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1linejokes

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Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea.
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Nothing spoils the target more than a hit.
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Just remember if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
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We have all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
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It matters not whether you win or lose: what matters is whether I win or lose.
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If Mayans could predict the future, why didn't they predict their extinction?
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I had a job tying sausages together, but I couldn't make ends meet.
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Cancer cures smoking.
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I love my life, but it just wants to be friends
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Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
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If at first you don't succeed, blame someone else and seek counseling.
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It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
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A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
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I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous!
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My taste in men is so bad, the walk of shame for me is when I'm on my way to a date.
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Dyslexic, you say? How do you spell that?
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Talk is cheap. Until you hire a lawyer.
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Introverts have fun too, we just don't care if you know
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We live in an age where mentioning you read a book seems a little bit like you're showing off.
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Life is scary: at least the salary is funny.
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You should argue with your wife only when she's not around.
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I like when flies won't leave my car on long road trips. Have fun moving to Kansas, you tiny idiot.
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The kid drowned. All his mates showed up at his funeral with life jackets on. Because it's what he would've wanted.
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Honesty is the best policy but insanity is the best defense.
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What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? A waist of time.
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