sub_id
string | title
string | Criticism
string | Intent
string | Readability
int64 | body
string | author
string | score
int64 | awards
int64 | numComms
int64 | created
string | subreddit
string | annotated_post_body
string | ES
int64 | EFS
int64 | RS
int64 | EMaskingQ
string | EMask
string | EFSMaskingQ
string | EFSMask
string | RMaskingQ
string | RMask
string | Comments
string | Annotated
bool | label_combination
int64 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
es8oxe
|
Why does just about everyone other than me on this sub have girlfriends?
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
I'd see the the reason why you're so angry is so you can't F properly, but it turns out this most of you have girlfriends. You're explosion hazards, and your girlfriends put up with it, while I am no longer an explosion hazard now that I stopped taking stevia, and I have no girlfriend. Why?
|
Character-Comb
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-22 07:34:12
|
Anger
|
I'd see the the reason why you're so angry is so you can't F properly, but it turns out this most of you have girlfriends. <es>You're explosion hazards, and your girlfriends put up with it, while I am no longer an explosion hazard now that I stopped taking stevia, and I have no girlfriend.<ee> Why?
| 2 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
How did X make you feel?
|
stevia
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you have no girlfriend even after controlling your anger
| null | true | 200 |
ekqnuc
|
What are you going to do in 2020 to overcome social anxiety?
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 2 |
I'm 26 and I'm determined to fucking get over social anxiety this year, I've realised that I need to build momentum with exposure therapy just like building other habits like exercising, eating well etc.
It's tough at first, I feel like I almost have to dissociate sometimes just to stop overthinking but I'm getting to a point where I don't hesitate to say yes to invitations or approach people. I still overthink in the build up to planned events but it's getting better each time as I realise the worst case scenarios I come up with in my head are never the reality.
For example whenever a friend invites me to something my immediate thoughts are:
* I'll come off as awkward
* I won't know what to say, there will be awkward silences
* They won't like me anymore after this particular interaction
But honestly none of this is gonna kill me, it's not my responsibility to completely maintain a conversation and even if they think I'm awkward they invite me out anyway so they must enjoy my company. And even if they don't and I never see them again, it doesn't define my value as a person or ability to be liked.
I don't know if this will encourage anyone, but a few weeks of discomfort have really made a difference to how I perceive things now and I'm excited to keep it up.
|
fence-sitter_
| 1 | 0 | 19 |
2020-01-06 07:24:51
|
socialanxiety
|
I'm 26 and I'm determined to fucking get over social anxiety this year, I've realised that I need to build momentum with exposure therapy just like building other habits like exercising, eating well etc. It's tough at first, I feel like I almost have to dissociate sometimes just to stop overthinking but I'm getting to a point where I don't hesitate to say yes to invitations or approach people. I still overthink in the build up to planned events but it's getting better each time as I realise the worst case scenarios I come up with in my head are never the reality. For example whenever a friend invites me to something my immediate thoughts are: * I'll come off as awkward * I won't know what to say, there will be awkward silences * They won't like me anymore after this particular interaction But honestly none of this is gonna kill me, it's not my responsibility to completely maintain a conversation and even if they think I'm awkward they invite me out anyway so they must enjoy my company. And even if they don't and I never see them again, it doesn't define my value as a person or ability to be liked. I don't know if this will encourage anyone, but a few weeks of discomfort have really made a difference to how I perceive things now and I'm excited to keep it up.
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
positive
| true | 0 |
f78jsv
|
Throat
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
Its been a few weeks since my SO choked me.... It still hurts to swallow on my right side specifically and also hurts if I breathe really hard / cough etc....can someone please tell me if I'm OK? Its just under my jaw. I'm afraid because its not going away and a normal bruise would've by now.
|
an0nny
| 1 | 0 | 6 |
2020-02-21 09:07:41
|
domesticviolence
|
<es>Its been a few weeks since my SO choked me....<ee> <efs>It still hurts to swallow on my right side specifically and also hurts if I breathe really hard / cough etc....<efe><rs>can someone please tell me if I'm OK?<re> <rs>Its just under my jaw.<re> <efs>I'm afraid because its not going away and a normal bruise would've by now.<efe>
| 1 | 2 | 2 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why did you significant other choke you
| null | null | null | null | null | true | 122 |
ej26mi
|
Lowest Self Confidence, Memory Issues, New Job
|
1a
|
rant
| 3 |
I have been diagnosed with ADHD and put on meds since the age of 8 and I'm 32. I have a college degree but don't work in my field. Most of my jobs have been customer service roles with the occasional inside sales or recruiting role, but over the years, I find I either get fired for poor performance or I absolutely hate the job. I just moved across the country and started a surveying job (something totally different) because I needed a change (lived in the same place forever). What kills me is at this point, I truly feel like I will never have a decent job again because my resume doesn't have a lot of solid longevity and I just switched to Surveying after doing office jobs since I graduated college.
I find I have the same fears while doing this outside work surveying then I do at any 'office' job, fear that I will not succeed and grasp the content to the point where I could ever advance, or even do my job 'correctly' in the moment. I psyche myself out, anxious I'm going to fail. In a surveying setting, being out in the field without people breathing down my neck, I thought that this hopeless fear would be minimized, and it is comparatively, but I still feel it, and it's been close to a year and I feel I am distancing myself more and more from any practical job that may leverage my strengths that I don't get to use surveying.
I've battled serious depression coupled with my ADHD and the anxiety that I create for myself has left me feeling like I have no future, like really convinced that I've given life a solid shot and based on the past, the results are in, and it's not going to change. I wish I could get over this mentality, snap to life, and take control, but it's hard for me to sell myself in an interview when I'm constantly stressed, anxious, and upset that I am going to fail.
My memory is horrible too and really prevents me from staying focused and engaged with the task at hand, even with medication. I'm wondering if anti-anxiety meds would really be worth it (coupled with counseling), but know that this is so much deeper than meds, it's a reality I've fabricated around dwelling on my failures and thinking negatively about my life. I can't imagine how long, if even possible, it would take to change the wiring that 'I am going to be okay and can succeed', because my mind strobes failure constantly.
TLDR: Medicated since age of 8 (now 32), track record of jobs that I either hated or were fired from for poor performance, leave for new job in entirely new field, have same anxieties that haunted me in office roles in new surveying job (fear of failure), absolutely hopeless that I will ever amount to anything and have the confidence to truly believe that I will be ok.
Also, a little scared how uninspired I am to change and it's New Years, really goes to show how deep my negative core beliefs are...
Love you all, peace.
|
mindben7
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
2020-01-02 18:40:37
|
ADHD
|
<es>I have been diagnosed with ADHD and put on meds since the age of 8 and I'm 32.<ee> <es> I have a college degree but don't work in my field.<ee> <efs> Most of my jobs have been customer service roles with the occasional inside sales or recruiting role, but over the years, I find I either get fired for poor performance or I absolutely hate the job.<efe> <es>I just moved across the country and started a surveying job (something totally different) because I needed a change (lived in the same place forever). <ee> <efs>What kills me is at this point, I truly feel like I will never have a decent job again because my resume doesn't have a lot of solid longevity and I just switched to Surveying after doing office jobs since I graduated college. <efe> <efs>I find I have the same fears while doing this outside work surveying then I do at any 'office' job, fear that I will not succeed and grasp the content to the point where I could ever advance, or even do my job 'correctly' in the moment. <efe> <es>I psyche myself out, anxious I'm going to fail. <ee> <es>In a surveying setting, being out in the field without people breathing down my neck, I thought that this hopeless fear would be minimized, and it is comparatively, but I still feel it, and it's been close to a year and I feel I am distancing myself more and more from any practical job that may leverage my strengths that I don't get to use surveying. <ee> <es>I've battled serious depression coupled with my ADHD and the anxiety that I create for myself has left me feeling like I have no future, like really convinced that I've given life a solid shot and based on the past, the results are in, and it's not going to change.<ee> <es> I wish I could get over this mentality, snap to life, and take control, but it's hard for me to sell myself in an interview when I'm constantly stressed, anxious, and upset that I am going to fail. <ee> <es>My memory is horrible too and really prevents me from staying focused and engaged with the task at hand, even with medication.<ee> <es> I'm wondering if anti-anxiety meds would really be worth it (coupled with counseling), but know that this is so much deeper than meds, it's a reality I've fabricated around dwelling on my failures and thinking negatively about my life.<ee> <es> I can't imagine how long, if even possible, it would take to change the wiring that 'I am going to be okay and can succeed', because my mind strobes failure constantly. <ee> <es>TLDR: Medicated since age of 8 (now 32), track record of jobs that I either hated or were fired from for poor performance, leave for new job in entirely new field, have same anxieties that haunted me in office roles in new surveying job (fear of failure), absolutely hopeless that I will ever amount to anything and have the confidence to truly believe that I will be ok. <ee> <efs>Also, a little scared how uninspired I am to change and it's New Years, really goes to show how deep my negative core beliefs are... <efe> Love you all, peace.
| 2 | 2 | 0 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 220 |
f72qct
|
I only get angry when I am alone
|
1a
|
survey
| 1 |
I am a 24 year old male who consider myself a nice person to be around. I am quite agreeable, talkative, and have few troubles with putting other peoples needs in front of my own. The problem is that I feel like I have a lot of anger in me, and it only comes out when I am alone. The anger is almost always self-directed, and is often about some form of shortcoming on my part. I beat myself up by punching myself in the head, and call myself really mean stuff. I feel like this anger could be put to a better use, either in social contexts or in some sort of physical activity, but it tends to be activated at night when I'm in bed. Does anyone of you feel this way? That you have a lot of anger, but just can't express it around people? I would love to hear your thoughts/experiences with this.
|
RavenFlies
| 1 | 0 | 16 |
2020-02-21 00:29:29
|
Anger
|
I am a 24 year old male who consider myself a nice person to be around. I am quite agreeable, talkative, and have few troubles with putting other peoples needs in front of my own. <es>The problem is that I feel like I have a lot of anger in me, and it only comes out when I am alone.<ee> <es>The anger is almost always self-directed, and is often about some form of shortcoming on my part.<ee> <es>I beat myself up by punching myself in the head, and call myself really mean stuff.<ee> <es>I feel like this anger could be put to a better use, either in social contexts or in some sort of physical activity, but it tends to be activated at night when I'm in bed.<ee> <rs>Does anyone of you feel this way?<re> <rs>That you have a lot of anger, but just can't express it around people?<re> <rs>I would love to hear your thoughts/experiences with this.<re>
| 2 | 0 | 2 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
How did X make you feel?
|
all the anger
| null | null | null | true | 202 |
ezn5oz
|
I “legally” renamed my bunny and I was gifted another build a bear.
|
1b
|
rant
| 2 |
My abuser/rapist used a build-a-bear as a manipulation tactic and he forced me to pick one out and make it but took away my chance of naming her. Her given name (dead name now) didn’t match her and honestly I hated it. I eventually renamed her and on Monday I talked about it with my therapist. My therapist told me about how it was a manipulation tactic and was proud of me for reclaiming my power and that I’m allowed to keep my bunny. I was telling my fwb (who honestly is a weird mix of a boyfriend without the commitment/extremely close friend with the benefits. He actually went to his first shirt to report my abuser two or three months after it happened) about it all and he jumped up and took me to build a bear. I brought my bunny and went in and picked out a purple unicorn and named it after a Catholic Christian saint that is for abuse victims and he bought it for me. I was able to get a new birth certificate for my bunny as well with the new name. Now they are both sitting on my bed comfortably. I’m still processing it but I’m feeling okay as of right now.
|
isitmeorathrowaway
| 1 | 0 | 7 |
2020-02-06 04:58:59
|
rapecounseling
|
<es>My abuser/rapist used a build-a-bear as a manipulation tactic and he forced me to pick one out and make it but took away my chance of naming her.<ee> <efs>Her given name (dead name now) didn’t match her and honestly I hated it.<efe> <es>I eventually renamed her and on Monday I talked about it with my therapist.<ee> <es>My therapist told me about how it was a manipulation tactic and was proud of me for reclaiming my power and that I’m allowed to keep my bunny.<ee> <es>I was telling my fwb (who honestly is a weird mix of a boyfriend without the commitment/extremely close friend with the benefits.<ee> <es>He actually went to his first shirt to report my abuser two or three months after it happened) about it all and he jumped up and took me to build a bear.<ee> <es>I brought my bunny and went in and picked out a purple unicorn and named it after a Catholic Christian saint that is for abuse victims and he bought it for me.<ee> <es>I was able to get a new birth certificate for my bunny as well with the new name.<ee> <es>Now they are both sitting on my bed comfortably.<ee> <efs>I’m still processing it but I’m feeling okay as of right now.<efe>
| 2 | 2 | 0 | null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are free from your abuser
| null | true | 220 |
eivlhj
|
Whoops
|
0
|
rant
| 1 |
So I relapsed, but kinda on accident. I got my tool, and accidentally cut my elbow. 0 days clean.
|
rozar6797
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-02 08:21:22
|
selfharm
|
<es>So I relapsed, but kinda on accident.<ee> <es>I got my tool, and accidentally cut my elbow.<ee> <es>0 days clean.<ee>
| 2 | 0 | 0 | null | null |
How did X make you feel?
|
the relapse
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you accidently cut yourself again
| null | true | 200 |
enjf1g
|
[19M] idk what to do anymore
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
Long story short i was constantly raped, beaten, forced into having sex with random women, basically any sexual act you could name probably happened. This was happening about 3-5 days a week between the ages of 6-9. Its all i can think about most days, and results in episodes of sobbing on bad days. Its causing me to harm myself occasionally and i worry that its going to ruin my relationship. Whenever we get into a fight i break down, because i was doing my best to hide it all day and that just busts it open. I've been talking to my therapist about it. But it hasnt been helping. The worst part is i still see the abuser around town some days and he has even reached out via social media and completely degraded me. I dont fucking know what to do anymore, im going crazy, please help
|
throwaway206784
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-12 05:20:54
|
ptsd
|
Long story short i was constantly raped, beaten, forced into having sex with random women, basically any sexual act you could name probably happened. This was happening about 3-5 days a week between the ages of 6-9. Its all i can think about most days, and results in episodes of sobbing on bad days. Its causing me to harm myself occasionally and i worry that its going to ruin my relationship. Whenever we get into a fight i break down, because i was doing my best to hide it all day and that just busts it open. I've been talking to my therapist about it. But it hasnt been helping. The worst part is i still see the abuser around town some days and he has even reached out via social media and completely degraded me. I dont fucking know what to do anymore, im going crazy, please help
| 2 | 2 | 0 | null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
the trauma is making you harm yourself
| null | true | 220 |
ei6vcs
|
Not eaten all day, BANNED from food
|
1b
|
rant
| 2 |
Didn't help out a charity event yesterday with mum so she gave me a list to finish. One item was to make dinner. It get to 6 o'clock and beyond and no one has come home. I planned stake egg and broccoli not something you can reheat very well, or at all, plus stake only takes a few seconds on a high heat. The last time she didn't return home till late she was very drunk. It gets to half 8 I've eaten and am watching a movie. I've had no tx or call to say what's goin on. So I assume she has gone bk to the pub and would have eaten already. Anyway she gets back obviously after a few drinks and asks where the food is. I tell her and she explodes, "no eating anything she has paid for no touching any food till I buy my own" (everyone on this thread has a few little problems and I am no different) 29, no job atm, living with my mother. (Haven't spoken to my dad in 19 years, an abuser) anyway so I tell her I had plans and all I needed was a call to let me know. Everything that goes wrong in this house it's me, even if she does something she wouldn't take the blame. So this morning I didn't eat anything or this afternoon. I'm sitting here now just loosing it in my mind, I'm not eating because I want to make a point, she, at times, can be the issue and she screams if I'm seen taking anything. It's like that whole if I kill myself just to make a point, but my suicidal thoughts are laying off for the time being. All I needed was dam phone call, tx anything so I know what's going on. Not just to get bk and explode because your son didn't hv dinner ready for you to warm up. I take pride in my cooking and she told me I wasn't aloud to make lasagna (we've had a few times recently) you know how fucking long a good lasagna takes!!!!
I just needed to get that out. Now new years eve I'm so hungry and I don't even want to eat.
|
mottlymonical
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2019-12-31 18:38:38
|
depression
|
<es>Didn't help out a charity event yesterday with mum so she gave me a list to finish.<ee> One item was to make dinner. It get to 6 o'clock and beyond and no one has come home. I planned stake egg and broccoli not something you can reheat very well, or at all, plus stake only takes a few seconds on a high heat. The last time she didn't return home till late she was very drunk. It gets to half 8 I've eaten and am watching a movie. <es>I've had no tx or call to say what's goin on.<ee> So I assume she has gone bk to the pub and would have eaten already. Anyway she gets back obviously after a few drinks and asks where the food is. <es>I tell her and she explodes, "no eating anything she has paid for no touching any food till I buy my own" (everyone on this thread has a few little problems and I am no different) 29, no job atm, living with my mother.<ee> <es>(Haven't spoken to my dad in 19 years, an abuser) anyway so I tell her I had plans and all I needed was a call to let me know.<ee> <es>Everything that goes wrong in this house it's me, even if she does something she wouldn't take the blame.<ee> <efs>So this morning I didn't eat anything or this afternoon. I'm sitting here now just loosing it in my mind, I'm not eating because I want to make a point, she, at times, can be the issue and she screams if I'm seen taking anything.<efe> <efs>It's like that whole if I kill myself just to make a point, but my suicidal thoughts are laying off for the time being.<efe> <rs>All I needed was dam phone call, tx anything so I know what's going on.<re> <rs>Not just to get bk and explode because your son didn't hv dinner ready for you to warm up.<re> I take pride in my cooking and she told me I wasn't aloud to make lasagna (we've had a few times recently) you know how fucking long a good lasagna takes!!!! <rs>I just needed to get that out.<re> <efs>Now new years eve I'm so hungry and I don't even want to eat.<efe>
| 2 | 2 | 2 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
eiqvmi
|
I think I have nerve damage
|
1a
|
rant
| 1 |
So I self harmed awhile ago and it’s now since heald up I did it in the inside if my ankle and every time any thing touches it it hurts realy bad I don’t know what to do
|
kenzie_0124677990
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
2020-01-02 01:08:53
|
selfharm
|
<es>I think I have nerve damage<ee> <es>So I self harmed awhile ago and it’s now since heald up I did it in the inside if my ankle and every time any thing touches it it hurts realy bad I don’t know what to do<ee>
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you self harmed
|
How did X make you feel?
|
the self harm
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you ankle is hurting really bad
| null | true | 100 |
ejc93t
|
I wanna keep saying that I haven't cut once this whole decade
|
0
|
rant
| 1 |
but damn the big sad™ hittin me hard right now
|
PencilFetish
| 3 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-03 07:43:38
|
selfharm
|
<es>I wanna keep saying that I haven't cut once this whole decade<ee> <es>but damn the big sad™ hittin me hard right now<ee>
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you cut yourself
|
How did X make you feel?
|
the urge to cut
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are having the urges to cut
| null | true | 100 |
ei8n0w
|
Suppressing?
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
How do you suppress/repress/get rid of unwanted thoughts that ruminate over and over and over for days upon days upon days and hours upon hours upon hours? I am already in therapy, on meds, with a psychiatrist. It's not working/helping.
Thanks
|
Retexo
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
2019-12-31 20:50:11
|
Anxiety
|
<rs> How do you suppress/repress/get rid of unwanted thoughts that ruminate over and over and over for days upon days upon days and hours upon hours upon hours?<re> <es>I am already in therapy, on meds, with a psychiatrist.<ee> <es>It's not working/helping.<ee> Thanks
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
therapy and meds you are taking
|
How did X make you feel?
|
the unwanted thoughts
| null | null | null | true | 102 |
eigo6v
|
When do I get my body back? When does it become mine again?
|
1a
|
rant
| 1 |
I’m laying in bed fucking twitching again because falling asleep is losing control. I’m pissed off that I won’t let myself drink. I’m reliving that next morning when I woke up woozy and drunk and fucking naked and so fucking afraid.
I’m fucking tired. I got a solid three hours of sleep last night and an hour nap today (accidentally fell asleep because I’m so tired).
I’m smoking again so I don’t drink. I’m not eating. I can’t focus. I’m so tired and angry and fuck.
Fuck you for ruining my life. Fuck you for sleeping at night. Fuck you for living your perfect life. Fuck you for ruining me. Fuck you for taking control of me when I was asleep. Fuck you.
|
deeplynugget
| 1 | 0 | 10 |
2020-01-01 09:42:52
|
rapecounseling
|
I’m laying in bed fucking twitching again because falling asleep is losing control. I’m pissed off that I won’t let myself drink. I’m reliving that next morning when I woke up woozy and drunk and fucking naked and so fucking afraid. I’m fucking tired. I got a solid three hours of sleep last night and an hour nap today (accidentally fell asleep because I’m so tired). I’m smoking again so I don’t drink. I’m not eating. I can’t focus. I’m so tired and angry and fuck. Fuck you for ruining my life. Fuck you for sleeping at night. Fuck you for living your perfect life. Fuck you for ruining me. Fuck you for taking control of me when I was asleep. Fuck you.
| 2 | 2 | 0 | null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are tired and unable to get sleep
| null | true | 220 |
eia5uv
|
Just feeling a little bit sad today.
|
1b
|
rant
| 2 |
So it's the end of the year and it has just got me thinking about myself and the future. I haven't accomplished anything this year, I've stayed the same and I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself.
I'm stuck doing what I hate for the rest of my life, I have no friends and I'm just feeling terrible loneliness all the time. I'm still young and I feel like people won't take me seriously and I get it. I wouldn't either. I go to high school and a lot of things can change but even if they do change it won't help me.
At school I have a little group of people I stay with but none of them act like my friends, around them I just feel unwanted, they always talk with each other and I always just listen, they have themes for conversations that I don't know about so I can't participate and if I ask about them they'll just say something like "it's a long story" and I feel like they do that just to get me to shut up. They also said something about making a New Year Party and talked about inviting me but I haven't heard from them yet..... I don't really care about being at parties, I hate them actually but I just hoped that maybe they liked me and that I would get a chance with them but the more I think about it the more I feel like a fool. It would be just nice to have someone to talk with that could understand me and not make me feel like a bother or like I'm making all this up just for comfort or compliments.
My family is great, I feel loved and I know that they care wich makes me feel even worse and ungrateful. They want me to have a good future which is why they sent me to this school but I still feel terrible. I'm not getting any help with my anxiety because I don't know how to ask for it. People around me don't have the best view on psychiatrists and mental illness and that's even worse.
My whole life I've been trying to stay away from alcohol and smoking but now they seem like a good way to make me feel a little easier. If I ever started smoking part of me is convinced that it would help me relax and that way I could start talking with people more and the other part knows that I would hate myself even more because I promised myself and my family that I wouldn't do it.
I'm just really lost and confused and hurt now.
I lost all happiness during these holidays. I haven't felt any difference this Christmas or this New Year and my birthday is coming up and I just don't want to celebrate it because I see no point in doing so.
That's all I wanted to say, it's understandable if people didn't want to read all this crap but that's just what's been going through my mind lately.
If you did read this than thank you for spending your time on this and I'm sorry if I made anyone feel bad.
Bye and Happy New Year.
|
Skeletonche
| 1 | 0 | 8 |
2019-12-31 22:52:30
|
Anxiety
|
<es>So it's the end of the year and it has just got me thinking about myself and the future.<ee> <es>I haven't accomplished anything this year, I've stayed the same and I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself. <ee> <es>I'm stuck doing what I hate for the rest of my life, I have no friends and I'm just feeling terrible loneliness all the time.<ee> <efs>I'm still young and I feel like people won't take me seriously and I get it.<efe> I wouldn't either. <es>I go to high school and a lot of things can change but even if they do change it won't help me. <ee> <efs>At school I have a little group of people I stay with but none of them act like my friends, around them I just feel unwanted, they always talk with each other and I always just listen, they have themes for conversations that I don't know about so I can't participate and if I ask about them they'll just say something like "it's a long story" and I feel like they do that just to get me to shut up.<efe> <es>They also said something about making a New Year Party and talked about inviting me but I haven't heard from them yet.....<ee> <efs>I don't really care about being at parties, I hate them actually but I just hoped that maybe they liked me and that I would get a chance with them but the more I think about it the more I feel like a fool.<efe> <rs>It would be just nice to have someone to talk with that could understand me and not make me feel like a bother or like I'm making all this up just for comfort or compliments. <re> <efs>My family is great, I feel loved and I know that they care wich makes me feel even worse and ungrateful.<efe> <efs>They want me to have a good future which is why they sent me to this school but I still feel terrible.<efe> <es>I'm not getting any help with my anxiety because I don't know how to ask for it.<ee> <es>People around me don't have the best view on psychiatrists and mental illness and that's even worse. <ee> <es>My whole life I've been trying to stay away from alcohol and smoking but now they seem like a good way to make me feel a little easier.<ee> <es>If I ever started smoking part of me is convinced that it would help me relax and that way I could start talking with people more and the other part knows that I would hate myself even more because I promised myself and my family that I wouldn't do it.<ee> <efs>I'm just really lost and confused and hurt now.<efe> <es>I lost all happiness during these holidays.<ee> <es>I haven't felt any difference this Christmas or this New Year and my birthday is coming up and I just don't want to celebrate it because I see no point in doing so.<ee> That's all I wanted to say, it's understandable if people didn't want to read all this crap but that's just what's been going through my mind lately. If you did read this than thank you for spending your time on this and I'm sorry if I made anyone feel bad. Bye and Happy New Year.
| 1 | 2 | 2 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you hate what you are doing
| null | null | null | null | null | true | 122 |
favc9g
|
DAE experience a lack of thought privacy in childhood? Feeling compelled to admit to confusing or intrusive thoughts in order to be “honest” with a parent?
|
1b
|
survey
| 2 |
I’m (25f) trying to piece together a timeline for my experiences with trauma and severe depression as a child (8-10 I think) in order to have a bit of clarity about what happened but the memories are fuzzy. One of the things I remember during my most depressed was feeling like I had to tell my mother every bad or naughty thought I had. I don’t think she told me to do this so I don’t know how it began, but I grew up being taught that 100% honesty was the most important value so I’m sure that’s a big part of it. I would constantly try not to think of anything but of course the mind doesn’t work like this, so my thoughts would race and at some point in the day I would have some sort of odd or intrusive thought that I felt I had to report to my mom. Like I was telling on myself. I don’t remember her ever telling me to stop doing this and she was clearly stressed, even asking “do you need to go to therapy?” in a mocking, blaming and exasperated way. At one or more points (one I remember) she asked “Have you thought about x?” “Do you think about x?” and because she said that, a mental image would involuntary pop into my head and I would admit “yes”. She was really upset. It was very traumatic for me and I spent a lot of time isolating myself from other kids, even avoiding making dolls at summer day camp as to not think of nakedness or faces. I was trapped in a riptide of guilt and shame every second for a length of time I’m not even sure of.
If anyone had similar experiences in childhood, feel free to talk about it. I’ve never really talked much about this point in my life and it’s such a confusing and isolating feeling. I don’t remember exactly how old I was or when that fits into the timeline of other events that happened in my life but I know I was in grade school.
|
Everythingbread
| 1 | 0 | 7 |
2020-02-28 14:17:26
|
getting_over_it
|
<es>I’m (25f) trying to piece together a timeline for my experiences with trauma and severe depression as a child (8-10 I think) in order to have a bit of clarity about what happened but the memories are fuzzy.<ee> <es>One of the things I remember during my most depressed was feeling like I had to tell my mother every bad or naughty thought I had.<ee> <es>I don’t think she told me to do this so I don’t know how it began, but I grew up being taught that 100% honesty was the most important value so I’m sure that’s a big part of it.<ee> <es>I would constantly try not to think of anything but of course the mind doesn’t work like this, so my thoughts would race and at some point in the day I would have some sort of odd or intrusive thought that I felt I had to report to my mom.<ee> <es>Like I was telling on myself.<ee> <es>I don’t remember her ever telling me to stop doing this and she was clearly stressed, even asking “do you need to go to therapy?” in a mocking, blaming and exasperated way.<ee> <es>At one or more points (one I remember) she asked “Have you thought about x?” “Do you think about x?” and because she said that, a mental image would involuntary pop into my head and I would admit “yes”.<ee> <es>She was really upset.<ee> <efs>It was very traumatic for me and I spent a lot of time isolating myself from other kids, even avoiding making dolls at summer day camp as to not think of nakedness or faces.<efe> <efs>I was trapped in a riptide of guilt and shame every second for a length of time I’m not even sure of. <efe> <rs>If anyone had similar experiences in childhood, feel free to talk about it.<re> <efs>I’ve never really talked much about this point in my life and it’s such a confusing and isolating feeling.<efe> <es>I don’t remember exactly how old I was or when that fits into the timeline of other events that happened in my life but I know I was in grade school.<ee>
| 2 | 2 | 2 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
ep8zhj
|
So after a decent start at recovery
|
1a
|
rant
| 2 |
I relapsed hard after about 3 months
It started after I took the new head chef position
That opened up for a month long binge
Started off slow and then ended with me getting drunk at work in the middle of a hellacious double
The stress that came with the new job is what put me in my trigger environment before I was ready
Some of my family called it a cop out
That being said as much as I didn’t want to I went back to my previous job where I was able to start/keep building my defenses and also focus more on recovery and relapse prevention
I’d say I lost the battle but I’ll be damned if I’ll lose the war and even though career wise it was a step back I think I made the right choice and I already feel less anxious and more optimistic
Day 4
Thanks for reading
Hope everyone’s having a stellar day
|
MrBurnsgreen
| 1 | 0 | 35 |
2020-01-15 21:43:36
|
alcoholicsanonymous
|
<es>I relapsed hard after about 3 months <ee> <es>It started after I took the new head chef position<ee> <es>That opened up for a month long binge <ee> <es>Started off slow and then ended with me getting drunk at work in the middle of a hellacious double <ee> <es>The stress that came with the new job is what put me in my trigger environment before I was ready<ee> <es>Some of my family called it a cop out<ee> <es>That being said as much as I didn’t want to I went back to my previous job where I was able to start/keep building my defenses and also focus more on recovery and relapse prevention <ee> <efs>I’d say I lost the battle but I’ll be damned if I’ll lose the war and even though career wise it was a step back I think I made the right choice and I already feel less anxious and more optimistic <efe> Day 4 Thanks for reading Hope everyone’s having a stellar day
| 2 | 1 | 0 | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how the relapse made you feel
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
the stress from the job triggered you
| null | true | 210 |
fhz1u6
|
Day 9: Today has been fruitful in some ways.
|
0
|
rant
| 2 |
**Journal:**
For those of you following, I visited the hospital this morning trying to me restarted on Sertraline after being stopped over concerns with my liver function. Because the fucking appointment for the hepatic specialist is on August and I don't think I could make it till then. No dice.
I took the referral letter given to me for a psychotherapist in a different hospital and visited them. Managed to get myself scheduled by 8th April for a consultation and hopefully then, I could get me medications restarted or get an earlier liver consultation.
After a rather productive morning, I went back to office and lazed around for the rest of the day.
**Analysis:**
I'd like to give myself an applause for today. GO ME!!! Going to the first hospital involved a long walk and walking past the coronavirus testing tent. Seeing the docs involved long ass queing, registration, and waiting (the slow government workers taking their sweet time doesn't help). After being rejected, I drove 40minutes through heavy traffic to a distant hospital. I am new there and to my luck, parked at a place 20minutes walk from the psychiatry clinic. Even better is I had no idea where the clinic and I spent a good 40minutes just finding the damn place. Then comes the queuing, waiting, etc.
Why am I congratulating myself? Because I can't imagine myself going through so much effort, pain, and struggle, for the hope of doing better. I wouldn't have made it through the first hospital. This is why I'm so adamant on getting my Sertraline restarted, while I can't be sure it is the medication, I'm not going to risk it. If the effects wear off and I go back to the mental state before, I wouldn't make it to my appointment.
My plan moving forward is to slowly stretch the amount of effort I can exert throughout the day.
|
FallingIsLearning
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-03-13 12:42:38
|
getting_over_it
|
**Journal:** For those of you following, I visited the hospital this morning trying to me restarted on Sertraline after being stopped over concerns with my liver function. Because the fucking appointment for the hepatic specialist is on August and I don't think I could make it till then. No dice. I took the referral letter given to me for a psychotherapist in a different hospital and visited them. Managed to get myself scheduled by 8th April for a consultation and hopefully then, I could get me medications restarted or get an earlier liver consultation. After a rather productive morning, I went back to office and lazed around for the rest of the day. **Analysis:** I'd like to give myself an applause for today. GO ME!!! Going to the first hospital involved a long walk and walking past the coronavirus testing tent. Seeing the docs involved long ass queing, registration, and waiting (the slow government workers taking their sweet time doesn't help). After being rejected, I drove 40minutes through heavy traffic to a distant hospital. I am new there and to my luck, parked at a place 20minutes walk from the psychiatry clinic. Even better is I had no idea where the clinic and I spent a good 40minutes just finding the damn place. Then comes the queuing, waiting, etc. Why am I congratulating myself? Because I can't imagine myself going through so much effort, pain, and struggle, for the hope of doing better. I wouldn't have made it through the first hospital. This is why I'm so adamant on getting my Sertraline restarted, while I can't be sure it is the medication, I'm not going to risk it. If the effects wear off and I go back to the mental state before, I wouldn't make it to my appointment. My plan moving forward is to slowly stretch the amount of effort I can exert throughout the day.
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
eiqnsa
|
I think really fast, but also on a delay
|
0
|
survey
| 1 |
Let's see if I can explain this in a way that makes sense haha. So whenever I think it's like there's a delay of a few seconds before my brain actually registers it and starts the process of thinking. Kinda like it has to boot up first. Once I've started though, it's like I've finished the thought before I realize I've finished it.
A good example would be with maths. If someone asked what 5x12 is, I guess most people's train of thoughts would be like "so 10 x 5 is 50. 2 x 5 is 10. 50 + 10 = 60" or "10 x 12 = 120. 120 / 2 = 60". Something like that. With me though it's just "uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 60" and if anyone asks how I got to 60 I won't know because I thought it too quickly to actually register the steps. Idk if anyone can relate but I'm kinda curious how y'all think.
|
adhd_0_throwaway
| 1 | 0 | 3 |
2020-01-02 00:51:23
|
ADHD
|
Let's see if I can explain this in a way that makes sense haha. <es>So whenever I think it's like there's a delay of a few seconds before my brain actually registers it and starts the process of thinking.<ee> <es>Kinda like it has to boot up first.<ee> <es>Once I've started though, it's like I've finished the thought before I realize I've finished it.<ee> <es>A good example would be with maths.<ee> <es>If someone asked what 5x12 is, I guess most people's train of thoughts would be like "so 10 x 5 is 50. 2 x 5 is 10. 50 + 10 = 60" or "10 x 12 = 120. 120 / 2 = 60".<ee> <es>Something like that.<ee> <es>With me though it's just "uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 60" and if anyone asks how I got to 60 I won't know because I thought it too quickly to actually register the steps.<ee> <rs>Idk if anyone can relate but I'm kinda curious how y'all think.<re>
| 2 | 0 | 2 | null | null |
How did X make you feel?
|
your brain starting to think after a delay
| null | null | null | true | 202 |
eo3q7k
|
Can you get help without police?
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
Can you get help from anyone legally in Australia without calling the police?
I'm in a situation where I would prefer not to involve the police however each my mother and I try to leave it just makes things harder. It's getting to the point where I can't work because I'm afraid to leave my mum alone but we can't think of a way out of the situation. Any advice would be appropriated
|
EzraDangerNoodle
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-13 12:53:07
|
domesticviolence
|
<rs>Can you get help from anyone legally in Australia without calling the police? <re> <es>I'm in a situation where I would prefer not to involve the police however each my mother and I try to leave it just makes things harder.<ee> <efs>It's getting to the point where I can't work because I'm afraid to leave my mum alone but we can't think of a way out of the situation.<efe> <rs>Any advice would be appropriated<re>
| 1 | 1 | 1 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
your situation
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how you feel about your situation
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would help you out of your situation
| null | true | 111 |
eknfcr
|
Some sad music that actually made me feel better
|
0
|
chitchat
| 1 | null |
Ilovechillmusic
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-06 02:35:54
|
sad
| null | 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
ei9psw
|
Finally made it to my doctor appointment after four months to discuss medication to manage my ADHD!
|
0
|
chitchat
| 2 |
My primary doctor sent me to go get testing done to diagnose my ADHD and then scheduled me a follow up to discuss it. This was in the beginning of September......I missed the appointment and didn’t even realize it for two weeks when I thought “hmm didn’t I have something to do this month?” So, I made appointment number two for the next week.......I missed it. ONE MORE appointment! Aaaaaand spoiler alert....I missed it 😭 I FINALLY made it to my appointment today!! We discussed options and I feel really good with the steps moving forward. When my doctor asked why I missed all of my previous appointments I just looked her dead in the eye and said “the adhd” Cheers to feeling accomplished after multiple failures!! We exist on a different clock (and calendar) than the neuro typical society but we still get shut done....eventually!
|
mamajazzi
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2019-12-31 22:16:33
|
ADHD
|
My primary doctor sent me to go get testing done to diagnose my ADHD and then scheduled me a follow up to discuss it. This was in the beginning of September......I missed the appointment and didn’t even realize it for two weeks when I thought “hmm didn’t I have something to do this month?” So, I made appointment number two for the next week.......I missed it. ONE MORE appointment! Aaaaaand spoiler alert....I missed it 😭 I FINALLY made it to my appointment today!! We discussed options and I feel really good with the steps moving forward. When my doctor asked why I missed all of my previous appointments I just looked her dead in the eye and said “the adhd” Cheers to feeling accomplished after multiple failures!! We exist on a different clock (and calendar) than the neuro typical society but we still get shut done....eventually!
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
elb71r
|
7 days without porn
|
0
|
chitchat
| 1 |
May seem like nothing to some of you, but its so fucking hard to do it since i've been using it for 9 years, finally decided to quit, lets do this boyos.
|
Ihatepayingtaxes
| 1 | 0 | 11 |
2020-01-07 12:54:35
|
addiction
|
May seem like nothing to some of you, but its so fucking hard to do it since i've been using it for 9 years, finally decided to quit, lets do this boyos.
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
positive
| true | 0 |
ej03p3
|
Depression and Ritalin
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
I have depression and ADHD. As of late I’m noticing that the morning after taking Ritalin and before I take my next dose, I feel really depressed. Once I take it I feel better. I’m wondering if there’s a correlation here. I could go up on my Prozac or perhaps it’s just my dopamine or serotonin levels crashing from the Ritalin I took the previous day?
|
wonderkat4
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
2020-01-02 16:08:24
|
ADHD
|
<es>I have depression and ADHD.<ee> <efs>As of late I’m noticing that the morning after taking Ritalin and before I take my next dose, I feel really depressed.<efe> <efs>Once I take it I feel better.<efe> <rs>I’m wondering if there’s a correlation here.<re> <rs>I could go up on my Prozac or perhaps it’s just my dopamine or serotonin levels crashing from the Ritalin I took the previous day?<re>
| 1 | 2 | 2 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 122 |
eks900
|
I never called anyone to talk , it was always for something
|
0
|
rant
| 1 | null |
mofifa16
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
2020-01-06 10:18:22
|
socialanxiety
| null | 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
eiye97
|
Just wanting to get this of my mind.
|
0
|
chitchat
| 1 |
I never had a way to explain what\`s inside my head until I made this playlist it is the biggest chaos you will ever see but that is how I feel. Maybe some of you can relate check it out if you feel like it. have a nice day, stay strong. [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6ttoGFmrkFWfMicKb83YUR?si=10oMr4NaQRikPDiK2Cjx5w](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6ttoGFmrkFWfMicKb83YUR?si=10oMr4NaQRikPDiK2Cjx5w)
|
niels1604
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-02 13:44:26
|
sad
|
I never had a way to explain what\`s inside my head until I made this playlist it is the biggest chaos you will ever see but that is how I feel. Maybe some of you can relate check it out if you feel like it. have a nice day, stay strong. [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6ttoGFmrkFWfMicKb83YUR?si=10oMr4NaQRikPDiK2Cjx5w](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6ttoGFmrkFWfMicKb83YUR?si=10oMr4NaQRikPDiK2Cjx5w)
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
eoyt7v
|
Just realized, I’m addicted to Adderall.. even though it’s affecting me negatively
|
1a
|
rant
| 1 |
Lately, I can only go a few days without giving in & taking more. While using it, my depression evaporates and I finally feel good, things feel more “together.” Once it starts to wear off, I’m a manic, suicidal, mess. I take more pills to knock me out, then wait few days, repeat. My poor brain
|
Txawayxx28
| 1 | 0 | 31 |
2020-01-15 06:45:24
|
addiction
|
<es>Just realized, I’m addicted to Adderall..<ee> <efs>even though it’s affecting me negatively <efe> <es>Lately, I can only go a few days without giving in & taking more.<ee> <efs>While using it, my depression evaporates and I finally feel good, things feel more “together.”<efe> <efs>Once it starts to wear off, I’m a manic, suicidal, mess.<efe> <es>I take more pills to knock me out, then wait few days, repeat.<ee> My poor brain
| 1 | 2 | 0 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you take adderall
| null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
adderall is affecting your mental health
| null | true | 120 |
f45ul2
|
Does it ever get better?
|
1a
|
survey
| 1 |
Does anyone else startle at the thought of having sex again after being raped? Does anyone else get an anxiety attack when a guy touches you? It’s been so hard for me after everything happened. Being touched by another guy makes me really stressed and scared. It’s been a struggle for me. I also have dealt with a great deal of self blame. I just can’t help but think it was my fault somehow. That I didn’t stop him with all my power but then again I think I couldn’t have at all... he was stronger.
I fear that no guy would be patient enough with me if we ever try to have sex. Maybe I’m feeling this because i was hurt by the person who was supposed to love and cherish me and my body, that now i have no trust for anyone at all.
Some days i cry so hard because i feel so alone and that i am never ever gonna have a healthy sex life.
|
miliebug
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-02-15 06:46:44
|
rapecounseling
|
<rs>Does it ever get better?<re> <es>Does anyone else startle at the thought of having sex again after being raped?<ee> <efs>Does anyone else get an anxiety attack when a guy touches you?<efe> <es>It’s been so hard for me after everything happened.<ee> <efs>Being touched by another guy makes me really stressed and scared.<efe> <es>It’s been a struggle for me.<ee> <es>I also have dealt with a great deal of self blame.<ee> <efs>I just can’t help but think it was my fault somehow.<efe> <es>That I didn’t stop him with all my power but then again I think I couldn’t have at all... he was stronger. <ee> <efs>I fear that no guy would be patient enough with me if we ever try to have sex.<efe> <es>Maybe I’m feeling this because i was hurt by the person who was supposed to love and cherish me and my body, that now i have no trust for anyone at all. <ee> <efs>Some days i cry so hard because i feel so alone and that i am never ever gonna have a healthy sex life.<efe>
| 2 | 2 | 2 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
els3aj
|
This piece of music reminds of the pain I went through...
|
1b
|
rant
| 2 |
I first listened to Lakey Inspired (a hip-hop artist I discovered) during March. I went through horrid experiences early this year, and his tracks soothe me.
I suffered too much this January through March, and even worse in Spring.
My mother was suffering from delusional disorder. She believed that she was facing persecution from dark spiritual forces manifested in evil-minded people, despite there was none. She raged about it, and caused trouble. I went to the doctor to get help. He gave her Risperidone and Lithium to ease her anger and delusions. They seemed to calm her down, but she went back again.
She was so angry that she became alcoholic. That seemed to calm her down, but my doctor warned that could bring dangers.
He urged me not to have her drink alcohol.
I tried that for months. I tried telling her. I tried pouring the alcohol out into the sink. Nothing worked. There were times she never took her pills properly. I tried to force her for months, but it doesn't work. She was spiraling out of control and I couldn't stop it.
But my mind pushed me to push harder or else everything is over.
I suffer from paranoid schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. I have been taking pills properly, but this situation scared me beyond limits.
From what I've learned from websites, you just worry about yourself if someone is not willing to receive help. But I can't. She might end up homeless if she spirals down the path. I feel like I have to do better in order to survive. Without her, I feel like I can't survive. I can get a job, who on earth is going to take care of her? There's a possibility that I can't get a job. Or won't make enough money. My father is exhausted, and cannot pay for her hospital bills if she gets admitted into one. And since I am an undergraduate from a college, I can't pay for our living expenses and her expenses.
But she recovered this July. We went to a different doctor and she took different pills such as Risperidone and Depakote.
But I loathe the memories of going through the park in winter, seeing dead plants and lifelessness. Add that with no people. Worrying about whether she would commit suicide, or commit harm. If that happens, my family would reject me and lose financial support. It's hard to get a job in South Korea. Although I'm an American, I came to South Korea for family support on finances and affordable healthcare. The taxes and healthcare costs are too high in US. So I'm stuck...
I tried to listen to music. Nothing cheers me up. But there's one particular piece of music that led me to more misery and longing.
I suffered from her for 10 years. It can fuck a person up. And after a few months later, his tracks bring me only pain. I have no criticism towards his music though.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?time\_continue=189&v=B7ArnZl\_zBU&feature=emb\_title](https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=189&v=B7ArnZl_zBU&feature=emb_title)
When I looked at this track that Lakey Inspired released this July, it depicted him sitting in a flower field. This remembered the Spring of this year, walking alone in the park, flowers blooming, and enjoying none of it due to my pain. I was terrified. I suffer from paranoid schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. And looking after my mother without assistance for 6 months (I had help in the past) can terrify anyone without the money to treat the person. I don't have enough money to hospitalize her. The doctors gave up on me (Thankfully, one of the doctors from the best hospitals helped us eventually). So I didn't know what would I do. I did make some wrong choices (such as going to a crazy pastor- I left her months ago) to get help.
Plus, my future is uncertain. Although my father will take care of my mother after two years, but I cannot move away from them because there are no job opportunities. I major in Computer science, and it doesn't mean shit. Jobs are competitive in South Korea, it sucks! Can't go back to US, because it's in a similar situation. Don't know what to do...
|
8900_maltic56
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-08 12:30:54
|
ptsd
|
I first listened to Lakey Inspired (a hip-hop artist I discovered) during March. <es>I went through horrid experiences early this year, and his tracks soothe me. <ee> <es>I suffered too much this January through March, and even worse in Spring. <ee> <es> My mother was suffering from delusional disorder. She believed that she was facing persecution from dark spiritual forces manifested in evil-minded people, despite there was none.<ee> <es>She raged about it, and caused trouble.<ee> <es>I went to the doctor to get help.<ee> <es>He gave her Risperidone and Lithium to ease her anger and delusions.<ee> <es>They seemed to calm her down, but she went back again.<ee> <es> She was so angry that she became alcoholic.<ee> <es>That seemed to calm her down, but my doctor warned that could bring dangers. <ee> <es> He urged me not to have her drink alcohol. <ee> <es>I tried that for months.<ee> <es>I tried telling her.<ee> <es>I tried pouring the alcohol out into the sink.<ee> <es>Nothing worked.<ee> <es>There were times she never took her pills properly.<ee> <es>I tried to force her for months, but it doesn't work.<ee> <es>She was spiraling out of control and I couldn't stop it. <ee> <es>But my mind pushed me to push harder or else everything is over. <ee> <es> I suffer from paranoid schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.<ee> <efs>I have been taking pills properly, but this situation scared me beyond limits. <efe> <es>From what I've learned from websites, you just worry about yourself if someone is not willing to receive help.<ee> <es>But I can't.<ee> <es>She might end up homeless if she spirals down the path.<ee> <efs>I feel like I have to do better in order to survive.<efe> <efs>Without her, I feel like I can't survive.<efe> <es>I can get a job, who on earth is going to take care of her?<ee> <es>There's a possibility that I can't get a job.<ee> <es>Or won't make enough money.<ee> <es>My father is exhausted, and cannot pay for her hospital bills if she gets admitted into one.<ee> <es>And since I am an undergraduate from a college, I can't pay for our living expenses and her expenses. <ee> <es> But she recovered this July.<ee> <es>We went to a different doctor and she took different pills such as Risperidone and Depakote. <ee> <efs>But I loathe the memories of going through the park in winter, seeing dead plants and lifelessness.<efe> <efs>Add that with no people.<efe> <efs>Worrying about whether she would commit suicide, or commit harm.<efe> <es>If that happens, my family would reject me and lose financial support.<ee> <es>It's hard to get a job in South Korea.<ee> <es>Although I'm an American, I came to South Korea for family support on finances and affordable healthcare.<ee> <es>The taxes and healthcare costs are too high in US.<ee> <es>So I'm stuck... <ee> <es> I tried to listen to music.<ee> <es>Nothing cheers me up.<ee> <es>But there's one particular piece of music that led me to more misery and longing.<ee> <es> I suffered from her for 10 years.<ee> <es>It can fuck a person up.<ee> <es> And after a few months later, his tracks bring me only pain.<ee> <es>I have no criticism towards his music though. <ee> [https://www.youtube.com/watch?time\_continue=189&v=B7ArnZl\_zBU&feature=emb\_title](https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=189&v=B7ArnZl_zBU&feature=emb_title) <es>When I looked at this track that Lakey Inspired released this July, it depicted him sitting in a flower field.<ee> <es>This remembered the Spring of this year, walking alone in the park, flowers blooming, and enjoying none of it due to my pain.<ee> <efs>I was terrified.<efe> <es>I suffer from paranoid schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.<ee> <es>And looking after my mother without assistance for 6 months (I had help in the past) can terrify anyone without the money to treat the person.<ee> <es>I don't have enough money to hospitalize her.<ee> <es>The doctors gave up on me (Thankfully, one of the doctors from the best hospitals helped us eventually).<ee> <es>So I didn't know what would I do.<ee> <es>I did make some wrong choices (such as going to a crazy pastor- I left her months ago) to get help.<ee> <es>Plus, my future is uncertain.<ee> <es>Although my father will take care of my mother after two years, but I cannot move away from them because there are no job opportunities.<ee> <es>I major in Computer science, and it doesn't mean shit.<ee> <es>Jobs are competitive in South Korea, it sucks!<ee> <es>Can't go back to US, because it's in a similar situation.<ee> <es>Don't know what to do...<ee>
| 2 | 2 | 0 | null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you feel exhausted from taking care of your mother
| null | true | 220 |
em0z7w
|
I fucking hate everyone. I hate being angry.
|
1c
|
rant
| 1 |
I'm almost 10 months sober but I'm on the edge of losing my shit for real. Im so done with everyone. I need to punch someone or take a xanax. For real.
|
carson-ist
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-08 23:36:39
|
addiction
|
<es>I'm almost 10 months sober but I'm on the edge of losing my shit for real.<ee> <es>Im so done with everyone.<ee> <es>I need to punch someone or take a xanax.<ee> For real.
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you hate everyone
|
How did X make you feel?
|
not taking xanax
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are feeling on edge
| null | true | 100 |
eid7yo
|
Just passed out from anxiety for the first time
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
Typical teen spending NYE alone and a huge anxiety attack came out of nowhere so I went to my room and immediately started shaking violently and passed out. Don’t really know why I’m putting this here besides to tell someone because all my good friends are out and partly drunk. I’m still shaking and i don’t know what to do.
|
jDaw1
| 1 | 0 | 6 |
2020-01-01 03:17:16
|
Anxiety
|
Typical teen spending NYE alone and a huge anxiety attack came out of nowhere so I went to my room and immediately started shaking violently and passed out. Don’t really know why I’m putting this here besides to tell someone because all my good friends are out and partly drunk. I’m still shaking and i don’t know what to do.
| 1 | 2 | 0 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what triggered the anxiety attack
| null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
the anxiety attack made you pass out
| null | true | 120 |
eppb3o
|
y'all just start worrying about how you're doing literally nothing...
|
0
|
survey
| 1 |
Which causes you to continue to do literally nothing but pace around worrying about how you're going to start doing something, causing you to not do anything?
|
i-comment-cat
| 1 | 0 | 10 |
2020-01-16 20:46:01
|
mentalillness
|
Which causes you to continue to do literally nothing but pace around worrying about how you're going to start doing something, causing you to not do anything?
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
ekmgyw
|
Gone in the wind
|
0
|
chitchat
| 3 | null |
adamslife98
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
2020-01-06 01:21:15
|
sad
| null | 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
ev9i83
|
PTSD
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
I'm wondering how others handle flash backs, nightmares and fleeting feelings of being back in the situation. Do they go away with time or are they going to be with me forever?
I was unconscious when I was raped but awoke in the middle of it happening and was able to kick him off of me and get away into my apartment building to find help. My life was taken from me that night, my whole life. S.O. left me and took our daughter. I was left homeless and alone. It was the trauma of rape and everything that came after that still haunts me. Sometimes I just "disappear" and find myself flooded with the emotions I had running from him that night, the physical pain, 'waking' to realize I was being raped, the desperation I felt when I tried to find help and the unbearable pain of everything I lost. It can knock me on my ass when it happens and it can happen whenever or wherever. It's been over 2 years.
I have a trial date for this September and am terrified that things are going to get worse when I have to relive it all again.
I am so sorry for everyone who has been raped. We are all survivors.♥️
|
29TwentyNine29
| 1 | 0 | 7 |
2020-01-28 18:39:48
|
rapecounseling
|
<rs> I'm wondering how others handle flash backs, nightmares and fleeting feelings of being back in the situation.<re> <rs>Do they go away with time or are they going to be with me forever? <re> <es>I was unconscious when I was raped but awoke in the middle of it happening and was able to kick him off of me and get away into my apartment building to find help. My life was taken from me that night, my whole life.<ee> <es>S.O. left me and took our daughter.<ee> <es>I was left homeless and alone.<ee> <es>It was the trauma of rape and everything that came after that still haunts me.<ee> <efs>Sometimes I just "disappear" and find myself flooded with the emotions I had running from him that night, the physical pain, 'waking' to realize I was being raped, the desperation I felt when I tried to find help and the unbearable pain of everything I lost.<efe> <efs>It can knock me on my ass when it happens and it can happen whenever or wherever.<efe> <es>It's been over 2 years. <ee> <es>I have a trial date for this September and am terrified that things are going to get worse when I have to relive it all again. <ee> I am so sorry for everyone who has been raped. We are all survivors.♥️
| 2 | 2 | 2 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
eld9gu
|
UK GP surgeries 'failing troops with PTSD' as only one in 20 are 'veteran friendly'
|
0
|
chitchat
| 2 |
>**Figures from the Armed Forces Covenant annual report revealed just 375 of 7,000 practices have staff trained to deal with veterans issues**
>At least 158 serving or ex-armed forces members have taken their lives since 2018 – most served in war zones and were diagnosed with PTSD or other mental health issue.
>
>To be veteran friendly GP practices must ensure all troops’ status is on medical records and have a trained professional who makes sure the practice complies with the Armed Forces Covenant.
>
>Many GPs are unaware of veteran-friendly accreditation.
>
>One doctor said: “I’m not sure we’d advertise we are veteran friendly, veterans often come with many issues such as mental health problems and alcoholism.
>
>“We are hard pressed enough in dealing with the patients we have.
>
>"If we took on more complex patients we would begin to struggle very badly.
>
>"Sadly the Armed Forces Covenant doesn’t take the problems GPs face in this country into account.”
***[The Mirror, 04 Jan 2020](https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/gp-surgeries-failing-troops-ptsd-21214155)***
Note: In the UK there is no dedicated medical service for ex-military personnel. The Military Medical Services were cut in 2000 by Priminister Tony Blair and replaced with the Armed Forces Covenant which was supposed to guarantee medical treatment and access to ex-service personnel. It has been a failure from the start with both funding and compliance absent.
It has no legal weight and only acts to confuse the majority of the UK population into believing there is an equivalent to The VA organisation in The USA. Repeated governments have failed to do as promised.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Armed_Forces_Covenant#Political_debate
|
BlueAzzure
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-07 15:50:47
|
ptsd
|
>**Figures from the Armed Forces Covenant annual report revealed just 375 of 7,000 practices have staff trained to deal with veterans issues** >At least 158 serving or ex-armed forces members have taken their lives since 2018 – most served in war zones and were diagnosed with PTSD or other mental health issue. > >To be veteran friendly GP practices must ensure all troops’ status is on medical records and have a trained professional who makes sure the practice complies with the Armed Forces Covenant. > >Many GPs are unaware of veteran-friendly accreditation. > >One doctor said: “I’m not sure we’d advertise we are veteran friendly, veterans often come with many issues such as mental health problems and alcoholism. > >“We are hard pressed enough in dealing with the patients we have. > >"If we took on more complex patients we would begin to struggle very badly. > >"Sadly the Armed Forces Covenant doesn’t take the problems GPs face in this country into account.” ***[The Mirror, 04 Jan 2020](https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/gp-surgeries-failing-troops-ptsd-21214155)*** Note: In the UK there is no dedicated medical service for ex-military personnel. The Military Medical Services were cut in 2000 by Priminister Tony Blair and replaced with the Armed Forces Covenant which was supposed to guarantee medical treatment and access to ex-service personnel. It has been a failure from the start with both funding and compliance absent. It has no legal weight and only acts to confuse the majority of the UK population into believing there is an equivalent to The VA organisation in The USA. Repeated governments have failed to do as promised. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Armed_Forces_Covenant#Political_debate
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
eibu3l
|
Thanks
|
0
|
chitchat
| 1 |
I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who has commented on my posts this last year. I'm still in a very dark place but having a forum where it feels like people actually listen and possibly even care a little feels nice. First nice this in a long time. So thank you, you have literally saved my life more times than I can count.
I hope everyone has as good of a New Years Eve as their mind let's them.
|
JackVanBurance
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-01 01:07:53
|
depression
|
I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who has commented on my posts this last year. I'm still in a very dark place but having a forum where it feels like people actually listen and possibly even care a little feels nice. First nice this in a long time. So thank you, you have literally saved my life more times than I can count. I hope everyone has as good of a New Years Eve as their mind let's them.
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
positive
| true | 0 |
ejhwwi
|
I cant call back for a job
|
1a
|
rant
| 1 |
I am 19 and need a job. I get so scared to call back or answer the phone when I get a call for a job. I have ignored some and that doesn't make it better. I need to take the leap and just do it but I get such a shaky voice. It makes me so disappointed in myself. My mom thinks I'm lazy and unmotivated but if she only knew that this is all I think about all day she wouldn't say that stuff to me. I try and muster up courage but fail right at the end. In a bad situation and yes money will fix it. I need to do this
|
Remarkable-Try
| 1 | 0 | 12 |
2020-01-03 16:40:57
|
socialanxiety
|
<es>I am 19 and need a job.<ee> <efs>I get so scared to call back or answer the phone when I get a call for a job.<efe> <es>I have ignored some and that doesn't make it better.<ee> <es>I need to take the leap and just do it but I get such a shaky voice.<ee> <efs>It makes me so disappointed in myself.<efe> <es>My mom thinks I'm lazy and unmotivated but if she only knew that this is all I think about all day she wouldn't say that stuff to me.<ee> <es>I try and muster up courage but fail right at the end.<ee> In a bad situation and yes money will fix it. I need to do this
| 2 | 2 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you get nervous answering the calls
| null | true | 220 |
ej2jhq
|
Thursday Jan 2nd check in
|
1b
|
rant
| 3 |
Hey y'all! Hope everyone's 2020 is getting off to a good start. I worked an 11 hour shift on new year's eve, made the most money I ever had in a single shift, and had an existential crisis and cried on the drive home while listening to old punk songs that I loved circa 2009-11. Good times. I had to open the next day which sucks since our last big party were total pieces of shit and didn't leave until 11pm even though we closed at 10pm and ordinances legitimately prevent us from having patrons inside the restaurant after 10.30pm (we're BYOB so the state has really strict laws about operating hours since no liquor license) so I got like maybe 3 hours of sleep then went back to work for another 9 hour shift.
I was so fucking exhausted yesterday and if I'd have known how busy it was going to be I swear I would've stayed in bed. I think we all would've lol, my cashier was swamped with delivery orders and angry drivers, my kitchen manager was off the day before and isn't usually and was furious with the sous chef for barely doing any prep the day before, we were so short staffed that the dishie, who has been on prep for a while but she's still learning grill and garde, was thrown on the line for the first time 20+ tickets deep for at least 6 hours straight, my manager had to hop on grill (you KNOW its bad when a foh person has to do boh lol) and I had a FULL dining room like at least 30 covers at all times and hosting, bussing and running duties were all on me as well as anything else pertaining to serving dine in covers, and all this on 3 hours of sleep (my manager only slept 4 hours as well)...
there were multiple points where her and I looked at each other and weren't sure whether to burst out laughing or burst into tears lmao. It had been a really long time since I'd been in the weeds like that but we all made it through miraculously with zero mistakes on any orders, we closed early thank God so I got out of there at like 4.45, got a lyft home, ordered pizza and then passed out at 8.30pm and slept until 10.30am.
Overall im exhausted right now and am so glad I have nothing to do today. When I think about this time a year ago, I remember how I was literally praying that I would be clean for the next new year. I also realized that this will be the first full decade of my life without using any full agonist opiates. Ofc 94-00 I didn't use because I was a small child, but I did my first ever prescription opiate pill in 08 and by 09 would buy them whenever I came across them. 10-19 ofc i used for at least 50% of that time and was strung out for at least 4 years total. Kicking dope was still to this day truly the hardest thing I've ever had to do, harder than doing two group projects meant for 5 people each by myself then winging the presentation on 4 hours of sleep and still getting As, harder than working 4 12 hour shifts back to back, the only thing I think it could possibly be compared to is dealing with some of the abusive relationships I've been in (which makes sense considering brain functions pertaining to that are similar to those used with opiate addiction).
Im sure I've mentioned this on here before, but when R and I first kicked, pretty much 100% of my mind believed it was "just for show," just so we could say we "tried," and that we would be taking the el up to the Northside within 48 hours to go cop again. But somehow, some way, it stuck. That feeling of the first few days without heroin is one I will never forget. My car getting impounded was definitely a catalyst for me to actually stick to it (I like to joke that instead of me going to jail getting me clean, my car going to jail did 😭) and I remember taking a Lyft to the parking authority, finally listening to music again after months without it, beginning of spring air blowing through the window, and looking out onto my city without my eyes being clouded by heroin for the first time in over 2 years and finally started seeing all the possibilities and opportunities that could arise to me if I wasn't a junkie.
Now here I am nearly 9 months later and my life contains things that I only dreamed about this time last year. I have over $1000 saved, I'm enrolled in school, I'm productive and happy and can take care of myself and my home and my dogs and even help out those close to me if they need it, and I actually like my life. I really never ever ever thought I'd be able to say these things and although 8.5 months is a while, it's also not much time at all, but there definitely have been plenty of instances where life was testing me but through altering the way my mind deals with and sees bad emotions and getting rid of my "spinning the wheel" tendencies I think that, as long as I stay vigilant and dedicated to bettering myself and my life, I can keep it up.
How was everyone else's new year's? I think for me out of all the holidays new year's can be the most triggering (like the pressure to "do" something or get fucked up) so im really glad I was working and out of an environment where I could fall prey to temptation. If anyone is reading this and newly clean still feeling like total shit, ringing in the new year dope sick is an awesome start to this decade and hang in there because even though your mind feels like its eating itself alive I promise it will pass and it's all worth it! To anyone whos still using and reading this, new year's is just a date and doesn't really matter as much as people say it does so if you're still getting high and want to quit just because you used in the beginning of 2020 doesn't mean you can't get the strength to stop because I believe in you and you definitely can! And to anyone reading this with many more years or months of clean time under their belt than me, what's something that has helped you moving into the year + clean time stay on top of your shit and find a healthy balance of continuing your recovery but not dwelling on it too much? Also you are amazing and an inspiration to everyone on this forum!
Well let me wrap up my typical dissertation lmao. I really love all y'all and even though my posting on here became more sporadic the busier I've gotten, I still see this forum as my "recovery community" and the help you guys have given me both inadvertantly and directly is so precious to me and I will never take it for granted. Y'all are the best; here's to a clean, happy and successful 2020 for all of us!! 💜
|
kollaps3
| 10 | 0 | 38 |
2020-01-02 19:05:54
|
OpiatesRecovery
|
Hey y'all! Hope everyone's 2020 is getting off to a good start. I worked an 11 hour shift on new year's eve, made the most money I ever had in a single shift, and had an existential crisis and cried on the drive home while listening to old punk songs that I loved circa 2009-11. Good times. I had to open the next day which sucks since our last big party were total pieces of shit and didn't leave until 11pm even though we closed at 10pm and ordinances legitimately prevent us from having patrons inside the restaurant after 10.30pm (we're BYOB so the state has really strict laws about operating hours since no liquor license) so I got like maybe 3 hours of sleep then went back to work for another 9 hour shift. I was so fucking exhausted yesterday and if I'd have known how busy it was going to be I swear I would've stayed in bed. I think we all would've lol, my cashier was swamped with delivery orders and angry drivers, my kitchen manager was off the day before and isn't usually and was furious with the sous chef for barely doing any prep the day before, we were so short staffed that the dishie, who has been on prep for a while but she's still learning grill and garde, was thrown on the line for the first time 20+ tickets deep for at least 6 hours straight, my manager had to hop on grill (you KNOW its bad when a foh person has to do boh lol) and I had a FULL dining room like at least 30 covers at all times and hosting, bussing and running duties were all on me as well as anything else pertaining to serving dine in covers, and all this on 3 hours of sleep (my manager only slept 4 hours as well)... there were multiple points where her and I looked at each other and weren't sure whether to burst out laughing or burst into tears lmao. It had been a really long time since I'd been in the weeds like that but we all made it through miraculously with zero mistakes on any orders, we closed early thank God so I got out of there at like 4.45, got a lyft home, ordered pizza and then passed out at 8.30pm and slept until 10.30am. Overall im exhausted right now and am so glad I have nothing to do today. When I think about this time a year ago, I remember how I was literally praying that I would be clean for the next new year. I also realized that this will be the first full decade of my life without using any full agonist opiates. Ofc 94-00 I didn't use because I was a small child, but I did my first ever prescription opiate pill in 08 and by 09 would buy them whenever I came across them. 10-19 ofc i used for at least 50% of that time and was strung out for at least 4 years total. Kicking dope was still to this day truly the hardest thing I've ever had to do, harder than doing two group projects meant for 5 people each by myself then winging the presentation on 4 hours of sleep and still getting As, harder than working 4 12 hour shifts back to back, the only thing I think it could possibly be compared to is dealing with some of the abusive relationships I've been in (which makes sense considering brain functions pertaining to that are similar to those used with opiate addiction). Im sure I've mentioned this on here before, but when R and I first kicked, pretty much 100% of my mind believed it was "just for show," just so we could say we "tried," and that we would be taking the el up to the Northside within 48 hours to go cop again. But somehow, some way, it stuck. That feeling of the first few days without heroin is one I will never forget. My car getting impounded was definitely a catalyst for me to actually stick to it (I like to joke that instead of me going to jail getting me clean, my car going to jail did 😭) and I remember taking a Lyft to the parking authority, finally listening to music again after months without it, beginning of spring air blowing through the window, and looking out onto my city without my eyes being clouded by heroin for the first time in over 2 years and finally started seeing all the possibilities and opportunities that could arise to me if I wasn't a junkie. Now here I am nearly 9 months later and my life contains things that I only dreamed about this time last year. I have over $1000 saved, I'm enrolled in school, I'm productive and happy and can take care of myself and my home and my dogs and even help out those close to me if they need it, and I actually like my life. I really never ever ever thought I'd be able to say these things and although 8.5 months is a while, it's also not much time at all, but there definitely have been plenty of instances where life was testing me but through altering the way my mind deals with and sees bad emotions and getting rid of my "spinning the wheel" tendencies I think that, as long as I stay vigilant and dedicated to bettering myself and my life, I can keep it up. How was everyone else's new year's? I think for me out of all the holidays new year's can be the most triggering (like the pressure to "do" something or get fucked up) so im really glad I was working and out of an environment where I could fall prey to temptation. If anyone is reading this and newly clean still feeling like total shit, ringing in the new year dope sick is an awesome start to this decade and hang in there because even though your mind feels like its eating itself alive I promise it will pass and it's all worth it! To anyone whos still using and reading this, new year's is just a date and doesn't really matter as much as people say it does so if you're still getting high and want to quit just because you used in the beginning of 2020 doesn't mean you can't get the strength to stop because I believe in you and you definitely can! And to anyone reading this with many more years or months of clean time under their belt than me, what's something that has helped you moving into the year + clean time stay on top of your shit and find a healthy balance of continuing your recovery but not dwelling on it too much? Also you are amazing and an inspiration to everyone on this forum! Well let me wrap up my typical dissertation lmao. I really love all y'all and even though my posting on here became more sporadic the busier I've gotten, I still see this forum as my "recovery community" and the help you guys have given me both inadvertantly and directly is so precious to me and I will never take it for granted. Y'all are the best; here's to a clean, happy and successful 2020 for all of us!! 💜
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
positive
| true | 0 |
epd6ef
|
I feel like I’m white knuckling
|
0
|
rant
| 1 |
I go to meetings 3-5 times a week. I practice rigorous honestly. I try on a daily basis to not get wrapped in self, and focus on others. I only have about 70 days clean. But I have this deep down feeling that my relapse is inevitable. I just needs some words of wisdom. I’m only 20 and I don’t want my life to be defined by my alcoholism. Sorry if this sounds like a lot of self pity rant.
|
TrendyLeanSipper
| 1 | 0 | 21 |
2020-01-16 02:59:46
|
alcoholicsanonymous
|
<efs>I feel like I’m white knuckling<efe> <es>I go to meetings 3-5 times a week.<ee> <es>I practice rigorous honestly.<es> <es>I try on a daily basis to not get wrapped in self, and focus on others.<ee> <es>I only have about 70 days clean.<ee> <efs>But I have this deep down feeling that my relapse is inevitable.<efe> <es>I just needs some words of wisdom.<ee> <rs>I’m only 20 and I don’t want my life to be defined by my alcoholism.<re>Sorry if this sounds like a lot of self pity rant.
| 2 | 2 | 1 | null | null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what will help you stop your alcohol addiction
| null | true | 221 |
ejfcj2
|
Oi does your BPD reflect your music choices ?
|
0
|
survey
| 1 |
I go from cigarettes after sex to amity affliction, bloc party to korn, crystal castles to RÜFÜS, MY PLAYLIST IS BPD HAHAHHAHAHAHA
|
Ohpickle94
| 7 | 0 | 32 |
2020-01-03 13:23:16
|
BPD
|
I go from cigarettes after sex to amity affliction, bloc party to korn, crystal castles to RÜFÜS, MY PLAYLIST IS BPD HAHAHHAHAHAHA
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 0 |
ei99dx
|
i just relapsed after being clean for almost six years
|
1a
|
rant
| 1 |
i used to cut myself very frequently in my early teens. stopped when i was 15. january 16th is supposed to be my six year anniversary being clean. i just relapsed. not sure why not. i feel very... comforted. i know what i did was wrong but at least my panic attack went away.
PS. im not seeking support. i have a therapist, friends, and a s/o to lean on. this has been on my mind for two months and i felt like it was inevitable. and it was. i’m just venting.
|
bleucarebear
| 1 | 0 | 11 |
2019-12-31 21:39:39
|
BPD
|
<es>i used to cut myself very frequently in my early teens. stopped when i was 15.<ee> <es>january 16th is supposed to be my six year anniversary being clean.<ee> <es>i just relapsed.<ee> <es>not sure why not.<ee> <efs>i feel very... comforted.<efe> <es>i know what i did was wrong but at least my panic attack went away. <ee> <es>PS. im not seeking support. i have a therapist, friends, and a s/o to lean on.<re> <es>this has been on my mind for two months and i felt like it was inevitable.<ee> and it was. <rs>i’m just venting.<re>
| 2 | 1 | 2 | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how harming yourself makes you feel
| null | null | null | true | 212 |
exnmh5
|
How do I help my friend/convince her to leave? (long post, sorry :) )
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 2 |
Hi, I have a question about stalkers, need some opinions on a situation…
My best friend is being stalked by her ex. They broke up over a year ago. About 4 months ago she got a restraining order.
He’s been bypassing it in various ways, following her, manipulating her daughter through other people, etc… All in ways hard to prove to the police so it just keeps continuing… He’s obsessed with her 6 year old daughter, its creepy. (Got her pic as his facebook profile even) – It’s not his kid. He’s a 51 year old biker drug addict obsessed with a 6 year old girl and her mom. She’s 37.
She’s bipolar and has been very stable for a long time until this stuff started, this is causing some serious issues, breaking her down, rapid cycling, even suicidal thoughts… Isolated herself from everyone, shut down her facebook entirely, etc.
What’s worse, is she is a gun owner, but because of how she’s felt mentally she gave her gun to her family, which means she doesn’t have proper protection.
I want to help her, but I’m on an island 2000 miles away (moved away 11 year ago).
In my opinion, she should move out here for a year or so. I’m a longtime friend of her family, known her since she was a kid, she knows she’s safe here and stuff (I’m one of her closest friends). I’m on a beautiful island, and every inch of my property is covered by security cameras. It’s very safe/secure here.
Her stress would go away, her bipolar would calm down, she could go back to being happy and mentally healthy. She’d go home in a much better mental and financial state. Even she knows that would be the result of coming…
Only thing keeping her from doing it, is she fears that it wouldn’t matter, that when she goes back, he’s just going to be there waiting, and then her restraining order stuff would have to start over again and she’d have to go through even more of the process.
Asshole has her conditioned into thinking she needs to accept he’s always going to be part of her life, that she’ll never be able to make him go away. (I disagree) … She points at his ex, previous to her… He still bugs her from time to time, finds ways to get involved with her life… His previous ex has just given up and accepted he won’t go away… I don’t think that’s the right way to deal with this shit.
I think if she came here for a year or so, and went back at a random time down the road, and severed ties with anyone connecting him to her, got a job at a different place, new place to live… He probably wouldn’t know she was back, and enough time would pass that hopefully his attention will have shifted to something else so he wouldn’t even be looking at that point.
I’m worried if she doesn’t get some distance, get to a safe place that things are just going to go one of 2 ways, he’s either going to escalate till she/her daughter get hurt, or she’s going to give up and accept he’s never going to go away, which is going to fuck with her bipolar endlessly, shutting her down in many ways.
&#x200B;
How do I convince her my idea is way better than staying and dealing with it hoping it gets better?
&#x200B;
Any other suggestions? I hate being so far away, basically helpless outside of offering to get her out of the situation.
Appreciate any input! Thanks!
|
ElmoTheDestroyer
| 1 | 0 | 4 |
2020-02-02 12:15:52
|
domesticviolence
|
Hi, I have a question about stalkers, need some opinions on a situation… <es>My best friend is being stalked by her ex.<ee> <es>They broke up over a year ago.<ee> <es>About 4 months ago she got a restraining order.<ee> <es>He’s been bypassing it in various ways, following her, manipulating her daughter through other people, etc…<ee> <es>All in ways hard to prove to the police so it just keeps continuing…<ee> <es> He’s obsessed with her 6 year old daughter, its creepy. <ee> <es>(Got her pic as his facebook profile even) – It’s not his kid. <ee> <es>He’s a 51 year old biker drug addict obsessed with a 6 year old girl and her mom.<ee> <es> She’s 37.<ee> <es>She’s bipolar and has been very stable for a long time until this stuff started, this is causing some serious issues, breaking her down, rapid cycling, even suicidal thoughts… Isolated herself from everyone, shut down her facebook entirely, etc. <ee> <es>What’s worse, is she is a gun owner, but because of how she’s felt mentally she gave her gun to her family, which means she doesn’t have proper protection.<ee> <es>I want to help her, but I’m on an island 2000 miles away (moved away 11 year ago).<ee> <es>In my opinion, she should move out here for a year or so. <ee> <es>I’m a longtime friend of her family, known her since she was a kid, she knows she’s safe here and stuff (I’m one of her closest friends).<ee> <es> I’m on a beautiful island, and every inch of my property is covered by security cameras. <ee> <es>It’s very safe/secure here. <ee> <es>Her stress would go away, her bipolar would calm down, she could go back to being happy and mentally healthy.<ee> <es> She’d go home in a much better mental and financial state.<ee> <es> Even she knows that would be the result of coming…<ee> <es>Only thing keeping her from doing it, is she fears that it wouldn’t matter, that when she goes back, he’s just going to be there waiting, and then her restraining order stuff would have to start over again and she’d have to go through even more of the process. <ee> <es>Asshole has her conditioned into thinking she needs to accept he’s always going to be part of her life, that she’ll never be able to make him go away.<ee> <es>(I disagree) … She points at his ex, previous to her… He still bugs her from time to time, finds ways to get involved with her life… His previous ex has just given up and accepted he won’t go away… I don’t think that’s the right way to deal with this shit.<ee> <es>I think if she came here for a year or so, and went back at a random time down the road, and severed ties with anyone connecting him to her, got a job at a different place, new place to live… He probably wouldn’t know she was back, and enough time would pass that hopefully his attention will have shifted to something else so he wouldn’t even be looking at that point.<ee> <efs>I’m worried if she doesn’t get some distance, get to a safe place that things are just going to go one of 2 ways, he’s either going to escalate till she/her daughter get hurt, or she’s going to give up and accept he’s never going to go away, which is going to fuck with her bipolar endlessly, shutting her down in many ways.<efe> &#x200B; <rs>How do I convince her my idea is way better than staying and dealing with it hoping it gets better? <re> &#x200B; <rs>Any other suggestions? <re> <efs>I hate being so far away, basically helpless outside of offering to get her out of the situation.<efe> Appreciate any input! Thanks!
| 2 | 2 | 2 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
em5z3z
|
DTs
|
1a
|
rant
| 3 |
I am almost on day 3 of being sober. I had all the consequences in the world: lost marriage, lost my house, filed bankruptcy, multiple arrests, and nothing could do it for me. Yesterday I ended up in the ER. I started feeling... strange? So I called my mother and by the time she got to me I was in a full blown panic. Got to the hospital and passed out. my blood pressure was apparently 190/160 and heart rate 200. I came to in the room and was seeing the texture in the walls moving. They gave me some meds in an IV and asked how much I usually drank. Told me this was DTs (I told them they had to be wrong, I am only 28, this must be food poisoning. Because to me that made sense at the time).
They gave me more Ativan and sent me with my mother. I woke up in the middle of the night covered in sweat and was hearing a woman talking to me on speaker phone. My mom came in my room as apparently I had been shouting and told me that no one was talking on my phone and she sat with me until I fell back asleep.
So I guess this is my jumping off point. I thought I would have a few years left before I got the “if you drink again you’ll die” speech but I knew it was coming. I’ve been binge drinking since I was 13 so I guess I got a head start. Part of me is relieved, I no longer have a choice because my next drink could be the end of me. The other part of me is terrified. I don’t know how to be sober. I am going to A.A., my friend from the program took me to the grocery store tonight to help me pick out some healthy food to get my body back in shape (my immune system is now attacking my body due to my liquid diet/not eating, and I’m malnourished). I’m doing 2 meetings a day one in the morning one at night and I found a gym nearby that is for people in recovery.
Hoping this works this time. I’ve tried everything. Medication, inpatient, outpatient, individual therapy, even a witch doctor and energy work. I guess I don’t have much of a choice anymore.
|
GroundbreakingGrade8
| 1 | 0 | 5 |
2020-01-09 06:44:13
|
alcoholicsanonymous
|
<es>I am almost on day 3 of being sober.<ee> <es>I had all the consequences in the world: lost marriage, lost my house, filed bankruptcy, multiple arrests, and nothing could do it for me.<ee> <es>Yesterday I ended up in the ER.<ee> <es>I started feeling... strange?<ee> <es>So I called my mother and by the time she got to me I was in a full blown panic.<ee> <es>Got to the hospital and passed out.<ee> <es>my blood pressure was apparently 190/160 and heart rate 200.<ee> <es>I came to in the room and was seeing the texture in the walls moving.<ee> <es>They gave me some meds in an IV and asked how much I usually drank.<ee> <es>Told me this was DTs (I told them they had to be wrong, I am only 28, this must be food poisoning. Because to me that made sense at the time). <ee> <es>They gave me more Ativan and sent me with my mother.<ee> <es>I woke up in the middle of the night covered in sweat and was hearing a woman talking to me on speaker phone.<ee> <es>My mom came in my room as apparently I had been shouting and told me that no one was talking on my phone and she sat with me until I fell back asleep. <ee> So I guess this is my jumping off point. <es>I thought I would have a few years left before I got the “if you drink again you’ll die” speech but I knew it was coming.<ee> <es>I’ve been binge drinking since I was 13 so I guess I got a head start.<ee> <es>Part of me is relieved, I no longer have a choice because my next drink could be the end of me.<ee> <efs>The other part of me is terrified.<efe> <es>I don’t know how to be sober.<ee> <es>I am going to A.A., my friend from the program took me to the grocery store tonight to help me pick out some healthy food to get my body back in shape (my immune system is now attacking my body due to my liquid diet/not eating, and I’m malnourished).<ee> <es>I’m doing 2 meetings a day one in the morning one at night and I found a gym nearby that is for people in recovery. <ee> <es>Hoping this works this time.<ee> <es>I’ve tried everything.<ee> <es>Medication, inpatient, outpatient, individual therapy, even a witch doctor and energy work.<ee> <es>I guess I don’t have much of a choice anymore.<ee>
| 2 | 0 | 0 | null | null |
How did X make you feel?
|
how did the consequences of your alcohol addiction
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are having health issues due to drinking
| null | true | 200 |
eu3yyi
|
I dont know what to do with my life
|
1a
|
rant
| 2 |
So to start off, I'm a 15 year old male in high school and for the past few years I have been struggling with depression. I only noticed this in high school but i've had it since 5th grade. In my life, I have had to deal with a back stabbing dad who used me and lied to me and my family to get what he wants. Since then, I have felt unloved by family and friends and I feel nothing but emptiness inside. I don't have a girlfriend like all my other friends do and I feel VERY unloved when I see couples in the halls. It reminds me of how lonely I am because the girls in my school aren't my type.
The reason the girls in my school aren't my type is 1: they don't have scottish accents (im a sucker for scottish accents in my women I don't know why i just think they sound heavenly), 2: they all feel the same (although that could be a me problem) and 3: Im not interested in their hobbies (although that could be another me problem since I mainly play video games and watch anime and dont really listen to music or K Pop)
I have tried other hobbies like playing an instrument, but I have found they are really boring.
So these last few months I have been going to a therapist to talk about the damages my dad caused on me emotionally as a little kid that still haunt me to this day. About a week ago during my first class of the day, I started having images of me in my room with the lights off, hanging from the ceiling of my room on a dark and rainy day. My mind couldn't handle this thought since I've never wanted to kill myself before (and I still don't at the time of this post), so this thought had me nearly crying for the first two classes of the day. I had to hide my tears from others as I barely paid attention to the teacher and what he was teaching (He was teaching Science). It reminded me that I have felt unloved for years after elementary. When therapy rolled around that day, I told the therapist about my thought process that day.
She told me it would be best if she called my mom and had me take a break from school. I took that break and it has never felt so relaxing. The thought of hanging myself was no more. Like Eminiem once said in a song of his called "Lose Yourself", " You only get one shot. Do not miss your chance. This oppurtunity comes once in a lifetime". That is where I stand on my life so far. I just don't know what I can do with it to make me love myself. If you have any inspirational videos about loving yourself, or anything you could say to suggest things to do about it, please tell me!
|
Easiestcc
| 1 | 0 | 5 |
2020-01-26 07:55:29
|
selfhelp
|
<es>So to start off, I'm a 15 year old male in high school and for the past few years I have been struggling with depression.<ee> <es>I only noticed this in high school but i've had it since 5th grade.<ee> <es>In my life, I have had to deal with a back stabbing dad who used me and lied to me and my family to get what he wants.<ee> <efs>Since then, I have felt unloved by family and friends and I feel nothing but emptiness inside.<efe> <efs>I don't have a girlfriend like all my other friends do and I feel VERY unloved when I see couples in the halls.<efe> <es>It reminds me of how lonely I am because the girls in my school aren't my type. <ee> <es>The reason the girls in my school aren't my type is 1: they don't have scottish accents (im a sucker for scottish accents in my women I don't know why i just think they sound heavenly), 2: they all feel the same (although that could be a me problem) and 3: Im not interested in their hobbies (although that could be another me problem since I mainly play video games and watch anime and dont really listen to music or K Pop)<ee> <efs>I have tried other hobbies like playing an instrument, but I have found they are really boring. <efe> <es>So these last few months I have been going to a therapist to talk about the damages my dad caused on me emotionally as a little kid that still haunt me to this day.<ee> <es>About a week ago during my first class of the day, I started having images of me in my room with the lights off, hanging from the ceiling of my room on a dark and rainy day.<ee> <es>My mind couldn't handle this thought since I've never wanted to kill myself before (and I still don't at the time of this post), so this thought had me nearly crying for the first two classes of the day.<ee> <es>I had to hide my tears from others as I barely paid attention to the teacher and what he was teaching (He was teaching Science). It reminded me that I have felt unloved for years after elementary.<ee> <es>When therapy rolled around that day, I told the therapist about my thought process that day.<ee> <es>She told me it would be best if she called my mom and had me take a break from school.<ee> <efs>I took that break and it has never felt so relaxing.<efe> <es>The thought of hanging myself was no more.<ee> Like Eminiem once said in a song of his called "Lose Yourself", " You only get one shot. Do not miss your chance. This oppurtunity comes once in a lifetime". <es>That is where I stand on my life so far.<ee> <es>I just don't know what I can do with it to make me love myself.<ee> <rs>If you have any inspirational videos about loving yourself, or anything you could say to suggest things to do about it, please tell me!<re>
| 2 | 2 | 2 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
eqymwp
|
Day 3 withdrawals looking for advice
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
Been though this more times than I care to admit. They are mild this time but still major body aches and no energy. I’ve taken kratom in the past but really don’t want to prolong this at all so I guess I just need some reassurance that yes taking kratom is a bad idea lol
|
sippinanthrax
| 1 | 0 | 9 |
2020-01-19 16:46:11
|
OpiatesRecovery
|
<es>Day 3 withdrawals looking for advice<ee> <es>Been though this more times than I care to admit.<ee> <efs>They are mild this time but still major body aches and no energy.<efe> <es>I’ve taken kratom in the past but really don’t want to prolong this at all<ee> so <rs>I guess I just need some reassurance that yes taking kratom is a bad idea lol<re>
| 1 | 2 | 2 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what caused the withdrawls
| null | null | null | null | null | true | 122 |
ems9dj
|
Rambled monologue of self-doubt and hate because of what happened
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 2 |
I was on a night out with some friends at the end of last year and I ended up taking multiple strong painkillers and not eating after injuring myself getting ready. I'd bought a new outfit and everything so I REALLY wanted to go out, so I trooped on through the pain and didn't even think about eating. So then I ended up drinking way too much, or maybe it was just the painkillers and empty stomach because I don't remember drinking more than usual.
I started having blackouts, and not just brief but I remember NOTHING from the times in them, and all I know is that I saw a guy friend from college. Then I remember nothing at all, and then I think that I was kissing him, and then I don't remember anything again until I was alone with him in an alleyway and his penis was in me, and I've been blaming myself. Because I remember having to figure out where I was and what was going on. I remember not liking it, and then briefly nothing and then I remember orally trying to finish him off because I wanted him to stop and at the time I thought it was my only out.
I keep blaming myself, because I drank too much, because I shouldn't have gone out at all with an injury and on painkillers you really aren't meant to drink with, because I used to like him and I must have drunkenly come onto him but I don't remember it. I don't know if he was drunk too but I assume he was, so can I even be raped if we were both too drunk? Except I was drunker than I have ever been, the blackouts were so bad every time I came to during the night I felt as though I'd been unconscious and just woken up even though I know that wasn't the case. I just don't know how to feel and I blame myself. Why do I have this stupid instinct that says I shouldn't say anything because it might ruin his friendships. Or maybe it'll mean I lose friends and I'm scared.
I guess this is just a rant post because I guess I'm just processing my emotions and I don't know where to go from here. Thanks for listening, whoever did.
|
idkhowtofeel123
| 1 | 0 | 3 |
2020-01-10 15:14:18
|
rapecounseling
|
<es>I was on a night out with some friends at the end of last year and I ended up taking multiple strong painkillers and not eating after injuring myself getting ready.<ee> <es>I'd bought a new outfit and everything so I REALLY wanted to go out, so I trooped on through the pain and didn't even think about eating.<ee> <es>So then I ended up drinking way too much, or maybe it was just the painkillers and empty stomach because I don't remember drinking more than usual. <ee> <es>I started having blackouts, and not just brief but I remember NOTHING from the times in them, and all I know is that I saw a guy friend from college.<ee> <es>Then I remember nothing at all, and then I think that I was kissing him, and then I don't remember anything again until I was alone with him in an alleyway and his penis was in me, and I've been blaming myself.<ee> <es>Because I remember having to figure out where I was and what was going on.<ee> <es>I remember not liking it, and then briefly nothing and then I remember orally trying to finish him off because I wanted him to stop and at the time I thought it was my only out. <ee> <es>I keep blaming myself, because I drank too much, because I shouldn't have gone out at all with an injury and on painkillers you really aren't meant to drink with, because I used to like him and I must have drunkenly come onto him but I don't remember it.<ee> <es>I don't know if he was drunk too but I assume he was, so can I even be raped if we were both too drunk?<ee> <es>Except I was drunker than I have ever been, the blackouts were so bad every time I came to during the night I felt as though I'd been unconscious and just woken up even though I know that wasn't the case.<ee> <efs> I just don't know how to feel and I blame myself.<efe> <efs>Why do I have this stupid instinct that says I shouldn't say anything because it might ruin his friendships. <efe><efs>Or maybe it'll mean I lose friends and I'm scared. <efe> <rs>I guess this is just a rant post because I guess I'm just processing my emotions and I don't know where to go from here.<re> Thanks for listening, whoever did.
| 2 | 2 | 1 | null | null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
you blame yourself for the incident
| null | true | 221 |
ejaba6
|
I feel like I'm at my lowest point
|
1a
|
rant
| 2 |
this is my first post on reddit and im on mobile so I'm sorry if this is messy. I'm just really desperate for someone to understand. if i broke any rules I'm really sorry, I did read them i promise I'm just not the smartest. sorry for my terrible grammar also, it's very late at night as usual for me.
tws (all mentions, nothing graphic): csa, self harm and suicide ideation.
My ptsd stems from csa and i was diagnosed late last year. I was the hospital at the end of 2018 for suicidal thoughts and I began remembering parts of my abuse. I have frequent nightmares and insomnia despite taking sleeping pills. I'm also in my last year of high school doing it online because of facing racism at my local school but that isn't important haha....
because I'm at home alone all day every week I'm left alone with my thoughts and have given up on trying to do schoolwork, and even just basic things that people need to do and i feel pathetic. the memories are so crippling that I've begun to self harm, and I've never done that before. I am in therapy but I'm just barely functioning. My parents even said they notice but don't do anything. I just wish someone could understand. I feel pathetic. I wanna run away from all this, even just for a week.
|
2pidity
| 4 | 0 | 1 |
2020-01-03 04:38:56
|
ptsd
|
this is my first post on reddit and im on mobile so I'm sorry if this is messy. <rs>I'm just really desperate for someone to understand.<re> if i broke any rules I'm really sorry, I did read them i promise I'm just not the smartest. sorry for my terrible grammar also, it's very late at night as usual for me. <es>tws (all mentions, nothing graphic): csa, self harm and suicide ideation.<ee> <es>My ptsd stems from csa and i was diagnosed late last year.<ee> <eS>I was the hospital at the end of 2018 for suicidal thoughts and I began remembering parts of my abuse.<ee> <efs>I have frequent nightmares and insomnia despite taking sleeping pills.<efe> <e>I'm also in my last year of high school doing it online because of facing racism at my local school but that isn't important haha....<ee> <es>because I'm at home alone all day every week I'm left alone with my thoughts and have given up on trying to do schoolwork, and even just basic things that people need to do and i feel pathetic.<ee> the memories are so crippling that I've begun to self harm, and I've never done that before. I am in therapy but I'm just barely functioning. My parents even said they notice but don't do anything. I just wish someone could understand. I feel pathetic. I wanna run away from all this, even just for a week.
| 2 | 2 | 0 | null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
your haing frequent nightmares
| null | true | 220 |
eni5t8
|
Clean 28 days, longest in 7 years. When will my body regulate temperature again? Brrrr.
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
I’m still having a lot of trouble regulating my body temperature. I go back to work on Monday and am worried about the freezing air conditioning! I am constantly wrapped up even though it’s the middle of summer where I live. How long before I am not covered in goosebumps? Thought this would have stopped by now considering the other withdrawal symptoms have dissipated.
|
teamsleep
| 1 | 0 | 25 |
2020-01-12 03:24:33
|
OpiatesRecovery
|
<es>Clean 28 days, longest in 7 years.<ee> <rs>When will my body regulate temperature again?<re> Brrrr. <es>I’m still having a lot of trouble regulating my body temperature.<ee> <efs>I go back to work on Monday and am worried about the freezing air conditioning!<efe> <efs>I am constantly wrapped up even though it’s the middle of summer where I live.<efe> <rs>How long before I am not covered in goosebumps?<re> <es>Thought this would have stopped by now considering the other withdrawal symptoms have dissipated.<ee>
| 1 | 2 | 2 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what you are clean from
| null | null | null | null | null | true | 122 |
f6zq6d
|
Any resources out there that aim to keep track of current solutions to emotional pain / depression etc?
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
I've had my world blasted open recently by how little I know about my depression / emotional pain. I had no idea there was a whole area around the identification, understanding, and healthy processing of mental illness / emotional pain and I want to know as much as I can so I can work to beat this fucking thing.
Been looking into talks by people like 'Johann Hari' (his Ted talk - This could be why you're depressed or anxious)[ https://www.ted.com/talks/johann_hari_this_could_be_why_you_re_depressed_or_anxious#t-1219477] and Guy Winch (his Ted talk - How to practice emotional first aid)[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2hc2FLOdhI]
And it seems like there's a start on identifying the reasons why depression occurs and how to fix it outside of medication (which i'm on currently), but also how to learn emotional control and emotional healing.
For someone looking to learn more about this area and create a 'program' of sorts that I can use to sort my depression and learn how to heal from emotional pain, does anyone know of any resource that's listing the most recent thoughts on the above and the ways you can work on them?
Thank you
|
Dreamingofren
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
2020-02-20 21:04:53
|
getting_over_it
|
<es>I've had my world blasted open recently by how little I know about my depression / emotional pain.<ee> <es>I had no idea there was a whole area around the identification, understanding, and healthy processing of mental illness / emotional pain.<ee> <rs>I want to know as much as I can so I can work to beat this fucking thing.<re> Been looking into talks by people like 'Johann Hari' (his Ted talk - This could be why you're depressed or anxious)[ https://www.ted.com/talks/johann_hari_this_could_be_why_you_re_depressed_or_anxious#t-1219477] and Guy Winch (his Ted talk - How to practice emotional first aid)[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2hc2FLOdhI] <rs>And it seems like there's a start on identifying the reasons why depression occurs and how to fix it outside of medication (which i'm on currently), but also how to learn emotional control and emotional healing. <re> <rs>For someone looking to learn more about this area and create a 'program' of sorts that I can use to sort my depression and learn how to heal from emotional pain, does anyone know of any resource that's listing the most recent thoughts on the above and the ways you can work on them?<re> Thank you
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
depression and emotional pain
|
How did X make you feel?
|
the depression
| null | null | null | true | 102 |
ele56i
|
I watch Steven universe when I’m sad so I can watch lapis lazuli. She is the most relatable person in my opinion who has been through hardship and heartbreak. Which caused her to also cause pain to others. But she is growing and though she isn’t perfect. She tries to not hurt or be hurt anymore.
|
0
|
chitchat
| 1 | null |
mymoodsometimes
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-07 16:55:00
|
sad
|
<es>I watch Steven universe when I’m sad so I can watch lapis lazuli.<ee> She is the most relatable person in my opinion who has been through hardship and heartbreak. Which caused her to also cause pain to others. But she is growing and though she isn’t perfect. She tries to not hurt or be hurt anymore. nan
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
eidve3
|
Finally home with blades and razors but I’m hesitant to ruin my clean streak
|
0
|
rant
| 1 |
I really want to but I’ll probably regret it. 18 days clean. Ugh I hate this
|
anonanymonysoumys
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-01 04:22:16
|
selfharm
|
<es>Finally home with blades and razors but I’m hesitant to ruin my clean streak<ee> <es>I really want to but I’ll probably regret it.<ee> <es> 18 days clean.<ee> <efs>Ugh I hate this<efe>
| 1 | 1 | 0 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you want to cut yourself
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how did being clean for 18 days make you feel
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are feeling the urge to cut again
| null | true | 110 |
eknrbd
|
Needing advice
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
Hello, I'm a 20 year old female, I won't go into detail specifically but I've been raped 3 times, by 3 different men. My ages at those times were 10, 15, and 17. I am sharing this as I don't know what to do anymore, I am engaged to a wonderful woman that I love with all my heart and she is a very understanding person, who cares so much and truly does try to help me as much as possible.
I suffer from PTSD, I have flashbacks very often, sometimes they are triggered by something and other times they are random. When I have these flashbacks, I'm out back into a situation where I am being abused and hurt very badly. It feels as though it is actually happening again and I can't see anything in reality.
I am explaining this as whenever my fiance and I make love it's hard for me to get out of my head. Then sometimes when I orgasim I end up having flashbacks almost every single time and I don't know what to do. My fiance said it's like my mind is punishing me for feeling good.
I was wondering if anyone else has struggled with this?
|
LaceyTheSnarkyShark
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-06 03:02:04
|
ptsd
|
<es>Hello, I'm a 20 year old female, I won't go into detail specifically but I've been raped 3 times, by 3 different men.<ee> <es>My ages at those times were 10, 15, and 17. <ee> <es>I am sharing this as I don't know what to do anymore, I am engaged to a wonderful woman that I love with all my heart and she is a very understanding person, who cares so much and truly does try to help me as much as possible. <ee> <es>I suffer from PTSD, I have flashbacks very often, sometimes they are triggered by something and other times they are random.<ee> <efs>When I have these flashbacks, I'm out back into a situation where I am being abused and hurt very badly.<efe> <efs>It feels as though it is actually happening again and I can't see anything in reality. <efe> <es>I am explaining this as whenever my fiance and I make love it's hard for me to get out of my head.<ee> <es>Then sometimes when I orgasim I end up having flashbacks almost every single time and I don't know what to do.<ee> <es>My fiance said it's like my mind is punishing me for feeling good. <ee> <rs>I was wondering if anyone else has struggled with this?<re>
| 2 | 2 | 2 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
eisdld
|
Started the MAID application process.
|
1c
|
chitchat
| 1 |
I live in Canada. I started the application process for medical assistance in dying. It was nice to finally receive an intelligible response to "I really want to die." as oppose to the usual parroted phrases and hollow cheerleading.
&#x200B;
Not sure that I will go through with it tbh, but I hope that I do. Getting two witness signatures seems like the only real obstacle here.
|
AmongAllOf
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-02 03:10:26
|
addiction
|
I live in Canada. I started the application process for medical assistance in dying. It was nice to finally receive an intelligible response to "I really want to die." as oppose to the usual parroted phrases and hollow cheerleading. &#x200B; Not sure that I will go through with it tbh, but I hope that I do. Getting two witness signatures seems like the only real obstacle here.
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 0 |
eivihl
|
Acceptance and living life on life’s terms isn’t easy until you’re ready
|
0
|
chitchat
| 2 |
Thank you for being part of this sub.
I accept I wanted the people around me to live their life how I needed them to. My Mum was the main person I wanted to change. She was born an alcoholic and died one, this I accept now. There would be a short time every day that she was the version of herself that I needed, wanted. This was a gift. I wanted what I thought my Mum should be and as a child that’s ok. As an adult blaming her for what she couldn’t be was futile.
The people around me in adulthood I thought should be the version of themselves I wanted, needed too. Often it was people without a strong foundation who didn’t know who they were so they would pretend to be what I wanted and easily abandon that when they got tired of playing a part. I also felt they abandoned me because I was incapable of looking after myself. I had no clue who I was, no solid foundation and I wasn’t prepared nor capable of looking after myself.
Today I accept where I was wrong. People are who they are, it’s only myself I can work on. As a child my basic needs were not met so it’s up to me to meet them now. I did grow up in chaotic abusive violence however from this I can learn peace, kindness and calm.
I finally accepted the God of my understanding which brought me this acceptance. I couldn’t do this any sooner than now, this too I accept.
Thank you for listening.
IWNDWYT
|
thatluckyfox
| 1 | 0 | 8 |
2020-01-02 08:11:28
|
alcoholicsanonymous
|
Thank you for being part of this sub. I accept I wanted the people around me to live their life how I needed them to. My Mum was the main person I wanted to change. She was born an alcoholic and died one, this I accept now. There would be a short time every day that she was the version of herself that I needed, wanted. This was a gift. I wanted what I thought my Mum should be and as a child that’s ok. As an adult blaming her for what she couldn’t be was futile. The people around me in adulthood I thought should be the version of themselves I wanted, needed too. Often it was people without a strong foundation who didn’t know who they were so they would pretend to be what I wanted and easily abandon that when they got tired of playing a part. I also felt they abandoned me because I was incapable of looking after myself. I had no clue who I was, no solid foundation and I wasn’t prepared nor capable of looking after myself. Today I accept where I was wrong. People are who they are, it’s only myself I can work on. As a child my basic needs were not met so it’s up to me to meet them now. I did grow up in chaotic abusive violence however from this I can learn peace, kindness and calm. I finally accepted the God of my understanding which brought me this acceptance. I couldn’t do this any sooner than now, this too I accept. Thank you for listening. IWNDWYT
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 0 |
eicdc7
|
What am i missing?
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
No, what am i missing? Something vital is missing, but i don't know what. No matter what i do, hoｗ successful i am, how pretty i am, how smart i am, how happy i am, there's always something missing. There's always this void inside of me that i can't seem to get rid of. But for what? I should be happy to be as blessed and lucky as i am.
Tomorrow i could cure cancer and destroy world hunger, but there would still be this nagging void inside of me, this emptiness that tells me that i'm missing something vital.
Is it my lack of identity? There are times where I believe that I've found myself only to be swept off of my feet by my habitual capriciousness. Honestly I'm beginning to fear that I'll never be truly content with my life.
|
ArdentLearnur
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-01 01:56:00
|
BPD
|
<rs>No, what am i missing?<re> <efs>Something vital is missing, but i don't know what.<efe> <es>No matter what i do, hoｗ successful i am, how pretty i am, how smart i am, how happy i am, there's always something missing.<ee> <efs>There's always this void inside of me that i can't seem to get rid of.<efe> <es>But for what?<ee> <es>I should be happy to be as blessed and lucky as i am. <ee> <es>Tomorrow i could cure cancer and destroy world hunger, but there would still be this nagging void inside of me, this emptiness that tells me that i'm missing something vital.<ee> <rs>Is it my lack of identity?<re> <es>There are times where I believe that I've found myself only to be swept off of my feet by my habitual capriciousness.<ee> <efs>Honestly I'm beginning to fear that I'll never be truly content with my life.<efe>
| 2 | 2 | 1 | null | null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would help you not feel something is missing
| null | true | 221 |
enrlup
|
Tips on developing a thicker skin?
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
Hi! I was wondering if anyone had tips or resources (books, videos) on how to become more resilient to criticism or mean behavior. I recently had a very bad experience with my closest friends and on my work environment, where people were very mean to me and that left a long lasting impact on all aspects of my life. I wouldn't like to be so vulnerable to things I can't control.
|
Pauliebre
| 1 | 0 | 17 |
2020-01-12 18:58:33
|
selfhelp
|
Hi! <rs>I was wondering if anyone had tips or resources (books, videos) on how to become more resilient to criticism or mean behavior.<re> <es>I recently had a very bad experience with my closest friends and on my work environment, where people were very mean to me and that left a long lasting impact on all aspects of my life.<ee> <rs>I wouldn't like to be so vulnerable to things I can't control.<re>
| 2 | 0 | 2 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null |
How did X make you feel?
|
the bad experience with your friend
| null | null | null | true | 202 |
ej5loi
|
I am so tired of wanting to die
|
1a
|
rant
| 1 |
I am so tired of not being able to sleep due to racing suicidal thoughts. I am so fucking tired of hating myself. I am so tired of everything in my life and i want it to all end. I am tired of seeing my partner hurting due to my selfish fucking actions.
I just want to hurt myself so bad, I just want to die and stop the pain I experience on a daily basis. I want my boyfriend to be happy, I want our relationship to thrive and be healthy. But I fucked up and betrayed his trust and now we are both suffering. Everyone thinks I’m a bad person, all his friends hate me and I fucking hate myself too. When will the pain end ? When will it stop ? I’m so tired of being alive.
|
sourukyandi
| 3 | 0 | 4 |
2020-01-02 22:37:46
|
BPD
|
<es>I am so tired of not being able to sleep due to racing suicidal thoughts.<ee> <efs>I am so fucking tired of hating myself.<efe> <efs>I am so tired of everything in my life and i want it to all end.<efe> <efs>I am tired of seeing my partner hurting due to my selfish fucking actions.<efe> <efs>I just want to hurt myself so bad, I just want to die and stop the pain I experience on a daily basis.<efe> <rs>I want my boyfriend to be happy, I want our relationship to thrive and be healthy.<re> <es>But I fucked up and betrayed his trust and now we are both suffering.<ee> <es>Everyone thinks I’m a bad person, all his friends hate me and I fucking hate myself too.<ee> <rs>When will the pain end ?<re> <rs>When will it stop ?<re> <efs>I’m so tired of being alive.<efe>
| 1 | 2 | 1 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you are having suicidal thoughts
| null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what will help you get relief from pain
| null | true | 121 |
eic8nw
|
I have literally tried everything....
|
1a
|
rant
| 2 |
I'm still f&\*ked....never get a drop of 'good news'.....nadda. 'Oh, you're so smart (sure - went to uni - fat lot of good it did me - I'm basically unemployed because of bi-polar and have huge debt), talented (oh yeah? so why does no one buy my sh\*t?!), pretty (okay - so, why in a joke relationship, no kids, no house then?)'.
Why am I such a poor loser?? My destiny? I feel cursed. I was never Christened. BUT this is the year I END the struggle and tears. I'm done waiting for 'brighter days' or a 'stroke of good luck'. Never happens.....I just lose more and more as the years go by. I've now lost my family.
Not that I ever had them - I got moved to Canada from UK at 3.5....and moved 35 times since. Watching the world move ahead of me financially....I'm just a spectator - despite working as hard, if not HARDER than most to 'better my life'. I give up.
Happy f&\*king 2020....I hope it's my last and I finally just suck it up and pull the noose tight enough this time, or push the blade deep enough.....but I'm also thinking Carbon Monoxide - my car already stinks of fumes, & I was told didn't 'need' catalytic converter ie. would help fix problem 'easier' too remove....got thinking.....'yes, take it off'. ;) That will be my request next time I can afford to take car in. I'm already cleaning my car in prep. Don't want to be 'found' in a messy car. :)
|
KylieEmma7
| 1 | 0 | 3 |
2020-01-01 01:43:42
|
depression
|
<es> I'm still f&\*ked....never get a drop of 'good news'.....nadda. 'Oh, you're so smart (sure - went to uni - fat lot of good it did me - I'm basically unemployed because of bi-polar and have huge debt), talented (oh yeah? so why does no one buy my sh\*t?!), pretty (okay - so, why in a joke relationship, no kids, no house then?)'.<ee> Why am I such a poor loser?? My destiny? <efs>I feel cursed.<efe> I was never Christened. <efs> BUT this is the year I END the struggle and tears.<efe> <efs>I'm done waiting for 'brighter days' or a 'stroke of good luck'.<efe> <efs>Never happens.....I just lose more and more as the years go by.<efe> <es>I've now lost my family.<ee> Not that I ever had them - I got moved to Canada from UK at 3.5....and moved 35 times since. <es>Watching the world move ahead of me financially....I'm just a spectator - despite working as hard, if not HARDER than most to 'better my life'.<ee> <efs>I give up.<efe> Happy f&\*king 2020....I hope it's my last and I finally just suck it up and pull the noose tight enough this time, or push the blade deep enough.....but I'm also thinking Carbon Monoxide - my car already stinks of fumes, & I was told didn't 'need' catalytic converter ie. would help fix problem 'easier' too remove....got thinking.....'yes, take it off'. ;) That will be my request next time I can afford to take car in. I'm already cleaning my car in prep. Don't want to be 'found' in a messy car. :)
| 2 | 2 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
so exhausted of life
|
suicidal
| true | 220 |
enrnpy
|
Handling stress?
|
1a
|
survey
| 1 |
Hey all!
I’m just wondering how you all cope with stress in recovery ?
I’m in a really stressful situation with work at the moment and I am struggling to keep myself together. I haven’t had any urges to use etc although I did get so drunk I past out on Friday and ending up going to the ER as my other half was so worried I’d OD’d as I don’t usually drink. I need something to help me deal with stress that doesn’t involve pharmaceuticals.
Any thoughts?
👏🏻
|
corbett21
| 1 | 0 | 7 |
2020-01-12 19:02:15
|
OpiatesRecovery
|
Hey all! <rs>I’m just wondering how you all cope with stress in recovery ?<re> <es>I’m in a really stressful situation with work at the moment and I am struggling to keep myself together.<ee> <es>I haven’t had any urges to use etc although I did get so drunk I past out on Friday and ending up going to the ER as my other half was so worried I’d OD’d as I don’t usually drink.<ee> <rs>I need something to help me deal with stress that doesn’t involve pharmaceuticals. <re> <rs>Any thoughts?<re>
| 2 | 0 | 2 | null | null |
How did X make you feel?
|
all the stress
| null | null | null | true | 202 |
el57c7
|
What was one life brightening epiphany in your situation?
|
0
|
survey
| 2 |
I figured this thread could use a big encouraging step and some good vibes to make people feel happy, so I had a good open question in hopes of others reading this thread to discover things that would improve their lives in some sense.
Believe it or not, this came recently from watching South Park. One of the episodes delved into mental illnesses (as they usually do) but they were surprisingly serious and careful with it. There were thousands of comments from strangers all over the world saying how much they loved those one off characters, how sweet and cute they were, how they were loved, people educating themselves on these illnesses, and just how many people's perspective a dumb TV show could change.
A few episodes further it was discussed how traumatic incidents change people forever, how no one may never be the same after such incidents. It showed different kinds of grief: withdraw, ignoring the incident, pretending things never happened, and the resentment of being different after being put through something so stressful. It also explained how it was okay to cry, to be a changed person, and how connecting with friends can actually heal people. The episodes itself were one thing that made me feel better, but to see thousands of people across the world opening their eyes to something people don't talk about nowadays surprised me. It actually made me realize that it's okay to be a changed person, it's okay to cry, and that I don't have to be ashamed for things I can no longer control.
So, what are some of the funniest (or surprising) ways you've made progress in your situations? Maybe some more helpful tips will pop up, maybe someone who needs to read this will. Just know that not only am I rooting for you, but there are probably tens of thousands of people across the country (or even world) that are understanding of our issues and eager to learn how to make life more comfortable for us.
|
Slipperysteve1998
| 1 | 0 | 3 |
2020-01-07 03:02:37
|
ptsd
|
I figured this thread could use a big encouraging step and some good vibes to make people feel happy, so I had a good open question in hopes of others reading this thread to discover things that would improve their lives in some sense. Believe it or not, this came recently from watching South Park. One of the episodes delved into mental illnesses (as they usually do) but they were surprisingly serious and careful with it. There were thousands of comments from strangers all over the world saying how much they loved those one off characters, how sweet and cute they were, how they were loved, people educating themselves on these illnesses, and just how many people's perspective a dumb TV show could change. A few episodes further it was discussed how traumatic incidents change people forever, how no one may never be the same after such incidents. It showed different kinds of grief: withdraw, ignoring the incident, pretending things never happened, and the resentment of being different after being put through something so stressful. It also explained how it was okay to cry, to be a changed person, and how connecting with friends can actually heal people. The episodes itself were one thing that made me feel better, but to see thousands of people across the world opening their eyes to something people don't talk about nowadays surprised me. It actually made me realize that it's okay to be a changed person, it's okay to cry, and that I don't have to be ashamed for things I can no longer control. So, what are some of the funniest (or surprising) ways you've made progress in your situations? Maybe some more helpful tips will pop up, maybe someone who needs to read this will. Just know that not only am I rooting for you, but there are probably tens of thousands of people across the country (or even world) that are understanding of our issues and eager to learn how to make life more comfortable for us.
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
eiipht
|
Anyone want to talk about cocaine addiction?
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 2 |
Cocaine free for 7 months now was a habitual user was doing about 3.5 grams a day was costing about £200 a day ruined my nose and left me with crippling anxiety and depression. Was involved in supplying cocaine wasn’t until I ‘quit my job’ and wasn’t around cocaine that I was able to actually come away from it tried for a good 6 months to leave it alone and still handle it so to speak.
Would love to hear from people that are going through addiction of any kind especially cocaine addiction? Happy to discuss with anyway :)
|
BD9416
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-01 14:12:12
|
addiction
|
<efs><es>Cocaine free for 7 months now was a habitual user was doing about 3.5 grams a day was costing about £200 a day ruined my nose and left me with crippling anxiety and depression.<ee><efe> <es>Was involved in supplying cocaine wasn’t until I ‘quit my job’ and wasn’t around cocaine that I was able to actually come away from it tried for a good 6 months to leave it alone and still handle it so to speak.<ee> <rs>Would love to hear from people that are going through addiction of any kind especially cocaine addiction?<re> <rs>Happy to discuss with anyway :)<re>
| 1 | 2 | 2 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what caused the cocaine addiction
| null | null | null | null | null | true | 122 |
eynucm
|
I’ve been raped on two separate occasions in the last 5 years; different man, different situations, different states. What am I doing wrong? (26f)
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
I feel like my life has been grey and my memory foggy since that first time. I look back at photos of myself and don’t recognize the carefree happy woman I was. I’ve lost my sense of self, haven’t taken care of my health, and feel emotionally stunted. I want so badly to be able to connect my body to my soul, but I’m starting to feel as if it’s not possible. That this is the reality I’m stuck with now and I just have to give back as much as I can since I don’t feel worthy of success. I haven’t felt happy or had a real smile on my face in 5 years, but I also haven’t cried in 5 years. What’s wrong with me?
|
TraumaICURN
| 1 | 0 | 11 |
2020-02-04 09:58:02
|
rapecounseling
|
<es>I’ve been raped on two separate occasions in the last 5 years; different man, different situations, different states.<ee> <rs>What am I doing wrong? (26f)<re> <efs>I feel like my life has been grey and my memory foggy since that first time.<efe> <es>I look back at photos of myself and don’t recognize the carefree happy woman I was.<ee> <efs>I’ve lost my sense of self, haven’t taken care of my health, and feel emotionally stunted.<efe> <rs>I want so badly to be able to connect my body to my soul, but I’m starting to feel as if it’s not possible.<re> <efs>That this is the reality I’m stuck with now and I just have to give back as much as I can since I don’t feel worthy of success.<efe> <efs>I haven’t felt happy or had a real smile on my face in 5 years, but I also haven’t cried in 5 years.<efe> <rs>What’s wrong with me?<re
| 2 | 2 | 2 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
ekexot
|
I went to my first bar...alone!
|
1a
|
chitchat
| 1 |
I'm so freaking proud of myself. This year I made a goal to overcome my social anxiety.
I've heard to do that you need to really expose yourself to new situations and people, but until now I really havent done that.
So I went to a local bar all alone because I literally dont have friends and a bar isnt really my boyfriends scene. I've never been to a bar before and going alone was racking my anxiety all damn day.
Finally I go, and I had such a great time. I met two new people, but didnt give my self any expectations like I usually do, and just went with the flow. I'm so happy.
|
sayabaya
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
2020-01-05 16:12:28
|
socialanxiety
|
I'm so freaking proud of myself. This year I made a goal to overcome my social anxiety. I've heard to do that you need to really expose yourself to new situations and people, but until now I really havent done that. So I went to a local bar all alone because I literally dont have friends and a bar isnt really my boyfriends scene. I've never been to a bar before and going alone was racking my anxiety all damn day. Finally I go, and I had such a great time. I met two new people, but didnt give my self any expectations like I usually do, and just went with the flow. I'm so happy.
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
positive
| true | 0 |
ej20bs
|
I did it...... FEELING PROUD of myself!
|
0
|
chitchat
| 1 |
I am an all or nothing girl... black or white thinking, there hasn’t been any middle ground for years.
Diagnosed Sept 2019 with ADHD/Dyslexia.
The doctor keeps telling me to do things in small chunks of time so I feel over whelmed and the tasks don’t seem so huge and daunting. Well I did it! I broke my cleaning the condo down into sections taking a break between each section and guess what the ENTIRE condo is clean, tidy and organized.
|
Stirker-Event
| 68 | 0 | 26 |
2020-01-02 18:28:16
|
ADHD
|
<es>I am an all or nothing girl... black or white thinking, there hasn’t been any middle ground for years. <ee> <es>Diagnosed Sept 2019 with ADHD/Dyslexia. <ee> <efs> The doctor keeps telling me to do things in small chunks of time so I feel over whelmed and the tasks don’t seem so huge and daunting.<efe> <es> Well I did it!<ee> <es>I broke my cleaning the condo down into sections taking a break between each section and guess what the ENTIRE condo is clean, tidy and organized.<ee>
| 2 | 2 | 0 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 220 |
elvper
|
Yet another weed-addicted boyfriend over here.
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 3 |
My boyfriend (30M) has been smoking weed since he was 13. Back in the day he was addicted to practically everything, and weed is the only thing he hasn't been able to quit. We met in January 2019, and were long-distance for a while (he's from Canada, I'm from a South-American country) until he came to visit me for two weeks. During that time, he never smoked and the subject never came up. After that, he told me via text that he was never smoking again, because he ate a cookie accidentally and felt terrible after that (he suffers from anxiety, takes two medicines daily to treat it and this anxiety skyrocketed after eating that). He's also told me many times that he's aware that he needs to quit/smoke less, because he's a better person without it, and also he sleeps better and can actually have dreams when he's not smoking.
However, after that I came to visit him and noticed that he vaped every night. I tried being open-mind at first, and even joined him a couple of times (I smoke very rarely), but then noticed it was bothering me. After that, a couple of times while we were talking via Skype he'd tell me he was high, and while I couldn't really notice any difference in his behavior it still annoyed me.
After my first visit, I decided to move to Canada and live with him since this long-distance thing was not working for us. He came to help me with the moving, but this time it was different. He was desperate for smoking, and very troubled about it. He kept saying he wanted to smoke but shouldn't. I ended up getting some weed for him, so he could stop whining about the whole thing. That was the only time he smoked during his 3-week visit.
We arrived at Canada 2 months ago, to live with his 2 sisters. After a couple of days, I came to notice both sisters (32 and 27) smoke all day in the basement, and spend their days sitting around doing nothing (at this point, it's worth noting that both of us are looking for a job, have applied to lots of places and are now waiting for response). I also came to notice that at first he went to the basement to vape once a day, in the evening. Then it turned into two times a day, then three times, and so on. Again, I tried looking the other way and it "worked"... until three weeks ago, when he went to the basement at 3 PM. That pissed me off, and when he asked what was wrong I told him I don't want to spend the rest of my life with an addict. He reacted very defensively, started calling me out on my coffee and beer drinking (which are occasional and in no way comparable to his addiction) and also googled how the alcohol effects are worse than weed's. He said it "shouldn't" bother me, and also told me that in here it's very normal and everyone around him does it (I also came to notice that here it's legal and very easy to obtain. No wonder Canada is one of the countries with most consumption). I tried to understand why he needs to do it everyday, but he just said he "feels like" doing it and got annoyed when I said he *needed* it. He said he wouldn't vape the next day... then the next day came by, and he was extremely annoyed. He kept saying "he hates being impeded to do what he wants to do". I said I'm not in any position to control or forbid him anything, and that he shouldn't make promises he can't fulfill. Of course, he ended up vaping, although he later admitted he's an addict and needs to vape less. He also told me he would "deal with it" after Christmas and didn't want to be pressured. So I let go of the subject for a while.
Days went by, and I slowly came to learn the following things: that he vapes more when he feels stressed/restless, that he vapes because he has nothing else to do (this shitty routine seems to "invite" him to vape), and if it wasn't for the smell and tiny eyes I wouldn't notice he has vaped. He's still a functional adult when he's high.
Nowadays, he starts vaping earlier everyday (yesterday around 1 PM, today at 12 PM) and goes downstairs approximately 8 times a day. Sometimes by himself, sometimes with one or two of his sisters. I get pissed off everytime he does, but I try to hide it. His anxiety levels are very high... He stresses out even when I ask what we're doing the next day. He's also lost appetite; he barely eats during the day. He said he tried vaping to get hungry, to no avail. I'm positive these two things are related to his vaping, but of course he says it's not the case.
And as for today, I confronted him again. I said to him that weed's got him by the balls, which of course he denied. He insisted he vapes because he "feels like it", which I don't believe for one second. He said weed "doesn"t control him", that our life together would be perfect if I didn't "judge him" every time he went downstairs (which I don't), and that "I'm obsessed with turning this into a problem". He then kept comparing it to beer, to which I chose to end the conversation.
I feel sad, worried and scared. I'm still very much aware that I don't want to spend the rest of my life with an addict. Sometimes I feel things may change once both of us get jobs and our own place, but I don't really know for sure. And given the amount of time he's been into this, I don't know if he'll ever be able to quit. Also, I love this man with all my heart. Everything else about him is imperfectly perfect for me, and I don't want to leave him, but I just can't get past this. I don't care that he's "normal" while being high, and I don't care that everyone in his circle does it and that in here it's perceived as "normal". It bothers me immensely, to the level that I watch over him with the corner of my eye all day, only to get irritated when he goes downstairs... and it's driving me nuts. I just can't live like this anymore. I hate the smell, I hate hearing their conversation and laughter when they go downstairs, I hate when he talks about anything related to it, I hate that he even *jokes* about the whole thing. And what pisses me off the most is that he thinks I'm ruining the relationship with my "judging", when it's *him* the one who's ruining it with his addiction. He either doesn't understand, or refuses to do so.
I'm desperate and just don't know what to do, what to say or how to treat him. I don't understand the mindset of an addict, I don't understand why he *needs* to go downstairs everyday and my upbringing was very different from his. I do know that I don't want to give him any ultimatums, or make him choose between that or myself. Any help/advice/resources/further insights will be greatly appreciated!
Thanks a lot in advance, and apologies for the wall of text.
&#x200B;
TL;DR: My boyfriend is addicted to weed and vapes everyday. I love him, but this bothers me immensely and I don't know what to do about it.
|
LucySkyz
| 1 | 0 | 10 |
2020-01-08 17:21:34
|
addiction
|
<es>My boyfriend (30M) has been smoking weed since he was 13.<ee> <es>Back in the day he was addicted to practically everything, and weed is the only thing he hasn't been able to quit.<ee> <es>We met in January 2019, and were long-distance for a while (he's from Canada, I'm from a South-American country) until he came to visit me for two weeks.<ee> <es>During that time, he never smoked and the subject never came up.<ee> <es>After that, he told me via text that he was never smoking again, because he ate a cookie accidentally and felt terrible after that (he suffers from anxiety, takes two medicines daily to treat it and this anxiety skyrocketed after eating that).<ee> <es>He's also told me many times that he's aware that he needs to quit/smoke less, because he's a better person without it, and also he sleeps better and can actually have dreams when he's not smoking.<ee> <es>However, after that I came to visit him and noticed that he vaped every night.<ee> <efs>I tried being open-mind at first, and even joined him a couple of times (I smoke very rarely), but then noticed it was bothering me.<efe> <efs>After that, a couple of times while we were talking via Skype he'd tell me he was high, and while I couldn't really notice any difference in his behavior it still annoyed me.<efe> <es>After my first visit, I decided to move to Canada and live with him since this long-distance thing was not working for us.<ee> <es>He came to help me with the moving, but this time it was different.<ee> <es>He was desperate for smoking, and very troubled about it.<ee> <es>He kept saying he wanted to smoke but shouldn't.<ee> <es>I ended up getting some weed for him, so he could stop whining about the whole thing.<ee> <es>That was the only time he smoked during his 3-week visit.<ee> <es>We arrived at Canada 2 months ago, to live with his 2 sisters.<ee> <es>After a couple of days, I came to notice both sisters (32 and 27) smoke all day in the basement, and spend their days sitting around doing nothing (at this point, it's worth noting that both of us are looking for a job, have applied to lots of places and are now waiting for response).<ee> <es>I also came to notice that at first he went to the basement to vape once a day, in the evening.<ee> <es>Then it turned into two times a day, then three times, and so on.<ee> <es>Again, I tried looking the other way and it "worked"... until three weeks ago, when he went to the basement at 3 PM.<ee> <efs>That pissed me off, and when he asked what was wrong I told him I don't want to spend the rest of my life with an addict.<efe> <es>He reacted very defensively, started calling me out on my coffee and beer drinking (which are occasional and in no way comparable to his addiction) and also googled how the alcohol effects are worse than weed's.<ee> <es>He said it "shouldn't" bother me, and also told me that in here it's very normal and everyone around him does it (I also came to notice that here it's legal and very easy to obtain.<ee> No wonder Canada is one of the countries with most consumption). <es>I tried to understand why he needs to do it everyday, but he just said he "feels like" doing it and got annoyed when I said he *needed* it.<ee> <es>He said he wouldn't vape the next day... then the next day came by, and he was extremely annoyed.<ee> <es>He kept saying "he hates being impeded to do what he wants to do".<ee> <es>I said I'm not in any position to control or forbid him anything, and that he shouldn't make promises he can't fulfill.<ee> <es>Of course, he ended up vaping, although he later admitted he's an addict and needs to vape less.<ee> <es>He also told me he would "deal with it" after Christmas and didn't want to be pressured.<ee> <es>So I let go of the subject for a while.<ee> <es>Days went by, and I slowly came to learn the following things: that he vapes more when he feels stressed/restless, that he vapes because he has nothing else to do (this shitty routine seems to "invite" him to vape), and if it wasn't for the smell and tiny eyes I wouldn't notice he has vaped.<ee> <es>He's still a functional adult when he's high.<ee> <es>Nowadays, he starts vaping earlier everyday (yesterday around 1 PM, today at 12 PM) and goes downstairs approximately 8 times a day.<ee> <es>Sometimes by himself, sometimes with one or two of his sisters.<ee> <efs>I get pissed off everytime he does, but I try to hide it.<efe> <es>His anxiety levels are very high... He stresses out even when I ask what we're doing the next day.<ee> <es>He's also lost appetite; he barely eats during the day.<ee> <es>He said he tried vaping to get hungry, to no avail.<ee> <es>I'm positive these two things are related to his vaping, but of course he says it's not the case.<ee> <es>And as for today, I confronted him again.<ee> <es>I said to him that weed's got him by the balls, which of course he denied.<ee> <es>He insisted he vapes because he "feels like it", which I don't believe for one second.<ee> <es>He said weed "doesn"t control him", that our life together would be perfect if I didn't "judge him" every time he went downstairs (which I don't), and that "I'm obsessed with turning this into a problem".<ee> <es>He then kept comparing it to beer, to which I chose to end the conversation.<ee> <efs>I feel sad, worried and scared.<efe> <rs>I'm still very much aware that I don't want to spend the rest of my life with an addict.<re> <efs>Sometimes I feel things may change once both of us get jobs and our own place, but I don't really know for sure.<efe> <es>And given the amount of time he's been into this, I don't know if he'll ever be able to quit.<ee> <es>Also, I love this man with all my heart.<ee> <es>Everything else about him is imperfectly perfect for me, and I don't want to leave him, but I just can't get past this.<ee> <es>I don't care that he's "normal" while being high, and I don't care that everyone in his circle does it and that in here it's perceived as "normal".<ee> <efs>It bothers me immensely, to the level that I watch over him with the corner of my eye all day, only to get irritated when he goes downstairs... and it's driving me nuts.<efe> <efs>I just can't live like this anymore.<efe> <efs>I hate the smell, I hate hearing their conversation and laughter when they go downstairs, I hate when he talks about anything related to it, I hate that he even *jokes* about the whole thing.<efe> <efs>And what pisses me off the most is that he thinks I'm ruining the relationship with my "judging", when it's *him* the one who's ruining it with his addiction. He either doesn't understand, or refuses to do so.<efe> <efs>I'm desperate and just don't know what to do, what to say or how to treat him.<efe> <es>I don't understand the mindset of an addict, I don't understand why he *needs* to go downstairs everyday and my upbringing was very different from his.<ee> <rs>I do know that I don't want to give him any ultimatums, or make him choose between that or myself.<re> <rs>Any help/advice/resources/further insights will be greatly appreciated!<re> Thanks a lot in advance, and apologies for the wall of text. &#x200B; <es>TL;DR: My boyfriend is addicted to weed and vapes everyday.<ee> <efs>I love him, but this bothers me immensely and I don't know what to do about it.<efe>
| 2 | 2 | 2 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
eiqy37
|
CBD oil?
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
My 9 year old son is full spectrum ADHD, and we do have him on medication to help him. He is on 40mg Vyvanse, and the maletonin supplement to help him sleep is not overly effective anymore.
We have tried many other types of medications, but he wasn't eating and he is only 40 pounds.
His doctor was not able to suggest CBD oil. Lack of study, but I have heard good things... Anyone try CBD oil for ADHD?
|
Frogspanker
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-02 01:14:27
|
ADHD
|
<es>My 9 year old son is full spectrum ADHD, and we do have him on medication to help him.<ee> <es>He is on 40mg Vyvanse, and the maletonin supplement to help him sleep is not overly effective anymore.<ee> <es>We have tried many other types of medications, but he wasn't eating and he is only 40 pounds. <ee> <es>His doctor was not able to suggest CBD oil.<ee> <es>Lack of study, but I have heard good things...<ee> <rs>Anyone try CBD oil for ADHD?<re>
| 2 | 0 | 2 | null | null |
How did X make you feel?
|
your son's loss of apetite
| null | null | null | true | 202 |
eiqzzi
|
Reflections
|
1a
|
rant
| 2 |
The end of 2018 was chaotic, to say the least. I was lost emotionally and spiritually. I wanted change and I started going to therapy. I entered 2019 very uncertain. Uncertain of who I was or where life was taking me. I wanted change in 2019, I wanted happiness, and I wanted hope.
The year kicked off and I was seemingly holding it together, but in reality my mental health was falling apart. Then it happened. I was sexually assaulted. But what could’ve turned out to be the darkest part of my life, lead me to sobriety. And so 2019 is when I began my journey to be happy, joyous, and free. And what a miracle that is. At that moment in April, my life could’ve taken a horrific turn. But instead of being eaten alive, I rose up from the ashes and have been reborn. The universe had better plans for me, and I thank my higher power for that.
Sobriety isn’t easy. It has been gutting, emotional, and challenging. Towards the end of 2019, I began to slack in my program. So, my resolution in 2020 is to be sober, and I don’t mean just not drinking. My focus will be to work my program, grow, and work the steps into my everyday life. I am blessed and I am a miracle. I won’t forget that.
|
jennnuhhfurrr
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-02 01:18:45
|
alcoholicsanonymous
|
<es>The end of 2018 was chaotic, to say the least.<ee> <efs>I was lost emotionally and spiritually.<efe> <es>I wanted change and I started going to therapy.<ee> <es>I entered 2019 very uncertain.<ee> <es>Uncertain of who I was or where life was taking me.<ee> <es>I wanted change in 2019, I wanted happiness, and I wanted hope. <ee> <es>The year kicked off and I was seemingly holding it together, but in reality my mental health was falling apart.<ee> <es>Then it happened.<ee> <es>I was sexually assaulted.<ee> <es>But what could’ve turned out to be the darkest part of my life, lead me to sobriety.<ee> <es>And so 2019 is when I began my journey to be happy, joyous, and free.<ee> <es> And what a miracle that is. <ee><es>At that moment in April, my life could’ve taken a horrific turn.<ee> <es>But instead of being eaten alive, I rose up from the ashes and have been reborn.<ee> <es>The universe had better plans for me, and I thank my higher power for that. <ee> <es>Sobriety isn’t easy.<ee> <efs>It has been gutting, emotional, and challenging.<efe> <es>Towards the end of 2019, I began to slack in my program.<ee> <es>So, my resolution in 2020 is to be sober, and I don’t mean just not drinking.<ee> <es>My focus will be to work my program, grow, and work the steps into my everyday life.<ee> I am blessed and I am a miracle. I won’t forget that.
| 2 | 2 | 0 | null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you aren't able to stay sober
| null | true | 220 |
elqpwa
|
they all deserve a good life
|
0
|
chitchat
| 1 | null |
_omin0us
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-08 09:53:00
|
sad
| null | 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
eie7ag
|
I’m scared to get better but I’m desperate to try.
|
1a
|
rant
| 2 |
My biggest fear and greatest hope is getting better. Looking back on these days that seem so impossible and saying ‘I did that, I overcame that.’
Why is getting better my biggest fear? It’s all I’ve known. I’ve always been the shy (see: anxious) and pretty sad kid. Since 15 years old, BPD was my entire identity. I didn’t know who I was without it or without depression, anxiety, everything else…I’ve always been scared to see if I can become somebody more than the illness that has defined me.
I’m still scared. Terrified, even, but after another near-hospitalization, I’m so goddamn tired. I’m tired of feeling scared, angry, sad, suicidal. I’m tired of being set off over things that don’t matter. I’m tired of pitying myself and dwelling on the past.
Am I scared to get better and put full trust into my therapist and what he has to say? Absolutely. More than anything. But am I prepared to work towards the cure (aka the ability to cope) that I DESERVE? Abso-fucking-lutely.
And I know it’ll be hard. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Recovery isn’t a one way street and I know this. Recovery doesn’t mean I’ll stay better, either. I could deal with this shit for the rest of my life.
But that’s where radical acceptance comes in, right? I may deal with these feelings forever, but I will find a way to cope with them and I will be the person my brain always tells me I’m unable to become.
I can do this. I will do this.
|
itscanimates
| 1 | 0 | 3 |
2020-01-01 04:57:27
|
BPD
|
<efs>My biggest fear and greatest hope is getting better.<efe> <es>Looking back on these days that seem so impossible and saying ‘I did that, I overcame that.’<ee> <es>Why is getting better my biggest fear?<ee> <es>It’s all I’ve known.<ee> <es>I’ve always been the shy (see: anxious) and pretty sad kid.<ee> <es>Since 15 years old, BPD was my entire identity.<ee> <es>I didn’t know who I was without it or without depression, anxiety, everything else…I’ve always been scared to see if I can become somebody more than the illness that has defined me.<ee> <efs>I’m still scared. <efe><efs>Terrified, even, but after another near-hospitalization, I’m so goddamn tired.<efe> <efs>I’m tired of feeling scared, angry, sad, suicidal.<efe> <efs>I’m tired of being set off over things that don’t matter.<efe> <efs>I’m tired of pitying myself and dwelling on the past.<efe> <efs>Am I scared to get better and put full trust into my therapist and what he has to say?<efe> <efs>Absolutely.<efe> <efs>More than anything.<efe> <rs>But am I prepared to work towards the cure (aka the ability to cope) that I DESERVE?<re> <rs>Abso-fucking-lutely.<re> And I know it’ll be hard. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Recovery isn’t a one way street and I know this. Recovery doesn’t mean I’ll stay better, either. I could deal with this shit for the rest of my life. But that’s where radical acceptance comes in, right? I may deal with these feelings forever, but I will find a way to cope with them and I will be the person my brain always tells me I’m unable to become. I can do this. I will do this.
| 2 | 2 | 1 | null | null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would help you get cured
| null | true | 221 |
eiu3q4
|
Friends...
|
1a
|
rant
| 1 |
TW: cussing?
.
Hahaha so.. some old friends of mine ended things between us about a year ago and it was fucking hard. I bawled my eyes out every night but shifted/split so rapidly I was always in pain mentally and physically. After I eventually accepted it I still go back and forth between trying to reach out and hating their guts. I know we wont and we cant be friends again, but every time I get that spark of hope and light and love I message them then later I beat myself up for it. Its..like bro my brain i.. can it not? Do ? The stupid?
|
Creativ3_art1st
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
2020-01-02 05:42:02
|
BPD
|
TW: cussing? . Hahaha so.. some old friends of mine ended things between us about a year ago and it was fucking hard. I bawled my eyes out every night but shifted/split so rapidly I was always in pain mentally and physically. After I eventually accepted it I still go back and forth between trying to reach out and hating their guts. I know we wont and we cant be friends again, but every time I get that spark of hope and light and love I message them then later I beat myself up for it. Its..like bro my brain i.. can it not? Do ? The stupid?
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
f3qmz7
|
How can this family be helped?
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 3 |
\- The parents have been heard responding in a very loud, aggressive and volatile way to their children on a daily basis. Often the children are heard crying for long periods and then they are shouted at with music then being turned up to a very high in volume. After this, there are often crashes and bangs and the children stop crying. Things become quiet and then the cycle is repeated.
\- The mother has often been heard shouting at her son, “I am going to fuck you up! just watch what I am going to do to you!”, then loud bangs have been heard. There are concerns that she is either physically punishing the children or she is using the threat of sudden loud noises to scare them to change their behaviour/shock them into quietening their distress.
\- The parents often have verbal outbursts throughout the night and into the early hours of the morning. Different males enter in and out of the flat for short intervals at this time. The children are heard crying and/or speaking at this time. The boy has appeared more tired and withdrawn recently where previously he would play with other children in different blocks. Other parents have expressed worries about allowing their children into the family's flat for fear of them being exposed to illegal substances and strangers. These children have reported to their parents that they have seen substances in the flat.
\- The mother has told people she has bipolar disorder diagnosis. She often responds irritably and shouts at others, and is up all night slamming objects down and slamming her front door. She and her boyfriend shout at each other very late at night and threaten to hurt one another in front of the children. Warm parenting has not been observed between parents and their children (e.g. speaking to them in a friendly tone, praising and rewarding good behaviour). The majority of observed interactions between the parents and children (and in particular between the mother and her children) appear critical in content and tone.
\- For two years there has been a persistent smell of cannabis coming from the flat all throughout the day.
\- Males enter and exit the flat at short intervals and there are concerns this is linked to drug preparation, dealing or taking around the children.
\- The local area has had an increased problem with ASB in the past couple of years and drug users and paraphernalia have been observed around and inside the block where previously this was not the case.
\- There is a history of reciprocal domestic violence in the household between the mother and the boy’s father (who no longer lives with her) and her current partner (who does live with her). The mother has stabbed her current partner previously in the flat, and her son has previously requested help from residents (“can you help my mum?”). Residents have also seen the mother’s current partner throw her onto the ground. Where residents have expressed worries to the mother about what they have observed going on in the flat regarding domestic violence and and how consistent boundaries and bedtimes for children could be helpful for their well being, these issues have been dismissed and minimised. The mother has told others that her son is responsible for keeping everyone awake as he has autism and is disruptive and can't help banging things. However, it should be noted that when the boy is not at home, the mother has been heard shouting at her crying infant daughter, turning the music up and then loud bangs are heard. Many members of the community have suggested that it is in fact the mother’s parenting capacity that is compromised and she is responding in a frightening way to her children which is shaping their behavioural and emotional responses.
|
Reportingstuff1
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
2020-02-14 11:00:24
|
domesticviolence
|
<rs>How can this family be helped?<re> <es>\- The parents have been heard responding in a very loud, aggressive and volatile way to their children on a daily basis.<ee> <es>Often the children are heard crying for long periods and then they are shouted at with music then being turned up to a very high in volume.<ee> <es>After this, there are often crashes and bangs and the children stop crying.<ee> <es>Things become quiet and then the cycle is repeated.<ee> <es>\- The mother has often been heard shouting at her son, “I am going to fuck you up! just watch what I am going to do to you!”, then loud bangs have been heard.<ee> <es>There are concerns that she is either physically punishing the children or she is using the threat of sudden loud noises to scare them to change their behaviour/shock them into quietening their distress.<ee> <es>\- The parents often have verbal outbursts throughout the night and into the early hours of the morning.<ee> <es>Different males enter in and out of the flat for short intervals at this time.<ee> <es>The children are heard crying and/or speaking at this time.<ee> <es>The boy has appeared more tired and withdrawn recently where previously he would play with other children in different blocks.<ee> <es>Other parents have expressed worries about allowing their children into the family's flat for fear of them being exposed to illegal substances and strangers.<ee> <es>These children have reported to their parents that they have seen substances in the flat.<ee> <es>\- The mother has told people she has bipolar disorder diagnosis.<ee> <es>She often responds irritably and shouts at others, and is up all night slamming objects down and slamming her front door.<ee> <es>She and her boyfriend shout at each other very late at night and threaten to hurt one another in front of the children.<ee> <es>Warm parenting has not been observed between parents and their children (e.g. speaking to them in a friendly tone, praising and rewarding good behaviour).<ee> <es>The majority of observed interactions between the parents and children (and in particular between the mother and her children) appear critical in content and tone.<ee> <es>\- For two years there has been a persistent smell of cannabis coming from the flat all throughout the day.<ee> <es>\- Males enter and exit the flat at short intervals and there are concerns this is linked to drug preparation, dealing or taking around the children.<ee> <es>\- The local area has had an increased problem with ASB in the past couple of years and drug users and paraphernalia have been observed around and inside the block where previously this was not the case.<ee> <es>\- There is a history of reciprocal domestic violence in the household between the mother and the boy’s father (who no longer lives with her) and her current partner (who does live with her).<ee> <es>The mother has stabbed her current partner previously in the flat, and her son has previously requested help from residents (“can you help my mum?”).<ee> <es>Residents have also seen the mother’s current partner throw her onto the ground.<ee> <es>Where residents have expressed worries to the mother about what they have observed going on in the flat regarding domestic violence and and how consistent boundaries and bedtimes for children could be helpful for their well being, these issues have been dismissed and minimised.<ee> <es>The mother has told others that her son is responsible for keeping everyone awake as he has autism and is disruptive and can't help banging things.<ee> <es>However, it should be noted that when the boy is not at home, the mother has been heard shouting at her crying infant daughter, turning the music up and then loud bangs are heard.<ee> <es>Many members of the community have suggested that it is in fact the mother’s parenting capacity that is compromised and she is responding in a frightening way to her children which is shaping their behavioural and emotional responses.<ee>
| 2 | 0 | 2 | null | null |
How did X make you feel?
|
the boy's family situation
| null | null | null | true | 202 |
ejwoll
|
Feeling Depressed is not Depression
|
0
|
chitchat
| 2 |
Feeling depressed is an emotion that is a state of unhappiness. All people, excluding people who have anti social personality disorder, can experience this feeling. This is not the mental disorder depression rather, this is a basic emotion that is felt by millions a day. On the flip side the mental disorder depression is determines by the DSM-5. This states that if you have 5 of the certain signs for longer than 2 weeks CONSTANTLY, you have depression. The signs are as followed, Constant depressed mood, lost pleasure in most or all activities, significant weight gain or loss due to loss or gain in appitite, slow down of thought or physical movements, fautige or loss of energy, feelings of guilt or worthlessness, diminished ability to think or concentrate / indecisiveness, recurring thought of death or suicide. If you noticed constant depressive mood is only 1 of 8 of the signs of depression. You dont technical need to feel or experience the emotion of depression to have the mental disorder of depression. Please stop self diagnosing yourself with depression because you were sad and tired on the same day
Edit: Changed some wording around
|
iwood10678
| 47 | 0 | 36 |
2020-01-04 13:34:08
|
mentalillness
|
Feeling depressed is an emotion that is a state of unhappiness. All people, excluding people who have anti social personality disorder, can experience this feeling. This is not the mental disorder depression rather, this is a basic emotion that is felt by millions a day. On the flip side the mental disorder depression is determines by the DSM-5. This states that if you have 5 of the certain signs for longer than 2 weeks CONSTANTLY, you have depression. The signs are as followed, Constant depressed mood, lost pleasure in most or all activities, significant weight gain or loss due to loss or gain in appitite, slow down of thought or physical movements, fautige or loss of energy, feelings of guilt or worthlessness, diminished ability to think or concentrate / indecisiveness, recurring thought of death or suicide. If you noticed constant depressive mood is only 1 of 8 of the signs of depression. You dont technical need to feel or experience the emotion of depression to have the mental disorder of depression. Please stop self diagnosing yourself with depression because you were sad and tired on the same day Edit: Changed some wording around
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
thought
| true | 0 |
es6hit
|
I am jealous of the fact that other people are smarter than me.
|
0
|
rant
| 3 |
The definition of advice is that the adviser gives instructions, and that they advisee should receive these instructions and always do what they feel is right. Advise usually begins with an appeal to regret, and then follows with declarative statements, and ends with instructions. Both my parents battered me, and I ignored the following. I ignored it because I thought was defeatism, victim-blaming, and I thought it worked the way it did to minimize the legal liability of the adviser. Because I did I have no physical health, I have no money, power, sex, nor fame and as an adult I've battered both my parents. I'm still trying to find my first job so I can leave home, but my legs are screwed up from so much walking. Now, I am just u/Character-Comb on the Internet, the guy that u/roboempire knows as bringing crazy back is all. Also, I now follow advice, I am Asperger's for it. Do not become the one that brings crazy back. Get out of stuff fast enough. Don't repeat my mistakes.
Given who's where, when they are there, who talks to whom, and when they do, what happens to someone is more due to factors acting on the person that intentionally or unintentionally, directly or indirectly, did it, then about the person on the receiving end. In other words, given the simple fact that you were there, and who you know, it's just not about you. Situation so you don't need to leave immediately, recklessly and ruthlessly are never abusive. In my case, I was not reckless enough because I turned back once I heard my mysterious benefactor tell me that her boyfriend and her landlady dogs were psycho and that she wanted feed me with cheeseburgers. If you're fleeing abuse, then if necessary to leave, be with the psychos, and eat the cheeseburger. Non-toxic situations are never abusive. All other advice is subject to the above.
In my ordeal, I tried studying my favorite subjects, including math, to stay fresh. I burned out of it, and now I don't really know math. Situations you don't need to leave soon no matter how much money, power, sex or attention are at stake are never toxic. People can burn out of an entire career and never return to an entire industry in two weeks or less. Occupational burnout is a personal relationship ending move. Screw my life decisions. Other people's life decisions are so much better than mine. That's not fair. It's not fair to me that I am so stupid. My life decisions should be as good as them, the world should have somehow saved me from my foolishness. I'm jealous of the fact that they are smarter than me. This world isn't fair, because a fair world would save me from my own stupidity and make me smart. Instead, I was involuntarily committed an outpatient committed, and because of it my skin burn all night long, almost every night for almost 10 years. I needed paracetamol tell me what the but I had terrible headaches from that ordeal and from the paracetamol. Because of the headaches, I now have sporadic hemiplegic migraines, a permanent condition that means that I can never enjoy Sun, guacamole, real cheese, soy, and many other Foods ever again. That's not fair. The world is being unfair that it did not save me from my stupidity and changed my life decisions to something smarter. I am blaming the world for not stopping me from making mistakes.
|
Character-Comb
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-22 03:58:08
|
Anger
|
The definition of advice is that the adviser gives instructions, and that they advisee should receive these instructions and always do what they feel is right. Advise usually begins with an appeal to regret, and then follows with declarative statements, and ends with instructions. <es>Both my parents battered me, and I ignored the following.<ee> <es>I ignored it because I thought was defeatism, victim-blaming, and I thought it worked the way it did to minimize the legal liability of the adviser.<ee> <es>Because I did I have no physical health, I have no money, power, sex, nor fame and as an adult I've battered both my parents.<ee> <es>I'm still trying to find my first job so I can leave home, but my legs are screwed up from so much walking.<ee> Now, I am just u/Character-Comb on the Internet, the guy that u/roboempire knows as bringing crazy back is all. Also, I now follow advice, I am Asperger's for it. Do not become the one that brings crazy back. Get out of stuff fast enough. Don't repeat my mistakes. Given who's where, when they are there, who talks to whom, and when they do, what happens to someone is more due to factors acting on the person that intentionally or unintentionally, directly or indirectly, did it, then about the person on the receiving end. In other words, given the simple fact that you were there, and who you know, it's just not about you. Situation so you don't need to leave immediately, recklessly and ruthlessly are never abusive. In my case, I was not reckless enough because I turned back once I heard my mysterious benefactor tell me that her boyfriend and her landlady dogs were psycho and that she wanted feed me with cheeseburgers. If you're fleeing abuse, then if necessary to leave, be with the psychos, and eat the cheeseburger. Non-toxic situations are never abusive. All other advice is subject to the above. <es>In my ordeal, I tried studying my favorite subjects, including math, to stay fresh.<ee> <es>I burned out of it, and now I don't really know math.<ee> Situations you don't need to leave soon no matter how much money, power, sex or attention are at stake are never toxic. People can burn out of an entire career and never return to an entire industry in two weeks or less. Occupational burnout is a personal relationship ending move. Screw my life decisions. <efs>Other people's life decisions are so much better than mine.<efe> <efs>That's not fair.<efe> <efs>It's not fair to me that I am so stupid.<efe> My life decisions should be as good as them, the world should have somehow saved me from my foolishness. <efs>I'm jealous of the fact that they are smarter than me.<efe> <efs>This world isn't fair, because a fair world would save me from my own stupidity and make me smart.<efe> <efs>Instead, I was involuntarily committed an outpatient committed, and because of it my skin burn all night long, almost every night for almost 10 years.<efe> <efs>I needed paracetamol tell me what the but I had terrible headaches from that ordeal and from the paracetamol.<efe> <efs>Because of the headaches, I now have sporadic hemiplegic migraines, a permanent condition that means that I can never enjoy Sun, guacamole, real cheese, soy, and many other Foods ever again.<efe> That's not fair. <efs>The world is being unfair that it did not save me from my stupidity and changed my life decisions to something smarter.<efe> <efs>I am blaming the world for not stopping me from making mistakes.<efe>
| 2 | 2 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you have gone through this ordeal
| null | true | 220 |
ekvsm1
|
Inner Worlds, Outer Worlds - Part 1 - Akasha
|
0
|
chitchat
| 4 | null |
princeofpenis88
| 1 | 0 | 0 |
2020-01-06 15:45:38
|
selfhelp
| null | 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 0 |
f4u2uv
|
Doubting the abuse
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 2 |
Hello, I have gotten away from someone who has:
-Trapped me in his house and car and then would make phone calls to a person he was convincing I was abusing him, telling them I wouldn’t leave.
-Threatened to rape, kill me, kill my friends, family
-Convinced couples therapists with real distress and tears, and triangulation, that I was the one abusing him.
-Hurt himself while attacking me and then told the same person above that I did it.
-Gaslighted me for months, telling me I was Borderline and narcissist
-That my actions traumatized him (leaving) so much that he had to hurt me
-Threatened to kill himself over phone and when I called police, he convinced police i was abusing him
-that I was overreacting by hiding in the bathroom after he tried to strangle me in his sleep, also saying it didn’t happen.
-threatened to get a restraining order against me even though I was being stalked by him.
-Threatened to show up at my job, ruin my career, etc.
I went back after all of this, and I wasn’t perfect either, definitely had a lot of trauma beforehand which helped create this dynamic. I feel guilt about this. I also was fearful and jealous initially, which he uses to demonstrate I was at fault.
He had me convinced, and therapists, and police, and self-destruction ( would say, I lost my job, how could I be the abuser? I have panic attacks, how could I be the abuser?) and used his ex who is dependent on him financially against me. Can anyone relate to doubting one’s self? Even while fearing for ones own life? Can you empathize with going back? I have been away for 7-8 months now and won’t go back, but still fear him and doubt the truth.
|
LailaMoon987
| 1 | 0 | 9 |
2020-02-16 17:45:19
|
domesticviolence
|
<es>Hello, I have gotten away from someone who has: <es>-Trapped me in his house and car and then would make phone calls to a person he was convincing I was abusing him, telling them I wouldn’t leave. <ee> <es>-Threatened to rape, kill me, kill my friends, family<ee> <es>-Convinced couples therapists with real distress and tears, and triangulation, that I was the one abusing him. <ee> <es>-Hurt himself while attacking me and then told the same person above that I did it. <ee> <es>-Gaslighted me for months, telling me I was Borderline and narcissist <ee> <es>-That my actions traumatized him (leaving) so much that he had to hurt me<ee> <es>-Threatened to kill himself over phone and when I called police, he convinced police i was abusing him<ee> <es>-that I was overreacting by hiding in the bathroom after he tried to strangle me in his sleep, also saying it didn’t happen. <ee> <es>-threatened to get a restraining order against me even though I was being stalked by him.<ee> <es>-Threatened to show up at my job, ruin my career, etc. <ee> <es>I went back after all of this, and I wasn’t perfect either, definitely had a lot of trauma beforehand which helped create this dynamic.<ee> <efs>I feel guilt about this.<efe> <efs>I also was fearful and jealous initially, which he uses to demonstrate I was at fault.<efe> <es>He had me convinced, and therapists, and police, and self-destruction ( would say, I lost my job, how could I be the abuser? I have panic attacks, how could I be the abuser?) and used his ex who is dependent on him financially against me.<ee> <rs>Can anyone relate to doubting one’s self?<re> <efs>Even while fearing for ones own life?<efe> <rs>Can you empathize with going back?<re> <efs>I have been away for 7-8 months now and won’t go back, but still fear him and doubt the truth.<efe>
| 2 | 2 | 2 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
eo6d5e
|
New thing
|
0
|
chitchat
| 2 |
I have schizophrenia, bipolar I, OCD, and panic disorder, and I have been at home for good since August. My disability payments don’t start until March so I have no income and have not been able to afford a gym membership or gas to go to the gym, and with my mental state it has been difficult to regularly find motivation to specifically exercise at home.
However, I found this $30 fitness watch that my partner got for me about a year ago, and I charged it and started using it, and have set my goal each day for 6,000 steps even though I’m just at home - we have a private drive so I have started walking to the end of it and back several times a day, and I just take a lot of ridiculous unnecessary steps, and it feels so good to be moving around more and to have a goal for every day besides chores.
I just thought I would mention that in case anyone else is in the same boat, at home on disability and in need of more activity, there are very cheap fitness watches on Amazon that you can count your steps with (and other things, but I don’t care about the other stuff tbh), and that helps kind of create a goal because you want to see how many steps you can get. You want to get as many steps as you can. Physical activity is supposed to help people like us, I’m hoping that it will really make a difference for me. Maybe it can for you too!
|
N01really
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-13 16:27:31
|
mentalillness
|
I have schizophrenia, bipolar I, OCD, and panic disorder, and I have been at home for good since August. My disability payments don’t start until March so I have no income and have not been able to afford a gym membership or gas to go to the gym, and with my mental state it has been difficult to regularly find motivation to specifically exercise at home. However, I found this $30 fitness watch that my partner got for me about a year ago, and I charged it and started using it, and have set my goal each day for 6,000 steps even though I’m just at home - we have a private drive so I have started walking to the end of it and back several times a day, and I just take a lot of ridiculous unnecessary steps, and it feels so good to be moving around more and to have a goal for every day besides chores. I just thought I would mention that in case anyone else is in the same boat, at home on disability and in need of more activity, there are very cheap fitness watches on Amazon that you can count your steps with (and other things, but I don’t care about the other stuff tbh), and that helps kind of create a goal because you want to see how many steps you can get. You want to get as many steps as you can. Physical activity is supposed to help people like us, I’m hoping that it will really make a difference for me. Maybe it can for you too!
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
positive
| true | 0 |
eyy65d
|
Is this still rape?
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 2 |
I dated someone on and off for 13 months when I was 14. I have a long history of sexual abuse my whole life and saw my mom getting assaulted once, I was very isolated growing up and I didn’t understand it was wrong.
So the first time my ex raped me I didn’t realize it was actually rape. He kept trying to have sex with me after I smoked a bunch of weed and could barely stay awake, I grabbed his wrist at one point shoved it away and yelled no stop it I don’t to, then he pinned me down and forcefully have sex with me, I looked away the whole time and gave up fighting after a while. When he was done he kissed me gently and rolled over and went to sleep. I fell off the bed after I was let go and put my clothes back on and left his house and caught the bus home. After this we never talked about it and I didn’t like having sex with him. But he’d still make me. We’d be lying down and he’d just start doing it and I wouldn’t move or say anything, I’d just let him. I was so scared. This happened more times then I can count. Normally though I’d say no, get off, and he’d do it anyways and I’d just give up, it felt horrible and disgusting but he’d tell me my body was his so he was aloud to do this. He confessed to being addicted to raping me once.
Sometimes I’d run out of the house and he’d chase me down the street and grab me and force me back in the house and I’d be so scared at that point because even if I screamed no one cared, he’d have sex with me and once again I wouldn’t say anything apart for no a couple times. He was so scary. I couldn’t leave so I felt like I didn’t have a choice. I did fight back and was physically forced a lot though too...idk...
But is it rape if I just don’t say anything and just lay there unresponsive or say no but then give up and “let” it happen? Or say no but then after struggling for a couple minutes just freeze and not do anything? I tried to leave so many times and it always ended horrible. Cops even took his side the one time they were involved.
I feel like I don’t have the right to call this rape. I told a therapist once that I couldn’t leave my abusive ex and she laughed and said “why it’s not like you were married?”
Idk I’m just confused... it’s been 5 years and I still can’t accept it.
|
risingsouls7
| 1 | 0 | 3 |
2020-02-04 22:14:03
|
rapecounseling
|
<es>I dated someone on and off for 13 months when I was 14.<ee> <es>I have a long history of sexual abuse my whole life and saw my mom getting assaulted once, I was very isolated growing up and I didn’t understand it was wrong. <ee> <es>So the first time my ex raped me I didn’t realize it was actually rape.<ee> <es>He kept trying to have sex with me after I smoked a bunch of weed and could barely stay awake, I grabbed his wrist at one point shoved it away and yelled no stop it I don’t to, then he pinned me down and forcefully have sex with me, I looked away the whole time and gave up fighting after a while.<ee> <es>When he was done he kissed me gently and rolled over and went to sleep.<ee> <es>I fell off the bed after I was let go and put my clothes back on and left his house and caught the bus home.<ee> <es>After this we never talked about it and I didn’t like having sex with him.<ee> <es>But he’d still make me.<ee> <es>We’d be lying down and he’d just start doing it and I wouldn’t move or say anything, I’d just let him.<ee> <efs>I was so scared.<efe> <es>This happened more times then I can count.<ee> <efs>Normally though I’d say no, get off, and he’d do it anyways and I’d just give up, it felt horrible and disgusting but he’d tell me my body was his so he was aloud to do this.<efe> <es>He confessed to being addicted to raping me once. <ee> <es>Sometimes I’d run out of the house and he’d chase me down the street and grab me and force me back in the house and I’d be so scared at that point because even if I screamed no one cared, he’d have sex with me and once again I wouldn’t say anything apart for no a couple times.<ee> <es>He was so scary.<ee> <es>I couldn’t leave so I felt like I didn’t have a choice.<ee> <es>I did fight back and was physically forced a lot though too...idk...<ee> <es>But is it rape if I just don’t say anything and just lay there unresponsive or say no but then give up and “let” it happen?<re> <es>Or say no but then after struggling for a couple minutes just freeze and not do anything?<ee> <es>I tried to leave so many times and it always ended horrible.<ee> <es>Cops even took his side the one time they were involved. <ee> <efs>I feel like I don’t have the right to call this rape.<efe> <es>I told a therapist once that I couldn’t leave my abusive ex and she laughed and said “why it’s not like you were married?”<ee> <efs>Idk I’m just confused... it’s been 5 years and I still can’t accept it.<efe>
| 2 | 2 | 0 | null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you can't still get to terms with what you faced back then
| null | true | 220 |
eix4ec
|
Tired of everyone telling me "everyone is like that"
|
1b
|
rant
| 2 |
It's always been like that when I try to explain what ADHD is like (actually diagnosed, by the way). Everyone will tell me 'oh we all forget stuff sometimes' or 'we all get nervous'. I'm studying to become a teacher and I thought it was pretty funny how I met literally all of the requirements mentioned when we were talking about how to detect and help ADHD children in class, and I talked about it with my family (I don't live with them, this was over the phone).
Suddenly everyone is saying that everyone forgets things sometimes, that we all lose a pencil once in our lives and that doesn't mean anything. Even though all my live I've had to listen to lectures about how little attention I paid, how I lost and broke everything all the time, how I was always jittery and couldn't stay put without moving my legs or destroying napkins to do something with my hands.
So what is it? Am I always forgetful or nervous or not? You can't have it both ways, and no, forgetting something once isn't the same as having this... jittery monster that won't shut up inside of me.
Stupid rant, but I just had to get it out.
|
Crotalus6
| 1 | 0 | 14 |
2020-01-02 11:28:39
|
ADHD
|
<efs>Tired of everyone telling me "everyone is like that"<efe> <es>It's always been like that when I try to explain what ADHD is like (actually diagnosed, by the way).<ee> <es>Everyone will tell me 'oh we all forget stuff sometimes' or 'we all get nervous'.<ee> <es>I'm studying to become a teacher and I thought it was pretty funny how I met literally all of the requirements mentioned when we were talking about how to detect and help ADHD children in class, and I talked about it with my family (I don't live with them, this was over the phone).<ee> <es>Suddenly everyone is saying that everyone forgets things sometimes, that we all lose a pencil once in our lives and that doesn't mean anything.<ee> <es>Even though all my live I've had to listen to lectures about how little attention I paid, how I lost and broke everything all the time, how I was always jittery and couldn't stay put without moving my legs or destroying napkins to do something with my hands.<ee> <rs>So what is it?<re> <rs>Am I always forgetful or nervous or not?<re> <es>You can't have it both ways, and no, forgetting something once isn't the same as having this... jittery monster that won't shut up inside of me.<ee> <rs>Stupid rant, but I just had to get it out.<re>
| 2 | 1 | 2 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 212 |
em5ehh
|
Just need a place to put this..
|
1a
|
rant
| 2 |
I consider myself a well resourced individual in regards to overcoming the traumas I’ve faced throughout my life, and although I’ve continued to push through and tried to find a balance through various medication and talk therapies, I still find navigating the seas of this diagnosis increasingly more difficult.
We all have our hills to climb, and there’s no one way to do it, but I’m really tired of climbing. My waking hours are often filled with intrusive thoughts, anxiety, and the occasional flashbacks.. but it’s nothing compared to the horrors I face when I close my eyes.
Nearly every morning I wake in a panic unaware of where I am, feeling just as if I were back in the moment of coherence.. I have overwhelming feelings of shame, loss of self worth, and feel unable to connect with others on more than a superficial layer in person.
I hide behind my screen and allow others to only receive what I’m willing to give because I’ve had so many before take what wasn’t theirs.
I’m 29 and can’t imagine a life beyond my reality of the last several years. & while I have made significant improvements, I crave to share my life and love with another but fear I’m too broken to love, as I’ve been told by a previous partner.
|
SadGrlsClubb
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
2020-01-09 05:45:17
|
ptsd
|
<es>I consider myself a well resourced individual in regards to overcoming the traumas I’ve faced throughout my life, and although I’ve continued to push through and tried to find a balance through various medication and talk therapies, I still find navigating the seas of this diagnosis increasingly more difficult. <ee> <efs>We all have our hills to climb, and there’s no one way to do it, but I’m really tired of climbing.<efe> <es>My waking hours are often filled with intrusive thoughts, anxiety, and the occasional flashbacks.. but it’s nothing compared to the horrors I face when I close my eyes. <ee> <efs>Nearly every morning I wake in a panic unaware of where I am, feeling just as if I were back in the moment of coherence.. I have overwhelming feelings of shame, loss of self worth, and feel unable to connect with others on more than a superficial layer in person. <efe> <es>I hide behind my screen and allow others to only receive what I’m willing to give because I’ve had so many before take what wasn’t theirs. <ee> <es>I’m 29 and can’t imagine a life beyond my reality of the last several years. & while I have made significant improvements. <rs>I crave to share my life and love with another but fear I’m too broken to love, as I’ve been told by a previous partner.<re>
| 2 | 2 | 1 | null | null | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would help with the panic attacks
| null | true | 221 |
ewoowd
|
Worried about a fellow Redditor
|
0
|
rant
| 1 |
Around 28th December a woman posted here about how she had escaped her abusive husband with her teenage son and they were traveling in an old van across the country unsure which state they were heading to, she gave quite a lot of updates but hasn’t updated in 25/26 days, her last update I believe was how she had a phone conversation with her mil who had also been abusive toward her and she had basically made her feel bad. I was heavily invested emotionally in This story due to all the hope in it, I’ve started a chat with her and sent a message but with no reply, her last comment I believe was 25 days ago... I just really hope and pray that that phone call hasn’t caused her to go back to him as she was doing so well and on the verge of getting a job aswell. Don’t really know what I’m expecting from posting here, I suppose after escaping dv myself it brings back memories of all the hope leaving gives you only to return and it’s making me realise how my family must’ve felt 100x worse when I did this. I really hope she hasn’t gone back though.
|
panicattackcity91
| 1 | 0 | 33 |
2020-01-31 13:46:50
|
domesticviolence
|
Around 28th December a woman posted here about how she had escaped her abusive husband with her teenage son and they were traveling in an old van across the country unsure which state they were heading to, she gave quite a lot of updates but hasn’t updated in 25/26 days, her last update I believe was how she had a phone conversation with her mil who had also been abusive toward her and she had basically made her feel bad. I was heavily invested emotionally in This story due to all the hope in it, I’ve started a chat with her and sent a message but with no reply, her last comment I believe was 25 days ago... I just really hope and pray that that phone call hasn’t caused her to go back to him as she was doing so well and on the verge of getting a job aswell. Don’t really know what I’m expecting from posting here, I suppose after escaping dv myself it brings back memories of all the hope leaving gives you only to return and it’s making me realise how my family must’ve felt 100x worse when I did this. I really hope she hasn’t gone back though.
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
f8d3vm
|
Anger Issues hampering my Relationship with people around me.
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
I have a habit of transferring my anger and emotions to people around me. I get angry at them for someone else's mistake. I get angry easily compared to a normal person. My gf doesn't want me anymore now. I don't get physical but i say a lot of mean things when i am angry. Sometimes I don't speak when I get angry. Sometimes my whole body starts shivering due to anger. I have destroyed a few relationships with people because of my anger. My ego and my anger are making me bad person. I don't know what I can do to reduce my temper. I have never been physical to anyone when I have been angry.
Help will be appreciated.
|
MedicalMan03
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
2020-02-23 18:04:37
|
Anger
|
<es>I have a habit of transferring my anger and emotions to people around me.<ee> <es>I get angry at them for someone else's mistake.<ee> <es>I get angry easily compared to a normal person.<ee> <es>My gf doesn't want me anymore now.<ee> <es>I don't get physical but i say a lot of mean things when i am angry.<ee> <efs>Sometimes I don't speak when I get angry.<efe> <efs>Sometimes my whole body starts shivering due to anger.<efe> <es>I have destroyed a few relationships with people because of my anger.<ee> <es>My ego and my anger are making me bad person.<ee> <rs>I don't know what I can do to reduce my temper.<re> I have never been physical to anyone when I have been angry. <rs>Help will be appreciated.<re>
| 2 | 2 | 2 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
ejo5i4
|
Tiny victory, wrote instead of cut on my arm
|
0
|
rant
| 1 |
I am feeling horrible today and was having suicidal ideations and all that. So I wrote a message on my arm when I was having self harm urges, and then I went for a 3 hour walk. I just wanted to move until my legs hurt. I think my self harm urge may have spilled over into over-exercising, my feet are a bit blistered now. But I usually don't bother fighting the urge to cut, so it felt like a small victory worth sharing that I actually resisted it.
I wrote "My body is a living thing that deserves love and kindness." It just made me feel better for some reason.
|
Previous-Jellyfish
| 3 | 0 | 6 |
2020-01-03 23:58:03
|
selfharm
|
<efs>I am feeling horrible today and was having suicidal ideations and all that.<efe> <es>So I wrote a message on my arm when I was having self harm urges, and then I went for a 3 hour walk.<ee> <es>I just wanted to move until my legs hurt.<ee> <es>I think my self harm urge may have spilled over into over-exercising, my feet are a bit blistered now.<ee> <es>But I usually don't bother fighting the urge to cut, so it felt like a small victory worth sharing that I actually resisted it.<ee> I wrote "My body is a living thing that deserves love and kindness." It just made me feel better for some reason.
| 1 | 2 | 0 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what caused the suicidal thoughts
| null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are having suicidal thoughts
| null | true | 120 |
ezde2l
|
Dating a survivor and just need some guidance
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 2 |
I’m currently a month into “officially” dating a survivor. She was with an abuser for a little under 2 years, and at first, it was mostly mental and emotional, finally ending in one ugly physical episode and she hasn’t seen him since. This happened a little over a year ago.
We met 7 months ago, and roughly 8 months since the episode. We were casual for a long time because she clearly felt she wasn’t ready (and I understood), up until a month ago when we decided to be together.
For the most part it’s been great, but she warned me of potential issues that could arise which I am now seeing. I do feel like I put more into it than she does in the sense that she has a hard time opening up. It’s frustrating for me but I totally understand it. I’ve assured her I’ll be patient. But then I hear things like “I’m not sure I can ever love again” and it makes me uneasy. Not because she shouldn’t feel that way, but do I take her at her word? She also mentions that she still thinks about him, often times with mixed emotions. That’s another one that makes me feel uneasy.
I totally understand that it’s only been a little over a year for her and this process of healing takes time (and however long depends on the individual). I am more than willing to put in that time because I really feel she is worth it. I guess I am just looking for some advice, guidance, and perspective as to how to navigate this for myself as well as be as much of a help for her as I can.
|
anonymousbf123456
| 1 | 0 | 3 |
2020-02-05 17:53:06
|
domesticviolence
|
<es>I’m currently a month into “officially” dating a survivor.<ee> <es>She was with an abuser for a little under 2 years, and at first, it was mostly mental and emotional, finally ending in one ugly physical episode and she hasn’t seen him since.<ee> <es>This happened a little over a year ago. <ee> <es>We met 7 months ago, and roughly 8 months since the episode.<ee> <es>We were casual for a long time because she clearly felt she wasn’t ready (and I understood), up until a month ago when we decided to be together. <ee> <es>For the most part it’s been great, but she warned me of potential issues that could arise which I am now seeing.<ee> <efs>I do feel like I put more into it than she does in the sense that she has a hard time opening up.<efe> <efs>It’s frustrating for me but I totally understand it.<efe> <es>I’ve assured her I’ll be patient.<ee> <efs>But then I hear things like “I’m not sure I can ever love again” and it makes me uneasy.<efe> <efs>Not because she shouldn’t feel that way, but do I take her at her word?<efe> <es>She also mentions that she still thinks about him, often times with mixed emotions.<ee> <efs>That’s another one that makes me feel uneasy. <efe> <es>I totally understand that it’s only been a little over a year for her and this process of healing takes time (and however long depends on the individual).<ee> <es>I am more than willing to put in that time because I really feel she is worth it.<ee> <rs>I guess I am just looking for some advice, guidance, and perspective as to how to navigate this for myself as well as be as much of a help for her as I can.<re>
| 2 | 2 | 2 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
ei6wkl
|
Too weak to live in this world
|
1a
|
rant
| 1 |
Literally feel like this world is too much for me. Other people do it naturally and eventually get through but for some reason everything seems too overwhelming for me.
|
dndnf98
| 1 | 0 | 3 |
2019-12-31 18:41:02
|
depression
|
Literally feel like this world is too much for me. Other people do it naturally and eventually get through but for some reason everything seems too overwhelming for me.
| 0 | 1 | 0 |
What made you feel X ?
|
that the world is overwhelming
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how you feel overwhelmed
|
What can help you overcome X ?
|
this overwhelming feeling
| null | true | 10 |
eicnn9
|
Hi crisis maybe but just looking for any small advice which might have helped u in a similar situation xx
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 3 |
Hello I’m hoping that someone might know what I can do I really am trying to be accepting and empathetic and move forward,, I thought I might have a friend who I can feel normal and comfortable with and not become dependent and suspicious but now because I thought and they told me they wanted to spend some time with me this nye but they left me alone when I wasn’t looking to be with their friends and haven’t been in touch since. This is so embarrassing for me bcos I don’t have any other friends and anywhere to be and I feel so triggered and ashamed and I haven’t been able to do anything but cry. I know how toxic these kinds of friendships are having always been stuck in them and I was really hoping I had been making some progress and thought this time it was different but this is like a situation I get overly paranoid might happen but it’s actually happening so idk how to react ??! I relapsed quite badly into cutting as recentyly bcos I was dumb and agreed to visit family for Christmas and I couldn’t cope w them misgendering me / pointing out how masc I look and act / making jokes about other trans ppl and saying how weird and ugly they look all while I had no where to go cos it was a different city than I live and I felt so trapped and ugly and embarrassed and didn’t have anyone to talk to and I hoped it could just b a minor relapse cos of where I was but Its become part of my life again which I’m rly disappointed by. I am so crushed and my confidence is gone and I have no one validating to talk to cos iv not been able to make any friends in the community except this person I mention before and they were not interested in listening to me about it and said they were dealing w their own stuff which they spent hours telling me about which I don’t know just made me feel a bit weird ??? Idkk I would have liked for them to want to listen to me but maybe I’m just too sensitive and always want to be a victim ? : (( I feel so bad about allowing someone who i think is just trying their best hurt me so much. I’m so disappointed that I can’t ever have a friend without them becoming everything I attach my value to and I feel so cruel and ashamed by it. I know this is just venting but I’m in so much pain and rlly am struggling to hold onto any hope for the future and I’m sooo scared I just want to know what is something I can do right now cos all iv done today is get really high and cut myself which like yea i kno are the worst thing to do but I think im less chaotic now so I am looking for something nice I can do today that might make me feel better ? All I want for now is to believe I can be welcome and loving and comfortable some day so any small things I can do to regain that belief I would be greatful X
|
phedre666
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-01 02:22:18
|
BPD
|
<rs>Hello I’m hoping that someone might know what I can do I really am trying to be accepting and empathetic and move forward.<re> <es>I thought I might have a friend who I can feel normal and comfortable with and not become dependent and suspicious but now because I thought and they told me they wanted to spend some time with me this nye but they left me alone when I wasn’t looking to be with their friends and haven’t been in touch since.<ee> <efs>This is so embarrassing for me bcos I don’t have any other friends and anywhere to be and I feel so triggered and ashamed and I haven’t been able to do anything but cry.<efe> <es>I know how toxic these kinds of friendships are having always been stuck in them and I was really hoping I had been making some progress and thought this time it was different but this is like a situation I get overly paranoid might happen but it’s actually happening so idk how to react ??!<ee> <es>I relapsed quite badly into cutting as recentyly bcos I was dumb and agreed to visit family for Christmas and I couldn’t cope w them misgendering me / pointing out how masc I look and act / making jokes about other trans ppl and saying how weird and ugly they look all while I had no where to go cos it was a different city than I live.<ee> <efs>I felt so trapped and ugly and embarrassed and didn’t have anyone to talk to and I hoped it could just b a minor relapse cos of where I was but Its become part of my life again which I’m rly disappointed by.<efe> <efs>I am so crushed and my confidence is gone<efe> <es>I have no one validating to talk to cos iv not been able to make any friends in the community except this person I mention before and they were not interested in listening to me about it and said they were dealing w their own stuff which they spent hours telling me about which I don’t know just made me feel a bit weird ???<ee> <es>Idkk I would have liked for them to want to listen to me but maybe I’m just too sensitive and always want to be a victim ?<ee> <efs>: (( I feel so bad about allowing someone who i think is just trying their best hurt me so much.<efe> I’m so disappointed that I can’t ever have a friend without them becoming everything I attach my value to and I feel so cruel and ashamed by it.<efe> <efs>I know this is just venting but I’m in so much pain and rlly am struggling to hold onto any hope for the future and I’m sooo scared<efe> <rs>I just want to know what is something I can do right now cos all iv done today is get really high and cut myself which like yea i kno are the worst thing to do but I think im less chaotic now so I am looking for something nice I can do today that might make me feel better ?<re> <rs>All I want for now is to believe I can be welcome and loving and comfortable some day so any small things I can do to regain that belief I would be greatful X<re>
| 2 | 2 | 2 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
eqsdtw
|
I feel like my brain doesn't understand how to be in a healthy relationship?
|
1a
|
help-seeking
| 2 |
I have made a few posts here before but this is something I recently thought about. Recently, I ended a relationship with someone who absolutely adored me. We were dating for almost a year and, to keep it real, he is the most amazing person ever. He is sweet, patient, compassionate, and funny. However, I had such a hard time receiving this love. I was so frustrated with myself for not being able to love him despite the fact that I wanted to. There was always a part of me that craved the kind of unhealthy and toxic relationships that I was used to. I actually hated how nice we was. I hated that he loved me.
Honestly, I think my PTSD has fucked up my brain. I have never been in a relationship where I was actually treated well. I have been sexually assaulted or abused by every man I was ever in love with. I feel like my brain now associates the feeling of romantic love with sexual assault/toxic relationships? I genuinely think my brain doesn't understand how to be in a healthy relationship. I love my ex but it's like something is blocking me from *really* feeling that love. It's so hard to explain. All I know is that I repeatedly find myself being attracted to men who treat me like shit. And I feel so fucked up for breaking up with a man who wanted to give me everything. Who treated me like an absolute angel. I was wondering if anyone has anything to share about this. I really want to make things work with my ex but I can't get over this part of my brain that craves being mistreated. PTSD sucks and I'm so scared my brain is permanently screwed.
|
vintageblues00
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
2020-01-19 05:30:45
|
rapecounseling
|
I have made a few posts here before but this is something I recently thought about. <es>Recently, I ended a relationship with someone who absolutely adored me.<ee> <es>We were dating for almost a year and, to keep it real, he is the most amazing person ever.<ee> <es>He is sweet, patient, compassionate, and funny.<ee> <es>However, I had such a hard time receiving this love.<ee> <efs>I was so frustrated with myself for not being able to love him despite the fact that I wanted to.<efe> <efs>There was always a part of me that craved the kind of unhealthy and toxic relationships that I was used to.<efe> <efs>I actually hated how nice we was.<efe> <efs>I hated that he loved me. <efe> <es>Honestly, I think my PTSD has fucked up my brain.<ee> <es>I have never been in a relationship where I was actually treated well.<ee> <es>I have been sexually assaulted or abused by every man I was ever in love with.<ee> <efs>I feel like my brain now associates the feeling of romantic love with sexual assault/toxic relationships?<efe> <es>I genuinely think my brain doesn't understand how to be in a healthy relationship.<ee> <efs>I love my ex but it's like something is blocking me from *really* feeling that love.<efe> <es>It's so hard to explain.<ee> <es>All I know is that I repeatedly find myself being attracted to men who treat me like shit.<ee> <efs>And I feel so fucked up for breaking up with a man who wanted to give me everything.<efe> <es>Who treated me like an absolute angel.<ee> <rs> I was wondering if anyone has anything to share about this.<re> <rs>I really want to make things work with my ex but I can't get over this part of my brain that craves being mistreated. PTSD sucks and I'm so scared my brain is permanently screwed.<re>
| 2 | 2 | 2 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
eqbj7d
|
17 years today 1/17/2003. Today is my golden birthday
|
0
|
chitchat
| 2 | null |
go_ogledotcom
| 1 | 0 | 15 |
2020-01-18 04:00:03
|
alcoholicsanonymous
| null | 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
enunzx
|
Getting prepared to do my fifth step! What are some of your thoughts about/experiences with step five? Looking for both sponsee and sponsor points of view. Thanks in advance!
|
0
|
survey
| 1 | null |
MLE-Sea
| 1 | 0 | 3 |
2020-01-12 22:30:13
|
alcoholicsanonymous
|
<es> Getting prepared to do my fifth step!<ee> <rs>What are some of your thoughts about/experiences with step five?<re> <rs>Looking for both sponsee and sponsor points of view.<re> Thanks in advance! nan
| 2 | 0 | 2 | null | null |
How did X make you feel?
|
reaching the fifth step
| null | null | null | true | 202 |
ey173u
|
I can’t do it anymore
|
1b
|
rant
| 1 |
He kicks me out every time I ever do something to make him angry, which can be as something as simple as me breathing. When I want space during an argument he refuses to leave and refuses to let me leave. He punched me in the face tonight and flushed all my keys down the toilet. He finally came after me enough and destroyed my things that I stupidly slapped in the face. Of course he claims he recorded that. I can’t go for help because they will come after me. I think about how I can’t go on anymore so much and this was finally it. I got set up and now I am stuck and helpless.
|
Bananasquishe
| 1 | 0 | 3 |
2020-02-03 04:12:53
|
domesticviolence
|
<es>He kicks me out every time I ever do something to make him angry, which can be as something as simple as me breathing.<ee> <es>When I want space during an argument he refuses to leave and refuses to let me leave.<ee> <es>He punched me in the face tonight and flushed all my keys down the toilet.<ee> <es>He finally came after me enough and destroyed my things that I stupidly slapped in the face.<ee> <es>Of course he claims he recorded that.<ee> <es>I can’t go for help because they will come after me.<ee> <es>I think about how I can’t go on anymore so much and this was finally it.<ee> <efs>I got set up and now I am stuck and helpless.<efe>
| 2 | 1 | 0 | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how you feel about the physical abuse
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are unable to leave your abuser
| null | true | 210 |
eisdrl
|
Hurting and possibly injured
|
1b
|
rant
| 3 |
I am in a bad domestic violent situation with my husband of 4 years. Lately his violent attacks have increased and I hate to say this feels like it came from nowhere. He was an angel when I met him. Loving me and treating me with respect. I never expected for him to do the things he did to me recently. The abuse took a full swing in September when he punched me in my arms and back and left bruises... the next day he apologized and made a promise to seek help.
I believed him and every part of me felt angry, but hey at least he’s trying.
Fast forward to New Year’s Eve night approximately 2:00 am, my husband and I fought recently over something so small and mundane (name calling on his part in which I told him to stop). I came home from a NYE party to rest on the bed, scroll through Facebook and put our 1 year old to sleep. Suddenly husband is walking in from work and greets the baby and me acting like our fight never took place. I greet him, but mind you I’m still in the bed very tired at watching little bean all day. This angers him. So I decide to go into the kitchen. I ask him why he’s not eating the food I cooked for him, he mumbles something (don’t really recall), but I see he’s getting really pissed so I go back to bed because I’m just wiped. Next thing I know he’s yelling and screaming at me in the room and asking why I’m not serving him sitting out there with him and acting like I don’t care about him. I explain to him I’m really tired from the party and that my stomach hurts because I ate too much. At this point he’s screaming so much I just shut down and go on my phone...big mistake. He suddenly leaps into the bed and starts slapping the back of my neck pushing me out of the bed. I shriek and corner myself into the wall he tries to hit me more I just kick him off. Mind you, my 1yo is on the bed looking at us with his mouth agape and eyes wide. Suddenly, he backs off and I square up to protect my face, he sees this as a invitation to continue fighting and I scurry to the bathroom while asking him to please not hit me. I’m by the entryway of the bathroom and for a second I dropped my hands for something and got a hard slap to my jaw/neck/right ear that almost knocked me off my feet and I accidentally urinated on myself. At that point he’s done and he takes his pillow and sleeps on the couch while my 1 yo and me sleep in the bed in my arms. Today New Year’s Day, as soon as I woke up and I got me and my son dressed and fed and went to an urgent care clinic where a doctor examined me and put in an order for an x-ray tomorrow. I didn’t tell the doctor my husband did this I told him I got into a fight and been icing the area on and off along with taking ibuprofen. When I returned home, I went right back to bed because my neck, head and back was still hurting. My husband approaches me and wants to know about what the doctor said. I told him about the x ray and pain. He looks at it and says it’s not that bad. I don’t react and just tell him I’m going to sleep. He rejects my wishes and demands we patch this fight up. At this point so you know I’m damaged and just respond and say what he wants to hear so to stop him from attacking me. I apologize to him about cause the fight and promising him to not cause fights like these ever again. He said I caused the fight and that I’m responsible. He then promises to never hit me again. All the while I cannot look him in the eye because I’m afraid of him and he keeps telling me “look at me, my face is right here, stop looking down”.
He then says to make up for this you need to have sex with me. I resist and leave the room as I don’t want any affection and just want rest. He orders me back into the room and yeah raped me. I’m balling my eyes out and was saying I want my mom. I guess I was too loud for him and he struck me on the right side where I have that injury twice. He told me he doesn’t want his brother to hear me crying in the next room. He said to me stop crying. I stopped crying due to fear he would continue hitting me. After I went straight to the bathroom crying and red. I showered off and went to sleep and feigned that I was sleep so he would leave for work. Just an FYI, our 1yo was sleeping in the crib in his room when this event took place. Husband knew this and I believe took advantage of the opportunity to assault me. I need advice please, like I said the abuse started in September and he is only getting worst and hitting harder, possibly causing injury. Each time he has hit me I’ve taken pictures of the attack. The only change he’s made in his life is he’s using marijuana daily, but as far as I know doesn’t drink or do drugs...he’s just abusive. Any advice suggestions, 1st marriage and never really saw a healthy, happy marriage growing up. Because of growing up without a father is the only reason I haven’t left yet for my son.
|
toninyl2338
| 1 | 0 | 5 |
2020-01-02 03:10:56
|
domesticviolence
|
<es>I am in a bad domestic violent situation with my husband of 4 years.<ee> <es>Lately his violent attacks have increased and I hate to say this feels like it came from nowhere.<ee> <es>He was an angel when I met him.<ee> <es>Loving me and treating me with respect.<ee> <es>I never expected for him to do the things he did to me recently.<ee> <es>The abuse took a full swing in September when he punched me in my arms and back and left bruises...<ee> <es>the next day he apologized and made a promise to seek help.<ee> <efs> I believed him and every part of me felt angry, but hey at least he’s trying. <efe> <es>Fast forward to New Year’s Eve night approximately 2:00 am, my husband and I fought recently over something so small and mundane (name calling on his part in which I told him to stop).<ee> <es>I came home from a NYE party to rest on the bed, scroll through Facebook and put our 1 year old to sleep.<ee> <es>Suddenly husband is walking in from work and greets the baby and me acting like our fight never took place.<ee> <es>I greet him, but mind you I’m still in the bed very tired at watching little bean all day.<ee> <es>This angers him.<ee> <es>So I decide to go into the kitchen.<ee> <es>I ask him why he’s not eating the food I cooked for him, he mumbles something (don’t really recall), but I see he’s getting really pissed so I go back to bed because I’m just wiped.<ee> <es>Next thing I know he’s yelling and screaming at me in the room and asking why I’m not serving him sitting out there with him and acting like I don’t care about him.<ee> <es>I explain to him I’m really tired from the party and that my stomach hurts because I ate too much.<ee> <es>At this point he’s screaming so much I just shut down and go on my phone...big mistake.<ee> <es>He suddenly leaps into the bed and starts slapping the back of my neck pushing me out of the bed.<ee> <es>I shriek and corner myself into the wall he tries to hit me more I just kick him off.<ee> <es>Mind you, my 1yo is on the bed looking at us with his mouth agape and eyes wide.<ee> <es>Suddenly, he backs off and I square up to protect my face, he sees this as a invitation to continue fighting and I scurry to the bathroom while asking him to please not hit me.<ee> <es>I’m by the entryway of the bathroom and for a second I dropped my hands for something and got a hard slap to my jaw/neck/right ear that almost knocked me off my feet and I accidentally urinated on myself.<ee> <es>At that point he’s done and he takes his pillow and sleeps on the couch while my 1 yo and me sleep in the bed in my arms.<ee> <es>Today New Year’s Day, as soon as I woke up and I got me and my son dressed and fed and went to an urgent care clinic where a doctor examined me and put in an order for an x-ray tomorrow.<ee> <es>I didn’t tell the doctor my husband did this I told him I got into a fight and been icing the area on and off along with taking ibuprofen.<ee> <es>When I returned home, I went right back to bed because my neck, head and back was still hurting.<ee> <es>My husband approaches me and wants to know about what the doctor said.<ee> <es>I told him about the x ray and pain.<ee> <es>He looks at it and says it’s not that bad.<ee> <es>I don’t react and just tell him I’m going to sleep.<ee> <es>He rejects my wishes and demands we patch this fight up.<ee> <es>At this point so you know I’m damaged and just respond and say what he wants to hear so to stop him from attacking me.<ee> <es>I apologize to him about cause the fight and promising him to not cause fights like these ever again.<ee> <es>He said I caused the fight and that I’m responsible.<ee> <es>He then promises to never hit me again.<ee> <efs>All the while I cannot look him in the eye because I’m afraid of him and he keeps telling me “look at me, my face is right here, stop looking down”. <efe> <es>He then says to make up for this you need to have sex with me.<ee> <es>I resist and leave the room as I don’t want any affection and just want rest.<ee> <es>He orders me back into the room and yeah raped me.<ee> <efs>I’m balling my eyes out and was saying I want my mom.<efe> <es>I guess I was too loud for him and he struck me on the right side where I have that injury twice.<ee> <es>He told me he doesn’t want his brother to hear me crying in the next room.<ee> <es>He said to me stop crying.<ee> <efs>I stopped crying due to fear he would continue hitting me.<efe> <es>After I went straight to the bathroom crying and red.<ee> <es>I showered off and went to sleep and feigned that I was sleep so he would leave for work.<ee> <es>Just an FYI, our 1yo was sleeping in the crib in his room when this event took place.<ee> <es>Husband knew this and I believe took advantage of the opportunity to assault me.<ee> <rs>I need advice please.<re> <es>like I said the abuse started in September and he is only getting worst and hitting harder, possibly causing injury.<ee> <es>Each time he has hit me I’ve taken pictures of the attack.<ee> <es>The only change he’s made in his life is he’s using marijuana daily, but as far as I know doesn’t drink or do drugs...he’s just abusive.<ee> <rs>Any advice suggestions, 1st marriage and never really saw a healthy, happy marriage growing up.<re> <es>Because of growing up without a father is the only reason I haven’t left yet for my son.<ee>
| 2 | 2 | 2 | null | null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 222 |
ekj0ip
|
It's not my first breakup, but it still hurts
|
1b
|
rant
| 2 |
Yesterday I was with my boyfriend for five months. It's not really long, but I loved those 5 months.
To put it in context, before I met him, I was coming out of a 3-year relationship, where the person cheated on me twice before leaving me. It took me a year to fully recover.
Then I "met" (we already knew each other to tell the truth) my boyfriend. We got together and he helped me to believe in love again... I am someone who is very afraid to project himself, and yet I believed in us. I thought we could be together for so long. And then when he dropped me off at the station today, he told me it was over. That he has no more feelings, that he thought it was temporary, that he tried, but there was nothing left. And... I don't understand. I know that feelings are out of control. But I'm in so much pain... I've lost part of my heart, even though it hasn't been for long.
I know that I need time. I know I'll get over it...
I just... I don't understand why it all ended so suddenly, without warning... Because everything was fine, honestly. There were no "signs" or anything.
I just want to understand...
|
Nionlys
| 1 | 0 | 10 |
2020-01-05 20:58:47
|
selfhelp
|
<es>Yesterday I was with my boyfriend for five months.<ee> <es>It's not really long, but I loved those 5 months. <ee> <es>To put it in context, before I met him, I was coming out of a 3-year relationship, where the person cheated on me twice before leaving me.<ee> <es>It took me a year to fully recover. <ee> <es>Then I "met" (we already knew each other to tell the truth) my boyfriend.<ee> <es>We got together and he helped me to believe in love again... I am someone who is very afraid to project himself, and yet I believed in us.<ee> <es>I thought we could be together for so long.<ee> <es>And then when he dropped me off at the station today, he told me it was over.<ee> <es>That he has no more feelings, that he thought it was temporary, that he tried, but there was nothing left.<ee> <es>And... I don't understand.<ee> <es>I know that feelings are out of control.<ee> <efs>But I'm in so much pain... I've lost part of my heart, even though it hasn't been for long. <efe> I know that I need time. I know I'll get over it... <es>I just... I don't understand why it all ended so suddenly, without warning... Because everything was fine, honestly.<ee> <es>There were no "signs" or anything. <ee> I just want to understand...
| 2 | 2 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
your boyfriend broke up suddenly
| null | true | 220 |
eji91j
|
feeling so lost
|
1a
|
rant
| 2 |
ive always struggled so much mentally but things were looking up for a second cause i got a new job and absolutely love all my coworkers and i was making new friends there and even met a special person who helped me discover im bi. me and that person began talking everyday and i honestly thought she felt the same about me because she always returned the energy and i fell so hard for her and life kind of become more worthy of living to me because the possibility of being with her one day ... i know its so unhealthy to place all your happiness into one thing especially a person but it feels like thats all i can do because nothing really brings me as much joy. anyways she came into work a few days ago with this girl that seemed to be a girlfriend because they were touching each other n i instantly got so sad. she hasn’t texted me since i saw her that day which is unusual because like i said we text everyday usually. i just feel so sad and empty again and i usually like drawing and cooking but i dont really have the mental capacity to do either... all i think about is if me and her will ever talk again and im only 17 so i know realistically nothing would’ve came of it and im still so young blah blah but it doesnt hurt any less man. idk if this is the right sub for all this i just feel so clueless right now because im all alone with my thoughts since i barely get scheduled for work and have very few friends... thanks to anyone who reads 👍🏻👍🏻
|
wagswanson
| 4 | 0 | 6 |
2020-01-03 17:04:41
|
selfhelp
|
<es>ive always struggled so much mentally but things were looking up for a second cause i got a new job and absolutely love all my coworkers and i was making new friends there and even met a special person who helped me discover im bi.<ee> <es>me and that person began talking everyday and i honestly thought she felt the same about me because she always returned the energy and i fell so hard for her and life kind of become more worthy of living to me because the possibility of being with her one day ...<ee> <es>i know its so unhealthy to place all your happiness into one thing especially a person but it feels like thats all i can do because nothing really brings me as much joy.<ee> <es>anyways she came into work a few days ago with this girl that seemed to be a girlfriend because they were touching each other<ee> n <efs>i instantly got so sad.<efe> <es>she hasn’t texted me since i saw her that day which is unusual because like i said we text everyday usually.<ee> <efs>i just feel so sad and empty again and i usually like drawing and cooking but i dont really have the mental capacity to do either...<efe> <efs>all i think about is if me and her will ever talk again and im only 17 so i know realistically nothing would’ve came of it and im still so young blah blah but it doesnt hurt any less man.<efe> idk if this is the right sub for all this. <efs>i just feel so clueless right now because im all alone with my thoughts since i barely get scheduled for work and have very few friends...<efe> thanks to anyone who reads 👍🏻👍🏻
| 2 | 2 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are hurting from this situation
| null | true | 220 |
f1t9ku
|
I don't understand this--can you help me?
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 2 |
I left my abusive ex 12 years ago. My son now doesn't want to live with him and as part of the lawsuit about that my ex insisted we do a parental alienation assessment and the assessor had my domestic violence police reports, pictures of the kids with bruises, CPS reports, the entire thing.
This is where I need help. She said: there is no evidence that there is any abuse in dad's house now NOR THAT THERE HAS EVER BEEN ABUSE in dad's house. Then she said that I have demonstrated a persistent pattern of deliberate deception by insisting to authority figures since the divorce, including her, that my ex is aggressive, and that is part of my alienating behavior.
WHAT IS HAPPENING.
She has the police reports. The pictures of the bruises. The CPS reports. How could she 1) believe that there was never abuse in his house but more importantly 2) believe that I was being deceptive when I say he's aggressive. It's not deceptive if I believe it or if it is TRUE.
I feel really unseen.
Help.
|
turtlingaroundtown
| 1 | 0 | 5 |
2020-02-10 17:06:00
|
domesticviolence
|
<es>I left my abusive ex 12 years ago.<ee> <es>My son now doesn't want to live with him and as part of the lawsuit about that my ex insisted we do a parental alienation assessment and the assessor had my domestic violence police reports, pictures of the kids with bruises, CPS reports, the entire thing. <ee> <rs>This is where I need help.<re> <es>She said: there is no evidence that there is any abuse in dad's house now NOR THAT THERE HAS EVER BEEN ABUSE in dad's house.<ee> <es>Then she said that I have demonstrated a persistent pattern of deliberate deception by insisting to authority figures since the divorce, including her, that my ex is aggressive, and that is part of my alienating behavior. <ee> <rs>WHAT IS HAPPENING. <re> <es>She has the police reports.<ee> <es>The pictures of the bruises.<ee> <es>The CPS reports.<ee> <rs>How could she 1) believe that there was never abuse in his house but more importantly 2) believe that I was being deceptive when I say he's aggressive.<re> It's not deceptive if I believe it or if it is TRUE. <efs>I feel really unseen. <efe> <rs>Help.<re>
| 2 | 1 | 1 | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
why you feel unseen
|
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
what would help you get your son's custody
| null | true | 211 |
einea4
|
Deja vu anxiety attack?
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
I frequently have bouts of intense deja vu (lasting like 30sec per experience) they come suddenly and with a huge wave of anxiety.
Sometimes they don't happen for months and appear again happening multiple times a day.
I've never found an answer to what this might be so I thought I'd ask here, since I have adhd.
|
SerialSlanderer
| 1 | 0 | 3 |
2020-01-01 20:37:22
|
ADHD
|
<es>I frequently have bouts of intense deja vu (lasting like 30sec per experience) they come suddenly and with a huge wave of anxiety. <ee> <es>Sometimes they don't happen for months and appear again happening multiple times a day.<ee> <es>I've never found an answer to what this might be so I thought I'd ask here, since I have adhd.<ee>
| 2 | 0 | 0 | null | null |
How did X make you feel?
|
the frequent bouts of deja vu
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you are having frequent bouts of deja vu
| null | true | 200 |
ej0axv
|
Everyday I wake up feeling so goddamn miserable
|
1a
|
rant
| 1 |
Everyday I wake up feeling so goddamn miserable, wishing I could change something from the past that is making me feel so bad about myself right now, it was the worst decision of my last years and since then, I haven’t got to feel genuinely good.
|
farrisbeullor
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-02 16:23:57
|
sad
|
<efs>Everyday I wake up feeling so goddamn miserable, wishing I could change something from the past that is making me feel so bad about myself right now.<efe> <es>it was the worst decision of my last years and since then.<ee> <efs>I haven’t got to feel genuinely good.<efe>
| 1 | 2 | 0 |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
your worst decision
| null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you feel miserable about your decision
| null | true | 120 |
ejcgej
|
Memory
|
0
|
survey
| 1 |
I suppose I don’t have much of one. It’s beginning to register that other people remember way more than me about their pasts. Does anyone else here feel like their memory is a series of insignificant patches?
|
BasedWhiskey
| 31 | 0 | 12 |
2020-01-03 08:06:28
|
BPD
|
<es>Memory<ee> <es>I suppose I don’t have much of one.<ee> <es>It’s beginning to register that other people remember way more than me about their pasts.<ee> <es>Does anyone else here feel like their memory is a series of insignificant patches?<ee>
| 2 | 0 | 0 | null | null |
How did X make you feel?
|
having insignificant patches of memory
|
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you don't have a complete memory of your past
| null | true | 200 |
esgjpc
|
I feel stuck.
|
1a
|
rant
| 2 |
Current Situation. I'm single, 27M. I live in a small house in a rural area, I have a one hour commute each way and it's been a major hindrance to my social life. This was necessary for a long time due to the high cost of housing, but I do have a down payment saved up and am ready to move. I'd say my goals are to make more friends, get into a relationship, continue with my education (maybe a degree, but generally for self improvement), and have time for my hobbies (mostly reading and fitness). I have a stable desk job that pays ok but is boring. I've been in the same job for five years and am not sure that there's much room to move up.
The impetus for this post is that several factors have come together at once. I have a down payment saved up and can finally afford to move into the city (literally within walking distance to my current job if I wanted), I think this will really improve my social life and I'd have a lot more free time. Additionally, I received a professional license which should in theory let me get a better job.
My issue is that I don't know what to do next. I could stay where I'm at (I'll probably a raise bc of the license) and live a comfortable if boring life. This isn't the worst thing, but I feel like I could do better. I don't know if I should start looking for another job, maybe something that's more interesting, but I'm worried the conditions won't be as good (I have stable hours, lots of vacation time, and it's in a nice area). I'm interested in getting a masters degree, but it just feels wasted since it's not valued in my industry. I have considered moving close to work, long enough to get a masters degree (perhaps 2-3 years) then changing jobs after. I do really feel like I've wasted a lot of my life because I live in a remote location, but I also feel like I can't make changes until I move nearer, and I can't move until I decide what I'm doing career-wise.
I did receive advice to the effect of 'apply for jobs and see what happens'. I feel like this makes a lot of sense but I dread the thought that I'll wallow in uncertainty for months, especially since I've wasted so much time already and I'm ready to move on now. I am very confident that I could find a new job, I just don't know what I want to do. Thanks for reading.
|
Content-Cicada
| 1 | 0 | 5 |
2020-01-22 19:09:02
|
selfhelp
|
Current Situation. <es>I'm single, 27M.<ee> <es>I live in a small house in a rural area, I have a one hour commute each way and it's been a major hindrance to my social life.<ee> <es>This was necessary for a long time due to the high cost of housing, but I do have a down payment saved up and am ready to move.<ee> <es>I'd say my goals are to make more friends, get into a relationship, continue with my education (maybe a degree, but generally for self improvement), and have time for my hobbies (mostly reading and fitness).<ee> <es>I have a stable desk job that pays ok but is boring.<ee> <es>I've been in the same job for five years and am not sure that there's much room to move up.<ee> <es>The impetus for this post is that several factors have come together at once.<ee> <es>I have a down payment saved up and can finally afford to move into the city (literally within walking distance to my current job if I wanted), I think this will really improve my social life and I'd have a lot more free time.<ee> <es>Additionally, I received a professional license which should in theory let me get a better job. <ee> <es>My issue is that I don't know what to do next.<ee> <es>I could stay where I'm at (I'll probably a raise bc of the license) and live a comfortable if boring life.<ee> <efs>This isn't the worst thing, but I feel like I could do better.<efe> <es>I don't know if I should start looking for another job, maybe something that's more interesting, but I'm worried the conditions won't be as good (I have stable hours, lots of vacation time, and it's in a nice area).<ee> <efs>I'm interested in getting a masters degree, but it just feels wasted since it's not valued in my industry.<efe> <es>I have considered moving close to work, long enough to get a masters degree (perhaps 2-3 years) then changing jobs after.<ee> <efs>I do really feel like I've wasted a lot of my life because I live in a remote location, but I also feel like I can't make changes until I move nearer, and I can't move until I decide what I'm doing career-wise. <efe> <es>I did receive advice to the effect of 'apply for jobs and see what happens'.<ee> <efs>I feel like this makes a lot of sense but I dread the thought that I'll wallow in uncertainty for months, especially since I've wasted so much time already and I'm ready to move on now.<efe> <es>I am very confident that I could find a new job, I just don't know what I want to do.<ee> Thanks for reading.
| 2 | 2 | 0 | null | null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you feel a comfortable life would be boring
| null | true | 220 |
f5e1yg
|
Hi guys, here's Leonard Cohen on Depression. Really Rather Illuminating :)
|
0
|
chitchat
| 1 |
Hi guys, here's Leonard Cohen on Depression. Really Rather Illuminating :) I said that twice. Here's the youtube video link - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAoHYBpj8vY&t=2s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAoHYBpj8vY&t=2s)
Peace
Rob
|
RobMarenghi
| 1 | 0 | 1 |
2020-02-17 19:26:15
|
getting_over_it
|
Hi guys, here's Leonard Cohen on Depression. Really Rather Illuminating :) I said that twice. Here's the youtube video link - [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAoHYBpj8vY&t=2s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAoHYBpj8vY&t=2s) Peace Rob
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null |
random
| true | 0 |
en2emg
|
Seizures as a symptom/side effect?
|
1b
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
Hey guys. Last year, February, I got out of an abusive seven-month relationship. It's left me with issues, heh, obviously. My recovery hasn't been the best. I still frequent the coffee shop he assaulted me countless times behind. I actually ran into him at a Hot Topic 2 hours from where we live over the summer. I have my setbacks, and I work on getting over them.
But I started having seizures in October. It started off as dizziness, passing out a lot, vertigo. It turned into seizures where I would just... black out and start convulsing during moments of stress. It's to the point I've been pulled out of school into a homebound program. When we went to a neurologist, they diagnosed it as psychogenic non-epileptic seizures. And it came as a huge blow to me. I've been trying to say I'm okay, I've been trying to act like I'm okay.
I guess my question is, does anyone else struggle with this? I feel so isolated and while I'm stuck at home I want to talk about it. If that's okay.
|
loganishh
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-11 03:54:08
|
ptsd
|
Hey guys. <es>Last year, February, I got out of an abusive seven-month relationship.<ee> <es>It's left me with issues, heh, obviously.<ee> <es>My recovery hasn't been the best.<ee> <es>I still frequent the coffee shop he assaulted me countless times behind.<ee> <es>I actually ran into him at a Hot Topic 2 hours from where we live over the summer.<ee> <es>I have my setbacks, and I work on getting over them. <ee> <es>But I started having seizures in October.<ee> <es>It started off as dizziness, passing out a lot, vertigo.<ee> <es>It turned into seizures where I would just... black out and start convulsing during moments of stress.<ee> <es>It's to the point I've been pulled out of school into a homebound program.<ee> <es>When we went to a neurologist, they diagnosed it as psychogenic non-epileptic seizures.<ee> <es>And it came as a huge blow to me.<ee> <es>I've been trying to say I'm okay, I've been trying to act like I'm okay.<ee> <rs>I guess my question is, does anyone else struggle with this?<re> <efs>I feel so isolated and while I'm stuck at home I want to talk about it.<efe> If that's okay.
| 2 | 1 | 2 | null | null |
Can you elaborate more on X ?
|
how the seizures make you feel
| null | null | null | true | 212 |
eiwhc2
|
being let down by the same person over and over again
|
1b
|
rant
| 1 |
she’s my best friend but she does that all the time. it always starts with something that we both look forward to. that can be some kind of event or just a simple day that we want to spend together. i’m always really excited for such things even when they’re really simple because i spend most of my time alone at home doing pretty much nothing and it’s nice to spend time with a friend every once in a while. but most of the time she just cancels plans last minute for some stupid reason. like for example i woke up early this morning because i wanted to shower, pick out a nice outfit and get ready. i’ve been really excited to see her. 10 minutes ago she texted me she can’t come. i know i make it sound more dramatic than it is but it just really hurts my feelings in a way. it makes me feel worthless. i feel like crying now. what’s wrong with me?
|
swmr58
| 1 | 0 | 2 |
2020-01-02 10:11:09
|
sad
|
<es>she’s my best friend but she does that all the time.<ee> <es>it always starts with something that we both look forward to.<ee> <es>that can be some kind of event or just a simple day that we want to spend together.<ee> <es>i’m always really excited for such things even when they’re really simple because i spend most of my time alone at home doing pretty much nothing and it’s nice to spend time with a friend every once in a while.<ee> <es>but most of the time she just cancels plans last minute for some stupid reason.<ee> <es>like for example i woke up early this morning because i wanted to shower, pick out a nice outfit and get ready.<ee> <es>i’ve been really excited to see her. 10 minutes ago she texted me she can’t come.<ee> <efs>i know i make it sound more dramatic than it is but it just really hurts my feelings in a way.<efe> <efs>it makes me feel worthless.<efe> <efs>i feel like crying now.<efe> what’s wrong with me?
| 2 | 2 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null |
What do you need help with now that X?
|
you feel upset about your friend cancelling the plans
| null | true | 220 |
f3gola
|
Conducting a research paper on males raped by females
|
0
|
help-seeking
| 1 |
I apologize if this is the wrong sub, kind of a hard thing to find any data on. I’m doing a project for a sociology class on male rape by women. Oddly enough I was randomly assigned this topic, it’s how I actually lost my virginity so using myself as a source is kinda strange.
The topic is hard to pin, many don’t report and most key words for research pull up male on female assaults. If anyone can point me in a good and valid direction I’d appreciate it
|
efukt-xhamster
| 1 | 0 | 3 |
2020-02-13 20:53:08
|
rapecounseling
|
I apologize if this is the wrong sub, kind of a hard thing to find any data on. I’m doing a project for a sociology class on male rape by women. Oddly enough I was randomly assigned this topic, it’s how I actually lost my virginity so using myself as a source is kinda strange. The topic is hard to pin, many don’t report and most key words for research pull up male on female assaults. If anyone can point me in a good and valid direction I’d appreciate it
| 0 | 0 | 0 |
Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.
| null | null | null | null | null | null | true | 0 |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.