sub_id
string | title
string | Criticism
string | Intent
string | Readability
int64 | body
string | author
string | score
int64 | awards
int64 | numComms
int64 | created
string | subreddit
string | annotated_post_body
string | ES
int64 | EFS
int64 | RS
int64 | EMaskingQ
string | EMask
string | EFSMaskingQ
string | EFSMask
string | RMaskingQ
string | RMask
string | Comments
string | Annotated
bool | label_combination
int64 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
ejua8h
|
i feel like i have no friends
|
1b
|
rant
| 1 |
honestly it’s literally 4am and i’m just overthinking and feeling like a complete loser so i’m just gonna rant.
for some reason i feel like i have no friends. i started my freshman year of college this year and met a great group of friends (that consists of like 6 ppl) and we always hang out and stuff but i constantly get this underlying feeling and “impending doom” that they’re gonna not talk to me next year and that they secretly hate me right now. i have absolutely no evidence of them doing any of this to me, they’re such a great group of people, but i can’t get the feeling from my mind that i’m actually super annoying and they really dislike me and only talk to me bc they feel bad.
also, i honestly think this group are my only friends i’ve made in the 4 months i’ve been in college (which is fine, bc again i love them), but i feel like such a loser bc so many other people i see have a huge group of friends and it makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me idk.
|
jules0614
| 5 | 0 | 4 |
2020-01-04 08:50:01
|
socialanxiety
|
<efs>honestly it’s literally 4am and i’m just overthinking and feeling like a complete loser so i’m just gonna rant. <efe> <efs>for some reason i feel like i have no friends.<efe> <es><efs>i started my freshman year of college this year and met a great group of friends (that consists of like 6 ppl) and we always hang out and stuff but i constantly get this underlying feeling and “impending doom” that they’re gonna not talk to me next year and that they secretly hate me right now.<efe><ee> <es>i have absolutely no evidence of them doing any of this to me, they’re such a great group of people, but i can’t get the feeling from my mind that i’m actually super annoying and they really dislike me and only talk to me bc they feel bad.<ee> <efs><es>also, i honestly think this group are my only friends i’ve made in the 4 months i’ve been in college (which is fine, bc again i love them), but i feel like such a loser bc so many other people i see have a huge group of friends and it makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me idk.<ee><efe>
| 2 | 2 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you feel like you don't have actual friends
| null | true | 220 |
eneb2u
|
I've had this repressed for 8 years. When I was 15, I was groomed by a 19 year old.
|
0
|
rant
| 1 | null |
SW96
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
2020-01-11 22:20:26
|
rapecounseling
|
<es>I've had this repressed for 8 years.<ee> <es>When I was 15, I was groomed by a 19 year old.<ee>
| 2 | 0 | 0 | null | null |
How did X make you feel?
|
the incident
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you had to repress the incident for eight years
| null | true | 200 |
en6y8c
|
Being Slow? It's a Go!
|
0
|
chitchat
| 1 | null |
kokoshungsan
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-11 12:39:22
|
selfhelp
| null | 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 0 |
em0mpx
|
I was the abuser this evening and I hate I let myself go act that way
|
1b
|
rant
| 3 |
I'm not speaking with my abusive partner for about two weeks since he hit me last time. It's the only way of keeping things under somewhat of control. My voice is a trigger for him so I'm just silent. He doesn't bother with how I'm feeling and how it affects kids. I'm sad inside and frustrated but it's okay when he goes out.
Today a day was a bit odd. He seemed more psycho than usual. In the way he walks. In the way he slept more and open his beer three hours earlier. It all got clear when I overheard conversation of him with his mother who is has a bad health. He's very sensitive but I have a sense he's also enjoying a role where he can gets a sympathy from others. He is concerned about her mother but can't wait to see her knocked down. Why I say so? Because he treats her as shit when she's okay.
He got out to be with her in emergency room I suppose. I have no idea because he's not telling me anything. I cooked a meal, nobody wants to eat it. I had to use grocceries because it would rot otherwise. He was keeping it for two days prepared and not doing anything with it.
Finally he came home and first thing he shoot is ugly insult although I had been jumping around kids for three hours, who are everywhere. His words stab me right in the middle of my consiousness. I say nothing but it hurts. I can rationalize all I want the fact he's releasing his own hurt onto me because he can. Because I serve as a sponge for his emotions he has trouble to deal with. And there I go mad. I went to the day room and sit and mind my own business but it's cooking inside.
My oldest daughter seems short on some moments when she is bored. I can repeat her ten times to stop pulling her brother, who has a bad balance, by his t-shirt, she just puts instead a stupid smile and keeps on doing this. Plus she calls her dad now in ugly names, which he handles well for most part of the time, but not always. So, I told her to stop pulling him from behind, and then I snaped, I grabed her rough, he hits herself on a fence, and few moments later she jumps again on a bed and annoys me, and I grab her again to put down and threat her with words "i'll take your head off" and it's a whole amount of rage in me and dissapointment because I handled them all day well, and I was good to them and to her, and here I am, sad and angry, but not because of them but because of their father to whom I can't say or explain a thing.
Here he comes in and tries to act as a mediator as someone who understands that I had been tired of kids so he acts in a calm and peaceful way... and it makes me even more furious because it's not kids who were difficult for me, and it's not them why I snaped. It was him only and his sickening psycho war he's playing the whole time. I hate him so much now and want to hurt him but he is using his own hurt experience to build walls like a pro in this hurt game. The guy is so incredible he even saved his own old shoes in closed and wears his new shoes I bought, with which he punched me already several times, in a hope I suppose, that I would throw his shoes and he would take back his old shoes like an offended child, and it would mean he won because he wants to prove himself that he doesn't get any act od kidness ever and that he's rightfully acting hurt all the fucking time. And I'm just not giving him that pleasure.
|
noahloahboah
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-08 23:09:40
|
domesticviolence
|
<es>I'm not speaking with my abusive partner for about two weeks since he hit me last time.<ee> <es>It's the only way of keeping things under somewhat of control.<ee> <es>My voice is a trigger for him so I'm just silent.<ee> <es>He doesn't bother with how I'm feeling and how it affects kids.<ee> <efs>I'm sad inside and frustrated but it's okay when he goes out.<efe> <es>Today a day was a bit odd.<ee> <es>He seemed more psycho than usual.<ee> <es>In the way he walks.<ee> <es>In the way he slept more and open his beer three hours earlier.<ee> <es>It all got clear when I overheard conversation of him with his mother who is has a bad health.<ee> <es>He's very sensitive but I have a sense he's also enjoying a role where he can gets a sympathy from others.<ee> <es>He is concerned about her mother but can't wait to see her knocked down.<ee> <es>Why I say so?<ee> <es>Because he treats her as shit when she's okay.<ee> <es>He got out to be with her in emergency room I suppose.<ee> <es>I have no idea because he's not telling me anything.<ee> <es>I cooked a meal, nobody wants to eat it.<ee> <es>I had to use grocceries because it would rot otherwise.<ee> <es>He was keeping it for two days prepared and not doing anything with it. <ee> <es>Finally he came home and first thing he shoot is ugly insult although I had been jumping around kids for three hours, who are everywhere.<ee> <efs>His words stab me right in the middle of my consiousness.<efe> <efs>I say nothing but it hurts.<efe> <es>I can rationalize all I want the fact he's releasing his own hurt onto me because he can.<ee> <es>Because I serve as a sponge for his emotions he has trouble to deal with.<ee> <es>And there I go mad.<ee> <es>I went to the day room and sit and mind my own business but it's cooking inside. <ee> <es>My oldest daughter seems short on some moments when she is bored.<ee> <es>I can repeat her ten times to stop pulling her brother, who has a bad balance, by his t-shirt, she just puts instead a stupid smile and keeps on doing this.<ee> <es>Plus she calls her dad now in ugly names, which he handles well for most part of the time, but not always.<ee> <es>So, I told her to stop pulling him from behind, and then I snaped, I grabed her rough, he hits herself on a fence, and few moments later she jumps again on a bed and annoys me, and I grab her again to put down and threat her with words "i'll take your head off.<ee> <efs>it's a whole amount of rage in me and dissapointment because I handled them all day well.<efe> <efs>I was good to them and to her, and here I am, sad and angry, but not because of them but because of their father to whom I can't say or explain a thing. <efe> <es>Here he comes in and tries to act as a mediator as someone who understands that I had been tired of kids so he acts in a calm and peaceful way... and it makes me even more furious because it's not kids who were difficult for me, and it's not them why I snaped.<ee> <es>It was him only and his sickening psycho war he's playing the whole time.<ee> <efs>I hate him so much now and want to hurt him but he is using his own hurt experience to build walls like a pro in this hurt game.<efe> <es>The guy is so incredible he even saved his own old shoes in closed and wears his new shoes I bought, with which he punched me already several times, in a hope I suppose, that I would throw his shoes and he would take back his old shoes like an offended child, and it would mean he won because he wants to prove himself that he doesn't get any act od kidness ever and that he's rightfully acting hurt all the fucking time.<ee> <es>And I'm just not giving him that pleasure.<ee>
| 2 | 2 | 0 | null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you got angry over your abusive partner
| null | true | 220 |
em40h7
|
Suboxone information please!
|
0
|
survey
| 1 |
My boyfriend is going to start using suboxone (not 100% sure I spelled that right) on a daily basis after he gets out of detox. I was just looking for some more information about it and opinions or stories on how it has affected others. Thank you!
|
hojoffman
| 1 | 0 | 9 |
2020-01-09 03:37:37
|
addiction
|
<es>My boyfriend is going to start using suboxone (not 100% sure I spelled that right) on a daily basis after he gets out of detox.<ee> <rs>I was just looking for some more information about it and opinions or stories on how it has affected others.<re> Thank you!
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
boyfriend's detox
|
How did X make you feel?
|
your boyfriend planning to take suboxone
| null | null | null | true | 102 |
ei8n4g
|
life its not really worth it
|
1a
|
rant
| 1 |
why do i keep living?
i dont even know why im still alive, i should've killed myself years ago
the only thing i want is to stop being alone but it never happens...there's no one
im alone
|
vent1667
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
2019-12-31 20:50:26
|
depression
|
why do i keep living? i dont even know why im still alive, i should've killed myself years ago <rs>the only thing i want is to stop being alone but it never happens...<re><es>there's no one im alone<ee>
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you are alone
|
How did X make you feel?
|
being alone
| null | null | null | true | 102 |
ej4ido
|
Started 2020 with people fucking my life up
|
1b
|
rant
| 2 |
hi. i'm very angry and stoned right now, i don't know how this is gonna come out.
i'm trying to allow myself to feel angry, but i'm afraid it's gonna come back at me, like karma.
what happened: my dear bpd friend i met at the psych ward, who was allegedly in love with me, got close to my ex bf who used me and was in general a dickhead to me. she knew about him, and was even angry bc he would be at the same NYE party we were. they like, watched the sunrise cuddling each other, if not kissed and hooked up when i was not around.
i feel like puking when i remember this scene.
i don't even know how to feel or how to get over with this. i'm gonna be seeing her everyday. i have no weed to cope. at least when i'm high i can distract myself.
i just feel so angry. i trusted her. i trusted her with my struggles and she apparently did the same. was always showering me with affection. i know she did on purpose, and now she's begging for my forgiveness, but it's too soon. i want to break things apart and scream.
|
bloodbubblegum
| 2 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-02 21:21:20
|
BPD
|
hi. <efs>i'm very angry and stoned right now, i don't know how this is gonna come out. <efe> <es>i'm trying to allow myself to feel angry, but i'm afraid it's gonna come back at me, like karma. <ee> <es>what happened: my dear bpd friend i met at the psych ward, who was allegedly in love with me, got close to my ex bf who used me and was in general a dickhead to me. she knew about him, and was even angry bc he would be at the same NYE party we were.<ee> <es>they like, watched the sunrise cuddling each other, if not kissed and hooked up when i was not around.<ee> <efs>i feel like puking when i remember this scene. <efe> <efs>i don't even know how to feel or how to get over with this.<efe> <es>i'm gonna be seeing her everyday.<ee> <es>i have no weed to cope.<ee> <es>at least when i'm high i can distract myself. <ee> <efs>i just feel so angry.<efe> <es>i trusted her.<ee> <es>i trusted her with my struggles and she apparently did the same.<ee> <es>was always showering me with affection.<ee> <es>i know she did on purpose, and now she's begging for my forgiveness, but it's too soon.<ee> <efs>i want to break things apart and scream.<efe>
| 2 | 2 | 0 | null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you feel angry about your friend's betrayal
| null | true | 220 |
eiywto
|
How prevelant is ADHD in the general population and is its rate changing?
|
0
|
survey
| 1 |
Just curious.
|
Eldanos
| 1 | 0 | 16 |
2020-01-02 14:31:52
|
ADHD
|
Just curious.
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 0 |
eialjc
|
Happy new year, they said
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
Happy new year they said, I'm crying alone in my room, and the only thing I can't stop thinking about is if my "best friend" which i Just disappointed again is going to survive tonight or not, he currently is not texting after he sent me a picture of him drunk, in the mountains, and he lives far away from there, I'm really scared for him, I don't know if I can do it if he dies, he has a shitty family that's just damaging him and all i do is fucking everything up even more, i do not want him to die, i do not want him to die, please, someone, help me, help me, help me, I don't want to lose him, i need help from someone, he needs a help i can't give him, please, help me.
|
thelfino
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2019-12-31 23:27:39
|
depression
|
<es>Happy new year they said, I'm crying alone in my room, and the only thing I can't stop thinking about is if my "best friend" which i Just disappointed again is going to survive tonight or not, he currently is not texting after he sent me a picture of him drunk, in the mountains, and he lives far away from there,<ee> <efs>I'm really scared for him,<efe> <es>I don't know if I can do it if he dies, he has a shitty family that's just damaging him and all i do is fucking everything up even more,<ee> <rs>i do not want him to die, i do not want him to die,<re> <rs>please, someone, help me, help me, help me, I don't want to lose him, i need help from someone, he needs a help i can't give him, please, help me.<re>
| 2 | 2 | 1 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would help your friend
| null | true | 221 |
ey9q31
|
Should I get up today or should I let myself rest..
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
I feel lazy. I have a couple things I should be doing today. But I didn’t sleep well and this weekend was weird for me.
But I didn’t do much this weekend and it makes me feel like I have no excuse to feel like I can’t get out of bed today.
I just want to find the balance of pushing myself through my depression and knowing when it will be to my benefit me to just rest.
|
darkdingybasement
| 1 | 0 | 5 |
2020-02-03 16:36:52
|
getting_over_it
|
<efs>I feel lazy.<efe> <es>I have a couple things I should be doing today.<ee> <es>But I didn’t sleep well and this weekend was weird for me. <ee> <efs>But I didn’t do much this weekend and it makes me feel like I have no excuse to feel like I can’t get out of bed today. <efe> <rs>I just want to find the balance of pushing myself through my depression and knowing when it will be to my benefit me to just rest.<re>
| 1 | 2 | 2 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you didn't sleep well on the weekend
| null | null | null | null | null | true | 122 |
fl3ktp
|
I’m hopeless
|
1a
|
rant
| 2 |
Fat, friendless, working at a job I hate and never doing anything with my free time but watching Netflix in bed. If I ever stop dulling my mind by binging on whatever food is around or on YouTube or video games I immediately start feeling guilty about everything I’ve done wrong in my life and how meaningless every experience has been. I’ve tried counselors twice before and they don’t really seem to understand how lonely I am. I try going to the gym and dieting but always fall back into the same methods I’ve always used to deal with the gaping emptiness in my life: food and the internet.
I just don’t really see a point to improving. First, i don’t think I’m a good or worthwhile person. I’m selfish and lazy and I act like an asshole as evidenced by every ruined friendship and relationship I’ve had. I also just find it impossible to really relate to anyone. I have only ever met a single person that I’ve ever felt anything meaningful being with, and it’s been more than a year since she told me she doesn’t want to hear from me ever again.
So, that’s why every time I try to improve I end up failing. I have hated myself for as long as I can remember. I feel hollowed out, like everything that used to make me who I am has just been scooped out and I’ve been left with this empty husk. If I was offered to trade my life in for an early shot at nonexistence, it’s not unlikely I would take it.
|
discardfromhere
| 2 | 0 | 10 |
2020-03-19 04:02:58
|
getting_over_it
|
<es>Fat, friendless, working at a job I hate and never doing anything with my free time but watching Netflix in bed.<ee> <efs>If I ever stop dulling my mind by binging on whatever food is around or on YouTube or video games I immediately start feeling guilty about everything I’ve done wrong in my life and how meaningless every experience has been.<efe> <es>I’ve tried counselors twice before and they don’t really seem to understand how lonely I am.<ee> <es>I try going to the gym and dieting but always fall back into the same methods I’ve always used to deal with the gaping emptiness in my life: food and the internet.<ee> <efs>I just don’t really see a point to improving.<efe> <efs>First, i don’t think I’m a good or worthwhile person.<efe> <es>I’m selfish and lazy and I act like an asshole as evidenced by every ruined friendship and relationship I’ve had.<ee> <es>I also just find it impossible to really relate to anyone.<ee> <es>I have only ever met a single person that I’ve ever felt anything meaningful being with, and it’s been more than a year since she told me she doesn’t want to hear from me ever again.<ee> <es>So, that’s why every time I try to improve I end up failing.<ee> <efs>I have hated myself for as long as I can remember.<efe> <efe>I feel hollowed out, like everything that used to make me who I am has just been scooped out and I’ve been left with this empty husk.<efe> <es>If I was offered to trade my life in for an early shot at nonexistence, it’s not unlikely I would take it.<ee>
| 2 | 2 | 0 | null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you feel lonely and hollowed out
| null | true | 220 |
eji6ob
|
Friday January 3rd check in
|
1a
|
rant
| 3 |
So I woke up to a very alarmist text from my father pertaining to what just went down in iran. He's pretty well educated about that type of thing so him warning my brother and I about it shook me up a little. I know the chance of the US getting bombed is slim but regardless of what happens here in our privileged safe environment shit is definitely about to go down. It prompted this silly thought that even if the world was about to end I still wouldn't do dope. I'd rather die sober which is a thought I'd never had in my life until this past year. Morbid, but good, lol.
Yesterday I was off on a weekday for the first time in like 6 months. I spent most of the day in bed recovering from my rough ass nye/ new year's day shifts but eventually got my ass up and did laundry (how I wish I had a w/d unit in my house or even just in this building 😩) and cooked a meal. I have a rule for myself that I only allot 5 days a year for staying in bed and doing nothing productive, and that includes sick days, so despite feeling totally wrecked I'm glad I got up and at least got a few things done. That awful feeling of uselessness that creeps up on me after a day spent doing absolutely nothing is one that reminds me too strongly of spending 60 hours in bed writhing around dope sick and one I would gladly never experience again.
How is everyone doing today? I spent the morning scrolling through various dumb but hilarious subreddits (r/youngpeopleyoutube is a fucking trip) and drinking coffee, something I will definitely not have the luxury to do once school starts back up again. Im still slightly conflicted on my major; I'm glad I transferred to business general so that I can do dual admissions to a 4 year school for marketing, but I really really loved my previous fashion marketing and merchandising major as well as my prof who was the dept head, and I also had the top grades in the entire major and class (it's a new major this year so that's not saying too much but still). I just wish the degree program wasn't designed as a work study Cuz I'm pretty dead set on getting my BA in marketing but I fucking LOVED that class and would do literally hours and hours of work on projects and enjoy every minute of it but since business general major has zero fucking electives I can't take any of the other classes in the FMM major 😩 shit really sucks but im hoping im making the right decision for ~my future~ here.
Well let's wrap this up at 3 (4 lol) paragraphs. I hope everyone has a good Friday! Anyone have any fun plans for the weekend? I think R and I are gonna rent a uhaul pick up and finally get rid of the nasty old punk house couch that like 50+ ppl have crashed on and go get a new one at a thrift store so we can finally get started on living room deep clean/ minor renovations and actually have more than one room to hang out in. I've been wondering about temporary wallpaper; anyone ever use that shit and have it work out? Anyway let me stop my fucking rambling now. Love you guys! 💜
|
kollaps3
| 8 | 0 | 12 |
2020-01-03 17:00:08
|
OpiatesRecovery
|
So I woke up to a very alarmist text from my father pertaining to what just went down in iran. He's pretty well educated about that type of thing so him warning my brother and I about it shook me up a little. I know the chance of the US getting bombed is slim but regardless of what happens here in our privileged safe environment shit is definitely about to go down. It prompted this silly thought that even if the world was about to end I still wouldn't do dope. I'd rather die sober which is a thought I'd never had in my life until this past year. Morbid, but good, lol. Yesterday I was off on a weekday for the first time in like 6 months. I spent most of the day in bed recovering from my rough ass nye/ new year's day shifts but eventually got my ass up and did laundry (how I wish I had a w/d unit in my house or even just in this building 😩) and cooked a meal. I have a rule for myself that I only allot 5 days a year for staying in bed and doing nothing productive, and that includes sick days, so despite feeling totally wrecked I'm glad I got up and at least got a few things done. That awful feeling of uselessness that creeps up on me after a day spent doing absolutely nothing is one that reminds me too strongly of spending 60 hours in bed writhing around dope sick and one I would gladly never experience again. How is everyone doing today? I spent the morning scrolling through various dumb but hilarious subreddits (r/youngpeopleyoutube is a fucking trip) and drinking coffee, something I will definitely not have the luxury to do once school starts back up again. Im still slightly conflicted on my major; I'm glad I transferred to business general so that I can do dual admissions to a 4 year school for marketing, but I really really loved my previous fashion marketing and merchandising major as well as my prof who was the dept head, and I also had the top grades in the entire major and class (it's a new major this year so that's not saying too much but still). I just wish the degree program wasn't designed as a work study Cuz I'm pretty dead set on getting my BA in marketing but I fucking LOVED that class and would do literally hours and hours of work on projects and enjoy every minute of it but since business general major has zero fucking electives I can't take any of the other classes in the FMM major 😩 shit really sucks but im hoping im making the right decision for ~my future~ here. Well let's wrap this up at 3 (4 lol) paragraphs. I hope everyone has a good Friday! Anyone have any fun plans for the weekend? I think R and I are gonna rent a uhaul pick up and finally get rid of the nasty old punk house couch that like 50+ ppl have crashed on and go get a new one at a thrift store so we can finally get started on living room deep clean/ minor renovations and actually have more than one room to hang out in. I've been wondering about temporary wallpaper; anyone ever use that shit and have it work out? Anyway let me stop my fucking rambling now. Love you guys! 💜
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 0 |
eizsiu
|
Epicurus on the Three Obstacles to Happiness and Tranquility
|
0
|
chitchat
| 4 | null |
epc2020
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-02 15:44:16
|
selfhelp
| null | 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
Not a post
| true | 0 |
ek613m
|
Why I never have a boyfriend in my life
|
1a
|
rant
| 1 |
When I was younger it was because “I’m too young to date” to “no one wants to date me” to “I might be that obsessed Girlfriend” the term I know is Yandere , I knew the term because of Yandere Simulator. I never play the game before because I duck at using the keyboard. I heard there are people who became Yandere because of anime, mine is because I’m actually might be already this way , I personally dislike Yandere in anime but fine with the Simulator. It’s scary af.
Because I’m socially awkward I cant social with others means I will be obsessed with my boyfriend till the point I might harm someone. I don’t think I will. My mum says if I ever have a boyfriend I might do something like this. First of all I dislike sharp things. My past crush had gf before and I just left it alone and move on. I think my mum sees me as unstable. I definitely won’t be very stable in a relationship, but don’t think I will kill someone , I’m asexual, so I don’t know how’s it feel to love someone.
|
sadgirlsmiley
| 2 | 0 | 14 |
2020-01-05 01:38:29
|
socialanxiety
|
When I was younger it was because “I’m too young to date” to “no one wants to date me” to “I might be that obsessed Girlfriend” the term I know is Yandere , I knew the term because of Yandere Simulator. I never play the game before because I duck at using the keyboard. I heard there are people who became Yandere because of anime, mine is because I’m actually might be already this way , I personally dislike Yandere in anime but fine with the Simulator. It’s scary af. Because I’m socially awkward I cant social with others means I will be obsessed with my boyfriend till the point I might harm someone. I don’t think I will. My mum says if I ever have a boyfriend I might do something like this. First of all I dislike sharp things. My past crush had gf before and I just left it alone and move on. I think my mum sees me as unstable. I definitely won’t be very stable in a relationship, but don’t think I will kill someone , I’m asexual, so I don’t know how’s it feel to love someone.
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
ei8r6v
|
It really is addicting.
|
1a
|
rant
| 2 |
No not drugs, Not yet at least, but self harm. I started it not too long ago. Using a knife I got from my dad (a hunter). I can't stop. Or maybe I haven't tried hard enough. I feel like I need the knife everywhere I go. Whenever I do some annoying shit or when I fuck up, I feel like I need to cut myself. I've been cutting my fingers seems easier to hide. I have gym class at school so I can't do it on my arms, so I chose my fingers. It doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would. Or maybe it doesn't hurt much because 1: I rarely use lotion. The closest I get to using lotion is the lotion in body wash. Or 2: because the aren't that deep. Sometimes I just cut myself when I'm bored. Is that common when it comes to self harm? Probably not. I remember saying before on a post that I deleted on this sub that I couldn't see myself cutting myself. Guess what! I'm fucking doing it! I've been getting mad more easily and more often lately. That leads to more cuts on my fingers. My mom found one of my posts of this sub. It said I might kill myself. I don't remember what exactly it said. But I'm kinda scared she'll find this one too, so I'm gonna have to delete it in a couple hours. She assumes that everyone on this sub is trying to get me to kill myself. So far I've been lucky enough where no one has tried that on me. There aren't many people who do that on this sub. That's why I love you guys and girls. I'm not good with words myself regarding helping someone else but those of you who do help, I thank you. Some of you have brought me up on my worst day. Even if my spirits are barely lifted, you still help. I know barely anyone will see this post, per usual, but those of you who do bother reading it, thank you for wasting your time on me. I'm sorry for doing so.
|
3Dwaffle12
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2019-12-31 20:59:25
|
depression
|
<es>No not drugs, Not yet at least, but self harm.<ee> I started it not too long ago. <es>Using a knife I got from my dad (a hunter).<ee> <efs>I can't stop.<efe> Or maybe I haven't tried hard enough. <efs>I feel like I need the knife everywhere I go.<efe> <efs>Whenever I do some annoying shit or when I fuck up, I feel like I need to cut myself.<efe> I've been cutting my fingers seems easier to hide. I have gym class at school so I can't do it on my arms, so I chose my fingers. It doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would. Or maybe it doesn't hurt much because 1: I rarely use lotion. The closest I get to using lotion is the lotion in body wash. Or 2: because the aren't that deep. <es>Sometimes I just cut myself when I'm bored.<ee> Is that common when it comes to self harm? Probably not. I remember saying before on a post that I deleted on this sub that I couldn't see myself cutting myself. Guess what! I'm fucking doing it! <efs>I've been getting mad more easily and more often lately.<efe> <efs>That leads to more cuts on my fingers.<efe> My mom found one of my posts of this sub. It said I might kill myself. I don't remember what exactly it said. <efs>But I'm kinda scared she'll find this one too, so I'm gonna have to delete it in a couple hours.<efe> She assumes that everyone on this sub is trying to get me to kill myself. So far I've been lucky enough where no one has tried that on me. There aren't many people who do that on this sub. That's why I love you guys and girls. I'm not good with words myself regarding helping someone else but those of you who do help, I thank you. Some of you have brought me up on my worst day. Even if my spirits are barely lifted, you still help. I know barely anyone will see this post, per usual, but those of you who do bother reading it, thank you for wasting your time on me. I'm sorry for doing so.
| 1 | 2 | 0 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you resorted to self harm
| null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
your condition has worsened
| null | true | 120 |
eiale9
|
Trying to taper, quit, or manage your substance use in the new year? Try using this free app I made.
|
0
|
chitchat
| 2 |
**What's good y'all, happy almost new year!**
For everyone that's trying to taper off a substance, control their usage, spend less money on drugs, take tolerance breaks, or overall keep themselves in check in the new year, I wanted to mention this app I created called Tablets.
I knew a little bit of coding (I dropped out of my second Computer Science class) but I figured I would start a side project in my free time. I started working on an app that my friends and I used to track our substance use. It has helped one of my best friends follow a benzo taper plan as well as help many that have reached out with quitting or managing their substance use.
**Everything is stored locally on your device** (focusing on privacy) and it's easy to use and nice to look at. Data can be viewed in many ways including custom metrics *(What is the average time I wait between my doses of ___? When is the last time I took ___?)*, and can be **exported/backed up** to a spreadsheet or **deleted** at any time.
I put 200 hours into this update over the last 6 weeks and it's finally at a point where I thought I would share it once again, however it's still in active development and I'm implementing new features basically every week.
[Here's a link to the App Store](https://ad.apps.fm/HVh9S_es7jd2hB3wYVNGh7mEqdAzHrteUpaQzsBej-3tsyQSW6x6O5GRfHG2n3NT8dst85Ks7H1IBqMQ9PI05g)
Thank you for the love and stay safe!
|
tourmod
| 1 | 0 | 3 |
2019-12-31 23:27:20
|
selfhelp
|
**What's good y'all, happy almost new year!** <es>For everyone that's trying to taper off a substance, control their usage, spend less money on drugs, take tolerance breaks, or overall keep themselves in check in the new year, I wanted to mention this app I created called Tablets.<ee> I knew a little bit of coding (I dropped out of my second Computer Science class) but I figured I would start a side project in my free time. <es>I started working on an app that my friends and I used to track our substance use.<ee> <efs>It has helped one of my best friends follow a benzo taper plan as well as help many that have reached out with quitting or managing their substance use.<efe> **Everything is stored locally on your device** (focusing on privacy) and it's easy to use and nice to look at. Data can be viewed in many ways including custom metrics *(What is the average time I wait between my doses of ___? When is the last time I took ___?)*, and can be **exported/backed up** to a spreadsheet or **deleted** at any time. <rs>I put 200 hours into this update over the last 6 weeks and it's finally at a point where I thought I would share it once again, however it's still in active development and I'm implementing new features basically every week.<re> [Here's a link to the App Store](https://ad.apps.fm/HVh9S_es7jd2hB3wYVNGh7mEqdAzHrteUpaQzsBej-3tsyQSW6x6O5GRfHG2n3NT8dst85Ks7H1IBqMQ9PI05g) Thank you for the love and stay safe!
| 2 | 2 | 2 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
eip9en
|
Dreams of opiates while detoxing
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
I am currently at a month in my recovery. I am at 8mg sub a day. The past week I have been having dreams involving coming across bottles with oxy, and taking some then instantly regretting the decision and trying to flush my system so I piss clean. These dreams leave me feeling depressed and anxious the following day. Is this normal, and when does the phase usually pass? I have no urge to go back to pills and feel great generally speaking, but the dreams throw me on a bit of a loop..
|
heiroglyphic_phallus
| 1 | 0 | 6 |
2020-01-01 23:01:50
|
OpiatesRecovery
|
<es>I am currently at a month in my recovery.<ee> <es>I am at 8mg sub a day.<ee> <es>The past week I have been having dreams involving coming across bottles with oxy, and taking some then instantly regretting the decision and trying to flush my system so I piss clean.<ee> <efs>These dreams leave me feeling depressed and anxious the following day.<efe> <rs>Is this normal, and when does the phase usually pass?<re> <efs>I have no urge to go back to pills and feel great generally speaking, but the dreams throw me on a bit of a loop..<efe>
| 2 | 2 | 2 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
ekb9cb
|
I'd feel better if I got it off my chest that I feel insecure about my lack of a sex life. There you go.
|
1a
|
rant
| 1 |
Gonna try and stay away from the incel forums (there's a joke)
|
cheese_monkey_92
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
2020-01-05 10:12:47
|
mentalillness
|
<rs><efs>I'd feel better if I got it off my chest that I feel insecure about my lack of a sex life.<efe><re> There you go. Gonna try and stay away from the incel forums (there's a joke)
| 0 | 1 | 2 |
What made you feel X ?
|
insecure about your sex life
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how your sex life makes you feel
| null | null | null | true | 12 |
eonegm
|
Huge meth addict
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 2 |
I (35f) have smoked a huge amount of meth every day, literally every day, for eight years. I have a ten year old child. TBH I’m surprised I haven’t died yet. I know I need serious help but it seems like such a huge thing to overcome.. I’m scared to start because the people who know all tell me how hard it is and the different scenarios where I might fail - I think they’re trying to be realistic but it’s really not helping. My mother knows I’m an addict but she thinks it’s painkillers. All of my friends know, most of them also smoke meth. Could someone ( possibly anyone who has been a meth addict?) please give me some advice? I just want to know what the first step is, if there is any chance I will beat being an addict and love a normal life, and realistically how bad it’s going to get while I try to kick it. Thank you in advance
|
TAmethamphetamine
| 1 | 0 | 44 |
2020-01-14 16:19:38
|
addiction
|
I (35f) have smoked a huge amount of meth every day, literally every day, for eight years. I have a ten year old child. TBH I’m surprised I haven’t died yet. I know I need serious help but it seems like such a huge thing to overcome.. I’m scared to start because the people who know all tell me how hard it is and the different scenarios where I might fail - I think they’re trying to be realistic but it’s really not helping. My mother knows I’m an addict but she thinks it’s painkillers. All of my friends know, most of them also smoke meth. Could someone ( possibly anyone who has been a meth addict?) please give me some advice? I just want to know what the first step is, if there is any chance I will beat being an addict and love a normal life, and realistically how bad it’s going to get while I try to kick it. Thank you in advance
| 2 | 1 | 2 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how taking meth makes you feel
| null | null | null | true | 212 |
fdwkvr
|
I posted this to r/depression. Thought I might try here as well.
|
1a
|
rant
| 3 |
29M. Depression and OCd. Started off 50mg Sertraline 3 weeks ago for two weeks; raised to 75mg one week ago.
Dear mods, if this is not the right place, kindly let me know. If would be great if you could direct me to the right subreddit.
English is not my first language so please bear with me.
**TL:DR**
I have done a lot of reading when I procrastinate from work. I want to start a daily journal on reddit to keep track of my positives and negatives, my progress, and hopefully get advices on when I go wrong.
I noticed that I get overtly stressed over tiny chores/work/things to do, and I'd like to tackle it via progressive increase in exposure and desensitization. Then incorporate other CBT techniques.
***Story/Background:***
I have only recently been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder after a close friend forced me to. Looking back now, I think I first had mild depression around 16yo.
I recall having a general apathy towards life, results, ambition, family, and friends. Any motivation is fleeting and I'd spend most of my days daydreaming. Perhaps hoping for some catastrophe in the school so that I'm no longer bored.
The depression seemingly subsided - at least I think so - as I continued on aimlessly on some path my family/culture/friends expected of me. while I'm not excelling, I'm not underperforming. I have close group of friends and we enjoy movies and outings.
It all went to hell when I was around 22/23yo. I should add that I have Contamination OCD and during my University days, decided against my better judgement that I should live with a close friend.
This proved horrible as my OCD meant I couldn't live normally or telerate their habits. I thought I had it in control and hid my oddities well. I didn't.
My housemates at the time hated me and talked loads behind my back. All the while I was oblivious about their hatred towards me while they acted normal around me. I noticed somewhere around 3 months in. I had the chance to look through their messages and curiousity started my depression.
Reading through all those hate filled complaints and messages was painful. Having to sleep in the same room as him after was impossivle. To act civil while I moved out was tough. While we did not have a big fight because we both hated confrontation,
our 6year friendship fell apart; along with it, I resolutely cut ties with the entire group of friends that was associated with this guy.
I believe this to be the "event" which kickstarted my depression. Worse still, I moved to a different place and had another falling out with another group of housemates. We started off great, even went on a trip together. In about two months, I don't recall the cause of it. But I remember they confronted me on something and I just started withdrawing from them.
After that, I stopped going to lectures and classes. I was fired from my club because I couldn't perform anymore. (I spent the first year making it into the committee), As a result, I graduated with a subpar GPA. I've never felt worse. I feel like I disaappointed my dad, wasted his money, and failed to prove myself to those who looked down on me.
I spent the next two years isolating myself in my room, only going out for groceries if I absolutely have to. I avoided the housemates by being active at odd hours. I lied to my family that I was trying and failing to apply for jobs while the truth is I mindlessly watched seasons after seasons of brainless TV.
I am eternally thankful that my dad supported me through this lie. He paid for my rent, food, and courses I took because I wanted to extend my visa. Oh, I was also an international student so you can imagine how much money that costed.
I cannot begin to describe the amount of guilt I feel.
The reason I'm even trying to get better is because of guilt. My main motivation is to make them proud of me.
When I was 27, I spent a year dodging their concerned calls. They were so worried they sent a friend over to check on me. And finally, they took a flight over themselves. My visa finally expired and I went home.
After getting home, I once again lied to them about job searching and spent a year doing my best to avoid family events and outings. Finally, last year they forcefully got me a job with my relatives and I've feel into a routine since then.
I majored in Finance and Accounting in Uni. But my results were subpar and it has been 3-4years at this point. I barely remember a thing and I can't perform. I can't even get myself to pick the knowledge back up.
Admittedly though, the work I perform doesn't require that much. But alas, I fail to perform. I find it difficult to get myself to issue a simple invoice which takes 5muinutes tops.
I am more and more disappointed in myself over time. I hate the job, but I haven't even sent out a single resume. The very thought of going for interviews and exposing myself as incompetent frightens me. GEtting judged by anonymous HR people makes me hate myself.
I contemplated all kinds of alternatives ie: getting a remote part time job so that I can make extra income while improving myself. Taking courses online and hopefully put me ahead of others.
Ultimately though, I have not brought myself to do any of those things. Even this reddit post took 5days of contemplating before I could do it.
I know what I should do, and people will say "you never know if you never try" but I can't help but imagine the negatives. Posting for help on reddit for example opens me up to judgement from random strangers, trolls, even scams, some of them incredibly damaging.
Improving myself via courses/books/lectures can be an enormous time sink. Not to mention that what is learned may not even be useful to me in the future and may end up being a waste of time.
Currently, I spend the measly 4 hours of free time I get after getting back from work watching movies or reading novels. They're not entertaining nor boring, but they keep me sane. I dread the day that they are taken away.
***Analysis:***
Growing up, I've been instilled with the idea that I am smart, but lazy. I believe this became a part of my core identify. I'm 29 and I don't recall ever working hard, for anything.
I've coasted through life however, largely because my parents made me go to numerous additional tuitions, cram classes, etc. I've never done homework, mostly copied them off of friends, but have the concept repeated to you enough times and it gets carved into memory.
My results up till 15yo were always above average.
I believe due to the circumstances, I grew up without developing any self-discipline skills. Never having an aim or goal and simply going through the motions meant I was lost the moment those guidance were taken away. Believing myself to be smart also creates a subconcious anxiety - what if I worked hard but still failed? that would mean I'm not smart.
Throughout life, I have had a panic attack twice. Once when I was 10. An art project which took me 20minutes tops was criticised and I broke down in tears and hyperventilated, having to be taken home from school.
The next was when I was 16. Around this time, I was getting progessively more apathetic at school. I struggled to get up in the morning and was often late to school. I was late for 10 times and my parents were called to school which resulted in me hyperventilating once again.
I also spent a lot of time gaming which I believe was some sort of coping mechanism similar to mindlessly watching youtube or browsing reddit.
Not entirely sure what these events mean. But I think I can conclude that I have an inability to accept criticism or face consequences of my own actions.
***What I want to do:***
As stated above, I want to tackle my self-disclipline, responsibility avoidance, and anxiety towards work, via progressively increasing exposure.
I will practice mindful relaxation and attempt to associate the relaxation with the trigger(work).
I will also journal on reddit. 1. To have accountability, 2. to further dissect my thoughts, analyze the issues, solve them. and 3. to get advice.
Thank you for reading this far. Or if you skipped, thanks anyways for your time. I may have left out some details or major events in life, I'm not entirely sure and I'm too tired to go back and check.
|
FallingIsLearning
| 1 | 0 | 4 |
2020-03-05 15:10:21
|
getting_over_it
|
<es>29M.<ee> <es>Depression and OCd.<ee> <es>Started off 50mg Sertraline 3 weeks ago for two weeks; raised to 75mg one week ago.<ee> Dear mods, if this is not the right place, kindly let me know. If would be great if you could direct me to the right subreddit. English is not my first language so please bear with me. **TL:DR** <es>I have done a lot of reading when I procrastinate from work.<ee> <es>I want to start a daily journal on reddit to keep track of my positives and negatives, my progress, and hopefully get advices on when I go wrong. <ee> <es>I noticed that I get overtly stressed over tiny chores/work/things to do, and I'd like to tackle it via progressive increase in exposure and desensitization.<ee> <es>Then incorporate other CBT techniques.<ee> ***Story/Background:*** <es>I have only recently been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder after a close friend forced me to.<ee> <es>Looking back now, I think I first had mild depression around 16yo.<ee> <efs>I recall having a general apathy towards life, results, ambition, family, and friends.<efe> <efs>Any motivation is fleeting and I'd spend most of my days daydreaming.<efe> <efs>Perhaps hoping for some catastrophe in the school so that I'm no longer bored.<efe> <es>The depression seemingly subsided - at least I think so - as I continued on aimlessly on some path my family/culture/friends expected of me. while I'm not excelling, I'm not underperforming.<ee> <es>I have close group of friends and we enjoy movies and outings.<ee> <es>It all went to hell when I was around 22/23yo.<ee> <es>I should add that I have Contamination OCD and during my University days, decided against my better judgement that I should live with a close friend.<ee> <es>This proved horrible as my OCD meant I couldn't live normally or telerate their habits.<ee> <es>I thought I had it in control and hid my oddities well.<ee> <es>I didn't. <ee> <es>My housemates at the time hated me and talked loads behind my back.<ee> <es>All the while I was oblivious about their hatred towards me while they acted normal around me.<ee> <es>I noticed somewhere around 3 months in.<ee> <es>I had the chance to look through their messages and curiousity started my depression.<ee> <efs>Reading through all those hate filled complaints and messages was painful.<efe> <efs>Having to sleep in the same room as him after was impossible. <efe><efs>To act civil while I moved out was tough.<efe> <es>While we did not have a big fight because we both hated confrontation, our 6year friendship fell apart; along with it, I resolutely cut ties with the entire group of friends that was associated with this guy.<ee> <es>I believe this to be the "event" which kickstarted my depression.<ee> <es>Worse still, I moved to a different place and had another falling out with another group of housemates.<ee> <es>We started off great, even went on a trip together.<ee> <es>In about two months, I don't recall the cause of it.<ee> <es>But I remember they confronted me on something and I just started withdrawing from them. <ee> <es>After that, I stopped going to lectures and classes.<ee> <es>I was fired from my club because I couldn't perform anymore.<ee> <es>(I spent the first year making it into the committee), As a result, I graduated with a subpar GPA.<ee> <efs>I've never felt worse.<efe> <efs>I feel like I disaappointed my dad, wasted his money, and failed to prove myself to those who looked down on me.<efe> <es>I spent the next two years isolating myself in my room, only going out for groceries if I absolutely have to.<ee> <es>I avoided the housemates by being active at odd hours.<ee> <es>I lied to my family that I was trying and failing to apply for jobs while the truth is I mindlessly watched seasons after seasons of brainless TV. <ee> <es>I am eternally thankful that my dad supported me through this lie.<ee> <es>He paid for my rent, food, and courses I took because I wanted to extend my visa.<ee> <es>Oh, I was also an international student so you can imagine how much money that costed. <ee> <efs>I cannot begin to describe the amount of guilt I feel. <efe> <efs>The reason I'm even trying to get better is because of guilt.<efe> <rs>My main motivation is to make them proud of me.<re> <es>When I was 27, I spent a year dodging their concerned calls.<ee> <es>They were so worried they sent a friend over to check on me.<ee> <es>And finally, they took a flight over themselves.<ee> <es>My visa finally expired and I went home.<ee> <es>After getting home, I once again lied to them about job searching and spent a year doing my best to avoid family events and outings.<ee> <es>Finally, last year they forcefully got me a job with my relatives and I've feel into a routine since then.<ee> <es>I majored in Finance and Accounting in Uni.<ee> <es>But my results were subpar and it has been 3-4years at this point.<ee> <es>I barely remember a thing and I can't perform.<ee> <es>I can't even get myself to pick the knowledge back up.<ee> <es>Admittedly though, the work I perform doesn't require that much.<ee> <es>But alas, I fail to perform.<ee> <es>I find it difficult to get myself to issue a simple invoice which takes 5muinutes tops. <ee> <efs>I am more and more disappointed in myself over time.<efe> <efs>I hate the job, but I haven't even sent out a single resume.<efe> <efs>The very thought of going for interviews and exposing myself as incompetent frightens me.<efe> <efs>GEtting judged by anonymous HR people makes me hate myself.<efe> <es>I contemplated all kinds of alternatives ie: getting a remote part time job so that I can make extra income while improving myself.<ee> <es>Taking courses online and hopefully put me ahead of others.<ee> <es>Ultimately though, I have not brought myself to do any of those things.<ee> Even this reddit post took 5days of contemplating before I could do it. <es>I know what I should do, and people will say "you never know if you never try" but I can't help but imagine the negatives.<ee> <es>Posting for help on reddit for example opens me up to judgement from random strangers, trolls, even scams, some of them incredibly damaging.<ee> <es>Improving myself via courses/books/lectures can be an enormous time sink.<ee> <es>Not to mention that what is learned may not even be useful to me in the future and may end up being a waste of time.<ee> <es>Currently, I spend the measly 4 hours of free time I get after getting back from work watching movies or reading novels.<ee> <es>They're not entertaining nor boring, but they keep me sane.<ee> <efs>I dread the day that they are taken away. <efe> ***Analysis:*** <es>Growing up, I've been instilled with the idea that I am smart, but lazy.<ee> <es>I believe this became a part of my core identify.<ee> <es>I'm 29 and I don't recall ever working hard, for anything. <ee> <es>I've coasted through life however, largely because my parents made me go to numerous additional tuitions, cram classes, etc.<ee> <es>I've never done homework, mostly copied them off of friends, but have the concept repeated to you enough times and it gets carved into memory.<ee> <es>My results up till 15yo were always above average. <ee> <es>I believe due to the circumstances, I grew up without developing any self-discipline skills.<ee> <es>Never having an aim or goal and simply going through the motions meant I was lost the moment those guidance were taken away.<ee> <efs>Believing myself to be smart also creates a subconcious anxiety - what if I worked hard but still failed?<efe> <efs>that would mean I'm not smart.<efe> <es>Throughout life, I have had a panic attack twice.<ee> <es>Once when I was 10.<ee> <es>An art project which took me 20minutes tops was criticised.<ee> <efs>I broke down in tears and hyperventilated, having to be taken home from school.<efe> <es>The next was when I was 16.<ee> <es>Around this time, I was getting progessively more apathetic at school.<ee> <es>I struggled to get up in the morning and was often late to school.<ee> <es>I was late for 10 times and my parents were called to school which resulted in me hyperventilating once again.<ee> <es>I also spent a lot of time gaming which I believe was some sort of coping mechanism similar to mindlessly watching youtube or browsing reddit. <ee> Not entirely sure what these events mean. <es>But I think I can conclude that I have an inability to accept criticism or face consequences of my own actions.<ee> ***What I want to do:*** <rs>As stated above, I want to tackle my self-disclipline, responsibility avoidance, and anxiety towards work, via progressively increasing exposure. <re> <rs>I will practice mindful relaxation and attempt to associate the relaxation with the trigger(work).<re> <rs>I will also journal on reddit. 1. To have accountability, 2. to further dissect my thoughts, analyze the issues, solve them. and 3. to get advice.<re> Thank you for reading this far. Or if you skipped, thanks anyways for your time. I may have left out some details or major events in life, I'm not entirely sure and I'm too tired to go back and check.
| 2 | 2 | 2 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
ei9a78
|
I'm a desperate and pathetic person
|
1a
|
rant
| 2 |
Just venting though, i don't know i have depression or i just want attention from my ex or not.
But 2019 just went from great to hell in just couple months, from having promises to our future, try to have the best year for us to broke up, just because he's not feeling any love for me anymore and only sees me as a friend and he been having his feelings for another girl. i went from acceptance and try to think positive that if i try hard enough, he will come back to completely break down when i found out he's dating another girl which he sees as his future wife.
It hurts so bad like someone just stabbed me multiple times in my chest, i spent most of my time crying, trying to find a reason to get out of bed, i start having 1 to 2hrs sleep everyday just to wake up and crying again, i keep throwing up everything i ate, drinking, having non stop headaches. I tried to suicide once but failed, from that day on i thought i learn my lesson but i start to hurt myself instead by cutting my wrist and arms to the point it doesn't look like an arm anymore. I bought myself ropes and coal burner just to pick what i'll ended up using.
Lately i even think of trying to jump off from my balcony but i stopped myself from doing it because i have my leftovers work to finish and i already have my payment. Yeah, that's the only thing keep me away from suicide this time, i don't know what i'm going to do when im finish though.
But after all, i did all of that just because deep inside my heart i wish that my ex will come back, i don't tell him anything about what i'm doing, but he's smart enough to figured it out. The only time i openly tell him i want to die is just yesterday. I sent him a picture of me standing on the edge of my balcony while completely drunk.
I really can't look up to my future anymore without him, i know i've bothering him alot but i can't stop myself from doing it. Everyone tells me to just give up and move on but i'm still here, being pathetic, wanting to die just because of a guy leave me, i admit, i'm stupid, dumb, anything you can use to describe someone being this desperate. But in the end, i can't help it, i can't stop myself from doing it, i seek help from doctors to medications but nothing help and in the end i just cry and cry till my head and my eyes wanted to popped out.
What sucks the most is that i completely aware of what i'm doing is wrong and stupid, but i just did, like it was something meant to be, maybe i'm someone that doesn't deserve my own happiness, maybe god already decided that this is how i die. Everything happen for a reason, maybe i did something wrong to him or to anyone that i'm not aware of and this is my punishment.
Everyone moves on, it's my fault that i can't, but i'm glad to know that even when i'm gone, it's not going to pains anyone too much.
|
Snowflakes247
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2019-12-31 21:41:27
|
depression
|
<es>Just venting though, i don't know i have depression or i just want attention from my ex or not.<ee> <es>But 2019 just went from great to hell in just couple months, from having promises to our future, try to have the best year for us to broke up, just because he's not feeling any love for me anymore and only sees me as a friend and he been having his feelings for another girl.<ee> <efs>i went from acceptance and try to think positive that if i try hard enough, he will come back to completely break down when i found out he's dating another girl which he sees as his future wife.<efe> <efs>It hurts so bad like someone just stabbed me multiple times in my chest, i spent most of my time crying, trying to find a reason to get out of bed, i start having 1 to 2hrs sleep everyday just to wake up and crying again, i keep throwing up everything i ate, drinking, having non stop headaches.<efe> <efs>I tried to suicide once but failed, from that day on i thought i learn my lesson but i start to hurt myself instead by cutting my wrist and arms to the point it doesn't look like an arm anymore.<efe> I bought myself ropes and coal burner just to pick what i'll ended up using. <efs>Lately i even think of trying to jump off from my balcony but i stopped myself from doing it because i have my leftovers work to finish and i already have my payment.<efe> Yeah, that's the only thing keep me away from suicide this time, i don't know what i'm going to do when im finish though. <rs>But after all, i did all of that just because deep inside my heart i wish that my ex will come back, i don't tell him anything about what i'm doing, but he's smart enough to figured it out.<re> The only time i openly tell him i want to die is just yesterday. I sent him a picture of me standing on the edge of my balcony while completely drunk. <efs>I really can't look up to my future anymore without him, i know i've bothering him alot but i can't stop myself from doing it.<efe> <efs>Everyone tells me to just give up and move on but i'm still here, being pathetic, wanting to die just because of a guy leave me, i admit, i'm stupid, dumb, anything you can use to describe someone being this desperate.<efe> <efs>But in the end, i can't help it, i can't stop myself from doing it, i seek help from doctors to medications but nothing help and in the end i just cry and cry till my head and my eyes wanted to popped out.<efe> What sucks the most is that i completely aware of what i'm doing is wrong and stupid, but i just did, like it was something meant to be, maybe i'm someone that doesn't deserve my own happiness, maybe god already decided that this is how i die. Everything happen for a reason, maybe i did something wrong to him or to anyone that i'm not aware of and this is my punishment. <efs>Everyone moves on, it's my fault that i can't, but i'm glad to know that even when i'm gone, it's not going to pains anyone too much.<efe>
| 2 | 2 | 2 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
suicidal
| true | 222 |
eibcsl
|
Just smile
|
1a
|
rant
| 1 |
I tried my best today , the whole family and friends were there . I tried . But I could fill my lips opening and start crying wanting to just end the moment . I cant feel happiness . There goes another year me not being myself , hiding who i am from everyone .
My sister got her friends and went partying , i was keft behind asked by family " why aren't you going with them " .
I got the car , i failed everything , from opening the lights to fucking turning the wheels .
You know how you wish no one is alone tonight ? I really wish no one is alone every night . But we are , lots of us .
Nothing new here , i cant get out of bed and blah blah blah . We know fucking piece of shit . Why the fuck i am important to me ?
|
AmIworth1t
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-01 00:28:03
|
depression
|
I tried my best today , the whole family and friends were there . I tried . But I could fill my lips opening and start crying wanting to just end the moment . I cant feel happiness . There goes another year me not being myself , hiding who i am from everyone . My sister got her friends and went partying , i was keft behind asked by family " why aren't you going with them " . I got the car , i failed everything , from opening the lights to fucking turning the wheels . You know how you wish no one is alone tonight ? I really wish no one is alone every night . But we are , lots of us . Nothing new here , i cant get out of bed and blah blah blah . We know fucking piece of shit . Why the fuck i am important to me ?
| 2 | 1 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how do you feel about being left out
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you feel lonely
| null | true | 210 |
f6qgiz
|
Scared
|
1b
|
rant
| 2 |
My ex is very emotionally and mentally abusive. I can’t take it anymore. I’m constantly on eggshells and anxious. He’s constantly name calling. (Whore, Cunt, Slut, Stupid Bitch). He constantly body shames me. Tells me he wishes I wasn’t fat. At one point in time September of 2019, he told me he never even loved me. I can’t take his abuse anymore. I wish I never had met him because he is a truly horrible and hurtful person. I’m scared. We have a daughter together. He constantly is using her as a pawn to hurt me. Constantly using coercive and manipulate behavior to get what he wants. Constantly threatening me. This past Saturday he actually told me “I’ll watch you die” with the 😘face. He’s told me I should just kill myself and slit my wrists. He’s had me followed, he’s hacked into my phone. I got a new phone and now he’s into my accounts on the new one. I’ve known for awhile he’s cheated on me. He finally decides to admit it to me this Saturday. We were together for two years and now he decides to come clean? After telling me he wants to be a family, loves me, and every other manipulative lie he’s said. I just can’t take it anymore. I wish I never met him. He’s done nothing but hurt me. He truly does scare me. Who says “I’m going to watch you die”. He’s a horrible human being, and he’s actually supposed to taking care of others. He has everyone fooled. They are lucky they only know the fake him, because the real him is an abusive monster who’s hurt me so much. Who’s done nothing but betray me and abuse me, and I just wish I never met him. I want to feel whole again, and not empty. I want him to just leave me alone. I’m fucking scared. He’s said and done so many horrible things.
|
Pin3aplePrinc3ss
| 1 | 0 | 4 |
2020-02-20 09:08:40
|
domesticviolence
|
<es>My ex is very emotionally and mentally abusive.<ee> <efs>I can’t take it anymore.<efe> <efs>I’m constantly on eggshells and anxious.<efe> <es>He’s constantly name calling. (Whore, Cunt, Slut, Stupid Bitch).<ee> <es>He constantly body shames me.<ee> <es>Tells me he wishes I wasn’t fat.<ee> <es>At one point in time September of 2019, he told me he never even loved me.<ee> <efs>I can’t take his abuse anymore.<efe> <es>I wish I never had met him because he is a truly horrible and hurtful person.<ee> <efs>I’m scared.<efe> <es>We have a daughter together. <ee><es>He constantly is using her as a pawn to hurt me.<ee> <es>Constantly using coercive and manipulate behavior to get what he wants.<ee> <es>Constantly threatening me.<ee> <es>This past Saturday he actually told me “I’ll watch you die” with the 😘face.<ee> <es>He’s told me I should just kill myself and slit my wrists.<ee> <es>He’s had me followed, he’s hacked into my phone.<ee> <es>I got a new phone and now he’s into my accounts on the new one.<ee> <es>I’ve known for awhile he’s cheated on me.<ee> <es>He finally decides to admit it to me this Saturday.<ee> <es>We were together for two years and now he decides to come clean?<ee> <es>After telling me he wants to be a family, loves me, and every other manipulative lie he’s said.<ee> <efs>I just can’t take it anymore.<efe> <efs>I wish I never met him.<efe> <efs>He’s done nothing but hurt me.<efe> <efs>He truly does scare me.<efe> <es>Who says “I’m going to watch you die”. He’s a horrible human being, and he’s actually supposed to taking care of others.<ee> <es>He has everyone fooled.<ee> <es>They are lucky they only know the fake him, because the real him is an abusive monster who’s hurt me so much.<ee> <efs>Who’s done nothing but betray me and abuse me, and I just wish I never met him.<efe> <rs>I want to feel whole again, and not empty.<re> <rs>I want him to just leave me alone.<re> <efs>I’m fucking scared.<efe> <es>He’s said and done so many horrible things.<ee>
| 2 | 2 | 1 | null | null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would help you get away from your ex
| null | true | 221 |
eoe06k
|
Day 10
|
1a
|
rant
| 2 |
So I’ve been commenting a lot on here but haven’t made a post in a long time. I’m day 10 clean off my 60-120mg oxy habit. It’s been the longest 10 days of my life but I’ve learned a lot about myself. Self control I didn’t know I had. The will to fight my own brain. I feel like this shit is mostly just mental! Like everyone on here says, just stay busy and occupy your mind. I’ve started exceeding and listening to a shit ton of music and doing stuff around the house more. Getting sleep has been one of the hardest things, and makes you want to use. I would fall asleep at 5 am and have to wake up at 7 to go to work. I was a zombie. But I battled through it and now I feel way better. Joined a gym, made a budget, set some goals. I have a calendar that I’m checking off the days with so I can visualize this shit. Positive reinforcement has helped so much compared to the other times I “quit”. You have to literally will your sobriety into existence. I pretty much have went cold turkey only smoking copious amounts of marijuana. But everyone has their own way of coping and getting clean. Just would like to recommend long hot showers with candles and peaceful music, lots of self reflection and meditation, stretching, and maybe running or working out. Today I wanted to use but I didn’t and I feel good about that. I randomly bought some kratom at the gas station instead. Took a table spoon in a drink and waiting to see how it makes me feel. I don’t think I need it and didn’t really wanna use it but idk maybe it’ll help me sleep or control cravings. Wish me luck! Day 11 tomorrow! You guys can do it. Hit me up if you wanna chat. I’m a fuckin Chatty Cathy now that my brain works again
|
HtownChiller420
| 1 | 0 | 3 |
2020-01-14 01:30:28
|
OpiatesRecovery
|
So I’ve been commenting a lot on here but haven’t made a post in a long time. I’m day 10 clean off my 60-120mg oxy habit. It’s been the longest 10 days of my life but I’ve learned a lot about myself. Self control I didn’t know I had. The will to fight my own brain. I feel like this shit is mostly just mental! Like everyone on here says, just stay busy and occupy your mind. I’ve started exceeding and listening to a shit ton of music and doing stuff around the house more. Getting sleep has been one of the hardest things, and makes you want to use. I would fall asleep at 5 am and have to wake up at 7 to go to work. I was a zombie. But I battled through it and now I feel way better. Joined a gym, made a budget, set some goals. I have a calendar that I’m checking off the days with so I can visualize this shit. Positive reinforcement has helped so much compared to the other times I “quit”. You have to literally will your sobriety into existence. I pretty much have went cold turkey only smoking copious amounts of marijuana. But everyone has their own way of coping and getting clean. Just would like to recommend long hot showers with candles and peaceful music, lots of self reflection and meditation, stretching, and maybe running or working out. Today I wanted to use but I didn’t and I feel good about that. I randomly bought some kratom at the gas station instead. Took a table spoon in a drink and waiting to see how it makes me feel. I don’t think I need it and didn’t really wanna use it but idk maybe it’ll help me sleep or control cravings. Wish me luck! Day 11 tomorrow! You guys can do it. Hit me up if you wanna chat. I’m a fuckin Chatty Cathy now that my brain works again
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
eiq2ol
|
My anxiety/fear of failure has withheld me from making friends at university
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
I started a master's in September at a new university in a completely new city and in the entire first semester, I haven't been able to make a single friend. At all my previous schools and colleges I had a steady group of friends to hang out with but here I've been all on my own for a full four months now. And it's not that I don't want any friends; I'd love to have some people around me to grab a drink with or to go to the cinema together or just to talk to now and then. But as it is, I'm always sitting on my own in class and for lunch, I always go back to my room. Even if I wanted to talk to someone, I wouldn't know how to. I simply don't know how to start a conversation. It seems absolutely alien to me to just chat up with a complete stranger. Even before I go to class, I go through all the things that could go wrong if I even looked at someone. I'm so scared that I'd make a weird or wrong impression. Let alone the ways I could fuck up just saying "Hello." I'm just so scared of doing anything wrong. I wish I just had the confidence some other people have. Anybody got any tips to help me out?
|
LeoDesperado24
| 1 | 0 | 3 |
2020-01-02 00:04:48
|
Anxiety
|
<es>I started a master's in September at a new university in a completely new city and in the entire first semester, I haven't been able to make a single friend.<ee> <es>At all my previous schools and colleges I had a steady group of friends to hang out with but here I've been all on my own for a full four months now.<ee> <rs>And it's not that I don't want any friends; I'd love to have some people around me to grab a drink with or to go to the cinema together or just to talk to now and then.<re> <es>But as it is, I'm always sitting on my own in class and for lunch, I always go back to my room.<ee> <es>Even if I wanted to talk to someone, I wouldn't know how to.<ee> <es>I simply don't know how to start a conversation.<ee> <es>It seems absolutely alien to me to just chat up with a complete stranger.<ee> <es>Even before I go to class, I go through all the things that could go wrong if I even looked at someone.<ee> <efs>I'm so scared that I'd make a weird or wrong impression.<efe> Let alone the ways I could fuck up just saying "Hello." <efs>I'm just so scared of doing anything wrong.<efe> <rs>I wish I just had the confidence some other people have.<re> <rs>Anybody got any tips to help me out?<re>
| 2 | 2 | 2 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
eoz6jb
|
I just want to sleep but I cant
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 2 |
I want to start this out with that I really dont want to do therapy. I'm aware that's the best option but I just really cant bring myself to talk to a therapist. I just cant.
I was assaulted beginning of December. It was by one of my friends with benefits when we were sleeping next to eachother. It happened between the hours of 3 and 4 am. Two weeks after it happened, right around christmas, I noticed I kept waking up at 3am. Exactly at 3am. Sometimes I would have verge of anxiety attacks. Sometimes my eyes would just open and I'd be wide awake. One of the guy friends that I told has slept next to me sometimes has mentioned it saying how he can feel my body tense up when it gets closer to 3am. The only time when I havent woken up at 3am and fell asleep early was when he held me. Otherwise I have woken up almost at 3am on the dot every single time.
My solution has been to stay up until 3am so I dont have anxiety attacks and I dont think about what happens. This has worked over christmas break as I havent had school. Now that I have school, I'm really losing sleep and i just want to fucking sleep. I'm done letting the guy win because all I can think about is him peacefully sleeping like he did right after anally raping me.
I just want to hear from others how you cope from something like this so I can try it out and maybe sleep for once. Thank you.
|
zao15
| 1 | 0 | 3 |
2020-01-15 07:26:56
|
rapecounseling
|
<es>I want to start this out with that I really dont want to do therapy.<ee> <es>I'm aware that's the best option but I just really cant bring myself to talk to a therapist.<ee> I just cant. <es>I was assaulted beginning of December.<ee> <es>It was by one of my friends with benefits when we were sleeping next to eachother.<ee> <es>It happened between the hours of 3 and 4 am.<ee> <es>Two weeks after it happened, right around christmas, I noticed I kept waking up at 3am.<ee> <es>Exactly at 3am.<ee> <efs>Sometimes I would have verge of anxiety attacks.<efe> <efs>Sometimes my eyes would just open and I'd be wide awake.<efe> <es>One of the guy friends that I told has slept next to me sometimes has mentioned it saying how he can feel my body tense up when it gets closer to 3am.<ee> <es>The only time when I havent woken up at 3am and fell asleep early was when he held me.<ee> <es>Otherwise I have woken up almost at 3am on the dot every single time. <ee> <es>My solution has been to stay up until 3am so I dont have anxiety attacks and I dont think about what happens.<ee> <es>This has worked over christmas break as I havent had school.<ee> <es>Now that I have school, I'm really losing sleep<ee> <rs>i just want to fucking sleep.<re> <es>I'm done letting the guy win because all I can think about is him peacefully sleeping like he did right after anally raping me. <ee> <rs>I just want to hear from others how you cope from something like this so I can try it out and maybe sleep for once.<re> Thank you.
| 2 | 2 | 2 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
fke5yk
|
I just dont care about anything
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
Everything is boring, i dont care about anything, i dont know whats happening inside me but i dont care. Nothing is fun anymore, not even masturbation, what was my last way of feeling good. All i do is sit inside my room and watch yt videos or memes on instagram, so that the time passes faster.(getting any hobbys is harder than ever because i dont care about being good or have a special skill)
Idk what to do,
Any advice?
|
dany_144
| 1 | 0 | 3 |
2020-03-17 22:09:58
|
getting_over_it
|
<efs>Everything is boring, i dont care about anything, i dont know whats happening inside me but i dont care.<efe> <efs>Nothing is fun anymore, not even masturbation, what was my last way of feeling good.<efe> <es>All i do is sit inside my room and watch yt videos or memes on instagram, so that the time passes faster.<ee><es>(getting any hobbys is harder than ever because i dont care about being good or have a special skill) <ee> Idk what to do, <rs>Any advice?<re>
| 1 | 2 | 1 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why nothing is fun anymore
| null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would help you not feel so bored
| null | true | 121 |
eoztx8
|
Good on you guys for finding your DOC
|
0
|
rant
| 2 |
You found a way to make being you bearable, you found a way to keep going despite of the pain you were in. Sure it's not the most optimal way of going about things but if it kept you alive up until right now then it's better than nothing.
Try not to be so hard on yourselves for using, for craving, for lapsing and relapsing. No one bats an eye at anyone who uses a script of morphine when they're battling cancer or just come out of surgery, they're in pain, of course they're using painkillers.
No matter what your DOC is, it's the one that temporarily took away that pain, took the worlds hands off your throat. Unfortunately, in your life in particular it's stopped being functional, which sucks... but it's time to look at working out how to make that pain go away instead of just covering it up.
Maybe this post is directed at everyone else, maybe it's just me trying to comfort myself by thinking through typing, I dunno. My impulsive ass got a strong alcohol craving and withing 4 min alcohol had bought itself a bottle and I'm trying my best not to turn the 5 day bender into 6 😅. Oh well, just keep pluggin along I guess.
|
StickOfGlue112
| 1 | 0 | 3 |
2020-01-15 08:46:23
|
addiction
|
You found a way to make being you bearable, you found a way to keep going despite of the pain you were in. Sure it's not the most optimal way of going about things but if it kept you alive up until right now then it's better than nothing. Try not to be so hard on yourselves for using, for craving, for lapsing and relapsing. No one bats an eye at anyone who uses a script of morphine when they're battling cancer or just come out of surgery, they're in pain, of course they're using painkillers. No matter what your DOC is, it's the one that temporarily took away that pain, took the worlds hands off your throat. Unfortunately, in your life in particular it's stopped being functional, which sucks... but it's time to look at working out how to make that pain go away instead of just covering it up. Maybe this post is directed at everyone else, maybe it's just me trying to comfort myself by thinking through typing, I dunno. My impulsive ass got a strong alcohol craving and withing 4 min alcohol had bought itself a bottle and I'm trying my best not to turn the 5 day bender into 6 😅. Oh well, just keep pluggin along I guess.
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
positive
| true | 0 |
ek797d
|
Why am I so, so bad at being alone?
|
1a
|
rant
| 1 |
I’m living alone at the moment and it’s actually driving me to being really, really mentally unwell.
I’m staying at a friend’s place while he is away.
I just...I just go to food courts just to hear conversation. Just to see humans. I go to different cafes and sit just to not be inside and alone.
If I don’t do that everyday I literally cannot cope.
That can’t be normal?
|
SunnydaleHigh1999
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-05 03:20:39
|
mentalillness
|
<es>I’m living alone at the moment and it’s actually driving me to being really, really mentally unwell. <ee> <es>I’m staying at a friend’s place while he is away.<ee> <es>I just...I just go to food courts just to hear conversation.<ee> <es>Just to see humans.<ee> <es>I go to different cafes and sit just to not be inside and alone.<ee> <efs>If I don’t do that everyday I literally cannot cope.<efe> That can’t be normal?
| 2 | 1 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how being alone makes you feel
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
being alone makes you mentally unwell
| null | true | 210 |
ekocr1
|
Sexual Dreams, Flashbacks in the Shower, Feeling Sexually Frustrated all the Freaking Time, LOUD thoughts
|
1a
|
rant
| 2 |
I just want to have sex, but every time I do, I become this cold unfeeling bitch afterwards or I end up triggered during. I hate this. I feel so terrible. I feel angry that I can’t have a healthy sex life. I’m mad that I can’t sleep in the same bed as my husband. I’m mad that my body won’t come out of survival mode. I’m mad.
My dreams are out of control. If they aren’t nightmares about what happened, they are weird sexual dreams. Like off-the-Wall, kinky stuff. And not the stuff I’m into sexually. I wake up frustrated.
I literally can’t get naked with my mind going “hey, let’s vividly remember waking up naked and how terrified we were.” And is so noisy. Usually my thoughts cease to exist and I am stuck reliving the scene over and over. Today I was able to think during the scene but I was drown out. I kept yelling at the scene that I was OK and in my house, safe. But my mind got louder, there were extra noises going off in my head like lots of dogs barking, train whistles, etc. It was distressing to be aware that I was imagining but not able to pull myself out and to be ignored.
I feel so weird right now and I hate it. I hate this.
|
deeplynugget
| 1 | 0 | 3 |
2020-01-06 03:50:03
|
rapecounseling
|
<rs>I just want to have sex.<re> <es>but every time I do, I become this cold unfeeling bitch afterwards or I end up triggered during.<ee> <efs>I hate this.<efe> <efs>I feel so terrible.<efe> <efs>I feel angry that I can’t have a healthy sex life.<efe> <efs>I’m mad that I can’t sleep in the same bed as my husband.<efe> <efs>I’m mad that my body won’t come out of survival mode.<efe> <efs>I’m mad. <efe> <es>My dreams are out of control.<ee> <es>If they aren’t nightmares about what happened, they are weird sexual dreams.<ee> <es>Like off-the-Wall, kinky stuff.<ee> <es>And not the stuff I’m into sexually.<ee> <efs>I wake up frustrated.<efe> <es>I literally can’t get naked with my mind going “hey, let’s vividly remember waking up naked and how terrified we were.”<ee> And is so noisy. <es>Usually my thoughts cease to exist and I am stuck reliving the scene over and over.<ee> <es>Today I was able to think during the scene but I was drown out.<ee> <es>I kept yelling at the scene that I was OK and in my house, safe.<ee> <es>But my mind got louder, there were extra noises going off in my head like lots of dogs barking, train whistles, etc.<ee> <es>It was distressing to be aware that I was imagining but not able to pull myself out and to be ignored. <ee> <efs>I feel so weird right now and I hate it.<efe> <efs>I hate this.<efe>
| 2 | 2 | 0 | null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you get flashbacks about the incident on being naked
| null | true | 220 |
fb2k4o
|
Can't stop thinking about the past - need help
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 2 |
Hello.
I am writing here because I think that I need some help.Sorry if my english skills are not the best, but that's not my native language.
Basically, my problem is that I can't stop thinking about the bad things I have done in the past and that I always need to talk with someone about it, then I can rest for a few days before I start thinking about it again...
The thoughts are mostly about scams in the internet, because when I was 11 years old I scammed someone for few dollars, and I did it again few more times. Almost everytime it was some low amount, not higher than 5 dollars. The only one time it was \~50 dollars, it was a skin for a video game. I feel very, very bad after doing each of these, and I always felt "I need to give it back" in myself. I did what I could, but there are few situations where it was really hard and I couldn't always give 100% back, but most of the time I did.
What hurts me the most, for now, is that there is a forum on the internet where I had my account registered when I was teenager, and it can be connected to my real identity. There are some "cringe" posts as well, I don't want anyone to find them.
The forum is related in some way to one scam I did, for let's say, 2 dollars. I can't delete it as the account is banned. But my mind always goes there (as I know how to search for it) to think about the scams and I can't stop thinking about it. I have even feel suicidial, because of that.
(+) I am also scared that someone will find this forum and use the old posts to "dox" me in some way. Almost every of my close friend knows about it, and the bad things I have done, but still. For some reason I am paranoid about it, because I know that no one can hurt me using this information. I don't know how to stop it. It is impossible to "unlink" it from my real identity.
Also, there is something inside me that makes me tell everything bad I do to my parents. I don't know why. I don't want to tell them about everything so I have some secrets, but it hurts me. I am also scared of their reaction sometimes - so that's why I can't tell them everything, but they know about few. Their reaction wasn't bad almost all the time, but still, I don't want to tell them everything...
It would be awesome to just be forgotten, and start a new life. I would not do so many bad things. I would not do them now, ever again. I just don't want to be judged by my past by others I think?
What I need is to stop thinking about it. Stop thinking even if there is some smallest "evidence" that I did something bad (the forum I mentioned). Please help me with that. I will read every of your reply and try it. I will probably delete this post, please I beg you to not archive it. I can't really start to "live life", because I always think about the past. I could do so many awesome things, but instead I am wasting my time everyday.
PLEASE, help me. Thank you all.
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PopularJob2
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2020-02-28 22:09:07
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getting_over_it
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Hello. <rs>I am writing here because I think that I need some help.<re>Sorry if my english skills are not the best, but that's not my native language. <es>Basically, my problem is that I can't stop thinking about the bad things I have done in the past and that I always need to talk with someone about it, then I can rest for a few days before I start thinking about it again...<ee> <es>The thoughts are mostly about scams in the internet, because when I was 11 years old I scammed someone for few dollars, and I did it again few more times.<ee> <es>Almost everytime it was some low amount, not higher than 5 dollars.<ee> <es>The only one time it was \~50 dollars, it was a skin for a video game.<ee> <efs>I feel very, very bad after doing each of these, and I always felt "I need to give it back" in myself.<efe> <es>I did what I could, but there are few situations where it was really hard and I couldn't always give 100% back, but most of the time I did.<ee> <efs>What hurts me the most, for now, is that there is a forum on the internet where I had my account registered when I was teenager, and it can be connected to my real identity.<efe> <rs>There are some "cringe" posts as well, I don't want anyone to find them.<re> <es>The forum is related in some way to one scam I did, for let's say, 2 dollars.<ee> <es>I can't delete it as the account is banned.<ee> <efs>But my mind always goes there (as I know how to search for it) to think about the scams and I can't stop thinking about it.<efe> <efs>I have even feel suicidial, because of that.<efe> <efs>(+) I am also scared that someone will find this forum and use the old posts to "dox" me in some way.<efe> <es>Almost every of my close friend knows about it, and the bad things I have done, but still.<ee> <efs>For some reason I am paranoid about it, because I know that no one can hurt me using this information.<efe> <es>I don't know how to stop it.<ee> <es>It is impossible to "unlink" it from my real identity.<ee> <es>Also, there is something inside me that makes me tell everything bad I do to my parents.<ee> <es>I don't know why.<ee> <es>I don't want to tell them about everything so I have some secrets.<ee> <efs>it hurts me.<efe> <efs>I am also scared of their reaction sometimes - so that's why I can't tell them everything, but they know about few.<efe> <es>Their reaction wasn't bad almost all the time, but still, I don't want to tell them everything...<ee> <rs>It would be awesome to just be forgotten, and start a new life.<re> <rs>I would not do so many bad things.<re> <rs>I would not do them now, ever again.<re> <rs>I just don't want to be judged by my past by others I think?<re> <rs>What I need is to stop thinking about it.<re> <rs>Stop thinking even if there is some smallest "evidence" that I did something bad (the forum I mentioned).<re> <rs>Please help me with that.<re> <rsI will read every of your reply and try it.<re> <rs>I will probably delete this post, please I beg you to not archive it.<re> <es>I can't really start to "live life", because I always think about the past.<ee> <es>I could do so many awesome things, but instead I am wasting my time everyday.<ee> <rs>PLEASE, help me.<re> Thank you all.
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