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Confession-Subreddit-Top500

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Post: I used to throw out food so my mom had to cook again
Top Comment: We’ve all done shitty things, no body is perfect. Especially children who don’t know the full context and reasoning behind things.
Give yourself a break. Your mom loved you and I’m sure the two of you had many happy memories that she would want you to be remembering. Sorry for your loss.
Post: Whenever I’m waiting in a line at an ATM on Friday or Saturday late afternoon, I like to joke “just getting that drug money huh?” I laugh, they laugh, Im being serious, we both laugh
Top Comment: Do you ever look at where it says "withdrawal" and think, yeah, pretty much?
Post: Ejaculated on my grandmother's face.
Top Comment: This is the most fucked up thing I've read on the internet in years.
Post: I stopped attending a class, lied about turning in a final and still passed.
Top Comment: Fucking amazing
Post: I exaggerated my daughters symptoms so the doctors would do tests.
Top Comment: Had to do this with myself. I was so tired and couldn't get anyone to take my seriously. So I took my symptoms up a notch, git a few more blood tests and other things, and was finally diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder. Now that I know what's wrong, it's been easier to manage. But if I hadn't embellished a little, they wouldn't have given me the tests I wanted.
Post: I tricked my college professor into giving me a grade on a paper I didn’t write
Top Comment: Humans underestimate above average communication skills. Having a positive rapport with teachers can be one of the most rewarding gifts.
Post: I almost killed myself yesterday
Top Comment: Ok, so now you’ve had a sign, go start the process of getting help.
And give your cat a big hug, furball is looking out for you.
I know the paradox too well btw; depression will make it seem futile to get help, but it’s totally not. Being able to discern your brain chemistry from your situation can make all the difference in the world even before you start formal treatment.
And yes, you aren’t well. And no it’s not your fault, it’s nothing you did wrong. Brains just suck but we’re able to tune them these days thank goodness.
Post: When I was a youngster I lived in quite a dodgy area which ironically resided just opposite a very fancy built up area. I used to set my alarm for 3am and walk over to the nice area where I would use a paint marker to write affordable prices on the windscreens of expensive cars.
Top Comment: People have confessed to murder in this sub, and apparently this is the type of thing that triggers people now. Reddit is a weird place.
On topic - this reminds me of mischief night in Jersey. Except we only did it one night a year, rather than taking it on as a morning side job lol.
Post: I posted fake jobs on internet so I could build my own resume
Top Comment: What's your job now?
Post: I changed a babys name of a mentally disabled woman
Top Comment: I am with the camp that you did the right thing. Thank you. It was an act of compassion
Post: I mercilessly bullied 5 people in high school. 3/5 of them killed themselves.
Top Comment: As someone who was bullied horribly in high school, I beg of you to apologize to the 2 remaining. I was apologized to by my bullys and let me tell ya, it doesnt matter if its 1 year or 30 years, that apology matters so much!
Post: I cheated on my husband with a married man. Which resulted in the break up of both our marriage.
Top Comment: Military couples and cheating on each other. Name a more iconic duo, I’ll wait.
Post: I called CPS on my daughter and she is facing losing custody of her baby.
Top Comment: That was not a fun read and I imagine even less fun to live.
Post: I tricked restaurants into serving me alcohol underage for three years
Top Comment: Ngl thats fucking smooth
Post: Whenever I can bring up the fact that I’ve been through war in an assignment I use it because I automatically get a good grade it’s like a sympathy card
Top Comment: Shit. You’ve been through war. Better upvote.
Post: I cheated on every Spanish test I took in Highschool
Top Comment: Funny, I was so bad at Spanish tests that my HS teacher pulled me aside after a test and said, "Hey Senior...use pencil on your tests". I had no clue why she was asking I do so, but whatever. Next test I came into the classroom and she handed me a pencil, "Make sure you use this!" Again, no clue why but alright. Next day we got our tests back and I got my first passing grade. I looked closely at my paper and it was obvious she erased half of my answer and gave me enough correct so I didn't fail. I looked up at her and she winked. I ended the semester with a C. Later, I would go to college and after 2 weeks in Spanish One my professor called me over and said, "You have a learning disability. You'll never learn Spanish in a classroom. Go see the learning disabilities counselor on this sheet of paper". Battery of tests later and that was the end of Spanish tests for the rest of my life! (Incidentally, I learned Spanish the right way...I traveled to Latin America and got a girlfriend who only spoke Spanish!)
Post: I hide my mother's iPhone charger
Top Comment: She's going to discover the correlation between you being there and her chargers going missing. Lol, science.
Post: When I was 9 I started the biggest fire my town had seen in 150 years.
Top Comment: The biggest thing I did was flood my school, yours definitely tops that lol
Post: When I was a kid, I tried to poison my entire family.
Top Comment: That’s some psychopath shit
Post: I choked out an 8th grader 13 years ago
Top Comment: Sometimes 8th graders need a good choking out.
Post: [Light] I lie to my child every Friday.
Top Comment: My son has issues with holding his poops too long. Doesn’t like pooping so he puts it off as long as possible. Which can lead to long and difficult trips to the bathroom for him when he finally can’t hold it anymore. Wife and I have told him that if he holds it too long it will come out of his mouth. He believes it and it works to make him to go to the bathroom
Post: My family doesn't know I'm graduating this year
Top Comment: Great job. Wish we could see their faces when you tell them.
Post: I tried to terminate my pregnancy the entire 9 months
Top Comment: This is a hell of a confession.
I think you should seek therapy. That's a lot of cognitive dissidence and guilt you're carrying.
You don't deserve to suffer. Wishing you all the best.
Post: (Light-hearted confession here) I recently found out what my brother was getting me for Christmas and ever since then anytime an AD on TV would pop up about it or someone else would have the item I would make comments about how I want one or how cool it looks to make him happy.
Top Comment: A few decades ago I didn't have a lot of money for xmas..$200 for about 6 presents. Somehow I made it work except for the last person, my red-headed older brother who was about 25. I looked everywhere and could not find anything that was the right price and that I thought he might like. I was down to about $30 and running out of time, it was afternoon on the day before xmas. Finally as I was leaving a store i saw a combination electric "beard and mustache trimmer" for about $20 and bought it in desperation and also as a bit of a joke as my brother always had a bit of stubble going because he was too lazy to shave.
Guess who decided, that xmas, to grow a beard and mustache once he saw his present.
Twenty years later I was over his place and saw the trimmer sitting on the sink in his bathroom..surrounded by a fine fuzz of ginger fallout from where he'd been using it over the years. His sink looked like it was growing a red carpet around the taps. I mentioned it to him and he said it was "The best present anyone ever gave me"....which I found kind of bemusing. Sometimes gifts are just luck.
Post: I did heroin for two years when I was 17-18 and not a soul knew except for my dealer.
Top Comment: I'm so glad you got off of it! And it's amazing that you got clean alone. I hope you're in a good place now