sub_id
string | title
string | Criticism
string | Intent
string | Readability
int64 | body
string | author
string | score
int64 | awards
int64 | numComms
int64 | created
string | subreddit
string | annotated_post_body
string | ES
int64 | EFS
int64 | RS
int64 | EMaskingQ
string | EMask
string | EFSMaskingQ
string | EFSMask
string | RMaskingQ
string | RMask
string | Comments
string | Annotated
bool | label_combination
int64 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
eiqoe7
|
Anyone treated for anxiety and ADHD?
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0
|
survey
| 1 |
I'm on Adderall and buspar and am feeling a little too 'normal'. I miss a bit of the anxious energy. Anyone else have experience like this?
|
expiredoriginality
| 1 | 0 | 6 |
2020-01-02 00:52:40
|
ADHD
|
<rs>Anyone treated for anxiety and ADHD?<re> <es>I'm on Adderall and buspar and am feeling a little too 'normal'.<ee> <efs>I miss a bit of the anxious energy.<efe> <rs>Anyone else have experience like this?<re>
| 2 | 1 | 2 | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how adderall and buspar make you feel
| null | null | null | true | 212 |
eol81h
|
Travel addiction
|
1a
|
rant
| 2 |
Long story short, I spent my entire 20’s making myself “famous” on social media for the amount of travel I did. I got a job with an airline and took full advantage of the travel benefits. Going on flights around the world for dirt cheap and posting on social media. It was a fruitless endeavour. I’m known for my crazy travels, but wow did it take its toll on me physically, just for “likes”. Much like an addiction, I couldnt get enough. Now I’m burnt out, no community or friends and stuck in a dead end (although good paying) airline job and have no desire to travel anymore. I feel like I wasted my 20’s on those experiences and now I regret it all since it wasn’t the responsible thing to do to have long term happiness. I’m stuck addicted to cigarettes with no real friendships or community. Trying to piece my life together at 30 to be a healthy adult is proving very difficult.
|
aerozimm
| 1 | 0 | 10 |
2020-01-14 13:24:55
|
addiction
|
<es>Long story short, I spent my entire 20’s making myself “famous” on social media for the amount of travel I did.<ee> <es>I got a job with an airline and took full advantage of the travel benefits.<ee> <es>Going on flights around the world for dirt cheap and posting on social media.<ee> <es>It was a fruitless endeavour.<ee> <efs>I’m known for my crazy travels, but wow did it take its toll on me physically, just for “likes”.<efe> <es>Much like an addiction, I couldnt get enough.<ee> <efs>Now I’m burnt out, no community or friends and stuck in a dead end (although good paying) airline job and have no desire to travel anymore.<efe> <efs>I feel like I wasted my 20’s on those experiences and now I regret it all since it wasn’t the responsible thing to do to have long term happiness.<efe> <es>I’m stuck addicted to cigarettes with no real friendships or community.<ee> <rs>Trying to piece my life together at 30 to be a healthy adult is proving very difficult.<re>
| 2 | 2 | 1 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how you are tying to piece up your life again
| null | true | 221 |
ekf9h6
|
We Just Got Closer to Understanding How PTSD Starts to Develop in The Mind
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0
|
chitchat
| 1 |
>The new research indicates that PTSD develops along two separate tracks: one involving fear conditioning and intrusive thoughts, and one involving symptoms associated with depression.
>Those two tracks could be separately identified and treated, the team behind the study says. Based on this evidence, it's "critically important" that potential PTSD sufferers are diagnosed and given help as early as possible.
[Science Alert](https://www.sciencealert.com/new-study-maps-out-how-ptsd-develops-in-the-brain-in-its-early-stages)
|
BlueAzzure
| 1 | 0 | 19 |
2020-01-05 16:36:30
|
ptsd
|
>The new research indicates that PTSD develops along two separate tracks: one involving fear conditioning and intrusive thoughts, and one involving symptoms associated with depression. >Those two tracks could be separately identified and treated, the team behind the study says. Based on this evidence, it's "critically important" that potential PTSD sufferers are diagnosed and given help as early as possible. [Science Alert](https://www.sciencealert.com/new-study-maps-out-how-ptsd-develops-in-the-brain-in-its-early-stages)
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
fjgvvb
|
I am no scared of getting sick, I am scared of the hysteria.
|
1b
|
rant
| 1 |
I am so tired of hearing about the virus and the reaction to it. I get it, it’s a bad virus and will hurt a lot of people. But buying everything at stores, talking about city shut downs, companies closing their doors, and everything is causing my anxiety to sky rocket. You can’t stop a virus like this. It will slow down but not stop. So can we all just take a moment to calm the fuck down and chill. I rarely even go out but the idea of not being able to buy food or necessities because people are stock piling it and being forced to stay in my home and not leave scares the shit out of me.
So everyone, please for the love of god, chill for one minute. Or someone tell me how to stop feeling like the world is going to end because of this reaction.
|
itstimetobeatbpd
| 1 | 0 | 6 |
2020-03-16 07:10:23
|
getting_over_it
|
<efs>I am so tired of hearing about the virus and the reaction to it.<efe> <es>I get it, it’s a bad virus and will hurt a lot of people.<ee> <es>But buying everything at stores, talking about city shut downs, companies closing their doors, and everything is causing my anxiety to sky rocket.<ee> <es>You can’t stop a virus like this.<ee> <es>It will slow down but not stop.<ee> <es>So can we all just take a moment to calm the fuck down and chill.<ee> <efs>I rarely even go out but the idea of not being able to buy food or necessities because people are stock piling it and being forced to stay in my home and not leave scares the shit out of me. <efe> <rs>So everyone, please for the love of god, chill for one minute.<re> <rs>Or someone tell me how to stop feeling like the world is going to end because of this reaction.<re>
| 2 | 2 | 2 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
fxnqt1
|
Sometimes being suicidal isn’t worth it.
|
0
|
rant
| 1 |
Admitted myself to the hospital almost 2 years ago. I was drunk and I said I abuse alcohol. But I only was binge drinking every couple months. I was labelled as alcohol dependant disorder or whatever. Another time was when I was on benzos and I said I was suicidal, they prevented me from getting benzos because the psychiatrist thought I was addicted to them (That was the first time I took street benzos). Lots of miscommunication. This shit gets labelled on my health record so now I’m a benzo alcoholic according to them, fuck. This all happened because I admitted myself to the hospital to get help...not this.
Not only that, they just feed you Seroquel if you want, and it just makes you sleep. How do you expect us to get better when you’re only numbing the situation? I actually got worse and it actually traumatized me pretty hard (no fucking joke). I still think about when I was hospitalized 2 years ago due to unfortunate events. Sometimes it isn’t worth it being suicidal. More negative will come from it.
|
itdoesntgetbetter0
| 1 | 0 | 3 |
2020-04-09 07:05:58
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getting_over_it
|
<es>Admitted myself to the hospital almost 2 years ago.<ee> <es>I was drunk and I said I abuse alcohol.<ee> <es>But I only was binge drinking every couple months.<ee> <es>I was labelled as alcohol dependant disorder or whatever.<ee> <es>Another time was when I was on benzos and I said I was suicidal, they prevented me from getting benzos because the psychiatrist thought I was addicted to them (That was the first time I took street benzos).<ee> <es>Lots of miscommunication.<ee> <es>This shit gets labelled on my health record so now I’m a benzo alcoholic according to them, fuck.<ee> <es>This all happened because I admitted myself to the hospital to get help...not this.<ee> <es>Not only that, they just feed you Seroquel if you want, and it just makes you sleep.<ee> <es>How do you expect us to get better when you’re only numbing the situation?<ee> <efs>I actually got worse and it actually traumatized me pretty hard (no fucking joke).<efe> <es>I still think about when I was hospitalized 2 years ago due to unfortunate events.<ee> <es>Sometimes it isn’t worth it being suicidal.<ee> <es>More negative will come from it.<ee>
| 2 | 2 | 0 | null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you didn't get better at the hospital
| null | true | 220 |
eyy38s
|
Mom was beaten my dad
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 2 |
I don’t know what to think at this point. My mom was abused by my dad this morning. I always thought of my dad and a smart and nice dude, but my parents have hated each other for really long. This morning i was asleep but awake, and I overheard my mom crying and my dad saying “shut the fuck up.” My mom used to have mental problems but they got better if that has to do with anything. I didn’t think much of it as it was really subtle and I thought that I just misheard. But today, she talked to me and told me not to tell anyone, and I agreed to. This is what happened according to my mom: My mom texted my dad something that probably got him mad, as they have been fighting for the last couple days (I’ll explain that later) and 20 minutes later, while my mom was making coffee, my dad comes down and just slaps my mom and she falls to the ground. He just repeatedly kicks her then leaves. My mom was bleeding just a bit, but nothing major happened to her. What made me the most upset was that I really looked up to my dad and this is what I hear from my mom, and I know that she wouldn’t lie to me like that. Before this all happened, about 2 nights later, they got in a huge fight and my dad was acting chill because maybe he wanted us to think that he was the victim. But I guess he just let it all out. Please someone tell me what to do I feel like my life is just going down
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Blaze143143
| 1 | 0 | 10 |
2020-02-04 22:08:58
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domesticviolence
|
<es>I don’t know what to think at this point.<ee> <es>My mom was abused by my dad this morning.<ee> <es>I always thought of my dad and a smart and nice dude, but my parents have hated each other for really long.<ee> <es>This morning i was asleep but awake, and I overheard my mom crying and my dad saying “shut the fuck up.”<ee> <es>My mom used to have mental problems but they got better if that has to do with anything.<ee> <es>I didn’t think much of it as it was really subtle and I thought that I just misheard.<ee> <es>But today, she talked to me and told me not to tell anyone, and I agreed to.<ee> <es>This is what happened according to my mom: My mom texted my dad something that probably got him mad, as they have been fighting for the last couple days (I’ll explain that later) and 20 minutes later, while my mom was making coffee, my dad comes down and just slaps my mom and she falls to the ground.<ee> <es>He just repeatedly kicks her then leaves.<ee> <es>My mom was bleeding just a bit, but nothing major happened to her.<ee> <efs>What made me the most upset was that I really looked up to my dad and this is what I hear from my mom, and I know that she wouldn’t lie to me like that.<efe> <es>Before this all happened, about 2 nights later, they got in a huge fight and my dad was acting chill because maybe he wanted us to think that he was the victim.<ee> <es>But I guess he just let it all out.<ee> <rs>Please someone tell me what to do I feel like my life is just going down<re>
| 2 | 1 | 2 | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how you feel about your dad abusing your mom
| null | null | null | true | 212 |
eki2t5
|
My husband has depression. How can I help him?
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
My husband has Depression. He gets so depressed he sleeps for days at a time. He constantly complains and says he's just sick. But refuses to go to a doctor. He says everything hurts all the time. He's slept the last 2 days and he's sleeping right now. He told me not to wake him up for food. He's especially depressed because his job only gave him 15 hours this week when he normally works 35. And I am waiting on disability and can't work. So we are poor and have no money and this makes him more depressed. I don't know how to help him. My parents offered to take me out for the day but I said no because I'm worried about my husband. I tried talking to him but he just stared off into the tv and wouldn't talk to me. I just don't know how to help him. I just pray things get better when I get disability.
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cfbuzzkill90
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-05 19:54:03
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mentalillness
|
<rs>My husband has depression. How can I help him?<re> <es>My husband has Depression.<ee> <es>He gets so depressed he sleeps for days at a time.<ee> <es>He constantly complains and says he's just sick.<ee> But refuses to go to a doctor. <efs>He says everything hurts all the time.<efe> He's slept the last 2 days and he's sleeping right now. He told me not to wake him up for food. <es>He's especially depressed because his job only gave him 15 hours this week when he normally works 35.<ee> <es>And I am waiting on disability and can't work.<ee> <es>So we are poor and have no money and this makes him more depressed.<ee> I don't know how to help him. <efs>My parents offered to take me out for the day but I said no because I'm worried about my husband.<efe> I tried talking to him but he just stared off into the tv and wouldn't talk to me. I just don't know how to help him. <rs>I just pray things get better when I get disability.<re>
| 2 | 2 | 2 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
title
| true | 222 |
eile07
|
Is four years a long time?
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
When I was in high school, I had an older boy use me. He used me for sex and for creating. He also said a lot of mean things about my personality. I haven't seen him for almost five years. I moved states he still tries to contact me regularly even though I made it clear I'm not interested, deleted all social media, and blocked him.
I feel so alone I can't get over the mean stuff he said or how he tries to contact me not denying being mean then trying to sweet talk me( he even does this with a long term girlfriend) he told me long ago that I'm weird he feels no connection to me but ”ill find someone” he said. He still keeps photos of me years later.
I feel like I can't put myself out there; I feel broken. I feel like an alien does weird I've given up on dating. Whenever men show interest, I think they want to use me. How can I get over this? Why has this taken so long? Am I stupid?
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stangergirl6
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
2020-01-01 18:07:01
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ADHD
|
<es>When I was in high school, I had an older boy use me.<ee> <es>He used me for sex and for creating.<ee> <es>He also said a lot of mean things about my personality.<ee> <es>I haven't seen him for almost five years.<ee> <es>I moved states he still tries to contact me regularly even though I made it clear I'm not interested, deleted all social media, and blocked him.<ee> <efs>I feel so alone I can't get over the mean stuff he said or how he tries to contact me not denying being mean then trying to sweet talk me( he even does this with a long term girlfriend) he told me long ago that I'm weird he feels no connection to me but ”ill find someone” he said.<efe> <es>He still keeps photos of me years later.<ee> <efs>I feel like I can't put myself out there; I feel broken.<efe> <efs>I feel like an alien does weird I've given up on dating.<efe> <efs>Whenever men show interest, I think they want to use me.<efe> <rs>How can I get over this?<re> <rs>Why has this taken so long?<re> <rs>Am I stupid?<re>
| 2 | 2 | 2 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
eimygz
|
I don't know what to do
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
My friend always wears a hoodie or something with long sleeves. I'm worried for her because she keeps making dark jokes about how life sucks, and she started going to a therapist. I have a feeling she might be hiding cuts on her arm but I don't know for sure. I don't want to confront her, so what do you think I should do?
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M-donkey-B
| 1 | 0 | 3 |
2020-01-01 20:04:01
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selfharm
|
<es>My friend always wears a hoodie or something with long sleeves.<ee> <efs>I'm worried for her because she keeps making dark jokes about how life sucks, and she started going to a therapist.<efe> <es>I have a feeling she might be hiding cuts on her arm but I don't know for sure.<ee> <rs>I don't want to confront her, so what do you think I should do?<re>
| 2 | 2 | 2 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
ekqfb6
|
Me irl
|
0
|
chitchat
| 5 | null |
diaryintroverts
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-06 07:00:43
|
socialanxiety
| null | 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
en0zz8
|
UK Soap Opera, Hollyoaks, to Adress Storyline of Character with PTSD - and he's not from a Military background. His Dad telling him to "Man Up" is typical.
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0
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chitchat
| 2 |
>Nick told Digital Spy: "Tony is suffering and he starts seeing a therapist. Edward, his dad, tells him that he doesn't need to see the therapist and he should 'man up'. In this day, with mental health, that's very bad advice.
>
>"Tony is listening to his dad because Edward is an MD, so he's going along with him. But when he gets himself into therapy, that's when the PTSD starts coming.
>
>"The therapist is telling Tony: 'You want to be listening to me and getting your feelings out.' All the while, Edward, his old man, is telling him to stop crying and 'man up' and it's not the way forward."
https://www.thesun.co.uk/tvandshowbiz/10711368/hollyoaks-tony-panic-attacks-ptsd-kidnap-cheating-death-nick-pickard/
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BlueAzzure
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-11 01:54:42
|
ptsd
|
>Nick told Digital Spy: "Tony is suffering and he starts seeing a therapist. Edward, his dad, tells him that he doesn't need to see the therapist and he should 'man up'. In this day, with mental health, that's very bad advice. > >"Tony is listening to his dad because Edward is an MD, so he's going along with him. But when he gets himself into therapy, that's when the PTSD starts coming. > >"The therapist is telling Tony: 'You want to be listening to me and getting your feelings out.' All the while, Edward, his old man, is telling him to stop crying and 'man up' and it's not the way forward." https://www.thesun.co.uk/tvandshowbiz/10711368/hollyoaks-tony-panic-attacks-ptsd-kidnap-cheating-death-nick-pickard/
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
epwb9h
|
my friend strangled me
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
okay i don’t know how long this will be, but around november i was outside with my friend because i had just dyed my hair and he wanted to see how it looked. i didn’t know he was drunk until i went outside and he smelled like it. i didn’t really think anything about it, so i just continued to talk to him and when he was on the phone as i joke i pulled on his string hoodie. he said “omg i could just kill you right now” and i thought he was joking because cmon why would i believe that? and i said “no you wouldn’t” and he said “who says?” then i said “me” confidently. then he put one hand on my throat and choked me i was shocked but i didn’t know what to do i’m 17 there’s not much i’ve learned. i was also afraid to fight back knowing he’s much taller and stronger than me. he put his other hand on top of his hand and proceeded to strangle me. i stopped breathing for quite a while i just looked at him straight in the eyes until he let go. when i got home i started coughing so much and the pain on my throat was indescribable. even tho we aren’t dating is there something more i can do about it? i might have video proof my neighbors are looking into it thanks to their camera. the school didn’t do anything and i am terrified every time i see him.
|
itssalondruhhh
| 1 | 0 | 3 |
2020-01-17 05:55:08
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domesticviolence
|
<es>okay i don’t know how long this will be, but around november i was outside with my friend because i had just dyed my hair and he wanted to see how it looked.<ee> <es>i didn’t know he was drunk until i went outside and he smelled like it.<ee> <es>i didn’t really think anything about it, so i just continued to talk to him and when he was on the phone as i joke i pulled on his string hoodie.<ee> <es>he said “omg i could just kill you right now” and i thought he was joking because cmon why would i believe that? and i said “no you wouldn’t” and he said “who says?” then i said “me” confidently.<ee> <es>then he put one hand on my throat and choked me i was shocked but i didn’t know what to do i’m 17 there’s not much i’ve learned.<ee> <efs>i was also afraid to fight back knowing he’s much taller and stronger than me.<efe> <es>he put his other hand on top of his hand and proceeded to strangle me.<ee> <es>i stopped breathing for quite a while i just looked at him straight in the eyes until he let go.<ee> <efs>when i got home i started coughing so much and the pain on my throat was indescribable.<efe> <rs>even tho we aren’t dating is there something more i can do about it?<re> <es>i might have video proof my neighbors are looking into it thanks to their camera.<ee> <efs>the school didn’t do anything and i am terrified every time i see him.<efe>
| 2 | 2 | 2 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
eonu19
|
Are you 18 years or older? We are currently conducting a study to examine the many faces of parental separation. We are interested in the effects of prolonged absence from one or both parents.
|
0
|
chitchat
| 2 |
If you participate you will be asked to complete an online survey which will ask questions about separations from parents from birth to high school and surveys to assess your view of your relationships with your parents, friends and partners. Click here for the survey link [https://trentu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_doOCNhv1dKIAiwJ](https://trentu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_doOCNhv1dKIAiwJ)
|
TrentAttLab
| 1 | 0 | 8 |
2020-01-14 16:51:02
|
alcoholicsanonymous
|
If you participate you will be asked to complete an online survey which will ask questions about separations from parents from birth to high school and surveys to assess your view of your relationships with your parents, friends and partners. Click here for the survey link [https://trentu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_doOCNhv1dKIAiwJ](https://trentu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_doOCNhv1dKIAiwJ)
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
ekgg06
|
AA meetings make me want to drink...
|
1b
|
rant
| 1 |
Been sober for 15 months and I went to AA meetings for the first 4 or so months. I realized that every time I'd walk out of a meeting i would have anxiety and be left feeling worse than before the meeting. Quite the opposite of how its supposed to be. So anyway, I quit going. Been sober 11 months without any help other than Effexor to help my anxieties/depression. Aa just didn't work for me. I can appreciate that it is good for many, but for me it did nothing but trigger me to crave the drink.
|
sever78
| 1 | 0 | 16 |
2020-01-05 17:59:37
|
alcoholicsanonymous
|
<es>Been sober for 15 months and I went to AA meetings for the first 4 or so months.<ee> <efs> I realized that every time I'd walk out of a meeting i would have anxiety and be left feeling worse than before the meeting.<efe> <es>Quite the opposite of how its supposed to be.<ee> <es>So anyway, I quit going.<ee> <es>Been sober 11 months without any help other than Effexor to help my anxieties/depression.<ee> <es> Aa just didn't work for me.<ee> <efs>I can appreciate that it is good for many, but for me it did nothing but trigger me to crave the drink.<efe>
| 2 | 2 | 0 | null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
AA meetings made you feel worse
| null | true | 220 |
eim109
|
Just got back on medication after 2 years
|
0
|
chitchat
| 1 |
Wow. I've had ADHD for a very long time and I stopped medication to feel more " normal". Got back on focalin 10mg and its great.
First day, I'm not as angry, i actually like work, I can focus on doing my work, I can study better, basically its like when I got glasses for the first time.
|
Blahahahaaja
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
2020-01-01 18:55:25
|
ADHD
|
Wow. <es>I've had ADHD for a very long time and I stopped medication to feel more " normal".<ee> <es>Got back on focalin 10mg and its great.<ee> <efs>First day, I'm not as angry, i actually like work, I can focus on doing my work, I can study better, basically its like when I got glasses for the first time.<efe>
| 2 | 2 | 0 | null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are feeling much better with focalin 10mg
| null | true | 220 |
ekcd06
|
Recent trauma
|
1b
|
rant
| 2 |
This is my first post so, sorry if there's mistakes. But its 6am as I'm typing this, i couldn't sleep and i just.. Felt like i had to get it out. Anyway. I was raped back on August 2nd, 2019. And.. It happened after i fully recovered from my previous trauma, there was maybe two weeks or maybe even less where i just... Finally felt at peace with myself.. I didn't hold any self destructive anger towards my abusers anymore i just.. Let it all go. I was finally back to being "normal" again after being... "Different" for... Most of my life. I always had a promise to myself that if i was ever raped again i would kill myself. So after i was raped during 2019 i was.. Completely broken. I didn't want to call it rape because i couldn't... Deal with myself if i "let it happen again". I get nightmares about it often and the day before i had another nightmare and it was of me.. Taking back my rapist after he begged me to. I get scared when i see red cars, because he had a red car. I don't like crucifixes because he had a crucifix above his door when he raped me. As dumb as it sounds, i don't like the store Target anymore because that's where i met him- and he told me he goes there often. I'm petrified of seeing him again. I might see him again when i start college and i can't talk about this to anyone in my life. Every time I've tried they've.. Ignored me basically. Or they tell me i deserved it. Either way it's not pleasant and i feel like I'm back to step one of recovery. I always wanna wear shoes that make me appear taller just so i feel safer and i never want to forget my knife at home because of the need for self defense. I want to change my appearance so drastically that he wouldn't recognize me if for some reason our paths crossed again. Part of me wants to be everything he loathes just to spite him and because.. It is truly just who i am. I want to heal so badly i don't wanna take another 5 or more years for recovery. I don't think i can make it till then. Don't know if i can be that success story. I feel like a lost cause. I feel all alone in this world, and i feel exposed everyday. I just want my armor back, i want to feel secure and carefree like i did during that brief time. I wonder if I'll ever get better from this. It's even more rough because everybody thinks I'm fine, and i hide my emotions well i suppose but.. It's like i drop hints to people and they just.. Still don't see it. They think that just because my outward appearance is "better" now- that I don't have any inner issues anymore but, I'm on the verge of breaking down in public everyday. I'm holding on the best that i can. I don't know how much longer i can handle this without any help.
|
deacie
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-05 12:21:31
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ptsd
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This is my first post so, sorry if there's mistakes. <efs>But its 6am as I'm typing this, i couldn't sleep and i just.. Felt like i had to get it out.<efe> Anyway. <es>I was raped back on August 2nd, 2019.<ee> <es>And.. It happened after i fully recovered from my previous trauma, there was maybe two weeks or maybe even less where i just...<ee> <es>Finally felt at peace with myself..<ee> <es>I didn't hold any self destructive anger towards my abusers anymore i just..<ee> <es>Let it all go.<ee> <es>I was finally back to being "normal" again after being... "Different" for... Most of my life.<ee> <es>I always had a promise to myself that if i was ever raped again i would kill myself.<ee> <es>So after i was raped during 2019 i was.. Completely broken.<ee> <es>I didn't want to call it rape because i couldn't... Deal with myself if i "let it happen again".<ee> <es>I get nightmares about it often and the day before i had another nightmare and it was of me.. Taking back my rapist after he begged me to.<ee> <efs>I get scared when i see red cars, because he had a red car.<efe> <efs>I don't like crucifixes because he had a crucifix above his door when he raped me.<efe> <efs>As dumb as it sounds, i don't like the store Target anymore because that's where i met him- and he told me he goes there often.<efe> <efs>I'm petrified of seeing him again.<efe> <es>I might see him again when i start college and i can't talk about this to anyone in my life.<ee> <es>Every time I've tried they've.. Ignored me basically.<ee> <es>Or they tell me i deserved it.<ee> <efs>Either way it's not pleasant and i feel like I'm back to step one of recovery.<efe> <es>I always wanna wear shoes that make me appear taller just so i feel safer and i never want to forget my knife at home because of the need for self defense.<ee> <rs>I want to change my appearance so drastically that he wouldn't recognize me if for some reason our paths crossed again.<re> <efs>Part of me wants to be everything he loathes just to spite him and because.. It is truly just who i am.<efe> <rs>I want to heal so badly i don't wanna take another 5 or more years for recovery.<re> <es>I don't think i can make it till then.<ee> <es>Don't know if i can be that success story.<ee> <efs>I feel like a lost cause.<efe> <efs>I feel all alone in this world, and i feel exposed everyday.<efe> <rs>I just want my armor back, i want to feel secure and carefree like i did during that brief time.<re> <efs>I wonder if I'll ever get better from this.<efe> <es>It's even more rough because everybody thinks I'm fine, and i hide my emotions well i suppose but.. It's like i drop hints to people and they just.. Still don't see it.<ee> <es>They think that just because my outward appearance is "better" now- that I don't have any inner issues anymore but, I'm on the verge of breaking down in public everyday.<ee> <es>I'm holding on the best that i can.<ee> <es>I don't know how much longer i can handle this without any help.<ee>
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Can you elaborate more on X ?
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what would help you heal from the trauma
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eioic2
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My goal/resolution: Don’t cut... made it 17ish hours.
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1a
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rant
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I didn’t even really notice what I was doing one second I was walking up the stairs to my room. Next I was getting out the knife, then I was like let’s not do this and then it was too late. I really want to keep going I stopped myself after a minor cut to write this. I want to really just go deeper I don’t know why. I don’t even really feel disappointed currently just sorta numb and my mind is like cutting can stop that numbness I don’t even know if I want to cut but it feels like I need to. I’m trying to think of the repercussions if I cut my arm deeper then usual right now. 1. No short sleeves 2. More cuts to clean out, bandage, etc. 3... idek I’m sorta lost and keep listening to sad songs for some reason.
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mmb123_
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-01 22:00:51
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selfharm
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<es>I didn’t even really notice what I was doing one second I was walking up the stairs to my room.<ee> <es>Next I was getting out the knife, then I was like let’s not do this and then it was too late.<ee> <es>I really want to keep going I stopped myself after a minor cut to write this.<ee> <es>I want to really just go deeper I don’t know why.<ee> <efs>I don’t even really feel disappointed currently just sorta numb and my mind is like cutting can stop that numbness I don’t even know if I want to cut but it feels like I need to.<efe> <es>I’m trying to think of the repercussions if I cut my arm deeper then usual right now.<ee> <es>1. No short sleeves<ee> <es>2. More cuts to clean out, bandage, etc.<ee> <es>3... idek I’m sorta lost and keep listening to sad songs for some reason.<ee>
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Can you elaborate more on X ?
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why you cut yourself
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What do you need help with now that X?
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you suddenly cut yourself again
| null | true | 120 |
eqphvk
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Howdy folks. Doin good. Latest video is up where I tell people how they can help the homeless.
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0
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chitchat
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Keep goin strong everyone in recovery, amd everyone else be safe. Thanks to everyone who watches my videos. Search Penny O'Radical, or youtube.com/nothingiseasylap
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Nothing_is_Easy
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-19 01:04:07
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OpiatesRecovery
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Keep goin strong everyone in recovery, amd everyone else be safe. Thanks to everyone who watches my videos. Search Penny O'Radical, or youtube.com/nothingiseasylap
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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random
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ejrp9k
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Do you ever feel as though you are unlovable and will always just be a burden?
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1a
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survey
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I never asked for what happened to me, but at the same time I did not fight for myself until years later. I almost feel as though it's just happening all over again.
I thought I made friends with a group of people who were introduced to me through a work friend. But...
Lately I have just been reliving the trauma, and I feel completely dead inside and hopeless 90% of the time.
I was invited to D&D sessions, but that all went to hell because I would drink too much and start talking too much about my feelings/the trauma, and the work friend who invited me has said that I'm just annoying now.
Like I get it, the games are supposed to be fun, but I was trying. It's why I showed up.
Before this last incident happened my bf also broke up with me, and told me he realized he never really loved me, but only wanted to fix me.
I WISH it was that easy to just get over myself and move on. But what is the point if nobody on earth will ever be able to truly value me unconditionally, especially if I can't even fucking do it? I feel like I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.
Am I just a selfish fucking waste of breath? Nothing is helping. Talking to friends is bullshit, because oh my god, if I say too much, I am annoying. Meds make me feel like a zombie most of the time. Talk therapy doesn't do anything. Mindfullness doesn't do anyrhing. Positive thinking only last for 5 seconds. I feel like I can't even breathe.
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cherrypiemoonshine
| 128 | 0 | 44 |
2020-01-04 04:31:23
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ptsd
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<efs>Do you ever feel as though you are unlovable and will always just be a burden?<efe> <es>I never asked for what happened to me, but at the same time I did not fight for myself until years later.<ee> <es>I almost feel as though it's just happening all over again.<ee> <es>I thought I made friends with a group of people who were introduced to me through a work friend.<ee> But... <efs>Lately I have just been reliving the trauma, and I feel completely dead inside and hopeless 90% of the time. <efe> <es>I was invited to D&D sessions, but that all went to hell because I would drink too much and start talking too much about my feelings/the trauma, and the work friend who invited me has said that I'm just annoying now.<ee> <es>Like I get it, the games are supposed to be fun, but I was trying.<ee> <es>It's why I showed up. <ee> <es>Before this last incident happened my bf also broke up with me, and told me he realized he never really loved me, but only wanted to fix me.<ee> I WISH it was that easy to just get over myself and move on. But what is the point if nobody on earth will ever be able to truly value me unconditionally, especially if I can't even fucking do it? <efs>I feel like I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.<efe> <rs>Am I just a selfish fucking waste of breath?<re> <es>Nothing is helping.<ee> <es>Talking to friends is bullshit, because oh my god, if I say too much, I am annoying.<ee> <efs>Meds make me feel like a zombie most of the time.<efe> <es>Talk therapy doesn't do anything.<ee> <es>Mindfullness doesn't do anyrhing.<ee> <es>Positive thinking only last for 5 seconds.<ee> <efs>I feel like I can't even breathe.<efe>
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What do you need help with now that X?
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you are unable to get over your trauma
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ei9jxo
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Happy new years everyone.
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0
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chitchat
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Hope 2020 will be significantly less shitty.
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SuperSonicSP
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2019-12-31 22:03:31
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depression
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Hope 2020 will be significantly less shitty.
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Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
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thought
| true | 0 |
ewybmm
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Enjoying masturbation after being abused?
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0
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help-seeking
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I've been abused years ago, and it never really seemed to have impacted on my sexual desires and masturbating habits. If anything, I seemed to enjoy masturbating even more after my second rape which happened when I was 21 (I'm currently 25).
However in the last few months, I started to cry whenever including penetration when masturbating. I haven't done it much ever since Halloween, but I reckon every single time, it made me cry. I don't even know why, it almost feels mecanical, I just end up crying quite soon after starting. I just want to enjoy my body, it's became a huge problem for me. I'm not sure what to do... Therapy sounds like the best option, but it's so hard to take the first step... Not to even mention how complicated it'd be regarding to money and other things...
What about you? How is masturbating after what happened? Am I the only one going through a tough phase, years after?
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Siberian-Blue
| 1 | 0 | 8 |
2020-02-01 01:04:35
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rapecounseling
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<es>I've been abused years ago, and it never really seemed to have impacted on my sexual desires and masturbating habits.<ee> <es>If anything, I seemed to enjoy masturbating even more after my second rape which happened when I was 21 (I'm currently 25).<ee> <es>However in the last few months, I started to cry whenever including penetration when masturbating.<ee> <efs>I haven't done it much ever since Halloween, but I reckon every single time, it made me cry.<efe> <efs>I don't even know why, it almost feels mecanical, I just end up crying quite soon after starting.<efe> <rs>I just want to enjoy my body, it's became a huge problem for me.<re> <es>I'm not sure what to do... Therapy sounds like the best option, but it's so hard to take the first step... Not to even mention how complicated it'd be regarding to money and other things... <ee> <rs>What about you?<re> <rs>How is masturbating after what happened?<re> <rs>Am I the only one going through a tough phase, years after?<re>
| 2 | 2 | 2 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
erqgdb
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Potentially Triggering: Just need to talk about my ex-boyfriend. He's filing a Title IX against me. I thought he was abusive to me, but now I'm questioning if I was in the wrong
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1b
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help-seeking
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Cole and I began dating towards the end of my freshman year. We had a relationship for a year and a half which was turbulent at times, but I learned a lot from him.
Early on, I made it clear that I was not comfortable having intimate relations with him and told him that I was not having sex for the remainder of my freshman year. He repeatedly pushed that boundary and would ask me to engage in acts I had refused to do. When I said “I would rather not. I’m sorry”, he would either tell me it was something his girlfriend did all the time and I needed to get over my conservative upbringing or he would tell me this was something he needed. He compared sex to hamburgers in one conversation and explained that if he hasn’t eaten, he can’t be a good boyfriend. Likewise, if he hasn’t had sex with me before we go out on a date, he can’t be a good boyfriend. I felt like I was doing something wrong by saying no, and I was told I was a bad girlfriend because wasn’t fulfilling my role. So I began letting him push that boundary.
I was inexperienced and had little to compare Cole with, but felt that physical intimacy with him was rougher than I wanted. After spending time with him, I would have bruises on my breasts, thighs, and neck and my nipples and lips would be bleeding. I would tell him to stop doing something because it hurt, and he wouldn’t. The first time he started chocking me he did not tell me what he was about to do and I was caught off-guard. I felt panicked and asked him to stop. I told him I wasn’t interested in that. A few days later he chocked me again, but this time he put one hand over my mouth so I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t know if this was normal or not, but I felt scared.
I had a mutual friend with Cole. While Cole and I were dating I confided my concerns to this friend. I wanted to know if this was normal and I wanted to know if he though Cole was a safe guy to be around. He recommended I get out of the relationship and told me what I was describing were red flags. The next day I tried to broach the topic with Cole. He told me that our friend had a crush on me and was trying to break us up. He told me that I shouldn’t listen to him and explained how much he cared about me. I believed Cole and continued in our relationship.
Over the summer we texted extensively. He invited me to visit him in his home state to meet his parents, but last minutes his parents turned out to be busy and it would just be me, him, and his sister in the house. During that visit, he told me he was worried that I was a quitter. I had asked to hold off on sex the first night because I was tired from my flight and didn’t think I would have fun. Cole told me I was giving up on him. He said that sex was something I had to work on, and I didn’t have a strong work ethic. That statement staid with me through our whole relationship and motivated me to do things when I didn’t want to. We ended up sleeping together that night. The following day I was supposed to meet his friends at a party. The whole day, Cole seemed to be in a bad mood. I asked him what was going on and he told me that he was embarrassed for his friends to see me. When I asked why he explained how beautiful his ex was, and that his friends would think less of him for dating someone who looked like me. My confidence was shaken going into meet his friends, and I felt like I was letting him down. He still slept with me that night after the party, and told me he didn’t understand why he was so attracted to me when I was objectively unattractive.
The next time we saw each other in person was the beginning of sophomore year. I was in town for my Dad’s conference and had gotten Cole an invitation to come to the events as my plus one. He picked me up from the airport and we were supposed to head straight to the hotel for the first event. I was anxious to be there on time, but he said he wouldn’t be able to focus and pulled off on a side street where he had me get into the back of the car. We arrived at the dinner late. During the week or so that I was in town, we were intimate regularly. He knew that I don’t drink, but one night towards the end of my visit he took me to his friend’s dorm and I had a few drinks. I blacked out, but the next morning Cole told me how much he had enjoyed last night. I told him I didn’t remember what had happened and felt a little freaked out. He said it wasn’t a big deal. We broke up, but two weeks later got back together. When we got back together he told me that the issues in the relationship were my fault – I wasn’t affection enough and didn’t give him enough attention, so I agreed to try again and that I would be better. I figured I had overreacted and that he was right – I was inexperienced with relationships and I had messed this up.
That semester I was in DC, but we would facetime every night. Cole wanted nudes, which I wasn’t comfortable sending, or for me to undress on the video. I was worried about my privacy, but he told me that he would break up with me if I didn’t. So I did. I felt like were spending too much time on the phone and wanted to have some space to explore DC. When I started making friends with other interns, though, Cole was concerned. He started to get depressed and said he needed me to be there for him. He told me he felt insecure about me spending time with other guys, and that I didn’t know they were hitting on me. I stopped hanging out with the male interns and spent more time on the phone with Cole in the evenings.
During this time, we started to talk about his relationship with sex. He told me he masturbated 8 times a week and honestly couldn’t get through a day without it. I suggested that he look into sex addiction meetings. I had been to AA meetings which had helped me, and I thought this might be a potential avenue for him. He apologized to me for using me to replace masturbation and told me how he didn’t see me as a person when we were sleeping together. I didn’t want to quit on him, and I offered to help support him through this and we would work things out. I suggested he try meeting with a sex therapist and sent him the contact info of some people in the Springs who he could look into. I told him that I obviously wasn’t a professional, but maybe someone else could help. It seemed like he wanted to do things differently and make a change, but then things shifted and he got angry with me for suggesting that his relationship with sex wasn’t healthy and told me I was the problem. He said the issue was my religion and how I had been taught to think about sex. I was open to trying to fix things on my end if that is what he needed.
Later he came out to visit me for a long weekend. I was excited to show him around and finally see him in person, but he wasn’t in a good mood. He asked to cancel the plans I had made for the first evening and sleep with me instead. He went out to get condoms and asked me to send him photos of myself while he was gone. I did. I knew he liked bondage and that was something I hadn’t been willing to do, but I thought it might cheer him up. So I blindfolded myself and tied myself to the bed just before he got back. He laughed when he saw me and then gagged me before having sex with me. He didn’t ask to gag me. I tried to spit it out and tell him to be gentler because my thighs were still bruised, but before I could finish speaking he had shoved it back in my mouth. When he was done, I started crying. I wanted to leave and go home for the night (we were renting an Air BnB because my lodgings were single sex). He grabbed my phone before I could call an Uber and convinced me to stay.
Before that same trip, I had told him nothing could happen during the one night we were staying at my parents’ house. He agreed at the time, but when we arrived he had me come down to the guest room and help him with his application for Honor Council. Then he told me to get in the shower, shoved me to my knees, grabbed my hair to the point where it hurt badly, and forced me on him until I was chocking. He did not stop when I tapped him and I threw up.
After the visit, I told him I needed some space. I told him it wasn’t his fault, but I needed to break up with him and take care of myself. The relationship had been wearing me down and I wanted to be able to enjoy my last month in DC. He still called me all the time after we broke up. During the holidays, he called me regularly telling me he was depressed and needed help. I tried to be there for him as a friend and as best I could. When second semester started we were both back on campus and I went to give him his things and take back my stuff which he had. He tried to hook up with me. I told him I didn’t want to get back together, so he proposed friends-with-benefits. I said no, but he continued to ask me. A few days later, I agreed. The sex got rougher. He had e buy him a pair of handcuffs and he bought a whip. He started using his pocket knife on me, drawing blood at times. He did not ask before using any of these items. We never came up with a safe word or a way for me to get him to stop if I needed him to. At the time, I started going on dinner-dates with other people. Cole got upset and gave me an ultimatum to pick him. I stopped going on dinner-dates.
After the ultimatum, we got back together. It was mostly just sex and a lot of it. I stopped spending as much time with my friends and would drop everything when he texted me to come over. Eventually I asked to try something that wouldn’t hurt me as much. He showed me the more “tame” porn he liked which was called something like free access where the woman just acts like nothing his happening. He would set me up watching Netflix or reading and tell me to act like it wasn’t even happening. I tried not to show that I was in pain. Sex with him was painful. He wasn’t interested in doing anything for me and did not engage in foreplay. It was a long time before he was willing to try using lube. I would tell him to stop when it hurt to much, but usually he wouldn’t. Things never got gentler. During this time we argued a lot, and I wasn’t happy. I don’t think he was either.
We took a road trip so I could help him drive his car home. He said he couldn’t go six days without sex. We got into a fight about that and he slept with me. Afterwards I told him I was upset he had done that and he shouldn’t have gone ahead with it when I wasn’t comfortable. He seemed upset after that told me to stay in Vegas and book a flight out from there. Eventually it blew over and he slept with me again the next day. The visit with his parents was more of the same. I wanted to meet them, but felt like we spend the majority of the trip in the guest room.
We texted during the summer until he came out to see me in July for my birthday. He picked out lingerie and asked me to buy it for when he came to visit. He didn’t communicate what he was doing, but the first or second morning he was in Colorado he basically acted out a rape fantasy which he had expressed having before. He asked me to put on the clothes he had me purchase and then ripped them off and shoved me to the ground. He chased me and restrained me while I fought back with all my might. He eventually was able to hold me down long enough to penetrate me. We both had injuries afterwards. He had not told me what was happening before he started and didn’t give me a safe word. I had no way of getting him to stop.
About a week later, I called him up in tears. I told him I was feeling suicidal and needed help. He contacted my mom who contacted my aunt in the Springs who showed up at the house I was staying at. I was upset with Cole for communicating to my mother. I yelled at him and told him never to contact me again. The next day I apologized and he said we were done. I agreed we should be over. I was at a conference in California later in early August. Cole and I had been planning to see each other for dinner, and he texted to ask if I still wanted to do dinner. I agreed and we confirmed that we would not be dating. When I arrived back on campus we tried to be friends. Within the first few weeks, however, we hooked up. I told him I did not want to go down the path of friends-with-benefits again. He told me maybe we could get back together. I thought I wanted that, and offered to try and make things work, but said I wasn’t sure I wanted to sleep with him until then. The constant back and forth relationship with Cole wore me down heavily during the first two blocks of this year. I started to reflect on the relationship and realized some problems I had taken for granted. I told Cole that he ought to know what he did wasn’t okay. I wanted some closure for myself and I genuinely don’t think he was aware how hurtful his actions had been. He was worried I might tell someone about what had happened between us. He said if I talked about our sex-life, it would ruin his life. He told me he would kill himself if I told anyone. The only way we could be friends, according to him, was if I made a video saying that any allegation I might ever make against him was false. The fact that he was that worried about me telling people did reinforce my suspicion that our sex life had been abusive, but I also felt an immense amount of guilt and worried that if I told anyone I would be responsible for hurting him.
For unrelated mental health reasons, I made a suicide attempt during the second month of school. The stress from my relationship with Cole didn’t help, but I would not blame him for my mental health issues. He came over that night after I had overdosed and was sleeping over when he realized I wasn’t okay. He asked what was going on and I told him I had overdosed earlier. We waited a few hours before going to the hospital. He visited me regularly when I was at the hospital and was immensely kind. He introduced himself to everyone as my boyfriend. Shortly after I got out, I decided to take him on a date and we hooked up afterwards. I thought we were dating at this point. The first words out of his mouth after we hooked up were “Obviously we aren’t dating, but that was fun”. I was heartbroken. He left to Greece the following day and we didn’t communicate much when he was in Greece.
When he got back to campus late November, we went back to trying to be friends. I was excited when he received the summer work he wanted. We kissed a few times, but neither of us wanted that to go anywhere. I started seeing someone else who I genuinely liked, and Cole was kind enough to drive me to get birth control. Then the break came. We fought constantly over the break. Holidays at home are hard for both of us, and we were both on edge. We brought up old fights over how I had hurt him in the past and how he had hurt me. He made threats about the pictures that he had. We decided to postpone the conversation until we were both in a better spot. When we scheduled to talk, though, he texted me to say he didn’t really want to talk and then he stopped responding to me. I didn’t know what was happening and was upset. I begged him to call me. I was worried he was going to do something with the photos he had of me. I started to draft a description of the issues in our relationship, but found it too hard to write about any of this. I still find writing about this hard. I told him to pick up the phone and talk to me before he did anything with my photos. Then I said I could post my experiences to Facebook if anything happened. But the truth was I couldn’t write it all out. On my personal facebook page, and ONLY my personal facebook page, I posted a short description of how he had emotionally worn me down. I had started with the easiest topic for me to discuss. He still did not get in touch with me. I later learned he contacted a close friend of mine who told him what the facebook page said. She did not tell me to take the post down. She read it and asked if I was okay. She supported and still supports my right to talk about how the relationship was emotionally and physically abusive as well as the impact which that has had on me.
After making the post, I immediately took it down. I remembered Cole’s threat and worried that he had hurt himself. I told him I was worried about that and was so sorry. I realized I had done something wrong by going public. I didn’t want him to get hurt. Eventually he responded and told me he was okay. We talked things out and agreed to go back to being friends.
This was the Facebook post:
>As some of you may know, Cole Grubb and I were in an on-again off-again relationship for a year and a half. I wanted to take some space to talk about how that relationship impacted me.
From the very beginning of our relationship, he made derogatory comments about my physical appearance on a regular basis. He told me it was good for me to hear these negative things because that way I would know the truth, and I believed him. But the comments wore me down over time. He hated all my clothes, my skin, my hair, and felt the need to comment on it regularly. When I was supposed to meet his friends for the first time, he told me he was embarrassed to introduce me as his girlfriend. He said his ex had been beautiful, and they would think less of him when he showed up with me. Those constant comments throughout our relationship hurt my confidence immensely, and what made it so much harder is that he would say these things and then be physically intimate with me. He said he didn’t understand why he was attracted to me. He told me it didn’t make any sense because I wasn’t objectively pretty — and then he would kiss me.
A few days later, he stopped responding. I was worried he had done something to hurt himself because he had been alluding to that during our conversations earlier. At this point I venmoed him to try and get a response and find out if he was okay. He responded and thanked me for my apologies and wanted to talk. He refunded me on venmo. A day or two later he asked for nudes. I sent them asked if he wanted to send any back. He said no because he didn’t trust me and then stopped responding. I was worried and asked him to delete my pictures. He didn’t respond until much later. At that point I decided it was best if we both took some space, so we stopped talking. A little later I started a new medical procedure that I assumed he would want to be informed of and texted him that I was beginning that. He never responded. I stopped reaching out until I saw notifications saying that he was unliking and unhearting texts from our older conversations. I tried to get in touch with him to ask what was going on. He never responded.
During this winter break I had a life-changing experience with the new person I was seeing. I assumed after the relationship with Cole that rough sex was just what guys liked. The person I was seeing later told me the sex we were having had been rough, but I had been desensitized to what rought was. At least he would ask me for a blow job rather than just physically making me do it. When he pulled my hair it was never so hard that it hurt. When I asked to stop something, he would. He never bruised me or hurt me. He checked in with how I was doing. Later on I offered to try out a rape fantasy, but halfway through he stopped. He asked me if I was enjoying it and I said sure, it was fine. To be honest, it had been a long time since I had even considered if I enjoyed a sexual act or not. He said I seemed scared and we didn’t have to do this. He was right. I was scared and remembering all the things that had been done to my body in the past. I burst into tears. I hadn’t realized what Cole and I were doing wasn’t the way things had to be. I hadn’t realized how much I had hated it. To have someone here who was trying to check in with me, give me an opportunity to have a safe word, and be careful about actually hurting me was revolutionary. I cried and told him what my sex life had looked like. He was shocked. It was the first time anyone else had told me that what Cole and I had been doing wasn’t normal and it felt so validating. I had come to view sex as something scary and painful that I was obligated to do. This guy offered to take things really slow and focus on what I enjoyed and help me find out what I enjoyed. Cole had never done anything which would have been pleasurable for someone with my anatomy. I am still rebuilding the scars that relationship left behind and am finally learning what it means to have someone respect my body. I am finally learning what it means to do what I like rather than what someone else likes at the expense of my well-being.
Just as I was coming to terms with the idea that maybe I had spent a year and a half in an abusive relationship, that maybe this relationship I had escaped was part of why I had become so unhappy, I received a Title IX order. Cole’s Mom had filed a report regarding the Facebook post. It initially felt invalidating – I was the perpetrator, so maybe all that stuff Cole had done was acceptable. I was the one in the wrong. That revolutionary moment was just some guy overreacting to a perfectly normal story. Maybe we were both at fault here, and we were both victims in some sense? Can the relationship was toxic and abusive, but neither one of us are individually at fault.
I know that he could easily write six pages about all the ways I hurt him. He had to deal with me being needy and making a threat to post something on Facebook. I know what I did posting that was wrong. Threatening anyone’s reputation for any reason is unacceptable and I feel pretty ashamed about how I handled that situation. He also put up with a lot from me when I was dealing with my depression and anxiety, and he was there for me during a lot of it.
I'm terrified to go forward during this Title IX investigation. I don't have a good relationship with school admin and I've never told anyone about these problems except for the guy I'm currently seeing. I don't want to drag out the process - the sooner it is over the better - but when I write my response, I could include some of the problems I faced in the relationship and have my story hear. I want to move on, but I also want Cole to know how much damage he did, how many scars he left behind, and how his actions had consequences for me.
Honestly, I would be happy if he gets that no contact order. It will help me from falling back into a toxic relationship, and it will be a very long time before I get into another relationship. Clearly I was unstable, mean, and insecure. I have a lot to work on before I can be a good partner for anyone. If any one has advice for how I can deal with my end, I'd appreciate it.
I know this is a long post, but I could use some validation, to be frank. Do you think I was in the wrong? What can I work on here? Was this abuse from him, or is it all in my head? Was I the abusive one here?
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AnyMouseCanSpeak
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2020-01-21 06:02:25
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rapecounseling
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<es>Cole and I began dating towards the end of my freshman year.<ee> <es>We had a relationship for a year and a half which was turbulent at times, but I learned a lot from him.<ee> <es>Early on, I made it clear that I was not comfortable having intimate relations with him and told him that I was not having sex for the remainder of my freshman year.<ee> <es>He repeatedly pushed that boundary and would ask me to engage in acts I had refused to do.<ee> <es>When I said “I would rather not. I’m sorry”, he would either tell me it was something his girlfriend did all the time and I needed to get over my conservative upbringing or he would tell me this was something he needed.<ee> <es>He compared sex to hamburgers in one conversation and explained that if he hasn’t eaten, he can’t be a good boyfriend.<ee> <es>Likewise, if he hasn’t had sex with me before we go out on a date, he can’t be a good boyfriend.<ee> <es>I felt like I was doing something wrong by saying no, and I was told I was a bad girlfriend because wasn’t fulfilling my role.<ee> <es>So I began letting him push that boundary.<ee> <es>I was inexperienced and had little to compare Cole with, but felt that physical intimacy with him was rougher than I wanted.<ee> <es>After spending time with him, I would have bruises on my breasts, thighs, and neck and my nipples and lips would be bleeding.<ee> <es>I would tell him to stop doing something because it hurt, and he wouldn’t.<ee> <es>The first time he started chocking me he did not tell me what he was about to do and I was caught off-guard.<ee> <es>I felt panicked and asked him to stop.<ee> <es>I told him I wasn’t interested in that.<ee> <es>A few days later he chocked me again, but this time he put one hand over my mouth so I couldn’t say anything.<ee> <es>I didn’t know if this was normal or not, but I felt scared.<ee> <es>I had a mutual friend with Cole.<ee> <es>While Cole and I were dating I confided my concerns to this friend.<ee> <es>I wanted to know if this was normal and I wanted to know if he though Cole was a safe guy to be around.<ee> <es>He recommended I get out of the relationship and told me what I was describing were red flags.<ee> <es>The next day I tried to broach the topic with Cole.<ee> <es>He told me that our friend had a crush on me and was trying to break us up.<ee> <es>He told me that I shouldn’t listen to him and explained how much he cared about me.<ee> <es>I believed Cole and continued in our relationship.<ee> <es>Over the summer we texted extensively.<ee> <es>He invited me to visit him in his home state to meet his parents, but last minutes his parents turned out to be busy and it would just be me, him, and his sister in the house.<ee> <es>During that visit, he told me he was worried that I was a quitter.<ee> <es>I had asked to hold off on sex the first night because I was tired from my flight and didn’t think I would have fun.<ee> <es>Cole told me I was giving up on him.<ee> <es>He said that sex was something I had to work on, and I didn’t have a strong work ethic.<ee> <es>That statement staid with me through our whole relationship and motivated me to do things when I didn’t want to.<ee> <es>We ended up sleeping together that night.<ee> <es>The following day I was supposed to meet his friends at a party.<ee> <es>The whole day, Cole seemed to be in a bad mood.<ee> <es>I asked him what was going on and he told me that he was embarrassed for his friends to see me.<ee> <es>When I asked why he explained how beautiful his ex was, and that his friends would think less of him for dating someone who looked like me.<ee> <es>My confidence was shaken going into meet his friends, and I felt like I was letting him down.<ee> <es>He still slept with me that night after the party, and told me he didn’t understand why he was so attracted to me when I was objectively unattractive.<ee> <es>The next time we saw each other in person was the beginning of sophomore year.<ee> <es>I was in town for my Dad’s conference and had gotten Cole an invitation to come to the events as my plus one.<ee> <es>He picked me up from the airport and we were supposed to head straight to the hotel for the first event.<ee> <es>I was anxious to be there on time, but he said he wouldn’t be able to focus and pulled off on a side street where he had me get into the back of the car.<ee> <es>We arrived at the dinner late.<ee> <es>During the week or so that I was in town, we were intimate regularly.<ee> <es>He knew that I don’t drink, but one night towards the end of my visit he took me to his friend’s dorm and I had a few drinks.<ee> <es>I blacked out, but the next morning Cole told me how much he had enjoyed last night.<ee> <es>I told him I didn’t remember what had happened and felt a little freaked out.<ee> <es>He said it wasn’t a big deal. We broke up, but two weeks later got back together.<ee> <es>When we got back together he told me that the issues in the relationship were my fault – I wasn’t affection enough and didn’t give him enough attention, so I agreed to try again and that I would be better.<ee> <es>I figured I had overreacted and that he was right – I was inexperienced with relationships and I had messed this up.<ee> <es>That semester I was in DC, but we would facetime every night.<ee> <es>Cole wanted nudes, which I wasn’t comfortable sending, or for me to undress on the video.<ee> <es>I was worried about my privacy, but he told me that he would break up with me if I didn’t.<ee> <es>So I did.<ee> <es>I felt like were spending too much time on the phone and wanted to have some space to explore DC.<ee> <es>When I started making friends with other interns, though, Cole was concerned.<ee> <es>He started to get depressed and said he needed me to be there for him.<ee> <es>He told me he felt insecure about me spending time with other guys, and that I didn’t know they were hitting on me.<ee> <es>I stopped hanging out with the male interns and spent more time on the phone with Cole in the evenings.<ee> <es>During this time, we started to talk about his relationship with sex.<ee> <es> He told me he masturbated 8 times a week and honestly couldn’t get through a day without it.<ee> <es> I suggested that he look into sex addiction meetings.<ee> <es> I had been to AA meetings which had helped me, and I thought this might be a potential avenue for him.<ee> <es> He apologized to me for using me to replace masturbation and told me how he didn’t see me as a person when we were sleeping together.<ee> <es> I didn’t want to quit on him, and I offered to help support him through this and we would work things out.<ee> <es> I suggested he try meeting with a sex therapist and sent him the contact info of some people in the Springs who he could look into.<ee> <es> I told him that I obviously wasn’t a professional, but maybe someone else could help.<ee> <es> It seemed like he wanted to do things differently and make a change, but then things shifted and he got angry with me for suggesting that his relationship with sex wasn’t healthy and told me I was the problem.<ee> <es> He said the issue was my religion and how I had been taught to think about sex.<ee> <es> I was open to trying to fix things on my end if that is what he needed.<ee> <es>Later he came out to visit me for a long weekend.<ee> <es> I was excited to show him around and finally see him in person, but he wasn’t in a good mood.<ee> <es> He asked to cancel the plans I had made for the first evening and sleep with me instead.<ee> <es> He went out to get condoms and asked me to send him photos of myself while he was gone.<ee> <es> I did.<ee> <es> I knew he liked bondage and that was something I hadn’t been willing to do, but I thought it might cheer him up.<ee> <es> So I blindfolded myself and tied myself to the bed just before he got back.<ee> <es> He laughed when he saw me and then gagged me before having sex with me.<ee> <es> He didn’t ask to gag me.<ee> <es> I tried to spit it out and tell him to be gentler because my thighs were still bruised, but before I could finish speaking he had shoved it back in my mouth.<ee> <es> When he was done, I started crying.<ee> <es> I wanted to leave and go home for the night (we were renting an Air BnB because my lodgings were single sex).<ee> <es> He grabbed my phone before I could call an Uber and convinced me to stay.<ee> <es>Before that same trip, I had told him nothing could happen during the one night we were staying at my parents’ house.<ee> <es> He agreed at the time, but when we arrived he had me come down to the guest room and help him with his application for Honor Council.<ee> <es> Then he told me to get in the shower, shoved me to my knees, grabbed my hair to the point where it hurt badly, and forced me on him until I was chocking.<ee> <es> He did not stop when I tapped him and I threw up.<ee> <es>After the visit, I told him I needed some space.<ee> <es> I told him it wasn’t his fault, but I needed to break up with him and take care of myself.<ee> <es> The relationship had been wearing me down and I wanted to be able to enjoy my last month in DC.<ee> <es> He still called me all the time after we broke up.<ee> <es> During the holidays, he called me regularly telling me he was depressed and needed help.<ee> <es> I tried to be there for him as a friend and as best I could.<ee> <es> When second semester started we were both back on campus and I went to give him his things and take back my stuff which he had.<ee> <es> He tried to hook up with me.<ee> <es> I told him I didn’t want to get back together, so he proposed friends-with-benefits.<ee> <es> I said no, but he continued to ask me.<ee> <es> A few days later, I agreed.<ee> <es> The sex got rougher.<ee> <es> He had e buy him a pair of handcuffs and he bought a whip.<ee> <es> He started using his pocket knife on me, drawing blood at times.<ee> <es> He did not ask before using any of these items.<ee> <es> We never came up with a safe word or a way for me to get him to stop if I needed him to.<ee> <es> At the time, I started going on dinner-dates with other people.<ee> <es> Cole got upset and gave me an ultimatum to pick him.<ee> <es> I stopped going on dinner-dates.<ee> <es>After the ultimatum, we got back together.<ee> <es> It was mostly just sex and a lot of it.<ee> <es> I stopped spending as much time with my friends and would drop everything when he texted me to come over.<ee> <es> Eventually I asked to try something that wouldn’t hurt me as much.<ee> <es> He showed me the more “tame” porn he liked which was called something like free access where the woman just acts like nothing his happening.<ee> <es> He would set me up watching Netflix or reading and tell me to act like it wasn’t even happening.<ee> <es> I tried not to show that I was in pain.<ee> <es> Sex with him was painful.<ee> <es> He wasn’t interested in doing anything for me and did not engage in foreplay.<ee> <es> It was a long time before he was willing to try using lube.<ee> <es> I would tell him to stop when it hurt to much, but usually he wouldn’t.<ee> <es> Things never got gentler.<ee> <es> During this time we argued a lot, and I wasn’t happy.<ee> <es> I don’t think he was either.<ee> <es>We took a road trip so I could help him drive his car home.<ee> <es> He said he couldn’t go six days without sex.<ee> <es> We got into a fight about that and he slept with me.<ee> <es> Afterwards I told him I was upset he had done that and he shouldn’t have gone ahead with it when I wasn’t comfortable.<ee> <es> He seemed upset after that told me to stay in Vegas and book a flight out from there.<ee> <es> Eventually it blew over and he slept with me again the next day.<ee> <es> The visit with his parents was more of the same.<ee> <es> I wanted to meet them, but felt like we spend the majority of the trip in the guest room.<ee> <es>We texted during the summer until he came out to see me in July for my birthday.<ee> <es> He picked out lingerie and asked me to buy it for when he came to visit.<ee> <es> He didn’t communicate what he was doing, but the first or second morning he was in Colorado he basically acted out a rape fantasy which he had expressed having before.<ee> <es> He asked me to put on the clothes he had me purchase and then ripped them off and shoved me to the ground.<ee> <es> He chased me and restrained me while I fought back with all my might.<ee> <es> He eventually was able to hold me down long enough to penetrate me.<ee> <es> We both had injuries afterwards.<ee> <es> He had not told me what was happening before he started and didn’t give me a safe word.<ee> <es> I had no way of getting him to stop.<ee> <es>About a week later, I called him up in tears.<ee> <es> I told him I was feeling suicidal and needed help.<ee> <es> He contacted my mom who contacted my aunt in the Springs who showed up at the house I was staying at.<ee> <es> I was upset with Cole for communicating to my mother.<ee> <es> I yelled at him and told him never to contact me again.<ee> <es> The next day I apologized and he said we were done.<ee> <es> I agreed we should be over.<ee> <es> I was at a conference in California later in early August.<ee> <es> Cole and I had been planning to see each other for dinner, and he texted to ask if I still wanted to do dinner.<ee> <es> I agreed and we confirmed that we would not be dating.<ee> <es> When I arrived back on campus we tried to be friends.<ee> <es> Within the first few weeks, however, we hooked up.<ee> <es> I told him I did not want to go down the path of friends-with-benefits again.<ee> <es> He told me maybe we could get back together.<ee> <es> I thought I wanted that, and offered to try and make things work, but said I wasn’t sure I wanted to sleep with him until then.<ee> <es> The constant back and forth relationship with Cole wore me down heavily during the first two blocks of this year.<ee> <es> I started to reflect on the relationship and realized some problems I had taken for granted.<ee> <es> I told Cole that he ought to know what he did wasn’t okay.<ee> <es> I wanted some closure for myself and I genuinely don’t think he was aware how hurtful his actions had been.<ee> <es> He was worried I might tell someone about what had happened between us.<ee> <es> He said if I talked about our sex-life, it would ruin his life.<ee> <es> He told me he would kill himself if I told anyone.<ee> <es> The only way we could be friends, according to him, was if I made a video saying that any allegation I might ever make against him was false.<ee> <es> The fact that he was that worried about me telling people did reinforce my suspicion that our sex life had been abusive, but I also felt an immense amount of guilt and worried that if I told anyone I would be responsible for hurting him.<ee> <es>For unrelated mental health reasons, I made a suicide attempt during the second month of school.<ee> <es> The stress from my relationship with Cole didn’t help, but I would not blame him for my mental health issues.<ee> <es> He came over that night after I had overdosed and was sleeping over when he realized I wasn’t okay.<ee> <es> He asked what was going on and I told him I had overdosed earlier.<ee> <es> We waited a few hours before going to the hospital.<ee> <es> He visited me regularly when I was at the hospital and was immensely kind.<ee> <es> He introduced himself to everyone as my boyfriend.<ee> <es> Shortly after I got out, I decided to take him on a date and we hooked up afterwards.<ee> <es> I thought we were dating at this point.<ee> <es> The first words out of his mouth after we hooked up were “Obviously we aren’t dating, but that was fun”.<ee> <es> I was heartbroken.<ee> <es> He left to Greece the following day and we didn’t communicate much when he was in Greece.<ee> <es>When he got back to campus late November, we went back to trying to be friends.<ee> <es> I was excited when he received the summer work he wanted.<ee> <es> We kissed a few times, but neither of us wanted that to go anywhere.<ee> <es> I started seeing someone else who I genuinely liked, and Cole was kind enough to drive me to get birth control.<ee> <es> Then the break came.<ee> <es> We fought constantly over the break.<ee> <es> Holidays at home are hard for both of us, and we were both on edge.<ee> <es> We brought up old fights over how I had hurt him in the past and how he had hurt me.<ee> <es> He made threats about the pictures that he had.<ee> <es> We decided to postpone the conversation until we were both in a better spot.<ee> <es> When we scheduled to talk, though, he texted me to say he didn’t really want to talk and then he stopped responding to me.<ee> <es> I didn’t know what was happening and was upset.<ee> <es> I begged him to call me.<ee> <es> I was worried he was going to do something with the photos he had of me.<ee> <es> I started to draft a description of the issues in our relationship, but found it too hard to write about any of this.<ee> <es> I still find writing about this hard.<ee> <es> I told him to pick up the phone and talk to me before he did anything with my photos.<ee> <es> Then I said I could post my experiences to Facebook if anything happened.<ee> <es> But the truth was I couldn’t write it all out.<ee> <es> On my personal facebook page, and ONLY my personal facebook page, I posted a short description of how he had emotionally worn me down.<ee> <es> I had started with the easiest topic for me to discuss.<ee> <es> He still did not get in touch with me.<ee> <es> I later learned he contacted a close friend of mine who told him what the facebook page said.<ee> <es> She did not tell me to take the post down.<ee> <es> She read it and asked if I was okay.<ee> <es> She supported and still supports my right to talk about how the relationship was emotionally and physically abusive as well as the impact which that has had on me.<ee> <es>After making the post, I immediately took it down.<ee> <es> I remembered Cole’s threat and worried that he had hurt himself.<ee> <es> I told him I was worried about that and was so sorry.<ee> <es> I realized I had done something wrong by going public.<ee> <es> I didn’t want him to get hurt.<ee> <es> Eventually he responded and told me he was okay.<ee> <es> We talked things out and agreed to go back to being friends.<ee> <es>This was the Facebook post: >As some of you may know, Cole Grubb and I were in an on-again off-again relationship for a year and a half.<ee> <es> I wanted to take some space to talk about how that relationship impacted me.<ee> <es>From the very beginning of our relationship, he made derogatory comments about my physical appearance on a regular basis.<ee> <es> He told me it was good for me to hear these negative things because that way I would know the truth, and I believed him.<ee> <es> But the comments wore me down over time.<ee> <es> He hated all my clothes, my skin, my hair, and felt the need to comment on it regularly.<ee> <es> When I was supposed to meet his friends for the first time, he told me he was embarrassed to introduce me as his girlfriend.<ee> <es> He said his ex had been beautiful, and they would think less of him when he showed up with me.<ee> <es> Those constant comments throughout our relationship hurt my confidence immensely, and what made it so much harder is that he would say these things and then be physically intimate with me.<ee> <es> He said he didn’t understand why he was attracted to me.<ee> <es> He told me it didn’t make any sense because I wasn’t objectively pretty — and then he would kiss me.<ee> <es>A few days later, he stopped responding.<ee> <es> I was worried he had done something to hurt himself because he had been alluding to that during our conversations earlier.<ee> <es> At this point I venmoed him to try and get a response and find out if he was okay.<ee> <es> He responded and thanked me for my apologies and wanted to talk.<ee> <es> He refunded me on venmo.<ee> <es> A day or two later he asked for nudes.<ee> <es> I sent them asked if he wanted to send any back.<ee> <es> He said no because he didn’t trust me and then stopped responding.<ee> <es> I was worried and asked him to delete my pictures.<ee> <es> He didn’t respond until much later.<ee> <es> At that point I decided it was best if we both took some space, so we stopped talking.<ee> <es> A little later I started a new medical procedure that I assumed he would want to be informed of and texted him that I was beginning that.<ee> <es> He never responded.<ee> <es> I stopped reaching out until I saw notifications saying that he was unliking and unhearting texts from our older conversations.<ee> <es> I tried to get in touch with him to ask what was going on.<ee> <es> He never responded.<ee> <es>During this winter break I had a life-changing experience with the new person I was seeing.<ee> <es>I assumed after the relationship with Cole that rough sex was just what guys liked.<ee> <es>The person I was seeing later told me the sex we were having had been rough, but I had been desensitized to what rought was.<ee> <es>At least he would ask me for a blow job rather than just physically making me do it.<ee> <es>When he pulled my hair it was never so hard that it hurt.<ee> <es>When I asked to stop something, he would.<ee> <es>He never bruised me or hurt me.<ee> <es>He checked in with how I was doing.<ee> <es>Later on I offered to try out a rape fantasy, but halfway through he stopped.<ee> <es>He asked me if I was enjoying it and I said sure, it was fine.<ee> <es>To be honest, it had been a long time since I had even considered if I enjoyed a sexual act or not.<ee> <es>He said I seemed scared and we didn’t have to do this.<ee> <es>He was right.<ee> <efs>I was scared and remembering all the things that had been done to my body in the past.<efe> <efs>I burst into tears.<efe> <es>I hadn’t realized what Cole and I were doing wasn’t the way things had to be.<ee> <es>I hadn’t realized how much I had hated it.<ee> <es>To have someone here who was trying to check in with me, give me an opportunity to have a safe word, and be careful about actually hurting me was revolutionary.<ee> <es>I cried and told him what my sex life had looked like.<ee> <es>He was shocked.<ee> <es>It was the first time anyone else had told me that what Cole and I had been doing wasn’t normal and it felt so validating.<ee> <efs>I had come to view sex as something scary and painful that I was obligated to do.<efe> <es>This guy offered to take things really slow and focus on what I enjoyed and help me find out what I enjoyed.<ee> <es>Cole had never done anything which would have been pleasurable for someone with my anatomy.<ee> <es>I am still rebuilding the scars that relationship left behind and am finally learning what it means to have someone respect my body.<ee> <es>I am finally learning what it means to do what I like rather than what someone else likes at the expense of my well-being.<ee> <es>Just as I was coming to terms with the idea that maybe I had spent a year and a half in an abusive relationship, that maybe this relationship I had escaped was part of why I had become so unhappy, I received a Title IX order.<ee> <es>Cole’s Mom had filed a report regarding the Facebook post.<ee> <efs>It initially felt invalidating – I was the perpetrator, so maybe all that stuff Cole had done was acceptable.<efe> <es>I was the one in the wrong.<ee> <es>That revolutionary moment was just some guy overreacting to a perfectly normal story.<ee> <es>Maybe we were both at fault here, and we were both victims in some sense?<ee> <es>Can the relationship was toxic and abusive, but neither one of us are individually at fault.<ee> <es>I know that he could easily write six pages about all the ways I hurt him.<ee> <es>He had to deal with me being needy and making a threat to post something on Facebook.<ee> <es>I know what I did posting that was wrong.<ee> <efs>Threatening anyone’s reputation for any reason is unacceptable and I feel pretty ashamed about how I handled that situation.<efe> <es>He also put up with a lot from me when I was dealing with my depression and anxiety, and he was there for me during a lot of it.<ee> <efs>I'm terrified to go forward during this Title IX investigation.<efe> <es>I don't have a good relationship with school admin and I've never told anyone about these problems except for the guy I'm currently seeing.<ee> <es>I don't want to drag out the process - the sooner it is over the better - but when I write my response, I could include some of the problems I faced in the relationship and have my story hear.<ee> <es>I want to move on, but I also want Cole to know how much damage he did, how many scars he left behind, and how his actions had consequences for me. <ee> <efs>Honestly, I would be happy if he gets that no contact order.<efe> <es>It will help me from falling back into a toxic relationship, and it will be a very long time before I get into another relationship.<ee> <efs>Clearly I was unstable, mean, and insecure.<efe> <es>I have a lot to work on before I can be a good partner for anyone.<ee> <rs>If any one has advice for how I can deal with my end, I'd appreciate it.<re> <rs>I know this is a long post, but I could use some validation, to be frank.<re> <rs>Do you think I was in the wrong?<re> <rs>What can I work on here?<re> <rs>Was this abuse from him, or is it all in my head?<re> <rs>Was I the abusive one here?<re>
| 2 | 2 | 2 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
ejfiot
|
i’ve been clean for months and i’m think i’m going to relapse
|
1b
|
rant
| 1 |
i haven’t cut in months, not because i don’t want to, but i’m terrified of someone finding out.
someone in my class saw my cuts and reported me, the school had to tell my parents of course, and i never want to do that to them. i hated the tension between us.
just the other day, my sister and i were fighting and she told me to cut myself. when i told my mom, instead of defending me, she only goes “you better not have”
i don’t even a reason to cut, i just desperately want meaning in my life. i want to feel, to do something that i can control.
|
randomusername9373
| 4 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-03 13:39:40
|
selfharm
|
<es>i’ve been clean for months and i’m think i’m going to relapse<ee> <efs>i haven’t cut in months, not because i don’t want to, but i’m terrified of someone finding out.<efe> <es>someone in my class saw my cuts and reported me, the school had to tell my parents of course, and i never want to do that to them.<ee> <efs>i hated the tension between us.<efe> <es>just the other day, my sister and i were fighting and she told me to cut myself.<ee> <es>when i told my mom, instead of defending me, she only goes “you better not have”<ee> <rs>i don’t even a reason to cut, i just desperately want meaning in my life.<re> <rs>i want to feel, to do something that i can control.<re>
| 2 | 2 | 2 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
eqr65q
|
Looking back at yourself...
|
1a
|
rant
| 2 |
Hi, I’m 21 years old and have had anger issues for years now. I don’t really know how to explain it, but something in my brain snaps and everything just becomes a blur. The earliest I remember having this problem is about 8 years old. Obviously stems from my upbringing but I really don’t care about that right this moment. What really makes me nervous is if I’ll ever be able to change. I find myself so angry sometimes that I don’t even remember what had happened afterwards. I just lose it. I’ve never hurt another person before due to this but it really does scare me. What if I hurt my child or spouse when the time comes? It really just scares me too much to even want to settle down with anyone. My dream is to work with animals and conservation but I’m scared of myself. What if I hurt a powerless little animal because of how I am. I don’t see myself being a productive member of society and deep down I’m scared. I’m normally a very mellow person and some days, I just wake up with this frustration in my head that rattles through my veins and clenches my fists. I normally deal with it by smoking weed or a cigarette to calm my nerves but other times I just lose it completely. I’m scared of myself more than ever but I don’t even know how to cope with that so I don’t. Ignoring it isn’t helping but confronting it has never helped.
Not really looking for advice but just somewhere to write this. Thank you.
|
ConservationBoi
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-19 03:31:00
|
Anger
|
<es>Hi, I’m 21 years old and have had anger issues for years now.<ee> <es>I don’t really know how to explain it, but something in my brain snaps and everything just becomes a blur.<ee> <es>The earliest I remember having this problem is about 8 years old.<ee> Obviously stems from my upbringing but I really don’t care about that right this moment. <efs>What really makes me nervous is if I’ll ever be able to change.<efe> <es>I find myself so angry sometimes that I don’t even remember what had happened afterwards.<ee> <es>I just lose it.<ee> <efs>I’ve never hurt another person before due to this but it really does scare me.<efe> <efs>What if I hurt my child or spouse when the time comes?<efe> <efs>It really just scares me too much to even want to settle down with anyone.<efe> <efs>My dream is to work with animals and conservation but I’m scared of myself.<efe> <efs>What if I hurt a powerless little animal because of how I am.<efe> <efs>I don’t see myself being a productive member of society and deep down I’m scared.<efe> <es>I’m normally a very mellow person and some days, I just wake up with this frustration in my head that rattles through my veins and clenches my fists.<ee> I normally deal with it by smoking weed or a cigarette to calm my nerves but other times I just lose it completely. <efs>I’m scared of myself more than ever but I don’t even know how to cope with that so I don’t.<efe> <es>Ignoring it isn’t helping but confronting it has never helped. <ee> Not really looking for advice but just somewhere to write this. Thank you.
| 2 | 2 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you feel afraid of your anger
| null | true | 220 |
eisiuo
|
first suicide attempt in 2020
|
0
|
chitchat
| 4 | null |
cringeyusername123
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
2020-01-02 03:22:35
|
selfharm
|
<es>first suicide attempt in 2020<ee>
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you wanted to commit suicide
|
How did X make you feel?
|
the suicide attempt
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you attempted commit suicide
| null | true | 100 |
ejcihu
|
Chronic lateness
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
Does anyone else struggle with the worst time management ever? It doesn’t matter how long I have to get somewhere, it could be 7 hours or 30 minutes but I’m still going to be late. I just can’t seem to care enough to actually TRY. I am 5-15 minutes late to work every. single. day. And it is starting to really upset my co workers (I am a bartender/server) ugh someone tell me I’m not alone and how to fix this!!!
|
buffysummers__
| 3 | 0 | 10 |
2020-01-03 08:13:10
|
BPD
|
<es>Does anyone else struggle with the worst time management ever?<ee> <es>It doesn’t matter how long I have to get somewhere, it could be 7 hours or 30 minutes but I’m still going to be late.<ee> <es>I just can’t seem to care enough to actually TRY.<ee> <es>I am 5-15 minutes late to work every.<ee> <es>single.<ee> <es>day.<ee> <es>And it is starting to really upset my co workers (I am a bartender/server).<ee> <rs>ugh someone tell me I’m not alone and how to fix this!!!<re>
| 2 | 0 | 2 | null | null |
How did X make you feel?
|
being late to work
| null | null | null | true | 202 |
eis9o5
|
So my controlling anti stimulant mom found out that I (25 F) am on ADHD meds after going thru my room
|
1c
|
help-seeking
| 3 |
So I’m a 25F. I’m currently in medical school and at this point I know my mother is an extremely toxic figure in my life which is why I proceeded to go as far as possible for college, my job and now medical school. I try to minimize my contact with her and she knows absolutely nothing about my friends and personal life.
I’ve just learned to live a lie and avoid going home as much as possible.
I moved out after high school I could finally be my own person. I had struggled with ADHD my entire life and my mom refused to let me get medication. Once I turned 18 and moved away to college, I immediately started get medication. My parents never found out because I always in a different state. There were some close attempts a few times. But I guess I finally got caught. I received my text from my mom today asking why I was on a stimulant and I’m really upset about how I can address the situation. I’m not quite sure how she found out - she either went thru my trash in my room since I finally went home for 1 week after not having gone home for a year.
I have tried going off stimulants in the past and have almost failed out of school. Stimulants have been a complete game changer for me and completely turned my life around.
I’m really scared that she might blackmail me or prevent me from getting insurance. I guess I should have known something was up when she demanded to pay for my insurance instead of seeing if I was eligible for Medicaid thru the state where I’m currently going to medical school. I am looking for suggestions of positive ways how to proceed forward thru this situation. I haven’t felt this way in a while - embarrassed, ashamed and angry that my privacy was violated. I refuse to stop going on my medication that allows me to be productive and continue on with my everyday life. Looking for support and advice how to proceed about this situation. I don’t want to trash my relationship with my extremely traditional, stubborn, backwards thinking mom who doesn’t believe in privacy or me making my own decisions but I don’t want to discuss this with her nor do I stop going on my medications just to make her happy. I know my mom well enough and I know she will tell every single family member I know who will then in attempt to reach out and shame me for my decisions. I’m so sick and tired of dealing with her. I’ve been on this medication for years and medical school is already stressful enough. For those of you who have been on stimulants and have had your family members found out - how did you proceed about this situation?
|
meowmixkittenz
| 1 | 0 | 22 |
2020-01-02 03:01:22
|
ADHD
|
<es>So I’m a 25F.<ee> <es>I’m currently in medical school and at this point I know my mother is an extremely toxic figure in my life which is why I proceeded to go as far as possible for college, my job and now medical school.<ee> <es>I try to minimize my contact with her and she knows absolutely nothing about my friends and personal life.<ee> <es>I’ve just learned to live a lie and avoid going home as much as possible. <ee> <es>I moved out after high school I could finally be my own person.<ee> <es>I had struggled with ADHD my entire life and my mom refused to let me get medication.<ee> <es>Once I turned 18 and moved away to college, I immediately started get medication.<ee> <es>My parents never found out because I always in a different state.<ee> <es>There were some close attempts a few times.<ee> <es>But I guess I finally got caught.<ee> <es>I received my text from my mom today asking why I was on a stimulant.<ee> <efs>I’m really upset about how I can address the situation.<efe> <es>I’m not quite sure how she found out - she either went thru my trash in my room since I finally went home for 1 week after not having gone home for a year. <ee> <es>I have tried going off stimulants in the past and have almost failed out of school.<ee> <es>Stimulants have been a complete game changer for me and completely turned my life around.<ee> <efs>I’m really scared that she might blackmail me or prevent me from getting insurance.<efe> <es>I guess I should have known something was up when she demanded to pay for my insurance instead of seeing if I was eligible for Medicaid thru the state where I’m currently going to medical school.<ee> <rs>I am looking for suggestions of positive ways how to proceed forward thru this situation.<re> <efs>I haven’t felt this way in a while - embarrassed, ashamed and angry that my privacy was violated.<efe> <rs>I refuse to stop going on my medication that allows me to be productive and continue on with my everyday life.<re> <rs>Looking for support and advice how to proceed about this situation.<re> <rs>I don’t want to trash my relationship with my extremely traditional, stubborn, backwards thinking mom who doesn’t believe in privacy or me making my own decisions but I don’t want to discuss this with her nor do I stop going on my medications just to make her happy.<re> <es>I know my mom well enough and I know she will tell every single family member I know who will then in attempt to reach out and shame me for my decisions.<ee> <efs>I’m so sick and tired of dealing with her.<efe> <es>I’ve been on this medication for years and medical school is already stressful enough.<ee> <rs>For those of you who have been on stimulants and have had your family members found out - how did you proceed about this situation?<re>
| 2 | 2 | 2 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
eib5vc
|
Depression is shit. If you're here you're not alone. A message for the New Year.
|
0
|
chitchat
| 4 |
Seemed like the right evening for this poem. Depression is so hard and so horrible. It is sometimes impossible to find a glimmer, but if you can, whatever it is, grab it. Day by day, you're not alone. Remember you're a good person. Things can get better. There's a spark in you somewhere. Dig it out, whatever it takes, there are no rules. Respect to you all for the new year.
*You have to be always drunk. That's all there is to it--it's the*
*only way. So as not to feel the horrible burden of time that breaks*
*your back and bends you to the earth, you have to be continually*
*drunk.*
*But on what?Wine, poetry or virtue, as you wish. But be*
*drunk.*
*And if sometimes, on the steps of a palace or the green grass of*
*a ditch, in the mournful solitude of your room, you wake again,*
*drunkenness already diminishing or gone, ask the wind, the wave,*
*the star, the bird, the clock, everything that is flying, everything*
*that is groaning, everything that is rolling, everything that is*
*singing, everything that is speaking. . .ask what time it is and*
*wind, wave, star, bird, clock will answer you:"It is time to be*
*drunk! So as not to be the martyred slaves of time, be drunk, be*
*continually drunk! On wine, on poetry or on virtue as you wish."*
[Charles Baudelaire](https://www.poemhunter.com/charles-baudelaire/poems/)
|
beeen_there
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-01 00:12:39
|
depression
|
Seemed like the right evening for this poem. Depression is so hard and so horrible. It is sometimes impossible to find a glimmer, but if you can, whatever it is, grab it. Day by day, you're not alone. Remember you're a good person. Things can get better. There's a spark in you somewhere. Dig it out, whatever it takes, there are no rules. Respect to you all for the new year. *You have to be always drunk. That's all there is to it--it's the* *only way. So as not to feel the horrible burden of time that breaks* *your back and bends you to the earth, you have to be continually* *drunk.* *But on what?Wine, poetry or virtue, as you wish. But be* *drunk.* *And if sometimes, on the steps of a palace or the green grass of* *a ditch, in the mournful solitude of your room, you wake again,* *drunkenness already diminishing or gone, ask the wind, the wave,* *the star, the bird, the clock, everything that is flying, everything* *that is groaning, everything that is rolling, everything that is* *singing, everything that is speaking. . .ask what time it is and* *wind, wave, star, bird, clock will answer you:"It is time to be* *drunk! So as not to be the martyred slaves of time, be drunk, be* *continually drunk! On wine, on poetry or on virtue as you wish."* [Charles Baudelaire](https://www.poemhunter.com/charles-baudelaire/poems/)
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
thought
| true | 0 |
eiqtek
|
Allegations and fear
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 2 |
Im a student or trying to be anyways. Ive taken 2 medical withdraws due to depression, panic and sheer fear for my life. Im triggered by everything, crowds, people getting to close, new people, loud noises, walking outside my door. I know they wont be back to get me, but a part of me wonders and doesnt feel like its over.
My 19 yo nephew has accused me of something that i cant believe. I havent seen him in years, a decade and my last and only memory of him was at a wawa when he was in high school when i asked him how his classes were. Than one day, him as nd his dad come to my house and not just accuse me, but assault me.
I dont have any memories of my nephew as a kid, but if i get any information or a memory that i did hurt my nephew. I will kill myself. I was sexually assaulted multiple times growing up and if i ever put someone through that type of pain my life is forfeit.
I just want to cry. I just want to be loved. My brother and sister hate me, my dad hates me, my grandma and grandpa are dead, my mom is the only one trying, but it isnt enough. I dont want people to hate me, to see me as a monster. Im a good person and do all i can to help people. Do i deserve this?
|
PTSDont
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-02 01:04:06
|
ptsd
|
<es>Im a student or trying to be anyways.<ee> <es>Ive taken 2 medical withdraws due to depression, panic and sheer fear for my life.<ee> <es>Im triggered by everything, crowds, people getting to close, new people, loud noises, walking outside my door.<ee> <es>I know they wont be back to get me, but a part of me wonders and doesnt feel like its over.<ee> <es>My 19 yo nephew has accused me of something that i cant believe.<ee> <es>I havent seen him in years, a decade and my last and only memory of him was at a wawa when he was in high school when i asked him how his classes were.<ee> <es>Than one day, him as nd his dad come to my house and not just accuse me, but assault me.<ee> <es>I dont have any memories of my nephew as a kid, but if i get any information or a memory that i did hurt my nephew.<ee> <es>I will kill myself.<ee> <es>I was sexually assaulted multiple times growing up and if i ever put someone through that type of pain my life is forfeit.<ee> <efs>I just want to cry.<efe> <rs>I just want to be loved.<re> <es>My brother and sister hate me, my dad hates me, my grandma and grandpa are dead, my mom is the only one trying, but it isnt enough.<ee> <rs>I dont want people to hate me, to see me as a monster.<re> <es>Im a good person and do all i can to help people.<ee> <rs>Do i deserve this?<re>
| 2 | 2 | 1 | null | null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would help with all the pain
| null | true | 221 |
eibo9u
|
Youre all tough.
|
0
|
chitchat
| 1 |
Youre all strong people, youve gone through so much and made it this far.
|
AngelRagoo
| 1 | 0 | 3 |
2020-01-01 00:54:00
|
depression
|
Youre all strong people, youve gone through so much and made it this far.
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
positive
| true | 0 |
eicj9d
|
Im not optimistic about this year
|
0
|
rant
| 1 |
A year ago a close friend of mine commited suicide. My then girlfriend was her best friend. We broke up only a week or so before. I think she knew it was going to happen and didnt want me close to her. I kept in touch with my ex since the breakup. I tried getting back together but she always said no. About two weeks ago she told me we should cut contact so i can finally move on.
She is my best friend and i miss talking to her.
I dont know how i feel lately. I dont think im depressed. Im really confused and im struggling to understand my emotions
|
ethanthebeet
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-01 02:11:06
|
depression
|
<es>A year ago a close friend of mine commited suicide.<ee> <es>My then girlfriend was her best friend.<ee> <es>We broke up only a week or so before.<ee> <es>I think she knew it was going to happen and didnt want me close to her.<ee> I kept in touch with my ex since the breakup. <es>I tried getting back together but she always said no.<ee> <es>About two weeks ago she told me we should cut contact so i can finally move on.<ee> <efs>She is my best friend and i miss talking to her.<efe> <efs>I dont know how i feel lately.<efe> I dont think im depressed. <efs>Im really confused and im struggling to understand my emotions<efe>
| 2 | 2 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are confused and struggling to understand your emotions
| null | true | 220 |
eicenr
|
It's already 2020, 24 yr old with lots of self and family issues and I am a complete failure right now
|
1a
|
rant
| 1 |
My brother is had a kidney failure since he was 15 he is 26 now, my parents have a dispute that their relationship right now at a brink of divorce, my little brother is unemployed and me struggling to finish my diploma, I just hope 2020 is the last year for me to end my study so I can aid my family soon enough.
|
Conartist96
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
2020-01-01 01:59:28
|
depression
|
<rs><es>My brother is had a kidney failure since he was 15 he is 26 now, my parents have a dispute that their relationship right now at a brink of divorce, my little brother is unemployed and me struggling to finish my diploma, I just hope 2020 is the last year for me to end my study so I can aid my family soon enough.<ee><re>
| 2 | 0 | 2 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
How did X make you feel?
|
how does the issues with your family make you feel
| null | null | null | true | 202 |
ekz0p5
|
Does anyone need anything?
|
1a
|
survey
| 1 |
It was suggested to me that I try out different ways of being helpful. I feel pretty garbage and I’m looking for the relief that is supposed to come from being of service. So, do you need anything? Someone to talk to? I’m happy to give out my number. Do you need help on a website? Im a web developer and would gladly volunteer some time. What can I do for you?
|
Dewey_Darl
| 1 | 0 | 6 |
2020-01-06 19:37:23
|
alcoholicsanonymous
|
<es>It was suggested to me that I try out different ways of being helpful.<ee> <efs>I feel pretty garbage and I’m looking for the relief that is supposed to come from being of service.<efe> <rs>So, do you need anything?<re> <rs>Someone to talk to?<re> <rs>I’m happy to give out my number.<re> <rs>Do you need help on a website?<re> <es>Im a web developer and would gladly volunteer some time.<ee> <rs>What can I do for you?<re>
| 1 | 2 | 2 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you feel bad
| null | null | null | null | null | true | 122 |
ejgkqg
|
I think my best friend is addicted to energy drinks
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 2 |
I want to know if there are any resources or things I can show/tell him to help him stop. He drinks at least one 5 hour energy shot before he leaves the house everyday, one Bang energy drink at lunch and another Bang energy drink after work. I know that may not sound like a ton but that is the base of what he drinks, sometimes more, and that's pushing 1,000mg of caffeine a day. He gives me all of the normal deflection statements when I approach him about it. He says things like "There are so many vitamins and nutrients in them, they're actually good for you" "I don't smoke or do drugs, I deserve to have one vice" "I work in construction and they help me stay on top of my game" etc. He complains about his liver hurting sometimes and when he does I obviously point out how his energy drink consumption is likely doing it to him, he will quit them for a day or two then I'll see empty cans in his car or he'll tell me he caved.
|
Platemails
| 1 | 0 | 12 |
2020-01-03 15:05:54
|
addiction
|
I want to know if there are any resources or things I can show/tell him to help him stop. He drinks at least one 5 hour energy shot before he leaves the house everyday, one Bang energy drink at lunch and another Bang energy drink after work. I know that may not sound like a ton but that is the base of what he drinks, sometimes more, and that's pushing 1,000mg of caffeine a day. He gives me all of the normal deflection statements when I approach him about it. He says things like "There are so many vitamins and nutrients in them, they're actually good for you" "I don't smoke or do drugs, I deserve to have one vice" "I work in construction and they help me stay on top of my game" etc. He complains about his liver hurting sometimes and when he does I obviously point out how his energy drink consumption is likely doing it to him, he will quit them for a day or two then I'll see empty cans in his car or he'll tell me he caved.
| 2 | 0 | 2 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
How did X make you feel?
|
your friend's energy drink addiction
| null | null | null | true | 202 |
ev3tfi
|
Usually I (20 F) am a very calm chill person, but sometimes I snap really really bad.
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
Hi all,
I would not classify myself as an “angry” person. Usually I am chill, easygoing, although sometimes quite anxious but most often pretty level headed. However sometimes, usually in an argument or when I sense dishonesty/that the other person is “getting things wrong or incorrect” and not listening to me, I suddenly snap really bad.
Uncontrollable breathing, breaking things/being destructive, hurting myself and not caring or feeling it, crying/panic etc. does anyone else have experience with this? Is it something I should seek help/counselling for? It doesn’t happen very often. Maybe 3-4 times a year max.
Any insight would be much appreciated!
|
jinxazap
| 1 | 0 | 15 |
2020-01-28 10:21:29
|
Anger
|
Hi all, I would not classify myself as an “angry” person. Usually I am chill, easygoing, although sometimes quite anxious but most often pretty level headed. <es>However sometimes, usually in an argument or when I sense dishonesty/that the other person is “getting things wrong or incorrect” and not listening to me, I suddenly snap really bad. <ee> <efs>Uncontrollable breathing, breaking things/being destructive, hurting myself and not caring or feeling it, crying/panic etc.<efe> <rs>does anyone else have experience with this?<re> <rs>Is it something I should seek help/counselling for?<re> <es>It doesn’t happen very often.<ee> <es>Maybe 3-4 times a year max.<ee> <rs>Any insight would be much appreciated!<re>
| 2 | 2 | 2 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
ellxxt
|
Anyone have experience with medical assisted detox?
|
0
|
survey
| 1 |
One redditor has told me it really worked for him. Does anyone else have an experience to share, good or bad? I know there will still be paws but I’d like to know how people felt when they woke up after the anesthetic. Thanks!
|
Anxeityaddict
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-08 02:12:52
|
OpiatesRecovery
|
<rs>Anyone have experience with medical assisted detox?<re> One redditor has told me it really worked for him.<rs>Does anyone else have an experience to share, good or bad?<re> <rs>I know there will still be paws but I’d like to know how people felt when they woke up after the anesthetic.<re> Thanks!
| 0 | 0 | 2 |
What happened that you want X ?
|
have medical assisted detox
|
Why are you wanting X ?
|
to detox
| null | null | null | true | 2 |
ekd5pq
|
Tomorrow I start work and I'm so scared that I want to throw up
|
1a
|
rant
| 1 | null |
coldsilencehas
| 3 | 0 | 10 |
2020-01-05 13:42:47
|
socialanxiety
|
<efs>Tomorrow I start work and I'm so scared that I want to throw up<efe> nan
| 0 | 1 | 0 |
What made you feel X ?
|
to want to throw up
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how you feel
|
What can help you overcome X ?
|
you fear
| null | true | 10 |
eip5hb
|
i am VERY worried so please help
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
i dont wanna being it up with my parents for no reason so please help
I am 16M and i have a raised mole above my lip (where a moustache grows)
I know it’s not cancerous but i don’t like it.
I am also too shy to ask my parents about removing it, but i will ask, but im worried, if i remove it, can i still grow hair in that same area?
Cause i really don’t want a blank spot in my moustache.
Any help is appreciated.
|
redditor6511
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
2020-01-01 22:53:24
|
Anxiety
|
<rs>i dont wanna being it up with my parents for no reason so please help<re> <es>I am 16M and i have a raised mole above my lip (where a moustache grows)<ee> <es>I know it’s not cancerous but i don’t like it.<ee> <rs>I am also too shy to ask my parents about removing it, but i will ask, but im worried, if i remove it, can i still grow hair in that same area?<re> <rs>Cause i really don’t want a blank spot in my moustache.<re> <rs>Any help is appreciated.<re>
| 2 | 0 | 2 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
How did X make you feel?
|
the raised mole
| null | null | null | true | 202 |
eja8cp
|
My bf knows I sh and he was with me when I found a slicey boi on the ground, yet let me keep it and said ‘don’t cut yourself’... oop
|
0
|
rant
| 1 | null |
boos_booze
| 1 | 0 | 4 |
2020-01-03 04:32:06
|
selfharm
|
<es>My bf knows I sh and he was with me when I found a slicey boi on the ground, yet let me keep it and said ‘don’t cut yourself’...<ee>
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why do you self harm
|
How did X make you feel?
|
your boyfriend letting you keep the slicey boi
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
your boyfriend allowed you to keep the slicey boi
| null | true | 100 |
eipb6l
|
Medical PTSD?
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 2 |
Midway through 2018, a friend died from breast cancer. We weren't close, but because she had so few local friends, I was one of the people who became her primary caregivers. Her death was gruesome, painful, lonely, and took a long time. Midway though her home hospice, I started having enormous pelvic pain and heavy bleeding during periods. Went to the ob/gyn and began a year of tests and scans that culminated in surgery in May 2019 (hysterectomy and one ovary removed due to really bad endometriosis and fibroids). I have lifelong issues with health anxiety (hypochondriac grandfather, dad died young from health issues, and I've been officially diagnosed with GAD, panic disorder and major depressive disorder) and since the surgery and my friend's death, my fear of doctors has just gotten worse. It's become a full-blown phobia.
My therapist has been great but even though my sister is a doctor I am terrified of visiting the doctor's office. My surgeon was great about my anxiety, but my previous GP who knew about this retired and I need to see my new GP for a couple of minor issues on Friday (it took me two weeks to work my way up to making the appt.) and everything in my head is going cancer! death! cancer! All my blood tests etc before surgery, of course, were perfectly normal and I recovered fine. I've put off my mammograms, put off meeting my new GP, put off everything. I take Ativan for doctor's appointments but it is still terrifying just to think about going. Aside from just sucking it up and dealing with it, for those who've experienced this, what else helps? I'm going to ask my therapist about exposure therapy and seeing a new psychiatrist, but I'm getting older and this phobia seems to only be getting worse.
&#x200B;
TL;DR, I'm afraid of doctors.
|
Formal-Temperature
| 1 | 0 | 3 |
2020-01-01 23:05:28
|
Anxiety
|
<es>Midway through 2018, a friend died from breast cancer.<ee> <es>We weren't close, but because she had so few local friends, I was one of the people who became her primary caregivers.<ee> <es>Her death was gruesome, painful, lonely, and took a long time.<ee> <es>Midway though her home hospice, I started having enormous pelvic pain and heavy bleeding during periods.<ee> <es>Went to the ob/gyn and began a year of tests and scans that culminated in surgery in May 2019 (hysterectomy and one ovary removed due to really bad endometriosis and fibroids).<ee> <es>I have lifelong issues with health anxiety (hypochondriac grandfather, dad died young from health issues, and I've been officially diagnosed with GAD, panic disorder and major depressive disorder). <ee>Since the surgery and my friend's death, my fear of doctors has just gotten worse.<efe> <efs>It's become a full-blown phobia. <efe> <es>My therapist has been great but even though my sister is a doctor I am terrified of visiting the doctor's office.<ee> <es>My surgeon was great about my anxiety, but my previous GP who knew about this retired and I need to see my new GP for a couple of minor issues on Friday (it took me two weeks to work my way up to making the appt.) and everything in my head is going cancer! death! cancer!<ee> <es>All my blood tests etc before surgery, of course, were perfectly normal and I recovered fine.<ee> <es>I've put off my mammograms, put off meeting my new GP, put off everything.<ee> <efs>I take Ativan for doctor's appointments but it is still terrifying just to think about going.<efe> <rs>Aside from just sucking it up and dealing with it, for those who've experienced this, what else helps?<re> <es>I'm going to ask my therapist about exposure therapy and seeing a new psychiatrist, but I'm getting older and this phobia seems to only be getting worse. <ee> &#x200B; <efs>TL;DR, I'm afraid of doctors.<efe>
| 2 | 2 | 2 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
eic6se
|
It's NYE and I was rushed home by my narcissistic mom. Sometimes I wish I really wasn't here
|
1b
|
rant
| 1 |
I felt so positice today. Looking forward to the new year. Now I'm on the toilet with anxiety and diarrhea because my mom causes me so much stress. I was hoping tonight would go well too. I went to my fiancees house to visit with his mom and dad for a few hours. I told my mom I would be home by 8. I talked to her on the phone while I was there and told her more like 730. Honestly I had forgotten about that and left at 8. Before I even got out of the cul-de-sac she's blasting my phone with a call, yelling at me, " where are you it's after 8!" While it is literally 8:03 mind you. When we get to my house I break down crying. She tells me the usual. I'm sorry, I love you, I didn't mean to make you cry." I try to explain that just because you stab someone doesn't mean you want them dead. It's the same logic. She says then that what about the times when I do things to her and she has to accept my apologies? Like, I'm your fucking daughter, wtf.
Anyway I'm just so fed up with everyone. I feel so depressed when I'm home. When I'm with my fiancee I feel better. And honestly, I feel like I have diarrhea from all this stress. Fuck this.
|
Pinkboo34
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-01 01:39:00
|
depression
|
<es>It's NYE and I was rushed home by my narcissistic mom.<ee> Sometimes I wish I really wasn't here I felt so positice today. Looking forward to the new year. <es>Now I'm on the toilet with anxiety and diarrhea because my mom causes me so much stress.<ee> <rs>I was hoping tonight would go well too.<re> I went to my fiancees house to visit with his mom and dad for a few hours. I told my mom I would be home by 8. I talked to her on the phone while I was there and told her more like 730. Honestly I had forgotten about that and left at 8. Before I even got out of the cul-de-sac she's blasting my phone with a call, yelling at me, " where are you it's after 8!" While it is literally 8:03 mind you. <es>When we get to my house I break down crying.<ee> <es>She tells me the usual.<ee> <es>I'm sorry, I love you, I didn't mean to make you cry."<ee> I try to explain that just because you stab someone doesn't mean you want them dead. It's the same logic. She says then that what about the times when I do things to her and she has to accept my apologies? Like, I'm your fucking daughter, wtf. <efs>Anyway I'm just so fed up with everyone.<efe> <efs>I feel so depressed when I'm home.<efe> <efs>When I'm with my fiancee I feel better.<efe> <efs>And honestly, I feel like I have diarrhea from all this stress.<efe> Fuck this.
| 2 | 2 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you feel depressed at home
| null | true | 220 |
ej42rw
|
Last time I hang out with friends, I was the one in the back
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
Did it happen to you?
We were 4 people, just walking I was the one in the back and they were 3 in front of me, I tried to walk faster so I could catch them up, but, I couldn't, I tried to talk to them, but, nah, they didn't listen to me, I felt so bad that, I really wanted to go home, then, the next day, I saw an Instagram Story of one of them, they were hanging out, without me.
|
Mark_2112
| 9 | 0 | 14 |
2020-01-02 20:51:36
|
socialanxiety
|
Did it happen to you? We were 4 people, just walking I was the one in the back and they were 3 in front of me, I tried to walk faster so I could catch them up, but, I couldn't, I tried to talk to them, but, nah, they didn't listen to me, I felt so bad that, I really wanted to go home, then, the next day, I saw an Instagram Story of one of them, they were hanging out, without me.
| 2 | 1 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how the incident made you feel
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you feel upset about the incident
| null | true | 210 |
einx58
|
On the topic of Jackbox games
|
1a
|
survey
| 1 |
Does anyone else find these extremely difficult to play? Specifically the games based on improv
In my private life I’m considered a very creative, clever person, but I always panic and freeze up and I’m not able to input anything clever or good at all. It’s always something extremely generic. And when I can’t do it, people look at me funny or think I’m being deliberately sour- especially if I say I don’t want to play.
Which is ridiculous, because they’re literally the easiest games in the world, but I feel a lot of pressure to be funny or to make any kind of sense at all, and I never can. Plus it reminds me of the kind of games we’d play in middle school home room where I’d always end up losing for the same reason. It just feels like I’m put on the spot, and I hate it, and I feel stupid for hating it because everyone else has fun with the improv type games.
And before anyone says ‘but suggestions!’ The suggestions are always really stupid, and using them constantly just contributes to the theory that I’m deliberately being a jerk.
|
throwaway3628276276
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-01 21:15:59
|
socialanxiety
|
Does anyone else find these extremely difficult to play? Specifically the games based on improv In my private life I’m considered a very creative, clever person, but I always panic and freeze up and I’m not able to input anything clever or good at all. It’s always something extremely generic. And when I can’t do it, people look at me funny or think I’m being deliberately sour- especially if I say I don’t want to play. Which is ridiculous, because they’re literally the easiest games in the world, but I feel a lot of pressure to be funny or to make any kind of sense at all, and I never can. Plus it reminds me of the kind of games we’d play in middle school home room where I’d always end up losing for the same reason. It just feels like I’m put on the spot, and I hate it, and I feel stupid for hating it because everyone else has fun with the improv type games. And before anyone says ‘but suggestions!’ The suggestions are always really stupid, and using them constantly just contributes to the theory that I’m deliberately being a jerk.
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
eil6ub
|
I’m scared that I’m destined for failure
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
One of my new year’s resolutions is to go back to being confident and having friends. The reason why I say I want to go back to being that way is because I once was pretty confident and had a lot of friends. I went through something that crushed me and made me into a hermit.
I’m scared because I’ve tried bouncing back so many times. I tried to make friends. I tried to become more confident. It hasn’t ever worked. All I want is to feel happy about my life again. Any advice on how to achieve this goal of mine?
|
locococo1000
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-01 17:51:41
|
socialanxiety
|
One of my new year’s resolutions is to go back to being confident and having friends. The reason why I say I want to go back to being that way is because I once was pretty confident and had a lot of friends. I went through something that crushed me and made me into a hermit. I’m scared because I’ve tried bouncing back so many times. I tried to make friends. I tried to become more confident. It hasn’t ever worked. All I want is to feel happy about my life again. Any advice on how to achieve this goal of mine?
| 1 | 1 | 2 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
the incident which made you lonely
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what were you afraid of
| null | null | null | true | 112 |
emttkm
|
How does AA pay for rent, etc. Non profit question
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
I’m doing some work for a nonprofit group and I was just curious how AA pays for rent for the buildings that it uses and stuff like that. I know we passed around a basket for food and coffee but I was wondering about the bigger picture month-to-month how does it operate financially?
|
enp_skuller
| 1 | 0 | 13 |
2020-01-10 17:04:48
|
alcoholicsanonymous
|
I’m doing some work for a nonprofit group and I was just curious how AA pays for rent for the buildings that it uses and stuff like that. I know we passed around a basket for food and coffee but I was wondering about the bigger picture month-to-month how does it operate financially?
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
ek3e41
|
I relapsed after 168 days, but I needed it.
|
1a
|
rant
| 3 |
Let me jump in and explain my title better.
I’ve been a heavy drug abuser for a couple of years and developed an addiction to meth and pills, I drank a lot eventho I wouldn’t consider myself an alcoholic. I had no moderation. Fast forward years later and added trauma and failed treatment centers due to my location. I have kicked the habit on my own and it has been the longest I’ve been sober in YEARS!!! 168 days, on my own, no help. For the past 2-3 weeks my hunger for it came back and it felt more like needing closure from a toxic ex rather than the actual use. My perspective on meth was always so “chilled and laid back” basically unrealistic, even tho I kicked the habit for 168 days, my relapse needed to happen. Because of my relapse I have realized that my entire perspective and feeling towards this substance has altered. I immediately stopped myself from getting too f*cked up and went in fully accepting the consequences of the actions that followed. I am ashamed and humiliated and upset that I hurt those closest to me, but trust me when I say. It needed to happen. During the 168 of being sober I grew as a person as well I was able to mute the background noise of life and focus on me & now after my relapse I’m almost relieved. My partner does not understand but I’m hoping an ex addict feels this too. It’s been years since I’ve been therapy but almost 14 hours after using and coming back to my sense I booked an appointment without thinking twice about it. This has never happened, booking an appointment when I was sober almost seemed impossible. However this relapse helped my realize my addiction was just me reacting to the deeper underlying issues I have, which I am hoping a therapist can help with. 168 days was nothing. My goal is +1 year (I’ll check back in reddit)
|
letmeeaturass
| 7 | 0 | 10 |
2020-01-04 22:12:09
|
addiction
|
Let me jump in and explain my title better. <es>I’ve been a heavy drug abuser for a couple of years and developed an addiction to meth and pills, I drank a lot eventho I wouldn’t consider myself an alcoholic.<ee> <es>I had no moderation.<ee> <es>Fast forward years later and added trauma and failed treatment centers due to my location.<ee> <es>I have kicked the habit on my own and it has been the longest I’ve been sober in YEARS!!! 168 days, on my own, no help.<ee> <es>For the past 2-3 weeks my hunger for it came back and it felt more like needing closure from a toxic ex rather than the actual use.<ee> <es>My perspective on meth was always so “chilled and laid back” basically unrealistic, even tho I kicked the habit for 168 days, my relapse needed to happen.<ee> <efs>Because of my relapse I have realized that my entire perspective and feeling towards this substance has altered.<efe> I immediately stopped myself from getting too f*cked up and went in fully accepting the consequences of the actions that followed. <efs>I am ashamed and humiliated and upset that I hurt those closest to me, but trust me when I say.<efe> It needed to happen. During the 168 of being sober I grew as a person as well I was able to mute the background noise of life and focus on me & now after my relapse I’m almost relieved. <es>My partner does not understand but I’m hoping an ex addict feels this too.<ee> It’s been years since I’ve been therapy but almost 14 hours after using and coming back to my sense I booked an appointment without thinking twice about it. This has never happened, booking an appointment when I was sober almost seemed impossible. <rs>However this relapse helped my realize my addiction was just me reacting to the deeper underlying issues I have, which I am hoping a therapist can help with.<re> <rs>168 days was nothing.<re> <rs>My goal is +1 year<re> (I’ll check back in reddit)
| 2 | 2 | 1 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would help you stay sober for one year
| null | true | 221 |
eiad41
|
Is it just me?
|
0
|
survey
| 1 |
Is it just me or does anime make you sad and crush your hopes and dreams. Cute anime girls always making you sad due to you knowing that even in your wildest dreams, they will never exist. And slice of life comics that when you finish reading, make you reflect on how cruel and horrible the real world is.
|
Hasonboi
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2019-12-31 23:08:45
|
depression
|
Is it just me or does anime make you sad and crush your hopes and dreams. Cute anime girls always making you sad due to you knowing that even in your wildest dreams, they will never exist. And slice of life comics that when you finish reading, make you reflect on how cruel and horrible the real world is.
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
thought
| true | 0 |
eicijb
|
Suicidal almost 30 yr old incel. No friends no family no money. Alone in life
|
1a
|
rant
| 1 |
I havent been to the doctors in years cause of fhe absurd cost in my dystopian country. I have absolutely nothing to do no one to see. Completely given up. My posthistory is proof of that.
|
Jadedpokefan
| 1 | 0 | 4 |
2020-01-01 02:09:11
|
depression
|
<es>Suicidal almost 30 yr old incel.<ee> <es>No friends no family no money.<ee> <es>Alone in life<ee> <es>I havent been to the doctors in years cause of fhe absurd cost in my dystopian country.<ee> I have absolutely nothing to do no one to see. <efs>Completely given up.<efe> My posthistory is proof of that.
| 1 | 1 | 0 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you have given up
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how you feel
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are having suicidal thoughts
|
suicidal
| true | 110 |
eja64s
|
Always the only one in my classes who doesn't try to make friends
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
I don't know if it's because of my anxiety or depression or whatever but I genuinely don't feel like I have any desire to make friends in my classes. At the same time, I feel weird and like some sort of alien that everyone else talks and I don't. Do I just force it? Anytime I do have a conversation with someone I just assume they're judging me and I leave thinking I just made a fool of myself. It's like I lose both ways
|
FuckAUsername420
| 6 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-03 04:26:44
|
socialanxiety
|
<es>I don't know if it's because of my anxiety or depression or whatever but I genuinely don't feel like I have any desire to make friends in my classes.<ee> <efs>At the same time, I feel weird and like some sort of alien that everyone else talks and I don't.<efe> Do I just force it? <efs>Anytime I do have a conversation with someone I just assume they're judging me and I leave thinking I just made a fool of myself. <efe> It's like I lose both ways
| 2 | 2 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are afraid of people's judgment
| null | true | 220 |
el6qxw
|
Sudden anger issues, don't know what to do
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 2 |
First time posting on reddit. I'm a 20-year-old woman and I've had mental health issues for most of my life. I've struggled a lot with anxiety and social phobia. I've never had anger issues and struggled to get angry for a long time, despite abuse and a turbulent childhood. I couldn't even bring myself to raise my voice.
I've had a difficult past year. I was witness to an attempted murder/assault about six months ago. I've been dealing with alcoholism in my household, a lot of fighting, gang related stuff. A lot of those old stressors have been removed from the situation. Those people don't live with me anymore, but my anger issues started after all of this.
Still, I've gradually been losing it over the past six months. I've been having angry outbursts more and more often. It can be about something minor, a past memory, anything can trigger it. Spilling a drink, a memory of an old fight, someone making an annoying or unnecessary comment on a post I make on social media. My heart starts to race, my head hurts, my muscles tense up, sometimes I can't walk. The skin on my neck and back start to burn. The expletives fall out, I cause a scene by making everyone uncomfortable, get super embarrassed. I'm lucky I work alone, because I have these outbursts at work as well. I've broken a few things and knocked a couple holes in the walls at my job and I'm very lucky that they're forgiving enough to not reprimand or fire me.
I struggle with self-harm when I'm angry as well. I'll punch myself in the face, pull out my hair, hit heavy objects and cut open my hands, etc. I lose control of myself in these moments. It's instinctual to hit myself.
I hate leaving my house at this point. I was able to let go of small things that people would do, like cutting me off while driving, or walking slowly in public, people generally being nuisances... I cannot contain myself. It's easier to not interact with other people because I don't want to start a fight or cause a scene. I also don't want to be a joke. I don't want to look like a "crazy woman" to strangers. I don't know what to do. I'd like a new job, to make friends, but my anger is getting so out of control that it's wearing me down. I don't want to do anything. I'm tired of being mad. I don't want to do something I'll regret.
Why am I like this? Should I start with therapy? How do I talk about the self-harm without getting sent for an ER evaluation? I know this might sound silly but I don't like the person I'm turning into. It's not like all of my anger is unjustified, but I don't want to be a scary and reactive person. Sorry if this is disorganized, just thinking about getting angry makes it hard to focus.
|
Then-Cat
| 1 | 0 | 6 |
2020-01-07 05:07:32
|
Anger
|
First time posting on reddit. <es>I'm a 20-year-old woman and I've had mental health issues for most of my life.<ee> <es>I've struggled a lot with anxiety and social phobia.<ee> <es>I've never had anger issues and struggled to get angry for a long time, despite abuse and a turbulent childhood.<ee> <es>I couldn't even bring myself to raise my voice.<ee> <es>I've had a difficult past year.<ee> <es>I was witness to an attempted murder/assault about six months ago.<ee> <es>I've been dealing with alcoholism in my household, a lot of fighting, gang related stuff.<ee> <es>A lot of those old stressors have been removed from the situation.<ee> <es>Those people don't live with me anymore, but my anger issues started after all of this.<ee> <es>Still, I've gradually been losing it over the past six months.<ee> <es>I've been having angry outbursts more and more often.<ee> <es>It can be about something minor, a past memory, anything can trigger it.<ee> <es>Spilling a drink, a memory of an old fight, someone making an annoying or unnecessary comment on a post I make on social media.<ee> <efs>My heart starts to race, my head hurts, my muscles tense up, sometimes I can't walk.<efe> <efs>The skin on my neck and back start to burn.<efe> <efs>The expletives fall out, I cause a scene by making everyone uncomfortable, get super embarrassed.<efe> <es>I'm lucky I work alone, because I have these outbursts at work as well.<ee> <es>I've broken a few things and knocked a couple holes in the walls at my job and I'm very lucky that they're forgiving enough to not reprimand or fire me.<ee> <es>I struggle with self-harm when I'm angry as well.<ee> <es>I'll punch myself in the face, pull out my hair, hit heavy objects and cut open my hands, etc.<ee> <es>I lose control of myself in these moments.<ee> <es>It's instinctual to hit myself.<ee> <efs>I hate leaving my house at this point.<efe> I was able to let go of small things that people would do, like cutting me off while driving, or walking slowly in public, people generally being nuisances... I cannot contain myself. It's easier to not interact with other people because I don't want to start a fight or cause a scene. <rs>I also don't want to be a joke.<re> <rs>I don't want to look like a "crazy woman" to strangers.<re> I don't know what to do. <rs>I'd like a new job, to make friends, but my anger is getting so out of control that it's wearing me down.<re> I don't want to do anything. <efs>I'm tired of being mad.<efe> <rs>I don't want to do something I'll regret.<re> <rs>Why am I like this?<re> <rs>Should I start with therapy?<re> <rs>How do I talk about the self-harm without getting sent for an ER evaluation?<re> <efs>I know this might sound silly but I don't like the person I'm turning into.<efe> <rs>It's not like all of my anger is unjustified, but I don't want to be a scary and reactive person.<re> Sorry if this is disorganized, just thinking about getting angry makes it hard to focus.
| 2 | 2 | 2 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
ej5tbr
|
Limp Body During Dissociation
|
0
|
survey
| 1 |
So I believe that I experience dissociation alongside with my BPD. One of the things I experience during these supposed dissociative episodes is my body kinda starts to feel heavy and sometimes goes limp. Does anyone else experience this? Or what other things do yall experience during dissociation? I find that during times where I'm very overwhelmed, overstimulated emotionally, or really stressed I go into these dissociative states and I just completely blank out and it's really hard to concentrate on literally anything. I feel like these states are becoming more frequent :(
|
howdy-cloudy
| 3 | 0 | 1 |
2020-01-02 22:52:29
|
BPD
|
<es>So I believe that I experience dissociation alongside with my BPD.<ee> <es>One of the things I experience during these supposed dissociative episodes is my body kinda starts to feel heavy and sometimes goes limp.<ee> <rs>Does anyone else experience this?<re> <rs>Or what other things do yall experience during dissociation?<re> <es>I find that during times where I'm very overwhelmed, overstimulated emotionally, or really stressed I go into these dissociative states and I just completely blank out and it's really hard to concentrate on literally anything.<ee> <es>I feel like these states are becoming more frequent :(<ee>
| 2 | 0 | 2 | null | null |
How did X make you feel?
|
experiencing dissociation
| null | null | null | true | 202 |
ekq6mc
|
What are some constructive ways I can let people know that I have social anxiety?
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
I get judged a lot due to my social anxiety. People will ask me why I’m staring into space or why I struggle to make eye contact or why I’m acting so strange. I run into the biggest problems when I’m meeting someone new. I want to let them know I have anxiety without fixating on the subject. It would ease my mind. Any tips?
|
JohnMAppleseed92
| 1 | 0 | 5 |
2020-01-06 06:36:49
|
socialanxiety
|
<es>I get judged a lot due to my social anxiety.<ee> <es>People will ask me why I’m staring into space or why I struggle to make eye contact or why I’m acting so strange.<ee> <es>I run into the biggest problems when I’m meeting someone new.<ee> <rs>I want to let them know I have anxiety without fixating on the subject.<re> <rs>It would ease my mind.<re> Any tips?
| 2 | 0 | 2 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
How did X make you feel?
|
people asking about your anxiety
| null | null | null | true | 202 |
f1ixz3
|
My boyfriend hates me. I really think he does.
|
1b
|
rant
| 3 |
Long post ahead. Mentions of sexual situations and domestic violence. Please excuse the jumbled writing as
A) I am on mobile, and
B) I'm writing this drunk and through tears.
Ok, so to start off, when I say I think he hates me... I really do. Not an exaggeration.
He never, ever kisses me. He doesn't hug me. He barely even looks up from his video games.
Any time I talk to him I'm always wrong about something. Ex:
Me: that was a nice movie.
Him: of course you'd think that, but what should I expect from someone so simple?
Shit like that . And whenever we argue even a little he will gaslight me. Saying what initially happened to make me upset was all in my head, or because I'm Autistic I just wanted to start a fuss.
Saying that because my father was abusive and my mother was addicted to opioids for a few years that I'm a "bad seed".. me and my mother have a very healthy relationship and I haven't spoken to my father in over ten years. (even though he was the same... For longer, and his family never got help....)
He makes me feel like I'm at fault for the house being a mess even when I have been gone all day. He never asks about my day.
All he does all day is play Red Dead Redemption 2 or Ghost Recon Breakpoint, or eat food. When he's upset with the games, especially online modes, he will scream at the top of his lungs, break things and yell at me to pick them up or clean it immediately, and get mad when I flinch, then yell at me. He hasn't hesitated raising his fist. He's paralyzed half of my face before. (If you want to know, the long story short is he gave me bells palsey because he hit me in the face for not getting him enough birthday gifts, a few days later I woke to a pain in my face and half of it wouldn't move. He laughed at me.) He gets mad that I can't buy him a new 4k tv, new video games, new controllers, PC... Even though I'm going through school right now!!! I barely have enough to feed myself. As if I'm even obligated to get him a damn entertainment system!! He doesn't have a job nor is he on disability.
I have a problem with my nose, I get nose bleeds but I cough up the blood quite often due to it dripping down my throat. When this happens he accuses me of using blood capsules to get attention. He took pictures and put it on Snapchat one time saying, " oh look, *myname* is pulling her silly little pranks again!"
I had a seizure and he didn't bat an eye.
He has never taken me on a real date in the 3 years we've been together.
He talks to anybody and everyone he can about how inattentive I am.
He uses my secrets against me. My childhood abuse? He said I must have liked it and I'm at fault for it happening to me for not immediately reporting. My history with drug abuse? He holds that over my head at every chance.
Every time we try to get intimate anymore he just pretty much, to save being graphic, gets it over with for himself and doesn't pay any mind to me. Not to mention half the time it ends up in a fight because I won't give him a play- by - play on what to do to me. I don't enjoy it anymore and I'm barely even attracted to him.
He's every horrible thing a man can be so why does it pain me to want to leave him? Why? Oh my God why?
|
cruoreye
| 1 | 0 | 5 |
2020-02-10 01:40:29
|
domesticviolence
|
Long post ahead. Mentions of sexual situations and domestic violence. Please excuse the jumbled writing as <es>A) I am on mobile, and <ee> <es>B) I'm writing this drunk and through tears.<ee> <es>Ok, so to start off, when I say I think he hates me... I really do.<ee> Not an exaggeration. <es>He never, ever kisses me.<ee> <es>He doesn't hug me.<ee> <es>He barely even looks up from his video games.<ee> <es>Any time I talk to him I'm always wrong about something.<ee> <es>Ex: Me: that was a nice movie.<ee> <es>Him: of course you'd think that, but what should I expect from someone so simple?<ee> <es>Shit like that .<ee> <es>And whenever we argue even a little he will gaslight me.<ee> <es>Saying what initially happened to make me upset was all in my head, or because I'm Autistic I just wanted to start a fuss.<ee> <es>Saying that because my father was abusive and my mother was addicted to opioids for a few years that I'm a "bad seed".. me and my mother have a very healthy relationship and I haven't spoken to my father in over ten years. (even though he was the same... For longer, and his family never got help....)<ee> <efs>He makes me feel like I'm at fault for the house being a mess even when I have been gone all day.<efe> <es> He never asks about my day.<ee> <es>All he does all day is play Red Dead Redemption 2 or Ghost Recon Breakpoint, or eat food.<ee> <es>When he's upset with the games, especially online modes, he will scream at the top of his lungs, break things and yell at me to pick them up or clean it immediately, and get mad when I flinch, then yell at me.<ee> <es>He hasn't hesitated raising his fist.<ee> <es>He's paralyzed half of my face before. (If you want to know, the long story short is he gave me bells palsey because he hit me in the face for not getting him enough birthday gifts, a few days later I woke to a pain in my face and half of it wouldn't move. He laughed at me.)<ee> <es>He gets mad that I can't buy him a new 4k tv, new video games, new controllers, PC... Even though I'm going through school right now!!! I barely have enough to feed myself.<ee> <es>As if I'm even obligated to get him a damn entertainment system!!<ee> <es>He doesn't have a job nor is he on disability. <ee> <es>I have a problem with my nose, I get nose bleeds but I cough up the blood quite often due to it dripping down my throat.<ee> <es>When this happens he accuses me of using blood capsules to get attention.<ee> <es>He took pictures and put it on Snapchat one time saying, " oh look, *myname* is pulling her silly little pranks again!"<ee> <es>I had a seizure and he didn't bat an eye. <ee> <es>He has never taken me on a real date in the 3 years we've been together.<ee> <es>He talks to anybody and everyone he can about how inattentive I am.<ee> <es>He uses my secrets against me.<ee> <es>My childhood abuse?<ee> <es>He said I must have liked it and I'm at fault for it happening to me for not immediately reporting.<ee> <es>My history with drug abuse?<ee> <es>He holds that over my head at every chance. <ee> <es>Every time we try to get intimate anymore he just pretty much, to save being graphic, gets it over with for himself and doesn't pay any mind to me.<ee> <es>Not to mention half the time it ends up in a fight because I won't give him a play- by - play on what to do to me.<ee> <es>I don't enjoy it anymore and I'm barely even attracted to him.<ee> <efs>He's every horrible thing a man can be so why does it pain me to want to leave him?<efe> Why? Oh my God why?
| 2 | 2 | 0 | null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
your boyfriend is abusing you
| null | true | 220 |
eitmxt
|
Emotional Regulation Helps Solve the Problem
|
0
|
chitchat
| 4 | null |
AfterismQueen
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-02 04:59:54
|
selfhelp
| null | 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
Not a Post
| true | 0 |
eoiq9y
|
Someone close to me
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
Someone close to me told me they could pay for my rehab yesterday. I think I should accept the offer, right?
|
hjkljgtj
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-14 08:45:49
|
addiction
|
<es>Someone close to me told me they could pay for my rehab yesterday.<ee> <rs>I think I should accept the offer, right?<re>
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
your rehab
|
How did X make you feel?
|
someone paying for your rehab
| null | null | null | true | 102 |
em6ds7
|
Starting to Consider I Have Anger Issues
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 2 |
Recently I’ve been considering whether or not I have some severe anger issues and idk what really to do about it.
9 times out of 10 at least in my opinion I am quite a collected, quiet, and calm individual, although goofy and easily excited never usually impulsively angry, but that one time out of the other nine I absolutely explode and completely lose my mind and after the cork blows and the storm settles I see my self as some kind of psychopath.
Sometimes it’s something worth getting angry about if I’ve been wronged or something usually normal to get agitated over but even then I can stay some what clear headed, but most of the times I get explosively angry at the littlest things that either inconvenience me or if I’m caught up in my own little world of people trying to screw me over.
Some of the things that set me off and have me seeing nothing but red are things like slow internet during video games or streaming services, people who are overly cocky and rude to other because they think they are better than myself or another person, changes in plans that have been set in motion (I do recognize that this one is just a fact of life sometimes and not everything can be set in stone, none the less I still get angry over it).
I also feel I’m using the word angry a little too nicely, violent would be a much better word to describe my feelings at specific instances in my life.
For a while Ive had a problem with self harm and always linked it with sadness as it usually is linked together but I’m starting to think I hurt myself whether it be less severe like punching my leg or more severe like cutting my wrist because I’m angry at either myself or the situation I’m presented with. Not only has the anger been taxing on me physically due to self harm it’s been a financial problem too. Televisions, tv/game remotes are either thrown or hit in one way or another. Sometimes I’ll drive the hell out of my car and tear up the roads going stupidly dangerous speeds weaving through traffic just to break out of the norms and drive like a stupid asshole.
Idk what else to say or what else to ask of anyone that reads this just would like some insight. I apologize for the length.
|
The_Mangoloid
| 1 | 0 | 6 |
2020-01-09 07:28:55
|
Anger
|
<es>Recently I’ve been considering whether or not I have some severe anger issues and idk what really to do about it. <ee> <es>9 times out of 10 at least in my opinion I am quite a collected, quiet, and calm individual, although goofy and easily excited never usually impulsively angry, but that one time out of the other nine I absolutely explode and completely lose my mind and after the cork blows and the storm settles I see my self as some kind of psychopath.<ee> <es>Sometimes it’s something worth getting angry about if I’ve been wronged or something usually normal to get agitated over but even then I can stay some what clear headed, but most of the times I get explosively angry at the littlest things that either inconvenience me or if I’m caught up in my own little world of people trying to screw me over.<ee> <es>Some of the things that set me off and have me seeing nothing but red are things like slow internet during video games or streaming services, people who are overly cocky and rude to other because they think they are better than myself or another person, changes in plans that have been set in motion (I do recognize that this one is just a fact of life sometimes and not everything can be set in stone, none the less I still get angry over it).<ee> <efs>I also feel I’m using the word angry a little too nicely, violent would be a much better word to describe my feelings at specific instances in my life.<efe> <es>For a while Ive had a problem with self harm and always linked it with sadness as it usually is linked together but I’m starting to think I hurt myself whether it be less severe like punching my leg or more severe like cutting my wrist because I’m angry at either myself or the situation I’m presented with.<ee> <es>Not only has the anger been taxing on me physically due to self harm it’s been a financial problem too.<ee> <es>Televisions, tv/game remotes are either thrown or hit in one way or another.<ee> <es>Sometimes I’ll drive the hell out of my car and tear up the roads going stupidly dangerous speeds weaving through traffic just to break out of the norms and drive like a stupid asshole.<ee> Idk what else to say or what else to ask of anyone that reads this just would like some insight. I apologize for the length.
| 2 | 1 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
the violent feelings you had
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
your anger issues is causing you problems
| null | true | 210 |
ejk5ya
|
Going onto day 2
|
0
|
survey
| 1 |
Just woke up after 9 hours of sleep (thanks Xanax)
My last dose was Wednesday evening. I feel pretty decent my stomach feels ok but I have started to get the runs.
I hate fentynal so much with a passion because the wost likely hasn't shown itself. Fuck these blue little pills lol anybody else hate em?
Btw I want to thank everybody in this sub ps to have at least something completely alone.
4 more hours until officially day 2.
|
fentypressy
| 3 | 0 | 4 |
2020-01-03 19:17:19
|
OpiatesRecovery
|
<es>Just woke up after 9 hours of sleep (thanks Xanax)<ee> <es>My last dose was Wednesday evening.<ee> <es>I feel pretty decent my stomach feels ok but I have started to get the runs. <ee> <es>I hate fentynal so much with a passion because the wost likely hasn't shown itself.<ee> Fuck these blue little pills lol anybody else hate em? Btw I want to thank everybody in this sub ps to have at least something completely alone. <es>4 more hours until officially day 2.<ee>
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what made you take xanax
|
How did X make you feel?
|
taking xanax
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you have started to get the runs again
| null | true | 100 |
emv0o7
|
The Politics Of PTSD - U.S. Congressman Jim Banks (R-Ind.) dismiss mention of PTSD as “offensive” unless it's about US military veterans. Who knew that only Americans could have PTSD.
|
0
|
chitchat
| 2 |
>Jim Banks
>
>@RepJimBanks
>
>Rep. Ilhan Omar complained she’s “stricken with PTSD” because of recent events in the Middle East.
>
>This is a disgrace and offensive to our nation’s veterans who really do have PTSD after putting their life on the line to keep America safe.
>
Source - https://twitter.com/RepJimBanks/status/1215034549765312512?s=20
See:
[Ilhan Omar Talks About ‘Trauma’ Of War After GOP Lawmaker Dismissed Her PTSD](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/ilhan-omar-war-ptsd-iran_n_5e179d22c5b6da971d130805?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvLnVrLw&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAANsWOG0-_9DyN01c1ZjTpkxMuqUvAoq-J2sS6EsPWomdo3UYWSTTznYRS5lX5JTIyYWqy1s11MJQ96LIVhSo1AD4vdNvb-Gj9fNZ3RK9AogJsEfoiSk2qn-EqphoDYy8wxmbztK2-DVr_95bXchVahcEbGftXEs-SyuaeMVXu90A)
|
BlueAzzure
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-10 18:28:43
|
ptsd
|
>Jim Banks > >@RepJimBanks > >Rep. Ilhan Omar complained she’s “stricken with PTSD” because of recent events in the Middle East. > >This is a disgrace and offensive to our nation’s veterans who really do have PTSD after putting their life on the line to keep America safe. > Source - https://twitter.com/RepJimBanks/status/1215034549765312512?s=20 See: [Ilhan Omar Talks About ‘Trauma’ Of War After GOP Lawmaker Dismissed Her PTSD](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/ilhan-omar-war-ptsd-iran_n_5e179d22c5b6da971d130805?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvLnVrLw&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAANsWOG0-_9DyN01c1ZjTpkxMuqUvAoq-J2sS6EsPWomdo3UYWSTTznYRS5lX5JTIyYWqy1s11MJQ96LIVhSo1AD4vdNvb-Gj9fNZ3RK9AogJsEfoiSk2qn-EqphoDYy8wxmbztK2-DVr_95bXchVahcEbGftXEs-SyuaeMVXu90A)
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
ej42sl
|
I think I'm going to relapse after 6 weeks of being clean.
|
1a
|
rant
| 1 |
My parents really don't care about me at all. I've had a really difficult day and spent most of it alone in my room crying. I know they can hear me. They haven't came to see if I was ok.
I haven't had a proper night's sleep in 2 weeks because my brother and his girlfriend keep waking me up throughout the night by fucking really loud.
My brother decided to rearrange his room today and now his headboard is againt my wall so now the sound is going to be worse. I talked to my parents about it and asked him if he could move it back but I was too awkward to say why because it makes me kind of uncomfortable so they did nothing about it.
Now I know that I won't be getting any sleep for a while and it's exams next week so I'm pretty much fucked. I can't concentrate on studying because I'm so tired and it's really stressing me out. The only ways I handle stress are by eating and cutting and since I'm trying to be healthy right now all I can think about is cutting.
I really don't want to do it but I just can't handle being this stressed.
|
Momo747788443
| 2 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-02 20:51:39
|
selfharm
|
<es>My parents really don't care about me at all.<ee> <es>I've had a really difficult day and spent most of it alone in my room crying.<ee> <es>I know they can hear me.<ee> <es>They haven't came to see if I was ok.<ee> <es>I haven't had a proper night's sleep in 2 weeks because my brother and his girlfriend keep waking me up throughout the night by fucking really loud. <ee> <es>My brother decided to rearrange his room today and now his headboard is againt my wall so now the sound is going to be worse.<ee> <efs>I talked to my parents about it and asked him if he could move it back but I was too awkward to say why because it makes me kind of uncomfortable so they did nothing about it.<efe> <es>Now I know that I won't be getting any sleep for a while and it's exams next week so I'm pretty much fucked.<ee> <es>I can't concentrate on studying because I'm so tired<ee> <efs>it's really stressing me out.<efe> <es>The only ways I handle stress are by eating and cutting and since I'm trying to be healthy right now all I can think about is cutting.<ee> <es>I really don't want to do it but I just can't handle being this stressed.<ee>
| 2 | 2 | 0 | null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are getting stressed due to your studies
| null | true | 220 |
em9o3j
|
Non-life threatening crisis support
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
I'm having difficultly even finding the right place to reach out too. I'm not in a crisis mode where I feel like I'm a "threat to myself and others" but I do feel like I'm mentally not sound. I don't have any suicidal thoughts, or any thoughts of harm of violence. I simply just have an overwhelming anxiety and this lingering feeling that no matter where I am I just can't feel safe. The uneasy feelings of not being safe are taking over my entire day. I've been hospitalized when I was much younger and had a very unpleasant experience in a non-voluntary setting. My diagnosis in the past constantly changed and I never really got answers.
Where do you go when you believe you need more than just counseling, really seeking more of an inpatient setting or something much more than just counseling but you don't really need to help of a full crisis center for suicide or emergency?
|
cexplor
| 1 | 0 | 3 |
2020-01-09 13:31:49
|
mentalillness
|
<es>I'm having difficultly even finding the right place to reach out too.<ee> <efs>I'm not in a crisis mode where I feel like I'm a "threat to myself and others" but I do feel like I'm mentally not sound.<efe> I don't have any suicidal thoughts, or any thoughts of harm of violence. <es><efs>I simply just have an overwhelming anxiety and this lingering feeling that no matter where I am I just can't feel safe.<efe><ee> <es>The uneasy feelings of not being safe are taking over my entire day.<ee> <es>I've been hospitalized when I was much younger and had a very unpleasant experience in a non-voluntary setting.<ee> <es>My diagnosis in the past constantly changed and I never really got answers.<ee> <rs>Where do you go when you believe you need more than just counseling, really seeking more of an inpatient setting or something much more than just counseling but you don't really need to help of a full crisis center for suicide or emergency?<re>
| 1 | 2 | 2 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
the cause of the overwhelming anxiety and fear
| null | null | null | null | null | true | 122 |
el5ntk
|
any advice?
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
I tried explaining BPD to my mom and she just calls me dramatic and says its not real. What do I do because it really really grains on me.
|
ZackyThieme
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
2020-01-07 03:38:15
|
mentalillness
|
I tried explaining BPD to my mom and she just calls me dramatic and says its not real. What do I do because it really really grains on me.
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
eipdzh
|
Fuck ADHD
|
1b
|
rant
| 2 |
I just want to rant a little, because I'm crying now and feel absolutely awful. All I want to say is:
- Fuck ADHD for making me cry in class because I need perfect grades but can't focus properly
- Fuck ADHD for making me focus on the more "fun" stuff when I know I should be serious right now and study/pay attention
- Fuck ADHD for making me forget to bring or do stuff three times in a row
- Fuck ADHD for making me restless
- Fuck ADHD for fucking up my sleep schedule
- Fuck ADHD for making me late
- Fuck ADHD for making me procrastinate
- Fuck ADHD for making me suicidal because of all this
Just fuck ADHD. I can't even be on medication right now, because my doctor keeps switching appointments to a later time and I can't take it anymore 😭
|
NorthernDownpoured
| 1 | 0 | 87 |
2020-01-01 23:11:09
|
ADHD
|
<rs>I just want to rant a little.<re> <efs>because I'm crying now and feel absolutely awful.<efe> All I want to say is: <es>- Fuck ADHD for making me cry in class because I need perfect grades but can't focus properly<ee> <es>- Fuck ADHD for making me focus on the more "fun" stuff when I know I should be serious right now and study/pay attention <ee> <es>- Fuck ADHD for making me forget to bring or do stuff three times in a row<ee> <es>- Fuck ADHD for making me restless<ee> <es>- Fuck ADHD for fucking up my sleep schedule<ee> <es>- Fuck ADHD for making me late<ee> <es>- Fuck ADHD for making me procrastinate<ee> <es>- Fuck ADHD for making me suicidal because of all this<ee> <es>Just fuck ADHD.<ee> <es>I can't even be on medication right now, because my doctor keeps switching appointments to a later time and I can't take it anymore <ee>
| 2 | 2 | 0 | null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are unable to take medications
| null | true | 220 |
ekm9cm
|
I feel dead inside. Can anyone relate?
|
1b
|
rant
| 2 |
Tl;dr: Feeling dead inside. I just want to be happy :(
Its stuff that's been bothering me forever. And I am making progress towards making it better. Today started out good. I was minding my own business. And then coincidentally, I get criticized by my manager, and then next a customer criticizes me....and then after that, someone whom I use to work with, also came in and made a comment as well. All three of them like clockwork made me feel like crap about myself. Maybe they didnt mean it, but it just sucks. I already feel like a failure because I'm not where I wish I was at in life, but I'm trying. And it sucks when people doubt me when I never even asked for their opinion. All I was doing was working today, and my manager was speaking to one of the other employees about me. "She doesn't challenge herself. She doesn't do this. This and that." Keep in mind, I was literally doing my job exactly as I should. And this is the same manager that acts like my friend a week ago, but then hes going to bash me and criticize me to other people. And then once again while I was at work today, a customer (a regular) comes up and goes "are you going to be here forever? You've been here since so so havent you?" That made me feel even more like crap...and then someone whom I use to work with came in shortly after and also made a comment about how I'm "still" working there.
Point is, I am going back to school literally in like 3 weeks or less. It may be only one class for now. But I definitely plan I taking more. I havent even really told anyone about it. I'm glad I haven't because it just seems like everyone is doubting me anyway. I'm afraid of going back because it's been a while...I am 25. I know I can do it. But school use to be so bad for me, no one ever liked me or wanted to be my friend. Anyway this is way too long.
|
schmeggy94
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-06 01:05:10
|
sad
|
<efs>Tl;dr: Feeling dead inside.<efe> <rs>I just want to be happy :(<re> <es>Its stuff that's been bothering me forever.<ee> And I am making progress towards making it better. <es>Today started out good.<ee> <es>I was minding my own business.<ee> <es>And then coincidentally, I get criticized by my manager, and then next a customer criticizes me....and then after that, someone whom I use to work with, also came in and made a comment as well.<ee> <efs>All three of them like clockwork made me feel like crap about myself.<efe> <efs>Maybe they didnt mean it, but it just sucks.<efe> <efs>I already feel like a failure because I'm not where I wish I was at in life, but I'm trying.<efe> <es>And it sucks when people doubt me when I never even asked for their opinion.<ee> <es>All I was doing was working today, and my manager was speaking to one of the other employees about me.<ee> <es>"She doesn't challenge herself. She doesn't do this. This and that."<ee> <es>Keep in mind, I was literally doing my job exactly as I should.<ee> <es>And this is the same manager that acts like my friend a week ago, but then hes going to bash me and criticize me to other people.<ee> <es>And then once again while I was at work today, a customer (a regular) comes up and goes "are you going to be here forever?<ee> <es>You've been here since so so havent you?"<ee> <es>That made me feel even more like crap...and then someone whom I use to work with came in shortly after and also made a comment about how I'm "still" working there. <ee> <es>Point is, I am going back to school literally in like 3 weeks or less.<ee> It may be only one class for now. But I definitely plan I taking more. I havent even really told anyone about it. I'm glad I haven't because it just seems like everyone is doubting me anyway. <efs>I'm afraid of going back because it's been a while...I am 25.<efe> <es>I know I can do it.<ee> <es>But school use to be so bad for me, no one ever liked me or wanted to be my friend.<ee> Anyway this is way too long.
| 2 | 2 | 1 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would make you happy
| null | true | 221 |
fvpy8w
|
Not sure what I want out of therapy
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
What do you get out of therapy? I find it very difficult to bring up the things I probably really need to bring up. There's no natural segways in conversations, I may not be in the "right" mindset and I lose my train of thought, etc. I feel like therapy isnt going anywhere and I can only afford to go once/month anyway.
Plus I don't really know what I want. In therapy or life. I have no real goals. I have been told to set some but... nothing comes to mind.
I'm thinking of quitting. How can I make this worthwhile?
|
meadowcap
| 4 | 0 | 4 |
2020-04-06 01:51:33
|
getting_over_it
|
<rs>What do you get out of therapy?<re> <es>I find it very difficult to bring up the things I probably really need to bring up.<ee> <es>There's no natural segways in conversations, I may not be in the "right" mindset and I lose my train of thought, etc.<ee> <efs>I feel like therapy isnt going anywhere and I can only afford to go once/month anyway. <efe> <es>Plus I don't really know what I want.<ee> <es>In therapy or life.<ee> <es>I have no real goals.<ee> <es>I have been told to set some but... nothing comes to mind.<ee> <es>I'm thinking of quitting.<ee> <efs>How can I make this worthwhile?<efe>
| 1 | 1 | 2 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you find it difficult to bring up things
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how you feel about the therapy
| null | null | null | true | 112 |
f253c7
|
PLEASE TALK TO ME
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
I CANT STOP SCREAMING
|
maverakain
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-02-11 07:35:59
|
getting_over_it
|
<rs>PLEASE TALK TO ME<re> <es>I CANT STOP SCREAMING<ee>
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you can't stop screaming
|
How did X make you feel?
|
the incident
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what you want to talk about
| null | true | 101 |
eic8t8
|
I'm scared to vent.
|
1b
|
rant
| 1 |
I'm not saying this for upvotes. I'm so mad at everything and i'm so sad, and don't know who to tell. The closest thing i have for friends are some of my friends friends on a discord server, and they hardly like me.
|
redhead209
| 1 | 0 | 5 |
2020-01-01 01:44:06
|
depression
|
<efs>I'm scared to vent.<efe> I'm not saying this for upvotes. <efs>I'm so mad at everything and i'm so sad, and don't know who to tell.<efe> <es>The closest thing i have for friends are some of my friends friends on a discord server, and they hardly like me.<ee>
| 0 | 2 | 0 |
What made you feel X ?
|
mad at everything
| null | null |
What can help you overcome X ?
|
the sadness
| null | true | 20 |
emjq8m
|
Does anyone else get seizure-like spasms from stress or missing meds?
|
1a
|
survey
| 1 |
I think I had a seizure today but I’m not sure. I occasionally get really bad dissociative attacks that involve an inability to construct sentences longer than three words. Basically I can answer yes and no questions and that’s it. I also just feel like I can’t move in a meaningful way (if that makes sense) and I lay there while my body spazzes out.
|
heccin_anon
| 1 | 0 | 7 |
2020-01-10 01:37:43
|
ptsd
|
<rs>Does anyone else get seizure-like spasms from stress or missing meds?<re> <es>I think I had a seizure today but I’m not sure.<ee> <es>I occasionally get really bad dissociative attacks that involve an inability to construct sentences longer than three words.<ee> <es>Basically I can answer yes and no questions and that’s it.<ee> <efs>I also just feel like I can’t move in a meaningful way (if that makes sense) and I lay there while my body spazzes out.<efe>
| 2 | 1 | 2 | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how the medicines made you feel
| null | null | null | true | 212 |
em2mox
|
I’m new here need support TW
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
I’m survivor of child sexual abuse , Rape
I’m going through depression and anxiety
Now I’m having some suicidal thoughts
I can’t deal with them
|
lylylove
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-09 01:45:31
|
ptsd
|
<rs>I’m new here need support TW<re> <es>I’m survivor of child sexual abuse , Rape<ee> <efs>I’m going through depression and anxiety <efe> <efs>Now I’m having some suicidal thoughts <efe> <es>I can’t deal with them<ee>
| 2 | 2 | 1 | null | null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what kind of support would help you
| null | true | 221 |
etx843
|
How to handle stress?
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
I do not ask for advices like eat healthy etc. I am rather asking about what to do in extreme situations, what to do if stress makes us unable to live normally, makes us behave in a way we do not want to behave. Sometimes stress blocks me to do something I want. It's really strange and irrational and I do not know the root of it. I tried to find the source, but didn't make it yet.
|
Ernio26
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-25 21:50:25
|
selfhelp
|
<rs>I do not ask for advices like eat healthy etc.<re> <rs>I am rather asking about what to do in extreme situations, what to do if stress makes us unable to live normally, makes us behave in a way we do not want to behave.<re> <es>Sometimes stress blocks me to do something I want.<ee> <es>It's really strange and irrational and I do not know the root of it.<ee> <es>I tried to find the source, but didn't make it yet.<ee>
| 2 | 0 | 2 | null | null |
How did X make you feel?
|
stress
| null | null | null | true | 202 |
eiagip
|
2020
|
1c
|
rant
| 1 |
im not talking anymore with my only friend. i ignored her today when she approached me to say merry christmas tried to hug me, then i pushed her arm and continue walking. she doesnr really give a fuck about me, but she was my only friend. but i hate her now anyways 8 hours later when i just got home, something also bad happened. i told my mom to die. now the whole place is a mess. when i got home i broke everything in the house,threw things everywhere, then sat at the center of the mess and started screaming and crying. that was 1 and a half hour later after 2020.
this is the day i realized i will never be normal, i probably have really serious mental issues, but i dont know what it is. the medicines i take doesnt really work too.
Today, at the first day of 2020 i realized i will have a really miserable life, and end up killing myself. I will never be happy. Today is the day i realized
|
deniz_2258
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
2019-12-31 23:16:29
|
depression
|
<es>im not talking anymore with my only friend.<ee> i ignored her today when she approached me to say merry christmas tried to hug me, then i pushed her arm and continue walking. <es>she doesnr really give a fuck about me, but she was my only friend.<ee> but i hate her now anyways 8 hours later when i just got home, something also bad happened. <es>i told my mom to die.<ee> <es>now the whole place is a mess.<ee> <es>when i got home i broke everything in the house,threw things everywhere, then sat at the center of the mess and started screaming and crying.<ee> that was 1 and a half hour later after 2020. <es>this is the day i realized i will never be normal, i probably have really serious mental issues, but i dont know what it is.<ee> <es>the medicines i take doesnt really work too.<ee> <es>Today, at the first day of 2020 i realized i will have a really miserable life, and end up killing myself.<ee> I will never be happy. Today is the day i realized
| 2 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
How did X make you feel?
|
causing the mess
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you feel you have mental health issues
|
suicidal
| true | 200 |
eipdls
|
I noticed i still can be happy. And it feels amazing.
|
1a
|
chitchat
| 1 |
I just need to tell someone and i can relate the most with this subreddit, so i hope you will understand how important it is for me :)
For a long time i was empty inside. I'm kinda lonly and after my girlfriend left me i gave up and started cutting again. Since then i never was happy, just numb. This new years eve i visited a friend for the first time.
The whole time i didnt thought about it but now i'm back home and i realize, i was happy. This feeling was awesome.
Being home alone brings back some of my problems but now i know its still possible for me to be happy and there will be better times somewhere in my future.
Thanks for reading it. It means a lot to me :)
|
AweeqDw-____
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
2020-01-01 23:10:24
|
selfharm
|
<rs>I just need to tell someone and i can relate the most with this subreddit, so i hope you will understand how important it is for me :)<re> <efs>For a long time i was empty inside.<efe> <es>I'm kinda lonly and after my girlfriend left me i gave up and started cutting again.<ee> <efs>Since then i never was happy, just numb.<efe> <es>This new years eve i visited a friend for the first time. <ee> <efs>The whole time i didnt thought about it but now i'm back home and i realize, i was happy.<efe> <efs>This feeling was awesome.<efe> <es>Being home alone brings back some of my problems but now i know its still possible for me to be happy and there will be better times somewhere in my future. <ee> Thanks for reading it. It means a lot to me :)
| 2 | 2 | 2 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
eihqr8
|
How can I keep myself safe?
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 2 |
So I have huge anxiety and paranoia around accidents , to an extent which I feel most simply wouldn't understand because of how extreme and pronounced my fear is . It's like when everyone's at home together my fear is reduced to an extent because I know that if something did happen that other people would be around to help . But when someone's out of the house I fly into a panic because I believe they're going to be killed in a road accident or something if they're home ten minutes later than usual . Anyway going off topic , I use self harm as a coping mechanism but yesterday evening I took two paracetamol (which I know people are probably thinking is stupid because that's no where near enough to be classed as an overdose) but I know I didn't need to take those pills and it was kind of (as fucked up as it sounds ) me proving to myself that I could take an overdose next time if I wanted to if I took more tablets ) I don't really want to die as such I want to protect myself from being exposed to others dying through disease and trauma etc.
|
sticcsandsnaccs
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
2020-01-01 12:11:06
|
Anxiety
|
<es>So I have huge anxiety and paranoia around accidents , to an extent which I feel most simply wouldn't understand because of how extreme and pronounced my fear is .<ee> <efs>It's like when everyone's at home together my fear is reduced to an extent because I know that if something did happen that other people would be around to help .<efe> <efs>But when someone's out of the house I fly into a panic because I believe they're going to be killed in a road accident or something if they're home ten minutes later than usual .<efe> <es>Anyway going off topic , I use self harm as a coping mechanism but yesterday evening I took two paracetamol (which I know people are probably thinking is stupid because that's no where near enough to be classed as an overdose) but I know I didn't need to take those pills and it was kind of (as fucked up as it sounds ) me proving to myself that I could take an overdose next time if I wanted to if I took more tablets )<ee> <rs>I don't really want to die as such I want to protect myself from being exposed to others dying through disease and trauma etc.<re>
| 2 | 2 | 1 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would help control your fears
| null | true | 221 |
ej2f29
|
Trying to stop smoking and on stimulant medication... So much harder?!
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
Classic 1st of Jan planned smoking cessation began. I struggled through the day and didn't smoke at all, until about 3am when I just couldn't sleep at all.
Today is my first day on 50mg lisdexamphetamine, and I'm really struggling to keep distracted. Now almost 7pm, and it's getting harder and harder. I'm so consumed by the intrusive craving thoughts that I'm almost backing down from my idea of going cold turkey (I'm usually very black or white), and changing to a ramping down or daily scheduled reduction or something. I am also aware though that this may be me trying to just excuse myself and allow a smoke this eve. So I don't know how much of this new idea makes sense and how much is just bias from my craving desire to smoke.
Anyone been through this on stimulant meds? What do you do? This is torture
|
jerbaws
| 1 | 0 | 16 |
2020-01-02 18:57:31
|
ADHD
|
<es>Classic 1st of Jan planned smoking cessation began. I struggled through the day and didn't smoke at all, until about 3am when I just couldn't sleep at all. <ee> <es>Today is my first day on 50mg lisdexamphetamine, and I'm really struggling to keep distracted.<ee> <es>Now almost 7pm, and it's getting harder and harder.<ee><es> I'm so consumed by the intrusive craving thoughts that I'm almost backing down from my idea of going cold turkey (I'm usually very black or white), and changing to a ramping down or daily scheduled reduction or something.<ee> <es>I am also aware though that this may be me trying to just excuse myself and allow a smoke this eve.<ee> <es>So I don't know how much of this new idea makes sense and how much is just bias from my craving desire to smoke. <ee> <rs>Anyone been through this on stimulant meds?<re> <rs>What do you do?<re> <efs>This is torture<efe>
| 2 | 1 | 2 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 212 |
eihhwh
|
club penguin is kill
|
0
|
rant
| 1 |
me me sad boy
|
Diarrbetus
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
2020-01-01 11:37:22
|
sad
|
me me sad boy
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
ejbqsq
|
Does anyone take/have experience with Gabapentin?
|
0
|
survey
| 1 |
I got prescribed it today for my overactive anxiety and being too sensitive to sounds and stimuli.
|
-dva
| 2 | 0 | 5 |
2020-01-03 06:49:40
|
BPD
|
<rs>Does anyone take/have experience with Gabapentin?<re> <es>I got prescribed it today for my overactive anxiety and being too sensitive to sounds and stimuli.<ee>
| 2 | 0 | 2 | null | null |
How did X make you feel?
|
being too sensitive to stimuli
| null | null | null | true | 202 |
f186mf
|
Someone reported and got the moderators on r/Vaporwave to remove my song because he did not like it and thought it was low quality, and yet, everyone else liked the song!
|
1b
|
rant
| 3 |
So I posted a song called **Ｓｏｍｅｔｈｉｎｇ ｅｖｉｌ ｓｔｉｒｓ,** and a lot of you liked it! It got about 320 upvotes, but someone who goes by [u/vapidvapidvapidvapid](https://www.reddit.com/u/vapidvapidvapidvapid/) did not like it, and said that it sucks horribly, and went on to say that this subreddit is in a terrible shape because the people on this subreddit liked the song. I said that the subreddit seems fine and that it was the first track I have ever made and that I was never taught any music mixing skills, I had to teach myself. I also said that we should all give newcomers a chance... he responded with this:
" You aren't asking for support as a new artist, you're asking for brownie points. 90% of the posts on here are from people that have no formal musical education. If all of them got 300 upvotes for trying to make music their first time, or just for trying in general, the skill (and quality) floor would drop significantly for this sub. I'm just giving actual feedback that this is not good, and you should not be content with releasing more music like this."
He called me down and said I was only looking for brownie points and not support as a newcomer. But I was not looking for either of those things. He then said that I should be ashamed of myself for releasing this kind of music. So if I cannot post here than where do I post, no, WHERE CAN ALL NEWCOMERS TO MAKING MUSIC POST?! So I responded with this:
"This is actually kind of offensive, telling me not to express my self, and release music because **YOU** do not like it. Other people seem to like this, and that is why it got so many upvotes. And isn't this what this subreddit is here for? Vaporwave music of all kinds? Of beginners, and of the elite? Of new, and of old? What good is a community if you do not give the beginners a chance, even if there music is low quality? If you don't like it, then don't, but you don't have to shoot it down and tell the artist to crawl back into a hole.
I am not asking for brownie points, neither am I fully asking for support as a new artist. As for your feedback, I do not mind getting feedback, not even if it is criticism, as long as it is healthy criticism that is not harsh, like telling how and why it is low quality while being nice about it and not telling them that they are messing up the subreddit.
Now if you do not like beginners on this subreddit posting their content, I have a suggestion for you: (Get someone to, or do it yourself if you can) create a subreddit for beginners, like me to express their first time works without harsh criticism like you are giving.
Now you should not tell me to stop posting and not be happy with what I post, I will post what I please, and if you don't like that then you can leave, okay? Anyone should be allowed to post whatever they want, not whatever you want. This world does not revolve around you [u/vapidvapidvapidvapid](https://www.reddit.com/u/vapidvapidvapidvapid/), and it does not revolve around me, either. You can give your opinion, just don't be a jerk about it."
So then I waited for his response. But instead I had my post removed because it was "low quality", and then it occurred to me that he reported my post and had it removed. ARE YOU SERIOUS, DID YOU FORGET WHAT REMEMBER THE HUMAN MEANS? IT MEANS THAT WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER, WE ARE ALL HUMAN! IT DOES NOT MATTER IF A NEWCOMER OR A MASTER OF THIS GENRE, WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER, WE ARE ALL EQUAL! AND JUST BECAUSE EVERYONE LIKES SOMETHING YOU DO NOT LIKE DOES NOT GIVE YOU ANY RIGHT TO HAVE IT REMOVED!
So here is my message to [u/vapidvapidvapidvapid](https://www.reddit.com/u/vapidvapidvapidvapid/):
So you reported my post and had it removed...
Your a real fucking hero, aren't you? Listen, your just being a big fucking jerk! I am only new to this, so would it not make sense that my post would not be lower quality than the rest?! You think you helped save this subreddit? This subreddit needs no saving, or maybe THIS SUBREDDIT ONLY NEEDS SAVING FROM PEOPLE LIKE YOU, PEOPLE WHO DOWNVOTE NEWCOMER CONTENT TO HELL AND WANT IT REMOVED!
Listen, I can put up with the antics of [u/LORD\_CALIDOR](https://www.reddit.com/u/LORD_CALIDOR/) on the [r/althomestuck](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/) subreddit, he may be a bit mean at times, but I know he is a good person inside! He made this comic for me: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/exctjq/saturday\_sbahj/](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/exctjq/saturday_sbahj/)
And even though it depicts Obama killing me, he did not want to make it, done it for my amusement, as he said: "> [u/arachnidsGrimreaper](https://www.reddit.com/u/arachnidsGrimreaper/) HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS MORE THAN I SUFFERED MAKING IT"
he made this for me because I took a meme he made without asking because I forgot to ask, He wanted me to take it down, I apologized and took it down.
I know that even though [u/LORD\_CALIDOR](https://www.reddit.com/u/LORD_CALIDOR/) may come of as a bit mean, he is still nice, he **remembers the human**. There was someone else who remembered the human, [u/Sylfr](https://www.reddit.com/u/Sylfr/), who even though I was scared and kind of embarrassed to admit something, I admitted it anyway, they game me a gold medal, because they knew I was embarrassed, they knew I was afraid, but they knew I needed someone to tell that to! [u/Sylfr](https://www.reddit.com/u/Sylfr/) **REMEMBERED THE HUMAN**! [u/TheOkBob](https://www.reddit.com/u/TheOkBob/) remembered the human as well, it all started with one post, John Egbert on a vaporwave beach, and the title said "John seems happy", and so [u/TheOkBob](https://www.reddit.com/u/TheOkBob/) commented on the post, saying "As he should be.", and then it started, a roleplay, I told him that I sent John there after Asriel done something to him, and made a traumatic backstory! This bloomed into the best shitpost story ever, you can look at it here:
Part 0: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/exgehc/welp\_john\_seems\_happy/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/exgehc/welp_john_seems_happy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) (Read the comments!!)
Part 1: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eydsha/after\_the\_long\_cold\_war\_i\_finally\_did\_it\_i/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eydsha/after_the_long_cold_war_i_finally_did_it_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Part 2: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eye9uv/make\_him\_pay/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eye9uv/make_him_pay/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Part 2.5: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyejeb/john\_is\_safe\_for\_now\_i\_saved\_him/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyejeb/john_is_safe_for_now_i_saved_him/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Part 3: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyemrq/did\_we\_win/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyemrq/did_we_win/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Part 3.5: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyf6as/helpjpg/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyf6as/helpjpg/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Part 4: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyffzh/ralsei\_and\_i\_will\_save\_yoooouuuu/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyffzh/ralsei_and_i_will_save_yoooouuuu/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Part 5: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyfxci/g\_u\_n/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyfxci/g_u_n/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Part 6: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eygjnk/to\_be\_continued/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eygjnk/to_be_continued/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Part 7: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyyasu/hewwo/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyyasu/hewwo/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Part 8: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyyytb/are\_ya\_ready\_kids/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyyytb/are_ya_ready_kids/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Part 8.5: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyz7ak/equip\_dersite\_love/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyz7ak/equip_dersite_love/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Part 9: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyz7cl/the\_death\_of\_a\_god/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyz7cl/the_death_of_a_god/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Part 10: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/ezi7g7/how\_do\_i\_live\_starts\_playing/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/ezi7g7/how_do_i_live_starts_playing/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Part 11: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/f02oe5/does\_kris\_know\_how\_to\_use\_a\_knife/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/f02oe5/does_kris_know_how_to_use_a_knife/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
[u/TheOkBob](https://www.reddit.com/u/TheOkBob/) was nice, and fun to roleplay with! [u/TheOkBob](https://www.reddit.com/u/TheOkBob/) ***REMEMBERED THE HUMAN!***
But you [u/vapidvapidvapidvapid](https://www.reddit.com/u/vapidvapidvapidvapid/), failed to do that. [r/Vaporwave](https://www.reddit.com/r/Vaporwave/) does not revolve around you, nor I. [r/Vaporwave](https://www.reddit.com/r/Vaporwave/) is a community, this does not show that you care for your fellow man when you get the moderators to remove something just because you think it's bad. Everyone else loved it! So why did you take it down? Did you think you where saving this community? As I said, this subreddit needs no saving. You are not a hero [u/vapidvapidvapidvapid](https://www.reddit.com/u/vapidvapidvapidvapid/), you are just a jerk!
If we let people like this get away with this kind of actions, [I think I know how this would go. Let's take a look back a year or so ago, shall we?](https://www.reddit.com/r/Vaporwave/comments/9g3vkm/why_is_this_subreddit_so_bad/)
It was a bad time, and no, the song I uploaded "**Ｓｏｍｅｔｈｉｎｇ ｅｖｉｌ ｓｔｉｒｓ**" is not a shitty music video, IT IS NOT EVEN A VIDEO! IT IS JUST A STILL IMAGE, SO DON'T EVEN TRY! IT FALLS UNDER ORIGINAL CONTENT AND NEW IDEAS, NOT SHITTY MUSIC VIDEOS! The only reason I used MP4 was because I do not have soundcloud or bandcamp to link, so that is why I used the MP4 format!
And do not worry, I will continue to upload what I please. And maybe I will even go and reupload the song you had taken down "**Ｓｏｍｅｔｈｉｎｇ ｅｖｉｌ ｓｔｉｒｓ"!**
So I think [u/vapidvapidvapidvapid](https://www.reddit.com/u/vapidvapidvapidvapid/) should stop and just let people do what they want to do!
And please, **REMEMBER THE HUMAN! WE ARE ALL IN THIS COMMUNITY TOGETHER!**
|
arachnidsGrimreaper
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
2020-02-09 12:46:14
|
Anger
|
So I posted a song called **Ｓｏｍｅｔｈｉｎｇ ｅｖｉｌ ｓｔｉｒｓ,** and a lot of you liked it! It got about 320 upvotes, but someone who goes by [u/vapidvapidvapidvapid](https://www.reddit.com/u/vapidvapidvapidvapid/) did not like it, and said that it sucks horribly, and went on to say that this subreddit is in a terrible shape because the people on this subreddit liked the song. I said that the subreddit seems fine and that it was the first track I have ever made and that I was never taught any music mixing skills, I had to teach myself. I also said that we should all give newcomers a chance... he responded with this: " You aren't asking for support as a new artist, you're asking for brownie points. 90% of the posts on here are from people that have no formal musical education. If all of them got 300 upvotes for trying to make music their first time, or just for trying in general, the skill (and quality) floor would drop significantly for this sub. I'm just giving actual feedback that this is not good, and you should not be content with releasing more music like this." He called me down and said I was only looking for brownie points and not support as a newcomer. But I was not looking for either of those things. He then said that I should be ashamed of myself for releasing this kind of music. So if I cannot post here than where do I post, no, WHERE CAN ALL NEWCOMERS TO MAKING MUSIC POST?! So I responded with this: "This is actually kind of offensive, telling me not to express my self, and release music because **YOU** do not like it. Other people seem to like this, and that is why it got so many upvotes. And isn't this what this subreddit is here for? Vaporwave music of all kinds? Of beginners, and of the elite? Of new, and of old? What good is a community if you do not give the beginners a chance, even if there music is low quality? If you don't like it, then don't, but you don't have to shoot it down and tell the artist to crawl back into a hole. I am not asking for brownie points, neither am I fully asking for support as a new artist. As for your feedback, I do not mind getting feedback, not even if it is criticism, as long as it is healthy criticism that is not harsh, like telling how and why it is low quality while being nice about it and not telling them that they are messing up the subreddit. Now if you do not like beginners on this subreddit posting their content, I have a suggestion for you: (Get someone to, or do it yourself if you can) create a subreddit for beginners, like me to express their first time works without harsh criticism like you are giving. Now you should not tell me to stop posting and not be happy with what I post, I will post what I please, and if you don't like that then you can leave, okay? Anyone should be allowed to post whatever they want, not whatever you want. This world does not revolve around you [u/vapidvapidvapidvapid](https://www.reddit.com/u/vapidvapidvapidvapid/), and it does not revolve around me, either. You can give your opinion, just don't be a jerk about it." So then I waited for his response. But instead I had my post removed because it was "low quality", and then it occurred to me that he reported my post and had it removed. ARE YOU SERIOUS, DID YOU FORGET WHAT REMEMBER THE HUMAN MEANS? IT MEANS THAT WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER, WE ARE ALL HUMAN! IT DOES NOT MATTER IF A NEWCOMER OR A MASTER OF THIS GENRE, WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER, WE ARE ALL EQUAL! AND JUST BECAUSE EVERYONE LIKES SOMETHING YOU DO NOT LIKE DOES NOT GIVE YOU ANY RIGHT TO HAVE IT REMOVED! So here is my message to [u/vapidvapidvapidvapid](https://www.reddit.com/u/vapidvapidvapidvapid/): So you reported my post and had it removed... Your a real fucking hero, aren't you? Listen, your just being a big fucking jerk! I am only new to this, so would it not make sense that my post would not be lower quality than the rest?! You think you helped save this subreddit? This subreddit needs no saving, or maybe THIS SUBREDDIT ONLY NEEDS SAVING FROM PEOPLE LIKE YOU, PEOPLE WHO DOWNVOTE NEWCOMER CONTENT TO HELL AND WANT IT REMOVED! Listen, I can put up with the antics of [u/LORD\_CALIDOR](https://www.reddit.com/u/LORD_CALIDOR/) on the [r/althomestuck](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/) subreddit, he may be a bit mean at times, but I know he is a good person inside! He made this comic for me: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/exctjq/saturday\_sbahj/](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/exctjq/saturday_sbahj/) And even though it depicts Obama killing me, he did not want to make it, done it for my amusement, as he said: "> [u/arachnidsGrimreaper](https://www.reddit.com/u/arachnidsGrimreaper/) HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS MORE THAN I SUFFERED MAKING IT" he made this for me because I took a meme he made without asking because I forgot to ask, He wanted me to take it down, I apologized and took it down. I know that even though [u/LORD\_CALIDOR](https://www.reddit.com/u/LORD_CALIDOR/) may come of as a bit mean, he is still nice, he **remembers the human**. There was someone else who remembered the human, [u/Sylfr](https://www.reddit.com/u/Sylfr/), who even though I was scared and kind of embarrassed to admit something, I admitted it anyway, they game me a gold medal, because they knew I was embarrassed, they knew I was afraid, but they knew I needed someone to tell that to! [u/Sylfr](https://www.reddit.com/u/Sylfr/) **REMEMBERED THE HUMAN**! [u/TheOkBob](https://www.reddit.com/u/TheOkBob/) remembered the human as well, it all started with one post, John Egbert on a vaporwave beach, and the title said "John seems happy", and so [u/TheOkBob](https://www.reddit.com/u/TheOkBob/) commented on the post, saying "As he should be.", and then it started, a roleplay, I told him that I sent John there after Asriel done something to him, and made a traumatic backstory! This bloomed into the best shitpost story ever, you can look at it here: Part 0: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/exgehc/welp\_john\_seems\_happy/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/exgehc/welp_john_seems_happy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) (Read the comments!!) Part 1: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eydsha/after\_the\_long\_cold\_war\_i\_finally\_did\_it\_i/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eydsha/after_the_long_cold_war_i_finally_did_it_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) Part 2: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eye9uv/make\_him\_pay/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eye9uv/make_him_pay/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) Part 2.5: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyejeb/john\_is\_safe\_for\_now\_i\_saved\_him/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyejeb/john_is_safe_for_now_i_saved_him/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) Part 3: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyemrq/did\_we\_win/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyemrq/did_we_win/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) Part 3.5: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyf6as/helpjpg/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyf6as/helpjpg/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) Part 4: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyffzh/ralsei\_and\_i\_will\_save\_yoooouuuu/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyffzh/ralsei_and_i_will_save_yoooouuuu/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) Part 5: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyfxci/g\_u\_n/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyfxci/g_u_n/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) Part 6: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eygjnk/to\_be\_continued/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eygjnk/to_be_continued/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) Part 7: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyyasu/hewwo/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyyasu/hewwo/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) Part 8: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyyytb/are\_ya\_ready\_kids/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyyytb/are_ya_ready_kids/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) Part 8.5: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyz7ak/equip\_dersite\_love/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyz7ak/equip_dersite_love/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) Part 9: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyz7cl/the\_death\_of\_a\_god/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/eyz7cl/the_death_of_a_god/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) Part 10: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/ezi7g7/how\_do\_i\_live\_starts\_playing/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/ezi7g7/how_do_i_live_starts_playing/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) Part 11: [https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/f02oe5/does\_kris\_know\_how\_to\_use\_a\_knife/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/althomestuck/comments/f02oe5/does_kris_know_how_to_use_a_knife/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) [u/TheOkBob](https://www.reddit.com/u/TheOkBob/) was nice, and fun to roleplay with! [u/TheOkBob](https://www.reddit.com/u/TheOkBob/) ***REMEMBERED THE HUMAN!*** But you [u/vapidvapidvapidvapid](https://www.reddit.com/u/vapidvapidvapidvapid/), failed to do that. [r/Vaporwave](https://www.reddit.com/r/Vaporwave/) does not revolve around you, nor I. [r/Vaporwave](https://www.reddit.com/r/Vaporwave/) is a community, this does not show that you care for your fellow man when you get the moderators to remove something just because you think it's bad. Everyone else loved it! So why did you take it down? Did you think you where saving this community? As I said, this subreddit needs no saving. You are not a hero [u/vapidvapidvapidvapid](https://www.reddit.com/u/vapidvapidvapidvapid/), you are just a jerk! If we let people like this get away with this kind of actions, [I think I know how this would go. Let's take a look back a year or so ago, shall we?](https://www.reddit.com/r/Vaporwave/comments/9g3vkm/why_is_this_subreddit_so_bad/) It was a bad time, and no, the song I uploaded "**Ｓｏｍｅｔｈｉｎｇ ｅｖｉｌ ｓｔｉｒｓ**" is not a shitty music video, IT IS NOT EVEN A VIDEO! IT IS JUST A STILL IMAGE, SO DON'T EVEN TRY! IT FALLS UNDER ORIGINAL CONTENT AND NEW IDEAS, NOT SHITTY MUSIC VIDEOS! The only reason I used MP4 was because I do not have soundcloud or bandcamp to link, so that is why I used the MP4 format! And do not worry, I will continue to upload what I please. And maybe I will even go and reupload the song you had taken down "**Ｓｏｍｅｔｈｉｎｇ ｅｖｉｌ ｓｔｉｒｓ"!** So I think [u/vapidvapidvapidvapid](https://www.reddit.com/u/vapidvapidvapidvapid/) should stop and just let people do what they want to do! And please, **REMEMBER THE HUMAN! WE ARE ALL IN THIS COMMUNITY TOGETHER!**
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
eofh45
|
What to do when caught in the cycle of drug addition, yet again, but not for the “normal” “typical” reasons one usually uses
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 3 |
SO I’ve been a user of meth consistently, for about 10 months now then on and off 1 1/2 years before that. I snort up to 2-3 little lines a day. I also take kratom everyday and have been for about a year in a half now.
I don’t use one or the other to numb myself or my emotions.
I don’t do it to get through life bc I feel it’s difficult.
I actually have a pretty good life. I have a really good job, as I am a work horse that dedicates everything within myself to contributing to making my business better in healthy, responsible ways. I’m like that off drugs too so it’s not that. The drugs do not interfere w my job in any negative way, in fact I work around a lot of people that I can tell are on drugs and it affects them in negative ways like someone always having to compensate because of it or their dependability becomes almost non existent. I am reliable, dependable, and work within the parameters of getting the job done correctly and efficiently. I have an incredible person I share my life with. We’ve been living together for almost a year now and we live in a beautiful beach town in a condo on the beach. Might I add that we work together as well. Him and I are basically a consult team for restaurants in need of help and we work very well together. He doesn’t know I do this stuff. Infact, nobody knows I do it except the person I get it from. I am a VERY VERY private drug addict and I truly only use this stuff to create maybe a little “get up and go” for me when it’s time to clean the condo as I’ve always associated drugs with cleaning it’s one of my FAVORITEST things to do and I also use it to curb my appetite bc if I eat throughout the day, I will become lethargic and lazy and I got shit to do. Plus when I eat more than I do now I gain 20-25lbs and I’m really not meant to be at that kind of weight so, when my appetite is curbed it truly keeps me at a healthy weight, not feeling uncomfortable with that tire around my body.
I don’t look anorexic I don’t “tweak” out and pick at my skin or have any other “tweak” habits. I eat at night pretty healthy eats and I legitimately also sleep every single night.
This stuff makes me so normal that NO ONE suspects ANYTHING not even my boyfriend who is around me most of everyday. It’s not something I’m proud of in any sense so please don’t think that, I just use it in such an “innocent” manner that I don’t feel guilty that I have this secret. I have severe ADHD (yes, as an adult) and this stuff mellows me out and helps me concentrate as well and I’m actually very high strung off of it.
I take care of myself, I bathe, I brush my teeth multiple times a day. I even, every two days or so, clean my nostrils w q tips and hydrogen peroxide. I am so “ on pointly normal” w this stuff it’s scary. 3 years ago, I spent the previous decade in a downward spiral of depression and drug addiction as I was addicted to opiates then eventually shooting up heroin. I was so lost and miserable that I relied on drugs to cope and deal with life until I slowly but surely lost every single thing I had. I ended up waking up right before it was too late, and got help and sober. I had loved life sober and only started dabbling eventually w meth to help w my ADHD, curbing my appetite, and making things like cleaning the house fun. That self destructive life I lived before is not appealing in any way that would have me go down that road again of using other drugs. I am comfortable w myself. I’m happy w myself. I love and accept myself and have a beautiful perspective on life that I truly don’t feel i could go down that path again despite using the small amounts of ice that I currently am now.
So, my question to you is, how do I get off it when i use it in like, the most innocent “healthiest” type of way? I want off this stuff!! I do 2-3 little lines day and I also take kratom. I barely take enough of this stuff to have withdrawals But I do and it’s NOT the just “eating and sleeping for a couple days” type withdrawals, I sleep on this stuff legitimately every night and when I don’t use it will actually mess with me sleeping BUT it’s also like there is other stuff in meth now bc every time I try to stop I have like very light, yet uncomfortable “opiate” type like withdrawals and I CANNOT tolerate feeling shitty in any sense I have such a busy life, I have to keep moving..And please, people, keep in mind that I have no reason to lie or fabricate anything I’ve said here nor am I in denial. I’m looking for honest, real results in asking y’all how I kick this, that I’ve given you guys the absolute truth.
I have big important things coming up that I cannot afford to possibly have any illegal substance within my body.
I HAVE TO AND NEED TO DO THIS ON MY OWN I KNOW FOR A FACT I CAN
just askin y’all if you have any tips bc this is not a typical “addiction” situation but, I acknowledge that it is an addiction nonetheless
* I’m not trying to come off arrogant or hypocritical so please don’t think that, I tried wording things the best way considering I only had a short time to write this*
|
_JoSeyTRUTH_
| 1 | 0 | 11 |
2020-01-14 03:23:18
|
addiction
|
<es>SO I’ve been a user of meth consistently, for about 10 months now then on and off 1 1/2 years before that.<ee> <es>I snort up to 2-3 little lines a day.<ee> <es>I also take kratom everyday and have been for about a year in a half now. <ee> <es>I don’t use one or the other to numb myself or my emotions. <ee> <es>I don’t do it to get through life bc I feel it’s difficult.<ee> <es>I actually have a pretty good life.<ee> <es>I have a really good job, as I am a work horse that dedicates everything within myself to contributing to making my business better in healthy, responsible ways.<ee> <es>I’m like that off drugs too so it’s not that.<ee> <es>The drugs do not interfere w my job in any negative way, in fact I work around a lot of people that I can tell are on drugs and it affects them in negative ways like someone always having to compensate because of it or their dependability becomes almost non existent.<ee> I am reliable, dependable, and work within the parameters of getting the job done correctly and efficiently. <es>I have an incredible person I share my life with.<ee> <es>We’ve been living together for almost a year now and we live in a beautiful beach town in a condo on the beach.<ee> <es>Might I add that we work together as well.<ee> <es>Him and I are basically a consult team for restaurants in need of help and we work very well together.<ee> <es>He doesn’t know I do this stuff.<ee> <es>Infact, nobody knows I do it except the person I get it from.<ee> <es>I am a VERY VERY private drug addict and I truly only use this stuff to create maybe a little “get up and go” for me when it’s time to clean the condo as I’ve always associated drugs with cleaning it’s one of my FAVORITEST things to do and I also use it to curb my appetite bc if I eat throughout the day, I will become lethargic and lazy and I got shit to do.<ee> <es>Plus when I eat more than I do now I gain 20-25lbs and I’m really not meant to be at that kind of weight so, when my appetite is curbed it truly keeps me at a healthy weight, not feeling uncomfortable with that tire around my body. <ee> <es>I don’t look anorexic I don’t “tweak” out and pick at my skin or have any other “tweak” habits.<ee> <es>I eat at night pretty healthy eats and I legitimately also sleep every single night.<ee> <es>This stuff makes me so normal that NO ONE suspects ANYTHING not even my boyfriend who is around me most of everyday.<ee> It’s not something I’m proud of in any sense so please don’t think that, I just use it in such an “innocent” manner that I don’t feel guilty that I have this secret. <es>I have severe ADHD (yes, as an adult) and this stuff mellows me out and helps me concentrate as well and I’m actually very high strung off of it. <ee> <es>I take care of myself, I bathe, I brush my teeth multiple times a day. <es>I even, every two days or so, clean my nostrils w q tips and hydrogen peroxide.<ee> <es>I am so “ on pointly normal” w this stuff it’s scary.<ee> <es>3 years ago, I spent the previous decade in a downward spiral of depression and drug addiction as I was addicted to opiates then eventually shooting up heroin.<ee> <es>I was so lost and miserable that I relied on drugs to cope and deal with life until I slowly but surely lost every single thing I had.<ee> <es>I ended up waking up right before it was too late, and got help and sober.<ee> <es>I had loved life sober and only started dabbling eventually w meth to help w my ADHD, curbing my appetite, and making things like cleaning the house fun.<ee> <es>That self destructive life I lived before is not appealing in any way that would have me go down that road again of using other drugs.<ee> I am comfortable w myself. I’m happy w myself. I love and accept myself and have a beautiful perspective on life that I truly don’t feel i could go down that path again despite using the small amounts of ice that I currently am now. <rs>So, my question to you is, how do I get off it when i use it in like, the most innocent “healthiest” type of way?<re> <rs>I want off this stuff!!<re> <es>I do 2-3 little lines day and I also take kratom.<ee> <efs>I barely take enough of this stuff to have withdrawals But I do and it’s NOT the just “eating and sleeping for a couple days” type withdrawals, I sleep on this stuff legitimately every night and when I don’t use it will actually mess with me sleeping BUT it’s also like there is other stuff in meth now bc every time I try to stop I have like very light, yet uncomfortable “opiate” type like withdrawals and I CANNOT tolerate feeling shitty in any sense I have such a busy life, I have to keep moving..<efe>And please, people, keep in mind that I have no reason to lie or fabricate anything I’ve said here nor am I in denial. <rs>I’m looking for honest, real results in asking y’all how I kick this, that I’ve given you guys the absolute truth.<re> <rs>I have big important things coming up that I cannot afford to possibly have any illegal substance within my body. <re> I HAVE TO AND NEED TO DO THIS ON MY OWN I KNOW FOR A FACT I CAN just askin y’all if you have any tips bc this is not a typical “addiction” situation but, I acknowledge that it is an addiction nonetheless * I’m not trying to come off arrogant or hypocritical so please don’t think that, I tried wording things the best way considering I only had a short time to write this*
| 2 | 2 | 2 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
ek4ktx
|
A conversation of our opinion on addiction between my coworker and I~
|
0
|
rant
| 3 |
This is gonna sound a bit odd because I just copied and pasted it from my blog. Ignore it if you can. Smite me in your comment(s) if you want.
Today, I had a bouncy conversation with a coworker I’ll call J. I use the adjective bouncy because we seemed to have spoken about 4 different topics in under 15 minutes. I like those types of conversations because it shows how much you can stretch into a single talk. For instance, the title of this post was one of the many topics we discussed while we vegged out at the front desk. I can’t be 100% on what steered the talk of drug and alcohol addiction. Regardless, he asked my opinion of it and I have to admit that I prefer asking other people about their thoughts rather than think it through, myself. I have a generic idea of what I think of addiction: it’s bad.
So, I asked J what he thought of the subject and these were his words (paraphrased because we all know I don’t remember much), “Ultimately, they bring it upon themselves.” J and I spoke of some personal examples (he used to be a cop so he saw some shit) and he explained that he didn’t feel for people who spiraled into addicted because they should, at some point, find their limits.
For the most part, I agree with him. Of course, there are days when someone may want to drink or even go as far as getting shit-faced, but you have to remind yourself of your responsibilities. The thing is, no one has the same situation and I really don’t enjoy generalizing the universe.
The other side to this is people who either don’t become addicts or people who choose to seek help understand that drugs and alcohol outside of moderation are not good for you. Therefore, they should not make the mistake/keep making the mistake. That’s what confuses me. If there are people out there who understand then what’s to say about the others who don’t? Or maybe they do understand but choose not to change; therefore they are bringing it upon themselves, as J said.
When I told him about wanting to turn our conversation into a blog post, he assumed you readers would scramble to your keyboards to disagree with him, but I can’t say I can agree with him. First of all, I don’t get comments. Second, I don’t know if there are too many people who disagree on his standpoint.
I know some people may say, “Oh but addiction is derived from trauma and some people simply can’t stop using and don’t have the money for help.” However, that brings us back to the initial question of, “If people understand addiction is bad, why would they fall into it to begin with?” There’s plenty to dissect with this topic and I’m interested in hearing any other standpoints to this. Like I said before, I don’t like generalizing everyone’s situation so I can’t completely agree with J. However, you have to admit he does make a good point.
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tiffybiffy
| 1 | 0 | 5 |
2020-01-04 23:41:49
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addiction
|
This is gonna sound a bit odd because I just copied and pasted it from my blog. Ignore it if you can. Smite me in your comment(s) if you want. Today, I had a bouncy conversation with a coworker I’ll call J. I use the adjective bouncy because we seemed to have spoken about 4 different topics in under 15 minutes. I like those types of conversations because it shows how much you can stretch into a single talk. For instance, the title of this post was one of the many topics we discussed while we vegged out at the front desk. I can’t be 100% on what steered the talk of drug and alcohol addiction. Regardless, he asked my opinion of it and I have to admit that I prefer asking other people about their thoughts rather than think it through, myself. I have a generic idea of what I think of addiction: it’s bad. So, I asked J what he thought of the subject and these were his words (paraphrased because we all know I don’t remember much), “Ultimately, they bring it upon themselves.” J and I spoke of some personal examples (he used to be a cop so he saw some shit) and he explained that he didn’t feel for people who spiraled into addicted because they should, at some point, find their limits. For the most part, I agree with him. Of course, there are days when someone may want to drink or even go as far as getting shit-faced, but you have to remind yourself of your responsibilities. The thing is, no one has the same situation and I really don’t enjoy generalizing the universe. The other side to this is people who either don’t become addicts or people who choose to seek help understand that drugs and alcohol outside of moderation are not good for you. Therefore, they should not make the mistake/keep making the mistake. That’s what confuses me. If there are people out there who understand then what’s to say about the others who don’t? Or maybe they do understand but choose not to change; therefore they are bringing it upon themselves, as J said. When I told him about wanting to turn our conversation into a blog post, he assumed you readers would scramble to your keyboards to disagree with him, but I can’t say I can agree with him. First of all, I don’t get comments. Second, I don’t know if there are too many people who disagree on his standpoint. I know some people may say, “Oh but addiction is derived from trauma and some people simply can’t stop using and don’t have the money for help.” However, that brings us back to the initial question of, “If people understand addiction is bad, why would they fall into it to begin with?” There’s plenty to dissect with this topic and I’m interested in hearing any other standpoints to this. Like I said before, I don’t like generalizing everyone’s situation so I can’t completely agree with J. However, you have to admit he does make a good point.
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
eici7m
|
I‘m drunk and down to chat with a NYE buddy
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0
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help-seeking
| 1 |
I‘m fucked up and down to chat about anything. It‘s 3AM and I should probably be sleeping but I don‘t wanna sleep yet. For anyone asking I‘m 25, gay male and been hella depressed for over a dEcAdE. I just need some company until I fall asleep because this loneliness is making me suicidal
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_thisnametho
| 1 | 0 | 8 |
2020-01-01 02:08:21
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depression
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<rs>I‘m fucked up and down to chat about anything.<re> It‘s 3AM and I should probably be sleeping but I don‘t wanna sleep yet. <es>For anyone asking I‘m 25, gay male and been hella depressed for over a dEcAdE.<ee> <rs>I just need some company until I fall asleep because this loneliness is making me suicidal<re>
| 2 | 0 | 2 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
How did X make you feel?
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depression
| null | null | null | true | 202 |
eiqrp2
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I feel like I am spiraling
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1b
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rant
| 2 |
I don't know what to do with myself. I am in a constant state of anxiousness, panic, and obsessive thinking. I am struggling to keep up with my work, and now am required to have multiple meetings with my boss on a monthly basis. This enough caused me anxiety. I am on medication and go to therapy, but between my anxiety and medication I experience a lot of brain fog and forgetfulness which has really effected many spheres of my life in a not-so-positive way. I was grocery shopping tonight, and forgot that I had put some honey in the front of the cart. I walked out without paying for it, and was stopped by security. I told them I would pay for it immediately and tried explaining my mistake. He directed me to follow him back in the store, where I thought I was just going to pay for the items and be on my way. I expected him to see that it was an honest mistake. How foolish of me... I ended up getting served trespassing papers, and banned for life at all of their locations. I was shaking and crying as he escorted me out of the store. He wouldn't listen to me. I tried calling after, and they told me to contact customer service even though "you're not likely to have anything change". I live in a small town, living with my boyfriend and 4-year-old daughter. This is the only grocery store for miles. I am devastated. My boyfriend thinks I'm lying to him and deliberately leaving out parts of the story even though, to my knowledge, I have never given him reason to think I would lie about STEALING. I just don't know what to do anymore... I feel so unsettled and disturbed. And there's nothing I can do to escape these feelings and thoughts. I am so tired of being stuck in my own mind - something I used to revel in. I don't want to be me, whoever that is (because I honestly don't even know anymore).
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ashleylibby
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-02 01:00:20
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Anxiety
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<es>I don't know what to do with myself.<ee> <es>I am in a constant state of anxiousness, panic, and obsessive thinking.<ee> <es>I am struggling to keep up with my work, and now am required to have multiple meetings with my boss on a monthly basis.<ee> <es>This enough caused me anxiety.<ee> <efs>I am on medication and go to therapy, but between my anxiety and medication I experience a lot of brain fog and forgetfulness which has really effected many spheres of my life in a not-so-positive way.<efe> <es>I was grocery shopping tonight, and forgot that I had put some honey in the front of the cart.<ee> <es>I walked out without paying for it, and was stopped by security.<ee> <es>I told them I would pay for it immediately and tried explaining my mistake.<ee> <es>He directed me to follow him back in the store, where I thought I was just going to pay for the items and be on my way.<ee> <es>I expected him to see that it was an honest mistake.<ee> <es>How foolish of me... I ended up getting served trespassing papers, and banned for life at all of their locations.<ee> <es>I was shaking and crying as he escorted me out of the store.<ee> <es>He wouldn't listen to me.<ee> <es>I tried calling after, and they told me to contact customer service even though "you're not likely to have anything change".<ee> <es>I live in a small town, living with my boyfriend and 4-year-old daughter.<ee> <es>This is the only grocery store for miles.<ee> <efs>I am devastated.<efe> <es>My boyfriend thinks I'm lying to him and deliberately leaving out parts of the story even though, to my knowledge, I have never given him reason to think I would lie about STEALING.<ee> <efs>I just don't know what to do anymore... I feel so unsettled and disturbed.<efe> <efs>And there's nothing I can do to escape these feelings and thoughts.<efe> <efs>I am so tired of being stuck in my own mind - something I used to revel in.<efe> I don't want to be me, whoever that is (because I honestly don't even know anymore).
| 2 | 2 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
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you feel devasted by the incident
| null | true | 220 |
eiswp1
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Resources for sister to help 8-year-old
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0
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help-seeking
| 2 |
Hi! I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. My brother shares a lot of the same traits and we’ve long suspected that he is undiagnosed. He doesn’t feel like diagnosis would help him at this point in his life.
His wife told me she suspects their 8-year-old daughter also has it. She has memory and learning problems, and the same “dreamy” behaviours we exhibited. It’s starting to affect her mood and her performance, which then affects her self esteem.
My sister asked for some suggestions of lifestyle and routine changes that might help her; the assumption being that any child benefits from structure, even if she doesn’t have ADHD. They’re going to monitor her and seek diagnosis if they need, but they don’t think medication would be right for her at the moment so want to look at those lifestyle things.
They also have a toddler if that impacts things.
Tl;dr suggestions and resources to help lifestyle changes and build new routines for 8 year old girl attending school.
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Kateliterally
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-02 03:54:38
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ADHD
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<es>Hi! I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult.<ee> <es>My brother shares a lot of the same traits and we’ve long suspected that he is undiagnosed.<ee> <es>He doesn’t feel like diagnosis would help him at this point in his life.<ee> <es>His wife told me she suspects their 8-year-old daughter also has it.<ee> <es>She has memory and learning problems, and the same “dreamy” behaviours we exhibited.<ee> <es>It’s starting to affect her mood and her performance, which then affects her self esteem. <ee> <es>My sister asked for some suggestions of lifestyle and routine changes that might help her; the assumption being that any child benefits from structure, even if she doesn’t have ADHD.<ee> <es>They’re going to monitor her and seek diagnosis if they need, but they don’t think medication would be right for her at the moment so want to look at those lifestyle things. <ee> <es>They also have a toddler if that impacts things. <ee> <rs>Tl;dr suggestions and resources to help lifestyle changes and build new routines for 8 year old girl attending school.<re>
| 2 | 0 | 2 | null | null |
How did X make you feel?
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your 8-year old niece having ADHD
| null | null | null | true | 202 |
eiq693
|
I think the government has hacked into my keyboard to make me feel like i'm going crazy
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1a
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rant
| 1 |
It keeps happening that I write the same word twice and i will correct it but then when i post the word is still there this isn't normal at all
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Merry-goes-forever
| 1 | 0 | 3 |
2020-01-02 00:13:01
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Anxiety
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It keeps happening that I write the same word twice and i will correct it but then when i post the word is still there this isn't normal at all
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
eo3t28
|
Twenty-Four Hours a Day, 1.13
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0
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chitchat
| 2 |
Thought
When we were drinking, we were living an unnatural life physically and mentally. We were punishing our bodies by loading them with alcohol. We didn't eat enough and we ate the wrong things. We didn't get enough sleep or the right kind of rest. We were ruining ourselves physically. We had an alcoholic obsession and we couldn't imagine life without alcohol. We kept imagining all kinds of crazy things about ourselves and about other people. We were ruining ourselves mentally. Since I came into A.A., am I getting better physically and mentally?
Meditation
I believe that my life is being refined like gold in a crucible. Gold does not stay in the crucible, only until it is refined. I will never despair or be despondent. I now have friends who long for me to conquer. If I should err or fail, it would cause pain and disappointment to them. I will keep trying to live a better life.
Prayer
I pray that I may always call on God's strength, while the gold of my life is being refined. I pray that I may see it through, with God's help.
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Whtsox
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
2020-01-13 13:00:34
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alcoholicsanonymous
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Thought When we were drinking, we were living an unnatural life physically and mentally. We were punishing our bodies by loading them with alcohol. We didn't eat enough and we ate the wrong things. We didn't get enough sleep or the right kind of rest. We were ruining ourselves physically. We had an alcoholic obsession and we couldn't imagine life without alcohol. We kept imagining all kinds of crazy things about ourselves and about other people. We were ruining ourselves mentally. Since I came into A.A., am I getting better physically and mentally? Meditation I believe that my life is being refined like gold in a crucible. Gold does not stay in the crucible, only until it is refined. I will never despair or be despondent. I now have friends who long for me to conquer. If I should err or fail, it would cause pain and disappointment to them. I will keep trying to live a better life. Prayer I pray that I may always call on God's strength, while the gold of my life is being refined. I pray that I may see it through, with God's help.
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 0 |
ei9l8w
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Am I being manipulated
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1b
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rant
| 1 |
Is it wrong for someone to never give you a time that they are coming home. And when you text for a head sup, they will purposefully not answer til right before the time they decide to come home. So you are always left wondering when will they come.. and your day goes into a stand still cause you cant start anything or relax cause you're waiting? And then you get blamed for being needy, or a bitch or say it's their "job." I'm so sick of this. One more day til I'm gone.
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suriservshumnty
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2019-12-31 22:06:23
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ptsd
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Is it wrong for someone to never give you a time that they are coming home. And when you text for a head sup, they will purposefully not answer til right before the time they decide to come home. So you are always left wondering when will they come.. and your day goes into a stand still cause you cant start anything or relax cause you're waiting? And then you get blamed for being needy, or a bitch or say it's their "job." I'm so sick of this. One more day til I'm gone.
| 2 | 1 | 0 | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
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how you feel about them not giving you time
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What do you need help with now that X?
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you are sick of always waiting
| null | true | 210 |
eiac4p
|
Here for anyone that needs the support
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0
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chitchat
| 1 |
Feel free to comment or message me privately. Don’t let depression get the worst of you guys
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psychedsquid
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2019-12-31 23:06:43
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depression
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Feel free to comment or message me privately. Don’t let depression get the worst of you guys
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 0 |
eip7gh
|
I’ve never felt this low before
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1b
|
rant
| 1 |
I met a girl at a concert and we’ve been messaging each other every day since. I’ve never had a girl show me this kind of attention and she genuinely made each day more bearable. I went out with her the other week and she seemed really keen, I met her again today and I asked her if she wanted to be in a relationship with me and she said that “I’m too nice and she wouldn’t want to hurt me”. I just feel empty and confused. She knows that I’m sad about it and she keeps telling me she feels horrible but the more she says it I feel bad for her. I don’t even know anymore, my mates said I shouldn’t give up on her but I feel like there’s no point.
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hollowwaste
| 1 | 0 | 3 |
2020-01-01 22:57:46
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sad
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<es>I met a girl at a concert and we’ve been messaging each other every day since.<ee> <es>I’ve never had a girl show me this kind of attention and she genuinely made each day more bearable.<ee> <es>I went out with her the other week and she seemed really keen, I met her again today and I asked her if she wanted to be in a relationship with me and she said that “I’m too nice and she wouldn’t want to hurt me”.<ee> <efs>I just feel empty and confused.<efe> <efs>She knows that I’m sad about it and she keeps telling me she feels horrible but the more she says it I feel bad for her.<efe> <efs>I don’t even know anymore, my mates said I shouldn’t give up on her but I feel like there’s no point.<efe>
| 2 | 2 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you feel hurt by her action
| null | true | 220 |
eiaw86
|
SO's nervous tic makes my anxiety flair up
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1b
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help-seeking
| 1 |
Hello, I'm new to the sub and looking for some advice. My SO and I have been dating for \~12 years now. I was diagnosed with anxiety/depression about 5 years ago and I've been on medication ever since. I also did a couple months of therapy in the summer of 2018. My SO went on medication for depression a few months ago. Sometimes my anxiety manifests as sensory overload ("fussy" clothing, my hair on my face is too much, noises I can usually tune out seem excessively loud such as coworkers/neighbors, etc.)
Here's the problem: some of my SO's nervous "tics" for lack of a better word are auditory, such as "clicking" of finger/toe nails, comical singing overtop of songs I'm listening to, and worst of all drumming/tapping. Drumming on the table, on the steering wheel, on his lap, on me, etc. Sometimes I can even hear it from a different room in the house. I don't want to be a monster that berates him for having nervous energy but I feel that it is becoming increasingly more draining. I feel like I am sometimes unable to calm down and relax when this is going on.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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UpcycleOrThrowAway
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2019-12-31 23:51:32
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Anxiety
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<rs>Hello, I'm new to the sub and looking for some advice.<re> <es>My SO and I have been dating for \~12 years now.<ee> <es>I was diagnosed with anxiety/depression about 5 years ago and I've been on medication ever since.<ee> <es>I also did a couple months of therapy in the summer of 2018.<ee> <es>My SO went on medication for depression a few months ago.<ee> <efs>Sometimes my anxiety manifests as sensory overload ("fussy" clothing, my hair on my face is too much, noises I can usually tune out seem excessively loud such as coworkers/neighbors, etc.) <efe> <es>Here's the problem: some of my SO's nervous "tics" for lack of a better word are auditory, such as "clicking" of finger/toe nails, comical singing overtop of songs I'm listening to, and worst of all drumming/tapping.<ee> <es>Drumming on the table, on the steering wheel, on his lap, on me, etc.<ee> <es>Sometimes I can even hear it from a different room in the house.<ee> <efs>I don't want to be a monster that berates him for having nervous energy but I feel that it is becoming increasingly more draining.<efe> <efs>I feel like I am sometimes unable to calm down and relax when this is going on. <efe> <rs>Any advice would be greatly appreciated.<re>
| 2 | 2 | 1 | null | null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
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what would help your partner control their nervousness
| null | true | 221 |
f023kt
|
Lonely and sad but I'm branching out
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1a
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rant
| 2 |
Hii
Umm so I've never expressed myself in terms of my mental health so if this ends up as just a jumbled mess of thoughts, I apologise. TLDR at the bottom. Also I don't really know if this is the right sub for this kind of stuff.
Anyway I'm writing this because I'm currently sitting on my bathroom floor crying about how lonely/isolated I feel. I feel like I used to have a bunch of friends back in grade school. That is until social media really took off. I don't know why but I've never been the type of person who posts and interacts and discusses on social media. I've almost always been the (for the lack of a better term) "lurker." With the exception being the few things I'd post on my Snapchat and insta here and there.
I was this way all throughout highschool and into my first two years of college. I'm currently in the second half of my third year and I'm kind of terrified. I haven't really out myself out there and made friends. For some reason I've always had the mindset of "why would I go do ___ when I could just relax at home."
I didn't realize the toxicity of this thought process until recently. And because of it, I've lost contact with almost all of my friends, I barely talk with my family, and the only social interaction I get is from people at school and the few active group chats I'm still in (that I don't even interact with). It doesn't help the fact that I went from dorming away at a private school to commuting to and from a community college daily. I used to constantly be surrounded by like minded people my age, having fun, and joking around. Now all I see is my room, my family, and a group I only hang out with on Fridays.
Personally, I think that I have some sort of depression/anxiety tied to social media. Everytime I see people's snap stories or ig posts about them having fun with friends and being active I can't help but fall into a depressive state. I end up either on reddit all night or just binge watching shows or YouTube videos or playing video games to distract me from my problems.
I'm only 20 and I feel like I've already ruined any chance I had with my friends because I don't reach out to them or talk to them or anything and it hurts.
Lately, I've been talking strides to be more social and talk to people and hang out. But when I don't know how to keep new friends I end up back in this closed off, depressive lifestyle that eats at my soul.
I have much more to ramble on about but this is already long enough. If you read this and somehow understood it, thank you. It means more than you know.
TLDR; I'm a 20 year old kid who feels like everything is going down the drain because of how sad I get when I'm not surrounded by my peers. And because of that, I have indirectly cut people out that I wanted to keep in my life.
Thanks for reading. If you have any advice it'd be greatly appreciated.
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Nappy_Bobby
| 1 | 0 | 4 |
2020-02-07 00:27:29
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getting_over_it
|
Hii Umm so I've never expressed myself in terms of my mental health so if this ends up as just a jumbled mess of thoughts, I apologise. TLDR at the bottom. Also I don't really know if this is the right sub for this kind of stuff. <efs>Anyway I'm writing this because I'm currently sitting on my bathroom floor crying about how lonely/isolated I feel.<efe> <efs>I feel like I used to have a bunch of friends back in grade school.<efe> <es>That is until social media really took off.<ee> <es>I don't know why but I've never been the type of person who posts and interacts and discusses on social media.<ee> <es>I've almost always been the (for the lack of a better term) "lurker."<ee> <es>With the exception being the few things I'd post on my Snapchat and insta here and there. <ee> <es>I was this way all throughout highschool and into my first two years of college.<ee> <efs>I'm currently in the second half of my third year and I'm kind of terrified.<efe> <es>I haven't really out myself out there and made friends.<ee> <es>For some reason I've always had the mindset of "why would I go do ___ when I could just relax at home." <ee> <es>I didn't realize the toxicity of this thought process until recently.<ee> <efs>And because of it, I've lost contact with almost all of my friends, I barely talk with my family, and the only social interaction I get is from people at school and the few active group chats I'm still in (that I don't even interact with).<efe> <es>It doesn't help the fact that I went from dorming away at a private school to commuting to and from a community college daily.<ee> <es>I used to constantly be surrounded by like minded people my age, having fun, and joking around.<ee> <es>Now all I see is my room, my family, and a group I only hang out with on Fridays. <ee> <es>Personally, I think that I have some sort of depression/anxiety tied to social media.<ee> <es>Everytime I see people's snap stories or ig posts about them having fun with friends and being active I can't help but fall into a depressive state.<ee> <es>I end up either on reddit all night or just binge watching shows or YouTube videos or playing video games to distract me from my problems.<ee> <efs>I'm only 20 and I feel like I've already ruined any chance I had with my friends because I don't reach out to them or talk to them or anything and it hurts. <efe> <es>Lately, I've been talking strides to be more social and talk to people and hang out.<ee> <es>But when I don't know how to keep new friends I end up back in this closed off, depressive lifestyle that eats at my soul. <ee> I have much more to ramble on about but this is already long enough. If you read this and somehow understood it, thank you. It means more than you know. <efs>TLDR; I'm a 20 year old kid who feels like everything is going down the drain because of how sad I get when I'm not surrounded by my peers.<efe> <efs>And because of that, I have indirectly cut people out that I wanted to keep in my life.<efe> Thanks for reading. If you have any advice it'd be greatly appreciated.
| 2 | 2 | 0 | null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you feel isolated from everyone
| null | true | 220 |
eiccyo
|
I want to help my very depressed friend but idk what to say.
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0
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
What are the things I can ask or say to a friend who feels like his life is so fucked up that it won’t ever get better, someone who have hit rock bottom. I wanna help him so bad but i’m scared that i might ask or say the wrong thing and make them feel worse.
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jogsss_
| 1 | 0 | 8 |
2020-01-01 01:54:53
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depression
|
<rs><es>What are the things I can ask or say to a friend who feels like his life is so fucked up that it won’t ever get better, someone who have hit rock bottom.<ee><re> <efs><rs>I wanna help him so bad but i’m scared that i might ask or say the wrong thing and make them feel worse.<re><efe>
| 2 | 2 | 2 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
eot3ue
|
I'm diagnosed with a lot of stuff! ASK ME ANY QUESTIONS!
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0
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help-seeking
| 1 |
Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Persistent depressive disorder, major depressive disorder, bipolar, osfed, anorexia, insomnia, borderline, ocd, ocpd, and substance use disorder.
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strugglingbitch
| 1 | 0 | 9 |
2020-01-14 22:55:45
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mentalillness
|
I'm diagnosed with a lot of stuff! ASK ME ANY QUESTIONS! Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Persistent depressive disorder, major depressive disorder, bipolar, osfed, anorexia, insomnia, borderline, ocd, ocpd, and substance use disorder.
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random.title
| true | 0 |
eiitd0
|
6 simple ways to stop overthinking
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0
|
chitchat
| 3 | null |
Beinspired7
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-01 14:23:45
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socialanxiety
| null | 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
eri0y4
|
Should I break up with my boyfriend?
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 2 |
Starting note: My boyfriend didn't rape me. It was someone else. My boyfriend knows what happened.
TL;DR at bottom
My boyfriend reminds me of the guy that molested me over a period of time.
It just feels so, so familiar. Most of the things he about sex are uncanny. He's said things that are word for word what my molestor said to me.
Up to this point, he's outright asked for my consent to do everything. The only thing he's done without my consent is put his hand in my pants. And it's starting to take an actual mental toll on me.
He didn't even try to do anything. He just put his hand there. I would recoil whenever he tried doing it, and he said he wanted to "push the boundaries a little." and I just fucking went with it. Just like I did with my molestor. And that's how I ended up getting fucking raped.
I vomited when I saw a text notification from my boyfriend this morning. I blocked his number. I did this with my rapist.
I am so, deeply afraid that my boyfriend has been manipulating me this entire time.
I opened up to him about being raped two days into the relationship. I started laughing and making jokes about it. He said it wasn't funny. He was understanding and took it seriously unlike so many people in my life. He seemed genuinely concerned for me, told me to go to therapy, and to talk to him whenever I needed to.
TW: Self Harm
My rapist also pretended to care about my problems. My rapist would constantly roll up my sleeve to check my arms for cuts. My boyfriend does the same.
TW Over
My boyfriend's shared his hobbies and thoughts with me. He's told me about things that nobody else knows about him. He has been vulnerable around me. He spends time with me that is non-sexual. It doesn't matter whether he trusts me or not. I don't know if I can trust him.
What if it's all just another tactic? To build up a false sense of trust before he "pushes boundaries a little." I don't want to be naive again. I can't let that shit happen again.
TL;DR: My boyfriend reminds me of my rapist sexually and I'm scared he's going to end up hurting me.
|
Mystalist
| 1 | 0 | 6 |
2020-01-20 19:18:17
|
rapecounseling
|
<rs>Should I break up with my boyfriend?<re> <es>Starting note: My boyfriend didn't rape me.<ee> <es>It was someone else.<ee> <es>My boyfriend knows what happened.<ee> TL;DR at bottom <efs>My boyfriend reminds me of the guy that molested me over a period of time.<efe> <efs>It just feels so, so familiar.<efe> <es>Most of the things he about sex are uncanny.<ee> <es>He's said things that are word for word what my molestor said to me. <ee> <es>Up to this point, he's outright asked for my consent to do everything.<ee> <es>The only thing he's done without my consent is put his hand in my pants.<ee> <es>And it's starting to take an actual mental toll on me. <ee> <es>He didn't even try to do anything.<ee> <es>He just put his hand there.<ee> <es>I would recoil whenever he tried doing it, and he said he wanted to "push the boundaries a little." and I just fucking went with it.<ee> <es>Just like I did with my molestor.<ee> <es>And that's how I ended up getting fucking raped. <ee> <efs>I vomited when I saw a text notification from my boyfriend this morning.<efe> <es>I blocked his number.<ee> <es>I did this with my rapist.<ee> <efs>I am so, deeply afraid that my boyfriend has been manipulating me this entire time. <efe> <es>I opened up to him about being raped two days into the relationship.<ee> <es>I started laughing and making jokes about it.<ee> <es>He said it wasn't funny.<ee> <es>He was understanding and took it seriously unlike so many people in my life.<ee> <es>He seemed genuinely concerned for me, told me to go to therapy, and to talk to him whenever I needed to. <ee> TW: Self Harm <es>My rapist also pretended to care about my problems.<ee> <es>My rapist would constantly roll up my sleeve to check my arms for cuts.<ee> <es>My boyfriend does the same.<ee> TW Over <es>My boyfriend's shared his hobbies and thoughts with me.<ee> <es>He's told me about things that nobody else knows about him.<ee> <es>He has been vulnerable around me.<ee> <es>He spends time with me that is non-sexual.<ee> <es>It doesn't matter whether he trusts me or not.<ee> <es>I don't know if I can trust him. <ee> <rs>What if it's all just another tactic?<re> <rs>To build up a false sense of trust before he "pushes boundaries a little."<re> <rs>I don't want to be naive again.<re> <rs>I can't let that shit happen again.<re> <es>TL;DR: My boyfriend reminds me of my rapist sexually and I'm scared he's going to end up hurting me.<ee>
| 2 | 2 | 2 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
eioz6f
|
DAE get panic attacks from over-exercising?
|
1a
|
survey
| 2 |
A little back story: Every year my huge family gets together for winter break in the middle of nowhere in the Canadian wilderness. Most of my cousins are athletes or super in shape. I go to the gym about once or twice a week, but I’m by no means as fit as they are. I’m also a bit older than most of them (I’m in my mid 20s, majority of my cousins are between 16-20). Every year we do a winter hike, but this year they picked a harder trail. This year I had a really hard time keeping up with the group, but I didn’t want to get separated. I ended up needing help climbing up rocks by myself and was gasping for air at several points. I’m not sure if I panicked because I was out of breath or because I was unable to keep up with the group, but I had a full blown panic attack in the middle of the hike. Thankfully my angel of a husband stayed behind with me while I tried to calm down and we eventually caught up by following the footprints in the snow. Unfortunately though I was shaken up for the rest of the day.
Has anyone experienced anything like this before? Usually when I feel I am over-exerting myself with exercise I will slow down or stop, but this was a situation where I felt I couldn’t. I’m wanting to work on getting fit this year, but now I’m scared of having a panic attack while jogging or something.
|
toasterpoodle
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-01 22:39:55
|
Anxiety
|
<es>A little back story: Every year my huge family gets together for winter break in the middle of nowhere in the Canadian wilderness.<ee> <es>Most of my cousins are athletes or super in shape.<ee> <es>I go to the gym about once or twice a week, but I’m by no means as fit as they are.<ee> <es>I’m also a bit older than most of them (I’m in my mid 20s, majority of my cousins are between 16-20).<ee> <es>Every year we do a winter hike, but this year they picked a harder trail.<ee> <es>This year I had a really hard time keeping up with the group, but I didn’t want to get separated.<ee> <es>I ended up needing help climbing up rocks by myself and was gasping for air at several points.<ee> <es>I’m not sure if I panicked because I was out of breath or because I was unable to keep up with the group, but I had a full blown panic attack in the middle of the hike.<ee> <es>Thankfully my angel of a husband stayed behind with me while I tried to calm down and we eventually caught up by following the footprints in the snow.<ee> <es>Unfortunately though I was shaken up for the rest of the day. <ee> <rs>Has anyone experienced anything like this before?<re> <efs>Usually when I feel I am over-exerting myself with exercise I will slow down or stop, but this was a situation where I felt I couldn’t.<efe> <rs>I’m wanting to work on getting fit this year, but now I’m scared of having a panic attack while jogging or something.<re>
| 2 | 1 | 2 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how the panic attack make you feel
| null | null | null | true | 212 |
eiz175
|
Good Morning Lovely’s Let’s talk SelfCare!!
|
0
|
chitchat
| 1 |
I have a App for you guys that help with making you feel more inspired in your daily lives. Btw way Happy New Year✨💫🌸
http://triabicia.com/2GOW
|
LovelyPeace
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-02 14:42:37
|
mentalillness
|
I have a App for you guys that help with making you feel more inspired in your daily lives. Btw way Happy New Year✨💫🌸 http://triabicia.com/2GOW
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
positive
| true | 0 |
ens2ut
|
Struggling...
|
1a
|
rant
| 2 |
Well don’t know where to begin... Hadn’t touched a proper opiate besides suboxone in over 10yrs until recently I was diagnosed with cancer.
For the past two years my relationship has been nose diving and the stress from it has been piling up, add on a dick head slum lord, other family with cancer, moving across the country, money problems from it all, etc... This relapse has been a long time in the making.
I remember times over the summer where I was hit with almost panic attack like symptoms that would also be accompanied by intense heroin cravings. Like so bad where I’d see words on signs transform to words like “heroin, needle, dope” shit like that..
What’s kept me clean up until now was the fear/dislike of fent that appears in almost all dope these days, but I was finally able to find my way around that little issue.
Been using a strong, rather unknown, full opiate agonist for about two and a half weeks for cancer related pain and suffering, and I can tell my fingers are starting to slip from the edge. Last time I was hooked for years and afraid of falling back into that..
Not really sure what I’m expecting, just needed to vent if anything. Know no matter how stable you feel, life can have different plans for you.
|
throwawayJay710
| 1 | 0 | 11 |
2020-01-12 19:31:35
|
addiction
|
<es>Well don’t know where to begin... Hadn’t touched a proper opiate besides suboxone in over 10yrs until recently I was diagnosed with cancer.<ee> <es>For the past two years my relationship has been nose diving and the stress from it has been piling up, add on a dick head slum lord, other family with cancer, moving across the country, money problems from it all, etc...<ee> <es>This relapse has been a long time in the making.<ee> <es>I remember times over the summer where I was hit with almost panic attack like symptoms that would also be accompanied by intense heroin cravings.<ee> <es>Like so bad where I’d see words on signs transform to words like “heroin, needle, dope” shit like that..<ee> <efs>What’s kept me clean up until now was the fear/dislike of fent that appears in almost all dope these days, but I was finally able to find my way around that little issue.<efe> <es>Been using a strong, rather unknown, full opiate agonist for about two and a half weeks for cancer related pain and suffering, and I can tell my fingers are starting to slip from the edge.<ee> <efs>Last time I was hooked for years and afraid of falling back into that..<efe> Not really sure what I’m expecting, just needed to vent if anything. Know no matter how stable you feel, life can have different plans for you.
| 2 | 2 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are afraid of relapsing again
| null | true | 220 |
eicnc3
|
Dental Care Tips?
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
So, I'm narcoleptic and depressed. These are my two biggest disorders so I have literally no energy to take care of myself most days. My teeth are kinda neglected at the moment but I am fortunate enough to have regular dental cleanings every six months like they recommend, but that's not enough in between appointments. I'm primarily concerned about my gum health and I believe my dentist is as well.
Basically all I'm asking is how can I take extra care to make sure my teeth don't fall out when I'm thirty...? Anything and everything is appreciated.
|
Sleepiest_Bun
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-01 02:21:35
|
depression
|
So, I'm narcoleptic and depressed. These are my two biggest disorders so I have literally no energy to take care of myself most days. My teeth are kinda neglected at the moment but I am fortunate enough to have regular dental cleanings every six months like they recommend, but that's not enough in between appointments. I'm primarily concerned about my gum health and I believe my dentist is as well. Basically all I'm asking is how can I take extra care to make sure my teeth don't fall out when I'm thirty...? Anything and everything is appreciated.
| 2 | 0 | 2 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
How did X make you feel?
|
depression and narcoleptic
| null | null | null | true | 202 |
elhy3l
|
.....😭
|
0
|
rant
| 1 |
Omg hamster Sammi just died today and I know she’s going n a better place but I miss her and with she was still here with me😭
|
homie_taylor12
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
2020-01-07 21:19:43
|
sad
|
Omg hamster Sammi just died today and I know she’s going n a better place but I miss her and with she was still here with me😭
| 2 | 2 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you miss you hamster
| null | true | 220 |
ericfq
|
does this count as rape?
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 2 |
Just a warning that this contains graphic descriptions of sexual assault and assault against and by transgender individuals. please let me know if I should add anything else here.
NOTE: I am a trans man, and my girlfriend is a trans woman. I know that may be confusing for some, but we are both Pre-Op and so which way round pronouns and whatnot are may confuse people, but please respect our pronouns and everything. I. happy to answer any questions (provided they're not hateful).
Right. so. Hi.
About a year ago, my girlfriend and I got high together and went and made food. first, and this isn't the only time this kind of a thing has happened, she pushed me against a wall and hit me (she's both taller and wider than I am). I brushed it off. We then. proceeded to the bedroom. I started panicking (sometimes sex still triggers me because of what happened when I was a kid) and told her to stop, she didn't listen. she flipped me over, pushed me down and kept going, I kept crying and pleading with her to stop but she didn't listen. I don't know if there was intent or anything, but it seemed that she was just so high that she couldn't process what was going on around her (maybe). Now here's the thing; she had totally forgotten about that night until two days ago. After the incident, I assumed she didn't mention it because she felt guilty or thought I couldn't remember it, but over time I realised that she had no idea it had happened. Two nights ago I talked to her about it and she started crying and I ended up comforting her (?). I feel so disgusting, embarrassed, lost, alone, and violated. I have no one to talk to about this because I go to her with stuff and the only other friend I have is her best friend. I feel so isolated and lost and hurt. what do I do? do I break up with her? and if I tell my psychologist, will she have to break confidentiality because she might be concerned that I'm at risk?
Thank you to anyone who read this :/
|
atozyisgod
| 1 | 0 | 10 |
2020-01-20 19:39:05
|
rapecounseling
|
Just a warning that this contains graphic descriptions of sexual assault and assault against and by transgender individuals. please let me know if I should add anything else here. <es>NOTE: I am a trans man, and my girlfriend is a trans woman.<ee> <es>I know that may be confusing for some, but we are both Pre-Op and so which way round pronouns and whatnot are may confuse people, but please respect our pronouns and everything.<ee> I. happy to answer any questions (provided they're not hateful). Right. so. Hi. <es>About a year ago, my girlfriend and I got high together and went and made food.<ee> <es>first, and this isn't the only time this kind of a thing has happened, she pushed me against a wall and hit me (she's both taller and wider than I am).<ee> <es>I brushed it off.<ee> <es>We then.<ee> <es>proceeded to the bedroom.<ee> <es>I started panicking (sometimes sex still triggers me because of what happened when I was a kid) and told her to stop, she didn't listen.<ee> <es>she flipped me over, pushed me down and kept going, I kept crying and pleading with her to stop but she didn't listen. I don't know if there was intent or anything, but it seemed that she was just so high that she couldn't process what was going on around her (maybe).<ee> <es>Now here's the thing; she had totally forgotten about that night until two days ago.<ee> <es>After the incident, I assumed she didn't mention it because she felt guilty or thought I couldn't remember it, but over time I realised that she had no idea it had happened.<ee> <es>Two nights ago I talked to her about it and she started crying and I ended up comforting her (?).<ee> <efs>I feel so disgusting, embarrassed, lost, alone, and violated.<efe> <es>I have no one to talk to about this because I go to her with stuff and the only other friend I have is her best friend.<ee> <efs>I feel so isolated and lost and hurt.<efe> <rs>what do I do?<re> <rs>do I break up with her?<re> <rs>and if I tell my psychologist, will she have to break confidentiality because she might be concerned that I'm at risk?<re> Thank you to anyone who read this :/
| 2 | 2 | 2 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
ektimn
|
Do I voluntarily admit myself to the psych ward?
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 2 |
Hey all.
I'm -
I'm not doing great.
I've been struggling with suicidal ideation and thoughts for the last few months and it's only gotten worse as time goes on. I've had a depression diagnosis for 10 years. Currently on Lamictal/Lamotragine 50 mg (mood stabilizer) and Concerta/Methylphenidate 27 mg (stimulant for ADHD).
I've had more than my share of diagnoses as you can see [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalillness/comments/ed1izq/the_endless_cycle_of_what_is_wrong_with_me/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
I'm seeing a very good therapist twice a month and he's expressed that he feels I need a meds change. This is hard for me to hear because I thought I'd finally 'found the cure' so to speak when I received my ADHD diagnosis just in September 2019.
I had finally got off of Effexor XR/venalfaxine... (October 2019.)
The biggest hurdle for me is that I have been fighting against the reality that my illness is more than depression. I've had psychotic episodes and very clearly demonstrate symptoms of dissociative identity disorder...
I have tried to get help for it in the past but it's not exactly an easy diagnosis... So I skip it when I meet new professionals out of fear I'll just be 'locked up.' I recognize I'm not helping myself when I do that, but I don't want to admit that I even have a severe mental illness...
Currently I am on a wait list to get a psychiatrist (March at earliest.) I can't really afford to wait that long.
Should I just accept the inevitable and self admit into a psych ward via ER/suicidal reasons???
It would mean that I would give up my autonomy in the hopes that maybe someone will be able to help...but I don't want to admit that I have DID... I don't even expect the doctors to understand or believe me...
Has anyone had any success with having a severe mental illness being taken seriously while still being treated like a human?
(From the Texas of Canada - Alberta.)
|
shiver23
| 1 | 0 | 13 |
2020-01-06 12:28:13
|
mentalillness
|
Hey all. I'm - <es>I'm not doing great.<ee> <es>I've been struggling with suicidal ideation and thoughts for the last few months and it's only gotten worse as time goes on.<ee> <es>I've had a depression diagnosis for 10 years.<ee> <es>Currently on Lamictal/Lamotragine 50 mg (mood stabilizer) and Concerta/Methylphenidate 27 mg (stimulant for ADHD).<ee> I've had more than my share of diagnoses as you can see [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalillness/comments/ed1izq/the_endless_cycle_of_what_is_wrong_with_me/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) I'm seeing a very good therapist twice a month and he's expressed that he feels I need a meds change. <es>This is hard for me to hear because I thought I'd finally 'found the cure' so to speak when I received my ADHD diagnosis just in September 2019.<ee> I had finally got off of Effexor XR/venalfaxine... (October 2019.) <es>The biggest hurdle for me is that I have been fighting against the reality that my illness is more than depression.<ee> <es>I've had psychotic episodes and very clearly demonstrate symptoms of dissociative identity disorder...<ee> <efs>I have tried to get help for it in the past but it's not exactly an easy diagnosis... So I skip it when I meet new professionals out of fear I'll just be 'locked up.'<efe> I recognize I'm not helping myself when I do that, but I don't want to admit that I even have a severe mental illness... Currently I am on a wait list to get a psychiatrist (March at earliest.) I can't really afford to wait that long. <rs>Should I just accept the inevitable and self admit into a psych ward via ER/suicidal reasons???<re> <rs>It would mean that I would give up my autonomy in the hopes that maybe someone will be able to help...but I don't want to admit that I have DID... I don't even expect the doctors to understand or believe me...<re> <rs>Has anyone had any success with having a severe mental illness being taken seriously while still being treated like a human?<re> (From the Texas of Canada - Alberta.)
| 2 | 2 | 2 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
eiv3ed
|
I watched something with triggering content and now I’m stuck
|
1a
|
rant
| 1 |
I ignored the self harm warning on a show because I’m 27 and clearly I can handle some anxiety and self harm. I’m not someone who can be “triggered”.
Except.... I don’t know.... it really fucked me up. The few drops of blood and the anxiety attacks they showed really hit me? I was feeling low and now I don’t know, it shouldn’t though?! it’s fiction. Why am I being a baby?
I can’t even cry. I just feel overwhelmed. My skin is flaring up from the stress. I
|
gorillazfever
| 1 | 0 | 3 |
2020-01-02 07:22:24
|
Anxiety
|
<es>I ignored the self harm warning on a show because I’m 27 and clearly I can handle some anxiety and self harm.<ee> <es>I’m not someone who can be “triggered”. <ee> <efs>Except.... I don’t know.... it really fucked me up.<efe> <es>The few drops of blood and the anxiety attacks they showed really hit me?<ee> <efs>I was feeling low and now I don’t know, it shouldn’t though?!<efe> it’s fiction. Why am I being a baby? <efs>I can’t even cry.<efe> <efs>I just feel overwhelmed.<efe> <efs>My skin is flaring up from the stress.<efe> I
| 2 | 2 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are having anxiety attacks due to the show
| null | true | 220 |
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