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Stepmom of an Autisic 3 year old, should I have a baby?
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Hi,
So me and my husband have been together for 2 years. When we met he was fighting for custody bc of the mother withholding the child. For the past 2 years he has been fighting with her, and the courts about his developmental delay. At 18 months (before my husband finally got custody) his mother took him to the doctor and referred him to OT and ST. She never followed up on these referrals. My husband could not get medical records bc his last was not on any medical document. (HIPPA) My step son has been diagnosed developmentally delayed from 4 different doctors. His mother refuses to follow up on them, and says the doctor is wrong and her child is fine. She then moved over 600 miles away. He has not gotten care for his possible ASD since 18 months. His behavior is becoming violent. And his screams are extremely loud, I can't even explain it. He screams so loud my apple watch tells me that the volume is over 90 decibles so many times a day. He screams so loud me and his father have to take a step back for our own sanity because our ears will ring/viabrate. He throws himself around when he doesn't get what he wants. Breaks things, throws his toys, doesn't respond to the word no. His mother is pregnant now and we are going back to court to get primary custody so we can get him help. (It will not work with mom living so far away, month on month off custody, dr said virtual is not and option). My question is, should I have a baby? Like ever? I know this is not the time due to the court and him not being in any therapy. But, is having a baby even a good idea? When is the time? This was something we talked about before we got married, but as years go by, his child gets more violent, louder, and clingy, his dad leaves his eyesite, he's crying and screaming. I don't know what to do, we can't do anything therapy wise until we have court with could take, months, maybe even a year. I turn 25 this year, and when I married him neither of us knew he had a developmental delay. If we did, I wouldn't have taken the commitment to him and his child. I know my limits, respectfully and I would feel like I mentally wouldn't be able to give his child what he needs. (Not trying to be rude, but, this is something I should've known bc this is NOT a small thing.) I just, I feel like I've put my life on hold now 2 years maybe 3. Is it wrong to say I feel like I don't deserve this? What do I do? I feel like this is never going to end and his mom is just moving on having more kids and I feel like its 100% selfish for me to have a baby rn bc of how not having therapy has affected him. Any advice is helpful. I feel so stuck now, and this is not what I wanted, and this is not what I expected. We try everything, the internet is our bestfriend at this point. Please don't be mean. I already feel awful enough.
EDIT: I do not have a biological child.
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In a stable environment, with good support, your bonus kiddo will be happier and have less anxiety. Honestly, I have no answer on having another child. If you're looking for a reason to bounce, do it before your husband gets custody. I think you're worrying about a future you want, but can't picture. Your husband's #1 responsibility is his son. Life is a bumpy windy road. He has got to really put in the work with his child to give the kid a shot at a full and happy life.
I don't know if that's what you signed up for.
Let's pretend you are 100% on board. Many asd kids have siblings. I have two asd kids. Sometimes they trigger each other, but mostly they are best friends. It's a powerful thing for asd kids to be really close to some else. My boys anchor each other in a world not built for them. That is not always the case with siblings though.
My only caveat is to make sure you and your husband have the bandwidth for two kids. Time, money, and energy are commodities. Two kids makes life 10x harder., Sure. You are married and you and your partner are ready to have a kid. By the time that baby is born, your step kid will be maybe three or four (it was unclear from your post how old he is now), so will be at a different development stage. It will certainly be harder with two kids, but it always is and many folks have multiple kids, often much closer in age than this situation. And kids are great and rewarding to have and see grow up., 3yo is a terrible age even for NT children - lots of BIG feelings, tantrums, trying to do things that are impossible and getting angry when they can't, inability to let others know exactly what's wrong and how they feel. It definitely gets better with age.
However if you were my daughter/sister/friend I'd definitely advice you to step back. You are only 24, you don't have children of your own and you want to, this child is not yours biologically or legally, he is not attached to you yet. If you stay, your life might be an exciting but a really tough journey, and you may grow to resent both the boy and his father - there are already traces of that in your text (not blaming you). If you decide to stay it might make sense to wait until the kid is around 6 and has been in therapies for at least a year - his behaviour will hopefully improve and the perspectives will be more clear., If dad has/shares legal custody - by law he has to be listed on all medical paperwork, school paperwork, etc whether bio mom wants it or not. HIPAA doesn't apply to parents so as long as you can provide custody paperwork that shows he shares legal custody, they have to provide the documents to dad. Also, if there is a delay diagnosis and medical referral for services such as speech, OT, PT and the mother will not agree to services- you've a right to take her to court. Gather all of those documents so you can *at least* pursue services. It's hard for fathers to be awarded primary custody these days.
Best of luck to you. I've been in a similar situation and it's really hard. I'll tell you this....you might regret not extending your family. It'll be tough but worth it to you, your AND your little one now., I’m about ten years older than you but holy smokes we are in the same situation, This was very helpful. I just feel like its never going to get better and I worry about him being violent and no paying attention and hurt the baby. His motor skills are extremely delayed so he tends to wobble/throw himself around. My husband wants another baby, but exactly what you said is 2 is 10x harder and rn my stepson feels lile 3 kids in 1. It's so difficult sometimes and I am hoping, playing, for not only me and my husbands sake but for my poor steps son that he will get into therapy soon. I really hope we can turn things around for hom and he starts feeling more comfortable in his head., I really appreciate your support. It means so much, I know sometimes with children with ASD some days its so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. :(, Yes unfortunately when we were trying to get the medical records he was in the middle of court to get 50/50. His lawyer finally got a sepeona to get them. He got to go up there with the papers and finally changed his name on everything! We are currenty just put im a emergency order to have my step son with his since his therapy is set up here now. I really hope everything gets better, I will be so happy for him if therpay helps him. I feel like he feels so trapped., It sounds like you two are doing everything you can. You're doing the right thing. I commend you for being so supportive. It's a thankless, difficult, yet fulfilling position to be in.
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Stomach ache complaint
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My 8yo son is verbal and academically advanced. He still struggles to communicate however, especially regarding health issues. He’s been complaining of a stomach ache off and on for a little over a week. No real consistency as to when but he did make a comment today that he will def have one tomorrow cus there’s a Fortnite update. He left school early today, didn’t go last Monday, skipped 75% of his basketball game the Saturday before.
Do I take him to the drs to make sure I’m not “being played” as has been suggested? If he has anxiety and needs a mental health break that’s fine but he denies anything going on in school he’s trying to avoid. Today was his first day leaving school early due to illness, ever. He doesn’t complain much about his health unless he’s practically on his death bed.
Eating and sleeping and using the bathroom normally. Pretty normal energy levels. Bouncing around the house for stimulation as usual. It seems like it is more mental related than physical due to that and no nausea or vomiting either.
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I do wonder if there's some anxiety. Does he complain about the pains when he's at home, or is it only when it's time to go to school?
I'll admit....I chuckled about him admitting he'll have one tomorrow because there's a Fortnite update. , Always take him to the doctor. Sometimes my teens are playing me but so what? What if something is really wrong? Would you be able to to live with yourself if he was telling the truth and you ignored it? I know the guilt would eat me alive, so what's the harm in just taking him?, It could be anxiety. There doesn't have to be anything going on to cause anxiety. Anxiety exists and that makes any little thing seem like a huge problem. It sounds like he knows his triggers since he told you the fortnight update was going to cause him a stomach ache.
I was like this too as a child. I always had a stomach ache before going to school (and it really did hurt). But back then, there wasn't an inclination to think it was something that needed medication. It was the 80's so I just got to suffer through it. It manifested into panic attacks when I was a teen. Good times., I do wonder if there's some anxiety. Does he complain about the pains when he's at home, or is it only when it's time to go to school?
I'll admit....I chuckled about him admitting he'll have one tomorrow because there's a Fortnite update. , Always take him to the doctor. Sometimes my teens are playing me but so what? What if something is really wrong? Would you be able to to live with yourself if he was telling the truth and you ignored it? I know the guilt would eat me alive, so what's the harm in just taking him?, It could be anxiety. There doesn't have to be anything going on to cause anxiety. Anxiety exists and that makes any little thing seem like a huge problem. It sounds like he knows his triggers since he told you the fortnight update was going to cause him a stomach ache.
I was like this too as a child. I always had a stomach ache before going to school (and it really did hurt). But back then, there wasn't an inclination to think it was something that needed medication. It was the 80's so I just got to suffer through it. It manifested into panic attacks when I was a teen. Good times., I do wonder if there's some anxiety. Does he complain about the pains when he's at home, or is it only when it's time to go to school?
I'll admit....I chuckled about him admitting he'll have one tomorrow because there's a Fortnite update. , Always take him to the doctor. Sometimes my teens are playing me but so what? What if something is really wrong? Would you be able to to live with yourself if he was telling the truth and you ignored it? I know the guilt would eat me alive, so what's the harm in just taking him?, It could be anxiety. There doesn't have to be anything going on to cause anxiety. Anxiety exists and that makes any little thing seem like a huge problem. It sounds like he knows his triggers since he told you the fortnight update was going to cause him a stomach ache.
I was like this too as a child. I always had a stomach ache before going to school (and it really did hurt). But back then, there wasn't an inclination to think it was something that needed medication. It was the 80's so I just got to suffer through it. It manifested into panic attacks when I was a teen. Good times., I do wonder if there's some anxiety. Does he complain about the pains when he's at home, or is it only when it's time to go to school?
I'll admit....I chuckled about him admitting he'll have one tomorrow because there's a Fortnite update. , Always take him to the doctor. Sometimes my teens are playing me but so what? What if something is really wrong? Would you be able to to live with yourself if he was telling the truth and you ignored it? I know the guilt would eat me alive, so what's the harm in just taking him?, It could be anxiety. There doesn't have to be anything going on to cause anxiety. Anxiety exists and that makes any little thing seem like a huge problem. It sounds like he knows his triggers since he told you the fortnight update was going to cause him a stomach ache.
I was like this too as a child. I always had a stomach ache before going to school (and it really did hurt). But back then, there wasn't an inclination to think it was something that needed medication. It was the 80's so I just got to suffer through it. It manifested into panic attacks when I was a teen. Good times., I do wonder if there's some anxiety. Does he complain about the pains when he's at home, or is it only when it's time to go to school?
I'll admit....I chuckled about him admitting he'll have one tomorrow because there's a Fortnite update. , Always take him to the doctor. Sometimes my teens are playing me but so what? What if something is really wrong? Would you be able to to live with yourself if he was telling the truth and you ignored it? I know the guilt would eat me alive, so what's the harm in just taking him?, It could be anxiety. There doesn't have to be anything going on to cause anxiety. Anxiety exists and that makes any little thing seem like a huge problem. It sounds like he knows his triggers since he told you the fortnight update was going to cause him a stomach ache.
I was like this too as a child. I always had a stomach ache before going to school (and it really did hurt). But back then, there wasn't an inclination to think it was something that needed medication. It was the 80's so I just got to suffer through it. It manifested into panic attacks when I was a teen. Good times., I do wonder if there's some anxiety. Does he complain about the pains when he's at home, or is it only when it's time to go to school?
I'll admit....I chuckled about him admitting he'll have one tomorrow because there's a Fortnite update. , Always take him to the doctor. Sometimes my teens are playing me but so what? What if something is really wrong? Would you be able to to live with yourself if he was telling the truth and you ignored it? I know the guilt would eat me alive, so what's the harm in just taking him?, It could be anxiety. There doesn't have to be anything going on to cause anxiety. Anxiety exists and that makes any little thing seem like a huge problem. It sounds like he knows his triggers since he told you the fortnight update was going to cause him a stomach ache.
I was like this too as a child. I always had a stomach ache before going to school (and it really did hurt). But back then, there wasn't an inclination to think it was something that needed medication. It was the 80's so I just got to suffer through it. It manifested into panic attacks when I was a teen. Good times., I do wonder if there's some anxiety. Does he complain about the pains when he's at home, or is it only when it's time to go to school?
I'll admit....I chuckled about him admitting he'll have one tomorrow because there's a Fortnite update. , Always take him to the doctor. Sometimes my teens are playing me but so what? What if something is really wrong? Would you be able to to live with yourself if he was telling the truth and you ignored it? I know the guilt would eat me alive, so what's the harm in just taking him?, It could be anxiety. There doesn't have to be anything going on to cause anxiety. Anxiety exists and that makes any little thing seem like a huge problem. It sounds like he knows his triggers since he told you the fortnight update was going to cause him a stomach ache.
I was like this too as a child. I always had a stomach ache before going to school (and it really did hurt). But back then, there wasn't an inclination to think it was something that needed medication. It was the 80's so I just got to suffer through it. It manifested into panic attacks when I was a teen. Good times., I do wonder if there's some anxiety. Does he complain about the pains when he's at home, or is it only when it's time to go to school?
I'll admit....I chuckled about him admitting he'll have one tomorrow because there's a Fortnite update. , Always take him to the doctor. Sometimes my teens are playing me but so what? What if something is really wrong? Would you be able to to live with yourself if he was telling the truth and you ignored it? I know the guilt would eat me alive, so what's the harm in just taking him?, It could be anxiety. There doesn't have to be anything going on to cause anxiety. Anxiety exists and that makes any little thing seem like a huge problem. It sounds like he knows his triggers since he told you the fortnight update was going to cause him a stomach ache.
I was like this too as a child. I always had a stomach ache before going to school (and it really did hurt). But back then, there wasn't an inclination to think it was something that needed medication. It was the 80's so I just got to suffer through it. It manifested into panic attacks when I was a teen. Good times., I do wonder if there's some anxiety. Does he complain about the pains when he's at home, or is it only when it's time to go to school?
I'll admit....I chuckled about him admitting he'll have one tomorrow because there's a Fortnite update. , Always take him to the doctor. Sometimes my teens are playing me but so what? What if something is really wrong? Would you be able to to live with yourself if he was telling the truth and you ignored it? I know the guilt would eat me alive, so what's the harm in just taking him?, It could be anxiety. There doesn't have to be anything going on to cause anxiety. Anxiety exists and that makes any little thing seem like a huge problem. It sounds like he knows his triggers since he told you the fortnight update was going to cause him a stomach ache.
I was like this too as a child. I always had a stomach ache before going to school (and it really did hurt). But back then, there wasn't an inclination to think it was something that needed medication. It was the 80's so I just got to suffer through it. It manifested into panic attacks when I was a teen. Good times.
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Stroller (not a wagon) for 5yo who elopes
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We have a Veer wagon but I want to get a stroller for my 5.5yo who elopes. I don’t like taking a wagon to places like the doctor or shopping in stores so I’m looking to get a stroller with a higher height and weight limit. Honestly the more compact the better, but a jogger that folds up would be fine.
Will try to go through insurance to get one so cost isn’t a huge factor.
I’ve seen Special Tomato and MacLaren adaptive strollers mentioned but otherwise I’m pretty clueless on this front. He’d still use our regular strollers (Zoe side by side double or the GB Pockit Air) if his legs weren’t so long as he’s only 40lbs.
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Been looking myself and haven't had much luck., I use an adaptive stroller for my son. I didn't go through insurance, I just financed it. He outgrew the one we got from Variety, the Children's Charity and I wanted to go with a different style than the one they give out. I didn't want to wait for an insurance approval.
MacLaren's are really good if your kid is small enough to use them. When I worked in early intervention we had a few and they are sturdy, fold up easily and are easy to keep clean.
My boy is 18 now and I use the Convaid Metro. I also have an adaptive jogging stoller (Advanced Mobility) that we use on the beach, for easy hikes, anywhere that doesn't have paved surfaces.
If I were looking for a stroller for a 5 year old I would indeed start with a MacLaren., I have the Maclaren and we love it! It’s super light weight! There is a bottom piece where their feet sit that can be adjusted but when the stroller is folded it needs to be removed. I believe the weight limit is 100 pounds.
Now I will weigh will have to retire ours soon bc my son is looks a little too big for it but we used it today and had no issues as far as pushing it around. He’s about to be 8 and weighs 98 pounds., Mesh seat Maclaren
No canopy so it's good for height
Compact
Mesh seat is cool and dries fast
Harness not just waist clips
Just wish I could strap her legs in for now I can tip it back, We used the B.O.B. Jogging Stroller until it was stolen from our garage - my son was about 5.5 and still fit comfortably in it. You could probably get one used., Update us if you find something good!, This is helpful if the process to get a medical stroller takes a while. Thank you!, Been looking myself and haven't had much luck., I use an adaptive stroller for my son. I didn't go through insurance, I just financed it. He outgrew the one we got from Variety, the Children's Charity and I wanted to go with a different style than the one they give out. I didn't want to wait for an insurance approval.
MacLaren's are really good if your kid is small enough to use them. When I worked in early intervention we had a few and they are sturdy, fold up easily and are easy to keep clean.
My boy is 18 now and I use the Convaid Metro. I also have an adaptive jogging stoller (Advanced Mobility) that we use on the beach, for easy hikes, anywhere that doesn't have paved surfaces.
If I were looking for a stroller for a 5 year old I would indeed start with a MacLaren., I have the Maclaren and we love it! It’s super light weight! There is a bottom piece where their feet sit that can be adjusted but when the stroller is folded it needs to be removed. I believe the weight limit is 100 pounds.
Now I will weigh will have to retire ours soon bc my son is looks a little too big for it but we used it today and had no issues as far as pushing it around. He’s about to be 8 and weighs 98 pounds., Mesh seat Maclaren
No canopy so it's good for height
Compact
Mesh seat is cool and dries fast
Harness not just waist clips
Just wish I could strap her legs in for now I can tip it back, We used the B.O.B. Jogging Stroller until it was stolen from our garage - my son was about 5.5 and still fit comfortably in it. You could probably get one used., Update us if you find something good!, This is helpful if the process to get a medical stroller takes a while. Thank you!, Been looking myself and haven't had much luck., I use an adaptive stroller for my son. I didn't go through insurance, I just financed it. He outgrew the one we got from Variety, the Children's Charity and I wanted to go with a different style than the one they give out. I didn't want to wait for an insurance approval.
MacLaren's are really good if your kid is small enough to use them. When I worked in early intervention we had a few and they are sturdy, fold up easily and are easy to keep clean.
My boy is 18 now and I use the Convaid Metro. I also have an adaptive jogging stoller (Advanced Mobility) that we use on the beach, for easy hikes, anywhere that doesn't have paved surfaces.
If I were looking for a stroller for a 5 year old I would indeed start with a MacLaren., I have the Maclaren and we love it! It’s super light weight! There is a bottom piece where their feet sit that can be adjusted but when the stroller is folded it needs to be removed. I believe the weight limit is 100 pounds.
Now I will weigh will have to retire ours soon bc my son is looks a little too big for it but we used it today and had no issues as far as pushing it around. He’s about to be 8 and weighs 98 pounds., Mesh seat Maclaren
No canopy so it's good for height
Compact
Mesh seat is cool and dries fast
Harness not just waist clips
Just wish I could strap her legs in for now I can tip it back, We used the B.O.B. Jogging Stroller until it was stolen from our garage - my son was about 5.5 and still fit comfortably in it. You could probably get one used., Update us if you find something good!, This is helpful if the process to get a medical stroller takes a while. Thank you!, Been looking myself and haven't had much luck., I use an adaptive stroller for my son. I didn't go through insurance, I just financed it. He outgrew the one we got from Variety, the Children's Charity and I wanted to go with a different style than the one they give out. I didn't want to wait for an insurance approval.
MacLaren's are really good if your kid is small enough to use them. When I worked in early intervention we had a few and they are sturdy, fold up easily and are easy to keep clean.
My boy is 18 now and I use the Convaid Metro. I also have an adaptive jogging stoller (Advanced Mobility) that we use on the beach, for easy hikes, anywhere that doesn't have paved surfaces.
If I were looking for a stroller for a 5 year old I would indeed start with a MacLaren., I have the Maclaren and we love it! It’s super light weight! There is a bottom piece where their feet sit that can be adjusted but when the stroller is folded it needs to be removed. I believe the weight limit is 100 pounds.
Now I will weigh will have to retire ours soon bc my son is looks a little too big for it but we used it today and had no issues as far as pushing it around. He’s about to be 8 and weighs 98 pounds., Mesh seat Maclaren
No canopy so it's good for height
Compact
Mesh seat is cool and dries fast
Harness not just waist clips
Just wish I could strap her legs in for now I can tip it back, We used the B.O.B. Jogging Stroller until it was stolen from our garage - my son was about 5.5 and still fit comfortably in it. You could probably get one used., Update us if you find something good!, This is helpful if the process to get a medical stroller takes a while. Thank you!
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Stroller Alternatives??
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Hi all! Wondering if anyone has any recommendations for the next step up from a stroller. My son is 3, level 3. He LOVES any kind of outing but also LOVES eloping! We are working on using a tether but we usually only make it about 30 min or so until he gets tired of the restriction and goes full meltdown mode. At this point we put him in the stroller and he is okay with just sight seeing. But he’s getting too big for his stroller and his feet are almost touching the ground 😂. He will have to have something with a 5 point harness. Wagons are a no go as he likes to lean over the side and touch the ground and I’m scared I’ll run over his fingers accidentally. I’ve been looking at these trike strollers but they seem to be geared toward the infant/small toddler group and my son is tall for his age already. Anyone know of any good trike strollers or other products that would be good for a larger toddler? TIA!
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I'm seeking similar. I guess McLaren made one for older kids, but when I looked it was discontinued. Hopefully someone here will have a recommendation. I'm dying to be able to go for a walk around our neighborhood., Okay! My son is 5 and we got him and adaptive stroller because he’s super tall for his age. Omg it’s been life changing. We got the special tomato (cringe name I know) jogging stroller and I’m so glad!, https://preview.redd.it/1o93zzykfssc1.jpeg?width=716&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6fbb18ec1049fc7db62e42c438e907bc44ee3fd3
I just got this. 4.5 year old loves it. 44 inches tall and plenty of leg space., We missed the boat 😭 lol, https://www.adaptivemall.com/special-tomato-jogger-with-included-medical-bag.html?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwwr6wBhBcEiwAfMEQs-fnTvsfXm2hC0n1Yqg6emf4ryIGfElxS00FmYz6zhg6CMrey8NOvRoCT24QAvD_BwE, https://preview.redd.it/v18luqegbssc1.jpeg?width=1576&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=755d4a17c6d545ad9c72f55a8fed8f7d71ffd01e
He’s 4 feet, 55 pounds for reference. It does have the harness but we don’t use/need it, Looks very roomy! Does it fold?, This one is super nice! About how big is it when folded? I have a small crossover suv and our regular jogging stroller just barely fits in the trunk., It does when you remove the pins. Which are attached to it so you can't lose them., I also recommend this one often. We use it for our daughter. It's a bit big because of the solid foot well area and tires not really made to remove like many others.
Special tomato does also make the EIO push stroller. Less rugged but folds down way thinner and wheels are removable.
My model x has like 14" behind the third row if you don't fold it down. Not much space at all. The EIO fit with wheels removed. The jogger which I currently use does not. , Thank you! I’ll check it out!, Thank you I’ll look at the EIO as well I’m working with just about the same amount of trunk space, I'm seeking similar. I guess McLaren made one for older kids, but when I looked it was discontinued. Hopefully someone here will have a recommendation. I'm dying to be able to go for a walk around our neighborhood., Okay! My son is 5 and we got him and adaptive stroller because he’s super tall for his age. Omg it’s been life changing. We got the special tomato (cringe name I know) jogging stroller and I’m so glad!, https://preview.redd.it/1o93zzykfssc1.jpeg?width=716&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6fbb18ec1049fc7db62e42c438e907bc44ee3fd3
I just got this. 4.5 year old loves it. 44 inches tall and plenty of leg space., We missed the boat 😭 lol, https://www.adaptivemall.com/special-tomato-jogger-with-included-medical-bag.html?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwwr6wBhBcEiwAfMEQs-fnTvsfXm2hC0n1Yqg6emf4ryIGfElxS00FmYz6zhg6CMrey8NOvRoCT24QAvD_BwE, https://preview.redd.it/v18luqegbssc1.jpeg?width=1576&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=755d4a17c6d545ad9c72f55a8fed8f7d71ffd01e
He’s 4 feet, 55 pounds for reference. It does have the harness but we don’t use/need it, Looks very roomy! Does it fold?, This one is super nice! About how big is it when folded? I have a small crossover suv and our regular jogging stroller just barely fits in the trunk., It does when you remove the pins. Which are attached to it so you can't lose them., I also recommend this one often. We use it for our daughter. It's a bit big because of the solid foot well area and tires not really made to remove like many others.
Special tomato does also make the EIO push stroller. Less rugged but folds down way thinner and wheels are removable.
My model x has like 14" behind the third row if you don't fold it down. Not much space at all. The EIO fit with wheels removed. The jogger which I currently use does not. , Thank you! I’ll check it out!, Thank you I’ll look at the EIO as well I’m working with just about the same amount of trunk space, I'm seeking similar. I guess McLaren made one for older kids, but when I looked it was discontinued. Hopefully someone here will have a recommendation. I'm dying to be able to go for a walk around our neighborhood., Okay! My son is 5 and we got him and adaptive stroller because he’s super tall for his age. Omg it’s been life changing. We got the special tomato (cringe name I know) jogging stroller and I’m so glad!, https://preview.redd.it/1o93zzykfssc1.jpeg?width=716&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6fbb18ec1049fc7db62e42c438e907bc44ee3fd3
I just got this. 4.5 year old loves it. 44 inches tall and plenty of leg space., We missed the boat 😭 lol, https://www.adaptivemall.com/special-tomato-jogger-with-included-medical-bag.html?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwwr6wBhBcEiwAfMEQs-fnTvsfXm2hC0n1Yqg6emf4ryIGfElxS00FmYz6zhg6CMrey8NOvRoCT24QAvD_BwE, https://preview.redd.it/v18luqegbssc1.jpeg?width=1576&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=755d4a17c6d545ad9c72f55a8fed8f7d71ffd01e
He’s 4 feet, 55 pounds for reference. It does have the harness but we don’t use/need it, Looks very roomy! Does it fold?, This one is super nice! About how big is it when folded? I have a small crossover suv and our regular jogging stroller just barely fits in the trunk., It does when you remove the pins. Which are attached to it so you can't lose them., I also recommend this one often. We use it for our daughter. It's a bit big because of the solid foot well area and tires not really made to remove like many others.
Special tomato does also make the EIO push stroller. Less rugged but folds down way thinner and wheels are removable.
My model x has like 14" behind the third row if you don't fold it down. Not much space at all. The EIO fit with wheels removed. The jogger which I currently use does not. , Thank you! I’ll check it out!, Thank you I’ll look at the EIO as well I’m working with just about the same amount of trunk space, I'm seeking similar. I guess McLaren made one for older kids, but when I looked it was discontinued. Hopefully someone here will have a recommendation. I'm dying to be able to go for a walk around our neighborhood., Okay! My son is 5 and we got him and adaptive stroller because he’s super tall for his age. Omg it’s been life changing. We got the special tomato (cringe name I know) jogging stroller and I’m so glad!, https://preview.redd.it/1o93zzykfssc1.jpeg?width=716&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6fbb18ec1049fc7db62e42c438e907bc44ee3fd3
I just got this. 4.5 year old loves it. 44 inches tall and plenty of leg space., We missed the boat 😭 lol, https://www.adaptivemall.com/special-tomato-jogger-with-included-medical-bag.html?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwwr6wBhBcEiwAfMEQs-fnTvsfXm2hC0n1Yqg6emf4ryIGfElxS00FmYz6zhg6CMrey8NOvRoCT24QAvD_BwE, https://preview.redd.it/v18luqegbssc1.jpeg?width=1576&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=755d4a17c6d545ad9c72f55a8fed8f7d71ffd01e
He’s 4 feet, 55 pounds for reference. It does have the harness but we don’t use/need it, Looks very roomy! Does it fold?, This one is super nice! About how big is it when folded? I have a small crossover suv and our regular jogging stroller just barely fits in the trunk., It does when you remove the pins. Which are attached to it so you can't lose them., I also recommend this one often. We use it for our daughter. It's a bit big because of the solid foot well area and tires not really made to remove like many others.
Special tomato does also make the EIO push stroller. Less rugged but folds down way thinner and wheels are removable.
My model x has like 14" behind the third row if you don't fold it down. Not much space at all. The EIO fit with wheels removed. The jogger which I currently use does not. , Thank you! I’ll check it out!, Thank you I’ll look at the EIO as well I’m working with just about the same amount of trunk space
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Stroller question
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Hello!
My son has only had this stroller for a few months but his feet touch the wheels! I didn’t pick it out . He is nowhere near the weight requirements but he is a tall 2.5 year old at 36 inches . I’m in the market for a new stroller but I don’t see height requirements, just weight . Any suggestions! I don’t have a car and he likes to run so I need the stroller sometimes . We have a wagon but it’s not practical for going to the store and such .
Thank you for any advice. Included a pic of the stroller .
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Two words. Stroller, wagon!
I love mine, and it works great for my super tall son. Mine has 2 5 points harness, is collapsible, has a removable canopy, has storage and a removable table and both wagon and stroller options for the parent.
My son hated strollers, and his legs were too long anyway. He always touched the wheels. But the stroller wagon is great for us., I’m in the same boat with no answers. I got a wagon which is amazing but idk what to do about quick errands etc. , https://www.target.com/p/baby-jogger-summit-x3-jogging-stroller-jet/-/A-86993022?sidd=&ref=tgt_adv_xsp&AFID=google_pla_df&fndsrc=tmnv&DFA=71700000117960636&CPNG=PLA_DVM%2Ba064R000015Pd2dQAC-Newell+Baby_Baby+Jogger+City+Tour_Mar_2024-1182690&adgroup=PLA_Newell+Baby&LID=700000001393753pgs&network=g&device=m&location=9014001&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwzZmwBhD8ARIsAH4v1gWZuxWAK7nwbIxvJlge7nn0RvN38cUFWk_vuFDM0PaAsRu2b9ySUgMaApiTEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds
Here's what we have. Ridiculously pricey.. I got ours at a kids resale for $100. My daughter loves hers. Up to 5 years old/75lb. And it goes EVERYWHERE smoothly. My daughter is 35 lb 36.5 inches and she fits great 😊, My son is 3 and a stroller like that does not work for him anymore. It’s too lite and since he can reach the floor he puts his feet on the wheels, tries to stop it, and will push himself back. I’m in the market for a new “umbrella” stroller as well and because of how he is I’m drawing a blank. I’ll probably have to buy something more expensive unfortunately, Umbrella strollers are over all just terrible imo. My son would put his feet on the footrest and the footrest was touching the wheels making it super hard to push. Immediately switched to stroller wagon. It’s big but we gotta sacrifice for our babes.
This is the one I have. My son is 52” 67lbs at 6 years old. Still works for us like a dream. I took the tray out so he has more room. Helps a lot if there will be a lot of walking as he is not tolerable to walking long distances also if he is having a rough day I can put the canopy up and it’s like a sensory room on wheels. Not so much blocking out noise but makes him feel safe and enclosed.
https://www.target.com/p/baby-trend-expedition-2-in-1-stroller-wagon-navy-blue/-/A-80177897, I second this!
Also, check this site out: https://medical.babysonbroadway.com/pediatric-medical-devices/
Sign up. Have them check your insurance and see if it's covered by insurance. we got the pediatrician to write us a prescription as well., This! We have baby trend expedition and my son is 6yo 52” 67lbs. The canopy helps a lot with overstimulation. It’s like a sensory room on wheels. Lol
https://www.target.com/p/baby-trend-expedition-2-in-1-stroller-wagon-navy-blue/-/A-80177897, There’s a brand called Special Tomato. The strollers are large and don’t fold up very small, but they’re specifically for delayed kids in one way or another. They’re expensive. The one we have was $800 but the whole family chipped in on it because it can carry my daughter and my nephew in it at the same time without worry. I think the weight limit is like 140 pounds or something., Ty so much I’ll try to find one cheaper ! lol, If you are open to used items, it may be helpful to mention your location in the post.
I have a similar (or maybe even same exact) stroller that I no longer need (planned to donate it but kids kept me busy). It's unlikely that we are in same area, but there's always a chance that someone close by has something., Two words. Stroller, wagon!
I love mine, and it works great for my super tall son. Mine has 2 5 points harness, is collapsible, has a removable canopy, has storage and a removable table and both wagon and stroller options for the parent.
My son hated strollers, and his legs were too long anyway. He always touched the wheels. But the stroller wagon is great for us., I’m in the same boat with no answers. I got a wagon which is amazing but idk what to do about quick errands etc. , https://www.target.com/p/baby-jogger-summit-x3-jogging-stroller-jet/-/A-86993022?sidd=&ref=tgt_adv_xsp&AFID=google_pla_df&fndsrc=tmnv&DFA=71700000117960636&CPNG=PLA_DVM%2Ba064R000015Pd2dQAC-Newell+Baby_Baby+Jogger+City+Tour_Mar_2024-1182690&adgroup=PLA_Newell+Baby&LID=700000001393753pgs&network=g&device=m&location=9014001&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwzZmwBhD8ARIsAH4v1gWZuxWAK7nwbIxvJlge7nn0RvN38cUFWk_vuFDM0PaAsRu2b9ySUgMaApiTEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds
Here's what we have. Ridiculously pricey.. I got ours at a kids resale for $100. My daughter loves hers. Up to 5 years old/75lb. And it goes EVERYWHERE smoothly. My daughter is 35 lb 36.5 inches and she fits great 😊, My son is 3 and a stroller like that does not work for him anymore. It’s too lite and since he can reach the floor he puts his feet on the wheels, tries to stop it, and will push himself back. I’m in the market for a new “umbrella” stroller as well and because of how he is I’m drawing a blank. I’ll probably have to buy something more expensive unfortunately, Umbrella strollers are over all just terrible imo. My son would put his feet on the footrest and the footrest was touching the wheels making it super hard to push. Immediately switched to stroller wagon. It’s big but we gotta sacrifice for our babes.
This is the one I have. My son is 52” 67lbs at 6 years old. Still works for us like a dream. I took the tray out so he has more room. Helps a lot if there will be a lot of walking as he is not tolerable to walking long distances also if he is having a rough day I can put the canopy up and it’s like a sensory room on wheels. Not so much blocking out noise but makes him feel safe and enclosed.
https://www.target.com/p/baby-trend-expedition-2-in-1-stroller-wagon-navy-blue/-/A-80177897, I second this!
Also, check this site out: https://medical.babysonbroadway.com/pediatric-medical-devices/
Sign up. Have them check your insurance and see if it's covered by insurance. we got the pediatrician to write us a prescription as well., This! We have baby trend expedition and my son is 6yo 52” 67lbs. The canopy helps a lot with overstimulation. It’s like a sensory room on wheels. Lol
https://www.target.com/p/baby-trend-expedition-2-in-1-stroller-wagon-navy-blue/-/A-80177897, There’s a brand called Special Tomato. The strollers are large and don’t fold up very small, but they’re specifically for delayed kids in one way or another. They’re expensive. The one we have was $800 but the whole family chipped in on it because it can carry my daughter and my nephew in it at the same time without worry. I think the weight limit is like 140 pounds or something., Ty so much I’ll try to find one cheaper ! lol, If you are open to used items, it may be helpful to mention your location in the post.
I have a similar (or maybe even same exact) stroller that I no longer need (planned to donate it but kids kept me busy). It's unlikely that we are in same area, but there's always a chance that someone close by has something., Two words. Stroller, wagon!
I love mine, and it works great for my super tall son. Mine has 2 5 points harness, is collapsible, has a removable canopy, has storage and a removable table and both wagon and stroller options for the parent.
My son hated strollers, and his legs were too long anyway. He always touched the wheels. But the stroller wagon is great for us., I’m in the same boat with no answers. I got a wagon which is amazing but idk what to do about quick errands etc. , https://www.target.com/p/baby-jogger-summit-x3-jogging-stroller-jet/-/A-86993022?sidd=&ref=tgt_adv_xsp&AFID=google_pla_df&fndsrc=tmnv&DFA=71700000117960636&CPNG=PLA_DVM%2Ba064R000015Pd2dQAC-Newell+Baby_Baby+Jogger+City+Tour_Mar_2024-1182690&adgroup=PLA_Newell+Baby&LID=700000001393753pgs&network=g&device=m&location=9014001&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwzZmwBhD8ARIsAH4v1gWZuxWAK7nwbIxvJlge7nn0RvN38cUFWk_vuFDM0PaAsRu2b9ySUgMaApiTEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds
Here's what we have. Ridiculously pricey.. I got ours at a kids resale for $100. My daughter loves hers. Up to 5 years old/75lb. And it goes EVERYWHERE smoothly. My daughter is 35 lb 36.5 inches and she fits great 😊, My son is 3 and a stroller like that does not work for him anymore. It’s too lite and since he can reach the floor he puts his feet on the wheels, tries to stop it, and will push himself back. I’m in the market for a new “umbrella” stroller as well and because of how he is I’m drawing a blank. I’ll probably have to buy something more expensive unfortunately, Umbrella strollers are over all just terrible imo. My son would put his feet on the footrest and the footrest was touching the wheels making it super hard to push. Immediately switched to stroller wagon. It’s big but we gotta sacrifice for our babes.
This is the one I have. My son is 52” 67lbs at 6 years old. Still works for us like a dream. I took the tray out so he has more room. Helps a lot if there will be a lot of walking as he is not tolerable to walking long distances also if he is having a rough day I can put the canopy up and it’s like a sensory room on wheels. Not so much blocking out noise but makes him feel safe and enclosed.
https://www.target.com/p/baby-trend-expedition-2-in-1-stroller-wagon-navy-blue/-/A-80177897, I second this!
Also, check this site out: https://medical.babysonbroadway.com/pediatric-medical-devices/
Sign up. Have them check your insurance and see if it's covered by insurance. we got the pediatrician to write us a prescription as well., This! We have baby trend expedition and my son is 6yo 52” 67lbs. The canopy helps a lot with overstimulation. It’s like a sensory room on wheels. Lol
https://www.target.com/p/baby-trend-expedition-2-in-1-stroller-wagon-navy-blue/-/A-80177897, There’s a brand called Special Tomato. The strollers are large and don’t fold up very small, but they’re specifically for delayed kids in one way or another. They’re expensive. The one we have was $800 but the whole family chipped in on it because it can carry my daughter and my nephew in it at the same time without worry. I think the weight limit is like 140 pounds or something., Ty so much I’ll try to find one cheaper ! lol, If you are open to used items, it may be helpful to mention your location in the post.
I have a similar (or maybe even same exact) stroller that I no longer need (planned to donate it but kids kept me busy). It's unlikely that we are in same area, but there's always a chance that someone close by has something., Two words. Stroller, wagon!
I love mine, and it works great for my super tall son. Mine has 2 5 points harness, is collapsible, has a removable canopy, has storage and a removable table and both wagon and stroller options for the parent.
My son hated strollers, and his legs were too long anyway. He always touched the wheels. But the stroller wagon is great for us., I’m in the same boat with no answers. I got a wagon which is amazing but idk what to do about quick errands etc. , https://www.target.com/p/baby-jogger-summit-x3-jogging-stroller-jet/-/A-86993022?sidd=&ref=tgt_adv_xsp&AFID=google_pla_df&fndsrc=tmnv&DFA=71700000117960636&CPNG=PLA_DVM%2Ba064R000015Pd2dQAC-Newell+Baby_Baby+Jogger+City+Tour_Mar_2024-1182690&adgroup=PLA_Newell+Baby&LID=700000001393753pgs&network=g&device=m&location=9014001&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwzZmwBhD8ARIsAH4v1gWZuxWAK7nwbIxvJlge7nn0RvN38cUFWk_vuFDM0PaAsRu2b9ySUgMaApiTEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds
Here's what we have. Ridiculously pricey.. I got ours at a kids resale for $100. My daughter loves hers. Up to 5 years old/75lb. And it goes EVERYWHERE smoothly. My daughter is 35 lb 36.5 inches and she fits great 😊, My son is 3 and a stroller like that does not work for him anymore. It’s too lite and since he can reach the floor he puts his feet on the wheels, tries to stop it, and will push himself back. I’m in the market for a new “umbrella” stroller as well and because of how he is I’m drawing a blank. I’ll probably have to buy something more expensive unfortunately, Umbrella strollers are over all just terrible imo. My son would put his feet on the footrest and the footrest was touching the wheels making it super hard to push. Immediately switched to stroller wagon. It’s big but we gotta sacrifice for our babes.
This is the one I have. My son is 52” 67lbs at 6 years old. Still works for us like a dream. I took the tray out so he has more room. Helps a lot if there will be a lot of walking as he is not tolerable to walking long distances also if he is having a rough day I can put the canopy up and it’s like a sensory room on wheels. Not so much blocking out noise but makes him feel safe and enclosed.
https://www.target.com/p/baby-trend-expedition-2-in-1-stroller-wagon-navy-blue/-/A-80177897, I second this!
Also, check this site out: https://medical.babysonbroadway.com/pediatric-medical-devices/
Sign up. Have them check your insurance and see if it's covered by insurance. we got the pediatrician to write us a prescription as well., This! We have baby trend expedition and my son is 6yo 52” 67lbs. The canopy helps a lot with overstimulation. It’s like a sensory room on wheels. Lol
https://www.target.com/p/baby-trend-expedition-2-in-1-stroller-wagon-navy-blue/-/A-80177897, There’s a brand called Special Tomato. The strollers are large and don’t fold up very small, but they’re specifically for delayed kids in one way or another. They’re expensive. The one we have was $800 but the whole family chipped in on it because it can carry my daughter and my nephew in it at the same time without worry. I think the weight limit is like 140 pounds or something., Ty so much I’ll try to find one cheaper ! lol, If you are open to used items, it may be helpful to mention your location in the post.
I have a similar (or maybe even same exact) stroller that I no longer need (planned to donate it but kids kept me busy). It's unlikely that we are in same area, but there's always a chance that someone close by has something.
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Struggling with my 4 year old.
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Hi! Mom of two. My oldest is autistic. She is 4. She’s always had an issue with fecal smearing, but lately I’ve noticed she is… eating it….ive tried everything I can think of to understand and get her to stop. She knows how to use the potty, but chooses not to, or doesnt know how to tell me yet, or maybe she just doesn’t want to. Anyway, I really need some advice on this. I am at a loss. Any advice or tips would really help because this taking her pull up off when she poos, getting it everywhere, playing with it, and now full on eating it is really getting to me. Help. Thanks in advance 🖤
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My 3 year old son was doing this. In his case it was his way of telling us he was uncomfortable and needed a fresh nappy (diaper). We stopped it by bringing the changing mat out and pointing at it whenever he smeared, and now he brings us the mat to let us know he needs a bum change. He’s totally non verbal so it’s been a huge win for us., Maybe she is trying to calm herself when she is smearing, maybe toilet time is overwhelming her? Is there anything you can give her to play with like playdough or slime during? Redirect her to that?
., This is called pica and can be a sign of anemia/iron deficiency. Please see her pediatrician and get her iron levels checked., I love this! Total win for yall mama! 🖤, I know for sure using the potty overwhelms her, so, usually we sing. We have a special song for it, and once she calms and uses the potty well! I could get her toy specific for only potty time. Thank you so much for your advice! It means more to me than you know 🖤, I’m really sorry you guys are going through this, you are a good mum 🫶, Thank you so much! You have no idea how much I neeeded to hear that. 🖤, My 3 year old son was doing this. In his case it was his way of telling us he was uncomfortable and needed a fresh nappy (diaper). We stopped it by bringing the changing mat out and pointing at it whenever he smeared, and now he brings us the mat to let us know he needs a bum change. He’s totally non verbal so it’s been a huge win for us., Maybe she is trying to calm herself when she is smearing, maybe toilet time is overwhelming her? Is there anything you can give her to play with like playdough or slime during? Redirect her to that?
., This is called pica and can be a sign of anemia/iron deficiency. Please see her pediatrician and get her iron levels checked., I love this! Total win for yall mama! 🖤, I know for sure using the potty overwhelms her, so, usually we sing. We have a special song for it, and once she calms and uses the potty well! I could get her toy specific for only potty time. Thank you so much for your advice! It means more to me than you know 🖤, I’m really sorry you guys are going through this, you are a good mum 🫶, Thank you so much! You have no idea how much I neeeded to hear that. 🖤, My 3 year old son was doing this. In his case it was his way of telling us he was uncomfortable and needed a fresh nappy (diaper). We stopped it by bringing the changing mat out and pointing at it whenever he smeared, and now he brings us the mat to let us know he needs a bum change. He’s totally non verbal so it’s been a huge win for us., Maybe she is trying to calm herself when she is smearing, maybe toilet time is overwhelming her? Is there anything you can give her to play with like playdough or slime during? Redirect her to that?
., This is called pica and can be a sign of anemia/iron deficiency. Please see her pediatrician and get her iron levels checked., I love this! Total win for yall mama! 🖤, I know for sure using the potty overwhelms her, so, usually we sing. We have a special song for it, and once she calms and uses the potty well! I could get her toy specific for only potty time. Thank you so much for your advice! It means more to me than you know 🖤, I’m really sorry you guys are going through this, you are a good mum 🫶, Thank you so much! You have no idea how much I neeeded to hear that. 🖤, My 3 year old son was doing this. In his case it was his way of telling us he was uncomfortable and needed a fresh nappy (diaper). We stopped it by bringing the changing mat out and pointing at it whenever he smeared, and now he brings us the mat to let us know he needs a bum change. He’s totally non verbal so it’s been a huge win for us., Maybe she is trying to calm herself when she is smearing, maybe toilet time is overwhelming her? Is there anything you can give her to play with like playdough or slime during? Redirect her to that?
., This is called pica and can be a sign of anemia/iron deficiency. Please see her pediatrician and get her iron levels checked., I love this! Total win for yall mama! 🖤, I know for sure using the potty overwhelms her, so, usually we sing. We have a special song for it, and once she calms and uses the potty well! I could get her toy specific for only potty time. Thank you so much for your advice! It means more to me than you know 🖤, I’m really sorry you guys are going through this, you are a good mum 🫶, Thank you so much! You have no idea how much I neeeded to hear that. 🖤
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Subreddit for level 1-2 parents
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While I have enjoyed lurking on this subreddit I have realized it's really mostly for parents of autistic children with high special needs. Does anyone have a recommendation for a subreddit for parents of level 1-2, "Aspergers" or even specifically for 2e children?
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I think the fact that this sub covers all support levels is beneficial- it never hurts to have more behavior management techniques in your bag of tricks., This is an interesting discussion. I've never had the impression that high support needs are more represented here. I've always thought it was broad strokes.
It feels slightly off to me to split away. I think the altogether approach is the main strength of this subreddit. Sure there'll be some who voice their resentment of level 1 and level 2 needs when they're in the trenches of level 3. That's ok with me. In general I find that level 3 can be dismissed quicker out of the autism community, maybe because of internalised ableism among other things.
On the other foot though, level 1 and level 2 also have their struggles and perhaps they feel their lower support needs are dismissed as not having validity when constantly being compared to level 3s. It be much nicer if we could stop doing that.
Overall, this is a positive and non- judgemental space. No matter the kid that is being parented., Hey OP, if you decide to make the sub, I’d love to join! I see a lot of people on here discussing that the sub shouldn’t be broken up but I’ve honestly been downvoted in the past for posting about my daughter’s strengths and been written off as “tone-deaf”. One of the mods here also had some pretty gross things to say about how level 1-2 kids were taking away resources from level 3 kids. I think a separate sub where we could discuss our own challenges or celebrations without fear of being judged would be great!, I don’t mind parents or lower support needs children posting on here or that they’re 2e either. I’m not triggered because I probably would skip past the post if I don’t think I can contribute anything of value. I think this should be a safe haven for parents of children of all levels to post but that’s just my opinion., My child is very low needs, passes for “typical” at first glance other than very serious adhd symptoms that we medicate. The older he got the more his social deficits showed. Yes, they are often hidden and to my friends it’s just funny and he truly is lovable and delightful. As a parent it is HARD to watch him struggle to make friends, struggle to fit in with same age peers and struggle to understand why he isn’t always accepted. I think there’s a lot of value to looking at autism as a spectrum as at its core it’s a social deficit and many strategies that work with more severe kids are highly beneficial for your level 1 kids if you are looking for the best possible outcome., Maybe flairs for the levels in this same group might help?, Hmm…I don’t know. I feel like I can tell pretty quickly whether a post is relevant to me or not, or where I might to be able to offer some support. That said, I have a similar feeling with in-person or Zoom support groups where people are coming from very different places. However, you’re kind of trapped there while here you can just scroll past things that aren’t applicable to you., This would be amazing OP!! I haven't found a sub like that. So often my input is regarded as toxic positivity here. The one 2e post I made instantly got down voted 3 times, so I deleted it.
It's really a two fold issue too.
1. I don't want to be a trigger.
2. I don't want my experience invalidated because it isn't as bad as other ND parents here.
It feels like a no-win situation a lot of days., I kind of agree that it would be nice to not split this sub, also to give parents that just got their diagnosis a broader picture of what might be in stock. But I also hear everyone who feel scared to post here.
@admins I wonder if we could have a "lvl1/2e" or similar label to make it clear that this is a post written from a less-high-needs perspective that might be hard to read for lvl3 parents in the deep of the trenches? Maybe that's a way to make this sub work more for everyone?, We have an L2 kid, but we see many similarities with L1 and L3 kids. I see all three levels represented here., I have looked around and couldn't find one. I have two high functioning children, one who is gifted and no where to talk to people. This sub understandably is pretty rough as people are going through some very difficult times. And I feel guilty even posting here normally. If someone creates something that would be amazing!, Yeah, this same sub. You don’t see as many posts because the hardships are not as severe.
There’s no need to split the sub. The children have already done the same and it hasn’t gone well IMO.
r/autism vs r/spicyautism, Yeah - I've noticed that too. Honestly it seems like this sub is becoming for people just finding out (or expecting) about a diagnosis and coming to terms with what that means. And for those of us who stick around (me included) with higher support needs kids because we really have nowhere else to go... Feel free to share your experiences and ask your questions to the community. I'm positive there are plenty of lurkers out there in your situation looking for topics to jump in on.
I'm glad the level 3/higher support needs kids get so much visibility on here (because it isn't the case in many ASD subs) but it doesn't need to feel exclusive to topics around them., [There is a 2e subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwiceExceptional/s/kNjTvRvfa8) but it is all but dead. Maybe you could revive it?
When we were in the thick of navigating 2E issues for school placement etc, I found the 2E community not super welcoming. It may have changed and evolved since, but when my son was middle school-HS age, 2E communities both online and irl were full of families who didn’t want to accept or embrace autism as part of their child’s struggles. It was gifted + ADHD or gifted + GAD or gifted + Aspergers which *wasn’t really autism* or any number of other things.
I think there are more level 1/2 families here in this subreddit than you think, but the need for support and crowdsourcing solutions to problems isn’t as constant, overwhelming, and isolating as with younger and higher-needs children.
Post flairs that could bring up 2E or similar seem like a good idea.
I think it would be a mistake to split this sub or narrow its focus, because so many kids will move in and out of different levels and needs. Parenting with autism in the equation will constantly surprise you., More than half the posts when I read on here about a kid who the parents describe as “high functioning” I think to myself those issues don’t sound high functioning to me at all… just saying you might not get what/who you expect if you want to limit your audience.
I prefer hearing from parents across the spectrum because I learn from everyone. Also, I already think this sub has many more parents who self-report level one or two than three., I agree. In addition to the age differences, I feel like I'm on an island with my level 1 2e adult and like our biggest struggles are seen as "bragging" or "boy who cried wolf". I also wonder how many parents of level 3s feel the same jealousy and bitterness toward me and my kid that they toward the NT families they post jealous vents about. I also get the impression that my child even occupies a certain space within the level 1 world that can be pretty isolating at times., I’ve found that finding something specific and more honed tends to be successful. Like a PDA group or hyperlexia for me. I’ve even joined a group with “high functioning autism” in the title which I know is overall a no-no but it’s been a very valuable resource for me. (It was on Facebook otherwise I’d link it here.), I’d vote for flairs to help users target the posts they want. I appreciate the mixed level group because there are things I can learn from other parents’ experiences, regardless of level. Also, levels are more of a shorthand than a fixed diagnosis. My son was diagnosed mild to moderate, with no level given but in recent months he’s shown that he needs more supports than he’s needed the past, so he’s probably level 2 now, but could change in the future.
He is also 2e, again at least for now. Sometimes child giftedness levels out in adulthood., This subreddit is problematic in so many ways. Autistic. Levels are an unfair and divisive system that runs against the advice and knowledge of the autistic community as a whole, and the uniqueness of individual autistic profiles. They say nothing about support needs and development milestones, now or in the long term. The only thing they do is to put down those on the more 'severe' classifications as incompetent and unworthy of autonomy, and to deny support to those on the other end of the scale.
Also this group dislikes an autistic adults having an input, I really wish their was a 2e subreddit! Or 2e combined with less support needs. I also feel guilty posting at times because other parents with kids with higher support needs have very different struggles than we do and I can’t help but feel like I shouldn’t complain because things could always be worse., I don’t think the majority have more severe kids (though they may) - people are more likely to post here when they have problems. It seems like 80-90% of the posts are about kids under 5. Even more mildly affected toddlers are a lot to deal with.
I do wish there were more posts from people with teens., I’m also a parent with a 2e kid and would love a place to discuss without being judged., I have a son who’s getting a medical diagnosis currently (Friday we get the results) but he currently has an educational diagnosis and is considered low service needs. Unfortunately that may be changing as his behavior has become more pronounced this year and he may need more services, hence getting the medical diagnosis now. I wish I did it sooner but I think I was in some sort of denial, especially since “you could barely tell” before this (he’s in first grade now).
You’re not alone in having a “high functioning” child, but at the same time those functions don’t always stay constant. People change with experience and sometimes an experience can stress out an autistic child or affect them enough to make them more impulsive or stim more or suddenly have a new sensory issue. I think this is why the term high and low functioning can be problematic. This entire time I was missing the areas where he was low functioning simply because he was adapting well to play based school while now with first grade, there’s more involved during this day., It’s flattering to have your child lumped into the level 1’s.
And, quite frankly, maybe my son is now level 2-lite if there is such a thing (at 3yrs, 4mos, speaks in 3-5 word phrases / sentences, in an ICT class for pre k, etc).
And, even though he’s a sweet child with no behavioral issues, this sh** is a STRUGGLE.
We have gutted it out for every gain — especially speech and motor.
Yes, it’s nothing like level 3. But, from what I hear of level 1’s, it’s nothing like that either.
OP, autism is a spectrum with much of it being disabling to varying degrees. I’m not sure the benefit of trying to cherry pick your reality. Instead, maybe it’s ultimately more helpful for you to hear a variety of stories., Yes I could see this as a helpful. A lot of the posts here I don’t relate to since my son is level 1, and just having issues with sensory and speech. We are lucky in that sense but it’s also hard for us to find supports because he isn’t autistic enough.
I’m having the hardest time finding an ABA center that will take my son. He only needs 10 hours a week and most are requiring 20+ hours a week., I hate to say it but I also feel like parents of children with higher support needs are very critical of my posts talking about my level 1 son. My doctor outlined how he doesn’t have an intellectual or cognitive delay and I was torn apart for that. I was also criticized for getting my son diagnosed so early (at 20 months). Just weird vibes in this group. I would love a new one that’s more positive and less critical., Perspectives like this are interesting, because it hasn't been my experience with this sub.
We do have a lot of very young kids with intensive needs - which isn't unusual. Many of them may make dramatic improvements by age 7. Statistically, less than 30% of the autistic population counts as "profoundly autistic."
We have a lot of kids who would fit that level 1-2 criteria here. It's just that most of the issues that would impact in childhood - needing a paraprofessional, needing specialized schools or care for things like epilepsy - are less common in level 1 autistic people, and so generate fewer posts.
Otherwise, the autism subreddit is probably your best bet., The fun thing about Reddit is you can make a new sub anytime…, Not sure about parents, but i think r/autism mostly is level 1 autistic people, I originally had the same thoughts about this subreddit but realized it was because I was hoping to come across another individual with a child who most closely approximates my own so that I could somehow “predict” the outcome of my sons future. I definitely did not “enjoy” lurking. I was crippled with anxiety and fear from questions that professionals don’t have sufficient answers for. I was trying to “take” something. What I saw is a depth of symptomatic severity that brought me to my knees with sympathy, and back to gratitude personally.
What I came to realize is that we’re all in this together as parents of children with ASD regardless of level. 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7 what’s happening is that people in this subreddit are trying to initiate communication in an online community for a variety of reasons “whys” and styles “hows”. Reassurance. Contrary interpretations. Recommendations. Sympathy. Commiserating. Hopefulness. We NEED these individuals precisely as much as they NEED us.
All this to say is that on this Journey you can’t say for certain who the most valuable piece of information for you and your child is going to come from. Someone recommended “more than words” in a post I was reading. I bought it and reading it has been a real lightbulb experience for me.
By accepting we belong to a community unified by a neurological disorder affecting our children, it can allow us to shift our perspective from “taking” to “giving”. The taking is for you and only you. Giving energy to our children. Giving energy to supporting others. Operating in this “giving” mindset is simultaneously going to have the greatest positive impact on ourselves and on our children. If you’re in a giving mindset you’re not going to be concerned about stratification and subdivision., I also appreciate that it covers all support levels. You really never know how your toddler will end up as they grow older and reading all possible outcomes has been helpful for me to attempt to mentally prepare for., It’s helpful until you see the mass amounts of higher need parents tearing apart those parents with lower needs for trying to get them help too. Those pop up regularly and suck, There's at least one mod here who is very resentful of Level 1 and 2 families receiving services and feels strongly that they are taking valuable resources away from Level 3 (i.e. his) kids. That may be contributing to what OP is talking about, because it certainly has for me., I have similarly been called tone deaf for posts and comments so I’m on board with joining a new sub., Me too and it feels like I'm made out to be the worst person ever for daring to defend myself or my kid or express an inkling of positivity., I have a son level 2 and 3. I think it could be beneficial to have different subs and people can join more if they want. I just feel like the experiences are so different and I am constantly needing to scrub through the level 1 posts or responses since they don’t apply to me in the slightest. Then we leave it up t them if they want to join a level 1 if they’re a level 3 and vice versa, I second this. Like the flairs aren’t necessary but if it’s something specific to a “level” then maybe it would help?, Yess!!!, I had a similar experience about mentioning my son’s strengths. I was called tone deaf for posting it because some parents really struggle with their kids.
Overall I’ve had a good experience in this sub even though I don’t relate to most posts but the few comments like that have made me shy to post or comment too much., I’d love a “chaotic good” sub for only the positive stuff. High needs, low needs, who cares! Sometimes it’s nice to just be happy and ride that. I also understand the need for reality (just not all the time)., The downvotes for just existing can be brutal sometimes. I've been there., 100%
This place is toxic, but I understand to an extent as to why. I feel guilty even posting here, but it's the ONLY sub for those in our situation. We need a place where we can talk about our struggles, even if they pale in comparison to others., I totally agree my son is level 3 and My other son we think level 2. It would be great to have 3 different subs since although there are some similarities the experiences can be VASTLY different and doesn’t really help either group., I can host a Lemmy instance on my existing cloud server if people are interested, let me know!, I see level 1 all the time and I’m totally with you just from the other end of the spectrum, haha. To have a level 3 and even level 2 suv only would help me find support faster.
My best friend’s little guy has level one formerly asbergers and our two kids are nothing alike and we can’t give eachother advice nor should we really, I think the reason most parent posts here are higher needs is because that’s where the diagnosis numbers are located. Autism usually is a profound diagnosis. Mildly affected individuals make up less than 1/3 of affected young children.
You certainly can start a group for lower needs children. (I don’t think of it as splitting parents just a sub specialty discussion to address a parenting need.)
The autistic adults on Reddit are self selected to be higher functioning because very low functioning adults just are not on the internet., This focus on '2e', is potentially as exclusionary as what is supposedly being planned 'against'.
The majority of children at level 1 and 2 are not 2e. It's amazing if you believe that your child is. But labelling such a group as this being a focus seems as though the needs of the majority of parents of children at level 1 and 2 will not be met either.
I am sure that there are groups for gifted children readily available. Eg. /r/Gifted/, My kid tried spicyautism because they were so fed up with other online autism communities and quickly ended up extremely unpopular., Honestly I feel like I have nothing to add to the discussion and writing about our challenges feels completely out of place here - let alone my perspective of neurodiversity instead of autism necessarily being a disability., What is a level 1/2? Do you mean both Level 1’s and Level 2’s?, I agree. Some of the "level 1" stuff I read here sounds like a whole other universe compared to my kid and some local services for level 1 have been too rudimentary for where my kid was at., I welcome and value input from autistic adults if they share their lived experiences, techniques and opinions. It bothers me when anyone, autistic adults included, give input about things they have no experience in. The only autistic adults I have a problem with are the ones who speak over other autistic adults or children based on things they have heard or read., Yes. I've seen a few 2e + level3 examples here., Oh boy. Hey. Thanks for joining the conversation with that super helpful snark. 👍, Ya, I feel bad for the new parents as they walk right into the worst case scenarios. All of our kids develop differently. My son in particular was behind when younger, lacked social awareness, needed speech / PT etc. And now if top of his class, in the gifted program with his eye's already locked into university. My daughter started out with even more issues and my wife and I questioned if she could ever take care of herself. Now at 20... she goes to college, works has a steady BF etc. It's not always dire., Exactly. And it is nice to have hope, when dealing with little ones., That’s a good point actually!!!, Yeah, 've noticed those. A lot of it is lashing out from a profoundly hard and demoralizing situation, so I try to not let those color my view of the sub., I know who you're talking about. They directly called out my username too., I have not seen this yet and I’m glad. Someone like that should not be modding., Yes there is. And it’s pretty discouraging to know that the mod has these viewpoints when this is supposed to be an inclusive and supportive place., I think we should! There’s a lot of things about my daughter’s diagnosis that bring me joy (she’s always made amazing associations like calling bananas “monkey” last year when she was 2 for example 🥹🥰), but it’s also challenging in its own ways. I look to this sub for community and support. I don’t want to be judged for not thinking autism is a never-ending nightmare or constantly reading about how lower support needs kids are taking resources away from higher support needs kids., I agree with you! I feel like if autism isn’t a tragedy to you then you’re not welcomed in this sub. That is how we are made to feel imho. I asked once if only miserable posts were accepted here as well, because anytime someone posts something positive they are downvoted and written off as having “toxic positivity”., It sucks, I get it... someone usually has it worse. But that does not invalidate other people's feelings., I worked at a school that only accepted “high functioning” autistic kids and for the two years I was there, we didn’t have a single 2E kid., Because isn’t it just “quirky” kids labeling themselves at autistic?, There exist plenty of different subs and boards of that kind in contrast to this kind of parent-focused, uncensored and non judgemental sub.
I feel welcome here as mother of level 1 kid., It sounds insane... but I don't think my son would've ended up exceeding so much in life if it weren't for autism., I see a number of posts of level 1 kids. Or, I see parents commenting about their level 1 kids. They are represented here., I’ve written about my kid and gotten great answers! My in laws with a level 3 kid also give me great advice, The children seem to have felt the same. The L2/3 children grew to resent the L1/Aspergers children due to them being able to be more functionally active in society. There is some jealousy rooted in there as well as a deep rooted hatred for what the L1/Asperger’s kids post on TikTok and other social media. Autism affects the different aspects of their lives differently, but IMO it would be the equivalent of African-Americans separating groups based on who’s dark skinned and who’s light skinned., I think your kids are young enough that you aren’t seeing the struggles yet. It’s common for Level 1 kids not to even be diagnosed until 6-7. Wait until age 7-9 and when social needs get more complex the deficit starts to show. Stick around here and read a ton so you can recognize and support it right away. Explicit social skill building is where it’s at for level 1 kiddos imo. Start learning to recognize the small things so you can make a big difference., Sure. I was just trying to respond to the OP and the idea that lower support needs children and families were unwelcome and not represented here. I meant level 1 or 2 or somewhere in between or someone who is level 1 in some areas and level 2 in others.
The introduction of diagnostic levels in the DSM-V has not worked as intended. Psychiatrists or other diagnosticians are supposed to assign a level in each of the two domains (repetitive behavior and communication challenges) and to make it clear that this is a **snapshot** that may change in time or circumstance. It’s a highly subjective determination without clear guidelines for the practitioner.
But most families now identify with a single level for some reason, and it has become shorthand for putting our children into permanent boxes. It’s counterproductive and divisive, IMO., Sorry I was just saying it was possible, Do you mind sharing more about why you thought your children wouldn’t be independent when they were younger? What were their issues? I am asking because I want to have hope at least that mine can be independent one day 🙏🏻, Oh wow! This is what I hope for my two kids. They’re both low support needs but my son still needs speech therapy at 5.5 and I wonder how he’ll conversate as an adult some days., You have absolutely no idea coming across this comment gives me so much hope for the future for my kiddo., Yeah I get it but then it honestly makes me feel bad about struggling. I still “follow” this sub but … I don’t know how to word it., You were also downvoted to pieces during that discussion for saying things like “we should all come together”. Make it make sense smdh!, Yeah like my children have their struggles but they’re honestly amazing and I wouldn’t even say autism is our biggest hurdle. I’m glad I never saw anything about low support needs taking resources because that might have done me in with this group. I had someone say something similar to me in person so I’m sensitive., Yep. This is exactly how it feels., Exactly. It was a post talking about comparing your child to NT kids and being sad some days about it. So it was SUPER ironic that I couldn’t even vent and feel safe about my feelings because someone dug up an old post I made about my son being gifted., No. My kid, while accepting of self-diagnosis under some circumstances, found the over-the-top celebration of and dogma around self-diagnoses in the main communities pretty off-putting.
It was more that there was this really narrow box they wanted the ideal participant to fit into and if you seemed "too accomplished", used language that was "too complicated", or didn't hate your autism 24/7, being ostracized was pretty likely and they'd try to tear you down to be at their level of misery.
My kid also described some of the members as "sheltered" and "prudish", and got into some pretty intense debates around topics like whether autistic adults should have as much right as anyone else to have a sex life and watch porn., My son is L1 and gifted... in fact I feel like autism HELPS him in some regards. God forbid you don't talk negatively about ASD here. But I understand how hard it has to be for those with lower functioning kids. However this sub is not very welcoming to parents who like to be positive., So here comes a post that I don't feel fully comfortable posting on this subreddit:
One aspect of our family is that at least one parent (me) is on the spectrum as well. I have known for a time and I knew autism is genetic so the shock when now 5yo started stimming and not being as concerned about social interactions while being two full years ahead in anything math/ construction/ logical problem solving was non-existent. Yes, my teen years were rough and I really hope to avoid that for my son but as an end -30s female engineer with a PhD I have made my way and given most of the f*s I had to give and I deeply, thoroughly love my brain and wouldn't change it for anything in the world (and I wouldn't have changed it as a teenager either).
My expectations for my son were never for him to be "normal" - but to learn to love his quirky brain and find his own, unique path.
I know that there will be a time when he might want to belong and his brain will make it harder for him than others. But I don't believe making him behave more neurotypical is the answer.
One of my favorite moments is the day I picked him up from kindergarten and he had built a slide out of wooden planks that he had laid down a little stairway in their yard. And virtually his whole class was taking turns sliding down having a blast.
They love him and include him not even though he is different but because he is different and can build stuff and do stuff that they wouldn't think of.
And that's not a singular incident. He's not fully conversational yet but still his classmates want to play with him because he builds the coolest Legos and being a process person he doesn't mind the other kids playing with them or adding to them once he is finished.
Giving him the tools to make that his future is my dream for him.
But I also know that with a kid that - yeah, what's the appropriate word to describe - fits into a neurotypical world okay or with small bits of help and strategies we are privileged compared with many other families on this subreddit. I understand that if you can't take your kids to the supermarket due to sensory triggers you probably can't entertain the idea of autism as a different neural type instead of a handicap. (There was a post about that recently and as much as I can empathize with the POV as much do I disagree from my own POV)., Got it. Yeah. Big differences between the levels too. Perhaps not enough levels.
I can see both sides. The medical community needs a way to intersect with government to provide adequate services in a world with finite resources.
And, I feel like no matter the system, human kind will always try to discriminate and create its own social hierarchy. Certainly wasn’t any better with people going around saying “high” and “low” functioning, and Asperger’s, IMO., Well it came off dismissive and condescending given over 75% of the responses in the ongoing above conversation.
I'd really like a solution to this issue, or in the least an open discussion., OK this is long and comes off as bragging to an extent. But I wanted to show how polarizing things became.
My son spent the first few years of his life (until age 5) doing *nothing* except stacking things. All he wanted year after year were domino's for every present. He couldn't dress himself properly, and had speech problems to the extent of "having his own language" that only my wife and I could understand. His sound and texture sensitivity were extreme. To the point where going to the bathroom would incite panic as he was scared of the toilet flushing. He toe walked to the extent that we were told he might need surgery. And his stemming was fairly intense, both rocking the couch across the room, to making clicking and repetitive noises constantly. He also had zero social skills, and never played with another child, outside randomly with a cousin from time to time. And he never has once played outside. He never watched TV, movies or showed interest in toys (ever). He stacked... lined things up, and spoke gibberish until about age 6. My wife and I use to cry a lot thinking he would never have a "normal" life.
During grade school with the help of sped classes he slowly started to change. Most notably his speech and general communication skills. His interests shifted as well, it went from stacking to *math*. He would simply sit and write out equations for hours, and soon started to hyper-focus on all things STEM.
Since 6th grade his academics have exploded, as well as his social skills. He talks completely normal as well. He has made straight A's since, got put in all advanced classes and admitted into the gifted program. He was ranked 1/390 in his class last year. He got a presidential award and invited to attend a academy for gifted kids (summer program). Although he turned it down twice due to anxiety. He already has two possible career paths outlined, including various universities. Overall he blossomed and became a amazing kid, and well exceeded any expectations we had.
My daughter had a similar story, we didn't think she would make it out on her own either. But she turns 21 in a week and goes to college, works and has a steady boyfriend. I figured you wouldn't want to read another book... =P
Needless to say autism isn't always dire. I don't think my kids would've turned out as amazing as they did without it. =D, Not the person you asked, but we were of the same opinion of our oldest, when he was 3-4. Barely verbal at 4 and transitioning meltdowns multiple times a day, often violent. It was exhausting beyond belief, day after day of this. I am still not quite sure what the heck was going on in his developing brain, but he is fully verbal and shining in a regular classroom just two years later., My son at age 5 sounded like he created his own language. It was so bad only my wife and I could understand him. Through speech he slowly improved, it took a long time but eventually you could no longer tell. He talked perfectly normal by 6th grade (outside of Rs). And now at 15 you would've never known he even had one. In fact he likes to correct people on their pronunciations, especially his sisters., I have to come and go from this sub. I find it helpful and cathartic at times, and I absolutely love being able to comfort other parents or help newbies navigate the mine field that is autism parenting 😅
But it can also be very triggering and a downer.
My daughter is 6 and very severe/high needs. But I would never *dream* of putting down parents of kids with lower needs. Nobody has a monopoly on pain and hardship, and it’s not mutually exclusive. We can all be struggling in our respective situations.
Coming from just one higher needs family, but please don’t feel bad for struggling, and sorry other parents aren’t always as gracious or empathetic. Each of us needs support, and we should all be lifting each other up for the sake of our kids., I must say, I was pretty baffled there too., [deleted], I'm so sorry you had that happen to you!! How gross that someone went out of their way, and used their energy to shame you. This is exactly what I'm talking about. We are also parents of Autistic children, and yet we're allowed 0 space to struggle or celebrate. It's infuriating., A solution or an option to trial would be to make a new sub and see how it goes., Wow. It's wild reading your story. It's VERY similar to my now 22 year old. He didn't speak at all until 5, and didn't get put into gifted classes until 8th grade. Lots of vocal stimming. He would spend hours writing equations on a white board in his room. Earned an awesome full ride scholarship to a private university. His adhd younger brother(19) helped him with his social life., Wow! What an inspiration! My son writes out math equations now at 5 so I’m hopeful he will have a similar path., That’s amazing. Some kids with autism truly do turn out to be gifted. It does seem like the majority by statistics do have lower IQs and challenges with high support needs, but it’s nice to hear a parent who’s kids were diagnosed and were able to thrive. I am seeing that a lot of being able to lead “normal” lives is for kids on the level 1 side of the spectrum vs level 2 or 3, This story gives us a lot of hope. Thanks for sharing, you have a genius right there in your family. What improvements did your son end up having socially? How was his social life in Middle school, and now?, Sounds like your kiddos had an amazing dad!
Thanks for sharing 😊, Gosh your sorry gives me hope! Thank you for sharing 🥹, This is super encouraging. My little one’s journey isn’t that dissimilar (though if Peppa Pig is on he will halt all activities and become borderline catatonic). I’m mostly optimistic about his future, and he’s been able to do the alphabet both forwards and backwards, despite having little to no language skills (I posted a photo in this sub not too long ago of his alphabetic prowess). But we went to a botanical garden this past Saturday with his 3-K class, and it was the first time I really got to see how he fares in the peer to peer environment.
It was… not great. He seemed frightened and got clingy with me, even though he’s rarely ever affectionate. And I got to see all the other kids and how they interacted with their parents and each other, and I realized that he’s just light years behind the other kids. I felt very alienated from the other parents. Even when one made an attempt to engage, I found myself apologizing (something I never thought I’d do) because my son was clearly trying to escape and didn’t acknowledge the other person asking him if he liked dinosaurs. My son has no effing clue what a dinosaur is. He knows numbers, letters, and colors.
He’s a smart kid, and I have high hopes he’ll be able to thrive without any special aid, but sometimes it is hard to see the forest through the trees. Or maybe just to believe that it’s possible one day he’ll speak and express himself, and find interests and be accepted for who he is.
So thanks, I guess. Sounds like your little ones grew up to be pretty awesome., Wow thanks for sharing this! Really gives me hope. And congrats on both your kids., [deleted], That’s so heart warming, thank you for sharing ❤️ it lifts me up today, which I really appreciate, as I was kinda sad yesterday. Yesterday we got rejection email from a kindergarten near our place and when asked, they mentioned his ASD as a reason., What was his diagnosis when you received it?, That’s amazing to hear! My son, at 5.5 is fully verbal but I wouldn’t say he’s fully conversational. He can have surface level conversations about things that interest him but isn’t really interested in anything else. He also is an unreliable narrator when I ask him questions about things from the day. He’s not hard to understand but has a lisp. We are hoping he will be like your son in terms of language., I’m sorry you went through something that that, that is entirely unacceptable and I’m glad it bit them in the butt. Like if I can’t come here and talk about my diagnosed autistic child just because someone else’s child has higher needs, then where can someone like you or me go? Obviously we don’t relate in neurotypical parenting groups a lot of the time either. So while there are people saying that this group encompasses all and everyone is equally autistic, it does seem like there is a divide sometimes., The celebrate is a big one, and since not all of our higher functioning kids started out... well high functioning, it can give hope to others that things can *improve*. Both of my kids are a testament to how drastically things can change. I saw one new parent post here a few days ago asking for support and encouragement. They wanted to know the "positive" things so they had hope.
They didn't get that, one user even told them pretty much life is now going to be a nightmare., Right? Like I don’t pretend to know the hardships other people go through, I only know my own. But that post felt like a safe place and it ended up not being so.
I would NEVER post a celebration of my children here. I have a feeling it would be accepted poorly., Congrats on your son! I would love for mine to get a full ride, but well see what happens. What major did your son end up choosing? My son still does great at math but he stopped his obsession with it. I hate math... I am not sure how good you are with it, but it felt weird seeing my son already pass me up in middle school (and a bit embarrassing). =D
I should've gotten my son a whiteboard, I never even thought of that., Someone mentioned that they got their kid a white board. I kind of wished I had thought of that. Just wanted to share the idea since equations can get pretty crazy!, Actually studies have shown that only about 38% of autistic children have an IQ below average, 40% have above average intelligence, and 22% have average intelligence. I am not sure what the correlation is between the different low/moderate/high support needs and IQ are but for the most part, the majority of autistic children are either average or above average intelligence., It seems like at least 1/2 of the kids in his schools gifted program have ASD. It's pretty amazing in my opinion, almost a requirement. =)
I think the hyper-fixation attribute really helps., >What improvements did your son end up having socially? How was his social life in Middle school, and now?
Mostly interacting with people in general. He holds normal conversations well enough now that you can't tell that he ever struggled. Social life... that hasn't changed as much, but did improve. He has a small group of friends at school who also have ASD + giftedness. So eats lunch with them and shares some classes. Prior years he spent a lot of time sitting alone and rarely connected with other kids. He does not hangout with anyone outside of school still though, but of course at this point that's on him.
We spend a lot of time together doing hobbies together however, so at least he has that., The peer to peer thing is SO COMMON regardless of their level. My daughter was very anxious growing up, especially socially. She couldn't do anything herself (like go into a store alone) until really only a few years ago. But when little they were both fairly similar to your son. But I mean a lot of NT kids are that way also.
And ya my son didn't share many interests with other kids either. So anything outside of his hyper focused subjects were off the table. It made him for sure alienated. Kids were off put by his lack of even liking superheroes. But I will say I NEVER apologized for either of them. But I don't do well socially myself and other parents make me annoyed due to being so fake and arrogant. I simply can't small talk about nonsense, so I stay away from random people. AKA screw their opinions. =P
> I have high hopes he’ll be able to thrive without any special aid,
Don't try to avoid that, especially if it's suggested by the school. It's not a negative thing, and really can't hurt. =), =)
Thanks, I perhaps am a bit "overly" proud, but everyday I just can't believe what my son accomplishes. And yes please don't give up hope, all kids change as they get older and with support and love who knows how far they will go., The support mostly came from school; speech, OT and socialization groups. We practiced the speech and OT exercises at home, but outside of that we pretty much just used a lot of patience. My son however wasn't diagnosed until 5 so luckily he was able to get an IEP and start services., No problem. While they're still developing, there is hope.
At least here in USA, you often get better mileage from public school system (which includes kindergarten). They're required to try and accommodate special needs kids., Autism+ global developmental delay., My son normally would simply talk about his interests and not really "engage" in a back and forth. Kind of just kept rattling on about whatever. Luckily he did become conversational eventually, and will debate over almost anything now. I am sure your son will improve as he gets older, especially with speech therapy. My son also got some classes on social interaction through his IEP. So maybe that could be something down the road for yours.
All I can say is don't give up on hope, regardless I am sure he will improve over time. =), I definitely don't know what to do when the celebrations I see here are like "My kid shat in the toilet today" and mine are more like, "My kid just got a software engineering internship"., Economics.
Me too!! I'm awful with Math! Just terrible. My husband his step dad is also(2e) gifted and phenomenal with math. Though my husband is musically gifted, I should be clear., Got my kid a chalkboard/whiteboard easel from Ikea when she was little. She loved that whiteboard so much! She's also a math person. Studying calculus and physics now., Oh man, he loves the white board but we have a smart fridge which is really just a place where he draws and writes on the whiteboard app. This morning, he was typing huge numbers out or writing cube roots. He goes through entire notebooks writing out equations in one day. We should really get him a nice, big whiteboard for Christmas but he’s so bad at covering markers back up…, Yeah! That intense focus. Some professional athletes too when they are just so determined sometimes I think maybe they are not neurotypical either, Thanks.. sounds like he still enjoys spending time on things together with his parents and that's great. Over time, hopefully he meets someone he can spend the rest of his life with, The pride is justified :) it’s the dream of many ASD parents, mine included, We’ve looked into social classes. He’s very interested in playing with other kids but has no idea how. Especially since his language isn’t 100%.
But that’s good. Like I can have full conversations about large numbers or space or sharks or something. But if I wanted to talk to him about an excavator that we see out the window, he’ll ignore me. I don’t have a lot of opportunity to speak to parents of older children like mine so I’m just sort of swimming in the dark!, Exactly. Like no shame to those accomplishments but it’s not relatable to me and my family., That is awesome, it seemingly would be SO beneficial for math. And congrats on your daughters achievements!, >he’s so bad at covering markers back up
It's always mind blowing that simple things can be difficult for people with such high intelligence levels. My son never puts the lids back on pretty much anything he opens... it drives me nuts., Ya I don't know how anyone does it. My wife's been waiting for me to fix the sink for a few months now., I know hopefully he does, he hasn't even shown interest in anyone. But of course he is 15 and that's something regardless he probably wouldn't share. lol, My son still isn't interested in hanging out with other kids. So it's good yours already at least wants to. =)
Ya that's how both my son and daughter were, very topic specific. My daughter still at 20 will bring things up that she already knows the answer to. Usually revolving around life memories, it drives us nuts. But supposedly that's a fairly common thing for ASD kids. It makes them feel some form of "comfort" in already knowing the answer.
But I found as they got older some of those things become annoying as you know they understand. lol Like stop asking me what happened when we brought our dog home.
Ya I wish this sub was a bit more receptive to parents of higher functioning children. It's always nice to talk to people as WE still go through struggles ourselves., Right?? Even my three year old daughter can do it but with my son, it’s like pulling teeth and then he’s bummed he can’t use the whiteboard anymore when it was entirely preventable., He’ll happily play alone, don’t get me wrong! But he also seems interested in other kids.
Exactly. I find that there are very few places to relate to other parents or find answers. So I always enjoy speaking to parents with kids like mine!, The worst for me is pills... my son will get an allergy pill and leave the cap off. Then you go take it out, or it gets knocked over and pills spill everywhere. At least your son isn't in high school..., Hahaha fair! But I think he’ll always be a nutty professor.
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Sudden Bathroom Trouble
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My 4 yo daughter who has been potty trained for months now is suddenly pooping in her pants every day. She had a large bowel movement that she said hurt and ever since then she will not poo on the potty. She is semi verbal so getting her to tell me what is going on is hard. Have any of you run into this before? Any ideas on ways to get her back on track?
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Yes, we’ve were in this same boat last year. Fully potty trained 4 year old who suddenly started pooping in her underwear almost every day. Her special ed teachers and we basically had to start from square one with potty training her again, but the problem persisted for three months. Then one day, my kiddo decided to wake up and use the potty again. Just went right back to being fully potty trained. And we’ve had no issues for 1+ year now. Sorry I don’t have better advice. I wish I could pinpoint something we did or something we think triggered the regression, but honestly I cant think of anything. Good luck!, Yes, we’ve were in this same boat last year. Fully potty trained 4 year old who suddenly started pooping in her underwear almost every day. Her special ed teachers and we basically had to start from square one with potty training her again, but the problem persisted for three months. Then one day, my kiddo decided to wake up and use the potty again. Just went right back to being fully potty trained. And we’ve had no issues for 1+ year now. Sorry I don’t have better advice. I wish I could pinpoint something we did or something we think triggered the regression, but honestly I cant think of anything. Good luck!, Yes, we’ve were in this same boat last year. Fully potty trained 4 year old who suddenly started pooping in her underwear almost every day. Her special ed teachers and we basically had to start from square one with potty training her again, but the problem persisted for three months. Then one day, my kiddo decided to wake up and use the potty again. Just went right back to being fully potty trained. And we’ve had no issues for 1+ year now. Sorry I don’t have better advice. I wish I could pinpoint something we did or something we think triggered the regression, but honestly I cant think of anything. Good luck!, Yes, we’ve were in this same boat last year. Fully potty trained 4 year old who suddenly started pooping in her underwear almost every day. Her special ed teachers and we basically had to start from square one with potty training her again, but the problem persisted for three months. Then one day, my kiddo decided to wake up and use the potty again. Just went right back to being fully potty trained. And we’ve had no issues for 1+ year now. Sorry I don’t have better advice. I wish I could pinpoint something we did or something we think triggered the regression, but honestly I cant think of anything. Good luck!
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Sudden Bitting.. ?? Help..
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Has, anyone experienced thier toddler biting for no reason?? My little girl 2 1/2 has recently started biting and biting hard enough to draw blood. It is very rare and doesn't seem to have any reason. Out of no where she just attacks and bites really hard and draws blood multiple times. Then it is instantly over she doesn't seem mad or upset at all.. only upset from our reaction. Then a few mina later says I feel better now ans she will apologize.. but then will happen again the next day or 2 down the road.. she has done it or attempted to properly 10 times in the last month.
She has never been to day care or around other kids much, but supposed to start the early preschool at 3 yeara old. But very worried she might do this to other kids.
Has anyone else experienced this? How long did it last? How did you stop it?
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Kind of going through this now with our soon to be ASD 3 3 YO LO.
He goes to ABA but has picked biting up out of frustration. We redirect with Chewelry and he always wears one of those blue coil necklaces made out of plastic that looks like old school landline phone cords.
Its just one of many things that requires redirecting., My son used to bite his mom when he was around 2 yrs and 9 months old. Weirdly enough, it seemed like he was doing that out of effection because he was doing so when he was having a great time with his mom.
He stopped after my wife started biting back.
Edit: This was before he was diagnosed with level 3 autism., I bit back for a short time. Not super hard but enough to make him uncomfortable. Grandma also joined in on the biting back to get the point across. The phase didn't last long. Maybe 2 weeks, Does she have any teethers that reach back farther in her mouth? Between 2 and 3 years is when the second molars start to come in and they seem to take forever to fully erupt.
ETA: the reason she might be saying it feels better a few minutes later could be because counter pressure can help with the teething., Kind of going through this now with our soon to be ASD 3 3 YO LO.
He goes to ABA but has picked biting up out of frustration. We redirect with Chewelry and he always wears one of those blue coil necklaces made out of plastic that looks like old school landline phone cords.
Its just one of many things that requires redirecting., My son used to bite his mom when he was around 2 yrs and 9 months old. Weirdly enough, it seemed like he was doing that out of effection because he was doing so when he was having a great time with his mom.
He stopped after my wife started biting back.
Edit: This was before he was diagnosed with level 3 autism., I bit back for a short time. Not super hard but enough to make him uncomfortable. Grandma also joined in on the biting back to get the point across. The phase didn't last long. Maybe 2 weeks, Does she have any teethers that reach back farther in her mouth? Between 2 and 3 years is when the second molars start to come in and they seem to take forever to fully erupt.
ETA: the reason she might be saying it feels better a few minutes later could be because counter pressure can help with the teething., Kind of going through this now with our soon to be ASD 3 3 YO LO.
He goes to ABA but has picked biting up out of frustration. We redirect with Chewelry and he always wears one of those blue coil necklaces made out of plastic that looks like old school landline phone cords.
Its just one of many things that requires redirecting., My son used to bite his mom when he was around 2 yrs and 9 months old. Weirdly enough, it seemed like he was doing that out of effection because he was doing so when he was having a great time with his mom.
He stopped after my wife started biting back.
Edit: This was before he was diagnosed with level 3 autism., I bit back for a short time. Not super hard but enough to make him uncomfortable. Grandma also joined in on the biting back to get the point across. The phase didn't last long. Maybe 2 weeks, Does she have any teethers that reach back farther in her mouth? Between 2 and 3 years is when the second molars start to come in and they seem to take forever to fully erupt.
ETA: the reason she might be saying it feels better a few minutes later could be because counter pressure can help with the teething., Kind of going through this now with our soon to be ASD 3 3 YO LO.
He goes to ABA but has picked biting up out of frustration. We redirect with Chewelry and he always wears one of those blue coil necklaces made out of plastic that looks like old school landline phone cords.
Its just one of many things that requires redirecting., My son used to bite his mom when he was around 2 yrs and 9 months old. Weirdly enough, it seemed like he was doing that out of effection because he was doing so when he was having a great time with his mom.
He stopped after my wife started biting back.
Edit: This was before he was diagnosed with level 3 autism., I bit back for a short time. Not super hard but enough to make him uncomfortable. Grandma also joined in on the biting back to get the point across. The phase didn't last long. Maybe 2 weeks, Does she have any teethers that reach back farther in her mouth? Between 2 and 3 years is when the second molars start to come in and they seem to take forever to fully erupt.
ETA: the reason she might be saying it feels better a few minutes later could be because counter pressure can help with the teething.
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Suggestions for safe ways to meet sensory needs
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We have a 4 year old who is a big sensory seeker and I want to find better ways to help her meet her needs. She loves to crash into things and a big thing she will do is get on top of her car (we have like a mini car ramp for the kids) and purposely crash into the couch or a big wooden toy they have, she will also throw herself against the wall and hit her head against said walls too. We’ve been gifted a crash pad so hopefully that will help. She also really likes to feel sensations in her face. She’ll open palm smack herself in the face, rub it against the wall or other textured surfaces, I’ve also noticed her scratch her face (not hard enough to leave any marks). She also does both crashing and hitting herself during meltdowns, the only difference is she gets more aggressive towards herself when upset. I’m worried she’ll hurt herself and we want to redirect her and give her some tools she can use in public as well. I’m especially nervous because she will be starting transitional kindergarten when the new school year starts and it will be at a whole new school with a whole new set of teachers and classmates. If anyone has any suggestions I’d really appreciate it. Thank you!
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My kid was like that when he was younger. He loved crashing into things and hit himself when melting down/regulating. Pt suggested pressure things. They have canoe’s that have pressure. A swing like a small hammock swing( I’m blanking on the name) but my son loves that. He rocks in it and it also encloses him so he gets that input. Scooter boards with pads to crash into. He got a lot of that therapy young and now he is 10 and doesn’t need that sensory stuff anymore besides the swing. We also did the brushing technique., Thank you! We’re currently on the waitlist to get her into OT, but from what I’ve heard I think it’ll be really beneficial for her. We’re currently trying to get a pod swing approved by our insurance since she loves enclosed spaces. I’ll look into the scooter boards and the canoe, is it a sensory pod? Also have you ever tried the sensory sock or bedsheet? I’ve been curious about those, I’m not sure how she’ll take to them, Good Ot helped sooo much! It’s like a sensory pod yeah. We have tried those for us waste of money. He likes to be in enclosed spaces but able to move if that makes sense. The sheets, vests, blankets all of that was waste of money he hated feeling enclosed and not moving. The canoe worked for us but not his favorite the swing was great., I know exactly what you mean, our daughter is similar. She loves tight spaces, but will get upset if she can’t get out when she wants out. Hopefully OT will have some things she can try before we commit to buying., My kid was like that when he was younger. He loved crashing into things and hit himself when melting down/regulating. Pt suggested pressure things. They have canoe’s that have pressure. A swing like a small hammock swing( I’m blanking on the name) but my son loves that. He rocks in it and it also encloses him so he gets that input. Scooter boards with pads to crash into. He got a lot of that therapy young and now he is 10 and doesn’t need that sensory stuff anymore besides the swing. We also did the brushing technique., Thank you! We’re currently on the waitlist to get her into OT, but from what I’ve heard I think it’ll be really beneficial for her. We’re currently trying to get a pod swing approved by our insurance since she loves enclosed spaces. I’ll look into the scooter boards and the canoe, is it a sensory pod? Also have you ever tried the sensory sock or bedsheet? I’ve been curious about those, I’m not sure how she’ll take to them, Good Ot helped sooo much! It’s like a sensory pod yeah. We have tried those for us waste of money. He likes to be in enclosed spaces but able to move if that makes sense. The sheets, vests, blankets all of that was waste of money he hated feeling enclosed and not moving. The canoe worked for us but not his favorite the swing was great., I know exactly what you mean, our daughter is similar. She loves tight spaces, but will get upset if she can’t get out when she wants out. Hopefully OT will have some things she can try before we commit to buying., My kid was like that when he was younger. He loved crashing into things and hit himself when melting down/regulating. Pt suggested pressure things. They have canoe’s that have pressure. A swing like a small hammock swing( I’m blanking on the name) but my son loves that. He rocks in it and it also encloses him so he gets that input. Scooter boards with pads to crash into. He got a lot of that therapy young and now he is 10 and doesn’t need that sensory stuff anymore besides the swing. We also did the brushing technique., Thank you! We’re currently on the waitlist to get her into OT, but from what I’ve heard I think it’ll be really beneficial for her. We’re currently trying to get a pod swing approved by our insurance since she loves enclosed spaces. I’ll look into the scooter boards and the canoe, is it a sensory pod? Also have you ever tried the sensory sock or bedsheet? I’ve been curious about those, I’m not sure how she’ll take to them, Good Ot helped sooo much! It’s like a sensory pod yeah. We have tried those for us waste of money. He likes to be in enclosed spaces but able to move if that makes sense. The sheets, vests, blankets all of that was waste of money he hated feeling enclosed and not moving. The canoe worked for us but not his favorite the swing was great., I know exactly what you mean, our daughter is similar. She loves tight spaces, but will get upset if she can’t get out when she wants out. Hopefully OT will have some things she can try before we commit to buying., My kid was like that when he was younger. He loved crashing into things and hit himself when melting down/regulating. Pt suggested pressure things. They have canoe’s that have pressure. A swing like a small hammock swing( I’m blanking on the name) but my son loves that. He rocks in it and it also encloses him so he gets that input. Scooter boards with pads to crash into. He got a lot of that therapy young and now he is 10 and doesn’t need that sensory stuff anymore besides the swing. We also did the brushing technique., Thank you! We’re currently on the waitlist to get her into OT, but from what I’ve heard I think it’ll be really beneficial for her. We’re currently trying to get a pod swing approved by our insurance since she loves enclosed spaces. I’ll look into the scooter boards and the canoe, is it a sensory pod? Also have you ever tried the sensory sock or bedsheet? I’ve been curious about those, I’m not sure how she’ll take to them, Good Ot helped sooo much! It’s like a sensory pod yeah. We have tried those for us waste of money. He likes to be in enclosed spaces but able to move if that makes sense. The sheets, vests, blankets all of that was waste of money he hated feeling enclosed and not moving. The canoe worked for us but not his favorite the swing was great., I know exactly what you mean, our daughter is similar. She loves tight spaces, but will get upset if she can’t get out when she wants out. Hopefully OT will have some things she can try before we commit to buying.
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Suggestions needed
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Hi guys! I have a 5yr old autistic daughter. Recently at school she has started biting… ALOT…
What have you guys done to stop biting.
I talk to her, I bit her back one time, nothing seems to work.
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Do you think she is sensory seeking?, My son also bites himself. I have nothing more to add. Just venting. lol. #help, Is it out of anger ?, My 2yo son bites as a form of communication. It is very painful. He'll be really bad about it for a couple of weeks then stop for a few months... And then it starts again. It's starting to scare me. He's drawn blood and left marks on my face neck and shoulders.
What I think it means is this: I need more stimulation, I need food, My mouth hurts, I need a squeeze, and lastly I'm mad at you.
He is nonverbal. He's trying. I always tell him no bite and take a 5 minute break in the bathroom by myself (mainly to check out the damage). Then I go through the process of determining which thing it is. Sometimes I cuss up a storm because it really hurts. Not my best approach but I'm human. He has not yet bit anyone other than family. I fear it... Every time he is out with my parents I dread this happening.
My older guy always has a chewy necklace. He's never been a biter but he can't keep things out of his mouth. The necklaces really help him., Have you been able to rule out dental issues?, We have been dealing with this for the last two years. It is probably the number 1 stress inducing issue I have to deal with. I get called to pick him up several times a month.
When he gets older, and if it does not get better, I will probably be forced to get my advocate lawyer to pressure the school to force the EA to wear proper PPE anti bite armor and sleeves.
We have tried everything, and in our IEP action plan meetings the teaching staff is also out of answers. It happens when he is upset, or in transition between activities. Some times it happens for no reason at all.
I realize and agree that the teaching support staff does not get enough pay. At the same time though, they went to school to do this very job, and to balk when it becomes difficult is frustrating.
Many jobs require PPE. From nurses in hot gowns and masks, to high wire men in heavy safety harnesses. Electricians don't get mad to wear rubber gloves and boots. Yet some how, for some reason, asking an EA to armor themselves against a student with intellectual disability is somehow wrong??
If you read the teachers forum, the way they talk about our special needs kids is very upsetting., I’m in the same boat, trialling Biphentin with him because he has ADHD and I thought perhaps it would help with the impulse control. He’s been biting since he had teeth and I’ve tried literally everything to stop him.
Giving gum when he’s getting agitated can help but I have to catch him at the right time and I’m not sure the school will go for giving him gum.
Lately he’s been biting my clothes instead of biting me which is an improvement but still the impulse is there. I have tried chewlery, I have tried OT practices, chewy foods, if he’s angry it’s going to happen., I believe it’s out of anger, last week when she bit me, she was mad that I wouldn’t allow her to have something. Earlier this week she tried to bite a student when they took her toy.
Disclaimer she is my one and only, and is really only around other kids at school., I haven’t thought about that, but she does go to the dentist routinely, Paras have no educational or training requirements here. They didn’t go to school to do this…, I’m so sorry, lucky I haven’t encountered a bad teacher, but I know my days are numbered. My mom also used to be a special Ed assistant so I personally know her head teacher and the assistant teacher is the same one as last year., Honestly, when my kid bit me out of anger, I turned around and bit him right back and then told him no mouth so now every time he gets frustrated and looks for something to bite he doesn’t go after me. I have his buzz buddy to provide that oral stimulation so he doesn’t bite anyone., Next time you visit the dentist, it might be worth mentioning this issue specifically. Even if it's not a cavity, they might be able to spot something indicating gum or jaw pain.
I'm sure you've done this, but are you able to ask yes/no questions about why she's biting people? "Why" can often be more helpful than "don't", especially if there's an underlying emotional/sensory/pain reason., haha that is absolutely silly but you are right. In Colorado you do not need any education to work with disabled children. They do "Recommend" a 2 year degree though.
In Canada, and I'm assuming most other places, they do require certification., I have tried biting her back but most of the time it isn’t me she’s biting. She never even started until school. She calmed down for a while but recently started again. I don’t like biting at all. I was bitten by a child when I was 4 and it’s not okay.
And then thinking she’s in there biting someone else doesn’t sit right with me. I don’t want her to start this habit for someone else., Right, I understand entirely! How is her receptive language? Does she understand some thing like no mouth?, She does. No biting today, but dad also dropped her off and warned her no electronics if she doesn’t keep her mouth to herself., Honestly, I feel like telling her that every day could possibly help…? What do you think
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Supplements for toddlers with autism
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I would like to know if there is anything that helped your kids with speech? We tried omega 3 and now starting broccoli sprouts. Thanks q
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I would try activities which build on joint attention, my son is more chatty since we’ve been regularly doing table time., Speech therapy 4 days a week helped ours., No. Anything claiming to be is a scam, and quite possibly harmful to your child. Most of these products are made by conspiracy minded individuals or those who deny science and medicine and they have little to no oversight and regulation, leading to potentially dangerous products. Any supplement claiming to be for autism should be EXTREMELY suspect. Furthermore, no supplement would ever help with speech or most/any other symptoms. Anyone claiming otherwise is likely relying on pseudoscientific baloney. At absolute best, the only thing any type of supplement would ever help with with autism are co-occurring physical conditions like gut issues, lack of vitamins from a restricted diet, etc., supplements do not have a provable effect on speech and should only be used in the case of nutritional deficiencies or by doctor recommendation, I would be wary of supplements with toddlers. They vary a lot from manufacturer to manufacturer and there is no real oversight into what each supplement contains. Are you concerned because they are not eating a balanced diet? Smoothies with fruit, spinach, yogurt, extras like chia and flax are easy to hide.
I would check with a developmental pediatrician about it. Good luck!, Probiotics have been scientifically shown to help with gut issues. There are many vitamins and minerals that can help support our kids but they should be seen by a nutritionist or naturopath to get testing done in order to properly support., Long periods of exposure to children honestly. Every summer my daughter gets to spend with her 5 cousins she always have a massive leap in ability. Starting school helped a lot too. Speech therapy really only helped her receptive, but not the production part of language.
I give my kid a multivitamin and a probiotic because I'd do that for any kid. It's just good for them., Any supplementation should first be cleared with a doctor. A lot of stuff out there is flat out snake oil, or even harmful. And if they're making extraordinary claims, they require extraordinary evidence.
Does your child have access to alternative methods of communication - PECS, AAC, ASL? My younger son's speech has started blossoming since he got his AAC device.
I try to model in front of him at least 15 minutes a day at the table. It might be while we play with playdough, while eating, etc. If we go to the petting farm, I might model, "I see... Goat," etc.
Really, it's a matter of finding different, engaging activities for your child. Something they can pay attention to, even if it's only seconds at a time., My daughter has improved alot on simple spectrum, I supplement because my kid is picky. I don't know about speech improvements, but vitamin b6, magnesium, and l-tyrosine helps him be not as spacey. When he spaces out, he tends to regress and he's been doing it a lot for the past 6 months. So I supplement again.
I would say what helped with his speech was watching Super Simple Songs and the like on YouTube. He went from completely nonverbal at age 2 to singing and then to saying words. It's how he learned his alphabets, numbers, shapes, and animals. You have to interact with your child while it's playing, so it's not just him zombieing out in front of the screen., I wouldn’t give them any supplements without a recommendation from the pediatrician. If they have particular dietary deficiencies, a doctor might recommend you give a vitamin or mineral supplement. Most other supplements are essentially placebos or have negligible effects. If you must go the supplement route, get a well known name brand. The industry is unregulated, but the more legitimate companies have their own higher standards and are more transparent about their products. I know you want to help your child, but spending a lot of money on what will be at best, expensive urine, and at worst, liver failure, is not the way., I think it’s worth giving a probiotic each day, especially if your kid has any constipation issues which might be causing any loss of focus due to discomfort., My daughter is totally non-verbal and hasn't benefitted from the supplement but i know of a few people personally who have kids with ASD that HAVE seen great results with speech.
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It's called "leucovorin." It's more or less highly concentrated B vitamin. Best of luck to you!, There is a lot of backlash against supplements, but I think they’re fine and can help. Just don’t expect a “cure” and be wary of scams and snake oils. I would do a multivitamin, probiotic, and fish oil. There are studies on fish oil helping the brain in a variety of ways. As long as the supplements are safe and cleared by your doctor, there shouldn’t be an issue. :), My daughter takes an iron supplement because her limited diet means she is missing it, but I don't think that is what you mean.
There is no magic pill or juice that is going to make the autism go away. Save your money. They are selling you false hope., B6 and magnesium. I read in children with autism by micheal powers. My son has taken it and I notice an speech improvement, i’ve heard great things about DHA, i started giving it to my son daily but it’s only been about 5 days so i don’t have any updates yet lol, Probiotic, fresh orange juice, vitamin D, fish oil,avoid sugar and junk food, This is not medical advice and I don’t want to spread mis information. I was reading on the autism.org website that parasites can exasperate some symptoms of autism and my son has pica so he puts all sorts in his mouth. As advised by a doctor we all took some parasite removal medicine and it helped temporarily alleviate some symptoms and help calm him down. Though this might just be purely by chance and not related., My son has the MTHFR mutation (I do not) and I have been giving him SmartyPants Toddler Formula Daily. His speech hasn’t progressed a whole lot but I do notice he’s a bit more regulated when he takes them. I am in the process to see if possibly there are liquid vitamins that would not require me to chop up gummies everyday though., I don’t think people in this sub reddit know enough about supplements. Try r/supplements
I know nac has been found to reduce repetitive behaviours & the lady at the health food store near me said that mct oil is meant to be good.
I’m right into supplements for my wife and my own health, I haven’t yet gone down the rabbit hole for my son cuz he’s only 4 and I want to get a professional to help guide us, but yeah I know fish oil is good for Adhd, iron can help with sleep issues and nac and glutathione is supposedly beneficial, I would assume tmg would also be beneficial because many on the spectrum have issues with methylation. But this is pure speculation, head over to r/supplements there’s a few of us on the spectrum over there that are actually interested in supplement & longevity sciences, whereas I personally haven’t encountered anyone here that’s particularly knowledge on the topic- I could be wrong, but that’s my experience., Private speech therapy as well as the school district special Ed class. So I wanna say it was 5 days a week of speech and interaction? I mean we did multivitamins too, but there are a lot of studies that show that no one absorbs too much of them. I still like giving them for my peace of mind since my kids are very picky to say the least., The only supplements would be speech therapy. Don't buy into the snake oil., I know it sounds realllllly stupid and some articles have kind of dubbed it a myth or an old wives tale but we have moved our son over to a non-dairy and gluten free diet (stupidly expensive to do in the UK) but we have noticed he is more attentive and giving us opportunities to establish more eye contact which we can build on., That’s what we need to do! What activities?,
If stool has yeast GI tract is loaded with yeast.
Treated with Diflucan which generic is fluconazole. You will need a prescription. Nystatin is good, stays in GI tract. Bactrim generic is Sulfoxazole. These bad yeasts can produce gliotoxin which depletes glutathione, which autistic kids are low on. Brain function needs adequate glutathione.
Supplement with Probiotics to change GI flora. Supplement with N-Acetyl Cysteine (NAC), the precursor to Glutathione on Amazon. Avoid carbs, sugar if you can.
Consult your pediatrician to possibly space out vaccines. Avoid TYLENOL...See lecture on Vimeo.com/93293595 "Glutathione depletion by Gliotoxin then acetaminophen causes oxidative stess metal intoxication and Autism". Candida yeast needs to be eliminated.
Consult your pediatrician to possibly space out vaccines as these kids are metal intoxicated and many vaccines have aluminum adjuvants. Oral Chelation needs a rigorous clinical trial to lower metals.
Avoid TYLENOL...THIS IS NOT MEDICAL ADVICE., reeeeee, AAC device is essential - agree with comments. It's a tough line to walk because you don't want to provide a crutch too early (assuming speech will come....) but you know your kid best, and will make the right decision. My daughter has done very well with the AAC device (we not have an iPad we call her "device" and programmed/continue to program her favorite foods, her toys, therapists, etc. so she can use it for most things she would otherwise be communicating to us verbally.
If you go this route, make sure you enforce the usage across all forums (home, school, therapy, etc.). It only works when you do., I think a kid's multi-vitamin is fine. I don't think liver failure from that is a real risk. There are real risks though to a kid with a poor diet not getting enough vitamin d, iodine, etc. A lack of iron is also a problem, but that isn't in most kid's multi-vitamins because ingestion of too much would be dangerous. So it should be kept in a locked cabinet., Leucovorin is folinic acid, a form of B9. My son takes it (17 and ASD) and it definitely helps with expressive language in him. He tested positive for folate receptor autoantibodies. Leucovorin is the pharmaceutical, but you can also buy folinic acid OTC, but the dosage is much smaller., Yes! This helped my son as well. Not a miracle cure, but I wouldn't do without it, Yes, we saw very good improvements with vitamin B12, B9 folinic acid, and TMG. I think different cases of autism have different causes, so different people will have different results., I want to start my son on B6 and magnesium. Which ones do you use?, Sounds similar to Suramin? This drug is currently in clinical trials for Autism. Interesting if it helped for you., My son doesn't take any gummies either and I have been giving him Child Life Multi-Vitamin & Mineral vitamins which comes in liquid form., https://www.communicationclubhouse.com/activities-for-joint-attention/ check these, I’ll add more resources later, I just buy the liquid version off Amazon., Thank you for this recommendation ☺️ I will be looking into it since it’s a lot easier than cutting up gummies and having him spit some of them out at times!
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Suspected Autism - 12.5 Months
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My 12.5 month old son is a happy boy who is a great eater and sleeper. He doesn’t walk yet, but he crawls well, pulls himself up on everything, walks with his walker and cruises on furniture. His gross motor skills are on track - he has a good pincer, presses buttons well, can stack rings, feeds himself with his fingers, holds his own water bottle, lifts up puzzle pieces etc. He gives good eye contact and smiles a lot. He will imitate us if we make kissing sounds/kissy face, coughing sounds, if we blow our tongues. He babbles - mostly lalala, dadada, wawawa - I will occasionally get Ma, ba or na. He is always excited to see me when I pick him up from daycare or enter a room. He plays with toys in their proper manner - stacks rings, ball in the hole, flips pages in books, will open and close cause and effect toys, spin and press buttons where appropriate. He is affectionate, giggles when we nuzzle him, likes when we hold and sing to him, will lift his arms a bit when I reach and say up, and he can be soothed when I hold him.
As you can see, he does a lot of really great things. My area of concern is joint attention:
- he does not consistently follow a point
- he prefers to play with his toys alone, but is happy to play with us when we engage or help him. With that said, he does not consistently look up or check in with us. He really only does if he expects us to say yay or uh oh based on previous experience with that toy.
- he does not hand me toys or bring me items. At most he will reach for something and whine, but does not look at me to help. But once I initiate the action (like reading him the book), he gets very excited.
- he doesn’t have many gestures. He only claps. He does love clapping and will look at us to clap back or say yay. He has not begun waving or pointing, though I understand he has time to do this. At this point, he just reaches.
- his name response is inconsistent. He is most responsive to me. He will almost always look when I enter a room and say his name or say hi, but when he’s playing or engrossed in a toy, he is unlikely to respond.
- he doesn’t understand simple instructions like where is dada. He might know our dogs name or what a ball or book is. It’s hard to tell. I think he understands no.
- he doesn’t have words yet (though this doesn’t concern me)
- he apparently can wander off during group circle time at daycare (this seems like it could also just be typical toddler behaviour)
Other things he does that could be quirks of sorts:
- he rocks a bit, especially if pressed against a hard surface or in his high chair.
- he makes a hmmmmm sounds during the day. It is easy to break though and doesn’t interfere - if I talk to him or give him something, he stops.
- he doesn’t seem to have sensory issues but often holds his blocks that have different patterns and ridges and just feels them.
I know these can be red flags for autism and I know early intervention is key. We will start speech therapy. But is a lack of joint attention always autism or can this simply develop or be improved over time? When did your baby’s joint attention really emerge?
Of course I love my son no matter what and will get him into any program he needs. It’s just when I look at him, it’s hard to see, except as it relates to joint attention. Some other big markers like hand flapping or limited eye contact or social smiling, sensory issues, food and sleep issues are not there or have not emerged.
Any thoughts would be appreciated!
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Is there some reason you're jumping to autism? As in, your doctor is concerned, or you have another child who is diagnosed autistic? I'm mostly just being curious.
My son only had subtle signs ...but it didn't occur to me that something might be wrong until closer to age 2., My 4yr old had the same walking delay, rocked back and forth, and liked to be holding/fidgeting with something like a block. She was pretty friendly as far as smiling and letting people hold her. She never flapped her hands and would also repeat sounds. This turned out to be echolalia and not an actual understanding of the words. She was diagnosed at 2 yrs and still has trouble speaking and running but has progressed a lot. Her rocking eventually turned to full-blown smashing the back of her head into things, unfortunately, but she only does it when extremely overwhelmed.
My 5yr old is nonverbal and more severe, but she crawled and walked on time. She never hand flapped unless she was very upset and smiled at everyone she saw. She loved eye contact and still does, although it's very hard to get her attention. She never rocked but would hum quite a bit. This turned out to be a stim. She usually did it while falling asleep or when upset. She also never handed me anything and still doesn't. She's never pointed. One time she did wave goodbye to me, though. She also lined up toys often. She was diagnosed at 2.5 yrs and is still mostly nonverbal but is a very happy girl that loves to learn.
The spectrum is so broad and each case can be very different. I feel that 1.5 yrs is too early to tell, but some of the behaviors and lack of that you described reminded me of my ASD girls when they were that age. I think a conversation about it with the pediatrician wouldn't hurt, just in case., Everything I read online suggests that delays in autism almost always correlate with an autism diagnosis. Is that incorrect?, Your baby probably isn't considered delayed with these milestones. Not going to say too much because I'm not an expert, but your baby actually sounds very social, and autism is primarily a social disorder. For sure keep an eye on things and speech therapy never hurts.
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Suspicious of childs mother.
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First time posting here haha! Quick background. My daughter is on the slectrum and also non verbal with issues with her eyesight. Myself and my daughters mother have been split for a few years now. For the majority of the time, I have no concerns about my daughter when she is at her mother's (4 days p/w). However, recently I have noticed that my daughter has started flinching and covering her eyes when upset and we move just to comfort her and make sure she is okay, it's almost as though she thinks we are going to hit her and it breaks my heart... the last thing I want for my daughter is for her to be fearful like that and to be going through something like that and not be able to tell me (also mostly non verbal). Is there anyone who has experienced similar behaviours? I'm torn between raising it with her mother because I know from past experience I will be told one thing when the opposite is happening so can't believe a word she says. Any advice from someone who had experienced/been through similar is greatly appreciated! I just want to make sure my little girl is safe and happy.
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I had a weird similar situation with kid flinching for no reason and it turned out to just be a phase. I don't know if they were mirroring something that they saw on TV or what was up but it didn't last very long just a few weeks and then it was gone and it was freaky!! No hitting in this house for sure so it was bizarre to say the least and this kid did not leave my side except to go to school where I have complete faith that they were not being hit.
Now please take into consideration this is just anecdotal evidence of one person on the internet and it means nothing. If you check everything out though and it seems like there is nothing happening, no injuries on the child, no reason to suspect anything, it could just be one of those things that happens, like a tic they get it out of their system after a few weeks and it's gone. I really hope it's that., My 4.5 year old has started this randomly too and is with me 24/7 so I know there's no face slapping happening., I had a weird similar situation with kid flinching for no reason and it turned out to just be a phase. I don't know if they were mirroring something that they saw on TV or what was up but it didn't last very long just a few weeks and then it was gone and it was freaky!! No hitting in this house for sure so it was bizarre to say the least and this kid did not leave my side except to go to school where I have complete faith that they were not being hit.
Now please take into consideration this is just anecdotal evidence of one person on the internet and it means nothing. If you check everything out though and it seems like there is nothing happening, no injuries on the child, no reason to suspect anything, it could just be one of those things that happens, like a tic they get it out of their system after a few weeks and it's gone. I really hope it's that., My 4.5 year old has started this randomly too and is with me 24/7 so I know there's no face slapping happening., I had a weird similar situation with kid flinching for no reason and it turned out to just be a phase. I don't know if they were mirroring something that they saw on TV or what was up but it didn't last very long just a few weeks and then it was gone and it was freaky!! No hitting in this house for sure so it was bizarre to say the least and this kid did not leave my side except to go to school where I have complete faith that they were not being hit.
Now please take into consideration this is just anecdotal evidence of one person on the internet and it means nothing. If you check everything out though and it seems like there is nothing happening, no injuries on the child, no reason to suspect anything, it could just be one of those things that happens, like a tic they get it out of their system after a few weeks and it's gone. I really hope it's that., My 4.5 year old has started this randomly too and is with me 24/7 so I know there's no face slapping happening., I had a weird similar situation with kid flinching for no reason and it turned out to just be a phase. I don't know if they were mirroring something that they saw on TV or what was up but it didn't last very long just a few weeks and then it was gone and it was freaky!! No hitting in this house for sure so it was bizarre to say the least and this kid did not leave my side except to go to school where I have complete faith that they were not being hit.
Now please take into consideration this is just anecdotal evidence of one person on the internet and it means nothing. If you check everything out though and it seems like there is nothing happening, no injuries on the child, no reason to suspect anything, it could just be one of those things that happens, like a tic they get it out of their system after a few weeks and it's gone. I really hope it's that., My 4.5 year old has started this randomly too and is with me 24/7 so I know there's no face slapping happening.
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Suspicious of daughter also being autistic
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My 9yr old son was dx ASD lvl1 last year, and Dad was self dx aspie as well and now we’re suspicious about little sister.
We’re pretty sure she’s already ADHD but we’re starting to think she might also be autistic due to her extreme rigidity and re stimming behavior. For example yesterday we were playing family board game. The rotation was from youngest to oldest, but were weren’t sitting accordingly so the turns went in a clockwise circle. So I moved my spot to the right of my daughter. Every time it was an adults turn she would complain that the order was not correct. I said that I moved so that we can take our turns and go clockwise instead of a weird figure 8/zigzag order because we kept getting confused. She was so stuck on the order being from youngest to oldest instead of just going in a circle. I ended up moving my seat back where I was because she simply would not budge. AT ALL. Situations like this happen regularly where she gets really rigid and wont budge and it turns into a meltdown. She also has meltdowns at least once daily mostly as soon as she gets home from school. It was much much worse when she was 1-5 years old. Multiple daily meltdowns - its been exhausting. We think she may be AuDHD.
She does have friends at school and loves to be social though - part of the reason why we didn’t suspect anything at first. Though we do find it interesting that her best friend is likely also on the spectrum due to the many autistic traits the girl possesses - which we learned from the mother, but that another post for another time.
Can anyone relate? Would love to hear other parents experience. We also plan to bring this up to her pediatrician next month.
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Autism in girls is SO much different than it is in boys. ESPECIALLY If there is an ADHD comorbidity. I am AuDHD. Our ADHD side can over shadow the ASD side. Girls tend to not struggle as much socially bc we will mask a lot. Her breaking down after school resonated with me so much. We spend so much of school masking that when we get to our safe space we crash.
Here is a paper explaining a lot about how ASD present differently in girls.
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40489-020-00197-9, A little chaos can be good. Learning that things sometimes aren't the same every time is good for development, even if it results in a meltdown. I used to walk on eggshells around my son until I realized it was giving him unreasonable expectations, now I don't give in as much and he has started to adapt., Autism in girls is SO much different than it is in boys. ESPECIALLY If there is an ADHD comorbidity. I am AuDHD. Our ADHD side can over shadow the ASD side. Girls tend to not struggle as much socially bc we will mask a lot. Her breaking down after school resonated with me so much. We spend so much of school masking that when we get to our safe space we crash.
Here is a paper explaining a lot about how ASD present differently in girls.
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40489-020-00197-9, A little chaos can be good. Learning that things sometimes aren't the same every time is good for development, even if it results in a meltdown. I used to walk on eggshells around my son until I realized it was giving him unreasonable expectations, now I don't give in as much and he has started to adapt., Autism in girls is SO much different than it is in boys. ESPECIALLY If there is an ADHD comorbidity. I am AuDHD. Our ADHD side can over shadow the ASD side. Girls tend to not struggle as much socially bc we will mask a lot. Her breaking down after school resonated with me so much. We spend so much of school masking that when we get to our safe space we crash.
Here is a paper explaining a lot about how ASD present differently in girls.
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40489-020-00197-9, A little chaos can be good. Learning that things sometimes aren't the same every time is good for development, even if it results in a meltdown. I used to walk on eggshells around my son until I realized it was giving him unreasonable expectations, now I don't give in as much and he has started to adapt., Autism in girls is SO much different than it is in boys. ESPECIALLY If there is an ADHD comorbidity. I am AuDHD. Our ADHD side can over shadow the ASD side. Girls tend to not struggle as much socially bc we will mask a lot. Her breaking down after school resonated with me so much. We spend so much of school masking that when we get to our safe space we crash.
Here is a paper explaining a lot about how ASD present differently in girls.
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40489-020-00197-9, A little chaos can be good. Learning that things sometimes aren't the same every time is good for development, even if it results in a meltdown. I used to walk on eggshells around my son until I realized it was giving him unreasonable expectations, now I don't give in as much and he has started to adapt., Autism in girls is SO much different than it is in boys. ESPECIALLY If there is an ADHD comorbidity. I am AuDHD. Our ADHD side can over shadow the ASD side. Girls tend to not struggle as much socially bc we will mask a lot. Her breaking down after school resonated with me so much. We spend so much of school masking that when we get to our safe space we crash.
Here is a paper explaining a lot about how ASD present differently in girls.
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40489-020-00197-9, A little chaos can be good. Learning that things sometimes aren't the same every time is good for development, even if it results in a meltdown. I used to walk on eggshells around my son until I realized it was giving him unreasonable expectations, now I don't give in as much and he has started to adapt., Autism in girls is SO much different than it is in boys. ESPECIALLY If there is an ADHD comorbidity. I am AuDHD. Our ADHD side can over shadow the ASD side. Girls tend to not struggle as much socially bc we will mask a lot. Her breaking down after school resonated with me so much. We spend so much of school masking that when we get to our safe space we crash.
Here is a paper explaining a lot about how ASD present differently in girls.
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40489-020-00197-9, A little chaos can be good. Learning that things sometimes aren't the same every time is good for development, even if it results in a meltdown. I used to walk on eggshells around my son until I realized it was giving him unreasonable expectations, now I don't give in as much and he has started to adapt., Autism in girls is SO much different than it is in boys. ESPECIALLY If there is an ADHD comorbidity. I am AuDHD. Our ADHD side can over shadow the ASD side. Girls tend to not struggle as much socially bc we will mask a lot. Her breaking down after school resonated with me so much. We spend so much of school masking that when we get to our safe space we crash.
Here is a paper explaining a lot about how ASD present differently in girls.
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40489-020-00197-9, A little chaos can be good. Learning that things sometimes aren't the same every time is good for development, even if it results in a meltdown. I used to walk on eggshells around my son until I realized it was giving him unreasonable expectations, now I don't give in as much and he has started to adapt., Autism in girls is SO much different than it is in boys. ESPECIALLY If there is an ADHD comorbidity. I am AuDHD. Our ADHD side can over shadow the ASD side. Girls tend to not struggle as much socially bc we will mask a lot. Her breaking down after school resonated with me so much. We spend so much of school masking that when we get to our safe space we crash.
Here is a paper explaining a lot about how ASD present differently in girls.
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40489-020-00197-9, A little chaos can be good. Learning that things sometimes aren't the same every time is good for development, even if it results in a meltdown. I used to walk on eggshells around my son until I realized it was giving him unreasonable expectations, now I don't give in as much and he has started to adapt., Autism in girls is SO much different than it is in boys. ESPECIALLY If there is an ADHD comorbidity. I am AuDHD. Our ADHD side can over shadow the ASD side. Girls tend to not struggle as much socially bc we will mask a lot. Her breaking down after school resonated with me so much. We spend so much of school masking that when we get to our safe space we crash.
Here is a paper explaining a lot about how ASD present differently in girls.
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40489-020-00197-9, A little chaos can be good. Learning that things sometimes aren't the same every time is good for development, even if it results in a meltdown. I used to walk on eggshells around my son until I realized it was giving him unreasonable expectations, now I don't give in as much and he has started to adapt.
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Swim nappies
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My step son is 4 but big, he’s in 6-7/7-8 clothes and loves swimming, I’m really struggling to find swim nappies that fit him, does anyone know where in the UK has the best priced and good quality swim nappies for older kids please?
Thank you!❤️
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What about cloth swim diapers/nappies? There’s some on Etsy that go up to size 12 and I’m sure there’s people how would be happy to make custom ones., I have purchased "Swimmates disposable swimwear" in size small when my son was the size you are describing and they worked really well. These are adult swim diapers. I would order them from carewell.com but I'm not sure if this is available in UK. I posted the link below but hopefully by searching for the name you get a vendor in the UK that carries them.
[Swimmates disposable swimwear ](https://www.carewell.com/product/swimmates-disposable-adult-pull-up-underwear/), I personally just use regular diapers for swimming. Swim diapers don’t even absorb anything. It will give him a bubble butt, but I just change mine frequently, Following! Glad to know someone else’s 4 year old is in 7/8 clothes as well., I need disposable ones ideally, I don’t live anywhere near any swimming baths so don’t want to be taking used nappies on buses/trains with me ideally, but I’ll have a look if I can’t find any! Thank you :), Yep, swim diaper doesn’t absorb pee its only purpose is holding deuces. Reusable cloth swim diaper will not give bubble butt and you just twist it dry and pop in ziploc bag to bring home., There are adult disposable ones too. My sons 9 he usually wears a 7 or 8 in most clothes so he’s around the same size as your step son and there’s a lot of overlap between boys sizes and women’s sizes, there’s a good chance an adult XS could fit., Bring a large ziplock bag?, I’d do that if I had my own washer and dryer. I go like a week without doing laundry, I didn’t even think of this! Where would you get adult ones from?
Thank you!, What about rinsing it in sink then hang dry as you get home?, Amazon or if there’s any sort of medical supply stores for the elderly near you., That’s an idea. I honestly usualky just take him behind my house and we go in the water in the creek, so I never take any extra steps to change into swimming shorts or anything. We just go right in with our clothes😂, What about cloth swim diapers/nappies? There’s some on Etsy that go up to size 12 and I’m sure there’s people how would be happy to make custom ones., I have purchased "Swimmates disposable swimwear" in size small when my son was the size you are describing and they worked really well. These are adult swim diapers. I would order them from carewell.com but I'm not sure if this is available in UK. I posted the link below but hopefully by searching for the name you get a vendor in the UK that carries them.
[Swimmates disposable swimwear ](https://www.carewell.com/product/swimmates-disposable-adult-pull-up-underwear/), I personally just use regular diapers for swimming. Swim diapers don’t even absorb anything. It will give him a bubble butt, but I just change mine frequently, Following! Glad to know someone else’s 4 year old is in 7/8 clothes as well., I need disposable ones ideally, I don’t live anywhere near any swimming baths so don’t want to be taking used nappies on buses/trains with me ideally, but I’ll have a look if I can’t find any! Thank you :), Yep, swim diaper doesn’t absorb pee its only purpose is holding deuces. Reusable cloth swim diaper will not give bubble butt and you just twist it dry and pop in ziploc bag to bring home., There are adult disposable ones too. My sons 9 he usually wears a 7 or 8 in most clothes so he’s around the same size as your step son and there’s a lot of overlap between boys sizes and women’s sizes, there’s a good chance an adult XS could fit., Bring a large ziplock bag?, I’d do that if I had my own washer and dryer. I go like a week without doing laundry, I didn’t even think of this! Where would you get adult ones from?
Thank you!, What about rinsing it in sink then hang dry as you get home?, Amazon or if there’s any sort of medical supply stores for the elderly near you., That’s an idea. I honestly usualky just take him behind my house and we go in the water in the creek, so I never take any extra steps to change into swimming shorts or anything. We just go right in with our clothes😂, What about cloth swim diapers/nappies? There’s some on Etsy that go up to size 12 and I’m sure there’s people how would be happy to make custom ones., I have purchased "Swimmates disposable swimwear" in size small when my son was the size you are describing and they worked really well. These are adult swim diapers. I would order them from carewell.com but I'm not sure if this is available in UK. I posted the link below but hopefully by searching for the name you get a vendor in the UK that carries them.
[Swimmates disposable swimwear ](https://www.carewell.com/product/swimmates-disposable-adult-pull-up-underwear/), I personally just use regular diapers for swimming. Swim diapers don’t even absorb anything. It will give him a bubble butt, but I just change mine frequently, Following! Glad to know someone else’s 4 year old is in 7/8 clothes as well., I need disposable ones ideally, I don’t live anywhere near any swimming baths so don’t want to be taking used nappies on buses/trains with me ideally, but I’ll have a look if I can’t find any! Thank you :), Yep, swim diaper doesn’t absorb pee its only purpose is holding deuces. Reusable cloth swim diaper will not give bubble butt and you just twist it dry and pop in ziploc bag to bring home., There are adult disposable ones too. My sons 9 he usually wears a 7 or 8 in most clothes so he’s around the same size as your step son and there’s a lot of overlap between boys sizes and women’s sizes, there’s a good chance an adult XS could fit., Bring a large ziplock bag?, I’d do that if I had my own washer and dryer. I go like a week without doing laundry, I didn’t even think of this! Where would you get adult ones from?
Thank you!, What about rinsing it in sink then hang dry as you get home?, Amazon or if there’s any sort of medical supply stores for the elderly near you., That’s an idea. I honestly usualky just take him behind my house and we go in the water in the creek, so I never take any extra steps to change into swimming shorts or anything. We just go right in with our clothes😂, What about cloth swim diapers/nappies? There’s some on Etsy that go up to size 12 and I’m sure there’s people how would be happy to make custom ones., I have purchased "Swimmates disposable swimwear" in size small when my son was the size you are describing and they worked really well. These are adult swim diapers. I would order them from carewell.com but I'm not sure if this is available in UK. I posted the link below but hopefully by searching for the name you get a vendor in the UK that carries them.
[Swimmates disposable swimwear ](https://www.carewell.com/product/swimmates-disposable-adult-pull-up-underwear/), I personally just use regular diapers for swimming. Swim diapers don’t even absorb anything. It will give him a bubble butt, but I just change mine frequently, Following! Glad to know someone else’s 4 year old is in 7/8 clothes as well., I need disposable ones ideally, I don’t live anywhere near any swimming baths so don’t want to be taking used nappies on buses/trains with me ideally, but I’ll have a look if I can’t find any! Thank you :), Yep, swim diaper doesn’t absorb pee its only purpose is holding deuces. Reusable cloth swim diaper will not give bubble butt and you just twist it dry and pop in ziploc bag to bring home., There are adult disposable ones too. My sons 9 he usually wears a 7 or 8 in most clothes so he’s around the same size as your step son and there’s a lot of overlap between boys sizes and women’s sizes, there’s a good chance an adult XS could fit., Bring a large ziplock bag?, I’d do that if I had my own washer and dryer. I go like a week without doing laundry, I didn’t even think of this! Where would you get adult ones from?
Thank you!, What about rinsing it in sink then hang dry as you get home?, Amazon or if there’s any sort of medical supply stores for the elderly near you., That’s an idea. I honestly usualky just take him behind my house and we go in the water in the creek, so I never take any extra steps to change into swimming shorts or anything. We just go right in with our clothes😂
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Swimming lessons
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My sons 6 (7 this year) and use to be terrified of water, now he can tolerate it just not on his face or ears. I really want him to learn to swim, purely for my anxiety and because he likes paddling around now sometimes, I think it’s important that he knows how to do something that could save his life. Do you think it’s easy enough to teach an autistic child with a semi fear of water to swim or would private swimming lessons be best?
It’s expensive (which is fine but I’d rather not waste money) so I’d like to know other people’s experiences, how did you find teaching your child or would you recommend private lessons?
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You most likely want either a very small group or 1-1. My kid failed the very beginning of YMCA swimming four times (we started them on it because they almost drowned playing Marco Polo at a hotel pool and just wanted them to learn to not drown) because they do it in such massive groups where we live, and then we switched to a smaller, local aquatic center and they picked it up right away., We did private lessons with a place that specializes in teaching kids on the spectrum water safety and swimming skills. It was awesome but expensive. (Swimangelfish is located in the northeast US for the benefit of other users)
Everything they practiced was ritual and routine. Learning to go to the side of the pool was priority one - you can't go in the water until you know how to get out of the water. Even with floats, the learning objective is to swim for a short while then go to the side and hold on.
Next we learned how to get out of the pool. Ladder and stairs are great but also how to climb out. Elbow elbow knee then you can do the other knee.
We didn't blow bubbles right away for the same reason you aren't. We had to get comfortable getting our face in the water. We used swim goggles and tried putting pool toys on the stairs where he could reach. Then putting them down one stair, then one more and one more until he had to put his face in to reach. At first he needed help to get the ones that were deep underwater, just a hand on the back, not really pushing. Eventually we had him picking up dive rings and going through a hula hoop under water.
We also used a lot of songs. Face in the water, dive in sung to the tune of shave and a haircut, two bits. Stuff like that.
Drowning is the leading cause of death for kids on the spectrum if I remember correctly. I will never forget when my kid walked into the pool over his head. It's not just about learning to swim it's about any time that they might end up in the water and not realize the danger. , Oh, I’ll probably go with the 1-1 then! Mainly I want him to learn how to swim enough to not drown, anything else would just be a bonus 😂 it’s £30 a session with a minimum of 5 sessions so I just wanted to make sure it would be worth it! Thank you x, You most likely want either a very small group or 1-1. My kid failed the very beginning of YMCA swimming four times (we started them on it because they almost drowned playing Marco Polo at a hotel pool and just wanted them to learn to not drown) because they do it in such massive groups where we live, and then we switched to a smaller, local aquatic center and they picked it up right away., We did private lessons with a place that specializes in teaching kids on the spectrum water safety and swimming skills. It was awesome but expensive. (Swimangelfish is located in the northeast US for the benefit of other users)
Everything they practiced was ritual and routine. Learning to go to the side of the pool was priority one - you can't go in the water until you know how to get out of the water. Even with floats, the learning objective is to swim for a short while then go to the side and hold on.
Next we learned how to get out of the pool. Ladder and stairs are great but also how to climb out. Elbow elbow knee then you can do the other knee.
We didn't blow bubbles right away for the same reason you aren't. We had to get comfortable getting our face in the water. We used swim goggles and tried putting pool toys on the stairs where he could reach. Then putting them down one stair, then one more and one more until he had to put his face in to reach. At first he needed help to get the ones that were deep underwater, just a hand on the back, not really pushing. Eventually we had him picking up dive rings and going through a hula hoop under water.
We also used a lot of songs. Face in the water, dive in sung to the tune of shave and a haircut, two bits. Stuff like that.
Drowning is the leading cause of death for kids on the spectrum if I remember correctly. I will never forget when my kid walked into the pool over his head. It's not just about learning to swim it's about any time that they might end up in the water and not realize the danger. , Oh, I’ll probably go with the 1-1 then! Mainly I want him to learn how to swim enough to not drown, anything else would just be a bonus 😂 it’s £30 a session with a minimum of 5 sessions so I just wanted to make sure it would be worth it! Thank you x, You most likely want either a very small group or 1-1. My kid failed the very beginning of YMCA swimming four times (we started them on it because they almost drowned playing Marco Polo at a hotel pool and just wanted them to learn to not drown) because they do it in such massive groups where we live, and then we switched to a smaller, local aquatic center and they picked it up right away., We did private lessons with a place that specializes in teaching kids on the spectrum water safety and swimming skills. It was awesome but expensive. (Swimangelfish is located in the northeast US for the benefit of other users)
Everything they practiced was ritual and routine. Learning to go to the side of the pool was priority one - you can't go in the water until you know how to get out of the water. Even with floats, the learning objective is to swim for a short while then go to the side and hold on.
Next we learned how to get out of the pool. Ladder and stairs are great but also how to climb out. Elbow elbow knee then you can do the other knee.
We didn't blow bubbles right away for the same reason you aren't. We had to get comfortable getting our face in the water. We used swim goggles and tried putting pool toys on the stairs where he could reach. Then putting them down one stair, then one more and one more until he had to put his face in to reach. At first he needed help to get the ones that were deep underwater, just a hand on the back, not really pushing. Eventually we had him picking up dive rings and going through a hula hoop under water.
We also used a lot of songs. Face in the water, dive in sung to the tune of shave and a haircut, two bits. Stuff like that.
Drowning is the leading cause of death for kids on the spectrum if I remember correctly. I will never forget when my kid walked into the pool over his head. It's not just about learning to swim it's about any time that they might end up in the water and not realize the danger. , Oh, I’ll probably go with the 1-1 then! Mainly I want him to learn how to swim enough to not drown, anything else would just be a bonus 😂 it’s £30 a session with a minimum of 5 sessions so I just wanted to make sure it would be worth it! Thank you x, You most likely want either a very small group or 1-1. My kid failed the very beginning of YMCA swimming four times (we started them on it because they almost drowned playing Marco Polo at a hotel pool and just wanted them to learn to not drown) because they do it in such massive groups where we live, and then we switched to a smaller, local aquatic center and they picked it up right away., We did private lessons with a place that specializes in teaching kids on the spectrum water safety and swimming skills. It was awesome but expensive. (Swimangelfish is located in the northeast US for the benefit of other users)
Everything they practiced was ritual and routine. Learning to go to the side of the pool was priority one - you can't go in the water until you know how to get out of the water. Even with floats, the learning objective is to swim for a short while then go to the side and hold on.
Next we learned how to get out of the pool. Ladder and stairs are great but also how to climb out. Elbow elbow knee then you can do the other knee.
We didn't blow bubbles right away for the same reason you aren't. We had to get comfortable getting our face in the water. We used swim goggles and tried putting pool toys on the stairs where he could reach. Then putting them down one stair, then one more and one more until he had to put his face in to reach. At first he needed help to get the ones that were deep underwater, just a hand on the back, not really pushing. Eventually we had him picking up dive rings and going through a hula hoop under water.
We also used a lot of songs. Face in the water, dive in sung to the tune of shave and a haircut, two bits. Stuff like that.
Drowning is the leading cause of death for kids on the spectrum if I remember correctly. I will never forget when my kid walked into the pool over his head. It's not just about learning to swim it's about any time that they might end up in the water and not realize the danger. , Oh, I’ll probably go with the 1-1 then! Mainly I want him to learn how to swim enough to not drown, anything else would just be a bonus 😂 it’s £30 a session with a minimum of 5 sessions so I just wanted to make sure it would be worth it! Thank you x
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TIRED OF BEING ALIVE
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I’m a parent to a severely autistic 3 year old child who often hums, bites, and kicks, leading to many sleepless nights for me. Balancing my time between work, as I run my own business, and caring for him is incredibly challenging. Despite investing in ABA therapy and other treatments, while we’ve seen some improvements, such as in eye contact, we’re always faced with new and challenging behaviors. Recently, his impatience and tendency to bite have become significant concerns.
The constant demand of managing these behaviors on top of work responsibilities has left me utterly exhausted and emotionally drained. At times, the situation feels insurmountable, and I find myself struggling with feelings of hopelessness and a lack of patience, which only adds to the stress and sense of isolation.
I’m reaching out for advice or shared experiences from other parents who have faced similar challenges. How do you find the strength and hope to continue during such trying times? Any guidance on navigating this journey would be greatly appreciated.
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3yo age was the worst for us. ASD level 3
Tiny human. No biting but a lot of hitting, tantrums, breaking things, throwing things, etc. I honestly didn’t know how we would get past it. I cried thinking this was the rest of my life. She would be Screaming for hours at a time sometimes. No talking, no eye contact, refusing to eat most things, clobbering me with toys… I working full time, no family or support, barely sleeping or eating from the stress…
Then we got to 4 and it was like a calm came over my kiddo and although still at times chaotic and overly energetic… the hitting stopped. The throwing things stopped. Things very slowing began to improve… so all I can say is, I don’t know if it will get better for you but I am sending positive vibes into the universe for you and your little. And I hope you see improvement and progress. I know what that struggle looks like, and I feel for you. You are doing an amazing job! And must love your little so much that you are draining yourself to keep up 💛, I second 3 being the worst age for us so far (he’ll be 5 in 5 months). Parenting is hard as shit. I’ve always been overstimulated by noise, and even my son’s “happy noises” deeply overstimulate me. Hell, I’ve been lying in bed for 90 minutes licking my wounds after wrestling my 3 year old NT toddler to sleep.
Parenting never ends. We know we have to wake up in the morning and do it all again. Therapies help but it can take a really long time to see progress. My son has been in ABA, speech and OT for 2.5 years and I definitely see progress. By the time he goes to kindergarten he would have been in those therapies for 4 years.
I am the sole income for the household and I’m very ambitious professionally. I hire help to give me breaks. I’m on medication and so is my son. Every little bit helps. I’m using all the tools I can find. I empathize deeply with you. ♥️, Toddler years were brutal. There is an overwhelming probability that he’ll improve over time especially given that he’s already getting therapy. Progress can be slow and feels excruciating especially when no one is having much fun.
Try to find joy in small things. A podcast you like or maybe he likes to go for walks in a wagon or stroller. I used to like car rides becuase she was in her seat and I could listen to music and drink coffee and feel normal.
Just one day at a time. You’re doing great., Just want to say I'm literally in the same boat right now. My 3 year old ASD son had night terrors last night. I'm on about 2 hours sleep right now, had to keep him home from preschool which meant I had to stay home as well, and I have absolutely zero fucking energy but I also have to take care of my son, who despite having only slightly more sleep then I did, is completely full of energy and is showing no signs of slowing down.
You are not alone. I don't know if that helps you at all but it definitely helped me to read your post and see that I'm not the only sleep deprived half delirious parent of a child who can't control his own emotions, which means I have to often sacrifice myself to make sure he doesn't hurt himself.
I have no strength to go on, but somehow, I do anyway. Hang in there, and best of luck., My son is also level 3. Life is horrible at times. I feel you. Trust the process. He might get better with time. He needs you to be with him, to live with him.
Stay strong, write the little things that makes you feel joy, even if they are minimal.
Many people say “proud autistic mom/dad” and that “they wouldn’t change a thing” and we all know that is some BS! This is something i wouldn’t wish on anyone and definitely not the life i ever imagine to have when i thought of having a family of my own. But this is what life gave me and you. So we have to be there for them and guide them.
My biggest advice is to try and work your self, find something distracting to do, find a passion, find an activity that can help you bond with him… something to feel alive. To feel love for him. Because truly you are all he needs and depends on.
You sound like a very tired and overwhelmed dad. You need your time and space to feel better.
Im dealing with my own battles. But honestly Autism is such a huge spectrum that sadly what others do with their kiddos is a hit or miss. You just have to observe him and analyze the why of his behaviors and see if if communication, pain or overstimulation.
Hang in there, you are a great Dad!, So is there any possibility he’s constipated, my child bit(excessively) and we were able to figure out she was constipated despite having two bowel movements a day. We pulled her off milk and I’ve noticed a change. For the sleeplessness ask his doctor about starting a b12 in the morning and melatonin/magnesium citrate supplement in the evening about 30 minutes before bed. You’ve got this, if you’re looking for people in your local area reach out to Special Olympics, I promise you, you will find a wonderful support group., This probably sounds kinda dumb, but watching the show Love on the Spectrum on Netflix helped me out a lot during a low time after my daughter’s level 3 diagnosis. It helped a lot to see the autistic adults and their relationships with their families. It gave me something to hope for and made me think maybe we’ll be alright if other families like us have made it work., My 6 yo non verbal was the same way! Still is from time to time. We finally got his medication nailed down and it has made a world of difference. I feel like we got our child back. Medication might seem scary at first ( I felt the same way ) but it is the best thing ever for him!, My son is 3 and has just discovered anger. Several months ago he discovered sadness. I honestly can’t tell which was worse for my husband and I maybe anger bd im getting bitten or my hair pulled multiple times a day now.
My sweet little angel baby is temporarily out of commission so Idfk. I guess I’m just here to say solidarity. Sounds like it’s time to do something just for you. It won’t be a long term fix. But it’ll help I hope. Hang in there friend., Navigating the complexities and challenges of parenting a child with severe autism is undeniably tough, and it's clear you're doing an incredible job managing these challenges despite the immense pressure they place on you. Your dedication to your child's well-being, amidst managing a business and tackling sleepless nights, is truly admirable. Remember, it's okay to feel overwhelmed and seek support—you're not alone in this journey.
Here are a few suggestions and reminders that might offer some comfort and assistance:
1. **Connect with Community**: Engaging with forums, support groups, or local communities of parents in similar situations can provide invaluable emotional support and practical advice. Sharing experiences can help reduce feelings of isolation and provide new insights or strategies for managing challenging behaviors.
2. **Respite Care**: If possible, look into respite care services. Even a few hours a week can provide you with essential rest and time to recharge, which is vital for your well-being and, by extension, the well-being of your family.
3. **Celebrate Small Victories**: Progress in areas like eye contact is significant. Celebrating these milestones, no matter how small they seem, can help maintain a positive outlook and remind you of the progress being made over time.
4. **Seek Professional Support**: If you haven't already, consider talking to a mental health professional for yourself. It’s important to care for your own mental and emotional health. Therapists can offer strategies to manage stress and cope with the feelings of hopelessness and isolation.
5. **Explore Additional Therapies**: If certain therapies aren't yielding the desired outcomes, it might be helpful to explore other options. Every child is unique, and sometimes it takes a bit of trial and error to find the right combination of therapies that work.
6. **Focus on Self-Care**: It's often said, but easily overlooked—taking care of yourself is crucial. Simple activities like reading, taking short walks, or practicing mindfulness can make a significant difference in your overall well-being.
7. **Educational Resources and Assistance**: Look into educational resources and programs that might be available for your child. Early intervention programs, special education services, and behavioral therapies can offer support tailored to your child’s needs.
8. **Advocacy**: Become an advocate for your child’s needs in all settings. Understanding your rights and services available can be empowering and can open up additional support avenues.
Remember, it's okay to ask for help and take breaks. You're doing an extraordinary job under exceptionally challenging circumstances. Your strength and commitment to your child's growth and happiness are commendable. Keep reaching out, stay connected with those who understand, and never hesitate to seek the support you deserve., My son was just like yours. He is level 3 and non speaking and it is hard! It does get better though. My son is six years old now and he's much easier to take care of than when he was three. I'm not saying things are perfect and no longer hard, but age does make a big difference! This community understands and we're all here for you. Your life will improve, and so will your child's. Three is a very hard age even when the kid is neurotypical, hang in there! It does get better, things got a million times better after he started kindergarten., I have 6 yr old autistic twins and it really is so hard. My marriage is over, I initiated divorce a few weeks ago, but I'm sure the stress of the twins had a lot to do with its demise. I get so frustrated sometimes I just sit on the floor and cry and scream at the top of my lungs.
It took two years to potty train one twin and now I'm almost 8 months into training the other. The potty-trained twin had two back-to-back potty accidents (like poop all over the floor and wiped her butt with a couch pillow) this past weekend and I absolutely lost it. All the hard work and frustration seems never-ending.
I honestly hate my life most days, but I just get over it and find ways to distract myself from the misery. I listen to music or think about an upcoming vacation or start looking for my dream pieces of furniture and make a Pinterest board, or doom scroll on social media, get into specific genres of films, or whatever.
Just writing to say, I'm also not so happy about life right now., 2 and 3 are hell., you will get through it, but:
1) take turns getting good night sleep with your partner
2) get respite care, PCAs, friends, relatives — whatever — time when you can go somewhere else. often these are limited and kind of suck, but you need to be able to recharge.
3) talk to your primary care or paychiatrist and your child’s pediatrician or psychiatrist about meds that may help — either you or your child.
You can get through it, and it CAN improve. You’re at a hard juxtaposition of all things right now, but it will get better. slowly.
4) Get other help. finding good help that can directly help WITH your child is always hard. If you can’t find that, get other types of help — with laundry, house cleaning, etc..
Order groceries. Or meals. Use disposable plates. whatever you can do that lightens the load.
School is coming, and, while that will bring plenty of its own challenges, it will provide a lot of daily relief., Three is a terrible age, like most others have agreed.
Gentle advice: Focus on health and safety, but let the other stuff go. Eye contact isn't essential, and it may stress your child more- which in turn stresses *you* more. This also goes for things like eating at the table. Reject "therapy" that doesn't make sense for your child's developmental stage. He may need more time, or just have an alternate way of "being."
Sending support., So sorry to hear that 🙁💜🙏
Sounds like maybe you need a break/disengage some, I pretty much feel the same so i dont have great advice 💜, 3 is absolutely the hardest. My boy is level 3 nonverbal he’s 4.5 now thankfully. Honestly just take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. Remember it is okay to cry and you’re doing your best and that’s okay!, I’ve heard 3 years old is the worst for autistic kids. So maybe it’s all uphill from here!, I feel like this at least once a week 🥴 my two year old is level 3. What I have found to be most helpful is keeping the faith and knowing that things could be worse. I also pray daily and sometimes I feel like the higher power always seems to know when it's all too much for me because I'll get blessed with a small break out of nowhere. I also use a gratitude jar. It helps keep my grounded and lifts me up whenever I start to feel like it's all too much. Try to focus on the progress that has been made. Ask for help and don't be afraid to accept it when it's offered. I know it's tough. Hang in there mama 💓, I felt helpless when my son was 3, I wasn't sleeping more than 1-2 hours at a time and his aggression was really activating my PTSD. (3 has also been the hardest age for my neurotypical kids.) My mental health deteriorated and I had to take a medical leave of absence from work to attend intensive inpatient therapy shortly before he turned 4.
He's 5 now and has been in full-time ABA for a year. He does go through phases where there is more biting and scratching but we can communicate better. He's still nonverbal, but he is finally open to learning some signs and after getting an AAC device for him it became obvious he can already spell a ton of words! He is getting his needs met better. I know ABA and speech therapy have been a big part of his progress, but so has the passage of time.
3 year olds are experiencing molars (hence more biting), their brains are growing so rapidly that sensory issues are magnified, plus kids tend to have sleep issues when going through developmental leaps. It's even harder for ASD kids because their brains don't always shut off and their bodies aren't always producing melatonin at the right time/right amounts.
Your son may continue to struggle with communication and destructive behaviors, but I believe you're probably experiencing the very worst of it. If you need extra support, consider letting his ABA crew know how much you're struggling at home. My son's ABA therapist and case manager have recently started coming into our home twice per week for parent training., Can you get Respite? Can anyone else take him while you rest?, No advice just hoping for better days for you and kiddo 💙, 3 is the worst age? I was in medical school. My 16 year old daughter kicks me in the face, breaks my phone- I have no friends, no family wants anything to do with me or her, I sacrificed everything to raise her and my husband of 20 plus years always was working and it was always me raising her, my slightly more functional autistic son - I felt like a single parent but always knew he was working and there for me, especially when our oldest, died at 16. Now he admitted it’s been 20 years of lies and infidelity. I have nothing. I sacrificed everything for nothing. My birthday is March 27 and I just want it to END, Tired of being alive is a good way to put it. I remember telling hus I felt the kids sucked me dry. Both my kids are on a Spectrum & I'm sorry to tell you, it never got better for me. We are now 70 & 75 & he tells me he looks forward to dying. Having children was not a joyous experience for me. It was fraught with worry, shame, fear, despair.
Think my oldest is Asperger. He was on Ritalin. 'Didnt like it' so clinic said he didnt have to. Killed hamster, loner, drugs, shoplifting, now estranged from fam at almost 36. Never married, underachiever, emotionally stilted. Blames us.
Youngest is Bipolar, almost 33. Her oldest dau is Spectrum, 8. Smearing stool, no friends, wets bed, school struggles.
I feel like our fam has bad DNA. It's good my son had no children. He told me I shouldnt have had him because I'm Bipolar. My parents had things wrong with them (birth father sexual deviant, birth mother alcoholic & narcissistic) but my daughter threw a wrench in the DNA by marrying a low-IQ person & having Irish Twins with him. The 2-yr old has delayed speech. Not sure what's wrong with 1-yr old yet.
There are so many MH problems today; not enuf proper healthcare available. I hope the right help comes to you because from my Vantage Point the only advice is: Respite. I hope you can get time away for self-care ie massage, pedicure, walk in a tulip field, etc. Whatever will restore you & heal you til the next crisis.
I did not have that. We were estranged from my family & the kids grew up with just us two. No respite help except hus & he worked two jobs. Lots of mistakes, looking back. Like all parents say, we did our best., We started doing ABA along with developmental pre-school when my son was three, his attention got improved which improved his understanding. He will be 4 this June, there is a lot of improvement. I recommend the same., Taking a neurodiversity affirming approach has been the best thing for us. Your child does not need to make eye contact to learn or participate. I’m neurodivergent myself and making constant eye contact actually makes listening and learning more difficult. Embracing differences and moving forward with a different perspective and different approach can do wonders for some ND kids. ABA may be stressing your child out to where they are only able to display the behaviors you’re seeing when they’re with you at home. It often sounds like parents are describing how much they’re fighting against their child’s natural way of being and it’s actually making the behaviors worse. We embrace our daughter for exactly who she is and only focus on working through behaviors in a positive way that could affect others and we see improvements all the time. Sure, every kid is different, but I believe many parents are stressing themselves out more because they’re so busy trying to change who their child is and not giving them much of a chance to flourish despite their differences and hurdles. I’ve also realized that our daughter develops and progresses on her own timeline so we stopped pushing to reach “milestones” on a specific timeline and focus instead on building on her strengths and now she reaches them on her own timeline, just a little behind what’s “typical” for her age and is happy during the process. This approach has made her so much more receptive in those times where she does need to go outside her comfort zone and we know she feels she can trust us which makes a difference as well., This made me super sad to read, because my wife and I understand. It's very hard, but our kids need us. My son was really violent at three because he didn't understand much of what was going on around him and add to this equation that we couldn't understand his needs, he would lash out.
Things will get easier. Not because the challenges will go, because in all honesty that just change. This will get easier because you will be more able to bare that load. Christ gives us all a cross to bare and this is yours. The fact you are still going and still here is demonstrative of how strong you are. Our children were lucky to be born to us as parents, but more importantly we are blessed to have them as our kids.
For every rough time now, there are twice as many good times and we have the experience to change the surroundings to mitigate our sons upset and to regulate his sensory needs.
I'm praying to God for you. You've got this. Hang in there., Sometimes I just strap him into his car seat with a snack and drive around with a coffee for 20 months. It helps a little. But the number 1 thing that helps me is anti depressants.
I’m sure you have already tried so many things for the biting, but, just in case, have you tried buying a variety of chewies and keeping them on you and him 24/7? Try to stop the bite and give a chewie if you can, but if it’s too late, once he releases the bite say “no, bite this” and give a chewie?
I got bit twice, really bad a few weeks ago. They actually scarred., I also agree with the 3 yr old mark being hell! lol
The most challenging period either my son so far. If your son had a hard time sleeping, consider giving him melatonin. He needs to rest; we get stressed out on lack of sleep, same with little ones. Even worst because they don’t know how to self regulate(being a toddler and autistic). Try to make your routine as easy as possible for both of you and rest, whenever is possible!, Please find time to disconnect even for an hour, for minutes from all of your responsibilities at work and at home. Whether it’s sitting in your car, investing in headphones so you can have a little break while home or to be able to leave for a walk if possible. Three was hard age for us but things have gotten so much better. All the work and exhaustion is paying off but not without hard impossible days but you got this. You aren’t super human so you need to take a break even a small one. For me it’s headphones, CBD and watching a tv show while he’s in aba while I fold laundry. Your brain and body cannot keep spinning 24 hours a day and while I know babysitters or Nannie’s aren’t possible for many of us for many various reasons taking a short break to even sit outside and play a game on your phone or scroll Pinterest, anything really does help. When my son wants to vocalize stim he can but then mom puts her earbuds in and catches up on a podcast. Sending you love! It does get better., I believe my daughter is a level 3 with some 2 traits. She is nonverbal, uses gestures, and points now. 4 and 5 were her worst ages. She would scratch and kick me when there was a break in routine. The one thing I recommend is developing a routine and sticking to it. Once I had her in school her behavior improved tremendously. We still have some issues but I was able to develop a routine for her and stick to it. My main thought is that it gets better. I remember struggling to want to get up but doing it for your child is necessary. You are their world., I just feel compelled to say that if you are not talking to a therapist regularly- it has changed and potentially saved my life, >She would be Screaming for hours at a time sometimes.
Yep this is a good place to park my opinion.
As many others here will and have already attested, 3-5 seems to be the absolute worst age. Ours peaked at 5 years old with screaming and SIB literally ALL WAKING HOURS. Your mental health suffers immensely.. We had to move to Colorado just to get access to ABA because we aged out in our state sitting on wait lists. She has grown significantly there in the past year and a half, but it also gave us an 8 hour break every day which that alone helps. Her ASL grew a lot there as there are several staff who studied it in college, and she has suddenly come to understand how AAC works there. So that communication component alone has reduced behaviors IMMENSELY.
She still engages in SIB and protesting, but its not even close to 1-2 years ago. Its more often she wants someone else to shut up right now. Her whole motive to be nice to her baby brother and her dog is to shut them up from screaming/barking., I'm trying to delegate because I only get like 10 hours a week to even work at best, but now don't even have enough time to simply oversee others doing my work., This was me today. Walks around the pond in the stroller , sometimes it’s his car with an ice coffee and I’m already feeling better, Joy in the small things especially podcasts have been a saving grace for me when I’m overwhelmed by this all too!, My daughter has night terrors and also is 3yo. How do you deal with the night terrors?, You are not alone either. Anytime you need to scream, or vent, or whatever, please feel free to dm me. My daughter is grown now, but those years 2-5 were the worst. It got better., Thanks for sharing ❤, Seconding this. I've not seen Love on the Spectrum but a bittersweet sitcom called There She Goes gave me some rueful laughs and comfort. It's almost like social stories for adults - it helps! , Would you mind telling me what kind of medication you’re giving him. I’m giving my son Guafacine and it’s no change in his behavior, Fantastic list, thank you 🙏, Damn, Autistic Twins!! you are definitely a super woman. You are very strong. It’s okay to feel the way you do. I can’t even imagine what you must deal with. Kuddos to you.
Hopefully life will get better and they will also be better❤️
Stay strong for them!, thank you for your mention of the melatonin and about the shutting off of the brain. this has helped me understand some of my son's behaviors a lot better and I intend to research more on these subjects. thank you!, Thank you for sharing. I hope you and your spouse get rest and time for self care., Yup. I’m I believe at the peak right now with my ASD lvl 3 son and he’s 5.5 yrs old. It doesn’t help that he’s built like Tarzan- seriously he’s so strong and twice the size of other kids his age. He looks like he plays football. I have another child who is 9, a girl, and she’s ASD lvl 1. She peaked at around 4 yrs old and I remember back then thinking “I cannot do this”. Age definitely helped with her and many cannot tell she has autism. My son is a totally different story as he is non verbal.
I’ve said it a million times on this sub but the only thing getting me through right now is HOPE. That’s all that got me through before. When I look back to when my daughter was 4 I thought there was no way she would ever be able to function in society and here we are today she has done a total 180.
I believe with my son I will need to look into medication bc although it hasn’t been diagnosed yet- I think he has some pretty bad adhd and that is inhibiting his learning with all his other therapies. I cannot have him in school right now bc where I live there are no special ed programs- zero- nothing. He does go to speech and OT and has 6 of those therapies a week that I take him to.
Op, I also have my own business and it’s been a HUGE struggle trying to do that along with all the therapies and then raising my other two children and all their school stuff, maintaining the house, etc. Some days are better than others but I am TIRED.
You are not alone!, Right? Often the little things can really help., Basically, by any means necessary. First thing I focus on is calming him down, so I go through my checklist of potential causes of him awakening (hungry, thirsty, diaper, etc.). Sometimes he just needs to be held. If none of those are an issue, I turn on the lights and put on his favorite cartoon, which usually works best. I let him calm for 15-20 minutes and thenI put him in the car and drive around the neighborhood until he falls back asleep (driving him in the car is my go-to when I need him to fall asleep in normal situations as well, something about the vibrations, I put on calming music, it just works for him).
I don't know if it's the most efficient system, or if it is applicable to your situation in any way, but I hope that helps. It has varying levels of success, some nights it works relatively quickly and I only lose an hour or so of sleep, some nights it takes much longer and I get him back to sleep but am unable to go back to sleep myself.
Best of luck to you and your daughter getting through the night terrors. My son is having them less frequently as he gets older, there's light at the end of the tunnel., I appreciate the thought. Usually if I do feel alone, I read some of the stories in this sub about what others are going through and it makes me feel a little better because I can not only feel like I'm not the only one dealing with this, but also maybe I see somewhere where I can pass along something that helps me to someone else and make their experience easier in some small way.
I've always been an optimist and am relentlessly positive. I had no idea how beneficial that skill was going to be until I became a dad of an ASD kid., We started with Resperidone and just recently added in Guafacine, I believe the guafacine is more for the ADHD side of things, where the resperidone is for his ASD.
The very first week on resperidone was a God send! Immediately noticed a mood change. Just had to dial in the dosage over a few months, My son takes a tiny dose of melatonin 4 hours before bed to help him produce his own melatonin. He takes only 0.1 mg whereas his pediatrician initially recommended taking 1-3mg before bedtime. I used to give him 0.5mg before bedtime, but he'd wake up groggy and irritable. This video had some information about low dose melatonin and the body clock: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mf3mhui8Bo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mf3mhui8Bo), Thank u. I get LOTS of rest because I have chronic pain & lay down every afternoon after lunch to read & watch AU tv on my laptop. It works for me., I'm also an optimistic person, counting blessings was always my go-to. Being part of this sub is so helpful., Did he get the side effect of gaining weight on resperidone?, I am glad you have time for yourself., No weight gain but he eats everything in sight now. He used to be very picky, Wow, the medication helped with his picky eating? My almost 6 year old is extremely skinny and has a very limited diet. It's very triggering for my husband along with the vocal stimming and obsession with screens/devices. I should discuss with our ped., 3yo age was the worst for us. ASD level 3
Tiny human. No biting but a lot of hitting, tantrums, breaking things, throwing things, etc. I honestly didn’t know how we would get past it. I cried thinking this was the rest of my life. She would be Screaming for hours at a time sometimes. No talking, no eye contact, refusing to eat most things, clobbering me with toys… I working full time, no family or support, barely sleeping or eating from the stress…
Then we got to 4 and it was like a calm came over my kiddo and although still at times chaotic and overly energetic… the hitting stopped. The throwing things stopped. Things very slowing began to improve… so all I can say is, I don’t know if it will get better for you but I am sending positive vibes into the universe for you and your little. And I hope you see improvement and progress. I know what that struggle looks like, and I feel for you. You are doing an amazing job! And must love your little so much that you are draining yourself to keep up 💛, I second 3 being the worst age for us so far (he’ll be 5 in 5 months). Parenting is hard as shit. I’ve always been overstimulated by noise, and even my son’s “happy noises” deeply overstimulate me. Hell, I’ve been lying in bed for 90 minutes licking my wounds after wrestling my 3 year old NT toddler to sleep.
Parenting never ends. We know we have to wake up in the morning and do it all again. Therapies help but it can take a really long time to see progress. My son has been in ABA, speech and OT for 2.5 years and I definitely see progress. By the time he goes to kindergarten he would have been in those therapies for 4 years.
I am the sole income for the household and I’m very ambitious professionally. I hire help to give me breaks. I’m on medication and so is my son. Every little bit helps. I’m using all the tools I can find. I empathize deeply with you. ♥️, Toddler years were brutal. There is an overwhelming probability that he’ll improve over time especially given that he’s already getting therapy. Progress can be slow and feels excruciating especially when no one is having much fun.
Try to find joy in small things. A podcast you like or maybe he likes to go for walks in a wagon or stroller. I used to like car rides becuase she was in her seat and I could listen to music and drink coffee and feel normal.
Just one day at a time. You’re doing great., Just want to say I'm literally in the same boat right now. My 3 year old ASD son had night terrors last night. I'm on about 2 hours sleep right now, had to keep him home from preschool which meant I had to stay home as well, and I have absolutely zero fucking energy but I also have to take care of my son, who despite having only slightly more sleep then I did, is completely full of energy and is showing no signs of slowing down.
You are not alone. I don't know if that helps you at all but it definitely helped me to read your post and see that I'm not the only sleep deprived half delirious parent of a child who can't control his own emotions, which means I have to often sacrifice myself to make sure he doesn't hurt himself.
I have no strength to go on, but somehow, I do anyway. Hang in there, and best of luck., My son is also level 3. Life is horrible at times. I feel you. Trust the process. He might get better with time. He needs you to be with him, to live with him.
Stay strong, write the little things that makes you feel joy, even if they are minimal.
Many people say “proud autistic mom/dad” and that “they wouldn’t change a thing” and we all know that is some BS! This is something i wouldn’t wish on anyone and definitely not the life i ever imagine to have when i thought of having a family of my own. But this is what life gave me and you. So we have to be there for them and guide them.
My biggest advice is to try and work your self, find something distracting to do, find a passion, find an activity that can help you bond with him… something to feel alive. To feel love for him. Because truly you are all he needs and depends on.
You sound like a very tired and overwhelmed dad. You need your time and space to feel better.
Im dealing with my own battles. But honestly Autism is such a huge spectrum that sadly what others do with their kiddos is a hit or miss. You just have to observe him and analyze the why of his behaviors and see if if communication, pain or overstimulation.
Hang in there, you are a great Dad!, So is there any possibility he’s constipated, my child bit(excessively) and we were able to figure out she was constipated despite having two bowel movements a day. We pulled her off milk and I’ve noticed a change. For the sleeplessness ask his doctor about starting a b12 in the morning and melatonin/magnesium citrate supplement in the evening about 30 minutes before bed. You’ve got this, if you’re looking for people in your local area reach out to Special Olympics, I promise you, you will find a wonderful support group., This probably sounds kinda dumb, but watching the show Love on the Spectrum on Netflix helped me out a lot during a low time after my daughter’s level 3 diagnosis. It helped a lot to see the autistic adults and their relationships with their families. It gave me something to hope for and made me think maybe we’ll be alright if other families like us have made it work., My 6 yo non verbal was the same way! Still is from time to time. We finally got his medication nailed down and it has made a world of difference. I feel like we got our child back. Medication might seem scary at first ( I felt the same way ) but it is the best thing ever for him!, My son is 3 and has just discovered anger. Several months ago he discovered sadness. I honestly can’t tell which was worse for my husband and I maybe anger bd im getting bitten or my hair pulled multiple times a day now.
My sweet little angel baby is temporarily out of commission so Idfk. I guess I’m just here to say solidarity. Sounds like it’s time to do something just for you. It won’t be a long term fix. But it’ll help I hope. Hang in there friend., Navigating the complexities and challenges of parenting a child with severe autism is undeniably tough, and it's clear you're doing an incredible job managing these challenges despite the immense pressure they place on you. Your dedication to your child's well-being, amidst managing a business and tackling sleepless nights, is truly admirable. Remember, it's okay to feel overwhelmed and seek support—you're not alone in this journey.
Here are a few suggestions and reminders that might offer some comfort and assistance:
1. **Connect with Community**: Engaging with forums, support groups, or local communities of parents in similar situations can provide invaluable emotional support and practical advice. Sharing experiences can help reduce feelings of isolation and provide new insights or strategies for managing challenging behaviors.
2. **Respite Care**: If possible, look into respite care services. Even a few hours a week can provide you with essential rest and time to recharge, which is vital for your well-being and, by extension, the well-being of your family.
3. **Celebrate Small Victories**: Progress in areas like eye contact is significant. Celebrating these milestones, no matter how small they seem, can help maintain a positive outlook and remind you of the progress being made over time.
4. **Seek Professional Support**: If you haven't already, consider talking to a mental health professional for yourself. It’s important to care for your own mental and emotional health. Therapists can offer strategies to manage stress and cope with the feelings of hopelessness and isolation.
5. **Explore Additional Therapies**: If certain therapies aren't yielding the desired outcomes, it might be helpful to explore other options. Every child is unique, and sometimes it takes a bit of trial and error to find the right combination of therapies that work.
6. **Focus on Self-Care**: It's often said, but easily overlooked—taking care of yourself is crucial. Simple activities like reading, taking short walks, or practicing mindfulness can make a significant difference in your overall well-being.
7. **Educational Resources and Assistance**: Look into educational resources and programs that might be available for your child. Early intervention programs, special education services, and behavioral therapies can offer support tailored to your child’s needs.
8. **Advocacy**: Become an advocate for your child’s needs in all settings. Understanding your rights and services available can be empowering and can open up additional support avenues.
Remember, it's okay to ask for help and take breaks. You're doing an extraordinary job under exceptionally challenging circumstances. Your strength and commitment to your child's growth and happiness are commendable. Keep reaching out, stay connected with those who understand, and never hesitate to seek the support you deserve., My son was just like yours. He is level 3 and non speaking and it is hard! It does get better though. My son is six years old now and he's much easier to take care of than when he was three. I'm not saying things are perfect and no longer hard, but age does make a big difference! This community understands and we're all here for you. Your life will improve, and so will your child's. Three is a very hard age even when the kid is neurotypical, hang in there! It does get better, things got a million times better after he started kindergarten., I have 6 yr old autistic twins and it really is so hard. My marriage is over, I initiated divorce a few weeks ago, but I'm sure the stress of the twins had a lot to do with its demise. I get so frustrated sometimes I just sit on the floor and cry and scream at the top of my lungs.
It took two years to potty train one twin and now I'm almost 8 months into training the other. The potty-trained twin had two back-to-back potty accidents (like poop all over the floor and wiped her butt with a couch pillow) this past weekend and I absolutely lost it. All the hard work and frustration seems never-ending.
I honestly hate my life most days, but I just get over it and find ways to distract myself from the misery. I listen to music or think about an upcoming vacation or start looking for my dream pieces of furniture and make a Pinterest board, or doom scroll on social media, get into specific genres of films, or whatever.
Just writing to say, I'm also not so happy about life right now., 2 and 3 are hell., you will get through it, but:
1) take turns getting good night sleep with your partner
2) get respite care, PCAs, friends, relatives — whatever — time when you can go somewhere else. often these are limited and kind of suck, but you need to be able to recharge.
3) talk to your primary care or paychiatrist and your child’s pediatrician or psychiatrist about meds that may help — either you or your child.
You can get through it, and it CAN improve. You’re at a hard juxtaposition of all things right now, but it will get better. slowly.
4) Get other help. finding good help that can directly help WITH your child is always hard. If you can’t find that, get other types of help — with laundry, house cleaning, etc..
Order groceries. Or meals. Use disposable plates. whatever you can do that lightens the load.
School is coming, and, while that will bring plenty of its own challenges, it will provide a lot of daily relief., Three is a terrible age, like most others have agreed.
Gentle advice: Focus on health and safety, but let the other stuff go. Eye contact isn't essential, and it may stress your child more- which in turn stresses *you* more. This also goes for things like eating at the table. Reject "therapy" that doesn't make sense for your child's developmental stage. He may need more time, or just have an alternate way of "being."
Sending support., So sorry to hear that 🙁💜🙏
Sounds like maybe you need a break/disengage some, I pretty much feel the same so i dont have great advice 💜, 3 is absolutely the hardest. My boy is level 3 nonverbal he’s 4.5 now thankfully. Honestly just take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. Remember it is okay to cry and you’re doing your best and that’s okay!, I’ve heard 3 years old is the worst for autistic kids. So maybe it’s all uphill from here!, I feel like this at least once a week 🥴 my two year old is level 3. What I have found to be most helpful is keeping the faith and knowing that things could be worse. I also pray daily and sometimes I feel like the higher power always seems to know when it's all too much for me because I'll get blessed with a small break out of nowhere. I also use a gratitude jar. It helps keep my grounded and lifts me up whenever I start to feel like it's all too much. Try to focus on the progress that has been made. Ask for help and don't be afraid to accept it when it's offered. I know it's tough. Hang in there mama 💓, I felt helpless when my son was 3, I wasn't sleeping more than 1-2 hours at a time and his aggression was really activating my PTSD. (3 has also been the hardest age for my neurotypical kids.) My mental health deteriorated and I had to take a medical leave of absence from work to attend intensive inpatient therapy shortly before he turned 4.
He's 5 now and has been in full-time ABA for a year. He does go through phases where there is more biting and scratching but we can communicate better. He's still nonverbal, but he is finally open to learning some signs and after getting an AAC device for him it became obvious he can already spell a ton of words! He is getting his needs met better. I know ABA and speech therapy have been a big part of his progress, but so has the passage of time.
3 year olds are experiencing molars (hence more biting), their brains are growing so rapidly that sensory issues are magnified, plus kids tend to have sleep issues when going through developmental leaps. It's even harder for ASD kids because their brains don't always shut off and their bodies aren't always producing melatonin at the right time/right amounts.
Your son may continue to struggle with communication and destructive behaviors, but I believe you're probably experiencing the very worst of it. If you need extra support, consider letting his ABA crew know how much you're struggling at home. My son's ABA therapist and case manager have recently started coming into our home twice per week for parent training., Can you get Respite? Can anyone else take him while you rest?, No advice just hoping for better days for you and kiddo 💙, 3 is the worst age? I was in medical school. My 16 year old daughter kicks me in the face, breaks my phone- I have no friends, no family wants anything to do with me or her, I sacrificed everything to raise her and my husband of 20 plus years always was working and it was always me raising her, my slightly more functional autistic son - I felt like a single parent but always knew he was working and there for me, especially when our oldest, died at 16. Now he admitted it’s been 20 years of lies and infidelity. I have nothing. I sacrificed everything for nothing. My birthday is March 27 and I just want it to END, Tired of being alive is a good way to put it. I remember telling hus I felt the kids sucked me dry. Both my kids are on a Spectrum & I'm sorry to tell you, it never got better for me. We are now 70 & 75 & he tells me he looks forward to dying. Having children was not a joyous experience for me. It was fraught with worry, shame, fear, despair.
Think my oldest is Asperger. He was on Ritalin. 'Didnt like it' so clinic said he didnt have to. Killed hamster, loner, drugs, shoplifting, now estranged from fam at almost 36. Never married, underachiever, emotionally stilted. Blames us.
Youngest is Bipolar, almost 33. Her oldest dau is Spectrum, 8. Smearing stool, no friends, wets bed, school struggles.
I feel like our fam has bad DNA. It's good my son had no children. He told me I shouldnt have had him because I'm Bipolar. My parents had things wrong with them (birth father sexual deviant, birth mother alcoholic & narcissistic) but my daughter threw a wrench in the DNA by marrying a low-IQ person & having Irish Twins with him. The 2-yr old has delayed speech. Not sure what's wrong with 1-yr old yet.
There are so many MH problems today; not enuf proper healthcare available. I hope the right help comes to you because from my Vantage Point the only advice is: Respite. I hope you can get time away for self-care ie massage, pedicure, walk in a tulip field, etc. Whatever will restore you & heal you til the next crisis.
I did not have that. We were estranged from my family & the kids grew up with just us two. No respite help except hus & he worked two jobs. Lots of mistakes, looking back. Like all parents say, we did our best., We started doing ABA along with developmental pre-school when my son was three, his attention got improved which improved his understanding. He will be 4 this June, there is a lot of improvement. I recommend the same., Taking a neurodiversity affirming approach has been the best thing for us. Your child does not need to make eye contact to learn or participate. I’m neurodivergent myself and making constant eye contact actually makes listening and learning more difficult. Embracing differences and moving forward with a different perspective and different approach can do wonders for some ND kids. ABA may be stressing your child out to where they are only able to display the behaviors you’re seeing when they’re with you at home. It often sounds like parents are describing how much they’re fighting against their child’s natural way of being and it’s actually making the behaviors worse. We embrace our daughter for exactly who she is and only focus on working through behaviors in a positive way that could affect others and we see improvements all the time. Sure, every kid is different, but I believe many parents are stressing themselves out more because they’re so busy trying to change who their child is and not giving them much of a chance to flourish despite their differences and hurdles. I’ve also realized that our daughter develops and progresses on her own timeline so we stopped pushing to reach “milestones” on a specific timeline and focus instead on building on her strengths and now she reaches them on her own timeline, just a little behind what’s “typical” for her age and is happy during the process. This approach has made her so much more receptive in those times where she does need to go outside her comfort zone and we know she feels she can trust us which makes a difference as well., This made me super sad to read, because my wife and I understand. It's very hard, but our kids need us. My son was really violent at three because he didn't understand much of what was going on around him and add to this equation that we couldn't understand his needs, he would lash out.
Things will get easier. Not because the challenges will go, because in all honesty that just change. This will get easier because you will be more able to bare that load. Christ gives us all a cross to bare and this is yours. The fact you are still going and still here is demonstrative of how strong you are. Our children were lucky to be born to us as parents, but more importantly we are blessed to have them as our kids.
For every rough time now, there are twice as many good times and we have the experience to change the surroundings to mitigate our sons upset and to regulate his sensory needs.
I'm praying to God for you. You've got this. Hang in there., Sometimes I just strap him into his car seat with a snack and drive around with a coffee for 20 months. It helps a little. But the number 1 thing that helps me is anti depressants.
I’m sure you have already tried so many things for the biting, but, just in case, have you tried buying a variety of chewies and keeping them on you and him 24/7? Try to stop the bite and give a chewie if you can, but if it’s too late, once he releases the bite say “no, bite this” and give a chewie?
I got bit twice, really bad a few weeks ago. They actually scarred., I also agree with the 3 yr old mark being hell! lol
The most challenging period either my son so far. If your son had a hard time sleeping, consider giving him melatonin. He needs to rest; we get stressed out on lack of sleep, same with little ones. Even worst because they don’t know how to self regulate(being a toddler and autistic). Try to make your routine as easy as possible for both of you and rest, whenever is possible!, Please find time to disconnect even for an hour, for minutes from all of your responsibilities at work and at home. Whether it’s sitting in your car, investing in headphones so you can have a little break while home or to be able to leave for a walk if possible. Three was hard age for us but things have gotten so much better. All the work and exhaustion is paying off but not without hard impossible days but you got this. You aren’t super human so you need to take a break even a small one. For me it’s headphones, CBD and watching a tv show while he’s in aba while I fold laundry. Your brain and body cannot keep spinning 24 hours a day and while I know babysitters or Nannie’s aren’t possible for many of us for many various reasons taking a short break to even sit outside and play a game on your phone or scroll Pinterest, anything really does help. When my son wants to vocalize stim he can but then mom puts her earbuds in and catches up on a podcast. Sending you love! It does get better., I believe my daughter is a level 3 with some 2 traits. She is nonverbal, uses gestures, and points now. 4 and 5 were her worst ages. She would scratch and kick me when there was a break in routine. The one thing I recommend is developing a routine and sticking to it. Once I had her in school her behavior improved tremendously. We still have some issues but I was able to develop a routine for her and stick to it. My main thought is that it gets better. I remember struggling to want to get up but doing it for your child is necessary. You are their world., I just feel compelled to say that if you are not talking to a therapist regularly- it has changed and potentially saved my life, >She would be Screaming for hours at a time sometimes.
Yep this is a good place to park my opinion.
As many others here will and have already attested, 3-5 seems to be the absolute worst age. Ours peaked at 5 years old with screaming and SIB literally ALL WAKING HOURS. Your mental health suffers immensely.. We had to move to Colorado just to get access to ABA because we aged out in our state sitting on wait lists. She has grown significantly there in the past year and a half, but it also gave us an 8 hour break every day which that alone helps. Her ASL grew a lot there as there are several staff who studied it in college, and she has suddenly come to understand how AAC works there. So that communication component alone has reduced behaviors IMMENSELY.
She still engages in SIB and protesting, but its not even close to 1-2 years ago. Its more often she wants someone else to shut up right now. Her whole motive to be nice to her baby brother and her dog is to shut them up from screaming/barking., I'm trying to delegate because I only get like 10 hours a week to even work at best, but now don't even have enough time to simply oversee others doing my work., This was me today. Walks around the pond in the stroller , sometimes it’s his car with an ice coffee and I’m already feeling better, Joy in the small things especially podcasts have been a saving grace for me when I’m overwhelmed by this all too!, My daughter has night terrors and also is 3yo. How do you deal with the night terrors?, You are not alone either. Anytime you need to scream, or vent, or whatever, please feel free to dm me. My daughter is grown now, but those years 2-5 were the worst. It got better., Thanks for sharing ❤, Seconding this. I've not seen Love on the Spectrum but a bittersweet sitcom called There She Goes gave me some rueful laughs and comfort. It's almost like social stories for adults - it helps! , Would you mind telling me what kind of medication you’re giving him. I’m giving my son Guafacine and it’s no change in his behavior, Fantastic list, thank you 🙏, Damn, Autistic Twins!! you are definitely a super woman. You are very strong. It’s okay to feel the way you do. I can’t even imagine what you must deal with. Kuddos to you.
Hopefully life will get better and they will also be better❤️
Stay strong for them!, thank you for your mention of the melatonin and about the shutting off of the brain. this has helped me understand some of my son's behaviors a lot better and I intend to research more on these subjects. thank you!, Thank you for sharing. I hope you and your spouse get rest and time for self care., Yup. I’m I believe at the peak right now with my ASD lvl 3 son and he’s 5.5 yrs old. It doesn’t help that he’s built like Tarzan- seriously he’s so strong and twice the size of other kids his age. He looks like he plays football. I have another child who is 9, a girl, and she’s ASD lvl 1. She peaked at around 4 yrs old and I remember back then thinking “I cannot do this”. Age definitely helped with her and many cannot tell she has autism. My son is a totally different story as he is non verbal.
I’ve said it a million times on this sub but the only thing getting me through right now is HOPE. That’s all that got me through before. When I look back to when my daughter was 4 I thought there was no way she would ever be able to function in society and here we are today she has done a total 180.
I believe with my son I will need to look into medication bc although it hasn’t been diagnosed yet- I think he has some pretty bad adhd and that is inhibiting his learning with all his other therapies. I cannot have him in school right now bc where I live there are no special ed programs- zero- nothing. He does go to speech and OT and has 6 of those therapies a week that I take him to.
Op, I also have my own business and it’s been a HUGE struggle trying to do that along with all the therapies and then raising my other two children and all their school stuff, maintaining the house, etc. Some days are better than others but I am TIRED.
You are not alone!, Right? Often the little things can really help., Basically, by any means necessary. First thing I focus on is calming him down, so I go through my checklist of potential causes of him awakening (hungry, thirsty, diaper, etc.). Sometimes he just needs to be held. If none of those are an issue, I turn on the lights and put on his favorite cartoon, which usually works best. I let him calm for 15-20 minutes and thenI put him in the car and drive around the neighborhood until he falls back asleep (driving him in the car is my go-to when I need him to fall asleep in normal situations as well, something about the vibrations, I put on calming music, it just works for him).
I don't know if it's the most efficient system, or if it is applicable to your situation in any way, but I hope that helps. It has varying levels of success, some nights it works relatively quickly and I only lose an hour or so of sleep, some nights it takes much longer and I get him back to sleep but am unable to go back to sleep myself.
Best of luck to you and your daughter getting through the night terrors. My son is having them less frequently as he gets older, there's light at the end of the tunnel., I appreciate the thought. Usually if I do feel alone, I read some of the stories in this sub about what others are going through and it makes me feel a little better because I can not only feel like I'm not the only one dealing with this, but also maybe I see somewhere where I can pass along something that helps me to someone else and make their experience easier in some small way.
I've always been an optimist and am relentlessly positive. I had no idea how beneficial that skill was going to be until I became a dad of an ASD kid., We started with Resperidone and just recently added in Guafacine, I believe the guafacine is more for the ADHD side of things, where the resperidone is for his ASD.
The very first week on resperidone was a God send! Immediately noticed a mood change. Just had to dial in the dosage over a few months, My son takes a tiny dose of melatonin 4 hours before bed to help him produce his own melatonin. He takes only 0.1 mg whereas his pediatrician initially recommended taking 1-3mg before bedtime. I used to give him 0.5mg before bedtime, but he'd wake up groggy and irritable. This video had some information about low dose melatonin and the body clock: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mf3mhui8Bo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mf3mhui8Bo), Thank u. I get LOTS of rest because I have chronic pain & lay down every afternoon after lunch to read & watch AU tv on my laptop. It works for me., I'm also an optimistic person, counting blessings was always my go-to. Being part of this sub is so helpful., Did he get the side effect of gaining weight on resperidone?, I am glad you have time for yourself., No weight gain but he eats everything in sight now. He used to be very picky, Wow, the medication helped with his picky eating? My almost 6 year old is extremely skinny and has a very limited diet. It's very triggering for my husband along with the vocal stimming and obsession with screens/devices. I should discuss with our ped., 3yo age was the worst for us. ASD level 3
Tiny human. No biting but a lot of hitting, tantrums, breaking things, throwing things, etc. I honestly didn’t know how we would get past it. I cried thinking this was the rest of my life. She would be Screaming for hours at a time sometimes. No talking, no eye contact, refusing to eat most things, clobbering me with toys… I working full time, no family or support, barely sleeping or eating from the stress…
Then we got to 4 and it was like a calm came over my kiddo and although still at times chaotic and overly energetic… the hitting stopped. The throwing things stopped. Things very slowing began to improve… so all I can say is, I don’t know if it will get better for you but I am sending positive vibes into the universe for you and your little. And I hope you see improvement and progress. I know what that struggle looks like, and I feel for you. You are doing an amazing job! And must love your little so much that you are draining yourself to keep up 💛, I second 3 being the worst age for us so far (he’ll be 5 in 5 months). Parenting is hard as shit. I’ve always been overstimulated by noise, and even my son’s “happy noises” deeply overstimulate me. Hell, I’ve been lying in bed for 90 minutes licking my wounds after wrestling my 3 year old NT toddler to sleep.
Parenting never ends. We know we have to wake up in the morning and do it all again. Therapies help but it can take a really long time to see progress. My son has been in ABA, speech and OT for 2.5 years and I definitely see progress. By the time he goes to kindergarten he would have been in those therapies for 4 years.
I am the sole income for the household and I’m very ambitious professionally. I hire help to give me breaks. I’m on medication and so is my son. Every little bit helps. I’m using all the tools I can find. I empathize deeply with you. ♥️, Toddler years were brutal. There is an overwhelming probability that he’ll improve over time especially given that he’s already getting therapy. Progress can be slow and feels excruciating especially when no one is having much fun.
Try to find joy in small things. A podcast you like or maybe he likes to go for walks in a wagon or stroller. I used to like car rides becuase she was in her seat and I could listen to music and drink coffee and feel normal.
Just one day at a time. You’re doing great., Just want to say I'm literally in the same boat right now. My 3 year old ASD son had night terrors last night. I'm on about 2 hours sleep right now, had to keep him home from preschool which meant I had to stay home as well, and I have absolutely zero fucking energy but I also have to take care of my son, who despite having only slightly more sleep then I did, is completely full of energy and is showing no signs of slowing down.
You are not alone. I don't know if that helps you at all but it definitely helped me to read your post and see that I'm not the only sleep deprived half delirious parent of a child who can't control his own emotions, which means I have to often sacrifice myself to make sure he doesn't hurt himself.
I have no strength to go on, but somehow, I do anyway. Hang in there, and best of luck., My son is also level 3. Life is horrible at times. I feel you. Trust the process. He might get better with time. He needs you to be with him, to live with him.
Stay strong, write the little things that makes you feel joy, even if they are minimal.
Many people say “proud autistic mom/dad” and that “they wouldn’t change a thing” and we all know that is some BS! This is something i wouldn’t wish on anyone and definitely not the life i ever imagine to have when i thought of having a family of my own. But this is what life gave me and you. So we have to be there for them and guide them.
My biggest advice is to try and work your self, find something distracting to do, find a passion, find an activity that can help you bond with him… something to feel alive. To feel love for him. Because truly you are all he needs and depends on.
You sound like a very tired and overwhelmed dad. You need your time and space to feel better.
Im dealing with my own battles. But honestly Autism is such a huge spectrum that sadly what others do with their kiddos is a hit or miss. You just have to observe him and analyze the why of his behaviors and see if if communication, pain or overstimulation.
Hang in there, you are a great Dad!, So is there any possibility he’s constipated, my child bit(excessively) and we were able to figure out she was constipated despite having two bowel movements a day. We pulled her off milk and I’ve noticed a change. For the sleeplessness ask his doctor about starting a b12 in the morning and melatonin/magnesium citrate supplement in the evening about 30 minutes before bed. You’ve got this, if you’re looking for people in your local area reach out to Special Olympics, I promise you, you will find a wonderful support group., This probably sounds kinda dumb, but watching the show Love on the Spectrum on Netflix helped me out a lot during a low time after my daughter’s level 3 diagnosis. It helped a lot to see the autistic adults and their relationships with their families. It gave me something to hope for and made me think maybe we’ll be alright if other families like us have made it work., My 6 yo non verbal was the same way! Still is from time to time. We finally got his medication nailed down and it has made a world of difference. I feel like we got our child back. Medication might seem scary at first ( I felt the same way ) but it is the best thing ever for him!, My son is 3 and has just discovered anger. Several months ago he discovered sadness. I honestly can’t tell which was worse for my husband and I maybe anger bd im getting bitten or my hair pulled multiple times a day now.
My sweet little angel baby is temporarily out of commission so Idfk. I guess I’m just here to say solidarity. Sounds like it’s time to do something just for you. It won’t be a long term fix. But it’ll help I hope. Hang in there friend., Navigating the complexities and challenges of parenting a child with severe autism is undeniably tough, and it's clear you're doing an incredible job managing these challenges despite the immense pressure they place on you. Your dedication to your child's well-being, amidst managing a business and tackling sleepless nights, is truly admirable. Remember, it's okay to feel overwhelmed and seek support—you're not alone in this journey.
Here are a few suggestions and reminders that might offer some comfort and assistance:
1. **Connect with Community**: Engaging with forums, support groups, or local communities of parents in similar situations can provide invaluable emotional support and practical advice. Sharing experiences can help reduce feelings of isolation and provide new insights or strategies for managing challenging behaviors.
2. **Respite Care**: If possible, look into respite care services. Even a few hours a week can provide you with essential rest and time to recharge, which is vital for your well-being and, by extension, the well-being of your family.
3. **Celebrate Small Victories**: Progress in areas like eye contact is significant. Celebrating these milestones, no matter how small they seem, can help maintain a positive outlook and remind you of the progress being made over time.
4. **Seek Professional Support**: If you haven't already, consider talking to a mental health professional for yourself. It’s important to care for your own mental and emotional health. Therapists can offer strategies to manage stress and cope with the feelings of hopelessness and isolation.
5. **Explore Additional Therapies**: If certain therapies aren't yielding the desired outcomes, it might be helpful to explore other options. Every child is unique, and sometimes it takes a bit of trial and error to find the right combination of therapies that work.
6. **Focus on Self-Care**: It's often said, but easily overlooked—taking care of yourself is crucial. Simple activities like reading, taking short walks, or practicing mindfulness can make a significant difference in your overall well-being.
7. **Educational Resources and Assistance**: Look into educational resources and programs that might be available for your child. Early intervention programs, special education services, and behavioral therapies can offer support tailored to your child’s needs.
8. **Advocacy**: Become an advocate for your child’s needs in all settings. Understanding your rights and services available can be empowering and can open up additional support avenues.
Remember, it's okay to ask for help and take breaks. You're doing an extraordinary job under exceptionally challenging circumstances. Your strength and commitment to your child's growth and happiness are commendable. Keep reaching out, stay connected with those who understand, and never hesitate to seek the support you deserve., My son was just like yours. He is level 3 and non speaking and it is hard! It does get better though. My son is six years old now and he's much easier to take care of than when he was three. I'm not saying things are perfect and no longer hard, but age does make a big difference! This community understands and we're all here for you. Your life will improve, and so will your child's. Three is a very hard age even when the kid is neurotypical, hang in there! It does get better, things got a million times better after he started kindergarten., I have 6 yr old autistic twins and it really is so hard. My marriage is over, I initiated divorce a few weeks ago, but I'm sure the stress of the twins had a lot to do with its demise. I get so frustrated sometimes I just sit on the floor and cry and scream at the top of my lungs.
It took two years to potty train one twin and now I'm almost 8 months into training the other. The potty-trained twin had two back-to-back potty accidents (like poop all over the floor and wiped her butt with a couch pillow) this past weekend and I absolutely lost it. All the hard work and frustration seems never-ending.
I honestly hate my life most days, but I just get over it and find ways to distract myself from the misery. I listen to music or think about an upcoming vacation or start looking for my dream pieces of furniture and make a Pinterest board, or doom scroll on social media, get into specific genres of films, or whatever.
Just writing to say, I'm also not so happy about life right now., 2 and 3 are hell., you will get through it, but:
1) take turns getting good night sleep with your partner
2) get respite care, PCAs, friends, relatives — whatever — time when you can go somewhere else. often these are limited and kind of suck, but you need to be able to recharge.
3) talk to your primary care or paychiatrist and your child’s pediatrician or psychiatrist about meds that may help — either you or your child.
You can get through it, and it CAN improve. You’re at a hard juxtaposition of all things right now, but it will get better. slowly.
4) Get other help. finding good help that can directly help WITH your child is always hard. If you can’t find that, get other types of help — with laundry, house cleaning, etc..
Order groceries. Or meals. Use disposable plates. whatever you can do that lightens the load.
School is coming, and, while that will bring plenty of its own challenges, it will provide a lot of daily relief., Three is a terrible age, like most others have agreed.
Gentle advice: Focus on health and safety, but let the other stuff go. Eye contact isn't essential, and it may stress your child more- which in turn stresses *you* more. This also goes for things like eating at the table. Reject "therapy" that doesn't make sense for your child's developmental stage. He may need more time, or just have an alternate way of "being."
Sending support., So sorry to hear that 🙁💜🙏
Sounds like maybe you need a break/disengage some, I pretty much feel the same so i dont have great advice 💜, 3 is absolutely the hardest. My boy is level 3 nonverbal he’s 4.5 now thankfully. Honestly just take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. Remember it is okay to cry and you’re doing your best and that’s okay!, I’ve heard 3 years old is the worst for autistic kids. So maybe it’s all uphill from here!, I feel like this at least once a week 🥴 my two year old is level 3. What I have found to be most helpful is keeping the faith and knowing that things could be worse. I also pray daily and sometimes I feel like the higher power always seems to know when it's all too much for me because I'll get blessed with a small break out of nowhere. I also use a gratitude jar. It helps keep my grounded and lifts me up whenever I start to feel like it's all too much. Try to focus on the progress that has been made. Ask for help and don't be afraid to accept it when it's offered. I know it's tough. Hang in there mama 💓, I felt helpless when my son was 3, I wasn't sleeping more than 1-2 hours at a time and his aggression was really activating my PTSD. (3 has also been the hardest age for my neurotypical kids.) My mental health deteriorated and I had to take a medical leave of absence from work to attend intensive inpatient therapy shortly before he turned 4.
He's 5 now and has been in full-time ABA for a year. He does go through phases where there is more biting and scratching but we can communicate better. He's still nonverbal, but he is finally open to learning some signs and after getting an AAC device for him it became obvious he can already spell a ton of words! He is getting his needs met better. I know ABA and speech therapy have been a big part of his progress, but so has the passage of time.
3 year olds are experiencing molars (hence more biting), their brains are growing so rapidly that sensory issues are magnified, plus kids tend to have sleep issues when going through developmental leaps. It's even harder for ASD kids because their brains don't always shut off and their bodies aren't always producing melatonin at the right time/right amounts.
Your son may continue to struggle with communication and destructive behaviors, but I believe you're probably experiencing the very worst of it. If you need extra support, consider letting his ABA crew know how much you're struggling at home. My son's ABA therapist and case manager have recently started coming into our home twice per week for parent training., Can you get Respite? Can anyone else take him while you rest?, No advice just hoping for better days for you and kiddo 💙, 3 is the worst age? I was in medical school. My 16 year old daughter kicks me in the face, breaks my phone- I have no friends, no family wants anything to do with me or her, I sacrificed everything to raise her and my husband of 20 plus years always was working and it was always me raising her, my slightly more functional autistic son - I felt like a single parent but always knew he was working and there for me, especially when our oldest, died at 16. Now he admitted it’s been 20 years of lies and infidelity. I have nothing. I sacrificed everything for nothing. My birthday is March 27 and I just want it to END, Tired of being alive is a good way to put it. I remember telling hus I felt the kids sucked me dry. Both my kids are on a Spectrum & I'm sorry to tell you, it never got better for me. We are now 70 & 75 & he tells me he looks forward to dying. Having children was not a joyous experience for me. It was fraught with worry, shame, fear, despair.
Think my oldest is Asperger. He was on Ritalin. 'Didnt like it' so clinic said he didnt have to. Killed hamster, loner, drugs, shoplifting, now estranged from fam at almost 36. Never married, underachiever, emotionally stilted. Blames us.
Youngest is Bipolar, almost 33. Her oldest dau is Spectrum, 8. Smearing stool, no friends, wets bed, school struggles.
I feel like our fam has bad DNA. It's good my son had no children. He told me I shouldnt have had him because I'm Bipolar. My parents had things wrong with them (birth father sexual deviant, birth mother alcoholic & narcissistic) but my daughter threw a wrench in the DNA by marrying a low-IQ person & having Irish Twins with him. The 2-yr old has delayed speech. Not sure what's wrong with 1-yr old yet.
There are so many MH problems today; not enuf proper healthcare available. I hope the right help comes to you because from my Vantage Point the only advice is: Respite. I hope you can get time away for self-care ie massage, pedicure, walk in a tulip field, etc. Whatever will restore you & heal you til the next crisis.
I did not have that. We were estranged from my family & the kids grew up with just us two. No respite help except hus & he worked two jobs. Lots of mistakes, looking back. Like all parents say, we did our best., We started doing ABA along with developmental pre-school when my son was three, his attention got improved which improved his understanding. He will be 4 this June, there is a lot of improvement. I recommend the same., Taking a neurodiversity affirming approach has been the best thing for us. Your child does not need to make eye contact to learn or participate. I’m neurodivergent myself and making constant eye contact actually makes listening and learning more difficult. Embracing differences and moving forward with a different perspective and different approach can do wonders for some ND kids. ABA may be stressing your child out to where they are only able to display the behaviors you’re seeing when they’re with you at home. It often sounds like parents are describing how much they’re fighting against their child’s natural way of being and it’s actually making the behaviors worse. We embrace our daughter for exactly who she is and only focus on working through behaviors in a positive way that could affect others and we see improvements all the time. Sure, every kid is different, but I believe many parents are stressing themselves out more because they’re so busy trying to change who their child is and not giving them much of a chance to flourish despite their differences and hurdles. I’ve also realized that our daughter develops and progresses on her own timeline so we stopped pushing to reach “milestones” on a specific timeline and focus instead on building on her strengths and now she reaches them on her own timeline, just a little behind what’s “typical” for her age and is happy during the process. This approach has made her so much more receptive in those times where she does need to go outside her comfort zone and we know she feels she can trust us which makes a difference as well., This made me super sad to read, because my wife and I understand. It's very hard, but our kids need us. My son was really violent at three because he didn't understand much of what was going on around him and add to this equation that we couldn't understand his needs, he would lash out.
Things will get easier. Not because the challenges will go, because in all honesty that just change. This will get easier because you will be more able to bare that load. Christ gives us all a cross to bare and this is yours. The fact you are still going and still here is demonstrative of how strong you are. Our children were lucky to be born to us as parents, but more importantly we are blessed to have them as our kids.
For every rough time now, there are twice as many good times and we have the experience to change the surroundings to mitigate our sons upset and to regulate his sensory needs.
I'm praying to God for you. You've got this. Hang in there., Sometimes I just strap him into his car seat with a snack and drive around with a coffee for 20 months. It helps a little. But the number 1 thing that helps me is anti depressants.
I’m sure you have already tried so many things for the biting, but, just in case, have you tried buying a variety of chewies and keeping them on you and him 24/7? Try to stop the bite and give a chewie if you can, but if it’s too late, once he releases the bite say “no, bite this” and give a chewie?
I got bit twice, really bad a few weeks ago. They actually scarred., I also agree with the 3 yr old mark being hell! lol
The most challenging period either my son so far. If your son had a hard time sleeping, consider giving him melatonin. He needs to rest; we get stressed out on lack of sleep, same with little ones. Even worst because they don’t know how to self regulate(being a toddler and autistic). Try to make your routine as easy as possible for both of you and rest, whenever is possible!, Please find time to disconnect even for an hour, for minutes from all of your responsibilities at work and at home. Whether it’s sitting in your car, investing in headphones so you can have a little break while home or to be able to leave for a walk if possible. Three was hard age for us but things have gotten so much better. All the work and exhaustion is paying off but not without hard impossible days but you got this. You aren’t super human so you need to take a break even a small one. For me it’s headphones, CBD and watching a tv show while he’s in aba while I fold laundry. Your brain and body cannot keep spinning 24 hours a day and while I know babysitters or Nannie’s aren’t possible for many of us for many various reasons taking a short break to even sit outside and play a game on your phone or scroll Pinterest, anything really does help. When my son wants to vocalize stim he can but then mom puts her earbuds in and catches up on a podcast. Sending you love! It does get better., I believe my daughter is a level 3 with some 2 traits. She is nonverbal, uses gestures, and points now. 4 and 5 were her worst ages. She would scratch and kick me when there was a break in routine. The one thing I recommend is developing a routine and sticking to it. Once I had her in school her behavior improved tremendously. We still have some issues but I was able to develop a routine for her and stick to it. My main thought is that it gets better. I remember struggling to want to get up but doing it for your child is necessary. You are their world., I just feel compelled to say that if you are not talking to a therapist regularly- it has changed and potentially saved my life, >She would be Screaming for hours at a time sometimes.
Yep this is a good place to park my opinion.
As many others here will and have already attested, 3-5 seems to be the absolute worst age. Ours peaked at 5 years old with screaming and SIB literally ALL WAKING HOURS. Your mental health suffers immensely.. We had to move to Colorado just to get access to ABA because we aged out in our state sitting on wait lists. She has grown significantly there in the past year and a half, but it also gave us an 8 hour break every day which that alone helps. Her ASL grew a lot there as there are several staff who studied it in college, and she has suddenly come to understand how AAC works there. So that communication component alone has reduced behaviors IMMENSELY.
She still engages in SIB and protesting, but its not even close to 1-2 years ago. Its more often she wants someone else to shut up right now. Her whole motive to be nice to her baby brother and her dog is to shut them up from screaming/barking., I'm trying to delegate because I only get like 10 hours a week to even work at best, but now don't even have enough time to simply oversee others doing my work., This was me today. Walks around the pond in the stroller , sometimes it’s his car with an ice coffee and I’m already feeling better, Joy in the small things especially podcasts have been a saving grace for me when I’m overwhelmed by this all too!, My daughter has night terrors and also is 3yo. How do you deal with the night terrors?, You are not alone either. Anytime you need to scream, or vent, or whatever, please feel free to dm me. My daughter is grown now, but those years 2-5 were the worst. It got better., Thanks for sharing ❤, Seconding this. I've not seen Love on the Spectrum but a bittersweet sitcom called There She Goes gave me some rueful laughs and comfort. It's almost like social stories for adults - it helps! , Would you mind telling me what kind of medication you’re giving him. I’m giving my son Guafacine and it’s no change in his behavior, Fantastic list, thank you 🙏, Damn, Autistic Twins!! you are definitely a super woman. You are very strong. It’s okay to feel the way you do. I can’t even imagine what you must deal with. Kuddos to you.
Hopefully life will get better and they will also be better❤️
Stay strong for them!, thank you for your mention of the melatonin and about the shutting off of the brain. this has helped me understand some of my son's behaviors a lot better and I intend to research more on these subjects. thank you!, Thank you for sharing. I hope you and your spouse get rest and time for self care., Yup. I’m I believe at the peak right now with my ASD lvl 3 son and he’s 5.5 yrs old. It doesn’t help that he’s built like Tarzan- seriously he’s so strong and twice the size of other kids his age. He looks like he plays football. I have another child who is 9, a girl, and she’s ASD lvl 1. She peaked at around 4 yrs old and I remember back then thinking “I cannot do this”. Age definitely helped with her and many cannot tell she has autism. My son is a totally different story as he is non verbal.
I’ve said it a million times on this sub but the only thing getting me through right now is HOPE. That’s all that got me through before. When I look back to when my daughter was 4 I thought there was no way she would ever be able to function in society and here we are today she has done a total 180.
I believe with my son I will need to look into medication bc although it hasn’t been diagnosed yet- I think he has some pretty bad adhd and that is inhibiting his learning with all his other therapies. I cannot have him in school right now bc where I live there are no special ed programs- zero- nothing. He does go to speech and OT and has 6 of those therapies a week that I take him to.
Op, I also have my own business and it’s been a HUGE struggle trying to do that along with all the therapies and then raising my other two children and all their school stuff, maintaining the house, etc. Some days are better than others but I am TIRED.
You are not alone!, Right? Often the little things can really help., Basically, by any means necessary. First thing I focus on is calming him down, so I go through my checklist of potential causes of him awakening (hungry, thirsty, diaper, etc.). Sometimes he just needs to be held. If none of those are an issue, I turn on the lights and put on his favorite cartoon, which usually works best. I let him calm for 15-20 minutes and thenI put him in the car and drive around the neighborhood until he falls back asleep (driving him in the car is my go-to when I need him to fall asleep in normal situations as well, something about the vibrations, I put on calming music, it just works for him).
I don't know if it's the most efficient system, or if it is applicable to your situation in any way, but I hope that helps. It has varying levels of success, some nights it works relatively quickly and I only lose an hour or so of sleep, some nights it takes much longer and I get him back to sleep but am unable to go back to sleep myself.
Best of luck to you and your daughter getting through the night terrors. My son is having them less frequently as he gets older, there's light at the end of the tunnel., I appreciate the thought. Usually if I do feel alone, I read some of the stories in this sub about what others are going through and it makes me feel a little better because I can not only feel like I'm not the only one dealing with this, but also maybe I see somewhere where I can pass along something that helps me to someone else and make their experience easier in some small way.
I've always been an optimist and am relentlessly positive. I had no idea how beneficial that skill was going to be until I became a dad of an ASD kid., We started with Resperidone and just recently added in Guafacine, I believe the guafacine is more for the ADHD side of things, where the resperidone is for his ASD.
The very first week on resperidone was a God send! Immediately noticed a mood change. Just had to dial in the dosage over a few months, My son takes a tiny dose of melatonin 4 hours before bed to help him produce his own melatonin. He takes only 0.1 mg whereas his pediatrician initially recommended taking 1-3mg before bedtime. I used to give him 0.5mg before bedtime, but he'd wake up groggy and irritable. This video had some information about low dose melatonin and the body clock: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mf3mhui8Bo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mf3mhui8Bo), Thank u. I get LOTS of rest because I have chronic pain & lay down every afternoon after lunch to read & watch AU tv on my laptop. It works for me., I'm also an optimistic person, counting blessings was always my go-to. Being part of this sub is so helpful., Did he get the side effect of gaining weight on resperidone?, I am glad you have time for yourself., No weight gain but he eats everything in sight now. He used to be very picky, Wow, the medication helped with his picky eating? My almost 6 year old is extremely skinny and has a very limited diet. It's very triggering for my husband along with the vocal stimming and obsession with screens/devices. I should discuss with our ped., 3yo age was the worst for us. ASD level 3
Tiny human. No biting but a lot of hitting, tantrums, breaking things, throwing things, etc. I honestly didn’t know how we would get past it. I cried thinking this was the rest of my life. She would be Screaming for hours at a time sometimes. No talking, no eye contact, refusing to eat most things, clobbering me with toys… I working full time, no family or support, barely sleeping or eating from the stress…
Then we got to 4 and it was like a calm came over my kiddo and although still at times chaotic and overly energetic… the hitting stopped. The throwing things stopped. Things very slowing began to improve… so all I can say is, I don’t know if it will get better for you but I am sending positive vibes into the universe for you and your little. And I hope you see improvement and progress. I know what that struggle looks like, and I feel for you. You are doing an amazing job! And must love your little so much that you are draining yourself to keep up 💛, I second 3 being the worst age for us so far (he’ll be 5 in 5 months). Parenting is hard as shit. I’ve always been overstimulated by noise, and even my son’s “happy noises” deeply overstimulate me. Hell, I’ve been lying in bed for 90 minutes licking my wounds after wrestling my 3 year old NT toddler to sleep.
Parenting never ends. We know we have to wake up in the morning and do it all again. Therapies help but it can take a really long time to see progress. My son has been in ABA, speech and OT for 2.5 years and I definitely see progress. By the time he goes to kindergarten he would have been in those therapies for 4 years.
I am the sole income for the household and I’m very ambitious professionally. I hire help to give me breaks. I’m on medication and so is my son. Every little bit helps. I’m using all the tools I can find. I empathize deeply with you. ♥️, Toddler years were brutal. There is an overwhelming probability that he’ll improve over time especially given that he’s already getting therapy. Progress can be slow and feels excruciating especially when no one is having much fun.
Try to find joy in small things. A podcast you like or maybe he likes to go for walks in a wagon or stroller. I used to like car rides becuase she was in her seat and I could listen to music and drink coffee and feel normal.
Just one day at a time. You’re doing great., Just want to say I'm literally in the same boat right now. My 3 year old ASD son had night terrors last night. I'm on about 2 hours sleep right now, had to keep him home from preschool which meant I had to stay home as well, and I have absolutely zero fucking energy but I also have to take care of my son, who despite having only slightly more sleep then I did, is completely full of energy and is showing no signs of slowing down.
You are not alone. I don't know if that helps you at all but it definitely helped me to read your post and see that I'm not the only sleep deprived half delirious parent of a child who can't control his own emotions, which means I have to often sacrifice myself to make sure he doesn't hurt himself.
I have no strength to go on, but somehow, I do anyway. Hang in there, and best of luck., My son is also level 3. Life is horrible at times. I feel you. Trust the process. He might get better with time. He needs you to be with him, to live with him.
Stay strong, write the little things that makes you feel joy, even if they are minimal.
Many people say “proud autistic mom/dad” and that “they wouldn’t change a thing” and we all know that is some BS! This is something i wouldn’t wish on anyone and definitely not the life i ever imagine to have when i thought of having a family of my own. But this is what life gave me and you. So we have to be there for them and guide them.
My biggest advice is to try and work your self, find something distracting to do, find a passion, find an activity that can help you bond with him… something to feel alive. To feel love for him. Because truly you are all he needs and depends on.
You sound like a very tired and overwhelmed dad. You need your time and space to feel better.
Im dealing with my own battles. But honestly Autism is such a huge spectrum that sadly what others do with their kiddos is a hit or miss. You just have to observe him and analyze the why of his behaviors and see if if communication, pain or overstimulation.
Hang in there, you are a great Dad!, So is there any possibility he’s constipated, my child bit(excessively) and we were able to figure out she was constipated despite having two bowel movements a day. We pulled her off milk and I’ve noticed a change. For the sleeplessness ask his doctor about starting a b12 in the morning and melatonin/magnesium citrate supplement in the evening about 30 minutes before bed. You’ve got this, if you’re looking for people in your local area reach out to Special Olympics, I promise you, you will find a wonderful support group., This probably sounds kinda dumb, but watching the show Love on the Spectrum on Netflix helped me out a lot during a low time after my daughter’s level 3 diagnosis. It helped a lot to see the autistic adults and their relationships with their families. It gave me something to hope for and made me think maybe we’ll be alright if other families like us have made it work., My 6 yo non verbal was the same way! Still is from time to time. We finally got his medication nailed down and it has made a world of difference. I feel like we got our child back. Medication might seem scary at first ( I felt the same way ) but it is the best thing ever for him!, My son is 3 and has just discovered anger. Several months ago he discovered sadness. I honestly can’t tell which was worse for my husband and I maybe anger bd im getting bitten or my hair pulled multiple times a day now.
My sweet little angel baby is temporarily out of commission so Idfk. I guess I’m just here to say solidarity. Sounds like it’s time to do something just for you. It won’t be a long term fix. But it’ll help I hope. Hang in there friend., Navigating the complexities and challenges of parenting a child with severe autism is undeniably tough, and it's clear you're doing an incredible job managing these challenges despite the immense pressure they place on you. Your dedication to your child's well-being, amidst managing a business and tackling sleepless nights, is truly admirable. Remember, it's okay to feel overwhelmed and seek support—you're not alone in this journey.
Here are a few suggestions and reminders that might offer some comfort and assistance:
1. **Connect with Community**: Engaging with forums, support groups, or local communities of parents in similar situations can provide invaluable emotional support and practical advice. Sharing experiences can help reduce feelings of isolation and provide new insights or strategies for managing challenging behaviors.
2. **Respite Care**: If possible, look into respite care services. Even a few hours a week can provide you with essential rest and time to recharge, which is vital for your well-being and, by extension, the well-being of your family.
3. **Celebrate Small Victories**: Progress in areas like eye contact is significant. Celebrating these milestones, no matter how small they seem, can help maintain a positive outlook and remind you of the progress being made over time.
4. **Seek Professional Support**: If you haven't already, consider talking to a mental health professional for yourself. It’s important to care for your own mental and emotional health. Therapists can offer strategies to manage stress and cope with the feelings of hopelessness and isolation.
5. **Explore Additional Therapies**: If certain therapies aren't yielding the desired outcomes, it might be helpful to explore other options. Every child is unique, and sometimes it takes a bit of trial and error to find the right combination of therapies that work.
6. **Focus on Self-Care**: It's often said, but easily overlooked—taking care of yourself is crucial. Simple activities like reading, taking short walks, or practicing mindfulness can make a significant difference in your overall well-being.
7. **Educational Resources and Assistance**: Look into educational resources and programs that might be available for your child. Early intervention programs, special education services, and behavioral therapies can offer support tailored to your child’s needs.
8. **Advocacy**: Become an advocate for your child’s needs in all settings. Understanding your rights and services available can be empowering and can open up additional support avenues.
Remember, it's okay to ask for help and take breaks. You're doing an extraordinary job under exceptionally challenging circumstances. Your strength and commitment to your child's growth and happiness are commendable. Keep reaching out, stay connected with those who understand, and never hesitate to seek the support you deserve., My son was just like yours. He is level 3 and non speaking and it is hard! It does get better though. My son is six years old now and he's much easier to take care of than when he was three. I'm not saying things are perfect and no longer hard, but age does make a big difference! This community understands and we're all here for you. Your life will improve, and so will your child's. Three is a very hard age even when the kid is neurotypical, hang in there! It does get better, things got a million times better after he started kindergarten., I have 6 yr old autistic twins and it really is so hard. My marriage is over, I initiated divorce a few weeks ago, but I'm sure the stress of the twins had a lot to do with its demise. I get so frustrated sometimes I just sit on the floor and cry and scream at the top of my lungs.
It took two years to potty train one twin and now I'm almost 8 months into training the other. The potty-trained twin had two back-to-back potty accidents (like poop all over the floor and wiped her butt with a couch pillow) this past weekend and I absolutely lost it. All the hard work and frustration seems never-ending.
I honestly hate my life most days, but I just get over it and find ways to distract myself from the misery. I listen to music or think about an upcoming vacation or start looking for my dream pieces of furniture and make a Pinterest board, or doom scroll on social media, get into specific genres of films, or whatever.
Just writing to say, I'm also not so happy about life right now., 2 and 3 are hell., you will get through it, but:
1) take turns getting good night sleep with your partner
2) get respite care, PCAs, friends, relatives — whatever — time when you can go somewhere else. often these are limited and kind of suck, but you need to be able to recharge.
3) talk to your primary care or paychiatrist and your child’s pediatrician or psychiatrist about meds that may help — either you or your child.
You can get through it, and it CAN improve. You’re at a hard juxtaposition of all things right now, but it will get better. slowly.
4) Get other help. finding good help that can directly help WITH your child is always hard. If you can’t find that, get other types of help — with laundry, house cleaning, etc..
Order groceries. Or meals. Use disposable plates. whatever you can do that lightens the load.
School is coming, and, while that will bring plenty of its own challenges, it will provide a lot of daily relief., Three is a terrible age, like most others have agreed.
Gentle advice: Focus on health and safety, but let the other stuff go. Eye contact isn't essential, and it may stress your child more- which in turn stresses *you* more. This also goes for things like eating at the table. Reject "therapy" that doesn't make sense for your child's developmental stage. He may need more time, or just have an alternate way of "being."
Sending support., So sorry to hear that 🙁💜🙏
Sounds like maybe you need a break/disengage some, I pretty much feel the same so i dont have great advice 💜, 3 is absolutely the hardest. My boy is level 3 nonverbal he’s 4.5 now thankfully. Honestly just take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. Remember it is okay to cry and you’re doing your best and that’s okay!, I’ve heard 3 years old is the worst for autistic kids. So maybe it’s all uphill from here!, I feel like this at least once a week 🥴 my two year old is level 3. What I have found to be most helpful is keeping the faith and knowing that things could be worse. I also pray daily and sometimes I feel like the higher power always seems to know when it's all too much for me because I'll get blessed with a small break out of nowhere. I also use a gratitude jar. It helps keep my grounded and lifts me up whenever I start to feel like it's all too much. Try to focus on the progress that has been made. Ask for help and don't be afraid to accept it when it's offered. I know it's tough. Hang in there mama 💓, I felt helpless when my son was 3, I wasn't sleeping more than 1-2 hours at a time and his aggression was really activating my PTSD. (3 has also been the hardest age for my neurotypical kids.) My mental health deteriorated and I had to take a medical leave of absence from work to attend intensive inpatient therapy shortly before he turned 4.
He's 5 now and has been in full-time ABA for a year. He does go through phases where there is more biting and scratching but we can communicate better. He's still nonverbal, but he is finally open to learning some signs and after getting an AAC device for him it became obvious he can already spell a ton of words! He is getting his needs met better. I know ABA and speech therapy have been a big part of his progress, but so has the passage of time.
3 year olds are experiencing molars (hence more biting), their brains are growing so rapidly that sensory issues are magnified, plus kids tend to have sleep issues when going through developmental leaps. It's even harder for ASD kids because their brains don't always shut off and their bodies aren't always producing melatonin at the right time/right amounts.
Your son may continue to struggle with communication and destructive behaviors, but I believe you're probably experiencing the very worst of it. If you need extra support, consider letting his ABA crew know how much you're struggling at home. My son's ABA therapist and case manager have recently started coming into our home twice per week for parent training., Can you get Respite? Can anyone else take him while you rest?, No advice just hoping for better days for you and kiddo 💙, 3 is the worst age? I was in medical school. My 16 year old daughter kicks me in the face, breaks my phone- I have no friends, no family wants anything to do with me or her, I sacrificed everything to raise her and my husband of 20 plus years always was working and it was always me raising her, my slightly more functional autistic son - I felt like a single parent but always knew he was working and there for me, especially when our oldest, died at 16. Now he admitted it’s been 20 years of lies and infidelity. I have nothing. I sacrificed everything for nothing. My birthday is March 27 and I just want it to END, Tired of being alive is a good way to put it. I remember telling hus I felt the kids sucked me dry. Both my kids are on a Spectrum & I'm sorry to tell you, it never got better for me. We are now 70 & 75 & he tells me he looks forward to dying. Having children was not a joyous experience for me. It was fraught with worry, shame, fear, despair.
Think my oldest is Asperger. He was on Ritalin. 'Didnt like it' so clinic said he didnt have to. Killed hamster, loner, drugs, shoplifting, now estranged from fam at almost 36. Never married, underachiever, emotionally stilted. Blames us.
Youngest is Bipolar, almost 33. Her oldest dau is Spectrum, 8. Smearing stool, no friends, wets bed, school struggles.
I feel like our fam has bad DNA. It's good my son had no children. He told me I shouldnt have had him because I'm Bipolar. My parents had things wrong with them (birth father sexual deviant, birth mother alcoholic & narcissistic) but my daughter threw a wrench in the DNA by marrying a low-IQ person & having Irish Twins with him. The 2-yr old has delayed speech. Not sure what's wrong with 1-yr old yet.
There are so many MH problems today; not enuf proper healthcare available. I hope the right help comes to you because from my Vantage Point the only advice is: Respite. I hope you can get time away for self-care ie massage, pedicure, walk in a tulip field, etc. Whatever will restore you & heal you til the next crisis.
I did not have that. We were estranged from my family & the kids grew up with just us two. No respite help except hus & he worked two jobs. Lots of mistakes, looking back. Like all parents say, we did our best., We started doing ABA along with developmental pre-school when my son was three, his attention got improved which improved his understanding. He will be 4 this June, there is a lot of improvement. I recommend the same., Taking a neurodiversity affirming approach has been the best thing for us. Your child does not need to make eye contact to learn or participate. I’m neurodivergent myself and making constant eye contact actually makes listening and learning more difficult. Embracing differences and moving forward with a different perspective and different approach can do wonders for some ND kids. ABA may be stressing your child out to where they are only able to display the behaviors you’re seeing when they’re with you at home. It often sounds like parents are describing how much they’re fighting against their child’s natural way of being and it’s actually making the behaviors worse. We embrace our daughter for exactly who she is and only focus on working through behaviors in a positive way that could affect others and we see improvements all the time. Sure, every kid is different, but I believe many parents are stressing themselves out more because they’re so busy trying to change who their child is and not giving them much of a chance to flourish despite their differences and hurdles. I’ve also realized that our daughter develops and progresses on her own timeline so we stopped pushing to reach “milestones” on a specific timeline and focus instead on building on her strengths and now she reaches them on her own timeline, just a little behind what’s “typical” for her age and is happy during the process. This approach has made her so much more receptive in those times where she does need to go outside her comfort zone and we know she feels she can trust us which makes a difference as well., This made me super sad to read, because my wife and I understand. It's very hard, but our kids need us. My son was really violent at three because he didn't understand much of what was going on around him and add to this equation that we couldn't understand his needs, he would lash out.
Things will get easier. Not because the challenges will go, because in all honesty that just change. This will get easier because you will be more able to bare that load. Christ gives us all a cross to bare and this is yours. The fact you are still going and still here is demonstrative of how strong you are. Our children were lucky to be born to us as parents, but more importantly we are blessed to have them as our kids.
For every rough time now, there are twice as many good times and we have the experience to change the surroundings to mitigate our sons upset and to regulate his sensory needs.
I'm praying to God for you. You've got this. Hang in there., Sometimes I just strap him into his car seat with a snack and drive around with a coffee for 20 months. It helps a little. But the number 1 thing that helps me is anti depressants.
I’m sure you have already tried so many things for the biting, but, just in case, have you tried buying a variety of chewies and keeping them on you and him 24/7? Try to stop the bite and give a chewie if you can, but if it’s too late, once he releases the bite say “no, bite this” and give a chewie?
I got bit twice, really bad a few weeks ago. They actually scarred., I also agree with the 3 yr old mark being hell! lol
The most challenging period either my son so far. If your son had a hard time sleeping, consider giving him melatonin. He needs to rest; we get stressed out on lack of sleep, same with little ones. Even worst because they don’t know how to self regulate(being a toddler and autistic). Try to make your routine as easy as possible for both of you and rest, whenever is possible!, Please find time to disconnect even for an hour, for minutes from all of your responsibilities at work and at home. Whether it’s sitting in your car, investing in headphones so you can have a little break while home or to be able to leave for a walk if possible. Three was hard age for us but things have gotten so much better. All the work and exhaustion is paying off but not without hard impossible days but you got this. You aren’t super human so you need to take a break even a small one. For me it’s headphones, CBD and watching a tv show while he’s in aba while I fold laundry. Your brain and body cannot keep spinning 24 hours a day and while I know babysitters or Nannie’s aren’t possible for many of us for many various reasons taking a short break to even sit outside and play a game on your phone or scroll Pinterest, anything really does help. When my son wants to vocalize stim he can but then mom puts her earbuds in and catches up on a podcast. Sending you love! It does get better., I believe my daughter is a level 3 with some 2 traits. She is nonverbal, uses gestures, and points now. 4 and 5 were her worst ages. She would scratch and kick me when there was a break in routine. The one thing I recommend is developing a routine and sticking to it. Once I had her in school her behavior improved tremendously. We still have some issues but I was able to develop a routine for her and stick to it. My main thought is that it gets better. I remember struggling to want to get up but doing it for your child is necessary. You are their world., I just feel compelled to say that if you are not talking to a therapist regularly- it has changed and potentially saved my life, >She would be Screaming for hours at a time sometimes.
Yep this is a good place to park my opinion.
As many others here will and have already attested, 3-5 seems to be the absolute worst age. Ours peaked at 5 years old with screaming and SIB literally ALL WAKING HOURS. Your mental health suffers immensely.. We had to move to Colorado just to get access to ABA because we aged out in our state sitting on wait lists. She has grown significantly there in the past year and a half, but it also gave us an 8 hour break every day which that alone helps. Her ASL grew a lot there as there are several staff who studied it in college, and she has suddenly come to understand how AAC works there. So that communication component alone has reduced behaviors IMMENSELY.
She still engages in SIB and protesting, but its not even close to 1-2 years ago. Its more often she wants someone else to shut up right now. Her whole motive to be nice to her baby brother and her dog is to shut them up from screaming/barking., I'm trying to delegate because I only get like 10 hours a week to even work at best, but now don't even have enough time to simply oversee others doing my work., This was me today. Walks around the pond in the stroller , sometimes it’s his car with an ice coffee and I’m already feeling better, Joy in the small things especially podcasts have been a saving grace for me when I’m overwhelmed by this all too!, My daughter has night terrors and also is 3yo. How do you deal with the night terrors?, You are not alone either. Anytime you need to scream, or vent, or whatever, please feel free to dm me. My daughter is grown now, but those years 2-5 were the worst. It got better., Thanks for sharing ❤, Seconding this. I've not seen Love on the Spectrum but a bittersweet sitcom called There She Goes gave me some rueful laughs and comfort. It's almost like social stories for adults - it helps! , Would you mind telling me what kind of medication you’re giving him. I’m giving my son Guafacine and it’s no change in his behavior, Fantastic list, thank you 🙏, Damn, Autistic Twins!! you are definitely a super woman. You are very strong. It’s okay to feel the way you do. I can’t even imagine what you must deal with. Kuddos to you.
Hopefully life will get better and they will also be better❤️
Stay strong for them!, thank you for your mention of the melatonin and about the shutting off of the brain. this has helped me understand some of my son's behaviors a lot better and I intend to research more on these subjects. thank you!, Thank you for sharing. I hope you and your spouse get rest and time for self care., Yup. I’m I believe at the peak right now with my ASD lvl 3 son and he’s 5.5 yrs old. It doesn’t help that he’s built like Tarzan- seriously he’s so strong and twice the size of other kids his age. He looks like he plays football. I have another child who is 9, a girl, and she’s ASD lvl 1. She peaked at around 4 yrs old and I remember back then thinking “I cannot do this”. Age definitely helped with her and many cannot tell she has autism. My son is a totally different story as he is non verbal.
I’ve said it a million times on this sub but the only thing getting me through right now is HOPE. That’s all that got me through before. When I look back to when my daughter was 4 I thought there was no way she would ever be able to function in society and here we are today she has done a total 180.
I believe with my son I will need to look into medication bc although it hasn’t been diagnosed yet- I think he has some pretty bad adhd and that is inhibiting his learning with all his other therapies. I cannot have him in school right now bc where I live there are no special ed programs- zero- nothing. He does go to speech and OT and has 6 of those therapies a week that I take him to.
Op, I also have my own business and it’s been a HUGE struggle trying to do that along with all the therapies and then raising my other two children and all their school stuff, maintaining the house, etc. Some days are better than others but I am TIRED.
You are not alone!, Right? Often the little things can really help., Basically, by any means necessary. First thing I focus on is calming him down, so I go through my checklist of potential causes of him awakening (hungry, thirsty, diaper, etc.). Sometimes he just needs to be held. If none of those are an issue, I turn on the lights and put on his favorite cartoon, which usually works best. I let him calm for 15-20 minutes and thenI put him in the car and drive around the neighborhood until he falls back asleep (driving him in the car is my go-to when I need him to fall asleep in normal situations as well, something about the vibrations, I put on calming music, it just works for him).
I don't know if it's the most efficient system, or if it is applicable to your situation in any way, but I hope that helps. It has varying levels of success, some nights it works relatively quickly and I only lose an hour or so of sleep, some nights it takes much longer and I get him back to sleep but am unable to go back to sleep myself.
Best of luck to you and your daughter getting through the night terrors. My son is having them less frequently as he gets older, there's light at the end of the tunnel., I appreciate the thought. Usually if I do feel alone, I read some of the stories in this sub about what others are going through and it makes me feel a little better because I can not only feel like I'm not the only one dealing with this, but also maybe I see somewhere where I can pass along something that helps me to someone else and make their experience easier in some small way.
I've always been an optimist and am relentlessly positive. I had no idea how beneficial that skill was going to be until I became a dad of an ASD kid., We started with Resperidone and just recently added in Guafacine, I believe the guafacine is more for the ADHD side of things, where the resperidone is for his ASD.
The very first week on resperidone was a God send! Immediately noticed a mood change. Just had to dial in the dosage over a few months, My son takes a tiny dose of melatonin 4 hours before bed to help him produce his own melatonin. He takes only 0.1 mg whereas his pediatrician initially recommended taking 1-3mg before bedtime. I used to give him 0.5mg before bedtime, but he'd wake up groggy and irritable. This video had some information about low dose melatonin and the body clock: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mf3mhui8Bo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mf3mhui8Bo), Thank u. I get LOTS of rest because I have chronic pain & lay down every afternoon after lunch to read & watch AU tv on my laptop. It works for me., I'm also an optimistic person, counting blessings was always my go-to. Being part of this sub is so helpful., Did he get the side effect of gaining weight on resperidone?, I am glad you have time for yourself., No weight gain but he eats everything in sight now. He used to be very picky, Wow, the medication helped with his picky eating? My almost 6 year old is extremely skinny and has a very limited diet. It's very triggering for my husband along with the vocal stimming and obsession with screens/devices. I should discuss with our ped., 3yo age was the worst for us. ASD level 3
Tiny human. No biting but a lot of hitting, tantrums, breaking things, throwing things, etc. I honestly didn’t know how we would get past it. I cried thinking this was the rest of my life. She would be Screaming for hours at a time sometimes. No talking, no eye contact, refusing to eat most things, clobbering me with toys… I working full time, no family or support, barely sleeping or eating from the stress…
Then we got to 4 and it was like a calm came over my kiddo and although still at times chaotic and overly energetic… the hitting stopped. The throwing things stopped. Things very slowing began to improve… so all I can say is, I don’t know if it will get better for you but I am sending positive vibes into the universe for you and your little. And I hope you see improvement and progress. I know what that struggle looks like, and I feel for you. You are doing an amazing job! And must love your little so much that you are draining yourself to keep up 💛, I second 3 being the worst age for us so far (he’ll be 5 in 5 months). Parenting is hard as shit. I’ve always been overstimulated by noise, and even my son’s “happy noises” deeply overstimulate me. Hell, I’ve been lying in bed for 90 minutes licking my wounds after wrestling my 3 year old NT toddler to sleep.
Parenting never ends. We know we have to wake up in the morning and do it all again. Therapies help but it can take a really long time to see progress. My son has been in ABA, speech and OT for 2.5 years and I definitely see progress. By the time he goes to kindergarten he would have been in those therapies for 4 years.
I am the sole income for the household and I’m very ambitious professionally. I hire help to give me breaks. I’m on medication and so is my son. Every little bit helps. I’m using all the tools I can find. I empathize deeply with you. ♥️, Toddler years were brutal. There is an overwhelming probability that he’ll improve over time especially given that he’s already getting therapy. Progress can be slow and feels excruciating especially when no one is having much fun.
Try to find joy in small things. A podcast you like or maybe he likes to go for walks in a wagon or stroller. I used to like car rides becuase she was in her seat and I could listen to music and drink coffee and feel normal.
Just one day at a time. You’re doing great., Just want to say I'm literally in the same boat right now. My 3 year old ASD son had night terrors last night. I'm on about 2 hours sleep right now, had to keep him home from preschool which meant I had to stay home as well, and I have absolutely zero fucking energy but I also have to take care of my son, who despite having only slightly more sleep then I did, is completely full of energy and is showing no signs of slowing down.
You are not alone. I don't know if that helps you at all but it definitely helped me to read your post and see that I'm not the only sleep deprived half delirious parent of a child who can't control his own emotions, which means I have to often sacrifice myself to make sure he doesn't hurt himself.
I have no strength to go on, but somehow, I do anyway. Hang in there, and best of luck., My son is also level 3. Life is horrible at times. I feel you. Trust the process. He might get better with time. He needs you to be with him, to live with him.
Stay strong, write the little things that makes you feel joy, even if they are minimal.
Many people say “proud autistic mom/dad” and that “they wouldn’t change a thing” and we all know that is some BS! This is something i wouldn’t wish on anyone and definitely not the life i ever imagine to have when i thought of having a family of my own. But this is what life gave me and you. So we have to be there for them and guide them.
My biggest advice is to try and work your self, find something distracting to do, find a passion, find an activity that can help you bond with him… something to feel alive. To feel love for him. Because truly you are all he needs and depends on.
You sound like a very tired and overwhelmed dad. You need your time and space to feel better.
Im dealing with my own battles. But honestly Autism is such a huge spectrum that sadly what others do with their kiddos is a hit or miss. You just have to observe him and analyze the why of his behaviors and see if if communication, pain or overstimulation.
Hang in there, you are a great Dad!, So is there any possibility he’s constipated, my child bit(excessively) and we were able to figure out she was constipated despite having two bowel movements a day. We pulled her off milk and I’ve noticed a change. For the sleeplessness ask his doctor about starting a b12 in the morning and melatonin/magnesium citrate supplement in the evening about 30 minutes before bed. You’ve got this, if you’re looking for people in your local area reach out to Special Olympics, I promise you, you will find a wonderful support group., This probably sounds kinda dumb, but watching the show Love on the Spectrum on Netflix helped me out a lot during a low time after my daughter’s level 3 diagnosis. It helped a lot to see the autistic adults and their relationships with their families. It gave me something to hope for and made me think maybe we’ll be alright if other families like us have made it work., My 6 yo non verbal was the same way! Still is from time to time. We finally got his medication nailed down and it has made a world of difference. I feel like we got our child back. Medication might seem scary at first ( I felt the same way ) but it is the best thing ever for him!, My son is 3 and has just discovered anger. Several months ago he discovered sadness. I honestly can’t tell which was worse for my husband and I maybe anger bd im getting bitten or my hair pulled multiple times a day now.
My sweet little angel baby is temporarily out of commission so Idfk. I guess I’m just here to say solidarity. Sounds like it’s time to do something just for you. It won’t be a long term fix. But it’ll help I hope. Hang in there friend., Navigating the complexities and challenges of parenting a child with severe autism is undeniably tough, and it's clear you're doing an incredible job managing these challenges despite the immense pressure they place on you. Your dedication to your child's well-being, amidst managing a business and tackling sleepless nights, is truly admirable. Remember, it's okay to feel overwhelmed and seek support—you're not alone in this journey.
Here are a few suggestions and reminders that might offer some comfort and assistance:
1. **Connect with Community**: Engaging with forums, support groups, or local communities of parents in similar situations can provide invaluable emotional support and practical advice. Sharing experiences can help reduce feelings of isolation and provide new insights or strategies for managing challenging behaviors.
2. **Respite Care**: If possible, look into respite care services. Even a few hours a week can provide you with essential rest and time to recharge, which is vital for your well-being and, by extension, the well-being of your family.
3. **Celebrate Small Victories**: Progress in areas like eye contact is significant. Celebrating these milestones, no matter how small they seem, can help maintain a positive outlook and remind you of the progress being made over time.
4. **Seek Professional Support**: If you haven't already, consider talking to a mental health professional for yourself. It’s important to care for your own mental and emotional health. Therapists can offer strategies to manage stress and cope with the feelings of hopelessness and isolation.
5. **Explore Additional Therapies**: If certain therapies aren't yielding the desired outcomes, it might be helpful to explore other options. Every child is unique, and sometimes it takes a bit of trial and error to find the right combination of therapies that work.
6. **Focus on Self-Care**: It's often said, but easily overlooked—taking care of yourself is crucial. Simple activities like reading, taking short walks, or practicing mindfulness can make a significant difference in your overall well-being.
7. **Educational Resources and Assistance**: Look into educational resources and programs that might be available for your child. Early intervention programs, special education services, and behavioral therapies can offer support tailored to your child’s needs.
8. **Advocacy**: Become an advocate for your child’s needs in all settings. Understanding your rights and services available can be empowering and can open up additional support avenues.
Remember, it's okay to ask for help and take breaks. You're doing an extraordinary job under exceptionally challenging circumstances. Your strength and commitment to your child's growth and happiness are commendable. Keep reaching out, stay connected with those who understand, and never hesitate to seek the support you deserve., My son was just like yours. He is level 3 and non speaking and it is hard! It does get better though. My son is six years old now and he's much easier to take care of than when he was three. I'm not saying things are perfect and no longer hard, but age does make a big difference! This community understands and we're all here for you. Your life will improve, and so will your child's. Three is a very hard age even when the kid is neurotypical, hang in there! It does get better, things got a million times better after he started kindergarten., I have 6 yr old autistic twins and it really is so hard. My marriage is over, I initiated divorce a few weeks ago, but I'm sure the stress of the twins had a lot to do with its demise. I get so frustrated sometimes I just sit on the floor and cry and scream at the top of my lungs.
It took two years to potty train one twin and now I'm almost 8 months into training the other. The potty-trained twin had two back-to-back potty accidents (like poop all over the floor and wiped her butt with a couch pillow) this past weekend and I absolutely lost it. All the hard work and frustration seems never-ending.
I honestly hate my life most days, but I just get over it and find ways to distract myself from the misery. I listen to music or think about an upcoming vacation or start looking for my dream pieces of furniture and make a Pinterest board, or doom scroll on social media, get into specific genres of films, or whatever.
Just writing to say, I'm also not so happy about life right now., 2 and 3 are hell., you will get through it, but:
1) take turns getting good night sleep with your partner
2) get respite care, PCAs, friends, relatives — whatever — time when you can go somewhere else. often these are limited and kind of suck, but you need to be able to recharge.
3) talk to your primary care or paychiatrist and your child’s pediatrician or psychiatrist about meds that may help — either you or your child.
You can get through it, and it CAN improve. You’re at a hard juxtaposition of all things right now, but it will get better. slowly.
4) Get other help. finding good help that can directly help WITH your child is always hard. If you can’t find that, get other types of help — with laundry, house cleaning, etc..
Order groceries. Or meals. Use disposable plates. whatever you can do that lightens the load.
School is coming, and, while that will bring plenty of its own challenges, it will provide a lot of daily relief., Three is a terrible age, like most others have agreed.
Gentle advice: Focus on health and safety, but let the other stuff go. Eye contact isn't essential, and it may stress your child more- which in turn stresses *you* more. This also goes for things like eating at the table. Reject "therapy" that doesn't make sense for your child's developmental stage. He may need more time, or just have an alternate way of "being."
Sending support., So sorry to hear that 🙁💜🙏
Sounds like maybe you need a break/disengage some, I pretty much feel the same so i dont have great advice 💜, 3 is absolutely the hardest. My boy is level 3 nonverbal he’s 4.5 now thankfully. Honestly just take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. Remember it is okay to cry and you’re doing your best and that’s okay!, I’ve heard 3 years old is the worst for autistic kids. So maybe it’s all uphill from here!, I feel like this at least once a week 🥴 my two year old is level 3. What I have found to be most helpful is keeping the faith and knowing that things could be worse. I also pray daily and sometimes I feel like the higher power always seems to know when it's all too much for me because I'll get blessed with a small break out of nowhere. I also use a gratitude jar. It helps keep my grounded and lifts me up whenever I start to feel like it's all too much. Try to focus on the progress that has been made. Ask for help and don't be afraid to accept it when it's offered. I know it's tough. Hang in there mama 💓, I felt helpless when my son was 3, I wasn't sleeping more than 1-2 hours at a time and his aggression was really activating my PTSD. (3 has also been the hardest age for my neurotypical kids.) My mental health deteriorated and I had to take a medical leave of absence from work to attend intensive inpatient therapy shortly before he turned 4.
He's 5 now and has been in full-time ABA for a year. He does go through phases where there is more biting and scratching but we can communicate better. He's still nonverbal, but he is finally open to learning some signs and after getting an AAC device for him it became obvious he can already spell a ton of words! He is getting his needs met better. I know ABA and speech therapy have been a big part of his progress, but so has the passage of time.
3 year olds are experiencing molars (hence more biting), their brains are growing so rapidly that sensory issues are magnified, plus kids tend to have sleep issues when going through developmental leaps. It's even harder for ASD kids because their brains don't always shut off and their bodies aren't always producing melatonin at the right time/right amounts.
Your son may continue to struggle with communication and destructive behaviors, but I believe you're probably experiencing the very worst of it. If you need extra support, consider letting his ABA crew know how much you're struggling at home. My son's ABA therapist and case manager have recently started coming into our home twice per week for parent training., Can you get Respite? Can anyone else take him while you rest?, No advice just hoping for better days for you and kiddo 💙, 3 is the worst age? I was in medical school. My 16 year old daughter kicks me in the face, breaks my phone- I have no friends, no family wants anything to do with me or her, I sacrificed everything to raise her and my husband of 20 plus years always was working and it was always me raising her, my slightly more functional autistic son - I felt like a single parent but always knew he was working and there for me, especially when our oldest, died at 16. Now he admitted it’s been 20 years of lies and infidelity. I have nothing. I sacrificed everything for nothing. My birthday is March 27 and I just want it to END, Tired of being alive is a good way to put it. I remember telling hus I felt the kids sucked me dry. Both my kids are on a Spectrum & I'm sorry to tell you, it never got better for me. We are now 70 & 75 & he tells me he looks forward to dying. Having children was not a joyous experience for me. It was fraught with worry, shame, fear, despair.
Think my oldest is Asperger. He was on Ritalin. 'Didnt like it' so clinic said he didnt have to. Killed hamster, loner, drugs, shoplifting, now estranged from fam at almost 36. Never married, underachiever, emotionally stilted. Blames us.
Youngest is Bipolar, almost 33. Her oldest dau is Spectrum, 8. Smearing stool, no friends, wets bed, school struggles.
I feel like our fam has bad DNA. It's good my son had no children. He told me I shouldnt have had him because I'm Bipolar. My parents had things wrong with them (birth father sexual deviant, birth mother alcoholic & narcissistic) but my daughter threw a wrench in the DNA by marrying a low-IQ person & having Irish Twins with him. The 2-yr old has delayed speech. Not sure what's wrong with 1-yr old yet.
There are so many MH problems today; not enuf proper healthcare available. I hope the right help comes to you because from my Vantage Point the only advice is: Respite. I hope you can get time away for self-care ie massage, pedicure, walk in a tulip field, etc. Whatever will restore you & heal you til the next crisis.
I did not have that. We were estranged from my family & the kids grew up with just us two. No respite help except hus & he worked two jobs. Lots of mistakes, looking back. Like all parents say, we did our best., We started doing ABA along with developmental pre-school when my son was three, his attention got improved which improved his understanding. He will be 4 this June, there is a lot of improvement. I recommend the same., Taking a neurodiversity affirming approach has been the best thing for us. Your child does not need to make eye contact to learn or participate. I’m neurodivergent myself and making constant eye contact actually makes listening and learning more difficult. Embracing differences and moving forward with a different perspective and different approach can do wonders for some ND kids. ABA may be stressing your child out to where they are only able to display the behaviors you’re seeing when they’re with you at home. It often sounds like parents are describing how much they’re fighting against their child’s natural way of being and it’s actually making the behaviors worse. We embrace our daughter for exactly who she is and only focus on working through behaviors in a positive way that could affect others and we see improvements all the time. Sure, every kid is different, but I believe many parents are stressing themselves out more because they’re so busy trying to change who their child is and not giving them much of a chance to flourish despite their differences and hurdles. I’ve also realized that our daughter develops and progresses on her own timeline so we stopped pushing to reach “milestones” on a specific timeline and focus instead on building on her strengths and now she reaches them on her own timeline, just a little behind what’s “typical” for her age and is happy during the process. This approach has made her so much more receptive in those times where she does need to go outside her comfort zone and we know she feels she can trust us which makes a difference as well., This made me super sad to read, because my wife and I understand. It's very hard, but our kids need us. My son was really violent at three because he didn't understand much of what was going on around him and add to this equation that we couldn't understand his needs, he would lash out.
Things will get easier. Not because the challenges will go, because in all honesty that just change. This will get easier because you will be more able to bare that load. Christ gives us all a cross to bare and this is yours. The fact you are still going and still here is demonstrative of how strong you are. Our children were lucky to be born to us as parents, but more importantly we are blessed to have them as our kids.
For every rough time now, there are twice as many good times and we have the experience to change the surroundings to mitigate our sons upset and to regulate his sensory needs.
I'm praying to God for you. You've got this. Hang in there., Sometimes I just strap him into his car seat with a snack and drive around with a coffee for 20 months. It helps a little. But the number 1 thing that helps me is anti depressants.
I’m sure you have already tried so many things for the biting, but, just in case, have you tried buying a variety of chewies and keeping them on you and him 24/7? Try to stop the bite and give a chewie if you can, but if it’s too late, once he releases the bite say “no, bite this” and give a chewie?
I got bit twice, really bad a few weeks ago. They actually scarred., I also agree with the 3 yr old mark being hell! lol
The most challenging period either my son so far. If your son had a hard time sleeping, consider giving him melatonin. He needs to rest; we get stressed out on lack of sleep, same with little ones. Even worst because they don’t know how to self regulate(being a toddler and autistic). Try to make your routine as easy as possible for both of you and rest, whenever is possible!, Please find time to disconnect even for an hour, for minutes from all of your responsibilities at work and at home. Whether it’s sitting in your car, investing in headphones so you can have a little break while home or to be able to leave for a walk if possible. Three was hard age for us but things have gotten so much better. All the work and exhaustion is paying off but not without hard impossible days but you got this. You aren’t super human so you need to take a break even a small one. For me it’s headphones, CBD and watching a tv show while he’s in aba while I fold laundry. Your brain and body cannot keep spinning 24 hours a day and while I know babysitters or Nannie’s aren’t possible for many of us for many various reasons taking a short break to even sit outside and play a game on your phone or scroll Pinterest, anything really does help. When my son wants to vocalize stim he can but then mom puts her earbuds in and catches up on a podcast. Sending you love! It does get better., I believe my daughter is a level 3 with some 2 traits. She is nonverbal, uses gestures, and points now. 4 and 5 were her worst ages. She would scratch and kick me when there was a break in routine. The one thing I recommend is developing a routine and sticking to it. Once I had her in school her behavior improved tremendously. We still have some issues but I was able to develop a routine for her and stick to it. My main thought is that it gets better. I remember struggling to want to get up but doing it for your child is necessary. You are their world., I just feel compelled to say that if you are not talking to a therapist regularly- it has changed and potentially saved my life, >She would be Screaming for hours at a time sometimes.
Yep this is a good place to park my opinion.
As many others here will and have already attested, 3-5 seems to be the absolute worst age. Ours peaked at 5 years old with screaming and SIB literally ALL WAKING HOURS. Your mental health suffers immensely.. We had to move to Colorado just to get access to ABA because we aged out in our state sitting on wait lists. She has grown significantly there in the past year and a half, but it also gave us an 8 hour break every day which that alone helps. Her ASL grew a lot there as there are several staff who studied it in college, and she has suddenly come to understand how AAC works there. So that communication component alone has reduced behaviors IMMENSELY.
She still engages in SIB and protesting, but its not even close to 1-2 years ago. Its more often she wants someone else to shut up right now. Her whole motive to be nice to her baby brother and her dog is to shut them up from screaming/barking., I'm trying to delegate because I only get like 10 hours a week to even work at best, but now don't even have enough time to simply oversee others doing my work., This was me today. Walks around the pond in the stroller , sometimes it’s his car with an ice coffee and I’m already feeling better, Joy in the small things especially podcasts have been a saving grace for me when I’m overwhelmed by this all too!, My daughter has night terrors and also is 3yo. How do you deal with the night terrors?, You are not alone either. Anytime you need to scream, or vent, or whatever, please feel free to dm me. My daughter is grown now, but those years 2-5 were the worst. It got better., Thanks for sharing ❤, Seconding this. I've not seen Love on the Spectrum but a bittersweet sitcom called There She Goes gave me some rueful laughs and comfort. It's almost like social stories for adults - it helps! , Would you mind telling me what kind of medication you’re giving him. I’m giving my son Guafacine and it’s no change in his behavior, Fantastic list, thank you 🙏, Damn, Autistic Twins!! you are definitely a super woman. You are very strong. It’s okay to feel the way you do. I can’t even imagine what you must deal with. Kuddos to you.
Hopefully life will get better and they will also be better❤️
Stay strong for them!, thank you for your mention of the melatonin and about the shutting off of the brain. this has helped me understand some of my son's behaviors a lot better and I intend to research more on these subjects. thank you!, Thank you for sharing. I hope you and your spouse get rest and time for self care., Yup. I’m I believe at the peak right now with my ASD lvl 3 son and he’s 5.5 yrs old. It doesn’t help that he’s built like Tarzan- seriously he’s so strong and twice the size of other kids his age. He looks like he plays football. I have another child who is 9, a girl, and she’s ASD lvl 1. She peaked at around 4 yrs old and I remember back then thinking “I cannot do this”. Age definitely helped with her and many cannot tell she has autism. My son is a totally different story as he is non verbal.
I’ve said it a million times on this sub but the only thing getting me through right now is HOPE. That’s all that got me through before. When I look back to when my daughter was 4 I thought there was no way she would ever be able to function in society and here we are today she has done a total 180.
I believe with my son I will need to look into medication bc although it hasn’t been diagnosed yet- I think he has some pretty bad adhd and that is inhibiting his learning with all his other therapies. I cannot have him in school right now bc where I live there are no special ed programs- zero- nothing. He does go to speech and OT and has 6 of those therapies a week that I take him to.
Op, I also have my own business and it’s been a HUGE struggle trying to do that along with all the therapies and then raising my other two children and all their school stuff, maintaining the house, etc. Some days are better than others but I am TIRED.
You are not alone!, Right? Often the little things can really help., Basically, by any means necessary. First thing I focus on is calming him down, so I go through my checklist of potential causes of him awakening (hungry, thirsty, diaper, etc.). Sometimes he just needs to be held. If none of those are an issue, I turn on the lights and put on his favorite cartoon, which usually works best. I let him calm for 15-20 minutes and thenI put him in the car and drive around the neighborhood until he falls back asleep (driving him in the car is my go-to when I need him to fall asleep in normal situations as well, something about the vibrations, I put on calming music, it just works for him).
I don't know if it's the most efficient system, or if it is applicable to your situation in any way, but I hope that helps. It has varying levels of success, some nights it works relatively quickly and I only lose an hour or so of sleep, some nights it takes much longer and I get him back to sleep but am unable to go back to sleep myself.
Best of luck to you and your daughter getting through the night terrors. My son is having them less frequently as he gets older, there's light at the end of the tunnel., I appreciate the thought. Usually if I do feel alone, I read some of the stories in this sub about what others are going through and it makes me feel a little better because I can not only feel like I'm not the only one dealing with this, but also maybe I see somewhere where I can pass along something that helps me to someone else and make their experience easier in some small way.
I've always been an optimist and am relentlessly positive. I had no idea how beneficial that skill was going to be until I became a dad of an ASD kid., We started with Resperidone and just recently added in Guafacine, I believe the guafacine is more for the ADHD side of things, where the resperidone is for his ASD.
The very first week on resperidone was a God send! Immediately noticed a mood change. Just had to dial in the dosage over a few months, My son takes a tiny dose of melatonin 4 hours before bed to help him produce his own melatonin. He takes only 0.1 mg whereas his pediatrician initially recommended taking 1-3mg before bedtime. I used to give him 0.5mg before bedtime, but he'd wake up groggy and irritable. This video had some information about low dose melatonin and the body clock: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mf3mhui8Bo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mf3mhui8Bo), Thank u. I get LOTS of rest because I have chronic pain & lay down every afternoon after lunch to read & watch AU tv on my laptop. It works for me., I'm also an optimistic person, counting blessings was always my go-to. Being part of this sub is so helpful., Did he get the side effect of gaining weight on resperidone?, I am glad you have time for yourself., No weight gain but he eats everything in sight now. He used to be very picky, Wow, the medication helped with his picky eating? My almost 6 year old is extremely skinny and has a very limited diet. It's very triggering for my husband along with the vocal stimming and obsession with screens/devices. I should discuss with our ped., 3yo age was the worst for us. ASD level 3
Tiny human. No biting but a lot of hitting, tantrums, breaking things, throwing things, etc. I honestly didn’t know how we would get past it. I cried thinking this was the rest of my life. She would be Screaming for hours at a time sometimes. No talking, no eye contact, refusing to eat most things, clobbering me with toys… I working full time, no family or support, barely sleeping or eating from the stress…
Then we got to 4 and it was like a calm came over my kiddo and although still at times chaotic and overly energetic… the hitting stopped. The throwing things stopped. Things very slowing began to improve… so all I can say is, I don’t know if it will get better for you but I am sending positive vibes into the universe for you and your little. And I hope you see improvement and progress. I know what that struggle looks like, and I feel for you. You are doing an amazing job! And must love your little so much that you are draining yourself to keep up 💛, I second 3 being the worst age for us so far (he’ll be 5 in 5 months). Parenting is hard as shit. I’ve always been overstimulated by noise, and even my son’s “happy noises” deeply overstimulate me. Hell, I’ve been lying in bed for 90 minutes licking my wounds after wrestling my 3 year old NT toddler to sleep.
Parenting never ends. We know we have to wake up in the morning and do it all again. Therapies help but it can take a really long time to see progress. My son has been in ABA, speech and OT for 2.5 years and I definitely see progress. By the time he goes to kindergarten he would have been in those therapies for 4 years.
I am the sole income for the household and I’m very ambitious professionally. I hire help to give me breaks. I’m on medication and so is my son. Every little bit helps. I’m using all the tools I can find. I empathize deeply with you. ♥️, Toddler years were brutal. There is an overwhelming probability that he’ll improve over time especially given that he’s already getting therapy. Progress can be slow and feels excruciating especially when no one is having much fun.
Try to find joy in small things. A podcast you like or maybe he likes to go for walks in a wagon or stroller. I used to like car rides becuase she was in her seat and I could listen to music and drink coffee and feel normal.
Just one day at a time. You’re doing great., Just want to say I'm literally in the same boat right now. My 3 year old ASD son had night terrors last night. I'm on about 2 hours sleep right now, had to keep him home from preschool which meant I had to stay home as well, and I have absolutely zero fucking energy but I also have to take care of my son, who despite having only slightly more sleep then I did, is completely full of energy and is showing no signs of slowing down.
You are not alone. I don't know if that helps you at all but it definitely helped me to read your post and see that I'm not the only sleep deprived half delirious parent of a child who can't control his own emotions, which means I have to often sacrifice myself to make sure he doesn't hurt himself.
I have no strength to go on, but somehow, I do anyway. Hang in there, and best of luck., My son is also level 3. Life is horrible at times. I feel you. Trust the process. He might get better with time. He needs you to be with him, to live with him.
Stay strong, write the little things that makes you feel joy, even if they are minimal.
Many people say “proud autistic mom/dad” and that “they wouldn’t change a thing” and we all know that is some BS! This is something i wouldn’t wish on anyone and definitely not the life i ever imagine to have when i thought of having a family of my own. But this is what life gave me and you. So we have to be there for them and guide them.
My biggest advice is to try and work your self, find something distracting to do, find a passion, find an activity that can help you bond with him… something to feel alive. To feel love for him. Because truly you are all he needs and depends on.
You sound like a very tired and overwhelmed dad. You need your time and space to feel better.
Im dealing with my own battles. But honestly Autism is such a huge spectrum that sadly what others do with their kiddos is a hit or miss. You just have to observe him and analyze the why of his behaviors and see if if communication, pain or overstimulation.
Hang in there, you are a great Dad!, So is there any possibility he’s constipated, my child bit(excessively) and we were able to figure out she was constipated despite having two bowel movements a day. We pulled her off milk and I’ve noticed a change. For the sleeplessness ask his doctor about starting a b12 in the morning and melatonin/magnesium citrate supplement in the evening about 30 minutes before bed. You’ve got this, if you’re looking for people in your local area reach out to Special Olympics, I promise you, you will find a wonderful support group., This probably sounds kinda dumb, but watching the show Love on the Spectrum on Netflix helped me out a lot during a low time after my daughter’s level 3 diagnosis. It helped a lot to see the autistic adults and their relationships with their families. It gave me something to hope for and made me think maybe we’ll be alright if other families like us have made it work., My 6 yo non verbal was the same way! Still is from time to time. We finally got his medication nailed down and it has made a world of difference. I feel like we got our child back. Medication might seem scary at first ( I felt the same way ) but it is the best thing ever for him!, My son is 3 and has just discovered anger. Several months ago he discovered sadness. I honestly can’t tell which was worse for my husband and I maybe anger bd im getting bitten or my hair pulled multiple times a day now.
My sweet little angel baby is temporarily out of commission so Idfk. I guess I’m just here to say solidarity. Sounds like it’s time to do something just for you. It won’t be a long term fix. But it’ll help I hope. Hang in there friend., Navigating the complexities and challenges of parenting a child with severe autism is undeniably tough, and it's clear you're doing an incredible job managing these challenges despite the immense pressure they place on you. Your dedication to your child's well-being, amidst managing a business and tackling sleepless nights, is truly admirable. Remember, it's okay to feel overwhelmed and seek support—you're not alone in this journey.
Here are a few suggestions and reminders that might offer some comfort and assistance:
1. **Connect with Community**: Engaging with forums, support groups, or local communities of parents in similar situations can provide invaluable emotional support and practical advice. Sharing experiences can help reduce feelings of isolation and provide new insights or strategies for managing challenging behaviors.
2. **Respite Care**: If possible, look into respite care services. Even a few hours a week can provide you with essential rest and time to recharge, which is vital for your well-being and, by extension, the well-being of your family.
3. **Celebrate Small Victories**: Progress in areas like eye contact is significant. Celebrating these milestones, no matter how small they seem, can help maintain a positive outlook and remind you of the progress being made over time.
4. **Seek Professional Support**: If you haven't already, consider talking to a mental health professional for yourself. It’s important to care for your own mental and emotional health. Therapists can offer strategies to manage stress and cope with the feelings of hopelessness and isolation.
5. **Explore Additional Therapies**: If certain therapies aren't yielding the desired outcomes, it might be helpful to explore other options. Every child is unique, and sometimes it takes a bit of trial and error to find the right combination of therapies that work.
6. **Focus on Self-Care**: It's often said, but easily overlooked—taking care of yourself is crucial. Simple activities like reading, taking short walks, or practicing mindfulness can make a significant difference in your overall well-being.
7. **Educational Resources and Assistance**: Look into educational resources and programs that might be available for your child. Early intervention programs, special education services, and behavioral therapies can offer support tailored to your child’s needs.
8. **Advocacy**: Become an advocate for your child’s needs in all settings. Understanding your rights and services available can be empowering and can open up additional support avenues.
Remember, it's okay to ask for help and take breaks. You're doing an extraordinary job under exceptionally challenging circumstances. Your strength and commitment to your child's growth and happiness are commendable. Keep reaching out, stay connected with those who understand, and never hesitate to seek the support you deserve., My son was just like yours. He is level 3 and non speaking and it is hard! It does get better though. My son is six years old now and he's much easier to take care of than when he was three. I'm not saying things are perfect and no longer hard, but age does make a big difference! This community understands and we're all here for you. Your life will improve, and so will your child's. Three is a very hard age even when the kid is neurotypical, hang in there! It does get better, things got a million times better after he started kindergarten., I have 6 yr old autistic twins and it really is so hard. My marriage is over, I initiated divorce a few weeks ago, but I'm sure the stress of the twins had a lot to do with its demise. I get so frustrated sometimes I just sit on the floor and cry and scream at the top of my lungs.
It took two years to potty train one twin and now I'm almost 8 months into training the other. The potty-trained twin had two back-to-back potty accidents (like poop all over the floor and wiped her butt with a couch pillow) this past weekend and I absolutely lost it. All the hard work and frustration seems never-ending.
I honestly hate my life most days, but I just get over it and find ways to distract myself from the misery. I listen to music or think about an upcoming vacation or start looking for my dream pieces of furniture and make a Pinterest board, or doom scroll on social media, get into specific genres of films, or whatever.
Just writing to say, I'm also not so happy about life right now., 2 and 3 are hell., you will get through it, but:
1) take turns getting good night sleep with your partner
2) get respite care, PCAs, friends, relatives — whatever — time when you can go somewhere else. often these are limited and kind of suck, but you need to be able to recharge.
3) talk to your primary care or paychiatrist and your child’s pediatrician or psychiatrist about meds that may help — either you or your child.
You can get through it, and it CAN improve. You’re at a hard juxtaposition of all things right now, but it will get better. slowly.
4) Get other help. finding good help that can directly help WITH your child is always hard. If you can’t find that, get other types of help — with laundry, house cleaning, etc..
Order groceries. Or meals. Use disposable plates. whatever you can do that lightens the load.
School is coming, and, while that will bring plenty of its own challenges, it will provide a lot of daily relief., Three is a terrible age, like most others have agreed.
Gentle advice: Focus on health and safety, but let the other stuff go. Eye contact isn't essential, and it may stress your child more- which in turn stresses *you* more. This also goes for things like eating at the table. Reject "therapy" that doesn't make sense for your child's developmental stage. He may need more time, or just have an alternate way of "being."
Sending support., So sorry to hear that 🙁💜🙏
Sounds like maybe you need a break/disengage some, I pretty much feel the same so i dont have great advice 💜, 3 is absolutely the hardest. My boy is level 3 nonverbal he’s 4.5 now thankfully. Honestly just take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. Remember it is okay to cry and you’re doing your best and that’s okay!, I’ve heard 3 years old is the worst for autistic kids. So maybe it’s all uphill from here!, I feel like this at least once a week 🥴 my two year old is level 3. What I have found to be most helpful is keeping the faith and knowing that things could be worse. I also pray daily and sometimes I feel like the higher power always seems to know when it's all too much for me because I'll get blessed with a small break out of nowhere. I also use a gratitude jar. It helps keep my grounded and lifts me up whenever I start to feel like it's all too much. Try to focus on the progress that has been made. Ask for help and don't be afraid to accept it when it's offered. I know it's tough. Hang in there mama 💓, I felt helpless when my son was 3, I wasn't sleeping more than 1-2 hours at a time and his aggression was really activating my PTSD. (3 has also been the hardest age for my neurotypical kids.) My mental health deteriorated and I had to take a medical leave of absence from work to attend intensive inpatient therapy shortly before he turned 4.
He's 5 now and has been in full-time ABA for a year. He does go through phases where there is more biting and scratching but we can communicate better. He's still nonverbal, but he is finally open to learning some signs and after getting an AAC device for him it became obvious he can already spell a ton of words! He is getting his needs met better. I know ABA and speech therapy have been a big part of his progress, but so has the passage of time.
3 year olds are experiencing molars (hence more biting), their brains are growing so rapidly that sensory issues are magnified, plus kids tend to have sleep issues when going through developmental leaps. It's even harder for ASD kids because their brains don't always shut off and their bodies aren't always producing melatonin at the right time/right amounts.
Your son may continue to struggle with communication and destructive behaviors, but I believe you're probably experiencing the very worst of it. If you need extra support, consider letting his ABA crew know how much you're struggling at home. My son's ABA therapist and case manager have recently started coming into our home twice per week for parent training., Can you get Respite? Can anyone else take him while you rest?, No advice just hoping for better days for you and kiddo 💙, 3 is the worst age? I was in medical school. My 16 year old daughter kicks me in the face, breaks my phone- I have no friends, no family wants anything to do with me or her, I sacrificed everything to raise her and my husband of 20 plus years always was working and it was always me raising her, my slightly more functional autistic son - I felt like a single parent but always knew he was working and there for me, especially when our oldest, died at 16. Now he admitted it’s been 20 years of lies and infidelity. I have nothing. I sacrificed everything for nothing. My birthday is March 27 and I just want it to END, Tired of being alive is a good way to put it. I remember telling hus I felt the kids sucked me dry. Both my kids are on a Spectrum & I'm sorry to tell you, it never got better for me. We are now 70 & 75 & he tells me he looks forward to dying. Having children was not a joyous experience for me. It was fraught with worry, shame, fear, despair.
Think my oldest is Asperger. He was on Ritalin. 'Didnt like it' so clinic said he didnt have to. Killed hamster, loner, drugs, shoplifting, now estranged from fam at almost 36. Never married, underachiever, emotionally stilted. Blames us.
Youngest is Bipolar, almost 33. Her oldest dau is Spectrum, 8. Smearing stool, no friends, wets bed, school struggles.
I feel like our fam has bad DNA. It's good my son had no children. He told me I shouldnt have had him because I'm Bipolar. My parents had things wrong with them (birth father sexual deviant, birth mother alcoholic & narcissistic) but my daughter threw a wrench in the DNA by marrying a low-IQ person & having Irish Twins with him. The 2-yr old has delayed speech. Not sure what's wrong with 1-yr old yet.
There are so many MH problems today; not enuf proper healthcare available. I hope the right help comes to you because from my Vantage Point the only advice is: Respite. I hope you can get time away for self-care ie massage, pedicure, walk in a tulip field, etc. Whatever will restore you & heal you til the next crisis.
I did not have that. We were estranged from my family & the kids grew up with just us two. No respite help except hus & he worked two jobs. Lots of mistakes, looking back. Like all parents say, we did our best., We started doing ABA along with developmental pre-school when my son was three, his attention got improved which improved his understanding. He will be 4 this June, there is a lot of improvement. I recommend the same., Taking a neurodiversity affirming approach has been the best thing for us. Your child does not need to make eye contact to learn or participate. I’m neurodivergent myself and making constant eye contact actually makes listening and learning more difficult. Embracing differences and moving forward with a different perspective and different approach can do wonders for some ND kids. ABA may be stressing your child out to where they are only able to display the behaviors you’re seeing when they’re with you at home. It often sounds like parents are describing how much they’re fighting against their child’s natural way of being and it’s actually making the behaviors worse. We embrace our daughter for exactly who she is and only focus on working through behaviors in a positive way that could affect others and we see improvements all the time. Sure, every kid is different, but I believe many parents are stressing themselves out more because they’re so busy trying to change who their child is and not giving them much of a chance to flourish despite their differences and hurdles. I’ve also realized that our daughter develops and progresses on her own timeline so we stopped pushing to reach “milestones” on a specific timeline and focus instead on building on her strengths and now she reaches them on her own timeline, just a little behind what’s “typical” for her age and is happy during the process. This approach has made her so much more receptive in those times where she does need to go outside her comfort zone and we know she feels she can trust us which makes a difference as well., This made me super sad to read, because my wife and I understand. It's very hard, but our kids need us. My son was really violent at three because he didn't understand much of what was going on around him and add to this equation that we couldn't understand his needs, he would lash out.
Things will get easier. Not because the challenges will go, because in all honesty that just change. This will get easier because you will be more able to bare that load. Christ gives us all a cross to bare and this is yours. The fact you are still going and still here is demonstrative of how strong you are. Our children were lucky to be born to us as parents, but more importantly we are blessed to have them as our kids.
For every rough time now, there are twice as many good times and we have the experience to change the surroundings to mitigate our sons upset and to regulate his sensory needs.
I'm praying to God for you. You've got this. Hang in there., Sometimes I just strap him into his car seat with a snack and drive around with a coffee for 20 months. It helps a little. But the number 1 thing that helps me is anti depressants.
I’m sure you have already tried so many things for the biting, but, just in case, have you tried buying a variety of chewies and keeping them on you and him 24/7? Try to stop the bite and give a chewie if you can, but if it’s too late, once he releases the bite say “no, bite this” and give a chewie?
I got bit twice, really bad a few weeks ago. They actually scarred., I also agree with the 3 yr old mark being hell! lol
The most challenging period either my son so far. If your son had a hard time sleeping, consider giving him melatonin. He needs to rest; we get stressed out on lack of sleep, same with little ones. Even worst because they don’t know how to self regulate(being a toddler and autistic). Try to make your routine as easy as possible for both of you and rest, whenever is possible!, Please find time to disconnect even for an hour, for minutes from all of your responsibilities at work and at home. Whether it’s sitting in your car, investing in headphones so you can have a little break while home or to be able to leave for a walk if possible. Three was hard age for us but things have gotten so much better. All the work and exhaustion is paying off but not without hard impossible days but you got this. You aren’t super human so you need to take a break even a small one. For me it’s headphones, CBD and watching a tv show while he’s in aba while I fold laundry. Your brain and body cannot keep spinning 24 hours a day and while I know babysitters or Nannie’s aren’t possible for many of us for many various reasons taking a short break to even sit outside and play a game on your phone or scroll Pinterest, anything really does help. When my son wants to vocalize stim he can but then mom puts her earbuds in and catches up on a podcast. Sending you love! It does get better., I believe my daughter is a level 3 with some 2 traits. She is nonverbal, uses gestures, and points now. 4 and 5 were her worst ages. She would scratch and kick me when there was a break in routine. The one thing I recommend is developing a routine and sticking to it. Once I had her in school her behavior improved tremendously. We still have some issues but I was able to develop a routine for her and stick to it. My main thought is that it gets better. I remember struggling to want to get up but doing it for your child is necessary. You are their world., I just feel compelled to say that if you are not talking to a therapist regularly- it has changed and potentially saved my life, >She would be Screaming for hours at a time sometimes.
Yep this is a good place to park my opinion.
As many others here will and have already attested, 3-5 seems to be the absolute worst age. Ours peaked at 5 years old with screaming and SIB literally ALL WAKING HOURS. Your mental health suffers immensely.. We had to move to Colorado just to get access to ABA because we aged out in our state sitting on wait lists. She has grown significantly there in the past year and a half, but it also gave us an 8 hour break every day which that alone helps. Her ASL grew a lot there as there are several staff who studied it in college, and she has suddenly come to understand how AAC works there. So that communication component alone has reduced behaviors IMMENSELY.
She still engages in SIB and protesting, but its not even close to 1-2 years ago. Its more often she wants someone else to shut up right now. Her whole motive to be nice to her baby brother and her dog is to shut them up from screaming/barking., I'm trying to delegate because I only get like 10 hours a week to even work at best, but now don't even have enough time to simply oversee others doing my work., This was me today. Walks around the pond in the stroller , sometimes it’s his car with an ice coffee and I’m already feeling better, Joy in the small things especially podcasts have been a saving grace for me when I’m overwhelmed by this all too!, My daughter has night terrors and also is 3yo. How do you deal with the night terrors?, You are not alone either. Anytime you need to scream, or vent, or whatever, please feel free to dm me. My daughter is grown now, but those years 2-5 were the worst. It got better., Thanks for sharing ❤, Seconding this. I've not seen Love on the Spectrum but a bittersweet sitcom called There She Goes gave me some rueful laughs and comfort. It's almost like social stories for adults - it helps! , Would you mind telling me what kind of medication you’re giving him. I’m giving my son Guafacine and it’s no change in his behavior, Fantastic list, thank you 🙏, Damn, Autistic Twins!! you are definitely a super woman. You are very strong. It’s okay to feel the way you do. I can’t even imagine what you must deal with. Kuddos to you.
Hopefully life will get better and they will also be better❤️
Stay strong for them!, thank you for your mention of the melatonin and about the shutting off of the brain. this has helped me understand some of my son's behaviors a lot better and I intend to research more on these subjects. thank you!, Thank you for sharing. I hope you and your spouse get rest and time for self care., Yup. I’m I believe at the peak right now with my ASD lvl 3 son and he’s 5.5 yrs old. It doesn’t help that he’s built like Tarzan- seriously he’s so strong and twice the size of other kids his age. He looks like he plays football. I have another child who is 9, a girl, and she’s ASD lvl 1. She peaked at around 4 yrs old and I remember back then thinking “I cannot do this”. Age definitely helped with her and many cannot tell she has autism. My son is a totally different story as he is non verbal.
I’ve said it a million times on this sub but the only thing getting me through right now is HOPE. That’s all that got me through before. When I look back to when my daughter was 4 I thought there was no way she would ever be able to function in society and here we are today she has done a total 180.
I believe with my son I will need to look into medication bc although it hasn’t been diagnosed yet- I think he has some pretty bad adhd and that is inhibiting his learning with all his other therapies. I cannot have him in school right now bc where I live there are no special ed programs- zero- nothing. He does go to speech and OT and has 6 of those therapies a week that I take him to.
Op, I also have my own business and it’s been a HUGE struggle trying to do that along with all the therapies and then raising my other two children and all their school stuff, maintaining the house, etc. Some days are better than others but I am TIRED.
You are not alone!, Right? Often the little things can really help., Basically, by any means necessary. First thing I focus on is calming him down, so I go through my checklist of potential causes of him awakening (hungry, thirsty, diaper, etc.). Sometimes he just needs to be held. If none of those are an issue, I turn on the lights and put on his favorite cartoon, which usually works best. I let him calm for 15-20 minutes and thenI put him in the car and drive around the neighborhood until he falls back asleep (driving him in the car is my go-to when I need him to fall asleep in normal situations as well, something about the vibrations, I put on calming music, it just works for him).
I don't know if it's the most efficient system, or if it is applicable to your situation in any way, but I hope that helps. It has varying levels of success, some nights it works relatively quickly and I only lose an hour or so of sleep, some nights it takes much longer and I get him back to sleep but am unable to go back to sleep myself.
Best of luck to you and your daughter getting through the night terrors. My son is having them less frequently as he gets older, there's light at the end of the tunnel., I appreciate the thought. Usually if I do feel alone, I read some of the stories in this sub about what others are going through and it makes me feel a little better because I can not only feel like I'm not the only one dealing with this, but also maybe I see somewhere where I can pass along something that helps me to someone else and make their experience easier in some small way.
I've always been an optimist and am relentlessly positive. I had no idea how beneficial that skill was going to be until I became a dad of an ASD kid., We started with Resperidone and just recently added in Guafacine, I believe the guafacine is more for the ADHD side of things, where the resperidone is for his ASD.
The very first week on resperidone was a God send! Immediately noticed a mood change. Just had to dial in the dosage over a few months, My son takes a tiny dose of melatonin 4 hours before bed to help him produce his own melatonin. He takes only 0.1 mg whereas his pediatrician initially recommended taking 1-3mg before bedtime. I used to give him 0.5mg before bedtime, but he'd wake up groggy and irritable. This video had some information about low dose melatonin and the body clock: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mf3mhui8Bo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mf3mhui8Bo), Thank u. I get LOTS of rest because I have chronic pain & lay down every afternoon after lunch to read & watch AU tv on my laptop. It works for me., I'm also an optimistic person, counting blessings was always my go-to. Being part of this sub is so helpful., Did he get the side effect of gaining weight on resperidone?, I am glad you have time for yourself., No weight gain but he eats everything in sight now. He used to be very picky, Wow, the medication helped with his picky eating? My almost 6 year old is extremely skinny and has a very limited diet. It's very triggering for my husband along with the vocal stimming and obsession with screens/devices. I should discuss with our ped., 3yo age was the worst for us. ASD level 3
Tiny human. No biting but a lot of hitting, tantrums, breaking things, throwing things, etc. I honestly didn’t know how we would get past it. I cried thinking this was the rest of my life. She would be Screaming for hours at a time sometimes. No talking, no eye contact, refusing to eat most things, clobbering me with toys… I working full time, no family or support, barely sleeping or eating from the stress…
Then we got to 4 and it was like a calm came over my kiddo and although still at times chaotic and overly energetic… the hitting stopped. The throwing things stopped. Things very slowing began to improve… so all I can say is, I don’t know if it will get better for you but I am sending positive vibes into the universe for you and your little. And I hope you see improvement and progress. I know what that struggle looks like, and I feel for you. You are doing an amazing job! And must love your little so much that you are draining yourself to keep up 💛, I second 3 being the worst age for us so far (he’ll be 5 in 5 months). Parenting is hard as shit. I’ve always been overstimulated by noise, and even my son’s “happy noises” deeply overstimulate me. Hell, I’ve been lying in bed for 90 minutes licking my wounds after wrestling my 3 year old NT toddler to sleep.
Parenting never ends. We know we have to wake up in the morning and do it all again. Therapies help but it can take a really long time to see progress. My son has been in ABA, speech and OT for 2.5 years and I definitely see progress. By the time he goes to kindergarten he would have been in those therapies for 4 years.
I am the sole income for the household and I’m very ambitious professionally. I hire help to give me breaks. I’m on medication and so is my son. Every little bit helps. I’m using all the tools I can find. I empathize deeply with you. ♥️, Toddler years were brutal. There is an overwhelming probability that he’ll improve over time especially given that he’s already getting therapy. Progress can be slow and feels excruciating especially when no one is having much fun.
Try to find joy in small things. A podcast you like or maybe he likes to go for walks in a wagon or stroller. I used to like car rides becuase she was in her seat and I could listen to music and drink coffee and feel normal.
Just one day at a time. You’re doing great., Just want to say I'm literally in the same boat right now. My 3 year old ASD son had night terrors last night. I'm on about 2 hours sleep right now, had to keep him home from preschool which meant I had to stay home as well, and I have absolutely zero fucking energy but I also have to take care of my son, who despite having only slightly more sleep then I did, is completely full of energy and is showing no signs of slowing down.
You are not alone. I don't know if that helps you at all but it definitely helped me to read your post and see that I'm not the only sleep deprived half delirious parent of a child who can't control his own emotions, which means I have to often sacrifice myself to make sure he doesn't hurt himself.
I have no strength to go on, but somehow, I do anyway. Hang in there, and best of luck., My son is also level 3. Life is horrible at times. I feel you. Trust the process. He might get better with time. He needs you to be with him, to live with him.
Stay strong, write the little things that makes you feel joy, even if they are minimal.
Many people say “proud autistic mom/dad” and that “they wouldn’t change a thing” and we all know that is some BS! This is something i wouldn’t wish on anyone and definitely not the life i ever imagine to have when i thought of having a family of my own. But this is what life gave me and you. So we have to be there for them and guide them.
My biggest advice is to try and work your self, find something distracting to do, find a passion, find an activity that can help you bond with him… something to feel alive. To feel love for him. Because truly you are all he needs and depends on.
You sound like a very tired and overwhelmed dad. You need your time and space to feel better.
Im dealing with my own battles. But honestly Autism is such a huge spectrum that sadly what others do with their kiddos is a hit or miss. You just have to observe him and analyze the why of his behaviors and see if if communication, pain or overstimulation.
Hang in there, you are a great Dad!, So is there any possibility he’s constipated, my child bit(excessively) and we were able to figure out she was constipated despite having two bowel movements a day. We pulled her off milk and I’ve noticed a change. For the sleeplessness ask his doctor about starting a b12 in the morning and melatonin/magnesium citrate supplement in the evening about 30 minutes before bed. You’ve got this, if you’re looking for people in your local area reach out to Special Olympics, I promise you, you will find a wonderful support group., This probably sounds kinda dumb, but watching the show Love on the Spectrum on Netflix helped me out a lot during a low time after my daughter’s level 3 diagnosis. It helped a lot to see the autistic adults and their relationships with their families. It gave me something to hope for and made me think maybe we’ll be alright if other families like us have made it work., My 6 yo non verbal was the same way! Still is from time to time. We finally got his medication nailed down and it has made a world of difference. I feel like we got our child back. Medication might seem scary at first ( I felt the same way ) but it is the best thing ever for him!, My son is 3 and has just discovered anger. Several months ago he discovered sadness. I honestly can’t tell which was worse for my husband and I maybe anger bd im getting bitten or my hair pulled multiple times a day now.
My sweet little angel baby is temporarily out of commission so Idfk. I guess I’m just here to say solidarity. Sounds like it’s time to do something just for you. It won’t be a long term fix. But it’ll help I hope. Hang in there friend., Navigating the complexities and challenges of parenting a child with severe autism is undeniably tough, and it's clear you're doing an incredible job managing these challenges despite the immense pressure they place on you. Your dedication to your child's well-being, amidst managing a business and tackling sleepless nights, is truly admirable. Remember, it's okay to feel overwhelmed and seek support—you're not alone in this journey.
Here are a few suggestions and reminders that might offer some comfort and assistance:
1. **Connect with Community**: Engaging with forums, support groups, or local communities of parents in similar situations can provide invaluable emotional support and practical advice. Sharing experiences can help reduce feelings of isolation and provide new insights or strategies for managing challenging behaviors.
2. **Respite Care**: If possible, look into respite care services. Even a few hours a week can provide you with essential rest and time to recharge, which is vital for your well-being and, by extension, the well-being of your family.
3. **Celebrate Small Victories**: Progress in areas like eye contact is significant. Celebrating these milestones, no matter how small they seem, can help maintain a positive outlook and remind you of the progress being made over time.
4. **Seek Professional Support**: If you haven't already, consider talking to a mental health professional for yourself. It’s important to care for your own mental and emotional health. Therapists can offer strategies to manage stress and cope with the feelings of hopelessness and isolation.
5. **Explore Additional Therapies**: If certain therapies aren't yielding the desired outcomes, it might be helpful to explore other options. Every child is unique, and sometimes it takes a bit of trial and error to find the right combination of therapies that work.
6. **Focus on Self-Care**: It's often said, but easily overlooked—taking care of yourself is crucial. Simple activities like reading, taking short walks, or practicing mindfulness can make a significant difference in your overall well-being.
7. **Educational Resources and Assistance**: Look into educational resources and programs that might be available for your child. Early intervention programs, special education services, and behavioral therapies can offer support tailored to your child’s needs.
8. **Advocacy**: Become an advocate for your child’s needs in all settings. Understanding your rights and services available can be empowering and can open up additional support avenues.
Remember, it's okay to ask for help and take breaks. You're doing an extraordinary job under exceptionally challenging circumstances. Your strength and commitment to your child's growth and happiness are commendable. Keep reaching out, stay connected with those who understand, and never hesitate to seek the support you deserve., My son was just like yours. He is level 3 and non speaking and it is hard! It does get better though. My son is six years old now and he's much easier to take care of than when he was three. I'm not saying things are perfect and no longer hard, but age does make a big difference! This community understands and we're all here for you. Your life will improve, and so will your child's. Three is a very hard age even when the kid is neurotypical, hang in there! It does get better, things got a million times better after he started kindergarten., I have 6 yr old autistic twins and it really is so hard. My marriage is over, I initiated divorce a few weeks ago, but I'm sure the stress of the twins had a lot to do with its demise. I get so frustrated sometimes I just sit on the floor and cry and scream at the top of my lungs.
It took two years to potty train one twin and now I'm almost 8 months into training the other. The potty-trained twin had two back-to-back potty accidents (like poop all over the floor and wiped her butt with a couch pillow) this past weekend and I absolutely lost it. All the hard work and frustration seems never-ending.
I honestly hate my life most days, but I just get over it and find ways to distract myself from the misery. I listen to music or think about an upcoming vacation or start looking for my dream pieces of furniture and make a Pinterest board, or doom scroll on social media, get into specific genres of films, or whatever.
Just writing to say, I'm also not so happy about life right now., 2 and 3 are hell., you will get through it, but:
1) take turns getting good night sleep with your partner
2) get respite care, PCAs, friends, relatives — whatever — time when you can go somewhere else. often these are limited and kind of suck, but you need to be able to recharge.
3) talk to your primary care or paychiatrist and your child’s pediatrician or psychiatrist about meds that may help — either you or your child.
You can get through it, and it CAN improve. You’re at a hard juxtaposition of all things right now, but it will get better. slowly.
4) Get other help. finding good help that can directly help WITH your child is always hard. If you can’t find that, get other types of help — with laundry, house cleaning, etc..
Order groceries. Or meals. Use disposable plates. whatever you can do that lightens the load.
School is coming, and, while that will bring plenty of its own challenges, it will provide a lot of daily relief., Three is a terrible age, like most others have agreed.
Gentle advice: Focus on health and safety, but let the other stuff go. Eye contact isn't essential, and it may stress your child more- which in turn stresses *you* more. This also goes for things like eating at the table. Reject "therapy" that doesn't make sense for your child's developmental stage. He may need more time, or just have an alternate way of "being."
Sending support., So sorry to hear that 🙁💜🙏
Sounds like maybe you need a break/disengage some, I pretty much feel the same so i dont have great advice 💜, 3 is absolutely the hardest. My boy is level 3 nonverbal he’s 4.5 now thankfully. Honestly just take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. Remember it is okay to cry and you’re doing your best and that’s okay!, I’ve heard 3 years old is the worst for autistic kids. So maybe it’s all uphill from here!, I feel like this at least once a week 🥴 my two year old is level 3. What I have found to be most helpful is keeping the faith and knowing that things could be worse. I also pray daily and sometimes I feel like the higher power always seems to know when it's all too much for me because I'll get blessed with a small break out of nowhere. I also use a gratitude jar. It helps keep my grounded and lifts me up whenever I start to feel like it's all too much. Try to focus on the progress that has been made. Ask for help and don't be afraid to accept it when it's offered. I know it's tough. Hang in there mama 💓, I felt helpless when my son was 3, I wasn't sleeping more than 1-2 hours at a time and his aggression was really activating my PTSD. (3 has also been the hardest age for my neurotypical kids.) My mental health deteriorated and I had to take a medical leave of absence from work to attend intensive inpatient therapy shortly before he turned 4.
He's 5 now and has been in full-time ABA for a year. He does go through phases where there is more biting and scratching but we can communicate better. He's still nonverbal, but he is finally open to learning some signs and after getting an AAC device for him it became obvious he can already spell a ton of words! He is getting his needs met better. I know ABA and speech therapy have been a big part of his progress, but so has the passage of time.
3 year olds are experiencing molars (hence more biting), their brains are growing so rapidly that sensory issues are magnified, plus kids tend to have sleep issues when going through developmental leaps. It's even harder for ASD kids because their brains don't always shut off and their bodies aren't always producing melatonin at the right time/right amounts.
Your son may continue to struggle with communication and destructive behaviors, but I believe you're probably experiencing the very worst of it. If you need extra support, consider letting his ABA crew know how much you're struggling at home. My son's ABA therapist and case manager have recently started coming into our home twice per week for parent training., Can you get Respite? Can anyone else take him while you rest?, No advice just hoping for better days for you and kiddo 💙, 3 is the worst age? I was in medical school. My 16 year old daughter kicks me in the face, breaks my phone- I have no friends, no family wants anything to do with me or her, I sacrificed everything to raise her and my husband of 20 plus years always was working and it was always me raising her, my slightly more functional autistic son - I felt like a single parent but always knew he was working and there for me, especially when our oldest, died at 16. Now he admitted it’s been 20 years of lies and infidelity. I have nothing. I sacrificed everything for nothing. My birthday is March 27 and I just want it to END, Tired of being alive is a good way to put it. I remember telling hus I felt the kids sucked me dry. Both my kids are on a Spectrum & I'm sorry to tell you, it never got better for me. We are now 70 & 75 & he tells me he looks forward to dying. Having children was not a joyous experience for me. It was fraught with worry, shame, fear, despair.
Think my oldest is Asperger. He was on Ritalin. 'Didnt like it' so clinic said he didnt have to. Killed hamster, loner, drugs, shoplifting, now estranged from fam at almost 36. Never married, underachiever, emotionally stilted. Blames us.
Youngest is Bipolar, almost 33. Her oldest dau is Spectrum, 8. Smearing stool, no friends, wets bed, school struggles.
I feel like our fam has bad DNA. It's good my son had no children. He told me I shouldnt have had him because I'm Bipolar. My parents had things wrong with them (birth father sexual deviant, birth mother alcoholic & narcissistic) but my daughter threw a wrench in the DNA by marrying a low-IQ person & having Irish Twins with him. The 2-yr old has delayed speech. Not sure what's wrong with 1-yr old yet.
There are so many MH problems today; not enuf proper healthcare available. I hope the right help comes to you because from my Vantage Point the only advice is: Respite. I hope you can get time away for self-care ie massage, pedicure, walk in a tulip field, etc. Whatever will restore you & heal you til the next crisis.
I did not have that. We were estranged from my family & the kids grew up with just us two. No respite help except hus & he worked two jobs. Lots of mistakes, looking back. Like all parents say, we did our best., We started doing ABA along with developmental pre-school when my son was three, his attention got improved which improved his understanding. He will be 4 this June, there is a lot of improvement. I recommend the same., Taking a neurodiversity affirming approach has been the best thing for us. Your child does not need to make eye contact to learn or participate. I’m neurodivergent myself and making constant eye contact actually makes listening and learning more difficult. Embracing differences and moving forward with a different perspective and different approach can do wonders for some ND kids. ABA may be stressing your child out to where they are only able to display the behaviors you’re seeing when they’re with you at home. It often sounds like parents are describing how much they’re fighting against their child’s natural way of being and it’s actually making the behaviors worse. We embrace our daughter for exactly who she is and only focus on working through behaviors in a positive way that could affect others and we see improvements all the time. Sure, every kid is different, but I believe many parents are stressing themselves out more because they’re so busy trying to change who their child is and not giving them much of a chance to flourish despite their differences and hurdles. I’ve also realized that our daughter develops and progresses on her own timeline so we stopped pushing to reach “milestones” on a specific timeline and focus instead on building on her strengths and now she reaches them on her own timeline, just a little behind what’s “typical” for her age and is happy during the process. This approach has made her so much more receptive in those times where she does need to go outside her comfort zone and we know she feels she can trust us which makes a difference as well., This made me super sad to read, because my wife and I understand. It's very hard, but our kids need us. My son was really violent at three because he didn't understand much of what was going on around him and add to this equation that we couldn't understand his needs, he would lash out.
Things will get easier. Not because the challenges will go, because in all honesty that just change. This will get easier because you will be more able to bare that load. Christ gives us all a cross to bare and this is yours. The fact you are still going and still here is demonstrative of how strong you are. Our children were lucky to be born to us as parents, but more importantly we are blessed to have them as our kids.
For every rough time now, there are twice as many good times and we have the experience to change the surroundings to mitigate our sons upset and to regulate his sensory needs.
I'm praying to God for you. You've got this. Hang in there., Sometimes I just strap him into his car seat with a snack and drive around with a coffee for 20 months. It helps a little. But the number 1 thing that helps me is anti depressants.
I’m sure you have already tried so many things for the biting, but, just in case, have you tried buying a variety of chewies and keeping them on you and him 24/7? Try to stop the bite and give a chewie if you can, but if it’s too late, once he releases the bite say “no, bite this” and give a chewie?
I got bit twice, really bad a few weeks ago. They actually scarred., I also agree with the 3 yr old mark being hell! lol
The most challenging period either my son so far. If your son had a hard time sleeping, consider giving him melatonin. He needs to rest; we get stressed out on lack of sleep, same with little ones. Even worst because they don’t know how to self regulate(being a toddler and autistic). Try to make your routine as easy as possible for both of you and rest, whenever is possible!, Please find time to disconnect even for an hour, for minutes from all of your responsibilities at work and at home. Whether it’s sitting in your car, investing in headphones so you can have a little break while home or to be able to leave for a walk if possible. Three was hard age for us but things have gotten so much better. All the work and exhaustion is paying off but not without hard impossible days but you got this. You aren’t super human so you need to take a break even a small one. For me it’s headphones, CBD and watching a tv show while he’s in aba while I fold laundry. Your brain and body cannot keep spinning 24 hours a day and while I know babysitters or Nannie’s aren’t possible for many of us for many various reasons taking a short break to even sit outside and play a game on your phone or scroll Pinterest, anything really does help. When my son wants to vocalize stim he can but then mom puts her earbuds in and catches up on a podcast. Sending you love! It does get better., I believe my daughter is a level 3 with some 2 traits. She is nonverbal, uses gestures, and points now. 4 and 5 were her worst ages. She would scratch and kick me when there was a break in routine. The one thing I recommend is developing a routine and sticking to it. Once I had her in school her behavior improved tremendously. We still have some issues but I was able to develop a routine for her and stick to it. My main thought is that it gets better. I remember struggling to want to get up but doing it for your child is necessary. You are their world., I just feel compelled to say that if you are not talking to a therapist regularly- it has changed and potentially saved my life, >She would be Screaming for hours at a time sometimes.
Yep this is a good place to park my opinion.
As many others here will and have already attested, 3-5 seems to be the absolute worst age. Ours peaked at 5 years old with screaming and SIB literally ALL WAKING HOURS. Your mental health suffers immensely.. We had to move to Colorado just to get access to ABA because we aged out in our state sitting on wait lists. She has grown significantly there in the past year and a half, but it also gave us an 8 hour break every day which that alone helps. Her ASL grew a lot there as there are several staff who studied it in college, and she has suddenly come to understand how AAC works there. So that communication component alone has reduced behaviors IMMENSELY.
She still engages in SIB and protesting, but its not even close to 1-2 years ago. Its more often she wants someone else to shut up right now. Her whole motive to be nice to her baby brother and her dog is to shut them up from screaming/barking., I'm trying to delegate because I only get like 10 hours a week to even work at best, but now don't even have enough time to simply oversee others doing my work., This was me today. Walks around the pond in the stroller , sometimes it’s his car with an ice coffee and I’m already feeling better, Joy in the small things especially podcasts have been a saving grace for me when I’m overwhelmed by this all too!, My daughter has night terrors and also is 3yo. How do you deal with the night terrors?, You are not alone either. Anytime you need to scream, or vent, or whatever, please feel free to dm me. My daughter is grown now, but those years 2-5 were the worst. It got better., Thanks for sharing ❤, Seconding this. I've not seen Love on the Spectrum but a bittersweet sitcom called There She Goes gave me some rueful laughs and comfort. It's almost like social stories for adults - it helps! , Would you mind telling me what kind of medication you’re giving him. I’m giving my son Guafacine and it’s no change in his behavior, Fantastic list, thank you 🙏, Damn, Autistic Twins!! you are definitely a super woman. You are very strong. It’s okay to feel the way you do. I can’t even imagine what you must deal with. Kuddos to you.
Hopefully life will get better and they will also be better❤️
Stay strong for them!, thank you for your mention of the melatonin and about the shutting off of the brain. this has helped me understand some of my son's behaviors a lot better and I intend to research more on these subjects. thank you!, Thank you for sharing. I hope you and your spouse get rest and time for self care., Yup. I’m I believe at the peak right now with my ASD lvl 3 son and he’s 5.5 yrs old. It doesn’t help that he’s built like Tarzan- seriously he’s so strong and twice the size of other kids his age. He looks like he plays football. I have another child who is 9, a girl, and she’s ASD lvl 1. She peaked at around 4 yrs old and I remember back then thinking “I cannot do this”. Age definitely helped with her and many cannot tell she has autism. My son is a totally different story as he is non verbal.
I’ve said it a million times on this sub but the only thing getting me through right now is HOPE. That’s all that got me through before. When I look back to when my daughter was 4 I thought there was no way she would ever be able to function in society and here we are today she has done a total 180.
I believe with my son I will need to look into medication bc although it hasn’t been diagnosed yet- I think he has some pretty bad adhd and that is inhibiting his learning with all his other therapies. I cannot have him in school right now bc where I live there are no special ed programs- zero- nothing. He does go to speech and OT and has 6 of those therapies a week that I take him to.
Op, I also have my own business and it’s been a HUGE struggle trying to do that along with all the therapies and then raising my other two children and all their school stuff, maintaining the house, etc. Some days are better than others but I am TIRED.
You are not alone!, Right? Often the little things can really help., Basically, by any means necessary. First thing I focus on is calming him down, so I go through my checklist of potential causes of him awakening (hungry, thirsty, diaper, etc.). Sometimes he just needs to be held. If none of those are an issue, I turn on the lights and put on his favorite cartoon, which usually works best. I let him calm for 15-20 minutes and thenI put him in the car and drive around the neighborhood until he falls back asleep (driving him in the car is my go-to when I need him to fall asleep in normal situations as well, something about the vibrations, I put on calming music, it just works for him).
I don't know if it's the most efficient system, or if it is applicable to your situation in any way, but I hope that helps. It has varying levels of success, some nights it works relatively quickly and I only lose an hour or so of sleep, some nights it takes much longer and I get him back to sleep but am unable to go back to sleep myself.
Best of luck to you and your daughter getting through the night terrors. My son is having them less frequently as he gets older, there's light at the end of the tunnel., I appreciate the thought. Usually if I do feel alone, I read some of the stories in this sub about what others are going through and it makes me feel a little better because I can not only feel like I'm not the only one dealing with this, but also maybe I see somewhere where I can pass along something that helps me to someone else and make their experience easier in some small way.
I've always been an optimist and am relentlessly positive. I had no idea how beneficial that skill was going to be until I became a dad of an ASD kid., We started with Resperidone and just recently added in Guafacine, I believe the guafacine is more for the ADHD side of things, where the resperidone is for his ASD.
The very first week on resperidone was a God send! Immediately noticed a mood change. Just had to dial in the dosage over a few months, My son takes a tiny dose of melatonin 4 hours before bed to help him produce his own melatonin. He takes only 0.1 mg whereas his pediatrician initially recommended taking 1-3mg before bedtime. I used to give him 0.5mg before bedtime, but he'd wake up groggy and irritable. This video had some information about low dose melatonin and the body clock: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mf3mhui8Bo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mf3mhui8Bo), Thank u. I get LOTS of rest because I have chronic pain & lay down every afternoon after lunch to read & watch AU tv on my laptop. It works for me., I'm also an optimistic person, counting blessings was always my go-to. Being part of this sub is so helpful., Did he get the side effect of gaining weight on resperidone?, I am glad you have time for yourself., No weight gain but he eats everything in sight now. He used to be very picky, Wow, the medication helped with his picky eating? My almost 6 year old is extremely skinny and has a very limited diet. It's very triggering for my husband along with the vocal stimming and obsession with screens/devices. I should discuss with our ped., 3yo age was the worst for us. ASD level 3
Tiny human. No biting but a lot of hitting, tantrums, breaking things, throwing things, etc. I honestly didn’t know how we would get past it. I cried thinking this was the rest of my life. She would be Screaming for hours at a time sometimes. No talking, no eye contact, refusing to eat most things, clobbering me with toys… I working full time, no family or support, barely sleeping or eating from the stress…
Then we got to 4 and it was like a calm came over my kiddo and although still at times chaotic and overly energetic… the hitting stopped. The throwing things stopped. Things very slowing began to improve… so all I can say is, I don’t know if it will get better for you but I am sending positive vibes into the universe for you and your little. And I hope you see improvement and progress. I know what that struggle looks like, and I feel for you. You are doing an amazing job! And must love your little so much that you are draining yourself to keep up 💛, I second 3 being the worst age for us so far (he’ll be 5 in 5 months). Parenting is hard as shit. I’ve always been overstimulated by noise, and even my son’s “happy noises” deeply overstimulate me. Hell, I’ve been lying in bed for 90 minutes licking my wounds after wrestling my 3 year old NT toddler to sleep.
Parenting never ends. We know we have to wake up in the morning and do it all again. Therapies help but it can take a really long time to see progress. My son has been in ABA, speech and OT for 2.5 years and I definitely see progress. By the time he goes to kindergarten he would have been in those therapies for 4 years.
I am the sole income for the household and I’m very ambitious professionally. I hire help to give me breaks. I’m on medication and so is my son. Every little bit helps. I’m using all the tools I can find. I empathize deeply with you. ♥️, Toddler years were brutal. There is an overwhelming probability that he’ll improve over time especially given that he’s already getting therapy. Progress can be slow and feels excruciating especially when no one is having much fun.
Try to find joy in small things. A podcast you like or maybe he likes to go for walks in a wagon or stroller. I used to like car rides becuase she was in her seat and I could listen to music and drink coffee and feel normal.
Just one day at a time. You’re doing great., Just want to say I'm literally in the same boat right now. My 3 year old ASD son had night terrors last night. I'm on about 2 hours sleep right now, had to keep him home from preschool which meant I had to stay home as well, and I have absolutely zero fucking energy but I also have to take care of my son, who despite having only slightly more sleep then I did, is completely full of energy and is showing no signs of slowing down.
You are not alone. I don't know if that helps you at all but it definitely helped me to read your post and see that I'm not the only sleep deprived half delirious parent of a child who can't control his own emotions, which means I have to often sacrifice myself to make sure he doesn't hurt himself.
I have no strength to go on, but somehow, I do anyway. Hang in there, and best of luck., My son is also level 3. Life is horrible at times. I feel you. Trust the process. He might get better with time. He needs you to be with him, to live with him.
Stay strong, write the little things that makes you feel joy, even if they are minimal.
Many people say “proud autistic mom/dad” and that “they wouldn’t change a thing” and we all know that is some BS! This is something i wouldn’t wish on anyone and definitely not the life i ever imagine to have when i thought of having a family of my own. But this is what life gave me and you. So we have to be there for them and guide them.
My biggest advice is to try and work your self, find something distracting to do, find a passion, find an activity that can help you bond with him… something to feel alive. To feel love for him. Because truly you are all he needs and depends on.
You sound like a very tired and overwhelmed dad. You need your time and space to feel better.
Im dealing with my own battles. But honestly Autism is such a huge spectrum that sadly what others do with their kiddos is a hit or miss. You just have to observe him and analyze the why of his behaviors and see if if communication, pain or overstimulation.
Hang in there, you are a great Dad!, So is there any possibility he’s constipated, my child bit(excessively) and we were able to figure out she was constipated despite having two bowel movements a day. We pulled her off milk and I’ve noticed a change. For the sleeplessness ask his doctor about starting a b12 in the morning and melatonin/magnesium citrate supplement in the evening about 30 minutes before bed. You’ve got this, if you’re looking for people in your local area reach out to Special Olympics, I promise you, you will find a wonderful support group., This probably sounds kinda dumb, but watching the show Love on the Spectrum on Netflix helped me out a lot during a low time after my daughter’s level 3 diagnosis. It helped a lot to see the autistic adults and their relationships with their families. It gave me something to hope for and made me think maybe we’ll be alright if other families like us have made it work., My 6 yo non verbal was the same way! Still is from time to time. We finally got his medication nailed down and it has made a world of difference. I feel like we got our child back. Medication might seem scary at first ( I felt the same way ) but it is the best thing ever for him!, My son is 3 and has just discovered anger. Several months ago he discovered sadness. I honestly can’t tell which was worse for my husband and I maybe anger bd im getting bitten or my hair pulled multiple times a day now.
My sweet little angel baby is temporarily out of commission so Idfk. I guess I’m just here to say solidarity. Sounds like it’s time to do something just for you. It won’t be a long term fix. But it’ll help I hope. Hang in there friend., Navigating the complexities and challenges of parenting a child with severe autism is undeniably tough, and it's clear you're doing an incredible job managing these challenges despite the immense pressure they place on you. Your dedication to your child's well-being, amidst managing a business and tackling sleepless nights, is truly admirable. Remember, it's okay to feel overwhelmed and seek support—you're not alone in this journey.
Here are a few suggestions and reminders that might offer some comfort and assistance:
1. **Connect with Community**: Engaging with forums, support groups, or local communities of parents in similar situations can provide invaluable emotional support and practical advice. Sharing experiences can help reduce feelings of isolation and provide new insights or strategies for managing challenging behaviors.
2. **Respite Care**: If possible, look into respite care services. Even a few hours a week can provide you with essential rest and time to recharge, which is vital for your well-being and, by extension, the well-being of your family.
3. **Celebrate Small Victories**: Progress in areas like eye contact is significant. Celebrating these milestones, no matter how small they seem, can help maintain a positive outlook and remind you of the progress being made over time.
4. **Seek Professional Support**: If you haven't already, consider talking to a mental health professional for yourself. It’s important to care for your own mental and emotional health. Therapists can offer strategies to manage stress and cope with the feelings of hopelessness and isolation.
5. **Explore Additional Therapies**: If certain therapies aren't yielding the desired outcomes, it might be helpful to explore other options. Every child is unique, and sometimes it takes a bit of trial and error to find the right combination of therapies that work.
6. **Focus on Self-Care**: It's often said, but easily overlooked—taking care of yourself is crucial. Simple activities like reading, taking short walks, or practicing mindfulness can make a significant difference in your overall well-being.
7. **Educational Resources and Assistance**: Look into educational resources and programs that might be available for your child. Early intervention programs, special education services, and behavioral therapies can offer support tailored to your child’s needs.
8. **Advocacy**: Become an advocate for your child’s needs in all settings. Understanding your rights and services available can be empowering and can open up additional support avenues.
Remember, it's okay to ask for help and take breaks. You're doing an extraordinary job under exceptionally challenging circumstances. Your strength and commitment to your child's growth and happiness are commendable. Keep reaching out, stay connected with those who understand, and never hesitate to seek the support you deserve., My son was just like yours. He is level 3 and non speaking and it is hard! It does get better though. My son is six years old now and he's much easier to take care of than when he was three. I'm not saying things are perfect and no longer hard, but age does make a big difference! This community understands and we're all here for you. Your life will improve, and so will your child's. Three is a very hard age even when the kid is neurotypical, hang in there! It does get better, things got a million times better after he started kindergarten., I have 6 yr old autistic twins and it really is so hard. My marriage is over, I initiated divorce a few weeks ago, but I'm sure the stress of the twins had a lot to do with its demise. I get so frustrated sometimes I just sit on the floor and cry and scream at the top of my lungs.
It took two years to potty train one twin and now I'm almost 8 months into training the other. The potty-trained twin had two back-to-back potty accidents (like poop all over the floor and wiped her butt with a couch pillow) this past weekend and I absolutely lost it. All the hard work and frustration seems never-ending.
I honestly hate my life most days, but I just get over it and find ways to distract myself from the misery. I listen to music or think about an upcoming vacation or start looking for my dream pieces of furniture and make a Pinterest board, or doom scroll on social media, get into specific genres of films, or whatever.
Just writing to say, I'm also not so happy about life right now., 2 and 3 are hell., you will get through it, but:
1) take turns getting good night sleep with your partner
2) get respite care, PCAs, friends, relatives — whatever — time when you can go somewhere else. often these are limited and kind of suck, but you need to be able to recharge.
3) talk to your primary care or paychiatrist and your child’s pediatrician or psychiatrist about meds that may help — either you or your child.
You can get through it, and it CAN improve. You’re at a hard juxtaposition of all things right now, but it will get better. slowly.
4) Get other help. finding good help that can directly help WITH your child is always hard. If you can’t find that, get other types of help — with laundry, house cleaning, etc..
Order groceries. Or meals. Use disposable plates. whatever you can do that lightens the load.
School is coming, and, while that will bring plenty of its own challenges, it will provide a lot of daily relief., Three is a terrible age, like most others have agreed.
Gentle advice: Focus on health and safety, but let the other stuff go. Eye contact isn't essential, and it may stress your child more- which in turn stresses *you* more. This also goes for things like eating at the table. Reject "therapy" that doesn't make sense for your child's developmental stage. He may need more time, or just have an alternate way of "being."
Sending support., So sorry to hear that 🙁💜🙏
Sounds like maybe you need a break/disengage some, I pretty much feel the same so i dont have great advice 💜, 3 is absolutely the hardest. My boy is level 3 nonverbal he’s 4.5 now thankfully. Honestly just take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. Remember it is okay to cry and you’re doing your best and that’s okay!, I’ve heard 3 years old is the worst for autistic kids. So maybe it’s all uphill from here!, I feel like this at least once a week 🥴 my two year old is level 3. What I have found to be most helpful is keeping the faith and knowing that things could be worse. I also pray daily and sometimes I feel like the higher power always seems to know when it's all too much for me because I'll get blessed with a small break out of nowhere. I also use a gratitude jar. It helps keep my grounded and lifts me up whenever I start to feel like it's all too much. Try to focus on the progress that has been made. Ask for help and don't be afraid to accept it when it's offered. I know it's tough. Hang in there mama 💓, I felt helpless when my son was 3, I wasn't sleeping more than 1-2 hours at a time and his aggression was really activating my PTSD. (3 has also been the hardest age for my neurotypical kids.) My mental health deteriorated and I had to take a medical leave of absence from work to attend intensive inpatient therapy shortly before he turned 4.
He's 5 now and has been in full-time ABA for a year. He does go through phases where there is more biting and scratching but we can communicate better. He's still nonverbal, but he is finally open to learning some signs and after getting an AAC device for him it became obvious he can already spell a ton of words! He is getting his needs met better. I know ABA and speech therapy have been a big part of his progress, but so has the passage of time.
3 year olds are experiencing molars (hence more biting), their brains are growing so rapidly that sensory issues are magnified, plus kids tend to have sleep issues when going through developmental leaps. It's even harder for ASD kids because their brains don't always shut off and their bodies aren't always producing melatonin at the right time/right amounts.
Your son may continue to struggle with communication and destructive behaviors, but I believe you're probably experiencing the very worst of it. If you need extra support, consider letting his ABA crew know how much you're struggling at home. My son's ABA therapist and case manager have recently started coming into our home twice per week for parent training., Can you get Respite? Can anyone else take him while you rest?, No advice just hoping for better days for you and kiddo 💙, 3 is the worst age? I was in medical school. My 16 year old daughter kicks me in the face, breaks my phone- I have no friends, no family wants anything to do with me or her, I sacrificed everything to raise her and my husband of 20 plus years always was working and it was always me raising her, my slightly more functional autistic son - I felt like a single parent but always knew he was working and there for me, especially when our oldest, died at 16. Now he admitted it’s been 20 years of lies and infidelity. I have nothing. I sacrificed everything for nothing. My birthday is March 27 and I just want it to END, Tired of being alive is a good way to put it. I remember telling hus I felt the kids sucked me dry. Both my kids are on a Spectrum & I'm sorry to tell you, it never got better for me. We are now 70 & 75 & he tells me he looks forward to dying. Having children was not a joyous experience for me. It was fraught with worry, shame, fear, despair.
Think my oldest is Asperger. He was on Ritalin. 'Didnt like it' so clinic said he didnt have to. Killed hamster, loner, drugs, shoplifting, now estranged from fam at almost 36. Never married, underachiever, emotionally stilted. Blames us.
Youngest is Bipolar, almost 33. Her oldest dau is Spectrum, 8. Smearing stool, no friends, wets bed, school struggles.
I feel like our fam has bad DNA. It's good my son had no children. He told me I shouldnt have had him because I'm Bipolar. My parents had things wrong with them (birth father sexual deviant, birth mother alcoholic & narcissistic) but my daughter threw a wrench in the DNA by marrying a low-IQ person & having Irish Twins with him. The 2-yr old has delayed speech. Not sure what's wrong with 1-yr old yet.
There are so many MH problems today; not enuf proper healthcare available. I hope the right help comes to you because from my Vantage Point the only advice is: Respite. I hope you can get time away for self-care ie massage, pedicure, walk in a tulip field, etc. Whatever will restore you & heal you til the next crisis.
I did not have that. We were estranged from my family & the kids grew up with just us two. No respite help except hus & he worked two jobs. Lots of mistakes, looking back. Like all parents say, we did our best., We started doing ABA along with developmental pre-school when my son was three, his attention got improved which improved his understanding. He will be 4 this June, there is a lot of improvement. I recommend the same., Taking a neurodiversity affirming approach has been the best thing for us. Your child does not need to make eye contact to learn or participate. I’m neurodivergent myself and making constant eye contact actually makes listening and learning more difficult. Embracing differences and moving forward with a different perspective and different approach can do wonders for some ND kids. ABA may be stressing your child out to where they are only able to display the behaviors you’re seeing when they’re with you at home. It often sounds like parents are describing how much they’re fighting against their child’s natural way of being and it’s actually making the behaviors worse. We embrace our daughter for exactly who she is and only focus on working through behaviors in a positive way that could affect others and we see improvements all the time. Sure, every kid is different, but I believe many parents are stressing themselves out more because they’re so busy trying to change who their child is and not giving them much of a chance to flourish despite their differences and hurdles. I’ve also realized that our daughter develops and progresses on her own timeline so we stopped pushing to reach “milestones” on a specific timeline and focus instead on building on her strengths and now she reaches them on her own timeline, just a little behind what’s “typical” for her age and is happy during the process. This approach has made her so much more receptive in those times where she does need to go outside her comfort zone and we know she feels she can trust us which makes a difference as well., This made me super sad to read, because my wife and I understand. It's very hard, but our kids need us. My son was really violent at three because he didn't understand much of what was going on around him and add to this equation that we couldn't understand his needs, he would lash out.
Things will get easier. Not because the challenges will go, because in all honesty that just change. This will get easier because you will be more able to bare that load. Christ gives us all a cross to bare and this is yours. The fact you are still going and still here is demonstrative of how strong you are. Our children were lucky to be born to us as parents, but more importantly we are blessed to have them as our kids.
For every rough time now, there are twice as many good times and we have the experience to change the surroundings to mitigate our sons upset and to regulate his sensory needs.
I'm praying to God for you. You've got this. Hang in there., Sometimes I just strap him into his car seat with a snack and drive around with a coffee for 20 months. It helps a little. But the number 1 thing that helps me is anti depressants.
I’m sure you have already tried so many things for the biting, but, just in case, have you tried buying a variety of chewies and keeping them on you and him 24/7? Try to stop the bite and give a chewie if you can, but if it’s too late, once he releases the bite say “no, bite this” and give a chewie?
I got bit twice, really bad a few weeks ago. They actually scarred., I also agree with the 3 yr old mark being hell! lol
The most challenging period either my son so far. If your son had a hard time sleeping, consider giving him melatonin. He needs to rest; we get stressed out on lack of sleep, same with little ones. Even worst because they don’t know how to self regulate(being a toddler and autistic). Try to make your routine as easy as possible for both of you and rest, whenever is possible!, Please find time to disconnect even for an hour, for minutes from all of your responsibilities at work and at home. Whether it’s sitting in your car, investing in headphones so you can have a little break while home or to be able to leave for a walk if possible. Three was hard age for us but things have gotten so much better. All the work and exhaustion is paying off but not without hard impossible days but you got this. You aren’t super human so you need to take a break even a small one. For me it’s headphones, CBD and watching a tv show while he’s in aba while I fold laundry. Your brain and body cannot keep spinning 24 hours a day and while I know babysitters or Nannie’s aren’t possible for many of us for many various reasons taking a short break to even sit outside and play a game on your phone or scroll Pinterest, anything really does help. When my son wants to vocalize stim he can but then mom puts her earbuds in and catches up on a podcast. Sending you love! It does get better., I believe my daughter is a level 3 with some 2 traits. She is nonverbal, uses gestures, and points now. 4 and 5 were her worst ages. She would scratch and kick me when there was a break in routine. The one thing I recommend is developing a routine and sticking to it. Once I had her in school her behavior improved tremendously. We still have some issues but I was able to develop a routine for her and stick to it. My main thought is that it gets better. I remember struggling to want to get up but doing it for your child is necessary. You are their world., I just feel compelled to say that if you are not talking to a therapist regularly- it has changed and potentially saved my life, >She would be Screaming for hours at a time sometimes.
Yep this is a good place to park my opinion.
As many others here will and have already attested, 3-5 seems to be the absolute worst age. Ours peaked at 5 years old with screaming and SIB literally ALL WAKING HOURS. Your mental health suffers immensely.. We had to move to Colorado just to get access to ABA because we aged out in our state sitting on wait lists. She has grown significantly there in the past year and a half, but it also gave us an 8 hour break every day which that alone helps. Her ASL grew a lot there as there are several staff who studied it in college, and she has suddenly come to understand how AAC works there. So that communication component alone has reduced behaviors IMMENSELY.
She still engages in SIB and protesting, but its not even close to 1-2 years ago. Its more often she wants someone else to shut up right now. Her whole motive to be nice to her baby brother and her dog is to shut them up from screaming/barking., I'm trying to delegate because I only get like 10 hours a week to even work at best, but now don't even have enough time to simply oversee others doing my work., This was me today. Walks around the pond in the stroller , sometimes it’s his car with an ice coffee and I’m already feeling better, Joy in the small things especially podcasts have been a saving grace for me when I’m overwhelmed by this all too!, My daughter has night terrors and also is 3yo. How do you deal with the night terrors?, You are not alone either. Anytime you need to scream, or vent, or whatever, please feel free to dm me. My daughter is grown now, but those years 2-5 were the worst. It got better., Thanks for sharing ❤, Seconding this. I've not seen Love on the Spectrum but a bittersweet sitcom called There She Goes gave me some rueful laughs and comfort. It's almost like social stories for adults - it helps! , Would you mind telling me what kind of medication you’re giving him. I’m giving my son Guafacine and it’s no change in his behavior, Fantastic list, thank you 🙏, Damn, Autistic Twins!! you are definitely a super woman. You are very strong. It’s okay to feel the way you do. I can’t even imagine what you must deal with. Kuddos to you.
Hopefully life will get better and they will also be better❤️
Stay strong for them!, thank you for your mention of the melatonin and about the shutting off of the brain. this has helped me understand some of my son's behaviors a lot better and I intend to research more on these subjects. thank you!, Thank you for sharing. I hope you and your spouse get rest and time for self care., Yup. I’m I believe at the peak right now with my ASD lvl 3 son and he’s 5.5 yrs old. It doesn’t help that he’s built like Tarzan- seriously he’s so strong and twice the size of other kids his age. He looks like he plays football. I have another child who is 9, a girl, and she’s ASD lvl 1. She peaked at around 4 yrs old and I remember back then thinking “I cannot do this”. Age definitely helped with her and many cannot tell she has autism. My son is a totally different story as he is non verbal.
I’ve said it a million times on this sub but the only thing getting me through right now is HOPE. That’s all that got me through before. When I look back to when my daughter was 4 I thought there was no way she would ever be able to function in society and here we are today she has done a total 180.
I believe with my son I will need to look into medication bc although it hasn’t been diagnosed yet- I think he has some pretty bad adhd and that is inhibiting his learning with all his other therapies. I cannot have him in school right now bc where I live there are no special ed programs- zero- nothing. He does go to speech and OT and has 6 of those therapies a week that I take him to.
Op, I also have my own business and it’s been a HUGE struggle trying to do that along with all the therapies and then raising my other two children and all their school stuff, maintaining the house, etc. Some days are better than others but I am TIRED.
You are not alone!, Right? Often the little things can really help., Basically, by any means necessary. First thing I focus on is calming him down, so I go through my checklist of potential causes of him awakening (hungry, thirsty, diaper, etc.). Sometimes he just needs to be held. If none of those are an issue, I turn on the lights and put on his favorite cartoon, which usually works best. I let him calm for 15-20 minutes and thenI put him in the car and drive around the neighborhood until he falls back asleep (driving him in the car is my go-to when I need him to fall asleep in normal situations as well, something about the vibrations, I put on calming music, it just works for him).
I don't know if it's the most efficient system, or if it is applicable to your situation in any way, but I hope that helps. It has varying levels of success, some nights it works relatively quickly and I only lose an hour or so of sleep, some nights it takes much longer and I get him back to sleep but am unable to go back to sleep myself.
Best of luck to you and your daughter getting through the night terrors. My son is having them less frequently as he gets older, there's light at the end of the tunnel., I appreciate the thought. Usually if I do feel alone, I read some of the stories in this sub about what others are going through and it makes me feel a little better because I can not only feel like I'm not the only one dealing with this, but also maybe I see somewhere where I can pass along something that helps me to someone else and make their experience easier in some small way.
I've always been an optimist and am relentlessly positive. I had no idea how beneficial that skill was going to be until I became a dad of an ASD kid., We started with Resperidone and just recently added in Guafacine, I believe the guafacine is more for the ADHD side of things, where the resperidone is for his ASD.
The very first week on resperidone was a God send! Immediately noticed a mood change. Just had to dial in the dosage over a few months, My son takes a tiny dose of melatonin 4 hours before bed to help him produce his own melatonin. He takes only 0.1 mg whereas his pediatrician initially recommended taking 1-3mg before bedtime. I used to give him 0.5mg before bedtime, but he'd wake up groggy and irritable. This video had some information about low dose melatonin and the body clock: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mf3mhui8Bo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mf3mhui8Bo), Thank u. I get LOTS of rest because I have chronic pain & lay down every afternoon after lunch to read & watch AU tv on my laptop. It works for me., I'm also an optimistic person, counting blessings was always my go-to. Being part of this sub is so helpful., Did he get the side effect of gaining weight on resperidone?, I am glad you have time for yourself., No weight gain but he eats everything in sight now. He used to be very picky, Wow, the medication helped with his picky eating? My almost 6 year old is extremely skinny and has a very limited diet. It's very triggering for my husband along with the vocal stimming and obsession with screens/devices. I should discuss with our ped., 3yo age was the worst for us. ASD level 3
Tiny human. No biting but a lot of hitting, tantrums, breaking things, throwing things, etc. I honestly didn’t know how we would get past it. I cried thinking this was the rest of my life. She would be Screaming for hours at a time sometimes. No talking, no eye contact, refusing to eat most things, clobbering me with toys… I working full time, no family or support, barely sleeping or eating from the stress…
Then we got to 4 and it was like a calm came over my kiddo and although still at times chaotic and overly energetic… the hitting stopped. The throwing things stopped. Things very slowing began to improve… so all I can say is, I don’t know if it will get better for you but I am sending positive vibes into the universe for you and your little. And I hope you see improvement and progress. I know what that struggle looks like, and I feel for you. You are doing an amazing job! And must love your little so much that you are draining yourself to keep up 💛, I second 3 being the worst age for us so far (he’ll be 5 in 5 months). Parenting is hard as shit. I’ve always been overstimulated by noise, and even my son’s “happy noises” deeply overstimulate me. Hell, I’ve been lying in bed for 90 minutes licking my wounds after wrestling my 3 year old NT toddler to sleep.
Parenting never ends. We know we have to wake up in the morning and do it all again. Therapies help but it can take a really long time to see progress. My son has been in ABA, speech and OT for 2.5 years and I definitely see progress. By the time he goes to kindergarten he would have been in those therapies for 4 years.
I am the sole income for the household and I’m very ambitious professionally. I hire help to give me breaks. I’m on medication and so is my son. Every little bit helps. I’m using all the tools I can find. I empathize deeply with you. ♥️, Toddler years were brutal. There is an overwhelming probability that he’ll improve over time especially given that he’s already getting therapy. Progress can be slow and feels excruciating especially when no one is having much fun.
Try to find joy in small things. A podcast you like or maybe he likes to go for walks in a wagon or stroller. I used to like car rides becuase she was in her seat and I could listen to music and drink coffee and feel normal.
Just one day at a time. You’re doing great., Just want to say I'm literally in the same boat right now. My 3 year old ASD son had night terrors last night. I'm on about 2 hours sleep right now, had to keep him home from preschool which meant I had to stay home as well, and I have absolutely zero fucking energy but I also have to take care of my son, who despite having only slightly more sleep then I did, is completely full of energy and is showing no signs of slowing down.
You are not alone. I don't know if that helps you at all but it definitely helped me to read your post and see that I'm not the only sleep deprived half delirious parent of a child who can't control his own emotions, which means I have to often sacrifice myself to make sure he doesn't hurt himself.
I have no strength to go on, but somehow, I do anyway. Hang in there, and best of luck., My son is also level 3. Life is horrible at times. I feel you. Trust the process. He might get better with time. He needs you to be with him, to live with him.
Stay strong, write the little things that makes you feel joy, even if they are minimal.
Many people say “proud autistic mom/dad” and that “they wouldn’t change a thing” and we all know that is some BS! This is something i wouldn’t wish on anyone and definitely not the life i ever imagine to have when i thought of having a family of my own. But this is what life gave me and you. So we have to be there for them and guide them.
My biggest advice is to try and work your self, find something distracting to do, find a passion, find an activity that can help you bond with him… something to feel alive. To feel love for him. Because truly you are all he needs and depends on.
You sound like a very tired and overwhelmed dad. You need your time and space to feel better.
Im dealing with my own battles. But honestly Autism is such a huge spectrum that sadly what others do with their kiddos is a hit or miss. You just have to observe him and analyze the why of his behaviors and see if if communication, pain or overstimulation.
Hang in there, you are a great Dad!, So is there any possibility he’s constipated, my child bit(excessively) and we were able to figure out she was constipated despite having two bowel movements a day. We pulled her off milk and I’ve noticed a change. For the sleeplessness ask his doctor about starting a b12 in the morning and melatonin/magnesium citrate supplement in the evening about 30 minutes before bed. You’ve got this, if you’re looking for people in your local area reach out to Special Olympics, I promise you, you will find a wonderful support group., This probably sounds kinda dumb, but watching the show Love on the Spectrum on Netflix helped me out a lot during a low time after my daughter’s level 3 diagnosis. It helped a lot to see the autistic adults and their relationships with their families. It gave me something to hope for and made me think maybe we’ll be alright if other families like us have made it work., My 6 yo non verbal was the same way! Still is from time to time. We finally got his medication nailed down and it has made a world of difference. I feel like we got our child back. Medication might seem scary at first ( I felt the same way ) but it is the best thing ever for him!, My son is 3 and has just discovered anger. Several months ago he discovered sadness. I honestly can’t tell which was worse for my husband and I maybe anger bd im getting bitten or my hair pulled multiple times a day now.
My sweet little angel baby is temporarily out of commission so Idfk. I guess I’m just here to say solidarity. Sounds like it’s time to do something just for you. It won’t be a long term fix. But it’ll help I hope. Hang in there friend., Navigating the complexities and challenges of parenting a child with severe autism is undeniably tough, and it's clear you're doing an incredible job managing these challenges despite the immense pressure they place on you. Your dedication to your child's well-being, amidst managing a business and tackling sleepless nights, is truly admirable. Remember, it's okay to feel overwhelmed and seek support—you're not alone in this journey.
Here are a few suggestions and reminders that might offer some comfort and assistance:
1. **Connect with Community**: Engaging with forums, support groups, or local communities of parents in similar situations can provide invaluable emotional support and practical advice. Sharing experiences can help reduce feelings of isolation and provide new insights or strategies for managing challenging behaviors.
2. **Respite Care**: If possible, look into respite care services. Even a few hours a week can provide you with essential rest and time to recharge, which is vital for your well-being and, by extension, the well-being of your family.
3. **Celebrate Small Victories**: Progress in areas like eye contact is significant. Celebrating these milestones, no matter how small they seem, can help maintain a positive outlook and remind you of the progress being made over time.
4. **Seek Professional Support**: If you haven't already, consider talking to a mental health professional for yourself. It’s important to care for your own mental and emotional health. Therapists can offer strategies to manage stress and cope with the feelings of hopelessness and isolation.
5. **Explore Additional Therapies**: If certain therapies aren't yielding the desired outcomes, it might be helpful to explore other options. Every child is unique, and sometimes it takes a bit of trial and error to find the right combination of therapies that work.
6. **Focus on Self-Care**: It's often said, but easily overlooked—taking care of yourself is crucial. Simple activities like reading, taking short walks, or practicing mindfulness can make a significant difference in your overall well-being.
7. **Educational Resources and Assistance**: Look into educational resources and programs that might be available for your child. Early intervention programs, special education services, and behavioral therapies can offer support tailored to your child’s needs.
8. **Advocacy**: Become an advocate for your child’s needs in all settings. Understanding your rights and services available can be empowering and can open up additional support avenues.
Remember, it's okay to ask for help and take breaks. You're doing an extraordinary job under exceptionally challenging circumstances. Your strength and commitment to your child's growth and happiness are commendable. Keep reaching out, stay connected with those who understand, and never hesitate to seek the support you deserve., My son was just like yours. He is level 3 and non speaking and it is hard! It does get better though. My son is six years old now and he's much easier to take care of than when he was three. I'm not saying things are perfect and no longer hard, but age does make a big difference! This community understands and we're all here for you. Your life will improve, and so will your child's. Three is a very hard age even when the kid is neurotypical, hang in there! It does get better, things got a million times better after he started kindergarten., I have 6 yr old autistic twins and it really is so hard. My marriage is over, I initiated divorce a few weeks ago, but I'm sure the stress of the twins had a lot to do with its demise. I get so frustrated sometimes I just sit on the floor and cry and scream at the top of my lungs.
It took two years to potty train one twin and now I'm almost 8 months into training the other. The potty-trained twin had two back-to-back potty accidents (like poop all over the floor and wiped her butt with a couch pillow) this past weekend and I absolutely lost it. All the hard work and frustration seems never-ending.
I honestly hate my life most days, but I just get over it and find ways to distract myself from the misery. I listen to music or think about an upcoming vacation or start looking for my dream pieces of furniture and make a Pinterest board, or doom scroll on social media, get into specific genres of films, or whatever.
Just writing to say, I'm also not so happy about life right now., 2 and 3 are hell., you will get through it, but:
1) take turns getting good night sleep with your partner
2) get respite care, PCAs, friends, relatives — whatever — time when you can go somewhere else. often these are limited and kind of suck, but you need to be able to recharge.
3) talk to your primary care or paychiatrist and your child’s pediatrician or psychiatrist about meds that may help — either you or your child.
You can get through it, and it CAN improve. You’re at a hard juxtaposition of all things right now, but it will get better. slowly.
4) Get other help. finding good help that can directly help WITH your child is always hard. If you can’t find that, get other types of help — with laundry, house cleaning, etc..
Order groceries. Or meals. Use disposable plates. whatever you can do that lightens the load.
School is coming, and, while that will bring plenty of its own challenges, it will provide a lot of daily relief., Three is a terrible age, like most others have agreed.
Gentle advice: Focus on health and safety, but let the other stuff go. Eye contact isn't essential, and it may stress your child more- which in turn stresses *you* more. This also goes for things like eating at the table. Reject "therapy" that doesn't make sense for your child's developmental stage. He may need more time, or just have an alternate way of "being."
Sending support., So sorry to hear that 🙁💜🙏
Sounds like maybe you need a break/disengage some, I pretty much feel the same so i dont have great advice 💜, 3 is absolutely the hardest. My boy is level 3 nonverbal he’s 4.5 now thankfully. Honestly just take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. Remember it is okay to cry and you’re doing your best and that’s okay!, I’ve heard 3 years old is the worst for autistic kids. So maybe it’s all uphill from here!, I feel like this at least once a week 🥴 my two year old is level 3. What I have found to be most helpful is keeping the faith and knowing that things could be worse. I also pray daily and sometimes I feel like the higher power always seems to know when it's all too much for me because I'll get blessed with a small break out of nowhere. I also use a gratitude jar. It helps keep my grounded and lifts me up whenever I start to feel like it's all too much. Try to focus on the progress that has been made. Ask for help and don't be afraid to accept it when it's offered. I know it's tough. Hang in there mama 💓, I felt helpless when my son was 3, I wasn't sleeping more than 1-2 hours at a time and his aggression was really activating my PTSD. (3 has also been the hardest age for my neurotypical kids.) My mental health deteriorated and I had to take a medical leave of absence from work to attend intensive inpatient therapy shortly before he turned 4.
He's 5 now and has been in full-time ABA for a year. He does go through phases where there is more biting and scratching but we can communicate better. He's still nonverbal, but he is finally open to learning some signs and after getting an AAC device for him it became obvious he can already spell a ton of words! He is getting his needs met better. I know ABA and speech therapy have been a big part of his progress, but so has the passage of time.
3 year olds are experiencing molars (hence more biting), their brains are growing so rapidly that sensory issues are magnified, plus kids tend to have sleep issues when going through developmental leaps. It's even harder for ASD kids because their brains don't always shut off and their bodies aren't always producing melatonin at the right time/right amounts.
Your son may continue to struggle with communication and destructive behaviors, but I believe you're probably experiencing the very worst of it. If you need extra support, consider letting his ABA crew know how much you're struggling at home. My son's ABA therapist and case manager have recently started coming into our home twice per week for parent training., Can you get Respite? Can anyone else take him while you rest?, No advice just hoping for better days for you and kiddo 💙, 3 is the worst age? I was in medical school. My 16 year old daughter kicks me in the face, breaks my phone- I have no friends, no family wants anything to do with me or her, I sacrificed everything to raise her and my husband of 20 plus years always was working and it was always me raising her, my slightly more functional autistic son - I felt like a single parent but always knew he was working and there for me, especially when our oldest, died at 16. Now he admitted it’s been 20 years of lies and infidelity. I have nothing. I sacrificed everything for nothing. My birthday is March 27 and I just want it to END, Tired of being alive is a good way to put it. I remember telling hus I felt the kids sucked me dry. Both my kids are on a Spectrum & I'm sorry to tell you, it never got better for me. We are now 70 & 75 & he tells me he looks forward to dying. Having children was not a joyous experience for me. It was fraught with worry, shame, fear, despair.
Think my oldest is Asperger. He was on Ritalin. 'Didnt like it' so clinic said he didnt have to. Killed hamster, loner, drugs, shoplifting, now estranged from fam at almost 36. Never married, underachiever, emotionally stilted. Blames us.
Youngest is Bipolar, almost 33. Her oldest dau is Spectrum, 8. Smearing stool, no friends, wets bed, school struggles.
I feel like our fam has bad DNA. It's good my son had no children. He told me I shouldnt have had him because I'm Bipolar. My parents had things wrong with them (birth father sexual deviant, birth mother alcoholic & narcissistic) but my daughter threw a wrench in the DNA by marrying a low-IQ person & having Irish Twins with him. The 2-yr old has delayed speech. Not sure what's wrong with 1-yr old yet.
There are so many MH problems today; not enuf proper healthcare available. I hope the right help comes to you because from my Vantage Point the only advice is: Respite. I hope you can get time away for self-care ie massage, pedicure, walk in a tulip field, etc. Whatever will restore you & heal you til the next crisis.
I did not have that. We were estranged from my family & the kids grew up with just us two. No respite help except hus & he worked two jobs. Lots of mistakes, looking back. Like all parents say, we did our best., We started doing ABA along with developmental pre-school when my son was three, his attention got improved which improved his understanding. He will be 4 this June, there is a lot of improvement. I recommend the same., Taking a neurodiversity affirming approach has been the best thing for us. Your child does not need to make eye contact to learn or participate. I’m neurodivergent myself and making constant eye contact actually makes listening and learning more difficult. Embracing differences and moving forward with a different perspective and different approach can do wonders for some ND kids. ABA may be stressing your child out to where they are only able to display the behaviors you’re seeing when they’re with you at home. It often sounds like parents are describing how much they’re fighting against their child’s natural way of being and it’s actually making the behaviors worse. We embrace our daughter for exactly who she is and only focus on working through behaviors in a positive way that could affect others and we see improvements all the time. Sure, every kid is different, but I believe many parents are stressing themselves out more because they’re so busy trying to change who their child is and not giving them much of a chance to flourish despite their differences and hurdles. I’ve also realized that our daughter develops and progresses on her own timeline so we stopped pushing to reach “milestones” on a specific timeline and focus instead on building on her strengths and now she reaches them on her own timeline, just a little behind what’s “typical” for her age and is happy during the process. This approach has made her so much more receptive in those times where she does need to go outside her comfort zone and we know she feels she can trust us which makes a difference as well., This made me super sad to read, because my wife and I understand. It's very hard, but our kids need us. My son was really violent at three because he didn't understand much of what was going on around him and add to this equation that we couldn't understand his needs, he would lash out.
Things will get easier. Not because the challenges will go, because in all honesty that just change. This will get easier because you will be more able to bare that load. Christ gives us all a cross to bare and this is yours. The fact you are still going and still here is demonstrative of how strong you are. Our children were lucky to be born to us as parents, but more importantly we are blessed to have them as our kids.
For every rough time now, there are twice as many good times and we have the experience to change the surroundings to mitigate our sons upset and to regulate his sensory needs.
I'm praying to God for you. You've got this. Hang in there., Sometimes I just strap him into his car seat with a snack and drive around with a coffee for 20 months. It helps a little. But the number 1 thing that helps me is anti depressants.
I’m sure you have already tried so many things for the biting, but, just in case, have you tried buying a variety of chewies and keeping them on you and him 24/7? Try to stop the bite and give a chewie if you can, but if it’s too late, once he releases the bite say “no, bite this” and give a chewie?
I got bit twice, really bad a few weeks ago. They actually scarred., I also agree with the 3 yr old mark being hell! lol
The most challenging period either my son so far. If your son had a hard time sleeping, consider giving him melatonin. He needs to rest; we get stressed out on lack of sleep, same with little ones. Even worst because they don’t know how to self regulate(being a toddler and autistic). Try to make your routine as easy as possible for both of you and rest, whenever is possible!, Please find time to disconnect even for an hour, for minutes from all of your responsibilities at work and at home. Whether it’s sitting in your car, investing in headphones so you can have a little break while home or to be able to leave for a walk if possible. Three was hard age for us but things have gotten so much better. All the work and exhaustion is paying off but not without hard impossible days but you got this. You aren’t super human so you need to take a break even a small one. For me it’s headphones, CBD and watching a tv show while he’s in aba while I fold laundry. Your brain and body cannot keep spinning 24 hours a day and while I know babysitters or Nannie’s aren’t possible for many of us for many various reasons taking a short break to even sit outside and play a game on your phone or scroll Pinterest, anything really does help. When my son wants to vocalize stim he can but then mom puts her earbuds in and catches up on a podcast. Sending you love! It does get better., I believe my daughter is a level 3 with some 2 traits. She is nonverbal, uses gestures, and points now. 4 and 5 were her worst ages. She would scratch and kick me when there was a break in routine. The one thing I recommend is developing a routine and sticking to it. Once I had her in school her behavior improved tremendously. We still have some issues but I was able to develop a routine for her and stick to it. My main thought is that it gets better. I remember struggling to want to get up but doing it for your child is necessary. You are their world., I just feel compelled to say that if you are not talking to a therapist regularly- it has changed and potentially saved my life, >She would be Screaming for hours at a time sometimes.
Yep this is a good place to park my opinion.
As many others here will and have already attested, 3-5 seems to be the absolute worst age. Ours peaked at 5 years old with screaming and SIB literally ALL WAKING HOURS. Your mental health suffers immensely.. We had to move to Colorado just to get access to ABA because we aged out in our state sitting on wait lists. She has grown significantly there in the past year and a half, but it also gave us an 8 hour break every day which that alone helps. Her ASL grew a lot there as there are several staff who studied it in college, and she has suddenly come to understand how AAC works there. So that communication component alone has reduced behaviors IMMENSELY.
She still engages in SIB and protesting, but its not even close to 1-2 years ago. Its more often she wants someone else to shut up right now. Her whole motive to be nice to her baby brother and her dog is to shut them up from screaming/barking., I'm trying to delegate because I only get like 10 hours a week to even work at best, but now don't even have enough time to simply oversee others doing my work., This was me today. Walks around the pond in the stroller , sometimes it’s his car with an ice coffee and I’m already feeling better, Joy in the small things especially podcasts have been a saving grace for me when I’m overwhelmed by this all too!, My daughter has night terrors and also is 3yo. How do you deal with the night terrors?, You are not alone either. Anytime you need to scream, or vent, or whatever, please feel free to dm me. My daughter is grown now, but those years 2-5 were the worst. It got better., Thanks for sharing ❤, Seconding this. I've not seen Love on the Spectrum but a bittersweet sitcom called There She Goes gave me some rueful laughs and comfort. It's almost like social stories for adults - it helps! , Would you mind telling me what kind of medication you’re giving him. I’m giving my son Guafacine and it’s no change in his behavior, Fantastic list, thank you 🙏, Damn, Autistic Twins!! you are definitely a super woman. You are very strong. It’s okay to feel the way you do. I can’t even imagine what you must deal with. Kuddos to you.
Hopefully life will get better and they will also be better❤️
Stay strong for them!, thank you for your mention of the melatonin and about the shutting off of the brain. this has helped me understand some of my son's behaviors a lot better and I intend to research more on these subjects. thank you!, Thank you for sharing. I hope you and your spouse get rest and time for self care., Yup. I’m I believe at the peak right now with my ASD lvl 3 son and he’s 5.5 yrs old. It doesn’t help that he’s built like Tarzan- seriously he’s so strong and twice the size of other kids his age. He looks like he plays football. I have another child who is 9, a girl, and she’s ASD lvl 1. She peaked at around 4 yrs old and I remember back then thinking “I cannot do this”. Age definitely helped with her and many cannot tell she has autism. My son is a totally different story as he is non verbal.
I’ve said it a million times on this sub but the only thing getting me through right now is HOPE. That’s all that got me through before. When I look back to when my daughter was 4 I thought there was no way she would ever be able to function in society and here we are today she has done a total 180.
I believe with my son I will need to look into medication bc although it hasn’t been diagnosed yet- I think he has some pretty bad adhd and that is inhibiting his learning with all his other therapies. I cannot have him in school right now bc where I live there are no special ed programs- zero- nothing. He does go to speech and OT and has 6 of those therapies a week that I take him to.
Op, I also have my own business and it’s been a HUGE struggle trying to do that along with all the therapies and then raising my other two children and all their school stuff, maintaining the house, etc. Some days are better than others but I am TIRED.
You are not alone!, Right? Often the little things can really help., Basically, by any means necessary. First thing I focus on is calming him down, so I go through my checklist of potential causes of him awakening (hungry, thirsty, diaper, etc.). Sometimes he just needs to be held. If none of those are an issue, I turn on the lights and put on his favorite cartoon, which usually works best. I let him calm for 15-20 minutes and thenI put him in the car and drive around the neighborhood until he falls back asleep (driving him in the car is my go-to when I need him to fall asleep in normal situations as well, something about the vibrations, I put on calming music, it just works for him).
I don't know if it's the most efficient system, or if it is applicable to your situation in any way, but I hope that helps. It has varying levels of success, some nights it works relatively quickly and I only lose an hour or so of sleep, some nights it takes much longer and I get him back to sleep but am unable to go back to sleep myself.
Best of luck to you and your daughter getting through the night terrors. My son is having them less frequently as he gets older, there's light at the end of the tunnel., I appreciate the thought. Usually if I do feel alone, I read some of the stories in this sub about what others are going through and it makes me feel a little better because I can not only feel like I'm not the only one dealing with this, but also maybe I see somewhere where I can pass along something that helps me to someone else and make their experience easier in some small way.
I've always been an optimist and am relentlessly positive. I had no idea how beneficial that skill was going to be until I became a dad of an ASD kid., We started with Resperidone and just recently added in Guafacine, I believe the guafacine is more for the ADHD side of things, where the resperidone is for his ASD.
The very first week on resperidone was a God send! Immediately noticed a mood change. Just had to dial in the dosage over a few months, My son takes a tiny dose of melatonin 4 hours before bed to help him produce his own melatonin. He takes only 0.1 mg whereas his pediatrician initially recommended taking 1-3mg before bedtime. I used to give him 0.5mg before bedtime, but he'd wake up groggy and irritable. This video had some information about low dose melatonin and the body clock: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mf3mhui8Bo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mf3mhui8Bo), Thank u. I get LOTS of rest because I have chronic pain & lay down every afternoon after lunch to read & watch AU tv on my laptop. It works for me., I'm also an optimistic person, counting blessings was always my go-to. Being part of this sub is so helpful., Did he get the side effect of gaining weight on resperidone?, I am glad you have time for yourself., No weight gain but he eats everything in sight now. He used to be very picky, Wow, the medication helped with his picky eating? My almost 6 year old is extremely skinny and has a very limited diet. It's very triggering for my husband along with the vocal stimming and obsession with screens/devices. I should discuss with our ped.
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Tablet recommendations?
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Please no hate. My son is slowing getting better at communicating using a tablet but the one I have is wonky sometimes please leave some recommendations for good talking tablets and covers for them. Again if you don’t use them great but no need to shame me for using one. Thanks in advance!
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I don’t use ours for communication but it’s my tool to get a little peace in the chaos. No judgement here. I have an Amazon fire tablet. You can’t get as many mainstream apps but I think that’s been fine. I liked it bc it’s cheap. We have gone through 2 before we learned about those liquid screen protectors, Trust me, we get it lol no hate. I use an Amazon fire tablet., This is literally the last place on the internet you would be shamed for getting your child a tablet to communicate. You're doing great!!, We also don’t use AAC but I bought a certified refurbed iPad mini on Amazon for my son and it’s less than half the price of a new one. 2 years and counting, We use an iPad for an AAC - and use the Otterbox as a cover. It’s been great!!, Some AAC apps aren’t available for every OS so I would take that into consideration when selecting hardware. Proloquo2go is what we use and it isn’t available via Google Play as far as I have heard.
We’ve been using iPads for about 15 years. Refurbished with a cover that fully encases the device is what I’d recommend.
Congratulations on the progress and keep at it!, Search Amazon for android tablets 10”
Find one that has padded kid case with handle (that serves as a stand)
My threshold is $150, but have purchased $110ish
Fire tablets are wonky in my experience, amazon fire tablet!! i personally have never seen tablet/tv shaming on this sub, you’re good ☺️, We have a Samsung tablet from Walmart I think it was $200 for games and stuff, and an iPad for communication., We just have an old iPad that my husband put a huge rubbery case on so it won’t get hurt when it’s inevitably dropped haha, I feel like my kid does better with phones than a tablet size device. I've gone through a whole succession of Android phones with him. The current winner is a pixel 6 with the Google brand case, it went out the car window at 35 mph, didn't make it into the grass and survived, We have an IPad with TDsnap on it. Your insurance may even pay for it if you have a speech therapist and a diagnosis. Ours paid for the iPad, software, and a super sturdy case.
Edited to add:
I see other parents recommending a fire tablet. If it's just for fun, yes, a fire tablet is great. But if it is for communication, your options for aac apps will be way more limited., We use a new iPad for communication and a very old iPad mini for entertainment. And btw I think this is the one place on the internet where you won’t get hate for giving your kid a tablet…we all get it., Grab a refurb or sale iPad. The apps available, and the parental and access controls on Apple are pretty nice. I personally didn’t love using a fire tablet. It was sluggish enough to cause frustration., We love our amazon fire tablet! I like all the parental controls.
Also, you aren't going to get any hate for that. This corner of the internet is very kind and understanding., IPad mini, new or used.
There are a lot of fun apps for speech. And games.
While I prefer Samsung or Android stuff for the expandable memory, the iPad has been way more consistent and less boggy and less bloat wear.
We have fire tablet, Samsung and a iPad mini. Ipad also charges faster. , We use an IPad for our AAC device. He is not allowed to do anything on it besides speak., If you get the Amazon Fire Kids, they have a 2 year worry free warranty. We've gone through 4 replacements because one of my kids lives to put tablets in water and throw them from heights. They are replaced for free. If you wait, they go on sale around the $60 mark., We have an iPad for him when we need him to sit quietly for something.
We’re also getting an iPad through the state for his AAC as we were told it’s best to have a separate device for play v communication.
Idk what state you’re in (if you’re in the US) but you should look in to seeing if something could get one covered if your intention is to use it as a speech aid.
All the best of luck (and definitely no judgement), So, in the schools, we use the Proloquo2Go app on their iPads. I’m not sure if it’s available on android too. I do know the app is expensive though, however, some insurance plans & Medicaid will cover some of the cost., I would stay away from Samsung tablets.
Their screens can’t be replaced.
An Apple iPad, the screen can be replaced.
Keep that in mind., What age? Your schools SLP should be able to provide a tablet with the appropriate program to you, Following because I would like to get one for my son as well., I had the Amazon tablets for my kids but found them kinda awful to navigate as a parent. I switched both kiddos to iPads (older models) and use cases, and neither iPad has broken (at 2.5 years now… knock on wood). Here is the link to [case](https://www.amazon.com/ProCase-Apple-Devices-2021-2020-2019-Generation/dp/B07Y1NKT2S/ref=mp_s_a_1_7?crid=2CVQR9S131X80&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.3zF6fTf5GeDmmVnheqZLx5xGAdn6UEZePlfP-45SmX_8z8ZnvMZoOCw0WWnNPqTIXL26AeKJeR0p2FmPr20k-itp8ZCkQeqkF5A5avwn0o_1RMrED8vqmWhGA08NmmttaWXg4O9ynzE4jSRy_AjtNpiLlDabzaJxA6NJdzKD9r6RHKkYTYWJtG7uT2sQWe95kIS8FMh-9JRDX-al_k3rFg.D0ys2BYAGaGqMHYbZme1GBWYH1-7KH7Aaretb8CXKUc&dib_tag=se&keywords=kids+ipad+covers&qid=1711469103&sprefix=kids+ipad+covers%2Caps%2C153&sr=8-7), We got our kiddo an iPad with apple care, Apple care has been a life saver as we've had to exchange it multiple times from her breaking it. I know the kids Fire Tablet has a pretty good warranty as well but I thought they were a little too slow for her liking., My son has an Amazon fire tablet, an iPad I bought refurbished from eBay, another iPad that was his brothers, and an AAC device (also an iPad) that is just used for communication. I don’t want all that smoke from him if he’s without a tablet. Also he likes to take my phone, he knows where “his” apps are. Actually considering getting him his own phone so he’s got the same thing I do. There’s a blogger I follow and she gave her son an iPhone and he’s non speaking but he texts her words and pictures and YouTube videos he likes. That’s communication, and I would LOVE to get a text from my son. I’d be so happy., Context first, family of 7, all autistic, 4 under 8 years and non verbal, maybe approaching level 2, and all abusive of tech (throwing and stepping on mostly).
We've had 4 Kids Kindle HDs (with the big, bright covers) for up to 3 years now and all still work, not sure what you mean by talking tablets but pretty sure Alexa's a thing on them.
Disclaimer: hate Amazon as a company but they've become somewhat of a necessity for this entirely ND household unfortunately., We have an iPad and a backup Lenovo tab Daughter has been using these since she was 3. Kindle fire used to make her mad because of the lagging. A sturdy cover has helped no end., If anyone shames you. They can go F themselves. My son has a tablet. We use to help him communicate. While he still is in speech at school and privately. Some individuals on the spectrum talk later. Some unfortunately never do. You do whats best for you and your child. We have an AAC device as well as an IPad with Otterbox. My only advice limit screen time right from the start. They can quickly become hooked on videos such ASMR, kinetic sands etc. It will be much easier to limit screen time right from the start then try and cut back later., We use Amazon Fire Tablets for entertainment and game playing and we have an older iPad model for communication because our son's AAC program isn't available on Android. The iPad is strictly used for AAC (the program gets locked).
Make sure that the cases have a foam-like case and aren't flush with the screen. As long as the kid isn't actively jumping on the tablet, ours has survived multiple throws (both accidental and purposeful)., We have and Ipad provided by our son's school locked down to a single profile he uses as his "talker". He has a case that has handles on each side, top, and a strap to hang around his neck.
He uses Fire Tablets every day for activities - games, YouTube, taking pictures and video, etc., Amazon fire kids tablet with the subscription for apps. 100% no question.
It is fully locked down, has content constantly added that requires no intervention from the adult, all the apps don’t have add on content that the kids will constantly ask for, has robust online cloud control for screen time, you can add other apps that are not part of the subscription, is cheap, has a 2 year warranty, comes with a case.
I could go on but it’s just far superior to the iPads for little kids. My kids outgrew theirs at around 11 but the iPads that replaced the Fire has been far more work for me. The Fire is completely self contained and requires nothing from me. I set the time it’s allowed, set the age range for apps, and my 3 yo can navigate it himself with no help. He downloads new apps and it’s just been great. He’s found every number and letters game available to him.
I recommend the 10” model with more ram and storage. It fills up with apps very quickly and the extra ram is useful. I got the 3 yo level 1 the 8” model and while it’s okay for maybe another year, the performance sucks and it’s frustrating.
If you have questions about it later let me know. I do some IT and I’ve had the things for almost a decade. I think I’ve had every model now., Thank you!, Right? Isn't this sub amazing?, Thanks !!, Otterboxes are great. I've used them on my own phones for years without complaint., Came here to say this. There are more communication apps available on iOS, though the number available for Android is growing., Thanks! I was in a Facebook group for moms and got called all kinds of names so I’m a little scared, They make a Kids Fire Pro now, and my NT 10 year old son and my ASD 8 year old have one each. Still the same warranty, but it allows the kids to ask for new downloads, and I can approve or decline them from my own phone.
The only time I get on their tablets is to remove all of the games the ASD kiddo puts on hers. Just the ones she hasn't used in a while, and only because she ran out of space., I don’t use ours for communication but it’s my tool to get a little peace in the chaos. No judgement here. I have an Amazon fire tablet. You can’t get as many mainstream apps but I think that’s been fine. I liked it bc it’s cheap. We have gone through 2 before we learned about those liquid screen protectors, Trust me, we get it lol no hate. I use an Amazon fire tablet., This is literally the last place on the internet you would be shamed for getting your child a tablet to communicate. You're doing great!!, We also don’t use AAC but I bought a certified refurbed iPad mini on Amazon for my son and it’s less than half the price of a new one. 2 years and counting, We use an iPad for an AAC - and use the Otterbox as a cover. It’s been great!!, Some AAC apps aren’t available for every OS so I would take that into consideration when selecting hardware. Proloquo2go is what we use and it isn’t available via Google Play as far as I have heard.
We’ve been using iPads for about 15 years. Refurbished with a cover that fully encases the device is what I’d recommend.
Congratulations on the progress and keep at it!, Search Amazon for android tablets 10”
Find one that has padded kid case with handle (that serves as a stand)
My threshold is $150, but have purchased $110ish
Fire tablets are wonky in my experience, amazon fire tablet!! i personally have never seen tablet/tv shaming on this sub, you’re good ☺️, We have a Samsung tablet from Walmart I think it was $200 for games and stuff, and an iPad for communication., We just have an old iPad that my husband put a huge rubbery case on so it won’t get hurt when it’s inevitably dropped haha, I feel like my kid does better with phones than a tablet size device. I've gone through a whole succession of Android phones with him. The current winner is a pixel 6 with the Google brand case, it went out the car window at 35 mph, didn't make it into the grass and survived, We have an IPad with TDsnap on it. Your insurance may even pay for it if you have a speech therapist and a diagnosis. Ours paid for the iPad, software, and a super sturdy case.
Edited to add:
I see other parents recommending a fire tablet. If it's just for fun, yes, a fire tablet is great. But if it is for communication, your options for aac apps will be way more limited., We use a new iPad for communication and a very old iPad mini for entertainment. And btw I think this is the one place on the internet where you won’t get hate for giving your kid a tablet…we all get it., Grab a refurb or sale iPad. The apps available, and the parental and access controls on Apple are pretty nice. I personally didn’t love using a fire tablet. It was sluggish enough to cause frustration., We love our amazon fire tablet! I like all the parental controls.
Also, you aren't going to get any hate for that. This corner of the internet is very kind and understanding., IPad mini, new or used.
There are a lot of fun apps for speech. And games.
While I prefer Samsung or Android stuff for the expandable memory, the iPad has been way more consistent and less boggy and less bloat wear.
We have fire tablet, Samsung and a iPad mini. Ipad also charges faster. , We use an IPad for our AAC device. He is not allowed to do anything on it besides speak., If you get the Amazon Fire Kids, they have a 2 year worry free warranty. We've gone through 4 replacements because one of my kids lives to put tablets in water and throw them from heights. They are replaced for free. If you wait, they go on sale around the $60 mark., We have an iPad for him when we need him to sit quietly for something.
We’re also getting an iPad through the state for his AAC as we were told it’s best to have a separate device for play v communication.
Idk what state you’re in (if you’re in the US) but you should look in to seeing if something could get one covered if your intention is to use it as a speech aid.
All the best of luck (and definitely no judgement), So, in the schools, we use the Proloquo2Go app on their iPads. I’m not sure if it’s available on android too. I do know the app is expensive though, however, some insurance plans & Medicaid will cover some of the cost., I would stay away from Samsung tablets.
Their screens can’t be replaced.
An Apple iPad, the screen can be replaced.
Keep that in mind., What age? Your schools SLP should be able to provide a tablet with the appropriate program to you, Following because I would like to get one for my son as well., I had the Amazon tablets for my kids but found them kinda awful to navigate as a parent. I switched both kiddos to iPads (older models) and use cases, and neither iPad has broken (at 2.5 years now… knock on wood). Here is the link to [case](https://www.amazon.com/ProCase-Apple-Devices-2021-2020-2019-Generation/dp/B07Y1NKT2S/ref=mp_s_a_1_7?crid=2CVQR9S131X80&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.3zF6fTf5GeDmmVnheqZLx5xGAdn6UEZePlfP-45SmX_8z8ZnvMZoOCw0WWnNPqTIXL26AeKJeR0p2FmPr20k-itp8ZCkQeqkF5A5avwn0o_1RMrED8vqmWhGA08NmmttaWXg4O9ynzE4jSRy_AjtNpiLlDabzaJxA6NJdzKD9r6RHKkYTYWJtG7uT2sQWe95kIS8FMh-9JRDX-al_k3rFg.D0ys2BYAGaGqMHYbZme1GBWYH1-7KH7Aaretb8CXKUc&dib_tag=se&keywords=kids+ipad+covers&qid=1711469103&sprefix=kids+ipad+covers%2Caps%2C153&sr=8-7), We got our kiddo an iPad with apple care, Apple care has been a life saver as we've had to exchange it multiple times from her breaking it. I know the kids Fire Tablet has a pretty good warranty as well but I thought they were a little too slow for her liking., My son has an Amazon fire tablet, an iPad I bought refurbished from eBay, another iPad that was his brothers, and an AAC device (also an iPad) that is just used for communication. I don’t want all that smoke from him if he’s without a tablet. Also he likes to take my phone, he knows where “his” apps are. Actually considering getting him his own phone so he’s got the same thing I do. There’s a blogger I follow and she gave her son an iPhone and he’s non speaking but he texts her words and pictures and YouTube videos he likes. That’s communication, and I would LOVE to get a text from my son. I’d be so happy., Context first, family of 7, all autistic, 4 under 8 years and non verbal, maybe approaching level 2, and all abusive of tech (throwing and stepping on mostly).
We've had 4 Kids Kindle HDs (with the big, bright covers) for up to 3 years now and all still work, not sure what you mean by talking tablets but pretty sure Alexa's a thing on them.
Disclaimer: hate Amazon as a company but they've become somewhat of a necessity for this entirely ND household unfortunately., We have an iPad and a backup Lenovo tab Daughter has been using these since she was 3. Kindle fire used to make her mad because of the lagging. A sturdy cover has helped no end., If anyone shames you. They can go F themselves. My son has a tablet. We use to help him communicate. While he still is in speech at school and privately. Some individuals on the spectrum talk later. Some unfortunately never do. You do whats best for you and your child. We have an AAC device as well as an IPad with Otterbox. My only advice limit screen time right from the start. They can quickly become hooked on videos such ASMR, kinetic sands etc. It will be much easier to limit screen time right from the start then try and cut back later., We use Amazon Fire Tablets for entertainment and game playing and we have an older iPad model for communication because our son's AAC program isn't available on Android. The iPad is strictly used for AAC (the program gets locked).
Make sure that the cases have a foam-like case and aren't flush with the screen. As long as the kid isn't actively jumping on the tablet, ours has survived multiple throws (both accidental and purposeful)., We have and Ipad provided by our son's school locked down to a single profile he uses as his "talker". He has a case that has handles on each side, top, and a strap to hang around his neck.
He uses Fire Tablets every day for activities - games, YouTube, taking pictures and video, etc., Amazon fire kids tablet with the subscription for apps. 100% no question.
It is fully locked down, has content constantly added that requires no intervention from the adult, all the apps don’t have add on content that the kids will constantly ask for, has robust online cloud control for screen time, you can add other apps that are not part of the subscription, is cheap, has a 2 year warranty, comes with a case.
I could go on but it’s just far superior to the iPads for little kids. My kids outgrew theirs at around 11 but the iPads that replaced the Fire has been far more work for me. The Fire is completely self contained and requires nothing from me. I set the time it’s allowed, set the age range for apps, and my 3 yo can navigate it himself with no help. He downloads new apps and it’s just been great. He’s found every number and letters game available to him.
I recommend the 10” model with more ram and storage. It fills up with apps very quickly and the extra ram is useful. I got the 3 yo level 1 the 8” model and while it’s okay for maybe another year, the performance sucks and it’s frustrating.
If you have questions about it later let me know. I do some IT and I’ve had the things for almost a decade. I think I’ve had every model now., Thank you!, Right? Isn't this sub amazing?, Thanks !!, Otterboxes are great. I've used them on my own phones for years without complaint., Came here to say this. There are more communication apps available on iOS, though the number available for Android is growing., Thanks! I was in a Facebook group for moms and got called all kinds of names so I’m a little scared, They make a Kids Fire Pro now, and my NT 10 year old son and my ASD 8 year old have one each. Still the same warranty, but it allows the kids to ask for new downloads, and I can approve or decline them from my own phone.
The only time I get on their tablets is to remove all of the games the ASD kiddo puts on hers. Just the ones she hasn't used in a while, and only because she ran out of space., I don’t use ours for communication but it’s my tool to get a little peace in the chaos. No judgement here. I have an Amazon fire tablet. You can’t get as many mainstream apps but I think that’s been fine. I liked it bc it’s cheap. We have gone through 2 before we learned about those liquid screen protectors, Trust me, we get it lol no hate. I use an Amazon fire tablet., This is literally the last place on the internet you would be shamed for getting your child a tablet to communicate. You're doing great!!, We also don’t use AAC but I bought a certified refurbed iPad mini on Amazon for my son and it’s less than half the price of a new one. 2 years and counting, We use an iPad for an AAC - and use the Otterbox as a cover. It’s been great!!, Some AAC apps aren’t available for every OS so I would take that into consideration when selecting hardware. Proloquo2go is what we use and it isn’t available via Google Play as far as I have heard.
We’ve been using iPads for about 15 years. Refurbished with a cover that fully encases the device is what I’d recommend.
Congratulations on the progress and keep at it!, Search Amazon for android tablets 10”
Find one that has padded kid case with handle (that serves as a stand)
My threshold is $150, but have purchased $110ish
Fire tablets are wonky in my experience, amazon fire tablet!! i personally have never seen tablet/tv shaming on this sub, you’re good ☺️, We have a Samsung tablet from Walmart I think it was $200 for games and stuff, and an iPad for communication., We just have an old iPad that my husband put a huge rubbery case on so it won’t get hurt when it’s inevitably dropped haha, I feel like my kid does better with phones than a tablet size device. I've gone through a whole succession of Android phones with him. The current winner is a pixel 6 with the Google brand case, it went out the car window at 35 mph, didn't make it into the grass and survived, We have an IPad with TDsnap on it. Your insurance may even pay for it if you have a speech therapist and a diagnosis. Ours paid for the iPad, software, and a super sturdy case.
Edited to add:
I see other parents recommending a fire tablet. If it's just for fun, yes, a fire tablet is great. But if it is for communication, your options for aac apps will be way more limited., We use a new iPad for communication and a very old iPad mini for entertainment. And btw I think this is the one place on the internet where you won’t get hate for giving your kid a tablet…we all get it., Grab a refurb or sale iPad. The apps available, and the parental and access controls on Apple are pretty nice. I personally didn’t love using a fire tablet. It was sluggish enough to cause frustration., We love our amazon fire tablet! I like all the parental controls.
Also, you aren't going to get any hate for that. This corner of the internet is very kind and understanding., IPad mini, new or used.
There are a lot of fun apps for speech. And games.
While I prefer Samsung or Android stuff for the expandable memory, the iPad has been way more consistent and less boggy and less bloat wear.
We have fire tablet, Samsung and a iPad mini. Ipad also charges faster. , We use an IPad for our AAC device. He is not allowed to do anything on it besides speak., If you get the Amazon Fire Kids, they have a 2 year worry free warranty. We've gone through 4 replacements because one of my kids lives to put tablets in water and throw them from heights. They are replaced for free. If you wait, they go on sale around the $60 mark., We have an iPad for him when we need him to sit quietly for something.
We’re also getting an iPad through the state for his AAC as we were told it’s best to have a separate device for play v communication.
Idk what state you’re in (if you’re in the US) but you should look in to seeing if something could get one covered if your intention is to use it as a speech aid.
All the best of luck (and definitely no judgement), So, in the schools, we use the Proloquo2Go app on their iPads. I’m not sure if it’s available on android too. I do know the app is expensive though, however, some insurance plans & Medicaid will cover some of the cost., I would stay away from Samsung tablets.
Their screens can’t be replaced.
An Apple iPad, the screen can be replaced.
Keep that in mind., What age? Your schools SLP should be able to provide a tablet with the appropriate program to you, Following because I would like to get one for my son as well., I had the Amazon tablets for my kids but found them kinda awful to navigate as a parent. I switched both kiddos to iPads (older models) and use cases, and neither iPad has broken (at 2.5 years now… knock on wood). Here is the link to [case](https://www.amazon.com/ProCase-Apple-Devices-2021-2020-2019-Generation/dp/B07Y1NKT2S/ref=mp_s_a_1_7?crid=2CVQR9S131X80&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.3zF6fTf5GeDmmVnheqZLx5xGAdn6UEZePlfP-45SmX_8z8ZnvMZoOCw0WWnNPqTIXL26AeKJeR0p2FmPr20k-itp8ZCkQeqkF5A5avwn0o_1RMrED8vqmWhGA08NmmttaWXg4O9ynzE4jSRy_AjtNpiLlDabzaJxA6NJdzKD9r6RHKkYTYWJtG7uT2sQWe95kIS8FMh-9JRDX-al_k3rFg.D0ys2BYAGaGqMHYbZme1GBWYH1-7KH7Aaretb8CXKUc&dib_tag=se&keywords=kids+ipad+covers&qid=1711469103&sprefix=kids+ipad+covers%2Caps%2C153&sr=8-7), We got our kiddo an iPad with apple care, Apple care has been a life saver as we've had to exchange it multiple times from her breaking it. I know the kids Fire Tablet has a pretty good warranty as well but I thought they were a little too slow for her liking., My son has an Amazon fire tablet, an iPad I bought refurbished from eBay, another iPad that was his brothers, and an AAC device (also an iPad) that is just used for communication. I don’t want all that smoke from him if he’s without a tablet. Also he likes to take my phone, he knows where “his” apps are. Actually considering getting him his own phone so he’s got the same thing I do. There’s a blogger I follow and she gave her son an iPhone and he’s non speaking but he texts her words and pictures and YouTube videos he likes. That’s communication, and I would LOVE to get a text from my son. I’d be so happy., Context first, family of 7, all autistic, 4 under 8 years and non verbal, maybe approaching level 2, and all abusive of tech (throwing and stepping on mostly).
We've had 4 Kids Kindle HDs (with the big, bright covers) for up to 3 years now and all still work, not sure what you mean by talking tablets but pretty sure Alexa's a thing on them.
Disclaimer: hate Amazon as a company but they've become somewhat of a necessity for this entirely ND household unfortunately., We have an iPad and a backup Lenovo tab Daughter has been using these since she was 3. Kindle fire used to make her mad because of the lagging. A sturdy cover has helped no end., If anyone shames you. They can go F themselves. My son has a tablet. We use to help him communicate. While he still is in speech at school and privately. Some individuals on the spectrum talk later. Some unfortunately never do. You do whats best for you and your child. We have an AAC device as well as an IPad with Otterbox. My only advice limit screen time right from the start. They can quickly become hooked on videos such ASMR, kinetic sands etc. It will be much easier to limit screen time right from the start then try and cut back later., We use Amazon Fire Tablets for entertainment and game playing and we have an older iPad model for communication because our son's AAC program isn't available on Android. The iPad is strictly used for AAC (the program gets locked).
Make sure that the cases have a foam-like case and aren't flush with the screen. As long as the kid isn't actively jumping on the tablet, ours has survived multiple throws (both accidental and purposeful)., We have and Ipad provided by our son's school locked down to a single profile he uses as his "talker". He has a case that has handles on each side, top, and a strap to hang around his neck.
He uses Fire Tablets every day for activities - games, YouTube, taking pictures and video, etc., Amazon fire kids tablet with the subscription for apps. 100% no question.
It is fully locked down, has content constantly added that requires no intervention from the adult, all the apps don’t have add on content that the kids will constantly ask for, has robust online cloud control for screen time, you can add other apps that are not part of the subscription, is cheap, has a 2 year warranty, comes with a case.
I could go on but it’s just far superior to the iPads for little kids. My kids outgrew theirs at around 11 but the iPads that replaced the Fire has been far more work for me. The Fire is completely self contained and requires nothing from me. I set the time it’s allowed, set the age range for apps, and my 3 yo can navigate it himself with no help. He downloads new apps and it’s just been great. He’s found every number and letters game available to him.
I recommend the 10” model with more ram and storage. It fills up with apps very quickly and the extra ram is useful. I got the 3 yo level 1 the 8” model and while it’s okay for maybe another year, the performance sucks and it’s frustrating.
If you have questions about it later let me know. I do some IT and I’ve had the things for almost a decade. I think I’ve had every model now., Thank you!, Right? Isn't this sub amazing?, Thanks !!, Otterboxes are great. I've used them on my own phones for years without complaint., Came here to say this. There are more communication apps available on iOS, though the number available for Android is growing., Thanks! I was in a Facebook group for moms and got called all kinds of names so I’m a little scared, They make a Kids Fire Pro now, and my NT 10 year old son and my ASD 8 year old have one each. Still the same warranty, but it allows the kids to ask for new downloads, and I can approve or decline them from my own phone.
The only time I get on their tablets is to remove all of the games the ASD kiddo puts on hers. Just the ones she hasn't used in a while, and only because she ran out of space., I don’t use ours for communication but it’s my tool to get a little peace in the chaos. No judgement here. I have an Amazon fire tablet. You can’t get as many mainstream apps but I think that’s been fine. I liked it bc it’s cheap. We have gone through 2 before we learned about those liquid screen protectors, Trust me, we get it lol no hate. I use an Amazon fire tablet., This is literally the last place on the internet you would be shamed for getting your child a tablet to communicate. You're doing great!!, We also don’t use AAC but I bought a certified refurbed iPad mini on Amazon for my son and it’s less than half the price of a new one. 2 years and counting, We use an iPad for an AAC - and use the Otterbox as a cover. It’s been great!!, Some AAC apps aren’t available for every OS so I would take that into consideration when selecting hardware. Proloquo2go is what we use and it isn’t available via Google Play as far as I have heard.
We’ve been using iPads for about 15 years. Refurbished with a cover that fully encases the device is what I’d recommend.
Congratulations on the progress and keep at it!, Search Amazon for android tablets 10”
Find one that has padded kid case with handle (that serves as a stand)
My threshold is $150, but have purchased $110ish
Fire tablets are wonky in my experience, amazon fire tablet!! i personally have never seen tablet/tv shaming on this sub, you’re good ☺️, We have a Samsung tablet from Walmart I think it was $200 for games and stuff, and an iPad for communication., We just have an old iPad that my husband put a huge rubbery case on so it won’t get hurt when it’s inevitably dropped haha, I feel like my kid does better with phones than a tablet size device. I've gone through a whole succession of Android phones with him. The current winner is a pixel 6 with the Google brand case, it went out the car window at 35 mph, didn't make it into the grass and survived, We have an IPad with TDsnap on it. Your insurance may even pay for it if you have a speech therapist and a diagnosis. Ours paid for the iPad, software, and a super sturdy case.
Edited to add:
I see other parents recommending a fire tablet. If it's just for fun, yes, a fire tablet is great. But if it is for communication, your options for aac apps will be way more limited., We use a new iPad for communication and a very old iPad mini for entertainment. And btw I think this is the one place on the internet where you won’t get hate for giving your kid a tablet…we all get it., Grab a refurb or sale iPad. The apps available, and the parental and access controls on Apple are pretty nice. I personally didn’t love using a fire tablet. It was sluggish enough to cause frustration., We love our amazon fire tablet! I like all the parental controls.
Also, you aren't going to get any hate for that. This corner of the internet is very kind and understanding., IPad mini, new or used.
There are a lot of fun apps for speech. And games.
While I prefer Samsung or Android stuff for the expandable memory, the iPad has been way more consistent and less boggy and less bloat wear.
We have fire tablet, Samsung and a iPad mini. Ipad also charges faster. , We use an IPad for our AAC device. He is not allowed to do anything on it besides speak., If you get the Amazon Fire Kids, they have a 2 year worry free warranty. We've gone through 4 replacements because one of my kids lives to put tablets in water and throw them from heights. They are replaced for free. If you wait, they go on sale around the $60 mark., We have an iPad for him when we need him to sit quietly for something.
We’re also getting an iPad through the state for his AAC as we were told it’s best to have a separate device for play v communication.
Idk what state you’re in (if you’re in the US) but you should look in to seeing if something could get one covered if your intention is to use it as a speech aid.
All the best of luck (and definitely no judgement), So, in the schools, we use the Proloquo2Go app on their iPads. I’m not sure if it’s available on android too. I do know the app is expensive though, however, some insurance plans & Medicaid will cover some of the cost., I would stay away from Samsung tablets.
Their screens can’t be replaced.
An Apple iPad, the screen can be replaced.
Keep that in mind., What age? Your schools SLP should be able to provide a tablet with the appropriate program to you, Following because I would like to get one for my son as well., I had the Amazon tablets for my kids but found them kinda awful to navigate as a parent. I switched both kiddos to iPads (older models) and use cases, and neither iPad has broken (at 2.5 years now… knock on wood). Here is the link to [case](https://www.amazon.com/ProCase-Apple-Devices-2021-2020-2019-Generation/dp/B07Y1NKT2S/ref=mp_s_a_1_7?crid=2CVQR9S131X80&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.3zF6fTf5GeDmmVnheqZLx5xGAdn6UEZePlfP-45SmX_8z8ZnvMZoOCw0WWnNPqTIXL26AeKJeR0p2FmPr20k-itp8ZCkQeqkF5A5avwn0o_1RMrED8vqmWhGA08NmmttaWXg4O9ynzE4jSRy_AjtNpiLlDabzaJxA6NJdzKD9r6RHKkYTYWJtG7uT2sQWe95kIS8FMh-9JRDX-al_k3rFg.D0ys2BYAGaGqMHYbZme1GBWYH1-7KH7Aaretb8CXKUc&dib_tag=se&keywords=kids+ipad+covers&qid=1711469103&sprefix=kids+ipad+covers%2Caps%2C153&sr=8-7), We got our kiddo an iPad with apple care, Apple care has been a life saver as we've had to exchange it multiple times from her breaking it. I know the kids Fire Tablet has a pretty good warranty as well but I thought they were a little too slow for her liking., My son has an Amazon fire tablet, an iPad I bought refurbished from eBay, another iPad that was his brothers, and an AAC device (also an iPad) that is just used for communication. I don’t want all that smoke from him if he’s without a tablet. Also he likes to take my phone, he knows where “his” apps are. Actually considering getting him his own phone so he’s got the same thing I do. There’s a blogger I follow and she gave her son an iPhone and he’s non speaking but he texts her words and pictures and YouTube videos he likes. That’s communication, and I would LOVE to get a text from my son. I’d be so happy., Context first, family of 7, all autistic, 4 under 8 years and non verbal, maybe approaching level 2, and all abusive of tech (throwing and stepping on mostly).
We've had 4 Kids Kindle HDs (with the big, bright covers) for up to 3 years now and all still work, not sure what you mean by talking tablets but pretty sure Alexa's a thing on them.
Disclaimer: hate Amazon as a company but they've become somewhat of a necessity for this entirely ND household unfortunately., We have an iPad and a backup Lenovo tab Daughter has been using these since she was 3. Kindle fire used to make her mad because of the lagging. A sturdy cover has helped no end., If anyone shames you. They can go F themselves. My son has a tablet. We use to help him communicate. While he still is in speech at school and privately. Some individuals on the spectrum talk later. Some unfortunately never do. You do whats best for you and your child. We have an AAC device as well as an IPad with Otterbox. My only advice limit screen time right from the start. They can quickly become hooked on videos such ASMR, kinetic sands etc. It will be much easier to limit screen time right from the start then try and cut back later., We use Amazon Fire Tablets for entertainment and game playing and we have an older iPad model for communication because our son's AAC program isn't available on Android. The iPad is strictly used for AAC (the program gets locked).
Make sure that the cases have a foam-like case and aren't flush with the screen. As long as the kid isn't actively jumping on the tablet, ours has survived multiple throws (both accidental and purposeful)., We have and Ipad provided by our son's school locked down to a single profile he uses as his "talker". He has a case that has handles on each side, top, and a strap to hang around his neck.
He uses Fire Tablets every day for activities - games, YouTube, taking pictures and video, etc., Amazon fire kids tablet with the subscription for apps. 100% no question.
It is fully locked down, has content constantly added that requires no intervention from the adult, all the apps don’t have add on content that the kids will constantly ask for, has robust online cloud control for screen time, you can add other apps that are not part of the subscription, is cheap, has a 2 year warranty, comes with a case.
I could go on but it’s just far superior to the iPads for little kids. My kids outgrew theirs at around 11 but the iPads that replaced the Fire has been far more work for me. The Fire is completely self contained and requires nothing from me. I set the time it’s allowed, set the age range for apps, and my 3 yo can navigate it himself with no help. He downloads new apps and it’s just been great. He’s found every number and letters game available to him.
I recommend the 10” model with more ram and storage. It fills up with apps very quickly and the extra ram is useful. I got the 3 yo level 1 the 8” model and while it’s okay for maybe another year, the performance sucks and it’s frustrating.
If you have questions about it later let me know. I do some IT and I’ve had the things for almost a decade. I think I’ve had every model now., Thank you!, Right? Isn't this sub amazing?, Thanks !!, Otterboxes are great. I've used them on my own phones for years without complaint., Came here to say this. There are more communication apps available on iOS, though the number available for Android is growing., Thanks! I was in a Facebook group for moms and got called all kinds of names so I’m a little scared, They make a Kids Fire Pro now, and my NT 10 year old son and my ASD 8 year old have one each. Still the same warranty, but it allows the kids to ask for new downloads, and I can approve or decline them from my own phone.
The only time I get on their tablets is to remove all of the games the ASD kiddo puts on hers. Just the ones she hasn't used in a while, and only because she ran out of space.
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Talking to my son about autism
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My 4 year old son was recently diagnosed with Autism level 2. He’s verbal, very curious and very intelligent. He does not seem to be very concerned with what other people are thinking or feeling. So, at this point, we are not aware if he recognizes that he is different from other kids he knows. We have been wondering how to start talking with him about Autism. What has that experience been like for others? What has been helpful?
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Every kid is different, but I know my 4 year old child is years away from having any conversation about autism. First, he would have to realize that there is a world outside of his own and that other people have thoughts and feelings. He doesn’t interact with the kids in his preschool class, much less care what they think of him., We've been really up front with my son that he is autistic from the time he was tested. It was never really a single big conversation, now it's just a part of what he knows about himself and how his brain works and how it affects his body. We'll talk about strengths that autism gives him as well as challenges. He has several books about autism or with autistic characters and those have been the most helpful for him. He especially loves the children's book "Congratulations, You're Autistic" and it has helped us have a lot of good conversations about autism., I wonder why he was given a level 2 diagnosis without verbal delay, Thank you. This sounds pretty relatable., Thank you!, How old was your son when you told him about the diagnosis?, My son speaks nonstop and I would describe him as "very verbal" as well. However he does have functional communication delays and his support needs around transitions, routine changes, and sensory differences are quite high. He was diagnosed as Level 2., I find it really disappointing that my first post in this sub is asking for advice and instead you are questioning my son's diagnosis. That's between us and his doctors., We treated it the same as this poster and even spend a lot of time educating him about neural diversity. We read him books before bedtime about it and discuss it openly with him in a very postive way., 3 1/2 (which is when he was diagnosed). He’s almost 6 now., I am sorry I should have worded my comment correctly - I do not question the diagnosis, but my question was really, "what is it that they mentioned to you that put him in level 2"
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Tantrums
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How do you guys deal with tantrums? My daughter (3 years old in August) will throw tantrums over almost anything. They’re not just little tantrums either. She will full on slam her head down on the hard floor multiple times if we don’t stop her, She will smack herself, slam her butt down onto the floor and she will try hurting us as well. I’ve tried distraction among other things. Any advice? She is non verbal, I should add.
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I remember those years. Both of my boys (one adhd, one autistic) did that head slamming thing. the older one (adhd) would go straight back and slam his head on the floor. He didn't do it for very long thankfully.
My younger one would pound his head into the floor so his school lent us one of those soft helmets to wear on him and that actually stopped the head slamming after a few months because he was no longer receiving the sensory input from his head knocking against the floor. I think that your child's dr. can help you get one if you think that would be helpful., Have you tried a sensory swing? We love the Harkla one. It changed our lives., [It was this one but in blue](https://www.adaptivespecialties.com/danmar-soft-shell-helmet-for-children-and-adults.aspx?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwzN-vBhAkEiwAYiO7oBJDccblVjwxLWhev7N2LDN55T3Qd-P-zZyWdmrQEtI40yHPgSbAcBoCW94QAvD_BwE), I remember those years. Both of my boys (one adhd, one autistic) did that head slamming thing. the older one (adhd) would go straight back and slam his head on the floor. He didn't do it for very long thankfully.
My younger one would pound his head into the floor so his school lent us one of those soft helmets to wear on him and that actually stopped the head slamming after a few months because he was no longer receiving the sensory input from his head knocking against the floor. I think that your child's dr. can help you get one if you think that would be helpful., Have you tried a sensory swing? We love the Harkla one. It changed our lives., [It was this one but in blue](https://www.adaptivespecialties.com/danmar-soft-shell-helmet-for-children-and-adults.aspx?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwzN-vBhAkEiwAYiO7oBJDccblVjwxLWhev7N2LDN55T3Qd-P-zZyWdmrQEtI40yHPgSbAcBoCW94QAvD_BwE), I remember those years. Both of my boys (one adhd, one autistic) did that head slamming thing. the older one (adhd) would go straight back and slam his head on the floor. He didn't do it for very long thankfully.
My younger one would pound his head into the floor so his school lent us one of those soft helmets to wear on him and that actually stopped the head slamming after a few months because he was no longer receiving the sensory input from his head knocking against the floor. I think that your child's dr. can help you get one if you think that would be helpful., Have you tried a sensory swing? We love the Harkla one. It changed our lives., [It was this one but in blue](https://www.adaptivespecialties.com/danmar-soft-shell-helmet-for-children-and-adults.aspx?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwzN-vBhAkEiwAYiO7oBJDccblVjwxLWhev7N2LDN55T3Qd-P-zZyWdmrQEtI40yHPgSbAcBoCW94QAvD_BwE), I remember those years. Both of my boys (one adhd, one autistic) did that head slamming thing. the older one (adhd) would go straight back and slam his head on the floor. He didn't do it for very long thankfully.
My younger one would pound his head into the floor so his school lent us one of those soft helmets to wear on him and that actually stopped the head slamming after a few months because he was no longer receiving the sensory input from his head knocking against the floor. I think that your child's dr. can help you get one if you think that would be helpful., Have you tried a sensory swing? We love the Harkla one. It changed our lives., [It was this one but in blue](https://www.adaptivespecialties.com/danmar-soft-shell-helmet-for-children-and-adults.aspx?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwzN-vBhAkEiwAYiO7oBJDccblVjwxLWhev7N2LDN55T3Qd-P-zZyWdmrQEtI40yHPgSbAcBoCW94QAvD_BwE)
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Tantrums spiking again at age 9??
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I am struggling here... it seems that the tantrums are back. My kiddo just hit their dad because we were failing to find a piece to a hot wheel track we were putting together. We promptly sent them to their room. I hear them literally seething with anger, throwing things, banging on the door.. but I won't tolerate physical violence. Should I be concerned there is something more? I already have them in therapy...
Editing to add its asd with autism
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My son turned 9 last September and we realised that it is not just autism, there's ADHD as well. Lots of struggles with impulse control, snapping at us because we remind him about pretty much every step of his daily routine... Tantrums are on another level now, happening nearly daily. It is just so energy draining...
We got his ADHD diagnosis in January and have hopes for the meds - waiting for a psychiatrist appointment., Part of this is going to be impending puberty (yeah boy - not looking forward to that AT ALL!!) - at around 8 there’s a pre-puberty phase called adrenarche, & my child’s psych thinks that’s a big part of the issue we’ve had in the last 4 month or so.
Another part will be their general capacity to manage the emotions either due to having strategies to access, or not having the band-with to acquire them or access them when needed/appropriate.
TBH I did choose to medicate the ADHD, and did so immediately after diagnosis at 7 (about a year ago, as I made the assessment that meds were going to be the option that bought us band-width.
For my son, my experience is, yes, meds give him band-with to both Aquire strategies in therapy and to use them outside therapy. His ability to manage frustration & annoyances is far better when they’re active as the impulse to act on the first/biggest emotion is reduced. he’s on short-acting and can tell in himself when they wear off, too.
Adrenarche and a top-up med choice that didn’t agree with him gave us a hellish 4 months or so. Evenings when they’re worn off and break days are still chaotic, so it’s not all sunshine and roses, but a lot better than it was., I am also a autistic mom as well and my 5 yr old daughter tantrums have been spiraling out of control for the past week it’s almost scary idk what to at this point , I had to pull her out of school because she’s refusing to go 😫, It can happen at any age.
My 18 year old started last year having horrible meltdowns downs. I can't do a thing while holes are smashed in walls.
He does have ADHD also and PDA.
Apparently it's autism burnout from years of masking.
There is a reason that we have to try and figure out, We are asd and adhd. Just not looking to add meds.
The draining feeling is exactly right. I'm constantly blamed for everything. Literally no self responsibility..but leaves Me feeling like crap, Came here to say this. Puberty!! Most def at that age., Wow, this just adds another layer to my ASD / ADHD / PDA son!.. What bothers me most is that ASD and ADHD comes with a lack of emotional maturity. Adrenarche does not help develop it at all - and this is just the beginning of puberty - I am not sure how I'm going to cope!, I think what has me hesitant with the meds is I've seen the negative part of the meds as someone who has been on them. Not for adhd though. My husband has been on them for adhd and is vehemently against them...but it was a literal battle to get him on meds.
I will go the meds route if I have to but I'm trying everything else first.
I was definitely worried it was puberty..
Our evenings and days off from school are already the most chaotic 🙃, 5 was hard... I feel for you mama, We had 3 tantrums today: one because I asked to return my phone, one because I asked him to get off the kitchen countertop and one because he broke the rule (2nd day in a row) and lost his screentime.
I was blamed for all of those things...
And then every time he asks me why I am so mean to him.
I am simply lost and do not know the words I can use to explain consequences?.., I'm just not ready for puberty!.. at 9 my adhd son still acts like a small child!.. he lacks emotional maturity and understanding, but lashes out 😭, It's hard. It's so so so hard. It has brought me to a breakdown, I literally feel the same. I'm always mean and terrible and the worst. After seeing the room after time out the trash can had been emptied all over the room, a toy bin emptied as well.
I made my child pick them both up before bed and was called mean,terrible and rude. I went to bed feeling like I'm beyond overwhelmed.
I struggle to "speak their language" as well sometimes. I've been big on saying we have to take responsibility for our own actions. That we need to work on controlling our emotions and talking so we can understand instead of yelling. Sometimes I'm heard..sometimes I'm not., My son turned 9 last September and we realised that it is not just autism, there's ADHD as well. Lots of struggles with impulse control, snapping at us because we remind him about pretty much every step of his daily routine... Tantrums are on another level now, happening nearly daily. It is just so energy draining...
We got his ADHD diagnosis in January and have hopes for the meds - waiting for a psychiatrist appointment., Part of this is going to be impending puberty (yeah boy - not looking forward to that AT ALL!!) - at around 8 there’s a pre-puberty phase called adrenarche, & my child’s psych thinks that’s a big part of the issue we’ve had in the last 4 month or so.
Another part will be their general capacity to manage the emotions either due to having strategies to access, or not having the band-with to acquire them or access them when needed/appropriate.
TBH I did choose to medicate the ADHD, and did so immediately after diagnosis at 7 (about a year ago, as I made the assessment that meds were going to be the option that bought us band-width.
For my son, my experience is, yes, meds give him band-with to both Aquire strategies in therapy and to use them outside therapy. His ability to manage frustration & annoyances is far better when they’re active as the impulse to act on the first/biggest emotion is reduced. he’s on short-acting and can tell in himself when they wear off, too.
Adrenarche and a top-up med choice that didn’t agree with him gave us a hellish 4 months or so. Evenings when they’re worn off and break days are still chaotic, so it’s not all sunshine and roses, but a lot better than it was., I am also a autistic mom as well and my 5 yr old daughter tantrums have been spiraling out of control for the past week it’s almost scary idk what to at this point , I had to pull her out of school because she’s refusing to go 😫, It can happen at any age.
My 18 year old started last year having horrible meltdowns downs. I can't do a thing while holes are smashed in walls.
He does have ADHD also and PDA.
Apparently it's autism burnout from years of masking.
There is a reason that we have to try and figure out, We are asd and adhd. Just not looking to add meds.
The draining feeling is exactly right. I'm constantly blamed for everything. Literally no self responsibility..but leaves Me feeling like crap, Came here to say this. Puberty!! Most def at that age., Wow, this just adds another layer to my ASD / ADHD / PDA son!.. What bothers me most is that ASD and ADHD comes with a lack of emotional maturity. Adrenarche does not help develop it at all - and this is just the beginning of puberty - I am not sure how I'm going to cope!, I think what has me hesitant with the meds is I've seen the negative part of the meds as someone who has been on them. Not for adhd though. My husband has been on them for adhd and is vehemently against them...but it was a literal battle to get him on meds.
I will go the meds route if I have to but I'm trying everything else first.
I was definitely worried it was puberty..
Our evenings and days off from school are already the most chaotic 🙃, 5 was hard... I feel for you mama, We had 3 tantrums today: one because I asked to return my phone, one because I asked him to get off the kitchen countertop and one because he broke the rule (2nd day in a row) and lost his screentime.
I was blamed for all of those things...
And then every time he asks me why I am so mean to him.
I am simply lost and do not know the words I can use to explain consequences?.., I'm just not ready for puberty!.. at 9 my adhd son still acts like a small child!.. he lacks emotional maturity and understanding, but lashes out 😭, It's hard. It's so so so hard. It has brought me to a breakdown, I literally feel the same. I'm always mean and terrible and the worst. After seeing the room after time out the trash can had been emptied all over the room, a toy bin emptied as well.
I made my child pick them both up before bed and was called mean,terrible and rude. I went to bed feeling like I'm beyond overwhelmed.
I struggle to "speak their language" as well sometimes. I've been big on saying we have to take responsibility for our own actions. That we need to work on controlling our emotions and talking so we can understand instead of yelling. Sometimes I'm heard..sometimes I'm not., My son turned 9 last September and we realised that it is not just autism, there's ADHD as well. Lots of struggles with impulse control, snapping at us because we remind him about pretty much every step of his daily routine... Tantrums are on another level now, happening nearly daily. It is just so energy draining...
We got his ADHD diagnosis in January and have hopes for the meds - waiting for a psychiatrist appointment., Part of this is going to be impending puberty (yeah boy - not looking forward to that AT ALL!!) - at around 8 there’s a pre-puberty phase called adrenarche, & my child’s psych thinks that’s a big part of the issue we’ve had in the last 4 month or so.
Another part will be their general capacity to manage the emotions either due to having strategies to access, or not having the band-with to acquire them or access them when needed/appropriate.
TBH I did choose to medicate the ADHD, and did so immediately after diagnosis at 7 (about a year ago, as I made the assessment that meds were going to be the option that bought us band-width.
For my son, my experience is, yes, meds give him band-with to both Aquire strategies in therapy and to use them outside therapy. His ability to manage frustration & annoyances is far better when they’re active as the impulse to act on the first/biggest emotion is reduced. he’s on short-acting and can tell in himself when they wear off, too.
Adrenarche and a top-up med choice that didn’t agree with him gave us a hellish 4 months or so. Evenings when they’re worn off and break days are still chaotic, so it’s not all sunshine and roses, but a lot better than it was., I am also a autistic mom as well and my 5 yr old daughter tantrums have been spiraling out of control for the past week it’s almost scary idk what to at this point , I had to pull her out of school because she’s refusing to go 😫, It can happen at any age.
My 18 year old started last year having horrible meltdowns downs. I can't do a thing while holes are smashed in walls.
He does have ADHD also and PDA.
Apparently it's autism burnout from years of masking.
There is a reason that we have to try and figure out, We are asd and adhd. Just not looking to add meds.
The draining feeling is exactly right. I'm constantly blamed for everything. Literally no self responsibility..but leaves Me feeling like crap, Came here to say this. Puberty!! Most def at that age., Wow, this just adds another layer to my ASD / ADHD / PDA son!.. What bothers me most is that ASD and ADHD comes with a lack of emotional maturity. Adrenarche does not help develop it at all - and this is just the beginning of puberty - I am not sure how I'm going to cope!, I think what has me hesitant with the meds is I've seen the negative part of the meds as someone who has been on them. Not for adhd though. My husband has been on them for adhd and is vehemently against them...but it was a literal battle to get him on meds.
I will go the meds route if I have to but I'm trying everything else first.
I was definitely worried it was puberty..
Our evenings and days off from school are already the most chaotic 🙃, 5 was hard... I feel for you mama, We had 3 tantrums today: one because I asked to return my phone, one because I asked him to get off the kitchen countertop and one because he broke the rule (2nd day in a row) and lost his screentime.
I was blamed for all of those things...
And then every time he asks me why I am so mean to him.
I am simply lost and do not know the words I can use to explain consequences?.., I'm just not ready for puberty!.. at 9 my adhd son still acts like a small child!.. he lacks emotional maturity and understanding, but lashes out 😭, It's hard. It's so so so hard. It has brought me to a breakdown, I literally feel the same. I'm always mean and terrible and the worst. After seeing the room after time out the trash can had been emptied all over the room, a toy bin emptied as well.
I made my child pick them both up before bed and was called mean,terrible and rude. I went to bed feeling like I'm beyond overwhelmed.
I struggle to "speak their language" as well sometimes. I've been big on saying we have to take responsibility for our own actions. That we need to work on controlling our emotions and talking so we can understand instead of yelling. Sometimes I'm heard..sometimes I'm not., My son turned 9 last September and we realised that it is not just autism, there's ADHD as well. Lots of struggles with impulse control, snapping at us because we remind him about pretty much every step of his daily routine... Tantrums are on another level now, happening nearly daily. It is just so energy draining...
We got his ADHD diagnosis in January and have hopes for the meds - waiting for a psychiatrist appointment., Part of this is going to be impending puberty (yeah boy - not looking forward to that AT ALL!!) - at around 8 there’s a pre-puberty phase called adrenarche, & my child’s psych thinks that’s a big part of the issue we’ve had in the last 4 month or so.
Another part will be their general capacity to manage the emotions either due to having strategies to access, or not having the band-with to acquire them or access them when needed/appropriate.
TBH I did choose to medicate the ADHD, and did so immediately after diagnosis at 7 (about a year ago, as I made the assessment that meds were going to be the option that bought us band-width.
For my son, my experience is, yes, meds give him band-with to both Aquire strategies in therapy and to use them outside therapy. His ability to manage frustration & annoyances is far better when they’re active as the impulse to act on the first/biggest emotion is reduced. he’s on short-acting and can tell in himself when they wear off, too.
Adrenarche and a top-up med choice that didn’t agree with him gave us a hellish 4 months or so. Evenings when they’re worn off and break days are still chaotic, so it’s not all sunshine and roses, but a lot better than it was., I am also a autistic mom as well and my 5 yr old daughter tantrums have been spiraling out of control for the past week it’s almost scary idk what to at this point , I had to pull her out of school because she’s refusing to go 😫, It can happen at any age.
My 18 year old started last year having horrible meltdowns downs. I can't do a thing while holes are smashed in walls.
He does have ADHD also and PDA.
Apparently it's autism burnout from years of masking.
There is a reason that we have to try and figure out, We are asd and adhd. Just not looking to add meds.
The draining feeling is exactly right. I'm constantly blamed for everything. Literally no self responsibility..but leaves Me feeling like crap, Came here to say this. Puberty!! Most def at that age., Wow, this just adds another layer to my ASD / ADHD / PDA son!.. What bothers me most is that ASD and ADHD comes with a lack of emotional maturity. Adrenarche does not help develop it at all - and this is just the beginning of puberty - I am not sure how I'm going to cope!, I think what has me hesitant with the meds is I've seen the negative part of the meds as someone who has been on them. Not for adhd though. My husband has been on them for adhd and is vehemently against them...but it was a literal battle to get him on meds.
I will go the meds route if I have to but I'm trying everything else first.
I was definitely worried it was puberty..
Our evenings and days off from school are already the most chaotic 🙃, 5 was hard... I feel for you mama, We had 3 tantrums today: one because I asked to return my phone, one because I asked him to get off the kitchen countertop and one because he broke the rule (2nd day in a row) and lost his screentime.
I was blamed for all of those things...
And then every time he asks me why I am so mean to him.
I am simply lost and do not know the words I can use to explain consequences?.., I'm just not ready for puberty!.. at 9 my adhd son still acts like a small child!.. he lacks emotional maturity and understanding, but lashes out 😭, It's hard. It's so so so hard. It has brought me to a breakdown, I literally feel the same. I'm always mean and terrible and the worst. After seeing the room after time out the trash can had been emptied all over the room, a toy bin emptied as well.
I made my child pick them both up before bed and was called mean,terrible and rude. I went to bed feeling like I'm beyond overwhelmed.
I struggle to "speak their language" as well sometimes. I've been big on saying we have to take responsibility for our own actions. That we need to work on controlling our emotions and talking so we can understand instead of yelling. Sometimes I'm heard..sometimes I'm not.
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Tantrums 😢
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How do you guys deal with your child whenever he/ she decides to fall to the floor and just scream and throw a tantrum inside of the store? With everyone looking at you as if you are the bad parent and you are unable to get control of your child and nothing you do works, You try your hardest not to hit or pinch for further judgement .. so they just kick and scream and spin around on the floor Causing a scene painting you as a terrible parent leaving you feeling helpless.?
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I just stand there on the side and let him have the tantrum. I can’t pick him up because he will just drop to the ground and make it harder so I just let him go for as long as he wants. People will look but I don’t know them and will never see them again so it doesn’t really matter. Eventually he stops and we get on with our day. The older they get the shorter they become., Just let them. The tantrums are shorter if I don’t react., No reasonable person thinks you are a bad parent for having a screaming kid. The only thing that will affect how other people think of you is how you react.
If you are calm and try to calm your child or safely remove them from the environment people will see that you are a good parent. If you lose your cool, yell back, or hit your kid, that’s what will make people think that you are a bad parent., Are they tantrums, or.meltdowns? If he's older, it's likely a meltdown, and he is probably as uncomfortable as you are. Empathy for my child really helps me. He is the one who is suffering. it's a reaction to discomfort and a lack of ability to communicate. Remembering that, I couldn't care less what other people think. He has as much right to exist as anybody else, and to be in public, and so on. Other peoples discomfort is their issue, not his and not mine. I refuse to take that responsibility., Do you normally hit or pinch during a tantrum or meltdown? Last I checked, causing physical pain doesn't work for calming down...., https://preview.redd.it/p16a51xk96gc1.jpeg?width=968&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4f17f1402b469165ca647e7bd91fac3684992c3f
Just be sure you are dealing with the right thing. Tantrums are intentional. Meltdowns are not. You should only comfort and support in that case., I ask them if they want me to sit down next to them. Or if they need a bear hug. If we're going to look silly to all of the allistics we might as well do it together. Sometimes you just have to have a nice long sit in the soup aisle., As a parent, I understand how frustrating and embarrassing public tantrums can be. It's normal to feel judged by onlookers, even though every child has outbursts. Try not to take their reactions personally.
When possible, I'd gently guide my child out of the store to a quiet spot rather than battle it out on the floor. Removing them from the stimulus causing the meltdown can help diffuse things quickly. I'd speak calmly and acknowledge their feelings - "I see you're very upset right now. Let's take some deep breaths together."
If leaving isn't an option, I get down to their level to minimize the scene and avoid yelling. Quietly yet firmly set limits and remind them we don't throw tantrums to get what we want. Offer comfort items like stuffed animals, stickers, or snacks once they've calmed down.
Tantrums happen to us all. Try self-care after stressful situations. Every child develops at their own pace with different triggers. With consistency, understanding and tools to express big feelings, the tantrums do pass. You're doing great, even when it doesn't feel that way in the heat of the moment., I have never taken my kid to a store. Then again, I rarely go to stores myself. I live for delivery.
Writing as I think of it because now I’m wondering what y’all do to prepare for a store trip…, If someone wants to stare at me I'm going to look them dead in the eye with an "I dare you to say something" look.
Most parents have been through a public meltdown even with their neurotypical children. It happens., You'll have the stoicism of a general going into battle after this time in your child's life. I'm so over people's stares and lack of understanding - you build a thick skin. Sending you hugs., With my older kids, I used to take them outside when I shop with another adult, but I started shopping alone with my kids. I just let them cry it out. I don't buy them snacks or anything fun.
Now my youngest is 3 and autistic and currently has a habit of high-pitched screeching, which really makes my ears ring, so I might just leave the cart and take him outside, just because of the high-pitched sound is too loud for even my own ears, let alone other shoppers. I now have a new habit of wearing earbuds, and I sometimes forget they're in.
My best option is to shop when he's at school, ABA, or napping. School and ABA are lifesavers for me nowadays. Not only is his behavior improved, but I also get the bonus of being able to get things done and just feel like a carefree human again., A tantrum is a tantrum.
A meltdown is a meltdown, and your child is *not* "deciding" to have one - they're an involuntary response to becoming overloaded (usually by sensory input).
Learn to distinguish those two things in your child., Whatever go fk off somewhere please if you don't have anything good to say, I’d tell him I’m leaving him there and walk away. He’ll realized I’m gone and will follow me. I don’t fuss about it and it will stop. Once he’s cooled down we talk about it., The last tantrum my kid had I took her out of the store and let her have at it in her stroller while we sat outside. I just waited her out. It was embarrassing.
Most of the time I just do my best to try and avoid the tantrums all together., Honestly? Not giving a fuck about what the world thinks of me while I simply watch him until he is finished with his tantrum. It is simply waiting it out until he is tired and done. The biggest life lesson I want to teach my son as his father is for him to understand that tantrums will not get his way. I am relatively thankful my son's tantrums are mild in comparison really, but the reality is that I will just stand over him and wait untill he is done and move on.
7 out of 10 times people looking will understand the situation and go about their buisness. That 8th person will cheer you on to not give in to the terrorist. That 9th person will get the store clerk to try to get you to take them outside because they are bothering shoppers. And that 10th person will try to give you unwarranted advice because they think they understand kids without understanding ASD Kids.
HOWEVER, one of my absolute favorite things to do when the opportunity presents itself is. "hey, buddy. Look at that mean lady looking at you. Do you like mean judgmental people looking at you? I'll make you a deal, bud, The faster we get out of here, the faster we don't have to deal with mean people?" It doesn't work on my kiddo, but it is absolutely hilarious to me when I say it loud enough so they can hear it, and watching them try to hide or fume or try to say something is always amusing to me. I am already tired and frustrated my kiddo has his meltdown, and I will have 0 problems taking my frustration on people who judge others because their child is having a moment. But in those moments I will admit I can be 100% an AH to those around me because of my kiddo's tantrum.
And truthfully.... tantrums end in about 3 minutes if I do not react at all. If I actually respond to them, trying to calm them down.... they will take up to 15 to 45 minutes. Yes, I have timed them. And for additional context, My son does not have sensory processing meltdowns that he can't help. They are all because he isn't getting what he wants. He under processes sensory to the point where he barely notices things., Mine had one this morning ..let him scream and then removed him from the scene and changed topic ...there is a little game I play with him and I used that he forgot about the screaming and I swinged him up n down thinking it might be a sensory overload and the next minute he was giggling and we went about out day., I let him have the tantrum 🤷♀️, How old is your child?
To be honest, if someone is staring at you in disgust they are a loser or have never been around young children/children with developmental delays. Life experience will teach them a lesson., It depends. Lately I’ve been throwing him over my shoulder bringing him to the car to let him cool off or leaving if he is inconsolable: My son is 4 1/2 and trust me I’ve dealt with feelings of embarrassment in the beginning but now I give zero fucks if my child having a meltdown offends you. I am honestly scared of what I would say to someone if they had the audacity to say something to me about my autistic child. Patience is key. You have to remain calm. Think about what you deal with on a daily basis when feeling embarrassed. It’s takes a strong cookie to do what we do as parents of asd diagnosed children. Deep breaths., I generally have to get on the floor with my little guy so he doesn't harm himself (loves banging his head off the floor mid-meltdown) but also, sometimes deep pressure helps calm him down. I don't really give a F what people think. There's way more awareness about autism and working in retail when I see a kid losing it in an aisle I FEEL for that parent and sometimes will just scoot by and ask if I can help (stickers? Lollypop? Ask him to help me with something?) Because...been there. So let judgey people judge and do what's best for your child., I try to co regulate and redirect. (Daniel tiger, deep breath, count to four, etc) If that doesnt work we leave the store. I take off his shoes first bc they always get kicked off lol., I just let him throw his tantrum. Also I do not hit or pinch my kid or even consider doing that, and it has nothing to do with "judgement" from others. Physical punishments teach NT kids that lashing out with violence it acceptable when upset. Definitely not a something I want my ND ASD son. He already makes up rules for behavior on his own(potty training was hard cuz of this), I don't want to teach him worse coping mechanism. Empathy and compassion go a long way., Same., I've had one lady judge me for mine having a meltdown at a Target because he wanted something. He's 9 and big for his age. He was sitting on the floor crying loudly (real tears, too! Like, not angry, just really distressed) and she said to him "you're a bit old to be crying like a baby aren't you? Don't do this to your mother"
I was so shocked I didn't get a chance to say ask the cuss words to get that I wanted. Just told her to leave us alone.
I mean, my son clearly has special needs and you can tell by the rocking and he had on his ear muffs., Yeah I'm an autistic adult and meltdowns are completely out of my control., Yes I use to hit all the time but now I'm getting better and sometimes just pinch a bit but no hitting eventually I'll get down to nothing 😅, Since rigidity also is a part of autism, isn't it that "not getting their way or being told no" in some cases, similar to "the rules they have in mind is being broken" which leads to the anxiety and overstimulation?
For example, they're used to having only mom and dad at the house, but suddenly many guests came over visiting, without prior notice. So the autistic child wants them to go home, but the parents/situation says no, and it also means "not getting their way".
Is that tantrum or meltdown or it doesn't matter what it's called..?
Or maybe i'm too literal in reading it. So is the context of that tantrum applies to stuff similar to "the child wants candy/toy but parents say no", only..?, Yea seems like mainly sensory meltdowns. but the redirect sometimes it can work and also he looks for reaction sometimes others it doesn't matter, That's a really sweet way I love it 🥰, Yea I tried that but sometimes it doesn't work lol maybe I need to walk further, thank u for ur input… i thought we could teach this out., Wait, why are you using a laughing emoji when you talk about abusing your child? Hitting and pinching any child, let alone an autistic one having what is clearly a meltdown is wrong- a good indicator is that if you can't behave that way in front of other people, you probably shouldn't be behaving like that AT ALL., Yikes. I'm going to guess these also aren't tantrums but autistic meltdowns that your child can't control..., Yall make it seem like i'm talking about punching my child and smacking in the face and giving him a blackeye or bleeding or something ... just a light smack only ever on the butt that he barely feels through the diaper / underwear and his pants. Very light but enough for him to understand what he is doing is not ok, You could just stop hitting and pinching now. You could just not do it again. You don't need to wear yourself off of hurting your kid., And the emoji is definitely sarcasm but a lot of people here in the Reddit page their only job in life is to downplay, Bash and attack other parents every move to make themselves feel better to say "atleast I don't do that" it's clear as day. You would think you get paid by the post the way some of you are quick to fly in and judge., Dude, get a grip. Pinching a nonverbal autistic 5 year old is so messed up. Seek therapy. Please., You have to go deeper into the biological causation.
Tantrums are frontal lobe, rational and intentional. Meltdowns are amygdala responses. Think fight/flight/freeze.
Then in becomes clearer to differentiate!
In the example you gave, if the breaking of a rule (ie. guests visiting) is pushing them into flight/fight/freeze it would be a meltdown, but if they are intentionally rationalizing that if they do X then they will get Y, then it’s a tantrum., Look into this book:
https://www.amazon.com/Explosive-Child-Sixth-Understanding-Chronically/dp/0063092468
It will give you strategies of how to react, Try it and tell him you’re leaving and say bye. But these tantrums and meltdowns can be so embarrassing!!, I tried doing this to my son when he was much younger and not listening (not a tantrum case). I told him I was leaving the store. He proceeded on without me. He tried to get his own cart (I followed at a distance). It was actually kind of cute. He was about 2 at the time. I don’t think he even noticed my absence. Now we just never go to stores., Yeah, no. At 34 I still have meltdowns. It's when I get overwhelmed and it's very much an out of body experience. I basically go animalistic and cannot control my actions. I just have to scream and get the emotions out.
Then I feel bad later. The last thing I need is to be hit, my fight or flight is already engaged. And I don't need to be reminded about my behavior for days., She’s using the laugh emoji to indicate sarcasm., Pinching is more discreet and it happens so fast no one sees, Thanks will definitely give it a shot !!, Right! They don't go away. Its best to try to teach them coping behaviors, like being able to feel when one is coming on and maybe tell you they need a safe space. But once a meltdown hits, its out of their control. Its a reaction, not bad behavior.
Imagine your child got stung by a bee. They are going to cry, and anybody who isn't understanding of that is a massive jerk. It's the same thing here. Your kids nerves are screaming, and they are reacting to that by crying, falling down, and freaking out. I feel protective of my child when this happens to him. I sit on the floor right next to him and grab him (deep pressure usually helps in his case) and try to soothe him enough that we can get up and out of the store. Then we come home, turn the lights off, turn on a quiet tv show he likes, and usually get a nice soft blanket and sit on the floor until it passes completely. Try to tap into your inner mama bear. Those people staring are ignorant of the struggle and suffering your kid is experiencing. Who cares what they think? Glare right back. They are the ones who have forgotten their manners, not the other way around., My son is 38, and for the last 6 months has been having epic meltdowns. He screams, bangs on the walls, bites his hands, and pokes. Immediately afterwards it's "I'm sorry, Mommy!" They will start as soon as he gets up in the morning so I cannot figure out what the trigger is., Uh, no- first of all, op is a he, and if you read his post history, that's not sarcasm., This emoji is for sarcasm..? I use it always but i didn't mean it as sarcastic.. oh no, did i do it wrongly.., Have you asked him?, Omg you should make a YouTube to document ur day to day life with him. There is not much about adults with Autism n I wanna learn what I’m in store for as my child with Autism gets older so I can be prepared. I know everyone if different but it would still help people slot learn about Autism ., It can be used for both. It is very contextual, like a lot of neurotypical behaviour I am afraid!, Yes. He only responds with "No! I'm sorry!".
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Teeth brushing
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Hey folks
Anyone any tips on teaching non verbal daughter how to spit out toothpaste after brushing ?
Her dental health wasn’t great used to fight a lot etc and has a small cavity but after a years of holding , fighting and brushing she doesn’t mind it / understand it’s just a routine we do now which is great.
Now I’ve just learned if she keeps swallowing the toothpaste it can affect her adult teeth that are still forming so I’m just worried if we continue I’ll mess something up later on.
She’s 7 so still has a few adult teeth to get so just worried really and wondering if anyone has went though something similar or has any alternative toothpastes etc
The toothpaste I use is jsut normal adult toothpaste as well as she prefers it / doesn’t fight it over others so think it’s 1450ppm fluoride but I do only use enough to cover her small electric toothbrush head
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It sounds like you've been doing an awesome job working on your daughter's dental routine! It definitely seems like you are on the right track.
Here are a few tips:
1. Show her how it's done! Modeling the behavior yourself can be super helpful.
2. Try using visual aids like pictures or videos to help her understand what she needs to do.
3. Give her some gentle physical guidance if needed, to help her get the hang of spitting into the sink.
4. Positive reinforcement is key! Praise and small rewards may go a long way in encouraging her to spit out the toothpaste.
5. If swallowing toothpaste is still a concern, maybe give a fluoride-free training toothpaste a shot. It's safe to swallow and can help her get used to the idea of spitting.
And don't hesitate to reach out to a pediatric dentist for some extra guidance if you need it. They're pros at this stuff and could give you toothpaste recommendations!, We are working on teeth brushing and idk if it helps, but maybe brushing with a wet toothbrush after to try and get some out if she isn't spitting., Try Boka toothpaste • It's supposed to be completely safe to swallow., Have you got those lozenges where you are?! They're kind of like fruit tingles but you chew them they brush your teeth as you chew! We got them for my lv3 nv stepdaughter. She doesn't have to spit it out per se. "Tooth Sparkles" by Jack and Jill!, I can’t even get my high functioning, high cognitive skill, 9 year old to spit yet. I hope you find something., Is she in speech therapy? Spitting on purpose and learning to connect that with a cue (like a visual) would fall into their realm, so they may be able to help. Just mentioning this because not everyone knows what exactly speech therapists do, so if you haven't asked them yet I'd try that., Thank you for the kind words and advice some good ideas there! She loves songs and pictures so might give the visual aids a go!
We’re in the UK so we have a dentist for her that works with children on spectrum and other additional needs etc so have been working with them a bit just they said its better to make sure their brushed to stop further issues but try get her to spit it out as it’s not ideal and then I done the worst thing of googling it lol not good for your sanity 😂 thank you, Thank you !!, Really funny you say this cause I bought some off Amazon legit 2 days ago hahaha she doesn’t like them unfortunately so just been giving her the calcium in a drink form to help her teeth but was really hoping them chews would have worked!, It sounds like you've been doing an awesome job working on your daughter's dental routine! It definitely seems like you are on the right track.
Here are a few tips:
1. Show her how it's done! Modeling the behavior yourself can be super helpful.
2. Try using visual aids like pictures or videos to help her understand what she needs to do.
3. Give her some gentle physical guidance if needed, to help her get the hang of spitting into the sink.
4. Positive reinforcement is key! Praise and small rewards may go a long way in encouraging her to spit out the toothpaste.
5. If swallowing toothpaste is still a concern, maybe give a fluoride-free training toothpaste a shot. It's safe to swallow and can help her get used to the idea of spitting.
And don't hesitate to reach out to a pediatric dentist for some extra guidance if you need it. They're pros at this stuff and could give you toothpaste recommendations!, We are working on teeth brushing and idk if it helps, but maybe brushing with a wet toothbrush after to try and get some out if she isn't spitting., Try Boka toothpaste • It's supposed to be completely safe to swallow., Have you got those lozenges where you are?! They're kind of like fruit tingles but you chew them they brush your teeth as you chew! We got them for my lv3 nv stepdaughter. She doesn't have to spit it out per se. "Tooth Sparkles" by Jack and Jill!, I can’t even get my high functioning, high cognitive skill, 9 year old to spit yet. I hope you find something., Is she in speech therapy? Spitting on purpose and learning to connect that with a cue (like a visual) would fall into their realm, so they may be able to help. Just mentioning this because not everyone knows what exactly speech therapists do, so if you haven't asked them yet I'd try that., Thank you for the kind words and advice some good ideas there! She loves songs and pictures so might give the visual aids a go!
We’re in the UK so we have a dentist for her that works with children on spectrum and other additional needs etc so have been working with them a bit just they said its better to make sure their brushed to stop further issues but try get her to spit it out as it’s not ideal and then I done the worst thing of googling it lol not good for your sanity 😂 thank you, Thank you !!, Really funny you say this cause I bought some off Amazon legit 2 days ago hahaha she doesn’t like them unfortunately so just been giving her the calcium in a drink form to help her teeth but was really hoping them chews would have worked!, It sounds like you've been doing an awesome job working on your daughter's dental routine! It definitely seems like you are on the right track.
Here are a few tips:
1. Show her how it's done! Modeling the behavior yourself can be super helpful.
2. Try using visual aids like pictures or videos to help her understand what she needs to do.
3. Give her some gentle physical guidance if needed, to help her get the hang of spitting into the sink.
4. Positive reinforcement is key! Praise and small rewards may go a long way in encouraging her to spit out the toothpaste.
5. If swallowing toothpaste is still a concern, maybe give a fluoride-free training toothpaste a shot. It's safe to swallow and can help her get used to the idea of spitting.
And don't hesitate to reach out to a pediatric dentist for some extra guidance if you need it. They're pros at this stuff and could give you toothpaste recommendations!, We are working on teeth brushing and idk if it helps, but maybe brushing with a wet toothbrush after to try and get some out if she isn't spitting., Try Boka toothpaste • It's supposed to be completely safe to swallow., Have you got those lozenges where you are?! They're kind of like fruit tingles but you chew them they brush your teeth as you chew! We got them for my lv3 nv stepdaughter. She doesn't have to spit it out per se. "Tooth Sparkles" by Jack and Jill!, I can’t even get my high functioning, high cognitive skill, 9 year old to spit yet. I hope you find something., Is she in speech therapy? Spitting on purpose and learning to connect that with a cue (like a visual) would fall into their realm, so they may be able to help. Just mentioning this because not everyone knows what exactly speech therapists do, so if you haven't asked them yet I'd try that., Thank you for the kind words and advice some good ideas there! She loves songs and pictures so might give the visual aids a go!
We’re in the UK so we have a dentist for her that works with children on spectrum and other additional needs etc so have been working with them a bit just they said its better to make sure their brushed to stop further issues but try get her to spit it out as it’s not ideal and then I done the worst thing of googling it lol not good for your sanity 😂 thank you, Thank you !!, Really funny you say this cause I bought some off Amazon legit 2 days ago hahaha she doesn’t like them unfortunately so just been giving her the calcium in a drink form to help her teeth but was really hoping them chews would have worked!, It sounds like you've been doing an awesome job working on your daughter's dental routine! It definitely seems like you are on the right track.
Here are a few tips:
1. Show her how it's done! Modeling the behavior yourself can be super helpful.
2. Try using visual aids like pictures or videos to help her understand what she needs to do.
3. Give her some gentle physical guidance if needed, to help her get the hang of spitting into the sink.
4. Positive reinforcement is key! Praise and small rewards may go a long way in encouraging her to spit out the toothpaste.
5. If swallowing toothpaste is still a concern, maybe give a fluoride-free training toothpaste a shot. It's safe to swallow and can help her get used to the idea of spitting.
And don't hesitate to reach out to a pediatric dentist for some extra guidance if you need it. They're pros at this stuff and could give you toothpaste recommendations!, We are working on teeth brushing and idk if it helps, but maybe brushing with a wet toothbrush after to try and get some out if she isn't spitting., Try Boka toothpaste • It's supposed to be completely safe to swallow., Have you got those lozenges where you are?! They're kind of like fruit tingles but you chew them they brush your teeth as you chew! We got them for my lv3 nv stepdaughter. She doesn't have to spit it out per se. "Tooth Sparkles" by Jack and Jill!, I can’t even get my high functioning, high cognitive skill, 9 year old to spit yet. I hope you find something., Is she in speech therapy? Spitting on purpose and learning to connect that with a cue (like a visual) would fall into their realm, so they may be able to help. Just mentioning this because not everyone knows what exactly speech therapists do, so if you haven't asked them yet I'd try that., Thank you for the kind words and advice some good ideas there! She loves songs and pictures so might give the visual aids a go!
We’re in the UK so we have a dentist for her that works with children on spectrum and other additional needs etc so have been working with them a bit just they said its better to make sure their brushed to stop further issues but try get her to spit it out as it’s not ideal and then I done the worst thing of googling it lol not good for your sanity 😂 thank you, Thank you !!, Really funny you say this cause I bought some off Amazon legit 2 days ago hahaha she doesn’t like them unfortunately so just been giving her the calcium in a drink form to help her teeth but was really hoping them chews would have worked!
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Teeth growing or cavities? Can you tell without a dentist?
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Non verbal 3yo who started chewing on things again out of no where and keeps pointing to our mouths when he is upset.
Panadol and gum numbing gel seems to help.
We literally can’t tell if he’s somehow still growing teeth or if it’s a cavity. It’s hell to get him to brush his teeth so we’re worried it’s cavities.
The idea of going to the dentist is horrifying as we can’t even get him to leave the house for McDonald’s recently.
Update: it’s a tooth! Husband was brave and risked having our little piranha bite his finger off. Upper molar just started peeking out. We think it’s his last milk tooth we’re waiting on
Thanks for the tips tho. I ended up finding a specialist dentist anyway -it’s a good thing for us to know so we can be ready when he does need to go to the dentist
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We looked for a dentist that could sedate if necessary and didn’t end up needing it. Look for that!, I've also got a 3yo, non-verbal, ASD. He has been chewing a lot, too. He just went to the dentist for the first time last week. I specifically found a pediatric dentist that specializes with ASD/special needs. It was a private room with a couch and cartoons on the tv. He did a lot better than my husband and I expected. He has no cavities and can come back in 6mo to clean and remove some plaque.
We have lots of different toothbrushes and lots of different flavored toothpaste that we keep in our kitchen and his bathroom. We play the toothbrush songs on TV and brush our teeth with him. The dentist said the chewys when needed can be used. Finding out that there were no cavities really put my mind at ease., Our girl does the same sometimes but she does have cavities. I recommend really vetting your dentists. We went with the closest office that said they work with ASD children but the experiences we’ve had have not been met with much patience. Going to have her sedated for a final procedure (X-rays then filling/capping/extraction as needed) with them late April then switching providers., Could he be getting his first adult teeth? Our son is non verbal and lost his first baby teeth just after his 4th birthday and had his first adult teeth coming through not long after.
He went from reluctant but accepting of brushing his teeth to fighting against it as much as he could a few weeks before the first teeth fell out., That may be our last resort! 🥺
I feel so bad for the little guy
It’s so hard for him. We just got over a terrible constipation spell which caused meltdowns as well -and now this., Seeing your comment made me bite the bullet and look for a local dentist! We found a specialist and while we don’t need to go yet, now at least I know where we can go!
Thank you, Thank you!!!, Oh wow! I didn’t know it could happen!!!
He hasn’t lost any baby teeth that we know of
Will keep that in mind tho, Glad to see the update and see that it’s just a tooth! Sending lots of care and comfort, hoping it comes in easy for him., We looked for a dentist that could sedate if necessary and didn’t end up needing it. Look for that!, I've also got a 3yo, non-verbal, ASD. He has been chewing a lot, too. He just went to the dentist for the first time last week. I specifically found a pediatric dentist that specializes with ASD/special needs. It was a private room with a couch and cartoons on the tv. He did a lot better than my husband and I expected. He has no cavities and can come back in 6mo to clean and remove some plaque.
We have lots of different toothbrushes and lots of different flavored toothpaste that we keep in our kitchen and his bathroom. We play the toothbrush songs on TV and brush our teeth with him. The dentist said the chewys when needed can be used. Finding out that there were no cavities really put my mind at ease., Our girl does the same sometimes but she does have cavities. I recommend really vetting your dentists. We went with the closest office that said they work with ASD children but the experiences we’ve had have not been met with much patience. Going to have her sedated for a final procedure (X-rays then filling/capping/extraction as needed) with them late April then switching providers., Could he be getting his first adult teeth? Our son is non verbal and lost his first baby teeth just after his 4th birthday and had his first adult teeth coming through not long after.
He went from reluctant but accepting of brushing his teeth to fighting against it as much as he could a few weeks before the first teeth fell out., That may be our last resort! 🥺
I feel so bad for the little guy
It’s so hard for him. We just got over a terrible constipation spell which caused meltdowns as well -and now this., Seeing your comment made me bite the bullet and look for a local dentist! We found a specialist and while we don’t need to go yet, now at least I know where we can go!
Thank you, Thank you!!!, Oh wow! I didn’t know it could happen!!!
He hasn’t lost any baby teeth that we know of
Will keep that in mind tho, Glad to see the update and see that it’s just a tooth! Sending lots of care and comfort, hoping it comes in easy for him., We looked for a dentist that could sedate if necessary and didn’t end up needing it. Look for that!, I've also got a 3yo, non-verbal, ASD. He has been chewing a lot, too. He just went to the dentist for the first time last week. I specifically found a pediatric dentist that specializes with ASD/special needs. It was a private room with a couch and cartoons on the tv. He did a lot better than my husband and I expected. He has no cavities and can come back in 6mo to clean and remove some plaque.
We have lots of different toothbrushes and lots of different flavored toothpaste that we keep in our kitchen and his bathroom. We play the toothbrush songs on TV and brush our teeth with him. The dentist said the chewys when needed can be used. Finding out that there were no cavities really put my mind at ease., Our girl does the same sometimes but she does have cavities. I recommend really vetting your dentists. We went with the closest office that said they work with ASD children but the experiences we’ve had have not been met with much patience. Going to have her sedated for a final procedure (X-rays then filling/capping/extraction as needed) with them late April then switching providers., Could he be getting his first adult teeth? Our son is non verbal and lost his first baby teeth just after his 4th birthday and had his first adult teeth coming through not long after.
He went from reluctant but accepting of brushing his teeth to fighting against it as much as he could a few weeks before the first teeth fell out., That may be our last resort! 🥺
I feel so bad for the little guy
It’s so hard for him. We just got over a terrible constipation spell which caused meltdowns as well -and now this., Seeing your comment made me bite the bullet and look for a local dentist! We found a specialist and while we don’t need to go yet, now at least I know where we can go!
Thank you, Thank you!!!, Oh wow! I didn’t know it could happen!!!
He hasn’t lost any baby teeth that we know of
Will keep that in mind tho, Glad to see the update and see that it’s just a tooth! Sending lots of care and comfort, hoping it comes in easy for him., We looked for a dentist that could sedate if necessary and didn’t end up needing it. Look for that!, I've also got a 3yo, non-verbal, ASD. He has been chewing a lot, too. He just went to the dentist for the first time last week. I specifically found a pediatric dentist that specializes with ASD/special needs. It was a private room with a couch and cartoons on the tv. He did a lot better than my husband and I expected. He has no cavities and can come back in 6mo to clean and remove some plaque.
We have lots of different toothbrushes and lots of different flavored toothpaste that we keep in our kitchen and his bathroom. We play the toothbrush songs on TV and brush our teeth with him. The dentist said the chewys when needed can be used. Finding out that there were no cavities really put my mind at ease., Our girl does the same sometimes but she does have cavities. I recommend really vetting your dentists. We went with the closest office that said they work with ASD children but the experiences we’ve had have not been met with much patience. Going to have her sedated for a final procedure (X-rays then filling/capping/extraction as needed) with them late April then switching providers., Could he be getting his first adult teeth? Our son is non verbal and lost his first baby teeth just after his 4th birthday and had his first adult teeth coming through not long after.
He went from reluctant but accepting of brushing his teeth to fighting against it as much as he could a few weeks before the first teeth fell out., That may be our last resort! 🥺
I feel so bad for the little guy
It’s so hard for him. We just got over a terrible constipation spell which caused meltdowns as well -and now this., Seeing your comment made me bite the bullet and look for a local dentist! We found a specialist and while we don’t need to go yet, now at least I know where we can go!
Thank you, Thank you!!!, Oh wow! I didn’t know it could happen!!!
He hasn’t lost any baby teeth that we know of
Will keep that in mind tho, Glad to see the update and see that it’s just a tooth! Sending lots of care and comfort, hoping it comes in easy for him.
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Telling my kiddo he has autism
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How do I tell my autistic kid he has autism? What can he understand ? These are questions I grapple with lately. He just turned 5 and was dx as a level II autism just a year ago and is a Gestalt language processor. I know he may have some idea that he’s different than other kiddos. We are a very neuroaffirming household. The word ‘disability’ is not a bad word and we look at his autism as a neurodifference not something to fix or cure . But also he is in speech and communication therapy, occupational therapy and his world is getting bigger and I want him to have the same non apologetic self advocacy skills as anyone else would for his needs outside the home. He’s at an age where he would probably notice kids his age communicate and socialize differently etc.
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My son received an adhd diagnosis when he was 6 (we already knew) and asd at 7 (weren’t totally surprised.)
Dad has adhd* and they’re two peas in a pod. So it went something like this:
You know how you and dad are really good at remembering Mario trivia and you’re so good at puzzles? Well your brains work a little different than moms. It’s something called adhd. It means your brain can do cool and creative things that I can’t understand, and can also make certain things harder like focusing on boring things or remembering complicated directions. So knowing it is cool so mom, dad and your teachers can help you better with the hard stuff.
Then we just updated the conversation with autism. If you don’t have anyone in your kids life who’s ND already you might look up some celebrities he knows that he could identify with.
*and maybe undiagnosed autism, we realized after our sons diagnosis., On mobile, so sorry for my brevity.
We told our son at 5 and it was an extremely affirming and positive experience for our family. He’s “higher functioning”, gestalt language learner, and we love the neurodiversity he brings to our lives.
We took him to a park so we could play and swing - we didn’t want it to feel like a serious “sit down at the table” conversation. He asked some questions and we talked about how we will try to find him adults to help him, like his speech therapist. We also told him if he tells people “I have autism and I’m having trouble understanding” that he will get help and feel strong. He is so good about asking for help now as a 9 year old. We talk about his autism on his own terms, but he’s growing into himself and uses the term with positivity.
Feel free to reach out for support. I’m not an expert, but we seem aligned in our goals and experiences :), There was another post about this recently and someone mentioned these books -
The Superhero Brain: Explaining autism to empower kids (boy) https://a.co/d/7KGTh5I
Some Brains: A Book Celebrating Neurodiversity https://a.co/d/aduXU7X
My son is only 3 so I’ve just bookmarked them for future use :-), My son had a neurodiversity awareness week at his school, came home one afternoon and announced to us ‘I’m autistic’! He recognised all the things the school talked about, in himself. He sees all of it as his superpower so far, and we’ve never once talked about it as a ‘disability’ or as a negative thing. He was 8 at the time. We’ve known long before obviously, but I just wanted you to know it doesn’t have to be a negative of a heavy thing.
Personally I would wait for a bit, but start laying the foundations of how people brains work differently and how some people have enhanced reactions to certain things, etc.
I’m determined to not let his condition be a hindrance to him, and the only way to do that is to always talk about it as simply something different, backed up with lots of examples of how everyone is different in other ways too.
My boy is 10 now and has started seeing how his friends have different lives to him (the social side of things is very hard), and also with his older brother but we just reassure him all the time and try and indulge the things he likes to do too., Our oldest was in Kindergarten, turned 6 the December before, and was diagnosed in March. .
. We never really had to tell him. I think he knew. We openly talked about it. It’s never been a big deal to him. Just like he has auburn hair and brown eyes, he’s autistic and has adhd.
Our second was diagnosed right before he turned 6 and had been having a lot of outbursts. He was kicked out of school. He didn’t understand why he was upset and why no one else was following the rules in class. He was in the room when we got the diagnosis. He literally said “so that’s why”
Our third child was diagnosed a month after she turned 2. She’s never going to know different.
We don’t make a big deal out of it. We’ve explained that autism just means you think differently than other people., Anyone else watch the Pixar short "Float" on Disney+? I think it's a great way to open a convo about people with different and often exceptional abilities and how society may view them/ how parents mess up sometimes because we're worried about our kids. My 3 year old is drawn to this short and wants to watch it over and over, and he always did-- even before we talked about the meaning or I narrated what was happening (it only has one spoken sentence in 8 minutes). It's like it he can see himself in there, can see us in there., We talk about it a lot in a positive light, and talk about the other great people with an autistic brain. Our child thinks autism is great. At first, your child will not understand what it means, but just keep talking about autism., First he’s not an autistic kid. He’s a kid with autism. When you say autistic kid you’re letting autism define who he is. It doesn’t. He is a kid with autism, Two autistic children. I told my oldest they are no more or less than others, but their brain just works a little differently.
There are also some good books for children. The girl who thought in pictures is a good one. We also got books when they were older, like Rules, and Chester and Gus. My oldest wasn't a fan, but my middle kid, now 9 just went back and read Chester and Gus. It made him so happy because the boy was like him. And this kid doesn't ready anything but history books., My family is a salad bar of neurodiversity lol. I have adhd, dx late at 40 yrs old, two years before his dx. Out of 5 siblings , 3 of us have adhd. My little sister was dx at 30’years old just 6 months after me . There is autism and adhd on Dads side of the family too. Suspect grandfather could be autistic (lower support needs - retired physics teacher) and my husband’s sister and mother are most likely adhd., It seems like he's already developed most of the ways that will help him live independently - which is great, Yes thank you !, Thank you for these recommendations !, Oh gosh. My feelings must be close to the surface because I just started crying when he first floats away. They capture what it is to be sensory seeking so well. I’ve never said that to my kid but can totally identify with the dad’s feelings in terms of wanting to protect his kid from any judgement. My kiddo is also a total escape artist. lol. He might as well be flying - he climbs everything including the roof several weeks ago (he got past the child locks on the window) and he loves swings. His pediatrician was like ‘normally I give parents a spiel about seatbelts etc but something tells me you encounter things I may not even think of. lol.
Thank you for recommending . I will show it to him., Please go spend some time learning what a lot of, if not the majority of autistic (yes, autistic) adults have to say about this., No. In fact it is entirely the opposite of what you state. Please educate yourself on why the majority of the autistic community prefer identity first language over person first language. Autism is widely regarded as a central and core part of many autists identities. Autism is not an illness or disease to be cured and my child can no more separate it from who they are anymore than their eye color. I will not argue this. https://autisticadvocacy.org/about-asan/what-we-believe/, Yeah, it's a tearjerker. I love them soaring at the end. I love that the dad finds a way to repair and to make it right. It's a great short.
All of the Disney shorts are great! No talking, all music/mood and analyzing facial expressions. I've been narrating them for my kids for a while, just saying what characters are thinking/ feeling or explaining situations. It captivates them!
(Favorites are Bao, Feast, Nonna, Lou, Piper, Far From the Tree, Kit Bull (with a serious CW for animal abuse)), I think you missed the point of this., What point? That allistics should decide for autistics what they should be called to make themselves feel better?, Okay that woman ( or man). You’re nothing as you are saying these children with autism are nothing. They are NOT autistics. That’s not even a thing! Sheesh some people have the snarfs of a rock
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The human body
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My son who is 7 about turn 8 has recently discovered himself. My husband and I have walked in on him countless times now exploring it and we have told him not to. He has since started doing it everywhere. Watching tv in the family room in front of siblings, in the car on the way to school and lots of public places.
I’m not sure what route to take here being he’s is my only son and the first to do anything with their body.
What advice do any of you have on how I can get him to stop without shaming him and also make it something he can understand.
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My personal take is that privates are private, so anything involving the privates should be only done in private.
Depending on their understanding, I would explain to my child that acts with the privates in public are a crime. Sounds extreme, but I'd want them to know that this should be a private act and has to become one., To be clear, do you want him to stop touching himself or stop touching himself in public/ around others?, "private parts are for private" is what I say, My kids are not to that stage just yet.. but I don’t think telling him “not to” will necessarily do anything. I think kids go through explorative stages. If I could just recommend sexpositive_families on Instagram, they have so much information on teaching your kids about their bodies/ consent/ etc. There are a lot of books they recommend. Maybe they have a post or a book that could help with the idea of our private parts being private? Just thought it might help, good luck!, In public what he does in his alone time is his business as long as he’s safe of course. I just can’t find the right words that are clicking with him
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The mom who always cries.
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Is anyone else the mom or dad or caregiver who always cries? At the drop of hat when I’m caring for my son it’s like the flood gates just open.
I took my son to the dentist this morning because his crown fell off that was just put on 3 weeks ago. I already feel so much guilt for the state his teeth are in, but we do our best at home with brushing and flossing and getting him to his routine check ups. Brushing is definitely a struggle for us though. His aggression increases, my anxiety and blood pressure go sky high. It’s always such a battle to get this daily routine done at night.
All the hygienist did was suggest I start flossing his teeth more often and asked me how I’m brushing his teeth. I tried not to let my eyes well up, but it happens anyway. I just break down crying about how hard this routine is for us every single day and that I’m trying my best. She was I think floored by my strong reaction and asked if there’s anyone that can help me at home. She asked if siblings are willing to help encourage him. That’s a big no. They’re very unwilling to help because how my son becomes aggressive so often towards them. And there’s resentment building in them because my son takes up soooo much of my time and sooo much attention away from them. I’m spread so thin.
So a simple question about brushing and flossing put me to tears and I’m just so exhausted from being the mom who always cries. I feel like there’s a lack of understanding how these daily living routines are so traumatizing to a family when they’re such a struggle and how it just snowballs to everything else.
I’m just in a low spot right now. I’m already stressing about how summer is going to go when they’re all home from school all day. It’s virtually impossible to get anything accomplished even on a good day. And being self-employeed makes it the weight ten times heavier. Because you have to be there for both your kids and your livelihood.
Anyway, just wanted to vent.
Edit: On a funny/side note I just want to add that my bf and I have coined a term for this. We call it chronic cry eye. So many commercials about chronic dry eye we figured it was fitting.
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I cry everyday basically. My emotional fuse is just fried now. It takes one little comment and I'm a puddle of tears., I'm also a crier, it stinks. I wish I could disconnect my tear ducts sometimes. Those moments when a professional casually gives advice that seems reasonable but is utterly unreasonable and to explain why it is so unreasonable makes me sound unhinged... those are cry-worthy moments.
You are stressed because this is stressful. It might be worth talking to your doctor about anxiety/depression meds that can help.
My son works on teeth brushing in ABA. I wonder if OT could also work on it., [deleted], It’s a lot of build up going on while your ability to hold it in is getting smaller while the things just keep piling on. I know first hand.
Take care of yourself. It’s hard. I try to maintain a healthy diet, sleep at the very min 7 hours, cardio and weight lift at least 4x a week. Been doing a little self-reflection/journaling which has been nice. Also setting up some time to talk to a therapist as well. These are all investments in time but I believe they will enable me to help my son and not be a constant mess. Or at least so reactive to situations.
I wish you and your family the best., I cry when I'm angry. I cry when I'm happy. I cry when I see a cute baby kitten. I cry when I experience any strong emotion, honestly. It's SO HARD because people look at you like you're insane for experiencing human emotions. Zoloft helps. ETA: I took mine to the dentist once. And it will never happen again, I am too traumatized. And nobody else can/will take her because they don't want to witness the catastrophe either. So I just try not to think about it., I'm a chronic crier. *Hugs*, First, it's okay to cry.
An example being my mother. We had a elderly family member pass away suddenly last week. I notified another aunt and she hung up crying.
My mother said, "Oh man, I wish I could cry like that. I'm not a crier and it stinks. I just get anxious and sweaty."
You're doing just fine. I think some kids can be more prone to cavities for many reasons, like medicines they take or health conditions they have. The hygienist was just making sure that you are "controlling things that can be controlled," like good brushing habits and drinking water instead of juice or pop.
In the moment, crying is spontaneous. Let it happen and don't be embarrassed., I feel you. Matter fact, i just cried to my bf last night actually…and yesterday was honestly a magnificent day, im just THAT spread thin. I cry almost everyday. Mostly at night or while my kid is at school or therapy because if I dare spill out an ounce of negative emotion while he’s with me; everything is guaranteed to go to hell…and I do my very best to not spread my sadness if my boys around. He’s a kid and doesn’t need to worry about me.
I’m a single mom and we haven’t seen his dad in over 3 years. And while my family and friends are so supportive and always cheering for my son, I don’t ask for help much especially with hygienic routines, well because, I simply don’t feel comfortable with that. Traumatic is a very fitting word. As parents, especially of kids with delays or disabilities we have to be constant DOERS, but I never saw the act of constantly “doing” at an abnormal level as being possibly traumatic to me until literally last night when my bf stated it whilst being there for me through my moment.
And idk if you can relate to this one but between school, work, and single parenting my son, and shuttling him to/from school/therapies in between all those things, I’m so desensitized to the abnormal constant “doing” I have to perform from the moment I wake til the moment I close my eyes that I actually get triggered when people who either have no disabilities of their own, have no kids, OR even those who have kids with zero disabilities claim they’re tired or talk about “not having time” for anything. My circumstances aren’t anybody’s fault or problem, sure, but it’s a trigger nonetheless.
What area are you in? Have you by any chance looked into respite through insurance? If we’re near each other maybe we can link up and help each other out somehow. Either way, sending you all the love and strength! You’re not alone., Yes. Also, when you’re spread so thin, you’re crap at everything and no one around you is ever happy. It’s a lose-lose., Not anymore. I've gone numb. Not from my son's behaviors, but by how heartless our inpatient mental health system is., I feel you. I recently decided to see what would happen if I stopped taking my anti-depressant. The answer: Chronic Cry Eye, Oh, momma 💜 It sounds to me like a lot of internalized guilt and a whole lot of pressure. I have definitely been there!
Personally, i got to a point where I realized I could not meet ALL the goals with 100% accuracy, 100% of the time. Some things needed to be removed from my list, and others needed to be adjusted for a lower than perfect acceptance rate. For me, this meant many periods of PT work and meager living.
It helps to determine the “non negotiables”, sometimes on a daily basis. These things must get done. And then you can consider what there is time/energy left for.
I have gotten myself worked up so many times thinking about all the things I should’ve/could’ve done better (like flossing), but if that “spoon” needed to go to work on a particular day so that there’s food on the table, that’s a valid trade off. Maybe your high needs kid *should* spend less time say, on a screen, but this tradeoff might represent 15 minutes you can bond with another kid, or recharge yourself.
You have to make these decisions and then let it go with the trust that you are absolutely doing your best with what you’ve got. All the well-meaning advice in the world cannot tell you what tradeoffs make the most sense for you and your family’s needs.
Dentists think about teeth. They tell you whats best for the teeth. They cannot tell you what is best for you or your kids’ emotional health or the stability of your family., I broke down in front of the speech therapist a few weeks ago. It's frustrating but I just get overwhelmed at any perception of criticism.
I carry a lot of guilt and self blame as well as feeling stressed with the constant fear of the future., Im a crier. But also the dentist and specifically the hygienists make me feel like I’m on the verge of having every tooth in my mouth rot out for not flossing properly or having plague build up…and that makes me feel emotional lol, Yes used to cry ALL the time !!! but now I take Zoloft works wonders !!, You’re not alone., I use to until I realized that these professional that are trying to to help, really can’t or won’t help, it’s not their fault they are just used to neuro-typical kiddo that have normal “ oh I don’t wanna brush my teeth”. They don’t know the daily struggle that asd parent go through with teeth brushing, potty training, and so much more and so their words are just that. Words of someone who doesn’t know what the situation for what it really is, I cry all the time at the drop of a hat. It’s so hard. I don’t know if your son receives OT or any other sort of therapeutic services, but there are options out there that will work with him to desensitize him to things like tooth brushing and whatnot. It took us forever to get a routine for our son (5). I realized one day that he was super into Blippi. Lo and behold, Blippi has a tooth brushing song! From there I found a few other songs and now I let him pick the song he wants me to brush his teeth to, then when it’s over he picks another song and brushes his teeth himself. Regardless, don’t feel bad or guilty. You are doing your best., It's very rare for me to cry nowadays, most days are very traumatic and stressful with my youngest and it's kind of a new normal for me to just contain that all and deal with the situation
I work it out at the gym or at home when the kids are at school, YES! Thank you for posting this! Raising my son with autism can be SO hard and stressful, and I cry pretty much once every week-two weeks! And I am very stressed about the summer!
My saving grace has been respite and my parents., I used to be crier. flood gates open all the freaking time! But then came the period where I stopped crying. That was not bad. But problem is I learned to not cry at all, and that made me bottle up al my feelings and emotions. But lately it is getting so overwhelming that I’m again back to being a crier. I hate it., I'm glad I'm not the only one! I hardly ever cried before I started struggling to parent my kids. I almost cried at our nature center today for no reason! Ugh, I hope it gets better. 😫, I’m a dad who secretly cries a lot. Not usually about his struggles as much though, more so just about things that remind me of the overwhelming love I have for him and his siblings. Maybe for women being this way is more a natural state of being, idk. But for me and I’m assuming many other men it had to be learned. I was so cold and emotionless about mostly everything pre kids. Now I’m fighting off being a puddle every time I watch some heartwarming kid related tik tok vid., [deleted], Your username is the best by the way and yes to everything you stated!, I’ve been considering getting back on meds for myself. I’ve been doing well without them the last 3 years, but I feel the need coming back I think.
We’ve tried the ABA thing. It was not a great fit for my son unfortunately. I’d like to try again in the future. Our attempt at it made him more and more escalated the rest of the evening. That was the worst 6 months of my life. Maybe it was the therapy or the schedule…. Who knows since he can’t really tell us., We sound like the same person. I want to cry a lot of times seeing other children have typical and appropriate interactions. It hasn’t happened yet but I’m sure it will. I very much resonate with your comment., I sobbed watching the Barbie movie wondering if I’ll ever be able to play Barbies with my daughter 😭, I totally agree with you’re feelings about other parents who don’t have time to do stuff but have NT kids….. like stfu lol. I have a hard time even having friends anymore because honestly I feel some type of resentment or envy of other families without similar struggles. I know each family has their own problems and someone else’s problems could look easier than mine. But that doesn’t ease the burden of what this is like day in and day out., I should consider getting back in mine, I can't remember who it was and I don't feel like Googling, but I heard a female comedian describe herself before antidepressants as "walking around like an open wound" and I was like OMG THAT'S EXACTLY IT., Neither are you if you’re one of us. ❤️, I agree. They get to deal with these struggles and go home and leave it at work and sleep well at night. We never get to. I feel like people just don’t get it unless they have skin in the game or very very close to someone in the thick of it, I disagree. I do not believe the hygienist was over stepping. I think it’s a reasonable to question resources available at home. Many times nurses and healthcare professionals have been able to suggest additional resources available for my son when they sense I don’t have enough help. She didn’t come at it in an aggressive manner suggesting the his siblings HAVE to help. Some siblings are super willing and helpful. It doesn’t hurt to ask. But I know mine aren’t and it is what it is. It’s not their responsibility to do it.
My son has had to be put under for several dental procedures up to this point. My son hasn’t let anyone in his mouth since he started to the dentist which is why his teeth are in the state they are. We’d take him to cleanings every 6 months hoping each time would get better. But it hasn’t. And here we are with multiple crowns, fillings, sealants and extractions during his last appointment. So I get where you’re coming from. This was the first time he let the dentist in his mouth without any sedation.
I should be celebrating this as a huge success because it is. But all I was saying is how I feel vulnerable as a parent who is trying their best, but it doesn’t show when he’s at the dentist. Not faulting the hygienist at all because she was nothing short of compassionate towards me during my cry sesh., ABA is not for everyone, certainly. If it wasn't play-based and child-led, that's something you could look into. I'm suspicious of any therapy that makes kids emotionally upset and dysregulated, so that sounds like getting out of there was 100% for the best. In general, any therapy where a kid has to "earn" their basic needs- sensory needs, food, water, and play, I don't think is good.
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Meds have helped me be less reactive., Getting back on anti-anxiety meds really helped me. I still cry often but not like at every tiny upsetting event. I also restrict upsetting things in my life, I mean those I can control. So only happy books, happy TV shows and much less news for me., Something I learned from my kiddos IEP on Friday was that he was very very food motivated with specifically mini Hershey bars. I put it to the test today. I’ve been working on not eating with his hand because he eats *everything* with his hands and he doesn’t always eat at the dinner table (this have gotten way way better over the last year) and makes a pretty big mess. Well today I made Mac and cheese for dinner. Grabbed a mini chocolate bar. I asked him to take one bite with the spoon and immediately gave him the chocolate. He cried and wasn’t happy but he got a reward that I’ll slowly break down with more bites less chocolate. This method (or similar doesn’t have to be candy) may work for your kiddo with teeth brushing just to get into the routine of brushing without the aggression. Start with just 10 seconds of brushing and reward, if they hit kick bite, start the 10 seconds over. I also learned about what my kiddos school calls a token board. And it uses PECS to say for example one square says *first* and then you could have a pec of brushing teeth and then another square that says *then* with a reward be it screen time, candy or food they really like.
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Thinking about getting a pet but my autistic son is terrified of animals…
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I’m not sure what to do. I’m really thinking about getting a dog or a cat for companionship at home. I’m recently single, and have been battling severe depression for years. I love my son with all my heart, and don’t want to hurt him. I’m a single dad, and with my parents help I provide for my son.
But he’s so scared of animals. Even my parents cat he’s afraid of. He’s gonna be 6 next week, he’s on the spectrum, and I’m just scared he won’t adjust.
What kind of advice does anyone have for me…? I’m leaning more towards he’ll get used to the pup or cat being around but…I also don’t want to damage him. I’m scared.
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Please don’t get your child a pet if they’re scared of them., If he’s terrified of animals, then don’t get an animal. I’m sorry., The best thing to do is don’t get a pet., Dude, no. This sounds like a bad idea. He needs to conquer the fear first., You can try to get him comfortable with an animal but if he doesn't warm up to any, then you just don't get a pet. Sorry to be blunt but parenting sometimes means sacrifices. That's true whether your kid is autistic or not.
You could maybe see how he feels about animals that stay in a cage? Like hamsters or rats. Maybe if they're small and there's a barrier between him and the animal. But if he isn't ok with that... then you just don't get a pet., Nope, get a virtual pet. Absolutely don’t get a real pet.
We have a chill amazing pre baby dog. My ASD child has screamed so many times because the dog sniffed him. (Our dog sleeps 18 hrs a day, doesn’t bark, doesn’t care if you take his food, toys or bed.) He is also low shedding and doesn’t get on furniture unless he thinks we are completely gone. FYI for the dog lovers out there our dog loves the children despite them being hairless puppies that took forever to finally walk. He also really loves their leftovers and is happier than he was pre kids…
Even the absolute best pet will increase the drama. Our dog feels like a ton of work because of the high needs., maybe get a fish tank?? Some of my students with ASD really enjoy watching fish swim, might be something about the colors and the way they move., Fish? I’m working on setting up a tank., Can you do something else like regular meet-up with friends, etc? I'm a single parent with a kid on the spectrum so I can empathize. But please don't do something which will agonize your son. What if your son just can't tolerate it? How will you then rehome the pet?, My local county shelter uses foster homes for cats and has a program where you can take a dog home for a weekend. You could try something like that to see if a few days or weeks of exposure would get him over the fear, and if not it’s a short term commitment. My kid likes cats because we’ve always had one but she’s still a little apprehensive about them. Dogs are an absolute no go, even adorable little fluffy ones. Dogs tend to be energetic and unpredictable and I don’t think she’d warm up to them even with a lot of exposure (at least not now at age 6.) If the pet is for him rather than you, he might prefer something he can look at like a lizard or fish., Perhaps you could bring you son to help pick out the pet and see if he takes to any in particular., Maybe start with something small and more docile? And let your son pick it out? Like maybe you could go with a hamster, chinchilla, bunny rabbit, etc. And then work your way up to cats and dogs, Slightly different tactic here - maybe bring them to the zoo or aquarium (anything with small critters) and see if they are drawn to anything in particular. For my son it's goats, mice and turtles.
Maybe they'll like smaller animals that are caged or in a terrarium and you can start there? That's only if a pet like that works for you too.
But...like others have said.... Don't get something your kid is afraid of. Growing up we couldnt have cats or dogs because my little sister was allergic. It sucked, but thats what we had to do, Have 2 autistic kids, one of whom desperately wanted a dog and another who was afraid.
We got a puppy.
3 years on, 'terrified' adores the dogs (plural) and they love her. It took about 48hrs. Puppies just can't be terrifying, they're too adorable and small., My daughter is also scared of most animals. She does a lot better when she can observe the animal in a contained place (ie there is a barrier between her and the animal so the animal can't get to her). Maybe try that first? She actually got to the point of really liking my in-laws and my mom's dogs (both sets of grandparents are dog lovers) but in both cases they were very careful to keep the dogs in a separate area from her where she could see them but didn't have to worry about them getting too close.
Maybe there is a way for you to test this first? (at a pet shop or something) before actually getting an animal. I'd try repeated short periods of controlled exposure to an animal and see if that helps him get more comfortable., My neurotypical son was terrified of animals when he was younger. Like hard to function in society terrified. We ended up getting a small dog in an effort to acclimate him. It actually worked and he is fine with pretty much all animals now. That said, I don't know how ASD would play into that scenario - the fears might be more ingrained (our ASD son could stand to be a little more afraid of dogs, as he messes with them too much)., My son is 3 and autistic. My problem is he lovesssssss dogs. He doesn’t care how big the dog is. One day we were talking a walk in the neighborhood and he sees a huge dog and starts to want to go towards it. He has 0 fear. I was definitely thinking about getting him his own dog but would definitely need to teach my son how to be gentle first because the dogs he has been around he couldn’t keep his hands off of the dog., My son is 12, and always told me he hates dogs (not exactly the same but....) he said if I got a dog he just wanted nothing to do with it.... the moment I brought home the puppy he fell in love with her!, If you want a pet get a Fish, I feel you. My older two children live away from home now and I’m single, so it’s usually just me and my son and he stays to himself a lot. I want a dog so bad but he is TERRIFIED of animals. I refuse to traumatize him further than he already is, though, so I just deal with the loneliness by writing or playing on my phone.
I am trying hard to show him tons of examples of sweet and loving animals. I’m praying that someday he’ll learn that not all animals want to bite or scratch, and one day I can get a pet, but for now it’s not going to happen. I have to put my son’s needs ahead of mine., Best to accept that you will not be getting a pet. It’s not worth it, if your child has a fear of them. There are other outlets/ways to deal with what you are going to. Many hobbies or new activities to look into that could help. Maybe even stuff both you and you child enjoy. Good luck., What about an animal that is happy in an enclosure? Like a fish tank with some fish? He might enjoy watching them swim. I know it’s not the same as cuddling a dog or cat, but it’s something., I would work on getting him to go to a pet store, If you are truly set on a dog... I highly reccomend calling local shelters. You can explain your situation and they can work with you. You could also foster to adopt, so that way there is no commitment if things are just not fitting. We did this with our Rottweiler. My daughter typically only likes animals from afar. But she helped pick out our dog. We did 2 weeks of fostering before we said yes to the adoption., Your home should be your child’s safe space. You cannot get a pet at the moment, I’m sorry dude but it’s a terrible idea. It will only cause stress and heartache when you have to give the cat away or put up with constant stress induced meltdowns, Why is he scared of pets? Has he been bitter by a dog? How does he act around your parents cat? I saw a couple of your comments, one being that he's excited to go to the zoo and see the animals so it doesn't seem like he's terrified of all animals. And second that you live in an apartment. As a person who got a dog while living in an apartment many yrs ago(husband's idea, I was against it), that can be a very bad idea especially with a high needs son. Dogs are a lot of work, mine for example was more work than my children. He broke apart a couple crates when we tried to crate train him and ate through a bedroom door. He had separation anxiety. We loved the dog and we took good care of him, and thankfully he spent his last yrs in a home with a yard, but apartmentliving was no fun for him. But I can't imagine doing the early puppy years again, meeting the puppies needs while also trying to meet the needs of my high needs kiddo. Cats are much easier though a kitten can be rambunctious too. Depending on why your son isn't fond of pets, he might get used to a calm, low needs lap cat easier than any young or high needs pet. Again, that really depends on why he's scared of pets., This is just gonna end up another animal in a rescue centre or worse your son freaks out at you getting something that YOU KNOW he's petrified of and the animal or your son gets hurt. Volunteer at an animal shelter if you need to be around animals but do not force that on your son. Its highly unlikely to end well, The obvious answer is to not get a pet. If you were scared of animals, you wouldn’t get a pet. Why is he any different? I’m sorry you’re battling depression. Have you been to the doctor? Are you in regular therapy? Are you dating? Do you have a good support network?, I was scared of dogs when I was six until we took care of the dog of a family friend for a few weeks. Absolutely loved him, haven't been scared of dogs since. I'm now even the opposite I love dogs so fucking much. Sometimes exposure therapy works really well. Of course I am just one person and you should try to see with your child's therapist if he has one if this is a good idea., My fam is in a bit of a similar situation. My ASD 7yo is scared of new animals but can acclimate. He doesn’t LIKE them though. My 5yo has serious anxiety, and keeps asking for a dog. We had to rehome our last dog bc of a fam health issue that is better now. She was so traumatized by that and wants a buddy. As do I, desperately. My son has been able to express that he would be happier with a small dog so so he isn’t scared. More convo ensued about what is scary etc. We’re looking at a maltipoo. He understands that other have needs too, thankfully. At least rationally. Unsure of in practice. That said, you have needs too and those needs are so valid!, I'm sorry with what you're going through, but living in fear in the place you consider your safe haven is the absolute worst. I would personally never allow any kind of animal in the house if my son had an irrational fear of it. I'm in my late 30s and have irrational fears with some insects, and if someone I trust were to bring them in the home I would consider that an absolute betrayal, I think OP wants the pet for himself, not the kid. I was thinking that from the title at first too but he says companionship after a divorce., “Hairless puppies that took forever to walk”
That’s such a cute way of describing it. 😊, This would be the best idea., That can definitely backfire though- animals don't act the same constantly, if he's afraid of animals he knows as well, it sounds like more than a little unease. Helping him get used to animals in different settings (some shelters let children visit, for example) might be a better idea., That might be what I do…I met a pup a couple months ago at an adoption event I loved. He’s still available. Considering showing my son him to see what he thinks.., I’d love to, my apartment doesn’t allow them unfortunately…, You know what’s crazy? We’re going to the zoo next weekend for his birthday, and he’s very very excited for it…He’s starting to get along just fine with my parents cat…I’m just not sure. This is all new to me…trying to juggle being a single dad and also working on my needs too…it’s hard…, Ahhh that’s true. In the great spectrum of things, it’s quite selfish to want a pet but it seems forceful to bring one into the home. Unfair for both pet and child., I can see you’re a caring, loving dad just because you are asking for advice (and hopefully doing a little research on the side).
I know it can get super lonely being a single parent, but we kinda owe it to our kids to not traumatize them.
Please try this thought experiment: You said he’s terrified of animals. What are you terrified of? Do you want to learn how to live with that terror every day, or would it save you insurmountable stress by not having to live with what terrifies you. Add to that the young age and ASD…well, you could be asking too much.
If you’re dead set on it, then please don’t rush it. Maybe watch some videos together about pets, take him to a shelter (just to look), or even get a pretend pet, like a stuffed animal or whatever you want to choose and work from there., The apartment allows dogs and cats, but not hamsters? That’s unusual., They’re an ass backwards kinda place, I wish I was kidding., Oh man, sorry about that. Good luck making your decision. Just put your son first; I know you will., Always! He’s the light of my life. He’s always #1 to me.
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This concerns me
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Hi all! This is my son. He’s 18 months. He’s getting tested for ASD in about 6 weeks.
Is this play “lining things up”? Did your children with autism play like this?
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This can be completely normal. I was a preschool teacher for many years, most kids line things up and can be neurotypical. Are there other symptoms of ASD?, Merely lining up toys is not by itself a sign of autism. Instead it’s only doing that instead of other kinds of play or interactions with family and friends ., it looks appropriate in this context considering cones are supposed to be lined up
i don't think this is a very good example of what you think this might be. if you're trying to look for the possibility of lining up toys, you should see if he's doing the same with toys or other objects not typically played by lining them up, I think you should be happy that something simple and harmless can help your child regulate himself. Not concerned., It is interesting that he's repeatedly ordering correctly by colour spectrum., and when one is harder to fit into the space, he starts a new sort.
No idea if its indicative of ASD, but please, I cannot make this next sentence fill your whole screen... Keep your kid well supplied with art materials always within easy reach and see what happens, it might be awesome.
Coloured pencils and paper are pretty furniture safe., Hard to judge based on this, but yes, compulsively lining up items is a common trait., You know what, my little man is quite possibly somewhere on the asd spectrum but he's not been assessed yet. At first I was kind of heartbroken that he isn't "typical".
Even though he's still not assessed, I think me and mum know somethings amiss. It's only made us love him even more.
I hope it goes OK for you and we send our love to your family and beautiful little boy.
No matter what the outcome, he's a gift isn't he. ❤️, I would have loved for my son to have been able to do that, at that age. Sometimes you have to remember things could always be way worse. Not trying to make light of your concerns, just adding a little perspective., Lots of kids without ASD do this. Just FYI if it helps., [deleted], He needs 2 more pylons so he can make the line go all around himself! Love him fiercely, If the lining up is your only concern, I wouldn’t fret too much. Our son did similar, especially hot wheels , and if you took a car away he’d get upset. But there were a myriad of other markers as well. He has some cousins that love lining stuff up too and they are not ASD.
Aka I’m unhelpful haha. Keep carrying on!, Lining stuff up, along with a bunch of other stuff is a behavior that *can* be a sign of autism but is *also* something normally developing kids do. If it's combined with a bunch of other concerning behaviors sure I'd worry but if he just likes to play this way I wouldn't panic., My daughter (asd) does play like this but at that age had lots of other signs too....no words, no gestures, never responded to her name. She did have good eye contact though.
With that said, my NT niece sometimes lines things but she also pretend plays, has lots of words, lots of gestures etc.
So while it can be a sign, the other signs in combination would be more concerning. If that was the only sign I wouldn't be too concerned. Always good to get into intervention early though if it's needed., He looks happy and healthy and he could use a couple more cones to encircle himself. Be kind to yourself while you wait. It’s hard., [deleted], Thank you to everyone for being so nice!!! Reddit can be a scary place sometimes but you all really helped me!!!!, Being up your concerns at his 24 month appointment with the pediatrician and you can have his assessed. My son does this and has many of the traits you mentioned and was given an ASD diagnosis. But please remember ASD is a spectrum and there are many things my son does that are NT. He has great social skills and is a great sleeper., Run a finger along one side of his lower back, if he curls toward the side you rubbed, he likely has autism. Galant reflex is a reflex infants have that helps with birthing and is usually gone by 6 months old. Autistic people can retain the reflex for life, so it makes a decent indicator, they're other reasons the reflex would stick around, though, so it's not conclusive on its own., This could be considered lining things up, but this alone wouldn't make me think ASD. The good news is you have a video so it'll be easy for the experts to judge how to classify it., My son has done this since he was small. Back and forth lining up toys. It can be autism but it also can be typical. Talk to your doctor about it, otherwise they will speak to you about any concerns at his assessment., My ASD kiddo didn’t really line stuff up until he was 4 years old., I worried about the lining up things question at first, when I asked my daughter's developmental specialist and he had stated that the concerns about lining up play comes when its constant and with just about anything and everything.
Like he said while lining up cars can be a warning sign, it depends on how often it's occurring compared to how the child plays with the cars in another way. And it becomes more of a flag when it's lining up things constantly.
Like for my daughter, her lining up things became a sign of her being autistic because whenever she had more than 3 things of the same item she would line them up. So her bows, stickers , cars, food and just about anything.
Autism is one of those things where the biggest struggle is how different it can look for every person.
Like my daughter and I are both autistic and while I have some similarities with our traits, we have a lot of differences as well., Your son is absolutely adorable and asd or not he is still your little boy., I have a 5 year old son with ASD, he never did this. He was non-verbal for a while, and tended to hyperfixate on things with periodic motion. I also have a 2 year old daughter who is very advanced for her age, highly verbal, and engaging in lots of pretend play and other age appropriate activities, and she lines all her toys up. Lining toys up alone is not an indicator of ASD.
Trust that the evaluation will provide you with some clarity, and you can work from there. Knowing more about your child is an empowering thing, and you can begin to learn about and deploy strategies in your relationship with him that will better connect with who he is., My son didn’t do this until a couple years after he got diagnosed. I figured out that he uses the colors of things to correlate with characters of tv shows.
For example, if he wants to create a scene from pj masks, he’ll use blue red and green markers, bottles, books, or whatever is available. If I point to a red marker in his lineup and ask him “who’s this?” he’ll respond “owlette”…or whatever character it may be in that moment., My 3 year old has ASD and he lines up everything…he almost has to., My son has only recently started lining up some toys at 3.25. He likes making number lines in particular, but also lines of ducks. However, it isn't necessarily a sign of autism. It is a common play schema called the positioning schema: https://www.famly.co/blog/positioning-play-schema-activities#:~:text=A%20%27positioning%27%20play%20schema%20will,the%20positioning%20schema%20in%20actionlp
With the other signs, I would definitely pursue evaluation., Looks like he is having fun!
Things in play that are concerning include playing with parts of toys and lack of imaginative play.
Like if your son hasn’t started pretending to feed toys. Plays with the wheels on the cars instead of the car., Why does it concern you? You have a whole Reddit family dedicated to the same welcome to the club 😂
https://preview.redd.it/45vjh71i3ghc1.png?width=3024&format=png&auto=webp&s=54d07871b2d80770b485cb003ca5e97b84deeea0, My oldest has Asperger’s. (They don’t call it that anymore but he was diagnosed during the dsm iv days.). He would do everything you said. Loved wheels. Lining things up. Just kind of in his own world.
Does he stim? This can look like a lot of things… hopping, hand flapping, rocking, patting, tapping, etc.
I would say he may be on the spectrum but heads up OP, it’s all going to be ok. 👌 These kids, while they can be difficult (I have three boys all on spectrum.. my youngest is nonverbal) they also teach us a lot. It’s not roses and rainbows, but it’s all going to be alright. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. My three boys are all very different. I love them each to pieces, and sometimes they piss me off I wish I could explode into a million pieces lol., This is completely normal, my son was lining 100s of cars in 60 perfect degree when he was 3..., Yes this is exactly what my son with ASD would do when he played. Rows of toys. Put it back, take it back out and line it up. Put it back. Take it back out and line it up. Do you ever walk into a room and a row of things has appeared?, Yes! Tip toe walking a few times a day for 1-4 steps, not responding to name most times, not great eye contact, plays with wheels on cars, repetitive pacing, spinning (only 2-5 rotations), He does the same with crayons and balls! But yes I see what you mean, Yes! Great point!, Wow! Good catch!!!, Thank you for saying that!, Yes! I understand this. My brother is special needs (cerebral palsy, nonverbal, etc) so I know a lot there but not autism…ASD is new to me!, I know. The waiting is hard. We are paying out of network for assessment because in network had us on a 28 month waitlist!!!!, Hahaha thank you!, There are a few…I commented in the thread a few times. Tip toe walking, repetitive pacing, not responding to name, not the best eye contact, etc
Thanks!, Buying more cones today! Hahaha, I don’t think I am at all! I don’t think being concerned is bad at all…if my son has autism it could be one of the most beautiful things about him!
Thank you!, What?!, We got the occasional tip toes, sometimes not responding to name, and eye contact is so so, Thank you!!! ❤️, We have one scheduled for next month! I didn’t know about the positioning schema. I am going to check it out! Thank you!, My son ended up getting diagnosed with autism level 1! Which I think would have been Asperger’s!, Father of an autistic boy and girl here; one of those traits I wouldn’t think twice about, but cumulatively, I would suspect they are on the spectrum. For what it’s worth, skills can be developed and strengthened with therapies. Early intervention is effective., It’s too early to know, but as time goes on over the next year, you’ll get a sense of things. Any one of those is pretty normal for a kid that age. The one you probably want to keep the closest eye on is not acknowledging when you speak or failure to ever make eye contact., These are all autism red flags. Doesn’t mean your son has it, but it’s good you are getting him evaluated., How his speech?, Sounds like he’s on the spectrum, Sounds exactly like my son at this age. He’s autistic almost 4. The wheels, pacing, tip toes, name. How’s his pointing?, My son was diagnosed at 2, is now 5 and is still
Nonverbal.
These were the earliest signs for us., Autism is also a spectrum. Only time will tell how he grows ASD or not.
Regardless of what is going on. Love your son. For the good and the bad. Teach them good principles and guide them as that is what parents should do., He might like a selection of those free colour swatches you get from the paint section of a big hardware store., [deleted], >Hahaha thank you!
You're welcome!, All I can say is how my wife and I did it. If the diagnosis is legitimate, start therapy as soon as you can.
We suspected similar at the same age, nothing wild but some pretty strong suspicions. No words at all at 18 months was the big one, but also limited eye contact with people other than mom and dad. Lots of what I now know is sensory disregulation. He also had little to no “threat detector” in him, he wasn’t afraid or sad if my wife or I were out of sight, stuff like that. Got diagnosed level 2 right before 22 ish months. Started therapy at 24 months.
6 months of therapy and he started hitting major improvement strides. The next three months he doubled his improvement. The month after that he doubled it again. Hell be 3 in January. He is still non verbal, still a lot of sensory sensitivities, but we’re at about 30 “words” he can use in decent context, along with a dozen signs. He can count up to 10, knows his letters colors and animals (thanks iPad).
Hes also happy. Hes learning to play. He’s started to really express affection. A lot more joy all the way around. It’s still super difficult, and a lot of work, but it’s made a noticeable difference so far.
Do your best not to fuss over the future yet., [deleted], Honestly - I’m surprised your getting tested already if this is all. Not saying he isn’t autistic, might be, but 18 or 19 months is early already and he doesn’t seem like the clearest case, For us, the not responding to name and eye contact were the biggest signs. I don’t see anything of concern in that video though. Anecdotally, our NT son did similar stuff like that while our nonverbal son didn’t., not responding to name most times is atypical and the question on the mchat most correlated with an autism diagnosis., This isn’t great advice. It isn’t too early. All those things she mentioned would me markers and would get him on a waitlist for testing., It’s a common misconception that 18 months is too early to know but I am an evaluator and in my line of work we can see it as early as 15 months. Early intervention is key so I’m glad you’re picking on the signs and getting an evaluation done., Saying: hi, yeah, mama, dada, cat, apple, ball
He did regress with waving and blowing kisses, He’s reaching for things but not pointing yet, Thanks for that reminder!, Honestly as a first time mom - pretty much everything concerns me! It’s a tough job! But yes, any diagnosis (or potential) at first can be concerning. For example, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s this year and while yes some parts of it suck and are very concerning, it has introduced me to a lot of amazing people and experiences. But yes I am still very concerned with my diagnosis and that’s OK!
I think it would be odd if I wasn’t concerned. There is a lot of scary/new/interesting stuff happening that is new to me and my family. And I’m still learning as we wait for diagnosis.
I’m feeling very happy I got so much great feedback and insight here! Pretty much everyone here has been very supportive!, He had a positive MCHATR screening, or it could be a hearing problem, For sure, but some NT 18 month old kids don’t reliably do it at that age. They’re still babies and some of them get very focused on whatever is in front of them and tune mom and dad out., That is good! I would honestly bring up concerns to a pediatrician bc that is still delayed and by 2 they should be saying 100-200 words. You might not get a diagnosis this early but you can definitely get therapies through insurance.
Mention all forms of regression. I wish I would have brought up my concerns earlier tbh, Work hard on making connections with your son and him with other people too. If he is autistic the connections he makes now are essential and will make it easier down the road. The hardest time for most is coming to terms with the diagnosis, after a year the world is a lot brighter., Yeah ours did too around 18mo and that’s what helped us qualify for early intervention. By me (CT, USA) it’s rare to have a formal evaluation before 3yo. My son had a few more red flags at this age.
Nothing negative about an early diagnosis - the earlier you know for sure the longer you know how to help him learn in general and depending on where you’re from - better access to useful services, He did have ear tubes put in!, So far just the waving and blowing kisses are the signs of regression!
He’s 18 months so I’m hoping he can learn more words by 2 years! It’s hard because he had so many ear infections and ear tubes and I wonder if that’s the cause of the speech delay!, How is your son doing now?, We have him in speech as well and they explained to us that if you are able to get testing early - then you should! So we are going off that! I also couldn’t sit around and worry for years, you know?, My son had that too! And I thought the same thing. He had 4 sets of tubes by 4yrs old and his speech did not improve however he regressed all words by 18 months so it’s different situation for sure. His may be ear related I would still bring up concerns so you don’t have any regrets, I hear ya. Good luck and regardless of the outcome he’s still the same little guy before and after diagnosis. The only thing that changes is your understanding of how he’s interacting with the world and how you can help a bit better.
Advice - Don’t stress and ask the internet if this or that means autism. If you have the eval coming up just get mentally prepared. People react very differently. I mourned a bit and then sunk myself into research and media about autism. My wife started watching more TikTok’s from parents with autistic kids. You end up immersed in this world if you’re the type (which you are since you are here right now!). Just spend the next few weeks enjoying being a parent without the extra label., This is good advice. It’s a lot of anxiety and worry right now for sure!
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Thoughts on son-rise model?
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Has anyone done a deep dive or pursued the son-rise model? I’m a bit skeptical for a few reasons but can find many resources about it.
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This is being flagged as an MLM/Scam, Anything that claims “full recovery” / “cure” is a scam, full stop. The premise is wrong., I remember looking into it at one point, but it sounded like Floortime with different branding and a much higher price point. I am a huge advocate for Floortime, especially since the books are cheap or available at the library, and the techniques are very easy to implement. My kid responds well to them., It's laughable. "Showing them the way out"? What?, The techniques have been massively helpful to me, I haven't been on the courses, just read a couple of the books., That’s what put me off. The focus on relationship building is great but to offer it as a cure is scientifically impossible and wrong., Hello, which books have you come across ? I’m trying to find a way to interact with my daughter, but whenever I start talking or singing she just puts her hand on my mouth. Not sure how am I ever going to able to follow and implement any techniques…silently ?! I’m at a loss 😳, Yes! Major red flag.
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Throwing things...
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My 3 year old (presumed autistic) son likes to throw things. Usually clumps of dirt on walks at me. And inside the house his toys only sometimes. We did teach him how to throw the ball for the dog so I'm thinking that may have something to do with it. Recently broke my father's 65 inch tv. That was fun. I've noticed tho that everytime I tell him no he goes to get something to throw it at me. My EI therapist told me to hold his arms and tells him no and then ignore the behavior. Barely works. Is this an autistic thing or a spoiled thing? Yes he is spoiled rotten by everyone in the house he is the baby. Now we are experiencing the repercussions... any advice please!
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My 6yo does this, I'm waiting to see the responses here.
He was pissed at me Wednesday morning because it was time to get ready for school. He ripped off his soaked pull up and threw it across the room. Luckily it went over the TV and landed behind it!, It’s a 3yo thing. Keep redirecting the behavior., Our son did this around that age, threw everything he could get his hands on. Redirect them to throw appropriate things, like stuffed animals or something safe that won't do any damage/harm. You can't stop the urge to throw, but you can offer safe alternatives to alieviate the urge, then eventually they will grow out of it. Our son eventually stopped having the urge to throw things all the time and now only does it occasionally and with appropriate objects, Does he have speach?, Very much, and I ask him to use his words, but in those rage moments, there's no reasoning, That's great tho. No speach from my 3 year old yet. Just babbles and noises. When did he get speach and what level is he if you don't mind me asking? Just trying to get insight for the future., Level 1, ADHD too, he does not stop from the moment his eyes open!
He started talking on time and had a BIG vocabulary. He started reading, like words on packages and boxes, a few months before his 3rd birthday.
He was diagnosed last August, a month after his 6th birthday., My 6yo does this, I'm waiting to see the responses here.
He was pissed at me Wednesday morning because it was time to get ready for school. He ripped off his soaked pull up and threw it across the room. Luckily it went over the TV and landed behind it!, It’s a 3yo thing. Keep redirecting the behavior., Our son did this around that age, threw everything he could get his hands on. Redirect them to throw appropriate things, like stuffed animals or something safe that won't do any damage/harm. You can't stop the urge to throw, but you can offer safe alternatives to alieviate the urge, then eventually they will grow out of it. Our son eventually stopped having the urge to throw things all the time and now only does it occasionally and with appropriate objects, Does he have speach?, Very much, and I ask him to use his words, but in those rage moments, there's no reasoning, That's great tho. No speach from my 3 year old yet. Just babbles and noises. When did he get speach and what level is he if you don't mind me asking? Just trying to get insight for the future., Level 1, ADHD too, he does not stop from the moment his eyes open!
He started talking on time and had a BIG vocabulary. He started reading, like words on packages and boxes, a few months before his 3rd birthday.
He was diagnosed last August, a month after his 6th birthday., My 6yo does this, I'm waiting to see the responses here.
He was pissed at me Wednesday morning because it was time to get ready for school. He ripped off his soaked pull up and threw it across the room. Luckily it went over the TV and landed behind it!, It’s a 3yo thing. Keep redirecting the behavior., Our son did this around that age, threw everything he could get his hands on. Redirect them to throw appropriate things, like stuffed animals or something safe that won't do any damage/harm. You can't stop the urge to throw, but you can offer safe alternatives to alieviate the urge, then eventually they will grow out of it. Our son eventually stopped having the urge to throw things all the time and now only does it occasionally and with appropriate objects, Does he have speach?, Very much, and I ask him to use his words, but in those rage moments, there's no reasoning, That's great tho. No speach from my 3 year old yet. Just babbles and noises. When did he get speach and what level is he if you don't mind me asking? Just trying to get insight for the future., Level 1, ADHD too, he does not stop from the moment his eyes open!
He started talking on time and had a BIG vocabulary. He started reading, like words on packages and boxes, a few months before his 3rd birthday.
He was diagnosed last August, a month after his 6th birthday., My 6yo does this, I'm waiting to see the responses here.
He was pissed at me Wednesday morning because it was time to get ready for school. He ripped off his soaked pull up and threw it across the room. Luckily it went over the TV and landed behind it!, It’s a 3yo thing. Keep redirecting the behavior., Our son did this around that age, threw everything he could get his hands on. Redirect them to throw appropriate things, like stuffed animals or something safe that won't do any damage/harm. You can't stop the urge to throw, but you can offer safe alternatives to alieviate the urge, then eventually they will grow out of it. Our son eventually stopped having the urge to throw things all the time and now only does it occasionally and with appropriate objects, Does he have speach?, Very much, and I ask him to use his words, but in those rage moments, there's no reasoning, That's great tho. No speach from my 3 year old yet. Just babbles and noises. When did he get speach and what level is he if you don't mind me asking? Just trying to get insight for the future., Level 1, ADHD too, he does not stop from the moment his eyes open!
He started talking on time and had a BIG vocabulary. He started reading, like words on packages and boxes, a few months before his 3rd birthday.
He was diagnosed last August, a month after his 6th birthday.
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Till what age can autism severity change up to? Does it take a long time for it go from one level to the other?
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Sorry if this question sounds rude. I'm just trying to figure out if ABA is even worth it for my son and will help. He's 4.5 and non-verbal.
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Someone once told me that there is a false narrative that early intervention is not successful if it doesn’t lead to independence. For some children, access to early supports is the difference between requiring full assisted living as an adult, or being in a less restrictive group home environment, and those can be vastly different qualities of life. Regardless of whether your child will ever be assessed at a level other than 3, you can make choices now that improve their quality of life later., Intervention will help your son. The parents on this board are rockstars. I work with many autistic families and this board is not representative of the general population. The parents on this board are extremely astute and have gotten their children through the diagnostic and intervention process much faster than your average parent. You too are a rock star for seeking help for your son at the tender age of 4.
You are still ahead of the curve. My son is also 4.5 and he is non verbal. He has been receiving intervention for years. Not being verbal yet doesn’t mean he hasn’t made amazing progress in so many other areas. It’s worth it for your son. Keep going :), My son was diagnosed level 3, but he's progressing well. I was told that after yrs of therapy he should be a level 2, maybe a level 1 if hes very lucky by the time he's an adult. But he will always need some sort of accommodations. Therapy for him is speech and OT, he does need feeding therapy as well. He's also in spec ed. We arent doing ABA simply because he's doing well with what he's already in. I really think it depends on the kid. No 2 kids on the spectrum will be the same even if they are in the same therapy with the same therapist.,
ABA therapy is controversial, you can give it a try if you feel it’s the right thing to do. If it’s not working for your child you can always stop.
Personal opinion ahead:
I believe it can change up until adulthood/maturity.
It’s amazing how neurotypical people are given every excuse in the book until they’re 25. Rob a bank at 17? That’s ok poor little things brain won’t mature for another 8 years.
But god forbid an autistic child isn’t functioning like an adult by the time they’re 4. Any issues and it’s off to ye old asylum for you., My son (diagnosed "level 3") was nonverbal at 3.5 he's now almost 5 and with only OT, Speech, behavioral therapy, & state preschool (1 year in the SPED room, one in the general Ed), and a **lot** of work at home.
He's now using full sentences (pronunciation is still a work in progress), toilets independently, expresses and self regulates his emotions on a semi-frequent basis, and at his pre-k IEP meeting, we've established that next year he's going to a shared para with the intention of slowly letting him be independent, and he's basically graduated from OT. He continues to make progress every day, and absolutely struggles every day (don't we all tho lol)
I thought he would never be to this point, particularly because he regressed really hard speech wise as a toddler (went from a dozen+ words to non-verbal for over a year).
I feel like we owe to our kids to give them as many tools to succeed in life as we possibly can, maybe it looks differently than our lives or what we had planned but that's ok if we can help them live happy lives. Your kid deserves the best chance they can get, imo. , I’ve heard that usually by 7 or 8 is when you can tell what the general level will be. It’s not that they stop progressing at this age, but a level 3 or a high level 2 is unlikely to become a level 1 who’s barely detectable by adulthood. 4.5 is still a good age to expose your child to whatever therapies you can since a lot of change can still happen., How a kid is doing can change depending on the environment and the accommodations. Personally I don’t think levels are that helpful for that reason. Any therapy should be focused on the specific needs of your child., My son is now 20. Back when he was diagnosed, there were no levels. You were autistic and that was it. He was non verbal until age 5. Not potty trained until 6. We did all the therapies (OT, PT, play therapy, swim therapy, hippotherapy, ABA) 5 days a week until age 12. He has been in SpEd classrooms his whole life. And guess what? He is a level 3 as a young adult. I often wonder if the therapies actually helped at all or if he would have learned what he has anyway with time and maturity. Not trying to discourage you but I want to keep it real. When he was diagnosed at 3 years old the doctors sold me a bill of goods that he would be “fine”. It was a lie., Not trying to be rude but do you think your child is incapable of learning anything?, There’s no limit in my opinion.
50 years ago kids were put in institutions when they had autism, no other option and written off as hopeless
I watched a movie last week called “a mothers courage” about autism this came out in the early 2000s and I’m shocked how autism was discussed and treated just 20 years ago
Somehow it’s taken us 100 years of medicine to realize the brain is neuroplastic and can change throughout life
The more longitudal studies that come out the more we see autism can change at older and older ages. UC Davis did a study a few years ago that said autism severity changed a lot between 3-6 then they updated the study and said it still changes through 13, I can bet as those kids age they will have a new study saying it changes through 20 and so on
Temple grandin says she feels less autistic every year
My point is, medicine is still growing in this field. What was told 50 years ago is now completely wrong (autism is caused my refrigerator mothers ). I try not to get hung up on ages because of this.
Of course there are some kids who are very severely impacted have genetic issues that cannot be overcome, but if you’re seeing progress in your kids I wouldn’t expect it to come to a screeching halt because they turned a certain age, I don’t necessarily think that autism severity changes drastically in young children, it’s just difficult to measure what their trajectory looks like until they get older., It helped my grandson tremendously. Please try it, you have nothing to lose., I don't know if it will be helpful for your son, but it's absolutely helpful for mine. He's started eating on his own, a little bit of potty training, and coming home with new surprises every day.
I can now somewhat discipline my child when he does something bad by telling him to sit. He's been attempting to brush his teeth and doing much better following directions.
ABA, where I am, has been unbelievably helpful. If I'd left my son home with my apathetic wife, he'd be nowhere close to where he is now, and would probably mindlessly stare at YouTube all day.
My situation is unique. Your mileage may vary. It's important to start young though. Keep your goals realistic too. I went in without any, just knowing that this would be helpful, and god-damn am I lucky to have the ABA team that I do. My son pegs me for attention to the point where I don't have time to think, and somehow they've made such progress without my input or direction. I'm blessed because of them., My son is nonverbal lvl 3. Diagnosed at 3 due to a long wait. He will keep that same level always on paper, because he's non speaking.. He was in ST/OT /PPCD first. 0 results, due to his behaviors. School was a nightmare for everyone. I tried everything from food diets , sensory diet to supplement regimens. I was avoiding AbA since it was so controversial in the ASD community. But then as I kept researching it was the best therapy for him. He did okay but he was still unable to focus and stuff due to his ADHD. Doc added in meds to support therapy. Between ABA and meds he's a different kid . When he was diagnosed there was no joint attention, self regulation, social skills, interest in leisure activity, safety awareness, and the eloping was constant. He would stim for hours if allowed.
Fwd to last year where he's 12. He's amazing. He uses AAC to type to talk. He's in school full day in Spec Ed, but still made honor roll. Loves music, books and walking/hiking the family dogs. He didn't potty train fully till 7 I kept trying on my own again because I was avoiding the intense potty training. But it took that and he's completely restroom independent. His receptive language is amazing. Probably because he's Just in there listening ;taking it all in since he can't speak. And I've always spoken to him like an NT kid, never used baby talk or dumbed down language. Why? The world doesn't speak like that I wanted him to understand what's being said round him. I keep him to to date on teen slang so he knows what's up at school. 🤣
So he's doing amazing I figure I'll get him re tested. Not that he's lost his diagnosis but man he's a different person! Definitely lvl 2 I thought.
Same diagnosis lvl. Till they can vocalize words unfortunately they are going to stay on that level on paper. Because they will need substantial support since they don't vocally speak.
I was sad not for me but for him. All this work and NM wt some people will always only see that he can't do. As a mom it's infuriating and heart breaking at the same time.
So that's it no more testing. We all see his improvement and how hard he's worked. I think the spectrum umbrella is too wide. I hate that my son is under the same umbrella as say an Asperger's person. They are completely different. Grouping them makes both ends of the spectrum high and low lose out on services they should be getting. My hope to see nonverbal ASD stand independently as a diagnosis. You need to be there for his therapy or your partner. ABA can be stressful so as a nonverbal child they need an adult around monitoring. Till they can communicate we are their safe person.
All those book I read when he was diagnosed didn't help. Because they're aimed more for higher lvl kids and preverbal. Only things that helps me understand my boy is reading books by nonverbal autistics. They're life changing.
How can I Speak if my Lips Don't Move ?, Ido in Autismland, and Thinking in Pictures.
ABA saved my son's life and gave him life skills he will use forever. He left ABA this year but I won't hesitate to use them again if necessary. But he's doing great for where he was and where I thought he'd be! When he was small I thought he's going to end up in the mad house when I'm gone. But now he has the skills to be some what independent and communicate. Communication is #1. A lot of behaviors are due to lack of communication. My son started with color photos, PECS didn't register for him too vague. I kept them in a book and he'd give me photos of what he wanted or needed. Then moved up to an app still took my own photos in the apps instead of Pecs images. After a year or two he started understanding the PECS images. So we moved onto an AAC device with LAMP on it. In that app you can type or use the icons. I taught him typing on the computer during COVID. So I tried getting him to type in the app. He loved it so we focused on building that. He's not writing books or anything but he can. Speak for himself and that's all I really wanted. Do the ABA don't expect his lvl to change on paper but he will absolutely change before your eyes. My son started showing great improvement around 7/8. Puberty is bringing some little things back but nothing too severe. Just some stims and repetition. I allow this because I know it's his body way of dealing with the neurological/hormonal changes. I do keep a timer and then distract him with a higher desired activity. But I can't imagine he'd who he is without ABA. Sry so long just really think it's important kids like ours learn life skills(safety/independent skills) and to communicate functionally. ABA saved his life. , This is a problem I have when it comes to the assignment of levels: it isn't explained properly to parents, they hear level 3, and they think "wiping their ass forever, unable to feed themselves or communicate in any way." And for a small proportion, that will be true.
The last figure I saw suggested the median age for potty training is 9 for autistic children.
My perspective will be a little different: we're a multiplex family, and what we know is that in families like mine, autism tends to be less severe than in families where the autism is caused by a spontaneous mutation.
That said, my sons are 6 and 9 and both have a level 3 diagnosis.
My oldest is fully potty trained, he's starting to be conversational with AAC, he's reading at grade level and comprehension seems to be good. He can do basic housework. He is to some degree intellectually disabled. Is he ever going to be fully independent? No. But he could absolutely function as a member of a household with some support.
4 is far too early to give up. NO ONE will know your child like you do. Here are some gems I've heard over the years from professionals...
"Your son is severely intellectually disabled." Then how is he reading and comprehending like he is? Because I taught him.
"Your child is too disabled to learn how to use AAC."
I see it this way: if you give up and your son doesn't progress the way you hoped, maybe it's innate. Or maybe it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you keep trying and he still doesn't succeed - you spent some time together, which is never a loss. If you keep trying and he does succeed, it's in no small part because of the parents. Keep pushing. , Tl;dr: Try it, might make a huge difference, if you can find a great BCBA. YMMV, but definitely worth a try.
We started around the same age. Our child was not non-verbal, but language has exploded through ABA in a way that it did not through speech therapy alone. Credit also to the kindergarten that welcomed the ABA therapist team to be at school full-time initially, then fading out to zero 10 months later. Got into private elementary school, and fully up to grade level, starting WAY behind. We are thrilled (though still of course not the easiest child in the world)., Every person I talk to that did not get early intervention and ABA regretted it on a personal level. Looking back and saying "I did everything I could" is my idea. I would move mountains to help my child even just a little bit., We weren't able to get intervention for my nonverbal son until he was 4 (unable to leave a foreign country where no resources were available). He's 5 now and has made amazing progress in terms of communication (uses an AAC device) and has more impulse control/patience. His therapists remark at how bright and affectionate he is, but he's also the most hyperactive kid they work with and it's exhausting.
I've accepted at this point that he'll always be level 3 and may not ever speak, if he does he'll have an impediment. I just want him to be able to communicate, take care of his hygiene, work with therapists, and not do anything dangerous (attacking others, running away, eating poison) by the time he's an adult., Idk if this helps but Here's how our sons experience went. Our kid was also in daycare from 10weeks to the spring before kindergarten, which I think helped him being around people and kids.
0-1 year: seemed like a normal baby and milestones were hit.
1-2 years: no words. Didn't really play with toys. Point to objects or share interests. Walked with holding hands but wouldn't walk alone until 18 months.
2-3 years. We started therapys and had a handful of words used. He wouldn't say hungry, but apple or cracker.
3-4 years: more language growth to 2-4 word sentences. Potty trained to pee. Still pooping in diapers. Still lacked hand strength and dexterity with drawing, cutting, opening things, and zippers/buttons. Could get some articles of clothes on. Could use spoons and forks okay.
4-5 years/prek: 5 day a week day treatment plus therapies. Lots of language growth but still very far behind. Potty trained to poop on the toilet. Starting to say more internal ideas like what he likes or dislikes. What he is feeling sometimes. Drawing and writing is still tough for him to do.
5-6/kindergarten: lots of language growth. Not conversational but waaaayyy more words and ideas. We had our second child which was a secret blessing because although he was terrified of him the first 4-6 months once the baby started laughing it was like a whole new world opened for him. This is when we also have seen lots of frustrations and physical resistance, which is imo from the frustrations of inability to fully communicate or understand some harder concepts. Started horse back riding/equine therapy. Made a friend at school who is also autistic.
6-7/1st grade: started medicine to help with anxiety. HUGE and I mean Bernie sanders Yuge growth in language, trying foods, drawing has been incredible with growth, and reading. This year has given me a lot of hope that maybe he will be able to live a life on his own. I have moments where this is crushed when I see other kids his age and how far behind he is, but then I meet some of his classmates and am greatful that things aren't worse. Doctors appt gave become easier. Dentist is doing trust building appts, Which have helped. Still sees his friend which we know because that friend tells their mom they saw our kid and played at school.
I 100% believe that him being in daycare and also starting therapys and having the school help us 18 months to 2 years was beneficial to him and his socialization and growth. He loves people and kids, he just has a hard time connecting with them because there is a gap in how they both interact and communicate. I am not religious but I pray to the universe that one day that gap can be connected.
We have never done ABA. We never got a level until 6 years old. We were told lvl 3. Keep in mind he is able to talk, eat, get dressed, use the bathroom, wash his hands, and other essential ADLs. So iml he's a level 3 to get resources. The schools don't use levels and i think they are silly., It will help. Please put him in it if you can, I like this! My kiddo is still definitely lvl 3 but he has made some small incremental progress lately that is honestly SO COOL. I’m so happy with it even if it would still be disaster level for even a lot of special needs kids.
I think for me it has been a journey of realizing how incredibly individual every situation is. We can’t even compare against other lvl 3 asd kids., Absolutely! To me, the most important word will always be "no". Of course functional communication and deep conversations are great - but ultimately, telling (or signing, or showing) others that you don't consent improves quality of life greatly., What kind of things are you doing at home? I know every child is different but ours has essentially picked up the concept that school is school and home is home. Any crossing of those environments leads to withdrawal or a tantrum.
Just looking for ideas, thanks., Aww. He's a trooper., I'd say it's closer to 10 for the general trajectory (had too many students test out of the ID/life skills setting after a year or two), if a child is non-speaking by age 12 (and had therapy before) they're likely to stay non-speaking., Some kids literally are incapable of learning anything significant at the most extreme end of ID., I am glad that your grandson had a good experience, but I disagree that all therapy is a net gain for all kids. The idea that there is “nothing to lose” is a little insulting to the child., I’d like to know too! Was it child-led play time on the floor? We did a lot of that and other things as well, but I’m always open to hearing new ideas and methods.
Also, AbleObject, if you don’t mind sharing, how was/is your kid’s receptive language? Was it always good or was it low then got better? Thanks., I’m at the point that my child is about to start kindy, and the pre school teachers have told us that they don’t think mainstream school is the right fit. The only other option for us is home school. But home is home, where he can be and do whatever he wants. I have no idea how I can even put rules in place for home learning., So the first thing we had to do was limit both quantity of screentime (we *shoot* for no TV before school at noon, and no more 2 hours after (we work split shifts because he was thrown out of two daycares long ago), **we do NOT always succeed** and some days are special lazy days, to be completely honest. We're not perfect by any means lol) and the quality (only educational content, PBS kids is great and we'll miss noggin, no YouTube beyond ms Rachel when he was younger, who was helpful for speech to a degree tbh)
We have a bit of a formal and informal split, my wife found out about *TeacherPayTeachers* and *Autism Little Learners* through the preschool and has been using quite a bit of their resources, worksheets, activities, etc, she got a circle time rug and does a short circle time thing in the AM. In the beginning this was all scheduled out properly (in order, not necessarily time) with homemade visual schedules, first we're having breakfast, then a walk to the park, then a worksheet, etc and slowly backed off as he got used to it. Also worth looking into various educational activity books available online, things like executive functioning, cognitive development, etc. Leapfrog has some great stuff, he really likes the Leapstart specifically now.
The informal side is trying to make everyday happenings into learning experiences, things like "oh we need 2 eggs for brownies, can you count them out", "oh that person looks upset, how could they calm down" (out of earshot of course lol). It was kinda challenging at first I'm not gonna lie but I kept trying and literally one day it was just a habit and second nature.
The other thing that helped was syncing with the school on both activities, stuff like singing the same song at circle time at home as at school, using the same prompt words ("go fingers" is the current one, learning to hold pencil properly), even matching themes for activities (That's a little easier, it's mostly just holidays and seasons) and also syncing with behavioral issues and how to treat them, it's mostly gentle parenting essentially. Having that consistency between environments really seems to help.
And I am not going to sugarcoat it, it was absolutely a struggle at the beginning, both tantrums and meltdowns, the whole thing. Ya just got to stick with it, start small if you need, take the victories as they come and build off of what you can as you go. Don't let perfect stand in the way of progress, and try to build up their confidence as much as possible while you're doing doing it. And try to not give up, you can absolutely lessen your expectations depending on their reaction/mood but shoot for at least something, if just token participation, what you'll have to do first is build the habit and that's hard lol
Good luck, I hope at least a little of this helps you be successful, lmk if there's any other detail I could provide ☺️, We're very blessed, he loves to learn and is so curious, and my wife is practically a sped teacher at this point and really puts in the work, she's a saint and cannot get enough credit. I'm thankful to be so lucky 🙏, I know. It was a genuine question. Does OP think that, at 4.5, there I nothing he can get out of it? I started my son at 4 and it’s been a blessing but he learns fast., I had to read this a number of times before I could figure out how you could read that as insulting, but I get it now.
I don’t think it was meant like that - IMO it means that the risk is extremely low, practically zero, not that there’s no worse situation imaginable. At worst, it simply won’t help…. I agree with that.
I think ABA is much more likely to have negative eg on lvl 1 kids where the “right” thing to do is a lot more ambiguous . For lvl 3, in my experience it’s usually pretty obvious what to do in terms of just giving them opportunities all the time to work on basic skills., Without knowing a lot more about this child, none of us can say what is recommended for them., I mean, no one can say anything for certain on these topics, even with perfect information. Not even parents or doctors or the children themselves.
For general directions and generally helpful suggestions, I find this forum very useful., Someone once told me that there is a false narrative that early intervention is not successful if it doesn’t lead to independence. For some children, access to early supports is the difference between requiring full assisted living as an adult, or being in a less restrictive group home environment, and those can be vastly different qualities of life. Regardless of whether your child will ever be assessed at a level other than 3, you can make choices now that improve their quality of life later., Intervention will help your son. The parents on this board are rockstars. I work with many autistic families and this board is not representative of the general population. The parents on this board are extremely astute and have gotten their children through the diagnostic and intervention process much faster than your average parent. You too are a rock star for seeking help for your son at the tender age of 4.
You are still ahead of the curve. My son is also 4.5 and he is non verbal. He has been receiving intervention for years. Not being verbal yet doesn’t mean he hasn’t made amazing progress in so many other areas. It’s worth it for your son. Keep going :), My son was diagnosed level 3, but he's progressing well. I was told that after yrs of therapy he should be a level 2, maybe a level 1 if hes very lucky by the time he's an adult. But he will always need some sort of accommodations. Therapy for him is speech and OT, he does need feeding therapy as well. He's also in spec ed. We arent doing ABA simply because he's doing well with what he's already in. I really think it depends on the kid. No 2 kids on the spectrum will be the same even if they are in the same therapy with the same therapist.,
ABA therapy is controversial, you can give it a try if you feel it’s the right thing to do. If it’s not working for your child you can always stop.
Personal opinion ahead:
I believe it can change up until adulthood/maturity.
It’s amazing how neurotypical people are given every excuse in the book until they’re 25. Rob a bank at 17? That’s ok poor little things brain won’t mature for another 8 years.
But god forbid an autistic child isn’t functioning like an adult by the time they’re 4. Any issues and it’s off to ye old asylum for you., My son (diagnosed "level 3") was nonverbal at 3.5 he's now almost 5 and with only OT, Speech, behavioral therapy, & state preschool (1 year in the SPED room, one in the general Ed), and a **lot** of work at home.
He's now using full sentences (pronunciation is still a work in progress), toilets independently, expresses and self regulates his emotions on a semi-frequent basis, and at his pre-k IEP meeting, we've established that next year he's going to a shared para with the intention of slowly letting him be independent, and he's basically graduated from OT. He continues to make progress every day, and absolutely struggles every day (don't we all tho lol)
I thought he would never be to this point, particularly because he regressed really hard speech wise as a toddler (went from a dozen+ words to non-verbal for over a year).
I feel like we owe to our kids to give them as many tools to succeed in life as we possibly can, maybe it looks differently than our lives or what we had planned but that's ok if we can help them live happy lives. Your kid deserves the best chance they can get, imo. , I’ve heard that usually by 7 or 8 is when you can tell what the general level will be. It’s not that they stop progressing at this age, but a level 3 or a high level 2 is unlikely to become a level 1 who’s barely detectable by adulthood. 4.5 is still a good age to expose your child to whatever therapies you can since a lot of change can still happen., How a kid is doing can change depending on the environment and the accommodations. Personally I don’t think levels are that helpful for that reason. Any therapy should be focused on the specific needs of your child., My son is now 20. Back when he was diagnosed, there were no levels. You were autistic and that was it. He was non verbal until age 5. Not potty trained until 6. We did all the therapies (OT, PT, play therapy, swim therapy, hippotherapy, ABA) 5 days a week until age 12. He has been in SpEd classrooms his whole life. And guess what? He is a level 3 as a young adult. I often wonder if the therapies actually helped at all or if he would have learned what he has anyway with time and maturity. Not trying to discourage you but I want to keep it real. When he was diagnosed at 3 years old the doctors sold me a bill of goods that he would be “fine”. It was a lie., Not trying to be rude but do you think your child is incapable of learning anything?, There’s no limit in my opinion.
50 years ago kids were put in institutions when they had autism, no other option and written off as hopeless
I watched a movie last week called “a mothers courage” about autism this came out in the early 2000s and I’m shocked how autism was discussed and treated just 20 years ago
Somehow it’s taken us 100 years of medicine to realize the brain is neuroplastic and can change throughout life
The more longitudal studies that come out the more we see autism can change at older and older ages. UC Davis did a study a few years ago that said autism severity changed a lot between 3-6 then they updated the study and said it still changes through 13, I can bet as those kids age they will have a new study saying it changes through 20 and so on
Temple grandin says she feels less autistic every year
My point is, medicine is still growing in this field. What was told 50 years ago is now completely wrong (autism is caused my refrigerator mothers ). I try not to get hung up on ages because of this.
Of course there are some kids who are very severely impacted have genetic issues that cannot be overcome, but if you’re seeing progress in your kids I wouldn’t expect it to come to a screeching halt because they turned a certain age, I don’t necessarily think that autism severity changes drastically in young children, it’s just difficult to measure what their trajectory looks like until they get older., It helped my grandson tremendously. Please try it, you have nothing to lose., I don't know if it will be helpful for your son, but it's absolutely helpful for mine. He's started eating on his own, a little bit of potty training, and coming home with new surprises every day.
I can now somewhat discipline my child when he does something bad by telling him to sit. He's been attempting to brush his teeth and doing much better following directions.
ABA, where I am, has been unbelievably helpful. If I'd left my son home with my apathetic wife, he'd be nowhere close to where he is now, and would probably mindlessly stare at YouTube all day.
My situation is unique. Your mileage may vary. It's important to start young though. Keep your goals realistic too. I went in without any, just knowing that this would be helpful, and god-damn am I lucky to have the ABA team that I do. My son pegs me for attention to the point where I don't have time to think, and somehow they've made such progress without my input or direction. I'm blessed because of them., My son is nonverbal lvl 3. Diagnosed at 3 due to a long wait. He will keep that same level always on paper, because he's non speaking.. He was in ST/OT /PPCD first. 0 results, due to his behaviors. School was a nightmare for everyone. I tried everything from food diets , sensory diet to supplement regimens. I was avoiding AbA since it was so controversial in the ASD community. But then as I kept researching it was the best therapy for him. He did okay but he was still unable to focus and stuff due to his ADHD. Doc added in meds to support therapy. Between ABA and meds he's a different kid . When he was diagnosed there was no joint attention, self regulation, social skills, interest in leisure activity, safety awareness, and the eloping was constant. He would stim for hours if allowed.
Fwd to last year where he's 12. He's amazing. He uses AAC to type to talk. He's in school full day in Spec Ed, but still made honor roll. Loves music, books and walking/hiking the family dogs. He didn't potty train fully till 7 I kept trying on my own again because I was avoiding the intense potty training. But it took that and he's completely restroom independent. His receptive language is amazing. Probably because he's Just in there listening ;taking it all in since he can't speak. And I've always spoken to him like an NT kid, never used baby talk or dumbed down language. Why? The world doesn't speak like that I wanted him to understand what's being said round him. I keep him to to date on teen slang so he knows what's up at school. 🤣
So he's doing amazing I figure I'll get him re tested. Not that he's lost his diagnosis but man he's a different person! Definitely lvl 2 I thought.
Same diagnosis lvl. Till they can vocalize words unfortunately they are going to stay on that level on paper. Because they will need substantial support since they don't vocally speak.
I was sad not for me but for him. All this work and NM wt some people will always only see that he can't do. As a mom it's infuriating and heart breaking at the same time.
So that's it no more testing. We all see his improvement and how hard he's worked. I think the spectrum umbrella is too wide. I hate that my son is under the same umbrella as say an Asperger's person. They are completely different. Grouping them makes both ends of the spectrum high and low lose out on services they should be getting. My hope to see nonverbal ASD stand independently as a diagnosis. You need to be there for his therapy or your partner. ABA can be stressful so as a nonverbal child they need an adult around monitoring. Till they can communicate we are their safe person.
All those book I read when he was diagnosed didn't help. Because they're aimed more for higher lvl kids and preverbal. Only things that helps me understand my boy is reading books by nonverbal autistics. They're life changing.
How can I Speak if my Lips Don't Move ?, Ido in Autismland, and Thinking in Pictures.
ABA saved my son's life and gave him life skills he will use forever. He left ABA this year but I won't hesitate to use them again if necessary. But he's doing great for where he was and where I thought he'd be! When he was small I thought he's going to end up in the mad house when I'm gone. But now he has the skills to be some what independent and communicate. Communication is #1. A lot of behaviors are due to lack of communication. My son started with color photos, PECS didn't register for him too vague. I kept them in a book and he'd give me photos of what he wanted or needed. Then moved up to an app still took my own photos in the apps instead of Pecs images. After a year or two he started understanding the PECS images. So we moved onto an AAC device with LAMP on it. In that app you can type or use the icons. I taught him typing on the computer during COVID. So I tried getting him to type in the app. He loved it so we focused on building that. He's not writing books or anything but he can. Speak for himself and that's all I really wanted. Do the ABA don't expect his lvl to change on paper but he will absolutely change before your eyes. My son started showing great improvement around 7/8. Puberty is bringing some little things back but nothing too severe. Just some stims and repetition. I allow this because I know it's his body way of dealing with the neurological/hormonal changes. I do keep a timer and then distract him with a higher desired activity. But I can't imagine he'd who he is without ABA. Sry so long just really think it's important kids like ours learn life skills(safety/independent skills) and to communicate functionally. ABA saved his life. , This is a problem I have when it comes to the assignment of levels: it isn't explained properly to parents, they hear level 3, and they think "wiping their ass forever, unable to feed themselves or communicate in any way." And for a small proportion, that will be true.
The last figure I saw suggested the median age for potty training is 9 for autistic children.
My perspective will be a little different: we're a multiplex family, and what we know is that in families like mine, autism tends to be less severe than in families where the autism is caused by a spontaneous mutation.
That said, my sons are 6 and 9 and both have a level 3 diagnosis.
My oldest is fully potty trained, he's starting to be conversational with AAC, he's reading at grade level and comprehension seems to be good. He can do basic housework. He is to some degree intellectually disabled. Is he ever going to be fully independent? No. But he could absolutely function as a member of a household with some support.
4 is far too early to give up. NO ONE will know your child like you do. Here are some gems I've heard over the years from professionals...
"Your son is severely intellectually disabled." Then how is he reading and comprehending like he is? Because I taught him.
"Your child is too disabled to learn how to use AAC."
I see it this way: if you give up and your son doesn't progress the way you hoped, maybe it's innate. Or maybe it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you keep trying and he still doesn't succeed - you spent some time together, which is never a loss. If you keep trying and he does succeed, it's in no small part because of the parents. Keep pushing. , Tl;dr: Try it, might make a huge difference, if you can find a great BCBA. YMMV, but definitely worth a try.
We started around the same age. Our child was not non-verbal, but language has exploded through ABA in a way that it did not through speech therapy alone. Credit also to the kindergarten that welcomed the ABA therapist team to be at school full-time initially, then fading out to zero 10 months later. Got into private elementary school, and fully up to grade level, starting WAY behind. We are thrilled (though still of course not the easiest child in the world)., Every person I talk to that did not get early intervention and ABA regretted it on a personal level. Looking back and saying "I did everything I could" is my idea. I would move mountains to help my child even just a little bit., We weren't able to get intervention for my nonverbal son until he was 4 (unable to leave a foreign country where no resources were available). He's 5 now and has made amazing progress in terms of communication (uses an AAC device) and has more impulse control/patience. His therapists remark at how bright and affectionate he is, but he's also the most hyperactive kid they work with and it's exhausting.
I've accepted at this point that he'll always be level 3 and may not ever speak, if he does he'll have an impediment. I just want him to be able to communicate, take care of his hygiene, work with therapists, and not do anything dangerous (attacking others, running away, eating poison) by the time he's an adult., Idk if this helps but Here's how our sons experience went. Our kid was also in daycare from 10weeks to the spring before kindergarten, which I think helped him being around people and kids.
0-1 year: seemed like a normal baby and milestones were hit.
1-2 years: no words. Didn't really play with toys. Point to objects or share interests. Walked with holding hands but wouldn't walk alone until 18 months.
2-3 years. We started therapys and had a handful of words used. He wouldn't say hungry, but apple or cracker.
3-4 years: more language growth to 2-4 word sentences. Potty trained to pee. Still pooping in diapers. Still lacked hand strength and dexterity with drawing, cutting, opening things, and zippers/buttons. Could get some articles of clothes on. Could use spoons and forks okay.
4-5 years/prek: 5 day a week day treatment plus therapies. Lots of language growth but still very far behind. Potty trained to poop on the toilet. Starting to say more internal ideas like what he likes or dislikes. What he is feeling sometimes. Drawing and writing is still tough for him to do.
5-6/kindergarten: lots of language growth. Not conversational but waaaayyy more words and ideas. We had our second child which was a secret blessing because although he was terrified of him the first 4-6 months once the baby started laughing it was like a whole new world opened for him. This is when we also have seen lots of frustrations and physical resistance, which is imo from the frustrations of inability to fully communicate or understand some harder concepts. Started horse back riding/equine therapy. Made a friend at school who is also autistic.
6-7/1st grade: started medicine to help with anxiety. HUGE and I mean Bernie sanders Yuge growth in language, trying foods, drawing has been incredible with growth, and reading. This year has given me a lot of hope that maybe he will be able to live a life on his own. I have moments where this is crushed when I see other kids his age and how far behind he is, but then I meet some of his classmates and am greatful that things aren't worse. Doctors appt gave become easier. Dentist is doing trust building appts, Which have helped. Still sees his friend which we know because that friend tells their mom they saw our kid and played at school.
I 100% believe that him being in daycare and also starting therapys and having the school help us 18 months to 2 years was beneficial to him and his socialization and growth. He loves people and kids, he just has a hard time connecting with them because there is a gap in how they both interact and communicate. I am not religious but I pray to the universe that one day that gap can be connected.
We have never done ABA. We never got a level until 6 years old. We were told lvl 3. Keep in mind he is able to talk, eat, get dressed, use the bathroom, wash his hands, and other essential ADLs. So iml he's a level 3 to get resources. The schools don't use levels and i think they are silly., It will help. Please put him in it if you can, I like this! My kiddo is still definitely lvl 3 but he has made some small incremental progress lately that is honestly SO COOL. I’m so happy with it even if it would still be disaster level for even a lot of special needs kids.
I think for me it has been a journey of realizing how incredibly individual every situation is. We can’t even compare against other lvl 3 asd kids., Absolutely! To me, the most important word will always be "no". Of course functional communication and deep conversations are great - but ultimately, telling (or signing, or showing) others that you don't consent improves quality of life greatly., What kind of things are you doing at home? I know every child is different but ours has essentially picked up the concept that school is school and home is home. Any crossing of those environments leads to withdrawal or a tantrum.
Just looking for ideas, thanks., Aww. He's a trooper., I'd say it's closer to 10 for the general trajectory (had too many students test out of the ID/life skills setting after a year or two), if a child is non-speaking by age 12 (and had therapy before) they're likely to stay non-speaking., Some kids literally are incapable of learning anything significant at the most extreme end of ID., I am glad that your grandson had a good experience, but I disagree that all therapy is a net gain for all kids. The idea that there is “nothing to lose” is a little insulting to the child., I’d like to know too! Was it child-led play time on the floor? We did a lot of that and other things as well, but I’m always open to hearing new ideas and methods.
Also, AbleObject, if you don’t mind sharing, how was/is your kid’s receptive language? Was it always good or was it low then got better? Thanks., I’m at the point that my child is about to start kindy, and the pre school teachers have told us that they don’t think mainstream school is the right fit. The only other option for us is home school. But home is home, where he can be and do whatever he wants. I have no idea how I can even put rules in place for home learning., So the first thing we had to do was limit both quantity of screentime (we *shoot* for no TV before school at noon, and no more 2 hours after (we work split shifts because he was thrown out of two daycares long ago), **we do NOT always succeed** and some days are special lazy days, to be completely honest. We're not perfect by any means lol) and the quality (only educational content, PBS kids is great and we'll miss noggin, no YouTube beyond ms Rachel when he was younger, who was helpful for speech to a degree tbh)
We have a bit of a formal and informal split, my wife found out about *TeacherPayTeachers* and *Autism Little Learners* through the preschool and has been using quite a bit of their resources, worksheets, activities, etc, she got a circle time rug and does a short circle time thing in the AM. In the beginning this was all scheduled out properly (in order, not necessarily time) with homemade visual schedules, first we're having breakfast, then a walk to the park, then a worksheet, etc and slowly backed off as he got used to it. Also worth looking into various educational activity books available online, things like executive functioning, cognitive development, etc. Leapfrog has some great stuff, he really likes the Leapstart specifically now.
The informal side is trying to make everyday happenings into learning experiences, things like "oh we need 2 eggs for brownies, can you count them out", "oh that person looks upset, how could they calm down" (out of earshot of course lol). It was kinda challenging at first I'm not gonna lie but I kept trying and literally one day it was just a habit and second nature.
The other thing that helped was syncing with the school on both activities, stuff like singing the same song at circle time at home as at school, using the same prompt words ("go fingers" is the current one, learning to hold pencil properly), even matching themes for activities (That's a little easier, it's mostly just holidays and seasons) and also syncing with behavioral issues and how to treat them, it's mostly gentle parenting essentially. Having that consistency between environments really seems to help.
And I am not going to sugarcoat it, it was absolutely a struggle at the beginning, both tantrums and meltdowns, the whole thing. Ya just got to stick with it, start small if you need, take the victories as they come and build off of what you can as you go. Don't let perfect stand in the way of progress, and try to build up their confidence as much as possible while you're doing doing it. And try to not give up, you can absolutely lessen your expectations depending on their reaction/mood but shoot for at least something, if just token participation, what you'll have to do first is build the habit and that's hard lol
Good luck, I hope at least a little of this helps you be successful, lmk if there's any other detail I could provide ☺️, We're very blessed, he loves to learn and is so curious, and my wife is practically a sped teacher at this point and really puts in the work, she's a saint and cannot get enough credit. I'm thankful to be so lucky 🙏, I know. It was a genuine question. Does OP think that, at 4.5, there I nothing he can get out of it? I started my son at 4 and it’s been a blessing but he learns fast., I had to read this a number of times before I could figure out how you could read that as insulting, but I get it now.
I don’t think it was meant like that - IMO it means that the risk is extremely low, practically zero, not that there’s no worse situation imaginable. At worst, it simply won’t help…. I agree with that.
I think ABA is much more likely to have negative eg on lvl 1 kids where the “right” thing to do is a lot more ambiguous . For lvl 3, in my experience it’s usually pretty obvious what to do in terms of just giving them opportunities all the time to work on basic skills., Without knowing a lot more about this child, none of us can say what is recommended for them., I mean, no one can say anything for certain on these topics, even with perfect information. Not even parents or doctors or the children themselves.
For general directions and generally helpful suggestions, I find this forum very useful., Someone once told me that there is a false narrative that early intervention is not successful if it doesn’t lead to independence. For some children, access to early supports is the difference between requiring full assisted living as an adult, or being in a less restrictive group home environment, and those can be vastly different qualities of life. Regardless of whether your child will ever be assessed at a level other than 3, you can make choices now that improve their quality of life later., Intervention will help your son. The parents on this board are rockstars. I work with many autistic families and this board is not representative of the general population. The parents on this board are extremely astute and have gotten their children through the diagnostic and intervention process much faster than your average parent. You too are a rock star for seeking help for your son at the tender age of 4.
You are still ahead of the curve. My son is also 4.5 and he is non verbal. He has been receiving intervention for years. Not being verbal yet doesn’t mean he hasn’t made amazing progress in so many other areas. It’s worth it for your son. Keep going :), My son was diagnosed level 3, but he's progressing well. I was told that after yrs of therapy he should be a level 2, maybe a level 1 if hes very lucky by the time he's an adult. But he will always need some sort of accommodations. Therapy for him is speech and OT, he does need feeding therapy as well. He's also in spec ed. We arent doing ABA simply because he's doing well with what he's already in. I really think it depends on the kid. No 2 kids on the spectrum will be the same even if they are in the same therapy with the same therapist.,
ABA therapy is controversial, you can give it a try if you feel it’s the right thing to do. If it’s not working for your child you can always stop.
Personal opinion ahead:
I believe it can change up until adulthood/maturity.
It’s amazing how neurotypical people are given every excuse in the book until they’re 25. Rob a bank at 17? That’s ok poor little things brain won’t mature for another 8 years.
But god forbid an autistic child isn’t functioning like an adult by the time they’re 4. Any issues and it’s off to ye old asylum for you., My son (diagnosed "level 3") was nonverbal at 3.5 he's now almost 5 and with only OT, Speech, behavioral therapy, & state preschool (1 year in the SPED room, one in the general Ed), and a **lot** of work at home.
He's now using full sentences (pronunciation is still a work in progress), toilets independently, expresses and self regulates his emotions on a semi-frequent basis, and at his pre-k IEP meeting, we've established that next year he's going to a shared para with the intention of slowly letting him be independent, and he's basically graduated from OT. He continues to make progress every day, and absolutely struggles every day (don't we all tho lol)
I thought he would never be to this point, particularly because he regressed really hard speech wise as a toddler (went from a dozen+ words to non-verbal for over a year).
I feel like we owe to our kids to give them as many tools to succeed in life as we possibly can, maybe it looks differently than our lives or what we had planned but that's ok if we can help them live happy lives. Your kid deserves the best chance they can get, imo. , I’ve heard that usually by 7 or 8 is when you can tell what the general level will be. It’s not that they stop progressing at this age, but a level 3 or a high level 2 is unlikely to become a level 1 who’s barely detectable by adulthood. 4.5 is still a good age to expose your child to whatever therapies you can since a lot of change can still happen., How a kid is doing can change depending on the environment and the accommodations. Personally I don’t think levels are that helpful for that reason. Any therapy should be focused on the specific needs of your child., My son is now 20. Back when he was diagnosed, there were no levels. You were autistic and that was it. He was non verbal until age 5. Not potty trained until 6. We did all the therapies (OT, PT, play therapy, swim therapy, hippotherapy, ABA) 5 days a week until age 12. He has been in SpEd classrooms his whole life. And guess what? He is a level 3 as a young adult. I often wonder if the therapies actually helped at all or if he would have learned what he has anyway with time and maturity. Not trying to discourage you but I want to keep it real. When he was diagnosed at 3 years old the doctors sold me a bill of goods that he would be “fine”. It was a lie., Not trying to be rude but do you think your child is incapable of learning anything?, There’s no limit in my opinion.
50 years ago kids were put in institutions when they had autism, no other option and written off as hopeless
I watched a movie last week called “a mothers courage” about autism this came out in the early 2000s and I’m shocked how autism was discussed and treated just 20 years ago
Somehow it’s taken us 100 years of medicine to realize the brain is neuroplastic and can change throughout life
The more longitudal studies that come out the more we see autism can change at older and older ages. UC Davis did a study a few years ago that said autism severity changed a lot between 3-6 then they updated the study and said it still changes through 13, I can bet as those kids age they will have a new study saying it changes through 20 and so on
Temple grandin says she feels less autistic every year
My point is, medicine is still growing in this field. What was told 50 years ago is now completely wrong (autism is caused my refrigerator mothers ). I try not to get hung up on ages because of this.
Of course there are some kids who are very severely impacted have genetic issues that cannot be overcome, but if you’re seeing progress in your kids I wouldn’t expect it to come to a screeching halt because they turned a certain age, I don’t necessarily think that autism severity changes drastically in young children, it’s just difficult to measure what their trajectory looks like until they get older., It helped my grandson tremendously. Please try it, you have nothing to lose., I don't know if it will be helpful for your son, but it's absolutely helpful for mine. He's started eating on his own, a little bit of potty training, and coming home with new surprises every day.
I can now somewhat discipline my child when he does something bad by telling him to sit. He's been attempting to brush his teeth and doing much better following directions.
ABA, where I am, has been unbelievably helpful. If I'd left my son home with my apathetic wife, he'd be nowhere close to where he is now, and would probably mindlessly stare at YouTube all day.
My situation is unique. Your mileage may vary. It's important to start young though. Keep your goals realistic too. I went in without any, just knowing that this would be helpful, and god-damn am I lucky to have the ABA team that I do. My son pegs me for attention to the point where I don't have time to think, and somehow they've made such progress without my input or direction. I'm blessed because of them., My son is nonverbal lvl 3. Diagnosed at 3 due to a long wait. He will keep that same level always on paper, because he's non speaking.. He was in ST/OT /PPCD first. 0 results, due to his behaviors. School was a nightmare for everyone. I tried everything from food diets , sensory diet to supplement regimens. I was avoiding AbA since it was so controversial in the ASD community. But then as I kept researching it was the best therapy for him. He did okay but he was still unable to focus and stuff due to his ADHD. Doc added in meds to support therapy. Between ABA and meds he's a different kid . When he was diagnosed there was no joint attention, self regulation, social skills, interest in leisure activity, safety awareness, and the eloping was constant. He would stim for hours if allowed.
Fwd to last year where he's 12. He's amazing. He uses AAC to type to talk. He's in school full day in Spec Ed, but still made honor roll. Loves music, books and walking/hiking the family dogs. He didn't potty train fully till 7 I kept trying on my own again because I was avoiding the intense potty training. But it took that and he's completely restroom independent. His receptive language is amazing. Probably because he's Just in there listening ;taking it all in since he can't speak. And I've always spoken to him like an NT kid, never used baby talk or dumbed down language. Why? The world doesn't speak like that I wanted him to understand what's being said round him. I keep him to to date on teen slang so he knows what's up at school. 🤣
So he's doing amazing I figure I'll get him re tested. Not that he's lost his diagnosis but man he's a different person! Definitely lvl 2 I thought.
Same diagnosis lvl. Till they can vocalize words unfortunately they are going to stay on that level on paper. Because they will need substantial support since they don't vocally speak.
I was sad not for me but for him. All this work and NM wt some people will always only see that he can't do. As a mom it's infuriating and heart breaking at the same time.
So that's it no more testing. We all see his improvement and how hard he's worked. I think the spectrum umbrella is too wide. I hate that my son is under the same umbrella as say an Asperger's person. They are completely different. Grouping them makes both ends of the spectrum high and low lose out on services they should be getting. My hope to see nonverbal ASD stand independently as a diagnosis. You need to be there for his therapy or your partner. ABA can be stressful so as a nonverbal child they need an adult around monitoring. Till they can communicate we are their safe person.
All those book I read when he was diagnosed didn't help. Because they're aimed more for higher lvl kids and preverbal. Only things that helps me understand my boy is reading books by nonverbal autistics. They're life changing.
How can I Speak if my Lips Don't Move ?, Ido in Autismland, and Thinking in Pictures.
ABA saved my son's life and gave him life skills he will use forever. He left ABA this year but I won't hesitate to use them again if necessary. But he's doing great for where he was and where I thought he'd be! When he was small I thought he's going to end up in the mad house when I'm gone. But now he has the skills to be some what independent and communicate. Communication is #1. A lot of behaviors are due to lack of communication. My son started with color photos, PECS didn't register for him too vague. I kept them in a book and he'd give me photos of what he wanted or needed. Then moved up to an app still took my own photos in the apps instead of Pecs images. After a year or two he started understanding the PECS images. So we moved onto an AAC device with LAMP on it. In that app you can type or use the icons. I taught him typing on the computer during COVID. So I tried getting him to type in the app. He loved it so we focused on building that. He's not writing books or anything but he can. Speak for himself and that's all I really wanted. Do the ABA don't expect his lvl to change on paper but he will absolutely change before your eyes. My son started showing great improvement around 7/8. Puberty is bringing some little things back but nothing too severe. Just some stims and repetition. I allow this because I know it's his body way of dealing with the neurological/hormonal changes. I do keep a timer and then distract him with a higher desired activity. But I can't imagine he'd who he is without ABA. Sry so long just really think it's important kids like ours learn life skills(safety/independent skills) and to communicate functionally. ABA saved his life. , This is a problem I have when it comes to the assignment of levels: it isn't explained properly to parents, they hear level 3, and they think "wiping their ass forever, unable to feed themselves or communicate in any way." And for a small proportion, that will be true.
The last figure I saw suggested the median age for potty training is 9 for autistic children.
My perspective will be a little different: we're a multiplex family, and what we know is that in families like mine, autism tends to be less severe than in families where the autism is caused by a spontaneous mutation.
That said, my sons are 6 and 9 and both have a level 3 diagnosis.
My oldest is fully potty trained, he's starting to be conversational with AAC, he's reading at grade level and comprehension seems to be good. He can do basic housework. He is to some degree intellectually disabled. Is he ever going to be fully independent? No. But he could absolutely function as a member of a household with some support.
4 is far too early to give up. NO ONE will know your child like you do. Here are some gems I've heard over the years from professionals...
"Your son is severely intellectually disabled." Then how is he reading and comprehending like he is? Because I taught him.
"Your child is too disabled to learn how to use AAC."
I see it this way: if you give up and your son doesn't progress the way you hoped, maybe it's innate. Or maybe it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you keep trying and he still doesn't succeed - you spent some time together, which is never a loss. If you keep trying and he does succeed, it's in no small part because of the parents. Keep pushing. , Tl;dr: Try it, might make a huge difference, if you can find a great BCBA. YMMV, but definitely worth a try.
We started around the same age. Our child was not non-verbal, but language has exploded through ABA in a way that it did not through speech therapy alone. Credit also to the kindergarten that welcomed the ABA therapist team to be at school full-time initially, then fading out to zero 10 months later. Got into private elementary school, and fully up to grade level, starting WAY behind. We are thrilled (though still of course not the easiest child in the world)., Every person I talk to that did not get early intervention and ABA regretted it on a personal level. Looking back and saying "I did everything I could" is my idea. I would move mountains to help my child even just a little bit., We weren't able to get intervention for my nonverbal son until he was 4 (unable to leave a foreign country where no resources were available). He's 5 now and has made amazing progress in terms of communication (uses an AAC device) and has more impulse control/patience. His therapists remark at how bright and affectionate he is, but he's also the most hyperactive kid they work with and it's exhausting.
I've accepted at this point that he'll always be level 3 and may not ever speak, if he does he'll have an impediment. I just want him to be able to communicate, take care of his hygiene, work with therapists, and not do anything dangerous (attacking others, running away, eating poison) by the time he's an adult., Idk if this helps but Here's how our sons experience went. Our kid was also in daycare from 10weeks to the spring before kindergarten, which I think helped him being around people and kids.
0-1 year: seemed like a normal baby and milestones were hit.
1-2 years: no words. Didn't really play with toys. Point to objects or share interests. Walked with holding hands but wouldn't walk alone until 18 months.
2-3 years. We started therapys and had a handful of words used. He wouldn't say hungry, but apple or cracker.
3-4 years: more language growth to 2-4 word sentences. Potty trained to pee. Still pooping in diapers. Still lacked hand strength and dexterity with drawing, cutting, opening things, and zippers/buttons. Could get some articles of clothes on. Could use spoons and forks okay.
4-5 years/prek: 5 day a week day treatment plus therapies. Lots of language growth but still very far behind. Potty trained to poop on the toilet. Starting to say more internal ideas like what he likes or dislikes. What he is feeling sometimes. Drawing and writing is still tough for him to do.
5-6/kindergarten: lots of language growth. Not conversational but waaaayyy more words and ideas. We had our second child which was a secret blessing because although he was terrified of him the first 4-6 months once the baby started laughing it was like a whole new world opened for him. This is when we also have seen lots of frustrations and physical resistance, which is imo from the frustrations of inability to fully communicate or understand some harder concepts. Started horse back riding/equine therapy. Made a friend at school who is also autistic.
6-7/1st grade: started medicine to help with anxiety. HUGE and I mean Bernie sanders Yuge growth in language, trying foods, drawing has been incredible with growth, and reading. This year has given me a lot of hope that maybe he will be able to live a life on his own. I have moments where this is crushed when I see other kids his age and how far behind he is, but then I meet some of his classmates and am greatful that things aren't worse. Doctors appt gave become easier. Dentist is doing trust building appts, Which have helped. Still sees his friend which we know because that friend tells their mom they saw our kid and played at school.
I 100% believe that him being in daycare and also starting therapys and having the school help us 18 months to 2 years was beneficial to him and his socialization and growth. He loves people and kids, he just has a hard time connecting with them because there is a gap in how they both interact and communicate. I am not religious but I pray to the universe that one day that gap can be connected.
We have never done ABA. We never got a level until 6 years old. We were told lvl 3. Keep in mind he is able to talk, eat, get dressed, use the bathroom, wash his hands, and other essential ADLs. So iml he's a level 3 to get resources. The schools don't use levels and i think they are silly., It will help. Please put him in it if you can, I like this! My kiddo is still definitely lvl 3 but he has made some small incremental progress lately that is honestly SO COOL. I’m so happy with it even if it would still be disaster level for even a lot of special needs kids.
I think for me it has been a journey of realizing how incredibly individual every situation is. We can’t even compare against other lvl 3 asd kids., Absolutely! To me, the most important word will always be "no". Of course functional communication and deep conversations are great - but ultimately, telling (or signing, or showing) others that you don't consent improves quality of life greatly., What kind of things are you doing at home? I know every child is different but ours has essentially picked up the concept that school is school and home is home. Any crossing of those environments leads to withdrawal or a tantrum.
Just looking for ideas, thanks., Aww. He's a trooper., I'd say it's closer to 10 for the general trajectory (had too many students test out of the ID/life skills setting after a year or two), if a child is non-speaking by age 12 (and had therapy before) they're likely to stay non-speaking., Some kids literally are incapable of learning anything significant at the most extreme end of ID., I am glad that your grandson had a good experience, but I disagree that all therapy is a net gain for all kids. The idea that there is “nothing to lose” is a little insulting to the child., I’d like to know too! Was it child-led play time on the floor? We did a lot of that and other things as well, but I’m always open to hearing new ideas and methods.
Also, AbleObject, if you don’t mind sharing, how was/is your kid’s receptive language? Was it always good or was it low then got better? Thanks., I’m at the point that my child is about to start kindy, and the pre school teachers have told us that they don’t think mainstream school is the right fit. The only other option for us is home school. But home is home, where he can be and do whatever he wants. I have no idea how I can even put rules in place for home learning., So the first thing we had to do was limit both quantity of screentime (we *shoot* for no TV before school at noon, and no more 2 hours after (we work split shifts because he was thrown out of two daycares long ago), **we do NOT always succeed** and some days are special lazy days, to be completely honest. We're not perfect by any means lol) and the quality (only educational content, PBS kids is great and we'll miss noggin, no YouTube beyond ms Rachel when he was younger, who was helpful for speech to a degree tbh)
We have a bit of a formal and informal split, my wife found out about *TeacherPayTeachers* and *Autism Little Learners* through the preschool and has been using quite a bit of their resources, worksheets, activities, etc, she got a circle time rug and does a short circle time thing in the AM. In the beginning this was all scheduled out properly (in order, not necessarily time) with homemade visual schedules, first we're having breakfast, then a walk to the park, then a worksheet, etc and slowly backed off as he got used to it. Also worth looking into various educational activity books available online, things like executive functioning, cognitive development, etc. Leapfrog has some great stuff, he really likes the Leapstart specifically now.
The informal side is trying to make everyday happenings into learning experiences, things like "oh we need 2 eggs for brownies, can you count them out", "oh that person looks upset, how could they calm down" (out of earshot of course lol). It was kinda challenging at first I'm not gonna lie but I kept trying and literally one day it was just a habit and second nature.
The other thing that helped was syncing with the school on both activities, stuff like singing the same song at circle time at home as at school, using the same prompt words ("go fingers" is the current one, learning to hold pencil properly), even matching themes for activities (That's a little easier, it's mostly just holidays and seasons) and also syncing with behavioral issues and how to treat them, it's mostly gentle parenting essentially. Having that consistency between environments really seems to help.
And I am not going to sugarcoat it, it was absolutely a struggle at the beginning, both tantrums and meltdowns, the whole thing. Ya just got to stick with it, start small if you need, take the victories as they come and build off of what you can as you go. Don't let perfect stand in the way of progress, and try to build up their confidence as much as possible while you're doing doing it. And try to not give up, you can absolutely lessen your expectations depending on their reaction/mood but shoot for at least something, if just token participation, what you'll have to do first is build the habit and that's hard lol
Good luck, I hope at least a little of this helps you be successful, lmk if there's any other detail I could provide ☺️, We're very blessed, he loves to learn and is so curious, and my wife is practically a sped teacher at this point and really puts in the work, she's a saint and cannot get enough credit. I'm thankful to be so lucky 🙏, I know. It was a genuine question. Does OP think that, at 4.5, there I nothing he can get out of it? I started my son at 4 and it’s been a blessing but he learns fast., I had to read this a number of times before I could figure out how you could read that as insulting, but I get it now.
I don’t think it was meant like that - IMO it means that the risk is extremely low, practically zero, not that there’s no worse situation imaginable. At worst, it simply won’t help…. I agree with that.
I think ABA is much more likely to have negative eg on lvl 1 kids where the “right” thing to do is a lot more ambiguous . For lvl 3, in my experience it’s usually pretty obvious what to do in terms of just giving them opportunities all the time to work on basic skills., Without knowing a lot more about this child, none of us can say what is recommended for them., I mean, no one can say anything for certain on these topics, even with perfect information. Not even parents or doctors or the children themselves.
For general directions and generally helpful suggestions, I find this forum very useful., Someone once told me that there is a false narrative that early intervention is not successful if it doesn’t lead to independence. For some children, access to early supports is the difference between requiring full assisted living as an adult, or being in a less restrictive group home environment, and those can be vastly different qualities of life. Regardless of whether your child will ever be assessed at a level other than 3, you can make choices now that improve their quality of life later., Intervention will help your son. The parents on this board are rockstars. I work with many autistic families and this board is not representative of the general population. The parents on this board are extremely astute and have gotten their children through the diagnostic and intervention process much faster than your average parent. You too are a rock star for seeking help for your son at the tender age of 4.
You are still ahead of the curve. My son is also 4.5 and he is non verbal. He has been receiving intervention for years. Not being verbal yet doesn’t mean he hasn’t made amazing progress in so many other areas. It’s worth it for your son. Keep going :), My son was diagnosed level 3, but he's progressing well. I was told that after yrs of therapy he should be a level 2, maybe a level 1 if hes very lucky by the time he's an adult. But he will always need some sort of accommodations. Therapy for him is speech and OT, he does need feeding therapy as well. He's also in spec ed. We arent doing ABA simply because he's doing well with what he's already in. I really think it depends on the kid. No 2 kids on the spectrum will be the same even if they are in the same therapy with the same therapist.,
ABA therapy is controversial, you can give it a try if you feel it’s the right thing to do. If it’s not working for your child you can always stop.
Personal opinion ahead:
I believe it can change up until adulthood/maturity.
It’s amazing how neurotypical people are given every excuse in the book until they’re 25. Rob a bank at 17? That’s ok poor little things brain won’t mature for another 8 years.
But god forbid an autistic child isn’t functioning like an adult by the time they’re 4. Any issues and it’s off to ye old asylum for you., My son (diagnosed "level 3") was nonverbal at 3.5 he's now almost 5 and with only OT, Speech, behavioral therapy, & state preschool (1 year in the SPED room, one in the general Ed), and a **lot** of work at home.
He's now using full sentences (pronunciation is still a work in progress), toilets independently, expresses and self regulates his emotions on a semi-frequent basis, and at his pre-k IEP meeting, we've established that next year he's going to a shared para with the intention of slowly letting him be independent, and he's basically graduated from OT. He continues to make progress every day, and absolutely struggles every day (don't we all tho lol)
I thought he would never be to this point, particularly because he regressed really hard speech wise as a toddler (went from a dozen+ words to non-verbal for over a year).
I feel like we owe to our kids to give them as many tools to succeed in life as we possibly can, maybe it looks differently than our lives or what we had planned but that's ok if we can help them live happy lives. Your kid deserves the best chance they can get, imo. , I’ve heard that usually by 7 or 8 is when you can tell what the general level will be. It’s not that they stop progressing at this age, but a level 3 or a high level 2 is unlikely to become a level 1 who’s barely detectable by adulthood. 4.5 is still a good age to expose your child to whatever therapies you can since a lot of change can still happen., How a kid is doing can change depending on the environment and the accommodations. Personally I don’t think levels are that helpful for that reason. Any therapy should be focused on the specific needs of your child., My son is now 20. Back when he was diagnosed, there were no levels. You were autistic and that was it. He was non verbal until age 5. Not potty trained until 6. We did all the therapies (OT, PT, play therapy, swim therapy, hippotherapy, ABA) 5 days a week until age 12. He has been in SpEd classrooms his whole life. And guess what? He is a level 3 as a young adult. I often wonder if the therapies actually helped at all or if he would have learned what he has anyway with time and maturity. Not trying to discourage you but I want to keep it real. When he was diagnosed at 3 years old the doctors sold me a bill of goods that he would be “fine”. It was a lie., Not trying to be rude but do you think your child is incapable of learning anything?, There’s no limit in my opinion.
50 years ago kids were put in institutions when they had autism, no other option and written off as hopeless
I watched a movie last week called “a mothers courage” about autism this came out in the early 2000s and I’m shocked how autism was discussed and treated just 20 years ago
Somehow it’s taken us 100 years of medicine to realize the brain is neuroplastic and can change throughout life
The more longitudal studies that come out the more we see autism can change at older and older ages. UC Davis did a study a few years ago that said autism severity changed a lot between 3-6 then they updated the study and said it still changes through 13, I can bet as those kids age they will have a new study saying it changes through 20 and so on
Temple grandin says she feels less autistic every year
My point is, medicine is still growing in this field. What was told 50 years ago is now completely wrong (autism is caused my refrigerator mothers ). I try not to get hung up on ages because of this.
Of course there are some kids who are very severely impacted have genetic issues that cannot be overcome, but if you’re seeing progress in your kids I wouldn’t expect it to come to a screeching halt because they turned a certain age, I don’t necessarily think that autism severity changes drastically in young children, it’s just difficult to measure what their trajectory looks like until they get older., It helped my grandson tremendously. Please try it, you have nothing to lose., I don't know if it will be helpful for your son, but it's absolutely helpful for mine. He's started eating on his own, a little bit of potty training, and coming home with new surprises every day.
I can now somewhat discipline my child when he does something bad by telling him to sit. He's been attempting to brush his teeth and doing much better following directions.
ABA, where I am, has been unbelievably helpful. If I'd left my son home with my apathetic wife, he'd be nowhere close to where he is now, and would probably mindlessly stare at YouTube all day.
My situation is unique. Your mileage may vary. It's important to start young though. Keep your goals realistic too. I went in without any, just knowing that this would be helpful, and god-damn am I lucky to have the ABA team that I do. My son pegs me for attention to the point where I don't have time to think, and somehow they've made such progress without my input or direction. I'm blessed because of them., My son is nonverbal lvl 3. Diagnosed at 3 due to a long wait. He will keep that same level always on paper, because he's non speaking.. He was in ST/OT /PPCD first. 0 results, due to his behaviors. School was a nightmare for everyone. I tried everything from food diets , sensory diet to supplement regimens. I was avoiding AbA since it was so controversial in the ASD community. But then as I kept researching it was the best therapy for him. He did okay but he was still unable to focus and stuff due to his ADHD. Doc added in meds to support therapy. Between ABA and meds he's a different kid . When he was diagnosed there was no joint attention, self regulation, social skills, interest in leisure activity, safety awareness, and the eloping was constant. He would stim for hours if allowed.
Fwd to last year where he's 12. He's amazing. He uses AAC to type to talk. He's in school full day in Spec Ed, but still made honor roll. Loves music, books and walking/hiking the family dogs. He didn't potty train fully till 7 I kept trying on my own again because I was avoiding the intense potty training. But it took that and he's completely restroom independent. His receptive language is amazing. Probably because he's Just in there listening ;taking it all in since he can't speak. And I've always spoken to him like an NT kid, never used baby talk or dumbed down language. Why? The world doesn't speak like that I wanted him to understand what's being said round him. I keep him to to date on teen slang so he knows what's up at school. 🤣
So he's doing amazing I figure I'll get him re tested. Not that he's lost his diagnosis but man he's a different person! Definitely lvl 2 I thought.
Same diagnosis lvl. Till they can vocalize words unfortunately they are going to stay on that level on paper. Because they will need substantial support since they don't vocally speak.
I was sad not for me but for him. All this work and NM wt some people will always only see that he can't do. As a mom it's infuriating and heart breaking at the same time.
So that's it no more testing. We all see his improvement and how hard he's worked. I think the spectrum umbrella is too wide. I hate that my son is under the same umbrella as say an Asperger's person. They are completely different. Grouping them makes both ends of the spectrum high and low lose out on services they should be getting. My hope to see nonverbal ASD stand independently as a diagnosis. You need to be there for his therapy or your partner. ABA can be stressful so as a nonverbal child they need an adult around monitoring. Till they can communicate we are their safe person.
All those book I read when he was diagnosed didn't help. Because they're aimed more for higher lvl kids and preverbal. Only things that helps me understand my boy is reading books by nonverbal autistics. They're life changing.
How can I Speak if my Lips Don't Move ?, Ido in Autismland, and Thinking in Pictures.
ABA saved my son's life and gave him life skills he will use forever. He left ABA this year but I won't hesitate to use them again if necessary. But he's doing great for where he was and where I thought he'd be! When he was small I thought he's going to end up in the mad house when I'm gone. But now he has the skills to be some what independent and communicate. Communication is #1. A lot of behaviors are due to lack of communication. My son started with color photos, PECS didn't register for him too vague. I kept them in a book and he'd give me photos of what he wanted or needed. Then moved up to an app still took my own photos in the apps instead of Pecs images. After a year or two he started understanding the PECS images. So we moved onto an AAC device with LAMP on it. In that app you can type or use the icons. I taught him typing on the computer during COVID. So I tried getting him to type in the app. He loved it so we focused on building that. He's not writing books or anything but he can. Speak for himself and that's all I really wanted. Do the ABA don't expect his lvl to change on paper but he will absolutely change before your eyes. My son started showing great improvement around 7/8. Puberty is bringing some little things back but nothing too severe. Just some stims and repetition. I allow this because I know it's his body way of dealing with the neurological/hormonal changes. I do keep a timer and then distract him with a higher desired activity. But I can't imagine he'd who he is without ABA. Sry so long just really think it's important kids like ours learn life skills(safety/independent skills) and to communicate functionally. ABA saved his life. , This is a problem I have when it comes to the assignment of levels: it isn't explained properly to parents, they hear level 3, and they think "wiping their ass forever, unable to feed themselves or communicate in any way." And for a small proportion, that will be true.
The last figure I saw suggested the median age for potty training is 9 for autistic children.
My perspective will be a little different: we're a multiplex family, and what we know is that in families like mine, autism tends to be less severe than in families where the autism is caused by a spontaneous mutation.
That said, my sons are 6 and 9 and both have a level 3 diagnosis.
My oldest is fully potty trained, he's starting to be conversational with AAC, he's reading at grade level and comprehension seems to be good. He can do basic housework. He is to some degree intellectually disabled. Is he ever going to be fully independent? No. But he could absolutely function as a member of a household with some support.
4 is far too early to give up. NO ONE will know your child like you do. Here are some gems I've heard over the years from professionals...
"Your son is severely intellectually disabled." Then how is he reading and comprehending like he is? Because I taught him.
"Your child is too disabled to learn how to use AAC."
I see it this way: if you give up and your son doesn't progress the way you hoped, maybe it's innate. Or maybe it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you keep trying and he still doesn't succeed - you spent some time together, which is never a loss. If you keep trying and he does succeed, it's in no small part because of the parents. Keep pushing. , Tl;dr: Try it, might make a huge difference, if you can find a great BCBA. YMMV, but definitely worth a try.
We started around the same age. Our child was not non-verbal, but language has exploded through ABA in a way that it did not through speech therapy alone. Credit also to the kindergarten that welcomed the ABA therapist team to be at school full-time initially, then fading out to zero 10 months later. Got into private elementary school, and fully up to grade level, starting WAY behind. We are thrilled (though still of course not the easiest child in the world)., Every person I talk to that did not get early intervention and ABA regretted it on a personal level. Looking back and saying "I did everything I could" is my idea. I would move mountains to help my child even just a little bit., We weren't able to get intervention for my nonverbal son until he was 4 (unable to leave a foreign country where no resources were available). He's 5 now and has made amazing progress in terms of communication (uses an AAC device) and has more impulse control/patience. His therapists remark at how bright and affectionate he is, but he's also the most hyperactive kid they work with and it's exhausting.
I've accepted at this point that he'll always be level 3 and may not ever speak, if he does he'll have an impediment. I just want him to be able to communicate, take care of his hygiene, work with therapists, and not do anything dangerous (attacking others, running away, eating poison) by the time he's an adult., Idk if this helps but Here's how our sons experience went. Our kid was also in daycare from 10weeks to the spring before kindergarten, which I think helped him being around people and kids.
0-1 year: seemed like a normal baby and milestones were hit.
1-2 years: no words. Didn't really play with toys. Point to objects or share interests. Walked with holding hands but wouldn't walk alone until 18 months.
2-3 years. We started therapys and had a handful of words used. He wouldn't say hungry, but apple or cracker.
3-4 years: more language growth to 2-4 word sentences. Potty trained to pee. Still pooping in diapers. Still lacked hand strength and dexterity with drawing, cutting, opening things, and zippers/buttons. Could get some articles of clothes on. Could use spoons and forks okay.
4-5 years/prek: 5 day a week day treatment plus therapies. Lots of language growth but still very far behind. Potty trained to poop on the toilet. Starting to say more internal ideas like what he likes or dislikes. What he is feeling sometimes. Drawing and writing is still tough for him to do.
5-6/kindergarten: lots of language growth. Not conversational but waaaayyy more words and ideas. We had our second child which was a secret blessing because although he was terrified of him the first 4-6 months once the baby started laughing it was like a whole new world opened for him. This is when we also have seen lots of frustrations and physical resistance, which is imo from the frustrations of inability to fully communicate or understand some harder concepts. Started horse back riding/equine therapy. Made a friend at school who is also autistic.
6-7/1st grade: started medicine to help with anxiety. HUGE and I mean Bernie sanders Yuge growth in language, trying foods, drawing has been incredible with growth, and reading. This year has given me a lot of hope that maybe he will be able to live a life on his own. I have moments where this is crushed when I see other kids his age and how far behind he is, but then I meet some of his classmates and am greatful that things aren't worse. Doctors appt gave become easier. Dentist is doing trust building appts, Which have helped. Still sees his friend which we know because that friend tells their mom they saw our kid and played at school.
I 100% believe that him being in daycare and also starting therapys and having the school help us 18 months to 2 years was beneficial to him and his socialization and growth. He loves people and kids, he just has a hard time connecting with them because there is a gap in how they both interact and communicate. I am not religious but I pray to the universe that one day that gap can be connected.
We have never done ABA. We never got a level until 6 years old. We were told lvl 3. Keep in mind he is able to talk, eat, get dressed, use the bathroom, wash his hands, and other essential ADLs. So iml he's a level 3 to get resources. The schools don't use levels and i think they are silly., It will help. Please put him in it if you can, I like this! My kiddo is still definitely lvl 3 but he has made some small incremental progress lately that is honestly SO COOL. I’m so happy with it even if it would still be disaster level for even a lot of special needs kids.
I think for me it has been a journey of realizing how incredibly individual every situation is. We can’t even compare against other lvl 3 asd kids., Absolutely! To me, the most important word will always be "no". Of course functional communication and deep conversations are great - but ultimately, telling (or signing, or showing) others that you don't consent improves quality of life greatly., What kind of things are you doing at home? I know every child is different but ours has essentially picked up the concept that school is school and home is home. Any crossing of those environments leads to withdrawal or a tantrum.
Just looking for ideas, thanks., Aww. He's a trooper., I'd say it's closer to 10 for the general trajectory (had too many students test out of the ID/life skills setting after a year or two), if a child is non-speaking by age 12 (and had therapy before) they're likely to stay non-speaking., Some kids literally are incapable of learning anything significant at the most extreme end of ID., I am glad that your grandson had a good experience, but I disagree that all therapy is a net gain for all kids. The idea that there is “nothing to lose” is a little insulting to the child., I’d like to know too! Was it child-led play time on the floor? We did a lot of that and other things as well, but I’m always open to hearing new ideas and methods.
Also, AbleObject, if you don’t mind sharing, how was/is your kid’s receptive language? Was it always good or was it low then got better? Thanks., I’m at the point that my child is about to start kindy, and the pre school teachers have told us that they don’t think mainstream school is the right fit. The only other option for us is home school. But home is home, where he can be and do whatever he wants. I have no idea how I can even put rules in place for home learning., So the first thing we had to do was limit both quantity of screentime (we *shoot* for no TV before school at noon, and no more 2 hours after (we work split shifts because he was thrown out of two daycares long ago), **we do NOT always succeed** and some days are special lazy days, to be completely honest. We're not perfect by any means lol) and the quality (only educational content, PBS kids is great and we'll miss noggin, no YouTube beyond ms Rachel when he was younger, who was helpful for speech to a degree tbh)
We have a bit of a formal and informal split, my wife found out about *TeacherPayTeachers* and *Autism Little Learners* through the preschool and has been using quite a bit of their resources, worksheets, activities, etc, she got a circle time rug and does a short circle time thing in the AM. In the beginning this was all scheduled out properly (in order, not necessarily time) with homemade visual schedules, first we're having breakfast, then a walk to the park, then a worksheet, etc and slowly backed off as he got used to it. Also worth looking into various educational activity books available online, things like executive functioning, cognitive development, etc. Leapfrog has some great stuff, he really likes the Leapstart specifically now.
The informal side is trying to make everyday happenings into learning experiences, things like "oh we need 2 eggs for brownies, can you count them out", "oh that person looks upset, how could they calm down" (out of earshot of course lol). It was kinda challenging at first I'm not gonna lie but I kept trying and literally one day it was just a habit and second nature.
The other thing that helped was syncing with the school on both activities, stuff like singing the same song at circle time at home as at school, using the same prompt words ("go fingers" is the current one, learning to hold pencil properly), even matching themes for activities (That's a little easier, it's mostly just holidays and seasons) and also syncing with behavioral issues and how to treat them, it's mostly gentle parenting essentially. Having that consistency between environments really seems to help.
And I am not going to sugarcoat it, it was absolutely a struggle at the beginning, both tantrums and meltdowns, the whole thing. Ya just got to stick with it, start small if you need, take the victories as they come and build off of what you can as you go. Don't let perfect stand in the way of progress, and try to build up their confidence as much as possible while you're doing doing it. And try to not give up, you can absolutely lessen your expectations depending on their reaction/mood but shoot for at least something, if just token participation, what you'll have to do first is build the habit and that's hard lol
Good luck, I hope at least a little of this helps you be successful, lmk if there's any other detail I could provide ☺️, We're very blessed, he loves to learn and is so curious, and my wife is practically a sped teacher at this point and really puts in the work, she's a saint and cannot get enough credit. I'm thankful to be so lucky 🙏, I know. It was a genuine question. Does OP think that, at 4.5, there I nothing he can get out of it? I started my son at 4 and it’s been a blessing but he learns fast., I had to read this a number of times before I could figure out how you could read that as insulting, but I get it now.
I don’t think it was meant like that - IMO it means that the risk is extremely low, practically zero, not that there’s no worse situation imaginable. At worst, it simply won’t help…. I agree with that.
I think ABA is much more likely to have negative eg on lvl 1 kids where the “right” thing to do is a lot more ambiguous . For lvl 3, in my experience it’s usually pretty obvious what to do in terms of just giving them opportunities all the time to work on basic skills., Without knowing a lot more about this child, none of us can say what is recommended for them., I mean, no one can say anything for certain on these topics, even with perfect information. Not even parents or doctors or the children themselves.
For general directions and generally helpful suggestions, I find this forum very useful.
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Time change
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Anyone else having a hell of a time with this time change? 😵💫
My son was on perfect schedule 8pm-7am sleep
Now has been 12am-11:30am 🥲🥲
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Yup. My son is usually asleep between 830/9pm. He fell asleep after 11pm last night 😩, Ugh. They're all messed up., Sleep, routine, and behavior. It's been rough. I hated time change already, I didn't need extra reasons to hate it, lol., Three worst times as a parent -- spring forward, 4th of July, and fall back., We also got a cold over the weekend 🙃, Feels!, Same here. Double whammy., Yup. My son is usually asleep between 830/9pm. He fell asleep after 11pm last night 😩, Ugh. They're all messed up., Sleep, routine, and behavior. It's been rough. I hated time change already, I didn't need extra reasons to hate it, lol., Three worst times as a parent -- spring forward, 4th of July, and fall back., We also got a cold over the weekend 🙃, Feels!, Same here. Double whammy., Yup. My son is usually asleep between 830/9pm. He fell asleep after 11pm last night 😩, Ugh. They're all messed up., Sleep, routine, and behavior. It's been rough. I hated time change already, I didn't need extra reasons to hate it, lol., Three worst times as a parent -- spring forward, 4th of July, and fall back., We also got a cold over the weekend 🙃, Feels!, Same here. Double whammy., Yup. My son is usually asleep between 830/9pm. He fell asleep after 11pm last night 😩, Ugh. They're all messed up., Sleep, routine, and behavior. It's been rough. I hated time change already, I didn't need extra reasons to hate it, lol., Three worst times as a parent -- spring forward, 4th of July, and fall back., We also got a cold over the weekend 🙃, Feels!, Same here. Double whammy.
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Tips for long flights with our kiddos?
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We are preparing to take our boys, 4 and 5 who both have nonverbal ASD on a seven hour flight. They do ok on car rides and have each done an hour long flight before but never anything like this. Any advice or resources? Thanks!
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Noise cancelling headphones, kids Dramamine, a fully charged iPad with headphones and movies/TV shows downloaded, some melatonin, new toys that they have never seen before, snacks snacks snacks, and there favorite beverage.
We did a 6 hour flight with our two autistic children and they usually go pretty well honestly, they sleep for a good chunk of them.
It's a huge pain in the rear, but bringing the car seats on the plane helped my daughter because it made her feel like she had to stay where she was.
When you get to the gate you can ask them to board early. Tell them you have children with a intellectual disability and they should give you priority boarding.
If you can get TSA Pre Check that will save you a lot of time. If you don't have pre check, talk with TSA Cares, they will help escort you through and can even provide a little sensory bag with sound blocking headphones actually which was nice., I download my daughter’s favorite movies to an iPad and don’t worry about screen time. Tons of snacks. Post it notes (lots of fun to stick to everything, easy to clean up and toss). We flew many times without a car seat, but the last time we flew (when she was as newly 3) we brought the car seat on the plane. I will never fly without the car seat again. It keeps her contained and she is calmer! It is a pain in the butt to get it on the plane. And it has to be in a window seat., My son is into sensory fidget toys, so when we fly we usually order a giant box of them, trying to get ones he doesn’t have. We then curate two separate bags of them, one for each flight, and either they come out gradually to keep him busy or we just let him root around and play. Alternating this with favorite snacks works well., Noise cancelling headphones, kids Dramamine, a fully charged iPad with headphones and movies/TV shows downloaded, some melatonin, new toys that they have never seen before, snacks snacks snacks, and there favorite beverage.
We did a 6 hour flight with our two autistic children and they usually go pretty well honestly, they sleep for a good chunk of them.
It's a huge pain in the rear, but bringing the car seats on the plane helped my daughter because it made her feel like she had to stay where she was.
When you get to the gate you can ask them to board early. Tell them you have children with a intellectual disability and they should give you priority boarding.
If you can get TSA Pre Check that will save you a lot of time. If you don't have pre check, talk with TSA Cares, they will help escort you through and can even provide a little sensory bag with sound blocking headphones actually which was nice., I download my daughter’s favorite movies to an iPad and don’t worry about screen time. Tons of snacks. Post it notes (lots of fun to stick to everything, easy to clean up and toss). We flew many times without a car seat, but the last time we flew (when she was as newly 3) we brought the car seat on the plane. I will never fly without the car seat again. It keeps her contained and she is calmer! It is a pain in the butt to get it on the plane. And it has to be in a window seat., My son is into sensory fidget toys, so when we fly we usually order a giant box of them, trying to get ones he doesn’t have. We then curate two separate bags of them, one for each flight, and either they come out gradually to keep him busy or we just let him root around and play. Alternating this with favorite snacks works well., Noise cancelling headphones, kids Dramamine, a fully charged iPad with headphones and movies/TV shows downloaded, some melatonin, new toys that they have never seen before, snacks snacks snacks, and there favorite beverage.
We did a 6 hour flight with our two autistic children and they usually go pretty well honestly, they sleep for a good chunk of them.
It's a huge pain in the rear, but bringing the car seats on the plane helped my daughter because it made her feel like she had to stay where she was.
When you get to the gate you can ask them to board early. Tell them you have children with a intellectual disability and they should give you priority boarding.
If you can get TSA Pre Check that will save you a lot of time. If you don't have pre check, talk with TSA Cares, they will help escort you through and can even provide a little sensory bag with sound blocking headphones actually which was nice., I download my daughter’s favorite movies to an iPad and don’t worry about screen time. Tons of snacks. Post it notes (lots of fun to stick to everything, easy to clean up and toss). We flew many times without a car seat, but the last time we flew (when she was as newly 3) we brought the car seat on the plane. I will never fly without the car seat again. It keeps her contained and she is calmer! It is a pain in the butt to get it on the plane. And it has to be in a window seat., My son is into sensory fidget toys, so when we fly we usually order a giant box of them, trying to get ones he doesn’t have. We then curate two separate bags of them, one for each flight, and either they come out gradually to keep him busy or we just let him root around and play. Alternating this with favorite snacks works well., Noise cancelling headphones, kids Dramamine, a fully charged iPad with headphones and movies/TV shows downloaded, some melatonin, new toys that they have never seen before, snacks snacks snacks, and there favorite beverage.
We did a 6 hour flight with our two autistic children and they usually go pretty well honestly, they sleep for a good chunk of them.
It's a huge pain in the rear, but bringing the car seats on the plane helped my daughter because it made her feel like she had to stay where she was.
When you get to the gate you can ask them to board early. Tell them you have children with a intellectual disability and they should give you priority boarding.
If you can get TSA Pre Check that will save you a lot of time. If you don't have pre check, talk with TSA Cares, they will help escort you through and can even provide a little sensory bag with sound blocking headphones actually which was nice., I download my daughter’s favorite movies to an iPad and don’t worry about screen time. Tons of snacks. Post it notes (lots of fun to stick to everything, easy to clean up and toss). We flew many times without a car seat, but the last time we flew (when she was as newly 3) we brought the car seat on the plane. I will never fly without the car seat again. It keeps her contained and she is calmer! It is a pain in the butt to get it on the plane. And it has to be in a window seat., My son is into sensory fidget toys, so when we fly we usually order a giant box of them, trying to get ones he doesn’t have. We then curate two separate bags of them, one for each flight, and either they come out gradually to keep him busy or we just let him root around and play. Alternating this with favorite snacks works well., Noise cancelling headphones, kids Dramamine, a fully charged iPad with headphones and movies/TV shows downloaded, some melatonin, new toys that they have never seen before, snacks snacks snacks, and there favorite beverage.
We did a 6 hour flight with our two autistic children and they usually go pretty well honestly, they sleep for a good chunk of them.
It's a huge pain in the rear, but bringing the car seats on the plane helped my daughter because it made her feel like she had to stay where she was.
When you get to the gate you can ask them to board early. Tell them you have children with a intellectual disability and they should give you priority boarding.
If you can get TSA Pre Check that will save you a lot of time. If you don't have pre check, talk with TSA Cares, they will help escort you through and can even provide a little sensory bag with sound blocking headphones actually which was nice., I download my daughter’s favorite movies to an iPad and don’t worry about screen time. Tons of snacks. Post it notes (lots of fun to stick to everything, easy to clean up and toss). We flew many times without a car seat, but the last time we flew (when she was as newly 3) we brought the car seat on the plane. I will never fly without the car seat again. It keeps her contained and she is calmer! It is a pain in the butt to get it on the plane. And it has to be in a window seat., My son is into sensory fidget toys, so when we fly we usually order a giant box of them, trying to get ones he doesn’t have. We then curate two separate bags of them, one for each flight, and either they come out gradually to keep him busy or we just let him root around and play. Alternating this with favorite snacks works well., Noise cancelling headphones, kids Dramamine, a fully charged iPad with headphones and movies/TV shows downloaded, some melatonin, new toys that they have never seen before, snacks snacks snacks, and there favorite beverage.
We did a 6 hour flight with our two autistic children and they usually go pretty well honestly, they sleep for a good chunk of them.
It's a huge pain in the rear, but bringing the car seats on the plane helped my daughter because it made her feel like she had to stay where she was.
When you get to the gate you can ask them to board early. Tell them you have children with a intellectual disability and they should give you priority boarding.
If you can get TSA Pre Check that will save you a lot of time. If you don't have pre check, talk with TSA Cares, they will help escort you through and can even provide a little sensory bag with sound blocking headphones actually which was nice., I download my daughter’s favorite movies to an iPad and don’t worry about screen time. Tons of snacks. Post it notes (lots of fun to stick to everything, easy to clean up and toss). We flew many times without a car seat, but the last time we flew (when she was as newly 3) we brought the car seat on the plane. I will never fly without the car seat again. It keeps her contained and she is calmer! It is a pain in the butt to get it on the plane. And it has to be in a window seat., My son is into sensory fidget toys, so when we fly we usually order a giant box of them, trying to get ones he doesn’t have. We then curate two separate bags of them, one for each flight, and either they come out gradually to keep him busy or we just let him root around and play. Alternating this with favorite snacks works well., Noise cancelling headphones, kids Dramamine, a fully charged iPad with headphones and movies/TV shows downloaded, some melatonin, new toys that they have never seen before, snacks snacks snacks, and there favorite beverage.
We did a 6 hour flight with our two autistic children and they usually go pretty well honestly, they sleep for a good chunk of them.
It's a huge pain in the rear, but bringing the car seats on the plane helped my daughter because it made her feel like she had to stay where she was.
When you get to the gate you can ask them to board early. Tell them you have children with a intellectual disability and they should give you priority boarding.
If you can get TSA Pre Check that will save you a lot of time. If you don't have pre check, talk with TSA Cares, they will help escort you through and can even provide a little sensory bag with sound blocking headphones actually which was nice., I download my daughter’s favorite movies to an iPad and don’t worry about screen time. Tons of snacks. Post it notes (lots of fun to stick to everything, easy to clean up and toss). We flew many times without a car seat, but the last time we flew (when she was as newly 3) we brought the car seat on the plane. I will never fly without the car seat again. It keeps her contained and she is calmer! It is a pain in the butt to get it on the plane. And it has to be in a window seat., My son is into sensory fidget toys, so when we fly we usually order a giant box of them, trying to get ones he doesn’t have. We then curate two separate bags of them, one for each flight, and either they come out gradually to keep him busy or we just let him root around and play. Alternating this with favorite snacks works well., Noise cancelling headphones, kids Dramamine, a fully charged iPad with headphones and movies/TV shows downloaded, some melatonin, new toys that they have never seen before, snacks snacks snacks, and there favorite beverage.
We did a 6 hour flight with our two autistic children and they usually go pretty well honestly, they sleep for a good chunk of them.
It's a huge pain in the rear, but bringing the car seats on the plane helped my daughter because it made her feel like she had to stay where she was.
When you get to the gate you can ask them to board early. Tell them you have children with a intellectual disability and they should give you priority boarding.
If you can get TSA Pre Check that will save you a lot of time. If you don't have pre check, talk with TSA Cares, they will help escort you through and can even provide a little sensory bag with sound blocking headphones actually which was nice., I download my daughter’s favorite movies to an iPad and don’t worry about screen time. Tons of snacks. Post it notes (lots of fun to stick to everything, easy to clean up and toss). We flew many times without a car seat, but the last time we flew (when she was as newly 3) we brought the car seat on the plane. I will never fly without the car seat again. It keeps her contained and she is calmer! It is a pain in the butt to get it on the plane. And it has to be in a window seat., My son is into sensory fidget toys, so when we fly we usually order a giant box of them, trying to get ones he doesn’t have. We then curate two separate bags of them, one for each flight, and either they come out gradually to keep him busy or we just let him root around and play. Alternating this with favorite snacks works well., Noise cancelling headphones, kids Dramamine, a fully charged iPad with headphones and movies/TV shows downloaded, some melatonin, new toys that they have never seen before, snacks snacks snacks, and there favorite beverage.
We did a 6 hour flight with our two autistic children and they usually go pretty well honestly, they sleep for a good chunk of them.
It's a huge pain in the rear, but bringing the car seats on the plane helped my daughter because it made her feel like she had to stay where she was.
When you get to the gate you can ask them to board early. Tell them you have children with a intellectual disability and they should give you priority boarding.
If you can get TSA Pre Check that will save you a lot of time. If you don't have pre check, talk with TSA Cares, they will help escort you through and can even provide a little sensory bag with sound blocking headphones actually which was nice., I download my daughter’s favorite movies to an iPad and don’t worry about screen time. Tons of snacks. Post it notes (lots of fun to stick to everything, easy to clean up and toss). We flew many times without a car seat, but the last time we flew (when she was as newly 3) we brought the car seat on the plane. I will never fly without the car seat again. It keeps her contained and she is calmer! It is a pain in the butt to get it on the plane. And it has to be in a window seat., My son is into sensory fidget toys, so when we fly we usually order a giant box of them, trying to get ones he doesn’t have. We then curate two separate bags of them, one for each flight, and either they come out gradually to keep him busy or we just let him root around and play. Alternating this with favorite snacks works well.
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Tips to go from basic speech to conversation
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First time poster here, my son is 4 years old and on the spectrum. There wasn’t any regression or anything, he always had symptoms including being non-verbal and I finally came out of my sea of denial when he was 2.
As we live in the Caribbean there aren’t a lot of resources here. He did ABA once a week for an hour and same for speech and OT. ABA therapy has ended because there’s literally only one BCBA here and he wasn’t considered severe enough to continue but he still does the latter two.
He’s come very far from not saying a word in his first 2 and a half years, to now (concisely) telling us what food and activities he wants to do, what he sees etc. However since he’s started school I notice he’s desperately trying to talk to kids but doesn’t know how. He will say hi and bye at the appropriate times but the other kids are so much further advanced language wise and he just cannot keep up so he remains silent. At a play date I overheard this little girl refer to him as an “alien” and it broke me. (He wasn’t aware of what she said and meant.)
I don’t know if there’s anything I can do to encourage more of a back and forth, I play with him everyday and he does speak to me more than anyone else. I honestly am so grateful for any speech but if he’s striving to do more but feels “stuck” I want to do whatever I can to help him. Any advice to encourage these conversational skills? Books, techniques, etc? I’m open to anything
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Do you have access to speech therapy? I didn’t see anything about speech, maybe I missed it? If not, you could even consider online speech therapy where you could talk to the therapist and get strategies. Is his receptive language also delayed? You mentioned that he didn’t understand what the little girl said. Before he could work on conversations, there are basic blocks of communication that he needs to obtain. Where is he exactly? Can he respond to questions besides basic needs? (e.g., How was your day today?) Does he comment about things that happen to him? (that was cool, let’s do it again!) Does he share with you and use language to share? (e.g., Look at my new toy, mommy!) , He does speech therapy and I try to implement as much as possible at home. He can respond to some questions besides wants and needs like “where is XYZ” or “who was at school today?” I don’t get responses to what he did at school or if he had fun. He also doesn’t ask anyone questions., Do you have access to speech therapy? I didn’t see anything about speech, maybe I missed it? If not, you could even consider online speech therapy where you could talk to the therapist and get strategies. Is his receptive language also delayed? You mentioned that he didn’t understand what the little girl said. Before he could work on conversations, there are basic blocks of communication that he needs to obtain. Where is he exactly? Can he respond to questions besides basic needs? (e.g., How was your day today?) Does he comment about things that happen to him? (that was cool, let’s do it again!) Does he share with you and use language to share? (e.g., Look at my new toy, mommy!) , He does speech therapy and I try to implement as much as possible at home. He can respond to some questions besides wants and needs like “where is XYZ” or “who was at school today?” I don’t get responses to what he did at school or if he had fun. He also doesn’t ask anyone questions., Do you have access to speech therapy? I didn’t see anything about speech, maybe I missed it? If not, you could even consider online speech therapy where you could talk to the therapist and get strategies. Is his receptive language also delayed? You mentioned that he didn’t understand what the little girl said. Before he could work on conversations, there are basic blocks of communication that he needs to obtain. Where is he exactly? Can he respond to questions besides basic needs? (e.g., How was your day today?) Does he comment about things that happen to him? (that was cool, let’s do it again!) Does he share with you and use language to share? (e.g., Look at my new toy, mommy!) , He does speech therapy and I try to implement as much as possible at home. He can respond to some questions besides wants and needs like “where is XYZ” or “who was at school today?” I don’t get responses to what he did at school or if he had fun. He also doesn’t ask anyone questions., Do you have access to speech therapy? I didn’t see anything about speech, maybe I missed it? If not, you could even consider online speech therapy where you could talk to the therapist and get strategies. Is his receptive language also delayed? You mentioned that he didn’t understand what the little girl said. Before he could work on conversations, there are basic blocks of communication that he needs to obtain. Where is he exactly? Can he respond to questions besides basic needs? (e.g., How was your day today?) Does he comment about things that happen to him? (that was cool, let’s do it again!) Does he share with you and use language to share? (e.g., Look at my new toy, mommy!) , He does speech therapy and I try to implement as much as possible at home. He can respond to some questions besides wants and needs like “where is XYZ” or “who was at school today?” I don’t get responses to what he did at school or if he had fun. He also doesn’t ask anyone questions.
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Tips with improving independence/life skills.
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Anybody here have kiddos who once needed 100% support with daily living skills like dressing, bathing, brushing teeth, wiping on the potty, etc. but reached a level of complete independence with these tasks?
If so, what did you do to achieve that? How did you manage your frustration and exhaustion while working on these things?
We had somewhat of a rough morning getting ready for school because I could not manage my irritation and while getting my son dressed I just straight up said “I need you to figure out how to put on your pants bc I do not want to help you right now”. He brushed his teeth almost 100% by himself this morning…and even though we ~just~ acquired this skill over the summer and that is a HUGE accomplishment, I couldn’t help but allow myself to get hung up on him struggling to put the cap on the toothpaste; something he does with ease every morning.
Some context: I’m a 150% single mom. My son is 6, lvl3/NV and is already 2/3 of my size. He really is the happiest most sweetest kid. Recently, the physical aggressions and just the general getting ready for the day/bed routine is starting to become physically taxing because he’s becoming bigger and stronger. I am on the spectrum myself, struggle with depression/anxiety my whole life and still deal with the typical life stuff any other adult/parents deal eith, and some other not so common traumas/struggles on top of that.
This morning is not a common occurrence and I feel really ashamed and like a shit parent for telling my kid who clearly needs my help that I just don’t want to help him…and not that sorry fixes anything but I did apologize to him afterward. I’m struggling for patience here. I started therapy for myself this week with the goal of working on finding other ways to cope when I’m irritated/frustrated. I don’t want to traumatize my son or affect his self esteem/image the way my parents did to me as a kid. I’m looking for a way to, for lack of better words, “bootcamp” him into independence as it is becoming painfully overwhelming for me to do the bulk of the work, and it seems like my style of modeling these skills is not resonating with him or helping him become more independent.
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Does your son do any OT?
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Tired of the “Don’t Helicopter Parent!” crowd even though I used to be in it
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My 3 year old is a floppy kid with a history of hypotonia and a bone fracture from a simple fall who can’t jump or climb. Yet he will constantly put himself in danger’s way! If I take him around family or the park I keep hearing the phrases: “don’t hover”, “let a kid be a kid”, “let him fall to learn” and I’m just DONE with hearing that mentality even though I used to be part of the problem.
Before I gave birth I read a lot about gentle parenting, Montessori, and how to avoid helicopter parenting so a kid can learn self-reliance - but now I realize I can’t fully apply those styles to my kid. I don’t want to helicopter or not trust him because I see so many of the other mom’s not have this issue with their child. I know I should say screw other people’s opinions but I don’t know what to do when I still share that opinion. Like I don’t want to helicopter either, but I also don’t want him to break anything else or hurt himself anymore. I haven’t seen much improvement since starting OT but I’m feeling so disappointed and burned out.
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It's really hard not to helicopter a kid with no danger awareness. Think about where he's at developmentally in terms of danger awareness, not his chronological age, and parent accordingly. My son is three but according to his evaluation has the danger awareness of a one year old. For certain things like wandering around the house, he does not need to be closely supervised, but in public, near parking lots, around playground equipment? You bet., Supervising children who have no sense of danger is NOT helicopter parenting at all. It’s just being a good parent and watching them. Helicopter parent is where someone constantly hovers of a child and gives them 0 privacy or ability to grow at all. From what I can tell, that’s not necessarily what you’re doing. And even if you are helicopter-parenting, it can’t be helped because your son is only 3. I have a level 3 14 y/o and I also have to constantly supervise him too, since can’t tell us if he gets hurt and I also don’t want him to get hurt. You shouldn’t feel bad for being a “helicopter parent” in this case since you’re not, you’re only supervising your kid and thats a good thing., I feel bad because I literally have to sit by the pool and consistently redirect and reinforce my child during her swim lessons. I feel like a helicopter parent but it's the only way that will keep her focused and everyone safe., I hear you on this! I'm self-conscious about how overbearing I look when I'm hovering around my kid.
He's at the end of being three, but we still use a convertible stroller in the big kid mode for longer walks. Someone saw us walking by the sidewalk in front of their house and said something like "Aren't you babying him too much?" I was just like "He has a disability."
That ended that., It’s not helicoptering when your child literally has different Physio- developmental support needs especially if those needs are higher in some areas than other kids. People operate from their own frame of reference and what they know - and using that phrase as applied to another child that isn’t theirs is one example, I don't feel bad for being a helicopter parent. My child isn't capable at 5 to make the decisions to keep himself safe. He also has significant health concerns outside of his Autism. I would tell those parents to mind their own business. I am reminded every day how not like other children my child is. I'm obviously not going to be able to parent him the same way., Their advice simply is not applicable because they are not raising a child with ASD like you are., As you said, you can’t fully apply those styles of parenting to your kid. I was the same with my son when he was younger. But of course the people saying these things 1) weren’t the ones responsible for my son and 2) didn’t know anything about my son and what he needs and/or does not need. He is 16 now so I’m not really needing to hover. I do still worry about him in certain settings though. I was told he is “high functioning” but he is very easily taken advantage of. He goes along with what anyone tells him even if it doesn’t sound right. Like some classmate told him to let him have his new iPhone and he handed it over without thinking twice. No one style of parenting is a one size fits all for every kid., I didn't get the ASD diagnosis for my kid until she was 9, and even then i had to seek it out. But my husband and I both always knew something was "different" about her and I can promise there were times on the playground had I not been standing right there to stop her she would have fall backwards off the side of a 6ft high slide or stepped right off the side of a jungle gym. I initially let it bother me when people made those comments, but then I just started getting annoyed with them for not minding their own business. I had to helicopter her until she was about 7 and I don't regret it one bit. I don't buy into the whole "she was given to me for a reason" but I will say she sure is lucky she didn't grow up with some other parents I've met along the way. I know my kid best and her well being comes before whatever concerns of what other parents think of me. Back then I would usually just say something along the lines of "unfortunately i don't have a choice with this one", The last time my mom told me to just let our son be, he fell spectacularly and ripped the curtains off the wall in the process. Thankful she's listened to me since. He's been to the minor emergency twice for stitches before he was 5. He's just a mix of super uncoordinated and driven to run full speed everywhere. Oddly enough, his sister is the polar opposite and has incredible balance and grace. Which adds to my stress because he tries to copy her. Anyway, these days I don't have to follow as closely, he's gotten a lot better. But I still tense up when he jumps off stuff!, My ex thinks that I’m over involved and I should just let my daughter “be normal”. He doesn’t go to her fun runs or school swimming and hasn’t met her teachers aide in the two years that my daughter has been at school. He thinks I’m making a big deal out of it. I think, if I can help my daughter integrate and be part of a school community, I will 100% be over involved until she or her teacher asks me to stop!, This does not sound like “helicopter parenting”. It sounds like parenting. Your child’s situation requires greater supervision, and as far as other parents are concerned they can sit on tacks. Don’t let their complaints get to you. And certainly don’t let them curb your mind into thinking you’re doing what you said you’d “never do”.
I had to supervise my daughter until she was four because of her lack of danger awareness. Did it make play dates exhausting? You bet. But also, I caught her from what could have been some nasty falls. I second the poster who suggested speaking with his OT. They are there not only to help your child, but you as well. We started OT when my daughter was two and it’s only been in the last year that she is able to make better judgement calls on danger and where her body is. But every single visit I can, I pick the OT’s brain about XYZ., There is the safety issue of course but they literally have a social/communication disorder. If I didn’t stand by, my son would go around unintentionally disrespecting others. It would cause a lot of totally preventable confusion/issues. Facilitated interactions benefit everyone. Parents usually are able to just speak to their kids and guide them through things in that way, maybe stepping in once in a while. We can’t really do that. Don’t feel bad., I have to be aware 24/7 of what my son is doing. If I am not paying attention he gets into all sorts of trouble., I can't not, my son needs 'active supervision' when awake for his and others safety, What you're doing isn't helicopter parenting - you seem to be supervising your child the appropiate amount for their developmental level and physical ability.
Helicopter parenting is never allowing a child to make mistakes or take risks that are appropriate for their age and development, as well as have no serious consequences - like sending death threats to your child's aide because he bumped his knee, or not letting your child get a bad grade, or never letting them fall when the likely outcome is a scraped knee.
It's important to not overbear your child, if you're afraid you're doing that maybe discuss it with his OT. They tend to have a good idea of how your child is doing, what activities he needs close supervision on and where you can back off a little. His OTs opinion counts, that of random people on the street doesn't- they don't know your son or his disability, the only thing they know is what age he looks and how the average child that age behaves., You parent the child you have not the one you wish you had. A parent once commented to me that he didn't think I should hover so closely to my child and allow her more independence at the playground. I'm like, cool says the person who is not responsible for taking her to the ER when she walks off a very high surface completely unaware 🙄, Yes, exactly this! I can’t wait until we get evaluated - the waiting period is miserable., The original meaning of helicopter parent was for the parents of adult children at university. It was never meant to apply to minors to begin with!, To me that sounds like a supportive parent., I really respect the way you handled that person’s rudeness re: the stroller., Same here. Mine will be 5 next month. Only recently I’ve tried to give him more room so to say and let him out of the stroller. Because I was constantly pushing around my 3 yo and him in a double stroller and they’re tall boys. It’s exhausting. My 3 yo also has no sense of danger and a general development delay but no asd. So for their safety in the stroller they went.
Last month I hurt my wrist and pushing both wasn’t doable. So I grabbed the toddler leash for the almost 5yo, the 3yo went in the lighter and better stroller and I attached the leash to the stroller to keep any pull off my wrist. But my kiddo held my hand 90% off the time and walked next to me without too much issues. We took some frequent rock inspection stops but all in all it went better than I expected. I just had stupid looks from people because “you know you don’t have to leash him like a dog?”
Well yeah. But do you pay the ER bill if he runs into traffic?
I feel bad enough about it. No need to rub it in, I do love to ruin people’s day like that. Unsolicited parenting feedback deserves a reminder of exactly why they should mind their business, and think before they open their mouths next time!, Right and people have to parent the child they have not the one others compare them to- it’s also about normalizing that approaches can’t be a one size fits all…, Totally agree and well said, I know. We were lucky enough to have the option for bridge authorization (Blue Cross insurance.) It allowed us to get a diagnosis more quickly, and insurance will now cover services temporarily until we work our way down the waiting list and get evaluated at their required center. It's stupid, having to do the exact same evaluation twice, but it was necessary to get him started on services ASAP. Even with that shortcut, it still took months. Waiting is hard., A very good point., Thank you!
At first I was afraid of the word "disability", but it has gravity and solemness. There's a dignity to that word that I've come to appreciate., Perfectly stated!, That’s what I like about how you carried yourself there; not afraid of the word, not using it as a cudgel, just the quietly stated perfectly dignified truth which they failed to fully consider. Perhaps embarrassing for them after the fact as they realize their presumptions, but not said in a shaming or defensive way either. I’m picturing myself in this situation (I still stroll with my 4.5 and 6.5 yo) and now I know how I want to respond if I even encounter similar negativity and this is it.
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Today I failed my son
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We had a cousin’s 4th birthday party and my 5 y.o. did NOT want to leave the house. I kept trying to sell him on how much fun we would have, showed him photos of the place, but he wasn’t having it. He was very clearly communicating that he did not want to go and just wanted to stay home; but I didn’t listen.
Finally, in order to get him to change his clothes and get us out the door, I told him we would go to the park he likes. In the car I told him we first would be stopping by at the birthday party. While in the past (6-12 months ago) this would have led to a full meltdown, I could tell he wasn’t thrilled but he didn’t object. 30 minutes later we arrived at the indoor park, and he wouldn’t even set foot inside. Our friends and family came out and tried luring him inside with balloons, glowsticks, whatever they could, he just kept saying “this place is not for me” and kept running away upset asking to go home.
After failing to negotiate and sitting in the car for about half hour, I agreed to go home. I ugly cried on the way home, it was one of those times I selfishly wished my son wasn’t on the spectrum and could enjoy what most kids would be super stoked for. He caught me crying when I was talking to my dad on the phone and he asked me what was wrong. I explained that I was sad because I had wanted to see our friends and family at the party but we didn’t get to go. He just said “no party mommy.”
Now as I lay in bed I just feel emotionally drained and super guilty for failing to HEAR my son. He told me, clear as day, that he didn’t want to go. I allowed societal pressure and my needs (see family, be social!) to push him into a bad place.
I’ve been struggling lately, and I want to post here because my kiddo is growing up and I need to remember he’s his own person and I need to respect his autonomy. But how do we effectively “nudge” them beyond their comfort zone to help them grow? Love my kiddo more than anything and tonight I’m feeling sad that I failed him.
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I think you handled it very well. I wouldn’t say failed at all. You nudged them towards something that could have been a good time for you and your son while around family. Those are important bonds to maintain. If at every instance you listened to your son and stayed home at every opportunity to go out and do something he’d never go out and thats also not good for development. You dont want your son to be a shut in. From your story its not like you raised your voice or punished him over this. You had an emotional response and its natural to cry. I’m sure you wanted to spend time with your family and there is a lot of emotion in your situation so its ok to cry!
Wish you all the best., Truthfully I think that you deserve a break and family time with your loved one too. Next time, ask your hubby to watch him for 1-2 hr so you can go to the party to be with your family. You’ll feel sad your son is “missing” all the fun but hey he wants to stay home. Sometimes it can be very overwhelming for him and at the same time, you deserve family time too!, You actually did not fail him. Failing him would be giving up on outings at any sign of resistance from him. You gently encouraged and gave it your best effort. You allowed him to experience mild discomfort which gave him room to grow.
My mother coddled and shielded my brother from the world through most of his adolescence. Her intentions were good and she was a very loving mother to him, but she held him back so much. When he was 16, he had to go live with my dad (long story, not because of any issues with my mom) and my dad was much less accommodating. My brother flourished in this environment. It was uncomfortable, there were many tears, but he accomplished so many things that he previously thought he could never be capable of.
I’m not saying that we should force our children to do things, or ignore their specific needs, but some discomfort is prerequisite for growth. Gentle nudging is beneficial., I’m right here with you, my weekend was totally derailed with meltdowns did not get to do any of the things I thought we could do. Exposure therapy is tough, and that’s what you are doing! Months ago I think we went to a movie singalong and my kid said it was too loud but enjoyed getting ready going out and seeing other people we stlll left early but this is major progress it’s taken us years to get to. You sound like a fantastic parent., Do you think he would have felt comfortable sitting in the car with a tablet for example and have another member of the family sit with him while you went inside the party for a bit to socialize without him?
Maybe if he sat for a bit in the car while doing something he liked then after a while he would have felt comfortable going in? Maybe it wouldn’t work because he wouldn’t be ok with someone else but just trying to come up with an idea where you might get some time for yourself which is also very important., Sending you love.
I "imposed" something on my very young little boy recently. I did it in the belief that what I was doing would be ok, and would help him become comfortable with the situation (walking by my side in public places).
He got so upset. It hurt me a lot when I reflected on my actions later. My intent was good, but I didn't hear him.
So, without totally making this about me, I'm trying to share with you that you're not alone. It is natural to hope that your little boy would do the things and enjoy the things that the "mainstream" do. I kind of wish that too, but I need to check in with myself from time to time to remind myself that I shouldn't try to make him do things that simply cause him to get beyond upset.
You sound wonderful, thoughtful and aware of your boy. I tip my hat to you., Don't be so hard on yourself. It's ok to try to meet familial expectations while balancing what your son can endure. It's a tough balance but don't be upset for trying to expose your child to new experience. As for wanting your child not to be on the spectrum, this is a common desire by a lot of parents. No parent wants to see their child struggle and autism is a struggle. Some folks might take exception to this which is fine., At the very least, I hope your family saw that you really did try to attend, and I hope they appreciate the effort you made!, You are not a failure!, You didn't fail him at all. Please go easy on yourself.
It's so hard to know what to do for the best sometimes. If you hadn't tried to go, you'd probably be feeling guilty thinking you didn't give him the chance to enjoy the party, or something similar. I always say to my husband, sometimes I feel drained just trying to make decisions because it can feel like whatever choice we make, we'll often end up going "oh we should have just gone with the other decision".
I do think that sometimes it's better to at least TRY these things and give them a chance, knowing and accepting that often you'll leave early or sometimes not make it through the door. Because at least we've tried, we've given them a chance to experience something and we've listened and responded when they communicate it's too much. And sometimes the stars align and something you fully expect to not even get through the door to, they go in and love it and it's awesome.
We're all learning and you don't want them to miss out but also some days YOU don't want to miss out and actually, that feeling is ok. So please try not to feel guilty., OP, I think you are human and you tried to do something human. That’s okay, and you need to be kinder to yourself.
It’s hard: you have human needs to, and you’ve written them twice: you wanted to see friends and family, you wanted to be social. Being a mom to an ASD kid is incredibly isolating and lonely at times. I know this all too well (my daughter and I are currently at home while her father works at a super cool comic convention - one that we *knew* she couldn’t handle due to the overwhelming nature and demands the trip to the convention would take on her). She loves to dress up and play pretend and to go places - but it’s all got to be in bite sizes and on her terms. I really do get it.
The fact is, I see someone here who loves *all* of her family and wants to include them in her son’s life so that he has their love and support, too. You want to see him happy and having experiences with cousins and kids, making memories and getting the fullest out of life. (I’ve been there, so, so many times). Maybe the solution for you can be inviting friends and family over every now and again for coffee and donuts and to visit/play with your son? Socialising and prepping him with baby steps and in spaces he feels safe and comfortable might be an excellent place to start. You mentioned he likes the playground/park - when the weather warms, throw a small family picnic and invite everyone along. He’d probably think that was way more fun than a party that might feel too big or loud for him. Plus, you could visit with your family and get that time in to make memories together.
I also think that you should look into reprieve services or ask your partner or a trusted family member/friend to watch him so that you can have a break every now and again to go and do the things you need to do, and the things you want to do. You need to be able to enjoy life, too - burnout is real, and you can’t serve others from an empty bowl.
I’m sorry that this was a tough moment, OP - but you’ve got this! You really do! You sound like a genuinely loving, caring, thoughtful mother - and you’re not a failure for that. I’ve done the same thing, I think we all have at one time or another. You take care of yourself and know that this internet stranger is sending hugs and kind wishes your way. 🤍, The first thing I would say is that you are human and you are trying to make the best choice under terrible circumstances. We've lost most of our weekend too. There has been constant meltdowns and constant demands. Five minutes ago he burst into the room holding a pair of scissors. My wife and I are just at our limit too.
Forgive yourself and remember that there are other people out there in it with you. We are all trying our best to navigate something that most will never understand., You didn't fail him at all!!! You handled it exactly how you should... By listening to him.
I bought tickets to take my kids to see Blippi. We got to the arena and my son did not want to go. He freaked out and ended up throwing up. My husband ended up taking him to his grandparents while my daughter and I went to the show. I felt so terrible.
Now, Before we go anywhere new I find videos of kids at these places and let him decide if he wants to go. It's helpful now that because so many families film their entire lives. Before we went to great wolf Lodge he watched a ton of videos on you tube and knew what to expect. He knew what things to look for at the park., ♥️, I don't think you failed your son, imho., Just the simple fact that you care about his feelings prove you are nothing more than an awesome person. You tried. It didn’t work. Coming from the ASD world I completely understand the pain you feel thinking you did not hear your son. But we are humans and we make mistakes, but that boy knows he is loved. That is so much more than some children have. ❤️ keep on, keepin on 🤘🏼, These situations, while they feel so painful, are how we learn to do better. I’m sure most of us have done similar things. One thing that makes it difficult is that occasionally, they will warm up to the situation and then it feels like pushing a little is a good thing. It’s very difficult to navigate that middle ground between encouraging new experiences and knowing their limits., You did a great job! You TRIED and gently pushed him, while not forcing him. You let him have the final say after at least trying, I think you handled it perfectly. In the end, you did hear him. 🤍, My guy is older, non-verbal and also often doesn‘t want to leave the house or the car or whatever. It’s a transition thing, I think. The latest was refusing to budge from the car after driving 2 hours to see his grandma. Luckily grandma came out and sat in the car with him, which actually brought a smile to his face. But when it was time to go he went in with grandma and refused to get back into the car. Go figure. It’s hard, its frustrating but that’s life., Be kind to yourself. My four year old is really inconsistent when it comes to parties. She loves dressing up, generally loves the unstructured bits of the party, can be a bit iffy with organised games and most of the time will meltdown during the food bit. Even if it’s kids she knows, even though she likes kids’ party food and cake etc - something about it triggers her and I’ll usually take her out til she calms down. The irony is, they all sit around a table to have lunch etc at preschool and apparently she’s fine with that.
Because I know she generally likes it, I’ll take her, but am always prepared to abort if necessary. I usually let the host parents know the situation in advance too, so that they don’t think something bad’s happened with the party and I feel less awkward lol.
She’s like it with any outing tbh. I can’t really trust her initial reaction that we’re going to do something: she can say she doesn’t want to do something she normally loves, then really enjoys it; or she can be really excited to go somewhere, then absolutely hate it. Or we won’t do something because she is adamant she doesn’t want to, only for her to ask later (when it’s too late to go) when we’re going!
We’d never go anywhere if we always took her at her word, or worried that she’d change her mind - we just have to try and go with the flow., You did your best at introducing him to something. You weren't being nefarious. You're allowed to still want to be social. It was a bad day but I hope you don't take it out on yourself too much.
On to the topic if him not wanting to go: have you noticed if your son likes indoor play type facilities? My son HATES indoor play facilities and I think it's because of the acoustics. Like, he loves the pool but hates all indoor water things. He loves the park but hates indoor climbing parks. I think the noise, and maybe the air quality (?) causes sensory issues for him.
Maybe host his birthday at the outdoor park he likes and invite your family for a BBQ and socialization., Wow, thank you all for the kind words. It truly brought me to happy tears. As some of you mentioned, being a parent to a special needs child can be very isolating. We must be kind to ourselves and keep fighting the good fight. Hope everyone has a lovely Sunday!, I wonder if you would have taken him first to the outdoor park for sometime and then to the party. I know it’s not always possible when things are busy or we are running late. You did your best!, You tried, there’s something to say for that. I’ve already given up on them at age 3yr. I gues this confirms that isn’t going to change., You didn't fail. We have to encourage them to try sometimes. My middle child didn't want to go with me, her equally autistic sisters, dad, and granddad to a music event yesterday. Tried to back out at the last minute. I dragged her along because I suspected she'd love it. She did. Even more than her sisters who were desperate to go. Sometimes they learn that things are now fun than they expect, other things they were right and it sucks. They'll be adults before they learn the difference., You are a good parent, and you did what felt right. I understand your struggle, though. Tomorrow will be better. Sending love your way., You did not fail to start with. You listened to him which is fantastic. Maybe a stop at the park first would have have been ideal, maybe something at the party would have distracted him..he could have used his tab or ipad while you socialised...I mean there are endless options but you never know unless you try and that is exactly what you did. If you have a OT suggest checking strategies..smaller playgroups at the park or house..you are brave..you've got this., You didn’t do anything wrong. It is ok to encourage kids to do things. You backed off when you needed to and it’s ok that you cried in front of him., You didn’t fail your son. You grew as a parent. You’re moving in a positive direction and learned to listen more. This is hard enough. Be kind to yourself and give yourself grace., You didn't fail at all. This is hard stuff. You deserve a medal. You are brave and have the guts to live. I hear about a lot of parents who are just slowly dying inside and wasting away in the house. However, you should think about how your child perceives the world. Indoor parks are loud and filled with out of control kids running around. It's very unpredictable and he probably senses that others find him strange and as a person who was bullied growing up, I know how horrible that can feel. Also, as I was reading your post, I cringed when I heard that people came out and showed support and tried to nudge him inside, but that was probably a horrible experience for him, though well intentioned. Unfortunately, that kind of environment may be a no go for a bit until he figures out how to cope with unpredictability. You're not a failure! Maybe try some outdoor activities like playing near a stream in the woods; something intimate and maybe invite a friend or two to come so he interacts., I think you handled this perfectly. You didn't yell at him or punish him. You tried to get him to go and it didn't pan out. That's okay. My daughter hates going to school but she has to go. I have to push her into the bus every morning. But the thing is, she LOVES school once she's actually there. All we can do is try with our kids. You did your best, it's okay to cry!, “no party Mommy” lmfaooooo I’m sorry but that’s funny asf 😂, My son hates birthday parties. When he was younger we were invited to quite a few school classmate and autism community birthday parties. He would run away and I would have to go with him. This would mean long distances if in a public place My wife would stay and socialise with the other families but I could not even talk ro them. He especially hates the "happy birthday" song.
Very sadly my wife died last September from a rare and recently diagnosed autoimmune disease and it is now just me and my son.
Not sure when or if we will be invited to any more parties., Exactly! Isn’t it better to TRY and give him those experiences rather than not teaching him to go to things he doesn’t initially want to go to? You tried and while it’s sad you didn’t get to hang out with your family and friends think of what he DID show: no meltdown on the way! You got him out of the house even when he didn’t want to. He briefly saw what you guys were going to, maybe next time he will be more open to try it without so many people there? Those are all little victories as well., Yes it is a balance act trying to push the child towards new experiences while listening to them as well.
My daughter had to go to 6 group sessions and by the second one she hated it. I had to almost literally push her in the room.
Afterwards, we talked it through and we talked about how sometimes we have to be in uncomfortable situations. She went to the remaining four without any problems and actually got two friends from that group.
But I felt horrible having to push her into something that she clearly didn't like., Hubby stayed with our 6 month old so he was doing his part, but I appreciate the suggestion., Thanks for your comment and suggestions! Being a parent is tough work and being a parent to an ASD kid is perhaps the most challenging experience I’ve ever had. You somehow were able to identify that I am burnout. I work full time at a high stress job and had a baby 6 months ago, on top of my 5 year old special needs kiddo. I have absolutely no “me” time and I need to figure something out to give me a little more balance., I’m terribly sorry for your loss., Little victories is a great way to put it! I agree 100% especially the no meltdown aspect.
We’ve got to take the wins where we can and that is definitely a win., Is it not possible for him to watch both kids?, I think that the burnout was recognisable because I’ve been there myself. You truly sound like you’re a wonderful mama, and to two beautiful little humans - that’s a job all in its own! Having a full time, high stress job on top - you’re seriously amazing!! I mean that sincerely and wholeheartedly. 🤍 You’re 100% right about motherhood being tough - and having an ASD kid is it’s own game. You’re doing so well to try so hard, and they do notice these things. Do yourself a favour and try to find respite so that you can recharge. Take care of yourself, my friend. You’ve got this, and I really do believe in you all the way. 💖, Thanks for your message 🙂, Definitely, but my goal was to bring my eldest for him to share with his cousins and other kids.
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Today is my son’s birthday and it’s bittersweet.
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I need support today. I knew it would be hard. My son turns 3 today. All the happy memories on FB will pop up from when he was born and from his first birthday, I was so happy then and he was hitting every milestone. I had no idea.
The delays and regressions began at 13/14 months. By 18 months, he had his diagnosis. My goal was that he’d at least have some words by 2. He didn’t. But I knew if he had a few words by 3, it might not be too bad.
Now he is 3, and has 0 words. It’s becoming more clear that the doctors weren’t wrong when they gave him level 3 and told me “don’t panic, levels can change!” To make me feel better.
We are on vacation. I have some cute birthday stuff for him, but I didn’t bother with decorations because he has no idea what a birthday is and probably wouldn’t care if he did.
It will be the same as every other day, besides being on vacation.
I thought by the time my son turned 3, we’d be having conversations and I’d know so much about his little personality. Id be pregnant with another, we’d be a happy little family. I wish things turned out that way. Had I known then what the future held, idk if I could have kept going.
All these times that should be happy, have this little dark cloud over them. I mean I got the call from my doctor 2 days ago that I don’t have cancer and that the surgery I had worked and cleared all the precancer. I should be on top of the world right now, but I’m not.
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As long as he's having fun that's all that matters. Is he enjoying his vacation? Hopefully is he enjoying you?
I didn't do birthdays for my kid for the first two years because he wouldn't care or get overwhelmed.
But you know what? I also know some mums that try to do the whole Instagram birthday shit and their NT kids were miserable. Like great, big party. I don't want this weird woman dressed as Minnie Mouse in my face and I want nap time without a bunch of people around.
This year he'll be three. He doesn't know what a birthday is either but he knows what cake is so I know he'll have fun.
I'm so sorry that life hasn't gone as you planned. I know what it's like to just want to talk to your kid and have them talk back. But right now that can't happen. What can happen is that a cancer free mummy can take her kid out and enjoy some new scenery, grab a cake bigger than his head from the bakery and watch some fun shows together in the afternoon. Or do extended bath time. Or whatever he likes. Make the day special for him in his own way., 3 to 4 can bring enormous changes., You should still do the little birthday stuff. My daughter is 7 and only says yeah and bye rarely. Get him an aac device that's how mine communicates I got it for her before she was 4 and the school and everyone uses it with her. It's amazing. She says I love you my best goodnight to me every night. She knows what birthdays are because we always celebrated them for her regardless of she cared or not. Now she loves them and had her first party at a skating rink with kids from her class. Don't give up on your child, they are in there and still a sponge absorbing everything., Well, congratulations on the great news!
Also, happy birthday to your son!
A little background. My son is now 4.5, and he is still nonverbal, but his receptive language has gotten much better since 3, and he, for the most part, understands situations. Maybe not all the time, but so much progress.
2-3 were the hardest years for our family. It's very similar to your story. Slow going on wins and not many. But 3-4 was slow but steady progress.
I remember him getting ready to turn 3, and we just had cupcakes, and that was it.
I felt guilty, but also, like you said to myself well hes not that interested. He is near Halloween. By the time my birthday rolled around in March, he was more interested in the cake and candles but not the singing. He was interested, though, when his sisters birthday rolled around in late summer. He was watching all the big girls play and wanted to even try some games. He even hung out while we did happy birthday and had cake.
His 4th birthday came, and I was thinking about having a party with the kids from his early intervention class, but as life goes, it didn't happen. We had a nice dinner at home and he enjoyed his cake and was in good spirits. He had a big smile and knew we were having fun.
But this year, I am coming up, and I am for sure having something as he has made so much progress, and he tries so hard.
The long story is to not give up.
Don't feel guilty, and beat yourself up.
This is a long journey, and you never know what will happen.
Have some cake! Sing happy birthday! Let him enjoy it as much as he can and take the little wins as big ones !
Much love !, Start doing things as a tradition you know he will like. I don't know if my son understands when it's his birthday vs someone elses... but what I do know is he LOVES balloons. So every birthday eve I blow up about 20 balloons and put them in his room while he's sleeping the night before. When he wakes up all you here is laughing and sometimes a few big pops.
Think of things like that to make his b-day special in the future (for him and for you).
Your kid isn't like other kids. Thats ok, but it doesnt mean you cant celebrate him in a different way.
I get it though - I deleted timehop and stopped going on facebook because I would get constant reminders of where he was last year or the year before and the lack of progress in communication and other areas. Just try to live in today and tomorrow instead if possible. Really try to avoid dwelling on your perceived negatives and focus on how to make more happy and positive moments (especially on a b-day), Happy birthday, little man!
I felt similarly on my son's third birthday. We had a party and he was excited to see all his family, but the idea of the "party" and "birthday" being "for him" was lost on him. We went to a third birthday party for a friend's NT child a month or so later, and it was hard watching the other child blow out their candles and open their gifts.
He'll be 5 in a few months and oh how things have changed. He loves a party and singing the birthday song, he loves that there's usually pizza. He probably still won't blow out his candles or open his own gifts, but we'll still make it a special day so that one day, he can hopefully look back and see how much we celebrated him., I'm not going to tell you it will change. I can't know that. I can tell you my experience.
My boys were nonverbal until almost 6. Now they are almost 7, and while their vocabulary is still limited, we communicate just fine. Every day there are new words.
Idk if you remember reading the book about teaching Hellen Keller when you were younger. I know I had to read it as a child. There's a passage where her teacher is expressing frustration bc she feels that nothing she does is getting through to her. She feels hopeless.
And later in the book there is this ecstatic moment where Hellen understands "water." And after that first word clicked, there was an explosion of understanding. That's how it felt with my boys. I felt like it would never happen. But it has, and is happening.
Some things are still tough. I'm still limited in what we can do with them, and they are still behind an NT 7 year old. But life has become so much easier.
All I can say is don't give up. Celebrate that child. He is in there, and he is absorbing everything. Perhaps at some point it will click and things will get easier., Congrats to you! and Happy Birthday to the little one.
I feel you and I wish I could say something. Nothing that hasn't already been said. But I wanna tell you something that keeps me going everyday is a quote I read some time back -
*Autism doesn't come with a manual. It comes with a parent who never gives up.*, First of all, congrats on the successful surgery! Maybe you're not feeling as happy about that as you thought you were going to, but if it had gone the other way, you'd be feeling a lot worse. So at least there's that.
I don't know exactly how you feel, because my LO's delays present themselves somewhat differently than your son's, but I do know what it feels like to grieve over possibly not having the type of relationship with a child that you always imagined. About not really being sure you'll ever have a "real" back-and-forth conversation. I've never had a real hug from my LO, not even when she was an infant, and part of me is just relieved that its not part of a regression. I can only imagine how painful it would be, for example, to get a ton of hugs and smiles from a child, only to lose it one day.
But between the moments of worry, I find a lot of joy too, and I can't imagine that those moments of joy are any less great than the moments a parent to a completely NT kid feels. I hope you find those moments too.
In any case, please know that there are people that understand you, and are rooting for you and your son., My son is 3 and nonverbal. We had a small party and he still enjoyed it. Kept it short and sweet but he was smiling and excited so that’s what counts., Do not make the mistake that you kid doesn’t know what is going on. He does. He absolutely does. I was dismissive of my son’s aptitude. I was so so wrong. One day I noticed him spelling simple 3 letter words in a game on his tablet when he was about 3 1/2. He’s now 5. Still not speaking. My son can spell and read. He regularly looks up and finds things he likes on YouTube. He likes Spanish language content, and it makes me wonder exactly wtf he knows.
Be patient. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR KIDDO. keep talking to him. Talk to him all the time as you would if he was not non verbal. Just keep at it., Look, I don’t know your personal situation. First of all: congrats on three years of being his mom! Concrats on the surgery! And secondly I wanted to say: a friend of mine started talking when she was 8. I know her from university where she is successfully studying. An aquaintance of mine has level 3 autism with some intellectual delays and needs a device to make his words heard. He is also living a happy and fulfilling life, and is an expert in the things he really cares about. Please don’t ever give up on your son, and don’t ever let anyone tell you he’s a “lost cause” or something. I know this can be hard, but also I know you can do it!, We have no idea what the future holds. I don't want to give you false hope because every kid is different but my son was entirely nonverbal until 4-5. Now he's 9 and talks CONSTANTLY. Never give up hope.
that being said, I fully understand the feeling and I empathize. Hang in there., Expectations are the most definitely the thief of joy.
Try to see past what society says is normal. Your child is a perfect human being with his own personal existence that is absolutely worth celebrating.
I say these things because I felt how you do at one point but I refused to sink into it bc I love my child to death and she deserves better from me. You can do this!, My oldest turns 4 in August, she was diagnosed at 2yrs 2 months. She started speech and OT at 2½ and then early childhood at 3. She starts 4k next month! Every day is a new challenge for us. The more verbal she gets, and she's really getting there, the worse her meltdowns are. But she's such s beautiful little soul. She's the sweetest. I highly encourage you to reach out to the programs available to you. CLTS (child long term support) has been a godsend to us. Birth to 3 was amazing when we had it. I also encourage you to still consider another baby. I had my second before my first was diagnosed, they're 22 months apart. It was a rough probably 6 months when I brought youngest home but it has been more than worth it now. They teach each other so much and they're the best of friends. One of my favorite things my oldest says now is "wanna crawl Rora?" Sentences are new for her and I'm so excited 😊 I know the days are hard, but I promise they'll get better with time. Mine used to hit herself, bang her head on the floor and walls, scream all the time, she even bit me! Now she just yells when she's frustrated., I stopped wrapping gifts when he was 2. It was just me wrapping and me opening them for him and that made me very sad. He will be 6 this yr and now he loves to unwrap them. I always just get some dollar tree ballons and fill the room. I Put up a lil decorations and have cake and take pictures. Things may change and i imagine myself being grateful for the pics in 20+yrs. But I understand the grief. It hits hard esp on bdays and holidays., I had the same issue with my son. In fact some aspects of a birthday celebration would overwhelm his senses. So we pick an activity he lives and do that in his birthday., Happy birthday to your son, I hope you have a good vacation.
My daughter is 4, she doesn't understand holidays/birthdays/presents. Loves cake through, for her recent birthday we got a cake with a tractor on top. That tractor made her so excited and happy, was worth it to see her like that, It's hard but when I started to realize something was wrong I told myself then and there that i will NOT let myself fall apart or make everything negative because of the way I feel. This isn't about me. I think this is hard! I can only imagine how he must feel not being able to even communicate. I guess what I'm saying is, every holiday and birthday can be positive and amazing, or we as moms can make the day negative for everyone. That's not the way I want to be. I celebrate him the same as any child because he's amazing the way he is., Things can change. You don't have to celebrate a huge party but if you csn always celebrate his birthday with him. Our son had never had a big party and he's 6.
He went from bo words at 2. To a handful at 3. 2-4word sentences 3-4. Potty trained 4-5. And he can now say and understand many words. They aren't complex sentences or in depth conversations but it's so much better.
We ask him questions with options to find out more about his personality. "do you like cats or dogs?". "did you have fun at the zoo? Yes or no?"
It was not easy. I still get sad some days but today he went to the zoo and asked my wife to take a picture of him all on his own.
This was an unimaginable thought at 3.
We all have are challenges but our kids have a way into them, you just have to find it. Don't ever stop looking., I don’t do anything special for birthdays beyond cake or small gifts on holidays anymore. Pointless and my kiddo doesn’t get it.
It’s ok to be sad about it because it IS sad., It’s ok to grieve for the child that you expected to have. I certainly did. But kids change, and experience spurts at odd times. My son was much like yours at 3. At 4, he showed some interest in the family that came to celebrate his birthday.
Eventually, you will stop grieving the loss of the child you expected to have, and will learn to accept and love the child you do have., No advice only support from me. Currently in the same boat with our little boy (turned 3 in April). Sending hugs, Ugh, thank you for posting this. My daughter turns 4 tomorrow and has no clue what a birthday is, doesn’t know her name and doesn’t eat cake or any other treats for that matter. So how do you even celebrate ?! I do so every day and treat her like it’s her birthday. She doesn’t care about gifts or opening boxes. We buy her big things when she needs them. I’ve learned that if a holiday brings more stress than joy, it’s just not worth it. We work daily on keeping her healthy, happy, safe and regulated. Our friends understand. Our families are too far away, so it’s just us. No plans. Sending hugs to you both 💕, Life is all about prospective, a lesson learned the hard way., Birthdays used to be so hard. They were just a reminder of how far he was behind and that we were 1 year further out from milestones he should have already hit. It does get easier! You will start to measure his progress on its own terms. If I could go back I would have enjoyed my son more for who he was/is. But I know that’s easier said than done., Happy Birthday kiddo, I just want to send you hugs. 🫂, Happy birthday to your lil boy!, I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time right now. The range of emotions you're feeling — from the bittersweet memories of your son's earlier birthdays to the challenges and disappointments you've encountered since his diagnosis — are incredibly heavy to carry. You're showing so much strength and courage in facing these difficulties, even though it might not feel like it sometimes.
Your son's journey may not be what you had originally envisioned, but please know that every milestone, no matter how small or different it may seem, is still a milestone worth celebrating. His path may be different, but that doesn't make it any less significant or important. He is still your wonderful little boy who has so much potential to surprise and delight you in his own unique ways.
It's okay to grieve the future you imagined, but I hope that you can also find joy in the moments you have with him now. He may not be able to express himself with words, but his actions, his laughs, his expressions, they all speak volumes about who he is.
Moreover, it's okay to have mixed feelings even after good news like your medical update. It doesn't mean you're ungrateful or that you're not allowed to feel relieved about your health. It's okay to feel relief and sadness at the same time. It's a sign of the complex reality you're navigating.
Lastly, happy 3rd birthday to your son. It's a special day because it's the day he came into your life. Take care of yourself, and know that there are people out there who understand and care. I'm sending you virtual hugs and strength on this challenging day., I have two autistic sons but their very different, for example my 6 yr old talks and is sensory avoidant & his almost 3 yr old brother is non verbal and very sensory seeking. I tried doing the birthday party thing with my first but he hated all the attention and didn’t even like cake so now I just put up decorations in the morning of his bday and we do something he enjoys, he loves it. I don’t feel sad about it anymore. My second son has no clue about birthdays as much as I can tell but I do the same, put up some decorations from cartoons he likes, balloons & a little cake as he actually likes them but we still do something he likes even if it’s taking him to the park. To be honest I don’t feel any sort of sadness when it comes to the birthdays anymore, I spend my first sons 4th birthday crying because he didn’t even want the birthday son sung to him or to blow out the balloons & that’s when I was so done feeling sorry for myself, I realized as long as we’re creating memories together and he is happy that’s all that matters. Also, i know it’s easy to give out advice as I’m not under that dark cloud myself anymore please don’t feel guilty if you’re not there., My heart goes out to you, and as you can see from the comments below, you are not alone in this. It may feel that way for all of us sometimes (even those with a bedrock support system at home...), but it's part of each of our journies to live with, to deal with, and to persist on.
My daughter just turned 4 and similar story - no words and doesn't seem like we'll be hearing any anytime soon. It's painful. Similarly, she could care less about anything other than re-enacting her favorite TV show and lining all of her toys up in rainbow order. It's painful (for us, she loves it...).
The dark cloud you refer to is yours to keep and it might be a little less dark as time goes on (and god willing, with some real tangible medical breakthroughs for our babies!), but it's there. I guess what I'm trying to say is - you're not alone.
We all have our own clouds with varying degrees of darkness, but if we can focus on the small wins and foster environments where we're able to maintain our own sense of self, and identity, the clouds are less noticeable some of the time. There is joy in life that peeks through the clouds but you have to keep your chin up to see it.
I'm not trying to give you any advice in saying this, so please don't take it that way. I find that reframing all of the challenges as lessons helps, sometimes... I also don't know what I would do without meditation. Whatever it is that allows you to focus on the good and feel good for your own sake - just do that as much as you can. Enjoy your vacation and great prognosis (amazing news!!!), and if there is a night you can escape, do it!, Birthdays are so hard, I relate to you so much., Hang in there, so much of what you are doing and saying is sticking, I know it doesn't seem that way one bit but it is., Just dont lose the faith on him. He needs you, so he will learn with your love and support. Look and give him all the Professional Terapy he can take, but also he will need his family guide. It's very hard and there are moments where we dont know what to do too, but we put all the effort always and see every positive change is everything. Happy Birthday to your little one, and make it special for him is right, is about him not others. He still very young maybe in the future you will see a change., I know exactly how you feel. I felt very similar when my son was 3. I felt like he had made 0 progress from 2-3, and to be honest, I felt that from 3-4 as well. However he's now nearly 5 and he's made -so much- progress this year. He was non verbal up until about 6 months ago but now he has a vocabulary of about 20 words and it's growing all the time. He also potty trained, he hasn't shit on the carpet or needed a nappy for over 7 months. It's made me feel much better about everything: it will come!, This is really hard. You're not alone.
Both of my boys were varying levels of non-verbal. My eldest didn't say "mommy" or "daddy" till he was 3 and a half. My youngest started saying words really early, but wouldn't actually use them to communicate until he was almost 4.
I felt helpless and broken. It took only a few months for them to more or less catch up, it was like a switch flipped in their heads. Now it's getting them to *stop* talking that is the real trick.
Don't give up, and don't lose hope. Don't be afraid to get help and support.
Hang in there., I know the feeling so well, my son at 5 has just started using receptive language, my daughter was about a year ahead of him at 4. I hope my son has the same change my daughter had from 4-5 at 5-6, but we will see. I remember those days with my first wondering if she will ever talk and then she started talking, but it took about 2 years of talking before I could really ask her about her day and have conversations with her. Just keep trying, read to him, try and get any language or conversational response even if it’s just noises. Big hugs for you though, I felt the same way., When I was planning my son's 4th birthday I was self conscious about how it would feel to see him not participate in the usual activities like blowing out candles and opening presents in front of party guests.
Then I went to his classroom (special education preschool) for the quick party the teachers do and saw how having a strong routine/traditions helped my son understand some of the expected behavior and that he was being celebrated.
It surprised me when he actually blew out his candle, even if he didn't wait all the way to the end of the song. He definetly felt special. I decided I wanted to do that for him too. So we invited a few familiar family members and had a short party.
Traditions we chose to focus on were a few themed decorations, a themed shirt/crown, an age number helium balloon, singing+blowing out a candle (we don't do a proper cake due to allergies) eating birthday oreos, and a present that is their special item they don't have to share with sibling.
It went really well! He got other presents from family that he did open albeit slowly over the course of the day. He blew out the candle again, still prematurely, but he did it. It might have been anticlimactic for the guests and I, but we let him do it his way and he had a lot of fun.
We got fantastic photos that he loves seeing. I think that's what's most important to me. In the future, I want him to look back and see us celebrating little him, even if he doesn't entirely get it now., I want to touch on something that someone else mentioned. My son turned 3 last June. From June-December life was the same it had been since he started showing signs and was diagnosed. Non-verbal, self-injurious, HORRIBLE meltdowns, etc. I finally got him enrolled in preschool in January, January 17th specifically. He flourished out of nowhere. From January 17th to May 18th, he started saying soooo many words, asking for things with two-three words, counting 1-10 forwards and backwards, and recognizing his ABCS when he sees them. Among soooo many other things. His behavior has improved so much. He doesn’t hit himself as much when he gets upset. He doesn’t immediately freak out as much when something inconveniences him. He’s more patient. He says please and thank you, etc. He is doing more than I thought he’d be capable of in years or at all with his level 3 diagnosis. I was told the exact same thing, levels can change when communication improves. I cannot stress enough that I did not think he was capable of being where he is now in the matter of 4 months. Preschool and speech therapy and soo much hope and patience that he would improve. And now, just last weekend, he turned 4. We sang happy birthday with the lights off and his candle lit and he didn’t cry. He tried 3 times to blow out his cupcake candle, finally succeeded, and didn’t get upset because it didn’t blow out right away. Now he keeps saying “happy birthday” and “I’m 4”. I promise you, things can change soooo quickly. You just have to hold out hope for as long as you can. Not all of our kiddos are on the same timeline. But I promise you, all of our kiddos can surprise us and show us they knew so much all along that they didn’t know how to tell us., My son has the capacity for 2-3 word sentences, but that's at home. At Mother's Day Out, I think they tell me it's 1-2 average. He's 4 going on 5 here shortly, but let me tell you, I never thought about how many birthday invites this kid would get.
Genuinely never thought how many kids on the daily come up and go "Hey X's mom? Can he come to my birthday?" I usually tell them that I'll talk to their parents about it because he CANNOT handle listening to Happy Birthday. He also CANNOT handle not helping someone open their presents. Plus the general overstimulation makes him get moody and mean so, normally I thank them for the invite, but respectfully decline.
When his birthday comes, we are very low key. I don't think he grasped what a birthday was until he turned 4. We did a few fun things like making cupcakes, watching his favorite movie, and plenty of outdoor playing. But we kept him to the same schedule of eating and nap times.
As long as everyone is having fun, that's what matters.
Congratulations on the no cancer diagnosis!
*My DMs are open if you want to talk or vent., I know how long the days can feel. I’m in a similar boat just trying to find joy in the simple things each day. Congratulations on your good news ♥️, Thank you for the perspective advice. He is enjoying himself I think. A lot of meltdowns because of the heat, and tantrums due to the pool or bedtime, but he seems to be super happy in between those times. It seems that I do not handle tantrums and meltdowns well at all. I get really triggered by screeching and whining noises and just get irritated. I know it’s something I need to work on to be a better mom..but damn it’s hard when it’s 20x a day., This so much! We didn't do a big bday party for my daughter for 3.
We went out for dinner, the place had a dessert case so she could pick. When we started to sing, the tables around us all joined in .... my daughter looking/smiling at everyone told us she knew SHE was being celebrated., Thank you for this comment :) it does give me some hope that birthdays might be less sad soon, 🥹🥹🥹😭😭😭😭 BALLOONS 🎈fuck yes this is how to parent!, Just curious, what level of support needs is your child? Was there a lot of change between age 3-4?, I loved the Helen Keller book we read in school. Thank you so much for reminding me of this. Once the breakthrough happens, maybe his development will progress faster than it has been., Just to clarify... are you saying he had 0 words until 4-5 and is now conversational, or am I misunderstanding?, I’ve heard good things about loop earplugs. They might reduce your anxiety around the meltdowns and help you hold onto your levelheadedness., So I don't say this to be rude but is it possible you are slso autistic? Its genetic and if you're really struggling eith those noises it may be something you need to make an accomadation for yourself. Earplugs can help., Get the loops!, Of course !, Of course !
And on another encouraging note, at dinner they sang someone happy birthday at the restaurant and he yelled (in his way) happy birthday ! It was kinda like a hapabada but he sure did know what was going on!, Level 1. There was definitely progress, but more in the last few months of that year. There’s been a much bigger difference this year as his receptive language has improved dramatically., More or less, yeah. He had said a few words up to that point but essentially never used them. He would generally just take our hand and lead us to whatever he needed. We had gotten really good at knowing what he needed all the time so he didn't really need to speak, lol. His understanding isn't 100% especially with long sentences and abstract concepts etc, but yeah, we can have conversations, Second the loops!, Ah ok thanks for explaining! And is he in gen ed?
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Toddler Autism unknwn
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So I have been dating a guy on and off for 2 years. He has a son and he hardly brings him around. I always wondered why but assumed the father didn’t want him meeting multiple women he was dating at the time or idk. One day he came over and brings his 3 year old. I have been around the child before. So, I have known him to not speak but just assumed he had a speech delay because The male friend said this to me before . So, they come over and the son is be very “active” and not listening to his father at all, he had no control over his son. I stepped in and was stern and told the child Stop, put that down, don’t do that etc. After 1 hour, they left and he told me I was being mean to his child. Later, through texts he tells me I’m an idiot for not knowing his son was clearly autistic. I was in shock! Why wouldn’t he not disclose this information? I would have handled the situation differently if i would’ve known the child had developmental issues. So now the father is not talking to me and pointing the finger at me that Im insensitive?!
Correction : This is not me and the childs first meet. I have been around the child maybe less than 10 times before but he is usually better behaved or glued to his tablet or asleep..
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It wasn’t your place to correct his child to begin with at your first meeting., Clearly, you didn't know. I think he should have told you earlier or taken you aside after the first scolding to let you know his son's circumstances. He should know the signs even if you didn't. It's also kind of rude to allow your kids free reign in someone else's home.
That being said, if a child is autistic or not, a lot of kids respond well to gentle coaxing.
I learned a whole lot of things that I didn't know after I had my autistic son. I was insensitive, too, I guess? No one corrected me, either., I understand why he never introduced his child. It’s probably because it’s an on and off relationship. I would never introduce my child to someone unless it was a serious relationship. I assume if a relationship is on and off, there are other issues at hand.
You’re right, he should have disclosed to you that he has autism so you would have known what to expect or perhaps met up at his place so his child would have felt more comfortable. On the other hand, I wouldn’t have been stern with a child I just met. I would’ve taken your male friend aside and asked him to tell his child to talk with him and ask him to stop. Should you have to do that? Probably not. His father should’ve told his son this without you prompting him to do so. On the other hand, you haven’t formed a deep bond with his child despite being with his father for two years so I probably wouldn’t been stern with a child I just met. I’ve dated a guy who had a little 2 year old girl who was very rambunctious and would throw tantrums quite often and even though I knew her for a long period of time, I never scolded her because I never thought it was my place to do so.
Yes, he should’ve disclosed prior to you meeting his son but instead of reprimanding a child, I would have talked to his dad in a discreet manner as possible., Having an autistic kid is tough, and dealing with an autistic kid is tough. Nobody is right or wrong, and I'm sure everyone is is just feeling strung out and vulnerable. I hope you two are able to work it out., He should have told you before you met him about any potential difficulties he would have in your home and what to expect. He also should have set a boundary the first time you disciplined his child and removed him from the situation if he was uncomfortable. You have every right to set boundaries and expectations about behaviour in your home, your friend has every right to set boundaries regarding how his child is spoken to. It sounds like he purposefully withheld information that was important to share with you, failed to set appropriate boundaries and then got angry with you for not being an expert on autism and child development. BOY BYE, Regardless if the child has autism or not it’s not your place to step in., Yes and no. If a child is "naughty" (please take extra note of the quotes)/overcurious in my house, I leave it up to the parent until the child might destroy my stuff, hurt my animals or might hurt themself.
It's still my house, and if the parent isn't putting up clear boundaries, I will.
As a mother of a son with level 3 autism, if I take him Somewhere, I have to constantly be around, tell him no and redirect him. If i not do that, something breaks or someone gets hurt... He's absolutely not a naughty kid, but absolutely overcurious and can be a wild one 😂, In her own house?? Picking up her things? Clearly the dad is the one at fault here., I mean, I think it’s your place to correct any visitor to your home. If she had visited his home, then she’d have no right to correct another person’s child., This wasn’t our first meet. I have been around the child maybe 10 times or less. On those occasions the child is usually better behaved, glued to his tablet or asleep.., In my house it is my place when the father is not controlling his child. I will step in.. I will not allow a 3 yr old to destroy my household, autistic or not., It’s inappropriate with a kid they just met. They should’ve brought it up to the dad instead of sternly addressing the kid on the first meet. Dad is wrong for not keeping a better eye on the kid, but so is OP., Your comment was clearly edited. The first time around you stated that it was the first time meeting this child because it seems the guy you’re dating wanted to make sure that you were “worthy” of “meeting his precious child” (the words I put in parentheses were the words you used that you edited out). Perhaps you edited because you received some backlash from some of the parents. Now you’re saying you’ve met the child 10 times or less? That’s a HUGE difference. Who knows what the truth is. Either way, my point still stands. The father should have talked or redirected his child. Since he didn’t and since you’re not a main caregiver or stepparent, you should’ve discreetly asked the father to reprimand or redirect his child. I had a longer lasting bond with my then boyfriend’s daughter and since I wasn’t her stepparent, I never thought of reprimanding her. Had she broken anything of mine or grabbed something, I would have addressed it with my then boyfriend., So are you posting this to understand or are you posting this for validation? This is the wrong group to post in looking for validation on this issue since that’s clearly what you’re looking for. You said in your post you would’ve handled the situation differently if you had known, and now you’re contradicting yourself with this comment. This is an autism parenting group not an AITA group., Ya? Well, while you’re busy establishing dominance all you’ll be doing is breaking down trust between you and the boy.
The thing you don’t understand about authoritative parenting is that while it can be appropriate is some scenarios it only works when the parent is also loving. Example: Kid pushes boundaries, parent is stern but continues to be loving after the fact. Child feels safe.
You’re just an idiot stranger who gets off on being in control. You don’t care about the kid and you certainly don’t have a loving relationship with it him. You’re just a disappointing adult to him. Sadly he’ll deal with a few of those.
If you don’t respect the parenting style of the father don’t date him.
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Toddler Autism? Speech delay? Both/neither?
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Hi All,
Firstly I would like to apologize in advance if this post is offensive to anyone who does have a diagnosis. I am a first time mom to the best little boy, but with his 2nd birthday coming up and anxiety that I never had before having him, I’m just wondering if there’s something off developmentally.
My son is so smart and his receptive language is incredible. He understands anything you ask him to do in English and Spanish, will follow directions. He knows about 70 words and uses about 45 regularly. He knows all his animal sounds, family names, can ask for what he wants. He doesn’t really put together 2 words yet unless it’s with a name (ie “mommy pipi” to let me know he peed). He can identify all his favorite characters and animals.
His MCHAT at 18 months was perfect according to his pediatrician and he has his 2 year appt coming up next week, but some things I’m wondering/worried about:
- he doesn’t really put 2 words together often, barely at all
- He knows all his body parts and can point them all out when asked but lately if I ask he won’t do it. He just smiles at me and digs into his belly button since he just discovered it. Today at bathtime though he did point them out, so maybe I’m making a big deal for nothing?
- Lately he just mostly throws his toys instead of actually playing with them, not out of anger or violence just to throw them
- The one thing on the MCHAT that was a “risk” when I looked it over on my own is that he doesn’t pretend play? The example given was feeding a bottle to a doll but he doesn’t have dolls so he doesn’t do that. He’s done other things like he’ll get his thermometer and put it in his ear. He plays with his cars and trucks and he cuts his play food.
- He got some little people sets for Christmas and seems totally disinterested in them.
Some things I’m unsure of:
- he LOVES balls and throwing them and playing with them. He gets super excited when we play ball with him and after throwing the ball he’ll flap his hands a bit. That’s the only time he does it and I’m not sure if it’s stimming or just excitement
- If he’s bored or hasn’t been outside he just legit runs around the house (not like in circles just all over). He squeals while running and lately will hold out on arm just to swipe against whatever is there (wall, pantry, etc)
Some things that I read are not typically signs of autism, but I’m not entirely sure:
- he’s super affectionate and loves hugging his caregivers
- He’ll smile at strangers and blowing them kisses, but won’t like go off with them or run up to them. It’s like with cashiers at the grocery store and stuff
- He LOVES other kids and gets excited when he sees them. He just hasn’t been in a daycare setting yet so he doesn’t know the appropriate interactions and will like swipe at them, but he wants to play and will share his toys
- He makes great eye contact
- He’s unfazed by loud sounds, doesn’t seem to have sensory issues. He’ll look kind of grossed out when he gets dirt on his hands at the park, but he’ll just rub his hand on me and carry on
- He’s not a picky eater, eats all kinds of things
- He has toddler tantrums when he doesn’t get his way, but he’s never had a meltdown. He usually is over it in a few minutes
I don’t know if I’m just making myself crazy, but I guess I’m scared he’s regressed since he’s not saying more words or not pointing to the body parts like he used to, etc. I also read that not saying 2 words together or having 100+ words at 2 is a warning sign for autism and that has me worried. Does anyone have any insight or experience that would help me? Thanks in advance!
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He seems extremely typical, I actually re-read this twice to try to figure out what you're even concerned about - honestly I'm still not all that clear. He does pretend play by rolling his cars around and cutting up his food, he is a bit stubborn, etc - seems like pretty normal toddler stuff to me?
If you're THAT concerned, you know your child best. If you need to, get a referral from your pediatrician and just get an evaluation if it will give you peace of mind. Enjoy your child, he seems to be doing great and you're clearly very attentive and caring., Honestly, just enjoy him as he is now. If he’s autistic, this will come out later, which is fine, but he’s still so little and he seems like he’s doing typical toddler things. Don’t overthink things, society makes you question everything now and I totally get where your concern is coming from but just enjoy this phase as much as you can. He’ll never be this age again. He sounds like a lil gem, Usually I'm the voice of dissent here telling people to get bright, social toddlers with lots of speech evaluated, but this even sounds quite NT to me. Many NTs will have a few minor traits that don't really impact anything., To me, no, he sounds advanced. I think Mommy pipi counts as a two-word phrase but I'm not a doctor or speech therapist so take that with a grain of salt. My son had regressive speech development starting with advanced speech and becomming nearly nonverbal, so for me it was hard to miss., Does he point to what he wants? Do all gestures, give you toys, mimic you? Use words in a functional conversational manner? Does he pretend play?, Do you feel like you have trouble controlling your anxiety? Sometimes PPA lasts a really long time, you may want to bring it up with your doctor. Medications can really help, when needed.
Edit: I meant to reply to OP's comment above about feeling like she's never worried this much., If he responds to his name being called every time and displays joint attention you shouldn’t have an issue., Is he in Early Intervention?
If not he should be ASAP regardless of what any diagnosis is.
At a minimum get an evaluation by them—-your pediatrician can order one for you. It will open up a whole host services by them if he needs them and get him “in the system.”
Don’t wait—-the service stops once they turn three and then it gets turned over to your school district which can be its own battle at times. Better to get his evaluation established BY them and then your school district has to at least take that into account because it’s formally in his record and there’s a paper trail., Thanks for your reply! Honestly my main concern is that he isn’t saying two-word sentences yet. I googled it and found some things that said that might be linked to autism. Also the hand flapping when he throws balls. Some of those little behaviors are identified as typical for toddlers but also a sign of autism and it can be really confusing for a mom if you aren’t educated on autism. I appreciate you responding to my long post!, Thank you so much for your reply! It’s crazy because I never ever worried or wondered about this and I have enjoyed my little guy so much! Since his 2 year checkup is coming up I googled the milestones and the not saying two-word sentences jumped out at me; some articles said it could be a sign of autism and I was like wait what? I never even thought anything of the two-word sentence thing and on the contrary was so proud of all the words he’s been saying! You’re so right, society (and the internet) really make parents, especially first time ones, question everything. I appreciate you reading and replying to me!, Thank you so much for this comment and reassurance! I adore my baby and would love him no matter what, but as a first time mom it is hard not googling every little thing and going down a black hole on the internet that just leaves you MORE anxious and confused. I appreciate your input and response!, Thanks so much for replying with your experience. What do you mean by advanced to regressive? My son has some words he doesn’t say anymore (ie he’d say pool alot in the summer but not anymore since his pool was put away. I’m not sure if that qualifies as losing that word?), but then he has his words that he says all the time, just not like 100 words yet., He points to what he wants, does gestures, blows kisses, excellent eye contact with everyone, uses his words in conversation and to communicate (but doesn’t do sentences, not even 2 words together yet). As for pretend play, I’m not sure. The example on the MCHAT is feeding a bottle to a doll, but he doesn’t have dolls so he doesn’t do that? Some examples of play he does are he LOVES his cars and trucks and pushes them all over. He has pretend food that he “cuts” with the little knife it comes with. He has a play toaster that he pops the toast in and out of. He’ll take my brush and pretend to brush his hair. He has little people sets but seems disinterested in them right now- he used to send the animals down the chute in the farm one. He picks up his animals and makes their sounds but he doesn’t like make them walk or anything like that? That’s what comes to mind. We got him magnatiles for Christmas but he’s more into throwing them into his basketball hoop like balls instead of building right now., So I definitely did not experience anxiety before having my son, after I do but only when it comes to him if that makes sense? It doesn’t affect any other part of my life. He did have surgery a few months ago which was really hard for me and I think that also made me more anxious when it comes to anything to do with him, [deleted], He does! Thanks so much for reading and replying to me, There are other markets for autism than this, At 24 months the standard to start speech therapy is much lower.
My son had three words at 24months. Almost no receptive language.
Your child is absolutely fine. He would either be completely missed cdc milestones, throwing hours long meltdowns or shutting down. Another major early problem is literally trying to starve himself.
Just continue to follow your regular pediatrician. Most autism evaluations, people are not wondering if something is wrong with their child they absolutely know something is wrong. It’s a matter of determining what., [deleted], Every child is different and hits their milestones in their own way, neuro typical or not. Bring your concerns up with your paediatrician and he will let you know if they have any grounding, but he sounds like a very well adjusted boy, with a great mama who truly cares. Even if he does have autism, it’s not the end of the world, things will be different yes but he’s still the same boy. I know it’s hard but try not to go down the google rabbit hole, it can be a stressful place. Best of luck to you two, My son began speaking early, at ten months. He wasn't pointing or using gestures, he rarely responded to his name, and he made poor eye contact. He was flagged by the 18 month MCHAT. However, he had a huge vocabularly and was starting to form sentences a little after a year old. He said the sentence "Mama, want baby baba" or a similar four-word sentence. Within six months, he stopped speaking to anyone outside of the family at all, and he lost his ability to form sentences. He had to relearn most of his vocabulary. Suddenly at 3.5 he started speaking at age-level again., Oh yes, I could totally see how surgery turned the anxiety switch on and it's hard to turn off. I think it's great you are being attentive to your son so you can get him what he needs, but would also say if it's not serving you well then there is no shame in seeking out some therapy to help manage the anxiety. Parenthood is definitely a marathon., I think they mean in conjunction with everything else that OP listed above., I know, I read through the lists I found on Google. Honestly the markers that stood out to me was not having as many words as they are supposed to have, although I wouldn’t say he’s regressed. Some words he doesn’t say anymore (ie: pool he’d say all summer but we put his pool away and now he hasn’t said it again). The other thing was the hand flapping but he only does that after throwing balls and I read it could be excitement? So many things are also said to be just toddler behavior so there’s alot of overlap and confusion I think. Oh I was also unsure if he engages in pretend play with what he does since the example given on the MCHAT is feeding a bottle to a doll/rocking a doll to sleep but he doesn’t have dolls so he doesn’t do that, so I’m unsure if what he does qualifies as pretend play or not.
Thank you for replying!, No he doesn’t do any of the things you mentioned. I think I’m just driving myself nuts; I see things people post on social media about their babies’ milestones and compare and Google myself into a black hole. It’s absolutely not the right thing to do and I need to stop. I appreciate your thoughtful reply! Thank you!, Yea he only does it when he throws a ball, his dad gets really hyped about playing ball and I think he gets proud of himself for doing it.
I’m planning to mention it to his pediatrician. I mentioned it briefly a couple of weeks ago when I called for my son having a fever and he told me he wasn’t concerned, that he likes to see at least 50 by age 2 and that once they turn 2 they typically have a language explosion. He said he’s also seen that girls develop their vocabulary faster and boys master their fine and gross motor skills faster, which I’ve noticed my son has excellent fine and gross motor skills. Thanks so much for taking the time to read and reply and offer me some peace of mind!, Thanks so much, that’s so sweet of you to say! My son is the light of my life and I truly love him so much non matter what! I did mention the speech thing to his pediatrician when I called a couple of weeks ago (baby boy had a fever) and he was very unconcerned. He told me he was still in the normal range for words and that most boys experience a “word explosion” after turning 2., This was my comment just to the the other persons comment that a person cant rule out autism for just joint attention and responding to name since that is oversimplifying autism.
That being said with all your child is doing, I am not a professional but do not think they have autism. It’s worth bringing any concerns up to a pediatrician or speech therapist. One thing you could try is.
Feed the bear or feed the doggy and take a spoon or a cup with nothing on it and see what he does. Or put a hat on a dog. It doesn’t have to be a baby. You could also do let’s pretend we’re a dog and start crawling around barking and see if he joins in. But with him pretend cooking already that’s a good sign., Your son sounds like his is doing great!!!
Just remind yourself much of what you see on social media is either fake or a piece of reality so small it’s a bit distorted. Plus the portrayal of Autism in TV shows typically is completely fake, they seem to idolize the idea of the extremely rare genius level child with mild Autism., Thank you so much! You’re absolutely right with social media and TV. I need to seriously remind myself of that and stop comparing!
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Toddler Drooling
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Hi all, need some advice on how to proceed. I have a 3-year-old who was recently diagnosed with autism. Since he was a baby he's drooled a lot. We basically have to change his bib every 30-60 minutes as it gets soaked through. His chin and lower jaw is always very dry and rashy due to the constant drool.
We'd always chalked it up to him teething, but he recently had a dentist visit and the dentist confirmed that his final molars are nearly all the way out.
How do we go about addressing this behavior? His mouth is always slightly open. We've tried to work on strengthening his jaw muscle by giving him chewy food as well as using a vibrating toothbrush to stimulate his mouth and jaw. None of this has resulted in less drooling.
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It's not uncommon for kids with speech delays to also have a delay in their swallowing reflex. It takes work with a therapist (mine was speech, but a physical therapist might help as well)., We're in a similar boat. Our son sucks on his hands or whatever and soaks all of his clothing and has that same rash on top of just sticking out his tongue and drooling.
No advice cause we haven't figured anything out. , I just want to say that I’m in a similar boat with my son. He just turned three and still drools. He was diagnosed with lvl 2 ASD and delayed speech in January. He’s been working with an oral therapist since last July to address the muscle weakness in his mouth and facial muscles which contribute to his drooling. It’s slowly improved, as has his speech, but he still drools, especially when he’s focused on something; it’ll just drip down his face then. It’s not the greatest thing, for sure. You’re not alone. Hang in there., It's not uncommon for kids with speech delays to also have a delay in their swallowing reflex. It takes work with a therapist (mine was speech, but a physical therapist might help as well)., We're in a similar boat. Our son sucks on his hands or whatever and soaks all of his clothing and has that same rash on top of just sticking out his tongue and drooling.
No advice cause we haven't figured anything out. , I just want to say that I’m in a similar boat with my son. He just turned three and still drools. He was diagnosed with lvl 2 ASD and delayed speech in January. He’s been working with an oral therapist since last July to address the muscle weakness in his mouth and facial muscles which contribute to his drooling. It’s slowly improved, as has his speech, but he still drools, especially when he’s focused on something; it’ll just drip down his face then. It’s not the greatest thing, for sure. You’re not alone. Hang in there., It's not uncommon for kids with speech delays to also have a delay in their swallowing reflex. It takes work with a therapist (mine was speech, but a physical therapist might help as well)., We're in a similar boat. Our son sucks on his hands or whatever and soaks all of his clothing and has that same rash on top of just sticking out his tongue and drooling.
No advice cause we haven't figured anything out. , I just want to say that I’m in a similar boat with my son. He just turned three and still drools. He was diagnosed with lvl 2 ASD and delayed speech in January. He’s been working with an oral therapist since last July to address the muscle weakness in his mouth and facial muscles which contribute to his drooling. It’s slowly improved, as has his speech, but he still drools, especially when he’s focused on something; it’ll just drip down his face then. It’s not the greatest thing, for sure. You’re not alone. Hang in there., It's not uncommon for kids with speech delays to also have a delay in their swallowing reflex. It takes work with a therapist (mine was speech, but a physical therapist might help as well)., We're in a similar boat. Our son sucks on his hands or whatever and soaks all of his clothing and has that same rash on top of just sticking out his tongue and drooling.
No advice cause we haven't figured anything out. , I just want to say that I’m in a similar boat with my son. He just turned three and still drools. He was diagnosed with lvl 2 ASD and delayed speech in January. He’s been working with an oral therapist since last July to address the muscle weakness in his mouth and facial muscles which contribute to his drooling. It’s slowly improved, as has his speech, but he still drools, especially when he’s focused on something; it’ll just drip down his face then. It’s not the greatest thing, for sure. You’re not alone. Hang in there.
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Toddler Won’t Walk
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Hi,
I’m hoping someone here might share their experience if you’ve had a similar one. I have a 21-month old toddler. I have suspected since she was 9 months old that she’s autistic (for many, many reasons) and we have an evaluation scheduled for next week. I have two older kids and the experience with them was much different.
She was very slow to crawl and doesn’t climb or even try to walk. She seems to have a sensory aversion to walking. When we try to get her to take steps, she cries and whines. I have tried taking her to play areas hoping that if she sees other children walking and running, she may want to as well. But she has no interest. We also did physical therapy for a few weeks but she hated it so much and I missed a lot of work so we quit.
We have other things going on: poor sleep patterns, sensory issues with eating, meltdowns for no obvious reason. But I wanted to specifically ask your experiences with walking. For now. lol
Thank you!
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Get her indoor and outdoor shoes like stride right or Geox brand. Go to another physio therapist and let them know of your last experience. It needs to be very playbased. Have her walk on carpet or soft floor.
What we did, we held her hands facing her( we’re walking backwards) and sang walking walking, stop stop stop with the stop being big and dramatic, So it’s taking a few steps walking with her and then stopping to give her a really nice break. Once he found that fun, we could walk with our hands under his armpits from behind so it was more correct walking. Try her with shoes, just with grip socks on or barefoot. Have her walk in between you and your partner, but be VERY close together i she barely has to take a step, have a cookie or a cracker and say walk to cracker, or some th isn’t like that.
My son loved when we added running: walking walking song and then running running running now we stop, we would also say, ready, set go. Eventually he was like hey, why bar we stopping, it was about reverse psychology for him. He started walking at 21 months.
If she doesn’t want to walk holding your hands at all even for a couple steps. See if she will stand at an activity table and then move the table slightly (and I mean very slightly out of reach once she’s standing at it support her at the underarms from behind and then eventually the hips. You can also use an iPad to motivate her, Our son started walking at around 26 months, due to muscular weakness (no clue how to really translate that).
We had to go to different pysiotherapists until we found one that worked in a way that clicked with him.
Today, he loves to drive everywhere with his scooter, don't give up hope!, my son didn’t walk until 18 months, we were referred to a physical therapist before he started walking but his pediatrician said to still take him with a physical therapist to get evaluated. They noticed my son had either low muscle tone or something was up with his hip because before walking he would crawl by dragging on leg. My son also hated physical therapy. We completely stopped going. He walks well, but is barely mastering climbing (he’s 3), can’t jump. He still needs physical therapy, which they’ll be providing at pre k now that he starts next week. I say you try another type of specialist or another physical therapist! maybe even OT can help., Hello.
My little one just recently (20 months) started fully walking by his own, he have low muscle toned and keeps falling a lot and wavers a lot while walking. He try to jump but ofc he falls, he crawled at 11 months dragging one leg sometimes, he learned to sit at 10 months and is in PT since 9 months.
PT session's are a hit and miss, sometimes my son enjoy the session other times he cries the entire time.
If I were you I would search for another PT theraphist since your daugther still needs help to reach that milestone of walking, maybe OT can also help if she have some adversion or scared to try and walk., Have you considered occupational therapy as opposed to physical therapy? My son is almost 6 now but we did a few years of OT for his gross and fine motor skills. He loved it, they had so much fun. OT is very all encompassing so kids tend to like it because it involves play., Mine either. We referred to Early Intervention at 12 months bc he was doing nothing beyond sitting up. It helped a huge amount with his development., Get her indoor and outdoor shoes like stride right or Geox brand. Go to another physio therapist and let them know of your last experience. It needs to be very playbased. Have her walk on carpet or soft floor.
What we did, we held her hands facing her( we’re walking backwards) and sang walking walking, stop stop stop with the stop being big and dramatic, So it’s taking a few steps walking with her and then stopping to give her a really nice break. Once he found that fun, we could walk with our hands under his armpits from behind so it was more correct walking. Try her with shoes, just with grip socks on or barefoot. Have her walk in between you and your partner, but be VERY close together i she barely has to take a step, have a cookie or a cracker and say walk to cracker, or some th isn’t like that.
My son loved when we added running: walking walking song and then running running running now we stop, we would also say, ready, set go. Eventually he was like hey, why bar we stopping, it was about reverse psychology for him. He started walking at 21 months.
If she doesn’t want to walk holding your hands at all even for a couple steps. See if she will stand at an activity table and then move the table slightly (and I mean very slightly out of reach once she’s standing at it support her at the underarms from behind and then eventually the hips. You can also use an iPad to motivate her, Our son started walking at around 26 months, due to muscular weakness (no clue how to really translate that).
We had to go to different pysiotherapists until we found one that worked in a way that clicked with him.
Today, he loves to drive everywhere with his scooter, don't give up hope!, my son didn’t walk until 18 months, we were referred to a physical therapist before he started walking but his pediatrician said to still take him with a physical therapist to get evaluated. They noticed my son had either low muscle tone or something was up with his hip because before walking he would crawl by dragging on leg. My son also hated physical therapy. We completely stopped going. He walks well, but is barely mastering climbing (he’s 3), can’t jump. He still needs physical therapy, which they’ll be providing at pre k now that he starts next week. I say you try another type of specialist or another physical therapist! maybe even OT can help., Hello.
My little one just recently (20 months) started fully walking by his own, he have low muscle toned and keeps falling a lot and wavers a lot while walking. He try to jump but ofc he falls, he crawled at 11 months dragging one leg sometimes, he learned to sit at 10 months and is in PT since 9 months.
PT session's are a hit and miss, sometimes my son enjoy the session other times he cries the entire time.
If I were you I would search for another PT theraphist since your daugther still needs help to reach that milestone of walking, maybe OT can also help if she have some adversion or scared to try and walk., Have you considered occupational therapy as opposed to physical therapy? My son is almost 6 now but we did a few years of OT for his gross and fine motor skills. He loved it, they had so much fun. OT is very all encompassing so kids tend to like it because it involves play., Mine either. We referred to Early Intervention at 12 months bc he was doing nothing beyond sitting up. It helped a huge amount with his development., Get her indoor and outdoor shoes like stride right or Geox brand. Go to another physio therapist and let them know of your last experience. It needs to be very playbased. Have her walk on carpet or soft floor.
What we did, we held her hands facing her( we’re walking backwards) and sang walking walking, stop stop stop with the stop being big and dramatic, So it’s taking a few steps walking with her and then stopping to give her a really nice break. Once he found that fun, we could walk with our hands under his armpits from behind so it was more correct walking. Try her with shoes, just with grip socks on or barefoot. Have her walk in between you and your partner, but be VERY close together i she barely has to take a step, have a cookie or a cracker and say walk to cracker, or some th isn’t like that.
My son loved when we added running: walking walking song and then running running running now we stop, we would also say, ready, set go. Eventually he was like hey, why bar we stopping, it was about reverse psychology for him. He started walking at 21 months.
If she doesn’t want to walk holding your hands at all even for a couple steps. See if she will stand at an activity table and then move the table slightly (and I mean very slightly out of reach once she’s standing at it support her at the underarms from behind and then eventually the hips. You can also use an iPad to motivate her, Our son started walking at around 26 months, due to muscular weakness (no clue how to really translate that).
We had to go to different pysiotherapists until we found one that worked in a way that clicked with him.
Today, he loves to drive everywhere with his scooter, don't give up hope!, my son didn’t walk until 18 months, we were referred to a physical therapist before he started walking but his pediatrician said to still take him with a physical therapist to get evaluated. They noticed my son had either low muscle tone or something was up with his hip because before walking he would crawl by dragging on leg. My son also hated physical therapy. We completely stopped going. He walks well, but is barely mastering climbing (he’s 3), can’t jump. He still needs physical therapy, which they’ll be providing at pre k now that he starts next week. I say you try another type of specialist or another physical therapist! maybe even OT can help., Hello.
My little one just recently (20 months) started fully walking by his own, he have low muscle toned and keeps falling a lot and wavers a lot while walking. He try to jump but ofc he falls, he crawled at 11 months dragging one leg sometimes, he learned to sit at 10 months and is in PT since 9 months.
PT session's are a hit and miss, sometimes my son enjoy the session other times he cries the entire time.
If I were you I would search for another PT theraphist since your daugther still needs help to reach that milestone of walking, maybe OT can also help if she have some adversion or scared to try and walk., Have you considered occupational therapy as opposed to physical therapy? My son is almost 6 now but we did a few years of OT for his gross and fine motor skills. He loved it, they had so much fun. OT is very all encompassing so kids tend to like it because it involves play., Mine either. We referred to Early Intervention at 12 months bc he was doing nothing beyond sitting up. It helped a huge amount with his development., Get her indoor and outdoor shoes like stride right or Geox brand. Go to another physio therapist and let them know of your last experience. It needs to be very playbased. Have her walk on carpet or soft floor.
What we did, we held her hands facing her( we’re walking backwards) and sang walking walking, stop stop stop with the stop being big and dramatic, So it’s taking a few steps walking with her and then stopping to give her a really nice break. Once he found that fun, we could walk with our hands under his armpits from behind so it was more correct walking. Try her with shoes, just with grip socks on or barefoot. Have her walk in between you and your partner, but be VERY close together i she barely has to take a step, have a cookie or a cracker and say walk to cracker, or some th isn’t like that.
My son loved when we added running: walking walking song and then running running running now we stop, we would also say, ready, set go. Eventually he was like hey, why bar we stopping, it was about reverse psychology for him. He started walking at 21 months.
If she doesn’t want to walk holding your hands at all even for a couple steps. See if she will stand at an activity table and then move the table slightly (and I mean very slightly out of reach once she’s standing at it support her at the underarms from behind and then eventually the hips. You can also use an iPad to motivate her, Our son started walking at around 26 months, due to muscular weakness (no clue how to really translate that).
We had to go to different pysiotherapists until we found one that worked in a way that clicked with him.
Today, he loves to drive everywhere with his scooter, don't give up hope!, my son didn’t walk until 18 months, we were referred to a physical therapist before he started walking but his pediatrician said to still take him with a physical therapist to get evaluated. They noticed my son had either low muscle tone or something was up with his hip because before walking he would crawl by dragging on leg. My son also hated physical therapy. We completely stopped going. He walks well, but is barely mastering climbing (he’s 3), can’t jump. He still needs physical therapy, which they’ll be providing at pre k now that he starts next week. I say you try another type of specialist or another physical therapist! maybe even OT can help., Hello.
My little one just recently (20 months) started fully walking by his own, he have low muscle toned and keeps falling a lot and wavers a lot while walking. He try to jump but ofc he falls, he crawled at 11 months dragging one leg sometimes, he learned to sit at 10 months and is in PT since 9 months.
PT session's are a hit and miss, sometimes my son enjoy the session other times he cries the entire time.
If I were you I would search for another PT theraphist since your daugther still needs help to reach that milestone of walking, maybe OT can also help if she have some adversion or scared to try and walk., Have you considered occupational therapy as opposed to physical therapy? My son is almost 6 now but we did a few years of OT for his gross and fine motor skills. He loved it, they had so much fun. OT is very all encompassing so kids tend to like it because it involves play., Mine either. We referred to Early Intervention at 12 months bc he was doing nothing beyond sitting up. It helped a huge amount with his development.
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Toddler currently getting screaned for autism new thing is it normal?
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My son is 16 months old. He has milk in the morning before breakfast, milk before nap, and milk before bedtime.
Lately, he will just hold his milk and stare at it happily but won't drink it. In one instance he was occupied with holding it for 5 mins before I just took it away and then convinced him to drink. Is this a normal thing?
Also, it's been hard for him to sleep lately, he will wake up crying, uncontrollably sometimes. Granted, he does have new teeth coming in.
We are still running through the process of his screening and waiting for the call to make an in-person apt. He got 14 out of 20 questions that made the nurse refer us for the apt.
Some other things he does is not look when you call his name, not look if you point, not point to get me to look at things, not say any words but kind of babbles repetitive sounds like “Ada Ada ada”, organizing or throw instead of plays with toys, though he seemed to understand concept of legos yesterday! He rotates things he's interested in a repetitive movement, shakes his head no sometimes when he walks, has minimal eye contact with me but extremely rare with others, and not interact with other children. I also noticed that with women he is very affectionate and doesn't get stranger danger at all. I'm a stay at home mom and am very cuddly with my son so that last one I'm not sure if it's because of me he is like that.
Please share your thoughts….
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14 out of 20 would definitely push me enough for an evaluation. My two autistic kids got maybe a 4?
Also, he might just not be interested in the milk. My kids never drank milk ever so it’s not the biggest deal if he doesn’t from a nutrition standpoint., Oh man, if you don't mind me asking, what were the signs you noticed?, Receptive language wasn’t great for either of them. They had some but it was age appropriate. My kids are 3 and 5 now so I don’t really remember what we got on the MCHAT. They’re also low support needs. But my son also is very self directed (still is!) so he needed help with some of those skills.
He did do the organizing and rotating of toys in toddlerhood but he plays now. I have an old post called “receptive delay” if you want to read how he was.
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Told my Regional A.B.A director "fuck you " today.
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Well, the day finally came when I told the A.B.A director to fuck off ...
Long story short, they emailed me regarding my daughters progress and our cancelation rate.
Said that they were ending services because we had a non-emergancy cancelation this month and that our daughter's progress hasn't been seeing any positive increases.
The long story :
We had a therapist that got pregnant and was canceling literally 70% of the time for 6+ months and there were times that due to our daughter being aggressive or having an episodes we have to occasionally cancel sessions as well.
I've had a meeting with the director earlier this month and was told that we need to decrease cancelations and improve on sessions.
We did decrease cancelations , did extra hours ,extended sessions did weekends and outings.
On the 17th when the therapist came over for session my daughter had an episode and was getting aggressive so for the safety of the therapist and everyone involved I canceled session with an appointment to do a makeup session on the weekend.
Fast forward 2 weeks and our daighters therapist goes on maternity leave, I get an email the other day from the director that they are terminating A.b.a due to the singular cancelation.
Of course no one would answer my phone calls, texts or emails. So I had to book a zoom meeting with the regional director just to talk to someone.
Had that meeting this evening and basically was literally told that the only reason I should've canceled was if my daughter was bleeding or in the hospital. I lost my shit, they refuse to adress the fact that my daughters progress is the way it is because our therapist was had a 70%+ cancelation rate, they only thing that they would point out was that there hasn't been any improvement in her progress and that we had too many non-emergancy cancelations.
So, I told that piece of shit how I felt tonight, he sits behind a fucking desk and don't personally interact with these kids in their homes, he don't know how it actually is to have a severe ,low functioning, aggressive, violent kid that sometimes don't wanna participate in therapy.
So it ended with me literally saying FUCK YOU and flipping him off and disconnecting from the meeting.
I was so pissed, I probably shouldn't have acted this way but I'm sick and tired of them trying to hold us accountable for the things that are out of our control, such as progress because of inadequate services and a therapist that called in 2-3 days a week out of 4.
In hindsight I feel good that I told him how I felt but I feel like I might have messed up.
Please tell me I'm not wrong or yes I did fuck up!...
I'm making calls in the morning to switch companies since she's just been authorized two weeks ago for another year.
Edit: we've been with this same a.b.a company for 6 -7 years abd have never had any issues with progress or cancelations until we got this current therapist, our last therapist of 4 years left the company for personal reasons. I asked them 4 months ago to get rid of the therapist and put someone else on my daughters case but due to short staffing they didn't accommodate or adress the issue.
It's really hard to explain all of this without going on for hours, I hope that this explains it enough, please feel free to ask any questions. My blood is still pumping, the meeting I had was 3 hours ago.
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This place sounds like they value the wrong things. Fuck You is a frustration response and it sounds like you hit your limit, after being stonewalled, which also shows they don’t value regular or easy ways at communication. It sounds like a combination of bad timing, and then not offering a release valve for what needs to be said or fixed., To be honest, you're not 100% wrong but you could have handled it better. This is exactly why we had a service coordinator working for us though; the entire industry is rife with turnover and people padding their hours just like this. It's reaching fraud levels IMO.
On the fiip side I know that their workers aren't receiving adequate pay. I had several who worked with my son who told me that they didn't want to quit but literally couldn't afford to work for what they were being paid. Those who were mobile therapists weren't even being paid for travel expenses and were being made to use their personal vehicles to drive to clients., I can relate to the Cancelation struggle 100000%. ABA is not easy. The companies want to use the kids for their data. The health insurance companies don’t wanna pay for it or refer it unless the kid is making progress, despite kids still needing therapy. It just feels like a scam sometimes., [deleted], I’m sorry, but It sounds like this guy saved you from firing them.
ABA providers should have clear policies on how much you can cancel in a given period. Any time THEY cancel should not be counted toward that allotment. You should also ask what there policy is when the tech is sick. Will therapy happen that day?
Also, they should be able to deal with aggressive kids. That’s literally what they’re supposed to do. If they feel they can’t and they cancel it should not come out of your allotment.
We went to a place with with a very high cancellation rate (by them) and saw no progress. Started a new place and have never had a single cancelation due to the therapist being sick., I am an RBT and I have noticed a trend of untrained (for aggresison) or unprepared (like with pregnancy) techs being put on cases. It's incredibly annoying, and unfair to both the tech and the client. My last BCBA (who I just left) was so unprepared for my last client. He had a lot of aggressive behaviors and when I asked how we were supposed to respond, she said "ahh well he's big and slow so 🤷🏽♀️. Just don't get hit. He hit me yesterday and it didn't even hurt".
Lemme tell ya, he had a lot of other behaviors as well.
Idk if this is something feasible for you, but when interviewing with a new company, you could ask them how they record cancelations. My first company used a different code for family cancelation v tech cancelation. Or even holiday v sick leave.. all of that. My current company doesn't even really have a schedule up for cancelations to be recorded >.>, The guy was a dick. Their cancellation rate was the problem but the minute they could make it your fault they did. This is not a company in it for the children it's a company in it for the money. Find a new one.
And yeah he should fuck off. Nothing wrong with telling him so., Imho.. you f-ed up. Always a bad idea to curse at people. It's all about your child. Never forget that., I understand your frustration. We've gone through 3 BCBAs in the span of 5 months and the loss of multiple RBTs at our ABA center. It's extremely frustrating, but even then I believe we should hold ourselves and our children to a higher standard. If not us, who will? We still have to be accountable for our actions.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Hang in there and I do hope you find a more suitable place for your family., Just wondering…is this Easterseals? We’ve had the same issue, [deleted], My spidey sense tells me that in an environment where there are too few providers and too many families looking for care, it's just easy for them to write us off and serve another customer when we are even a tiny bit inconvenient, much less violent. For example, we were contacted by two providers who simply disappeared when we said, in one case, we already have a part time provider that we'll need to alert and in the second case, let's talk about schedule that will also accommodate child's OT. These are nothings-- especially the first one-- but in both cases, poof, provider moved on to the next case. To summarize: it's them, and the business environment they're operating in, that makes it easy for them to simply drop us. And it's crazying-- crazying!-- for us, because we are not similarly situated. My real and deep sympathy to you. Been there., You know, they might now have had a choice,company policy, insurance requirements etc, and then you abused this guy.
Yeah, it sucked, but you had months to deal with the pregnant therapist canceling all the time.
This isn’t about your daughter, it was about you letting off steam., It feels good to read this, as you tell him honestly. I'm also sick of the situation where they try to do something from the high up, (i really appreciate their efforts and kindness to give us the opportunities), but sometimes i think that they don't really understand. Kinda difficult to word it but i think you understand.
May i know, is this free therapy provided for the government, or from your own pocket money? (I'm not from USA, so just curious), That’s infuriating and you can’t be blamed to react like that, gaslighting is a form of emotional torture. I don’t know if you what you refer to is the ABA providers controlled by California Regional Centers, but I’ve heard some horror stories about it, specifically for severely autistic clients. A mom I know, she wasn’t canceling sessions due to severe behaviors like you , so what the ABA provider did was to call CPS on her (they were probably fed up to deal with a difficult case) and threaten to refer her son to residential placement. She had to move out of the state to avoid further harassment, Most therapists out there want to get their money so they always want your kid to do more hours even though your kid probably laying in there while they’re on the phone. They don’t like cancel because they got all those full time therapies doing nothing. So why didn’t u switch that’s pregnant and have high cancellation rate. How would a pregnant woman handle an aggressive meltdown kid? She needs hours but how is that even safe for your kid and her and her unborn child, Our ABA center was great and then they got bought out by a larger company 6-9 months ago and they've cancelled so many sessions I've lost count. I've actually been meaning to create a spreadsheet so if we ever do run into the issue you are having I have data to show them where the issue is. We've rarely have to cancel fortunately but have missed some sessions where they were informed well in advance due to planned vacations here and there. I hope you are able to find a new provider quickly., Yep, that's his I felt. The priorities are on the wrong place, they would rather have data than allow some ppl continue with services, A.B.A is such an important tool for some of us, losing this service will have such a huge impact on overall progression and success. The fact that the decisions to continue or end services are controlled by some jackass sitting behind a desk and not working directly with these kids in the homes or field., Ugh, that's why sometimes i hate when higher ups asking for this data and that data. They just want data that will make their organisation looks good. When the data is not in their favor, they abandon it & abandon the problem, while searching for other data that'll fit their cause and marketing., I've already contacted insurance and left messages, will be calling again tomorrow. She was just approved and authorized for another year through the company that setups the a.b.a, they have multiple companies that they use so im thinking since she was approved through them for a year that it might not be too hard to get this fixed, if but I plan on fighting as usual, Thank you, this is EXACTLY how I felt., I feel like I might have messed up too , but I am thinking about my daughter and I am fed up with her being punished for something that she had nothing to do with. At that point he said that the decision was final and that unless I had any more questions questions regarding the termination of services that he had nothing else to say to me..
I was reiterating to him that this isn't about me or him or anyone but my daughter , that she needs the services and to hold us accountable for them providing inadequate services and a unprofessional therapist was ridiculous, he refused to adress the therapists cancelations and the progress due to not having consistent sessions. The only thing that he wanted to do was terminate services, I've been asking for them to replace therpists for months and they have ignored my requests, I was very upset and although I regret what I did im not sorry that I told him how I felt., nah. swearing is small. i genuinely remember every similar event where my dad stood up for me and it meant the world to me. i carry that and do for my kids.
and yes, as i became older the times he swore and really lit in to ppl for me meant a lot. Sometimes ppl just deserve it, I will in due time, right now I'm still in the process of finding a new place, I've had nothing but great experiences with this company up until I had to decide either take what specialist and schedule was available or risk having no therapy.
Our last therapist was awesome, 5 days a week 4 hours a day from 5-9pm . And we had nothing but positive encounters.
When covid hit and our therapist wanted to pursue her career elsewhere with better advancements we said our goodbyes after 4+ years , covid made getting a new therapist difficult and getting the same schedule was impossible even though it was important to do evenings due to our daughter coming home at 3:30 everyday from school and she usually wants to nap when she gets home, against my better judgment I agreed to take a m-w-f 4-6:30 schedule because it was all they had to offer, with the understanding that I was to eventually be given a new therapist with the same schedule that we had. Fast forward a year and that's today, so for 9 months of the year we been dealing with inconvenient and inconsistent therapy. I reminded them numerous times about the agreement and that this was supposed to be temporary until staff was available.
I feel so stupid for allowing them to walk all over me, and accepting the therapist's schedule and days . Knowing that it was going to be a problem , but I didn't know that it would end like this. I feel like we were railroaded, thus is a typical day and problem that families like our deal with, it's nonsense that we have to go through stuff like this. Our family is going to be greatly impacted by this., This post was about letting off steam, I tried exhausting all avenues to have this remedied before it came ton this.
I spoke with the case director, clinical director and reginal director months ago about the therapist's attendance and inconsistent behaviors. I asked to have her replaced months ago, that it wasn't working out and brought it to their attention about her attendance and lack of skill. They assured me that they were working on it and that it was a priority. Then they started hitting us with "progress" and "cancelation" problems, we had a meeting on the 10th of Aug and therapy was extended and authorized for another year and they once again assured me that they were working on getting a replacement for her and that once she leaves on maternity leave that they reassign all her Cases because they reassign after any therapist is out for two weeks no matter what. SO I was under the impression that soon we would be getting back on track and that things would be getting better, then on the 17th when my daughter had the behavior episode and therapy needed to be canceled , on the 24th I got the email that they were terminating services with absolutely no recourse . So, yea I'm pissed , but this has nothing to do with me at all, yea I told him how I felt but that was after I brought all those facts to him and he basically said if I didn't have any more questions regarding the discharge that our discussion was over ., It's through our insurance from work, however our daughter is dual covered so it weeks be through the government if it wasn't thriving employment insurance, No, it's not in California or a reginal center that provides it. We are going directly through insurance from work. That's absolutely insane that someone would put a family through that because of how they feel. We've been lucky to have had awesome experiences in the post with all of the services provided, it was only the past year that things took a turn for the worse. It's going to be some long days and nights until I can get this straightened out. Residential facilities are never going to be an option . We would do everything in out power to make things work., Exactly what I told them, but I agreed to allow her to stay on the case while they found a new therapist in order to keep my daughter from losing much needed hours, this was supposed to have been remedied 4 months ago. I've been waiting and waiting and then they decide that they are canceling services, There is a company through my local regional center that offers floor time based therapy as well as ABA therapy and it is not through the health insurance which you may want to look into if possible, Yep, I understand your reaction totally, believe me, but burning a bridge is a bad idea. My golden rules are no yelling, no cursing. If you break those rules, you're handing your enemy the power to end the meeting on the basis of behavior. However, as you said, perhaps the relationship was over anyway., Hindsight is always 20/20. Clearly this therapist wasn't a right fit and they did not seem to attempt to fix it. You did the right thing by considering a pregnant woman's safety, even if the company doesn't care I'm sure she and her family did. Yeah, you messed up at the end but the build up was there and it came from the right place. You can't undo anything, if you really want to you can send an email apologizing for the outburst/behavior and explain the culmination of everything as to why you finally broke snapped so it's on record.
I hope you find an interim therapist soon., I mean, you swore at someone who was doing their job. I can’t think of any reason that would be appropriate tbh. Would you yell and scream and swear at the checks out chick? A police man?, Yeah they can cancel but you can’t, even small mom and pop therapy places know that’s not how it works and they have to make up for it .U should talk someone higher, Yes, the relationship was definitely over ,I normally have very high restraint , as having a kid on the spectrum and non-verbal
violent one has taught me patience. I know how to deal with these ppl.. I knew that the relationship was over and that there was no hope in services being re-instated through this particular A.B.A company. Hence why I decided that I might as well tell him how I feel., Thank you , I am just going to contact the providers and insurance, I don't really see a need to even waste my time with him. He was rude and made his mind up and would not address the real problems that have occurred
I feel like it's best to just not have any contact with him at all and deal directly with insurance and providers., When it comes to my daughter I'm very overprotective, she depends on me for everything in life, I've swore at a ton of ppl for treating her unfairly, for not taking her disability into consideration, plenty of times I've had to deal with inconsiderate or rude ppl, when you have a severely autistic kid, things tend to happen more than often, so to answer your question, yes, if it involves my disabled daughter or any of my kids I absolutely will cuss at someone including a cop.
Do you have a disabled kid?
Do you deal with the stuff that we do?
Your profile makes me believe that you are not in the states , so you would understand some of this., I'm working on it, Using your overprotectiveness as an excuse to unload in people is not a great excuse. You can be overprotective without taking it out on others. I’ll just assume you’ve told be to fuck off, as is your wont, and I’ll dip. And this is coming from an Aussie, who swears every other sentence.
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Tonsil surgery/apnea
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My daughter has sleep apnea, she’s 3 and her surgery is planned for next month. I AM A WRECK! I know she won’t remember getting this surgery, but still surgery just freaks me out. Anyone have experience with this? She’s 3 and verbal, but I doubt she’d understand surgery. Also, if anyone had this surgery for the same issue, did you notice an improvement in sleep and behavior?
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My best friend's son had this surgery when he was 6 or 7 and it made a huge difference for him. He handled the recovery surprisingly well (the surgeon told my friend the younger they are the easier recovery is). This friend had her tonsils out as an adult so she remembered it vividly and was very concerned for her boy....but he did great!
His sleep improved drastically, his dark circles faded, and she did see some behavior improvement especially in the mornings but he does struggle with some mental health diagnoses that do affect his behavior in general, so overall he still struggles with behavior. But, his morning meltdowns surrounding getting ready for school did disappear, and that was a huge help., My son had his tonsils and adenoids removed four months ago. He’s 4.5 years old.
His biggest challenge around recovery was eating/drinking enough as he’s a *very* picky eater with little room for weight loss. It was a real struggle to convince him to eat/drink or take medicine afterwards because his throat was so sore. It was a rough two weeks.
Our surgeon was blunt with us about how recovery would go. He said that “food motivated” kids tend to recover faster because they’ll eat through the pain and that average/underweight kids like mine tend to have a harder time. (Do with that what you will.)
That being said, it was the best thing for him. He doesn’t snore any more. He sleeps through the night more often. He seems to be getting a higher quality of sleep overall. He also seems to get sick less which is a major win too., My son has severe sleep apnea and his ENT wasn't comfortable doing surgery since he wouldn't understand to not cry or yell or listen to instructions. So he told us to do Flonase every night. I was apprehensive but WOW. Literally night and day. Before, you could hear him clear across the house. Now I have to check him every so often bc he breathes soooo quietly now and not panic episodes. Do your research and trust your gut. Never hurts to have a second opinion., There's evidence sleep apnea causes autism. Researchers are looking into it.
https://news.wisc.edu/in-animal-studies-maternal-sleep-apnea-risks-constellation-of-deficits-in-male-offspring/, My son is 6 and set to have his tonsils out and cavities filled at the end of the month and we are DREADING it. He's level 3 non-verbal, bad sleep apnea, but he's also a tank and he doesn't listen/understand not to scream/yell.
He loves ice cream cones, so we may just end up living in a dairy queen parking lot for 2 weeks.
Does anyone have any advice on the overnight stay? I'm not sure how to get him not pull at ivs or let them check vitals. He's not going to let them look in his mouth. I'm just terrified he's going to get himself so worked up he's going to jar his sutures loose. We have to hide any kind of pain meds or medicines because he will literally vomit otherwise.
Please someone tell me were not just traumatizing him. He still remembers when he broke his foot 4 years ago and so anytime he gets a foot cramp it takes us hours to get him to even walk again because he won't put pressure on it. And now he's too big/strong to lift.
I'm gonna go cry now just thinking about all this 😢, There's evidence sleep apnea causes autism. Researchers are looking into it.
https://news.wisc.edu/in-animal-studies-maternal-sleep-apnea-risks-constellation-of-deficits-in-male-offspring/
All genetic syndromes that cause autism, such as Downs Syndrome have a high prevalence of sleep apnea that starts at birth. This suggests that sleep apnea contributes to altered brain development in autism., Thanks, this is helpful. We somehow got lucky our daughter is super picky. She refuses to try a cheeseburger, but her favorite foods at the moment are salmon, cous cous and avocado. Hoping the surgery doesn’t change that, *isnt, Sorry our experience wasn’t helpful. I’m of the opinion that I’d rather know the worst and be able to prepare for it as much as possible.
All of the foods you listed are soft and may feel good on her throat. That’s a plus., Oh it was helpful! I meant my daughter isn’t super picky with food. This was sooo helpful, Whoops! Sorry for the misunderstanding! :)
I hope her recovery is smooth and uneventful!, My best friend's son had this surgery when he was 6 or 7 and it made a huge difference for him. He handled the recovery surprisingly well (the surgeon told my friend the younger they are the easier recovery is). This friend had her tonsils out as an adult so she remembered it vividly and was very concerned for her boy....but he did great!
His sleep improved drastically, his dark circles faded, and she did see some behavior improvement especially in the mornings but he does struggle with some mental health diagnoses that do affect his behavior in general, so overall he still struggles with behavior. But, his morning meltdowns surrounding getting ready for school did disappear, and that was a huge help., My son had his tonsils and adenoids removed four months ago. He’s 4.5 years old.
His biggest challenge around recovery was eating/drinking enough as he’s a *very* picky eater with little room for weight loss. It was a real struggle to convince him to eat/drink or take medicine afterwards because his throat was so sore. It was a rough two weeks.
Our surgeon was blunt with us about how recovery would go. He said that “food motivated” kids tend to recover faster because they’ll eat through the pain and that average/underweight kids like mine tend to have a harder time. (Do with that what you will.)
That being said, it was the best thing for him. He doesn’t snore any more. He sleeps through the night more often. He seems to be getting a higher quality of sleep overall. He also seems to get sick less which is a major win too., My son has severe sleep apnea and his ENT wasn't comfortable doing surgery since he wouldn't understand to not cry or yell or listen to instructions. So he told us to do Flonase every night. I was apprehensive but WOW. Literally night and day. Before, you could hear him clear across the house. Now I have to check him every so often bc he breathes soooo quietly now and not panic episodes. Do your research and trust your gut. Never hurts to have a second opinion., There's evidence sleep apnea causes autism. Researchers are looking into it.
https://news.wisc.edu/in-animal-studies-maternal-sleep-apnea-risks-constellation-of-deficits-in-male-offspring/, My son is 6 and set to have his tonsils out and cavities filled at the end of the month and we are DREADING it. He's level 3 non-verbal, bad sleep apnea, but he's also a tank and he doesn't listen/understand not to scream/yell.
He loves ice cream cones, so we may just end up living in a dairy queen parking lot for 2 weeks.
Does anyone have any advice on the overnight stay? I'm not sure how to get him not pull at ivs or let them check vitals. He's not going to let them look in his mouth. I'm just terrified he's going to get himself so worked up he's going to jar his sutures loose. We have to hide any kind of pain meds or medicines because he will literally vomit otherwise.
Please someone tell me were not just traumatizing him. He still remembers when he broke his foot 4 years ago and so anytime he gets a foot cramp it takes us hours to get him to even walk again because he won't put pressure on it. And now he's too big/strong to lift.
I'm gonna go cry now just thinking about all this 😢, There's evidence sleep apnea causes autism. Researchers are looking into it.
https://news.wisc.edu/in-animal-studies-maternal-sleep-apnea-risks-constellation-of-deficits-in-male-offspring/
All genetic syndromes that cause autism, such as Downs Syndrome have a high prevalence of sleep apnea that starts at birth. This suggests that sleep apnea contributes to altered brain development in autism., Thanks, this is helpful. We somehow got lucky our daughter is super picky. She refuses to try a cheeseburger, but her favorite foods at the moment are salmon, cous cous and avocado. Hoping the surgery doesn’t change that, *isnt, Sorry our experience wasn’t helpful. I’m of the opinion that I’d rather know the worst and be able to prepare for it as much as possible.
All of the foods you listed are soft and may feel good on her throat. That’s a plus., Oh it was helpful! I meant my daughter isn’t super picky with food. This was sooo helpful, Whoops! Sorry for the misunderstanding! :)
I hope her recovery is smooth and uneventful!, My best friend's son had this surgery when he was 6 or 7 and it made a huge difference for him. He handled the recovery surprisingly well (the surgeon told my friend the younger they are the easier recovery is). This friend had her tonsils out as an adult so she remembered it vividly and was very concerned for her boy....but he did great!
His sleep improved drastically, his dark circles faded, and she did see some behavior improvement especially in the mornings but he does struggle with some mental health diagnoses that do affect his behavior in general, so overall he still struggles with behavior. But, his morning meltdowns surrounding getting ready for school did disappear, and that was a huge help., My son had his tonsils and adenoids removed four months ago. He’s 4.5 years old.
His biggest challenge around recovery was eating/drinking enough as he’s a *very* picky eater with little room for weight loss. It was a real struggle to convince him to eat/drink or take medicine afterwards because his throat was so sore. It was a rough two weeks.
Our surgeon was blunt with us about how recovery would go. He said that “food motivated” kids tend to recover faster because they’ll eat through the pain and that average/underweight kids like mine tend to have a harder time. (Do with that what you will.)
That being said, it was the best thing for him. He doesn’t snore any more. He sleeps through the night more often. He seems to be getting a higher quality of sleep overall. He also seems to get sick less which is a major win too., My son has severe sleep apnea and his ENT wasn't comfortable doing surgery since he wouldn't understand to not cry or yell or listen to instructions. So he told us to do Flonase every night. I was apprehensive but WOW. Literally night and day. Before, you could hear him clear across the house. Now I have to check him every so often bc he breathes soooo quietly now and not panic episodes. Do your research and trust your gut. Never hurts to have a second opinion., There's evidence sleep apnea causes autism. Researchers are looking into it.
https://news.wisc.edu/in-animal-studies-maternal-sleep-apnea-risks-constellation-of-deficits-in-male-offspring/, My son is 6 and set to have his tonsils out and cavities filled at the end of the month and we are DREADING it. He's level 3 non-verbal, bad sleep apnea, but he's also a tank and he doesn't listen/understand not to scream/yell.
He loves ice cream cones, so we may just end up living in a dairy queen parking lot for 2 weeks.
Does anyone have any advice on the overnight stay? I'm not sure how to get him not pull at ivs or let them check vitals. He's not going to let them look in his mouth. I'm just terrified he's going to get himself so worked up he's going to jar his sutures loose. We have to hide any kind of pain meds or medicines because he will literally vomit otherwise.
Please someone tell me were not just traumatizing him. He still remembers when he broke his foot 4 years ago and so anytime he gets a foot cramp it takes us hours to get him to even walk again because he won't put pressure on it. And now he's too big/strong to lift.
I'm gonna go cry now just thinking about all this 😢, There's evidence sleep apnea causes autism. Researchers are looking into it.
https://news.wisc.edu/in-animal-studies-maternal-sleep-apnea-risks-constellation-of-deficits-in-male-offspring/
All genetic syndromes that cause autism, such as Downs Syndrome have a high prevalence of sleep apnea that starts at birth. This suggests that sleep apnea contributes to altered brain development in autism., Thanks, this is helpful. We somehow got lucky our daughter is super picky. She refuses to try a cheeseburger, but her favorite foods at the moment are salmon, cous cous and avocado. Hoping the surgery doesn’t change that, *isnt, Sorry our experience wasn’t helpful. I’m of the opinion that I’d rather know the worst and be able to prepare for it as much as possible.
All of the foods you listed are soft and may feel good on her throat. That’s a plus., Oh it was helpful! I meant my daughter isn’t super picky with food. This was sooo helpful, Whoops! Sorry for the misunderstanding! :)
I hope her recovery is smooth and uneventful!, My best friend's son had this surgery when he was 6 or 7 and it made a huge difference for him. He handled the recovery surprisingly well (the surgeon told my friend the younger they are the easier recovery is). This friend had her tonsils out as an adult so she remembered it vividly and was very concerned for her boy....but he did great!
His sleep improved drastically, his dark circles faded, and she did see some behavior improvement especially in the mornings but he does struggle with some mental health diagnoses that do affect his behavior in general, so overall he still struggles with behavior. But, his morning meltdowns surrounding getting ready for school did disappear, and that was a huge help., My son had his tonsils and adenoids removed four months ago. He’s 4.5 years old.
His biggest challenge around recovery was eating/drinking enough as he’s a *very* picky eater with little room for weight loss. It was a real struggle to convince him to eat/drink or take medicine afterwards because his throat was so sore. It was a rough two weeks.
Our surgeon was blunt with us about how recovery would go. He said that “food motivated” kids tend to recover faster because they’ll eat through the pain and that average/underweight kids like mine tend to have a harder time. (Do with that what you will.)
That being said, it was the best thing for him. He doesn’t snore any more. He sleeps through the night more often. He seems to be getting a higher quality of sleep overall. He also seems to get sick less which is a major win too., My son has severe sleep apnea and his ENT wasn't comfortable doing surgery since he wouldn't understand to not cry or yell or listen to instructions. So he told us to do Flonase every night. I was apprehensive but WOW. Literally night and day. Before, you could hear him clear across the house. Now I have to check him every so often bc he breathes soooo quietly now and not panic episodes. Do your research and trust your gut. Never hurts to have a second opinion., There's evidence sleep apnea causes autism. Researchers are looking into it.
https://news.wisc.edu/in-animal-studies-maternal-sleep-apnea-risks-constellation-of-deficits-in-male-offspring/, My son is 6 and set to have his tonsils out and cavities filled at the end of the month and we are DREADING it. He's level 3 non-verbal, bad sleep apnea, but he's also a tank and he doesn't listen/understand not to scream/yell.
He loves ice cream cones, so we may just end up living in a dairy queen parking lot for 2 weeks.
Does anyone have any advice on the overnight stay? I'm not sure how to get him not pull at ivs or let them check vitals. He's not going to let them look in his mouth. I'm just terrified he's going to get himself so worked up he's going to jar his sutures loose. We have to hide any kind of pain meds or medicines because he will literally vomit otherwise.
Please someone tell me were not just traumatizing him. He still remembers when he broke his foot 4 years ago and so anytime he gets a foot cramp it takes us hours to get him to even walk again because he won't put pressure on it. And now he's too big/strong to lift.
I'm gonna go cry now just thinking about all this 😢, There's evidence sleep apnea causes autism. Researchers are looking into it.
https://news.wisc.edu/in-animal-studies-maternal-sleep-apnea-risks-constellation-of-deficits-in-male-offspring/
All genetic syndromes that cause autism, such as Downs Syndrome have a high prevalence of sleep apnea that starts at birth. This suggests that sleep apnea contributes to altered brain development in autism., Thanks, this is helpful. We somehow got lucky our daughter is super picky. She refuses to try a cheeseburger, but her favorite foods at the moment are salmon, cous cous and avocado. Hoping the surgery doesn’t change that, *isnt, Sorry our experience wasn’t helpful. I’m of the opinion that I’d rather know the worst and be able to prepare for it as much as possible.
All of the foods you listed are soft and may feel good on her throat. That’s a plus., Oh it was helpful! I meant my daughter isn’t super picky with food. This was sooo helpful, Whoops! Sorry for the misunderstanding! :)
I hope her recovery is smooth and uneventful!
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Too much ABA for 10 year old
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I’m struggling. My son is diagnosed Autism 2. He has an IEP special ed with intensive ABA therapy at school. Sometimes he even has a 2 to 1 ratio of BTs. His ABA day starts from 8:30am to 3:30pm (7 hours of in school ABA). He gets home at 3:45 then starts ABA again from 4-7:30 (another 3.5 hours a day) that’s 10.5 hours/day x 5 days a week = 52.5 hours/week.
I have an “Aspie” 15 year old and 13 year old neurotypical daughter as well.
Honesty I am burnt out, I can imagine my son not being frustrated as well. Plus in the company. The turnover rate of BT is so high we never have the same therapist for more than a month. The last therapist to quit was at the end of November. The three months we did Not have afterschool therapy. My son‘s behavior got so much better. I worked closely with the therapist at school we were open communication. We are on the same system for rewards. Had to deal with things what to ignore what to address. Etc now three months later therapy started up again so back to 50+ hours a week and after four days I am burnt out and today I haven’t seen such behaviors out of my son in over a year and he’s back to hitting throwing slapping pulling hair swearing and basically throwing a three hour tantrum all because he I think does not want therapy.
Plus, the fact there aren’t really any goals in place as most of the at home functioning he has already mastered. Brushing teeth, taking a shower, washing himself, getting dressed, even using a microwave to make his own chicken nuggets, pouring his own juice. Now his behaviors are increasing in school as well since afterschool therapy has started. (I took the 40 hour RVT training course that was online so I have a clue as to what it is BT does because in situations where there is no BT, then I become the BT given that I’m his primary caretaker.
I think he’s getting too much BT and I think he’s burnt out and I think he’s severely protesting, which is why all the behavior is now increasing again. But am I doing him an injustice by canceling afterschool therapy and just going with school therapy? I don’t know. Also of note we’ve been at this for over three years. And yes, overtime progress has been made but I don’t think it’s due to the afterschool only maybe one therapist I could say was really good and was able to help him transition from a sippy cup to a cup & straw. The rest of his progress the school did , or I did from what I was learning about ABA.
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Personally, I would get rid of.the evening sessions. Especially since it sounds like that worked well when you were forced to take a break, That sounds like an incredibly long day for anyone let
alone a 10 year old (I have no clue how you’ve managed this for three years, truly you’re incredible!). I agree that it sounds like the evening sessions are too much and eliminating those would relieve some pressure from your kiddo. Best of luck to you both., For a level 2 kid, that seems like a lot of therapy. If he has no other goals at the moment and is getting almost 30 hours a week at school and is showing signs of burn-out with more, I personally would cut the private therapy.
My level 2 preschooler has maybe 2 hours of speech a week, 1 hour of OT and 30 mins of music therapy, and that feels like a lot for him.
I would have a chat with the private therapists and ask them what if anything they would still want to target. If they don't have an answer, I wouldn't hesitate to give him his afternoons back., I just knocked my 3 year old down from 5 days a week (8:30 - 3:00) to 3 days a week because I thought that was too much. I think your child will benefit from getting more rest, Thank you. I think that’s the direction I’m heading I’m gonna talk to the school directors first and the BCBA at school to get their feeling on it especially behavior are gonna be increasing with afternoon therapy., Personally, I would get rid of.the evening sessions. Especially since it sounds like that worked well when you were forced to take a break, That sounds like an incredibly long day for anyone let
alone a 10 year old (I have no clue how you’ve managed this for three years, truly you’re incredible!). I agree that it sounds like the evening sessions are too much and eliminating those would relieve some pressure from your kiddo. Best of luck to you both., For a level 2 kid, that seems like a lot of therapy. If he has no other goals at the moment and is getting almost 30 hours a week at school and is showing signs of burn-out with more, I personally would cut the private therapy.
My level 2 preschooler has maybe 2 hours of speech a week, 1 hour of OT and 30 mins of music therapy, and that feels like a lot for him.
I would have a chat with the private therapists and ask them what if anything they would still want to target. If they don't have an answer, I wouldn't hesitate to give him his afternoons back., I just knocked my 3 year old down from 5 days a week (8:30 - 3:00) to 3 days a week because I thought that was too much. I think your child will benefit from getting more rest, Thank you. I think that’s the direction I’m heading I’m gonna talk to the school directors first and the BCBA at school to get their feeling on it especially behavior are gonna be increasing with afternoon therapy., Personally, I would get rid of.the evening sessions. Especially since it sounds like that worked well when you were forced to take a break, That sounds like an incredibly long day for anyone let
alone a 10 year old (I have no clue how you’ve managed this for three years, truly you’re incredible!). I agree that it sounds like the evening sessions are too much and eliminating those would relieve some pressure from your kiddo. Best of luck to you both., For a level 2 kid, that seems like a lot of therapy. If he has no other goals at the moment and is getting almost 30 hours a week at school and is showing signs of burn-out with more, I personally would cut the private therapy.
My level 2 preschooler has maybe 2 hours of speech a week, 1 hour of OT and 30 mins of music therapy, and that feels like a lot for him.
I would have a chat with the private therapists and ask them what if anything they would still want to target. If they don't have an answer, I wouldn't hesitate to give him his afternoons back., I just knocked my 3 year old down from 5 days a week (8:30 - 3:00) to 3 days a week because I thought that was too much. I think your child will benefit from getting more rest, Thank you. I think that’s the direction I’m heading I’m gonna talk to the school directors first and the BCBA at school to get their feeling on it especially behavior are gonna be increasing with afternoon therapy., Personally, I would get rid of.the evening sessions. Especially since it sounds like that worked well when you were forced to take a break, That sounds like an incredibly long day for anyone let
alone a 10 year old (I have no clue how you’ve managed this for three years, truly you’re incredible!). I agree that it sounds like the evening sessions are too much and eliminating those would relieve some pressure from your kiddo. Best of luck to you both., For a level 2 kid, that seems like a lot of therapy. If he has no other goals at the moment and is getting almost 30 hours a week at school and is showing signs of burn-out with more, I personally would cut the private therapy.
My level 2 preschooler has maybe 2 hours of speech a week, 1 hour of OT and 30 mins of music therapy, and that feels like a lot for him.
I would have a chat with the private therapists and ask them what if anything they would still want to target. If they don't have an answer, I wouldn't hesitate to give him his afternoons back., I just knocked my 3 year old down from 5 days a week (8:30 - 3:00) to 3 days a week because I thought that was too much. I think your child will benefit from getting more rest, Thank you. I think that’s the direction I’m heading I’m gonna talk to the school directors first and the BCBA at school to get their feeling on it especially behavior are gonna be increasing with afternoon therapy.
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Toy Obsession
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Hi everyone - would like some feedback. My almost 4 year old son is on the autism spectrum - level 3. He is pre-verbal (I guess), has a large vocabulary but rarely uses words pragmatically for communication. He has gestalts, that he often uses in context - ones that he picked up from nursery rhymes, and have pretty much memorized a ton of those.
My question is around his obsession. He is obsessed with school buses and ‘wheels on the bus’. He has strong interest in vehicles but if he sees a school bus toy - he will play with that all day in the same way. Driving it everywhere and singing wheels on the bus, acting out the various phrases (people of the bus go up an down etc). Anytime he gets his hands on a phone - his default is to go through all of the wheels on the bus variations. The days when I have taken the bus away, or not let him dictate the videos he’s watching - I have seen him engage in other toys and activities.
Should I continue to allow him to play with it or just hide it so that he can explore other things? I am worried that he’s repeating the same thing over and over and not learning new things. What has your experience been with something similar?
Edit: corrected typos
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Let him love his favorite toy/song. There’s not anything wrong with it. I understand your concern about his fixation but as he gets older you’ll just have to stop buying toddler toy buses and move up to model buses for him to build while singing “Wheels on the Bus” hahaha. It is good for him to explore other toys and activities but maybe try to incorporate the bus and the song in those activities. Like, sings “The bubbles in the bath go pop pop pop” while blow bubbles and him playing with the bus (if it isn’t electronic maybe let him have it in the bath). Or get other toys to play with the buses along side him. Use them to your advantage vs thinking about how it can disadvantage him. You’re doing great. Keep it up. 🫶🏻, Let him love his favorite toy/song. There’s not anything wrong with it. I understand your concern about his fixation but as he gets older you’ll just have to stop buying toddler toy buses and move up to model buses for him to build while singing “Wheels on the Bus” hahaha. It is good for him to explore other toys and activities but maybe try to incorporate the bus and the song in those activities. Like, sings “The bubbles in the bath go pop pop pop” while blow bubbles and him playing with the bus (if it isn’t electronic maybe let him have it in the bath). Or get other toys to play with the buses along side him. Use them to your advantage vs thinking about how it can disadvantage him. You’re doing great. Keep it up. 🫶🏻, Let him love his favorite toy/song. There’s not anything wrong with it. I understand your concern about his fixation but as he gets older you’ll just have to stop buying toddler toy buses and move up to model buses for him to build while singing “Wheels on the Bus” hahaha. It is good for him to explore other toys and activities but maybe try to incorporate the bus and the song in those activities. Like, sings “The bubbles in the bath go pop pop pop” while blow bubbles and him playing with the bus (if it isn’t electronic maybe let him have it in the bath). Or get other toys to play with the buses along side him. Use them to your advantage vs thinking about how it can disadvantage him. You’re doing great. Keep it up. 🫶🏻, Let him love his favorite toy/song. There’s not anything wrong with it. I understand your concern about his fixation but as he gets older you’ll just have to stop buying toddler toy buses and move up to model buses for him to build while singing “Wheels on the Bus” hahaha. It is good for him to explore other toys and activities but maybe try to incorporate the bus and the song in those activities. Like, sings “The bubbles in the bath go pop pop pop” while blow bubbles and him playing with the bus (if it isn’t electronic maybe let him have it in the bath). Or get other toys to play with the buses along side him. Use them to your advantage vs thinking about how it can disadvantage him. You’re doing great. Keep it up. 🫶🏻
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Travel for work
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How do you all manage the anxiety of leaving your child for a trip? I have to go out of the country for a work trip and although my daughter will have my husband and my parents to help take care of her… I’m having extreme anxiety about leaving her. There’s so much of her day and routine that I do. I feel like I can’t keep saying no to these work trips bc I need my job but the thought of leaving her gives me so much anxiety. I work from home and have been with her ever since she was born (covid baby) just searching for advice and to not feel so alone on this
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My son has autism and is so attached to his dad. My husband works off-shore, so he is gone regularly. We have our trouble days. FaceTime if you can. Make sure caregivers can keep up your daughter’s routine. Try to enjoy your trip., I refuse to go on work trips. I'm willing to suffer the consequences but so far have not had any., I went back to work when my daughter turned three and will be going on my first work trip in August. I work from home and have been with her almost every minute of her life. I’m anxious about it but also maybe a little excited to get away for the first time and just be a person in the world., You put your faith in your partner. That's what they are there for. I've had to do one overnight since they were born, but SO has to travel for a few days at a time on a regular basis. We persevere., I wish I could just suffer the consequences but I also carry our insurance so I can’t lose my job either. Sucks bc I really don’t want to leave her, Your milage may vary, of course. For me, when I interviewed for this role and when I was made an offer, travel was never discussed as a requirement. So I don't feel any obligation. I say no thanks when asked and at this point I am not elaborating further. If I am ever pressed I will just say I have a private family medical reason for not going., Thank you for this 🤍, My son has autism and is so attached to his dad. My husband works off-shore, so he is gone regularly. We have our trouble days. FaceTime if you can. Make sure caregivers can keep up your daughter’s routine. Try to enjoy your trip., I refuse to go on work trips. I'm willing to suffer the consequences but so far have not had any., I went back to work when my daughter turned three and will be going on my first work trip in August. I work from home and have been with her almost every minute of her life. I’m anxious about it but also maybe a little excited to get away for the first time and just be a person in the world., You put your faith in your partner. That's what they are there for. I've had to do one overnight since they were born, but SO has to travel for a few days at a time on a regular basis. We persevere., I wish I could just suffer the consequences but I also carry our insurance so I can’t lose my job either. Sucks bc I really don’t want to leave her, Your milage may vary, of course. For me, when I interviewed for this role and when I was made an offer, travel was never discussed as a requirement. So I don't feel any obligation. I say no thanks when asked and at this point I am not elaborating further. If I am ever pressed I will just say I have a private family medical reason for not going., Thank you for this 🤍, My son has autism and is so attached to his dad. My husband works off-shore, so he is gone regularly. We have our trouble days. FaceTime if you can. Make sure caregivers can keep up your daughter’s routine. Try to enjoy your trip., I refuse to go on work trips. I'm willing to suffer the consequences but so far have not had any., I went back to work when my daughter turned three and will be going on my first work trip in August. I work from home and have been with her almost every minute of her life. I’m anxious about it but also maybe a little excited to get away for the first time and just be a person in the world., You put your faith in your partner. That's what they are there for. I've had to do one overnight since they were born, but SO has to travel for a few days at a time on a regular basis. We persevere., I wish I could just suffer the consequences but I also carry our insurance so I can’t lose my job either. Sucks bc I really don’t want to leave her, Your milage may vary, of course. For me, when I interviewed for this role and when I was made an offer, travel was never discussed as a requirement. So I don't feel any obligation. I say no thanks when asked and at this point I am not elaborating further. If I am ever pressed I will just say I have a private family medical reason for not going., Thank you for this 🤍, My son has autism and is so attached to his dad. My husband works off-shore, so he is gone regularly. We have our trouble days. FaceTime if you can. Make sure caregivers can keep up your daughter’s routine. Try to enjoy your trip., I refuse to go on work trips. I'm willing to suffer the consequences but so far have not had any., I went back to work when my daughter turned three and will be going on my first work trip in August. I work from home and have been with her almost every minute of her life. I’m anxious about it but also maybe a little excited to get away for the first time and just be a person in the world., You put your faith in your partner. That's what they are there for. I've had to do one overnight since they were born, but SO has to travel for a few days at a time on a regular basis. We persevere., I wish I could just suffer the consequences but I also carry our insurance so I can’t lose my job either. Sucks bc I really don’t want to leave her, Your milage may vary, of course. For me, when I interviewed for this role and when I was made an offer, travel was never discussed as a requirement. So I don't feel any obligation. I say no thanks when asked and at this point I am not elaborating further. If I am ever pressed I will just say I have a private family medical reason for not going., Thank you for this 🤍
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Traveling with ASD kid
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My 5 y.o. son is ASD, unknown level. In the past he has been known for crying when going to new places but now it happens intermittently. My mom just had major surgery and has used all her sick and vacation days to recover.
Because the flight to my mother's is a long one and we have to take a ferry to get to her I wanna do a trial run with my son on a smaller trip. As it so happens a family friend is getting married next month so we can try the ferry ride.
His behaviour therapist agrees its OK to try the ferry but my husband doesn't agree. He thinks it doesn't make sense to put my son through the traumatic trip but how do we know he won't like it?
I try to get my son to try new things because if we don't try how will we know if he likes it or not. But my husband basically called me a bad mother for even considering it.
Sometimes I feel my husband prefers to just leave my son with family if we have to travel. He sees kids on flights and is afraid to be in that situation. But the last time we traveled and left my son he cried for my entire trip, didn't eat, couldn't function in school. And it made me feel horrible.
My son loves the beach, loves water and loves when we drive up and down a hill. So I think he might like the ferry. And I'm travelling with family, so we would have help.
How do you guys travel with your little ones? Any advice would be appreciated.
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My child has always travelled with me and been fine, beyond the usual very small baby car issues.
I personally subscribe to the try anything approach as I certainly don't wish to limit my child and their experiences.
It's different if something isn't a great experience!
Good luck., Our daughter goes everywhere we go. She gets exposed to everything. As you said how do we know if we dont try? You should try it out. He might surprise you and absolutely love it. Try showing him some videos of ferries and see what he thinks?, Your husband's current approach will limit your son's life and capabilities. We never know what our children can do until we try, and experiencing personal discomfort or embarrassment is absolutely no excuse to limit them. Is he afraid of his own discomfort or his son's? An important question to ask himself.
We didn't know my son could do a 7 hour long flight until we did it and he loved it and now constantly asks for planes.
You are a GOOD mother for wanting to include him and broaden his horizons. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!, Does he have a comfort item? My sons is his blanket. He does go to daycare half days without it but when he gets home he is immediately searching for it. Find what comforts him and bring. He may surprise you., Agree. My son goes everywhere as well. He's just used to it. I believe it is good for his character, I think it's more his own than our son. When he has en episode we are able to calm him down quickly. But thank you for your comment., He doesn't have one thing per say. He goes through phases. This phase is lego. He has 10 blocks he takes everywhere. Thank you for the tip, My child has always travelled with me and been fine, beyond the usual very small baby car issues.
I personally subscribe to the try anything approach as I certainly don't wish to limit my child and their experiences.
It's different if something isn't a great experience!
Good luck., Our daughter goes everywhere we go. She gets exposed to everything. As you said how do we know if we dont try? You should try it out. He might surprise you and absolutely love it. Try showing him some videos of ferries and see what he thinks?, Your husband's current approach will limit your son's life and capabilities. We never know what our children can do until we try, and experiencing personal discomfort or embarrassment is absolutely no excuse to limit them. Is he afraid of his own discomfort or his son's? An important question to ask himself.
We didn't know my son could do a 7 hour long flight until we did it and he loved it and now constantly asks for planes.
You are a GOOD mother for wanting to include him and broaden his horizons. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!, Does he have a comfort item? My sons is his blanket. He does go to daycare half days without it but when he gets home he is immediately searching for it. Find what comforts him and bring. He may surprise you., Agree. My son goes everywhere as well. He's just used to it. I believe it is good for his character, I think it's more his own than our son. When he has en episode we are able to calm him down quickly. But thank you for your comment., He doesn't have one thing per say. He goes through phases. This phase is lego. He has 10 blocks he takes everywhere. Thank you for the tip, My child has always travelled with me and been fine, beyond the usual very small baby car issues.
I personally subscribe to the try anything approach as I certainly don't wish to limit my child and their experiences.
It's different if something isn't a great experience!
Good luck., Our daughter goes everywhere we go. She gets exposed to everything. As you said how do we know if we dont try? You should try it out. He might surprise you and absolutely love it. Try showing him some videos of ferries and see what he thinks?, Your husband's current approach will limit your son's life and capabilities. We never know what our children can do until we try, and experiencing personal discomfort or embarrassment is absolutely no excuse to limit them. Is he afraid of his own discomfort or his son's? An important question to ask himself.
We didn't know my son could do a 7 hour long flight until we did it and he loved it and now constantly asks for planes.
You are a GOOD mother for wanting to include him and broaden his horizons. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!, Does he have a comfort item? My sons is his blanket. He does go to daycare half days without it but when he gets home he is immediately searching for it. Find what comforts him and bring. He may surprise you., Agree. My son goes everywhere as well. He's just used to it. I believe it is good for his character, I think it's more his own than our son. When he has en episode we are able to calm him down quickly. But thank you for your comment., He doesn't have one thing per say. He goes through phases. This phase is lego. He has 10 blocks he takes everywhere. Thank you for the tip, My child has always travelled with me and been fine, beyond the usual very small baby car issues.
I personally subscribe to the try anything approach as I certainly don't wish to limit my child and their experiences.
It's different if something isn't a great experience!
Good luck., Our daughter goes everywhere we go. She gets exposed to everything. As you said how do we know if we dont try? You should try it out. He might surprise you and absolutely love it. Try showing him some videos of ferries and see what he thinks?, Your husband's current approach will limit your son's life and capabilities. We never know what our children can do until we try, and experiencing personal discomfort or embarrassment is absolutely no excuse to limit them. Is he afraid of his own discomfort or his son's? An important question to ask himself.
We didn't know my son could do a 7 hour long flight until we did it and he loved it and now constantly asks for planes.
You are a GOOD mother for wanting to include him and broaden his horizons. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!, Does he have a comfort item? My sons is his blanket. He does go to daycare half days without it but when he gets home he is immediately searching for it. Find what comforts him and bring. He may surprise you., Agree. My son goes everywhere as well. He's just used to it. I believe it is good for his character, I think it's more his own than our son. When he has en episode we are able to calm him down quickly. But thank you for your comment., He doesn't have one thing per say. He goes through phases. This phase is lego. He has 10 blocks he takes everywhere. Thank you for the tip
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Trying to advocate but feel like I’m getting nowhere. How long until you got a diagnosis?
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My son is almost 19 months and we have noticed various behaviors since he was very young that point towards autism. For example, he did not make eye contact as a baby for a long time and will some now but still does not prefer to (this is just one of many things). He has been behind gross motor wise since he was born practically, and because of this has been in EI since 10 months and gets PT and DT.
He did not start babbling until about 10 months and now has about 10-12 words that we have heard although does not use them consistently. To be honest, I’ve read (probably too much) that regressions tend to happen around this age and it saddens me to think the words he does have *could* go away.
His receptive language however is good and he understands if we ask where his socks are, where the cat is, show me how to wash your hands, etc. He has lots of gestures (bye bye, clapping, high 5, blow kisses, etc). He also responds to his name fairly well.
He points with his whole hand all the time, but not with one finger and never has to anything in a book or far away. He will look most of the time when we point to something. He flaps when he watches a video, throws a ball, rides in the stroller, or gets excited. He does not flap however when he’s mad, sad, etc usually only doing those certain things. He is also OBSESSED with opening and closing any kind of door, and loves to do this in the kitchen especially. Food wise he does well, he will eat mostly anything we put in front of him and (knock on wood) is a good sleeper, so no issues there.
Gross motor wise he is still behind but has come FAR with therapy. He walks very well with support and is just starting to walk some on his own. He started crawling at 14 months and now can crawl all over. He tried to climb some but not a whole lot, but has recently shown an interest in navigating stairs which is completely new for us.
We have brought up our concerns to our ped, and have been told that these behaviors can be “normal” for a child this age. We’ve also brought it up to our EI therapists, and they have essentially told us that it is up to our pediatrician regarding testing for autism. According to the MCHAT screening, he scores a 2 (because of the pointing) which alone does not qualify us for further testing.
As parents, we just want to do whatever we can to help him (and maybe already are), but has anyone else had this same experience? Did it take a long time to get an official diagnosis or at least to have a professional evaluate your child further? Regardless, we think he is the coolest little dude and is truly the light of our world. We just want to help him anyway we can.
Thanks!
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It depends who you want assessing and what state.
I don't know why so many recommend developmental pediatrician. You'll be waiting a loooooong time. It's a psychological disorder by definition. A psychologist can diagnose it.
Back in Minnesota waits were still 6 months or often much more. Here in Colorado I can get in within a couple weeks.
The thing I'd be worried about is some are stuck on old school stereotypical images of autism. Like our first assessment said no to our 11 year old because he can hold a conversation. Our 3 year olds first assessment by someone else said no because he brought her a ball. These are rediculous takes. They're absolutely autistic as hell. They both later got the diagnosis.
With how well he's doing for his age in both receptive and expressive language, you need to make sure you get a competent assessor who knows to look for other social deficits. By definition he needs both social deficits and rigid/repetitive behaviors., I can see why some of these things might be concerning but I also think you might have a bit of a stereotypical view of autism. I did. I thought my daughter was going to not make eye contact, flap her hands, hate being affectionate, not show emotion. She makes eye contact. Sometimes she makes extremely creepy, uninterrupted eye contact for minutes at a time, lol. She doesn't flap her hands. She is extremely affectionate with me. To the point that I jokingly refer to her as a stage 5 clinger.
At the age of your son, she didn't respond to her name, ever. She didn't really acknowledge people around her in terms of like..initiating engagement. She didn't point or follow me when Id try to show her something. She would learn words, use them constantly for a couple of weeks, then never use them again. She is considered non-verbal so I'm not sure how typical her experience is with language but I do remember when she was being evaluated the doctor pointed something out to me that even I hadn't ever noticed. Usually when a child at that age is doing something, they will periodically check in with their parent. Look mom! Look what I made/did/found/etc. They might need help with something or to share something or even just to get a reaction. She didn't do that. Ever. She would just..wander around doing her own thing. She would allow me to come play with her and include me to an extent..like you would an inanimate object. I was the playdoh roller or the block-hander or the marker taker when she was finished with a color.
Autism can look completely different in different children. I wouldn't get too stuck on that being the issue when it's possible there are just some things he needs a little help with without him necessarily having a disorder., The speech explosion normally happens by 24 months. Your sons speech sounds like he is doing great, especially as he has receptive language.
If you have not already get his eyes checked. (Just to be certain he can see the books. )
My oldest has global developmental delay, so she had physical delays and an articulation disorder but her receptive language was fine.
My youngest never really had receptive language then quit talking at about 18-20 months with the exception of three words. He also stopped babbling. He got diagnosed as ASD at about 24 months. At age 3.5 he is talking but still not always communicating. It took a ton of work to get him to communicate his needs. (Still not potty trained, as he won’t tell me.)
The long part was the wait to get evaluated. Some of these conditions overlap. Like both my children needing PT and having extra tantrums. My daughter however doesn’t completely loose her mind over something like a birthday party. She doesn’t stim.
Early intervention is great and you are doing just that! An incorrect diagnosis isn’t helpful as it won’t set your child on the right track for the best help. Developmentally they do like to wait until certain milestones to diagnosis.
If you can get on a waitlist for a developmental psychologist I think that would be great. Your child still absolutely should be seen. If it helps maybe ask for a referral to rule out global developmental delay and Autism. The waitlists I think have gotten better since covid but still can be long.
One more thing we did was genetic testing. It was helpful but may not always be conclusive. (Genetics are still very early in research data)., Hi.
We're on same boats bcs my toddler of 20 months share some similiarity with yours one, even though your little one have more positive things that usually aren't seen in autism (like a child looking to were you're pointing at, or having good receptive language or even having 12 words by 19 months is awesome) my little one also points with whole hand open (he started at 15 months) and just lately he is sometimes pointing using his index finger from a distance (he always pointed with index fingers to book images or things very close) my kiddo started babbling very young (like at 4 or 5 months) but he is speech delayed (he have 6 words with context and 1 without context *baby* that he repeats bcs he have listened to me calling him 'baby') my little one like yours is delayed in gross motor, just recently now at 20 months he started walking without assistance, he haven't got an ASD diagnosis yet, but he is GDD and in M-Chat test he score 5 (so médium risk). Since your kiddo score out of risk at M-Chat maybe is bcs he just have motor gross delay and not autism, I won't jump in that boat yet, you can try to test him with ADOS if concerned or maybe early intervention so they can clear more your worries.
Wish you look, I think things will be ok for you., I don’t understand why EI says it’s up to your ped about testing for autism. My pediatrician is like an 80s old school pediatrician lol and is allll about the wait and see. But I never needed a referral for a hearing test, for early intervention, or for to get her on a list with child psychiatrist to either diagnosis my daughter or put her on a list for for another autism evaluation. If you’re concerned, just call good children’s hospital. I did that and let them know that I was concerned about my daughter having autism and mentioned of her delays., The reason could be age. It's much harder to diagnosed ( not impossible) to get diagnosed
We personally from start to finish waited 2 months from referral to diagnosis and shes 3 ( referred after her 3 year appt)
But we went hough our insurance (Kaiser) and I took the first appt for everything and requested an outside vendor ( if thier ASD clinic would have done it it would of taken 8 months)
We also have regional centers here in California but those can take a long time
They said after 2.5-3 it is easier to diagnosed because of differentiating debelopmental milestones form being signs ( also she's been in daycare with kids her age since 11 months ), Thank you for this reply and all the info!, Thank you so much for a long response and sharing your own experience as a parent! I definitely do have a stereotypical view. To be completely honest, I do not have personal experience with autism much at all and neither does my husband. I have a friend whose child is non-verbal, but I see her *maybe* 1-2x a year if that. My husband had never met anyone (personally is what I mean) who wasn’t verbal until then. He wasn’t trying to be insensitive or rude at all, but it really opened his eyes. He actually had a friend growing up who was autistic, but did a lot of the “stereotypical” things (arm flapping, hated loud noises, fixated on certain object, etc) but could carry on the most fascinating conversations. That was his only personal experience up to that point.
I will also add, we are first time parents which always leaves us wondering more than I feel like if we had other children. To add, both of us do not have much of any experience with other children either. I will admit that we do get caught up in all the screenings, and is our child making progress according to the EI therapists, etc that sometimes we just need to slow down and enjoy every moment of his childhood the best we can regardless of a diagnosis.
I do believe our situation is different than what you’re describing. Our son definitely notices when we enter the room and wants our attention (or the cats attention lol) most of the time. For example, if I’m on my computer and near him he will typically crawl to me and point (whole hand) to something he wants or pull on my pant leg to get my attention/bring me a block or something. His favorite thing to play is our version of “tag” which is where he hold on to one of our hands since he’s unable to do it on his own yet, and runs towards the other trying to tap them.
I truly havent thought (although now I realize I should) about the way he plays and such and honestly have been looking at the “stereotypical” type of things. Thank you for sharing and helping me as a parent learn more as well!, Thank you for all the info! I think the most frustrating part on the parenting end is the “not knowing” as well as hearing so many others say he’s just shy, he’s doing so much better he’s just a late bloomer, etc. Granted a diagnosis of autism or not does not change how we view him, we just want to make sure he has all the support he needs., Thank you for the friend! I appreciate the reply, as it is nice to not feel alone as a parent in this. Will be thinking positive thoughts for your LO as well!, Thanks!, Good to know, thank you! Yes, a lot of it seems to be (on our ped end anyway) the “wait and see” approach as she seems to think his behaviors are NT and that he is just more on the “shy” side of things. Although as we all as parents know, we see so many things at home that others don’t., It depends who you want assessing and what state.
I don't know why so many recommend developmental pediatrician. You'll be waiting a loooooong time. It's a psychological disorder by definition. A psychologist can diagnose it.
Back in Minnesota waits were still 6 months or often much more. Here in Colorado I can get in within a couple weeks.
The thing I'd be worried about is some are stuck on old school stereotypical images of autism. Like our first assessment said no to our 11 year old because he can hold a conversation. Our 3 year olds first assessment by someone else said no because he brought her a ball. These are rediculous takes. They're absolutely autistic as hell. They both later got the diagnosis.
With how well he's doing for his age in both receptive and expressive language, you need to make sure you get a competent assessor who knows to look for other social deficits. By definition he needs both social deficits and rigid/repetitive behaviors., I can see why some of these things might be concerning but I also think you might have a bit of a stereotypical view of autism. I did. I thought my daughter was going to not make eye contact, flap her hands, hate being affectionate, not show emotion. She makes eye contact. Sometimes she makes extremely creepy, uninterrupted eye contact for minutes at a time, lol. She doesn't flap her hands. She is extremely affectionate with me. To the point that I jokingly refer to her as a stage 5 clinger.
At the age of your son, she didn't respond to her name, ever. She didn't really acknowledge people around her in terms of like..initiating engagement. She didn't point or follow me when Id try to show her something. She would learn words, use them constantly for a couple of weeks, then never use them again. She is considered non-verbal so I'm not sure how typical her experience is with language but I do remember when she was being evaluated the doctor pointed something out to me that even I hadn't ever noticed. Usually when a child at that age is doing something, they will periodically check in with their parent. Look mom! Look what I made/did/found/etc. They might need help with something or to share something or even just to get a reaction. She didn't do that. Ever. She would just..wander around doing her own thing. She would allow me to come play with her and include me to an extent..like you would an inanimate object. I was the playdoh roller or the block-hander or the marker taker when she was finished with a color.
Autism can look completely different in different children. I wouldn't get too stuck on that being the issue when it's possible there are just some things he needs a little help with without him necessarily having a disorder., The speech explosion normally happens by 24 months. Your sons speech sounds like he is doing great, especially as he has receptive language.
If you have not already get his eyes checked. (Just to be certain he can see the books. )
My oldest has global developmental delay, so she had physical delays and an articulation disorder but her receptive language was fine.
My youngest never really had receptive language then quit talking at about 18-20 months with the exception of three words. He also stopped babbling. He got diagnosed as ASD at about 24 months. At age 3.5 he is talking but still not always communicating. It took a ton of work to get him to communicate his needs. (Still not potty trained, as he won’t tell me.)
The long part was the wait to get evaluated. Some of these conditions overlap. Like both my children needing PT and having extra tantrums. My daughter however doesn’t completely loose her mind over something like a birthday party. She doesn’t stim.
Early intervention is great and you are doing just that! An incorrect diagnosis isn’t helpful as it won’t set your child on the right track for the best help. Developmentally they do like to wait until certain milestones to diagnosis.
If you can get on a waitlist for a developmental psychologist I think that would be great. Your child still absolutely should be seen. If it helps maybe ask for a referral to rule out global developmental delay and Autism. The waitlists I think have gotten better since covid but still can be long.
One more thing we did was genetic testing. It was helpful but may not always be conclusive. (Genetics are still very early in research data)., Hi.
We're on same boats bcs my toddler of 20 months share some similiarity with yours one, even though your little one have more positive things that usually aren't seen in autism (like a child looking to were you're pointing at, or having good receptive language or even having 12 words by 19 months is awesome) my little one also points with whole hand open (he started at 15 months) and just lately he is sometimes pointing using his index finger from a distance (he always pointed with index fingers to book images or things very close) my kiddo started babbling very young (like at 4 or 5 months) but he is speech delayed (he have 6 words with context and 1 without context *baby* that he repeats bcs he have listened to me calling him 'baby') my little one like yours is delayed in gross motor, just recently now at 20 months he started walking without assistance, he haven't got an ASD diagnosis yet, but he is GDD and in M-Chat test he score 5 (so médium risk). Since your kiddo score out of risk at M-Chat maybe is bcs he just have motor gross delay and not autism, I won't jump in that boat yet, you can try to test him with ADOS if concerned or maybe early intervention so they can clear more your worries.
Wish you look, I think things will be ok for you., I don’t understand why EI says it’s up to your ped about testing for autism. My pediatrician is like an 80s old school pediatrician lol and is allll about the wait and see. But I never needed a referral for a hearing test, for early intervention, or for to get her on a list with child psychiatrist to either diagnosis my daughter or put her on a list for for another autism evaluation. If you’re concerned, just call good children’s hospital. I did that and let them know that I was concerned about my daughter having autism and mentioned of her delays., The reason could be age. It's much harder to diagnosed ( not impossible) to get diagnosed
We personally from start to finish waited 2 months from referral to diagnosis and shes 3 ( referred after her 3 year appt)
But we went hough our insurance (Kaiser) and I took the first appt for everything and requested an outside vendor ( if thier ASD clinic would have done it it would of taken 8 months)
We also have regional centers here in California but those can take a long time
They said after 2.5-3 it is easier to diagnosed because of differentiating debelopmental milestones form being signs ( also she's been in daycare with kids her age since 11 months ), Thank you for this reply and all the info!, Thank you so much for a long response and sharing your own experience as a parent! I definitely do have a stereotypical view. To be completely honest, I do not have personal experience with autism much at all and neither does my husband. I have a friend whose child is non-verbal, but I see her *maybe* 1-2x a year if that. My husband had never met anyone (personally is what I mean) who wasn’t verbal until then. He wasn’t trying to be insensitive or rude at all, but it really opened his eyes. He actually had a friend growing up who was autistic, but did a lot of the “stereotypical” things (arm flapping, hated loud noises, fixated on certain object, etc) but could carry on the most fascinating conversations. That was his only personal experience up to that point.
I will also add, we are first time parents which always leaves us wondering more than I feel like if we had other children. To add, both of us do not have much of any experience with other children either. I will admit that we do get caught up in all the screenings, and is our child making progress according to the EI therapists, etc that sometimes we just need to slow down and enjoy every moment of his childhood the best we can regardless of a diagnosis.
I do believe our situation is different than what you’re describing. Our son definitely notices when we enter the room and wants our attention (or the cats attention lol) most of the time. For example, if I’m on my computer and near him he will typically crawl to me and point (whole hand) to something he wants or pull on my pant leg to get my attention/bring me a block or something. His favorite thing to play is our version of “tag” which is where he hold on to one of our hands since he’s unable to do it on his own yet, and runs towards the other trying to tap them.
I truly havent thought (although now I realize I should) about the way he plays and such and honestly have been looking at the “stereotypical” type of things. Thank you for sharing and helping me as a parent learn more as well!, Thank you for all the info! I think the most frustrating part on the parenting end is the “not knowing” as well as hearing so many others say he’s just shy, he’s doing so much better he’s just a late bloomer, etc. Granted a diagnosis of autism or not does not change how we view him, we just want to make sure he has all the support he needs., Thank you for the friend! I appreciate the reply, as it is nice to not feel alone as a parent in this. Will be thinking positive thoughts for your LO as well!, Thanks!, Good to know, thank you! Yes, a lot of it seems to be (on our ped end anyway) the “wait and see” approach as she seems to think his behaviors are NT and that he is just more on the “shy” side of things. Although as we all as parents know, we see so many things at home that others don’t., It depends who you want assessing and what state.
I don't know why so many recommend developmental pediatrician. You'll be waiting a loooooong time. It's a psychological disorder by definition. A psychologist can diagnose it.
Back in Minnesota waits were still 6 months or often much more. Here in Colorado I can get in within a couple weeks.
The thing I'd be worried about is some are stuck on old school stereotypical images of autism. Like our first assessment said no to our 11 year old because he can hold a conversation. Our 3 year olds first assessment by someone else said no because he brought her a ball. These are rediculous takes. They're absolutely autistic as hell. They both later got the diagnosis.
With how well he's doing for his age in both receptive and expressive language, you need to make sure you get a competent assessor who knows to look for other social deficits. By definition he needs both social deficits and rigid/repetitive behaviors., I can see why some of these things might be concerning but I also think you might have a bit of a stereotypical view of autism. I did. I thought my daughter was going to not make eye contact, flap her hands, hate being affectionate, not show emotion. She makes eye contact. Sometimes she makes extremely creepy, uninterrupted eye contact for minutes at a time, lol. She doesn't flap her hands. She is extremely affectionate with me. To the point that I jokingly refer to her as a stage 5 clinger.
At the age of your son, she didn't respond to her name, ever. She didn't really acknowledge people around her in terms of like..initiating engagement. She didn't point or follow me when Id try to show her something. She would learn words, use them constantly for a couple of weeks, then never use them again. She is considered non-verbal so I'm not sure how typical her experience is with language but I do remember when she was being evaluated the doctor pointed something out to me that even I hadn't ever noticed. Usually when a child at that age is doing something, they will periodically check in with their parent. Look mom! Look what I made/did/found/etc. They might need help with something or to share something or even just to get a reaction. She didn't do that. Ever. She would just..wander around doing her own thing. She would allow me to come play with her and include me to an extent..like you would an inanimate object. I was the playdoh roller or the block-hander or the marker taker when she was finished with a color.
Autism can look completely different in different children. I wouldn't get too stuck on that being the issue when it's possible there are just some things he needs a little help with without him necessarily having a disorder., The speech explosion normally happens by 24 months. Your sons speech sounds like he is doing great, especially as he has receptive language.
If you have not already get his eyes checked. (Just to be certain he can see the books. )
My oldest has global developmental delay, so she had physical delays and an articulation disorder but her receptive language was fine.
My youngest never really had receptive language then quit talking at about 18-20 months with the exception of three words. He also stopped babbling. He got diagnosed as ASD at about 24 months. At age 3.5 he is talking but still not always communicating. It took a ton of work to get him to communicate his needs. (Still not potty trained, as he won’t tell me.)
The long part was the wait to get evaluated. Some of these conditions overlap. Like both my children needing PT and having extra tantrums. My daughter however doesn’t completely loose her mind over something like a birthday party. She doesn’t stim.
Early intervention is great and you are doing just that! An incorrect diagnosis isn’t helpful as it won’t set your child on the right track for the best help. Developmentally they do like to wait until certain milestones to diagnosis.
If you can get on a waitlist for a developmental psychologist I think that would be great. Your child still absolutely should be seen. If it helps maybe ask for a referral to rule out global developmental delay and Autism. The waitlists I think have gotten better since covid but still can be long.
One more thing we did was genetic testing. It was helpful but may not always be conclusive. (Genetics are still very early in research data)., Hi.
We're on same boats bcs my toddler of 20 months share some similiarity with yours one, even though your little one have more positive things that usually aren't seen in autism (like a child looking to were you're pointing at, or having good receptive language or even having 12 words by 19 months is awesome) my little one also points with whole hand open (he started at 15 months) and just lately he is sometimes pointing using his index finger from a distance (he always pointed with index fingers to book images or things very close) my kiddo started babbling very young (like at 4 or 5 months) but he is speech delayed (he have 6 words with context and 1 without context *baby* that he repeats bcs he have listened to me calling him 'baby') my little one like yours is delayed in gross motor, just recently now at 20 months he started walking without assistance, he haven't got an ASD diagnosis yet, but he is GDD and in M-Chat test he score 5 (so médium risk). Since your kiddo score out of risk at M-Chat maybe is bcs he just have motor gross delay and not autism, I won't jump in that boat yet, you can try to test him with ADOS if concerned or maybe early intervention so they can clear more your worries.
Wish you look, I think things will be ok for you., I don’t understand why EI says it’s up to your ped about testing for autism. My pediatrician is like an 80s old school pediatrician lol and is allll about the wait and see. But I never needed a referral for a hearing test, for early intervention, or for to get her on a list with child psychiatrist to either diagnosis my daughter or put her on a list for for another autism evaluation. If you’re concerned, just call good children’s hospital. I did that and let them know that I was concerned about my daughter having autism and mentioned of her delays., The reason could be age. It's much harder to diagnosed ( not impossible) to get diagnosed
We personally from start to finish waited 2 months from referral to diagnosis and shes 3 ( referred after her 3 year appt)
But we went hough our insurance (Kaiser) and I took the first appt for everything and requested an outside vendor ( if thier ASD clinic would have done it it would of taken 8 months)
We also have regional centers here in California but those can take a long time
They said after 2.5-3 it is easier to diagnosed because of differentiating debelopmental milestones form being signs ( also she's been in daycare with kids her age since 11 months ), Thank you for this reply and all the info!, Thank you so much for a long response and sharing your own experience as a parent! I definitely do have a stereotypical view. To be completely honest, I do not have personal experience with autism much at all and neither does my husband. I have a friend whose child is non-verbal, but I see her *maybe* 1-2x a year if that. My husband had never met anyone (personally is what I mean) who wasn’t verbal until then. He wasn’t trying to be insensitive or rude at all, but it really opened his eyes. He actually had a friend growing up who was autistic, but did a lot of the “stereotypical” things (arm flapping, hated loud noises, fixated on certain object, etc) but could carry on the most fascinating conversations. That was his only personal experience up to that point.
I will also add, we are first time parents which always leaves us wondering more than I feel like if we had other children. To add, both of us do not have much of any experience with other children either. I will admit that we do get caught up in all the screenings, and is our child making progress according to the EI therapists, etc that sometimes we just need to slow down and enjoy every moment of his childhood the best we can regardless of a diagnosis.
I do believe our situation is different than what you’re describing. Our son definitely notices when we enter the room and wants our attention (or the cats attention lol) most of the time. For example, if I’m on my computer and near him he will typically crawl to me and point (whole hand) to something he wants or pull on my pant leg to get my attention/bring me a block or something. His favorite thing to play is our version of “tag” which is where he hold on to one of our hands since he’s unable to do it on his own yet, and runs towards the other trying to tap them.
I truly havent thought (although now I realize I should) about the way he plays and such and honestly have been looking at the “stereotypical” type of things. Thank you for sharing and helping me as a parent learn more as well!, Thank you for all the info! I think the most frustrating part on the parenting end is the “not knowing” as well as hearing so many others say he’s just shy, he’s doing so much better he’s just a late bloomer, etc. Granted a diagnosis of autism or not does not change how we view him, we just want to make sure he has all the support he needs., Thank you for the friend! I appreciate the reply, as it is nice to not feel alone as a parent in this. Will be thinking positive thoughts for your LO as well!, Thanks!, Good to know, thank you! Yes, a lot of it seems to be (on our ped end anyway) the “wait and see” approach as she seems to think his behaviors are NT and that he is just more on the “shy” side of things. Although as we all as parents know, we see so many things at home that others don’t., It depends who you want assessing and what state.
I don't know why so many recommend developmental pediatrician. You'll be waiting a loooooong time. It's a psychological disorder by definition. A psychologist can diagnose it.
Back in Minnesota waits were still 6 months or often much more. Here in Colorado I can get in within a couple weeks.
The thing I'd be worried about is some are stuck on old school stereotypical images of autism. Like our first assessment said no to our 11 year old because he can hold a conversation. Our 3 year olds first assessment by someone else said no because he brought her a ball. These are rediculous takes. They're absolutely autistic as hell. They both later got the diagnosis.
With how well he's doing for his age in both receptive and expressive language, you need to make sure you get a competent assessor who knows to look for other social deficits. By definition he needs both social deficits and rigid/repetitive behaviors., I can see why some of these things might be concerning but I also think you might have a bit of a stereotypical view of autism. I did. I thought my daughter was going to not make eye contact, flap her hands, hate being affectionate, not show emotion. She makes eye contact. Sometimes she makes extremely creepy, uninterrupted eye contact for minutes at a time, lol. She doesn't flap her hands. She is extremely affectionate with me. To the point that I jokingly refer to her as a stage 5 clinger.
At the age of your son, she didn't respond to her name, ever. She didn't really acknowledge people around her in terms of like..initiating engagement. She didn't point or follow me when Id try to show her something. She would learn words, use them constantly for a couple of weeks, then never use them again. She is considered non-verbal so I'm not sure how typical her experience is with language but I do remember when she was being evaluated the doctor pointed something out to me that even I hadn't ever noticed. Usually when a child at that age is doing something, they will periodically check in with their parent. Look mom! Look what I made/did/found/etc. They might need help with something or to share something or even just to get a reaction. She didn't do that. Ever. She would just..wander around doing her own thing. She would allow me to come play with her and include me to an extent..like you would an inanimate object. I was the playdoh roller or the block-hander or the marker taker when she was finished with a color.
Autism can look completely different in different children. I wouldn't get too stuck on that being the issue when it's possible there are just some things he needs a little help with without him necessarily having a disorder., The speech explosion normally happens by 24 months. Your sons speech sounds like he is doing great, especially as he has receptive language.
If you have not already get his eyes checked. (Just to be certain he can see the books. )
My oldest has global developmental delay, so she had physical delays and an articulation disorder but her receptive language was fine.
My youngest never really had receptive language then quit talking at about 18-20 months with the exception of three words. He also stopped babbling. He got diagnosed as ASD at about 24 months. At age 3.5 he is talking but still not always communicating. It took a ton of work to get him to communicate his needs. (Still not potty trained, as he won’t tell me.)
The long part was the wait to get evaluated. Some of these conditions overlap. Like both my children needing PT and having extra tantrums. My daughter however doesn’t completely loose her mind over something like a birthday party. She doesn’t stim.
Early intervention is great and you are doing just that! An incorrect diagnosis isn’t helpful as it won’t set your child on the right track for the best help. Developmentally they do like to wait until certain milestones to diagnosis.
If you can get on a waitlist for a developmental psychologist I think that would be great. Your child still absolutely should be seen. If it helps maybe ask for a referral to rule out global developmental delay and Autism. The waitlists I think have gotten better since covid but still can be long.
One more thing we did was genetic testing. It was helpful but may not always be conclusive. (Genetics are still very early in research data)., Hi.
We're on same boats bcs my toddler of 20 months share some similiarity with yours one, even though your little one have more positive things that usually aren't seen in autism (like a child looking to were you're pointing at, or having good receptive language or even having 12 words by 19 months is awesome) my little one also points with whole hand open (he started at 15 months) and just lately he is sometimes pointing using his index finger from a distance (he always pointed with index fingers to book images or things very close) my kiddo started babbling very young (like at 4 or 5 months) but he is speech delayed (he have 6 words with context and 1 without context *baby* that he repeats bcs he have listened to me calling him 'baby') my little one like yours is delayed in gross motor, just recently now at 20 months he started walking without assistance, he haven't got an ASD diagnosis yet, but he is GDD and in M-Chat test he score 5 (so médium risk). Since your kiddo score out of risk at M-Chat maybe is bcs he just have motor gross delay and not autism, I won't jump in that boat yet, you can try to test him with ADOS if concerned or maybe early intervention so they can clear more your worries.
Wish you look, I think things will be ok for you., I don’t understand why EI says it’s up to your ped about testing for autism. My pediatrician is like an 80s old school pediatrician lol and is allll about the wait and see. But I never needed a referral for a hearing test, for early intervention, or for to get her on a list with child psychiatrist to either diagnosis my daughter or put her on a list for for another autism evaluation. If you’re concerned, just call good children’s hospital. I did that and let them know that I was concerned about my daughter having autism and mentioned of her delays., The reason could be age. It's much harder to diagnosed ( not impossible) to get diagnosed
We personally from start to finish waited 2 months from referral to diagnosis and shes 3 ( referred after her 3 year appt)
But we went hough our insurance (Kaiser) and I took the first appt for everything and requested an outside vendor ( if thier ASD clinic would have done it it would of taken 8 months)
We also have regional centers here in California but those can take a long time
They said after 2.5-3 it is easier to diagnosed because of differentiating debelopmental milestones form being signs ( also she's been in daycare with kids her age since 11 months ), Thank you for this reply and all the info!, Thank you so much for a long response and sharing your own experience as a parent! I definitely do have a stereotypical view. To be completely honest, I do not have personal experience with autism much at all and neither does my husband. I have a friend whose child is non-verbal, but I see her *maybe* 1-2x a year if that. My husband had never met anyone (personally is what I mean) who wasn’t verbal until then. He wasn’t trying to be insensitive or rude at all, but it really opened his eyes. He actually had a friend growing up who was autistic, but did a lot of the “stereotypical” things (arm flapping, hated loud noises, fixated on certain object, etc) but could carry on the most fascinating conversations. That was his only personal experience up to that point.
I will also add, we are first time parents which always leaves us wondering more than I feel like if we had other children. To add, both of us do not have much of any experience with other children either. I will admit that we do get caught up in all the screenings, and is our child making progress according to the EI therapists, etc that sometimes we just need to slow down and enjoy every moment of his childhood the best we can regardless of a diagnosis.
I do believe our situation is different than what you’re describing. Our son definitely notices when we enter the room and wants our attention (or the cats attention lol) most of the time. For example, if I’m on my computer and near him he will typically crawl to me and point (whole hand) to something he wants or pull on my pant leg to get my attention/bring me a block or something. His favorite thing to play is our version of “tag” which is where he hold on to one of our hands since he’s unable to do it on his own yet, and runs towards the other trying to tap them.
I truly havent thought (although now I realize I should) about the way he plays and such and honestly have been looking at the “stereotypical” type of things. Thank you for sharing and helping me as a parent learn more as well!, Thank you for all the info! I think the most frustrating part on the parenting end is the “not knowing” as well as hearing so many others say he’s just shy, he’s doing so much better he’s just a late bloomer, etc. Granted a diagnosis of autism or not does not change how we view him, we just want to make sure he has all the support he needs., Thank you for the friend! I appreciate the reply, as it is nice to not feel alone as a parent in this. Will be thinking positive thoughts for your LO as well!, Thanks!, Good to know, thank you! Yes, a lot of it seems to be (on our ped end anyway) the “wait and see” approach as she seems to think his behaviors are NT and that he is just more on the “shy” side of things. Although as we all as parents know, we see so many things at home that others don’t.
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Trying to explain to my 6 yr old with Autism that his Mimi is gone.
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My mom passed away in December and the first while my son would ask for Mimi and I would try to tell him that his Mimi is in heaven now. He of course does not understand. He would cry for a few and I would distract him with a toy a lollipop ect. But last few weeks he has been having huge outbursts screaming for his Mimi. My heart is broken for silently I scream for her also. We do not have much family she was his biggest supporter beside myself and his brother and sister. I wish he could understand where she is. So that he could know that she just did not up and leave him by choice. Out of all the struggles we have faced this is by far the hardest. She was always a bright light in sometimes a dark world and I understand his pain missing and wanting his Mimi. Any suggestions helping my son through this awful time is appreciated.
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I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve had to explain the loss of both of my parents to my kids, and it’s so incredibly hard to grieve and parent at the same time. The thing that helped the most was being very concrete. Make sure to use the words dead/died, and try to avoid phrases like “passed away.” For us, we had to repeat what happened over and over before my son finally stopped asking. It’s ok to let him see you cry. Hang in there., Yes, we're not good as "reading between the lines" even NT children are very literal. There are childrens books about death, I'm sure YouTube videos too. I agree explain age appropriately but using real concrete words. Good luck, I don’t have any advice but this did make me tear up a little…. Sending hugs, I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you are going through. Unfortunately, I think this is going to be one of those time things. He may understand when he gets older. My son is the same age and would be totally lost without his grandparents., I think it’s perfectly reasonable for your child to grieve in their own way—and it sounds like they are doing just that. And it’s heartbreaking to watch, but it’s also a part of the human experience., No advice, just some words of affirmation - You are doing a great job. She will never be forgotten, but you both will learn a new normal without her. This too shall pass., I’m so sorry. I lost my mom last year also, my kids lost their Mimi, too. My son asks for her all the time. He knows she’s gone but he says he wishes she was here., I don’t have any great advice on this, unfortunately. When my daughter’s Nanny passed, we sat her down and explained that she was gone (she died). It kind of opened up a whole new can of worms for us. Our daughter became a little bit obsessed about death and would say things like, “I’m dying!” Or, “I am dead.” She doesn’t speak often, so this was obviously a topic that weighed on her.
We looked into books that could help deliver the subject in a kinder way. Perhaps a way to give comfort and prove the natural part death plays in life.
Then we did something different when her Granddad followed the next year. After her Nanny had passed on, Granddad visited and communicated with her more. Well… Covid took him, and it was beyond horrible and fast. She saw him one day and then, he was gone even though he’d promised to visit her soon.
So, we tried the talk again. It seemed to upset her more.
Then, I read about a memory garden. We made a small corner of our house into a space where we could go and plant a flower or do something, like talk or water the plants, or draw on the stones with chalk. We explained that, even though Nanny and Granddad aren’t here in-person, they are here in the garden the same way that the wind is. We can’t see them. We can’t hear them. But they are there.
That seemed to help. We stopped hearing about her dying and being afraid, and she enjoyed doing things that felt special. On her Nanny’s birthday, we painted stones and put them out in the garden as gifts. At Christmas, we hung ornaments and put in some lights. In the summer, we planted flowers she picked out for her grandparents.
Sadly, we moved from the house a year ago, and we’ll have to rebuild a memorial garden in our new place. Still, it helped her, I think. I don’t know if it can help you, or not? Maybe even the idea can help. Like, maybe you could find a way to build a space for Mimi? A memorial or shrine with her photo, or some nice things that remind him of her? If you’ve any old clothes, maybe a teddy or a quilt made from them could help, too?
I’m sorry I can’t give you any more ideas, but I do hope that this can somehow help. Sending hugs to you and yours, OP., I'm not a parent myself so obviously I could be wrong, but I think you should properly explain to him what death is, what it means, etc. Best of luck, this must be very hard for you and your family </3, My son was a only a little older than yours when my mom passed. I was recommended this [https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1785927507/ref=ppx\_yo\_dt\_b\_asin\_title\_o09\_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1785927507/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o09_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1) book and I found it helpful with his matter-of-fact way of thinking., I think op is saying her son doesn’t understand that concept at all right now, I would not no where to begin with my 5 year old, there is no way he would understand something like that. He has a very limited understanding of language, Have did you tried explain that heaven is dead? When im was a kid its I didnt no I thought its heaven is a different place and grammy is there and I ask when will she comeback but I didnt no that heaven is another word for dead and thats dead is sad but its now I no that grammy wont come back so maybe make sure your son nos that heaven is dead, He is aware and perhaps try to give him more credit. Sensory perception includes you reaction when speaking about his grandmother and he can sense that she is gone in my opinion. Also there’s a certain level of spirituality that allows children to understand these types of things. This is my two cents and please try not label my comment as snarky. I’m just trying to describe my thoughts from a different angle. God bless you and your family!, be simon cowell honest with him. tell him how it is. these kids are smarter than you realise, I don't have any advice other than to say I am so sorry for you loss. Losing my mom, and my boy losing his Yaya is one of my biggest fears., Echoing that being literal is the key. Some books may help with the pain. The Memory Tree, The Tiny Seed, and The Invisible String come to mind., A few others have mentioned this but I wanted to reiterate, when he's crying do mimi, and you want to cry for her too, go ahead. It'll be good for you and him. It will help you grieve if you grieve with someone who's also grieving. And it will help him understand the significance of the event and that it's OK to be upset about it. Beyond that, it's just time., I was going to say this, we need to be very concrete with kids. Also, be careful of saying things like she died because she got “sick” or was “old.” Kids can take that and run with it and it can cause fears around being sick or getting older., Definitely agree with this. It may feel strange as culturally we’re not conditioned to speak so directly about death but I think it’s best to clearly tell him that she died- her body stopped working, she is no longer breathing and can’t feel anything. Use ‘died’ rather than passed away (not clear enough) or ‘gone to sleep forever’ (inaccurate and may cause fear around sleep).
If you do believe in heaven, you can talk to him about her spirit going their AFTER she died. Often if you just say someone went to heaven they think they physically chose to go to this place.
If he starts asking questions, give clear, direct information that is age appropriate. Eg if he asks if you will die, something like, “Yes, everybody will die eventually but USUALLY people don’t die until they are very old. I’m healthy right now.”
All of this applies to all kids but especially Autistic kids who really need clear and direct information. Allow him to feel whatever emotion he does. He’ll likely keep asking if he’s still processing the information so you might feel like you’re repeating yourself but that is ok., Thank you!, Made me tear up too. What a wonderful grandmother., Thank you for sending that I needed to read that., Is it okay to say he passed away because he was sick? My boys grandfather passed away very young he was only 48 and he had cancer and my son always ask what happened to him and I did tell him he was sick because of his cancer is that bad?, If your kiddo was okay with it, that’s fine. Some kids will associate sick with dying and it can cause fears that anytime someone is sick that it means that person is dying.
When my aunt died of cancer, I told my 6yo that she had cancer in her lungs that spread to her brain. Simple and factual terms are best to avoid confusion.
Here’s a good resource for how to talk to kids about cancer, https://www.mdanderson.org/cancerwise/how-do-you-talk-to-your-kids-about-cancer-diagnosis-and-treatment.h00-159307779.html
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Trying to work
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I am at a loss. I need to work. I have no support, and have no been able to work due to not being able to find suitable care for my autistic 4 year old. He does start kindergarten in August, but I need to find work now, as I found out I’m having a another baby (4th). My mom was going to be my help and support but she passed when my son was just 1 years old. I’m not close to or near any other family for help. My son will not do good in daycare because we are still searching for ABA therapy for his aggression, screaming tantrums and his unsafe actions for other children near. He is in preschool but he is only there for 2 hours a day. He is required to have an aid in preschool so regular daycare is out of the question.. what can I do? At home jobs are iffy and sparse. I need help and have no clue where to even start or who to ask.
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Is there a Medicaid waiver program in your state? In our state, kids that qualify for disability also qualify for Medicaid, respite hours, and self-directed funding. The respite hours would cover paying for a qualified caregiver to watch him., Is there a Medicaid waiver program in your state? In our state, kids that qualify for disability also qualify for Medicaid, respite hours, and self-directed funding. The respite hours would cover paying for a qualified caregiver to watch him., Is there a Medicaid waiver program in your state? In our state, kids that qualify for disability also qualify for Medicaid, respite hours, and self-directed funding. The respite hours would cover paying for a qualified caregiver to watch him., Is there a Medicaid waiver program in your state? In our state, kids that qualify for disability also qualify for Medicaid, respite hours, and self-directed funding. The respite hours would cover paying for a qualified caregiver to watch him.
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Tweens and gender identity
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This is a sensitive topic in our country right now and I want to start by stating that I love my kid and will always be here for her.
My daughter (12f) and her 2 best friends (12f,13f) are in Middle School. One of them is also autistic. All three girls have been very feminine in both mannerism and preferences their whole lives. About 8 months ago they all decided they identify as male, cut their hair short and call each other by male names when they are together. They want binders and masculine clothing.
We and the other girls parents are confused and unsure how to handle this.The girls have always struggled socially and have always been bullied. We live in a very conservative and religious community and since this change the bullying has gotten even worse. My daughter gets the brunt of it. She is tall and has a lower pitched voice. Despite her feminine features (she’s beautiful) she is still constantly being misgendered and harassed, especially in the girls bathroom at school.
So parents, are any of your neurodivergent kids experiencing sudden interest or change in gender identity? Are your kids being bullied? How are you handing this? Do you have any advice for us?
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My daughter and her circle of friends all did this too all through 6-8 grade. Now they all pretend it never happened, I think this is fairly common, for a lot of reasons already mentioned here. I would just be supportive of your child, and work with the school to stop the bullying.
My son’s therapist (who is a lesbian herself) said many of the preteen/teen girls she sees go through a stage where they think they may be trans or non binary or gay, but decide later on that they are not. It’s a time of discovery and kids are able to explore and try on more options than before., My autistic stepdaughter (now 12) decided at 11 she was bisexual. Then lesbian. Then pansexual. Now isn't sure.
At the start of this journey she persuaded her mum & dad to let her cut off her hair, but not shaved at the back like she wanted. She's now desperately trying to grow it back.
She went from girly pink, unicorns and flouncy dresses to boyish, oversized, grungy comfy clothes. Now she's in a combo of sweats and crop tops /mini skirts.
Just kids. Susceptible, easily influenced, changeable. Freaked out by how their body is changing and trying to take control. As long as nothing 'permanent' is being requested, she can continue to find her way through the maze at her own pace. No issues, no drama., Is there a gender neutral bathroom your child can use? Maybe in the nurse's office? That's where my trans son goes. I'm confused when you say they are being misgendered. Do they identify as male and are being misgendered as female?, I think in some ways you cannot stop the bullying, but you can be supportive and a safe space. I’m hesitant to mention that there’s overlap between autistic and trans people, because many people I love are in either or both category, and conservatives seem to hate both.
I think finding media that shows not only trans representation but a variety of nonbinary representation would be great. And also showing gender-non conforming women and men.
Tbh 12 and 13 is a super uncomfortable age for young women. I remember that’s when grown men started leering at my friends and teachers openly speculated what they would look like. Parents gossiped about periods. It is way too much., I am not sure why so many autistic individuals have been identifying as transgender these last few years. Perhaps it’s due to years of not fitting in or finding a strong friend group, that these individuals are drawn to a perceived open and accepting crowd. Transgender is one of the heavier politicized topics and when growing up in a conservative area, might be a way to rebel.
Not denying that there are people out there with true gender dysphoria. But there certainly are people drawn to identify with trans crowd, because it is a trendy thing to do.
Head over to r/detrans for insight into people who realized they were not transgender (in some cases too late), My child started expressing wanting to be a man around puberty. Turns out they're non-binary. There's a huge overlap between autism and being trans and that crowd often finds itself without knowing it., Look into 'autigender' and have a chat with your kid about it, and their identity in general. Autism makes it hard to understand and navigate gender roles, largely because they're a social construct with loads of implied rules, which is likely why so many young autistic people find themselves questioning their gender. I struggled A LOT with this growing up, especially teen years when gender roles are so entrenched and identity is a massive deal. Even now I still have questions for myself at times. Be ridiculously open-minded too - your kid very well might be trans, or non-binary, or they might just be struggling to find their place and fit with their own gender. Or it might be a response to bullying. But open lines of communication and lots of research will be your main tools here., when i was around 13 i thought i might be FtM and when my stepdad had been kicked out of my life at 14 i came out as trans. i was happy like that until i was around 16 and started questioning my identity again. i realized i don't feel happy being really masculine and although i prefer he/him over any other pronouns and don't mind being called feminine or masculine terms. i currently identify as nonbinary/genderfluid
definitely get your child a trans/lgbt friendly therapist. but i'd also sit down and talk to your child about how they identify (ONLY do this if your child is already out to you. sometimes children aren't ready to talk to you about this kind of stuff and you just have to wait). ask if there are specific terms or pronouns or a particular name that your child wants you to call them. it's really important as a parent to show that you are willing to try to understand this and just want to be a supportive space for your child to figure themselves out. puberty is a confusing time, and it gets more confusing when you realize you may not fall in line with what is expected of people who are of the same biological sex as you.
at this time i'd advise against anything that is permanent (hormone blockers, HRT even though the standard is to not prescribe it before 16, or full legal name changes) until your child has figured themselves out within this department.
and also, about the bullying, unfortunately it's likely to get worse from here. i highly suggest getting your child in some type of self defense classes as trans people (particularly those who do not easily pass as either male or female) are very likely to be victims of violent politically-motivated crimes., It does not surprise me the teen girls explore other possible identities, as a temp or permanent expression of true self.
Have you all paid attention ar how painful being a woman in a misogynistic society is?
The exploration may even be about NOT being trapped in the obligations of the female image.
Gender identity is all encompassing; the kids who wish to transition will go through with it, while the kids exploring the ways they are happiest externally expressing gender identity will find that balance too.
( I see trans identity as not about externally expressing a different gender identity— but as congruently expressing their actual gender identity), My daughter is 12 (13 in less than a month). She hasn’t been very vocal about it, but she has been identifying as male for the past year. She has two friends who identify as male (both are neurodivergent, but not on the spectrum). I’m not sure what to think. She just says that she thinks she is male because she likes masculine things. She still has her (very) long hair and mostly dresses in gender neutral clothing. She doesn’t care about pronouns as hasn’t changed her name. I think that she’s still figuring out. She hasn’t experienced any bullying about it and the other kids at school are very supportive. I had to ask her about it when I went through her phone and found some conversations with another friend. We talked about it and I told her that she is my child and that I love her no matter who she is, and that who she is today may not be who she is tomorrow, and that’s ok. I asked her if she cared which pronouns I used, and she said that she didn’t care. Things are pretty chill and we just go on as we always do, except that I try to use gender-neutral terms when I address her (like kiddo instead of baby girl, which I’ve always called her)., I don't really have any advice but would look for a counselor that specializes in LGBTQ youth, she could use some counseling for bullying at the very least whether or not s/he is trans or just exploring the non binary for now., Autistic people have a higher chance of being queer. And it might not be a sudden change, they might have been discussing it for ages.
Let them be who they want to be. Give them support, protect them as much as you can.
I have a kid who identifies as masculine, but still likes feminine things. Gender is not clear cut., It sounds like you're the one misgendering your child who currently wishes to identify as male. Let them experiment. Be open and willing to let them change their mind. They're learning., [This](https://www.amazon.com/Trans-Bodies-Selves-Transgender-Communities/dp/0190092726) is very comprehensive. There is a whole chapter on mental health and another on how to help transgender youth.
[This](https://www.google.com/amp/s/neurodivergentinsights.com/autism-infographics/trans-autism%3fformat=amp) goes into some statistics about autism and being trans with the research cited.
You have nothing to lose by letting your child explore. Surgery is *NOT AVAILABLE* to children - you must be at least 15 to get any kind of gender affirming surgery, and only in specific situations. *
[Puberty blockers](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/what-are-puberty-blockers-and-how-do-they-work/) have incredibly minimal long-term side effects, with bone health density being the main one identified.
* In the United States - I don't know about other countries, My asd 12 year old is non binary. They attend specialist school and it's not an issue., I should have included this in my initial post. She initially told us she wants to be male but sometimes gets upset when she is not referred to as female. Especially in the school bathrooms. Occasionally she is addressed by a stranger as male and she smirks. It’s confusing…
I will ask the school about the neutral bathroom, thank you for your suggestion., I always thought the same. Such a huge change at such a vulnerable time. Going from a little child’s body and suddenly there is hair sprouting, breasts growing and periods… I can understand why so many tweens/teens struggle., detrans subreddit is filled with fake stories about detransitioning that logistically are not possible, and a majority of those people are majorly transphobic. r/actual_detrans is a better subreddit for detrans people
and addressing your other point about autistic people being more likely to be trans, the dsm 5 TR (2022, most recent edition) has noted that amongst those diagnosed with gender dysphoria, that there is a high number of autistic people within that group., Yeah I just glanced in that sub. It's fking disgusting and filled with transphobia, not de-transitioning., That would make sense, thank you. I would like to learn more about autism and trans. Do you have suggestions on where to get that information, a book, study or website?, Thank you for sharing your experience and advice, this is very helpful!, Just a quick asterisk -- afaik, hormone blockers aren't permanent and are a safe and common solution for both children undergoing precocious puberty and preteens/teens who are trans/gender non-conforming. When they are stopped, puberty resumes as normal., I would be weary some of these counselors specializing in LGBTQ youth don’t actually have children’s best interests in mind., It looks like you shared an AMP link. These should load faster, but AMP is controversial because of [concerns over privacy and the Open Web](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmputatorBot/comments/ehrq3z/why_did_i_build_amputatorbot). Fully cached AMP pages (like the one you shared), are [especially problematic](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmputatorBot/comments/ehrq3z/why_did_i_build_amputatorbot).
Maybe check out **the canonical page** instead: **[https://neurodivergentinsights.com/autism-infographics/trans-autism](https://neurodivergentinsights.com/autism-infographics/trans-autism)**
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^(I'm a bot | )[^(Why & About)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmputatorBot/comments/ehrq3z/why_did_i_build_amputatorbot)^( | )[^(Summon: u/AmputatorBot)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmputatorBot/comments/cchly3/you_can_now_summon_amputatorbot/), My trans son identifies as lesbian. It is confusing. We have found a therapist that is trans-friendly, we follow his lead with preferred pronouns and name, we buy the clothes and binders he asks for, we report harassment. It's difficult. We live in Florida so his teachers have been told by administration to not use pronouns at all and refer to him by name only. We just try to love him and understand as much as possible., Questioning if one made the right choice in transitioning or discussing regret is transphobic now? Not sure which posts you “glanced,” but there are many people discussing their detransition journey, Here's a [link](https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/gender-and-sexuality-in-autism-explained/) to a Spectrum article that serves as a good primer!, This article has a bunch of references at the bottom:
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https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/largest-study-to-date-confirms-overlap-between-autism-and-gender-diversity/, Why? What are you implying about counselors who specialize in LGBTQ youth?, I’m sorry - your trans son identifies as a lesbian? What does that mean?, one of the first posts i come across is someone claiming being trans is a denial of reality. no explanation or any further context on how it is anything more than a political belief. just that.
i fail to see how that more than loosely related to detransitioning, it comes across more as pushing a political agenda and using detrans as a cover than actually discussing detransition. that specific subreddit tends to get a lot of posts like that, The posts I saw were NOT about questioning if they made the right choice or not. They were straight up hating on transgenders. One was even justifying associating transgender with porn. Dude, I'm sorry but that sub is filled not with people who have de-transitioned but people who are transphobic and trying to justify their transphobia. Do some people regret transitioning, yes some do. Are their feelings valid, yes they are. But that sub was NOT that., This is helpful, a good article. Thank you!, I do not blindly trust them. I feel that some may not be objective and in some cases might enable the children to transition, when the child is just confused. It seems pushing back on whether whether a child has gender dysphoria or if they are confused, might constitute transphobia., I assumed when she said trans son she meant her son was male at birth but is now trans so now identifies as a female. And if you identify as female and are also attracted to females you’re a lesbian., It means he identifies as a lesbian., Got it. I am not an active user and was unaware of another sub. I have seen posts there of people describing their detransition process, so figured it would give insight into people who thought they were transgender, but were not., Um yeah this is a transphobic bias. Yes kids could be confused but a counselor is there to help them sort through their feelings. An LGBTQ specialized counselor can help them better deal with their feelings on being bullied due to LGBTQ issues wether they are exploring, have gender dysphoria or anything else. The WORST thing you can do to any kid, confused about their sexuality or sure about it, is to down play their feelings, and not support them. The lack of acceptance is why the suicide rate in LGBTQ youth is so high., She clarified - her child identifies as a male but identifies as a lesbian., But that’s not possible. By definition, a lesbian is someone who identifies as a woman being attracted to other women. He can’t identify as male and be a lesbian., yeah, unfortunately many people who's political beliefs are more of what could definitely be considered anti-trans will use detrans people as what i could call 'political chess pieces' (tbh this happens to every minority of people), or people using their existence solely to benefit their political agenda without actually caring about the people they are talking about. support groups for detransitioners that are filled with people talking about their own personal political agenda that has little to no relation to actual detransition process, but only related to anti-trans political beliefs, are not good support groups to go through for advice about stuff like this., Questioning children who identify as transgender is not inherently transphobic., Things change., I did not say it is. But telling a child that they aren't trans and are just confused is NOT ok. Great way to dismiss your child and make them feel unheard and depressed. I prefer a trans child any day over a dead one. Error on the side of caution., The definition of a lesbian hasn’t. Words matter.
We’re getting close to a conservatives wet dream of kids identifying as a cat and adults going along with it., The "suicide or trans" idea is the worst possible one to tell to teen who's trying to justify their newly found identity/suffering. It also isn't true that those are the two options, but you shouldn't challenge a child or teen with the idea., Actually the definition of lesbian has changed...woman who is emotionally, romantically, sexually, affectionately, or relationally attracted to other women, or someone who identifies as part of the lesbian community, My male partner identifies as a lesbian.
He likes women, and dislikes how most males vibe., What? Who said anything about telling a kid that there are 2 outcomes? I was telling the previous commentor this, As a parent, I prefer my kid alive and loved for who they are rather than denying their feelings and harming them., I think what the other poster is confused about/or means to say is that - your son is not a woman in love with or attracted to another woman. Your Son identifies as a man, who’s attracted to (physically and emotionally) women. So the other poster is confused about how a person who identifies as a male, is being “categorized” as a woman attracted to other women. Can you help them understand?, What if the lesbian community doesn't identify with that definition? Is this like when fully socially functional adults "identify" with ASD?, But that’s my point. We’re going down the road of “identifying as being part of X group” is accepted when X group can be anything. That’s basically what the conservative fear mongering over the last decade has been about. If I identify as being part of the African American community, should I start calling myself one?
Not everyone can be a part of any community they choose., So you're saying my wife is a lesbian, but only prefers penis?, ….so your male partner is not a lesbian, is what you’re saying., I can provide the definition of lesbian. Woman who is emotionally, romantically, sexually, affectionately, or relationally attracted to other women, or SOMEONE who identifies as part of the lesbian community., My child isn't the only person that identifies that way. Maybe they can find one to explain it. I'm cisgender and straight and not comfortable explaining how they feel., No worries, I think I understand what you’re saying/explaining. Thank you for clarifying (or trying to). It makes sense that the old definitions wouldn’t still apply, because things and people are different now. For example, the inclusion of non-gendered or nonbinary people in these situations, allows them to be able to identify with what they feel authentically, without having to identify as a male or female to “qualify” in the old definitions., I need to clarify. He is trans. We use he/him/son. That doesn't mean he identifies as a trans man., Also, breathingisstillhard, thank you for being kind to me. This is all very difficult., I understand. The world really needs more kindness and understanding in it. I’m glad I can put a little bit out there when I can. I hope it gets easier for you too. For what it’s worth, it seems like you accept and love your child- unconditionally. And that’s a really awesome and powerful thing for you give to your child.
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Two working parents with an ASD child. Does it work?
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My son (11 yrs) was just diagnosed with Level 1 ASD and I'm looking into all the different therapies and probably new private school that he will need to attend to really help him thrive. I'm so excited for him to finally have what he needs, but also worried about how to handle the time commitments. My husband and I both work full time, and would like to continue doing so, and we have 3 other kids. Every family I've known with an ASD or special needs child has one stay at home parent.
SO... I would love to hear about other ASD parents that have managed to successfully juggle both full time jobs plus school and therapy drop offs, etc. for their ASD child while also not neglecting the needs and activities of their nuerotypical children 🙂
BUT... if that is completely delusional and not going to happen then tell me that too. Lay it on me!
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We both work full time in the US. I've applied for FMLA to take my son to his therapy appointments and handle any periods of incapacity. So I've been approved to take off up to 8hr a week (unpaid) for this purpose (but only 480 hr total per year). I've been at my job a long time and have a great relationship with my boss, so hopefully, this works out. We're still in early days trying to figure things out., I'm a lone parent and work a compressed week and from home (with external appointments roughly every 3 weeks).
The other day working day is used for my child's appointments.
It does mean that on some appointments days I need to rely on family, but most of the time, I make it work without.
Wfh is key!, We make it work. I’m very fortunate to work remotely and can just take them to where we need to go. Is the tv on? Yes. But she loves to type on Word while I’m working. I’ll let her write small emails for me or even settle some shipments (I’m an accountant in the grain industry)., We both work full time. However, I work remotely and my jobs is as flexible as they come. So, I am able to take my daughter to preschool, pick her up, take her to speech, and be around all afternoon so we can have in home ABA services. My partner is able to work remotely if I have to be on a call. If I didn’t have a job as flexible as this, our arrangement would not work as I don’t think my daughter would thrive in a daycare setting., We both work full time but my husband is fully remote and, while my job is technically hybrid, I’m given all the flexibility I need. I’ve actually passed a couple of opportunities for better jobs because they would severely limit my flexibility.
We live abroad and away from all family so we are also very privileged to be able to have an au pair living with us and she supports us mainly in the afternoons while we wrap up work. Without her help one of us would probably have to go part time or become a stay at home parent., We are able to handle a school age child between ourselves. We have a nanny for the 2-year-old who needs to be driven to therapy clinics in the morning and can’t go to daycare. I am a hybrid worker and got a reasonable accommodation from my workplace to have more WFH days. Spouse is a nurse working 12’s, and we try to plan his schedule to best support the needs., Both parents work full time here, and we have a level 2 ASD kiddo, and a borderline level 1 kiddo. My husband has a super flexible job which allows the level 2 kiddo to attend various therapies. FWIW, our level 1 kiddo is at a private school, and it’s worked out perfect for him - he gets personalized attention etc.
I remember having the same train of thought as you after my youngest was diagnosed. Hang in there!, We work full time. He takes the bus to school and then goes to a nice, chill afterschool program by school bus and does his homework there. Most of his therapy happens at school or, rarely, on the weekend, so we really only need to take time off for normal parent things (dentist, occasional sick days), We make it work, but it is difficult. We both work in flexible jobs with understanding bosses. We also only have one child and pay a family member to provide transportation to appointments during the work day. I'm not sure how we would make it work without all of those things., Husband is full time...works from home 2 to 3 days per week. Helps out when he can w therapy appts.
I had to switch to part time, fully remote. Luckily my job was cool with it. I get our son on the bus in the am, then work 7-12 everyday. This gives me time to take him to the OT, speech, PT and the social worker appts every week after school. I'm not sure I'd be able to do that if i still worked full time., I have ASD level 1 and both of my parents worked. I also attended a regular public school. I am not sure why you would need to stay home or change schools unless their current school is not being cooperative with an IEP or 504... which would be federally illegal. He’s 11 and has existed fine up until now, right? So why do you feel the need to change things drastically? ASD level 1 used to be called Asperger’s, those kids tend to do well in general education with few accommodations. As someone with autism, please don’t explode with the therapies and thinking this is some kind of horrible thing for your child to be diagnosed with. If he can walk and talk and generally take care of himself he will be fine. Treat him the same but discuss some appropriate accommodations with his school like extended test time and being allowed sensory fidgets.
I say this all with love! I know you mean well. I have just seen some parents completely change everything and overhaul their kids’ lives with later diagnoses., We've made it work through a combination of flexible work arrangements and a lot of good luck.
I work full time, in-office 5 days a week. We've got a little bit of flexibility with our hours and I'm an early riser anyway so I start my day really early...usually out of bed by 5:30 and I do an hour or so of work before I head into the office for 7AM. I'm done at 3:30 and my boss understands that when my time is up, I'm out of here for the most part. And since I usually did an hour of work before my day started, it's never been an issue.
What sucks for me is most days I'm out the door before my son is even out of bed, so my wife has to handle all the morning stuff. She works from home and doesn't have to start until 9, so she's able to get him ready and to school before she has to start her day.
One of his grandparents picks him up from school around 2PM and takes him back to our house until I get home around 4. Then I take over until my wife wraps at 5. I don't know what we'd do without the grandparents.
Free time is nonexistent, honestly. I always feel pressure to rush right home from work so that I can take over. By the time he's in bed it's 8:00 or so and I don't have the energy to do anything, but if I need to run any errands that's usually when I'll take care of it. Wednesdays for example he has OT, so I've got to run home from work and grab him to go straight to OT. On Wednesdays I pretty much get up and start working at 5:30AM and don't get home until 5:30PM and I'm completely spent.
For my wife she's only got that half hour or so between school drop off and work to take care of her stuff.
Both of our bosses know we have appointments and stuff and they've been very understanding., Single mom to 1 level 3 ASD kiddo. I work full time and use FMLA for appointments. It’s tough. It’s 24/7 worrying and working. But she’s my tiny. Nothing I wouldn’t do for her 💛, I hadn't thought about FMLA. Since it is unpaid, is there a reason you went that route instead of going part-time to 32 hours a week?, Thanks so much for the reply! My husband and I are both hybrid, and our in-office days are non-negotiable. I hadn't thought about hiring a nanny or au pair to help us, that is a great idea! We had a nanny for our kids when they were younger and we loved having her., So for the school age child, do you do all drop offs and pick ups, or does your school have a bus?, Thank you! A common theme I'm seeing is having one parent with a super flexible job schedule. Mine is more flexible than my husband's, but I would still need to ask for more accommodations. Fingers crossed! If they're not ok with it then we'll probably go the nanny route., Thank you for your perspective! The reason we're looking into private schools is because he hasn't really done well in public school. He has "existed fine" as you say, but not thrived like my other kids. His grades aren't great because he has no motivation to do his work, and the other kids make fun of him because of his personality differences. He literally doesn't have a single close friend. I think he could really benefit from smaller classrooms, more 1-on-1 attention, and being around other kids that are similar to him. He's also about to go to middle school, so he's changing schools anyway and we figured this was an opportune time to try something different.
I also do not think this is a horrible diagnosis at all! It's been a relief for all of us, including him, to have an explanation for the things he struggles with and we're all excited for him to get some additional support.
I completely understand your concern, and I would never force him to change schools or participate in therapies that he wasn't 100% on board with., Oh wow, sounds busy, but also solid as clockwork. Hopefully your weekends are a little more relaxing? I'm glad you have grandparents to help out. I'm sure we'll get into a good routine like this eventually., Requesting a day off vs saying I’m not going to be there.
FMLA, provided you give appropriate notices and paperwork to your company, legally protects your job while you’re doing what you gotta do.
If you’re just working Part time, if the boss man says you can’t take Monday off for kids appointment…you have no recourse other then to quit., Get to keep my health insurance this way. Which is a must., They have a bus which he takes in the morning. We do pick up in the afternoon because it’s needed to make it to some of his therapy appointments on time, and the school doesn’t allow us to accept transportation less than 5 days per week. I basically do the pick-up on my lunch break when it’s my day., Definitely!! We used to have a nanny until our oldest went to school full time. She was so helpful!, Weekends are definitely chill time, for the most part. The grandparents are a wonderful help but they do so much for us during the week that it makes it difficult to ask them to also help out on weekends. So date nights and things like that are very rare.
All that being said - our son is 5 and I'm sure with time and practice things are going to get a little bit easier for everyone. Even next year once he starts kindergarten, he'll be at school longer and 5 days a week instead of 4. You'll figure out what works and what doesn't...don't feel like you need to nail it right away!, Ah yes, that makes sense. We keep our insurance as long as we're at least 20 hours a week., That's great they have a bus. I'm hoping to find the same., Thank you!, We both work full time in the US. I've applied for FMLA to take my son to his therapy appointments and handle any periods of incapacity. So I've been approved to take off up to 8hr a week (unpaid) for this purpose (but only 480 hr total per year). I've been at my job a long time and have a great relationship with my boss, so hopefully, this works out. We're still in early days trying to figure things out., I'm a lone parent and work a compressed week and from home (with external appointments roughly every 3 weeks).
The other day working day is used for my child's appointments.
It does mean that on some appointments days I need to rely on family, but most of the time, I make it work without.
Wfh is key!, We make it work. I’m very fortunate to work remotely and can just take them to where we need to go. Is the tv on? Yes. But she loves to type on Word while I’m working. I’ll let her write small emails for me or even settle some shipments (I’m an accountant in the grain industry)., We both work full time. However, I work remotely and my jobs is as flexible as they come. So, I am able to take my daughter to preschool, pick her up, take her to speech, and be around all afternoon so we can have in home ABA services. My partner is able to work remotely if I have to be on a call. If I didn’t have a job as flexible as this, our arrangement would not work as I don’t think my daughter would thrive in a daycare setting., We both work full time but my husband is fully remote and, while my job is technically hybrid, I’m given all the flexibility I need. I’ve actually passed a couple of opportunities for better jobs because they would severely limit my flexibility.
We live abroad and away from all family so we are also very privileged to be able to have an au pair living with us and she supports us mainly in the afternoons while we wrap up work. Without her help one of us would probably have to go part time or become a stay at home parent., We are able to handle a school age child between ourselves. We have a nanny for the 2-year-old who needs to be driven to therapy clinics in the morning and can’t go to daycare. I am a hybrid worker and got a reasonable accommodation from my workplace to have more WFH days. Spouse is a nurse working 12’s, and we try to plan his schedule to best support the needs., Both parents work full time here, and we have a level 2 ASD kiddo, and a borderline level 1 kiddo. My husband has a super flexible job which allows the level 2 kiddo to attend various therapies. FWIW, our level 1 kiddo is at a private school, and it’s worked out perfect for him - he gets personalized attention etc.
I remember having the same train of thought as you after my youngest was diagnosed. Hang in there!, We work full time. He takes the bus to school and then goes to a nice, chill afterschool program by school bus and does his homework there. Most of his therapy happens at school or, rarely, on the weekend, so we really only need to take time off for normal parent things (dentist, occasional sick days), We make it work, but it is difficult. We both work in flexible jobs with understanding bosses. We also only have one child and pay a family member to provide transportation to appointments during the work day. I'm not sure how we would make it work without all of those things., Husband is full time...works from home 2 to 3 days per week. Helps out when he can w therapy appts.
I had to switch to part time, fully remote. Luckily my job was cool with it. I get our son on the bus in the am, then work 7-12 everyday. This gives me time to take him to the OT, speech, PT and the social worker appts every week after school. I'm not sure I'd be able to do that if i still worked full time., I have ASD level 1 and both of my parents worked. I also attended a regular public school. I am not sure why you would need to stay home or change schools unless their current school is not being cooperative with an IEP or 504... which would be federally illegal. He’s 11 and has existed fine up until now, right? So why do you feel the need to change things drastically? ASD level 1 used to be called Asperger’s, those kids tend to do well in general education with few accommodations. As someone with autism, please don’t explode with the therapies and thinking this is some kind of horrible thing for your child to be diagnosed with. If he can walk and talk and generally take care of himself he will be fine. Treat him the same but discuss some appropriate accommodations with his school like extended test time and being allowed sensory fidgets.
I say this all with love! I know you mean well. I have just seen some parents completely change everything and overhaul their kids’ lives with later diagnoses., We've made it work through a combination of flexible work arrangements and a lot of good luck.
I work full time, in-office 5 days a week. We've got a little bit of flexibility with our hours and I'm an early riser anyway so I start my day really early...usually out of bed by 5:30 and I do an hour or so of work before I head into the office for 7AM. I'm done at 3:30 and my boss understands that when my time is up, I'm out of here for the most part. And since I usually did an hour of work before my day started, it's never been an issue.
What sucks for me is most days I'm out the door before my son is even out of bed, so my wife has to handle all the morning stuff. She works from home and doesn't have to start until 9, so she's able to get him ready and to school before she has to start her day.
One of his grandparents picks him up from school around 2PM and takes him back to our house until I get home around 4. Then I take over until my wife wraps at 5. I don't know what we'd do without the grandparents.
Free time is nonexistent, honestly. I always feel pressure to rush right home from work so that I can take over. By the time he's in bed it's 8:00 or so and I don't have the energy to do anything, but if I need to run any errands that's usually when I'll take care of it. Wednesdays for example he has OT, so I've got to run home from work and grab him to go straight to OT. On Wednesdays I pretty much get up and start working at 5:30AM and don't get home until 5:30PM and I'm completely spent.
For my wife she's only got that half hour or so between school drop off and work to take care of her stuff.
Both of our bosses know we have appointments and stuff and they've been very understanding., Single mom to 1 level 3 ASD kiddo. I work full time and use FMLA for appointments. It’s tough. It’s 24/7 worrying and working. But she’s my tiny. Nothing I wouldn’t do for her 💛, I hadn't thought about FMLA. Since it is unpaid, is there a reason you went that route instead of going part-time to 32 hours a week?, Thanks so much for the reply! My husband and I are both hybrid, and our in-office days are non-negotiable. I hadn't thought about hiring a nanny or au pair to help us, that is a great idea! We had a nanny for our kids when they were younger and we loved having her., So for the school age child, do you do all drop offs and pick ups, or does your school have a bus?, Thank you! A common theme I'm seeing is having one parent with a super flexible job schedule. Mine is more flexible than my husband's, but I would still need to ask for more accommodations. Fingers crossed! If they're not ok with it then we'll probably go the nanny route., Thank you for your perspective! The reason we're looking into private schools is because he hasn't really done well in public school. He has "existed fine" as you say, but not thrived like my other kids. His grades aren't great because he has no motivation to do his work, and the other kids make fun of him because of his personality differences. He literally doesn't have a single close friend. I think he could really benefit from smaller classrooms, more 1-on-1 attention, and being around other kids that are similar to him. He's also about to go to middle school, so he's changing schools anyway and we figured this was an opportune time to try something different.
I also do not think this is a horrible diagnosis at all! It's been a relief for all of us, including him, to have an explanation for the things he struggles with and we're all excited for him to get some additional support.
I completely understand your concern, and I would never force him to change schools or participate in therapies that he wasn't 100% on board with., Oh wow, sounds busy, but also solid as clockwork. Hopefully your weekends are a little more relaxing? I'm glad you have grandparents to help out. I'm sure we'll get into a good routine like this eventually., Requesting a day off vs saying I’m not going to be there.
FMLA, provided you give appropriate notices and paperwork to your company, legally protects your job while you’re doing what you gotta do.
If you’re just working Part time, if the boss man says you can’t take Monday off for kids appointment…you have no recourse other then to quit., Get to keep my health insurance this way. Which is a must., They have a bus which he takes in the morning. We do pick up in the afternoon because it’s needed to make it to some of his therapy appointments on time, and the school doesn’t allow us to accept transportation less than 5 days per week. I basically do the pick-up on my lunch break when it’s my day., Definitely!! We used to have a nanny until our oldest went to school full time. She was so helpful!, Weekends are definitely chill time, for the most part. The grandparents are a wonderful help but they do so much for us during the week that it makes it difficult to ask them to also help out on weekends. So date nights and things like that are very rare.
All that being said - our son is 5 and I'm sure with time and practice things are going to get a little bit easier for everyone. Even next year once he starts kindergarten, he'll be at school longer and 5 days a week instead of 4. You'll figure out what works and what doesn't...don't feel like you need to nail it right away!, Ah yes, that makes sense. We keep our insurance as long as we're at least 20 hours a week., That's great they have a bus. I'm hoping to find the same., Thank you!, We both work full time in the US. I've applied for FMLA to take my son to his therapy appointments and handle any periods of incapacity. So I've been approved to take off up to 8hr a week (unpaid) for this purpose (but only 480 hr total per year). I've been at my job a long time and have a great relationship with my boss, so hopefully, this works out. We're still in early days trying to figure things out., I'm a lone parent and work a compressed week and from home (with external appointments roughly every 3 weeks).
The other day working day is used for my child's appointments.
It does mean that on some appointments days I need to rely on family, but most of the time, I make it work without.
Wfh is key!, We make it work. I’m very fortunate to work remotely and can just take them to where we need to go. Is the tv on? Yes. But she loves to type on Word while I’m working. I’ll let her write small emails for me or even settle some shipments (I’m an accountant in the grain industry)., We both work full time. However, I work remotely and my jobs is as flexible as they come. So, I am able to take my daughter to preschool, pick her up, take her to speech, and be around all afternoon so we can have in home ABA services. My partner is able to work remotely if I have to be on a call. If I didn’t have a job as flexible as this, our arrangement would not work as I don’t think my daughter would thrive in a daycare setting., We both work full time but my husband is fully remote and, while my job is technically hybrid, I’m given all the flexibility I need. I’ve actually passed a couple of opportunities for better jobs because they would severely limit my flexibility.
We live abroad and away from all family so we are also very privileged to be able to have an au pair living with us and she supports us mainly in the afternoons while we wrap up work. Without her help one of us would probably have to go part time or become a stay at home parent., We are able to handle a school age child between ourselves. We have a nanny for the 2-year-old who needs to be driven to therapy clinics in the morning and can’t go to daycare. I am a hybrid worker and got a reasonable accommodation from my workplace to have more WFH days. Spouse is a nurse working 12’s, and we try to plan his schedule to best support the needs., Both parents work full time here, and we have a level 2 ASD kiddo, and a borderline level 1 kiddo. My husband has a super flexible job which allows the level 2 kiddo to attend various therapies. FWIW, our level 1 kiddo is at a private school, and it’s worked out perfect for him - he gets personalized attention etc.
I remember having the same train of thought as you after my youngest was diagnosed. Hang in there!, We work full time. He takes the bus to school and then goes to a nice, chill afterschool program by school bus and does his homework there. Most of his therapy happens at school or, rarely, on the weekend, so we really only need to take time off for normal parent things (dentist, occasional sick days), We make it work, but it is difficult. We both work in flexible jobs with understanding bosses. We also only have one child and pay a family member to provide transportation to appointments during the work day. I'm not sure how we would make it work without all of those things., Husband is full time...works from home 2 to 3 days per week. Helps out when he can w therapy appts.
I had to switch to part time, fully remote. Luckily my job was cool with it. I get our son on the bus in the am, then work 7-12 everyday. This gives me time to take him to the OT, speech, PT and the social worker appts every week after school. I'm not sure I'd be able to do that if i still worked full time., I have ASD level 1 and both of my parents worked. I also attended a regular public school. I am not sure why you would need to stay home or change schools unless their current school is not being cooperative with an IEP or 504... which would be federally illegal. He’s 11 and has existed fine up until now, right? So why do you feel the need to change things drastically? ASD level 1 used to be called Asperger’s, those kids tend to do well in general education with few accommodations. As someone with autism, please don’t explode with the therapies and thinking this is some kind of horrible thing for your child to be diagnosed with. If he can walk and talk and generally take care of himself he will be fine. Treat him the same but discuss some appropriate accommodations with his school like extended test time and being allowed sensory fidgets.
I say this all with love! I know you mean well. I have just seen some parents completely change everything and overhaul their kids’ lives with later diagnoses., We've made it work through a combination of flexible work arrangements and a lot of good luck.
I work full time, in-office 5 days a week. We've got a little bit of flexibility with our hours and I'm an early riser anyway so I start my day really early...usually out of bed by 5:30 and I do an hour or so of work before I head into the office for 7AM. I'm done at 3:30 and my boss understands that when my time is up, I'm out of here for the most part. And since I usually did an hour of work before my day started, it's never been an issue.
What sucks for me is most days I'm out the door before my son is even out of bed, so my wife has to handle all the morning stuff. She works from home and doesn't have to start until 9, so she's able to get him ready and to school before she has to start her day.
One of his grandparents picks him up from school around 2PM and takes him back to our house until I get home around 4. Then I take over until my wife wraps at 5. I don't know what we'd do without the grandparents.
Free time is nonexistent, honestly. I always feel pressure to rush right home from work so that I can take over. By the time he's in bed it's 8:00 or so and I don't have the energy to do anything, but if I need to run any errands that's usually when I'll take care of it. Wednesdays for example he has OT, so I've got to run home from work and grab him to go straight to OT. On Wednesdays I pretty much get up and start working at 5:30AM and don't get home until 5:30PM and I'm completely spent.
For my wife she's only got that half hour or so between school drop off and work to take care of her stuff.
Both of our bosses know we have appointments and stuff and they've been very understanding., Single mom to 1 level 3 ASD kiddo. I work full time and use FMLA for appointments. It’s tough. It’s 24/7 worrying and working. But she’s my tiny. Nothing I wouldn’t do for her 💛, I hadn't thought about FMLA. Since it is unpaid, is there a reason you went that route instead of going part-time to 32 hours a week?, Thanks so much for the reply! My husband and I are both hybrid, and our in-office days are non-negotiable. I hadn't thought about hiring a nanny or au pair to help us, that is a great idea! We had a nanny for our kids when they were younger and we loved having her., So for the school age child, do you do all drop offs and pick ups, or does your school have a bus?, Thank you! A common theme I'm seeing is having one parent with a super flexible job schedule. Mine is more flexible than my husband's, but I would still need to ask for more accommodations. Fingers crossed! If they're not ok with it then we'll probably go the nanny route., Thank you for your perspective! The reason we're looking into private schools is because he hasn't really done well in public school. He has "existed fine" as you say, but not thrived like my other kids. His grades aren't great because he has no motivation to do his work, and the other kids make fun of him because of his personality differences. He literally doesn't have a single close friend. I think he could really benefit from smaller classrooms, more 1-on-1 attention, and being around other kids that are similar to him. He's also about to go to middle school, so he's changing schools anyway and we figured this was an opportune time to try something different.
I also do not think this is a horrible diagnosis at all! It's been a relief for all of us, including him, to have an explanation for the things he struggles with and we're all excited for him to get some additional support.
I completely understand your concern, and I would never force him to change schools or participate in therapies that he wasn't 100% on board with., Oh wow, sounds busy, but also solid as clockwork. Hopefully your weekends are a little more relaxing? I'm glad you have grandparents to help out. I'm sure we'll get into a good routine like this eventually., Requesting a day off vs saying I’m not going to be there.
FMLA, provided you give appropriate notices and paperwork to your company, legally protects your job while you’re doing what you gotta do.
If you’re just working Part time, if the boss man says you can’t take Monday off for kids appointment…you have no recourse other then to quit., Get to keep my health insurance this way. Which is a must., They have a bus which he takes in the morning. We do pick up in the afternoon because it’s needed to make it to some of his therapy appointments on time, and the school doesn’t allow us to accept transportation less than 5 days per week. I basically do the pick-up on my lunch break when it’s my day., Definitely!! We used to have a nanny until our oldest went to school full time. She was so helpful!, Weekends are definitely chill time, for the most part. The grandparents are a wonderful help but they do so much for us during the week that it makes it difficult to ask them to also help out on weekends. So date nights and things like that are very rare.
All that being said - our son is 5 and I'm sure with time and practice things are going to get a little bit easier for everyone. Even next year once he starts kindergarten, he'll be at school longer and 5 days a week instead of 4. You'll figure out what works and what doesn't...don't feel like you need to nail it right away!, Ah yes, that makes sense. We keep our insurance as long as we're at least 20 hours a week., That's great they have a bus. I'm hoping to find the same., Thank you!, We both work full time in the US. I've applied for FMLA to take my son to his therapy appointments and handle any periods of incapacity. So I've been approved to take off up to 8hr a week (unpaid) for this purpose (but only 480 hr total per year). I've been at my job a long time and have a great relationship with my boss, so hopefully, this works out. We're still in early days trying to figure things out., I'm a lone parent and work a compressed week and from home (with external appointments roughly every 3 weeks).
The other day working day is used for my child's appointments.
It does mean that on some appointments days I need to rely on family, but most of the time, I make it work without.
Wfh is key!, We make it work. I’m very fortunate to work remotely and can just take them to where we need to go. Is the tv on? Yes. But she loves to type on Word while I’m working. I’ll let her write small emails for me or even settle some shipments (I’m an accountant in the grain industry)., We both work full time. However, I work remotely and my jobs is as flexible as they come. So, I am able to take my daughter to preschool, pick her up, take her to speech, and be around all afternoon so we can have in home ABA services. My partner is able to work remotely if I have to be on a call. If I didn’t have a job as flexible as this, our arrangement would not work as I don’t think my daughter would thrive in a daycare setting., We both work full time but my husband is fully remote and, while my job is technically hybrid, I’m given all the flexibility I need. I’ve actually passed a couple of opportunities for better jobs because they would severely limit my flexibility.
We live abroad and away from all family so we are also very privileged to be able to have an au pair living with us and she supports us mainly in the afternoons while we wrap up work. Without her help one of us would probably have to go part time or become a stay at home parent., We are able to handle a school age child between ourselves. We have a nanny for the 2-year-old who needs to be driven to therapy clinics in the morning and can’t go to daycare. I am a hybrid worker and got a reasonable accommodation from my workplace to have more WFH days. Spouse is a nurse working 12’s, and we try to plan his schedule to best support the needs., Both parents work full time here, and we have a level 2 ASD kiddo, and a borderline level 1 kiddo. My husband has a super flexible job which allows the level 2 kiddo to attend various therapies. FWIW, our level 1 kiddo is at a private school, and it’s worked out perfect for him - he gets personalized attention etc.
I remember having the same train of thought as you after my youngest was diagnosed. Hang in there!, We work full time. He takes the bus to school and then goes to a nice, chill afterschool program by school bus and does his homework there. Most of his therapy happens at school or, rarely, on the weekend, so we really only need to take time off for normal parent things (dentist, occasional sick days), We make it work, but it is difficult. We both work in flexible jobs with understanding bosses. We also only have one child and pay a family member to provide transportation to appointments during the work day. I'm not sure how we would make it work without all of those things., Husband is full time...works from home 2 to 3 days per week. Helps out when he can w therapy appts.
I had to switch to part time, fully remote. Luckily my job was cool with it. I get our son on the bus in the am, then work 7-12 everyday. This gives me time to take him to the OT, speech, PT and the social worker appts every week after school. I'm not sure I'd be able to do that if i still worked full time., I have ASD level 1 and both of my parents worked. I also attended a regular public school. I am not sure why you would need to stay home or change schools unless their current school is not being cooperative with an IEP or 504... which would be federally illegal. He’s 11 and has existed fine up until now, right? So why do you feel the need to change things drastically? ASD level 1 used to be called Asperger’s, those kids tend to do well in general education with few accommodations. As someone with autism, please don’t explode with the therapies and thinking this is some kind of horrible thing for your child to be diagnosed with. If he can walk and talk and generally take care of himself he will be fine. Treat him the same but discuss some appropriate accommodations with his school like extended test time and being allowed sensory fidgets.
I say this all with love! I know you mean well. I have just seen some parents completely change everything and overhaul their kids’ lives with later diagnoses., We've made it work through a combination of flexible work arrangements and a lot of good luck.
I work full time, in-office 5 days a week. We've got a little bit of flexibility with our hours and I'm an early riser anyway so I start my day really early...usually out of bed by 5:30 and I do an hour or so of work before I head into the office for 7AM. I'm done at 3:30 and my boss understands that when my time is up, I'm out of here for the most part. And since I usually did an hour of work before my day started, it's never been an issue.
What sucks for me is most days I'm out the door before my son is even out of bed, so my wife has to handle all the morning stuff. She works from home and doesn't have to start until 9, so she's able to get him ready and to school before she has to start her day.
One of his grandparents picks him up from school around 2PM and takes him back to our house until I get home around 4. Then I take over until my wife wraps at 5. I don't know what we'd do without the grandparents.
Free time is nonexistent, honestly. I always feel pressure to rush right home from work so that I can take over. By the time he's in bed it's 8:00 or so and I don't have the energy to do anything, but if I need to run any errands that's usually when I'll take care of it. Wednesdays for example he has OT, so I've got to run home from work and grab him to go straight to OT. On Wednesdays I pretty much get up and start working at 5:30AM and don't get home until 5:30PM and I'm completely spent.
For my wife she's only got that half hour or so between school drop off and work to take care of her stuff.
Both of our bosses know we have appointments and stuff and they've been very understanding., Single mom to 1 level 3 ASD kiddo. I work full time and use FMLA for appointments. It’s tough. It’s 24/7 worrying and working. But she’s my tiny. Nothing I wouldn’t do for her 💛, I hadn't thought about FMLA. Since it is unpaid, is there a reason you went that route instead of going part-time to 32 hours a week?, Thanks so much for the reply! My husband and I are both hybrid, and our in-office days are non-negotiable. I hadn't thought about hiring a nanny or au pair to help us, that is a great idea! We had a nanny for our kids when they were younger and we loved having her., So for the school age child, do you do all drop offs and pick ups, or does your school have a bus?, Thank you! A common theme I'm seeing is having one parent with a super flexible job schedule. Mine is more flexible than my husband's, but I would still need to ask for more accommodations. Fingers crossed! If they're not ok with it then we'll probably go the nanny route., Thank you for your perspective! The reason we're looking into private schools is because he hasn't really done well in public school. He has "existed fine" as you say, but not thrived like my other kids. His grades aren't great because he has no motivation to do his work, and the other kids make fun of him because of his personality differences. He literally doesn't have a single close friend. I think he could really benefit from smaller classrooms, more 1-on-1 attention, and being around other kids that are similar to him. He's also about to go to middle school, so he's changing schools anyway and we figured this was an opportune time to try something different.
I also do not think this is a horrible diagnosis at all! It's been a relief for all of us, including him, to have an explanation for the things he struggles with and we're all excited for him to get some additional support.
I completely understand your concern, and I would never force him to change schools or participate in therapies that he wasn't 100% on board with., Oh wow, sounds busy, but also solid as clockwork. Hopefully your weekends are a little more relaxing? I'm glad you have grandparents to help out. I'm sure we'll get into a good routine like this eventually., Requesting a day off vs saying I’m not going to be there.
FMLA, provided you give appropriate notices and paperwork to your company, legally protects your job while you’re doing what you gotta do.
If you’re just working Part time, if the boss man says you can’t take Monday off for kids appointment…you have no recourse other then to quit., Get to keep my health insurance this way. Which is a must., They have a bus which he takes in the morning. We do pick up in the afternoon because it’s needed to make it to some of his therapy appointments on time, and the school doesn’t allow us to accept transportation less than 5 days per week. I basically do the pick-up on my lunch break when it’s my day., Definitely!! We used to have a nanny until our oldest went to school full time. She was so helpful!, Weekends are definitely chill time, for the most part. The grandparents are a wonderful help but they do so much for us during the week that it makes it difficult to ask them to also help out on weekends. So date nights and things like that are very rare.
All that being said - our son is 5 and I'm sure with time and practice things are going to get a little bit easier for everyone. Even next year once he starts kindergarten, he'll be at school longer and 5 days a week instead of 4. You'll figure out what works and what doesn't...don't feel like you need to nail it right away!, Ah yes, that makes sense. We keep our insurance as long as we're at least 20 hours a week., That's great they have a bus. I'm hoping to find the same., Thank you!
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Type 1 or type 2?
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My 4M kiddo was recently diagnosed with ASD. They don't give a type in the diagnosis. Given that he's verbal and potty trained I'm fairly sure he isn't type 3. But I'm not sure whether he's more likely type 1 or 2. Could you help me with indices in that regard? For example he does eye contact with us and laughs and smiles quite a bit, likes physical activity. But at the same time he does play very repetitively and it's hard to have exchanges beyond one or two back and forth with him.
In general what are the telltale signs that it may be type 1 or 2?
I think it's important that I have an idea about the level of support he'll need in the future. Perhaps I just have to wait more.
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Autism is no longer divided by functioning levels, but rather how much support is needed. So it is hard to say what level he is without knowing what his support needs are, currently. That’s what the levels are based on.
It’s also really hard to guess at 4 what support needs he will have in a couple years, let alone 10+ years, even if you were given a level. I know quite a few people the age of my oldest two kids (19 and 21) who would have been level 3 at diagnosis, if levels had been a thing yet in the early 2000s, who are definitely level 1 now. A lot can change and improve with therapy started as young as possible., We just received a diagnosis from an eval done at an autism clinic in an hospital. They assigned a level for the diagnosis. Further, the doctor informed us that while the community is moving away from the level diagnosis for the reasons you stated, insurance companies still rely on it for benefits. I think it’s important to request an updated diagnosis from the physician to document properly., I think I should have worded that better. There are levels. Those levels are not based on what kids can and can’t do, ie autism is no longer divided by functioning levels, as it used to be. The levels they use now are based on support needs. Because some kids can be “high functioning” and still require a lot of behavioral support.
I will say though, never has insurance asked for a level. My kids were both diagnosed pre-dsm 5, which means pre levels.
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Understanding
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Any documentaries that helped you understand autism , or how to parent an autistic child . Something not just with definitions , but real life examples . For example I've read about overstimulation , but I want to better understand what that feels.like .
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[The movie LISTEN](https://youtu.be/H7dca7U7GI8?si=P7RiUF53mlAzscqz) is really great for learning about the perspective of nonspeaking autistic people, The Reason I Jump is amazing. It was a book first written by a once nonverbal Japanese ASD boy and was recently translated to English and made into a movie. Absolutely eye opening. Available on Prime Video., If it runs in your or your SO's families, you are seriously better off talking to family members with traits. Autism is a catchall, and comes in all sorts of flavors., I really liked the documentary In a Different Key. It’s about Donald Triplett, the first person to be diagnosed with autism, and his story is intertwined with that of the filmmaker who hopes to find a supportive community for her adult autistic son., My kid really liked Transfixed and felt like they could relate to the subjects more than with other documentaries in this genre, especially with the intersectionality they explore., Thank you!, I'm the family member with traits lol, Thank you! I will try this one ., Your welcome, So, there are you go! ;-D
Took me a while to understand, after my kid was diagnosed, that those periods of becoming incredibly waspy in the face of adversity/overexposure to sound/color were actually adult meltdowns., I get angry when I hear a motorcycle, or if the collar on my shirt is to high on my neck I can't concentrate on anything . Would this be similar ?, Sounds about right. It's like you have a very thin skin about some things and can't habituate/tune them out? And if it goes on long enough...yeah.
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Update: vacation with 3yo asd son went amazing
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I really thought vacation would be a disaster. He wouldn’t be sleeping in his normal bed in his normal room like he’s used to, we’d be going to new places and trying new food and in a new environment. It’s a 4 hour car ride, etc. I was prepared for meltdowns all week. But it was great!
He didn’t cry once on the ride there or back, just played with his toys and watched Super Simple Songs. He did amazing sleeping there (I bought a pop up tent to keep him safe and a portable door lock). He slept through the night every night. He did great at all the restaurants and tried new foods and sat in a high chair (he used to freak out with high chairs). He loved the pool, loved the beach, loved the sand.
There were some meltdowns about leaving the pool but he’s 3 so that’s sort of expected anyways, his are just a bit more intense.
Other than that, he was the happiest kid ever all trip and honestly acted like a little angel.
Yay!
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Amazing!
As parents of special needs children I think some of us have become conditioned sometimes to expect the worst of our kids. We often read about others’ negative experiences and then automatically assume those experiences will be ours too.
So when our own experience turns out to be positive, it becomes such a nice surprise,
and something to celebrate.
Wishing you and your family many more amazing vacation times! :), That’s awesome! As challenging as it is, our kid *consistently* makes *huge* strides every time we’ve traveled anywhere with him. Talking more, engaging with people, sleeping in regular beds, trying new foods, etc. Don’t get me wrong, he also tends to have his biggest meltdowns on those trips too… but it’s been well worth it!, I'm so happy for you! My wife and I have always been adventurous travelers, but since our little one came along (he'll be 4 years old soon), we've had to change the type of vacations we take. Last year, with some hesitation, we booked an all-inclusive vacation in a Greek island resort that had plenty of child-friendly amenities, and it was fantastic. Our son didn't have a single meltdown, and we were able to relax in a way we hadn't been able to in a long time (and we really needed it). This year, we've decided to do the same thing!, 🥹 love this! Reading this put a huge smile on my face! Super Simple Songs is my son’s jams, absolutely loves them and calms him down significantly. Our vacation last month went almost the exact same way. Only a few melt downs, where the year before we only made it through one full meal at a restaurant, this year we never had to leave early! Few times I had to take him outside when he was getting agitated, but it gave us some one-on-one time to look for bugs and experience new sights and sounds while mom was inside with his twin brother (non ASD). His brother got the restaurant experience he never had before because we would always have to pick up and leave early due to melt downs. Little wins mean so much! Glad you guys had such a good vacation!!, My ASD kid is four and loves going on road trips and camping trips. Maybe it's all the outdoor time? I have no idea why a 4 hour drive on a camping trip is doable but the 30 minute drive to school is intolerable. But there's something about it that regulates her.
I'm glad you all had a great trip!, That awesome!!! i’m glad it went well!, Love this!! ❤️, I'm so happy for yall! Sounds like you guys had a blast:), Hell yeah!!!!, [deleted], One set of my kid’s grandparents live nearly 3 hours away so he’s done plenty of long car rides, never bothered him. Used to sleep through most of them, but now just doesn’t care, will sometimes just want to watch the scenery, sometimes watch saved videos or play games on iPad. The activities once we get there, he’s had problems with. Went to a big aquarium, didn’t like parts of it that were dark or noisy. Went through a drive through petting zoo and immediately freaked out, didn’t want the animals coming up to us, didn’t help a camel stuck his head in to grab the food pellets we had from the car’s center console (keep that stuff out of sight). We wound up finding an indoor kids playground/interactive exhibit place, he likes those. Likes being in a pool. So really we just worry about what kind of activities we can do. It would suck to one day take him to a Disney park, and he freaks out so bad he wants nothing to do with it, so all you actually do is swim in the hotel pool., Awesome!, A very good point and a default mindset for me. I value his emotions and worry it would be too much. But really helping him have new experiences will be as important., We bought a pop up tent for our ASD grandson at [IKEA](https://www.ikea.com/nl/en/p/busa-childrens-tent-10243574/). (Unfortunately this one is out of stock, but maybe you can find something similar.)
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Using AAC for verbal kiddo
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Has anyone started using an AAC app or device with an already verbal child?
My son is almost 5 and has autism (we weren't given a level, but I would say level 1). I don't like functioning levels, but he is what most consider high functioning and is hyperverbal. However, when he is hungry, tired, frustrated, etc, he struggles to communicate. He can't tell us that he is feeling a certain way and we only know because he becomes super aggressive and behaviors skyrocket.
I am thinking about introducing a AAC app to help him show me how he feels. We used an app that had a simple communication board when we went on a flight last weekend, and he loved using it to show me how he was feeling. Do you think it would help day to day?
Any experiences with this?
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My kid is hyperlexic, and when stressed all communication shuts down and becomes aggressive action, yells, or shut downs.I tried to get some sign stuff for school for that reason, but it was never used.
Keep us updated. I saw a adult on r/autism make themselves a book for when their words don't work. I purchased a mini photo book to do the same for my kid, but that was before the failed sign attempt at school., I’m a speech therapist… one thing to keep in mind is that AAC is *not* necessarily any easier to use than other forms of communication, unless there is a physical barrier to other forms of communication like apraxia. This is a misconception I see often - teachers will request AAC devices because a child is not answering questions, turn taking, or responding to peers verbally or with sign language. I always say if they aren’t doing those things in their first modality of communication, asking them to learn a new communication “language” in AAC will only add a layer of difficulty, not solve the problem. First the child has to think of what they want to say, then they have to remember how to use a device to say it.
There can be specific cases where AAC enhances communication in kids who already have another mode of communication. Sometimes kids just really love technology, and the interest factor in using an iPad helps. Sometimes a child responds better to visuals and consistent auditory output (the way an AAC device “says” something doesn’t change). In those cases an AAC device might be helpful.
My thought would be to try something inexpensive or free first. If it works, that’s awesome, if not, no harm done. Also, what I have found helpful for my little guy is having some scripted phrases that he uses, like “I need space” that can be go-to’s when he is upset. So if he gets upset and is pushing me away, I say “You need to tell me ‘I need space’”. Over time he learns phrases like that and does remember to use them independently. If he can use a short and sweet phrase to get his needs met in the moment, then we can talk about what happened in more detail later., My kid is hyperlexic, and when stressed all communication shuts down and becomes aggressive action, yells, or shut downs.I tried to get some sign stuff for school for that reason, but it was never used.
Keep us updated. I saw a adult on r/autism make themselves a book for when their words don't work. I purchased a mini photo book to do the same for my kid, but that was before the failed sign attempt at school., I’m a speech therapist… one thing to keep in mind is that AAC is *not* necessarily any easier to use than other forms of communication, unless there is a physical barrier to other forms of communication like apraxia. This is a misconception I see often - teachers will request AAC devices because a child is not answering questions, turn taking, or responding to peers verbally or with sign language. I always say if they aren’t doing those things in their first modality of communication, asking them to learn a new communication “language” in AAC will only add a layer of difficulty, not solve the problem. First the child has to think of what they want to say, then they have to remember how to use a device to say it.
There can be specific cases where AAC enhances communication in kids who already have another mode of communication. Sometimes kids just really love technology, and the interest factor in using an iPad helps. Sometimes a child responds better to visuals and consistent auditory output (the way an AAC device “says” something doesn’t change). In those cases an AAC device might be helpful.
My thought would be to try something inexpensive or free first. If it works, that’s awesome, if not, no harm done. Also, what I have found helpful for my little guy is having some scripted phrases that he uses, like “I need space” that can be go-to’s when he is upset. So if he gets upset and is pushing me away, I say “You need to tell me ‘I need space’”. Over time he learns phrases like that and does remember to use them independently. If he can use a short and sweet phrase to get his needs met in the moment, then we can talk about what happened in more detail later., My kid is hyperlexic, and when stressed all communication shuts down and becomes aggressive action, yells, or shut downs.I tried to get some sign stuff for school for that reason, but it was never used.
Keep us updated. I saw a adult on r/autism make themselves a book for when their words don't work. I purchased a mini photo book to do the same for my kid, but that was before the failed sign attempt at school., I’m a speech therapist… one thing to keep in mind is that AAC is *not* necessarily any easier to use than other forms of communication, unless there is a physical barrier to other forms of communication like apraxia. This is a misconception I see often - teachers will request AAC devices because a child is not answering questions, turn taking, or responding to peers verbally or with sign language. I always say if they aren’t doing those things in their first modality of communication, asking them to learn a new communication “language” in AAC will only add a layer of difficulty, not solve the problem. First the child has to think of what they want to say, then they have to remember how to use a device to say it.
There can be specific cases where AAC enhances communication in kids who already have another mode of communication. Sometimes kids just really love technology, and the interest factor in using an iPad helps. Sometimes a child responds better to visuals and consistent auditory output (the way an AAC device “says” something doesn’t change). In those cases an AAC device might be helpful.
My thought would be to try something inexpensive or free first. If it works, that’s awesome, if not, no harm done. Also, what I have found helpful for my little guy is having some scripted phrases that he uses, like “I need space” that can be go-to’s when he is upset. So if he gets upset and is pushing me away, I say “You need to tell me ‘I need space’”. Over time he learns phrases like that and does remember to use them independently. If he can use a short and sweet phrase to get his needs met in the moment, then we can talk about what happened in more detail later., My kid is hyperlexic, and when stressed all communication shuts down and becomes aggressive action, yells, or shut downs.I tried to get some sign stuff for school for that reason, but it was never used.
Keep us updated. I saw a adult on r/autism make themselves a book for when their words don't work. I purchased a mini photo book to do the same for my kid, but that was before the failed sign attempt at school., I’m a speech therapist… one thing to keep in mind is that AAC is *not* necessarily any easier to use than other forms of communication, unless there is a physical barrier to other forms of communication like apraxia. This is a misconception I see often - teachers will request AAC devices because a child is not answering questions, turn taking, or responding to peers verbally or with sign language. I always say if they aren’t doing those things in their first modality of communication, asking them to learn a new communication “language” in AAC will only add a layer of difficulty, not solve the problem. First the child has to think of what they want to say, then they have to remember how to use a device to say it.
There can be specific cases where AAC enhances communication in kids who already have another mode of communication. Sometimes kids just really love technology, and the interest factor in using an iPad helps. Sometimes a child responds better to visuals and consistent auditory output (the way an AAC device “says” something doesn’t change). In those cases an AAC device might be helpful.
My thought would be to try something inexpensive or free first. If it works, that’s awesome, if not, no harm done. Also, what I have found helpful for my little guy is having some scripted phrases that he uses, like “I need space” that can be go-to’s when he is upset. So if he gets upset and is pushing me away, I say “You need to tell me ‘I need space’”. Over time he learns phrases like that and does remember to use them independently. If he can use a short and sweet phrase to get his needs met in the moment, then we can talk about what happened in more detail later.
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Venting Moment
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Sometimes I get sad thinking about how I never got to experience motherhood like parents with neurotypical kids. I don't even know what that life is like. I love my daughter and understand I was given her for a reason but I can't imagine how often the simplest things are taken for granted like having a conversation with your child, going to the store with no meltdown/ able.to processall the stimuli, or even just going to the park and your child making friends.
Anyways vent over. Wishing all autism parents the best and hoping all our children prosper. ✨️
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When I'm feeling overwhelmed, I tell myself that this exact kid needs this exact mother. I think about my son being raised by other parents, God forbid the kind of parents I had, and I find the thought intolerable, and it pushes me to be better for him. Yes, it's hard. I know what you mean about seeing NT kids share moments with their parents and knowing it's not going to be that way for us. It's okay to feel that loss. But one of the ways I personally find meaning is knowing we are doing this because nobody else could do it better. If taking on this challenge is what it's going to take for my son to be a happy and thriving child, that's worth it to me., One of the wisest things my father ever told me was to never wish for someone else’s life because you rarely see the problems that come with it. Those people you see out for ice cream with their NT kids on a Sunday afternoon may have a seething hatred for each other in private. Their kids may have all the things but no access to their parents’ love.
Everyone has a burden, the appearance of perfect usually hides trouble just beneath the surface. Do you have an incredible burden? Yes. Should you wish for someone else’s life? Never., I agree. I have one NT child and one autistic child. Autism has robbed my son of a personality and makes life very difficult for him. I love my son. I wish the world wasn’t so hard for him and I wish he didn’t have autism.
I do get to experience the NT parenting experience with my daughter and I wish we all could experience life together. It makes me sad sometimes when I realize I *know* my daughter’s personality. But I don’t know my son’s. I only know very basic things (like food, or music) that he likes and dislikes. And that is our cycle. I’ve come to accept our life (with medication) so it doesn’t feel as painful as it used to.
It’s not even about comparison. Even without making a comparison I would still wish my son could have a better experience of life. I’m constantly working to improve the quality of life for my son, and others with autism., I feel the same way, not sometimes but everyday. I don’t understand the whole given this child for a reason thing. What is the reason??? It’s unfair and I am sad., I so get you. Most experiences I try really hard to be grateful for how they are rather than dwelling on what I had expected them to be like. The one that really gets me, though, is that I wish I could talk to my son, like a real conversation. Maybe we'll still get there someday!, There’s a paper/poem that really helped me process my kids diagnoses. I cried when I read it because I felt so understood. I hope it helps in some way.
Welcome to Holland - By Emily Perl Kingsley
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like you’re planning a vacation to Italy. You’re all excited. You get a whole bunch of guidebooks, you learn a few phrases so you can get around, and then it comes time to pack your bags and head for the airport.
Only when you land, the stewardess says, “WELCOME TO HOLLAND.”
You look at one another in disbelief and shock, saying, “HOLLAND? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I SIGNED UP FOR ITALY.”
But they explain that there’s been a change of plan, that you’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.
“BUT I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HOLLAND!” you say. ‘I DON’T WANT TO STAY!”
But stay, you do.
You go out and buy some new guidebooks, you learn some new phrases, and you meet people you never knew existed.
The important thing is that you are not in a bad place filled with despair. You’re simply in a different place than you had planned.
It’s slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy, but after you’ve been there a little while and you have a chance to catch your breath, you begin to discover that Holland has windmills. Holland has tulips. Holland has Rembrandts.
But everyone else you know is busy coming and going from Italy. They’re all bragging about what a great time they had there, and for the rest of your life, you’ll say, “YES, THAT’S WHAT I HAD PLANNED.”
The pain of that will never go away.
You have to accept that pain, because the loss of that dream, the loss of that plan, is a very, very significant loss.
But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to go to Italy, you will never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland., On the other hand, you likely get moments that aren't that big of a deal for parents of nt kids. There's all those little things that seem so simple for kiddos without disabilities but are a huge deal for those with - there's experiences your child may never get, but also experience other parents will never notice., Grief has funny little ways to pop up and it’s ultimately born from love. It’s different because traditional grief deals with missing what you once had whereas this is missing what you might have had or think you could have had…in that sense we tend to idolize the NT experience because it’s not been our reality so it’s almost like an illusion, and those just don’t normally have glaring flaws…I try to remind myself that many things can and do interrupt our parenting expectations, regardless of our children’s needs, and autism’s challenges are an ever-changing sweater that we happen to wear through life’s seasons…and like any parent we hope for a more kind season to follow, a reprieve from struggling, a moment to breathe, a success of some kind, a step forward instead of two backward…most of all I hope for our son to not have to battle so hard through life but then I remember that he just doesn’t see it the way we do…and in the end he is amazing and unique and pure love…you are definitely seen and felt, momma…, I feel you. While my kid is yet to be officially diagnosed, I see other kids at the park or the mall and how they play and bond with their parents and other kids and I get sad.
But at the same time, I tell myself not to be “selfish” iykwim. We brought our kids into this world and they owe us nothing! It was our choice. They are our responsibility.
Is it tiring and frustrating? Sure! Autism or no autism, after having kids you loose yourself a lot. Nothing is about you anymore. While we try to make time for ourselves, it’s never enough.
Do I long for a “Normal” life? Absolutely. Would I prefer someone else raising my kid? Absolutely not. However he is, he is mine.
I wish I could say it will become easier, but may be not. One thing I can say, you Will become stronger, I definitely feel this way often, though I try to work on it.
But the other day I overheard a mom at the school pick-up reminding her kid that they were gonna stop by the hospital on the way home to visit Grandma… and my initial reaction was jealousy. Like, just that they even had the option to do something like that. 😕 Pretty messed up!, I feel the same way. I feel my whole life is always thinking every minute of everyday help her learn to talk and try to communicate.
I feel very happy with very tiny little successes. Buy when I am out in public and see another little girl her age and everything comes crashing down and undeniable about the drastic differences it totally crushes me and just want to cry.
My little sister has 2 perfect little girls from the Philippines and they don't understand autism at all and all my family compare my daughter to my sister's little girls and always asking why my daughter is so behind.
Words cannot express how sad it makes me feel. I have thought about trying to have another child because I want to have others experiences who have a normal child, but I am frozen in fear. I feel like my daughter will always take up ever ouch of energy I will ever have., I don’t know how to help but I just want you to know I feel this way sometimes too. It’s tough. No way around it. We’ve got this, I always think about it this way. Even though we are not perfect and this journey can be daunting and frustrating, I am convinced my son is right where he needs to be and I’m so glad he has me and my husband as his parents., I remember someone once said if you walked into a room with a bunch of people and you all threw your problems on the ground, you would pick yours right back up and walk out.
Sometimes I don't feel like that any more though. Sometimes I feel like other people have much easier more bearable lives., I know it may not make you feel better, but I have a son and daughter 13 months apart (2&3) with asd, and both nonverbal. I find it extremely difficult to connect with either of them as they both seem like they have no personality and both struggle developmentally. I never knew something as horrible as asd existed before having kids and I wish I could push a button to go back in time and maintain that blissful ignorance.
Enjoy your daughter and treasure that you at least have one NT kid., > Autism has robbed my son of a personality
can you clarify what you mean? that's not how it works. autism does not "remove your personality", maybe it makes it harder for that personality to be expressed but if anything autism makes you hell of a lot more unique., It is definitely hard and not fair but what I like to think about is that it’s life. Some people lose a spouse and have to take care of the kids w no support. Some lose their children to cancer. Etc. the world keeps spinning and life moves on. It’s about making the best out of your situation.
I just try to enjoy my son as he is and guide him through this unfair world the best I can., I think if I believed that it might give me some comfort. Unfortunately, I think life is just random and there is no reason or hidden purpose, it’s just mutations and genetics., Resignation. I feel like I've been grieving my life, my family's life, there's nothing left but barely making ends meet and raising this autistic boy. Resignation. This is life. If I have a nice fifteen seconds I appreciate it. Lowering standards of life. Resignation., I found this comforting at first. Then I read a response called “F*^k Holland” and honestly it had some salient points. I’ve stopped giving people the Holland analogy since, 100% understand the comparison. The baby stages was hard, my brother would tell me what my nieces were accomplishing and my daughter was not doing that. Same for when I do school meetings or therapy meetings, it's always where she should be for her age and it doesn't make it any easier to hear that even years later., I know how you feel. I’m fostering 4 under 4 at the moment. One definitely has ASD and two more probably do in some form. Whenever I think I have it tough though, one of my bio sons (16 and 20) tells me what’s going on in one of their friend’s families and I’ll take what I’ve got happily., Thank you for your post. I really appreciate it. I empathize. I knew about ASD but I never thought my son would have it, and for him to be so severe. He has good days and bad days. I try to hold on to the good ones., I am not trying to convince you of anything and I have no additional comments to my post., what do you mean by that though? autism literally has nothing to do with having less of a personality, this just feels unfair to say., Autism is a spectrum. For kids that are non verbal and struggle more developmentally, yeah, those kids personalities will be harder to connect with. How do you get to know someone? How do you get to know someone if you can't ask what they like? Dislike? What makes them angry/happy/sad? They can't tell you what they want, what they need? There's no birthday or Christmas list because they can't make one. No jokes, no telling you about their day. Autism impacts every single person and care-person differently. What's true for one individual and their family may not be true for you, but that doesn't take away from their truth., that's literally what i just said, it can limit how much of that personality is put out into the world but it's important to know that despite that there is still a very complex human with feelings too in there
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Videogame/ipad addiction and loss of reading skills.
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I rarely get to see my 13 year old son. There is a 50/50 agreement but his mother barely lets me see him every other weekend. His entire life has been a custody battle and I live in a foreign country to be his father. his mother spends almost 0 time with him and has had him diagnosed with autism but also refuses to acknowledge that means she needs to actually spend focused time with him and do more things to help him besides just take him to 101 doctors appointments.
shes never even spent time teaching him to read in the language of the country we live in.
I DID.
Im mostly just a baby sitter in her eyes. infact she would treat a baby sitter better.
3 years ago before court he could read english and I had coaxed him into learning to read the langauge of the country we live in despite throwing many tantrums. and he was learning to be proud of himself for it even though he would much rather read and function in english.
He has spent the last 2.5 years completly addicted to roadblocks, mortal kombat and several other games which his mother leaves him alone playing for hours and hours. even allowing him to avoid going to school if he says he just doesnt feel like it for weeks at a time.
my son is no longer able to read any language and can barely type a text message without auto correct. since I see him so little when I do have him if I dont allow him to play his games he calls his mother to come get him and or wont come back the next time because he is afraid I wont let him stay up until 2am playing roadblox like his mother does... and she tells him such.
Sorry excuse my rambling explaination. My question is,
When I have so little time and influence How can I motivate my child to unplug from the screens and start reading again?
thanks.
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Don't know the laws wherever you are but, if there is a 50/50 agreement like you said I would take it to court and get your half of the custody that was agreed upon., This is way above Reddit’s pay grade, and you honestly sound like you have some negative feelings about the Mom more so than your sons issues, so this way out of our scope. In my state kids can choose what parent they want to be with at 13. Not sure about other countries laws. Also truancy is a thing, if he was skipping school a lot the school would inform the police.
I don’t wanna know the details because divorce is always *he said she said*, but if what you’re saying is true you need to go back to court and get it sorted in front of judge., Why not go for 100% custody?
We’re only getting your side of the story, but from what your saying his mother is practically leaving the child neglected.
Taking the kid to appointments (likely just to get the funding or to self vent herself) isn’t parenting or autism care.
If the child isn’t meeting basic milestones, attending school on a regular basis or getting proper care. You actually have a responsibility as a father & right to take the child into full care.
Again, this is only based on your side of the story. But from what you are saying, your child would actually be better off removed from the mother.
Realistically you should have done something years ago. But better now then never., You have 50/50 custody. You have to get the legal systems involved to enforce your visitation. There isn't anything you can do if you don't see your kid. I do not think video games will cause a kid to regress in reading skills to the point he can no longer read(most video games require some reading skills too). Maybe he just doesn't want to read. Or since he relies on autocorrect to type a text... he could be dyslexic as well, it's a common learning disability that coexists with ASD. Trying to get a kid with a language based learning disability to learn not one but two written languages would be beyond torture and definitely cause them to rebel against your attempts. We are only getting one side of this story here so the best you can do is gather information from his doctors, teachers, therapists ect because you legally have 50/50 custody and go to the courts to enforce proper care or prove that she's an unfit mother., why are you sending me harrassing personal messages??t
Go troll on 4chan., [removed], I have done all I can for 13 years. in the end all my reports to social services were used as evidence against me as were any reports I made based on incidents my child told me happened at his mothers home...
All over the world family court systems are bias and fubared., Thank you so much for trying to give constructive advice., lol I’m not. I just logged on for the first time since I replied to your comment yesterday when you were racist, weirdo. You have A LOT to unpack here…, Don't know the laws wherever you are but, if there is a 50/50 agreement like you said I would take it to court and get your half of the custody that was agreed upon., This is way above Reddit’s pay grade, and you honestly sound like you have some negative feelings about the Mom more so than your sons issues, so this way out of our scope. In my state kids can choose what parent they want to be with at 13. Not sure about other countries laws. Also truancy is a thing, if he was skipping school a lot the school would inform the police.
I don’t wanna know the details because divorce is always *he said she said*, but if what you’re saying is true you need to go back to court and get it sorted in front of judge., Why not go for 100% custody?
We’re only getting your side of the story, but from what your saying his mother is practically leaving the child neglected.
Taking the kid to appointments (likely just to get the funding or to self vent herself) isn’t parenting or autism care.
If the child isn’t meeting basic milestones, attending school on a regular basis or getting proper care. You actually have a responsibility as a father & right to take the child into full care.
Again, this is only based on your side of the story. But from what you are saying, your child would actually be better off removed from the mother.
Realistically you should have done something years ago. But better now then never., You have 50/50 custody. You have to get the legal systems involved to enforce your visitation. There isn't anything you can do if you don't see your kid. I do not think video games will cause a kid to regress in reading skills to the point he can no longer read(most video games require some reading skills too). Maybe he just doesn't want to read. Or since he relies on autocorrect to type a text... he could be dyslexic as well, it's a common learning disability that coexists with ASD. Trying to get a kid with a language based learning disability to learn not one but two written languages would be beyond torture and definitely cause them to rebel against your attempts. We are only getting one side of this story here so the best you can do is gather information from his doctors, teachers, therapists ect because you legally have 50/50 custody and go to the courts to enforce proper care or prove that she's an unfit mother., why are you sending me harrassing personal messages??t
Go troll on 4chan., [removed], I have done all I can for 13 years. in the end all my reports to social services were used as evidence against me as were any reports I made based on incidents my child told me happened at his mothers home...
All over the world family court systems are bias and fubared., Thank you so much for trying to give constructive advice., lol I’m not. I just logged on for the first time since I replied to your comment yesterday when you were racist, weirdo. You have A LOT to unpack here…, Don't know the laws wherever you are but, if there is a 50/50 agreement like you said I would take it to court and get your half of the custody that was agreed upon., This is way above Reddit’s pay grade, and you honestly sound like you have some negative feelings about the Mom more so than your sons issues, so this way out of our scope. In my state kids can choose what parent they want to be with at 13. Not sure about other countries laws. Also truancy is a thing, if he was skipping school a lot the school would inform the police.
I don’t wanna know the details because divorce is always *he said she said*, but if what you’re saying is true you need to go back to court and get it sorted in front of judge., Why not go for 100% custody?
We’re only getting your side of the story, but from what your saying his mother is practically leaving the child neglected.
Taking the kid to appointments (likely just to get the funding or to self vent herself) isn’t parenting or autism care.
If the child isn’t meeting basic milestones, attending school on a regular basis or getting proper care. You actually have a responsibility as a father & right to take the child into full care.
Again, this is only based on your side of the story. But from what you are saying, your child would actually be better off removed from the mother.
Realistically you should have done something years ago. But better now then never., You have 50/50 custody. You have to get the legal systems involved to enforce your visitation. There isn't anything you can do if you don't see your kid. I do not think video games will cause a kid to regress in reading skills to the point he can no longer read(most video games require some reading skills too). Maybe he just doesn't want to read. Or since he relies on autocorrect to type a text... he could be dyslexic as well, it's a common learning disability that coexists with ASD. Trying to get a kid with a language based learning disability to learn not one but two written languages would be beyond torture and definitely cause them to rebel against your attempts. We are only getting one side of this story here so the best you can do is gather information from his doctors, teachers, therapists ect because you legally have 50/50 custody and go to the courts to enforce proper care or prove that she's an unfit mother., why are you sending me harrassing personal messages??t
Go troll on 4chan., [removed], I have done all I can for 13 years. in the end all my reports to social services were used as evidence against me as were any reports I made based on incidents my child told me happened at his mothers home...
All over the world family court systems are bias and fubared., Thank you so much for trying to give constructive advice., lol I’m not. I just logged on for the first time since I replied to your comment yesterday when you were racist, weirdo. You have A LOT to unpack here…, Don't know the laws wherever you are but, if there is a 50/50 agreement like you said I would take it to court and get your half of the custody that was agreed upon., This is way above Reddit’s pay grade, and you honestly sound like you have some negative feelings about the Mom more so than your sons issues, so this way out of our scope. In my state kids can choose what parent they want to be with at 13. Not sure about other countries laws. Also truancy is a thing, if he was skipping school a lot the school would inform the police.
I don’t wanna know the details because divorce is always *he said she said*, but if what you’re saying is true you need to go back to court and get it sorted in front of judge., Why not go for 100% custody?
We’re only getting your side of the story, but from what your saying his mother is practically leaving the child neglected.
Taking the kid to appointments (likely just to get the funding or to self vent herself) isn’t parenting or autism care.
If the child isn’t meeting basic milestones, attending school on a regular basis or getting proper care. You actually have a responsibility as a father & right to take the child into full care.
Again, this is only based on your side of the story. But from what you are saying, your child would actually be better off removed from the mother.
Realistically you should have done something years ago. But better now then never., You have 50/50 custody. You have to get the legal systems involved to enforce your visitation. There isn't anything you can do if you don't see your kid. I do not think video games will cause a kid to regress in reading skills to the point he can no longer read(most video games require some reading skills too). Maybe he just doesn't want to read. Or since he relies on autocorrect to type a text... he could be dyslexic as well, it's a common learning disability that coexists with ASD. Trying to get a kid with a language based learning disability to learn not one but two written languages would be beyond torture and definitely cause them to rebel against your attempts. We are only getting one side of this story here so the best you can do is gather information from his doctors, teachers, therapists ect because you legally have 50/50 custody and go to the courts to enforce proper care or prove that she's an unfit mother., why are you sending me harrassing personal messages??t
Go troll on 4chan., [removed], I have done all I can for 13 years. in the end all my reports to social services were used as evidence against me as were any reports I made based on incidents my child told me happened at his mothers home...
All over the world family court systems are bias and fubared., Thank you so much for trying to give constructive advice., lol I’m not. I just logged on for the first time since I replied to your comment yesterday when you were racist, weirdo. You have A LOT to unpack here…
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Viral ear infection 😫
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Hi all, any advice on how to help my 4 Yr old feel better? He's non verbal and doesn't really understand that medicine makes him feel better, so he won't take calpol/ibuprofen. Dr won't prescribe anything unless it gets worse but there must be something that helps with the pain, any ideas?
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Chewable pain reliever mixed in apple sauce or jam? My girl never wanted to take meds either and weirdly liquids were the worst for her. I could mash it up like that. She didn’t love it, but she would take it.
Good luck, I hope he feels better soon!, This is they way! Chewables are so much easier to hide in things. I put them in my sons juice. If that doesn't work your could go the suppository route but I would do that as a last resort., That's a brilliant idea thank you so much!, I'll try it! But actually I hadn't even considered suppositories, at least now I can add that to my list of options if we ever need it, thanks!, Chewable pain reliever mixed in apple sauce or jam? My girl never wanted to take meds either and weirdly liquids were the worst for her. I could mash it up like that. She didn’t love it, but she would take it.
Good luck, I hope he feels better soon!, This is they way! Chewables are so much easier to hide in things. I put them in my sons juice. If that doesn't work your could go the suppository route but I would do that as a last resort., That's a brilliant idea thank you so much!, I'll try it! But actually I hadn't even considered suppositories, at least now I can add that to my list of options if we ever need it, thanks!, Chewable pain reliever mixed in apple sauce or jam? My girl never wanted to take meds either and weirdly liquids were the worst for her. I could mash it up like that. She didn’t love it, but she would take it.
Good luck, I hope he feels better soon!, This is they way! Chewables are so much easier to hide in things. I put them in my sons juice. If that doesn't work your could go the suppository route but I would do that as a last resort., That's a brilliant idea thank you so much!, I'll try it! But actually I hadn't even considered suppositories, at least now I can add that to my list of options if we ever need it, thanks!, Chewable pain reliever mixed in apple sauce or jam? My girl never wanted to take meds either and weirdly liquids were the worst for her. I could mash it up like that. She didn’t love it, but she would take it.
Good luck, I hope he feels better soon!, This is they way! Chewables are so much easier to hide in things. I put them in my sons juice. If that doesn't work your could go the suppository route but I would do that as a last resort., That's a brilliant idea thank you so much!, I'll try it! But actually I hadn't even considered suppositories, at least now I can add that to my list of options if we ever need it, thanks!
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Virtual autism
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Hello,
I’ve recently heard about virtual autism. A type of ASD that develops from excessive screen time. Is this a really thing? Can it be reversed? I’m curious if I have damaged my child bc I do let him watch ms. Rachel. He’s very needy and it’s literally the only way I can get dressed in the morning or cook dinner. Also sometimes he wakes at 5 AM and if I am too tired to play I’ll just turn the tv on. I’m feeling guilty and worried so now I’m implementing a zero screen time policy in our home but I’m curious what information there is about this.
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Autism is a difference in a person’s neurology. You’re born with those differences. Screen time isn’t going to make your child autistic., This may be the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard on this sub., My son has autism and his ipad actually helps him to learn how to speak. So no, screens do not cause autism, it's most likely genetic. And ipads can be very helpful if used wisely 🙂, I did see this on TikTok too from a “doctor” talking about it. However, take advice from online doctors with a grain of salt. You might be more interested in looking into actual articles/studies done on how autistic kids seem to regulate and learn from screen time. Hence, autistic kids may be getting more screen time than neurotypical kids at the same age but it doesn’t mean that caused autism or is causing “virtual autism”. Correlations are not causations., TV doesn't cause autism. If it makes you feel better, my autistic son never watched TV prior to his diagnosis. We're still a very "low screen time" family for other reasons which works well for us, but yeah please don't feel guilty about this!, Virtual autism is a load of crap. Excessive screen time does impact attention and regulation in the short term and takes away from the time available to interact with others and do unstructured play, which can delay social skills, but it doesn't cause autism.
Miss Rachel is EXCELLENT and you can both learn so much from her! Miss Rachel is the highest quality children's programming available and it is not AT ALL the same thing as cocomelon or paw patrol. As far as i know, no one has studied the impact of specifically watching Miss Rachel, but anecdotally, a lot of kids learn a bunch of language from watching her, especially if the parent is watching with them and then copying the techniques Miss Rachel models irl. Not all shows are created equal. Bluey is another really high quality show. My daughter learned a ton of plays kills and started engaging in cooperative play with peers right after going through an intense bluey phase., You’ve been grossly misinformed. Tv isn’t a cause to autism. My autistic child does watch a lot of tv and plays games but he was autistic before we allowed as much. The first two years he didn’t get much tv unless we were traveling. Now, my second kid is not autistic and I was wayyy more lax about the tv during his first two years and he doesn’t have autism., This sounds like something your crazy aunt Gertrude would post on Facebook. The theory, not your asking about it., Calling it virtual autism (not to you OP but to whoever coined the term) feels like it’s echoing back to the autism speaks days where they’d make us feel afraid and like autism is a boogieman.
Sometimes we need to shower, or eat, or make snacks for our kids, and that’s what distractors like screens are for., Excuse me while I stop laughing.
Seriously though, talk to your pediatrician if you have concerns about your kid being autistic., No it’s not a thing., "Virtual autism" is not really autism, but it isn't fake either (well we're still figuring that out). No, phones do not give your kid autism, but it's the idea that too much screen time and limited social interaction during crucial phases of development can lead to autism-like symptoms, like speech delays, hyperactivity, and trouble communicating. Those symptoms can easily be misdiagnosed as autism and lead you down the wrong rabbit hole.
This isn't some fringe Facebook thing, there is actual research around it, though it is emerging. Here is some relevant research and articles:
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5849631/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5849631/)
[https://www.autismparentingmagazine.com/children-virtual-autism/](https://www.autismparentingmagazine.com/children-virtual-autism/)
[https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-fallible-mind/202012/link-between-screen-exposure-and-autism-symptoms](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-fallible-mind/202012/link-between-screen-exposure-and-autism-symptoms), Psycho-social deprivation can make a child appear autistic when they're not. This is basically extreme neglect, giving the child very little social interaction or attention or affection.
Do you think this is what you're doing to your son?, I read a news story a couple days ago about a girl in the UK who was "gang-raped" in the metaverse (virtual reality) and the police are actually investigating it as a sex crime. I think virtual autism is on that level of ridiculousness, My oldest is autistic and has a lot of screen time, so obviously her little brother watches the tv too but he doesn’t have any signs of autism., My son might be a gestalt and both his slp and and his neurologist have said that if he is watching quality educational content, I should not be concerned about limiting screen time. He is an audio visual learner, I don’t think this is a thing…especially not from just a small amount of tv a day.,
I don't know if 'virtual autism' indeed is a thing or not, I know autism does exists (not triggered by screen time) I have a 17 months toddler that is behind his milestones (physical and social) my little one was having 8-10 hours daily of tv since he was 5 months old until 14 months old, this was my kid during that lapse of time :
- no response to his name being called ever
- no pointing, clapping, waving, nothing
- no words (he did babble since 5 months, still does)
- In his own world, didn't connect or engage with his surrounding or people
- avoided eye contact
- no socialization of any type with other kids or peers.
We cut screen time to maximum 2 hours daily, my kid started daycare at 14 months. This is my kid today :
- respond always to his name being called
- points to things he wants (with whole hand open instead of usign only the index finger), claps ocassionally, no waving yet, gives high5
- engage and connected with his surrounding and other people
- still babbles a lot (he have 3 words only mamá, papá, baby) the rest is just babbling (nana, baba, heya, etc)
- extremely social with adults, kids and babies
- likes to approach other kids or babies to play (parallel play) and shared play (when rolling a ball back and fort)
- good eye contact
So, did I see a change after reducing screen time? YES I did, but my kid still have red flags that looks like autism, like =
- doesn't play correctly with toys
- stimming (hand flaping / head shaking)
- still doesn't walk without assistance
- doesn't look where someone else is pointing at
So, even if my kid did get better in a short phase of time, he still is risked for autism. I don't have a diagnosed yet, but he have GDD which is very related to autism in the end., I don't know that a virtual autism exists but i can surely say that since we stopped the screens of our now 3.5 years old non verbal autistic son he is doing so much good that its unbelievable. He came out of his that schell in which he was always when he was watching screens. His eye contact is much more better now and he start copying us and also build a much stronger bound with his Cat. So in my opinion i think so we should give it a try. I was also a denier of that before., From the quick research, "Virtual Autism" is best described as "Autism-like symptoms from too much screen time" than actual autism., Exactly, that's why it is called "virtual" autism.
I think It's a great name for an reversible condition. Scares the parents, symptoms are similar so it really matches and it is easily undrestandable., They are looking for help. There was zero reason to be nasty., I’m sorry if I’ve caused any offense. Excuse my ignorance. This is a genuine concern of mine. I was just wondering if any parents here have also heard about this. But absolutely this could be complete garbage and I hope that it is., Are there certain apps or things you felt best helped your son learn to speak on the iPad? My son is 3 years old and says 4 words. He's in speech but I don't feel it helped much., this is about "virtual" autism. which is not real autism, its autism like condition caused by too much screen time and too little real interactions.
only thing it has to do with actual autism is the similar symptoms, except with "virtual" autism the symptoms will fade away when reducing screen time and spending proper time with your kid.
So you got it all wrong.
it annoys me that you guys dont even read what you are commenting on, thats why it is called virtual autism.
something that is virtual, is not real. Reversable condition with autism like symptoms.
stop crying.
I get it, your kid has real autism blabla.
Mine had virtual, No definitely not. I am conscious of screen time and resort to it as a means to get things done bc like I said my son is very attached/high needs. It’s the only way I can get basic tasks done. I spend lots of time everyday playing with him in his own world (I will roll down hills with him or spin the lazy Susan with him, whatever he’s doing.) We sleep together and take baths together (literally I am in the bath, he’s a toddler still) everyday. So I think he gets attention, he just sucks the life out of me and I need some breaks., I mean, there's something to be said for prosecuting harassment., [deleted], No, that one seems valid., Wow that’s really interesting…not sure what to think but I suppose it’s just best to limit tv to small amounts for development in general (nothing to do with ASD.) TY best wishes. Sounds like your kids doings a lot of great things!, My toddler sounds similar to yours and we cut out screen time maybe we give 30mins- 1hr a day some days because she just loves ms Rachel and gets really happy. We did see some improvements over the month. She’s almost 18 months and starting daycare next month. Would you say daycare helped her more or just less screen time?, I know. And my quick Google search also seems to say such symptoms are reversible. We all know you can’t change an autistic brain. What I’ve read basically describes kids being less social and more overstimulating when they get too much screen time. None of that sounds groundbreaking to me… it just sounds like someone wanted to give a name to something that’s a known issue with too much screen time. I’m sure the prevalence has increased since 2020 since the world changed a lot then and someone felt the need to label it. Honestly it’s kind of ridiculous in my mind., Following typical naming conventions, seems like “screen induced pseudo-autism“ would be a better name than virtual autism., Is there a need to use the same term tho? I've always been told that autism is not caused by anything, it's just how people develop. This "virtual autism" is just adding confusion and stigma to the condition, as if there's not enough confusion and stigma to begin with.
It's like putting sadness and depression in the same category because they look the same "☹️" when it's really not., Thanks for looking into this, Or it could also be called “virtual” because of the over exposure to screens. The terminology is quite poor. Either way, it’s a disservice to actually autistic individuals to imply that any type of autism can be reversed/fixed., Don't worry about it. Posters here get offended way too easily here if you even remotely suggest the onus Is in them in any way., I'm sorry, English is not my native language so I can't recommend anything specific. He watches youtube and memorizes phrases from his favourite shows and we also downloaded random top-rated apps for early development of NT toddlers. There were some that he loved so we bought full versions., I follow you, but I was reading this as the poster has a child with diagnosed ASD (not "virtual" autism) being that they posted in this group, and was wondering about TV and their child's ASD., this is a bizarre comment. Naming a phenomenon "virtual autism" is misleading and fear mongering.
I'm sorry your kid was so severely impacted by screen time. Did they receive an autism diagnosis before you cut down on screens?, I think it sounds as if you're being a great parent. And I think using screen time to get things done isn't harmful, especially as you can mix in some educational programmes with entertainment. My son learnt lots from television. Letting a child watch TV certainly can't make them autistic and it can't even give them issues that mimic autism unless they get virtually no other stimulation at all., Wow…I don’t know what to even say to this., Thanks.
I hope for the best too, I know tablets and phones can help autism kids to develop in speech or other things, but after what I saw (my little one was a walking zombie and now at least he is aware things exists) so yeah I can advocate for very small babies to reduce screen time or have no screen time at all., Hello.
I'm glad you saw improvement on your toddler over the month. 🙂 Unfortunately I can't point out if only reducing tv screen time did the trick or if daycare alone is the one who did the trick, since when we decide to reduce tv screen time my kid also joined daycare too, so maybe both did the trick or just one, but regardless which one was, I can surely tell my kid have develop a lot socially and is like a different kid than how he was 4 months ago (he started to point stuff he wants/interested in, he started to babble a lot daily when before he used to babble randomly and could go weeks without saying a sound), so daycare won't hurt it will help in your case too., Yes you put this into words very well. Probably this is correct, Thank you :-)
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Vitamins that help with Aggressive behavior?
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Hello,
My daughters meltdowns have been getting more aggressive. She’s been on guafacine for about 7 weeks, haven’t noticed any major differences. She’s age 7 and trying to hit teachers when she’s told not to do something. She’s semi- verbal.
I’m really trying to avoid medications like risperidone or ambilify. Has anyone had any success with vitamin supplements with aggression?
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There are no reputable studies supporting meltdown reduction by dietary supplements that I am aware of., Not much experience with the vitamin supplements, but wanted to suggest that it could be the guanfacine that is causing it, this is one of the underreported side effects. Our son was on it for a few months this past summer and his aggression increased exponentially. We took him off and it is has reduced somewhat., Omega 3 helped a lot but you have to give a lot—1000mg. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33599431/, I have noticed my 4 year old son's aggressiveness and violent meltdowns have been reduced and don't last as long when I give him .25mg of cbd oil in the morning. His pediatrician and teachers are all on board with me that there is a difference., NAC. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7025748/, Respeirdone helped my kid along with Prozac, Ah, that’s what I figured. Thank you., Yeah, this aggression has been within a month so I’m suspecting it’s the guanfacine. Did you you have to slowly decrease him from the meds or did you stop cold Turkey?, Agreement here. Similar scenario with my son, and we weaned off at the same rate we went up., Are you still using this? I've used so many psych meds.. now my son is having bad side effects and one that was working looks like it's dropping of and not working. I am so stressed because his meltdowns are what make life really hard/could get him kicked out of his school and I found him a really going ASD school and while they handle some behaviors.. he won't be able to stay there with tons of meltdowns and aggressive outbursts.. I know there's something going on on a serotonin/dopamine level.. and we are def gaba deficient but he's ok-ish now (he has Depakote).
I am likely definitely going to have to get him off Risperdal immediately though.. Kills me.. just got him to a really stable place :(
Does this make him drowsy? Is he still able to focus? What brand is it? Can you PM me link?, I’ve heard good things about cbd. We may have to try it., Precisely this - we cleared CBD with his pediatrician but he usually won’t take it, he’s big on demand avoidance and refusing., We weaned off for around a week and then stopped. As u/Trifecta_life noted, there was residual aggression that took a few weeks to clear out and some has remained. The hours long meltdowns stopped though. We were at the point where we had to remove anything that could be thrown from his room because he was throwing anything he could get his hands on., Adding we’re still having issues 2 months later, but my fingers are crossed it’s clearing out based on the last week or so., Yes, I'm still using it. It's such a small dose none of us have seen him drowsy, and it helps him focus better because he is calmer. It's Gold Bee CBD oil. He also sometimes will eat a quarter gummy of CBD fx brand mixed berry instead., Maybe he would take the gummies?, Thank you. Ugh I’m so sick of medications that are supposed to help but make it worse. I’m just trying to help my kid 😣, Yeah, since the aggressive behavior only started around 1 month ago I’m thinking the cause is guanfacine. Thanks for your input. Im done with medications for a while. They never help my daughter or make her a zombie. What gives 😞, We discussed it and may try it! I usually buy from Purekana, is there a brand you prefer?, We’ve used Joy Organics. I’ll into that brand!
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Vocal Stimming
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Hello,
I have a 3yr old boy who is diagnosed with level 3 autism.
I noticed that my son has started making more noises, which I suspect is vocal stimming. It's mix of babbling, groaning, loud monotone sounds, and high pitch sounds. As far as I know, he does this only at home.
Is this something that I should discourage him from doing so? Or is it something that I should allow until he's ready?
I'm also concerned that he became far less verbal (used to speak 4-5 words, no barely 2 words). Could continued voval stimming cause him to regress in speech?
Thank you
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Mine is also 3 and vocal stims basically non stop. Never stop them from stimming unless it’s violent or dangerous. It’s how they regulate themselves., Vocal stimming is very common and they grow out of it and it changes and develops. I would not stop him from doing this. Vocal stimming will not cause regression. He’s most likely trying to recalibrate and soothe himself or control the sounds in the room (like if there’s a song playing he doesn’t like or someone talking). If the is not harmful I do not redirect as redirecting sometimes leads to a new worse stim., Thank you for the explanation!, I see, thank you for the advice., Mine is also 3 and vocal stims basically non stop. Never stop them from stimming unless it’s violent or dangerous. It’s how they regulate themselves., Vocal stimming is very common and they grow out of it and it changes and develops. I would not stop him from doing this. Vocal stimming will not cause regression. He’s most likely trying to recalibrate and soothe himself or control the sounds in the room (like if there’s a song playing he doesn’t like or someone talking). If the is not harmful I do not redirect as redirecting sometimes leads to a new worse stim., Thank you for the explanation!, I see, thank you for the advice., Mine is also 3 and vocal stims basically non stop. Never stop them from stimming unless it’s violent or dangerous. It’s how they regulate themselves., Vocal stimming is very common and they grow out of it and it changes and develops. I would not stop him from doing this. Vocal stimming will not cause regression. He’s most likely trying to recalibrate and soothe himself or control the sounds in the room (like if there’s a song playing he doesn’t like or someone talking). If the is not harmful I do not redirect as redirecting sometimes leads to a new worse stim., Thank you for the explanation!, I see, thank you for the advice., Mine is also 3 and vocal stims basically non stop. Never stop them from stimming unless it’s violent or dangerous. It’s how they regulate themselves., Vocal stimming is very common and they grow out of it and it changes and develops. I would not stop him from doing this. Vocal stimming will not cause regression. He’s most likely trying to recalibrate and soothe himself or control the sounds in the room (like if there’s a song playing he doesn’t like or someone talking). If the is not harmful I do not redirect as redirecting sometimes leads to a new worse stim., Thank you for the explanation!, I see, thank you for the advice.
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Vocal stimming or preverbal?
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My 3 year old son has been babbling a lot more lately and does a long E sound here and there. Is this a sign of regression or a sign of language to come? Thanks and I would love to hear your stories regarding this subject.
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Could be both. My son vocally stims but is also displaying amazing pre verbal skills - , Could be both. My son vocally stims but is also displaying amazing pre verbal skills - , Could be both. My son vocally stims but is also displaying amazing pre verbal skills - , Could be both. My son vocally stims but is also displaying amazing pre verbal skills -
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Wanting to get a job with my kid’s school district. Advice appreciated!!
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Hi all, I am a mom of 7 year old twin boys who are both on the spectrum. I am wanting to get a job with their school district to help make our schedule easier with school breaks, etc. There are different jobs posted on their website such as ABA (I do have my ABA certification), safety monitor, nutrition services, etc. I don’t care so much as to what job I get, as much as working for the district in general. Any tips on how to go about this? I thought it might look weird to apply to each individual job. Thank you!
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Perhaps you can get a job working with the littles as an educational assistant. Currently obtaining my CDA to be able to do the same., Just apply to everything you are interested in as long as it is the schedule you are looking for. It won't look weird, it will look like you want employment. I just retired from my district after 20 years as a paraeducator. It was a decent job that allowed me to have a schedule similar to my children's., Cafeteria jobs are usually the easiest to get(and free lunch!). The district website should have somewhere to apply. If you have the time you can volunteer for a few weeks or months then ask around., I would just apply to any job you would be interested in working at. I am a Para for the school district, but I refuse to work at the same school as my child. I have discussed with other teachers that if you work at the same school, they tend to try to get you to deal with your kids' behavior while you are working. I also want my son to be independent from me and not have mom come fix everything. I like having the same days off as my son and not having to worry about childcare., No advice. But love this idea. I have 2.5 year old twin boys both on the spectrum and it’s been a lot to navigate with twins. So I just wanted to say HI, Perhaps you can get a job working with the littles as an educational assistant. Currently obtaining my CDA to be able to do the same., Just apply to everything you are interested in as long as it is the schedule you are looking for. It won't look weird, it will look like you want employment. I just retired from my district after 20 years as a paraeducator. It was a decent job that allowed me to have a schedule similar to my children's., Cafeteria jobs are usually the easiest to get(and free lunch!). The district website should have somewhere to apply. If you have the time you can volunteer for a few weeks or months then ask around., I would just apply to any job you would be interested in working at. I am a Para for the school district, but I refuse to work at the same school as my child. I have discussed with other teachers that if you work at the same school, they tend to try to get you to deal with your kids' behavior while you are working. I also want my son to be independent from me and not have mom come fix everything. I like having the same days off as my son and not having to worry about childcare., No advice. But love this idea. I have 2.5 year old twin boys both on the spectrum and it’s been a lot to navigate with twins. So I just wanted to say HI, Perhaps you can get a job working with the littles as an educational assistant. Currently obtaining my CDA to be able to do the same., Just apply to everything you are interested in as long as it is the schedule you are looking for. It won't look weird, it will look like you want employment. I just retired from my district after 20 years as a paraeducator. It was a decent job that allowed me to have a schedule similar to my children's., Cafeteria jobs are usually the easiest to get(and free lunch!). The district website should have somewhere to apply. If you have the time you can volunteer for a few weeks or months then ask around., I would just apply to any job you would be interested in working at. I am a Para for the school district, but I refuse to work at the same school as my child. I have discussed with other teachers that if you work at the same school, they tend to try to get you to deal with your kids' behavior while you are working. I also want my son to be independent from me and not have mom come fix everything. I like having the same days off as my son and not having to worry about childcare., No advice. But love this idea. I have 2.5 year old twin boys both on the spectrum and it’s been a lot to navigate with twins. So I just wanted to say HI, Perhaps you can get a job working with the littles as an educational assistant. Currently obtaining my CDA to be able to do the same., Just apply to everything you are interested in as long as it is the schedule you are looking for. It won't look weird, it will look like you want employment. I just retired from my district after 20 years as a paraeducator. It was a decent job that allowed me to have a schedule similar to my children's., Cafeteria jobs are usually the easiest to get(and free lunch!). The district website should have somewhere to apply. If you have the time you can volunteer for a few weeks or months then ask around., I would just apply to any job you would be interested in working at. I am a Para for the school district, but I refuse to work at the same school as my child. I have discussed with other teachers that if you work at the same school, they tend to try to get you to deal with your kids' behavior while you are working. I also want my son to be independent from me and not have mom come fix everything. I like having the same days off as my son and not having to worry about childcare., No advice. But love this idea. I have 2.5 year old twin boys both on the spectrum and it’s been a lot to navigate with twins. So I just wanted to say HI
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Water Bottles?
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My daughter has a habit of pouring out juice all over herself. Has anyone found any bottles for juice that are genuinely non spill and not "non spill if you're not deliberately trying to spill it" that's also easy to use. She's never been able to get the hang of the ones that don't have an obvious spout (like the munchkin ones)
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Have you tried straw cups? It’s the only way I can get my son to not immediately pour it all over the floor., Oxo tot straw cups, When she's at the table she will drink out of a cup and it's a 50/50 as to whether she drinks it or tips it out. We've been giving her bottles with straws in for when she's not at the table and she just tips them over and lets them slowly dribble out. We normally notice before it's too bad but if we don't notice we end up with a big mess to clean up. Part of me wondering if it's a sensory need that's not being met but I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do about it. So far, everything we've tried with her she's eventually found away to pour it over herself, I use the non spill straw cups like Munchkin or contigo., Have you tried straw cups? It’s the only way I can get my son to not immediately pour it all over the floor., Oxo tot straw cups, When she's at the table she will drink out of a cup and it's a 50/50 as to whether she drinks it or tips it out. We've been giving her bottles with straws in for when she's not at the table and she just tips them over and lets them slowly dribble out. We normally notice before it's too bad but if we don't notice we end up with a big mess to clean up. Part of me wondering if it's a sensory need that's not being met but I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do about it. So far, everything we've tried with her she's eventually found away to pour it over herself, I use the non spill straw cups like Munchkin or contigo., Have you tried straw cups? It’s the only way I can get my son to not immediately pour it all over the floor., Oxo tot straw cups, When she's at the table she will drink out of a cup and it's a 50/50 as to whether she drinks it or tips it out. We've been giving her bottles with straws in for when she's not at the table and she just tips them over and lets them slowly dribble out. We normally notice before it's too bad but if we don't notice we end up with a big mess to clean up. Part of me wondering if it's a sensory need that's not being met but I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do about it. So far, everything we've tried with her she's eventually found away to pour it over herself, I use the non spill straw cups like Munchkin or contigo., We use the hardcore contigo cups with straws. The plastic and metal ones work equally well. Not cheap so I keep an eye out at the thrift stores for extras when i can. They can tip over just fine. Gotta watch out for mold in the lid under the silicone., Have you tried straw cups? It’s the only way I can get my son to not immediately pour it all over the floor., Oxo tot straw cups, When she's at the table she will drink out of a cup and it's a 50/50 as to whether she drinks it or tips it out. We've been giving her bottles with straws in for when she's not at the table and she just tips them over and lets them slowly dribble out. We normally notice before it's too bad but if we don't notice we end up with a big mess to clean up. Part of me wondering if it's a sensory need that's not being met but I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do about it. So far, everything we've tried with her she's eventually found away to pour it over herself, I use the non spill straw cups like Munchkin or contigo., Have you tried straw cups? It’s the only way I can get my son to not immediately pour it all over the floor., Oxo tot straw cups, When she's at the table she will drink out of a cup and it's a 50/50 as to whether she drinks it or tips it out. We've been giving her bottles with straws in for when she's not at the table and she just tips them over and lets them slowly dribble out. We normally notice before it's too bad but if we don't notice we end up with a big mess to clean up. Part of me wondering if it's a sensory need that's not being met but I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do about it. So far, everything we've tried with her she's eventually found away to pour it over herself, I use the non spill straw cups like Munchkin or contigo., Have you tried straw cups? It’s the only way I can get my son to not immediately pour it all over the floor., Oxo tot straw cups, When she's at the table she will drink out of a cup and it's a 50/50 as to whether she drinks it or tips it out. We've been giving her bottles with straws in for when she's not at the table and she just tips them over and lets them slowly dribble out. We normally notice before it's too bad but if we don't notice we end up with a big mess to clean up. Part of me wondering if it's a sensory need that's not being met but I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do about it. So far, everything we've tried with her she's eventually found away to pour it over herself, I use the non spill straw cups like Munchkin or contigo., We use the hardcore contigo cups with straws. The plastic and metal ones work equally well. Not cheap so I keep an eye out at the thrift stores for extras when i can. They can tip over just fine. Gotta watch out for mold in the lid under the silicone., Have you tried straw cups? It’s the only way I can get my son to not immediately pour it all over the floor., Oxo tot straw cups, When she's at the table she will drink out of a cup and it's a 50/50 as to whether she drinks it or tips it out. We've been giving her bottles with straws in for when she's not at the table and she just tips them over and lets them slowly dribble out. We normally notice before it's too bad but if we don't notice we end up with a big mess to clean up. Part of me wondering if it's a sensory need that's not being met but I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do about it. So far, everything we've tried with her she's eventually found away to pour it over herself, I use the non spill straw cups like Munchkin or contigo., Have you tried straw cups? It’s the only way I can get my son to not immediately pour it all over the floor., Oxo tot straw cups, When she's at the table she will drink out of a cup and it's a 50/50 as to whether she drinks it or tips it out. We've been giving her bottles with straws in for when she's not at the table and she just tips them over and lets them slowly dribble out. We normally notice before it's too bad but if we don't notice we end up with a big mess to clean up. Part of me wondering if it's a sensory need that's not being met but I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do about it. So far, everything we've tried with her she's eventually found away to pour it over herself, I use the non spill straw cups like Munchkin or contigo., Have you tried straw cups? It’s the only way I can get my son to not immediately pour it all over the floor., Oxo tot straw cups, When she's at the table she will drink out of a cup and it's a 50/50 as to whether she drinks it or tips it out. We've been giving her bottles with straws in for when she's not at the table and she just tips them over and lets them slowly dribble out. We normally notice before it's too bad but if we don't notice we end up with a big mess to clean up. Part of me wondering if it's a sensory need that's not being met but I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do about it. So far, everything we've tried with her she's eventually found away to pour it over herself, I use the non spill straw cups like Munchkin or contigo., We use the hardcore contigo cups with straws. The plastic and metal ones work equally well. Not cheap so I keep an eye out at the thrift stores for extras when i can. They can tip over just fine. Gotta watch out for mold in the lid under the silicone.
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We can’t have nice things
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Being an autistic mom is so difficult. My little is turning 6 in May and can I just tell you how exhausted I am?! Between work, her school and negotiating services and therapies, lack of potty training, and her inability to follow any kind of direction I’m just at a loss.
My little loves watching videos and shorts on repeat. She will watch the same five second spiel back to back fifty times before growing tired of it. She’s completely nonverbal and doesn’t respond to any kind of direction or communication. She’s fearless and reckless and loves to elope when she gets the chance. She only eats comfort foods which includes chips that she spills and leaves all over the house.
If she’s left unattended she gets into everything and child locks don’t deter her. One of her biggest goals is watching for when we leave the fridge unlocked so she can get all my eggs out of the fridge and TOSS THEM EVERYWHERE. She even flushed my engagement ring down the toilet. So needless to say, we don’t leave her unattended. But sometimes she wakes up in the middle of the night and wrecks the whole house. So we’re in the process of making a soft room to lock her in at night.
I hate this and it’s so hard. I feel like I can’t reach her. I can’t teach her. I can’t do this. I have two neurotypical kids and the comparison between them is night and day. I tell myself I was meant for her. That no one can do this better than me. But it’s so hard. I love her so much and I would do anything for her but at the same time I can’t buy a bottle of lotion without knowing she’s going to get into it eventually and make a mess.
All this considered: I wouldn’t change a thing. Because she needs someone who loves her unconditionally and gives her the space to be herself. At least I can do that.
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[deleted], I just want to tell you you’re not alone…. I just finished sobbing because my daughter won’t stop screaming today… all I want is to have one person I can call to come over for an hour so I can decompress. I have no one. My husband works all the time and I can’t work at all because no one will take my daughter on. I have a NT son too and one on the way. Idk how I’m going to be able to keep doing this all alone…, Have you tried a Cubby Bed? They are enclosed and monitored so she can safely stay in bed without having to lock the room at night. They are also covered by some insurances and Medicaid if you’re in the US!, WOW!! 😲 🤯 This all sounds SOOOOO similar to my little guy!! He's 4, level 3, completely nonverbal, not potty trained, only eats maybe 3 different foods EVER, watches 5 second snippets for hours... I got soooooo tired of hearing the Scooby Doo theme song when that phase was happening. Chips and orange greasy streaks end up everywhere as his favorites are BBQ chips and Doritos... couldn't like plain chips!! Heaven forbid!! 🙄🤦 Actually as I was reading I just kept shaking my head and saying "yep... Uh-huh... That too!" And as soon as I saw "fridge", my immediate thought was "EGGS", and I'll be damned you have the EXACT same issue. I thought I was the only one cleaning up inordinate amounts of raw egg from my fridge, floor, walls, counters, table, cat, coffee pot, kiddo... You name it. I do agree with you tho... YOU ARE EXACTLY the right person for your little one!! No one else can love, care for, nurture, understand, or connect with her like YOU CAN! You are "Mama"! I know this is all so terribly hard. It sounds like our littles have a LOT in common, so I can totally sympathize with you. I don't have a lot of good advice. I struggle with it all every single day like you and so many of us do. But one small thing that has helped me get thru those really rough days, hours, minutes, etc is for me to make a conscious effort to focus on the GOOD. For example... Yes, he has incredible mental health problems, but he is physically healthy. Or he is an amazing problem solver and very determined. Or I have heard that many autistic people don't like a lot of close physical contact. But my guy... Oh my!! He is SUCH A HUGE cuddle-bug!! It's damned hard!! Some days worse than others, but reminding myself to have gratitude, not only for these things, but life in general, has helped me with my mental health quite a bit. And, if you struggle, maybe everytime you have a little success or she tries something new or she does one of those things that just makes you smile, write it down in a little notebook. It doesn't have to be "big" things... Just anything that is positive for either of you. Then, when you're in the midst of one the more trying and exhausting moments, refer back to that notebook. Hopefully it will make you smile all over again and ease some of the more painful emotions. Good luck and just remember that, if nothing else, you are NOT AT ALL alone!! 🤗🙂, CHIPS- MOTHERFUCKING EVERYWHERE. CHIIIIIIIIIPS 🫠 naked chip loving goblin and mom over here just living in harmony with our dorito shards 🙋♀️, My LO is 16, and we are at the point that we only gave 2 fold out camping style chairs and a 10 dollar floor lamp from Walmart. I get it. Please don't feel bad about protecting your LO and your peace. It's ok. Our kiddos need different approaches., Can you put a door alarm on her bedroom door so that if she leaves her room in the middle of the night it will wake you up? We have a simple plastic latch ( the kind you get for cats) and the baby monitor and that works for us. At some point you are going to have to figure out a way to stop her from doing some of these things. If you don't want her in the fridge, block access with your body and move her away while telling her in a firm voice NO. With enough repetition she WILL learn. It will be painful and there will be meltdowns but you have to help her learn what is appropriate and what is not before she gets too big for you to handle. My kid is the same way but she is learning. She is using a device to ask for what she needs and she is learning THAT is how she gets what she wants. She gets praise and hugs for doing the right thing. Sometimes she needs reminders. I don't yell at her but a "hey, what are you doing!?!" In a louder than normal tone and she will usually stop and head elsewhere. " Go get your words" is another way to remind her that she can ask for something. She is mostly not tantruming anymore when I say no to something. It is nice for us and for her to not have so many battles everyday. In the beginning it really felt like OMG I can't do this again, and now I mostly don't have to. She still can't be left alone and that is totally exhausting, but at least it is getting better. I think we are vastly underestimating her competency level for most things., 🫂 you are doing a great job., Same
It’s very hard to wrap your mind around their life.
But when you do, and it makes a difference? More rewarding than ivy league college grad parenting imo, My 7 year old ripped the door off the kitchen cupboard today. Yay. She’s sick and sad and is too adorable sniffling so I can’t even be annoyed at her recklessness., Totally relate to the feeling of not being able to reach them. My son is 3.5 and sometimes I feel like he is trapped in his own mind., Omg I have 3 kids and my two youngest are asd boys. My older one was obsessed with crushing eggs everywhere. It was such a nightmare to clean up. He finally stopped doing it and then my youngest started doing it. I have no idea what they loved about it so much but it made them so happy. I almost think they liked it cause it was kinda like tossing a water ballon. I didn’t know what to do he took any opportunity to do it. Finally k was like hay you want to cook eggs. I heated up a pan and asked him how many eggs he wanted. He said two. I let him crack two into the pan and he was so excited. He watched them cook and ever since he stopped doing it. It’s been well over a year 🙏🏼, It sounds like I'm reading about my son haha I wouldn't change him personally for anyone else but I'd love it if he would eat sitting down , I literally have to walk around him with the dustpan when he eats and not one room is safe . He also hates plates and will tip all of them upside down with all the food on. I can't remember what a clean house looks likes but I have mastered the art of not hearing YouTube anymore 😂, My daughter is 6.5, literally 1 month before her 6th birthday she decided she was done with nappies and has not had an accident day or night since. It was nothing I did, she just decided it was time.
That said, she is likely ADHD too, CAHMS aren't taking on any further caseload at the moment so we need to wait. She is a massive sensory seeker, and while she is not deliberately malicious she damages so many things. She is an utter mischievous whirlwind, who is also drawn to eggs! Her autistic side and need for order and control is in direct competition with her impulsive, easily understimulated ADHD side.
To top it off she is demand avoidant too. It is utterly exhausting and she is aging me rapidly, she has a NT sibling who is now 20 and in comparison raising her to adulthood was an absolute breeze.
That said, she has had a speech explosion in the last year and while her language is functional, she is nowhere near conversational. Her sleep has improved and now she's in the best school to meet her needs she is starting to progress. Her development is currently at a plateau, but that's the nature of the beast; explosions of development which peak then plateau for a while before it repeats.
She is also the most loving little person who is exuberant and full of curiosity, any feelings are BIG feelings - if she is happy, she is super happy, consequently if she is angry, she's super angry.
I'm burnt out too, us carers often are, but I'll get through it just like you'll get through it. It doesn't feel like it but you are the best parent for your girl., This won't make you feel better but it might make you smile.
My 3 yo ASD daughter spread out her brother's Legos allllllllll over her bedroom floor then quietly crept into our bathroom and absconded with my husband's shaving cream. She then shut her door and sprayed the foam over the entire floor. It was unfortunately a full can.
This was during her "nap time" and I was busy homeschooling her older siblings downstairs.
I absolutely lost my mind cleaning up that mess, imagine how soapy the carpet was. I think I spent 4 hours trying to suck the foam out with the carpet cleaner.
And then the Legos has to be washed and air dried which created a whole other mess.
Sigh., Oh yes the paper shredding phase. I won’t say it goes away but it eases a bit. We call everything we have to constantly replace the Autism Tax., I’m so sorry you feel so alone. Have you looked into respite services? You may be eligible and it provides a break when you feel like you’re reaching that breaking point. It can be difficult to get through the application process but it’s worth it. Good luck to you friend., Im feeling this too. I wish we can all just give each other hugs and encouragement because no one else gets this but us, And far far more fire safe!!!, So many eggs in toddler content these days. People might call me crazy, but I know I've seen egg images spliced into scenes of Ms. Rachel. The Eggspiracy is real!!, Nothing really to add but solidarity my friend. Every morning at my house is a symphony whining and crying. Someomes I rallly, sometimes I die I little, sometimes I get chills from the sensory overload when it becomes too much for me and I want to implode. If only there was a place we could magically time warp to meet each other and decompress for a bit. I would bet we would feel less alone, instead of strangers behind our phones., This is such great advice and it’s so nice to hear someone can relate to what I’m going through. I’m definitely making a notebook, Yes, I forgot to mention how she refuses to keep clothes on! Such a battle and now that she’s getting older…. Ugh. We gotta hang in there, momma., Oh my! That sounds horrendous. I’m so sorry! I spent hours getting an entire brand new container worth of honey out of our couch once. We were literally unloading the groceries and she snatched it when we weren’t looking. You have to laugh or else you’ll cry!, Yes our YMCA offers respite care. Look into it,!, Right like im just imagining trying to get a bra on my child when she needs one when shes older… thats gonna be an adventure in agony for everyone involved. I have seriously considered longwear body paint as an alternative to clothing 😭😭😭
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We just don't know what do do anymore 😞
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My husband and I are at our wits end and don't know what to do anymore. We are a blended family and I have had the privilege to be the stepmom of a wonderful preteen autistic boy (K) and have been since before K can remember. As far as the spectrum goes K is a pretty easy case. We do however, have a very hard time teaching him how to human. We take 3 steps forward when K's here and 2 steps back when at moms. He's with us most of the time mom lives an hour+/- away.
Mom and grandma don't treat K like a preteen with autism. They treat him the same they did when he was 4. K doesn't do much on his own and they don't have many expectations from him as far as taking care of himself including hygiene. To the point when you ask K if he needs help with something he will hand the task 100% off to you and check out into his imagination until you get his attention again. K thinks "help" means "I'll do it for you." It's become a problem at school as he thinks that teachers will do work for him when offering help, causing him to hit and scream when they rightfully refuse.
I don't know exactly what level he is we're rural, services are very limited and I'm unfamiliar with that. K is capable of doing most things on his own it just takes him a little longer than most. He can make his own breakfast, (cereal, PB&J) put on his seatbelt, get himself dressed. Even gets his things ready and walks himself out of the school for pickup and can find me no matter where I park. K is verbal but words are hard for him sometimes. All of this to say, K is a very capable boy.
My husband and I are at a loss as to how to get mom and grandma so see that he's well on his way to being a young man and treating him like he's still 4 years old is going to hurt him in the long run. They seem to see this as a competition to be K's favorite where we see it as raising a child and giving him his best chance. To be blunt about it neither of us want to be in the position to have to make sure our 30 year old is wiping correctly when we know he's 100% capable.
Has anyone else had to deal with this? How did you handle it? Aside from this one thing mom and grandma are wonderful, but this is a really big thing. How do tell someone that thinks they're doing the right thing they're hurting their child? My husband wants to address this and so do I but we also don't want to cause a rift and have unintended consequences for K.
P.S. for all you stepmom haters out there this was posted by me at the request of my husband as he doesn't have Reddit. I'm not "that" stepmom.
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We usually can't get other people to see things, especially when they have years of care and love behind the way they currently behave. Our best chance to change others is to lead by example. Treat K the way you and your husband think is best, teach him the best you can, and hopefully his skills will increase. In time, maybe mom and grandma will see K's abilities. Also, K might enjoy being more independent once he feels confident in it, and insist on doing it himself at mom's and grandma's home., If the other side of the family is into competitions (like who's best parent), maybe give them another one that will be beneficial for the child? Record him doing relatively advanced tasks they usually do for him and send videos to them to celebrate his progress together (your husband should be the one sending it and talking to them in general, of course). Tell them how you did it so they can reproduce it if they choose to. After his stay with them ask if he did the task on their house too. Maybe it'll motivate the mom into "winning" by teaching him something new herself and not supporting regression., Hey there! It sounds like you're facing a real challenge, but you're doing an amazing job advocating for him. Take it all with a grain of salt, but here are some thoughts I have:
First off, kudos to you for recognizing the importance of addressing this issue with empathy. Open communication is key here. Maybe start by just sharing your observations with mom and grandma, emphasizing K's progress and potential. Sometimes, folks just need a little education on autism and developmental milestones to understand where you're coming from. Offer resources or invite them to join a session with K's therapists if possible. Frame the conversation as a team effort to support K's growth and independence. Establish shared goals or routines that can be consistent across both households. And don't forget to emphasize K's well-being as the ultimate goal!
Changing habits isn't easy, so patience is key. Keep those lines of communication open and continue advocating for K. You're making a real difference in his life!, Have you tried a social story to explain that grown ups can use the same words to mean different things? And explain what response ‘help’ will get at school and your home, The problem is, after several years of leading by example we're the bad guys with too high expectations., We have done just this thing to no avail. It gets turned around into us having too high expectations or is interpreted as bragging "look what we can do", These are some good suggestions. Thank you!! I will definitely show this to my husband., I don't know how this perception plays out. Is it that K is upset when he goes back to mom's or grandma's?
I wouldn't talk about what expectations you have or don't know in your home, just have them. You don't have to ask mom or grandma to do anything differently themselves. Teach K, in a loving and supportive way, the things you hope he can learn. Teach him to wipe his own butt, pick out his own clothes, buckle his seatbelt, etc. Why would Grandma and Mom mind?, In mom's eyes I'm the cause of all her problems. I met dad over a year after they split but I'm the reason they aren't together. When dad and I first got together dad moved to the town he works in. It was one town over from where I lived at the time. It's then my fault K lives so far from mom. If it's even perceived it was my suggestion it's the worst idea they've ever heard. It's so frustrating. I just want K to have as many tools in his toolbox as we can provide him., Given all of that, I don't think inroads will be made through conversation with K's mom or grandma. It probably doesn't need to be discussed at all unless you and his dad teaching him skills at your home creates problems at her house.
The other option is to have a meeting with the school and Dad can ask the school if any outside therapies would be helpful. Hopefully, the school could suggest OT and those skills can be worked on at OT., It's the problems at school that are the concern. She could put him back in diapers and feed him with a bottle for all we care so long as he's making progress and not having major behaviors at school but that's not the case. He threw another kids walker across the room a few weeks ago because a teacher was helping but wouldn't do the assignment for him. We don't have services like OT or anything like that where we live if the school can't provide it we don't have it. The closest is 90+ miles. We did this for a long time but driving for 4 hours round trip for 30 minutes of therapy 3x a week isn't sustainable. The stress not having free time put on him far outweighed any benefits we saw from the therapy. We would be happy to just leave things as they are if we weren't seeing regression., Would online therapy be an option? I agree that there is nothing you can do about what is happening at mom’s when there is hostility and challenges it’s just not appropriate, all it will do is damage relationships. Make sure that the school contacts her with any concerns they may have about his behaviours (as well as yourselves). You can be very clear about situational expectations: “here we do xyz” “these are the expectations in our house”. My husband approaches parenting very differently than I do. I have my expectations, I love my kids hard, and I have strong boundaries. The kids adjust between our parenting styles. I think as long as things are situationally consistent, kids are ok. Kids can adapt to a lot of changes, they just need to know what to expect where. You aren’t the same at a water park as you are at a funeral. It’s not unreasonable to teach him that different settings have different expectations. Keep your standards high. It’s ok to be the bad guy. You can be very clear: “I know you are a capable young man and you can do this for yourself”. “But Mommy always does this for me!!! Why don’t you love me like she does!?” “Your Mom loves you and so do we but this isn’t mom’s house. Here we don’t do things people can do for them unless it is an emergency. Did your arm fall off? Are you very, very sick? Oh, no emergency! You can do this yourself buddy.” “This isn’t fair! I hate you. I wanna live with only Mommy forever.” “You sound upset that we won’t do this for you. It makes sense that you are frustrated. It’s hard when people don’t do what we want. I know you can do this! Call me when you are ready to do it.” You can also review roles— it is your child’s job to feel his big feelings, to learn and to discover etc. it is your job to keep him healthy and safe—- notice it isn’t ‘happy’. It’s ok for him to hate you. As long as you keep focussing on the positive parts of his life most of the time and don’t get drawn into a negativity cycle you can outlast this., We usually can't get other people to see things, especially when they have years of care and love behind the way they currently behave. Our best chance to change others is to lead by example. Treat K the way you and your husband think is best, teach him the best you can, and hopefully his skills will increase. In time, maybe mom and grandma will see K's abilities. Also, K might enjoy being more independent once he feels confident in it, and insist on doing it himself at mom's and grandma's home., If the other side of the family is into competitions (like who's best parent), maybe give them another one that will be beneficial for the child? Record him doing relatively advanced tasks they usually do for him and send videos to them to celebrate his progress together (your husband should be the one sending it and talking to them in general, of course). Tell them how you did it so they can reproduce it if they choose to. After his stay with them ask if he did the task on their house too. Maybe it'll motivate the mom into "winning" by teaching him something new herself and not supporting regression., Hey there! It sounds like you're facing a real challenge, but you're doing an amazing job advocating for him. Take it all with a grain of salt, but here are some thoughts I have:
First off, kudos to you for recognizing the importance of addressing this issue with empathy. Open communication is key here. Maybe start by just sharing your observations with mom and grandma, emphasizing K's progress and potential. Sometimes, folks just need a little education on autism and developmental milestones to understand where you're coming from. Offer resources or invite them to join a session with K's therapists if possible. Frame the conversation as a team effort to support K's growth and independence. Establish shared goals or routines that can be consistent across both households. And don't forget to emphasize K's well-being as the ultimate goal!
Changing habits isn't easy, so patience is key. Keep those lines of communication open and continue advocating for K. You're making a real difference in his life!, Have you tried a social story to explain that grown ups can use the same words to mean different things? And explain what response ‘help’ will get at school and your home, The problem is, after several years of leading by example we're the bad guys with too high expectations., We have done just this thing to no avail. It gets turned around into us having too high expectations or is interpreted as bragging "look what we can do", These are some good suggestions. Thank you!! I will definitely show this to my husband., I don't know how this perception plays out. Is it that K is upset when he goes back to mom's or grandma's?
I wouldn't talk about what expectations you have or don't know in your home, just have them. You don't have to ask mom or grandma to do anything differently themselves. Teach K, in a loving and supportive way, the things you hope he can learn. Teach him to wipe his own butt, pick out his own clothes, buckle his seatbelt, etc. Why would Grandma and Mom mind?, In mom's eyes I'm the cause of all her problems. I met dad over a year after they split but I'm the reason they aren't together. When dad and I first got together dad moved to the town he works in. It was one town over from where I lived at the time. It's then my fault K lives so far from mom. If it's even perceived it was my suggestion it's the worst idea they've ever heard. It's so frustrating. I just want K to have as many tools in his toolbox as we can provide him., Given all of that, I don't think inroads will be made through conversation with K's mom or grandma. It probably doesn't need to be discussed at all unless you and his dad teaching him skills at your home creates problems at her house.
The other option is to have a meeting with the school and Dad can ask the school if any outside therapies would be helpful. Hopefully, the school could suggest OT and those skills can be worked on at OT., It's the problems at school that are the concern. She could put him back in diapers and feed him with a bottle for all we care so long as he's making progress and not having major behaviors at school but that's not the case. He threw another kids walker across the room a few weeks ago because a teacher was helping but wouldn't do the assignment for him. We don't have services like OT or anything like that where we live if the school can't provide it we don't have it. The closest is 90+ miles. We did this for a long time but driving for 4 hours round trip for 30 minutes of therapy 3x a week isn't sustainable. The stress not having free time put on him far outweighed any benefits we saw from the therapy. We would be happy to just leave things as they are if we weren't seeing regression., Would online therapy be an option? I agree that there is nothing you can do about what is happening at mom’s when there is hostility and challenges it’s just not appropriate, all it will do is damage relationships. Make sure that the school contacts her with any concerns they may have about his behaviours (as well as yourselves). You can be very clear about situational expectations: “here we do xyz” “these are the expectations in our house”. My husband approaches parenting very differently than I do. I have my expectations, I love my kids hard, and I have strong boundaries. The kids adjust between our parenting styles. I think as long as things are situationally consistent, kids are ok. Kids can adapt to a lot of changes, they just need to know what to expect where. You aren’t the same at a water park as you are at a funeral. It’s not unreasonable to teach him that different settings have different expectations. Keep your standards high. It’s ok to be the bad guy. You can be very clear: “I know you are a capable young man and you can do this for yourself”. “But Mommy always does this for me!!! Why don’t you love me like she does!?” “Your Mom loves you and so do we but this isn’t mom’s house. Here we don’t do things people can do for them unless it is an emergency. Did your arm fall off? Are you very, very sick? Oh, no emergency! You can do this yourself buddy.” “This isn’t fair! I hate you. I wanna live with only Mommy forever.” “You sound upset that we won’t do this for you. It makes sense that you are frustrated. It’s hard when people don’t do what we want. I know you can do this! Call me when you are ready to do it.” You can also review roles— it is your child’s job to feel his big feelings, to learn and to discover etc. it is your job to keep him healthy and safe—- notice it isn’t ‘happy’. It’s ok for him to hate you. As long as you keep focussing on the positive parts of his life most of the time and don’t get drawn into a negativity cycle you can outlast this., We usually can't get other people to see things, especially when they have years of care and love behind the way they currently behave. Our best chance to change others is to lead by example. Treat K the way you and your husband think is best, teach him the best you can, and hopefully his skills will increase. In time, maybe mom and grandma will see K's abilities. Also, K might enjoy being more independent once he feels confident in it, and insist on doing it himself at mom's and grandma's home., If the other side of the family is into competitions (like who's best parent), maybe give them another one that will be beneficial for the child? Record him doing relatively advanced tasks they usually do for him and send videos to them to celebrate his progress together (your husband should be the one sending it and talking to them in general, of course). Tell them how you did it so they can reproduce it if they choose to. After his stay with them ask if he did the task on their house too. Maybe it'll motivate the mom into "winning" by teaching him something new herself and not supporting regression., Hey there! It sounds like you're facing a real challenge, but you're doing an amazing job advocating for him. Take it all with a grain of salt, but here are some thoughts I have:
First off, kudos to you for recognizing the importance of addressing this issue with empathy. Open communication is key here. Maybe start by just sharing your observations with mom and grandma, emphasizing K's progress and potential. Sometimes, folks just need a little education on autism and developmental milestones to understand where you're coming from. Offer resources or invite them to join a session with K's therapists if possible. Frame the conversation as a team effort to support K's growth and independence. Establish shared goals or routines that can be consistent across both households. And don't forget to emphasize K's well-being as the ultimate goal!
Changing habits isn't easy, so patience is key. Keep those lines of communication open and continue advocating for K. You're making a real difference in his life!, Have you tried a social story to explain that grown ups can use the same words to mean different things? And explain what response ‘help’ will get at school and your home, The problem is, after several years of leading by example we're the bad guys with too high expectations., We have done just this thing to no avail. It gets turned around into us having too high expectations or is interpreted as bragging "look what we can do", These are some good suggestions. Thank you!! I will definitely show this to my husband., I don't know how this perception plays out. Is it that K is upset when he goes back to mom's or grandma's?
I wouldn't talk about what expectations you have or don't know in your home, just have them. You don't have to ask mom or grandma to do anything differently themselves. Teach K, in a loving and supportive way, the things you hope he can learn. Teach him to wipe his own butt, pick out his own clothes, buckle his seatbelt, etc. Why would Grandma and Mom mind?, In mom's eyes I'm the cause of all her problems. I met dad over a year after they split but I'm the reason they aren't together. When dad and I first got together dad moved to the town he works in. It was one town over from where I lived at the time. It's then my fault K lives so far from mom. If it's even perceived it was my suggestion it's the worst idea they've ever heard. It's so frustrating. I just want K to have as many tools in his toolbox as we can provide him., Given all of that, I don't think inroads will be made through conversation with K's mom or grandma. It probably doesn't need to be discussed at all unless you and his dad teaching him skills at your home creates problems at her house.
The other option is to have a meeting with the school and Dad can ask the school if any outside therapies would be helpful. Hopefully, the school could suggest OT and those skills can be worked on at OT., It's the problems at school that are the concern. She could put him back in diapers and feed him with a bottle for all we care so long as he's making progress and not having major behaviors at school but that's not the case. He threw another kids walker across the room a few weeks ago because a teacher was helping but wouldn't do the assignment for him. We don't have services like OT or anything like that where we live if the school can't provide it we don't have it. The closest is 90+ miles. We did this for a long time but driving for 4 hours round trip for 30 minutes of therapy 3x a week isn't sustainable. The stress not having free time put on him far outweighed any benefits we saw from the therapy. We would be happy to just leave things as they are if we weren't seeing regression., Would online therapy be an option? I agree that there is nothing you can do about what is happening at mom’s when there is hostility and challenges it’s just not appropriate, all it will do is damage relationships. Make sure that the school contacts her with any concerns they may have about his behaviours (as well as yourselves). You can be very clear about situational expectations: “here we do xyz” “these are the expectations in our house”. My husband approaches parenting very differently than I do. I have my expectations, I love my kids hard, and I have strong boundaries. The kids adjust between our parenting styles. I think as long as things are situationally consistent, kids are ok. Kids can adapt to a lot of changes, they just need to know what to expect where. You aren’t the same at a water park as you are at a funeral. It’s not unreasonable to teach him that different settings have different expectations. Keep your standards high. It’s ok to be the bad guy. You can be very clear: “I know you are a capable young man and you can do this for yourself”. “But Mommy always does this for me!!! Why don’t you love me like she does!?” “Your Mom loves you and so do we but this isn’t mom’s house. Here we don’t do things people can do for them unless it is an emergency. Did your arm fall off? Are you very, very sick? Oh, no emergency! You can do this yourself buddy.” “This isn’t fair! I hate you. I wanna live with only Mommy forever.” “You sound upset that we won’t do this for you. It makes sense that you are frustrated. It’s hard when people don’t do what we want. I know you can do this! Call me when you are ready to do it.” You can also review roles— it is your child’s job to feel his big feelings, to learn and to discover etc. it is your job to keep him healthy and safe—- notice it isn’t ‘happy’. It’s ok for him to hate you. As long as you keep focussing on the positive parts of his life most of the time and don’t get drawn into a negativity cycle you can outlast this., We usually can't get other people to see things, especially when they have years of care and love behind the way they currently behave. Our best chance to change others is to lead by example. Treat K the way you and your husband think is best, teach him the best you can, and hopefully his skills will increase. In time, maybe mom and grandma will see K's abilities. Also, K might enjoy being more independent once he feels confident in it, and insist on doing it himself at mom's and grandma's home., If the other side of the family is into competitions (like who's best parent), maybe give them another one that will be beneficial for the child? Record him doing relatively advanced tasks they usually do for him and send videos to them to celebrate his progress together (your husband should be the one sending it and talking to them in general, of course). Tell them how you did it so they can reproduce it if they choose to. After his stay with them ask if he did the task on their house too. Maybe it'll motivate the mom into "winning" by teaching him something new herself and not supporting regression., Hey there! It sounds like you're facing a real challenge, but you're doing an amazing job advocating for him. Take it all with a grain of salt, but here are some thoughts I have:
First off, kudos to you for recognizing the importance of addressing this issue with empathy. Open communication is key here. Maybe start by just sharing your observations with mom and grandma, emphasizing K's progress and potential. Sometimes, folks just need a little education on autism and developmental milestones to understand where you're coming from. Offer resources or invite them to join a session with K's therapists if possible. Frame the conversation as a team effort to support K's growth and independence. Establish shared goals or routines that can be consistent across both households. And don't forget to emphasize K's well-being as the ultimate goal!
Changing habits isn't easy, so patience is key. Keep those lines of communication open and continue advocating for K. You're making a real difference in his life!, Have you tried a social story to explain that grown ups can use the same words to mean different things? And explain what response ‘help’ will get at school and your home, The problem is, after several years of leading by example we're the bad guys with too high expectations., We have done just this thing to no avail. It gets turned around into us having too high expectations or is interpreted as bragging "look what we can do", These are some good suggestions. Thank you!! I will definitely show this to my husband., I don't know how this perception plays out. Is it that K is upset when he goes back to mom's or grandma's?
I wouldn't talk about what expectations you have or don't know in your home, just have them. You don't have to ask mom or grandma to do anything differently themselves. Teach K, in a loving and supportive way, the things you hope he can learn. Teach him to wipe his own butt, pick out his own clothes, buckle his seatbelt, etc. Why would Grandma and Mom mind?, In mom's eyes I'm the cause of all her problems. I met dad over a year after they split but I'm the reason they aren't together. When dad and I first got together dad moved to the town he works in. It was one town over from where I lived at the time. It's then my fault K lives so far from mom. If it's even perceived it was my suggestion it's the worst idea they've ever heard. It's so frustrating. I just want K to have as many tools in his toolbox as we can provide him., Given all of that, I don't think inroads will be made through conversation with K's mom or grandma. It probably doesn't need to be discussed at all unless you and his dad teaching him skills at your home creates problems at her house.
The other option is to have a meeting with the school and Dad can ask the school if any outside therapies would be helpful. Hopefully, the school could suggest OT and those skills can be worked on at OT., It's the problems at school that are the concern. She could put him back in diapers and feed him with a bottle for all we care so long as he's making progress and not having major behaviors at school but that's not the case. He threw another kids walker across the room a few weeks ago because a teacher was helping but wouldn't do the assignment for him. We don't have services like OT or anything like that where we live if the school can't provide it we don't have it. The closest is 90+ miles. We did this for a long time but driving for 4 hours round trip for 30 minutes of therapy 3x a week isn't sustainable. The stress not having free time put on him far outweighed any benefits we saw from the therapy. We would be happy to just leave things as they are if we weren't seeing regression., Would online therapy be an option? I agree that there is nothing you can do about what is happening at mom’s when there is hostility and challenges it’s just not appropriate, all it will do is damage relationships. Make sure that the school contacts her with any concerns they may have about his behaviours (as well as yourselves). You can be very clear about situational expectations: “here we do xyz” “these are the expectations in our house”. My husband approaches parenting very differently than I do. I have my expectations, I love my kids hard, and I have strong boundaries. The kids adjust between our parenting styles. I think as long as things are situationally consistent, kids are ok. Kids can adapt to a lot of changes, they just need to know what to expect where. You aren’t the same at a water park as you are at a funeral. It’s not unreasonable to teach him that different settings have different expectations. Keep your standards high. It’s ok to be the bad guy. You can be very clear: “I know you are a capable young man and you can do this for yourself”. “But Mommy always does this for me!!! Why don’t you love me like she does!?” “Your Mom loves you and so do we but this isn’t mom’s house. Here we don’t do things people can do for them unless it is an emergency. Did your arm fall off? Are you very, very sick? Oh, no emergency! You can do this yourself buddy.” “This isn’t fair! I hate you. I wanna live with only Mommy forever.” “You sound upset that we won’t do this for you. It makes sense that you are frustrated. It’s hard when people don’t do what we want. I know you can do this! Call me when you are ready to do it.” You can also review roles— it is your child’s job to feel his big feelings, to learn and to discover etc. it is your job to keep him healthy and safe—- notice it isn’t ‘happy’. It’s ok for him to hate you. As long as you keep focussing on the positive parts of his life most of the time and don’t get drawn into a negativity cycle you can outlast this.
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Weaning help/bottle recommendations please
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TLDR; need breast like bottle recommendations or advice on weaning to sleep.
3f; we have been working on weaning for two years now and still can’t seem to kick nursing to sleep. She’s awful with sleep anyways and nursing is the only way she’ll go down when she’s ready. It’s affected her teeth and I’m already feeling so defeated. We’ve tried many different things for weaning and sleep and now OT is recommending we try a breast-like bottle of warm milk and slowly transitioning that to water over time.
Does anyone have any recommendations for bottles? We’ve already tried teethers and paci’s but neither of those has helped, along with trying to change the routine over the last two years. Not even sucker-buster or sour/spice has gotten her off of me. She just gets upset then powers through.
Has anyone here been in this situation and how did you get through it? We’re cut down only to sleepy times, and I have minimal in home support. She goes down too late for her dad to be able to be the one to put her to sleep while he has work in the mornings, and when we tried removing me from the room to let her try to self soothe (ped. Recommended; pre diagnosis) she vomits and self harms.
I need my sleep and space back.
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https://kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/tooth-decay/
It doesn't cause tooth decay. That has been proven false multiple times. As for advice maybe try a timer? Set how long they can at a time and slowly decrease. That's what we are currently doing. As for bottles Nanobébé is a good brand. Not free flow and my set never leaked., I wish I had had helpful advice but just so you don't feel alone my daughter nursed to sleep until she was 3ish as well.
The way we stopped was impromptu because she went through a few nights where she wanted to cuddle her dad to sleep. After that she was fine with just cuddling me, I'm sorry I don't have a helpful answer and hope you find the right thing!
I still have to cuddle her to sleep every night now that she's 5.5 years old though (one step at a time I guess.. even if the steps are slow haha)., Giving a bottle to 3yo feels a bit counterproductive to me. We quit breastfeeding cold turkey, just no nursing anymore (while there were multiple feeds before). Of course I've told our son many times during the previous 6 months that he's a big boy and will stop nursing soon etc. but I'm sure he did not really understand nor think about it (there was a history of mild speech delay + ASD). So one night I just told him that it's over, sang lullabies and hugged him to sleep instead. He only cried twice, the first night and the next day before nap, then started sleeping through the night., That’s comforting and concerning, because that’s what her dentist said it’s probably from since we brush before nursing to sleep. That makes me wonder what I could be doing wrong if it’s not nursing. Sadly we’ve tried the timer but that just wakes her back up when I take nursing away when the timer is done if she isn’t completely asleep yet. Once she’s asleep it’s no issue moving, but she frequently wakes and is the only way she’ll fall asleep.
I’ll check out that brand, thank you so much for the link and suggestions!
Edit; spelling mistakes & my grammar is awful here, but I am so tired I can’t figure out why this paragraph looks so wrong 🥲, Maybe mine will start asking for dad lol. He’s always the fun one so they have some play time before he goes to bed but it never lasts.
Any response or simply listening is helpful, either by information or lifting the spirit. Thank you!
Starting tonight she can pick between one of three comfort items and has to stick with what she chooses, and I’m bundling up to be inaccessible when she wants cuddles. Posting here was near my breaking point, and last night/waking up already touched out this morning was my breaking point. Current discomfort will pass but she deserves a mama with enough patience and sleep to get through the day., Thank you for your response! Im so glad that worked well for your family., You could be doing nothing wrong. My little ones molars came in with cavities. You being sick while pregnant or throwing up a lot, them having a fever in the first 3-4 months of life, you having antibiotics during pregnancy or some other medication, them having medication as a baby can all cause teeth and enamel issues., That’s reassuring. I struggled with consistent kidney infections while pregnant so I was on a lot of antibiotics. She did/does have enamel defects on her front teeth, so the fact that she has a couple cavities does seem likely to be linked to having just weak teeth from reflux (both while pregnant and she had reflux) and medication while pregnant. Thank you for all the info!, https://kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/tooth-decay/
It doesn't cause tooth decay. That has been proven false multiple times. As for advice maybe try a timer? Set how long they can at a time and slowly decrease. That's what we are currently doing. As for bottles Nanobébé is a good brand. Not free flow and my set never leaked., I wish I had had helpful advice but just so you don't feel alone my daughter nursed to sleep until she was 3ish as well.
The way we stopped was impromptu because she went through a few nights where she wanted to cuddle her dad to sleep. After that she was fine with just cuddling me, I'm sorry I don't have a helpful answer and hope you find the right thing!
I still have to cuddle her to sleep every night now that she's 5.5 years old though (one step at a time I guess.. even if the steps are slow haha)., Giving a bottle to 3yo feels a bit counterproductive to me. We quit breastfeeding cold turkey, just no nursing anymore (while there were multiple feeds before). Of course I've told our son many times during the previous 6 months that he's a big boy and will stop nursing soon etc. but I'm sure he did not really understand nor think about it (there was a history of mild speech delay + ASD). So one night I just told him that it's over, sang lullabies and hugged him to sleep instead. He only cried twice, the first night and the next day before nap, then started sleeping through the night., That’s comforting and concerning, because that’s what her dentist said it’s probably from since we brush before nursing to sleep. That makes me wonder what I could be doing wrong if it’s not nursing. Sadly we’ve tried the timer but that just wakes her back up when I take nursing away when the timer is done if she isn’t completely asleep yet. Once she’s asleep it’s no issue moving, but she frequently wakes and is the only way she’ll fall asleep.
I’ll check out that brand, thank you so much for the link and suggestions!
Edit; spelling mistakes & my grammar is awful here, but I am so tired I can’t figure out why this paragraph looks so wrong 🥲, Maybe mine will start asking for dad lol. He’s always the fun one so they have some play time before he goes to bed but it never lasts.
Any response or simply listening is helpful, either by information or lifting the spirit. Thank you!
Starting tonight she can pick between one of three comfort items and has to stick with what she chooses, and I’m bundling up to be inaccessible when she wants cuddles. Posting here was near my breaking point, and last night/waking up already touched out this morning was my breaking point. Current discomfort will pass but she deserves a mama with enough patience and sleep to get through the day., Thank you for your response! Im so glad that worked well for your family., You could be doing nothing wrong. My little ones molars came in with cavities. You being sick while pregnant or throwing up a lot, them having a fever in the first 3-4 months of life, you having antibiotics during pregnancy or some other medication, them having medication as a baby can all cause teeth and enamel issues., That’s reassuring. I struggled with consistent kidney infections while pregnant so I was on a lot of antibiotics. She did/does have enamel defects on her front teeth, so the fact that she has a couple cavities does seem likely to be linked to having just weak teeth from reflux (both while pregnant and she had reflux) and medication while pregnant. Thank you for all the info!, https://kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/tooth-decay/
It doesn't cause tooth decay. That has been proven false multiple times. As for advice maybe try a timer? Set how long they can at a time and slowly decrease. That's what we are currently doing. As for bottles Nanobébé is a good brand. Not free flow and my set never leaked., I wish I had had helpful advice but just so you don't feel alone my daughter nursed to sleep until she was 3ish as well.
The way we stopped was impromptu because she went through a few nights where she wanted to cuddle her dad to sleep. After that she was fine with just cuddling me, I'm sorry I don't have a helpful answer and hope you find the right thing!
I still have to cuddle her to sleep every night now that she's 5.5 years old though (one step at a time I guess.. even if the steps are slow haha)., Giving a bottle to 3yo feels a bit counterproductive to me. We quit breastfeeding cold turkey, just no nursing anymore (while there were multiple feeds before). Of course I've told our son many times during the previous 6 months that he's a big boy and will stop nursing soon etc. but I'm sure he did not really understand nor think about it (there was a history of mild speech delay + ASD). So one night I just told him that it's over, sang lullabies and hugged him to sleep instead. He only cried twice, the first night and the next day before nap, then started sleeping through the night., That’s comforting and concerning, because that’s what her dentist said it’s probably from since we brush before nursing to sleep. That makes me wonder what I could be doing wrong if it’s not nursing. Sadly we’ve tried the timer but that just wakes her back up when I take nursing away when the timer is done if she isn’t completely asleep yet. Once she’s asleep it’s no issue moving, but she frequently wakes and is the only way she’ll fall asleep.
I’ll check out that brand, thank you so much for the link and suggestions!
Edit; spelling mistakes & my grammar is awful here, but I am so tired I can’t figure out why this paragraph looks so wrong 🥲, Maybe mine will start asking for dad lol. He’s always the fun one so they have some play time before he goes to bed but it never lasts.
Any response or simply listening is helpful, either by information or lifting the spirit. Thank you!
Starting tonight she can pick between one of three comfort items and has to stick with what she chooses, and I’m bundling up to be inaccessible when she wants cuddles. Posting here was near my breaking point, and last night/waking up already touched out this morning was my breaking point. Current discomfort will pass but she deserves a mama with enough patience and sleep to get through the day., Thank you for your response! Im so glad that worked well for your family., You could be doing nothing wrong. My little ones molars came in with cavities. You being sick while pregnant or throwing up a lot, them having a fever in the first 3-4 months of life, you having antibiotics during pregnancy or some other medication, them having medication as a baby can all cause teeth and enamel issues., That’s reassuring. I struggled with consistent kidney infections while pregnant so I was on a lot of antibiotics. She did/does have enamel defects on her front teeth, so the fact that she has a couple cavities does seem likely to be linked to having just weak teeth from reflux (both while pregnant and she had reflux) and medication while pregnant. Thank you for all the info!, https://kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/tooth-decay/
It doesn't cause tooth decay. That has been proven false multiple times. As for advice maybe try a timer? Set how long they can at a time and slowly decrease. That's what we are currently doing. As for bottles Nanobébé is a good brand. Not free flow and my set never leaked., I wish I had had helpful advice but just so you don't feel alone my daughter nursed to sleep until she was 3ish as well.
The way we stopped was impromptu because she went through a few nights where she wanted to cuddle her dad to sleep. After that she was fine with just cuddling me, I'm sorry I don't have a helpful answer and hope you find the right thing!
I still have to cuddle her to sleep every night now that she's 5.5 years old though (one step at a time I guess.. even if the steps are slow haha)., Giving a bottle to 3yo feels a bit counterproductive to me. We quit breastfeeding cold turkey, just no nursing anymore (while there were multiple feeds before). Of course I've told our son many times during the previous 6 months that he's a big boy and will stop nursing soon etc. but I'm sure he did not really understand nor think about it (there was a history of mild speech delay + ASD). So one night I just told him that it's over, sang lullabies and hugged him to sleep instead. He only cried twice, the first night and the next day before nap, then started sleeping through the night., That’s comforting and concerning, because that’s what her dentist said it’s probably from since we brush before nursing to sleep. That makes me wonder what I could be doing wrong if it’s not nursing. Sadly we’ve tried the timer but that just wakes her back up when I take nursing away when the timer is done if she isn’t completely asleep yet. Once she’s asleep it’s no issue moving, but she frequently wakes and is the only way she’ll fall asleep.
I’ll check out that brand, thank you so much for the link and suggestions!
Edit; spelling mistakes & my grammar is awful here, but I am so tired I can’t figure out why this paragraph looks so wrong 🥲, Maybe mine will start asking for dad lol. He’s always the fun one so they have some play time before he goes to bed but it never lasts.
Any response or simply listening is helpful, either by information or lifting the spirit. Thank you!
Starting tonight she can pick between one of three comfort items and has to stick with what she chooses, and I’m bundling up to be inaccessible when she wants cuddles. Posting here was near my breaking point, and last night/waking up already touched out this morning was my breaking point. Current discomfort will pass but she deserves a mama with enough patience and sleep to get through the day., Thank you for your response! Im so glad that worked well for your family., You could be doing nothing wrong. My little ones molars came in with cavities. You being sick while pregnant or throwing up a lot, them having a fever in the first 3-4 months of life, you having antibiotics during pregnancy or some other medication, them having medication as a baby can all cause teeth and enamel issues., That’s reassuring. I struggled with consistent kidney infections while pregnant so I was on a lot of antibiotics. She did/does have enamel defects on her front teeth, so the fact that she has a couple cavities does seem likely to be linked to having just weak teeth from reflux (both while pregnant and she had reflux) and medication while pregnant. Thank you for all the info!
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Weight gain risperidone, what has helped?
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My son autism, OCD, cognitive delay 3 years. Is 11 years old and has been on risperidone about the last 4-5 months. On .5mg a day, It has saved our family and has been a major reduction in violent aggression, self harm and has made him a much happier person. Only thing he is hungry all the time and he has put on a bit of weight. He craves junk food has tantrums thinking were starving him. Obviously we’re not, but want him to have a healthy balanced diet. We started him exercise classes 1x week and got a trampoline. He is not an active kid and has to be pushed. Otherwise he would be on his iPad all day. Any other strategies?
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This is such a difficult problem with these medications. The hunger is real, and it is a gnawing and intense thing. The hunger is telling his brain that he needs lots of calories quickly. Exercise might increase his hunger. That isn't saying not to add exercise and activities into his life, it is absolutely a good and necessary thing, but you need to know that it is almost impossible to out exercise the increased hunger.
Making gradual and healthy changes for the whole family can help. Everyone only drinks water or milk. Get rid of any sodas or juice except for special occasions. Get rid of snack foods that don't help satisfy hunger- like chips or simple carbs. Replace them with snacks that are high fiber or high protein, and have some fat. Things like pre-measured trail mix, egg bites, high fiber muffins. Bananas or apples with peanut butter. Low sugar 2% yogurt. 2% cottage cheese. Deli turkey rolled around a string cheese. Turkey hot dogs. It doesn't have to seem super healthy, but it needs some fat and either protein or fiber. Gradually make meals for the whole family that have more fiber and protein and fewer simple carbs. Don't go down the fat-free road, because fat helps us feel full, and when we try to eat fat-free, we end up eating more calories and sugar.
If your son has a sweet tooth or likes salty junk food, look for delicious replacements. Reddit is a great place to source that information. You can check out the cheapandhealthy sub.
Don't talk about his weight. Don't restrict food, just give him options that are actually going to help him feel full. Don't have the junk food in the house. Any changes that are made for him need to be for the whole family., This has also been a great medicine for our son. It has given us a life honestly. We are no longer confined to our home and able to get out in public because his behavior is finally under control for the most part. He did gain weight at first but was having so much trouble focusing due to ADHD also. Our doctor prescribed a low dose of adderall in the morning and this has controlled his appetite as well. I hope you can find some answers., Please reconsider this heavy, heavy chemical constraint on such a small child.
Please research all the lawsuits of the destruction on lives of those who were placed on it as children; particularly young boys.
It destroys everything. It destroys their natural hormone regulation and ruins lives.
There is a better way - we don't need chemical restraints; we need those who care for us to learn more., I don't have anything helpful to suggest sorry.. just wanted to say that I totally understand the struggle and hope you find a good solution.
My son is 7 and on the same medication... He stopped eating anything from about 2.5 years old and lives off a formula called kid essentials, he goes through phases of picking a single thing he decides is safe to eat and wants only that.. it'sonly either chips or yogurts... Right now it's salt and vinegar crinkle cut chips, if I let him he would eat 2 large bags a day... It's so hard to stop him cuz I know he feels hungry cuz his bottles dont do enough for his hunger and it's also at least good his eating anything...
Anyhow, best of luck!, minus ipad
plus outdoor unstructured play in giant forest park
easier said than done on all counts, assuming school / therapy / work commitments and such a park may not be easily accessible to you, Thank you so much for your detailed reply, yes I’m thinking high fibre and protein to feel full and I’ve hidden all crisps only having them a snack a play time at school., so it’s not a drastic change. I’m now started more fibre from today Weetbix for breakfast. We don’t have soda as and I will restrict juice to special occasions. It’s more after school he will eat all the snacks meant for play time at school. I’m In Australia and we have Milo bars, etc I might start making high fibre muffin bars and adding more protein everyday. Thanks again!, Hi yes thank you, he is also on adhd medication it’s Ritalin LA 30mg, but not made him less hungry., Hi there, I really have tried many things, my background is natural medicine. I’ve done gluten free, dairy free, probiotics, getting rid of heavy metals. Tried natural lithium. All to no avail. If there were some other way. I would try. I dislike he is on this medicine but he was miserable/ violent to himself and others and he has a life again., Yes thank you, best of luck as well ☺️, Yeah definitely agree, I’ve got to cut back on iPad time., I work in mental health with adults and the struggle of the hunger is REAL. Good luck, it's really hard because our bodies tell us we need really fast calories, like crisps. Of course, crisps do nothing for anyone's actual hunger, they are just delicious! Heck, I'm an adult and allistic, and I still want crisps!, This is such a difficult problem with these medications. The hunger is real, and it is a gnawing and intense thing. The hunger is telling his brain that he needs lots of calories quickly. Exercise might increase his hunger. That isn't saying not to add exercise and activities into his life, it is absolutely a good and necessary thing, but you need to know that it is almost impossible to out exercise the increased hunger.
Making gradual and healthy changes for the whole family can help. Everyone only drinks water or milk. Get rid of any sodas or juice except for special occasions. Get rid of snack foods that don't help satisfy hunger- like chips or simple carbs. Replace them with snacks that are high fiber or high protein, and have some fat. Things like pre-measured trail mix, egg bites, high fiber muffins. Bananas or apples with peanut butter. Low sugar 2% yogurt. 2% cottage cheese. Deli turkey rolled around a string cheese. Turkey hot dogs. It doesn't have to seem super healthy, but it needs some fat and either protein or fiber. Gradually make meals for the whole family that have more fiber and protein and fewer simple carbs. Don't go down the fat-free road, because fat helps us feel full, and when we try to eat fat-free, we end up eating more calories and sugar.
If your son has a sweet tooth or likes salty junk food, look for delicious replacements. Reddit is a great place to source that information. You can check out the cheapandhealthy sub.
Don't talk about his weight. Don't restrict food, just give him options that are actually going to help him feel full. Don't have the junk food in the house. Any changes that are made for him need to be for the whole family., This has also been a great medicine for our son. It has given us a life honestly. We are no longer confined to our home and able to get out in public because his behavior is finally under control for the most part. He did gain weight at first but was having so much trouble focusing due to ADHD also. Our doctor prescribed a low dose of adderall in the morning and this has controlled his appetite as well. I hope you can find some answers., Please reconsider this heavy, heavy chemical constraint on such a small child.
Please research all the lawsuits of the destruction on lives of those who were placed on it as children; particularly young boys.
It destroys everything. It destroys their natural hormone regulation and ruins lives.
There is a better way - we don't need chemical restraints; we need those who care for us to learn more., I don't have anything helpful to suggest sorry.. just wanted to say that I totally understand the struggle and hope you find a good solution.
My son is 7 and on the same medication... He stopped eating anything from about 2.5 years old and lives off a formula called kid essentials, he goes through phases of picking a single thing he decides is safe to eat and wants only that.. it'sonly either chips or yogurts... Right now it's salt and vinegar crinkle cut chips, if I let him he would eat 2 large bags a day... It's so hard to stop him cuz I know he feels hungry cuz his bottles dont do enough for his hunger and it's also at least good his eating anything...
Anyhow, best of luck!, minus ipad
plus outdoor unstructured play in giant forest park
easier said than done on all counts, assuming school / therapy / work commitments and such a park may not be easily accessible to you, Thank you so much for your detailed reply, yes I’m thinking high fibre and protein to feel full and I’ve hidden all crisps only having them a snack a play time at school., so it’s not a drastic change. I’m now started more fibre from today Weetbix for breakfast. We don’t have soda as and I will restrict juice to special occasions. It’s more after school he will eat all the snacks meant for play time at school. I’m In Australia and we have Milo bars, etc I might start making high fibre muffin bars and adding more protein everyday. Thanks again!, Hi yes thank you, he is also on adhd medication it’s Ritalin LA 30mg, but not made him less hungry., Hi there, I really have tried many things, my background is natural medicine. I’ve done gluten free, dairy free, probiotics, getting rid of heavy metals. Tried natural lithium. All to no avail. If there were some other way. I would try. I dislike he is on this medicine but he was miserable/ violent to himself and others and he has a life again., Yes thank you, best of luck as well ☺️, Yeah definitely agree, I’ve got to cut back on iPad time., I work in mental health with adults and the struggle of the hunger is REAL. Good luck, it's really hard because our bodies tell us we need really fast calories, like crisps. Of course, crisps do nothing for anyone's actual hunger, they are just delicious! Heck, I'm an adult and allistic, and I still want crisps!, This is such a difficult problem with these medications. The hunger is real, and it is a gnawing and intense thing. The hunger is telling his brain that he needs lots of calories quickly. Exercise might increase his hunger. That isn't saying not to add exercise and activities into his life, it is absolutely a good and necessary thing, but you need to know that it is almost impossible to out exercise the increased hunger.
Making gradual and healthy changes for the whole family can help. Everyone only drinks water or milk. Get rid of any sodas or juice except for special occasions. Get rid of snack foods that don't help satisfy hunger- like chips or simple carbs. Replace them with snacks that are high fiber or high protein, and have some fat. Things like pre-measured trail mix, egg bites, high fiber muffins. Bananas or apples with peanut butter. Low sugar 2% yogurt. 2% cottage cheese. Deli turkey rolled around a string cheese. Turkey hot dogs. It doesn't have to seem super healthy, but it needs some fat and either protein or fiber. Gradually make meals for the whole family that have more fiber and protein and fewer simple carbs. Don't go down the fat-free road, because fat helps us feel full, and when we try to eat fat-free, we end up eating more calories and sugar.
If your son has a sweet tooth or likes salty junk food, look for delicious replacements. Reddit is a great place to source that information. You can check out the cheapandhealthy sub.
Don't talk about his weight. Don't restrict food, just give him options that are actually going to help him feel full. Don't have the junk food in the house. Any changes that are made for him need to be for the whole family., This has also been a great medicine for our son. It has given us a life honestly. We are no longer confined to our home and able to get out in public because his behavior is finally under control for the most part. He did gain weight at first but was having so much trouble focusing due to ADHD also. Our doctor prescribed a low dose of adderall in the morning and this has controlled his appetite as well. I hope you can find some answers., Please reconsider this heavy, heavy chemical constraint on such a small child.
Please research all the lawsuits of the destruction on lives of those who were placed on it as children; particularly young boys.
It destroys everything. It destroys their natural hormone regulation and ruins lives.
There is a better way - we don't need chemical restraints; we need those who care for us to learn more., I don't have anything helpful to suggest sorry.. just wanted to say that I totally understand the struggle and hope you find a good solution.
My son is 7 and on the same medication... He stopped eating anything from about 2.5 years old and lives off a formula called kid essentials, he goes through phases of picking a single thing he decides is safe to eat and wants only that.. it'sonly either chips or yogurts... Right now it's salt and vinegar crinkle cut chips, if I let him he would eat 2 large bags a day... It's so hard to stop him cuz I know he feels hungry cuz his bottles dont do enough for his hunger and it's also at least good his eating anything...
Anyhow, best of luck!, minus ipad
plus outdoor unstructured play in giant forest park
easier said than done on all counts, assuming school / therapy / work commitments and such a park may not be easily accessible to you, Thank you so much for your detailed reply, yes I’m thinking high fibre and protein to feel full and I’ve hidden all crisps only having them a snack a play time at school., so it’s not a drastic change. I’m now started more fibre from today Weetbix for breakfast. We don’t have soda as and I will restrict juice to special occasions. It’s more after school he will eat all the snacks meant for play time at school. I’m In Australia and we have Milo bars, etc I might start making high fibre muffin bars and adding more protein everyday. Thanks again!, Hi yes thank you, he is also on adhd medication it’s Ritalin LA 30mg, but not made him less hungry., Hi there, I really have tried many things, my background is natural medicine. I’ve done gluten free, dairy free, probiotics, getting rid of heavy metals. Tried natural lithium. All to no avail. If there were some other way. I would try. I dislike he is on this medicine but he was miserable/ violent to himself and others and he has a life again., Yes thank you, best of luck as well ☺️, Yeah definitely agree, I’ve got to cut back on iPad time., I work in mental health with adults and the struggle of the hunger is REAL. Good luck, it's really hard because our bodies tell us we need really fast calories, like crisps. Of course, crisps do nothing for anyone's actual hunger, they are just delicious! Heck, I'm an adult and allistic, and I still want crisps!, This is such a difficult problem with these medications. The hunger is real, and it is a gnawing and intense thing. The hunger is telling his brain that he needs lots of calories quickly. Exercise might increase his hunger. That isn't saying not to add exercise and activities into his life, it is absolutely a good and necessary thing, but you need to know that it is almost impossible to out exercise the increased hunger.
Making gradual and healthy changes for the whole family can help. Everyone only drinks water or milk. Get rid of any sodas or juice except for special occasions. Get rid of snack foods that don't help satisfy hunger- like chips or simple carbs. Replace them with snacks that are high fiber or high protein, and have some fat. Things like pre-measured trail mix, egg bites, high fiber muffins. Bananas or apples with peanut butter. Low sugar 2% yogurt. 2% cottage cheese. Deli turkey rolled around a string cheese. Turkey hot dogs. It doesn't have to seem super healthy, but it needs some fat and either protein or fiber. Gradually make meals for the whole family that have more fiber and protein and fewer simple carbs. Don't go down the fat-free road, because fat helps us feel full, and when we try to eat fat-free, we end up eating more calories and sugar.
If your son has a sweet tooth or likes salty junk food, look for delicious replacements. Reddit is a great place to source that information. You can check out the cheapandhealthy sub.
Don't talk about his weight. Don't restrict food, just give him options that are actually going to help him feel full. Don't have the junk food in the house. Any changes that are made for him need to be for the whole family., This has also been a great medicine for our son. It has given us a life honestly. We are no longer confined to our home and able to get out in public because his behavior is finally under control for the most part. He did gain weight at first but was having so much trouble focusing due to ADHD also. Our doctor prescribed a low dose of adderall in the morning and this has controlled his appetite as well. I hope you can find some answers., Please reconsider this heavy, heavy chemical constraint on such a small child.
Please research all the lawsuits of the destruction on lives of those who were placed on it as children; particularly young boys.
It destroys everything. It destroys their natural hormone regulation and ruins lives.
There is a better way - we don't need chemical restraints; we need those who care for us to learn more., I don't have anything helpful to suggest sorry.. just wanted to say that I totally understand the struggle and hope you find a good solution.
My son is 7 and on the same medication... He stopped eating anything from about 2.5 years old and lives off a formula called kid essentials, he goes through phases of picking a single thing he decides is safe to eat and wants only that.. it'sonly either chips or yogurts... Right now it's salt and vinegar crinkle cut chips, if I let him he would eat 2 large bags a day... It's so hard to stop him cuz I know he feels hungry cuz his bottles dont do enough for his hunger and it's also at least good his eating anything...
Anyhow, best of luck!, minus ipad
plus outdoor unstructured play in giant forest park
easier said than done on all counts, assuming school / therapy / work commitments and such a park may not be easily accessible to you, Thank you so much for your detailed reply, yes I’m thinking high fibre and protein to feel full and I’ve hidden all crisps only having them a snack a play time at school., so it’s not a drastic change. I’m now started more fibre from today Weetbix for breakfast. We don’t have soda as and I will restrict juice to special occasions. It’s more after school he will eat all the snacks meant for play time at school. I’m In Australia and we have Milo bars, etc I might start making high fibre muffin bars and adding more protein everyday. Thanks again!, Hi yes thank you, he is also on adhd medication it’s Ritalin LA 30mg, but not made him less hungry., Hi there, I really have tried many things, my background is natural medicine. I’ve done gluten free, dairy free, probiotics, getting rid of heavy metals. Tried natural lithium. All to no avail. If there were some other way. I would try. I dislike he is on this medicine but he was miserable/ violent to himself and others and he has a life again., Yes thank you, best of luck as well ☺️, Yeah definitely agree, I’ve got to cut back on iPad time., I work in mental health with adults and the struggle of the hunger is REAL. Good luck, it's really hard because our bodies tell us we need really fast calories, like crisps. Of course, crisps do nothing for anyone's actual hunger, they are just delicious! Heck, I'm an adult and allistic, and I still want crisps!
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Went away for the weekend and I am really sad. Seeing how things could have been with my NT toddler nephew.
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I’ve been posting a lot on here for support, but I’m just in a bad place mentally. My son is 3.5 and level 3, no words, pretty extreme behaviors. He is in preschool and all the therapies except speech (on a waitlist), but has made very minimal progress.
My spouse and I went away this weekend and our son stayed with my mom. We stayed with my sil and her 2 year old. And it broke my heart. He said mama and dada and train and pointed and waved and brought us toys to play with him. If we wanted to go out to eat or outside, they just took him. They didn’t have to order carry out to avoid a meltdown in a restaurant. They didn’t have to mentally prepare themself for 30 min of trying to keep their child from eating rocks and escaping outside. It was just so easy for them. It was how it was supposed to be for us.
I feel like their 2yo tried to connect with us more in a few hours than my son has in 3.5 years. It broke my heart.
For the first time in 2 years, I wasn’t constantly on edge for elopement or meltdowns or pica. I was happy. I got to spend time with my husband, something that rarely happens because we have to work and then watch our son in shifts to get any type of sleep or restful time. I realized how much I missed him and how far apart we’ve been despite being in the same house.
My son didn’t notice when we left, and didn’t notice when we returned. He just walked right by me and went back to stimming.
My mom basically ran out the door the second we got back and will not be willing to watch him for more than 2-3 hours again. No babysitter can safely handle him, and we have no other relatives willing to watch him. Respite is an 8 year wait.
It’s a shitty bitter pill to swallow, that this is our life. I’m feeling really depressed and hopeless right now. Getting a glimpse of how life was supposed to be has sent me spiraling.
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I think this is a very common experience. My oldest son is now 9. I do want to tell you what you are experiencing now is likely not going to be the rest of your life. I have been there.
I won't bullshit you, it's usually a very long road with more work than most parents of NT kids could ever imagine.
I can do a lot more with my oldest now. Dance recitals, we can go to the beach. He stopped eloping around 6, 6 1/2. He's reading. He's always going to need help in life, but it isn't like it was when he was constantly destroying things, smearing poop, running away, you get the drift.
My sister-in-law actually remarked not long ago, "X is the best behaved child in the family now." Above her NT son. She isn't wrong!
Feel the feelings. This life is cyclical. There will be really depressing times. I still have them. But, I know they don't last.
Nothing in life is meant to happen - it is all chance.
You will get through it. From someone who has been there. I could not have imagined the progress my oldest would make in 6 years., You are still grieving the life you expected. Grief lies in wait and hits like a truck with the right triggers.
Time, not words, is what you need. But FWIW, I hear you and I am sorry for your pain.
One day at a time.
❤️ from one Autism Mama to another., When my kid was 3 I honestly wanted to elope myself. He had meltdowns over any new clothing item, over new food, over going to bed. He would bash his head on the floor when frustrated. He is 5 now and so different. He started talking a bit, no meltdowns, we went to the doctor's today and he behaved so well! He sat on a chair and waited for me, he let the doctor look at his throat 🤯 I dreaded this visit because I have sort of a PTSD from his earlier visits when he screamed bloody murder.
I'm still grieving that my kid is not NT but at least he is making progress in his own way.
I'm sure your son will make progress too. Take care of yourself to make it easier for you, even if your mom is willing to look after him for 2 hours, spend these 2 hours on a date with your husband in a nearby cafe (that's what we do). Maybe try therapy, it helped me. ❤️, Hello ! Can I just say that I understand how you feel completely. When my son was 4 I was really to give him up , my other son is in a wheelchair and my son with autism would pinch him and my life was so stressful , no sleeps, he would pull my hair and bite me and climb everywhere. Then I got him an iPad and he started school and everything completely changed .
He would spend hours listening to ABC songs and can now sing abc , he tries to mimic a lot more too , there are songs on there which calm him down ( the feelings song , Koko moon stories and sleepy paws ) he now looks at me and smiles and hugs me and now he's started school his sleep is better , his focus is better and he doesn't hurt anyone anymore ( unless he's really poorly )
Also when they go to school you can sleep or socialise which is something I couldn't do . An hour sleep and a hot bath does so much .
Edit , he's now 6 and changed so much in those two years . Don't give up, We’re in the same boat and have been doing it for 7 years. No one knows how to handle him. We’ve only gone on a few dates in 7 years. It’s sad and depressing. We’ve made it though and I keep holding my breathe for it to get better somehow. Someday my wife and I will be able to enjoy our company again. I miss the old days before kids. I love my kids, but it’s super hard., I get this. It’s hard. But trust me, he did notice when you left and returned, it’s probably why babysitters have a very difficult time. When my autistic child was 1-3 he would scream if I wasn’t home, and he wouldn’t let up. He’s six now and my mom is still nervous about watching him (he has stopped that phase).
I remember being at a restaurant and he was about 2ish and he just screamed and screamed. We left early. People were staring in judgement, probably pleading that we control our child. But now he does fine in restaurants. Your reality now won’t be your reality forever. Yes, he will always be autistic but therapies and services do help in the long run. Be patient and kind to yourself.
I remember another time when I’d get together with a friend at the time, who had a child the same age as mine. We went on a hike by a nature center and out of no where my child broke down and had a meltdown that lasted for 20 minutes. Her child was confused and asking a lot of questions about it. They were both 3 at the time and my kiddo was just getting out of talking strictly by echolalia and trying to converse in lines from books, tv, and movies. So he never asked questions like an NT child. No why or how’s. I remember having my own comparison moment that day.
He lived in a confusing world until age four when he finally started talking to us with his own novel sentences. Now at six he talks in a formal way, sounds like he’s older because he uses big words he hears in books and movies. For instance, he told me the other day “Wall-E is such a bore, I’d much rather watch Bluey” instead of “Wall-E is boring, let’s watch Bluey”. I love his quirks. I just hope other kids do too, my biggest concern now is bullying.
My point is that time will change your circumstance and your child may gain more abilities too. And he may not, but he’s yours and he loves you even if he doesn’t run up and tell you so., I had (still having) the same experience. Couple guys I grew up with, we all started families within 2-3 years of each other. I’m happy for my friends that have neurotypical sons, and enjoy visiting with em.
But I dont attend birthday parties anymore. When I’m in my buddies backyard, making sure my 9 year old, non-verbal son (wearing a diaper, so he doesn’t ruin furniture) doesn’t eat rocks….and I got some 7 yo birthday boy telling me how karate class is going, cracking jokes, etc.
I lock it up while I’m there, keep things light and conversational. But it’s alot to digest later on., This is pretty rough to read. My kid is lvl1 so although it is hard to do some stuff, it is way easier from what you described. I do relate tho, watching other kids with his age and how good they are and how self regulation are supposed to work and how they can just be happy. Our son is functional but social and emotional stuff is a disaster.
What I can say is - i believe we are two things at once, parents and care givers. You're his mom but you need a break from the caregiver part. If he doesn't seem aware you're gone, i could say that he does notice and care, just don't have the development (yet, hoping) to show this to you in a way you can understand. What I would do is spend some time energy and money trying to look for some way to take a break - looking for a caregiver that be with him while you take a break. Doesnt make you less parent, if this recharge you and makes you feel better with yourself and brings you back with more energy to help him, its a good thing.
Shit is hard as fuck. Wishing the best for you and your family!!, Sending you some love. I have two level 3 boys, one is 6yo and the other will be 3 1/2 next month.
I just want you to know that things will change. There’s such a huge gap between how my oldest son behaved when he was 3 and how he’s behaving now. He’s matured a LOT. He still needs a lot of assistance but his communication skills (verbal and nonverbal) have improved so much, and it has made his emotional stability better too. It’s what’s getting me through this time with my younger son.
I know you’re in the trenches, and it’s hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel. But there will come a day when it’s easier to do things together.
❤️ wishing your family the best!, He's still really young, and all that pain is fresh. It hurts less with time. I'd be lying if I said I didn't still have moments like that, but they are nowhere near as often as when my son was 3. 💕, OP, your post makes me feel seen. I have a neice and nephew the same age as my lvl3 kiddos. My neice is in color guard and plays lacrosse and the cello. My nephew is in robotics and is getting his learner's permit to drive. My oldest is in a secure residential facility due to aggressions and my youngest has *almost* got toileting down, but still smears crap and is lousy about washing his hands.
My sister has no idea how easy she has had it. (Oh and she thinks vaccines cause autism and I should have eaten more kale during pregnancy 🙄) Thankfully they all live in another state and I only have to tolerate them for holidays., When our child was 3 we shared many of the stresses you’re going through. Our child didn’t really start speaking in clear sentences until 3rd/4th grade, and even then some people who didn’t know him struggled to understand him at times. He had endless meltdowns, most come from their frustration from not being able to communicate properly, but as they grow their language, be it verbal or sign language, those meltdowns should reduce significantly. Now, he’s talking non-stop, has a few friends, does very well academically (honor roll), and is involved in multiple sports. YES, we had a very different life then those parents that have NT children but your experience in the end will be what you put into it. I know it’s hard not to focus on all the bad things, but you have to find ways to focus on the little successes and keep moving forward with optimism. Take time out for yourselves. Take a mommy day and then a daddy day where you each get a break. Look online for a professional that can sit once a month so you can take time with each other. There are sitters out there that have experience with kids that have ASD. I’m not going to lie and say it’s going to be easy, but it does get better., Reading all of these stories makes me finally feel seen. I have a sister with NT children and she would complain to me about how “annoying” it was that her older son, only 9 days apart from my own son, would constantly call for her, saying “mommy,” further complaining that he “never stops talking.”
It took everything in me to not burst into angry tears… my 7 year old has yet to say mommy/mama/clearly.. and I would k*ll for my son to want to talk to me and want my attention. I actually broke contact with her for months after that interaction and am only just starting to be interact with her again.
My mind goes into dark places.. like how between her and I, I actually wanted my son during our pregnancies. I had planned for him, did all of the right things, took prenatals, everything… while she had contemplated abortion sometimes and screwed off for most of her pregnancy. I kept wondering, “why me?” and then would feel awful because at my son’s core he is such an amazing kid. He’s sweet and will give hugs and kisses. Doesn’t speak but has his own little language and loves to sing. I would not change any of these things about him, I just wish so badly for him to talk… so any time I hear any parent complain about their children “never shutting up,” I just kind of lose it..
I also babysit my best friend’s daughter, and she’s a couple years younger than my son but does so well with him and is so self sufficient. When I pick her up from school she tells me about her day and wants to play and paint with me and I can’t help but compare and wish my son would be able to do the same..
So long story short, I feel you mama. And thank you for sharing because I feel alone sometimes when those thoughts come. I don’t have any answers for you unfortunately, as I am also trying to find my way.. but you are not alone., I'm not going to tell you in any way you are wrong.
I would say just focus on small wins. Even moment to moment wins no matter how small.
Our early intervention developmental therapist was super helpful in coming up with games and activities that developed interaction. This is huge. My son couldn't attend to an activity for 10 minutes without us having to be pulled for help all the time. We developed his skills of interacting with us and then entertaining himself.
My son found no joy in playing with us, and we felt like we had no idea how to get him to play with us.
We slowly learned what he liked and what motivated him.
I'm not going to lie. it's hard work and takes a lot of time, but take it in small steps.
It's really hard to look at other situations and not suffer a bit. But I try not to. I think of how to make the best of the situation for my son and for myself.
I also try to keep perspective and think about how hard some people have it with terrible situation they and their children are in. I went through tough times, and it helped me keep it more positive.
I think therapy is key. Talking to a professional can help greatly., I can relate to the constant feeling of fear. No one in my family has ever taken my son out in public - he lies down, runs away, won't hold hands, doesn't care about road safety.
Now he's 5, I'm hearing less of the "Aww, bless him" comments and more of the "OMG that kid is so naughty" comments from the general public.
If my son comes home from school with a bruise or a graze he can't tell me how he got it. This causes me so much despair. I'm trying to teach him that nobody is allowed to hurt him. He echoes it back but I'm not sure if he understands.
My family don't want to hear it - he's going to grow out of it and live a normal life., I feel the EXACT same way as you when I visit friends and family. My son is severely autistic and nonverbal, he doesn’t know how to act and ends up destroying/spitting/regurgitating when indoors. Meanwhile, my friends kids are doing so well. It breaks my heart, and then I feel guilty for hating how my son is and my jealousy.
Are there any autism caregiver support groups in your area? Being around other people who get it makes a big difference!, Unfortunately this is only the beginning. It’s only going to get sadder. Going through this with my teenager and hearing about other kids winning awards and driving and getting accepted into ivy league schools… The key is that you have to avoid being around families like this or kids of similar age. Honestly, avoid it for your own sanity.
Also just accept now that you planned a trip to Paris, but you’ve ended up in the Congolese jungle, and accept the jungle, learn to appreciate what you don’t have to do. You don’t have to be a soccer mom. You don’t have to deal with your kid doing drugs at parties or getting pregnant or dating idiots.
I’ve considered running away and starting a new life many times, but then I decide this is just my life and I better learn something from it, mental resilience or patience or something.
So yeah, avoid perfect families and focus on the positives of your unusual child., i’ve been in your same position, except my son is about to be 3 this weekend and his NT niece just turned 2. We had BIL & SIL over for the weekend so we got to interact with our niece and wow, she talks so much and understands so much. i’ve never had my son interact with me like she did and I felt so much sadness, if I could’ve I would’ve broken down right then and there but of course I couldn’t. I kept thinking about how I wish my son was like her but that’s gets me no where. your feelings are very valid!!! you are not alone., I feel u. I just got my kid kicked out of preschool just cos he disrupts school and he cant be negotiated with. But he takes sentences and use them whenever he needed to. No questions, no new self contructed sentences and an addiction to the screen.
But he went a long way from being a non interactive potato to the fella he was right now. And honestly, some of the things he did I (ashamedly) remembered doing the same when I was a kid. I never cared abt others’ stares as a kid and neither did my parents.
And i grew up fine. I told myself nt to give myself so much stress and blame. If I cared a bit less then it w be better for myself n my kid. But i rly feel u, going into eateries is a lot more difficult with him at 3.5 kicking at the baby chair and once out of the baby chair he will start climbing into others’ cubicles and disturb them. Any attempt to stop him or discipline him ends in tears. And yes like u we just wanted to have a good, simple, happy meal together without so much drama. And we saw so many families with such NT kids who had that while my kid is screaming and climbing all over the table and hotpot.
But look at how far u have come. U will be able to go further and hopefully see a spurt of growth, [deleted], Mm M
, What kind of extreme behaviors? And how do you know he didn’t notice you left? Because he didn’t run up to you and say “mommy”. Would you feel better if you had an NT child that cried the entire time because he missed his parents? Don’t get me wrong having an autistic child isn’t easy, but I think sometimes people get stuck in the wrong mindset about it. Try to understand how a ND brain functions and you can eliminate a lot of the meltdowns. My son is level 3 non verbal and is the most interesting person I know., That's not how life was supposed to be. It's like getting depressed because you don't have a billion dollars or a really good talent for sculpture. Your life is exactly as it was supposed to be. The question is if you can adjust to reality to continue to live in your expectations.
If you like both coffee and hot chocolate and someone hands you a cup and says "drink this up it's really good hot chocolate" but it really has coffee, even though you like coffee if you get trapped in your expectation of what you thought you were getting you won't be able to enjoy a thing you like. If you teach yourself the skill of recognizing and adapting to the many, many times life will not meet your expectations you can start to enjoy the things that it does provide you.
You should probably also stop assuming that because your child doesn't emote or perform reactions that he doesn't notice things. Likely he notices everything, he just doesn't have the social rule wiring that would direct him to indicate it. Without help learning to bridge that gap the only time his feelings will come out is when the stressors pile up and you get a meltdown. If you try to force him to behave like you expect (say, with something like ABA) you'll make the situation worse. He needs help finding a way to express himself in a way that works for how his brain interprets the world. Sometimes sound boards are the answer, as one example of how this gap has been bridged. Maybe his answer is something totally different.
Won't be easy, but y'all will have to figure it out together., Your family doesn't sound at all supportive and that really sucks. You and your husband need to have breaks. I can't imagine what that must be like. We don't have family in town, but we had friends who were willing to watch our kids until my oldest became old enough to babysit our youngest.
While the hard times are soul draining, I promise there will be wins and they will be incredible. Hang in there, and keep trying to find a willing sitter., [removed], I remember feeling like this- I couldn’t even look at people with NT sons the same age as my son who was further behind than the 3 year olds talking etc. it was very hard. I know it’s hard to see now but it will get easier. I used to think “where is our light at the end of the tunnel?” In between meltdowns and pica and the lot. Things aren’t always easy now even still but at 7 my son has made more progress this year than he has in his life. We’re living in the light now, but I know we will go thru more trials ahead. It’s just this life you have to go with the ebbs and flows of it. Sending hugs ♥️, Same pretty much except no family on my side around to babysit., i'm so sorry you are going through this. it's a lot to bear., Thank you so much for sharing your experience. Honestly it gives just a smidgen of hope, but that’s all we really need to keep going ❤️ wishing all the best for you and your family!, Thank you so much for this. My autistic kiddo is nearing 4 and finally, finally starting to show us some glimpses of what the future might hold. I'm carefully optimistic and really needed to hear your experience!, Nothing in life is meant to happen, it’s all chance. Remembering this. Thanks for sharing., Sidenote, that was very kind of your sister to make that comment to you., That sounds kind of amazing. I can’t imagine a doctors office visit where I don’t end up leaving in tears., My son does do preschool and aba. But that is during my work hours so there’s no resting or recharging then :( I do get breaks when my spouse gets home from work, we switch off days. But he’s often working from 7am to 7pm so by the time we eat dinner and get our son to bed the night is over.
I have tried to get my son to use an iPad or tablet and he just has zero interest. I’ve been trying for like 2 years. He also struggles a lot with fine motor so I’m sure it makes that difficult for him.
I really hope things get easier by 6 like it did for you ❤️, Whenever I take my son to the park and I see kids his age playing soccer.. I sometimes think back to when I was so excited while pregnant to teach him one day, because I had played for over ten years and wanted it to be a bonding experience. I try to tell myself maybe one day he’ll show an interest, but it’s hard when there’s daily reminders of what we all wished for initially and the reality of things. I’m learning to find new things to bond with him over. He seems to like classical music and dancing. Maybe your child has something of their own., Echoing that this shit is hard as fuck, Thank you ❤️
I kind of feel like I lost all my hope for any light at the end of the tunnel when my son turned 3 and still hadn’t said a single word. But I’m trying to get a little hope back., Kale preventing autism is a new one for me…your sister sounds *fun*…, Oh yea. I had to stop talking to a friend as much because she’d constantly send me videos of her advanced 2 year old speaking in sentences and saying “omg she’s driving me crazy! She’s too smart!” After I told her it was really hard for me to watch them or hear about how amazing her kid was doing every day.
My neighbors have kids the same age as mine and younger and they’re always outside playing and talking and it has not stopped hurting, every time I walk outside and hear or see them, it stings., Yep. I have known for awhile that as my son grows out of the cute toddler stage into little kid stage, the sympathy and giggles from others will turn to looks of annoyance and judgement. Sad to say I used to be one of those people who would judge a 6 year old throwing a fit at Walmart. I didn’t understand., The regurgitation. We deal with that off and on, he goes through stages with it then stops for 6 months then goes back. I think I have ptsd from it because I refuse to go to restaurants or pools with him alone after multiple self induced puking incidents. Anytime I even hear him cough I’m running to get a towel. It sucks., Yea people keep saying it gets better…but I think that’s really only true for people with mild kids. Maybe moderate. I don’t think it ever gets better with severe autism. Only different, sometimes worse, sometimes neutral.
I have tried so hard to be happy for friends and family with their nt kids and I just can’t. I’m jealous and it sucks that they have multiple kids who are all fine and they can just live their life. All I can hope for is that my son isn’t violent and mellows out a little.
I’m trying to work, keep the house clean, be a parent, be a caregiver, be a good spouse, do all his therapies, take care of my own mental health, exercise, etc. And I just can’t. There are not enough hours in the day and I’ve been burnt out for like a year now. My spouse helps as much as possible but they work a lot to try to support us since my job doesn’t make nearly as much income. I don’t have time for friendships or hobbies except playing some games or watching a movie twice a week., Any tips on how to do that? I’ve been trying to stop doing that for 2 years, but anytime I’m around nt kids, I just do it., I mean, to be honest, yes, I would prefer to hear my child say mommy or cry occasionally when I leave or just look in my direction when I say bye or return from being gone. It’s not a huge deal, but it does sting. I understand trying to be positive, and I have tried to be, but sometimes I just can’t.
However, that wasn’t really the main factor for me spiraling. It was just seeing how much easier it is for them. Every single thing is a struggle or a battle for us. For them, it just happens, they don’t even have to try., Why are you applying your experience to hers and trying to invalidate it? That's super awesome that YOUR level 3 child is the most interesting person you know but how does that apply to or help OP.
My child is level 3 non verbal, globally developmentally delayed with mixed expressive receptive language disorder and just said "hello" to me yesterday for the first time in his 4 years of life. I was happy about it and still am but if I could flick a switch and make him typically developing, "NoRMal" I would in a heartbeat.
Autism is awful. It's great you may not think so but obviously OP does and a lot of other people do as well. You can love your child but hate their affliction. Two things can be true at once., Lol if op have had an NT kid they could have just bring him with them..., I don’t think it is a matter of proper parenting that prevents meltdowns...
I have two autistic sons. One, lvl 1, struggled with melt downs, especially with transitions. One, lvl 2 now, definitely lvl 3 when he was younger, has had probably zero meltdowns in his entire life.
This isn’t a difference in parenting, this is just a difference in personalities., Imma guess from this response you are a lvl 1 ASD anti-ABA non-parent cause this is judgey and tone deaf af and NOT helpful to a parent in crisis. What OP needs is compassion and empathy, not a piss-poor attempt at giving advice through lousy similes. "Won't be easy"...no shit sherlock. Get outta here. You aren't being helpful., We both have it hard.
If you are able to write this all up on Reddit, you are light years above where my son will likely fall.
However, I do wish you the best and I am sorry for the struggles you’ve faced., My son is 6, high level 2/limited verbally and aggressive/violent when melting down. this last week was the first time since 2 that he didn’t lose his shit taking a height measurement at the doc. And we have been to a lot of appointments. It was the first appt we attended where I only got choked up, no physical tears, he did so well. Hang in there, I never thought it would happen, even if only this once., Exactly! You get it. We all bond & connect with our ASD kiddos, it’s just not the way we thought we would. Outsiders view it as weird, but they’re not in our shoes, so it’s ok.
OP’s experience is common. Kinda make peace with your reality, but once in awhile the universe reminds you of how other families function…and you can’t help but notice., She is the human embodiment of r/confidentlyincorrect., Seriously!! Have you gotten any help with it at all? Everyone I ask doesn’t know how to stop it!, It’s hard but you can grow to accept it and you can also leave them alone more when they get older and have more time for yourself., [deleted], Trust me, you still need a break from an NT toddler, Sounds to me like you're sensitive because you know you've done something wrong and rather than deal with those uncomfortable feelings you decided to lash out. I guess we should take away your internet until you can learn to act correctly., [removed], I couldn’t have said it better. So long as we’re doing our best each day that’s all we can do. I’ve made my peace for the most part as well. :), Unfortunately not really. Other than to offer him chewys that can’t go too far into his throat (so none of the stick ones), and make sure he has those so that maybe he will avoid putting fingers in his mouth and making himself puke.
I’ve also learned his triggers, swallowing any amount of pool water, (which sucks since he’s obsessed with trying to drink it), sticky foods, coughing, drinking too much milk, or certain cereals. Otherwise he just kind of stops it and starts it off and on., I'm not an Autism mommy warrior. I'm a parent who, like most parents I imagine, expected a healthy, typically developing child. I mean who hopes to have a child with a disability?
My child happened to not be typically developing. I love him because he's my child, because of who he is as a person and because he didn't ask to be here
What I don't love is that he will struggle in a world not made for him, and may need lifelong care, which would make him dependent on strangers after we die. Autism is in fact awful because it is a disability. It has not added to my child's life, it has only taken away.
Again, I'm glad you feel it's not awful, that's really just so awesome for you and yours, but you can't force your feelings on others.
Enjoy your day hun!, It’s always “autism mom warriors.” Never “autism dad/autism parent warriors.” I don’t like the implied insult in that label anyways, but why do you think this insult is almost exclusively used towards the moms of autistic kids? Rather than both parents or dads?
Would be interested in your opinion on that., Do you have autism? It’s always the level 1 high functioning people with autism that like to speak on behalf of all people with autism and act like it isn’t a disorder. Autism can be absolutely debilitating for a lot of people and exhausting for caregivers. It can absolutely be awful.
And not sure what point you’re trying to make with cancer being awful. Just because there are other terrible things in this world, doesn’t mean you can’t vent or acknowledge the terrible things you’re going through., Autism is awful for plenty of people. It doesn't mean that the parents think their children are awful. If I could saw off one of my own limbs and it meant my child would wake up tomorrow neurotypical then I would do it. He's a smart boy and I'm confident he'll be fine in the end and but i hate that life is unnecessarily difficult for him. He has to do all the normal learning tasks of a child his age *and* catch up his verbal skills *and* learn how to read social cues that aren't obvious to him *and* simply learn to navigate the world in a way that doesn't feel intuitive to him.
I love him and and I hate seeing him struggle so hard to communicate or to be frustrated in a new environment because he doesn't know what to do until someone lets him know he got it wrong. I hate how hard it is to keep his diet healthy because of his food aversions. When he is disregulated in a public space and I'm doing my best to give him what he needs I HATE the fucking busy bodies making snide remarks about him being spoiled or saying that they would beat him if he was their child. He doesn't deserve to hear people talk about him that way. He's the sweetest and best boy, who sometimes needs a break from everything.
I don't consider myself an autism mom or any kind of warrior because my kid is the one living with it. But it's my job to give him the best support I can, so his struggles are mine as well until he's old enough to not need my help anymore. And no worthwhile parent wants their child's life to be any harder than it has to be., Umm what’s going on bud?
Yea, we’re all on board with ‘cancer being awful’.
Probably some subreddits you could go to and vent about it.
OP is allowed to feel frustrated/burnt out about her situation. Ton of parents here that know what that’s like. Don’t know if supporting a stranger on here is ‘enabling’., Well, I needed one from my autistic DS, too, but sadly I don't get any bc noone would watch him.
I would prefer an alternate universe where at least my child is NT :), Try to remember that NT children are magical rainbow unicorns that never do any wrong. Unlike us ND people who are the bane of their parents existence. It's easier for everyone involved if we accept this. /sarcasm, Oookay that makes less sense than your original metaphors but whatever. Go ahead and keep it up with your pseudo-psychobabble because yet again, you have read the room wrong. Maybe go find some social stories to watch on YouTube about tact?, There’s no guarantee that any of our children will just “grow up” and not need our help anymore. My son is seven and I don’t believe my care for him will just magically stop at 18. I’m remaining hopeful but also staying real: many of these parents of children with autism will likely be caretakers for the rest of our lives. I worry about what happens if I die before him. I can’t even imagine my son having a partner or driving or having a job. I worry so much for him because I’ve seen how unkind the world is already. Of course his struggles will be greater than mine. As his mother, it’s my responsibility to support him however I can for however long I have to. So I don’t think anyone was trying to discount your struggles, but truly, you are still doing better than many of us can even hope to imagine for our child one day., I was actually thinking the same thing. She has a lvl 3 child, but when I hear people so defensive about it, they are usually HFA themselves., Oh no, not the autistic people voicing their opinions again.., Let me know if you find that alternative universe. I have lots of money for a ticket., I'm sorry anyone ever made you feel that way. My niblings are NT brats by the way., Despite the struggle I've had in life, I'd rather be me than be as pointlessly generic as you are., [removed], You can absolutely voice your opinion, but voice it about yourself. Your experiences have nothing to do with those of people with level 2 or 3. Frankly, I think they should be treated as different disorders. Your struggles (or lack there of) don’t represent anyone else except yourself., Honestly when I got to r/Aspergers all I see are people talking about how horrible it is to have level 1 autism. So going by that, the autistic people voicing their opinions are a majority of “this sucks and I wish I didn’t have this.”, Lol, yep. Guess I was right again., Will keep in my mind :), I did read your comment love, however, I was responding to the fact that you have a partner on top of all of that. You have navigated tremendously through your struggles to achieve what you have so far, as I’m sure many autistic adults have.
I am speaking specifically of the autistic population that does not develop enough to even be able to go into online forums and converse with the world the way that you speak of.
I’ll state this again: I am not discounting your struggles. But I sure do hope that, one day, my son will be able to hop onto Reddit forums like you and be able to speak about his experiences. At this time, I just cannot picture it. My role isn’t to argue with you or anyone on that issue, but to make sure he has a good life and is supported. That isn’t martyrdom, that’s parenthood., [removed], You’re actually the one who’s being ableist right now. Saying a spectrum disorder isn’t awful for some people because it isn’t for you and essentially denying the disorder in autism spectrum disorder sounds pretty ableist to me.
And I never said your opinion doesn’t matter. Your opinion is valid, but only when it’s about yourself or your own kid. Don’t project your experiences onto someone else.
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What Do We Tell Our NT Child?
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I have an NT daughter & a younger ASD daughter & ASD son. I feel really bad for my NT daughter. While she IS a “little mommy”, she is going to feel so responsible for her siblings one day. She’s young now but she has no idea what it coming down the road for her. I feel guilty about that. My wife pretty much dismisses it…probably one of the reasons my marriage has suffered. Also, I want to tell her not to have her own kids. Stupid..but ASD IS genetic & i don’t want her to go through this herself.
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Make plans for your ASD kids for when you pass, tell her about them, and you’ll alleviate that pressure. If she gets involved in their care someday because she *wants* to, then that’s fine. Don’t try to convince her one way or the other about kids. She’ll make her own decision in that regard., You tell her (when she’s old enough) she’s not responsible for your other children because she isn’t. You take steps to set your ASD kids up for success; don’t expect your NT daughter to do it and make sure she pursues her dreams. Having kids or not is her choice so leave it be. Support and love her. That’s all you can do., What makes you so sure that your NT daughter is the one who will not need any help or support later on in life? It can go both ways. I once dated an autistic man who was a very successful hedge fund manager and he had to financially support his working class parents and deadbeat NT brother. His family was helpless without him., my son with ASD is older, he is 16, my daughter is 12.5 and does not have ASD. My son is a level 2 and is high functioning but he needs a lot of support. I’m taking steps now to help him gain more independence and life skills. I’m hoping he can get to the point where he is able to live on his own so at the very least I don’t have to worry about him ending up in a group home of some sort. I’ve told my daughter already she won’t have to take care of him when me and my husband are gone. She was worried she would be his caretaker. Which I found surprising because I have never mentioned it or hinted at it. She’s never done anything for him either., The beauty of this sub is that the folks here tend to be well intentioned and thoughtful, so I will share what I’m about to say with that as context. STOP piling on about things you have no control over. Your NT child is a child, let them stay that way. Projecting fear and concern about what is to come can prevent them from enjoying the small moments now. Get your estate in order, get a line of succession to protect ALL your kids, which gives your NT and ND options. Even if you have a third party company as a final option, you have a plan. Lastly, there is no promise that life won’t break your heart. NT, ND, any of it. We all have to do our best for our children, but I would not suggest letting the worry of the future guide you to tell your child not to have kids, or not to enjoy the present., This is gonna sound kind of harsh, but if she grows up feeling responsible for her sibling that’s on you, and will be your fault as parents. It’s not a default, it’s a series of bad choices parents make, called parentification.
Natural empathy and desire to help from a sibling is a wonderful thing, but it’s your job to create boundaries and to not create a situation where that caring results in her doing your job. Even when it’s endearing, or minor.
As far as not wanting her to have her own kids or have to go through this… ffs go to therapy and work out your own problems and don’t project them on your children anymore. Raising autistic children isn’t always easy, often it’s really hard. My son is high support needs, my daughter has lower support needs behaviorally but higher in school. I called them high maintenance babies as infants and toddlers lol. But raising autistic kids is also a beautiful experience, and when done right results in some absolutely amazing children. Our autistic children are worth the effort., Make sure your NT daughter has “me time”. Take her out for special weekly or monthly hang outs with the two of you.
Even if she doesn’t understand the logic, she will understand that she is special, too. Make sure that she feels empowered to have tough days and bad moods. Oftentimes parentified children (speaking from experience) feel they cannot express any negative feelings in fear of contributing to the existing stress of the family. This can cause them to isolate and lots of mental health issues but luckily can be easily helped as long as you make sure you don’t constantly hold her to a higher standard.
Let her feel shitty, let her have a crappy day when she does and support her. Make sure she knows her feelings are just as important and just as legitimate, Please do not tell your child to not have kids because of autism. Could you imagine how your autistic children would feel if they heard or understood that you shared such a sentiment?
Allow your children to make their own choices about their lives - especially if they choose to procreate with the chance of their child being autistic., I agree that she should be raised to follow her own dreams. That said, this idea that family is not responsible for each other is this fairly new idea fostered by 'American exceptional individualism' and to an extent it is bullshit. We should feel responsible for our family members. We should *want* to take care of our family members.
Should this girl be parentalized? No. She should be raised in a way that she has compassion and *wants* to look after the well being of her siblings., If there is a way to get your NT daughter therapy I’d suggest it. My own therapist suggested it and feels it is important for all siblings of special needs kiddos. My younger NT kiddo is also a “helper and fixer” and is struggling (according to her therapist) with noticing and advocating for her own needs., Yes. She is also likely to be healthcare proxy & trust administrator etc so it’s not as simple as “Go Follow Your Dreams”. It’s way off but still there., All of this! What if something happens and she needs more help than her brothers. Even to the point of Heaven forbid becoming disabled themselves. being born NT doesn’t mean u remain NT for the entirety of ur life., I don’t mind saying that ASD has “layed me bare” as a person. I remember daily how happy & easy my life was being married with 1 NT child. It doesn’t really speak too well of me as a father. All I do is watch my 2 kids struggle with basic things & wonder how will they survive let alone have an independent fulfilling life. Then I feel guilty by thinking that they were done no favors by being brought into this unforgiving world. My oldest child has the best chance but she is going to feel compelled to watch over her siblings. Who knows what opportunities she will give up?, That’s not your decision to make for her, and not an acceptable expectation to have for her. That’s your job until the day you die if necessary and still her choice once you’re gone., You should make her fully informed about her genetic background when she’s old enough to understand. I wish my parents were cognizant of their neurodiversity when I was younger., She can decline if she wants to, and it's your job until you die.
Definitely have a conversation with her about this once she's old enough (an adult), but make sure she knows that this isn't something she is forced to do.
You might be able to find a family member or friend willing to take over if she doesn't want to or doesn't feel ready to yet, or they will become wardens of state. Depending on their current age and abilities, it might not come this far - therapy and just getting older can really help autistic children be more independent as adults, and you don't stop maturing once you're 18 either.
I don't know how old your daughter is, but unless she's an adult and agreed to this it's unfair to raise her to be your other children's caretaker one day., Not sure why so many downvotes. I definitely expect that my NT child will make sure his siblings are ok when I'm gone and am mindful every day of making sure I'm parenting to the best of my ability to make sure that a deep bond is fostered between them instead of resentment (mostly by not allowing his 3 year old dictator of a baby brother get away with stuff that I would otherwise maybe let slide) because I need to know that he's gonna be their advocate when my husband and I are gone if they are not able to advocate for themselves.
I don't know if I'm the one that's uninformed or if others are unaware of how little government support there is for adults with autism (esp on the mild-moderate side, so those who aren't "impaired" enough to qualify for significant support, yet are still not capable of complete independence), but I've personally developed a pretty grim outlook on the future since we are in the boat of making too much money to qualify for any support, yet don't make enough to put away large amounts of money to pass on with lawyers and whoever else hired to oversee when we're gone. I mean we own properties and will have SOME savings, but not enough to know our kids will be fine and don't need anyone to look out for them. I think healthcare proxy and trust administrator sounds well within reason for a sibling. But I too worry greatly about how that will impact my NT child as well and hate that he will have that hanging over his head (and you can take me and my expectations out of the equation honestly bc my boys are all so extremely close at this point that I can't picture him not choosing to make sure they're ok). I would love to hear what those are doing to prepare for the future who don't have the luxury of being in a financial position that allows them to not have to worry about their nd children when they're gone., I'm the oldest and by far most successful child of my siblings. My sister is a fuck up who had been homeless several times due to mental illness. My brother brain damaged himself in basic training and will never live an independent life. How does this effect me? It doesn't. It's not my responsibility. I filled in for 3 months while my brother was hospitalized until my mom could get there and that was the last I had to deal with my brother's issues. I learned about most of my sister's many many life fuck ups after the fact. My parents don't consider it my responsibility even if I did a lot of help with my siblings as a kid. My sister has always been mentally ill. My brother has horrific asthma and has always made terrible decisions that injure him. He just made a particularly bad one in basic.
My parents let me have hobbies and extracurriculars and friends along with providing age appropriate support. When I got out of the house they didn't talk about thr negatives and being 4 hours away I couldn't know. They gave me the chance to live my life as I wanted. Do that for your kid., You can’t put the horse before the cart. Your daughter is entitled to her own life, and if your children as adults cannot care for themselves you need to look into resources to plan ahead. If your children are still pretty young, and it sounds like they are, there’s a lot of time for growth and development still.
My cousin is in charge of everything for her disabled brothers when my uncle passes. It’s a choice she’s made, but she’s lived a full life and will be in her 50’s by the time that comes to pass. She loves her brothers and wants to care for them because she had the freedom to live., There’s a lot I relate to in what you have written here.
There’s a lot that plays in culturally and in family dynamics that influences our understanding here.
We are a super tight knit family, with 1 NT son aged 6 and 1 ND daughter aged 4.
My boy has always been a helper even before his sister was born or diagnosed. He just loves helping with things.
I talk to him all the time about working hard, being there for people and thank him for doing all that. This does not mean he isn’t encouraged to have fun and pursue his own ambitions - these things aren’t mutually exclusive.
I do plan to talk to my son about having children, to make him aware of the genetic link because I think making informed decisions is better (my mother told me her two cousins had autistic children after my daughter and my brother’s son was diagnosed - might not have changed our decisions but good to have been prepared for the possibility rather than sideswiped with the diagnosis!).
I think my son will want to be there for my daughter, and I do not know what her future holds, but if he feels he can’t then I’ll prepare for that.
But you are right, autism lays us bare and there is no right way to approach this, so everyone saying ‘bad parenting’, ‘that’s on you’ or ‘work it out’, are hardly worth noting because there is no absolute, you have to make the best decision you feel is right based on your family circumstances and dynamics.
Just wishing you all the best for the future in the cruel world.
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What are the interventions for a 12 month old?
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Hello, my daughter was deemed by her pediatrician and a speech therapist to have a high likelihood of autism. Of course it’s a lot to take in for me, but both of these professionals stated that early intervention is key and to regularly attend speech therapy, meet with a psychologist and a neurologist. I’m just wondering what these therapy sessions are supposed to look like when one of the reasons she got diagnosed is that she doesn’t follow directions or imitate - so how can any speech or play therapy be productive? I’m quite confused as to what they will be doing with her and how that will be helpful. Of course, I want to get my daughter all the help she needs but I’m a single parent and I work full time, all these appointments will be hard to accommodate and cover financially (it’s all out of pocket), so I want to make sure it will be helpful. Has anyone’s one year old attended any therapies to address their autism(suspicion)? Could you please share your experience? My daughter got pre-diagnosed because she doesn’t talk (no mama, dada, baba etc), she doesn’t point with her finger, she doesn’t follow directions and only copies behaviors when she wants to not when she’s asked to, she doesn’t wave goodbye. She smiles a lot and maintaines great eye contact, good social interaction overall, so I’m hoping she will be on a lower end of the spectrum even though everything can change within months. Any wisdom and advice is appreciated.
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This doesn’t add up. First, are you in the states? Contact your counties Babies Can’t Wait (google it) for EI so you aren’t paying out of pocket. But mainly, the milestones she’s being flagged for aren’t 12 month old milestones. Pointing with finger isn’t delayed until 18 months. She’s not supposed to be able to follow commands right now. She’s definelty not expected to be talking right now. 3 words are expected by 15 months. If she’s not babbling then that’s a delay but doesn’t necessarily mean Autism. Waving goodbye isn’t something to be hung up on at her age. She should be reaching to be picked up now. She should be starting to give/show but isn’t delayed on these until 14 months. I would go to the CDC website and look up milestones for her age and address those at her next appt. Also look up the ASQ for an 11 month old and see where she scores on that. Address that at the next appt. too. Seems like the expectations are not appropriate. All this to say early intervention never hurt anyone but I’m just speaking to the anxiety a parent experiences when they’re told their kid has delays bc that might not be the case., Is your daughter exactly 12 months old? Because I'd say diagnosing a baby this young by those symptoms is a big stretch. At this point, it might be just the fact she's too busy teething or learning to walk. I have an autistic 3 yo (who did all of those milestones on time) and a neurotypical 15-month-old who doesn't do some of the things you mentioned and started doing others just recently. I've never seen a more social, engaged, and overall neurotypical child in my life., You're paying out of pocket?
Early intervention is important for children with suspected autism because in the event they are actually diagnosed, they are already receiving the fundamental help they need. These developmental delays are also best to work on at a young age because once they get older, the treatments aren't as effective for various reasons. It could be the difference between your child being entirely nonverbal years from now or not. It's best not to risk it. I risked it. I was skeptical and didn't want to accept my daughter's delays as a condition. Now that she's 6, I regret every day that we didn't get help sooner. The second they told me her younger sibling needed intervention, I took it, and it's working. Don't be like me., 12 months does seem crazy young to be diagnosed to me 🤷🏻♀️
I first started noticing CONCERNING signs around 18 months. (still wasn't talking, all 5 kids in his preschool class would be playing together, he would be off on his own, etc). But he wasn't diagnosed until 3.
There were signs before that (lining up toys, not answering to his name, the lack of pointing thing, etc.
As I said, my son does have an ASD diagnosis, but don't let people convince you that she's automatically a level 3 just because concerns are raised early. My son would cry when people made eye contact with him and wasn't social at all (really until this year- age 4) but he's diagnosed as level 1 and doing fantastic in pre k now.
But the reality is, there's just no way to know either way. So it's good to get ahead of the game with speach or whatever you want to, but don't be scared. All kids hit milestones differently whether they're neurotypical or neurodiverse., Typically developing children spend their entire infant year observing, emulating, and learning from older children and adults. They meet most of their milestones through their early childhood years by doing this.
Autistic children typically have difficulty with joint attention, imitation and motor planning. This is why most autistic children will present with a developmental delay. The cues they missed as infants were critical to future development.
Early intervention in a 12 month old will look like play. Playing with a preferred toy with another individual can set the tone for joint attention. Playing gives children an opportunity to communicate. Early intervention at this age (and good job getting started so early) will be working on the foundational skills your child didn’t master in her infant year to set the tone for more advanced skills later.
It’s a long journey but you are on the right track and way ahead of the game. Typically developing kids usually develop like a pyramid where the foundation has to be sturdy to build on top of this. Neurodiverse children often have splinter skills so you may find that your child develops in a typical pattern in one area, are far ahead of their developmental age in another area and may be severely delayed in a subsequent area., -Supposedly, and I just learned this babies are actually officially a toddler at 1 years old. My baby girl will be 1 year old and 9 days! I know a long time ago she became not a newborn, and referred to as an infant, I still think toddler is a little bit away, and I would like her to maybe start daycare when she starts walking. Just because some kids start walking very early, I'd rather her not be pushed around or whatever, but it could help her walk faster Also.
-First off, this being my first child I have learned a lot from talking to other moms, they learn to walk at different ages, my baby can pretty much stand on her own sometimes but she does prefer to crawl. I know she'll learn in no time I don't think this is something that she is developing slower, I think it's kind of a preference for how they like to move around or what they're used to or what's fastest or whatever.
-She is randomly saying words, but I don't think she's exactly referencing the word to what it is exactly. The first word that I noticed she actually said and seem to reference what it was, was "bubbos" (I was blowing bubbles)
Which by the way I totally suggest, it is so enjoyable to see her face light up.
-But then, next time you blow the bubbles, she won't say the word again, so remember to say these words of course for them and try to reference them. (Before you give them their bottle, say "Do you want your baba??" Try to get her/him to say the word first, but don't keep it from them cuz that will confuse them also so just try a little bit and if it doesn't work, give it to them and try next time.
-I've also noticed that she is now very obsessed with other babies and kids, I'm the first one out of all three of my other sisters to have a child, and she's also the first grandkid and first grandchild on both me and her dad's side. So no first cousins either, so I really really suggest,
Bringing your kid to the library! Many of them have events, play time for baby / toddlers, storytime ECT. She will literally yell at the top of her lungs when she sees a kid / baby.
-I know this is an opinionated topic but I wouldn't introduce too much screen time, but I also don't think it's a hugest "No no" either. But for my baby at certain times, we will put on one episode of Barney, and then that will be it. Having a TV on constantly, are probably not suggest because he really want them to start learning developmental things. She is noticing my phone though, and how important it is to other people and likes to stare at it and try to grab it.
-food items differ, my lil one, has EIGHT teeth and is about to turn one, I've met other babes that are 15 months and have 4, sometimes less... So she was obviously really wanting try real food, haha. Yet of course make sure of all choking hazards, break it into small pieces, she can even eat little pieces of pizza and stuff like that, but make sure it's chewable. But of course she does still enjoy her bottle, I must confess I love bottle time, it's really a bonding time. She didn't understand the straw two handle cups, so we're starting her at sippy cups ASAP.
Even being a first-time mom talking to many other moms, this age differs for a lot of babies / toddlers. And they're walking, in their teeth ECT.
-I also feel like this is a young age to say they have a developmental delay, because of the things I just included. I've heard only certain ones are red flags, if they are not babbling at all, if they are not following eye movement, ECT. , Early Intervention works but if you don’t have the money, I recommend purchasing “Let’s Talk About Talking” by Laura Mize. It has like 100+ activities you can try to strengthen the 11 prelinguistic skills. I did these with my son before he was in EI, but it was really exhausting for me to therapize him. It’s a lot of work and planning. And progress can be very slow. It was draining and while I do continue to work with him, I don’t feel as much pressure to solve everything on my own., How did your daughter go?, Hello, would you mind sharing how it went with your daughter?, I was a bit surprised with how certain they both were about this, already talking about putting my daughter in special ed etc. A part of me expected to have a child with autism to some extend because I have pcos (there is a mild correlation between the mother having pcos and a child having autism) but I always thought unless there are VERY clear signs more along the lines of flapping hands, no eye contact and no reaction to name and literally ticking all the boxes, that they don’t diagnose until at least 2 years old. However, I downloaded an app called ASDetect and it also stated that there is a high likelihood my daughter has autism. She is one week away from being 1 year old. We were asked to see a neurologist and a psychologist for both therapy and confirmation of the diagnosis. We already had 2 professionals and an assessment app point to autism but maybe it’s just a multifaceted delay…, You are right, however, do you think an intervention at 12 months be effective? I just can’t imagine what it would look like. The speech therapist put her fingers in my daughters mouth (two adults needed to hold her down for that to even be possible) and she was scream crying not only during but also for 15 minutes after we left the office. I can’t imagine subjecting her to something like that on a weekly basis and I’m not sure it could even be helpful, I just don’t understand the mechanism. Would you mind sharing what the interventions looked like for your younger child? And while I’m no expert here (hence asking), I wouldn’t beat yourself up about your older child not getting the earliest possible intervention, there is no telling if that would have helped her with being verbal., Of course, I think that if the help is available, it's better take it now and not have the kid build up baggage around being unsupported for years, but all is not necessarily lost if they for whatever reason, don't have intervention at barely a year old. Autism wasn't even on me or my husband's radar remotely until our autistic kid was finishing up 5th grade. Our brains, while not quite the same as in early childhood, have plasticity for our entire lives.
My 26-year-old working grad student who didn't have anything you could reasonably call an autism-specific intervention until age 15, almost 16 (but we still didn't know it was ASD for several more years and were just throwing stuff at a wall without a diagnosis), would have a chuckle at this notion., Moreover- my son was put in speach therapy due to speech delay when he was 18 months (before his ASD diagnosis) and it did 0 bit of good. If he is not talking to me, he sure as hell is not talking to a stranger he sees for 30 minutes once a week. He didn't dislike therapy, but it did nothing for him. He was just a late bloomer. Same with potty training. But he was early on physical milestones like walking, etc.
I chose not to do ABA
He doesn't need OT
So really we don't do therapy at all, I've just had to learn how to observe him and decrease meltdowns and adapt to what he needs (smaller class size etc). But that will come later.
One last thing- I was a working single mom most of my son's life too (I'm remarried now) but I see you ❤️, Thank you, that makes sense. I’m just wondering how the speech therapy would work, I guess just repeating words and hoping that at some point she will try to imitate?, Also my baby I forgot to add, she hasn't yet learned how to wave,
Yet she does once in a while try to clap her hands, and she's trying to babble. I know from reading your post the only red flag is that your baby hasn't tried babbling. She doesn't even need to know what the words exactly mean but usually by this age, and in every country actually, no matter the language they start saying baba, or dada, sadly I've only got a mama maybe once or twice..
She has started to put one finger out and likes to have another person put their one finger and connect it with hers, like ET 😂, Sure. She is almost 16 months now, still no real words. She says mama and baba and other random syllables but no meaning (like she babbles “mama” all the time but not in reference to me, just in general). She can communicate in non verbal ways, like share her head no or lean towards the thing she wants. She can walk (started independently at around 13 months), loves other children and smiles/laughs quite a bit. She can clap, wave and imitates some things like tries to put on her shoes or wipes when something gets spilled. She tries to imitate miss Rachel (which is hilarious). She points at things but not when asked. If you ask her “whee is mama?” She will turn towards me but not point. She is absolutely terrified of hair dryers and doctors/medical personnel.
Still no diagnosis, pediatrician still concerned, especially because of her fears and speech delay. I was asked to see a geneticist and do genetic tests on her because “it could be autism or a genetic disorder” - I haven’t done that or speech therapy for financial reasons, waiting for her to turn 18 months and if there is no improvement, I will do it. I must note that I speak to her in my native language, the nanny often in her native language and she watches miss Rachel and coco melon occasionally which is in English, so I’m hoping the delay could be explained by being in the presence of many languages.
Interesting fact - she is allergic to eggs. We went to see an allergist and I mentioned in passing that her father had allergies as a child but grew out of them, he always claimed they were caused by a difficult childhood. The doctor asked me is he has Asperger’s because apparently in her experience childhood food allergies have a high correlation., I don't know enough here but if they're that certain at that young an age its either really obvious or that is one sharp pediatrician.
Speech therapy and OT are a slow grind, especially when it's only 30-45 min once per week. We've seen a bit of progress with our lower level kids but it seemed a waste with our level 3 because of her behaviors. We only saw a little progress in preschool and much more once we got access to ABA years later than we should have because it required relocating to another state for it.
The number one thing is to get her in early intervention if that's not already where the therapy is coming from. At 3 years old when she ages out she'll automatically qualify for ECSE preschool.
Next is get that diagnosis. That will open the door to ABA, more speech/ot sessions on a lot of insurance plans, and possibly a whole bunch of supports, financial assistance, and Medicaid depending on your state., My kid started speech therapy at 18 months and nobody has ever stuck their fingers in her mouth. That seems weird to me, but they must have been trying to check for some physical issue that could effect speech. It really should not be something that happens again in speech therapy sessions. My daughter only had speech until we added OT and play therapy at 5. 12 months is too young to diagnose autism and I personally wouldn’t go hard on interventions at this age (and where I am not talking doesn’t even trigger a referral to speech therapy until 18 months). Not saying do nothing right now, just don’t feel obligated to do a lot or “everything,” especially if you can’t get insurance-covered or public EI. I don’t know where you are, but if you’re in the US public early intervention is available to all children., That is not something that should happen during speech therapy at all. There are physical issues that can impede speech development, but sticking a finger in her mouth is a very ineffective way to check and not the job of the speech therapist in the first place. I'm assuming she had physical exams and a hearing test done already, if not that's something to get done asap.
I'd drop the current speech therapist though, or at least think about it.
Good therapy means meeting children where they are - for example, if they like swinging it might mean pushing them on a swing and telling them what you're doing, then slowly starting to slow down and push harder if they interact/make a noise/indicate they want to go higher. A big contributor to babies ability to talk is the parents response to their attempts. Autistic children often have different motivations and struggle to understand that their communication means something (i.e. if I point at this, I'll get it), so that's a big focus of speech therapy.
Basically, they should be working on your daughter understanding that she can manipulate peoples actions by her own actions - the first step of that is often hand leading (physically putting people where she wants them), then things like pointing and sounds/words. Speech therapy is a misleading term, it works on communication as a general skill set and that's much more than speech., Thank you for All This! ❤️, Laura Mize is a brilliant speech therapist on YouTube and I encourage you to check her out. One thing she always talks about are the 11 prelinguistic skills that occur before speech is likely to develop (in a functional way)
[pre-linguistic](https://teachmetotalk.com/2018/07/30/sorting-out-the-11-prelinguistic-skills/)
Before working on actual speech your 12 month old will work on the skills that develop before speech.
Social Skills
Skill #2 Responds to People
Skill #3 Turn Taking
Skill #5 Joint Attention
Skill #11 Initiation
Receptive Language/Cognition
Skill #1 Responds to the Environment
Skill #4 Develops a Longer Attention Span
Skill #6 Plays with a Variety of Toys
Skill #7 Understands Words and Follows Directions
Expressive Language
Skill #8 Vocalizes Purposefully
Skill #9 Imitates
Skill #10 Uses Gestures to Communicate
These are things that typically developing infants naturally learn from 0 to 12 months and skills that autistic toddlers often need help practicing to attain functional speech., Mine 10 month old is not babbling and we did a dev paed 10 days back. During our appointment, he babbled, pointed to a bus from the doc’s window and the doctor sent us off saying he has no concerns.
The whole day go by and sometimes he just makes mmm sound. I am so worried.
Your daughter has no sign now except for speech. So many kids speak after 1.5 years of age. Hope yours picks up soon, I wouldn't scare her like that at all. Her daughter is doing more than my son was at 12 months (he would cry if people made eye contact and social at all). He didn't speak until he was 2 1/2,.
Anyway - he's diagnosed as "level 1 mild to moderate" now. But there's just no way of knowing at 12 months, that's still a baby., Laura Mize is amazing! I bought her prelinguistic skills book. Using one of her strategies, I taught my son the give gesture when he was 13 months. It was his first gesture., I understand your concerns because I was/am there myself but let me reassure you a bit. In my country the old wives tale is that boys start talking later. My brother didn’t babble until 13 months, nobody was concerned back in the day (he is neurotypical and grew up to be successful in the IT industry). Some children don’t do consonants at all, they go straight into words. Also, your son reminds me of my daughter- it’s clear that they CAN do it, they just don’t :D it’s hard not to worry, but looking back I wish I wasn’t so stressed a few months back. Yes, autism is still a possibility, the speech delay is more than likely but i will only worry about this once an intervention is possible. Don’t worry so much, mama!, I'm not trying to scare her, but you nailed it. She's just a baby. To already be so sure its either really obvious, or that is one sharp pediatrician.
I've never encountered such a sharp pediatrician to identify concerns before the 18 month screener.
Even then, half the time they're jackasses that said "nah, he's fine" as we went on to get a ASD diagnosis on our own because we knew better from experience.
But yea, I went ahead and edited to make it a little less .. 'shocking'?
Either way the earlier you identify and intervene, the better. Our third child we identified and got into EI quickly because we knew better by then, despite the aforementioned jackass doctor. He started as a level 2 but he's likely level 1 with how far he's progressed in the past year receiving Speech, OT, PT, and BI from Early Intervention. I don't know how much to credit them for that, but it certainly didn't hurt to aggressively pursue. I don't know how much better off our older level 3 child might be had we known then all that we know now., She reallyyyyy is. That is awesome 🤩, Thank you for sharing your brother’s speech progression with me.
Sometimes I can’t breathe and hold my son so tight and keep repeating mama, baba , dada to him. Today my husband got so irritated by me and asked me to just leave the room.
Even till 10 years back, no one talked about these delays related to autism but now every search page does.
I really really pray things turn out fine, That is a good point! Early intervention does seem to make a huge difference in a lot of cases.
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What can I do to help my son feel more valued and seen?
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I'm a neurodivergent mom (severe ADHD) of an amazing 9-year-old boy who is mild-to-moderately high-functioning autistic and ADHD, and I'm looking for advice from adults who may have similarities with my son when they were kids and what their parents could've done to help them feel more seen, valued and loved as a child.
I'll tell you a little bit about my son...
He's a brilliant kid who has the absolute funniest sense of humor, is so talented at gaming, loves learning new things, is a math whiz, loves to draw and so much more. He just entered the gifted program at school, and his favorite school days are benchmark testing. He was the tiniest little baby when he was born. I had preeclampsia and nearly died during an emergency c-section with him. I breastfed him for 19 months until he weaned himself when I got pregnant again. I began to notice significant sensory issues with him when he was about 18 months old, mainly related to clothing and food textures. We started occupational therapy when he was about 2 1/2, and continued OT sessions for several months at a time until I finally got his diagnosis when he was 5 1/2. He can articulate very well and has a huge vocabulary, even though he was delayed in really speaking beyond just a few words until after his 2nd birthday. We've done OT, MNRI therapy, play therapy, and we still do counseling. He's overall a decently well-adjusted boy, but he still struggles with some things.
He struggles with impulse control, outbursts, flexibility and adjusting to change, negative self-thoughts or feeling like he isn't worthy to live, very black-and-white thinking with no room for gray areas or flexibility, food and textures, and toileting.
I'm divorced and now remarried, and he and my daughter are with me every other week. We are a very connected family, always spending time together, having inside jokes, lots of laughter and dance parties. Nearly every night, I rub his feet before bedtime as that's one of the few ways he can settle down and actually fall asleep, and we talk about his day, whatever topics he's currently obsessed with etc. I also use this time to remind him how loved he is, talk about outburst he may have had that day and how he could've handled things differently etc. It's really just our time to bond and even though some nights the last thing I want to do is rub smelly 9 year old boy feet, it fills up his cup and makes him feel loved.
He has always done well at school -- he's well known with his teachers for being respectful and helpful. He's usually one of the few kids who remembers just about every adult's name at school, and calls out a greeting to them regularly using Mr or Ms. The only time he's gotten sent to the principal's office was in 1st grade when he refused to join in with his classmates during a Thanksgiving play. He hated the song they were singing about Thanksgiving and pulling on deer skin boots, because in his mind, all he could see was that the deer had been killed, skinned and was now being worn, and to him that was just brutal, so he flat refused to participate in that song, and managed to get himself sent to the principal 🤣
He's an amazing kid on so many levels, but lately he's convinced that when he makes a mistake or messes up, he's just a bad kid through and through and he talks about how he can't do anything right, doesn't deserve to live etc. He's convinced that his sister gets her way with everything and he's the only one who gets in trouble. Explaining to him that she gets in trouble in different ways than him doesn't seem to get through. She is 2 years younger than him, and she's a peacemaker. She's the type of kid that you look at cross eyed, and she will immediately straighten up, whereas he will dig his heels in and continue to do whatever it is you asked him not to do. Since she doesn't lose her electronics a few times a week like he sometimes does, he's convinced that she's the favorite and we all baby her. This leads to a lot of resentment from him, as well he's heard that "nobody cares about the middle kid", and now that he has a step brother that puts him as the middle kid, he's dead set that he's unimportant and unloved, and nothing I say or do seems to change his mind.
So I'm asking for help here from others who have grown up similar to my son, and who also maybe struggled with feeling valued and loved when your brain has such a hard time seeing the nuances and undercurrents of love and affection. How can I help my son feel like a valued part of the family, and reach through to him that just because he makes mistakes and acts impulsively, he's still an amazing human who deserves so much. I'm worried his negative self talk will continue as he grows older and manifest into self harm, and honestly it just breaks my heart to think that he views himself the way he does. I'm already so much of a gentle parent, so it's not like I'm spanking him or anything like that when he gets in trouble...he loses electronics or other privileges like staying up late or having control of the TV remote when he's really crossed a line, but how can I cushion his consequences while still keeping boundaries so that he feels loved, valued and seen?
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Look a lot like my kid - the more high function they are the more they'll struggle with emotions and social stuff. I'll say what my kid therapies are working on now - It is awesome that we the parents show him suport and love despite whatever.
But he needs to learn to be proud of himself. Needs to learn self worth and that he belongs, hes part of the family and school class and everything no matter if hes a good boy or a bad boy., Also - how is he with his peers? Kids his age? You mention he is great with adults and don't "misbehave", but how far can he socialize? Does he want to socialize, but can't?
Every time my kid tries to socialize with another child and fails, hes miserable for like a week., He has a few really good friends and he seems to get along well with them. They occasionally get mad at each other at school, but seem to make up the next day. They are often starting clubs or little groups. He’s been friends with a few of them since kindergarten. He’s always afraid he won’t make friends when we have a new event or something, but he usually makes a friend without issue., I see. I always try to separate what issues are from an autistic kid from what issues are from a 5yo kid, or whatever age kid are. They overlap and are not the same. One advice is - kids knows how to get their way and from the profile you describes, he can totally use emotions and say stuff that triggers you or whoever is with him to get his way.
My kid say "people don't like me". Like, he need to be in school and always say "people dont like me there". We found theres 2 ways he uses this - one is to try to escape whatever he wants to escape. And two if the person he is saying that ia giving him activities or demanding something from him, and he doesn't want to do.
And this escalated to the point that we would no longer know what is true what isnt. I asked him blank one time - "are you lying to me?" he said yes.
If you kid seems happy, is socializing, is growing up, i think everything should be fine.
My kid is agressive to others and to himself, but only say weird suicidal stuff on meltdowns now. Used to be all the time., This is honestly where I'm struggling the most. He's so smart, and he knows how to push those buttons. He is generally happy and socializing well, and then the harsh things he says about himself are typically during meltdowns (and yeah, I mean meltdowns when I say outbursts...The closest I can describe it is that he gets this look of panic in his eyes, and he's like a caged animal when he has a meltdown. It's like he's grasping for any sense of control in the situation and panicking when he feels essentially backed into a corner). And yeah, during those moments, he lashes out and says lots of things. But then, at night, when we are talking often, he will say things like he doesn't deserve to live or he wishes he weren't around, and it's usually combined with tears about something he did wrong or feeling like he was wronged. Fairness is a huge thing for him and if he feels something isn't fair, it's a huge injustice. I'm so worried about those thoughts turning into more as he gets older. I'm curious what he'd say if I point blank asked him if he was lying to me...haha I may just that next time he's digging his heels in about something, One or two things that I picked up about socializing. When they try and succeed, its good. Doesnt mean it didnt cost something. Being in adult autistic subs made me realize how much energy they spend to socialize - it's a intellectual activity and this can make they tired and deregulated.
Another thing its when they try and dont suceed. This costs A LOT. Makes them really really sad and hopeless. Its hard to watch.
These last days my kid stoped saying bad things. Hes on a stroll of 2 weeks feeling good about himself and even in meltdowns hes generally better. He even managed to aelf regulate to avoid one or two meltdowns. We announced to him "son, your about to have a meltdown. Take it easy."
One thing that was really good for him its to start asking "did you feel pride about yourself?" when he achieved something hard. He always go back to this when hes sad or having bad thoughts., I really like these points! Thank you !
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What do people think?
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Long time lurker, however now I need help. My daughter, who is 11, is autistic. She is super-clever, and really imaginative. However she does get obsessed over certain things. I am really lucky because she's not aggressive or destructive. But she is very, very blunt. Which is fine. I love her to bits and looking at this post I have it easy compared to a lot of people on here.
The reason why I need help is now she seems fixated on death. She wrote a story about a boy who committed suicide in high school. Reading it the story seems to kinda glorify this. Thought it was odd but moved on. However yesterday she wrote a short story about a jar that kills people who touch it, and right now she is filling a jar with some kind of concoction. Starting to get worried now as she does get obsessive. What on earth should i do?
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I’m autistic and I used to do this as a child. I was obsessed with Edgar Allen Poe and wrote very creepy stories about child killing dolls.
I am now a full time, professional writer., >However yesterday she wrote a short story about a jar that kills people who touch it, and right now she is filling a jar with some kind of concoction.
Uh... that's a bit... concerning. Don't touch it!
I don't have much advice as I didn't deal with any type of obsession that seemed sketchy. Reading through this I thought you wanted advice on hobbies and such... but then the deadly jar came into play.
What is the... concoction!? Do you have any dangerous chemicals or is she into chemistry and could make dangerous chemicals!?
I know this sounds a bit tongue in cheek but in a dark way it's a bit interesting., My son went through a death obsession phase. I think it lasted 5 years then faded., I'm NT, and not an autism parent but an aunt, so I mostly just lurk on here, but I feel compelled to answer with my experience, even though I understand it may not be as useful. But anyway: When I was in elementary school, I wrote a story for an author's fair that would've gotten me in a whole hell of a lot of trouble had it not been the early 90s. I'm talking like major, major red flags for this day and age. I was obsessed with blood and gore, and death and murder. And all my stories/drawings were connected to those subjects. Kids offing other kids, kids offing their parents, themselves, etc. My mom was only slightly concerned (it was a different time) and I did see a therapist. Here's the thing: 30 years later, I off people on paper for a living as a successful TV writer.
If you can avoid pathologizing this, and instead share your concern in a constructive way and support her writing, you may end up finding that this creativity can turn into a career for your daughter., Thanks all. I have touched said jar, and I am fine. It smells quite nice tbh... it appears to be a mixture of paints, I think there is some wood and stones from the aquarium in there, and something thats smells pretty nice - but nothing that seems too out there. She doesn't have a therapist but we are attending a course next month so will bring it up there. I will try to bring it up in casual conversation and see where it goes. Hopefully it is just a phase., I think education is always the best tool. If it’s something she’s interested in, maybe just let her. I went to the national museum of funerals and it was really cool. Learned about all kinds of coffins and embalming. Death is a part of life. I think as long as she is safe and not hurting anyone or herself, it will be ok :), I mean as long as you can confirm that she and others are safe then the fixation on death should be harmless to me. But yeah. I would initially be concerned. Is there any way you can have conversations with her regarding this? Not straight up asking but sneaking it in during bonding time. Reminds me of all the goth kids in high school. Maybe she will be the next Tim Burton? There are suspicions that he is autistic., If your daughter has a therapist, make them aware of what she’s saying/doing. If she doesn’t have a therapist, now may be the time to get her in with one. If you think she poses an imminent danger to herself or others, an ER psych eval would be necessary. The ER psych eval would be an absolute last resort., I'd go get her copies of Caitlin Doughty's books, but maybe that's just me. She's either anxious or curious (or both) about death. Either way, approaching it from an educational angle would be your best bet., I wouldn’t worry too much if she’s being safe. She could be the next Stephen king writer 🤷🏼♀️ some of us get strange interests., There’s this really cool Youtube channel called Ask a Mortician that goes into respectful but fascinating discussions about mortality and death. I also think she wrote a book called “will my cat eat my eyeballs” and it’s a compendium of her answering questions about death asked by kids in age appropriate but clear ways.
The best thing is to be grounded and realistic about your discussions- death is a part of life, and it may be a good idea to chat about the way that death can be glamorized, or situations in fiction where dead things come back to life or people become vampires etc are not real for various reasons even if they can be fun to think about., Well that gives me hope...., I’m autistic and I used to do this as a child. I was obsessed with Edgar Allen Poe and wrote very creepy stories about child killing dolls.
I am now a full time, professional writer., >However yesterday she wrote a short story about a jar that kills people who touch it, and right now she is filling a jar with some kind of concoction.
Uh... that's a bit... concerning. Don't touch it!
I don't have much advice as I didn't deal with any type of obsession that seemed sketchy. Reading through this I thought you wanted advice on hobbies and such... but then the deadly jar came into play.
What is the... concoction!? Do you have any dangerous chemicals or is she into chemistry and could make dangerous chemicals!?
I know this sounds a bit tongue in cheek but in a dark way it's a bit interesting., My son went through a death obsession phase. I think it lasted 5 years then faded., I'm NT, and not an autism parent but an aunt, so I mostly just lurk on here, but I feel compelled to answer with my experience, even though I understand it may not be as useful. But anyway: When I was in elementary school, I wrote a story for an author's fair that would've gotten me in a whole hell of a lot of trouble had it not been the early 90s. I'm talking like major, major red flags for this day and age. I was obsessed with blood and gore, and death and murder. And all my stories/drawings were connected to those subjects. Kids offing other kids, kids offing their parents, themselves, etc. My mom was only slightly concerned (it was a different time) and I did see a therapist. Here's the thing: 30 years later, I off people on paper for a living as a successful TV writer.
If you can avoid pathologizing this, and instead share your concern in a constructive way and support her writing, you may end up finding that this creativity can turn into a career for your daughter., Thanks all. I have touched said jar, and I am fine. It smells quite nice tbh... it appears to be a mixture of paints, I think there is some wood and stones from the aquarium in there, and something thats smells pretty nice - but nothing that seems too out there. She doesn't have a therapist but we are attending a course next month so will bring it up there. I will try to bring it up in casual conversation and see where it goes. Hopefully it is just a phase., I think education is always the best tool. If it’s something she’s interested in, maybe just let her. I went to the national museum of funerals and it was really cool. Learned about all kinds of coffins and embalming. Death is a part of life. I think as long as she is safe and not hurting anyone or herself, it will be ok :), I mean as long as you can confirm that she and others are safe then the fixation on death should be harmless to me. But yeah. I would initially be concerned. Is there any way you can have conversations with her regarding this? Not straight up asking but sneaking it in during bonding time. Reminds me of all the goth kids in high school. Maybe she will be the next Tim Burton? There are suspicions that he is autistic., If your daughter has a therapist, make them aware of what she’s saying/doing. If she doesn’t have a therapist, now may be the time to get her in with one. If you think she poses an imminent danger to herself or others, an ER psych eval would be necessary. The ER psych eval would be an absolute last resort., I'd go get her copies of Caitlin Doughty's books, but maybe that's just me. She's either anxious or curious (or both) about death. Either way, approaching it from an educational angle would be your best bet., I wouldn’t worry too much if she’s being safe. She could be the next Stephen king writer 🤷🏼♀️ some of us get strange interests., There’s this really cool Youtube channel called Ask a Mortician that goes into respectful but fascinating discussions about mortality and death. I also think she wrote a book called “will my cat eat my eyeballs” and it’s a compendium of her answering questions about death asked by kids in age appropriate but clear ways.
The best thing is to be grounded and realistic about your discussions- death is a part of life, and it may be a good idea to chat about the way that death can be glamorized, or situations in fiction where dead things come back to life or people become vampires etc are not real for various reasons even if they can be fun to think about., Well that gives me hope...., I’m autistic and I used to do this as a child. I was obsessed with Edgar Allen Poe and wrote very creepy stories about child killing dolls.
I am now a full time, professional writer., >However yesterday she wrote a short story about a jar that kills people who touch it, and right now she is filling a jar with some kind of concoction.
Uh... that's a bit... concerning. Don't touch it!
I don't have much advice as I didn't deal with any type of obsession that seemed sketchy. Reading through this I thought you wanted advice on hobbies and such... but then the deadly jar came into play.
What is the... concoction!? Do you have any dangerous chemicals or is she into chemistry and could make dangerous chemicals!?
I know this sounds a bit tongue in cheek but in a dark way it's a bit interesting., My son went through a death obsession phase. I think it lasted 5 years then faded., I'm NT, and not an autism parent but an aunt, so I mostly just lurk on here, but I feel compelled to answer with my experience, even though I understand it may not be as useful. But anyway: When I was in elementary school, I wrote a story for an author's fair that would've gotten me in a whole hell of a lot of trouble had it not been the early 90s. I'm talking like major, major red flags for this day and age. I was obsessed with blood and gore, and death and murder. And all my stories/drawings were connected to those subjects. Kids offing other kids, kids offing their parents, themselves, etc. My mom was only slightly concerned (it was a different time) and I did see a therapist. Here's the thing: 30 years later, I off people on paper for a living as a successful TV writer.
If you can avoid pathologizing this, and instead share your concern in a constructive way and support her writing, you may end up finding that this creativity can turn into a career for your daughter., Thanks all. I have touched said jar, and I am fine. It smells quite nice tbh... it appears to be a mixture of paints, I think there is some wood and stones from the aquarium in there, and something thats smells pretty nice - but nothing that seems too out there. She doesn't have a therapist but we are attending a course next month so will bring it up there. I will try to bring it up in casual conversation and see where it goes. Hopefully it is just a phase., I think education is always the best tool. If it’s something she’s interested in, maybe just let her. I went to the national museum of funerals and it was really cool. Learned about all kinds of coffins and embalming. Death is a part of life. I think as long as she is safe and not hurting anyone or herself, it will be ok :), I mean as long as you can confirm that she and others are safe then the fixation on death should be harmless to me. But yeah. I would initially be concerned. Is there any way you can have conversations with her regarding this? Not straight up asking but sneaking it in during bonding time. Reminds me of all the goth kids in high school. Maybe she will be the next Tim Burton? There are suspicions that he is autistic., If your daughter has a therapist, make them aware of what she’s saying/doing. If she doesn’t have a therapist, now may be the time to get her in with one. If you think she poses an imminent danger to herself or others, an ER psych eval would be necessary. The ER psych eval would be an absolute last resort., I'd go get her copies of Caitlin Doughty's books, but maybe that's just me. She's either anxious or curious (or both) about death. Either way, approaching it from an educational angle would be your best bet., I wouldn’t worry too much if she’s being safe. She could be the next Stephen king writer 🤷🏼♀️ some of us get strange interests., There’s this really cool Youtube channel called Ask a Mortician that goes into respectful but fascinating discussions about mortality and death. I also think she wrote a book called “will my cat eat my eyeballs” and it’s a compendium of her answering questions about death asked by kids in age appropriate but clear ways.
The best thing is to be grounded and realistic about your discussions- death is a part of life, and it may be a good idea to chat about the way that death can be glamorized, or situations in fiction where dead things come back to life or people become vampires etc are not real for various reasons even if they can be fun to think about., Well that gives me hope...., I’m autistic and I used to do this as a child. I was obsessed with Edgar Allen Poe and wrote very creepy stories about child killing dolls.
I am now a full time, professional writer., >However yesterday she wrote a short story about a jar that kills people who touch it, and right now she is filling a jar with some kind of concoction.
Uh... that's a bit... concerning. Don't touch it!
I don't have much advice as I didn't deal with any type of obsession that seemed sketchy. Reading through this I thought you wanted advice on hobbies and such... but then the deadly jar came into play.
What is the... concoction!? Do you have any dangerous chemicals or is she into chemistry and could make dangerous chemicals!?
I know this sounds a bit tongue in cheek but in a dark way it's a bit interesting., My son went through a death obsession phase. I think it lasted 5 years then faded., I'm NT, and not an autism parent but an aunt, so I mostly just lurk on here, but I feel compelled to answer with my experience, even though I understand it may not be as useful. But anyway: When I was in elementary school, I wrote a story for an author's fair that would've gotten me in a whole hell of a lot of trouble had it not been the early 90s. I'm talking like major, major red flags for this day and age. I was obsessed with blood and gore, and death and murder. And all my stories/drawings were connected to those subjects. Kids offing other kids, kids offing their parents, themselves, etc. My mom was only slightly concerned (it was a different time) and I did see a therapist. Here's the thing: 30 years later, I off people on paper for a living as a successful TV writer.
If you can avoid pathologizing this, and instead share your concern in a constructive way and support her writing, you may end up finding that this creativity can turn into a career for your daughter., Thanks all. I have touched said jar, and I am fine. It smells quite nice tbh... it appears to be a mixture of paints, I think there is some wood and stones from the aquarium in there, and something thats smells pretty nice - but nothing that seems too out there. She doesn't have a therapist but we are attending a course next month so will bring it up there. I will try to bring it up in casual conversation and see where it goes. Hopefully it is just a phase., I think education is always the best tool. If it’s something she’s interested in, maybe just let her. I went to the national museum of funerals and it was really cool. Learned about all kinds of coffins and embalming. Death is a part of life. I think as long as she is safe and not hurting anyone or herself, it will be ok :), I mean as long as you can confirm that she and others are safe then the fixation on death should be harmless to me. But yeah. I would initially be concerned. Is there any way you can have conversations with her regarding this? Not straight up asking but sneaking it in during bonding time. Reminds me of all the goth kids in high school. Maybe she will be the next Tim Burton? There are suspicions that he is autistic., If your daughter has a therapist, make them aware of what she’s saying/doing. If she doesn’t have a therapist, now may be the time to get her in with one. If you think she poses an imminent danger to herself or others, an ER psych eval would be necessary. The ER psych eval would be an absolute last resort., I'd go get her copies of Caitlin Doughty's books, but maybe that's just me. She's either anxious or curious (or both) about death. Either way, approaching it from an educational angle would be your best bet., I wouldn’t worry too much if she’s being safe. She could be the next Stephen king writer 🤷🏼♀️ some of us get strange interests., There’s this really cool Youtube channel called Ask a Mortician that goes into respectful but fascinating discussions about mortality and death. I also think she wrote a book called “will my cat eat my eyeballs” and it’s a compendium of her answering questions about death asked by kids in age appropriate but clear ways.
The best thing is to be grounded and realistic about your discussions- death is a part of life, and it may be a good idea to chat about the way that death can be glamorized, or situations in fiction where dead things come back to life or people become vampires etc are not real for various reasons even if they can be fun to think about., Well that gives me hope....
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What do you think of punishing someone who resorted to cheating in school when not given the required accommodations for ASD?
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What argument would you use that is person-focused? I feel it is victim blaming. Like getting mad at an animal for biting when they were attacked.
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I think more context is needed for me to have much of an opinion., What did the cheating entail? And what were the accommodations?, I assume this post is about you? Some of your posts mention college research papers. We need more info here. What are the required accommodations that were not available to you? Is this in an IEP, do they have those in Canada or Russia or where ever you are located. Cheating is wrong. If this happened in college, I doubt there is any argument you can use to get yourself out of trouble since the professors have more discretion than a public school teacher.
And a side note, it feels weird to me when people spam the same post in different subs. Just pick a sub and be done with it., This isn't r/AITA , it's a support group for parents of autistic kids., Unfortunately cheating with no iep, will be treated as a neurotypical student situation. It would probably be a referral and detention most likely with a zero on the assignment or test.
To get accommodations an iep or 504 plan is needed by the school’s special education department. It probably sounds like assistive technology or reference is the accommodation needed to avoid cheating in the future., I think much will depend on the age and context.
I've just had this discussion with my primary ASD child. Their context was they have a workbook with activities they do each day. The first day they effectively write all of the answers out. So, they were using that page to answer the following pages. I had to explain that this was viewed as a form of cheating and don't understand/get how if they have done the work and are using as a reference point that it can be cheating. It's taken a lot of unpicking, but not a scenario imo requiring punishment as for me, punishment requires intent., I think it's still unethical, but that said, I think that many institutions ought to be much more into universal design and too many conflate access with having an unfair advantage. So many things that people have to bend over backwards to document could simply be offered to all students (e.g. untimed take home projects instead of timed exams and flexible attendance policies) and not gatekept., What does AITA have to do with this post? Lol
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What does early intervention do?
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Hello,
My 15 month old daughter went to her check up at her pediatrician. They recommended first steps in Indiana / early intervention due to my daughter basically not responding to people and wanting to look around the room instead or run around.
I have noticed things at home. She does in fact lack things like waving or interest in people vs other things like toys or running around. She responds to her name sometimes. She does smile back, if we clap she claps back. She is interested in other babies. But she does seem to be lacking attention to people about 60 percent of the time. Babbles a lot mama dada , says a word once and a while like yum! Or yummy! When eating.
Anyway, I’m not against early intervention. But I’m not sure about this place or if it will help. It has bad reviews. There is a children’s speech and language center with doctors and specialists that also specializes in Austim and I’m wondering if that would be better.
If my daughter is autistic and the concern isn’t language like my doctor said, and the concern is basically her just totally not wanting to look at you when she much rather do other things or not waving and would rather look over at something more interesting how would a 40 min session with someone help? What do they do? Do they tell her “ dude that’s really rude someone’s trying to wave at you!” Do they say her name over and over?
I guess I’m trying to ask what I can do to help at home that the first steps people would do.
And also if early intervention is the key shouldn’t I take her to an actual specialist now. Look into neurologists, maybe check for other things, go to a geneticist, get her evaluated at a high rated center that deals and diagnoses Austim and other neuro divergent disorders. Rule out any other conditions that could be instead or along with autism.
And if she is autistic and totally doesn’t want to look up while playing with a leaf should I really be training that out of her? It seems kind of rude to make her look at me when she really doesn’t want to.
Like I said I understand things like speech therapy if she needs help with speech. But I’m a tad confused on how a place can make someone WANT to be engaged when they simply don’t want to be and their brain doesn’t work that way. What exactly do they do for that?
So, what can I do at home with my daughter that can help? Any games? Good YouTube channels to steer me in the right direction .Therapies I can try?
Is ok to skip the step before what I believe is the first step and taking her to actual specialists?
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Early Intervention provides therapy free of charge to children with deficits like ours. It can provide speech therapy, occupational therapy, physical therapy, and more. They even have funding to provide some equipment like weighted vests.
You are free to seek additional therapy yourself through your private insurance. Many of us here have done or are doing exactly that.
EI is national but administered by the states so the negative reviews might just be from how its managed.
For example:
In Minnesota it is administered by the local school district. When I enrolled my at the time 2 year old they said he would be ineligible entirely due to not enough deficits. That is despite the assessors themselves disagreeing! The only reason he qualified is because my wife got pissed off and on the parent questionnaire basically said he is incapable of doing anything. They said they are required to take that questionnaire into consideration so that was the only reason he qualified. The therapy is provided by the school district. I did experience it through his older sister who is level 3 ASD and we were not all that impressed. He did not because we moved to Colorado soon after qualifying.
In Colorado they gave us no resistance at all. They immediately qualified him for Speech therapy, occupational therapy, physical therapy, behavioral therapy. Here it is not managed by the school district but by a "CCB" (community centered board) which is a non profit organization assigned to each district to manage EI and Medicaid waivers. Our CCB is fantastic. And the therapy is provided by the same private providers you can go to yourself. They put it out for providers to bid on the job. Our therapists through EI are the best we've ever had.
Early intervention is 0-3. At 3 years old they age out. That's when the school district takes over and your child will automatically qualify for free ECSE pre-school from 3-5. This again is fantastic.
You do not want to skip out. Refer yourself to Early Intervention.
>I guess I’m trying to ask what I can do to help at home that the first steps people would do.
That's what they're there for. You'd rather unqualified strangers on the internet teach you than a trained and educated therapist?
>And also if early intervention is the key shouldn’t I take her to an actual specialist now.
Those specialists are not intervention. But yes, you should get a diagnosis if you do not yet have one. Yes, you should do genetic testing. That does not prevent you from starting with Early Intervention right now though. The only thing you can't do until you get that diagnosis is get her into ABA therapy if you feel its needed. I highly recommend EI be the first thing you do., Early intervention is done by specialists. They will evaluate your daughter and recommend occupational therapy, speech therapy, or physical therapy. It sounds likely that your child would be recommended speech and occupational. First Steps contracts with therapists who also work at the therapy centers. Some therapists work part-time with First Steps clients and part-time at the center and some only do First Steps. But these are the same types of therapists with the same specialties that your child will see at a therapy center. The difference is that First Steps will come to you either in your home or daycare, and it is also state-subsidized, so it will be much less expensive if not free.
You can also ask your pediatrician about seeing a neurologist, geneticist, and you can pursue a formal diagnosis. Those are things that can be done at the same time as doing therapists, such as speech therapy and occupational therapy.
In every therapy, YOU are the gatekeeper of your child. You can, and should, review treatment plans and ask about methods. I have never been comfortable with trying to train anything out of my son that isn't harmful to himself or others. So in your example, if your daughter is fascinated with leaves, I see that as beautiful. A good therapist should be so engaging that your child wants to be a part of the therapy. A therapist should engage with your daughter, not expect your daughter to engage with them. The therapist would sit beside your daughter and discuss the leaf- the colors, the veins. Maybe if your child throws the leaf in the air, that becomes a game the therapist can narrate "The leaf went up! And down! The leaf is on the ground. Pretty leaf. I like the leaf,".
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What you can do is exactly what you are doing. Ask the hard questions. Make sure your bases are covered. Learn about the various therapy options and techniques. Advocate for your daughter. Love the hell out of your daughter. When she starts therapy, ask the therapists for home techniques. Meet your daughter where she is, do the things she likes to do, talk to her about the things she likes. Exist beside her in her world first., When my son began receiving early intervention services at that age, it was literally just floor play therapy and if I'm honest, the therapy was targeted for ME. It was to teach me how to interact with my child in a way that was valuable and significant to them so that they would WANT to interact with me. The early intervention therapy is for you and if your child eventually makes it to ABA, I would argue that that therapy is also more for you than for your child. It teaches YOU how to make accommodations for your child so that they continue to grow and learn. Just remember that good ABA therapy (and any other therapy, for that matter) should always look like they're just playing with your child. It should be fun and enjoyable for them. When that happens, your kid begins to associate people with good connotations and it promotes interaction which in turn promotes learning and growth., Early intervention helped so much.
At home we played PeekaBoo. Tickled her when we said her name which got her responding., I'm an OT working in early intervention. Feel free to message me if you have any questions!, I didn’t treat it as an “either/or” situation. My kids got the early intervention services they qualified for through the district, and they also got private therapy insurance/we paid for.
In Michigan, early intervention is done in a preschool setting, which parents attend with kids, 3 half days a week, til the kid is ready to be moved to 3 yo pre-school, which normally happens a few months before 3 ime. This was GREAT for my daughter. She got so much more out of push in therapies than she did pull out/private therapies.
In Colorado early intervention sends therapists to your home. This also seemed to work better for my son than private therapies at a center he was unfamiliar with.
So in our very limited experience with two very different kids in two different states, early intervention was better than private services. I’m sure this varies wildly district to district though., I think you’re already off to a good start with your concerns and willingness to advocate for your child.
My 2.5 year old has been in EI in NY state since she was 3 months old. My experience may not be representative of what you can expect in your state, but will hopefully illuminate the purpose of EI programs.
So, the first step in the EI process is the evaluation. Your child is likely being referred for a multidisciplinary EI evaluation where they’ll assess her development in speech, gross motor, fine motor, social, and behavioral domains. In NY state at least, EI does not diagnose conditions, but they identify support needs. If your child shows a significant enough delay, EI will offer therapeutic and educational services. Right now, my daughter is receiving the following through Early Intervention: OT once a week, PT twice a week, Speech therapy twice a week, and special instruction at her toddler program twice a week.
We also do private OT once a week.
She was diagnosed with autism by a developmental pediatrician who is not affiliated with early intervention.
The nice thing about doing an EI evaluation, is it gives you a baseline understanding of where your child is developmentally. It’ll either reassure you that they’re fine or help you access services if your child does need them. I know around us, most of the EI complaints have to do with waiting lists and also, because EI is administered through county department of social services, a lot of folks are hesitant to involve DSS in their lives.
If your pediatrician is concerned about your child’s development, I would expect 2 referrals to happen, one to EI and one to a specialist (developmental pediatrician, neurologist, autism center, etc) that can actually diagnose any conditions., Careful. You'll run into some people here who get mad if you try to pick apart the nuances of early intervention beyond "go do it now".
I love that you're so attentive this early regarding what's masking and what's not. I'd look at OT in particular and some speech therapists will also do social stuff., I already know the definition of free early intervention.
I literally mean what do they do.
My child’s problem is not being interested in people sometimes.
For instance she would rather look in amazement at a leaf. What kind of therapy do they do for that? Do they have a special serum? Do they tempt her with cookies or treats? Talk in a ms Rachael voice? Have a magic wand?
I understand what physical therapy would do if she had problems with muscle tone or walking.
I understand what speech therapy would do and different ways they work with children. Flash cards, puzzle pieces, animal sounds. Songs. I understand those therapies and would know what to expect.
As far as my daughters brain simply preferring looking at the fan on the ceiling besides my face what therapy do they do for that?
FYI there is literally a tag on this sub Reddit to ask for advice/ help.
If you don’t know or are still ignorant on what they are EXACTLY doing with your children after all of the programs it seems you signed up for just say you don’t know.
It’s a basic question that’s not that hard to understand. And it’s a question I should be asking., "Exist beside her in her world first."
Thank you, I really needed to hear this., Thank you!!, And it’s a question they answered.
Therapy isn’t going to change what your kid likes doing. They’re not going to teach her not to stare at fans. The staring at fans constantly can be a red flag for autism. EI would do their own evaluation, and if it is really just that your kid likes things most kids don’t, then she won’t qualify for services through them.
Every single therapist is different, no one can tell you specifically what the, hypothetical at this point, therapist is going to do with your kid for your kids specific issues except that therapist once she is assigned., Ok I misunderstood. I reread the post with this response in mind and have a better idea what you were getting at.
>Is ok to skip the step before what I believe is the first step and taking her to actual specialists?
So what did you mean by this? These ARE the specialists for this behavior. If not OT or ABA, then what?
And you're basically saying you don't want to address this behavior anyhow?
Which is your choice as a parent but you'll be butting heads when she's school age and they tell you they can't teach her anything because she's not paying attention and they too will want to work on that.
>Do they tempt her with cookies or treats? Talk in a ms Rachael voice? Have a magic wand?
Yes that works to teach the expected behavior but that's more ABA. OT is less intense like the other example given of engaging in the leaf interest together.
While I'm a strong supporter of ABA, I would suggest less intense approaches first and trying ABA if they're not progressing.
>FYI there is literally a tag on this sub Reddit to ask for advice/ help. If you don’t know or are still ignorant on what they are EXACTLY doing with your children after all of the programs it seems you signed up for just say you don’t know.
Yea I misunderstood your questions to be "I want to skip therapies can you teach me what they do".
In regards to OT, yes you're right they it doesn't seem to have any special sauce that I've seen. I personally only recommend taking it because it's there and lean towards ABA because we see little progress from OT versus speech and ABA.
With speech, at that age, hell yes emulate Ms Rachel. That's what our two youngest responded to.
But this isn't a one or the other. You can do both EI and that center., >I literally mean what do they do. My child’s problem is not being interested in people sometimes.
>
>For instance she would rather look in amazement at a leaf. What kind of therapy do they do for that?
>
>As far as my daughters brain simply preferring looking at the fan on the ceiling besides my face what therapy do they do for that?
So I believe that this would fall under what their therapists will generally refer to "joint attention." The goal is not to make her not fascinated with the leaf. The goal is, more or less, (to teach you) to teach her bring you into her fascination with the leaf - to want to show you the leaf, point to the leaf, hand you the leaf or hand it back and forth between the two of you. To learn to follow your finger when you're pointing to another really pretty one a few feet away. To want to and learn how to play interactively, basically.
In my state/county, we've worked on that for the last 15 months in both OT and in what they term DI (Developmental Intervention). It's the reason why my typing this comment was interrupted twice by my daughter coming to take me by the hand to lead me to show me something., Some people did answer my question.
It’s not a dumb question. For speech there is speech therapy, if she was having issues with muscle tone or walking she would do physical therapy.
I am curious what type of therapy there is for things like not looking at faces or not waving. Since that’s literally why she is being evaluated.
I was just curious what therapy that would fall under., Ok, thank you!, Thank you! That is very helpful! :-), >Ok, thank you!
You're welcome!
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What does early intervention look like for a baby under 1 years old?
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My baby is 10 months old and I know that's still very young to diagnose anything, but I have such a strong feeling that some of the issues he's been experiencing could be related to autism.
He isn't babbling at all yet. Will mostly just do his yells and rarely throw in a consonant. No mimicking whatsoever. Doesn't appear to try to communicate with me much either. He'll smile and make eye contact, but only for a few seconds at a time. Will respond to his name maybe 50% of the time. No pointing and doesn't look at what I'm pointing at. If you're wearing jewelry or have something he wants, he'll completely ignore you and only focus on the object. He's also a very picky eater. Had a lot of trouble with bottles when he was younger and was put on reflex medication. We introduced solids at 4 months and he's still only able to do purees and will have maybe a tablespoon total over the span of the whole day. Anything with too much texture will make him gag to the point he throws up. I also had mild hypothyroidism in my first trimester and moderate anemia in my last trimester, which increases the risk of autism. I'm also 90% certain my husband's brother has undiagnosed autism.
I know these things might be unrelated or might just be normal baby stuff. He's my first, so I don't know what's atypical. But I want to give him the best shot he has. Waiting until he's 16 months would be so hard if he's still not progressing. I want to help him now.
So I'm wondering if anyone has any recommendations for things I can do with him at home based on your early intervention experiences? I already read to him throughout the day and try to mimic his noises. I try to really enunciate what I'm saying. Are there other things I can do with him at this age?
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If you're American, your state should have a 0 to 3 early intervention program. Call them. Yours might also run through the summer.
They can evaluate and your son may possibly get services at home., First, have his hearing tested. Then see a developmental pediatrician.
Narrate everything you do in his presence and encourage any utterance. Work on having of lots of eye contact associated with fun activities, like swinging, tickling or knocking down block towers, that sort of thing - whatever he enjoys.
Surround him with language that’s not coming from a screen. Read to him as you naturally would, pointing out objects, naming them, and encouraging him to repeat the word. Make that also a part of his bedtime ritual, because establishing that now may help stave off sleep issues that often emerge later.
It may be autism or some other issue, but the fact that you’re identifying and addressing these concerns early can only benefit your son. Trust your instincts on this., So this book was recommended to us: [https://www.amazon.com/Activity-Babies-Toddlers-Risk-Communication/dp/146252091X/ref=sr\_1\_3?crid=36ZFX1EXFKET4&keywords=activity+book+at+risk+autism&qid=1685108934&sprefix=activity+book+at+risk+autism%2Caps%2C176&sr=8-3](https://www.amazon.com/Activity-Babies-Toddlers-Risk-Communication/dp/146252091X/ref=sr_1_3?crid=36ZFX1EXFKET4&keywords=activity+book+at+risk+autism&qid=1685108934&sprefix=activity+book+at+risk+autism%2Caps%2C176&sr=8-3)
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Also you might reach out to icdl at [icdl.com](https://icdl.com) and see if they can help you. Floortime works wonders. It's too early for speech therapy, but you might see if an OT can do anything., The main thing I get from this is that you are very anxious and might have spent too much time on google. And I get it. I deal with anxiety myself. Contact EI for your concerns. That can’t ever hurt. Getting approved doesn’t mean he has autism. Take things one step at a time., Hi, I have similar concerns for my 8 month old. And yes I know that’s young. I’m also a FTM and really don’t know what is typical. However with the lack of consonant babbling I contacted my local EI. I have just started the process but I can share my experience so far since your asking. I first called EI and they did an ASQ with me over the phone. My son didn’t pass the communication section. From there a very nice lady came out to my home to see my son and give me info about the program. Also to determine what type of evaluation was needed for my concerns. She decided my son should have a general eval by a developmental specialist. The eval happened approx 2 weeks later. The eval consisted of another nice last lady playing with my son for about an hour while a second lady observed via telemed. Afterwards they chatted without me present. The in person specialist came back and gave the review and let me know she was making my son eligible for speech services…a coordinator texted me the next day to set up an enrollment meeting the next week. And that’s where we are. I can continue to provide you with updates if you would like. Just message me if you have any questions. They had a lot of positive things to say about my son and I felt really good about the whole thing. Hopefully everything will work out., An OT might definitely be able to help with the feeding issues and also any hand skills he's missing such as a pincer grip with thumb and forefinger. As a parent, play typical games like peek a boo or trying to get him to roll a ball back and forth across the floor from a seated position. Try to get him to put simple objects, such as a few colored blocks, into or out of a container. Those wood puzzles with big simple pieces are good for fine motor and also naming. See if you can find an object he is interested in and try to get him to track it with his eyes as you move it around. This is a silly trick but I found if I put on a noticable head thing (like those reindeer ears on a headband that people wear around Christmas) he paid better attention to my facial expressions and what I was saying. You don't mention if he's sitting up on his own, pulling up, crawling, but if those skills aren't emerging, also consider PT. Edited to say, we also did a birth to 3 program and I would have your son evaluated for that, but keep in mind the younger the child is, the wider the range of what they can developmentally be expected to do since kids that age progress at different rates. So even if they say he doesn't meet the criteria don't hesitate to ask for another evaluation if time goes by and he doesn't begin to progress., My daughter started early intervention at 9 months old. She was born 2 months premature and couldn’t even roll at that point. They had a group of people come in and do some assessments on her and “play” with her. She only qualified for feeding therapy because she was not tolerating any solid foods- not even purées. Even though she scored a 0 for gross motor function her fine motor skills were amazing so she didn’t qualify for PT. But once your kid qualifies in one area you can ask to add other things on. Over the past 11 months she now does PT, feeding therapy, OT, and speech. She was just diagnosed with autism and the ABA therapy wait time is 12 months and by that time she will be old enough to go into a program where she doesn’t have to wait because she’ll be 3. But they just approved her for more therapy time in the home.
All therapies last about an hour for her and we see each person once a week- her feeding therapist is an OT so she actually does 2 hour sessions once a week for her. When she was 9 months old up until maybe 15-16 months in PT she would get so tired after 30 minutes that the therapist would just talk with me for the last 30 minutes of session or show us some exercises for her to work on. Feeding therapy was always a shit show and still is at 20 months. She barely eats any food, we’ve been through all of the techniques and she has made very little progress. She has a texture aversion which has made things very difficult on top of her milk/dairy allergy. She was just referred to a feeding clinic at the top hospital in our state which we will work around therapies. We just started speech, so I can’t really help you there. I’ve had a bad experience with speech therapists though, I’ve been through 3 of them so far. One told me my schedule was inconvenient for her, the next one said she had no idea why my almost non verbal non communicating 18 month old (at the time) was in therapy- I told her pediatrician that and they called early intervention and got her taken off the services. We’re on someone new and it just seems like she’s still not making any strides in speech. It’s already incredibly hard to communicate with our daughter and it feels discouraging.
I know screen time is not good for kiddos but our speech therapist is okay with watching ms rachel for an hour a day! They related it like a FaceTime call instead of straight “screen time” and she’s educational and gives SUPER good tips on how to lead your child into words or how to help them say words. We’ve been watching ms rachel for a while though (since she was a baby!) and my daughter hasn’t really talked more, she just enjoys watching it. But I do take her tips and continue trying with our daughter., > I also had mild hypothyroidism in my first trimester and moderate anemia in my last trimester, which increases the risk of autism.
I had both of these things too and had no idea about the link! I had to advocate for myself hard to keep my OB on top of those things. At one point my thyroid labs were marked “normal” when they were clearly not and I immediately went over to a whole different doctor, the one who normally monitors my thyroid, with the printed lab results to have my meds adjusted then rechecked. That doc also rechecked my anemia “because I’m ordering labs, why not.”
To answer your question, absolutely reach out to Early Intervention if you’re in the US. As for speech, try watching Songs for the Littles on YouTube and imitating Ms Rachel. Also try posting a “menu” of special toys - pictures of the toys - and pointing to a particular one before you pull it out. Bubbles, etc that aren’t out all the time. See if he catches on to that., There are early intervention programs in the US (not sure where you are). I’m in Missouri, USA and we have a program called First Steps. It’s a 0-3 year old program. They help us with OT, PT, and now speech therapy. My daughter is 2 and we go for evaluation in July but she has been in the program since 14 months old.
When my daughter was 10 months, she didn’t babble much, didn’t make eye contact, only knew how to roll around but couldn’t crawl or walk. Would only sit up unassisted for a short time frame. We had an AWFUL time with food. She was on purées until about 13 months old. She had reflux as well. She had horrible constipation to the point she had to be on a prescription of lactulose. She also wouldn’t play with blocks, stack things, and had bad object permanence so she would never seek out anything.
What happened with us is she started stimming at 7 months old. One of her stims is “flexing” where she tenses her whole body and holds her breath. We thought it was seizures because we had no idea what she was doing. First time mom here too. So I got a referral to a neurologist. We did an EEG and it was normal and upon seeing him a few times he suggested that she be testing for autism and started her on therapy. We weren’t able to get her evaluated until she was 2. Her neurologist was the one who got us into the program.
I would look up the 0-3 early intervention programs to see what’s in your area! And as always, trust your gut. I was always pushed aside as a mom for some reason. I had to push and fight doctors to get where we are now! Always trust that gut!, It sounds like very typical 10 month old behavior to me. A lot of 10 months old act this exact same way. My son I'd 2.5 years old and I could be screaming his name and he will absolutely not look my way. I think you're really looking to far into his behavior. Most kids do nor point or follow pointing till around 12 months. My son will not look anyone in the eye and wouldn't even at 4 months old. Not some of the time, he NEVER looked anyone in the eye and if you tried to get him too he would start crying. If you're worried keep an eye on him but I highly doubt any doctor is going to put your child in early intervention from what you're describing. I'm almost positive thru won't. My son showed sooooo many signs and is just now being tested because the doctor wanted to see if he would catch up. 10 months is just way too early to know and especially because of what you're describing., If you're located near Toronto, Kayla's Children Centre runs an incredible Early Intervention for babies under 2 years old that combines OT, PT, early speech development, music therapy, cognitive development, and hydrotherapy., Had red flags with my daughter at her one year check up.
She is so much better! Cutting screen time almost 100% helped.
Playing peek a boo helped so much.
Everything you say his name, do something he can't ignore like a gentle tickle or funny face.
Interactive playtime. Let him guide you on what he wants to do.
My daughter wouldn't make eye contact, wouldn't respond to her name. I cried and prayed every night.
OT every two weeks and play group once a week has made an absolute massive difference. The change in the last 3 months has been miraculous.
She is still shy, sensitive and we respect her sensitivities., Autism is apparent in infancy. Rimland described it this way.
« Between four [months] and 18 months, crib-rocking starts, and may be so violent the child may bruise himself… »
Rimland 67, This what we did and they were fantastic. I can’t recommend them enough., They absolutely should run through the summer. Legally EI programs are not supposed to have breaks longer than 3 weeks., Excuse me, what’s EI?, How young do they start speech? And what do they do with a young baby?, How is your daughter doing now. She sounds a lot like my 16 month old. We are going for a autism screening tomorrow and have a speech therapist coming next week. She is nonverbal and really doesn’t make any effort to communicate with us (no eye contact, no pointing or gesturing)., Have you changed your mind since?, Thanks for the recommendation. That's really close to where I live actually. I'll check it out. I also have a phone appointment booked now with the government run 0 - 3 Early Intervention program based on other people's recommendations here., [deleted], That’s it? Did he say any other signs?, This is the part that confuses me, because here our state early intervention system - this is Michigan - split Early On into two components:
Regular Early On, which ran year-round.
And then a program called TOTE, which was part of EarlyOn, but specifically for children who had more severe delays - and they didn't run in the summer.
I'm guessing I could've filed a state complaint about that..., My daughter didn’t start until just recently. She was 19 months old. When they assessed her at 9 months old she said 3 words in front of them so they cleared her. But recently she has regressed and cannot use words to communicate so I just let her service coordinator know and they added speech because her pediatrician recommended it. I have a good service coordinator, she bends over backwards to make sure my daughter has all of the services she needs and even helped me get more time for feeding and OT. It’s been a blessing after no one listened to me for months about my concerns for my daughter., My daughter will be 3 next month! She’s doing well! She was diagnosed with autism around 2 years old. We did the whole assessment shabang and finally got our diagnosis! She was already in therapies before she was diagnosed but we have added on since then. It has been a long and challenging process but it’s so rewarding to see how much she’s overcame in the last year!, I'm 50/50 on the OT now because she is trying stuff I don't think is necessary but initially she told us to completly cut screen time and showed us a grounding technique which helped greatly,
Let me just paste Kanner’s own words from his 1965 speech he gave about over-diagnosis to the American Psychiatric Association when receiving the Stanley Dean Award. Kanner’s statement in 1965 is prophetic really! But people misread his intent and went flying off on irrelevant tangents by the 80’s. It’s not the same disorder that was described in the 40’s through to the 70’s in any case. He’s rejecting Mahler, Bergman and Escalona, Robinson and Vitale’s characterization isn’t he? Sensitivities is not sensory perceptual deficits and neither are special interests or separation anxiety. Doctors today think it’s a nonsense diagnosis. Or they aren’t properly trained.
Kanner 1965:
« In 1953 Van Krevelen rightly became impatient with the confused and confusing use of the term infantile autism as a slogan indiscriminately applied with cavalier abandonment of the criteria outlined rather succinctly and unmistakably from the beginning. He warned against the prevailing "abuse of the diagnosis of autism," declaring that it "threatens to become a fashion. "Thus arose a tendency to set up a pseudodiagnostic waste basket into which an assortment of heterogeneous conditions were thrown indiscriminately. Infantile autism was stuffed into this basket along with everything else… »
Kanner 65
« The singling out of autism has been followed by a number of other attempts to describe specific conditions lifted out of the schizophrenic package. Mahler reported in 1949 a syndrome which she named "symbiotic infantile psychosis," distinguished by a symptomatology which she thought to be centered around a desperate effort to avert the catastrophic anxiety of separation. In the same year, Bergman and Escalona discussed "children with unusual sensitivity to sensory stimulation." In 1954, Robinson and Vitale introduced a number of "children with circumscribed interest patterns." It may well turn out that this is just a beginning and that other syndromes will be detected and studied on their own merit…»
Kanner 65, If it’s for 0-3 then absolutely., That’s great. We received a diagnosis as well. Are you doing ABA? Has your daughter become verbal or gesturing/communicating with you at all?, We’re on a waiting list for ABA! The only place that takes our insurance always seems to have a waiting list. She’s not verbal yet but our insurance approved for an AAC device and she’s using how to learn in it her speech therapy. She has greatly improved on her sounds into words though!
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What does everyone think about B12?
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Debating on trying it with my son. Any experiences?
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Ask your kids doctor. We are not doctors. We cannot give medical advice., I was told that it's almost impossible to be deficient if you aren't a strict vegan. Autism is congenital. The sooner we can accept that it's not some random vitamin deficiency/gut infection/vaccine/metal poisonin/whatever other new age idea, the better., Ask your kids doctor. We are not doctors. We cannot give medical advice., I was told that it's almost impossible to be deficient if you aren't a strict vegan. Autism is congenital. The sooner we can accept that it's not some random vitamin deficiency/gut infection/vaccine/metal poisonin/whatever other new age idea, the better., Ask your kids doctor. We are not doctors. We cannot give medical advice., I was told that it's almost impossible to be deficient if you aren't a strict vegan. Autism is congenital. The sooner we can accept that it's not some random vitamin deficiency/gut infection/vaccine/metal poisonin/whatever other new age idea, the better., Ask your kids doctor. We are not doctors. We cannot give medical advice., I was told that it's almost impossible to be deficient if you aren't a strict vegan. Autism is congenital. The sooner we can accept that it's not some random vitamin deficiency/gut infection/vaccine/metal poisonin/whatever other new age idea, the better.
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What is in my 9yo's head?
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My son is 9, autistic with ADHD, has demand avoidance and he is also bilingual. Sometimes I struggle to understand how he managed to pick up English (it took a long time even though he was born and raised in the UK, I now realise I was doing a lot of speech therapy myself).
I am often confused about what is happening in his head. Social stuff is obviously difficult to understand and I have my expectations adjusted there. But it seems like his understanding of the world was so much better when he was 5, there is some kind of regress happening. Yesterday we dropped off my friend at the airport and he asked me why we were there at 4 when the friends flight was at 6. He has been to airports many-many times in his life, he even had a few book explaining how airports work, what the process is etc. He could definitely tell what happens at the airport when he was 5 or so! I am just so devastated every time I get these kinds of questions - I lose all hope.
Today, we watched a show about an eco village, where they had a communal laundry room. When he later came to the kitchen, he said that we did not have a washing machine (in the UK washing machines are frequently found in the kitchen). The washing machine has been in the same place for his whole life! It is a built in one, but still. I asked him to find what was the door for the washing machine and he looked under the sink?!
I am so confused... I do not understand what is happening. Is it a burnout with the loss of skills? Yesterday he was looking at a map of a fairly easy easter trail and he was persistently showing the wrong way. It scares me so much and I don't know how to help - I've been doing so much over the past 9 years with such little output (compared to the NT families), it led me to depression. And now it is getting even worse?!
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I can relate, my 5 year old has recently started regressing in the bathroom, suddenly doesn’t know how to put on a shirt etc, and asking questions that he definitely knows the answer to.
I wish I knew why they do this, but I share your frustration, I find that it can be very difficult to gauge what they know, what they understand and how well they understand it. I’m many times flummoxed by things my kid seems to not know/understand. But it can also go the other way - he’ll be aware and insightful about things I have no idea he knew anything about., Does he have a doctor who is qualified to follow his case? Because if so, I'd talk to them. If not, time to find one., I can relate, my 5 year old has recently started regressing in the bathroom, suddenly doesn’t know how to put on a shirt etc, and asking questions that he definitely knows the answer to.
I wish I knew why they do this, but I share your frustration, I find that it can be very difficult to gauge what they know, what they understand and how well they understand it. I’m many times flummoxed by things my kid seems to not know/understand. But it can also go the other way - he’ll be aware and insightful about things I have no idea he knew anything about., Does he have a doctor who is qualified to follow his case? Because if so, I'd talk to them. If not, time to find one., I can relate, my 5 year old has recently started regressing in the bathroom, suddenly doesn’t know how to put on a shirt etc, and asking questions that he definitely knows the answer to.
I wish I knew why they do this, but I share your frustration, I find that it can be very difficult to gauge what they know, what they understand and how well they understand it. I’m many times flummoxed by things my kid seems to not know/understand. But it can also go the other way - he’ll be aware and insightful about things I have no idea he knew anything about., Does he have a doctor who is qualified to follow his case? Because if so, I'd talk to them. If not, time to find one., I can relate, my 5 year old has recently started regressing in the bathroom, suddenly doesn’t know how to put on a shirt etc, and asking questions that he definitely knows the answer to.
I wish I knew why they do this, but I share your frustration, I find that it can be very difficult to gauge what they know, what they understand and how well they understand it. I’m many times flummoxed by things my kid seems to not know/understand. But it can also go the other way - he’ll be aware and insightful about things I have no idea he knew anything about., Does he have a doctor who is qualified to follow his case? Because if so, I'd talk to them. If not, time to find one.
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What is my baby doing?
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Does anyone else's babies do this with their hands and feet? He is 11 months old. I am starting to get concerned because he does not want to talk. He's been saying "hey" since 6 months old but has not babbled or said anything else since.
He responds to his name, hold his hands up to be picked up and smiles when people enter the room and can high-five, but he doesn't wave bye or clap. I am a first time mom so maybe I am reading too much into this, but I am worried. And I don't know at why he's doing that with his wrist and feet.
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At 11 months old its a little too early to tell or to do anything about it, unless they're missing major milestones.
More importantly my dad instinct is screaming "**get that car seat off that couch!!!**".
You don't want to find out how strong he's gotten the hard way by it flipping forward. Then you really might have a special needs child and you'll forever carry the guilt of it being your fault. Happened to my wife's sister. Left the kid on the bed and he fell off. Weeks in the hospital, multiple surgeries for brain swelling and not sure exactly I only heard third hand here, but left with brain damage and tons of therapy and a lifetime of immense guilt., looks to be baby-ing, Wiggling his toes and fingers apparently ☺️, [deleted], Being a baby., I'd say he's too young to tell. My baby sister used to do something similar when she was this age. She is not autistic, but has some neurological issues in her hands and feet that lead to numbing feelings. She leads a typical and healthy life, just has to avoid heat and cold since she can't feel it., Moving. Lol were not Drs.
Pretty early to tell. My wife and I didnt get a real diagnosis till 3, at 2 we started early intervention.
You got some time, it could just be normal behavior trying to learn to use he arms legs feet fingers etc., Your baby is probably just jerking around wanting to get out of their seat. Or maybe just kicking around cause it’s fun to do. When they are this young stimming and regular baby movements are hard to differentiate because they have little control over themselves and the jerky repetitive movements are ways they can develop and exercise.
It’s tough and I understand the concerns you have. Me and my wife definitely glossed over a few signs thinking he would just “grow out of it.” The truth is though, that these signs are hard to catch until about 18 months and diagnosis or a definitive answer can’t be given until they are 3 yo. I would say if you have concerns bring them up with your pediatrician and they can tell you what to look for and maybe give you some local resources., https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WRRF4NZB3WQ&pp=ygUVZWFybHkgc2lnbnMgb2YgYXV0aXNt
This is a really informative video for early detection to talk to your pediatrician at 12 months.
Not all pediatricians know what to look for unfortunately, so you have to advocate for them. You could also talk to an OT about your concerns. There are a lot of early markers for autism, but some kids have all of their milestones met and then regress so it can be difficult to diagnose before 2!
Pointing is a big one my pediatrician who specialiszes in autism says. Pointing is inherent and you don’t need to teach it. They should point to show you things not just to get help or a need. It occurs between 9-12 months. Around 8 months babies start to heavily mimic you.by 12 months (latest) they should be responding to their name., Bud Stop searching on Google and internet about it, give yourself and baby some time , it's too early to worry. You should look for major milestones at 2yo., While I disagree that 11 months is too young to recognize signs, what that video shows is not out of the norm for a neurotypical infant.
More indicative are interest in people, shared attention and developmental milestones., Can people stop posting stuff like this on here all the time??? So annoying, My son does this ever since he’s months old and now he’s two found out he’s Autistic. My best advice is to wait and see if he will grow out of it. Observe him to see if he reaches his milestone or not. They will tell you by 18-20 months what he should be doing, I put him on the couch to take a video and I was clearly standing right there.
Anyways, what is a major milestone?, Diagnosis: baby, In my professional opinion as a former baby. Just being a baby., He does this when in his car seat, high chair and having his diaper changed. It just worries me., This is the correct answer. He wants to get out and crawl., let me out!, My thoughts exactly, Thank you, this was very informative., Don't know why this is downvoted, you make a point.
A baby moving is completely fine.
Does he make eye contact, respond to his name? Those are signs that can already show from 11 months., Don't know why this is downvoted, you make a point.
A baby moving is completely fine.
Does he make eye contact, respond to his name? Those are signs that can already show from 11 months., Did they tell you if this behavior (or what could be considered stimming) was also found typical in babies?, Crawling, walking, first words, a bunch of things you listed off as him doing already.
Like the biggest one that usually gets flagged in my personal experience is "uses at least 5 words" by 15 months old. For example my 3 year old skipped the "sits up unassisted" milestone (he'd fall over, and always slouched in high chairs or car seats, still does to this day), and didn't meet the 5 words milestone. The pediatrician brushed it off, but with having 2 diagnosed children including one severe by then I knew better and referred ourselves to early intervention. Sure enough, he was given the whole gamut - speech, ot, pt, bt and got diagnosed level 2 ASD at 24 months.
What he's doing here *could* be stimming. But its also age appropriate as they're building muscle and coordination in preparation for those milestones. If he were a year older doing this then its more concerning. Its harder to tell at this age without multiple obvious signs., Based on what you wrote, seems like a pretty normal behavior. Too early to tell really, just interact more and take a breather, whatever will be will be, que sera., You’re welcome!, Everyone stims, regardless of neurotype. It’s not exclusive to autistic people., Everyone stims. Especially babies and toddlers, but everyone, of all ages, stims., It all depends but before he was evaluated my husband and I notice few things by 20 months. He wasn’t saying momma or papa, ps he’s 2 now in therapy and still not talking, he doesn’t answer to his name, he look away, tiptoeing , flapping hands, turn on the light/and on, chewing ( putting objects in mouth) . We see these things and we started speech therapy cause I pushed for it when he was 20 months. He just turned 2 in Dec and was evaluated in jan 2024 and results came back as Autism, My 3.5y seemingly NT kid did a similar behavior all the time as a baby, especially when excited. My 5y diagnosed ASD kid did not.
From my experience, this behavior by itself is not an indication of anything. But if you are worried about it, it doesn't hurt to ask your pediatrician and keep an eye on milestones., Thank you.
Does anyone know if children without disabilities have delay speaking/babbling?
I would like to get invention as early as possible if there is a reason needed for it., Do you mind to tell me some things you noticed in your child with ASD as a baby?, It doesn't hurt to contact early intervention if you have concerns. They'll do an assessment.
[https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/actearly/parents/state-text.html](https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/actearly/parents/state-text.html), There is something called canonical babbling, which is repeated sounds ("bababa", "dadada", etc). Your baby should be in or past that phase, if he isn't that's definitely something to bring up to his pediatrician. Children without disabilities can have delays in speaking, but a complete absence of babbling is less common. His pediatrician may order additional tests like a hearing test.
Other than that, he seems reasonably on track. Stimming is normal for babies, they are still figuring out how their body works and how to handle the world around them. He's late on clapping and waving, but not by so much it'd be worrying, especially if he uses body language like holding up his hands to be picked up., Yes, there are kids who just have a speech delay and nothing else. No words at 11 months is still normal though and not a sign of a delay yet.
If you’re in the us, an early intervention evaluation is free though, and could give you piece of mind. You can also call to get the ball rolling, then if he has an explosion of language/babbling before the evaluation date comes, you can just cancel the appointment, Honestly, I don't think there was anything as a baby that jumped out at us. It wasn't until kiddo was older than 2y that things became really apparent to us, mostly around language and social delay and rigidity. That's when we reached out to Early Intervention for an evaluation and started therapies., My baby's biggest ones were name response and pointing. Months and months went on and he didn't respond to either, like you were a ghost in the room. He spoke early and gained an abnormally large vocabulary before losing most of it for a while.
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What is the difference between an ABA center and a kidsplay center that does speech, occupational therapy, and physical therapy?
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Which do your kids benefit more from?
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Not sure what a kidsplay center is, but if they offer therapies they're likely routed in ABA methods.
I would visit both centers and see which one feels like a better place and a better fit.
My son was in a specialized pre-k and having the head start on a classroom experience has helped (we think). If the kidsplay center is less structured thats something to take into consideration IMO, In theory, ABA focuses on behavioral conditioning, speech therapy focuses on all of the different parts of communication, occupational therapy focuses on finding ways to better perform different functional tasks, and physical therapy is about strengthening/training different muscles. However, when it comes to insurance and other funding sources and the training backgrounds of these different disciplines, these boundaries often blur to some extent.
I think that especially when it comes to the former three, a lot of the polarization in "Is ABA abuse or not?" debate comes from this lack of consistency in approach between providers and the fact that a lot of very different things are all called ABA, and a lot of autism-focused OTs and STs can end up being very eclectic., Aba is going to focus on behavioral things and making adjustments to help your child thrive that might impede them from being able to do so. They can target destructive behaviors, toileting, self care etc. The other is going to target more specifically communication (speech) and what that might look like for them (could be pecs, aac device, sign lang etc), fine and gross motor skills (occupational and physical therapy). Which is better depends on the child and the center. A mix of both is what my son does as its best for him with more focus on the aba side at the moment.
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What is typical/standard parenting advice that did not work for your child?
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I understand this is a loaded question in many ways, but I’ve struggled with certain societal expectations about the decisions that we make as parents.
For example, my child really benefits from time outs - which is really unpopular in our social/preschool circle. For the past few years, anytime my child has gotten into a situation where we are supposed to be recommending “gentle hands” we actually need to remove him from the situation - so he can regulate.
However, I often get “constructive” criticism after that perhaps my child’s social deficits are due to the social exclusion he is subjected to through timeout. In reality, once my child starts to be aggressive, nothing will end until he has quiet time. It’s also not as if he ever engages in typical age appropriate outreach - although we’re working on it at home and at preschool.
I know I could explain that timeout is actually recommended for all children by many early child physicians and educators, but at this point, I don’t want to start a debate about their parenting. I just want a one liner to use about why my kid who is autistic benefits from now unpopular methods.
(Additional: our version of timeout involves quiet time sitting in a chair directly next to or very near a trusted adult. Our son willingly sits quietly.)
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Redirecting. It would just escalate the situation., Food rules. My son has ARFID.
“Just keep offering the food, he will eventually try it!”
Nope. He will not, I promise.
“Just serve him what you are eating. He’ll give in, kids won’t let themselves starve.”
My child will 100% starve himself into a hospitalization if denied his preferred foods.
“You can’t just send crackers for lunch.”
Welp, the school has rules against peanut butter and his teacher can’t heat up frozen foods to his exact specifications, so there is literally nothing else left.
“Use a sticker chart for trying new foods!” (This was from a pediatric dietitian, no less.)
Lady, my child has minimal receptive language skills and zero interest in stickers. Please just write the referral for intensive feeding therapy, k thx., Not quite the same, but I’ve been told I spoil my daughter all the time. I’ve been told that I ‘give in too easily’ and it won’t even be about anything big. It became apparent earlier on that if it made our daughter happy and didn’t harm her? Fine, go ahead. I remember my mother telling my wife that she spoiled our daughter after she had a meltdown and my wife gave her a cuddle. Apparently my wife was ‘rewarding bad behaviour’, like damn it, I can’t believe we spoiled our daughter by comforting her when she was upset., Anything about sleep, to be honest.
Whatever guidelines about sleep just didnt work on my kid, Limiting screen time - there's some rules - no screens in his room or to go to sleep with but films and tv help him relax, focus and let's us share special time together watching things and talking about them so it bolsters his creativity and social skills., "Just take the bottle away. Kid's might strike for a day or two, but they get over it!"
Took away that bottle at 14 months. Kid is now 4.5 and has not drunk a drop of milk since., Any kind of "positive reinforcement protocol", so if he knows he will get a sticker/candy/toy whatever if he does good, THE WHOLE ACTIVITY IS LOST BECAUSE ALL HE WILL TALK ABOUT IS THAT PRIZE, and the anxiety around not getting it. It could be a grain of rice and he still won't be able to put his socks on because he'll be crying over the fact that he hasn't got it yet/may not get it/wants it so much. , None of the sleep training worked for us. We had 4 kids before this and were quite experienced with sleep training but this one forced us to throw out the rule book.
Still struggling with it at 3 1/2, (My son is 16 lvl 3 audhd/idd)
They'll eat when they get hungry.
Any talk of how to discipline.
All kids develop differently, give it time.
He'll be fine/talking/easier to deal with when he's older.
Any and all sleep advice., Anything around potty training. Nothing really worked. He was a year behind and then just did it on his own. Still not overnight potty trained at 5. (When do ASD kiddos do this? He's level 1, we're not pushing bc we learned our lesson!), “Don’t fix something special for the kids or they won’t eat regular food, You’re making him picky by continuing to feed him the things he likes, He’ll eat if you don’t give him another choice. That’s what I do at my house” - MIL
It’s taken forever but my middle is finally eating more than just a handful of things. I hate for him to go to her house because she still does this.
“The pediatrician told us to lock you in your room until you calmed down” - my parents
Well yeah I did calm down after I completely wore myself out. I can’t even explain why I would get so upset. Anyone else think I’m on the spectrum too?
I ask for my kids’ side of the story. Adults are not always right. I will not make them apologize if they were wronged by an adult just because we should respect our elders., All of the gentle parenting advice. Hopefully this doesn’t often people. But the parents that say “just talk to them about their feelings when they’re upset!” I’m sorry but my child can’t understand., My son doesn't seem to realize it when he's hungry, so we often do dessert first. After a few pieces of chocolate, he'll keep eating whatever else we feed him. I was taught to *withhold* the candy so he would eat real food., Time out, and naps/sleeping
We got a late diagnosis, if I knew what I know now, I could have better supported my daughter. She was misdiagnosed with adhd, Cry it out., Whenever someone says something about firm discipline for disrespectful/destructive behavior. That losing screens, time outs, yelling out, whatever and being firm about expectations will teach my daughter to behave differently. It won’t. It just causes her to melt down. Threatening punishment or even dangling rewards tends to trigger her. She is a PDA kid and recently diagnosed as ASD. I feel like other parents view me as a pushover when she’s being disrespectful in public. But I know when I push her in an authoritarian way she EXPLODES and I don’t want to do that in public unless it’s something that is truly important. It has happened and I have had to physically carry her out of places when she was way beyond the age where kids do that., Time out works too, and it’s one of the only things that does. I also find I have to super consistent with it and not particularly flexible, whereas I can be more flexible for my NT child.
Explaining things and natural consequences rarely work the way they regularly work with my NT daughter. He either doesn’t understand , he is too dysregulated to ‘hear’ it, or he doesn’t care enough to change his behaviour. He just lacks the social motivation to change doing something he likes at this age. He will modify his behavior to avoid a time out though. Positive reinforcement and praise works well with both him and my NT girl. Redirecting generally does absolutely nothing for my autistic boy, although I can replace one risky or gross sensory seeking behavior for another usually in the moment., Just about everything lol, Look at them smugly and say, "it's not a time out. It's a time in. It's called co-regulating,". And then look away as if they are slightly embarrassing., I got so much old school parenting advice from my bachelor brothers who neither one have kids. I am their parent AND have a degree in early childhood development. Drove me crazy., Natural consequences. Does not compute., I wouldn’t call that timeout. I’d call that redirecting.
I find the attitude/belief that if I somehow “make” my son do something, he’ll get over his aversion to it and be just fine, insulting.
I mostly reject any advice that comes from the traditional parenting POV. Not that some things might not work for us as well as anyone, but people giving that advice do.not.get.it., Anyone who tells me to “sleep when the baby sleeps” is going to get an earful from me, Not for sure if this makes you feel better, but time out is one of the only things that work for us! And honestly, it doesn’t change the behavior or keep it from happening, but it does give him a moment to reset himself and get regulated (usually with a parent’s help).
He couldn’t care less about natural consequences like taking away a toy because he threw it across a room. He literally says “I don’t care. Take it away.” 😂😂😂, Oh, there's been a few..
The first couple I can think of were actually given by the diagnosing psychologist. She suggested a reward system for when my daughter did a desired task. I told her this didn't work with my child, as she doesn't care about the reward: she will just shrug and say she just won't take the incentive and not do it. The psych looked at me like I was insane and said this system works with ALL kids with autism and adhd. I think not. She also told me to use gradual exposure to help my daughter with her paralyzing fear of public washrooms. She told me I was giving in to much by not pushing the issue. I explained she would go completely rigid and have an absolute, complete, drawn our terrified meltdown if I attempted to take her in the washroom, and we were working on gradually building up to it through social stories. etc. She still disagreed with me. It took her a while to use public washrooms, but we got there, and without furthering her terror or making her humiliated as that suggestion would have done.
The "when she's hungry, she will eat" routine. That gives me such a huge eye roll, they have no idea. My daughter has serious food aversions and will literally just refuse to eat if presented with something she doesn't want, it doesn't matter how hungry she is. So, we let her eat pretty much free choice as long as it's not harmful or excessive (of course). I think of it this way: I hate brussels' sprouts, for example. Giving her food she has an aversion to would be like someone standing over me and making me eat a plate of brussels' sprouts at every meal. Forcing kids to eat what they don't want, making them "clean their plate" is disastrous for any child, neurodiverse or not. It can cause eating disorders later on. A family member of mine was very restricted as to what they could eat- no treats except at holidays. no pepsi/coke even as a teenager. Etc etc. Whenever they were away from home and when they first moved out. all the did was binge on junk food. I've seen that over and over. My daughter has access to most foods anytime and doesn't consider it a big deal, so doesn't clamour for it.
Potty training. She had no interest at 2, little at 3, and nothing we did made a difference, she just wasn't ready and even her training potty scared her. By age 4-5 she was pretty much fully trained (except for fear of public toilets, which lasted til around age 6) and she stopped requiring a pull up at age 5 at night. If their body isn't ready, no amount of prizes, incentives, etc. are going to work. Let it happen naturally with encouragement.
This one has always been hugely controversial...soothers/pacifiers. My daughter was very attached to her soother and a dentist blasted me at age 2 saying I was ruining her teeth. I tried to explain the psychological attachment, sensory issues, etc. She just ignored me and said "just take it away, she will be upset at first but will get over it." . I didn't agree with that at all. We got to a point where she just used her soother at night or if she was sick/very upset. She gave it up herself when she was ready. Her teeth are also fine. The first dentist kept pointing out a slight protrusion in her upper lip/teeth that is barely noticeable. I said my Grandma had the same thing and it was the structure of her mouth, that my daughter had that even as an infant. She condescendingly told me I was wrong. We didn't go back., I’ve tried tons of different “typical” parenting styles and they always felt unnatural, scripted, and they never produced the “expected” results.
I’ve since adopted a very “ride the waves of life” and “meet THEM where they are at” approach and i finally feel like I am making some ground with my children for the first time ever even though a lot of people looking in would think I am overly lax and a pushover.
What works for us most likely will never work for a neurotypical kid and what works for a neurotypical kid likely will never work for us. At the same time, what works for my daughter (verbal, level 2) does not work for my son (nonverbal lvl 3) so my parenting looks DRASTICALLY different between the 2 kids based on their receptive language skills and emotional regulation skills.
I can’t think of any specifics that haven’t been mentioned yet,but I just want to say thank you for posting this OP. Reading all of the comments has been very cathartic and healing for me as I have often struggled with feeling like an inadequate parent by comparing myself to a “typical” parent.
This thread is so important and has reminded me to stop putting myself in a box when I constantly make sure my kids never feel that need themselves.
Lots of love your way!, I "joke" with my wife that our son would've died 4 times by now if we listened to anyone other than the medical professionals who provide care for our son. I put "joke" in quotes because it's only a slight exaggeration.
One of the biggest pieces of advice we don't follow is limiting screen time. There are a few times we don't let him watch the tablet; for example, we take it away once we start the bedtime readiness routine, and he goes to sleep. Outside of a few examples, when he's home, we let our son watch YouTube Kids on the tablet whenever he wants as long as he uses his words to ask for it. Once we had put some educational videos on his account, his vocabulary exploded almost overnight.
I have no idea where he'd be if we didn't decide not to follow that unwritten rule of parenting, but his language would definitely be a lot more limited than it is now., Thank you, OP, for posting this question. I feel so connected with you and all the commenters in this thread. I don’t have any friends in real life with kids on the spectrum, all of these answers are making my parenting experience feel less alone. Normally I am comparing my kid and my parenting experience to parents of neurotypical kids, and I may as well be on another planet., "You're the parent. You make the food, they eat what you make. You just have to persevere and not cave in. If they're hungry, they'll eat" 🙄
I think people with this mentality don't consider the fact that they would probably flip out if someone tried to force-feed them food they didn't want. I know that I wouldn't tolerate being forced to eat foods that literally make me gag... Why would I do that to my child? Also, sometimes I just don't feel like eating certain foods (even if I like them) and I would prefer to go hungry than force myself to eat them., Anything that involved 'explaining' or 'telling' my child something. For potty training - tell him he's a big boy and the diaper fairy took his diapers away to give to the babies that need them. For picky eating - tell him everything is a hot dog. For behavior - tell him about feelings. He has a language delay and has a really hard time with joint attention. I still talk to him, don't get me wrong. But he did not understand most of the time. But hey, he's making progress with language and we have found other ways to teach him things (albeit, slowly and with a lot of work)., “Just stick to the sleep training plan, and she’ll adjust.” - ASD specialised psychologist.
Kid hasn’t slept a proper night of sleep since she was 6 months old. She’s 8 this year. It’s currently 2:51 am, and despite sticking hard and fast to that bedtime routine for over a year, she’s up in her room fighting sleep with all the power her little self can muster. I’m basically a zombie who counts 6 solid hours of unbroken sleep a win.
The thing is: I was exactly this way as an undiagnosed child, and it took me until my mid 20’s to really begin to “adjust” (I still prefer nights). I used to joke with myself that maybe some brains are designed to be night owls, that people like me take in so many details, don’t tolerate heat and light, and aren’t bothered as much by pain and cold due to the fact that we’re the ones who should have been on night duty back when humans had smaller tribes. Silly, I know - but that was my own little kid brain at work, trying to make sense of why I was so different. I only wish there was some truth to it all now, because I feel like my partner just really struggles with understanding why our kid is not doing this stuff on purpose.
*sigh.*, "They'll sleep eventually, you just have to put them to bed at night, they'll get used to it." My son is six and has never slept through the night without medication. "He won't let himself starve/get dehydrated." And my all time favorite (my sister said this to me and it made me cry) "Make him clean up his mess, he won't keep doing it if he has to clean it." Yes he will keep doing it, and no, he can't clean it up, like physically can't., No rules!!!! My son just turned 3 so right now we’re just figuring it all out., “You need to be stricter”
“You need to spank”
“Ignore them, they’ll stop”, We do time outs too. Honestly was the only thing that worked to teach him NOT to do something. The whole redirecting thing only made things worse.
Other things that never worked:
- sleep training
- potty training
- feeding advice and “if he is hungry he will eat) (he has ARFID, severe gastroparesis, an esophagus which was shaped like an hourglass and required surgery etc)
- explaining why NOT to do something- attention even negative attention was good for him plus his speech assessment was very clear he doesn’t understand “negatives” eg which one is NOT res, don’t do X etc, Everything I ever heard..
“They won’t go to highschool in diapers!”
“They won’t starve themselves”
Anything about discipline… 😆, Be consistent. Did not work at all for my autistic with PDA kiddo., Gentle parenting is wonderful and I think it’s great and even use it with alternative approaches but man I was like this shit isn’t working before diagnosis!, Basically all of it… But particularly things relating to meal times, potty training and screens., Eating meals as a family and at the table together every day. My son and I always eat together in bed I feel he is more comfortable and doesn’t have pressure or anxiety from the dinning table so he eats more and can tell when he’s full or still hungry. My husband eats when he gets home and at that time my son and I have already eaten., Potty training. Nothing works. He may sit on the toilet for hours. He lets nothing go. The second I take him off it, he wanders off and lets go in his pants/diaper. He will turn 5 this month. Later when I clean him up and pull just boxers and pants and he realizes he has no diaper on he starts crying and pulling the diaper from its bag and stuff it in my hands so I put it on him. I think he’s used to let go when he wants in the diaper and he understands to some point he can’t do that without a diaper on. Right now I’m at the point where I’m just waiting for the signs that he’s about to poop and I can just put him directly on the toilet so he can’t hold it anymore. Even though in the past he managed to hold it at the last second and ended up constipated for days. :(
Also he is starting to eat less and less foods. He used to eat soups dearly and now he looks what’s to eat and then he makes a negative sound and wanders off., Bribes actually need to be good, a sticker? fuck your sticker is the vibe my 5 yr old lvl2 asd gives off., So.. much.. my child isn’t even very typical for autism (apparently). The only “support” I’ve received is just people having me try very obvious things that I’ve obviously tried, reading articles about tools, going to workshops about tools… none of it works lol. My son’s problem is that he is stubborn, has ocd, and is quick to anger. I get passive aggressiveness from his dad sometimes because I’m “too nice” and that’s apparently why he’s like this (because I ask if he’s okay, cuddle him, have endless patience, offer motherly support, etc)… and at the same time if the general public knew about my own occasional meltdowns where I have loudly lectured him (he’s verbal), they would probably be horrified. It doesn’t happen very often, and it’s the opposite of what I ever dreamed of doing, but sometimes I think it’s what he needs. This might be controversial, but some kids need to be yelled at sometimes. Some kids react terribly to it (like me). Every kid is different. He doesn’t seem disturbed when I raise my voice- just surprised and like “oh, she’s serious, okay fine”. My kid is going to be 7. I’m with him 23/7 (because school currently only allows him there for an hour). I think I know when he needs a lecture and when he needs comfort. But as the primary caregiver in a world of people who judge before they think, his autism is my “fault”. Sorry had to rant lol, Being on time for school is the societal expectation that causes me the most stress, particularly because I used to work in school admin. I have had to become more relaxed about it.
I got a bit of a lecture at school pick up today. Apparently it took my son some time to settle at school this morning, he was disregulated because he missed the register and was late for his favourite class.
It's because he spent 30 mins before school laid on the floor with his arms glued to his sides refusing to let me take his pyjama top off :-)
Anything that requires being there at a set time is a struggle. , Reading all these things makes me realize how lucky I am with my little one. He's got social deficiency but that's about it. I really appreciate this dose of reality frankly because I'm a single mom and sometimes it just feels so overwhelming. , I have a trans teen. He came out at 11, he’s nearly 18. From my own family, I still get “it’s just a phase, the more you accept it, the more it encourages it.” Like it’s somehow not ok for him to express his true self and I’m somehow not supposed to accept and love my son for the beautiful person that he is. Also anything around food, anxiety, or sleep., I'm going to guess that "time out" has a very different connotation for a lot of these people.
The way I and many people I'm aware of learned about it was as a punishment. You were forced to sit in a corner an arbitrary number of minutes by an authority figure and find it sufficiently aversive to not want to do whatever led to it in the first place, as well as contemplate what you did, and it was widely offered up as a better alternative to corporal punishment, especially for young children.
You/your kid's version of time out sounds completely different and a lot more positive. You might need to clarify.
As for what didn't work for my own kid, a lot of stuff that banks on "because I said so" or "I'm the parent, you're the child". It made them dig in harder. We also had to sometimes accept when they had better logic than we did about the nonsensical nature of those kinds of rules a lot of people just accept like the double standards around swearing and how to talk about Santa., "He will eat when he's hungry." When my son was a toddler, he wouldn't eat if I didn't offer a safe food. Before we put the pieces together and had him assessed, he wouldn't eat and he would melt down. I started giving him the foods he could eat would devour them. Everyone who knew even his doctor would say that I need to keep offering other foods. But he wouldn't even tolerate it sitting in front of him. I'm thankful I trusted my gut., On the time outs - My kid went to a day care that didn't do time outs. Well, they ended up doing time outs with him. They called it something else, but it was 100% a time out. It was a validating. I think the no timeout movement is misguided. It's not the right approach for every kid and there are certainly bad ways to do a timeout, but I disagree on the reasoning that they are inherently bad in general. Regardless, my kid NEEEEEEEEEEDS them. And for real time outs. "Time ins" with an adult there for co-regulating are not an option until he calms down. Then he needs all the connection stuff. We use this a lot less now that he is older (almost 7) and has started to develop ways to give himself a little break in social situations., “He has ASD and needs methods that work for him…and this is what is currently working the best” is all I’d tell the preschool. I also don’t see how a few minutes of timeout will hurt social development. He is still getting plenty of interaction when not in time out., “They’ll eat what you cook if they’re hungry enough”. Nope, sorry, my kid will literally starve himself. I gladly offer chicken nuggets, lunchables, and pb&j for dinner. He does eat on spaghetti and sloppy joe night though!!!, ALL THE BEDTIME ADVICE...every single thing backfired and weirdly the opposite often worked for us.
Having a ridgid routine just gave him info on what to derail next...
Epson salt baths made him hyper...
He's super visually sensory seeking, not interested in books at bedtime just wanted to flip pages - when i finally let go of the no screen thing he began happily and quickly falling asleep to a favorite movie.
It sometimes took me 2+ hours to get him to go to sleep following the standard advice i almost lost my mind lol, My kid went through a rough hitting phase when he would get disregulated and the only way for him to regulate was to do time out in a quiet space separate from the stimuli. Trusted adult nearby for needs and if he wanted connection after we were there.
Also, my kid will literally starve himself to death if we did not provide him his "safe foods" to eat, typically beige or bland. Anything too tasteful or weird textures make him gag.
You're doing great, you know your kid, people not in the shoes of raising your kid can kindly eff off in my opinion. But some people just word vomit., I was going to say this too. Redirecting did NOT work. He would just go back as many times as he possibly could. All day long., God this is so true. My mom tries to do this alllllll the time with my son. It’s so frustrating because all it does is aggravate him more since he feels like he’s not being heard., I wish there was a laughing button. I read this and it’s so funny and so true., Absolutely our situation, as well. Any kind of redirecting or offering other things just induces a meltdown., Yup! What I do is put myself in the situation. Say I really wanted to watch a show on TV, and someone kept telling me, "Let's do this instead". It would just tick me off and make me obsess more about what I wanted. Add that to a child with neurodiversity, and you can imagine how amplified that would be., I was going to say “he’ll eat when he gets hungry”.
Nope he’ll just meltdown even more because he is even more disregulated from low blood sugar., Those first two quotes were from my wife's parents, even after his diagnosis. When we were visiting them, they refused to let him eat "unhealthy foods" that he preferred, like peanut butter waffles for breakfast and McDonald's chicken nuggets for lunch or dinner. Only after a 10-alarm meltdown did they acquiesce. We warned them, but did they listen? Of course not., When professionals recommend pedestrian shit like sticker charts (or anything else that is low hanging fruit) I want to scream. At this point, why would we parents be seeking advice from a “professional” if a freaking sticker was the solution?? More and more I realize many of the professionals who deal with kids on the spectrum are textbook educated, but have no actual clue or personal experience living with a kid on the spectrum, which is to say real world application of what their textbooks may teach them., Agreed! My daughter's lunch, I always think, must look bizarre: it's a collection of yogurt tubes (which are hit or miss), ritz sandwich crackers, goldfish crackers, mini cookies, etc. She won't eat sandwiches or typical "lunch" foods. They have a policy of not reheating foods post pandemic, so that limits us as well. Thankfully, no one at school has ever commented. My daughter is the same with foods. She will not eat what we're eating no matter what we do and I don't think it's right or healthy to try to force someone to eat things they have aversions to., All of this! I have to hold myself back from hitting people who insert themselves into this problem without any knowledge of ARFID., My son has all these same issues too and I got allll the same comments including from the grandparents. Took them years to finally understand and educate themselves., My MIL FINALLY got it when my husband tried to force our kid to eat chicken fingers in front of her. She'd never seen a full on meltdown and finally realized the depth of my child's sadness and frustration with certain foods. She backed off after that. Too bad it took such an awful incident to get through to her., 😳 is this what my son has?
I just call him picky. He ate a peanut butter jelly sandwich every day for lunch for 2 years straight . . . I am not exaggerating.
I’ve had some success I suppose. He will try new things, but only 1 tiny bite. But he’s always struggled with nutrition and proper growth curves. He’s smaller than his peers. I know some of it is genetic (skinny and tall on dad’s side, short/average men on mine)
Why wouldn’t my doctors diagnosis this?, hi - this is my life. i see you, mama!
— a mom who’s son is on the spectrum, has a G-tube… sensory issues surrounding food and i have often wondered if we might eventually get an ARFID diagnosis, This!!, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. People need to expand their minds like omg how is it hard to understand lol
My youngest with the more prominent autism is fine with any food. It’s my older son who has this issue (who I only realized was high functioning autistic when my young son was diagnosed).
He is going to be 15. He’s still like this. However, as he matures, he has slowly accepted more foods as being “good”., Oh yes. I got “she’ll eat when she gets hungry.” From someone who had watched our whole diagnosis journey, and who had a psychology degree! And never spent time with my kid! She also criticized me for giving my kid too much therapy. Because she had one therapist. It got under my skin enough that I delayed speech therapy. I’m still mad about it. It’s so damn arrogant to assume you know how to parent someone else’s kid., YES. All of this! My daughter is an only child (and only grandchild.) When something spikes her interest, we move heaven and earth to do it, as long as it's reasonably do-able: ie. she's very picky about clothes. So when she wants to go shopping, we do, and if she finds something she likes, we buy it, because it's rare she finds something. She doesn't always want to leave the house, so when she got interested in the zoo, we got a membership. Same with Starbucks trips, book fairs, toys, restaurants, etc. She doesn't act like a spoiled kid, she actually asks for far less than some kids as she knows she can likely have it. I think it's ridiculous to think we can "spoil" a child by showing affection: a child can never be shown enough love, especially after a meltdown when they usually feel unloveable: they need to know we love them unconditionally. The whole "rewarding bad behavior" is such a 1950's thing., Oh ya. Someone in public once told me that i need to “start saying no to her” (I was letting her touch something, closely supervising). Like, you think I don’t say no to this kid? 😂, I had to fight off death-glaring anyone who said the phrase "she'll sleep well tonight!" Any time my daughter does too much, she can't wind down and go to sleep. Sure, take most kids to the zoo and let them run around for hours, they'll pass out early. My kid? She's up until at least 10pm because she can't wind down again., This is the biggest one for us. And weaning. Wishing I had never been pushed into breastfeeding because I know her sleep and nursing go hand in hand; the only reason she’s not fully weaned is because that’s the only way she falls asleep unless we’re in the car. But even then she still went to bed by nursing at 2am this morning with no nap yesterday. Then we’re also working on transitioning her into a “cubby bed” hoping that I can change up the routine once and for all enough to take out nursing and find other ways to comfort her to sleep.
Every time the dentist tells me that it’s negatively affecting her teeth and I should try to brush after (I brush before), I have to remind them that it is literally the ONLY way she will go to sleep and brushing wakes her right back up, so I’d still be nursing her back to sleep. They still continue to act like I’m failing. Trust me I’ve been trying to fix her sleep and nursing habits for two years 😭 it’s seeming like a never ending cycle where even her therapists have no clue what to do next (if this next transition doesn’t work) within our resources., My first response too., Yes, 100%. When my son was 2 or so and was in the age of trying to climb out of his crib and then his bed and the advice was “calmly walk him back to bed”, I would literally cry because he would just keep doing it for hours. Luckily at some point in there our doctor recommended melatonin and it got better., But have you tried just giving them a bath and reading a story??
No Bev, it never occurred to me to try the most common bit of sleep advice in the world, ever, until you mentioned it just now. Our sleepless nights are solved, thank you so much!, Came here to say this exactly. Not a single sleep consultant/ parent advice helped. Finally when I felt broken and exhausted I talked to a pediatric sleep neurologist who prescribed medication and it has made the most difference. He sleeps, we sleep, I can’t emphasize enough how I thought I was failing bc nothing ever worked re “sleep training”., YES. Same here. The only thing that works to help her fall asleep is melatonin., 100%. Idk who all that sleep advice is for... but it's not for my kids, that's for sure, Melatonin works very effectively. Ritalin made sleeping worse than it already was. A fraction of the prescribed melatonin worked like a charm., I’m a single parent and my son slept in my bed until the age of 13. I didn’t mind, we all slept better, but lord did I hear it from my mother. Every. Single. Day., Same. It helps our son regulate., YES. My daughter has unlimited screen time as long as it is supervised. (no screens in rooms without parents), THANK YOU I feel so guilty how much my kids watches tv. YouTube is one of his special interests (I know it’s weird). But we watch stuff at dinner and talk. He focuses on eating better when there is something to distract him., I'm so glad you said this. I feel like my twins are on screens so much., This is SO HARD when it’s your kids’ special interest. And then you feel bad when they’ve spent hours on their tablets because “it’s not good for kids to spend X hours in front of a screen” and no, you don’t want them to get addicted to screens but it doesn’t feel right taking away their favorite thing either 😭, Yes, this is totally true for my daughter too. I feel like pediatricians offices need to have a separate handout/ guidelines for kids on the spectrum., Same! It’s also the ONLY chance I get to be with myself. He has to watch his iPad while he eats. He likes it in the morning and at night. I don’t even care at this point what people think- they’re on their phones all gd day too!, Same. Except she also refused to drink water, so after taking her bottles there suddenly there was nothing she was willing to drink besides juice, and “just give her water! No kid will just refuse to drink!” is factually untrue. We didn’t have a diagnosis at that point so I played dehydration chicken in July and lost. She’s 6.5 and she has still never had more than a sip of plain water., We did the same. My son only drinks water. I see that as a win though. I’ve always hated milk myself. 🤷♀️, Yes! SAME! Did the 'right' thing for his teeth & straight up no milk ever since the bottle retirement and he turns 4 in May.
He was so pissed milk wasn't in a bottle he even stopped drinking water for nearly two days because he was so 'offended' that milk was in his straw cup instead of water.
That said kiddo drinks nothing but water these days so I guess it's a plus, but yogurt & cheese are doing the heavy lifting for calcium intake! 😂, We have nightmares like this too where they meltdown because the idea of not getting the reward is too overwhelming., I feel this so much., Yes! Offering a reward always, always leads to my 8 year old not being able to do the task., Some folks are just wired differently sleep wise. And it's such a shame that our entire current culture doesn't want to support it.
I was always a kid who hated the day time. I refused to go in the sun if I could avoid it. Would crash the minute I got home from school to sleep. Even as a baby, up all night and asleep most of the day. Drove Mom nuts cause she was very much a day person.
Never went away. At best I was able to do a split sleep schedule of 4 hours at night and 4 hours in the afternoon/evening. But that never fully stuck., Solidarity, friend. It took a prescription for clonidine, some melatonin, and almost 6 years for us to get a full night of sleep from our daughter. It can feel so disheartening when you're in the thick of it. Hang in there. , "No screens before bed." Yeah the ONLY way my kid is going to sleep is if we watch three Disney shorts, in bed, on my phone. piper, Knick knack, boundin. In that order. I sing him one song after. Then he rolls over and goes right to sleep. Before that it was literally 2 hours of screaming/laughing/flopping. Now 20 minutes and out., Overnight is hormone based. Some kids don't get it til like 6 or 7. We were told not to worry at 5, and it just sort of happened on its own shortly thereafter., Oh my gosh I’m glad I’m not the only one who struggles. Mine is 7 AuDHD lvl 1 and still has accidents. He developed encopresis and we had to take him to a GI for mild intestinal blockage (laxatives and fiber). When they ask me what age he potty trained I just 🤷♀️, Yes. Been potty training for 2+ years and he is 4.5.
Want to bang my head against the wall when people are like “oh we just used M&Ms” or “we used a sticker chart” or… the best one I heard… “at school the staff will help him potty like my kid” 🤦♀️ (HE’S HOMESCHOOLED, I *AM* “THE STAFF”), I feel this hard. Typical advise is not helpful and my kiddo doesn't care about rewards in that way. We are still gently trying at 3.5y/o, know to hold and sometimes goes, but not there yet. It doesn't bother me most of the time but when hanging out with NT kids of the same age can be a little challenging. This subthread is making me feel more ok about it, thank you., Oh, yes! Very much listen to kids sides of things. The worst feeling in the world is knowing someone was rude, wrong with you, or abusive. But no one believes you or is even willing to listen cause your a kid.
I still feel at almost 29 that because of my Autism my parents and grandparents don't believe me on most things still. Even when I'm very knowledgeable on a topic, they treat me like I'm wrong. Then when it turns out I was right, never even get so much as an acknowledgement. Just them ignoring it.
Ugh. When I have my own kids one day, I'm going to listen to them. Problems I'll hear both sides. If they are in the wrong, then yeah. But otherwise. Just. I don't want kids to go through that feeling it gives to self confidence, knowing no one takes you seriously., There’s several different parenting styles for a reason. It’s not one size fits all. You’re doin fine ☺️, Yeah I like the philosophy of gentle parenting, and I try to keep it in mind. Like obviously yelling isn't going to be the best strategy in most situations. But explaining things? No, sorry. My kids don't get it., I use gentle parenting, but I do most of the talking.
He is an intelligent Level 1 8 year old though, and it doesn't stop behaviour, but it explains it to him, so that he doesn't get so anxious.
For example, I haven't managed to stop him drawing on my walls, but I have managed to help him manage meltdowns, by explaining to him what they are and why they happen, and helping him see the signs so he can communicate better.
It won't work for everyone, but it might help some people.
He only draws on the wall when he is bored or frustrated, so minimizing meltdowns has halved the number of times we have graffiti..., Any amount of “reasoning”, especially with my son, made him meltdown more, or just shut down, and he would not listen anymore, which usually perpetuates whatever is the issue., I.. I never thought of doing this. I have noticed if he has a few snack/treat foods on his plate he starts there and eats more but it never really clicked.
THANK YOU!!!, That is brilliant. I'm going to start trying this., I tried this so many times at different ages with my oldest, because we were first-time clueless parents and I was willing to try whatever. She never calmed down, it only ramped it up., This frustrates me to no end. How do you combat this?, The parents of multiples sub will be right there with you on that! 😂, Sleep? Don’t know her, My reply is "and shower when the baby showers, and do the dishes when the baby does the dishes."
It makes no sense., Mine quit his pacifier on his own about 2 or so. Got some guilt from the dentist too., My son learns so much from YouTube. And he started learning to read with Minecraft., Oh god I hear this all the time from just about everyone in my life and the whole “you’re the parent” is so tired. It’s the same as “Why? Because I said so!” Why can’t we let any kid decide for themselves within reason what they want to eat? The crap I was forced to eat when I was a kid was some of the least healthy foods. Everything somehow had a can of soup in it., I'm a night owl too, and so are all my kids. I completely agree about some people just being naturally inclined towards nighttime. I've heard it called a "chronotype". I've had family and teachers get on my ass about how I need to be more responsible and go to sleep earlier so I can wake up earlier... Yeah, that doesn't happen. And add a kid I used to lie awake in my bed staring at things around the room for *hours* because I just couldn't sleep., I'm a fellow "night watch ancestry" human. I started working night shifts this year and I wish I'd been able to do it sooner. It sucks that overnight jobs often don't pay as much as 'normal' day shift jobs. I enjoy working mostly alone in the quiet of the night., I am just learning about PDA and a lightbulb is going off in my head that this summarizes so much of my autistic daughter’s behaviors. I used to think she had oppositional defiance disorder, but realized she is too young, and has never had anything traumatic happen to her to be ODD, but PDA is so fitting. Do you have any resources or recommendations to point me to further PDA info? Any personal advice on how you’re navigating?
Oh by the way, my daughter is 5. And was diagnosed two years ago with autism, yet I’ve never heard anything about PDA from any of her early intervention team., I have a non-binary teen and I get the same shit from family. Like somehow I'm supposed to make my kid's life even more miserable by not accepting them???
I've come to think my kid's sensory issues extend all the way into the heart of their gender identity. My kid is not choosing this because it's fun., I’m so glad I’m not alone in parenting a child with food issues. I’ve heard all those same lines too. Every family get together is traumatic revolving around food as well. My son prefers specific crunchy texture and literally will only eat the same five things!, Same with mine. Then they muttered about how I spoil him., My mother-in-law..."WHY can't she eat any VEGETABLES!" Gee, I don't know, why don't you ask her? (Non-verbal 3 y/o with ARFID), This drives me nuts too... I didn't have my son on a waiting list for 9 months to finally get in to see this so called "expert" and spend $600 on an "initial consultation" to be given advice I have already read on the Internet that doesn't work., Worse, my older autistic child got ahold of the sticker chart and insisted on doing it. After two weeks of stickers, he went from sometimes eating carrots to absolutely refusing to eat more than a tiny nibble of a carrot in exchange for a sticker. Nearly a year later, he still won’t eat carrots.
So basically it led to net negative progress on vegetables in my house., I’ve come to realize this as well. These so called professionals are only book smart and majority of the times the book isn’t right. Only when talking to someone who has either had autism or has dealt with someone with autism do you get advice. Other than that, if you try to talk to someone who can’t relate you either get judged as a bad parent or get told some useless stuff you’ve tried already that doesn’t work or wouldn’t work even if you’ve never tried it. They don’t understand that the child is just different and has nothing to do with parenting or bad behavior, it’s just their mental., Yes!!! Yes!!!! Yes!!!, ARFID is Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. It’s an eating disorder characterized by extreme anxiety around food and intensively restrictive eating. It’s not as well known—your doctors simply might not know about it.
You can request a referral to a psychiatrist or feeding therapist., This is amazing to hear. My kid has an ARFID diagnosis and it's a real struggle but she eats better than some neurotypical kids I have seen. Your kid should absolutely have a diagnosis, not that it has done us any good. We were sent away from feeding therapy because she had too many "behavioral issues" for it to work (i.e. she didn't want to sit there and eat food she didn't like, which, excuse me but isn't that why we are here in the first place?), I was raised by boomers and honestly the last thing they should be giving is parenting advice. My siblings and I are just now in the process of undoing all the damage our parents and teachers inflicted., Yes!!
Getting my kid more tired only makes them harder to settle down for bedtime, THIS omg so much., That's a "smile and nod whilst screaming internally" thing here., My sister, who is the mother of quite a few children, including several neurodivergent ones (ADHD not ASD) gave me some advice when my oldest was born... The more they sleep, the more they sleep.
When some kids haven't slept enough, they can't fall asleep. When they've slept plenty, they sleep well. It's really true., I wish I could hug you! My little one is three and still nurses on/off during the day and at night. We have decay in her back molars and front teeth. I hate hearing from family, when are you going to ween her, etc., because they don't understand what it is to try to ween a child who doesn't understand or can't communicate regularly., I just feel like telling one of these "well meaning" advice givers that we give our kids large lattes and meth. Thanks so much for guiding me a better way. Lol., Same here but with mario games., My son is really into YouTube weirdness. He loves things with effects on, reversed songs, weird colour changes, wiggly pictures, all that jazz. It's brain melting for me, but he loves it., I'm sure you've tried this already but I'm throwing it out there. I have a non water drinker as well. Only "juice", but he doesn't want actual juice just flavored water. We use the clear water flavoring from Walmart. Grape or strawberry are his faves., Yeah, we were lucky that she's always liked water, so we just let it go on our end. "No kid will let themselves starve!" Is another one I roll my eyes at. My daughter barely tolerates eating on the best of days. Don't provide safe foods, she will 100% let herself starve (put herself in the hospital once when she was sick because she just entirely stopped eating or drinking anything), My son is 3 and will only drink an orange water enhancer. He WILL NOT drink water. Never would and I tried and tried so this is what we got. It’s sugar free so I’m happy with it, Thank you!! It has been so validating hearing this from other parents too. , Last night my wife counted to 564.
Slowly, Thank you!!, I use smarties. No, it doesn't work for my ASD kid. The others think it's fab., My kid could care less about rewards too. There is also no way to discipline her so she will stop doing the things she knows she isn't supposed to do. She basically just does what she feels like doing and we just hope she will be self motivated to do something positive. Anything else is meltdown fuel., Yeah it just doesn’t work for my son because he can’t correlate his actions to the way someone else feels. If I tell him “this is not acceptable, this makes mommy upset, etc” he’s just going to be like… “okay…” and move on and keep doing it lol, That’s great that it works for you but that’s probably because your child is Level 1 and is able to comprehend and understand what you’re saying., Same. And I’m sorry but I have found NOTHING but judgement from the gentle parenting crowd when I mention that their techniques do not work for autistic children. They don’t realize the immense privilege they have of being able to reason and rationalize with their child, It’s worth a shot, good luck! 🍀, I felt this in my soul. Seriously. Especially the teachers and the staring at things in your room, hoping you’d fall asleep.
Chronotype is a new word for me, but I love this. I’m always learning more about myself and my daughter, and I think you’ve nailed this. It’s just who we are, it’s a feature - not a problem., I am so grateful to know there are others like us! Overnight jobs are always the ones I lean towards, and especially when I was younger and had a harder time regulating myself/adjusting to “normal” 9-5 jobs.
There’s just always something more to working night shifts, and I agree: they should be compensated more fairly - especially as the “day walkers” (lol) don’t enjoy the night shifts like we do. 😊 Our job is still important and valuable., I’ve recently discovered that my son only likes crunchy stuff. No gooey goopy. Although he does live uncrustables PB&J. I’ve been able to get him to come around to some stuff (like cheese pizza) but there is a huuuuge no-go zone that includes literally all pasta. He basically lives off chicken nuggets, fries, and fruit., We heard this nonsense (behind our backs, of course) until my daughter had a full-blown tantrum. They were all so shocked. My husband and I were like, yeah, what did you think we were making this shit up?, Not mine, if she oversleeps in the morning or naps AT ALL during the day, even if it's only a 5 minute nap she will be up until at least midnight. If she falls asleep early she wakes up at 3 am and wants to giggle and bounce and play and won't go back to bed. It has been this way since she was 3. The only exception is if she is very sick. Melatonin made it worse., Sending virtual hugs. While I’m glad to not feel so alone knowing we’re not the only ones struggling with this, I hate that others have felt how hard it is and the judgement from family and the dental community.
My girl is also 3, currently sick and communicating through mostly grunts other than asking to nurse (sometimes she doesn’t ask, just pulls at me. So I’m glad when she does ask). The guilt for feeling like I’ve created a bad habit, embarrassment felt from judgement, and overall mental toll has been a lot. We’re in this together ❤️, My daughter is obsessed with old school Mario on my husband's old console. We devised a system of tokens that she "earns" when she eats her meal, goes potty in the toilet etc, and with tokens she gets time to play her game. It's also made her more adventurous with foods because we mimic Yoshi eating the foods too., Omg the Mario obsession here is real 😂, I often walk in and just comment “you’re so weird, dude”, That's what I use for my kids too. Water drops are stashed in the pantry, the car, my purse, their backpacks, etc. I just bought a Cirkul water bottle. It comes with these cartridges that flavor the water as you sip. The paras at school wouldn't have to worry about flavoring their water appropriately anymore, just add more water if they finish. Now the trick is getting my kids to try drinking from a new bottle with a new spout. We’ll see. Either I've found a game changer or I've purchased another water bottle for myself., You guys are amazing parents, seriously. They need to give you a medal… or five, Yes, it won't work for a child who is Level 2 or 3. And I don't get the results that I expect from my neurotypical child. It's just not the same., >it’s a feature - not a problem.
Exactly, and I think a lot of people forget that the world needs night owls too. Morning people act so superior but who was keeping things running while they were asleep, huh? Night owls!, Yeah my kid is a beige kid (only eats beige crunchy things) if it has even slightest green -nope city. He smells everything before eating too. Gives it a funny smell test, That's tough. Every kid is so different., Right? It’s exactly why my kid brain used to default to the ancestral night guardian idea: I’d be laying awake and hearing and seeing things that no one asleep would ever have seen. It’s definitely a cool superpower: we’re the protectors and defenders and workers who can get things done when the sun is down.
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What kind of therapy could help my son?
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My 5 years old son has autism and he is hyperactive.
He is on these therapies:
-ABA, 38 hrs a week. He’s been there for 8 months.
-OT, 1 hr a week. He’s been there for 1.5 months.
-Speech, 1 hr a week. He’s been there for 1.5 months.
He is been doing well on ABA but I don’t feel the other ones are working. Specially because we can’t focus in what’s happening around. He doesn’t seem to listen the therapist or me. He just jumps around the place the whole hour.
Is there another kind of therapy that could help with this?
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Hey there! My son is 4.5 and VERY hyperactive too, which makes it hard for him to sit still and attend to tasks, particularly during his speech sessions. He was diagnosed with autism at age 2 and we suspect he may have co-occurring ADHD which is apparently more common than I realized with kids who have autism. We also have a family history of ADHD, so go figure.
My son does ABA, OT and speech therapy as well. In ABA and OT they take way more "sensory breaks" (letting my son engage in gross-motor activities like swinging, crashing on the crash pad, etc) which seem to help him get re-regulated and refocus for short bursts of time. Luckily they have these types of items at the locations where he does ABA and OT.
For speech therapy and at his preschool though, it's been a little more difficult to get him re-regulated and able to focus. It was actually my son's speech therapist that recommended we talk to his pediatrician about getting an assessment for ADHD since she works with a lot of kids on the spectrum and my son's hyperactivity seems much higher than the average kid she sees. We have an appointment for this type of assessment in April. I was told they may recommend a low-dose non-stimulant medication like Guanfacine to help with his hyperactivity. I'm not 100% sure we'll try it get (if it's even recommended), but I also want to make sure my son can meaningfully engage in his therapies as much as possible to reap their benefits, so we'll see. I won't write it off yet.
TLDR; ask your kid's current therapists if they can help with some sensory-integration work within their therapies, and talk to your kid's pediatrician about the possibility of an ADHD assessment. Even if you choose not to try medication with your child at this age, it would be helpful to know if this diagnosis is also impacting them. Good luck :), Woah! That’s very very helpful! Thank you!, Hello! Did you decide to try the medication?
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What say ye??
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Not necessarily advice, rather, asking for honest opinions I disagree with what this mother does, but am seeking other ideas and thoughts
My "wife" doesn't take our son to any doctor, or pediatric physician, or etc. She only speaks to the family doctor by phone or the occasional office visit - yet she doesn't take our son (age 11 5'7" 165lbs)
She refuses help from qualified counselors and trusts "her own" perceptions and discoveries through the internet
She thinks (without more than high school education) that she knows better than long term ASD trained doctors and counselors etc
She has a victim mentality and everything anyone says or does is "against" her and daily, multiple times he's abusive to her physically and she just takes it without correcting him other than shouting etc
What say ye??
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So, why don't you take him to the doctor yourself? You are presumably his other parent and have the same right and ability to seek treatment for him., So while you can’t be bothered to take your son to the doctor yourself to get him the help he needs plus the fact he’s physically assaulting your wife.,,
But you can post on r/newbrunswickgonewild about..
Needing to find a a witch to lift a curse
Finding a BBW to have sex with
Finding a man or trans woman to blow you
You’re a winner dude, truly., If you’re concerned, I encourage you to take him to the doctor’s (and if he doesn’t have a regular doctor make an appointment with one) and express your concerns., [deleted], Why don’t you worry less about what your wife is doing and take YOUR child to get the help he needs?
At this point you’re both failing him, but at least her failure isn’t because she’s sitting around judging you while she doesn’t nothing FFS🙄, Instead of coming here and constantly complaining, why don't you do something?, I say that I would like to know why you aren't dragging your kid around doctors/therapists yourself., Well it depends. Is your son actually diagnosed? How is he doing? Does he NEED medical help with therapies? Does he have an IEP at school and getting the help he needs there? I can't really judge if your wife is doing right or wrong if your son isn't struggling. And like other's have said, is there some kind of court order where you can't physically take your son to the doctor yourself?, When you say “occasional office visit” do you mean like a well check up? Is this the one where he gets his shots and get weighed and everything?
I have Kaiser but I know certain visits can look different for everybody.
I have two older kiddos with pretty noticeable autism but had I not taken them, got them diagnosed, and gotten them the hell they needed I NEVER would have known or agreed that they had it because I was never around other kids in my whole life with it OR knew anyone with it. The signs would have gone completely over my head.
NOW I’d say the more doctors and specialists I can get to look at my kids the BETTER because then they can give me multiple opinions and give me more and more resources to get them any help that could benefit them later down the line.
She kinda comes off like the doctors are
Gonna lie or try to make things up or something, I’m a little thrown off TBH.
I don’t know her and I don’t want to judge but if the child has autism I personally would want them to get as much help as possible because she won’t always be around and that kind is gonna have to take care of himself one day.
How can he do that if he isn’t taught to recognize and trained to get around some of the road blocks he most likely will face when he’s older? It could be setting him up for failure because it’ll end up crippling him in the long run., I never knew asking opinions would cause such a negative stir.
I'm not sure how to proceed or I wouldn't be asking for help
Thank you and I apologize, I don't know where to start or how to really get the doctor involved
If I was just here complaining as you're claiming I would not describe things and ask for answers from other parents, My honest opnion? Some mothers are with their children 24/7 and I would say, she will know better then anyone whats going on with the child. I wouldn't say she knows exactly whats going on and how to best proceed, but she has more information and experience then a doctor that will look at the kid for the first time.
Our son pediatrician never raised any flag despite being with him since he was 2 years old. He got diagnosed at 5. My wife always knew something were different, but no one, even me, gave her proper credit.
That being said, no kid should be without pediatrician accompanied and I would reinforce that anything related to the kids health should be look by a qualified specialist., Omg you dressed him down, I understand. It's only my side you read
However
If it were my sister, or Aunt, or etc?
I'd still ask questions about why she feels she knows more than trained professionals and refuses help from anyone
Our son doesn't benefit from resistance and is getting no help, What do you think he’s doing by coming here? He’s trying to get more information about how to proceed.
You clearly do not appreciate the situation he’s in and scolding him for seeking more information about how to better help his child is embarrassingly stupid, I mean imagine thinking that asking for advice is just “ complaining”.
C, Call the pediatrician. Tell them you'd like to schedule a checkup. Take your child to see the doctor. Make a list of things you'd like to address ahead of time so you don't forget anything., What is the primary complaint you feel he needs to see the doctor for?, Dude pls ignore all the wankers on here who have scolded you and are incapable of appreciating the difficult situation you are in, you are doing the right thing by your child by coming here, I really hope someone can provide some actionable and helpful advice, unfortunately the only thing I can think of is to try and get relationship counselling, but that won’t provide a solution in the short term.
Maybe go and speak to a dr yourself and see what advice they offer m, maybe the dr can help your child from afar. Sorry I can’t help more, You sound as passively involved as OP as🙄🙄, She’s the expert on who her child is and what he’s been through, she’s not the medical expert though, she can become a medical advocate for him , but only by cross referencing with multiple trained medical experts.
Assuming she knows more - just by reading online, suggests an ignorance and arrogance that could potentially be pathological. It’s also a wider problem in society atm., You’re his parent too. You can bring him to a doctor., He can “better help his child” by ACTUALLY taking the initiative to help his own kid. He doesn’t need permission to do that. And you’re enabling his inaction and excuses with your response., I think people are scolding him because we don't see anything that shows he's actually doing anything. If the doctor is the answer, why hasn't he taken his child? He's the parent too. If all he's prepared to do is whine on the internet and get tips about how to whine at his wife so she does the work, then yeah, people are less sympathic. I'd feel worse for OP if I saw any sign that he was blocked from taking action with his child. From what I understand, he's fully capable of engaging in his child's health as well and he wouldn't be the first parent to sneak a child to the doctor against their spouse's wishes., Omfg are you stupid? ASKING ADVICE IS NOT INACTION - so what going to the dr or consulting with a medical expert for their advice is inaction? What an unsophisticated reading of the situation.
I suppose you think everyone on here asking for advice is just engaging in “inaction “ ?
maybe if you’d done some more reading in your life- and asked for more advice, you wouldn’t be endorsing or “ enabling” ignorant positions.
Like How goddamn rude you are for attacking a parent for seeking advice about how to better care for their child. Thankfully most professionals don’t adhere to these ignorant attitudes. Maybe ask yourself why that is., lol so basically it’s because people can’t appreciate the position he’s in then. You guys have no idea how to put yourselves in the shoes of others.
Like does it ever occur to you that it might seem easy to you -CUZ THERES INFORMATION YOU DONT KNOW ABOUT? Do you actually think he can convey everything through a short post? No of course not, so why the hell wouldn’t you think “ oh maybe there’s more to this story” instead of going for the simplistic judgements right off the bat.
It’s just so ignorant.
It’s always easier to judge than try and understand- so I guess I shouldn’t expect anything else., That's the nature of the internet. If you don't give people information they'll work with what they have. Everyone is ignorant of the everyone on the internet. If they doesn't know that and give crucial information then they deserves what he gets. If you ask for help, don't expect great advice when you leave out everything important., No that’s the nature of small minds who cannot think outside their own experience/bubbles. I guess the internet is filled with these kinds of people though, considering most people in general are like this.
He hasn’t left out all the important info.
A good person will choose discernment and understanding, a selfish person who lacks compassion and is unable to understand- is only left with judgement.
You made your choice.
Funny thing is if this was mother/female- the attitudes would be very different, most would rightly discern this as a potential dv situation, but cuz it’s the father- everyone has overlooked the potential abuse in this relationship and told the victim to shut up and stop whinging., If it was a woman, they'd probably ask if they were abused like how we're asking if OP took their kid to the doctor and other clarifying answers and they're refusing to expand on it. People assume shit all the time on the internet. Did you assume OP was a woman? They could have been a lesbian. Somehow I think not. I guess you're small-minded., No didn’t assume, I interacted with them and confirmed.
It’s not small minded to assume, especially when the majority of people in relationships with women - are men, that’s a very logical assumption. If it’s incorrect it can be addressed later on- there’s a big difference between a value judgement and an assumption.
. Your also probably not going to get all the facts if your start off by making judgements.
Also I’m not talking about the people that asked clarifying questions , I’m talking about those that leapt into judgements and condemnations right off the bat based on what’s written in the post., > It’s not small minded to assume, especially when the majority of people in relationships with women - are men, that’s a very logical assumption. If it’s incorrect it can be addressed later on- there’s a big difference between a value judgement and an assumption.
If we're allowed to operate off generalities then why can't people assume that a husband isn't taking care of child care duties when that's overwhelmingly the case as confirmed by so many studies.
Like people asked this guy. They made an assumption that he didn't because he didn't mention it and again generally speaking men do not do anything around the serious part of caretaking. The very fact that he never answered or clarified also led many people to believe that they were right in their assumption.
I wouldn't blame anyone for assuming when they read that post look at the comments on that thread and then combine that with their post history. That picture is pretty clear.
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What should I do about my son’s Speech Therapist
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My son has been receiving OT at a children’s hospital. His OT is amazing and he has so much fun with her at the indoor gym. He had been receiving Speech Therapy at another hospital for a while but I decided to transfer his speech therapy at the same hospital (as the OT hospital) just to keep everything in one place and also because it’s a children’s specialized. I was so excited to start with this new ST. It’s been about five weeks now, he just cries every time. If he drops one thing on the ground, it just causes a breakdown. If she tells him to say “help me”, it causes a meltdown. If she offers bubbles, it causes a meltdown. We’ve only had about one decent session out of these five sessions. I asked the Speech Therapist if we could just do speech therapy in the indoor gym since he’s happy and thriving there (it’s all on the same floor). She said that she does not want to do that because she wants him to learn to be able to sit at the table and play. I do understand what she is saying. But after she said that, we had another two bad sessions. In my mind, I thought, ‘so you would rather have him cry the whole time, than just do therapy in the indoor gym where he’s happy and will cooperate more?’ I can see that she tries her best with him. But she’s only human and I can kind of tell that she does sort of get a little annoyed from the inside too. Am I overthinking this? What do you think I should do? Should I continue speech therapy at this children’s hospital or find another place? (I don’t want to request for another therapist at this hospital cause I don’t want her to think we don’t like her etc.) I just think he has evolved into a multi sensory type of guy now. If I was a speech therapist, I would be willing to do anything within my ability to help this child. I would go to the indoor gym and do therapy there if that’s what he prefers.
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When my son was in speech we would always have playtime before starting and after we finished. During the sessions the SLP would try to stick to here plan but she was always able to adapt to his energy for that day. Sometimes that meant that he got a quick playtime in session to get the "wiggles" out.
Another poster mentioned talking to the manager...that is probably the best option to get the support your son needs to facilitate his learning. I would frame it as asking permission to make this accommodation for your child. That you see his progress stagnating or regressing and you would like to move your child to a more comfortable environment.
Also you should not be able to see ANY frustration or annoyance from the therapist when your child is present. If you feel it your child definitely feels it and that is not okay. If the therapist is that annoyed during the session with your child she is not a good fit and that may be something that needs to be addressed in the future., SLP here NOPE. Call around to other therapists and find one that does child led therapy., She should be willing to go where ever. We did speech outside for 6 months before my daughter was willing to go inside. Before that she was upset the second she realized where we were. A good slp will do whatever it takes. Sometimes my daughter wants to go into the physical therapy area and play with the giant yoga balls and jump on the mini trampoline. We do that too. Whatever she wants is what we do. I would tell her we need to try a different location a few times until he's used to her, and coming there.. and slowly transition into her area., Get a new therapist yesterday. You must advocate for your child.
She might be the most wonderful SPT and kindest person and best knitter for 100 miles, but she is not the right therapist for your kiddo. It is nothing personal, ask if there is any other SPT at that location. Never say anything bad about the therapist, it is just NOT working out with your child.
Do not subject your kiddo to this any longer! They are telling you what they think (crying several times during and after the same therapist) and you are not paying attention., This is coming from an occupational therapist (with an autistic child). Not all clinicians and clients work well together. This is not a good fit for your child or the SLP. The SLP should recognize this as well and consider what’s best for your child. Request a different SLP. I’ve done this with my daughters SLPs, I tell the office “___” is not a good fit for us I’d like to work with someone else. It’s ok., I would ask for a different speech therapist. I agree with others that she should be willing to accommodate his needs. He’s not going to learn by being forced to stay put in a room or sit down on a chair. A lot of kids on the spectrum learn best when they are moving, my daughter’s speech therapist teaches my daughter while she’s jumping on the trampoline or on the swings. My daughter loves going to speech therapy because it’s fun. I don’t think your child’s speech therapist is a right match for your child. It’s okay to ask for a different one.
Edit: we also do tabletop activities (non preferred) but the SLP will negotiate with her and say “ok first we can go on the trampoline but then we are going to the table.” And that works because after the table she can do an activity of her choosing., I had this same exact issue with my son. He did not
Like closed doors, I think the problem is with the your kids SLP. My sons therapist did all his sessions in the gym. And now he is working on transition from gym to the room. They still take him in for less than 10 min so he can run and play and then move him to the room and he is having significantly less meltdowns. If she’s not willing to try, change the therapist. At the end of the day it’s your child. I had one therapist that strapped my kid to a chair for 30 min and I made it clear that they are to never schedule my son with the therapist., If your son does best in the indoor gym area I would also recommend asking for an accommodation. My son goes to Children’s outpatient for AAC therapy and his therapist reserves the gym during his sessions so he can swing, he does so much better and is much more engaged when he is able to have his sensory needs met., My ST is very accomodating, if the clock noise is making him uncomfortable she will remove it, she’s willing to switch to whatever game he decides, she’s working on bonding with him so he feels safe be comfortable with her and they can work together effectively. Your ST should be flexible, the fact that they’re letting them cry every session without trying to change the scene is wild., Do you have a local Facebook group for parents? Post about what type of ST you’re looking for and see the responses., She should be able to work with him in any environment. She just might not be comfortable doing it as she wants to follow a more strict routine. My SLP came to our home and used the natural environment for my kids and IF she could get the kids to do a sit down activity it was a bonus.
So for my youngest it's labeling things and asking for things.
Middle will be asking for things, can I have the red car etc. Gone from single word to sentences.
Oldest is most inclined to activities with SLP but will have movement breaks built in where he learns to ask for them not just do it.
Definitely look for someone else if she can't meet your son with his current comfort level. When he's comfortable he will learn more, the more he's prompted when he's uncomfortable the less he will try. Or at least the case is with my kids!, As others have mentioned, it’s okay to switch therapists. You need to do what’s best for your son’s needs., I think that it’s a red flag that she wants him to sit at the table and play. A lot of autistic kids struggle with being forced to do that. And it’s just not necessary. There are many other ways to play. And every therapist we’ve worked with has found it more important to have positive experiences so there is some positive association for the child. So I’d definitely speak up about it., > If the therapist is that annoyed during the session with your child she is not a good fit and that may be something that needs to be addressed in the future.
This. We've had really great luck with OTs but if there's a suspicion that something is off or just doesn't vibe right, pay attention. It just may not be a good fit., 100% this. Our amazing SLP does only child-led therapy. There is no sitting at the table if he doesn’t want to. She follows him around and engages with him regardless of the activity, even if this means he wants to play with his tablet. As a result, he invites her to play with him and really looks forward to their sessions! He’s grown leaps and bounds. This table-only nonsense is just that - nonsense!, Agreed, I ended up emailing her, When my son was in speech we would always have playtime before starting and after we finished. During the sessions the SLP would try to stick to here plan but she was always able to adapt to his energy for that day. Sometimes that meant that he got a quick playtime in session to get the "wiggles" out.
Another poster mentioned talking to the manager...that is probably the best option to get the support your son needs to facilitate his learning. I would frame it as asking permission to make this accommodation for your child. That you see his progress stagnating or regressing and you would like to move your child to a more comfortable environment.
Also you should not be able to see ANY frustration or annoyance from the therapist when your child is present. If you feel it your child definitely feels it and that is not okay. If the therapist is that annoyed during the session with your child she is not a good fit and that may be something that needs to be addressed in the future., SLP here NOPE. Call around to other therapists and find one that does child led therapy., She should be willing to go where ever. We did speech outside for 6 months before my daughter was willing to go inside. Before that she was upset the second she realized where we were. A good slp will do whatever it takes. Sometimes my daughter wants to go into the physical therapy area and play with the giant yoga balls and jump on the mini trampoline. We do that too. Whatever she wants is what we do. I would tell her we need to try a different location a few times until he's used to her, and coming there.. and slowly transition into her area., Get a new therapist yesterday. You must advocate for your child.
She might be the most wonderful SPT and kindest person and best knitter for 100 miles, but she is not the right therapist for your kiddo. It is nothing personal, ask if there is any other SPT at that location. Never say anything bad about the therapist, it is just NOT working out with your child.
Do not subject your kiddo to this any longer! They are telling you what they think (crying several times during and after the same therapist) and you are not paying attention., This is coming from an occupational therapist (with an autistic child). Not all clinicians and clients work well together. This is not a good fit for your child or the SLP. The SLP should recognize this as well and consider what’s best for your child. Request a different SLP. I’ve done this with my daughters SLPs, I tell the office “___” is not a good fit for us I’d like to work with someone else. It’s ok., I would ask for a different speech therapist. I agree with others that she should be willing to accommodate his needs. He’s not going to learn by being forced to stay put in a room or sit down on a chair. A lot of kids on the spectrum learn best when they are moving, my daughter’s speech therapist teaches my daughter while she’s jumping on the trampoline or on the swings. My daughter loves going to speech therapy because it’s fun. I don’t think your child’s speech therapist is a right match for your child. It’s okay to ask for a different one.
Edit: we also do tabletop activities (non preferred) but the SLP will negotiate with her and say “ok first we can go on the trampoline but then we are going to the table.” And that works because after the table she can do an activity of her choosing., I had this same exact issue with my son. He did not
Like closed doors, I think the problem is with the your kids SLP. My sons therapist did all his sessions in the gym. And now he is working on transition from gym to the room. They still take him in for less than 10 min so he can run and play and then move him to the room and he is having significantly less meltdowns. If she’s not willing to try, change the therapist. At the end of the day it’s your child. I had one therapist that strapped my kid to a chair for 30 min and I made it clear that they are to never schedule my son with the therapist., If your son does best in the indoor gym area I would also recommend asking for an accommodation. My son goes to Children’s outpatient for AAC therapy and his therapist reserves the gym during his sessions so he can swing, he does so much better and is much more engaged when he is able to have his sensory needs met., My ST is very accomodating, if the clock noise is making him uncomfortable she will remove it, she’s willing to switch to whatever game he decides, she’s working on bonding with him so he feels safe be comfortable with her and they can work together effectively. Your ST should be flexible, the fact that they’re letting them cry every session without trying to change the scene is wild., Do you have a local Facebook group for parents? Post about what type of ST you’re looking for and see the responses., She should be able to work with him in any environment. She just might not be comfortable doing it as she wants to follow a more strict routine. My SLP came to our home and used the natural environment for my kids and IF she could get the kids to do a sit down activity it was a bonus.
So for my youngest it's labeling things and asking for things.
Middle will be asking for things, can I have the red car etc. Gone from single word to sentences.
Oldest is most inclined to activities with SLP but will have movement breaks built in where he learns to ask for them not just do it.
Definitely look for someone else if she can't meet your son with his current comfort level. When he's comfortable he will learn more, the more he's prompted when he's uncomfortable the less he will try. Or at least the case is with my kids!, As others have mentioned, it’s okay to switch therapists. You need to do what’s best for your son’s needs., I think that it’s a red flag that she wants him to sit at the table and play. A lot of autistic kids struggle with being forced to do that. And it’s just not necessary. There are many other ways to play. And every therapist we’ve worked with has found it more important to have positive experiences so there is some positive association for the child. So I’d definitely speak up about it., > If the therapist is that annoyed during the session with your child she is not a good fit and that may be something that needs to be addressed in the future.
This. We've had really great luck with OTs but if there's a suspicion that something is off or just doesn't vibe right, pay attention. It just may not be a good fit., 100% this. Our amazing SLP does only child-led therapy. There is no sitting at the table if he doesn’t want to. She follows him around and engages with him regardless of the activity, even if this means he wants to play with his tablet. As a result, he invites her to play with him and really looks forward to their sessions! He’s grown leaps and bounds. This table-only nonsense is just that - nonsense!, Agreed, I ended up emailing her, When my son was in speech we would always have playtime before starting and after we finished. During the sessions the SLP would try to stick to here plan but she was always able to adapt to his energy for that day. Sometimes that meant that he got a quick playtime in session to get the "wiggles" out.
Another poster mentioned talking to the manager...that is probably the best option to get the support your son needs to facilitate his learning. I would frame it as asking permission to make this accommodation for your child. That you see his progress stagnating or regressing and you would like to move your child to a more comfortable environment.
Also you should not be able to see ANY frustration or annoyance from the therapist when your child is present. If you feel it your child definitely feels it and that is not okay. If the therapist is that annoyed during the session with your child she is not a good fit and that may be something that needs to be addressed in the future., SLP here NOPE. Call around to other therapists and find one that does child led therapy., She should be willing to go where ever. We did speech outside for 6 months before my daughter was willing to go inside. Before that she was upset the second she realized where we were. A good slp will do whatever it takes. Sometimes my daughter wants to go into the physical therapy area and play with the giant yoga balls and jump on the mini trampoline. We do that too. Whatever she wants is what we do. I would tell her we need to try a different location a few times until he's used to her, and coming there.. and slowly transition into her area., Get a new therapist yesterday. You must advocate for your child.
She might be the most wonderful SPT and kindest person and best knitter for 100 miles, but she is not the right therapist for your kiddo. It is nothing personal, ask if there is any other SPT at that location. Never say anything bad about the therapist, it is just NOT working out with your child.
Do not subject your kiddo to this any longer! They are telling you what they think (crying several times during and after the same therapist) and you are not paying attention., This is coming from an occupational therapist (with an autistic child). Not all clinicians and clients work well together. This is not a good fit for your child or the SLP. The SLP should recognize this as well and consider what’s best for your child. Request a different SLP. I’ve done this with my daughters SLPs, I tell the office “___” is not a good fit for us I’d like to work with someone else. It’s ok., I would ask for a different speech therapist. I agree with others that she should be willing to accommodate his needs. He’s not going to learn by being forced to stay put in a room or sit down on a chair. A lot of kids on the spectrum learn best when they are moving, my daughter’s speech therapist teaches my daughter while she’s jumping on the trampoline or on the swings. My daughter loves going to speech therapy because it’s fun. I don’t think your child’s speech therapist is a right match for your child. It’s okay to ask for a different one.
Edit: we also do tabletop activities (non preferred) but the SLP will negotiate with her and say “ok first we can go on the trampoline but then we are going to the table.” And that works because after the table she can do an activity of her choosing., I had this same exact issue with my son. He did not
Like closed doors, I think the problem is with the your kids SLP. My sons therapist did all his sessions in the gym. And now he is working on transition from gym to the room. They still take him in for less than 10 min so he can run and play and then move him to the room and he is having significantly less meltdowns. If she’s not willing to try, change the therapist. At the end of the day it’s your child. I had one therapist that strapped my kid to a chair for 30 min and I made it clear that they are to never schedule my son with the therapist., If your son does best in the indoor gym area I would also recommend asking for an accommodation. My son goes to Children’s outpatient for AAC therapy and his therapist reserves the gym during his sessions so he can swing, he does so much better and is much more engaged when he is able to have his sensory needs met., My ST is very accomodating, if the clock noise is making him uncomfortable she will remove it, she’s willing to switch to whatever game he decides, she’s working on bonding with him so he feels safe be comfortable with her and they can work together effectively. Your ST should be flexible, the fact that they’re letting them cry every session without trying to change the scene is wild., Do you have a local Facebook group for parents? Post about what type of ST you’re looking for and see the responses., She should be able to work with him in any environment. She just might not be comfortable doing it as she wants to follow a more strict routine. My SLP came to our home and used the natural environment for my kids and IF she could get the kids to do a sit down activity it was a bonus.
So for my youngest it's labeling things and asking for things.
Middle will be asking for things, can I have the red car etc. Gone from single word to sentences.
Oldest is most inclined to activities with SLP but will have movement breaks built in where he learns to ask for them not just do it.
Definitely look for someone else if she can't meet your son with his current comfort level. When he's comfortable he will learn more, the more he's prompted when he's uncomfortable the less he will try. Or at least the case is with my kids!, As others have mentioned, it’s okay to switch therapists. You need to do what’s best for your son’s needs., I think that it’s a red flag that she wants him to sit at the table and play. A lot of autistic kids struggle with being forced to do that. And it’s just not necessary. There are many other ways to play. And every therapist we’ve worked with has found it more important to have positive experiences so there is some positive association for the child. So I’d definitely speak up about it., > If the therapist is that annoyed during the session with your child she is not a good fit and that may be something that needs to be addressed in the future.
This. We've had really great luck with OTs but if there's a suspicion that something is off or just doesn't vibe right, pay attention. It just may not be a good fit., 100% this. Our amazing SLP does only child-led therapy. There is no sitting at the table if he doesn’t want to. She follows him around and engages with him regardless of the activity, even if this means he wants to play with his tablet. As a result, he invites her to play with him and really looks forward to their sessions! He’s grown leaps and bounds. This table-only nonsense is just that - nonsense!, Agreed, I ended up emailing her, When my son was in speech we would always have playtime before starting and after we finished. During the sessions the SLP would try to stick to here plan but she was always able to adapt to his energy for that day. Sometimes that meant that he got a quick playtime in session to get the "wiggles" out.
Another poster mentioned talking to the manager...that is probably the best option to get the support your son needs to facilitate his learning. I would frame it as asking permission to make this accommodation for your child. That you see his progress stagnating or regressing and you would like to move your child to a more comfortable environment.
Also you should not be able to see ANY frustration or annoyance from the therapist when your child is present. If you feel it your child definitely feels it and that is not okay. If the therapist is that annoyed during the session with your child she is not a good fit and that may be something that needs to be addressed in the future., SLP here NOPE. Call around to other therapists and find one that does child led therapy., She should be willing to go where ever. We did speech outside for 6 months before my daughter was willing to go inside. Before that she was upset the second she realized where we were. A good slp will do whatever it takes. Sometimes my daughter wants to go into the physical therapy area and play with the giant yoga balls and jump on the mini trampoline. We do that too. Whatever she wants is what we do. I would tell her we need to try a different location a few times until he's used to her, and coming there.. and slowly transition into her area., Get a new therapist yesterday. You must advocate for your child.
She might be the most wonderful SPT and kindest person and best knitter for 100 miles, but she is not the right therapist for your kiddo. It is nothing personal, ask if there is any other SPT at that location. Never say anything bad about the therapist, it is just NOT working out with your child.
Do not subject your kiddo to this any longer! They are telling you what they think (crying several times during and after the same therapist) and you are not paying attention., This is coming from an occupational therapist (with an autistic child). Not all clinicians and clients work well together. This is not a good fit for your child or the SLP. The SLP should recognize this as well and consider what’s best for your child. Request a different SLP. I’ve done this with my daughters SLPs, I tell the office “___” is not a good fit for us I’d like to work with someone else. It’s ok., I would ask for a different speech therapist. I agree with others that she should be willing to accommodate his needs. He’s not going to learn by being forced to stay put in a room or sit down on a chair. A lot of kids on the spectrum learn best when they are moving, my daughter’s speech therapist teaches my daughter while she’s jumping on the trampoline or on the swings. My daughter loves going to speech therapy because it’s fun. I don’t think your child’s speech therapist is a right match for your child. It’s okay to ask for a different one.
Edit: we also do tabletop activities (non preferred) but the SLP will negotiate with her and say “ok first we can go on the trampoline but then we are going to the table.” And that works because after the table she can do an activity of her choosing., I had this same exact issue with my son. He did not
Like closed doors, I think the problem is with the your kids SLP. My sons therapist did all his sessions in the gym. And now he is working on transition from gym to the room. They still take him in for less than 10 min so he can run and play and then move him to the room and he is having significantly less meltdowns. If she’s not willing to try, change the therapist. At the end of the day it’s your child. I had one therapist that strapped my kid to a chair for 30 min and I made it clear that they are to never schedule my son with the therapist., If your son does best in the indoor gym area I would also recommend asking for an accommodation. My son goes to Children’s outpatient for AAC therapy and his therapist reserves the gym during his sessions so he can swing, he does so much better and is much more engaged when he is able to have his sensory needs met., My ST is very accomodating, if the clock noise is making him uncomfortable she will remove it, she’s willing to switch to whatever game he decides, she’s working on bonding with him so he feels safe be comfortable with her and they can work together effectively. Your ST should be flexible, the fact that they’re letting them cry every session without trying to change the scene is wild., Do you have a local Facebook group for parents? Post about what type of ST you’re looking for and see the responses., She should be able to work with him in any environment. She just might not be comfortable doing it as she wants to follow a more strict routine. My SLP came to our home and used the natural environment for my kids and IF she could get the kids to do a sit down activity it was a bonus.
So for my youngest it's labeling things and asking for things.
Middle will be asking for things, can I have the red car etc. Gone from single word to sentences.
Oldest is most inclined to activities with SLP but will have movement breaks built in where he learns to ask for them not just do it.
Definitely look for someone else if she can't meet your son with his current comfort level. When he's comfortable he will learn more, the more he's prompted when he's uncomfortable the less he will try. Or at least the case is with my kids!, As others have mentioned, it’s okay to switch therapists. You need to do what’s best for your son’s needs., I think that it’s a red flag that she wants him to sit at the table and play. A lot of autistic kids struggle with being forced to do that. And it’s just not necessary. There are many other ways to play. And every therapist we’ve worked with has found it more important to have positive experiences so there is some positive association for the child. So I’d definitely speak up about it., > If the therapist is that annoyed during the session with your child she is not a good fit and that may be something that needs to be addressed in the future.
This. We've had really great luck with OTs but if there's a suspicion that something is off or just doesn't vibe right, pay attention. It just may not be a good fit., 100% this. Our amazing SLP does only child-led therapy. There is no sitting at the table if he doesn’t want to. She follows him around and engages with him regardless of the activity, even if this means he wants to play with his tablet. As a result, he invites her to play with him and really looks forward to their sessions! He’s grown leaps and bounds. This table-only nonsense is just that - nonsense!, Agreed, I ended up emailing her
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What to do about the poop?!
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I'm relatively new to the group so I'm sure a similar situation has been brought up before. My 3 yo daughter is obsessed with only pooping at nap time or bedtime and she is like Houdini with her clothes. No matter what we put her in, she'll find a way to wiggle out of it or pull her diaper off through the leg so she can play in it and get it all over.
We have bought the $40 rompers that zip in the back and doubled them up. She still finds a way. 4 days per week we are scrubbing the walls and her crib with special cleaners. What can we do?
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Have you tried the dance leotards? They don't have any buttons or zippers and are a pain to get off. It worked for the most part for us., Duct tape. I needed it for both kids because one would take the others off and play too. We literally put a strip across the waist straps. It was in every diaper bag., My fiancee and I use almost like a bag that we got from Amazon. The zipper is in the back and they have slots for her arms to come out. I can't remember the price. Since we bought it we haven't had any accidents in bed. We still have a few accidents here and there during the day but not any since we got the bag for night time. If you do get it just be careful with your kids hair with the zipper., I don't remember what my wife and I did (19 years ago), but I just wanted to say my daughter did the same. We could hear her stemming.. and just knew when we opened the door it was going to be a disaster. Ugh that sucked so bad., I apply a strip on scotch tape over where the diaper connects. My son is able to pull the diaper tabs even over clothes. Or perhaps try pull ups?, Wow! I hadn't even thought of that. I'll give it a try. Thanks!, Have you tried the dance leotards? They don't have any buttons or zippers and are a pain to get off. It worked for the most part for us., Duct tape. I needed it for both kids because one would take the others off and play too. We literally put a strip across the waist straps. It was in every diaper bag., My fiancee and I use almost like a bag that we got from Amazon. The zipper is in the back and they have slots for her arms to come out. I can't remember the price. Since we bought it we haven't had any accidents in bed. We still have a few accidents here and there during the day but not any since we got the bag for night time. If you do get it just be careful with your kids hair with the zipper., I don't remember what my wife and I did (19 years ago), but I just wanted to say my daughter did the same. We could hear her stemming.. and just knew when we opened the door it was going to be a disaster. Ugh that sucked so bad., I apply a strip on scotch tape over where the diaper connects. My son is able to pull the diaper tabs even over clothes. Or perhaps try pull ups?, Wow! I hadn't even thought of that. I'll give it a try. Thanks!, Have you tried the dance leotards? They don't have any buttons or zippers and are a pain to get off. It worked for the most part for us., Duct tape. I needed it for both kids because one would take the others off and play too. We literally put a strip across the waist straps. It was in every diaper bag., My fiancee and I use almost like a bag that we got from Amazon. The zipper is in the back and they have slots for her arms to come out. I can't remember the price. Since we bought it we haven't had any accidents in bed. We still have a few accidents here and there during the day but not any since we got the bag for night time. If you do get it just be careful with your kids hair with the zipper., I don't remember what my wife and I did (19 years ago), but I just wanted to say my daughter did the same. We could hear her stemming.. and just knew when we opened the door it was going to be a disaster. Ugh that sucked so bad., I apply a strip on scotch tape over where the diaper connects. My son is able to pull the diaper tabs even over clothes. Or perhaps try pull ups?, Wow! I hadn't even thought of that. I'll give it a try. Thanks!, Have you tried the dance leotards? They don't have any buttons or zippers and are a pain to get off. It worked for the most part for us., Duct tape. I needed it for both kids because one would take the others off and play too. We literally put a strip across the waist straps. It was in every diaper bag., My fiancee and I use almost like a bag that we got from Amazon. The zipper is in the back and they have slots for her arms to come out. I can't remember the price. Since we bought it we haven't had any accidents in bed. We still have a few accidents here and there during the day but not any since we got the bag for night time. If you do get it just be careful with your kids hair with the zipper., I don't remember what my wife and I did (19 years ago), but I just wanted to say my daughter did the same. We could hear her stemming.. and just knew when we opened the door it was going to be a disaster. Ugh that sucked so bad., I apply a strip on scotch tape over where the diaper connects. My son is able to pull the diaper tabs even over clothes. Or perhaps try pull ups?, Wow! I hadn't even thought of that. I'll give it a try. Thanks!
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What to do my brother was forced into mental psych ward for 8 days he is puking and scared of people what can I do to help?
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My brother 19 was wrongfully locked at a mental hospital for 8 days. My brother has autism he has been skipping classes in college and drop all the classes other than 3 classes the school appointed him a counselled and a therapist. My brother lives in a dorm where at his floor it is mostly girls he is normally okay but he is kind of embarrassed living next to girls as it is his first time also living in college dorm as an Freshman that he resorted to peeing in a bottle and throwing it out because of the smell, the TA noticed and the school found out last week he was having a appointment with the therapist and the therapist ask him to sign a paper my brother english is not his first neither am I, so he asked if he signed this would he go back to class? And the school said yes. They lied. Right away 3 hours later the police came and took him to a mental hospital I am not in the states right now so they couldn’t reach me. The school lied on the paper and said my brother was “hallucinating and talking to things/people who aren’t there” This is completely false.
The school knows my brother has autism and him having trouble with his classes so I believe, in fact I’m sure that they use this as an reason that this is a good idea to sent my brother to a mental hospital and so he can withdraw from his school. My brother was forced in the mental hospital for 8 days my parents caught wind of this from a email saying that he is “in a safe place now” what is a safe space? This doesn’t sound right only after calling two times they said he is in a mental hospital. Yesterday my parents and went back to america and went to the hospital they wouldn’t let us take him my brother look visibly blotted and shaking. We wanted to take him out right away they did not let us.
Only the next day with a doctors note we could take him out he look visibly better now but he is suddenly scared of people. He was never that scared of crowds. Today we went out to eat at a restaurant he puked and said the peanuts on the table looks disgusting so he puked. We don’t know what to do in order to get him out we have to pretend and thank them for taking care of him and withdraw him from the school. I’m not even thinking of suing the school because my brother signed the document he signed the document when his phone is taken away because “he was not allowed to contact” outside people.
There is so much we can sue but we don’t have evidence so we’re not even thinking of that. I just want to know how can we help my brother he was fed medicine every few time (I cannot ask for more detail because he is visibly traumatized) what are the effects of the medicine taken for 8 days how would that effect his brain? He take the pills out at first at the beginning but he said the nurses would ask “why is he not shaking” so they gave him a higher dose and made sure he swallow it. He was in a room with another patient (I do not know much information on this)Another thing is my brother have autism and we’re from china in china mental health awareness is still not as good so many are raised thinking autism or bipolar means something is wrong with you you have mental problem but that is different from now where my brother is convinced maybe he have mental problems maybe he is not normal.
Only recently he was aware he has autism we chose to hide that from him because in the west we are learned from beginning autism completely normal so many people have bipolar, adhd, autism etc and I was born in the west however my brother went to school in asia which is why I don’t know how to explain to my brother “oh you have autism but you don’t have mental problems” I say “mental problems” because in china many people think depression you want to off yourself mental problem bipolar you should lock yourself in mental hospital is what I mean. Few months back the school took my brother to therapist because he been skipping classes because he find it a hard time catching up/ understanding what school is talking about and then they later diagnosed he have autism which is true so he asked me if he have autism later on on the phone I was surprised I don’t know what to say I wanted to tell him he have this earlier on but my parents and I decided we don’t really know how to explain and he have high functioning autism barely there so we thought it doesn’t matter if we tell him or not.
When asked this I thought what should I do and asked him who told him so he said the school therapist and in a split second I said yes you have autism since I think the school already told him and I said autism is completely normal our dad also have autism (he was never diagnosed either but you couldn’t even tell since it was that light but my dad has bipolar) but I said in the west autism adhd, depression etc completely normal I have depression too and show him bunch of wholesome youtube videos on autism and videos on life with autism and told him “see how normal” they are (please don’t get mad) I don’t know how else to make him understand I just want him to know autism is completely normal but you might be slightly different but you enjoy life differently just like how am I compared to other etc. It took a very long time every day I talk to my brother about this stuff and after he was locked in the hospital he repeatedly says “I have mental problem” “I am dumb” “I am not normal” now I don’t know how to I don’t know what to do do I mention autism at all or no?
I think it’s better not mention autism at all. Should I leave him alone would he be suicidal? Should I gave him some space? It my parents and my fault for us to eat at a restaurant from now where there’s lots of people because he is scared of people now from now on we cook at home and also gave him some space I believe he is not suicidal he was never suicidal but should one of us stay home and watch him? We do not want to reopen his trauma a wounds so from now on I don’t think we should ask any more questions and how ask when we think he is more steady for now it is best he try not to think about this but I am sure he is constantly thinking of it since he is worried what he will do next for school since he have no school now and other things but when asked I will try to switch conversation/ or try to might the mood lighter.
Please help any advice is good thank you so much and I hope my english makes sense thank you so much. (Also pardon my language if mental hospital is not the correct term please don’t mind it)
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He was not coping before the Hospital. Then he was traumatized, shocked out of any schedule and comfort. If he had sensory issues re: food that bothered him before, it will be more at the moment.
Chinese parents are not portrayed as particularly supportive of mental/neurological differences.Are they sympathetic or critical? Sometimes those that can pass are harder on those that cannot. I am concerned.
*Be supportive, not critical.
*Give him a safe space to be shut down. He needs it right now.It is a normal response for him with this situation.He used up all his ability to "be" at the moment.
*He does need to know he is autistic, because right now he just thinks he is mental.He probably has no idea what autism is. Emphasize that Dad is, too.
He can recover, maybe much later, go back to school WITH SUPPORT. This will take time.
He drowned in the deep end of the pool. He needs to start smaller. Do more prep/support next time.* A local (near supportive people) school/ community college/fewer classes per term, and maybe online(?)with official autism ADA type adjustments from school.I don't know if this is possible in China. It is in US, maybe elsewhere.
A regular therapist is not qualified to deal with uniquely autistic people's situation. Make sure any therapist is 1.actually knowledgeable about autism ( make them tell you what they know. Many know nothing, they just think they do 2. listens to him without making him feel retarded. (yes, I hate that word, but I think it is exactly what I mean in this case.)
Not an expert. Just a concerned parent that hopes I do better with my kid when my kid goes to college/university.Because this is one of my nightmares. All my best wishes for your brother's recovery.
I will never support hiding a diagnosis. They know they are different, it helps to have a reason., I would start off by offering support and helping him understand what autism means. Explain what you can about his diagnosis and help him adjust how he goes about living life. Not talking about it will make him feel crazy or ashamed, which will hurt him in the long run.
He may need extra support for school, or he may need to do things like wear headphones in loud places. The mental hospital probably scared him but he has probably had different quirks his entire life and not known what it was. It was autism and that’s okay!
Teaching him about his diagnosis will help him cope better - coping with his condition will help him avoid his breaking point like he experienced before they admitted him to the hospital.
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What to do with (or tell) a defensive brother whose son has the hallmarks of autism?
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It has always been a heartache to me knowing that my nephew, who is turning four (4) this month, is not being enrolled in therapies and other programs for children whose social and language skills are severely delayed. Just to give you a picture why I worry so much, here are some of the characteristics and behaviors of my four-year-old nephew: (1) He can't maintain eye contact, but if he does hold it for about 2 seconds, he will look into somewhere near your eyes where there is no significant thing to look at. (2) Good thing, that he can sometimes speak words and numbers and sometimes point them out, but other than that, he can only say one word like "baby," "mama," and sometimes mumble words that don't make sense. (3) He doesn't socialize with other kids, he only plays alone in the playground and even with her 2-year-old sister. (4) The consistent hand-leading: he doesn't verbalize any words when he does this, he just grabs one's hands in any things he wants to do, like open a candy and a door. (4) He always has one of his hands occupied with one toy/thing (for several hours he doesn't let go of that).
Upon talking about this matter with my grandmother who is babysitting my nephew 12 hours a day, she said that she has already mentioned this to my brother because she has also noticed that my nephew's social and language skills are underdeveloped. Suggestions like consulting a child therapist, or speech pathologist, and getting my nephew checked in behavioral clinic were mentioned to him. However, my brother didn't take this suggestion lightly because he doesn't believe my nephew has a problem and that he is just delayed like other kids (made comparison with the the cousin of my nephew who only started talking at the age of 5) and will soon develop normally. You can feel emotions stir up to him when this is brought up because he really doesn't want his son to be compared to other children. However, I don't see this as the case because the consistency of my nephew's behavior is really comparable to those of children diagnosed with autism. I can't bring this up to my brother because my grandmother has mentioned this to him several times, to no avail, and he always gets defensive about the child.
Please help what can I do? How do I convince my highly defensive brother, whose child has possible undiagnosed autism, to get to a child specialist?
Tl;dr: My brother doesn't want to get my four-year-old nephew (his son) to get checked by a specialist, because he believes his son will ultimately grow normal like other children. But this is not the case because the child has severely underdeveloped language skills and almost non-existent social skills.
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Talk to Mom. He's in denial and doesn't want to face it right now.
Unfortunately, I don't think you can do anything until he's ready to face it., Well, if he doesn't want to address this issue, hopefully someone will when he starts school. Either your nephew will greatly improve, as your brother believes, or he will not do so well and be recommended for additional support within the school. This is probably something that will be noticed eventually by other people as he ages. Maybe your brother will listen if he hears it from someone who is not family., I'm in the same place with my sister and her son. He's very delayed with language and behavior and has sensory issues. I can't say anything bc it's been addressed before and she got extremely defensive and dismissive so I dropped it. I know it's not my place to interject so I try to remain neutral and loving. It's so hard to watch though. He had his 4th bday party this weekend and it was fraught with meltdowns one after another. My sister kept saying he's tired. Denial is very strong., You've already said your piece. He knows how you feel. You said that others have mentioned it as well. He will continue to hear it from others - sitters, teachers, coaches, etc. He may need some space to learn, accept and process.
I had a few people point out concerns to me and I was initially defensive, because he was my little boy and he was perfect to me. No one would have been able to convince me, but I did eventually come around - but I had to do it on my own. I appreciate that you love and care for your nephew, but badgering dad isn't the best course of action.
Personally I think from now on you stop pointing out the behavior concerns and just show up in love for your brother and nephew. Invite them over for dinner, offer to babysit so he can get out of the house, take your nephew on a fun outing, etc. It will tangibly demonstrate to him as he slowly begins to realize things that you guys were only bringing up your concerns from a place of love. He will need A LOT of love on this journey once he does start down the path, and it would be incredible for you to already have built this foundation of being a loyal and committed family member., Come up with a plan to escalate the issue in stages if he continues to not do anything after he starts school, other parent brings it up, etc. After a certain point with him being led to water and having it explicitly spelled out many times, this quite simply, is intentional medical neglect, and needs to be treated as such using the legal system and you might also eventually find you need to get the message across by going no-contact. If that sounds extreme, think about if it were a condition like epilepsy, diabetes, or celiac's and he was willfully ignoring the signs because of his own pride., What is the mother like, is she more receptive? Is your brother stopping her also from getting help for their son?, I'm sure a lot of other parents/family members in this group can totally relate to this, your brother is feeling a lot of emotions, part of him will know you are right.
The goal is to make sure the kid has the best support possible. That's it. The sooner he is diagnosed and "gets in the system" the better. I'm sure he'll get flagged at school but then you're probably in a long queue for the assessments. It may very well be that he's just a little bit behind but having a conversation with a professional about it, won't cause any harm. No one has ever said "Oh no, I went to the doctor and I'm fine... what a waste of everyones time".
Does the child go to daycare? have they said anything?
You've got three options really.
Sit with him, re-assure him that you're trying to help and that your goal is to make sure his son, gets the best support. If he thinks there's nothing wrong, then speaking to the Dr or someone else won't change that. If they do think it needs further investigation then he's in the system and he'll get support going forward.
Talk to his partner. Same thing really - your goal is to ensure the kid is supported, no one has failed as a parent. He is still the same child.
Do nothing and hope the school flags it., This is a wonderful advice. Thank you., There is no information yet on the stance of her mother. My grandmother brings up the discussion only when the father is alone., I worry the mom is getting put down by your brothers denial. Maybe you should reach out to her and see if she needs help.
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What to expect from a Behavioral Neuro Eval?
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Okay, so long story short, my son turns 4 in a few months. He has an IEP for a speech delay that we were able to start when his early intervention ended, but only two half days a week at our public preschool. Fast forward to two weeks ago, where he was officially terminated from his private daycare due to "resource issues" because he requires too much 1-1 time and that he needs more than they can provide him.
He has issues with transitions and doesn't want to stop doing activities most of the time. When his teachers try to gently persuade him to do a group activity or the next thing, he has at times hit and yells his teachers. He also will throw the toy he was holding out of frustration if he's told to clean up and playtime is over.
So, we finally have a behavioral neuro evaluation tomorrow that took well over a year to get booked. What should we expect from this evaluation? Will we get a diagnosis, or does this lead to other evaluations before we get some answers? Will they make recommendations that we can use at his next IEP meeting to get him more resources from school?
It's all very overwhelming. Thank you ahead of time for any advice/insight you can share.
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I believe we did something like this for my speech delayed son. They asked us a lot of questions, gave us some questionnaires to fill out, and observed my son playing. He ended up being diagnosed with a "neurodevelopmental disorder-unspecified" because they said they couldn't diagnose autism from that eval as it wasn't autism specific. From there they gave us some suggestions, a couple other referrals, and a referral to an autism eval. The wait list for the autism eval was 9 months but he was able to get all the services he needed in the mean time. He was diagnosed with autism at that autism specific eval.
Hope this helps!, I believe we did something like this for my speech delayed son. They asked us a lot of questions, gave us some questionnaires to fill out, and observed my son playing. He ended up being diagnosed with a "neurodevelopmental disorder-unspecified" because they said they couldn't diagnose autism from that eval as it wasn't autism specific. From there they gave us some suggestions, a couple other referrals, and a referral to an autism eval. The wait list for the autism eval was 9 months but he was able to get all the services he needed in the mean time. He was diagnosed with autism at that autism specific eval.
Hope this helps!, I believe we did something like this for my speech delayed son. They asked us a lot of questions, gave us some questionnaires to fill out, and observed my son playing. He ended up being diagnosed with a "neurodevelopmental disorder-unspecified" because they said they couldn't diagnose autism from that eval as it wasn't autism specific. From there they gave us some suggestions, a couple other referrals, and a referral to an autism eval. The wait list for the autism eval was 9 months but he was able to get all the services he needed in the mean time. He was diagnosed with autism at that autism specific eval.
Hope this helps!, I believe we did something like this for my speech delayed son. They asked us a lot of questions, gave us some questionnaires to fill out, and observed my son playing. He ended up being diagnosed with a "neurodevelopmental disorder-unspecified" because they said they couldn't diagnose autism from that eval as it wasn't autism specific. From there they gave us some suggestions, a couple other referrals, and a referral to an autism eval. The wait list for the autism eval was 9 months but he was able to get all the services he needed in the mean time. He was diagnosed with autism at that autism specific eval.
Hope this helps!
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What was your child like as a newborn/infant?
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Who here has had other children after having a neurodivergent child? I have a six week old that I’m already starting to wonder about :(
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You’re going to get a whole variety of answers which should show that each person’s baby was different and within the realms of ‘typical’ as a baby. What we tend to do is project back and create a confirmation bias. Out of all the responses please don’t pick one that sounds like your baby as confirmation that your baby has signs of ASD. It might ease your anxiety to ask this question on the general parenting forum too :)
My toddler was high needs as a baby - born eyes wide open, easily over stimulated, screamed every evening, had to be rocked into oblivion to fall asleep. But lots of people on the parenting forum will tell you their NT kid was the same and is simply spirited. I have a 7 month old - very calm, easily to leave alone, loves sleeping, but also doesn’t babble much and sometimes ignores me, not fantastic on eye contact, no imitating yet - and I’m doing exactly what you’re doing right now. I’ve recently started getting help for my anxiety because it will genuinely eat away at you and ruin this limited time you have with your baby. Please try to get some help so you can enjoy parenthood., I have three kids who are severe, non-verbal, shit-smearing, head-banging, the whole nine yards. All of them answered to their name at 6 months, which is typical for NT kids. All of them had stopped answering to their name at 12 months, which is the first visible sign of autism for parents.
Don't sweat it. Enjoy the next eleven months., This doesn’t really answer your question but I agree with one other poster about parents projecting back and creating confirmation bias. To piggyback off of that, I think every baby has its quirks if you look for them. Some of those babies will go on to be ND and some will be NT. But at 6 weeks there really aren’t any milestones to even be missed yet. If you are having any nursing issues that is a super common thing. So many women cry about breastfeeding issues (I know from working at a pediatric office.) Again, the majority of those babies are NT. It really does go to show that any symptoms noticed as an infant are only symptoms in hind sight bc the majority of these so called symptoms can be found across all children., My oldest was a very calm newborn. I took a photo of him at 3 days old with this wide-eyed, blissful look on his face. At the time, he was laying on my bed, watching the ceiling fan spin. His fascination with spinning objects continued into his toddler years. Basically, I'd describe him as passive. He met milestones but always at the late end of "normal". He wasn't super motivated to crawl or walk. He didn't babble. He didn't gesture. He didn't cry much. He wasn't clingy. He was always very content to just entertain himself. He was diagnosed with "classic autism" at 3 years old and is 15 now and what would probably be labelled ASD, level 2 by current DSM standards.
His sister is 12 and has ADHD and generalized anxiety. She was the total opposite of my son as a baby. She was super fussy. Screamed constantly. Didn't sleep. Wouldn't let me put her down. Hated her carseat. Hated the stroller. Started walking and talking early. If she had been my firstborn, I wouldn't have had another baby., I noticed from reading responses on here that all the babies vary drastically. I think it’s hard to tell at such a young age. My kid is on the more “high functioning” end. She met all her milestones when she was a baby, was very happy (daycare would ask me if she ever cries), social, made eye contact, babbled, etc. She is the opposite of a picky eater and usually amazes the teachers (which has been true since she was an infant as well) with all the different food she eats. The only sign of something being delayed was walking due to poor ankle muscle tone. And she was always a terrible sleeper. Refused to sleep by herself, absolute panicking. We saw no speech delay regarding saying first words and learning new words. However, her 2s teachers pointed out she wasn’t “conversational” like the other kids. Then we started noticing oh actually she struggles with fine motor too. She never regressed in any way with language etc. We was only mildly delayed with potty training but at age 6.5, she’s still in overnight diapers (for pee). There is a huge range of normal for all babies and many NT kids are also poor sleepers, etc., It’s been almost six months since you posted. How are things with your baby now?, My 4 yo was the perfect baby. Slept all night right away, no real sleep regressions. Ate fruits and vegetables and was not picky whatsoever , eye contact, hit milestones early. The only thing was he did not talk. I couldn’t believe he got diagnosed with autism at 2 but now it kind of makes sense.
I have a 6 week old boy as well and I can’t stop analyzing his every move, wondering if I can catch anything, any signs… i saw a post on here yesterday saying that you can’t predict the future so learn to enjoy them while you can instead of worrying. It’s easier said then done though, My son always made good eye contact, smiled, hit most early milestones (speech was the first real delay.)
The one thing looking back was that he was an absolute terrible sleeper. Always had to be held. Fast forward 8 years and he’s got sensory issues- so that really made sense, but i felt like such a failure at the time., My son was happy, he smiled and made heaps of eye contact but he never made noise. He couldn’t babble, he couldn’t copy sounds and something that was of massive concern to me was he couldn’t clap.
I noticed that Down syndrome babies were more advanced than my toddler. He couldn’t say anything, he couldn’t clap. It took him forever to say “mum”. He didn’t start until he was about 3 years old.
As an infant I could leave him in a room by himself and he wouldn’t be bothered by my absence.
From the moment he was born he never slept at night. He would sleep through the day and never switched. I tried. I stayed up - I did the sunlight thing - took him outside. Everything. He wouldn’t eat or drink much during the day. Some days he would go the entire day without eating and only drank small amounts.
It wasn’t an issue of putting him down to sleep in a quiet room and waking him up in the morning. He would fall asleep during the day and wouldn’t wake up.
When he was a newborn I remember being woken up to feed him by the nurse and my partner. They basically dragged me awake to breast feed him. He refused to wake up. He wouldn’t even respond to the chest rub thing the nurses did. I’m still pissed that they did that - especially when I wanted him to be bottle fed.
When he was older he would pass out on the floor during the day and daycare even found him sleeping in their garden.
He was diagnosed with level 3 autism before his 3rd birthday. He’s non verbal and has a global developmental delay.
I’ve finally got him on melatonin and everything has changed. He eats and drinks during the day now. He sleeps at night. He’s trying to talk. I can’t get any help for him because everything was delayed due to Covid., I have two autistic children.
I started noticing odd behavior when my oldest was 6 months old. My younger son, around 15 months old.
My oldest had great eye contact when he was young. But there was a lack of imitation that struck me as odd around 6 months.
My younger boy, the early symptoms were more subtle. I started noticing fleeting eye contact, struggles following directions, etc. His pattern was more like regressive autism, as he lost skills. My oldest simply didn't gain them.
At 6 weeks old, though? There's just no predicting. Worry is the thief of joy - if your child is autistic, they're here and you can't change it. All you can do is respond if it does indeed prove to be the case., My autistic child was hard to soothe, loved motion and had to rock him a lot. My second baby who I’m pretty sure is typical was so much easier. But at 6 weeks why would you worry?, I didn’t notice a difference especially when I look at their photos. He looked at the camera the same way his NT twin did. But, I noticed my MIL paid more attention to my daughter and ignored him. I thought she was trying to manipulate me (poking the bear), but it was a clue.
I could take him everywhere with me until he turned 10. Noises, crowds, etc. didn’t bother him. We would be out for hours. He was happy and giggly. I got compliments from complete strangers how well behaved he was. He was the favorite at our school speech clinic. All this was before his breakdown in 2020 when we enrolled him into our public school., He was an easy baby. But way too easy. I remember a trend where you'd pretend to bang the door and act like the baby hurt his head and they would cry. My son- has such high pain tolerance, even with injections he'd cry for a bit but if you start with song no reaction at all. We'd have baby playdates but it was so much easier to connect with other babies because they can feel emotion right away. Mine does not. You have to really force him to make him giggle., My 6 week old doesn’t look at me at all. Only stares at the lights. Colic. Cries soo much. Haven’t had a smile yet either, He only smiles when he sleeps/reflex smiles. I feel my son who is probably somewhere on the spectrum (no formal dx yet) was happier and did way more at 5-6 weeks, It has been almost a year. How is your baby now? I’m hoping everything you’ve been enjoying every moment and haven’t been worrying this whole time, At that age, my child never smiled without physical touch. In fact didn't for years to come. Met milestones late., Fussy, and not a good eater., Quiet and cuddly. Very analytical and always dismantling things to see how they worked. I knew something was off about him from the first couple days as he was latching on the breast very strangely but nobody believed me because on the outside it looked normal. Now in hindsight it makes total sense and I feel sorry for past me feeling like I was starving him. Also the midwives vaguely implied he might be neglected bc he was a second baby (he had weight gain issues but he lived on me) and I bit their heads off., I don't think we really saw any signs until he was around one year old. The earliest sign was severely restricted eating and sensory issues, right from the get-go he was very hard to transition to solid foods, and would not accept many new foods. He was also very into the repetitive spinning objects and lining up toys. I thought he might have anxiety. When my Aunt visited him around one year old she later told me she went back to her mother and said, "That's a strange kid." She said he just stared at her. I didn't know any different, not being around kids much. Then around 18 months came the language delays and problems with social affect. I don't even think a scientist could predict autism in a six week old., Both kids are ND with the same diagnoses of level 2 add, adhd and generalized anxiety but the baby stage was different for both of them. My son was premature and it was apparent during the first year of life he was developing differently. He hit milestones late and was referred for speech therapy and early intervention by his doctor at 18 months old. My daughter was full term and was hitting milestones on time for first few years. She was 2.5-3 before she began falling behind her peers with toilet training, emotional coping skills and social development. Looking back there were subtle signs with her before then but not as blatantly obvious as her brother, I was a easy baby but however I was a terrible sleeper and still am to this day, My child has severe autism. She was a difficult baby.. whether that’s because of the autism or just because that’s how some babies are, who knows?, My son was just really quiet and chilled out. Always happy. He's 3 now and he's still those things, they're just part of his personality. He rolled, crawled and walked early.
There were some early signs of him being neurodivergent as he got a bit older, like spinning constantly, not looking people in the eye, not engaging with people except me (wouldn't even engage with his dad), ignoring people, speech delay. They were all the most obvious ones., My son did not social smile until he was 10 or so weeks, didn’t babble at the 6 month mark, limited eye contact, difficult to make him giggle, started getting extremely fussy with food by 12 months, speech delay (first words around 2,5 years old)., My son hit milestones during the first 12 months pretty much on par, and he walked at 15 months. He wasn’t out of the ordinary as a baby as far as I could tell. A little colicky, but other than that he babbled, smiled etc. Early signs included not pointing at 12+ months (and he still doesn’t point much), and not talking. He would make some of his own sounds and repeat some sounds we made like “ba” but didn’t actually form any words until around age 2.
His pediatrician kept telling me he was fine because he had good eye contact and social smiles and said it’s normal for boys to develop speech late. Of course I was worried but I liked what the doctor said and decided he was right, and really didn’t start any intervention (speech) until almost age 2. You can always try play based intervention like floortime or EDSM starting at 12 months old- it can’t hurt, it’s just play. Just more intentional play designed to encourage interaction., Something always felt off about my oldest. He was late with his milestones especially motor skills but doctors wrote it off as his head being too big for his body. Then he was SUPER hard as a toddler. There were so many meltdowns and tantrums which I felt were fueled by his speech delay and any type of transition. When he started school he would scream and hold onto the side of the car because he didn’t want to go. He did this the whole school year. It was miserable, I was miserable. He’s still difficult to this day but our saving grace is that at age 10 he can communicate which helps so much.
To be honest I didn’t realize just how different my oldest was until I had my youngest. They are 8, almost 9, years apart. Parenting the youngest has been so easy. He’s meeting all his milestones, is very laid back, talking so much, friendly, interested in playing with his toys. All the things my son wasn’t/isn’t. With my second I can understand why parents would want to have more kids.
Now that may sound harsh because I do love my oldest to pieces. I had him young and we grew up together but I would be lying if I didn’t admit to how hard parenting a neurodivergent child is., i did not cry as a baby, i was very very quiet to an abnormal level. that is usually a sign that a kid might end having a communication issue later down the line as not crying is not communicating needs, Six weeks! Just try to relax and enjoy your baby. Nothing can be determined at this young age and all babies are different. I saw above you said you’re having anxiety, I would talk to your doctor or a therapist about possible PPD/PPA. Your baby is still brand new, be kind to yourself and enjoy your little one!, My heart goes out to you. You’re a strong parent and those kids are lucky to have you, Wow you’re amazing for your patience and commitment. I’m not sure id be able to do it three times., wow your son sounds a lot like me, except i was diagnosed at 14, Ok he’s babbling and stuff!, What’s he like as a 4 year old? Did his difficulties become more apparently after age 3?, Just curious what kind of imitation did your little one not show at 6 months?, Anxiety., [deleted], I’m sorry, colic sounds so hard., My baby smiled at 2 months…and that is I think the average age. And it wasn’t often at first and then it got more frequent., At six weeks?, Can you describe the latch?, Yes. From 3-4 it started making sense because he couldn’t follow basic directions, didn’t want to socialize, became a really picky eater and started head banging and hitting himself. The tantrums were also the worst at that point like full blown meltdowns and we would have to leave the store carrying him out and couldn’t take him in public much. Still wasn’t talking yet.
Once he turned 4 though he started learning a lot. He started off by picking up words here and there but now can say full on sentences but isn’t conversational yet. He follows directions pretty well and we were able to get him potty trained. He just recently started to socialize with other kids. The tantrums have decreased and we can take him in stores and amusement parks and he does well. The self harming seems to be decreasing too but he still does it I just think it’s his way of sensory seeking. Still a very picky eater.
He’s about to be 5 next month and I’m looking forward to seeing him continue to progress. It was scary getting his diagnosis, I didn’t know if he would ever be able to talk or even use the bathroom on his own, or how severe it was really going to be. One thing about him though is he’s shown that he’s capable of learning things he just needs extra help and time. Hope this helped:), My doctor didn’t care and looked more so at my lack of wt loss, Yep. Whilst all of my nieces and nephews, plus my friends babies smiled from before then.
However, context being everything, we have many autistic children in the family and they all smiled., Looked completely normal on the outside. But he wasn’t massaging the breast to extract milk. He was licking the tip of the nipple. I kept saying this and they kept saying it didn’t make sense. Meanwhile terrible weight gain and I was an experienced nurser putting him on the boob every hr for months. To this day he has feeding and weight gain issues. Hes almost 4.
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What were the signs of autism in your 4 year old boy?
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What are you seeing that makes you ask?
For my son (5) he didn't talk much, only had a few words. He would babble like a much younger child..
He did and still does a lot of lining up with toys, and needing certain toys to always be in the same order. He would become dysregulated if those toys were moved.
He struggled with going to the store until we figured out to use his special wagon with a canopy. That helps him with the lights.
He had/has 0 interest in playing with kids, but seems to enjoy watching them play.
He didn't follow simple instructions, like "give that to mama please".
He didn't initiate things we would do, he has only started that recently.
He used to struggle at that age with transition of surfaces. So going from wood floor to carpet would easily cause him to get dysregulated and forget what he was doing.
He would get "stuck" in an activity or action. To the point that he would cry endlessly, or even get hurt. But he wouldn't stop what he was doing. The only way to fix that was to force him to disengage with the activities. (Like running. He'd pick an invisible track to run. And he would run it. Even if he was exhausted, even if he was hungry, even if he got hurt. He would continue until we stopped him), Non-verbal, loves stimming. An obsession with water. Receptive language disorder. Self harm and biting/scratching. Can make about 7 syllables and doesn't really mimic. Has zero regard for bodily safety and will run into roads or put hands in dangerous places even after being gestured away and told no 12 times. An extreme aversion to new environments that are boring or displeasing. Waiting rooms and doctors offices come to mind.
Theres more, but thats pretty much my ASD-3 4 year old boy, almost 5, in a nutshell., Language regression (was saying two or three word phrases at 2, regressed to 1 or 2 words but not meaningful language and does a lot of repeated "stim-like" words and babbling now), constant stimming (rocking, jumping, spinning in circles, hand flapping, ear tugging, squeezing). Started getting sensory issues around 2 with food and play items (he hated playdoh after previously enjoying it, hates having anything on his hands, etc.). Potty training regression. Lack of awareness to situations like others emotions, would not play with peers but rather beside them, loss of imaginative play, lining up toys rather than playing meaningfully with them. He's 4.5 now, still does all these behaviors and is in preschool with a hefty IEP plan in place and receives therapy at school and in a non-ABA clinic (speech and OT)., Thank you for the thorough response. I ask because my son is almost 4. He was born ten weeks early by emergency c section so he was always expected to be delayed, which he was. He was always about 6 months behind. He can communicate in full sentences, understand emotions, is intelligent, and is making progress in all areas he’s getting help I - speech, pt, ot. He’s now in school and is doing some sensory behaviors like hands in pants quite a bit( potty trained as of December ), banging toys together to hear the noise, touching a lot of bunpy or smooth textures, having fits when toys break or don’t operate properly, and now deciding not to participate in circle time and story reading which he used to do but rather turns around snd makes clicking noises with his tongue. He’s always been delayed so he’s now just coming along with talking with his peers and having small convos but he usually has to be prompted to respond to some people. It’s super confusing but so far all of the ohases I’ve viewed as concerning he comes out of within a month or two. It’s really hard to gauge when he has a global developmental delay due to significant prematurity., That definitely does sound like it would make it harder to know. Have you talked with his doctor about these things?
To me, it sounds like it could just be delays mixed with some typical kid behavior. But they could also be signs he's on the spectrum.
I always say, just get them tested. Absolute worst case, you are wrong and they will be able to point you in the right direction. Best case, you are right and can now get your child all the help they need., What are you seeing that makes you ask?
For my son (5) he didn't talk much, only had a few words. He would babble like a much younger child..
He did and still does a lot of lining up with toys, and needing certain toys to always be in the same order. He would become dysregulated if those toys were moved.
He struggled with going to the store until we figured out to use his special wagon with a canopy. That helps him with the lights.
He had/has 0 interest in playing with kids, but seems to enjoy watching them play.
He didn't follow simple instructions, like "give that to mama please".
He didn't initiate things we would do, he has only started that recently.
He used to struggle at that age with transition of surfaces. So going from wood floor to carpet would easily cause him to get dysregulated and forget what he was doing.
He would get "stuck" in an activity or action. To the point that he would cry endlessly, or even get hurt. But he wouldn't stop what he was doing. The only way to fix that was to force him to disengage with the activities. (Like running. He'd pick an invisible track to run. And he would run it. Even if he was exhausted, even if he was hungry, even if he got hurt. He would continue until we stopped him), Non-verbal, loves stimming. An obsession with water. Receptive language disorder. Self harm and biting/scratching. Can make about 7 syllables and doesn't really mimic. Has zero regard for bodily safety and will run into roads or put hands in dangerous places even after being gestured away and told no 12 times. An extreme aversion to new environments that are boring or displeasing. Waiting rooms and doctors offices come to mind.
Theres more, but thats pretty much my ASD-3 4 year old boy, almost 5, in a nutshell., Language regression (was saying two or three word phrases at 2, regressed to 1 or 2 words but not meaningful language and does a lot of repeated "stim-like" words and babbling now), constant stimming (rocking, jumping, spinning in circles, hand flapping, ear tugging, squeezing). Started getting sensory issues around 2 with food and play items (he hated playdoh after previously enjoying it, hates having anything on his hands, etc.). Potty training regression. Lack of awareness to situations like others emotions, would not play with peers but rather beside them, loss of imaginative play, lining up toys rather than playing meaningfully with them. He's 4.5 now, still does all these behaviors and is in preschool with a hefty IEP plan in place and receives therapy at school and in a non-ABA clinic (speech and OT)., Thank you for the thorough response. I ask because my son is almost 4. He was born ten weeks early by emergency c section so he was always expected to be delayed, which he was. He was always about 6 months behind. He can communicate in full sentences, understand emotions, is intelligent, and is making progress in all areas he’s getting help I - speech, pt, ot. He’s now in school and is doing some sensory behaviors like hands in pants quite a bit( potty trained as of December ), banging toys together to hear the noise, touching a lot of bunpy or smooth textures, having fits when toys break or don’t operate properly, and now deciding not to participate in circle time and story reading which he used to do but rather turns around snd makes clicking noises with his tongue. He’s always been delayed so he’s now just coming along with talking with his peers and having small convos but he usually has to be prompted to respond to some people. It’s super confusing but so far all of the ohases I’ve viewed as concerning he comes out of within a month or two. It’s really hard to gauge when he has a global developmental delay due to significant prematurity., That definitely does sound like it would make it harder to know. Have you talked with his doctor about these things?
To me, it sounds like it could just be delays mixed with some typical kid behavior. But they could also be signs he's on the spectrum.
I always say, just get them tested. Absolute worst case, you are wrong and they will be able to point you in the right direction. Best case, you are right and can now get your child all the help they need., What are you seeing that makes you ask?
For my son (5) he didn't talk much, only had a few words. He would babble like a much younger child..
He did and still does a lot of lining up with toys, and needing certain toys to always be in the same order. He would become dysregulated if those toys were moved.
He struggled with going to the store until we figured out to use his special wagon with a canopy. That helps him with the lights.
He had/has 0 interest in playing with kids, but seems to enjoy watching them play.
He didn't follow simple instructions, like "give that to mama please".
He didn't initiate things we would do, he has only started that recently.
He used to struggle at that age with transition of surfaces. So going from wood floor to carpet would easily cause him to get dysregulated and forget what he was doing.
He would get "stuck" in an activity or action. To the point that he would cry endlessly, or even get hurt. But he wouldn't stop what he was doing. The only way to fix that was to force him to disengage with the activities. (Like running. He'd pick an invisible track to run. And he would run it. Even if he was exhausted, even if he was hungry, even if he got hurt. He would continue until we stopped him), Non-verbal, loves stimming. An obsession with water. Receptive language disorder. Self harm and biting/scratching. Can make about 7 syllables and doesn't really mimic. Has zero regard for bodily safety and will run into roads or put hands in dangerous places even after being gestured away and told no 12 times. An extreme aversion to new environments that are boring or displeasing. Waiting rooms and doctors offices come to mind.
Theres more, but thats pretty much my ASD-3 4 year old boy, almost 5, in a nutshell., Language regression (was saying two or three word phrases at 2, regressed to 1 or 2 words but not meaningful language and does a lot of repeated "stim-like" words and babbling now), constant stimming (rocking, jumping, spinning in circles, hand flapping, ear tugging, squeezing). Started getting sensory issues around 2 with food and play items (he hated playdoh after previously enjoying it, hates having anything on his hands, etc.). Potty training regression. Lack of awareness to situations like others emotions, would not play with peers but rather beside them, loss of imaginative play, lining up toys rather than playing meaningfully with them. He's 4.5 now, still does all these behaviors and is in preschool with a hefty IEP plan in place and receives therapy at school and in a non-ABA clinic (speech and OT)., Thank you for the thorough response. I ask because my son is almost 4. He was born ten weeks early by emergency c section so he was always expected to be delayed, which he was. He was always about 6 months behind. He can communicate in full sentences, understand emotions, is intelligent, and is making progress in all areas he’s getting help I - speech, pt, ot. He’s now in school and is doing some sensory behaviors like hands in pants quite a bit( potty trained as of December ), banging toys together to hear the noise, touching a lot of bunpy or smooth textures, having fits when toys break or don’t operate properly, and now deciding not to participate in circle time and story reading which he used to do but rather turns around snd makes clicking noises with his tongue. He’s always been delayed so he’s now just coming along with talking with his peers and having small convos but he usually has to be prompted to respond to some people. It’s super confusing but so far all of the ohases I’ve viewed as concerning he comes out of within a month or two. It’s really hard to gauge when he has a global developmental delay due to significant prematurity., That definitely does sound like it would make it harder to know. Have you talked with his doctor about these things?
To me, it sounds like it could just be delays mixed with some typical kid behavior. But they could also be signs he's on the spectrum.
I always say, just get them tested. Absolute worst case, you are wrong and they will be able to point you in the right direction. Best case, you are right and can now get your child all the help they need., What are you seeing that makes you ask?
For my son (5) he didn't talk much, only had a few words. He would babble like a much younger child..
He did and still does a lot of lining up with toys, and needing certain toys to always be in the same order. He would become dysregulated if those toys were moved.
He struggled with going to the store until we figured out to use his special wagon with a canopy. That helps him with the lights.
He had/has 0 interest in playing with kids, but seems to enjoy watching them play.
He didn't follow simple instructions, like "give that to mama please".
He didn't initiate things we would do, he has only started that recently.
He used to struggle at that age with transition of surfaces. So going from wood floor to carpet would easily cause him to get dysregulated and forget what he was doing.
He would get "stuck" in an activity or action. To the point that he would cry endlessly, or even get hurt. But he wouldn't stop what he was doing. The only way to fix that was to force him to disengage with the activities. (Like running. He'd pick an invisible track to run. And he would run it. Even if he was exhausted, even if he was hungry, even if he got hurt. He would continue until we stopped him), Non-verbal, loves stimming. An obsession with water. Receptive language disorder. Self harm and biting/scratching. Can make about 7 syllables and doesn't really mimic. Has zero regard for bodily safety and will run into roads or put hands in dangerous places even after being gestured away and told no 12 times. An extreme aversion to new environments that are boring or displeasing. Waiting rooms and doctors offices come to mind.
Theres more, but thats pretty much my ASD-3 4 year old boy, almost 5, in a nutshell., Language regression (was saying two or three word phrases at 2, regressed to 1 or 2 words but not meaningful language and does a lot of repeated "stim-like" words and babbling now), constant stimming (rocking, jumping, spinning in circles, hand flapping, ear tugging, squeezing). Started getting sensory issues around 2 with food and play items (he hated playdoh after previously enjoying it, hates having anything on his hands, etc.). Potty training regression. Lack of awareness to situations like others emotions, would not play with peers but rather beside them, loss of imaginative play, lining up toys rather than playing meaningfully with them. He's 4.5 now, still does all these behaviors and is in preschool with a hefty IEP plan in place and receives therapy at school and in a non-ABA clinic (speech and OT)., Thank you for the thorough response. I ask because my son is almost 4. He was born ten weeks early by emergency c section so he was always expected to be delayed, which he was. He was always about 6 months behind. He can communicate in full sentences, understand emotions, is intelligent, and is making progress in all areas he’s getting help I - speech, pt, ot. He’s now in school and is doing some sensory behaviors like hands in pants quite a bit( potty trained as of December ), banging toys together to hear the noise, touching a lot of bunpy or smooth textures, having fits when toys break or don’t operate properly, and now deciding not to participate in circle time and story reading which he used to do but rather turns around snd makes clicking noises with his tongue. He’s always been delayed so he’s now just coming along with talking with his peers and having small convos but he usually has to be prompted to respond to some people. It’s super confusing but so far all of the ohases I’ve viewed as concerning he comes out of within a month or two. It’s really hard to gauge when he has a global developmental delay due to significant prematurity., That definitely does sound like it would make it harder to know. Have you talked with his doctor about these things?
To me, it sounds like it could just be delays mixed with some typical kid behavior. But they could also be signs he's on the spectrum.
I always say, just get them tested. Absolute worst case, you are wrong and they will be able to point you in the right direction. Best case, you are right and can now get your child all the help they need.
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What we’re signs you noticed before a year
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What we’re some sign you can see now but didn’t and some obvious signs you saw before a year old thats showed ASD if that makes sense? I have a 9.5 old who is not babbling , not pointing and doesn’t follow my gaze/where I point I only sometimes.. I’m genuinely worried other then that.. she loves SHARING her food and bottles and will hand me a toy if I ask.. will gives kisses .. has good eye contact.. responds to name 85% of the time.. should I be worried or should I speak to someone about anxiety
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None. No signs till around 16 months, My daughter met all her milestones by 18 months, after that she started regressing. She was even able to spoon feed, and now at 4 years she needs help with utensils. So I agree with others that it might be too early to tell., Way to early for any objective measure quite honestly. You will fill out the M-CHATR at pediatrician appointment at 18 months.
Also these LO’s will always be on their own timeline., No eye contact, no clapping, waving, or cute silly milestones that other babies do. Couldn’t stand any form of protein when we started food introduction, cried a lot for no reason apparent, rocked himself a lot(stimming), None! She hit all her milestones as a baby. It wasn't until toddlerhood that we started noticing signs., Check out [The First Words project](https://firstwordsproject.com/). It's the best screening tool out there. Reduced joint attention/ reduced social engagement and reduced non-verbal communication are the big things to look for at that age., Lack of joint attention and gesturing, but that was about it., no eye contact, no pointing, no waving, wouldn’t follow our gaze/where we would point. wouldn’t respond to her name. she would move her hands and fingers in weird ways directly infront of her eyes which we now know she was stimming.
she never really played with toys and has been lining things up for as long as i can remember, Judging from the other responses, I may get downloaded. Seems like people have a rigid opinion about this. But every kid is different, right?
My Son, 9, severe lvl 3 non verbal, is our third child. So we know the milestones and behaviors that neurotypical children should reach/display. So, after having two children, it was pretty obvious with our third that by 6 months, that he was unique. The biggest indicator that we saw, was the early gain, then subsequent loss of milestones.
He used to mimic noises and sounds around 3 months, as if trying to talk, then stopped at 6 months. It was really early for that level of mimicry. But stopped shortly and has not yet returned.
He used to eat baby foods, think Gerber glass jar type, when he was off breastfeeding, then stopped. We have since learned he has texture issues with foods and prefers crunchy hard foods like chips/crackers, etc. After he stopped with the baby foods, we had to revert back to formula to keep him fed, for years until he finally showed interest in solid food, after trying many different things. Salt and vinegar Chips were his gateway food.
He used to play by himself, with toys, then stopped. Still doesn't show much interest in toys. Currently, he will only interact with toys to chew them (he's been diagnosed with pica) or to throw then up in the air repeatedly (stimming).
He has always had an affinity towards lights, which later played into his stimming (and still does). His stim involves watching objects in the air as he throws them repeatedly, the shinnier/reflctive the better. At about 6 months, we used to calm him by taking him to our kitchen with fluorescent lights, and he would just look into the lights for what seemed like hours as we held him.
His ASD diagnosis at two years was not a surprise, he had definitely started down a different path from our first two kids, starting at about 6 months.
He's 9 now, and still non verbal lvl 3, high needs. His stimming behavior still revolves around sight/lights. Still has sensory issues with food, and isn't really close to talking. Been working with AAC software on his iPad for communication.
Edit to clarify things and spelling, You can work on pointing and sharing gaze but FYI pointing is also a fine motor development and she is within normal range for that. It isn't just a social milestone. For the gaze look up how to teach following gaze and try to target that but she seems withinnormal forthat as well., My son was always delayed in his milestones. He used to babble but completely stopped at 6 months old. He has never said a single word. He has never responded to his name. He would jump constantly in his crib, and I mean ALL THE TIME. I even talked to his doctor because I was worried about brain damage. He did walk fairly early at 10 months, but he toe-walks., When my kid was 2 he could already read many words. We thought he was gifted. It wasn’t until later that we noticed he wasn’t progressing that we had concerns.
My advice is to unsubscribe and let your kid advance. It doesn’t help worrying at such a young age. You will see all sorts of signs that you can misunderstand because you’re actively looking for them. Don’t do that to yourself., The biggest thing i noticed was how much crying and how much he would fight having his nails cut, If you are worried go and get the process of testing started. Whatever the outcome it is always best to start as early as possible. Do not wait till your child is a few years old and way behind., None. They were typical babies., If you are in the US, you can self refer to early intervention at any time. You look up early intervention for your area. It's usually free. They can support your family in a variety of ways and help you access more resources for an autism assessment if needed., late on big milestones starting at 9 months, no eye contact were big ones before a year old, Like some people have mentioned, at 1 my grandson was doing all the typical things. Apart from he didn’t walk until around 14 months. But he was babbling, gesturing and was very social. The regression came around aged 18-19 months., It’s silly, but at 7 weeks- I had a feeling something was wrong. I placed him on the play mat on the floor and did the laundry and he didn’t cry for me or even look at me. My pediatrician said that’s no indication and so I just focused on loving him. At 18 months, he was diagnosed and at 2 years and a half - he was diagnosed level 3. He hit all his milestones until he was 14 months, then he regressed., At a year, my family member was behind all milestones. Learned to crawl at at year, no babbling. Loved fans. Was good at eye contact, but didn't sustain eye contact when being talked to. Didn't mimic (ie stick out your tongue, clap your hands). Wouldn't stay engaged for songs like Patty Cake. Couldn't do actions (pass me a toy, where is so and so, etc). Very good/sensitive hearing. Loved being upside down and spinning., Please stop trying to have babies diagnosed. It’s too early. Just stop., Between 9-12 months for my son I noticed: no words, no pointing, no clapping, no waving, would not look where I was pointing, no response to his name, stopped sleeping through the night and would only sleep on/with me or in a moving vehicle or if I rocked him in a very specific exaggerated way. He was early with all of his other milestones, like walking at 9 months, and looking back I can see he was very preoccupied with constantly moving and getting into things., No eye contact, no smiling, did not like to be touched. Would kick feet excitedly for like 20+ min straight. Would roll back and forth over and over again for very long periods of time. Liked to rock from side to side for extended periods of time, Echolalia to an extreme (she would constantly repeat everything even if it wasn't close or she would repeat it continuously until we acknowledged her)
Would not ever follow my pointing
REALLY bad sleep. I mean TERRIBLE. multiple wake ups through the night since she was born. Hated naps.
Didn't like most physical affection unless initiated by her.
Lining up her toys constantly. Getting frustrated easily if it didn't fit properly or fell down.
Extreme sensitivity to sounds.
Lots of sensory input (flapping hands when excited, rubbing head on floor, spinning around in circles on her butt), Too early. Things that are “typical” ASD behaviors are also typical neurotypical baby behavior. It’s when they don’t move past that behavior. Give it time practice with your baby the areas they are weak at and see if they eventually get it. We did Birth to 3 program starting at 16 months because my son was not talking. He saw multiple people and they didn’t think it was ASD. He didn’t get diagnosed till 3.5, and he’s still not talking. And one of his biggest stims didn’t start till 3ish. He gets happy flappy hoppy and it’s one of my favorite things because he can’t control the happy and hands and laughing are not enough so the feet got to get in the mix., No babbling. Ever., I noticed all the same things with my son around the same time. My husband and mom thought I was being overly worried and just kept saying it was "normal" baby behavior and that he didn't have autism. My son just turned 2 a couple weeks ago and we got him officially diagnosed in November. They both definitely see it now as more signs starting showing up.
Don't let anyone tell you it's too early or anything like that. There's not really anything to be done until baby is a bit older but I'd bring it up with the pediatrician at the 12 month check up., I think sometimes parents just know when something is off with their child. If you have a feeling that something is off, you should bring these concerns to your pediatrician. Early intervention is helpful., No babbling.
Couldn’t keep still.
Poor focus / attention.
Lacking joint attention.
Terrible sleep.
Cried all the time., Children can show subtle signs before 16 months with diagnosis possible at around 18 months usually. If you are in the US you can ask your pediatrician for a referral to “Early Steps” a federal free program for early intervention. This can make a huge difference. Here is a link with different signs that can be spotted
https://www.readingrockets.org/topics/autism-spectrum-disorder/articles/16-early-signs-autism-16-months, So I just had my second baby (just about to turn 5 months). And in hindsight sight there were a lot of differences. Of course we don’t know if my second has autism yet but I always thought my first met milestones on time, until no babbling or crawling. But seeing my 5 month old now I’m thinking “oh……it did start earlier”. My first was a very social baby, honestly still is to his parents/grandparents. But has major gross motor delays, sensory issues, stimming, language delays. Even if my second does have autism I now know how different they both are, and will have different strengths/weaknesses., It seemed like he was less in tune with me than I expected from a baby. He often smiled at things that entertained him way more than me smiling at him. No hugs or kisses. No sharing. No imitating me. Did not follow my gaze. Did not understand his name. Did not make much eye contact. Would laugh by himself from rocking. Yet liked to be held. Not sure if this has any relation at all but he had an unstable lie in my belly up until birth and required constant motion out of the womb or he would cry. His favorite was me walking in a circle or spinning and now at four years old he does it by himself a lot.
In contrast my NT son was exactly what I had always heard babies were like...Snuggly, loved my face, turned when he heard his name most of the time, had mama as his first word, tolerated being still. Copied things I did.
They're both amazing nuggets now ❤️, Same for us., Same. For us, maybe around 18 months?, Thankyou! I definitely feel like social media doesn’t help since (thankfully) ASD is now a lot more recognized all I see is babies getting diagnosed left and right 😅, Stop telling parents it’s way too early. I knew at 9 months and got my son in diagnosed at 14 months and in therapy by 15 months. That helped him tremendously., Is it joint attention if she is playing with a toy and looks at us and smiles or when she does something and looks at us, I also heard that speech delay isn’t a good first sign anymore as there is like 12+ more causes on why child can be delayed that isn’t ASD, My daughter claps, does make “ba , da noises” but not baba , has great eye contact, plays peek a boo (will cover her face), shares her bottles and food , gives kisses when you ask for a kiss, reach’s for us, gives us her toys, will play with us if we’re on the floor with her, looks to see if we’re watching her, Okay that worries me.. my daughter babbled and stopped at 6 months but she had a double ear infection when it happened now I’m really scared, Same , Its probable your not in the United States so maybe your country has different objective measures.
In the United States the CDC in Accordance with the DSM-V does not Formally Diagnose LO's under the age of 18 Months although typically 24 Months via the M-CHATR then formal developmental assessment via a Developmental Pediatrician, Board Certified Pediatric Neurologist & Board Certified Pediatric Psychologist as an inter-disciplinary trio.
If a random Developmental Pediatrician gave you a diagnosis and unlocked services for you excellent however thats not a formal autism screening in the United States.
In Fact most states require a diagnosis and Level to unlock any degree of early intervention and the severity of that level typically 2 or 3 grants you a multi-year waiting list to unlock those services., Yes that's joint attention., Yes, that would be signs of joint attention. Joint attention is paying attention to the same thing as someone else, on purpose, for social reasons., Yup! Some autistic kids are early talkers and talk non-stop. The first reliable signs are differences in attention, social engagement and non-verbal communication, such as eye contact, gestures and coordinating non-verbal and verbal communication., My son's doctor was on top of everything. As soon as he was showing signs of missing his milestones, she referred us to early intervention. She waited until he turned 1 year old. Turns out that at 14 months old, he was delayed in some areas to 8-10 months development.
I wouldn't worry so much at 9.5 months. My oldest didn't talk until he was 18 months, but 2 months later, he knew all his colors, numbers 1-20, and was talking in full sentences. It sounds like your child is meeting most of her milestones, or your doctor would have mentioned something to you during her well checkups., I am in the US, so whether it was “formal” or not, it doesn’t really matter if it unlocked services for my child. We should encourage parents to advocate for their children and get them in therapy as quickly as possible since we know that early intervention is key.
A parent came to the board and asked about signs and you told them to wait because nothing could be done anyway. Which is not true because I live in the US and I was able to get my child into ST, OT, and ABA by 15 months and had insurance pay for all of it.
You didn’t ask them what state they were in. You just told them to wait. Every psychologist I have seen has praised me for being observant and getting my son into therapy as early as I did. My son has benefited tremendously from that early intervention. We could all be like that but you’re dismissing parents and telling them to wait.
And yes, he didn’t get a “formal” diagnosis until he was 3.5 (mainly because he is high functioning with no intellectual delay) but he received a bridge diagnosis then a provisional diagnosis and then a “full” diagnosis., Hey! Could I DM you?
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What will happen to our sons when we die someday?
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Our twins are 4. Both essentially non-verbal or pre-verbal (they babble, sing [albeit with a lot of heavy pronunciation issues], count [and truly know the numbers, not just reciting them], know their ABCs, say hi, randomly name items [i.e. "bus," "truck," etc.]). They do hand leading. They're in speech, occupational, and developmental therapy.
Neither are potty trained. We've tried and it seemed to scare Twin B, leading to encopresis, which we're still in the process of treating.
This may be just my anxiety talking here. But what would happen to them if we died in a car crash? Or when they're adults and we pass from disease, old age, or whatever?
It has been weighing heavily on my mind lately and I feel so unprepared. How have you planned for your little one's future, based on several different outcomes and depending upon their age at the time of your passing?
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No matter what it is, put something into place. My daughter’s 8 (chromosomal disorder - non-verbal, ID, etc) and I appreciate that people don’t want to discuss the idea of leaving their kids behind, but it’s better to be prepared than nothing at all.
For context, my wife died last year. In terms of custody and care, nothing much has changed seeing as my daughter still has me. Losing my wife has definitely changed my entire outlook on my own mortality (and lead me to some very dark places), we didn’t really have a plan in place before should anything happen to either of us.
Now something has happened to one of us. Take charge of the situation, do something, think about it. I don’t plan on leaving my daughter anytime soon, I’m 34, but neither did my wife. But look into custody, care homes, services, facilities, family, whatever it might be., Depending on where you live, you can start your children in care management. Using our family as an example: we live in New York State, which has the Office of Persons with Developmental Disabilities (OPWDD). Autism is an automatic eligibility for OPWDD services. Being enrolled with OPWDD makes our child eligible for Medicaid regardless of my income, and assigns a care manager who helps create a life plan. This life plan means helping us get our child enrolled in needed services based on current goals, anticipated needs, and any significant life changes.
We already have a family guardian chosen and named in our will - it was the first thing we did after getting pregnant. But now with OPWDD care management we know there's a system in place so that someone is always making sure my child gets needed services, including housing in the future if my child won't be able to live independently.
I don't know where you live so I don't know what equivalent you may have in your region. And for the record it is bureaucracy so it is a headache. But knowing no matter what happens to me, someone is responsible for my child, has been a huge weight off of my mind.
With all of that said, though, I want to take a moment and acknowledge that a lot of what's fueling this anxiety right now is the uncertainty you're facing during very developmentally-heavy years in your kids' lives. And I feel you - my child still isn't potty trained and there are days where I think this must be permanent. But they're learning and doing so much, and each milestone used to feel impossible. All of you are working so hard and it's very tiring and I'm so proud of you., If they are babbling like this at 4, they will more likely than not be fluent at some point. Now that might not be until they are 7 or 8, or it might be by the time they are 6, but they are likely to continue to make progress. They will also eventually become potty trained. So they may eventually be able to live independent lives., I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I think if you can, build routines and connections in your community. My goal is to buy a place with either a basement suite or enough property to build a garden suite. I think as I age, if my son is living with us, he will be our roommate, and my goal is to save enough for retirement where we can have home nursing care/care aids come assist us with our activities of daily living (medications, dressing etc.) once or twice a day. This keeps us on the radar and not falling between the cracks.
I want him to be independent, so my goal is to get him there to the best of his ability.
I also don’t want him relying on me all the time, so I am hoping to have someone come and assist him with things when he is an adult. Getting that bit of outsourcing will help him with the shock of losing his parents (which I hope is when we are elderly) or even dealing with elderly parents with dementia.
We are working on communication, I am taking him to the grocery store with his therapist to learn how to purchase things. I’m starting this all now (at 4.5 years old).
This is just me brainstorming. I’m in the planning stages of envisioning my life, and it won’t be all bad if I plan it accordingly., Start with a plan that works for now. If you died tomorrow, who would you want to have guardianship of your children? Put that into a legal document. Get term life insurance if you don’t have it yet, so that there is enough money to raise them. If it is within your means, create an estate plan with a lawyer.
It is too soon to concretely plan the far future - you don’t know yet what your kids’ needs and wants are going to be. We did an estate plan and established a family trust, and our estate planning lawyer recommends reviewing it every 5 years to keep it up-to-date with current circumstances. We’ve already changed the guardian list once because the previously-selected guardians moved to an area with fewer autism services., Ugh I think about this too.
First thing I would tell you to do is set up a Special Needs Trust. That way if anything happens your assets will only go to your son's and be used for their benefit. I can't stress that enough., Also, it sucks having to worry line this. We all dream of our kids taking care of themselves one day getting married having kids etc. Not saying autistic kids can't... they certainly can but it's a scary thought that your child may need full time care forever. Not fair, I don't have much to add here except to give some hope. Your kids are still young, they're showing some signs of verbal development. They will continue to develop and the future may not be as tough as it is right now. I thought my girls would never get out of diapers, but they finally did at about 5 and a half., This is my everyday fear. I try not to think about it for my mental health. we got term life insurance and inform our family to use the money to take care of my kids if we pass. I trust my sister with my life so I believe she will carry out my wishes. I would do the same for her daughter. As far as the future, I’m trying to teach them life skills so they can survive when we pass- they are so young so it’s hard lol, We have discussed about putting mechanism in place that he's taken care of properly and be placed in appropriate place in any such events., Twin dad here of 2.5 year old twins with one of which is ND. He is exactly as you have described it, numbers and letters brilliantly. Songs constantly. Just says one word when he speaks and doesn't converse, Unlike his brother who can tell me how is day went.
No real advice to offer you to be honest but just to say you have my sympathies and that I also think about that question too alot. My wife and I aren't in the best of health, especially me. I dread the thought of her passing and leaving them with me as I physically couldn't manage them with my back. Likewise if we both passed on we have no family that could really look after both of them. The thought of them ending up in State care keeps me awake at night.
Sending you best wishes from Ireland., Special needs trust.
Also, this: [https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/590454.page](https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/590454.page), If my child needs it I plan to sign them up for adult assisted living asap. I'd rather place them early so I don't wait till I'm too old. Hopefully I can get good life insurance soon to fund a special needs trust and hire someone to execute it., Every parent should have a will. In addition, talk to living family and friends about where your children will go if both parents die.
You can leave your children your assets, house, stocks, cash, retirement accounts etc and that will help support them if something happens, but also have life insurance.
Now, in the case that they can't manage the assets you leave them, someone will do that for them until they can, or a guardian can do so for life if they never can.
If no one is available or willing to assume custody, they become wards of the state and child services steps in. This can mean anything from adoption by a nice family, to foster care, to placement in a group home, or even a nursing care facility based on the child's needs. Some states, looking at you Maryland, will take money from kids to reimburse the state for their care (if you live in one of those states, set up a trust because it's legally dicey and morally bankrupt, since they can take more than they need for your children).
My wife and I did our foster parent licensing before our son's autism care took priority, and we know several wonderful foster parents, guardians, lawyers and DCF workers. Autistic children can find homes with loving families and get services. If they are very needy, there are even special foster parents that get extra training and even get paid to be care givers. But all of this is secondary and may not be required if you make a plan with people who will love your children beforehand, so do it. And go to a family attorney and get it all written down ASAP., I dont wanna think about thiiiiiissss… it freaking hurts me.., Has always been a huge worry for me. We don’t have any family, and no friends who would be willing to take on the responsibility., Hey hey, if you are in the US, please sign your kids up for Waterford Upstart!! It's a free kindergarten preparedness program. It's helped my asd kids with learning how to read, and even say some words, along with their speech therapy. It will help them learn to count too!!, Not gonna lie. This breaks my heart thinking about it sometimes. We can only do our best and hope that the state picks up the gap., As a disabled autist, I'm waiting for my elderly parents to pass then Ill kill myself. I know this is a horrible thing, but think about it. You parents of the disabled are not the only ones with regrets , but unlike us, you chose to bring us into this world. My biggest most irrational wish is to never been born, many of us feel the same. This world is not made for us and you parents know it. I dont feel I'm a burden, I AM a burden but selfishly I dont care I've been a 42yr burden to my parents. No, they *chose* to have me. No, I'm a burden to myself. Unfortunately for me I'm aware enough to see/feel how difficult, lonely and scary life is. As many female disabled autists weve been taken advantage soo so many times, physically and emotionally. And we cant learn, why why why did you have us? Why didnt you abort? I yell every day this.
We are so stupid naive and gullible.
Think about it , no matter what we're doomed. Any money you leave we will be scammed out of. Group homes are rife with abuse. And asking othet family members to care of us...expect more abuse. And its super unfair. Unlike you parents, you are the only ones responsible for our existance. Selfish so selfish. Please dont burden other people because of your selfish mistakes.
Yes, in another world maybe. A kinder world, a world where predators arent in tune with our vulnerability. **We are the easiest pray**. Just think about that.
* I'm aware enough to know I wont survive without my parents assistance. Better dead that chained up in a basement*
So many of you parents are younger than me so my plan to kill myself might seem shocking. Just wait until your disabled child suffers this worlds cruelties. And they will. Over and over and over. This is a cruel world. Were so good hearted we think everyone is like that, but we have extreme difficulty learning, believing much less accepting.
There is no hope for us disabled. Sorry. Maybe in very limited countries like Scandinavia may we have a happy life but most of us dont have that priviledge.
My way out is cervical cancer. Of course no one taught me safe sex, I ended up with high risk HPV. And cos I'm so abmormal I actually received this as good news! I'm too scared to kill myself by traditional methods but cancer...I dont have to do anything. I am not monitoring , nor do I care. I didnt consent to being born, but I'll be dammed, Im ending myself when my selfish parents are dead.
Sorry parents, this is one of the many consequences to your selfish selfish decisions.
Before you dont believe me, realize most disabled here are children, ofc youll read happy bullshit posts. I'm 42. I m probably older than many here. Defintely older than most who post about their special interests and plushies. I have actual life experience.
Also parents, please make your kids take birth control. You normal parents can hardly cope, imagine your disabled child raising a child?? I'm thankful Im aware enough to avoid perpetuatuating this cycle of misery that you chose for us., I mean, you can worry or you can do something about it. Set up people. Look into care homes. Pile on therapies so maybe they'll be independent one day. Etc., Regardless of the autism or not your goal is to still raise children that can function by themselves as adult men & women.
This is one of the issues about raising ND kids, the extra care needed is necessary for their development, Yes!
But their also comes a point where you have to wien them off.
Despite what many may think, autism is just brain developmental issue.
Theyre usually a few years behind and have quirky personalities (which are some times affordable)
All this is why you see big issues in autistic children but if you go to an age care home you can’t pick the autistic ones. (Believe me they’re there)
Its easy to pick a 6 yo who is only developed like a 2 yo. But a 75yo developed like a 50yo or 20yo doesn’t affect their day to day., I’m so very sorry for your loss., > Being enrolled with OPWDD makes our child eligible for Medicaid regardless of my income, and assigns a care manager who helps create a life plan.
I really need to look into moving to a state with this level of services. Our current state offers basically nothing in terms of autism services and we can't afford the out-of-pocket fees and co-pays for therapy., To be clear, there is no automatic eligibility for OPWDD. They have strict eligibility requirements where you must had a documented qualifying diagnosis AND associated substantial handicapped. Being found eligible to apply for OPWDD services does not automatically make you eligible for Medicaid., I can't stress this enough!!!, This means you have to teach your child financial literacy which presumably they are unable to learn. Or if you set up a guardian, well no guarantees they wont use it for them. Unfortunately there is no solution just tiny tiny dents that wont make much difference
. Sorry, I say this as an adult disabled 42yr old autist, Oh we cant take care of ourselves, dont delude ypurself. Even those of us who arent "disabled enough". Im 42 and not disabled enough to receive any assistance. And I'm female. The abuse we endure is horrific. Ive been scammed, swindeled, in abusive relationships, unable to make financial decisions and I dont even realize it until I'm told. Repeatedly.
>Not fair
This is so triggering. You know whats unfair? Not given the choice of being born. You *literally* chose this. We didnt. You did this to us. We had no say. *thats* unfair, As a disabled 42 adult child :
>You can leave your children your assets, house, stocks, cash, retirement accounts
The tragedy of disability, the endless cycle of misery. The options are make them financially literate which is so unrealistic more like wishful thinking, and I pray you dont deceive yourself.
You do realize we are incredibly naive right? You know how many stupid financial decicions Ive made bcs I dont know any better?. How many scams Ive been a victim of? How many abusive relationships Ive been in and didnt realize it?
You'll only be making yourself feel better.
>someone will do that for them until they can, or a guardian can do so for life if they never can
So burden others who had no saying in your decision to have childre
>If no one is available or willing to assume custody, they become wards of the state and child services steps in. This can mean anything from adoption by a nice family, to foster care, to placement in a group home, or even a nursing care facility based on the child's needs
This is so naive. Are you disabled yourself?? Foster care, nursing homes are like churches, full of abuse.
I get it, you tell yourself what you want to hear. Just like us disabled , you parents live in your own deluded world. You guys do it probably out of guilt, we do it because you literally made us like this, Can someone genuinely explain to me why this comment is being down voted?, It's criminal that these kind of human services depend so much on the luck of where you live. Accessibility should be a right. I hope your family finds support., We set our trust up with a guardian yes, but it's someone in our family. Trust me we went over all the legal ins and outs and what ifs, and it's the best thing you can do as parent. Not doing it leaves your child at more risk for being taken advantage and your assets or estate could go to anyone. I'd take my chances with the trust. It's sound legal advice., Not fair for the child love. Have a blessed day 🙏🏾, You seem to suffer under the assumption that everything is about you grinding an axe. Your situation is not the same as everyone else's and just because you can't see how things work, doesn't mean that it doesn't or that things will not be better from planning as opposed to no planning.
I answered the question asked by the OP exactly, namely should they plan, yes, and what can happen. Good and bad options are for them to work through with their family lawyer.
On leaving your child your assets, the actual method is again best left to parents and their estate plan. My father's best friend has 3 sons. The middle child is developmentally challenged to the point where though he can work as a bagger at a grocery, he is unable to understand the concept of money. In his case, his parents have arranged for a financial advisor to administer a trust with all bills being paid out directly to people and companies and without their son ever needing to handle a check book. This is not a burden, it's a paid service in most cases. His older brother has offered to do this role, but his parents can afford to provide for the middle child in this way and feel it would be unfair to ask the oldest to take it on. In a bizarre twist, their son has discovered the world of art, and his paintings now sell for tens of thousands each, and they are already having to protect his interests before their deaths as he lives in a semi-self independent facility, as he is 43 and independently wealthy while not realizing or caring about this.
Alternatively, my uncle's adopted son is physically disabled due to extreme abuse from his biological parents while he was an infant and is incapable of doing laundry or cooking, but is fully capable of administering his finances. In that case, he will receive the funds directly so they will not require added costs of an administrative trust. His life up to this point has been fully improved by being successfully adopted from a "high-risk pool" by people who actually love him as if he were their own.
For my best friend, their oldest son, aged 23, is and will likely remain at a mental age of 6 due to a brain tumor in infancy and severe autism. Because the family does not have assets capable of leaving him significantly provided for, I and several family and friends have agreed to assume responsibility for his best treatment if something would happen to his parents. We do this out of love and respect for the family and wanting to ensure his future. It is a burden that we accepted willingly when asked if we would as opposed to just hoping someone would step in.
If, however, a parent dies without having planned this, the child will inherit everything unrestricted and will have to navigate probate, probably with an appointed guardian ad litem, who may be entitled to a portion of the recovery or extensive legal fees, so worse off than any plan. Oh, and as pointed out, the state may claim it all in compensation for care anyway, so thinking ahead is the ONLY nice thing to do for the children.
On your next topic, foster care facilities, I am not disabled, but am VERY aware of limitations of these places. Firstly, having completed foster care licensing and knowing that critical care givers is a level I will not obtain, I have had direct conversations with MULTIPLE special need foster families. In my state, Florida, due to criminally bad group homes, most facilities are no longer in use, but since my wife's aunt was raised in an Native American school run by the Mennonite church where a children's cemetery was onsite, yes, I do know how bad these can be. Also, my cousin was legal counsel for DCF for several years, and they only brought him in if things were very bad, like a mentally handicapped 13 year old becomes emancipated because of child birth while not being able to consent to sex bad. All the more reason to plan for keeping children out of these places if you can.
In my own family history, my grandmother became mentally unable to care for herself due to a psychiatric condition. She was, for a time housed in a state run facility, where she fell down a flight of stairs and broke her arm in 6 places, but was left in a padded room untreated for 4 days because the medical doctor was only on site once per week. As such, my father became her permanent guardian and she was released into his custody to live in a trailer parked in the swamp behind our house. While us children loved having her live nextdoor to us, my parents were charged with providing her room, board, medical care, ensuring her psychiatric treatment, and managing her financial affairs and her various disability requirements until she passed away 23 years later. She once won a lottery prize of $16000 and was kicked off government assistance for income for an entire year that cost my parents $52,000 in unplanned medical expenses. If she had not a family to take her in, she would have likely died in a windowless room covered in filth and drugged to the point of drooling on herself.
So no, I am not disabled, but my son is autistic and his mother and I know fully well that his ability to live a happy life if we die is dependent on leaving him enough money to achieve what he can make with it and the support of loving people that will watch over him. And with all the crap in this world, we aren't leaving that to chance, but are also in a position where we can do this and recognize not every family is.
Also, I have zero guilt for how or who my son is. I love him with my whole heart, even though he hit my car with a brick earlier today, Because many, many of the users of this forum are parents of high support needs children who will 100% always need 24/7 support for their entire lives.
It goes right back to the whole "Why did they combine aspergers and classical autism"., Better than nothing, absolutely. Realize most abuse comes from within the family. 2 realize the enormous burden you are placing on the family member who unlike you did not choose to have kids. They have no experience dealing w disabled people you do. Maybe start investing in carers courses for this family member bcs they wont be prepared for the shitshow you are unleashing on them which will lead to resentment and abuse.
Sorry, I hate being disabled but I had no choice being born. You did, you chose this. Literally, This is way way waaaay to long for any regular person much less disabled. What I did gather is that you are presenting *purely* anectodal evidence. As you know this is not really evidence. I get it though, focus on the success stories to make yourself feel better.
I wish my negativity was due to the proverbial axe. It's not. Everything Ive mentioned is based on hard evidence. Disabled people have much higher abuse, depression and suicide rates.
>Also, I have zero guilt for how or who my son is. I love him with my whole heart
This is good, and I'm sure several parents also love their disabled children even thouhh you did add a "but" which invalidates your sentence. But anyway. Unfortunatley as you know the world does not run on love and love is frankly irrelevant in this truly awful world., OK thank you for this., I'm not trying to argue with you. But The guardian or Trustee of the trust is not their legal guardian to take care them. Two different things.
The Trustee of the trust oversees all the assets and finances and how they are used. They then disperse funds over time for the childs needs to their legal guardian if they have one, and if not it would go to my son directly. Not one lump sum. In addition the trust guarantees our son can continue getting help like Medicaid, and not get this assistance revoked for having too much assets or money.
In addition, we talk all of these things out with the various family Members involved before signing everything. So everyone is on board. I'm sorry but my wife and I put a ton of thought and consideration into our decision
Lastly... My wife and I also didn't have any experience dealing with a disabled person too. But we are learning and doing everything the best we can for our child., >The guardian of the trust oversees all the assets and finances and how they are used. They then disperse funds over time for the childs needs. Not one lump sum. In addition the trust guarantees our son can continue getting help like Medicaid.
This is objectively fantastic
>In addition, we talk all of these things out with the various family Members involved before signing everything. So everyone is on board
As you know *nothing* can prepare you for raising the disabled. But unlike the guardians you have experience and well, you chose to have kids so disability is always a proabilility. The family member doesnt have the headstart you did. I would seriously start preparing them. Do they have kids? Will those children suffer the consequences of your child being in that family and taking the parents time?
These are things anyone should also consider, Nothing can prepare you for pretty much everything in life. That's why experience is the only true teacher. You don't know until you've gone through and lived it.
I appreciate your concern, but I'm not going to go over all nuances of my families life and the trust. Thank you for your advice., Realized I worded some of this incorrectly and probably made it confusing. I meant to use the term Trustee. They oversee the assets and finances of the Trust. They have no ability to get any money, but can make decisions on when funds are dispersed to the legal guardian. The guardian is what you're thinking, someone whom can look after my child once Im gone. Different states may use different terminology I'm not sure., Absolutely dont trust internet strangers, even I know that. All I'm saying is you have a head start raising the disabled. Your family member does not. They might not cope well, specially if they have their own children and well established lifes. Sure theyll have money from the trust but if you throw them on the deep end ....people are abusive bcs of things like resentment and poor coping skills. Id say invest in a course for the familily memeber so theyll be able to care for your disabled child, That's actually not a bad idea and will look into it, thank you. It's still early on so who knows my child may grow up to be more independent.
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What would you do if you brought your level 1 kid to McDonald's play place and someone was FaceTiming with someone while pointing the camera toward your kid playing with their kids?
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Just curious, what would you do? How would that make you feel? Thanks in advance.
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I would assume that they were showing off their kiddo to the grandparents, unless they were very obviously making derogatory remarks. Not everyone is out to get us., If my kid was interacting with their kid and they were just “happy” filming or FTing I wouldn’t care. If they had an attitude or saying negative things I would rage out. All depends on demeanor and context. I film my kid at McDonalds and other boring places since family is so far away and he’s so happy playing so I can’t get mad at someone doing the same thing I do., It might seem a little weird to me if you completely ignored me but as long as we do the mom-smile then we are good. As long as you have a child with you.., i guess it would depend on how they’re playing together, I need more context. What’s the body language of the person filming? Are they smirking? Laughing or making rude faces? If they’re not doing any of these things, then I assume they’re FaceTiming and just talking about the kids who are at play. Now if they’re smirking and laughing, then I’m taking out my camera, filming that person and ask what their problem is., Nothing. Mind your own business., I’d judge how my son was feeling about it and if he didn’t like it I’d move him., My first assumption would be that they're showing their own kid to someone else., I think someone filming your kid is your business.
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What would you do?
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How would you deal with rude, bordering on offensive language, in groups? I follow this group from my city and while it's not strictly about autistic children, the language is still offensive and it makes me so angry. I reported it but it's on my mind constantly. I'm the parent of an autistic child and I'm appalled at how insensitive people are towards those around them who aren't "typical". Sorry I usually never bother but for some reason, this post really triggered me as I worry for my child and their future.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Chennai/s/uiKUEr5xpL
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I wouldn't bother following the group. Life is too short., I actually don’t see what’s triggering about the linked post. Bunch of NT people taking about their experiences with other potentially ND kids they encountered as children and they seem to be compassionate for the most part. I have seen some real mean things in comparison posted elsewhere.
The rates of ASD are much lower in India (or Chennai the city the link is from) compared to say the US and so is the awareness related to ND issues. People genuinely lack an understanding. But if the discussions in that group bother you, please consider leaving the group for the sake of your peace of mind.
Before my kid was diagnosed with ASD I was completely oblivious to ASD or other special needs. Now I do stress a lot about how my kid will handle things and be treated as he grows older and faces the outside world. I am also a lot more compassionate and understanding towards people I see in public who might have mental health issues. At the same time I realize that I cannot protect my kid or myself from everything, so I need to face the reality and learn to ignore some of the negative emotions that might come from all of it., I realized a long time ago that you could change the words they use, but they still mean the same thing. It's not worth your time.
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What's your daily routine/ schedule like?
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The usual. Breakfast. Then if it's nice out go for a long walk to get energy out. He is 3. Pretty good with change. Maybe because I'm always on the go and he's used to it. Always giving him different food. Pretty good eater., Up at 6:30 then we get ready for school, out of the house by 7:30 then drive my youngest to daycare, he is in pre K 8:45-2:45 then I pick him up and try to entertain him while finishing work. We go pick up my youngest at 4:30 and then back home for dinner/bath and in bed by 7:30. Weekends we just hang out and try to get out of the house at least for a bit., The usual. Breakfast. Then if it's nice out go for a long walk to get energy out. He is 3. Pretty good with change. Maybe because I'm always on the go and he's used to it. Always giving him different food. Pretty good eater., Up at 6:30 then we get ready for school, out of the house by 7:30 then drive my youngest to daycare, he is in pre K 8:45-2:45 then I pick him up and try to entertain him while finishing work. We go pick up my youngest at 4:30 and then back home for dinner/bath and in bed by 7:30. Weekends we just hang out and try to get out of the house at least for a bit., The usual. Breakfast. Then if it's nice out go for a long walk to get energy out. He is 3. Pretty good with change. Maybe because I'm always on the go and he's used to it. Always giving him different food. Pretty good eater., Up at 6:30 then we get ready for school, out of the house by 7:30 then drive my youngest to daycare, he is in pre K 8:45-2:45 then I pick him up and try to entertain him while finishing work. We go pick up my youngest at 4:30 and then back home for dinner/bath and in bed by 7:30. Weekends we just hang out and try to get out of the house at least for a bit., The usual. Breakfast. Then if it's nice out go for a long walk to get energy out. He is 3. Pretty good with change. Maybe because I'm always on the go and he's used to it. Always giving him different food. Pretty good eater., Up at 6:30 then we get ready for school, out of the house by 7:30 then drive my youngest to daycare, he is in pre K 8:45-2:45 then I pick him up and try to entertain him while finishing work. We go pick up my youngest at 4:30 and then back home for dinner/bath and in bed by 7:30. Weekends we just hang out and try to get out of the house at least for a bit.
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