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socialskills
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How do you deal with random strangers who try to start a conversation with you?
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Let's say you're walking through the streets of a big city.
A stranger walks up to you and, instead of saying directly what they want, they just go "hi" or "hi, how are you". And when you respond they will say or ask some other generic shit like "it's a nice day, huh" or "are you here on holiday? where are you from?" and they still don't reveal why they approached you.
At this I'm point I'm getting irritated AF. I'm thinking they probably want to sell something to me, or are trying to scam me. Or they are trying to convince me that I should believe in their god. Or they might be trying to hit on me (they're not somebody I'm interested in). In any case, it's almost never anything good in my experience.
How do you deal with those people? Do you simply ignore them if they don't say what they want in the first sentence? Do you ask them what they want? Do you engage in small talk with them and see where it goes?
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2025-06-16T17:30:24
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1lcz1xp
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How to make friends irl?
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Hi everyone! I'm in need of some genuine help with making friends that aren't strictly online. I've realised in later years that it's very important for me to have friends I can meet with and talk to in person frequently. I don't get that same fulfilment of a genuine connection online and I'm really struggling to find people near me that I could build possible friendships with. My area is quite small and doesn't have many places that you can go out to and find people my age (19). I don't own a car of my own yet to be able to visit people who live further away from me and money is tight so ubering/public transportation is out of the question too. Not being around people is really affecting my mental health at the moment. The people I've made friends with in high school are now far away from me with the universities they've gone to so I do not see them nearly enough to keep my extroverted needs at peace. What possible options are there for me to try? Do you guys have any advice?
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2025-06-16T13:42:53
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1lct5bp
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
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How friendly should you be when faking interest?
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For example, let's say an acquaintance talks about something mildly unfortunate that happened to them. I can't help them, they don't care that much, and I don't care at all. But etiquette says one should express concern. How much is reasonable and how much is being overly fake?
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2025-06-16T17:26:23
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1lcyy2a
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Why do people get upset by disagreement? How do you disagree with people respectfully while staying true to yourself?
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I find that run into disagreements with others in conversations--family, acquaintances, colleagues/coworkers, you name it. In these situations, I'm not trying to be obnoxious or pessimistic--I just find that I have a different way of thinking from them. When I attempt to explain my own POV, many times these people will get upset. I don't want to hurt these people, so I want to learn how I can change my approach in these situations.
[For context, here's an example: today I told my friend I plan on having a small dinner with a few friends to celebrate my new job offer. He said that was great, but that I should reconsider because I am in between jobs and don't start my next one until 2 months. I then told him I have savings to pay for the dinner within my budget. We started to get into a back-and-forth argument, with my friend expressing this spending could become a monthly habit. I told him I appreciated his concern, but I didn't understand why one dinner was getting blown into a monthly occurrence, and then he voiced how I should just move on from the subject if I don't agree, even though from my POV I never asked for advice in the first place.
Looking back, it seems so silly to type all this out. I wasn't mad to disagree with my friend, I was just trying to explain how I think and thought that explaining my POV would help him have a better understanding of my situation and where I was coming from. I only became upset once I realized he was getting agitated, because I didn't understand why he thought I was picking a fight.]
As a result, I would like advice on what to do when disagreement arises in a conversation: how do I balance group harmony with self-expression? Do most people just pretend to agree with others in a conversation to keep the peace? I read online that during disagreements, some people ask questions to understand the other person's POV better--but I don't know what questions to ask about a view I'm not curious about because it just doesn't make logical sense to me when I try my best to process it. (I'm sorry if this comes off as pretentious, I'm just trying to explain my thought process so people can give me advice specific to what I'm not seeing.)
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2025-06-16T03:29:14
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1lcisoq
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How is socializing even meant to work?
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Obviously people have all these ideas of conversation starters. Maybe they are good on paper but they don’t work very well on the field. It’s easy for the entire interaction to take the structure of a Q&A or, even worse, an interrogation. Oftentimes I have to feign reactions to maintain the conversation as well. Even so, that doesn’t help either.
Okay so I ask someone about themselves. Maybe they ask me. And it’s this structure that I’m advised to use right? But it’s precisely the adherence to a structure that obliterates what a conversation should be. It should be based on spontaneity. Not even improv because improv is still a performance. A conversation shouldn’t be a performance. Performances are for the stage or camera where everything is preplanned for the most part. There’s an audience at the very least. This isn’t about having an audience. I’m not here to entertain or be entertained. Sometimes it feels that way though.
You see.. my issue is that my mind immediately jumps to dismantling anything anyone ever tells me. No I’m not claiming to be some super genius. Anyone can do it. I’m not that smart. But there is an impulse… it’s not aggression. It’s more like an urge to just play at devil’s advocate. It’s annoying to others. But, it’s like, what am I meant to say? Either I agree in which I have nothing more to say or I disagree and so much becomes available for me to say. It’s the other unsaid half that is now up for grabs.
But that’s not really how it’s meant to go either. Well this is where someone tells me “Ummm there’s no way it’s ‘meant’ to be” which is right in a limited way. I concede to it. It can’t be a performance because then it isn’t genuine.
Maybe I just don’t have enough in my life and it leaves me with no way to connect with others. So I gotta artificially construct potentially connecting words. Nah that doesn’t work.
Doesn’t help that I get so anxious that my mind goes blank and I automatically say whatever gets the conversation to end. In a polite way. In a way that there’s nothing left to say. Not a shut down but a fast forwarding.
“Stop overthinking it” lol yeah heard that one before. Trust me, no thoughts leads to the same place as too many thoughts. Like increasing the frequency of a sound until you can’t hear it anymore
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2025-06-16T16:02:52
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1lcwq46
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
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this specific wonderful group connection
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2 times I have experienced this and I wish to know and understand more about it, and ideally artificially fabricate this wonderful vibe
it's when your group of friends catch this vibe of being so comfortable, warm, with our bodies feeling light.
I have experienced many comfy hangouts that were fun/relaxing/romantic, etc. But this specific feeling was just out of this world
and the most insane fact about this - is that EVERYONE in the group felt it. It wasnt just me or one or two other people - but everyone!
my friends remember those hangouts to this day (those happened during covid-19)
first case happened after we challenged ourselves to compliment-hit on girls (everyone had to do it)
the second case was just chilling outdoors
I wonder if anyone else experienced it. I havent tried nicotine or drugs in my life, but that feeling was like I was high. I was so happy and warm and light. Unbelievable
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2025-06-16T15:31:36
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1lcvwnv
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How to make a good first impression?
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A new acedemic year is beginning. Everytime this happens I get left out. People make friend group while I remain as an outcaste.
But I want to change this..
A new class and a new opportunity. This is my last opportunity before the school gets over.
How to make good impression and make my own friend group? Any tips of how to act and things in day1
Open to any advices
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2025-06-16T09:33:09
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1lcog4i
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
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I suck at texting
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Lots of time when I'm texting with a guy I like I try to text him back but I just don't know how to respond to his messages. My brain is just completelly blank. Every response I think of sounds so boring. Idk if that because of the answers I get or that I just suck at holding a conversation. Does anyone have any advice?
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2025-06-15T18:54:38
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1lc7ydn
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
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When peers go vague or avoid career questions — intentional or just bad communication?
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theres a peer when asking them anything career-related — like how they navigated their transition — they either become vague, give a one-liner, or don't reply at all. What feels off is that this person has been asking *me* similar things before, even something more on the personal side, and I’ve always responded openly.
Is this a cue to stop the interaction altogether? Or do people just get weird about career transparency? or mainly bad communication skills ? curious how you'd interpret social interactions like this.
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2025-06-16T07:00:36
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1lcm8a9
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
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Friend constantly talks about herself?
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It's getting exhausting for me. I will be like "I've been going to the gym" and I'm always met with a variation of "I could never workout myself, because I ..." always turning the focus onto herself and being self deprecating OR it'll be like "I've been learning about this thing.." and she will say "You're so nerdy xD" or variations of that where it feels like attempts at mocking me or trying to put labels on me. Then things like "I was busy reading this book" and she told me "I can't read books without pictures, I can only read mangas"
I was talking to her about some world politics that happened recently, like "Did you hear ___?" and she went and told me something that happened in her country instead. I told her I heard about it and even gave her additional information. When I tried to turn the convo back to the what I was originally talking about she tried to steer it again without asking anything about what I initially shared.
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2025-06-16T01:38:58
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1lcgpw6
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Just a small question
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So its summer vacation time and im going to be a high school junior after it ends. İ was an asocial dude 2 years ago and couldnt talk with noone and i tried to change. Lost weight and stuff. Seems like i couldnt get much better since im still lonely. İ have like 2 close friends and like 10 people i talk to every now and then. Since it is the start of the summer vacation i feel lonely since everyone i know was from school. What to do guys? İ will start going to the gym dunno if i will find friends tho. İm afraid of being lonely in collage too or attract weird asocial people since only they are trying to find friends. Just like me... Am i too late? How can i be a more social person when school starts again even tho i dont have friends so i cant talk with noone rn?
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2025-06-16T13:25:36
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1lcsqtd
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
I only talk about myself - what do I do?
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I just realized last week that I only ever talk about myself. Apparently the people around me all know this, and I was just completely unaware; I wasn’t always like this, and I don’t know how to fix it.
I’ve tried asking more questions to other people in conversations, but to be honest, I think I’m very self centered because half the time I catch myself completely uninterested in what they’re saying or I’m just being super awkward and forced. I never know what to ask next, or how to continue the conversation after they answer my question, or how to not seem awkward. There are some people I think are very interesting, but whereas when I was younger it was most people, now it’s only like 5% of people. I want to change, but now in every conversation I’m in, I’m just thinking about how selfish I am and how I only want to talk about myself. I feel so stupid and humiliated having not realized this at all.
How do I even go about fixing this? How do I change?
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2025-06-15T23:41:35
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1lcef3q
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
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Sometimes I wonder if working on myself is more important than working on social skills.
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I’ve been thinking about something lately.
A lot of advice around social skills is about how to talk to people, how to make friends, how to connect — which is all super valuable.
But sometimes I feel like… maybe before all of that, what really matters is just becoming someone I’d want to be friends with, myself.
Like, if I feel like I don’t have much to offer — no hobbies, no goals, not much confidence — it’s hard to believe people would want to connect with me, even if I said all the right things.
So maybe the first step isn’t learning how to “socialize” better, but learning how to live better.
To develop interests, work on something I care about, or even just take better care of myself.
Then the social part might come more naturally, or at least feel more meaningful.
I used to feel like I had nothing, and I spent a lot of time alone.
But lately, I’ve started to meet people who actually see value in me.
I’ve been wondering why that changed, and maybe it’s because I had been working on myself all along — and now, people are responding to that in ways they didn’t before.
Just a random reflection.
What do you think?
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2025-06-16T06:22:43
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1lclo8j
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Medications
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Hey everyone! Could you suggest medications/drugs that can be used daily without harmful side effects for socializing? I have social anxiety when I’m in bigger group of people and also trouble maintaining eye contact. Have anyone seen any improvement in socialization and became more talkative/relaxed with medications or lifestyle changes?
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2025-06-16T08:28:06
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1lcnhx6
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
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Exclusion?
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I have ASD, along with anxieties and depression. I *struggle* with the social side of things. Currently, in my final year of highschool, I have a group that I am friends with.
I am being excluded from the group. How do I go about questioning that?
They never invite me to things, or include me in things. I assume that they assume I don't want to come, that I will run 'socially low'.
How can I ask them *why* without sounding accusatory?
How do I explain my point of view, how I am feeling, *how they have made me feel*, without accusing them of doing it on purpose?
How do I ask them to include me, and prepare for them to tell me it was all done on purpose? *(worst case scenario)*
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2025-06-16T08:24:51
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1lcng9t
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
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should i try to make a group chat with my future uni classmates or would that be weird?
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i got into uni this week and since then, i’ve seen a few people comment on diff posts about how they’re going to the same uni (& will have the same major)
so i’ve been thinking that maybe it would be nice to know someone before the year starts, so I’ve been contemplating dming some of them. I’ve also thought about making a group chat on insta with the different people I see, so that we could maybe get to know each other a bit.
do you think that at least some of them would appreciate it and would be willing to join? or is that a bad idea?
mainly, i just don’t want to come off as weird before the year even starts yk ☠️☠️
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2025-06-16T11:56:54
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1lcqvgy
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
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How can I rid of intense fear of being judged
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I have this immense fear of being judged by people i can't even start a conversation every time I try to say something my mind goes like what will happen if I say this or that I know is good think before speaking but in my case I have been thinking of outcome so much that I even take action
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2025-06-15T14:52:30
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1lc26b1
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
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Any tips to improve wit/stay calm in social situations
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I'm not a very confrontational person so even in joking situations where I'm being picked on by my friends (as banter) I tend to close up and I can't think of a response back. I'll admit I'm quite a sensitive person so because I can't comment back I can feel quite bad about myself and sometimes get a bit paranoid that the person is genuinely trying to insult me.
The main thing is that its just something I really want to improve on because I feel like it does affect my self-esteem and I just want to be able to enjoy having a conversation or joke around without worrying about not knowing what to say.
Any ideas on how I could improve would be super helpful!!
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2025-06-16T00:46:09
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1lcfpik
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
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How do you make friends? No one seems to give me a chance.
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To preface, I do take an interest in others, initiate most of the time, ask questions, and try to make sure there's a level of reciprocity.
But it always seems to just stroke other peoples egos who don't ever invite me to anything or initiate conversations on their end. When they will literally light up as soon as anyone else shows up and does the same things you were doing. What the fuck is so fundamentally wrong with me?
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2025-06-16T00:22:14
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1lcf8kc
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
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Being around others
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I want to feel more comfortable around my partner, friends & family without seeming like I’m not interested. I feel really alone, and I want to be around others without feeling I shut others out. I want to give back the same energy & good vibes. I don’t know how to get close to others or share much about myself. I don’t have much of a social battery nor social life.
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2025-06-16T04:05:54
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1lcjga2
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How to convince or persuade someone that you just don’t wanna do it?
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How do, I get someone to not forcing me to go somewhere, do something or be on something that ‘you have no choice to’. It’s like I’m backed into the wall without a bulldozer to break it down. Today, I had a teacher telling me to join an event that is embarrassing for me to do, cause I have to do something that is embarrassing. People normally would tell me to man up and take the bullet, but for me I think sometimes we should just take an no for an answer if you know what I mean, if you don’t want to do something then you should have a choice to do so without hard feelings.
I think most of the situations I encounter is like this, from forcing someone to do their homework or else I wouldn’t be their friend anymore, how do I solve this without any bad outcome?
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2025-06-16T06:01:53
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1lclczd
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
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I’ve been fighting with feelings of loneliness and social anxiety for years, how do I get close with people?
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I’ve slowly realized that I have actually no idea of getting close with people or getting to know someone. I can hold an average conversation, and I can have surface level interactions. But I can never get deeper than that. I can bond with people with similar interests or experiences but I don’t think I really get along with anybody. I want to be best friends with someone, or be included in a friendgroup. But I’m not sure how to truly interact with people on a deep level.
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2025-06-15T16:21:44
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1lc49gt
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
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Am I the reason I can't talk to people and have no real friends
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I'm (18F) not insecure in my appearance or my personality, but when it comes to talking to people, I can't hold a conversation. I went out the other night to meet a group of people who my childhood friend (A) is friends with. They are all extroverted and very talkative, but every time I tried to talk to them, they wouldn't converse with me, and the conversation (which barely existed) ran dry in less than two mins. This has been happening my whole life. I had no friends in sports lessons I took as a kid because the other kids would much rather talk to each other than to me, and when I got older, my high school team was the same. I joined cause one friend I kinda knew at the time joined, but I was not able to make friends with anyone, and I was nice and talked to people (small talk, which was very dry), but they all seemed to avoid talking to me. This happened through elementary to high school as well, everyone I have ever been friends with always ended up finding better people and would stop talking to me at some point. This included people who were new to the school, too. I would always be friends with them, but eventually they would become friends with others and would no longer spend time with me. Every new person id met would always leave me for someone more fun, funny, and easier to talk to.
It's not that I never had friends; I was just always the last person people wanted to be around. In elementary school, I had a group of friends who eventually split up into pairs, and then I was left alone. In middle school, I became friends with a group of girls who initially seemed great but eventually became very toxic towards me. They were muslims, they followed a strict set of religious rules ( I am not muslim but I do very much respect all religions and cultures), but they would bash me for not also following it or just judge me for it. Eventually, I started talking to these girls in front of me in class and became friends with them and sat with them for the rest of middle school. They seemed great, i was really happy finally having a group of people where I felt wanted, but then again high school came, I reconnected with 'A' through my middle school friend and we got close but we made friends with a few more girls and then I got left in the back always. They would go off the high school campus to grab food, and when I would ask where they were, they would be like Oh, we're getting food or just not answer the phone at all. It got to the point where I would avoid eating lunch with them and just eat alone, but they would still call us "friends".
University came, and I moved to a different city to get away from home. Life was better, and 'A' and I shared a dorm. But...I made no new friends at Uni. 'A' also had the attitude of us being friends and was like its fine wthv it's not worth becoming friends with anyone else. I became close with this one girl 'B' from high school who my roommate was friends with, out of forced proximity. We're close, but not anything crazy. Freshman year ended, and I was supposed to move to the States to live with family, but the new administration prevented that. 'A' made a bunch of new friends at her new job back in our hometown city, and I still live in our university city. Those are the people I met last night. She became this very social person who everyone wants to be around, and everyone loves her. She didn't make an effort to even include me with her friends, which I thought, "Great, again the same situation. She made some new friends who are much more fun to be around, and she would much rather hang around them than me". I just kind of hung out with 'B' since she was also there. I came back to my apartment today and just feel hopeless. Now I'm taking a gap year from school and I meeting people is gonna be harder then it ever was.
For background, I grew up with severe physical and emotional abuse from both my parents which now I have now been diagnosed with clinical depression, which has only been getting worse. Talking to people is draining, and I didn't have fun last night either. I just felt drained, and I no longer get excited for things like that. Socializing is a nightmare and is always a horrible experience for me. I've gotten to the point where I have given up on having friends that I enjoy being around, because every experience growing up has always been horrible and now I just can't do it anymore.
I know im not a bad person, I haven't been talked bad about, I haven't had people that hate. I don't know what my issue is and what I am doing wrong but I don't even know what type of people I want in my life anymore. I'm just so tired.
P.S: I do not have a job yet so I cannot meet people through there (the job market is rough right now frfr 😔🤟🏼
Thanks for reading this I know it was long, if you have any advice I would highly appreciate it
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2025-06-16T02:01:52
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1lch5uq
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Socially awkward around everyone
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So I’m socially awkward around literally everyone other than my husband and my parents. I have two brothers and they are both socially awkward themselves so we get along awkwardly. 😭 But I’m even super awkward with my close friends and I HATE it.
I’m extremely self conscious about how I stand, how I sit, how my voice sounds, how I walk, what facial expressions I use. I shouldn’t even care! I avoid interactions so I don’t embarrass myself and I have. Many times.
I try to speak more, I want to speak more. When I talk I speak out of order and then try to fix it or I forget common words in the middle of my sentences and the whole thing just sounds like nonsense.
People don’t listen to me when I talk or they talk over me and then ask why I never speak :(
How can I become less awkward??
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2025-06-16T06:58:02
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1lcm6yp
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Can I still date even if I lack experience?
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I’ve had multiple dates where it seems to go perfectly, we hang for hours, and I have great conversations then the next day they ask to hang out again then they ghost. I’ve never made it to a second date. I found out from people I know that it’s because I wasn’t touchy enough. I have no idea how to escalate but now I can’t get an opportunity because I have no more matches on the apps. It’s like being my age with zero experience means I have to learn an entire degree within a week and even then it’s not enough. Women just automatically see me as a red flag.
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2025-06-15T06:20:35
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1lbtipz
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
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How do you apologize while standing up for yourself?
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I dont understand how to apologize for doing something wrong while also letting the other person know that they hurt you without making your apology sound fake. Instinctively I would apologize and add on at the end how they hurt me but it sounds like I don't mean my apology. For example "I'm sorry I hurt you but you did x y z." doesn't sound like a true apology. But I always end up apologizing without mentioning how they hurt me because of this and it kinda fucks up the relationship. Advice plez!!!
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2025-06-15T13:31:23
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1lc0ebj
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How do you make online friends?
|
Hey guys, I'm new to reddit. I'm trying to be more social online, but I don't really get how to make online friends?
I have discord, but I still don't really know how discord and their servers work. I just recently started gaming, but I have no idea how people game together.
I have a few irl long distance friends that i keep in contact via the internet, but they don't feel genuine? No matter what, online friendships feel like exchanging emails and just like a responsibility to me, like just a task to get rid of the notifications.
I also have no idea how people "hang out" online? One of my irl friends says that he prefers online friends cause they're less socially taxing, but it feels the opposite to me?
Will joining discord calls help? Maybe some other social media apps? Or is online friends just not for me?
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2025-06-16T02:28:38
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1lchnyi
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
I NEDD help!
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The last time i've had freinds was in highschool. That was 2 years ago. And those freinds? Gone the second we graduated. Now, two years later, I have had three acquaintances in two years. All of which I had contacts for, but never became freinds with. How the fuck do I make freinds? Im twenty years old and I have to talk to myself to drown out the silence. I can't even make online freinds because I dont play social video games cause of my shitty pc. I just want to socialize, and have people to hang out with. And I need to make these connections before this loneliness gets to be to much and I start actually losing who I am. Please. Help.
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2025-06-16T02:20:53
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1lchiru
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
19 años y jamás he estado con alguien
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Así es, quiero decir, no significa que no me entre la curiosidad de saber que se siente dejar de ser "pura", pero honestamente a veces si da miedo o simplemente a veces me da asco o no me da la gana... Pero por supuesto tengo mis momentos de debilidad, a veces simplemente quiero dejar todo temor atrás y estar con alguien, pero el problema... O bueno, el caso es que no hay nadie. Cuando cumplí 18 estuve a punto de darlo... Pero no, el tipo era un asco... Algún consejo?
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2025-06-15T22:29:31
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1lccx0s
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Do you say your parents' names when you introduce them to people?
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Specifically people who are senior to yourself / in your parents' age range
For example, say you wanted to introduce your mom to a professor. Would you say, "Professor Smith, this is my mom, Jen"?
Or would you say, "Professor Smith, this is my mom" and then let your mom give her own name?
Would love to hear everyone's thoughts
\*Edited for conciseness
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2025-06-16T02:11:43
|
1lchcio
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Gen z and weed and alcohol
|
I’ve seen a lot of studies and general concern about how young people consume less alcohol than past generations and that they’ve replaced it with weed. In this case, their concern about this dearth of alcohol consumption is that it’s an indicator of less social interaction and less willingness to go out, socialize, meet new people, have sex.
From my perspective I have 2 reasons for why this is happening:
There’s more widespread about the dangers of alcohol and how it is literally poison. It’s estrogenic and destroys your hormones. Even 1 drink can disrupt your sleep on a given night. If it means people are turning to healthier habits like fitness, then this is a welcome adjustment.
Alcohol and activities based around alcohol don’t have the same ROI that they used to. Bars are needlessly expensive, and don’t get me started on covers. Clubs turned to shit because of phones, private sections, and bottle service BS. Not to mention everyone has cameras, deterring people from dancing and being themselves. It’s just not the same experience it used to be.
Anyone have any opinions on this?
|
2025-06-14T20:30:14
|
1lbibfw
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Asking friends to invite me to their social circle?
|
Hi! Im very socially isolated, but I do have two roommates who are effectively my only friends. Every night I hear them having a great time with their online friend group on discord. It makes me feel really sad because I know I’ll never have that. I’ve met three of the friends out of that group (in addition to my two roommates) and we got along really well. There are a lot of shared interested and values between the group and I. I’ve talked to one of my roommates about how I feel socially left out, but he has not invited me to their group.
With that context, is it inappropriate for me to ask for an invitation to that group? I’m making up in my mind that it’s a giant social faux pa to do so. Also they should be the ones to invite me, I shouldn’t invite myself or ask right?
|
2025-06-15T20:07:08
|
1lc9ol7
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How to deal with friend of a friend who you don’t exactly get along with.
|
Let me start by saying I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read my post, I hope it’s not too long of a read but I’m really struggling here.
I’m not even sure where to begin, but I feel like my social anxiety is like a highway where I start to feel better and more confident in myself and I’m just cruising smoothly along.
Then certain people come along like stop signs out of nowhere, and drag me right back down into self doubt.
I’ve certainly been dealing with social anxiety and depression my whole life and have pinpointed it to being caused by having one extremely overprotective parent, and the other being extremely critical of anything and everything I did growing up.
So, basically I don’t know how to deal with people, especially other males in a normal way without feeling like any confrontation will become a heated argument or I will be looked at as weak and not “manly” for being too negative.
I guess I will just share my most recent experience and go from there…
One of my hobbies is playing hockey during the week, sometimes on a team, and sometimes during rental sessions.
It really is a small community where most everyone knows everyone else, and I’ve become friends with the guy who captains quite a few teams, and also runs most of the rental sessions during the week.
As someone who deals with SA, it’s been hard for me to finally get confidence in myself and my playing style because I didn’t really start getting into playing hockey until my mid twenties. This means I have never been coached by anyone and have had to teach myself how to play, but I’ve always known how to skate at an advanced level.
The point I’m getting at is I feel like I’ve come a long way and have finally found my fit. I have gotten better and most people around me have noticed and when I play with them, I feel confident in myself which leads to them feeling confident in me so we have fun out there and the stress from the grind if everyday life just melts away.
At the end of the day, I have learned not to be so hard on myself and to actually have fun out there because that’s what it’s all about. It’s just a recreational activity and sometimes it really is fun to take it seriously especially when playing vs other good teams. But MOST times it’s playing with other people who know we all have work the next morning and we’re really just there to not think about anything, and just enjoy each other’s company and play a game.
Now here is my current problem…
There’s this guy who plays every so often who has been friends for a long time with the guy who I mentioned earlier that runs some teams and the rental sessions.
In my opinion, this guy really doesn’t respect me as a person or a hockey player because, well he reminds me a lot of my parent who is extremely over-critical.
I constantly hear him talking good about other guys out there and ignores their mistakes, but with me it’s the opposite.
I can feel him watching me all the time and picking me apart when I make a mistake, and ignoring every good play I make out there.
And the worst part is he never shuts up. He is always yelling like a coach. Even when we’re winning, it’s like he’s expecting everyone to skate hard and treat every moment like we’re playing in the NHL.
The problem I have is I let this bother me and it completely, and I mean completely takes me out of my game to the point where I just want to leave and go home because I’m not having fun doing something that is literally meant to be a fun time.
I know I get sensitive so I just get really quiet and don’t say anything to the guy and I can feel his disrespect towards me, even though he never directly says anything to me. I don’t want to ask our mutual friend every time if this dude is going to be playing, because then I feel like I will come off as a baby or weak if I say I’m not playing if he’s going to show up.
But like I said, the real issue is I don’t know how to tune this guy out because I feel I get triggered by him because he speaks exactly like my over-critical parent. And obviously I don’t know how to confront him in the right way either.
It’s like he doesn’t want to appreciate that I have gotten better and he just feels like I’m still the same player I was 5 years ago and am going to just make mistakes out there and be stupid. I want to just tell him to shut the fuck up and let me play and trust me. But then I will be the asshole right? I want to tell him to just chill out and enjoy the game and have fun, but he’s just one if them guys that I can’t get myself to like, even though I definitely don’t hate the guy or anything. It’s just one of those things I guess.
It’s like certain people put you in a category especially when you’re the more laid back, quiet type, and then all of a sudden when you show improvements, it makes them react a certain way.
Even when I’m on the opposite team as him when we play against each other in a rental session. I will make a good play against him and not hear a peep out of him like “oh good play” or “nice move” or anything. But then when someone else does the same, I’ll hear him singing their praises.
I mean I’m at the rink like 4+ times a week because it’s something I obviously enjoy doing and then this guy comes along every so often and completely ruins it for me. So now after playing with him today, I’m back to doubting myself.
I got real quiet after the game, and when my other buddy showed up for the game after mine, I barely said a word to him because I know that I will just start “complaining” about the dude I don’t get along with.
It’s like I’ve been doing SO GOOD recently and all it takes is for this one person to show up one time and just like that, all that effort to be more positive and just enjoy life goes right out the window.
I just don’t know how to channel this energy from people who remind me of the ones in my life who always made me feel less than. Especially when it comes to them being involved in the same activities that I enjoy doing for not only exercise, but for boosting my self confidence.
|
2025-06-16T01:25:17
|
1lcggh2
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How do I make new friends?
|
I(18F) can't figure out how do I start making friends again. I joined few group chats in Instagram. Unfortunately I couldn't match the vibe with people and left after half an hour.
Without socializing or keeping myself busy I am getting depressing thoughts. Please suggest what I should do?
|
2025-06-15T16:29:17
|
1lc4fx4
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How to take a potential snubbing
|
Hi everyone,
I have an acquaintance who I used to go to the gym with. It was a CrossFit gym and we had a little group where we used to do stuff together outside of the gym. I've left so although I'm still friendly with the group I don't see them as much anymore.
Anyway, yesterday it was one of their birthdays. I posted a little birthday message on their profile and they replied to everyone except me.
As far as I know there's no bad blood. They were engaging positively with some stuff I posted a few weeks ago.
I feel it's a bit dramatic to ask them what's up but it's bothering me given I'm the only one who got no acknowledgement. How should I proceed in a way that recognises my feelings but doesn't make a big drama out of something very insignificant
|
2025-06-16T01:02:03
|
1lcg0jn
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Where to find friends as an adult?
|
The title is fairly self explanatory. At work the focus is on getting the job done, and then I simply go home before the cycle repeats. As an adult, where do most people meet new friends?
|
2025-06-15T02:41:29
|
1lbptvg
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Why can I never remember events when people confront me?
|
I have had big issues in the past with being called a liar and for making excuses for problems. However, I have incredible difficulty remembering events when people bring them up, and when I'm confronted about the past, I honest to god can't remember my side of the story, so I accept whatever the other person says as truth, even if I realize later it's not. And then my stories don't line up, and people call me a liar. I lost friends over it.
My therapist says I have memory issues due to trauma, but I'm not sure how to fix this. I don't want to lose my friends again, and I don't ever want to be a liar. I thought maybe I was an honest person, but maybe I'm just lying so much that I'm lying to myself. Can you lie so unconsciously that you believe yourself? What can I do? My current friends don't think I'm a liar, but I'm scared that maybe they just don't know me yet.
|
2025-06-15T15:56:28
|
1lc3nlo
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Having trouble with eye contact
|
When do l break eye contact when someone done talking? I know I’m overthinking it but it just feels so awkward once the person done talking and we both just staring at each other. Should l just look away or stare until they break eye contact first?
|
2025-06-15T20:22:10
|
1lca1ft
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
What's the social etiquette in this scenario
|
If I am somewhere and I decide I want to uber home, my friends in the same area but 10 minutes away. Should I ask them to split the uber? If they refuse because they don't want to pay, do I let them ride for free to my house or expect them to take the bus?
|
2025-06-15T19:30:26
|
1lc8tdu
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
I'm 25 and I don't know how to belong with people my age
|
I’ve always felt older than I am. Not in a mystical or enlightened way. All the soul crushing introspection without any of the actual wisdom and life experience to back it up.
I got along better with adults when I was a kid. And now that I am an adult, I feel out of sync. Socializing feels foreign. Small talk feels like sandpaper. I want to connect, but I crave depth. If I get comfortable with someone, I know that can probably come off intense, or just plain weird, to people who are used to lighter interactions.
I moved to a different state not long ago, and I’ve been isolating a lot since then. It’s way too easy when that’s what you grew up doing. But now, in a time of life when I should be building meaningful connections, I feel like I’m just… floating. I feel very, very lost.
I should mention that I also have C-PTSD. Which comes with its own strange cocktail of hyper-awareness, emotional intensity, and social exhaustion. It’s made forming friendships feel more like threading a needle in a moving car.
I’ve started seeing a psychologist to work on my social anxiety (among other things), and it’s helped me realize just how much I want to connect, but also how much fear, disconnection, and confusion there is around how to.
Annnnd on top of all that, it genuinely feels like it's getting harder in general to form real relationships. Between political division, social anxiety, and the weird flattening effect of tech, it’s like the whole world is drifting apart and I'm grasping at nothing.
So, here's a few questions I could use answers too that I'm hoping will help me work through these feelings:
What do you look for in a friend at this stage in life?
How do you get out of your own head long enough to let connection happen?
How do you know when someone actually sees you, and not just the performative version?
What do you wish you knew when you first started trying to reconnect with people?
What’s something small that helped you feel less alone?
Thanks for taking time to pause and read this. I hope me talking about this helps other people feel less alone <3
|
2025-06-14T17:28:24
|
1lbe4jw
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How do i let go of friends?
|
Ive always thought of leaving a group of friends because they were… rude and loud. The kinds of people who thought it was funny to throw trash in a crowd or ask people’s snap “as a joke”. I confess they were fun to hang out with though, they were always down for games and made a car ride into a karaoke room but I was the odd ones out. Im the quietest one and… the nicest one (idk how else to word it) I was the one to pick up the trash they left behind, apologize to the people they disturbed and other things that i felt i had to fix. They always had a “i dont care” way of thinking which i morally don’t align with, which is why i wanted to leave.
But i guess it wasnt my choice anyway cuz I was the one excluded from my friend group. After a event where we all hanged out, we had a two-week break, and I focused on work but kept my days open in case they wanted to hang out. I didn't get a single invite
After that, I noticed they started forming an inner circle, going on car rides and hangouts without me. I then made some new friends and have a lot of fun with them, but I still get jealous when I see my old group hanging out on social media. It reminds me of the old days, and even though it's been months, I'm still not over it. Sometimes, I still want to go to events with them because they're still a fun group to be with. I have a new group of friends, a job and pets im 100% responsible for so im keeping myself busy but i still think of them time to time.
Theres something in me that wants to repair our friendship, should i? Or should i let them go? And how do i let go of friends?
|
2025-06-15T09:28:03
|
1lbwaff
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How to act nice without seeming like im weird or lying?
|
I’ve always struggled with social skills and have only really had friends for the past 4 or so years. A lot of the people I was friends with in the past jokingly insulted me often and to fit in I copied them and now also show affection through teasing and joking insults but recently I’ve been told im mean sometimes and I’m trying to unlearn the habits I’ve been mirroring. I want to be uplifting and sweet but I find that when I genuinely compliment others I feel like I seem creepy or disingenuous. I feel like I either have to act super nonchalant when saying something nice so they don’t think I’m flirting or over exaggerate to get the point across that I’m being honest but I feel that people still don’t like being around me when I do this. How do I naturally uplift people and be seen and a good person that people like to be around without being weird?
|
2025-06-15T22:14:23
|
1lcclj7
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Don’t know how to socialize anymore
|
Hi, this year i’m turning 19 years old and for the last 5 years, i have lost all confidence and social skills and i honestly have no idea how to make friends anymore. I find it hard to make conversations with people and especially in college where i find it difficult to make any friends. I used to be very social and very confident to talk to people, but ever since covid i have never been the same. i come here asking people what are ways you guys have build up your own confidence as i want advice and want to fix my issues before i get any older
|
2025-06-15T09:38:03
|
1lbwfk5
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
I went out of my comfort zone to ask one of my acquaintances to hang out. Now I’m scared
|
I haven’t done this before but I’m actually scared now. Yes she gave me the green light and for the past few months she overall enjoys talking to me. But I’m scared because I look ugly at the moment
I’ve had a history with no friends for the majority of my life (18 years out of my life, and I’m almost 19 now), and I’ve been struggling with absolute rock bottom self confidence issues since childhood. So now that things are actually happening now I’m scared. I look really good in long hair (most likely because I have an oval-oblong face shape so I need volume), but right now my hair is short so I look terrible. I look like sht. I’m scared to hang out with her because I’m not good enough. Even though it’s just as friends it doesn’t matter. I look so bad in short hair and I don’t even know how she agreed to hang out in the first place. I don’t think I’m good enough for this, but I had to do it because I need to improve my social skills and stop being alone 24/7(which is my comfort zone). I also need social skills for networking so I have no choice
But the confidence just isn’t there man I feel like I look like a 4/10 max right now even if no one else agrees. Sure there’s a possibility that others think I look fine (which I’ve been told) but I just assume they’re being nice. Even if that’s not the case it doesn’t matter, because I view my self as ugly and so I feel ashamed that I’m hanging out with this person.
What can I do now? It’s already gonna happen so the only thing I can do is prepare
|
2025-06-15T16:52:07
|
1lc4zx1
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Help me brainstorm social activities for unconventional work schedule!
|
I work 2-10 pm on weekdays and my weekends are busy. I'd like to meet people my age, but it seems children and retired people are the only people with free time during the mornings. So far the ideas I have are: advertise on social media for a weekday hiking/sport meetup, go to bars, and find a city nearby with weekday/latenight group classes at the gym. Any comments & suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
|
2025-06-15T14:36:17
|
1lc1t21
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Person I don't like in friend group
|
Hi everyone, so I'm in a peculiar situation where there's a person that I associate with that I honestly don't like. He doesn't know this and for some reason he thinks we're closer than we are. Every time he texts me or talks to me I just loathe it. It's an unfortunate situation but I can't help but feel this way. I mean what should I do should I tell them what I feel? Tell them to stop? ignore them? It's complicated because we have mutual friends that we hang with.
|
2025-06-15T19:36:03
|
1lc8y6r
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Most of my friendships feel unbalanced
|
I am personally very picky about who I want to be friends with long term. I feel like they have to fill in a section I am missing/ have a purpose. But when I do become close with someone, I start relying on them too much or having expectations that they will reciprocate the feeling of how important they are to me, which is rarely the case. I eventually start becoming extremely anxious and dependent, damaging my relationships. I start spiraling thinking they’re going to stop being friends making me even more clingy and making everything worse. Yet, I don’t know how to stop myself from: 1. Keeping my circle of friends small. 2. Becoming overly emotionally dependent on the friends I do keep. 3. Feeling like my friends are going to leave me because I’m not important enough to them/ good enough for them. Any tips or advice to curb these behaviors and thoughts?
|
2025-06-15T15:10:02
|
1lc2kxz
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How to be (endearingly) awkward?
|
I’m trying to be reasonable with myself. I’m never going to be great socially. But, I feel like I have untapped potential as an endearing awkward person. I just don’t know how to channel it.
My anxiety comes from having a traumatic and generally not normal life compared to the people I’m around day to day. So I don’t see that going away. And it’s my anxiety and nervousness about appearing anxious that make me come off as weird, not endearing.
I don’t know how to not care.
I also feel like there’s some expectations on me to be good socially because I’m a conventionally attractive woman, which kind of amplifies my anxiety.
So, any good tips on being funny weird and not cringe weird?
|
2025-06-15T05:49:41
|
1lbt1te
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Is saying "you look good" a hurtful thing to say?
|
I'm incredibly socially unaware and I often say things that come off as awkward or rude without meaning to. But today, it's unclear to me if I made a mistake or not. I was at a family gathering, and I saw my grandma's sister, who I havent seen for years. I said hi and we hugged, and then I told her "you look good". Which is the truth, I think she's really beautiful. But when I said that, her smile disappeared and she turned and completely disengaged. Didn't respond or say anything to me the rest of the day. Honestly, I didn't seek her out to say anything else because I was kind of distressed and thought I should just keep my big mouth shut.
This confuses me though. I thought this was a nice thing to say? And I didn't say it as a backhanded compliment; it was a simple and genuine compliment. Lately I've been trying to be more vocal with compliments. Like if I see someone at the store who I think has a really cute bag, I tell them! I like to think it makes peoples day, because it would certainly make mine. I never thought it would backfire like with my grandma's sister. When I got home, I cried out of frustration at yet again having accidentally hurt someone's feelings. Does she think I was being dishonest? Or is this really just not a good thing to say to people? I will probably stop saying this, as I don't want to make the same mistake again.
|
2025-06-15T06:06:52
|
1lbtbe0
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How do I keep conversations going if the other person is also an introvert?
|
Hi, this is my first post on Reddit or really any other social platform that isn't Instagram. I've been realizing recently that I'm not fulfilled in my life, more specifically in the social aspect of it. So I'm here to see if I can make new friends/relationships and trying to put myself out there a little more. This is very new to me but it's kind of exciting getting the opportunity to talk with so many different strangers and learn new things. I don't really know how to go about that tho, which is why I'm here trying to figure out how to keep conversation as an introvert and a person who doesn't talk that much. I just need better social skills and I'm hoping I'll get some tips here. So if anyones got any tips or advice, I'd really appreciate it!
|
2025-06-15T01:29:21
|
1lboi1k
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Is this an acceptable apology? I’m not very good at apologizing and some feedback would be helpful.
|
I thought about some of the things you said, it’s alright if you don’t hit me up. It’s not something I “expect” really, I was kinda operating under the assumption that you liked talking to me, and I guess I felt stupid and a little embarrassed when you expressed that you didn’t like how much we were talking. I didn’t realize that talking to me annoyed you so much, and I’m going to make an active effort to limit my texts to you. You also shouldn’t feel obligated to hit me up, and I know in the past I’ve gotten upset when I don’t hear from you in a while, and that’s not fair to you. I shouldnt expect you to text me even if you might not necessarily want to. If you wanted to talk to me, you’d reach out. I’m sorry I’ve been annoying you, and I’ll do my best to leave you alone and give you room to breathe.
|
2025-06-15T17:15:45
|
1lc5kxk
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
help! i have SEVERE trouble talking first
|
hi, a very serious issue i’ve noticed recently is that i find it very difficult to be the first one to talk in a social setting. i only feel comfortable if someone directly talks to me and therefore makes me a part of the conversation. i’m horrific at starting conversations but perfect at carrying them.
i think it might be because the few times i HAVE talked first, the conversation has fizzled out because the person seemed completely uninterested — naturally, i recognize that and leave them alone. but it just birthed this thing in me where i feel severely crippled to go and start a convo with anyone, even though i am best at talking to strangers.
i’ll be the first to say, this may be rooted in insecurity. deep inside i feel like ill get the same “ignored” or “reluctant” response from everyone that i’ve gotten whenever i tried to spark a conversation. gives me heart palpitations at the idea of going into a big group of people and somehow trying to incorporate into them even though that’s where i want to be. it feels to me as though my conversations bore people — from my observations, it seems true in my interactions with many people, yet i have made just as many countless new friends that ended up stuck to me for ages which counteracts the observation. maybe it’s a personality incompatibility? don’t know! i’ve also been told countless times in my childhood that im “boring” and it settled down somewhere deep inside me now.
i’m worried because this has lost me a lot of online friends and it’s starting to disturb me now. i find it difficult to be the first one to reach out or ask for calls. i am definitely an extrovert, i derive my energy from social interactions, and so my inability to talk first is really frustrating me. its actually begun to mentally affect me.
i really need your advice on starting conversations without boring the person, how to detect if they’re just reluctant to open up or want nothing to do with me, bc i really don’t know what’s wrong. thank you!
|
2025-06-15T09:42:21
|
1lbwhuk
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How to feel like I belong?
|
I don’t think I’ve ever felt like I belong anywhere. I always feel like I’m failing to be a normal person, like my conversations are something I can “win” or “lose”. It’s sounds kind of silly. I am so anxious that I feel like I’m failing before the conversation even starts. I always get so embarrassed and nervous when I say something wrong or have a confusing reaction to something. It’s so frustrating. I try to fake confidence but I feel like everyone can see through it. A lot of it is probably anxiety and low self esteem clouding my vision but I don’t know how to begin to stop feeling this.
|
2025-06-15T05:11:07
|
1lbsfht
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
People almost never reach out to me but always accept invitations to hang out.
|
As the title suggests, I am quite confused at this phenomenon. I am always active socially (well not always) but the same cannot be said for any of my friends. I am always the one needing to reach out, maybe it starts off good in the beginning, and they reach out. But as time goes by, they stop reaching out entirely and I go months without hearing from them. Why does this always happen and how do I make sure to stay away from these types of people?
|
2025-06-14T20:55:57
|
1lbiwgn
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
im (19m) i have just observed that iam autistic (well kinda)
|
I recently met up with some old friends after a long time, and we went to the mountains. But instead of feeling excited, I felt completely drained—like I wasn’t supposed to be there. I just wanted to be alone in my room, scrolling on my phone.
Because of how I acted, they now think I’m depressed. But I don’t think that’s really the issue.
The thing is, when I’m around people I’m comfortable with—who don’t judge me—I’m actually very energetic, talkative, and fun. But when I’m around very confident or expressive people, I become extremely self-conscious. It’s not that I dislike them—I just feel overwhelmed. I think to myself, “How are they so secure while expressing the same thoughts I’m afraid to say out loud?”
I want to be that kind of person too—someone whose presence is respected, someone who can be assertive, comfortable in his skin, and fun to be around.
A lot of this comes from my past. I used to be overweight and got bullied for how I looked and the way I thought. People used to call me weird. I convinced myself that being teased was just “normal friend behavior.” But deep down, I never felt valued—just tolerated.
Later, when I joined a new group and stood up for myself, I was told I was “too sensitive.” That left me confused—how much should I really tolerate before standing my ground?
pls help iam 19 and have like very few friends, very few ...
fewer than the number you thought
(i sometimes think making these kind of jokes are making me wierd)
incase if you are wondering if this was a joke or not , it is one and was quite funny for me
|
2025-06-15T06:19:00
|
1lbthuw
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Starting new job, how to avoid discussing my past?
|
Im not too keen on really telling anyone anything about me, my previous jobs, details about any of that really.
So far I have had a limited interaction with only one guy who kept pushing to know more and more.
All i really feel like saying is, ya know, yea i worked in X industry.
How do i navigate this without coming off as a prick?
|
2025-06-15T16:01:26
|
1lc3rx7
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
im killing my social life
|
i cant have 1 on 1 conversations at all. i just dont have the motivation anymore. it takes a lot for me to think of a good enough response without sounding dry. im scared im losing my online friends bc of this. what do i do?
|
2025-06-15T03:22:18
|
1lbqki1
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Talking to a girl I already met a lot
|
Hello, so I have the following problem:
There is this girl I really like and we met quite some times also made out and everything.
The problem is that sometimes there is nothing to talk about. If I tell her something I dont feel like a lot is coming back and sometimes I dont know what to say.
I met here yesterday and I wanted to say something but just didnt know what.
Usually I dont have that problem talking to people, I think its also a problem of hers but cant change that. Also we are not talking in my mother language which makes it even harder for me.
Any advise on how to have better conversation with her and also make her talk more?
|
2025-06-15T15:27:44
|
1lc2zoc
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Instagram "etiquette" advice?
|
This social media thing is driving me crazy. Why are people liking my story when i haven't talked to them in years? Do i have to reciprocate? Do i have to go follow everyone new i know or do i have to wait some kind of moment or something? I'm 16 but i can't wrap my head around this.
This girl that was my deskmate in middle school randomly decided to comment on my story (cause of course they had to add this too to make it even more difficult) on all caps "GORGEOUS!!" like what do i have to do now? We used to just ignore eachother but do i have to say hi to her now if i see her? Do i have to write stuf under her story too?
Gosh yall this is driving me crazy. I love socializing irl and i'm really outgoing most times but people take in consideration social media just as much as your personality and i noticed my lack of skills in this is actually kinda jeopardizing my social life
|
2025-06-15T10:38:01
|
1lbxbvn
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Fear of being annoying
|
I’m 20f and I have no friends besides my boyfriend. I really like talking to people, like, it’s my favorite thing ever to connect with someone and to laugh and have fun. But I have a problem, I tend to be too hyper, and I’m scared that makes people uncomfortable. Like I get really smiley, talkative and asking them too many questions. I feel like that can be overwhelming for someone… and I get that. I remember one time I was getting coffee with my boyfriend, the barista asked me “How long have you been in braces for?”, I responded with “ohhhhhh maybe like 2 years already I’m so excited to get them off but I’m scared of the retainer because what if it gets gross I heard they’re hard to clean!” The barista seemed genuinely interested in talking to me and I know it seem like they’re just trying to make a customer comfortable but I wanted to get to know them. They were receptive too and willing to speak with me. My boyfriend cut our conversation short by saying we had to go, my boyfriend said I was holding that barista from their job up by “talking too much” and said “it makes people uncomfortable and annoyed when you speak like that” and I couldn’t help but to understand that he was right. Really, that whole experience prompted me to write this post. Even my own boyfriend finds me annoying sometimes, one time we were playing a video game together and I was so excited, he said he found something cool in the video game and I just wanted to see so badly and he got irritated and said “oh my god you’re just in my ear and face, I feel so overstimulated. Just calm down.” I don’t want to make another person feel annoyed ever. Every time I meet someone new and it could blossom into a friendship, I’m scared that I just get connected to easily like if I ask for their number or social media to further connect with them I’m being weird and needy. I get scared to reach out to them and ask them to hangout because they’ll think I’m being needy or annoying. I don’t even know what to say or ask them where to hangout and I’m scared of bothering people. Lately, I’ve just been closing my mouth. I feel like people might think asking for someone’s number just to hangout might be weird because no one’s ever asked for my number just to hangout before. Clearly the way I am, I’m doing something wrong. Can anyone here relate?
|
2025-06-14T21:04:29
|
1lbj3cp
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Can people pleasers be energy vampires?
|
I realized these days that I am friends with a vampire energy: but not the type that shames you or is dominant in conversations. I would like some opinions on this and how I should handle this person.
I am talking about a people pleaser who mirrors me. I do not know if I should talk about an energy vampire or if I should call it something else, but this is how it feels - just draining.
I realized recently that I have a friend that always agrees with me. Like it's mirroring me, my behaviour and my phrases. When I start talking about a topic, she chips in with the same opinion but different wording.
I started doing some experiments in our latest hangouts. First, after discussing 2-3 topics, I did not start another one. I waited for her to say something. She did not say anything. The last 2 hours we just stayed on our phone (and this happened multiple times). Another time, I stated my opinion and then changed it twice. She also changed her opinion.
I noticed she started saying some of my common phrases. I also noticed that, the only time she started a topic, was after she read something on reddit - she asked me what is my opinion on something, and then she said her opinion which was actually, word for word, a popular reddit comment on that post ( i know because i saw her reading it before on the bus ).
There were some instances where my hair was sitting weird because of the wind, or I had something between my teeth, or the skirt had the label outside (stuff that can be fixed in 5 seconds) and she did not let me know of these issues, even if she saw them.
We were on a trip, she was in charge of holding the tickets for the bus (in a foreign country) - she forgot the tickets and did not tell me at all, only the next day she told me ?!! What if a control was coming in that day ?? We could've just bought some day tickets....
She did not do anything bad to me like talk behind my back, insult me, etc. But now this friendship doesn't feel like a friendship, but like a chore. And I have a very bubbly and open personality, but with her, I just feel tired.
She also talks to herself sometimes. It's making me feel unconfortable, but I don't want to be mean and end a friendship on this reason. She was not like this in the beginning, or at least I did not notice.
|
2025-06-14T22:35:32
|
1lbl1w0
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Do I not belong anywhere?
|
I got into pre college last month and have been able to make a couple of friends and many acquaintance. When I'm around my new friends I feel invisible and lonely. I can't speak up in group conversations as I dont have anything to say most of the time when they tell me to say something. They have called me I'm too formal, and that I shouldn't be serious most of the time. I really don't understand what they mean by too formal and when I ask them, they call me I'm a quiet girl.
Apart from that, I'm decent at one-on-one conversations, but I struggle to keep them going for long...
Sometimes it’s because the other person seems distracted or uninterested when I’m talking, so I just stop mid-way.
Other times, it's because I’m not close to them — they give short replies, and I feel like I’d be annoying if I kept asking questions or trying to continue the convo.
I felt alone most of the time in high school and really thought I was gonna have good friends in pre college. I feel like I don't belong anywhere.
|
2025-06-15T05:00:40
|
1lbs9cw
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
how do u make friends online?
|
hi!!! im like really lonely and its summer so ive been doing absolutely nothing with my life, and i wanted to make friends online, but every other time i tried to do that it like...
was either rlly weird or just did not happen. like im too scared to talk to people and when they talk to me i actually cant think of anything to say?? like at all?? so.. how do people do that? help please💔
|
2025-06-14T22:20:51
|
1lbkqyr
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Start a new job in two weeks - help me be ‘cool’
|
Way back until the beginning of my twenties I was reasonably popular. I wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea and that was fine. But something happened and something shifted and I have the creeping suspicion that I’ve become insufferable.
I’ve worked at the same place for 5 years and while other new coworkers have made strong friends, I never have. I let me ADD come out too much and I talk too much about my self.
I’ve also become terrible at small talk.
Now I have the chance of a fresh start. I have a position with more responsibility and I would love to no longer be the weird one. Hit me with your tips.
|
2025-06-15T10:45:14
|
1lbxfqr
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Sharehouse tips?
|
I’ve (28f) lived alone for the past few years and am excited to move into my first sharehouse in a few weeks. It’s prestablished, I’m not friends with the other girls but they’re friends of friends which is great. Any tips or tricks?? Specifically socially. I feel like I’ve gotten too used to my own company, which is why I’m keen to broaden my horizons and do this
|
2025-06-15T10:24:46
|
1lbx4jt
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Am i a bad friend or is my friend group always bad ?
|
Hi, hello. Sorry to bother you all. I’ve never posted anything on Reddit before, but I’ve seen people do it when they have problems. English isn’t my first language, so I’m sorry for any mistakes I make.
I’m 21, and I don’t feel like I belong to any close friend group right now. I grew up from the age of 8 to 15 with the same group of friends. But besides them, I was always hated by other kids—beaten, insulted, and even robbed. I always tried my best to be liked by everyone.
The small friend group I had always felt… wrong? We were friends, then not, then friends again, then not. They bullied me, they "used" me—making me do things I didn’t want to do. So yeah, they weren’t the best, but they were the only ones I had. They always promised not to hurt me again, and then they did. Again and again.
At 15, we all went to different high schools. Even though I tried to keep everyone together, they all left for new friend groups—even after we promised never to turn our backs on each other. I had a really hard time making new friends. I kept getting insulted, called ugly, until I met a girl who had the same interests as me. We were like TWINS—almost the same birthday, same favorite things, references, childhood. I adored her.
But maybe I was too carefree? I don’t know if that’s the right word. After my toxic friend group, I was very emotional and felt free with her, like I could be myself without being judged. But maybe I was too “rough”? I tend to be physically playful, never to hurt, just to have fun. I always apologize when I go too far.
One day, she told me I was a bad influence on her. It really hurt. She said I only talked about myself and never listened to her and her problems. I tried to explain that I had a hard time offering emotional support because no one had ever asked me for it before. And I had never had someone I could open up to like her. I felt so betrayed and in pain.
The last two years of high school, I was alone again. Until the very end, when we started talking again—we ended up going to the same university. But things got worse. She made new friends easily, and I felt left out. I tried to fit in and talk more, but people whispered about how shy I was, never invited me to anything. I clung to her because I was scared of being alone again at university. I tried to make new friends, but no one seemed interested.
I made one friend, but she ditched me at the end of the year, saying I was “using her to pass” just because I asked for help with exercises I didn’t understand.
I dropped out of university because it got too hard. I tried again the next year, but I didn’t go at all—I think I was depressed, though I never got a proper diagnosis. I stopped everything and tried to find something new to enjoy. I stopped talking to everyone—the childhood group, the high school one. I hated them all and felt like my life was ruined. Like I had failed myself.
**About the old childhood group:**
* One of them hated me because she gave me the wrong time for the gym, and I got upset, and she took it too seriously.
* Another one—I wanted to join a psychology program, so I asked if she could send me her notes so I could get a head start over summer. She said yes. But during summer, she never replied. I got so mad I stopped talking to her. Later, when I planned a movie night with the rest of the group, she got angry and said we “betrayed her.”
* Another one agreed to come to a protest with me, but when I arrived, she said she was doing her laundry. She never confirmed the time. That same night, I apologized (even though it was her fault), and she never replied.
* I left the group chat after that and hoped the last one would reach out to ask why or check in on me—but she never did.
The girl from high school said I was too focused on myself and too violent. (I was upset because she always said she was busy whenever we made plans—**always**.)
Anyway, my cat died, I had flashbacks of my guinea pig a year later. Now I kind of have some friends, but I don’t even know anymore. I started talking again with the girl from high school—we planned two things, and she already stood me up once—and also someone from the old group.
Now I mostly have online friends, but they’re not really better:
* One of them posted my pictures online asking strangers if I was ugly.
* One ditched me because someone else in the group was making grape jokes about someone, and I didn’t tolerate it.
* One cut me off because I “always needed to have the last word” and was “too confident.”
* Right now, I’m in a group that bullies me often, but I guess I’m mean to them too when they don’t do what I say—since I often take the lead and get impatient.
So here I am. I’d like to hear your opinion (sorry this is so long):
**Am I a bad friend** because I can be rough, too confident sometimes, and maybe mean?
I never mean to be mean—it’s just to have fun, I guess. I just wanted friends to hang out with, have fun, go places...
Please, I’d also love your advice about my behavior.
I just want people to **respect me and appreciate me**, even if I can be tough sometimes...
|
2025-06-15T02:18:21
|
1lbpelo
| 1 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Why am I excluded from groups and avoided by friends?
|
This is something I am REALLY struggling with today (its been a while but really bad today).
So it goes far back. In middle school and high school I was outcast, not invited to things never really hung out, treated different than peers. I considered a lot of friends bc shared groups and pleasant experiences but it never led to inclusion into the broader unstructured tribes.
Same thing has extended into college and now work life. I mean I get it but its annoying bc I feel left out.
But then what really gets me is things like being part of a Pokémon simulator community and active but never given a role of being active in it. And then part of another large discord group for 4 years but when I ask if I can be part of the verified users I am met with ridicule and outright banned from the group. Then making another group of friends online but they start doing private voice chats im excluded from.
Right now I have dms open with my 10 closest friends and not one has responded to me in 5 hours (most days, I may have even double posted). Idk how to be included. The killer for me though is i think maybe im just an unpleasant person but i appeared on this YouTube show with large audience and everyone was so nice and pleasent about my personality. But im thinking... that has to be wrong. Sorry if none of this made sense or if im coming across needy. Its just a frustratingly lonely time today.
|
2025-06-15T02:01:05
|
1lbp350
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Shutting down in a big social settings
|
Why I got shut down in a big events or the hyped one, where everyone just enjoying the moment and going crazy and hyped, I got completly overwhelmed!
I have my last day in uni. This week, and I don't want to stuck in the dead black hole again, I want also to hype and live my last moments with my collegues & to compensate my lonley years of uni. Through out this day
|
2025-06-15T09:25:08
|
1lbw8yb
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Books/resources to become a more interesting person — always have something to say?
|
Hey everyone,
I’m working on becoming a more interesting and well-rounded person — someone who always has something cool, smart, or engaging to talk about.
I feel like I run out of topics or just sound dull in conversations sometimes.
Looking for books, YouTube channels, or podcasts that help build knowledge across different areas — whether it’s psychology, history, pop culture, science, or random fun facts — stuff that makes you more curious, confident, and better at talking to people.
Open to anything that helps build that “always interesting to talk to” vibe.
|
2025-06-15T02:25:11
|
1lbpj0w
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Eating in public is disgusting
|
Not sure if this belongs here but thought I'd post in case anyone else felt similar.
I think it started gradually but now I'm at the point where I find eating in public disgusting. Especially at restaurants. Seeing all the fat people stuffing their face like cattle, seeing people talking with food in their mouth, spitting, clearing their nose of mucous, and even just thinking of people digesting their food.
I never enjoy dinner dates either. Maybe it's because I have spent the majority of my life eating alone but I' prefer it. I think it started at my cousins wedding when he started clearing his nose and then later spit in my food while talking about his digestive issues.
Anyone else similar? Wondering if it has to do with socialization. Now if there is a function I have to go to I'll eat just a little to be socially appropriate and then take the rest home to eat by myself.
|
2025-06-15T20:36:11
|
1lcad6r
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Feeling like an Alien
|
I have Asperger's, I'm 25(m), and work out a lot. The problem is that all throughout life, I've experienced social isolation, bullying, and have been ostracized by everybody except my immediate family. I've tried joining a church and got ostracized heavily. At work, They play favorites so if I'm not in their hierarchy of needs and who they like, I get ostracized there. I also got ostracized all throughout school as well as bullied and beaten up. My speech impediment and social awareness are not bad but needs work. It's as if I'm an alien whom everyone avoids like the plague and bullies and it sucks.
|
2025-06-15T01:42:20
|
1lboqkb
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Is it ok to dislike some people for no reason and not want to be friends?
|
I think recently I find myself making friends to make friends I wasn’t thinking about it at first, but often even if I don’t like the person for who they are at heart or I find they have a flaw, I force myself to like them because there kind. I don’t think personally most people want to be friends with me on their own acclaim so when anyone likes me as a person I choose to become friends. It works at first but then I find myself feeling down the line I actually don’t like them much as people at all. I just exasperate the part that people like about me or try to make them like the things I like and I don’t jive.
I felt this recently losing some online friends that frankly I liked our role-plays more than them as people and felt myself getting pensive to listen to the,. Then I went outside and meet some girls at a college I’m going too and it clicked SO MUCH MORE. I wonder if that’s what friendship is supposed to feel like??? I really like these people? I try to take whoever wants to speak to me because I don’t want to be picky but then when I get close I don’t like it, I care less about them over time and become more selfish.
How am I supposed to make friends properly what is the point of friendship itself, I usually just pick people who don’t have friends or we bond over a similar thing. You’re supposed to like the person?
|
2025-06-14T19:03:36
|
1lbgcd7
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Can it be rude to hold the door open for someone?
|
I've been really trying hard to get out of my head about this one but I genuinely just need an answer, I'm totally baffled and idk if I was being weird or not.
Today I held the door open for two people. I didn't say anything as I did it. I was going to go through it in the opposite direction, and I generally try to hold doors open for everyone when it's convenient. They both paused, said "no thanks", and opened the other door. I've never had that reaction before. I'm really scared that I made them feel weird or that I did something wrong.
I already am incredibly self conscious that I'm off-putting and everyone tells me I'm not, but like what else could this mean? Can it be offensive to do this, or can I improve on this in the future somehow?
|
2025-06-14T05:10:35
|
1lb0q95
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How do I ask people to hang out?
|
I don't have a very large social circle, 2 close friends that I see often and then a handful of peripheral friends that I see a couple times a month but don't hang out with outside of group settings. Both of my close friends may be moving away in the near future and I'm really nervous about becoming a complete hermit because I struggle to reach out to people and maintain friendships. I want to try and get closer to some of my "once in a while friends" and turn them into people I can hang out with one on one, but I don't know how. I'm mostly connected to these people through one of my 2 close friends, and though we get along well and they enjoy hanging out, they tend to only invite me to things "in addition" to my close friends, if that makes sense. I just don't know how to reach out to these people to hang out without it seeming awkward or out of the blue that I'm kind of violating that intermediary friend boundary lol. I know it seems silly but we're in our early 20s and the social politic of it all is definitely real. Please help!!
|
2025-06-14T17:01:26
|
1lbdhz3
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
A Nuance to Charisma (actually example)
|
Usually people don't seem to like picking apart certain things a charismatic person does and people prefer to just say "if you're confident you'll naturally be charismatic, so be confident". Below I shall reveal a random element of being charismatic, and I hope others are willing to share something you witnessed yourselves, so don't be shy. Being charismatic is also about having a repertoire of reference experiences.
I'll say something I did recently that was arguably charismatic. I was a guest in someone's house having dinner. At desert I was offered marang. I declined in the normal expected way. About 2 minutes later (a lot of talking in that time) the same person asked me that question again. Instinctively I'm probably the sort of guy who'd have just answered the it same way and then 2 seconds later I'd have thought "why did I just act like she didn't already ask that?". But anyway my response was "you already asked me that 1 minute ago". There's literally no come back to it. She then tried to fudge a comeback. She said "oh I know, but I was just checking if you wanted some". So I responded "I know but I answered that question literally one minute ago". I said it with a smile. Without that someone could easily make it look like you're being confrontational. Her mother even came in on my side making fun of her. I then said "I do appreciate you checking in with me but I don't know if I deserve such special treatment".
Now if I didn't say it with a smile she could have got offended, but that's another part of being charismatic. Yes I'll try to be polite but it's not my job to pretend I can't remember for more than 1 minute. Also, with the second question I think she was implying that I might have really wanted the marang but was too shy to take it. A tiny bit annoying that she thinks I'm that submissive.
**DO** share experiences of your own
**DON'T** preach about how to be charismatic
|
2025-06-15T15:21:43
|
1lc2uqm
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How to get better at texting? Want to be fun, engaging — not dry or awkward
|
Hey,
I’m from India and honestly, I kinda suck at texting 😅 — I want to get better at having fun, engaging, natural conversations over text, especially with people I’m interested in.
I often run out of things to say or come off as boring.
Any tips, guides, or resources to improve my texting game? Maybe some psychology, storytelling, or conversation hacks?
Would love to make chatting feel more natural and less robotic. Thanks in advance!
|
2025-06-15T02:19:57
|
1lbpfm9
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How can I always feel socially energetic
|
So basically Im talking to this girl I really like, and to keep a long story short, we went on a date, I felt great, I was deep in conversation with her and overall it was a successful date, 2 days after I went on a second date with her, to be honest, I wasnt feeling myself, I didnt feel like going but I still went, I tried my best to keep myself alive like last time, but I could tell that she wasnt getting the same spark from before. I really dont want to say I blew it, but I dont think this is recoverable.
This brings me to my point, how can I always be socially energetic? Because, I feel like I can get it down most days but every so often Im not myself and I cant bring myself to be as energetic.
Has anyone else experienced this?
|
2025-06-14T22:30:37
|
1lbky6n
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How to politely stop a conversation?
|
I could use some advice. I was recently chilling at the beach in another country, reading a book and just enjoying my alone time. A man came over and started a conversation. I responded politely at first because I didn’t want to seem rude or give a bad impression, I’m a tourist, after all.
But then he kept going, and I honestly wasn’t interested in chatting. I just wanted to relax and be on my own. As a people pleaser, I find it really hard to shut down conversations without feeling guilty or awkward.
Does anyone have tips on how to stop a conversation politely but clearly, especially when you don’t want to come off as rude?
|
2025-06-14T08:55:36
|
1lb46m5
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Happy on the inside but my appearance/facial expressions don’t reflect that.
|
I often have people asking if I’m ok or telling me to cheer up. But I’m actually ok and quite happy. Should I be working harder in terms of presenting myself as looking happy as that’s the way I’m feeling or am I just reading too far into it and should keep doing what I’m doing.
|
2025-06-14T19:31:58
|
1lbgzy8
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Eye contact shopping
|
Hi, I'm attempting to stop being a people pleaser. I've worked in customer service for more than 1/2 of my life at this point. I find shopping so awkward because I worked in stores and always felt compelled to smile which I hate. I stopped even looking people in the eye in public and most places to avoid it, but is that normal?
I know people don't care about you and are involved in their own world - that said I have social anxiety and I'm trying to improve it.
Any tips?
|
2025-06-14T23:14:48
|
1lblvml
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
I can’t text for the life of me
|
I swear, it’s where I lose 90% of the connections I have with people I know; girls and boys alike
I can usually get a contact fairly easily but once it gets to chatting I am terrible, especially because I have a hard time understanding tones without talking in person; it gets to a:
Me: “hey, how are you doing?”
X: “Fine, what about you?”
Me: “good, I did this and that; what about you?”
X: “I did this”
* Conversation ends
I just can’t deal with this anymore! Idk what to say! I have an extremely hard time carrying out any type of conversation! What are some tips and tricks to get less dry answers? Or understand people better?
|
2025-06-14T16:47:31
|
1lbd6dk
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How to deal with “friendly”situations where you are made fun of or targeted
|
A few days ago, I was in a random situation at a graduation party where my friends and I were playing a game for a girl’s tiktok, and as a joke, one of my friends decided to hit a ball directly at me which hit me on the shoulder. Everyone started laughing and pointing at me, saying stuff like “nah I wouldn’t take that.” These people are my close friends, and I knew it was a joke, and it didn’t really hurt anyway. But when you are in a situation like this, what do you do or say? Obviously if it’s a friendly setting, you don’t want to retaliate because you come across as “angry” and “someone that can’t take a joke,” but if you do nothing (like I did) then I worry that I portray myself as weak and with little self-respect. This can also be applied to when you are being made fun of in a friend group. I know it’s friendly banter and they don’t really mean it, but I genuinely don’t know the right way to respond in situations like those, where you can’t be too aggressive back, but shouldn’t be too soft either, right? Any advice? I’m really trying to strengthen my social skills before college.
|
2025-06-14T18:58:07
|
1lbg7ma
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Casual behavior with customers
|
One day, after I finished my shopping at Walmart and approached the checkout, the cashier couldn't begin the process because her manager began to engage with her, which quickly escalated into shouting. He showed no concern for the customers in line. For 10 minutes, he held everything up, and I felt the urge to intervene, but I was unsure about how to approach him with the right words. What exactly should I have said to him?
|
2025-06-14T19:04:08
|
1lbgctd
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
I feel unnaturally awkward with people at my office job 24/7
|
I haven’t been sure where to ask about this, so I’ll just post this here. Anyone else who works an office job feel really unnatural & awkward just day-to-day interacting with coworkers? Idk what it is, outside of work I’m totally not awkward at all, in fact sometimes the life of the party, but at work everything just feels so fake and… forced. For context I don’t have any “work friends” since I like to keep work & personal separate, and I just don’t know how to naturally smile through small talk about the fucking weather and act happy about it. I’m usually a pretty sarcastic person with dark humor also which doesn’t translate well in that type of environment, so I always feel like I’m walking on eggshells & as a result I’m quiet most of the time. In contrast my coworker next to me talks about every controversial thing imaginable and somehow hasn’t gotten canned, so idk why I’m like this at work. Anyone else have a similar experience or advice on how to make my worksona less fake & more likeable?
|
2025-06-14T09:35:53
|
1lb4ruq
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Why are people so dry?
|
I just find people to be so dry, even my friends. Average conversation will go like:
me: Hey how are you doing?
them: I'm doing fine.
me: Cool, what did you do today?
them: Not much.
And new people online too. I ask what they like to do and stuff and they answer with the simplest shit ever and not even a "What about you?"
People in my class are also so dry unless it comes to bullying other people then they're suddenly not so dry anymore (but that may also just be teenagers being teenagers)
I'm kinda a lonely person but i have always had like 1 or 2 friends, i always try to spice up conversations but to no avail, is there something i'm missing?
|
2025-06-13T15:22:12
|
1laioym
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How to start a conversation and continue it?
|
I want to befriend many people that transferred in my school, but Idk how to strike up a conversation, let alone continue it. I’ve tried interacting with people on social apps, and I came across the same problem
|
2025-06-14T14:45:51
|
1lbadwd
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Why would anyone like me
|
I was bullied in 6th grade and they made fun of my whole identity. I noticed that this affected me a lot. I don't believe anyone could like me and whenever I built a friendship I emotionally lock out and we stop being friends. In my mind it goes: if you like me, I don't trust you because there is nothing to like about me. So I just push you away because one day you'll find out and leave me hurt.
When I'm loud and funny people like me but when I'm not I know noone wants me around. I figured out that friendship isn't about how you act but how connected you are. I don't have friends but a lot of enemies. I'm afraid to be seen. I'm afraid of not being able to defend myself so I hide my identity around people
I don't know how to built a stable ground. I don't want to be a fake confident narcissist. I genuinely want to be happy about myself no matter what I feel or do.
|
2025-06-14T13:31:42
|
1lb8se4
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How do you know when you have low self-esteem and when it's time for you to change something in yourself?
|
Lately I've been thinking a lot about how I look from the outside, and how I would think of myself from the outside. The thing is, when I do this, every time I think about how awkward and weird I am. I’m just curious if I’m as awkward as I think I am, or just overly self-critical. How can I improve myself or get rid of those negative thoughts?
|
2025-06-14T15:53:10
|
1lbbxjc
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
How do I reconnect with an old friend?
|
I have tried messaging him on Instagram but there has been no response for a week. I’m wondering whether to try again. He moved away (from England) to America so I think he might be busy or something, normally he takes about 2-3 days to reply, but now he’s not answering me. What do I do? Or do I accept he’s just left me for his new life?
|
2025-06-14T20:28:57
|
1lbiae6
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Slowly Forgetting How to Talk to People
|
So I used to be a super huge extrovert, and talking with other people came really naturally for me. I wasn't always the most liked or popular guy in the room, but I was able to be happy just living out who I am. However, somewhere along the line things just...became complicated? Recently, I feel like I have been overthinking everything that has to do with social interaction that I am drawing a blank when ever I have somebody talking with me. I have had so many conversations in the past few months like:
"Hey (insert friend), how did your convention go last night?"
"Went great! I was able to meet up with Charlotte and we got subs at the vendor there. They were amazing, I would go back just for them"
"Oh, that's nice! What did you get on them?"
And I just feel like it's always me just asking a ton of generic questions and dropping in "Oh!"s and "Ah I see"s. It works enough to keep a conversation alive, but not lively. Even worse is when I'm consoling someone, where I now freeze up and just have to say some mundane unhelpful comment like "It'll get better!" as an excuse to try and be comforting. How do I get back to carrying actually thoughtful and deep conversation without overthinking myself out of just having fun?
|
2025-06-13T23:39:09
|
1laujtl
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Needs opinion/explaination
|
So, I'm living with my father and my step mother comes over every two weeks. Recently I just went to shower as usual, and when I came out, they both told me that I didn't come for the eggs (I asked if there would be some for dinner and they said that there will be if I came to help make them). I said yea, I forgot about it and even if I didn't, I don't know at what time to come up because you never make dinner at the same hour.
My step mom said that it should've been an iniative from me to come and at least check, and I agreed yet still said that I just forgot about this.
It turned into a "light" argument, like I wasn't mad or upset but maybe she was ? Anyways, she told me repeatdly that I SHOULD be the type of taking initiative more. I said that basically I never do it because I don't think about it, and it doesn't cross my line of logic. But she didn't like it, and kept saying that I should be more this way. To me it felt like "I'm right, MY line of logic is right so follow it", which I doubt is what she meant so I try not to think about this like this, but she basically said that the way I do things is wrong.
I am in the wrong for not properly explainig why I don't do it, which is mostly due to a lot of insecurities & overthinking. I didn't tell her that, mostly because the concept of social anxiety is seen as fake in this household so I didn't want to get back to mental health sh!t expecting them to get upset or hiding behind theses issues without hearing me out in the end.
I'm not asking for who's right and wrong, just.. opinions, I guess. I'm very confused as to why she thinks it's so great to make initiative, like if someone needs me well call me, I don't mind helping cooking just don't expect me to jump in randomly. Especially since they see each other two days a week so I'd feel bad ruining their moments together, so I just stay in my room cause I have nothing else to do either
|
2025-06-14T19:16:06
|
1lbgn05
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Unable to find people I would like to become friends with
|
This might sound weird and interpreted wrong, but genuinely the problem is that I couldn’t find anyone interesting enough to keep hanging out with, I talk to a lot of people at my uni and online, sometimes hang out with different friend groups, but I never feel like those are my people I would like to actually care about, for the past few years I’ve only met one person that I was able to call friend, we were really close as friends, helping each other out, had similar mindsets all of that, but sadly was ruined because of some stupid misunderstandings, and now it’s been like 6 months and I’m still craving that genuine friendship we had … social interactions aren’t a problem for me, as I said, there is a lot of people who I know, that know me and we can sometimes spend time together but I never feel close to them
|
2025-06-14T19:07:52
|
1lbgg34
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
(English) Over the last few years I've started rolling my R's when I talk to try and sound more/better well spoken, how do I stop feeling so fake and inauthentic?
|
I hope the title explains how I'm feeling well enough. In England there are typically 2 main ways of distinguishing someone's accent and that is by rolling our R's when saying certain words, for example the word 'can't' can be pronounced like either 'cahnt' or 'carnt'. I just worry that whenever I pronounce such words it makes me come across as inauthentic and not genuine.. I just don't like the way certain words come from my mouth and it would sometimes almost sound like I'm slurring and I want and hope to sound better spoken as I want to sound more formal and professional especially at work when speaking with our high end clients. Am I weird for doing this and how can I stop feeling like I'm a total fake person when I just want to sound and be better spoken.
Am I overthinking it? Is this some type of trait in neurodivergence or masking or something? Gah :(
Thanks for your time everyone <3
|
2025-06-14T22:44:02
|
1lbl8ap
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
What’s wrong with me
|
Not sure what this is, I’m not always like this - often in periods when I become depressed and my confidence hits an all time low, but what I notice is that when I talk with people I don’t know (store clerks, waiter, etc…), and emphasize speaking as clear, audible as possible - I’m always hit with a pause, distanced look on their face and clarification to what I asked.
I speak fluent English, no accent, and again - to me what I am saying makes sense.
I tend to think it has to do with energy, and possibly people don’t like it, or are thrown off by it, but this really in a positive feedback like cycle seems to effect my confidence even more, and result in approach anxiety.
To make it worse, when they ask for clarification - I’ve gotten to the point where I’m frustrated with not just myself, but the people across from me, so I generally aggressively rephrase what I said, which inevitably makes them even more spiteful/distained towards me.
What is this, what can I do?
|
2025-06-14T22:39:55
|
1lbl57z
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
About two girls liking me. AITA for liking them both? What should i do?
|
So I 34M have met these two girls at my workplace. Lets call them Anna 28F and Laura 27F.After a couple of months at the market, i became pretty good friends with them.Anna is a bit of shy girl uncomfortable around people most of the time while Laura is just bubbly and outgoing.Recently both of them showed interest in me and told me they liked me. But the thing is while i like them but i also value my friendship with them.Both are just so sweet and beautiful in their own way.What should i do?AITA for liking both of them?
|
2025-06-15T07:30:48
|
1lbukjm
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
My team lead says I give off “sad vibes”
|
Wasn’t sure how to go about it so I said “oh damn” and left it at that. I don’t talk much and haven’t made any connections or friends. Mainly just work and keep to myself but that kinda hurt lol.
Everytime i work with this team lead they ask me about five times if im doing okay and they just press me to tell them about my feelings and it sometimes gets frustrating.
How do I get them to leave me alone or seem more okay?
|
2025-06-13T21:21:38
|
1lari2b
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
Getting plans out of gc
|
I’m using Bumble BFF to make friends in the area and what I’m noticing is I’ll try to start a conversation and over time it starts to feel like they are just answering the question but not building the conversation. At the same time they don’t un match.
I’m tryna small talk and then ask to hangout but idk how to progress that. Yes I could be asking bad questions but couldn’t they help carry it or show some curiosity in me
|
2025-06-14T15:28:04
|
1lbbcu0
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
anxiety when friend group hangs out without me
|
I realize that this topic might be overly discussed to an extent, but I feel as though people do not invite me to things anymore.
My friend group consists of 7 people (including me). We were extremely tight. We called Friday and Saturday every weekend for about 2 years if that gives you an inkling.
About three months ago, me and one of the group members decided to split after being together for about 9 months (let's call him Fred) and we decided to stay friends. One of my other friends, let's call him Dan, confessed to me that Fred had told people about everything going wrong in our relationship without my knowledge. I empathize with everyone's position in this, but this lead me to have extreme trust issues with my friend group for keeping things from me. As a result, when I get uncomfortable in a group setting, I usually excuse myself. I don't know if this comes off as attention seeking or bad behaviour but it's usually to clear my head.
As of recent, Fred and another friend have gotten very close, and as core members of our group (sorta like the life of the party) they tend to dictate who comes and goes to events. Mind you these two were my best friends for the better part of 2 years. There have been a few times where they have hung out and I've been pretty gutted. So I had a conversation with another friend and I tell her I've been sensing very off vibes generally from people and she reassured me that there was no "second group chat" or "conspiracy against me". I was very relieved to hear that and thanked her. But later that same day I saw all 5 of them hanging out for like 4+ hours (except for Dan and I)
It's hard for me to just "make new friends" especially since it's now summer break. The group has made 5-6 big plans for the break and now I feel like I'm obligated NOT to come. I really enjoyed everybodies company just 1-2 months ago but now nobody tells me anything, and tries to hide that they hung out from me. I hate that I'm so personally affected by this and but everytime I try to bring an issue I have up with people, they shut down. I love these guys like family but most of them don't even say hello or make eye contact with me. I hate that I might be making people uncomfortable and nobody will say anything in fear that I might not take it well.
I'm wondering what to do. I wake up extremely anxious and stressed over this to the point it's taking a toll on my mental health. I cannot tell whether I should trust my gut or if it's my insane paranoia. Do I cut these people off who I've known for 3+ years or am I overthinking/overreacting?
|
2025-06-14T15:23:42
|
1lbb93z
| 0 | 1 |
socialskills
|
Accidentally said the wrong thing to a coworker
|
I’m fairly new to my job, about 4 months in. My coworker was trying to make small talk with me and he was saying that he’s gotten into photography 7 years ago since that’s when he could actually afford it. He said that his equipment probably costs around $10k, which surprised me cause I didn’t know photography was that expensive. My dumbass said “woah I’m glad I don’t have that hobby”
I just meant I was broke, not to offend him.
He looked at me and said “yeah but I love photography” and I tried to make it better by saying that ofc, it’s great to have hobbies and complimented his photography skills
But YIKES. My comment.
|
2025-06-13T15:23:59
|
1laiqlm
| 0 | 0 |
socialskills
|
how do i express that i feel jealous?
|
as title says. expressing jealousy is so much harder than it looks atleast for me and it’s probably cause of the pride/ego or even just fearing rejection but i need to fix this because i bottle it up and never tell someone that i am jealous. and if i do i backtrack the conversation quickly.
so how can i properly express that im feeling jealous?
|
2025-06-14T05:11:54
|
1lb0r1w
| 0 | 0 |
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