was not designed for someone on the spectrum. My son tested with an IQ of 48 but he’s also the same kid that taught himself to navigate a computer and tells the funniest jokes and take himself to the bathroom. We had those “results” thrown out of his IEP because it’s bull poop, IQ tests only take a snapshot of certain capabilities at a certain time. If you would train yourself solving those tests you can get higher IQ scores. Or your IQ can drop when you're tired or depressed. I was really really bad with science stuff and thought I'm too dumb. Decades later I got interested and developed an understanding that I didn't knew I was capable of. Eventually, every person can learn anything they want to. It's a matter of practice and time., Ok thank you, 100% this. My husband's IQ test as a teen was 100 (so exactly average) but that was because he tested off the charts in both directions (what he was good at he was GREAT at. What he was bad at he was TERRIBLE at). They're definitely not a good barometer for the ND (or really, most people, but that's here nor there), Yes this. I used to be sad my daughter tested lower then I thought she should but it means nothing really. Also I wonder how gender plays a role as well., Yes. IQ tests are pointless and discriminatory. Just another way of trying to put a square peg in a round hole., She's 17 and lives with her mother. I don't know how she has the report and what was in place before she got acess to it as i do not speak to her mother. I just want to support her now that she has read it but want to understand it more fully., Given that the child has already read it, shaming OP is not helpful. OP, I definitely suggest enlisting a professional to help guide through this process. IQ is only one way to measure intelligence, but because it is well -known and quantitative it is no wonder that your kiddo is reeling. I'm sorry., Thank you so much! She has dropped out of school, I don't judge her for this., Good point. I just don't want her to internalise this as a point of shame., I agree that she should have full access to her medical / neuropsychologal records. I also think that "difficult to hear" diagnostic data that was compiled by a professional should be shared compassionately and with context. It sounds like that didn't happen here. Of course, a hospital could send you [insert tough test result here] through an impersonal report. But, they don't tend to do that for a reason! It's really unprofessional and causes undue stress to the patient, in addition to the difficult diagnosis., Thank you, Yep totally agree... Her humour is the big tell to me. She's dry and dark which is my fave kind and adores her rabbit (i also made the cut when she peeled off a list of things she loves), Thank you very much! This will be the mid/long game i think. Right now i just don't want her to spiral., 100% When Einstein was young he was nonverbal, and some thought he was intellectually disabled. Your child is not a broken neurotypical person. Your child is a perfectly good autistic person., Einstein flunked out of high school, Got it. Well, I don't have her report in front of me (obviously), but if it were me, here's what I would do: - Admit that her feelings are valid. That's crummy news to hear. - Encourage her to give herself some grace. If certain aspects of life have been hard for her, then it's not a moral failing. Some things ARE harder for her. That's unfair, but hopefully she can forgive herself and realize that it's not her fault.* - Look at the whole report and talk about her as a whole. This report is a guide to understand her strengths and weaknesses, but it isn't her destiny. She should lean into her strengths! - This is a critical time in her life to make goals, and this report (paired with a career counselor or life coach) might be really useful in finding her fit. For example: a lot of success in life is about being honest, trustworthy, dependable, etc. Med school or being a pro-athlete or being a famous actress aren't in the cards for most people. - Remind her that you love her and support her. And that you will be there to support her always., The good part is this report doesn't change who she is. She's still the same person nomatter what the report says., She may also be in autistic shutdown/breakdown, which would highly inhibit her ability to function in a normal school environment. Her functioning at a point in time has nothing to do with her overall ability to function, especially with adequate supports in place to help avoid shutdown., It sounds as though she'd already received the diagnostic feedback of the condition, and the report was the finalising of this process, as would be the norm in the uk, often many weeks later. A medical report is a factual account of the outcomes. There's no way around this. Had she been younger a parent may have redacted certain information, but legally, over 16 at least in thwbuk, she'd be entitled to read this information. I imagine it wasn't the content per se, that's the issue. Rather that it has reinforced her experience to date and has reiterated that in multiple ways she is different to the Ms Average with IQ average of 100. And possibly she'd hoped that she would fall into the supposedly super power camp that is now much televised and forever present on social media., Amazing...thank you so much! I have asked her for a copy of the full report and will try and discuss what I understand with her later today. And i will remind her she is loved (again and again and again...) i think the destiny part is what i most fear her taking on and really want to avoid this. Again your response is so helpful, Yeah i strongly suspect she shuts down in high pressure situations like during the test but I'll try and confirm with her. It's weird and it may be vain of me but i know she's smart. But as others have said there's other forms of intelligence. She's also quite creative at drawing., Adding in, too, OP, here is some good info on IQ tests, and the (non!)Validity of tests like them; https://www.cbsnews.com/news/iq-scores-not-accurate-marker-of-intelligence-study-shows/ https://www.discovermagazine.com/mind/understanding-the-flaws-behind-the-iq-test https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6927908/ Coming from the Education side of the world--as an AuDHDer who went back to college to become a Special Education teacher in my 40's? One of the VERY first thing we learned, in my college Special Education classes, was how LARGELY INVALID IQ tests can be--and typically ARE--especially in the populations of kids we work with in Special Education!!! Because there are Language gaps, Processing gaps, and Information EXPOSURE gaps, which may be huge factors for a person's low score--but which NEVER get accounted for by the test being taken! (For example, A child who can't understand English? They're going to "test out" at the level of someone with a severely low "IQ!!! Buy if you asked them the questions in their home language, they could be above average!) IQ, tests are USED PROPERLY in an Assessment, ONLY to determine if the person is "outside the expected Norm, and by HOW much" That's IT!!! It's ONLY to determine "where would we typically expect this person to be if we met them in a regular setting?" and where/ by how much do they deviate from that expectation? (I.e., the "standard deviations" those tests "measure.") IQ tests--despite their NAME--are NOT any sort of measure of ACTUAL, real-world, intelligence. They are BIASED, A.F.!!! Which is why those of us in Special Education and Psych are supposed to only use them to help determine "how far out of the expected Norm" a person would fall--in order to successfully DIAGNOSE them with a condition such as Autism & ADHD (where we tend to have "Scattershot" skill sets--VERY high in certain areas, "Okay" in some, and surprisingly low in others!😉💖) IQ tests are about as accurate as online "Personalty Tests" and Horoscopes. They can help a person to understand certain things about themselves, and help them to gain insight.... BUT they AREN'T anything you ought to base your life around, or which should be used to determine your future or "destiny," because they're exactly as accurate as those horoscopes & personality tests at explaining the whole person--and not simply "How this person DID, in this incredibly specific environment, on this one particular day, as they faced these particular stressors..." etc!😉💖💝, Once my kids got IEPs to give them modifications with testing and academics, they really started to thrive because they were losing faith in their ability to do things the “regular” way. It’s really important to advocate for your child and also teach them those advocacy skills so they can learn to do it for themselves. My daughter has learned that if she can’t physically do an exercise(pull ups) that she can ask for modifications. She’s done really well in PE without meltdowns because she has become comfortable with asking for those modifications. She has also learned how to email her teachers (beginning in middle school) or reach out to the office staff. Giving her the scripts and practicing with her has helped build her confidence and normalize asking for help., Thank you so much! And i def want to convey that this is not a life sentence although she is likely feeling this. I'll read your links when I'm a little more awake, thanks for sharing your story as well! Appreciated, Adding-- the main reason why we DO still use these awful things to determine the "Norm Deviation"? It's so that we have some idea of where to start, wen it comes to the Learning Supports that person is going to need! I.e., do they need more time for processing, do they need help decoding words, so they can understand the questions, do they struggle with Math, or sequencing, etc... THAT sort of info--simply as a starting point to helping the person get the assistance they need(!), is why we bother Norm-based tests like IQ tests. Their reulsts have ZERO impact on a person's wisdom or learning capacity as a human being!, Yes I'm trying to model this with her, about asking for help...and just being safer in general with people. I don't think she'll be going back to school., Remind her of ALL those things she is incredibly good at!😉💝💖 I'm sure that like those of us who are ADHD, ASD, & AuDHD adults, she's got LOTS of them--and tests never even register that sort of thing💞 I'm GLAD she's got you in her corner, and as someone who grew up knowing I was different than my peers--flunked out of college twice in my early 20's before thinking, "I just don't have what it takes!", and was only diagnosed in my 40's--after going back to college?😉 I am SO glad for her, that she HAS her diagnosis at a young age--so she can GET the supports she needs & deserves--so that she can BE successful and live her BEST life, as she grows up!!! And that it's far less likely, that she will take the self-esteem blows of "Why can't you just....?" & "Why didn't you.....?" that we older, later-diagnosed folks carry, and have to unpack now, after we've discovered that reason "why"😉💖💝, IQ tests are typically unreliable with neurodivergent people., Info: Age? Also, why did she read the whole report before you had time to read it yourself and prepare the proper supports? Being told your IQ is well below normal would be really difficult to hear for anyone. I'd think a professional should know how to deliver that news in a useful and compassionate way, and give context for what that actually means for her life., IQ tests are designed to predict success in academics and not much else. How has she done in school? Also if there’s a lot of fluctuations between different areas of her testing the full scale IQ shouldn’t be used. This is according to our neuropsychologist for my daughter. I believe she said if there was more than a 20 point variance between areas that the FSIQ was invalid., People generally do not bring up IQ scores. I would remind my child that. It’s really an unnecessary piece of information. In an autism assessment the IQ is often used to see if there are stratified skills. It’s common to be really good at one thing and really horrible at another. This is used as evidence for autism. IQ is genetic. Knowing strength and weaknesses allows the individual to plan for support in areas of weakness and play to their strengths., At 17, nearly 18, it was entirely appropriate for her to have read her medical reports. Obviously, a heads-up would be great, but ultimately, she didn't need either parent to have access to the report. No one wants to read their weaknesses in black and white. But IQ is not a static figure that can not be improved upon. I would encourage her to use this as an instrument to encourage her to use this as a tool for motivating her to improve on her educational achievements, given you said she had dropped out, use this as a tool for a positive change. This would also help her to access a better future with more opportunities and further opportunities to build upon her IQ. My personal experience is that if you can show your child how intelligent they are, for example with a review or a different assessment of her IQ if she does make changes, that can boost far more than any platitude that can be proferred., I wouldn't pay attention to her IQ score and focus on her strengths. My son got an 80 on his IQ test as overall and I am not worried about it and never told him his IQ score because why would I want to hurt his self esteem and what would tell him accomplish? He likes video games and is very creative and can make his own levels online and he wants to be a game designer. He is motivated to do his school work to be a game designer. He refuses to learn anything if he doesn't see it important so that might affect IQ score. He learned to read when he wanted to play video games and me and my husband kept telling him he needed to learn to read because we are not reading everything in video games for him. He saw the reason to learn to read so he started learning when before he refused to learn and was pretending to not get it and pretending it was too hard to comprehend to learn sounds and put them together. Then all of a sudden he could do it when it came to video games, problem solved. I would tell your daughter that she shouldn't use her IQ score to limit herself to what she wants to do in life. She should focus on what she can do and what her strengths are. It sucks she somehow got a hold of her tests to see her scores., I met an adult who is an SLP who has/had this profile. Get her speech therapy but she can still do well., 70 means nothing... if she is 17, can have an independent life and main point HAPPY with a HAPPY family around herself that is what matters. PS : father of a 70 iq, ASD ... I will not change my son's smile for anything, Please know that what IQ tests are meant for and what people assume they mean are two different things. IQ tests DO NOT measure intelligence. IQ tests are meant for identifying additional needs. A high score does not necessarily mean a person is intelligent. A low score does not mean a person is not smart. A low score just signifies holes in the child’s learning that needs additional support to reach proficiency. source, my adolescent psych professor who absolutely despised the misuse of IQ tests., There are so many forms of intelligence and intelligence test don’t go over all of them. Sounds like she’s funny- have to be smart to be able to do that. Warm and loving- emotional intelligence., That test was not designed for someone on the spectrum. My son tested with an IQ of 48 but he’s also the same kid that taught himself to navigate a computer and tells the funniest jokes and take himself to the bathroom. We had those “results” thrown out of his IEP because it’s bull poop, IQ tests only take a snapshot of certain capabilities at a certain time. If you would train yourself solving those tests you can get higher IQ scores. Or your IQ can drop when you're tired or depressed. I was really really bad with science stuff and thought I'm too dumb. Decades later I got interested and developed an understanding that I didn't knew I was capable of. Eventually, every person can learn anything they want to. It's a matter of practice and time., Ok thank you, 100% this. My husband's IQ test as a teen was 100 (so exactly average) but that was because he tested off the charts in both directions (what he was good at he was GREAT at. What he was bad at he was TERRIBLE at). They're definitely not a good barometer for the ND (or really, most people, but that's here nor there), Yes this. I used to be sad my daughter tested lower then I thought she should but it means nothing really. Also I wonder how gender plays a role as well., Yes. IQ tests are pointless and discriminatory. Just another way of trying to put a square peg in a round hole., She's 17 and lives with her mother. I don't know how she has the report and what was in place before she got acess to it as i do not speak to her mother. I just want to support her now that she has read it but want to understand it more fully., Given that the child has already read it, shaming OP is not helpful. OP, I definitely suggest enlisting a professional to help guide through this process. IQ is only one way to measure intelligence, but because it is well -known and quantitative it is no wonder that your kiddo is reeling. I'm sorry., Thank you so much! She has dropped out of school, I don't judge her for this., Good point. I just don't want her to internalise this as a point of shame., I agree that she should have full access to her medical / neuropsychologal records. I also think that "difficult to hear" diagnostic data that was compiled by a professional should be shared compassionately and with context. It sounds like that didn't happen here. Of course, a hospital could send you [insert tough test result here] through an impersonal report. But, they don't tend to do that for a reason! It's really unprofessional and causes undue stress to the patient, in addition to the difficult diagnosis., Thank you, Yep totally agree... Her humour is the big tell to me. She's dry and dark which is my fave kind and adores her rabbit (i also made the cut when she peeled off a list of things she loves), Thank you very much! This will be the mid/long game i think. Right now i just don't want her to spiral., 100% When Einstein was young he was nonverbal, and some thought he was intellectually disabled. Your child is not a broken neurotypical person. Your child is a perfectly good autistic person., Einstein flunked out of high school, Got it. Well, I don't have her report in front of me (obviously), but if it were me, here's what I would do: - Admit that her feelings are valid. That's crummy news to hear. - Encourage her to give herself some grace. If certain aspects of life have been hard for her, then it's not a moral failing. Some things ARE harder for her. That's unfair, but hopefully she can forgive herself and realize that it's not her fault.* - Look at the whole report and talk about her as a whole. This report is a guide to understand her strengths and weaknesses, but it isn't her destiny. She should lean into her strengths! - This is a critical time in her life to make goals, and this report (paired with a career counselor or life coach) might be really useful in finding her fit. For example: a lot of success in life is about being honest, trustworthy, dependable, etc. Med school or being a pro-athlete or being a famous actress aren't in the cards for most people. - Remind her that you love her and support her. And that you will be there to support her always., The good part is this report doesn't change who she is. She's still the same person nomatter what the report says., She may also be in autistic shutdown/breakdown, which would highly inhibit her ability to function in a normal school environment. Her functioning at a point in time has nothing to do with her overall ability to function, especially with adequate supports in place to help avoid shutdown., It sounds as though she'd already received the diagnostic feedback of the condition, and the report was the finalising of this process, as would be the norm in the uk, often many weeks later. A medical report is a factual account of the outcomes. There's no way around this. Had she been younger a parent may have redacted certain information, but legally, over 16 at least in thwbuk, she'd be entitled to read this information. I imagine it wasn't the content per se, that's the issue. Rather that it has reinforced her experience to date and has reiterated that in multiple ways she is different to the Ms Average with IQ average of 100. And possibly she'd hoped that she would fall into the supposedly super power camp that is now much televised and forever present on social media., Amazing...thank you so much! I have asked her for a copy of the full report and will try and discuss what I understand with her later today. And i will remind her she is loved (again and again and again...) i think the destiny part is what i most fear her taking on and really want to avoid this. Again your response is so helpful, Yeah i strongly suspect she shuts down in high pressure situations like during the test but I'll try and confirm with her. It's weird and it may be vain of me but i know she's smart. But as others have said there's other forms of intelligence. She's also quite creative at drawing., Adding in, too, OP, here is some good info on IQ tests, and the (non!)Validity of tests like them; https://www.cbsnews.com/news/iq-scores-not-accurate-marker-of-intelligence-study-shows/ https://www.discovermagazine.com/mind/understanding-the-flaws-behind-the-iq-test https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6927908/ Coming from the Education side of the world--as an AuDHDer who went back to college to become a Special Education teacher in my 40's? One of the VERY first thing we learned, in my college Special Education classes, was how LARGELY INVALID IQ tests can be--and typically ARE--especially in the populations of kids we work with in Special Education!!! Because there are Language gaps, Processing gaps, and Information EXPOSURE gaps, which may be huge factors for a person's low score--but which NEVER get accounted for by the test being taken! (For example, A child who can't understand English? They're going to "test out" at the level of someone with a severely low "IQ!!! Buy if you asked them the questions in their home language, they could be above average!) IQ, tests are USED PROPERLY in an Assessment, ONLY to determine if the person is "outside the expected Norm, and by HOW much" That's IT!!! It's ONLY to determine "where would we typically expect this person to be if we met them in a regular setting?" and where/ by how much do they deviate from that expectation? (I.e., the "standard deviations" those tests "measure.") IQ tests--despite their NAME--are NOT any sort of measure of ACTUAL, real-world, intelligence. They are BIASED, A.F.!!! Which is why those of us in Special Education and Psych are supposed to only use them to help determine "how far out of the expected Norm" a person would fall--in order to successfully DIAGNOSE them with a condition such as Autism & ADHD (where we tend to have "Scattershot" skill sets--VERY high in certain areas, "Okay" in some, and surprisingly low in others!😉💖) IQ tests are about as accurate as online "Personalty Tests" and Horoscopes. They can help a person to understand certain things about themselves, and help them to gain insight.... BUT they AREN'T anything you ought to base your life around, or which should be used to determine your future or "destiny," because they're exactly as accurate as those horoscopes & personality tests at explaining the whole person--and not simply "How this person DID, in this incredibly specific environment, on this one particular day, as they faced these particular stressors..." etc!😉💖💝, Once my kids got IEPs to give them modifications with testing and academics, they really started to thrive because they were losing faith in their ability to do things the “regular” way. It’s really important to advocate for your child and also teach them those advocacy skills so they can learn to do it for themselves. My daughter has learned that if she can’t physically do an exercise(pull ups) that she can ask for modifications. She’s done really well in PE without meltdowns because she has become comfortable with asking for those modifications. She has also learned how to email her teachers (beginning in middle school) or reach out to the office staff. Giving her the scripts and practicing with her has helped build her confidence and normalize asking for help., Thank you so much! And i def want to convey that this is not a life sentence although she is likely feeling this. I'll read your links when I'm a little more awake, thanks for sharing your story as well! Appreciated, Adding-- the main reason why we DO still use these awful things to determine the "Norm Deviation"? It's so that we have some idea of where to start, wen it comes to the Learning Supports that person is going to need! I.e., do they need more time for processing, do they need help decoding words, so they can understand the questions, do they struggle with Math, or sequencing, etc... THAT sort of info--simply as a starting point to helping the person get the assistance they need(!), is why we bother Norm-based tests like IQ tests. Their reulsts have ZERO impact on a person's wisdom or learning capacity as a human being!, Yes I'm trying to model this with her, about asking for help...and just being safer in general with people. I don't think she'll be going back to school., Remind her of ALL those things she is incredibly good at!😉💝💖 I'm sure that like those of us who are ADHD, ASD, & AuDHD adults, she's got LOTS of them--and tests never even register that sort of thing💞 I'm GLAD she's got you in her corner, and as someone who grew up knowing I was different than my peers--flunked out of college twice in my early 20's before thinking, "I just don't have what it takes!", and was only diagnosed in my 40's--after going back to college?😉 I am SO glad for her, that she HAS her diagnosis at a young age--so she can GET the supports she needs & deserves--so that she can BE successful and live her BEST life, as she grows up!!! And that it's far less likely, that she will take the self-esteem blows of "Why can't you just....?" & "Why didn't you.....?" that we older, later-diagnosed folks carry, and have to unpack now, after we've discovered that reason "why"😉💖💝
My daughter blames her autism on me	My 13yo daughter just unleashed more than 5 years of trauma I (parent) caused feelings on me. She is right about everything. I have been trying for years to get her to talk to me. It started because she saw me crying after my son told me to “shut the hell up”. He has never sworn at me and he also added “let me fucking talk”. She asked me why I was crying and I told her. She told me I always play the victim and her brother yelled at her like that and traumatized her. This opened the floodgates. Her venom and hatred that she has every right to feel brought me to my knees. I feel bad even typing this because this is me playing the victim again. Nothing I said mattered. She accused me of not listening when I was standing there. I don’t know what to do now.	The title of the post doesn’t quite match the description. There must be more to it, If shes right, then apologise and ask her and your son to start going to family therapy together, I don’t have a teenager yet, but isn’t it somewhat normal for all teenagers to blame their parents for basically everything? Not saying there isn‘t an autism issue or a family dynamic issue also at play, but I’d also take into account the teenager being a teenager issue and try to be kind to yourself., How is crying from being disrespected and cussed at by your son playing the victim?, Seems her perception is not accurate. Though SHE may feel it’s that way, does not make it true. I’m autistic and I can for sure tell you that if my son who’s 14 yelled at me, I’d cry also. That doesn’t make you a victim. She thinks your a victim because you express emotions that she does not herself have. She does not know how it feels to be you and you her, but what she did was so very disrespectful and not at all something you should listen too. That anger/ disrespect is very uncalled for and autism or not she knows she hurt you and there needs to be consequences for that. Your not a victim, don’t let her tell you that stuff. She’s a child of 13, she can’t even take care of herself let alone understand any of her feelings or anyone else’s., It sounds more like your children are rude and bullying you and you're accepting the behavior. Even apologizing for it. Just because someone has autism doesn't excuse this bad behavior and it's time for you to be a parent., Listen to your kids? It sounds like you're not hearing them or letting them speak? They're children and don't have the emotional tools yet to express their hurt to you in a constructive way. Therapy should help with that. In the meantime, it's okay to feel hurt by the tone, but what your children might be trying to do (in an unhealthy way, again) is to try and get you to focus on their actual words. Listening is more than just "standing there" and nothing you said mattered because again, she just wanted you to actively acknowledge what she was saying. As others have said: apologize, take accountability, and focus on solutions from this point on. This, of course, has nothing to do with autism. Emotional trauma absolutely does not make an 8 year old child (you said your problems started 5 years ago) suddenly autistic. Please educate yourself and your child on what autism is and what the symptoms are. Autism is underdiagnosed in girls and the signs were merely missed or not connected until she received her diagnosis., You didn't have to say anything though. You just had to listen. For all the yelling she did we don't know from you what she was actually upset about apart from you acting differently to when your son tells you to shut up to when he tells her to shut up. This kind of tells me that you're still not ready to listen so yes, I feel like family therapy will help., She’s 13. She doesn’t have the ability to slow down and rethink how to word her feelings, she feels them all, all at once, and not one is more important than the other. If you were listening, as you say, then either you’re making excuses or using different words to what she’s trying to convey. Listen for real, take it on board. Change behaviours- especially if she’s the scape goat because you feel her brother more fragile, judging from your comment about leaving him til last for family therapy. If you don’t really hear what she is saying, it’ll only get worse as the years go on., Be gentle. I would put effort to read and inform yourself better. Your child will see that as a positive stepping stone x it's hard out there it's not a easy system, Sounds like she is being a teen. Nothing about autism. I'd call it something else., It’s because our feelings as adults have to mitigated through therapy and friends. We are their rock They will throw us through glass stomp on us but we anchor them through the worst storms Listen to her Believe her And work to help her trauma while getting help for yours, Idk if im allowed here at all but im 19 and am hoping to get diagnosed with adhd/autism soon but i just wanted to chime in. my dad and i always fought as a kid and the phrases you used here just really brought me back to that. idk what your relationship with your kids is or your communication skills at all. but when youre a kid, especially an ND one, you want your parent to acknowledge and respond and explain to the things youve said to them. you may have been standing right there, but were you listening to what was being told to you and working to process that and respond in a way that acknowledges what they said? are you actually listening to what theyre saying and what that means? obviously theres a lot more going on and i hope ot gets better, family therapy might not be a bad option if you can., It doesnt sound to me like you are very good at processing your own emotions. I can tell you have internal conflict and there is likely something deeper that you feel intense guilt about that you dont feel safe to acknowledge consciously. You dont seem to be keen to clearing the air with confused comments which is certainly an indicator. My guess is one of two things could be going on with you. A - you could be a narcissistic abuser and you view criticism of yourself as a threat or "trauma", or B - you are the victim of narcissistic abuse and gaslighting in the past, present, or both, and it has emotionally stunted you. Or it could be C - All of the Above., Teenagers are just cruel sometimes try not to take it personally if you’ve been trying to do the best you can. None of us are perfect parents, especially when we are dealing with atypical kids., Parenting is hard. Regardless of autism dx, it's a common occurrence for children to blame "everything" on parents and then years later, realize the position their parents were in. It's never a black and white situation. That said, there's a website/FB Group/Parent Training program called Parenting Revolution by Penny Williams and Sarah Wayland that addresses these issues. You are far from the only one. It's a lot more common than you think., I think it’s good that she was open with you. She was able to express her feelings and it sounds like you’re receptive to it. I think this is one of a parents worst nightmares and I can only imagine how hard it is to hear. We do our best for our kids and don’t want to hurt them. I think it’s great that you’re going to do family therapy. Hopefully you will be able to understand each other better and improve how you communicate., Oh and also agreeing w/ a previous poster, I. LOVE. DBT! There's DBT for adults and there's also DBT for teens and I even think as a family unit. Hugs OP, I'm glad I'm not the only person confused after reading this post., If you're worried about playing the victim then don't. Just start working on solutions. We all make mistakes. It takes a big person to admit them and do something about them, There's also a huge group of parents that genuinely don't bother listening to their kids and play the victim. Trying to break that cycle with my own kids, because that's what my mom did. If OP is willing to open her eyes and change, then she aught to be encouraged. There's genuinely not enough information to question her understanding of what's going on in her family, which makes me believe playing the victim is more true than not. Victim players often under share, Pretty much. I distinctly recall my teenage years, and with an older sister and a younger brother, my parents had it rough for about a decade. My 12yo is already starting to show the signs. It's going to be hell around here for about the next ten years because her autistic sister is 8 so when one gets mellowed out, the younger one will be firing up. Though I do look forward to the days when the 8yo has enough words to really tell me how she feels. I definitely think she should have a good vocabulary in five years, as she's really starting to find her words., Right…. I think a therapist will help you more. We don’t know enough info and self blame is not the way to go. Get help, I have. My son is on medication and went to therapy. He has NEVER shown me this disrespect or even swore around me. That’s why I was so hurt. He is not rude. My daughter is angry and rightfully so. I’ve asked her how she feels for years and she never told me before tonight. THAT is what hurts. I took her to therapy, got her medication, listened to her, etc. She took it all out at once., Actually thank you very much for this reply. It really is hard to distinguish between what is normal teenage angst and what is trauma and what is her AuHD. I will definitely take your advice., Tomorrow I will begin looking for a family therapist. I might just start with her and me. And therapy with her, my, husband, and I before I add my son. He has his own issues. And I don’t want him to regress because of this. She has a right to confront her brother and I want it to be in a situation where she can first get ahold of her rage., This is easier said than done. My mother plays the victim and I’m always anxious that I do the same thing. Some people need therapy to recognize and learn how to stop doing this due to generational trauma and dysfunction. It’s like telling a depressed person to just be happy. It doesn’t always work that way., I am in therapy, specifically EMDR because DBT and the other behavior therapy didn’t work for my depression and trauma. I recognized I have to fix myself and therapy started in April. I needed to hear whether anyone else thinks or their child thinks that their trauma “caused” autism rather than being born with it. I know her anger and being able to tell me everything that has been bothered was a good thing. You have to understand that she has been holding this back for 5 years when I was diagnosed with PTSD because someone raped me and I seriously sucked as a parent by not being there emotionally for her. It was overwhelming for me and while all her experiences and feelings are true, I don’t know whether I am the once who caused her to be autistic. Maybe I am., It seems you did everything right? if what you said is all true and arent leaving out some major details, their reactions just dont make sense. For why would she be rightfully angry so?, Can you afford individual therapy for both kids and even yourself? I started doing individual therapy along with group with my son's therapist and it has really helped immensely. There's no sharing unless wanted or necessary between individual sessions but we also do family. Sometimes you might need to find your own as well but as mom it's really important you give yourself some grace and help yourself as well. Good luck. Therapy for yourself will really help you as parent, it does me., That is a very interesting way of looking at it. We don’t (hopefully) tell depressed people to just be happy or ask ND why they can’t be normal. I know I caused her trauma and as I said above it is really hard to distinguish between normal teenage angst and other mental illness that I caused. Plus I don’t know why, but I feel like all mothers and daughters fight hard at times., Trauma doesn’t cause autism. That’s not how autism works, and that’d be one of the first things I’d address in therapy. Trauma can cause a plethora of mental illnesses, but autism is not one of them. Autism is a developmental condition that one is born with., She is 13, she is struggling. Being a teen is hard, being a teen girls sucks. Being an autistic teen girls is triply hard. She is trying to find herself, and figure shit out. Blaming you is just finding a reason. Dot worry too much about it, out more attention on how she feels about how you act and get all of you into family therapy., Yeah, I think the 13yo gas-lit the mother successfully. The post (as written) doesn't support her claims at all., Because 5 years ago I was diagnosed with PTSD because someone raped me. I was a shitty parent because I was not there for her emotionally. I was angry and depressed all the time and some days did nothing but sit in bed. Then she was sexually battered at school and I fought for justice for her which is how we leaned she is autistic. All I can say is that I think I cared more about justice for her and I failed to see she wanted to let it go. My longer comment is above. I recognized that my past therapy did not work and my own issues. I am currently in EMDR therapy and I know I have a long way to go to be the parent she needs. I guess I wanted to know whether I “caused” her autism as opposed to she was born with it., Most kids and parents fight hard at some point, they want autonomy as all living beings do, and you as a parent want your child to be safe and in doing so impose your will over theirs at times., Occam's razor almost always indicates "missing missing reasons"., Do you really think you caused her autism with your trauma? Like really? Or are you just on the Dino’s and taking it all on yourself? Like, in what world does your trauma cause autism?, Hell no. You can't "cause" autism. You're born autistic. The only thing you might technically be at fault for is genetics because it's often genetic., Oh my god I am so sorry to hear that but thats I mean you can hardly blame yourself for that... You really did much better than most in that situation and you shouldn't invalidate yourself like that. Your needs as just as important as your childs and one day when she is more mature, once her frontal lobe has fully developed she will understand that you did your best.. Its okay but you need not put yourself down, you did not fail. You are always making progress and it will get better with time and maturity and experience, just keep doing your best as you already are doing amazing in dealing with these difficult and traumatic situations. And no absolutely not you cannot cause autism, its a born with it disorder so please again do not blame yourself you are doing everything right ♥️
My daughter broke my heart today	My 3 year old daughter has autism. Compared to many others, she's gotten off easy - or so people keep telling telling me. She's highly intelligent, and very socially motivated, although her social skills lack a little. Her real problems reside in extreme sensory difficulties. Today, after another hard-earned semi-successful trip to the playground, she says: "Daddy? I'm sad." "Oh? Why is that?" "I'm scared of everything. I'm scared all the time." I told her I know, and I'm sorry, and gave her a hug. Then I got her talking about the colours of the bushes around us. I'm heartbroken. Why must my perfect little girl endure such pain every day?!	Sounds like me when I was young, but unlike your brave little one, I could not tell my Ma, she is also socially disabled. I knew, i *felt from.a very young age Mam wasn't a safe adult, I felt I needed to take care of her, and I did, still do because she's incapable of understanding social situations. The fact your little one feels safe enough to tell you is huge. i think if I had just felt safe to confide in Mam that would be such a huge help to me., That is heartbreaking .. she is brave to say so, It's wonderful she could tell you and felt safe doing so. Have you had her evaluated for a comorbid anxiety disorder? (That's very common and why my daughter who sounds similar is on a wait-list for a full neurology workup. You could definitely see someone to help with GAD or the like), You should tell her how proud you are of her, that she does things like go to the playground even though she’s scared. That we all feel scared sometimes, and that when we do things that scare us, it makes our anxieties shrink and get less scary. Let her know you will always be there to help if she needs it. She sounds like a brave little one, willing to trying hard things. Keep encouraging that. Her confidence will grow., The emotional stuff gets easier if you support emptional development and teach about the range of emotions. Plenty of books out there to help. When I was a child I told my dad I felt worried all the time because I didn't know how I was supposed to be happy. That feeling passed with increasing insight and understanding., Poor baby ... you're reassurance will help her coop with her fear(s), You are a great Dad. You, My son needs lots of empathy and reassurance I try using examples to normalize his feelings and range of his emotions. We use songs and phrases to help us transition through the emotions. Some YouTube stuff can help give you ideas together depending on what she responds to. Check out bri-reads “what color is your day?” and look up colors of emotions. Story bots, and some super simple songs. Relating colors and textures to emotions and even scents can help too! Having like a Crystal or token object or sensory toy that makes her feel safe can help! Like something she can grab on to to change the path of her sensory input., Yes that’s very sad, but that she’s so self aware and able to convey that feeling to you is a good sign that she can learn coping skills, etc., It is really wonderful that she can tell you and that she can identify those feelings herself. I can’t express what a big deal that is! You’re raising a self advocate. Someone who isn’t completely dissociated from her physical experience. You may have saved her literally decades in her development process!, I'm sorry if I use this for venting, but man, I envy you. Your daughter is telling you about how she feels with the age of three. My son is five and a half and still can't express himself like your daughter right now. I want to know so badly what he thinks or feels, but most of the time, he just won't tell, even if I clearly see that something is troubling him., my son is currentl on the waiting list to be diagnosed but his therapist strongly suspects autism. anxiety ruled his life. it causes him to go into fight or flight mode several times a day( he would opt for fight most of the time) we recently started him on prozac and its been a game changer. i feel like i have my kid back. he isnt scared of everything anymore and just so happy. hes very young so were were reeally scared to try it but i wouldnt go back. i would at least ask your doc if there is anything you could do to help her. we tried all the therapies we could before this option and none worked., Yes, please tell her that she’s very brave! Bravery isn’t never being scared, it’s being scared and doing things anyway!, Thank you! Can you please share books that worked for you. ?, The feelings books by Tracey Moroney are my favs.
My daughter is happy 24/7	I am a 24/7 single father to a 3.5 girl who is a level 3 non verbal, has Cerebral Palsy, and is epileptic. With that being said, she is a ball of joy. I have been her provider, care giver, protector, everything since day one. Before having her I had never held a baby, changed the diaper, brushed hair As im a male i've always had short hair. I was scared that I wasn't gonna know what to do even for "normal" baby let alone one with so many Diagnosis. That is not the case at all, from day 1 till now, I am not exaggerating she has not cried for more than 10 minutes 15 at most. So I consider myself blessed. I see all the stories of most Parents about their child having melt downs just being so stressed out, don't know what to do, And I really feel for them. Is it normal for my autistic child to be so happy? I mean I know i'm a good dad i'm a great dad. My daughter should definitely be happy she has no reason not to be happy. Just seeing all these Post about the bad and the stress, I was wondering if this is rare or people Just don't post about the good things.	Yeah, my son is pretty happy and chill. He gets cranky at times and has the occasional tantrum, but he has never had a meltdown. Generally he is in a great mood., You’re lucky, that’s for sure. Some parents are experiencing hell constantly. That doesn’t take away from the fact that you are happy and able to endure the life that you have. I feel that most parents will appreciate a post like this and think maybe that can be me one day. You’re lucky, give grace to those that aren’t as lucky as you, and give a voice to them because you can., I'm so happy for you and happy to read this. My 8 year old completely non speaking daughter is an absolute joy and pleasure to be around. She impresses me and surprises me every day with how great of a human and smart she is. I also had no experience with kids, am a single mom, and consider myself blessed. She makes me better and has changed my entire mindset and outlook on life., Apart from when he's screaming and having meltdowns my son is very happy the rest of the time. In his own little world as they say, It's just like yelp or Google reviews. Ppl leave them mainly to complain but rarely to say good things. At least that's how someone else explained it here once. For every 1 celebration thread there's probably 30 more not shared. Count it a blessing imo., My son is happy 95% of the time but man… that other 5% can get rough. Either way my son is almost always super happy. Melt downs usually happen when he’s able to get the worlds out for a request and the answer is no (he’s very limited verbally). We battle with the decision of melt down vs ice cream for breakfast a few times a week, [deleted], My 3yo daughter is super chill also. She is nonverbal but rarely cries for more than a minute, and transitions very easily. Just my happy little chickpea!, My daughter was the happiest kid around until she hit a level of self-awareness in around 4th grade about other people. Not to say this will happen for you, but be prepared for things to change because they always do., Autistic children are very different from one another. To my understanding what makes up the diagnosis is: 1- Difficulty for social interactions 2- Repetitive patterns of behavior 3- Unique sensory profiles with several hyper and hypo sensorinesses Not every autistic child has a lot of meltdowns, and many can have a happy, carefree demeanor. That is the case of my 4M son as well. The preschool simply tells us that this is good news that he is happy and not a subject of worries. I wish you that the seizures are manageable. I don't know how much of a challenge this is but from my inexperienced perspective it looks quite a challenge., Hi OP, my son has ASD he's officially level 2 but his psychiatrist and I agree he's a 2.5. He also has CP (quadriplegic)and chronic lung disease. I'm a single parent carer as well :) He's 15 and the happiest teenager I know. He chuckles and flaps his hands when he's happy or when he tells a joke. He loves collecting shiny things so I call him my little dragon sometimes. He has no interest in mobile phones or alcohol or smoking, so at least I don't have the usual teenage parent concerns. When he was a baby and toddler he hardly cried like your daughter and never had a tantrum. He gets upset sometimes of course but not often. In contrast his younger brother is ASD level 1 and has a lot of anxiety, he didn't sleep through the night till he was 6 and still has tantrums+meltdowns+anxiety attacks. He was full term and has no health issues or brain damage. I often find it more tiring helping my youngest cope with his feelings/anxiety than I do caring for my eldest who weighs as much as me and can't shower/change/eat/take meds etc unassisted. Which goes to show levels don't tell the whole story I guess. Anyway your little one sounds like a blessing and it was nice to read your post because she sounds so much like my son at that age and thank you for sharing :), You are lucky like us. My 5 year old, mostly non speaking (some words) boy with hypotonia and motor problems and epilepsy, is generally always happy or chill. He is a beautiful soul and we are blessed to have him., My autistic son is the same! So happy, smiley and chill! Not rigid at all. He rarely cries or has meltdowns, and he loves to sing and laugh!, With the exceptions of meltdowns, my daughter is a ray of sunshine! Enjoy every smile and giggle, she’s gonna grow up so fast!, my son is the same! the sweetest little boy who’s always happy go lucky. everyone in my family says he’s the best child. though when he’s mad, he pissed but it usually passes quickly, My almost 4 year old daughter is level 3 non verbal and for the most part is the most happy go lucky kid I've ever met. She literally exudes joy 😊 I'm glad to hear your little one is so happy despite all of her diagnoses., I actually had to learn that not all ASD children scream the majority of the time. I really thought screaming was part of ASD. It’s actually just my child’s version of expressing their frustration. Possibly learned from his older sister who was a super colicky baby. (I had to teach her not to scream about everything..) I had to switch doctors to get her silent reflux treated. Then clinics to get it better treated…. We went through a period of 3-5 hours of pure screaming until my son passed out for a few months. Currently it’s 1-3 hours of screaming a day. Some ASD children scream, some shutdown and some are just happy like your kid. I figure it’s split by about 3rds., I love this! My girlie (11) is also so happy! When she was younger, not so much but she has changed drastically. The thing is, I was happy for her more than for me! Seeing her enjoy life is so awesome. Sometimes when she has a bad mood (or really really bad mood) I remind myself shes human and deserves a bad mood like anyone else. She's been through the mill with the diagnoses as well and I'm just trying to take it all in and enjoy this time with her the way she's loving life! Keep at it! Your an awesome Dad! Thanks for posting this because its very encouraging!, My son is almost 4 and the exact same way. He is ZERO percent aggressive and it’s really my only saving grace!, My twins (both level 3 and nonverbal so far) have moments where it’s hard to figure out what upsets them or they steal toys from eachother, but otherwise they’re also both pretty happy!, I love both my kids and my eldest especially is one of the happiest, kindest children I ever met. A number of my friends specifically told me that they felt less scared or even decided to have their own kids after meeting her. Both my kids are fairly easy to keep calm and happy in controlled environment like home. Or to bring enough to make a space like a hotel room into a mini space of comfort. But my youngest does have more anger issues even though she is also fiercely loyal and caring., I love this for you!, Not exaggerating, from day one my kid has never had any physical disorders. I see posts on Reddit all the time complaining their kid has cerebral palsy and epilepsy, and I can't help but to feel blessed mine is just aggressive and defiant. I'm a great mother and why would he have those conditions anyway? Anyway I see people posting about how stressed they are that they're dealing with having a high medical needs child, and I'm just wondering, is it RARE to be so happy with my situation?, My 2.5 year old level 1 daughter is very happy.. for the most part. Right now she’s entering threenagerhood and has a ton of big feelings/opinions… but her laughter is contagious. Case in point? Tonight, she was being an absolute banshee after work bc she was tired and is dealing with a cold.. but then at bedtime, she was being level 10 CUTE and adorable. She was making silly faces at me and trying to get me to laugh. Completely made up for all the big emotions the two hours prior to bedtime.. lol, I love it! 😍😍😍, I think people will mostly post when they need help or are worried about a situation (myself included) Most won’t really post about the easy or happy days. My daughter is 5.5 years old and is absolutely a ball of joy too 90% of the time. She will have occasional crankiness and anger but has only ever had 1 meltdown in her life when she was 3., Our first was pretty easy and happy. Some melt downs here or there and never any terrible twos or threenager eras. Our NT two year old is fun, happy, and a straight feral honey badger., Nah man, it just means your doing a good job at meeting all her needs. Your a good man., Ye we got a big mix bag Swings and roundabouts, That’s amazing, really happy for both of you—on the flip side, this post made me remember how much of an absolute nightmare of non stop tantrums my son was at that age. Incredibly, at age 16, he is an absolute joy of a human being (which I hear from his teachers and friends as well as just knowing it to be true as his mom) so don’t lose hope, ye parents of evil toddlers! They might just turn out perfect ✨, So same. We are exhausted but he’s the happiest toddler I’ve ever met so our efforts are definitely worth it. The constant noise and overstimulation that my partner and I deal with is because he screeches almost all day long from sheer excitement and joy. I guess I just feel like this community is more of a support group for people who are struggling so I feel weird posting about it. I would never want my success with parenting my kid to make someone else feel like a failure. The truth is we have a lovely and sweet kid and he’s pre-verbal but really communicative in other ways so it’s easy for us to meet his needs because he actively asks us for what he wants/needs and communicates well. I also have an awesome partner who tries his best to split the workload evenly (I do more but it’s ok because it works for us). Many of the overwhelmed folks on this sub are single parents or have unsupportive partners/family. I also think our kid is suuuuper good at communicating non-verbally, which is a skill not every autistic kid is able to master. For example, my kid will wake up in the night because something sets off his sensory issues and when he’s tired he cannot regulate as well so he just sobs over it (meltdown) and even as he is melting down he is communicating what he needs to be properly soothed by pointing at my phone. When he points at the phone, I know he wants to look at pictures of our family and listen to his favorite songs. Anyway, all this to say yes! Autistic happiness is a beautiful thing and we get to witness it everyday. I just feel weird posting about it. I’m happy for you and your kid!, This is the same thing with my son. 2.5 nonverbal. Always happy, giggling, smiling and running around. Sure, he throws tantrums at times, but they're age-appropriate ones. Nothing unusual., I don’t know if it’s rare or not but I know the majority of people HERE on THIS thread are parents who are looking for support so in this thread you very well may be in a majority. Now I have to say for the most part I am very happy with my child and his abilities but I do have days where it’s hard and it’s frustrating but over all I’m quite happy. But again he’s a level 1.
My eyes have permanently rolled into the back of my head from TikTok	Just saw a TikTok post of a mom talking about how “omg my kids are getting independent! I have free time now!” Then the music turns sad and it’s like “the part of you that will always be that mom rocking her newborn baby wondering how she’s gonna do this.” I know I’m a jaded beeyotch for this but I rolled my eyes so hard. Like really? The sad music and drama because your kids are becoming independent, but at one point you had a newborn and were stressed out? I would kill for that to be my problem. I know it’s wrong to be so bitter. I guess this made me realize I can no longer relate to most NT moms at all and I can’t be nice and try to appreciate their issues with their NT kids because for me their problems would be miracles.	I was content carrying my child out of a store screaming last week because the fit was for a typical toddler reason. How refreshing., Get off social media, it’s toxic, unnecessary and unrealistic., I totally understand! I usually scroll past those on tiktok. Thankfully the algo usually “sends me” more TikToks that are more geared towards autism, autistic creators and parents of children with autism. Even then I sometimes get TikToks about how parents shouldn’t be talking over their autistic children. I’m thinking, “Sure Bob. Glad you’re able to make a TikTok and are able to express your feelings through TikTok but my son and I can’t have a conversation 😒 so please do tell me who is going to advocate for him?” Yeah, TikTok or social media in general can be so not geared toward autistic children and/or their parents/caregivers., I do remember a time my wife and I went through these stages: "I can't believe how quickly these times are going to pass, lets cherish them" to "We're pretty lucky we get to enjoy these times a bit longer" to "When are these times finally going to be over" Yeah... I've stopped being able to relate with parents that have only NT children., I saw that, to me it was about how a part of me will forever be changed from those early postpartum months. Not about being sad about independence., Lol this made me crack up! And yes I'd kill for my child to be able to be independent. All children will always be their parents' "babies" but it hits different when your autistic child may always be a "baby" mentally. It's sad really. I feel you!, Aha same I’ve been coping with my kids having non-verbal autism for almost 20yrs. Back then average public response was “what’s autism?” Today it’s “me too” 🤦‍♀️ I still find myself triggered by some of the shit typical parents (and kids) say. Life is a lot for us speacial needs parents and so I try to enjoy ANY moment of chill I can get. In those moments I enjoy watching tiktok. My feed is 90% humor, practically every video has we wheezing. The occasional dance, make up, or fashion vid. I almost always wind up with a dopamine high from laughing for 10mins straight. I purposely do not search, follow, or like autism related content. I find 80% of it to be unrelatable. Then find myself jealous, bitter, and mad at the world. Probably crying… If THATS autism then wtf are we dealing with!? Don’t do that girl! Just watch some funny cat videos and enjoy the moment of (not) screaming., ~yOuRe gONNa mIsS thIs~ 🙄🙄🙄, Watch Running4Robbie and TeflonMomClub. She's an amazing mom to a high needs autistic young man!, Felt this HARD. I cut off friends with NT kids because I refuse to feel sorry for them when they complain about their “problems” and how tired they are. Like tired of what? Your 4 year old dresses themselves completely, brushes and bathes on their own, knows how to make a bowl of cereal, open their own juice box, open doors, buckle themselves into their own car seat like WTF ARE YOU TIRED AND STRESSED FROM? Having to watch your child do all the work I still have to do with my 6 year old??? Like stfu., And this is exactly why i muted half my instagram following list, rarely check facebook and occasionally find myself here on reddit haha, Dont look at those posts. It's like looking at wealthy people's stories/posts/videos/ticktocks. I'm not wealthy and will never be and as a disabled person who is not disabled enough to receive any assistance I'll always have to work and be absolutely overwhelmed with it. Wealthy people will never know what real life is like. Neurotypicals will never know what having a disabled child is like. What I'm about to say next is super shitty and I hope I dont get banned. When I'm feeling down and I'm always feeling down I look at true crime shows because soemone has it way worse than I do, it's a tiny confort. I wont spell it out but you can get what I'm saying. It helps for a while., Im also bitter. I have a friend that have 1 NT 5,yo with share custody 50%, she work from home most of her workdays, has a professional cleaner EVERYDAY at home, go on dates with her boyfriend everyday, just eat delivery and go to clubs and them is always complaining about how tired she is and how difficult her life is. Me: I have EDS syndrome, a 10 mo baby and a autistic toddler. I work part time and take care of my kids the rest of the day while doing all house chores by myself bc my husband is working 60+h per week at ER (he's physician) to pay our debts and our sons treatment. So yes, im a little bitter. Eddit for grammar, 100% get it and would have the same reaction. I can’t do most social media for several reasons and this is one of them., I got off tik tok, it’s toxic., I saw that too and started crying. I miss that time so badly since it was “normal”. My oldest is autistic and my daughter is NT (as far as we know). It’s really a bittersweet to see him finally doing some things she’s doing and she’s a year younger. I hope he’s independent one day but the uncertainty kills me., I avoid NT families like the plague. I just feel like crap after spending time with them. Babies are ok. But as soon as they start toddling I just can't relate to their parents AT ALL. One of my big worries now I'm pregnant again is actually that I'm going to have to start mixing with NT families if my daughter is NT. Obviously it would be a relief if she is NT. But I will have to start talking to \those people\ who just do not get it., I call them lemon thoughts, nice and bitter. It can be weird what triggers them. My lovely bestie has 2 NT kids. She just got hair extensions and looks incredible. Meanwhile I have alopecia, but can't fathom the thought of spending so much money on a frivolity like my hair. I caught myself getting judgey - how can she throw money away like that? Then I remembered that her NT kids are as bright as buttons, they will be able to support themselves when they grow up. Unlike my beautiful boy who will most likely always need support. I squirrel away as much as I can whilst still trying to get the balance right with giving him fun experiences, to try and make up for everything he misses out on. My appearance gets bumped waaaay down the list of priorities. I look pretty awful. I feel quite down, angry and jealous at the minute and am isolating myself. It's probably all in my head, but I feel judged by people outside of the autism bubble for how I look, for driving around in a beat up car, for not progressing in my career, for not being fun anymore, the state of my house, my child's behaviour, and pretty much every parenting decision I make., Sometimes as hard as it can be, we have to pick and choose what we’re bitter about and for how long. It might sound “pick me-ish” but I try and think about my friends who have NT children and think about what they may face even being able to talk and stuff. It’s hard and I can’t imagine my child having the toughest symptoms but we can relate to who we can relate to and to others, we just can’t. Sometimes all we really need is a hug, a break with someone we could fully trust though we might not have it and to give ourselves more credit. Keep being a warrior. ❤️, It literally makes me ENRAGED when people complain about their children growing up and developing normally. Nobody stays a baby forever. How the fuck is it sad when they’re alive and developing normally. So many people lose their children or have severely disabled “forever children” and it’s just skeevy to bitch about your kid growing up normally, It really is a different world a lot of the time. Generally, I've felt that way whenever interacting with parents of NTs. The problems from my vantage point seem so trivial. But, they've never been seeing it from my vantage point., Ohh I said this on a fb post cuz a mum was distraught about getting an Adhd diagnosis at age 8. I got attacked so hard for “ invalidating” her experience, even though I specifically said that I understood it would be hard for her and that I sympathise., Tiktok is cancer, comparing is poison, I use tiktok to learn about culture. See what people wear, what they eat, what's important to them, learn their historical tidbits, see traditional dances, etc. It's sofa travelling, and it is nice and light. I also like comedy. But I don't want to learn about family and parenting there. Not in a place where people compete for approval and attention. I doubt very much I can find much authenticity., Social Media is a double-edged sword. It can be toxic as heck, but some of the most effective things I've implemented with my autistic kid came from TikTok. It's also where I find out about new info that comes out about Autism and Adhd. TT has learned that's the only thing I'm interested in consuming, so all it gives me are ND, Child psych, and child development research discussions., I hear you. My severely autistic child was actually my first born and the sweetest baby and I count those blissful days as some of the best of my life. The worrying about independence? Lol. Cannot relate at all, I don't have tik tok, but I have found having a group of real life parents who also have kids that face similar issues has been so helpful. It's nice feeling like other parents just get it., If y’all are gonna stay on TikTok though…bc I know I am…OfficialCooder is a pretty funny account to follow. She’s an autism mom., My tiktok algo is dogs. I love it. I like all the dog videos so it just shows me more puppies. It really makes me happy., I like @paigewash and @dadavidcoe . Both are parents of autistic boys and they’re funny, honest and supportive. Once TikTok realizes that’s what you want, it’ll start showing you more families with ND children., Autistic kids can grow up and drive cars and have careers., i immediately scroll past ANY parenting type content on tiktok and for the most part my FYP is pretty well curated--gardening, recipes, fashion, nature, animals etc. but yeah, in general, i cannot stand sappy parenting type shit. even if i had the most normal kid out there, i still can't stand it. i can't stand it when ANYONE posts gushy shit about their kid or their life in general it grosses me out., Seriously as others have said delete Instagram and Facebook. They are full of unicorns and rainbow lives that no actual real human has! I used them mainly for business but now my business is closed I love that I no longer need them. I now use just reddit and I feel quite happy with that., Tik too and Facebook are like a collection of the most annoying, self obsessed and idiotic people on the planet, not everyone on there belongs to these groups, but a significant portion definitely do., Fuckin A, Okay but THIS!!!!!, My sister keeps trying to get me on the tik tok. I said it’s not going to happen. Also, people give me the weirdest look when I tell them I don’t have a Facebook., Honestly, this. I gave up Facebook completely. I occasionally scroll through Twitter or Instagram but I only follow a handful of friends that are chill, some bands, and some video game devs to keep up on all the shows and games I'll probably not have the time to see/play until the kiddo is in school. 😭 My Facebook was full of previous classmates that got married, have wonderful jobs, and thriving NT kids. I'm happy for them. Truly. But I just couldn't take it anymore., THIS\^\^ The only social media I use is reddit. TikTok is the worst social media out there. Please get off TikTok. It will literally ruin your life., Says the person on social media., We might just be on different circles on tiktok, but the main issue I see people talking about is parents using their autistic kids for content. And honestly, that's no issue confined to autistic children - but stuff like meltdowns seems to be more common for those. Filming your child's most difficult moments and putting them on social media is something I have no sympathy for, no matter if they have a disability or not. Talking about your child without showing them, or discussing struggles around raising them/what's wrong with the system is completely different tho, and anyone that has an issue with that is an asshole (unless it's, like, really personal and under the real name)., For me it’s all the things I’ll never get to see her do. I won’t see her get married, won’t see her become a mom, won’t see her go to prom, etc. But at the same time I’ll never get empty nest syndrome. And even when we have rough weeks and rough months, I still try to find the positive in what we have. It is sad though. I wish the world was better to them., Yep. Me procrastinating buying my 4 year old presents for his 5th birthday because they have to be toys for a literal infant…………, 😂😂😂, And when they sigh and moan about how hard it is to be a parent, like I get it, we all have problems, but the fact that they can get a babysitter at the drop of a hat makes it hard for me to be that empathetic. Like "wow, you dropped your kid off at school and the school didn't make you come pick them up after an hour? Then you took them to your mother in laws house to spend the night and then your mother is going to pick them up tomorrow so you can have a date night? Wowwwww I feel so bad for you, what a tough life 🙄" Out here like the Mandalorian adventuring around the galaxy without a care because he can get a babysitter for his adorable alien baby at any moment in time., This exactly. I got off all social media except for Reddit because I couldn't stand seeing everyone I know with their thriving NT kids complaining all the time about things I can only dream of. Oh your kid never shuts up? My kid can't have a conversation. Oh your kid is a picky eater? My kid has been eating the exact same TWO safe foods for the past 4 years. You hate scheduling playdates? My kid has no friends and doesn't know how to play even. I'm in the same boat with a 6, almost 7 year old who can't get dressed by himself, can't make any snack at all, can't even take it out of the pantry for me to open, can't shower by himself, can't wipe his own ass, can't buckle himself in the car. Yesterday was his kindergarten graduation and I stupidly thought he could handle it. We lasted 15 minutes before he freaked out and I had to carry him outside screaming while everyone else stared at us, and all the NT kids and their younger siblings got to have a nice graduation ceremony. I'd give anything to have an NT life., I feel this . Wish we all lived nearby!, Totally fucking feel this. I’m still changing diapers almost 5 years later; brushing teeth, bathing, dressing, etc my non verbal child. I feel like their complaints are just stupid, Lol maybe that’s why I like true crime so much., Yeah it really does remind that life can just be hard to people in different ways, I’m sorry to hear about your health struggles and stress. I feel similar. My husband works 12+ hour days usually. I only work 30ish hours a week, but it’s spread out to where I work 6 days a week and it can be a lot when my sons aba place cancels and I’m watching him and working. But I have to work. I’ll likely have to work forever just for us to live somewhat comfortably, let alone save for what happens to our son when we get old or sick. I just can’t relate at all to these moms who don’t work and spend all day shopping or taking their kids to fun activities. And I’m way too bitter to be friends with them so I’d rather keep my distance. I also do 90% of the house chores because of how much my husband works. It’s really freaking hard,, Yea I hate saying it but around age 2 I realized I feel more like a caretaker than a mom some days. I remember the day I left most of the mom groups I was in because I just realized I had nothing in common with these people and seeing them talk about how worried they were because their 2 year old was only saying 150 words really messed me up., I would be glad if I could finally relate to other families! You know what's more isolating than having one kid with autism? Having two. :(, I sympathise so much with this comment. My partner has stage 1 cancer, lupus, severe endometriosis, severe sleep apnea, pcos, arthritis and she gets insane migraines every 2nd day, I have quite a few health issues myself, so many that I can’t Remember them off the top of my head as well as adhd that I’m not medicated for, plus our son is a level 3 sensory seeking child, all the daycares say he’s too difficult to care for and he was misdiagnosed with level 2 originally and we weren’t given any in home assistance at all, we also have no support from family or friends. So we have no life and yet still no time to keep our house and car as “aesthetically pleasing “ as everyone around us, in my better more healthier moments it doesn’t bother me, but when my health plays up the feelings of inadequacy come tumbling in. It’s rough., low support needs autistic kids can grow up and drive cars and have careers. A whole different ball game to high support needs asd kids., Some autistic people are also have severe mental disabilities., Also grossed out by the autism speaks vibe of the whole thread?, I’m confused about the purpose of this comment? Autistic kids can grow up to be autistic parents, too. I’m confused that you’re using driving a car or having a job to measure anything - particularly since it’s not even a universal truth? Certainly not relevant to the content of this post., F\\k TikTok. Seriously., I’ve never had Facebook 😆, Wtf how does the downvote system work here!?!? This is literally fact… Reddit IS social media everyone… Proceed to downvote I guess.., You’re not wrong. But my advice stands. if social media effects you this much….leave it behind. Also I understand your feelings but compare your life to others will always leave you feeling bad, Yes, I think the algo does push out different videos to different people. On my end I have seen parents attacked for advocating for their kids or stating that autism is autism and levels shouldn’t be a thing 🥴 It’s very invalidating when you’re the parent of a nonspeaking child with high support needs. In fact, a few months back I used to follow an autistic content creator who claimed that autistic children shouldn’t in therapy and just allow them to be autistic. This was a woman who was diagnosed later in life, who drives, has a full-time employment and who lives alone. This is not to say that she has not struggled because she is autistic but I don’t think she realizes how much of an impact it has on other people who are higher support needs than her. Anyway, I just unfollowed her as I do with others I don’t agree with. I have found some pretty awesome autistic content creators whom I enjoy their 😃 TikToks. On the flip side, I do agree with you. I don’t follow any creators that post their kids having a meltdown or head banging. I know there are some parents who are going to post regardless but if they do they should at the very least not include embarrassing moments that could negatively affect the child in the future. I personally don’t post my child on any social media site or talk about his struggles other than on Reddit which is a place with anonymity., ![gif](giphy\|69qRJPSZdjFDQU4jzp\|downsized) I totally get it. It sucks big time!, Mannnn I’m sorry to hear that happened but I felt EVERYTHING in your comment. I love my son to pieces but it’s getting harder now that he’s getting bigger and stronger…and I’m all but 4’11…ima have to start lifting or doing MMA or something to learn how to defend myself just in case😭😂. For me, when it’s just me and my boy with nobody present to compare to its beautiful but man when I have to see the stark difference in public/SM constantly shit really blows., Same! Where is everybody living at anyways? I’ve been manifesting some kind of Reddit meetup with you guys in the near future🥲, Mannnnn. It’s because they are…and I despise* calling things stupid…but they are. I feel you and have to do all the same things it’s been mentally draining but now that my boy is getting bigger, all the hand holding is becoming physically exhausting too. But hey, at least we have them to help us appreciate what really matters, and they have us to protect them, and thank god we’re not those doodoo parents that just dump their kids off and abandon them., I feel you. Im really sorry for us and wish we'll live close to each other. Its difficult have this life and listening to people complaining about their perfect lifes. I live my days wondering if my boy will be independent one day or if his sister will need to take care of him when im gone. Or he will have a shit job and live alone by herself without any friends or family nearby. This sucks., What about the women who don’t have to work and still choose to and put their children in daycare - that pisses me off even more., I relate to this a lot. You find these groups/peers when you’re pregnant/new mom, and the camaraderie is so important (sometimes life saving!). But then while you’re grieving the idea of what you thought motherhood was going to look like, you have to also grieve the loss of some peers because their complaints and concerns are so unreliable., Sending virtual hugs to you and yours. I'm so grateful for this subreddit, it brings me a lot of comfort., People won’t ever understand what it’s like to have a child that won’t ever be independent. If people aren’t telling us that autistic people grow up and move out, they are telling us we’re being negative. You cannot grasp the life changing event this diagnosis is unless you care for an individual with high support needs., Reddit is weird. And once people see something is downvoted they are oddly compelled to also down vote it., That woman doesn't seem to know what she's talking about... there are cases where a specific therapy isn't right for a child, or where children get burned out and need less hours/a therapy break - we recommend that to parents if we notice kids regressing, not making progress or showing signs of stress as well. But that doesn't mean no therapy forever, just a break to help them process what they've learned/come down from constant stress, so you can restart with less hours. There needs to be a balance between therapy and letting your child just be a child, of course - and it's important to remember that high support needs kids need and deserve breaks as well. But therapy can be so helpful, I have several students who started this year because their parents wouldn't take them and it helped them so much. If the aim of a therapy is to make kids not autistic, yeah, it sucks - but all children deserve to learn to communicate and handle their emotions and be independent as much as they can. Hell, I'm an autistic adult that wasn't diagnosed until my teens and I'm still in therapy for my anxiety and communication struggles related to my autism. This woman may have had bad experiences, there's plenty of therapists that have no idea how to help autistic clients, but that doesn't give her the right to talk for everyone., I’m in Brisbane , Australia. You?, It’s very true. People don’t realise that the parents get a diagnosis now too - forever caretaker , unknown life trajectory, It’s that good ol’ Reddit elitism. Everywhere on the internet is “social media” But here.
My girlfriend's brother is Autistic	My girlfriend's brother has autism, he's been diagnosed at an early age since 5or 6, but here's the messed up thing, he doesn't know he has it, also her brother is 26 years old, like my girlfriend's family keeps it a secret from him. He sometimes asks what's wrong with him and I want to tell him, but it's not my place to say it, but i really want to tell him, i feel it woukd help him alot. Think about it, he's gone through entire child hood not knowing. My question is, what is your opinion on this?? Isn't it a little fucked up that he doesn't know?? Don't you think he deserves to know ? He's an adult all, and I have a couple of friends who are autistic and they all know they have it, that's why I was so confused when my girlfriend told me he doesn't know! If someone who's autistic could give me their opinion on this, it would be great help, thanks!	Morally, I absolutely think he should know and would consider telling him like you are. Realistically, your relationship with the rest of that family would be permanently trashed if you do that., Perhaps you can locate and print out some research or advice from professionals that indicate telling children of their diagnosis is more beneficial than harmful and that delaying with cause more harm in the long run. He’s living a nightmare right now knowing something is wrong with him. Those parents are F’d up! Personally, I’d be weighing the options and outcomes. What are your GFs thoughts? I think at this point it may be best those parents read and understand how to disclose because he’s going to hate them for withholding the information., Honestly? If I were in your gf’s situation I would tell him. It’s not your place as the bf but I would think she could make a case to her parents that not telling him is doing him more harm. They are preventing him from being able to know how his brain works, strategies he could be using to make his life easier, connecting with others in the community- a whole lot of things., Personally I think it’s unconscionable that parents keep diagnoses from their children. Because they grow up completely aware that they are different but don’t understand why. People who keep diagnoses from their children do so because they think something is “wrong” with their child, and think “labeling” their child will limit them. But understanding that you are wired differently and there are others wired like you can be liberating. We’ve always been very open with our son, and have always stressed the positives of his autism, and that it’s nothing to be ashamed about. We never treated him like his diagnosis would limit him, so it didn’t. However you are not part of the family. So unfortunately it’s not your call to out his diagnosis to him. If he’s verbal and doesn’t have an intellectual disability, I’d perhaps throw out some subtle hints if his family isn’t around, but nothing direct. He is 26, and his family is infantilizing him. Which is just so so wrong., *But if he is constantly asking you what’s wrong with him, why don’t you say? “Maybe a good idea would be for you to you make a doctors and psychologist appointment to go over your concerns? Lots of people have different challenges and a professional can help support or even lead to a diagnosis in some cases” That way you’re not diagnosing or even misdiagnosing him, he is getting a diagnosis himself., I have a 24 year-old son on the spectrum. I cannot imagine holding that information from him. Shame on his parents. Other posters are right that telling him will probably end your relationship with his family. It’s up to you but consider that they have now made you complicit in keeping this secret. When the brother finds out, he will see you (rightly) as part of the conspiracy to keep this from him. Do you want to be a part of that? At the very least I would have a very long, serious talk with my GF about this. It’s a big deal., I think you need to stay in your lane and not tell him. Yeah, I don't agree with his parents not telling him but this is not your business., My girlfriend has told the mom so many times but it's the mom's fault, idk what's wrong with her, she's just stubborn and won't admit he needs meds or anything, Oh HELL no. This is probably going to get downvoted to oblivion, but I would have absolutely told him by now and wouldn't care about the social consequences. My kid went through a whole childhood with nobody* knowing and I refuse to participate in knowingly inflicting the same thing upon another child. Normalize kids knowing information about their own bodies regardless of parents' wishes even though it will piss people off for a while., Tell him, and break up with your girlfriend. Also, to everyone in this thread telling OP it's "not his place" to inform the poor guy: The guy has been lied to most of his entire life. It's almost certain his parents neglected to send him to appropriate therapy sessions, because if they had, he would in all likelihood have been told of his diagnosis by a therapist, or know enough to put the pieces together himself. Which means they neglected his medical needs, and instead of giving him the Infos he needs to search out ressources for autistic adults that could help him improve his life, they are actively hiding them from him. They are not doing him a favour by not telling him. They are sabotaging him. It's not the parents' "place" or right to sabotage their son. It is, generally speaking, also no one's, including your, place to hide important information about another person from that person. If you keep silent, you are complicit in the sabotage the same way your gf is., We all have opinions on what is best but the parents likely think not telling him is best probably for a reason you aren’t aware. I would respect the parents wishes. Also information like this needs to be told by his parents, I 100% agree with you, my kid is on…. but it is the family to decide. they are there for him his whole life…. possible u may not. at 26… i get the feeling the brother has an inkling of what he has, He deserves to know. Lies only help abusers., I know a lot of autistic and learning-disabled adults, and several of them weren’t told that they had a disability until they turned 18. I think that’s nuts, and in their place I would be very resentful towards my family for that. For a 26 year old to not know, it almost seems like someone must be breaking the law. Is he in a conservatorship? How has his doctor not told him??, I don't have advice for you one way or the other. I feel like he should know, and if I was in his shoes, I would like to know. I will say if you decide to do it, it will probably be the end of your relationship with your gf. And there will probably be a lot of emotions coming from her brother, saying it would be coming from someone outside of the family, instead of who it should be coming from., He should know. Finding out so old is fucked up. Measure how much you care about the relationship you have with the family vs with this brother. Just think any Tom dick or harry would tell this guy if they picked it up. Why can’t you? Is he a self sufficient adult or does he require lots of assistance?, It is extremely fucked up they are keeping it from him. He is entitled to information about himself and not knowing something like that causes extreme existential crisises. Just look at how many late diagnosed autistic people talk about how much trauma they have due to not getting diagnosed as a kid. The pain of always knowing you are different but not in what way, having constant meltdowns but not understanding what triggers them or even what they are, the suicidal ideation that by many people happens. It is so extremely fucking abusive to keep someone's diagnosis from them. Not to mention actually illegal in many places. Please for his sake, tell him about it. I can assure you he will be thankful., good god this situation pisses me off YES tell him yourself. or keep trying to get your girlfriend to tell him. but do know if you pick the first option this family will hate you and there is a good likelihood your girlfriend will break it off with you. i am a victim of medical neglect. i’ve lost skills and my ability to function in society and do the most basic shit. i had a long psychotic break that my stepmom and stepsister were aware of and begged my dad to get me help, but my dad was too ill himself to have been able to help me at the time, and nobody else there had any power to. nowadays i live with my mom who lies about my medical insurance not working and has not taken me to a doctor even when multiple issues have come up, ones that were similar to things she has herself and have genetic links. tell this guy he is autistic. and if you believe that this is an actively abusive situation that needs authorities, there is a service called APS that exists for these kinds of cases. do keep in mind it is a very extreme response and should be kept for if the situation is already extreme and needs help from authorities., It breaks my heart that he’s self aware enough to know he’s different, but hasn’t been told why. But I most definitely agree with others’ statements that it is not your place to tell him., Honestly I'm torn because I just self diagnosed myself at like 32 (waiting on official diagnosis) and I made it through life pretty well; graduated, worked and had kids. It's just nice knowing now and it made some things click in my life for sure. But my son is 4yo AuADHD/non speaking and he's going to definitely grow up knowing., unless you somehow bring up the topic of autism to him, not exactly telling him he might have it or has it, but just see if you can put the thought in his head to where he will think about himself possibly having autism. maybe he could figure it out on his own which could lead to him asking his mom ? idk if this made sense., My daughter has autism, she's 4 and we will always give her the information she needs to understand herself. I will never allow her to think she is wrong or broken for being different and she will know that some people just work differently, doesn't mean that they are wrong, they just work differently. Your situation is a hard one because if you let him know his family will be angry but he deserves to know. what my sil has asked us to do, as her teenage daughter who is quite the bookworm and is going for assessment for ASD. In stead of dropping the bombshell of you have autism, she has asked me to research and buy a few books written by people with autism and she has asked that I casually tell the daughter about the fantastic books I'm reading and try to get her to read them herself so that the girl can see the similarities between her and them for herself. I dont know if doing something like that may work for your situation, It’s not the end of the world…my son is level 3 autistic so I figured I was “high functioning” autistic as well but never paid attention to the signs. I am. It explains a lot though so maybe it will help him realize some things about himself., Well he's not a kid, so yes u think he know, He's 26 and only has a mom, their dad passed away unfortunately, Why would it not be his call? The brother is an adult, no one has a right to keep his medical information from him, including family members or OP., He's not allowed to do anything alone, so it would be up to his mom which doesn't seem like an option, it's pretty sad to be honest, "It's not your business to help that victim of medical neglect", are you serious?? What's next? "It's not your business to call the police over the probable domestic violence happening next door"???, He's 26 years old though, I think he should know, I second this., I don’t believe there are meds for autism. Maybe for ADHD, but not autism. Someone, please clarify if I am wrong., He's not a kid, he's 26 years old, Yeah if this is a hill the gf wants to die on, it honestly might be a dealbreaker for me. It’s just super weird behavior all around, You have a point man, I'm just wondering when and how to tell him, It should be they never told him entire childhood, and now he's a very confused 26 year old, It should be told by the, but they never told him his entire childhood, and now he's a very confused 26 year old, Why do you think I haven't told him yet, he doesn't even know what autism is, Tbh I don't know, all I know is that he has gone to the doctor for years, I think therapy would be great for him. It would be good if a professional tells him, he wouldn't get so mad or confused as if I told him or his mom or sister., He basically can't do anything on his own, It is ABSOLUTELY OPs place to tell him., It does make sense, I once told him about a good friend of mine who has Asperger's and he didn't even know what autism was, he really is babied a lot, i felt pretty bad but i knew if i told him idk how'd he would react with his mom when they're alone at the house so I didn't tell him, but I tried to put the thought into his head., That sounds like a good idea but he doesn't read books, he just likes movies alot, maybe there's some films for him??, I think you're missing a word or two so unclear. I'm saying yea I absolutely think he should know. But you'd be interfering with their parenting. That is playing with fire. They will not react kindly to you. I'd talk to your girlfriend and make the case for why you think SHE should do that. She can get away with that. You can't. You're an outsider. Even if you two were married, you're still an outsider., We don’t know a lot about the situation. He could be under conservatorship., Is he under a conservatorship?, Those two situations are absolutely not comparable., If you intend for them to know it was you who called the police, and you think you're gonna come over next week for dinner, yea you probably shouldn't think you can do both those things., I absolutely agree with you! However, it's not your place to tell him. Given that he's an adult, if I were in your shoes, I may try to find a way to lead him to self-discovery, such as recommending books or articles. I'm saying this as someone who realized really late that it's very likely I'm autistic and I also have at least one autistic kid. My diagnosed kid knows, and in our family, autism is just one of those things that makes people who they are. If I'd have known earlier about myself, yes, my life would probably have been much different because I would have understood myself better. If I found out my parents knew and didn't tell me, yeah, I'd be super pissed. Your telling him straight up is likely to cause a LOT of drama and ruin your relationship with everyone in that family., Who cares what you think? This is not your business stop trying to place your belief system on this family!, [deleted], Stimulants are being prescribed more now for autism. It helped my son with his stims and sensory issues. It also has increased his iq. On meds he tests at a normal iq - without meds his iq is very low. It also helps him talk more., Then the time to tell him was yesterday. That makes me wonder what else is going on with that family. I wouldn't be surprised if this is barely scratching the surface. The people talking about "respecting the family" are not respecting him., I have no idea how old or how serious OP and his GF are, but oh my God can you imagine marrying into this mess?? And then having to keep the secret forever? ETA just read the comment that he's 28 and they have a kid. Aaaaaggghhhh...., Depends on how much conflict with other people you want to risk in the moment. Also: How old are you?, It’s still not your child. It’s not your place. That is sad I don’t agree but you should respect his family. Maybe they believe it will cause him more harm than good. Maybe they have insight about him you don’t know. Maybe there is a reason. I don’t know. I just know you telling him is wrong., I would ask your girlfriend why they haven’t told him and maybe you can gain some insight from someone who knows him. I believe it is damaging to not know but I still wouldn’t say anything. That is a sad situation but maybe it’s for a reason. Does he have the ability to truly understand what having autism means? It’s such a big spectrum. Does he live independently and seemingly a typical life or is he dependent? Hes obviously self aware enough to ask that. Its sad. But I dont know why they wouldn’t unless maybe he would be depressed to know that?, The sister’s boyfriend? Whatever you say…, The problem is haven't watched them so I don't know their content. But the two that jumps to mind is.. I am sam and rain man but you would have to look into whether they're appropriate, Sorry I was in the back of the car typing this on a bumpy road, lol yes I've talked to her and she won't tell him, she thinks her mom should do, but her mom never will, so i guess she wants him to be a confused person his whole life. Which is sad cause I care about the guy, hes honestly a cool dude, ... in which case we still would have a strong indicator that the parents are not suitable to hold it., Not sure, I know he gets a check for 3k every month but his mom keeps it for him, does that count?, So basically you're telling OP he shouldn't help the brother because it could inconvenience OP if he did so?, My belief is he needs help, stop getting triggered all simp, I'm trying to have a discussion about this, I disagree in the strongest way possible. OP please tell him, he deserves to know. The caregivers deserve the resulting drama for what they've done., This is exactly what I’ve been trying to say to another commenter. I have to have hope the family is doing what they think is best for him. I don’t agree but I am not in their shoes to know., Wow, that is amazing! I had no idea. My son is still on the younger side at 3 so I think he might be to young for meds., Yeah, that family doesn't deserve respect at this point., Im 28 and I have a baby with the girlfriend so leaving her isn't an option, "Child"??? This is a 26-year-old man. There is no good reason for not telling him., I disagree. The parents are telling people of his diagnosis while refusing to disclose that information to him, even when he seems to be aware that he is different but isn't sure why., No, OP do not listen to this, do the exact opposite of this 'advice' - tell him., The guy already sounds depressed., Ditch her and tell him. Do you really wanna stay in a relationship with someone who condones and enables medical neglect/abuse?, That’s a fair point, but legally they would be in control in case of conservatorship. We also have zero indication what level autism this brother is. I agree he should know no matter his level of diagnosis, and that the parents are hurting him by not disclosing his diagnosis. But we don’t know the full story. Parents sometimes make poor choices for their kids, even though they have good intentions. Their choice maybe because they haven’t educated themselves about autism. It’s a heartbreaking situation for sure., Depends. Is his mother his legal guardian as appointed by a judge? [Here](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conservatorship) is the link to the Wikipedia Article about Conservatorships., No. I'm saying it could cause huge issues with the whole family. I'm not a fan of starting drama so I'd avoid that when there are other ways to achieve the result he's looking for., Help with what exactly? According to you he can’t do anything on his own so how will it help him to go against the wishes of his caregiver? He’s 26yo and never even heard of autism but you think you can educate him and make him understand?, Even if they think it is best for him, it is actually worse for him. Besides he is 26, he is an adult, they have no right not telling him about it., yes my son is 8 and up until this point I did not think anything could be done. It was not until my other son (6) who has very classic ADHD started taking meds that I started talking to his psychiatrist about medications for autism. She pretty much said that with autism anything could happen so she proceeded to try things very slowly. Much of the time the ticks and stimming get worse, or even the anxiety with autism kids, but in our case it did seem to help a lot of the issues and more importantly help him to live inside his body a bit easier. I should also note that I also had to get him officially tested for ADHD as well, but many times the Autism kiddos have more than one thing going on and its common to have both. It was not an easy process getting him these meds, but with these kids, is anything easy? lol., We do not know his care needs or mentality, This doesn't sound like a 30 year old woman you're talking about, but for all you know its a 14 year old girl afraid to defy her parents and tell her brother something ground breaking in one go. But hey, if you DO plan to split with her, have at it. You won't be there for the blowback. Or find a way to do inform him discretely., I'll be honest here. Any guardian of a person with a medical condition, who refuses to educate themself on what the condition and the suitable treatment is, is unfit for their position. If this is what OPs quasi-In-Laws are like, they should be under investigation., "However, it's not your place to tell him." Edit: I don't think "I didn't tell him you lied to him about his autism diagnosis all these years, I just gave him a book about autism" would not cause family drama., Basically he was never taught to do anything, but he's not useless, hes still capable of learning things, he's always talking about how he's lonely and wants to kill himself so why not introduce him to a community of people who also have autism to at least help him understand himself., It sounds to me like his caregivers are infantizing him and you are as well. Someone who is an adult is an adult. Even if they cannot do anything they are an adult, even if they cannot speak they are an adult. And an adult is legally allowed to know their own information. Not giving them it is legally considered medical abuse and could land the caregivers in prison. Besides it helps everyone to know what is going on with them, he will never learn how to do stuff on his own if he doesn't know he is autistic., Having care needs or an intellectual disability doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve to know his own medical information. Not knowing is obviously causing him distress., This is why I advocate for parents to disclose diagnosis to their children early. As soon as they can comprehend diagnosis. If you tell children early then you show there’s nothing to be ashamed about. Not disclosing diagnosis implies there’s something “wrong”. But many parents don’t see it that way, then are surprised when their pre-teen, teen or adult autistic child gets angry when they discover their diagnosis, often through educating themselves online. I had to convince my husband that we should tell my son when he was diagnosed at age 6. He was afraid of labeling him. I wonder if this brother has asked his parents directly if he has a diagnosis and what it is and the parents have lied, or if there is a significant intellectual disability because he’s self aware there’s something going on but hasn’t done the research to self diagnose. I think the most diplomatic solution is OP should get his autist friends to educate the sister, then have sister advocate disclosing diagnosis to the parents., Hey how about this: why don't YOU give some suggestions rather than just shitting all over other people that are trying to help?, What law are they breaking that’s going to land them in jail? Just because he is over 18 it does not mean he has the capacity to understand a stranger telling him that he is autistic. His sister’s baby daddy doesn’t get to decide what’s best for this guy based on his observations when he has n’t even bothered to talk to the mother or his doctors., I didn’t say he didn’t deserve to know. I am just thinking of reasons why a family didn’t tell him. Maybe he can’t fully grasp the concept of having autism, or maybe the parents think he would feel worse knowing he has a disorder. I tell my child he’s autistic. So I don’t know their situation. There also maybe a stigma as his parents are older they may have a different mindset. I’m not agreeing with them not telling him. I am just trying to put myself in that shoe and think why? I think parents should tell him. However OP should not., They are legally committing medical neglect, which is illegal. At least it is over here. If he has the mental capacity to know he is different to the point of that causing him suicidal ideation, he has the mental capacity to be told he is autistic. Being confused is better than being dead., medical neglect holding someone's disability checks without their knowledge is also theft if they are not under a conservatorship (the mom 'holds the checks for him'). also he is aware that he is different. look at OP's comments. this guy sounds depressed and suicidal and possibly isolated. he is self aware and know he is different, so i doubt telling him he is autistic is going to be something outside of his understanding if it's properly explained this whole situation sounds fishy as hell. im a victim of medical neglect and this situation is filled with red flags of potential abuse. i hope nothing terrible is going on but this whole situation just sounds terribly fishy, Even if this is all the case, even if he cannot grasp autism, even if his parents think he would feel worse knowing it, it is still illegal for them to withhold that info. No matter anything he is an adult., Well since they won't OP needs to. That mentality of older mindset needs to be thrown in the fkn woodchipper.
My husband threatened to punch our daughter in the face and tell people it was me if I ever left him	We have a two year old daughter and one year old son. I was filling out a DLA form and he said to mention some of the hard parts of my daughters autism. I told him I don’t want them to think I can’t cope with my daughter and he said something along the lines of “they will never take her away from us as long as me and you are together they can’t do anything” He then said “and if you ever leave me and take my kids away from me, I will punch her in the face so it leaves a mark and tell people it was you. Then you can’t take them from me” (I perhaps got one or two words in the wrong order etc) This happened a couple of weeks ago and I can’t get it off my mind EDIT I’ve left him four times and have come back each time due to my own stupidity of believing he’s going to change. Him and his mum literally never leave me alone at my own mothers house when I leave and go to stay with them and if we don’t answer the door they will stand outside the door for ages until we answer Also my son and daughter will often accidentally hurt eachother or sometimes maybe on purpose and he encourages my daughthter to hurt my son and will tell them both to “punch mama” or “punch grandma/ grandad”	What the hell? What a fucked up thing to say. About a 2 year old…, Please talk to a lawyer., What in the literal fuck? You need to speak to someone- a domestic violence counselor, a lawyer, a friend, anyone. He has just told you he would hurt your child to hurt you. PLEASE GTFO., This is a domestic violence shelter situation, not a reddit advice situation., Only you can help you, only you can protect your children. You need to get away from this man immediately and get into therapy so you don’t continue to go back… a few months away will give you an entirely different perspective and you’ll be SO glad you left., You need to invest in nanny cams and voice recorders to catch your husband saying this, So you can show it in court., Next time you go to your mothers house and they refuse to leave. You call the police. Even better. Go somewhere they don’t know about. There are some amazing women’s shelters out there. Please keep yourself safe. Leave. Let the police or a lawyer know about his threat. If your already gone he can’t make these threats real. I know it’s not easy. I know you know this isn’t okay. I hope you find the right moment and time to leave. I hope you find somewhere safe to heal where he can’t show up. Even if your a single mother struggling with behaviours they won’t just take her away. Seek out supports. Stay strong and find a way to keep yourself safe., You’re outside the realm of this subreddit and you should have an appointment with a lawyer, There are places that will help you leave. That will help you make a safe exit plan and plan for staying away and custody battle etc. you could try using them., He is abusive, you need to leave and protect yourself and your children before it gets worse, and it will. He’s shown you he won’t change. Regarding the DLA form you must be truthful and write down all the “hard bits” of your daughter’s care that’s the point. You want her to have the best financial support for her needs., No adult will threaten a child. Would you imagine saying the same words at the height of frustration? We take time outs, we say harsh words but never do normal adults say they would punch a child to manipulate someone from not leaving them. The fact that you are not alarmed about it says that you truly believe that this behavior is normal. Please seek a counselor. Have a plan , ask your mom and friends for help and get out safely. A partner is an equal. They don't need to "give" you rights. You should be free to meet your friends, family since you are an adult yourself. A partner cannot and should not restrict such things. You should be happy and free of stress or anxiety to talk about anything with your partner. He should be your safe place. If you are worried about his reaction, that shows that you need to get out., You should make a note of that exact quote somewhere and of anything else like that going forward and discreetly consult a lawyer. Leaving is the most dangerous time for a woman. I honestly think this should be reported to the police too, but I’m afraid for your safety., If its safe try and find a family violence / domestic violence advice centre in your area. They can help you plan to leave safely and with things in place to stop him contacting you after you've left. Its a very hard thing to leave and even harder to stay away - that's why there are services specifically to help you do that. If thats what you want yiu don't have to do it alone., Just to be clear, a man's punch is lethal force on a toddler. Many toddlers have died accidentally from a punch in abuse situations. You need to be taking this seriously and talking to the police. There are a million variations of men like this and they all claim their wives are abusers. The courts have seen it so many times I guarantee they'll see right through him. This is severe domestic abuse. Girl you have to wake up and stop questioning it. It will never feel real or like it's too much to leave. There will never be a breaking point. He will always seem pathetic and deep down you'll always feel sorry for him and want to go back. You just become more and more desensitized. It's always like this. He could be punching you in the face every day in front of the kids and you'll never feel differently. It's a coping mechanism for abuse and a shitty one at that. May I recommend the book: Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, By Lundy Bancroft., I don’t even know where to begin with this man … I could write an entire book, maybe even series of books about bad stuff hes said and done to me/ my family etc. I’ve left numerous times and always end up coming back. I don’t have the courage to leave and leave for good. His abusive behaviour had begun so Normal to me that if I mention something to someone I act so normal about it and they’re in complete shock, I tell my mum everything and she can’t stand him and begs for me to come back to her but everyone I leave him I end up going back, which is my own stupid fault. My two best friends (he’s isolated me from all other friends) also dislike him but I can’t tell them everything as they get too worried and I’m worried they’ll report him which will lead to bad repercussions for me), He shows me over and over again that he can’t change so I don’t know why I can’t pluck the courage up to properly leave! And I understand that now! I guess I was a bit anxious before but I am thinking of writing journals etc of her daily care and needs and sending that in too (I’ve already sent the forms off), Please try to find that courage and get your little girl out of there and away from him. Do it for her, if not for yourself. He will lose patience with her whether you leave him or not if that’s mentality. There are safe ways to get you both out with help from a women’s refuge or friends/ family., You need to sit down and decide that your daughter is worthy of safety. For some reason you seem to accept his abusive behaviour for yourself, but you need to protect your child., I feel like your mom should take custody of your kids. You are putting your children in danger., Please report him yourself., I absolutely agree, and talking to people and hearing people here on Reddit is showing me how awful he really is and I’m not just dramatic or overthinking it, Not dramatic at all. If anything, your normal meter is broken and you're wildly UNDERreacting., I’m very guilty of underreacting. I hadn’t thought of it in this way until I read your comment. I mention things hes said and done to people as if they’re normal and they be completely shocked and I’m confused as to why they’re shocked because his behaviour has become so normal to me, That is probably pretty normal. I really hope you find a way to get out of this.
My mom won’t stop hitting/yelling at my autistic brother.When i tell her to stop i get punished too.	(Im sorry for ranting and i know this post might not make sense at some points.)I (14M), My brother (7M), mom (38F).My brother is diagnosed with level 2 autism.We've grown up together.I did my research and realized it was actually very wrong that i was being violent with him and we always fought whenever i was upset with him.I realized that it's all completely wrong and that it's completely wrong for my mom to do the same.l grew up being hit too and i for some reason thought it was okay to do it to my brother too.I realized it literally does not help at all and i've been a really shitty brother.I realized whenever he's angry he just starts yelling and hitting at this point and he doesn't know how to communicate tough emotions. He also starts whining a lot and forcing a cry.I told myself i needed to change all of it.I started trying to just discipline him with words and simply told him not to do certain things and tried to teach him to be calm and it worked sometimes but sometimes he kept hitting me and i would lose it and hit him back.I realized i've been so desensitized to violent "discipline" and that it won't do anything at all in his case.Then after some time i learned to just not be violent with him and i learned new ways to deal with certain behaviours.I realized i misunderstood the concept of autism this whole time. I tried telling mom to stop violence with him because it does not help at all and when she did he would just throw tantrums and cry until she just spoke to him and disciplined him with words.I sat her down once and told her we need to talk and had a long conversation about how she has to stop hitting him and yelling because it’s negativity impacting him a lot and it’s actually kinda backfiring on her.i told her the reason he’s violent with her is because that’s what he’s been taught.She simply said she’s not gonna change. She thinks that i’m disrespecting HER and i shouldn’t tell her how to raise her kid with a chuckle.I told her it’s not abt her it’s her actions. The problem is all her friends and the people around her,even my dad tell her it’s okay and that she’s actually being too lenient.My dad literally told her she baby’s him and she needs to be less lenient.WHAT?? (My dad isn’t really in the picture and does not even live in the same country as us) Over the next few weeks whenever she’s hitting/ yelling at him i tell her a few times to stop but she just yells at me too, i felt scared to say anything. Her friends keep telling her she’s babying him and when they’re over at our house she hits him even more. Theyre the type of people who think autism is made up. They tell her he’s not autistic and he only acts a certain way because she baby’s him.I hate hearing his cries and i just got tired of it.On saturday I decided i’m gonna lose my filter,i’m not gonna be scared to say anything she thinks is “disrespectful”and i js don’t give a fuck anymore. On sunday l found him playing with a flat iron and it burned the carpet. i was telling him it’s not okay to do this and he should unplug it and i’ll put it back.he was actually kind of calm. when she came i told her not to hit and yell but just talk to him.she hit and yelled anyways and he started doing his usual tantrum when he’s hit and i was trying to calm him down then he ran to her and hit her back.I told her don hit him. She started hitting him a lot harder and i was telling her to stop but with an attitude.She said “don’t tell me what to do”.We were going back and forth but i had no filter and was raising my voice.l said i don’t care what she says and he’s my brother,so i will intervene.the conversation kept escalating. My brother is still in his tantrum and is also still bothering her.She started hitting me and when i was trying to block myself with my arms i accidentally hit her under her eye and then she just kept hitting me more but harder.I told her i did not mean to hit her.Im being completely honest when i said i didn’t mean to hit her.I went to my room for a minute and she was yelling from the kitchen .I went to her and We started arguing about everything. (I can’t really go in to detail about everything we said because i don’t remember it word for word) It was about the violence towards my brother again and we kept going at it. At this point I didn’t care how i spoke to her.I told her he will grow up and have resentment towards her and she said she doesn’t care and if it happens it happens.Shes saying this because she truly believes she’s doing no wrong and she thinks that can’t happen.She verbalized it and said she’s not doing anything wrong and i can’t tell her what to do.I told her autistic kids won’t understand why you hit them and they will do the same to you.I did not use any curse words this whole time either. She says i hit her and i told her i did not mean to at all. This is the first time i’ve spoken to her with this level of disrespect. (Im 5’7 she’s 5’3)I told her if i wanted to hit her i would but i did not mean to cuz ik i can really hit her.But i was on the bed being slapped and punched by the end of it. And i know when my brother grows up and has resentment towards she will want to apologize to me and him.I just don’t want it to get to that point, i told her she needs to stop being ignorant now before it’s too late. After some time Her friends came over and she told them what happened but twisted some parts and told them that i’m the problem. They agreed with her of course because they have the same mindset when it comes to this. She told them i hit her and that i accused her of abusing my brother and that im trying to tell her how to parent etc.Its very easy to make it seem like im the problem here. They said that me saying “If i wanted to hit you i would but i dont and i cant” means that i DID want to hit her.We just argued for a long time. They were trying to make my statements seem so out of context.They made it clear that i was being terrible.I also did not even explain myself properly because it was overwhelming.And it was already bisased because SHE explained what happened.The next day,She called all her friends and told them what happened and made me look like the bad person.l heard them all talking bad about me.Shes acting like this is her final straw and we haven’t talked in days.what can i do? (im very thankful to anyone who made it this far.)	Damn kiddo. You got a big old brain between those ears and a good heart. You keep on the path of no violence. If you feel unsafe, tell an adult at school. You or your brother don't deserve that treatment., You have not done anything to deserve this. I wish I stood up to my parents more and used CPS to make them stop. It won't be easy, but you should protect you and your brother. Talk to your teachers, school counselors, any trusted adult and ask them to be with you when you call the police or child protective services. Have them help you call a trusted relative and tell them what is about to happen. Don't let anyone talk you out of it. Break the cycle and come back here when you can and let us know how you're doing., I also have a parent that lashes out in violence when you try to help correct any wrong behavior in any way shape or form. I can see what you’re doing because I used to do the same things when I was younger. You’re trying to fix everything. You’re trying to fix your mom’s anger. You’re trying to fix your brother. You’re trying to fix everyone’s relationship, because you can see where all the hurt and anger is. Since you can see it, it must be up to you to fix it, right? I don’t think that’s right. This should not be on your shoulders. One thing that will take you many years to learn after many failed attempts is that you cannot fix it. And it’s not because you didn’t try hard enough. You are trying your absolute best, even more than that I’m sure! But your mom is too broken herself to help you right now, and she is not in the space to be fixed. She will continue to yell at your brother until she can see change in him. You are not in charge of fixing her. I would say just focus on your brother. When your mom yells at you or him, just ignore her. Don’t yell back, don’t try to reason with her, just ignore her. I believe you 100% that you didn’t mean to hit your mom, and that it was just an accident. Just stay silent when she’s yelling and respond with yes or no when she asks you a question. When she starts yelling at your brother, get between them and move him into a different room if possible. Separating them will hopefully help your brother with feeling overwhelmed. I would recommend just talking a lot to your brother. Even if he can’t respond to you, he understands you. You tell him exactly what you told us. That you didn’t know before that hitting and yelling at him was bad. But you know better now that you’re older and have learned new things about autism. You’re going to stop hitting him and yelling at him and hope you two can work together to have peace as brothers even if your mom yells and hits you. If you feel comfortable with it, and if your brother is comfortable with it, you should try to hug him often. Try to envision you and your brother as a team. Starting this new behavior will not be easy, your brother will hit you and fight you a lot in the beginning, but you just stay consistent in your kindness and he’ll eventually catch on. This is not an easy road my friend, but the future can be so bright for you and your brother if you start taking steps now to change your lives. Talk to your brother all the time about your intentions and why you’re doing what you’re doing - repetition helps them remember. You can do this. Keep strong., Your brother is lucky to have you in his life. Keep fighting for him., I'm so sorry this is happening to you, kudos for trying to defend yourself and your brother, but please seek out help from adults with the power to intervene. https://kidshelpphone.ca/urgent-help You can call or text this helpline for advice. I don't know what province you are in, each one has its own list of services that can help, but kids help phone should be able to assist you there. You could also report this to your Doctor, who should be able to connect you with social services. You may even have a physical location you can visit in person for help or advice., Hi kid, you are super brave for standing up to your mom. I understand you don’t want to involve the police or child protective services, but your mom needs a serious intervention so you will need to involve someone, perhaps someone at your school or his school? Your mom needs to be educated on ASD, as it will help not only your brother, but also give everyone tools to work through his melt downs and ultimately help him learn to self soothe and help him be more independent later in life. One thing I have seen with parents who physically discipline their children is that eventually those children are going grow up and get to a point where they are going to hit back because that’s what they know. If violence is the default, as he gets older he is going to become more violent and may not be able to control it or stop himself because he doesn’t have to tools to do so. When he gets older he will seriously hurt himself or someone else. Intervention needs to happen now. Please reach out to a trusted adult., In most parts of the world, she cannot hit you or your brother, period. If you have to hit her to defend yourself or your brother, nobody in any position of authority will hold that against you. I would call child protective services immediately and start a case against her. It is not going to get easier over the next 4 years, and the next time she hits you or your brother, you call the police immediately and let them tell her what she is allowed to do. You and your brother might wind up in a foster home or with some obscure relative for a while, but you and he will not get beaten, which is what you and he deserves., May we know, in what country are you living? So that we can suggest what kind of help available to you. You did great. You're living in toxic environment. Seriously, you and your brother may need to leave the toxic environment. But we understand, you're 14 so maybe nowhere else to go. Your mom needs therapy. I wish somebody will come to help you. Is there any trustworthy adults or teachers or psychologists who understand autism, nearby in your place or school?, You sound like an amazing kid who is working on overcoming generational trauma. I wish I could just take you and your brother in. I understand you love you mom. That's 100% normal. That being said, your mom needs real help learning to be a good parent. She is abusive. It's not your fault or your brothers fault. I know a lot of adults who came from abusive homes who overcame their trauma and are great parents. She chose her path of continuing the cycle. In the states CPS sometimes works with parents to develop better coping skills. I don't know if there is something like that in Canada. I don't know how often it actually works. One thing you need to remember is, anyone who uses violence or emotional manipulations to get what they want is a bully. I'd be honored to care for a kid like you and your brother. You are gifts to this world., call 911 and report, You need to tak to someone. Thats to much for all of you! Think about who you be as honest as you have just now, Report her ass, You obviously have a phone yeah? Please record when she is hitting your brother and be his saving grace. Report this. This can’t go on any longer. I’m so sorry I don’t know what else to say., You are such a good kid. Pls tell us what country you’re in so we can find the right services for you to call. Are you both in school?, Im gonna try to explain whats going on cuz its important to know its complicated and definitely not your fault. When he hits you he is having something called a meltdown. It's kinda like a tantrum but he can't help it. Autistic people can be alexathymic (which means they don't really intuitively understand how others feel and instead project their feelings onto others), very anxious, and also prone to black and white thoughts (so either he's "good" or very very evil). Sometimes when you explain things to autistic people they can see your feelings as an attack and that leads to a meltdown. So "that hurts me" might be obvious, but it can trigger the alexithymia, which makes them realize they don't actually understand how you feel and that they actually hurt you, and then they go into a shame spiral (becuase they hurt you and are therefore "the worst" cuz the only options are black and white extremes). And this leads to meltdowns. Complicating all this is that autism is heritable - and we dont know how or to what degree yet. So your mom who isn't evaluated for autism is just that, not evaluated, and might be going through the same set of spirals as your bro - which is going to make getting the two of them to stop by "correcting" them pretty much impossible for a 14 year old. So again, i want to emphasise this is not in any way at all your fault, and there isnt much you can do to fix the entire issue - so not your fault at all. With my autistic husband, his mom shares his same asd traits (but shes undiagnosed), and when they have major issues it's becuase their meltdowns trigger meltdowns at the other, and their alexithymia means they can't emotionally relate to the other. These are very very big, adult problems and not something you can solve. But here are things you can do: Google distress tolerance skills for autism. Things like the mammalian dive reflex or hugging a squishmallow stuffed toy, can actually help your bro with the anxiety and meltdowns, and it's something a 14 year old can actually make a difference with. You can bring him the squishmallow or stuffed toy or ice pack. Lastly, as someone with likely undiagnosed neurodiverse parents, I totally understand where you are at. It's a horrible situation and it really sucks. But it's absolutely not your fault at all, and I really truely 100 percent mean that. It's not your fault at all. I've found success with my own parents by not "correcting" (so don't tell your mom explicitly that she's wrong) but instead learning more about neurodiveristy tactics and showing that they work. So more "my way worked last time, can we try my way?" and then bringing over the squishmallow to help with distress. People will course correct for what is easiest and works when they see it. And thats how you can help make things less shitty. It's not going to solve the entire issue (and we don't expect it to), but it's something you can do so your situation isn't hopeless. And again - 100 percent not your fault and I truely mean that., I want to thank you for stepping up and understanding ASD! Bravo to you! Ask your mom to change and she will or may see the behavior in your brother. Have a heart to heart talk with her when she is calm., Your response accurately reflects on my situation.Thank you for answering., Such a great wisdom and advice. Thank you, Thanks for answering.I really don’t want to have to call the police on her.When it comes to me she rarely hits me and when she does it’s never that bad.Its different when it comes to my brother tho.Because even though she doesn’t hit him as hard she does more often and he takes it in a completely different way which makes it so much worse.I am in no way defending her actions but i just think she is so ignorant and unaware about the things i’m telling her because she went through a lot of abuse in her early life and is unhealed.and she thinks she doesn’t need help either. she is an immigrant who is still going through the process and sacrificed a lot for me and my brother yet she is oblivious to certain things she’s doing wrong and it’s sad because i know she loves us.I just don’t understand why she can’t listen i’m getting tired of it.I don’t wanna have to involve police or cps.But…, "Don't argue, just ignore." "Focus on your brother." Such a wisdom. Sometimes arguing will get us to nothing, when the other party doesn't want to listen. You're like a hero to your brother. But you're also just a normal person.. hope you'll get the help you deserve. Our prayers for you.., Can therapist come to your house? You're such a sweet son. Sometimes, people need a wake up call to change for the better. Can someone send a therapist or psychologist to your mom? Until when you & your brother will get abused? This needs to be stopped as soon as possible. The longer it is, the longer it may take for you & your brother to heal from the trauma. And the longer it takes for your mom to heal too. You're such a brave person. My heart goes to you. May God opens up your mother's heart and stop beating you & your brother. But we need to do something for our prayers to be granted. Your mom's friends are not really friends, they're so toxic. Your father is negligent. They're ignorant. How about your teachers?, My older sister watched my dad hit me too and made excuses for him and did nothing, she is now a 45 year old miserable alcoholic that calls me once a year drunk crying and apologizing for not doing more to help., Damn kiddo. You got a big old brain between those ears and a good heart. You keep on the path of no violence. If you feel unsafe, tell an adult at school. You or your brother don't deserve that treatment., You have not done anything to deserve this. I wish I stood up to my parents more and used CPS to make them stop. It won't be easy, but you should protect you and your brother. Talk to your teachers, school counselors, any trusted adult and ask them to be with you when you call the police or child protective services. Have them help you call a trusted relative and tell them what is about to happen. Don't let anyone talk you out of it. Break the cycle and come back here when you can and let us know how you're doing., I also have a parent that lashes out in violence when you try to help correct any wrong behavior in any way shape or form. I can see what you’re doing because I used to do the same things when I was younger. You’re trying to fix everything. You’re trying to fix your mom’s anger. You’re trying to fix your brother. You’re trying to fix everyone’s relationship, because you can see where all the hurt and anger is. Since you can see it, it must be up to you to fix it, right? I don’t think that’s right. This should not be on your shoulders. One thing that will take you many years to learn after many failed attempts is that you cannot fix it. And it’s not because you didn’t try hard enough. You are trying your absolute best, even more than that I’m sure! But your mom is too broken herself to help you right now, and she is not in the space to be fixed. She will continue to yell at your brother until she can see change in him. You are not in charge of fixing her. I would say just focus on your brother. When your mom yells at you or him, just ignore her. Don’t yell back, don’t try to reason with her, just ignore her. I believe you 100% that you didn’t mean to hit your mom, and that it was just an accident. Just stay silent when she’s yelling and respond with yes or no when she asks you a question. When she starts yelling at your brother, get between them and move him into a different room if possible. Separating them will hopefully help your brother with feeling overwhelmed. I would recommend just talking a lot to your brother. Even if he can’t respond to you, he understands you. You tell him exactly what you told us. That you didn’t know before that hitting and yelling at him was bad. But you know better now that you’re older and have learned new things about autism. You’re going to stop hitting him and yelling at him and hope you two can work together to have peace as brothers even if your mom yells and hits you. If you feel comfortable with it, and if your brother is comfortable with it, you should try to hug him often. Try to envision you and your brother as a team. Starting this new behavior will not be easy, your brother will hit you and fight you a lot in the beginning, but you just stay consistent in your kindness and he’ll eventually catch on. This is not an easy road my friend, but the future can be so bright for you and your brother if you start taking steps now to change your lives. Talk to your brother all the time about your intentions and why you’re doing what you’re doing - repetition helps them remember. You can do this. Keep strong., Your brother is lucky to have you in his life. Keep fighting for him., I'm so sorry this is happening to you, kudos for trying to defend yourself and your brother, but please seek out help from adults with the power to intervene. https://kidshelpphone.ca/urgent-help You can call or text this helpline for advice. I don't know what province you are in, each one has its own list of services that can help, but kids help phone should be able to assist you there. You could also report this to your Doctor, who should be able to connect you with social services. You may even have a physical location you can visit in person for help or advice., Hi kid, you are super brave for standing up to your mom. I understand you don’t want to involve the police or child protective services, but your mom needs a serious intervention so you will need to involve someone, perhaps someone at your school or his school? Your mom needs to be educated on ASD, as it will help not only your brother, but also give everyone tools to work through his melt downs and ultimately help him learn to self soothe and help him be more independent later in life. One thing I have seen with parents who physically discipline their children is that eventually those children are going grow up and get to a point where they are going to hit back because that’s what they know. If violence is the default, as he gets older he is going to become more violent and may not be able to control it or stop himself because he doesn’t have to tools to do so. When he gets older he will seriously hurt himself or someone else. Intervention needs to happen now. Please reach out to a trusted adult., In most parts of the world, she cannot hit you or your brother, period. If you have to hit her to defend yourself or your brother, nobody in any position of authority will hold that against you. I would call child protective services immediately and start a case against her. It is not going to get easier over the next 4 years, and the next time she hits you or your brother, you call the police immediately and let them tell her what she is allowed to do. You and your brother might wind up in a foster home or with some obscure relative for a while, but you and he will not get beaten, which is what you and he deserves., May we know, in what country are you living? So that we can suggest what kind of help available to you. You did great. You're living in toxic environment. Seriously, you and your brother may need to leave the toxic environment. But we understand, you're 14 so maybe nowhere else to go. Your mom needs therapy. I wish somebody will come to help you. Is there any trustworthy adults or teachers or psychologists who understand autism, nearby in your place or school?, You sound like an amazing kid who is working on overcoming generational trauma. I wish I could just take you and your brother in. I understand you love you mom. That's 100% normal. That being said, your mom needs real help learning to be a good parent. She is abusive. It's not your fault or your brothers fault. I know a lot of adults who came from abusive homes who overcame their trauma and are great parents. She chose her path of continuing the cycle. In the states CPS sometimes works with parents to develop better coping skills. I don't know if there is something like that in Canada. I don't know how often it actually works. One thing you need to remember is, anyone who uses violence or emotional manipulations to get what they want is a bully. I'd be honored to care for a kid like you and your brother. You are gifts to this world., call 911 and report, You need to tak to someone. Thats to much for all of you! Think about who you be as honest as you have just now, Report her ass, You obviously have a phone yeah? Please record when she is hitting your brother and be his saving grace. Report this. This can’t go on any longer. I’m so sorry I don’t know what else to say., You are such a good kid. Pls tell us what country you’re in so we can find the right services for you to call. Are you both in school?, Im gonna try to explain whats going on cuz its important to know its complicated and definitely not your fault. When he hits you he is having something called a meltdown. It's kinda like a tantrum but he can't help it. Autistic people can be alexathymic (which means they don't really intuitively understand how others feel and instead project their feelings onto others), very anxious, and also prone to black and white thoughts (so either he's "good" or very very evil). Sometimes when you explain things to autistic people they can see your feelings as an attack and that leads to a meltdown. So "that hurts me" might be obvious, but it can trigger the alexithymia, which makes them realize they don't actually understand how you feel and that they actually hurt you, and then they go into a shame spiral (becuase they hurt you and are therefore "the worst" cuz the only options are black and white extremes). And this leads to meltdowns. Complicating all this is that autism is heritable - and we dont know how or to what degree yet. So your mom who isn't evaluated for autism is just that, not evaluated, and might be going through the same set of spirals as your bro - which is going to make getting the two of them to stop by "correcting" them pretty much impossible for a 14 year old. So again, i want to emphasise this is not in any way at all your fault, and there isnt much you can do to fix the entire issue - so not your fault at all. With my autistic husband, his mom shares his same asd traits (but shes undiagnosed), and when they have major issues it's becuase their meltdowns trigger meltdowns at the other, and their alexithymia means they can't emotionally relate to the other. These are very very big, adult problems and not something you can solve. But here are things you can do: Google distress tolerance skills for autism. Things like the mammalian dive reflex or hugging a squishmallow stuffed toy, can actually help your bro with the anxiety and meltdowns, and it's something a 14 year old can actually make a difference with. You can bring him the squishmallow or stuffed toy or ice pack. Lastly, as someone with likely undiagnosed neurodiverse parents, I totally understand where you are at. It's a horrible situation and it really sucks. But it's absolutely not your fault at all, and I really truely 100 percent mean that. It's not your fault at all. I've found success with my own parents by not "correcting" (so don't tell your mom explicitly that she's wrong) but instead learning more about neurodiveristy tactics and showing that they work. So more "my way worked last time, can we try my way?" and then bringing over the squishmallow to help with distress. People will course correct for what is easiest and works when they see it. And thats how you can help make things less shitty. It's not going to solve the entire issue (and we don't expect it to), but it's something you can do so your situation isn't hopeless. And again - 100 percent not your fault and I truely mean that., I want to thank you for stepping up and understanding ASD! Bravo to you! Ask your mom to change and she will or may see the behavior in your brother. Have a heart to heart talk with her when she is calm., Your response accurately reflects on my situation.Thank you for answering., Such a great wisdom and advice. Thank you, Thanks for answering.I really don’t want to have to call the police on her.When it comes to me she rarely hits me and when she does it’s never that bad.Its different when it comes to my brother tho.Because even though she doesn’t hit him as hard she does more often and he takes it in a completely different way which makes it so much worse.I am in no way defending her actions but i just think she is so ignorant and unaware about the things i’m telling her because she went through a lot of abuse in her early life and is unhealed.and she thinks she doesn’t need help either. she is an immigrant who is still going through the process and sacrificed a lot for me and my brother yet she is oblivious to certain things she’s doing wrong and it’s sad because i know she loves us.I just don’t understand why she can’t listen i’m getting tired of it.I don’t wanna have to involve police or cps.But…, "Don't argue, just ignore." "Focus on your brother." Such a wisdom. Sometimes arguing will get us to nothing, when the other party doesn't want to listen. You're like a hero to your brother. But you're also just a normal person.. hope you'll get the help you deserve. Our prayers for you.., Can therapist come to your house? You're such a sweet son. Sometimes, people need a wake up call to change for the better. Can someone send a therapist or psychologist to your mom? Until when you & your brother will get abused? This needs to be stopped as soon as possible. The longer it is, the longer it may take for you & your brother to heal from the trauma. And the longer it takes for your mom to heal too. You're such a brave person. My heart goes to you. May God opens up your mother's heart and stop beating you & your brother. But we need to do something for our prayers to be granted. Your mom's friends are not really friends, they're so toxic. Your father is negligent. They're ignorant. How about your teachers?, My older sister watched my dad hit me too and made excuses for him and did nothing, she is now a 45 year old miserable alcoholic that calls me once a year drunk crying and apologizing for not doing more to help., Damn kiddo. You got a big old brain between those ears and a good heart. You keep on the path of no violence. If you feel unsafe, tell an adult at school. You or your brother don't deserve that treatment., You have not done anything to deserve this. I wish I stood up to my parents more and used CPS to make them stop. It won't be easy, but you should protect you and your brother. Talk to your teachers, school counselors, any trusted adult and ask them to be with you when you call the police or child protective services. Have them help you call a trusted relative and tell them what is about to happen. Don't let anyone talk you out of it. Break the cycle and come back here when you can and let us know how you're doing., I also have a parent that lashes out in violence when you try to help correct any wrong behavior in any way shape or form. I can see what you’re doing because I used to do the same things when I was younger. You’re trying to fix everything. You’re trying to fix your mom’s anger. You’re trying to fix your brother. You’re trying to fix everyone’s relationship, because you can see where all the hurt and anger is. Since you can see it, it must be up to you to fix it, right? I don’t think that’s right. This should not be on your shoulders. One thing that will take you many years to learn after many failed attempts is that you cannot fix it. And it’s not because you didn’t try hard enough. You are trying your absolute best, even more than that I’m sure! But your mom is too broken herself to help you right now, and she is not in the space to be fixed. She will continue to yell at your brother until she can see change in him. You are not in charge of fixing her. I would say just focus on your brother. When your mom yells at you or him, just ignore her. Don’t yell back, don’t try to reason with her, just ignore her. I believe you 100% that you didn’t mean to hit your mom, and that it was just an accident. Just stay silent when she’s yelling and respond with yes or no when she asks you a question. When she starts yelling at your brother, get between them and move him into a different room if possible. Separating them will hopefully help your brother with feeling overwhelmed. I would recommend just talking a lot to your brother. Even if he can’t respond to you, he understands you. You tell him exactly what you told us. That you didn’t know before that hitting and yelling at him was bad. But you know better now that you’re older and have learned new things about autism. You’re going to stop hitting him and yelling at him and hope you two can work together to have peace as brothers even if your mom yells and hits you. If you feel comfortable with it, and if your brother is comfortable with it, you should try to hug him often. Try to envision you and your brother as a team. Starting this new behavior will not be easy, your brother will hit you and fight you a lot in the beginning, but you just stay consistent in your kindness and he’ll eventually catch on. This is not an easy road my friend, but the future can be so bright for you and your brother if you start taking steps now to change your lives. Talk to your brother all the time about your intentions and why you’re doing what you’re doing - repetition helps them remember. You can do this. Keep strong., Your brother is lucky to have you in his life. Keep fighting for him., I'm so sorry this is happening to you, kudos for trying to defend yourself and your brother, but please seek out help from adults with the power to intervene. https://kidshelpphone.ca/urgent-help You can call or text this helpline for advice. I don't know what province you are in, each one has its own list of services that can help, but kids help phone should be able to assist you there. You could also report this to your Doctor, who should be able to connect you with social services. You may even have a physical location you can visit in person for help or advice., Hi kid, you are super brave for standing up to your mom. I understand you don’t want to involve the police or child protective services, but your mom needs a serious intervention so you will need to involve someone, perhaps someone at your school or his school? Your mom needs to be educated on ASD, as it will help not only your brother, but also give everyone tools to work through his melt downs and ultimately help him learn to self soothe and help him be more independent later in life. One thing I have seen with parents who physically discipline their children is that eventually those children are going grow up and get to a point where they are going to hit back because that’s what they know. If violence is the default, as he gets older he is going to become more violent and may not be able to control it or stop himself because he doesn’t have to tools to do so. When he gets older he will seriously hurt himself or someone else. Intervention needs to happen now. Please reach out to a trusted adult., In most parts of the world, she cannot hit you or your brother, period. If you have to hit her to defend yourself or your brother, nobody in any position of authority will hold that against you. I would call child protective services immediately and start a case against her. It is not going to get easier over the next 4 years, and the next time she hits you or your brother, you call the police immediately and let them tell her what she is allowed to do. You and your brother might wind up in a foster home or with some obscure relative for a while, but you and he will not get beaten, which is what you and he deserves., May we know, in what country are you living? So that we can suggest what kind of help available to you. You did great. You're living in toxic environment. Seriously, you and your brother may need to leave the toxic environment. But we understand, you're 14 so maybe nowhere else to go. Your mom needs therapy. I wish somebody will come to help you. Is there any trustworthy adults or teachers or psychologists who understand autism, nearby in your place or school?, You sound like an amazing kid who is working on overcoming generational trauma. I wish I could just take you and your brother in. I understand you love you mom. That's 100% normal. That being said, your mom needs real help learning to be a good parent. She is abusive. It's not your fault or your brothers fault. I know a lot of adults who came from abusive homes who overcame their trauma and are great parents. She chose her path of continuing the cycle. In the states CPS sometimes works with parents to develop better coping skills. I don't know if there is something like that in Canada. I don't know how often it actually works. One thing you need to remember is, anyone who uses violence or emotional manipulations to get what they want is a bully. I'd be honored to care for a kid like you and your brother. You are gifts to this world., call 911 and report, You need to tak to someone. Thats to much for all of you! Think about who you be as honest as you have just now, Report her ass, You obviously have a phone yeah? Please record when she is hitting your brother and be his saving grace. Report this. This can’t go on any longer. I’m so sorry I don’t know what else to say., You are such a good kid. Pls tell us what country you’re in so we can find the right services for you to call. Are you both in school?, Im gonna try to explain whats going on cuz its important to know its complicated and definitely not your fault. When he hits you he is having something called a meltdown. It's kinda like a tantrum but he can't help it. Autistic people can be alexathymic (which means they don't really intuitively understand how others feel and instead project their feelings onto others), very anxious, and also prone to black and white thoughts (so either he's "good" or very very evil). Sometimes when you explain things to autistic people they can see your feelings as an attack and that leads to a meltdown. So "that hurts me" might be obvious, but it can trigger the alexithymia, which makes them realize they don't actually understand how you feel and that they actually hurt you, and then they go into a shame spiral (becuase they hurt you and are therefore "the worst" cuz the only options are black and white extremes). And this leads to meltdowns. Complicating all this is that autism is heritable - and we dont know how or to what degree yet. So your mom who isn't evaluated for autism is just that, not evaluated, and might be going through the same set of spirals as your bro - which is going to make getting the two of them to stop by "correcting" them pretty much impossible for a 14 year old. So again, i want to emphasise this is not in any way at all your fault, and there isnt much you can do to fix the entire issue - so not your fault at all. With my autistic husband, his mom shares his same asd traits (but shes undiagnosed), and when they have major issues it's becuase their meltdowns trigger meltdowns at the other, and their alexithymia means they can't emotionally relate to the other. These are very very big, adult problems and not something you can solve. But here are things you can do: Google distress tolerance skills for autism. Things like the mammalian dive reflex or hugging a squishmallow stuffed toy, can actually help your bro with the anxiety and meltdowns, and it's something a 14 year old can actually make a difference with. You can bring him the squishmallow or stuffed toy or ice pack. Lastly, as someone with likely undiagnosed neurodiverse parents, I totally understand where you are at. It's a horrible situation and it really sucks. But it's absolutely not your fault at all, and I really truely 100 percent mean that. It's not your fault at all. I've found success with my own parents by not "correcting" (so don't tell your mom explicitly that she's wrong) but instead learning more about neurodiveristy tactics and showing that they work. So more "my way worked last time, can we try my way?" and then bringing over the squishmallow to help with distress. People will course correct for what is easiest and works when they see it. And thats how you can help make things less shitty. It's not going to solve the entire issue (and we don't expect it to), but it's something you can do so your situation isn't hopeless. And again - 100 percent not your fault and I truely mean that., I want to thank you for stepping up and understanding ASD! Bravo to you! Ask your mom to change and she will or may see the behavior in your brother. Have a heart to heart talk with her when she is calm., Your response accurately reflects on my situation.Thank you for answering., Such a great wisdom and advice. Thank you, Thanks for answering.I really don’t want to have to call the police on her.When it comes to me she rarely hits me and when she does it’s never that bad.Its different when it comes to my brother tho.Because even though she doesn’t hit him as hard she does more often and he takes it in a completely different way which makes it so much worse.I am in no way defending her actions but i just think she is so ignorant and unaware about the things i’m telling her because she went through a lot of abuse in her early life and is unhealed.and she thinks she doesn’t need help either. she is an immigrant who is still going through the process and sacrificed a lot for me and my brother yet she is oblivious to certain things she’s doing wrong and it’s sad because i know she loves us.I just don’t understand why she can’t listen i’m getting tired of it.I don’t wanna have to involve police or cps.But…, "Don't argue, just ignore." "Focus on your brother." Such a wisdom. Sometimes arguing will get us to nothing, when the other party doesn't want to listen. You're like a hero to your brother. But you're also just a normal person.. hope you'll get the help you deserve. Our prayers for you.., Can therapist come to your house? You're such a sweet son. Sometimes, people need a wake up call to change for the better. Can someone send a therapist or psychologist to your mom? Until when you & your brother will get abused? This needs to be stopped as soon as possible. The longer it is, the longer it may take for you & your brother to heal from the trauma. And the longer it takes for your mom to heal too. You're such a brave person. My heart goes to you. May God opens up your mother's heart and stop beating you & your brother. But we need to do something for our prayers to be granted. Your mom's friends are not really friends, they're so toxic. Your father is negligent. They're ignorant. How about your teachers?, My older sister watched my dad hit me too and made excuses for him and did nothing, she is now a 45 year old miserable alcoholic that calls me once a year drunk crying and apologizing for not doing more to help., Damn kiddo. You got a big old brain between those ears and a good heart. You keep on the path of no violence. If you feel unsafe, tell an adult at school. You or your brother don't deserve that treatment., You have not done anything to deserve this. I wish I stood up to my parents more and used CPS to make them stop. It won't be easy, but you should protect you and your brother. Talk to your teachers, school counselors, any trusted adult and ask them to be with you when you call the police or child protective services. Have them help you call a trusted relative and tell them what is about to happen. Don't let anyone talk you out of it. Break the cycle and come back here when you can and let us know how you're doing., I also have a parent that lashes out in violence when you try to help correct any wrong behavior in any way shape or form. I can see what you’re doing because I used to do the same things when I was younger. You’re trying to fix everything. You’re trying to fix your mom’s anger. You’re trying to fix your brother. You’re trying to fix everyone’s relationship, because you can see where all the hurt and anger is. Since you can see it, it must be up to you to fix it, right? I don’t think that’s right. This should not be on your shoulders. One thing that will take you many years to learn after many failed attempts is that you cannot fix it. And it’s not because you didn’t try hard enough. You are trying your absolute best, even more than that I’m sure! But your mom is too broken herself to help you right now, and she is not in the space to be fixed. She will continue to yell at your brother until she can see change in him. You are not in charge of fixing her. I would say just focus on your brother. When your mom yells at you or him, just ignore her. Don’t yell back, don’t try to reason with her, just ignore her. I believe you 100% that you didn’t mean to hit your mom, and that it was just an accident. Just stay silent when she’s yelling and respond with yes or no when she asks you a question. When she starts yelling at your brother, get between them and move him into a different room if possible. Separating them will hopefully help your brother with feeling overwhelmed. I would recommend just talking a lot to your brother. Even if he can’t respond to you, he understands you. You tell him exactly what you told us. That you didn’t know before that hitting and yelling at him was bad. But you know better now that you’re older and have learned new things about autism. You’re going to stop hitting him and yelling at him and hope you two can work together to have peace as brothers even if your mom yells and hits you. If you feel comfortable with it, and if your brother is comfortable with it, you should try to hug him often. Try to envision you and your brother as a team. Starting this new behavior will not be easy, your brother will hit you and fight you a lot in the beginning, but you just stay consistent in your kindness and he’ll eventually catch on. This is not an easy road my friend, but the future can be so bright for you and your brother if you start taking steps now to change your lives. Talk to your brother all the time about your intentions and why you’re doing what you’re doing - repetition helps them remember. You can do this. Keep strong., Your brother is lucky to have you in his life. Keep fighting for him., I'm so sorry this is happening to you, kudos for trying to defend yourself and your brother, but please seek out help from adults with the power to intervene. https://kidshelpphone.ca/urgent-help You can call or text this helpline for advice. I don't know what province you are in, each one has its own list of services that can help, but kids help phone should be able to assist you there. You could also report this to your Doctor, who should be able to connect you with social services. You may even have a physical location you can visit in person for help or advice., Hi kid, you are super brave for standing up to your mom. I understand you don’t want to involve the police or child protective services, but your mom needs a serious intervention so you will need to involve someone, perhaps someone at your school or his school? Your mom needs to be educated on ASD, as it will help not only your brother, but also give everyone tools to work through his melt downs and ultimately help him learn to self soothe and help him be more independent later in life. One thing I have seen with parents who physically discipline their children is that eventually those children are going grow up and get to a point where they are going to hit back because that’s what they know. If violence is the default, as he gets older he is going to become more violent and may not be able to control it or stop himself because he doesn’t have to tools to do so. When he gets older he will seriously hurt himself or someone else. Intervention needs to happen now. Please reach out to a trusted adult., In most parts of the world, she cannot hit you or your brother, period. If you have to hit her to defend yourself or your brother, nobody in any position of authority will hold that against you. I would call child protective services immediately and start a case against her. It is not going to get easier over the next 4 years, and the next time she hits you or your brother, you call the police immediately and let them tell her what she is allowed to do. You and your brother might wind up in a foster home or with some obscure relative for a while, but you and he will not get beaten, which is what you and he deserves., May we know, in what country are you living? So that we can suggest what kind of help available to you. You did great. You're living in toxic environment. Seriously, you and your brother may need to leave the toxic environment. But we understand, you're 14 so maybe nowhere else to go. Your mom needs therapy. I wish somebody will come to help you. Is there any trustworthy adults or teachers or psychologists who understand autism, nearby in your place or school?, You sound like an amazing kid who is working on overcoming generational trauma. I wish I could just take you and your brother in. I understand you love you mom. That's 100% normal. That being said, your mom needs real help learning to be a good parent. She is abusive. It's not your fault or your brothers fault. I know a lot of adults who came from abusive homes who overcame their trauma and are great parents. She chose her path of continuing the cycle. In the states CPS sometimes works with parents to develop better coping skills. I don't know if there is something like that in Canada. I don't know how often it actually works. One thing you need to remember is, anyone who uses violence or emotional manipulations to get what they want is a bully. I'd be honored to care for a kid like you and your brother. You are gifts to this world., call 911 and report, You need to tak to someone. Thats to much for all of you! Think about who you be as honest as you have just now, Report her ass, You obviously have a phone yeah? Please record when she is hitting your brother and be his saving grace. Report this. This can’t go on any longer. I’m so sorry I don’t know what else to say., You are such a good kid. Pls tell us what country you’re in so we can find the right services for you to call. Are you both in school?, Im gonna try to explain whats going on cuz its important to know its complicated and definitely not your fault. When he hits you he is having something called a meltdown. It's kinda like a tantrum but he can't help it. Autistic people can be alexathymic (which means they don't really intuitively understand how others feel and instead project their feelings onto others), very anxious, and also prone to black and white thoughts (so either he's "good" or very very evil). Sometimes when you explain things to autistic people they can see your feelings as an attack and that leads to a meltdown. So "that hurts me" might be obvious, but it can trigger the alexithymia, which makes them realize they don't actually understand how you feel and that they actually hurt you, and then they go into a shame spiral (becuase they hurt you and are therefore "the worst" cuz the only options are black and white extremes). And this leads to meltdowns. Complicating all this is that autism is heritable - and we dont know how or to what degree yet. So your mom who isn't evaluated for autism is just that, not evaluated, and might be going through the same set of spirals as your bro - which is going to make getting the two of them to stop by "correcting" them pretty much impossible for a 14 year old. So again, i want to emphasise this is not in any way at all your fault, and there isnt much you can do to fix the entire issue - so not your fault at all. With my autistic husband, his mom shares his same asd traits (but shes undiagnosed), and when they have major issues it's becuase their meltdowns trigger meltdowns at the other, and their alexithymia means they can't emotionally relate to the other. These are very very big, adult problems and not something you can solve. But here are things you can do: Google distress tolerance skills for autism. Things like the mammalian dive reflex or hugging a squishmallow stuffed toy, can actually help your bro with the anxiety and meltdowns, and it's something a 14 year old can actually make a difference with. You can bring him the squishmallow or stuffed toy or ice pack. Lastly, as someone with likely undiagnosed neurodiverse parents, I totally understand where you are at. It's a horrible situation and it really sucks. But it's absolutely not your fault at all, and I really truely 100 percent mean that. It's not your fault at all. I've found success with my own parents by not "correcting" (so don't tell your mom explicitly that she's wrong) but instead learning more about neurodiveristy tactics and showing that they work. So more "my way worked last time, can we try my way?" and then bringing over the squishmallow to help with distress. People will course correct for what is easiest and works when they see it. And thats how you can help make things less shitty. It's not going to solve the entire issue (and we don't expect it to), but it's something you can do so your situation isn't hopeless. And again - 100 percent not your fault and I truely mean that., I want to thank you for stepping up and understanding ASD! Bravo to you! Ask your mom to change and she will or may see the behavior in your brother. Have a heart to heart talk with her when she is calm., Your response accurately reflects on my situation.Thank you for answering., Such a great wisdom and advice. Thank you, Thanks for answering.I really don’t want to have to call the police on her.When it comes to me she rarely hits me and when she does it’s never that bad.Its different when it comes to my brother tho.Because even though she doesn’t hit him as hard she does more often and he takes it in a completely different way which makes it so much worse.I am in no way defending her actions but i just think she is so ignorant and unaware about the things i’m telling her because she went through a lot of abuse in her early life and is unhealed.and she thinks she doesn’t need help either. she is an immigrant who is still going through the process and sacrificed a lot for me and my brother yet she is oblivious to certain things she’s doing wrong and it’s sad because i know she loves us.I just don’t understand why she can’t listen i’m getting tired of it.I don’t wanna have to involve police or cps.But…, "Don't argue, just ignore." "Focus on your brother." Such a wisdom. Sometimes arguing will get us to nothing, when the other party doesn't want to listen. You're like a hero to your brother. But you're also just a normal person.. hope you'll get the help you deserve. Our prayers for you.., Can therapist come to your house? You're such a sweet son. Sometimes, people need a wake up call to change for the better. Can someone send a therapist or psychologist to your mom? Until when you & your brother will get abused? This needs to be stopped as soon as possible. The longer it is, the longer it may take for you & your brother to heal from the trauma. And the longer it takes for your mom to heal too. You're such a brave person. My heart goes to you. May God opens up your mother's heart and stop beating you & your brother. But we need to do something for our prayers to be granted. Your mom's friends are not really friends, they're so toxic. Your father is negligent. They're ignorant. How about your teachers?, My older sister watched my dad hit me too and made excuses for him and did nothing, she is now a 45 year old miserable alcoholic that calls me once a year drunk crying and apologizing for not doing more to help.
My nephew I’m helping raise may have autism	I live with my sister and nephew—and his dad is out of the picture so I practically help raise the little guy. He is the most precious baby boy. I love him more than anything!! He’s only 3. I’m worried about him being bullied as he grows up. What is life like with a child who is autistic? Were you scared? Do your kids suffer bullying? How do you protect them? What are things we need to know to prepare ourselves? Please help! I’m worried sick.	If he has autism, than he has autism. Autism is a spectrum and there are very different life paths. No point in worrying now, his life will unfold as he grows up., The unknown future can make you spiral. Every kid is different though; not every kid will have a bad experience socially. My nephew was diagnosed at 2 - he is 8 now. His experience has been somewhat opposite. His teacher reports that he is quite popular and well-liked by his classmates. However, he wants to blend in, be left alone. He is quiet, very focused on hobbies and interests, and doesn't really like socializing for the sake of it. One or two close friends is plenty for him., Really depends on the kids, the level of autism, how people in the area raise their kids, where this is, RCT. The list goes on. My son is fine but unless you know him you don’t really know anything is different about him. The biggest thing to know is this doesn’t change who he is. If he is autistic he has always been and always will be. It means he can get the supports he needs though if he needs them., Thank you for this. 💜, Thank you for this!! I absolutely loveeee hearing that 🥹🥹🥹💜, I appreciate your response. Thank you! 🙏🏽, If he has autism, than he has autism. Autism is a spectrum and there are very different life paths. No point in worrying now, his life will unfold as he grows up., The unknown future can make you spiral. Every kid is different though; not every kid will have a bad experience socially. My nephew was diagnosed at 2 - he is 8 now. His experience has been somewhat opposite. His teacher reports that he is quite popular and well-liked by his classmates. However, he wants to blend in, be left alone. He is quiet, very focused on hobbies and interests, and doesn't really like socializing for the sake of it. One or two close friends is plenty for him., Really depends on the kids, the level of autism, how people in the area raise their kids, where this is, RCT. The list goes on. My son is fine but unless you know him you don’t really know anything is different about him. The biggest thing to know is this doesn’t change who he is. If he is autistic he has always been and always will be. It means he can get the supports he needs though if he needs them., Thank you for this. 💜, Thank you for this!! I absolutely loveeee hearing that 🥹🥹🥹💜, I appreciate your response. Thank you! 🙏🏽, If he has autism, than he has autism. Autism is a spectrum and there are very different life paths. No point in worrying now, his life will unfold as he grows up., The unknown future can make you spiral. Every kid is different though; not every kid will have a bad experience socially. My nephew was diagnosed at 2 - he is 8 now. His experience has been somewhat opposite. His teacher reports that he is quite popular and well-liked by his classmates. However, he wants to blend in, be left alone. He is quiet, very focused on hobbies and interests, and doesn't really like socializing for the sake of it. One or two close friends is plenty for him., Really depends on the kids, the level of autism, how people in the area raise their kids, where this is, RCT. The list goes on. My son is fine but unless you know him you don’t really know anything is different about him. The biggest thing to know is this doesn’t change who he is. If he is autistic he has always been and always will be. It means he can get the supports he needs though if he needs them., Thank you for this. 💜, Thank you for this!! I absolutely loveeee hearing that 🥹🥹🥹💜, I appreciate your response. Thank you! 🙏🏽, If he has autism, than he has autism. Autism is a spectrum and there are very different life paths. No point in worrying now, his life will unfold as he grows up., The unknown future can make you spiral. Every kid is different though; not every kid will have a bad experience socially. My nephew was diagnosed at 2 - he is 8 now. His experience has been somewhat opposite. His teacher reports that he is quite popular and well-liked by his classmates. However, he wants to blend in, be left alone. He is quiet, very focused on hobbies and interests, and doesn't really like socializing for the sake of it. One or two close friends is plenty for him., Really depends on the kids, the level of autism, how people in the area raise their kids, where this is, RCT. The list goes on. My son is fine but unless you know him you don’t really know anything is different about him. The biggest thing to know is this doesn’t change who he is. If he is autistic he has always been and always will be. It means he can get the supports he needs though if he needs them., Thank you for this. 💜, Thank you for this!! I absolutely loveeee hearing that 🥹🥹🥹💜, I appreciate your response. Thank you! 🙏🏽
My parents think mocking My brother is helping him is this true?	So my brother is the one that has autism and I'm his brother so my brother is always having tantrums mostly shouting and repeating stuff so the therapist said that they should start mocking him so it will stop the tantrums but I'm a bit skeptical about it. Is it really helping him because he's getting annoyed and just repeats what people are saying like "It's OK no more tv" (the TV remote broke so we couldn't use it) and my parents mock him to stop him from repeating. I really need some advice whether if its really helpful.	I'm hoping that the therapist said to repeat his words rather than mock. Repeating something someone has said helps both people in the situation understand what may be going on. For example, if my son has repeatedly said he wants the tablet and is escalating I'll say "You want the tablet?" There's a mutual understanding that I did understand what he said and he could correct me if I was wrong. Mocking is not on the same page. Its intention is based not in understanding, but embarrassing the recipient. It can make an already tense situation worse and do not recommend that., Did the therapist say that, or did your parents say that they said that? What exactly do you mean by "mocking him"? What I'm getting at is I think there absolutely must be some misunderstanding going on somewhere, because I have a hard time believing a therapist with years of education on this subject matter would suggest mocking the disabled. Like that has to be you or your parents misunderstanding what they meant., My son's board certified behavioral analyst recommends affirming a true statement once like "yes, that's right, no more tv because the remote is broken", and then interrupting future repetitive phrases with something that changes the topic, so if he would start saying "it's ok..." again, we interrupt the loop and say something like "how do you feel today? Do you feel happy or sad?", No. That's called "abuse"., [deleted], Yikes get a new therapist for him. I’m so sorry you’re in a position where you may not be able to control it but forced to be around it. Sounds awful. I’m glad he has a good brother., That's verbal abuse, This is such a shit post, and these guppies are eating it right up. I don't believe for one second a therapist told them to mock him. The therapist probably told them to repeat what he said, and mock is your ignorant word for it. Yes, when my severe son repeats scripts, we say them too, to let him know we heard him. It's not mocking him. It's more like affirming we hear him even when it doesn't make any sense. This post made me glad we didn't try for more kids., Jesus Christ. No that's completely bizarre and cruel advice from a "professional". Your instincts are correct. Autistic people are just as deserving of respect as everyone. A lot of behaviors are self regulation called stimming and actually help us feel calm. Repeating things is a stim and can be soothing. Unless it's self harm or hurting others there is no need to stop autistic behaviors as they are just as valid as non autistic behaviors. There is a great FB group called Autism Inclusivity that your parents can join and ask questions. It's run by autistic adults so is a lot more helpful as they have direct knowledge that can help., You're a good brother for being concerned. Don't tease or mock your autistic brother. It's not going to change his behavior. It just hurts him and makes the situation so much worse. What he needs is love and acceptance. And definitely another therapist who understands autism. But that's not your responsibility. Just keep being a good brother to him. , This is disturbing. What the therapist is advising is abusive in my opinion. I would recommend the book "Uniquely Human" or the free podcast called "Uniquely Human" hosted by the author., Mocking? For example?, NO! What sort of therapist have they taken him to see!, Whether it's you or your parents, please read "Uniquely Human: a different perspective on autism". It will help you all understand what the right sort of help is for your brother., As an autistic person I can tell you that is absolutely not ok. How would they feel if they were being mocked? They probably didn’t think of that. Your brother is a human being and just as smart and valuable as anyone else. Mocking him not only belittles him but it doesn’t take his feelings into account. They need to stop like yesterday. And that therapist should be fired. There is a total lack of respect and compassion., Yep, find another therapist if they did say to mock him., that therapist needs to be reported., Agree with this 100%. Tell them not to mock., Inclusivity? Its more of a hate group., The gut says holy hell fire them. My years of experience in life says someone gravely misunderstood something., I do agree that they are quite strict about the rules of the group and they can be rude. They are invaluable for actual lived experience of autism tho and I would trust someone with autism to understand their own experiences better than a random professional who may or may not hold outdated and abusive beliefs such as the person that this family is dealing with. So many resources for autism are dehumanizing to autistic people and Autism Inclusivity is a group who cares deeply about autistic people being treated with respect. I agree that they can be rough and rude and dog pile on someone who won't abide by the groups rules.
My son can hum any song / rhyme he hears.	My son is 2 years old and since the time he was probably 13 months old he picks up any rhyme and keeps humming it. I would say the humming stopped a bit for 2 months or so but he is back at it. And this time it's not just mmmm but humming using mama, baba, nans, kaka, Dada. He doesn't have any functional words yet but know who mama baba are. What does this mean? Is he going to be musician? Or is this some kind of stimming? Or does this mean he is GLP?	I'd love to know too. My daughter hums everything. Lol, I mean he is probably a GLP if he is autistic. Nearly all autistic kids are GLP. If he has perfect pitch that would also indicate GLP. Can’t say if he’s going to be a musician or not but just continue to encourage his interests. If he’s interested in music, lean into that. Get him some kid instruments if you can, or put him in music therapy or toddler music groups. Sing with him and hum with him. Engaging with him at his level and on things he enjoys is the best thing you can do to help foster his development, What is GLP??, GLP stands for gestalt language processing, meaning that a child learns language through chunks of words/phrases instead of learning individual words and then learning how to combine those words, which is analytic language processing. An example of Gestalt language processing would be a child might hear their parents say, “The truck is so big!” and the child may repeat the entire phrase when they see trucks., I'd love to know too. My daughter hums everything. Lol, I mean he is probably a GLP if he is autistic. Nearly all autistic kids are GLP. If he has perfect pitch that would also indicate GLP. Can’t say if he’s going to be a musician or not but just continue to encourage his interests. If he’s interested in music, lean into that. Get him some kid instruments if you can, or put him in music therapy or toddler music groups. Sing with him and hum with him. Engaging with him at his level and on things he enjoys is the best thing you can do to help foster his development, What is GLP??, GLP stands for gestalt language processing, meaning that a child learns language through chunks of words/phrases instead of learning individual words and then learning how to combine those words, which is analytic language processing. An example of Gestalt language processing would be a child might hear their parents say, “The truck is so big!” and the child may repeat the entire phrase when they see trucks., I'd love to know too. My daughter hums everything. Lol, I mean he is probably a GLP if he is autistic. Nearly all autistic kids are GLP. If he has perfect pitch that would also indicate GLP. Can’t say if he’s going to be a musician or not but just continue to encourage his interests. If he’s interested in music, lean into that. Get him some kid instruments if you can, or put him in music therapy or toddler music groups. Sing with him and hum with him. Engaging with him at his level and on things he enjoys is the best thing you can do to help foster his development, What is GLP??, GLP stands for gestalt language processing, meaning that a child learns language through chunks of words/phrases instead of learning individual words and then learning how to combine those words, which is analytic language processing. An example of Gestalt language processing would be a child might hear their parents say, “The truck is so big!” and the child may repeat the entire phrase when they see trucks., I'd love to know too. My daughter hums everything. Lol, I mean he is probably a GLP if he is autistic. Nearly all autistic kids are GLP. If he has perfect pitch that would also indicate GLP. Can’t say if he’s going to be a musician or not but just continue to encourage his interests. If he’s interested in music, lean into that. Get him some kid instruments if you can, or put him in music therapy or toddler music groups. Sing with him and hum with him. Engaging with him at his level and on things he enjoys is the best thing you can do to help foster his development, What is GLP??, GLP stands for gestalt language processing, meaning that a child learns language through chunks of words/phrases instead of learning individual words and then learning how to combine those words, which is analytic language processing. An example of Gestalt language processing would be a child might hear their parents say, “The truck is so big!” and the child may repeat the entire phrase when they see trucks.
My son got rejected	My son just got rejected from a tutoring class that he was really interested in. I feel so hurt for my son. I can't help but think he's being rejected from every place (school, extra-curricular, etc) he's 4 and nonverbal. Does this get better?	It’s tough. We don’t know what to do with our son this summer. Last year we signed him up for a summer camp program. Met with them, explained his needs and got a full wrap around aid (provided by us). The Friday of the first week they asked us to pick him up and he could no longer attend … In the middle of lunch (they packed his lunch up while he was eating). He was devastated and it has made us hesitant to put him in anything else., I’m so sorry! It’s such a hurtful feeling. My daughter is 4 and has gotten rejected anywhere from dance classes, gyms, to private schools. It is a terrible feeling, but I just try to think of it as “ok they don’t have the resources to support her here, and so we will find somewhere that does.” I know it’s not the same, but recently I pulled my daughter out of school due to neglect. I had been trying to find a good school for her, I’ve followed recommendations from her therapists and when I would call they’d say “yes we have kids who are on the spectrum attend this school.” But after being honest about her needs or meeting her for an assessment they told me it wouldn’t be a right fit for her. It is very painful to hear. There’s a gym for neurodivergent children that I was recommended to and after an assessment they said, sorry no this isn’t for her. It sucks to hear that even a place made for neurodivergent kids won’t accept her. It’s so so painful. But the places that DO accept her (and she’s in a lot of programs) are amazing because the instructors/therapists are trained to handle her. (She’s a lot, I won’t lie). Anyway, I’m really sorry this happened and I hope you’re able to find an amazing class that can embrace your child and help them grow., I don’t have any advice but I feel for you. My son goes to a private school and we have a meeting with the teacher tomorrow. I am worried they’re going to tell me he can’t return next year. It’s so heart breaking., I'm sorry this has happened to you and your son. I have what maybe a stupid question. You say your son is non-verbal, how did he communicate to you that he was really interested in this class? Or did you just know? My son is 2.5 and nonverbal for reference, I'm just curious is all. Thanks, My kid is 4 and suspected level 1. Got rejected from the nicest private preschool in our area after an in-class assessment where he was overexcited (jumping on a table) and not verbal enough (not answering questions). It's a tough pill to swallow because he's very advanced academically, and they were offering the best education., Same :( rejected from 3 private schools and activities, I'm sorry. It's heartbreaking for you and him. When my son was 3.5 - 4 years old, he went through a musical instrument special interest phase. He could probably name 50 - 75 musical instruments and tell you what country they were from. His preschool has an extracurricular class on music appreciation, where kids got to see, learn, and play new and different instruments -- perfect and right up his alley. The instructors kicked him out after the first class. They acknowledged his passion, but he just couldn't sit still. We need to be resilient for our kids and hopefully model and teach resilience to them because this is going to happen over and over, unfortunately., Are you in the US? Is there a public school with a preschool special ed program? We have our non verbal 4 year old in a public school. He gets OT and speech therapy as part of the curriculum. IDEA mandates that all public schools must provide special education to meet their IEP. We don’t know what we’re going to be able to do for summer, though., Do you mind if I ask what level of autism does he have ?, Sending love to you, this is hard ❤️, Reading your comment really makes me feel heard. I legit feel the same way. Sending love ❤️, Sending love and best wishes to you before the meeting ❤️, No worries at all! I knew he was interested because they had a lot of tactile learning materials, and he just wanted to work on them. Granted, he didn't know how to put them away properly, and I think this is what threw the teacher off. Normally when is disinterested in something, he tries to leave the space., Sending love to you ❤️, His diagnosis is moderate to severe., You know it may not be a bad thing if he's not in those classes. My son is 4 as well and I have already noticed some bullying against him by other kids. Hence I try to get him involved only in activities where I am there to supervise and keep him away from hostile environments. I feel that those environments have or can have a much more negative effect on him vs any potential benefits. Be his best friend and playmate buddy. Or I'd say get him involved in activities where there aren't those external factors. Wish him the best., That's actually a wonderful way of looking at it. Thank for sharing! Wishing you all the best too!, It’s tough. We don’t know what to do with our son this summer. Last year we signed him up for a summer camp program. Met with them, explained his needs and got a full wrap around aid (provided by us). The Friday of the first week they asked us to pick him up and he could no longer attend … In the middle of lunch (they packed his lunch up while he was eating). He was devastated and it has made us hesitant to put him in anything else., I’m so sorry! It’s such a hurtful feeling. My daughter is 4 and has gotten rejected anywhere from dance classes, gyms, to private schools. It is a terrible feeling, but I just try to think of it as “ok they don’t have the resources to support her here, and so we will find somewhere that does.” I know it’s not the same, but recently I pulled my daughter out of school due to neglect. I had been trying to find a good school for her, I’ve followed recommendations from her therapists and when I would call they’d say “yes we have kids who are on the spectrum attend this school.” But after being honest about her needs or meeting her for an assessment they told me it wouldn’t be a right fit for her. It is very painful to hear. There’s a gym for neurodivergent children that I was recommended to and after an assessment they said, sorry no this isn’t for her. It sucks to hear that even a place made for neurodivergent kids won’t accept her. It’s so so painful. But the places that DO accept her (and she’s in a lot of programs) are amazing because the instructors/therapists are trained to handle her. (She’s a lot, I won’t lie). Anyway, I’m really sorry this happened and I hope you’re able to find an amazing class that can embrace your child and help them grow., I don’t have any advice but I feel for you. My son goes to a private school and we have a meeting with the teacher tomorrow. I am worried they’re going to tell me he can’t return next year. It’s so heart breaking., I'm sorry this has happened to you and your son. I have what maybe a stupid question. You say your son is non-verbal, how did he communicate to you that he was really interested in this class? Or did you just know? My son is 2.5 and nonverbal for reference, I'm just curious is all. Thanks, My kid is 4 and suspected level 1. Got rejected from the nicest private preschool in our area after an in-class assessment where he was overexcited (jumping on a table) and not verbal enough (not answering questions). It's a tough pill to swallow because he's very advanced academically, and they were offering the best education., Same :( rejected from 3 private schools and activities, I'm sorry. It's heartbreaking for you and him. When my son was 3.5 - 4 years old, he went through a musical instrument special interest phase. He could probably name 50 - 75 musical instruments and tell you what country they were from. His preschool has an extracurricular class on music appreciation, where kids got to see, learn, and play new and different instruments -- perfect and right up his alley. The instructors kicked him out after the first class. They acknowledged his passion, but he just couldn't sit still. We need to be resilient for our kids and hopefully model and teach resilience to them because this is going to happen over and over, unfortunately., Are you in the US? Is there a public school with a preschool special ed program? We have our non verbal 4 year old in a public school. He gets OT and speech therapy as part of the curriculum. IDEA mandates that all public schools must provide special education to meet their IEP. We don’t know what we’re going to be able to do for summer, though., Do you mind if I ask what level of autism does he have ?, Sending love to you, this is hard ❤️, Reading your comment really makes me feel heard. I legit feel the same way. Sending love ❤️, Sending love and best wishes to you before the meeting ❤️, No worries at all! I knew he was interested because they had a lot of tactile learning materials, and he just wanted to work on them. Granted, he didn't know how to put them away properly, and I think this is what threw the teacher off. Normally when is disinterested in something, he tries to leave the space., Sending love to you ❤️, His diagnosis is moderate to severe., You know it may not be a bad thing if he's not in those classes. My son is 4 as well and I have already noticed some bullying against him by other kids. Hence I try to get him involved only in activities where I am there to supervise and keep him away from hostile environments. I feel that those environments have or can have a much more negative effect on him vs any potential benefits. Be his best friend and playmate buddy. Or I'd say get him involved in activities where there aren't those external factors. Wish him the best., That's actually a wonderful way of looking at it. Thank for sharing! Wishing you all the best too!, It’s tough. We don’t know what to do with our son this summer. Last year we signed him up for a summer camp program. Met with them, explained his needs and got a full wrap around aid (provided by us). The Friday of the first week they asked us to pick him up and he could no longer attend … In the middle of lunch (they packed his lunch up while he was eating). He was devastated and it has made us hesitant to put him in anything else., I’m so sorry! It’s such a hurtful feeling. My daughter is 4 and has gotten rejected anywhere from dance classes, gyms, to private schools. It is a terrible feeling, but I just try to think of it as “ok they don’t have the resources to support her here, and so we will find somewhere that does.” I know it’s not the same, but recently I pulled my daughter out of school due to neglect. I had been trying to find a good school for her, I’ve followed recommendations from her therapists and when I would call they’d say “yes we have kids who are on the spectrum attend this school.” But after being honest about her needs or meeting her for an assessment they told me it wouldn’t be a right fit for her. It is very painful to hear. There’s a gym for neurodivergent children that I was recommended to and after an assessment they said, sorry no this isn’t for her. It sucks to hear that even a place made for neurodivergent kids won’t accept her. It’s so so painful. But the places that DO accept her (and she’s in a lot of programs) are amazing because the instructors/therapists are trained to handle her. (She’s a lot, I won’t lie). Anyway, I’m really sorry this happened and I hope you’re able to find an amazing class that can embrace your child and help them grow., I don’t have any advice but I feel for you. My son goes to a private school and we have a meeting with the teacher tomorrow. I am worried they’re going to tell me he can’t return next year. It’s so heart breaking., I'm sorry this has happened to you and your son. I have what maybe a stupid question. You say your son is non-verbal, how did he communicate to you that he was really interested in this class? Or did you just know? My son is 2.5 and nonverbal for reference, I'm just curious is all. Thanks, My kid is 4 and suspected level 1. Got rejected from the nicest private preschool in our area after an in-class assessment where he was overexcited (jumping on a table) and not verbal enough (not answering questions). It's a tough pill to swallow because he's very advanced academically, and they were offering the best education., Same :( rejected from 3 private schools and activities, I'm sorry. It's heartbreaking for you and him. When my son was 3.5 - 4 years old, he went through a musical instrument special interest phase. He could probably name 50 - 75 musical instruments and tell you what country they were from. His preschool has an extracurricular class on music appreciation, where kids got to see, learn, and play new and different instruments -- perfect and right up his alley. The instructors kicked him out after the first class. They acknowledged his passion, but he just couldn't sit still. We need to be resilient for our kids and hopefully model and teach resilience to them because this is going to happen over and over, unfortunately., Are you in the US? Is there a public school with a preschool special ed program? We have our non verbal 4 year old in a public school. He gets OT and speech therapy as part of the curriculum. IDEA mandates that all public schools must provide special education to meet their IEP. We don’t know what we’re going to be able to do for summer, though., Do you mind if I ask what level of autism does he have ?, Sending love to you, this is hard ❤️, Reading your comment really makes me feel heard. I legit feel the same way. Sending love ❤️, Sending love and best wishes to you before the meeting ❤️, No worries at all! I knew he was interested because they had a lot of tactile learning materials, and he just wanted to work on them. Granted, he didn't know how to put them away properly, and I think this is what threw the teacher off. Normally when is disinterested in something, he tries to leave the space., Sending love to you ❤️, His diagnosis is moderate to severe., You know it may not be a bad thing if he's not in those classes. My son is 4 as well and I have already noticed some bullying against him by other kids. Hence I try to get him involved only in activities where I am there to supervise and keep him away from hostile environments. I feel that those environments have or can have a much more negative effect on him vs any potential benefits. Be his best friend and playmate buddy. Or I'd say get him involved in activities where there aren't those external factors. Wish him the best., That's actually a wonderful way of looking at it. Thank for sharing! Wishing you all the best too!, It’s tough. We don’t know what to do with our son this summer. Last year we signed him up for a summer camp program. Met with them, explained his needs and got a full wrap around aid (provided by us). The Friday of the first week they asked us to pick him up and he could no longer attend … In the middle of lunch (they packed his lunch up while he was eating). He was devastated and it has made us hesitant to put him in anything else., I’m so sorry! It’s such a hurtful feeling. My daughter is 4 and has gotten rejected anywhere from dance classes, gyms, to private schools. It is a terrible feeling, but I just try to think of it as “ok they don’t have the resources to support her here, and so we will find somewhere that does.” I know it’s not the same, but recently I pulled my daughter out of school due to neglect. I had been trying to find a good school for her, I’ve followed recommendations from her therapists and when I would call they’d say “yes we have kids who are on the spectrum attend this school.” But after being honest about her needs or meeting her for an assessment they told me it wouldn’t be a right fit for her. It is very painful to hear. There’s a gym for neurodivergent children that I was recommended to and after an assessment they said, sorry no this isn’t for her. It sucks to hear that even a place made for neurodivergent kids won’t accept her. It’s so so painful. But the places that DO accept her (and she’s in a lot of programs) are amazing because the instructors/therapists are trained to handle her. (She’s a lot, I won’t lie). Anyway, I’m really sorry this happened and I hope you’re able to find an amazing class that can embrace your child and help them grow., I don’t have any advice but I feel for you. My son goes to a private school and we have a meeting with the teacher tomorrow. I am worried they’re going to tell me he can’t return next year. It’s so heart breaking., I'm sorry this has happened to you and your son. I have what maybe a stupid question. You say your son is non-verbal, how did he communicate to you that he was really interested in this class? Or did you just know? My son is 2.5 and nonverbal for reference, I'm just curious is all. Thanks, My kid is 4 and suspected level 1. Got rejected from the nicest private preschool in our area after an in-class assessment where he was overexcited (jumping on a table) and not verbal enough (not answering questions). It's a tough pill to swallow because he's very advanced academically, and they were offering the best education., Same :( rejected from 3 private schools and activities, I'm sorry. It's heartbreaking for you and him. When my son was 3.5 - 4 years old, he went through a musical instrument special interest phase. He could probably name 50 - 75 musical instruments and tell you what country they were from. His preschool has an extracurricular class on music appreciation, where kids got to see, learn, and play new and different instruments -- perfect and right up his alley. The instructors kicked him out after the first class. They acknowledged his passion, but he just couldn't sit still. We need to be resilient for our kids and hopefully model and teach resilience to them because this is going to happen over and over, unfortunately., Are you in the US? Is there a public school with a preschool special ed program? We have our non verbal 4 year old in a public school. He gets OT and speech therapy as part of the curriculum. IDEA mandates that all public schools must provide special education to meet their IEP. We don’t know what we’re going to be able to do for summer, though., Do you mind if I ask what level of autism does he have ?, Sending love to you, this is hard ❤️, Reading your comment really makes me feel heard. I legit feel the same way. Sending love ❤️, Sending love and best wishes to you before the meeting ❤️, No worries at all! I knew he was interested because they had a lot of tactile learning materials, and he just wanted to work on them. Granted, he didn't know how to put them away properly, and I think this is what threw the teacher off. Normally when is disinterested in something, he tries to leave the space., Sending love to you ❤️, His diagnosis is moderate to severe., You know it may not be a bad thing if he's not in those classes. My son is 4 as well and I have already noticed some bullying against him by other kids. Hence I try to get him involved only in activities where I am there to supervise and keep him away from hostile environments. I feel that those environments have or can have a much more negative effect on him vs any potential benefits. Be his best friend and playmate buddy. Or I'd say get him involved in activities where there aren't those external factors. Wish him the best., That's actually a wonderful way of looking at it. Thank for sharing! Wishing you all the best too!
My son hates himself, and I don't know what to do about it	My son, 8, is on the spectrum. He has some verbal ticks and whatnot, but his main issues are with emotional regulation. He was kicked out of his day care when he was 2 or 3, before we had received his diagnosis, because he was hitting teachers and they didn't want to deal with it. He was pulled from public school in kindergarten and placed into a full-time (5 days/week) ABA therapy in a clinical setting due to his behavior. He would yell and hit teachers, growl and hiss, etc. He finished clinical therapy in time for first grade and came out a different boy than he was when he started. It was night & day. Since then, he's regressed. We couldn't get him any at-home therapy to build on what he learned, and over a year later we're still struggling to get that set up. He's a good kid. Smart, loving, kind, but he hates himself. He knows that he's different from the other kids and has trouble making friends. He will do things for attention, like hitting or pinching himself. This morning, he handed me a note that said "I love my classmates. I love my family. I hate myself". I don't know what to do with this. I don't know how to react. Part of me says that it's attention seeking. He will say things like this when he gets in trouble for something. "I'm stupid. I hate myself. I wish I wasn't born". Some of his behaviors, like him hitting himself, are attention-seeking. He's told me as much. I don't acknowledge it, and he doesn't do it around me anymore. He will do it in front of other family members who feed into the behaviors. But I truly believe that he does hate himself, and I don't know what to do about it. He's the middle of 3 children. His younger sister is also on the spectrum, so my wife and I's attention is very divided. I hate thinking like this, but I'm genuinely concerned that if we don't address this now, that he will end up taking his own life when he's older.	A less pathologizing approach. Sometimes I get burned out dealing with the school and trying to ‘fix’ my kid to fit into the broken world. It’s exhausting. I’m not saying don’t do it, but also try to focus on the good. What is your son awesome at? History, Lego? What does he love? Trains? What makes him special and unique? What isn’t going terribly wrong at the moment? Feed the good. Put up a bulletin board with “things Jim loves” on it. And encourage him to add something every week. Talk about what he is planning to add this week at each day. How will the family help him? Will you go for a walk this weekend to find a cool rock to take a picture of? Or Get involved with a peer with a shared interest. Join a local LEGO club at the library. Celebrate him going and being involved. You don’t need to celebrate awards or ‘success’ focus on effort. “Jim, last week you didn’t talk to anyone, today you said ‘hi’ when that girl said ‘hi’ to you. I thought that was a pretty cool thing. How did you feel about it?” Or Spend 10 minutes each night playing a game he loves and following his lead. You don’t make any rules or suggestions or anything, he leads. Here is a quick summary https://cgrc.org/blog/the-power-of-play-how-5-minutes-a-day-can/ My son volunteers at our church. He is seen very positively at the church. He gets to use my father’s keys to lock the doors at night sometimes. No one else is allowed to do that. When he has to take a break from school (often because he is in trouble), he sometimes goes there and helps out. After he hit a girl in the face on the bus and had to ‘take a break’ he went there and tightened the lids on 300 Holy Water bottles, because the elderly ladies found it hard to get them tightened due to arthritis. He was a hero! We are working on his challenging behaviour but it is very important it doesn’t become all about his problems. He is so much more than that. It also feels so much better for you! Good luck!, So first, I think reframing what attention seeking means. Is he seeking attention? Yes, but not just for the hell of it. Not to be the center of attention. He is seeking the attention of his trusted adults when he is feeling sad, and unable to use his own coping mechanisms and needs some external love, validation and support to help him get through the difficult emotions he is feeling. Second, his school environment doesn’t sound like it is working for him. What was his IEP and in school support like for first grade? Did he have a para? Was he pulled for time with OT/ Speech/ etc? Was he given plenty of support to adjust to the chance in environments between his clinical setting of K and educational setting of 1st?, I know everyone is quick to suggest therapy—but I think some therapy is needed here. I have autism/ADHD and definitely loathed myself by the time I was 8 or 9 for being different. It took me until age 30 or so to get therapy—I never hit a teacher but fought in elementary school. I really wish I’d had therapy sooner. It has improved my quality of life so much., This makes a lot of sense to me. I'll try some of this and see if it helps. He joined cub scouts, and he enjoys that, but the meetings aren't as frequent as I had hoped, so he's not getting as much out of it., I can just imagine the joy on his face saving all those elderly ladies! And the joy on the ladies faces for him! So sweet!, His IEP is, from my understanding, largely the same now as it was in first grade. Admittedly, I don't know all the details. My wife keeps up with that part more than me, as she isn't employed right now. I know that he has breaks, he's getting OT at the school. He's allowed sensory toys at his desk. So he's definitely getting added support at school. His teacher is also amazing. I wonder if he's being treated differently by the other students, and might be what's causing it. Kids can be cruel, especially with something they don't understand., Oh for sure. This is the reason I am wondering, not in a nosey way, but like more as a heads up to you to make sure he is getting all the support he can and should. I’m not asking you to list it all out or anything. But for instance, my daughters class had a student who was really struggling and the way that manifested was really difficult on the other students to learn because the teacher had to spend a significant amount of time helping him manage his emotions and obviously was difficult on him. That made it very noticeable to the other kids because their teacher wasn’t teaching them when this was happening, which was a lot. So it wasn’t going well for anyone, and that student’s struggles were highlighted to the rest of the class inadvertently because of the amount of support needed from the teacher. Once they got this student an aid that helped him while the teacher taught the class as a whole, both that student and the rest of the class benefited and it’s easier for the other student to play and make friends because he is getting adequate support to manage his emotions instead of the teacher just reacting when things where already out of control. So I don’t know the specifics but something like that arrangement may make it easier for him. It doesn’t need to be permanent, but to help him adjust and develop more comfort in the classroom., A less pathologizing approach. Sometimes I get burned out dealing with the school and trying to ‘fix’ my kid to fit into the broken world. It’s exhausting. I’m not saying don’t do it, but also try to focus on the good. What is your son awesome at? History, Lego? What does he love? Trains? What makes him special and unique? What isn’t going terribly wrong at the moment? Feed the good. Put up a bulletin board with “things Jim loves” on it. And encourage him to add something every week. Talk about what he is planning to add this week at each day. How will the family help him? Will you go for a walk this weekend to find a cool rock to take a picture of? Or Get involved with a peer with a shared interest. Join a local LEGO club at the library. Celebrate him going and being involved. You don’t need to celebrate awards or ‘success’ focus on effort. “Jim, last week you didn’t talk to anyone, today you said ‘hi’ when that girl said ‘hi’ to you. I thought that was a pretty cool thing. How did you feel about it?” Or Spend 10 minutes each night playing a game he loves and following his lead. You don’t make any rules or suggestions or anything, he leads. Here is a quick summary https://cgrc.org/blog/the-power-of-play-how-5-minutes-a-day-can/ My son volunteers at our church. He is seen very positively at the church. He gets to use my father’s keys to lock the doors at night sometimes. No one else is allowed to do that. When he has to take a break from school (often because he is in trouble), he sometimes goes there and helps out. After he hit a girl in the face on the bus and had to ‘take a break’ he went there and tightened the lids on 300 Holy Water bottles, because the elderly ladies found it hard to get them tightened due to arthritis. He was a hero! We are working on his challenging behaviour but it is very important it doesn’t become all about his problems. He is so much more than that. It also feels so much better for you! Good luck!, So first, I think reframing what attention seeking means. Is he seeking attention? Yes, but not just for the hell of it. Not to be the center of attention. He is seeking the attention of his trusted adults when he is feeling sad, and unable to use his own coping mechanisms and needs some external love, validation and support to help him get through the difficult emotions he is feeling. Second, his school environment doesn’t sound like it is working for him. What was his IEP and in school support like for first grade? Did he have a para? Was he pulled for time with OT/ Speech/ etc? Was he given plenty of support to adjust to the chance in environments between his clinical setting of K and educational setting of 1st?, I know everyone is quick to suggest therapy—but I think some therapy is needed here. I have autism/ADHD and definitely loathed myself by the time I was 8 or 9 for being different. It took me until age 30 or so to get therapy—I never hit a teacher but fought in elementary school. I really wish I’d had therapy sooner. It has improved my quality of life so much., This makes a lot of sense to me. I'll try some of this and see if it helps. He joined cub scouts, and he enjoys that, but the meetings aren't as frequent as I had hoped, so he's not getting as much out of it., I can just imagine the joy on his face saving all those elderly ladies! And the joy on the ladies faces for him! So sweet!, His IEP is, from my understanding, largely the same now as it was in first grade. Admittedly, I don't know all the details. My wife keeps up with that part more than me, as she isn't employed right now. I know that he has breaks, he's getting OT at the school. He's allowed sensory toys at his desk. So he's definitely getting added support at school. His teacher is also amazing. I wonder if he's being treated differently by the other students, and might be what's causing it. Kids can be cruel, especially with something they don't understand., Oh for sure. This is the reason I am wondering, not in a nosey way, but like more as a heads up to you to make sure he is getting all the support he can and should. I’m not asking you to list it all out or anything. But for instance, my daughters class had a student who was really struggling and the way that manifested was really difficult on the other students to learn because the teacher had to spend a significant amount of time helping him manage his emotions and obviously was difficult on him. That made it very noticeable to the other kids because their teacher wasn’t teaching them when this was happening, which was a lot. So it wasn’t going well for anyone, and that student’s struggles were highlighted to the rest of the class inadvertently because of the amount of support needed from the teacher. Once they got this student an aid that helped him while the teacher taught the class as a whole, both that student and the rest of the class benefited and it’s easier for the other student to play and make friends because he is getting adequate support to manage his emotions instead of the teacher just reacting when things where already out of control. So I don’t know the specifics but something like that arrangement may make it easier for him. It doesn’t need to be permanent, but to help him adjust and develop more comfort in the classroom., A less pathologizing approach. Sometimes I get burned out dealing with the school and trying to ‘fix’ my kid to fit into the broken world. It’s exhausting. I’m not saying don’t do it, but also try to focus on the good. What is your son awesome at? History, Lego? What does he love? Trains? What makes him special and unique? What isn’t going terribly wrong at the moment? Feed the good. Put up a bulletin board with “things Jim loves” on it. And encourage him to add something every week. Talk about what he is planning to add this week at each day. How will the family help him? Will you go for a walk this weekend to find a cool rock to take a picture of? Or Get involved with a peer with a shared interest. Join a local LEGO club at the library. Celebrate him going and being involved. You don’t need to celebrate awards or ‘success’ focus on effort. “Jim, last week you didn’t talk to anyone, today you said ‘hi’ when that girl said ‘hi’ to you. I thought that was a pretty cool thing. How did you feel about it?” Or Spend 10 minutes each night playing a game he loves and following his lead. You don’t make any rules or suggestions or anything, he leads. Here is a quick summary https://cgrc.org/blog/the-power-of-play-how-5-minutes-a-day-can/ My son volunteers at our church. He is seen very positively at the church. He gets to use my father’s keys to lock the doors at night sometimes. No one else is allowed to do that. When he has to take a break from school (often because he is in trouble), he sometimes goes there and helps out. After he hit a girl in the face on the bus and had to ‘take a break’ he went there and tightened the lids on 300 Holy Water bottles, because the elderly ladies found it hard to get them tightened due to arthritis. He was a hero! We are working on his challenging behaviour but it is very important it doesn’t become all about his problems. He is so much more than that. It also feels so much better for you! Good luck!, So first, I think reframing what attention seeking means. Is he seeking attention? Yes, but not just for the hell of it. Not to be the center of attention. He is seeking the attention of his trusted adults when he is feeling sad, and unable to use his own coping mechanisms and needs some external love, validation and support to help him get through the difficult emotions he is feeling. Second, his school environment doesn’t sound like it is working for him. What was his IEP and in school support like for first grade? Did he have a para? Was he pulled for time with OT/ Speech/ etc? Was he given plenty of support to adjust to the chance in environments between his clinical setting of K and educational setting of 1st?, I know everyone is quick to suggest therapy—but I think some therapy is needed here. I have autism/ADHD and definitely loathed myself by the time I was 8 or 9 for being different. It took me until age 30 or so to get therapy—I never hit a teacher but fought in elementary school. I really wish I’d had therapy sooner. It has improved my quality of life so much., This makes a lot of sense to me. I'll try some of this and see if it helps. He joined cub scouts, and he enjoys that, but the meetings aren't as frequent as I had hoped, so he's not getting as much out of it., I can just imagine the joy on his face saving all those elderly ladies! And the joy on the ladies faces for him! So sweet!, His IEP is, from my understanding, largely the same now as it was in first grade. Admittedly, I don't know all the details. My wife keeps up with that part more than me, as she isn't employed right now. I know that he has breaks, he's getting OT at the school. He's allowed sensory toys at his desk. So he's definitely getting added support at school. His teacher is also amazing. I wonder if he's being treated differently by the other students, and might be what's causing it. Kids can be cruel, especially with something they don't understand., Oh for sure. This is the reason I am wondering, not in a nosey way, but like more as a heads up to you to make sure he is getting all the support he can and should. I’m not asking you to list it all out or anything. But for instance, my daughters class had a student who was really struggling and the way that manifested was really difficult on the other students to learn because the teacher had to spend a significant amount of time helping him manage his emotions and obviously was difficult on him. That made it very noticeable to the other kids because their teacher wasn’t teaching them when this was happening, which was a lot. So it wasn’t going well for anyone, and that student’s struggles were highlighted to the rest of the class inadvertently because of the amount of support needed from the teacher. Once they got this student an aid that helped him while the teacher taught the class as a whole, both that student and the rest of the class benefited and it’s easier for the other student to play and make friends because he is getting adequate support to manage his emotions instead of the teacher just reacting when things where already out of control. So I don’t know the specifics but something like that arrangement may make it easier for him. It doesn’t need to be permanent, but to help him adjust and develop more comfort in the classroom., A less pathologizing approach. Sometimes I get burned out dealing with the school and trying to ‘fix’ my kid to fit into the broken world. It’s exhausting. I’m not saying don’t do it, but also try to focus on the good. What is your son awesome at? History, Lego? What does he love? Trains? What makes him special and unique? What isn’t going terribly wrong at the moment? Feed the good. Put up a bulletin board with “things Jim loves” on it. And encourage him to add something every week. Talk about what he is planning to add this week at each day. How will the family help him? Will you go for a walk this weekend to find a cool rock to take a picture of? Or Get involved with a peer with a shared interest. Join a local LEGO club at the library. Celebrate him going and being involved. You don’t need to celebrate awards or ‘success’ focus on effort. “Jim, last week you didn’t talk to anyone, today you said ‘hi’ when that girl said ‘hi’ to you. I thought that was a pretty cool thing. How did you feel about it?” Or Spend 10 minutes each night playing a game he loves and following his lead. You don’t make any rules or suggestions or anything, he leads. Here is a quick summary https://cgrc.org/blog/the-power-of-play-how-5-minutes-a-day-can/ My son volunteers at our church. He is seen very positively at the church. He gets to use my father’s keys to lock the doors at night sometimes. No one else is allowed to do that. When he has to take a break from school (often because he is in trouble), he sometimes goes there and helps out. After he hit a girl in the face on the bus and had to ‘take a break’ he went there and tightened the lids on 300 Holy Water bottles, because the elderly ladies found it hard to get them tightened due to arthritis. He was a hero! We are working on his challenging behaviour but it is very important it doesn’t become all about his problems. He is so much more than that. It also feels so much better for you! Good luck!, So first, I think reframing what attention seeking means. Is he seeking attention? Yes, but not just for the hell of it. Not to be the center of attention. He is seeking the attention of his trusted adults when he is feeling sad, and unable to use his own coping mechanisms and needs some external love, validation and support to help him get through the difficult emotions he is feeling. Second, his school environment doesn’t sound like it is working for him. What was his IEP and in school support like for first grade? Did he have a para? Was he pulled for time with OT/ Speech/ etc? Was he given plenty of support to adjust to the chance in environments between his clinical setting of K and educational setting of 1st?, I know everyone is quick to suggest therapy—but I think some therapy is needed here. I have autism/ADHD and definitely loathed myself by the time I was 8 or 9 for being different. It took me until age 30 or so to get therapy—I never hit a teacher but fought in elementary school. I really wish I’d had therapy sooner. It has improved my quality of life so much., This makes a lot of sense to me. I'll try some of this and see if it helps. He joined cub scouts, and he enjoys that, but the meetings aren't as frequent as I had hoped, so he's not getting as much out of it., I can just imagine the joy on his face saving all those elderly ladies! And the joy on the ladies faces for him! So sweet!, His IEP is, from my understanding, largely the same now as it was in first grade. Admittedly, I don't know all the details. My wife keeps up with that part more than me, as she isn't employed right now. I know that he has breaks, he's getting OT at the school. He's allowed sensory toys at his desk. So he's definitely getting added support at school. His teacher is also amazing. I wonder if he's being treated differently by the other students, and might be what's causing it. Kids can be cruel, especially with something they don't understand., Oh for sure. This is the reason I am wondering, not in a nosey way, but like more as a heads up to you to make sure he is getting all the support he can and should. I’m not asking you to list it all out or anything. But for instance, my daughters class had a student who was really struggling and the way that manifested was really difficult on the other students to learn because the teacher had to spend a significant amount of time helping him manage his emotions and obviously was difficult on him. That made it very noticeable to the other kids because their teacher wasn’t teaching them when this was happening, which was a lot. So it wasn’t going well for anyone, and that student’s struggles were highlighted to the rest of the class inadvertently because of the amount of support needed from the teacher. Once they got this student an aid that helped him while the teacher taught the class as a whole, both that student and the rest of the class benefited and it’s easier for the other student to play and make friends because he is getting adequate support to manage his emotions instead of the teacher just reacting when things where already out of control. So I don’t know the specifics but something like that arrangement may make it easier for him. It doesn’t need to be permanent, but to help him adjust and develop more comfort in the classroom.
My son hit his volleyball coach in the face with a ball	My son is 6 years old with Level 1 autism and ADHD. He went to one coach and threw the ball at her face. She reared back and it missed her. He then walked over to the other coach, got her attention, she turned around and he threw the ball at her face. I was sitting in the bleachers and saw the before and after but didn’t see the impact. I saw her touch her face, she said something to him and she left the gym. She came back and walked to the bathroom. She re-emerged and I walked over to ask if she was ok. She said she didn’t know. She said that she felt lightheaded and that she had had 8 prior concussions. I told her that I was so sorry that this happened, I asked her if she needed medical attention. She said no that she was going to wait to see how she felt. She said that she understands that it was an accident, that my son only meant it to go over her head. She said that she has had children try to intentionally hurt her before and that this was not that. I told her that we were going to leave the practice. This is the last volleyball class. My son didn’t want to leave. I had to speed walk around the gym to catch him and carry him kicking and screaming out of the gym. We had a big discussion about it at home. We talked about how his actions hurt his coach. We didn’t allow him to have dessert. He was upset and asked how he could get the dessert back. But we stood firm. He suggested writing an apology letter to the coach. He seems really upset with the realization and guilt of hurting someone else. He cried, we reassured him that we will always love him. I shared stories about how I have accidentally hurt other people without meaning to when I was a child. I still feel absolutely horrible. I’m anxious that my son is going to inadvertently hurt more people. Or that we are going to be sued. Or that he will not be allowed into extracurriculars. I wonder if he’s even developmentally ready for extracurriculars?? I’m also concerned about getting the punishment right. We do screens on the weekend, this happened on a Tuesday. Is it appropriate to take away screens this weekend or is that too disconnected from the incident? How do you guys handle situations like this?	I would say the screens are too disconnected as a punishment. He’s not going to link it as a reasonable consequence. I think your dessert punishment was good and sunk in for him, more punishment doesn’t seem necessary. The fact that he’s genuinely remorseful and didn’t do it on purpose is a good sign. I don’t think he’s doomed to never participate in extracurriculars. I would suggest playing volleyball with him and have a mock class. Reinforce expected behaviors and expectations like how to handle the ball, when to hit it to someone, never throwing it towards someone’s head, etc. He was just playing and didn’t know better. I find with my autistic son I have to be very explicit in what is okay and not okay. Good luck!, Apology letter seems like a great idea! I wouldn’t draw too much from this. Volleyball involves getting hit in the face with the ball. Obviously not like this, but it is part of the sport. And it seems like your kid understood the consequences and is sorry. Seems unlikely to happen again or something similar., Don't beat yourself up. I volunteer with some youth sports. If a tee baller gave me a black eye I wouldn't be upset with him; I'd be embarrassed I didn't catch/block the ball. If I coached volleyball I wouldn't be shocked to get hit with a volleyball, especially if the students are as young as 6. It sounds like your son understands and is remorseful. That's really all any parent can ask in a situation like that. Don't assume it'll be anything larger than an isolated incident until you have reason to. Your anxiety is valid but ultimately unhelpful. You did everything that I could have thought to do (and more tbh). You sound like a good, responsible parent and your child sounds like a sweet kid. Give yourself some grace and don't demand perfection., If the coach even says it was an accident, a punishment feels like too much. A nice apology letter is a fantastic idea. Maybe do some working together so that he learns from this mistake by throwing the ball back and forth from various distances so that he learns the appropriate strength to use. I wouldn't take away screens that far out. Even for a typical 6 year old, a punishment days away is not going to help., Were this my 6 year old, I’d have probably done similarly. It’s unfortunate, but understandable. My kids still get punished (time outs, no desserts/screens, etc) for putting people in danger or hurting others. This was huge for my son when his little sister was born because he didn’t understand not to put blankets on her head, not to pull her while she walks (he still doesn’t get this one if I’m honest), don’t crawl or jump over her, don’t run directly at her, and other unsafe actions. He has to know it’s not okay. I usually give a warning first if possible, and then punish for second offense with a long talk about it when he’s calm. Once he was so dysregulated after spending the night at his grandparents that he bit a friend of ours at their house the next day, and had to go home immediately (it was not my idea to go to the friend’s house that day in the first place, but that’s another issue 😑). So I completely sympathize with your situation and would probably have done the same thing - i.e. leaving - even if I didn’t want to. Apology letter, as others have said, does sound like a good idea, OR have your child (if able) apologize to the coaches specifically for aiming at their heads and/or hurting them. We have our kids give specific apologies for their behavior when they have hurt someone, even accidentally, or done something else that warrants an apology. Even if your kiddo was NT, OP, what you did would have been warranted, so I wouldn’t worry too much about that part., > She said that she has had children try to intentionally hurt her before I never knew being a volleyball coach was so dangerous... O.o, Coach should've dodged faster 😅, I would say the screens are too disconnected as a punishment. He’s not going to link it as a reasonable consequence. I think your dessert punishment was good and sunk in for him, more punishment doesn’t seem necessary. The fact that he’s genuinely remorseful and didn’t do it on purpose is a good sign. I don’t think he’s doomed to never participate in extracurriculars. I would suggest playing volleyball with him and have a mock class. Reinforce expected behaviors and expectations like how to handle the ball, when to hit it to someone, never throwing it towards someone’s head, etc. He was just playing and didn’t know better. I find with my autistic son I have to be very explicit in what is okay and not okay. Good luck!, Apology letter seems like a great idea! I wouldn’t draw too much from this. Volleyball involves getting hit in the face with the ball. Obviously not like this, but it is part of the sport. And it seems like your kid understood the consequences and is sorry. Seems unlikely to happen again or something similar., Don't beat yourself up. I volunteer with some youth sports. If a tee baller gave me a black eye I wouldn't be upset with him; I'd be embarrassed I didn't catch/block the ball. If I coached volleyball I wouldn't be shocked to get hit with a volleyball, especially if the students are as young as 6. It sounds like your son understands and is remorseful. That's really all any parent can ask in a situation like that. Don't assume it'll be anything larger than an isolated incident until you have reason to. Your anxiety is valid but ultimately unhelpful. You did everything that I could have thought to do (and more tbh). You sound like a good, responsible parent and your child sounds like a sweet kid. Give yourself some grace and don't demand perfection., If the coach even says it was an accident, a punishment feels like too much. A nice apology letter is a fantastic idea. Maybe do some working together so that he learns from this mistake by throwing the ball back and forth from various distances so that he learns the appropriate strength to use. I wouldn't take away screens that far out. Even for a typical 6 year old, a punishment days away is not going to help., Were this my 6 year old, I’d have probably done similarly. It’s unfortunate, but understandable. My kids still get punished (time outs, no desserts/screens, etc) for putting people in danger or hurting others. This was huge for my son when his little sister was born because he didn’t understand not to put blankets on her head, not to pull her while she walks (he still doesn’t get this one if I’m honest), don’t crawl or jump over her, don’t run directly at her, and other unsafe actions. He has to know it’s not okay. I usually give a warning first if possible, and then punish for second offense with a long talk about it when he’s calm. Once he was so dysregulated after spending the night at his grandparents that he bit a friend of ours at their house the next day, and had to go home immediately (it was not my idea to go to the friend’s house that day in the first place, but that’s another issue 😑). So I completely sympathize with your situation and would probably have done the same thing - i.e. leaving - even if I didn’t want to. Apology letter, as others have said, does sound like a good idea, OR have your child (if able) apologize to the coaches specifically for aiming at their heads and/or hurting them. We have our kids give specific apologies for their behavior when they have hurt someone, even accidentally, or done something else that warrants an apology. Even if your kiddo was NT, OP, what you did would have been warranted, so I wouldn’t worry too much about that part., > She said that she has had children try to intentionally hurt her before I never knew being a volleyball coach was so dangerous... O.o, Coach should've dodged faster 😅, I would say the screens are too disconnected as a punishment. He’s not going to link it as a reasonable consequence. I think your dessert punishment was good and sunk in for him, more punishment doesn’t seem necessary. The fact that he’s genuinely remorseful and didn’t do it on purpose is a good sign. I don’t think he’s doomed to never participate in extracurriculars. I would suggest playing volleyball with him and have a mock class. Reinforce expected behaviors and expectations like how to handle the ball, when to hit it to someone, never throwing it towards someone’s head, etc. He was just playing and didn’t know better. I find with my autistic son I have to be very explicit in what is okay and not okay. Good luck!, Apology letter seems like a great idea! I wouldn’t draw too much from this. Volleyball involves getting hit in the face with the ball. Obviously not like this, but it is part of the sport. And it seems like your kid understood the consequences and is sorry. Seems unlikely to happen again or something similar., Don't beat yourself up. I volunteer with some youth sports. If a tee baller gave me a black eye I wouldn't be upset with him; I'd be embarrassed I didn't catch/block the ball. If I coached volleyball I wouldn't be shocked to get hit with a volleyball, especially if the students are as young as 6. It sounds like your son understands and is remorseful. That's really all any parent can ask in a situation like that. Don't assume it'll be anything larger than an isolated incident until you have reason to. Your anxiety is valid but ultimately unhelpful. You did everything that I could have thought to do (and more tbh). You sound like a good, responsible parent and your child sounds like a sweet kid. Give yourself some grace and don't demand perfection., If the coach even says it was an accident, a punishment feels like too much. A nice apology letter is a fantastic idea. Maybe do some working together so that he learns from this mistake by throwing the ball back and forth from various distances so that he learns the appropriate strength to use. I wouldn't take away screens that far out. Even for a typical 6 year old, a punishment days away is not going to help., Were this my 6 year old, I’d have probably done similarly. It’s unfortunate, but understandable. My kids still get punished (time outs, no desserts/screens, etc) for putting people in danger or hurting others. This was huge for my son when his little sister was born because he didn’t understand not to put blankets on her head, not to pull her while she walks (he still doesn’t get this one if I’m honest), don’t crawl or jump over her, don’t run directly at her, and other unsafe actions. He has to know it’s not okay. I usually give a warning first if possible, and then punish for second offense with a long talk about it when he’s calm. Once he was so dysregulated after spending the night at his grandparents that he bit a friend of ours at their house the next day, and had to go home immediately (it was not my idea to go to the friend’s house that day in the first place, but that’s another issue 😑). So I completely sympathize with your situation and would probably have done the same thing - i.e. leaving - even if I didn’t want to. Apology letter, as others have said, does sound like a good idea, OR have your child (if able) apologize to the coaches specifically for aiming at their heads and/or hurting them. We have our kids give specific apologies for their behavior when they have hurt someone, even accidentally, or done something else that warrants an apology. Even if your kiddo was NT, OP, what you did would have been warranted, so I wouldn’t worry too much about that part., > She said that she has had children try to intentionally hurt her before I never knew being a volleyball coach was so dangerous... O.o, Coach should've dodged faster 😅, I would say the screens are too disconnected as a punishment. He’s not going to link it as a reasonable consequence. I think your dessert punishment was good and sunk in for him, more punishment doesn’t seem necessary. The fact that he’s genuinely remorseful and didn’t do it on purpose is a good sign. I don’t think he’s doomed to never participate in extracurriculars. I would suggest playing volleyball with him and have a mock class. Reinforce expected behaviors and expectations like how to handle the ball, when to hit it to someone, never throwing it towards someone’s head, etc. He was just playing and didn’t know better. I find with my autistic son I have to be very explicit in what is okay and not okay. Good luck!, Apology letter seems like a great idea! I wouldn’t draw too much from this. Volleyball involves getting hit in the face with the ball. Obviously not like this, but it is part of the sport. And it seems like your kid understood the consequences and is sorry. Seems unlikely to happen again or something similar., Don't beat yourself up. I volunteer with some youth sports. If a tee baller gave me a black eye I wouldn't be upset with him; I'd be embarrassed I didn't catch/block the ball. If I coached volleyball I wouldn't be shocked to get hit with a volleyball, especially if the students are as young as 6. It sounds like your son understands and is remorseful. That's really all any parent can ask in a situation like that. Don't assume it'll be anything larger than an isolated incident until you have reason to. Your anxiety is valid but ultimately unhelpful. You did everything that I could have thought to do (and more tbh). You sound like a good, responsible parent and your child sounds like a sweet kid. Give yourself some grace and don't demand perfection., If the coach even says it was an accident, a punishment feels like too much. A nice apology letter is a fantastic idea. Maybe do some working together so that he learns from this mistake by throwing the ball back and forth from various distances so that he learns the appropriate strength to use. I wouldn't take away screens that far out. Even for a typical 6 year old, a punishment days away is not going to help., Were this my 6 year old, I’d have probably done similarly. It’s unfortunate, but understandable. My kids still get punished (time outs, no desserts/screens, etc) for putting people in danger or hurting others. This was huge for my son when his little sister was born because he didn’t understand not to put blankets on her head, not to pull her while she walks (he still doesn’t get this one if I’m honest), don’t crawl or jump over her, don’t run directly at her, and other unsafe actions. He has to know it’s not okay. I usually give a warning first if possible, and then punish for second offense with a long talk about it when he’s calm. Once he was so dysregulated after spending the night at his grandparents that he bit a friend of ours at their house the next day, and had to go home immediately (it was not my idea to go to the friend’s house that day in the first place, but that’s another issue 😑). So I completely sympathize with your situation and would probably have done the same thing - i.e. leaving - even if I didn’t want to. Apology letter, as others have said, does sound like a good idea, OR have your child (if able) apologize to the coaches specifically for aiming at their heads and/or hurting them. We have our kids give specific apologies for their behavior when they have hurt someone, even accidentally, or done something else that warrants an apology. Even if your kiddo was NT, OP, what you did would have been warranted, so I wouldn’t worry too much about that part., > She said that she has had children try to intentionally hurt her before I never knew being a volleyball coach was so dangerous... O.o, Coach should've dodged faster 😅
My son is going to be starting “soccer” soon and I’m not sure how I feel about it..	I’m a 27(m) w/ 3 children. One is an 8 yr old level 2 autistic child. He’s very smart, and he’s a very beautiful kid that shows empathy and kindness but there are definitely meltdowns, excessive stimming, self-harm(occasional, we’re getting better with that), and of course, anxiety. Each year my fiancé enrolls him in this league called “top soccer” which is basically just soccer for children with special needs. It’s a pretty cool concept, except my son does not want to participate lol. I honestly don’t blame him, because it’s pretty disorganized, and if I picture myself in his shoes, I’d be pretty overstimulated too. It’s not like a game of pickup soccer, it’s more so different activities centered around a soccer ball. Anyways, last year’s program for our son was a bad experience. There would be atleast 2, 15-minute meltdowns each week we went, because everybody would try to get him to participate (including me and his mother). He would eventually join in, but it would be 5-10 min left before the session ends as he’s smart enough to know that it’s ending soon. I’ll be honest, we are the YOUNGEST parents there. We had him when we were both 17, so I understand, but it just feels like another social gathering where we’ll be judged harshly. I haveEXTREME social anxiety and “top soccer” just exacerbates it. My fiancé is pretty adamant on him doing it, because he’s gone through with it the past 3 years and it’s good exercise, but if he doesn’t want to participate isn’t it just a waste of time and money? Idk, thoughts? Thanks! Edit: thanks for the comments, we were both 19** when we had him not 17 Edit: I wrote this post at 2:30am, so i left out a lot of background info on how he did in the program initially. I apologize as that was pretty important info to leave out, I will admit. The 1st couple years he did it, he liked it and participated, this last year he suddenly became withdrawn from the activities and didn’t want to participate, we didn’t know if it was because somebody had said something to him or what had caused him to not want to participate. I’ll be honest, we’re not the greatest parents. We try though and we want what is best for him. The program hasn’t started yet, it’ll be in a week and we’re working on getting him ready for it by telling him what exactly it is he’ll be doing, etc. the thing is, when we ask him if he’s excited for soccer, he says “I can’t wait! Wow” and he gets excited about the thought of it. I just don’t know what to expect this year	I've played backyard soccer with my level 2 son and his cousin and he had a meltdown when he scored so yeah it's a tricky one. Just have him play right back and tell him to boot the ball as hard as he can anywhere he can if it goes near him., He doesn’t like it. Going through with it isn’t even the minimum when it’s causing meltdowns. Look for something else he can try. Ask him about it. My son last summer did one week camps in baseball, basketball, soccer, and fencing. He’s done gymnastics camp a few times too. He plays on a regular local soccer and bball little league and there’s surprisingly alot of other Audhd kids, I’ve learned from talking to the parents. And he blends right in. Especially because boys are all over as it is spinning and jumping and doing whatever. I stay for practices and games. It’s been going way better than I expected from the self proclaimed gamer who punches the wall or hits himself in the head at home over things that appear to the outside world to be minor., If a kid doesn't want to play a sport... don't make them. Soccer obviously isn't something he is enjoying, and perhaps something more low key would be a better fit. I can see how horribly stimulating that would be for him! My son would never do any type of team sport for that reason. Have you considered golf or something similar?, You have been a father to your 8 yo son for 10 years?, Maybe you mentioned it in your post, but I don't see it...I don't understand why you're trying to make him do something he clearly doesn't want to do and doesn't like. Your fiancé is being a bully. He's adamant on the kid doing it because...he did it before? That's literally insane., My daughter lasted 2 seasons of soccer, although we played it by ear most weeks wether she was in a good space to go. First year the team was pretty loose, they lost every game but they had fun. The club closed and the second year we signed up with a great new club but the team was very established and more competitive. At the end of the day, she gave it a good crack but between being uncomfortable in the sun on Saturday mornings, feeling out of place with her team and the general noise being over stimulating she just didn't enjoy it. I made her finish out the season but I never enrolled her again. It's a shame because when she was having a good week she enjoyed it and was improving so much. Ultimately we decided it just wasn't worth the negative feelings she has. It made her feel more bad about herself that she couldn't do it like the other kids and it's just not worth that blow to the self esteem just for some excercise., Let him do what he likes!, Right? This information is hurting my brain, We we’re both 19 typo, I wrote this post at 2:30am, so i left out a lot of background info on how he did in the program initially. I apologize as that was pretty important info to leave out, I will admit. The 1st couple years he did it, he liked it and participated, this last year he suddenly became withdrawn from the activities and didn’t want to participate, we didn’t know if it was because somebody had said something to him or what had caused him to not want to participate. I’ll be honest, we’re not the greatest parents. We try though and we want what is best for him. No my fiancé is not a bully to our son. And for you to assume such a thing is honestly pretty telling of who you are as a person. The program hasn’t started yet, it’ll be in a week and we’re working on getting him ready for it by telling him what exactly it is he’ll be doing, etc. the thing is, when we ask him if he’s excited for soccer, he says “I can’t wait! Wow” and he gets excited about the thought of it. I just don’t know what to expect this year., Yeah my son initially enjoyed top soccer the first couple years, he would have a meltdown but only because we left. One day it was like a switch went off where he didn’t want to participate at all. We’re trying again this year, but if the first session results in him not wanting to participate, we’ll end up just cancelling the rest of the season., I've played backyard soccer with my level 2 son and his cousin and he had a meltdown when he scored so yeah it's a tricky one. Just have him play right back and tell him to boot the ball as hard as he can anywhere he can if it goes near him., He doesn’t like it. Going through with it isn’t even the minimum when it’s causing meltdowns. Look for something else he can try. Ask him about it. My son last summer did one week camps in baseball, basketball, soccer, and fencing. He’s done gymnastics camp a few times too. He plays on a regular local soccer and bball little league and there’s surprisingly alot of other Audhd kids, I’ve learned from talking to the parents. And he blends right in. Especially because boys are all over as it is spinning and jumping and doing whatever. I stay for practices and games. It’s been going way better than I expected from the self proclaimed gamer who punches the wall or hits himself in the head at home over things that appear to the outside world to be minor., If a kid doesn't want to play a sport... don't make them. Soccer obviously isn't something he is enjoying, and perhaps something more low key would be a better fit. I can see how horribly stimulating that would be for him! My son would never do any type of team sport for that reason. Have you considered golf or something similar?, You have been a father to your 8 yo son for 10 years?, Maybe you mentioned it in your post, but I don't see it...I don't understand why you're trying to make him do something he clearly doesn't want to do and doesn't like. Your fiancé is being a bully. He's adamant on the kid doing it because...he did it before? That's literally insane., My daughter lasted 2 seasons of soccer, although we played it by ear most weeks wether she was in a good space to go. First year the team was pretty loose, they lost every game but they had fun. The club closed and the second year we signed up with a great new club but the team was very established and more competitive. At the end of the day, she gave it a good crack but between being uncomfortable in the sun on Saturday mornings, feeling out of place with her team and the general noise being over stimulating she just didn't enjoy it. I made her finish out the season but I never enrolled her again. It's a shame because when she was having a good week she enjoyed it and was improving so much. Ultimately we decided it just wasn't worth the negative feelings she has. It made her feel more bad about herself that she couldn't do it like the other kids and it's just not worth that blow to the self esteem just for some excercise., Let him do what he likes!, Right? This information is hurting my brain, We we’re both 19 typo, I wrote this post at 2:30am, so i left out a lot of background info on how he did in the program initially. I apologize as that was pretty important info to leave out, I will admit. The 1st couple years he did it, he liked it and participated, this last year he suddenly became withdrawn from the activities and didn’t want to participate, we didn’t know if it was because somebody had said something to him or what had caused him to not want to participate. I’ll be honest, we’re not the greatest parents. We try though and we want what is best for him. No my fiancé is not a bully to our son. And for you to assume such a thing is honestly pretty telling of who you are as a person. The program hasn’t started yet, it’ll be in a week and we’re working on getting him ready for it by telling him what exactly it is he’ll be doing, etc. the thing is, when we ask him if he’s excited for soccer, he says “I can’t wait! Wow” and he gets excited about the thought of it. I just don’t know what to expect this year., Yeah my son initially enjoyed top soccer the first couple years, he would have a meltdown but only because we left. One day it was like a switch went off where he didn’t want to participate at all. We’re trying again this year, but if the first session results in him not wanting to participate, we’ll end up just cancelling the rest of the season., I've played backyard soccer with my level 2 son and his cousin and he had a meltdown when he scored so yeah it's a tricky one. Just have him play right back and tell him to boot the ball as hard as he can anywhere he can if it goes near him., He doesn’t like it. Going through with it isn’t even the minimum when it’s causing meltdowns. Look for something else he can try. Ask him about it. My son last summer did one week camps in baseball, basketball, soccer, and fencing. He’s done gymnastics camp a few times too. He plays on a regular local soccer and bball little league and there’s surprisingly alot of other Audhd kids, I’ve learned from talking to the parents. And he blends right in. Especially because boys are all over as it is spinning and jumping and doing whatever. I stay for practices and games. It’s been going way better than I expected from the self proclaimed gamer who punches the wall or hits himself in the head at home over things that appear to the outside world to be minor., If a kid doesn't want to play a sport... don't make them. Soccer obviously isn't something he is enjoying, and perhaps something more low key would be a better fit. I can see how horribly stimulating that would be for him! My son would never do any type of team sport for that reason. Have you considered golf or something similar?, You have been a father to your 8 yo son for 10 years?, Maybe you mentioned it in your post, but I don't see it...I don't understand why you're trying to make him do something he clearly doesn't want to do and doesn't like. Your fiancé is being a bully. He's adamant on the kid doing it because...he did it before? That's literally insane., My daughter lasted 2 seasons of soccer, although we played it by ear most weeks wether she was in a good space to go. First year the team was pretty loose, they lost every game but they had fun. The club closed and the second year we signed up with a great new club but the team was very established and more competitive. At the end of the day, she gave it a good crack but between being uncomfortable in the sun on Saturday mornings, feeling out of place with her team and the general noise being over stimulating she just didn't enjoy it. I made her finish out the season but I never enrolled her again. It's a shame because when she was having a good week she enjoyed it and was improving so much. Ultimately we decided it just wasn't worth the negative feelings she has. It made her feel more bad about herself that she couldn't do it like the other kids and it's just not worth that blow to the self esteem just for some excercise., Let him do what he likes!, Right? This information is hurting my brain, We we’re both 19 typo, I wrote this post at 2:30am, so i left out a lot of background info on how he did in the program initially. I apologize as that was pretty important info to leave out, I will admit. The 1st couple years he did it, he liked it and participated, this last year he suddenly became withdrawn from the activities and didn’t want to participate, we didn’t know if it was because somebody had said something to him or what had caused him to not want to participate. I’ll be honest, we’re not the greatest parents. We try though and we want what is best for him. No my fiancé is not a bully to our son. And for you to assume such a thing is honestly pretty telling of who you are as a person. The program hasn’t started yet, it’ll be in a week and we’re working on getting him ready for it by telling him what exactly it is he’ll be doing, etc. the thing is, when we ask him if he’s excited for soccer, he says “I can’t wait! Wow” and he gets excited about the thought of it. I just don’t know what to expect this year., Yeah my son initially enjoyed top soccer the first couple years, he would have a meltdown but only because we left. One day it was like a switch went off where he didn’t want to participate at all. We’re trying again this year, but if the first session results in him not wanting to participate, we’ll end up just cancelling the rest of the season., I've played backyard soccer with my level 2 son and his cousin and he had a meltdown when he scored so yeah it's a tricky one. Just have him play right back and tell him to boot the ball as hard as he can anywhere he can if it goes near him., He doesn’t like it. Going through with it isn’t even the minimum when it’s causing meltdowns. Look for something else he can try. Ask him about it. My son last summer did one week camps in baseball, basketball, soccer, and fencing. He’s done gymnastics camp a few times too. He plays on a regular local soccer and bball little league and there’s surprisingly alot of other Audhd kids, I’ve learned from talking to the parents. And he blends right in. Especially because boys are all over as it is spinning and jumping and doing whatever. I stay for practices and games. It’s been going way better than I expected from the self proclaimed gamer who punches the wall or hits himself in the head at home over things that appear to the outside world to be minor., If a kid doesn't want to play a sport... don't make them. Soccer obviously isn't something he is enjoying, and perhaps something more low key would be a better fit. I can see how horribly stimulating that would be for him! My son would never do any type of team sport for that reason. Have you considered golf or something similar?, You have been a father to your 8 yo son for 10 years?, Maybe you mentioned it in your post, but I don't see it...I don't understand why you're trying to make him do something he clearly doesn't want to do and doesn't like. Your fiancé is being a bully. He's adamant on the kid doing it because...he did it before? That's literally insane., My daughter lasted 2 seasons of soccer, although we played it by ear most weeks wether she was in a good space to go. First year the team was pretty loose, they lost every game but they had fun. The club closed and the second year we signed up with a great new club but the team was very established and more competitive. At the end of the day, she gave it a good crack but between being uncomfortable in the sun on Saturday mornings, feeling out of place with her team and the general noise being over stimulating she just didn't enjoy it. I made her finish out the season but I never enrolled her again. It's a shame because when she was having a good week she enjoyed it and was improving so much. Ultimately we decided it just wasn't worth the negative feelings she has. It made her feel more bad about herself that she couldn't do it like the other kids and it's just not worth that blow to the self esteem just for some excercise., Let him do what he likes!, Right? This information is hurting my brain, We we’re both 19 typo, I wrote this post at 2:30am, so i left out a lot of background info on how he did in the program initially. I apologize as that was pretty important info to leave out, I will admit. The 1st couple years he did it, he liked it and participated, this last year he suddenly became withdrawn from the activities and didn’t want to participate, we didn’t know if it was because somebody had said something to him or what had caused him to not want to participate. I’ll be honest, we’re not the greatest parents. We try though and we want what is best for him. No my fiancé is not a bully to our son. And for you to assume such a thing is honestly pretty telling of who you are as a person. The program hasn’t started yet, it’ll be in a week and we’re working on getting him ready for it by telling him what exactly it is he’ll be doing, etc. the thing is, when we ask him if he’s excited for soccer, he says “I can’t wait! Wow” and he gets excited about the thought of it. I just don’t know what to expect this year., Yeah my son initially enjoyed top soccer the first couple years, he would have a meltdown but only because we left. One day it was like a switch went off where he didn’t want to participate at all. We’re trying again this year, but if the first session results in him not wanting to participate, we’ll end up just cancelling the rest of the season.
My son loves bugs - any good shows or documentaries?	We were watching “our planet II” on Netflix yesterday and my son was going crazy for the bug scenes. Any others out there with bug fans? What does your kid watch? I think he’s ready to move beyond Bluey, paw patrol and miss Rachel	Microcosmos is a good movie., His happy little dance is so cute!! Have you ever taken him to an indoor butterfly garden?, My husband is a beekeeper. His favorite students are young children. Their enthusiasm and interest in working with the bees almost parallel his. They make bee suits for young children. Maybe try to find a beekeeper in your area to get him started irl? 🐝, I love Beat Bugs, it's cute and has Beatles songs., I bet he would get a kick out of Bee Movie. My kids adore it. It's not a documentary or anything, but just a kids movie about bees. Some other movies include: A Bug's Life Minuscule: Valley of the Lost Ants Antz The Ant Bully Documentaries: Bugs! A Rainforest Adventure BugOut (about a heist of $50K worth of rare insects from an Insectarium in Philadelphia), We went through this stage too :) along with what was already suggested, There is a bumble bee documentary on Disney plus and I believe one on YouTube., James and the giant peach., Flight of the butterflies. Both my autistic sons have loved it. Beware though if they are verbal they will ask you to plant milkweed. :), My Autistic son was obsessed with insects... specifically wasps and bees...until he hit his teens. He would watch discovery documentaries about them daily. He also used to walk around the house catching wasps.... without getting stung somehow...every chance he got. Unfortunately other kids found it "weird" and picked on him incessantly. Now he pretends he never liked them., On YouTube there is a video series call "Miniscule". My son loves bugs as well and he loves the heck out of that. They're also super cute videos. The first time my wife saw him watching one she started watching and was giggling and laughing with him. Solid series., "Miniscule" shorts on YouTube are about bugs. I just accidentally ran across it yesterday., Check out Isopod breeding group on Facebook. Not true bugs, but your son may enjoy the photos. :-), Mine is 17 and still watches a bugs life on a regular basis. Very cute movie but the hopper death is a little intense for younger kids possibly., Wild Kratts has a couple episodes about bugs I think, Aww my son does the exact same dance/vocalizations when he’s watching something he loves!, Micro monsters - David Attenborough My 4 year old loved it in his insect phase, Better no screen time. I am trying to keep away my 6 years old as much as I can., https://youtu.be/bWUgZm_AE64, Discovery + might have some but I did find this link. https://www.romper.com/entertainment/best-insect-bug-shows-movies-for-children, I can’t think of specific ones, but I know Netflix has a ton of bug shows and movies, some cartoon and some live action., There's a lot of great bug battles on YouTube. There was a series on TV a while back and most of the episodes are still on YouTube. https://youtube.com/@MonsterBugWarsTV, A bugs life or antz the movies would maybe be great for him? Or any nature type docs on bugs! Awesome, The really wild show on cbbc, youtube it maybe? Or just youtube bugs and leave the videos on if you have the app?, Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 2004 ‧ Animation ‧ 3 seasons Beat bugs on Netflix Monster bug wars...true life but like be aware insects are not nice to one another, Try and find the cartoon "Maya the bee", Wild things with Dominic Monaghan is pretty great! It’s on YouTube. He’s a fellow bug enthusiast., Disney nature wings of life, YouTube, Antscanada., Oooh my kids and me watch Snake Discovery on youtube and its awesome because they talk about all types of reptiles and bugs and stuff! I like to watch it too!, Not a docu but I came across this on YouTube the other day - https://youtu.be/zgwQgwHlG98 Think it’s aimed at calming/sleep inducing, but it might be helpful!, A Bugs Life, A bugs life and Antz both Pixar movies, Life is a nature documentary series on DiscoveryPlus. I highly recommend it., If he likes the iPad then I HIGHLY recommend the Bugs and Buttons series of games - my son has learned so much from them!, Fellow bug lover here. Does he like spiders? There is this youtube channel called lucas the spider about a little jumping spider., Ants Canada is an awesome channel on YouTube. Super informative and super cool bugs not just ants., The PBS channel might have some options. Disney+ has several nature docs. Follow NatGeo Kids on YouTube, they have great short documentaries., I loved the See How They Grow Series as a kid (from the 90s). They have an Insects video. [US Version of the video.](https://youtu.be/T3riPXACYuw) [UK Version of the video.](https://youtu.be/3rDX9TOBtQ0), Second this. Was amazing :), I was going to suggest this one also!, Thank you!, Yes! They’re putting one in the Bronx zoo (members there) and he’ll love it. But we have been to a few butterfly gardens - he loves the bird sanctuaries where they eat seeds from you better though. Honestly I think he just loves animals that are always moving, That’s such a good idea - thanks I’ll see what’s around me, My kids love the show., We’ve tried antz and bugs life before but no luck. Bee movie may be better since they fly (more visually exciting). Will look into the others thanks!, The whole miniscule series is just amazing., Thanks - currently watching a bee documentary on YouTube (from natgeotv) he’s enjoying it, My son is the same way with bees - somehow never gets stung. He’ll also gently pick up ants and ladybugs and let them crawl on his hands. I hate to think of kids picking on my little guy. Sorry yours had to deal with that :-/. Hopefully he’ll come back to it when he’s older if he’s still interested, I can understand how hard it must be to see him hide his passion for insects because of other kids’ cruelty. He sounds very smart and curious!, This was popular when my eldest was a toddler- DVDs were on high rotation, 1 st birthday cake was a ladybug., Yes!!! Very funny too! It's also on DVD (I'm ancient, sorry), He gets about an hour of screen time on weekdays (between tv and iPad, not including his aac) We have memberships to the a local aquarium, a nature center and a zoo. So we spend most weekends doing one of those and parks. Today we went to the nature center where he wanted to play with ant climbing on a fence instead of look at any animals. I don’t feel bad about educational tv though - I credit miss Rachel a bit for helping him get as far as he has with speech, From my understanding, a lot of autistic kids learn better with/from screens. In my son’s self contained autism class, each kid had their own iPad, the “white board” is a giant touch screen TV, and they learn reading through a program called “Square Panda” on an iPad. I know with my child, he works a lot better on a screen than paper. It keeps him more engaged., ![gif](giphy\|QUF1D4DNdMpnlRS597) You know literally nothing about this person except for the fact that her kid likes bugs. Chill out., Oh we know this and every other super simple song video. I swear we’ve seen everyone of these 50 times. He’s been watching them since he was 1 and we still put them in to help calm him down on the rougher days., Great article thanks!!, Do it, OP. My neighbor got her daughter interested in bees and now they have a hive and their own honey. Get him into it now and in a few years you could have your own little bee farmer., Tbh antz and bugs life both kinda suck. My kid also likes the newer Maya the Bee movie., Beat bugs on Netflix, it's Beatles themed bug show, Unfortunately that ship has sailed I think. I appreciate the response though., You don't need to explain yourself to them. Your son is absolutely adorable btw!, No problem hope it helps!
My son undergoing testing for autism	My son is 8 yrs old. When he was young I told ped I had suspicions of autism cause of his speech delay, food restrictions, obsessions, extreme tantrums, eloping, severe difficulty potty training and etc. She after much insistence gave us referral for speech. But said he didn’t need anything else cause he had good eye contact and engaged socially. Had speech age 3-4. During this time he had a letter board he became obsessed with along with books. He taught himself to read around 4. He was exited from speech cause teacher said no longer needs it at 4.5. He shockingly did well in preschool, kinder and first. What I mean is I thought around age 3 he’d never be in a traditional classroom. We did see a lot of progress in his behavior once speech better. But nothing perfect at all. In kinder and first he read great but handwriting and spelling awful. None of kinder or first teachers worried every time I brought it up. Now in second the teacher saw what I saw and his impulse problems and him chewing on collar and sleeves. She initiated eval by school pysch for autism and adhd. And I called ped to ask for same eval on medical side. What I’m upset about is how I’ve tried to bring this up to ped and was always dismissed. I’m scared cause sometimes he’s so bad at home that I’m worried about his future. Will behavior therapy actually be helpful at 8 years old? I always heard early intervention best? What types of therapies be helpful? I already have him in orton gillingham tutoring for his writing and spelling. But his behavior is off the charts at home at times. Things that shouldn’t be a fight are. Really big obsession with Roblox. Crying over screen time being over. Swearing. Running and bouncing off the walls. Very restricted with what he’ll eat. Chewing on shirts. Testing limits to an extreme level I can’t even begin to describe. Negative attention seeking behavior. I’d love any advice!	I want to start off by saying my younger brother sounds so much like your son, he is a wonderful father and business owner today. He didn't speak at all until age 4, and struggled with speech for a while after getting words.. and alot of behavioral issues.He has never been diagnosed ASD, but was diagnosed ADHD.. but my mom was neglectful and parenting my son now who is ADHD/ASD, I whole heartedly believe my brother is also on the spectrum, just not diagnosed. My husband & son(5) are both diagnosed. In the now hes struggling, but you guys are on yhe cusp of change,just keep advocating for him.. alot of doors open up once that diagnosis comes in. Im sorry your concerns weren't listened to or taken seriously sooner. Occupational therapy was an AMAZING tool for my son before we got his diagnosis. It helped with the sensory things-chewing,running,bouncing,restricted eating and things like that. She taught me so much about sensory needs. Things we use for my son and love you might like : Sensory chews- they come in all shapes and types.. Id recommend the necklace since he is chewing on clothes! my son has a shark tooth we got off amazon its. Exactly what it sounds like.. a chew toy! A cuddle swing/sensory swing- ours is ceiling mounted and was roughly 30$ but you can get a stand for it or a tree strap to take it outside. If he is fighting you on things, try maybe giving him options .. so he feels in control- example- Do you want to watch a movie with us till 8 and then go to bed or play your switch till 8 and then go to bed? Do you want a shower or a tub? Do you want to brush your teeth or do you want me to do it? Do you want water or milk? If he is bouncing off the walls, encourage it.. build a blanket and pillow pile and have him repeatedly crash into it, or invest in bean bags(I got our massive 7ft across bean bag off craigslist for 60$). When it comes to the sensory stuff.. leaning into it and turning it into a healthy thing was a game changer🥺 Look into proprioceptive dysfunction & proprioceptive exercises for autistic children. I think behavioral therapy is a great idea but it also seems like he is sensory seeking big time and occupational therapy is the answer for that. If thats not an option for some reason the things I suggested to look up is a great place to start🫶🏻, If you can, check out my post history. I wrote about my 8 year old who was recently diagnosed. You did nothing wrong. Its hard to keep pushing for something when no one else sees it. We don't have the same behavioral issues, but very similar., Thank you so much for your response and advice- it’s so appreciated!!!, Thanks so much!! I will check it out!, Np🫶🏻 sending hugs, you are doing the best you can with what you have !, I want to start off by saying my younger brother sounds so much like your son, he is a wonderful father and business owner today. He didn't speak at all until age 4, and struggled with speech for a while after getting words.. and alot of behavioral issues.He has never been diagnosed ASD, but was diagnosed ADHD.. but my mom was neglectful and parenting my son now who is ADHD/ASD, I whole heartedly believe my brother is also on the spectrum, just not diagnosed. My husband & son(5) are both diagnosed. In the now hes struggling, but you guys are on yhe cusp of change,just keep advocating for him.. alot of doors open up once that diagnosis comes in. Im sorry your concerns weren't listened to or taken seriously sooner. Occupational therapy was an AMAZING tool for my son before we got his diagnosis. It helped with the sensory things-chewing,running,bouncing,restricted eating and things like that. She taught me so much about sensory needs. Things we use for my son and love you might like : Sensory chews- they come in all shapes and types.. Id recommend the necklace since he is chewing on clothes! my son has a shark tooth we got off amazon its. Exactly what it sounds like.. a chew toy! A cuddle swing/sensory swing- ours is ceiling mounted and was roughly 30$ but you can get a stand for it or a tree strap to take it outside. If he is fighting you on things, try maybe giving him options .. so he feels in control- example- Do you want to watch a movie with us till 8 and then go to bed or play your switch till 8 and then go to bed? Do you want a shower or a tub? Do you want to brush your teeth or do you want me to do it? Do you want water or milk? If he is bouncing off the walls, encourage it.. build a blanket and pillow pile and have him repeatedly crash into it, or invest in bean bags(I got our massive 7ft across bean bag off craigslist for 60$). When it comes to the sensory stuff.. leaning into it and turning it into a healthy thing was a game changer🥺 Look into proprioceptive dysfunction & proprioceptive exercises for autistic children. I think behavioral therapy is a great idea but it also seems like he is sensory seeking big time and occupational therapy is the answer for that. If thats not an option for some reason the things I suggested to look up is a great place to start🫶🏻, If you can, check out my post history. I wrote about my 8 year old who was recently diagnosed. You did nothing wrong. Its hard to keep pushing for something when no one else sees it. We don't have the same behavioral issues, but very similar., Thank you so much for your response and advice- it’s so appreciated!!!, Thanks so much!! I will check it out!, Np🫶🏻 sending hugs, you are doing the best you can with what you have !, I want to start off by saying my younger brother sounds so much like your son, he is a wonderful father and business owner today. He didn't speak at all until age 4, and struggled with speech for a while after getting words.. and alot of behavioral issues.He has never been diagnosed ASD, but was diagnosed ADHD.. but my mom was neglectful and parenting my son now who is ADHD/ASD, I whole heartedly believe my brother is also on the spectrum, just not diagnosed. My husband & son(5) are both diagnosed. In the now hes struggling, but you guys are on yhe cusp of change,just keep advocating for him.. alot of doors open up once that diagnosis comes in. Im sorry your concerns weren't listened to or taken seriously sooner. Occupational therapy was an AMAZING tool for my son before we got his diagnosis. It helped with the sensory things-chewing,running,bouncing,restricted eating and things like that. She taught me so much about sensory needs. Things we use for my son and love you might like : Sensory chews- they come in all shapes and types.. Id recommend the necklace since he is chewing on clothes! my son has a shark tooth we got off amazon its. Exactly what it sounds like.. a chew toy! A cuddle swing/sensory swing- ours is ceiling mounted and was roughly 30$ but you can get a stand for it or a tree strap to take it outside. If he is fighting you on things, try maybe giving him options .. so he feels in control- example- Do you want to watch a movie with us till 8 and then go to bed or play your switch till 8 and then go to bed? Do you want a shower or a tub? Do you want to brush your teeth or do you want me to do it? Do you want water or milk? If he is bouncing off the walls, encourage it.. build a blanket and pillow pile and have him repeatedly crash into it, or invest in bean bags(I got our massive 7ft across bean bag off craigslist for 60$). When it comes to the sensory stuff.. leaning into it and turning it into a healthy thing was a game changer🥺 Look into proprioceptive dysfunction & proprioceptive exercises for autistic children. I think behavioral therapy is a great idea but it also seems like he is sensory seeking big time and occupational therapy is the answer for that. If thats not an option for some reason the things I suggested to look up is a great place to start🫶🏻, If you can, check out my post history. I wrote about my 8 year old who was recently diagnosed. You did nothing wrong. Its hard to keep pushing for something when no one else sees it. We don't have the same behavioral issues, but very similar., Thank you so much for your response and advice- it’s so appreciated!!!, Thanks so much!! I will check it out!, Np🫶🏻 sending hugs, you are doing the best you can with what you have !, I want to start off by saying my younger brother sounds so much like your son, he is a wonderful father and business owner today. He didn't speak at all until age 4, and struggled with speech for a while after getting words.. and alot of behavioral issues.He has never been diagnosed ASD, but was diagnosed ADHD.. but my mom was neglectful and parenting my son now who is ADHD/ASD, I whole heartedly believe my brother is also on the spectrum, just not diagnosed. My husband & son(5) are both diagnosed. In the now hes struggling, but you guys are on yhe cusp of change,just keep advocating for him.. alot of doors open up once that diagnosis comes in. Im sorry your concerns weren't listened to or taken seriously sooner. Occupational therapy was an AMAZING tool for my son before we got his diagnosis. It helped with the sensory things-chewing,running,bouncing,restricted eating and things like that. She taught me so much about sensory needs. Things we use for my son and love you might like : Sensory chews- they come in all shapes and types.. Id recommend the necklace since he is chewing on clothes! my son has a shark tooth we got off amazon its. Exactly what it sounds like.. a chew toy! A cuddle swing/sensory swing- ours is ceiling mounted and was roughly 30$ but you can get a stand for it or a tree strap to take it outside. If he is fighting you on things, try maybe giving him options .. so he feels in control- example- Do you want to watch a movie with us till 8 and then go to bed or play your switch till 8 and then go to bed? Do you want a shower or a tub? Do you want to brush your teeth or do you want me to do it? Do you want water or milk? If he is bouncing off the walls, encourage it.. build a blanket and pillow pile and have him repeatedly crash into it, or invest in bean bags(I got our massive 7ft across bean bag off craigslist for 60$). When it comes to the sensory stuff.. leaning into it and turning it into a healthy thing was a game changer🥺 Look into proprioceptive dysfunction & proprioceptive exercises for autistic children. I think behavioral therapy is a great idea but it also seems like he is sensory seeking big time and occupational therapy is the answer for that. If thats not an option for some reason the things I suggested to look up is a great place to start🫶🏻, If you can, check out my post history. I wrote about my 8 year old who was recently diagnosed. You did nothing wrong. Its hard to keep pushing for something when no one else sees it. We don't have the same behavioral issues, but very similar., Thank you so much for your response and advice- it’s so appreciated!!!, Thanks so much!! I will check it out!, Np🫶🏻 sending hugs, you are doing the best you can with what you have !
My son will be diagnosed with ASD and ADD. What should I do next?	For some context I've known son has autism since he was 2. He taught himself how to read at 3 years old without any help and was nonverbal for anything that wasn't reading. He got speech therapy and occupational therapy and it helped him blossom so much but we weren't able to get a diagnosis until recently through this elementary school because I've been advocating for a special education placement for him. I talked with the phychiatrist and diagnostician for the school and they both agree that he will be placed in special education next semester thank goodness. the psychiatrist also gave me a heads up that she would be diagnosing my son with Autism and ADD because of his attention span and inability to focus or stay still. I just wanted to know what my next steps should be over the summer to help him better? My husband and I have done everything we can to help but we're kind of stuck on what we should do next.	What does he struggle with?, Oh! He sounds so much like my son!! Fine motor skills we use kumon activities books and for attention span we used music therapy. I will not say it's good now, but it's better than it was. For math, I am still struggling, but the previous comment gave a great idea (Minecraft), Paying attention and sitting still are the big ones he has been struggling with in school. And he doesn't enjoy math, coloring, or writing right now we have been trying to work on it. I also forgot to mention he just turned 6, I never thought about music therapy. That's something I will try., Awesome- 6 is very hard but very fun. (My son was a Covid remote schooled kid at that age with no diagnoses yet…. So a little different experience.) First thing is that kids aren’t really supposed to sit still like they do in school at that age- so some is adhd/sensory and some is just- schools suck. At that age my son couldn’t handle fidgets- too distracting, but asking the school for more movement breaks helps. Now he’s older and on a med for adhd so that helps him during school hours. The focus comes with it- to an extent. My sons fine motor skills are passing but not good, so he’s on a wait list for OT. But it definitely effects his writing and coloring. It hurts his little hands and he doesn’t really know how to express it other than “I hate it.” See if you can get his OT to look at his writing and coloring and figure out if he hates it or if it’s physically hard for him. As for the math? Minecraft. Math is fun as long as it doesn’t feel like math. Do fractions while you’re cooking together, count the Pokémon cards- be sneaky and he’ll learn it- just not on a worksheet. he also can’t stand the sound/feel of markers on paper- big sensory issue., I tried homeschooling him during the pandemic and he is basically ran through kinder and first grade material in 4 months it was getting him to sit down and write down his answers or take tests that was the hard part That was one of my concerns with his hands his OT basically said he just isn't interested he rushes through it to get to stuff he is actually interested. That's actually funny because my son plays Minecraft to relax as soon as he gets home from school. Id never thought about using it to teach math. It might work better than play dough or flash cards., I loved so much your idea of using Minecraft to teach math!!!, So this is very common with neurodiverse kids in general. My son is 11 with ASD, ADHD, Dysgraphia and he’s gifted. He had hypernumeracy very early on and it’s still his strong suit. He will rush work that he’s not interested in or that he finds too easy. He makes a lot of careless mistakes when he does this. If he is interested, he can easily spend all day working on a single Lego set to completion. Being challenged helped him tremendously in that department, as well as allowing him to to pursue some of his own interests. He also hates showing his work. His reasoning is that he figures it out in his head, he doesn’t need to show his work. However, we’ve worked with him on this because he knows it leads to fewer mistakes. It’s great that he will be given an IEP. It can be very difficult for 2e children to qualify for special education and/or gifted placement. My advice, if you have any difficulty- know his rights and assert them. It took us 6 years to get most of my son’s needs met and the progress he has made has been amazing. I hope this helps., Oh there are sooo many good resources for that sort of thing. Now he’s 8 and using his love of video games to learn coding- so fingers crossed for a software engineer!, Thank you so much this was very reassuring for me. His teacher says that he is out reading his classmates being in kindergarten and reading at a 4th grade level but that's because he loves to read everything he can find. Anything else he could care less about but I'm contrantly trying to tell him that writing is helpful because he has a hard time answering questions that need detailed answers. If it's not a yes or no question if takes him sometimes 5 minutes to answer because he gets so caught in his head thinking about the answer or he doesn't hear it because he is so deep inside his mind. His IEP won't start until August when school starts up again but it's a good feeling knowing that I know my son well enough to know what he will need and to have people actually sten and not just brush it off to avoid actually having to work and do their jobs., That's funny. We recently got my son Legos and he builts some incredible structures without directions. My husband and I think we have an architect on our hands., I think it’s great that he’s reading a lot, but if it’s interfering with other work, I would definitely set some limits around it. Obviously, many kids with ASD show restricted interests, and my son did as well (we have so many blocks), but we did end up setting limits on the amount of time he could do those things, so that he could focus fully on other tasks. He still hyper focuses, but he has learned to take breaks for self care and to do homework and chores., There are also some really fun games for kids and toys that teach them how to code!
Need Advice- At a Crossroad.	Hello parents! I do not know if I should quit my job. I have 2 kids with autism ages 4.5 and almost 3- they’re like upper medium functioning level. I also have a baby that will be a year old soon and I think the baby doesn’t have autism (I really thought my second kid was typical when I got pregnant again incase you’re wondering what I was thinking.) Anyway I pay my aunt to watch my kids while I work from home. My job is relatively flexible but I’m just having a hard time finding the time to do my work with taking my oldest to preschool and the multiple therapy appointments my 2 with autism have throughout the week- we usually have 3 appointments on a light week. My husband works full time as well. My childcare doesn’t do enough with my kids. She has them watching tv and has to ask me for help throughout the day. It eats up my work day and I fall behind. She’s frequently late and has called off 10-12 times in the last 6 months. When I do have time to work I sit at my desk and I can’t think- look for distractions- etc. I don’t have FMLA for my kids because of maternity leave. I work in a stressful service job and I just get burnt out very quickly. My assignments pile up and the people around me are so checked out I’m just floating by waiting for the shit to hit the fan that I’ve been slacking but I just keep scooting by. My aunt relies on the income to a degree (her partner works) and she isn’t the type of person I can talk to about doing more or doing better unless I’m prepared for her to walk out and quit. We could make it work but it would be very financially limiting to quit my full time job. I cook almost all the meals we eat, I keep the house functional but never seems clean or organized enough. I did therapy and I read self help books to try and figure out how I can do more but I’m just at capacity. I feel like if I fix myself maybe everything will fall into place but now I’m just not so sure. My husband and I put everything into our kids and usually have nothing left at the end of the day- we don’t shower as much as normal people would- don’t make time to exercise- and put off the things that are good for us because we’re always putting out little fires and getting exhausted. My friends tell me to just quit my job that my life is too stressful but if I quit I will have very little support at home and it will be hard (as you can imagine) but I do know it would be good for my kids. Also I know essentially firing my aunt would cause a huge rift in my family. I quit my full time job when my first was about a year old because she was a handful- I didn’t know she was autistic. I got a little easy part time job for a while and I worked through having another baby - when decided to go back to my full time job- and shortly after going back to my full time job- it became clear that my oldest was showing signs of autism- so over the last almost 3 years I’ve been adding on one therapy- then another- then another pregnancy- then another autism diagnosis and now it’s just grown to be a lot. I keep telling myself oh well when I get to this next thing it will be easier but it never does. My oldest will start all day school next year and I’m like oh it’ll be fine then- but I still have the other kids lol. If I knew my kids were going to have extra needs and be different then I never would’ve gone back to work full time. But now that it’s where I find myself the thought of giving it up is hard even if I honestly suck at my job haha. Anyway if you read this far- thank you.sorry it’s a novel but I wanted to convey me situation . I would appreciate your thoughts and input. It’s hard out here for parents like us! I want you to be honest but if you say anything mean to me I’ll cry ok thanks byeeee lol.	How much do you pay your aunt? Have you looked unto respite care? , I onlynhave one child with autism and he's 3. We did our best to.manage his care between us, but having him crying in the corner on an off day was already pushing it for me. A week after this episode, my job called me back in office, which would leave only one person to take care of himnwhile he was working, too. I made the difficult decision to quit my job so that I could support my son more. As expected, we struggle financially. We are not eligible for benefits because I have a savings account for my son that exceeds their income limit. We are lucky enough to get free health insurance, but that's about it. I also struggle with anxiety and I have some physical limitations as well. I don't regret my choice because either way it would have been hard on us, but it didn't need to be so hard for my son, too., Thank you to anyone who reads this! I am really struggling., I only pay her $700/month for watching all 3 kids. She watches other kids too. In my area there is virtually no respite unless you qualify for Medicaid which I don’t. I could access about $1,000 a year towards respite for my 2 with autism but there are almost no providers in my area and the regular daycares won’t take my kids unfortunately., I’m sorry that it is so hard. I took a year off after having my first- he was a challenging baby and I didn’t know it was autism yet. It was a hard time to be alone with my child all the time. Working is hard, too. Feels like I can’t win. But you’re right that if you think of what’s best for your child the choice becomes clear., If you can financially take the hit it may make more sense to quit your job until the kids are in school. Especially if she isn't being that helpful- sounds like you are still doing everything and she is just an extra body. My family sometimes watches my son for me. Because I don't pay them anything - I don't dictate whether they let him watch t.v the while time they are here but if I were paying I would have expectations like going to the park or just playing with them. Do not feel bad if you decide to be a SAHM and let her go- you have to do what's right for you but I would as a courtesy give her some notice, Yes that’s true she is like an extra body that’s how I feel- especially lately. Thank you for your input. I don’t mind some tv but it’s like all she does all day long that makes it a problem. Like I tried setting out activities but she still didn’t do them unless her neurotypical 6yr nephew was here - she do the activities with that one- but not my kids. But when it’s my kids it’s tv all day. I have so much for the kids to do- activity books, stickers, sidewalk chalk for the back patio (which is fenced in) but she just doesn’t unless 9 times out of 10., How much do you pay your aunt? Have you looked unto respite care? , I onlynhave one child with autism and he's 3. We did our best to.manage his care between us, but having him crying in the corner on an off day was already pushing it for me. A week after this episode, my job called me back in office, which would leave only one person to take care of himnwhile he was working, too. I made the difficult decision to quit my job so that I could support my son more. As expected, we struggle financially. We are not eligible for benefits because I have a savings account for my son that exceeds their income limit. We are lucky enough to get free health insurance, but that's about it. I also struggle with anxiety and I have some physical limitations as well. I don't regret my choice because either way it would have been hard on us, but it didn't need to be so hard for my son, too., Thank you to anyone who reads this! I am really struggling., I only pay her $700/month for watching all 3 kids. She watches other kids too. In my area there is virtually no respite unless you qualify for Medicaid which I don’t. I could access about $1,000 a year towards respite for my 2 with autism but there are almost no providers in my area and the regular daycares won’t take my kids unfortunately., I’m sorry that it is so hard. I took a year off after having my first- he was a challenging baby and I didn’t know it was autism yet. It was a hard time to be alone with my child all the time. Working is hard, too. Feels like I can’t win. But you’re right that if you think of what’s best for your child the choice becomes clear., If you can financially take the hit it may make more sense to quit your job until the kids are in school. Especially if she isn't being that helpful- sounds like you are still doing everything and she is just an extra body. My family sometimes watches my son for me. Because I don't pay them anything - I don't dictate whether they let him watch t.v the while time they are here but if I were paying I would have expectations like going to the park or just playing with them. Do not feel bad if you decide to be a SAHM and let her go- you have to do what's right for you but I would as a courtesy give her some notice, Yes that’s true she is like an extra body that’s how I feel- especially lately. Thank you for your input. I don’t mind some tv but it’s like all she does all day long that makes it a problem. Like I tried setting out activities but she still didn’t do them unless her neurotypical 6yr nephew was here - she do the activities with that one- but not my kids. But when it’s my kids it’s tv all day. I have so much for the kids to do- activity books, stickers, sidewalk chalk for the back patio (which is fenced in) but she just doesn’t unless 9 times out of 10., How much do you pay your aunt? Have you looked unto respite care? , I onlynhave one child with autism and he's 3. We did our best to.manage his care between us, but having him crying in the corner on an off day was already pushing it for me. A week after this episode, my job called me back in office, which would leave only one person to take care of himnwhile he was working, too. I made the difficult decision to quit my job so that I could support my son more. As expected, we struggle financially. We are not eligible for benefits because I have a savings account for my son that exceeds their income limit. We are lucky enough to get free health insurance, but that's about it. I also struggle with anxiety and I have some physical limitations as well. I don't regret my choice because either way it would have been hard on us, but it didn't need to be so hard for my son, too., Thank you to anyone who reads this! I am really struggling., I only pay her $700/month for watching all 3 kids. She watches other kids too. In my area there is virtually no respite unless you qualify for Medicaid which I don’t. I could access about $1,000 a year towards respite for my 2 with autism but there are almost no providers in my area and the regular daycares won’t take my kids unfortunately., I’m sorry that it is so hard. I took a year off after having my first- he was a challenging baby and I didn’t know it was autism yet. It was a hard time to be alone with my child all the time. Working is hard, too. Feels like I can’t win. But you’re right that if you think of what’s best for your child the choice becomes clear., If you can financially take the hit it may make more sense to quit your job until the kids are in school. Especially if she isn't being that helpful- sounds like you are still doing everything and she is just an extra body. My family sometimes watches my son for me. Because I don't pay them anything - I don't dictate whether they let him watch t.v the while time they are here but if I were paying I would have expectations like going to the park or just playing with them. Do not feel bad if you decide to be a SAHM and let her go- you have to do what's right for you but I would as a courtesy give her some notice, Yes that’s true she is like an extra body that’s how I feel- especially lately. Thank you for your input. I don’t mind some tv but it’s like all she does all day long that makes it a problem. Like I tried setting out activities but she still didn’t do them unless her neurotypical 6yr nephew was here - she do the activities with that one- but not my kids. But when it’s my kids it’s tv all day. I have so much for the kids to do- activity books, stickers, sidewalk chalk for the back patio (which is fenced in) but she just doesn’t unless 9 times out of 10., How much do you pay your aunt? Have you looked unto respite care? , I onlynhave one child with autism and he's 3. We did our best to.manage his care between us, but having him crying in the corner on an off day was already pushing it for me. A week after this episode, my job called me back in office, which would leave only one person to take care of himnwhile he was working, too. I made the difficult decision to quit my job so that I could support my son more. As expected, we struggle financially. We are not eligible for benefits because I have a savings account for my son that exceeds their income limit. We are lucky enough to get free health insurance, but that's about it. I also struggle with anxiety and I have some physical limitations as well. I don't regret my choice because either way it would have been hard on us, but it didn't need to be so hard for my son, too., Thank you to anyone who reads this! I am really struggling., I only pay her $700/month for watching all 3 kids. She watches other kids too. In my area there is virtually no respite unless you qualify for Medicaid which I don’t. I could access about $1,000 a year towards respite for my 2 with autism but there are almost no providers in my area and the regular daycares won’t take my kids unfortunately., I’m sorry that it is so hard. I took a year off after having my first- he was a challenging baby and I didn’t know it was autism yet. It was a hard time to be alone with my child all the time. Working is hard, too. Feels like I can’t win. But you’re right that if you think of what’s best for your child the choice becomes clear., If you can financially take the hit it may make more sense to quit your job until the kids are in school. Especially if she isn't being that helpful- sounds like you are still doing everything and she is just an extra body. My family sometimes watches my son for me. Because I don't pay them anything - I don't dictate whether they let him watch t.v the while time they are here but if I were paying I would have expectations like going to the park or just playing with them. Do not feel bad if you decide to be a SAHM and let her go- you have to do what's right for you but I would as a courtesy give her some notice, Yes that’s true she is like an extra body that’s how I feel- especially lately. Thank you for your input. I don’t mind some tv but it’s like all she does all day long that makes it a problem. Like I tried setting out activities but she still didn’t do them unless her neurotypical 6yr nephew was here - she do the activities with that one- but not my kids. But when it’s my kids it’s tv all day. I have so much for the kids to do- activity books, stickers, sidewalk chalk for the back patio (which is fenced in) but she just doesn’t unless 9 times out of 10.
Need advice on 22m toddler possibly having autism	Disclaimer: I’m sorry for the long post! Posted this in another group, but wanted to post here as well for any advice. — My son will be turning 22 months and as he gets older, I am starting to believe he has some degree of autism. I’ve mentioned it to pediatrician, speech therapist, husband and it feels like they know something may be off, but are not convinced it’s autism. Peditiation said because he was sick a lot, it could be a delay and he wasn’t seeing conclusive signs when he was 18m. We are currently pending a hearing exam in April since he’s had various ear infections, but something else doesn’t feel right. I’m trying to be patient as they rule out different things, but it’s difficult when you see daily something isn’t right. Does anyone have advice on how to proceed based off the information below regarding what he’s doing/not doing? —- Things he does do: 1) Laughs and smiles all the time. Everyone says he’s a happy child. 2) Has okay eye contact 3) If I tell him to get off something or stop doing something, he will get off/stop and look at me. 4) If someone tells him hi, he sometimes will respond hi back. Sometimes is the key word 5) If I tell him to turn off light or close his baby gate, he will. 5) He will sometimes look at what I’m pointing to. 6) Parents tell me at his daycare that he sometimes greets them when they come in the room. This shocked me because I heard him say hi to some people who say hi, but never say him go up to anyone on his own. This has been randomly noted without any prompt, so I guess he may do it. 7) Loves to be cuddled and hugged. Also Always wants to hold my hand or daycare teachers hand. 8) Will sometimes listen in a group, but often he prefers to go off and play by himself. 9) Gestures, this is also a negative, but listed in bottom section. He will usually gesture when wanting to be picked up, Sometimes claps at appropriate moments when singing songs, like “Happy and you know it” or will clap at the end of the song. Will try to wave, but rarely. Tries to roll his hands when doing patty cake 10) Doesn’t really have tantrums, usually smiles, cries at appropriate times, in public he seems okay, but I usually have a video on for him and he loves listening to the songs. I try not to put him in situations that would stress him out, so maybe that’s why he’s been okay so far. 11) doesn’t get disrupted by loud noises. He’s curious about it, tries to find where it came from, sometimes laughs when we turn on blender, but doesn’t cry at it. 12) May be a concern as well, not sure, but he doesn’t really obsess over any one toy, hard to find one that captures his attention . Also doesn’t line anything up or have obsessive tendencies. 13) He does notice things and people around him, like when someone leaves and enters a room. —— These are the following actions that seem a bit off that be might be linked to Autisim: 1) He has never shown or gave me anything (toy or whatnot) 2) He does not look for me for help with a toy or something he can’t reach. If he needs help with a toy, he just loses interests in it or will just hold it without playing. If he wants milk, he just cries or will reach for it until he can find a way to get it himself. 3) If I ask him what he wants for dinner, he will point, but won’t point at anything else. 4) He does not use most gestures regularly. He mimics them if he wants, but not sure he always understands since he doesn’t always use them at the appropriate times 5) I’m not convinced he understands feelings. Like if I’m upset, he sometimes laughs and won’t look at me. 6) He is babbling and saying some words, but usually not in a way that demonstrates he understands the meaning or communication (I.e. repeatedly says hi, mama, roll, etc). 7) He doesn’t always respond to his name. I feel like he sometimes gets in his own world and I have to say it 10 times and sometimes have to get up and tap him in the shoulder to snap him out of it. 8) He doesn’t always understand danger, like trying to get off his changing table when his feet can’t touch the ground 9) He sometimes gets overstimulated. He doesn’t really hand flap, but he does unusual movements that I don’t understand and then will be completely normal. 10) He will not point to any body part nor seems to understand what his body parts are. 11) Not sure if it’s autism, but he tries to take other kids snacks and has a hard time understanding it’s not his. He didn’t do this before, but has now started. He’s an only child with no siblings, he doesn’t eat off our plates, not sure why he’s doing it.	Your intuition is everything, trust it! I would get a second opinion, possibly seek an occupational therapy assessment. My son was similar but we really only got concerned when he was about 2.5 years old as he didn’t really talk at all. We went to an OT first as someone recommended it and she saw a lot of the signs and recommended we test him for autism. And confirmed he has a sensory processing difficulties in motor planning due to his low sensory profile - meaning he does not have any stims but needs a lot more input to feel the world around him. I recommend you check out this book if your son is on the spectrum or not. It changed my life to know my sons sensory needs, how he processes the world etc. - it’s called Out of Sync Child., I agree with comment above! Trust your gut! I can also say that you should focus more on skills that come and go as well as repetition of activities or vocals. My son was also sick as a baby including surgery at 3 weeks old, he still met every milestone until he hit age 1. Everyone in my life doubted it, I kept pushing we got a diagnosis at 23m., I would seek an evaluation. In my professional and personal experience, typical development is obvious, and the parents of typically developing kids are less likely to make lists like these. All of the things you said your child does do “sometimes”, you should actually ask yourself, “What does the child do most often?” If a child is only doing the behavior sometimes, if the question is yes or no “Does he wave when he sees a new person?” Etc, the answer should be no. Many children with delays will do a behavior “sometimes”., Thanks everyone for your comments. I just realized that my son may benefit more from occupational therapy based off some of your comments. I requested a referral from my pediatrician to see an OT, so hopefully there are no issues and we can get him evaluated, which may help more with his day to day activities. I will wait until his hearing test to pursue early intervention. I do think an OT may quickly pick up on signs that our speech therapist may not be seeing., I wish I was as proactive as you are when my child was that young. She was diagnosed at 2.5 and early intervention helped a lot. But I always think we should have started even earlier with the therapies as soon as we saw the regressions. If you have any concerns you should get an evaluation scheduled. In the state we live it takes 6-9 months to get an appt. I don't know how long it would take in the place you live but if it takes long then better to schedule now. If he improves in the areas you mentioned you can cancel the appt and if not you will have the diagnosis as soon as possible and starting therapies early makes all the difference. Good luck to you., Thank you! It’s hard because I don’t want to push a diagnosis if there could be other things going on since I know a lot of people instantly think autism, but at the same token, I don’t want to stick my head in the sand if he does have it where help is delayed. I think after his hearing exam, If that doesn’t explain the behavior or it doesn’t change, I will ask for early intervention so he can be tested., Your intuition is everything, trust it! I would get a second opinion, possibly seek an occupational therapy assessment. My son was similar but we really only got concerned when he was about 2.5 years old as he didn’t really talk at all. We went to an OT first as someone recommended it and she saw a lot of the signs and recommended we test him for autism. And confirmed he has a sensory processing difficulties in motor planning due to his low sensory profile - meaning he does not have any stims but needs a lot more input to feel the world around him. I recommend you check out this book if your son is on the spectrum or not. It changed my life to know my sons sensory needs, how he processes the world etc. - it’s called Out of Sync Child., I agree with comment above! Trust your gut! I can also say that you should focus more on skills that come and go as well as repetition of activities or vocals. My son was also sick as a baby including surgery at 3 weeks old, he still met every milestone until he hit age 1. Everyone in my life doubted it, I kept pushing we got a diagnosis at 23m., I would seek an evaluation. In my professional and personal experience, typical development is obvious, and the parents of typically developing kids are less likely to make lists like these. All of the things you said your child does do “sometimes”, you should actually ask yourself, “What does the child do most often?” If a child is only doing the behavior sometimes, if the question is yes or no “Does he wave when he sees a new person?” Etc, the answer should be no. Many children with delays will do a behavior “sometimes”., Thanks everyone for your comments. I just realized that my son may benefit more from occupational therapy based off some of your comments. I requested a referral from my pediatrician to see an OT, so hopefully there are no issues and we can get him evaluated, which may help more with his day to day activities. I will wait until his hearing test to pursue early intervention. I do think an OT may quickly pick up on signs that our speech therapist may not be seeing., I wish I was as proactive as you are when my child was that young. She was diagnosed at 2.5 and early intervention helped a lot. But I always think we should have started even earlier with the therapies as soon as we saw the regressions. If you have any concerns you should get an evaluation scheduled. In the state we live it takes 6-9 months to get an appt. I don't know how long it would take in the place you live but if it takes long then better to schedule now. If he improves in the areas you mentioned you can cancel the appt and if not you will have the diagnosis as soon as possible and starting therapies early makes all the difference. Good luck to you., Thank you! It’s hard because I don’t want to push a diagnosis if there could be other things going on since I know a lot of people instantly think autism, but at the same token, I don’t want to stick my head in the sand if he does have it where help is delayed. I think after his hearing exam, If that doesn’t explain the behavior or it doesn’t change, I will ask for early intervention so he can be tested., Your intuition is everything, trust it! I would get a second opinion, possibly seek an occupational therapy assessment. My son was similar but we really only got concerned when he was about 2.5 years old as he didn’t really talk at all. We went to an OT first as someone recommended it and she saw a lot of the signs and recommended we test him for autism. And confirmed he has a sensory processing difficulties in motor planning due to his low sensory profile - meaning he does not have any stims but needs a lot more input to feel the world around him. I recommend you check out this book if your son is on the spectrum or not. It changed my life to know my sons sensory needs, how he processes the world etc. - it’s called Out of Sync Child., I agree with comment above! Trust your gut! I can also say that you should focus more on skills that come and go as well as repetition of activities or vocals. My son was also sick as a baby including surgery at 3 weeks old, he still met every milestone until he hit age 1. Everyone in my life doubted it, I kept pushing we got a diagnosis at 23m., I would seek an evaluation. In my professional and personal experience, typical development is obvious, and the parents of typically developing kids are less likely to make lists like these. All of the things you said your child does do “sometimes”, you should actually ask yourself, “What does the child do most often?” If a child is only doing the behavior sometimes, if the question is yes or no “Does he wave when he sees a new person?” Etc, the answer should be no. Many children with delays will do a behavior “sometimes”., Thanks everyone for your comments. I just realized that my son may benefit more from occupational therapy based off some of your comments. I requested a referral from my pediatrician to see an OT, so hopefully there are no issues and we can get him evaluated, which may help more with his day to day activities. I will wait until his hearing test to pursue early intervention. I do think an OT may quickly pick up on signs that our speech therapist may not be seeing., I wish I was as proactive as you are when my child was that young. She was diagnosed at 2.5 and early intervention helped a lot. But I always think we should have started even earlier with the therapies as soon as we saw the regressions. If you have any concerns you should get an evaluation scheduled. In the state we live it takes 6-9 months to get an appt. I don't know how long it would take in the place you live but if it takes long then better to schedule now. If he improves in the areas you mentioned you can cancel the appt and if not you will have the diagnosis as soon as possible and starting therapies early makes all the difference. Good luck to you., Thank you! It’s hard because I don’t want to push a diagnosis if there could be other things going on since I know a lot of people instantly think autism, but at the same token, I don’t want to stick my head in the sand if he does have it where help is delayed. I think after his hearing exam, If that doesn’t explain the behavior or it doesn’t change, I will ask for early intervention so he can be tested., Your intuition is everything, trust it! I would get a second opinion, possibly seek an occupational therapy assessment. My son was similar but we really only got concerned when he was about 2.5 years old as he didn’t really talk at all. We went to an OT first as someone recommended it and she saw a lot of the signs and recommended we test him for autism. And confirmed he has a sensory processing difficulties in motor planning due to his low sensory profile - meaning he does not have any stims but needs a lot more input to feel the world around him. I recommend you check out this book if your son is on the spectrum or not. It changed my life to know my sons sensory needs, how he processes the world etc. - it’s called Out of Sync Child., I agree with comment above! Trust your gut! I can also say that you should focus more on skills that come and go as well as repetition of activities or vocals. My son was also sick as a baby including surgery at 3 weeks old, he still met every milestone until he hit age 1. Everyone in my life doubted it, I kept pushing we got a diagnosis at 23m., I would seek an evaluation. In my professional and personal experience, typical development is obvious, and the parents of typically developing kids are less likely to make lists like these. All of the things you said your child does do “sometimes”, you should actually ask yourself, “What does the child do most often?” If a child is only doing the behavior sometimes, if the question is yes or no “Does he wave when he sees a new person?” Etc, the answer should be no. Many children with delays will do a behavior “sometimes”., Thanks everyone for your comments. I just realized that my son may benefit more from occupational therapy based off some of your comments. I requested a referral from my pediatrician to see an OT, so hopefully there are no issues and we can get him evaluated, which may help more with his day to day activities. I will wait until his hearing test to pursue early intervention. I do think an OT may quickly pick up on signs that our speech therapist may not be seeing., I wish I was as proactive as you are when my child was that young. She was diagnosed at 2.5 and early intervention helped a lot. But I always think we should have started even earlier with the therapies as soon as we saw the regressions. If you have any concerns you should get an evaluation scheduled. In the state we live it takes 6-9 months to get an appt. I don't know how long it would take in the place you live but if it takes long then better to schedule now. If he improves in the areas you mentioned you can cancel the appt and if not you will have the diagnosis as soon as possible and starting therapies early makes all the difference. Good luck to you., Thank you! It’s hard because I don’t want to push a diagnosis if there could be other things going on since I know a lot of people instantly think autism, but at the same token, I don’t want to stick my head in the sand if he does have it where help is delayed. I think after his hearing exam, If that doesn’t explain the behavior or it doesn’t change, I will ask for early intervention so he can be tested.
Need help desperately	Hey everyone, Firstly, I want to say beyond anything else, I am in no way using this post as a way of complaining. I'm merely struggling and need insight from other parents who maybe have gone through something similar or...just anything. A little backstory: I'm a 28yo female, married to a 41yo male, with four children (6M, 5M, 4M, and 3monthsM). My eldest three children are all autistic and are receiving at-home ABA based therapy. My husband is completely disabled physically. I'm a full-time worker, working at home in a call center based job that doesn't give me much leeway in terms of scheduling and adherence. My husband is not capable of handling a lot of the day-to-day stuff when it comes to having to physically maneuver the kids for whatever reason. All three are working on potty-training but still wear pull-ups, so changing them is hard for him, getting them up and down the stairs at our house is hard for him, and handling the 3-month-old isn't easy for him either. Usually, I handle all the changing, feeding, etc. I just went back to work after almost a year out and my work coincides with a standard 9-5 shift. Right now, the kids are getting their therapy at our house, but the clinicians need an adult there at all times. They're willing to make concessions to help with changing the boys which is an enormous help by itself...but I feel so depleted. I'm the only one working right now and my benefits cover the boys care. My husband wants to try working, but if his disability gets cut off and he can't hold down the job we would be up s\\\* creek. I have to work to afford our life and give the benefits, I have to care for our three month old, and I have to be available for whatever the clinicians need during the day. My kids also don't sleep properly. They're up all hours of the night and can't maintain a sleep schedule. I don't know what else to try. I don't know how to make sure they get what they need daily while I maintain a job and my on health on top of what I do for my husband and the house. I feel like it's a sinking ship and I don't know what steps to take to right it. I'm so depressed. Please, if anybody has ANY tips, I'm all ears. Thanks for listening.	Is there a way that you could get in-center therapy for the older children, which would be more like school in getting them out of the house?, I Am so sorry your going through all this. Depending on where you live your state may provide help esp respite care, We did try that, however at the time I was heavily pregnant and they were bringing home a LOT of illnesses. We were sick for about 3 months straight. I also can’t drive them there and pick them up with my work schedule and it was too hard on my partner so he requested we switch to in-home. I’ve been thinking about having the conversation of them going back though., I would have them attend in- clinic therapy if possible. Is your husband able to drive?, He is, he does all the driving for us as I don’t. He tells me that bringing them to and from is very difficult for him. I go with him when I can to load the kids in and out but I’m not always able to., Is there a way that you could get in-center therapy for the older children, which would be more like school in getting them out of the house?, I Am so sorry your going through all this. Depending on where you live your state may provide help esp respite care, We did try that, however at the time I was heavily pregnant and they were bringing home a LOT of illnesses. We were sick for about 3 months straight. I also can’t drive them there and pick them up with my work schedule and it was too hard on my partner so he requested we switch to in-home. I’ve been thinking about having the conversation of them going back though., I would have them attend in- clinic therapy if possible. Is your husband able to drive?, He is, he does all the driving for us as I don’t. He tells me that bringing them to and from is very difficult for him. I go with him when I can to load the kids in and out but I’m not always able to., Is there a way that you could get in-center therapy for the older children, which would be more like school in getting them out of the house?, I Am so sorry your going through all this. Depending on where you live your state may provide help esp respite care, We did try that, however at the time I was heavily pregnant and they were bringing home a LOT of illnesses. We were sick for about 3 months straight. I also can’t drive them there and pick them up with my work schedule and it was too hard on my partner so he requested we switch to in-home. I’ve been thinking about having the conversation of them going back though., I would have them attend in- clinic therapy if possible. Is your husband able to drive?, He is, he does all the driving for us as I don’t. He tells me that bringing them to and from is very difficult for him. I go with him when I can to load the kids in and out but I’m not always able to., Is there a way that you could get in-center therapy for the older children, which would be more like school in getting them out of the house?, I Am so sorry your going through all this. Depending on where you live your state may provide help esp respite care, We did try that, however at the time I was heavily pregnant and they were bringing home a LOT of illnesses. We were sick for about 3 months straight. I also can’t drive them there and pick them up with my work schedule and it was too hard on my partner so he requested we switch to in-home. I’ve been thinking about having the conversation of them going back though., I would have them attend in- clinic therapy if possible. Is your husband able to drive?, He is, he does all the driving for us as I don’t. He tells me that bringing them to and from is very difficult for him. I go with him when I can to load the kids in and out but I’m not always able to.
Need help understanding	Hi I'm not actually a parent but I'm 29 and have autism (not sure what level) I'm also a trans guy and need some help understanding were my family is coming from. I came out nearly two years ago and for the last seven months have been trying to get my mum and older sister to call me by my preferred name and pronouns. We recently moved to a new area which was supposed to be a fresh start for us all. But to start with when my mum met my neighbour she introduced me as a girl and now all the neighbours call me a she or my old name. Her reason for this is she didn't want them knowing I'm trans because we COULD get shunned/ostracized. But I've tried explaining that if my family had introduced me as a boy people wouldn't know otherwise, am i wrong in saying that? Then there's that they say they are trying, but they don't really i feel are. Finally my family says there's always something else you want once they start calling me a he and a boy. Yes there are other things i feel I'm heading for but I'm not telling them all of them so as not to overwhelm them. And they say i can't correct them or others in public. Am i bring unreasonable can you help me understand? Edit: present to parent Edit: the times they do use my name to people they then screw it up saying she/her	You’re not being unreasonable. This isn’t an autistic to neurotypical disconnect or miscommunication. It’s normal for family adjusting to a transition to slip up and use the old pronoun or name sometimes but it sounds like they’re refusing to acknowledge your identity at all and purposefully misgendering you to the neighbors. It’s not okay. The line about there “always being something else you want” is manipulative and shamey. You’re not asking for more and more money or whatever, you’re just asking to be respected., They are trying with the different name sometimes but they haven't changed to he/him pronouns, and they not correcting people
Need some advice on what I can do for my son (From Massachusetts)	Hello folks, First time dad here. My 23-month-old son only says 2 to 3 words. Does not recognize his name. Does not point with one finger. Is very picky with food. He has been in the Massachusetts Early Intervention playgroup once per week since start of the year. There has been no improvement. My Pediatrician told me he should get evaluated for ASD. My intake appointment is in late April with Burlington Developmental Pediatricians and the actual evaluation will be late November 2024. I am also putting him on the waitlist for Boston Children Hospital to see if we can get an evaluation there faster. After the 10 week playgroup is over. Early intervention has now put him on a one-to-one with a speech therapist only TWICE a month. They also suggested I put him in daycare to see if there is any improvement while we wait for evaluation. All the recommendations EI told me I try to follow but as working parents, we are reaching our breaking point and need help. It's also taking a toll on our marriage. EI folks hinted that he needs ABA as soon as possible. I would really appreciate your input on below questions: \- Besides putting in the wait list for Burlington Developmental Pediatricians and Boston Children's Hospital what else can I do to get him evaluated as soon as possible? \- While we wait for an evaluation how can I get him more help from a professional since therapy is only twice a month interaction. I think is very low and will not help him a lot? I don't want to waste any precious time that can be used to help him. \- Is sending him to regular daycare a good idea? Both of us are burnt out. Child care is expensive but we are doing it 3 days a week so that we can be better parents for rest of the week by getting a breather. \- Besides expressive language. What should I do on a day-to-day basis with my son to help to talk and develop? \- As parents what do you recommend we do for ourselves? Our lives seems like have been upended since November when the Pediatrician told us that he is falling behind on his milestones and she is concerned. I do get a lot of negative rumination thoughts every member of my extended family has a reason why my son is falling behind and it seem like it our fault as parents. Didnt get the diet right? too much screen time? Somebody also told us it could be due to covid vaccines Thank you for reading this.	Your doing a lot for him and very early. Take care of yourself also. We have skipped ABA and got him into an Early Childhood Special Education, at age 3, now he is in his pre-school year of ECSE and we are learning the whole IEP system. It took a little while but he’s gone from just a few words to complete sentences. Floor time, reading to him, play is huge., Well, for starters, anyone telling you that COVID vaccines are the cause is not very informed. Your child may need additional supports, but they are not broken. They are not a project that you are failing. Their needs may be different than you anticipated, but your job as a parent is the same: Help them be happy, healthy and fulfilled. The best resource that I found, as a neurotypical parent of an autistic child, was autistic adults. Their advice is often very different than that of the neurotypical professionals working in this field, but I think it’s useful to have that perspective., Find a local parents group where you live and look in the search history for neuropsych there’s a lot more places you can get tested than hospitals We did go through BCH which is a long wait, but my advice is that allowed two routes in developmental medicine. We could either see a developments pediatrician or a neurologist in the autism spectrum center at children’s which was 9 month wait compared t 18. We went with that and I Iove our neurologist Contact a local speech and occupational therapy clinic and get him evaluated and start getting him outside services Stay in EI, when he turns 3 you can get him into the public school system on an IEP I’m in mass too, which area are you located?, I put my son on all of their wait lists to get evaluated and quickly got in at Boston medical center. As soon as I had a diagnosis in writing I was able to get much more in home services. However, you should qualify for early intervention in the home even without the diagnosis so look into this as well. As far as doctors go, the best are at children’s. We’ve been to tufts floating hospital, Boston medical center, local places, and children’s. We’ve switched all of my son’s specialities to children’s by this point after much trial and error. Good luck!, My three year old only said three words by age two. It was extremely difficult and frustrating but I highly recommend learning some basic sign language and making sure he is interacting with kids his own age. We also took our child to an ENT specialist and found out he had 70% blockage in one ear and 30% in the other ear. After two ear surgeries, a lot of speech and occupational therapy, and a wonderful daycare that took the time to learn basic signs language he is truly thriving! It’s a lot of work but it’s definitely paid off. He is still delayed but can communicate his basic needs, The number one thing you can do for your kid is to take care of your marriage. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. Do you know how on airplanes how they tell you to fix your own mask before you fix that of a child? That applies here too. First off, don’t jump to any conclusions before you get a diagnosis. Second of all, even if you do get a diagnosis, they have proven that these things are not caused by vaccines. I find that TV is perfectly OK, even a couple hours a day if you need it. Kids are learning about interaction, so just make sure that it’s something healthy like Daniel tiger. That does not involve too much conflict. I do find that diet is important, so just make sure your kid is not loading up on too much sugar and carbs and dairy. Of course, a little bit is fine, but obviously the healthier, the better. Consider applying for the autism waiver program, they can get you $20,000 a year for in-home therapy and other services. Definitely be proactive and childproofing. You’re home now. Do it before they hurt themselves., try finding a psychologist who can give your son his medical diagnosis. I had to take that route when my son was two (a year ago) because there’s only 2 developmental peds in my area, one wasn’t accepting new patients and the other no insurance accepted., I would at least try preschool, just to see if it will help. Also I tell everyone try sign language, YouTube has tons of videos for it, it at least gives a visual aid. Edit: on the vaccines causing autism thing, my oldest who is autistic didn't get vaccinated till he was 6 months, then he got one at a time, it took years to catch up. When I realized that people were blaming autism on vaccines I said f it and my youngest got all of them from birth on time, guess who isn't autistic? Those people can shove it where the sun doesn't shine., >Besides putting in the wait list for Burlington Developmental Pediatricians and Boston Children's Hospital what else can I do to get him evaluated as soon as possible? You've done about the best you can for now.. Your child is very young. We put in for a referral for an evaluation when my son was 4 and just starting kindergarten and he didn't actually get an appointment until the the end of that school year and even then it was only because they had a cancellation so we got in early. You're already ahead of the game. You're doing the best you can. Don't torture yourself too much over i that >- Is sending him to regular daycare a good idea? Both of us are burnt out. Child care is expensive but we are doing it 3 days a week so that we can be better parents for rest of the week by getting a breather. Personally I think it's worth at least trying. My son was in daycare full time from 18 months and he did really well there up until about age 4 and even then the problems only started because they were required to give the kids a "rest time" but he had outgrown afternoon naps so he would have meltdowns when they tried to get him to sit/lay down and be quiet for an hour. I think overall it really helped his social development and really helped us as parents be there for him more fully. Now every kid is different and if daycare ends up not working for yours, then so be it, but it's worth a try. Autistic kids can still do well in normal daycares depending on their level or individualized needs. >- Besides expressive language. What should I do on a day-to-day basis with my son to help to talk and develop? Just talk to him, read to him. Don't try to instruct him or drill him on words. And be mindful of his nonverbal communication methods. Just because he can't say much doesn't mean he doesn't understand. >I do get a lot of negative rumination thoughts every member of my extended family has a reason why my son is falling behind and it seem like it our fault as parents. Didnt get the diet right? too much screen time? ASD has no cause that a parent can affect. It has nothing to do with how they're raised. There's nothing you could have done to prevent this. Your child isn't failing, they're just different and they're going to require some different care and attention as the world just isn't built for ASD folks. So number 1 stop beating yourself up. You're doing everything right. And people in your family trying to assign cause are at best ill informed. Just try and turn them out and rest assured they don't know what they're talking about. The most important thing is that he's loved and cared for. Make sure to make time for yourself wherever you can. Understand that there's still a lot of developmental time ahead. Not talking now doesn't mean he'll never talk. >Somebody also told us it could be due to covid vaccines Remove this person from your life cause they're an idiot and will probably be a terrible influence., We just got our diagnosis from Boston children’s after a 4 month wait which honestly was much better than expected. My son is 22 months, zero words, lots of communication and social based developmental delays but in the past 5 months we’ve seen a lot of progress with eye contact and shared attention . BC was wonderful, so if you can go there I recommend it . We also before his diagnosis we’re doing 2x month speech therapy through ei technically, but I kept texting the therapist to let us know if any cancellations she’s had and we’d take the slots and we get it every week by this method! Also this won’t be every one’s experience but my son did not do well in normal daycare. I had him in 3 days a week from 8:30-4 and he cried every single day for hours a day for 6 full weeks before we took him out. He wouldn’t nap he wouldn’t eat - it was bad. Your son saying some words may be able yo communicate needs but our son couldn’t and so we will not be putting him in daycare until he can be in an integrated preschool at 3. It’s very hard and painful to wait for the diagnosis but truly nothing changes in getting it other than access to ABA, which most programs in ma won’t accept a child under two anyway. You have some time, but apply to ABA programs now because there’s waitlists for most everywhere. The best thing you can do is just be present and communicate with your child as much as possible and be willing to get in their world amd play how they play even if it doesn’t look like play as you know it., The symptoms you describe tilt to the severe end of the spectrum. I’d skip all the bullshit of mainstream school and call NECC, May School or any other private school for developmental disabilities funded by the school district where you live NOW. When I tried to enroll my child (8 years old) in NECC back in 2017 they told me the waiting list was INDEFINITE, I went through the same be patient he will talk . My son started talking at 4 years old now with in a year he is forming sentences and answering questions where are we going now school/ homedepot . I sent my son last year April - August to day care where he learned to follow instructions and few words . He enrolled in iep in Aug still going . In the month of November I put in speech and OT classes 2 times a week for 3 months and opted for speech in school Too . These month we started aba 20 hours at home so I stopped speech and OT. Take him to speech , restrict the screen time and if you want to give screen time give me for one hour but I took away my tv from home for 3 months which helped us a lot with this speech so a family we spent more time Doing puzzles reading books taking kids to neighbors home even though he does not play with them but now he play for less than 5 minutes ., Do you think daycare is going to be counter productive? Any steps on how I can get in into Early Childhood Special Education, Also to add I have heard excellent things about the Lurie Center at MGH if you can try getting on their wait list, South shore norwood area, Schools won’t talk to you at all till 3. There is very little information here, nothing tells us it’s every autism. Let’s not jump to worst case scenario and terrify a parent new in this journey. OP you’re doing all the right things, I think this is well intentioned but some children do not ultimately talk, and they can have good and happy lives as well., Thanks, but, Im just another dad trying to raise an autistic child to the best of my abilities. I’m in Michigan so that is one of a few options for us. You said Boston, so a little google-fu pointed me here. https://www.doe.mass.edu/sped/ecse/ Its a little tricky out there. cuz there are so many programs with similar sounding names. you gotta navigate that whole system. Also your gonna have to learn a bit about your district. Not every elementary school has all of the special needs resources. Here, they gotta be 3 before they can get into ecse. my son got in on just language delay. It was mid pandemics when all this became apparent to us. We have since updated everything and ASD is on his educational paperwork. I can not speak on your local daycare, i just don’t know the area. We, the parents, and educators, (teacher, para, speach therapists) don’t see an immediate need for ABA. But for us, 3-4 months of weekly speech therapy did very little, it actually took a while but the ecse seemed to not only work but has gotten him caught up in multiple areas. we also did ecse summer school., Sending you a PM, I live on the south shore and can get you in touch with resources, I don’t want to terrify OP , I moved to Boston just to have access to these specialized schools and the waiting lists are monstrous, before then my child was only head banging at public school up until five years old .If I could spare another child from what my child endured for being level 3 at public school that makes me a bad person?, https://www.romper.com/parenting/autism-nonverbal-communication-speech, thanks, Advice could be delivered differently is all I’m saying., Your doing a lot for him and very early. Take care of yourself also. We have skipped ABA and got him into an Early Childhood Special Education, at age 3, now he is in his pre-school year of ECSE and we are learning the whole IEP system. It took a little while but he’s gone from just a few words to complete sentences. Floor time, reading to him, play is huge., Well, for starters, anyone telling you that COVID vaccines are the cause is not very informed. Your child may need additional supports, but they are not broken. They are not a project that you are failing. Their needs may be different than you anticipated, but your job as a parent is the same: Help them be happy, healthy and fulfilled. The best resource that I found, as a neurotypical parent of an autistic child, was autistic adults. Their advice is often very different than that of the neurotypical professionals working in this field, but I think it’s useful to have that perspective., Find a local parents group where you live and look in the search history for neuropsych there’s a lot more places you can get tested than hospitals We did go through BCH which is a long wait, but my advice is that allowed two routes in developmental medicine. We could either see a developments pediatrician or a neurologist in the autism spectrum center at children’s which was 9 month wait compared t 18. We went with that and I Iove our neurologist Contact a local speech and occupational therapy clinic and get him evaluated and start getting him outside services Stay in EI, when he turns 3 you can get him into the public school system on an IEP I’m in mass too, which area are you located?, I put my son on all of their wait lists to get evaluated and quickly got in at Boston medical center. As soon as I had a diagnosis in writing I was able to get much more in home services. However, you should qualify for early intervention in the home even without the diagnosis so look into this as well. As far as doctors go, the best are at children’s. We’ve been to tufts floating hospital, Boston medical center, local places, and children’s. We’ve switched all of my son’s specialities to children’s by this point after much trial and error. Good luck!, My three year old only said three words by age two. It was extremely difficult and frustrating but I highly recommend learning some basic sign language and making sure he is interacting with kids his own age. We also took our child to an ENT specialist and found out he had 70% blockage in one ear and 30% in the other ear. After two ear surgeries, a lot of speech and occupational therapy, and a wonderful daycare that took the time to learn basic signs language he is truly thriving! It’s a lot of work but it’s definitely paid off. He is still delayed but can communicate his basic needs, The number one thing you can do for your kid is to take care of your marriage. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. Do you know how on airplanes how they tell you to fix your own mask before you fix that of a child? That applies here too. First off, don’t jump to any conclusions before you get a diagnosis. Second of all, even if you do get a diagnosis, they have proven that these things are not caused by vaccines. I find that TV is perfectly OK, even a couple hours a day if you need it. Kids are learning about interaction, so just make sure that it’s something healthy like Daniel tiger. That does not involve too much conflict. I do find that diet is important, so just make sure your kid is not loading up on too much sugar and carbs and dairy. Of course, a little bit is fine, but obviously the healthier, the better. Consider applying for the autism waiver program, they can get you $20,000 a year for in-home therapy and other services. Definitely be proactive and childproofing. You’re home now. Do it before they hurt themselves., try finding a psychologist who can give your son his medical diagnosis. I had to take that route when my son was two (a year ago) because there’s only 2 developmental peds in my area, one wasn’t accepting new patients and the other no insurance accepted., I would at least try preschool, just to see if it will help. Also I tell everyone try sign language, YouTube has tons of videos for it, it at least gives a visual aid. Edit: on the vaccines causing autism thing, my oldest who is autistic didn't get vaccinated till he was 6 months, then he got one at a time, it took years to catch up. When I realized that people were blaming autism on vaccines I said f it and my youngest got all of them from birth on time, guess who isn't autistic? Those people can shove it where the sun doesn't shine., >Besides putting in the wait list for Burlington Developmental Pediatricians and Boston Children's Hospital what else can I do to get him evaluated as soon as possible? You've done about the best you can for now.. Your child is very young. We put in for a referral for an evaluation when my son was 4 and just starting kindergarten and he didn't actually get an appointment until the the end of that school year and even then it was only because they had a cancellation so we got in early. You're already ahead of the game. You're doing the best you can. Don't torture yourself too much over i that >- Is sending him to regular daycare a good idea? Both of us are burnt out. Child care is expensive but we are doing it 3 days a week so that we can be better parents for rest of the week by getting a breather. Personally I think it's worth at least trying. My son was in daycare full time from 18 months and he did really well there up until about age 4 and even then the problems only started because they were required to give the kids a "rest time" but he had outgrown afternoon naps so he would have meltdowns when they tried to get him to sit/lay down and be quiet for an hour. I think overall it really helped his social development and really helped us as parents be there for him more fully. Now every kid is different and if daycare ends up not working for yours, then so be it, but it's worth a try. Autistic kids can still do well in normal daycares depending on their level or individualized needs. >- Besides expressive language. What should I do on a day-to-day basis with my son to help to talk and develop? Just talk to him, read to him. Don't try to instruct him or drill him on words. And be mindful of his nonverbal communication methods. Just because he can't say much doesn't mean he doesn't understand. >I do get a lot of negative rumination thoughts every member of my extended family has a reason why my son is falling behind and it seem like it our fault as parents. Didnt get the diet right? too much screen time? ASD has no cause that a parent can affect. It has nothing to do with how they're raised. There's nothing you could have done to prevent this. Your child isn't failing, they're just different and they're going to require some different care and attention as the world just isn't built for ASD folks. So number 1 stop beating yourself up. You're doing everything right. And people in your family trying to assign cause are at best ill informed. Just try and turn them out and rest assured they don't know what they're talking about. The most important thing is that he's loved and cared for. Make sure to make time for yourself wherever you can. Understand that there's still a lot of developmental time ahead. Not talking now doesn't mean he'll never talk. >Somebody also told us it could be due to covid vaccines Remove this person from your life cause they're an idiot and will probably be a terrible influence., We just got our diagnosis from Boston children’s after a 4 month wait which honestly was much better than expected. My son is 22 months, zero words, lots of communication and social based developmental delays but in the past 5 months we’ve seen a lot of progress with eye contact and shared attention . BC was wonderful, so if you can go there I recommend it . We also before his diagnosis we’re doing 2x month speech therapy through ei technically, but I kept texting the therapist to let us know if any cancellations she’s had and we’d take the slots and we get it every week by this method! Also this won’t be every one’s experience but my son did not do well in normal daycare. I had him in 3 days a week from 8:30-4 and he cried every single day for hours a day for 6 full weeks before we took him out. He wouldn’t nap he wouldn’t eat - it was bad. Your son saying some words may be able yo communicate needs but our son couldn’t and so we will not be putting him in daycare until he can be in an integrated preschool at 3. It’s very hard and painful to wait for the diagnosis but truly nothing changes in getting it other than access to ABA, which most programs in ma won’t accept a child under two anyway. You have some time, but apply to ABA programs now because there’s waitlists for most everywhere. The best thing you can do is just be present and communicate with your child as much as possible and be willing to get in their world amd play how they play even if it doesn’t look like play as you know it., The symptoms you describe tilt to the severe end of the spectrum. I’d skip all the bullshit of mainstream school and call NECC, May School or any other private school for developmental disabilities funded by the school district where you live NOW. When I tried to enroll my child (8 years old) in NECC back in 2017 they told me the waiting list was INDEFINITE, I went through the same be patient he will talk . My son started talking at 4 years old now with in a year he is forming sentences and answering questions where are we going now school/ homedepot . I sent my son last year April - August to day care where he learned to follow instructions and few words . He enrolled in iep in Aug still going . In the month of November I put in speech and OT classes 2 times a week for 3 months and opted for speech in school Too . These month we started aba 20 hours at home so I stopped speech and OT. Take him to speech , restrict the screen time and if you want to give screen time give me for one hour but I took away my tv from home for 3 months which helped us a lot with this speech so a family we spent more time Doing puzzles reading books taking kids to neighbors home even though he does not play with them but now he play for less than 5 minutes ., Do you think daycare is going to be counter productive? Any steps on how I can get in into Early Childhood Special Education, Also to add I have heard excellent things about the Lurie Center at MGH if you can try getting on their wait list, South shore norwood area, Schools won’t talk to you at all till 3. There is very little information here, nothing tells us it’s every autism. Let’s not jump to worst case scenario and terrify a parent new in this journey. OP you’re doing all the right things, I think this is well intentioned but some children do not ultimately talk, and they can have good and happy lives as well., Thanks, but, Im just another dad trying to raise an autistic child to the best of my abilities. I’m in Michigan so that is one of a few options for us. You said Boston, so a little google-fu pointed me here. https://www.doe.mass.edu/sped/ecse/ Its a little tricky out there. cuz there are so many programs with similar sounding names. you gotta navigate that whole system. Also your gonna have to learn a bit about your district. Not every elementary school has all of the special needs resources. Here, they gotta be 3 before they can get into ecse. my son got in on just language delay. It was mid pandemics when all this became apparent to us. We have since updated everything and ASD is on his educational paperwork. I can not speak on your local daycare, i just don’t know the area. We, the parents, and educators, (teacher, para, speach therapists) don’t see an immediate need for ABA. But for us, 3-4 months of weekly speech therapy did very little, it actually took a while but the ecse seemed to not only work but has gotten him caught up in multiple areas. we also did ecse summer school., Sending you a PM, I live on the south shore and can get you in touch with resources, I don’t want to terrify OP , I moved to Boston just to have access to these specialized schools and the waiting lists are monstrous, before then my child was only head banging at public school up until five years old .If I could spare another child from what my child endured for being level 3 at public school that makes me a bad person?, https://www.romper.com/parenting/autism-nonverbal-communication-speech, thanks, Advice could be delivered differently is all I’m saying., Your doing a lot for him and very early. Take care of yourself also. We have skipped ABA and got him into an Early Childhood Special Education, at age 3, now he is in his pre-school year of ECSE and we are learning the whole IEP system. It took a little while but he’s gone from just a few words to complete sentences. Floor time, reading to him, play is huge., Well, for starters, anyone telling you that COVID vaccines are the cause is not very informed. Your child may need additional supports, but they are not broken. They are not a project that you are failing. Their needs may be different than you anticipated, but your job as a parent is the same: Help them be happy, healthy and fulfilled. The best resource that I found, as a neurotypical parent of an autistic child, was autistic adults. Their advice is often very different than that of the neurotypical professionals working in this field, but I think it’s useful to have that perspective., Find a local parents group where you live and look in the search history for neuropsych there’s a lot more places you can get tested than hospitals We did go through BCH which is a long wait, but my advice is that allowed two routes in developmental medicine. We could either see a developments pediatrician or a neurologist in the autism spectrum center at children’s which was 9 month wait compared t 18. We went with that and I Iove our neurologist Contact a local speech and occupational therapy clinic and get him evaluated and start getting him outside services Stay in EI, when he turns 3 you can get him into the public school system on an IEP I’m in mass too, which area are you located?, I put my son on all of their wait lists to get evaluated and quickly got in at Boston medical center. As soon as I had a diagnosis in writing I was able to get much more in home services. However, you should qualify for early intervention in the home even without the diagnosis so look into this as well. As far as doctors go, the best are at children’s. We’ve been to tufts floating hospital, Boston medical center, local places, and children’s. We’ve switched all of my son’s specialities to children’s by this point after much trial and error. Good luck!, My three year old only said three words by age two. It was extremely difficult and frustrating but I highly recommend learning some basic sign language and making sure he is interacting with kids his own age. We also took our child to an ENT specialist and found out he had 70% blockage in one ear and 30% in the other ear. After two ear surgeries, a lot of speech and occupational therapy, and a wonderful daycare that took the time to learn basic signs language he is truly thriving! It’s a lot of work but it’s definitely paid off. He is still delayed but can communicate his basic needs, The number one thing you can do for your kid is to take care of your marriage. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. Do you know how on airplanes how they tell you to fix your own mask before you fix that of a child? That applies here too. First off, don’t jump to any conclusions before you get a diagnosis. Second of all, even if you do get a diagnosis, they have proven that these things are not caused by vaccines. I find that TV is perfectly OK, even a couple hours a day if you need it. Kids are learning about interaction, so just make sure that it’s something healthy like Daniel tiger. That does not involve too much conflict. I do find that diet is important, so just make sure your kid is not loading up on too much sugar and carbs and dairy. Of course, a little bit is fine, but obviously the healthier, the better. Consider applying for the autism waiver program, they can get you $20,000 a year for in-home therapy and other services. Definitely be proactive and childproofing. You’re home now. Do it before they hurt themselves., try finding a psychologist who can give your son his medical diagnosis. I had to take that route when my son was two (a year ago) because there’s only 2 developmental peds in my area, one wasn’t accepting new patients and the other no insurance accepted., I would at least try preschool, just to see if it will help. Also I tell everyone try sign language, YouTube has tons of videos for it, it at least gives a visual aid. Edit: on the vaccines causing autism thing, my oldest who is autistic didn't get vaccinated till he was 6 months, then he got one at a time, it took years to catch up. When I realized that people were blaming autism on vaccines I said f it and my youngest got all of them from birth on time, guess who isn't autistic? Those people can shove it where the sun doesn't shine., >Besides putting in the wait list for Burlington Developmental Pediatricians and Boston Children's Hospital what else can I do to get him evaluated as soon as possible? You've done about the best you can for now.. Your child is very young. We put in for a referral for an evaluation when my son was 4 and just starting kindergarten and he didn't actually get an appointment until the the end of that school year and even then it was only because they had a cancellation so we got in early. You're already ahead of the game. You're doing the best you can. Don't torture yourself too much over i that >- Is sending him to regular daycare a good idea? Both of us are burnt out. Child care is expensive but we are doing it 3 days a week so that we can be better parents for rest of the week by getting a breather. Personally I think it's worth at least trying. My son was in daycare full time from 18 months and he did really well there up until about age 4 and even then the problems only started because they were required to give the kids a "rest time" but he had outgrown afternoon naps so he would have meltdowns when they tried to get him to sit/lay down and be quiet for an hour. I think overall it really helped his social development and really helped us as parents be there for him more fully. Now every kid is different and if daycare ends up not working for yours, then so be it, but it's worth a try. Autistic kids can still do well in normal daycares depending on their level or individualized needs. >- Besides expressive language. What should I do on a day-to-day basis with my son to help to talk and develop? Just talk to him, read to him. Don't try to instruct him or drill him on words. And be mindful of his nonverbal communication methods. Just because he can't say much doesn't mean he doesn't understand. >I do get a lot of negative rumination thoughts every member of my extended family has a reason why my son is falling behind and it seem like it our fault as parents. Didnt get the diet right? too much screen time? ASD has no cause that a parent can affect. It has nothing to do with how they're raised. There's nothing you could have done to prevent this. Your child isn't failing, they're just different and they're going to require some different care and attention as the world just isn't built for ASD folks. So number 1 stop beating yourself up. You're doing everything right. And people in your family trying to assign cause are at best ill informed. Just try and turn them out and rest assured they don't know what they're talking about. The most important thing is that he's loved and cared for. Make sure to make time for yourself wherever you can. Understand that there's still a lot of developmental time ahead. Not talking now doesn't mean he'll never talk. >Somebody also told us it could be due to covid vaccines Remove this person from your life cause they're an idiot and will probably be a terrible influence., We just got our diagnosis from Boston children’s after a 4 month wait which honestly was much better than expected. My son is 22 months, zero words, lots of communication and social based developmental delays but in the past 5 months we’ve seen a lot of progress with eye contact and shared attention . BC was wonderful, so if you can go there I recommend it . We also before his diagnosis we’re doing 2x month speech therapy through ei technically, but I kept texting the therapist to let us know if any cancellations she’s had and we’d take the slots and we get it every week by this method! Also this won’t be every one’s experience but my son did not do well in normal daycare. I had him in 3 days a week from 8:30-4 and he cried every single day for hours a day for 6 full weeks before we took him out. He wouldn’t nap he wouldn’t eat - it was bad. Your son saying some words may be able yo communicate needs but our son couldn’t and so we will not be putting him in daycare until he can be in an integrated preschool at 3. It’s very hard and painful to wait for the diagnosis but truly nothing changes in getting it other than access to ABA, which most programs in ma won’t accept a child under two anyway. You have some time, but apply to ABA programs now because there’s waitlists for most everywhere. The best thing you can do is just be present and communicate with your child as much as possible and be willing to get in their world amd play how they play even if it doesn’t look like play as you know it., The symptoms you describe tilt to the severe end of the spectrum. I’d skip all the bullshit of mainstream school and call NECC, May School or any other private school for developmental disabilities funded by the school district where you live NOW. When I tried to enroll my child (8 years old) in NECC back in 2017 they told me the waiting list was INDEFINITE, I went through the same be patient he will talk . My son started talking at 4 years old now with in a year he is forming sentences and answering questions where are we going now school/ homedepot . I sent my son last year April - August to day care where he learned to follow instructions and few words . He enrolled in iep in Aug still going . In the month of November I put in speech and OT classes 2 times a week for 3 months and opted for speech in school Too . These month we started aba 20 hours at home so I stopped speech and OT. Take him to speech , restrict the screen time and if you want to give screen time give me for one hour but I took away my tv from home for 3 months which helped us a lot with this speech so a family we spent more time Doing puzzles reading books taking kids to neighbors home even though he does not play with them but now he play for less than 5 minutes ., Do you think daycare is going to be counter productive? Any steps on how I can get in into Early Childhood Special Education, Also to add I have heard excellent things about the Lurie Center at MGH if you can try getting on their wait list, South shore norwood area, Schools won’t talk to you at all till 3. There is very little information here, nothing tells us it’s every autism. Let’s not jump to worst case scenario and terrify a parent new in this journey. OP you’re doing all the right things, I think this is well intentioned but some children do not ultimately talk, and they can have good and happy lives as well., Thanks, but, Im just another dad trying to raise an autistic child to the best of my abilities. I’m in Michigan so that is one of a few options for us. You said Boston, so a little google-fu pointed me here. https://www.doe.mass.edu/sped/ecse/ Its a little tricky out there. cuz there are so many programs with similar sounding names. you gotta navigate that whole system. Also your gonna have to learn a bit about your district. Not every elementary school has all of the special needs resources. Here, they gotta be 3 before they can get into ecse. my son got in on just language delay. It was mid pandemics when all this became apparent to us. We have since updated everything and ASD is on his educational paperwork. I can not speak on your local daycare, i just don’t know the area. We, the parents, and educators, (teacher, para, speach therapists) don’t see an immediate need for ABA. But for us, 3-4 months of weekly speech therapy did very little, it actually took a while but the ecse seemed to not only work but has gotten him caught up in multiple areas. we also did ecse summer school., Sending you a PM, I live on the south shore and can get you in touch with resources, I don’t want to terrify OP , I moved to Boston just to have access to these specialized schools and the waiting lists are monstrous, before then my child was only head banging at public school up until five years old .If I could spare another child from what my child endured for being level 3 at public school that makes me a bad person?, https://www.romper.com/parenting/autism-nonverbal-communication-speech, thanks, Advice could be delivered differently is all I’m saying., Your doing a lot for him and very early. Take care of yourself also. We have skipped ABA and got him into an Early Childhood Special Education, at age 3, now he is in his pre-school year of ECSE and we are learning the whole IEP system. It took a little while but he’s gone from just a few words to complete sentences. Floor time, reading to him, play is huge., Well, for starters, anyone telling you that COVID vaccines are the cause is not very informed. Your child may need additional supports, but they are not broken. They are not a project that you are failing. Their needs may be different than you anticipated, but your job as a parent is the same: Help them be happy, healthy and fulfilled. The best resource that I found, as a neurotypical parent of an autistic child, was autistic adults. Their advice is often very different than that of the neurotypical professionals working in this field, but I think it’s useful to have that perspective., Find a local parents group where you live and look in the search history for neuropsych there’s a lot more places you can get tested than hospitals We did go through BCH which is a long wait, but my advice is that allowed two routes in developmental medicine. We could either see a developments pediatrician or a neurologist in the autism spectrum center at children’s which was 9 month wait compared t 18. We went with that and I Iove our neurologist Contact a local speech and occupational therapy clinic and get him evaluated and start getting him outside services Stay in EI, when he turns 3 you can get him into the public school system on an IEP I’m in mass too, which area are you located?, I put my son on all of their wait lists to get evaluated and quickly got in at Boston medical center. As soon as I had a diagnosis in writing I was able to get much more in home services. However, you should qualify for early intervention in the home even without the diagnosis so look into this as well. As far as doctors go, the best are at children’s. We’ve been to tufts floating hospital, Boston medical center, local places, and children’s. We’ve switched all of my son’s specialities to children’s by this point after much trial and error. Good luck!, My three year old only said three words by age two. It was extremely difficult and frustrating but I highly recommend learning some basic sign language and making sure he is interacting with kids his own age. We also took our child to an ENT specialist and found out he had 70% blockage in one ear and 30% in the other ear. After two ear surgeries, a lot of speech and occupational therapy, and a wonderful daycare that took the time to learn basic signs language he is truly thriving! It’s a lot of work but it’s definitely paid off. He is still delayed but can communicate his basic needs, The number one thing you can do for your kid is to take care of your marriage. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. Do you know how on airplanes how they tell you to fix your own mask before you fix that of a child? That applies here too. First off, don’t jump to any conclusions before you get a diagnosis. Second of all, even if you do get a diagnosis, they have proven that these things are not caused by vaccines. I find that TV is perfectly OK, even a couple hours a day if you need it. Kids are learning about interaction, so just make sure that it’s something healthy like Daniel tiger. That does not involve too much conflict. I do find that diet is important, so just make sure your kid is not loading up on too much sugar and carbs and dairy. Of course, a little bit is fine, but obviously the healthier, the better. Consider applying for the autism waiver program, they can get you $20,000 a year for in-home therapy and other services. Definitely be proactive and childproofing. You’re home now. Do it before they hurt themselves., try finding a psychologist who can give your son his medical diagnosis. I had to take that route when my son was two (a year ago) because there’s only 2 developmental peds in my area, one wasn’t accepting new patients and the other no insurance accepted., I would at least try preschool, just to see if it will help. Also I tell everyone try sign language, YouTube has tons of videos for it, it at least gives a visual aid. Edit: on the vaccines causing autism thing, my oldest who is autistic didn't get vaccinated till he was 6 months, then he got one at a time, it took years to catch up. When I realized that people were blaming autism on vaccines I said f it and my youngest got all of them from birth on time, guess who isn't autistic? Those people can shove it where the sun doesn't shine., >Besides putting in the wait list for Burlington Developmental Pediatricians and Boston Children's Hospital what else can I do to get him evaluated as soon as possible? You've done about the best you can for now.. Your child is very young. We put in for a referral for an evaluation when my son was 4 and just starting kindergarten and he didn't actually get an appointment until the the end of that school year and even then it was only because they had a cancellation so we got in early. You're already ahead of the game. You're doing the best you can. Don't torture yourself too much over i that >- Is sending him to regular daycare a good idea? Both of us are burnt out. Child care is expensive but we are doing it 3 days a week so that we can be better parents for rest of the week by getting a breather. Personally I think it's worth at least trying. My son was in daycare full time from 18 months and he did really well there up until about age 4 and even then the problems only started because they were required to give the kids a "rest time" but he had outgrown afternoon naps so he would have meltdowns when they tried to get him to sit/lay down and be quiet for an hour. I think overall it really helped his social development and really helped us as parents be there for him more fully. Now every kid is different and if daycare ends up not working for yours, then so be it, but it's worth a try. Autistic kids can still do well in normal daycares depending on their level or individualized needs. >- Besides expressive language. What should I do on a day-to-day basis with my son to help to talk and develop? Just talk to him, read to him. Don't try to instruct him or drill him on words. And be mindful of his nonverbal communication methods. Just because he can't say much doesn't mean he doesn't understand. >I do get a lot of negative rumination thoughts every member of my extended family has a reason why my son is falling behind and it seem like it our fault as parents. Didnt get the diet right? too much screen time? ASD has no cause that a parent can affect. It has nothing to do with how they're raised. There's nothing you could have done to prevent this. Your child isn't failing, they're just different and they're going to require some different care and attention as the world just isn't built for ASD folks. So number 1 stop beating yourself up. You're doing everything right. And people in your family trying to assign cause are at best ill informed. Just try and turn them out and rest assured they don't know what they're talking about. The most important thing is that he's loved and cared for. Make sure to make time for yourself wherever you can. Understand that there's still a lot of developmental time ahead. Not talking now doesn't mean he'll never talk. >Somebody also told us it could be due to covid vaccines Remove this person from your life cause they're an idiot and will probably be a terrible influence., We just got our diagnosis from Boston children’s after a 4 month wait which honestly was much better than expected. My son is 22 months, zero words, lots of communication and social based developmental delays but in the past 5 months we’ve seen a lot of progress with eye contact and shared attention . BC was wonderful, so if you can go there I recommend it . We also before his diagnosis we’re doing 2x month speech therapy through ei technically, but I kept texting the therapist to let us know if any cancellations she’s had and we’d take the slots and we get it every week by this method! Also this won’t be every one’s experience but my son did not do well in normal daycare. I had him in 3 days a week from 8:30-4 and he cried every single day for hours a day for 6 full weeks before we took him out. He wouldn’t nap he wouldn’t eat - it was bad. Your son saying some words may be able yo communicate needs but our son couldn’t and so we will not be putting him in daycare until he can be in an integrated preschool at 3. It’s very hard and painful to wait for the diagnosis but truly nothing changes in getting it other than access to ABA, which most programs in ma won’t accept a child under two anyway. You have some time, but apply to ABA programs now because there’s waitlists for most everywhere. The best thing you can do is just be present and communicate with your child as much as possible and be willing to get in their world amd play how they play even if it doesn’t look like play as you know it., The symptoms you describe tilt to the severe end of the spectrum. I’d skip all the bullshit of mainstream school and call NECC, May School or any other private school for developmental disabilities funded by the school district where you live NOW. When I tried to enroll my child (8 years old) in NECC back in 2017 they told me the waiting list was INDEFINITE, I went through the same be patient he will talk . My son started talking at 4 years old now with in a year he is forming sentences and answering questions where are we going now school/ homedepot . I sent my son last year April - August to day care where he learned to follow instructions and few words . He enrolled in iep in Aug still going . In the month of November I put in speech and OT classes 2 times a week for 3 months and opted for speech in school Too . These month we started aba 20 hours at home so I stopped speech and OT. Take him to speech , restrict the screen time and if you want to give screen time give me for one hour but I took away my tv from home for 3 months which helped us a lot with this speech so a family we spent more time Doing puzzles reading books taking kids to neighbors home even though he does not play with them but now he play for less than 5 minutes ., Do you think daycare is going to be counter productive? Any steps on how I can get in into Early Childhood Special Education, Also to add I have heard excellent things about the Lurie Center at MGH if you can try getting on their wait list, South shore norwood area, Schools won’t talk to you at all till 3. There is very little information here, nothing tells us it’s every autism. Let’s not jump to worst case scenario and terrify a parent new in this journey. OP you’re doing all the right things, I think this is well intentioned but some children do not ultimately talk, and they can have good and happy lives as well., Thanks, but, Im just another dad trying to raise an autistic child to the best of my abilities. I’m in Michigan so that is one of a few options for us. You said Boston, so a little google-fu pointed me here. https://www.doe.mass.edu/sped/ecse/ Its a little tricky out there. cuz there are so many programs with similar sounding names. you gotta navigate that whole system. Also your gonna have to learn a bit about your district. Not every elementary school has all of the special needs resources. Here, they gotta be 3 before they can get into ecse. my son got in on just language delay. It was mid pandemics when all this became apparent to us. We have since updated everything and ASD is on his educational paperwork. I can not speak on your local daycare, i just don’t know the area. We, the parents, and educators, (teacher, para, speach therapists) don’t see an immediate need for ABA. But for us, 3-4 months of weekly speech therapy did very little, it actually took a while but the ecse seemed to not only work but has gotten him caught up in multiple areas. we also did ecse summer school., Sending you a PM, I live on the south shore and can get you in touch with resources, I don’t want to terrify OP , I moved to Boston just to have access to these specialized schools and the waiting lists are monstrous, before then my child was only head banging at public school up until five years old .If I could spare another child from what my child endured for being level 3 at public school that makes me a bad person?, https://www.romper.com/parenting/autism-nonverbal-communication-speech, thanks, Advice could be delivered differently is all I’m saying.
Need some guidance	Hello everyone, I have an almost 3 year old daughter. Since she was about 10months old, my husband and I have had a feeling that she might have autism. It all started with her not really answering to her name, and us having the impression that she didn't fully register that we were there (say sitting next to her, trying to interact, etc). Her eye contact has always been incredibly intense. About a year ago, we had a speech evaluation, and we were told that she might be "borderline delayed" but that if we gave her sometime she would probably catch up. A few months after, she could sing whole songs and repeat them nonstop, but couldn't, for example, answer the question "what is your name?". When interacting with other children, she only mimics what they say, and does not have "words of her own". Bedtime was basically a time where she would (and still will) repeat words of phrases she heard during the day, or even days before. Repeating for sometimes an hour We moved states, and her new pediatrician sent us to have her speech evaluated again. We were told that she is a gestalt language processor, and that she has delayed echolalia. After learning about what that all is, many things started to make sense. Speech therapy has been amazing for her, and for us. We have been able to give her scripts to better communicate with us through books, TV shows, movies and songs. It has been such a game changer! The past 3 months, I feel like some new things have surfaced that I want to bring up at her 3 year pediatrician appointment, with the hopes of getting a referral for an evaluation (assessment?) to see if she's in the spectrum. Categorization: very specific routines for leaving home, entering therapy building, where she can or cannot eat certain foods, for things to say when arriving at school. Things that if they don't happen as they are "supposed" to happen, epic meltdowns occur. Not really noticing people around: this has been starting to happen outside our home now. It is most noticable at school. She went from interacting with everyone to all of the sudden not even acknowledging her teachers anymore. This still happens to some degree at home, but we mostly let her be, and she comes back to us when she is ready. My husband and I really feel like asking for an assessment is the right way to go. Do you resonate with our experience? Are we making a big deal out of nothing? This is all new to us and we just want to make sure that she has all the support she needs. Thank you for reading!	I have a three year old son who just got diagnosed I had that feeling when he was around 1 and it never left me. Everyone said it was a delay but I knew it was more. I’d say go get evaluated it’s hard but you will get more help if she is diagnosed and trust your gut I know I did and I was able to get him into therapies and programs before the diagnosis., Here is the biggest telltale sign: JOINT ATTENTION. Does she point (to request, show, etc)? Does she follow your point? Does she follow your gaze (if your eyes drift to look at something, does she follow your gaze)? Does she have 3 point gaze? (she sees an airplane, then looks at you to see if you saw it too, and then looks back at the airplane to share the experience with you)? Many autistic children have eye contact but they are missing nonverbal communication building blocks that 12 month olds have mastered. Even children with speech delays can communicate by pointing and gesturing. Things to also evaluate is her imitation skills. Since joint attention is usually low in autistic children, they don’t imitate as much as NT do. Imitation at that age should be super strong from being able to imitate the movements of simple songs (head shoulders, knees and toes & wind the bobbin up, etc) to incorporating what you do in your daily life into her play. Which is the next point you should look into: play skills. 3 year olds are now able to play pretend play (functional and conventional: putting food into a pot and pretending to cook; pretending to heal their toy puppy). Their play is moving from doing an action to the toy (feeding the doll) to giving life to the doll (makes the doll walk up the stairs; talks to another doll, etc). If the play feels scripted (recreated from a video she watched or a book she read, and she doesn’t have many play routines) and lacks multiple schemes, it’s something that needs to be evaluated. I think given her history of delays, being a gestalt language processor, and not catching up despite working with an SLP, you should seek a comprehensive evaluation. At the end of the day, remember that toddlers and preschoolers who receive early intervention have the best outcomes in living an independent life in comparison to peers who don’t receive it. This is a fact, shown in dozens of times in recent studies. So getting an evaluation not only gives you peace of mind but you can essentially change your daughter’s life for the better in case she is autistic. If she’s not, you can advocate better for her so she could get the intervention she needs without doctors and therapists suggesting a wrong a diagnosis. , Thank you so much for your response! It's so good to know that other people feel this way too., Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me. I've been thinking through your point of joint attention and I think this is something I need to observe more closely in the coming days. Sometimes it feels like everything is so automated that it is hard to tell if that is even happening or not (I'm not sure if that makes any sense). Regardless, we are most definitely going to be requesting an evaluation. Thank you, you've given me so much to think about!, I have a three year old son who just got diagnosed I had that feeling when he was around 1 and it never left me. Everyone said it was a delay but I knew it was more. I’d say go get evaluated it’s hard but you will get more help if she is diagnosed and trust your gut I know I did and I was able to get him into therapies and programs before the diagnosis., Here is the biggest telltale sign: JOINT ATTENTION. Does she point (to request, show, etc)? Does she follow your point? Does she follow your gaze (if your eyes drift to look at something, does she follow your gaze)? Does she have 3 point gaze? (she sees an airplane, then looks at you to see if you saw it too, and then looks back at the airplane to share the experience with you)? Many autistic children have eye contact but they are missing nonverbal communication building blocks that 12 month olds have mastered. Even children with speech delays can communicate by pointing and gesturing. Things to also evaluate is her imitation skills. Since joint attention is usually low in autistic children, they don’t imitate as much as NT do. Imitation at that age should be super strong from being able to imitate the movements of simple songs (head shoulders, knees and toes & wind the bobbin up, etc) to incorporating what you do in your daily life into her play. Which is the next point you should look into: play skills. 3 year olds are now able to play pretend play (functional and conventional: putting food into a pot and pretending to cook; pretending to heal their toy puppy). Their play is moving from doing an action to the toy (feeding the doll) to giving life to the doll (makes the doll walk up the stairs; talks to another doll, etc). If the play feels scripted (recreated from a video she watched or a book she read, and she doesn’t have many play routines) and lacks multiple schemes, it’s something that needs to be evaluated. I think given her history of delays, being a gestalt language processor, and not catching up despite working with an SLP, you should seek a comprehensive evaluation. At the end of the day, remember that toddlers and preschoolers who receive early intervention have the best outcomes in living an independent life in comparison to peers who don’t receive it. This is a fact, shown in dozens of times in recent studies. So getting an evaluation not only gives you peace of mind but you can essentially change your daughter’s life for the better in case she is autistic. If she’s not, you can advocate better for her so she could get the intervention she needs without doctors and therapists suggesting a wrong a diagnosis. , Thank you so much for your response! It's so good to know that other people feel this way too., Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me. I've been thinking through your point of joint attention and I think this is something I need to observe more closely in the coming days. Sometimes it feels like everything is so automated that it is hard to tell if that is even happening or not (I'm not sure if that makes any sense). Regardless, we are most definitely going to be requesting an evaluation. Thank you, you've given me so much to think about!, I have a three year old son who just got diagnosed I had that feeling when he was around 1 and it never left me. Everyone said it was a delay but I knew it was more. I’d say go get evaluated it’s hard but you will get more help if she is diagnosed and trust your gut I know I did and I was able to get him into therapies and programs before the diagnosis., Here is the biggest telltale sign: JOINT ATTENTION. Does she point (to request, show, etc)? Does she follow your point? Does she follow your gaze (if your eyes drift to look at something, does she follow your gaze)? Does she have 3 point gaze? (she sees an airplane, then looks at you to see if you saw it too, and then looks back at the airplane to share the experience with you)? Many autistic children have eye contact but they are missing nonverbal communication building blocks that 12 month olds have mastered. Even children with speech delays can communicate by pointing and gesturing. Things to also evaluate is her imitation skills. Since joint attention is usually low in autistic children, they don’t imitate as much as NT do. Imitation at that age should be super strong from being able to imitate the movements of simple songs (head shoulders, knees and toes & wind the bobbin up, etc) to incorporating what you do in your daily life into her play. Which is the next point you should look into: play skills. 3 year olds are now able to play pretend play (functional and conventional: putting food into a pot and pretending to cook; pretending to heal their toy puppy). Their play is moving from doing an action to the toy (feeding the doll) to giving life to the doll (makes the doll walk up the stairs; talks to another doll, etc). If the play feels scripted (recreated from a video she watched or a book she read, and she doesn’t have many play routines) and lacks multiple schemes, it’s something that needs to be evaluated. I think given her history of delays, being a gestalt language processor, and not catching up despite working with an SLP, you should seek a comprehensive evaluation. At the end of the day, remember that toddlers and preschoolers who receive early intervention have the best outcomes in living an independent life in comparison to peers who don’t receive it. This is a fact, shown in dozens of times in recent studies. So getting an evaluation not only gives you peace of mind but you can essentially change your daughter’s life for the better in case she is autistic. If she’s not, you can advocate better for her so she could get the intervention she needs without doctors and therapists suggesting a wrong a diagnosis. , Thank you so much for your response! It's so good to know that other people feel this way too., Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me. I've been thinking through your point of joint attention and I think this is something I need to observe more closely in the coming days. Sometimes it feels like everything is so automated that it is hard to tell if that is even happening or not (I'm not sure if that makes any sense). Regardless, we are most definitely going to be requesting an evaluation. Thank you, you've given me so much to think about!, I have a three year old son who just got diagnosed I had that feeling when he was around 1 and it never left me. Everyone said it was a delay but I knew it was more. I’d say go get evaluated it’s hard but you will get more help if she is diagnosed and trust your gut I know I did and I was able to get him into therapies and programs before the diagnosis., Here is the biggest telltale sign: JOINT ATTENTION. Does she point (to request, show, etc)? Does she follow your point? Does she follow your gaze (if your eyes drift to look at something, does she follow your gaze)? Does she have 3 point gaze? (she sees an airplane, then looks at you to see if you saw it too, and then looks back at the airplane to share the experience with you)? Many autistic children have eye contact but they are missing nonverbal communication building blocks that 12 month olds have mastered. Even children with speech delays can communicate by pointing and gesturing. Things to also evaluate is her imitation skills. Since joint attention is usually low in autistic children, they don’t imitate as much as NT do. Imitation at that age should be super strong from being able to imitate the movements of simple songs (head shoulders, knees and toes & wind the bobbin up, etc) to incorporating what you do in your daily life into her play. Which is the next point you should look into: play skills. 3 year olds are now able to play pretend play (functional and conventional: putting food into a pot and pretending to cook; pretending to heal their toy puppy). Their play is moving from doing an action to the toy (feeding the doll) to giving life to the doll (makes the doll walk up the stairs; talks to another doll, etc). If the play feels scripted (recreated from a video she watched or a book she read, and she doesn’t have many play routines) and lacks multiple schemes, it’s something that needs to be evaluated. I think given her history of delays, being a gestalt language processor, and not catching up despite working with an SLP, you should seek a comprehensive evaluation. At the end of the day, remember that toddlers and preschoolers who receive early intervention have the best outcomes in living an independent life in comparison to peers who don’t receive it. This is a fact, shown in dozens of times in recent studies. So getting an evaluation not only gives you peace of mind but you can essentially change your daughter’s life for the better in case she is autistic. If she’s not, you can advocate better for her so she could get the intervention she needs without doctors and therapists suggesting a wrong a diagnosis. , Thank you so much for your response! It's so good to know that other people feel this way too., Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me. I've been thinking through your point of joint attention and I think this is something I need to observe more closely in the coming days. Sometimes it feels like everything is so automated that it is hard to tell if that is even happening or not (I'm not sure if that makes any sense). Regardless, we are most definitely going to be requesting an evaluation. Thank you, you've given me so much to think about!
Need some ideas or advice please	My son is 3.5 nonverbal and I really want to cut screen time for him. Currently we don’t limit screen time and he uses it to script ALL DAY LONG if he changes an activity he has a video for it, if we say we’re going somewhere he has a video for it. He’ll play the same video for hours sometimes. How can I maybe break him from this? It’s starting to get in the way of us communicating with him he yells any time we try to play or script with him. Any negative comments WILL be reported.	I'm in the same boat with my 3.5 yr old.Once his tablet is charging I try to make him forget about it but he usually ends up with my phone in the meantime., My son watches videos through his iPad and hates the tv since he can’t control it. I usually hide the iPad at night so when he wakes up he does not have it. Slowly build up their tolerance and distract them with other activities (toys, outside activities, etc.). My son is perfectly fine waking up to no screen time now and doesn’t get screen time until he’s back from school. Sometimes I forget to bring his iPad out and he is perfectly fine just playing with his toys. It’s been a few months now and even when I give him his iPad back, he gets bored of it and will prefer to do other things., Ok, so at the beginning of the pandemic when they closed down daycares and we were trying to watch our son and work remotely, my son got WAY too much screen time. Eventually we figured it out and realized we needed to pull back on screen time for his own good. We started giving him screen time during designated times (lets say an hour after lunch and an hour before dinner). It was hard, but my son got used to the routine after awhile and eventually didn't fuss when it was time to put the screen away. The Director of our therapy provider at the time told us not to give in and give him the screen if it wasn't the designated time, now matter how upset he got because that would just teach him if he complained loud enough he'd get his way. We filled the time with other activities like reading, spending time outdoors / going for walks, doing crafts, dancing - it obviously got a lot easier when daycare opened back up again and when my son eventually went to school, For some reason my daughter has limited her own screen time after we got a sensory swing. It has been heaven sent!, SAME, That’s a very good idea! Thank you so much
Need suggestions for a catchy song that recites multiplication tables!	My 11 y/o (level 3) is learning multiplication tables. He has done skip counting before but cannot use that very effectively to answer multiplication problems. But he really likes the multiplication grid his teacher gave him, and I think he understands the general concept, but needs something to help him remember. He is an excellent pianist and can play almost anything once he’s heard it once or twice. I know there are a lot of skip counting songs out there, but I want something that actually says the whole equation so max can sing it in his head or play the piano and get to the answer (ie, instead of the words for 3s being “3, 6, 9, 12…” id like it to say “3x1 is 3, 3x2 is 6, …”). I couldn’t find any on YouTube that weren’t just skip counting so thought I’d ask here. Or if there’s a popular song you know of where there were lyrics replaced with the equations, he could probably do that too. Bonus if you know of a way to fit the lyrics into “Let It Go,” “Into the Unknown,” “Bohemian Rhapsody” “You’ve Got Time,” “You’ll be Back” or pretty much anything by Doja Cat. He already loves and plays those songs. Tyia!!	If you want a trip down memory lane, I'd recommend [Schoolhouse Rock ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schoolhouse_Rock!). I don't know if you'll have to visit the "high seas" to get copies, but we definitely had an entire VHS tape with all the multiplication songs on it from the 1970s that I would watch in the 1990s. Aarrgh! 🏴‍☠️🦜🎵, I can remember learning my times tables super well, super fast, because I had a great memory and I figured my son would be the same because he also has a great memory. But he couldn’t learn them beyond a few. It was very frustrating and confounding. And honestly, a sign of things to come ie he only learns what he’s interested in. Once he could demonstrate that he knew how to multiply, they let him use a calculator. I was very opposed at first, but eventually realized it was necessary., We do free multiplication games online, When I was learning my times tables, my mom taught me to say the facts in a rhythmic singsongy jump rope rhyme way, like “Ice Cream Soda, Cherry on Top”. To this day, I still hear “6 times 8 is 48” in that voice. Maybe you can put on a Doja Cat karaoke track and challenge him to recite the facts to the beat., There used to be a computer game version too, it was great, so many core lessons cemented in my brain from that., Schoolhouse Rock is on Disney+ now. 😊, Really!? Thanks for letting me know. ❤️, If you want a trip down memory lane, I'd recommend [Schoolhouse Rock ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schoolhouse_Rock!). I don't know if you'll have to visit the "high seas" to get copies, but we definitely had an entire VHS tape with all the multiplication songs on it from the 1970s that I would watch in the 1990s. Aarrgh! 🏴‍☠️🦜🎵, I can remember learning my times tables super well, super fast, because I had a great memory and I figured my son would be the same because he also has a great memory. But he couldn’t learn them beyond a few. It was very frustrating and confounding. And honestly, a sign of things to come ie he only learns what he’s interested in. Once he could demonstrate that he knew how to multiply, they let him use a calculator. I was very opposed at first, but eventually realized it was necessary., We do free multiplication games online, When I was learning my times tables, my mom taught me to say the facts in a rhythmic singsongy jump rope rhyme way, like “Ice Cream Soda, Cherry on Top”. To this day, I still hear “6 times 8 is 48” in that voice. Maybe you can put on a Doja Cat karaoke track and challenge him to recite the facts to the beat., There used to be a computer game version too, it was great, so many core lessons cemented in my brain from that., Schoolhouse Rock is on Disney+ now. 😊, Really!? Thanks for letting me know. ❤️, If you want a trip down memory lane, I'd recommend [Schoolhouse Rock ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schoolhouse_Rock!). I don't know if you'll have to visit the "high seas" to get copies, but we definitely had an entire VHS tape with all the multiplication songs on it from the 1970s that I would watch in the 1990s. Aarrgh! 🏴‍☠️🦜🎵, I can remember learning my times tables super well, super fast, because I had a great memory and I figured my son would be the same because he also has a great memory. But he couldn’t learn them beyond a few. It was very frustrating and confounding. And honestly, a sign of things to come ie he only learns what he’s interested in. Once he could demonstrate that he knew how to multiply, they let him use a calculator. I was very opposed at first, but eventually realized it was necessary., We do free multiplication games online, When I was learning my times tables, my mom taught me to say the facts in a rhythmic singsongy jump rope rhyme way, like “Ice Cream Soda, Cherry on Top”. To this day, I still hear “6 times 8 is 48” in that voice. Maybe you can put on a Doja Cat karaoke track and challenge him to recite the facts to the beat., There used to be a computer game version too, it was great, so many core lessons cemented in my brain from that., Schoolhouse Rock is on Disney+ now. 😊, Really!? Thanks for letting me know. ❤️, If you want a trip down memory lane, I'd recommend [Schoolhouse Rock ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schoolhouse_Rock!). I don't know if you'll have to visit the "high seas" to get copies, but we definitely had an entire VHS tape with all the multiplication songs on it from the 1970s that I would watch in the 1990s. Aarrgh! 🏴‍☠️🦜🎵, I can remember learning my times tables super well, super fast, because I had a great memory and I figured my son would be the same because he also has a great memory. But he couldn’t learn them beyond a few. It was very frustrating and confounding. And honestly, a sign of things to come ie he only learns what he’s interested in. Once he could demonstrate that he knew how to multiply, they let him use a calculator. I was very opposed at first, but eventually realized it was necessary., We do free multiplication games online, When I was learning my times tables, my mom taught me to say the facts in a rhythmic singsongy jump rope rhyme way, like “Ice Cream Soda, Cherry on Top”. To this day, I still hear “6 times 8 is 48” in that voice. Maybe you can put on a Doja Cat karaoke track and challenge him to recite the facts to the beat., There used to be a computer game version too, it was great, so many core lessons cemented in my brain from that., Schoolhouse Rock is on Disney+ now. 😊, Really!? Thanks for letting me know. ❤️
Need to limit screen time & find therapy rewards to use with limited interests	My 12 year old son has high functioning autism & attends regular high school. He has social issues at school including bullying but I will not go into that in this post. As background, very sadly his mother (my wife) passed away 6 months ago from a rare disease and I am his sole carer. My son uses electronic devices for gaming & watches youtube all the time when at home and has done so for a few years. He does not know what to do with himself if he is not doing these things. I know I have to limit the screen time somewhat but have not initiated this yet. He will very likely become unbearable and abusive both verbally and physically once I enforce the change. I can't figure out alternative activities for him that he does not hate. This will be a nightmare so I would love any advice people have in this area. Additionally I need to provide a list of potential "rewards" to a specialist therapist to be used to help change some of my son's other troublesome behaviours that regular therapy could not resolve. Unfortunately there is basically nothing that I can think of for a reward. He does not enjoy much other than his electronic devices which I need to limit. Has anyone else come across this frustrating scenario? Thank you for reading 🙂	I find that limiting screen time is a thing that's only possible if the child has other interests. Why do you "need" to limit them ? I was once in his shoes and thank goodness my (also only parent, just like you) figured out my limited activities made me happy and regulated. Just like your son I was heavily bullied at school. Please don't remove his one outlet, it would be devastating for him, Well, might not be helpful advice, but .. perhaps it is possible to not limit his screen time while still getting some positive change. Not all screen time is the same, not all YouTube channels are the same. Not all games are the same.. Perhaps he can learn to divide his screen time , to include or expand some of the more beneficial use. For reading it does not matter as much if he reads a book or some fanfic based upon a game or some lore... Perhaps the best starting point would be to really understand what he uses his screen time for. If possible, get him to talk and explain what he does when and why. Try to get some time to share in games he plays, if he would like that. My kid (10) really likes to play with his dad. Maybe this can become a reward for other times like therapy etc., I am very sorry for your loss. I don't limit screen time. I don't see a reason to. My son is 18, non verbal, level 3. He uses his phone (you tube) to amuse himself, regulate himself, and to communicate with me. In fact, I have never limited screen time to any of my kids (I have 6). I don't even limit it for myself. With the exception of my son with ASD, everyone is grown, gainfully employed and well adjusted., I’m sorry for your loss. Does he like reading? Sometimes it takes finding the right genre and interesting topics, and it was a good alternative to screens for me when I was a kid. Maybe you could try board games or puzzles together. Bike rides or walking trails. Just introduce one thing at a time and see if it catches his interest. It’s hard to replace the easy dopamine boost you get from screens. The right things can be just as rewarding, but I know it’s different for everyone., Thank you for letting me know your personal experience. I'm not going to stop him using the devices too much but I will try other activities to see if I can broaden his interests. He has some age inappropriate habits to do with drinking vessels that cause social issues and it could be difficult to change them without rewards being used. Even though he knows the habits need to change he can't bring himself to change. It is a bit like the saying "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink"., It is extremely difficult to get him to explain things or talk about anything other than what he wants to. He thinks it is stupid and always fobs me off. I do try and will give it another go., That is so good. You have done a great job raising all your kids 😊, He refuses to read books. We used to play board games with him like snakes & ladders and also card games like Uno. I suspect he remembers playing with his Mum and perhaps after her passing he does not want to play anymore just with me. I try to get him to play at his Nanna's place but no success yet. The trick is to just keep trying..., Thank you for answering. I have a question : does he actually want to change his habits regarding drinking vessels ? The more my parents got on my case for anything regarding my autism, the more protective and proud I was of that aspect of myself. Is he like that ? Can the rewards for improving with them be related to his interests (in-game currency rather than screentime itself for example) Also, I may suggest to cut back on trying to get him other things if he reacts very negatively from the get go. We see right through those attempts and, even if as parents you're of course just trying to do what's right. For example, I'm still a bit resentful towards my parent for putting me in Judo when I was 10, even after I repeatedly refused. I am much older now, but the fact that there was an attempt to change my "base parameters" still angers me., Well, the idea is to let him tell what he wants, I was a dedicated gamer myself at some point in my life and I did set my on milestones in games I would like to achieve. For sure he has his own plans what he would like in the games to achieve. So getting him to share those would be a huge step to understanding. It may be that gaming sometimes is just an escape, to flee into a world with safer rules. But I would be willing to bet own him having some plans what to achieve at least in some games. I don't know how deep your knowledge of his games are or what kind of games he likes most, neither do I know either of you enough, to go give you a good talking point to start with. Oh, sincerely all the best wishes to you. I wish you can stay strong in sad times, but please also take your own time. /s Dunno how that got forgotten in my first post. /s, They are the best humans, ever. We had so much fun when they were young...I miss the happy chaos. Hoping for some grandkids someday...we shall see!, Thanks that is a good question. He drinks only milk formula from baby bottles and he knows that other kids would bully him so much more if they saw him doing it. At his old school some kids saw him through a window of the office where he did his drinking and he was scared. He wants to give it up but it is complicated because he also gets comfort from it. I think he has mixed feelings due to the comfort versus the knowledge that he would be ridiculed at his high school if observed. I don't ridicule him at all but so many people are cruel. There are also hydration aspects to the usage of the bottles with the milk which needs refrigeration. It would help him and give him confidence if he was able to move on from the habit himself., I see... that is such a complicated situation to navigate. I wish a lot of luck to you two, and you seem like an awesome dad., Thank you 🙂, I find that limiting screen time is a thing that's only possible if the child has other interests. Why do you "need" to limit them ? I was once in his shoes and thank goodness my (also only parent, just like you) figured out my limited activities made me happy and regulated. Just like your son I was heavily bullied at school. Please don't remove his one outlet, it would be devastating for him, Well, might not be helpful advice, but .. perhaps it is possible to not limit his screen time while still getting some positive change. Not all screen time is the same, not all YouTube channels are the same. Not all games are the same.. Perhaps he can learn to divide his screen time , to include or expand some of the more beneficial use. For reading it does not matter as much if he reads a book or some fanfic based upon a game or some lore... Perhaps the best starting point would be to really understand what he uses his screen time for. If possible, get him to talk and explain what he does when and why. Try to get some time to share in games he plays, if he would like that. My kid (10) really likes to play with his dad. Maybe this can become a reward for other times like therapy etc., I am very sorry for your loss. I don't limit screen time. I don't see a reason to. My son is 18, non verbal, level 3. He uses his phone (you tube) to amuse himself, regulate himself, and to communicate with me. In fact, I have never limited screen time to any of my kids (I have 6). I don't even limit it for myself. With the exception of my son with ASD, everyone is grown, gainfully employed and well adjusted., I’m sorry for your loss. Does he like reading? Sometimes it takes finding the right genre and interesting topics, and it was a good alternative to screens for me when I was a kid. Maybe you could try board games or puzzles together. Bike rides or walking trails. Just introduce one thing at a time and see if it catches his interest. It’s hard to replace the easy dopamine boost you get from screens. The right things can be just as rewarding, but I know it’s different for everyone., Thank you for letting me know your personal experience. I'm not going to stop him using the devices too much but I will try other activities to see if I can broaden his interests. He has some age inappropriate habits to do with drinking vessels that cause social issues and it could be difficult to change them without rewards being used. Even though he knows the habits need to change he can't bring himself to change. It is a bit like the saying "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink"., It is extremely difficult to get him to explain things or talk about anything other than what he wants to. He thinks it is stupid and always fobs me off. I do try and will give it another go., That is so good. You have done a great job raising all your kids 😊, He refuses to read books. We used to play board games with him like snakes & ladders and also card games like Uno. I suspect he remembers playing with his Mum and perhaps after her passing he does not want to play anymore just with me. I try to get him to play at his Nanna's place but no success yet. The trick is to just keep trying..., Thank you for answering. I have a question : does he actually want to change his habits regarding drinking vessels ? The more my parents got on my case for anything regarding my autism, the more protective and proud I was of that aspect of myself. Is he like that ? Can the rewards for improving with them be related to his interests (in-game currency rather than screentime itself for example) Also, I may suggest to cut back on trying to get him other things if he reacts very negatively from the get go. We see right through those attempts and, even if as parents you're of course just trying to do what's right. For example, I'm still a bit resentful towards my parent for putting me in Judo when I was 10, even after I repeatedly refused. I am much older now, but the fact that there was an attempt to change my "base parameters" still angers me., Well, the idea is to let him tell what he wants, I was a dedicated gamer myself at some point in my life and I did set my on milestones in games I would like to achieve. For sure he has his own plans what he would like in the games to achieve. So getting him to share those would be a huge step to understanding. It may be that gaming sometimes is just an escape, to flee into a world with safer rules. But I would be willing to bet own him having some plans what to achieve at least in some games. I don't know how deep your knowledge of his games are or what kind of games he likes most, neither do I know either of you enough, to go give you a good talking point to start with. Oh, sincerely all the best wishes to you. I wish you can stay strong in sad times, but please also take your own time. /s Dunno how that got forgotten in my first post. /s, They are the best humans, ever. We had so much fun when they were young...I miss the happy chaos. Hoping for some grandkids someday...we shall see!, Thanks that is a good question. He drinks only milk formula from baby bottles and he knows that other kids would bully him so much more if they saw him doing it. At his old school some kids saw him through a window of the office where he did his drinking and he was scared. He wants to give it up but it is complicated because he also gets comfort from it. I think he has mixed feelings due to the comfort versus the knowledge that he would be ridiculed at his high school if observed. I don't ridicule him at all but so many people are cruel. There are also hydration aspects to the usage of the bottles with the milk which needs refrigeration. It would help him and give him confidence if he was able to move on from the habit himself., I see... that is such a complicated situation to navigate. I wish a lot of luck to you two, and you seem like an awesome dad., Thank you 🙂, I find that limiting screen time is a thing that's only possible if the child has other interests. Why do you "need" to limit them ? I was once in his shoes and thank goodness my (also only parent, just like you) figured out my limited activities made me happy and regulated. Just like your son I was heavily bullied at school. Please don't remove his one outlet, it would be devastating for him, Well, might not be helpful advice, but .. perhaps it is possible to not limit his screen time while still getting some positive change. Not all screen time is the same, not all YouTube channels are the same. Not all games are the same.. Perhaps he can learn to divide his screen time , to include or expand some of the more beneficial use. For reading it does not matter as much if he reads a book or some fanfic based upon a game or some lore... Perhaps the best starting point would be to really understand what he uses his screen time for. If possible, get him to talk and explain what he does when and why. Try to get some time to share in games he plays, if he would like that. My kid (10) really likes to play with his dad. Maybe this can become a reward for other times like therapy etc., I am very sorry for your loss. I don't limit screen time. I don't see a reason to. My son is 18, non verbal, level 3. He uses his phone (you tube) to amuse himself, regulate himself, and to communicate with me. In fact, I have never limited screen time to any of my kids (I have 6). I don't even limit it for myself. With the exception of my son with ASD, everyone is grown, gainfully employed and well adjusted., I’m sorry for your loss. Does he like reading? Sometimes it takes finding the right genre and interesting topics, and it was a good alternative to screens for me when I was a kid. Maybe you could try board games or puzzles together. Bike rides or walking trails. Just introduce one thing at a time and see if it catches his interest. It’s hard to replace the easy dopamine boost you get from screens. The right things can be just as rewarding, but I know it’s different for everyone., Thank you for letting me know your personal experience. I'm not going to stop him using the devices too much but I will try other activities to see if I can broaden his interests. He has some age inappropriate habits to do with drinking vessels that cause social issues and it could be difficult to change them without rewards being used. Even though he knows the habits need to change he can't bring himself to change. It is a bit like the saying "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink"., It is extremely difficult to get him to explain things or talk about anything other than what he wants to. He thinks it is stupid and always fobs me off. I do try and will give it another go., That is so good. You have done a great job raising all your kids 😊, He refuses to read books. We used to play board games with him like snakes & ladders and also card games like Uno. I suspect he remembers playing with his Mum and perhaps after her passing he does not want to play anymore just with me. I try to get him to play at his Nanna's place but no success yet. The trick is to just keep trying..., Thank you for answering. I have a question : does he actually want to change his habits regarding drinking vessels ? The more my parents got on my case for anything regarding my autism, the more protective and proud I was of that aspect of myself. Is he like that ? Can the rewards for improving with them be related to his interests (in-game currency rather than screentime itself for example) Also, I may suggest to cut back on trying to get him other things if he reacts very negatively from the get go. We see right through those attempts and, even if as parents you're of course just trying to do what's right. For example, I'm still a bit resentful towards my parent for putting me in Judo when I was 10, even after I repeatedly refused. I am much older now, but the fact that there was an attempt to change my "base parameters" still angers me., Well, the idea is to let him tell what he wants, I was a dedicated gamer myself at some point in my life and I did set my on milestones in games I would like to achieve. For sure he has his own plans what he would like in the games to achieve. So getting him to share those would be a huge step to understanding. It may be that gaming sometimes is just an escape, to flee into a world with safer rules. But I would be willing to bet own him having some plans what to achieve at least in some games. I don't know how deep your knowledge of his games are or what kind of games he likes most, neither do I know either of you enough, to go give you a good talking point to start with. Oh, sincerely all the best wishes to you. I wish you can stay strong in sad times, but please also take your own time. /s Dunno how that got forgotten in my first post. /s, They are the best humans, ever. We had so much fun when they were young...I miss the happy chaos. Hoping for some grandkids someday...we shall see!, Thanks that is a good question. He drinks only milk formula from baby bottles and he knows that other kids would bully him so much more if they saw him doing it. At his old school some kids saw him through a window of the office where he did his drinking and he was scared. He wants to give it up but it is complicated because he also gets comfort from it. I think he has mixed feelings due to the comfort versus the knowledge that he would be ridiculed at his high school if observed. I don't ridicule him at all but so many people are cruel. There are also hydration aspects to the usage of the bottles with the milk which needs refrigeration. It would help him and give him confidence if he was able to move on from the habit himself., I see... that is such a complicated situation to navigate. I wish a lot of luck to you two, and you seem like an awesome dad., Thank you 🙂, I find that limiting screen time is a thing that's only possible if the child has other interests. Why do you "need" to limit them ? I was once in his shoes and thank goodness my (also only parent, just like you) figured out my limited activities made me happy and regulated. Just like your son I was heavily bullied at school. Please don't remove his one outlet, it would be devastating for him, Well, might not be helpful advice, but .. perhaps it is possible to not limit his screen time while still getting some positive change. Not all screen time is the same, not all YouTube channels are the same. Not all games are the same.. Perhaps he can learn to divide his screen time , to include or expand some of the more beneficial use. For reading it does not matter as much if he reads a book or some fanfic based upon a game or some lore... Perhaps the best starting point would be to really understand what he uses his screen time for. If possible, get him to talk and explain what he does when and why. Try to get some time to share in games he plays, if he would like that. My kid (10) really likes to play with his dad. Maybe this can become a reward for other times like therapy etc., I am very sorry for your loss. I don't limit screen time. I don't see a reason to. My son is 18, non verbal, level 3. He uses his phone (you tube) to amuse himself, regulate himself, and to communicate with me. In fact, I have never limited screen time to any of my kids (I have 6). I don't even limit it for myself. With the exception of my son with ASD, everyone is grown, gainfully employed and well adjusted., I’m sorry for your loss. Does he like reading? Sometimes it takes finding the right genre and interesting topics, and it was a good alternative to screens for me when I was a kid. Maybe you could try board games or puzzles together. Bike rides or walking trails. Just introduce one thing at a time and see if it catches his interest. It’s hard to replace the easy dopamine boost you get from screens. The right things can be just as rewarding, but I know it’s different for everyone., Thank you for letting me know your personal experience. I'm not going to stop him using the devices too much but I will try other activities to see if I can broaden his interests. He has some age inappropriate habits to do with drinking vessels that cause social issues and it could be difficult to change them without rewards being used. Even though he knows the habits need to change he can't bring himself to change. It is a bit like the saying "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink"., It is extremely difficult to get him to explain things or talk about anything other than what he wants to. He thinks it is stupid and always fobs me off. I do try and will give it another go., That is so good. You have done a great job raising all your kids 😊, He refuses to read books. We used to play board games with him like snakes & ladders and also card games like Uno. I suspect he remembers playing with his Mum and perhaps after her passing he does not want to play anymore just with me. I try to get him to play at his Nanna's place but no success yet. The trick is to just keep trying..., Thank you for answering. I have a question : does he actually want to change his habits regarding drinking vessels ? The more my parents got on my case for anything regarding my autism, the more protective and proud I was of that aspect of myself. Is he like that ? Can the rewards for improving with them be related to his interests (in-game currency rather than screentime itself for example) Also, I may suggest to cut back on trying to get him other things if he reacts very negatively from the get go. We see right through those attempts and, even if as parents you're of course just trying to do what's right. For example, I'm still a bit resentful towards my parent for putting me in Judo when I was 10, even after I repeatedly refused. I am much older now, but the fact that there was an attempt to change my "base parameters" still angers me., Well, the idea is to let him tell what he wants, I was a dedicated gamer myself at some point in my life and I did set my on milestones in games I would like to achieve. For sure he has his own plans what he would like in the games to achieve. So getting him to share those would be a huge step to understanding. It may be that gaming sometimes is just an escape, to flee into a world with safer rules. But I would be willing to bet own him having some plans what to achieve at least in some games. I don't know how deep your knowledge of his games are or what kind of games he likes most, neither do I know either of you enough, to go give you a good talking point to start with. Oh, sincerely all the best wishes to you. I wish you can stay strong in sad times, but please also take your own time. /s Dunno how that got forgotten in my first post. /s, They are the best humans, ever. We had so much fun when they were young...I miss the happy chaos. Hoping for some grandkids someday...we shall see!, Thanks that is a good question. He drinks only milk formula from baby bottles and he knows that other kids would bully him so much more if they saw him doing it. At his old school some kids saw him through a window of the office where he did his drinking and he was scared. He wants to give it up but it is complicated because he also gets comfort from it. I think he has mixed feelings due to the comfort versus the knowledge that he would be ridiculed at his high school if observed. I don't ridicule him at all but so many people are cruel. There are also hydration aspects to the usage of the bottles with the milk which needs refrigeration. It would help him and give him confidence if he was able to move on from the habit himself., I see... that is such a complicated situation to navigate. I wish a lot of luck to you two, and you seem like an awesome dad., Thank you 🙂
Need urgent help	My brother is 15 and has severe autism. He is mostly non verbal. The problem is he is now becoming a big problem. 1) Sexual urges. He is being overtly sexual to everyone in his life excluding his father. He wants to rub his penis on people and he gropes women. This has lead to him being kicked out of schools and becoming homeschooled. He’s back in school now but we don’t know if he’ll make it till he graduates. He also wants to lick and smell my feet. When he over powered me once he took off my shoe and started making out with my foot. I don’t know where this came from but it makes me feel gross and want to cry. He finds everything funny. Nothing is serious to him. You scold him or tell him not to do something and he laughs like it’s the funniest thing in the world. It doesn’t get through to him at all. 2) The aggression is horrid. Just today he went to the SSI office with my mother and when they were leaving he picked up a stick and started hitting cars in the parking lot with it. My mother has told me that people were recording so this ordeal is probably blowing up on tiktok now. The police were also called but the security guard there told them to leave before they came. He fights horrifically with his older 20 year old brother leading to broken ribs and lots of bloody mouths and noses. Our small two bedroom apartment is littered with gigantic body sized holes due to him body slamming himself, his brother or my mother (who just finished a round of chemo) into them. 3) self harm. Just yesterday he was released from the hospital due to him splitting open his arm on a mirror. Did I mention that it took SEVENTEEN PEOPLE to hold him down to sedate him and treat him? He purposely hits his face, picks huge craters into his skin, falls down on himself and knocks himself into walls to hurt himself whenever he is scolded. There’s so much more to him but basically what I’m asking is what do we do? I know it’s only a matter of time before the “he has autism” excuse is rinsed out and he is arrested or killed because of his antics. Whether from the sexual assault and someone presses charges, destruction of property, fighting, hurting himself or if he runs into the road just because he finds it funny that we’re telling him stop. Oh and did I tell you that the only pediatric health center within a 25 mile radius of us that takes our insurance has a 1.5 year waitlist for psychiatric intake/ autism intake? I want to suggest to my mother to take him to the hospital, let them use as many nurses as possible to hold him down and sedate him so that she can finally get a doctor to prescribe him any medication to curb these idek what to call them. I’m crying now because I’m just so frustrated. No one understands him like us and all it takes is one ticked off person and his life is over like that.	My dear I think I the best course of action is what you are suggesting. He clearly needs medication and professional help. There’s a time where they need more than we can offer, and love is not enough. Talk to your mom and look into the possibility of y’all calling an ambulance or maybe bringing him yourselves to the ER and speak to the psychiatrist on call, about the possibility of giving him professional care. I’m so so sorry y’all are experiencing this! Please, look into therapy for you too, you can use someone to lean on, and some healing!, I don't know what you should do either. He does sound like he needs residential care but I don't know if that is actually available, or where to find it. Just wanted to say how astounding it is how much love and concern you're still showing for him, even after all this., Do YOU have a safe place to be away from him? you're a victim of assault here - please don't minimize that. You can love him, be empathetic for him, and still be a victim of assault. I want you to focus on your OWN safety here. DO you have a counselor or teacher you can talk to about this? They are mandated reporters and can make a report to CPS which might help your family get some additional support and services., As a parent who loves my kids so much, I have to recommend a group home for him. The problem is I don’t know if you have e one near you or if your family can even afford it bc it’s so darn expensive. I’m so sorry, I do recommend the ER, [deleted], This is a group home situation., Sounds like a genuine danger to himself and others. He needs a professional home. What you're describing sounds beyond autism IMO and dipping into sociopathy/psychotic territory. Molesting someone and laughing about it....i'd just let the cops handle that... diagnostic history is irrelevant, that shit is plain evil and you can't let someone like that roam around in society. How in the hell is he even getting into that shit? Does this kid get a lot of unsupervised internet time?, I'm sorry that sounds so very difficult and upsetting. To fast track help I think you need to either call and ambulance next time your brother is violent or harming himself or get your Mum to bring him to the ER department. You guys need resources and support asap, Yeah, he needs to be medicated. I'm not normally one for that, but this is an extreme. I've heard of CBD being used. I'll get him to a psychiatrist specializing in medicine for autistic people ASAP , [deleted], You poor thing. What state are you in,?, Do you have someone you trust you can speak to? He sounds like a real threat and needs some form of intervention before he hurts someone else. Reading about his behavior is... horrifying., Thank you, I’ll ask my mom if we can go tonight, I second this., What if he takes the taser and uses it on her?, My older brother mostly. If I explained what he has done to me, my mother, and grandmother 1) I’d be here all day and 2) you’d throw up. The most horrifying things you can say about women, he’s said it. He plays vulgar rap music and swears all day everyday playing games online. He makes no contributions to the household, says he hates everyone in it but does not leave. He plays vulgar music videos on the TV and my brother unfortunately watches them. If you touch the tv he’ll break or throw away your things (he also broke said tv). He also has an iPad that’s connected via iCloud to his phone that he lets my little brother use and all his photos are on the iPad. My little brother likes going through photos… you can connect the rest…, Well I know his mother can't, she just finished a round of chemotherapy for cancer, I’m in Illinois but not near Chicago. The middle of nowhere haha, Aww that's a bummer. So it's sort of hand me down misbehavior. It's harder to crack two eggs than one. :/, My dear I think I the best course of action is what you are suggesting. He clearly needs medication and professional help. There’s a time where they need more than we can offer, and love is not enough. Talk to your mom and look into the possibility of y’all calling an ambulance or maybe bringing him yourselves to the ER and speak to the psychiatrist on call, about the possibility of giving him professional care. I’m so so sorry y’all are experiencing this! Please, look into therapy for you too, you can use someone to lean on, and some healing!, I don't know what you should do either. He does sound like he needs residential care but I don't know if that is actually available, or where to find it. Just wanted to say how astounding it is how much love and concern you're still showing for him, even after all this., Do YOU have a safe place to be away from him? you're a victim of assault here - please don't minimize that. You can love him, be empathetic for him, and still be a victim of assault. I want you to focus on your OWN safety here. DO you have a counselor or teacher you can talk to about this? They are mandated reporters and can make a report to CPS which might help your family get some additional support and services., As a parent who loves my kids so much, I have to recommend a group home for him. The problem is I don’t know if you have e one near you or if your family can even afford it bc it’s so darn expensive. I’m so sorry, I do recommend the ER, [deleted], This is a group home situation., Sounds like a genuine danger to himself and others. He needs a professional home. What you're describing sounds beyond autism IMO and dipping into sociopathy/psychotic territory. Molesting someone and laughing about it....i'd just let the cops handle that... diagnostic history is irrelevant, that shit is plain evil and you can't let someone like that roam around in society. How in the hell is he even getting into that shit? Does this kid get a lot of unsupervised internet time?, I'm sorry that sounds so very difficult and upsetting. To fast track help I think you need to either call and ambulance next time your brother is violent or harming himself or get your Mum to bring him to the ER department. You guys need resources and support asap, Yeah, he needs to be medicated. I'm not normally one for that, but this is an extreme. I've heard of CBD being used. I'll get him to a psychiatrist specializing in medicine for autistic people ASAP , [deleted], You poor thing. What state are you in,?, Do you have someone you trust you can speak to? He sounds like a real threat and needs some form of intervention before he hurts someone else. Reading about his behavior is... horrifying., Thank you, I’ll ask my mom if we can go tonight, I second this., What if he takes the taser and uses it on her?, My older brother mostly. If I explained what he has done to me, my mother, and grandmother 1) I’d be here all day and 2) you’d throw up. The most horrifying things you can say about women, he’s said it. He plays vulgar rap music and swears all day everyday playing games online. He makes no contributions to the household, says he hates everyone in it but does not leave. He plays vulgar music videos on the TV and my brother unfortunately watches them. If you touch the tv he’ll break or throw away your things (he also broke said tv). He also has an iPad that’s connected via iCloud to his phone that he lets my little brother use and all his photos are on the iPad. My little brother likes going through photos… you can connect the rest…, Well I know his mother can't, she just finished a round of chemotherapy for cancer, I’m in Illinois but not near Chicago. The middle of nowhere haha, Aww that's a bummer. So it's sort of hand me down misbehavior. It's harder to crack two eggs than one. :/, My dear I think I the best course of action is what you are suggesting. He clearly needs medication and professional help. There’s a time where they need more than we can offer, and love is not enough. Talk to your mom and look into the possibility of y’all calling an ambulance or maybe bringing him yourselves to the ER and speak to the psychiatrist on call, about the possibility of giving him professional care. I’m so so sorry y’all are experiencing this! Please, look into therapy for you too, you can use someone to lean on, and some healing!, I don't know what you should do either. He does sound like he needs residential care but I don't know if that is actually available, or where to find it. Just wanted to say how astounding it is how much love and concern you're still showing for him, even after all this., Do YOU have a safe place to be away from him? you're a victim of assault here - please don't minimize that. You can love him, be empathetic for him, and still be a victim of assault. I want you to focus on your OWN safety here. DO you have a counselor or teacher you can talk to about this? They are mandated reporters and can make a report to CPS which might help your family get some additional support and services., As a parent who loves my kids so much, I have to recommend a group home for him. The problem is I don’t know if you have e one near you or if your family can even afford it bc it’s so darn expensive. I’m so sorry, I do recommend the ER, [deleted], This is a group home situation., Sounds like a genuine danger to himself and others. He needs a professional home. What you're describing sounds beyond autism IMO and dipping into sociopathy/psychotic territory. Molesting someone and laughing about it....i'd just let the cops handle that... diagnostic history is irrelevant, that shit is plain evil and you can't let someone like that roam around in society. How in the hell is he even getting into that shit? Does this kid get a lot of unsupervised internet time?, I'm sorry that sounds so very difficult and upsetting. To fast track help I think you need to either call and ambulance next time your brother is violent or harming himself or get your Mum to bring him to the ER department. You guys need resources and support asap, Yeah, he needs to be medicated. I'm not normally one for that, but this is an extreme. I've heard of CBD being used. I'll get him to a psychiatrist specializing in medicine for autistic people ASAP , [deleted], You poor thing. What state are you in,?, Do you have someone you trust you can speak to? He sounds like a real threat and needs some form of intervention before he hurts someone else. Reading about his behavior is... horrifying., Thank you, I’ll ask my mom if we can go tonight, I second this., What if he takes the taser and uses it on her?, My older brother mostly. If I explained what he has done to me, my mother, and grandmother 1) I’d be here all day and 2) you’d throw up. The most horrifying things you can say about women, he’s said it. He plays vulgar rap music and swears all day everyday playing games online. He makes no contributions to the household, says he hates everyone in it but does not leave. He plays vulgar music videos on the TV and my brother unfortunately watches them. If you touch the tv he’ll break or throw away your things (he also broke said tv). He also has an iPad that’s connected via iCloud to his phone that he lets my little brother use and all his photos are on the iPad. My little brother likes going through photos… you can connect the rest…, Well I know his mother can't, she just finished a round of chemotherapy for cancer, I’m in Illinois but not near Chicago. The middle of nowhere haha, Aww that's a bummer. So it's sort of hand me down misbehavior. It's harder to crack two eggs than one. :/, My dear I think I the best course of action is what you are suggesting. He clearly needs medication and professional help. There’s a time where they need more than we can offer, and love is not enough. Talk to your mom and look into the possibility of y’all calling an ambulance or maybe bringing him yourselves to the ER and speak to the psychiatrist on call, about the possibility of giving him professional care. I’m so so sorry y’all are experiencing this! Please, look into therapy for you too, you can use someone to lean on, and some healing!, I don't know what you should do either. He does sound like he needs residential care but I don't know if that is actually available, or where to find it. Just wanted to say how astounding it is how much love and concern you're still showing for him, even after all this., Do YOU have a safe place to be away from him? you're a victim of assault here - please don't minimize that. You can love him, be empathetic for him, and still be a victim of assault. I want you to focus on your OWN safety here. DO you have a counselor or teacher you can talk to about this? They are mandated reporters and can make a report to CPS which might help your family get some additional support and services., As a parent who loves my kids so much, I have to recommend a group home for him. The problem is I don’t know if you have e one near you or if your family can even afford it bc it’s so darn expensive. I’m so sorry, I do recommend the ER, [deleted], This is a group home situation., Sounds like a genuine danger to himself and others. He needs a professional home. What you're describing sounds beyond autism IMO and dipping into sociopathy/psychotic territory. Molesting someone and laughing about it....i'd just let the cops handle that... diagnostic history is irrelevant, that shit is plain evil and you can't let someone like that roam around in society. How in the hell is he even getting into that shit? Does this kid get a lot of unsupervised internet time?, I'm sorry that sounds so very difficult and upsetting. To fast track help I think you need to either call and ambulance next time your brother is violent or harming himself or get your Mum to bring him to the ER department. You guys need resources and support asap, Yeah, he needs to be medicated. I'm not normally one for that, but this is an extreme. I've heard of CBD being used. I'll get him to a psychiatrist specializing in medicine for autistic people ASAP , [deleted], You poor thing. What state are you in,?, Do you have someone you trust you can speak to? He sounds like a real threat and needs some form of intervention before he hurts someone else. Reading about his behavior is... horrifying., Thank you, I’ll ask my mom if we can go tonight, I second this., What if he takes the taser and uses it on her?, My older brother mostly. If I explained what he has done to me, my mother, and grandmother 1) I’d be here all day and 2) you’d throw up. The most horrifying things you can say about women, he’s said it. He plays vulgar rap music and swears all day everyday playing games online. He makes no contributions to the household, says he hates everyone in it but does not leave. He plays vulgar music videos on the TV and my brother unfortunately watches them. If you touch the tv he’ll break or throw away your things (he also broke said tv). He also has an iPad that’s connected via iCloud to his phone that he lets my little brother use and all his photos are on the iPad. My little brother likes going through photos… you can connect the rest…, Well I know his mother can't, she just finished a round of chemotherapy for cancer, I’m in Illinois but not near Chicago. The middle of nowhere haha, Aww that's a bummer. So it's sort of hand me down misbehavior. It's harder to crack two eggs than one. :/
Needing advice to help an Autistic 22 year old male.	Hi everyone, I'm posting to ask for some honest advice. I am not a parent, but I'm an older sister (26F) and I'm deeply concerned for my dad (49M). My younger brother (22M) has been diagnosed as autistic for most of his life. He also has ADHD, depression, and anxiety. He goes through these periods that last months where he's absolutely miserable to everyone and everything. He normally takes it out on our stepmom (40F) and our father. He's just very mean, rude, and aggressivewith how he talks to everyone. He was just an asshole to a server tonight when we all went to dinner. He's not interested in anything and he doesn't have any motivation. He won't do anything to try to help himself or even try to talk about why he's feeling the way he does. We've tried different meds, different combos, but as soon as he feels different (3 days normally) he'll refuse to take the new meds and go straight back to zoloft. It's not working AT ALL. He's currently going to an outpatient clinic and has a team consisting of a therapist, psychologist, and a nurse. He's legally an adult so we couldn't go in even if we wanted to (we wouldn't invade his privacy without his approval). My dad is at his wits end. He tries so hard to be the best advocate for my brother and his needs. My brother causes him so much stress he's had to go to the ER for panic attacks and chest pain. I really need advice on what we can do at this point. I know it isn't his fault entirely, I know what depression and anxiety is like, I've had both for years but I can't watch my dad kill himself trying to help someone that I've watched take all of it for granted. Does anyone have any suggestions for medications or treatments to help the anxiety and depression? He's been on Cymbalta, zoloft, and Risperdal. I'm hoping of we can find something to help, he'll start being more receptive and happier. Edit I've been on quite a few antidepressants myself, I know everyone has a different reaction to them. If anyone has stories on meds (anxiety or depression) that helped/hurt their kids it would definitely help. Any treatments would be the main thing I'm wondering about though. My dad has taken my brother to family counseling before, but my brother refused to talk while my dad was in the room. My dad talks to a therapist, but he can't take anything that could change his mood or brain chemistry due to his job. My brother can take himself to appointments after he's been brought a few times, and he has a part-time job. He's mainly financially dependent on our parents. The aggressive behavior isn't new, he used to put his hands on me and my dog when I was a teenager but last I know of physical aggression was when we were youger	Is your dad able to get support for his panic and anxiety? Counselling and medications? I don’t have any good advice, but I’m wondering if he is able to find some coping mechanisms. I think finding tools can help. Your dad and step mom are so young still, I hope they are able to take care of themselves., So (as someone whose been on ssri's), asking for advice on drugs... on the internet...is not a good idea. Most psychiatrists and psychologists do a trial and error method with mopd stabilizers. Its a lot like the approach to hormonal borth control. And unfortunately, the only person who knows which drug is the best for them is the user. And it varies dramatically from person to person. [Key example, I got very rageful from lexapro-- personality changed entirely. Switched to zoloft, at a medium dose, vomitted, profusely sweated and had heart palpitations. Some people never experience this adverse reaction.] My best advice and probably the one that most people will say on this app is to possibly point to the ssris that your brother is taking as a possible contributor to the aggression (tell his therapist) and reccomended family or individual therapy for your dad (potentially with drugs to mood stabilize)., No advice as my little ones are still pretty young. I do worry about facing such difficulties as my own son grows older. I just wanted to send a message of support to you and your family. Your dad sounds wonderful. I had seen before someone posted putting their child in a supportive housing environment out of their own home as their child was violent to the parents. Is that something you guys could look into or would be open too? I hope your parents get some respite care., Does he need assistance to get to those appointments? Is he financially reliant on your father and step mom? If so, pursuing guardianship may be an option. It’s obviously not a pleasant or preferred choice, but it sounds like your brother’s inability to care for himself is causing very real and substantial harm to himself and others in your family. It certainly doesn’t seem sustainable for anyone involved long-term. Being given the opportunity to have a say in his care may help. Additionally, guardianship is a spectrum. It’s not complete control vs no control. You get to determine what life skills he needs help with and what help is given. It can be a great tool to provide the person the support they need to be able to access as independent and meaningful a life as possible. Either way, I’m sorry you’re going through that and I hope it gets better., He's been going to therapy for years, my dad can't take any type of medication because of his job. It's similar to air traffic control so anything that can alter his mood could cost him his job, Thank you for commenting, I've also been on zoloft and it caused me to have severely worse depression. I think I'm going to edit my post and focus on asking for advice on different treatments that others have had their adult children try that's helped. The zoloft isn't the only time he's had aggressive behavior, he used to put his hands on me and my dog when I was a teenager, He needs to be driven to his appointments a handful of times before he feels comfortable enough taking himself there. He has a part time job, but he's heavily dependent on our parents. He complains that he doesn't have more money or that he doesn't want to be in the house so much but he gets upset if you ask if he'd like to try picking up more hours, Omg. Yeah, it sounds like he might do much better in a structured out of home support setting. Some states do offer this service-- it's similar to a group home for adults. Good luck. It sounds like there's a lot going on and I'm so sorry. The post initially came off that this is recent behavior., Hmm, it sounds like he is independent enough that your parents may not want to consider guardianship. I think there are definitely treatment options like mental health counseling and family counseling, but everyone involved would need to be bought in to changing the status quo, which usually isn’t the case. I think it’s important to say, even if it’s hard to hear, that you can’t protect your parents from your brother. Your parents are grown adults who make their own choices, and those choices contribute to a dynamic with your brother that appears to be unhealthy (probably) and unpleasant (certainly). You can offer solutions, ideas, etc. but it’s your parent’s responsibility to pursue change. I know first hand how absolutely painful to watch a parent be abused, to try to help, but ultimately be powerless to stop it. It’s heartbreaking, unfair, and honestly quite traumatizing. I hope you are looking after your own mental health through all of this and I hope things get better., Is your dad able to get support for his panic and anxiety? Counselling and medications? I don’t have any good advice, but I’m wondering if he is able to find some coping mechanisms. I think finding tools can help. Your dad and step mom are so young still, I hope they are able to take care of themselves., So (as someone whose been on ssri's), asking for advice on drugs... on the internet...is not a good idea. Most psychiatrists and psychologists do a trial and error method with mopd stabilizers. Its a lot like the approach to hormonal borth control. And unfortunately, the only person who knows which drug is the best for them is the user. And it varies dramatically from person to person. [Key example, I got very rageful from lexapro-- personality changed entirely. Switched to zoloft, at a medium dose, vomitted, profusely sweated and had heart palpitations. Some people never experience this adverse reaction.] My best advice and probably the one that most people will say on this app is to possibly point to the ssris that your brother is taking as a possible contributor to the aggression (tell his therapist) and reccomended family or individual therapy for your dad (potentially with drugs to mood stabilize)., No advice as my little ones are still pretty young. I do worry about facing such difficulties as my own son grows older. I just wanted to send a message of support to you and your family. Your dad sounds wonderful. I had seen before someone posted putting their child in a supportive housing environment out of their own home as their child was violent to the parents. Is that something you guys could look into or would be open too? I hope your parents get some respite care., Does he need assistance to get to those appointments? Is he financially reliant on your father and step mom? If so, pursuing guardianship may be an option. It’s obviously not a pleasant or preferred choice, but it sounds like your brother’s inability to care for himself is causing very real and substantial harm to himself and others in your family. It certainly doesn’t seem sustainable for anyone involved long-term. Being given the opportunity to have a say in his care may help. Additionally, guardianship is a spectrum. It’s not complete control vs no control. You get to determine what life skills he needs help with and what help is given. It can be a great tool to provide the person the support they need to be able to access as independent and meaningful a life as possible. Either way, I’m sorry you’re going through that and I hope it gets better., He's been going to therapy for years, my dad can't take any type of medication because of his job. It's similar to air traffic control so anything that can alter his mood could cost him his job, Thank you for commenting, I've also been on zoloft and it caused me to have severely worse depression. I think I'm going to edit my post and focus on asking for advice on different treatments that others have had their adult children try that's helped. The zoloft isn't the only time he's had aggressive behavior, he used to put his hands on me and my dog when I was a teenager, He needs to be driven to his appointments a handful of times before he feels comfortable enough taking himself there. He has a part time job, but he's heavily dependent on our parents. He complains that he doesn't have more money or that he doesn't want to be in the house so much but he gets upset if you ask if he'd like to try picking up more hours, Omg. Yeah, it sounds like he might do much better in a structured out of home support setting. Some states do offer this service-- it's similar to a group home for adults. Good luck. It sounds like there's a lot going on and I'm so sorry. The post initially came off that this is recent behavior., Hmm, it sounds like he is independent enough that your parents may not want to consider guardianship. I think there are definitely treatment options like mental health counseling and family counseling, but everyone involved would need to be bought in to changing the status quo, which usually isn’t the case. I think it’s important to say, even if it’s hard to hear, that you can’t protect your parents from your brother. Your parents are grown adults who make their own choices, and those choices contribute to a dynamic with your brother that appears to be unhealthy (probably) and unpleasant (certainly). You can offer solutions, ideas, etc. but it’s your parent’s responsibility to pursue change. I know first hand how absolutely painful to watch a parent be abused, to try to help, but ultimately be powerless to stop it. It’s heartbreaking, unfair, and honestly quite traumatizing. I hope you are looking after your own mental health through all of this and I hope things get better., Is your dad able to get support for his panic and anxiety? Counselling and medications? I don’t have any good advice, but I’m wondering if he is able to find some coping mechanisms. I think finding tools can help. Your dad and step mom are so young still, I hope they are able to take care of themselves., So (as someone whose been on ssri's), asking for advice on drugs... on the internet...is not a good idea. Most psychiatrists and psychologists do a trial and error method with mopd stabilizers. Its a lot like the approach to hormonal borth control. And unfortunately, the only person who knows which drug is the best for them is the user. And it varies dramatically from person to person. [Key example, I got very rageful from lexapro-- personality changed entirely. Switched to zoloft, at a medium dose, vomitted, profusely sweated and had heart palpitations. Some people never experience this adverse reaction.] My best advice and probably the one that most people will say on this app is to possibly point to the ssris that your brother is taking as a possible contributor to the aggression (tell his therapist) and reccomended family or individual therapy for your dad (potentially with drugs to mood stabilize)., No advice as my little ones are still pretty young. I do worry about facing such difficulties as my own son grows older. I just wanted to send a message of support to you and your family. Your dad sounds wonderful. I had seen before someone posted putting their child in a supportive housing environment out of their own home as their child was violent to the parents. Is that something you guys could look into or would be open too? I hope your parents get some respite care., Does he need assistance to get to those appointments? Is he financially reliant on your father and step mom? If so, pursuing guardianship may be an option. It’s obviously not a pleasant or preferred choice, but it sounds like your brother’s inability to care for himself is causing very real and substantial harm to himself and others in your family. It certainly doesn’t seem sustainable for anyone involved long-term. Being given the opportunity to have a say in his care may help. Additionally, guardianship is a spectrum. It’s not complete control vs no control. You get to determine what life skills he needs help with and what help is given. It can be a great tool to provide the person the support they need to be able to access as independent and meaningful a life as possible. Either way, I’m sorry you’re going through that and I hope it gets better., He's been going to therapy for years, my dad can't take any type of medication because of his job. It's similar to air traffic control so anything that can alter his mood could cost him his job, Thank you for commenting, I've also been on zoloft and it caused me to have severely worse depression. I think I'm going to edit my post and focus on asking for advice on different treatments that others have had their adult children try that's helped. The zoloft isn't the only time he's had aggressive behavior, he used to put his hands on me and my dog when I was a teenager, He needs to be driven to his appointments a handful of times before he feels comfortable enough taking himself there. He has a part time job, but he's heavily dependent on our parents. He complains that he doesn't have more money or that he doesn't want to be in the house so much but he gets upset if you ask if he'd like to try picking up more hours, Omg. Yeah, it sounds like he might do much better in a structured out of home support setting. Some states do offer this service-- it's similar to a group home for adults. Good luck. It sounds like there's a lot going on and I'm so sorry. The post initially came off that this is recent behavior., Hmm, it sounds like he is independent enough that your parents may not want to consider guardianship. I think there are definitely treatment options like mental health counseling and family counseling, but everyone involved would need to be bought in to changing the status quo, which usually isn’t the case. I think it’s important to say, even if it’s hard to hear, that you can’t protect your parents from your brother. Your parents are grown adults who make their own choices, and those choices contribute to a dynamic with your brother that appears to be unhealthy (probably) and unpleasant (certainly). You can offer solutions, ideas, etc. but it’s your parent’s responsibility to pursue change. I know first hand how absolutely painful to watch a parent be abused, to try to help, but ultimately be powerless to stop it. It’s heartbreaking, unfair, and honestly quite traumatizing. I hope you are looking after your own mental health through all of this and I hope things get better., Is your dad able to get support for his panic and anxiety? Counselling and medications? I don’t have any good advice, but I’m wondering if he is able to find some coping mechanisms. I think finding tools can help. Your dad and step mom are so young still, I hope they are able to take care of themselves., So (as someone whose been on ssri's), asking for advice on drugs... on the internet...is not a good idea. Most psychiatrists and psychologists do a trial and error method with mopd stabilizers. Its a lot like the approach to hormonal borth control. And unfortunately, the only person who knows which drug is the best for them is the user. And it varies dramatically from person to person. [Key example, I got very rageful from lexapro-- personality changed entirely. Switched to zoloft, at a medium dose, vomitted, profusely sweated and had heart palpitations. Some people never experience this adverse reaction.] My best advice and probably the one that most people will say on this app is to possibly point to the ssris that your brother is taking as a possible contributor to the aggression (tell his therapist) and reccomended family or individual therapy for your dad (potentially with drugs to mood stabilize)., No advice as my little ones are still pretty young. I do worry about facing such difficulties as my own son grows older. I just wanted to send a message of support to you and your family. Your dad sounds wonderful. I had seen before someone posted putting their child in a supportive housing environment out of their own home as their child was violent to the parents. Is that something you guys could look into or would be open too? I hope your parents get some respite care., Does he need assistance to get to those appointments? Is he financially reliant on your father and step mom? If so, pursuing guardianship may be an option. It’s obviously not a pleasant or preferred choice, but it sounds like your brother’s inability to care for himself is causing very real and substantial harm to himself and others in your family. It certainly doesn’t seem sustainable for anyone involved long-term. Being given the opportunity to have a say in his care may help. Additionally, guardianship is a spectrum. It’s not complete control vs no control. You get to determine what life skills he needs help with and what help is given. It can be a great tool to provide the person the support they need to be able to access as independent and meaningful a life as possible. Either way, I’m sorry you’re going through that and I hope it gets better., He's been going to therapy for years, my dad can't take any type of medication because of his job. It's similar to air traffic control so anything that can alter his mood could cost him his job, Thank you for commenting, I've also been on zoloft and it caused me to have severely worse depression. I think I'm going to edit my post and focus on asking for advice on different treatments that others have had their adult children try that's helped. The zoloft isn't the only time he's had aggressive behavior, he used to put his hands on me and my dog when I was a teenager, He needs to be driven to his appointments a handful of times before he feels comfortable enough taking himself there. He has a part time job, but he's heavily dependent on our parents. He complains that he doesn't have more money or that he doesn't want to be in the house so much but he gets upset if you ask if he'd like to try picking up more hours, Omg. Yeah, it sounds like he might do much better in a structured out of home support setting. Some states do offer this service-- it's similar to a group home for adults. Good luck. It sounds like there's a lot going on and I'm so sorry. The post initially came off that this is recent behavior., Hmm, it sounds like he is independent enough that your parents may not want to consider guardianship. I think there are definitely treatment options like mental health counseling and family counseling, but everyone involved would need to be bought in to changing the status quo, which usually isn’t the case. I think it’s important to say, even if it’s hard to hear, that you can’t protect your parents from your brother. Your parents are grown adults who make their own choices, and those choices contribute to a dynamic with your brother that appears to be unhealthy (probably) and unpleasant (certainly). You can offer solutions, ideas, etc. but it’s your parent’s responsibility to pursue change. I know first hand how absolutely painful to watch a parent be abused, to try to help, but ultimately be powerless to stop it. It’s heartbreaking, unfair, and honestly quite traumatizing. I hope you are looking after your own mental health through all of this and I hope things get better.
Negative social focus always talking badly about most kids.	My 8 year old was recently diagnosed with ASD OCD and ADHD. We lived a pretty isolated life rurally in her early years with mostly negative experiences playing with cousins, a traumatic kindergarten public school experience along with the ocd fixations led us to homeschool, living in a city with plenty of social and elective options to do so. I realize how fortunate we are that she is verbal and able to communicate her thoughts and feelings, but I’m not sure how to keep her from constantly talking smack about every kid she meets (NT or ND). She has one friend that she speaks highly of and it’s likely that they just haven’t had the opportunity for conflict or that she doesn’t feel competitive with him. Otherwise it is so hard to facilitate much needed socialization with such pessimism. I am all for letting her make her own choices to befriend and unfriend but I can’t help but feel triggered by the reminder of how my own family (including myself) has the habit of sabotaging good relationships by being stuck in a victim mindset. Is this just an IQ thing? Learned behavior? We definitely have done our fair share of venting and complaining in the early years, it could easily be our fault, just wandering if anyone else has this experience or any solutions. (OCD related) At this point we can’t even tell her about upcoming fun plans because it leads to her crying in her room about anything and everything that could go wrong. 😓 ETA the fixations aren’t even just current, she’s still angry about irritations that happened years ago using a mocking voice of her old friends etc. I just feel like there’s something deeply rooted that I can help with hopefully?	I find it hard to imagine that there is a more pessimistic or negative person than my son. I just can't fathom it in my brain. Every single day is the worst day ever. 99% of the day can go great, he can do everything he wants and the next day is "yesterday was so stupid, I hated it". 100% can go great and he still says it. It's so draining and tiring. I genuinely dislike being around him because of it. I try hard to remind myself that if I'm miserable with it, he's doubly miserable. And it's not me vs him, it's us vs autism/adhd/anxiety/ whatever this is. Our next course of action is trying anti-depressant and anti-anxiety. Therapy has been no help because he won't open up or say much beyond "well, I'll just die then". So, no advice on my end but you're not alone in this battle., Are you working with a psychiatrist on the OCD behavior? From what you’re describing a lot of your daughter’s challenges sounds like they come from anxiety/OCD. OCD and the underlying anxiety is debilitating and make it super hard to socialize - especially with kids who are unpredictable. My kid (7) has some of the issues you mention. He can seriously carry a grudge! He also likes to ‘police’ other kids’ behavior which is usually not a hit with said kids… Last year he developed OCD-like behavior, but it turned out to be stress induced and with help from a psychiatrist and stress reducement (changing schools) the symptoms went pretty much away. He’s still very rigid and controlling, but that’s a bit easier to work with. My best advice would be to work on the anxiety and OCD as they influence everything else - and don’t just go away by themselves. It’s so hard to watch your kid suffer from these things - so you have all my sympathy., I feel this so much!! Sometimes I think “do you need more real problems to validate your complaining?” And I don’t promote toxic positivity, there’s room for the full range of emotions here but I do tend to look for the silver lining of most situations because I very much know that “things could be worse” so it is so draining. Thanks for your response I hope you both get some relief 🥲, Thank you! We are in the intake process for CBT for the OCD. I appreciate your input, because I even was thinking myself that the OCD is the most debilitating and needs addressed whereas the autism doesn’t need to be “fixed” it’s more of what makes her the person she is. The psychologist described her preferences as : autism: pleasure seeking and ocd:fear driven. So I just have to distinguish the two. This really helps., Thank you. It's helped me a little bit to tell myself that really, at least some of his complaints are all things I might say, too, especially if I'm in one of those moods. I just know to say them in my mind and not out loud! Actually, something helpful that we started is a "rating scale". We started it for school because that's his biggest trigger. "School is horrible and I'd rather be dead!" OK, how can we help that, what are things we can change, etc. Nope, it's all horrible and it all sucks!! School has started giving him a slip of paper with each class on it- math, science, lunch, etc. He came up with a rating of 1-7 of how each one went. Then, that night we are able to say "oh, lunch was really low today" or "it seems like science made you really angry!" I don't think it's helping HIM so much but it's helping us to see that not every moment is miserable for him at school. Also, he's started filling out a paper that says "2 positives about today, 1 thing he's looking forward to". His teacher has actually started it for all students. There's been a few days of "nothing" but he's getting better. He's even made his dry erase board into the same thing about his day at home. I would say it's still 95% negative and horrible but at least it's a bit of a window into his world., The rating scale sounds like something she might enjoy I will have to try that! This definitely reminds me that we get further faster by empathizing instead of trying to reason (seeming invalidating) so that would help break up the conversation giving me time and context neutralize my boredom and irritation., I find it hard to imagine that there is a more pessimistic or negative person than my son. I just can't fathom it in my brain. Every single day is the worst day ever. 99% of the day can go great, he can do everything he wants and the next day is "yesterday was so stupid, I hated it". 100% can go great and he still says it. It's so draining and tiring. I genuinely dislike being around him because of it. I try hard to remind myself that if I'm miserable with it, he's doubly miserable. And it's not me vs him, it's us vs autism/adhd/anxiety/ whatever this is. Our next course of action is trying anti-depressant and anti-anxiety. Therapy has been no help because he won't open up or say much beyond "well, I'll just die then". So, no advice on my end but you're not alone in this battle., Are you working with a psychiatrist on the OCD behavior? From what you’re describing a lot of your daughter’s challenges sounds like they come from anxiety/OCD. OCD and the underlying anxiety is debilitating and make it super hard to socialize - especially with kids who are unpredictable. My kid (7) has some of the issues you mention. He can seriously carry a grudge! He also likes to ‘police’ other kids’ behavior which is usually not a hit with said kids… Last year he developed OCD-like behavior, but it turned out to be stress induced and with help from a psychiatrist and stress reducement (changing schools) the symptoms went pretty much away. He’s still very rigid and controlling, but that’s a bit easier to work with. My best advice would be to work on the anxiety and OCD as they influence everything else - and don’t just go away by themselves. It’s so hard to watch your kid suffer from these things - so you have all my sympathy., I feel this so much!! Sometimes I think “do you need more real problems to validate your complaining?” And I don’t promote toxic positivity, there’s room for the full range of emotions here but I do tend to look for the silver lining of most situations because I very much know that “things could be worse” so it is so draining. Thanks for your response I hope you both get some relief 🥲, Thank you! We are in the intake process for CBT for the OCD. I appreciate your input, because I even was thinking myself that the OCD is the most debilitating and needs addressed whereas the autism doesn’t need to be “fixed” it’s more of what makes her the person she is. The psychologist described her preferences as : autism: pleasure seeking and ocd:fear driven. So I just have to distinguish the two. This really helps., Thank you. It's helped me a little bit to tell myself that really, at least some of his complaints are all things I might say, too, especially if I'm in one of those moods. I just know to say them in my mind and not out loud! Actually, something helpful that we started is a "rating scale". We started it for school because that's his biggest trigger. "School is horrible and I'd rather be dead!" OK, how can we help that, what are things we can change, etc. Nope, it's all horrible and it all sucks!! School has started giving him a slip of paper with each class on it- math, science, lunch, etc. He came up with a rating of 1-7 of how each one went. Then, that night we are able to say "oh, lunch was really low today" or "it seems like science made you really angry!" I don't think it's helping HIM so much but it's helping us to see that not every moment is miserable for him at school. Also, he's started filling out a paper that says "2 positives about today, 1 thing he's looking forward to". His teacher has actually started it for all students. There's been a few days of "nothing" but he's getting better. He's even made his dry erase board into the same thing about his day at home. I would say it's still 95% negative and horrible but at least it's a bit of a window into his world., The rating scale sounds like something she might enjoy I will have to try that! This definitely reminds me that we get further faster by empathizing instead of trying to reason (seeming invalidating) so that would help break up the conversation giving me time and context neutralize my boredom and irritation., I find it hard to imagine that there is a more pessimistic or negative person than my son. I just can't fathom it in my brain. Every single day is the worst day ever. 99% of the day can go great, he can do everything he wants and the next day is "yesterday was so stupid, I hated it". 100% can go great and he still says it. It's so draining and tiring. I genuinely dislike being around him because of it. I try hard to remind myself that if I'm miserable with it, he's doubly miserable. And it's not me vs him, it's us vs autism/adhd/anxiety/ whatever this is. Our next course of action is trying anti-depressant and anti-anxiety. Therapy has been no help because he won't open up or say much beyond "well, I'll just die then". So, no advice on my end but you're not alone in this battle., Are you working with a psychiatrist on the OCD behavior? From what you’re describing a lot of your daughter’s challenges sounds like they come from anxiety/OCD. OCD and the underlying anxiety is debilitating and make it super hard to socialize - especially with kids who are unpredictable. My kid (7) has some of the issues you mention. He can seriously carry a grudge! He also likes to ‘police’ other kids’ behavior which is usually not a hit with said kids… Last year he developed OCD-like behavior, but it turned out to be stress induced and with help from a psychiatrist and stress reducement (changing schools) the symptoms went pretty much away. He’s still very rigid and controlling, but that’s a bit easier to work with. My best advice would be to work on the anxiety and OCD as they influence everything else - and don’t just go away by themselves. It’s so hard to watch your kid suffer from these things - so you have all my sympathy., I feel this so much!! Sometimes I think “do you need more real problems to validate your complaining?” And I don’t promote toxic positivity, there’s room for the full range of emotions here but I do tend to look for the silver lining of most situations because I very much know that “things could be worse” so it is so draining. Thanks for your response I hope you both get some relief 🥲, Thank you! We are in the intake process for CBT for the OCD. I appreciate your input, because I even was thinking myself that the OCD is the most debilitating and needs addressed whereas the autism doesn’t need to be “fixed” it’s more of what makes her the person she is. The psychologist described her preferences as : autism: pleasure seeking and ocd:fear driven. So I just have to distinguish the two. This really helps., Thank you. It's helped me a little bit to tell myself that really, at least some of his complaints are all things I might say, too, especially if I'm in one of those moods. I just know to say them in my mind and not out loud! Actually, something helpful that we started is a "rating scale". We started it for school because that's his biggest trigger. "School is horrible and I'd rather be dead!" OK, how can we help that, what are things we can change, etc. Nope, it's all horrible and it all sucks!! School has started giving him a slip of paper with each class on it- math, science, lunch, etc. He came up with a rating of 1-7 of how each one went. Then, that night we are able to say "oh, lunch was really low today" or "it seems like science made you really angry!" I don't think it's helping HIM so much but it's helping us to see that not every moment is miserable for him at school. Also, he's started filling out a paper that says "2 positives about today, 1 thing he's looking forward to". His teacher has actually started it for all students. There's been a few days of "nothing" but he's getting better. He's even made his dry erase board into the same thing about his day at home. I would say it's still 95% negative and horrible but at least it's a bit of a window into his world., The rating scale sounds like something she might enjoy I will have to try that! This definitely reminds me that we get further faster by empathizing instead of trying to reason (seeming invalidating) so that would help break up the conversation giving me time and context neutralize my boredom and irritation., I find it hard to imagine that there is a more pessimistic or negative person than my son. I just can't fathom it in my brain. Every single day is the worst day ever. 99% of the day can go great, he can do everything he wants and the next day is "yesterday was so stupid, I hated it". 100% can go great and he still says it. It's so draining and tiring. I genuinely dislike being around him because of it. I try hard to remind myself that if I'm miserable with it, he's doubly miserable. And it's not me vs him, it's us vs autism/adhd/anxiety/ whatever this is. Our next course of action is trying anti-depressant and anti-anxiety. Therapy has been no help because he won't open up or say much beyond "well, I'll just die then". So, no advice on my end but you're not alone in this battle., Are you working with a psychiatrist on the OCD behavior? From what you’re describing a lot of your daughter’s challenges sounds like they come from anxiety/OCD. OCD and the underlying anxiety is debilitating and make it super hard to socialize - especially with kids who are unpredictable. My kid (7) has some of the issues you mention. He can seriously carry a grudge! He also likes to ‘police’ other kids’ behavior which is usually not a hit with said kids… Last year he developed OCD-like behavior, but it turned out to be stress induced and with help from a psychiatrist and stress reducement (changing schools) the symptoms went pretty much away. He’s still very rigid and controlling, but that’s a bit easier to work with. My best advice would be to work on the anxiety and OCD as they influence everything else - and don’t just go away by themselves. It’s so hard to watch your kid suffer from these things - so you have all my sympathy., I feel this so much!! Sometimes I think “do you need more real problems to validate your complaining?” And I don’t promote toxic positivity, there’s room for the full range of emotions here but I do tend to look for the silver lining of most situations because I very much know that “things could be worse” so it is so draining. Thanks for your response I hope you both get some relief 🥲, Thank you! We are in the intake process for CBT for the OCD. I appreciate your input, because I even was thinking myself that the OCD is the most debilitating and needs addressed whereas the autism doesn’t need to be “fixed” it’s more of what makes her the person she is. The psychologist described her preferences as : autism: pleasure seeking and ocd:fear driven. So I just have to distinguish the two. This really helps., Thank you. It's helped me a little bit to tell myself that really, at least some of his complaints are all things I might say, too, especially if I'm in one of those moods. I just know to say them in my mind and not out loud! Actually, something helpful that we started is a "rating scale". We started it for school because that's his biggest trigger. "School is horrible and I'd rather be dead!" OK, how can we help that, what are things we can change, etc. Nope, it's all horrible and it all sucks!! School has started giving him a slip of paper with each class on it- math, science, lunch, etc. He came up with a rating of 1-7 of how each one went. Then, that night we are able to say "oh, lunch was really low today" or "it seems like science made you really angry!" I don't think it's helping HIM so much but it's helping us to see that not every moment is miserable for him at school. Also, he's started filling out a paper that says "2 positives about today, 1 thing he's looking forward to". His teacher has actually started it for all students. There's been a few days of "nothing" but he's getting better. He's even made his dry erase board into the same thing about his day at home. I would say it's still 95% negative and horrible but at least it's a bit of a window into his world., The rating scale sounds like something she might enjoy I will have to try that! This definitely reminds me that we get further faster by empathizing instead of trying to reason (seeming invalidating) so that would help break up the conversation giving me time and context neutralize my boredom and irritation.
Neighbor called cops about my autistic daughter	So my daughter is 2 & a half years old, she throws tantrums a lot of course but she can very loud & screams for no reason sometimes. I know how to deal with it bc my son who is 6 also has autism. Well a few days ago I had a cop show up to my door saying someone called of an infant crying all day & night nonstop, my daughter came outside with me & was jumping around all happy & I said “well this is the only baby in my house & she’s obviously fine she’s diagnosed with autism so her tantrums & screams can be very loud” he understood completely saying he knows how kids can be loud but he had to come make sure everything was fine. I show him my ID & we go about our way. This morning I was outside with my daughter in my back yard which is fenced. I had the back door closed but my daughter wanted to open it so she screams bc sometimes that’s how she communicates. Well I hear a girls voice go “waaahhh I cry all day & night waaahhh” so naturally I yell “whoever you are why don’t you come to my house & we can talk if you have a problem with my daughter she’s autistic” it’s quiet for a few seconds & she starts yelling “officer help help she’s threatening me officer” like in a mocking voice so I figured out which neighbor it was coming from & that particular neighbor I didn’t even know he had any females staying with him so I’m like where did she come from?? I’ve lived here 2 years & had the same neighbors & nobody has ever called the cops over here so I walk up to my fence & say why are you making fun of my autistic daughter? Does that make you feel good about yourself? She got quiet I think she thought I wasn’t gonna hear her. Honestly even if my daughter wasn’t autistic it’s still not right to be making fun of a child. Well anyways her mom or an older lady whoever she is, came out & asked what was going on & I explained to her that the girl was making fun of my daughter who’s autistic& she does scream loud but that’s how she communicates right now she’s only 2 & I told her how an officer came a few days ago saying there’s a screaming infant so now I’m thinking yall called the cops & they start denying they called & that girl even said I was making everything up which why would I make that up? I didn’t even know she was sitting outside bc I have a fence so obviously I wouldn’t just go over there & start yelling & the girl said “well maybe you should stop beating your kids & they wouldn’t cry so much so just stop” now that really got me bc I have never ever beat my kids I have to break up their fights sometimes but that’s it! I was so flabbergasted she even accused me of that bc I didn’t even know she lived there at all & why call the cops now when we’ve lived here for 2 years? So I told her she needs to mind her business & that my kids are gonna be loud bc they’re literally kids. I understand when neighbors are loud it can be annoying but my whole neighborhood is loud playing music having parties & no one calls the cops ever. I have everything recorded as well just in case they do call the cops but I really don’t wanna be dealing with shitty neighbors like that & who knows if they’ll call CPS or something just to get back at me or whatever. It seemed like the mom or the older lady didn’t know what she was doing so maybe I should talk to her? Or should I just leave it alone bc I don’t want them to say I’m harassing them which she was already saying I was threatening her which I wasn’t even in the video I never once threatened her. All I said is if she has a problem with my daughter she can come talk to me about it like adults. I just feel so bad bc kids with autism don’t deserve to be mocked like that /:	Calling the police initially might have been from genuine concern (I have lived in an apartment hearing a neighbors kid scream after clearly hearing them getting hit or spanked and wondered whether it rose to the legal definition of child abuse) but the mocking shows that they are just cruel., We had a neighbour who would call the police every time my tween would have a meltdown. The police were totally understanding but it was frustrating as hell. I asked the police to place a note on the file for our address stating that an autistic child lives here. The cops would still have to come when the asshole neighbour called but they knew right away that it was an autistic child. The asshole eventually moved. I would have lost it if the asshole made fun of my kid. I feel for you., Get and keep a copy of the police report. Document everything. Let the police know that your neighbor is harassing you. And then you will have a record of events to show CPS if they ever show up. CPS came here twice. Everything was fine. They offered me assistance. It was so reassuring., My son elopes. It’s really good to know your neighbors., Leave an anonymous tip saying they have a meth lab in their house, People are really ignorant. She probably doesn’t know what autistic means. She might even be thinking you’re saying “artistic.” Seriously, people can be dumber than you’d guess., I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. I understand calling the police initially if they didn't know your child was autistic and were concerned about your child's wellbeing - because they wouldn't know if there really was a problem, but the response was completely unnecessary. If they seemed like a reasonable person who was genuinely concerned about your child's safety, I would suggest talking to them about your kid and how you respond. It sounds like they are just annoyed by the noise (which is fair, but it's not like there is anything you can do about it) and being petty. Because that is the case, I'd document any interactions you had with them and then go about your daily business, avoiding her as possible. She seems to like to involve authorities, so the documentation will be useful if anything comes of it, but I don't see anything productive you could do now., Wow, that woman (or girl) at your neighbor's place really wants you to smack her in the mouth. What a shitty excuse for a human being., I know this sounds ridiculous but I would have to consider a door awareness wreath but make it cute?! Or a garden flag? A visual que to an officer in case another is called. I’m sorry, Neighbours called the cops on my mum who was having an episode. She had advanced dementia. They weren’t equipt to deal with a person with dementia. This was the last time she was at home and died around a year later in hospital. Moral of the story, call an ambulance and not the police., I am so glad our neighbours were great when my daughter was younger. She is terrified of needles but had to go to the hospital after her eye swelled shut from poison oak. She had a complete meltdown, slammed her bedroom door repeatedly and so hard that the bedroom window broke, then ran from the house screaming into the backyard. My neighbours came out and asked if I needed any help because she was 8 at the time and not so easy to keep hold of if she wanted to fight and they were concerned, like me, that she might have run into the road. We finally got her in the car and on the way to the hospital. Left the broken window to deal with later. Your neighbours need to try walking in your shoes for a day. I bet they wouldn’t make in an hour., I had a similar experience with two older teens mocking my son's meltdown coming out of a grocery store. You had a lot of self-control in the situation. Those people were out of line, and so were the kids., i’m so sorry that happened. this is a huge fear of mine., That’s awful, I’m really sorry. Not the same but I had a neighbor yesterday joke about one of my son’s stimming behaviors. I wish people weren’t so insensitive and ignorant., I live in a condo, our neighbours called security and the police on us MULTIPLE TIME! It was infuriating and embarrassing also my 4 year old at the time was terrified of the police because of this he thought they were going to take him away. So we spoke to our paediatrician and she got his diagnosis all typed out, then we contacted the police officer who first came to our door and logged a harassment complaint with the documentation of diagnosis. He spoke to the neighbours who complained. We also spoke with the condo board about the harassment and they too spoke to the complainers. It was a long stressful process. all this to say I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this ❤️ I distinctly remember the emotional distress I went through during all of this!, Kids scream that’s so dumb to call cops over something like that unless you SEE someone being beaten you don’t need to call the cops now if it’s a adult women screaming for her life or her partner screaming I can understand. But this just sounds like a rude individual that had never had kids. Don’t piss Them off just stay out of their way maybe get a sigh from Amazon that says “autistic child lives here” and it’ll say different things on it so first responders like ambulance know when they get there first any emergency as well. They also make a sticker for your car. Just incase any emergency’s or anything like that. Even if there was a child stuck in there with no parents etc they can’t just break in and save the child… they have to have a reason and warrant which takes forever cops don’t do “pre crime”. Calling the cops over a child screaming is really doing waaaay too much…. Where is this at? Lol makes me scared to move all my child does is scream so yeah they’d be coming a lot…. She screaming getting her hair washed…., “I don’t beat my kids but Im not afraid to beat your ass”, Im so sorry, some people just have nothing better to do. I lived in a basement apartment and my upstairs neighbour would call CPS on me a few times. Each time there was no cause for concern; and this was before my son was diagnosed with autism. Kids are just loud. I get if people are concerned about hearing kids screaming, especially living so close but what they said about you “not beating your kids” is absolutely disgusting and proves they are just trying to cause problems., There needs to be so much more public education. Parents of ND children are judged so harshly because people simply don’t understand what it takes to raise a ND child safely and compassionately. That neighbor is so ridiculously out of line and doesn’t have a clue. Keep doing what you’re doing, you’re amazing. Edit: why the downvotes? (Asking genuinely), You don’t say how old the girl next door is. Maybe you should call CPS because their child is harassing your disabled child and the parents are not doing anything about it and you are worried for your daughter’s safety. They need to parent better. Record any interactions you have with them. Call the police, too, and explain the situation so if things escalate it will be on record at least., I can be off kilter a bit so I probably would’ve been like “I don’t beat my kid but I have zero problem beating you and will go to jail to protect my kid”, Something about the way this was described is unsettling to me. The OP is fine and I get where you're coming from Mama. I'm thinking something ain't right in that house behind you and that child sounds like SHE was the one crying out for help. I don't know what it was that makes me feel that way but something feels 'off' from the way she was mocking and the fact that she (most likely even though we can't confirm) called the police and was accusing you of hitting your kid. I'm thinking I would just keep a firm boundary with them and don't engage. The fact that you were willing to confront them, they will most likely leave things alone because calling the police and making unfounded accusations is a passive aggressive move at a minimum or, maybe it was her projecting some kind of trauma and trying to signal she needs help. I can't say since I wasn't there but that's not the kind of interaction that would be expected from a kid. And of course there's always the 'some people suck' answer which I've come across many a time when one of my kids was having a meltdown in public and I'd get stares from onlookers., Wow I’m so sorry that this happened, it is upsetting just reading about, I can’t imagine actually experiencing that and in your own home :( And for your child to be mocked in your own yard. I am SO sorry, and wishing the best for you and your kids., Yeah, ever since that poor little toddler died from being abandoned in a playpen for 10 days, I feel like genuine concern is a legitimate reason to call for a wellness check if something seems wrong through the walls. This particular neighbor is obviously just an a-hole, though., Right i totally get that! I’ve had a neighbor who was actually hitting on her kids so I would call bc I was genuinely worried. But the mocking just showed right there she was just being ugly. It’s crazy bc I never seen or talked to this girl in my life., That sounds so annoying to deal with! I know they have to go check but it’s so frustrating especially when they know the child is autistic. I’m not sure if these neighbors knew or not bc when I told them they were kinda shocked like they didn’t know what to say. Yeah, it took so much in me not to climb over that fence but I don’t wanna eat jail food, You’re right! My other neighbors are so understanding about it. Those neighbors I only thought a man & his older son lived there I didn’t know he had wife or daughter so that’s what’s just crazy to me lol, This made me laugh, thank you, This is great I’ll keep this in mind 🥰, You are so right tho I had a therapist that I would talk to & she would be thinking I was saying “artistic” the whole time & she would be so confused & finally she asked what I meant & I had to explain to her what autism was like she genuinely didn’t know I was really concerned for her, Yeah the way she kept yelling “officer she’s threatening me office” told me she likes to call the cops so I chose my words & actions wisely. & it sounds like a common thing for her to mock kids or just be a bully in general bc her mom said “what did I tell you about making fun of little kids” which I got that on video recording., She really needs to be slapped bc it sounds like she’s just a bully who needs to be put in her place. She’s a waste of oxygen that girl., I don’t think it sounds ridiculous! Actually a good idea so people can know & maybe have an understanding more thank you!, I’m so sorry to hear that. You’re right an ambulance would probably be better for situations like that & people just don’t understand until it happens to them /: wishing you well hun x, Wow your neighbors are so great for that! My neighbors on the other side of me are great they knew about my kids being autistic & are so nice they never complained about them being loud or nothing. But yes people never know what other parents have to go thru. They don’t have babies or kids at their house that I know of if they were concerned they should’ve just came to me., Mine too! I’m still always so scared of someone making fun of my kids especially if I’m not around. Hopefully since I told them she’s autistic they’ll understand if they even know what it means, That is just so mean! I’ve had kids & even grown adults make fun of my kids bc they did something “weird” or made a “weird sound” they literally just think differently & have a certain way of doing things no need to make fun of what you can’t understand, Exactly even the cop said he knows kids can scream & be loud autistic or not. I’ll look into a sign tho so people can be aware & maybe have an understanding. My daughter screams when I wash her hair also & it’s not like painful screams either so it’s just crazy they said she screams all day & night which isn’t true either bc she’s asleep by 8. Im staying near New Orleans but looking to relocate hopefully soon. The school systems in Louisiana are also horrible about kids with autism the school here wouldn’t even give my son an evaluation when they were supposed to. Wouldn’t recommend Louisiana lol., I don’t know why it’s getting down voted either I agree completely!, I think the girl was like 18 or 19, 20 the most! Never even knew she stayed there. But I’m gonna keep track everything just in case they keep calling., I don’t see why this is getting downvoted bc i agree lol, You know what it is kinda weird now that you mention it, I have never seen that girl in my life I didn’t even know that guy had a wife or daughter! I thought it was just him & another guy I was guessing was his son. & when I mentioned the cop thing the lady said “well she don’t have a phone so idk how she would call the cops” & the girl was probably like 18 or 19 so what teenager doesn’t have a phone? On the video recording I got I heard her say “and I’ll call them again” so I truly think it was her but she’s not telling her parents she did it maybe? Idk it does seem weird to me too., Thank you! 💓 it is really upsetting & my heart hurts for my daughter bc she’s so innocent she didn’t even know what was going on. Hopefully these people will just leave us be for now until we move, Omg yeah I seen that about that poor baby girl I don’t see how parents can do such a thing. ☹️ that’s why I wasn’t worried about it at first bc maybe someone was genuinely concerned but when I heard her mocking my baby I knew it had to have been her & to say I beat my kids that’s not something to just say like that especially since I’m a mother who’s really trying & I don’t believe putting my hands on kids, Whaaaat the actual fuck!? I just read that case. That woman deserves the death penalty, and not a quick one., I had to find the story. I wish I didn't., One of our neighbors (older man) gave me horrible looks every single time he saw me out with our kids because he always heard the meltdowns and tantrums. My son (non speaking) started school in the fall and hie is bussed to/from school from our front door daily. The first couple of days I’d notice him peeking through the windows. My husband was out front one afternoon waiting for the bus and he came out to be a nosey asshole. My husband explained the autism and eloping and meltdowns and a light went off in his head and he realized I wasn’t a complete monster. He started coming out each morning (after he is safely on the bus) and waving goodbye to him. Once my son is off the bus in the afternoon, he comes out and asks him about his day and lets my son play with his dog. He’s now one of my sons favorite people., Who doesn't know what autism is in this day and age, especially someone who claims to be in the medical field? Glad you aren't talking to that particular therapist anymore., I don’t know why some asshole is downvoting you for this because I had a genuine therapist like licensed clinical social worker, who thought I was saying ‘artistic’ as well, It’s people like that, that don’t realize how dangerous it is to call the police for a false matter. Some officers aren’t trained or educated about Autism and this is my biggest fear! Everyone remembers what happened to Elijah McClain., Depending on how old this girl was, she might be getting a lot of bad intel/ideas from tiktok and other places, with none of the experience and wisdom to question it., Thank you. Been a tough six months but getting there. ❤️, I couldn’t agree more, It’s like that here too that’s the south they are cheap they just don’t have the resources. And they don’t want to have to pay for the child’s services and they feel as if the child is a big liability…. If you ever need to talk im here. ❤️, Oh it’s easy to get downvoted around here., That sounds like repeating what they heard their parents saying... I don't think it's the girl. She's just the one with the big mouth blowing their spot as they play stupid., It's HORRIFYING isn't it? The thing that stuck with me, though, was supposedly the neighbor handed over ring camera footage that picked up the screaming it was so loud at one point, and I was like "you didn't think to call the police then???" (Especially if there'd been no sign of anyone going in or out for days). I don't want to blame anyone else (since it's 100% the mother's fault/no one should have suspected anything like that) but it definitely makes me more likely to call someone if something sounds desperately wrong, I love this, people can change (even an old lad), Yeah I’m thinking she was a late teen early 20s & I was like maybe she gets this from tiktok & think it’s okay to do in real life? Idk. It just sucks bc I feel like I can’t even go into my backyard with my kids & she’ll be sitting out there & if they’re too loud she might call again. Hopefully since I made them aware of my daughters autism they’ll understand, Exactly, I can't believe nobody called. Like even if they didn't know she'd been abandoned, the only adult in the home could have been hurt or dead. That poor baby., That sucks. Just try to stay calm, live your life, and record any more harassment if you can. Maybe if you’ve never seen these women before… they won’t be around for much longer? Like family visiting for spring break or something? Here’s to hoping, anyways., It baffles me that none of the family realized she didn’t have the little girl with her & didn’t even ask if anyone was watching her while she was out on vacation? It’s so heartbreaking what that baby had to go thru, Calling the police initially might have been from genuine concern (I have lived in an apartment hearing a neighbors kid scream after clearly hearing them getting hit or spanked and wondered whether it rose to the legal definition of child abuse) but the mocking shows that they are just cruel., We had a neighbour who would call the police every time my tween would have a meltdown. The police were totally understanding but it was frustrating as hell. I asked the police to place a note on the file for our address stating that an autistic child lives here. The cops would still have to come when the asshole neighbour called but they knew right away that it was an autistic child. The asshole eventually moved. I would have lost it if the asshole made fun of my kid. I feel for you., Get and keep a copy of the police report. Document everything. Let the police know that your neighbor is harassing you. And then you will have a record of events to show CPS if they ever show up. CPS came here twice. Everything was fine. They offered me assistance. It was so reassuring., My son elopes. It’s really good to know your neighbors., Leave an anonymous tip saying they have a meth lab in their house, People are really ignorant. She probably doesn’t know what autistic means. She might even be thinking you’re saying “artistic.” Seriously, people can be dumber than you’d guess., I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. I understand calling the police initially if they didn't know your child was autistic and were concerned about your child's wellbeing - because they wouldn't know if there really was a problem, but the response was completely unnecessary. If they seemed like a reasonable person who was genuinely concerned about your child's safety, I would suggest talking to them about your kid and how you respond. It sounds like they are just annoyed by the noise (which is fair, but it's not like there is anything you can do about it) and being petty. Because that is the case, I'd document any interactions you had with them and then go about your daily business, avoiding her as possible. She seems to like to involve authorities, so the documentation will be useful if anything comes of it, but I don't see anything productive you could do now., Wow, that woman (or girl) at your neighbor's place really wants you to smack her in the mouth. What a shitty excuse for a human being., I know this sounds ridiculous but I would have to consider a door awareness wreath but make it cute?! Or a garden flag? A visual que to an officer in case another is called. I’m sorry, Neighbours called the cops on my mum who was having an episode. She had advanced dementia. They weren’t equipt to deal with a person with dementia. This was the last time she was at home and died around a year later in hospital. Moral of the story, call an ambulance and not the police., I am so glad our neighbours were great when my daughter was younger. She is terrified of needles but had to go to the hospital after her eye swelled shut from poison oak. She had a complete meltdown, slammed her bedroom door repeatedly and so hard that the bedroom window broke, then ran from the house screaming into the backyard. My neighbours came out and asked if I needed any help because she was 8 at the time and not so easy to keep hold of if she wanted to fight and they were concerned, like me, that she might have run into the road. We finally got her in the car and on the way to the hospital. Left the broken window to deal with later. Your neighbours need to try walking in your shoes for a day. I bet they wouldn’t make in an hour., I had a similar experience with two older teens mocking my son's meltdown coming out of a grocery store. You had a lot of self-control in the situation. Those people were out of line, and so were the kids., i’m so sorry that happened. this is a huge fear of mine., That’s awful, I’m really sorry. Not the same but I had a neighbor yesterday joke about one of my son’s stimming behaviors. I wish people weren’t so insensitive and ignorant., I live in a condo, our neighbours called security and the police on us MULTIPLE TIME! It was infuriating and embarrassing also my 4 year old at the time was terrified of the police because of this he thought they were going to take him away. So we spoke to our paediatrician and she got his diagnosis all typed out, then we contacted the police officer who first came to our door and logged a harassment complaint with the documentation of diagnosis. He spoke to the neighbours who complained. We also spoke with the condo board about the harassment and they too spoke to the complainers. It was a long stressful process. all this to say I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this ❤️ I distinctly remember the emotional distress I went through during all of this!, Kids scream that’s so dumb to call cops over something like that unless you SEE someone being beaten you don’t need to call the cops now if it’s a adult women screaming for her life or her partner screaming I can understand. But this just sounds like a rude individual that had never had kids. Don’t piss Them off just stay out of their way maybe get a sigh from Amazon that says “autistic child lives here” and it’ll say different things on it so first responders like ambulance know when they get there first any emergency as well. They also make a sticker for your car. Just incase any emergency’s or anything like that. Even if there was a child stuck in there with no parents etc they can’t just break in and save the child… they have to have a reason and warrant which takes forever cops don’t do “pre crime”. Calling the cops over a child screaming is really doing waaaay too much…. Where is this at? Lol makes me scared to move all my child does is scream so yeah they’d be coming a lot…. She screaming getting her hair washed…., “I don’t beat my kids but Im not afraid to beat your ass”, Im so sorry, some people just have nothing better to do. I lived in a basement apartment and my upstairs neighbour would call CPS on me a few times. Each time there was no cause for concern; and this was before my son was diagnosed with autism. Kids are just loud. I get if people are concerned about hearing kids screaming, especially living so close but what they said about you “not beating your kids” is absolutely disgusting and proves they are just trying to cause problems., There needs to be so much more public education. Parents of ND children are judged so harshly because people simply don’t understand what it takes to raise a ND child safely and compassionately. That neighbor is so ridiculously out of line and doesn’t have a clue. Keep doing what you’re doing, you’re amazing. Edit: why the downvotes? (Asking genuinely), You don’t say how old the girl next door is. Maybe you should call CPS because their child is harassing your disabled child and the parents are not doing anything about it and you are worried for your daughter’s safety. They need to parent better. Record any interactions you have with them. Call the police, too, and explain the situation so if things escalate it will be on record at least., I can be off kilter a bit so I probably would’ve been like “I don’t beat my kid but I have zero problem beating you and will go to jail to protect my kid”, Something about the way this was described is unsettling to me. The OP is fine and I get where you're coming from Mama. I'm thinking something ain't right in that house behind you and that child sounds like SHE was the one crying out for help. I don't know what it was that makes me feel that way but something feels 'off' from the way she was mocking and the fact that she (most likely even though we can't confirm) called the police and was accusing you of hitting your kid. I'm thinking I would just keep a firm boundary with them and don't engage. The fact that you were willing to confront them, they will most likely leave things alone because calling the police and making unfounded accusations is a passive aggressive move at a minimum or, maybe it was her projecting some kind of trauma and trying to signal she needs help. I can't say since I wasn't there but that's not the kind of interaction that would be expected from a kid. And of course there's always the 'some people suck' answer which I've come across many a time when one of my kids was having a meltdown in public and I'd get stares from onlookers., Wow I’m so sorry that this happened, it is upsetting just reading about, I can’t imagine actually experiencing that and in your own home :( And for your child to be mocked in your own yard. I am SO sorry, and wishing the best for you and your kids., Yeah, ever since that poor little toddler died from being abandoned in a playpen for 10 days, I feel like genuine concern is a legitimate reason to call for a wellness check if something seems wrong through the walls. This particular neighbor is obviously just an a-hole, though., Right i totally get that! I’ve had a neighbor who was actually hitting on her kids so I would call bc I was genuinely worried. But the mocking just showed right there she was just being ugly. It’s crazy bc I never seen or talked to this girl in my life., That sounds so annoying to deal with! I know they have to go check but it’s so frustrating especially when they know the child is autistic. I’m not sure if these neighbors knew or not bc when I told them they were kinda shocked like they didn’t know what to say. Yeah, it took so much in me not to climb over that fence but I don’t wanna eat jail food, You’re right! My other neighbors are so understanding about it. Those neighbors I only thought a man & his older son lived there I didn’t know he had wife or daughter so that’s what’s just crazy to me lol, This made me laugh, thank you, This is great I’ll keep this in mind 🥰, You are so right tho I had a therapist that I would talk to & she would be thinking I was saying “artistic” the whole time & she would be so confused & finally she asked what I meant & I had to explain to her what autism was like she genuinely didn’t know I was really concerned for her, Yeah the way she kept yelling “officer she’s threatening me office” told me she likes to call the cops so I chose my words & actions wisely. & it sounds like a common thing for her to mock kids or just be a bully in general bc her mom said “what did I tell you about making fun of little kids” which I got that on video recording., She really needs to be slapped bc it sounds like she’s just a bully who needs to be put in her place. She’s a waste of oxygen that girl., I don’t think it sounds ridiculous! Actually a good idea so people can know & maybe have an understanding more thank you!, I’m so sorry to hear that. You’re right an ambulance would probably be better for situations like that & people just don’t understand until it happens to them /: wishing you well hun x, Wow your neighbors are so great for that! My neighbors on the other side of me are great they knew about my kids being autistic & are so nice they never complained about them being loud or nothing. But yes people never know what other parents have to go thru. They don’t have babies or kids at their house that I know of if they were concerned they should’ve just came to me., Mine too! I’m still always so scared of someone making fun of my kids especially if I’m not around. Hopefully since I told them she’s autistic they’ll understand if they even know what it means, That is just so mean! I’ve had kids & even grown adults make fun of my kids bc they did something “weird” or made a “weird sound” they literally just think differently & have a certain way of doing things no need to make fun of what you can’t understand, Exactly even the cop said he knows kids can scream & be loud autistic or not. I’ll look into a sign tho so people can be aware & maybe have an understanding. My daughter screams when I wash her hair also & it’s not like painful screams either so it’s just crazy they said she screams all day & night which isn’t true either bc she’s asleep by 8. Im staying near New Orleans but looking to relocate hopefully soon. The school systems in Louisiana are also horrible about kids with autism the school here wouldn’t even give my son an evaluation when they were supposed to. Wouldn’t recommend Louisiana lol., I don’t know why it’s getting down voted either I agree completely!, I think the girl was like 18 or 19, 20 the most! Never even knew she stayed there. But I’m gonna keep track everything just in case they keep calling., I don’t see why this is getting downvoted bc i agree lol, You know what it is kinda weird now that you mention it, I have never seen that girl in my life I didn’t even know that guy had a wife or daughter! I thought it was just him & another guy I was guessing was his son. & when I mentioned the cop thing the lady said “well she don’t have a phone so idk how she would call the cops” & the girl was probably like 18 or 19 so what teenager doesn’t have a phone? On the video recording I got I heard her say “and I’ll call them again” so I truly think it was her but she’s not telling her parents she did it maybe? Idk it does seem weird to me too., Thank you! 💓 it is really upsetting & my heart hurts for my daughter bc she’s so innocent she didn’t even know what was going on. Hopefully these people will just leave us be for now until we move, Omg yeah I seen that about that poor baby girl I don’t see how parents can do such a thing. ☹️ that’s why I wasn’t worried about it at first bc maybe someone was genuinely concerned but when I heard her mocking my baby I knew it had to have been her & to say I beat my kids that’s not something to just say like that especially since I’m a mother who’s really trying & I don’t believe putting my hands on kids, Whaaaat the actual fuck!? I just read that case. That woman deserves the death penalty, and not a quick one., I had to find the story. I wish I didn't., One of our neighbors (older man) gave me horrible looks every single time he saw me out with our kids because he always heard the meltdowns and tantrums. My son (non speaking) started school in the fall and hie is bussed to/from school from our front door daily. The first couple of days I’d notice him peeking through the windows. My husband was out front one afternoon waiting for the bus and he came out to be a nosey asshole. My husband explained the autism and eloping and meltdowns and a light went off in his head and he realized I wasn’t a complete monster. He started coming out each morning (after he is safely on the bus) and waving goodbye to him. Once my son is off the bus in the afternoon, he comes out and asks him about his day and lets my son play with his dog. He’s now one of my sons favorite people., Who doesn't know what autism is in this day and age, especially someone who claims to be in the medical field? Glad you aren't talking to that particular therapist anymore., I don’t know why some asshole is downvoting you for this because I had a genuine therapist like licensed clinical social worker, who thought I was saying ‘artistic’ as well, It’s people like that, that don’t realize how dangerous it is to call the police for a false matter. Some officers aren’t trained or educated about Autism and this is my biggest fear! Everyone remembers what happened to Elijah McClain., Depending on how old this girl was, she might be getting a lot of bad intel/ideas from tiktok and other places, with none of the experience and wisdom to question it., Thank you. Been a tough six months but getting there. ❤️, I couldn’t agree more, It’s like that here too that’s the south they are cheap they just don’t have the resources. And they don’t want to have to pay for the child’s services and they feel as if the child is a big liability…. If you ever need to talk im here. ❤️, Oh it’s easy to get downvoted around here., That sounds like repeating what they heard their parents saying... I don't think it's the girl. She's just the one with the big mouth blowing their spot as they play stupid., It's HORRIFYING isn't it? The thing that stuck with me, though, was supposedly the neighbor handed over ring camera footage that picked up the screaming it was so loud at one point, and I was like "you didn't think to call the police then???" (Especially if there'd been no sign of anyone going in or out for days). I don't want to blame anyone else (since it's 100% the mother's fault/no one should have suspected anything like that) but it definitely makes me more likely to call someone if something sounds desperately wrong, I love this, people can change (even an old lad), Yeah I’m thinking she was a late teen early 20s & I was like maybe she gets this from tiktok & think it’s okay to do in real life? Idk. It just sucks bc I feel like I can’t even go into my backyard with my kids & she’ll be sitting out there & if they’re too loud she might call again. Hopefully since I made them aware of my daughters autism they’ll understand, Exactly, I can't believe nobody called. Like even if they didn't know she'd been abandoned, the only adult in the home could have been hurt or dead. That poor baby., That sucks. Just try to stay calm, live your life, and record any more harassment if you can. Maybe if you’ve never seen these women before… they won’t be around for much longer? Like family visiting for spring break or something? Here’s to hoping, anyways., It baffles me that none of the family realized she didn’t have the little girl with her & didn’t even ask if anyone was watching her while she was out on vacation? It’s so heartbreaking what that baby had to go thru, Calling the police initially might have been from genuine concern (I have lived in an apartment hearing a neighbors kid scream after clearly hearing them getting hit or spanked and wondered whether it rose to the legal definition of child abuse) but the mocking shows that they are just cruel., We had a neighbour who would call the police every time my tween would have a meltdown. The police were totally understanding but it was frustrating as hell. I asked the police to place a note on the file for our address stating that an autistic child lives here. The cops would still have to come when the asshole neighbour called but they knew right away that it was an autistic child. The asshole eventually moved. I would have lost it if the asshole made fun of my kid. I feel for you., Get and keep a copy of the police report. Document everything. Let the police know that your neighbor is harassing you. And then you will have a record of events to show CPS if they ever show up. CPS came here twice. Everything was fine. They offered me assistance. It was so reassuring., My son elopes. It’s really good to know your neighbors., Leave an anonymous tip saying they have a meth lab in their house, People are really ignorant. She probably doesn’t know what autistic means. She might even be thinking you’re saying “artistic.” Seriously, people can be dumber than you’d guess., I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. I understand calling the police initially if they didn't know your child was autistic and were concerned about your child's wellbeing - because they wouldn't know if there really was a problem, but the response was completely unnecessary. If they seemed like a reasonable person who was genuinely concerned about your child's safety, I would suggest talking to them about your kid and how you respond. It sounds like they are just annoyed by the noise (which is fair, but it's not like there is anything you can do about it) and being petty. Because that is the case, I'd document any interactions you had with them and then go about your daily business, avoiding her as possible. She seems to like to involve authorities, so the documentation will be useful if anything comes of it, but I don't see anything productive you could do now., Wow, that woman (or girl) at your neighbor's place really wants you to smack her in the mouth. What a shitty excuse for a human being., I know this sounds ridiculous but I would have to consider a door awareness wreath but make it cute?! Or a garden flag? A visual que to an officer in case another is called. I’m sorry, Neighbours called the cops on my mum who was having an episode. She had advanced dementia. They weren’t equipt to deal with a person with dementia. This was the last time she was at home and died around a year later in hospital. Moral of the story, call an ambulance and not the police., I am so glad our neighbours were great when my daughter was younger. She is terrified of needles but had to go to the hospital after her eye swelled shut from poison oak. She had a complete meltdown, slammed her bedroom door repeatedly and so hard that the bedroom window broke, then ran from the house screaming into the backyard. My neighbours came out and asked if I needed any help because she was 8 at the time and not so easy to keep hold of if she wanted to fight and they were concerned, like me, that she might have run into the road. We finally got her in the car and on the way to the hospital. Left the broken window to deal with later. Your neighbours need to try walking in your shoes for a day. I bet they wouldn’t make in an hour., I had a similar experience with two older teens mocking my son's meltdown coming out of a grocery store. You had a lot of self-control in the situation. Those people were out of line, and so were the kids., i’m so sorry that happened. this is a huge fear of mine., That’s awful, I’m really sorry. Not the same but I had a neighbor yesterday joke about one of my son’s stimming behaviors. I wish people weren’t so insensitive and ignorant., I live in a condo, our neighbours called security and the police on us MULTIPLE TIME! It was infuriating and embarrassing also my 4 year old at the time was terrified of the police because of this he thought they were going to take him away. So we spoke to our paediatrician and she got his diagnosis all typed out, then we contacted the police officer who first came to our door and logged a harassment complaint with the documentation of diagnosis. He spoke to the neighbours who complained. We also spoke with the condo board about the harassment and they too spoke to the complainers. It was a long stressful process. all this to say I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this ❤️ I distinctly remember the emotional distress I went through during all of this!, Kids scream that’s so dumb to call cops over something like that unless you SEE someone being beaten you don’t need to call the cops now if it’s a adult women screaming for her life or her partner screaming I can understand. But this just sounds like a rude individual that had never had kids. Don’t piss Them off just stay out of their way maybe get a sigh from Amazon that says “autistic child lives here” and it’ll say different things on it so first responders like ambulance know when they get there first any emergency as well. They also make a sticker for your car. Just incase any emergency’s or anything like that. Even if there was a child stuck in there with no parents etc they can’t just break in and save the child… they have to have a reason and warrant which takes forever cops don’t do “pre crime”. Calling the cops over a child screaming is really doing waaaay too much…. Where is this at? Lol makes me scared to move all my child does is scream so yeah they’d be coming a lot…. She screaming getting her hair washed…., “I don’t beat my kids but Im not afraid to beat your ass”, Im so sorry, some people just have nothing better to do. I lived in a basement apartment and my upstairs neighbour would call CPS on me a few times. Each time there was no cause for concern; and this was before my son was diagnosed with autism. Kids are just loud. I get if people are concerned about hearing kids screaming, especially living so close but what they said about you “not beating your kids” is absolutely disgusting and proves they are just trying to cause problems., There needs to be so much more public education. Parents of ND children are judged so harshly because people simply don’t understand what it takes to raise a ND child safely and compassionately. That neighbor is so ridiculously out of line and doesn’t have a clue. Keep doing what you’re doing, you’re amazing. Edit: why the downvotes? (Asking genuinely), You don’t say how old the girl next door is. Maybe you should call CPS because their child is harassing your disabled child and the parents are not doing anything about it and you are worried for your daughter’s safety. They need to parent better. Record any interactions you have with them. Call the police, too, and explain the situation so if things escalate it will be on record at least., I can be off kilter a bit so I probably would’ve been like “I don’t beat my kid but I have zero problem beating you and will go to jail to protect my kid”, Something about the way this was described is unsettling to me. The OP is fine and I get where you're coming from Mama. I'm thinking something ain't right in that house behind you and that child sounds like SHE was the one crying out for help. I don't know what it was that makes me feel that way but something feels 'off' from the way she was mocking and the fact that she (most likely even though we can't confirm) called the police and was accusing you of hitting your kid. I'm thinking I would just keep a firm boundary with them and don't engage. The fact that you were willing to confront them, they will most likely leave things alone because calling the police and making unfounded accusations is a passive aggressive move at a minimum or, maybe it was her projecting some kind of trauma and trying to signal she needs help. I can't say since I wasn't there but that's not the kind of interaction that would be expected from a kid. And of course there's always the 'some people suck' answer which I've come across many a time when one of my kids was having a meltdown in public and I'd get stares from onlookers., Wow I’m so sorry that this happened, it is upsetting just reading about, I can’t imagine actually experiencing that and in your own home :( And for your child to be mocked in your own yard. I am SO sorry, and wishing the best for you and your kids., Yeah, ever since that poor little toddler died from being abandoned in a playpen for 10 days, I feel like genuine concern is a legitimate reason to call for a wellness check if something seems wrong through the walls. This particular neighbor is obviously just an a-hole, though., Right i totally get that! I’ve had a neighbor who was actually hitting on her kids so I would call bc I was genuinely worried. But the mocking just showed right there she was just being ugly. It’s crazy bc I never seen or talked to this girl in my life., That sounds so annoying to deal with! I know they have to go check but it’s so frustrating especially when they know the child is autistic. I’m not sure if these neighbors knew or not bc when I told them they were kinda shocked like they didn’t know what to say. Yeah, it took so much in me not to climb over that fence but I don’t wanna eat jail food, You’re right! My other neighbors are so understanding about it. Those neighbors I only thought a man & his older son lived there I didn’t know he had wife or daughter so that’s what’s just crazy to me lol, This made me laugh, thank you, This is great I’ll keep this in mind 🥰, You are so right tho I had a therapist that I would talk to & she would be thinking I was saying “artistic” the whole time & she would be so confused & finally she asked what I meant & I had to explain to her what autism was like she genuinely didn’t know I was really concerned for her, Yeah the way she kept yelling “officer she’s threatening me office” told me she likes to call the cops so I chose my words & actions wisely. & it sounds like a common thing for her to mock kids or just be a bully in general bc her mom said “what did I tell you about making fun of little kids” which I got that on video recording., She really needs to be slapped bc it sounds like she’s just a bully who needs to be put in her place. She’s a waste of oxygen that girl., I don’t think it sounds ridiculous! Actually a good idea so people can know & maybe have an understanding more thank you!, I’m so sorry to hear that. You’re right an ambulance would probably be better for situations like that & people just don’t understand until it happens to them /: wishing you well hun x, Wow your neighbors are so great for that! My neighbors on the other side of me are great they knew about my kids being autistic & are so nice they never complained about them being loud or nothing. But yes people never know what other parents have to go thru. They don’t have babies or kids at their house that I know of if they were concerned they should’ve just came to me., Mine too! I’m still always so scared of someone making fun of my kids especially if I’m not around. Hopefully since I told them she’s autistic they’ll understand if they even know what it means, That is just so mean! I’ve had kids & even grown adults make fun of my kids bc they did something “weird” or made a “weird sound” they literally just think differently & have a certain way of doing things no need to make fun of what you can’t understand, Exactly even the cop said he knows kids can scream & be loud autistic or not. I’ll look into a sign tho so people can be aware & maybe have an understanding. My daughter screams when I wash her hair also & it’s not like painful screams either so it’s just crazy they said she screams all day & night which isn’t true either bc she’s asleep by 8. Im staying near New Orleans but looking to relocate hopefully soon. The school systems in Louisiana are also horrible about kids with autism the school here wouldn’t even give my son an evaluation when they were supposed to. Wouldn’t recommend Louisiana lol., I don’t know why it’s getting down voted either I agree completely!, I think the girl was like 18 or 19, 20 the most! Never even knew she stayed there. But I’m gonna keep track everything just in case they keep calling., I don’t see why this is getting downvoted bc i agree lol, You know what it is kinda weird now that you mention it, I have never seen that girl in my life I didn’t even know that guy had a wife or daughter! I thought it was just him & another guy I was guessing was his son. & when I mentioned the cop thing the lady said “well she don’t have a phone so idk how she would call the cops” & the girl was probably like 18 or 19 so what teenager doesn’t have a phone? On the video recording I got I heard her say “and I’ll call them again” so I truly think it was her but she’s not telling her parents she did it maybe? Idk it does seem weird to me too., Thank you! 💓 it is really upsetting & my heart hurts for my daughter bc she’s so innocent she didn’t even know what was going on. Hopefully these people will just leave us be for now until we move, Omg yeah I seen that about that poor baby girl I don’t see how parents can do such a thing. ☹️ that’s why I wasn’t worried about it at first bc maybe someone was genuinely concerned but when I heard her mocking my baby I knew it had to have been her & to say I beat my kids that’s not something to just say like that especially since I’m a mother who’s really trying & I don’t believe putting my hands on kids, Whaaaat the actual fuck!? I just read that case. That woman deserves the death penalty, and not a quick one., I had to find the story. I wish I didn't., One of our neighbors (older man) gave me horrible looks every single time he saw me out with our kids because he always heard the meltdowns and tantrums. My son (non speaking) started school in the fall and hie is bussed to/from school from our front door daily. The first couple of days I’d notice him peeking through the windows. My husband was out front one afternoon waiting for the bus and he came out to be a nosey asshole. My husband explained the autism and eloping and meltdowns and a light went off in his head and he realized I wasn’t a complete monster. He started coming out each morning (after he is safely on the bus) and waving goodbye to him. Once my son is off the bus in the afternoon, he comes out and asks him about his day and lets my son play with his dog. He’s now one of my sons favorite people., Who doesn't know what autism is in this day and age, especially someone who claims to be in the medical field? Glad you aren't talking to that particular therapist anymore., I don’t know why some asshole is downvoting you for this because I had a genuine therapist like licensed clinical social worker, who thought I was saying ‘artistic’ as well, It’s people like that, that don’t realize how dangerous it is to call the police for a false matter. Some officers aren’t trained or educated about Autism and this is my biggest fear! Everyone remembers what happened to Elijah McClain., Depending on how old this girl was, she might be getting a lot of bad intel/ideas from tiktok and other places, with none of the experience and wisdom to question it., Thank you. Been a tough six months but getting there. ❤️, I couldn’t agree more, It’s like that here too that’s the south they are cheap they just don’t have the resources. And they don’t want to have to pay for the child’s services and they feel as if the child is a big liability…. If you ever need to talk im here. ❤️, Oh it’s easy to get downvoted around here., That sounds like repeating what they heard their parents saying... I don't think it's the girl. She's just the one with the big mouth blowing their spot as they play stupid., It's HORRIFYING isn't it? The thing that stuck with me, though, was supposedly the neighbor handed over ring camera footage that picked up the screaming it was so loud at one point, and I was like "you didn't think to call the police then???" (Especially if there'd been no sign of anyone going in or out for days). I don't want to blame anyone else (since it's 100% the mother's fault/no one should have suspected anything like that) but it definitely makes me more likely to call someone if something sounds desperately wrong, I love this, people can change (even an old lad), Yeah I’m thinking she was a late teen early 20s & I was like maybe she gets this from tiktok & think it’s okay to do in real life? Idk. It just sucks bc I feel like I can’t even go into my backyard with my kids & she’ll be sitting out there & if they’re too loud she might call again. Hopefully since I made them aware of my daughters autism they’ll understand, Exactly, I can't believe nobody called. Like even if they didn't know she'd been abandoned, the only adult in the home could have been hurt or dead. That poor baby., That sucks. Just try to stay calm, live your life, and record any more harassment if you can. Maybe if you’ve never seen these women before… they won’t be around for much longer? Like family visiting for spring break or something? Here’s to hoping, anyways., It baffles me that none of the family realized she didn’t have the little girl with her & didn’t even ask if anyone was watching her while she was out on vacation? It’s so heartbreaking what that baby had to go thru, Calling the police initially might have been from genuine concern (I have lived in an apartment hearing a neighbors kid scream after clearly hearing them getting hit or spanked and wondered whether it rose to the legal definition of child abuse) but the mocking shows that they are just cruel., We had a neighbour who would call the police every time my tween would have a meltdown. The police were totally understanding but it was frustrating as hell. I asked the police to place a note on the file for our address stating that an autistic child lives here. The cops would still have to come when the asshole neighbour called but they knew right away that it was an autistic child. The asshole eventually moved. I would have lost it if the asshole made fun of my kid. I feel for you., Get and keep a copy of the police report. Document everything. Let the police know that your neighbor is harassing you. And then you will have a record of events to show CPS if they ever show up. CPS came here twice. Everything was fine. They offered me assistance. It was so reassuring., My son elopes. It’s really good to know your neighbors., Leave an anonymous tip saying they have a meth lab in their house, People are really ignorant. She probably doesn’t know what autistic means. She might even be thinking you’re saying “artistic.” Seriously, people can be dumber than you’d guess., I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. I understand calling the police initially if they didn't know your child was autistic and were concerned about your child's wellbeing - because they wouldn't know if there really was a problem, but the response was completely unnecessary. If they seemed like a reasonable person who was genuinely concerned about your child's safety, I would suggest talking to them about your kid and how you respond. It sounds like they are just annoyed by the noise (which is fair, but it's not like there is anything you can do about it) and being petty. Because that is the case, I'd document any interactions you had with them and then go about your daily business, avoiding her as possible. She seems to like to involve authorities, so the documentation will be useful if anything comes of it, but I don't see anything productive you could do now., Wow, that woman (or girl) at your neighbor's place really wants you to smack her in the mouth. What a shitty excuse for a human being., I know this sounds ridiculous but I would have to consider a door awareness wreath but make it cute?! Or a garden flag? A visual que to an officer in case another is called. I’m sorry, Neighbours called the cops on my mum who was having an episode. She had advanced dementia. They weren’t equipt to deal with a person with dementia. This was the last time she was at home and died around a year later in hospital. Moral of the story, call an ambulance and not the police., I am so glad our neighbours were great when my daughter was younger. She is terrified of needles but had to go to the hospital after her eye swelled shut from poison oak. She had a complete meltdown, slammed her bedroom door repeatedly and so hard that the bedroom window broke, then ran from the house screaming into the backyard. My neighbours came out and asked if I needed any help because she was 8 at the time and not so easy to keep hold of if she wanted to fight and they were concerned, like me, that she might have run into the road. We finally got her in the car and on the way to the hospital. Left the broken window to deal with later. Your neighbours need to try walking in your shoes for a day. I bet they wouldn’t make in an hour., I had a similar experience with two older teens mocking my son's meltdown coming out of a grocery store. You had a lot of self-control in the situation. Those people were out of line, and so were the kids., i’m so sorry that happened. this is a huge fear of mine., That’s awful, I’m really sorry. Not the same but I had a neighbor yesterday joke about one of my son’s stimming behaviors. I wish people weren’t so insensitive and ignorant., I live in a condo, our neighbours called security and the police on us MULTIPLE TIME! It was infuriating and embarrassing also my 4 year old at the time was terrified of the police because of this he thought they were going to take him away. So we spoke to our paediatrician and she got his diagnosis all typed out, then we contacted the police officer who first came to our door and logged a harassment complaint with the documentation of diagnosis. He spoke to the neighbours who complained. We also spoke with the condo board about the harassment and they too spoke to the complainers. It was a long stressful process. all this to say I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this ❤️ I distinctly remember the emotional distress I went through during all of this!, Kids scream that’s so dumb to call cops over something like that unless you SEE someone being beaten you don’t need to call the cops now if it’s a adult women screaming for her life or her partner screaming I can understand. But this just sounds like a rude individual that had never had kids. Don’t piss Them off just stay out of their way maybe get a sigh from Amazon that says “autistic child lives here” and it’ll say different things on it so first responders like ambulance know when they get there first any emergency as well. They also make a sticker for your car. Just incase any emergency’s or anything like that. Even if there was a child stuck in there with no parents etc they can’t just break in and save the child… they have to have a reason and warrant which takes forever cops don’t do “pre crime”. Calling the cops over a child screaming is really doing waaaay too much…. Where is this at? Lol makes me scared to move all my child does is scream so yeah they’d be coming a lot…. She screaming getting her hair washed…., “I don’t beat my kids but Im not afraid to beat your ass”, Im so sorry, some people just have nothing better to do. I lived in a basement apartment and my upstairs neighbour would call CPS on me a few times. Each time there was no cause for concern; and this was before my son was diagnosed with autism. Kids are just loud. I get if people are concerned about hearing kids screaming, especially living so close but what they said about you “not beating your kids” is absolutely disgusting and proves they are just trying to cause problems., There needs to be so much more public education. Parents of ND children are judged so harshly because people simply don’t understand what it takes to raise a ND child safely and compassionately. That neighbor is so ridiculously out of line and doesn’t have a clue. Keep doing what you’re doing, you’re amazing. Edit: why the downvotes? (Asking genuinely), You don’t say how old the girl next door is. Maybe you should call CPS because their child is harassing your disabled child and the parents are not doing anything about it and you are worried for your daughter’s safety. They need to parent better. Record any interactions you have with them. Call the police, too, and explain the situation so if things escalate it will be on record at least., I can be off kilter a bit so I probably would’ve been like “I don’t beat my kid but I have zero problem beating you and will go to jail to protect my kid”, Something about the way this was described is unsettling to me. The OP is fine and I get where you're coming from Mama. I'm thinking something ain't right in that house behind you and that child sounds like SHE was the one crying out for help. I don't know what it was that makes me feel that way but something feels 'off' from the way she was mocking and the fact that she (most likely even though we can't confirm) called the police and was accusing you of hitting your kid. I'm thinking I would just keep a firm boundary with them and don't engage. The fact that you were willing to confront them, they will most likely leave things alone because calling the police and making unfounded accusations is a passive aggressive move at a minimum or, maybe it was her projecting some kind of trauma and trying to signal she needs help. I can't say since I wasn't there but that's not the kind of interaction that would be expected from a kid. And of course there's always the 'some people suck' answer which I've come across many a time when one of my kids was having a meltdown in public and I'd get stares from onlookers., Wow I’m so sorry that this happened, it is upsetting just reading about, I can’t imagine actually experiencing that and in your own home :( And for your child to be mocked in your own yard. I am SO sorry, and wishing the best for you and your kids., Yeah, ever since that poor little toddler died from being abandoned in a playpen for 10 days, I feel like genuine concern is a legitimate reason to call for a wellness check if something seems wrong through the walls. This particular neighbor is obviously just an a-hole, though., Right i totally get that! I’ve had a neighbor who was actually hitting on her kids so I would call bc I was genuinely worried. But the mocking just showed right there she was just being ugly. It’s crazy bc I never seen or talked to this girl in my life., That sounds so annoying to deal with! I know they have to go check but it’s so frustrating especially when they know the child is autistic. I’m not sure if these neighbors knew or not bc when I told them they were kinda shocked like they didn’t know what to say. Yeah, it took so much in me not to climb over that fence but I don’t wanna eat jail food, You’re right! My other neighbors are so understanding about it. Those neighbors I only thought a man & his older son lived there I didn’t know he had wife or daughter so that’s what’s just crazy to me lol, This made me laugh, thank you, This is great I’ll keep this in mind 🥰, You are so right tho I had a therapist that I would talk to & she would be thinking I was saying “artistic” the whole time & she would be so confused & finally she asked what I meant & I had to explain to her what autism was like she genuinely didn’t know I was really concerned for her, Yeah the way she kept yelling “officer she’s threatening me office” told me she likes to call the cops so I chose my words & actions wisely. & it sounds like a common thing for her to mock kids or just be a bully in general bc her mom said “what did I tell you about making fun of little kids” which I got that on video recording., She really needs to be slapped bc it sounds like she’s just a bully who needs to be put in her place. She’s a waste of oxygen that girl., I don’t think it sounds ridiculous! Actually a good idea so people can know & maybe have an understanding more thank you!, I’m so sorry to hear that. You’re right an ambulance would probably be better for situations like that & people just don’t understand until it happens to them /: wishing you well hun x, Wow your neighbors are so great for that! My neighbors on the other side of me are great they knew about my kids being autistic & are so nice they never complained about them being loud or nothing. But yes people never know what other parents have to go thru. They don’t have babies or kids at their house that I know of if they were concerned they should’ve just came to me., Mine too! I’m still always so scared of someone making fun of my kids especially if I’m not around. Hopefully since I told them she’s autistic they’ll understand if they even know what it means, That is just so mean! I’ve had kids & even grown adults make fun of my kids bc they did something “weird” or made a “weird sound” they literally just think differently & have a certain way of doing things no need to make fun of what you can’t understand, Exactly even the cop said he knows kids can scream & be loud autistic or not. I’ll look into a sign tho so people can be aware & maybe have an understanding. My daughter screams when I wash her hair also & it’s not like painful screams either so it’s just crazy they said she screams all day & night which isn’t true either bc she’s asleep by 8. Im staying near New Orleans but looking to relocate hopefully soon. The school systems in Louisiana are also horrible about kids with autism the school here wouldn’t even give my son an evaluation when they were supposed to. Wouldn’t recommend Louisiana lol., I don’t know why it’s getting down voted either I agree completely!, I think the girl was like 18 or 19, 20 the most! Never even knew she stayed there. But I’m gonna keep track everything just in case they keep calling., I don’t see why this is getting downvoted bc i agree lol, You know what it is kinda weird now that you mention it, I have never seen that girl in my life I didn’t even know that guy had a wife or daughter! I thought it was just him & another guy I was guessing was his son. & when I mentioned the cop thing the lady said “well she don’t have a phone so idk how she would call the cops” & the girl was probably like 18 or 19 so what teenager doesn’t have a phone? On the video recording I got I heard her say “and I’ll call them again” so I truly think it was her but she’s not telling her parents she did it maybe? Idk it does seem weird to me too., Thank you! 💓 it is really upsetting & my heart hurts for my daughter bc she’s so innocent she didn’t even know what was going on. Hopefully these people will just leave us be for now until we move, Omg yeah I seen that about that poor baby girl I don’t see how parents can do such a thing. ☹️ that’s why I wasn’t worried about it at first bc maybe someone was genuinely concerned but when I heard her mocking my baby I knew it had to have been her & to say I beat my kids that’s not something to just say like that especially since I’m a mother who’s really trying & I don’t believe putting my hands on kids, Whaaaat the actual fuck!? I just read that case. That woman deserves the death penalty, and not a quick one., I had to find the story. I wish I didn't., One of our neighbors (older man) gave me horrible looks every single time he saw me out with our kids because he always heard the meltdowns and tantrums. My son (non speaking) started school in the fall and hie is bussed to/from school from our front door daily. The first couple of days I’d notice him peeking through the windows. My husband was out front one afternoon waiting for the bus and he came out to be a nosey asshole. My husband explained the autism and eloping and meltdowns and a light went off in his head and he realized I wasn’t a complete monster. He started coming out each morning (after he is safely on the bus) and waving goodbye to him. Once my son is off the bus in the afternoon, he comes out and asks him about his day and lets my son play with his dog. He’s now one of my sons favorite people., Who doesn't know what autism is in this day and age, especially someone who claims to be in the medical field? Glad you aren't talking to that particular therapist anymore., I don’t know why some asshole is downvoting you for this because I had a genuine therapist like licensed clinical social worker, who thought I was saying ‘artistic’ as well, It’s people like that, that don’t realize how dangerous it is to call the police for a false matter. Some officers aren’t trained or educated about Autism and this is my biggest fear! Everyone remembers what happened to Elijah McClain., Depending on how old this girl was, she might be getting a lot of bad intel/ideas from tiktok and other places, with none of the experience and wisdom to question it., Thank you. Been a tough six months but getting there. ❤️, I couldn’t agree more, It’s like that here too that’s the south they are cheap they just don’t have the resources. And they don’t want to have to pay for the child’s services and they feel as if the child is a big liability…. If you ever need to talk im here. ❤️, Oh it’s easy to get downvoted around here., That sounds like repeating what they heard their parents saying... I don't think it's the girl. She's just the one with the big mouth blowing their spot as they play stupid., It's HORRIFYING isn't it? The thing that stuck with me, though, was supposedly the neighbor handed over ring camera footage that picked up the screaming it was so loud at one point, and I was like "you didn't think to call the police then???" (Especially if there'd been no sign of anyone going in or out for days). I don't want to blame anyone else (since it's 100% the mother's fault/no one should have suspected anything like that) but it definitely makes me more likely to call someone if something sounds desperately wrong, I love this, people can change (even an old lad), Yeah I’m thinking she was a late teen early 20s & I was like maybe she gets this from tiktok & think it’s okay to do in real life? Idk. It just sucks bc I feel like I can’t even go into my backyard with my kids & she’ll be sitting out there & if they’re too loud she might call again. Hopefully since I made them aware of my daughters autism they’ll understand, Exactly, I can't believe nobody called. Like even if they didn't know she'd been abandoned, the only adult in the home could have been hurt or dead. That poor baby., That sucks. Just try to stay calm, live your life, and record any more harassment if you can. Maybe if you’ve never seen these women before… they won’t be around for much longer? Like family visiting for spring break or something? Here’s to hoping, anyways., It baffles me that none of the family realized she didn’t have the little girl with her & didn’t even ask if anyone was watching her while she was out on vacation? It’s so heartbreaking what that baby had to go thru, Calling the police initially might have been from genuine concern (I have lived in an apartment hearing a neighbors kid scream after clearly hearing them getting hit or spanked and wondered whether it rose to the legal definition of child abuse) but the mocking shows that they are just cruel., We had a neighbour who would call the police every time my tween would have a meltdown. The police were totally understanding but it was frustrating as hell. I asked the police to place a note on the file for our address stating that an autistic child lives here. The cops would still have to come when the asshole neighbour called but they knew right away that it was an autistic child. The asshole eventually moved. I would have lost it if the asshole made fun of my kid. I feel for you., Get and keep a copy of the police report. Document everything. Let the police know that your neighbor is harassing you. And then you will have a record of events to show CPS if they ever show up. CPS came here twice. Everything was fine. They offered me assistance. It was so reassuring., My son elopes. It’s really good to know your neighbors., Leave an anonymous tip saying they have a meth lab in their house, People are really ignorant. She probably doesn’t know what autistic means. She might even be thinking you’re saying “artistic.” Seriously, people can be dumber than you’d guess., I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. I understand calling the police initially if they didn't know your child was autistic and were concerned about your child's wellbeing - because they wouldn't know if there really was a problem, but the response was completely unnecessary. If they seemed like a reasonable person who was genuinely concerned about your child's safety, I would suggest talking to them about your kid and how you respond. It sounds like they are just annoyed by the noise (which is fair, but it's not like there is anything you can do about it) and being petty. Because that is the case, I'd document any interactions you had with them and then go about your daily business, avoiding her as possible. She seems to like to involve authorities, so the documentation will be useful if anything comes of it, but I don't see anything productive you could do now., Wow, that woman (or girl) at your neighbor's place really wants you to smack her in the mouth. What a shitty excuse for a human being., I know this sounds ridiculous but I would have to consider a door awareness wreath but make it cute?! Or a garden flag? A visual que to an officer in case another is called. I’m sorry, Neighbours called the cops on my mum who was having an episode. She had advanced dementia. They weren’t equipt to deal with a person with dementia. This was the last time she was at home and died around a year later in hospital. Moral of the story, call an ambulance and not the police., I am so glad our neighbours were great when my daughter was younger. She is terrified of needles but had to go to the hospital after her eye swelled shut from poison oak. She had a complete meltdown, slammed her bedroom door repeatedly and so hard that the bedroom window broke, then ran from the house screaming into the backyard. My neighbours came out and asked if I needed any help because she was 8 at the time and not so easy to keep hold of if she wanted to fight and they were concerned, like me, that she might have run into the road. We finally got her in the car and on the way to the hospital. Left the broken window to deal with later. Your neighbours need to try walking in your shoes for a day. I bet they wouldn’t make in an hour., I had a similar experience with two older teens mocking my son's meltdown coming out of a grocery store. You had a lot of self-control in the situation. Those people were out of line, and so were the kids., i’m so sorry that happened. this is a huge fear of mine., That’s awful, I’m really sorry. Not the same but I had a neighbor yesterday joke about one of my son’s stimming behaviors. I wish people weren’t so insensitive and ignorant., I live in a condo, our neighbours called security and the police on us MULTIPLE TIME! It was infuriating and embarrassing also my 4 year old at the time was terrified of the police because of this he thought they were going to take him away. So we spoke to our paediatrician and she got his diagnosis all typed out, then we contacted the police officer who first came to our door and logged a harassment complaint with the documentation of diagnosis. He spoke to the neighbours who complained. We also spoke with the condo board about the harassment and they too spoke to the complainers. It was a long stressful process. all this to say I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this ❤️ I distinctly remember the emotional distress I went through during all of this!, Kids scream that’s so dumb to call cops over something like that unless you SEE someone being beaten you don’t need to call the cops now if it’s a adult women screaming for her life or her partner screaming I can understand. But this just sounds like a rude individual that had never had kids. Don’t piss Them off just stay out of their way maybe get a sigh from Amazon that says “autistic child lives here” and it’ll say different things on it so first responders like ambulance know when they get there first any emergency as well. They also make a sticker for your car. Just incase any emergency’s or anything like that. Even if there was a child stuck in there with no parents etc they can’t just break in and save the child… they have to have a reason and warrant which takes forever cops don’t do “pre crime”. Calling the cops over a child screaming is really doing waaaay too much…. Where is this at? Lol makes me scared to move all my child does is scream so yeah they’d be coming a lot…. She screaming getting her hair washed…., “I don’t beat my kids but Im not afraid to beat your ass”, Im so sorry, some people just have nothing better to do. I lived in a basement apartment and my upstairs neighbour would call CPS on me a few times. Each time there was no cause for concern; and this was before my son was diagnosed with autism. Kids are just loud. I get if people are concerned about hearing kids screaming, especially living so close but what they said about you “not beating your kids” is absolutely disgusting and proves they are just trying to cause problems., There needs to be so much more public education. Parents of ND children are judged so harshly because people simply don’t understand what it takes to raise a ND child safely and compassionately. That neighbor is so ridiculously out of line and doesn’t have a clue. Keep doing what you’re doing, you’re amazing. Edit: why the downvotes? (Asking genuinely), You don’t say how old the girl next door is. Maybe you should call CPS because their child is harassing your disabled child and the parents are not doing anything about it and you are worried for your daughter’s safety. They need to parent better. Record any interactions you have with them. Call the police, too, and explain the situation so if things escalate it will be on record at least., I can be off kilter a bit so I probably would’ve been like “I don’t beat my kid but I have zero problem beating you and will go to jail to protect my kid”, Something about the way this was described is unsettling to me. The OP is fine and I get where you're coming from Mama. I'm thinking something ain't right in that house behind you and that child sounds like SHE was the one crying out for help. I don't know what it was that makes me feel that way but something feels 'off' from the way she was mocking and the fact that she (most likely even though we can't confirm) called the police and was accusing you of hitting your kid. I'm thinking I would just keep a firm boundary with them and don't engage. The fact that you were willing to confront them, they will most likely leave things alone because calling the police and making unfounded accusations is a passive aggressive move at a minimum or, maybe it was her projecting some kind of trauma and trying to signal she needs help. I can't say since I wasn't there but that's not the kind of interaction that would be expected from a kid. And of course there's always the 'some people suck' answer which I've come across many a time when one of my kids was having a meltdown in public and I'd get stares from onlookers., Wow I’m so sorry that this happened, it is upsetting just reading about, I can’t imagine actually experiencing that and in your own home :( And for your child to be mocked in your own yard. I am SO sorry, and wishing the best for you and your kids., Yeah, ever since that poor little toddler died from being abandoned in a playpen for 10 days, I feel like genuine concern is a legitimate reason to call for a wellness check if something seems wrong through the walls. This particular neighbor is obviously just an a-hole, though., Right i totally get that! I’ve had a neighbor who was actually hitting on her kids so I would call bc I was genuinely worried. But the mocking just showed right there she was just being ugly. It’s crazy bc I never seen or talked to this girl in my life., That sounds so annoying to deal with! I know they have to go check but it’s so frustrating especially when they know the child is autistic. I’m not sure if these neighbors knew or not bc when I told them they were kinda shocked like they didn’t know what to say. Yeah, it took so much in me not to climb over that fence but I don’t wanna eat jail food, You’re right! My other neighbors are so understanding about it. Those neighbors I only thought a man & his older son lived there I didn’t know he had wife or daughter so that’s what’s just crazy to me lol, This made me laugh, thank you, This is great I’ll keep this in mind 🥰, You are so right tho I had a therapist that I would talk to & she would be thinking I was saying “artistic” the whole time & she would be so confused & finally she asked what I meant & I had to explain to her what autism was like she genuinely didn’t know I was really concerned for her, Yeah the way she kept yelling “officer she’s threatening me office” told me she likes to call the cops so I chose my words & actions wisely. & it sounds like a common thing for her to mock kids or just be a bully in general bc her mom said “what did I tell you about making fun of little kids” which I got that on video recording., She really needs to be slapped bc it sounds like she’s just a bully who needs to be put in her place. She’s a waste of oxygen that girl., I don’t think it sounds ridiculous! Actually a good idea so people can know & maybe have an understanding more thank you!, I’m so sorry to hear that. You’re right an ambulance would probably be better for situations like that & people just don’t understand until it happens to them /: wishing you well hun x, Wow your neighbors are so great for that! My neighbors on the other side of me are great they knew about my kids being autistic & are so nice they never complained about them being loud or nothing. But yes people never know what other parents have to go thru. They don’t have babies or kids at their house that I know of if they were concerned they should’ve just came to me., Mine too! I’m still always so scared of someone making fun of my kids especially if I’m not around. Hopefully since I told them she’s autistic they’ll understand if they even know what it means, That is just so mean! I’ve had kids & even grown adults make fun of my kids bc they did something “weird” or made a “weird sound” they literally just think differently & have a certain way of doing things no need to make fun of what you can’t understand, Exactly even the cop said he knows kids can scream & be loud autistic or not. I’ll look into a sign tho so people can be aware & maybe have an understanding. My daughter screams when I wash her hair also & it’s not like painful screams either so it’s just crazy they said she screams all day & night which isn’t true either bc she’s asleep by 8. Im staying near New Orleans but looking to relocate hopefully soon. The school systems in Louisiana are also horrible about kids with autism the school here wouldn’t even give my son an evaluation when they were supposed to. Wouldn’t recommend Louisiana lol., I don’t know why it’s getting down voted either I agree completely!, I think the girl was like 18 or 19, 20 the most! Never even knew she stayed there. But I’m gonna keep track everything just in case they keep calling., I don’t see why this is getting downvoted bc i agree lol, You know what it is kinda weird now that you mention it, I have never seen that girl in my life I didn’t even know that guy had a wife or daughter! I thought it was just him & another guy I was guessing was his son. & when I mentioned the cop thing the lady said “well she don’t have a phone so idk how she would call the cops” & the girl was probably like 18 or 19 so what teenager doesn’t have a phone? On the video recording I got I heard her say “and I’ll call them again” so I truly think it was her but she’s not telling her parents she did it maybe? Idk it does seem weird to me too., Thank you! 💓 it is really upsetting & my heart hurts for my daughter bc she’s so innocent she didn’t even know what was going on. Hopefully these people will just leave us be for now until we move, Omg yeah I seen that about that poor baby girl I don’t see how parents can do such a thing. ☹️ that’s why I wasn’t worried about it at first bc maybe someone was genuinely concerned but when I heard her mocking my baby I knew it had to have been her & to say I beat my kids that’s not something to just say like that especially since I’m a mother who’s really trying & I don’t believe putting my hands on kids, Whaaaat the actual fuck!? I just read that case. That woman deserves the death penalty, and not a quick one., I had to find the story. I wish I didn't., One of our neighbors (older man) gave me horrible looks every single time he saw me out with our kids because he always heard the meltdowns and tantrums. My son (non speaking) started school in the fall and hie is bussed to/from school from our front door daily. The first couple of days I’d notice him peeking through the windows. My husband was out front one afternoon waiting for the bus and he came out to be a nosey asshole. My husband explained the autism and eloping and meltdowns and a light went off in his head and he realized I wasn’t a complete monster. He started coming out each morning (after he is safely on the bus) and waving goodbye to him. Once my son is off the bus in the afternoon, he comes out and asks him about his day and lets my son play with his dog. He’s now one of my sons favorite people., Who doesn't know what autism is in this day and age, especially someone who claims to be in the medical field? Glad you aren't talking to that particular therapist anymore., I don’t know why some asshole is downvoting you for this because I had a genuine therapist like licensed clinical social worker, who thought I was saying ‘artistic’ as well, It’s people like that, that don’t realize how dangerous it is to call the police for a false matter. Some officers aren’t trained or educated about Autism and this is my biggest fear! Everyone remembers what happened to Elijah McClain., Depending on how old this girl was, she might be getting a lot of bad intel/ideas from tiktok and other places, with none of the experience and wisdom to question it., Thank you. Been a tough six months but getting there. ❤️, I couldn’t agree more, It’s like that here too that’s the south they are cheap they just don’t have the resources. And they don’t want to have to pay for the child’s services and they feel as if the child is a big liability…. If you ever need to talk im here. ❤️, Oh it’s easy to get downvoted around here., That sounds like repeating what they heard their parents saying... I don't think it's the girl. She's just the one with the big mouth blowing their spot as they play stupid., It's HORRIFYING isn't it? The thing that stuck with me, though, was supposedly the neighbor handed over ring camera footage that picked up the screaming it was so loud at one point, and I was like "you didn't think to call the police then???" (Especially if there'd been no sign of anyone going in or out for days). I don't want to blame anyone else (since it's 100% the mother's fault/no one should have suspected anything like that) but it definitely makes me more likely to call someone if something sounds desperately wrong, I love this, people can change (even an old lad), Yeah I’m thinking she was a late teen early 20s & I was like maybe she gets this from tiktok & think it’s okay to do in real life? Idk. It just sucks bc I feel like I can’t even go into my backyard with my kids & she’ll be sitting out there & if they’re too loud she might call again. Hopefully since I made them aware of my daughters autism they’ll understand, Exactly, I can't believe nobody called. Like even if they didn't know she'd been abandoned, the only adult in the home could have been hurt or dead. That poor baby., That sucks. Just try to stay calm, live your life, and record any more harassment if you can. Maybe if you’ve never seen these women before… they won’t be around for much longer? Like family visiting for spring break or something? Here’s to hoping, anyways., It baffles me that none of the family realized she didn’t have the little girl with her & didn’t even ask if anyone was watching her while she was out on vacation? It’s so heartbreaking what that baby had to go thru, Calling the police initially might have been from genuine concern (I have lived in an apartment hearing a neighbors kid scream after clearly hearing them getting hit or spanked and wondered whether it rose to the legal definition of child abuse) but the mocking shows that they are just cruel., We had a neighbour who would call the police every time my tween would have a meltdown. The police were totally understanding but it was frustrating as hell. I asked the police to place a note on the file for our address stating that an autistic child lives here. The cops would still have to come when the asshole neighbour called but they knew right away that it was an autistic child. The asshole eventually moved. I would have lost it if the asshole made fun of my kid. I feel for you., Get and keep a copy of the police report. Document everything. Let the police know that your neighbor is harassing you. And then you will have a record of events to show CPS if they ever show up. CPS came here twice. Everything was fine. They offered me assistance. It was so reassuring., My son elopes. It’s really good to know your neighbors., Leave an anonymous tip saying they have a meth lab in their house, People are really ignorant. She probably doesn’t know what autistic means. She might even be thinking you’re saying “artistic.” Seriously, people can be dumber than you’d guess., I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. I understand calling the police initially if they didn't know your child was autistic and were concerned about your child's wellbeing - because they wouldn't know if there really was a problem, but the response was completely unnecessary. If they seemed like a reasonable person who was genuinely concerned about your child's safety, I would suggest talking to them about your kid and how you respond. It sounds like they are just annoyed by the noise (which is fair, but it's not like there is anything you can do about it) and being petty. Because that is the case, I'd document any interactions you had with them and then go about your daily business, avoiding her as possible. She seems to like to involve authorities, so the documentation will be useful if anything comes of it, but I don't see anything productive you could do now., Wow, that woman (or girl) at your neighbor's place really wants you to smack her in the mouth. What a shitty excuse for a human being., I know this sounds ridiculous but I would have to consider a door awareness wreath but make it cute?! Or a garden flag? A visual que to an officer in case another is called. I’m sorry, Neighbours called the cops on my mum who was having an episode. She had advanced dementia. They weren’t equipt to deal with a person with dementia. This was the last time she was at home and died around a year later in hospital. Moral of the story, call an ambulance and not the police., I am so glad our neighbours were great when my daughter was younger. She is terrified of needles but had to go to the hospital after her eye swelled shut from poison oak. She had a complete meltdown, slammed her bedroom door repeatedly and so hard that the bedroom window broke, then ran from the house screaming into the backyard. My neighbours came out and asked if I needed any help because she was 8 at the time and not so easy to keep hold of if she wanted to fight and they were concerned, like me, that she might have run into the road. We finally got her in the car and on the way to the hospital. Left the broken window to deal with later. Your neighbours need to try walking in your shoes for a day. I bet they wouldn’t make in an hour., I had a similar experience with two older teens mocking my son's meltdown coming out of a grocery store. You had a lot of self-control in the situation. Those people were out of line, and so were the kids., i’m so sorry that happened. this is a huge fear of mine., That’s awful, I’m really sorry. Not the same but I had a neighbor yesterday joke about one of my son’s stimming behaviors. I wish people weren’t so insensitive and ignorant., I live in a condo, our neighbours called security and the police on us MULTIPLE TIME! It was infuriating and embarrassing also my 4 year old at the time was terrified of the police because of this he thought they were going to take him away. So we spoke to our paediatrician and she got his diagnosis all typed out, then we contacted the police officer who first came to our door and logged a harassment complaint with the documentation of diagnosis. He spoke to the neighbours who complained. We also spoke with the condo board about the harassment and they too spoke to the complainers. It was a long stressful process. all this to say I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this ❤️ I distinctly remember the emotional distress I went through during all of this!, Kids scream that’s so dumb to call cops over something like that unless you SEE someone being beaten you don’t need to call the cops now if it’s a adult women screaming for her life or her partner screaming I can understand. But this just sounds like a rude individual that had never had kids. Don’t piss Them off just stay out of their way maybe get a sigh from Amazon that says “autistic child lives here” and it’ll say different things on it so first responders like ambulance know when they get there first any emergency as well. They also make a sticker for your car. Just incase any emergency’s or anything like that. Even if there was a child stuck in there with no parents etc they can’t just break in and save the child… they have to have a reason and warrant which takes forever cops don’t do “pre crime”. Calling the cops over a child screaming is really doing waaaay too much…. Where is this at? Lol makes me scared to move all my child does is scream so yeah they’d be coming a lot…. She screaming getting her hair washed…., “I don’t beat my kids but Im not afraid to beat your ass”, Im so sorry, some people just have nothing better to do. I lived in a basement apartment and my upstairs neighbour would call CPS on me a few times. Each time there was no cause for concern; and this was before my son was diagnosed with autism. Kids are just loud. I get if people are concerned about hearing kids screaming, especially living so close but what they said about you “not beating your kids” is absolutely disgusting and proves they are just trying to cause problems., There needs to be so much more public education. Parents of ND children are judged so harshly because people simply don’t understand what it takes to raise a ND child safely and compassionately. That neighbor is so ridiculously out of line and doesn’t have a clue. Keep doing what you’re doing, you’re amazing. Edit: why the downvotes? (Asking genuinely), You don’t say how old the girl next door is. Maybe you should call CPS because their child is harassing your disabled child and the parents are not doing anything about it and you are worried for your daughter’s safety. They need to parent better. Record any interactions you have with them. Call the police, too, and explain the situation so if things escalate it will be on record at least., I can be off kilter a bit so I probably would’ve been like “I don’t beat my kid but I have zero problem beating you and will go to jail to protect my kid”, Something about the way this was described is unsettling to me. The OP is fine and I get where you're coming from Mama. I'm thinking something ain't right in that house behind you and that child sounds like SHE was the one crying out for help. I don't know what it was that makes me feel that way but something feels 'off' from the way she was mocking and the fact that she (most likely even though we can't confirm) called the police and was accusing you of hitting your kid. I'm thinking I would just keep a firm boundary with them and don't engage. The fact that you were willing to confront them, they will most likely leave things alone because calling the police and making unfounded accusations is a passive aggressive move at a minimum or, maybe it was her projecting some kind of trauma and trying to signal she needs help. I can't say since I wasn't there but that's not the kind of interaction that would be expected from a kid. And of course there's always the 'some people suck' answer which I've come across many a time when one of my kids was having a meltdown in public and I'd get stares from onlookers., Wow I’m so sorry that this happened, it is upsetting just reading about, I can’t imagine actually experiencing that and in your own home :( And for your child to be mocked in your own yard. I am SO sorry, and wishing the best for you and your kids., Yeah, ever since that poor little toddler died from being abandoned in a playpen for 10 days, I feel like genuine concern is a legitimate reason to call for a wellness check if something seems wrong through the walls. This particular neighbor is obviously just an a-hole, though., Right i totally get that! I’ve had a neighbor who was actually hitting on her kids so I would call bc I was genuinely worried. But the mocking just showed right there she was just being ugly. It’s crazy bc I never seen or talked to this girl in my life., That sounds so annoying to deal with! I know they have to go check but it’s so frustrating especially when they know the child is autistic. I’m not sure if these neighbors knew or not bc when I told them they were kinda shocked like they didn’t know what to say. Yeah, it took so much in me not to climb over that fence but I don’t wanna eat jail food, You’re right! My other neighbors are so understanding about it. Those neighbors I only thought a man & his older son lived there I didn’t know he had wife or daughter so that’s what’s just crazy to me lol, This made me laugh, thank you, This is great I’ll keep this in mind 🥰, You are so right tho I had a therapist that I would talk to & she would be thinking I was saying “artistic” the whole time & she would be so confused & finally she asked what I meant & I had to explain to her what autism was like she genuinely didn’t know I was really concerned for her, Yeah the way she kept yelling “officer she’s threatening me office” told me she likes to call the cops so I chose my words & actions wisely. & it sounds like a common thing for her to mock kids or just be a bully in general bc her mom said “what did I tell you about making fun of little kids” which I got that on video recording., She really needs to be slapped bc it sounds like she’s just a bully who needs to be put in her place. She’s a waste of oxygen that girl., I don’t think it sounds ridiculous! Actually a good idea so people can know & maybe have an understanding more thank you!, I’m so sorry to hear that. You’re right an ambulance would probably be better for situations like that & people just don’t understand until it happens to them /: wishing you well hun x, Wow your neighbors are so great for that! My neighbors on the other side of me are great they knew about my kids being autistic & are so nice they never complained about them being loud or nothing. But yes people never know what other parents have to go thru. They don’t have babies or kids at their house that I know of if they were concerned they should’ve just came to me., Mine too! I’m still always so scared of someone making fun of my kids especially if I’m not around. Hopefully since I told them she’s autistic they’ll understand if they even know what it means, That is just so mean! I’ve had kids & even grown adults make fun of my kids bc they did something “weird” or made a “weird sound” they literally just think differently & have a certain way of doing things no need to make fun of what you can’t understand, Exactly even the cop said he knows kids can scream & be loud autistic or not. I’ll look into a sign tho so people can be aware & maybe have an understanding. My daughter screams when I wash her hair also & it’s not like painful screams either so it’s just crazy they said she screams all day & night which isn’t true either bc she’s asleep by 8. Im staying near New Orleans but looking to relocate hopefully soon. The school systems in Louisiana are also horrible about kids with autism the school here wouldn’t even give my son an evaluation when they were supposed to. Wouldn’t recommend Louisiana lol., I don’t know why it’s getting down voted either I agree completely!, I think the girl was like 18 or 19, 20 the most! Never even knew she stayed there. But I’m gonna keep track everything just in case they keep calling., I don’t see why this is getting downvoted bc i agree lol, You know what it is kinda weird now that you mention it, I have never seen that girl in my life I didn’t even know that guy had a wife or daughter! I thought it was just him & another guy I was guessing was his son. & when I mentioned the cop thing the lady said “well she don’t have a phone so idk how she would call the cops” & the girl was probably like 18 or 19 so what teenager doesn’t have a phone? On the video recording I got I heard her say “and I’ll call them again” so I truly think it was her but she’s not telling her parents she did it maybe? Idk it does seem weird to me too., Thank you! 💓 it is really upsetting & my heart hurts for my daughter bc she’s so innocent she didn’t even know what was going on. Hopefully these people will just leave us be for now until we move, Omg yeah I seen that about that poor baby girl I don’t see how parents can do such a thing. ☹️ that’s why I wasn’t worried about it at first bc maybe someone was genuinely concerned but when I heard her mocking my baby I knew it had to have been her & to say I beat my kids that’s not something to just say like that especially since I’m a mother who’s really trying & I don’t believe putting my hands on kids, Whaaaat the actual fuck!? I just read that case. That woman deserves the death penalty, and not a quick one., I had to find the story. I wish I didn't., One of our neighbors (older man) gave me horrible looks every single time he saw me out with our kids because he always heard the meltdowns and tantrums. My son (non speaking) started school in the fall and hie is bussed to/from school from our front door daily. The first couple of days I’d notice him peeking through the windows. My husband was out front one afternoon waiting for the bus and he came out to be a nosey asshole. My husband explained the autism and eloping and meltdowns and a light went off in his head and he realized I wasn’t a complete monster. He started coming out each morning (after he is safely on the bus) and waving goodbye to him. Once my son is off the bus in the afternoon, he comes out and asks him about his day and lets my son play with his dog. He’s now one of my sons favorite people., Who doesn't know what autism is in this day and age, especially someone who claims to be in the medical field? Glad you aren't talking to that particular therapist anymore., I don’t know why some asshole is downvoting you for this because I had a genuine therapist like licensed clinical social worker, who thought I was saying ‘artistic’ as well, It’s people like that, that don’t realize how dangerous it is to call the police for a false matter. Some officers aren’t trained or educated about Autism and this is my biggest fear! Everyone remembers what happened to Elijah McClain., Depending on how old this girl was, she might be getting a lot of bad intel/ideas from tiktok and other places, with none of the experience and wisdom to question it., Thank you. Been a tough six months but getting there. ❤️, I couldn’t agree more, It’s like that here too that’s the south they are cheap they just don’t have the resources. And they don’t want to have to pay for the child’s services and they feel as if the child is a big liability…. If you ever need to talk im here. ❤️, Oh it’s easy to get downvoted around here., That sounds like repeating what they heard their parents saying... I don't think it's the girl. She's just the one with the big mouth blowing their spot as they play stupid., It's HORRIFYING isn't it? The thing that stuck with me, though, was supposedly the neighbor handed over ring camera footage that picked up the screaming it was so loud at one point, and I was like "you didn't think to call the police then???" (Especially if there'd been no sign of anyone going in or out for days). I don't want to blame anyone else (since it's 100% the mother's fault/no one should have suspected anything like that) but it definitely makes me more likely to call someone if something sounds desperately wrong, I love this, people can change (even an old lad), Yeah I’m thinking she was a late teen early 20s & I was like maybe she gets this from tiktok & think it’s okay to do in real life? Idk. It just sucks bc I feel like I can’t even go into my backyard with my kids & she’ll be sitting out there & if they’re too loud she might call again. Hopefully since I made them aware of my daughters autism they’ll understand, Exactly, I can't believe nobody called. Like even if they didn't know she'd been abandoned, the only adult in the home could have been hurt or dead. That poor baby., That sucks. Just try to stay calm, live your life, and record any more harassment if you can. Maybe if you’ve never seen these women before… they won’t be around for much longer? Like family visiting for spring break or something? Here’s to hoping, anyways., It baffles me that none of the family realized she didn’t have the little girl with her & didn’t even ask if anyone was watching her while she was out on vacation? It’s so heartbreaking what that baby had to go thru, Calling the police initially might have been from genuine concern (I have lived in an apartment hearing a neighbors kid scream after clearly hearing them getting hit or spanked and wondered whether it rose to the legal definition of child abuse) but the mocking shows that they are just cruel., We had a neighbour who would call the police every time my tween would have a meltdown. The police were totally understanding but it was frustrating as hell. I asked the police to place a note on the file for our address stating that an autistic child lives here. The cops would still have to come when the asshole neighbour called but they knew right away that it was an autistic child. The asshole eventually moved. I would have lost it if the asshole made fun of my kid. I feel for you., Get and keep a copy of the police report. Document everything. Let the police know that your neighbor is harassing you. And then you will have a record of events to show CPS if they ever show up. CPS came here twice. Everything was fine. They offered me assistance. It was so reassuring., My son elopes. It’s really good to know your neighbors., Leave an anonymous tip saying they have a meth lab in their house, People are really ignorant. She probably doesn’t know what autistic means. She might even be thinking you’re saying “artistic.” Seriously, people can be dumber than you’d guess., I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. I understand calling the police initially if they didn't know your child was autistic and were concerned about your child's wellbeing - because they wouldn't know if there really was a problem, but the response was completely unnecessary. If they seemed like a reasonable person who was genuinely concerned about your child's safety, I would suggest talking to them about your kid and how you respond. It sounds like they are just annoyed by the noise (which is fair, but it's not like there is anything you can do about it) and being petty. Because that is the case, I'd document any interactions you had with them and then go about your daily business, avoiding her as possible. She seems to like to involve authorities, so the documentation will be useful if anything comes of it, but I don't see anything productive you could do now., Wow, that woman (or girl) at your neighbor's place really wants you to smack her in the mouth. What a shitty excuse for a human being., I know this sounds ridiculous but I would have to consider a door awareness wreath but make it cute?! Or a garden flag? A visual que to an officer in case another is called. I’m sorry, Neighbours called the cops on my mum who was having an episode. She had advanced dementia. They weren’t equipt to deal with a person with dementia. This was the last time she was at home and died around a year later in hospital. Moral of the story, call an ambulance and not the police., I am so glad our neighbours were great when my daughter was younger. She is terrified of needles but had to go to the hospital after her eye swelled shut from poison oak. She had a complete meltdown, slammed her bedroom door repeatedly and so hard that the bedroom window broke, then ran from the house screaming into the backyard. My neighbours came out and asked if I needed any help because she was 8 at the time and not so easy to keep hold of if she wanted to fight and they were concerned, like me, that she might have run into the road. We finally got her in the car and on the way to the hospital. Left the broken window to deal with later. Your neighbours need to try walking in your shoes for a day. I bet they wouldn’t make in an hour., I had a similar experience with two older teens mocking my son's meltdown coming out of a grocery store. You had a lot of self-control in the situation. Those people were out of line, and so were the kids., i’m so sorry that happened. this is a huge fear of mine., That’s awful, I’m really sorry. Not the same but I had a neighbor yesterday joke about one of my son’s stimming behaviors. I wish people weren’t so insensitive and ignorant., I live in a condo, our neighbours called security and the police on us MULTIPLE TIME! It was infuriating and embarrassing also my 4 year old at the time was terrified of the police because of this he thought they were going to take him away. So we spoke to our paediatrician and she got his diagnosis all typed out, then we contacted the police officer who first came to our door and logged a harassment complaint with the documentation of diagnosis. He spoke to the neighbours who complained. We also spoke with the condo board about the harassment and they too spoke to the complainers. It was a long stressful process. all this to say I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this ❤️ I distinctly remember the emotional distress I went through during all of this!, Kids scream that’s so dumb to call cops over something like that unless you SEE someone being beaten you don’t need to call the cops now if it’s a adult women screaming for her life or her partner screaming I can understand. But this just sounds like a rude individual that had never had kids. Don’t piss Them off just stay out of their way maybe get a sigh from Amazon that says “autistic child lives here” and it’ll say different things on it so first responders like ambulance know when they get there first any emergency as well. They also make a sticker for your car. Just incase any emergency’s or anything like that. Even if there was a child stuck in there with no parents etc they can’t just break in and save the child… they have to have a reason and warrant which takes forever cops don’t do “pre crime”. Calling the cops over a child screaming is really doing waaaay too much…. Where is this at? Lol makes me scared to move all my child does is scream so yeah they’d be coming a lot…. She screaming getting her hair washed…., “I don’t beat my kids but Im not afraid to beat your ass”, Im so sorry, some people just have nothing better to do. I lived in a basement apartment and my upstairs neighbour would call CPS on me a few times. Each time there was no cause for concern; and this was before my son was diagnosed with autism. Kids are just loud. I get if people are concerned about hearing kids screaming, especially living so close but what they said about you “not beating your kids” is absolutely disgusting and proves they are just trying to cause problems., There needs to be so much more public education. Parents of ND children are judged so harshly because people simply don’t understand what it takes to raise a ND child safely and compassionately. That neighbor is so ridiculously out of line and doesn’t have a clue. Keep doing what you’re doing, you’re amazing. Edit: why the downvotes? (Asking genuinely), You don’t say how old the girl next door is. Maybe you should call CPS because their child is harassing your disabled child and the parents are not doing anything about it and you are worried for your daughter’s safety. They need to parent better. Record any interactions you have with them. Call the police, too, and explain the situation so if things escalate it will be on record at least., I can be off kilter a bit so I probably would’ve been like “I don’t beat my kid but I have zero problem beating you and will go to jail to protect my kid”, Something about the way this was described is unsettling to me. The OP is fine and I get where you're coming from Mama. I'm thinking something ain't right in that house behind you and that child sounds like SHE was the one crying out for help. I don't know what it was that makes me feel that way but something feels 'off' from the way she was mocking and the fact that she (most likely even though we can't confirm) called the police and was accusing you of hitting your kid. I'm thinking I would just keep a firm boundary with them and don't engage. The fact that you were willing to confront them, they will most likely leave things alone because calling the police and making unfounded accusations is a passive aggressive move at a minimum or, maybe it was her projecting some kind of trauma and trying to signal she needs help. I can't say since I wasn't there but that's not the kind of interaction that would be expected from a kid. And of course there's always the 'some people suck' answer which I've come across many a time when one of my kids was having a meltdown in public and I'd get stares from onlookers., Wow I’m so sorry that this happened, it is upsetting just reading about, I can’t imagine actually experiencing that and in your own home :( And for your child to be mocked in your own yard. I am SO sorry, and wishing the best for you and your kids., Yeah, ever since that poor little toddler died from being abandoned in a playpen for 10 days, I feel like genuine concern is a legitimate reason to call for a wellness check if something seems wrong through the walls. This particular neighbor is obviously just an a-hole, though., Right i totally get that! I’ve had a neighbor who was actually hitting on her kids so I would call bc I was genuinely worried. But the mocking just showed right there she was just being ugly. It’s crazy bc I never seen or talked to this girl in my life., That sounds so annoying to deal with! I know they have to go check but it’s so frustrating especially when they know the child is autistic. I’m not sure if these neighbors knew or not bc when I told them they were kinda shocked like they didn’t know what to say. Yeah, it took so much in me not to climb over that fence but I don’t wanna eat jail food, You’re right! My other neighbors are so understanding about it. Those neighbors I only thought a man & his older son lived there I didn’t know he had wife or daughter so that’s what’s just crazy to me lol, This made me laugh, thank you, This is great I’ll keep this in mind 🥰, You are so right tho I had a therapist that I would talk to & she would be thinking I was saying “artistic” the whole time & she would be so confused & finally she asked what I meant & I had to explain to her what autism was like she genuinely didn’t know I was really concerned for her, Yeah the way she kept yelling “officer she’s threatening me office” told me she likes to call the cops so I chose my words & actions wisely. & it sounds like a common thing for her to mock kids or just be a bully in general bc her mom said “what did I tell you about making fun of little kids” which I got that on video recording., She really needs to be slapped bc it sounds like she’s just a bully who needs to be put in her place. She’s a waste of oxygen that girl., I don’t think it sounds ridiculous! Actually a good idea so people can know & maybe have an understanding more thank you!, I’m so sorry to hear that. You’re right an ambulance would probably be better for situations like that & people just don’t understand until it happens to them /: wishing you well hun x, Wow your neighbors are so great for that! My neighbors on the other side of me are great they knew about my kids being autistic & are so nice they never complained about them being loud or nothing. But yes people never know what other parents have to go thru. They don’t have babies or kids at their house that I know of if they were concerned they should’ve just came to me., Mine too! I’m still always so scared of someone making fun of my kids especially if I’m not around. Hopefully since I told them she’s autistic they’ll understand if they even know what it means, That is just so mean! I’ve had kids & even grown adults make fun of my kids bc they did something “weird” or made a “weird sound” they literally just think differently & have a certain way of doing things no need to make fun of what you can’t understand, Exactly even the cop said he knows kids can scream & be loud autistic or not. I’ll look into a sign tho so people can be aware & maybe have an understanding. My daughter screams when I wash her hair also & it’s not like painful screams either so it’s just crazy they said she screams all day & night which isn’t true either bc she’s asleep by 8. Im staying near New Orleans but looking to relocate hopefully soon. The school systems in Louisiana are also horrible about kids with autism the school here wouldn’t even give my son an evaluation when they were supposed to. Wouldn’t recommend Louisiana lol., I don’t know why it’s getting down voted either I agree completely!, I think the girl was like 18 or 19, 20 the most! Never even knew she stayed there. But I’m gonna keep track everything just in case they keep calling., I don’t see why this is getting downvoted bc i agree lol, You know what it is kinda weird now that you mention it, I have never seen that girl in my life I didn’t even know that guy had a wife or daughter! I thought it was just him & another guy I was guessing was his son. & when I mentioned the cop thing the lady said “well she don’t have a phone so idk how she would call the cops” & the girl was probably like 18 or 19 so what teenager doesn’t have a phone? On the video recording I got I heard her say “and I’ll call them again” so I truly think it was her but she’s not telling her parents she did it maybe? Idk it does seem weird to me too., Thank you! 💓 it is really upsetting & my heart hurts for my daughter bc she’s so innocent she didn’t even know what was going on. Hopefully these people will just leave us be for now until we move, Omg yeah I seen that about that poor baby girl I don’t see how parents can do such a thing. ☹️ that’s why I wasn’t worried about it at first bc maybe someone was genuinely concerned but when I heard her mocking my baby I knew it had to have been her & to say I beat my kids that’s not something to just say like that especially since I’m a mother who’s really trying & I don’t believe putting my hands on kids, Whaaaat the actual fuck!? I just read that case. That woman deserves the death penalty, and not a quick one., I had to find the story. I wish I didn't., One of our neighbors (older man) gave me horrible looks every single time he saw me out with our kids because he always heard the meltdowns and tantrums. My son (non speaking) started school in the fall and hie is bussed to/from school from our front door daily. The first couple of days I’d notice him peeking through the windows. My husband was out front one afternoon waiting for the bus and he came out to be a nosey asshole. My husband explained the autism and eloping and meltdowns and a light went off in his head and he realized I wasn’t a complete monster. He started coming out each morning (after he is safely on the bus) and waving goodbye to him. Once my son is off the bus in the afternoon, he comes out and asks him about his day and lets my son play with his dog. He’s now one of my sons favorite people., Who doesn't know what autism is in this day and age, especially someone who claims to be in the medical field? Glad you aren't talking to that particular therapist anymore., I don’t know why some asshole is downvoting you for this because I had a genuine therapist like licensed clinical social worker, who thought I was saying ‘artistic’ as well, It’s people like that, that don’t realize how dangerous it is to call the police for a false matter. Some officers aren’t trained or educated about Autism and this is my biggest fear! Everyone remembers what happened to Elijah McClain., Depending on how old this girl was, she might be getting a lot of bad intel/ideas from tiktok and other places, with none of the experience and wisdom to question it., Thank you. Been a tough six months but getting there. ❤️, I couldn’t agree more, It’s like that here too that’s the south they are cheap they just don’t have the resources. And they don’t want to have to pay for the child’s services and they feel as if the child is a big liability…. If you ever need to talk im here. ❤️, Oh it’s easy to get downvoted around here., That sounds like repeating what they heard their parents saying... I don't think it's the girl. She's just the one with the big mouth blowing their spot as they play stupid., It's HORRIFYING isn't it? The thing that stuck with me, though, was supposedly the neighbor handed over ring camera footage that picked up the screaming it was so loud at one point, and I was like "you didn't think to call the police then???" (Especially if there'd been no sign of anyone going in or out for days). I don't want to blame anyone else (since it's 100% the mother's fault/no one should have suspected anything like that) but it definitely makes me more likely to call someone if something sounds desperately wrong, I love this, people can change (even an old lad), Yeah I’m thinking she was a late teen early 20s & I was like maybe she gets this from tiktok & think it’s okay to do in real life? Idk. It just sucks bc I feel like I can’t even go into my backyard with my kids & she’ll be sitting out there & if they’re too loud she might call again. Hopefully since I made them aware of my daughters autism they’ll understand, Exactly, I can't believe nobody called. Like even if they didn't know she'd been abandoned, the only adult in the home could have been hurt or dead. That poor baby., That sucks. Just try to stay calm, live your life, and record any more harassment if you can. Maybe if you’ve never seen these women before… they won’t be around for much longer? Like family visiting for spring break or something? Here’s to hoping, anyways., It baffles me that none of the family realized she didn’t have the little girl with her & didn’t even ask if anyone was watching her while she was out on vacation? It’s so heartbreaking what that baby had to go thru, Calling the police initially might have been from genuine concern (I have lived in an apartment hearing a neighbors kid scream after clearly hearing them getting hit or spanked and wondered whether it rose to the legal definition of child abuse) but the mocking shows that they are just cruel., We had a neighbour who would call the police every time my tween would have a meltdown. The police were totally understanding but it was frustrating as hell. I asked the police to place a note on the file for our address stating that an autistic child lives here. The cops would still have to come when the asshole neighbour called but they knew right away that it was an autistic child. The asshole eventually moved. I would have lost it if the asshole made fun of my kid. I feel for you., Get and keep a copy of the police report. Document everything. Let the police know that your neighbor is harassing you. And then you will have a record of events to show CPS if they ever show up. CPS came here twice. Everything was fine. They offered me assistance. It was so reassuring., My son elopes. It’s really good to know your neighbors., Leave an anonymous tip saying they have a meth lab in their house, People are really ignorant. She probably doesn’t know what autistic means. She might even be thinking you’re saying “artistic.” Seriously, people can be dumber than you’d guess., I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. I understand calling the police initially if they didn't know your child was autistic and were concerned about your child's wellbeing - because they wouldn't know if there really was a problem, but the response was completely unnecessary. If they seemed like a reasonable person who was genuinely concerned about your child's safety, I would suggest talking to them about your kid and how you respond. It sounds like they are just annoyed by the noise (which is fair, but it's not like there is anything you can do about it) and being petty. Because that is the case, I'd document any interactions you had with them and then go about your daily business, avoiding her as possible. She seems to like to involve authorities, so the documentation will be useful if anything comes of it, but I don't see anything productive you could do now., Wow, that woman (or girl) at your neighbor's place really wants you to smack her in the mouth. What a shitty excuse for a human being., I know this sounds ridiculous but I would have to consider a door awareness wreath but make it cute?! Or a garden flag? A visual que to an officer in case another is called. I’m sorry, Neighbours called the cops on my mum who was having an episode. She had advanced dementia. They weren’t equipt to deal with a person with dementia. This was the last time she was at home and died around a year later in hospital. Moral of the story, call an ambulance and not the police., I am so glad our neighbours were great when my daughter was younger. She is terrified of needles but had to go to the hospital after her eye swelled shut from poison oak. She had a complete meltdown, slammed her bedroom door repeatedly and so hard that the bedroom window broke, then ran from the house screaming into the backyard. My neighbours came out and asked if I needed any help because she was 8 at the time and not so easy to keep hold of if she wanted to fight and they were concerned, like me, that she might have run into the road. We finally got her in the car and on the way to the hospital. Left the broken window to deal with later. Your neighbours need to try walking in your shoes for a day. I bet they wouldn’t make in an hour., I had a similar experience with two older teens mocking my son's meltdown coming out of a grocery store. You had a lot of self-control in the situation. Those people were out of line, and so were the kids., i’m so sorry that happened. this is a huge fear of mine., That’s awful, I’m really sorry. Not the same but I had a neighbor yesterday joke about one of my son’s stimming behaviors. I wish people weren’t so insensitive and ignorant., I live in a condo, our neighbours called security and the police on us MULTIPLE TIME! It was infuriating and embarrassing also my 4 year old at the time was terrified of the police because of this he thought they were going to take him away. So we spoke to our paediatrician and she got his diagnosis all typed out, then we contacted the police officer who first came to our door and logged a harassment complaint with the documentation of diagnosis. He spoke to the neighbours who complained. We also spoke with the condo board about the harassment and they too spoke to the complainers. It was a long stressful process. all this to say I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this ❤️ I distinctly remember the emotional distress I went through during all of this!, Kids scream that’s so dumb to call cops over something like that unless you SEE someone being beaten you don’t need to call the cops now if it’s a adult women screaming for her life or her partner screaming I can understand. But this just sounds like a rude individual that had never had kids. Don’t piss Them off just stay out of their way maybe get a sigh from Amazon that says “autistic child lives here” and it’ll say different things on it so first responders like ambulance know when they get there first any emergency as well. They also make a sticker for your car. Just incase any emergency’s or anything like that. Even if there was a child stuck in there with no parents etc they can’t just break in and save the child… they have to have a reason and warrant which takes forever cops don’t do “pre crime”. Calling the cops over a child screaming is really doing waaaay too much…. Where is this at? Lol makes me scared to move all my child does is scream so yeah they’d be coming a lot…. She screaming getting her hair washed…., “I don’t beat my kids but Im not afraid to beat your ass”, Im so sorry, some people just have nothing better to do. I lived in a basement apartment and my upstairs neighbour would call CPS on me a few times. Each time there was no cause for concern; and this was before my son was diagnosed with autism. Kids are just loud. I get if people are concerned about hearing kids screaming, especially living so close but what they said about you “not beating your kids” is absolutely disgusting and proves they are just trying to cause problems., There needs to be so much more public education. Parents of ND children are judged so harshly because people simply don’t understand what it takes to raise a ND child safely and compassionately. That neighbor is so ridiculously out of line and doesn’t have a clue. Keep doing what you’re doing, you’re amazing. Edit: why the downvotes? (Asking genuinely), You don’t say how old the girl next door is. Maybe you should call CPS because their child is harassing your disabled child and the parents are not doing anything about it and you are worried for your daughter’s safety. They need to parent better. Record any interactions you have with them. Call the police, too, and explain the situation so if things escalate it will be on record at least., I can be off kilter a bit so I probably would’ve been like “I don’t beat my kid but I have zero problem beating you and will go to jail to protect my kid”, Something about the way this was described is unsettling to me. The OP is fine and I get where you're coming from Mama. I'm thinking something ain't right in that house behind you and that child sounds like SHE was the one crying out for help. I don't know what it was that makes me feel that way but something feels 'off' from the way she was mocking and the fact that she (most likely even though we can't confirm) called the police and was accusing you of hitting your kid. I'm thinking I would just keep a firm boundary with them and don't engage. The fact that you were willing to confront them, they will most likely leave things alone because calling the police and making unfounded accusations is a passive aggressive move at a minimum or, maybe it was her projecting some kind of trauma and trying to signal she needs help. I can't say since I wasn't there but that's not the kind of interaction that would be expected from a kid. And of course there's always the 'some people suck' answer which I've come across many a time when one of my kids was having a meltdown in public and I'd get stares from onlookers., Wow I’m so sorry that this happened, it is upsetting just reading about, I can’t imagine actually experiencing that and in your own home :( And for your child to be mocked in your own yard. I am SO sorry, and wishing the best for you and your kids., Yeah, ever since that poor little toddler died from being abandoned in a playpen for 10 days, I feel like genuine concern is a legitimate reason to call for a wellness check if something seems wrong through the walls. This particular neighbor is obviously just an a-hole, though., Right i totally get that! I’ve had a neighbor who was actually hitting on her kids so I would call bc I was genuinely worried. But the mocking just showed right there she was just being ugly. It’s crazy bc I never seen or talked to this girl in my life., That sounds so annoying to deal with! I know they have to go check but it’s so frustrating especially when they know the child is autistic. I’m not sure if these neighbors knew or not bc when I told them they were kinda shocked like they didn’t know what to say. Yeah, it took so much in me not to climb over that fence but I don’t wanna eat jail food, You’re right! My other neighbors are so understanding about it. Those neighbors I only thought a man & his older son lived there I didn’t know he had wife or daughter so that’s what’s just crazy to me lol, This made me laugh, thank you, This is great I’ll keep this in mind 🥰, You are so right tho I had a therapist that I would talk to & she would be thinking I was saying “artistic” the whole time & she would be so confused & finally she asked what I meant & I had to explain to her what autism was like she genuinely didn’t know I was really concerned for her, Yeah the way she kept yelling “officer she’s threatening me office” told me she likes to call the cops so I chose my words & actions wisely. & it sounds like a common thing for her to mock kids or just be a bully in general bc her mom said “what did I tell you about making fun of little kids” which I got that on video recording., She really needs to be slapped bc it sounds like she’s just a bully who needs to be put in her place. She’s a waste of oxygen that girl., I don’t think it sounds ridiculous! Actually a good idea so people can know & maybe have an understanding more thank you!, I’m so sorry to hear that. You’re right an ambulance would probably be better for situations like that & people just don’t understand until it happens to them /: wishing you well hun x, Wow your neighbors are so great for that! My neighbors on the other side of me are great they knew about my kids being autistic & are so nice they never complained about them being loud or nothing. But yes people never know what other parents have to go thru. They don’t have babies or kids at their house that I know of if they were concerned they should’ve just came to me., Mine too! I’m still always so scared of someone making fun of my kids especially if I’m not around. Hopefully since I told them she’s autistic they’ll understand if they even know what it means, That is just so mean! I’ve had kids & even grown adults make fun of my kids bc they did something “weird” or made a “weird sound” they literally just think differently & have a certain way of doing things no need to make fun of what you can’t understand, Exactly even the cop said he knows kids can scream & be loud autistic or not. I’ll look into a sign tho so people can be aware & maybe have an understanding. My daughter screams when I wash her hair also & it’s not like painful screams either so it’s just crazy they said she screams all day & night which isn’t true either bc she’s asleep by 8. Im staying near New Orleans but looking to relocate hopefully soon. The school systems in Louisiana are also horrible about kids with autism the school here wouldn’t even give my son an evaluation when they were supposed to. Wouldn’t recommend Louisiana lol., I don’t know why it’s getting down voted either I agree completely!, I think the girl was like 18 or 19, 20 the most! Never even knew she stayed there. But I’m gonna keep track everything just in case they keep calling., I don’t see why this is getting downvoted bc i agree lol, You know what it is kinda weird now that you mention it, I have never seen that girl in my life I didn’t even know that guy had a wife or daughter! I thought it was just him & another guy I was guessing was his son. & when I mentioned the cop thing the lady said “well she don’t have a phone so idk how she would call the cops” & the girl was probably like 18 or 19 so what teenager doesn’t have a phone? On the video recording I got I heard her say “and I’ll call them again” so I truly think it was her but she’s not telling her parents she did it maybe? Idk it does seem weird to me too., Thank you! 💓 it is really upsetting & my heart hurts for my daughter bc she’s so innocent she didn’t even know what was going on. Hopefully these people will just leave us be for now until we move, Omg yeah I seen that about that poor baby girl I don’t see how parents can do such a thing. ☹️ that’s why I wasn’t worried about it at first bc maybe someone was genuinely concerned but when I heard her mocking my baby I knew it had to have been her & to say I beat my kids that’s not something to just say like that especially since I’m a mother who’s really trying & I don’t believe putting my hands on kids, Whaaaat the actual fuck!? I just read that case. That woman deserves the death penalty, and not a quick one., I had to find the story. I wish I didn't., One of our neighbors (older man) gave me horrible looks every single time he saw me out with our kids because he always heard the meltdowns and tantrums. My son (non speaking) started school in the fall and hie is bussed to/from school from our front door daily. The first couple of days I’d notice him peeking through the windows. My husband was out front one afternoon waiting for the bus and he came out to be a nosey asshole. My husband explained the autism and eloping and meltdowns and a light went off in his head and he realized I wasn’t a complete monster. He started coming out each morning (after he is safely on the bus) and waving goodbye to him. Once my son is off the bus in the afternoon, he comes out and asks him about his day and lets my son play with his dog. He’s now one of my sons favorite people., Who doesn't know what autism is in this day and age, especially someone who claims to be in the medical field? Glad you aren't talking to that particular therapist anymore., I don’t know why some asshole is downvoting you for this because I had a genuine therapist like licensed clinical social worker, who thought I was saying ‘artistic’ as well, It’s people like that, that don’t realize how dangerous it is to call the police for a false matter. Some officers aren’t trained or educated about Autism and this is my biggest fear! Everyone remembers what happened to Elijah McClain., Depending on how old this girl was, she might be getting a lot of bad intel/ideas from tiktok and other places, with none of the experience and wisdom to question it., Thank you. Been a tough six months but getting there. ❤️, I couldn’t agree more, It’s like that here too that’s the south they are cheap they just don’t have the resources. And they don’t want to have to pay for the child’s services and they feel as if the child is a big liability…. If you ever need to talk im here. ❤️, Oh it’s easy to get downvoted around here., That sounds like repeating what they heard their parents saying... I don't think it's the girl. She's just the one with the big mouth blowing their spot as they play stupid., It's HORRIFYING isn't it? The thing that stuck with me, though, was supposedly the neighbor handed over ring camera footage that picked up the screaming it was so loud at one point, and I was like "you didn't think to call the police then???" (Especially if there'd been no sign of anyone going in or out for days). I don't want to blame anyone else (since it's 100% the mother's fault/no one should have suspected anything like that) but it definitely makes me more likely to call someone if something sounds desperately wrong, I love this, people can change (even an old lad), Yeah I’m thinking she was a late teen early 20s & I was like maybe she gets this from tiktok & think it’s okay to do in real life? Idk. It just sucks bc I feel like I can’t even go into my backyard with my kids & she’ll be sitting out there & if they’re too loud she might call again. Hopefully since I made them aware of my daughters autism they’ll understand, Exactly, I can't believe nobody called. Like even if they didn't know she'd been abandoned, the only adult in the home could have been hurt or dead. That poor baby., That sucks. Just try to stay calm, live your life, and record any more harassment if you can. Maybe if you’ve never seen these women before… they won’t be around for much longer? Like family visiting for spring break or something? Here’s to hoping, anyways., It baffles me that none of the family realized she didn’t have the little girl with her & didn’t even ask if anyone was watching her while she was out on vacation? It’s so heartbreaking what that baby had to go thru, Calling the police initially might have been from genuine concern (I have lived in an apartment hearing a neighbors kid scream after clearly hearing them getting hit or spanked and wondered whether it rose to the legal definition of child abuse) but the mocking shows that they are just cruel., We had a neighbour who would call the police every time my tween would have a meltdown. The police were totally understanding but it was frustrating as hell. I asked the police to place a note on the file for our address stating that an autistic child lives here. The cops would still have to come when the asshole neighbour called but they knew right away that it was an autistic child. The asshole eventually moved. I would have lost it if the asshole made fun of my kid. I feel for you., Get and keep a copy of the police report. Document everything. Let the police know that your neighbor is harassing you. And then you will have a record of events to show CPS if they ever show up. CPS came here twice. Everything was fine. They offered me assistance. It was so reassuring., My son elopes. It’s really good to know your neighbors., Leave an anonymous tip saying they have a meth lab in their house, People are really ignorant. She probably doesn’t know what autistic means. She might even be thinking you’re saying “artistic.” Seriously, people can be dumber than you’d guess., I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. I understand calling the police initially if they didn't know your child was autistic and were concerned about your child's wellbeing - because they wouldn't know if there really was a problem, but the response was completely unnecessary. If they seemed like a reasonable person who was genuinely concerned about your child's safety, I would suggest talking to them about your kid and how you respond. It sounds like they are just annoyed by the noise (which is fair, but it's not like there is anything you can do about it) and being petty. Because that is the case, I'd document any interactions you had with them and then go about your daily business, avoiding her as possible. She seems to like to involve authorities, so the documentation will be useful if anything comes of it, but I don't see anything productive you could do now., Wow, that woman (or girl) at your neighbor's place really wants you to smack her in the mouth. What a shitty excuse for a human being., I know this sounds ridiculous but I would have to consider a door awareness wreath but make it cute?! Or a garden flag? A visual que to an officer in case another is called. I’m sorry, Neighbours called the cops on my mum who was having an episode. She had advanced dementia. They weren’t equipt to deal with a person with dementia. This was the last time she was at home and died around a year later in hospital. Moral of the story, call an ambulance and not the police., I am so glad our neighbours were great when my daughter was younger. She is terrified of needles but had to go to the hospital after her eye swelled shut from poison oak. She had a complete meltdown, slammed her bedroom door repeatedly and so hard that the bedroom window broke, then ran from the house screaming into the backyard. My neighbours came out and asked if I needed any help because she was 8 at the time and not so easy to keep hold of if she wanted to fight and they were concerned, like me, that she might have run into the road. We finally got her in the car and on the way to the hospital. Left the broken window to deal with later. Your neighbours need to try walking in your shoes for a day. I bet they wouldn’t make in an hour., I had a similar experience with two older teens mocking my son's meltdown coming out of a grocery store. You had a lot of self-control in the situation. Those people were out of line, and so were the kids., i’m so sorry that happened. this is a huge fear of mine., That’s awful, I’m really sorry. Not the same but I had a neighbor yesterday joke about one of my son’s stimming behaviors. I wish people weren’t so insensitive and ignorant., I live in a condo, our neighbours called security and the police on us MULTIPLE TIME! It was infuriating and embarrassing also my 4 year old at the time was terrified of the police because of this he thought they were going to take him away. So we spoke to our paediatrician and she got his diagnosis all typed out, then we contacted the police officer who first came to our door and logged a harassment complaint with the documentation of diagnosis. He spoke to the neighbours who complained. We also spoke with the condo board about the harassment and they too spoke to the complainers. It was a long stressful process. all this to say I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this ❤️ I distinctly remember the emotional distress I went through during all of this!, Kids scream that’s so dumb to call cops over something like that unless you SEE someone being beaten you don’t need to call the cops now if it’s a adult women screaming for her life or her partner screaming I can understand. But this just sounds like a rude individual that had never had kids. Don’t piss Them off just stay out of their way maybe get a sigh from Amazon that says “autistic child lives here” and it’ll say different things on it so first responders like ambulance know when they get there first any emergency as well. They also make a sticker for your car. Just incase any emergency’s or anything like that. Even if there was a child stuck in there with no parents etc they can’t just break in and save the child… they have to have a reason and warrant which takes forever cops don’t do “pre crime”. Calling the cops over a child screaming is really doing waaaay too much…. Where is this at? Lol makes me scared to move all my child does is scream so yeah they’d be coming a lot…. She screaming getting her hair washed…., “I don’t beat my kids but Im not afraid to beat your ass”, Im so sorry, some people just have nothing better to do. I lived in a basement apartment and my upstairs neighbour would call CPS on me a few times. Each time there was no cause for concern; and this was before my son was diagnosed with autism. Kids are just loud. I get if people are concerned about hearing kids screaming, especially living so close but what they said about you “not beating your kids” is absolutely disgusting and proves they are just trying to cause problems., There needs to be so much more public education. Parents of ND children are judged so harshly because people simply don’t understand what it takes to raise a ND child safely and compassionately. That neighbor is so ridiculously out of line and doesn’t have a clue. Keep doing what you’re doing, you’re amazing. Edit: why the downvotes? (Asking genuinely), You don’t say how old the girl next door is. Maybe you should call CPS because their child is harassing your disabled child and the parents are not doing anything about it and you are worried for your daughter’s safety. They need to parent better. Record any interactions you have with them. Call the police, too, and explain the situation so if things escalate it will be on record at least., I can be off kilter a bit so I probably would’ve been like “I don’t beat my kid but I have zero problem beating you and will go to jail to protect my kid”, Something about the way this was described is unsettling to me. The OP is fine and I get where you're coming from Mama. I'm thinking something ain't right in that house behind you and that child sounds like SHE was the one crying out for help. I don't know what it was that makes me feel that way but something feels 'off' from the way she was mocking and the fact that she (most likely even though we can't confirm) called the police and was accusing you of hitting your kid. I'm thinking I would just keep a firm boundary with them and don't engage. The fact that you were willing to confront them, they will most likely leave things alone because calling the police and making unfounded accusations is a passive aggressive move at a minimum or, maybe it was her projecting some kind of trauma and trying to signal she needs help. I can't say since I wasn't there but that's not the kind of interaction that would be expected from a kid. And of course there's always the 'some people suck' answer which I've come across many a time when one of my kids was having a meltdown in public and I'd get stares from onlookers., Wow I’m so sorry that this happened, it is upsetting just reading about, I can’t imagine actually experiencing that and in your own home :( And for your child to be mocked in your own yard. I am SO sorry, and wishing the best for you and your kids., Yeah, ever since that poor little toddler died from being abandoned in a playpen for 10 days, I feel like genuine concern is a legitimate reason to call for a wellness check if something seems wrong through the walls. This particular neighbor is obviously just an a-hole, though., Right i totally get that! I’ve had a neighbor who was actually hitting on her kids so I would call bc I was genuinely worried. But the mocking just showed right there she was just being ugly. It’s crazy bc I never seen or talked to this girl in my life., That sounds so annoying to deal with! I know they have to go check but it’s so frustrating especially when they know the child is autistic. I’m not sure if these neighbors knew or not bc when I told them they were kinda shocked like they didn’t know what to say. Yeah, it took so much in me not to climb over that fence but I don’t wanna eat jail food, You’re right! My other neighbors are so understanding about it. Those neighbors I only thought a man & his older son lived there I didn’t know he had wife or daughter so that’s what’s just crazy to me lol, This made me laugh, thank you, This is great I’ll keep this in mind 🥰, You are so right tho I had a therapist that I would talk to & she would be thinking I was saying “artistic” the whole time & she would be so confused & finally she asked what I meant & I had to explain to her what autism was like she genuinely didn’t know I was really concerned for her, Yeah the way she kept yelling “officer she’s threatening me office” told me she likes to call the cops so I chose my words & actions wisely. & it sounds like a common thing for her to mock kids or just be a bully in general bc her mom said “what did I tell you about making fun of little kids” which I got that on video recording., She really needs to be slapped bc it sounds like she’s just a bully who needs to be put in her place. She’s a waste of oxygen that girl., I don’t think it sounds ridiculous! Actually a good idea so people can know & maybe have an understanding more thank you!, I’m so sorry to hear that. You’re right an ambulance would probably be better for situations like that & people just don’t understand until it happens to them /: wishing you well hun x, Wow your neighbors are so great for that! My neighbors on the other side of me are great they knew about my kids being autistic & are so nice they never complained about them being loud or nothing. But yes people never know what other parents have to go thru. They don’t have babies or kids at their house that I know of if they were concerned they should’ve just came to me., Mine too! I’m still always so scared of someone making fun of my kids especially if I’m not around. Hopefully since I told them she’s autistic they’ll understand if they even know what it means, That is just so mean! I’ve had kids & even grown adults make fun of my kids bc they did something “weird” or made a “weird sound” they literally just think differently & have a certain way of doing things no need to make fun of what you can’t understand, Exactly even the cop said he knows kids can scream & be loud autistic or not. I’ll look into a sign tho so people can be aware & maybe have an understanding. My daughter screams when I wash her hair also & it’s not like painful screams either so it’s just crazy they said she screams all day & night which isn’t true either bc she’s asleep by 8. Im staying near New Orleans but looking to relocate hopefully soon. The school systems in Louisiana are also horrible about kids with autism the school here wouldn’t even give my son an evaluation when they were supposed to. Wouldn’t recommend Louisiana lol., I don’t know why it’s getting down voted either I agree completely!, I think the girl was like 18 or 19, 20 the most! Never even knew she stayed there. But I’m gonna keep track everything just in case they keep calling., I don’t see why this is getting downvoted bc i agree lol, You know what it is kinda weird now that you mention it, I have never seen that girl in my life I didn’t even know that guy had a wife or daughter! I thought it was just him & another guy I was guessing was his son. & when I mentioned the cop thing the lady said “well she don’t have a phone so idk how she would call the cops” & the girl was probably like 18 or 19 so what teenager doesn’t have a phone? On the video recording I got I heard her say “and I’ll call them again” so I truly think it was her but she’s not telling her parents she did it maybe? Idk it does seem weird to me too., Thank you! 💓 it is really upsetting & my heart hurts for my daughter bc she’s so innocent she didn’t even know what was going on. Hopefully these people will just leave us be for now until we move, Omg yeah I seen that about that poor baby girl I don’t see how parents can do such a thing. ☹️ that’s why I wasn’t worried about it at first bc maybe someone was genuinely concerned but when I heard her mocking my baby I knew it had to have been her & to say I beat my kids that’s not something to just say like that especially since I’m a mother who’s really trying & I don’t believe putting my hands on kids, Whaaaat the actual fuck!? I just read that case. That woman deserves the death penalty, and not a quick one., I had to find the story. I wish I didn't., One of our neighbors (older man) gave me horrible looks every single time he saw me out with our kids because he always heard the meltdowns and tantrums. My son (non speaking) started school in the fall and hie is bussed to/from school from our front door daily. The first couple of days I’d notice him peeking through the windows. My husband was out front one afternoon waiting for the bus and he came out to be a nosey asshole. My husband explained the autism and eloping and meltdowns and a light went off in his head and he realized I wasn’t a complete monster. He started coming out each morning (after he is safely on the bus) and waving goodbye to him. Once my son is off the bus in the afternoon, he comes out and asks him about his day and lets my son play with his dog. He’s now one of my sons favorite people., Who doesn't know what autism is in this day and age, especially someone who claims to be in the medical field? Glad you aren't talking to that particular therapist anymore., I don’t know why some asshole is downvoting you for this because I had a genuine therapist like licensed clinical social worker, who thought I was saying ‘artistic’ as well, It’s people like that, that don’t realize how dangerous it is to call the police for a false matter. Some officers aren’t trained or educated about Autism and this is my biggest fear! Everyone remembers what happened to Elijah McClain., Depending on how old this girl was, she might be getting a lot of bad intel/ideas from tiktok and other places, with none of the experience and wisdom to question it., Thank you. Been a tough six months but getting there. ❤️, I couldn’t agree more, It’s like that here too that’s the south they are cheap they just don’t have the resources. And they don’t want to have to pay for the child’s services and they feel as if the child is a big liability…. If you ever need to talk im here. ❤️, Oh it’s easy to get downvoted around here., That sounds like repeating what they heard their parents saying... I don't think it's the girl. She's just the one with the big mouth blowing their spot as they play stupid., It's HORRIFYING isn't it? The thing that stuck with me, though, was supposedly the neighbor handed over ring camera footage that picked up the screaming it was so loud at one point, and I was like "you didn't think to call the police then???" (Especially if there'd been no sign of anyone going in or out for days). I don't want to blame anyone else (since it's 100% the mother's fault/no one should have suspected anything like that) but it definitely makes me more likely to call someone if something sounds desperately wrong, I love this, people can change (even an old lad), Yeah I’m thinking she was a late teen early 20s & I was like maybe she gets this from tiktok & think it’s okay to do in real life? Idk. It just sucks bc I feel like I can’t even go into my backyard with my kids & she’ll be sitting out there & if they’re too loud she might call again. Hopefully since I made them aware of my daughters autism they’ll understand, Exactly, I can't believe nobody called. Like even if they didn't know she'd been abandoned, the only adult in the home could have been hurt or dead. That poor baby., That sucks. Just try to stay calm, live your life, and record any more harassment if you can. Maybe if you’ve never seen these women before… they won’t be around for much longer? Like family visiting for spring break or something? Here’s to hoping, anyways., It baffles me that none of the family realized she didn’t have the little girl with her & didn’t even ask if anyone was watching her while she was out on vacation? It’s so heartbreaking what that baby had to go thru
Neighbors complaining about noise	null	Sometimes I wonder if my neighbors can hear as well, My non verbal 2 yo son is currently screaming at 1:30 am, so I get it., I don't apologize. I don't have to explain anything to anyone besides my landlord. About 6 years ago I had a neighbor constantly banging on the ceiling, once I explained our situation, they didn't complain to the landlord as often, but they were at my door everyday, even on days my children weren't home. It became obvious the issue wasn't my child, it was the floor/roof being put together poorly. I kept my landlord in the loop about it, and was able to get my unit switched to a cheaper unit downstairs. There are laws that protect families in our situation. Just stay in contact with your landlord, you don't have to tell your neighbors anything, and often times too much contact can make things worse., There’s nothing wrong with apologizing for accidental disruptions. It’s literally being kind and asking for understanding., You don't have to explain anything to your neighbors, but if there's more noise than expected (like there can be with headbanging, especially if it happens at nights) its still a kind thing to do. Sometimes it doesn't help, sometimes it does, but you won't find out unless you try and can still involve the landlord. Poor noise insulation is definitely an issue, but anything hitting shared walls tends to transfer noise no matter what., This is absolutely terrible advice and how you set up a tricky situation to fail. Saying you are sorry doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong, or your kid, but that you acknowledge that your unit may at times have more noise than generally expected, and providing a reason that shows it’s not because you’re being inconsiderate. If people know, they are much more likely to be patient. When they just hear all that their imagination gets to fill in the blanks with anything from you’re just a noise asshole, to you’re abusing your kid and they should call CPS. Communication goes a long way., They started banging back this past weekend. I chose to ignore it because the head banging my son does cannot always be stopped. He’s so fast sometimes that I can’t get to him in time. I hear the neighbors above us all the time I just tune it out. It comes with apartment living. Some people just aren’t as patient I guess., Our kids have the right to privacy, sorry but I 100% agree., I agree, Yeah, it’s just a courtesy. Especially if you live in close proximity. I don’t think most people said I would be intention of making loud noises to disrupt people., And there’s nothing wrong with not telling strangers your child’s diagnosis…and if they don’t say anything affording them the intelligence to maybe assume what’s up., They called the cops on us in the past. I imagined it sounded to them like we were harming our son. At the time the tantrums were really bad. I’m hoping the note changed their perspectives. I am being more mindful during the night and making sure my son isn’t running back and fourth. I realized it’s easier for us all to just stay in the bedroom as opposed to being out in the family room because he’s more likely to run up and down the hall. While this is all frustrating I understand they have jobs and just want sleep at night so I get it., The only advice I gave was fill in the landlord. I don't see how that's terrible advice., Yeah, like to assume the kid they hear screaming way more than they are used to hearing kids scream is being abused or neglected. 1 in 4 kids will experience child abuse in their lifetime, and 1 in 36 are autistic. One assumption is statistically more likely to be correct, so the more intelligent assumption if they have no reason to know differently. Your neighbor isn’t a random stranger. They are someone you share close enough space to hear what’s happening on a daily basis. They may be person who is close enough to be the person to see your child should they elope., I am inclined to think it will. I think most people who call in for that kind of noise are legitimately worried and unfortunately you don’t know how people will react if you try ask questions- especially kinds that insinuate that you are worried about child abuse. If you are worried, sometimes that’s the best thing to do. You know your kid is safe, they don’t know that if it sounds different than a typical amount of household child related noise. Nobody wants worry they could have help a child and didn’t. Obviously this is a scary situation for an autism family, but the flip side is the child abuses we hear about and wonder how nobody spoke up. It makes sense for all involved to be open and honest when the immediate neighbors are going to be able to hear whats happening to provide some context. Hopefully things go smoother as you are able to put supports in place and hopefully have some understanding from your immediate community ❤️, “You don’t have to tell your neighbors anything, and often times too much contact can make things worse.” In the context that this was a reply about a very simple apology note with a very brief explanation of the noise, it reads as if the advice includes telling your neighbors in very little detail why they may hear more noise from your unit usually makes things worse., 1 in 36 is lowwwwww despite being much higher than most current estimates. 1 out of 4 diagnosed are girls. I promise there are just as many girls as boys., I suppose I see how it sounds like I'm saying, "fuck your neighbors don't tell them shit" but I'm not., Weird time to nit pick the ins and outs of autism diagnostic criteria and current identification abilities, but ok sure. Let’s bump it up arbitrarily but significantly and say it twice as common as the CDC estimates, and, that makes it 1 in 18. Even from there, let’s go twice again and it’s 1 in 9. Abuse is still statistically more likely., Bahaha, fair enough, I misunderstood your intent. If that is your advice, I’m partial to the phrasing in this last comment though 🤣, I’m more around 1 in 10 yes. And I think anything that might be abuse should be reported. I care far more about any child’s welfare than the feelings of any parent., And yes, I struggle not to correct things I see as inaccurate, despite the context., It’s not inaccurate. It’s accurate to the best current knowledge, which is constantly in flux, but doesn’t make guesstimates more accurate. The entirety of what we know about autism could be inaccurate. Perhaps part of why we are having so much trouble establishing clinical guidelines and diagnostic criteria that can identify people accurately over the entire span of ages, genders and cultures is because we are actually lumping multiple neurodiversities as one. Either way, all we can do is use the best information we have and continue to research and build knowledge. We can’t just guess based on what we personally see though our own non clinical lens., You too huh. It’s what I see as inaccurate, So, anytime you think something is different than what data and current knowledge shows you just consider it inaccurate, is that what you’re saying? Just straight up erasing the line between personal opinion and clinical data and research. Cool, cool. Very on brand in the post pandemic world., Do you trust the cdc numbers? I sure don’t. And I have good reason not to. It’s not because some asshole wants me to get upset and vote for him. It’s because I work in the field and I know better., Autism diagnosis is a soft science. I wouldn’t trust any hard data implicitly., I don’t care which asshole you vote for. And obviously, data and numbers are much more reliable when made up completely instead of relying on the most recent bodies of research. 63% of statics are made up on the spot, and are correct 71% of the time and that’s a hard fact only 23% of people know. “In the field” is oddly vague. But look, you believe what you want to, every one does., You didn’t answer my question. Do you believe the cdc statistics? I would guess no, or you wouldn’t have required another prompt. I will continue to think for myself, thank you., Sometimes I wonder if my neighbors can hear as well, My non verbal 2 yo son is currently screaming at 1:30 am, so I get it., I don't apologize. I don't have to explain anything to anyone besides my landlord. About 6 years ago I had a neighbor constantly banging on the ceiling, once I explained our situation, they didn't complain to the landlord as often, but they were at my door everyday, even on days my children weren't home. It became obvious the issue wasn't my child, it was the floor/roof being put together poorly. I kept my landlord in the loop about it, and was able to get my unit switched to a cheaper unit downstairs. There are laws that protect families in our situation. Just stay in contact with your landlord, you don't have to tell your neighbors anything, and often times too much contact can make things worse., There’s nothing wrong with apologizing for accidental disruptions. It’s literally being kind and asking for understanding., You don't have to explain anything to your neighbors, but if there's more noise than expected (like there can be with headbanging, especially if it happens at nights) its still a kind thing to do. Sometimes it doesn't help, sometimes it does, but you won't find out unless you try and can still involve the landlord. Poor noise insulation is definitely an issue, but anything hitting shared walls tends to transfer noise no matter what., This is absolutely terrible advice and how you set up a tricky situation to fail. Saying you are sorry doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong, or your kid, but that you acknowledge that your unit may at times have more noise than generally expected, and providing a reason that shows it’s not because you’re being inconsiderate. If people know, they are much more likely to be patient. When they just hear all that their imagination gets to fill in the blanks with anything from you’re just a noise asshole, to you’re abusing your kid and they should call CPS. Communication goes a long way., They started banging back this past weekend. I chose to ignore it because the head banging my son does cannot always be stopped. He’s so fast sometimes that I can’t get to him in time. I hear the neighbors above us all the time I just tune it out. It comes with apartment living. Some people just aren’t as patient I guess., Our kids have the right to privacy, sorry but I 100% agree., I agree, Yeah, it’s just a courtesy. Especially if you live in close proximity. I don’t think most people said I would be intention of making loud noises to disrupt people., And there’s nothing wrong with not telling strangers your child’s diagnosis…and if they don’t say anything affording them the intelligence to maybe assume what’s up., They called the cops on us in the past. I imagined it sounded to them like we were harming our son. At the time the tantrums were really bad. I’m hoping the note changed their perspectives. I am being more mindful during the night and making sure my son isn’t running back and fourth. I realized it’s easier for us all to just stay in the bedroom as opposed to being out in the family room because he’s more likely to run up and down the hall. While this is all frustrating I understand they have jobs and just want sleep at night so I get it., The only advice I gave was fill in the landlord. I don't see how that's terrible advice., Yeah, like to assume the kid they hear screaming way more than they are used to hearing kids scream is being abused or neglected. 1 in 4 kids will experience child abuse in their lifetime, and 1 in 36 are autistic. One assumption is statistically more likely to be correct, so the more intelligent assumption if they have no reason to know differently. Your neighbor isn’t a random stranger. They are someone you share close enough space to hear what’s happening on a daily basis. They may be person who is close enough to be the person to see your child should they elope., I am inclined to think it will. I think most people who call in for that kind of noise are legitimately worried and unfortunately you don’t know how people will react if you try ask questions- especially kinds that insinuate that you are worried about child abuse. If you are worried, sometimes that’s the best thing to do. You know your kid is safe, they don’t know that if it sounds different than a typical amount of household child related noise. Nobody wants worry they could have help a child and didn’t. Obviously this is a scary situation for an autism family, but the flip side is the child abuses we hear about and wonder how nobody spoke up. It makes sense for all involved to be open and honest when the immediate neighbors are going to be able to hear whats happening to provide some context. Hopefully things go smoother as you are able to put supports in place and hopefully have some understanding from your immediate community ❤️, “You don’t have to tell your neighbors anything, and often times too much contact can make things worse.” In the context that this was a reply about a very simple apology note with a very brief explanation of the noise, it reads as if the advice includes telling your neighbors in very little detail why they may hear more noise from your unit usually makes things worse., 1 in 36 is lowwwwww despite being much higher than most current estimates. 1 out of 4 diagnosed are girls. I promise there are just as many girls as boys., I suppose I see how it sounds like I'm saying, "fuck your neighbors don't tell them shit" but I'm not., Weird time to nit pick the ins and outs of autism diagnostic criteria and current identification abilities, but ok sure. Let’s bump it up arbitrarily but significantly and say it twice as common as the CDC estimates, and, that makes it 1 in 18. Even from there, let’s go twice again and it’s 1 in 9. Abuse is still statistically more likely., Bahaha, fair enough, I misunderstood your intent. If that is your advice, I’m partial to the phrasing in this last comment though 🤣, I’m more around 1 in 10 yes. And I think anything that might be abuse should be reported. I care far more about any child’s welfare than the feelings of any parent., And yes, I struggle not to correct things I see as inaccurate, despite the context., It’s not inaccurate. It’s accurate to the best current knowledge, which is constantly in flux, but doesn’t make guesstimates more accurate. The entirety of what we know about autism could be inaccurate. Perhaps part of why we are having so much trouble establishing clinical guidelines and diagnostic criteria that can identify people accurately over the entire span of ages, genders and cultures is because we are actually lumping multiple neurodiversities as one. Either way, all we can do is use the best information we have and continue to research and build knowledge. We can’t just guess based on what we personally see though our own non clinical lens., You too huh. It’s what I see as inaccurate, So, anytime you think something is different than what data and current knowledge shows you just consider it inaccurate, is that what you’re saying? Just straight up erasing the line between personal opinion and clinical data and research. Cool, cool. Very on brand in the post pandemic world., Do you trust the cdc numbers? I sure don’t. And I have good reason not to. It’s not because some asshole wants me to get upset and vote for him. It’s because I work in the field and I know better., Autism diagnosis is a soft science. I wouldn’t trust any hard data implicitly., I don’t care which asshole you vote for. And obviously, data and numbers are much more reliable when made up completely instead of relying on the most recent bodies of research. 63% of statics are made up on the spot, and are correct 71% of the time and that’s a hard fact only 23% of people know. “In the field” is oddly vague. But look, you believe what you want to, every one does., You didn’t answer my question. Do you believe the cdc statistics? I would guess no, or you wouldn’t have required another prompt. I will continue to think for myself, thank you., Sometimes I wonder if my neighbors can hear as well, My non verbal 2 yo son is currently screaming at 1:30 am, so I get it., I don't apologize. I don't have to explain anything to anyone besides my landlord. About 6 years ago I had a neighbor constantly banging on the ceiling, once I explained our situation, they didn't complain to the landlord as often, but they were at my door everyday, even on days my children weren't home. It became obvious the issue wasn't my child, it was the floor/roof being put together poorly. I kept my landlord in the loop about it, and was able to get my unit switched to a cheaper unit downstairs. There are laws that protect families in our situation. Just stay in contact with your landlord, you don't have to tell your neighbors anything, and often times too much contact can make things worse., There’s nothing wrong with apologizing for accidental disruptions. It’s literally being kind and asking for understanding., You don't have to explain anything to your neighbors, but if there's more noise than expected (like there can be with headbanging, especially if it happens at nights) its still a kind thing to do. Sometimes it doesn't help, sometimes it does, but you won't find out unless you try and can still involve the landlord. Poor noise insulation is definitely an issue, but anything hitting shared walls tends to transfer noise no matter what., This is absolutely terrible advice and how you set up a tricky situation to fail. Saying you are sorry doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong, or your kid, but that you acknowledge that your unit may at times have more noise than generally expected, and providing a reason that shows it’s not because you’re being inconsiderate. If people know, they are much more likely to be patient. When they just hear all that their imagination gets to fill in the blanks with anything from you’re just a noise asshole, to you’re abusing your kid and they should call CPS. Communication goes a long way., They started banging back this past weekend. I chose to ignore it because the head banging my son does cannot always be stopped. He’s so fast sometimes that I can’t get to him in time. I hear the neighbors above us all the time I just tune it out. It comes with apartment living. Some people just aren’t as patient I guess., Our kids have the right to privacy, sorry but I 100% agree., I agree, Yeah, it’s just a courtesy. Especially if you live in close proximity. I don’t think most people said I would be intention of making loud noises to disrupt people., And there’s nothing wrong with not telling strangers your child’s diagnosis…and if they don’t say anything affording them the intelligence to maybe assume what’s up., They called the cops on us in the past. I imagined it sounded to them like we were harming our son. At the time the tantrums were really bad. I’m hoping the note changed their perspectives. I am being more mindful during the night and making sure my son isn’t running back and fourth. I realized it’s easier for us all to just stay in the bedroom as opposed to being out in the family room because he’s more likely to run up and down the hall. While this is all frustrating I understand they have jobs and just want sleep at night so I get it., The only advice I gave was fill in the landlord. I don't see how that's terrible advice., Yeah, like to assume the kid they hear screaming way more than they are used to hearing kids scream is being abused or neglected. 1 in 4 kids will experience child abuse in their lifetime, and 1 in 36 are autistic. One assumption is statistically more likely to be correct, so the more intelligent assumption if they have no reason to know differently. Your neighbor isn’t a random stranger. They are someone you share close enough space to hear what’s happening on a daily basis. They may be person who is close enough to be the person to see your child should they elope., I am inclined to think it will. I think most people who call in for that kind of noise are legitimately worried and unfortunately you don’t know how people will react if you try ask questions- especially kinds that insinuate that you are worried about child abuse. If you are worried, sometimes that’s the best thing to do. You know your kid is safe, they don’t know that if it sounds different than a typical amount of household child related noise. Nobody wants worry they could have help a child and didn’t. Obviously this is a scary situation for an autism family, but the flip side is the child abuses we hear about and wonder how nobody spoke up. It makes sense for all involved to be open and honest when the immediate neighbors are going to be able to hear whats happening to provide some context. Hopefully things go smoother as you are able to put supports in place and hopefully have some understanding from your immediate community ❤️, “You don’t have to tell your neighbors anything, and often times too much contact can make things worse.” In the context that this was a reply about a very simple apology note with a very brief explanation of the noise, it reads as if the advice includes telling your neighbors in very little detail why they may hear more noise from your unit usually makes things worse., 1 in 36 is lowwwwww despite being much higher than most current estimates. 1 out of 4 diagnosed are girls. I promise there are just as many girls as boys., I suppose I see how it sounds like I'm saying, "fuck your neighbors don't tell them shit" but I'm not., Weird time to nit pick the ins and outs of autism diagnostic criteria and current identification abilities, but ok sure. Let’s bump it up arbitrarily but significantly and say it twice as common as the CDC estimates, and, that makes it 1 in 18. Even from there, let’s go twice again and it’s 1 in 9. Abuse is still statistically more likely., Bahaha, fair enough, I misunderstood your intent. If that is your advice, I’m partial to the phrasing in this last comment though 🤣, I’m more around 1 in 10 yes. And I think anything that might be abuse should be reported. I care far more about any child’s welfare than the feelings of any parent., And yes, I struggle not to correct things I see as inaccurate, despite the context., It’s not inaccurate. It’s accurate to the best current knowledge, which is constantly in flux, but doesn’t make guesstimates more accurate. The entirety of what we know about autism could be inaccurate. Perhaps part of why we are having so much trouble establishing clinical guidelines and diagnostic criteria that can identify people accurately over the entire span of ages, genders and cultures is because we are actually lumping multiple neurodiversities as one. Either way, all we can do is use the best information we have and continue to research and build knowledge. We can’t just guess based on what we personally see though our own non clinical lens., You too huh. It’s what I see as inaccurate, So, anytime you think something is different than what data and current knowledge shows you just consider it inaccurate, is that what you’re saying? Just straight up erasing the line between personal opinion and clinical data and research. Cool, cool. Very on brand in the post pandemic world., Do you trust the cdc numbers? I sure don’t. And I have good reason not to. It’s not because some asshole wants me to get upset and vote for him. It’s because I work in the field and I know better., Autism diagnosis is a soft science. I wouldn’t trust any hard data implicitly., I don’t care which asshole you vote for. And obviously, data and numbers are much more reliable when made up completely instead of relying on the most recent bodies of research. 63% of statics are made up on the spot, and are correct 71% of the time and that’s a hard fact only 23% of people know. “In the field” is oddly vague. But look, you believe what you want to, every one does., You didn’t answer my question. Do you believe the cdc statistics? I would guess no, or you wouldn’t have required another prompt. I will continue to think for myself, thank you., Sometimes I wonder if my neighbors can hear as well, My non verbal 2 yo son is currently screaming at 1:30 am, so I get it., I don't apologize. I don't have to explain anything to anyone besides my landlord. About 6 years ago I had a neighbor constantly banging on the ceiling, once I explained our situation, they didn't complain to the landlord as often, but they were at my door everyday, even on days my children weren't home. It became obvious the issue wasn't my child, it was the floor/roof being put together poorly. I kept my landlord in the loop about it, and was able to get my unit switched to a cheaper unit downstairs. There are laws that protect families in our situation. Just stay in contact with your landlord, you don't have to tell your neighbors anything, and often times too much contact can make things worse., There’s nothing wrong with apologizing for accidental disruptions. It’s literally being kind and asking for understanding., You don't have to explain anything to your neighbors, but if there's more noise than expected (like there can be with headbanging, especially if it happens at nights) its still a kind thing to do. Sometimes it doesn't help, sometimes it does, but you won't find out unless you try and can still involve the landlord. Poor noise insulation is definitely an issue, but anything hitting shared walls tends to transfer noise no matter what., This is absolutely terrible advice and how you set up a tricky situation to fail. Saying you are sorry doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong, or your kid, but that you acknowledge that your unit may at times have more noise than generally expected, and providing a reason that shows it’s not because you’re being inconsiderate. If people know, they are much more likely to be patient. When they just hear all that their imagination gets to fill in the blanks with anything from you’re just a noise asshole, to you’re abusing your kid and they should call CPS. Communication goes a long way., They started banging back this past weekend. I chose to ignore it because the head banging my son does cannot always be stopped. He’s so fast sometimes that I can’t get to him in time. I hear the neighbors above us all the time I just tune it out. It comes with apartment living. Some people just aren’t as patient I guess., Our kids have the right to privacy, sorry but I 100% agree., I agree, Yeah, it’s just a courtesy. Especially if you live in close proximity. I don’t think most people said I would be intention of making loud noises to disrupt people., And there’s nothing wrong with not telling strangers your child’s diagnosis…and if they don’t say anything affording them the intelligence to maybe assume what’s up., They called the cops on us in the past. I imagined it sounded to them like we were harming our son. At the time the tantrums were really bad. I’m hoping the note changed their perspectives. I am being more mindful during the night and making sure my son isn’t running back and fourth. I realized it’s easier for us all to just stay in the bedroom as opposed to being out in the family room because he’s more likely to run up and down the hall. While this is all frustrating I understand they have jobs and just want sleep at night so I get it., The only advice I gave was fill in the landlord. I don't see how that's terrible advice., Yeah, like to assume the kid they hear screaming way more than they are used to hearing kids scream is being abused or neglected. 1 in 4 kids will experience child abuse in their lifetime, and 1 in 36 are autistic. One assumption is statistically more likely to be correct, so the more intelligent assumption if they have no reason to know differently. Your neighbor isn’t a random stranger. They are someone you share close enough space to hear what’s happening on a daily basis. They may be person who is close enough to be the person to see your child should they elope., I am inclined to think it will. I think most people who call in for that kind of noise are legitimately worried and unfortunately you don’t know how people will react if you try ask questions- especially kinds that insinuate that you are worried about child abuse. If you are worried, sometimes that’s the best thing to do. You know your kid is safe, they don’t know that if it sounds different than a typical amount of household child related noise. Nobody wants worry they could have help a child and didn’t. Obviously this is a scary situation for an autism family, but the flip side is the child abuses we hear about and wonder how nobody spoke up. It makes sense for all involved to be open and honest when the immediate neighbors are going to be able to hear whats happening to provide some context. Hopefully things go smoother as you are able to put supports in place and hopefully have some understanding from your immediate community ❤️, “You don’t have to tell your neighbors anything, and often times too much contact can make things worse.” In the context that this was a reply about a very simple apology note with a very brief explanation of the noise, it reads as if the advice includes telling your neighbors in very little detail why they may hear more noise from your unit usually makes things worse., 1 in 36 is lowwwwww despite being much higher than most current estimates. 1 out of 4 diagnosed are girls. I promise there are just as many girls as boys., I suppose I see how it sounds like I'm saying, "fuck your neighbors don't tell them shit" but I'm not., Weird time to nit pick the ins and outs of autism diagnostic criteria and current identification abilities, but ok sure. Let’s bump it up arbitrarily but significantly and say it twice as common as the CDC estimates, and, that makes it 1 in 18. Even from there, let’s go twice again and it’s 1 in 9. Abuse is still statistically more likely., Bahaha, fair enough, I misunderstood your intent. If that is your advice, I’m partial to the phrasing in this last comment though 🤣, I’m more around 1 in 10 yes. And I think anything that might be abuse should be reported. I care far more about any child’s welfare than the feelings of any parent., And yes, I struggle not to correct things I see as inaccurate, despite the context., It’s not inaccurate. It’s accurate to the best current knowledge, which is constantly in flux, but doesn’t make guesstimates more accurate. The entirety of what we know about autism could be inaccurate. Perhaps part of why we are having so much trouble establishing clinical guidelines and diagnostic criteria that can identify people accurately over the entire span of ages, genders and cultures is because we are actually lumping multiple neurodiversities as one. Either way, all we can do is use the best information we have and continue to research and build knowledge. We can’t just guess based on what we personally see though our own non clinical lens., You too huh. It’s what I see as inaccurate, So, anytime you think something is different than what data and current knowledge shows you just consider it inaccurate, is that what you’re saying? Just straight up erasing the line between personal opinion and clinical data and research. Cool, cool. Very on brand in the post pandemic world., Do you trust the cdc numbers? I sure don’t. And I have good reason not to. It’s not because some asshole wants me to get upset and vote for him. It’s because I work in the field and I know better., Autism diagnosis is a soft science. I wouldn’t trust any hard data implicitly., I don’t care which asshole you vote for. And obviously, data and numbers are much more reliable when made up completely instead of relying on the most recent bodies of research. 63% of statics are made up on the spot, and are correct 71% of the time and that’s a hard fact only 23% of people know. “In the field” is oddly vague. But look, you believe what you want to, every one does., You didn’t answer my question. Do you believe the cdc statistics? I would guess no, or you wouldn’t have required another prompt. I will continue to think for myself, thank you.
Nephew has a lot of meltdowns	Hey for anyone reading, this is a throwaway and I'm on my phone so sorry if the formatting looks off. I have a nephew who's about 5 years old. Most of us always knew he was a little different, but he's not diagnosed. He did start getting a therapist recently, but it's only once a week for an hour. How do you get them to calm down from a meltdown? Or to get them to stop doing something? He likes making loud noises and yelling. He throws his tablet to the ground and other objects to make loud noises and laughs. He knows he shouldn't do it, because he looks at you as he does it and laughs but once you take it away from him he starts screaming and crying for it back. Idk if it's proper, but his mom usually tells him, "Stop! I said to stop! It's not funny, stop doing it." And stuff like that, which doesn't work and seems aggressive, but that's all she does along with threaten to make him sit in the bedroom until he's done crying or raising her voice (not really yelling, just louder) at him to stop crying. Once he's in that mood, he's really indecisive and gets angry if you give him what he wants and suddenly says he doesn't want it. There are also certain things he wants to only do such as turning on the lights or opening doors and he also has a mini meltdown if you do it or if you don't let him. It just makes me annoyed that they have a therapist for him but won't ask how to deal with his meltdowns because she doesn't want to look like a bad parent, lol. It's literally my mom who does her best to take care of him, but because she's older she doesn't really understand autism, she just knows he acts "crazy" (in her words) sometimes. My nephew's dad doesn't do anything either, he just lets my nephew's mom deal with it because, in his words, she doesn't "like how he deals with things". It all sounds stupid, but I'm stressed and he isn't my kid. I'm scared of hating him one day because I know it's not his fault. If there's any tips with how to help with his behavior that I could do, I'd really appreciate it.	I also have a son 5 who was diagnosed at 2. I can only tell you what works for me in my situation and that is to redirect or ignore. If my son were to keep throwing his iPad I would first try to redirect with something more suitable for a banging activity so he can get that sensory input (like using something as a drum or throwing a bouncy ball outside on the ground etc). If that did not work, I would give him a verbal warning , then take it away if it continues. If he starts throwing a fit I would let him, ignore him , and give him no reaction. It may be hard at first but he will eventually realize that what he is doing is not working, but it is best to try to redirect in my case specifically., Stop a meltdown? Sure let me just stop a hurricane and wrestle a full grown grizzly. Same same., >How do you get them to calm down from a meltdown? Or to get them to stop doing something? You wait. Try to minimize collateral damage. If they are trying to escape, let them. Once the meltdown starts it is going to run its course. Most common things you might try during an allistic temper tantrum will be entirely ineffective and probably counterproductive., A lot of times you just don’t get them to stop having meltdowns or stop doing things. If it was that easy, they would’ve already handled it in 5 years. With family like you, who needs enemies? I sure hope my relatives aren’t this judgy about my kid’s autism. You need to educate yourself on autism before commenting on their parenting. No one is a perfect parent with endless amounts of patience, ESPECIALLY those of us who listen to hours of crying meltdowns every single day for years., I know it’s frustrating. I have a 15 year old who is about 6” and 210lbs and still has meltdowns so you can just imagine what that’s like. You can not stop a meltdown but you can redirect (maybe) if you catch the overstimulated signs. There’s a lot to learn and every child is different. Look up pathological demand avoidance maybe that will help the parents. Good luck!, Your post is weird, I imagine so many kids in the world are just like him, the poor baby undiagnosed a mother who doesn't care or doesn't want to be bothered! Or is basically just clueless! Relatives who make comments and talk about the poor child., why did you choose an autism parenting sub if you’re not the parent and he’s not diagnosed with autism?, As a 46 year old just now diagnosed with autism and ADHD I can only tell you how it works for me. Throwing something, looking at you and laughing does not sound like a meltdown to me. For me laughing is the absolute last thing I would do in a meltdown, I cry. What causes a meltdown is sensory overload, for me it's caused when I express a deep need to a loved one and they seem to shun me or respond opposite of what I need them to. It's basically a type of seizure, I have never hurt anyone but I always end up injured, I have punched holes in walls, throw things, smashed furniture, thrown plates of food, you name it. 100% of the time it's followed by 24 to 48 hours of straight up non-verbal not eating not showering not getting out of bed type of shut down. My marriage is at it's darkest point because either my wife needs to become trained on spotting the signs (I pace, rub my hands, then rub my chin and begin to cry) or I need a service dog to watch me but that takes 2 years and like $10k Thanks for letting me vent!, I think a therapist is a good place to start. If they are experienced with children they hopefully can start directing the parents to more help. Plus once their son starts school then school is involved. I would not jump to the conclusion this is autism. You didn’t describe communication problems with understanding either receptive or language. There’s so many other categories this behavior may fall into and a small snippet is not identifiable. It’s a process to figure it out. They took a first step which is great, keep encouraging them., It sounds like your nephew is sensory seeking. He is seeking the satisfying feeling of making loud noises as it regulates his nervous system. I would find safer ways of getting that energy out and that need met. If you notice your nephew starting that behavior, redirect to an adult approved way of doing that. “Hey buddy! Let’s bang some pots and pans in your bedroom for 10 minutes! We can record it so you can hear it again later.” Or maybe “I know a lot of music that has people yelling really loud. Wanna listen to it and try to sing like them?” If redirecting doesn’t work, stay calm and have one adult provide direction. Mom can say, “that is not safe behavior and I understand it upsets you that I took it away. You can do A or B instead.” If he continues to meltdown, allow him a safe space to have his meltdown. A room with low stimulation and nothing to break, if you can. Pre teach as much as you can when you don’t want him to engage in a behavior. “We are going to dinner. There is going to be a lot of light switches, doors and stuff on the way there AND once we get there. We’re not going to be allowed to touch those things once we arrive, because it would scare a lot of people and make them mad. So you can open all the doors until we get there, and you can turn on the lights in the car on the way there and back. But if you touch the lights and doors at the dinner place, you’ll get one warning and then we will leave. If we leave, everyone will be very sad. Do you understand?” Please over communicate EVERYTHING YOU DO. Every thought as to why things are the way they are. Overexplain your feelings and why you feel the way you do. Your nephew will begin to make connections to his own feelings and if he is verbal, he will likely do it himself as he grows! Model the behavior you’d like to see!, It does baffle me how many of these we get. "This child frustrates me. Everyone come do the emotional labour for me."
Neurologist/provider type question	I have one child with autism and one with adhd. We live in the boonies and we got their diagnoses via a Dr who practices out of a family medicine clinic but is really known as a developmental doctor/autism specialist in the medical community. This doctor manages their medication too. Moving soon to a city with better medical care. I'm assuming it doesn't work the same way there, where a family medicine provider will secretly be an autism doctor. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong and this is a thing everywhere. I have a friend in the area we're going to with MS who had her autistic son see a neurologist for genetic testing, and another who said she wanted her daughter to see a neurologist for adhd meds. Judging from the local autism group, it seems a good number of parents have their kids established with a neurologist. When I look at neurology websites though, the pediatric neurologists treat things like epilpesy and MS. No where is adhd or autism mentioned. One of the websites had an adhd/autism clinic in the same hospital system, but the neurologists that people in the autism groups recommend all practice out of the epilepsy, etc-geared clinics. I feel like I'm looking for the wrong thing maybe? I need someone who can manage my kids medications and monitor things that need to be monitored with these diagnoses. Is that a neurologist? Do they all commonly treat adhd and autism and just not talk about it? Or should I be running searches for some other type of doctor? We have regular pediatrician appointments lined up and I know they'll be able to tell me where to go, but I was hoping to call around and make appointments now in case places are scheduling 6+ months out. I'm confused trying to find out where to call.	My boy has a neurologist for his epilepsy. If he were on pharmaceuticals, I would have it managed by a psychiatrist. Currently, he is medicated only with medical marijuana so we just go to our dispensary for that and the pharmacist there helps guide my choices., If you can, check the provider on linked in and see if you can get their professional history or resume, since some will post it. I have adhd and was actually diagnosed by a neurologist. Turns out he used to head an adhd clinic for like a decade before, so I felt pretty comfortable with him treating me. After talking with him, I'm pretty sure he's also got adhd, so he ended up being a super great resource for me, even though he does migraine treatments mainly now. Personally, I'd try to find a well connected pediatrician and see if they can prescribe (many will treat childhood adhd). And then ask for them for local recs. They often know people and prolly have a few autism contacts they can share. And in general, I've found neuros generally have one specific area they see patients in so you want someone who works with adhd/autism specifically. Some do TBI, some do epilepsy, some do dementia etc but they mainly don't do too much cross over...so you don't necessarily want your migraines treated by the dementia specialist. Generally, I've found the receptionists and medical assistants to be super helpful if you ask nicely for providers I don't have recs for, so that's how I narrow down the search, Our son sees a developmental pediatrician - we are in a big city, Thanks for sharing!, Thank you this is so helpful! So it sounds like it's not all that uncommon for doctors to have specialized knowledge in areas that aren't technically their current speciality. I have pediatrician appointments lined up and they said they can and do prescribe adhd meds. I'll do some linkedin investigating and try to see if any of the doctors there have more than a baseline knowledge in adhd/autism., My boy has a neurologist for his epilepsy. If he were on pharmaceuticals, I would have it managed by a psychiatrist. Currently, he is medicated only with medical marijuana so we just go to our dispensary for that and the pharmacist there helps guide my choices., If you can, check the provider on linked in and see if you can get their professional history or resume, since some will post it. I have adhd and was actually diagnosed by a neurologist. Turns out he used to head an adhd clinic for like a decade before, so I felt pretty comfortable with him treating me. After talking with him, I'm pretty sure he's also got adhd, so he ended up being a super great resource for me, even though he does migraine treatments mainly now. Personally, I'd try to find a well connected pediatrician and see if they can prescribe (many will treat childhood adhd). And then ask for them for local recs. They often know people and prolly have a few autism contacts they can share. And in general, I've found neuros generally have one specific area they see patients in so you want someone who works with adhd/autism specifically. Some do TBI, some do epilepsy, some do dementia etc but they mainly don't do too much cross over...so you don't necessarily want your migraines treated by the dementia specialist. Generally, I've found the receptionists and medical assistants to be super helpful if you ask nicely for providers I don't have recs for, so that's how I narrow down the search, Our son sees a developmental pediatrician - we are in a big city, Thanks for sharing!, Thank you this is so helpful! So it sounds like it's not all that uncommon for doctors to have specialized knowledge in areas that aren't technically their current speciality. I have pediatrician appointments lined up and they said they can and do prescribe adhd meds. I'll do some linkedin investigating and try to see if any of the doctors there have more than a baseline knowledge in adhd/autism., My boy has a neurologist for his epilepsy. If he were on pharmaceuticals, I would have it managed by a psychiatrist. Currently, he is medicated only with medical marijuana so we just go to our dispensary for that and the pharmacist there helps guide my choices., If you can, check the provider on linked in and see if you can get their professional history or resume, since some will post it. I have adhd and was actually diagnosed by a neurologist. Turns out he used to head an adhd clinic for like a decade before, so I felt pretty comfortable with him treating me. After talking with him, I'm pretty sure he's also got adhd, so he ended up being a super great resource for me, even though he does migraine treatments mainly now. Personally, I'd try to find a well connected pediatrician and see if they can prescribe (many will treat childhood adhd). And then ask for them for local recs. They often know people and prolly have a few autism contacts they can share. And in general, I've found neuros generally have one specific area they see patients in so you want someone who works with adhd/autism specifically. Some do TBI, some do epilepsy, some do dementia etc but they mainly don't do too much cross over...so you don't necessarily want your migraines treated by the dementia specialist. Generally, I've found the receptionists and medical assistants to be super helpful if you ask nicely for providers I don't have recs for, so that's how I narrow down the search, Our son sees a developmental pediatrician - we are in a big city, Thanks for sharing!, Thank you this is so helpful! So it sounds like it's not all that uncommon for doctors to have specialized knowledge in areas that aren't technically their current speciality. I have pediatrician appointments lined up and they said they can and do prescribe adhd meds. I'll do some linkedin investigating and try to see if any of the doctors there have more than a baseline knowledge in adhd/autism., My boy has a neurologist for his epilepsy. If he were on pharmaceuticals, I would have it managed by a psychiatrist. Currently, he is medicated only with medical marijuana so we just go to our dispensary for that and the pharmacist there helps guide my choices., If you can, check the provider on linked in and see if you can get their professional history or resume, since some will post it. I have adhd and was actually diagnosed by a neurologist. Turns out he used to head an adhd clinic for like a decade before, so I felt pretty comfortable with him treating me. After talking with him, I'm pretty sure he's also got adhd, so he ended up being a super great resource for me, even though he does migraine treatments mainly now. Personally, I'd try to find a well connected pediatrician and see if they can prescribe (many will treat childhood adhd). And then ask for them for local recs. They often know people and prolly have a few autism contacts they can share. And in general, I've found neuros generally have one specific area they see patients in so you want someone who works with adhd/autism specifically. Some do TBI, some do epilepsy, some do dementia etc but they mainly don't do too much cross over...so you don't necessarily want your migraines treated by the dementia specialist. Generally, I've found the receptionists and medical assistants to be super helpful if you ask nicely for providers I don't have recs for, so that's how I narrow down the search, Our son sees a developmental pediatrician - we are in a big city, Thanks for sharing!, Thank you this is so helpful! So it sounds like it's not all that uncommon for doctors to have specialized knowledge in areas that aren't technically their current speciality. I have pediatrician appointments lined up and they said they can and do prescribe adhd meds. I'll do some linkedin investigating and try to see if any of the doctors there have more than a baseline knowledge in adhd/autism.
New Diagnosis - Looking for Input	Yesterday, a developmental psychologist diagnosed my 4yo daughter as having autism. She was also diagnosed with Mixed Language Delay by a speech therapist a few weeks ago and had been attending speech therapy. An evaluation at the district preschool also found that she has some motor deficits, but we're waiting for more information on that. I guess I'm just hoping for some advice and an idea of what to expect. The evaluation was painful to watch because it showed how poor her communication is. The psychologist described her as being "self-directed". She just kind of does her own thing and doesn't seem to understand or care about what the other person is doing or saying. We've seen this in organized activities like. All the kids are following the teacher and she's just singing the song that's playing. Occasionally, she does well, but it's when she feels like it. She uses sentences of about 4 or 5 words. She is able to communicate wants/needs, but she's unable to hold a conversation. She doesn't ask or answer why questions. She did potty train a few months before turning 4 without much direction. She's been doing great with that and has only had a few accidents. The psychologist said she is the type of kid who flies under the radar because she is sweet, smiley, and agreeable. Part of me feels a bit uncertain about this diagnosis because she makes great eye contact, she's very affectionate, she does tons of pretend play. Still, she does strange things like randomly acting out scenes from a cartoon that have nothing to do with the current situation. I know this turned into a lot of rambling. I'm just trying to give an idea of where she is. Thank you for reading.	To be honest I would try not to worry too much. Your child sounds fairly high functioning, and simply has a bunch of quirks. The best thing about being diagnosed is that she will have an easier time qualifying for an IEP, which will lead her into getting some SPED classes. The ONLY thing that will do is help her develop as she ages. AKA: try not to let it upset you, these all are actually good things., Sounds very much like my four year old girl who received a diagnosis two days ago, although I'm still waiting for the report with the actual recommendations. Mine is also really sweet and cute so most people who interact with her don't think ASD. I don't know how I feel yet, I look forward to getting her the extra help in school. Other than that nothing much changes. There is funding where I live but it may take a long time to receive it. My husband doesn't agree with the diagnosis at all and there is no one else I can really discuss it with. My mother goes in the opposite direction and recently has started saying she's autistic (she's not it's just a convenient excuse for certain bad behaviours). I also ended with a ramble lol. , Do not worry too much, I would say the quirks and oddities become less and less pronounced the more they experience the real world. My son began with a lot of scripting at 2 years old. We cut down screen time to near zero and put him in various activities, along with ST and OT services. He is a gestalt processor and puts together 3+ words in small sentences to tell us what he wants. His receptive language is great and he now has very small conversations, although he sometimes repeats what we say to him out of nowhere. He is self-directed like your child and he will only participate in things when he likes them. We use his interests such as shapes, colors, letters etc. as opportunities to engage with him and he's been showing some improvements in terms of sharing interests. It seems like screen time is dangerous for him since we see a drop in scripting now compared to a few weeks ago. We are not as worried about him as we were when he was diagnosed but we will do all his Early Intervention as his parents before he hits 4., Same here except mom is denying and my husband seems to think she's more impaired than I do. Did they give you referrals?, My daughter does get a lot of her scripting from screen time. I'm thinking we need to cut way back too., So they (doctor and slp) observed her for about half an hour and asked me a few questions. Went out of the room to consult and came back with the diagnosis. They then said I'd receive an email with recommended resources but didn't offer much more beyond that. I'm still waiting for this email. Said to continue with speech therapy and mentioned ABA. Entering kindergarten with an IEP seems to have been the main takeaway. , Our psychologist did mention OT and SLT, but we haven't heard from them yet. I'm anxious to get her on the waitilist because I know it will be a while., To be honest I would try not to worry too much. Your child sounds fairly high functioning, and simply has a bunch of quirks. The best thing about being diagnosed is that she will have an easier time qualifying for an IEP, which will lead her into getting some SPED classes. The ONLY thing that will do is help her develop as she ages. AKA: try not to let it upset you, these all are actually good things., Sounds very much like my four year old girl who received a diagnosis two days ago, although I'm still waiting for the report with the actual recommendations. Mine is also really sweet and cute so most people who interact with her don't think ASD. I don't know how I feel yet, I look forward to getting her the extra help in school. Other than that nothing much changes. There is funding where I live but it may take a long time to receive it. My husband doesn't agree with the diagnosis at all and there is no one else I can really discuss it with. My mother goes in the opposite direction and recently has started saying she's autistic (she's not it's just a convenient excuse for certain bad behaviours). I also ended with a ramble lol. , Do not worry too much, I would say the quirks and oddities become less and less pronounced the more they experience the real world. My son began with a lot of scripting at 2 years old. We cut down screen time to near zero and put him in various activities, along with ST and OT services. He is a gestalt processor and puts together 3+ words in small sentences to tell us what he wants. His receptive language is great and he now has very small conversations, although he sometimes repeats what we say to him out of nowhere. He is self-directed like your child and he will only participate in things when he likes them. We use his interests such as shapes, colors, letters etc. as opportunities to engage with him and he's been showing some improvements in terms of sharing interests. It seems like screen time is dangerous for him since we see a drop in scripting now compared to a few weeks ago. We are not as worried about him as we were when he was diagnosed but we will do all his Early Intervention as his parents before he hits 4., Same here except mom is denying and my husband seems to think she's more impaired than I do. Did they give you referrals?, My daughter does get a lot of her scripting from screen time. I'm thinking we need to cut way back too., So they (doctor and slp) observed her for about half an hour and asked me a few questions. Went out of the room to consult and came back with the diagnosis. They then said I'd receive an email with recommended resources but didn't offer much more beyond that. I'm still waiting for this email. Said to continue with speech therapy and mentioned ABA. Entering kindergarten with an IEP seems to have been the main takeaway. , Our psychologist did mention OT and SLT, but we haven't heard from them yet. I'm anxious to get her on the waitilist because I know it will be a while., To be honest I would try not to worry too much. Your child sounds fairly high functioning, and simply has a bunch of quirks. The best thing about being diagnosed is that she will have an easier time qualifying for an IEP, which will lead her into getting some SPED classes. The ONLY thing that will do is help her develop as she ages. AKA: try not to let it upset you, these all are actually good things., Sounds very much like my four year old girl who received a diagnosis two days ago, although I'm still waiting for the report with the actual recommendations. Mine is also really sweet and cute so most people who interact with her don't think ASD. I don't know how I feel yet, I look forward to getting her the extra help in school. Other than that nothing much changes. There is funding where I live but it may take a long time to receive it. My husband doesn't agree with the diagnosis at all and there is no one else I can really discuss it with. My mother goes in the opposite direction and recently has started saying she's autistic (she's not it's just a convenient excuse for certain bad behaviours). I also ended with a ramble lol. , Do not worry too much, I would say the quirks and oddities become less and less pronounced the more they experience the real world. My son began with a lot of scripting at 2 years old. We cut down screen time to near zero and put him in various activities, along with ST and OT services. He is a gestalt processor and puts together 3+ words in small sentences to tell us what he wants. His receptive language is great and he now has very small conversations, although he sometimes repeats what we say to him out of nowhere. He is self-directed like your child and he will only participate in things when he likes them. We use his interests such as shapes, colors, letters etc. as opportunities to engage with him and he's been showing some improvements in terms of sharing interests. It seems like screen time is dangerous for him since we see a drop in scripting now compared to a few weeks ago. We are not as worried about him as we were when he was diagnosed but we will do all his Early Intervention as his parents before he hits 4., Same here except mom is denying and my husband seems to think she's more impaired than I do. Did they give you referrals?, My daughter does get a lot of her scripting from screen time. I'm thinking we need to cut way back too., So they (doctor and slp) observed her for about half an hour and asked me a few questions. Went out of the room to consult and came back with the diagnosis. They then said I'd receive an email with recommended resources but didn't offer much more beyond that. I'm still waiting for this email. Said to continue with speech therapy and mentioned ABA. Entering kindergarten with an IEP seems to have been the main takeaway. , Our psychologist did mention OT and SLT, but we haven't heard from them yet. I'm anxious to get her on the waitilist because I know it will be a while., To be honest I would try not to worry too much. Your child sounds fairly high functioning, and simply has a bunch of quirks. The best thing about being diagnosed is that she will have an easier time qualifying for an IEP, which will lead her into getting some SPED classes. The ONLY thing that will do is help her develop as she ages. AKA: try not to let it upset you, these all are actually good things., Sounds very much like my four year old girl who received a diagnosis two days ago, although I'm still waiting for the report with the actual recommendations. Mine is also really sweet and cute so most people who interact with her don't think ASD. I don't know how I feel yet, I look forward to getting her the extra help in school. Other than that nothing much changes. There is funding where I live but it may take a long time to receive it. My husband doesn't agree with the diagnosis at all and there is no one else I can really discuss it with. My mother goes in the opposite direction and recently has started saying she's autistic (she's not it's just a convenient excuse for certain bad behaviours). I also ended with a ramble lol. , Do not worry too much, I would say the quirks and oddities become less and less pronounced the more they experience the real world. My son began with a lot of scripting at 2 years old. We cut down screen time to near zero and put him in various activities, along with ST and OT services. He is a gestalt processor and puts together 3+ words in small sentences to tell us what he wants. His receptive language is great and he now has very small conversations, although he sometimes repeats what we say to him out of nowhere. He is self-directed like your child and he will only participate in things when he likes them. We use his interests such as shapes, colors, letters etc. as opportunities to engage with him and he's been showing some improvements in terms of sharing interests. It seems like screen time is dangerous for him since we see a drop in scripting now compared to a few weeks ago. We are not as worried about him as we were when he was diagnosed but we will do all his Early Intervention as his parents before he hits 4., Same here except mom is denying and my husband seems to think she's more impaired than I do. Did they give you referrals?, My daughter does get a lot of her scripting from screen time. I'm thinking we need to cut way back too., So they (doctor and slp) observed her for about half an hour and asked me a few questions. Went out of the room to consult and came back with the diagnosis. They then said I'd receive an email with recommended resources but didn't offer much more beyond that. I'm still waiting for this email. Said to continue with speech therapy and mentioned ABA. Entering kindergarten with an IEP seems to have been the main takeaway. , Our psychologist did mention OT and SLT, but we haven't heard from them yet. I'm anxious to get her on the waitilist because I know it will be a while.
New here	null	I'm not sure the cross post worked 🤦‍♀️, I'm not sure the cross post worked 🤦‍♀️, I'm not sure the cross post worked 🤦‍♀️, I'm not sure the cross post worked 🤦‍♀️
New mom friend has a son with autism... don't want to say the wrong thing	Hello all! I am, like many out there, trying to make new mom friends. I met a very nice person at a mom and baby group. We have kids the same age (baby and 2.5 yr olds). I didn't realize when I first met her and her kids that her son isn't just quiet - he has non verbal autism. At our second meeting I asked him how old he is (even though I know his age) and she answered, I just figured kids that age love talking about themselves but she explained he doesn't speak or answer to his name or anything. I didn't pity her but I also didn't really know what to say about it. Tried to let her speak because of course she doesn't need my input! Question is, should I keep trying to engage her son? I commended her for taking him out so much since I know kids with autism can get uncomfortable in new environments but maybe that was the wrong thing to say. She and her kids haven't met my daughter yet but, should I ask her before trying to explain her son's disability to my (neurotypical, very verbal) toddler? Any advice on what to say to my kid? Just wanting to be inclusive and not ignore her son or say the wrong thing! Thank you.	Definitely keep engaging with her son, just don't worry about it if he doesn't reply or give the appropriate feedback. Remember non-verbal is NOT non-thinking or non-feeling, and being loved and accepted just as you are is important to all of us. I would go ahead and explain to your child that your friends child can't talk yet but that she can still talk to him and help him learn how to talk and play. Most kids are naturals at this anyway! I wouldn't overthink it tbh, children are children and they all want love and kindness and that's all you have to show ❤️, Yes ask her for a playdate! My best friend’s NT son has always played with my daughter even though she’s usually not interested and also doesn’t talk. Just remember that you moms can be friends even if your kids aren’t the best of pals. Just be prepared that he may show some of the not as “nice” symptoms of autism too such as not sharing, aggression, even hitting. Hopefully his mom will try to correct him if those behaviors arise, but just be prepared in advance. I think a lot of parents of autistic kids can feel like outsiders of society a lot of times, so I’m sure the mom would really appreciate you including her in a typical “mom” experience., Awww ty for being so inclusive! Yes please schedule playdates. We love play dates even if our kids don’t look or play with your kids. we love play dates!!, This made me a little emotional. Being a mom / dad of a child with Autism can be an isolating experience, so it's awesome you're being so considerate of your new friend. I'd just say, treat her like you'd treat any other friend and treat him like you'd treat any other 2.5 year old. I'd definitely continue to try to interact and engage with him - he might not have the capacity to engage back just yet but that's ok. See where he's at and meet him there. In terms of what to tell your daughter, I'd just say that everyone is different and some friends talk more than others. If she asks or says something that you're worried might upset your friend, try not to react negatively - at the end of the day, we know our kids are different and we know other children might not understand at first. I think you're awesome. Thanks for being inclusive, To the autistic boy, you can try not asking questions, but statements instead. “Wow you’re fast!” “I like your shark shirt!” To your daughter, you could say “he doesn’t talk but he still likes to play!”, 100% keep engaging with the son as if they are just a regular kid. That sense of normalcy is so important to us parents even though we may know nothing will come out of it. When you engage with them and show that you are not going to get upset if you do not get a response most people expect is such a relief off our shoulders that there are actually those who have a level of understanding that we can actually talk about without worry of judgement. Even if they do not respond, it does not necessarily mean they are not paying attention. Their abillity to learn receptive language is just as important as them communicating to us. My own son is nonverbal... but he is very, very receptive to normal communication. I would 100% want you to communicate with my son as if he was just a regular kid., You’re so thoughtful to post this. Wish the world was full of more people like you! ✨, I have 12 year old twins who do not speak. They LOVE when our friends come over. They like to be near all of us even if they don’t seem to be paying any attention at all. It took a while, but eveyhey became comfortable enough with our friends to want to rough house with them in the pool a little bit, and when it’s time for them to go home they get upset. So my advice is to absolutely speak to this little boy, acknowledge him and show interest. He may not engage with you, but if he does it will feel so special., Keep engaging and speak candidly with an open mind. Just like we try and give our kids an equal life (we can’t treat them the same but we want hem to feel the same) us parents want to feel normal too. So ask whatever questions, listen, understand, whatever you do… DO NOT tell her what worked for another autism parent/kid or what you think she should do unless she genuinely asks for that input. We have seen, thought of, and tried EVERYTHING., My son is 5 and we have friends with a non verbal 4 year old autistic girl and although the playdates stresses him out a little (she won't interact with him 1 time over hours) we still feel like it's really good for both of them. Mostly for the allistic kids benefit, it's been great to teach him what stimming is etc. He is showing ADHD signs (she has both) which is what got ME diagnosed with both because I was like hey I did that as a kid and was punished out of me..., Yes, keep trying! Just because the child can’t speak, doesn’t mean they can’t hear or have feelings. Always engage with him., A kid that age with asd (my son is 3.5) most likely wouldn’t reply either but he would do a quick glance to check you out then do whatever he wanted to keep doing. As a parent I would love if someone asked for a play date for my son as it’s harder to build friendships especially early on with other kids. Even though I think most kids just parallel play at that age. I would just tell your kid the truth and just say he is quiet and nice and might play differently but he still would like to be your friend and to play nice/have fun. No pressure!, Yes keep engaging. Autistic people understand a lot more than what they can communicate but also he may not feel like listening to you if there is something more interesting he’s into. Just be prepared. My son doesn’t have a lot of NT friends right now because he is aggressive, dumps toys, takes toys from others, takes things of shelves and throws. We’re trying everything but it’s not working so a big thing if you are going to be friends with her is to know to give her grace and that teaching her child to say not do a behaviour could take years whereas another toddler can be negotiated with. If he has an intellectual disability, it can also be challenging to have friends, but also if things do work out this could be a really beautiful thing, Some great advice here. I just wanted to add about commenting on her taking her son out a lot - I don't think you said the wrong thing at all, it's nice to be complemented. Just from my own personal experience, I don't get many compliments on my parenting and there is a lot of denial and judgement out there. In the face of all the difficulties we have, hearing "you're such a lovely mum" from a fellow parent would mean the world to me. That and party invitations. , I don't think you can say that anyone has non verbal autism at that age, jsyk. They have autism and they don't speak right now., Absolutely. My 5 year old is nonverbal but he still understands everything. All kids will have different levels of receptive language (what they understand). I would mostly follow her lead but always say hi to him and ask about him and stuff., My 4-year-old is autistic but very verbal. He goes to a preschool that is general education with mostly neurotypical kids but also kids of all levels of support need. Some of his classmates are non speaking, some need specialized medical equipment, etc. In his classroom they talk about “having words,” like explaining that the new student doesn’t have any words yet or has a few words and is still learning. Then they talk about what that kid likes so that the students know how to play with them. “X doesn’t have any words yet but LOVES to play with magnetiles! Maybe you can build a tower with them during free time.” As my kiddo has been getting older we have been talking about other ways people communicate without words like using signs, or nodding/shaking head, body language, facial expressions, walking away, etc. These conversations are in short bursts here and there as things come up, but we make a point of finding opportunities to talk about it, even using our dog as a jumping off point (see? When he backs away that means he doesn’t want to be near you. What’s that about? Do your friends ever move away from you if they don’t want to play, etc etc). Maybe a similar approach will help deepen the discussion with your daughter over time as she gets older and you all continue to be friends!, My sisters neurotypical kid and my nonverbal kid are 2 months apart and they love hanging out together. My kid lets his cousin hang out when he would normally shoo an adult away. Honestly his cousin is his mouth piece and he does the talking for both of them. And he treats my son like he does their cat. He slowly approaches, avoids eye contact and when he gets snuggled in next to him he won’t move as to not chase him off. It’s adorable and my son lets him snuggle in and will let him play on his tablet with him. They chase each other around the house non stop and they love it. When you talk to your kiddo just let them know he’s not going to talk and he might not play the same way., This post makes me hopeful. Its hard navigating how to talk to your friends about your child having asd in the first place and though we have only been personally aware of my sons diagnosis for a short period it can be pretty uncomfortable hearing people you love and trust respond in weird ways after you tell them. You showing this much respect for a new friend is a great thing. There is a ton of great advice here already but I personally think you can still just talk to them like any other child and a playdate would be awesome for everyone involved, One of my good friends have two sons whom are both autistic / non-verbal. My daughter was a very talkative 3 year old at the time and was learning sign language at school when she met them. The Mom gave us a quick run down about certain things because neither of us was familiar with how the boys communicated and it prepared my daughter to understand that they wont have "words" for her to hear. Those kids played and she signed the things she knew. After more regular play dates, her and the youngest one who was 4 were buddies. The oldest one who was 9 --well he was 9 and didnt want to be around "babies" Just tell the mom the way you said it here, approach it lovingly. Ask her to tell you the right way to communicate with her and her little one, as well as how to be supportive in giving them automomy. Most of all be patient. I am glad you want to engage. Some people stare and recoils back., I’m y t, You have great advice already. Just wanted to add he will understand so just talk as you would to any other child of that age. I'd say to your child, name doesn't talk yet but he understands. I bet the Mum would love to have a play date, You’re a good person 😭 thanks for asking these questions, With your kids there are children's books explaining ASD. Fun ones too, Sesame Street has one that my son likes. Let them know he's still learning is all. Kids are receptive, they will even help him when he's "behind." Especially a girl LOL. My Nonverbal son always played best with little girls because they're bossy and he needed direction! You can ask the mother to tell you more bout autism. Then you'll be able to gauge how knowledgeable she is, how she maybe even feels about it. You're doing great asking here and I'm sure Googling! With her son, don't talk about him like he's not there, face to face when talking to or playing with. Include him, include him, at his level and tolerance but include him. It means a lot to our kids to be included or invited anywhere. We don't always show up, or might leave early but we're trying our best., I haven't read the other comments yet but YES always try. Following her lead is key. There will be things you can't completely understand because you just don't know and that's fine because it's not your journey. But there might be things like dietary, noise, etc. Autism presents differently for each person who has it. I PERSONALLY would love if someone politely asked me about my kid before playdates or a party. But I SINCERELY applaud you for your compassion for even TRYING!, And to add: I definitely think you should keep trying to engage her son, but in ways that aren’t questions and just more of statements (ex: “I love your shirt!” “That was so nice of you” “here’s this toy”), Our niece and nephew like to play with our sons even if they don’t engage much back 😄, Thank you for this advice! My daughter is more verbal than her best friend so that's a good way to explain it. "You talk more than "best friend", "new friend" doesn't talk at all yet. And that's okay!", This !! I have a 7 year old who is non verbal but he is just like any 7 year old and he understands everything ! Just won’t respond ., > He is showing ADHD signs (she has both) which is what got ME diagnosed with both because I was like hey I did that as a kid and was punished out of me... God damn, that hit me hard in the emotional childhood trauma. A lot of stuff in my childhood made a lot of since when I started to learn about ASD and I always wondered if a little more TLC would have made me a much more successful person than I am today., what are some ADHD signs that you are noticing?, Agreed. Speech delayed yes, can’t really know if they’re non-verbal at 2.5. My kid didn’t use words until he was 3 or so but at 6 he could talk the back legs off a donkey., This. Keep talking to her son like you would any other 2.5 year old. Most kids have better receptive than expressive language, and the mom will appreciate it., Thank you for this advice! 🙂 I will definitely try engaging with him this way tomorrow, Yes! Definitely don't keep asking questions because then the mom is forced to respond, and it gets annoying very quickly., I am 46 and have only met with the one therapist that diagnosed me THIS week. I didn't even know what autism was until 2 months ago. I should have been an Aspie with ADHD but the truth is I'm old and super messed up with zero treatment ever. I had mentioned how I felt so bad that my dad worked a double shift and came home with a smile on his face, then he had to punish my dumb ass for some misbehavior. So he loses the smile and takes off his belt to spank me and the therapist is like OMG that's child abuse that should never happen. But in the 80s it was just how it was done. Gen X is like 50% internet age memes and shit and 50% old school smoking in restaurants and picking switches out behind the woodshed. For the record my son will NEVER be hit! EDIT: to be clear I was never punished for stimming itself, just told no one will be your friend, what will everyone think, etc. So I just went in my head and got good at masking., In him I'm seeing a little bit of lack of focus doing schoolwork (both letting his mind wander to stop his work as well as seeing some external stimulus that grabs his attention). He is constantly wanting some kind of stimulation, he can't sit still on the couch quietly and do nothing for 1 minute. Big problem with transitioning from one thing to the other. Can't stand bright lights, cover ears at moderate sounds and also screams at loud sounds. Won't eat most foods. The main thing was he all the sudden started wiping his hair to one side with his hand and wiping his mouth the opposite way with the opposite hand. That went on for a month or 2 and now when he talks he kind of covers his mouth with his hand. Seeing him do that reminded me I used to do that too, long story short I was just diagnosed with autism and adhd at age 46., Exactly. Treat him like a normal kid. 🩵, The level of masking it do comes so natrual now that I wonder if even testing for ASD on myself would even be reliable. My own trauma was just a large bit of 80s neglect and getting punished in school and at home a lot because struggled with basic tasks. Thanks for sharing., I got my ADHD dx at 41 and getting my ASD assessment next week at 43., No problem! Yes testing yourself can be unreliable because I was masking even from myself. Over the years I would do either the autism or ADHD tests online and get say 48 out of 50 where 50 would be the first line of "possible autistic traits". But now that I know what masking and stimming are then I do the quizzes and I get more like 80 out of 100 fully in the autism range. I was professionally diagnosed and was told it was "obvious" (the 19 page PDF of my symptoms and copies of school records helped a lot). As I dig deeper I find things like monotropism test, and I score higher than 98% of allistics and higher than 50% of other autistics. I thought everyone could think about Star Wars for 12 hours a day 7 days a week for 3 months straight. Nope lmao, Welcome to the club then haha Let us know how it goes, It was supposed to be two days of four hours each for $600. It turned out to be one day for three hours and a total of $250. Apparently, my ASD is pretty obvious if you know what you're looking at. Nice to have some validation that I really do exist differently and I'm not just being dramatic., Yes, I told everyone that once I got in front of the right person it would be a slam dunk. The 19 page PDF I sent her with all my symptoms helped a lot haha, she opened with "we both know you have both" so it was instant validation for me and then we went through the process/criteria obviously. $500 and 2 hours for me.
New self injurious behavior	Hello My son will be 6 in June. Had an autism and adhd diagnosis. He transitioned to kindergarten this year and the first few months went great. Since January we have increasingly getting messages from school about disregulation and now self injurious behavior which he’s never had We spoke to his neurologist and switched him from guafacine to a stimulant which is helping attention in class but the SIB persists. His teacher said it’s usually triggered by not being able to have preferred items. Today he hit his head because he couldn’t have a car he wanted. They are working with him to deal with this but I’m as a loss as this is all brand new Anyone’s kids suddenly get self injurious at this age? He’s always had issues with preferred items but never to this extent and we aren’t seeing the self injuries at home	Yes! My son is 8 and engages in SIB when a preferred item is refused. He smacks himself right in the forehead. At first it upset me greatly but then he started doing it at time he was excited as well, like a light tap, like it’s a stimming tool. So I’ve just kind of let it go. He never leaves bruises or red marks. It’s a lot better than him biting himself which he did for a very short time. We have tried to hold him back but honestly it just seems that it makes him want to do it more. Re-direction usually works for my son especially if you can catch it right before the SIB begins. We also just don’t really give a lot of attention to the SIB, especially since I don’t find it particularly dangerous what he’s doing. I have found the less of a deal I make it, the less often he engages in it., We’re dealing with SIBs, too. My son is 7 and it’s been going on for about a year, so it started around the same age as your son. We’ve been working with his therapist, teachers and developmental pediatrician and it keeps escalating to now we have holes in the walls from him head-banging and he has started being aggressive toward others—he even gave his therapist a concussion from head-butting her. We’ve tried Clonidine and it hasn’t helped so we are switching to Risperdal this weekend. Medication isn’t a decision we made lightly but nothing else is effective at this point. We’re really struggling with it and praying the medication helps., No advice but my daughter has had SIB for a few years now. She’s 6. Started when she was probably 3.5/4. She’s very articulate and has the ability to advocate for herself and she still can’t control it. She hits herself in the head and bangs her head. She started Guanfacine recently and it feels like it’s made it worse so I’m really considering stopping and giving her a break before we try something else. The banging her head had really slowed down a lot and lately it’s been every day. The hitting herself with her fists never really slowed down but I’m less concerned about that right now as it seems less dangerous. I’m going to have her decorate some headbands and put foam padding in them and hope that helps protect her forehead., Praying it works for you guys!! I have a friend who’s son did great on it went from massive SIB to zero. Hope you guys get the same result, Thank you so much. It’s sincerely reassuring to hear a positive experience about it., Yes! My son is 8 and engages in SIB when a preferred item is refused. He smacks himself right in the forehead. At first it upset me greatly but then he started doing it at time he was excited as well, like a light tap, like it’s a stimming tool. So I’ve just kind of let it go. He never leaves bruises or red marks. It’s a lot better than him biting himself which he did for a very short time. We have tried to hold him back but honestly it just seems that it makes him want to do it more. Re-direction usually works for my son especially if you can catch it right before the SIB begins. We also just don’t really give a lot of attention to the SIB, especially since I don’t find it particularly dangerous what he’s doing. I have found the less of a deal I make it, the less often he engages in it., We’re dealing with SIBs, too. My son is 7 and it’s been going on for about a year, so it started around the same age as your son. We’ve been working with his therapist, teachers and developmental pediatrician and it keeps escalating to now we have holes in the walls from him head-banging and he has started being aggressive toward others—he even gave his therapist a concussion from head-butting her. We’ve tried Clonidine and it hasn’t helped so we are switching to Risperdal this weekend. Medication isn’t a decision we made lightly but nothing else is effective at this point. We’re really struggling with it and praying the medication helps., No advice but my daughter has had SIB for a few years now. She’s 6. Started when she was probably 3.5/4. She’s very articulate and has the ability to advocate for herself and she still can’t control it. She hits herself in the head and bangs her head. She started Guanfacine recently and it feels like it’s made it worse so I’m really considering stopping and giving her a break before we try something else. The banging her head had really slowed down a lot and lately it’s been every day. The hitting herself with her fists never really slowed down but I’m less concerned about that right now as it seems less dangerous. I’m going to have her decorate some headbands and put foam padding in them and hope that helps protect her forehead., Praying it works for you guys!! I have a friend who’s son did great on it went from massive SIB to zero. Hope you guys get the same result, Thank you so much. It’s sincerely reassuring to hear a positive experience about it., Yes! My son is 8 and engages in SIB when a preferred item is refused. He smacks himself right in the forehead. At first it upset me greatly but then he started doing it at time he was excited as well, like a light tap, like it’s a stimming tool. So I’ve just kind of let it go. He never leaves bruises or red marks. It’s a lot better than him biting himself which he did for a very short time. We have tried to hold him back but honestly it just seems that it makes him want to do it more. Re-direction usually works for my son especially if you can catch it right before the SIB begins. We also just don’t really give a lot of attention to the SIB, especially since I don’t find it particularly dangerous what he’s doing. I have found the less of a deal I make it, the less often he engages in it., We’re dealing with SIBs, too. My son is 7 and it’s been going on for about a year, so it started around the same age as your son. We’ve been working with his therapist, teachers and developmental pediatrician and it keeps escalating to now we have holes in the walls from him head-banging and he has started being aggressive toward others—he even gave his therapist a concussion from head-butting her. We’ve tried Clonidine and it hasn’t helped so we are switching to Risperdal this weekend. Medication isn’t a decision we made lightly but nothing else is effective at this point. We’re really struggling with it and praying the medication helps., No advice but my daughter has had SIB for a few years now. She’s 6. Started when she was probably 3.5/4. She’s very articulate and has the ability to advocate for herself and she still can’t control it. She hits herself in the head and bangs her head. She started Guanfacine recently and it feels like it’s made it worse so I’m really considering stopping and giving her a break before we try something else. The banging her head had really slowed down a lot and lately it’s been every day. The hitting herself with her fists never really slowed down but I’m less concerned about that right now as it seems less dangerous. I’m going to have her decorate some headbands and put foam padding in them and hope that helps protect her forehead., Praying it works for you guys!! I have a friend who’s son did great on it went from massive SIB to zero. Hope you guys get the same result, Thank you so much. It’s sincerely reassuring to hear a positive experience about it., Yes! My son is 8 and engages in SIB when a preferred item is refused. He smacks himself right in the forehead. At first it upset me greatly but then he started doing it at time he was excited as well, like a light tap, like it’s a stimming tool. So I’ve just kind of let it go. He never leaves bruises or red marks. It’s a lot better than him biting himself which he did for a very short time. We have tried to hold him back but honestly it just seems that it makes him want to do it more. Re-direction usually works for my son especially if you can catch it right before the SIB begins. We also just don’t really give a lot of attention to the SIB, especially since I don’t find it particularly dangerous what he’s doing. I have found the less of a deal I make it, the less often he engages in it., We’re dealing with SIBs, too. My son is 7 and it’s been going on for about a year, so it started around the same age as your son. We’ve been working with his therapist, teachers and developmental pediatrician and it keeps escalating to now we have holes in the walls from him head-banging and he has started being aggressive toward others—he even gave his therapist a concussion from head-butting her. We’ve tried Clonidine and it hasn’t helped so we are switching to Risperdal this weekend. Medication isn’t a decision we made lightly but nothing else is effective at this point. We’re really struggling with it and praying the medication helps., No advice but my daughter has had SIB for a few years now. She’s 6. Started when she was probably 3.5/4. She’s very articulate and has the ability to advocate for herself and she still can’t control it. She hits herself in the head and bangs her head. She started Guanfacine recently and it feels like it’s made it worse so I’m really considering stopping and giving her a break before we try something else. The banging her head had really slowed down a lot and lately it’s been every day. The hitting herself with her fists never really slowed down but I’m less concerned about that right now as it seems less dangerous. I’m going to have her decorate some headbands and put foam padding in them and hope that helps protect her forehead., Praying it works for you guys!! I have a friend who’s son did great on it went from massive SIB to zero. Hope you guys get the same result, Thank you so much. It’s sincerely reassuring to hear a positive experience about it.
Newly Diagnosed first time parents	Hello all, My Fiancé and I are parents to a newly diagnosed (almost) 2 year old. He is climbing out of/breaking every play yard we've gotten which has been 3 so far. He can't sleep in a toddler bed because he pulls the slats out and moves his mattress off of it. He is too big for a crib and would just climb out of it. We recently saw the Cubby Bed and while its really nice and we're hoping insurance will cover it. Are there any alternatives that are cheaper? Or do you have any ideas that we can try?	Can you do a floor bed?, That's what we have now inside his play yard. But our problem is he can open doors even with child proofing., Oh man, that is super hard. :( Can you double up on child proofing? Like a doorknob cover and some button straps, like the munchkin brand ones? I'm sure you've tried so much. It's possible you could get the style of bed covered as a medical device. Might be worth a call to your insurance company to understand what that would look like?, Can you do a floor bed?, That's what we have now inside his play yard. But our problem is he can open doors even with child proofing., Oh man, that is super hard. :( Can you double up on child proofing? Like a doorknob cover and some button straps, like the munchkin brand ones? I'm sure you've tried so much. It's possible you could get the style of bed covered as a medical device. Might be worth a call to your insurance company to understand what that would look like?, Can you do a floor bed?, That's what we have now inside his play yard. But our problem is he can open doors even with child proofing., Oh man, that is super hard. :( Can you double up on child proofing? Like a doorknob cover and some button straps, like the munchkin brand ones? I'm sure you've tried so much. It's possible you could get the style of bed covered as a medical device. Might be worth a call to your insurance company to understand what that would look like?, Can you do a floor bed?, That's what we have now inside his play yard. But our problem is he can open doors even with child proofing., Oh man, that is super hard. :( Can you double up on child proofing? Like a doorknob cover and some button straps, like the munchkin brand ones? I'm sure you've tried so much. It's possible you could get the style of bed covered as a medical device. Might be worth a call to your insurance company to understand what that would look like?
No judgement please	Does anyone sometimes feel resentful towards their child? I love my son and i take great care of him but a few days a week I have moments or even entire days where I resent him. Can anyone relate? I haven’t posted in this sub in a while (a few months.) I posted here when my son was a young baby and I was anxious about him possibly having ASD. Everyone here told me to give it more time. Well, now he is 16 months. I still do not know our outcome but my concerns stand. Some things have gotten better, some have gotten worse. Overall he is easier for me now but lm still dealing with depression and anxiety over the future. Just a small update in case anyone was following.	I have an 8 year old who does not speak, and I am a single mom unable to work because of her needs and living on peanuts following a super successful real estate career (20+ sales a year) Feeling ok about yourself or anyone else having resentment towards your child (husband, wife, siblings) about your child may be natural... But it's a slippery slope and if you make it known you feel this way to others in his family or that care for him they will think it's ok to feel these feelings. Resentment is like jealousy. It's useless. Everytime you feel resentful find a positive or stop what you are doing and hug them. Remember your pregnancy, remember you made this child and they are a piece of you and deserve to be treated with love and respect. If someone resents you, you can feel it. These kids vibe more than anything. Remember being a kid and how it felt when someone was annoyed by you? Even as an adult it sucks. I am thankful everyday for the little life I have and proud that I chose my daughter over myself with each progression she makes. There is no life before her. I see my life in chapters and the only one that matters right now is this one., Feelings are always valid, but they are not always true, or helpful, or kind. They are also completely within your control, but you need to actively manage the ones you don't want, unless you want them to become a habit. For what it's worth, I have had some incredibly mean, unkind thoughts towards my kid during our Hell Year (3-4). That resolved via combination of some serious self reflection and him aging out of beating me over the face daily., I evolved into deflecting the blame, it´s not my kid, it´s the situation. I love my kid. I hate that he has to battle every single day against his situation. And i fucking admire him for the effort he puts into everything he tries to do. Speaking, socializing, facing the world in general must be very scary for him. But he fucking rocks. He´s a fighter., Sometimes I feel a bit of resentment as my 18 year old is foul to me during meltdowns. Literally destroys any shred of self esteem or faith in my abilities as a parent that I had left.. When I see my youngest and pets scared when he smashes his bedroom wall sometimes that resentment comes up. But not for long, I love him so much and the resentment is really at myself for not knowing how to help. I take on board the things he says during meltdowns too much. Things get too much for us all sometimes., It’s okay, we all have those days sometimes. I love my daughter ( age 7 asd lvl 2 with adhd) but this last weekend it was really rough. I felt that way also for a few hours…. But then yesterday she was acting like an angel. It does get really rough for the parents sometimes. I think what drives me crazy is not knowing what the future holds, and how’s it’s going my to be in 10 or 15 years. Will she be on her own? Will she need extra support? Will she get over these academic hurdles? But all I can do is stay positive, and hopefully things will workout as they should., Are you getting any respite? When I am not getting breaks I am a much worse parent. Even 2 mornings a week helps me. And I am at a doctor’s appointment grumpy that I can’t use my morning today, Wouldn't be human if you didnt. But ultimately we do have a choice to not feel so and drive forward toward what's important: taking care of our child in need., Please understand that raising a child, regardless of neurotype, is overwhelming, especially if you also work outside the home, have a less than equal spouse, or minimal familial or communal support. It’s overwhelming and hard and traumatic in a lot of ways. Which is valid. Even in my darkest days (I am autistic and my kids are too, but we all have different sensory needs, and my kids went through a “screaming for fun” phase that felt like physical pain to me), I always reminded myself over and over as a mantra that “my child is not behaving AT ME. My child is behaving in A WAY and I have control over how I respond.” We have to remove our perception of malicious hurt or pain from our kids. Because if we don’t, our brains can easily get triggered into thinking that our kid is now an “enemy,” and what do people do to enemies? They treat them with cruelty or sometimes even strike back. Our brains cannot discern the difference between being physically restrained and feeling emotionally restrained. Often being a parent feels like being trapped physically. When a human is trapped, it leads to terror and rage. And when a small person is trapped with you, they become the first potential target. I say all of this not to make anyone feel shame for having these feelings, but because it is so important to recognize these things. Our emotions do not have to rule our actions, but we must first be able to recognize them and use productive skills to calm ourselves or redirect our actions., Autism is a damn Rollercoaster of emotions. On the bright side, at least I get to ride that Rollercoaster because we'll never be able to go to an amusement park again, lol. My son is 10, level 3 nonverbal. Nothing about it is fair for anyone involved, but that's life. You just keep trying to find those happy moments no matter how few and far between they seem and keep pushing forward. What else can you do?, Hello. Is ok to feel upset lots of time bcs in the end, we don' t know how our future will be with these little special gifts we have as our kids. Initially, when my toddler was just months old, I was very very worried (he used to live on his world) and I won't denied that I wonder what will be in 10 or 15 years, will my kid learn to be independent? Would I need to care for him my entire life? What will happen when I'm gone and nobody else will take care of him? Then I realized something, it doesn't matter if our kids are ND or NT, nobody really knows how their kids will grow up to be, being NT is not a guarantee of independent adult life, in fact many NT kids grow up and never finish school or go to college, many don't even want to work and only want to live forever inside their parents basement, nothing is a guarantee in life, we are just scared bcs of how society sees our special kids, but in the end I stopped worrying about that unknown future and will focus on do my best trying to make my little one life more independent (if I can), Yes, it’s a LOT of back breaking work and stress for not enough progress and pay off! But it’s not his fault he is the way he is and I try and remember that!, I think it's normal that we caregivers have moments like these. If you're getting them more often, I would think discussing with your doctor is a good idea. It could be post-partum depression, seeing as how your concerns go back to when he was a baby. Also, generally speaking, most kids aren't diagnosed until they are a little older, like 2 or 3 years old. My oldest son didn't talk until he was 18 months old. My autistic child is still non-speaking at 3, but he was developmentally delayed since he was 1 year old. If you have an early intervention program in your area, I recommend it. We got our son in at 1, and now he's in preschool and ABA therapy at 3 years old. The most invaluable thing is that I didn't feel so alone because I met other parents of kids like my son and had a lot of support sharing experiences and advice. You are definitely not alone., I do. I don’t know if it’s normal for parents who have children with autism but there are times I would just look at my child and wish he was “normal” or start to cry that I have to go “above and beyond” for his care. I love him to death would do ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING FOR HIM but I think this feeling comes from exhaustion. Plus I’m a single parent with little family support so I think that adds to the feeling of I’m doing this by myself. I understand where you’re coming from., Hello, I personally do not, but my wife does have some days where it's tough. I recommend talking to a therapist and looking into anti-anxietyeds if you need it. Yes, 16 months is still young. 18 months, i kinda thought maybe my son just likes to play alone, oh hes just a boy he wants to smash my block tower immediately. Oh, he's just a boy being silly. He's running away with the book and wants to bite it. But under 2, maybe 20 months, I saw some things that said keep a vigilant eye, and we always were very open with our pediatrician. We started early intervention at just after 2. Which was huge for him and us. He was diagnosed at 2.5, and looking back, is that slow to act? Probably not. Would I have seen it sooner? It was tough to say as some things came out more as time went on. But keep an eye out. Be proactive., So i don’t resent my son but my thoughts on dark days I resent that my mom had 4 kids (3 boys and one girl and no one has autism or at least any neuro divergence that makes it harder to be independent and have social relationships) My mom came from a family of 5 as well and no autism. My dads side no autism either. My brother had an autistic son level 3 with intellectual disability and he passed away in his sleep. My son is also level 3 and we don’t know about intellectual disability but he is very impacted gross motor and extremely unbalanced and low muscle tone as well. He is left side dominant. We know autism is genetic and I just wish I had more warning but you know what lots of kids can have challenges of all kinds and there are no guarantees in life. I love my son but I wish we could just live in an autism community or Villiage where we could all figure out how to help and lean on eachother to help our kids. Like hey this worked for me and this worked for you and see the progress., Our daughter was tested at two. She immediately went into ABA therapy, etc. After the diagnosis, I cried and cried! I was angry, resentful, pissed off, and hated everyone because I knew how our life was going to be from now on! We have been through some rough times with all the different behaviors that come and go! She's now seven and is doing great. Yes, it's still rough, but so much better. I would have him tested when you can then just start doing your research because this can be very difficult and challenging!, I don't think I have resented my son. I have been sad, I have been upset for sure, worried a lot. It's difficult when you have a child that you realize might never be able to care for themselves fully. It brings up a lot of emotions. Heck it's hard just to write this without getting a bit teary eyed. I try to mostly stay in the moment but also plan for the future, short term goals are how I stay positive, short term obtainable goals with progress that can be qualified and measured. It's though so you really have to make your own happiness, celebrate everything you can for no reason other than it's progress and you can celebrate. Sure people might look at you funny if you say your throwing a party because Johnny is eating using utensils independently, but the heck with them they don't live your life., Not exactly, do catch myself wishing they'd not be, for a want of a less severe word, "abusive" to another family member, but think that's mostly regular kid stuff: stealing food from eachother, nearly running over the Baba, that sorta thing, also eating the walls cos pika, that's worrisome., It's normal to feel that way. I've too in the past and my boy has taught me to ge lot patient with him his feelings and needs. End of the day we do not know what our tomorrow will be. Live the moment..it shall pass too., Yes, And in short you may think that you are the worts parent in the world, but I guess you are not alone. I would never ever change my son if I had given a chance..., he is making me a better person. Stay strong, Beautifully written, ❤️🥹, 💙, Wow, I love your comment. I definitely have some thoughts that I feel guilty about immediately after when my son bites, hits, pinches, or knocks my glasses off my face. It's so hard to not react to being physically hurt by anyone. He's 4 now and he's gotten better with time, so I really hope he will one day fully grow out of his aggressive outbursts. On those really hard days where everything leads to him lashing out I feel very defeated and hopeless. Reading your comment helps a lot, so thanks for sharing., Aw that’s a really sweet outlook. He sounds like a great kid., This. Anytime we’re in the middle of a meltdown or he’s doing things that trigger anger/resentment. I just redirect it into having those feelings about us both being in this situation. Not at him personally. Yeah, he’s doing the things that suck. But it’s not his fault and he has little control over it. It sucks for nit just me at times but also him., Agree with this view. It is also ok to allow yourself to feel bad when things are tough. However, kids with ASD are struggling with something or other far more often than neurotypical people do. If things become really difficult for the carer then it might be time to find some extra help. Then it becomes a job of finding the assistance that is needed. We are all humans and we need help from time to time., Thank you for sharing this with me. I’m sorry for your loss regarding your nephew. I agree I wish we could have any amount of warning beforehand as well. Best wishes to you and your son., That sounds really hard and I am afraid to go through it, but I know it’s a real possibility. I admire your strength and hope I can get through it when the time comes., Im fully on board with the heck to everyone. Whatever is best for my son and I, I will do., Putting glasses on top of the car before buckling him in helped, ours mostly did it at transitions from thing to thing. For what it's worth, at 6 it's just a totally different little guy, on this end. Thank you for your kind words. <3. Hang in there., I poked through your posts and we have a pretty similar story of knowing early on that my ur kids had autism and our kids being needy ( it was more more than neediness), If your situation is anything like ours, by the time you can actually get a diagnosis, you probably will already know it’s true and have accepted it (not that it’s not a little shocking to actually hear/read the words). What I’m saying is that the wheels of govt funded mental health move very slowly lol. However. You will probably have times before that that, if your child does, in fact, have ASD, it may be very difficult to accept. it is very important to show yourself kindness., Early intervention is the best! if he is diagnosed.. Best of luck
No pill taker	About a week ago my son(non-verbal) stopped taking his adhd medicine with applesauce. No matter what we try he can tell the texture and will swallow the food but not the medicine. We tried hiding it in crunchy stuff like cheetoes, and softer stuff like snack cakes, pudding, etc. with no luck. His dr thinks it’s just a phase. Any other parents have this happen, what did you try/what worked, what was the outcome, etc? Edit- Thank you for the responses, it’s time released and cannot be crushed or broken into smaller pieces. It doesn’t sound like dr wants to switch him to something else. She says to just keep trying with this one.	My NV son is 6. We switch between peanut butter, Nutella, cookie butter, and cinnamon toast crush spread. As long as I’m ready to follow up with another bite he swallows it quickly without chewing. The Cinnamon Toast Crunch is his favorite when he’s being picky. I hope you find something that works! Good luck., My grandson takes his on a teaspoon of yogurt., is crushing the pill an option or is that not recommended?, Is there a liquid alternative? You could always ask about that. It's a very common problem (in my household too). I wish you the best and hope someone else's tip will make things better for you, With ya.... dreading the day that we MUST give our kid a pill. RFIDS is really annoying. I'm hoping that we'll have enough speech online to negotiate that one before then., Expect I’ll face this problem down the road, and have always wondered if grinding to a powder & mixing into food would work, Not sure if you have tried this but you can use a pill crusher and grind it down to a fine powder. I’ve mixed the powder in a spoonful of applesauce/ yogurt (maybe try something sweeter if he’s sensitive above the tartness)., Pill crusher or ask your pharmacist can they mix it in a suspension, I saw a video where a mom gave her kid Hershey chocolate syrup straight from the container right after she took her meds 🤷‍♀️ my daughter is only 3 and currently not on meds but when/if the day comes I'm gonna try it., We use frosting for both crushed(then) and non crushed(now) for one of the boys
Noise cancelling headphones	I'm taking my 7 year old to a trampoline park on Friday and he struggles with loudness. I don't want to spend a fortune, any reasonably priced recs?	These are the ones we’re using now. Inexpensive and they do the trick. https://a.co/d/5NRPhvb, Amazon has super cheap ones and they work., Thank you, these look perfect!, These are the ones we’re using now. Inexpensive and they do the trick. https://a.co/d/5NRPhvb, Amazon has super cheap ones and they work., Thank you, these look perfect!, These are the ones we’re using now. Inexpensive and they do the trick. https://a.co/d/5NRPhvb, Amazon has super cheap ones and they work., Thank you, these look perfect!, These are the ones we’re using now. Inexpensive and they do the trick. https://a.co/d/5NRPhvb, Amazon has super cheap ones and they work., Thank you, these look perfect!
Normal Preschool Behavior?	I was wondering if this is abnormal. My daughter (4) is in a special needs prek. I received a phone call today from her teacher saying another child in her class reached around her and started grabbing her private parts. I found it alarming and my first thought was that child was being abused. My daughter is minimally speaking, so I don’t know how much the incident affected her. Are there any tips on teaching her to say “no” when someone does that to her? Maybe book suggestions as well? Thank you!	It is important that they informed you. Have you asked the pre-k for any suggestions? If the other child is special needs as well, they may not fully understand what they're doing. Have you asked if the pre-k can facilitate a conversation between you and the other parent? This book is used by pediatric health care practitioners: [https://a.co/d/iIT660M](https://a.co/d/iIT660M) You may find it helpful. It can be scary when these types of things happen., It is important that they informed you. Have you asked the pre-k for any suggestions? If the other child is special needs as well, they may not fully understand what they're doing. Have you asked if the pre-k can facilitate a conversation between you and the other parent? This book is used by pediatric health care practitioners: [https://a.co/d/iIT660M](https://a.co/d/iIT660M) You may find it helpful. It can be scary when these types of things happen., It is important that they informed you. Have you asked the pre-k for any suggestions? If the other child is special needs as well, they may not fully understand what they're doing. Have you asked if the pre-k can facilitate a conversation between you and the other parent? This book is used by pediatric health care practitioners: [https://a.co/d/iIT660M](https://a.co/d/iIT660M) You may find it helpful. It can be scary when these types of things happen., It is important that they informed you. Have you asked the pre-k for any suggestions? If the other child is special needs as well, they may not fully understand what they're doing. Have you asked if the pre-k can facilitate a conversation between you and the other parent? This book is used by pediatric health care practitioners: [https://a.co/d/iIT660M](https://a.co/d/iIT660M) You may find it helpful. It can be scary when these types of things happen.
Not Happy with Preschool Placement	We finally received our 4-year-old's IEP, which took forever, and he is supposed to start school on Monday. I am still waiting to hear from the district about where he is supposed to attend or what day, but his IEP start date is Monday. Well, I missed a call from one of the schools in the district this morning, but they didn't leave a voicemail. I looked up the school, and not only is the school on the other side of town (we live in Long Beach, CA), but it is also in one of the worst areas of the city. Is it possible to refuse that school placement? What would happen if we did?	Chances are he was placed there because that's where they had the availability to cater to his needs. If it's a sped PreK if you say no and they have no other openings they'll say sorry. In fact whenever the placement is meant to cater to the IEP you can't say "No I want these services in a different school." That's at the discretion of the district, We’re also in California (Los Angeles area). We just had our IEP done for our 5 year old. I was reading horrible things about our districted school and IEPs. We switched last minute to a charter school and it was the best decision we’ve made. Our daughter is fully supported by the school and getting the services she needs. Would this be an option for you? Also Family Focus Resource Center based out of CSU Northridge has free webinars about IEPs and parents rights. It may be a good resource for you if you need to additional guidance ., Keep in mind that school districts want to place kids in the nearest school. Having to bus them to the other side of the district ties up a school bus, it won’t be able to pickup many other kids., A public school doesn’t usually call about enrollment unless it’s an auto call. You can appeal your school assignment, lean into your kids disability say the car ride is an access issue for him, speaking from experience the school system doesn’t want to hear how difficult it is for you to get across town, twice a day. In CA you don’t have to send your kid to school until age 7 but the state gets a credit for every kid enrolled and it’s allot for kids with disabilities they don’t want you leaving to private., So you had your IEP? Did the IEP Documents indicate which school hes going to, why he's going there, and if its not his home school, if your kid qualifies for transportation services? (He should). If you dont hear by back by today, just keep them home until you know for certain., First, how far is "far"? LA Unified or LB Unified? You should have received some sort of "know your rights" paperword. Read that. There are dispute and arbitration processes. I haven't ever used them. You can request another IEP meeting. The school placement should have been discussed at the last meeting. If they can't place in your home school they have to offer transportation, which should have been discussed at the IEP. The last thing most districts want is an IEP lawsuit., So, it's not a sped program, it's a majority neurodivergent class with a 1:1 aide. The program is also available at multiple schools in my neighborhood. Our regional center service coordinator agrees with us due to distance/safety, and she recommended that we ask them to place us on a waitlist, so that's what we might do., I don't know about charter schools in our area, but I can definitely look into that as well. We just got our contact with our Regional Center, so our service coordinator has given us some advice on what options we have; they also have a lawyer we can discuss options with., It was the preschool program calling to apply for enrollment. I finally got in contact with the person who called me this morning, and she let me know that it was not at her school but at a school a block away. I’m sure we’ll definitely need to let them know it’s an access issue for him, and if they can’t accommodate it we will either go private or take his IEP and go to the school district we have our office in, which is in Orange County., So the IEP doesn’t mention which school he is going to. It only states an elementary school that has CCT (the type of class he will be in). He does qualify, but the area is a high gang neighborhood with shootings and I don’t feel safe with him taking the bus there., Long Beach Unified, it’s about 5 miles from my house but would take 40 minutes one way to get there. My son just got accepted to the regional center, so I’m happy we now have someone else to stand up for us., Right but they might not have the staff available at other schools., If that’s the best move for your child and family go for it. If you’re using this as some kind of leverage, be prepared to be told ‘Okay. See ya.’ District wide, administrators want more bodies but at the school level, it’s more resources to be utilized. If a parent told my case manager that they weren’t happy with the school and didn’t want to enroll, they’d say, ‘I’m sorry to hear that. Good luck to you all’. and call the next name on the list., Private school for my daughter was the biggest waste of money EVER, they faked all of her grades, I was in a similar situation with my son’s preschool placement. During his initial IEP, the team made a program recommendation at a school that was also in a less than desirable part of town. There’s a huge homeless encampment right next door to the school where they wanted to place him. Guns and drugs have been found at that encampment. People have set fires to the tents. One lady who was living in the encampment had actually gotten arrested for exposing herself to classroom of children. It’s definitely a place I don’t want my child anywhere near. Anyhow, when they told me where the program was, I told them no. I voiced my concerns regarding his safety (especially since he was non-verbal at the time!) Luckily, the district was able to provide me with other options and we’re making it work. I say stand your ground especially when it comes to your little one’s safety. Change won’t happen unless parents voice their concerns., 40 minutes is definitely a hardship and not reasonable for a 4 year old. If they can't accomodate you within the district they have to pay for private schooling. This is a fight you should be able to win., Yep, hence the waitlist., We had our son in a private preschool and they couldn’t handle him. That was actually who suggested getting him assessed., All preschool is private though isn’t it?, I'm glad that they listened and found other options. I'm really hoping for the same as there is a school with the program he was placed in that he has been going to for six weeks for an early intervention program, and it's only 5 minutes from our house in a safe neighborhood., I actually just found out that special education preschool is mandated in every State for free. If your child is noted as having a delay by either early intervention or their pediatrician, they qualify but it depends on the district you’re in. This varies widely by state and town though., Nope, my twins went to public preschool starting at age 3., Interesting, in Canada kindergarten is the start of public school. I always thought it was the same everywhere.
OMG! Need help😳	My son who is level 2 autistic with adhd combined and also oppositional defiant disorder is obsessed with pleasuring himself with a small stuffed animal on the outside of his shorts! Anytime I am not looking, he has something soft(sock, small stuffed animal, eye mask) at his area and he doesn’t care where he is doing this! I’ve explained at nauseam that is to be done in private! He was in the back seat of my car on the way to school rubbing the outside of his shorts! I screamed at him to stop! That is not something he should do in the car! The car is a public space!(I’ve told him the same thing for atleast a year!) Gross! I wanted to vomit! My own son is creeping me out! I have an 11 year old daughter that wants to gag every time she sees him doing this crap! Dang! I’m living in hell and so is my daughter! Why doesn’t my son just stop!	[deleted], How old? What therapies is he in? Have you talked to his various therapists?, I would suggest helping him create a special, isolated place in his room where he is allowed to engage In these activities. Let your child know that you know that it feels good, but is inappropriate to perform in public and must be done privately. Also let your child know these activities are best done at evening and night rather than during the day when the child is trying to learn things. Lastly, I would suggest giving your son something to keep his hands busy while in the car. Perhaps give him a fidget spinner or bubble popper with instructions to use when he feels the urge to engage. A weighted lap blanket for the car may be appropriate as well., How old is he? This should be dealt with differently at 4 years old and 16 years old.., Have you provided him with other, more appropriate stim toys that he finds engaging? This sounds like he's desperate for rewards, and this is the only way he believes he can obtain rewards, which you're now telling him he's only allowed to experience in private at specific times. If you insert yourself as the permission grantor of all rewards, I'd expect him to either end up attached to you at the hip, expecting all forms of pleasure to come through you, or he'll rebel further against you - you may do better to give him more rewards than he wants to keep yourself out of such sticky situations. As an autist, it may be better to provide rewards in the form of puzzles - if you can find puzzles that he can solve easily/repeatedly but that he can still feel challenged by - that would likely help considerably. You might also consider putting him on an MAOB-inhibitor combined with ECGC or L-theanine to help with his depression, anxiety, avolition, and defiance issues, and resolving these may reduce his desperate attempts at masturbation. Buying him a fleshlight or some other masturbator would likely be healthier than a stuffed toy, and showing him how to clean it properly and giving him a secret safe-place to hide it and leave it to dry between sessions might help encourage him not to take it with him to public places., I’ll totally try that! Thank you! thank you! Thank you!, 13 is how old he is and he is in therapy now and medicated., Yea. The therapist knows, Awesome suggestions. Will do! Much appreciated 👍, 13 but mentally he is about 8
Odd behaviors in six-month old. We're concerned. Too early to start intervention at home?	TL;DR: Our six-month old son, while meeting his milestones on paper, is exhibiting some concerning behaviors (hand flapping, occasional lapses in attention). We can’t get him in to be seen by his provider for another month-and-a-half. *Are there activities/therapies/play strategies we can start doing now to help our guy with his communication/attention issues?* —————————— Summary: I’m nervous that my very young son (he is six months old) is showing signs of autism. Disclaimer: We're scared, confused, and (this is probably relevant) new at this as first time parents. *We understand that no one here is able to make a diagnosis or provide medical direction or advice; we are simply looking for insights, thoughts, and personal anecdotes. We do have an appointment with H’s primary care provider to discuss our concerns, but this appointment isn’t for another month and a half.* Situation: While our six-month old son (we’ll call him "H") is meeting all of his milestones so far (according to a self-administered taking of the ASQ-3 for six month olds), there are some concerns we have about his development. The thinking is that, by addressing these concerns now while he's quite young, we can set H up for a better experience as he grows. If he is diagnosed down the line, perhaps we can take comfort in the fact that we've given him a solid foundation to start professional therapy with. *Here are the encouraging things:* * As mentioned above, H is (mostly) meeting all his age-appropriate milestones. He sits up without assistance, is beginning to crawl (backwards now, but it won't be long before he's mastered forward motion), and will spend a fair amount of time babbling each day (i.e. "nanananana", "gagoo gagoo", raspberries, etc.). He has no trouble eating, and is otherwise quite the healthy little brickhouse (above 90th percentile in all relevant body measurements). *Here are the concerns:* * Hand flapping, specifically as he is playing with toys. I'm unable to upload a video, but essentially H has, within the past two weeks or so, began opening and closing his hands repeatedly, especially as he plays with toys. In addition, he'll rotate his hands on his wrists, almost as if he is conducting an orchestra. We understand that this behavior can be a red flag for autism. * Some attention issues. H is generally pretty good with eye contact and returning smiles with us (he LOVES when we play peek-a-boo with him and laughs up a storm), but it seems like we have to "work" at getting his attention/smile maybe 20-30% of the time, as he’ll be engrossed in a toy or looking at something else of interest (i.e our cat or our chickens). He also isn’t fond of sitting still for some activities, such as reading or playing on his back. * Some communication issues. While H will often babble (as noted above), he has not yet shown any sign of mimicking us, and has not begun pointing or gesturing. He's also begun making this odd, repeating grunting noise ("ehhh, ehhh, ehhh") *Question:* We understand that H is still young, and that there will be time to deal with any issues should they arise. However, we also know that early intervention is critical when dealing with developmental delays, and that the earlier we can start working on these developmental issues the better chance H has for a positive outcome. H has his appointment with his pediatrician in late May. We’ve only recently starting wading into the world of ABA and ESDM, but it all seems quite overwhelming. If there was like a list of play activities we could start doing that would be incredible. *Until our appointment, what kind of activities can we engage in with H to encourage development in communication and attention skills?* Thanks, everyone. We know this is a lot, but we’re genuinely scared and wanting to do right by our little guy. If this is the wrong forum to post this, please do let me know. We're freaked, and not sure where to turn to, so if there's a more appropriate channel to turn to, we're happy to go there.	Waaayyyy too young to know for sure. Continue to engage with him as usual and try not to worry about it., Honestly I think 6 months is too young. At 6 months we could never have predicted my kid was autistic, he was meeting every milestone. It was only around 16/17 months when he showed signs of being on the spectrum. I know some parents say they always knew but honestly I would say enjoy your baby now and don’t let worry consume you. In about 6 months - 1 year you will know if you indeed need to do any interventions., Those are normal behaviours for his age, and he's meeting all milestones thus far If they regress severely in all areas then worry, till then try and relax and enjoy your baby they are small for such a short time I'd advise getting the chicken pox vaccine as soon as they are old enough. My son had chicken pox severely at 10 months and I believe this triggered his regression. They have to be 12 months to have the vaccine I think, [deleted], There is nothing for you to do this early. Nothing you said was concerning. Sit tight., The best activities you can do with your baby are going to be the exact same things you’d do with a typical 6 month old. Lots of face-to-face interaction, lots of narrating your day (we’re getting dressed, here’s your shirt, here’re your pants, is that the dinosaur? etc. Basically modeling your language for them to learn speech patterns). Work on gross motor skills as well even if they don’t seem to be behind. I know we all say it’s too early to tell if you’ve got something going on, and it’s true, but if you really are worried then just make sure they get as much love and attention you can give. You can also ask your pediatrician for a referral to an early intervention team and get an evaluation done. That’s the first step for any child with any sort of delays. Best of luck!, No one here can tell you if your kid has autism. You are anxious and I understand that. I was in your position once. However if you take a step back, you might see that this post is disrespectful to this community. This community is for support, not to validate or reassure you of your concerns. You need to address your concerns with your child’s doctor., These are normal behaviors for the age, Nothing concerning here. It's normal for young kids not to pay attention all the time, and hand flapping is typical behavior until after age three. You're devoting an awful lot of mental real estate to this without much reason. We didn't even notice anything different about our son until he was about a year old, and that was highly restricted eating due to sensory processing issues, so it didn't ping our "autism" radar. We certainly noted that he was highly rigid about how his toys had to be arranged and very interested in spinning objects, I guess that was apparent by around 18 months, but we attributed it to anxiety around delayed speech. Even then, he scored consistently in the "monitor" range on the MCHAT until he was nearly three years old. I have looked back at videos we took of him, and you can't even start to see the signs by observation until around two years old. Since my son is verbal, it took us a while to figure out he wasn't using much pragmatic or expressive speech. He then had a major skill regression around age 2.75. So you see... you have much more time and many more signs before you need to start worrying. There are certainly kids who start to show these signs at a younger age, but not at six months. I will note that you have a higher chance of having a kid with autism if you have ADHD, which I didn't know, and also you have a higher chance with any history of mental illness in the family (of any kind), and ALSO you have a higher chance if you come from a family of engineers. I wish I would have known all that because I expected literally any other issue besides autism. And I never really sat down and thought about it but my grandfather, an engineer, is almost certainly autistic himself. We had a funny conversation about that because he didn't understand why we were worried -- "I was the same way!" So yes, genetically this should be on your radar in a vague sort of way, but it's not at all time to worry yet., None of what you describe is odd behavior for a six-month old…. Unless you have a lot of neurodivergence in your family (autism, ADHD, processing disorders like dyslexia etc) there probably isn’t any reason to be worried. Everything you mentioned is age appropriate development. Hand flapping for example is only an possible sign of autism if your child doesn’t grow out of it… Your kiddo is only 6 months old and slowly figuring out how their body works etc. The most important time frame for early intervention based on the studies is from age 2 to 3 so you can relax a bit. A lot of places that offer autism services around where I live wouldn’t be interested in even talking to you about your child till he is nearing 2 years old., Hand flapping is normal baby behaviour until around 2. Hand flapping does not equal autism. Pointing is like an 11-16 month old ish milestone Everything sounds normal. Honestly there is nothing to worry about here., It is never too early to do Floor Time or Play Therapy. It is basically getting down on the floor and playing with your child on your own living room carpet. * Stay engaged in what your child is doing. Do things they like. * Make sure to comment on what they are doing, even if they don’t continue the conversation. * Try to mirror and imitate your child as a way to help them feel more comfortable and secure in their play * Add simple, small actions. If you are playing with toy cars and your child is driving their car around, consider adding a sound effect with yours! Remember, it’s all about baby steps! Don’t try to push them too far and always meet them at their current level. Have fun., The only thing that’s even slightly concerning is the hand flapping but it’s really too young to tell at this age as he could outgrow that and not have any other traits. The attention issues (which sound mild) and not mimicking aren’t really concerning at this point. Lack of imitation becomes more of a concern after a year., I feel like I could’ve written this post myself! My LO is 6.5 months, started the hand flapping/orchestra thing about 3 weeks ago and instead of babbling does repeated grunting noises very similar to what you’ve described! Also if we’re holding him or up close he won’t look at us, but will respond from far and sometimes smile from afar. Interested to see what people say! It’s very different to how my toddler was at that age so I’m constantly on the lookout wondering why my baby often gives me a blank face or looks away in a second., Are you or your partner or someone in your family autistic? Asking because its heredatiry.. Only then would I be looking for signs from early on. But in all honesty these are all normal things for 6 month olds to do. Do not expect clear communication and a long attention span from a 6 month old baby. And they are learning how to control their body in that first year so there will be allot of repeating the same motions over and over until they get the hang of it. Even small motions like "hand flapping." I would try and just enjoy him.. He doesnt sound like he needs any therapy, and when and if the time comes that he will, then at that moment in time it will be early enough. I dont think you can set a good foundation at this age by getting him into any kind of therapy early. Being first time parents is rough.. You want to do it right! Big hugs!!, He is too young to be pointing. I wouldn’t worry unless he is not responding to his name at 12 months and not trying to get your attention, The earliest my clinic started working with a kiddo was at 9 months old. They were a younger sibling of an older child diagnosed with ASD and the parents thought it couldn't hurt for the clinic to start working with the 9 month old, just in case they went on to have ASD. I'm not sure if the 9 month old was ultimately diagnosed with ASD. You could call around and see if a clinic would be open to working with your child (it would likely be all out of pocket for you with no diagnosis), but honestly there is a lot of time to start early intervention if your child does have ASD. I'd recommend continuing to monitor the situation, but try your best not to worry about this for the time being. Enjoy this time with your baby. It's such a special time and one you'll never get back, so try not to worry too much about what might be (there will be plenty of time for that). Wishing you and your family all the best., My son met most of his milestones between 6-18mo, but the most odd behaviors that concerned us were: •tip-toeing / bouncing and walking on his toes when excited •climbed everything and anything •particularities with food / gravitating towards crunchy foods and only blueberries for a long stretch of time •hyperfixating attention: he would zoom in on a toy he liked and then would play with it nonstop for hours, drooling continuously and he couldn't hear or notice us. •only parallel playing with his playdates or zoomed into something where he didn't engage with anyone He started around the 10month mark and it became very noticeable around the 18mo mark. He started lining toys up and playing with them in a specific order/pattern by 2yrs. I would recommend from our own experience to just film behaviors that seem concerning and write it down in a "log" type journal. Most of these behaviors are age appropriate. You have to observe how long these behaviors go on for. It is never too early to start intervention at home. If anything at the very minimum of starting interventions, you will have a much more gentle and firm parenting style and it will help you to understand/decipher your child's needs and help your child communicate., does your child cry very frequently or does he barely cry at all even when in typically distressing situations? either one of those are the only possible "signs" that a baby that young can show for autism but its still too young to know. babies that young naturally have attention issues because their brains are essentially mush. keep doing what you're doing and check back in 15-18 months and if he still shows significant signs of autism you can do the M-CHAT and if he scores for high risk by then you can push for an assessment., Seems too early. I remember when my son was 12- months he was saying "mama dada" and "nana" for banana. He also said "ut-oh" when he dropped his bike. But around 14-16 months I started noticing him regressing. It took almost a year and a half from then to secure an official diagnosis and start services. It's not the same for any 2 people but generally it's agreed that before a year old it's too early to really tell., Hand flapping can be an early sign but sooo many neurotypical babies do that at this age too- this is why they won’t even consider it at this age. 6m is too young to be looking at gestures. Particularly pointing- most babies don’t start pointing until 10-12 months. I would actually be shocked if a 6 month old was doing this- it would not be typical., You can definitely see signs at 6 months. I personally suspected by 6 months. My son is in several research studies and has been tracked closely. By 18 months he got his official diagnosis, and confirmation of my suspicion. I recommend going to this site, it's free and ran by Florida State University. https://my.babynavigator.com/ My son has had early intervention through https://helpmegrownational.org/, if you are state side. It's public services. They are doing more and studies to catch early signs of autism, they are subtle, but they can bee seen., I think you're over thinking and going to miss out on a wondrous time on your child's life. Sit down, calm down, and watch. Those are normal 6 month old behaviors., 6 months is too early for a diagnosis I believe but in my personal experience there are signs to watch for. Our son was diagnosed at age 3 1/2 ….. I remember when he was about 8 months old a friend of mine told me she was concerned he had autism because he would grunt a lot & had missed several milestones ( rolling over/tummy time never happened, we also experienced major speech delay ) kinda crazy know looking back I didn’t believe her at the time….. but as parents If something seems off we are their voice. 💕🫶🏼❤️, Maybe take a step back, there are no interventions at this time. Baby just needs your love. Might be worth checking in on yourself. It wasn’t until we’ll after my kids 2nd birthday did I realize I had a little postpartum anxiety, Thank you, that's good to hear that these are normal behaviors. There's a lot of hay made online about the "danger sign" of hand-waving/flapping. As first-time parents, it really got us concerned., Point definitely taken, and apologies if my post was insensitive; in no way would I deem a diagnosis as catastrophic or as a banishment to the back of the line. I should have clarified that, as someone diagnosed with severe ADHD in the first grade, I know very well how important early and thorough intervention was to my own development. If my son were to be diagnosed, my hope is that we would be prepared to equip him to his reality as soon as possible. In other words, we certainly don't want to change him; we want to do whatever we can to help him flourish. Part of my ADHD has manifested as OCD (especially health anxiety), so I feel like I can come at these types of things with a tone of panic. Again, my apologies if I came across that way., Thanks. These posts are getting insulting. “My child has reached all of their milestones but doesn’t give me 100% of their attention 100% of the time at SIX MONTHS” does not belong here, What skills regression did your LO have at 2.75?, Hand flapping is normal for babies., That's very interesting that you mention the up close vs. far away looking; that's our guy to a tee. He maintains eye contact and loves to play peekaboo from far away/across the room, but isn't as engaged when we're close., Encouraging words; thank you! And good question! No one in our extended families has autism, although I was diagnosed with ADHD when quite young (first grade)., This is their 16 early signs by 16 months. https://babynavigator.com/16-early-signs-of-autism-by-16-months-download-print/ Honestly with just the few things you mentioned, it's hard to say. This 16 signs are researched and better predictors. We never did ABA for either of our kids. We always just do OT, Speech, PT, food therapies, etc. ABA isn't something i advocate for. Autism is our normal. My husband and I are both autistic, so having kids like us is expected. It's not something we worry about. I certainly wouldn't be concerned about services, unless they are developmentally delayed., Honestly I don’t understand the general panic regarding hand flapping. I totally understand how scary being a new parent is and I am not faulting you for your concerns at all. But like another commenter said, neurotypical kids can stim too, including hand flapping, it’s just generally at a lower frequency and intensity than ND kids. And even if it was autism, that’s one of the like, least harmful stims. Mine does it, whenever she’s really happy or excited, idk it’s pretty fucking adorable to be able to see how happy she is, if that makes sense, Yes, its a danger sign but that just means start paying attention for any other signs or developmental delays. Hand flapping in itself does not mean Autism. You generally can't do anything either way until around 15-18 months. We just got our third child diagnosed. That's 3 out of 4 diagnosed ASD. Statistics alone say child #4 is very likely ASD. We are veterans at this point and are seeing some signs. Yet, what can we do? Its too early because he's only 14 months old. We had him put on the waiting list for the developmental pediatrician 6 months ago to get that leg up, and will contact early intervention if/when he is 18 months old and not meeting milestones., Neurotypical people stim (hand flapping is one type of stim) as well as neurodiverse people, That hand flapping you think you see could be him trying to clap. My baby girl (she’s 12 months now) she was trying to clap but she couldn’t quite figure out how to connect her hands together. We worked on it for like 3 weeks and she now can clap fully. I think 6 months is too young to tell. It sounds like normal behavior to me. My middle daughter has an educational dx by her school with autism so she can get speech .She was speech delayed and didn’t talk until she was almost 4. She’s in a regular class and gets speech now. She speaks fully and does very well in school. She’s a little quirky and particular about things but she’s a good girl. I really have paid attention to my youngest daughter’s milestones now and she’s hit all of them. If you’re concerned still I’d make a doctors appointment and ask. That’s also good your soon is babbling and likes to play/ interact with you. I would advise though not to let your son watch tv. My middle did and I feel like that also contributed to her speech delay. I don’t let my 1 year old watch tv /YouTube/videos at all. I stay home and I don’t even have the tv on that much bc I don’t want her watching it. I don’t think it effects all kids the same way but I think too much screen time is not good especially for a baby or younger child. Good luck and I would speak with your doctor when your next appointment is., If there is one thing I would have done differently with my autistic kid at the 6 month mark, it would have been to start baby sign language early. He's getting pretty verbal at age 3 right now, but he mostly used signs for much of his 2nd year of life. I have another baby who is probably typically developing, and we started sign language early, and there was definitely no down side, as it's been helpful in every way to make it easier to take care of her., Agreed, Mostly verbal. He started daycare at age 2.5 and had a significant increase in spontaneous language and he also seemed way more willing to try and do things for himself, but it only lasted a few months, and he's back to where he was before, which is mostly echolalia, one or two words or a memorized phrase, and not wanting to do things for himself. He also experienced a sudden decrease in the amount of food he was willing to eat, and he already has pediatric feeding disorder/restricted eating, so this is not great. For the most part, it's not that we've seen no progress, but just slow progress. Lately, for example, he's started saying "Mama" and "Daddy" a lot more often and he feels more... I dunno, relationally aware. I am pretty sure he's on the verge of reading, too. So there are setbacks alongside progress. Classic case of "uneven development.", Be on top of this then. ADHD might be in the cards for your LO, My son is 7 and level 3. Background info, he's adopted and we aren't sure what the behaviors before 6 were like. He recently started hand flapping when excited and I love it. It is so adorable., Hard disagree. My son started receiving EI in New York at 6 months. It greatly impacted his development - and though he was dx’ed with Autism at 2- he ‘graduated’ from all interventions prior to kindergarten and is in a normal classroom with some support. Not getting intervention until 18 months is losing out on chances to impact crawling/walking/first words., Just curious how long did it take both of your children to pick up on the sign language?, Was he missing his milestones by then like not crawling or sitting up? Yes, I should have clarified. I assumed they're hitting their milestones otherwise because hand flapping was their only stated concern. That would be my last concern if my child wasn't crawling. The reason its 18 months for us is all our kids hit those crawl/situp/walk milestones on time. Even the non verbal level 3 child had first words before her regression. So its the 18 month "do they speak 5 words?" milestone that gets them in., Approximately 3-5 exposures per sign? For instance, I explain to the child that they can sign "more" for more of a snack / food at meal time (when it's something they really like and we're pretty sure they want more), demonstrating the sign while saying the word at the same time a couple of times. (We also do baby led weaning with both.) If they don't immediately copy, we do hand-over-hand shaping, and move their hands to sign "more." Immediately followed by, "Great job! When you sign 'more' we know that you want more!" and give them more of the snack. Do it at least 2 more times in the same session to make sure they can do it without hand-over-hand, and keep using the sign the rest of the meal. (Typically, they did it themselves on try #2 or 3.) Quiz it again at the next meal / next day. Repeat with "milk," "all done" (end of meal time), and any other signs you want to do. For a 6-12 month old, you really only need a handful of signs to alleviate the potentially frustrating experiences that they might have, e.g., more, milk, all done, change/diaper, water, help, and pointing (e.g., to a print out with a bunch of picture options). If you have a color printer at home (or even a b/w printer), you can print photos of different choices you want them to communicate to you, e.g., play with bubbles vs play with trains, or a grid of 6 different snacks. For my autistic kid, at one point, he had nearly 100 signs but fewer than 20 spoken words. Importantly, though, he was combining signs together to communicate things he didn't have the words for, which our speech therapist said was a very good thing. These days, he doesn't rely on signs any more but still retains the ones that he does have, or at least I've observed that he understood his baby sister when she signs., He had some weird neurological issues (arm that would like reflexively punch himself, hypotonia on the front of his body, hyper tonia on the back, retained infant reflexes - ie. Newborn fists never went away). So not, autism thinks - really developmental issues that needed support. He usually met milestones but not in the right way. But he was in speech etc before 12 months., Wow they picked them up really quickly. I was signing ‘more’ for about 6 months before my little one picked it up once he was about 13 months. Once he got the hand of it he was pretty good at doing it and picked up other ones too like all done, milk, nappy. But it took a long time for him to get the first one!, This also brings up the point that Early Intervention can vary dramatically by state. Our third child (2Y) had fist clenching on the list. It was hidden for a bit because he would always obsessively hold something in that hand, usually a plastic fork. He has poor balance but is self aware and compensates by being very careful and deliberate in his movement. Poor transitions and has meltdowns. Extreme anxiety, especially around other children he will just freeze up. And of course speech delays. In Minnesota we were told that was not enough concerns to qualify for Early Intervention. The only reason we did qualify was because my wife got pissed off and on the parent questionnaire basically said "no" to everything. They had told us they are required to take the questionnaire into consideration and it basically overrides their own observations. My manager in Florida had same "not enough concerns" answer from Early Intervention. Here in Colorado it was no problems at all. "Yep. He's got delays. Lets get that kiddo therapy." The difference is the school system managed early intervention in MN so whatever staff they have is all they have. Here its contracted out to private companies so they can scale up and down to demand easily and they don't have a built in motivation to deny kids., Oh yeah - I experienced NYC vs. Georgia. Not in the same galaxy.
Older brother with autism is being put into full time care,	My older brother with autism. He's borderline non verbal has just been put into full time care 6 months into me going to college. My parents did this out of the blue(However I don't think it's a conwincidence that once I went away he's gone) and I feel sort of angry at my parents for doing this and essentially sending him to a borderline prison. My parents are now edging on 60 but I just wanted to vent and wish I had more input on the situation and feel bad that he's ending up there but it's the inevitable situation for many sadly. I'm just wondering if any of you guys have dealt with similar situations.	You currently have the opportunity to become successful. Once you have your degree and job and home then you can care for him if that is your wish. Use the time you have now wisely. Most of us will have to make that decision once we turn 60, and I can only hope my older son will want to take up the task when he is older and successful., I know you don’t like how this feels. I think they may have done this for your benefit as well as your brother. As parents are biggest worry is what will happen when we die. Transitions are hard for people with ASD and doing it now logically seems like a good time. His brother has been gone for 6 months so there was that transition. They are still young enough that if this doesn’t work they can try something else. They are old enough to know their skills and ability’s are going to start to decline, it’s probably better to do it before they are no longer capable to care for him. Another fear we have is putting the responsibility onto our other children. We love all our kids and want what is best for each one. I think your parents are giving you options. The timing is exactly what you think, they don’t want you to stop them by offering help or putting your life on hold or giving up your dreams and wants. In the future you can choose what you want to do. Go live your life, find your dreams, figure out who you are and what you want. If you choose to take on responsibility for your brother you can but it would be better if you had some life experience first., Is it an issue with the quality of the facility or the decision to send him? Or is it the lack of input on your part? Have they discussed what your role in his life will be after they pass? These are all hard questions that need to be addressed. Probably the best thing you can do for him is visit regularly. If there are issues with the facility, consider discussing them with your parents and helping them find a better one for him., Your parents have raised their kids, and are getting to an age where it’s time to focus on themselves and their health and well being. I know it’s hard - but they also can’t be the only plan for his care, and neither can you., How does this compute with you telling a young mum to give her 3 yo kid up for adoption?, Do you feel it your parents destiny to provide long term care for your brother into their advanced age? The tradeoffs doing so are immeasurable depending on the severity of the condition they are caring for. It’s often a full time job caring for adults with autism. Do they not deserve lives free of encumberment as they near retirement?, I did transport EMS for a while, and the quality of these and most facilities can vary wildly. I can safely say that family members' presence will ensure quality care. Call and visit as much as possible. That being said it is something that is beneficial for them in the long-term (something I'm still trying to accept). Not to be morbid but you parents won't be able to care for him forever and when they die that will be a big enough change you really don't want to couple moving with it., Good for your parents. They deserve to have a bit of a life back. Don’t get me wrong, I love my son more than anything on this earth, but I’m 31 and struggling to care for a 3yo autistic child. I can only imagine how hard it will be when he’s physically a grown man and strong and I’m in my 50s, let alone 60. I understand your scared for your brother, and it’s a really hard thing to accept, but your parents have spent their adult life and some of their retirement caring for him, let them give this a chance. At some point they will get hurt or he will get hurt if he stays with them because they won’t be able to control a meltdown or prevent an escape attempt. Maybe he will make some friends there and get to do cool outings and activities., I am proud of your parents. They will not live forever and it is in your brother’s best interest to learn how to live without them gradually. No parent is thrilled to make this decision., This experience has been the most challenging one of my life, and I went into medical school and I came from extreme poverty, currently working tremendously to get out of it. Your parents deserve a bit of freedom and don't particularly need to be victim to this condition themselves. This is a decision that is dreaded and is the absolute worst one for parents. That is something I hope I can avoid in the future. I really doubt they made it lightly and happily. Ultimately, your brother will adapt, and your parents will visit, and hopefully, your brother can receive the care that's needed for him by some professionals. I agree with the comment above that you can use this time to become wildly successful and go into a lucrative career in order to remove him from that setting. You don't need the burden of that, but it remains an option. By the way, I think you're a good brother., It depends on a lot of factors I suppose. My daughter is 14 and my son is 3. She said she will take care of him if needed but I told her it isn’t her responsibility. I don’t blame you for being angry. I am sure it wasn’t an easy decision for them. I watched an unsolved mystery before where the parents sent their adult autistic child to a facility and then moved to florida to retire. The child ran away and was never found again. Makes me so sad., Sorry to hear that, thats tough. Tough on you and your brother. Full time care sounds awful to me. But sounds like you need to speak with your parents and see what they have to say about why they made such a decision. I would hope they wouldnt go down the route of "...well you arent here anymore to help out and we cant do it by ourselves.." cause that wouldnt be fair of them to do to you. I feel for your brother, he's been removed from his home, where he probably felt safe and secure. The constants in his life i.e. your parents and you arent there with him in his new location. I really hope hes enjoying himself, as otherwise it doeant bare thinking about. I want to say that i wouldnt do this to my child, i dont think i could live with myself if i did. However everyones situation and life is different. You said hes non verbal, i presume you can communicate with him somehow? If it was me, id want to find out if hes happy. If hes not, id bring him home. He doesnt deserve to be sent away like that., My uncle was in and out of different homes on and off for the past 8 years after my grandfather passed away and he was too much for my grandmother. We were hoping that we would be able to stay with us, his family, but unfortunately that didn't happen until later in life. Now he has passed away and I miss him so much. I'm sorry your going through this 💔, I understand your worry but they are getting too old. Better to find placement now. It'd be better then asking you not to go to college to care for him right? I'm sure they picked the best place they could. When you graduate n get settled you can revisit his care then. But 60 is getting up there to be providing full time care. They probably want peace of mind knowing he is cared for., The thought my child will have to go to one of these kills me but he possibly will have to go. Your parents have already had a lifetime of grief, stress, worry and anxiety. They wouldn’t have wanted to be in a position where they have to do this but they cannot do it forever. They’ve had a lot of struggle already, they’re in their older years they have to do something no one wants to have to do., I guess when you put it that way it makes sense. I just feel like they're disowning him and don't really have any intention of visiting him more than twice a year. If that, granted I see your point at the same time in a weird way it feels like a releif not having to worry about my parents at all. I just feel betrayed because this seems like this was planned a year or two in advance and I never was given any input., He’s in a facility in virgina in the middle of nowhere I’m going to college in Massachusetts I just wish I had some input on this or was told ahead of time what’s going to happen. He’s going to a facility nowhere near my parents or me as we both live in Florida., He's a [real piece of shit](https://www.reddit.com/r/FragileWhiteRedditor/s/Y2sduBzb6z)., Yikes 😬, She was a 15 year old with a kid. I just don’t think it’s fair to have a child especially one with special needs into an abusive situation. I just think in that situation it’s hard for the kid, Wait what?, I don’t want this comment to seem confrontational, but do you have a child with severe needs? You say you would never do that, what happens when you’re 60 and you’re high support needs child is bigger and stronger than you and has a meltdown or tries to escape the home and you can’t physically stop them, and they still don’t understand that running into the street is dangerous? Or, if they have an aggressive meltdown and really hurt you or themself?, Yea I hate to say it but you sort of have a point I'm just upset that none's going to visit him most likely because he's either a 2 hour flight for them or a 4 hour drive for me., My fear is that he will be locked up for 6 hours a day. I watched children of darkness about these facilities and they don’t seem very nice and I worry the staff won’t care about him., He’s semi verbal he can’t fully speak in complex sentences but he can speak words or phrases to get his point across. I'm talking to my parents and trying to figure out how to call them I just found this out of the blue., When calm, it might be worth asking them why so far. Was he difficult to place? Does this particular facility have something that closer ones do not? Generally it is better to be somewhere nearby where family can visit unless the best services cannot be obtained nearby., Thanks for doing the work. OP can fuck off, Oh. Oh my., Comment history, The mother was 15. Anyone having a child at 15 has some problems in their life i don’t think it’s a good idea to burden someone in their lives who already has problems at that young of an age with a child., You didn't read very carefully. My non verbal 5 year old will eventually need long term care. My point is that it is less trauma to have them established in a home BEFORE we die to make transition easier., Can you rent an apartment and move him in? What is your plan?, There’s probably crippling waiting lists in local facilities that can accommodate his needs, typically group homes are more abundant but they’re unsafe or don’t accept high maintenance residents, so the only choice are high quality ICFs out of state, I’m sorry, I actually meant to reply to a totally different comment., Lol I have done that more than once
Open to opinions & Suggestions	Hi all, My son is 15 months and we just went to a recent checkup. He is not saying any words except mama, dada & baba, but he really doesn’t say them directly where they apply. He “talks” all day everyday but no recognizable words. We didn’t think anything of it, but at his appt his pediatrician made a referral saying that he should be saying 6-10 words right now. Somethings we have noticed since being informed of this is that he doesn’t point at things and doesn’t follow a pointed finger, but we haven’t pointed at things and he has a set schedule at home and school so it’s hard to establish him showing a need for things. His pediatrician asked a few questions like does he make eye contact, which he does, does he smile or laugh appropriately like when we smile at him or laugh at him and he does. He answers to his name sometimes but I never considered something could be wrong. He is always playing with something or exploring the house. He started walking at 11 months and has like 12 teeth already! LOL. I’m concerned now because when I went home and researched I realized she was indirectly screening him for risk of autism. Is there anything should be doing or can do to help him? I don’t really know how to teach him to point or how to help him follow me pointing, all of this is new to us. We have of course gotten overwhelmed and are doing too many things at once. My son doesn’t follow commands cuz we haven’t given him any. We put his shoes on, feed him, put him to bed and things like that so maybe we are doing too much for him. I have also not seen him pretend play. He doesn’t have any stuffed animals, most of his toys are balls, cars, blocs and things like that. Anyway, any insight would help. I have a teen and now a baby so I’m far removed from what I should be looking for as far as development and milestones. Thank you all so much	Pointing is inherent. It is actually not something you need to teach neurotypical children based on everything I researched. Since I was heavily blaming myself over that milestone., This couldve been me when he was that age. I think i said all of this to his special instructor. So I'm going to say what i needed to hear. Breathe, you're doing right by him and whether he's on the spectrum or not, he's going to be fine. Youll get him all the supports he needs and there's no way you caused this diagnosis. No parenting decisions cause autism. Youre doing great., Pointing is inherent. It is actually not something you need to teach neurotypical children based on everything I researched. Since I was heavily blaming myself over that milestone., The way I’m crying so hard at work right now. I am a ball of emotions and doubts and confusion. Thank you so much for being kind., Anytime. I know what its like. Feel free to pm me if you have any questions or just want to vent
Other kids making fun	My son is 5 years old, currently in PreK, diagnosed asd, didn’t get a level but I’d assume Level 1. Super happy, sweet, not a mean bone in his body. He went to ABA for a full year and made amazing progress, moved him to a normal prek class a few months ago to prepare him for kindergarten. Recently I’ve personally seen 2 instances of other kids making fun of my son’s actions and stimming. One example is, when myself or his dad picks him up from school, he always has a very happy, loud reaction when he sees us come into the classroom, he yells ‘mommy!!’ And runs towards me. He’s so happy and pure and cute lol. But I’ve seen one kid in particular (along with others seeming to join in after), mocking him and saying ‘mommy!!’ In like a sarcastic, mocking tone, and then looking at each other & laughing. Granted these kids are 5, part of me thinks they don’t even know what they are doing, but it hurts this mama’s heart!!! Also my son has no idea this is going on, he’s not really cognitively aware to notice. Again, he’s so happy in his own world that he doesn’t yet let others actions bother him too much (unless they take his toy or valued object lol). Another example is with neighborhood kids, a few years older, doing something similar in mocking his phrases and how he acts. He stims quite a bit when he’s excited, jumping up and down, waving his hands, making excited faces. So how do I handle this as his mom? Of course I don’t want other kids making fun of him, but I guess I can’t really control that. I also of course don’t want to make him tone down his stimming, although I am wondering if, for his own social sake, we try to find other ways for him to get his energy out? I am proud that he is different. It’s what I love about him!!! But the idea of him eventually having to deal with kids making fun of him or bullying or him feeling less-than makes me sick! How do you all cope? Thanks in advance!	I’d consider another educational environment. It’s not typical for 5 yr olds to make fun of others in this way unless that is the accepted culture of the school or they see parents doing this. If you’re seeing this in pre-k it will just get worse. There are educational settings that won’t allow that behavior., Just ignore it. As long as your son is happy that's all that matters. Please don't try to take be down his stimming. It's important for his self regulation. He is who he is. It can be painful for a parent, but as long as your child doesn't notice. Who cares what others think? The future can wait, stay in the present, help him with the here and now. He will be be a different person by the time he gets to high school age. There are now adaptive / disability martial arts classes if you want to give him confidence in the future for dealing with bullies when he gets to high school age. Ultimately, they grow up so fast, just enjoy your son for who he is., Sounds like a shitty environment, My son is treated like a king, the moment I enter the school (main stream) all kids greet him of all ages. Have forgotten to dress him for an event and lots of kids came for help without asking (one little even proposed his orange tie). Even the older kids! I see even from his class girls hold his hands and are acting protective ! My son always yells at me "daddy" jumps on me and hugs ! The kids, teachers and educators are second to none. I trust them that they are doing all what could be done. Kids are not bad, but teachers anf their parents are shitz they turn very quickly into this. This is of course Australia, public school., Ignore it. Whenever this happens, I always tell myself that at least they’re not my kids., I’d consider another educational environment. It’s not typical for 5 yr olds to make fun of others in this way unless that is the accepted culture of the school or they see parents doing this. If you’re seeing this in pre-k it will just get worse. There are educational settings that won’t allow that behavior., Just ignore it. As long as your son is happy that's all that matters. Please don't try to take be down his stimming. It's important for his self regulation. He is who he is. It can be painful for a parent, but as long as your child doesn't notice. Who cares what others think? The future can wait, stay in the present, help him with the here and now. He will be be a different person by the time he gets to high school age. There are now adaptive / disability martial arts classes if you want to give him confidence in the future for dealing with bullies when he gets to high school age. Ultimately, they grow up so fast, just enjoy your son for who he is., Sounds like a shitty environment, My son is treated like a king, the moment I enter the school (main stream) all kids greet him of all ages. Have forgotten to dress him for an event and lots of kids came for help without asking (one little even proposed his orange tie). Even the older kids! I see even from his class girls hold his hands and are acting protective ! My son always yells at me "daddy" jumps on me and hugs ! The kids, teachers and educators are second to none. I trust them that they are doing all what could be done. Kids are not bad, but teachers anf their parents are shitz they turn very quickly into this. This is of course Australia, public school., Ignore it. Whenever this happens, I always tell myself that at least they’re not my kids., I’d consider another educational environment. It’s not typical for 5 yr olds to make fun of others in this way unless that is the accepted culture of the school or they see parents doing this. If you’re seeing this in pre-k it will just get worse. There are educational settings that won’t allow that behavior., Just ignore it. As long as your son is happy that's all that matters. Please don't try to take be down his stimming. It's important for his self regulation. He is who he is. It can be painful for a parent, but as long as your child doesn't notice. Who cares what others think? The future can wait, stay in the present, help him with the here and now. He will be be a different person by the time he gets to high school age. There are now adaptive / disability martial arts classes if you want to give him confidence in the future for dealing with bullies when he gets to high school age. Ultimately, they grow up so fast, just enjoy your son for who he is., Sounds like a shitty environment, My son is treated like a king, the moment I enter the school (main stream) all kids greet him of all ages. Have forgotten to dress him for an event and lots of kids came for help without asking (one little even proposed his orange tie). Even the older kids! I see even from his class girls hold his hands and are acting protective ! My son always yells at me "daddy" jumps on me and hugs ! The kids, teachers and educators are second to none. I trust them that they are doing all what could be done. Kids are not bad, but teachers anf their parents are shitz they turn very quickly into this. This is of course Australia, public school., Ignore it. Whenever this happens, I always tell myself that at least they’re not my kids., I’d consider another educational environment. It’s not typical for 5 yr olds to make fun of others in this way unless that is the accepted culture of the school or they see parents doing this. If you’re seeing this in pre-k it will just get worse. There are educational settings that won’t allow that behavior., Just ignore it. As long as your son is happy that's all that matters. Please don't try to take be down his stimming. It's important for his self regulation. He is who he is. It can be painful for a parent, but as long as your child doesn't notice. Who cares what others think? The future can wait, stay in the present, help him with the here and now. He will be be a different person by the time he gets to high school age. There are now adaptive / disability martial arts classes if you want to give him confidence in the future for dealing with bullies when he gets to high school age. Ultimately, they grow up so fast, just enjoy your son for who he is., Sounds like a shitty environment, My son is treated like a king, the moment I enter the school (main stream) all kids greet him of all ages. Have forgotten to dress him for an event and lots of kids came for help without asking (one little even proposed his orange tie). Even the older kids! I see even from his class girls hold his hands and are acting protective ! My son always yells at me "daddy" jumps on me and hugs ! The kids, teachers and educators are second to none. I trust them that they are doing all what could be done. Kids are not bad, but teachers anf their parents are shitz they turn very quickly into this. This is of course Australia, public school., Ignore it. Whenever this happens, I always tell myself that at least they’re not my kids.
Our 4-year-old received Tier 1 autism diagnosis yesterday. Feel overwhelmed.	We suspected that our daughter was likely autistic, so the news didn't really come as a shock or anything. The diagnosis is a relief, because now we know what we're dealing with. However, I feel like we're being shoved into ABA therapy, and every fiber of my being is telling me ABA is not the right approach. What are some ABA alternatives that others in the group have had success with? Our daughter has been seeing a speech pathologist for about a year and she also attends a preschool program specifically for neurodivergent children. I think the progress that she's making in these programs is completely acceptable and appropriate for where she's at right now, but I'm feeling the full-court press from the autism clinic about ABA. They're also pushing a bunch of Autism Speaks literature on me, and when I research Autism Speaks, I don't find good things.	I've got a level 1 four year old and I also received the same literature. We are currently choosing not to pursue ABA and instead are on wait lists for OT and an evaluation for speech. We will pick and choose the therapies that work best for her and in the long run we are keeping an open mind for home schooling and private schooling if our daughter is not thriving in public. Just a heads up, there are people on this sub who's children need significant support. Many don't like hearing about level 1s on this sub and tend to downvote or say "just feel lucky you dont have a kid like mine". Don't take it personally. , I went through the same thing recently with my almost 4 year old. We needed the diagnosis for insurance reasons and went with the first opening for an assessment at the first available clinic. It was a TOTAL of 1.5 hours and they came back with a level 2 diagnosis, on top of an intellectual disability. They then HIGHLY pushed ABA, saying it was more important than anything else at this level and I need to get him on any and all waitlists, including theirs. At first it was very overwhelming and upsetting to hear. But the more I thought about it, the more angry I became. You met my son for 90 minutes total, 10 of those spent on a very strange IQ test (I was in the room the entire time, and could barely understand the testers line of questions myself) and come back telling me he has an intellectual disability on top of needing 40 hours of ABA training? Telling me it's more important to do it now, while he's basically "trainable" and will be easier to function in kindergarten. Right now he's in part time preschool, with an IEP. He also does private speech and OT therapy each twice a week. They all can't sing his praises enough. He's in the general ed classroom and doesn't need a 1:1 para, the class para just helps him on certain tasks. With his IEP, the school OT, speech, and autism specialist meet with him once to 3 times a week in and out of the room. They think he will get even better moving forward to full time next year. Private speech and OT are helping him leaps and bounds as well. The testers tried to say I should have him quit all that and just focus on ABA. I knew at that moment they were trying to push it because of the financial incentive for them. They tried to say I should apply at other places as well, but they could put me on their list right away. I just said yes to get out of their quicker and get my paperwork. I trust the people who see my son every day/week over people who barely met him for less than 2 hours. It might be something to think of down the line, it might not. I did my research, but the biggest thing is trusting my gut about how I know my own child. I'm not going to take him out of the things that are helping him now, to put him into something that people still can't agree on whether it is beneficial or not., What you're looking for is dir floortime. We did it with my kid and he's absolutely flourishing. I recommend the training course though www.icdl.com . The dir floortime model is a developmental model rather than a behavioral model. It's play based and done by the parents. We used all dir floortime professionals for ot and speech. Also helps to sometimes have just a vanilla therapist to work with and model off of. At 5.5 my kid is fully conversational, can do a one on one play date, play board games, do pretend play, play role playing games, etc. Obviously every kid is different, but I honestly believe he's made so much progress because of floortime. My wife believes in it so strongly she got trained as a therapist. I also recommend the icdl coaching. It's really affordable and they set you up with amazing people. Www.dirdirectory.com to find practitioners near you., First and foremost, I want to commend you for trusting your instincts as a parent. You know your daughter better than anyone else, and it's essential to advocate for her needs and preferences. I hear your concerns about ABA therapy, and I want to reassure you that there are indeed alternative approaches if you decide you don't want to go that route. It's wonderful that your daughter is already seeing a speech pathologist and attending a preschool program tailored to neurodivergent children! Here are several other options you might consider exploring: \- Developmental approaches (like [DIR model, Floortime](https://www.icdl.com/dir)) focus on building relationships and supporting the child's overall development in a natural and supportive environment. They often prioritize understanding the underlying reasons for behaviors and promoting meaningful interactions. \- Occupational therapy can address sensory processing, motor skills, and daily living skills, all of which are essential for children with autism to thrive and participate fully in various activities. \- Play therapy or play-based interventions can be particularly effective for children with autism, as play is a natural way for them to learn and communicate. These interventions use play to promote social interaction, imagination, and emotional expression. I definitely recommend researching and exploring different options to find what works best for your daughter. Trust your instincts and continue advocating for her. Remember that you're not alone in this journey, and there are professionals and resources available to support you every step of the way!, My kid got his diagnosis around 5. But we were dealing with agressive behaviours since 3. When self harm begin we start our quest, and I agree with you, it's a relief to know it's something more than "all kids are this way" or "maybe you need change your parenting style". We started with OT and helped a lot. Then some psycho therapies that wasn't ABA. We weren't clear what the therapies were working on but self regulation and emotional self knowledge. Wasn't doing much. Then we get him 4 hour per week ABA sessions, at home. It helped a lot. We saw him developing his line of thoughts. Echolalia stopped. Agression and self agression stopped. It's all coming back now, but that's for another time. I agree and disagree with other comments. I think works best for younger children. I think it needs to be playfully, and needs to be something your kid likes it. It needs to be done at home (that's where the "bad behaviour" comes out because it's where they feel more safe), and needs to be done in parents presence, and parents need to guide what they want from the therapy and what they don't want. Remember those charts kid gains a star when they accomplish any chore or task? This came from ABA. ABA changed a lot over time specially last years and yes, feels like training because, it is training. The reward system is not from ABA. Even if you love your work, I bet you work for the money. Reward is something intricate in our dopaminergic systems, and autistic dopaminergic system is something that really differs from typical ones. Maybe that's why ABA is indicated, but there are alternatives. There's a parent here that answer this stating the 3 ABA clinics theirs child went, and what didn't work on each. It's a great source of info you should check it out. I think 40 hours of anything is too much for any kid., My level 1 guy does OT and Play therapy (it’s regular therapy but they play as they talk because he’s violent.) and he did speech for two years., Maybe check out Early Start Denver Model. Our 5 year old was diagnosed level one with ADHD. We have sought out neuro affirming OT and SLP (I literally googled the term and my area). This type of practice comes from the social rather than medical model. We are in the waitlist for a behavioral therapy place that acknowledges the harm of ABA but works on supporting families when dealing with behaviors. Our kiddo has started self-harming at 5 and the reality is that the other therapists are not equipped to support us around that. And play therapy was very unsuccessful. We just met with someone from the Behavioral practice for some parent coaching and it was incredibly helpful for us as parents., Can you describe your specific concerns about ABA? Have you set up an appointment with a clinic? Or are you just going on what you read on the internet?, OT/ST are typically the other therapies in the ASD toolkit. ABA can be effective but typically only when the child is younger, which is why most places stop seeing them after they turn 5. If she’s low support needs, and transitions easily, and you feel confident in her ability for independence when she’s an adult then keep doing what you’re doing. If you do look into it further then find one that is overseen by a BCBA., OT and speech therapy will be important! Same with preschool. Please look into: [https://autisticadvocacy.org](https://autisticadvocacy.org) It's an autism support group run by autistic adults. They have a lot to say about ABA., "Many don't like hearing about level 1s on this sub and tend to downvote or say "just feel lucky you dont have a kid like mine". " That's sad. I'm sorry that others feel that way, but my kid's challenges are real and we're trying to navigate this situation just like everybody else is navigating theirs., We are using the same with our child (also PT/OT), but it has been so amazing for him!, It looks like dog training to me. My child is a human being, not a labrador retriever. We had one appointment in which ABA therapies were used and that was enough for me. I also am lucky to live in an area that has a fairly influential grassroots disability advocacy group, MoDE ([https://www.moempower.com/](https://www.moempower.com/)), and a number of parents involved with that group are not fans of the approach, either., I have a level 1 kid and have not felt that way. So I don’t know., Which is absolutely frustrating, but the core concept of ABA is to teach that if you participate in a group setting/follow directions you will most likely get a reward. Now unfortunately nuance is usually lost on small children which is why the break down of aba is typically do a task and then if the child completes the task they are rewarded. One of the reasons for its success typically it’s pretty clear cut for the child., I've got a level 1 four year old and I also received the same literature. We are currently choosing not to pursue ABA and instead are on wait lists for OT and an evaluation for speech. We will pick and choose the therapies that work best for her and in the long run we are keeping an open mind for home schooling and private schooling if our daughter is not thriving in public. Just a heads up, there are people on this sub who's children need significant support. Many don't like hearing about level 1s on this sub and tend to downvote or say "just feel lucky you dont have a kid like mine". Don't take it personally. , I went through the same thing recently with my almost 4 year old. We needed the diagnosis for insurance reasons and went with the first opening for an assessment at the first available clinic. It was a TOTAL of 1.5 hours and they came back with a level 2 diagnosis, on top of an intellectual disability. They then HIGHLY pushed ABA, saying it was more important than anything else at this level and I need to get him on any and all waitlists, including theirs. At first it was very overwhelming and upsetting to hear. But the more I thought about it, the more angry I became. You met my son for 90 minutes total, 10 of those spent on a very strange IQ test (I was in the room the entire time, and could barely understand the testers line of questions myself) and come back telling me he has an intellectual disability on top of needing 40 hours of ABA training? Telling me it's more important to do it now, while he's basically "trainable" and will be easier to function in kindergarten. Right now he's in part time preschool, with an IEP. He also does private speech and OT therapy each twice a week. They all can't sing his praises enough. He's in the general ed classroom and doesn't need a 1:1 para, the class para just helps him on certain tasks. With his IEP, the school OT, speech, and autism specialist meet with him once to 3 times a week in and out of the room. They think he will get even better moving forward to full time next year. Private speech and OT are helping him leaps and bounds as well. The testers tried to say I should have him quit all that and just focus on ABA. I knew at that moment they were trying to push it because of the financial incentive for them. They tried to say I should apply at other places as well, but they could put me on their list right away. I just said yes to get out of their quicker and get my paperwork. I trust the people who see my son every day/week over people who barely met him for less than 2 hours. It might be something to think of down the line, it might not. I did my research, but the biggest thing is trusting my gut about how I know my own child. I'm not going to take him out of the things that are helping him now, to put him into something that people still can't agree on whether it is beneficial or not., What you're looking for is dir floortime. We did it with my kid and he's absolutely flourishing. I recommend the training course though www.icdl.com . The dir floortime model is a developmental model rather than a behavioral model. It's play based and done by the parents. We used all dir floortime professionals for ot and speech. Also helps to sometimes have just a vanilla therapist to work with and model off of. At 5.5 my kid is fully conversational, can do a one on one play date, play board games, do pretend play, play role playing games, etc. Obviously every kid is different, but I honestly believe he's made so much progress because of floortime. My wife believes in it so strongly she got trained as a therapist. I also recommend the icdl coaching. It's really affordable and they set you up with amazing people. Www.dirdirectory.com to find practitioners near you., First and foremost, I want to commend you for trusting your instincts as a parent. You know your daughter better than anyone else, and it's essential to advocate for her needs and preferences. I hear your concerns about ABA therapy, and I want to reassure you that there are indeed alternative approaches if you decide you don't want to go that route. It's wonderful that your daughter is already seeing a speech pathologist and attending a preschool program tailored to neurodivergent children! Here are several other options you might consider exploring: \- Developmental approaches (like [DIR model, Floortime](https://www.icdl.com/dir)) focus on building relationships and supporting the child's overall development in a natural and supportive environment. They often prioritize understanding the underlying reasons for behaviors and promoting meaningful interactions. \- Occupational therapy can address sensory processing, motor skills, and daily living skills, all of which are essential for children with autism to thrive and participate fully in various activities. \- Play therapy or play-based interventions can be particularly effective for children with autism, as play is a natural way for them to learn and communicate. These interventions use play to promote social interaction, imagination, and emotional expression. I definitely recommend researching and exploring different options to find what works best for your daughter. Trust your instincts and continue advocating for her. Remember that you're not alone in this journey, and there are professionals and resources available to support you every step of the way!, My kid got his diagnosis around 5. But we were dealing with agressive behaviours since 3. When self harm begin we start our quest, and I agree with you, it's a relief to know it's something more than "all kids are this way" or "maybe you need change your parenting style". We started with OT and helped a lot. Then some psycho therapies that wasn't ABA. We weren't clear what the therapies were working on but self regulation and emotional self knowledge. Wasn't doing much. Then we get him 4 hour per week ABA sessions, at home. It helped a lot. We saw him developing his line of thoughts. Echolalia stopped. Agression and self agression stopped. It's all coming back now, but that's for another time. I agree and disagree with other comments. I think works best for younger children. I think it needs to be playfully, and needs to be something your kid likes it. It needs to be done at home (that's where the "bad behaviour" comes out because it's where they feel more safe), and needs to be done in parents presence, and parents need to guide what they want from the therapy and what they don't want. Remember those charts kid gains a star when they accomplish any chore or task? This came from ABA. ABA changed a lot over time specially last years and yes, feels like training because, it is training. The reward system is not from ABA. Even if you love your work, I bet you work for the money. Reward is something intricate in our dopaminergic systems, and autistic dopaminergic system is something that really differs from typical ones. Maybe that's why ABA is indicated, but there are alternatives. There's a parent here that answer this stating the 3 ABA clinics theirs child went, and what didn't work on each. It's a great source of info you should check it out. I think 40 hours of anything is too much for any kid., My level 1 guy does OT and Play therapy (it’s regular therapy but they play as they talk because he’s violent.) and he did speech for two years., Maybe check out Early Start Denver Model. Our 5 year old was diagnosed level one with ADHD. We have sought out neuro affirming OT and SLP (I literally googled the term and my area). This type of practice comes from the social rather than medical model. We are in the waitlist for a behavioral therapy place that acknowledges the harm of ABA but works on supporting families when dealing with behaviors. Our kiddo has started self-harming at 5 and the reality is that the other therapists are not equipped to support us around that. And play therapy was very unsuccessful. We just met with someone from the Behavioral practice for some parent coaching and it was incredibly helpful for us as parents., Can you describe your specific concerns about ABA? Have you set up an appointment with a clinic? Or are you just going on what you read on the internet?, OT/ST are typically the other therapies in the ASD toolkit. ABA can be effective but typically only when the child is younger, which is why most places stop seeing them after they turn 5. If she’s low support needs, and transitions easily, and you feel confident in her ability for independence when she’s an adult then keep doing what you’re doing. If you do look into it further then find one that is overseen by a BCBA., OT and speech therapy will be important! Same with preschool. Please look into: [https://autisticadvocacy.org](https://autisticadvocacy.org) It's an autism support group run by autistic adults. They have a lot to say about ABA., "Many don't like hearing about level 1s on this sub and tend to downvote or say "just feel lucky you dont have a kid like mine". " That's sad. I'm sorry that others feel that way, but my kid's challenges are real and we're trying to navigate this situation just like everybody else is navigating theirs., We are using the same with our child (also PT/OT), but it has been so amazing for him!, It looks like dog training to me. My child is a human being, not a labrador retriever. We had one appointment in which ABA therapies were used and that was enough for me. I also am lucky to live in an area that has a fairly influential grassroots disability advocacy group, MoDE ([https://www.moempower.com/](https://www.moempower.com/)), and a number of parents involved with that group are not fans of the approach, either., I have a level 1 kid and have not felt that way. So I don’t know., Which is absolutely frustrating, but the core concept of ABA is to teach that if you participate in a group setting/follow directions you will most likely get a reward. Now unfortunately nuance is usually lost on small children which is why the break down of aba is typically do a task and then if the child completes the task they are rewarded. One of the reasons for its success typically it’s pretty clear cut for the child., I've got a level 1 four year old and I also received the same literature. We are currently choosing not to pursue ABA and instead are on wait lists for OT and an evaluation for speech. We will pick and choose the therapies that work best for her and in the long run we are keeping an open mind for home schooling and private schooling if our daughter is not thriving in public. Just a heads up, there are people on this sub who's children need significant support. Many don't like hearing about level 1s on this sub and tend to downvote or say "just feel lucky you dont have a kid like mine". Don't take it personally. , I went through the same thing recently with my almost 4 year old. We needed the diagnosis for insurance reasons and went with the first opening for an assessment at the first available clinic. It was a TOTAL of 1.5 hours and they came back with a level 2 diagnosis, on top of an intellectual disability. They then HIGHLY pushed ABA, saying it was more important than anything else at this level and I need to get him on any and all waitlists, including theirs. At first it was very overwhelming and upsetting to hear. But the more I thought about it, the more angry I became. You met my son for 90 minutes total, 10 of those spent on a very strange IQ test (I was in the room the entire time, and could barely understand the testers line of questions myself) and come back telling me he has an intellectual disability on top of needing 40 hours of ABA training? Telling me it's more important to do it now, while he's basically "trainable" and will be easier to function in kindergarten. Right now he's in part time preschool, with an IEP. He also does private speech and OT therapy each twice a week. They all can't sing his praises enough. He's in the general ed classroom and doesn't need a 1:1 para, the class para just helps him on certain tasks. With his IEP, the school OT, speech, and autism specialist meet with him once to 3 times a week in and out of the room. They think he will get even better moving forward to full time next year. Private speech and OT are helping him leaps and bounds as well. The testers tried to say I should have him quit all that and just focus on ABA. I knew at that moment they were trying to push it because of the financial incentive for them. They tried to say I should apply at other places as well, but they could put me on their list right away. I just said yes to get out of their quicker and get my paperwork. I trust the people who see my son every day/week over people who barely met him for less than 2 hours. It might be something to think of down the line, it might not. I did my research, but the biggest thing is trusting my gut about how I know my own child. I'm not going to take him out of the things that are helping him now, to put him into something that people still can't agree on whether it is beneficial or not., What you're looking for is dir floortime. We did it with my kid and he's absolutely flourishing. I recommend the training course though www.icdl.com . The dir floortime model is a developmental model rather than a behavioral model. It's play based and done by the parents. We used all dir floortime professionals for ot and speech. Also helps to sometimes have just a vanilla therapist to work with and model off of. At 5.5 my kid is fully conversational, can do a one on one play date, play board games, do pretend play, play role playing games, etc. Obviously every kid is different, but I honestly believe he's made so much progress because of floortime. My wife believes in it so strongly she got trained as a therapist. I also recommend the icdl coaching. It's really affordable and they set you up with amazing people. Www.dirdirectory.com to find practitioners near you., First and foremost, I want to commend you for trusting your instincts as a parent. You know your daughter better than anyone else, and it's essential to advocate for her needs and preferences. I hear your concerns about ABA therapy, and I want to reassure you that there are indeed alternative approaches if you decide you don't want to go that route. It's wonderful that your daughter is already seeing a speech pathologist and attending a preschool program tailored to neurodivergent children! Here are several other options you might consider exploring: \- Developmental approaches (like [DIR model, Floortime](https://www.icdl.com/dir)) focus on building relationships and supporting the child's overall development in a natural and supportive environment. They often prioritize understanding the underlying reasons for behaviors and promoting meaningful interactions. \- Occupational therapy can address sensory processing, motor skills, and daily living skills, all of which are essential for children with autism to thrive and participate fully in various activities. \- Play therapy or play-based interventions can be particularly effective for children with autism, as play is a natural way for them to learn and communicate. These interventions use play to promote social interaction, imagination, and emotional expression. I definitely recommend researching and exploring different options to find what works best for your daughter. Trust your instincts and continue advocating for her. Remember that you're not alone in this journey, and there are professionals and resources available to support you every step of the way!, My kid got his diagnosis around 5. But we were dealing with agressive behaviours since 3. When self harm begin we start our quest, and I agree with you, it's a relief to know it's something more than "all kids are this way" or "maybe you need change your parenting style". We started with OT and helped a lot. Then some psycho therapies that wasn't ABA. We weren't clear what the therapies were working on but self regulation and emotional self knowledge. Wasn't doing much. Then we get him 4 hour per week ABA sessions, at home. It helped a lot. We saw him developing his line of thoughts. Echolalia stopped. Agression and self agression stopped. It's all coming back now, but that's for another time. I agree and disagree with other comments. I think works best for younger children. I think it needs to be playfully, and needs to be something your kid likes it. It needs to be done at home (that's where the "bad behaviour" comes out because it's where they feel more safe), and needs to be done in parents presence, and parents need to guide what they want from the therapy and what they don't want. Remember those charts kid gains a star when they accomplish any chore or task? This came from ABA. ABA changed a lot over time specially last years and yes, feels like training because, it is training. The reward system is not from ABA. Even if you love your work, I bet you work for the money. Reward is something intricate in our dopaminergic systems, and autistic dopaminergic system is something that really differs from typical ones. Maybe that's why ABA is indicated, but there are alternatives. There's a parent here that answer this stating the 3 ABA clinics theirs child went, and what didn't work on each. It's a great source of info you should check it out. I think 40 hours of anything is too much for any kid., My level 1 guy does OT and Play therapy (it’s regular therapy but they play as they talk because he’s violent.) and he did speech for two years., Maybe check out Early Start Denver Model. Our 5 year old was diagnosed level one with ADHD. We have sought out neuro affirming OT and SLP (I literally googled the term and my area). This type of practice comes from the social rather than medical model. We are in the waitlist for a behavioral therapy place that acknowledges the harm of ABA but works on supporting families when dealing with behaviors. Our kiddo has started self-harming at 5 and the reality is that the other therapists are not equipped to support us around that. And play therapy was very unsuccessful. We just met with someone from the Behavioral practice for some parent coaching and it was incredibly helpful for us as parents., Can you describe your specific concerns about ABA? Have you set up an appointment with a clinic? Or are you just going on what you read on the internet?, OT/ST are typically the other therapies in the ASD toolkit. ABA can be effective but typically only when the child is younger, which is why most places stop seeing them after they turn 5. If she’s low support needs, and transitions easily, and you feel confident in her ability for independence when she’s an adult then keep doing what you’re doing. If you do look into it further then find one that is overseen by a BCBA., OT and speech therapy will be important! Same with preschool. Please look into: [https://autisticadvocacy.org](https://autisticadvocacy.org) It's an autism support group run by autistic adults. They have a lot to say about ABA., "Many don't like hearing about level 1s on this sub and tend to downvote or say "just feel lucky you dont have a kid like mine". " That's sad. I'm sorry that others feel that way, but my kid's challenges are real and we're trying to navigate this situation just like everybody else is navigating theirs., We are using the same with our child (also PT/OT), but it has been so amazing for him!, It looks like dog training to me. My child is a human being, not a labrador retriever. We had one appointment in which ABA therapies were used and that was enough for me. I also am lucky to live in an area that has a fairly influential grassroots disability advocacy group, MoDE ([https://www.moempower.com/](https://www.moempower.com/)), and a number of parents involved with that group are not fans of the approach, either., I have a level 1 kid and have not felt that way. So I don’t know., Which is absolutely frustrating, but the core concept of ABA is to teach that if you participate in a group setting/follow directions you will most likely get a reward. Now unfortunately nuance is usually lost on small children which is why the break down of aba is typically do a task and then if the child completes the task they are rewarded. One of the reasons for its success typically it’s pretty clear cut for the child., I've got a level 1 four year old and I also received the same literature. We are currently choosing not to pursue ABA and instead are on wait lists for OT and an evaluation for speech. We will pick and choose the therapies that work best for her and in the long run we are keeping an open mind for home schooling and private schooling if our daughter is not thriving in public. Just a heads up, there are people on this sub who's children need significant support. Many don't like hearing about level 1s on this sub and tend to downvote or say "just feel lucky you dont have a kid like mine". Don't take it personally. , I went through the same thing recently with my almost 4 year old. We needed the diagnosis for insurance reasons and went with the first opening for an assessment at the first available clinic. It was a TOTAL of 1.5 hours and they came back with a level 2 diagnosis, on top of an intellectual disability. They then HIGHLY pushed ABA, saying it was more important than anything else at this level and I need to get him on any and all waitlists, including theirs. At first it was very overwhelming and upsetting to hear. But the more I thought about it, the more angry I became. You met my son for 90 minutes total, 10 of those spent on a very strange IQ test (I was in the room the entire time, and could barely understand the testers line of questions myself) and come back telling me he has an intellectual disability on top of needing 40 hours of ABA training? Telling me it's more important to do it now, while he's basically "trainable" and will be easier to function in kindergarten. Right now he's in part time preschool, with an IEP. He also does private speech and OT therapy each twice a week. They all can't sing his praises enough. He's in the general ed classroom and doesn't need a 1:1 para, the class para just helps him on certain tasks. With his IEP, the school OT, speech, and autism specialist meet with him once to 3 times a week in and out of the room. They think he will get even better moving forward to full time next year. Private speech and OT are helping him leaps and bounds as well. The testers tried to say I should have him quit all that and just focus on ABA. I knew at that moment they were trying to push it because of the financial incentive for them. They tried to say I should apply at other places as well, but they could put me on their list right away. I just said yes to get out of their quicker and get my paperwork. I trust the people who see my son every day/week over people who barely met him for less than 2 hours. It might be something to think of down the line, it might not. I did my research, but the biggest thing is trusting my gut about how I know my own child. I'm not going to take him out of the things that are helping him now, to put him into something that people still can't agree on whether it is beneficial or not., What you're looking for is dir floortime. We did it with my kid and he's absolutely flourishing. I recommend the training course though www.icdl.com . The dir floortime model is a developmental model rather than a behavioral model. It's play based and done by the parents. We used all dir floortime professionals for ot and speech. Also helps to sometimes have just a vanilla therapist to work with and model off of. At 5.5 my kid is fully conversational, can do a one on one play date, play board games, do pretend play, play role playing games, etc. Obviously every kid is different, but I honestly believe he's made so much progress because of floortime. My wife believes in it so strongly she got trained as a therapist. I also recommend the icdl coaching. It's really affordable and they set you up with amazing people. Www.dirdirectory.com to find practitioners near you., First and foremost, I want to commend you for trusting your instincts as a parent. You know your daughter better than anyone else, and it's essential to advocate for her needs and preferences. I hear your concerns about ABA therapy, and I want to reassure you that there are indeed alternative approaches if you decide you don't want to go that route. It's wonderful that your daughter is already seeing a speech pathologist and attending a preschool program tailored to neurodivergent children! Here are several other options you might consider exploring: \- Developmental approaches (like [DIR model, Floortime](https://www.icdl.com/dir)) focus on building relationships and supporting the child's overall development in a natural and supportive environment. They often prioritize understanding the underlying reasons for behaviors and promoting meaningful interactions. \- Occupational therapy can address sensory processing, motor skills, and daily living skills, all of which are essential for children with autism to thrive and participate fully in various activities. \- Play therapy or play-based interventions can be particularly effective for children with autism, as play is a natural way for them to learn and communicate. These interventions use play to promote social interaction, imagination, and emotional expression. I definitely recommend researching and exploring different options to find what works best for your daughter. Trust your instincts and continue advocating for her. Remember that you're not alone in this journey, and there are professionals and resources available to support you every step of the way!, My kid got his diagnosis around 5. But we were dealing with agressive behaviours since 3. When self harm begin we start our quest, and I agree with you, it's a relief to know it's something more than "all kids are this way" or "maybe you need change your parenting style". We started with OT and helped a lot. Then some psycho therapies that wasn't ABA. We weren't clear what the therapies were working on but self regulation and emotional self knowledge. Wasn't doing much. Then we get him 4 hour per week ABA sessions, at home. It helped a lot. We saw him developing his line of thoughts. Echolalia stopped. Agression and self agression stopped. It's all coming back now, but that's for another time. I agree and disagree with other comments. I think works best for younger children. I think it needs to be playfully, and needs to be something your kid likes it. It needs to be done at home (that's where the "bad behaviour" comes out because it's where they feel more safe), and needs to be done in parents presence, and parents need to guide what they want from the therapy and what they don't want. Remember those charts kid gains a star when they accomplish any chore or task? This came from ABA. ABA changed a lot over time specially last years and yes, feels like training because, it is training. The reward system is not from ABA. Even if you love your work, I bet you work for the money. Reward is something intricate in our dopaminergic systems, and autistic dopaminergic system is something that really differs from typical ones. Maybe that's why ABA is indicated, but there are alternatives. There's a parent here that answer this stating the 3 ABA clinics theirs child went, and what didn't work on each. It's a great source of info you should check it out. I think 40 hours of anything is too much for any kid., My level 1 guy does OT and Play therapy (it’s regular therapy but they play as they talk because he’s violent.) and he did speech for two years., Maybe check out Early Start Denver Model. Our 5 year old was diagnosed level one with ADHD. We have sought out neuro affirming OT and SLP (I literally googled the term and my area). This type of practice comes from the social rather than medical model. We are in the waitlist for a behavioral therapy place that acknowledges the harm of ABA but works on supporting families when dealing with behaviors. Our kiddo has started self-harming at 5 and the reality is that the other therapists are not equipped to support us around that. And play therapy was very unsuccessful. We just met with someone from the Behavioral practice for some parent coaching and it was incredibly helpful for us as parents., Can you describe your specific concerns about ABA? Have you set up an appointment with a clinic? Or are you just going on what you read on the internet?, OT/ST are typically the other therapies in the ASD toolkit. ABA can be effective but typically only when the child is younger, which is why most places stop seeing them after they turn 5. If she’s low support needs, and transitions easily, and you feel confident in her ability for independence when she’s an adult then keep doing what you’re doing. If you do look into it further then find one that is overseen by a BCBA., OT and speech therapy will be important! Same with preschool. Please look into: [https://autisticadvocacy.org](https://autisticadvocacy.org) It's an autism support group run by autistic adults. They have a lot to say about ABA., "Many don't like hearing about level 1s on this sub and tend to downvote or say "just feel lucky you dont have a kid like mine". " That's sad. I'm sorry that others feel that way, but my kid's challenges are real and we're trying to navigate this situation just like everybody else is navigating theirs., We are using the same with our child (also PT/OT), but it has been so amazing for him!, It looks like dog training to me. My child is a human being, not a labrador retriever. We had one appointment in which ABA therapies were used and that was enough for me. I also am lucky to live in an area that has a fairly influential grassroots disability advocacy group, MoDE ([https://www.moempower.com/](https://www.moempower.com/)), and a number of parents involved with that group are not fans of the approach, either., I have a level 1 kid and have not felt that way. So I don’t know., Which is absolutely frustrating, but the core concept of ABA is to teach that if you participate in a group setting/follow directions you will most likely get a reward. Now unfortunately nuance is usually lost on small children which is why the break down of aba is typically do a task and then if the child completes the task they are rewarded. One of the reasons for its success typically it’s pretty clear cut for the child., I've got a level 1 four year old and I also received the same literature. We are currently choosing not to pursue ABA and instead are on wait lists for OT and an evaluation for speech. We will pick and choose the therapies that work best for her and in the long run we are keeping an open mind for home schooling and private schooling if our daughter is not thriving in public. Just a heads up, there are people on this sub who's children need significant support. Many don't like hearing about level 1s on this sub and tend to downvote or say "just feel lucky you dont have a kid like mine". Don't take it personally. , I went through the same thing recently with my almost 4 year old. We needed the diagnosis for insurance reasons and went with the first opening for an assessment at the first available clinic. It was a TOTAL of 1.5 hours and they came back with a level 2 diagnosis, on top of an intellectual disability. They then HIGHLY pushed ABA, saying it was more important than anything else at this level and I need to get him on any and all waitlists, including theirs. At first it was very overwhelming and upsetting to hear. But the more I thought about it, the more angry I became. You met my son for 90 minutes total, 10 of those spent on a very strange IQ test (I was in the room the entire time, and could barely understand the testers line of questions myself) and come back telling me he has an intellectual disability on top of needing 40 hours of ABA training? Telling me it's more important to do it now, while he's basically "trainable" and will be easier to function in kindergarten. Right now he's in part time preschool, with an IEP. He also does private speech and OT therapy each twice a week. They all can't sing his praises enough. He's in the general ed classroom and doesn't need a 1:1 para, the class para just helps him on certain tasks. With his IEP, the school OT, speech, and autism specialist meet with him once to 3 times a week in and out of the room. They think he will get even better moving forward to full time next year. Private speech and OT are helping him leaps and bounds as well. The testers tried to say I should have him quit all that and just focus on ABA. I knew at that moment they were trying to push it because of the financial incentive for them. They tried to say I should apply at other places as well, but they could put me on their list right away. I just said yes to get out of their quicker and get my paperwork. I trust the people who see my son every day/week over people who barely met him for less than 2 hours. It might be something to think of down the line, it might not. I did my research, but the biggest thing is trusting my gut about how I know my own child. I'm not going to take him out of the things that are helping him now, to put him into something that people still can't agree on whether it is beneficial or not., What you're looking for is dir floortime. We did it with my kid and he's absolutely flourishing. I recommend the training course though www.icdl.com . The dir floortime model is a developmental model rather than a behavioral model. It's play based and done by the parents. We used all dir floortime professionals for ot and speech. Also helps to sometimes have just a vanilla therapist to work with and model off of. At 5.5 my kid is fully conversational, can do a one on one play date, play board games, do pretend play, play role playing games, etc. Obviously every kid is different, but I honestly believe he's made so much progress because of floortime. My wife believes in it so strongly she got trained as a therapist. I also recommend the icdl coaching. It's really affordable and they set you up with amazing people. Www.dirdirectory.com to find practitioners near you., First and foremost, I want to commend you for trusting your instincts as a parent. You know your daughter better than anyone else, and it's essential to advocate for her needs and preferences. I hear your concerns about ABA therapy, and I want to reassure you that there are indeed alternative approaches if you decide you don't want to go that route. It's wonderful that your daughter is already seeing a speech pathologist and attending a preschool program tailored to neurodivergent children! Here are several other options you might consider exploring: \- Developmental approaches (like [DIR model, Floortime](https://www.icdl.com/dir)) focus on building relationships and supporting the child's overall development in a natural and supportive environment. They often prioritize understanding the underlying reasons for behaviors and promoting meaningful interactions. \- Occupational therapy can address sensory processing, motor skills, and daily living skills, all of which are essential for children with autism to thrive and participate fully in various activities. \- Play therapy or play-based interventions can be particularly effective for children with autism, as play is a natural way for them to learn and communicate. These interventions use play to promote social interaction, imagination, and emotional expression. I definitely recommend researching and exploring different options to find what works best for your daughter. Trust your instincts and continue advocating for her. Remember that you're not alone in this journey, and there are professionals and resources available to support you every step of the way!, My kid got his diagnosis around 5. But we were dealing with agressive behaviours since 3. When self harm begin we start our quest, and I agree with you, it's a relief to know it's something more than "all kids are this way" or "maybe you need change your parenting style". We started with OT and helped a lot. Then some psycho therapies that wasn't ABA. We weren't clear what the therapies were working on but self regulation and emotional self knowledge. Wasn't doing much. Then we get him 4 hour per week ABA sessions, at home. It helped a lot. We saw him developing his line of thoughts. Echolalia stopped. Agression and self agression stopped. It's all coming back now, but that's for another time. I agree and disagree with other comments. I think works best for younger children. I think it needs to be playfully, and needs to be something your kid likes it. It needs to be done at home (that's where the "bad behaviour" comes out because it's where they feel more safe), and needs to be done in parents presence, and parents need to guide what they want from the therapy and what they don't want. Remember those charts kid gains a star when they accomplish any chore or task? This came from ABA. ABA changed a lot over time specially last years and yes, feels like training because, it is training. The reward system is not from ABA. Even if you love your work, I bet you work for the money. Reward is something intricate in our dopaminergic systems, and autistic dopaminergic system is something that really differs from typical ones. Maybe that's why ABA is indicated, but there are alternatives. There's a parent here that answer this stating the 3 ABA clinics theirs child went, and what didn't work on each. It's a great source of info you should check it out. I think 40 hours of anything is too much for any kid., My level 1 guy does OT and Play therapy (it’s regular therapy but they play as they talk because he’s violent.) and he did speech for two years., Maybe check out Early Start Denver Model. Our 5 year old was diagnosed level one with ADHD. We have sought out neuro affirming OT and SLP (I literally googled the term and my area). This type of practice comes from the social rather than medical model. We are in the waitlist for a behavioral therapy place that acknowledges the harm of ABA but works on supporting families when dealing with behaviors. Our kiddo has started self-harming at 5 and the reality is that the other therapists are not equipped to support us around that. And play therapy was very unsuccessful. We just met with someone from the Behavioral practice for some parent coaching and it was incredibly helpful for us as parents., Can you describe your specific concerns about ABA? Have you set up an appointment with a clinic? Or are you just going on what you read on the internet?, OT/ST are typically the other therapies in the ASD toolkit. ABA can be effective but typically only when the child is younger, which is why most places stop seeing them after they turn 5. If she’s low support needs, and transitions easily, and you feel confident in her ability for independence when she’s an adult then keep doing what you’re doing. If you do look into it further then find one that is overseen by a BCBA., OT and speech therapy will be important! Same with preschool. Please look into: [https://autisticadvocacy.org](https://autisticadvocacy.org) It's an autism support group run by autistic adults. They have a lot to say about ABA., "Many don't like hearing about level 1s on this sub and tend to downvote or say "just feel lucky you dont have a kid like mine". " That's sad. I'm sorry that others feel that way, but my kid's challenges are real and we're trying to navigate this situation just like everybody else is navigating theirs., We are using the same with our child (also PT/OT), but it has been so amazing for him!, It looks like dog training to me. My child is a human being, not a labrador retriever. We had one appointment in which ABA therapies were used and that was enough for me. I also am lucky to live in an area that has a fairly influential grassroots disability advocacy group, MoDE ([https://www.moempower.com/](https://www.moempower.com/)), and a number of parents involved with that group are not fans of the approach, either., I have a level 1 kid and have not felt that way. So I don’t know., Which is absolutely frustrating, but the core concept of ABA is to teach that if you participate in a group setting/follow directions you will most likely get a reward. Now unfortunately nuance is usually lost on small children which is why the break down of aba is typically do a task and then if the child completes the task they are rewarded. One of the reasons for its success typically it’s pretty clear cut for the child., I've got a level 1 four year old and I also received the same literature. We are currently choosing not to pursue ABA and instead are on wait lists for OT and an evaluation for speech. We will pick and choose the therapies that work best for her and in the long run we are keeping an open mind for home schooling and private schooling if our daughter is not thriving in public. Just a heads up, there are people on this sub who's children need significant support. Many don't like hearing about level 1s on this sub and tend to downvote or say "just feel lucky you dont have a kid like mine". Don't take it personally. , I went through the same thing recently with my almost 4 year old. We needed the diagnosis for insurance reasons and went with the first opening for an assessment at the first available clinic. It was a TOTAL of 1.5 hours and they came back with a level 2 diagnosis, on top of an intellectual disability. They then HIGHLY pushed ABA, saying it was more important than anything else at this level and I need to get him on any and all waitlists, including theirs. At first it was very overwhelming and upsetting to hear. But the more I thought about it, the more angry I became. You met my son for 90 minutes total, 10 of those spent on a very strange IQ test (I was in the room the entire time, and could barely understand the testers line of questions myself) and come back telling me he has an intellectual disability on top of needing 40 hours of ABA training? Telling me it's more important to do it now, while he's basically "trainable" and will be easier to function in kindergarten. Right now he's in part time preschool, with an IEP. He also does private speech and OT therapy each twice a week. They all can't sing his praises enough. He's in the general ed classroom and doesn't need a 1:1 para, the class para just helps him on certain tasks. With his IEP, the school OT, speech, and autism specialist meet with him once to 3 times a week in and out of the room. They think he will get even better moving forward to full time next year. Private speech and OT are helping him leaps and bounds as well. The testers tried to say I should have him quit all that and just focus on ABA. I knew at that moment they were trying to push it because of the financial incentive for them. They tried to say I should apply at other places as well, but they could put me on their list right away. I just said yes to get out of their quicker and get my paperwork. I trust the people who see my son every day/week over people who barely met him for less than 2 hours. It might be something to think of down the line, it might not. I did my research, but the biggest thing is trusting my gut about how I know my own child. I'm not going to take him out of the things that are helping him now, to put him into something that people still can't agree on whether it is beneficial or not., What you're looking for is dir floortime. We did it with my kid and he's absolutely flourishing. I recommend the training course though www.icdl.com . The dir floortime model is a developmental model rather than a behavioral model. It's play based and done by the parents. We used all dir floortime professionals for ot and speech. Also helps to sometimes have just a vanilla therapist to work with and model off of. At 5.5 my kid is fully conversational, can do a one on one play date, play board games, do pretend play, play role playing games, etc. Obviously every kid is different, but I honestly believe he's made so much progress because of floortime. My wife believes in it so strongly she got trained as a therapist. I also recommend the icdl coaching. It's really affordable and they set you up with amazing people. Www.dirdirectory.com to find practitioners near you., First and foremost, I want to commend you for trusting your instincts as a parent. You know your daughter better than anyone else, and it's essential to advocate for her needs and preferences. I hear your concerns about ABA therapy, and I want to reassure you that there are indeed alternative approaches if you decide you don't want to go that route. It's wonderful that your daughter is already seeing a speech pathologist and attending a preschool program tailored to neurodivergent children! Here are several other options you might consider exploring: \- Developmental approaches (like [DIR model, Floortime](https://www.icdl.com/dir)) focus on building relationships and supporting the child's overall development in a natural and supportive environment. They often prioritize understanding the underlying reasons for behaviors and promoting meaningful interactions. \- Occupational therapy can address sensory processing, motor skills, and daily living skills, all of which are essential for children with autism to thrive and participate fully in various activities. \- Play therapy or play-based interventions can be particularly effective for children with autism, as play is a natural way for them to learn and communicate. These interventions use play to promote social interaction, imagination, and emotional expression. I definitely recommend researching and exploring different options to find what works best for your daughter. Trust your instincts and continue advocating for her. Remember that you're not alone in this journey, and there are professionals and resources available to support you every step of the way!, My kid got his diagnosis around 5. But we were dealing with agressive behaviours since 3. When self harm begin we start our quest, and I agree with you, it's a relief to know it's something more than "all kids are this way" or "maybe you need change your parenting style". We started with OT and helped a lot. Then some psycho therapies that wasn't ABA. We weren't clear what the therapies were working on but self regulation and emotional self knowledge. Wasn't doing much. Then we get him 4 hour per week ABA sessions, at home. It helped a lot. We saw him developing his line of thoughts. Echolalia stopped. Agression and self agression stopped. It's all coming back now, but that's for another time. I agree and disagree with other comments. I think works best for younger children. I think it needs to be playfully, and needs to be something your kid likes it. It needs to be done at home (that's where the "bad behaviour" comes out because it's where they feel more safe), and needs to be done in parents presence, and parents need to guide what they want from the therapy and what they don't want. Remember those charts kid gains a star when they accomplish any chore or task? This came from ABA. ABA changed a lot over time specially last years and yes, feels like training because, it is training. The reward system is not from ABA. Even if you love your work, I bet you work for the money. Reward is something intricate in our dopaminergic systems, and autistic dopaminergic system is something that really differs from typical ones. Maybe that's why ABA is indicated, but there are alternatives. There's a parent here that answer this stating the 3 ABA clinics theirs child went, and what didn't work on each. It's a great source of info you should check it out. I think 40 hours of anything is too much for any kid., My level 1 guy does OT and Play therapy (it’s regular therapy but they play as they talk because he’s violent.) and he did speech for two years., Maybe check out Early Start Denver Model. Our 5 year old was diagnosed level one with ADHD. We have sought out neuro affirming OT and SLP (I literally googled the term and my area). This type of practice comes from the social rather than medical model. We are in the waitlist for a behavioral therapy place that acknowledges the harm of ABA but works on supporting families when dealing with behaviors. Our kiddo has started self-harming at 5 and the reality is that the other therapists are not equipped to support us around that. And play therapy was very unsuccessful. We just met with someone from the Behavioral practice for some parent coaching and it was incredibly helpful for us as parents., Can you describe your specific concerns about ABA? Have you set up an appointment with a clinic? Or are you just going on what you read on the internet?, OT/ST are typically the other therapies in the ASD toolkit. ABA can be effective but typically only when the child is younger, which is why most places stop seeing them after they turn 5. If she’s low support needs, and transitions easily, and you feel confident in her ability for independence when she’s an adult then keep doing what you’re doing. If you do look into it further then find one that is overseen by a BCBA., OT and speech therapy will be important! Same with preschool. Please look into: [https://autisticadvocacy.org](https://autisticadvocacy.org) It's an autism support group run by autistic adults. They have a lot to say about ABA., "Many don't like hearing about level 1s on this sub and tend to downvote or say "just feel lucky you dont have a kid like mine". " That's sad. I'm sorry that others feel that way, but my kid's challenges are real and we're trying to navigate this situation just like everybody else is navigating theirs., We are using the same with our child (also PT/OT), but it has been so amazing for him!, It looks like dog training to me. My child is a human being, not a labrador retriever. We had one appointment in which ABA therapies were used and that was enough for me. I also am lucky to live in an area that has a fairly influential grassroots disability advocacy group, MoDE ([https://www.moempower.com/](https://www.moempower.com/)), and a number of parents involved with that group are not fans of the approach, either., I have a level 1 kid and have not felt that way. So I don’t know., Which is absolutely frustrating, but the core concept of ABA is to teach that if you participate in a group setting/follow directions you will most likely get a reward. Now unfortunately nuance is usually lost on small children which is why the break down of aba is typically do a task and then if the child completes the task they are rewarded. One of the reasons for its success typically it’s pretty clear cut for the child., I've got a level 1 four year old and I also received the same literature. We are currently choosing not to pursue ABA and instead are on wait lists for OT and an evaluation for speech. We will pick and choose the therapies that work best for her and in the long run we are keeping an open mind for home schooling and private schooling if our daughter is not thriving in public. Just a heads up, there are people on this sub who's children need significant support. Many don't like hearing about level 1s on this sub and tend to downvote or say "just feel lucky you dont have a kid like mine". Don't take it personally. , I went through the same thing recently with my almost 4 year old. We needed the diagnosis for insurance reasons and went with the first opening for an assessment at the first available clinic. It was a TOTAL of 1.5 hours and they came back with a level 2 diagnosis, on top of an intellectual disability. They then HIGHLY pushed ABA, saying it was more important than anything else at this level and I need to get him on any and all waitlists, including theirs. At first it was very overwhelming and upsetting to hear. But the more I thought about it, the more angry I became. You met my son for 90 minutes total, 10 of those spent on a very strange IQ test (I was in the room the entire time, and could barely understand the testers line of questions myself) and come back telling me he has an intellectual disability on top of needing 40 hours of ABA training? Telling me it's more important to do it now, while he's basically "trainable" and will be easier to function in kindergarten. Right now he's in part time preschool, with an IEP. He also does private speech and OT therapy each twice a week. They all can't sing his praises enough. He's in the general ed classroom and doesn't need a 1:1 para, the class para just helps him on certain tasks. With his IEP, the school OT, speech, and autism specialist meet with him once to 3 times a week in and out of the room. They think he will get even better moving forward to full time next year. Private speech and OT are helping him leaps and bounds as well. The testers tried to say I should have him quit all that and just focus on ABA. I knew at that moment they were trying to push it because of the financial incentive for them. They tried to say I should apply at other places as well, but they could put me on their list right away. I just said yes to get out of their quicker and get my paperwork. I trust the people who see my son every day/week over people who barely met him for less than 2 hours. It might be something to think of down the line, it might not. I did my research, but the biggest thing is trusting my gut about how I know my own child. I'm not going to take him out of the things that are helping him now, to put him into something that people still can't agree on whether it is beneficial or not., What you're looking for is dir floortime. We did it with my kid and he's absolutely flourishing. I recommend the training course though www.icdl.com . The dir floortime model is a developmental model rather than a behavioral model. It's play based and done by the parents. We used all dir floortime professionals for ot and speech. Also helps to sometimes have just a vanilla therapist to work with and model off of. At 5.5 my kid is fully conversational, can do a one on one play date, play board games, do pretend play, play role playing games, etc. Obviously every kid is different, but I honestly believe he's made so much progress because of floortime. My wife believes in it so strongly she got trained as a therapist. I also recommend the icdl coaching. It's really affordable and they set you up with amazing people. Www.dirdirectory.com to find practitioners near you., First and foremost, I want to commend you for trusting your instincts as a parent. You know your daughter better than anyone else, and it's essential to advocate for her needs and preferences. I hear your concerns about ABA therapy, and I want to reassure you that there are indeed alternative approaches if you decide you don't want to go that route. It's wonderful that your daughter is already seeing a speech pathologist and attending a preschool program tailored to neurodivergent children! Here are several other options you might consider exploring: \- Developmental approaches (like [DIR model, Floortime](https://www.icdl.com/dir)) focus on building relationships and supporting the child's overall development in a natural and supportive environment. They often prioritize understanding the underlying reasons for behaviors and promoting meaningful interactions. \- Occupational therapy can address sensory processing, motor skills, and daily living skills, all of which are essential for children with autism to thrive and participate fully in various activities. \- Play therapy or play-based interventions can be particularly effective for children with autism, as play is a natural way for them to learn and communicate. These interventions use play to promote social interaction, imagination, and emotional expression. I definitely recommend researching and exploring different options to find what works best for your daughter. Trust your instincts and continue advocating for her. Remember that you're not alone in this journey, and there are professionals and resources available to support you every step of the way!, My kid got his diagnosis around 5. But we were dealing with agressive behaviours since 3. When self harm begin we start our quest, and I agree with you, it's a relief to know it's something more than "all kids are this way" or "maybe you need change your parenting style". We started with OT and helped a lot. Then some psycho therapies that wasn't ABA. We weren't clear what the therapies were working on but self regulation and emotional self knowledge. Wasn't doing much. Then we get him 4 hour per week ABA sessions, at home. It helped a lot. We saw him developing his line of thoughts. Echolalia stopped. Agression and self agression stopped. It's all coming back now, but that's for another time. I agree and disagree with other comments. I think works best for younger children. I think it needs to be playfully, and needs to be something your kid likes it. It needs to be done at home (that's where the "bad behaviour" comes out because it's where they feel more safe), and needs to be done in parents presence, and parents need to guide what they want from the therapy and what they don't want. Remember those charts kid gains a star when they accomplish any chore or task? This came from ABA. ABA changed a lot over time specially last years and yes, feels like training because, it is training. The reward system is not from ABA. Even if you love your work, I bet you work for the money. Reward is something intricate in our dopaminergic systems, and autistic dopaminergic system is something that really differs from typical ones. Maybe that's why ABA is indicated, but there are alternatives. There's a parent here that answer this stating the 3 ABA clinics theirs child went, and what didn't work on each. It's a great source of info you should check it out. I think 40 hours of anything is too much for any kid., My level 1 guy does OT and Play therapy (it’s regular therapy but they play as they talk because he’s violent.) and he did speech for two years., Maybe check out Early Start Denver Model. Our 5 year old was diagnosed level one with ADHD. We have sought out neuro affirming OT and SLP (I literally googled the term and my area). This type of practice comes from the social rather than medical model. We are in the waitlist for a behavioral therapy place that acknowledges the harm of ABA but works on supporting families when dealing with behaviors. Our kiddo has started self-harming at 5 and the reality is that the other therapists are not equipped to support us around that. And play therapy was very unsuccessful. We just met with someone from the Behavioral practice for some parent coaching and it was incredibly helpful for us as parents., Can you describe your specific concerns about ABA? Have you set up an appointment with a clinic? Or are you just going on what you read on the internet?, OT/ST are typically the other therapies in the ASD toolkit. ABA can be effective but typically only when the child is younger, which is why most places stop seeing them after they turn 5. If she’s low support needs, and transitions easily, and you feel confident in her ability for independence when she’s an adult then keep doing what you’re doing. If you do look into it further then find one that is overseen by a BCBA., OT and speech therapy will be important! Same with preschool. Please look into: [https://autisticadvocacy.org](https://autisticadvocacy.org) It's an autism support group run by autistic adults. They have a lot to say about ABA., "Many don't like hearing about level 1s on this sub and tend to downvote or say "just feel lucky you dont have a kid like mine". " That's sad. I'm sorry that others feel that way, but my kid's challenges are real and we're trying to navigate this situation just like everybody else is navigating theirs., We are using the same with our child (also PT/OT), but it has been so amazing for him!, It looks like dog training to me. My child is a human being, not a labrador retriever. We had one appointment in which ABA therapies were used and that was enough for me. I also am lucky to live in an area that has a fairly influential grassroots disability advocacy group, MoDE ([https://www.moempower.com/](https://www.moempower.com/)), and a number of parents involved with that group are not fans of the approach, either., I have a level 1 kid and have not felt that way. So I don’t know., Which is absolutely frustrating, but the core concept of ABA is to teach that if you participate in a group setting/follow directions you will most likely get a reward. Now unfortunately nuance is usually lost on small children which is why the break down of aba is typically do a task and then if the child completes the task they are rewarded. One of the reasons for its success typically it’s pretty clear cut for the child., I've got a level 1 four year old and I also received the same literature. We are currently choosing not to pursue ABA and instead are on wait lists for OT and an evaluation for speech. We will pick and choose the therapies that work best for her and in the long run we are keeping an open mind for home schooling and private schooling if our daughter is not thriving in public. Just a heads up, there are people on this sub who's children need significant support. Many don't like hearing about level 1s on this sub and tend to downvote or say "just feel lucky you dont have a kid like mine". Don't take it personally. , I went through the same thing recently with my almost 4 year old. We needed the diagnosis for insurance reasons and went with the first opening for an assessment at the first available clinic. It was a TOTAL of 1.5 hours and they came back with a level 2 diagnosis, on top of an intellectual disability. They then HIGHLY pushed ABA, saying it was more important than anything else at this level and I need to get him on any and all waitlists, including theirs. At first it was very overwhelming and upsetting to hear. But the more I thought about it, the more angry I became. You met my son for 90 minutes total, 10 of those spent on a very strange IQ test (I was in the room the entire time, and could barely understand the testers line of questions myself) and come back telling me he has an intellectual disability on top of needing 40 hours of ABA training? Telling me it's more important to do it now, while he's basically "trainable" and will be easier to function in kindergarten. Right now he's in part time preschool, with an IEP. He also does private speech and OT therapy each twice a week. They all can't sing his praises enough. He's in the general ed classroom and doesn't need a 1:1 para, the class para just helps him on certain tasks. With his IEP, the school OT, speech, and autism specialist meet with him once to 3 times a week in and out of the room. They think he will get even better moving forward to full time next year. Private speech and OT are helping him leaps and bounds as well. The testers tried to say I should have him quit all that and just focus on ABA. I knew at that moment they were trying to push it because of the financial incentive for them. They tried to say I should apply at other places as well, but they could put me on their list right away. I just said yes to get out of their quicker and get my paperwork. I trust the people who see my son every day/week over people who barely met him for less than 2 hours. It might be something to think of down the line, it might not. I did my research, but the biggest thing is trusting my gut about how I know my own child. I'm not going to take him out of the things that are helping him now, to put him into something that people still can't agree on whether it is beneficial or not., What you're looking for is dir floortime. We did it with my kid and he's absolutely flourishing. I recommend the training course though www.icdl.com . The dir floortime model is a developmental model rather than a behavioral model. It's play based and done by the parents. We used all dir floortime professionals for ot and speech. Also helps to sometimes have just a vanilla therapist to work with and model off of. At 5.5 my kid is fully conversational, can do a one on one play date, play board games, do pretend play, play role playing games, etc. Obviously every kid is different, but I honestly believe he's made so much progress because of floortime. My wife believes in it so strongly she got trained as a therapist. I also recommend the icdl coaching. It's really affordable and they set you up with amazing people. Www.dirdirectory.com to find practitioners near you., First and foremost, I want to commend you for trusting your instincts as a parent. You know your daughter better than anyone else, and it's essential to advocate for her needs and preferences. I hear your concerns about ABA therapy, and I want to reassure you that there are indeed alternative approaches if you decide you don't want to go that route. It's wonderful that your daughter is already seeing a speech pathologist and attending a preschool program tailored to neurodivergent children! Here are several other options you might consider exploring: \- Developmental approaches (like [DIR model, Floortime](https://www.icdl.com/dir)) focus on building relationships and supporting the child's overall development in a natural and supportive environment. They often prioritize understanding the underlying reasons for behaviors and promoting meaningful interactions. \- Occupational therapy can address sensory processing, motor skills, and daily living skills, all of which are essential for children with autism to thrive and participate fully in various activities. \- Play therapy or play-based interventions can be particularly effective for children with autism, as play is a natural way for them to learn and communicate. These interventions use play to promote social interaction, imagination, and emotional expression. I definitely recommend researching and exploring different options to find what works best for your daughter. Trust your instincts and continue advocating for her. Remember that you're not alone in this journey, and there are professionals and resources available to support you every step of the way!, My kid got his diagnosis around 5. But we were dealing with agressive behaviours since 3. When self harm begin we start our quest, and I agree with you, it's a relief to know it's something more than "all kids are this way" or "maybe you need change your parenting style". We started with OT and helped a lot. Then some psycho therapies that wasn't ABA. We weren't clear what the therapies were working on but self regulation and emotional self knowledge. Wasn't doing much. Then we get him 4 hour per week ABA sessions, at home. It helped a lot. We saw him developing his line of thoughts. Echolalia stopped. Agression and self agression stopped. It's all coming back now, but that's for another time. I agree and disagree with other comments. I think works best for younger children. I think it needs to be playfully, and needs to be something your kid likes it. It needs to be done at home (that's where the "bad behaviour" comes out because it's where they feel more safe), and needs to be done in parents presence, and parents need to guide what they want from the therapy and what they don't want. Remember those charts kid gains a star when they accomplish any chore or task? This came from ABA. ABA changed a lot over time specially last years and yes, feels like training because, it is training. The reward system is not from ABA. Even if you love your work, I bet you work for the money. Reward is something intricate in our dopaminergic systems, and autistic dopaminergic system is something that really differs from typical ones. Maybe that's why ABA is indicated, but there are alternatives. There's a parent here that answer this stating the 3 ABA clinics theirs child went, and what didn't work on each. It's a great source of info you should check it out. I think 40 hours of anything is too much for any kid., My level 1 guy does OT and Play therapy (it’s regular therapy but they play as they talk because he’s violent.) and he did speech for two years., Maybe check out Early Start Denver Model. Our 5 year old was diagnosed level one with ADHD. We have sought out neuro affirming OT and SLP (I literally googled the term and my area). This type of practice comes from the social rather than medical model. We are in the waitlist for a behavioral therapy place that acknowledges the harm of ABA but works on supporting families when dealing with behaviors. Our kiddo has started self-harming at 5 and the reality is that the other therapists are not equipped to support us around that. And play therapy was very unsuccessful. We just met with someone from the Behavioral practice for some parent coaching and it was incredibly helpful for us as parents., Can you describe your specific concerns about ABA? Have you set up an appointment with a clinic? Or are you just going on what you read on the internet?, OT/ST are typically the other therapies in the ASD toolkit. ABA can be effective but typically only when the child is younger, which is why most places stop seeing them after they turn 5. If she’s low support needs, and transitions easily, and you feel confident in her ability for independence when she’s an adult then keep doing what you’re doing. If you do look into it further then find one that is overseen by a BCBA., OT and speech therapy will be important! Same with preschool. Please look into: [https://autisticadvocacy.org](https://autisticadvocacy.org) It's an autism support group run by autistic adults. They have a lot to say about ABA., "Many don't like hearing about level 1s on this sub and tend to downvote or say "just feel lucky you dont have a kid like mine". " That's sad. I'm sorry that others feel that way, but my kid's challenges are real and we're trying to navigate this situation just like everybody else is navigating theirs., We are using the same with our child (also PT/OT), but it has been so amazing for him!, It looks like dog training to me. My child is a human being, not a labrador retriever. We had one appointment in which ABA therapies were used and that was enough for me. I also am lucky to live in an area that has a fairly influential grassroots disability advocacy group, MoDE ([https://www.moempower.com/](https://www.moempower.com/)), and a number of parents involved with that group are not fans of the approach, either., I have a level 1 kid and have not felt that way. So I don’t know., Which is absolutely frustrating, but the core concept of ABA is to teach that if you participate in a group setting/follow directions you will most likely get a reward. Now unfortunately nuance is usually lost on small children which is why the break down of aba is typically do a task and then if the child completes the task they are rewarded. One of the reasons for its success typically it’s pretty clear cut for the child., I've got a level 1 four year old and I also received the same literature. We are currently choosing not to pursue ABA and instead are on wait lists for OT and an evaluation for speech. We will pick and choose the therapies that work best for her and in the long run we are keeping an open mind for home schooling and private schooling if our daughter is not thriving in public. Just a heads up, there are people on this sub who's children need significant support. Many don't like hearing about level 1s on this sub and tend to downvote or say "just feel lucky you dont have a kid like mine". Don't take it personally. , I went through the same thing recently with my almost 4 year old. We needed the diagnosis for insurance reasons and went with the first opening for an assessment at the first available clinic. It was a TOTAL of 1.5 hours and they came back with a level 2 diagnosis, on top of an intellectual disability. They then HIGHLY pushed ABA, saying it was more important than anything else at this level and I need to get him on any and all waitlists, including theirs. At first it was very overwhelming and upsetting to hear. But the more I thought about it, the more angry I became. You met my son for 90 minutes total, 10 of those spent on a very strange IQ test (I was in the room the entire time, and could barely understand the testers line of questions myself) and come back telling me he has an intellectual disability on top of needing 40 hours of ABA training? Telling me it's more important to do it now, while he's basically "trainable" and will be easier to function in kindergarten. Right now he's in part time preschool, with an IEP. He also does private speech and OT therapy each twice a week. They all can't sing his praises enough. He's in the general ed classroom and doesn't need a 1:1 para, the class para just helps him on certain tasks. With his IEP, the school OT, speech, and autism specialist meet with him once to 3 times a week in and out of the room. They think he will get even better moving forward to full time next year. Private speech and OT are helping him leaps and bounds as well. The testers tried to say I should have him quit all that and just focus on ABA. I knew at that moment they were trying to push it because of the financial incentive for them. They tried to say I should apply at other places as well, but they could put me on their list right away. I just said yes to get out of their quicker and get my paperwork. I trust the people who see my son every day/week over people who barely met him for less than 2 hours. It might be something to think of down the line, it might not. I did my research, but the biggest thing is trusting my gut about how I know my own child. I'm not going to take him out of the things that are helping him now, to put him into something that people still can't agree on whether it is beneficial or not., What you're looking for is dir floortime. We did it with my kid and he's absolutely flourishing. I recommend the training course though www.icdl.com . The dir floortime model is a developmental model rather than a behavioral model. It's play based and done by the parents. We used all dir floortime professionals for ot and speech. Also helps to sometimes have just a vanilla therapist to work with and model off of. At 5.5 my kid is fully conversational, can do a one on one play date, play board games, do pretend play, play role playing games, etc. Obviously every kid is different, but I honestly believe he's made so much progress because of floortime. My wife believes in it so strongly she got trained as a therapist. I also recommend the icdl coaching. It's really affordable and they set you up with amazing people. Www.dirdirectory.com to find practitioners near you., First and foremost, I want to commend you for trusting your instincts as a parent. You know your daughter better than anyone else, and it's essential to advocate for her needs and preferences. I hear your concerns about ABA therapy, and I want to reassure you that there are indeed alternative approaches if you decide you don't want to go that route. It's wonderful that your daughter is already seeing a speech pathologist and attending a preschool program tailored to neurodivergent children! Here are several other options you might consider exploring: \- Developmental approaches (like [DIR model, Floortime](https://www.icdl.com/dir)) focus on building relationships and supporting the child's overall development in a natural and supportive environment. They often prioritize understanding the underlying reasons for behaviors and promoting meaningful interactions. \- Occupational therapy can address sensory processing, motor skills, and daily living skills, all of which are essential for children with autism to thrive and participate fully in various activities. \- Play therapy or play-based interventions can be particularly effective for children with autism, as play is a natural way for them to learn and communicate. These interventions use play to promote social interaction, imagination, and emotional expression. I definitely recommend researching and exploring different options to find what works best for your daughter. Trust your instincts and continue advocating for her. Remember that you're not alone in this journey, and there are professionals and resources available to support you every step of the way!, My kid got his diagnosis around 5. But we were dealing with agressive behaviours since 3. When self harm begin we start our quest, and I agree with you, it's a relief to know it's something more than "all kids are this way" or "maybe you need change your parenting style". We started with OT and helped a lot. Then some psycho therapies that wasn't ABA. We weren't clear what the therapies were working on but self regulation and emotional self knowledge. Wasn't doing much. Then we get him 4 hour per week ABA sessions, at home. It helped a lot. We saw him developing his line of thoughts. Echolalia stopped. Agression and self agression stopped. It's all coming back now, but that's for another time. I agree and disagree with other comments. I think works best for younger children. I think it needs to be playfully, and needs to be something your kid likes it. It needs to be done at home (that's where the "bad behaviour" comes out because it's where they feel more safe), and needs to be done in parents presence, and parents need to guide what they want from the therapy and what they don't want. Remember those charts kid gains a star when they accomplish any chore or task? This came from ABA. ABA changed a lot over time specially last years and yes, feels like training because, it is training. The reward system is not from ABA. Even if you love your work, I bet you work for the money. Reward is something intricate in our dopaminergic systems, and autistic dopaminergic system is something that really differs from typical ones. Maybe that's why ABA is indicated, but there are alternatives. There's a parent here that answer this stating the 3 ABA clinics theirs child went, and what didn't work on each. It's a great source of info you should check it out. I think 40 hours of anything is too much for any kid., My level 1 guy does OT and Play therapy (it’s regular therapy but they play as they talk because he’s violent.) and he did speech for two years., Maybe check out Early Start Denver Model. Our 5 year old was diagnosed level one with ADHD. We have sought out neuro affirming OT and SLP (I literally googled the term and my area). This type of practice comes from the social rather than medical model. We are in the waitlist for a behavioral therapy place that acknowledges the harm of ABA but works on supporting families when dealing with behaviors. Our kiddo has started self-harming at 5 and the reality is that the other therapists are not equipped to support us around that. And play therapy was very unsuccessful. We just met with someone from the Behavioral practice for some parent coaching and it was incredibly helpful for us as parents., Can you describe your specific concerns about ABA? Have you set up an appointment with a clinic? Or are you just going on what you read on the internet?, OT/ST are typically the other therapies in the ASD toolkit. ABA can be effective but typically only when the child is younger, which is why most places stop seeing them after they turn 5. If she’s low support needs, and transitions easily, and you feel confident in her ability for independence when she’s an adult then keep doing what you’re doing. If you do look into it further then find one that is overseen by a BCBA., OT and speech therapy will be important! Same with preschool. Please look into: [https://autisticadvocacy.org](https://autisticadvocacy.org) It's an autism support group run by autistic adults. They have a lot to say about ABA., "Many don't like hearing about level 1s on this sub and tend to downvote or say "just feel lucky you dont have a kid like mine". " That's sad. I'm sorry that others feel that way, but my kid's challenges are real and we're trying to navigate this situation just like everybody else is navigating theirs., We are using the same with our child (also PT/OT), but it has been so amazing for him!, It looks like dog training to me. My child is a human being, not a labrador retriever. We had one appointment in which ABA therapies were used and that was enough for me. I also am lucky to live in an area that has a fairly influential grassroots disability advocacy group, MoDE ([https://www.moempower.com/](https://www.moempower.com/)), and a number of parents involved with that group are not fans of the approach, either., I have a level 1 kid and have not felt that way. So I don’t know., Which is absolutely frustrating, but the core concept of ABA is to teach that if you participate in a group setting/follow directions you will most likely get a reward. Now unfortunately nuance is usually lost on small children which is why the break down of aba is typically do a task and then if the child completes the task they are rewarded. One of the reasons for its success typically it’s pretty clear cut for the child.
Outcomes in undiagnosed vs untreated	I recognize that the “treatment” of an autistic person means there is some “cure”, or need for a cure. I am learning and unlearning a lot about ableism and the language to use but please follow my thought process on this… My son 2.5yo ASD LV1 is in speech and soon OT. EVERY health professional in his life suggests ABA. EVERY diagnosed Autistic adult suggests against it. My brother in law is undiagnosed autistic, but diagnosed with many many other mental health disorders. He even just completed some intense brain stimulating therapy with no avail. He is a great example of what can happen to adults who go undiagnosed their whole lives. On the other hand we hear from diagnosed autistic adults who received the “help” in the form of ABA and the list of trauma and mental health disorders they face. Am I doing more harm to my diagnosed son by keeping him away from behavioral therapy?	Treatment doesn't imply a cure. You can treat tons of incurable things., I initially listened to the extremely online adult autistics and postponing the start of ABA is one of my few regrets in this journey. Our child has been thriving since he began ABA. For him, it's about learning how to make friends, how to have a conversation, how to "read" people's body language, that sort of thing that doesn't come naturally to him. He loves going to his therapy, and his therapists are kind/supportive/gentle. More importantly, he has made incredible progress in connecting with other kids, which is really what he yearns for. He has also become significantly less rigid and more flexible, which means he's more mellow overall. It's been great for him and helpful for us to get advice/techniques from his therapist. Our goal is not to "treat" his autism or to make him "less autistic." It's to help him be himself, be autistic, and be who he wants to be., Do you just happen to know a lot of diagnosed autistic adults who have been to ABA? Or are you talking about people online? The same place where idiots ate tide pods, and screeched about masks and vaccines? Most of those "autistic adults" doing this screeching are self diagnosed and never qualified for ABA to begin with. When questioned, they can only regurgitate the same old crap about suppressing stims which nobody does. You really need to watch out listening to their drivel. Just like this idea that "treatment" is a bad word because it implies a cure. Oh please. They are just finding ways to feel superior to you. You'll soon find half your vocabulary banned. There were bad practices in the past, but ABA today is not ABA from 30 years ago. Just like doctors no longer practice eugenics. What you DO need to worry about is bad practitioners, just like you need to worry about bad teachers, bad day care workers, etc. That being said, for a younger child like yours it can be helpful to teach them potty training, manding, communication, and help with maladaptive behaviors. For older children who are lower level, in my opinion, its just not all that helpful. Not useless either though. For our level 1/2 10 year old they focused on social skills mostly. Like learning how to hold proper conversations with people instead of being annoying and pissing off the kids you want to be friends with then feeling lonely and depressed later. The world is not going to accommodate your lack of social skills, so this is still important. For level 3 high support needs with severe communication deficits, SIB/CB, ABA can be crucial. There is a world of difference between these two groups, and the latter is not the group going around bashing ABA. These "autistic adults" online like to scream that we all need to listen to them and not speak over them, but they are the ones speaking over those most in need and most afflicted., If it helps, we have chosen not to do ABA with our lvl 2 three year old. He does speech, OT and music therapy, and I do Floortime with him. We spoke to his EI team about ABA, and they felt it was a bad fit for him. They explained it involved breaking tasks down into tiny steps, and then drilling those steps over and over again. Doing that for at least 20 hours a week did not feel like a good use of his time, as he is pretty capable of picking things up by himself. It is more a lack of motivation than an inability to understand and sequence the steps, and drilling does not build intrinsic motivation at all. If anything, it damages it. Basically, I think it is a good fit for some kids but not all. If your kid is getting OT and speech, they are not untreated. They are getting two very effective therapies., at first i opted out of ABA then my sons self injuring behaviors had gotten way out of hand. like banging his head and hitting himself so i put him on the waitlist abt 2 months after choosing not to. still on the waitlist!, Also the phrase "EVERY diagnosed autistic adult is against it" is incredibly wrong and insulting. I am a diagnosed autistic adult with multiple diagnosed autistic adult friends and all are very pro ABA. In fact the majority of the loudest anti ABA people are self or undiagnosed and have absolutely no personal experience with it., Treatment=/= cure or need for cure. Not every autistic adult feels X or Y. Your thought process that being undiagnosed and without therapies- especially early therapies- were a big part of my worries for my kid. There is a cost for being a late-diagnosed autistic person who went without and under-treated. However, ABA isn't for every kid with autism. You need to look at your kid and decide if it is right for your kid. I personally had to opt out of the debate of if ABA should be the gold standard or if it shouldn't, etc etc, but instead decide for a single individual- my kid. And if we did it, I would decide every day if it continued to be right for him or if we pull him and pivot. That's all you need to do- decide for your child., There are diagnosed autistics who are not against ABA. There was a post on spicy autism about that today. There are autistic adults who also work in ABA as RBTs and BCBAs. Treatment does not imply cure at all. I think you need to perhaps get off TikTok., When we received the educational diagnosis, we opted not to do ABA based on what I've read from the autistic community and the research I did about it. I just didn't feel that it was a good fit for my son. We did pursue speech therapy and OT, which have been great. Later, when we got the medical diagnosis, the doctor mentioned ABA as a standard recommendation. I said that we had not pursued it and briefly explained why, and she understood, but then I asked if there was anything that she saw in the evaluation process that made her think that there could be specific benefits for my son, with ABA. She mentioned his adaptive skills (he is behind) and that ABA is really good at breaking down tasks into very small and distinct steps to teach them effectively. This was helpful for me to hear because our private OT is great at this - and yes, it does help my son! But since my child is making great progress with his adaptive skills through OT, I gained confidence in my decision to forgo ABA therapy. I will say that if my son was exhibiting behaviors that caused significant danger to himself or others (for example - I know a woman whose child had given themselves concussions through banging their heads and it was ABA that taught them to replace the behaviors) I'd pursue whatever options I could to help stop that harm. Not to say we haven't dealt with our share of "behavior" issues with my son (hitting, property damage, ages 3.5 - 4.5 were intense!) but OT and speech - learning self-regulation and coping skills and how to express himself - as well as a robust IEP and my own learning how to accommodate him - have done wonders, and my son is really thriving now. I guess long story short I'd ask what challenges your child is having and focus on the therapies that will benefit that child. Speech and OT can be amazing. Your child is not in the same situation as your BIL, at all., Realistically, the actual percentage of autistic adults that have the capacity to actually report their experiences in ABA therapy (level 1 autism) , it’s extremely small . There were many variables into accessing ABA treatment before 2013, I could elaborate on this in detail but the most similar analogy would be : it’s like the people against immunization because they were harm by vaccines (which is an extremely marginal percentage ). There’s no serious peer reviewed study supporting the basis of autistic adults harmed by ABA , because the few existing studies only provide anecdotical experiences, informal virtual surveys and participants were not required to be diagnosed (ABA needs a diagnosis to get prescribed). In other words there no quantitative data and the qualitative data is garbage. There’s also the fact that input from level 3 autistics is not accounted and this is the population who actually can benefit the most from ABA. Pay attention into the peculiarity that the people who don’t need and never needed ABA are always level 1, We did all the therapies- ABA therapists who worked with our son in a half day private preschool setting from 2-5, plus OT & speech twice a week, PT once a week, some floortime therapy, and a social group. We also have done some inclusion summer camps with support and do our best to engage him at home. He also has always seemed to have a lot of potential- he’s been able to speak since age 2, no intellectual disability, relatively easy going and open to working with his various therapists and teachers, can learn things relatively easily like memorizing colors and shapes. STILL, we’ve seen very little progress. His communication is limited to asking for basic needs. His play skills are still very low, he doesn’t play with his siblings, he has behavior issues like pinching people and destroying things. After so much time in groups on Facebook and elsewhere I’ve seen so many parents say their kid progressed so well with barely any therapy and so many saying their kid didn’t progress much with lots of therapy- I think it’s more about how the kid is wired than about doing lots of therapy or not. So sure if you find some therapies your child enjoys and you like the therapist and style of therapy, why not? But don’t beat yourself up for not doing the exact “right” thing., If you search the posts here, you’ll see most parents (myself included) have seen their children have good experiences with modern ABA therapists. My son loves to see his ABA therapists., My take is that any therapy can be harmful. Also, most therapy is difficult, whether for mental health or physical health - you’re working on systems, processes, ideas, thinking, etc that is not helpful to you being your best self. The big problem I have with ABA is that many of the so called therapists aren’t really therapists, as in they don’t have the educational background and training a therapist typically has. They are overseen by a BCBA who is educated and trained. It would be like your kid being educated by paras who are overseen by a special education teacher. Anyway, we tried ABA for a brief time when my son was about 8. It wasn’t great mostly because the therapist was a flake. None of the therapy itself was in anyway abusive. Also, keep in mind the vast majority of adult autistics who speak out against ABA have no personal experience with it., ABA seems to be an American thing? I have level 2 son in Australia and ABA has never been mentioned to me. Just speech, OT and psychology once he gets older. He goes to a special school early childhood development program and then daycare. All professionals think that’s more than enough and he’s made more progress than anyone expected., In my opinion, the take of adult autistics is the most important thing here. Nothing else matters. Yes they don’t suppress stims anymore like 30 years ago, but there is still a lot of harm in ABA tactics in general and I’d run in the opposite direction if someone actually sits and tries to figure out what it all means to the kid. Like someone said, two things matter: 1. What are the goals. Do they need ABA? 2. Are the therapists good? I would highly recommend lurking in the ABA community and see how they talk and discuss., We didn't do any behavioral therapy with my 4.5 year old. He's fully conversational, plays with other kids, does pretend play, etc. He has made a lot of progress. We did floortime and I have zero regrets., Aba like any mental health treatment you can have bad experiences but honestly untreated autism can lead to more mental health problems rising up growing up., My daughter did ABA for years and absolutely loved going into therapy. It was play based and teaching a lot of social skills, but as others have said it breaks down every single step. Our ABA also helped with feeding therapy and potty training steps. Both were very helpful for our daughter. Now she’s 8 and aged out of insurance coverage for ABA at 7. Since we have stopped ABA some undesirable denied access behaviors have come back but we address them with techniques we learned from the therapists. We also have seen huge strides in school without her missing as much time for ABA. The downside to all the ABA has been how prompt reliant our daughter is now. We have slowly been trying to fade all those prompts out but this is a habit that’s taking awhile to break. I really do think my daughter learned some great social skills in ABA. I think you need to do you research and see if you can find a play based ABA and go tour it see for yourself what happens and if you think it’ll be good for your child., That "ableist" complaint is brought to you by the same people self-diagnosing and telling you ABA is evil., I think this is really important. Society is how it is, and certain behaviors that others just learn on their own have to be taught to some of us. I don't think it's fair to deny the knowledge of those behaviors/skills to autistic kids because we want them to thrive in society. Would it be great if society was super inclusive and accommodations were easy to get and all other sorts of utopian fantasies? Sure. But we have to live in reality and prepare our kids to live there too. It sounds ugly when you break it down that way, but that's just the truth., [deleted], This is such a key comment. If you’re a self-diagnosed autistic person, you can’t get ABA prescribed. If you’re late diagnosed, you also typically don’t get it as it’s targeted towards younger kids. And like you said, level 3 folks often cannot communicate their experiences. The contingent of folks online who seem to most oppose it either didn’t get ABA or got way too much of it, or with a bad provider. It’s such a subjective thing. I think of it like this: lots of people probably have ADHD (myself included) but are not diagnosed, or live lives where it can be managed with a few minor behavioral interventions. But many others NEED medication to function. It’s not fair for people who are less impacted to be out there saying “Ritalin/Adderall/etc is cruel! It shouldn’t be allowed!” just because it wasn’t the right fit for them., Please note I said the majority of the loudest. Are your friends influencers actively trying to get it outlawed? I understand there are diagnosed autistic adults on both sides. However in my experience the loudest voices (i.e. Neurodivergent Rebel) have never personally experienced or witnessed a single ABA session.
Overthinking/over protective parent here	So my 6 year old son is non verbal but can say a few words . Took him to a trunk n treat last night and he kept saying high to everyone and touching everyone . It kinda broke my heart that some kids were looking at him weird… he’s very friendly . He has 2 buddies at school in his autism class . My question is . Once your child gets older does their social skills become better ? I just feel like everyone looks at him differently and it breaks my heart :(	In my experience, my son’s (7 y/o) social skills have improved over the last few years, but he’s still years behind kids his age. So he does get funny looks sometimes. Because he has no understanding of social cues and filter. But yeah, it’s tough to go to events like this and see how NT kids his age are progressing and and just how they behave in general while knowing that he’ll likely always be behind. But also, I try to embrace it. Our family is not typical. Never will be, probably. We’re pirates just out here doing our own thing. And you kind of just have to say screw to anyone who thinks he’s weird. Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind., The truth is that your kid's social skills will probably grow but the other kids' will grow too so there will always be a gap., My daughter broke my heart when she was so excited at 12 when someone at her new school wanted to be her project partner. I didn’t know she had ASD. No one has wanted to be her partner since the third grade. She’s big for her age but she was continuously bullied. Middle school was bad., It kind of seemed like they got worse, but it was more that increasing demands exposed some things. I do think that over time, people have more ways to socialize that are accepted by society, so one can sometimes find people who socialize like them later on, even if they'd be ostracized by another crowd., That’s what I was thinking the whole time . I wanted to slap a little girl for giving my son a dirty look! Smh lol but hey kids will be kids ! Im happy he isn’t shy and I’m happy he’s out going !, I don't think it's really linear in this sense. I think that at least for some, you definitely have the double-empathy problem going on., I’m so sorry:( how did you deal with it ?, Yeah, I definitely worry constantly about other kids and bullying. Especially because my son is being transitioned into some general education classes at school currently. It’s been ok so far, but when they get to that 8-10 year old range, kids can be extremely mean. And he’s sensitive to that. We’re even making plans for homeschooling when he gets to 6th grade just because I don’t want to expose him to that kind of bullying that is pretty much unavoidable, Without knowing about the ASD level 1 I had her apply to a prep school. I figured smaller class size would mean kids watched more and there would be less of a chance of her being bullied. She hasn’t been bullied since. But I didn’t realize how traumatic 6th grade had been on her. Even though she loves her prep school I need to put her on online learning for awhile. I also kept her on her competitive dance team. It’s let her have a solid friend group that don’t question certain behavior and needs. Enough people know my daughter can’t be in an extremely noisy dressing room during competition because of sensory issues. They know if she tells people she needs to be alone they leave her alone mostly. This friend group is the longest one she has had. It’s not perfect but the staff is willing to intervene when needed. I know I need to put her in social classes but I can’t get her into anywhere. Being a teen makes it a lot harder. You should try to have your son do as many therapies now as you can. It becomes far more complicated as your child gets older. Good luck., And that’s the thing idk if your child talks but I would have no idea if he gets bullied :(, He’s in an autism class . He also has speech ,ot and physical therapy . They have sports for special needs which is awesome! He’s pretty social . But I just worry sooner or later he will be bullied and I won’t have no way of telling :/, Yeah, that’s our fear. Just not knowing. He can speak some, but I doubt he’d be able to express bullying in detail beyond saying someone was mean. And he uses that word pretty casually. He calls me mean when I tell him to turn off the TV and get some time outside, You are not wrong to be concerned. Kids with autism are often bullied. If he is in an autism class and special needs sports it is unlikely he will be bullied there. I think the greatest concern is if they put him in some general education classes when he is older. If they do that he will be able to verbalize that other kids are bothering him and you can go to the school. An alternative is to put him in a special needs school if you are that concerned or homeschool him. You should not worry about this now. It sounds like you are doing the right things. A lot depends on how he develops over time. He could improve by leaps and bounds over the next couple of years. He’s very young. Enjoy this time as much as you can the teenage years will be there before you know it. Good luck., My son loves school so hopefully everything is ok so far! I feel like we all been a bully or been bullied but when it’s your own child .. it’s horrible.’like I’d prob flip out on a kid if I ever found out they were picking on my son . I know that sounds horrible but ya smh 🤦‍♀️.
PDA and potty training	Mr Almost-Three is very ready for potty training, absolutely has the theory down, had a successful pants-free day yesterday with no dramas, BUT he's so very resistant to any suggestion from us that he might need to sit on the potty. So any success is only from him and if he's not in the mood (like today), it's a disaster. Trying to work out how to tweak our language so it's not a demand. Anyone had any breakthroughs in this sense? Ta!	His own body telling him he has to potty is a demand. My 4.5 year old holds it in until in physical pain but still refuses to go. Same with eating someday, cries and cries about being hungry but just won't eat because it's a demand from the body., His own body telling him he has to potty is a demand. My 4.5 year old holds it in until in physical pain but still refuses to go. Same with eating someday, cries and cries about being hungry but just won't eat because it's a demand from the body., His own body telling him he has to potty is a demand. My 4.5 year old holds it in until in physical pain but still refuses to go. Same with eating someday, cries and cries about being hungry but just won't eat because it's a demand from the body., His own body telling him he has to potty is a demand. My 4.5 year old holds it in until in physical pain but still refuses to go. Same with eating someday, cries and cries about being hungry but just won't eat because it's a demand from the body.
PDA resources for Level 3	Resources for Level 3 Can anyone point me in the direction of resources for PDA in level 3 autism? My son is non-verbal and bc of intellectual disability has very limited receptive language skills. I already do low demand parenting but I am struggling with non-negotiable activities. Changing diapers, sitting in adaptive chair to eat, coming inside after a car ride. I can't do forced choice bc he can't understand what I'm asking. The transition to these activities lead to meltdowns which include aggression (grabbing my shirt and not letting go, which then makes it impossible to change his diaper or strap him in his seat) or stomping along the way (which is hard enough to eventually damage the floor or his foot). Most suggestions I see are for kids with more language/ comprehension skills than my kiddo has. If anyone has suggestions or resources or even specific keywords I can use in searches, I'd be forever grateful!	Visuals. Use pictures of what you are saying when you say it. If you have to walk away to calm the reaction down, do it and calmly come back and ask again. Repeat the process until the meltdown or negative behavior stops but don't give up, even if it takes hours. Feel free to dm if you need, Thank you! I can try that. The reason I can't walk away is the meltdown involves jumping or stomping which is very intense (he's an adult) and it will damage the floor so I have to intervene but I've just been getting behind him and forcibly guiding him in the direction I want him to go. Him stomping all the way or turning around and grabbing. I'm not sure what my other options are in those moments., Look into PECs (Picture Exchange Communication System) Edit: to be clear, this is to piggyback off the top suggestion, Unfortunately PECS never worked. His brain can't seem to comprehend that a picture and an object can represent the same thing (even a photograph of the object). I did hold up an actual diaper a while ago and he seemed to understand. But certainly not possible to hold up an actual item in every case. And "showing" an action or activity is tricky. I've used some sign language but I haven't found a successful way to get him to either choose between 2 activities or even indicate yes or no. I'll always keep trying but it makes it difficult to find suggestions that apply to him specifically., Visuals. Use pictures of what you are saying when you say it. If you have to walk away to calm the reaction down, do it and calmly come back and ask again. Repeat the process until the meltdown or negative behavior stops but don't give up, even if it takes hours. Feel free to dm if you need, Thank you! I can try that. The reason I can't walk away is the meltdown involves jumping or stomping which is very intense (he's an adult) and it will damage the floor so I have to intervene but I've just been getting behind him and forcibly guiding him in the direction I want him to go. Him stomping all the way or turning around and grabbing. I'm not sure what my other options are in those moments., Look into PECs (Picture Exchange Communication System) Edit: to be clear, this is to piggyback off the top suggestion, Unfortunately PECS never worked. His brain can't seem to comprehend that a picture and an object can represent the same thing (even a photograph of the object). I did hold up an actual diaper a while ago and he seemed to understand. But certainly not possible to hold up an actual item in every case. And "showing" an action or activity is tricky. I've used some sign language but I haven't found a successful way to get him to either choose between 2 activities or even indicate yes or no. I'll always keep trying but it makes it difficult to find suggestions that apply to him specifically., Visuals. Use pictures of what you are saying when you say it. If you have to walk away to calm the reaction down, do it and calmly come back and ask again. Repeat the process until the meltdown or negative behavior stops but don't give up, even if it takes hours. Feel free to dm if you need, Thank you! I can try that. The reason I can't walk away is the meltdown involves jumping or stomping which is very intense (he's an adult) and it will damage the floor so I have to intervene but I've just been getting behind him and forcibly guiding him in the direction I want him to go. Him stomping all the way or turning around and grabbing. I'm not sure what my other options are in those moments., Look into PECs (Picture Exchange Communication System) Edit: to be clear, this is to piggyback off the top suggestion, Unfortunately PECS never worked. His brain can't seem to comprehend that a picture and an object can represent the same thing (even a photograph of the object). I did hold up an actual diaper a while ago and he seemed to understand. But certainly not possible to hold up an actual item in every case. And "showing" an action or activity is tricky. I've used some sign language but I haven't found a successful way to get him to either choose between 2 activities or even indicate yes or no. I'll always keep trying but it makes it difficult to find suggestions that apply to him specifically., Visuals. Use pictures of what you are saying when you say it. If you have to walk away to calm the reaction down, do it and calmly come back and ask again. Repeat the process until the meltdown or negative behavior stops but don't give up, even if it takes hours. Feel free to dm if you need, Thank you! I can try that. The reason I can't walk away is the meltdown involves jumping or stomping which is very intense (he's an adult) and it will damage the floor so I have to intervene but I've just been getting behind him and forcibly guiding him in the direction I want him to go. Him stomping all the way or turning around and grabbing. I'm not sure what my other options are in those moments., Look into PECs (Picture Exchange Communication System) Edit: to be clear, this is to piggyback off the top suggestion, Unfortunately PECS never worked. His brain can't seem to comprehend that a picture and an object can represent the same thing (even a photograph of the object). I did hold up an actual diaper a while ago and he seemed to understand. But certainly not possible to hold up an actual item in every case. And "showing" an action or activity is tricky. I've used some sign language but I haven't found a successful way to get him to either choose between 2 activities or even indicate yes or no. I'll always keep trying but it makes it difficult to find suggestions that apply to him specifically.
PED worried about delayed baby or autism	Hello, got a baby boy 12 months 3 weeks old..Pregnancy was normal, birth went alright. He developed all good, was making sounds at 3-4 months, was sitting at 7, babbling at 8, started standing up at 10 and first steps at 12. Right now he makes babbling sounds : ba, ma, gh, ae , bama, maba, uf ect, he did say mama and dada but as a babble not with meaning. He is eating with his hands by him self, for a month now. At his one year check up the doctor told us she is worried a bit about him. She said that he should be at least saying mama with meaning, that he should be pointing at things witch he dont do yet. When he wants something he just reaches to grab it,doesnt point at it. he still dont wave or clap (he did a few times while we sang to him). He knows to pull toys outside of box and put them back as play..He is making eye contact when u call him or u are talking (its not for a long time tho, just untill he gets bored of u) He usually respond to his name ( when he dont we always think its because some toy is more interesting). We started teaching him names of stuff around him like: ball, dog, water ect but he usually starts playing and dont care about our talking. He is really joyfull and likes people a lot, likes to play with every one, when he sees someone outside he starts smilling, and if the person looks at him or tells something he goes crazy with joy and laughter. He likes to cuddle A LOT also !!! Can somene give some advice, since we are going crazy he is gonna be delayed or have autism.. thank you	12 months seems too early to be concerned about some of these things. My NT eldest was not pointing at this age or saying mama., I think you should give him some more time. A year old is pretty early to be worrying about autism, especially if he is responding to his name, making eye contact and loves to be cuddled. Neither of my kids waved or clapped at a year; they didn’t really point at a year either. I’d give him another 6m or a year to develop. Most doctors won’t test until a minimum of 18 months or two years, anyway., Autism can't be diagnosed before 18 months. Let him get a little older then see, Pointing is not delayed until 18 months. I think 3 words are expected by 15 months. Does he show and give you things? Those are gestures. Does he follow your pointing? The cdc lists milestones for each age. You could also self refer to early intervention for an eval. Not an autism eval, just a general developmental eval that would get him the appropriate therapy if any deficits were noted. Otherwise wait it out., No advice but literally in the same boat. Solidarity.
Pain when walking?	Does anyone child complain about walking long distances and not saying their legs hurt? I know this isn’t such a huge deal but idk if I should be concerned. My son is 9 now and if we go on nature walks even more than 10 mins he will complain about his legs. He doesn’t like school pictures because he has to stand long period of time in line waiting. He doesn’t like standing up for plays because he has to stand more than 10 mins. It’s numerous occasions where he doesn’t like standing at all. His dad mentioned growing pains? But that can’t be the case every time he stands for more than 5 mins. We want to go to a school event for a “fun run” meaning it’ll be like a 10 min walk to raise funds for the school. He said he wants to go but it’s already complaining about having to walk.	This doesn't sound like an asd thing but like a possible "I'm hurt" type thing. Low grade torn/stretched tendons or ligaments can take a long time to heal, can occur with a regular fall, and aren't visible and you can usally still walk...and pain after 5/10 min of activity would be normal for that type of injury. An injury would explain wanting to do an activity, but not being able to actually do the standing/running part., Thank you! I’ll definitely have it looked at. I sometimes feel like I worry too much also, given dad doesn’t seem concerned nor the doctor so I never know what the thin line is. I sometimes felt like he says “I’m hurt” to get out of doing activities but he might actually be hurting. So thank you. I just wasn’t sure if this was a situation anyone else experienced, This doesn't sound like an asd thing but like a possible "I'm hurt" type thing. Low grade torn/stretched tendons or ligaments can take a long time to heal, can occur with a regular fall, and aren't visible and you can usally still walk...and pain after 5/10 min of activity would be normal for that type of injury. An injury would explain wanting to do an activity, but not being able to actually do the standing/running part., Thank you! I’ll definitely have it looked at. I sometimes feel like I worry too much also, given dad doesn’t seem concerned nor the doctor so I never know what the thin line is. I sometimes felt like he says “I’m hurt” to get out of doing activities but he might actually be hurting. So thank you. I just wasn’t sure if this was a situation anyone else experienced, This doesn't sound like an asd thing but like a possible "I'm hurt" type thing. Low grade torn/stretched tendons or ligaments can take a long time to heal, can occur with a regular fall, and aren't visible and you can usally still walk...and pain after 5/10 min of activity would be normal for that type of injury. An injury would explain wanting to do an activity, but not being able to actually do the standing/running part., Thank you! I’ll definitely have it looked at. I sometimes feel like I worry too much also, given dad doesn’t seem concerned nor the doctor so I never know what the thin line is. I sometimes felt like he says “I’m hurt” to get out of doing activities but he might actually be hurting. So thank you. I just wasn’t sure if this was a situation anyone else experienced, This doesn't sound like an asd thing but like a possible "I'm hurt" type thing. Low grade torn/stretched tendons or ligaments can take a long time to heal, can occur with a regular fall, and aren't visible and you can usally still walk...and pain after 5/10 min of activity would be normal for that type of injury. An injury would explain wanting to do an activity, but not being able to actually do the standing/running part., Thank you! I’ll definitely have it looked at. I sometimes feel like I worry too much also, given dad doesn’t seem concerned nor the doctor so I never know what the thin line is. I sometimes felt like he says “I’m hurt” to get out of doing activities but he might actually be hurting. So thank you. I just wasn’t sure if this was a situation anyone else experienced
Parent not allowed to sit in on speech classes with male teacher? (update)	I recently posted about how a male teacher wouldn’t allow myself to sit in with my daughter during her speech classes. Two days a week for thirty minute, in a trailer beside the school. He said I eventually couldn’t do so and it’s a matter of “privacy policy” I’m like there’s no other children here.. fast forward I asked if she could be switched to a group setting to which I felt more comfortable he said ok. The day of group setting no call no text we arrive and he says “the county” told him that I requested to switch teachers to WHICH I DID NOT so it sounded like a lie.. we go home and the same day he texts me and said “it can’t be undone they have switched her” he actually called before I got home because I was going to call the county myself and he beat me to it which was suspicious. Thoughts?	Locked for review due to lots of reports., I don’t know the context exactly… but generally children are not supposed to be isolated with a teacher like that in schools. If teachers are alone in a class with a student, they are usually suggested to work in a room with a window, or with their door ajar., You are entitled under the letter of the law to observe, period, point blank. I'd run this up the admin flag pole fast AF., Is this a school teacher ? Or a speech therapist? I guess if it's a teacher at school, I'm not sure of any scenario where the parent goes to school with their child and watches. Now, if you have some type of agreement, then I understand. But I haven't been in a scenario where I have been offered or able to sit in the class. Can you explain a bit more please?, Honestly, I sat in on speech therapy with my child 100% of the time. At first it was because I don't like my child to be alone with an unknown adult. Then I kept going because it helped me do better with practicing the things they were working on. The therapist was a woman, but it changes nothing for me. Women abuse kids just as often as men do. There are many types of abuse. Nonverbal kids are easy targets. You can take your frustrations out on them and they can't tell anyone. Protect your kid. Follow your guy. Don't be sexist., I think its a 2 way street. Yes, we absolutely should have the right to NOT have our child alone in a room with a man. That man also should have to right to opt out of scenarios he feels he's going to be accused of sexual abuse., Trust your gut. I’ve been in the room for every single speech session and he’s had 4 different speech therapists over the years. I obviously don’t know the details of your situation, but from what you described it sounds like a few red flags, I would be super uncomfortable if I was specifically told I was NOT allowed to sit in on speech sessions. I understand it can be distracting, but parents should never be banned from their kids sessions like that. I would still call the county and ask them what’s going on. I would explain everything like you did here and tell them that you’re confused at what’s going on. That speech teacher sounds shady at best and if he’s going around doing shady shit then it needs to be brought to the county’s attention. , I would probably go above him and just ask what the policy is because you are confused. Maybe he was misinformed about the policy or just caught off-guard. Maybe he felt a whiff of accusation from you and asked to not work with your child anymore and gave you the “county” line to avoid a confrontation. Re: “trailer beside the school”— I assume you mean a portable classroom? Does the door stay open? Does it face the yard? Are there other portables there? It’s always hard to find spaces for services in a crowded school, and I don’t blame you at all for wanting to observe but it does seem like you are wording things with a certain slant, that the therapist maybe picked up on (did you get to observe at all? You said he said you “eventually” need to leave). I’m not blaming you for being protective of your child, but understand that public school employees have all had experiences being on the receiving end of abuse and harassment from parents. He may have been concerned that that was where this was heading., In my area of the world, the classroom doors have to be open, one on one classes aren't generally allowed and I'd say it's pretty reasonable to put other protections in place for a non-verbal child in a trailer with a male teacher. In all of these kind of settings it is the child's interests and safety that come first. It's also a protection for the teacher as it protects them against accusations of misconduct. It's somewhat surprising that this doesn't seem to be the case here. Having said that, sometimes it's good having a parent in the classroom but often it isn't and becomes a distraction for the child. So I guess if that's the norm in your country then I can see where that teacher may be coming from. The vast majority of male teachers aren't going to be sexual predators but it's still not in the interests of the child to be in that environment and I personally wouldn't leave my child in there. So if this was me, I'd request a group setting as a child safety issue. And may as well request a female teacher as well. Or put a hidden camera on my child and monitor from close by., What kind of teacher especially a speech teacher would not want the parent to observe, if only for continuity and practice at home? If you look at SLP subs, I bet it’s riddled with them heavily complaining about apathetic parents. I’d ask that sub too. Weird situation and you are completely right. Please follow up and even go to the news if you have to to get answers. No teacher should want to be alone with a child especially one who cannot clearly communicate. I am completely baffled they don’t insist on your attendance. You did the right thing!, I wouldn’t be comfortable either especially when he’s acting like that. No thanks! My daughter went to speech therapy and I was required to sit in so I can learn and take it home, Nope. Fuck em. You pay them. You can sit in on the class., https://www.reddit.com/r/Catholicism/comments/u06xd8/sexual_abuse_by_teachers_compared_to_priests/ https://go2tutors.com/teachers-more-likely-abuse-kids/ tl;dr -- leaving a child alone with a schoolteacher is 30x more risky than leaving a child alone with an ordained catholic priest It sounds like you took away his chance to be alone with your child so he went all Machiavellian on you., I'm a male therapist and I always let the families know I can see them in any variation they feel most comfortable with. Whole family at once, individual, dyads, etc. I usually encourage parents to allow the kids to choose how they're most comfortable and be flexible if they change their minds. Sometimes parents can be detrimental to the aims of psychotherapy due to the interpersonal dynamics, but I wouldn't shut a parent down for wanting to be there and there's a big difference between psychotherapy and speech therapy. Where in psychotherapy there are very valid reasons for not wanting the parents involved. I don't really know what the problem would be in speech unless op you're quite distracting and dramatic maybe?? I obviously don't know you and that's a guess. I don't know. I also wonder if the speech therapist felt nervous being observed? I can't really think of anything else it could be besides those or the obvious inappropriate one. Just my 2 cents. Hope it works out for you, That was exactly my thought and he didn’t think much just closed the door I’m like uhm. This was in a trailer classroom. No other teachers., He told me here or there once or twice but every class which is “twice a week” is definitely not permitted. I’m like so after the first day you ran to the office to tattle tale that I was in the class? I don’t know of any teacher that would have a problem with this especially if she isn’t ENROLLED and ONLY going to the school for speech classes only being our district doesn’t have one!!, The school where my kids go (public) encouraged us to come and help out in class and observe our boys., You can (and should) absolutely request to sit in and observe what your child is doing in a public school, particularly if they are doing poorly. Schools also offer volunteer positions in the classroom, library, cafeteria, etc. that parents fill., Yes! It’s a class two days a week for speech. A teacher. But he is a male and I do not know if many males that would willingly choose to be alone with a non verbal child., You’re right and I’m sorry if it came out that way that’s my apologies!! Women also I agree. It’s just how nonchalant he was it was kind of odd., I totally understand it’s just that wasn’t in the back of my mind I just don’t want to leave my child with a man period especially if I’ve never met him but once. I was definitely uncomfortable., THANK YOU!! And now I feel like I’ve failed because now we are waiting on a NEW therapist when she could be learning., He looked so uncomfortable when I told him I’m going to call them MYSELF to clarify because that’s crap and I had no knowledge., Exactly my thoughts!!! literally the day he said the “county” told him that I asked to switch teachers supposedly I told him ok that’s weird Im going to call them and ask why wasn’t I notified if that’s the case because I wouldn’t be here today for YOUR class, he literally called RIGHT after class before me and texted me an hour after which usually he NEVER responds to my texts or texts me about important info until the morning of her class which is annoying as is. I’m like uhm okay if you were uncomfortable with me asking to be in her class then that’s enough for me. I’m like that’s the quickest he EVER texted me about important information. He’s literally texted me THE DAY OF 30 minutes before class that he can’t have her class that day I’m like dude it’s 7 am🤦🏻‍♀️., Oh no I absolutely told him “it’s not YOU” I said I don’t leave my child alone with ANYONE because she can’t communicate if something is wrong. If something is wrong my daughter says “help” but nothing more. The trailer wasn’t an issue. It’s the fact there was no other teacher, the door he kept closed, and I was told I could not sit in on classes period. He’s not stupid he does know my daughter isn’t enrolled there and she only goes twice a week she’s not a consistent student. Thats why I’m like no I know for a fact I got my point across correctly when I mentioned it has nothing to do with the fact YOU ARE A MAN and ITS NOT YOU. I said period I don’t leave her with anyone., EXACTLY THANK YOU!!! I’m baffled at the comments who that are telling me I’m wrong for not leaving her with him lol!! Like heck no. I most definitely will and thank you! That’s why I was like uhm so parents really can’t be there so that they are able to use the same at home with their child? Like THIS IS A 30 MINUTE CLASS THAT HE EVEN SHOWS UP LATE FOR., That was my thing I enjoyed so much of what she was learning the first day I’m like ok especially sign language I’m like oh nice let me use this!!! Man I wish I really could’ve still stayed in the class😭🤦🏻‍♀️. I feel like I’ve failed., Not sure why you are being downvoted, you are 100% correct here., Yep he definitely had a problem I’m like well I’m sorry it’s just not happening. I know for a fact I tried to get him to understand it’s not him it’s just people in general I’m not going to leave her alone by herself. A day later I spoke to a lady who is from the county but didn’t know the situation she even said she was going to call the school and get more information and she called them and said she wants to get an answer on why they are telling me this. She never heard back from them and I never received a call back from the school EITHER., Thank you for this information., Thank you for the response. My apologies if my responses seem off-putting or offensive. It had nothing to do with the fact he was a man, it’s the fact I don’t like to leave her alone with anyone period. I haven’t left my children with babysitters in YEARS and I have 4 total. I promise I tried to communicate with him in the best way possible trying to get him to understand this and I promise it was not dramatic but straight forward. If he did feel nervous about that he could’ve told me this as I’m truly not that difficult to understand and very patient but he just seemed to be deliberately choosing himself that he didn’t want me there and I explained this to him but he didn’t care and told me to take it up with the office. It’s also just speech not psychotherapy. It was just so absurd at how hard he was trying to push the fact I couldn’t be there with her. I also think it would’ve been so different if this was like a specialized facility and it isn’t. I would’ve felt way more comfortable knowing staff isn’t a building away., Well if you're intending to be there every time I would agree that's excessive and any observation arrangements should be cleared with the office prior to you showing up. If it bothers you that much, you could opt out of the services altogether, but it sounds like they're doing you a favor by switching staff even if was unprofessional. I feel like you left out some important details in the OP., Thank you!! I absolutely understand and I’d completely do the same for all of my children., I'm not sure that is a very fair assumption for all males who are teachers or therapists. Im guessing there are people who are out there for sure looking out for kids and may find themselves in those scenarios. Now, if you don't like it, that is a totally different story. I would express to the school or whoever is in charge that you do not want your daughter alone with males. Also, if you were told you were able to observe, then that is a 100% different story., The best OT I ever had for my son was male. When he left to move I cried. He told me his brother is disabled and my son was so sweet it reminded him of his brother when they were little. This comment is gross, I am not at all criticizing you for that. My daughter is the non verbal level 3 one. I am fiercely protective of her too. Like hell if I would agree to this situation either. I'm just saying I also wouldn't fault him for asking to be removed entirely. We man all have heard horror stories or experienced for ourselves women who will aggressively accuse of being monsters. We have to protect ourselves too., Happy to help and if you (or anyone) is on mobile and needs the url websites typed out from the image, just reply to this message and I'll be glad to type them out for you., You’re absolutely right I just was not comfortable whatsoever and I was only allowed in the class first day and that was to be advised on what she’d be doing. After that he went to admin and told them that I was in the class and they said I couldn’t do that. He seemingly had a problem first hand which I didn’t understand., Like he brought it up to admin that I was in class observing and they were like oh she’s not allowed to do that. I was literally in the back of the classroom and she did great. After she went to group setting he said she would do better in a single setting. I’m like 🤦🏻‍♀️., Literally the only word my daughter uses when she’s in distress or hurt is “help”. And that’s not enough for her to communicate to me if something is wrong. So although YOU choose to (LEAVE) YOUR CHILD alone with someone that is YOU and how YOU FEEL.🤷🏻‍♀️, That’s my opinion sorry if you can’t handle that🤷🏻‍♀️, I totally understand that!! It wasn’t even the fact he pulled her from the class it’s the fact of how quickly he did it I was like I at least wanted to clear things up but I totally get it!, Yeah, I do think the majority of schools would not have parents there, but I think your request for a female teacher is reasonable. And if the school is not able to accommodate that, I think having you observe is reasonable. Or maybe have the sessions recorded., Lol please. I was responding to you saying no men choose to work with disabled kids. \>So although YOU choose to (LEAVE) YOUR CHILD alone with someone that is YOU and how YOU FEEL.🤷🏻‍♀️ Who said I've left him alone? So much projection., That’s the thing though I didn’t request a female. He stated the county said I did I’m like I did not whatsoever so I’m not sure why they told you this. Like if he did want to switch her himself that’s fine but like be honest., Also, you took what I said out of context lol I said nothing of the sorts. I didn’t say NO MEN SHOULD CHOOSE TO WORK WITH DISABLED CHILDREN. It’s absolutely irritating. Re-read it again girly. I was also not the only one who felt indifferent about this specific situation maybe you should scroll., Okay then so this has nothing to do with you then lol this is about LEAVING MY CHILD ALONE WITH SOMEONE(A MAN) EVEN IF IT WAS A WOMAN. This has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU girl lol. UNLESS YOU HAVE then I don’t want to hear it lmao. Getting antsy girl relax🥴., Oh no, I didn't mean that. I meant I would ask for a female teacher as a reasonable request if you were not comfortable with a male teacher alone with her., Absolutely!! Thank you so much🫶🏼, For sure!
Parent to parent, how do you handle the high stress times, when you feel like fleeing?	I've done therapy and marriage counselling in the past, but I'm not sure if that would help right now. I have a 4 year old. He seems decently high functioning, thankfully, and is mostly verbal, but I'm in a very stressful time right now. I'm the stay at home mom. My husband works from home. My son is starting kindergarten next week, and I'm just... pretty damn nervous about it. Always been anxious, more so with a kid. He holds his stool, so we change like 6-10 poop diapers a day, and I'm honestly just sick of doing it. He fights sleep like crazy even with melatonin so he sleeps maybe like 11 pm, and then we wake him up at 8 am, because he needs to go to appointments and soon school. He spends the whole day feeling tired and consequently can be cranky or just doesn't follow direction. He gets what we call "manic" and becomes extremely physical, crawling all over us and bouncing off the walls, actually hurting me at times due to jumping on me or something. My husband is fine as a partner. But he's just that. A roommate. A co-parent. Our sex life is dead, lol. It has been for a long time. We addressed it in marriage counselling. Things get better for a few months and then they fall apart again. We're not fighting. We just don't love each other like we did before a kid. And we both admit that having a kid was a huge mistake. It ruined our lives. We probably shouldn't have become parents, but we did, and to make it worse, we had a high needs child, which neither of us have a lot of energy or patience to deal with. We basically take care of our son 24/7. Every few weeks or once a month, we each take a turn going out or having time off, but not together most of the time. Grandparents help but usually during the workday when my husband is working so it doesn't offer us much "couple" time, and my son's sleeping is probably the biggest nail in the coffin on that front, haha. We're just exhausted all the time. All that to say, every single day, I am dreaming of abandoning my life and just moving away and starting over without my husband, kid, cat, house, etc. Very tired of the responsibility and guilt. Very tired of all the therapists and school teachers looking to me for answers that I don't have. Looking to me to fix or work on things with him. I'm so tired of it. Things would be much easier with a NT child, and I often wonder why I was one of the statistics who ended up with a disabled child. He was diagnosed at 18 months so I'm not new to this, the grief is not fresh or anything. I'm just tired of being a parent, especially to an ND child where everything is a fight, even the most basic of bodily functions like letting himself poop or letting himself sleep.... And now I don't know how to be OK with daily life the way it is, lol. That's where I'm at. Kinda lost on how to get through the feelings of wanting to leave. I won't leave, so there's no reason for me to even think about it, no way would I leave my son, and I have no reason to leave my husband. Yet I keep daydreaming. Blah. Advice? I'm turning to this community as a place of non-judgment because like.... I love my son, you guys know that we love our kids even if they are tough. But I'm having a hard time. Keep dreaming of a life as a single lady living my own life for myself without having to take care of others or feel guilt for not doing enough for my son. Thanks in advance.	We as mods understand that this is a very hard lifestyle. We made a choice to have kids, but we did not make the choice to have special needs kids. Some may be able to handle it, and others may not be able to. That is ok. The first step is reaching out for help and realizing there is an issue. We salute all parents who are able to step out of their comfort zone even anonymously on the internet and reach out for help. Thank you that is amendable. We also can only advise you to seek professional help. None of us here are doctors of any sort. I am sure you are aware of that but we have to state it. Please reach out. Marriage council ing is great but individual professional help may also help you more. Also please look into respite care and see if you qualify for it. Some parents of NT kids need time away from their kids. It’s not a horrible thing. It’s quite normal. Even more so in our community. Thank you for seeking help., This is going to be hard for some parents here to read. But I want to run away and never look back. I grew up in an incredibly neglectful household. No physical or emotional affection. No reprimands when doing wrong. No accolades when achievements met. Quite literally just existing along side my parents. No rules, boundaries, nothing. They provided the bare legal minimum requirements of having kids and that was it. I smother my children in love, I really do. I discipline and guide them during the rough times and cheer them on or reward them during the good. I’m at every school event, doc appt, therapy session, you name it and I’m there. I’ve never left them with someone who could/would hurt them either. Truthfully, they’ve only been in the care of school officials and my sister in law without me being around. And yet, when things are in the “extremes” of special needs parenting, I want to leave. Simply walk away. I haven’t and never would. I want my children to grow and look back and truly know that no matter what, I am there for them. That I love them. But often times, I find myself dreaming about traveling the world and never looking back. Truth be told, I had that dream WELL before I had my twins but during times of extreme stress, that’s where I want to be so I journal about my my goals and dreams and stresses. Nothing so heartbreaking that if they ever read it whether on accident or on purpose that they’d never speak to me again, but I don’t completely leave out the absolute truth about how hard being a GOOD parent really is. I could have just said I journal it all out, but the desire to be alone and long gone from the very place I grew up stays constant. I’ll never EVER tell my kids that. But it’s there. So I journal and stay focused on raising really great human beings and one day being able to travel when my babies no longer need me in the ways they do now., What I’m hearing is a mama who is in desperate need of a break and perhaps, more frequent breaks. Possibly even a break for both you and your spouse to have a chance to reconnect as partners and not just as parents. Obviously much more new to things than you, but every few months we shell out money for an overnight sitter to just have a mini break. We also kind of pushed ourselves to be more social this summer (trying to help our kid expand her comfort zone a bit)… and getting a chance to reconnect with friends has really helped me recharge. I’m not sure what it will take, but please prioritize giving yourselves regular breaks. Even my friends with NT littles sometimes feel overwhelmed and really benefit from occasional breaks., Sounds like caregiver burnout. Your child sleeping better will benefit your child AND you and your husband. If he’s not falling asleep until 11 you aren’t even getting a couple hours in the evening to yourself. Please consider medication for him. Our son is 3.5 and was also fighting sleep. We were all miserable, I wasn’t willing to medicate him because he was so young, but the lack of sleep was impacting his own life negatively too. We finally started a very small dose (.05mg) of clonidine an hour before bedtime for him and now he falls right to sleep and sleeps almost 12 hours! He still wakes up once most nights, but he either puts himself back to sleep or I go in briefly to tuck him in again. Please just consider talking to his dr. This is no way for you to live! Hugs mama!, I try to get through the days. I go to therapy when things get bad. We have a family counsellor that helps with seeing how to best help the whole family. I try to take time just for me, but when my kid is really bad she can selfharm and has threathened suicide. I always wanted kids and I do not regret it, but I did not want special needs kids and in fact, discussed this with my partner before having kids, as he had a disability already. But.... Last year we found out that the oldest has ADHD and the youngest daughter has ASD level 2. I am alone with my kids, we divorced 4 years ago. I don't mind doing it alone (in some ways it is a lot easier), but I do have days where I cry all the time from the pressure it puts on me. I just try to get through the next day (last night I cried buckets and felt horrible - today, I am trying to get going to get to work), and work with my family counsellor towards maybe having my ASD kid placed outside of the home for a few days a week or more. A friend of mine har a kid (level 3) and they have just had him placed in respite care full time. Not an easy choice, but one made for the entire family. This is also the reason that I am considering it, because it has a profound effect on my other kids' life and health. I try to work, but lately I can feel I have no energy for it. But if I call in sick and stay home for a longer period I will absolutely be fired, because it will be my 3rd longer period with sick leave (stress). Luckily, my country has an option I have applied for and gotten, where I can work part time and they pay my salary to get me to full time pay. It helps a lot. Burnout is real and true. And it is something that feels so incredibly different from person to person. I try to power through knowing that eventually I will break - again. I do a bare minimum of house work, the bare minimum at work. And give my kids what is left. I sometimes hate what my life has become, but I love what my life gets from the love of my children., I know how you feel. My son is high support needs and requires constant 1:1 support. I often grieve for the freedom I used to take for granted and often wish he was NT. He hurts himself constantly and there haven’t been any real help on how to get him to stop. He doesn’t speak, know his name, doesn’t engage with other children, stims constantly and forces himself to vomit. It’s kind of a daily internal battle to accept him as he is, and I hate seeing my friends kids his age. They have blossomed while my son has stagnated., I hope school goes well. It’s made a huge positive one in ours., I just want to hug you. I know you will never leave your child and I know you're exhausted. I would never blame anyone for thoughts, even cynical and "selfish" thoughts. It's just thoughts. The manifestation of how hard it is to be a parent of any child, especially ASD child. I know you will do the best you can for them, and your feelings and happiness matter too., I know those bad days are hard. But the good days come too. Focus on the good things. Truly, I think a lot of the suffering is just the ruminating over it. Not to say it’s not actually 24/7 exhausting… trust, I know lol. I mean the feeling of dread, I think, is largely our broken minds and broken hearts. I have been where you’re at so many times. Your little one sounds like mine at the same age. 4 and 5 were tough years, but 5 was the better of the two. And now he’s 6 and it just gets better, at least in our case. He’s getting older, learning more, and I’m becoming more and more resilient to it all. I really do feel you though because I just spent the last 10 days straight with him home since there was no therapy for the week leading up to school (yay school tomorrow!).. and by the end of it I was like literally having to make an effort not to let myself go nuts lol. and I wonder.. how tf did I do this all day every day before he started kindergarten?? Lol. But yeah, I’m not going to think about the what ifs and the should haves… and I’m not going to give much thought to the future either. I get through it one day at a time… moment to moment. It really taught me to exist in the moment, actually. A nice kickstart to my meditation practice lol. Right now I just love him fully in every moment… and SHOW him that love.. to the full extent of my ability in that moment, because sometimes all we can do is sigh and sink into the couch and say forgivingly.. “i love you so much”, I'm best friends with my closet. Or I just clean. I put the stress, anxiety, and frustration into cleaning. I hate myself the most when I lose my temper on my kids. So I'd rather take it out on dishes or the floors. Plus, it's an excuse for SO to take the kids so I can clean. The best is when I can put in headphones and steam mop to Moulin Rouge or Les Miserable., Thank you for sharing this. I feel all of what you say in my bones. If it's not a rollercoaster of stress, then I don't know it. How do I handle the high stress times? It's becoming harder to do so. Currently awake with my 3.5 year old while my partner sleeps. I did feel guilty 30 minutes ago when I lost the rag with said sleeping partner because he literally did nothing but ask me 'what's the plan?' when our kiddo started throwing a shit fit for no discernible reason. I've no idea what the fucking plan is but it's not doing nothing and letting me deal with it on my own for 50 minutes. Sex life!? Yip, that's dead. I'm tired of trying to overcome that. Desired? Yeah. Ive forgotten. I do know it'll get better. Do I regret not pissing off to Australia when I had the chance rather than staying here and having a kid? Yes. It is my life however and the joy seeps in every now and again. I make the best of what I have and I try to not scorch the earth in the meantime., Hard time , four years olds are so hard , condolences . I had a manic one at four , but she’s very calm at nine . Things really turned a corner at seven . Do you have a trampoline? Best investment we made , if you can’t get one outside , get a mini one for inside . It’s good for you as well , pump up the feel good endorphins. I honestly think most parents of four year olds NT and ND , feel the same , like why, why , why did I have a kid ! So taxing . Hang in there , better days ahead ., I definitely had those feelings to flee and intense anxiety. I was put on a small dose antidepressant and it was life changing. Big hugs, you're doing an amazing job., I understand this so much, I left my marriage for it. My sex life died years before the end. I resented my ex and he resented me. Honestly, for me? Alcohol. I used it as a crutch before I left and for about 6 months after (my ex husband also displayed the same behaviour as our son, diagnosed as ASD before his 3rd birthday and continues to do so.) DO NOT DO THIS. It's awful. I was a mess. He was a mess dealing with me & them. So for me personally, I fled. I took the kids, we're divorced and honestly for us it's best, especially since our daughter is now also on the referral path for ASD. But realistically, I had to break up our family and I didn't want to. If you can get some respite, take it. If you're in the UK go to your council website and see if there's any charities who provide practical support, even if it's someone to come and play with your son while you wash pots or sit in the garden. It's amazing how even this can help. Also, if you want to vent or talk about it please please send me a DM. There's no chance of judgement and it's good to talk., [deleted], [deleted], You could be writing my life right now down to the letter, except I have TWO with autism (12 and 6 about to be 7) and one is completely NV and Not potty trained. The other has adhd and a seizure condition they got from me. When I start having those thoughts, the first thing I think of is what life would be life without them. It wouldn’t be roses and sunshine like you might think. I think At best it’ll feel lonely because I didn’t get a chance to finish college (again because of the seizure condition) and am 36 without a carrier now for years so it would be hard and buying myself a whole new set of problems. When I shut down I clean my house incessantly and keep things clean to the point they people get mad at me. Sounds like a cool trait to have but it’s not. I can’t focus, miss appointments for shit, and let myself go in order to do it. There has to be balance in life and constantly cleaning can’t be one of them and that it’s ok to have a house that looks lived in. My husband and I feel almost the same as you described. Roommates, co parents, a team when it comes to the kids but exhausted at the end of the day too. For me I try to remember that we were friends first and mutual respect we have for each other that came before marriage and kids was the best thing we ever did because I knew we would need it for times like this. I usually try to pick up a hobby and he usually likes it and wants to get involved so it turns into a couples thing and something we just end up always doing together and feeling closer because of that. Be FRIENDS again, tap into that love you both had for each others minds if you can or if you haven’t already. My hobbies have been things I can do from home that he can easily set away from the comp iteration for a while but still be close incase he needs to check anything so we’ve done soap making in the kitchen (fight club style) rendering fat and all! Lol. Adult model kits to build together, which can be a gift after its done and you’ll have put it together TOGETHER. ; ) I idk if that helps at all but it’s helped us. Married over ten years but together for 22., I'm so sorry. This is a rough go. We are here, and we are listening to you. Sending a psychic hug. Some days I just concentrated on breathing and putting one foot in front of the other., I hear you and I feel you ❤️. What you're feeling sounds like serious burn out and you deserve a break! I'm brand new here too and it was like reading my own story; obviously with different abilities/ fixed interests / behaviours etc. The melatonin, the sleepless nights; the dead bedroom, the never ending exhaustion. My refusal to have a second child. ALL OF IT! I'm sorry I don't have useful advice for you but I hope we can both learn and find understanding in here, I'm so sorry. I can relate on some counts and overall this is not an easy life. When you said you're tired of the appointments and the teachers and everyone looking to you for solutions you don't have.. FELT. We're just trying to survive like any other parents and then on top of that expected to be miraculous behaviour therapists. My daughter is starting grade 1 today I'm so incredibly nervous and have this added feeling of guilt or shame that the school is gonna know I didn't get her on some perfect routine and we spent the summer hanging out at parks, playing in the sprinklers and letting her have all the tablet and tv she wants because she's just a kid and its summer. But if i had kept some strict schedule I would feel incredibly guilty about her anxiety and her not enjoying herself. We can't win and its exhausting., Check out [maladaptive daydreaming](https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/maladaptive-daydreaming#complications) and see if it feels right to you. It's something to bring up with a therapist if you still see one. It seems likely that the daydreaming started innocently enough, maybe even a healthy response to not liking your life. If it has started to harm more than help, it has started to be maladapative- and can even keep you from making real life changes in your life that will make you happier. What I know is that this is temporary. In fact, I'll even say that, depending on multiple factors, you might even be on the brink of that light we talk about- you know, the one at the end of the tunnel. Your son is about to have daily childcare from experts. These people are going to help him learn to feel whats happening in his body, which will hopefully cure the multiple poop issue. And talk to a doctor about better sleep meds. But you aren't going to be solely responsible for your son all day and you can have a few hours each day to figure out what you want and need in your life. It's going to take a long time to figure out, and even longer to make it happen. But this unhappy place is not permanent. Start small, as small as you can, and give yourself grace that learning who you are and what you want will take time. It's okay. Even if it takes 5 years, that still leaves you a whole lot of life to enjoy your life., Four year olds are a tough age, even for NT or typically developing kids. It was difficult for our ASD kid (the oldest) and when we had his little sister and saw how the development affected her, it made me realize why it was so hard on him with the added difficulties of a communication disorder, GI problems, etc. All of that to say, I hear you that it’s hard and it is. All of it is temporary, especially with a kid that young. School will probably help a lot, both with his skills and with giving you a break. I get it, I was so burnt out before my son started school and it’s been a huge positive change. I still go through funks where it’s very difficult, but on the whole it has gotten easier. I hope you’re able to find a balance to help. It’s no fun living that way. Hugs., Hi. I am ND, probably Audhd. Have a 17,5 Aspie kid dx st 6y, highly intelligent but socially and 'worldly' younger. And an ADHD highly intell.15y old. My eldest was soooooooo much like your kid. Cried, never slept, talked at 5y. Now in Grammar school,sweet but still a lot of work...not at all an average 17y old. My youngest is sooo anxious and an hypochondriac and gloomy..... also 24-7 attention needed.. My now ex did and does not do an ff-ing thing. No dr's visits, no school stuff, no playdates, no nothing. He now has 2 new girls,4y and 3 weeks.... I have the 2 nd kids whole schoolweek, he has wknds. I now have my SO,not the parents of the kids. On our days alone I get my cry time, down time and energy time. On my kidsdays I 50-50 wanna leave Disappear Srry, have no tips,just know a bit how you feel..... 🌸🌸🌸💕🌸🌸🌸, Our pediatrician talked about Abilify and asked if we wanted a prescription for it. Since our child is only 4 and a half, we’re not ready to introduce any drugs yet. I don’t know what the future holds, so we’re considering medication as a last resort. That said, you might want to discuss this with your own pediatrician. For kids with neurodevelopmental disorders, growth is unpredictable. I’ve noticed changes in behavior every six months or so. As their brains develop, their behavior will change too. For example, he might stop resisting the potty but fight against something else. You can’t predict it. Also, consider speaking with an IEP coordinator; a few hours at school could give you a small break. Like another member said, this is a marathon. There are no easy solutions. If you’re not already doing so, think about joining a gym. Find an activity that distracts you or helps you zone out., I think individual therapy could help. It sounds like you’re feeling really anxious and depressed, and having a hard time coping with reality. In a dark place like this, it can be hard to pull yourself out without help. There is a lot of hope here, I can see it, you just have to get back to a place where you can see it too. Please fight back for your happiness. ETA- I’ve always been anxious too and sometimes it feels like something I have to live with. But it’s important to know when the level is too high and there’s no shame in therapy for help. If you’re truly just venting and not at this level, I mean no harm., No real advice for you. We just have to do what needs to be done for the sake of our children. That means sacrifice, and it also means doing what we need to in order to not burn out. It's a marathon, not a sprint. We have to become tougher and learn to know ourselves better. Fleeing isn't a real option. Our kids never asked to be brought into this world. We did that. It's our responsibility to do the best by them that we can. Simple as that. It's not about us anymore., Simple, we are just to broke to, We have a lot in common. Not everything but plenty. Our child changed everything not just by being a child but by such high needs. The good news is that you have a diagnosis! We didn’t have that for 10 years. I too stay at home because of her. I would be working and differently fulfilled otherwise. This Kobe we do is SO FUCKING HARD. I want to say that as they get older some things will get easier. Some. But one thing we have to do is learn to prioritize ourselves. You and your partner have lost yourselves and each other because there is literally no time for anyone other than a high needs child. There’s just not. It’s really nice in theory but nobody understands or wants to take it on like we have to and most people, unless they’ve experienced it, don’t get it. It’s very isolating. My daughter is 13 and we still have to read to her and lay with her at night. I have learned to cherish this though. Not enough people spend time with their kids. It has become a sweet time. Would I love the downtime other parents get to spend with their partners. Yes. This is our life though. My partner and I have had to talk a lot and shift as things shift. Trying to go to the store used to be a 4 hour meltdown at times and then we were exhausted and still had the store and everything else to accomplish plus a fragile child. Therapy around parenting an autistic child has helped us. It has helped us to manage our home better so that we can communicate better and then we can work together to find time for ourselves and together. I am still home and my husband works from home now. We take time once a week to do lunch together and sometimes he takes a day off for us to spend time together uninterrupted. It’s not ideal but it’s how we make it work. This year we are finally reconnecting in a lovely way that we haven’t had time for before because we were in survival mode for so long. Idk if this helps. Get some time for yourself when you can. Kiddo is school is a great time to take for yourself and also get things done you can’t do when they’re around. It will also provide you space to breathe and think clearly. I take space in the mornings to write. I drop the kids off at school, make my list and process. Then I do something fun or nice-watch hummingbirds, go for a walk/hike or take care of shit around the house. You have a really hard job. Know that you also have a really important job. Take care of yourself so you can do it well., I think you might consider moving to work outside the house. You need a life that isn’t just being a mom. You need to be fulfilled in other ways. For me, work is a welcome break. I am an adult with a separate identity! And then I can come home and be a great mom. But having that balance is key. And yes, every now and then mommy gets put in a time in to go manage her feelings., Ask a friend to watch the kids and get away for a few hours. Have a date with my husband. Go for a walk. Grab coffee. You must find self care to refill that bucket because it will continue to be emptied. That's a sign you're a great parent. And you deserve breaks., I take a break. Go in my closet and listen to my earbuds for about 10 minutes while my world is burning down., Something that's recently helped me a LOT is prayer. This isn't any kind of religious push. In fact my prayer isn't necessarily to God. Just "anyone" who might be listening. The great architect of the universe if you will. And even then it's not so much a prayer as a simple vocal expression. Most of the time it goes something along the lines of "I don't want this. I didn't ask for it. I'm not looking forward to a life of having an adult child and having to hold his hand every step of the way. I do wish I could leave. I do. But if this was a "normal" child, would I be saying these things? I don't know. No one truly knows what they can and can't handle as a parent and the only way to find out is to experience it. I want to leave. But I won't. I don't want to be in this situation, but I will do my best to do my best. I pray for peace, patience, strength, and guidance in this journey." Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. But the main thing that truly helps me is the act of vocalizing it. Vocalizing the negative side of it. Parents don't really tell their friends or colleagues about the shitty side of this. We mostly speak of the good things. "My son high five me today!" or "He put his cup where it goes this time!" But we hardly speak out on the hard stuff. He high fived me (but it was more of just a hand slap. Big deal. Something he should've been doing years ago) He put his cup where it goes (about damn time he usually just let's it go where he's standing when he decides he done with it) Address the negative as much as the positive. Out loud. It's all part of it. It sucks. We don't want it. We didn't ask for it. But regardless, these are our children and in becoming a parent, yes, we did ask for it. It's not all fun. Sometimes it's more negative than fun. But hold on to those tiny positive moments and accomplishments. No matter how few and far between. Because yes, the hand slap high five is a big deal. Putting the cuo back is a big deal. It's not to a "normal" kid, but it is to mine. And that's what matters. But I'm kinda getting off track. Don't hide or avoid the bad stuff. Accept it. Vocalize it. It's not fun. It sucks. Don't try to counter a negative with a positive. Address and express. You may be surprised at the power of gives you to simply express out loud that no, this isnt good. But your human. And you're a parent. And I'm sure you're doing your best. Your best may not be someone else's, but it's yours and that's valid., I went back to reread your post as I realized we have the exact same feelings. Being a good parent is really the hardest thing I’ve ever done. On the flip side, I also find myself getting more and more excited about the people they are growing to be and I do my best get myself out of the house even when all I want to do is sleep. Take care of yourself. Hot showers, bubble baths, a deep breath in the bathroom with the door shut, waking up early just to enjoy coffee or tea in silence. Any SMALL amount of quiet time to yourself that you can take, whether it’s given to you or you have to make the time, take it. I hope things get better ❤️, Single parents are so amazing. Hugs from a kiddo now adult that had a single parent. Hang in there. You’re amazing., This is exactly the situation with my daughter, except she knows her name because she will look and acknowledge but everything else you mentioned is the exact same but I’m hoping ABA helps. I isolated myself from friends as well because I feel they won’t understand or will just ask too many questions like why is she not doing this or that, is there a problem, etc. :( or even wanting to do stuff with the kids that i know my daughter wouldn’t want to do or would end up having a meltdown and we have to leave, 💕🫂, I think he will surprise me, honestly. Whenever I worry and think it might go poorly, he tends to handle it just fine as if to say, "See mom? I got this!" My main worry is that their playground is not fenced in, so he could potentially wander. Within 5 minutes walk is a large woodlot, a pond, and a very busy road, so that's where most of my fears comes into play. That and he needs a lot of help interacting with his peers. In the past, he has resorted to biting when he gets frustrated with another kid, so I'm hoping he doesn't do that. I just dread the teacher potentially telling me that and expecting me to fix it somehow, and it's like... there's some things I can TRY to fix but I can't wave a magic wand like they seem to think. :/ Like for the wandering thing, she told me to practice safety at home. Lol. Like we don't already do that. I don't think she knows ASD kids don't have the same sense of danger., Seconded. It gives a much needed break for sure, Thank you :), Haha I feel that. My husband often complains I have too many projects around the house, like decluttering a closet, but it gives me something to take my brain off of everything else., > I did feel guilty 30 minutes ago when I lost the rag with said sleeping partner because he literally did nothing but ask me 'what's the plan?' I've done this to my husband a few times as well. Like why am I the boss in this situation?! YOU tell ME what the plan is! But yes, I feel guilty after, too. I tend to get so grumpy when I'm tired, and we're often stuck late into the night with our son, so grumpies happen more than we'd like. >_<, Is it possible to get antidepressants without going to a therapist? I use to have one but ultimately it got too expensive. I don’t think she ever really took how depressive I was. I never mentioned it because I’m shy but I always thought maybe I’m not as down as I think, if she doesn’t care to mention or prescribe me something. But looking back,(5-6 month ago btw) I was so low. I contemplated suicide a couple times. I self harmed. And I was a SAHM. Could it be I just wasn’t transparent? I feel myself slipping back into that state. And if needed, i want to make sure I’m going to the right Dr/specialist. Thanks In advance., Not saying that’s not a valid question but I would argue that, from what I can gather, it’s the stress of being a ND parent that is the root cause of their marriage unhappiness. Nonstop mental and physical exhaustion is tough. If they didn’t have a NT and especially a ND kid, would they be feeling this way? Probably not and if that’s the case I’m not sure how a divorce would improve the situation. Myself and my wife were in a somewhat similar boat years back but things did improve slowly. We had no family to help us and a lot of our friends moved away from where we lived. Made the best of it though. Can’t recommend enough couples time once a week. Find a babysitter and get out for dinner together. It really helped in our case. Time together without kids is so important., We talked about divorce extensively and over several months plus during marriage counseling. I could write a novel, but I'll try to keep it brief. We both still love each other and want to stay together even though we are mentally and emotionally burned out and don't have the capacity to be there for each other right now. I think we are hoping as our son gets older, he becomes a little easier, mainly regarding sleep because that's what is killing us. When he was younger, we had a few hours every evening to hang out together, but that's gone now. Also there's just no benefit for either of us. We wouldn't date other people. Wouldn't benefit financially from splitting up. Wouldn't benefit by living separately and parenting separately., Yes, I try to do that with positivity journaling, but I also don't want to play the suffering olympics with other parents. I've met some other parents via an ASD kindergarten preparation program, and while the kids all seem to be around the same level of severity, it's been interesting to hear all the different struggles we all face., I may ask just to see if our doctor has any suggestions. He's generally on the same page as us regarding medications, so if he doesn't think our son is ready or will benefit from it yet, then we'll listen to him. But it doesn't hurt to ask again considering how poor my son's sleep is. We just can't seem to find that magical solution to get him to sleep. Once he slows down, he passes out in minutes, but it's getting him to slow down. He purposefully revs up when he feels tired and goes crazy hyperactive to try and stay awake., No harm or offense taken, don't worry about that part. :) I may make an appointment again. I haven't seen her in a while. I almost feel bad going back to my therapist to be like... hi, I backslid, lol. I've always avoided medications for my anxiety, but sometimes I wonder if I should try it., I agree with you. But maybe some of this is about us; we are who they have. Without us, they are much more vulnerable. We awknowledge our feelings in order to function. We didn't ask to be brought into this world either. One could argue that reproduction has complicated aspects that extend beyond free will and individual choice., A stoic approach works for some. But it is worth asking ‘is this all there is?’ Some of us think we only have one life. And trade ways to escape this prison if only for glimpses., If the playground is not fenced I’d get him an IEP (if he doesn’t have one already) and have in there that he needs extra supervision on the playground. If he qualifies, Social work could help too to help with interacting with peers and maybe even the biting issue if it comes up again. The school might even have paras that could push into the classroom at time to help with social situation or just an extra set of eyes on the playground. IEPs can take a while to get so I’d contact the school asap about it even if it’s just to ask when you should get in contact with them about putting one in place., this made me nervous, is it a special school? i made sure our school had a fenced in playground and it was a huge part of why we picked it and bypassed others. I hope he at least has an aid. my son waits for ppl to not be looking then takes off., Make sure you get an IEP and don’t be afraid to ask for one on one care. This will help with most of those issues with the non fenced in playground. By law if it’s a public school they have to allow this as it is a need of his., Like a brain break, I never talked to a therapist, I went through my family doctor. I am in Canada., [removed], Your feelings are valid and what you are going through is hard. I bet your therapist would be proud of you for prioritizing your mental health. My son just started prek and I can relate, it’s so stressful. Also when I’m going through a stressful time, my husband and I fall into that roommate phase too. Like you said it improves and then during a difficult time intimacy suffers. I try not to be hard on myself about it. Lately I’ve decided that I refuse to let the circumstances of my life steal my joy. Right now I just want to dance in the rain. I hope that things get easier for you and your family!, Both my partner and I have gone on medication since having kids. It does help., I started taking anxiety medication when my daughter was about 9 months old (so before her diagnosis). Life was a lot at the time. I had a baby with unexpected/unexplained health issues, my mom had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and moved in with us to have care/better access to treatment. They’d given mom 2 months to 6 months to live. It really all felt unmanageable at the time and I wasn’t sleeping, because I would just lie awake and move the pieces of my life around to figure out how everything that I needed to do would get done. I’d always been an anxious person. I wish I had started medication years earlier. It’s not that medication erased my anxiety or worries, but it did help me to rationally and pragmatically work through things. It stopped my worries from consuming me. I feel like it has subsequently made me a better parent, too. I’m an incredibly patient and calm parent. I’m able to stay cool, calm, and collected when my kid is being pure chaos or tantruming. Medication really has been a game changer for me!, You've formulated this so nicely. Thank you., I think that sort of escapism only creates internal tension and exacerbates our own suffering. Far better to learn confront the reality that we're entrenched instead of entertaining immoral fantasies about abandoning our disabled children., Seconding this. He might qualify for having a classroom aide (depending on his severity level) and the school district would be required to provide one to help him and also keep him safe., Public K-6 school. One of my Mom friends whose son is also starting kindergarten said her public school has the same no-fence thing, and they claimed it was a safety hazard to have one, which is why they don't. It's strange., > OP: "We probably shouldn't have become parents, but we did.." The first red flag is having kids when you don't want them. To give more context, at the start of our relationship, he said it was my decision whether or not we had kids. I didn't want them at first. Then I was on the fence for a lot of years about it. Then he changed his mind and said he wanted to have a kid, and we both agreed and went off birth control and tried, got pregnant within 3 months. We did the screenings and agreed to abort if anything came back positive. We knew disability was always a possibility, but like... the odds were not in that favor, you know? We had no one in our family with ASD. Statistically, we were not likely to have a child with a disability, so we rolled the dice as every parent does. Our son as a newborn totally kicked our asses. Everyone says you don't know how hard a baby is until you have one, and they were right. It was a hard slap in the face. We fully admitted within the first few weeks that we didn't really understand what we were getting into. Then we looked forward to him getting older so we'd get a little freedom back, but that never came due to his diagnosis. And we're still saying the same thing, lol. I wouldn't willing take away my son's existence knowing him as I do now because he's awesome, but if he was some nameless entity called "a baby" that I hadn't seen before, I'd warn my past self to avoid it. Part of why we ultimately decided not to have anymore. We're selfish people who want time to ourselves and to blend into a crowd, and our son is the total opposite of that, not just due to ASD but also his personality. He's very extroverted and social, so that exhausts me as an introverted person!, I disagree that they would be unhappy in either circumstance and don’t see how that’s CLEAR at all. Obviously they were happy at one point and decided to elope., This post/comment was removed for parent shaming. If you cannot engage with compassion, please take a break before trying again. Repeated violations of this rule will result in a ban., I agree acceptance is the pathway to peace if not joy. The misery comes from comparison with and longing for what isn’t. However no fantasy is immoral. It’s just fantasy, Torquemada., That is unusual. I wonder why. It seems like a huge liability., Your mind is a garden. Your thoughts are the seeds that sprout and grow into your actions. Fantasies with immoral objects, especially when tended and nourished by your conscious infatuation, often lead to their realization in the form of your behavior. There's a degree to which we are at the mercy of our nature when it comes to what fantasies arise in our minds unconsciously, but with mental discipline, we can respond rightly and tidy our minds by eschewing our fixation on thoughts of an immoral or unproductive character. With this in mind, I flatly disagree with the assertion that no fantasy is immoral., Mental discipline will never stop thoughts from occurring. I think it’s unkind to spread this fire and brimstone self flagellation gospel to parents reaching out for community and support., Spoiled children often confuse structure with meanness. Discipline goes a long way. There's nothing fire and brimstone about it. I'm not saying they're damned, I'm saying that allowing yourself to fixate and dwell on the idea of abandoning your child will not lead to anything fruitful., The hopelessly repressed can never shake their yoke. Best of luck.
Parents blame me	I just found out our son has ASD. He is 7 with ADHD already. My parents blame the COVID vaccine and me for what they suspect caused his ASD. My mom just recently told me he is full of mercury and they don’t want him (our son) to be a “vegetable”. I just can’t anymore with my family. I am just going to cut them out. They clearly don’t support our family and just cause more problems. This is really sad because we don’t have any support as it is. Thanks for listening to my sad rant.	Sounds like you’re making the right decision to me. I don’t have any patience for that sort of thing. Life is already difficult enough., We've cut out anyone who thinks we are in any way to blame for our children's diagnoses. My husband's oldest brother is 20 years older than my husband. He was born in 1961 pre mmr vaccine and was diagnosed as an adult in his 50s. It's not vaccines or mercury. I've also cut off people who blame my kids being autistic on a lack of spankings., ✂️✂️✂️ What an insanely insensitive thing to say. Why are the older generations like this? My parents are likewise toxic, and also completely CO'd from our life. I hope that you can find peace., My MIL, a highly educated speech therapist who spent her entire career working with ASD children, also came to believe that vaccines contributed to my son’s diagnosis. Sigh. Stay strong. My life has been much less stressful since I left her and her opinions behind., Have you tried asking what metals have destroyed their cognition enough to believe any of their crap? Or perhaps "what heavy metal detox have you tried so far? Oh... Interesting! I only ask because clearly it isn't working, your mental capacity seems to get lower every time we talk." Or my other favorite is to ask (in a serious concerned tone) who discovered the vaccine connection (Andrew Wakefield). Then I ask what their research looked like. How big their study pool was (his childs birthday party), how long of a study (one afternoon). If they still have the nerve to keep going I ask them if they'll pull up the peer reviewed research (no longer exists because it is all bullshit) so I can read over it. Which leads to alllll of the "wow this guy was so stupid how does anyone believe him" articles. ETA I cut half of my family out years ago (dad and brother). It was freeing. I fully endorse it., My wife is a doctor, her mother is a nationally recognized doctor. Your parents are wrong. Not only that, they are being short sighted and damaging you and therefore your son. BTW, politically we are right leaning. Feel free to share this with them., it sounds like your parents would be hurtful regardless- using anything to hurt you. it sounds incredibly selfish of them.. my heart goes out to you., That is the most bullshit thing anybody can ever say to you. Coming from your parents is a completely transcended level of disrespect. Neither you nor your family need that, Sounds like your parents have gone down the rabbit hole. My sister blamed me for my sons autism symptoms because I didn’t take him to visit her often enough., That’s clearly an asinine thing to say. And ignorant. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. ❤️ Do what you need to do to preserve your sanity and peace of mind. Cutting them off is a decision they made for you when they made those comments., I'm so sorry you're going through this, and especially at a time when you need all the support you can get. Some areas have parent support groups for kids on the spectrum. You could also look for support groups for people dealing with narcissists. I have narcissistic parents, and it's been incredibly helpful for me to talk to other people in my situation., Definitely sounds like you're making the right decision, even though it's a hard one to make under the circumstances. No one should have to put up with that sort of thinking - especially not the parents of a child with a disability. I hope you're able to build a better support network and surround yourself with people who get it and care about you, your family, and your child, wherever you are. ❤️, Cut them out right away. This is the right decision. People with this absurd mentality will not change, and honestly you will have less stress without them. You never did have their support to begin with (would you trust them with your kid knowing they think this way?), so you are not losing anything., I'm just curious how people believing this misconception explain those diagnosed with ASD that were never vaccinated. I'm sorry. It has been said a few times now but should be repeated. You and your family deserve nothing but support and reassurance right now and always. You aren't getting it with them. Maybe they'll come around, but you can't wait for that and you shouldn't waste another second wondering why they can't be supportive., I was told by a family member that my son is autistic because I voted for Hillary Clinton in 2016 and this is how god is punishing me. We don't speak anymore. It was easy to cut them out honestly., Sounds like a great excuse to cut them out. You and your family deserve better., 100% with you OP. They sound toxic anyway, it doesn’t have to be a permanent thing, do what’s right for you. We have zero support, sounds like you’ll be going from negative support UP to zero support, We’ve got your back. I’m sorry that happened., Absolutely time to cut them out. That is a disgusting thing for them to say to you. My son is autistic and was never old enough for the Covid vaccine when we lived in the US, we now live in the Uk and they don’t vaccinate children at all. Vaccines and autism are not related, I cut ties with my dad few years back. Well, he didn't make it hard, he spent his life not being there for me. But when he started posting how covid is a pr terror campaign by the western elites _AFTER_ my gramma on the other side died of it, I had had it. We got our son's (and by proxy mine) diagnosis later on. Don't know or care what he might say to that. He can be nationalistic nutjob putin supporter conspiracy peddler moron on his lonesome., Omg these kinds of people should be banned from the internet, they clearly cannot use it responsibly. If your son is 7 and only just now getting diagnosed, I suspect he’s very far from being a vegetable., Cut them out you do not need that negativity in your life, Oh jeez. I'm sorry dude. You know it's not your fault. I literally laughed at "the COVID vaccine," or anytime anybody says any vaccine for that matter. Literally been proven to be genetics, but ooohhhhkkaaaayyyy. Forget them., As a grandfather to an child with ASD, I'm so sorry that they treated you that way. You deserve so much better., My wife’s attitude caused our sons autism according to my mother-in-law…, I experience something different with my parents. We all grew up with the autism (asd 3 by todays standard) so when I told them about the diagnosis, they said it was wrong. Then I said here are some of reasons. They were like oh , that’s what you did so father like son. They were more accepting, It’s not your fault, you know this but it’s nice to remember. I think an older generation just has a hard time accepting these things. Granted, they all have different ways to communicate it and many can be hurtful. Sometimes parents have a weird way of showing love or that they care. It’s up to you how much you want to receive that kind “love.” Wishing you peace., I’m so sorry they said this. It’s so insensitive. I didn’t have much support either. My in-laws live in a different country and my parents are deceased. I found my own support. See if your school has a SEPAG group (special education parent advisory group). If in US your school should. It’s a great support for parents., I'm sorry your family is so unsupportive and say those nonsense things that are totally untrue. Even my family says milder things, like "She isn't autistic, she will outgrow it, all kids act that way," etc., I have a parent who says similar things. I told him that I wanted a relationship with him but I found myself getting upset every time we talked. It made me want to avoid talking to him. So, if he wanted to have a relationship, it would be best if we didn't talk about my parenting at all. So now we talk about food, weather, good news types of things. If the conversation starts to veer into ASD or parenting, I am VERY quick to say "oh, look at that, time to go" and stop the conversation. You have to protect yourself and your kid. "Positive vibes only", I have a COVID conspiracy theorist in my family as well and it stresses me out so much as it is without them connecting the COVID vaccine to my children’s diagnoses. Your child, your immediate family and your mental health come before they do, I would absolutely cut them out. Can you try connecting to some local support groups for parents to build a support network? Good luck., As a grandfather to an child with ASD, I'm so sorry that they treated you that way. You deserve so much better., Hear me out. Yes this hurts like hell I know it - I’ve been there too. It’s judgmental, insensitive, and accusatory! The LAST shit you need when dealing with a diagnosis. Right? I already know that YOU have been through wondering why. Been curious, wanting something to blame, and just an answer why. Unfortunately our relatives go through the SAME process. They too are curious, wanting to blame something, and wanting answers. I understand from the receiving end that it hurts like hell listening to love ones speak on how you are (essentially) responsible for causing autism. (My own blood father called CPS bc I “caused autism”) Truth is autism has been around forever probably always will be. It’s likely genes, there’s no one and nothing to “blame” here, and just maybe autism is okay at the end of the day? Sure it’s not ideal for all facets of life but are any of us “typical” people ideal for ALL the parts of life? For me just accepting that we all have our thoughts, opinions, concerns, ideas AND flaws. Has severely helped me cope in these situations. “Yeah mercury covid yeah yes” Occasionally I’ll laugh and go through MY goofy list of possible causes I had researched - oranges and lemons. Maybe the pesticides I ate a lot of oranges when I was prego! Had lemon in EVERY sprite…omg soda.. - one study said autism was higher in areas near major highways. I was pregnant in Las Vegas!! Lol I drive a car ohnoohno - everything, pumping gas, high fructose corn syrup, vaccines, electronics, birth control, fire retardants on fabrics, Tylenol, micro plastics in our bodies, GMO’s, common colds, blood types, allergies, and diet sodas! By the end of it all acceptance is the only option left. For everyone., Your parents sound like jackasses for blaming you. I know for a fact how vaccines changed my life. You do you!, I'm autistic and I'm 21 weeks pregnant there is a massive chance that my little girl will have Autism. It runs in my family so It would be besare if she was normal 😂. Don't worry about what they say its genetics not some stupid vaccine. And there is amazing things like the sunshine fund to get a ipad for free for your little one. Or the national autism walk to help support autism fundraising. If you live in the UK x, What makes me laugh is those family members that aren't diagnosed don't even realise that they actually have autism, but back in their day autism wasn't recognised., Just tell them it was all the Tylenol. /s They unfortunately are very uneducated and probably get info from social media and don’t know what’s wrong with that. My daughter is “high functioning.” My parents used to blame us for her behaviors and say how she’s controlling us and manipulating us etc. for years. Unless you live with her you don’t see what we see. Nobody believed us. They thought we were embellishing or overreacting constantly. It took 10 years for a fucking diagnosis. Idk what changed. Maybe it was how persistent we were with talking about the struggles and after seeing it first hand more than once over a couple years my mom’s head popped out of her butt and she started to consider maybe it wasn’t my fault. Autism is so isolating because other people don’t get it. I probably wouldn’t either if I didn’t live with it. It’s even harder when friends and family can’t be there because this is really when we need them sooooooo much. What I want to get at is that you know. And that’s enough. And I hope for your family that some day their heads pop out of their butts too. Because they’re missing out on you and your family., I’m really sorry. My brother recently divorced, and his ex and her family also blame mercury and are certain there may be bad spirits involved. They are just hoping my nephew will snap out of it. They are also waiting for some medical bed that will “heal” him. Spoiler: he wasn’t vaccinated until recently. For anything. So they can’t blame that. The mother in law has explicitly blamed it on my brother. His genes made my nephew autistic. I hate all of it. My nephew is perfect as he is and without acknowledging the reality of his autism, it all goes nowhere for anyone., I'd rather not have their support then their abuse and misguided opinions, There are studies suggesting autism is genetic. My daughter’s diagnosis led to my own. Your parents are clearly ignorant on the subject., This breaks my heart!!! I am a single mother with a 2 1/2 yr old son who has ASD, Aspergers to be more specific. I am 100% ON MY OWN with my son, and I'll tell ya when I read stuff like this... I get so upset with how people take liberties to treat someone else, even when it's FAMILY! FAMILY AINT FAMILY IF THATS WHATS GOING ON!!! There is an entire community of people out there who can be helpful and supportive and not shame you for how your child came out!!! Now MOST people I know who have connections to their families they cant walk away from have some type of financial assistance going on that makes it somehow the parents right or excuse to treat them badly but if this isnt the case GET OUTTA THAT SITUATION!! There are days i cant get myself to the doctors because I have nobody to watch my son but Id prefer that than to be intentionally shamed every day with guilt over something that was 100% out of my control by people who CLAIM they love me..... no, no, no. Now I have a severe history of trama in my family which I walked away from long ago and I will say eventhough times can be hard on my own, they would be MUCH harder with someone in my ear telling me something as awful as that every day. Do yourself a favor and find YOUR PEOPLE! The ASD community can be a great place to dig into for help with your child and for some support. ❤️❤️❤️, Thanks so much for being supportive! You are exactly right! This is really hard. I am so glad that this community exists. Thank you!, You’d think I was a tailor the way I cut people out who decide to shame me while also telling me how to raise my son. I don’t have time for the BS., Agree. It is frustrating to even have to deal with this or attempt to explain/educate when they likely will not even be receptive., Some of these older folks are getting all their news from Fox News, and they believe these lies about Covid vaccines. Yes, you just have to distance yourself from their ignorance and negativity., I think the word is “stupid” not insensitive. They heard something dumb, only believe the sources that back it up, and don’t care that the original dumb thing has been discredited., I agree. Completely insensitive. I am sorry that you are going through the same thing with your parents. It is really challenging when we don’t receive support and understanding from our families. Thank you for seeing the situation for what it is and providing empathy., The internet quite literally breaks their brains. A lot of neuroscience going on in this area., A former friend told 2 of my friends it was their fault for their children being autistic because they were vaccinated, so sadly it's still not an older generation thing, That and they are stubborn and ignorant, Oh no. That is horrible. I cannot imagine how frustrating that is., Why you don’t believe someone who spent whole life working with kids?, Lol! Agree! Maybe I should hire a team of archaeologists to dig into my parents’ brain and unearth the hidden treasures of wrong cognition! Who knows what precious metals they would find! 😀, Oh damn... You understood the assignment lol, Thank you! I really appreciate your perspective and the expertise of your wife and mother in law!! It is definitely challenging when parents hold onto misconceptions and falsehoods especially about autism. I have tried to educate them but I don’t think they will ever get it., I'm a doctor. I'm autistic. My mum is autistic. My daughters are autistic. The modern vaccines, modern pollutants our kids are exposed to didn't exist when my mum was a kid. You'd almost think there's a hereditary component..., I appreciate this perspective. Agree., Agree! I appreciate this! We are definitely just going to stop communicating with them., I wish they could understand the evidence and provide support instead of blame. I am sorry you are going through this too., Thank you for your support. You are exactly right. It is really important to keep peace of mind. I want to do my best to create a positive and nurturing place for my son and family., Thanks so much! I do believe my parents are or have narcissistic qualities. It is pretty typical behavior. I am definitely looking for support groups. It is too hard to figure out on my own., Thank you for your kind words and encouragement of support. It helps me have strength and work towards building better ties., Agree! They are not going to change or even apologize., Agree! Their logic does not make sense. I wish they would come around but I don’t think they will., Wow. Just wow., Agree! Thank you for validating this., This is exactly how to describe the situation., Exactly! We are here for you! I’m sorry your parents are so stupid!, Agree! Very disgusting and thoughtless., I am so sorry you had to go through that! That sounds toxic!, Agree! That comment was beyond hurtful., Definitely will!!, Agree! It is funny how absurd it is!, Thank you!! It makes me so happy that there are good decent kind people like you in the world!!, Sorry you also have to go through this. I wish our families would offer support and compassion instead., If my mother in law knew oboist our child’s diagnosis I’m sure she’d blame me., Wow! Thank you for sharing this incredible story. Everyone has a different journey. I am so glad that they finally accepted the diagnosis., Thank you for this!! So appreciate the advice! I will look at this!, Love that! We tried that too but they keep “forgetting” to not bring it up., Agree! They are just trying to make sense of this. I wish they would recognize how hurtful it is though., Congratulations!! Wishing you a happy pregnancy!! That baby girl will be beautiful and have an amazing mom!! Agree! Not going to worry about it anymore., That is very much true. Everyone’s journey is unique. Criteria for diagnosing has changed so much., It is so isolating! I wish they could see that! I am glad to hear your family changed! Wish it was like that!, Sorry your family has to go through that! Your nephew is so lucky to have an amazing person like you in his life!!, Agree with this!, Agree! I wish they would be willing to listen and learn., Hey, I just wanted to say thanks for opening up and sharing your experiences as a single mom. I think you’re incredibly strong and brave for handling everything on your own. If there’s anything I can do to support you if you need a friend or to talk just let me know. You’re an amazing mom!! ❤️Agree with everything you said., Just seconding this. Those types of people only get worse and stress you out every time you talk to them. My father was very smart but died before my kids were born. Last I saw my mother was at his funeral. We live in a state where we know nobody. So I hear you on no support. My wife insists on keeping close with parents that were abusive and neglectful and spew nonsense like this constantly. I don't get it. Why keep close with someone who searches for ways to criticize, blame, and put you down, no matter how outrageous or hypocritical, every damn time you speak., This is true. My parents definitely watch Fox News a lot., True. It is stupid., Yeah, I'm also a doctor who diagnoses autism. Honestly, in the spiel I give post diagnosis about causes, one of the things I can say most clearly state based on the research evidence to date is that vaccines do not cause autism. It's be researched very intensely due to some studies in the past that had falsified data (which have been discredited), and really it's one of the most conclusive things we can say. Also parenting style has been looked at fairly intensely (again due to having been an outdated theory) so is also quite strongly disproven., Show them my comment and see what they come back with, Definitely. I wish they could understand this, Thank you for your kindness and support! Really appreciate this community!, They likely will one day. Chances are it will come up and everyone’s feelings will eventually be expressed. You’re all going through a loss of expectations rn. Especially you so focus on that. Let time help take care of this., You mean the one study where the researcher’s sample size was 12 kids and his funding for the study was from a lawyer that’s covers anti-vaccination cases. 😡, Thank you for this! It is so important to focus on the evidence to better educate. I wish they would choose to listen., Thank you for validating this! I appreciate this perspective!!, where the results were also highly falsified and the children were abused
People thinking I’m superwoman	And their thinking is so wrong. So, so, wrong. I’m overwhelmed every fucking day. Brought to my breaking point multiple times a day, and then just dissociate when I realize this is my forever. Before anyone asks; yes I have a therapist, a good support system, get respite, and have every tangible resource at my disposal to deal with my daughter’s autism (4.5, level 3). She is in ABA all day, does speech, OT, has a nanny, everything. But this condition is horrific. I feel like my daughter is killing me, and I resent her for how much she’s changed our lives. My older son (7) is in talk therapy, has withdrawn from peers, and is constantly showing somatic symptoms of stress due to the constant chaos at our house. His therapist has concluded that my son’s developing nervous system is attacked every time his sister screams (which is frequent, violent, and blood curdling). We do everything we can to mediate her meltdowns, but it’s like we’re in flight or fight every fucking day. I hate my daughter at times. Feel repulsed by her even. I often wonder how I’m going to survive. I have to, for her sake, for my son’s sake, but sometimes I just want to get in my car, take my son, and drive away for good. People around me think I’m superwoman, but I’m really just a desperate mother, reconciling unnatural and cruel feelings about my daughter, currently sobbing in private as I listen to my daughter self-harm in the other room.	I’m a shell of my former self dealing with this alone with my son (8). It’s so depressing. Sending solidarity 💗, Can your son sleep over somewhere once or twice a week so he can have a chance to relax and reset? Is there any chance you could get a weekend away for just you?, I feel you. I don’t have these intrusive thoughts all the time but they do happen. Your only consolation is people do think your superwoman. For me, everyone is a narcissist and they all either question anything I do, give unsolicited advice that could would on a NT child, or tell me to stay positive even though I never vent or say a negative thing to anyone since it would fall on deaf ears. They are allowed to vent to me about their child but the minute I even have a hint of something I get slammed with toxic positivity and, well you need to do more of this. Could be I am the youngest mom of all the moms I know., If you’re feeling particularly saucy you can tell them you’re only superwoman because you have no choice but to be., So much love to you. I can absolutely relate to your words. I'm sorry. I have felt broken in half thinking about how my older child's life changed so much, and it's not undoable. I have also felt the same just acknowledging the reality of my younger child's life. And of course mine, as well. I'm not great, but I feel like I've accepted it more than ever, even if it's taken almost 7 years. It certainly hasn't been linear, and it doesn't mean I won't feel upset about it again or weighed down with regret, but it's a welcome change from the bitterness, anger, and desperation I vacillated between for a while. I had to work really hard on radical acceptance, and it's not always easy. I still get overstimulated almost every single day., I feel this so much. I get people telling me I’m amazing, when really I’m falling apart and so is my family. It sucks., This life is so, so hard. You are not alone., I relate to this so much I don't bother sharing with other people because the false positivity annoys me I live in hell every day and I hate it. I have 2 autistic children with intellectual disability and I'm literally on the edge at all times . I have been assaulted more times than I can count. I've had a broken nose, tooth punched out, thrown down the stairs and numerous punches to the face. All in the last year. I'm a single parent and what I've taken to doing is waiting until they have a bit of time with their dad during the holidays or whatever and disappearing on holiday. Can I afford this? No. Do I care? Also no. People can think what they want but if I don't do this I feel like I'll just throw myself in to the nearest canal. To the outside world I probably look like im coping but I'm not. I've tried being open and honest with people about my feelings, fear, resentment, tiredness etc but it falls on deaf ears. So I plaster a smile on, keep my feelings inside and wait for the times I can get a break, recuperate and forget out it all for a few days., I am in the same situation except ZERO SUPPORT SYSTEM, no friends, my 2 autistic children are 19 and 16, violent and screaming- my oldest, not on the spectrum beautiful boy I found dead in his bed- my family wants nothing to do with them or us, it’s nearly torn my marriage apart- i can’t find a good therapist- this New Year’s Eve was the first time my husband and I went out- since 2007. Everyone thinks I’m so strong- because life has kicked us in the face repeatedly? My husband has not worked since Halloween when he was tboned in a car crash at 55 mph. I wish every day I would not wake up. I have no friends, before my son died in 2011 at 16 I had dozens, I was always going out, my husband was my best friend. I cannot do this anymore., I guess my question to pose to everyone who has commented (and clearly, gets what it’s like to have a severely autistic child)…is there anything to hope for? Anything to look forward to? Because I don’t think I can do this for the rest of my life., It's hard trust me I know what you mean . There are so many thoughts that run through our heads but at the end of the day we can't do anything about. Fucking autism is the worst fucking mental disability., I hate it when people say that. It makes it sound like it is easy for me, or at least not as hard as it would be for them. It gives them an excuse to lack sympathy for me., I’m just existing at this point.. I have three children 13 m asd ocd adhd Daughter 10 asd adhd pda Daughter 5 asd I honestly get it OP 😫, I could have written this exact thing about two years ago. One day, one hour at a time, one meltdown at a time was how we got through it. Please hold on., You are not alone❤️ Sending peace, grace and love over your mind body soul and household, We're "super" or "strong" or whatever people say because there's no other choice. I agree, when you feel hate and vitriol toward your kids and your life long situation, you feel like shit. I have three autistic boys. I can't escape autism. I realized I am autistic myself which is a factor of why I have an even harder time handling my kids. I think just today I told my husband I hated both my two youngest. Obviously we know we love our kids but the blind rage/ fear/ sadness/ hopelessness/ frustration etc can just take over., I'm currently hiding in the bedroom drinking my coffee behind a locked door after I blew up screaming at my youngest son. I don't care if he destroys the house in the 5 minutes I'm in here. So, so done with the sleep deprivation and Hell I live in every day. I get the same thing... "I couldn't do it"... "You're stronger than me..." I have no choice, that's the only difference. No respite, ABA, public school or anything like that in my case, though - just 15+ hours a day every day of working with my autistic children. Life is peachy some days., Being seen as superwoman is way better than being seen as a failure as a parent. I just get dirty looks, correcting parenting advice, and even if my children achieve something cut down…. Oh and my level 2 child isn’t really level 2 I just need to do a better job., I’m sorry you feel like this. I feel sorry for your daughter. I really hope you’re seeing a therapist and psychiatrist for these intense emotions you’re experiencing., I feel this so deeply. I cry everyday, I constantly feel like I’m drowning. People tell me I’m so strong, but really I’ve never been so suicidal in my life., Dear I'm so sorry and especially for your son. Maybe take her outta aba. I've heard it can cause behaviors when it's time to go. Has it ever helped her?, Don't know where you are but do you have an equivalent of "Young Carers" (UK group) they may be able to provide support for your son., Hugs..being an ASD parent is beast of a job. From another empathic ASD Parent, I'm a shell, too. That's the best way for me to describe this me with this life that came from that me with that life. It's an isolating place to be unless someone else really understands it, and most people don't., People really do do this. They have no idea what they are talking about and push optimism/silver linings/etc to regulate their own discomfort, invalidating and holding zero space for whats being shared., Related to every word of this., This sounds awful. It's probably why I don't talk to a lot of people about any of it. I couldn't handle this type of response. I couldn't shove my true feelings and frustration down. I don't handle others invalidating my feelings and reality well. You don't deserve this invalidation, you know. It's total BS. People can just be quiet if they have nothing useful to share. Toxic positivity is worse than passive aggression., My child is still pretty young so our final outcome isn’t really set yet. It’s still currently involves lots of screaming… I figure three things: My son might get better…. He gets old enough to medicate if that doesn’t work then he gets old enough to institutionalize. I have absolutely no plans to keep him at home if he is high level severe. Group homes have a very stable schedule and I can visit multiple times a week. (Then go home to peace.), I've given up on hope tbh I live for my holidays..when I can't do that any more I don't know what I'll do. Because no - I can't do this for the rest of my life My eldest is almost 18... getting support has been impossible despite his behaviours and challenges. Maybe one of these days he'll throw me down the stairs, and this will end, If you look through this sub, the people at their breaking points usually have kids ages 3-5. It seems to get better as you get away from the toddler years. I know that's not true for every autistic person, but in general, there is every reason to hope and expect that it gets much much better., [deleted], How is your kiddo doing now? Definitely holding onto any hope I can., The dirty looks…I know those! I’ve started calling people out on staring at my kid. I tell them to be ashamed of themselves and go count their fucking blessings, Yes, it’s helped her immensely. She is loved there, and it’s the BEST place for her to be. Her needs are severe enough that I would never consider anything other than ABA at this point., It really seems to me like they should just shut up. This is also why I tend to only open up to other neurodivergents because they're less likely to come with some fake, shaming BS. Like how tf would they even know what they're talking about anyway?! Makes me feel angry., Oh that’s for sure. I get blamed because I have 2 kids on the spectrum and my first wasn’t, he passed away at 16 and my only “ friend” said it was too bad it was him and not one of my autistic kids- the things people say are disgusting., Yes! So true. I am SO vague now. Oh, yeah I what resource is that from SCERTS method? If it’s really aggressive I’ll say Lovaas, lol. I just walk away now and pretend I didn’t hear them. Or I’ll say “ oh you’re welcome to try that! Our occupational therapist said that sometimes kids on the spectrum won’t try things with their parents but funny enough they will do something for a stranger. So ask your supports to try it with your kid if you think it’s worth a shot . Obviously we use our own judgement! “ That shuts them up pretty quick! Lol. They then proceeded to try a 360 cup with my son multiple times which starts a meltdown. I said, now the next piece is calming him down after trying something new that a kid on the spectrum’s parents have to navigate! But we keep trying,” In my head I just say, fucking idiot. In my head it’s really not a terrible thing that someone tried a different cup with him, it’s not really hurting him and it’s a learning lesson for them! If they ever say well you could try it, we will say that advice would be great but we’ve already tried it many times so if you’re UP! Lol, Ugh this is why I feel even worse for posting. I am home (alone) from 830-245 (when I get my kiddo from ABA). It’s the few hours I’m with my daughter that are exhausting. I get my respite, my “me” time, but it is still so overwhelming having to deal with her, especially throwing her brother into the mix., Oldest is in residential and doing great with the structure and 24/7 intensive care that we couldn't provide to him at home (leading to aggressions). He has 2 direct care providers with him at all times and they only work with him for 4 hour shifts, so no one gets burned out. Youngest (also lvl 3) is thriving, but still has moments of PTSD and occasionally will have aggressions but it is rare (like once every three or four months where his brother it was multiple times a day and severe intensity--like call the cops intensity). It's almost been two years that the oldest has been in residential and things are mostly peaceful at home with tickles and laughter and LOTS of drawing. We can live again., Holy fuck I’m so sorry., I think you should let the "friendship" die, if you haven't already. That's a monster, not a friend, and I am truly sorry they said that to you, and I am so sorry about your oldest son's passing. I love each of my kids equally, (honestly, I think all 3 of them may be autistic, not just my 2 oldest), and it doesn't matter how much more challenged one is in comparison to the others. They're all wonderful in their own loving, unique ways, and I bet your children are too. Shame on that terrible person. I hope you meet better people in your life that can be true friends to you. 🌸, I’m sorry.❤️❤️❤️ people are horrible, I am sorry. I never meant to shame or guilt trip or anything. If you are doing it all on your own, that's completely different. I will delete my comment. I apologize., I try to remind myself that the laughs, the tickles, the cuddles…the new words spoken (with meaning) are sometimes enough to make carrying on with life doable, and at times, enjoyable. I’m really hoping this is part of being a 4.5 year old (stuck in a 2 year old’s body/brain), and that things will settle., Also, it sounds like your son is really thriving. What a good decision you made. Our previous nanny worked in a residential setting, and I know she gave those kids so much love ❤️, I appreciate the kind words and yes, that was never a true friendship. I just wish there were ways we could get together, as autistic parents, it’s close to impossible to make friends especially not being able to drive- I crave other adults and the sisterhood of other mothers who understand, my husband desperately needs friends. I’ll just say it if anyone else feels that way and is in the San Antonio, TtX reason pm me… thanks, Thanks for the kindness, No not at all!, I would love to meet up with moms like you, and have our kids play together, whether it's actually playing together or they do their own things around each other. 💜 It's a shame we all live so far away. Lots of love to you and your family. 💜, I think I feel like I’m realizing I have a lot to be grateful for. Despite the shitty circumstances, Thanks Violet-wish so much we could organize and get together for the sake of kids but truly for OUR sake too!!! Anyone else feel this way please let’s text and just give each other SUPPORT 🩷🧡💛💚💙💜, I don't ever want you to feel guilty for having a difficult time. Yes, there are things to be grateful for, but I hate, HATE when people downplay myself or others with their difficulties. If it's hard for you, it's hard for you, you know? There is nothing wrong with that. Lots of love to you and your kiddo. 💜🙏🏻
Perfection?	Recently, our 3.5 year old with level 1 ASD had meltdowns if things aren’t “perfect” (in their words). If they complete a task, and it isn’t right, there is a full scale meltdown including sobbing and screaming. It just breaks my heart that they’re so upset - especially when they’re trying their very best and doing a great job! We(husband and I) don’t ever talk about things needing to be perfect or expecting things to be perfect. We celebrate little victories and are sure to praise their efforts in trying things. Has anyone else had this experience? Any tips on helping our little one navigate these feelings?	Also relates to the models of autism as difficulty with prediction/prediction error, which you can Google. When something is perfect , it is understood, safe, you are in control. When it deviates from the expected ideal the world is extra unpredictable., This is partially why our neurologist is referring us for more testing to see if my daughter has a comorbid anxiety disorder (apparently "it's not just how I pictured" can often be "panic. Something is wrong. Wrong means we're in danger!" to children with an anxiety disorder). We're still waiting for that appointment, but we do our best to approach things as if it's a fear/she needs comforted right now, and it's helped (as she's gotten older, Gabby's Dollhouse has also been a great addition. The creators wanted to make it about "the beauty of failure" and so a lot of the songs and shows are about not being able to do things yet and that being okay. It's really helped her as well), Yep. My kiddo has always had a low frustration tolerance (and would get outraged if things weren’t “just right”), but we’ve seen big improvements since starting OT. Basically everything has gotten somewhat better for him as we’ve worked hard on improving his sensory/emotional regulation skills., Yeah, this is pretty common with autistic kids. My son (7) is the same and he can even get stressed out by apps not being designed the way he thinks is perfect or by rules in a game being different than what he sees as right. It's something I'd recommend working on, as it can hinder learning. Like my kid didn't want to draw for a long time as his drawings didn't turn out perfect. We've emphasized our own mistakes. Like Dad (me) keeps forgetting stuff or is sometimes clumsy, so I'll go: "Oh, dad, forgot his phone (again, lol), but everybody makes mistakes" or "Dad spilled water, how silly. But if I stay calm I can fix the problem". I'll also emphasize how I need to practice stuff before I can do it. And of course heaps of praise when he's able to accept his own 'm stakes'. We've also spend a lot of time playing board games and learning to loose in them. Games are a bit more of a controlled setting and still teaches coping with mistakes or bad luck. It has taken forever to make him decently ok with loosing, but I believe it was a useful learning process. It seems to rub off, but it's still a big issue for him because his need for control is very big. He'll also get upset if other kids do something "wrong" so we are working on that too. For my kid his need of control is very connected to how stressed out he is, so we also try to limit the challenging stuff for when he is doing well. Lastly, as someone else noted, it can be related to anxiety which my kid also has a touch of (or a lot in stressful periods). If you feel there's underlying anxiety behind the behaviors I'd recommend getting some advice from a psychiatrist if possible, as anxiety can become a bigger and bigger problem if it's not handled. Good luck!, Thank you all so much! It was helpful to hear that we aren’t alone and some tips of what have helped your kiddos!, Also relates to the models of autism as difficulty with prediction/prediction error, which you can Google. When something is perfect , it is understood, safe, you are in control. When it deviates from the expected ideal the world is extra unpredictable., This is partially why our neurologist is referring us for more testing to see if my daughter has a comorbid anxiety disorder (apparently "it's not just how I pictured" can often be "panic. Something is wrong. Wrong means we're in danger!" to children with an anxiety disorder). We're still waiting for that appointment, but we do our best to approach things as if it's a fear/she needs comforted right now, and it's helped (as she's gotten older, Gabby's Dollhouse has also been a great addition. The creators wanted to make it about "the beauty of failure" and so a lot of the songs and shows are about not being able to do things yet and that being okay. It's really helped her as well), Yep. My kiddo has always had a low frustration tolerance (and would get outraged if things weren’t “just right”), but we’ve seen big improvements since starting OT. Basically everything has gotten somewhat better for him as we’ve worked hard on improving his sensory/emotional regulation skills., Yeah, this is pretty common with autistic kids. My son (7) is the same and he can even get stressed out by apps not being designed the way he thinks is perfect or by rules in a game being different than what he sees as right. It's something I'd recommend working on, as it can hinder learning. Like my kid didn't want to draw for a long time as his drawings didn't turn out perfect. We've emphasized our own mistakes. Like Dad (me) keeps forgetting stuff or is sometimes clumsy, so I'll go: "Oh, dad, forgot his phone (again, lol), but everybody makes mistakes" or "Dad spilled water, how silly. But if I stay calm I can fix the problem". I'll also emphasize how I need to practice stuff before I can do it. And of course heaps of praise when he's able to accept his own 'm stakes'. We've also spend a lot of time playing board games and learning to loose in them. Games are a bit more of a controlled setting and still teaches coping with mistakes or bad luck. It has taken forever to make him decently ok with loosing, but I believe it was a useful learning process. It seems to rub off, but it's still a big issue for him because his need for control is very big. He'll also get upset if other kids do something "wrong" so we are working on that too. For my kid his need of control is very connected to how stressed out he is, so we also try to limit the challenging stuff for when he is doing well. Lastly, as someone else noted, it can be related to anxiety which my kid also has a touch of (or a lot in stressful periods). If you feel there's underlying anxiety behind the behaviors I'd recommend getting some advice from a psychiatrist if possible, as anxiety can become a bigger and bigger problem if it's not handled. Good luck!, Thank you all so much! It was helpful to hear that we aren’t alone and some tips of what have helped your kiddos!, Also relates to the models of autism as difficulty with prediction/prediction error, which you can Google. When something is perfect , it is understood, safe, you are in control. When it deviates from the expected ideal the world is extra unpredictable., This is partially why our neurologist is referring us for more testing to see if my daughter has a comorbid anxiety disorder (apparently "it's not just how I pictured" can often be "panic. Something is wrong. Wrong means we're in danger!" to children with an anxiety disorder). We're still waiting for that appointment, but we do our best to approach things as if it's a fear/she needs comforted right now, and it's helped (as she's gotten older, Gabby's Dollhouse has also been a great addition. The creators wanted to make it about "the beauty of failure" and so a lot of the songs and shows are about not being able to do things yet and that being okay. It's really helped her as well), Yep. My kiddo has always had a low frustration tolerance (and would get outraged if things weren’t “just right”), but we’ve seen big improvements since starting OT. Basically everything has gotten somewhat better for him as we’ve worked hard on improving his sensory/emotional regulation skills., Yeah, this is pretty common with autistic kids. My son (7) is the same and he can even get stressed out by apps not being designed the way he thinks is perfect or by rules in a game being different than what he sees as right. It's something I'd recommend working on, as it can hinder learning. Like my kid didn't want to draw for a long time as his drawings didn't turn out perfect. We've emphasized our own mistakes. Like Dad (me) keeps forgetting stuff or is sometimes clumsy, so I'll go: "Oh, dad, forgot his phone (again, lol), but everybody makes mistakes" or "Dad spilled water, how silly. But if I stay calm I can fix the problem". I'll also emphasize how I need to practice stuff before I can do it. And of course heaps of praise when he's able to accept his own 'm stakes'. We've also spend a lot of time playing board games and learning to loose in them. Games are a bit more of a controlled setting and still teaches coping with mistakes or bad luck. It has taken forever to make him decently ok with loosing, but I believe it was a useful learning process. It seems to rub off, but it's still a big issue for him because his need for control is very big. He'll also get upset if other kids do something "wrong" so we are working on that too. For my kid his need of control is very connected to how stressed out he is, so we also try to limit the challenging stuff for when he is doing well. Lastly, as someone else noted, it can be related to anxiety which my kid also has a touch of (or a lot in stressful periods). If you feel there's underlying anxiety behind the behaviors I'd recommend getting some advice from a psychiatrist if possible, as anxiety can become a bigger and bigger problem if it's not handled. Good luck!, Thank you all so much! It was helpful to hear that we aren’t alone and some tips of what have helped your kiddos!, Also relates to the models of autism as difficulty with prediction/prediction error, which you can Google. When something is perfect , it is understood, safe, you are in control. When it deviates from the expected ideal the world is extra unpredictable., This is partially why our neurologist is referring us for more testing to see if my daughter has a comorbid anxiety disorder (apparently "it's not just how I pictured" can often be "panic. Something is wrong. Wrong means we're in danger!" to children with an anxiety disorder). We're still waiting for that appointment, but we do our best to approach things as if it's a fear/she needs comforted right now, and it's helped (as she's gotten older, Gabby's Dollhouse has also been a great addition. The creators wanted to make it about "the beauty of failure" and so a lot of the songs and shows are about not being able to do things yet and that being okay. It's really helped her as well), Yep. My kiddo has always had a low frustration tolerance (and would get outraged if things weren’t “just right”), but we’ve seen big improvements since starting OT. Basically everything has gotten somewhat better for him as we’ve worked hard on improving his sensory/emotional regulation skills., Yeah, this is pretty common with autistic kids. My son (7) is the same and he can even get stressed out by apps not being designed the way he thinks is perfect or by rules in a game being different than what he sees as right. It's something I'd recommend working on, as it can hinder learning. Like my kid didn't want to draw for a long time as his drawings didn't turn out perfect. We've emphasized our own mistakes. Like Dad (me) keeps forgetting stuff or is sometimes clumsy, so I'll go: "Oh, dad, forgot his phone (again, lol), but everybody makes mistakes" or "Dad spilled water, how silly. But if I stay calm I can fix the problem". I'll also emphasize how I need to practice stuff before I can do it. And of course heaps of praise when he's able to accept his own 'm stakes'. We've also spend a lot of time playing board games and learning to loose in them. Games are a bit more of a controlled setting and still teaches coping with mistakes or bad luck. It has taken forever to make him decently ok with loosing, but I believe it was a useful learning process. It seems to rub off, but it's still a big issue for him because his need for control is very big. He'll also get upset if other kids do something "wrong" so we are working on that too. For my kid his need of control is very connected to how stressed out he is, so we also try to limit the challenging stuff for when he is doing well. Lastly, as someone else noted, it can be related to anxiety which my kid also has a touch of (or a lot in stressful periods). If you feel there's underlying anxiety behind the behaviors I'd recommend getting some advice from a psychiatrist if possible, as anxiety can become a bigger and bigger problem if it's not handled. Good luck!, Thank you all so much! It was helpful to hear that we aren’t alone and some tips of what have helped your kiddos!
Pica	My daughter is almost 6 autistic, verbal she asks for needs, non conversational, cooperative most times but throws tantrums most of the times. One of the challenges I face is pica. She eats hair, pieces of cement from walls of unfinished surfaces, dirt, small pieces of plastic. I've given iron supplements and that doesn't stop her either. Negative reinforcements seem useless as she finds sneaky ways to eat hair without me looking. It's so compulsivr for her she just can't help it. Any help on how to deal with it or how did u handle this pls?	I hope you find advice.. my son eats everything and no dr or professional we deal with is hearing me. It’s terrifying and dangerous… ugh. My son eats the wall, wood, clothing, books, you name it really.. good luck, I hope you find advice.. my son eats everything and no dr or professional we deal with is hearing me. It’s terrifying and dangerous… ugh. My son eats the wall, wood, clothing, books, you name it really.. good luck, I hope you find advice.. my son eats everything and no dr or professional we deal with is hearing me. It’s terrifying and dangerous… ugh. My son eats the wall, wood, clothing, books, you name it really.. good luck, I hope you find advice.. my son eats everything and no dr or professional we deal with is hearing me. It’s terrifying and dangerous… ugh. My son eats the wall, wood, clothing, books, you name it really.. good luck
Plane Ride…	Hi everyone! My son is almost 4 and diagnosed level 3, nonverbal. We will be taking a family trip in about 2 weeks and I’m very nervous about the plane ride. I do have a tablet he can use but I know he’ll grow bored of it after an hour. Does anyone have any tips or advice on traveling with their neurodivergent kids? Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you	My neighbor once told me many airlines are very accommodating if you let them know your son is neurodivergent. They do early boarding and assign a staff member to accompany you, who works to make the trip through the airport as smooth as possible. She’s a retired cabin crew member., Register for TSA Cares (https://www.tsa.gov/travel/tsa-cares). It'll at least you on through security and to your gate without trauma. And airlines are usually very accommodating when they can be. Check your airport and airline website for what you need to do to get them onboard, I arrived early and had him run through the terminals to get energy out. We had more snacks than humanly possible! My little loved reusable stickers on the windows, sticky spinners on the windows, and reusable drawing pad. I wrapped each one and had him open them every 30 mins. Lastly, I had the iPad cued up with number blocks., I fly on planes with my ASD kiddo and he generally does really well. However, he could play on his IPad all day if we let him and the flights have been three hours tops. Nothing longer. My other kiddo (who is being evaluated currently for ASD) is not as into screens and we pack a busy bag for him, as his carry on. Not all neurodivergent kids are awful at flying and sometimes it’s the choice that makes the most sense…especially if you don’t want to drive hours and hours in a car. That’s also hard and longer lol., Lots of tiny, different packets of snacks and new toys. My son did well with a tablet for a while and he spent a lot more time that I'd have thought flipping through photos in my phone. Headphones. Changes of clothing. Books. Anything that will occupy him for 5-10 minutes at a time. Plan for at least 5 things per hour of travel. That way you can rotate through novel entertainment but you're not stuck with just 2 things for 4 hours, or whatever., Make sure he’s rested and don’t sugar him up., I traveled with my 2 year old with mild autism on a 18 hour connecting flight. I took some toys that he liked but he got bored of it in 2-3 hours. Rest of the flight was basically us trying to get him to play with those toys or trying to put him to sleep. Try to get an overnight flight so he falls asleep. Keep some melatonin with you or if the doctor has prescribed any sleep aid. It was a terrible flight and we decided never to travel again with him until his behavior improves. The worst part was actually dealing with people. We got so many stares. Most people understood, although most of them were annoyed. Then there was this 1 girl who literally came up to us and said "can you please shut him up". My Patience was already running thin dealing with my child for 15 hours at that time. So I let her have it. If it's a short flight, you'll probably be ok. If it's a longer flight, I wish you luck. Not trying to scare you but just be prepared for the worst and take precautions., Totally understand being nervous!! Here are some things I thought of that may help: \- Prepare your son in advance as much as possible. Read some social stories together as a family, have a visual schedule of the trip, watch videos of other people boarding/riding plans to help everybody understand what to expect. \- What are his comfort items? Favorite comfy clothes? Music/videos you can download? Having as many of those available during the flight might help him feel more secure. \- Does he wear noise-cancelling headphones? If he will have a hard time with the new sounds of the cabin, these could be good. \- I've seen some parents pack like a 'busy bag' with self-regulating items like fave toys, fidgets, chewelry, etc. that you could swap out to keep him interested. \- Snacks and drinks will be your best friend and that's ok! Definitely would recommend chewies/snacks at takeoff/landing to help with ear popping and discomfort with pressure. \- Window seat to look out of? Aisle seat for easier access to bathroom? \- Do your best to stay calm and positive, they pick up on our emotions for sure lol! \- Despite your best efforts, meltdowns can still occur. Have a plan in place for managing meltdowns. Hope these help! Safe travels and have an awesome trip!, I don’t know if I got lucky but my son is 4.5 now, also level 3 and nonverbal he does amazing on plane rides! I was in your shoes a while back but it surprised me he actually enjoyed it. Our mot recent trip in October was great my son fell asleep before taking off and slept the whole ride. I will say it is helpful if you get him tired and get enough movement in before your flight this way they’re not antsy during the flight. We buy a ticket for myself and use his car seat on the plane, also helps!, Safe snacks, sensory toys galore and extras/backups of their favorite ones, noise canceling headphones (even if they don’t usually like it, we always pack a hooded sweatshirt because my daughter like to “cocoon” in it., Do fill in that he has disability so that you can board before everyone else, Stroller check in is really nice for plopping them in during layovers or while you wait for baggage claim. We also bought a plastic container containing a variety of snacks he can try out, the tablet. I also saw a hack where you tie or use their jacket on the tray as a hammock for their feet, My advice on plane travel with young kids is don’t. Just don’t. Pay for loved ones to travel to you or travel by car with frequent stops. I have a son with ASD and suspected ADHD. We’ve done plane trips with him at ages 18 months and three. Each flight was no longer than two hours but flight delays made it a full days travel. Every single flight was awful or had some toddler related disaster., They are not accommodating at all. Sorry to say about your neighbor is absolutely wrong. Or maybe one of the rare nice ones. Cabin crew won't even let us use a pillow we brought between the leg space so our kid can sleep properly without getting disturbed. They gave no fucks. Excuse my language, Thank you so much for the link!, Reusable stickers! That’s a great idea! Adding that to my Amazon list of toys I’m buying specifically for the plane ride, Great idea encouraging your little one to run around the terminal/climb stairs etc. I will try that next time I travel., Thank you!, A busy bag sounds like a great idea! As well as the prepping. I think we’ll definitely do that., It honestly was terrible. I don’t want to scare OT but ya my 3 year old…nightmare. Virginia to Utah 🥲 He was just SO mad he couldn’t unbuckle his seatbelt and run around. Of course the buckle is so easy to undo so it was a lot of holding him down and making sure he wasn’t standing on his seat or going in the aisle. That triggered meltdowns. I did all the things, iPad, snacks, new toys, etc. If I were to do it again I’d look into seeing if they have more toddler tamper proof attachments or something. But that could be against safety protocols., I see I’m getting downvoted- thanks guys! s/ Next time I comment in this sub I will be sure to lie. “Pack a sensory toy and a little melatonin and then you won’t be troubled by your toddler ignoring the books, toys and snacks you packed and instead climbing all over the seats around you and running up and down the aisle. “ “Pack some snacks from home and then your child won’t be tempted to guzzle orange juice from the drinks service resulting in a poo explosion so bad you will have to immediately throw out their clothes and miss your connecting flight while you search for a new outfit.”, I’ve heard both positive and negative experiences regarding how helpful or accommodating they can be. I guess I will just have to wait and see. But I’m surprised they wouldn’t allow you to use a pillow. Are pillows not allowed on plane rides? My son has a comfort blanket I was hoping to bring on with him., Your comment made me laugh! Thank you for your truth! We all need it sometimes. I am already mentally and emotionally preparing myself. We’re going to my husband’s best friend’s destination wedding and they are paying for us to fly out there and as nerve wracking as it is I really want to at least try., They are but not allowed to put in between leg area. We wanted to do that to make our little one more comfortable. They wouldn't allow that., My neighbor once told me many airlines are very accommodating if you let them know your son is neurodivergent. They do early boarding and assign a staff member to accompany you, who works to make the trip through the airport as smooth as possible. She’s a retired cabin crew member., Register for TSA Cares (https://www.tsa.gov/travel/tsa-cares). It'll at least you on through security and to your gate without trauma. And airlines are usually very accommodating when they can be. Check your airport and airline website for what you need to do to get them onboard, I arrived early and had him run through the terminals to get energy out. We had more snacks than humanly possible! My little loved reusable stickers on the windows, sticky spinners on the windows, and reusable drawing pad. I wrapped each one and had him open them every 30 mins. Lastly, I had the iPad cued up with number blocks., I fly on planes with my ASD kiddo and he generally does really well. However, he could play on his IPad all day if we let him and the flights have been three hours tops. Nothing longer. My other kiddo (who is being evaluated currently for ASD) is not as into screens and we pack a busy bag for him, as his carry on. Not all neurodivergent kids are awful at flying and sometimes it’s the choice that makes the most sense…especially if you don’t want to drive hours and hours in a car. That’s also hard and longer lol., Lots of tiny, different packets of snacks and new toys. My son did well with a tablet for a while and he spent a lot more time that I'd have thought flipping through photos in my phone. Headphones. Changes of clothing. Books. Anything that will occupy him for 5-10 minutes at a time. Plan for at least 5 things per hour of travel. That way you can rotate through novel entertainment but you're not stuck with just 2 things for 4 hours, or whatever., Make sure he’s rested and don’t sugar him up., I traveled with my 2 year old with mild autism on a 18 hour connecting flight. I took some toys that he liked but he got bored of it in 2-3 hours. Rest of the flight was basically us trying to get him to play with those toys or trying to put him to sleep. Try to get an overnight flight so he falls asleep. Keep some melatonin with you or if the doctor has prescribed any sleep aid. It was a terrible flight and we decided never to travel again with him until his behavior improves. The worst part was actually dealing with people. We got so many stares. Most people understood, although most of them were annoyed. Then there was this 1 girl who literally came up to us and said "can you please shut him up". My Patience was already running thin dealing with my child for 15 hours at that time. So I let her have it. If it's a short flight, you'll probably be ok. If it's a longer flight, I wish you luck. Not trying to scare you but just be prepared for the worst and take precautions., Totally understand being nervous!! Here are some things I thought of that may help: \- Prepare your son in advance as much as possible. Read some social stories together as a family, have a visual schedule of the trip, watch videos of other people boarding/riding plans to help everybody understand what to expect. \- What are his comfort items? Favorite comfy clothes? Music/videos you can download? Having as many of those available during the flight might help him feel more secure. \- Does he wear noise-cancelling headphones? If he will have a hard time with the new sounds of the cabin, these could be good. \- I've seen some parents pack like a 'busy bag' with self-regulating items like fave toys, fidgets, chewelry, etc. that you could swap out to keep him interested. \- Snacks and drinks will be your best friend and that's ok! Definitely would recommend chewies/snacks at takeoff/landing to help with ear popping and discomfort with pressure. \- Window seat to look out of? Aisle seat for easier access to bathroom? \- Do your best to stay calm and positive, they pick up on our emotions for sure lol! \- Despite your best efforts, meltdowns can still occur. Have a plan in place for managing meltdowns. Hope these help! Safe travels and have an awesome trip!, I don’t know if I got lucky but my son is 4.5 now, also level 3 and nonverbal he does amazing on plane rides! I was in your shoes a while back but it surprised me he actually enjoyed it. Our mot recent trip in October was great my son fell asleep before taking off and slept the whole ride. I will say it is helpful if you get him tired and get enough movement in before your flight this way they’re not antsy during the flight. We buy a ticket for myself and use his car seat on the plane, also helps!, Safe snacks, sensory toys galore and extras/backups of their favorite ones, noise canceling headphones (even if they don’t usually like it, we always pack a hooded sweatshirt because my daughter like to “cocoon” in it., Do fill in that he has disability so that you can board before everyone else, Stroller check in is really nice for plopping them in during layovers or while you wait for baggage claim. We also bought a plastic container containing a variety of snacks he can try out, the tablet. I also saw a hack where you tie or use their jacket on the tray as a hammock for their feet, My advice on plane travel with young kids is don’t. Just don’t. Pay for loved ones to travel to you or travel by car with frequent stops. I have a son with ASD and suspected ADHD. We’ve done plane trips with him at ages 18 months and three. Each flight was no longer than two hours but flight delays made it a full days travel. Every single flight was awful or had some toddler related disaster., They are not accommodating at all. Sorry to say about your neighbor is absolutely wrong. Or maybe one of the rare nice ones. Cabin crew won't even let us use a pillow we brought between the leg space so our kid can sleep properly without getting disturbed. They gave no fucks. Excuse my language, Thank you so much for the link!, Reusable stickers! That’s a great idea! Adding that to my Amazon list of toys I’m buying specifically for the plane ride, Great idea encouraging your little one to run around the terminal/climb stairs etc. I will try that next time I travel., Thank you!, A busy bag sounds like a great idea! As well as the prepping. I think we’ll definitely do that., It honestly was terrible. I don’t want to scare OT but ya my 3 year old…nightmare. Virginia to Utah 🥲 He was just SO mad he couldn’t unbuckle his seatbelt and run around. Of course the buckle is so easy to undo so it was a lot of holding him down and making sure he wasn’t standing on his seat or going in the aisle. That triggered meltdowns. I did all the things, iPad, snacks, new toys, etc. If I were to do it again I’d look into seeing if they have more toddler tamper proof attachments or something. But that could be against safety protocols., I see I’m getting downvoted- thanks guys! s/ Next time I comment in this sub I will be sure to lie. “Pack a sensory toy and a little melatonin and then you won’t be troubled by your toddler ignoring the books, toys and snacks you packed and instead climbing all over the seats around you and running up and down the aisle. “ “Pack some snacks from home and then your child won’t be tempted to guzzle orange juice from the drinks service resulting in a poo explosion so bad you will have to immediately throw out their clothes and miss your connecting flight while you search for a new outfit.”, I’ve heard both positive and negative experiences regarding how helpful or accommodating they can be. I guess I will just have to wait and see. But I’m surprised they wouldn’t allow you to use a pillow. Are pillows not allowed on plane rides? My son has a comfort blanket I was hoping to bring on with him., Your comment made me laugh! Thank you for your truth! We all need it sometimes. I am already mentally and emotionally preparing myself. We’re going to my husband’s best friend’s destination wedding and they are paying for us to fly out there and as nerve wracking as it is I really want to at least try., They are but not allowed to put in between leg area. We wanted to do that to make our little one more comfortable. They wouldn't allow that., My neighbor once told me many airlines are very accommodating if you let them know your son is neurodivergent. They do early boarding and assign a staff member to accompany you, who works to make the trip through the airport as smooth as possible. She’s a retired cabin crew member., Register for TSA Cares (https://www.tsa.gov/travel/tsa-cares). It'll at least you on through security and to your gate without trauma. And airlines are usually very accommodating when they can be. Check your airport and airline website for what you need to do to get them onboard, I arrived early and had him run through the terminals to get energy out. We had more snacks than humanly possible! My little loved reusable stickers on the windows, sticky spinners on the windows, and reusable drawing pad. I wrapped each one and had him open them every 30 mins. Lastly, I had the iPad cued up with number blocks., I fly on planes with my ASD kiddo and he generally does really well. However, he could play on his IPad all day if we let him and the flights have been three hours tops. Nothing longer. My other kiddo (who is being evaluated currently for ASD) is not as into screens and we pack a busy bag for him, as his carry on. Not all neurodivergent kids are awful at flying and sometimes it’s the choice that makes the most sense…especially if you don’t want to drive hours and hours in a car. That’s also hard and longer lol., Lots of tiny, different packets of snacks and new toys. My son did well with a tablet for a while and he spent a lot more time that I'd have thought flipping through photos in my phone. Headphones. Changes of clothing. Books. Anything that will occupy him for 5-10 minutes at a time. Plan for at least 5 things per hour of travel. That way you can rotate through novel entertainment but you're not stuck with just 2 things for 4 hours, or whatever., Make sure he’s rested and don’t sugar him up., I traveled with my 2 year old with mild autism on a 18 hour connecting flight. I took some toys that he liked but he got bored of it in 2-3 hours. Rest of the flight was basically us trying to get him to play with those toys or trying to put him to sleep. Try to get an overnight flight so he falls asleep. Keep some melatonin with you or if the doctor has prescribed any sleep aid. It was a terrible flight and we decided never to travel again with him until his behavior improves. The worst part was actually dealing with people. We got so many stares. Most people understood, although most of them were annoyed. Then there was this 1 girl who literally came up to us and said "can you please shut him up". My Patience was already running thin dealing with my child for 15 hours at that time. So I let her have it. If it's a short flight, you'll probably be ok. If it's a longer flight, I wish you luck. Not trying to scare you but just be prepared for the worst and take precautions., Totally understand being nervous!! Here are some things I thought of that may help: \- Prepare your son in advance as much as possible. Read some social stories together as a family, have a visual schedule of the trip, watch videos of other people boarding/riding plans to help everybody understand what to expect. \- What are his comfort items? Favorite comfy clothes? Music/videos you can download? Having as many of those available during the flight might help him feel more secure. \- Does he wear noise-cancelling headphones? If he will have a hard time with the new sounds of the cabin, these could be good. \- I've seen some parents pack like a 'busy bag' with self-regulating items like fave toys, fidgets, chewelry, etc. that you could swap out to keep him interested. \- Snacks and drinks will be your best friend and that's ok! Definitely would recommend chewies/snacks at takeoff/landing to help with ear popping and discomfort with pressure. \- Window seat to look out of? Aisle seat for easier access to bathroom? \- Do your best to stay calm and positive, they pick up on our emotions for sure lol! \- Despite your best efforts, meltdowns can still occur. Have a plan in place for managing meltdowns. Hope these help! Safe travels and have an awesome trip!, I don’t know if I got lucky but my son is 4.5 now, also level 3 and nonverbal he does amazing on plane rides! I was in your shoes a while back but it surprised me he actually enjoyed it. Our mot recent trip in October was great my son fell asleep before taking off and slept the whole ride. I will say it is helpful if you get him tired and get enough movement in before your flight this way they’re not antsy during the flight. We buy a ticket for myself and use his car seat on the plane, also helps!, Safe snacks, sensory toys galore and extras/backups of their favorite ones, noise canceling headphones (even if they don’t usually like it, we always pack a hooded sweatshirt because my daughter like to “cocoon” in it., Do fill in that he has disability so that you can board before everyone else, Stroller check in is really nice for plopping them in during layovers or while you wait for baggage claim. We also bought a plastic container containing a variety of snacks he can try out, the tablet. I also saw a hack where you tie or use their jacket on the tray as a hammock for their feet, My advice on plane travel with young kids is don’t. Just don’t. Pay for loved ones to travel to you or travel by car with frequent stops. I have a son with ASD and suspected ADHD. We’ve done plane trips with him at ages 18 months and three. Each flight was no longer than two hours but flight delays made it a full days travel. Every single flight was awful or had some toddler related disaster., They are not accommodating at all. Sorry to say about your neighbor is absolutely wrong. Or maybe one of the rare nice ones. Cabin crew won't even let us use a pillow we brought between the leg space so our kid can sleep properly without getting disturbed. They gave no fucks. Excuse my language, Thank you so much for the link!, Reusable stickers! That’s a great idea! Adding that to my Amazon list of toys I’m buying specifically for the plane ride, Great idea encouraging your little one to run around the terminal/climb stairs etc. I will try that next time I travel., Thank you!, A busy bag sounds like a great idea! As well as the prepping. I think we’ll definitely do that., It honestly was terrible. I don’t want to scare OT but ya my 3 year old…nightmare. Virginia to Utah 🥲 He was just SO mad he couldn’t unbuckle his seatbelt and run around. Of course the buckle is so easy to undo so it was a lot of holding him down and making sure he wasn’t standing on his seat or going in the aisle. That triggered meltdowns. I did all the things, iPad, snacks, new toys, etc. If I were to do it again I’d look into seeing if they have more toddler tamper proof attachments or something. But that could be against safety protocols., I see I’m getting downvoted- thanks guys! s/ Next time I comment in this sub I will be sure to lie. “Pack a sensory toy and a little melatonin and then you won’t be troubled by your toddler ignoring the books, toys and snacks you packed and instead climbing all over the seats around you and running up and down the aisle. “ “Pack some snacks from home and then your child won’t be tempted to guzzle orange juice from the drinks service resulting in a poo explosion so bad you will have to immediately throw out their clothes and miss your connecting flight while you search for a new outfit.”, I’ve heard both positive and negative experiences regarding how helpful or accommodating they can be. I guess I will just have to wait and see. But I’m surprised they wouldn’t allow you to use a pillow. Are pillows not allowed on plane rides? My son has a comfort blanket I was hoping to bring on with him., Your comment made me laugh! Thank you for your truth! We all need it sometimes. I am already mentally and emotionally preparing myself. We’re going to my husband’s best friend’s destination wedding and they are paying for us to fly out there and as nerve wracking as it is I really want to at least try., They are but not allowed to put in between leg area. We wanted to do that to make our little one more comfortable. They wouldn't allow that., My neighbor once told me many airlines are very accommodating if you let them know your son is neurodivergent. They do early boarding and assign a staff member to accompany you, who works to make the trip through the airport as smooth as possible. She’s a retired cabin crew member., Register for TSA Cares (https://www.tsa.gov/travel/tsa-cares). It'll at least you on through security and to your gate without trauma. And airlines are usually very accommodating when they can be. Check your airport and airline website for what you need to do to get them onboard, I arrived early and had him run through the terminals to get energy out. We had more snacks than humanly possible! My little loved reusable stickers on the windows, sticky spinners on the windows, and reusable drawing pad. I wrapped each one and had him open them every 30 mins. Lastly, I had the iPad cued up with number blocks., I fly on planes with my ASD kiddo and he generally does really well. However, he could play on his IPad all day if we let him and the flights have been three hours tops. Nothing longer. My other kiddo (who is being evaluated currently for ASD) is not as into screens and we pack a busy bag for him, as his carry on. Not all neurodivergent kids are awful at flying and sometimes it’s the choice that makes the most sense…especially if you don’t want to drive hours and hours in a car. That’s also hard and longer lol., Lots of tiny, different packets of snacks and new toys. My son did well with a tablet for a while and he spent a lot more time that I'd have thought flipping through photos in my phone. Headphones. Changes of clothing. Books. Anything that will occupy him for 5-10 minutes at a time. Plan for at least 5 things per hour of travel. That way you can rotate through novel entertainment but you're not stuck with just 2 things for 4 hours, or whatever., Make sure he’s rested and don’t sugar him up., I traveled with my 2 year old with mild autism on a 18 hour connecting flight. I took some toys that he liked but he got bored of it in 2-3 hours. Rest of the flight was basically us trying to get him to play with those toys or trying to put him to sleep. Try to get an overnight flight so he falls asleep. Keep some melatonin with you or if the doctor has prescribed any sleep aid. It was a terrible flight and we decided never to travel again with him until his behavior improves. The worst part was actually dealing with people. We got so many stares. Most people understood, although most of them were annoyed. Then there was this 1 girl who literally came up to us and said "can you please shut him up". My Patience was already running thin dealing with my child for 15 hours at that time. So I let her have it. If it's a short flight, you'll probably be ok. If it's a longer flight, I wish you luck. Not trying to scare you but just be prepared for the worst and take precautions., Totally understand being nervous!! Here are some things I thought of that may help: \- Prepare your son in advance as much as possible. Read some social stories together as a family, have a visual schedule of the trip, watch videos of other people boarding/riding plans to help everybody understand what to expect. \- What are his comfort items? Favorite comfy clothes? Music/videos you can download? Having as many of those available during the flight might help him feel more secure. \- Does he wear noise-cancelling headphones? If he will have a hard time with the new sounds of the cabin, these could be good. \- I've seen some parents pack like a 'busy bag' with self-regulating items like fave toys, fidgets, chewelry, etc. that you could swap out to keep him interested. \- Snacks and drinks will be your best friend and that's ok! Definitely would recommend chewies/snacks at takeoff/landing to help with ear popping and discomfort with pressure. \- Window seat to look out of? Aisle seat for easier access to bathroom? \- Do your best to stay calm and positive, they pick up on our emotions for sure lol! \- Despite your best efforts, meltdowns can still occur. Have a plan in place for managing meltdowns. Hope these help! Safe travels and have an awesome trip!, I don’t know if I got lucky but my son is 4.5 now, also level 3 and nonverbal he does amazing on plane rides! I was in your shoes a while back but it surprised me he actually enjoyed it. Our mot recent trip in October was great my son fell asleep before taking off and slept the whole ride. I will say it is helpful if you get him tired and get enough movement in before your flight this way they’re not antsy during the flight. We buy a ticket for myself and use his car seat on the plane, also helps!, Safe snacks, sensory toys galore and extras/backups of their favorite ones, noise canceling headphones (even if they don’t usually like it, we always pack a hooded sweatshirt because my daughter like to “cocoon” in it., Do fill in that he has disability so that you can board before everyone else, Stroller check in is really nice for plopping them in during layovers or while you wait for baggage claim. We also bought a plastic container containing a variety of snacks he can try out, the tablet. I also saw a hack where you tie or use their jacket on the tray as a hammock for their feet, My advice on plane travel with young kids is don’t. Just don’t. Pay for loved ones to travel to you or travel by car with frequent stops. I have a son with ASD and suspected ADHD. We’ve done plane trips with him at ages 18 months and three. Each flight was no longer than two hours but flight delays made it a full days travel. Every single flight was awful or had some toddler related disaster., They are not accommodating at all. Sorry to say about your neighbor is absolutely wrong. Or maybe one of the rare nice ones. Cabin crew won't even let us use a pillow we brought between the leg space so our kid can sleep properly without getting disturbed. They gave no fucks. Excuse my language, Thank you so much for the link!, Reusable stickers! That’s a great idea! Adding that to my Amazon list of toys I’m buying specifically for the plane ride, Great idea encouraging your little one to run around the terminal/climb stairs etc. I will try that next time I travel., Thank you!, A busy bag sounds like a great idea! As well as the prepping. I think we’ll definitely do that., It honestly was terrible. I don’t want to scare OT but ya my 3 year old…nightmare. Virginia to Utah 🥲 He was just SO mad he couldn’t unbuckle his seatbelt and run around. Of course the buckle is so easy to undo so it was a lot of holding him down and making sure he wasn’t standing on his seat or going in the aisle. That triggered meltdowns. I did all the things, iPad, snacks, new toys, etc. If I were to do it again I’d look into seeing if they have more toddler tamper proof attachments or something. But that could be against safety protocols., I see I’m getting downvoted- thanks guys! s/ Next time I comment in this sub I will be sure to lie. “Pack a sensory toy and a little melatonin and then you won’t be troubled by your toddler ignoring the books, toys and snacks you packed and instead climbing all over the seats around you and running up and down the aisle. “ “Pack some snacks from home and then your child won’t be tempted to guzzle orange juice from the drinks service resulting in a poo explosion so bad you will have to immediately throw out their clothes and miss your connecting flight while you search for a new outfit.”, I’ve heard both positive and negative experiences regarding how helpful or accommodating they can be. I guess I will just have to wait and see. But I’m surprised they wouldn’t allow you to use a pillow. Are pillows not allowed on plane rides? My son has a comfort blanket I was hoping to bring on with him., Your comment made me laugh! Thank you for your truth! We all need it sometimes. I am already mentally and emotionally preparing myself. We’re going to my husband’s best friend’s destination wedding and they are paying for us to fly out there and as nerve wracking as it is I really want to at least try., They are but not allowed to put in between leg area. We wanted to do that to make our little one more comfortable. They wouldn't allow that.
Planning to move to the UK, not sure where to start	My husband and I are planning to move to the UK. He got a great job offer and I intend to get licensed to practice medicine once we're settled. Our 5 y.o son is on the spectrum and semi verbal. Our country doesn't offer alot of services for kids like him so we have been doing diy for most of his therapies. Now that we are planning to move we want to take full advantage of all the opportunities available for him. But we are concerned about cost of therapies and his ability to access them given our immigrant status. Any parents in the UK: how accessible is therapies and services for children with ASD? Are there many schools accepting of ASD kids? And how expensive is it?	Society is very accepting of autism here. There is a lot of awareness. However, I found understanding of special needs in mainstream schools is not deep at all. In many cases support for children that are "high functioning" is non existent. We tried to get our son diagnosed twice through the nhs: when he was 2 and then when he was 4. We were fobbed off, the paediatrician literally said that since he does not cause any problem to the system (i.e. he is not disruptive and works within expected range) they don't have resources to diagnose him. That is the overall attitude of the NHS. You will have to fight to get ehcp for your child, which would allow you to have funding for 1:1 support in mainstream school or special school placement. I have friends who had to fight for support in cases that are medically obvious like down syndrome. Diagnosis waiting lists are 2+ years. And then therapies that you might get on the NHS (if you're lucky) are shallow and very minimal (like once a month, mostly just Recommendations for parents rather than actual therapy delivered by SLT or OT)., Uk parent with ASD children here. Where will your husbands job be located? That's the starting point. I am in Scotland, so there are slight differences to what you would get in England. For your childs autism they will receive support from CAMHS which is part of the NHS, so its free anywhere in the UK, but i do know that wait times in England are much longer than in Scotland. You could also receive support from social services via a care needs assessment. The UK has services such as the national autism society, Scotland also has other agencies such as Scottish Autism and the one-stop shop that provides advice and support for parents as well as the children. They often run workshops or activity days, which are really good. Again, this is all free to everyone. We also have ASIST, which supports children in education that have ASD. Some schools (dependent on the location) have ASD classes within the mainstream school, others are mainstream but have a 1-1 pupil support worker, there is also the option of specialist schooling that is staffed with nurses, physios and OTs aswell as teachers. There is a website called ofsted they have the rankings of all schools, so you can check the schools in the area where you plan to live. I would say to avoid Birmingham as they are in a financial crisis that is causing major cutbacks to their social care services. Your son would also be eligible for additional benefits such as child disability payment, which is paid throughout their lives to aid them in buying the additional items or services they need to make life easier for them. This is not tied to your income but based solely on the childs needs. Feel free to ask any further questions., Society is very accepting of autism here. There is a lot of awareness. However, I found understanding of special needs in mainstream schools is not deep at all. In many cases support for children that are "high functioning" is non existent. We tried to get our son diagnosed twice through the nhs: when he was 2 and then when he was 4. We were fobbed off, the paediatrician literally said that since he does not cause any problem to the system (i.e. he is not disruptive and works within expected range) they don't have resources to diagnose him. That is the overall attitude of the NHS. You will have to fight to get ehcp for your child, which would allow you to have funding for 1:1 support in mainstream school or special school placement. I have friends who had to fight for support in cases that are medically obvious like down syndrome. Diagnosis waiting lists are 2+ years. And then therapies that you might get on the NHS (if you're lucky) are shallow and very minimal (like once a month, mostly just Recommendations for parents rather than actual therapy delivered by SLT or OT)., Uk parent with ASD children here. Where will your husbands job be located? That's the starting point. I am in Scotland, so there are slight differences to what you would get in England. For your childs autism they will receive support from CAMHS which is part of the NHS, so its free anywhere in the UK, but i do know that wait times in England are much longer than in Scotland. You could also receive support from social services via a care needs assessment. The UK has services such as the national autism society, Scotland also has other agencies such as Scottish Autism and the one-stop shop that provides advice and support for parents as well as the children. They often run workshops or activity days, which are really good. Again, this is all free to everyone. We also have ASIST, which supports children in education that have ASD. Some schools (dependent on the location) have ASD classes within the mainstream school, others are mainstream but have a 1-1 pupil support worker, there is also the option of specialist schooling that is staffed with nurses, physios and OTs aswell as teachers. There is a website called ofsted they have the rankings of all schools, so you can check the schools in the area where you plan to live. I would say to avoid Birmingham as they are in a financial crisis that is causing major cutbacks to their social care services. Your son would also be eligible for additional benefits such as child disability payment, which is paid throughout their lives to aid them in buying the additional items or services they need to make life easier for them. This is not tied to your income but based solely on the childs needs. Feel free to ask any further questions., Society is very accepting of autism here. There is a lot of awareness. However, I found understanding of special needs in mainstream schools is not deep at all. In many cases support for children that are "high functioning" is non existent. We tried to get our son diagnosed twice through the nhs: when he was 2 and then when he was 4. We were fobbed off, the paediatrician literally said that since he does not cause any problem to the system (i.e. he is not disruptive and works within expected range) they don't have resources to diagnose him. That is the overall attitude of the NHS. You will have to fight to get ehcp for your child, which would allow you to have funding for 1:1 support in mainstream school or special school placement. I have friends who had to fight for support in cases that are medically obvious like down syndrome. Diagnosis waiting lists are 2+ years. And then therapies that you might get on the NHS (if you're lucky) are shallow and very minimal (like once a month, mostly just Recommendations for parents rather than actual therapy delivered by SLT or OT)., Uk parent with ASD children here. Where will your husbands job be located? That's the starting point. I am in Scotland, so there are slight differences to what you would get in England. For your childs autism they will receive support from CAMHS which is part of the NHS, so its free anywhere in the UK, but i do know that wait times in England are much longer than in Scotland. You could also receive support from social services via a care needs assessment. The UK has services such as the national autism society, Scotland also has other agencies such as Scottish Autism and the one-stop shop that provides advice and support for parents as well as the children. They often run workshops or activity days, which are really good. Again, this is all free to everyone. We also have ASIST, which supports children in education that have ASD. Some schools (dependent on the location) have ASD classes within the mainstream school, others are mainstream but have a 1-1 pupil support worker, there is also the option of specialist schooling that is staffed with nurses, physios and OTs aswell as teachers. There is a website called ofsted they have the rankings of all schools, so you can check the schools in the area where you plan to live. I would say to avoid Birmingham as they are in a financial crisis that is causing major cutbacks to their social care services. Your son would also be eligible for additional benefits such as child disability payment, which is paid throughout their lives to aid them in buying the additional items or services they need to make life easier for them. This is not tied to your income but based solely on the childs needs. Feel free to ask any further questions., Society is very accepting of autism here. There is a lot of awareness. However, I found understanding of special needs in mainstream schools is not deep at all. In many cases support for children that are "high functioning" is non existent. We tried to get our son diagnosed twice through the nhs: when he was 2 and then when he was 4. We were fobbed off, the paediatrician literally said that since he does not cause any problem to the system (i.e. he is not disruptive and works within expected range) they don't have resources to diagnose him. That is the overall attitude of the NHS. You will have to fight to get ehcp for your child, which would allow you to have funding for 1:1 support in mainstream school or special school placement. I have friends who had to fight for support in cases that are medically obvious like down syndrome. Diagnosis waiting lists are 2+ years. And then therapies that you might get on the NHS (if you're lucky) are shallow and very minimal (like once a month, mostly just Recommendations for parents rather than actual therapy delivered by SLT or OT)., Uk parent with ASD children here. Where will your husbands job be located? That's the starting point. I am in Scotland, so there are slight differences to what you would get in England. For your childs autism they will receive support from CAMHS which is part of the NHS, so its free anywhere in the UK, but i do know that wait times in England are much longer than in Scotland. You could also receive support from social services via a care needs assessment. The UK has services such as the national autism society, Scotland also has other agencies such as Scottish Autism and the one-stop shop that provides advice and support for parents as well as the children. They often run workshops or activity days, which are really good. Again, this is all free to everyone. We also have ASIST, which supports children in education that have ASD. Some schools (dependent on the location) have ASD classes within the mainstream school, others are mainstream but have a 1-1 pupil support worker, there is also the option of specialist schooling that is staffed with nurses, physios and OTs aswell as teachers. There is a website called ofsted they have the rankings of all schools, so you can check the schools in the area where you plan to live. I would say to avoid Birmingham as they are in a financial crisis that is causing major cutbacks to their social care services. Your son would also be eligible for additional benefits such as child disability payment, which is paid throughout their lives to aid them in buying the additional items or services they need to make life easier for them. This is not tied to your income but based solely on the childs needs. Feel free to ask any further questions.
Playing with shoes	My 4 year old nephew loves playing with sandals, slides, crocs, any open toe shoes. He likes grabbing them and bringing them close to his face and just inspecting them. And sometimes puts the slides on his lips and face. Why does he do that and how do I stop it.	Sounds like your nephew has a special interest! I know this may not be the best one because of germs and such, not sanitary. I would try and just redirect him and explain that he can look at the shoes, but we don't want them near our faces because it can make us sick. Sorry I couldn't offer any other advice, that's just my take. :), I’d let him just play with it. Redirecting him will be a lot of work and require consistency so if you don’t live together or spend a ton of time together it would be difficult. He’s just exploring the shoe. Or maybe he might find them comforting. I guess if you elaborate as to why you want him to stop we can be more specific on tactics. Just be warned by diverting his attention from something as innocuous as shoes you might end up with a less appealing habit/interest. Usually these things get replaced by something else., Mine touches everything to his lips too! It’s like he’s trying to kiss it haha. He mostly does it with his matchbox cars., I don’t have a problem with it except for the fact that he puts the bottoms of the shoes on his lips, he just grabs any pair that he can find in the house, My nephews been living with me for almost a year now so I’ll try redirecting him thank you!, My nephew likes “kissing” things too. Walls, pillows, shoes(as mentioned), doors, etc. sometimes when he’s feeling affectionate. He’ll pull my face in and kiss my cheek or forehead. Except he doesn’t pucker up so it’s just bare lip and bone against my face haha., Sounds like your nephew has a special interest! I know this may not be the best one because of germs and such, not sanitary. I would try and just redirect him and explain that he can look at the shoes, but we don't want them near our faces because it can make us sick. Sorry I couldn't offer any other advice, that's just my take. :), I’d let him just play with it. Redirecting him will be a lot of work and require consistency so if you don’t live together or spend a ton of time together it would be difficult. He’s just exploring the shoe. Or maybe he might find them comforting. I guess if you elaborate as to why you want him to stop we can be more specific on tactics. Just be warned by diverting his attention from something as innocuous as shoes you might end up with a less appealing habit/interest. Usually these things get replaced by something else., Mine touches everything to his lips too! It’s like he’s trying to kiss it haha. He mostly does it with his matchbox cars., I don’t have a problem with it except for the fact that he puts the bottoms of the shoes on his lips, he just grabs any pair that he can find in the house, My nephews been living with me for almost a year now so I’ll try redirecting him thank you!, My nephew likes “kissing” things too. Walls, pillows, shoes(as mentioned), doors, etc. sometimes when he’s feeling affectionate. He’ll pull my face in and kiss my cheek or forehead. Except he doesn’t pucker up so it’s just bare lip and bone against my face haha., Sounds like your nephew has a special interest! I know this may not be the best one because of germs and such, not sanitary. I would try and just redirect him and explain that he can look at the shoes, but we don't want them near our faces because it can make us sick. Sorry I couldn't offer any other advice, that's just my take. :), I’d let him just play with it. Redirecting him will be a lot of work and require consistency so if you don’t live together or spend a ton of time together it would be difficult. He’s just exploring the shoe. Or maybe he might find them comforting. I guess if you elaborate as to why you want him to stop we can be more specific on tactics. Just be warned by diverting his attention from something as innocuous as shoes you might end up with a less appealing habit/interest. Usually these things get replaced by something else., Mine touches everything to his lips too! It’s like he’s trying to kiss it haha. He mostly does it with his matchbox cars., I don’t have a problem with it except for the fact that he puts the bottoms of the shoes on his lips, he just grabs any pair that he can find in the house, My nephews been living with me for almost a year now so I’ll try redirecting him thank you!, My nephew likes “kissing” things too. Walls, pillows, shoes(as mentioned), doors, etc. sometimes when he’s feeling affectionate. He’ll pull my face in and kiss my cheek or forehead. Except he doesn’t pucker up so it’s just bare lip and bone against my face haha., Sounds like your nephew has a special interest! I know this may not be the best one because of germs and such, not sanitary. I would try and just redirect him and explain that he can look at the shoes, but we don't want them near our faces because it can make us sick. Sorry I couldn't offer any other advice, that's just my take. :), I’d let him just play with it. Redirecting him will be a lot of work and require consistency so if you don’t live together or spend a ton of time together it would be difficult. He’s just exploring the shoe. Or maybe he might find them comforting. I guess if you elaborate as to why you want him to stop we can be more specific on tactics. Just be warned by diverting his attention from something as innocuous as shoes you might end up with a less appealing habit/interest. Usually these things get replaced by something else., Mine touches everything to his lips too! It’s like he’s trying to kiss it haha. He mostly does it with his matchbox cars., I don’t have a problem with it except for the fact that he puts the bottoms of the shoes on his lips, he just grabs any pair that he can find in the house, My nephews been living with me for almost a year now so I’ll try redirecting him thank you!, My nephew likes “kissing” things too. Walls, pillows, shoes(as mentioned), doors, etc. sometimes when he’s feeling affectionate. He’ll pull my face in and kiss my cheek or forehead. Except he doesn’t pucker up so it’s just bare lip and bone against my face haha.
Please guide a worried parent	As the new year starts, I am getting past the denial phase into acceptance territory. My 2.5year old son has speech delay. Over the last one year I have been in a denial mode and was just waiting to hear him say dada. 2024 started and I am not blessed to hear him say it yet. Being in Canada we are still in waitlist for his assessment. I want to get over this denial phase and learn how to help him grow independent. I found this subreddit recently and all the Jargons are confusing and stressing me over and over. Parents of Reddit, please guide me on where to start. How do I help my little one grow up independently. So far, his speech is not clear but he can count till 20 and identify all 26 alphabets.He knows the colours red, blue green and white. He knows directions inside the house and outside quite well. Grabs our hand and drags us to places he want to go.Only time I saw him throw an uncontrollable tantrum was in the doctors office. The never ending wait time in Ontario, Canada is stressing me like crazy. What should I do to hear him call me Dada.	I'm in Canada, too, though on the other side of it, and we went through this with our son, as well. He's three now, but we suspected a speech delay at 2 years old. Here, we have early intervention services that hooked us up with a speech pathologist, but the waitlist was 6-8 months. It's really difficult being in that waitlist limbo. It sounds like your kiddo has a lot of the skills my son had at that age. Knowing his colours, and his alphabet and numbers, is fantastic. He's dragging you around to what he wants so he has an understanding of the world around him and his own needs. This is all positive stuff. He's young yet. There is a lot of time for this to develop naturally. Keep talking to him, keep showing him what he can do with language and make sure it's accessible for him. I didn't get mama right away, either, and it was tough. But these things take time and every kid goes at their own pace. For reference, my son has an autism diagnosis and is considered a gestalt learner. He picks up entire phrases instead of building them on his own with individual words. The key to this was giving him appropriate phrases and figuring out what he was trying to say with the phrases he was using. If you can get a speech pathologist, I recommend it completely. Having an expert on your side helps tremendously. In the meantime, keep talking to him. I promise he loves you, even if dada isn't a word he has yet. ❤️, I too was in the denial phase until recently, my son is also 2.5 years old. But I’ve slowly come to see what everyone else was too scared to tell me. I think it’s amazing that he knows his alphabet, a lot of numbers for his age, and quite a few colors! I think all you can do is encourage his speech by praising him for any verbal communication and hope that he gets there in his own time. He’s still very young and seems to have some verbal skills so I’m sure he’ll get there :), I highly recommend this book. It was so incredibly helpful for my husband and myself. I was able to implement so many things into our daily lives with examples the book provided. While you wait for your assessment, there are many things you can be doing to encourage and develop communication. An Early Start for Your Child with Autism: Using Everyday Activities to Help Kids Connect, Communicate, and Learn by Laurie A. Vismara, Geraldine Dawson, Sally J. Rogers, Go private if you can. We ended up not paying anything for private as extended benefits covered it. You should look into it., I had to go to a psychologist and pay out of pocket. If you or your partner have any psych coverage through work call your work insurance and see what they cover. Phone psychologists in your area and see if they diagnose specifically for autism. Does your kid go to daycare? Solidarity from a fellow ontarian, there’s a slp on youtube called “agents of speech” and he has a program on the skool app with lots of free courses to help children with speech and it’s helped me sooo much! there’s a course for potty training, for nonverbal children, for teaching your child to start combing words and so on. i recommend it bc a lot of parents from around the world are in it who on either on waitlists or simply just don’t have much resources in their country. it’s a stressful time period, i remember being in that phase., Hello from Ontario! Thank you for your post. I just recently joined this sub, as I have a 3 year son who has a significant speech delay. I had also been in denial that it was anything beyond that, but after some comments from daycare and spending some good one on one time with him over the break, i think the reality that he is definitely struggling with social communication is setting in. He actually sounds very similar to your son (not really a lot of tantrums, good at counting, leads up places), but does not respond to his name and rarely makes eye contact. We do have him in public speech and private, and are booked for a developmental assessment this month ( I signed up about 9 months ago?) so I am hopeful but also very nervous. I don’t have much advice, but wanted to say thank you for sharing. It can feel very difficult and lonely thinking your child may face additional struggles. At the end of the day I am trying to remember not to look at my son as having a deficit, but as a little boy who may see the world differently, but is the absolute best version of him self he can be ❤️ Best of luck to you guys., No advice, as not really something we struggled w/, but hello from Ontario ... !! Looks like we're just a few hrs up the 401 from you ... Let me know if you ever have any Ontario specific questions or just want to chat :), I recommend PRT books by Daniel Koegel as a starting point. It’s about giving your child choices in activities they are highly interested in which act as natural reinforcers of their language. Repetitive type play works great because you can participate and build language skills naturally., We got assessed at 4, because he had dual eye surgery at three for a severe cross-eye. He's been in a naturalistic, play-based ABA program since July and I've seen a huge improvement. He's mostly potty trained now right before turning 5 when he showed no signs of being ready earlier in the year. My son is a gifted child with a significant social delay, but has always had a cheerful and loving disposition. Each kid will learn in their own time. ❤️ You're on a good enough timeline and please avoid beating yourself up over the time you didn't catch it. My son's cross eye ended up being so bad that one eye was disappearing into his nose, but when he looked at me he focused them to be straighter. You're doing well at catching it now and providing support and practice for your child. Watching Miss Rachel prompted a noticeable growth in the words he was saying and the sign language helped a ton., while my kiddo doesn't have autism (other special needs), check out the FB [Autism Parents Support Group For Families in Ontario,Canada](https://www.facebook.com/groups/622361154509069/) lot of useful and relevant and up-to-date local info. do you have work benefits? consider finding a good speech therapist and just paying for a few sessions (consult/assessment + few therapy sessions) even if its out of pocket so you have somethign to work with., He needs ABA and speech therapy. Can you really not get those services until he has an assessment? What does your pediatrician say?, One thing that helped my child with a speech delay is to pick, like, 2 of his favorite things that he doesn't have a word for yet and to not give it to him until he asks for it (either by words or signing). Model it consistently. Eventually he'll hopefully get with the picture that he doesn't get the reward until he asks for it. This and talking to him constantly. Narrate what you do., Your son sounds exactly like mine. You sound like me. One thing I've found to help him and especially me is to have those small calm moments where it's just you and him. Maybe laying down for bed or just relaxing, talk to him. Talk to him like he can understand you because I am convinced my son can. He just struggles with the reciprocation, and that's OK. I ask him if he had fun doing x, y, z today. Talk about my favorite parts of the day. What makes me happy. Narrate everything that happened. Ask him questions. Tell him my answer to that question. Just talk talk talk. I've been doing this for a while he is now 3.5yrs. Talks his head off but we can't understand him yet. I don't know what he is saying but sometimes I can make out what he means. He's excited. Sad. Happy. Tired. Hungry. One morning he woke me up with a "I...love...you....dada." He signed it too. Because that's what I do all the time. Every day. Learn to accept where you're at now, don't give up, and try everything. I like to think of it as he just navigates the world differently in his own unique way, and it's my job as his father to figure out what that way is. When I get there, I'll take the next step. I'm no expert. I might even be wrong. But I am trying. Just don't stop trying., If your child gets diagnosed through a psychologist, pick up this book. This is everything you need to understand it and I have listened to many podcasts where behavioural therapistsquote this book An Early Start for your child with autism: https://www.amazon.ca/Early-Start-Your-Child-Autism/dp/160918470X/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=3SQDJJ1FBRDYO&keywords=an+early+start+for+your+child+with+autism&qid=1704256760&sprefix=an+early+st%2Caps%2C103&sr=8-1, Hello from Ontario! Have you gotten him registered for early intervention and speech therapy? You can self-refer without a diagnosis. [https://www.ontario.ca/page/early-child-development](https://www.ontario.ca/page/early-child-development) [https://www.ontario.ca/page/preschool-speech-and-language-program](https://www.ontario.ca/page/preschool-speech-and-language-program) The waitlists are completely absurd and it's so frustrating to not be able to access services. If you can afford private speech therapy, I think it's worthwhile to pay out of pocket for at least a few sessions to get set up with some goals and strategies. I'd also highly recommend the book More Than Words. There's a lot you can do at home while you wait for services., That's great to hear🙏 He shows his love by dragging me to sleep at night the moment he is sleepy. And by searching for me every single time I sneak out before he fully sleeps😅 I am reaching out to a few private speech therapists to see how to get started. Hoping for the best. Any recommendations for private occupational therapy or speech therapy would be helpful, Thank you for the solidarity 🙏 I understand why everyone was scared to tell. Last week, we went to a get together where more than 15 kids in my son's age group came. I was overwhelmed with the developmental differences and started stressing out. I had a panic moment when one of my friends innocently said that my son doesn't make eye contact when they play. My denial and panic mode set in. I immediately wanted to leave and was packing everything. Another friend who is a parent of two toddlers sensed my panic and picked up my son, played with him, made him laugh and laugh and laugh. Seeing that smile on his face gave me my strength back. My friend asked me to stay saying my son will enjoy being with other kids. That's when I realised I am letting my fear of name tags and denial hindering my son's growth. I started researching on how to help him and came across this sub and the incredible people here🙏, It’s not that they are too scared to tell you, it’s that ethically, you cant. Medical doctors make diagnosis, not clinicians., Thank you for the recommendation. I will get this book asap., We did this too in BC., Thank you. I will check out the channel and the programs this week🙏, My biggest fear is to ensure he is independent when I am no longer there to take care of him. I know it's an irrational fear but no matter how hard I try this is my biggest fear at this moment. I did feel very Lonely in the last few months. Today, seeing such great support I feel a lot better., while my kiddo doesn't have autism (other special needs), check out the FB [Autism Parents Support Group For Families in Ontario,Canada](https://www.facebook.com/groups/622361154509069/) lot of useful and relevant and up-to-date local info., Thank you 🙏 any guidance on support groups, programs based in Ontario, and guidance on how to navigate the system would be great., Thank you for the promising words 🙏. Miss Rachael is the only screen time we give him. ( I keep blaming myself for showing him too much cocomelon last year). I am sure he learned half the alphabets and numbers from her., I am going to try this month. Work benefits don't cover it. Money is secondary in this aspect., [removed], This is also comical to me. First day? Insurance will not cover ABA without a medical diagnosis of Autism. And get yourself a behavioral or developmental pediatrician, your regular primary care isn’t going to do anything for you., ABA is one of the Jargons that I don't understand. Why the mixed reviews. Any guidance would be great., This is excellent advice. I will try this strategy today 🙏, I teared up reading this message. The best gift for me now is to hear him say I love you dada. Or at least Dada🙏. ❤️ I will try your suggestions and hopefully something works out, It’s so great that you have a friend who is so loving to involve your son despite his differences 🥹 As you said it makes a world of difference and I’m so glad you have that ❤️I had a same reaction and was very happy to find this support group. I know it’s helped me as I hope that it’ll continue helping you 😊, An Early Start was really helpful for us too when my son was around 3 years old. We also learned so much from More than Words by Fern Sussman. I recommend focusing on building joint attention and interactions. I learned from An Early Start that lack of attention to caregivers is a major cause of delays. Neurotypical babies/toddlers tend to closely watch their caregivers, while autistic children may focus more on objects. Once you pull more focus to the caregivers and show them how fun interactions can be, that can really help with learning and speech., Unfortunately you're kind of at a 'stand still' right now waiting for assessment ... Hang in there ..., Not all ABA is good. But not all ABA is bad. I'm really impressed at the growth my son has had in a naturalistic, play-based center. I don't plan on keeping in there indefinitely, but I did need the help with potty training him and helping him be more responsive and advocate his needs., Speech therapy will not help as much with leading to what he wants, that’s social communication and engagement. Stop treating ABA like a boogie man because of some sensationalized Facebook posts., According to a study conducted by the Department of Defense and presented to congress in 2019: 76% of children saw no quantifiable benefit after a calendar year of ABA, and of all those children enrolled, 9% saw quantifiable regression. They also found there was no correlation between intensity and growth. To put it plainly, there is no scientific data that actually supports ABA as a therapy works that hasn’t be obviously concocted by those who certify ABA as an actual thing. There is no way to say that your son wouldn’t have matured and hit his developmental milestones without having someone trying to turn him into a robot., I think therapy goals should be specific, and that more than 2 days a week is more of a burden than an assist. There are nuances, and blindly going for as much therapy as one qualifies for can certainly cause resistance and trauma in the child. He's one day a week, and I'm aware of the limited progressional scope, that denying more authentic experiences could be a bad thing. I do think it's helpful as a catch-up tool. I don't intend to keep him in past this summer, as I'm sure he'll be ready for gen ed with the supports that are in place. I largely agree with you. However, the limited, targeted approach I've taken with ABA has been beneficial to my family., First, I just want to say thank you for having a reasonable discussion. There doesn’t seem like there is a lot of that going on around here. Having said that, I think we are essentially at the same place. My child is still enrolled in ABA. I did however notice much more tangible benefit from them when, and I don’t mean this to sound arrogant (but it probably will), I realized they worked for me. They make suggestions and I make decisions. They essentially act as my paralegal for all things ASD related. I have them coordinate group emails and meetings. I use them for easy access to information and maybe a back channel or two for talking with DDS, insurance, private professional therapists etc. I own my own business so, if I have a meeting, client call, need to handle anything clerical, well… I hope you can sit there and at the very least act like a pair of supervisory eyes kind of thing. They have very little to do with the actual development of my child at this juncture, especially when I have begged and pleaded with them to help me with my child smashing her face off of…. Anything and their solution was to give me a foam gardener knee saver pad from the dollar store. I think a lot of parents are so desperate to try anything that they think ABA is going to swoop in and save the day. The behaviors are going to be systematically addressed, and maybe progress is right around the corner. Then you end up going through months of “rapport building” that really only stands to instill in your already very particular child a necessity of ubiquitous and instantaneous gratification, cancellations, maternity leave BCBA swaps, BTs who were working at Footlocker last week only to get to PECS after a year. With all of that, just for the cherry on top, you get an overwhelming sense of guilt that you squandered any benefit that we had from early diagnosis and intervention. (If all of this sounds oddly specific, there might be a reason lol.) ABA preys on the desperation of parents, and is just another example of taking this ironically incredibly cookie cutter approach to treating something that apparently is so nuanced that the word “Spectrum” is literally in the disorder’s name.
Please help	(Florida) We are in the process of having my son (2.5 years old) tested for autism and have no idea what we are doing. Is early steps state funded? We see those services end at 3 and then what is the next step? An IEP? How does that work? Do they only get services if they attend school or does that also include in-home services? We also have the option of going through our private health insurance but we just have no idea what is best and really need some guidance.	Hi friend! I live in Texas and we use ECI (early childhood intervention) They provided therapy, support services, and evaluation based on financial need until my son was 3. After that they got me hooked up with the local school district. The school district then did their own educational evaluation to see if he was a fit for the special education program and he was. He started preschool early going just half a day to get support services and get acclimated to going to school. He did preschool a second year but that time it was full time. He’s now in 3rd grade about to finish and we have IEP and ARD meetings every year. Nothing through the state or school cost me anything. I got a referral from the school to get a medical evaluation, we had to wait over a year for that, but after we got that he started going to ABA therapy through my health insurance., I’m not in Florida but normally state early intervention goes until 3 then you transition to pre K with an IEP. Early intervention (normally at home or in a daycare setting) should help you set things up with the school but if you can’t start services before them reach out to the school and ask them for an evaluation for an IEP. They do testing at the school for his delays and then offer services appropriately. Any therapy outside of the school you would pay for. Once you get a formal diagnosis you will qualify for ABA therapy. Then it will go through your insurance if you choose to do that. Your pediatrician can give you referrals for an evaluation and you might have to go on a waitlist. Ours took 8 months., My kiddo is waiting on his evaluation from the school. Hoping he gets placed soon. He's still not potty trained and he is nonverbal. Is that going to be an issue?, It was not an issue for me at all. My son is still non verbal and he didn’t get potty trained till he was 5 years old., Hi friend! I live in Texas and we use ECI (early childhood intervention) They provided therapy, support services, and evaluation based on financial need until my son was 3. After that they got me hooked up with the local school district. The school district then did their own educational evaluation to see if he was a fit for the special education program and he was. He started preschool early going just half a day to get support services and get acclimated to going to school. He did preschool a second year but that time it was full time. He’s now in 3rd grade about to finish and we have IEP and ARD meetings every year. Nothing through the state or school cost me anything. I got a referral from the school to get a medical evaluation, we had to wait over a year for that, but after we got that he started going to ABA therapy through my health insurance., I’m not in Florida but normally state early intervention goes until 3 then you transition to pre K with an IEP. Early intervention (normally at home or in a daycare setting) should help you set things up with the school but if you can’t start services before them reach out to the school and ask them for an evaluation for an IEP. They do testing at the school for his delays and then offer services appropriately. Any therapy outside of the school you would pay for. Once you get a formal diagnosis you will qualify for ABA therapy. Then it will go through your insurance if you choose to do that. Your pediatrician can give you referrals for an evaluation and you might have to go on a waitlist. Ours took 8 months., My kiddo is waiting on his evaluation from the school. Hoping he gets placed soon. He's still not potty trained and he is nonverbal. Is that going to be an issue?, It was not an issue for me at all. My son is still non verbal and he didn’t get potty trained till he was 5 years old., Hi friend! I live in Texas and we use ECI (early childhood intervention) They provided therapy, support services, and evaluation based on financial need until my son was 3. After that they got me hooked up with the local school district. The school district then did their own educational evaluation to see if he was a fit for the special education program and he was. He started preschool early going just half a day to get support services and get acclimated to going to school. He did preschool a second year but that time it was full time. He’s now in 3rd grade about to finish and we have IEP and ARD meetings every year. Nothing through the state or school cost me anything. I got a referral from the school to get a medical evaluation, we had to wait over a year for that, but after we got that he started going to ABA therapy through my health insurance., I’m not in Florida but normally state early intervention goes until 3 then you transition to pre K with an IEP. Early intervention (normally at home or in a daycare setting) should help you set things up with the school but if you can’t start services before them reach out to the school and ask them for an evaluation for an IEP. They do testing at the school for his delays and then offer services appropriately. Any therapy outside of the school you would pay for. Once you get a formal diagnosis you will qualify for ABA therapy. Then it will go through your insurance if you choose to do that. Your pediatrician can give you referrals for an evaluation and you might have to go on a waitlist. Ours took 8 months., My kiddo is waiting on his evaluation from the school. Hoping he gets placed soon. He's still not potty trained and he is nonverbal. Is that going to be an issue?, It was not an issue for me at all. My son is still non verbal and he didn’t get potty trained till he was 5 years old., Hi friend! I live in Texas and we use ECI (early childhood intervention) They provided therapy, support services, and evaluation based on financial need until my son was 3. After that they got me hooked up with the local school district. The school district then did their own educational evaluation to see if he was a fit for the special education program and he was. He started preschool early going just half a day to get support services and get acclimated to going to school. He did preschool a second year but that time it was full time. He’s now in 3rd grade about to finish and we have IEP and ARD meetings every year. Nothing through the state or school cost me anything. I got a referral from the school to get a medical evaluation, we had to wait over a year for that, but after we got that he started going to ABA therapy through my health insurance., I’m not in Florida but normally state early intervention goes until 3 then you transition to pre K with an IEP. Early intervention (normally at home or in a daycare setting) should help you set things up with the school but if you can’t start services before them reach out to the school and ask them for an evaluation for an IEP. They do testing at the school for his delays and then offer services appropriately. Any therapy outside of the school you would pay for. Once you get a formal diagnosis you will qualify for ABA therapy. Then it will go through your insurance if you choose to do that. Your pediatrician can give you referrals for an evaluation and you might have to go on a waitlist. Ours took 8 months., My kiddo is waiting on his evaluation from the school. Hoping he gets placed soon. He's still not potty trained and he is nonverbal. Is that going to be an issue?, It was not an issue for me at all. My son is still non verbal and he didn’t get potty trained till he was 5 years old.
Please tell me it gets better :(	My son, who is nearly non-verbal, recently turned four. Despite being in speech therapy since the age of two and a half, progress has been minimal. He currently knows around 15 words and can say simple sentences like "I want pizza." Remarkably, he's fully potty trained and sleeps soundly through the night. Additionally, he can write all letters and numbers up to twenty. However, he struggles with staying focused and learning new words. The school has labeled him as autistic in their paperwork, though I'm uncertain about what this entails for his future education. I worry about his admission to regular or private schools. On a positive note, he excels in motor skills, such as using scissors and buttoning his shirt, and he's been attending swimming lessons for six months, albeit with limited success. Recently, he began karate, but maintaining focus has been challenging. Can you reassure me that things will improve, and are there any strategies I can implement to support his development more effectively?	I have multiple level 3 children. Before 6, it's the hell years, imo. My oldest was always eloping, smearing poop, running 24/7 and breaking things. He put my credit cards into the back of the stove (I had to open it), he did once almost make it to the park and a neighbor and I chased him down. He ripped the enormous shelf off our bathroom wall. He was lucky to escape serious injury. Some part of me was relieved whenever he was sick enough to mostly be on the couch - it was the only break we had. He joined a karate class once and could never stop or focus long enough to learn. He's 9 now and has 0 behavioral problems. He reads at grade level. AAC has helped him a lot. He now tries to manage his little brother's behavior. He's potty trained. He's in a special needs dance class and has made friends. Is he typical? Oh, God no. But day to day life with him is pretty easygoing these days. We're taking him to a concert next month. My little one is getting there... Going gluten free has helped him. Hang in there. , Your child shows great potential. If there’s been little to no progress at speech therapy for 1.5 years, switch speech therapists. They vary greatly in method and competence… In our case, at first we met two therapists (at two different clinics) who weren’t helpful at all. But then we found one who was highly experienced and competent and we’ve been sticking with them since., ABA therapy also helps., He sounds like my kid at that age! He’s now 7 and reads above grade level and does math at grade level. The stuff he struggles with academically are like word problems and inferencing reading questions. He doesn’t qualify for speech or OT anymore. He’s in the autism unit half day and gen ed half day. He struggles socially and with hyperactivity, sitting still, etc. He’s honestly pretty great most of the time. He loves typical stuff for kids his age group, like video games and Transformers. He can get frustrated easily, but most of the time, he’s good at calming himself down., Things will get much better!!! He's already saying some sentences!? That's a great sign! He sounds like a fun little guy., My experience is my son is level 3, 7 years old. He was doing very well at 6. He’s regressed bad this past year. We can’t get services for him in my area unfortunately. Due to health reasons we have to stay here another year then move next year. I hope it gets better for you. Sometimes it feels helpless., You need to advocate for as many services and supports as you can. A lot of that depends where you live. I'm not sure if you're in the US, but if so... no state does this very well. We are in PA and have to pay out of pocket for ABA therapy. That is by far the most useful. Speech therapy is something you should push for as much intervention at the school as possible. They will try to give you the bare minimum. Right now everyone is claiming a massive shortage in SLP providers. Look for local groups, in person and on Facebook (pretty much the only useful feature of Facebook is private groups). Other parents in your area can give you more specific and targeted advice., 3-4 are hell years. Ours really blossomed in 1st grade., Does he need OT? Have you read up on ABA Therapy? It's not for everyone but read up on it if you haven't. What does his pediatrician recommend?, I’m sorry to hear your experience but very excited and happy to know your son is doing so well now.. my kid is mostly calm but does have temper tantrums when we are out and about because he does not like to behave out in public as I ask him to. He’s a little helper around the house and at school/ day care and everyone calls him a sweet little boy .. while all that’s going well, I’m worried about his developmental side of things, If you don’t mind sharing, what positive impacts did you see from going gluten-free? I’ve heard of dietary changes before for kiddos with autism, but haven’t heard much else., What do you think changes after 6? Because we just got diagnosed right as he turned 6 (level 1) and I need to believe it’s going to get easier!, Do you mind me asking what level was he diagnosed with?, Thank you! May be I should say he really started going since he turned 3 as the first few months were mostly a miss .. in the last year, between private hospital, home and public school .. he met with 4 to 5 speech therapists. Currently he’s attending this pre-k program ( we are in CA and they teach social skills) .. I am looking into adding a private speech therapist at home on weekends.., Yes he’s currently in Pre K/ transition school OT program. We are in touch with speech therapists but we have been hearing it takes time to develop his language skills ..Also he’s not that receptive and needs help with gestures ..he’s not hanging out with kids his age much , I think due to communication challenges I’m very hopeful it gets better with time.. thank you all, Please tell me more! We have a level 1 kindergartener and whew it’s been bumpy!, It may or may not impact private school admission..private schools in the US can refuse admittance. It sounds like introducing AAC would be good for your son. He's 4 and writing numbers - I think that familiarizing yourself with what kindergartners learn (and remember, most kids don't start until 5 or 6) will put you at ease. At this point, reading with him, writing work like he's doing, tracing and scissors work, coloring, learning his ABCs and maybe some phonics, will set him up beautifully for his school years. A lot of younger kids struggle with focus. That may or may not improve..many have comorbid ADHD, which is something to look into. Anxiety can also impact focus. Many autistic kids blossom between 4 and 7 - he sounds like he's doing great. , Less constant insanity and aggression. The all day long screaming and constant impulsivity stopped. , Not OP, but from my experience, gluten can cause inflammation. This may cause the kids to behave erratically. Also know there is gluten sensitivity, celiac disease. I have heard some kids behaviors greatly improves when inflammatory foods are removed from the diet. It’s help with my non-verbal daughter. She suffered from constipation and used to press her stomach against the sofa/mattress. When I consume some gluten, I get bloated and feel like I can’t focus. I kind of relate it to that., My oldest was diagnosed level 3 at 3, he was reevaluated at 9 and is still level 3. My youngest was diagnosed level 2 at 2, reevaluated at 5 and his diagnosis changed to level 3 ASD + GDD. Honestly, if my youngest had been diagnosed at 3, he would have also been given a level 3 DX. , Thank you for your valuable advice. While he is doing great in writing, he needs a lot of help with his speech and receptive skills, unlike his peers at daycare. We've been consistently taking him to the library every weekend and prioritizing reading to him as much as possible. I'll explore the AAC program for my son to further support his communication needs., But if he can read at grade level, how can he be level 3? To me him reading at grade level is quite incredible and a great sign, A speech pathologist can complete an AAC evaluation to determine the best system for him, write a prescription, and then it can be covered by insurance. AAC devices are great teaching tools and I highly recommend., This is where it gets tricky. When he was in school, they estimated his IQ was in the low 40s range. I don't know if I believe that. ID isn't a requirement for level 3, but it's more likely. He is minimally speaking and relies mostly on AAC. He isn't conversational and probably couldn't help himself in an emergency. But honestly, there are a lot of level 3 children who can read and write. Carly Fleischmann no longer uploads, but her YouTube channel is a great example of what a level 3 autistic person can be like. , I have multiple level 3 children. Before 6, it's the hell years, imo. My oldest was always eloping, smearing poop, running 24/7 and breaking things. He put my credit cards into the back of the stove (I had to open it), he did once almost make it to the park and a neighbor and I chased him down. He ripped the enormous shelf off our bathroom wall. He was lucky to escape serious injury. Some part of me was relieved whenever he was sick enough to mostly be on the couch - it was the only break we had. He joined a karate class once and could never stop or focus long enough to learn. He's 9 now and has 0 behavioral problems. He reads at grade level. AAC has helped him a lot. He now tries to manage his little brother's behavior. He's potty trained. He's in a special needs dance class and has made friends. Is he typical? Oh, God no. But day to day life with him is pretty easygoing these days. We're taking him to a concert next month. My little one is getting there... Going gluten free has helped him. Hang in there. , Your child shows great potential. If there’s been little to no progress at speech therapy for 1.5 years, switch speech therapists. They vary greatly in method and competence… In our case, at first we met two therapists (at two different clinics) who weren’t helpful at all. But then we found one who was highly experienced and competent and we’ve been sticking with them since., ABA therapy also helps., He sounds like my kid at that age! He’s now 7 and reads above grade level and does math at grade level. The stuff he struggles with academically are like word problems and inferencing reading questions. He doesn’t qualify for speech or OT anymore. He’s in the autism unit half day and gen ed half day. He struggles socially and with hyperactivity, sitting still, etc. He’s honestly pretty great most of the time. He loves typical stuff for kids his age group, like video games and Transformers. He can get frustrated easily, but most of the time, he’s good at calming himself down., Things will get much better!!! He's already saying some sentences!? That's a great sign! He sounds like a fun little guy., My experience is my son is level 3, 7 years old. He was doing very well at 6. He’s regressed bad this past year. We can’t get services for him in my area unfortunately. Due to health reasons we have to stay here another year then move next year. I hope it gets better for you. Sometimes it feels helpless., You need to advocate for as many services and supports as you can. A lot of that depends where you live. I'm not sure if you're in the US, but if so... no state does this very well. We are in PA and have to pay out of pocket for ABA therapy. That is by far the most useful. Speech therapy is something you should push for as much intervention at the school as possible. They will try to give you the bare minimum. Right now everyone is claiming a massive shortage in SLP providers. Look for local groups, in person and on Facebook (pretty much the only useful feature of Facebook is private groups). Other parents in your area can give you more specific and targeted advice., 3-4 are hell years. Ours really blossomed in 1st grade., Does he need OT? Have you read up on ABA Therapy? It's not for everyone but read up on it if you haven't. What does his pediatrician recommend?, I’m sorry to hear your experience but very excited and happy to know your son is doing so well now.. my kid is mostly calm but does have temper tantrums when we are out and about because he does not like to behave out in public as I ask him to. He’s a little helper around the house and at school/ day care and everyone calls him a sweet little boy .. while all that’s going well, I’m worried about his developmental side of things, If you don’t mind sharing, what positive impacts did you see from going gluten-free? I’ve heard of dietary changes before for kiddos with autism, but haven’t heard much else., What do you think changes after 6? Because we just got diagnosed right as he turned 6 (level 1) and I need to believe it’s going to get easier!, Do you mind me asking what level was he diagnosed with?, Thank you! May be I should say he really started going since he turned 3 as the first few months were mostly a miss .. in the last year, between private hospital, home and public school .. he met with 4 to 5 speech therapists. Currently he’s attending this pre-k program ( we are in CA and they teach social skills) .. I am looking into adding a private speech therapist at home on weekends.., Yes he’s currently in Pre K/ transition school OT program. We are in touch with speech therapists but we have been hearing it takes time to develop his language skills ..Also he’s not that receptive and needs help with gestures ..he’s not hanging out with kids his age much , I think due to communication challenges I’m very hopeful it gets better with time.. thank you all, Please tell me more! We have a level 1 kindergartener and whew it’s been bumpy!, It may or may not impact private school admission..private schools in the US can refuse admittance. It sounds like introducing AAC would be good for your son. He's 4 and writing numbers - I think that familiarizing yourself with what kindergartners learn (and remember, most kids don't start until 5 or 6) will put you at ease. At this point, reading with him, writing work like he's doing, tracing and scissors work, coloring, learning his ABCs and maybe some phonics, will set him up beautifully for his school years. A lot of younger kids struggle with focus. That may or may not improve..many have comorbid ADHD, which is something to look into. Anxiety can also impact focus. Many autistic kids blossom between 4 and 7 - he sounds like he's doing great. , Less constant insanity and aggression. The all day long screaming and constant impulsivity stopped. , Not OP, but from my experience, gluten can cause inflammation. This may cause the kids to behave erratically. Also know there is gluten sensitivity, celiac disease. I have heard some kids behaviors greatly improves when inflammatory foods are removed from the diet. It’s help with my non-verbal daughter. She suffered from constipation and used to press her stomach against the sofa/mattress. When I consume some gluten, I get bloated and feel like I can’t focus. I kind of relate it to that., My oldest was diagnosed level 3 at 3, he was reevaluated at 9 and is still level 3. My youngest was diagnosed level 2 at 2, reevaluated at 5 and his diagnosis changed to level 3 ASD + GDD. Honestly, if my youngest had been diagnosed at 3, he would have also been given a level 3 DX. , Thank you for your valuable advice. While he is doing great in writing, he needs a lot of help with his speech and receptive skills, unlike his peers at daycare. We've been consistently taking him to the library every weekend and prioritizing reading to him as much as possible. I'll explore the AAC program for my son to further support his communication needs., But if he can read at grade level, how can he be level 3? To me him reading at grade level is quite incredible and a great sign, A speech pathologist can complete an AAC evaluation to determine the best system for him, write a prescription, and then it can be covered by insurance. AAC devices are great teaching tools and I highly recommend., This is where it gets tricky. When he was in school, they estimated his IQ was in the low 40s range. I don't know if I believe that. ID isn't a requirement for level 3, but it's more likely. He is minimally speaking and relies mostly on AAC. He isn't conversational and probably couldn't help himself in an emergency. But honestly, there are a lot of level 3 children who can read and write. Carly Fleischmann no longer uploads, but her YouTube channel is a great example of what a level 3 autistic person can be like. , I have multiple level 3 children. Before 6, it's the hell years, imo. My oldest was always eloping, smearing poop, running 24/7 and breaking things. He put my credit cards into the back of the stove (I had to open it), he did once almost make it to the park and a neighbor and I chased him down. He ripped the enormous shelf off our bathroom wall. He was lucky to escape serious injury. Some part of me was relieved whenever he was sick enough to mostly be on the couch - it was the only break we had. He joined a karate class once and could never stop or focus long enough to learn. He's 9 now and has 0 behavioral problems. He reads at grade level. AAC has helped him a lot. He now tries to manage his little brother's behavior. He's potty trained. He's in a special needs dance class and has made friends. Is he typical? Oh, God no. But day to day life with him is pretty easygoing these days. We're taking him to a concert next month. My little one is getting there... Going gluten free has helped him. Hang in there. , Your child shows great potential. If there’s been little to no progress at speech therapy for 1.5 years, switch speech therapists. They vary greatly in method and competence… In our case, at first we met two therapists (at two different clinics) who weren’t helpful at all. But then we found one who was highly experienced and competent and we’ve been sticking with them since., ABA therapy also helps., He sounds like my kid at that age! He’s now 7 and reads above grade level and does math at grade level. The stuff he struggles with academically are like word problems and inferencing reading questions. He doesn’t qualify for speech or OT anymore. He’s in the autism unit half day and gen ed half day. He struggles socially and with hyperactivity, sitting still, etc. He’s honestly pretty great most of the time. He loves typical stuff for kids his age group, like video games and Transformers. He can get frustrated easily, but most of the time, he’s good at calming himself down., Things will get much better!!! He's already saying some sentences!? That's a great sign! He sounds like a fun little guy., My experience is my son is level 3, 7 years old. He was doing very well at 6. He’s regressed bad this past year. We can’t get services for him in my area unfortunately. Due to health reasons we have to stay here another year then move next year. I hope it gets better for you. Sometimes it feels helpless., You need to advocate for as many services and supports as you can. A lot of that depends where you live. I'm not sure if you're in the US, but if so... no state does this very well. We are in PA and have to pay out of pocket for ABA therapy. That is by far the most useful. Speech therapy is something you should push for as much intervention at the school as possible. They will try to give you the bare minimum. Right now everyone is claiming a massive shortage in SLP providers. Look for local groups, in person and on Facebook (pretty much the only useful feature of Facebook is private groups). Other parents in your area can give you more specific and targeted advice., 3-4 are hell years. Ours really blossomed in 1st grade., Does he need OT? Have you read up on ABA Therapy? It's not for everyone but read up on it if you haven't. What does his pediatrician recommend?, I’m sorry to hear your experience but very excited and happy to know your son is doing so well now.. my kid is mostly calm but does have temper tantrums when we are out and about because he does not like to behave out in public as I ask him to. He’s a little helper around the house and at school/ day care and everyone calls him a sweet little boy .. while all that’s going well, I’m worried about his developmental side of things, If you don’t mind sharing, what positive impacts did you see from going gluten-free? I’ve heard of dietary changes before for kiddos with autism, but haven’t heard much else., What do you think changes after 6? Because we just got diagnosed right as he turned 6 (level 1) and I need to believe it’s going to get easier!, Do you mind me asking what level was he diagnosed with?, Thank you! May be I should say he really started going since he turned 3 as the first few months were mostly a miss .. in the last year, between private hospital, home and public school .. he met with 4 to 5 speech therapists. Currently he’s attending this pre-k program ( we are in CA and they teach social skills) .. I am looking into adding a private speech therapist at home on weekends.., Yes he’s currently in Pre K/ transition school OT program. We are in touch with speech therapists but we have been hearing it takes time to develop his language skills ..Also he’s not that receptive and needs help with gestures ..he’s not hanging out with kids his age much , I think due to communication challenges I’m very hopeful it gets better with time.. thank you all, Please tell me more! We have a level 1 kindergartener and whew it’s been bumpy!, It may or may not impact private school admission..private schools in the US can refuse admittance. It sounds like introducing AAC would be good for your son. He's 4 and writing numbers - I think that familiarizing yourself with what kindergartners learn (and remember, most kids don't start until 5 or 6) will put you at ease. At this point, reading with him, writing work like he's doing, tracing and scissors work, coloring, learning his ABCs and maybe some phonics, will set him up beautifully for his school years. A lot of younger kids struggle with focus. That may or may not improve..many have comorbid ADHD, which is something to look into. Anxiety can also impact focus. Many autistic kids blossom between 4 and 7 - he sounds like he's doing great. , Less constant insanity and aggression. The all day long screaming and constant impulsivity stopped. , Not OP, but from my experience, gluten can cause inflammation. This may cause the kids to behave erratically. Also know there is gluten sensitivity, celiac disease. I have heard some kids behaviors greatly improves when inflammatory foods are removed from the diet. It’s help with my non-verbal daughter. She suffered from constipation and used to press her stomach against the sofa/mattress. When I consume some gluten, I get bloated and feel like I can’t focus. I kind of relate it to that., My oldest was diagnosed level 3 at 3, he was reevaluated at 9 and is still level 3. My youngest was diagnosed level 2 at 2, reevaluated at 5 and his diagnosis changed to level 3 ASD + GDD. Honestly, if my youngest had been diagnosed at 3, he would have also been given a level 3 DX. , Thank you for your valuable advice. While he is doing great in writing, he needs a lot of help with his speech and receptive skills, unlike his peers at daycare. We've been consistently taking him to the library every weekend and prioritizing reading to him as much as possible. I'll explore the AAC program for my son to further support his communication needs., But if he can read at grade level, how can he be level 3? To me him reading at grade level is quite incredible and a great sign, A speech pathologist can complete an AAC evaluation to determine the best system for him, write a prescription, and then it can be covered by insurance. AAC devices are great teaching tools and I highly recommend., This is where it gets tricky. When he was in school, they estimated his IQ was in the low 40s range. I don't know if I believe that. ID isn't a requirement for level 3, but it's more likely. He is minimally speaking and relies mostly on AAC. He isn't conversational and probably couldn't help himself in an emergency. But honestly, there are a lot of level 3 children who can read and write. Carly Fleischmann no longer uploads, but her YouTube channel is a great example of what a level 3 autistic person can be like. , I have multiple level 3 children. Before 6, it's the hell years, imo. My oldest was always eloping, smearing poop, running 24/7 and breaking things. He put my credit cards into the back of the stove (I had to open it), he did once almost make it to the park and a neighbor and I chased him down. He ripped the enormous shelf off our bathroom wall. He was lucky to escape serious injury. Some part of me was relieved whenever he was sick enough to mostly be on the couch - it was the only break we had. He joined a karate class once and could never stop or focus long enough to learn. He's 9 now and has 0 behavioral problems. He reads at grade level. AAC has helped him a lot. He now tries to manage his little brother's behavior. He's potty trained. He's in a special needs dance class and has made friends. Is he typical? Oh, God no. But day to day life with him is pretty easygoing these days. We're taking him to a concert next month. My little one is getting there... Going gluten free has helped him. Hang in there. , Your child shows great potential. If there’s been little to no progress at speech therapy for 1.5 years, switch speech therapists. They vary greatly in method and competence… In our case, at first we met two therapists (at two different clinics) who weren’t helpful at all. But then we found one who was highly experienced and competent and we’ve been sticking with them since., ABA therapy also helps., He sounds like my kid at that age! He’s now 7 and reads above grade level and does math at grade level. The stuff he struggles with academically are like word problems and inferencing reading questions. He doesn’t qualify for speech or OT anymore. He’s in the autism unit half day and gen ed half day. He struggles socially and with hyperactivity, sitting still, etc. He’s honestly pretty great most of the time. He loves typical stuff for kids his age group, like video games and Transformers. He can get frustrated easily, but most of the time, he’s good at calming himself down., Things will get much better!!! He's already saying some sentences!? That's a great sign! He sounds like a fun little guy., My experience is my son is level 3, 7 years old. He was doing very well at 6. He’s regressed bad this past year. We can’t get services for him in my area unfortunately. Due to health reasons we have to stay here another year then move next year. I hope it gets better for you. Sometimes it feels helpless., You need to advocate for as many services and supports as you can. A lot of that depends where you live. I'm not sure if you're in the US, but if so... no state does this very well. We are in PA and have to pay out of pocket for ABA therapy. That is by far the most useful. Speech therapy is something you should push for as much intervention at the school as possible. They will try to give you the bare minimum. Right now everyone is claiming a massive shortage in SLP providers. Look for local groups, in person and on Facebook (pretty much the only useful feature of Facebook is private groups). Other parents in your area can give you more specific and targeted advice., 3-4 are hell years. Ours really blossomed in 1st grade., Does he need OT? Have you read up on ABA Therapy? It's not for everyone but read up on it if you haven't. What does his pediatrician recommend?, I’m sorry to hear your experience but very excited and happy to know your son is doing so well now.. my kid is mostly calm but does have temper tantrums when we are out and about because he does not like to behave out in public as I ask him to. He’s a little helper around the house and at school/ day care and everyone calls him a sweet little boy .. while all that’s going well, I’m worried about his developmental side of things, If you don’t mind sharing, what positive impacts did you see from going gluten-free? I’ve heard of dietary changes before for kiddos with autism, but haven’t heard much else., What do you think changes after 6? Because we just got diagnosed right as he turned 6 (level 1) and I need to believe it’s going to get easier!, Do you mind me asking what level was he diagnosed with?, Thank you! May be I should say he really started going since he turned 3 as the first few months were mostly a miss .. in the last year, between private hospital, home and public school .. he met with 4 to 5 speech therapists. Currently he’s attending this pre-k program ( we are in CA and they teach social skills) .. I am looking into adding a private speech therapist at home on weekends.., Yes he’s currently in Pre K/ transition school OT program. We are in touch with speech therapists but we have been hearing it takes time to develop his language skills ..Also he’s not that receptive and needs help with gestures ..he’s not hanging out with kids his age much , I think due to communication challenges I’m very hopeful it gets better with time.. thank you all, Please tell me more! We have a level 1 kindergartener and whew it’s been bumpy!, It may or may not impact private school admission..private schools in the US can refuse admittance. It sounds like introducing AAC would be good for your son. He's 4 and writing numbers - I think that familiarizing yourself with what kindergartners learn (and remember, most kids don't start until 5 or 6) will put you at ease. At this point, reading with him, writing work like he's doing, tracing and scissors work, coloring, learning his ABCs and maybe some phonics, will set him up beautifully for his school years. A lot of younger kids struggle with focus. That may or may not improve..many have comorbid ADHD, which is something to look into. Anxiety can also impact focus. Many autistic kids blossom between 4 and 7 - he sounds like he's doing great. , Less constant insanity and aggression. The all day long screaming and constant impulsivity stopped. , Not OP, but from my experience, gluten can cause inflammation. This may cause the kids to behave erratically. Also know there is gluten sensitivity, celiac disease. I have heard some kids behaviors greatly improves when inflammatory foods are removed from the diet. It’s help with my non-verbal daughter. She suffered from constipation and used to press her stomach against the sofa/mattress. When I consume some gluten, I get bloated and feel like I can’t focus. I kind of relate it to that., My oldest was diagnosed level 3 at 3, he was reevaluated at 9 and is still level 3. My youngest was diagnosed level 2 at 2, reevaluated at 5 and his diagnosis changed to level 3 ASD + GDD. Honestly, if my youngest had been diagnosed at 3, he would have also been given a level 3 DX. , Thank you for your valuable advice. While he is doing great in writing, he needs a lot of help with his speech and receptive skills, unlike his peers at daycare. We've been consistently taking him to the library every weekend and prioritizing reading to him as much as possible. I'll explore the AAC program for my son to further support his communication needs., But if he can read at grade level, how can he be level 3? To me him reading at grade level is quite incredible and a great sign, A speech pathologist can complete an AAC evaluation to determine the best system for him, write a prescription, and then it can be covered by insurance. AAC devices are great teaching tools and I highly recommend., This is where it gets tricky. When he was in school, they estimated his IQ was in the low 40s range. I don't know if I believe that. ID isn't a requirement for level 3, but it's more likely. He is minimally speaking and relies mostly on AAC. He isn't conversational and probably couldn't help himself in an emergency. But honestly, there are a lot of level 3 children who can read and write. Carly Fleischmann no longer uploads, but her YouTube channel is a great example of what a level 3 autistic person can be like. , I have multiple level 3 children. Before 6, it's the hell years, imo. My oldest was always eloping, smearing poop, running 24/7 and breaking things. He put my credit cards into the back of the stove (I had to open it), he did once almost make it to the park and a neighbor and I chased him down. He ripped the enormous shelf off our bathroom wall. He was lucky to escape serious injury. Some part of me was relieved whenever he was sick enough to mostly be on the couch - it was the only break we had. He joined a karate class once and could never stop or focus long enough to learn. He's 9 now and has 0 behavioral problems. He reads at grade level. AAC has helped him a lot. He now tries to manage his little brother's behavior. He's potty trained. He's in a special needs dance class and has made friends. Is he typical? Oh, God no. But day to day life with him is pretty easygoing these days. We're taking him to a concert next month. My little one is getting there... Going gluten free has helped him. Hang in there. , Your child shows great potential. If there’s been little to no progress at speech therapy for 1.5 years, switch speech therapists. They vary greatly in method and competence… In our case, at first we met two therapists (at two different clinics) who weren’t helpful at all. But then we found one who was highly experienced and competent and we’ve been sticking with them since., ABA therapy also helps., He sounds like my kid at that age! He’s now 7 and reads above grade level and does math at grade level. The stuff he struggles with academically are like word problems and inferencing reading questions. He doesn’t qualify for speech or OT anymore. He’s in the autism unit half day and gen ed half day. He struggles socially and with hyperactivity, sitting still, etc. He’s honestly pretty great most of the time. He loves typical stuff for kids his age group, like video games and Transformers. He can get frustrated easily, but most of the time, he’s good at calming himself down., Things will get much better!!! He's already saying some sentences!? That's a great sign! He sounds like a fun little guy., My experience is my son is level 3, 7 years old. He was doing very well at 6. He’s regressed bad this past year. We can’t get services for him in my area unfortunately. Due to health reasons we have to stay here another year then move next year. I hope it gets better for you. Sometimes it feels helpless., You need to advocate for as many services and supports as you can. A lot of that depends where you live. I'm not sure if you're in the US, but if so... no state does this very well. We are in PA and have to pay out of pocket for ABA therapy. That is by far the most useful. Speech therapy is something you should push for as much intervention at the school as possible. They will try to give you the bare minimum. Right now everyone is claiming a massive shortage in SLP providers. Look for local groups, in person and on Facebook (pretty much the only useful feature of Facebook is private groups). Other parents in your area can give you more specific and targeted advice., 3-4 are hell years. Ours really blossomed in 1st grade., Does he need OT? Have you read up on ABA Therapy? It's not for everyone but read up on it if you haven't. What does his pediatrician recommend?, I’m sorry to hear your experience but very excited and happy to know your son is doing so well now.. my kid is mostly calm but does have temper tantrums when we are out and about because he does not like to behave out in public as I ask him to. He’s a little helper around the house and at school/ day care and everyone calls him a sweet little boy .. while all that’s going well, I’m worried about his developmental side of things, If you don’t mind sharing, what positive impacts did you see from going gluten-free? I’ve heard of dietary changes before for kiddos with autism, but haven’t heard much else., What do you think changes after 6? Because we just got diagnosed right as he turned 6 (level 1) and I need to believe it’s going to get easier!, Do you mind me asking what level was he diagnosed with?, Thank you! May be I should say he really started going since he turned 3 as the first few months were mostly a miss .. in the last year, between private hospital, home and public school .. he met with 4 to 5 speech therapists. Currently he’s attending this pre-k program ( we are in CA and they teach social skills) .. I am looking into adding a private speech therapist at home on weekends.., Yes he’s currently in Pre K/ transition school OT program. We are in touch with speech therapists but we have been hearing it takes time to develop his language skills ..Also he’s not that receptive and needs help with gestures ..he’s not hanging out with kids his age much , I think due to communication challenges I’m very hopeful it gets better with time.. thank you all, Please tell me more! We have a level 1 kindergartener and whew it’s been bumpy!, It may or may not impact private school admission..private schools in the US can refuse admittance. It sounds like introducing AAC would be good for your son. He's 4 and writing numbers - I think that familiarizing yourself with what kindergartners learn (and remember, most kids don't start until 5 or 6) will put you at ease. At this point, reading with him, writing work like he's doing, tracing and scissors work, coloring, learning his ABCs and maybe some phonics, will set him up beautifully for his school years. A lot of younger kids struggle with focus. That may or may not improve..many have comorbid ADHD, which is something to look into. Anxiety can also impact focus. Many autistic kids blossom between 4 and 7 - he sounds like he's doing great. , Less constant insanity and aggression. The all day long screaming and constant impulsivity stopped. , Not OP, but from my experience, gluten can cause inflammation. This may cause the kids to behave erratically. Also know there is gluten sensitivity, celiac disease. I have heard some kids behaviors greatly improves when inflammatory foods are removed from the diet. It’s help with my non-verbal daughter. She suffered from constipation and used to press her stomach against the sofa/mattress. When I consume some gluten, I get bloated and feel like I can’t focus. I kind of relate it to that., My oldest was diagnosed level 3 at 3, he was reevaluated at 9 and is still level 3. My youngest was diagnosed level 2 at 2, reevaluated at 5 and his diagnosis changed to level 3 ASD + GDD. Honestly, if my youngest had been diagnosed at 3, he would have also been given a level 3 DX. , Thank you for your valuable advice. While he is doing great in writing, he needs a lot of help with his speech and receptive skills, unlike his peers at daycare. We've been consistently taking him to the library every weekend and prioritizing reading to him as much as possible. I'll explore the AAC program for my son to further support his communication needs., But if he can read at grade level, how can he be level 3? To me him reading at grade level is quite incredible and a great sign, A speech pathologist can complete an AAC evaluation to determine the best system for him, write a prescription, and then it can be covered by insurance. AAC devices are great teaching tools and I highly recommend., This is where it gets tricky. When he was in school, they estimated his IQ was in the low 40s range. I don't know if I believe that. ID isn't a requirement for level 3, but it's more likely. He is minimally speaking and relies mostly on AAC. He isn't conversational and probably couldn't help himself in an emergency. But honestly, there are a lot of level 3 children who can read and write. Carly Fleischmann no longer uploads, but her YouTube channel is a great example of what a level 3 autistic person can be like. , I have multiple level 3 children. Before 6, it's the hell years, imo. My oldest was always eloping, smearing poop, running 24/7 and breaking things. He put my credit cards into the back of the stove (I had to open it), he did once almost make it to the park and a neighbor and I chased him down. He ripped the enormous shelf off our bathroom wall. He was lucky to escape serious injury. Some part of me was relieved whenever he was sick enough to mostly be on the couch - it was the only break we had. He joined a karate class once and could never stop or focus long enough to learn. He's 9 now and has 0 behavioral problems. He reads at grade level. AAC has helped him a lot. He now tries to manage his little brother's behavior. He's potty trained. He's in a special needs dance class and has made friends. Is he typical? Oh, God no. But day to day life with him is pretty easygoing these days. We're taking him to a concert next month. My little one is getting there... Going gluten free has helped him. Hang in there. , Your child shows great potential. If there’s been little to no progress at speech therapy for 1.5 years, switch speech therapists. They vary greatly in method and competence… In our case, at first we met two therapists (at two different clinics) who weren’t helpful at all. But then we found one who was highly experienced and competent and we’ve been sticking with them since., ABA therapy also helps., He sounds like my kid at that age! He’s now 7 and reads above grade level and does math at grade level. The stuff he struggles with academically are like word problems and inferencing reading questions. He doesn’t qualify for speech or OT anymore. He’s in the autism unit half day and gen ed half day. He struggles socially and with hyperactivity, sitting still, etc. He’s honestly pretty great most of the time. He loves typical stuff for kids his age group, like video games and Transformers. He can get frustrated easily, but most of the time, he’s good at calming himself down., Things will get much better!!! He's already saying some sentences!? That's a great sign! He sounds like a fun little guy., My experience is my son is level 3, 7 years old. He was doing very well at 6. He’s regressed bad this past year. We can’t get services for him in my area unfortunately. Due to health reasons we have to stay here another year then move next year. I hope it gets better for you. Sometimes it feels helpless., You need to advocate for as many services and supports as you can. A lot of that depends where you live. I'm not sure if you're in the US, but if so... no state does this very well. We are in PA and have to pay out of pocket for ABA therapy. That is by far the most useful. Speech therapy is something you should push for as much intervention at the school as possible. They will try to give you the bare minimum. Right now everyone is claiming a massive shortage in SLP providers. Look for local groups, in person and on Facebook (pretty much the only useful feature of Facebook is private groups). Other parents in your area can give you more specific and targeted advice., 3-4 are hell years. Ours really blossomed in 1st grade., Does he need OT? Have you read up on ABA Therapy? It's not for everyone but read up on it if you haven't. What does his pediatrician recommend?, I’m sorry to hear your experience but very excited and happy to know your son is doing so well now.. my kid is mostly calm but does have temper tantrums when we are out and about because he does not like to behave out in public as I ask him to. He’s a little helper around the house and at school/ day care and everyone calls him a sweet little boy .. while all that’s going well, I’m worried about his developmental side of things, If you don’t mind sharing, what positive impacts did you see from going gluten-free? I’ve heard of dietary changes before for kiddos with autism, but haven’t heard much else., What do you think changes after 6? Because we just got diagnosed right as he turned 6 (level 1) and I need to believe it’s going to get easier!, Do you mind me asking what level was he diagnosed with?, Thank you! May be I should say he really started going since he turned 3 as the first few months were mostly a miss .. in the last year, between private hospital, home and public school .. he met with 4 to 5 speech therapists. Currently he’s attending this pre-k program ( we are in CA and they teach social skills) .. I am looking into adding a private speech therapist at home on weekends.., Yes he’s currently in Pre K/ transition school OT program. We are in touch with speech therapists but we have been hearing it takes time to develop his language skills ..Also he’s not that receptive and needs help with gestures ..he’s not hanging out with kids his age much , I think due to communication challenges I’m very hopeful it gets better with time.. thank you all, Please tell me more! We have a level 1 kindergartener and whew it’s been bumpy!, It may or may not impact private school admission..private schools in the US can refuse admittance. It sounds like introducing AAC would be good for your son. He's 4 and writing numbers - I think that familiarizing yourself with what kindergartners learn (and remember, most kids don't start until 5 or 6) will put you at ease. At this point, reading with him, writing work like he's doing, tracing and scissors work, coloring, learning his ABCs and maybe some phonics, will set him up beautifully for his school years. A lot of younger kids struggle with focus. That may or may not improve..many have comorbid ADHD, which is something to look into. Anxiety can also impact focus. Many autistic kids blossom between 4 and 7 - he sounds like he's doing great. , Less constant insanity and aggression. The all day long screaming and constant impulsivity stopped. , Not OP, but from my experience, gluten can cause inflammation. This may cause the kids to behave erratically. Also know there is gluten sensitivity, celiac disease. I have heard some kids behaviors greatly improves when inflammatory foods are removed from the diet. It’s help with my non-verbal daughter. She suffered from constipation and used to press her stomach against the sofa/mattress. When I consume some gluten, I get bloated and feel like I can’t focus. I kind of relate it to that., My oldest was diagnosed level 3 at 3, he was reevaluated at 9 and is still level 3. My youngest was diagnosed level 2 at 2, reevaluated at 5 and his diagnosis changed to level 3 ASD + GDD. Honestly, if my youngest had been diagnosed at 3, he would have also been given a level 3 DX. , Thank you for your valuable advice. While he is doing great in writing, he needs a lot of help with his speech and receptive skills, unlike his peers at daycare. We've been consistently taking him to the library every weekend and prioritizing reading to him as much as possible. I'll explore the AAC program for my son to further support his communication needs., But if he can read at grade level, how can he be level 3? To me him reading at grade level is quite incredible and a great sign, A speech pathologist can complete an AAC evaluation to determine the best system for him, write a prescription, and then it can be covered by insurance. AAC devices are great teaching tools and I highly recommend., This is where it gets tricky. When he was in school, they estimated his IQ was in the low 40s range. I don't know if I believe that. ID isn't a requirement for level 3, but it's more likely. He is minimally speaking and relies mostly on AAC. He isn't conversational and probably couldn't help himself in an emergency. But honestly, there are a lot of level 3 children who can read and write. Carly Fleischmann no longer uploads, but her YouTube channel is a great example of what a level 3 autistic person can be like. , I have multiple level 3 children. Before 6, it's the hell years, imo. My oldest was always eloping, smearing poop, running 24/7 and breaking things. He put my credit cards into the back of the stove (I had to open it), he did once almost make it to the park and a neighbor and I chased him down. He ripped the enormous shelf off our bathroom wall. He was lucky to escape serious injury. Some part of me was relieved whenever he was sick enough to mostly be on the couch - it was the only break we had. He joined a karate class once and could never stop or focus long enough to learn. He's 9 now and has 0 behavioral problems. He reads at grade level. AAC has helped him a lot. He now tries to manage his little brother's behavior. He's potty trained. He's in a special needs dance class and has made friends. Is he typical? Oh, God no. But day to day life with him is pretty easygoing these days. We're taking him to a concert next month. My little one is getting there... Going gluten free has helped him. Hang in there. , Your child shows great potential. If there’s been little to no progress at speech therapy for 1.5 years, switch speech therapists. They vary greatly in method and competence… In our case, at first we met two therapists (at two different clinics) who weren’t helpful at all. But then we found one who was highly experienced and competent and we’ve been sticking with them since., ABA therapy also helps., He sounds like my kid at that age! He’s now 7 and reads above grade level and does math at grade level. The stuff he struggles with academically are like word problems and inferencing reading questions. He doesn’t qualify for speech or OT anymore. He’s in the autism unit half day and gen ed half day. He struggles socially and with hyperactivity, sitting still, etc. He’s honestly pretty great most of the time. He loves typical stuff for kids his age group, like video games and Transformers. He can get frustrated easily, but most of the time, he’s good at calming himself down., Things will get much better!!! He's already saying some sentences!? That's a great sign! He sounds like a fun little guy., My experience is my son is level 3, 7 years old. He was doing very well at 6. He’s regressed bad this past year. We can’t get services for him in my area unfortunately. Due to health reasons we have to stay here another year then move next year. I hope it gets better for you. Sometimes it feels helpless., You need to advocate for as many services and supports as you can. A lot of that depends where you live. I'm not sure if you're in the US, but if so... no state does this very well. We are in PA and have to pay out of pocket for ABA therapy. That is by far the most useful. Speech therapy is something you should push for as much intervention at the school as possible. They will try to give you the bare minimum. Right now everyone is claiming a massive shortage in SLP providers. Look for local groups, in person and on Facebook (pretty much the only useful feature of Facebook is private groups). Other parents in your area can give you more specific and targeted advice., 3-4 are hell years. Ours really blossomed in 1st grade., Does he need OT? Have you read up on ABA Therapy? It's not for everyone but read up on it if you haven't. What does his pediatrician recommend?, I’m sorry to hear your experience but very excited and happy to know your son is doing so well now.. my kid is mostly calm but does have temper tantrums when we are out and about because he does not like to behave out in public as I ask him to. He’s a little helper around the house and at school/ day care and everyone calls him a sweet little boy .. while all that’s going well, I’m worried about his developmental side of things, If you don’t mind sharing, what positive impacts did you see from going gluten-free? I’ve heard of dietary changes before for kiddos with autism, but haven’t heard much else., What do you think changes after 6? Because we just got diagnosed right as he turned 6 (level 1) and I need to believe it’s going to get easier!, Do you mind me asking what level was he diagnosed with?, Thank you! May be I should say he really started going since he turned 3 as the first few months were mostly a miss .. in the last year, between private hospital, home and public school .. he met with 4 to 5 speech therapists. Currently he’s attending this pre-k program ( we are in CA and they teach social skills) .. I am looking into adding a private speech therapist at home on weekends.., Yes he’s currently in Pre K/ transition school OT program. We are in touch with speech therapists but we have been hearing it takes time to develop his language skills ..Also he’s not that receptive and needs help with gestures ..he’s not hanging out with kids his age much , I think due to communication challenges I’m very hopeful it gets better with time.. thank you all, Please tell me more! We have a level 1 kindergartener and whew it’s been bumpy!, It may or may not impact private school admission..private schools in the US can refuse admittance. It sounds like introducing AAC would be good for your son. He's 4 and writing numbers - I think that familiarizing yourself with what kindergartners learn (and remember, most kids don't start until 5 or 6) will put you at ease. At this point, reading with him, writing work like he's doing, tracing and scissors work, coloring, learning his ABCs and maybe some phonics, will set him up beautifully for his school years. A lot of younger kids struggle with focus. That may or may not improve..many have comorbid ADHD, which is something to look into. Anxiety can also impact focus. Many autistic kids blossom between 4 and 7 - he sounds like he's doing great. , Less constant insanity and aggression. The all day long screaming and constant impulsivity stopped. , Not OP, but from my experience, gluten can cause inflammation. This may cause the kids to behave erratically. Also know there is gluten sensitivity, celiac disease. I have heard some kids behaviors greatly improves when inflammatory foods are removed from the diet. It’s help with my non-verbal daughter. She suffered from constipation and used to press her stomach against the sofa/mattress. When I consume some gluten, I get bloated and feel like I can’t focus. I kind of relate it to that., My oldest was diagnosed level 3 at 3, he was reevaluated at 9 and is still level 3. My youngest was diagnosed level 2 at 2, reevaluated at 5 and his diagnosis changed to level 3 ASD + GDD. Honestly, if my youngest had been diagnosed at 3, he would have also been given a level 3 DX. , Thank you for your valuable advice. While he is doing great in writing, he needs a lot of help with his speech and receptive skills, unlike his peers at daycare. We've been consistently taking him to the library every weekend and prioritizing reading to him as much as possible. I'll explore the AAC program for my son to further support his communication needs., But if he can read at grade level, how can he be level 3? To me him reading at grade level is quite incredible and a great sign, A speech pathologist can complete an AAC evaluation to determine the best system for him, write a prescription, and then it can be covered by insurance. AAC devices are great teaching tools and I highly recommend., This is where it gets tricky. When he was in school, they estimated his IQ was in the low 40s range. I don't know if I believe that. ID isn't a requirement for level 3, but it's more likely. He is minimally speaking and relies mostly on AAC. He isn't conversational and probably couldn't help himself in an emergency. But honestly, there are a lot of level 3 children who can read and write. Carly Fleischmann no longer uploads, but her YouTube channel is a great example of what a level 3 autistic person can be like. , I have multiple level 3 children. Before 6, it's the hell years, imo. My oldest was always eloping, smearing poop, running 24/7 and breaking things. He put my credit cards into the back of the stove (I had to open it), he did once almost make it to the park and a neighbor and I chased him down. He ripped the enormous shelf off our bathroom wall. He was lucky to escape serious injury. Some part of me was relieved whenever he was sick enough to mostly be on the couch - it was the only break we had. He joined a karate class once and could never stop or focus long enough to learn. He's 9 now and has 0 behavioral problems. He reads at grade level. AAC has helped him a lot. He now tries to manage his little brother's behavior. He's potty trained. He's in a special needs dance class and has made friends. Is he typical? Oh, God no. But day to day life with him is pretty easygoing these days. We're taking him to a concert next month. My little one is getting there... Going gluten free has helped him. Hang in there. , Your child shows great potential. If there’s been little to no progress at speech therapy for 1.5 years, switch speech therapists. They vary greatly in method and competence… In our case, at first we met two therapists (at two different clinics) who weren’t helpful at all. But then we found one who was highly experienced and competent and we’ve been sticking with them since., ABA therapy also helps., He sounds like my kid at that age! He’s now 7 and reads above grade level and does math at grade level. The stuff he struggles with academically are like word problems and inferencing reading questions. He doesn’t qualify for speech or OT anymore. He’s in the autism unit half day and gen ed half day. He struggles socially and with hyperactivity, sitting still, etc. He’s honestly pretty great most of the time. He loves typical stuff for kids his age group, like video games and Transformers. He can get frustrated easily, but most of the time, he’s good at calming himself down., Things will get much better!!! He's already saying some sentences!? That's a great sign! He sounds like a fun little guy., My experience is my son is level 3, 7 years old. He was doing very well at 6. He’s regressed bad this past year. We can’t get services for him in my area unfortunately. Due to health reasons we have to stay here another year then move next year. I hope it gets better for you. Sometimes it feels helpless., You need to advocate for as many services and supports as you can. A lot of that depends where you live. I'm not sure if you're in the US, but if so... no state does this very well. We are in PA and have to pay out of pocket for ABA therapy. That is by far the most useful. Speech therapy is something you should push for as much intervention at the school as possible. They will try to give you the bare minimum. Right now everyone is claiming a massive shortage in SLP providers. Look for local groups, in person and on Facebook (pretty much the only useful feature of Facebook is private groups). Other parents in your area can give you more specific and targeted advice., 3-4 are hell years. Ours really blossomed in 1st grade., Does he need OT? Have you read up on ABA Therapy? It's not for everyone but read up on it if you haven't. What does his pediatrician recommend?, I’m sorry to hear your experience but very excited and happy to know your son is doing so well now.. my kid is mostly calm but does have temper tantrums when we are out and about because he does not like to behave out in public as I ask him to. He’s a little helper around the house and at school/ day care and everyone calls him a sweet little boy .. while all that’s going well, I’m worried about his developmental side of things, If you don’t mind sharing, what positive impacts did you see from going gluten-free? I’ve heard of dietary changes before for kiddos with autism, but haven’t heard much else., What do you think changes after 6? Because we just got diagnosed right as he turned 6 (level 1) and I need to believe it’s going to get easier!, Do you mind me asking what level was he diagnosed with?, Thank you! May be I should say he really started going since he turned 3 as the first few months were mostly a miss .. in the last year, between private hospital, home and public school .. he met with 4 to 5 speech therapists. Currently he’s attending this pre-k program ( we are in CA and they teach social skills) .. I am looking into adding a private speech therapist at home on weekends.., Yes he’s currently in Pre K/ transition school OT program. We are in touch with speech therapists but we have been hearing it takes time to develop his language skills ..Also he’s not that receptive and needs help with gestures ..he’s not hanging out with kids his age much , I think due to communication challenges I’m very hopeful it gets better with time.. thank you all, Please tell me more! We have a level 1 kindergartener and whew it’s been bumpy!, It may or may not impact private school admission..private schools in the US can refuse admittance. It sounds like introducing AAC would be good for your son. He's 4 and writing numbers - I think that familiarizing yourself with what kindergartners learn (and remember, most kids don't start until 5 or 6) will put you at ease. At this point, reading with him, writing work like he's doing, tracing and scissors work, coloring, learning his ABCs and maybe some phonics, will set him up beautifully for his school years. A lot of younger kids struggle with focus. That may or may not improve..many have comorbid ADHD, which is something to look into. Anxiety can also impact focus. Many autistic kids blossom between 4 and 7 - he sounds like he's doing great. , Less constant insanity and aggression. The all day long screaming and constant impulsivity stopped. , Not OP, but from my experience, gluten can cause inflammation. This may cause the kids to behave erratically. Also know there is gluten sensitivity, celiac disease. I have heard some kids behaviors greatly improves when inflammatory foods are removed from the diet. It’s help with my non-verbal daughter. She suffered from constipation and used to press her stomach against the sofa/mattress. When I consume some gluten, I get bloated and feel like I can’t focus. I kind of relate it to that., My oldest was diagnosed level 3 at 3, he was reevaluated at 9 and is still level 3. My youngest was diagnosed level 2 at 2, reevaluated at 5 and his diagnosis changed to level 3 ASD + GDD. Honestly, if my youngest had been diagnosed at 3, he would have also been given a level 3 DX. , Thank you for your valuable advice. While he is doing great in writing, he needs a lot of help with his speech and receptive skills, unlike his peers at daycare. We've been consistently taking him to the library every weekend and prioritizing reading to him as much as possible. I'll explore the AAC program for my son to further support his communication needs., But if he can read at grade level, how can he be level 3? To me him reading at grade level is quite incredible and a great sign, A speech pathologist can complete an AAC evaluation to determine the best system for him, write a prescription, and then it can be covered by insurance. AAC devices are great teaching tools and I highly recommend., This is where it gets tricky. When he was in school, they estimated his IQ was in the low 40s range. I don't know if I believe that. ID isn't a requirement for level 3, but it's more likely. He is minimally speaking and relies mostly on AAC. He isn't conversational and probably couldn't help himself in an emergency. But honestly, there are a lot of level 3 children who can read and write. Carly Fleischmann no longer uploads, but her YouTube channel is a great example of what a level 3 autistic person can be like. , I have multiple level 3 children. Before 6, it's the hell years, imo. My oldest was always eloping, smearing poop, running 24/7 and breaking things. He put my credit cards into the back of the stove (I had to open it), he did once almost make it to the park and a neighbor and I chased him down. He ripped the enormous shelf off our bathroom wall. He was lucky to escape serious injury. Some part of me was relieved whenever he was sick enough to mostly be on the couch - it was the only break we had. He joined a karate class once and could never stop or focus long enough to learn. He's 9 now and has 0 behavioral problems. He reads at grade level. AAC has helped him a lot. He now tries to manage his little brother's behavior. He's potty trained. He's in a special needs dance class and has made friends. Is he typical? Oh, God no. But day to day life with him is pretty easygoing these days. We're taking him to a concert next month. My little one is getting there... Going gluten free has helped him. Hang in there. , Your child shows great potential. If there’s been little to no progress at speech therapy for 1.5 years, switch speech therapists. They vary greatly in method and competence… In our case, at first we met two therapists (at two different clinics) who weren’t helpful at all. But then we found one who was highly experienced and competent and we’ve been sticking with them since., ABA therapy also helps., He sounds like my kid at that age! He’s now 7 and reads above grade level and does math at grade level. The stuff he struggles with academically are like word problems and inferencing reading questions. He doesn’t qualify for speech or OT anymore. He’s in the autism unit half day and gen ed half day. He struggles socially and with hyperactivity, sitting still, etc. He’s honestly pretty great most of the time. He loves typical stuff for kids his age group, like video games and Transformers. He can get frustrated easily, but most of the time, he’s good at calming himself down., Things will get much better!!! He's already saying some sentences!? That's a great sign! He sounds like a fun little guy., My experience is my son is level 3, 7 years old. He was doing very well at 6. He’s regressed bad this past year. We can’t get services for him in my area unfortunately. Due to health reasons we have to stay here another year then move next year. I hope it gets better for you. Sometimes it feels helpless., You need to advocate for as many services and supports as you can. A lot of that depends where you live. I'm not sure if you're in the US, but if so... no state does this very well. We are in PA and have to pay out of pocket for ABA therapy. That is by far the most useful. Speech therapy is something you should push for as much intervention at the school as possible. They will try to give you the bare minimum. Right now everyone is claiming a massive shortage in SLP providers. Look for local groups, in person and on Facebook (pretty much the only useful feature of Facebook is private groups). Other parents in your area can give you more specific and targeted advice., 3-4 are hell years. Ours really blossomed in 1st grade., Does he need OT? Have you read up on ABA Therapy? It's not for everyone but read up on it if you haven't. What does his pediatrician recommend?, I’m sorry to hear your experience but very excited and happy to know your son is doing so well now.. my kid is mostly calm but does have temper tantrums when we are out and about because he does not like to behave out in public as I ask him to. He’s a little helper around the house and at school/ day care and everyone calls him a sweet little boy .. while all that’s going well, I’m worried about his developmental side of things, If you don’t mind sharing, what positive impacts did you see from going gluten-free? I’ve heard of dietary changes before for kiddos with autism, but haven’t heard much else., What do you think changes after 6? Because we just got diagnosed right as he turned 6 (level 1) and I need to believe it’s going to get easier!, Do you mind me asking what level was he diagnosed with?, Thank you! May be I should say he really started going since he turned 3 as the first few months were mostly a miss .. in the last year, between private hospital, home and public school .. he met with 4 to 5 speech therapists. Currently he’s attending this pre-k program ( we are in CA and they teach social skills) .. I am looking into adding a private speech therapist at home on weekends.., Yes he’s currently in Pre K/ transition school OT program. We are in touch with speech therapists but we have been hearing it takes time to develop his language skills ..Also he’s not that receptive and needs help with gestures ..he’s not hanging out with kids his age much , I think due to communication challenges I’m very hopeful it gets better with time.. thank you all, Please tell me more! We have a level 1 kindergartener and whew it’s been bumpy!, It may or may not impact private school admission..private schools in the US can refuse admittance. It sounds like introducing AAC would be good for your son. He's 4 and writing numbers - I think that familiarizing yourself with what kindergartners learn (and remember, most kids don't start until 5 or 6) will put you at ease. At this point, reading with him, writing work like he's doing, tracing and scissors work, coloring, learning his ABCs and maybe some phonics, will set him up beautifully for his school years. A lot of younger kids struggle with focus. That may or may not improve..many have comorbid ADHD, which is something to look into. Anxiety can also impact focus. Many autistic kids blossom between 4 and 7 - he sounds like he's doing great. , Less constant insanity and aggression. The all day long screaming and constant impulsivity stopped. , Not OP, but from my experience, gluten can cause inflammation. This may cause the kids to behave erratically. Also know there is gluten sensitivity, celiac disease. I have heard some kids behaviors greatly improves when inflammatory foods are removed from the diet. It’s help with my non-verbal daughter. She suffered from constipation and used to press her stomach against the sofa/mattress. When I consume some gluten, I get bloated and feel like I can’t focus. I kind of relate it to that., My oldest was diagnosed level 3 at 3, he was reevaluated at 9 and is still level 3. My youngest was diagnosed level 2 at 2, reevaluated at 5 and his diagnosis changed to level 3 ASD + GDD. Honestly, if my youngest had been diagnosed at 3, he would have also been given a level 3 DX. , Thank you for your valuable advice. While he is doing great in writing, he needs a lot of help with his speech and receptive skills, unlike his peers at daycare. We've been consistently taking him to the library every weekend and prioritizing reading to him as much as possible. I'll explore the AAC program for my son to further support his communication needs., But if he can read at grade level, how can he be level 3? To me him reading at grade level is quite incredible and a great sign, A speech pathologist can complete an AAC evaluation to determine the best system for him, write a prescription, and then it can be covered by insurance. AAC devices are great teaching tools and I highly recommend., This is where it gets tricky. When he was in school, they estimated his IQ was in the low 40s range. I don't know if I believe that. ID isn't a requirement for level 3, but it's more likely. He is minimally speaking and relies mostly on AAC. He isn't conversational and probably couldn't help himself in an emergency. But honestly, there are a lot of level 3 children who can read and write. Carly Fleischmann no longer uploads, but her YouTube channel is a great example of what a level 3 autistic person can be like.
Pls, pls help! How do I assist my 5yr old lvl 2 ASD at pre-primary	My son is diagnosed lvl 2 ASD. He is verbal and my observation is that he is intelligent. He is overwhelmed by noise, lots of people (unless in a playground or involved in something he enjoys), behavioral expectations in the classroom, social rules, touch, taste and texture. He also has rigid thinking. At home, his mum and I scaffold everything and help make it as supportive, safe, accepting and loving as possible. He loved kindy as it was all play based and he had an EA the whole time who was probably also ND and was able to empathise with how he was feeling and how to assist him. He started pre-primary this term. It is mainstream and he hates it. He refuses to go and comes home completely disregulated. He has started hitting, biting, kicking and general aggression as a response to anything that he finds challenging since starting. This is obviously a result of his distress. I can understand why he feels that way as the classroom environment is intense. Mostly because the teachers we have had are very rigid with rules and sharp in their manner. We have been proactive in trying to educate teachers or provide suggestions but it's often the complete opposite of how they manage their classrooms and hasn't been received well. We have moved schools last week as the first school was actively teaching him to mask and treating him like a NT child. They seemed to follow what I call the "Fit In or Fuck Off" model. The new school has so far been much more aligned with managing his mental wellbeing and very proactive in wanting to help him but he still hates it. My observations are that the reasons he doesn't like it are: - He doesn't know the kids and is anxious about it. - He feels left out due to not knowing anyone. - The teacher is still sharp tongued and rigid with rules (but not applying them to him yet). - Sensory overload (noise, lots of people). - Feeling anxious due to the many different expectations and social situations. - He doesn't like doing anything that isn't fun and won't do it (this may be incorrect and it's actually that he doesn't know how to do things and so won't try without understanding the steps. I think this may be where mainstream education could fall apart. The differences in perception/thought and lack of ASD specific teaching material). He isn't involved in any of the class activities yet, he builds duplo in the corner while the rest of the class does activities. His mum and I take turns in being there to get him used to the school while also feeling safe and we take him home at lunch time. I want to help him with the transition and also to make the most of mainstream education but I have no experience in what to expect beyond the past experiences I have with him. Please help by either sharing your experiences, suggestions or answering the questions below. Were you able to thrive in mainstream education? If so, what assisted you in doing so? If you didn't, what would you have wanted to assist you? Also did any of you go to ASD specific schools, was that a good experience and did you learn enough to do well in an NT world? Thanking you in advance.	Where are you located? I am in the US, and we have specific federal laws regarding special education services and disability accommodations in public school. My son sounds similar to your son- age 6, level 2, no intellectual disability, lots of sensory stuff. My son has an IEP- an individualized educational plan. It is through federal laws and what is in the document is enforceable. His IEP includes 50% of his time is spent in a general education classroom with an additional adult to help him stay focused and on task and meet whatever needs he may have. 50% of his time is spent in 'pull out services'. He gets speech therapy, occupational therapy, small group time working on emotions and social skills, and tutoring sessions for anything he is struggling with or missed out on in his gen ed class. He wears headphones all day at school to dampen the sound. He has access to weighted vests and weighted lap mats, figit toys, chewy toys. My son ignores other kids- he always has. He connects with adults. We hope in time he will develop relationships with other kids but what helps him is to have adult connections. My son also doesn't feel motivated to do things he doesn't want to do. The teachers are working so hard to find ways to reward him and motivate him. They will resort to giving gummy bears for rewards, but we want to move away from food motivations. They are creating a Task Completion Card where he earns pictures of his favorite things to put on the card after completing a task. They also have a spinner that he can spin and open the landed upon section and there will be a small reward in it. Around halfway through the school year, my son has developed much more anxiety. It's been really hard and after much hand-wringing, we have decided to try zoloft. He is only a week into the medication, so we don't see a change yet., Where are you located? I am in the US, and we have specific federal laws regarding special education services and disability accommodations in public school. My son sounds similar to your son- age 6, level 2, no intellectual disability, lots of sensory stuff. My son has an IEP- an individualized educational plan. It is through federal laws and what is in the document is enforceable. His IEP includes 50% of his time is spent in a general education classroom with an additional adult to help him stay focused and on task and meet whatever needs he may have. 50% of his time is spent in 'pull out services'. He gets speech therapy, occupational therapy, small group time working on emotions and social skills, and tutoring sessions for anything he is struggling with or missed out on in his gen ed class. He wears headphones all day at school to dampen the sound. He has access to weighted vests and weighted lap mats, figit toys, chewy toys. My son ignores other kids- he always has. He connects with adults. We hope in time he will develop relationships with other kids but what helps him is to have adult connections. My son also doesn't feel motivated to do things he doesn't want to do. The teachers are working so hard to find ways to reward him and motivate him. They will resort to giving gummy bears for rewards, but we want to move away from food motivations. They are creating a Task Completion Card where he earns pictures of his favorite things to put on the card after completing a task. They also have a spinner that he can spin and open the landed upon section and there will be a small reward in it. Around halfway through the school year, my son has developed much more anxiety. It's been really hard and after much hand-wringing, we have decided to try zoloft. He is only a week into the medication, so we don't see a change yet., Where are you located? I am in the US, and we have specific federal laws regarding special education services and disability accommodations in public school. My son sounds similar to your son- age 6, level 2, no intellectual disability, lots of sensory stuff. My son has an IEP- an individualized educational plan. It is through federal laws and what is in the document is enforceable. His IEP includes 50% of his time is spent in a general education classroom with an additional adult to help him stay focused and on task and meet whatever needs he may have. 50% of his time is spent in 'pull out services'. He gets speech therapy, occupational therapy, small group time working on emotions and social skills, and tutoring sessions for anything he is struggling with or missed out on in his gen ed class. He wears headphones all day at school to dampen the sound. He has access to weighted vests and weighted lap mats, figit toys, chewy toys. My son ignores other kids- he always has. He connects with adults. We hope in time he will develop relationships with other kids but what helps him is to have adult connections. My son also doesn't feel motivated to do things he doesn't want to do. The teachers are working so hard to find ways to reward him and motivate him. They will resort to giving gummy bears for rewards, but we want to move away from food motivations. They are creating a Task Completion Card where he earns pictures of his favorite things to put on the card after completing a task. They also have a spinner that he can spin and open the landed upon section and there will be a small reward in it. Around halfway through the school year, my son has developed much more anxiety. It's been really hard and after much hand-wringing, we have decided to try zoloft. He is only a week into the medication, so we don't see a change yet., Where are you located? I am in the US, and we have specific federal laws regarding special education services and disability accommodations in public school. My son sounds similar to your son- age 6, level 2, no intellectual disability, lots of sensory stuff. My son has an IEP- an individualized educational plan. It is through federal laws and what is in the document is enforceable. His IEP includes 50% of his time is spent in a general education classroom with an additional adult to help him stay focused and on task and meet whatever needs he may have. 50% of his time is spent in 'pull out services'. He gets speech therapy, occupational therapy, small group time working on emotions and social skills, and tutoring sessions for anything he is struggling with or missed out on in his gen ed class. He wears headphones all day at school to dampen the sound. He has access to weighted vests and weighted lap mats, figit toys, chewy toys. My son ignores other kids- he always has. He connects with adults. We hope in time he will develop relationships with other kids but what helps him is to have adult connections. My son also doesn't feel motivated to do things he doesn't want to do. The teachers are working so hard to find ways to reward him and motivate him. They will resort to giving gummy bears for rewards, but we want to move away from food motivations. They are creating a Task Completion Card where he earns pictures of his favorite things to put on the card after completing a task. They also have a spinner that he can spin and open the landed upon section and there will be a small reward in it. Around halfway through the school year, my son has developed much more anxiety. It's been really hard and after much hand-wringing, we have decided to try zoloft. He is only a week into the medication, so we don't see a change yet.
Positive stories only please. How did OT and ABA help your child?	Getting our diagnosis next week. My daughter is 4 yrs old and already started OT. Hopefully she’ll start ABA soon too. I assume she’ll be level 1 possibly even level 2. I have an infant and a 2 year old so my life is already complete chaos. I just need some reassurance that things will improve for her with the right therapy	If you search this sub for people at their breaking points and desperate, those people usually have kids between 3-5 years old. Age and time alone will help your family and your daughter. Add therapy on top of that, and you will get farther faster. That was my experience. My son is 6.5 now and between ages 4 and 6.5, his receptive language has gone from him understanding maybe 40% to age appropriate. His ability to communicate has grown 1000% at least. He can now tell us if he is sick or hurt. He can use yes/no (which is really hard for the way he uses and learns language. It sounds basic but is not for him!). He is starting to be able to tell us about his day. We have conversations that sound and look different than with an NT kid, but who cares!? [This article](https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/dec/03/how-disney-gave-voice-to-a-boy-with-autism) always gives me hope when things are tough., https://www.reddit.com/r/Autism_Parenting/comments/193jy0d/every_day_i_wake_up_hoping_my_toddler_will_be/ I posted an example just yesterday of what early intervention/ aba did for us early in my child's development. They helped develop eye contact, social skills like turn taking, some basic language skills, and also helped us as parents to understand how to use a behavioral approach to teach new concepts. Aba gets a bad rap sometimes because new parents have high expectations and bad experiences. The truth is there's not enough talented aba professionals to cover the need. You might get fantastic providers for your kid and your neighbor might have someone who is doing this as their second job and is inexperienced. The services (at least in the US) are often paid for by insurance or the school system and demand is greater than supply so there's not much leverage except to ask to change people or find a new provider altogether. But there are a lot of good ones. And you can learn a lot on your own by searching for aba on YouTube etc. Good luck - it's a very different parenting experience but it can be a tremendously rewarding one too. , We’ve been doing zoom ABA since August and we absolutely love it. It’s been very helpful for us to learn the skills to teach him as much as I’d love for it to be in person I’m glad that we at least have SOMETHING. My mom’s friend has an adult son with very severe autism and basically told my mom we need to stop our ABA through our health provider because it’s a waste of time…I was shocked by that…I understand they’re trying to be helpful but it’s been working for my family…why would I stop something that’s helping us just because it might not have helped them. I’ve noticed a big change in him since we’ve started, and it’s been a positive changes, My ABA BT works in home and also goes to daycare with my kiddo. They sent me the best report this week! We had a long convo about not sending him to daycare or school with his AAC and for the first time, kiddo fully participated in art time with paint, hugged one of the girls in the group, and instigated a trip to the potty, the second time he used it and was so proud! (We aren’t there at home without the ABA!) A year ago, he was non-speaking, wouldn’t interact with anyone, and wouldn’t welcome touch with anyone except me and his dad. ABA after two years has made a world of difference., I can't really comment on ABA since my kid never had it, but OT helped them develop a lot of sensory awareness, improved their alexithymia, and helped them de-mask a bit., I can't say enough about how wonderful OT is! All of the OTs who have worked with my daughter have been absolute rockstars, completely unfazed by anything, always willing to roll with wherever she's at that day. If she's burnt out after school and flopping down outside the door crying, the therapist will rush out to greet us and help figure out what she needs to feel regulated, happy to adjust on the fly. It's been huge for helping figure out her sensory needs and how to meet them. Like a lot of kids, she's a mix of sensory seeking and sensory avoidant, so it can be hard to parse what she needs. It's helped with so many activities of daily living, like learning to dress herself, washing her hands, and also the fine motor activities that I really don't have the expertise to teach her, like cutting and gluing. And OT has really given me a better understanding of her overall development. Because of their education, they've noticed so many things that I wasn't aware of, like that she had trouble crossing midline as a toddler and that she actually uses a modified pincer grasp, etc. For the longest time, I didn't realize that she was avoiding a lot of fine motor stuff because it was actually difficult for her, not just that she didn't want to, if that makes sense. So yeah, OT has been absolutely amazing for my daughter!, [deleted], Thank you for this!! We are very nearly 4 and starting to see a tiny light at the end of this tunnel, but my sister’s experience with my nephew was quite similar. By age 6, he was a completely different child! Hoping for my son to progress similarly, So much this. 3-4 was nightmare fuel for our family., This is true. Mom of an autistic 5 year old and autistic 8 year old. Both were nightmares at 3 to 4. My 5 still is, but it's starting to improve a little. Both of mine have been helped by OT and speech., Thank you! I can’t wait to start ABA. I’m so happy to know that OT is a game changer too! 2-4 have been soooooooo challenging. Especially because for the first 3 years I didn’t understand what was going on with her. She spoke so early and my family would tell me she was a genius. She was so engaging with kids and adults. Then when the meltdowns and tantrums started, that’s when it seems the regressing started too. She’s so controlling and rigid. It’s unbearable and I feel bad for my 2 other kids. It’s amazing to me that she’s highly verbal but I’m only now starting to notice that she doesn’t always understand me. And a lot of the time I don’t understand what she’s saying., Thank you!!!!, Any help with noise sensitivity??, Amazing thank you !!, Thank you. Your comment is so inspiring. Your son is clearly thriving and that’s amazing!
Possible Late Regression or Speech Delay?	Hello, my 27 month old has recently started to decrease in things he once did and its prompting me to wonder if he is on the spectrum or just traits of his speech delay? Can someone please give advice on the below? Typically developing, with speech delay but has over 100 words and puts small sentences together. - haven’t seen him clap since 23 months - haven’t seen him dance since 25 months - started to at 25 months stomp when excited, I wouldn’t say he flaps but his arms get a little crazy. All of which he never did prior. - more repetition in play, will roll cars under the table over and over but done within 5 minutes and goes to the next toy. - spins occasionally but never excessively, always in play and started around 25 months -walks with hands at his side bent at Elbow. How newer walkers do (18-24 months?) but just hasn’t lowered them yet (not “trex” hands) they’re out at the side and wrist are up. Positives -Answer yes or no, who or what, and says good to how questions -waits to take his turn -knows his colors and scribbles/uses chalk -leans on me to put on pants, puts hands up for shirts, lifts feet up for socks, takes off his own socks -Knows simple commands (get the toy and let me see) ( get toys and to to the bath) (come here) (let’s go outside) (let’s play basketball) etc -loves getting a haircut/brushing teeth -Kicks ball, goes up stairs, good motor skills -Mimics( if I pretend to drink from a cup then he will) -always looking for me or my praise when he does something -Waves bye, high 5s, and points to things he wants while asking me for it -social smiles - sleeps/eats/ transition great - helps read favorite books -enjoys multiple shows and toys (plays functionally), -will show me things/ pretend to feed me - knows the difference between brush your teeth/brush mamas teeth -knows his name and age Does this sound like potential regressive autism? Or am over analyzing the skills he’s put to the back burner? He’s never lost any communication and only progressed with it.	I’m not sure if it sounds like regressive autism to me since it’s just the clapping and dancing that’s stopped and not things like speech, motor skills, or social skills and communication. Has anyone else (daycare workers, ped etc) suggested he get an assessment? How are his social skills with his peers?, He is very clingy to my husband and I. Has good eye contact. But he is pretty anti social with kids his age. He does follow my other children around the house if they play chase or his and seek. Even if they just dump blocks out he comes to play but in daycare is more to himself but great with the teachers., I’m not sure if it sounds like regressive autism to me since it’s just the clapping and dancing that’s stopped and not things like speech, motor skills, or social skills and communication. Has anyone else (daycare workers, ped etc) suggested he get an assessment? How are his social skills with his peers?, He is very clingy to my husband and I. Has good eye contact. But he is pretty anti social with kids his age. He does follow my other children around the house if they play chase or his and seek. Even if they just dump blocks out he comes to play but in daycare is more to himself but great with the teachers., I’m not sure if it sounds like regressive autism to me since it’s just the clapping and dancing that’s stopped and not things like speech, motor skills, or social skills and communication. Has anyone else (daycare workers, ped etc) suggested he get an assessment? How are his social skills with his peers?, He is very clingy to my husband and I. Has good eye contact. But he is pretty anti social with kids his age. He does follow my other children around the house if they play chase or his and seek. Even if they just dump blocks out he comes to play but in daycare is more to himself but great with the teachers., I’m not sure if it sounds like regressive autism to me since it’s just the clapping and dancing that’s stopped and not things like speech, motor skills, or social skills and communication. Has anyone else (daycare workers, ped etc) suggested he get an assessment? How are his social skills with his peers?, He is very clingy to my husband and I. Has good eye contact. But he is pretty anti social with kids his age. He does follow my other children around the house if they play chase or his and seek. Even if they just dump blocks out he comes to play but in daycare is more to himself but great with the teachers.
Possible autism	Hi all. Recently my concerns for autism have become heightening for my 11 month old. 3 weeks ago EI completed an assessment and stated he did not qualify for services. So baby boy doesn’t babble. He started to at 8 months, stopped for 2 weeks, started again now has been silent for 2 weeks again. He will scream and squeal when excited but nothing other than that. He doesn’t use any gestures. I’ve been trying clapping and waving FOR WEEKS and he won’t do it. He will however give a high five. The past few days he has stopped responding to his name. Before he would respond a large amount of the time, but now nothing. And yes his ears were checked and his hearing is great. He is extremely active, starting to walk. Not sure if how he plays with toys is an issue but he always flips them upside down and “inspects” them. And he loves to push toys along with him when he crawls (or any object) I’m frustrated because he didn’t qualify for EI and he clearly is quite delayed in communication. I understand EI rules for acceptance. I’m wondering if anyone has been in this spot and what the best next steps are? Should I give him a month or 2? Or contact a private company? In my gut I know there’s something bigger at play than a small speech delay.	Where are you located? Have you given him the MCHAT assessment yet? Congratulations on being so on the ball with your kid’s support needs. 1.) Listen to your gut. I was shut down so many times around this age but in the end, I was right. Keep fighting for your kid. 2.) Start speech and OT now if you can. Even without a diagnosis. The sessions will likely be the same with or without a formal diagnosis. 3.) Keep track of these concerns over time. I just used the MCHAT every 3-6 months until his formal assessment. 4.) Remember when you get discouraged that a lot of growth can happen in a short period of time. My kid changed drastically from 2 to 2.5 years old. That’s when he started therapies. So keep advocating for them, and remain hopeful at their potential! It can be really scary in the beginning., My kiddo didn't qualify until 18 months, so out may just be to early. TBH the speech therapists that came to our house didn't really help him much, but they gave me a lot of support and ideas. The thing that got him talking was going to school at 3 yo once he aged out of ECI. You're doing a good job and our babies will develop on their own schedule. Keep talking to b your pediatrician about your concerns. I was kind of blown off until he failed the MCHAT pretty bad, then I got referrals., I don't think he's "clearly delayed" in communication. He started babbling at 8months. There could be a number of reasons he's not been doing it that you've noticed for a couple weeks, maybe an illness? Can you get a second opinion from your Early Intervention team? Otherwise just keep on keeping track of his milestones., Early intervention said my son didn’t qualify for services at 11 months old. He eventually qualified at 15 months. Pediatrician said there weren’t any concerns. Keep pushing. My son was eventually diagnosed with level 3 autism at 23 months. I pushed, but in hindsight I wish I pushed harder. He probably could have been diagnosed at 18 months. I recommend getting on waiting lists for developmental pediatricians and seeking a private psychologist for an evaluation., Thank you so much for the response. I haven’t given him the MCHAT (I thought he was too young?) Do you recommend trying to see a developmental pediatrician? I’ve heard some good but some say it’s useless. Did you just seek out private speech/OT? Not sure how that process works., Thank you so much! Yes I think I will reach out to early intervention again after a few months., No medical issues and hearing was checked this week and he passed. I was told babbling then stopping is a red flag and sign of regression (early intervention agreed) that’s the concern there. So he scores below average on communication but that’s not low enough to qualify for EI apparently., Thank you! I will do that., Also we’re in North Carolina, While losing skills and regression is a concerning sign. Regression in autism is usually seen between 15 and 20 months, most meet their milestones up until that point. That's why I think it's a bit early and you should keep an eye on it. You said it's only been for the last couple weeks and EI cleared him 3 weeks ago and said he didn't qualify for services. And I said that's not clearly a sign of speech delay because your kid does sporadically babble. Mine didn't till 3.5yrs old at all. Early delays in speech especially before 1 aren't always clear. Probably why autism isn't diagnosed before 1 yr old too. Your child's 1 yr wellness child check up should be in 1 month, go over his developmental milestones again with his pediatrician at his next appointment. And like I said, hopefully he's just been feeling off because of an illness and not something more. I'm surprised you got into EI before 1 also. That's pretty impressive. 🤞 everything will be alright. Edit to add, you can ask the pediatrician to send out a referral for a speech evaluation as well. That's how my son finally got into speech therapy., In NC, you can go through your regular pediatrician to get a referral to early intervention. They will subsidize therapies should you need it. Then after age 3, they age into the school system who takes over the program. You’ll absolutely want the early intervention program to administer an autism assessment. It is free. The school system only assesses for academic needs, and it’s not as useful., If you make enough money, you can do private therapies. But the early intervention therapists come to your house!, OP did EI and they found that their 11month old doesn't qualify for services., Where are you located? Have you given him the MCHAT assessment yet? Congratulations on being so on the ball with your kid’s support needs. 1.) Listen to your gut. I was shut down so many times around this age but in the end, I was right. Keep fighting for your kid. 2.) Start speech and OT now if you can. Even without a diagnosis. The sessions will likely be the same with or without a formal diagnosis. 3.) Keep track of these concerns over time. I just used the MCHAT every 3-6 months until his formal assessment. 4.) Remember when you get discouraged that a lot of growth can happen in a short period of time. My kid changed drastically from 2 to 2.5 years old. That’s when he started therapies. So keep advocating for them, and remain hopeful at their potential! It can be really scary in the beginning., My kiddo didn't qualify until 18 months, so out may just be to early. TBH the speech therapists that came to our house didn't really help him much, but they gave me a lot of support and ideas. The thing that got him talking was going to school at 3 yo once he aged out of ECI. You're doing a good job and our babies will develop on their own schedule. Keep talking to b your pediatrician about your concerns. I was kind of blown off until he failed the MCHAT pretty bad, then I got referrals., I don't think he's "clearly delayed" in communication. He started babbling at 8months. There could be a number of reasons he's not been doing it that you've noticed for a couple weeks, maybe an illness? Can you get a second opinion from your Early Intervention team? Otherwise just keep on keeping track of his milestones., Early intervention said my son didn’t qualify for services at 11 months old. He eventually qualified at 15 months. Pediatrician said there weren’t any concerns. Keep pushing. My son was eventually diagnosed with level 3 autism at 23 months. I pushed, but in hindsight I wish I pushed harder. He probably could have been diagnosed at 18 months. I recommend getting on waiting lists for developmental pediatricians and seeking a private psychologist for an evaluation., Thank you so much for the response. I haven’t given him the MCHAT (I thought he was too young?) Do you recommend trying to see a developmental pediatrician? I’ve heard some good but some say it’s useless. Did you just seek out private speech/OT? Not sure how that process works., Thank you so much! Yes I think I will reach out to early intervention again after a few months., No medical issues and hearing was checked this week and he passed. I was told babbling then stopping is a red flag and sign of regression (early intervention agreed) that’s the concern there. So he scores below average on communication but that’s not low enough to qualify for EI apparently., Thank you! I will do that., Also we’re in North Carolina, While losing skills and regression is a concerning sign. Regression in autism is usually seen between 15 and 20 months, most meet their milestones up until that point. That's why I think it's a bit early and you should keep an eye on it. You said it's only been for the last couple weeks and EI cleared him 3 weeks ago and said he didn't qualify for services. And I said that's not clearly a sign of speech delay because your kid does sporadically babble. Mine didn't till 3.5yrs old at all. Early delays in speech especially before 1 aren't always clear. Probably why autism isn't diagnosed before 1 yr old too. Your child's 1 yr wellness child check up should be in 1 month, go over his developmental milestones again with his pediatrician at his next appointment. And like I said, hopefully he's just been feeling off because of an illness and not something more. I'm surprised you got into EI before 1 also. That's pretty impressive. 🤞 everything will be alright. Edit to add, you can ask the pediatrician to send out a referral for a speech evaluation as well. That's how my son finally got into speech therapy., In NC, you can go through your regular pediatrician to get a referral to early intervention. They will subsidize therapies should you need it. Then after age 3, they age into the school system who takes over the program. You’ll absolutely want the early intervention program to administer an autism assessment. It is free. The school system only assesses for academic needs, and it’s not as useful., If you make enough money, you can do private therapies. But the early intervention therapists come to your house!, OP did EI and they found that their 11month old doesn't qualify for services., Where are you located? Have you given him the MCHAT assessment yet? Congratulations on being so on the ball with your kid’s support needs. 1.) Listen to your gut. I was shut down so many times around this age but in the end, I was right. Keep fighting for your kid. 2.) Start speech and OT now if you can. Even without a diagnosis. The sessions will likely be the same with or without a formal diagnosis. 3.) Keep track of these concerns over time. I just used the MCHAT every 3-6 months until his formal assessment. 4.) Remember when you get discouraged that a lot of growth can happen in a short period of time. My kid changed drastically from 2 to 2.5 years old. That’s when he started therapies. So keep advocating for them, and remain hopeful at their potential! It can be really scary in the beginning., My kiddo didn't qualify until 18 months, so out may just be to early. TBH the speech therapists that came to our house didn't really help him much, but they gave me a lot of support and ideas. The thing that got him talking was going to school at 3 yo once he aged out of ECI. You're doing a good job and our babies will develop on their own schedule. Keep talking to b your pediatrician about your concerns. I was kind of blown off until he failed the MCHAT pretty bad, then I got referrals., I don't think he's "clearly delayed" in communication. He started babbling at 8months. There could be a number of reasons he's not been doing it that you've noticed for a couple weeks, maybe an illness? Can you get a second opinion from your Early Intervention team? Otherwise just keep on keeping track of his milestones., Early intervention said my son didn’t qualify for services at 11 months old. He eventually qualified at 15 months. Pediatrician said there weren’t any concerns. Keep pushing. My son was eventually diagnosed with level 3 autism at 23 months. I pushed, but in hindsight I wish I pushed harder. He probably could have been diagnosed at 18 months. I recommend getting on waiting lists for developmental pediatricians and seeking a private psychologist for an evaluation., Thank you so much for the response. I haven’t given him the MCHAT (I thought he was too young?) Do you recommend trying to see a developmental pediatrician? I’ve heard some good but some say it’s useless. Did you just seek out private speech/OT? Not sure how that process works., Thank you so much! Yes I think I will reach out to early intervention again after a few months., No medical issues and hearing was checked this week and he passed. I was told babbling then stopping is a red flag and sign of regression (early intervention agreed) that’s the concern there. So he scores below average on communication but that’s not low enough to qualify for EI apparently., Thank you! I will do that., Also we’re in North Carolina, While losing skills and regression is a concerning sign. Regression in autism is usually seen between 15 and 20 months, most meet their milestones up until that point. That's why I think it's a bit early and you should keep an eye on it. You said it's only been for the last couple weeks and EI cleared him 3 weeks ago and said he didn't qualify for services. And I said that's not clearly a sign of speech delay because your kid does sporadically babble. Mine didn't till 3.5yrs old at all. Early delays in speech especially before 1 aren't always clear. Probably why autism isn't diagnosed before 1 yr old too. Your child's 1 yr wellness child check up should be in 1 month, go over his developmental milestones again with his pediatrician at his next appointment. And like I said, hopefully he's just been feeling off because of an illness and not something more. I'm surprised you got into EI before 1 also. That's pretty impressive. 🤞 everything will be alright. Edit to add, you can ask the pediatrician to send out a referral for a speech evaluation as well. That's how my son finally got into speech therapy., In NC, you can go through your regular pediatrician to get a referral to early intervention. They will subsidize therapies should you need it. Then after age 3, they age into the school system who takes over the program. You’ll absolutely want the early intervention program to administer an autism assessment. It is free. The school system only assesses for academic needs, and it’s not as useful., If you make enough money, you can do private therapies. But the early intervention therapists come to your house!, OP did EI and they found that their 11month old doesn't qualify for services., Where are you located? Have you given him the MCHAT assessment yet? Congratulations on being so on the ball with your kid’s support needs. 1.) Listen to your gut. I was shut down so many times around this age but in the end, I was right. Keep fighting for your kid. 2.) Start speech and OT now if you can. Even without a diagnosis. The sessions will likely be the same with or without a formal diagnosis. 3.) Keep track of these concerns over time. I just used the MCHAT every 3-6 months until his formal assessment. 4.) Remember when you get discouraged that a lot of growth can happen in a short period of time. My kid changed drastically from 2 to 2.5 years old. That’s when he started therapies. So keep advocating for them, and remain hopeful at their potential! It can be really scary in the beginning., My kiddo didn't qualify until 18 months, so out may just be to early. TBH the speech therapists that came to our house didn't really help him much, but they gave me a lot of support and ideas. The thing that got him talking was going to school at 3 yo once he aged out of ECI. You're doing a good job and our babies will develop on their own schedule. Keep talking to b your pediatrician about your concerns. I was kind of blown off until he failed the MCHAT pretty bad, then I got referrals., I don't think he's "clearly delayed" in communication. He started babbling at 8months. There could be a number of reasons he's not been doing it that you've noticed for a couple weeks, maybe an illness? Can you get a second opinion from your Early Intervention team? Otherwise just keep on keeping track of his milestones., Early intervention said my son didn’t qualify for services at 11 months old. He eventually qualified at 15 months. Pediatrician said there weren’t any concerns. Keep pushing. My son was eventually diagnosed with level 3 autism at 23 months. I pushed, but in hindsight I wish I pushed harder. He probably could have been diagnosed at 18 months. I recommend getting on waiting lists for developmental pediatricians and seeking a private psychologist for an evaluation., Thank you so much for the response. I haven’t given him the MCHAT (I thought he was too young?) Do you recommend trying to see a developmental pediatrician? I’ve heard some good but some say it’s useless. Did you just seek out private speech/OT? Not sure how that process works., Thank you so much! Yes I think I will reach out to early intervention again after a few months., No medical issues and hearing was checked this week and he passed. I was told babbling then stopping is a red flag and sign of regression (early intervention agreed) that’s the concern there. So he scores below average on communication but that’s not low enough to qualify for EI apparently., Thank you! I will do that., Also we’re in North Carolina, While losing skills and regression is a concerning sign. Regression in autism is usually seen between 15 and 20 months, most meet their milestones up until that point. That's why I think it's a bit early and you should keep an eye on it. You said it's only been for the last couple weeks and EI cleared him 3 weeks ago and said he didn't qualify for services. And I said that's not clearly a sign of speech delay because your kid does sporadically babble. Mine didn't till 3.5yrs old at all. Early delays in speech especially before 1 aren't always clear. Probably why autism isn't diagnosed before 1 yr old too. Your child's 1 yr wellness child check up should be in 1 month, go over his developmental milestones again with his pediatrician at his next appointment. And like I said, hopefully he's just been feeling off because of an illness and not something more. I'm surprised you got into EI before 1 also. That's pretty impressive. 🤞 everything will be alright. Edit to add, you can ask the pediatrician to send out a referral for a speech evaluation as well. That's how my son finally got into speech therapy., In NC, you can go through your regular pediatrician to get a referral to early intervention. They will subsidize therapies should you need it. Then after age 3, they age into the school system who takes over the program. You’ll absolutely want the early intervention program to administer an autism assessment. It is free. The school system only assesses for academic needs, and it’s not as useful., If you make enough money, you can do private therapies. But the early intervention therapists come to your house!, OP did EI and they found that their 11month old doesn't qualify for services., Where are you located? Have you given him the MCHAT assessment yet? Congratulations on being so on the ball with your kid’s support needs. 1.) Listen to your gut. I was shut down so many times around this age but in the end, I was right. Keep fighting for your kid. 2.) Start speech and OT now if you can. Even without a diagnosis. The sessions will likely be the same with or without a formal diagnosis. 3.) Keep track of these concerns over time. I just used the MCHAT every 3-6 months until his formal assessment. 4.) Remember when you get discouraged that a lot of growth can happen in a short period of time. My kid changed drastically from 2 to 2.5 years old. That’s when he started therapies. So keep advocating for them, and remain hopeful at their potential! It can be really scary in the beginning., My kiddo didn't qualify until 18 months, so out may just be to early. TBH the speech therapists that came to our house didn't really help him much, but they gave me a lot of support and ideas. The thing that got him talking was going to school at 3 yo once he aged out of ECI. You're doing a good job and our babies will develop on their own schedule. Keep talking to b your pediatrician about your concerns. I was kind of blown off until he failed the MCHAT pretty bad, then I got referrals., I don't think he's "clearly delayed" in communication. He started babbling at 8months. There could be a number of reasons he's not been doing it that you've noticed for a couple weeks, maybe an illness? Can you get a second opinion from your Early Intervention team? Otherwise just keep on keeping track of his milestones., Early intervention said my son didn’t qualify for services at 11 months old. He eventually qualified at 15 months. Pediatrician said there weren’t any concerns. Keep pushing. My son was eventually diagnosed with level 3 autism at 23 months. I pushed, but in hindsight I wish I pushed harder. He probably could have been diagnosed at 18 months. I recommend getting on waiting lists for developmental pediatricians and seeking a private psychologist for an evaluation., Thank you so much for the response. I haven’t given him the MCHAT (I thought he was too young?) Do you recommend trying to see a developmental pediatrician? I’ve heard some good but some say it’s useless. Did you just seek out private speech/OT? Not sure how that process works., Thank you so much! Yes I think I will reach out to early intervention again after a few months., No medical issues and hearing was checked this week and he passed. I was told babbling then stopping is a red flag and sign of regression (early intervention agreed) that’s the concern there. So he scores below average on communication but that’s not low enough to qualify for EI apparently., Thank you! I will do that., Also we’re in North Carolina, While losing skills and regression is a concerning sign. Regression in autism is usually seen between 15 and 20 months, most meet their milestones up until that point. That's why I think it's a bit early and you should keep an eye on it. You said it's only been for the last couple weeks and EI cleared him 3 weeks ago and said he didn't qualify for services. And I said that's not clearly a sign of speech delay because your kid does sporadically babble. Mine didn't till 3.5yrs old at all. Early delays in speech especially before 1 aren't always clear. Probably why autism isn't diagnosed before 1 yr old too. Your child's 1 yr wellness child check up should be in 1 month, go over his developmental milestones again with his pediatrician at his next appointment. And like I said, hopefully he's just been feeling off because of an illness and not something more. I'm surprised you got into EI before 1 also. That's pretty impressive. 🤞 everything will be alright. Edit to add, you can ask the pediatrician to send out a referral for a speech evaluation as well. That's how my son finally got into speech therapy., In NC, you can go through your regular pediatrician to get a referral to early intervention. They will subsidize therapies should you need it. Then after age 3, they age into the school system who takes over the program. You’ll absolutely want the early intervention program to administer an autism assessment. It is free. The school system only assesses for academic needs, and it’s not as useful., If you make enough money, you can do private therapies. But the early intervention therapists come to your house!, OP did EI and they found that their 11month old doesn't qualify for services., Where are you located? Have you given him the MCHAT assessment yet? Congratulations on being so on the ball with your kid’s support needs. 1.) Listen to your gut. I was shut down so many times around this age but in the end, I was right. Keep fighting for your kid. 2.) Start speech and OT now if you can. Even without a diagnosis. The sessions will likely be the same with or without a formal diagnosis. 3.) Keep track of these concerns over time. I just used the MCHAT every 3-6 months until his formal assessment. 4.) Remember when you get discouraged that a lot of growth can happen in a short period of time. My kid changed drastically from 2 to 2.5 years old. That’s when he started therapies. So keep advocating for them, and remain hopeful at their potential! It can be really scary in the beginning., My kiddo didn't qualify until 18 months, so out may just be to early. TBH the speech therapists that came to our house didn't really help him much, but they gave me a lot of support and ideas. The thing that got him talking was going to school at 3 yo once he aged out of ECI. You're doing a good job and our babies will develop on their own schedule. Keep talking to b your pediatrician about your concerns. I was kind of blown off until he failed the MCHAT pretty bad, then I got referrals., I don't think he's "clearly delayed" in communication. He started babbling at 8months. There could be a number of reasons he's not been doing it that you've noticed for a couple weeks, maybe an illness? Can you get a second opinion from your Early Intervention team? Otherwise just keep on keeping track of his milestones., Early intervention said my son didn’t qualify for services at 11 months old. He eventually qualified at 15 months. Pediatrician said there weren’t any concerns. Keep pushing. My son was eventually diagnosed with level 3 autism at 23 months. I pushed, but in hindsight I wish I pushed harder. He probably could have been diagnosed at 18 months. I recommend getting on waiting lists for developmental pediatricians and seeking a private psychologist for an evaluation., Thank you so much for the response. I haven’t given him the MCHAT (I thought he was too young?) Do you recommend trying to see a developmental pediatrician? I’ve heard some good but some say it’s useless. Did you just seek out private speech/OT? Not sure how that process works., Thank you so much! Yes I think I will reach out to early intervention again after a few months., No medical issues and hearing was checked this week and he passed. I was told babbling then stopping is a red flag and sign of regression (early intervention agreed) that’s the concern there. So he scores below average on communication but that’s not low enough to qualify for EI apparently., Thank you! I will do that., Also we’re in North Carolina, While losing skills and regression is a concerning sign. Regression in autism is usually seen between 15 and 20 months, most meet their milestones up until that point. That's why I think it's a bit early and you should keep an eye on it. You said it's only been for the last couple weeks and EI cleared him 3 weeks ago and said he didn't qualify for services. And I said that's not clearly a sign of speech delay because your kid does sporadically babble. Mine didn't till 3.5yrs old at all. Early delays in speech especially before 1 aren't always clear. Probably why autism isn't diagnosed before 1 yr old too. Your child's 1 yr wellness child check up should be in 1 month, go over his developmental milestones again with his pediatrician at his next appointment. And like I said, hopefully he's just been feeling off because of an illness and not something more. I'm surprised you got into EI before 1 also. That's pretty impressive. 🤞 everything will be alright. Edit to add, you can ask the pediatrician to send out a referral for a speech evaluation as well. That's how my son finally got into speech therapy., In NC, you can go through your regular pediatrician to get a referral to early intervention. They will subsidize therapies should you need it. Then after age 3, they age into the school system who takes over the program. You’ll absolutely want the early intervention program to administer an autism assessment. It is free. The school system only assesses for academic needs, and it’s not as useful., If you make enough money, you can do private therapies. But the early intervention therapists come to your house!, OP did EI and they found that their 11month old doesn't qualify for services., Where are you located? Have you given him the MCHAT assessment yet? Congratulations on being so on the ball with your kid’s support needs. 1.) Listen to your gut. I was shut down so many times around this age but in the end, I was right. Keep fighting for your kid. 2.) Start speech and OT now if you can. Even without a diagnosis. The sessions will likely be the same with or without a formal diagnosis. 3.) Keep track of these concerns over time. I just used the MCHAT every 3-6 months until his formal assessment. 4.) Remember when you get discouraged that a lot of growth can happen in a short period of time. My kid changed drastically from 2 to 2.5 years old. That’s when he started therapies. So keep advocating for them, and remain hopeful at their potential! It can be really scary in the beginning., My kiddo didn't qualify until 18 months, so out may just be to early. TBH the speech therapists that came to our house didn't really help him much, but they gave me a lot of support and ideas. The thing that got him talking was going to school at 3 yo once he aged out of ECI. You're doing a good job and our babies will develop on their own schedule. Keep talking to b your pediatrician about your concerns. I was kind of blown off until he failed the MCHAT pretty bad, then I got referrals., I don't think he's "clearly delayed" in communication. He started babbling at 8months. There could be a number of reasons he's not been doing it that you've noticed for a couple weeks, maybe an illness? Can you get a second opinion from your Early Intervention team? Otherwise just keep on keeping track of his milestones., Early intervention said my son didn’t qualify for services at 11 months old. He eventually qualified at 15 months. Pediatrician said there weren’t any concerns. Keep pushing. My son was eventually diagnosed with level 3 autism at 23 months. I pushed, but in hindsight I wish I pushed harder. He probably could have been diagnosed at 18 months. I recommend getting on waiting lists for developmental pediatricians and seeking a private psychologist for an evaluation., Thank you so much for the response. I haven’t given him the MCHAT (I thought he was too young?) Do you recommend trying to see a developmental pediatrician? I’ve heard some good but some say it’s useless. Did you just seek out private speech/OT? Not sure how that process works., Thank you so much! Yes I think I will reach out to early intervention again after a few months., No medical issues and hearing was checked this week and he passed. I was told babbling then stopping is a red flag and sign of regression (early intervention agreed) that’s the concern there. So he scores below average on communication but that’s not low enough to qualify for EI apparently., Thank you! I will do that., Also we’re in North Carolina, While losing skills and regression is a concerning sign. Regression in autism is usually seen between 15 and 20 months, most meet their milestones up until that point. That's why I think it's a bit early and you should keep an eye on it. You said it's only been for the last couple weeks and EI cleared him 3 weeks ago and said he didn't qualify for services. And I said that's not clearly a sign of speech delay because your kid does sporadically babble. Mine didn't till 3.5yrs old at all. Early delays in speech especially before 1 aren't always clear. Probably why autism isn't diagnosed before 1 yr old too. Your child's 1 yr wellness child check up should be in 1 month, go over his developmental milestones again with his pediatrician at his next appointment. And like I said, hopefully he's just been feeling off because of an illness and not something more. I'm surprised you got into EI before 1 also. That's pretty impressive. 🤞 everything will be alright. Edit to add, you can ask the pediatrician to send out a referral for a speech evaluation as well. That's how my son finally got into speech therapy., In NC, you can go through your regular pediatrician to get a referral to early intervention. They will subsidize therapies should you need it. Then after age 3, they age into the school system who takes over the program. You’ll absolutely want the early intervention program to administer an autism assessment. It is free. The school system only assesses for academic needs, and it’s not as useful., If you make enough money, you can do private therapies. But the early intervention therapists come to your house!, OP did EI and they found that their 11month old doesn't qualify for services., Where are you located? Have you given him the MCHAT assessment yet? Congratulations on being so on the ball with your kid’s support needs. 1.) Listen to your gut. I was shut down so many times around this age but in the end, I was right. Keep fighting for your kid. 2.) Start speech and OT now if you can. Even without a diagnosis. The sessions will likely be the same with or without a formal diagnosis. 3.) Keep track of these concerns over time. I just used the MCHAT every 3-6 months until his formal assessment. 4.) Remember when you get discouraged that a lot of growth can happen in a short period of time. My kid changed drastically from 2 to 2.5 years old. That’s when he started therapies. So keep advocating for them, and remain hopeful at their potential! It can be really scary in the beginning., My kiddo didn't qualify until 18 months, so out may just be to early. TBH the speech therapists that came to our house didn't really help him much, but they gave me a lot of support and ideas. The thing that got him talking was going to school at 3 yo once he aged out of ECI. You're doing a good job and our babies will develop on their own schedule. Keep talking to b your pediatrician about your concerns. I was kind of blown off until he failed the MCHAT pretty bad, then I got referrals., I don't think he's "clearly delayed" in communication. He started babbling at 8months. There could be a number of reasons he's not been doing it that you've noticed for a couple weeks, maybe an illness? Can you get a second opinion from your Early Intervention team? Otherwise just keep on keeping track of his milestones., Early intervention said my son didn’t qualify for services at 11 months old. He eventually qualified at 15 months. Pediatrician said there weren’t any concerns. Keep pushing. My son was eventually diagnosed with level 3 autism at 23 months. I pushed, but in hindsight I wish I pushed harder. He probably could have been diagnosed at 18 months. I recommend getting on waiting lists for developmental pediatricians and seeking a private psychologist for an evaluation., Thank you so much for the response. I haven’t given him the MCHAT (I thought he was too young?) Do you recommend trying to see a developmental pediatrician? I’ve heard some good but some say it’s useless. Did you just seek out private speech/OT? Not sure how that process works., Thank you so much! Yes I think I will reach out to early intervention again after a few months., No medical issues and hearing was checked this week and he passed. I was told babbling then stopping is a red flag and sign of regression (early intervention agreed) that’s the concern there. So he scores below average on communication but that’s not low enough to qualify for EI apparently., Thank you! I will do that., Also we’re in North Carolina, While losing skills and regression is a concerning sign. Regression in autism is usually seen between 15 and 20 months, most meet their milestones up until that point. That's why I think it's a bit early and you should keep an eye on it. You said it's only been for the last couple weeks and EI cleared him 3 weeks ago and said he didn't qualify for services. And I said that's not clearly a sign of speech delay because your kid does sporadically babble. Mine didn't till 3.5yrs old at all. Early delays in speech especially before 1 aren't always clear. Probably why autism isn't diagnosed before 1 yr old too. Your child's 1 yr wellness child check up should be in 1 month, go over his developmental milestones again with his pediatrician at his next appointment. And like I said, hopefully he's just been feeling off because of an illness and not something more. I'm surprised you got into EI before 1 also. That's pretty impressive. 🤞 everything will be alright. Edit to add, you can ask the pediatrician to send out a referral for a speech evaluation as well. That's how my son finally got into speech therapy., In NC, you can go through your regular pediatrician to get a referral to early intervention. They will subsidize therapies should you need it. Then after age 3, they age into the school system who takes over the program. You’ll absolutely want the early intervention program to administer an autism assessment. It is free. The school system only assesses for academic needs, and it’s not as useful., If you make enough money, you can do private therapies. But the early intervention therapists come to your house!, OP did EI and they found that their 11month old doesn't qualify for services., Where are you located? Have you given him the MCHAT assessment yet? Congratulations on being so on the ball with your kid’s support needs. 1.) Listen to your gut. I was shut down so many times around this age but in the end, I was right. Keep fighting for your kid. 2.) Start speech and OT now if you can. Even without a diagnosis. The sessions will likely be the same with or without a formal diagnosis. 3.) Keep track of these concerns over time. I just used the MCHAT every 3-6 months until his formal assessment. 4.) Remember when you get discouraged that a lot of growth can happen in a short period of time. My kid changed drastically from 2 to 2.5 years old. That’s when he started therapies. So keep advocating for them, and remain hopeful at their potential! It can be really scary in the beginning., My kiddo didn't qualify until 18 months, so out may just be to early. TBH the speech therapists that came to our house didn't really help him much, but they gave me a lot of support and ideas. The thing that got him talking was going to school at 3 yo once he aged out of ECI. You're doing a good job and our babies will develop on their own schedule. Keep talking to b your pediatrician about your concerns. I was kind of blown off until he failed the MCHAT pretty bad, then I got referrals., I don't think he's "clearly delayed" in communication. He started babbling at 8months. There could be a number of reasons he's not been doing it that you've noticed for a couple weeks, maybe an illness? Can you get a second opinion from your Early Intervention team? Otherwise just keep on keeping track of his milestones., Early intervention said my son didn’t qualify for services at 11 months old. He eventually qualified at 15 months. Pediatrician said there weren’t any concerns. Keep pushing. My son was eventually diagnosed with level 3 autism at 23 months. I pushed, but in hindsight I wish I pushed harder. He probably could have been diagnosed at 18 months. I recommend getting on waiting lists for developmental pediatricians and seeking a private psychologist for an evaluation., Thank you so much for the response. I haven’t given him the MCHAT (I thought he was too young?) Do you recommend trying to see a developmental pediatrician? I’ve heard some good but some say it’s useless. Did you just seek out private speech/OT? Not sure how that process works., Thank you so much! Yes I think I will reach out to early intervention again after a few months., No medical issues and hearing was checked this week and he passed. I was told babbling then stopping is a red flag and sign of regression (early intervention agreed) that’s the concern there. So he scores below average on communication but that’s not low enough to qualify for EI apparently., Thank you! I will do that., Also we’re in North Carolina, While losing skills and regression is a concerning sign. Regression in autism is usually seen between 15 and 20 months, most meet their milestones up until that point. That's why I think it's a bit early and you should keep an eye on it. You said it's only been for the last couple weeks and EI cleared him 3 weeks ago and said he didn't qualify for services. And I said that's not clearly a sign of speech delay because your kid does sporadically babble. Mine didn't till 3.5yrs old at all. Early delays in speech especially before 1 aren't always clear. Probably why autism isn't diagnosed before 1 yr old too. Your child's 1 yr wellness child check up should be in 1 month, go over his developmental milestones again with his pediatrician at his next appointment. And like I said, hopefully he's just been feeling off because of an illness and not something more. I'm surprised you got into EI before 1 also. That's pretty impressive. 🤞 everything will be alright. Edit to add, you can ask the pediatrician to send out a referral for a speech evaluation as well. That's how my son finally got into speech therapy., In NC, you can go through your regular pediatrician to get a referral to early intervention. They will subsidize therapies should you need it. Then after age 3, they age into the school system who takes over the program. You’ll absolutely want the early intervention program to administer an autism assessment. It is free. The school system only assesses for academic needs, and it’s not as useful., If you make enough money, you can do private therapies. But the early intervention therapists come to your house!, OP did EI and they found that their 11month old doesn't qualify for services.
Post Secondary Plans	I'm (16) my autistic brother's (22) sibling and I know this is a subreddit for parents, but I think my issue applies to parenting. This is my brother's last school year and my mother is having difficulty in finding programs for him. She knows little English and she isn't good with technology so she can't really use the Internet for help, and my dad (who does know how to use tech) doesn't care enough. I honestly don't know what to do because I am not well informed of this either, and I feel guilty for not doing anything about it earlier. Any suggestions?	If your brother has higher support needs and needs something like a day program, I’ve provided some ideas below. If he’s able to volunteer or work even, there are programs for that and usually his school would help advise there. A google search for day programs for adults with disabilities is a place to start. If that doesn’t work, your brother’s school should be able to provide some guidance on local programs or community or local government resources that you can also look at. Easter Seals has locations all over the US, so that may also be a good resource to check out., If your brother has higher support needs and needs something like a day program, I’ve provided some ideas below. If he’s able to volunteer or work even, there are programs for that and usually his school would help advise there. A google search for day programs for adults with disabilities is a place to start. If that doesn’t work, your brother’s school should be able to provide some guidance on local programs or community or local government resources that you can also look at. Easter Seals has locations all over the US, so that may also be a good resource to check out., If your brother has higher support needs and needs something like a day program, I’ve provided some ideas below. If he’s able to volunteer or work even, there are programs for that and usually his school would help advise there. A google search for day programs for adults with disabilities is a place to start. If that doesn’t work, your brother’s school should be able to provide some guidance on local programs or community or local government resources that you can also look at. Easter Seals has locations all over the US, so that may also be a good resource to check out., If your brother has higher support needs and needs something like a day program, I’ve provided some ideas below. If he’s able to volunteer or work even, there are programs for that and usually his school would help advise there. A google search for day programs for adults with disabilities is a place to start. If that doesn’t work, your brother’s school should be able to provide some guidance on local programs or community or local government resources that you can also look at. Easter Seals has locations all over the US, so that may also be a good resource to check out.
Potty Training	When do you know it’s time to potty train? My son just turned 3 he is non verbal. He pulls my hand to the changing nge station when he wants to get changed. Or he stands over there and waits for us to acknowledge that he is there. I have been debating a static button near the bathroom/changing station that says bathroom or potty to tell us. I don’t think he is fully ready but I want to try soon. My husband is unemployed currently so we both can tackle the issue right now. We can switch between diapers and pull ups with ease now, it was a tantrum meltdown before. So I expect the transition is be a challenge at first, but will be fine after the first initial few times.	My child basically self trained at 2 before he was talking. We had bought a plastic toilet on a whim and put it in the bathroom and he just started using it. He dragged us to the bathroom for almost a year. Now he can pull his pants up and down and go all alone. (Although oddly he still is mostly unable to dress and undress.) My theory is that he really hated dirty diapers because he had had very few accidents after we switched and those that did occur resulted in massive meltdowns. So, my advice is try it. He sounds ready. And if he’s not, you can always go back. (FWIW, we still use diapers at night.), does he have any siblings? my kids cant speak but he follows his younger siblings , so when his younger siblings started to potty training he became potty trained too, Your wee one will do it at his own pace! Your son is still a baby. Far to much pressure on parents to have kids doing this or that. Just let him be! He will get there. Be patient, I have a 9month old, ask him to go with you when youre about to potty, he could follow you, My child basically self trained at 2 before he was talking. We had bought a plastic toilet on a whim and put it in the bathroom and he just started using it. He dragged us to the bathroom for almost a year. Now he can pull his pants up and down and go all alone. (Although oddly he still is mostly unable to dress and undress.) My theory is that he really hated dirty diapers because he had had very few accidents after we switched and those that did occur resulted in massive meltdowns. So, my advice is try it. He sounds ready. And if he’s not, you can always go back. (FWIW, we still use diapers at night.), does he have any siblings? my kids cant speak but he follows his younger siblings , so when his younger siblings started to potty training he became potty trained too, Your wee one will do it at his own pace! Your son is still a baby. Far to much pressure on parents to have kids doing this or that. Just let him be! He will get there. Be patient, I have a 9month old, ask him to go with you when youre about to potty, he could follow you, My child basically self trained at 2 before he was talking. We had bought a plastic toilet on a whim and put it in the bathroom and he just started using it. He dragged us to the bathroom for almost a year. Now he can pull his pants up and down and go all alone. (Although oddly he still is mostly unable to dress and undress.) My theory is that he really hated dirty diapers because he had had very few accidents after we switched and those that did occur resulted in massive meltdowns. So, my advice is try it. He sounds ready. And if he’s not, you can always go back. (FWIW, we still use diapers at night.), does he have any siblings? my kids cant speak but he follows his younger siblings , so when his younger siblings started to potty training he became potty trained too, Your wee one will do it at his own pace! Your son is still a baby. Far to much pressure on parents to have kids doing this or that. Just let him be! He will get there. Be patient, I have a 9month old, ask him to go with you when youre about to potty, he could follow you, My child basically self trained at 2 before he was talking. We had bought a plastic toilet on a whim and put it in the bathroom and he just started using it. He dragged us to the bathroom for almost a year. Now he can pull his pants up and down and go all alone. (Although oddly he still is mostly unable to dress and undress.) My theory is that he really hated dirty diapers because he had had very few accidents after we switched and those that did occur resulted in massive meltdowns. So, my advice is try it. He sounds ready. And if he’s not, you can always go back. (FWIW, we still use diapers at night.), does he have any siblings? my kids cant speak but he follows his younger siblings , so when his younger siblings started to potty training he became potty trained too, Your wee one will do it at his own pace! Your son is still a baby. Far to much pressure on parents to have kids doing this or that. Just let him be! He will get there. Be patient, I have a 9month old, ask him to go with you when youre about to potty, he could follow you
Potty Training	I’ve been in the midst of potty training my son whom is 4 for the past couple of weeks. I’ve worked out a reward based system: For being dry- you get a dumdum For using the potty-a pack of gummies and a sticker for potty chart Once potty chart is complete- big prize I’ve been bringing him every 30 minutes and he’ll use it but I’ve noticed that getting him to the bathroom is like herding cows. He will take off running in an instance the second I’ll bring the potty up. Which causes me to tell him “we can walk, run or skip to the potty” which turns to him disengaging so I tell him “we need to go to the potty, you can walk or I can help you” so then I end up picking him up and bringing him. I’ve done everything I can think of by making it fun and engaging. Playing favorites movies while letting him sit on the potty. How was potty training for your kiddos? Any advice is appreciated	We are 6 months into potty training our 4 year old. He has just started going into the bathroom on his own, and telling us that he needs to go, sometimes. Up until now we have continued to haul him into the bathroom over protest., I tried everything with my 6.5yo girl but nothing worked. Ultimately she decided one day she was done with pull ups just 2 months before her 6th birthday and that's been her ever since., Struggling. 4yo ASD level 2-3. Will use potty when dragged to it but won’t go on own nor warn. Tried prizes, schedules, moving it around, etc. Nothing is motivating doing it on her own. I’m really struggling with thisx, What an absolute win!!! That’s amazing! I’ll continue doing what I’ve been doing, hopefully we’ll also be potty trained soon 🤞🏻, We are 6 months into potty training our 4 year old. He has just started going into the bathroom on his own, and telling us that he needs to go, sometimes. Up until now we have continued to haul him into the bathroom over protest., I tried everything with my 6.5yo girl but nothing worked. Ultimately she decided one day she was done with pull ups just 2 months before her 6th birthday and that's been her ever since., Struggling. 4yo ASD level 2-3. Will use potty when dragged to it but won’t go on own nor warn. Tried prizes, schedules, moving it around, etc. Nothing is motivating doing it on her own. I’m really struggling with thisx, What an absolute win!!! That’s amazing! I’ll continue doing what I’ve been doing, hopefully we’ll also be potty trained soon 🤞🏻, We are 6 months into potty training our 4 year old. He has just started going into the bathroom on his own, and telling us that he needs to go, sometimes. Up until now we have continued to haul him into the bathroom over protest., I tried everything with my 6.5yo girl but nothing worked. Ultimately she decided one day she was done with pull ups just 2 months before her 6th birthday and that's been her ever since., Struggling. 4yo ASD level 2-3. Will use potty when dragged to it but won’t go on own nor warn. Tried prizes, schedules, moving it around, etc. Nothing is motivating doing it on her own. I’m really struggling with thisx, What an absolute win!!! That’s amazing! I’ll continue doing what I’ve been doing, hopefully we’ll also be potty trained soon 🤞🏻, We are 6 months into potty training our 4 year old. He has just started going into the bathroom on his own, and telling us that he needs to go, sometimes. Up until now we have continued to haul him into the bathroom over protest., I tried everything with my 6.5yo girl but nothing worked. Ultimately she decided one day she was done with pull ups just 2 months before her 6th birthday and that's been her ever since., Struggling. 4yo ASD level 2-3. Will use potty when dragged to it but won’t go on own nor warn. Tried prizes, schedules, moving it around, etc. Nothing is motivating doing it on her own. I’m really struggling with thisx, What an absolute win!!! That’s amazing! I’ll continue doing what I’ve been doing, hopefully we’ll also be potty trained soon 🤞🏻
Potty training	I have a 5 year old non verbal ASD child. Anyone have any tips on potty training? He now sits on the toilet for quite some time, but it’s like he is afraid to go in the toilet. I sat with him for about 20 minutes and when we stood up to wash his hands he peed all through his underwear. So I showed him and he hugged me when I went. Just any tips or ideas would be great! Thanks!	We sort of just had a schedule on when to put our kid on the potty. Once we wake up, one time during the day and then the afternoon, then before we sleep. Somewhere in between those, we ask her "do you need to potty?".. usually met with no response... Then we just notice her being dry more and more... Suddenly, she just ends up running to the toilet when she wants to potty. Both #1 and #2. Like a sudden switch she just knew she has to sit on the toilet when she has to go. Then we stopped with the diaper. She's 5. She has speech delay and probably adhd. So far she only had one accident. She just didn't make it to the toilet, she was already standing in front of it trying to take her bottoms off. We also suspect that she just holds it until she really needs to go. So we're confident when we are out of the house. She doesn't really tell us when she wants to potty., My daughter is about to be 8 and we still are having this same issue. She will sit, she just won't actually go on the potty. Her teachers and therapists told me that she will go on her own time and associate it with a sensory/comfort thing. She needs to feel she went to feel secure, something of that nature. I'm praying she gets trained soon though. Good luck!, We’re still working on this. It has been a lot of trial and error … if you have the option to work with an occupational therapist I recommend it!, We went through a bout of stool withholding with our 3 year old (UGH AWFUL) and we bought the book “I can’t I won’t no way” off of Amazon, which is basically a social story about being afraid to poop. Lots of language about being afraid to sit on the potty and feeling safer going in the diaper. The language is kind of clunky and weird so sometimes I just make up my own phrases instead haha We were just starting to approach potty training at the time, but made the decision to stop. I still think it played a role in helping my son not be afraid of pooping, and we’ll probably pull it back out again when it’s time to potty train., my son just turned 5. we're semi potty training, no pressure because I don't want to frustrate him. we've been at it for a few months now. our biggest sucess is first thing in the morning. within the first 30 mins of him waking up I seat him on the potty and he watches a potty song on YouTube. Most days, if we're going to pee on the toilet he does it in the first 5 minutes. He'll occasionally sit for longer if I let him keep YouTube going, but I let him bail with or without a pee if he's over it. the rest of the day I'll periodically check if he's dry. if so, I ask him if he wants to potty. if he goes willingly we watch the same potty song and try again. we have a lot less success throughout the day. but I love that he happily sits on the toilet. He seems like he's taking more of an interest in trying lately. I tell him "make pee go" and he'll look down at himself to watch. Doesn't always mean he'll go but seems like he's starting to connect it more. In the beginning I think any pees we got were more good timing and happened involuntarily. I really feel like he's trying now. Like last Friday he peed in the potty 3 separate times!! it was our best day so far. Hoping he keeps up the good work! good luck, We sort of just had a schedule on when to put our kid on the potty. Once we wake up, one time during the day and then the afternoon, then before we sleep. Somewhere in between those, we ask her "do you need to potty?".. usually met with no response... Then we just notice her being dry more and more... Suddenly, she just ends up running to the toilet when she wants to potty. Both #1 and #2. Like a sudden switch she just knew she has to sit on the toilet when she has to go. Then we stopped with the diaper. She's 5. She has speech delay and probably adhd. So far she only had one accident. She just didn't make it to the toilet, she was already standing in front of it trying to take her bottoms off. We also suspect that she just holds it until she really needs to go. So we're confident when we are out of the house. She doesn't really tell us when she wants to potty., My daughter is about to be 8 and we still are having this same issue. She will sit, she just won't actually go on the potty. Her teachers and therapists told me that she will go on her own time and associate it with a sensory/comfort thing. She needs to feel she went to feel secure, something of that nature. I'm praying she gets trained soon though. Good luck!, We’re still working on this. It has been a lot of trial and error … if you have the option to work with an occupational therapist I recommend it!, We went through a bout of stool withholding with our 3 year old (UGH AWFUL) and we bought the book “I can’t I won’t no way” off of Amazon, which is basically a social story about being afraid to poop. Lots of language about being afraid to sit on the potty and feeling safer going in the diaper. The language is kind of clunky and weird so sometimes I just make up my own phrases instead haha We were just starting to approach potty training at the time, but made the decision to stop. I still think it played a role in helping my son not be afraid of pooping, and we’ll probably pull it back out again when it’s time to potty train., my son just turned 5. we're semi potty training, no pressure because I don't want to frustrate him. we've been at it for a few months now. our biggest sucess is first thing in the morning. within the first 30 mins of him waking up I seat him on the potty and he watches a potty song on YouTube. Most days, if we're going to pee on the toilet he does it in the first 5 minutes. He'll occasionally sit for longer if I let him keep YouTube going, but I let him bail with or without a pee if he's over it. the rest of the day I'll periodically check if he's dry. if so, I ask him if he wants to potty. if he goes willingly we watch the same potty song and try again. we have a lot less success throughout the day. but I love that he happily sits on the toilet. He seems like he's taking more of an interest in trying lately. I tell him "make pee go" and he'll look down at himself to watch. Doesn't always mean he'll go but seems like he's starting to connect it more. In the beginning I think any pees we got were more good timing and happened involuntarily. I really feel like he's trying now. Like last Friday he peed in the potty 3 separate times!! it was our best day so far. Hoping he keeps up the good work! good luck, We sort of just had a schedule on when to put our kid on the potty. Once we wake up, one time during the day and then the afternoon, then before we sleep. Somewhere in between those, we ask her "do you need to potty?".. usually met with no response... Then we just notice her being dry more and more... Suddenly, she just ends up running to the toilet when she wants to potty. Both #1 and #2. Like a sudden switch she just knew she has to sit on the toilet when she has to go. Then we stopped with the diaper. She's 5. She has speech delay and probably adhd. So far she only had one accident. She just didn't make it to the toilet, she was already standing in front of it trying to take her bottoms off. We also suspect that she just holds it until she really needs to go. So we're confident when we are out of the house. She doesn't really tell us when she wants to potty., My daughter is about to be 8 and we still are having this same issue. She will sit, she just won't actually go on the potty. Her teachers and therapists told me that she will go on her own time and associate it with a sensory/comfort thing. She needs to feel she went to feel secure, something of that nature. I'm praying she gets trained soon though. Good luck!, We’re still working on this. It has been a lot of trial and error … if you have the option to work with an occupational therapist I recommend it!, We went through a bout of stool withholding with our 3 year old (UGH AWFUL) and we bought the book “I can’t I won’t no way” off of Amazon, which is basically a social story about being afraid to poop. Lots of language about being afraid to sit on the potty and feeling safer going in the diaper. The language is kind of clunky and weird so sometimes I just make up my own phrases instead haha We were just starting to approach potty training at the time, but made the decision to stop. I still think it played a role in helping my son not be afraid of pooping, and we’ll probably pull it back out again when it’s time to potty train., my son just turned 5. we're semi potty training, no pressure because I don't want to frustrate him. we've been at it for a few months now. our biggest sucess is first thing in the morning. within the first 30 mins of him waking up I seat him on the potty and he watches a potty song on YouTube. Most days, if we're going to pee on the toilet he does it in the first 5 minutes. He'll occasionally sit for longer if I let him keep YouTube going, but I let him bail with or without a pee if he's over it. the rest of the day I'll periodically check if he's dry. if so, I ask him if he wants to potty. if he goes willingly we watch the same potty song and try again. we have a lot less success throughout the day. but I love that he happily sits on the toilet. He seems like he's taking more of an interest in trying lately. I tell him "make pee go" and he'll look down at himself to watch. Doesn't always mean he'll go but seems like he's starting to connect it more. In the beginning I think any pees we got were more good timing and happened involuntarily. I really feel like he's trying now. Like last Friday he peed in the potty 3 separate times!! it was our best day so far. Hoping he keeps up the good work! good luck, We sort of just had a schedule on when to put our kid on the potty. Once we wake up, one time during the day and then the afternoon, then before we sleep. Somewhere in between those, we ask her "do you need to potty?".. usually met with no response... Then we just notice her being dry more and more... Suddenly, she just ends up running to the toilet when she wants to potty. Both #1 and #2. Like a sudden switch she just knew she has to sit on the toilet when she has to go. Then we stopped with the diaper. She's 5. She has speech delay and probably adhd. So far she only had one accident. She just didn't make it to the toilet, she was already standing in front of it trying to take her bottoms off. We also suspect that she just holds it until she really needs to go. So we're confident when we are out of the house. She doesn't really tell us when she wants to potty., My daughter is about to be 8 and we still are having this same issue. She will sit, she just won't actually go on the potty. Her teachers and therapists told me that she will go on her own time and associate it with a sensory/comfort thing. She needs to feel she went to feel secure, something of that nature. I'm praying she gets trained soon though. Good luck!, We’re still working on this. It has been a lot of trial and error … if you have the option to work with an occupational therapist I recommend it!, We went through a bout of stool withholding with our 3 year old (UGH AWFUL) and we bought the book “I can’t I won’t no way” off of Amazon, which is basically a social story about being afraid to poop. Lots of language about being afraid to sit on the potty and feeling safer going in the diaper. The language is kind of clunky and weird so sometimes I just make up my own phrases instead haha We were just starting to approach potty training at the time, but made the decision to stop. I still think it played a role in helping my son not be afraid of pooping, and we’ll probably pull it back out again when it’s time to potty train., my son just turned 5. we're semi potty training, no pressure because I don't want to frustrate him. we've been at it for a few months now. our biggest sucess is first thing in the morning. within the first 30 mins of him waking up I seat him on the potty and he watches a potty song on YouTube. Most days, if we're going to pee on the toilet he does it in the first 5 minutes. He'll occasionally sit for longer if I let him keep YouTube going, but I let him bail with or without a pee if he's over it. the rest of the day I'll periodically check if he's dry. if so, I ask him if he wants to potty. if he goes willingly we watch the same potty song and try again. we have a lot less success throughout the day. but I love that he happily sits on the toilet. He seems like he's taking more of an interest in trying lately. I tell him "make pee go" and he'll look down at himself to watch. Doesn't always mean he'll go but seems like he's starting to connect it more. In the beginning I think any pees we got were more good timing and happened involuntarily. I really feel like he's trying now. Like last Friday he peed in the potty 3 separate times!! it was our best day so far. Hoping he keeps up the good work! good luck
Potty training 3.5 Level 2 ASD GS	Hello- We started potty training my GS last March knowing it may take some time because of his ASD. He will sit on the potty with no issues at all for however long we ask with no issues. We read books or watch Ms Rachel so he is happy as a clam. We have done a pull-up during this year, not expecting much. We started using training pants this weekend as the next step. He will pee or poop in the underwear and doesn't seemed bothered by being wet or messy. He knows that poo is icky and goes in the potty and says bye,bye pee pee when he flushes but he just doesn't understand what pee pee is. He has watched his Dad and Papa go. I feel if he could see it come out from him and that needs to be done on the potty, he would train very quickly. He goes to an ABA center and potty training is of course one of his goals. Any suggestions?	I tried everything, but ultimately my girl wouldn't potty train til she was ready. 2 months before her 6th birthday she decided she was done with pull ups and she's been dry day and night since. I'm in the UK, we don't have levels or really do ABA here so I have no comparison there - she has functional language but isn't conversational, no intellectual disability, she's ADHD too with demand avoidant traits., Thank you!, I tried everything, but ultimately my girl wouldn't potty train til she was ready. 2 months before her 6th birthday she decided she was done with pull ups and she's been dry day and night since. I'm in the UK, we don't have levels or really do ABA here so I have no comparison there - she has functional language but isn't conversational, no intellectual disability, she's ADHD too with demand avoidant traits., Thank you!, I tried everything, but ultimately my girl wouldn't potty train til she was ready. 2 months before her 6th birthday she decided she was done with pull ups and she's been dry day and night since. I'm in the UK, we don't have levels or really do ABA here so I have no comparison there - she has functional language but isn't conversational, no intellectual disability, she's ADHD too with demand avoidant traits., Thank you!, I tried everything, but ultimately my girl wouldn't potty train til she was ready. 2 months before her 6th birthday she decided she was done with pull ups and she's been dry day and night since. I'm in the UK, we don't have levels or really do ABA here so I have no comparison there - she has functional language but isn't conversational, no intellectual disability, she's ADHD too with demand avoidant traits., Thank you!

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