subreddit
string | title
string | text
string | created_utc
string | id
string | alexithymia
int64 | adhd_risk
int64 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
Alexithymia
|
Love and emotional body mapping
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So I realized I had (cognitive) alexithymia as soon as I first saw the word, l've always had difficulty identifying feelings or even knowing I'm having them.
Since then, I've spent years mapping my emotions and have a pretty decent understanding of some of my emotions.
I've also considered myself aromantic (not experiencing romantic attraction) but cupioromantic (enjoying being in a romantic relationship and trying to meet a partner's romantic needs).
I've seen this image around after doing the mapping, and was wondering if anyone relates to it around love. Because I, wait for it, _don't_. I've mapped five different emotions that are all overlapping of that love, and none of them are even romantic attraction.
· Tips of cheeks: the kind of love you have for friends
· Chest: the kind of love you have for close friends/family/partner
· Pressure on fingertips & tear ducts: desire to protect people you love, especially kids or the more vulnerable
· Top/dom lust: do I have to say where? Trying to keep this SFW. 😅
· Bottom/sub lust: do I have to say where? Trying to keep this SFW. 😅
So there's been one person ever that has made me consider I might not be fully aromantic, and given me a potential sixth love emotion. I confess, I think about them way more than other people (limerence?)... and my heart _maaaay_ beat slightly faster when thinking of them. 🫠
But apart from the top three love emotions on my list, I couldn't ever map anything differently. Elevated heart rate isn't itself a mapped emotion, it happens for all sorts of reasons. Ditto intrusive thoughts.
...Except recently, I've had some nasal congestion and it hit me ... when I think of them my sinuses expand and I can breathe better through my nose. I've tried thinking of several other people, and can't seem to reproduce the sinus effect.
...Have I mapped the emotion of romantic love? _Shit, am I *in love*_ with this person? 🤦♀️
Anyone else map separate love emotions? What does _romantic_ love feel like to you?
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2025-04-05T11:03:16
|
1js0yo2
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Love and Relationships
|
Hello.
You can refer to me as Ren.
I am 17 years old, turning 18 this summer. I have been struggling with life ever since I’ve turned into a teenager (around 12-13).
I have diagnosed Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), which is currently treated with esciatloprám (lexapro) and I have extreme symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
Short story about my life;
I live with my dad after my parents divorced at a young age, causing me to develop a need of motherly issues, at a young age I mostly looked around for female friends because they were the kindest and I’m also extremely sensitive. I am also struggling with social life, I’m probably considered a loser by many, and I’m struggling with education since I moved countries a lot.
I’m mainly here to discuss my issues with emotional blunting, random mood swings and sensitivity. Before someone might comment why I am sharing so much about myself even though you are not my therapists I want to find people who have similar issues like me and I might be able to take advice from them compared to therapists who mostly I dont relate with.
I have 3 main things I want to ask since I want to know if others suffer or have the same problem as me.
1. Midday tiredness, whenever I go to school, part time work or even in the weekends, I always feel exhausted and lazy past 1pm. Even if I get a good amount of sleep (which sleep isnt the issue here since I do sleep consistently), I lack the energy to last a full day nowadays and it causes me to nap midday.
2. Random social bluntness; this is EXTREMELY hard for me to explain since there is literally no way I can explain this in a scientific way like a disorder or regular issue. Whenever I talk with others (im an extrovert), I rarely get a feeling of emptiness in my head as if I got a tumor or something? It feels like I randomly turned possessed or crazy, not knowing when to be quiet, my brain feels numb afterwards and it lasts like that for an hour after school when I stop socializing.
3. Emotional bluntness to close ones; the main reason I’m here and probably the only thing this reddit could help me with since its on the topic similarly to Alexithymia.
I do not feel attached to family members, even my own parents, I would rather be alone. I lost care for children, and babies where I even began asking my family members why people find babies cute yet I’m blunt and find them just unamusing. I feel like a psychopath around my family, always being the “odd” one, and my family has this view of being social yet whenever I’m in a christmas, easter or thanksgiving table I mostly just spectate and barely talk due to how little I want to talk with them. It almost feels like a burden being around my own parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, etc.
Thank you for reading, even if you’re not sure if you can give me advice, anything would be appreciated even if its blunt. There is no TLDR since I dont know how to summarize this.
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2025-04-05T15:25:34
|
1js5xem
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Crying without knowing the exact emotions causing it.
|
Hi!
So today i was upset and i started crying. Now i know what made me upset, sort of, but i am not sure what the exact emotions were. Like i can’t even tell you if i felt anything in my body that was intense enough to drive me to tears. There i think was a semblance of an emotion, but nothing too much. And i also don’t know if what made me cry was sadness, frustration, annoyance, or a secret fourth option. Is this something you guys can relate to?
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2025-04-03T16:11:35
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1jqmju9
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Questions on Alexithymia
|
Hello! I hope it is not annoying for me to ask a few questions here. I was just chatting with a friend about Alexithymia and I guess it made me wonder if I am seriously overthinking and manipulating myself to think I have an issue, or do I really possibly have it.
1. I am someone who is often called "stone" back when I'm in school because I'm not someone who shows facial expressions around acquaintances or strangers. I have more facial expressions when I'm with friends and alone. I know I can laugh, smile, frown, rolling my eyes or have my eyes enlarged, but I often do not feel anything in my body beyond that unless it is extreme? So I don't feel "lighter" when I'm happy (on a basic level), but I smile when I see something I like. Based on this, my friend was saying that she thinks I'm overthinking because I can clearly have emotions based on my facial expressions and actions, and that some emotions probably are felt in your head than in your body (I guess like knowing you're happy because you think in your head that you're happy?). I guess my question would be... Is what I'm describing an Alexithymia trait and do people actually feel certain emotions in their body physically (eg. hearts feeling full, feeling lighter) aside than showing some form of facial expressions? Can someone identify certain emotions and yet still have Alexithymia?
2. I mentioned to my friend that I would say "I don't know" if someone asks me how I am feeling or how am I or how I feel about my health illnesses or how I feel about xxx topic. She then replied that I can be quite opiniated when I share them on Instagram stories, but not in real life at the moment, and so perhaps I can form opinions after processing things for a while. She also said that this normal for certain people. So another question is... How does it feel to not be able to describe your emotions and feelings, and does Alexithymia involve opinions other than emotions? Could I just be someone whose brain is just blanked out or lack clarity(?) that I end up not knowing how I feel or could I have some Alexithymia traits?
3. I would watch a scene in a movie/show and when the actor/actress cries I would start tearing up for no reason at all, and go back to feeling neutral after a few seconds. I would also never understand why this happens at all and never processes it. I would never cry when I hear the news of a relative's passing but would never cry until I see someone cry or see their body. I wonder if I think I don't feel emotions because I don't try to understand it and instead throw it at the back of my mind, or could this indicate Alexithymia? My friend mentioned that that is empathy but it feels weird to call it empathy if I'm simply crying without having any thoughts.
4. There are situations when I would get emotionally overload when I get overwhelmed(?) or triggered(?) (I put question marks as I myself do not even understand what I was feeling every time it happens) and I think that not being able to understand the physical sensations and what I am feeling made me do irrational things (eg. pinching myself to feel pain). Does that last example contradicts having Alexithymia because I can be so emotional?
5. My friend mentioned that I could not not feel emotions because it is a human function and I would be a psychopath if I don't feel anything. I think it is wrong but I can't seem to think of words to explain my thoughts. How would you guys explain it?
I'm so sorry for the long post and I hope I conveyed my questions well. My English isn't that good and I hope I don't offend anyone with my sentence phrasings(?)
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2025-04-03T11:17:56
|
1jqfqit
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Do i have Alexithymia?
|
I did TAS20 test and i got 63, i did TEQ and i got 23 and "normal" people have around 45. And on Online Alexithymia Questionnaire i got 128. Does it means i have alexithymia? Is TAS20 and TEQ real?
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2025-04-02T20:50:35
|
1jpzgyp
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
I don’t like myself.
|
Helloo!
Um, so how do i start this?
I have never really talked about this to anybody in my life, and since this is the only subreddit i am familiar with, i am just going to get all of this out on here.
Growing up, and even now, i have always been incredibly attention-seeking. If i saw other people doing something, i would try to do it but better. Or when my sisters are talking to their friends on the phone, i will often interrupt their conversations with jokes, anecdotes, or something else. I often do things that i think others would like, or find funny, or praise me for.
On top of that, a lot of the nice things i do feel performative. Honestly, every good thing that i have ever done feels like it was done so that other people would think of me as a kind person.
I also just feel like everyone around me sees me as a nuisance. Not that they do, i just feel like it. I feel like nobody likes me, that i have no use, that i am a burden on everybody, and the only reason why they include me in things is because i am there and they pity me. I feel like i take up too much space everywhere because of my larger body. I want other people to like me, to want to spend time with me, to let me be useful.
I also just want validation from a certain group of people, so i have carved my entire personalities around what they would like. So when it feels like they prefer other peoples company over mine, i feel the truest form of sadness that i am capable of feeling.
But at the same time, i feel like goldilocks when it comes to my relationships with people. If you try to spend too much time with me i’ll get annoyed, but if you don’t spend enough time with me than i’ll feel upset.
Another problem i have is that i have always longed to be different from other people. Whether that was having a rare eye shape, or having a disability. Now please, don’t think that i have lied about a single thing that i have posted on this subreddit. I have been completely honest about every single thing. I do not go out of my way of self-diagnosing myself with illnesses i clearly don’t have. I try my best to be a truly good person, so i have gone out of my way to be as truthful as i could be with my rather terrible memory. But at times i do feel like i am going out of my way to find symptoms of different things inside of me. I thought, and still occasionally find myself thinking that i might have ADHD, but the “symptoms“ that i potentially have aren’t extreme enough for that. So yeah.
I can’t remember a time where i wasn’t like this.
My brain never shuts up, and that makes everything ten times worse. I am so aware of every single one of my actions, that it would ruin existence for me if my emotions worked normally. Even right now as i am typing this, my brain is telling me that i am trying to convince y’all that i am a good person by telling you how much i dislike myself.
People always say that self-awareness is a good thing, but it can make your life miserable if you don’t know when to stop. I feel like i am not explaining myself well enough, but this is the best i’ve got. All i can think of right now is that i probably couldn’t handle it if somebody left a mean comment on this post, but i need to get his out of my system. I am also using some good ol’ fashioned Magical Thinking to hopefully keep the comments on this post kind.
Now do i have any reason to believe that anyone would leave a mean comment? Yes and no. Yes because, well, this is the internet. And no because every one who has commented on my posts has been incredibly kind. But i can’t help but be anxious. Y’know?😅
As i have said previously, i don’t want people to dislike me. Even strangers on the internet that i will never meet in my life. So yeah.
Anyways, today little anecdote is that i finally got my fake nails, and i have ripped them all off. But unfortunately, the glue is refusing to come off. So return whenever i make the next post to see if i remember to mention if i managed to get it off.
Bye Bye! Hope you all have a lovely week!
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2025-03-31T21:19:37
|
1joehxl
| 0 | 1 |
Alexithymia
|
Telling your partner about your alexithymia/tryin not to ruin the relationship
|
Greetings everyone,
I have a question which is somewhat shameful to ask, probably it's because my ego 😅 but how not to ruin the relationship you are in because you can't comprehend your partners and your own feelings.
I'm into a new relationship 3 months now and I think with the current actions that the relationship is getting colder because I can't show true attachment, and when I try to show it it's like I'm acting because I don't know how to bring it out, should I tell my girlfriend about that ? I'm somewhat anxious that she doesn't understand it and will leave me than😅
I'm not even sure how to ask this sorry !
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2025-03-31T20:07:07
|
1jocqam
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Does anyone also feel a heavy feeling in there chest?
|
Whenever I encounter something emotional, a movie scene, a stranger in a white evening gown, even my own attempts to explore feelings my chest tightens like a fist is closing around it. The weight is so palpable I can’t breathe, but I don’t know what emotion to name. Is it fear? Excitement? Love? When I try to explore these feelings, the confusion tightens its grip. The harder I search for answers, the more the weight of that unknown emotion presses down, blurring the line between overwhelm and numbness. How do you unravel something you can’t even define?
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2025-03-30T11:14:10
|
1jna81q
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Does anyone know what love feels like?
|
Before you read, please keep in mind this is my first post on Reddit ever so I don’t know if I did it right. Thank you.
I don’t think I experience any physical symptoms from love and whenever I ask people about what it is they keep telling me stupid stuff like “It’s a feeling of closeness and connection.” That’s dumb. I can’t understand. I’m in much pain about not knowing the answer so if anyone experiences physical symptoms or they have a more concrete answer then what was provided to me I would appreciate it much. Thank you.
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2025-03-30T06:59:52
|
1jn6w15
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Anyone Else Feeling Something when playing Horror Games?
|
I reccently started to Sometimes rarely feel Something, after 3 years of Feeling absoloutly fucking nothing.And lately I started playing Horror Games (FNAF) and to my surprise when I got jumpscared I felt for 1 second Something, fear I guess. It was Just a glimpse of Feeling fear but that Alone was enouh for me. I liked it. Jumpscares from Horror movies on the other Hand dont make me feel anything.Anyone Else having a similiar Situation?
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2025-03-29T09:06:18
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1jmiate
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Happiness vs. unhappiness.
|
I’ve often found myself being asked if I’m happy, and I think it’s probably because I tend to have a flat affect. Most of the time, I’ve just said “yes” to put an end to the questioning. Recently, though, I’ve begun to reflect more deeply on my feelings and to be honest with myself about what’s happening in my mind. I’ve looked up various definitions of “happiness” and, surprisingly, I’ve ended up feeling even more confused.
While I find my current life to be “agreeable,” I realize that there are aspects that might make others feel unhappy. I recognize that I have traits associated with Schizoid personality disorder, and throughout my life, I’ve often just tried to “go with the flow.” Right now, I wouldn’t say I’m happy or unhappy; I’m simply existing in a state of neutrality.
I’m wondering if this mindset is a sign of alexithymia, apathy, anhedonia, or perhaps a combination of these, or something else entirely. I grapple with whether I should continue saying I’m happy when I’m honestly unsure. I don’t want to bring anyone down or have them think I’m sad, because I don't actually feel sad—maybe I should, but I don’t. In the past, when someone asked how I was doing at work, I would reply “excellent.” These days, I’ve shifted to saying “So far, so good” as a way of trying to be more authentic. It's positive, yet vague, and it adds a touch of humor, especially as the long 12-hour shift begins.
I wonder if anyone else can relate to this experience.
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2025-03-28T20:47:25
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1jm5800
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
For those of you in relationships
|
Do you feel that you need a crazy amount of space from your partner?
What are some strategies you used to make your partner feel okay while also saying “I need time to myself”
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2025-03-27T03:16:52
|
1jkum1d
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Unsure if I have Alexithymia
|
Hello! I am a little unsure on whether I do have Alexithymia or if I am just thinking about emotions in a too logical/technical way (I am so sorry if this question doesn't make sense because I am really bad at articulating my thoughts). I did the Online Alexithymia Questionnaire and has gotten a high score on it (129). When it comes to feelings like anxiety, stress(?), anger and fear, I am able to know I am experiencing this due to the physical signals and this weird "sensation" in my heart. However, when it comes to emotions like sadness, while I would cry when I am emotional but I don't feel something in my heart? I'm not sure how sadness feel aside from me crying. It is the same for happiness and excitement. When I am excited over stuff, I would fangirl and be all hyped up, but I don't feel? anything in my heart. When I see someone cry during a funeral, I would start crying but I don't feel anything too. I struggle to think back on whether I've genuinely sympathise or empathise with someone because I do not really know how I should have felt. I dislike questions like "How are you feeling" because I do not know what I'm feeling. I've never known how it feels to "love" or "miss" someone, including family members and friends; I cannot understand how one should feel to have such emotions. Do these indicate that I could be Alexithymia, or do I just not understand abstract ideas all that well?
I am so sorry if this post is all over the place... I am really struggling with all my thoughts all jumbled up 24/7
Edited to add more details.
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2025-03-26T09:43:33
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1jk7yul
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
what would you want people to know about the struggles with alexithymia
|
I want to write a blog/article about how alexithymia affects individuals. I have a lot of experience with it myself that I would like to share with people but I feel like I might end up making it too traumatizing because I won't realize how upsetting everything sounds.
I want to learn more about different experiences people had in terms of communications, relationships, friendships, ability to act based on morals ethic beliefs vs logic, and everything that you all have struggled with.
if you have something to share that you want people around you to know about, please share in the comments. everything will be anonymity and I believe it would be a good way for us to communicate things that no one else understand
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2025-03-26T03:00:55
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1jk240n
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Does anyone else feel kinda isolated from the online ASD community?
|
Whenever I see other autistic people talk about how it's affected I kinda struggle a little to relate. Hyperfixations are a big point of contention for me, it's such a big thing in the neurodiveregent community. It's an interest so strong it has its own word for it but I've never really had that level of connection or obsession. I don't really think I'm capable of feeling that level of obsession or connection.
It doesn't stop there but it's just there so many "universal" neurodiveregent experiences I always hear about that I often find myself struggling to relate to. Stimming is another example, I've never really felt the need to stimm to calm myself down cause I usually feel calm in most scenarios anyway. Maybe it's just a result of how autism is a spectrum and can manifest in so many different ways. But I just feel like the neurodiveregent community doesn't really acknowledge the Alexithymia side of things and it makes me feel very isolated. Can anyone else relate or am I just being a weirdo?
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2025-03-26T02:02:17
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1jk0ylp
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Everything feels the same.
|
Hi!
For me, every feeling i have ever felt feels like anxiety.
My heart beats faster, i get this nauseous feeling in my stomach, sometime i will feel this aching in my hand. It all feels the same.
The only reason i am able to differentiate between my feelings, is all thanks to context clues.
Is this something any of you guys experience? Lemme know.
Byeeeee!😇
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2025-03-26T00:28:08
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1jjz0yd
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Can someone help me to understand this?
|
First of all, i'm Sorry if i'll made mistakes writing, english is not my first language.
I (F29) asked to an important person for me when he/She experienced love for me (a situation, a moment) but he/She didn't really answered the question. He/She said "i don't know" and then replyied again with something which seems like a thing people always say when someone doesn't know what to Say but they have to answer. Can this person have alexitimia? And can this really reach some moment that "should have been" so important to her/him? She/he Is also impulsive, and maybe She didn't want to think about in that situation...has this ever happened to someone?
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2025-03-25T14:41:25
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1jjkyeb
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Is it even possible to get better?
|
I've been struggling with mental health and trying different therapies for over 6 years.
I have not been able to work much because of my mental health for 1,5 years.
Logically, I understand that getting better at recognizing emotions & sensations in my body is important for my overall wellbeing, that this will help me with anticipating things, slowing down, protecting my boundaries etc. I just have no idea whether it is even possible to achieve that if all therapy boils down to the much hated question "how does that make you feel?" Whether that question is aimed at emotions or sensations in my body, the answer is usually "I don't know."
Trying to build structure & routine to do therapy-related exercises is so incredibly difficult with my ADHD. And whenever I finally manage this, I don't manage to hold on to it long enough for it to benefit.
I am at a point where I no longer know what is self-care: continuing to try of just say "F this", give up all attempts and probably crash when the next big life event happens for which I don't have the tools to deal with it.
I want to have the energy again to deal with life. To spend time with loved ones, have a job, manage my house etc. Trying to build up coping mechanisms takes away energy from all that. But I know that with better coping, I will probably have more energy and function better.
I would love to hear experiences from people who reached a similar point. For the ones who pushed through: did you reach a point where you improved? Are you happy you pushed through? What was most helpful for you? For the ones who said "F this": how was that experience? Did letting go help? Are you happy that you let go?
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2025-03-24T20:29:49
|
1jj11m3
| 0 | 1 |
Alexithymia
|
I’ve got more questions!
|
Hi!
I know that me making posts every few days might come across as annoying, but i just have so many questions, and it is very hard for me to put them all in one post, because if i do that, than it will either be too long, or take me days to write because i keep forgetting things i want to ask.
Okay, so my todays questions are, can you start masking subconsciously. Like i just didn’t realise that i don’t feel emotions similarly to most people because i just figured out how to act like i do. Like i have said before, i am a extremely cheerful person. I am always smiling, and joking around, and laughing. I act excited when i see cats or dogs. I constantly talk about my interest, and the most recent things that i want to try out. I have angry or annoyed reactions to things that are meant to be anger inducing and annoying. But i don’t really feel any of those things. Maybe i feel excitement, but i am not sure.
My other question is if anybody else just relies on their thoughts to do all the work your emotions usually do. Can’t feel love? Well you think about this person everyday, you try to spend time with them as often as you can, get (jealous?) when they seem to like someone else’s company over yours. Don’t want to hurt their feelings, or see somebody else hurt their feeling. Must be love.
Don’t feel happiness? Well you wanted a dog, and now you have it. You wanted too buy books, you bought them, you’re laughing, etc. You must be feeling happy.
Stuff like that. I have seen people on this subreddit say that they don’t have anybody that they care about, but for me, it doesn’t matter if i feel love or anything else for them. If i enjoy their company, i love them. If i don’t like the idea of any harm befalling them, it must be love. Y’know?
Emotions rarely drive me to do things, but my thoughts do. Maybe this is the benefit of having an inner monologue.
Now my list of emotions i think i can feel has either expanded, or decreased. Not exactly sure.
I am a 100% certain that i feel anxiety. I am pretty sure i feel sadness. I mean when i am sad my chest feels heavy and when i cry my throat hurts. I think i feel excitement. Same feeling as anxiety, just in more positive situations. Like this one time i heard Taylor Swift’s music playing in the mall. I felt my heart start racing, but wasn’t sure why. Now i think i feel fear, but i am unsure. I feel my heart race when i trip, or when i get jumpscared. But is that an emotion, or just your body’s response to the emotion you are supposed to be feeling. Unsettled might be something i feel. Is it something you feeling behind your head and on your nape? If so, then i probably feel it. And that is really about it. Everything else i just make up for with my inner monologue and imagination. Something i am aware many Alexithymic people don’t have.
I also often react to things how people expect me to react to them. Like if my sister does something to annoy me, i will act like i genuinely feel annoyed, when I don’t at all. Y’know.
Another thing i want to add here, is that i am a very attention seeking person. Maybe that is not the right word, but i don’t know what else i could call it. If my family is talking to anybody on the phone (with the exception being my father), i always make jokes, make remarks, or share anecdotes to get everyone’s attention. When i was younger, i would often do things that other kids were doing and getting praised for, and try to do them better. Or i’d just try to be the best at things in general. It rarely worked in my favor, but i was always like this.
Maybe it is because i am a homeschooled person who has no friends, have been overweight my entire life, and formed my entire personality around traits that other people, especially my sisters, would like in a person, and the fact that despite that, i am still always too different from other people for them to truly enjoy my company. Or maybe it is just because i am a bad person. I don’t want to keep that last part in, because i feel like i am being manipulative, but i can’t think of any thing else to end that sentence with. I have become super self-aware of everything i do, so now i can’t do anything without my brain supplying me with all the reasons why that makes me a bad person. This sentence also feels like something i am writing to garner sympathy from others. I am mainly adding this in to ask you guys if you know why i am so self-aware. Is it anxiety? Or is it something else? Or is it just the way i am?
Now i know that at this point i just sound like a broken record, but i need to get my thoughts out, and get other peoples opinions on things. I was looking things up and found a few articles on alexithymia that people from my country have done. So maybe one day i’ll get professionally diagnosed, but till then, i will just have to gather as much info as i can, so that when i do go get checked, i hopefully don’t end up wasting my parents hard earned money.
Anyways, todays fun little info about me is that i really like nail art. But i don’t want it done on my real nails because it will be a hassle to take off, sooooo, i am gonna buy press-ons! Wohoooooooooo!
Hope y’all have a lovely week! Byeeeee!😁
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2025-03-22T22:10:54
|
1jhk2pq
| 1 | 1 |
Alexithymia
|
I am quite certain I have alexithymia.
|
I don't feel emotions for the most part. I will occasionally get excited while reading something or petting an animal, but the only way I know I'm excited is because of my hands, arms and jaw flexing uncontrollably. I am also capable of being annoyed, but I don't feel any other emotions.
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2025-03-22T19:55:19
|
1jhh3u8
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
"I" have different wants than my body. What should I do?
|
I often feel stuff like sadness towards not being able to have something or losing something else in my body, but "I" don't feel it. And this sadness is often contrary to what I want. I always try to reach it, to get closer to it, but it always ends up dissolving away and I'm left with "my" preferences.
It's like, my physical feelings want x, but my emotions want y and I don't know what to pursue. I'm honestly starting to think I should follow what my inner voice says ("I"), because it's what I relate to the most when happiest.
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2025-03-21T22:24:05
|
1jgtbg8
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Is this Magical Thinking?
|
Hi!
So recently i read about Magical Thinking on this subreddit, and i was wondering if i have it.
So whenever i am looking forward to something, i always think of all the ways it can go wrong, so that it doesn’t. And it usually works. If I don’t think of all the ways something good could go wrong, than it almost always goes wrong in someway. I know in theory that i have no control over what happens in my life, but i still can’t help thinking this way. Now there are times where this doesn’t work, but the works to does not work ratio is about 80 to 20, respectively.
Another question i have is if this is magical thinking, than is it something that only occurs in people with OCD, or can it happen to other people as well. Because currently i want to just come to terms with every thing going on with my emotions, or the lack thereof.
I do occasionally suspect i might have OCD, but i don’t really know or think i have any compulsions. I also just don’t have intense reactions to my intrusive thoughts, even though they are repulsive.
Now unrelated to every thing written above, but does anybody know if feeling warmth on your neck is a sign of some emotion, or if it is just because of my posture.
Hope y’all have a lovely week! Bye! 😊
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2025-03-21T18:04:40
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1jgn9ie
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
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Affect Phobia?
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I thought I was alexithymic but my therapist this week told me I seemed to have a "fear of affect", has anyone else had this brought up to them or heard of this? Apparently Affect Phobia is a thing. I think there's kind of a conflation of internal and external experiences which was why this was confusing -- internal experiences can also apparently be shut down automatically.
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2025-03-21T15:20:00
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1jgjamg
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
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Has anyone tried EDMR?
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My therapist suggested that i go to another therapist to try EDMR for my alexithymia.
Has anyone tried it? Is it really useful? From what i saw i didnt get convinced.
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2025-03-20T21:31:30
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1jg092r
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Alexithymia and self care/love
|
Hello
Sorry if it's a recurring theme, but I would like to know if there are ways to better take care of yourself when you have no idea what works for you.
So I have ADHD and autism, I'm clearly on the side of anxious attachment style and low emotional permanence, and I'm a extrovert with bad social skills. To go with all of that: alexithymia, making sense but also everything more complicated.
Since I'm a very wise person (/s to be clear), I'm in a relationship with a avoidant autistic person. That means if we want to have the slightest chance at having a sane and positive relationship I really need to work on self care and being able to recharge on my own.
The obvious answer for me would be having fulfilling social interactions, but that is really hard because of the autistic thing. Also there is this idea that it is still counting on others to fill yourself, even if it's not your partner. I have hobbies I guess, but there is always a price to pay (mostly in energy/spoons) that I often don't have when I'm desperately trying to find what to do to get better, and it doesn't really feel so fulfilling either (probably also because I don't notice slowly getting better as much as the rush of energy coming with a good conversation). There is also no lasting output to a hobby, contrary to when I manage to repair something for example. Thing is, "repairing" is not something that comes without big under appreciation of how much time, energy and sometimes money it will cost (yeah, adhd is fun), so I can guarantee that it is NOT a good way to self care, at least if "feeling worse than ever" is not meant to be part of the process.
I think I understand better than ever the problem, but I'm totally stuck on how to ... make something from all of that.
So how do you do something to take care of yourself when you have a hard time feeling pleasure, when the only thing that do clearly work is not/rarely possible, when everything easy seems useless and everything useful feels complicated ?
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2025-03-20T16:48:44
|
1jftenc
| 1 | 1 |
Alexithymia
|
Confusion over emotion definitions
|
I keep finding that I'm getting confused or mixed up about definitions for emotions. Just now, my partner told me being upset is the same as being bothered, but I always thought being upset was a more intense feeling. When I'm annoyed and/or bothered, I think I only know because my gut or my core may start to feel affected in some way, maybe even queasy. When I'm upset, I can feel it in more places, like how my muscles tighten or my jaw clenches, things like that. My body processes are often the only things that let me know what I'm feeling, if I even take the time to notice them (not often). Other than that, my thoughts may start racing or slowing down, or they might turn pessimistic or optimistic. But my body and my mind are very rarely in sync with each other. I think I might have assigned different emotional words to these traits or combinations of traits in a way that doesn't make a lot of sense, and I'm trying to find out if that's common.
UPDATE: This is kinda late, but I read everyone's input and recommendations and they've all been so insightful. Thank you for taking the time to answer my post because it's been a difficult for me to find this topic being discussed on the sub.
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2025-03-20T01:42:50
|
1jfdv9i
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
A bunch of questions, and thoughts.
|
Hi!
1. Does anybody else have that one things that always makes you feel a certain emotion?
So for me, often times if i have a certain reaction to something, the second or third time around i’ll feel nothing. But there is one thing that has consistently made me feel sad and cry. I don’t want to go into detail, but basically I am deeply insecure about the idea that for my sisters i am just a option, while for me they’re my only choice. Y’know.
2. I almost always feel this weird heavy feeling in my chest that i assume is anxiety. Like i feel it so often that i am starting to think i might have to go see a doctor😅. But when i am not feeling that, i feel pretty much nothing.
3. I also often seek out sad movies/tv shows/books, to make me feel something. One thing that i have to realise is that, at least when it comes to fanfiction, if a character feels abandoned or forgotten by their loved one/ones, it will always make me cry. Might have something to do with point 1, but where just going to ignore that.
4. Now i have seen many people talk about how their affective alexithymia developed because of something that happened at some point in their lives. So i wonder if growing up in a somewhat dysfunctional family might have caused me to become this way. I am not entirely sure. Because i don’t have a good enough memory to remember a point in time where i could have potentially felt anything. If i asked my family they’d say that this isn’t the case because i was rarely the one involved in any of the fights, but maybe witnessing so many stressful situations might have messed me up. Now i will say that my situation was not nearly as horrible as a lot of other people on this subreddit, but this is something to think about. For me at least.
5. One of the things i have most trouble experiencing are positive emotions. Like i have felt some form of at least 5 different negative emotions before. Even if they were relatively watered down, i still had something going on somewhere. With positive emotions, all i’ve got is laughter, and my thoughts. I did think that i had anhedonia for exactly 1 minute before reading that to have that, you also need to experience 0 motivation. But as i have stated in my past few posts, i have motivation(drink water every time i write motivation in this paragraph),even if it comes and goes, i still have it.(This paragraph wasn’t long enough to warrant that last parentheses).
6. Sometimes i think about the day my family members might die, and i feel anxious at the possibility that i won’t feel sad enough. That i will cry for a bit and then move on. And that makes me think that what if the only reason i don’t want them to die is because I don’t want to see this scenario take place. My sisters always tell me that my tears come across as fake, which was probably one of the things that led me to this subreddit.
7. I remember the day we got our dog. I remember jumping in joy. I also remember that I didn’t actually feel any of that joy. It was just something that i had seen happen on tv. Another similar incident is from when i was even younger, and my dad got promoted. Once again, i had jumped in joy, and as far as i can remembe, I hadn’t felt any of that joy.
8. I cry so often, but never enough. They very second the moment passes, so do my emotions.
9. I laugh so much, but it is never accompanied by the feeling of happiness.
10. I always hype myself up for things, like “oh i’m gonna go book-shopping, it is going to make me feel so nice”, and then it is just nothing. This always happens, i look forward to things, but they never bring me the same joy that they do to other people. I just want to feel a single nice emotion that isn’t just excitement. Which i may or may not feel.
11. I don’t like children. That is mainly because of how careful you have to be around them. You always have to be nice and act like you are interested in their games, when you are in-fact not. That’s not to say that i hate children. I was once a small child, and i know that i was most likely annoying, but I just don’t want to accidentally hurt their feeling and cause them to cry in that ear-piercing way. I try to be nice, which usually come to bite me in the neck, because that causes the kids to like me. So yayyyyy, i guess. I will still try to play with my sisters children if and when they end up having any. But for now; no thank you.
12. I have a lot of things that i enjoy, though most of them are pretty basic. Music, the kind that people call “basic white girl music”(i am not white). Taylor Swift, some of Sabrina, Olivia, and Gracie. I was super into MARINA back in 2022/2023 (can’t exactly remember which one) but than got kinda tired of listening to the same thing on repeat, and switched over to Taylor. I am looking forward to what is potentially a new album she is teasing. Are any of you looking forward to listening to Cupid’s Girl on Friday?
Since music took up too much space, i’ll have to split it up. Anyways, i like romance films, and horror films. I have been trying to get into other kinds of movies, but i usually watch movies very sparingly, and often just stop watching a movie i had been looking forward to because i got distracted. Wicked it currently on the top of my list. Watched the first thirty minutes and then got up to do something else and lost interest in continuing. I will probably try again at some point. My favourite movie is 10 Things I Hate About You. I really enjoyed Kat and Patrick’s dynami, but found Bianca and Cameron’s underwhelming. That didn’t really take from any of my enjoyment though. My favourite horror movie is It (2017), I just really like the found family genre, and it had a pretty fun depiction of that. I would really like to read the book one day. It is an absolute behemoth.
I have realised that nowadays i can only watch shows to completion if i watch them with my sister, or if they are relatively short. I either lose interest, or start thinking of a different show, that i will also not watch, and than start scrolling through my list of shows i want to watch, feel no interest in any, and then start either scrolling on instagram, or watching a youtube video, which there is a 50/50 chance of my finishing. I have a routine of opening tiktok, going to my profile, pulling up every one i follow, go and watch the newest video posted by the people whose videos i still have interest in watching(which in a list of 50 or almost 50 people is like 5 or 6 people) and then not touch tiktok until the next day.
I have been learning how to properly draw, but i don’t think i am doing it correctly. I am doing what is basically a 30 day drawing challenge, and i am i think about 19 days in, but i am not entirely sure if i am getting better, or if i am just really good at following instructions.
I really like food. Food is my favourite things in the world. Which can be said for most people to be honest. On the topic of food, does anybody else have this habit of comparing the taste of whatever you are eating to something else? Like my sister take it as me saying that the food is bad, but i am just telling them that it tastes like something i have eaten or smelt before, y’know?
I am also super into crocheting. I just started leaning last year, and it has become one of my favourite things to do. I also plan on learning how to sew. Since these kinds of hobbies re practical, my family is a lot more supportive of me. My parents say that once we are done moving, they will buy me a sewing machine, and i am looking forward to it.
I also really enjoy reading, and i have been thinking about going to this one second/ first hand book shop that is near where we are moving to. It was relatively small, but i think that is better than going to a huge book store that is also super expensive.
I really, really like the scent of tea tree oil. My sisters recently got this tea tree based skin toner, and i lover just sniffing it.
13. When it comes to my family, especially my sisters, i get upset very quickly when they start paying to much attention to other people. I don’t think i feel the physical sensations of jealousy, but I certainly cry when that happens. Maybe it is because i literally have no one in this world except for my family. Or maybe there is something else, who knows. All i know is if i feel like my family prefers somebody over me, even if they don’t, i will get upset. My dad said to me that my sisters might choose to pay more attention to other people because they are living in their house, or for some other reason.
But all i can think is that of course they would choose me if i was their only option, but i know that i will never be their first choice with other people in the room, and that is the one thing in this world that can always make me sad(remember when i said i wasn’t gonna get into it?). I know that they love me, but after basically forming a whole part of my personality around traits that i thought would make my sisters enjoy hanging out with me more, it hurts my feeling to see someone who has never put in that effort get that for free.
Why does somebody younger than me get to be treated like they are their friend, while i get lumped in with the 4 year old. And why am i lumped in with the four year old only until everybody needs me to take care of them. Why am i treated like a little kid until they all need me to understand that “the kid loves you, don’t be like that🥺”. And by the way, it was them who told the kid that i would be their friend, i knew that the outcome would be something that I wouldn’t like, but their isn‘t much you can do when you are the baby of the family.
Why is it that the only thing they ever tell people about me is that a) i am the beloved baby of the family (mocking) or b) that i am this shy soft-spoken person. While these are both either meant to be jokes or compliments, why can’t they ever tell people that i am funny, or that i was the one who showed them the show that they love, or that pretty much everything i know is something i learned on my own.
Why do they never talk about how i always go with them to the bathroom because they are scared of going alone. Why do they never acknowledge that i grew up in the same messed family as them. Why am i the one who is treated like i have only seen the sunshine and rainbows part of our family when i was the one who stood there and watched my mother pretend to slit her wrist out of anger during a fight with my dad, thinking that i was about to watch my mother die in front of my eyes. I know that I didn’t have anywhere close to the same horrible experiences as my sisters, but that doesn’t mean that anybody gets to disregard that i had a bad time too.
I know that i sound petulant, and that this is not that deep, but I don’t like it. And also, i am mainly just venting with this one, because even if i say this to my family, which i have, it will either get brushed aside once i have stopped crying, or i will not be taken seriously. I also am just not good with words, so i just won’t be able to get my point across anyways.
I know that i might have just trauma dumped, but that just comes with the territory, probably. So as a treat, i’ll have you know that i also, just like every single person on planet earth, enjoy the scent of petrichor. I also really like Tea, Coffee, and Sweets!
Another thing i wanted to ask, and this the ultimate test to see if anybody read this far, beacuse anybody who has, is obligated to answer my question. Is the book ’Almond’ worth it? Does it have a good depiction of Alexithymia, or does it villainies the people who have it. I know that i probably won’t relate to it super hard, just like I don’t relate to any other book i have ever read in my life, but is it good? If you haven‘t read it, than you can just reply with some variation of “haven’t read the book.” or “I am not into reading.” and then carry on with what ever else you were writing. I just want to know if this book is worth my time.
And are there any other books, fiction or non-fiction,about Alexithymia, that you think are good or helpful. Let me know, and may you have a wonderful day/evening/afternoon/night. Bye Bye 😇.
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2025-03-19T03:14:15
|
1jenqlo
| 1 | 1 |
Alexithymia
|
do you prefer "i feel [insert emotion]" or "i am [insert emotion]"
|
i have always preferred to use the "i am" because every time i use "i feel" it makes me think "then don't feel that". it is like i start trying to gaslight myself into not feeling whatever i am feeling.
i prefer i am because then i can actually start using logic to figure out why i am feeling this way. like i would say (or think) that i am sad and then i will figure out why and what should i do now.
however, if i said i feel sad then i would start looking for ways to not feel that way. like it is wrong.
i don't know if it is because of alexithymia, autism, trauma, ptsd, cptsd, or everything.
i read online that one should use i feel statements more, but i don't like them. i get so uncomfortable whenever i use or even think of saying anything of i feel statements. does anyone else have this issue?
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2025-03-18T16:37:54
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1je9at1
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
How do you form emotional bonds/generally talk to people?
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I have Alexithymia and I was wondering, how do you form emotional bonds with people? I have a lot of friends, but I feel like I lack any form of a real emotional connection. It’s mainly an issue over text but even IRL I find that I struggle to connect with people when it comes to interests or hobbies. Even when I share interests with other people I don’t really find I’m able to talk about it with friends. I like to ask a lot of questions whenever I talk to people, I enjoy learning about others, but after that well runs dry I find it hard to just kinda talk to someone. It doesn’t matter if I’ve been friends with them for years or months.
I don’t know if it’s related to my Alexithymia or maybe it’s just bad social skills. But I just see two of my friends just being able to talk about their own interests in such a natural way. Then, when I want to try and talk about that interest, the best I can muster is asking my friend “What’s going on in the X community lately?” and the conversation doesn’t really end up leading anywhere. It just makes me ask “What am I doing wrong?”
When I describe myself to people, I like to say my vibe is “Emotionally distant father that’s trying his best to understand his kids.” despite the fact I’m only 19. I claim this identity not just because I think I physically give off that vibe, but also because whenever I talk to my friends I can’t help but feel like an out of touch father trying whatever he can to connect with his kids. I like to ask questions, I like to learn what’s going on in their lives, but I just struggle sometimes to ever really move past that. I just wish it was easier for me to emotionally connect with others like how I see people emotionally connect with each other.
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2025-03-18T02:22:40
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1jduq70
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Is it possible to feel emotions like someone without alexithymia?
|
Appologies for the wall of text coming in here.
Ive recently been looking into alexithymia more and I'm pretty sure I have it. I have autism and i knew that that could be connected to a lack of emotions but ive only more recently found out what alexithymia is. I feel like compared to neurotypical people i feel emotions way less. especially when engaging with any type of art. like i'll see people say that a certain album or game moved them and had them crying for 20 minutes after and then i go and play the same game or listen to the album and i feel almost nothing. sometimes i'll get a bit of emotion coming up but i can never seem to feel anything extreme as a recation to any media. that applies to my real life as well, when things happen in my real life i see people around me reacting with certain emotions and i feel like i should also be feeling those emotions but im not. I know that i can feel emotions though. for example. once after playing a game that was supposed to make me feel things, i (unsurprisingly) didnt feel things. then i started to feel sad about that fact. just thinking about how i couldnt feel anything towards this game that was supposed to bring me to tears was the thing that actually did bring me to tears. anyways to get to the title of the post. Is it possible to learn to feel the same way people without alexithymia do? i know you can learn to identify your emoitions through physical sensations and all that but will that ever be the same as how everyone else experiences things? I want to be able to feel the way im supposed to when things happen in my life and to be able to connect with art on an emotional level that everyone else is able to but i have no clue if that will ever be possbile for me. I havent really been able to find anything online about actually dealing with alexithymia, it seems like its all just pages talking about what it is and what causes it.
TLDR: just the title
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2025-03-17T17:22:43
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1jdi83z
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Good things when having alexithymia
|
I was wondering, in what situation was it helpfull that you had alexithymia?
For me, no participation in office drama at work. Because I have no clue what is going on.
I have done a lot of things / trips / activities just by following other peoples ideas. Because I have no clue what I want for myself.
Unable to get angry / upset, had rewared me many times with the statement , “thanks for understanding”
What is your positieve experiance?
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2025-03-16T13:02:51
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1jckyqd
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
I am really confused
|
Hi!
So i’ll just get straight to the point.
I feel like i am too emotional to relate to most people on this subreddit, but too unemotional to relate to most other people. Maybe that is imposter syndrome, (the voice inside my head loves telling me that if i say this then that means i am trying to manipulate people into trusting and agreeing with me more) or maybe i just have a different problem. I also just want to add that i can’t really go to a professional because a) i am a teen and I don’t want my parents to spend there many on something like this, and b) i’m not really sure if people here even know what alexithymia is. So there is that.
I feel sympath, i have motivation to do things and have hobbies that I genuinely enjoy, i always know when i am hungry, or thirsty, or have to go to the bathroom. I cry, and smile, and have some emotions. I have never been told that i am a cold or unfeeling person.
But i also don’t feel most emotions. Sometimes, when i am listening to a song or watching a cute or sad video, i will get goosebumps or start tearing up, even fully shed tears, but the feeling is usually very muted and goes away just as quickly as it came up. I moved on from my dogs death only after half a day of crying. I didn’t shed a single tear when my cat died.
And when a family member had a health scare,my sadness and fear could truly be called performative. I know that i didn’t want that person to get hurt because i care for them, and i also know that i probably was relived when they ended up being fine, but I didn’t feel much of anything. I can’t really tell you if the emotion i felt that day and the day my dog died was sadness or anxiety, mainly because i have a pretty bad memory.
But also because in my head they are one and the same. Right now, i am feeling that weird heavy feeling you get in your chest and stomach, which i think is anxiety. I have this one almost all the time.
I don’t think i have ever felt love for anyone. I know that i love my sisters because i’d rather spend time with them more then anybody else, and because i look for them in every room, but i have never felt an ounce of love for them. And also, is feeling loved a really feeling? Because i know that i am loved, so is that it, or are you supposed to feel something. There was this one time where they want on a trip to another city, and though i did crying for a bit afterwards, i didn’t really miss them in the long run.
Sometimes it also feels like i almost feel more emotions for random strangers on the internet then things happening in my own life. For example, i once saw a video of Taylor Swift performing Long Live at the Eras Tour, and that made me all teary, but when this year on my birthday, my sister got me stuff for sketching, which i have been wanting to learn, I didn’t feel a single thing. I of course smiled and thanked her, and tried my best to let her know that i really liked her gift, but I didn’t feel a thing.
The longest i have ever felt anything, was this one time when we visit some relatives and i had to look after their toddler. Now if it was for just a bit that would have been fine, but it was pretty much the entire time we were there. I couldn’t do anything or go anywhere without the kid following me around. So the entire time we were there, every night i would go to bed crying. I had gone there to have fun and spend time with my sisters whom I hadn’t seen in a while, but instead i was stuck taking care of a toddler. Now i will say that i am a teen, so if i was younger or older, maybe I wouldn’t be so miserable. And when i finally complained to my family, everybody acted like i was being mean for wanting to spend my time touring a place I hadn’t been to in a while rather than wanting to take care of a child.
And guess what. Despite saying that they would take the kid off my hands, they only ended up doing that on our last day there. So there’s that. I can’t really tell you if i felt frustrated or something else, but i did not have much fun while i was there. I was promised food, and visiting bookstore, not being a free babysitter.
That was probably the most emotional i have ever felt though.
I was also a pretty normal kid. Didn’t like going to school at first. Cried when somebody was mean to me, was very possessive of my things. Things like that.
I don’t feel a lot, but my thoughts make up for it. Does that make any sense. Like I don’t feel love, but i think about loving people. I don’t feel happy, but i laugh and think like i am happy. Stuff like that.
I often say things like “That made me happy”, or “I love that”, or “That’ so sad🥺”, but I don’t feel much. Maybe a super muted version of what i am supposed to be feeling, but mostly i don’t have a lot going on in my body.
Whenever i see horrible things happening, i make the correct facial expressions, but i don’t feel horrified or disgusted.
Whenever i see a cat walking down the street, i act super excited, but i don’t feel excited.
Most of the things that i feel are literally in my head. How do i know i like something? I think about it often. I know that i want to go to a bookstore when we move to a new place where they have those, because i think about that every day. I know that i want to knit, crochet, sew, and do a bunch of other things because i think of doing them every day. I also know the things that I don’t like because I don’t enjoy thinking about them.
Also just wondering, is your heart beating super fast when you trip or get jump-scared kind of like crying or laughing, or is that fear?
I am on the surface, very much a stereotypical Pisces, but on the inside i am a very watered down version of one. And that would make me sad if something like this could make me feel the physical sensation of sadness.
This post feels very disjointed, but i hope y’all don’t mind.
I will probably make another post soon enough when i think of something else that i want to say. But for now this is it. I really am at this point using this subreddit as a place to vent, but i hope y’yall don’t mind. I am super grateful to all the kind people who have responded to my last two posts.
Love you and hope you have a lovely week. (Jk about the love you part😁) bye!!🤗
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2025-03-16T16:10:36
|
1jcowiz
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
struggling to find sympathy for people in a text
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for one of my English assignments, I have to choose two poems/texts that we've studied in class about war. but what the problem is, is that I have to express how the text makes me feel, which I know what the teacher wants. she wants me to express sympathy for these people or at least feel something. but when I read the text, I just feel nothing, I know it's bad and I'm not trying to be disrespectful and I know it's a serious topic, but I just don't know what to write down. and that section is worth 8 marks :'(
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2025-03-16T08:13:07
|
1jcgs3w
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
I can’t talk to my mom… (20M)
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I was basically emotionally neglected a a kid… still to this day. Recently a couple of time my mother started talking/yelling a lil at me about what I’m gonna do “in life?” etc etc… she basically ranted to me expecting an answer.
No mind you I do have some plans in mind for what I wanna do. I haven’t tell her this… cus I never do. I can’t talk to her physically… For context, I have alexithymia, probably some sort of adhd and autism. I was a student for two years at a university I had trouble educationally and mentally… it was not looking good for me so I made an active decision to take some time for me and start to figure out what was happening to me (She obviously didn’t take this well). I have since them become able to manage/identify stress and among other things more importantly dissociation. Oh also I don’t have any bad habits or so in case u were wondering… I try to take care of myself as much as posible. I have no violent tendencies.
Also she doesn’t do anything for me in case u were wondering… (Can’t really say she is a mom) I also take care of my baby sis. I know it’s not a lot but I try, and in a weird way I’m more of a parent than her here.
All of this being said… I can’t really say anything to her when she demands an answer or expect me to comply to her orders. I do draw a line here and there when I know it unreasonably and unjust to me.
My question is…
Any of you being physically incapable of talking to your mothers ? Or a similar experience?
Any advice or story is helpful.
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2025-03-13T23:16:48
|
1japrcq
| 1 | 1 |
Alexithymia
|
I struggle to remember my life
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I feel like I can't recall parts of my life like other people. It seems like everyone has memories as they grew up, periods they remember and either cherish or hate, and an ongoing picture of their life. Meanwhile I can't recall childhood memories in conversations or how I felt about things in the past.
I think some of it comes from me not talking about my life to other people, so anything besides major events just gets forgotten. And staying inside too much keeping to myself.
But I've heard that feelings are strongly associated with forming memories in the brain, which made me think about my lack of strong feelings throughout the day. I don't get angry or especially close to people and I feel like that's affecting my memory.
It's like I've closed myself off from my past self and the experiences I've lived are forever lost. I'd be more sad about this but what can I do about it now, you know?
Does anyone else feel like this?
|
2025-03-12T04:48:14
|
1j9bd7w
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Didn’t know I was experiencing crushes until i was 22/23
|
Long story short, I’ve always felt drawn to people and had butterflies, and felt all giddy and excited, that person feeling magical and unreal and just seeing them brightens up my day. Had no idea I was actually crushing until one of my friends explained what she felt for her boyfriend and everything clicked into place. I assumed I just didn’t feel it and what I was feeling was “friendly feelings”. Now that i’m 24 I’m finally ready to start dating after being confused about it for so long.
Anyone else had trouble with this?
|
2025-03-12T06:22:41
|
1j9d97a
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
I Just learned i have alexithymia? How do i improve now?
|
What i learned so far is keeping it simple. "I Like this", "i don't like that". I've seen people mention the emotional chart, I guess i need that? How do i journal for alexithymia? What else can i do?
Let me know! Thank you.
|
2025-03-10T15:49:46
|
1j81r82
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
sharing some success that i am proud of
|
i feel like over the past one year, i have gotten so much comfortable talking about emotions. i remember i used to be scared as fuck whenever someone sent me a text that was even slightly confrontational and them sharing their feelings.
it was so hard for me to understand what i am supposed to be doing at that moment. it was like they sent me a text about how they feel and what they plan on doing and if it bothers me, then i have no clue what is going on. i would get angry, defensive, and confused as hell about what is going on. i would start ruminating, having conversations in my head, begging them to talk in person because at least with immediate responses i am better able to understand what they actually meant and what they are actually thinking (not feeling because i don't understand them verbally).
if i did not like something that someone said then instead of telling them what it is like for me and why i got upset, i would start to convince them to think the way that i think. it became so hard for me to like have a conversation with anyone who shared different views especially in difficult situations (like really difficult ones).
moreover, i am a very mature person for my age, but then people would see my freak out and not be able to understand the emotions that they are describing via text. i am like a very mature 10 year old kid. someone who can take the right decisions (better than most people my age), but will say the most immature or completely inconsiderate things when talking about emotions.
however, now i have been very comfortable sharing what i feel and why i feel. i learned about the neuroscience of autism and alexithymia and how it affects person's way of thinking. i would say with the bottom-up processing style and a lack of theory of mind, i would not be able to even logically understand what they are saying. like we are both speaking different languages. we are not responding to the logical conversations, but throwing allegations at each other. (i know it sounds like i was very immature, but it just a series of conversations that i remember that were like this. out of them, 95% of my actions were quite thoughtful and considerate).
i started to consciously build a theory of mind and started to figure out where people are coming from and what they could be meaning when they are doing something. i would force myself to think from what they know, then i try to understand what they are feeling based on what they are doing.
further, i started to pin point what is causing the stress in me. sometimes, it would be hard to actually figure out what is going on inside me emotionally as i can understand what happened recently that affected me (like back tracking my life - like rewinding a movie and looking for stuff that made me stress out). this has helped me so much express myself while also acknowledge other's emotions.
i feel very emotionally mature now. i was reading a text someone wrote and i remembered how scared i felt when i used to read that sort of texts. i would be scared to death about what is going on because it all just felt like accusations. but i read those texts again and instead of freaking out, i was able to calm myself down and see the emotions described as an opening for me to understand them instead of defend myself.
i know that this is something very hard for a lot of people. i sometimes just forget that people are not doing as much work as i am and get confused when they don't understand my emotions when i describe them - very common when i am talking to autistic people who also have alexithymia. i would have to acknowledge their feelings for them (even when they have not figured them out) before i get a chance to share my feelings because i feel statements don't make sense to autistic w/alexithymia people unless they consciously understand the meaning behind them.
i am still slow with understanding the emotions and actually processing them within me. it is very hard and i still get confued whether what i want to do is logically correct or emotionally clouded. i still make mistakes - a lot of times, but i have gotten so much better, and i do believe that in the future i would get comfortable talking about emotions without getting triggered.
this knowledge feels like such a solid super power honestly. understanding and being understood is one thing that i struggled the MOST with throughout my life, but i see that it is getting so much easier and less scary now.
|
2025-03-10T04:21:42
|
1j7qh8v
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Tw-sh ) why we do it?
|
Tw-SelfHarm
Was wondering if others main reasons was the need to feel anything in the moment? Basically the moment I know my emotions/feelings where non existent I broke for any feeling I could feel.
|
2025-03-10T03:50:58
|
1j7py0n
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Resources
|
My new psychotherapist has brought up alexithymia a few times now and I'm a little overwhelmed by it.
Are there any recommendations on resources that you would advise to read. I am also dignosed Autistic and ADHD. I have listened to a few podcasts and tried to do some reading. I have this fear of reading misleading information and being mislead and not getting a correct understanding, especially from a neurodivergent viewpoint.
I'm really courisios to learn more about the terms "feelings" and "emotions" and how these actually differ. I will feel tired or anxious....but I'm learning that these are not emotional states and I'm a little confused overall. Like do people always have an emotional state?
Maybe there is a list and I just havnt seen it, sorry of this has been asked a lot before.
|
2025-03-09T20:39:42
|
1j7h2y6
| 1 | 1 |
Alexithymia
|
I don’t feel hunger
|
I’m 35 years old and I’ve never felt hungry. I was anorexic as a teenager (5’8” and 90 lbs). Thankfully I have maintained a healthy BMI as an adult, but nonetheless I have a terrible relationship with food. I’ll regularly go 24 hours without eating. Every once in a while I’ll feel faint and lightheaded and realize that I hadn’t eaten in a long time, that’s my only indication of “hunger”. I do love the taste of food and I enjoy eating it, but I hate cooking and often just can’t be bothered. Sometimes I’ll eat just one giant meal in the day. Sometimes I’ll snack all day but not have any meals. Some days I’ll have three giant meals and 6,000 calories. I have no food-related routine or schedule. The idea of consistently eating a portioned breakfast, lunch, snack, and dinner is absolutely baffling to me.
Anyone relate?
|
2025-03-08T19:53:33
|
1j6peci
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Life is hard when you don’t care
|
I feel like the measure of my value as a person is just defined by how much effort I am able to expend and how much pain I am able to endure.
There was a certain point during highschool where I just sort of decided that life didn’t have anything meaningful for me and I wasn’t going to enjoy my life so I need to move through life without meaning and without enjoyment. It’s depressing but this was a positive turning point in my life. Once I stopped expecting too much from life I stopped suffering from it as much.
Now I am a university student doing relatively well for myself. However I struggle to fulfill my obligations to myself and to others. I just don’t care that much. I especially struggle with “pointless” activities (things with no practical value) like socializing, it’s not that I’m bad at it I just don’t really care or relate to what other people are feeling. I feel like living my life is a completely selfless act, I have no interest in it to be honest I’m just here for other people.
|
2025-03-07T02:40:48
|
1j5daj2
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Do any of you have trouble recognizing that you've hurt others or apologizing?
|
Just to preface: I'm autistic but alexithymia has never been one of my big symptoms. I think my fiance struggles with it, but she's still a lovely person who would do anything for anyone (and over apologizes because she assumes she's done something wrong when there's nothing at all the matter).
I was just wondering if alexithymia may cause people to either apologize preemptively because they can't tell if someone is upset with them or whether one may swing to the other extreme and refuse to believe there is a problem at all. I have two friends that show strong symptoms of alexithymia and any time any of us feel hurt by their behavior, they cheerfully explain why we shouldn't be upset in a way that makes it seem as if we're silly for feeling bad about it. I always end up backing off and apologizing for making a big deal out of nothing, even when I'm not. Right now I'm in a bit of a fight with one of them, but she explains that she isn't actually upset while giving me long monologue texts about every minute thing. I don't think someone who isn't upset would feel compelled to go on and on explaining themselves like this (speaking as a chronic over explainer). A lot of the texts boil down to "if other people have a problem with my behavior, that's on them, they need to stop projecting stuff onto me because I'm fine and don't have a problem and you guys need to sort out why you're all so emotional" despite the fact that we're all normally fine, she's the one who claims to be logical and rational but then starts sobbing loudly and picking fights every time she's drunk. I also wondered if alexithymia might cause one to not be able to pick up on their own emotions to the point where they can only feel it when drunk so it comes out as an explosion? I've seen this a lot in traumatized autistic men so I'm not unfamiliar with the pattern.
Not trying to blame or bash her or her boyfriend, I want to understand the roots of this so I can help more if the issues come up in the future. I'm not her therapist so I'm not going to try to help her sort through this, but if this is an undiagnosed alexithymia thing I want to know a better way to deal with it rather than just feeling resentful and unheard. I know my symptoms can be challenging and I value people who tell me gently ways that I can do things more effectively, so I always assume that others are equally as receptive but that doesn't seem to be the case. I also wonder if this may be interacting with their really extreme rejection sensitivity with their ADHD. Does anyone have experience having both alexithymia and RSD? What's that like for you? How do you cope?
One last question: Have any of you with these symptoms been in a relationship with someone else with the same ones? How did that work for you? It feels like my friends are a bit of a powder keg as it is and I wondered if it can be better in the short term to be in relationships with other people with alexithymia but it might go bad long term as problems arise because you both have trouble identifying the cause?
Genuinely this comes from a place of care, again, because my lovely fiance shows many symptoms of this as well and it's generally not hard for me to accommodate. I just want better insight into my friends so I can be better at accommodating more obvious presentations in the future.
|
2025-03-06T02:05:25
|
1j4knj4
| 1 | 1 |
Alexithymia
|
Feeling despair ( relationship with a girl who has Alexithymia )
|
- [ ] Hi everyone My name is H i just came across this reddit forum so i thought id write a little about the situation between me and my girlfriend well former girlfirend she had Alexithymia and autism we have been together for about one year she is in her final school years and i just started truckdriving and at the moment i feel a kind of deep hopelessness in our relationship and how it has all shifted so fast recently has been a very turbulent time between us to give you a sort of perspective she blocked me absolutely everywhere by now, i wouldnt be able to reach her even if my life depended on it and up untill yesterday i could only reach her through whatsapp. We have had our fair share of fights and arguements during our relationship but we have allways managed to come through in the end and i genuinely love her more than anything and as you guys probably understand it takes a very special type of mind to love someone so much who in turn is pretty much in most cases incapable of showing love towards you? In this case she being unable in most cases of showing me love. Through our relationship ive mostly been able to handle her alexithymia and autism relatively well and ive never blamed her for some of the things she has said and done to me because i recognize that it is not allways her speaking her mind but her instincts for the moment, lately we have been seeing eachother less and less and it has hurt me deeply and with us seeing eachother less and less i also feel like ive lost my ability to handle her, today our relationship is unrecognizable from what it once was and i hate to think of this as simply a sinking ship and a point of no return but with no way of reaching her i fear the worst, that this is how things will remain for ethernity. Im in no way or shape a perfect person i have had my problems and still have i battled a drug addiction which influenced our relationship negatively but have been clean for several months now so i recognize that some of my own actions have in turn driven her away from me i get that but it feels like im only viewed for my mistakes and that our good and wonderful moments simply never happend in her mind? We have broken up several times and most recently during our conversations on whatsapp she was quite open with that she misses me and so forth and so forth she gave me every reason to believe that this could be fixed but upon meeting her acts in a way like she is just using me sort of like a psychopath would but i know she isnt one and this isnt the first time it has happend ive allways tried to tell her that ” the grass isnt greener in the neighbors yard ” meaning that no matter what we do go through together the alternative to us wont be any better snd i firmly believe this, she has on multiple occasions said that guys never take an interest in her and avoid her and it seems to me that any other who would take an interest in her simply would do it to use her in their own twisted ways and take advantage of her she has allready described instances before when guys have tried but so far she has been spared that experience. She says that our good moments are only temporary that she cant experience love with me which is kind of shocking for me because it comes across as delusional and a total opposite of what our relationship has consisted of and i cannot help but feeling extremely worried of what is to come because she really does not have much of any real friends besides the people she hang around with in school and that she feels lonely but if thats the case why would one push away the only person that has done nothing but the very best for them? She seems to be so convincef almost fixatez with the idea that a relationship with someone else will be so much different than ours or that it will somehow be a magic cure of somesort when it most likely wont be anything other than a dissapointment and result in heartbreak on her end but i cant help but wonder if she ever would infact be capable of realizing that i was right the whole time if my predictions come true? Or will it simply be a spontaneus thought that fades away before she repeats the same thing again in hopes of it being different? I have so many questions yet so few answer and this bothers me more than anything i have ever faced in my life mind you i burried my mother only a few years back and this burden weights me down far more than that of the loss of my mother, i dont know what im expecting from writing about this here maybe hope maybe clarity it all seems so distant. Perhaps my mistake was thinking she ever could be capable of love? For all of you who struggle with alexithymia this is my experience of being in love with someone who has it. I wish you all great health
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2025-03-04T07:12:04
|
1j358mi
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
How do you show sexual interest?
|
Hi, my partner and I have been in a long distance relationship for over a year. In a week I will be finally moving in with him!
However, my partner has raised concerns about my interest in sex and how he feels that I may not show interest in person as I don’t really show it over the phone very well. He also suggested I might be slightly alexithymic and after some research I think I agree. His concern about possible alexithymia didn’t arise from this issue, but after some reading I realised it can play a big part in sexual relationships. I have tried reassuring him as much as I can, however I’m just awful at showing interest.
I’m definitely not asexual or aromantic. I love my partner and I am interested in him sexually. The relationship is overall healthy and my libido is good for the most part (other than when I struggle in deep depressive episodes). I just don’t really understand when and how to express these feelings?
Something stumps me about expressing the interest. I know it’s there but obviously my partner can’t read my mind. I think during long distance it’s because I struggle a lot with giving verbal cues. In person I think it’s going to be easier as I don’t have to depend on verbal and can use other ways of initiation.
I guess I want advice on how to initiate intimacy/sex/interest with your partner! What helped you etc. And how help reassure him that I am interested?
|
2025-03-02T15:46:28
|
1j1tr11
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Had a breakthrough
|
I finally developed the language to say what's happening. It is: My brain developed a block preventing me from fully having emotions, so it goes the only way it can go. Physically. My brain remains unemotional.
And here's the breakthrough. I'm suffering from cPTSD. I process it via listening to specific music on repeat to relive the sensations of it. That I should stop doing tbh. I'm not sure.
The breakthrough is, when I'm feeling a symptom, I focus on treating it physically. Because it does only come up physically. I was feeling extremely... Physically tired. And as a result, frustrated. This stemmed from the cPTSD. My treatment: drinking coffee. I feel better now.
|
2025-03-02T03:15:22
|
1j1hc31
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Typical calming down strategies don't work
|
I can't fully feel emotions. When I have intense fight or flights, or the intense intuitive "I'm in fucking danger right now," there is nothing I can do about it.
There is no "take deep breaths" remedy that works for me. I'm able to feel fight or flight while also being purely logical in my brain. It's like being sick. Being able to operate normally while my body is getting hurt from the intense fight or flight response.
|
2025-03-01T07:01:34
|
1j0tp9e
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Feeling emotions regarding particular subjects, and seeing that what I feel about other things is complicated
|
Recently I reconnected with enthusiasm about ocean liners. That involved facing intense but vague psychological pain about something, and seeing what is behind it. That unlocked memories of how long ago my father shared his enthusiasm about ocean liners, and how he said we would cross the Atlantic once that way instead of flying. That never happened, probably because my mother was strongly opposed to it.
Then, just as I took a look at related subreddits, I saw that one of the last few remaining big ocean liners, the SS United States, was on the move to be prepared for sinking as an artificial reef. I felt sad about that.
I almost never feel clearly feel particular emotions like that. So, this is surprising and in some ways precious. I also felt sad about how my father stopped having that kind of enthusiasm, maybe due to bad experiences with my mother. Shortly before he died, he told me that he died long ago because of those bad experiences. I can also feel sad about some of that. Slowly losing him emotionally long ago seems to hurt more than his actual death.
Tonight I was watching a live feed of the SS United States being towed past the Port of Miami. A bit of tears came to my eyes, though not to the point where it was like I was crying and tears were dripping. I then remembered my father telling me about when he spent a short time in Los Angeles for training for work, and saw the Queen Mary. It's like that memory was somehow unlocked, and as part of that I was able to remember the positive emotional attitude he communicated along with the story of his time there. Those memories are associated with a very different and probably much healthier mental state.
These experiences also seem to provide a bit more insight into my current state. It's not like my life now has a clear emotional narrative and I'm unaware of it or unable to make sense of it. Instead, it's more like an orchestra with instruments making various different sounds that together don't seem like music. Feeling a clear emotion is like that orchestra properly playing actual music with clear emotional content.
When that is not happening, trying to force myself to make sense of what I'm feeling overall seems wrong. Maybe the most I can do then is to say that some part of me feels some feeling. Though, another part can feel something else at the same time.
|
2025-02-27T01:13:56
|
1iz3sqk
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Not all alexithymic people struggle with naming their emotions
|
I see a lot about "those with alexithymia struggle naming their emotions." While yes, this is a part of it and us called cognitive alexithymia, what about those who feel literally no emotion?
I realized I can't actually feel emotions like at all. It's all instinct, intuition, and logic. I did bad things in the past cause I couldn't feel. It was only when I got a logical framework of how to act that I got a sense of duty and acted like a good person typically should.
My kindness is duty driven, and not wanting to make the world worse (because... Why,).
I'm tired of seeing this being described as a lack of awareness of emotions. This is assuming we *have* emotions. Is the idea of some people having no emotions such a hard pill to swallow?
I'm not "unaware" of my emotions. I just don't have them... Except for the fight or flight response. Which is all physical anyway and could be interpreted as anything.
I know this is called affective alexithymia. But it gets no attention, perhaps because it is indeed hard for people to accept that some people feel no emotion.
|
2025-02-26T07:27:19
|
1iyi2og
| 1 | 1 |
Alexithymia
|
Does anybody express emotions even when they don’t have to?
|
First of all, i just want to say that English isn’t my first language, so if write something that is incoherent; I‘m so sorry😅😅
Anyways, Hi!
What i mean by that is that whenever i am reading a book, or watching a tv show, i will always be smiling and laughing and have really exaggerated reactions to things, when I don’t really feel any of that on the inside. It is practically instinctual at this point.
Is it just because all this time i have been thinking that i feel emotions normally? I think that might be it.
But i am gonna post this anyway, just as a way to connect with people and to get y’all’s insight on stuff. 😅😅
|
2025-02-26T11:05:49
|
1iyl27d
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
I feel like i may have alexithymia, but i still feel a few emotions
|
So i have been suspecting this for quite a while but i am still unsure.
I can feel maybe four emotions, and thats about it.
Anxiety, Excitement and maybe sadness.
All other positive emotions are non-existent. I am good at acting like i am happy. If you were to ask a single person who knows me, they would tell you that i am an incredibly cheerful and talkative person. I am always smiling, and joking around. It has gotten to the point where when i am not smiling, people start asking me if something has upset me.
Another thing is that i am a super empathetic person. Something that the Embrace Autism alexithymia test asks you is if you have a hard time understanding someone’s emotions. And for me that is a big, fat, no. I have never, as far as i can remember, had a hard time understanding other peoples emotions.
But on the inside, i can’t remember a time where i ever felt genuine happiness. I can laugh sincerely, i often do. But the laugh is the only tangible sign i get that i am feeling a good emotion.
Even the emotions i do feel, i feel them often but not alot. When my dog died, i showed signs of sadness for only a day. Every one around me was in a melancholic mood for days, and here was i, back to feeling absolutely nothing.
And then there was a time a family member had a health scare, and my sadness and fear felt almost forced. Like i was crying but only barely. And when everything turned out to be okay, I didn’t feel any real relief. I just know that i was because i don’t like the idea of losing this person.
I only realised that i felt excitement after somebody on this subreddit mentioned that they mistook anxiety for excitement and that made me realise that i had been doing the exact opposite thing.
Anxiety is definitely the most prominent emotion that i have. I feel it all the time. The weird feeling in my chest and stomach, the slight ache in my hand. All of it.
I almost wanted to put guilt and regret on here, but i don’t really think i feel anything with those. They are more like ideas to me, like oh i wish i hadn’t done that, or i hate that i said something that hurt somebodies feelings. Accompanied by the same feeling that i get when i am feeling anxious.
I have also never really felt angry. I have had outbursts and tantrums, but they always feel forced. Like i am acting angry or irritated.
My OAQ-G2 results were just a bit lower than the threshold score the first time i took it, and the second time it was either exactly the threshold score, or a bit higher. I can’t really remember.
Right now though, i think i‘m either excited or anxious, can‘t really tell.😅😅
Hope you all have a lovely day, afternoon or night.😊😊
|
2025-02-25T22:03:31
|
1iy789a
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Anyone have book recommendations?
|
I’m actually losing my mind more and more everyday, so books to help me understand why or to stop it would be appreciated. I am broke so free books or books that have ripped and uploaded to internet are very welcome
|
2025-02-25T17:12:31
|
1iy04mk
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Is this what I have had this whole time?
|
Hello, I’m sure this is going to turn into some kind of rant or something but you can’t blame me as it’s midnight my time. I will try to make this somewhat short and to the point but we shall see.
I have had this problem for as long as I can remember, this feeling of no feelings I guess? I’v had a few relationships (m late 20s) but I wouldn’t say I liked any of them, they just told me they liked me and I went with it and didn’t want to hurt their feelings so I just kept it up? I have never really enjoyed spending much time with them, I think being alone is pretty cool and more enjoyable but I do like sex don’t get me wrong, I actually really like it most times but don’t care about any of the other relationship stuff.
I have this girl right now who really likes me, loves me actually and I said it back but I’v never gotten that “butterfly” feeling or whatever in my stomach or care to see her much. We had a talk with her one day when we were together about what goes on in each others heads, she talked about all these feelings and thoughts and how her head is always so loud… I honestly just think about nothing, my head is empty and I don’t have random thoughts or worry about stuff and she doesn’t believe me. I’v made her cry time after time and it just doesn’t affect me to see her cry, I’v fallen asleep many times during arguments in bed with her even, kind of funny looking back at it.
I’m not really sure what to do about this or who to go talk to or whatever, she said I should go see a therapist but I don’t really see what that can do for me and I’m not going to give someone money to try and get me to yap.
Anyways just tonight I decided to google how I felt or lack there of and found this and checked some of the posts, some didn’t seem to relatable and other memes made me laugh at how accurate they were.
I do find stuff funny and I enjoy making people laugh at work and I sometimes watch sad videos to try and feel sad but sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t.
Anyways sorry for the very all over the place post, who knows maybe you enjoyed the read or maybe you think i’m retarded lol. Just thought i’d make this post and see what you guys think.
|
2025-02-25T05:10:18
|
1ixnbip
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Can't feel emotions
|
When I do, it's only physical. And it's rarely ever big enough for me to even notice
I'm going through something horrible and it's taken a toll physically. It feels like I'm physically sick and just... No.
I been having nausea, fight or flight response, physical weakness, loss of appetite, and dropped a few pounds.
Mentally I'm the same as usual. Just logically aware of how dangerous my situation is. But I feel physically sick. But mentally I'm fine.
Had to vent.
|
2025-02-24T01:47:30
|
1iwqmff
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Started tracking emotions led to emotional dream.
|
I started tracking and putting names to my emotions yesterday and had a dream last night full of feelings. I don't remember what exactly the dream was about but I was feeling different things intensely.
|
2025-02-23T13:38:47
|
1iwac21
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
-- Sharing - I feel very odd, starting to wake up from emotional numbness...people are different, my take of dogs us different (they terrified me before)....
|
--
I have lived my life with preverbal freeze / numbness that shutdown a lot of my emotional awareness, which i appreciate likely saved my life
Now as i finally have found a modality that helps me out of it, at 42, its a very odd sense and scary, but a big bit is realising that everyone else have lived this felt way in the world
I also, realise how my responses to things and in particular emotional shares has been horrible. I was raised by very narcisstic people and i now see i took on some of that defensively
I feel i am learning things a 3 to 10 year old would naturally learn maybe through relational trial and error but i just couldnt really see others in so many ways, the rushed adrenalised way of coping as a defense but just this blindness to life
A way i find this most interesting, as a parallel, i have feared dogs my whole life, i feel its my mums fear i adopted but i also had a couple incidents, but now, i see why people love them, i watch Rocky Kanakas videos and they reflect back the pain and fear in my system as i see the similarity of that scared dog with my own scared shutdown inner world, and i feel them and me, i feel a bonding sense with a dog now some time in future, albeit some fear to still go. I guess i am seeing them as a whole now and not just as a terror
Rambling so i stop
Hope this resonates
|
2025-02-22T11:47:26
|
1ivh0cs
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
How did you guys decide what you wanted to do for a living?
|
So I'm not sure if this is actually because of Alexithymia or not but I have never found enjoyment in much. There are some things that bring me joy but none of them are careers. I failed out of homeschool (yes that's possible) because I just didn't do any of the work so I have basically no education, and every time I try to restart it (I'm 19 now btw and my academic knowledge is like a 9 year old's level) I just end up not doing it again partly because it's boring and my brain rejects it and partly because I have no clear goal of WHY I'm doing it. Ive tried and tried for years to find something I enjoy doing and could do for the rest of my life but it feels nearly impossible for me to be interested in something and actually impossible for me to follow through with that thing.
So basically my question is how did you guys decide what you wanted to do for a living?
Did you have a hard time finding interests?
Although I am asking these questions hoping to better my situation your comment doesn't have to be helpful to me or anything. I just want to hear your stories.
|
2025-02-21T23:28:32
|
1iv50kv
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
I like a boy who suspects he has Alexithymia
|
I like a boy who suspects he has alexithymia, I have generalized anxiety disorder and I feel everything very strongly and emotionally, in addition to being intense. I want to try to understand and help him understand himself. I would like some tips for a possible relationship.
|
2025-02-21T06:53:18
|
1iuku7i
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Is Alexithymia a symptom or a cause of other mental issues?
|
I think I have mild alexythemia traits but they only show up after huge OCD episode or general stressful event.
Is Alexithymia a broad enough thing that it can be affected by neuroticism?
Is it more of a symptom or a full blown disorder on its own?
Can improving stress or anxiety reduce alexythemia traits?
|
2025-02-21T04:33:35
|
1iuijgt
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Is sexual dysfunction due to Alexythemia treatable?
|
I heard one common symptom of alexythemia is sexual dysfunction.
I had problems with sexual dysfunction due to OCD and anxiety and I'm freaking out if Alexythemia is a thing that will stay with me and not allow me to have proper sex life.
If I improve Alexythemia symptoms,can my sexual dsyfuction also go away?
I'm so worried
|
2025-02-21T05:02:44
|
1iuj1zv
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Kids books
|
My son is 6 and his OT has started working with him to understand his knowledge of emotions because it has become clear that he has little interoception. He has ADHD and is being reassessed for Alexithymia and ASD.
He is super smart and has figured out that he may feel the world differently than other kids, couple this with realising he is colourblind and that he actually sees the world differently. We can tell that is trying to process what is going on because his sleep is disrupted and he is dysregulated.
What advice do you have in how to make him feel secure in himself and do you have any kids book recommendations on Alexithymia? He responds really well to books.
|
2025-02-20T10:11:50
|
1itv8wg
| 1 | 1 |
Alexithymia
|
Chatgpt brought me here
|
I'll search in the sub reddit to see if anyone "cured" it, but I've been told that I show signs of being on a spectrum, so maybe this is what I'll just live with.
|
2025-02-19T21:41:56
|
1ithhj0
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Would you be able too..
|
Would someone with this personality trait be able to…
… lay in bed next to someone they have withdrawn from and broken up with, and still be comfortable
… disregard another persons emotions because they do not want to feel responsible or guilty for hurting someone.
… move on quickly with another person before they ever completely leave the last one.
…understand why someone with emotional awareness would need more space from them so that they can heal?
|
2025-02-19T12:11:07
|
1it40s3
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
i think i might have alexithymia
|
i think i dont have minor feelings, ive always felt as if i wasnt an emotional person but as of the last few years ive been feeling less and less for example two months ago i saw my sister for the first time after a year and i felt nothing i didnt even miss her the year she was gone, i even lied to her about it. there are a lot of moments like this in my life do you guys think its possible that i have alexithymia?
|
2025-02-18T20:25:04
|
1ismntz
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Can you be highly emotional and have alexithymia
|
Hello I'm an autistic female who has stumbled across this term. I did a couple of online tests and the results were either just below or just above the threshold of alexithymia. I would say I am a sensitive emotional person, with a caring disposition. I am an ENTP but close to ENFP. I am a very logical person, a scientist by education, but I also enjoy history and art.
I sometimes experience so much emotion, I can't differentiate what is going on. I often fail to describe my feelings, above words like happy, sad, depressed, frustrated. My emotions are often complicated and I feel many things simultaneously that seems to coalesce as a feeling of unease.
I tend to intellectualise everything and try and explain to myself the roots of my feelings, even going as far as social constructs. "I am upset because I cannot do anything against the inherent unfairness of (x) system" rather than I feel personally attacked.
Does anyone else relate to this experience or do you think this is autism only and not alexithymia?
Thank you for reading
|
2025-02-17T18:49:22
|
1irrefz
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Just found out about this - have some questions
|
Hello everyone, I'm a 22 year old male who has been struggling with emotions/regulation for as long as I can remember. I have no clinical history of mental health issues (have test/deadline anxiety that makes me nauseous and throw up - and have had a major depressive episode coupled with suicidal ideation ~6 years ago).
I have recently scheduled an assessment for adhd with a psychiatrist following some recent struggles. This has led me to research things such as emotional dysregulation. I'm really prone to negative emotions, and those feelings/states last for weeks, even months as I ruminate over the trigger.
Positive emotions have always been a transient experience for me, I only feel them/ride the high for a few minutes to max a few hours.
Something that really perturbed me recently was that I seem to struggle to feel the appropriate emotions in situations where I KNOW I should be feeling as certain way. For most of my life I assumed I was just "cold" or didn't care - but last year I was pretty sad around my birthday because a number of people I was expecting to remember actually forgot. Shortly after, I had one of my friend groups plan a surprise party for me, and even though nobody had ever done anything like that for me and they were directly addressing what had made me upset, I felt nothing. No joy, no appreciation, it was just like a regular hangout to me. Made me feel really guilty.
Is this something people here can relate to? Does anyone have any advice?
|
2025-02-17T01:44:09
|
1ir8k7d
| 0 | 1 |
Alexithymia
|
Why now...
|
I'm so confused. [But if quick background, I was adopted by a preachers family at 8 but was fostered by them of years before and only knew them as my parents]
My whole life I've not felt anything emotionally. At a young age (around 10-11 maybe) my grandpa died and I laughed! I wasn't thinking it was funny and I just had a huge swelling of something inside me that was loss. I didn't want him to be dead at all. I ended up just having no emotional feelings at all. It was just how my body and mind reacted. I got my ass beat for laughing. My dad was so mad. I tried to explain to him I didn't think it was funny. But he didn't care. That Bible beating preacher of a father was not ever going to listen to me. And he never did. I knew then that I had to start faking my reations to everyday situations. I learned really quickly that I had to react to certain situations s certain way and not how my mind and body wanted to react. Eventually and rather quickly I just didn't feel anything and I got damn good at playing the part society expected of me in most all situations that would need some kind of emotional reaction.
I have no love for my adopted family at all. I was reunited with my blood mom and family in 2016. I did have sort of a bond with her. We had a good relationship together.
She died in Valentine's day.
I cried for the first time ever. I couldn't stop it. I don't get it I don't understand what is going on in my mind and this unusual feeling(?) of loss. I'm confused, lost, scared, hurt(?), I don't understand this at all. Is this me finally feeling an emotional reaction!?!?
I HATE IT!!! I want her back!!! I have a weird burning like sensation in my stomach and chest area! It's not comfortable or something??? It isn't like a physical pain of a fuck up if body systems, like heart attack or anything like that. I can't explain the weirdness I feel when it comes on.
It's like it comes in waves. When it does I can't stop from crying and my girlfriend just holds me. She has been the only one to at least try to understand alexathemia and how I live without any true emotions or feelings.
Now she tells me I am actually feeling emotional reaction s to the loss of the most important person in my life.
I hate it so much!!! I'm 48 years old and I hate crying and feeling lost and little and all this!!! It stems from the fact that she is gone and....
I want her back!!!!
Sorry for the long story. I just needed to vent and ask if this is normal or something. Has anyone else had anything similar happen to them?
Please help me understand. I am actually scared and confused for the first time ever in my life!
|
2025-02-16T22:09:52
|
1ir42qq
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Do u guys experience a lot of psychosomatic pain?
|
I’m in pain most of the time due to my emotional issues and it sucks because it’s hard to pinpoint what’s bothering me I experience back pain heart pain head aches almost every single day 😭 I also have cptsd
|
2025-02-16T03:10:50
|
1iqiv5b
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Alexithymic partner + Physical Intimacy
|
Hi all,
I've been struggling to navigate physical intimacy with my partner and could use an outside perspective to help me either validate my own concerns or see things differently.
A few months ago, my partner realized he likely has alexithymia.
This realization has been a watershed moment and it's helped us both improve our communication in most aspects of our relationship.He uses the Animi app a lot and it's been great!
The one area that hasn't really improved is sex.
I've been disabled our entire relationship, but about 6 years ago, I acquired a second diagnosis and was dangerously unwell the year leading up to it (as in, dangerously underweight). We were alone in a new city at the time and he was largely responsible for my care/the apartment while I navigated a lot of medical sexism and trauma before getting (more or less) diagnosed.
Once I started treating my condition things improved for me and - having done this before with my first diagnosis - I got months of therapy after to manage the emotional fallout and grief. He did not - I think he felt ashamed, after what I'd been through.
Ever since; sex has been a minefield. He forgets what I like and when he asks; I tell him/show him, but he can't seem to replicate my movements. It's like he understands the words but can't retain anything. He gets panicked and we have to stop. This only crops up when he's trying to pleasure me, not the other way around.
This reinforces my already entrenched insecurities about being "too complicated/gross" or "damaged goods", and makes me feel that my pleasure means less than his.
To be clear, he's not saying or implying things - I've internalized some ableism from my first diagnosis- I've internalized it from my first diagnosis and have worked hard to expell it; his behaviour just triggers it.
We've spoken at length, read books, tried that website OMGYes to figure this out and it's all helped a little but not much.
He recently realized (as I'm sure you all have) it's unprocessed trauma from 2018 when I was really sick. He says he feels he's got my life in his hands when we're intimate and it terrifies him. He likes when he initiates and decides what we do because it gives him a sense of control when he feels out of control (read: scared).
He's going to bring it up in therapy and he's using Animi to focus on DBT techniques which he says help. He writes me journals about how he's feeling.
Here's where *I* need help: I know it's good he's identifying the problem and working on it. From my own medical/sexual trauma, I know these things take time. But meanwhile, we've paused any sexual activities and my brain automatically thinks:
"Oh, you got sick and now you're too much/too sick/too complex to love or have sex with."
I am seeking a new therapist to help me longterm, but in the short term, tell me: am I reacting poorly, or being an unsupportive partner?
Is there another way I could view this?
|
2025-02-13T12:50:34
|
1ioic7s
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Description of how I experience emotions
|
I wanted to write out how I experience emotions
I can feel physical sensations of emotions. Right now, I was just thinking of my friend who died, and I can feel the physical hints of sadness. But I'm fine, I'm typing this all out.
I can love, but it's more of a choice for me. It's a choice to stay committed to this person.
I can also feel compassion, which is unconditional love. I experience this as the choice to care about people and see them as what they are: flawed humans. And to make the choice to help them if they ever asked.
This big buff guy tried to intimidate me. It was a tense moment, he cursed, his ego was hurt, and I was a 16 year old kiddo. I stood up for myself. I wasn't "scared." Sure I felt the physical symptoms of fear, but mentally I felt fine.
I don't think I have mental emotions. In general, mentally, it's really stable and logical. My emotions come up physically in the form of sensations.
I'm becoming an actor. I'm extremely able to make myself feel physical sensations of emotions to act, and it's quite convincing (I had an acting class, did it in class when I had to act out scenes). I did this a lot in the past to "make myself feel" what others seemed to feel. When I'd do that, it wasn't genuine though. And I knew it deep down. Others were convinced, though.
I'm able to make decisions even while overwhelmed with physical sensations of emotions. I had a panic attack yesterday and it was noticeable, I was panicking physically, but mentally I was clear. I wasn't "in distress." If I was, it was only physical distress.
I guess I can define myself as partially unable to feel emotions.
Can anyone relate?
|
2025-02-12T22:35:47
|
1io3vo0
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Broken dishes
|
"Why do you have 3 of every dish set in your cabinets?" she asked. "Isn't it just the two of you that live here?"
I had to explain that my wife and I tend to buy plates, bowls, etc. in sets of four. But hardly a month goes by without me knocking over something ceramic and making shards out of it.
In my mind, a lack of body awareness and resulting spacial clumsiness is just part and parcel of the lack of signals getting through. Lack of interoception = lack of coordination in addition to lack of feeling emotion. Has anyone else found that to be the case?
|
2025-02-12T08:01:21
|
1inm22k
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
What are mental emotions like?
|
I used to force my emotions to be like everyone else. I'd fake it. I'd try to feel, I'd force it, but it was never real.
I'm only capable of feeling emotions as physical sensations. I'm aware of my physical state, but I guess my brain shut off the ability to have mental emotions.
So yeah what are mental emotions like?
|
2025-02-12T03:53:57
|
1ini5vs
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Is it possible to feel love?
|
I know I got dp too, but when u can’t actually feel the emotions and never had love to compare how can u ever fall in love? Even platonic love is hard as even tho I say love my friends and family. I never actually think of them and go ages without even thinking. Like the relationship is unless. Can anyone tell me we can actually fall in love or is life truly pointless to me at this point
|
2025-02-11T18:46:09
|
1in5ysm
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Is it possible that I don't feel emotions at all?
|
They only come up physically.
I had a panic attack today. Racing heart, fast breathing, stuttering, I knew what it was. I didn't feel anything emotionally? Just physically...
I had to deal with grief. I cried alone and then moved on with my life. My sadness only comes up as a physical sensation.
|
2025-02-11T22:35:39
|
1inbl4k
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Need Advice on Feelings (CA-user)
|
Hi, guys!
I'm new here, having just found out about this...condition(?) a few days ago. I seem to have cognitive alexithymia, which has been such a Godsend because I can finally put a name to how I've been. Anyway, I've got DPD (mild, but still definitely there) and am recently coming out of a friendship with someone who has BPD. I used her as a guide for how to feel in certain situations, and being able to put a name and a situation to it, a "Yes, this is how I should feel in this situation, so I know I'm doing it right". However, since we've parted ways, I feel...lost, adrift. I don't know if I'm feeling the "right things" *for* the right things, you know?
I didn't feel intensely jealous when I came across one of my ROCD triggers, and that left me feeling...numb, I suppose, "off" would perhaps be a more apt descriptor. A kind of "Am I supposed to feel intensely about this? Why am I feeling so...lackluster over something that a year ago would have sent me sobbing? Is something wrong with me? Am I getting better, worse?"
Any help/advice/resources would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you, and God bless.
\-Astarion's one and only
|
2025-02-11T21:55:39
|
1inam71
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
How do i help my partner when they are going through something serious?
|
I feel completely useless to my partner and i’m obviously unable to properly comfort or at least take the load off of them during the times when they are struggling with mental health. I want them to feel my attention and empathy when they need to confide in me but i’m basically at level zero when it comes to words to help encourage or support them and it’s even harder when i don’t entirely understand what they are feeling. Does anybody else know what i’m getting at or at least have experienced similar situations? If so id really appreciate advice or just some shared stories of how things ended up going for you.
|
2025-02-11T09:25:52
|
1imursv
| 0 | 1 |
Alexithymia
|
Looking after yourself: A study about alexithymia and self-care
|
Hi there,
If you are interested in self-care and alexithymia, I am inviting you to participate in my research study!
Alexithymia is when a person might struggle with recognising, feeling and expressing their emotions. It is not a disorder – just a difference in our emotion perception. You do not have to have alexithymia to participate.
If you are over 18 and would like to answer questions about:
· Self-care
· Emotion Regulation
· Alexithymia
Please visit the following link
(https://ucc.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_40JdkDXIrtoWfXw)
Participants will be entered in a €20 One-For-All voucher draw
This study is part of a Masters thesis project. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me at [email protected], or my supervisor Dr. Jason Chan at [email protected]
Thank you for your consideration!
|
2025-02-10T20:09:07
|
1imfp2b
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Suppressed feelings and writing in all caps
|
I’ve been having some ideas around trauma, intensity or loudness of the inner voice, passionate energy, and calling out unfair or immoral behavior, or just in general expressing suppressed emotions. I’m still experimenting with everything, but I’m also writing this post to get feedback—other people’s thoughts, experiences, and perspectives.
What I’ve noticed is that, for many neurodivergent people, there’s an innate potential for passionate energy and intensity, but society normalizes not caring, appearing cool, and valuing stoicism as the ideal way to behave. This discourages people from expressing intense, authentic emotion, and over time, it can dial down or mute their inner voice.
Even in terms of autonomy, I think it’s important to raise the volume of the inner voice again, to find ways to amplify it rather than suppress it. One method I’ve been exploring is journaling—but in caps lock. Writing everything in caps feels like it comes from a more authentic place, where you can finally express:
• What you really wanted to say in a moment but didn’t.
• Your true opinions and emotions about a situation or a person.
Through this practice, I’ve found that it makes my inner voice feel stronger, and in turn, I feel more powerful and in control as an individual. It enhances my ability to steer my own behavior and actions, rather than being passively influenced by external expectations.
Another interesting effect I’ve noticed is that this enhances self-awareness in a strange way—almost like you become more conscious of your actions and reactions, which is crucial for navigating social interactions as well.
So, for example, you could write in caps lock to:
• Express suppressed emotions that were ignored at the moment.
• Reaffirm your personal truth without filtering or minimizing it.
• Reconnect with your authentic intensity and autonomy.
Here are some quick examples;
‘YOU INTERRUPTED ME WHEN I WAS ANSWERING YOUR QUESTION’
‘All PEOPLE WHO FOLLOW THIS MANIACAL POLITICAL ARE CROOKED!!’
‘MOST MARKETING PISSES ME OFF!!’
‘PEOPLE LACK EMPATHY!!’
‘MY NEIGHBOUR ISN’T RESPECTFUL TOWARDS ME’
‘YOU EMBARRASSED ME AND DIDN’T FEEL SORRY’
Let me know what you guys think!
|
2025-02-10T10:16:15
|
1im2wzw
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
this is being such a hard time for both me (20) and my gf (19) cause we really do love each other but lately our relationship is being a nightmare
|
for context, we both have depression and a dissociative disorder, we are really burnt out, and also she's autistic and probably has PTSD. id say im recovering and she's starting to, if that makes sense to u.
every time there's a misunderstanding in our relationship, which is pretty often since shes autistic and im not, we manage to talk about both the problem and our feelings in a respectful, validating way. it was kinda hard at the beginning of our relationship because of her alexithymia, but I think she's already used to our emotional talks and is completely fine with them.
the thing is, i just realized we keep having the exact same misunderstandings and im feeling so drained by them cause 1/3times we see each other we end up in an intense talk about smth we've already talk about so many times before. i feel like whenever she tells me i did something hurtful to her i listen and then, the days after out talk, i keep thinking about it so i can work on it, like i actively try to make things better, but she doesn't. and ik it's not because she doesnt care, but because she doesnt know how to work on herself, and also her mental health problems make her have no memory and/or time perception at all. she also struggles with emotional permanence.
any person dealing with ego death knows how hard it is to live without the inner voice u used to have inside yourself, how hard it is feeling numb, being detached to any sort of values and a personality........ i know it myself, and thats why i get that for her, working on herself is like trying to guess what another person is saying while having some noise canceling headphones on. and on top of it, again, she has alexithymia, so it's even harder cause she still struggles identifying and processing her own emotions let alone others.
if u have been through the same, what exercises/habits helped u to overcome it? and i mean really specific stuff, i dont want any do some sports eat healthy comments!!!!!
PS: idk if im making any sense since i myself struggle with the inner voice thing and it's being so hard to keep up with all my thoughts. also english isnt my first language so it is extra hard for me but i really hope u understand what im trying to say!
|
2025-02-09T20:57:57
|
1ilozy3
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Anyone recover from blank mind/no inner monlogue
|
Usually happens from DP/DR. Has anyone recovered from this?
Other devastating symptoms that coexist with this:
\-no sense of self - no one “leading”
\-objective perception
\-timelessness
\-living almost completely presently as no wants/excitement for future
\-no analytical thought/judgement during interactions
\-no frame of reference
\-no opinions/preferences
\-loss of external attachments
\-everything/everyone feels unfamiliar due to loss of connection to memories
\-poor memory, specifically affective memory
\-blank mind/inner monologue - no “drifting off” in thought or getting distracted in an interested manner
\-poor sleep quality
\-no excitement - nothing to be excited for
\-no deep emotions
\-drive for life falling away
\-no aspirations
\-sense of mourning these abilities/life before this
|
2025-02-09T02:53:35
|
1il4xi5
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Alexithymia and describing psychological harm
|
I’ve been having some more reflections around fairness in neurodivergence and tying it to the idea of descriptive realism—where you use language in a very concrete way to describe your sensory experiences, including sounds, images, and the situation in front of you.
What I’ve noticed is that you can apply this very concrete, literal, descriptive thinking style to describing psychological harm. Many neurotypical people do not explicitly state the type of harm that occurs in interactions. When someone bullies another person, or says something offensive, or disregards someone, psychological harm is inflicted—but it often goes unstated.
I find it very useful, even on a bodily level, to explicitly describe these situations. For example:
“He is ignoring that person.”
“He is not taking into account what the other person is saying.”
“ He is trying to make that person look bad by intentionally lying about what the other person said”
“He is trying to get away with his immoral behavior by saying he didn’t mean to do it”
There are small and large forms of psychological harm, and explicitly stating them seems necessary to integrate and process them. I feel like stating them out loud or writing them down helps ground them, as if the act of describing them makes them real in a way that neurotypicals might process more intuitively without needing to verbalize.
I also think this plays a role in trauma processing. Physical harm is often clear, but psychological harm is more subtle, and because we may not have the same ego constructs, we may need to state it explicitly in order to fully process it.
I’d be happy to hear other reflections or experiences on this.
|
2025-02-08T12:16:21
|
1ikm0fu
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Trauma, pain and hyperalgesia
|
I wanted to talk about alexithymia in relation to trauma, and also specifically about the concept of hyperalgesia—which refers to increased sensitivity to pain. I don’t know how many people here also experience substance use disorders of various kinds to numb the pain, but I’ve noticed a kind of substitutability in my own behaviors.
For example, I’ve switched from smoking to drinking soda, to binge eating, to using social media excessively. It seems like this hyperalgesia drives me to avoid pain at all costs, but at the same time, facing pain is probably necessary to revisit and process trauma.
What I’ve noticed is that if I revisit traumatic events with a conscious strategy of preparing to experience pain, I’m also much more ready to defend myself. Facing pain directly seems to be a crucial part of managing trauma—especially in the context of autism where we could have this hyperalgesia even more intensely.
I also think there’s something specific that happens when going back to traumatic events:
• There’s a sense of wanting to overcome the threat, as if trying to defend yourself retroactively.
• But when the trauma originally happened, you were often caught by surprise, didn’t see it coming, or your body shut down—whether through dissociation, freezing, or other protective mechanisms.
• Now, coming back to the memory with the awareness that pain will happen, you’re prepared in a way you weren’t before. This makes it feel possible to overcome the original threat.
I’m curious if anyone else has had similar experiences—whether with trauma processing, pain sensitivity, or substance use as a coping mechanism. Let me know your experiences or any insights you’ve gained!
|
2025-02-08T14:44:41
|
1ikorl1
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Being bad at identifying your emotions is so hard
|
For a couple weeks now I’ve been going out with someone and every time we scheduled to meet up I’d get this weird feeling and feel really indisposed
Turns out I don’t like that person and that “weird feeling” was anxiety. I’m meeting up with them tomorrow to break things off
I wasn’t even able to tell that by myself, I mentioned it to someone and they said “damn, sounds like anxiety” and I just went “shit, you’re right”
|
2025-02-07T21:40:47
|
1ik6j2e
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
Anhedonia
|
I have completely lost interest in everything, almost. Nothing in my life gives me joy. Everyday I am trying my best to just survive mentally, emotionally and financially. Im basically like a robot. I used to have interests but I have lost interest in all those things. I honestly dont even know what to do.
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2025-02-07T22:04:03
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1ik7321
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
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Alexithymia and fairness
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I wanted to talk about a perspective I have on alexithymia in the context of neurodivergence.
It’s often said that neurodivergent people have a strong sense of justice and place a lot of value on fairness and equality—the idea that things need to be done in a just, even, and equal way. There’s even an argument that we are innately egalitarian.
What I’ve noticed is that even when I read about justice, I engage my gut feeling. This got me thinking: the idea that neurodivergent people struggle to identify feelings might be incomplete. What if, instead, all feelings are actually related to fairness?
For example, when you experience unfairness, you feel it—whether or not you’re directly involved. You sense that something is unjust, that what someone said or did was wrong, or that a situation isn’t right. This reaction is deeply emotional.
This makes me wonder if the traditional emotion wheel—with categories like sadness, jealousy, anxiety, and surprise—doesn’t quite capture this experience. What if the core of emotion is actually a sense of fairness or unfairness? The standard emotion categories don’t seem to reflect that well.
I’ve noticed that even discussing fairness deeply affects me emotionally—it’s something I feel strongly every time.
I’m curious if anyone else has had similar experiences. Let me know what you think!
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2025-02-07T12:35:01
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1ijtzbb
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
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Does acid help you feel more?
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Asking this because when i first tripped on acid (used ketamine together too) i had an ego death and i felt stuff for the first timw in years, after that no matter how many times i tried i never managed to reach that point again, am i the only one who got better with psychedelics? It lasted for some weeks afterwards until something happened and i got back to my old self
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2025-02-07T16:00:26
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1ijybfm
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
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What should I do with my case?
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I have been having some health problems since last 7-8 years but I cannot identify what's wrong with me or cannot clearly understand what is it that is wrong with me. Because of this I suspect that I have alexithymia.
There is one more thing that I should clarify. When I went to general medicine doctor 3 years ago I told doctor that my head feels 'sour' like your hand or leg would feel. At that time I was also self medicating high doses of b12 so that could have contributed somewhat to the feeling but my doctor who had cured me earlier of bedwetting at the age of 19 dismissed my problem saying head has no muscle then how could feel sour in headand told me to not come back when I went again for this very problem. He refered me to psychiatrist and a therapist This experience left me scarred from again approaching a doctor. But fast forward to now I am still suffering from the same problem along with some mental complaints.
Do I have alexithymia? How should go from here? Should I go to another GP? Should I go to psychiatrist and therapist as suggested by him? Or should I work on fixing my alexithymia? How can you treat alexithymia if you have it?
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2025-02-07T08:06:03
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1ijq2q0
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
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Alexithymia and the auditory visual feedback loop
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I’ve been thinking more and more about Alexithymia and wanted to share my thoughts, as well as reflect on them. Over the years, by reading forums, I’ve noticed that there seems to be a constellation of cognitive traits and styles that could make our emotional experience quite different (neurodiverse peope) . I want to comment on what I think are the most important ones and how they contribute to a different way of approaching emotions.
First of all, I’ve observed that we are very sensory in nature. Not only do we have a highly visual thinking style—even though many people with Alexithymia have aphantasia—but I would argue that aphantasia, which means limited imagination, is often a result of being shut down by trauma. There could potentially be a way to reinstate or reactivate it. But beyond the visual aspect, there’s also a strong auditory component. Many people think and learn by speaking out loud, needing to verbalize their words to fully understand a situation or make sense of something.
What’s interesting is how these two senses—vision and sound—interact. When you listen to your own voice, a visual representation of meaning can emerge. And as that visual forms, it can generate more sounds, creating a feedback loop. This suggests a kind of sensory meshing or interaction, where speaking generates imagery, and imagery then influences further speech.
I want to tie this idea to social connectivity—how we relate socially. This leads me to the concept of visual perspective-taking, where one deeply visualizes another person’s experience. I’ve noticed that, in certain conversations—though not in most social settings due to the social norms around speaking openly about others—when you truly express what you feel about a situation, you can almost jump into the experience of another person.
Engaging in this process allows you to understand their point of view. But again, there is a strong sensory component: while talking, you engage in visual perspective-taking. As you describe a situation, you “jump” into the experience of another person, and from that viewpoint, your speech continues, producing more auditory and visual feedback. Sometimes it feels like an ongoing sequence of perspective-jumping, where you shift from one experience to another in a continuous interactional dynamic.
The third point I want to address is personal identity and how it shapes social interactions. Neurodiverse people may construct identity differently and relate to others in a more egalitarian way. Many of us also seem to have an extremely high need for autonomy. This leads to a particular experience of social interactions:
Every time there’s a perceived autonomy threat, it’s not just a momentary interaction, but a multi-layered event:
1. On a physical level, someone in a position of authority—such as a parent, teacher, or even a friend acting dominant—may issue a command, make fun of you, or exert control.
2. On an identity level, it becomes a direct threat to how you exist in their mind.
For example, if someone makes fun of you, it’s not just a passing comment—it’s an immediate assault on how they perceive you. They now see you as weak, submissive, or less valuable. If you’re highly aware of perspective-taking, this negative perception becomes clear, making it hard to ignore.
This creates a dilemma: on one hand, understanding their perspective may be the key to responding effectively. But on the other hand, why would you willingly “jump into” their perspective if it only reveals an unpleasant, distorted, or diminishing view of yourself? Over time, this can lead to blocking out others’ perceptions as a way to protect identity and autonomy.
One thing I’ve been considering is whether verbal processing could help re-engage both emotional awareness (addressing Alexithymia) and trauma processing. By openly voicing one’s true thoughts about a situation—describing it as it was, without self-censorship—there is an activation of this auditory-visual feedback loop. Hearing one’s own voice while reflecting on an event allows visuals to emerge, which in turn leads to more verbalization and deeper insight.
I’ve also found it important to explicitly attach identity to this process—for instance, by stating one’s name while verbalizing thoughts. This serves as a reminder that the experience isn’t just abstract but is about you, reinforcing personal identity. It can also clarify how others perceive you and help integrate that awareness into a stronger sense of self.
I wanted to share this perspective, though I realize many people may not see it this way. I’m open to feedback and interested in hearing different viewpoints.
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2025-02-05T10:58:28
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1ii7hnp
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
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Finding a therapy method that works
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TL/DR: Backed out of therapy because it was too emotion-focused, what now?
(For some context, I have suspected I had alexithymia since the day I learned what it was. I am not diagnosed with anything on the ASD spectrum or anything along those lines.)
Until around 2 years ago I was in therapy. I am still not exactly sure why I was suggested to go there, but I was encouraged to by my close family and decided to go because, why not?
However, I quickly learned that traditional therapy was not for me. I was constantly asked about my feelings; "How often are you depressed/anxious/irritable? What makes you feel these things? What makes you feel better?" Etc. Couldn't really answer those questions. My therapist, upon hearing that I couldn't answer, asked again. They told me that I had to say something, and I understood from that early point that I would probably have a hard time benefiting from therapy if I had to come up with the things I told my therapist.
Lo and behold, I did not progress much in therapy. My therapist was a patient person and was perfectly fine with it which I appreciated a lot, but I felt that there wasn't a real purpose to go other than to get some interaction with another person. Eventually, I just stopped going. Being asked what I was feeling wasn't doing anything for me and made it a little bit tiring to go. But I'm getting encouraged to go again, and if I end up having to, I don't want to simply leave again because it isn't doing me any good.
Are there other kinds of therapy methods that don't involve emotions as heavily, or at all?
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2025-02-05T01:49:27
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1ihyujn
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
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Paying a lot of attention to how I'm grieving
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Someone I knew died. This was a pretty important person in my life. Certainly was important when I was 13-14 years old. I'm almost 17 now.
I'm paying a lot of attention to how I feel about it. My body made me cry a bit, which I allowed.
Idk how I feel about it. I guess I'm glad he's at peace now. I am pretty glad about that, honestly...
Having alexithymia makes my emotions come up only physically. And I struggle with feeling anything honestly.
Just gonna be mindful of how I feel physically.
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2025-02-05T03:00:25
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1ii0af1
| 1 | 1 |
Alexithymia
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One day it all went quiet and the one time it was unbearably loud.
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I'm autistic. I've never been amazing at emotional regulation. I've always reacted to the wrong things at the wrong times. When something really bad happened I would feel nothing sometimes. But it was never that bad. I had emotions, I knew what those emotions were. In fact I had big emotions. And then I was 14 and something happened to me, probably one of the most traumatic things in my life. And I lost the ability to feel anything at all. Overthinking obertook my life from this point on. I had never been an overthinker up to this point. But I began living in my head. I stopped feeling stuff at all. When I did emotionally react to stuff my brain was there observing me like "you don't really need to be doing this. This is pointless. You don't really feel this anyway" and it was true, I didn't. A lot of the time I acted out just to feel SOMETHING. It is still like this. These days I can feel some positive emotions, either that or just nothing at all. Numbness.
Except one day, 5 years later, I had an encounter with a worker in a store and they yelled at me unprovoked, attacked me. I felt absolutely vulnerable. And I cried. I sobbed uncontrollably for about an hour. I couldn't stop crying. I felt ashamed and scared and cornered. I felt this extreme release of emotion that I had not felt in years and I did not feel like I was faking it for once in my life. But that has never happened before to the same degree since the day I lost the ability to feel and has never happened since. I just want my emotions back
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2025-02-05T02:39:34
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1ihzvj4
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
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NSFW: Intimacy with Emotional Blindness
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CW: discussions of sex
I am autistic and suffer from anxiety and it is only recently that I have managed to label alexithymia as one of its characteristics (go figure). Not only does this mean I have to second-guess my own emotions at every turn, but other people end up being hurt because I have difficulty noticing when they're in pain sometimes. This is especially true of my partner, with whom I have been in a committed relationship for ten years.
We are working through this in every other aspect of our relationship, and it is a testament to how strong our bond is that it has managed to survive all sorts of turmoil (all of which has been a direct result of my own . However, the final frontier has always been sex.
I have lots of anxiety around sex. My partner got very sick years ago. When she got better and we started making love again, it was awkward. I had forgotten how she liked to be touched, what she responded positively to in bed. Being younger and immature, I panicked, thinking that I had lost what had made me a good lover before. And that thought solidified as an evil little inner voice in my head telling me that I never knew how to please her and that I never will again. Every time we've tried again over the years, I go into it thinking, "Yes, I want her, I want this. I want this closeness with her." But soon enough, the doubt sneaks up on me and I don't know what to do with my hands and I leave her feeling like she's being examined, which is the absolute worst. I know I love my partner and am attracted to her, but I have never managed to successfully talk down this inner voice, to the point where the prospect of sex fills us both with dread.
Do any of you struggle with this? Has alexithymia ever affected your ability to be intimate with your partners? If so, how do you manage it?
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2025-02-04T16:20:25
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1ihlg7b
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
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What emotions do you mix up the most?
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As a child: sadness and fear. If I was getting yelled at, I would cry, and I took it very literally. People cry when they're sad. Because I was crying, I was sad. But I remember having intellectualized thoughts surrounding fear such as "will they hit me? do they hate me? they have a scary face."
As an adult: disgust and anger. I'm really grappling with this one, so I can't say I'm even accurately mixing them up. But I think disgust revolves around some moral psychology and I can't tell if I want people I find morally abhorrent as far away from me as possible (disgust) or I'm angry that these morally abhorrent people got this way and will now cause harm to people (anger). I physically feel very little when I encounter something morally abhorrent. I only think "this is really fucked up because of X, Y, and Z, and what could happen is 1, 2, and 3."
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2025-02-04T16:03:05
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1ihl196
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
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what's alexithymia exactly?
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yeah like the title says. ik it has something to do with not feeling anything but how is it not to feel? is it really that u don't feel anything? im asking out of curiosity and personal experience. idk i personally barely feel anything and i have big issues identifying my emotions but sometimes i feel my emotions intensely as well. ik it's in autism,aspd or anything but i dont really understand what it is
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2025-02-04T09:38:42
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1ihe292
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
|
What can my bf do to be more emotionally available
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I have ADHD and experience heightened emotions. My autistic bf who has alexithymia has given me advice on how to be more mindful which has helped me tame my emotions and not spiral. I have researched alexithymia and I was wondering if there is any advice on how he can be more emotionally available and comforting from people who have it. He is very logical but sometimes the advice is unsolicited and can make me feel worse due to the timing. I know he comes from a good place though. I would like to know what they have done to comfort their partners. I want to be able to feel my emotions around him but it is hard to when he doesn’t understand his own. I want to grow with my boyfriend and have us both learn on how to communicate effectively.
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2025-02-04T04:55:13
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1ih9zu2
| 1 | 1 |
Alexithymia
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Does Alexithmia cause a struggle between balancing friends and relationships at the same time.
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I have been looking back at a lot of things I missed in my relationship and how this Alexithmia could have been recognized sooner.
So hear me out, when I met my previous partner he hung out with his friends all the time. I was new to town so I didn't have any. I am very anti co-dependent and so I encouraged him to go out with his friend but he just didn't want to. Now looking back I have seen a pattern of them all saying this is what he does and I was always saying guys it's not me.. I am not telling him he can't go and we would just laugh it off.
Now fast forward to we are almost at a month of no longer being together yet he is like some strange roomate I don't even know that gets in my bed every night but avoids me at all other times. But his friends are all of a sudden back in his life everyday when I haven't seen them in years.
And I have been very respectful once learning about alexithmia and I respect his boundaries and he's not totally disrespectful to mine. But he can not for the life of him take me around his friends. And he hasn't said anything bad about me to them. In fact all he told his friends is that it didn't work out they didn't ask more. He is very private and and we kept my initial freak out about this devastating blow to my heart under wraps for the most part. But with the help of my therapist and my close friends, I have been very supportive and kind because I honestly feel bad for his inability to process emotions. I see him inside there but it's like lights are on but no one is home anymore.
So is the reason he can't take me around his friends and why he couldn't bring his friends around me part of having Alexithmia and balancing the two at the same time is too much?
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2025-02-02T22:00:06
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1ig8ytp
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
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alexithymia?
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hi, i (23) just learned about alexithymia, and i was wondering whether you guys could tell me whether my experience sounds like it fits? i have a psychologist who i can talk to about this, but since we are currently focusing on other matters and he’s been ill recently, i thought this might be a good place to start.
i have always had trouble with expressing my emotions. i have previously said that i can sense a sort of cloud/aura, but i have no idea which “label” (emotion) belongs to this cloud, or whether it may be multiple emotions. i can usually estimate whether something is positive or negative, though i struggle to discern positive and negative from neutral feelings. my previous psychologist described this experience as “a men’s struggle,” as in, because boys typically don’t get as much guidance regarding emotions when growing up, men struggle to understand what they are feeling later in life. for context, i refer to myself as AFAB genderqueer.
i experience trouble with emotions on a few different levels.
first, i have the ability to “turn off” my emotions in the midst of experiencing something intense, like sobbing. while sobbing, i can simply switch off anything related (sensation + tears), and i’ll have a completely neutral/somewhat dead expression and stop emoting. then, i can also switch it back on.
second, i can’t tell whether, in supposedly happy moments, i actually am experiencing positive feelings, or whether im feeling neutrally but pretending to experience happiness or excitement.
third, when experiencing something supposedly negative, i cant tell whether i feel negatively or neutrally, or whether im telling myself i feel negatively because i think others would.
fourth, i cant typically identify emotions further than the “main” emotions (happy/sad/angry), when i am able to label whether something is positive or negative. i might say im hurt, but am unable to break this down further.
lastly, i struggle with larger things too. as i said, i refer to myself as AFAB genderqueer, but actually have no clue whether i stand by that. i know i don’t identify much with womanhood, but have no clue whether i identify with a gender at all. thats why ive gone with this label, its most nondescript. no matter how long i think about this, i cant figure out how i feel about anything, (at least partly) because i cant discern the feelings.
for context, i have been diagnosed with OCD (“pure-O”) and depression, and am currently being screened for autism. therapy is incredibly difficult, because of everything i mentioned above.
i would love to hear your thoughts, thanks in advance :)
EDIT: i wanted to add that, maybe because of this trouble with feelings, i have developed some imposter syndrome like patterns where i dont trust myself/think that im lying to myself about feelings and experiences. is this something youve heard about in connection to alexithymia before?
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2025-02-02T13:48:32
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1ifxkow
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
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tDCS effects
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Anybody else using tDCS to improve mood? I have used a month for test and can say that mood has improved and relating to possible alexithymia I have been getting more emotions lately. I cry easily and laugh too.
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2025-02-01T14:09:00
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1if72iy
| 1 | 0 |
Alexithymia
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Comedy isn’t really that funny
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I know that’s an outrageous title but hear me out. I don’t really see the point in comedians I get they’re supposed to bring light to things that happen but the jokes I get them, but I don’t laugh at them. It’s not that I don’t find them funny, I do but I don’t know how to express it and it’s to the point where it’s confusing because I’d be done with a comedy special and it’s been like a week or so and out of nowhere I’ll laugh would just come out and my thought process is “oh it must’ve been one of the jokes of been thinking about”, but it doesn’t make sense for me to be laughing a week after I listen to the joke, does that make sense?
So my conclusion is that comedy is not my thing, it doesn’t get me at an emotional level. Like It gets to others and I’ve tried to watch multiple comedians to see if it’s just a one time thing with certain comedians, but it’s not.
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2025-01-31T22:41:05
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1ierjh9
| 0 | 0 |
Alexithymia
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How do we know we have "hidden" feelings?
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What it says in the title
How do we know that someone can have feelings and not realize them? Could it be possible that someone just doesn't have many feelings, and if so, how would we know if it's the case? What evidence is there that you can have feelings and not feel them?
I am confusion and wanted to learn the reasoning behind it
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2025-01-27T19:07:12
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1ibh61t
| 0 | 0 |
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