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depression symptom checklist speaking to area man as no poem ever could
ball park franks introduces new foot-wide hotdogs
bored gop vetting rand paul just to kill time before viable 2016 candidate emerges
lone, weak bystander targeted by pack of female friends who want their picture taken
ruth bader ginsburg debating whether to cancel winter vacation climbing k2
actual problem a nice change of pace for anxious man
secretary of treasury announces plan to remove gross penny from circulation
amazon ceo jeff bezos: my advice to anyone starting a business is to remember that someday i will crush you
blog: i wish the avatars were yellow (by james cameron)
bag of potatoes desperately searching for dirt
rod stewart mistaken for elderly aunt
super bowl stadium solemnly stands, places hands over heart for maroon 5 halftime show
report: fax machines still pretty impressive if you think about it
hillary clinton campaign shuts down after blowing through $2 billion in first month
kid diving into pile of leaves has no idea there homeless guy jerking off in there
town nervously welcomes veteran back home
the scream poster stolen from area dorm room
how i made 12 000 in 20 days without spending a dime?7o_dz_l5_3gz
manufacturer manufactures love to wife
3 cups of coffee confident they can take man’s anxiety from here
man wearing sunglasses upside down on back of head still recovering from paul walker’s death
stephen miller palms ice agent $50 bill in exchange for a little alone time with detained migrants
life: incredible: this innovative cpr dummy comes with a second dummy that audibly mourns its dead son
huckabee sanders tells colleagues she’s taking temporary post as google ceo before transitioning into full-time role as sultan of brunei
man with new generator hoping for power outage
cryptic long john silver's campaign just says 'you are the bait now'
teen’s natural drive to murder sexual rivals successfully channeled into ‘super smash bros.’ victory
clinton to get teeth cleaning, glasses before coverage runs out
speeding up the game: the mlb will no longer allow pitchers to deliver stirring monologues between pitches
horrified authorities discover one-day-old funnel cake abandoned in dumpster
senate passes bipartisan resolution preventing themselves from stopping trump
if hamster only knew what happened to last hamster
experimental anti-aging treatment still has few kinks, report infant researchers
open-minded music lover likes all kinds of metal
cameron crowe to release only soundtracks
my ex - whore, nickname: liza118. search can be registered
update: 'the onion' has halted production on our travel tips video narrated by jeremy piven
eulogy filled with pro-christian propaganda
104-year-old reveals secret to long life being cursed by witch to wander earth eternally
eric trump scolds father that he mustn’t inquire about the businesses, for he’s sworn not to tell
every driver in roundabout just winging it
major breakthrough: medical researchers just announced that a 400-pound child simply ain’t right
failed musician comes crawling back to hometown
nation horrified to discover cory booker already a senator
despite armie hammer profile in 'good housekeeping' magazine, 'lone ranger' a flop at box office
8 photos of fat emma stone that i have brought to you from my dimension at great personal cost
top issues for voters in the 2016 election
united states sends laos bill for 80 million undetonated bombs still left in country from vietnam war
'new york times' reader stoked after noticing article penned by favorite reporting duo
honda civic refusing to start engine in solidarity with striking uber workers
hope in students' eyes too much for screenwriting teacher to handle this week
new app matches you with others in vicinity who wasted $2.99 on same app
ted nugent talks that way even when buying socks
area dad to spend next few days or so telling son it important to respect women
pence unveils campaign to educate teens about dangers of premarital eye contact
dad spends entire vacation 8 steps ahead of family
a primer on everyday sexism
gunman opens fire in own mcdonald's
spooked rubio staffers drive slowly past abandoned jeb bush campaign headquarters
man has never given single definitive yes to any invitation he's ever received
disgusting gyro meat magically turns delicious after midnight
8-year-old boy surprises marine dad during firefight in afghanistan
man forced to pathetically comb through movie for familiar scene after falling asleep previous night
philip morris: 'please talk to your cooler children about cigarettes'
daytime-talk-show mixup leads to 1,000-pound- man makeover
cat likes it doggy style
beautiful: this boy put the basketball under his shirt and now he is pregnant with the basketball
the onion apologizes
warren buffett tells colleagues about exciting investment opportunity he recently discovered selling mary kay beauty products
watching thousands march in his honor unlocks deeper, darker corner of trump’s psyche
man's bloodstream enjoys hour-long intermission between coffee, alcohol blitzes
‘moonlight’ named best picture after mishap
blog: our country has become worryingly desensitized to violence in hot-sauce names
steven spielberg criticizes netflix for ruining golden age of pandering big-budget corporate films
new rnc ad endorses roy moore: ‘he’s a scumbag, but he’s our scumbag’
man invisible on gchat observes world from impregnable perch
political pundits surprisingly good at getting inside mentally unbalanced shooter's head
nation's financial advisors recommend capturing magical creature that grants wishes
dog doesn't consider itself part of family
'employees must wash hands' signs top iraqi hospital wish list
glorious heyday of youth spent in parking lot
applebee's steak sent back for not being properly slathered
are we meeting the needs of our nation's rich?
burned-out coffee-shop employee just lets paul simon play for fifth time
motorcyclist salvaged for parts
life: everyday hero: when this pregnant woman couldn’t find a seat on a train, this man decided to stand on his in solidarity
mask hysteria
abu ghraib inside joke lost on rest of world
deluded: this girl somehow thinks she’s going to be chosen to speak at graduation even though a kid in her class beat cancer
worthless dog can't talk, drive, solve crimes
corporate merger renders thousands of coffee mugs obsolete
27-year-old lies about every single aspect of his life to keep parents from worrying
beloved father and infrequent pornography user loses 3-year battle with cancer
migrant child coming down from drugs freaked out to discover cage actually real
alexandria ocasio-cortez said what?!
perfect gentleman does not assault drunk woman
25% of u.s. adults suffer hearing loss
enough is enough. it’s time for our politicians to ask the nra for permission to enact modest gun control measures.
dzhokar tsarnaev finally moves off campus
congress passes antisocial insecurity act