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string | title
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string | created_utc
string | id
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socialskills
|
Speaking to people is too demoralizing for me to improve
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I've been practicing for years to get better at speaking. I'm autistic and the act of speaking is so difficult for me. I need to put in so much effort to be even able to think of what I want to say, then I have to put even more effort into speaking the words.
Most of my conversations end in mutual confusion from both parties. I'm not able to accurately say what I'm thinking because most of my energy went into making the thought so I spew out a sparknotes version of my thoughts. This leads to the other person not understanding what I mean but still trying to continue on with the conversation. A lot of times people seem to interpret the polar opposite of what I want to say and it leads into me trying to explain what I meant to say leading to more confusion and me making less and less sense.
I have so much I want to say but speaking to people almost always leads to a bad experience which makes it harder for next time. I really want to be able to speak to people but it's so dehumanizing to be this misunderstood all the time.
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2025-06-22T12:19:26
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1lhmjuf
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How to avoid being the catch up friend?
|
So I’ve recently realized that in most of my friendships I’m the catch-up friend.
Ive never really been part of a friend group. I have a lot of one on one friendships. But I have the feeling they seem to have their own primary friend groups or friends they do exciting things. When it comes to me I usually go for walks or dinner with friends and we only catch up about our life’s.
I’m not sure when this changed and I also tried to suggest short weekend trips or some activities to do. But usually the friend I’m asking does not have time for that or does not seem interested.
I especially notice this now when the weather is great on a weekend and everyone has plans with someone else or a friend group and I’m just sitting at home.
Does anyone have any experience with stuff like this? Am I just missing something or a skill how to develop more meaningful friendships?
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2025-06-21T19:05:38
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1lh46p4
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Why was I so popular in school despite being shy? And why did it all change after depression?
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Back in school, I was extremely shy and quiet. I was never charismatic or outgoing, but somehow, for about two years, I was really popular. Girls wanted to be my friend, and guys were constantly interested in me — I could pretty much be with any guy I liked.
It honestly confuses me because I wasn’t even trying. I didn’t seek attention, I wasn’t loud or funny. But still, people gravitated towards me.
Then, after going through a period of depression, everything changed. I’m no longer popular, I struggle to make new friends, and I feel almost invisible socially. I keep wondering: was it my confidence that made the difference? Or was it my appearance?
It hurts because before, friendships and romantic attention came effortlessly. Now it feels like I’m trying so hard and getting nowhere. I feel like I lost something I can’t fully understand — and I’m not sure if it’s a part of my personality or something about how I look.
Has anyone else gone through something like this?
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2025-06-22T01:36:03
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1lhcakv
| 0 | 1 |
socialskills
|
What to do when you don't know how to respond in conversation
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I've (27F) always struggled with this, but I suppose that as I grow older I become more aware of it and self conscious of it. The judgment I have that I should be more socially comfortable by this point doesn't help either. But about a year ago I started to develop the habit of picking up my beverage if I don't know what to say, glancing away, and RECENTLY!!! looking at the other person present if there are more than 2 of us. I guess as if to say, is there anything you want to add?
I don't know, it's now become so knee jerk and what bothers me most is that these reflexes don't help me in the situation. I wish I could just devote my energy and attention to the convo at hand. Idk socializing is becoming harder and harder as I grow up :( DAE do this / has overcome it? This sub continues to amaze me with peoples' stories, resilience, and little tricks they have found work for them. I appreciate everyone on here and this lil community.
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2025-06-22T07:06:00
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1lhhtjp
| 0 | 1 |
socialskills
|
If you could give me just ONE tip to improve my social skills, what would it be (and why)?
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If you could give me **only one practical and impactful tip** to improve my social skills — something that made a big difference for you personally — **what would it be and why?**
It could be related to starting conversations, making people feel heard, body language, dealing with awkwardness, building charisma — anything you think matters most.
Looking forward to hearing your insights!
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2025-06-21T18:12:00
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1lh2yq4
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How do you learn/teach yourself to not talk so much?
|
I hope this is the right sub.
I’m a talker. I’m an over sharer. I’ve always felt like, I don’t have anything to hide, and I’m me, I have good intentions. But in recent years, I’ve struggled making friends. I have a few I game with online who are our actual in person friends. And they are lifers.
I’m beginning to wonder if people are off put by my talking. New friends may be off put because I share too many details. Or more recently, my family. My super close tight knit family who I’ve always seen as only my supporters and my rock. Are basically saying they have no interest in hearing me vent about my problems.
So I understand that I need to hold my tongue. But my problem is, I don’t know how. I want my family to know how I feel and I also want them to know the things that are happening in my life. And I over share socially because I get nervous or anxious, and I can’t handle silence well. So it’s my job to fix it.
Ive always talked through my problems. It’s what I’ve relied on to get me through my 27 years of life. A life that is just as complex and difficult as the next persons. But now I feel like I’m being forced to be quiet and it’s doing damage. I feel so lonely and like no one cares enough to want to know what’s going in my life. Because I’ve always been open, they have no reason to question me on things because they’ve never had to before. I always have struggled with feeling like a burden. And now I’m trying so hard to not be a burden for others that I myself feel burdened. How do I get over this mental block that is weighing on me so heavily? (And getting a therapist is in the works but it’s not coming any time soon. I’m entirely alone)
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2025-06-22T06:41:37
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1lhhg50
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Im ashamed of the way I talk and sound
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Every time I hear myself on video I sound dumb to myself and when growing up my family would say my dads side of the family don’t know how to speak good. I tried making videos on social media giving my opinion about certain topics and a lot of people have said i sound dumb. I worked a few call center jobs and people are rude to me right off the bat and I believe it’s because of the way I sound. Im not very articulate either, i don’t know a lot of big words and I stutter sometimes. And sometimes certain words don’t really flow right when I say them. I keep getting hired at call centers because that’s all that seem to be hiring but I keep experiencing the same thing. Im not sure what I can do to fix this but it’s embarrassing being that I work in a call a center . Im going to put in a video of me reading something random so you can hear how I sound if I can [my voice](https://voca.ro/1oPmZVkkvqGs)
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2025-06-22T03:24:45
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1lhe923
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
I’m an extremely socially awkward person, and sometimes that makes me come across as rude to people when I don’t mean to be Even when I say something simple like ‘Hi, how are you? Good? I can’t carry the conversation any further how can I fix this?
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I’m a pretty socially awkward person, and sometimes that makes me come across as rude when I don’t mean to. Even when I say something simple like ‘Hi, how are you?’ I often don’t know what to say next or how to end the conversation without it feeling weird how can I fix this?
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2025-06-22T05:23:39
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1lhg87f
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Is inviting more people out making me less social?
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I have typically not been the most social person, for both internal and external reasons, but I have been trying to be more social this year.
Usually, I will plan something I want to do, and then I will invite people to go. So far, I have planned a group camping trip (~10 people), a book club that meets once a month (~5 people), and a group that goes to the gym together once a week (~1-6 people). I was really proud of that.
But now, even though I plan these activities and people actually show up, I’m feeling kind of lonely? It’s almost like people within these groups pair off. They talk to me in the group setting, but they all hang out one on one outside of the group and know more about each other’s lives than I do.
I usually plan the group activities, and they always express gratitude to me for planning stuff and help me out. But they never really invite me to do stuff.
I just feel like I have a group of friends, but I wish they were deeper friendships. I am also not sure how to go about fixing this. I should probably start inviting them to do stuff one on one, but it feels weird to invite just one person to do something when I know other people would enjoy that activity and might be free.
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2025-06-21T21:09:37
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1lh6x04
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
I’m 36, painfully self-aware, and finally realizing I’m the joke in my own life. I want out of this reality—but I don’t know how.
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This isn’t a pity post. I’m not “being hard on myself.” I’m being honest. I’m 36 and it’s taken me way too long to see the pattern: I’m the easy target. People don’t respect me. I don’t get taken seriously. I don’t know how to stand up for myself. I freeze, I overthink, I fall behind. And the worst part? I’m not even surprised anymore.
I’m not witty. I’m not quick. I’m not intimidating. I’m not someone people instinctively want to protect or pursue. It’s like I was built for being overlooked—or worse, quietly mocked.
I have no personality. I’m not fun because I’m constantly worried of what people think about me. And I hate the old saying of “stop worrying about what other People think of you”. Sometimes you do. I want my friends, family and coworkers to see me respect me and WANT to be around me.
I’ve tried improving. Social skills. Style. Fitness. Therapy. I’ve done the “work.” But it still feels like I’m always ten steps behind, like I’m waking up way too late to the game.
I struggle socially. I have very little friends. And because of this realization I immediately know new or old friends find me a burden and dull to talk to so I opt out of friendships so not to get rejected. Same
With family. What’s the point of life if your main pillars (family, friends, work) are ruined or nonexistent?
What I want now isn’t comfort. I want insight. I want a blueprint. I want to know if anyone else has clawed their way out of this role—from being the joke to being the one in control.
If you used to be walked on and found your backbone, your edge, your worth—how?
If you went from invisible to desirable—how?
If you figured out how to stop being someone people could easily dismiss—what clicked?
Please don’t just tell me I’m not stupid. That’s not helpful. I know what I’ve lived. What I want is clarity. A Strategy. A new script. Anything but this old one I’m stuck in.
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2025-06-20T23:44:51
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1lgim4j
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
What to talk on the phone?
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I'm talking to this guy, we're friends for now. Met in college. But we've only been texting for 2 months and he asked to call me. But we're both introverts and he shared awhile ago how he is anxious about calling. But he still wants to talk on the call which i appreciate and see that he genuinely wants to connect and i would like to as well.
But like i said we're both introverts, and this will be my first time calling him. Also i don't talk to people on calls cause i don't have many friends so I'm not sure what to talk about. What do people even talk about on calls? As a person who's just starting to call him, what are the things i should keep in mind to keep the convo flowing and how long the call should typically be? Also calling at home makes me kind of anxious because there's so much silence and anyone can come in my room, going outside kinda helps me but only if people are not paying attention to me. I'm not sure what to talk on the call though, we're 21-22 yo. Please give me suggestions on how I can make it less anxious for me? anything really even if you think its stupid but will be of help 😭
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2025-06-22T12:54:24
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1lhn783
| 0 | 1 |
socialskills
|
Why do certain people don't acknowledge your presence or have eye contact with you in a group setting just because you are not as loud?
|
I have noticed this pattern where certain people kind of look down on you for not being extroverted and just tend to ignore you or don't even acknowledge you being there just because you don't seem cool to them. I have experienced this in the past and even though I have gained some confidence and social skills now I still see this happening to other less talkative people like what's the psychology behind this?
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2025-06-21T15:52:35
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1lgzqaz
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Self Awareness
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I am wondering if anyone is going through this same feeling. i’m a 19 year old male who’s been through a great amount of trauma. family on drugs, death, violence, gangs, you name it. now that i’m older im recognizing the choices my family made in the past that caused these problems and am determined to break the cycle. i’m on a good path right now. i am graduating a little later than i was supposed to due to legal issues and my own negligence at the time, working as much as possible, saving, investing, i’ve always had a great fear of karma so i feel as though i need to live my life the “proper” way now. but no matter what i do i have this constant self awareness that drives me genuinely insane. i can’t talk to someone without being paralyzed by my own thoughts. i can’t even put it into words. i’m analyzing the persons body language, the words they choose to say, the tone at which they say the words. what does it all mean? i get stuck into this deep thought about the reality of it all and i don’t know how to escape that. people my age always seem like they are just going with the flow, having fun, living life without any extra thought process and i can’t even come close to that. i feel like i am in a constant state of over-analyzation. constant brain chatter asking questions about what im doing, what im going to say next, why am i doing this? even if what im doing is a normal, simple thing. it’s made being happy for me very impossible although i have a good life right now, a girl who loves me, people who love me. i don’t know how to just live in the moment and be happy. and i don’t know if i’ll ever feel “normal”
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2025-06-22T08:15:03
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1lhiu3z
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
ELI5: How do I meet people at a bar?
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I understand the basics: go to bar, order drink, drink drink... But what do I do to meet people in a way that isn't awkward? I don't have anyone who can go with me so will it look weird if I'm there by myself? Please give me advice as if I only understand basic human interaction. Thanks in advance!
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2025-06-21T21:49:42
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1lh7s1p
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Resting high face
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You know how some people have a resting bitch face, I got a resting high face. I'm sober my whole life and have been getting it for the last few years. I recently asked someone and they said it was my eyes but i don't know what to do. Anyone else have this problem, also any tips?
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2025-06-22T05:19:11
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1lhg5ne
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How to get courage to talk to people without greed
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Sometimes I don’t talk to people because I already know how I am.When I don’t talk I can get a gist of peoples behavior but when I actually talk it’s different,like conversations since I feel like it’s confrontation I’m not used too but feel in a way being more conversational or interacting would help me feel less lonely.
I feel like I’m not afraid of people completely but more that my greed of being to overconfidence will be oblivious or that type of thing.Like I’ll worry about myself and get lost instead of what others are talking about if I feel people make me too confident/happy.
I’ll also overthink small things and feel like that’s what I’m afraid of since it’s like a distraction,I’m mainly at work(retail).I mainly will try to worry about the customers orders I’m prepping but get anxious if I’m worrying about different things.Kinda like my mind is fast or numb/zoned out.
I’m also not good when people that approach me.When they ask how I’m doing I say okay but never ask them about themselves because I’m just generally there to work and feel like I’ll start treating work as a social hangout instead of a job.
Basically I’m a quiet person who wants to try to be social but not sure if it’s worth it.I feel like it’s 50/50.I don’t know if I’m overthinking this or fine to be like this.
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2025-06-22T11:00:29
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1lhl8g2
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Making more friends
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I know that I’m stand-offish, but not because I don’t want to make friends. I just get kinda nervous, I don’t feel like I’m great with random conversations with people I don’t know. I get anxious.
I really do want to meet new people and make new friends. I have a few now and I enjoy my time with them, but I’d like to meet other people who have different interests- like my friends I have now, don’t really like to go out- which is fine, I enjoy the things we do together. But when I do wanna go out, I have nobody.
I guess I’m looking for ways to meet new people without getting too overwhelmed and uncomfortable? I’m sorry if this doesn’t make the most sense. I’m trying to word it the best I can.
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2025-06-22T02:34:47
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1lhdcm9
| 1 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Exhausted by fake friendliness & hidden grudges. Anyone else feel this?
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Hey everyone. Lately, I've been hitting a wall with social interactions and need to vent/see if others relate.
What really drains me is the **whiplash of insincerity**: People acting warm and friendly to your face, then you find out they've been gossiping or talking negatively behind your back. It makes me immediately withdraw and distrust everything they say afterward.
Even worse? When you make a genuine mistake, *apologize*, and even try to make it right (e.g., compensate them fairly), but they *still* hold onto resentment secretly. You think it’s resolved, but later discover they’ve been quietly bitter or badmouthing you.
**The result?** I get paranoid in social settings. I overanalyze every interaction: *"Are they being real right now? Or will this be twisted into gossip later?"* It makes me want to isolate just to avoid the emotional whiplash. I know I’m not perfect—I can be sensitive or idealistic (hello, INFP struggles)—but I *try* to be direct and sincere. When others aren’t, it feels like emotional landmines everywhere.
**My questions for you:**
1. **Do you relate?** Especially fellow INFPs/idealists—does this hit harder for us?
2. **How do you cope?** Do you confront it, brush it off, or distance yourself?
3. **Is this just… human nature?** Or am I expecting too much sincerity?
*(Note: I acknowledge the hypocrisy—I’m not claiming sainthood. But the gap between someone’s "friendly" mask and their hidden negativity just drains me.)*
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2025-06-21T12:42:12
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1lgvno9
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
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i do not know if this is normal at all... i wanna talk about stuff but also i dont want to...
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i also feel like i may choose the wrong set of people to talk about stuff esp those that are very personal so i end up not talking about my huge and/or disastrous happenings in my life.
at times, i feel like i need to talk about it to someone (even if with someone that would just listen to me, yk? not necessarily give me life lessons or what) but im also afraid coz what if they will not understand or worst case, they have a secret animosity or would spill it behind my back?
also, i feel like i would just waste their time if i'll have a chitchat about my feelings lately. i know we all have shit going on so i don't wanna bother them with mine even if all i ask if someone to listen to me so i could feel im visible.
so i end up just stuffing it all down. i do not know how to celebrate big wins (like now! i just got a good paying job and i just finished school in less than a month ago and my graduation is still next month. for many people, that's a huge achievement but for me, i feel like it's something i should not be making a huge deal of even if i know it's a huge feat esp in this economy and state).
being raised as an independent in the family, i always felt that my siblings and i, while we are close to one another, we have our own matters to deal with so we really don't discuss emotional things with one another...
i just hope one day, i can also normally experience being a normal human wherein i do not feel bad talking about my happenings to my trusted friends.
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2025-06-22T03:49:50
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1lheohq
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
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How do I be more social and talk more?
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I’ve been trying to be more social and talk whenever I have the chance to, but I still don’t talk as much as my friends do and everybody else. I’m not shy and I’m not scared to talk to people, but how can I be more social?
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2025-06-22T03:39:22
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1lhei2r
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How to make friends in my situation - or do I move?
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This is long but please read. At the beginning of my divorce, almost 9 years ago, I decided to relocate from my
Hometown (major city) to a much smaller city where my ex is from so he could a take a better job and we could coparent our 2 kids in the same city. I must have been nuts because, much to my surprise, it ended up becoming a litigious custody battle that lasted for years.
During the process I regretted leaving my family and hometown on the daily but tried to make the most of it. I was pretty much stuck here because of the custody schedule.
Fast forward to today, I am remarried to a quintessential introvert and we had two kids together (they are both under 4) I have 50/50 custody of my older kids who are now teens, although my daughter is talking about moving with her dad on a primary basis (life is grand let me tell ya)
My ex husband has remarried to what seems to be Ms. Small Town Princess USA. They are kind of bullies, not very pertinent to this story but important.
BOTTOM LINE: I’m miserable here. I have tried “blooming where you are planted”. I have tried meeting people through church, tennis, the kids’ schools but it seems inevitable that the people I meet know my ex husband or his new wife OR they are party of old money community. I worry they already have a perspective of me- I know that is mostly an irrational fear but it’s proven to be sometimes true.
This town is either full of people who grew up together or transitional with some military or medical families.
I am in counseling because I’m just depressed. I feel like I have no friends. I’ve tried. It’s especially hard if you know you’re a semi-extrovert and you know in other chapters of your life you had no trouble finding your people.
I’ve tried explaining to my new introverted husband how important it is for me to find a sense of community but he doesn’t really understand. I’m worried I have a bad reputation over the divorce situation or just will never be able to fit in with the hometowners.
As much as I LOVE my big kids, I have literally considered moving to a town nearby to “start fresh” and then just commute for my big kids’ activities, etc. happy mom=happy kids? I could wait until the big kids have gone on to college but then I may have to replant my young kids, also I feel like my best years are flying by lol. Or do I just suck it up and find a way to find my people?
Any advice on this?
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2025-06-22T08:15:47
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1lhiuho
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Cousins (F) staying over for 2 days. How to not make things awkward?
|
So I (M) have two cousins (both F, around my age) whom I’ve technically known all my life but never spoke to until last month. We only properly talked for the first time ever during a recent family visit to their home. And now, they’re coming over to stay at my house (with their parents) for 2 days for college admission stuff in my city.
I’ll be home with them the whole time. I’m nervous because I don’t want it to be awkward or distant, but I also don’t want to come off as trying too hard to entertain them. Any tips on how to keep things smooth or what kind of stuff I can do/talk about to keep the vibe light and comfortable?
P.S I’m not very experienced at talking to girls in general, so I’m worried about how to keep the conversation flowing and the vibe comfortable. Last time, we had a good chat, but that was only for a short time. This time they're gonna be here for 2 WHOLE days. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.
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2025-06-21T16:41:50
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1lh0uzg
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How do I post on Social Media without being anxious ?
|
I 21M am a musician and have to promote my music online in order to turn my dreams into reality. I’ve experienced positive as well as plentyyy negative comments and opinions. Even though I’ve been doing it for a while I still find myself with Sweaty Hands, afraid of getting negative reception. When I see a negative comment my Heart absolutely Drops and I immediately feel the need to take it down. I want to appear successful. I fear people coming to my Page and just seeing another Failing, strugglig, delusional Rapper trying to make it. I fear looking like a Loser and it’s Holding me back because I know I have SOOO much TALENT and POTENTIAL.
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2025-06-21T19:38:15
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1lh4ws6
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Extreme hard time opening up
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Okay myself, (31f) have always had a hard time opening up to people especially about anything serious. I've had many friends, relationships and work colleges in my life but I have none now as I did not keep those relationships. I often get a weird feeling when anyone gets too vlose- especially romantically. It's a combo of fear and disgust with myself and the other person.
In my household growing up, being vulnerable, talking about feelings, or just having emotions was seen as weak, stupid or un necessary. Part of it is cultural as I was mostly raised by my mom who is Eastern German and Eastern European and is tough as nails. My oldest brother was a Navy Seal so being tough and strong is seen as super important to me as far as growing up and role models.
In past relationships and friendships I would open up occasionally but I usually kept things funny but tried to help the other person with their issues, completely ignoring mine. I still had ok social relationships though until when I was 24-25, I was in two back to back abusive relationships with men who were controlling and abusive in every way possible. I stopped having friends, social media, work and other pleasures to accommodate their moods. This messed me up horribly I ended up in rehab.
I did some therapy which helped a little - about four years after the last bad relationship ended I met my now husband. We are expecting our first child soon and he says he STILL doesn't know me and that I don't open up. I admit this is true. I feel totally self conscious, embarrassed and weird opening up to him. I finally did this week and it's been hell for myself with my hormones and not sleeping. I almost ruined this relationship due to my inability to open up. I think I have PTSD from the trauma I went through. I hate that I can't open up to anyone and that I won't let anyone in, I have no friends even though people like me. I'm super lonely and have a wall built up. I'm trying to save my marriage by openimg up to at least him. I don't want to pass on these traits to my daughter being born in September. Can anyone offer advice or similar experiences please?? I know this is a social issue as well as mental health.
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2025-06-22T02:05:27
|
1lhcto7
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Embarrassing social experience has been ruining future ones for me, what can I do?
|
So about a month ago I went to my friend’s graduation. She lives hours away so we usually either talk online or meet up just the two of us. But when I went to her graduation obviously her friends were there and they were really really… cool 😂. Like the kind who don’t really have any particular interest/obsession with anything and just like talking about whatever. You know what I’m talking about? Which is fine. I do much better with people who have a specific interest like anime or literally anything so I can ask them a bunch about it. I was anxious but still fine. The thing is that I embarrassed myself really bad. I said VERY cringey things that made me sound like a kid or just… stupid 😂. So weird that they just stared at me sometimes without laughing. It was really just a few things but they were big enough to leave a big impact on me lol. After I came home I thought about the things I said and cringed but got over it. I thought I was fine. I told myself I’d never really see them again anyways. The next time I hung out with friends though… my self confidence was gone. Afterwards I felt so bad about myself and the following weeks I felt so much self hatred. I’ve said embarrassing cringey things before but it’s never affected me this much. Now every time I talk to people I’m second guessing myself and just feeling like crap after. I know that time will make it go away eventually but I really want to build my confidence. I always thought I was pretty good. I don’t talk a lot I’m not super interesting but I’m okay with that. I’m accepting it a lot time ago and loved myself anyways. But it took one day to destroy that. So I want to learn to build my confidence in myself. Not by having successful social interactions because that’s not something I can control, I want to be able to control my reaction to them. Does anyone have any tips? How can I build my self confidence in social situations? To not completely second guess everything?
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2025-06-21T23:12:57
|
1lh9ibh
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Texting is hard
|
I am pretty extroverted hell I could start a conversation with someone on the bus that I don’t know
But when it comes to texting I get so anxious I sometimes just send a text and have to close my phone and put it as far away as physically possible is this normal?
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2025-06-21T12:49:58
|
1lgvt1x
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
how to be more approachable/make people comfortable around you?
|
my whole life i feel like people have just had a sort of natural aversion to me, never been included in any friend groups or picked to be part of any group. most of in school when the teacher would ask people to get into pairs i’d dread it because i know I’ll be left all alone and the teacher would have to force someone to work with me.
im shy but despite that, i always tried to assert myself into into groups and make friends but id always be met with awkward silence and confusion like ‘why is she here? why the hell is she even talking to us?’ . i don’t have a rbf either, i’ve always smiled at people (they quickly look away) and tried to initiate conversation (they’re trying to leave the whole time) … no guy irl has ever hit on me, no one’s truly accepted me into their friend group or willingly asking me to hang out with them (not as a joke) …
Is a such thing as my aura or demeanour that could be it and how can you change that? how can you make it so people want to hang out with you and keep spending time with you?
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2025-06-22T04:36:13
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1lhfgpm
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
At a party and no no one- help
|
I’m 24F at a party that someone I only kinda know invited me. The party is in a bright big space and everyone seems like there in their mid 30s- early 40s and everyone knows each other. What do I do????
I look way younger get then my age so I can’t imagine people taking me seriously
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2025-06-22T03:10:28
|
1lhdzza
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Need Perspectives on Possible "Obsession."
|
There is a woman at school that I feel very uncomfortable "liking" and I have done everything to "unlike" her which are:
* To avoid eye contact with her.
* To physically distance myself from her.
* To focus on her negative traits.
* To redirect my thinking when intrusive thoughts of her arise.
And this was last summer and it worked....however...
I now, like her again!?!?! I now feel the need to be more explicit with how I reframed my perspective in order to achieve my goal:
* "I want a woman with a moderate sized butt but she has a small butt."
* "I want a woman with a nice pair of boobs. She has noticeable boobs."
* I want a woman with large hips and a small waist. She's petite.
* "I want a woman who is submissive. She enjoy leadership roles at school."
* "She comes across as (borderline) curt on her moody days. I want someone who can self-regulate.
* She appears to overvalue money ("I want to make six figures"). Money is important, but I care more about how to help the disadvantaged.
* She cares about brand name products (symbol of status/wealth). I could care less about brand name since generic can be just as good.
So now, I have to learn all over again how to "unlike" her and it feels like someone has done some **voodoo spell** on me.
So now the question arises: what do you suggest that I do to put her behind me once and for all?
Background information: she has no clue that I like her. If any, it's extremely minuscule.
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2025-06-22T06:20:45
|
1lhh4p0
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
I make friends easily but struggle to maintain them over the longterm
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I make friends fairly easily, but then I soon lose interest, or they do something that pisses me off, or I don't have anything more to chat with them about, etc. That I am not able to maintain friendships over the longterm. They all fizzle out over max a year.
What can I do to fix it?
Thanks for any advice.
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2025-06-21T13:32:13
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1lgwnj8
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Feeling really weird and down, any advice?
|
IDK what to do. I do smoke quite a bit of weed but recently I've been overthinking while getting high recently and I think I've realised that I'm weird. I have always known I was weird but now I'm realising its more. I'm really not sure and don't know what to do so I thought maybe talking to someone might help.
I don't think I get social cues like other people do. Like when something happens and someone is sad I should ask them why but I don't, and then someone else does and they talk about it and then I feel left out, but I should have asked. I just don't know if they want me to or not? Is it too personal to share? Will I be rude by asking? I feel like I miss these cues and then miss out and its damaging/damaged my friendships with people. I also am not exactly 'socially gifted' like in conversations I never know what to say and sometimes someone says something and I'll say something back and it'll go quiet. Was it just a side comment that was supposed to go quiet after or did I say/do something wrong? Like I can understand that you're supposed to get involved but when it comes to it I struggle and get too anxious to join. I just can't work it out. What's wrong with me??
I do feel like its preventing me from forming actual bonds with people. I see other people bonding and being close friends and talking about things together but I just don't have that. Or do I and when it does happen it feels different that if I was watching it with other people? There is one case where I can tell we aren't as close as we used to be and I really like him so I don't want to lose him but I'm not sure if he's also thinking about it or if I just thought we were closer than we were and we never were? Like what if I say something and he just doesn't care? Like he gets annoyed or doesn't know what I'm talking about? But we used to be super close and we've been friends for a long time. I just remember in the last 2 years of school he found new friends that he seemed to prefer, like he used to still sit with us and also them but then when summer came I hardly saw him, others in the friend group also talked less and the ones I used to talk to didn't really like going out so I felt really bored. I did used to message him but he gave sort of dry and a little slow replies so I was a bit worried he didn't like me anymore since he'd found new friends so I was too anxious to ask him to do anything since any of our mutual friends probably wouldn't and he was going out everyday so I didn't think he'd have time. He also liked someone and I was the only person not involved since I felt he didn't want me to know so I didn't ask but now I realise maybe I should've got involved more but again I was too scared. Also I used to get some messages like "are you going to \[his name\]'s party today?" but I wasn't invited and then on his birthday he also didn't invite me and other friends which did upset us but when we talked to him he got annoyed. Also other small things like this made me feel bad and then I got upset and used to ignore him, I'm so stupid for not talking about it. Like in the moment I would just get so upset and not actually think about it, I would just be angry and not talk about it. I think I really hurt him but I'm not sure if he really thought about it or if I'm over thinking it? I did used to feel bad afterwards but I didn't usually say anything even though I should have. I really feel so bad and I realise I'm such a bad person for this and I don't think it can be fixed, that's why I don't want to think about it but now I do. I don't know what to say to him or when. I want to explain myself without sounding like I'm blaming myself, I know I'm fully in the wrong and I'm scared if I spill this he'll underreact or he will agree and we'll never be close again.
Why am I like this?? What's wrong with me and can I be cured?
|
2025-06-22T01:38:09
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1lhcbwr
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How do you actually make friends ?!
|
I’m 16 and for some reason I’ve always never had many friends, I’m very social and talkative and I do try to “put myself out there”
I’ve had to move 3 schools due to bullying and now I do my school online. Which I know doesn’t HELP… but I know a lot of people I just don’t have any FRIENDS.
It really does hurt seeing so many people my age and people that I know with so many friends, it almost can feel like there is something wrong with me.
So how do you actually make friends ?!
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2025-06-21T12:14:08
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1lgv5c8
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Whats the best way to make friends in high-school?
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In 9th grade i went through a traumatic event and I've found it really difficult to make friends because i had started isolating myself. Im about to start 11th grade and I really want to start making friends again because my current friend group just isnt very good and I feel lonely.
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2025-06-21T21:22:26
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1lh76yx
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Is it bad to be directionless at 30?
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30M Lifelong loner. My entire existence is go to work and then exercise and workout at home. No fond memories of anything. I have no direction, nothing or nobody just wander. I go out every other weekend just to walk around the mall and each month since april 2022 I've went to a monthly goth nightclub event thing to people watch and it's more my vibe. I've fully committed to the forever lone wolf masculine individualism mindset but I feel like this is as good as it gets.
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2025-06-20T17:04:20
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1lg98lx
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How do i just stop letting myself worry about others who talk sh*t about me?
|
So I am a lad who doesn't really talk that much sh*t about other people because well I simply just don't hate anybody but people still talk sh*t about me and I don't usually show that I get affected by it but I get affected by it a lot and especially in the ones that really question me and it is something that I don't really like or tell anyone or anybody because I'm scared and worried if they will start worrying about me so I need to find a solution or something. I just have to get over it
Any ways to get over it?
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2025-06-21T21:10:04
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1lh6xci
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Should I be more dominant or more of a listener?
|
Should I focus on being dominant, expressive, and confident — putting my thoughts out there, showing that I’m not someone to mess with, earning respect and making people laugh?
Or should I focus more on being a great listener, making others feel heard and valued — since a lot of people say that focusing on *them* is what really makes you likable and successful socially?
So I’m stuck:
Should I focus on **expressing myself more** and taking up space,
or on **making others feel heard and seen**?
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2025-06-21T18:20:57
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1lh360f
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How can I be less dissapointed in people?
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Lately I've been putting efforts into meeting and befriending people around me. It felt amazing at the beginning. I thought I could finally have people I can trust and people who trust in me. My life was full of conversations and laughters. But then I became dissapointed to know that those people did not think of me like I thought of them. They didn't trust me like I trusted them. And the people who looked like they had the perfect personality, when looked closely over a long period of time, were all flawed in one way or another. Eventually, I came to the realization that I am not exceptional to have many, many flaws and imperfections. I never imagined how a seemingly perfect group, an unbreakable friendship, could be fractured so easily. At the end, I was left with countless shallow and fake friendships formed out of necessity. What might have been the problem? Were my expectations too high?
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2025-06-21T12:16:13
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1lgv6om
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Office job anxiety
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2 out of the 4 days I work my office job, I share an office with 2 other women. I realised that one of them (let's call her E) hasn't actually asked me a question about myself since I started 6 weeks ago. She is constantly chatting to the other one (let's call her K), usually teasing/banter that I feel a bit uncomfortable around and can't join in on. I've actually tried a few times to ask E a question - all times, she has brushed me off with 'sorry I just need to finish this' or something.
K also has adhd and and talk non-stop, but actually addresses me one on one and does ask me a few questions here and there, plus she has trained me before so we have a bit more rapport there.
Anyway - there's nothing I can do about them not liking me or including me.
But I feel like I can say something about their loud conversation ongoing around me.
I feel like it's simply rude and disrespectful.
Or should I just talk some loud bullshit into the middle of whatever they are saying to draw emphasis to the fact I'm there?
Or am I being unnecessarily triggered?
Help.
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2025-06-21T14:44:40
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1lgy7ds
| 0 | 1 |
socialskills
|
How does "being social" look?
|
So a few days ago I went out with my only friend group, we went to a small bar so we could talk. We're all 26-28 and have been friends since high school. I always struggled to make friends and/or "being social", while most of my friends are really extroverted, love drinking and have way more friends. I've only recently started working on myself so I've been getting out of my shell slowly but surely, which is the reason I went out with them even though I really didn't feel like it.
The problem is, their social skills are way more developed than mine, but I couldn't help but notice that they talk about the same stuff every. single. time. Last time I hung out with them was in December 2024 and several times before that they always talk about the same stuff. It begins with someone asking how's work, then they start talking about how our old classmates are already getting married and having children (at this point someone always jokes that I must be the next getting married because I've been with my partner for more than 10 years.), then we move on to criticize said classmates and finally they start planning trips that obviously end up in nothing. I'm not joking when I say it's been the same interaction for the last 5 times, maybe even more.
As a very introverted and anxious person it's really confusing and I wonder if that's what being social and having conversational skills really look like? Because conversations at work are the same except it's the usual rant about the boss/coworker, etc. You know what I mean.
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2025-06-21T23:19:10
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1lh9msm
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
M/22 socialising with F/17 colleague - what is socially acceptable and what isn’t?
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M/22 here. I live in a country (UK) with an age of consent of 16 (few exceptions to this such as the age of consent being 18 where the older person is in a position of authority, but that’s irrelevant to me).
I wouldn’t ever date someone under 18 and even if they were 18 and in secondary/high school I wouldn’t date them.
I was talking to a colleague in work (F/17) and she is out of high school (you can finish school at 16 or 17 in UK). I pass by her and see her sometimes in the canteen on lunch breaks. Sometimes I talk to her a bit. I don’t mean it in a ‘I fancy her’ way but she’s actually nice to talk to and she asks a lot of questions. What can I and what can’t I do without it being weird? Where’s the boundary?
I work in retail and generally people are friendly with each other. Some people at my workplace have even forged strong friendships and some even went on cruises together.
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2025-06-21T22:39:48
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1lh8tng
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Too loud. how to fix
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Something I do that is a huge turn off to men and part of why I've not found anyone is how loud I talk. Any tips on how to be less loud?
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2025-06-21T16:33:47
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1lh0odi
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Someone said I'd intruded on her personal space and I made her unconfortable after I went to an event she mentioned
|
Several times I've been to events people mentioned, and when I told them I was there, they weren't confortable with me being there. I add that I don't go there to spend time with these people. I am really interested in the events I'm going to. But it seems to me that I shouldn't get approval from them...
Here is a recent example, there is a coffee group every week to talk with people. Someone from work mentioned she tried it. So I decided to go, I did go during a week she was in vacation so I could discover without her. It was fine! So I told the person I tried the coffee group, she litteraly don't want to speak to me anymore because she feels I invaded her personal space, she didn't wanted me there. So she is now distant. I don't know what is wrong, I have a right to go.
So, how to explain such reactions? Am I so unfit socially that people don't want to feel they might stumble on me, or that I might mention them to people they know? Did anyone live through similar experiences?
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2025-06-20T19:13:26
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1lgcf7n
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Need help improving my communication skills
|
Hello!
My professional success depends on my communication skills.
I am shy and have social anxiety and when I talk sometimes i lose my thoughts and i dont sound confident
How can i fix this? This lack of skills is a barriers in all areas of my life to be honest, but on a professional level is kind of brutal. I could earn so much more money
Thank you very much guys
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2025-06-21T22:02:11
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1lh81oc
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Why do my friendships get awkward
|
I am in college and I made SO MANY friend groups that I initially thought I would get along with or enjoy talking to which I do btw. But it just gets so awkward after a point that I start to force conversations. Like I know I’d wanna hangout more with them and be good friends but I feel like I mess up the conversations while thinking ‘how do I act right in front of this particular group or person that they would think I’m a cool person’. I don’t get invited to parties and hangouts which takes a hit on my self esteem.
How do I make those conversations more interesting and keep the vibe chill? Am I putting too much pressure on myself? The idea of being perceived as a loner feels terrifying.
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2025-06-21T16:00:30
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1lgzwuv
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Has anyone else found that they became more of a lone wolf since becoming genuinely authentically confident?
|
I don’t know. You’d think you’d be more sociable and around others. But I just see through the fake masks of ppl who haven’t worked themselves out fully and it can be quite mentally draining.
I love people but the majority of people are insecure and I find that my energy can help steer a room. I don’t always have that energy to give tho.
I think I’d be less of a lone wolf if I found other people who are also authentically confident. But they seem rare. For now I’m happy being a lone wolf.
Thoughts?
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2025-06-20T14:40:17
|
1lg5obn
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Does anyone else feel like they're talking into the void when speaking with someone.
|
Every time I talk to my cousin I'm 36 f he's 32 m the man doesn't really listen. This is when we're talking through WhatsApp and voice audios because we don't live close. So here's what a typical conversation is like. We'll be chatting and he'll click on one of my audios it lights up blue to indicate that he's opened it and is listening to it. Then he'll either listen to the whole thing or what he likes to do a lot of times play it for 2 seconds turn it off it still stays Blue go on to the next one that one lights up blue and repeats the process either plays it fully or skips it.
Now the thing that gets me the most is that even if he has played the audio and it's entirety he's not really listening or remembering anything I'm telling him. Almost like it's going in one ear and out the other. So he'll send me audios back and sometimes an audio will have a question about something I've already answered in my previous audios. But of course the mofo wasn't listening/ remebering or only played 2 seconds of it. Making me so infuriated and if I ever did that to him he'd get annoyed having to answer and go if you were listening to my other audios you would know your answer.
Also this man loves to send a million audios that are so fucking long which I always listen to. Taking his sweet grand old time to get to the point and it's very frustrating. Plus these other things as well. Now the first one I'm going to try my best to explain and hopefully you'll understand. We'll be talking and he'll start saying stuff then all of a sudden gets up to do something like go through his stuff or do something on the computer make food Etc. Then instead of turning off the audio to go do what he needs to do and send an audio when he's finished. He'll leave it running for however long it goes for.
Come back, play stupid and be like oops sorry forgot the audio was still recording. It's like really buddy. But that's nothing compared to this. Whenever this man goes out somewhere he will send me a billion audios on the way there and on the way back. As he's doing this he will start to tell me something get distracted by something else around him and needs to tell me immediately. Or he'll have to say something vocally out loud if he's annoyed by something that's happening around him and can't just quietly keep it to himself and finish what he was saying.
So I'm sitting here going today junior get on with the story. Trying so damn hard to be patient but it's just not working. And last but not least when I do all the same things he does it's like he's not listening doesn't care doesn't even play all the audios Etc. Then gets mad when you try to call him out for it acting like he's not doing that like you're wrong blah blah blah it's so frustrating. Has anyone else ever dealt with someone like this.
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2025-06-21T17:04:16
|
1lh1dva
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Need tips for improving my brother's social experience.
|
My brother is autistic so it's probably a given that he may be a bit socially awkward and may not be who someone would would expect. He's 27 but his brain isn't wired the same as a neurotypical 27 year old. So he sometimes has a really hard time making friends. That we both have pretty much gotten used to and accepted.
However what we haven't been able to accept is when people get really rude and snappy with him whenever he tries to express his true self. He really tries so hard to be friendly with everyone. But ig sometimes he gets alittle "too friendly" and the backlash he gets from that hits him real hard sometimes. He gets so upset and it breaks my heart bc ik he's just trying to make conversation. Last night he was on a game and was trying to show someone something and she didn't want to be shown it apparently and she snapped at him. He was so stunned by it that it really upset him to the point of turning off the game and hiding under his covers the rest of the night crying. It broke my heart seeing that bc ik he didn't mean to annoy that person and I really don't feel he deserved that.
If there is anything I can do for him or even advise him so that he has less of these encounters please lmk. Ik I probably won't be able to stop them completely but to have them happen less often at least will be so nice.
|
2025-06-21T11:20:22
|
1lgu842
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Going to parties alone. How do I stop feeling stupid?
|
I don't have many friends, almost all of them live abroad except for one who's in a relationship, barely hangs out and doesn't like partying. There's a party I want to go to tonight but my friend and his fiancé are leaving super early.
I come from a very small place, narrow minded people everywhere and I feel dumb being alone. I'm scared of looking like the lonely girl with no friends but if I keep relying on this guy I'll basically stay home forever. He stood me up so many times.
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2025-06-21T16:09:23
|
1lh04bt
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
I completely avoid any social media nowadays except for Reddit, but sometimes miss using things like Instagram for the announcement of events I'd like to attend. Would it be a completely crazy idea to unfollow all of my friends/connections on Instagram, and only follow groups/events profiles?
|
I find that the source of much of my anxiety on Instagram is feeling exclusion, FOMO, or various other forms of panic when I see people's other social lives on Instagram. As such, I pretty much never go on Instagram anymore and I feel a lot better for it.
However, I live in NYC and many cool events I'd love to attend are announced via Instagram or found out via Instagram. I often feel like I'd love to hear about these events but I've sort of renounced social media and Instagram specifically.
Would it be a crazy idea or reasonable to unfollow every actual interpersonal connection so I don't see any social content on Instagram and just see event announcements? That's literally all that I want haha. Has anyone tried this?
|
2025-06-21T15:40:19
|
1lgzgcu
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Im 16 and really struggling
|
I just finished gcse's and now I'm on my big break,
I dont know what to do I've just been in a friendship I thought was genuine until they told me they dont want to be friends, the thing is hes done the exact same thing before and asked to be friends again a few days later (5-6 days) this time hes done it again but instead blamed me for everything hes said I hate on everything he likes (which he does to me) I've been letting him be meaner to me and punch me (jokingly I hope) which he used to hate me doing.
I always say "if I do anything wrong or something you dont like tell me and I'll make sure to not do it again" but he never asks he always acts like everything his fine but puts no effort into being friends with me, he claims im his best friend he invites me into his house all the time he buys me drinks every now and then but always throws me to the side.
He isolated me from my old friend group by making them out to be horrible which at that point in time they were not, but now kinda are. He would always do one thing then do the next to the point I couldn't trust him, I genuinely tried to be the best friend I could but he just kept making me feel worthless, he said I make him feel insecure and down, which maybe I did but he did the exact same back but it was never demeaning.
There was a point were I spoke to a friend who I barley speak to about the situation and she was very prominent on him being a bad friend and a narcissist (my parents agree), I've also been doing mental health meetings with young minds and the women i do it with agrees that hes not the greatest of a friend. I tell him some of my concerns about our friendship and with what the others think to talk and he just says they are day 1 haters.
I understand telling him probably was a bad idea but i trusted him and hoped he trusted me
With the isolation part I joined the friend group he was in and ended up somewhat being the focus they thought I was funny and we all spoke alot but as I got to year 11 my "best friend" started separating from the other lot he would make it seem like the other 2 were not worth it even if I would say "they might be annoying but they are still fun" so i felt trapped like I couldn't build my friendship with them, out other friend who stuck with us was very close to friend number 2 (not saying anyone's name) those two spoke alot and. "Best friend" spoke so badly about friend 2 the friend who was close to him felt the need to always apologise for being friends with him
Its got to the point were I feel like I'm alone my only other 2 genuine friends live in Ireland and I'll be going to college and spending 13 weeks alone after the one person I could trust isolated me and made me doubt myself, i have tried to form connections but i really struggle with this type of stuff.
Is there anyway for anyone to help? I know ill be told to self heal and take time to myself but ive done that so much all id like is to make some new friends but i cant i dont know how to properly make connections as "best friend" has made me struggle to voice my own opinions since he claims I belittle his opinions and force mine upon him which I dont do, I listen to his opinion and take in his thoughts and say my views. Its hard for me to speak with others cause I love anime and I feel like people judge it for being what it is.
Im autistic and I have sensory processing aswell as pretty bad social anxiety i really just want to make some friends to trust but I dont know how to branch out because most times I've tried the other ends up not wanting anything else im so scared of being alone i dont know what else to do
|
2025-06-21T15:31:10
|
1lgz8ve
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
how to break out of social awkwardness?
|
i’ve always been a socially awkward person my entire life, even as a kid i had barely any social interaction because of my socially awkward and antisocial parents, my mom would barely leave the house, even now she picks her groceries up after ordering them online, and the way i was brought up made it extremely difficult to make friends at school so i’ve always been kind of a loner because i never learned how to properly communicate with people. i want to break out of my shell so that i can be the friendly, fun, and nice person i’ve always wanted to be. i want to be able to communicate and set boundaries without feeling awkward or making people feel awkward around me. i just don’t know where to start. any help would be appreciated
|
2025-06-21T15:17:22
|
1lgyxpp
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Struggling to Find the Balance Between Talking and Listening
|
How do I find the balance between speaking and listening?
I feel like I always swing to one extreme — either I talk too much or I listen too much. I struggle to find that middle ground.
When I talk too much, I feel like I come off as *too* dominant. But when I only listen, I become passive and just agree with everything.
One thing that has helped me a little is thinking of conversations like a tennis match: the other person “hits the ball” to me, I respond, then pass it back to them. But honestly, I’m still not sure how to get it right.
Could anyone share some advice?
|
2025-06-21T19:02:42
|
1lh447w
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Friend forgot to invite me to fair, how can I get over it?
|
Basically my friend group and I have a group chat where we coordinate outings and whatnot. Yesterday, one person (P) asked in the gc if we wanted to go to a fair either today or Sunday, to which I replied that I couldn’t go on Sunday. Seeing as no one else replied in the chat aside from one other person, I assumed we wouldn’t be going today as nothing was explicitly said.
Today, I get a text from another friend (L) asking if I’ll be going to the fair as he’s already there. I said no, because nothing was stated in the group chat. He said that our friend said he texted everyone individually, and I believe it’s an honest mistake that he never texted me but I still feel really bad about it. The only ones who went are L, P and one other friend, but it stings that I wasn’t asked individually if I could go. I only stated in the group chat that I couldn’t go on SUNDAY, nothing about today. Any tips on how I can get over this feeling of hurt and insecurity?
|
2025-06-21T01:03:57
|
1lgk77p
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Feeling isolated while studying for boards - anyone else experience friends going quiet?
|
Hi
I (F29) am currently deep into reviewing for my board exams this July, and it's been a pretty lonely journey. Lately, I've noticed my friends aren't as active or reaching out, which I totally get could be because of their own busy lives.
What's making me sad is that before, like early February and earlier, I was always the one reaching out to them to check in or suggest meetups. Now that I'm swamped with studying, it feels like that stopped. It makes me wonder if I was just the one putting in all the effort, and maybe I'm not that important of a friend to them. Is this a one-sided thing? It's tough reviewing alone, even though my boyfriend helps when he can - friends are just different, you know? Has anyone else gone through this during an intense period like board review? Even I reached out last April, but they said next time- until now no updates. I have like 3-4 small group of friends. Any advice on how to deal with these feelings or if I should even bring it up with my friends? Just feeling a bit lost and sad.
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2025-06-21T18:17:50
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1lh33hr
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Has anyone found their "tribe" or best friend later in life? Like 30s or later?
|
My best friend died when I was 27 and I had another best friend at the time who I've since had a falling out with, and I don't think it was a good friendship for me. Since then I've been pretty lonely and I'm good at making acquaintances but not close friends.
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2025-06-20T18:48:15
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1lgbspu
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Im not socially anxious, but I am awkward.
|
So for context I'm 18m. At the moment I'm unsure if this is simply the after affect of being sheltered and having social anxiety for almost my entire life, or if I'm autistic.
Either or, I find that I'm no longer anxious per-se, but Im just mindless? When I'm alone Im hyper aware, very well put together, and I'm highly introspective. However as soon as I'm put in a situation with another person (if its not a scripted interaction), I'm lost and forget social cues and manners. It doesnt come naturally to me, although I want it to.
Is there something I can do that'll help me with this? Ive heard about practicing 'mindfulness' but I dont want to meditate or anything of the sorts. I dont think that'll help. Any advice is welcome.
|
2025-06-21T04:01:43
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1lgnhu5
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How To React/Cope When a Parent Ignores Petition for Help
|
BACKGROUND: I've never asked a wealthy parent (step-father) of mine for help, except for a single college-text book. He has helped me on numerous occasions (without me asking) and sends money on birthdays and Christmas.
SCENARIO: I recently asked him for help via text message (has always been the medium) and he has not responded for 4 days now.
I am now feeling upset because he has not responded to my petition for help (not costly).
So now it has me THINKING that perhaps he is not responding to me because he is no longer financially well off, at least with liquid assets, and is ignoring me "out of shame" because replying with a "no" may insinuate that.
I would not be upset if he replied to me with a no, but I am upset that he has ignored me.
MORE BACKGROUND: he has always been "nerdy" and communication may not be his strong suit. BUT this is not a viable excuse.
What I have thought about sending BUT OBVIOUSLY WILL NOT SEND IS:
"I am upset not because you may deny my petition for help but rather because you have ignored me."
Therefore, a question now arises: how should I reframe my mind (mental health) if he ends up ignoring my request altogether because now he has created an awkwardness in the situation due to his lack of communication.
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2025-06-21T16:22:14
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1lh0exz
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Is it appropriate for someone to tell you that there is no reason for you to feel some type of way?
|
My friend assumed I was mad because I was being quiet. I was being quiet because I was thinking and processing other things. My mind and emotions love to wander from time to time. After the third time she asked if I was mad, I got irritated and felt judged. She was like, "You're mad at me, aren't you?" I wish she would've approached it more compassionately at least. I would've much rather her phrase it as something like "Hey, are you feeling okay?" As I expressed my discomfort and feeling of being confronted, my friend says stuff like there's no reason to get so mad. She also said that it's not that deep. I felt shut down and my feelings weren't awknowledged. We mostly talked through it but I feel like she wanted to sweep this under the rug for the sake of moving on more quickly. The fact that I still feel a bit icky about the whole situation is telling me that there is more mess for me to clean up. I need guidance of what you would do in this situation. What do I need to take away and learn from this?
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2025-06-21T06:39:14
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1lgq2n7
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How not to be boring ?
|
I am kind of person who can talk to people sometimes with confidence. But i got two issues . First one : i can’t remember what they told me before or mix information about them , but the main difficulty is that my vibe doesn’t match the type of people around me so i don’t know what to talk about.
Second: i am not nosy person . So i don’t care about people’s life and i don’t like to ask them about it ,in afraid of being misunderstood or get myself into something not my business.
But still i want to make a good conversation not just about weather or some silly things .
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2025-06-21T15:19:09
|
1lgyz62
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How to politely tell my friends that I don't want to drive them to places.
|
*Edit: I don't mind the gas money, I'm wealthy. I just don't want to use up my time. I would rather pay $20 out of my pocket to buy them a taxi ride, instead of driving them to town, wait for them to do whatever, and drive them back. It takes like an hour sometimes. Only if it is something urgent that cannot wait, then I'm willing to help.
I live in a setting similar to an University dorm, where there are 15 guys in the complex, we all have our individual room but we share a kitchen and bathroom, so we basically see each others everyday. The complex is at the fringe of the city boundary that is like an hour walk to the closest urban area.
I'm like one of the few that has a vehicle and a lot of the time people would ask me if I can give them a ride to town, because it's like an hour walk. And there isn't a lot of buses that go to town, and also a lot of places in town arn't accessible by that bus. So every week I would have at least 3-4 people asking me if I can drive them to town.
If I don't want to drive them I would usually make up an excuse like I needed to stay at home to do something today. I'm getting tired of making excuses and pretending that I'm busy. What is a polite way to tell them that I don't really want to drive them to places.
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2025-06-20T21:21:23
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1lgfg09
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Hey guys, to all those who are struggling with social skills
|
To all those who are struggling with social skills, my club has started to work on a series which has bite sized infographic that helps you learn everyday about how to socialize better, we are ourselves learning communication everyday and want to help people along with us.
We have put a lot of effort into creating this as a small team and it will mean a lot to me if you can check out and follow this page if it interests you.
Our series is titled " talk like that " and is on samvaad_ddu
Thankyou so much for taking the time to read this .
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2025-06-21T11:09:42
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1lgu1v4
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
What should you say after giving a compliment?
|
See receiving compliments is one thing but giving them to people is a whole other thing that's got me a little confused.
I love giving compliments to people, that's how I tend to bond with people. However, I never really know what to say afterwards. Being in college I often complimented people in passing and they remembered me later when seeing me in the dinning commons and we'd strike up a conversation. I honestly prefer just stumbling into conversation i'm ngl. But there are times I compliment someone and I can't make a smooth get away so... How do I continue the conversation after giving a compliment? (I genuinely do want to keep conversations, i think my brain just malfunctions after I say my initial thought and then all i wanna do is get out of there asap.)
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2025-06-21T00:31:08
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1lgjkdp
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
The remedy to shyness based on how our body cells work: putting ourselves through social resistance situations to adapt our body to the state of being rejected?
|
Hi, I'm a biology student and in physiology there is this concept called homeostasis. It means that the cells in our bodies will try to adjust to the environment in which they evolve. An example often associated with this concept is the adaptation to temperature. If it is cold, receptors in the skin will send a signal to the brain which will initiate a response to activate the muscles to warm up. But is it not just an adaptation to the present situation, the body will actually adapt itself to survive more efficiently through similar situations in the future. That's how strength training works by the way: by putting the cells of your muscles through a stressful environment (weight applied to it), the cells in the muscles will rebuild themselves in a way to be able to face similar weight in the future.
So I wondered if such a concept could be applied to solve the biggest obstacle that I - and many in this sub - face : shyness. And for me, shyness stems from the craving for validation. We inhibit ourselves for no other reason than because we fear not to get validated by others. What if, the solution to stop caring about what people think was rooted in the biology mechanisms of our cells, on homeostasis? The solution would then be to put ourselves in stressful situations involving shame, cold reactions, humiliation, rejection and the like (what we could call social resistance, any situation to which the people will respond more or less negatively) in order to rebuild the cells in our brain so they can handle it better in the future. It would be like training our muscle of "social resistance", building a brain with the strength to handle experiences with less and less social acceptance. Like in weightlifting, we should start small and increase the load of "social pain" with time and allow ourselves to recover from these "mini-traumas".
Then, you would naturally be more confident putting yourself in moderate social resistance, like you would be confident lifting weight far less heavy than your max. And you would then care less about people. They just couldn't hurt you anymore, you're brain cells can handle far worse situations. You could say your thoughts with more confidence than before.
Note that all of this is just an hypothesis, in my knowledge there is no scientific evidence to the connection between homeostasis and social inhibition. It just seems to be a logical conclusion to me to link these concepts together. The important thing is how we can use it to solve our problems.
And of course, when I talk about facing social resistance and humiliating situations, I'm in no way encouraging you to get into major conflicts with people, doing illegal stuff, things that are nonreversible or that you might regret. I'm just telling you the solution might be to try to get yourself in situations a bit more painful to handle the pain better the next time, doing an action that will make us feel pain but that we can handle and try something harder the next time.
With that in mind, here are some concrete steps one can take in order to face social resistance:
* **Asking things to strangers:** it can go from normal requests (such as what time is it) to strange ones that will inevitably get rejected and will make you feel strange (such as asking someone with a dog how much he sells the dog). By the way, if you want inspiration there is this excellent book in which the author challenged himself into asking unlikely requests to people and shared his journey: *The Rejection Proof by Jia Jiang*.
* **Impro theater / Clown workshops:** can put you through unconfortable feelings if you really let go and you share your most spontaneous reactions
* **Fighting sports and self defense:** it doesn't train your social skills directly, but you'll know better how to handle danger (like managing distance, reading danger, counter attacks). Knowing what to do if things can go physical sure helps to feel more confident
* **Reading books on courage and mental resilience:** whether fiction or nonfiction, books on these topics can help you to find a model and/or absorbing thoughts that crossed people's minds when they faced a challenge. Of course, it is not about just reading, it is about mimicing their behavior or their thought patterns when you yourself challenge yourself or live through a challenging situation where you have to stand up. I don't read loads of books but one that inspired me a lot was *Can't Hurt Me from David Goggins.* It's more about mental resilience in face of physical adversity but it might give you a better mental model. If you read interesting books on this subject, more particularly about people who standed up socially, I take any suggestions.
* Feel free to share more ideas to face the feeling of being rejected!
To conclude, I will say that craving less validation is just one building block to being socially comfortable, an essential one, but not the only one. It is not just about telling everything that crosses our mind. It's about being more authentic. There are also other complementary skills and areas such as observation, wittiness, empathy and understanding of social norms and cues, ability to make people laugh, social status, energy, appareance and many others. But I'm conviced one of the most attractive social quality, confidence/self-esteem, is the result of having faced more difficult situations, not fearing if these situations happen again and knowing how to handle them if they rehappen and that nothing frightning can happen. And the best way to perform better in "normal" situations in to know how to perform in more difficult situations.
|
2025-06-21T10:51:04
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1lgtr7g
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Creepiness: A Social Guide
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I now understand what women mean when they say a guy is "creepy." Or anyone really. It's when some repeatedly, despite social cues, asserts their presence into your awareness and essentially creates energetic theft. The person is now obligated to feign friendliness or niceness lest said person become aggressive. They have to become responsible for another person's emotional well being and sacrifice their own personal boundaries.
Furthermore, personal boundaries are not bodily, but soul level. Our body is responsible for attuning us to our environment, relaying information through sensory input (sacral chakra level) we are a soul. So when we say "our soul" we misspeak. We should really be saying our body. This is important because just someone being physically close isn't bad; it's when that person ignores subtle social cues, personal boundaries, and body language and continues to steal that person's awareness it becomes creepy. The solution is a healthy sense of self (a balanced solar plexus) and asserting your boundaries. The other person may be committing a social faux pas, but doesn't know they are. This usually results when strangers interact. One person is socially sated and receives regular attention (for example, the attractive woman) and one person does not receive regular attention (men in general) and may subconsciously "steal" others energy by forgoing their personal boundaries.
While we may not be able to read minds, we can pick up on subtle social cues and body language that let's us know this person is uninterested and sees our presence as unwelcome. The objective fallacy is energetic theft, the subjective fallacy is ignoring social cues and the persons boundaries, which prevent the energetic theft in the first place. I became socially sated and more aware of those who aren't, and subconsciously or consciously assert their presence despite being unwelcome. I feel like this understanding could solve a lot of misunderstanding between the genders and how we interact, respectfully.
Men lack and need attention (most of the time) whereas women tend to be the opposite. Learn to pick up on social hints, body language, and signs this person relays. This is the first attempt at non-aggressively redirecting the person away. It should never escalate to the point someone must verbally say "go away." At that point, it's stalker level and you become threatening to social fabric because of your ignorance.
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2025-06-20T14:51:13
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1lg5xm4
| 0 | 1 |
socialskills
|
how do i not let conversations drop and make it seem like im not trying super hard?
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i noticed that lately (the past 2 years maybe) I've gotten increasingly bad at holding conversations. i feel like im experiencing brain fog and i just have nothing to contribute to any conversations. any advice?
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2025-06-21T07:51:05
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1lgr5c1
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Got weirdly insulted with such a specific insult and no clue how to respond
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It was very odd - I was with a group of friends and we were doing a group activity like we usually do. One member of the group has been a little upset lately because mostly everyone else made the cut to be cast in a show and he didn’t. I would be upset too, but it’s been weird. Constant backhanded comments.
Anyway, we were together and someone pointed out that I texted a mutual friend about a situation that’s going on, giving my condolences. (It’s very severe).
I said “yes, I reached out.”
He goes “was it genuine?”
I was kinda taken aback and say “yes of course, why wouldn’t it be genuine”
and he went ahead with “because I don’t think you’re a genuine person.”
I genuinely had NO idea what to say back to this. The room went dead and I just let him live with it, but there were some awkward jokes and everyone moved on. All I said was “No, I am.” very unconfident.
sorry it’s so specific but i’m curious what the hell i couldn’t even said to that
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2025-06-20T03:00:21
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1lftgd9
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Help
|
I never know what to do when I’m with people and another group walks up and they know each other and all start talking. I end up standing there awkwardly until they walk away and feel terrible after. What am I supposed to do, introduce myself?
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2025-06-21T03:03:43
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1lgmgf4
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
reconnecting with a friend
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i have this friend who i used to be super closer with, hanging out 2x per week on breaks stuff like that. we can usually hang out one now per week, im more busy and so is she. she has had a hard time like a few months ago with family, but now she seems more positive. i just find it hard it to not feel awkard or forcibly bring up into convos. like it feels a bit surface level. i feel like she may of changed, we were super close 2 years ago. but last year we were good friends but this year i just feel like ive forgotton how to talk to her. like i dont know what to talk about and it makes me freeze a bit. she can be quiet in our group. should i accept that weve drifted? i really like her still and i dont mean become super close, just not feel so awkward when we hang out
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2025-06-21T12:32:25
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1lgvh42
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
True friends are like the pulp left behind in the strainer when you squeeze an orange, after countless social encounters, they’re the ones who remain when everything else has passed through.
|
At each stage of our lifes, we confront with one or more social circles.
For example, when we become parents, we naturally join social groups tied to our children's activities: school, sports, after-school programs, etc.
These groups are always mixed. Some people are kind and supportive; others may be toxic. It's not about how healthy or unhealthy the group is as a whole. It’s about learning how to adapt, interact, even with the toxic ones.
You’ll meet all kinds of people.
Competitive sports parents, for example, often include both great allies and difficult individuals such as those toxic ones (they're the majority), and also, shared activities don’t guarantee deep friendships.
True friends are like the pulp left behind in the strainer when you squeeze an orange, after countless social encounters, they’re the ones who remain when everything else has passed through.
This actually mean you should NOT isolate yourself because "everyone is toxic", or because you now know that. This actually might be true, unfortunately.
Instead, take things with humor, stay open, and use your personal "filter" to spot the few genuine connections worth keeping for the long term, while you're actually socializing with toxic people.
So as the saying goes, *after countless social encounters*, you actually have to be there squeezing the juice, and occasionally taking the liquid that comes out, putting it in the strainer, filtering the people, and seeing which ones are suitable and which ones you will instead throw in the sink because, they are not healthy, or cannot change, "currently".
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2025-06-21T11:45:21
|
1lgun8k
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
For those of you who are able to laugh at yourself, how do you do it?
|
I’m sensitive to criticism and even harmless jokes made about me (likely due to my upbringing). I want to take myself less seriously but it seems almost impossible. How do you guys do it?
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2025-06-21T03:57:42
|
1lgnf8l
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How do you spend time with your friends? What activities do you with each other
|
I’m extremely out of touch with socially interacting. Most of the time alone. I reached out to a friend last week, talked and eat, was fun. But this week I’m gonna meet him again. And I realize wtf do friends do with each other? What activities yall do cuz I haven’t been around with a friend NO hanging out with a friend about 8 years. I completely forgot what to do as a friend and am anxious
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2025-06-20T20:43:23
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1lgeji8
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Is it fair to feel upset?
|
I hosted a small gathering today to play games with my friend group and we seemed to be having fun. Maybe 2-3 hours in one of my friends then got a phone call from another guy from an adjacent friend group who also happened to be hosting a different gathering in which my friend and one other friend was invited to and was starting up in around half an hour. My friend proceeded to make a big announcement about how this event was happening and that he had the privilege of taking 3 people in his car to go to that event right that moment. One guy took up the offer and the rest (3 more people) left saying they were gonna 'go home'. The problem is that the guy with the invite did ask whether I wanted to come, but I turned it down pretty quickly because I felt disrespected that they could just get a phone call in the middle of hanging out and decide then and there that they would leave and go. I am seeking advice as to whether I am acting too sensitive or if I do have a right to be upset.
|
2025-06-20T21:02:54
|
1lgf09f
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Hard to socialize and talk to people at events and parties
|
I have a really hard time making new friends and talking to people I dont know at parties. I dont know what my issue is. The idea of a party excites me but when I actually get there I tense up and I cant seem to socialize and have fun with others. I always end up just smoking a cigarette outside or awkwardly and aimlessly walking around while my friends seem to have no issues at all. To be fair I never went clubbing or to busy bars when I was in my late teens like a lot of my friends did and im sure if I went out more I probably would have learned how to have fun and probably wouldn't be as akward.
I also dont know as many people as my buddies do so a lot of them just constantly have people coming up to them and I dont wanna be that person awkwardly glued to my friends the whole night i wanna be able to actually talk to people, interact with women and make friends.
I get my haircut twice a month, I always take care of myself and make myself look and smell good before going out to try and feel confident but again I always end up just sitting their awkwardly.
Just to give insight im a 23 year old male and surprisingly I used to be really social before my relationship which I got into it 19. I used to be the life of the party and used to know so many people so I just dont know where I went wrong and became anxious all of a sudden.
If anyone has went through something similar and wants to shoot me some pointers that would be awesome.
|
2025-06-21T08:33:56
|
1lgrrxx
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Why I can't talk or explain things articulately?
|
Basically I'm more of an ambivert. I find it hard when I try to explain something. Like talking to a friend about an incident, I somehow mess things up. I don't stutter but maybe sometimes I talk a bit faster. When I get home after hanging out with my friends, I get thoughts of like what did I say there and why did I say that type of things. How to overcome this? Besides I have terrible communication skill especially with unknown person.
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2025-06-20T19:12:29
|
1lgcecn
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How to know when a woman wants you to approach her?
|
I (24m) don’t go out often, but I’ve been it more so recently. I’m recently single, and would say I’m a “decently handsome” guy. Nothing special, not really in great shape, not overweight, but I’d consider myself to at least be handsome to a degree. I put effort into what i wear, but not too much. I’m not a flashy person and attention grabbing or bold choices aren’t my thing, but i care about colors and aesthetic.
I’ve noticed the last few times I’ve gone out, that I would notice at least one girl a night, kind of keep looking over in my direction out of the corner of my eye. My social anxiety riddled brain first goes to “i must look weird or be doing something weird or maybe i did something weird and i don’t remember it, and that’s why she keeps looking at me”. But then there’s the more rational and positive minded approach of “oh, maybe she wants me to look at her? Is this how she’s subtly getting my attention? Does she wish I’d approach her, since it is expected of the guy to do so and initiate the interaction?”
Are both of these wrong answers and it’s because of this third thing I’m not thinking of? I’m swaying towards the second option since I’ve been trying to get better at not assuming the worst in every social setting. If i hadn’t done anything so strange that i can’t remember it, why would it be that?
So, if this is a subtle sign a girl is attracted and would engage with you if you approached her, how do you do it?
Do you just walk over and say “hi I’m so and so, how are you?” Do i need to be clever? Do i need to find an in? It scares me to think about going up to a girl and just starting a conversation. Like how tf do you do that without crumbling or being awkward and boring? My voice would be shaky the whole time.
Any advice from either side of the isle appreciated! Really trying to get back out there and gain some confidence/experience.
|
2025-06-20T16:16:52
|
1lg82sa
| 0 | 1 |
socialskills
|
i get a mild feeling of stress/annoyance if someone engages with me first. How do i get over this?
|
Hello all. So for some further explanation, i'll get a facetime call, or someone will walk up to me, (usually friends etc.) and they will talk to me without any warning. It leaves me feeling mildly annoyed or stressed. i feel embarrassed, although i never let them notice that it's bothering me. even if i've been relaxing or having my own time alone for hours i still feel this way when they call me. How do i stop this habit? or is there any better approaches to this.
|
2025-06-20T21:32:28
|
1lgfp8c
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
help me
|
im living in like a "small" city in denmark with like 35k people and I just feel like my reputation is fucked up. i love my boy friends and they mean everything to me but all the girls a shitty against me because I fucked up 8 months ago and its still holding onto me and I have a shitty situation with my ex. i have the opportunity to move to a big city and a whole new world for me but I just have so much fomo for leaving my friends. but I just want to be that chill guy but I cant cause my reputation is stuck on me. everybody hates me and makes fun of me but I'm really just a nice guy I promise you. guys help me I have fomo but should I move even though its the best thing for me
|
2025-06-21T00:46:19
|
1lgjuyr
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Does anybody else feel like they are an alien?
|
Like Mark Zuckerberg hiding in a human skin. I never liked socializing at all. It's too much for me with all the rules and body language and stuff. When I do try to socialize, it feels like I'm performing rather than actually talking. People say that I would find someone who I can connect with but I never really connected with anybody at all nor did I have relate to anyone. I've been called dumb, slow and even crazy and at times, I find people try to change who I am.
Right now, I fully given up. I stay at home most of the time, only coming out to go to work. I learnt that things like friendships and love aren’t for me.
|
2025-06-20T17:05:06
|
1lg9991
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
I cant sit still in social settings.
|
In all social settings or when im talking to someone, i often move allot in conversation swap positions with my feets or arms, or fidget with some random objects. And often do wrong facial expressions aswell. Especially when im explaining something i move my whole body.
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2025-06-21T00:32:32
|
1lgjlex
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
I'm so desperate for friends to the point where I feel like I'm going insane.
|
Context, F14 in online school that sits at home all day doing nothing. Could only dream of having real friends, literally, I've only dreamt of having friends. Had online friends for a long while (2-ish years) and it was good copium for a while but I dropped it because I knew it wasn't what I really want. I want to hug someone, commit rebellious acts with, eat with, buy gifts for and vice versa But it feels so hard :(( especially as an aussie where most aussie girls are basic snapchat abusers. i dont understand... they say put yourself out there but all i see when i go out are people my age that are already hanging out with their friends. I feel behindddddd!! ive seen some girls my age saying theyve lost their virginity and have had their first kiss at 13-14. not saying losing ur virginity at that age is a good thing but seriously? while im here alone and can barely make friends my own gender. any tips?
|
2025-06-20T12:47:58
|
1lg34nz
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Why did I mature so quickly after I turned 25?
|
I 25M, have been experiencing becoming mature since the beginning of this year. Example of my maturity are, tolerating babies crying, being more calm about situations going wrong, taking rejection less seriously, looking at women as people, and being more confident in myself. I’m still a fun person and like to do fun things, but I heard the brain for guys stops developing after 25, but for me Its like it’s rewiring itself in a positive way. Have any of you experienced this?
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2025-06-21T12:50:13
|
1lgvt96
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Whats up with me???
|
Im turning 17 in 2 months, my parents and a bunch of other parents became freinds 2 years ago and were like an entire group of freinds. Me and my sister of course were forced to meet them, we didn't know anything about them, what they looked like, were like, and much more. When we did, everyone was silent and just looked at each other, its me and my sister, a family with 2 older girls in HS, and a 11 yr old 5th grade boy. Another with 2 daughters, 1 is 15, and the other is 12. Another with just a 15 year old boy. Another family with a 13 yr old boy, and his 9 yr old little brother. Then another who is 12 yrs old boy. Last is a 17 yr old girl with a 24 yr old brother. At first nobody spoke a word to each other, we all just looked at each other or on your phones weirdly while our parents were downstairs laughing, talking, playing games and enjoying. Eventually we started to open up and talk a bit, 2 yrs later we are freindsish I guess? I mean not best or close, but just freinds. I still feel to this day I am the worst or wierdist or saddest of the group. Im 5'5 not that smart in school, B+ Boy?, I guess im more athletic than the rest only in swim and water polo, like when we talk I just sit there silently looking and not talking, anytime I try people either just can't hear me or ignore me, or think Im wierd, and my annoying twin sister who has attitude issues to only her family and not freinds is annoying, anytime I try to talk, speak facts, make something funny, or accidently do something stupid, she just says shit like "Just Stop!" "Stop capping" "Nobody cares" "Thats just random and weird" "Just go be on your phone" Whats annoying is that sometimes we share secrets between us only, and for some reason she isn't afraid to tell my secrets to those people because it just so happens to give her more attention. Any time our families meet its always her that talks to people and they talk to her, she makes fun of me and thinks its ok to "jokingly" or "in a mean way" insult or/and hurt me. She sometimes takes advantage of my kindness, like I onetime bought a cinibon for myself, I didnt mind sharing with the group, cause I am geniounly nice and caring. I told them to "Have as much as you want" and I didn't care how much cause I'm nice, they all took 1 and then some were like "I feel bad cause its yours and we are just eating it all" I was like "No, no its ok" Then when its my sister turn she takes 5 entireass bites, I look at her weirdly for a min, and then she says shit like "Ill buy you something". To this day she didnt, I confronted her and talked to her emotionally and happily and realistically, I didnt show attitutude or rudeness, She just said shit like "Doesnt matter" or "Ill do it later" "I already did by doing this before" "ill do this once.." I mean atleast they have manners and dont take advantage of their siblings. Even my mom and dad have to put up wit her, I think personally me and mom are the best cause she understands me, Im not weak, I try to not cry, I try to be like other boys my age of younger or older cause ik they are better or cooler than me, I am currently a hardworking and emotionaly and nice person, still that freind group doesnt talk to me, they only talk to my sister and barely give a shit about me, I think if I wasn't even there they wouldn't even notice. I always tell mom everything cause she like me or was? and yes she really helps me. I'm independent and take things myself, but im also collaborative and like interacting, but I feel like if i do anything to start it or talk then I just get stared down weirdly. I've been battling depression since I was 11 because of a horrible incident I did and I dont even wanna go into detail about that. I just need advice, im doing everything to try to be like those freinds or be more I guess better than I was before. Whats wrong with me??? I need advice? Till now everything I work for, train for, study for, is for getting into my dream school UCSD, to make my parents proud, to stay in san diego, prove my sister wrong and really hit her in the face. I need advice, from anyone really, and if you are in my shoes or were like me I could use anything to help.
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2025-06-20T22:00:37
|
1lggcah
| 0 | 1 |
socialskills
|
How do I cut off someone who's using me for academic help without being rude or causing drama?
|
I’m a university student and I’ve been dealing with a guy I used to know from school. We were never close — just someone I recognized by name and face. But recently, he suddenly started trying to get very close to me, acting like we’re good friends, even though I’ve shown no real interest in becoming close.
At first I tried to be polite, but now he constantly pressures me to help him with university subjects, sends me endless messages, and even tried to convince me to go to his house just to teach him. It reached a point where I helped him cheat during exams, and as a result, my own grades suffered — which I deeply regret.
He keeps inserting himself into my time, acting as if I owe him help, and tries to control how I spend my day. I feel completely drained and used. The problem is, I find it hard to say no directly. I don’t want to be rude or start drama, and I’m not very good at confrontation. But I know this “friendship” is one-sided and it’s harming my academic life, focus, and peace of mind.
What I need is:
Advice on how to gradually cut him off without looking like the bad guy.
Tips on setting boundaries with people who don’t listen or take hints.
Has anyone dealt with this kind of situation before?
|
2025-06-20T19:17:47
|
1lgcj13
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
I’m not sure if I’m overthinking and overreacting
|
So I work in a factory and there are certain things we call maintenance fix. Two maintenance men came to help us fix something, and one was very condescending and disrespectful to me. The next day the other guy was on the line, and I tried to talk to him about it. He told me not to come complaining to him about it when he wasn’t the one with the attitude, and we got into a slight argument. I wasn’t actually complaining I was just talking about the equipment problem trying to not repeat the same mistake in the future.The argument left me confused as I was trying to see if there was something we should have done differently the day before, and if that was why the one guy got so mad. Now I am unsure if I was overthinking and overreacting, but I feel like maybe I’m missing social cues since they both got so angry over what I considered their job and normal communication.
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2025-06-20T21:29:42
|
1lgfmum
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Im a robot
|
Im an emotionless robot who has no personality and is basically a dry wall.
I don’t know what it is, I’ve always been reserved and the quiet kid. Most of the time i don’t feel or have the energy to talk. Super introverted.
I’m not enthusiastic because im serious for the most part. Im not expressive, interesting or charismatic. Honestly im boring as fuck. I feel empty and apathetic towards people and socializing.
Yet i have the audacity to feel extremely lonely even though i want to be alone. It’s confusing and even i don’t understand myself.
I’m just wondering how do i overcome this and if anyone experiences the same? I love the idea of socializing but im basically mute.
What can i do?
|
2025-06-20T19:12:16
|
1lgce5p
| 1 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Im currently reading 'How To Win Friends And Influence People'. He states that you gain friends by showing a genuine interest in others, but where does one draw the line between showing an interest and just being a straight up kiss ass?
|
Like, I don't wanna be overly enthusiastic about everything they tell me. To be honest, I really couldn't give a care about what most people are up to, but I still want to be liked.
I'm screwed, right?
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2025-06-19T15:49:16
|
1lfe6rm
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Social Anxiety Loneliness
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Social Anxiety Loneliness
I'm 36yo and have suffered with social anxiety all my life. I have been doing so much work CBT based but I've really given up hope. I hate this. I'm in recovery from alcohol two years and even speaking to a girl is impossible with the thought of a drink to give me confidence. I'm so so lonely and I'm a good person. I tried tinder and don't get matches. I just feel like giving up
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2025-06-21T00:36:17
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1lgjny0
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Question on loneliness
|
My friend and I had made plans a month in advance to have a weekend together so we both clear our schedule and he made the drive up to see me. He is roughly 2 hours from me not counting any traffic. He came up on a tues night and by fri morning about 8am I was ready to be by myself. I haven't steadily dated anyone in almost a year let alone had anyone over in my apartment for more then a few hours before someone is making excuses to leave. I have tried to explain this but he says he's feeling used because I did ask for a mattress he had no use for and we did go out to eat which he paid for. I told him I'd pay him back once I got the chance but I honestly not only got called into work but I also was tired of being around someone to. Does anyone else feel this way or only me?
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2025-06-20T20:32:39
|
1lgeafe
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
finished uni and no real friends
|
i'm 21F and have just moved out of uni a couple weeks ago and i feel incredibly lonely. my uni experience wasn't at all what i was promised and tbh i feel robbed. i had friends id hang out with, but not many and since moving back ive not seen any of them until yesterday. but they were all talking about how they're going on holiday with friends or visiting X friend at uni and it made me wonder where did i go so terribly wrong? i have a group i occasionally hang out with, friends ill catch up with every once in a while but no one close.
i've always been bad at making friends, but in primary (4-11 yrs) and secondary (11-16) my friend groups found me, i never really felt lonely because what i had was enough. but then covid happened and everything changed. i struggled to make good friends in sixth form (17-18), and i felt i was always yearning for a closeness that people couldn't give me. i hoped uni would be different cuz im living out i honestly thought id find my people but im here now in the exact same position i was in 2022, if not worse. not to be dramatic but maybe i just dont have 'my people'? bc i feel ive tried and nothing.
i feel like i have friends. but not close ones? and tbh i feel tolerated, but not accepted or truly wanted. like im one of those ppl u hang out with a bit but only in small amounts. i feel a slight disconnect with everyone except my siblings, like i feel like i shouldn't rlly be there. i guess ive always felt that but tbh i never cared until recently.
i lived out for 3 years. felt lonely for 3 years. i'm back and feel even more lonely. i'm dreading my future tbh cuz can u even make close friends this late? idt so. esp since i seem to be the inherent problem. how did it go so wrong?
|
2025-06-20T04:11:47
|
1lfur2h
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How can I stop being quiet when someone’s behaviour is bothering me?
|
Hi, so I have this friend at school and she is getting me down a bit.
Thing is she doesn’t really do anything in particular, she doesn’t tease me, bully me, but she’s very self centred but not in an obvious way.
She only ‘needs me’ when we walk to and from lessons that we both have. At break times I sit with her and her friend group and they don’t ignore me but they definitely don’t include me either. I sit in silence the whole time. Maybe it’s my fault. I don’t have many social skills, and I think it’s due to the fact that I had a best friend for 10 years who then decided to ditch me for another friend group, so ever since I’ve struggled to fit in and know what to say, for fear of rejection.
She is interested in me when it’s convenient for her, let’s say. For example ‘how did you find the test?’ And then I answer and then she says ‘what did you get on this question?’ And I feel as though she doesn’t really want to know, she doesn’t listen and take it in, she just wants to know for her own benefit. Does that make sense?
I just don’t feel comfortable talking about myself. Sometimes she asks me how my counselling session goes and then I say ‘yes fine’ but even that seems forced. I don’t know why. Our friendship just doesn’t click.
She definitely doesn’t like me the most.
For example, we had a test and I asked the friend group ‘who wants to do flash cards’ and she said ‘my brain hurts’ - she says this often. 5 minutes later this boy in the friend group comes and she STANDS up and does them with him? Right in front of me? Is it normal to be so hurt by that? Am I just so sensitive? I feel redundant. What am I doing wrong?
I get hurt by the slightest things, I’m incredibly sensitive. When I feel as though someone isn’t interested in me or is bored of me I just switch to a ‘cool’ attitude. I don’t talk. I don’t know what to say. I feel mean being like this because she hasn’t done anything in particular but because I’m aware of her feelings towards me I feel put off from her.
And worst of all, I’m unable to tell her how I feel. I don’t like breaking friendships. I don’t even want to because she’s all I have. But I know I’m not all she has. She’s not excited to see me. Yet sometimes she is.
Sometimes she’ll run up to be and say my name and hug me, other times she’ll just say a casual ‘hey’ and talk to the others.
Even though I’m trying to distance myself, it never works. She wants it to work and I don’t see why. I’m clearly not good enough. I have low self esteem. She does not . I’m just so so sensitive.
When I’m in one of these ‘quiet’ moods after a while she asks me if I’m okay, and all that comes out of me is ‘yes Thankyou are you?’ But my quiet tone suggests I’m not okay, but I just CANT SAY! I don’t know how to tell her because I can’t even give an example.
She also never asks how I am. One time I saw her after I’d had a bad hay fever flare up, with red puffed up eyes and she didn’t say anything. It wasn’t until I said ‘do my eyes look weird’ that she said ‘oh yes I was going to ask you that’.
Then she said ‘oh at least you don’t get nose bleeds’ - Trying to compare her problems to mine.
Then these 2 girls that are in our class both noticed my eyes and asked straight away. I told them it was hayfever. Before I even finished my sentence, she said ‘oh I have it too and I get REALLY bad nose bleeds!’ She just switches it back to her.
Yer when we were in the lesson and on the way home she said ‘oh I hope your eyes get better soon’. This is why I feel guilty. Her constant mixed signals drive my sensitive side nuts. Am I oversensitive or is she generally just as rude as I believe?
Does anyone have any advice? I just feel so lost.
I feel extremely guilty for being like this with her but my brain just takes over and makes me quiet.
Am I too sensitive? How can I change this if so? Sorry this is so long, thank you if you took the time to read it and I’d really appreciate your comments.
|
2025-06-20T16:39:26
|
1lg8mgc
| 1 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Any advice on how to express my emotional needs without implying that other people (eg friends) are obliged to meet them?
|
So i've recently finished my final year of uni with a lot of my friends. I have mental health issues and a lot of them don't really have the same ones / have them the same way (ie i am chronically like this, not situationally). The context of finishing uni has meant that everyone is a bit more distant from each other and kinda understandably burnt out emotionally and otherwise. Thing is i'm kind of at a low point, but I feel like i can't really reach out.
I feel like if i say something about my situation, the response will be something along the lines of "well no one is obliged to take care of you/talk to you", which is an entirely accurate statement but aren't you also supposed to be open about this sorta stuff with people? And i'm not sure how to communicate that
|
2025-06-20T16:07:52
|
1lg7uom
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Lacked assertiveness -> changing for the better
|
I'll admit for the longest time, I've let people (even good friends) walk all over me, give me condescension, and infantilize me. Things reached a point a year and a half ago where I couldn't take it anymore and I sought out therapy. I now feel more in control of my life/empowered and won't take any BS from anyone, anymore.
|
2025-06-20T14:04:00
|
1lg4t84
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How can I stop being so afraid of judgment and rejection? I hate being quiet all the time.
|
I need your help pals. For some reason I can’t go up to people and I’m really bad at meeting people/making friends or just initiating conversation in general. I want to stop being quiet and I want to be heard and not be afraid of being judged.
I’ll give a made up scenario. Say I walk up to a guy and ask if he wants to be friends or if I go up to an older lady and say she’s attractive and then walk away. It sounds so easy in my mind but if I actually was about to do it I would get so anxious and just not do it, no matter how hard I try to force myself. I see no threat with the older lady because I know she’s most likely gonna reject me because I’m younger than her and that’s obvious, but I still can’t force myself to do it when I see no threat. But with the first scenario asking the guy to be friends that’s even more uncomfortable because even though I don’t think low of myself, if things went south, I would think low of myself like if he rejected my offer to be his friend. I would feel depressed too for a bit. And even if he did accept it I feel it would be awkward.
Also, I know if I asked 10 guys to be their friend I know at least more than half would say yes, but I still just can’t do it. I don’t know if I’m embarrassed or what.
This post isn’t about that specifically making friends that’s just an example.
So what’s the solution? Is it just alcohol? Purposely embarrasing myself?
If I’m honest, I’d I went to a large crowd and just did a bunch of embarrassing stuff, it would actually make me feel a good adrenaline rush and make me feel good about myself😂. But even knowing that it’s worth the risk I just can’t do it. And I hate this about myself. I don’t know why I think like this but I want to change.
|
2025-06-20T04:26:12
|
1lfv0cr
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How much is too much communication?
|
Lately I’ve been opening texts threads typing out a thought and just not sending it. I think I generally just talk too much. And share everything that comes to mind.
I’m worried though that as I find myself doing this more and more will I forget to actually communicate?
Does anyone have a visual that might assist with how frequent communication should be? Or even guidelines on appropriate communication?
|
2025-06-20T15:24:15
|
1lg6ra2
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
What's the polite-but-confident way to scale back a friendship with someone acting hot/cold the next time they're acting "hot" toward you?
|
Imagine you have a friend, Bob, who you would normally meet up with once a month for years. You were close and you'd have meaty, personal talks about the serious shit going on in your lives. You felt a true sense of camaraderie.
Then Bob starts ignoring you more often, declining hangouts, reaching out for favors but not to see how you're doing, etc. He's still open to getting together, but much less frequently --- like once a year. And when he does, its circumstantial --- your families were getting together for a holiday event type situation. When he sees you, he pulls you aside to chat like nothing's changed, like you're just the same old buds and can jump into the same old deep, personal conversations.
**First**, I hope I'm not the only one who isn't going to entertain that.
**Second**, I'm not going to have a "DTR" (determining the relationship) with Bob about this. ("Hey Bob, can we have a talk about why you've cooled off in the past year?") It is what it is, and I don't *need* this person's friendship.
**Third**, I'm not going to be rude and just ignore him if he asks for an update on certain matters.
**Therefore,** how do I communicate the following without sounding butthurt or standoffish?
"Look man, our relationship is now shallow, so our conversation is going to be shallow. No, I'm not going to update you on X, Y, and Z. That's for people who are invested in me."
Thanks.
|
2025-06-20T04:27:14
|
1lfv10c
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How do you know if someone thinks you as a friend?
|
I am trying to understand a work colleague. When I invite her to hang out, she will mostly say yes. But, she almost never initiates anything (in the last two years planned hangout twice), has never invited me to her house although we live just one block away. She is going through a bad marriage and has two teenagers, so maybe that could be the reason? When we first started hanging out, she shared her marital situations and since then has shared other deepest secrets with me. But, I noticed when we talk she likes to talk only about herself and shows no interest in me. So, my question is how do I know if she thinks me as a friend or just a placeholder? Shall I ask her directly?
|
2025-06-20T15:20:35
|
1lg6ntp
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
No one invites me
|
I am 15 years old and I moved to a new city and started a new school. I have a group of friends at school and we hang out, there is one of them who is like my main friend and we r like a duo. But outside of school, there are no friends my age or in my neighborhood or I can't find any, I mean should I go out and put up an advert, I don't know how to find them in my neighborhood and my only source of friends is school and the ones at school live in another district that is not too far from me and can be reached by bus. My friends go to the pool, McDonald's etc. with their groups of friends every day but they never call me, I don't know what to do.
|
2025-06-20T19:01:02
|
1lgc48t
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Why can’t I find friends my own age?
|
Hi I’m a 23F who has no friends besides a couple of people online. I graduated college last year where I joined clubs, got a job with people of similar age, and talked to classmates but the minute I left college and that job the friends dried up one by one. Whether it was they moved across the country and became busy or we both slowly stopped trying to connect.
I don’t know what to do anymore, recently I’ve realized I have no in person friends so I went and took a ceramics class (super fun btw) but all the other people attending were women in their 40s. I talked politely but there was obviously a divide when they would change the conversation to their husbands and kids (I am single and childless).
Same thing happens with my current job, all of my coworkers are women who are 50+ and while I do get along with them I wouldn’t hang out with them after work and there is that same divide bc we are in different life stages.
I don’t know what to do to make friends anymore. I am slightly nervous of “just going out and finding people” bc the area I live in does have some bad people so I am a little wary but I would love some advice for finding friends my own age
|
2025-06-20T17:57:40
|
1lgak33
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How do I become less awkward with new people?
|
I don't know how to get through that first stage of awkardness when meeting new people. I panic on what impression I'm going to make, so I end up barely talking. I SUCK SO BAD at small talk. The best way I get along with new people is with banter (playfully arguing with others), but I can't dk this with everyone cause I'm afraid of what they'll think of me.This is the reason why all of my friends consist of peopme that are easy to get along with, AKA people who are basically friends with everyone.
(Though, I would like to add that I've noticed I'm better in socializing online via text, so yea, that'a that)
|
2025-06-20T10:18:17
|
1lg0g2v
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Why do strangers purse their lips at me?
|
I’m quite socially anxious, but observant. When I’m out in public, at times I’ll notice a lot of people purse their lips at me.
It comes across as a judgmental thing, but not sure.
What’s this all about?
|
2025-06-20T20:30:39
|
1lge8sv
| 0 | 0 |
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